#(tantrum tiddies)

[sphyrne]

another wip of this piece but mainly bc i want to show the carrot vimes height difference. its important (to me.)

[shares-a-vest]

Steve jumps out of bed to answer the ringing phone downstairs. Best case scenario, it's someone calling to yell/demand that he drive them around. At worst, it's his parents with some long-distance orders. He looks around for a shirt, quickly picking up Eddie's plain black cut-off.

"No!" Eddie whines in protest as he slips it on.

"What? I need to get to the phone, dude."

Eddie props himself up on his elbows.

"You don't need a shirt for that," he argues, comically wide-eyed with worry as if it's obvious.

Steve just rolls his eyes and heads for the door.

"Hey, Steve?"

He rolls his eyes, again and ducks his head back in, clutching the doorframe.

"What?" he huffs.

"You have nice boobies is all," Eddie says, all giddy, eyes entirely wicked. He covers his dimpled grin with a handful of curls and flops back on the bed in a fit of giggles.

"Shut up!" Steve groans, stepping into the hall and regretting being in love with a complete and utter idiot.

"Can I touch 'em when you get back?" Eddie calls as Steve bounds down the hall.

The phone stops ringing.

[astraaa3]

Hello ! You can request Valentino X Reader. where Valentino adores the reader's breasts.

Thanks in advance and good luck.

A/N: I had a lot of fun with this one, I'll admit. My Hazbin Hotel brainrot is just getting worse. *giggles in: I am going to hell for my degeneracy*. ANYWAY, here is the request. Don't forget to keep them coming~

I kept the reader gn since I believe all chests need to be appreciated, from girl tiddies, to man tiddies, to enby tiddies, etc. In whatever size they come in.

Feedback is much appreciated and welcomed. <33

=========♡=========

Valentino x Gn!Reader Headcanons (+small prompt)

Given Valentino's line of work the sight of tits, ass, and/or any other explicit body part doesn't particularly excite him.

That said, he didn't particularly find anything interesting about your chest at first either

It was a few months into your relationship when he realized how much he adored your chest

One night, after the two of you were done with your 'nightly activities' he dropped his head onto your chest while he was still inside of you with your legs wrapped around his waist

You waited for him to move, but to your surprise he fell asleep his head on your chest

Since that day he took every opportunity he could grab your chest or lay his head on it

And well, Valentino being Valentino, the opportunity was whenever he saw you.

It didn't matter if you were working or if you were chatting with someone

You didn't even dare to complain since he threatened to kill the last person who 'kept' him from fondling your chest

It was even more embarrassing when this happened in front of the other Vees

Velvette found this quirk of your relationship with Valentino to be particularly annoying and unsightly; it also increased the number of time she called Valentino a piss baby

All in all, while your relationship did have ups and (a lot of) downs due to Valentino's possessive and short temper, the one thing that remained constant was the cuddling at the end of a long day, his head pressed against your chest as you hugged him (seeing him so vulnerable and open almost made you forget how afraid you were of him when he got furious at something random that you did)

=========♡=========

Small prompt:

You were laying on the couch, your head supported by the armrest and your legs strewn out in whatever weird position you found comfortable at that moment. You were scrolling to Voxstragram while some random show was playing on the TV, serving as white noise.

Your moment of peace didn't last long however as you could hear from the hallway that Valentino was coming, aaand he was yelling on the phone. You sighed rolling your eyes at your significant other's short temper. Your shoulders jump up startled as Valentino slams the door open throwing his phone into the wall before quickly walking over to you and doing the same thing with your phone. You look at him incredulous and slightly indignant, as he huffs sitting down on the couch. He lights a cigarette rambling about whatever stupid shit one of his actors did as he grabs you by the arm pulling you into his lap. He buries his head into your chest out of frustration, his shoulder relaxing soon after, as he makes content clicking noises (which you found completely adorable; to be fair, you found everything about his moth anatomy and habits to be adorable, even if you would never tell him that out of fear of him throwing a tantrum over being called that out of all things).

You sighed laying your head on top of Valentino's closing your eyes as you half listen to the TV still playing in the background. "My knees are gonna be sore from staying like... Just another day with Valentino." you think smiling softly as you fall asleep in the less than comfortable position.

[a-killer-obsession]

I know it's no smut but i would really enjoy some Hcs about them as Daddies. 🥰

A rare SFW request, how can I say no?

Now presenting:

☠️ Kid Pirates ☠️

As Dads Headcannons 🧑‍🍼

Okay jk this came out a little NSFW with kink mentions, so

🔞 Minors DNI 🔞

Kid

Oh god the breeding thing was just a kink HE DIDN'T MEAN FOR IT TO REALLY HAPPEN

Would be absolutely freaking the fuck out when you tell him you're pregnant but he'd come around after a little and then be thrilled

At the base level, a pretty good dad. He's gonna always do whatever he can to help, even if he has no idea what he's doing. He's trying his best to learn though!

Kids love him for some reason? Maybe its in the name, or maybe its the cool metal arm

Absolutely swears around the kid, don't be surprised if their first word is fuck

Doesn't understand no matter how many times you or Killer tell him that a gun is not an appropriate birthday present for a three year old

His kids would be just as wild and fearless as him, aka a fucking nightmare for everyone else

He's 100% the fav parent cos he never says no

Good luck getting him to change a nappy, he'll present you with that stinky baby like its radioactive

He's not gonna say it, but he wants to suck them milky tiddies 👀

Killer

Shell-shocked when you tell him you're pregnant but very quickly excited

Will tell anyone who'll listen how excited he is, and will immediately start calling you mama

There to attend to your every need and whim during the pregnancy

So fucking scared to hold the baby when they're born because these hands have killed so many, how can they hold something so small and innocent?

That kid is getting spoiled rotten, but he's also reasonable when it comes to saying no to them, and so very patient when they have tantrums

Owns every baby and parenting book the Grandline can offer

Really great at seeing when you need some alone time, he'll whisk the kid away for "dad time" at the slightest hint of exhaustion on your face

You better believe that kid is getting his wild blond mane, and he's so very careful and diligent taking care of it. He'll braid flowers into it, and when they're old enough to learn to braid he'll let them do the same, so sometimes they'll just both appear covered in matching braids and beads and flowers

That kid is his pride and joy, he'll teach them to read and write himself, teach them too cook (they love baking together!) And you better believe you're getting breakfast in bed on mother's day with a carefully arranged platter and card definitely made 100% by your kid and okay maybe daddy helped a littleeeee bit 🤏

Insists on changing every nappy, because you're already working so hard

Absolute helicopter parent, to the point you have to tell him to cool off sometimes

Heat

Takes a good three to five business days to wrap his head around it when you tell him you're pregnant. Hes not upset just... surprised

He loves your swollen belly though. Would absolutely want to try your breastmilk and would absolutely be a fucking pervert about it

No fucking clue what he's doing but takes to it so naturally. Never has to be told when something isn't age appropriate, instinctually knows what baby needs

Hates saying no to them but knows its for the best, even if those puppy dog eyes almost kill him. He WILL cry about it later though

Easy and wordless distribution of tasks with him when it comes to childcare. You don't have to ask him to do his part, he's already doing it

His kids would be kinda quiet and reserved, but oh so sweet

It melts his heart when his baby touches his scarred face. Absolutely cries the first time he holds them

Spoils the kid but in a very tender way. He's always making them little hand whittled animals and flower crowns and finding things they can do together, like colouring. You better believe the shared fridge is covered in his kid's art and if you try to remove it he will set fire to everything you own

Loves to give piggy back rides and let his kid climb all over him. Their giggles are his favourite sound

Not a helicopter parent but definitely attentive

Gags when he changes nappies but he'll do it anyway

Wire

Yeah, that's not his baby, he got his tubes tied at like 19 years old

Oh but you really want to adopt this little orphan? Sounds like a you problem

Seriously hates kids, it ain't happening

[swervesbootycall]

Hey there can I request headcanons for tfp bots (megatron, starscream, knockout, soundwave, shockwave) for a female reader that likes to pull random shit out from in between her boobs like she sometimes stuffs candy in her bra thank you

Note: I personally dislike using the terms “female” and “male” for humans due to the sociohistorical bio essentialist language baggage there plus dudes can have massive honkers and everyone deserves a titty pocket.

Anyway:

So as a group I honestly think the only ones who are going to notice where a human is pulling stuff from would be Soundwave, Shockwave, and Knockout.

The idea of Megatron and Starscream being Constantly annoyed as they try to starve a reader into compliance/giving away autobot info but they keep pulling shit from SOMEWHERE. Is making me chuckle like I’m running on scooby do logic here. Forget just candy, imagine Starscream doing a dramatic, threatening monologue (like he does with Fowler) to some puny human and realizing that he’s hearing crunching. He turns around and reader’s got a twelve to sixteen inch hoagie they’re munching on.

The Dramatics that would ensue. If it were me and the vehicons tried to take my fucking sammich I’d spontaneously learn close quarters combat.

Starscream thinks he’s done away with Reader’s food and then turns around and they’re eating a banana. It’s got to be a five hundred hats of bartholomew cubbins deal there’s Always something else. Since Mega and Starscream are too dumb to know what pockets let alone titty pouch is, reader is too powerful.

As for Knockout, he notices but doesn’t say anything because watching his bosses flounder against something really mundane is too funny. He’s the kind to give you more things to put in there out of curiosity for how much you can store. He’d start taking advantage of his Own chassis pouch as well I think- if he could comfortably transform with a spare medkit in there.

Soundwave would eventually get tired of shenanigans because he’s the one who has to deal with Megatron having a tantrum, and would unceremoniously dangle you by your ankles with his tentacles and shake you looney tunes style.

If the two of you had a more flirtatious rapport I can see him removing the contents of your boob storage by hand or tendril.

Shockwave just assumes you have a subspace portal in your tits because why Wouldn’t you. He does. Big tiddy solidarity.

[thekeeperof-thefandoms]

Fine. I need mutuals to lose my sanity with so I give you my Hazbin Hotel hcs based off my OCs.

Please I am so fucking abnormal about my OCs and would love to elaborate on them any time!!! Please if you want specifics about their interactions with their respective partner or character sheets (I cant draw vivzie style good and I have some generic AI art of them I refuse to post it because I don't believe in using ai art for anything other than private use. I paid money for the one that's my profile pic cuz its my dnd character.)

Vox with a big tiddy goth girlfriend reader. Short, chubby, v insecure. Also feral adhd gremlin who copes with dark humor. Makes Vox's ADHD worse. They give each other vocal stims. Call and response echolalia. Vox is constantly assaulted by memes now. Honesly they bring out the inner goblin in each other but it's fine cuz it helps Vox unwind and emotionally regulate finally. She's bi too so anytime Vox (who canonically is more into men) finds a guy he likes they can totally bring him in for a threesome. She leans towards women so it goes both ways. She's a sub for women but tops for men (especially Vox's bratty ass).

Alastor with a skinny non binary autistic person. People mistake them for a twink. Some days they're more fem cuz they want to be pretty. Usually anxious, quiet, enjoys reading and listening to Alastor's music or radio static. Then you get them to unmask and they're a barely stable perpetually exhausted creature thriving off of caffeine and memes. Alastor adores their chaos and listening to them ramble. Appreciates they try to find modern culture he'd relate to and enjoy. They spend time co-existing to bond, doing their own thing next to each other. No pressure to initiate intimacy or anything other than friendship. Autistic person gets a lot of Alastor's sensory ick (esp about touch) without being nosy and just accepts their murder gremlin radio friend. (Accidental platonic partners).

Valentino getting a fucking therapist (he needs one. I see the bi-polar theory and as some one who worked with bipolar people I can see it but he could just be a terrible person). That therapist having two main personalities after death (based on a book a read where a person's ghost was split into two people from before and after their trauma). Both are qualified therapists. One's a 2000s emo boy who's esthetic is Laughing Jack. Except plot twist they're from the south (based on a kid I knew in high school). Puts Vox in his place more often than not by just tying him up and whisking him away to have his tantrums in private (they probably [definitely] fucked.) Tough love kinda but in a way that actuall forces Valentino to confront his issues and deal with it. The other is basically if Harley Quinn got a Homestuck Trickster design. Very sweet. Very blunt. Chaos incarnate. Elaborately finds ways to put Valentino in situations that make him uncomfortable so he has to deal with them and then pavloving him with candy or sex when he's a good person. They're both helping in their own way because now Valentino has to think about his actions, emotionally regulate, and is rewarded for good behavior. The whole dynamic is cute and sexy but also kinda twisted.

Plot twist, Alastor's accidental QPR, Vox's chaos thicc witch, and the unhinged therapy duo are all besties from when they were alive and it means Vox and Alastor have to be civil to each other cuz their partners are friends and they don't wanna upset them.

Bonus points cuz they make friends with Angel and Angel gets to watch two candy themed clowns walk his boss's ass like a dog.

Lucifer gets the AUDHD diagnosis he didn't know he needed ("oh, that's what's wrong with me"), lots of comfort and validation, and a healthy dose of therapy as well.

[babiebom]

HATE THE TIME LORDS WTF

I’m watching the end of time (SPOILERS)

THEY SEEM LIKE SUCH ASSHOLES

Like knowing what we know about the timeless child and everything they’re the WORST

Like sorry to the tenth doctor I would’ve actually shot the time lord president without hesitation the second he said “you are diseased…be it a disease of our own creation” to the master

Like yeah I know he doesn’t kill the master but the whole pointing the gun at him I’m like ABSOLUTELY NOT

Like they actually made me feel bad for him…for BOTH of them. Like what do the time lord council do other than BE ASSHOLES? Given I haven’t seen original who idk what they do there but I DISLIKE THEM SO MUCH actually all they do is use people

I know he’s killed people and been an absolute menace and a monster but like :( they did this to him

Also I think it would’ve been really funny if everyone had his face but their normal bodies. So it’s the masters face and like tiddies if he was a woman or something. Like it’s literally just his face in their bodies instead of turning into him completely. Idk why it would be funnier to me.

Also him giving his life to save wilf makes me CRY like I’ve never seen the specials before bc I could never find where to watch them. Also this whole tantrum he’s throwing is throwing me off like BROTHER he honestly just saved someone and you’re throwing this tantrum IN FRONT OF HIM my feelings would be hurt but at the same time I understand because I too would throw a tantrum if I had to die

But maybe it’s bc I don’t really like hurting peoples feelings that I just would be like DAMN guess I’m gone then bc I wouldn’t like to hurt Wilfs feelings like when he says “you’re unimportant” like I KNOW he is just upset but PLEASE MY FEELINGS SIR.

Also THIS IS HOW IM FINDING OUT THIS IS HOW HE REGENERATES INTO ELEVEN???????????the website I watch these on DOESNT have any of the specials so I’ve had to go searching for them and WOWOWOWOWW

also I hate Martha and Mickey together I preferred her with the Milligan man. Like yes they’re cute together but I would’ve like her to stay with dude MISSGIRLPAYATTENTION nvm

He’s saving people?but in a sad way?

He’s staring at Jack??? Oh he’s hooking him up with someone OH ALONSY ALONSO OH

oh it’s miss nurse from the family of blood. I hate those episodes. WaS sHe hApPy iN tHe EnD? FUCK OFF

CUTE I DIDNT KNOW WE GOT TO SEE DONNA GET MARRIED OMFG

who is Heffery? Is that Donna’s dad? Bc if it is THATS SO CUTE BUT SAD?????THEY HADA WEDDING IN A GRAVEYARD?

oh it’s a church with a graveyard

Kinda poetic but OOF ghosties scare me also SAD BYEBYE FOCTOR

oh god it’s rose again

BUT ITS THE ORIGINAL ROSE I LOVE HER

THIS IS WHERE THE ICONIC GIF COMES FROM??????????

I FORGOT IT WAS 2005 IM LITERALLY 4 WHEN ALL THATS HAPPENING? (The first series I mean)

like it’s weird to think about where you would be in time in the universe during doctor who

Like I would literally be a child in Texas who probably missed EVERYTHING because who would destroy TEXAS? California I get but unless they realize how big Texas is they’d go for like Washington or something

AN OOD?

their faces are icky but they’re also cute? I love them except for when they’re evil <3

I also always read the Police public call Box as “police the box” and idky my brain is like NAUR the LETTERS ARE TOO CLOSE TOGETHER AND SMALLER IT MUST SAY THE???????

Goodbye ten I can’t believe that this is the first time I’m seeing him regenerate. I literally went through the entirety of nuwho and haven’t seen the Specials omfg. OH NAUR HE DOESNT WANNA GO PLS.

Omfg you destroy the tardis every time so rude HELLO ELEVEN MY LOVE HIS VOICE IS SO SQUEAKY I LOVE HIM

[cloudsofteeth]

You have any spare obey me headcanons? Or whb? 👀 (also, picturing Ivory being carried by Beel, who's slowly being climbed on by his brothers to join Ivory and now he's on his workout routine with how many he's carrying but doesn't complain. Man's a family man who's happy. Food is good too)

Omg you best believe imma be drawing Beel bench pressing Ivory and throwing his weight around to help her out of situations

Diavolo- he’s the Biggest. In height, heart, tiddy size, ambition, di-

he’s the ultimate Himbo put passively gets petty and throws micro tantrums when he doesn’t get his bi-weekly play dates with ivory. Honestly wishes she could live at the castle instead of the house of lamentation but that isn’t allowed :(

Would honestly grab a demon that hurts his favorite people and just rip them apart as if they were a chicken sandwich.

Barbatos- he’s a bit Miffed ivory doesn’t like tea. She does engage with his interests though and learned how to properly brew it but she thinks it’s yucky. They both love cooking though like omg.. he’s the reason why ivory puffed up a little and struggles to lose the weight. His desserts are very very good and he’s the one who helped her adjust to the scary foods of the devildom. His calm cool mysterious vibes make Ivory kinda follow him around the way Luke does.. he’s her favorite demon to watch, and yet he’s the one with the most secrets out of them all, it feels like he’s Unreachable.

Lucifer- Ivory gives him cuteness aggression.. like he just pats her head and then presses down on her skull, causing her spine to scrunch and her neck to pop. Likes it almost too much when she sits in his lap and he can squeeze and hug her like a stress ball. She enjoys being smushed but sometimes it’s a bit much :(

He acts so stoic and untouchable, and he truly tries to be, but what scares him more is that she sees right through him with those dumb innocent eyes. His image…! It doesn’t matter for her and there is a deep guilty pleasure in not having to put up a front but if anyone were to find out it would be catastrophic.

Ivory has 3 permanent scars from him.

Mammon- was incredibly rough around the edges and nearly forgot who he was before falling from grace. Being called a scumbag stings or can be brushed off like it’s nothing, he’s so used to it by now. It’s a nothing compared to when Ivory is deeply hurt by his actions and she’s on the verge of tears or is genuinely heartbroken. She doesn’t hide her feelings and he feels like the biggest piece of garbage alive.

Of course he still has his vices and addictions and whatnot but life is a little bit better now that he has a spark of joy. A safety blanket. He tries more than he used to, to not be so much of a piece of shit.

They got shared clothes and he always likes taking her outside to be exposed to fun things. He explodes at the smallest indication of affection.

Levi- His lack of self esteem is heartbreaking and depressing. Despite his behavior and being a shut in, I’m like 80% sure he goes swimming in some kind of private pool if they ever have one. it’s the only way he stays so fit. He dresses Ivory up in cosplay and uses her as a comfort buddy when he tries going out of his comfort zone. His fishtank is absolutely decked the fuck out with live plants, shrimp, and perfectly bioactive he’s a fish tank expert. No simple glass bowls here that’s lame and stupid!

Ivory has 1 scar from when he snapped at her in the beginning of her stay at the Devildom.

Satan- Stoic like Lucifer but if you filled him with firecrackers and landmines. He has a crying kink. Would probably take psychic damage if he saw ivory as a cat girl.

Curses? Spells? Yes. All the worst ones except he fucks up on accident sometimes. He knew Solomon could make mistakes but his are more likely to happen and when they do, the whole house is in chaos. Like turning everyone into kitties, or having everything is flipped upside down.

He likes to lay down with his head in her lap when he’s mad, and she runs her fingertips through his scalp, massaging and soothing him. It’s really nice for him.. she doesn’t ever seem afraid of him when he’s mad and she tries reaching out despite him at risk of directing his rage at her.

she has 2 scars from him

Asmodeus- he’s probably the only one who’s able to see and tell when Ivory’s at her limit, mentally. Despite his raging narcissism, he loves her second. Dresses her up in the prettiest clothes and paints her nails, figures out her skin care and helps her get devildom equivalents of her human medication. (They take Ibuprofen together). He is.. absolutely Horny and when he gets in a mood he’s a menace. He smiles and looks happy the entire time he does it though and whispers so many compliments. He’s a very caring lover and partner.

Don’t ask what he does with her hair when she gets a trim.

Beel- he shares his food even if it’s just a bite ;;

Enjoys playing sports or other physical activities. Is jacked despite eating a mountain once a week. All those calories burn into his muscles and I imagine he literally steams when he exorcises and is Very very warm in temperature. He’s a light sleeper and likes meat more than other flavors. Beware all you can eat buffets he takes it to heart and is blacklisted from every establishment. He’s the reason ivory cried her first day on dinner duty..

he’s shy when it comes to wanting affection, feeling a hunger in his heart, unsure of why he’s feeling this way. Butterflies in his tummy when he hasn’t eaten any butterflies? It makes him nervous.. Ivory likes to snack with him and learn about devildom snacks. He gets distracted looking at her mouth when she eats because it’s cute to him..

Belphegor- an absolute fucking Yandere in secret he probably stole her shirt to use as a pillowcase. Most likely to kill without hesitation (as he did to her when he was let out of the attic. Twice.) he’s trying to make up for what he did and how he hurt her, and finding out she’s Lilith’s descendant made him feel more self loathing. If he could take it all back, he would. It’s also why he’s trying to claw his way to be her most dependable demon, finding his freedom and regret for not saving Lilith in her.

Always, without fail, if Ivory and Belphie take a nap in the same room he always ends up face first in her titties. He has no idea how it happens. He swears he was hugging his cow pillow facing away from her on the other side of the bed.

Ivory has two massive scars from him.

And lastly Ivory headcannons because she doesn’t really get to show her inner thought process-

She hates being called Lilith, it makes her feel like she has even More responsibilities and expectations of her. She’s a crybaby and sheds tears rather easy. Tries to be eloquent and gentle but ends up cursing and spewing profanities when she’s very comfortable with them. Mentally fragile and tries to be a good girl, she doesn’t like it when people are mad at her. but BOY DOES SHE HATE HAVING TO DO SCHOOL ALL OVER AGAIN. She already got her Bachelors degree! And now she’s back (yeah she signed up for it but she never thought she’d get picked)

She loves them so much and is very happy with her 11 boyfriends and adopted son. She made a horrified expression when she found out Luke was like over 300 years old. Does she think about how weird it is to have 11 boyfriends and an adopted son? Yeah but they’re not human and Solomon’s immortal so she just shrugs and tries to survive and split her time up wisely.

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

i actually feel kinda sorry for Izzy. You look at Ed Anime Eyes Blackbeard leaning so pretty and wistful on the wheel about to sing "🎵 🎶 I wanna be where the people are 🎶🎵" and then there's Izzy, hair dye dripping down his head, no idea how to pull off a smokey eye, looking like creepypasta Ronald McDonald—he was never going to pull the big tiddy goth gf. Condolences

see i actually deeply relate to izzy being hopelessly in unrequited love with ed and having literally zero chance with him bc ed is absolutely the love of my life and i would give it all up for him but he is also painfully out of my league and also nonexistent. so like, i do get it.

however i would feel more bad for izzy if he wasn't so fucking mean to ed about it. calling him an "insane, unpleasant shell of a man" and screaming "TWAT" in ed's face and trying to kill ed's boyfriend and calling the cops on the Revenge and saying he'd rather ed literally be dead than be going through his sad poetry era??? yeah dude i might've given him my condolences at first but after all that shit Condolences Revoked. i don't feel bad abt unrequited pining when the ppl doing the pining handle it that badly. like get over yourself.

dgmw tho it's VERY fun to watch izzy throw his little tantrums and get pissy and mean towards ed (and everyone else around him too tbh). incredible characterization i can't wait to see him be a bitch next season, too. but i don't feel sorry for him.

[a-chip-in-inosukes-nichirin]

*throwing a tantrum on the floor* I don’t WANT to use healthy coping mechanisms, I WANT to bury my face in MAN TIDDIES

[goldenlaquer]

Why do I feel like Seiji is a type to throw a little jealous tantrum everytime he sees his wife breastfeeding their babies...

BECAUSE. that's exactly the type of shit he'd pull. Grumbling and stormily staring because he thought those tiddies were his only. His sons are competing with their father for tiddy rights.

[doesntseemfxir]

𝑏𝑎𝑟𝑔𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑏𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑘𝑒𝑡𝑠 ᗢ 𝑤.𝑚.

a/n: well well well, welcome to the Doll House AU, it's cozy here so far. I was supposed to be posting the intro first, but @urdollygf's birthday is today and honestlyyyy they deserve a cute af gift for being such a cool friend

words: 1.3K

warnings: This is an 18+ AU, minors DNI; pure fluff; mommy/doll dynamics; soft tiddy sucking/soothing (this isn't an age/play AU; R isn't a little, they're just Wanda's kidnapped doll)

doll house; Doll is having a cranky day and refuses to settle, but Wanda knows just how to calm her enough for a nap

doll house au. || masterlist.

You were supposed to be sleeping. Wanda was only lying with you because you’d promised to be good and take the nap you clearly needed— it was your constant whining that cued Wanda in. “Don’t tell me you’re still wide awake?”

Everything around you was supremely cozy, the room temperature, your fluffy blankets, even your stuffies aligned behind you; you should’ve fallen asleep instantly. The only thing making it hard was your pillow. You’d insisted on resting your head on Wanda; she was warm and comfy and her familiar heartbeat never failed to lure you to sleep. She’d been stroking your hair to help you do just that, even humming a gentle tune, and any other time maybe you’d be out like a light. This particular afternoon, your mind was hooked on only one thing.

“Mommy…” Technically there was a no touching rule, Wanda insisting on taking the utmost care of you rarely with reciprocation. The few times Wanda gave in, it was always to have your mouth. In your sleep-heavy brain, that gave you an in. You’d strategically put your head on her chest when she’d put you down for your nap, having been admiring it all day. To you, everything about Wanda was beyond perfect, but you couldn’t help but keep your eyes on her tits some days. It wasn’t the first time you’d woken up utterly infatuated with her; your mommy gave you everything you could ever want and more when you were good and she looked beautiful doing it. How could you not adore her for that?

Your clingy mood had rendered you irritable for hours, made worse by Wanda’s continued denial. Each attempt to wiggle into her lap earned you a warning glare from Wanda that she was busy. What she was doing was unknown, but you didn’t care. All you wanted was to play and coo over the older woman, but she wouldn’t let you and for that, you were huffy. Nothing sweetened your sour mood, pushing away your stuffies and refusing to watch your favorite shows. Finally Wanda completed her tasks and the sight of you laid out on the floor, arms crossed in defiance as you stared at the ceiling had her instantly coaxing you into afternoon nap time.

It had taken some frustrating negotiations and the only way Wanda managed to wrangle you upstairs was if she agreed to snuggling you to sleep. As soon as you’d accepted her deal you were putty in Wanda’s hands, letting her guide you up the stairs and staying dutifully still while she changed you into cozy loungewear. You were positively leaping into bed by the time Wanda said you could get and now you had her all to yourself; she’d pinky promised.

Most days you stayed sweet and shy, but she’d learned quickly that once determined, stopping you was a true chore. “Wanna touch you now..” Eager hands were faster than your words, catching Wanda off guard with how bold you’d become.

You turned your head just enough to kiss the underside of her covered breast, catching Wanda’s attention when you started sliding her shirt up her sides. “Ah ah, I didn’t hear you ask for permission.”

“But-“ Wanda caught your hand, stopping you just before you could reveal what you so badly wanted to bury yourself in. You were whining again, rolling around in your spot on the mattress wildly. “Please!”

Her raised eyebrow shut down your tantrum before it could start; you wouldn’t get anything if you kept up. It wasn’t fair; you weren’t asking for much. You hated when she made you use your words, Wanda always knew what you wanted anyways.

Taking time to calm yourself was hard, near impossible when Wanda was right there and you felt so impatient your fingers were twitching, but if you didn’t she’d send you to your own room with nothing. You loved your bedroom; it was made special just for you, but Wanda wasn’t there and that made all the difference “Mommy? Your shirt is in the way… can I move it?” If Wanda wasn’t so doting, she wouldn’t have given you time to realize what you missed, but she just nodded silently and gave you a look to go on. You stared at her, thoroughly confused and growing frustrated with yourself for not knowing what to say next.

Whines had just started creeping up your throat when it clicked. “Oh! Can I touch you too? I want special cuddles..” Wanda could’ve made you be specific, but you were already so fidgety she was sure she’d be dealing with a tantrum and you’d been so good all day, she let you off the hook.

“Of course, babydoll,” the older woman eased her shirt over her head slowly, tossing it aside before guiding your head to lay back down. “You asked so nicely, mommy’s proud of you.” The praise instantly cheered you up, wiggling happily back into place against Wanda. She always thought you looked the cutest when you needed her most. It wasn’t too long ago that you’d been reluctant to accept her help, scared to rely on her for fear of the unknown, but she’d shown you there was nothing to fret over. After all, Wanda was the only one you saw— if you didn’t have her, you’d have no one.

She turned just enough for you to cuddle up to her chest snugly, arms lazily clinging about her midsection while your head rested on pillows and her arm. “You’re so pretty, mommy…” It was like second nature to wrap your lips around her nipple, slowly licking the pink bud into hardness. Wanda was more than used to this now, having found that the combination of skin to skin contact and keeping your mouth occupied was a surefire way to soothe her doll even when she was at her crankiest.

Your free hand moved to hold Wanda’s other breast, not wanting any part of her to feel neglected or unappreciated. Being this close to her would never stop being special to you; Wanda meant the world to you, she was your world and every day you somehow found yourself loving her more and more. She did everything for you, took the best care of you all day every day, even when you were difficult; Wanda was the softest, kindest mommy you could ask for. Not that you ever had the opportunity to ask. Fumbling fingers squeezed Wanda’s chest in your palm gently, holding her as securely as you’d hold one of your prized stuffies. “Is this better, doll? Did you just need this to take your nap?”

“Mhm..” As much as you wanted to keep looking at Wanda, memorizing how loving her eyes looked when she glanced down your way, your rhythmic sucking along with Wanda’s short nails scratching at your scalp was pulling you into dreamland fast. “‘m sleepy…”

“I know, sweetie. You’ve been fighting your nap too long,” Wanda adjusted the blankets around you both until you were both swaddled in warm layers, drawing small patterns into the small of your back. “Get to sleep now, dolly. Mommy will be right here.” Nodding was the last thing you did as you drifted off, mouth easing just enough from Wanda’s nipple that she could tell you’d surrendered to nap time. Even while asleep, you nuzzled into her, seeking out her protective presence each time Wanda dared try shifting into a different position.

There were strict rules about your routine, in place for both your consistency and her control; Wanda should take this time to slip away and prepare dinner while you were preoccupied. But your radiating warmth was calming her now too and, even though you’d be perfectly safe, she couldn’t bring herself to pry you off and leave you all alone in her bed. Her eyes closed slowly, tightening her hold on you as you slung your leg over her hip— clearly you didn’t want her to go either. “Sleep tight, little one. We’ll nap together, just this once.”

[bikiniarmorbattledamage]

I think it’s a pretty good example of how progressive voices generally get blamed for the actions of conservative powers, both by conservative reactionaries and centrists - the changes after all, are to appease the Chinese government’s “decency” standards - like these are the most troublesome aspects of Genshin Impact. 

This isn’t the first time that the game has been altered at the behest of the CCP, but since last time it only involved issues of nationalism, capital G gamers were less concerned about it than they are about losing sight of a fictional navel.

The changes are obviously trivial, the designs are as ridiculous as before and the overall vibe is still the same but now it conforms to some arbitrary rules. No lessons are learned, and nothing grows from the experience except tantrums. The stories that can be told are more limited, and the incentive to come up with something truly ridiculous to game the rules raised.

This essentially the same strain of absurdity that leads to mainstreaming many of the worst aspects of bikini armor as once it becomes about arbitrary rules, creepy marketing guys look for ways to get around those rules while still being slimy and condescending.  

Hence why Escher Girls has a massive collection of baffling images spawned from the weird rules that as long as you do something to indicate a nipple exists, and is covered (even if its miles from a believable location) you can show as much tiddy as you want... acres and acres of tiddy.  So much tiddy, it breaks physics and language at the same time to assure you - she’s a woman.

On top of that, you’re almost guaranteed that even though there’s multiple articles talking about how it’s a decision made independently by bureaucrats within the PRC, shitlords are gonna blame western activists and random women for it like this kind of puritism hasn’t traditionally be levered against women.

If you catch anyone doing this though, feel free to point out to them that this is what actual censorship is and what it looks like: a government making up rules about  what arbitrary things are and are not allowed because they say so.

- wincenworks

[hualianff]

10 examples of HC’s cat, E’Ming, being a brat:

1. Pushing things off counters such as his keys, hand towels, paperwork, and hair ties - especially when HC is looking directly at her.

2. HC suddenly fighting for his life in the middle of the night because E’Ming decided to plop herself right on HC’s chest, staring at him with owl eyes, daring him to push her off.

HC does. Except this continues to happen numerous times throughout the night. HC gives up and goes back to sleep with shallow breaths.

Then wakes up at 6 AM sharp to E’Ming violently making biscuits on his tiddies, reminding him it’s breakfast time.

3. E’Ming randomly nipping him when he’s just trying to pet her, damn it! But during the times HC is preoccupied, E’Ming yowls like she’s paid to get the neighbors to call animal services on them!

4. Walking all over HC’s keyboard when he’s trying to work. Sitting on the exact papers he’s trying to look at. Chewing on his fancy pens.

5. Being a PICKY eater.

6. Perching menacingly on the bathroom counter while he showers, staring directly through the glass door.

7. Escaping once a month, also known as giving HC a heart attack once a month.

8. Weaving through his long legs to the point HC trips when trying to avoid stepping on her.

9. E’Ming pawing at the bead in HC’s braided hair.

HC: “NO-“

E’Ming: “MREOWWW!” *bites on the braid*

10. E’Ming scaling HC’s back when she wants to be held, ripping the back of his shirts in the process.

***

1 pro that makes the previous 10 things less insufferable:

1. E’Ming is a Gege-attractor.

***

1 con that cancels out the previous pro:

1. E’Ming is a Gege-hogger.

[extra: E’Ming is a blue-baller.]

***

1. E’Ming wiggling her way between gege’s legs while Hualian make out on the couch…

HC: “DAMN IT NOT NOW-“

XL: “hi sweet girl~”

2. E’Ming loafing on XL’s chest as he lays on the couch. HC comes to join but as he leans forward to kiss XL, E’Ming places her paw on his lips-

HC: “the audacity of my fucking cat- MOVE-!”

Before HC can pick E’Ming up, the cat has wrapped her body around XL’s neck, purring up a storm. XL laughs in delight. His hands gently pet E’Ming’s black, soft fur.

XL: “my noble, gracious protector” *kisses E’Ming’s fur*

HC: 🧍‍♂️

3. E’Ming appearing out of nowhere to aggressively bat HC’s head as he’s about to enter XL-

HC: 😑

Thus, Hualian end up closing HC’s bedroom door every time they need alone time. Sometimes, they put on a playlist to block out E’Ming’s tantrum.

After they’re done. XL goes to let E’Ming in. But before she enters, her nose scrunches up.

She sniffs a couple times. Then glares at HC.

And sprints away.

***

Miraculously, XL has a sixth sense in catching any item E’Ming decides to sweep off the counter.

It’s their thing because E’Ming always tries to be unpredictable but somehow XL IS ALWAYS THERE!? HE’S ALWAYS READY??

IS HE STALKING HER???

XL, catching all the mail E’Ming flung off in succession: “aiya, stop! you know it‘s useless. i’ll just keep catching everything you drop.”

E’Ming: [annoyed] “mrreow!!”

XL: “keep dreaming, kitten” :)

E’Ming: [jumps off counter and retreats to HC’s bedroom]

HC, watching from the side, starstruck: “I think I just fell deeper in love with you, Gege.”

***

No matter what HC claims, he still loves and cares for E’Ming immensely. He actually spoils her to bits by buying her the tastiest food packed with nutrition and the most addicting catnip toys that she could play with for hours.

HC is also in the process of installing high ledges on the wall to create an elevated cat jungle for E’Ming to play on. When he mentions this to XL for the first time, XL raises an eyebrow and smiles, amused.

XL: “she has you wrapped around her sassy little tail, doesn’t she?”

HC, in realization: 🫠

***

When Hualian decide to move in together, XL brings his pet snake, Ruoye, to HC’s apartment.

E’Ming’s fur poofs up in defense when she first spots the long, pale creature behind the glass tank. When Ruoye’s tongue flicks out, E’Ming books it out of the living room.

Absolutely terrifying, she concludes.

But as the months pass by, E’Ming comes to accept this foreign thing must stay. It doesn’t stop her from staring at Ruoye for long periods of time, or from trying to intimidate the snake with a front-row-seat to her wrestling a stuffed animal frog WWE-style.

But they manage to get along. Eventually, it will be safe enough that XL can take Ruoye out and hang her on his neck while he completes chores and E’Ming will insistently tag along.

Plus, all the dead mice that E’Ming proudly drops at HC’s feet can contribute towards Ruoye’s food source.

***

XL’s moving in also means a boost in social events HC is a part of. Not that he minds too much because most of the time it’s people both he and XL are familiar with.

If E’Ming can be a total brat to the one who puts a roof over her head and food in her bowl, then she can be satan’s literal spawn to humans in every other category. (Excluding XL, of course.)

Cue HC subjecting his devil cat to certain somebodies during their Chinese New Year dinner.

E’Ming actually doesn’t mind HX. For years, HX looked after her when HC was away, and she quite likes HX’s scent for some reason…fishy.

But HX, in his all black attire, steers clear from the black furball who will bite him if he doesn’t feed her the special treats he usually has and currently doesn’t.

MQ and E’Ming have glaring contests. Every time. E’Ming looks like she’s preparing to attack MQ’s leg? Go on, he seethes with his eyes. I dare you.

E’Ming stalks away with her chin tipped up.

MQ is also the only one who can stop E’Ming from pushing things off the counter with one tongue-click.

However, no matter how hard MQ tries to prevent it, E’Ming always squeezes her way in to watch him go to the bathroom.

FX high-key really wants to pet E’Ming but he doesn’t stand a chance.

MQ to FX: “you know, it doesn’t help that you have dogs”

FX: “s-shut up”

E’Ming walking by…

FX: “hiiii, hellooo sweet thing!”

E’Ming: 👁👁

FX: “…pspspsp-“

E’Ming hisses, then trots away.

Right into YY’s arms.

Because for some reason, E’Ming LOVES YY. She always greets him at the front door with a soft “mrrrp??” and then rub her cheek on his legs until he picks her up.

YY holds her like a baby, rocking slightly. E’Ming immediately begins purring loudly, slowly closing her eyes.

HC: “you know you’re stuck with her for awhile now?”

YY: “yeah” *heads to the chair in the corner*

If you listen closely, you can hear FX sobbing in the background.

***

w/ @no-one-says-hi

《2》

[myonepiece]

Hello, how you doing? The mini NSFW headcanons you wrote were amazing😍 I would like to request for Killer too please. Thank you, your work is great as always💕

of course 🥰

killer mini nsfw headcanons

-this is honestly self indulging and probably tmi but... his fucking balls. like just lick them, if you're into that of course- but like massage them whileyou suck him off, kiss the, he'll groan 🤤 even if he was trying to keep it in (no i haven't thought about doing this shut up 😭)

-if either of you is horny and you're in a town with nothing to do and you're off on your own or just blindly following around the crew, killer will pull you into a nearby alley, pull your pants down and move your panties to the side and just go. at. it. but his mask is still on so you can't really see his expressions but that doesn't make it any less pleasurable i mean-

-have you even seen this man's chest? pfft of course you have if you follow me 😌 but seriously those tiddies need to be sucked, shove your face in them, grope them, etc, just do it please he loves it

-omg omg sometimes you end up sitting on killer's lap (both of you naked of course) and killer has one hand on your waist and the other on the side of your neck holding your head closer so your forehead are leaning against each other while he just pounds up into you

-sometimes when killer has been busy or is busy but really horny he'll pull you into a closet and you end up fucking with his pants down around his ankles and he's desperately thrusting into you so he can finish quickly before kid throws a tantrum (but don't worry it'll last longer that night ;)

[badass-at-fandoming]

Just Little Malkavian Things ~

Malkavians these days can do nothing but de-conceptualize, Dement, eat hot chip, and lie.

Since people seemed to enjoy the #JustLittleVentrueThings VTMB adventure, here's a matching Malkavian one. Though I'm gonna be real with ya here, I had less fun D:

I finally figured out why I have such trouble wrapping my head around depictions of Malkavians in VTM media. Books, Storytellers, and fans say it's like having a mental illness and being linked to a massive group chat. But, listen, I've lived around and with mental illness all my life. I've been in massive group chats. Being Malkavian ain't like that.

It IS like being an early-twenties English major in the midst of an existential crisis, over-worked and cross-faded outta your skull and watching horror movies to Cope(TM)

So it's like drugs. It's like you had too much weed and too much wine and are let loose on Los Angeles. Which. My friends and I have and we, coincidentally, also "fought" a stop sign. The Malkavian PC never really seemed like a character to me: she's like a collection of cliches and dude-bros doing blunts while watching slasher movies. I named her Liotta after the Psychic Shop owner, and I'm sad Liotta didn't really get to be a person.

I wasn't surprised by any of the dialog. It's a pattern. Alliteration, allusion, animal joke. Alliteration, allusion, animal joke. It lost its charm.

Often, I didn't know what the FUCK I was saying. Which is the Malkavian Experience(TM), according to Rosa.

Anyway

Nonsense time

Most characters have an extra paragraph of dialog to Acknowledge That You Are A Malkavian. Some get an extra conversation branch. For example, there's lots of new Bertie dialog and he was all impressed Liotta knows about Gehenna and Thin-bloods <3. The Anarchs characters, especially Skelter, get a lot more. Skelter, Ash, and Liotta totally vibe.

If you sneak around the Santa Monica drug house, they talk about Mercurio?? Hello?? Mercurio, you bent Masquerade by not getting beat up real good.

Zero pretense about Voerman. Yes, I have DID; yes, I am making it your problem.

When Liotta talked to Beckett, he said the DID was "something to look forward to." Goddamnit, Beckett. That's not how the Bane or mental illness works! >:-(

I've never sneaked before!!! Did you know that the Tong AND the American gang downtown have fakes in their suitcases??? Like, Full On, "it's just stuffed with newspapers, brah." They were going to kill each other over newspapers. For some reason the Tong brought the REAL suitcase along too, but I'm so past having VTM make any sort of sense. It's fine.

Accidentally pissed off Nines. I meant farmer (affectionate) and Nines thought I meant farmer (derogatory). :(

The Dementation powers are (a) pretty purple loop-de-loops, (b) not as effective as Dominate (reaaaallyyy missed a good AOE attack), and (c) oddly enough, gave more compassionate dialog choices. I mean. In the pen-and-paper version, Dementation isn't conflict-focused, so the devs had to jigger it to use as attacks. But I was touched when Liotta made Hannah believe she was Paul, so Hannah got to say goodbye. Making Samantha believe Liotta was a pet turtle was funny and spared her the pain of her friend vanishing a second time. Heather thinks her entire experience was a dream and returns to her life, more or less unscathed.

Boris?? Asked Liotta to kill Venus for him???? DUDE, WHAT. I didn't know he could counter-offer!! What happens if you take up his offer? Who controls Confession? Does it close down??

Pro Tip: don't trust the pale woman in a cowboy stripper outfit who comes out of your vent and tells you everything's fine.

I went through an ENTIRE Ventrue playthrough without puking and Liotta ate one (1) unhoused person and blew chunks. I didn't realize Diseased Blood was a threat. What happens if you skip the Plague-bearer quest? Should you just never chomp on the Downtown unhoused community?

Strauss called Liotta "young one" and I was like, sir. You're not Beckett, you can't trick me.

A rat dances in the Downtown sewers and tells Liotta that the grass is greener in someone else's asshole.

And also will take you places.

Do you know what it's like for a Capri Sun to suddenly start speaking and offer taxi services.

LaCroix: how did Bach find me??? also LaCroix: [names his company after himself] [lives in Ventrue Tower]

Liotta told Beckett that Kindred are a joke and I got extra EXP for being so sneaky.

DMP produced snuff films even before Andrei???!!!! I thought all the blood was from the lil geo-dudes.

Liotta agreed with Andrei that Caine is here and boot-scooting around in his lil Angst Mobile. :D

As bad as Liotta was in group fights, she repeatedly made bosses cower and stand quietly while she beat them to death. Andrei had a full on lay-on-the-floor temper tantrum in his war form and Liotta just. Smacked him until he exploded. She didn't even take damage!

Imalia's computer password is ALSO "cleopatra." Just like Tawni's! Dual reference to the Embrace type

IDK why I never asked this before, but, um, who does Mitnick share the bunk bed with? Barabus..?

I went back to the Empire Hotel Penthouse suite to fetch the educational book and the Russian mob dudes were still there?? Hello, sirs, your leader is dead. You can leave now.

Liotta heard the real thoughts of the Red Dragon hostess...and also some debate about the Dark Father's presence in LA, heehee.

I thought it was fun that one of the "take me away, Cabbie!" taxi replies mentioned riding in a car like father and child. :D

"Why is the Mandarin giggling at me" is a sentence that came out of my face.

With the different dialog options, sometimes it's impossible to be polite to NPCs. For example: Liotta could only call VV "dolly/doll/toy doll" instead of her preferred names; the Chinatown gun seller felt frightened, thinking we were Police or Immigration.

Some great fourth wall breaks in the dialog: "I don't want to get involved either, but tell that to whoever is playing me!" to Beckett after the Giovanni Mansion.

"You can't spell success without whatever the hell my name is."

"If I cannot win with effort, I will cheat my way to victory. I am gone." Funnily enough, this was my first run where I didn't hack in to boost stats.

"I just want it to end. I feel like I've been playing forever."

Some nice wider lore references: "I devour knowledge like the great worm devours the corpse of society" could refer to how Salout, in tapeworm form, is devouring Tremere's body and destabilizing the Clan and/or Kindred night society.

"They should have a channel devoted to you in my head" to Beckett. In his Diary, Beckett witnesses Malkavians devouring Malkav and may or may not join the Cobweb (PS check out this great fanfic where he does).

This made me stare into space for a minute and question my life choices. During the Sabbat massacre, Liotta didn't snack on any of the blood doll ghouls (ya know, the ones with the eyes gouged out). She had such high Inspection + Finance that she had $4k in her wallet and could buy blood. I wanted to test a rumor that if you don't feed on the blood dolls, you get extra EXP. You do. BUT anywAY, right before the Tremere miniboss, Liotta was sword-fighting some goons and the blood doll...attacked him for her? Like. He moved on his own. When the goon was dead, the blood doll asked if Liotta was all right. This might have been a glitch but...the horrific implications that those men are still conscious, still willful, still feeling. ACK. I hope they got out the next morning.

RIP Ming Xiao. Flamethrower right to the tiddies.

I stole @ryttu3k's idea and noclipped through the werewolf section. Liotta still killed the Garou, but I didn't want the stress.

Caine is very Caine. "Don't you get it? We've already been judged!"

Liotta went Anarch because what little backstory I came up for her was she considered Smiling Jack her sire. Nines complimented her ability to murder.

Sheriff got sooooo dizzy that he fell over right onto Liotta's sword 27 times.

Dancing werewolf ending! Seemed fitting. :D