#(which I am only accepting as an option if it can apply to my whole team because

[avaantares]

Fanfiction Authors: HEADS UP

(Non-authors, please RB to signal boost to your author friends!)

An astute reader informed me this morning that one of my fics (Children of the Future Age) had been pirated and was being sold as a novel on Amazon:

(And they weren't even creative with their cover design. If you're going to pirate something that I spent a full year of my life writing, at least give me a pretty screenshot to brag about later. Seriously.)

I promptly filed a DMCA complaint to have it removed, but I checked out the company that put it up -- Plush Books -- and it looks like A LOT of their books are pirated fic. They are by no means the only ones doing this, either -- the fact that """publishers""" can download stories from AO3 in ebook format and then reupload them to Amazon in just a few clicks makes fic piracy a common problem. There are a whole host of reasons why letting this continue is bad -- including actual legal risk to fanfiction archives -- but basically:

IF YOU ARE A FANFIC AUTHOR WITH LONG AND/OR POPULAR WORKS, PLEASE CHECK AMAZON TO SEE IF YOUR STORIES HAVE BEEN PIRATED.

You can search for your fics by title, or by text from the description (which is often just copied wholesale from AO3 as well). If you find that someone has stolen your work and is selling it as their own, you can lodge a DMCA complaint (Amazon.com/USA site; other countries have different systems). If you haven't done this before, it's easy! Here's a tutorial:

HOW TO FILE A COPYRIGHT COMPLAINT FOR STOLEN WORK ON AMAZON.COM:

First, go to this form. You'll need to be signed into your Amazon account.

Select the radio buttons/dropdown options (shown below) to indicate that you are the legal Rights Owner, you have a copyright concern, and it is about a pirated product.

Enter the name of your story in the Name of Brand field.

In the Link to the Copyrighted Work box, enter a link to the story on AO3 or whatever site your work is posted on.

In the Additional Information box, explain that you are the author of the work and it is being sold without your permission. That's all you really need. If you want, you can include additional information that might be helpful in establishing the validity of your claim, but you don't have to go into great detail. You can simply write something like this:

I am the author of this work, which is being sold by [publisher] without my permission. I originally published this story in [date/year] on [name of site], and have provided a link to the original above. On request, I can provide documentation proving that I am the owner of the account that originally posted this story.

In the ASIN/ISBN-10 field, copy and paste the ID number from the pirated copy's URL. You'll find this ten-digit number in the Amazon URL after the word "product," as in the screenshot below. (If the URL extends beyond this number, you can ignore everything from the question mark on.) Once this number has been added, Amazon will pull the product information automatically and add it to the complaint form, so you can check the listing title and make sure it's correct.

Finally, add your contact information to the relevant fields, check the "I have read and accept the statements" box, and then click Submit. You should receive an email confirmation that Amazon has received the form.

Please share this information with your writer friends, keep an eye out for/report pirated works, and help us keep fanfiction free and legally protected!

NOTE: All of the above also applies to Amazon products featuring stolen artwork, etc., so fan artists should check too!

[keepingthepeaceinouterspace]

.

[mrs-monaghan]

there’s so much misinfo going round atm, see lots of people saying that after jk enlists with jm and does the boot camp he can apply for some special ???something and will leave separately where he is stationed or that just because jk / jm are enlisting on same day, they only will do basic training together then go to separate places ? and that they only chose the enlisting together option because it meant they could make sure they were out in time for june ?

ik it’s a bit hard to follow maybe with different sources and not real confirmation but do you know if any of it is true? my understanding was that they did the “enlisting together” scheme thing, (ie. it’s a purposeful application, they knew they were choosing this way) which meant they’ll at least be in same living quarters etc the whole time until they’re out ?

sorry for long Q! it’s ok if you dk it was just confusing D; thank you!

Hi anon. 😳 I am terrible when it comes to the serious stuff and have the attention span of a toddler when such topics arise. My mind registers them as boring and so I don't retain the in4. But my friends delved deep into this so I will gather as much as I can and do my best to explain the sitch

Let me start by correcting the biggest misinformation of them all. Thanks to fucking Mina with her fake subs and reaching conclusions, the vermin are confusing "Special Task Force" with "Special Forces"

JK said he wanted to join special forces. Well and good

But thats not what V is doing. V applied for Special Task Force which, while not easy (he said in the live its why he enlisted there, to challenge himself) its nothing compared to special forces. Special forces is HARD CORE. Its no joke. It's for those who actually want to go to war and proper fight for their country. Not for those fulfilling a mandatory duty... One they wouldn't do if they had the choice. Special forces, those people actually wanna be there. And if u know JK then u shouldn't be surprised that he would say something like this. Of course our dare devil bunny would enjoy joining something as risky as special forces.

But guess what? No one stopped him. He still could have gone there if he really wanted to. Just like in Winter package. No one told him to give up zip lining for beer tasting. He did that off his own volition since Jimin was going beer tasting. JK's happiness is where Jimin is. Period. (Suga's presence played a big part but we don't talk about Yoonmin)

(Edit: the whole thing takes almost 8 years to complete which again, is not something JK would actually do if he wanted to still stay a member of BTS. And of course satellite Jeon would again, never do it)

Jikook wanted to use the buddy system and they applied where Jin is on purpose because since the location is so risky, (front lines) not alot of people apply to serve there. So the chances of them being accepted were pretty high. I already talked a bit about that here.

Coldest and most dangerous. But before we panic, Jikook love snow so... thats good. But also;

2 things to note before we continue; 1) Tattoos are a none factor on why Jikook applied together or why JK couldn't be with V. They had 0 to do with that. And 2) All members and where they ended up it was their decision

So, here is a Korean explaining

They shall not be separated. They will train together and continue to serve together

One body. Shiet.

Nice. Even the breaks they will take together. Basically spend every minute together for those 18 months y'all.

They had to pass 3 rounds. Applying wasn't all. They had rounds to pass before getting accepted. So as we can see this was a whole ass process. They really worked hard on this to make it happen.

Apparently there is a show you can watch that explains the buddy system. Its 8 episodes, its called real man

The holding hands thing is legit 🤣🤣🤣

Jikook shouldn't have an issue then 🤭

Anon, people are in denial and the other half are trying to explain this away. If Jikook only went in together just so they could come out at the same time then they could have done what Vmon did. Apply separately at the same time.

This is one tough pill to swallow for antis. It's like the biggest fuck u Jikook could have ever done but at the same time I really don't think they factored anyone else but themselves when they made this decision.

18 months is no small amount of time so let's call a spade a spade; Jikook couldn't be apart that long. Fax 💯 JK wanted to be there for Jimin, Jimin wanted to be there for JK, of course. Them in the same place looking out for each other is all I as a fan who loves them can ask for. But at the same time, they needed this.

Anon, they will be together 24/7 for the entire duration of their time there.

Yes. Sleeping in the same quarters. It wouldn't make sense for companionship if they were separating the recruits who applied together. To be companions. Of each other.

The buddy system is there to help friends cope with this difficult mandatory thing that the government insists on doing to their young men. It's there to help them cope in any way possible. I imagine mostly mentally. So why would they train them together then separate them? ❓❓❓

It is said that you should make sure the person you apply with, is a person u get along with super well because for the next 18 months you will be together every moment of everyday. It's krazy to imagine that JK wouldn't rather do this with his actual boyfriend V, instead. Krazy. 🤯

Anygays, no need to worry my good people, Jimin and JK have got each other's back. All that's left is to wait for them and pray for them. May they always hold hands 🤭

Tihihihihihihi

[sparkle-fiend]

Bonds Forged in Battle

A platonic Stobin prequel to my story Red Touches Black.

The opening of Starcourt mall is a blow to the small businesses of Hawkins, but it’s a boon to broke teenagers like Robin Buckley. A whole array of shops and food stands looking to hire anyone willing to work minimum wage, no experience necessary. She applied to half a dozen options, got a call back from three of them, and accepted the position at Scoops Ahoy. (The deciding factor was the promise of free ice cream – all you can eat.)

Training was easy. Two weeks with a guy named James, who showed her how to work the register and drilled her on mind-numbing sales pitches, a brief primer on good hygiene - were there really people out there that didn’t wash their hands after using the bathroom? Ew. And that’s it. Robin is officially named shift leader, which means she can open and close the register and she gets to boss around a new hire.

She shows up to work on Monday bright and early, not exactly enthusiastic, but at least ready to meet her new coworker – only to come face to face with Steve “The Hair” Harrington, of all people.

“Please tell me this is a joke.”

“I’m sorry?” He stares at her with absolutely no recognition in his eyes, and doesn’t that just sting? The guy has basically been her arch nemesis since sophomore year, and he doesn’t even have a clue who she is.

She scowls at him and slams her way through opening the shop, ignoring his puzzled puppy dog eyes. Her red squirrel daemon, Arthur, follows the guy around, chittering in annoyance. Steve’s daemon is confined to the back – too large to maneuver around behind the counter.

If she didn’t hate him so much, she might feel bad for him. He keeps peeking through the porthole window to check on his daemon, ducking through the door to run a hand over her head as soon as he goes on break. The wolf’s tail thumps against the wall, and Robin reminds herself that he’s Steve Harrington, King of Hawkins High, resident douchebag – and her smoldering anger returns.

He was always so above it all in high school – like he was better than everyone around him. Gliding through life like some untouchable prince. Robin assumes it will be the same at Scoops; expects him to smoothly flirt with every girl that comes in, scoring numbers while Robin does all the actual work.

Shock of the century – Robin is wrong.

She watches a pretty blond slide up to the counter, asking for two scoops of mint-chocolate chip. Steve breaks the first cone – just crumbles it in his big clumsy hands – tries to laugh it off and then breaks another one. By the time he hands over the ice cream, the blond looks bored and impatient, rolling her eyes when he miscounts the change. The whole thing is painfully awkward; Robin watches from the corner in delight.

She thinks that was probably a fluke, but then it happens again and again, and holy shit – this might be the best thing that has ever happened to Robin Buckley.

She sidles up beside him after the latest disaster, a pair of girls giggling behind their hands as they walk away, leaving Steve blushing a violent red at the counter.

"Holy shit Harrington, I thought you were supposed to be some kind of ladies man? Looks like the rumors in high school were greatly exaggerated."

She braces for impact as soon as she says it. Not that she thinks he would actually hit her, but words can sometimes be more painful.

All he does is slump and scowl at her half-heartedly. "That was a fluke, okay? Everyone strikes out once in a while."

"Yeah? Well it's been more than once sailor - trust me."

"What, are you keeping count?"

She realizes it might be kind of weird, to admit that she's been paying such close attention to him – but she can always play it off into a joke. "You know what? Now I am."

She goes to the back, shoving through the swinging door and stepping carefully around Eleanor. Steve follows as she pulls the whiteboard off the wall. It's supposed to be used for inventory and notes for the incoming shift, but the only thing anyone ever leaves on it are crudely drawn cartoons and profanity. Robin wipes it clean and uncaps the black marker, drawing a long line across the board with a squeak.

"What are you doing?" Steve asks in a tired voice.

"This is officially an important scientific experiment," she says, completing the simple grid. She writes at the top, in large letters: 'You Rule' on one side and 'You Suck' on the other. "Does Steve Harrington suck at dating, or is he still the King?"

"Seriously?" he says flatly.

"Seriously," she repeats, snapping the cap back on her marker with a loud click. She kind of can't believe he's let her take it this far. He's just standing there looking unamused, hands on his hips like some kind of long-suffering soccer mom. Robin glances at his daemon. The wolf is laying against the wall with her head on her paws, watching them with pricked ears and curious golden eyes. She doesn’t look bothered, so Robin decides to push just a little further. "For the record - I think you probably suck."

Steve rolls his eyes and turns away with a huff. "Whatever gets you through the day Buckley. I'm gonna prove you wrong."

(She's not wrong.)

Read the rest on Ao3

[no-passaran]

ok but if people can apply for asylum on grounds of 'i am asexual and therefore a looming forced marriage is why i need to flee' it leads to the dangerous precedent that women who aren't asexual could be refused asylum, idk if this is very coherently explained. but tbh my biggest issue with making asexuality part of the LGBT is just that a lot of asexuals seem to think that their boundaries and issues are more important than those of them who aren't asexual.

But in that case, lesbian and gay people who also face exactly the same struggles as asexual people in their home countries (forced marriages, rape, conversion therapy) shouldn't be allowed asylum either. And what about other groups that are also allowed asylum, like political dissidents? Should nobody be granted asylum anymore? And asexual people are more likely to be put in forced marriages than straight people, and the forced marriage is only the visible tip of the iceberg of a long list of abuses and trying to "fix" them from their families.

The thing is, everyone should be allowed to move wherever they want. It sucks that we live in a world where the state has to accept whether or not you can move to a different location and gets to decide whether your reasons are good enough or not. And we have to work towards dismantling all of that. But that's a long-term goal, and asylum laws exist right now and can help people right now. It's a good thing that you can get accepted as an asylum seeker because you're gay or lesbian and that's repressed in your country, so it's not difficult to add asexuality to those already existing laws. That's a short-term goal and that can be achieved and can save lives now. It doesn't mean that it's any more or less deserved than people who move for any other reason (economical reasons for example), but it's a strategy that can actually be achieved now. The point is to expand who that right gets applied to, not to further restrict it and keep more people in suffering.

Idk what you mean with the last part of your message though. You don't want asexual people to be in the LGBT community because some of us defend their boundaries too much? Everyone should defend their boundaries, nobody should have to be subjected to what they don't want to. That's a good thing for everyone to learn to respect, and the only thing it will result in is in more diversity of what gets done. For example, if a local LGBT community organizes a party that's all centered around sex and some asexual people don't want to go, that doesn't mean that party isn't going to happen or that they're not going to support that party, it only mean that in addition to that there will be other activities that they like, for example conferences and debates, political activities, book presentations, chill meetings over coffee, or whatever they propose. This will be good not only for the asexual people who proposed it, but also for anyone else who is into this plan, minors, etc. Many people might even be interested in both. Greater diversity of options is always good, the thing is just not to censor each other (which I've never seen asexual people do, but is what you're doing rn when saying asexual people shouldn't be allowed because some of them annoyed you, thus this whole demographic group doesn't deserve support from the only community fighting to end the oppression they're subjected to).

[dead-boy-dont-eat]

Hello! I have a question

So I am an ex-anti, and I'm pretty neutral on the proship community, but I've seen things that irk me pretty bad.

Why do some (a very small amount, but I've seen it) call antis a cult? I feel like a lot of antis (as I was) were very misinformed and didn't mean genuine harm. And cults cause so, so many deaths (amongst other things) and I think it's not a very fair comparison. Cults aren't comparable to uninformed people.

Thank you!

Hello, anon! You certainly ask an important question here, and I'll do my best to give it the research and thought that it requires. Apologies in advance because this is likely going to be a long post. I'll put a TL;DR at the end, but I encourage you to read through everything for a better understanding. I've taken the following phrases from a checklist of cult characteristics. A link to the full list is here. I'll only be commenting on the ones I find relevant. (Most of the others are not included because antis are not a religious organization or because they would not apply to any online-based group)

The group displays an excessively zealous and unquestioning commitment to its leader, and regards their belief system, ideology, and practices as the Truth, as law. While antis on a whole do not have universal leadership, the foundation of the position rests on this idea: fictional media can change a person who would otherwise never commit a crime into one that would, and that this phenomenon takes place on such a large scale that the act of consuming fiction can be claimed as moral or immoral. This belief is accepted in the community in spite of repeated psychological and sociological evidence to the contrary, and is practiced as truth with little questioning.

Questioning, doubt, and dissent are discouraged or even punished. From what I have observed, it is common practice that, when an anti questions the actions or beliefs of the community, they are often assumed to be a secret pro-shipper (which they often understand to mean pedophile or groomer) or at least hold some problematic beliefs. The consequences of this vary by group, but often involve the person who questioned to be shamed for it.

The leadership dictates, sometimes in great detail, how members should think, act, and feel. Again, while antis on a whole do not have universal leadership, there are universal ideals that they all seem to hold: certain fiction is inherently immoral, the act of consuming or thinking positively about this fiction is immoral, and that those that consume this fiction are unhealthy and dangerous. These communities may also be very critical of kink and sex work, detailing which kinks are good and which are bad.

The group has a polarized, us-versus-them mentality, which may cause conflict with the wider society. Since antis have been lead to believe that pro-shippers are inherently immoral people- some to the point of believing they are child predators or groomers- they often believe that the only moral option is to root out and expose these people to get them to either change or to leave the platform.

The group teaches or implies that its supposedly exalted ends justify whatever means it deems necessary. This may result in members participating in behaviors or activities they would have considered reprehensible or unethical before joining the group. Antis are led to believe that certain acts (suicide-baiting, bullying, harassment, death threats, doxxing, etc., or, being complicit with these acts) are justifiable because they "work towards a higher goal" which is often something that is at face value agreeable such as "keeping children safe" or "protecting abuse victims."

The leadership induces feelings of shame and/or guilt in order to influence and control members. Often this is done through peer pressure and subtle forms of persuasion. Anti-ship beliefs naturally evolve into antis admonishing each other for the shows they choose to watch, books / fanfics they choose to read, and art that they create. There is a lot of self-policing that takes place to make sure that they don't accidentally consume "something pro-ship." Once a group is made aware that a member has come into contact with something problematic, it's common that an effort is made to "warn" them about the dangers associated with the content.

Subservience to the leader or group requires members to cut ties with family and friends, and radically alter the personal goals and activities they had before joining the group. The above self-policing is not ordinarily limited to media consumed, but also to people that an anti chooses to follow. If an anti is seen following a pro-shipper, for example, and they are warned about the pro-shipper's status as an "other", they are expected to unfollow and stop interaction with that person as soon as possible, otherwise they are labeled as supporting pro-ship ideas. If an anti is consuming media deemed problematic, they are expected to stop doing so as soon as possible.

The group is preoccupied with bringing in new members. Again, this is tied to antis being led to believe they are the only moral position. They are naturally very focused on convincing those in the middle and even pro-shippers that are found to be redeemable.

Members are encouraged or required to live and/or socialize only with other group members. Very similar to points made above. Socializing with pro-shippers is seen as being complicit to child abuse and is the subject of shame in these circles.

First, I will say that I do not believe antis are a cult in a traditional or religious sense. I haven't seen any proshippers say that they do believe antis to be a cult in this way (though there may well be), but rather that they see similarities to how cults function based on either research on the matter and/or personal experience with cult abuse. On that level, I certainly see and agree that there are similarities. Now, while I believe that antis are considerably similar to cults- I also believe that the majority of things they have in common are similar to any other abusive group. To your point, perhaps it would be better to use this phrasing, as it doesn't invoke the same imagery that might confuse an outside party. However, I also believe that the similarity is there and it is patently valid to point it out. In my personal opinion, the two ideas (A, that antis share similarities in function to cults, and B, that many antis are misinformed and don't mean genuine harm) aren't opposed. In fact, I think they support each other- I agree with both statements. It's exactly the point that members of abusive groups are misinformed and don't mean genuine harm- often, these groups form in an effort to accomplish something good, like protecting children and abuse victims! People who want to bully and harass others will capitalize on an anti's goodwill and disgust with real life events to achieve their own end. TL;DR: Personally, I see many similarities between the way that the anti community and cults have operated- but these similarities exist between most abusive groups, not just cults. I agree with you that antis are often well intentioned but misinformed people, and see the majority as victims. However, this belief does not contradict with the comparison. It adds to it. -B

[ukftm]

Sorry this is so long. In 2017 i was seen at london gic, given the go ahead for testosterone gel. My gp refused at the time. I tried 3 different gp’s and the 4th agreed to start (now 2020) but she was a locum. When she left my gp cancelled the prescription i was only on it 3 months. I begged my gp to continue but got nowhere as she “didn’t believe it was right thing to do” her words. So i changed gp surgery. It took me so long to change as i felt like giving up, but i finally thought i’d try again. Just had a appointment waited 8 weeks for it and all i got was a referral back to gic London which is 5 year long wait list. I’m going to try another gp at this surgery another 8 week wait. If they refuse to starting a prescription, i’ll have to wait the 5 years again and even then a gp can refuse to prescribe again like the first time. I came out when i was 16 it’s 10 years later and medically i am no further forward. I am so frustrated at the whole system. It feels like i will never be able to medically transition. I want to give up completely. I’ve done everything i can transition wise (documents ect). What are my options if i still get refused from every gp i see, i can’t afford private care. I know legally no gp has to prescribe on recommendation of a specialist but if that’s the case then every gp i see won’t prescribe. I can’t keep trying, it’s exhausting and i haven’t got anywhere in 10years. What can i do?

Hi Anon,

My advise would be to write a letter of complaint to your local NHS board, detailing the fact that you have been prescribed T from your GIC and your multiple GPS have refused you treatment (detail the specific GPs by name). These GPs are acting against the recommendation of the GIC and refusing you care/treatment.

Before you write your letter of complaint, do some research on the NHS website and look at their care statements and policies for patients. This will help you use some of these points in your letter.

GPs may have their own opinions about trans health care but they CANNOT refuse you treatment especially when you have been prescribed T by your GIC. GPs cannot decide who they will and will not treat. This is discrimination. You must say very clearly in your complaint letter that you are being refused treatment as a trans person and you are therefore being discriminated against due to your trans identity. Using words like ‘discrimination’ and ‘refusal of access to medical care’ are really important when writing letters of complaint.

The General medical council clearly state: “That GPs must co-operate with gender identity clinics and specialists to provide effective and timely treatment for trans and non-binary people.”

You may also want to get in contact with your GIC and ask if there is anything further they can do.

You would however NOT be put back to the bottom of the waiting list so you would not have to wait another 5 years for further letters or appointments with your GIC. You would just need to email/call them to discuss your situation.

You should also reach out to your local MSP and tell them about your situation and that as a trans person you are being refused treatment.

Citizens advice are also a good place to contact for advice. Their website states: “if GPs refuse to accept you, they must provide reasonable grounds and give you their reasons in writing”. This will apply to refusing treatment also. I have attached the citizens advice website as it provides a few options to get help.

There are too many trans people having bad experiences like this with their GPs, but writing formal letters of complaint highlighting their discriminatory practises are essential here.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/scotland/health/nhs-healthcare-s/nhs-patients-rights-s/#:~:text=If%20they%20refuse%20to%20accept,first%20choice%20has%20been%20refused.

I have also attached a document that Mermaids created about GPs and their duty of care as well as a link to a website discussing trans healthcare, so you may find this information helpful:

https://www.bma.org.uk/advice-and-support/gp-practices/gp-service-provision/managing-patients-with-gender-dysphoria

[scienceoftheidiot]

Hi! So I'm going to catch up on the latest chapter of All The Hope asap, but do you mind sharing some of the inspirations and thought processes you had behind writing this story? :D

Aahh don't worry about catching up, the fic is there and not going away, read when you can 🥰

I'm so sorry this is going to be... Extremely long... 😬😬😬 oops 😅

Sooo there are a number of thought processes I've gone through when writing this specific fic! I'll try to explain while being not too spoilery 😅

(Edit : in case anyone wants to read the fic, you can find it here : All the hope that I lost, you have found)

First, as I say in the notes of the fic, I had the idea of this because I had already written a fic where Roy didn't get healed after Promised Day and stayed blind, but in this one it was understood in the background that Grumman had pressured the other generals so he'd be able to keep him.

The result is a fic where, inbetween the lines, Roy has a LOT of pressure on himself, has to go through rehab and at the same time has to prove he can still be kept in the army - which means the frat laws still apply, and neither he nor Riza have much brain power left to try and address this, which makes for a weird power imbalance and Roy not knowing where he stands and what he wants out of the relationship (which. Is what backfires at the beginning, because, he in fact, knows very well, and what he wants is NOT nurse Riza 🙃). So the whole setting is different.

I still like this fic, and many things that happen in it, but it's pretty unrealistic even by FMA standards, lol (I also forgot to take into account that Havoc himself would need a lot of rehab before he comes back 😅), and I wanted to explore the other, more realistic option imo, that Roy wouldn't be kept in the army's ranks.

Because with Roy out of the army, so many things can actually work better.

Of course the obvious, and what Roy realizes himself in the first chapter, is that the frat laws don't apply. More on that later.

But there's also the fact that Roy, as a General (Grumman would definitely not leave him a Colonel after Promised Day at least in part because so many generals have died 😅), would have overseen Ishval's restauration from afar, and not be hands on. Because he'd have a lot of work, he'd probably be appointed to be the head of East Command at the very least (Grumman even talks about it in the manga), and while Roy this way can ensure there's enough funds and men and help going and he would have been far more able to pull money from the state and rich people of Amestris to fund the restauration, he would also be way too precious to be allowed to just roam around Ishval helping rebuild.

Basically, in post Promised Day Amestris, an able bodied General Mustang who wouldn't use alchemy much is far more precious to the army than an overpowered, but blind Roy. Not only do I like to pull the rug from under his feet because I'm just evil like that, I like how he's never been that powerful, and yet. While there's a lot of talk about how Amestris is pretty good at accepting disability (no meta from me there, I don't have much to say), it's stated plainly a couple of times that unless they can be fit with an automail, disabled soldiers are no use. See Havoc. Anyway that's the way I followed, because even with Grumman on top, the army stays the army, and the army is not a nice institution. At least Roy and Havoc got a pension 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don't think they could have expected much more.

So overall, politically speaking, having Roy stay in the army is interesting, but action wise a little less. Alchemy wise, too. Because I want Roy to use his new overpowered alchemy (he will !!! And not only to transmute tea, spoons and squeaky door hinges, lol)(this fic is very slow aaab I am sorry), and if he's not on the field or only as a last resort against some incredibly powerful enemy.... That's not of my interest. (Keep in mind that's just MY train of thoughts, lol, I am not dissing any fic that does that. I want to read them. Lol). And to be honest I don't see any other reason that just being kicked out where Roy would leave the army (in manga/BH. In 03 I have different ideas but this reply is already soooo long).

Another point is that I wanted to explore Royai as an established couple, but still stay within the lines of the original story. And here I have the perfect setting : no frat laws anymore, they needed each other to basically survive during and right after Promised Day, and I had them make this deal that if Riza helps Roy, she has to let him help her, too. In this fic, the result of Promised Day is that now they are codependent more than ever, and I wanted to explore that, how their relationship shifts but in the end stays the same, and how it helps them move on.

It's definitely NOT a sane way to recover IRL, I know lol, but I think for them there is no other way. Their lives are already so entwined, it couldn't work differently in this specific case.

Last but not least : I'm an angst monster. Taking everything from Roy and fucking up Riza? Yes please let me play with that 😈 How is someone as stubborn and ambitious as Roy going to deal with having his ambitions crushed, and his autonomy seriously hampered? How is Riza going to deal with what was basically her goal by procuration disappearing, and her job radically changing? How are they both going to go on? Together, of course. And as I had Roy say himself in the fic, maybe they can allow themselves that, even if it's temporary, because, well. They don't have much else left. And it's not hurting anybody so why not.

So with this as a (clearly not as defined at the time) base I went on and then the events just clicked.

However. I want to say a couple of things about this fic, more in a logistics way :

First, the number of chapters is a lie. I have hastily cut all the "conjoined" chapters I had in half to get a rough number, but in fact there are some chapters that I keep as one, some that I divided that I had not planned on dividing. So take the number of chapters as an indication that the fic is mostly written and almost finished, but it won't be 27 chapters for real. How many ? No idea lol. Probably more around 20 judging by how it's going.

Also. This fic is only the beginning of Roy and Riza's journey, be it together or to rebuild Ishval. It will end with the (nice!) big event that was already foreshadowed, leaving a lot to do still. But if I find the strength to write yet another crazy long fic, there will be a second part (ok uh. Second part is already 20K long and has a rough outline. I don't write linearly lol).

This whole fic btw is also there for two reasons : 1) considering I am (have been for YEARS) writing an original novel with a blind main character I just HAD to try and write blind Roy, couldn't pass on that, and 2) I have an incredible enabler in the person of @qs63 who just pushes me, gives me lots of inspiration, and reads all I write and is just so supportive, and who is a great writer herself - we even wrote a whole fic together, and it was A BLAST. This fic wouldn't be there without her because I didn't want to just write yet another blind Roy fic and she persuaded me the idea was good. And now I think it's one of the best I've been working on (with the one we wrote together, lol).

Aaaanyway sorry this is a lot of rambling and thoughts and this was very long, but thank you so so much for asking about this fic. I just love to talk about it and read how people feel about it ❤️❤️❤️ thanks !

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

Frank, will you tell me a story about love and loss?

They say the first half of life is about love, and the second half is about loss. This is an old adage that makes no sense to me now, because I've never really experienced anything else besides love in my entire life. And yet it still applies: despite all the changes, there are certain things I will always miss dearly from the old days.

The way our bodies felt when we were young; the pure ecstasy at the idea of having a body that was mine to keep for as long as possible. The gleeful pleasure in seeing a stranger become familiar with you over time. The smell of your hair, or theirs. Tasting each other on the mouth like animals or gods or children. Eating food together, drinking wine together, making music together -- the whole spectrum of being human together. There were so many ways to be intimate, and so little space between "I am one person" and "we are one." It seemed natural then to think of ourselves as a single entity, the two halves of some greater organism whose nature neither of us could fully understand but which both knew by instinct.

When they left, I wasn't ready to let go of this illusion. When they left, it didn't feel real, not even afterward. But even if I had been prepared, it wouldn't have made any difference. They said goodbye to themselves, too.

There are others who came later, and who will come later. I don't know how many more times this process will repeat itself through its cycles before I die. Some part of me thinks it won't ever stop; another part is glad it has already stopped once.

But just like everything else, these thoughts are only meaningful within context. To someone who does not share them, what would be the point? What would be the use? Like most people, I try to hide myself beneath an outgoing facade; underneath lies something private and strange that must remain undisturbed. Whoever finds it can decide whether to accept it or leave it behind, and either option is fine with me.

[darxk]

scouting for new books [open]

guidelines

status: open

i'm very new to this whole tumblr thing but please bear with me

maybe message me for now for requests until i get a hang of this platform???

if you want to know how your request is coming along, please check the writing room

please detail whether you would like your request to turn into headcannons (like dot points), a long(ish) story (i'm still struggling with writing those, sorry) or a short story. if not, my imagination will run wild i'll pick my preferred option which would probably be short story.

specificness is extremely needed for these requests. i have a creative limit so some ideas or visual imagery would be greatly appreciated to go along with your request

also reader personalities will vary from story to story and a majority will be f! reader, maybe a few gn! readers and i'll try to write m! reader.

___________________________________________________________

things i will not write

nsfw - very uncomfortable with writing even make out scenes TvT

omegaverse - mpreg and "alpha/delta/omega" thongs makes me highly uncomfortable

anything inappropriate or problematic like pedophilia or anything racist, homophobic (unless it's like internalised angst to happy ending where reader is accepted), etc. the only times where it will be included in stories will to be applied to the antagonising characters that will receive a truck load of karma their way.

things i will write

fluff

angst

death fics

crossover

shipping fics

x readers (adult character = adult reader | child character = child reader | teen character = teen reader | etc.)

reader & character platonic/familial stories

(maybe) love tringle (depends on the request's specifics, i also am not sure if i can pull it off tbh)

chatfics (sometimes)

alternate universes - e.g highschool/college au, nobody dies au, everyone remembers au, celebrity/idol/musician au, specific profession au, etc.

things that will probably take time to convince me

yandere behaviour (fictionally, i don't hate it but i also want to stay away from romanticising)

possessiveness (if it's like over protective, maybe but like oppressive possessiveness is a little too much)

obsessiveness

making out/pda (idk not too comfortable) ___________________________________________________________

character/ship list is below, i might take on requests for others but the character/ships listed will be the ones i'm most open to writing about

for platonic/familial pairing with reader or ships, anything other than problematic to me like say... mori and yosano is ok. (context for non bsd fans: mori was (sorta-?) abuser and contributed to yosano's early trauma)

these stories will be free but very slow to update as i too am human with a personal life outside of the screen/cyberworld like school, friends and family. if you try to harass me over the updates and etc. i will drop your request and block you.

___________________________________________________________

characters available

alice in borderlands -> chishiya shuntaro, kuina hikari, arisu ryohei, niragi suguru_,

genshin impact -> xiao, kazuha, zhongli, raiden shogun, yelan, alhaitham, scaramouche, albedo, ningguang, dehya^

tears if themis -> vyn richter, marius von hagen

bungou stray dogs -> yosano akiko^, koyou ozaki^

jujutsu kaisen (i am a bit behind on the manga) -> gojo satarou, yuji itadori, maki zenin, megumi fushiguro, toge inumaki, nobara kugasaki

other -> kang sae-byeok (squid games), five hargreeves (umbrella academy), jinx (arcane)

* = these people will be quite shallow because i haven't deep dived into their characters or there won't be as many ideas/the motivation to write them

_ = only angst because i dislike this character

^ = only fluff because i can't bring myself to break their heart T-T

___________________________________________________________

ship fics available

alice in borderlands -> arisu x usagi, kuina x ann

genshin impact ->

beigguang (beidou x ningguang)

zhongchi (zhongli x childe)

alkaveh (kaveh x alhaitham; my fav)

eimiko (yae miko x raiden ei)

bungou stray dogs ->

soukoku (dazai osamu x chuuya nakahara)

shin soukoku (akutagawa ryuunosuke x atsushi nakajima)

fyolai (fyodor dostoevsky x nikolai gogol)

ranpoe (ranpo edogawa x edgar allen poe)

fukumori_ (fukuzawa yukichi x mori ougai)

odango (oda sakunoske x ango sakaguchi)

rimlaine (paul verlaine x arthur rimbaud)

kousano (yosano akiko x koyou ozaki)

other ->

kang sae-byeok x ji-yeong (squid games)

wenclair (wednesday addams x enid sinclair; wednesday addams (netflix: 2022)

hiccstrid (hiccup x astrid; how to train your dragon)

^ = only fluff because i can't bring myself to break their heart T-T

_ = only angst because mostly negative feelings about the ship

[riddlemaster101]

so i saw the tags on that post you just reblogged (about being super into fibre arts) and i… have a question, if wouldn’t mind answering? (feel free not to, ofc!)

so i am not that post - i learnt the chain stitch when i was eleven and my school had a crochet club. i’m not eleven anymore, but i’ve crocheted on and off over the years. but get this: i’ve never learnt another stitch since. i’m working on a blanket now, and… a couple months ago, i woke up in literal agony as i couldn’t move my hands at all. went to the doctor sobbing, they told me that i’d somehow managed to inflame a muscle in my elbow or smth, just because of how many hours i spent doing the same stitch over and over and over (i’m also a writer - from my phone - so like. lol. in hindsight, not the best idea…), so i’ve been kinda weary of working on the blanket for too long now—

so! what i was wondering was if a) there are any other relatively easy crochet stitches than an amateur could learn? (optionally ones that’d look nice with the chain stitch:D) and b)… how do you become that person, who knows a lot of different fibre arts and in somewhat depth? because i’d really love to do that but craft stores are so daunting, and whenever i look stuff about fibre arts, the person behind the yt video/website thinks that the reader has some sort of idea about said art and i….. do not lol, and i never know where to start.

Hey anon, great questions!

As someone who has gave herself tendinitis in both wrists from knitting too much in a week, you need to keep an eye on that injury. It took mine well over 10 months to heal and five years later I still get weakness and pains if I work them too much. So be careful with your wrists/elbows, take lots of breaks, do your physical therapy, do a bunch of warm-up stretches (or if you're like me and forget, pause every hour or so to do some). And most importantly: pay attention if anything feels like it's pulling or aching or numb or tingly. And if it does, you have to stop for the night, no acceptations, no "just one more row", you're done. Which sucks, but better than a permanent injury.

I started with knitting in college, mostly like what you're doing with crochet: same repetitive thing over and over until you're very confident with the stitch and tension on yarn, etc. For me, it really helps if you have a project you want to do that requires a new technique--I don't tend to do well with just practicing something for the sake of it, I want to make something fun! So my suggestion would be to look up a pattern (not a complicated one) that uses a new technique you want to learn and then just try it out. Worst that can happen is you rip it out and try again! This is how/why I picked up crochet after years of knitting: I wanted to make some cute little animals and it's a nightmare to knit those. But they're easy to crochet.

Also, consequently, switching fiber crafts can allow you to extend the amount of crafting you can do if your arm starts bugging you again. You just have to swap the type of motion and stress you're applying to your wrists. For months after injuring mine, I was only doing cross-stitch--the weight of the project was significantly less than, say, a blanket and moving a needle through fabric involved very different motions than knitting. I actually grew up doing embroidery, added knitting and later crochet in college and grad school, got into cross-stitch after that, and now I have a sewing machine and want to learn spinning and...oh no.

To actually answer your crochet question: I think it's pretty easy to go from a chain stitch to a single crochet stitch, and once you get that, doubles and triples are just how many more times you loop the yarn. I haven't done a whole lot of crochet--mostly making amigurumi--but these were easy enough stitches to learn and there are a whole bunch of very nice and slow youtube tutorials. Pick your fav yarn and hook size and try them out!

Hope this helps and have fun crafting!

[aonoexpat]

Landing

05-02-2023

I finally have time for a more elaborate update!

The moment I entered Brisbane airport and saw the terminal for my Air New Zealand flight indicated on the screens, I was getting giddy with anticipation. The vibe at the airport was vastly different from that at Incheon and CDG. I only had a 1:35 layover, but was quickly greeted by a lady with that lovely Ozzie accent letting me know there was absolutely no need to rush. My gate would be right up the stairs, and everything was all right. I thanked her and went to empty out my water bottle for the next luggage check. The air flowing in through open doors or windows was hot and humid, and it had that tropical smell to it that instantly brought me back to my backpacking trip around Australia seven years ago. It felt a little like coming home 🥰

Even on the plane, people seemed much more cheerful and welcoming than on the previous flights. Other passengers were singing along to the songs playing during boarding, the safety video was stunningly beautiful, and during the flight I found out they have a little app on the entertainment system called 'seat chat', which allows you to message other passengers. I took some chances and randomly invited a couple of seats to a chat, and one of them accepted! We had a really nice chat and shared some amazement about the gorgeous views from the plane as we made our approach to Aotearoa:

I'd been worried for about thirty hours that my luggage wouldn't successfully be transported all the way with me, but to my relief it was one of the first to roll in. After getting through customs and biosecurity (which luckily allowed me to keep all of my items), I was kindly picked up from the airport by my friend ♥️ She drove me into the city to say hi to her husband, and then we headed to their home, where I am lucky to be welcome to stay for a while. The whole drive I was gaping out the window, in awe of both the hot weather and the hills and ocean. She hit me with a lot of cool information about the area, and my heart was just about ready to leap out of my chest! First impression: absolutely wonderful ♥️

After getting a much needed shower, I went into town with her to grab a bite to eat, and after that we went for a walk along the beach in the sunset:

In the supermarket later that evening a stranger came up to me and said they liked my hair so naturally I'm already IN LOVE with this place ☺️

It's funny how, when you're planning a move like this, you can feel like you won't find your way in a new place at all. Especially if I haven't travelled for a while, that's the one thing I forget the most quickly. It feels like you'd panic, or won't find a place to sleep at night, or won't find a job to support yourself. But then when you get there, and (if you're as lucky as I am) you have some people helping you get settled in, it all works out so easily. All those walls and fears come crumbling down in a single conversation, and it feels magical. You find out you still have your wits about you, you still have your skills and your intelligence, and you can still ask questions, get answers, and make sensible decisions that work for you. All of that applies no matter where you are. And of course it's still scary, don't get me wrong. It's a vastly unfamiliar environment, everybody drives on the wrong side of the road, I am actually having some trouble properly parsing Kiwi English, and living costs are high. But I'm reminding myself regularly that I have a whole year to find my way around here!

So after getting a good night's sleep, today I've gotten a local phone number, done some groceries (sooo many nice vegan products here!!) been invited to a board game night, have found several jobs to choose from when I'm ready, have looked around for accommodation options, figured out the public transport situation, have looked up open mic night events, and have found several second hand guitars online that I'm interested in buying :)

Looking forward to the next 363 days!

[fandom-fic-prompts-and-shit]

Prompts #1 Alastor

WARNING

First two sections are not too upsetting, but the 3rd references non-con, self harm and more!

<3

❤️Wholesome Prompts

-Alastor learns about asexuality, but he finds modern labels distasteful and argues that such a thing doesn’t apply to him. Alastor grows to accept his asexuality (Though, whether or not he ever becomes comfortable using that modern label I don’t know- I don’t think he would but crazier things have happened!)

-Alastor with a trauma disorder that doesn’t involve Vietnam style war flashbacks for once maybe! His trauma could start causing dissociation which makes completing tasks difficult. Optional wholesome interactions with another character who encourages Alastor to seek support for his problems- though that’s a tall ask considering how prideful Al is. Many options here, one of them could be of c-ptsd, DID/OSDD or BPD.

- Ace date. Alastor has a date with another character, but it is strictly platonic. A wholesome opportunity to write him just having some fun.

❣️A little darker

-Age regression fic (this one is SFW what do ya think I am??) that maintains Alastor’s prideful nature. Perhaps regression in Alastor is less obvious than suddenly talking and acting like a full on child. Instead, he may opt to be alone when regressing with only the company of stuffed friends- in a secluded space where he’s not immediately worried about being attacked or barged in on. He might opt to avoid talking as much as possible when regressed even if he’s alone as hearing himself sound so “pitiful” probably doesn’t help his ego (he’s a proud motherfucker like damn bitch chill your ego is hue). When approached in a regressed state, he could try to avoid conversation as much as possible while doing his best to act “normal”.

Optional: Another character slowly and carefully encourages Al to express his regressed self more freely in a safe environment away from others (with only said character present as a caregiver.)

-Everyone thinks Alastor is sexy, how does he really feel about it? Is he flattered so long as they don’t flirt with him? Or perhaps the mere idea of people potentially seeing him as an object of desire disgusts or upsets him. Lots to explore here!

-Sex pollen/potion with a twist: When doused with some kind of potion or substance that usually causes intense sexual urges, Alastor just gets extremely cuddly and craves physical affection like petting or anything else of that nature.

Bonus points if even under the potion he’s hesitant to request this affection and finally has to blurt it out and embarrass himself a bit when the urge gets too intense and painful. (I’m so normal about Alastor, can you tell?)

💔Trigger Warning worthy:

-Losing a bet to one of the Vees. I might write this one, but if you like it you can use it to! Here was the little idea I had:

Al loses a bet to one of the Vees, perhaps in relation to angel dust I’ve seen a few fics where Alastor is the one to try and change Angel’s contract or free him so this could work or something else! I don’t feel like Al would be willing to offer his own soul, and since he’s on a “leash” I doubt he can, so I would have the conditions of his loss be that he serves (whichever of the Vees is chosen) for a finite period of time like a week/month.

-Sex Potion, still aware and able to verbally fight; but succumbs physically. (I like to hurt him a little too much ha.)

-Self harm but less from a “listens to my chemical romance, razor in hand” (sorry;-;) and more “Anxiety/panic = scratching, digging into his skin with his claws, hair pulling” etc.

-Horror birth. A classic. Parasitic being+ victim +parasitic baby birth.

-Forced feminization. This isn’t a whole prompt but it you added this to any of the above fics it could be fun.

-Consent to non-consent. Starts off consensual, Alastor attempts to nope out when he realizes how disgusting it all feels but for whatever reason this attempt is not respected and Al can’t do anything about it.

-Forced transformation into an angel and ensuing body horror. If my fellow trans-venters so desire, maybe angel Al for whatever reason is more fem than he was as a demon, but that’s fully optional. There are plenty of ways for cis angel Alastor to be horrified!

[writteninthesewalls28]

Too dumb, to know things like love

A/n: So, this is my new story. It is so important to me, I am actually not quite sure if posting it is the right thing to do. Maybe I'm going to delete it again. Maybe not. Anyways, the summary was posted on this blog again, be sure to check that out too. This is the first chapter.

Warnings: none

Tagging @surrowndedbylights bc she said, she’d be interested in reading this!

The start of something new.

Do you also have these days, where you feel so nostalgic? For me, that day is definitely today. This is probably the most important and most memorable day for me. Well, at least when I end up in the "corps de ballet" after my years at the "Opéra National de Paris". If not, I will most likely remember this day, where everything started to go wrong.

But let´s just hope for the first option, shall we?

I totally forgot to introduce myself. But- is there much to tell anyways?

I am Athena, but everyone calls me Thena or Thea. You might wonder, why my parents chose such a hilarious name for her daughter, well they always loved unique things, since they called my siblings Percy (my annoyingly perfect older brother) and Iris (my cute, little younger sister, the most precious member of the family if you ask my granny). I am 16 years old and currently hectically running to my metro so I can get to my first day at the new school on time, which admittedly would be a new record, I never made it on time to any important dates.

I catch the metro and just in the right moment gripped onto the pole in front of me before the metro took off.

Like I already said, I am one of the new student at the dance school of Paris. Younger me would definitely be very impressed by what I achieved already. As little as I was, my mom made me take ballet classes because that´s what she did when she had been a teenager. It had always been my biggest dream to move to Paris one day and perform at the Opéra National de Paris, of course because I wanted to be a ballet star, but also because my mom told me so much about her life in the French metropole before meeting my dad who had been a tourist there and moving to Boston with him.

She showed me pictures of the city of love as little as I was and I immediately loved it as much as my mom did. So, partly, I am here because of her. I would have never had the courage to go and really apply for this school, even though I am the last person to be scared of anything. But- this was such a big step. Leaving Iris, Percy and our cat Tony behind, I never knew if I could really do it, but here I am.

I was smiling to myself, this would totally be a new kind of challenge, but I wasn´t afraid to accept, I knew I´d succeed and make my mom and sister proud. Iris is my biggest supporter, the best fan you could imagine, she is learning ballet and looks up to me, which just makes me feel even more empowered to do this.

The electronic woman´s voice echoed through the whole train and said: "Villiers". The excitement I felt in my stomach was growing stronger and stronger, only two more stations and then I´d see the Opéra for the first time. What an epic moment.

The metro had a really good ability to somehow crush all your positive emotions though. The smell, the darkness, all the people so close around you… not the most aesthetic place to be, especially when you are supposed to feel as happy and optimistic as me. The strange feeling of being practically thrown into these sharp bends is really killing me and my poor organs.

And then this road (can you even call them roads, they´re underground?!) bends THAt sharply that my body can´t take it.

I fall onto the guy standing next to me.

A very attractive guy as well, why is it always in front of the attractive ones when something embarrassing happens to me?

He had the most blue eyes I´ve EVER seen in the entire world, and I´ve seen quite many. His curly, black hair was completely devastated after I crushed into him, I felt so sorry. Not for him of course, for his beautiful hair. People who look so perfect and seem to have absolutely no reaction when someone falls on top of them, they kind of deserve to be ran over, right?

So, maybe that had to happen, maybe I was the CHOSEN person to ruin this boy´s hair to remind him that there are sadly too many people on this planet not as good looking as him.

Anyways, before I could even say "Sorry" or "Pardon" or whatever, the doors opened, I read "Europe" on the wall outside of the train and next thing I know, he stepped out of the doors and exited the train.

Asshole, not even waiting for an apology from the clumsy girl on the train.

The sight at the Opéra as soon as I stepped out of the underground station made me forget VERY quickly about the guy in the train. I focused on the fact that this thing, right in front of me, will be my future. My only hope for a happy future, too.

The Opéra was even more beautiful than it looked like on photos and in the internet. I quickly grabbed my phone out of my back pocket of my jeans and glanced at my lockscreen, showing me and Iris dancing next to each other in the middle of the busy streets in Boston, before I finally opening the camera app and taking a photo of the outstanding building in front of me. I`D be a dancer at the most famous dancing school EVER. I cannot believe it.

But if I didn´t speed up a little bit and make my way inside, I´d not be on time, so I started running to the hidden entrance on the left side of the building.

The inside was even more breath taking than the facade from the streets. Everywhere, I only saw gold decorations. On the walls, the stairs, the roof. I wondered why they didn´t call this place "The Golden Palace", because that´s what it really is.

I took a look around, trying to find a rather large group of teenagers any age, but couldn´t find anybody.

"Dear, are you searching for anybody?" A woman suddenly asked me, I didn´t even see her coming up to me.

"Well, yeah… I am looking for the new students of the Ballet school, we were supposed to meet here…" I said, not really knowing if she could even help me. She looked slightly older and I didn´t really think she was one of the staff members here. But she seemed nice, so why not ask her? I loved talking to others!

"Oh! So you´re the student they´re all waiting for! Come on, I can bring you to them!" She offered me and I gladly accepted her grateful offer. This place was a little too confusing for a girl like me.

Soon we arrived in the main entrance, the famous staircase everybody knows. "There they are!" the woman said and waited till I stood next to them before disappearing as if she´d never even been there.

"Ah, you must be Athena Williams, is that right?" The headmistress asked me as soon as I stood in front of the large group of students.

Why did I immediately knew, she´s the headmistress? Because the most famous French ballerina Ms. Rodriguez and now most successful ballet teacher had the most scary blue eyes ever. Paired with the raven-black hair and pale skin, you could actually think a vampire stood right in front of you. But I saw enough pictures of my future headmistress previously, so I just knew it was her who was talking to me in a very harsh tone.

And that, even though I arrived right on time! I hated people who said: "be on time" and then expect me to be there 20 minutes earlier, that´s just not fair.

"Yes, that´s right. Excuse me for the tardiness." I said, trying to give her a soft smile, but she just stared at me. And I´d rather vanish, god, she´s scary.

"At least we can start now." The teacher said, looking through to the whole group. "Anyone´s got any questions before we go to the school?" None of us said anything, I guess everyone was too stunned by the way she just stared at me. Scary woman, honestly. Maybe she should reconsider her clothing choice, black is not the best thing to wear when you have black hair.

On our way to the school, I looked around and saw a lot of different people next to me. Younger kids, older teens, girls, boys, kids where you´re not exactly sure what their gender is, friendly people, people with an angry look on their face.

And I started to wonder who will be my roommate. All of the students who are going to live in the boarding school because they don´t have any family living near Paris on in Paris, live in little rooms, similar to the rooms you see when you have a field trip with your class in a normal school, but with the difference that we have to live her for a whole year.

So if you don´t get along with you roommate, you really do have a problem. I just hoped my roommates are going to be very extroverted people and who like talking, because as out going as I am, I absolutely hate small talk with people who don´t want to talk. It just gets more and more awkward with every question that you ask.

Our large group was now already walking for about 20 minutes and you could slowly see how more students got upset about the long walk with every meter they made. I liked it though. Paris was just the most beautiful place to walk around. And I maybe also was so chilled because I was too excited to finally meet my roommate. Will it be a new student as well? How many people will be in the room? Will the room be big? Hopefully, I had a big problem with tiny rooms.

Suddenly Ms. Rodriguez walking in front of us stopped in front of the door of a large building. "École de la danse" was written on the sign above the door. "Okay, I´m now going to tell everyone to which room they have to go and if you´re not a boarding school student, you´re just going to wait here with me. I expect everyone back here at 6 pm in the grand hall for a dinner." She said and just started taking out a piece of paper.

Then she called out names, followed by a room number.

And I waited.

And waited.

And finally: Bradley, Athena an Williams, Adeline, Room 006" She said, and I looked around to see the other students who was just mentioned. But since I saw absolutely no one who looked up or anything, I walked up to the teacher and she handed me the key for the room. Still no one behind me, strange. Maybe Adeline was ill today and couldn´t attend.

I walked past the vampire-headmistress and made my way to the girl dorms. The corridors were all decorated very friendly and colorful, in soft summer colors, such as light green, yellow and pink. I really loved the atmosphere and felt immediately very comfortable here. That was a good start to my new life (apart from my tardiness-without-being-to-late, it REALLY was)

Only looking at my beautiful surroundings, I nearly missed my new dorm room. I stood in front of the 006 room and the door said: Luna Cordin, great, now I have two roommates, hopefully they weren´t complete idiots.

And… I opened the door just to see a very small girl sitting on one of the three beds in the room. She looked very shy (but maybe that was because of the huge glasses in her face) and had long, soft, red hair which really suited her rather pale skin perfectly. But she didn´t look like one of the mean and over-ambitious ballet girls. She looked- normal. Well, define normal, but she did not wear too much Make-Up and the fact that the 5th Harry Potter book laid in her hands proved my point. I think I got very lucky with my first room mate.

"Hey, guess I´m your new roommate. I´m Athena, but everybody calls me Thena, what´s your name?" I just ignored the fact that I already read her name on the door because how else should I possibly start a conversation with her? She didn´t look like she loved socializing.

The girl gave me a judging look and said in a really bored voice: "Stands on the door."

Wow, I´m gonna take it back. I didn´t get THAT lucky with my roommate.

But maybe first impressions weren´t quite her thing… who knows.

"Can I choose a bed or did anyone already arrive?" I asked, not really expecting an answer.

"No, all of them are free, just take one." Luna said. Maybe she wasn´t too bad after all, at least she just gave me a completely normal response to a completely normal question.

I made my way to the bed opposite of her, in between the two beds was just the narrow corridor of our room which lead to the large wardrobe. I took a look around and saw a few famous photos of paintings from even more famous artists on the wall and figured Luna must like painting.

"You like Van Gogh?" I asked, not knowing much about him myself, but studies say that it´s a good thing to ask a shy person about things they like because they love telling people about it.

Luna, however, already continued reading as soon as I sat down on the bed. "Yeah, I think he has an interesting way to paint. I really like it." Wow, she CAN talk.

We continued talking about some of the drawings in the room before introducing ourselves.

"I´m from London and now am at this school for about 3-4 years. It´s really cool everybody is nice, especially the teachers. Some students might me a little strange, but that´s the same in every ballet school. And anyways, most people are really cool. I bet you´ll like Atlas a lot. He´s so funny.

I explained a bit about my hometown and talked about my family, especially Iris. "Here, that´s me and her back in Boston" I showed her my phone lockscreen.

"Awww, she looks so cute. I wish I had a little sister. My older sister, Beth, she´s very confident. Iris looks at you as if you´re the best person on the planet. You must be so happy to have her." Yeah, I really was, and that really made me miss her and Percy even more. The two people who I´ll probably always miss most. Hopefully mom was right and it´ll get better with time.

"I think we probably should go to the dinner, I don´t want to be late. Ms. Rodriguez hates that." Luna said and I sighed rather loud.

"Then she definitely hates me to death now." Luna chuckled and looked at me with an amused look on her face. She had a very adorable laugh.

"Don´t worry. She hates everyone." I started to really like this girl. She for sure wasn´t too bad.

"And.. That´s June. She´s here since she was 13, oh and next to her, that´s her boyfriend Jamie. They´re really nice. But, you know. Couples. Slightly annoying." Me and Luna got to the big dining hall, or at least the dining hall for the dinner tonight with all the students, normally it probably was a cafeteria with lots of little tables for the students.

Luna started pointing at all the students who will be in our classes and who are older, who to fear and who´s really nice. A silent observer is a really good person to be close with because she simply knows EVERYTHING about everyone.

I now knew that there´s a girl who is maybe bisexual, but maybe isn´t and that someone is always talking about his long-distance girlfriend but everyone is wondering if that girl really exists because no one ever saw her.

But apparently, Luna was still waiting for her best friend, a boy named Atlas. They arrived in the same year at this school and immediately got best friends. "You´ll like him, he´s so cool." she told me when I asked what he was like. For me, that more sounds like someone who is an absolute asshole that nobody likes, but everyone has to because otherwise he´s going to start some terrifying rumors.

But maybe I think that just because I went to a high school in Boston City and the kids are a little weird there, including me and my siblings.

My gaze wandered around the big hall. The large tables in the middle of the room with the gorgeous plates and even more beautiful decoration in gold and rosé really stood out and made it hard to focus on anything else than this beauty. But behind one of the chairs, I noticed a guy with an annoyed look on his face, not talking to anyone, in contrast to everybody else.

Everyone stood together in either large or little groups, explaining things or showing a new students around, but he just stood there, not interested in anything, only staring at the floor.

"Luna, who´s that boy over there?" I asked her. There was a huge chance that she didn´t know him because he´s a new students, but why not ask?

"Oh, please never talk to him. Ever. That´s Timothée, everyone calls him Timmy though. With his blonde hair and the bad attitude, I am convinced Malfoy would be an even better nickname. He IS Draco Malfoy. I feel so sorry for Atlas that he has to share a room with him every single day of the week. And I really feel sorry for all of us that he is in our class every single day of the week, it´s truly a shame."

Wow.

No, I won´t talk to him. But I did feel a bit sorry for him, he must feel very lonely if everybody hates him.

"Atlas! Come on, I´m going to introduce you to him!" Luna now said next to me and I had to stop looking at the loner in the black clothes and follow Luna, who was walking towards a tall guy with black hair, I couldn´t see how his face looked though because Luna was in front of me.

When they stopped and he leaned in to hug her, I felt like my heart stopped beating for a second.

He had blue eyes, THE blue eyes.

I would´ve probably recognized these special eyes everywhere, but I definitely didn´t expect them here, at this school, as the best friend of my first friend in a different country.

It was the asshole from the metro who didn´t even bother to wait for my excuse. How could he now seem so nice and soft though? Was that just because Luna was in front of him, or had I been the problem?

Well, falling onto someone because the metro is stopping isn´t really the best start to have… but maybe we could fix it?

"May I introduce you to my new roommate Thena?" Luna said and moved to the side so I stood directly in front of him, looking at him and noticed his hair wasn´t ruined anymore.

These eyes, they were too pretty.

"We already met." he said, smiling at me. "In the metro, not the best encounter I had with someone, I have to say." OH, how lovely. He hates me. Just because I ruined his goddamn hair?!

"Got your hair and your ego fixed again?" I asked in return, maybe sounding a bit too harsh than I actually wanted to. But he just continued smiling and looked back at Luna. I didn´t even notice I held my breath while he was talking to me, that normally only happens to me when I´m dancing, strange.

"And these are my new roommates. Luna, Aylan and Milan. Aylan and Milan, my best friend Luna." He introduced them to each other.

The two boys were the most identical twins I`ve ever seen. They both had the same brown hair and freckles. The only difference were the dimples the right one, Milan, had.

"They are Anny´s brothers." Atlas added.

While Atlas and Luna had an ongoing conversation about their summers, while Atlas talked way more than her, I tried doing small talk with the twins. God, I really was terrible at it.

"So, your names sound really Italian, are you from there?" I asked, only knowing a few things about the European country.

Both of them nodded and Aylan said: "Yeah, we grew up there, our mom is from Italy, our dad is from Germany though." Aylan was the talker, I immediately noticed. Milan seemed rather shy compared to his brother, but the grin said it all: both were definitely up to some banter. And I really liked that, every single class needs at least one student like that, having two of them, makes it even more fun, right?

Sooner or later the principal came and we all had to sit down on our chairs and listen to her speech. "I love to see so many new faces at this school, it reminds me that there´s so much good and new stuff coming up. Here´s to a good year and a good start of classes on Wednesday!" She said and everybody started applauding.

Later, during the big dinner, where I sat between Luna and a girl named Taylor, Luna asked me: "So, what´s going on between you and Atlas, I don´t like the way you were talking to him earlier." Oh, god. Please don´t tell me she´s secretly in love with the asshole, but doesn´t want to admit it, so she´s just fighting everyone who disrespects him. I always hated these type of girls, I met tons of them back in Boston in High School.

"Well, we met in the train because I fell on top of him and ruined his PERFECT hair." I responded with a bitter tone in my voice, I still couldn´t believe someone could be such a- well so mean to me just because I did something embarrassing. "And now he hates me I guess."

"No, Atlas hates no one, not even Timmy. And to be honest, maybe you are the person who´s acting up a little here." Yeah, she was in love with him, great. Now I had to mess with this instead of focusing on school and getting good roles in a play.

"I´m not, he didn´t even waited for my excuse-" I sighed, this was completely useless anyways. I was new, they were friends for so long now, she´d just defend him for ages. "You know what, forget it. I don´t have to be friends with him." I said towards Luna and turned away from her to start small talk (yay, my favorite activity!) with the girl next to me who seemed very lonely, so why not cheer her up a little?

Directly after the dinner ended, I practically ran back to our room, just to scare the shit out of the girl who stood in it when I busted through the wooden door.

That must be Adeline Williams, hopefully a lot nicer roommate than my I-fell-in-love-with-my-best-friend roommate I already met and am definitely not friends with anymore, against our actually pretty good start.

"What are you doing?!" Was the first thing she (hysterically) said to me after picking up her luggage that fell out of her hand because I scared her so bad.

"sorry, just not the best first day…" I explained, wanting to say more and introduce myself, but she cut me off.

"Well, then just do something different than running into random rooms. This is a ballet school, not a school for professional boxers!" The new girl said to me and I couldn´t do anything else but stand there completely speechless.

Why was I surrounded by complete idiots?

And in the exactly right moment, Luna steps into our shared room and says: "Everything okay Thena?" before seeing the new girl and look at her confused. "And you are?"

"I´m Adeline, call me Addy. But only if you know how to open doors without scaring the shit out of people."

So she basically just told me to call her Adeline because I busted into MY new room? Man, I wanted to go home and hug Iris and Percy. Right now.

Considering my first encounter with Addy was last night, you can probably imagine how my first night in the boarding school was.

Thank god, the morning was a lot better, especially because I managed to get ready and leave the room before my two roommates.

While enjoying the literally very delicious breakfast (I LOVE pancakes) I texted my sister Iris who was about to go bed, being 6 hours behind me.

Thena: Heyy little sis, how was your first day of school 👯‍♀️?

She directly read my text and responded. Oh how good it felt to know she’s still there for me and I could still talk to her whenever I want (just ignoring that there were 8 hours and so many kilometers between us).

Iris: Good… school I guess. The kids are being weird since our local paper wrote about your new school. Speaking of you, how’s my super cool professional ballerina sister?

Yesterday had been my sister’s first day of school. She was very good in school and loved English and Science, but would rather spend her time in the ballet studio, trying to dance one of the fairies of sleeping beauty, her favorite ballet. Most of the kids there don´t comprehend why she loves ballet so much and why she spends so much time with a "silly" hobby. For me, it had been the same, but at the point where you transfer to Paris to become a professional dancer, everyone tells you how much they look up to you and how proud they are to know you.

It´s just the way things are.

Thena: Don´t mind them, they´re idiots. Paris is so beautiful, I wish you´d be here with me.

Iris: Is everyone nice to you? Met any cool people?

That´s the thing with having a very clever sister, she knows why I´m only talking about the city and not about the people. But bad for her that she had such a stubborn big sis who never talks about her emotions with her, trying to protect her.

Thena: Yeah, everyone is super cool here. It´s so different here though, so happy I learned a little bit of French ;)

I knew she most likely won´t accept that as an answer, but just hoped she won´t ask any further questions about my for now really embarrassingly poor social live, no matter how extroverted I actually am.

Iris: Have to go to bed now or mom´s literally going to murder me… have a good day and please send me lots of photos from your free day!

I smiled reading her message, send her lots of kisses and wished her a good night before putting my phone away and finish eating my breakfast. Because school only starts on Wednesday, we were allowed to go out shopping or exploring the city today.

Which, translated to me, meant, I have to go and buy maaaany new leotards for when I´m gonna be in the ballet studios outside of school times.

But before I could finish that thought, the blonde girl, named Taylor that I talked to at the dinner yesterday sat next to me. "Hey! How was your first night?" She asked.

I was just so happy that someone finally tried doing small talk that I nearly forgot answering her question. "It was okay… have to get used to the time zone and my roommates, but it definitely wasn´t too bad. How was yours?" I asked after answering. I loved sharing information about me, knowing that some people don´t like it as much, but she seemed really okay with it.

"Yeah, same honestly. I´m from Australia. I just really want to sleep and stand up in the middle of the night." She said, laughing.

Our conversation went on for a while before we decided we could go and explore the famous and gorgeous "City of Love" together.

"Let´s meet here again at 10?" She asked while standing up and taking her dirty dishes with her.

I nodded. I at least had someone rather nice to talk to and spend time with. Sad that she wasn´t my roommate after all.

The second I walked back into my shared room I took a deep breath, hoping it would be empty and I could spend some peaceful time alone, maybe chatting with my older brother Percy.

But sadly, I found Luna sitting on her bed in the exact same position as yesterday when I first met her, doing the exact same thing: reading the exact same book: Harry Potter

I awkwardly entered and closed the door behind me. "Good Morning." I tried sounding as nice as possible and she shyly looked up from her book as I made my way to my luggage to take out some clothing, appropriate for a day in the city.

"Morning. And, any plans for today?" Luna surprisingly said. Was she trying to do small talk with me?

I of course answered her, using the opportunity she gave me. "Yeah, me and some girl want to go to the city together and maybe go shopping." I didn´t try to sound too nice, making sure she still knows I´m mad at her for the comment yesterday. "Where Adeline?" I added, not really knowing what else to say to keep this conversation going.

"She said, she´s going to go to the ballet studios, because, I quote: ´I cannot not train, I can´t believe school only starts tomorrow. " I laughed for the first time today and it felt really relieving actually. Maybe this place wasn´t too bad as I thought after yesterday.

"She is a little weird isn´t she?" I asked Luna, getting a huge nod as a response.

"Hey, how about we forget about yesterday and start all over again? I really didn´t mean that comment yesterday… Atlas CAN be a little cold sometimes."

Wow. I expected everything. But not that, definitely not.

"Hold on." I said, going back to the door and playing like I just entered. "Hey, guess we are roommates now. I´m Thena, what´s your name?" I said, taking her words ´start all over again´ very seriously.

She laughed uncontrollably, I didn´t think she had such a pretty laugh. "I´m Luna. Nice to have you here Thena." She then answered, finally catching her breath again. "No, but seriously. I regret these words from the dinner yesterday. I´m just very protective over him, we know each other for so long already."

Yeah, that was the clarification, she was deeply in love with him. But I wouldn´t tell her, we don´t know each other for that long and I was still a little mad about her comment. Even after her second apology.

"Apology accepted." I said, giving her a soft smile and finally continuing my search for appropriate ´going-out-shopping´ clothes in my suitcase.

"Thank you." She stood up from her bed and walked towards her part of the wardrobe. She opened it and grabbed something out of it before handing it to me. "When I found out I´d get two roommates this year, I already bought a book for each of you as a welcome present. Hope you like it."

She bought a book, just for me?

She may be introverted and super protective, but maybe she doesn´t WANT to be like that.

"Thank you so much. That means so much to me." I looked at the beautiful cover of the book. It was light brown with two people holding hands on it. The title said: "What if… I fall in love with you".

"It´s one of my favorite rom-coms. Two very young authors, best friends, wrote it together when they were just 15." Luna said, which really fascinated me. They were as old as us right now when they wrote their first book together? That´s truly incredible.

"By the way, why don´t you ask that girl if you two want to come with Atlas, the twin and me to our favorite coffee shop in town?"

I´ll take that as a peace offering from her side. Even though meeting Atlas again and listening to his dumb comments about me wasn´t the nicest thought I had, I still agreed, just to grow closer with Luna. She´ll still be my roommate for the next 2-3 years. It´s nice to have a good relationship with her.

Suddenly, I heard my phone ringing and saw that my brother was calling me. We were finally nearly in the same time zone, him studying in London, me here in Paris. "Sorry, that´s my brother, I have to answer that." She nodded and sat down on her bed again.

"Hey big bro!" I said when taking the call, immediately hearing Percy soft laugh through the phone and felt like I was home again.

"Hey big little sis. How´s life in the elite ballet school? Heard the tiny little Boston local paper wrote about it. You´re famous now." He always made jokes like that, that´s just his way of showing his love to me.

"It´s.. Okay. Already met some pretty cool people here." For him, it was even more important to know I was okay. I think, he´d actually beat people up if he knew someone hurt one of his sisters. I learned not to worry him too much. "And you? Any big parties at the beautiful Oxford?" Okay, I take it back. Making jokes like that, were OUR way of showing love.

"No, no big parties coming. Have to focus on studying again." My big bro was the kid my parents are most likely the most proud of. He was studying Journalism in Europe and was the best of his year. He´s the perfect kid. Which actually makes it easier for me and Iris because my parents don´t expect that much from the both of us anymore. They already have their perfect son.

"Good luck with that, while I have a free day and can enjoy the beautiful city of love!" I said to him and got a laugh back. I loved when we were messing around like that.

"Have fun and send me photos!"

And then we hung up.

"Your brother seems fun to be around." Luna said after I put my phone down again.

"Yeah, Percy´s really cool." I grinned, he really was. Sometimes a little annoying cause he´s so perfect, but really cool.

 

[the-kipsabian]

im just gonna complain idk

but like. i applied for payment helps last week. i got a message back today that apparently between receiving my application and working on it to make decisions, some law changes happened and now they are enforcing the preset cost of living limit harder than before when applying for these things before they make decisions on whether or not you qualify for this kind of help or not

this thing is already incredibly difficult to apply for properly and to get in sums that actually help much of anything. previously if your living costs were above the limit, they just shrugged it off depending on the sum and just deducted that from the amount they paid to you. this has never been an issue for me before, ive been applying for this every few months while being unemployed for years

with this new change, however. my living costs are 27.65 euros above the limit. twenty. fucking. seven. and they are making an issue out of that. and by making an issue out of it, it not only delays them making decisions on my application (and me getting money which at this point and around this time of year is not only fucking irritating but also affects like everything else going on rn), but with the new law it apparently comes with a requirement for me to either offer reasoning why im living in an apartment "above my affordable living costs" OR they are gonna cut my benefits and force me to look for a cheaper apartment for a few months until i can prove its impossible (this is literally one of the cheapest one bedroom apartments in this entire city. what in the fuck. we looked around with friends this morning when i broke the news and the only places that are under the 498€ cost limit this city has for some fucking reason are in places that no unemployed carless person - that i am - will be able to live in. but nooooo i have to keep looking)

im just. this whole thing makes no sense. its so fucking stressful. they keep the preset limit the same throughout the years but dont count in the fact that not only are small, cheap apartments more and more difficult to find every fucking year, but that the actual cost of living and rent and shit keeps going up all the time. im literally only applying for this payment help cause im out of everything else. the rent is not the fucking issue here, its literally everything else. me having to suddenly try to find a new apartment and move (which, ofc, they wouldnt help me with at all. cause obviously) is not going to fucking help, cause all they are gonna do with that is cut my pre-existing rent help to match that rent price and im still out of fucking money

im stressed out, im exhausted, i woke up to this fucking mess after barely sleeping for a few hours, im in both mental and physical pain rn and im just. im so ready to give up if they dont accept my explanation on how i need this place and these payments in full cause theres literally no other feasible options in this city for me without it making me physically and socially separated from everything and everyone which will be disastrous for my mental and physical wellbeing. im so fucking tired

merry christmas to me or whatever i have never wanted to kill myself more than i do right now sorry

[jenny-dreadful]

if i can ask a personal question how do you know if you’re bi-aspec (or aspec in general)? i keep spiraling about what if im just a lesbian and thats why i havent had sex or maybe im too introverted. im in my late 20’s so i feel like if i honestly wanted to i would have by now but i almost feel like i HAVE to just be repressed instead and stuff like the lesbian masterdoc has made it way worse :/ i always hear people say like oh go with your gut but thats not good advice for a nervous person and idek if i know what attraction feels like period, is it nervousness? intrusive thoughts? aesthetics? ugh!

lots of pieces to this question! i’m gonna do my best to handle u. pardon the text wall

FIRST: How do I (“how does one”?) know I’m aspec? I can only speak for my own experience, but for me the important pieces were 1) Finding out “some people just don’t experience sexual attraction” was even an option and 2) Realizing/being told that when other people make reference to, like, wanting to fuck a hot stranger, they do actually mean it and it’s not just a crass, jokey exaggeration.

People are cute as hell! I really enjoy checking cute people out! But I’ve never once scoped a hottie and thought/felt “OOOH I’d like my business to get up in their business, physically-speaking,” you know? It’s crazy to me that anyone would. It’s crazy to me to know that most people have not only actually had, like, actual irl physiological responses just to the presence of an appealing person, but that that’s, like, a pretty normal part of life for most people. Like, HUH? Y’all cannot be actually getting blushy n wet n shit…y’all cannot have ACTUALLY needed to hide boners through your whole teens*…please say sike…

It’s not that I’m seeing hot people and going through, like, a thought process of deciding it’d be unsafe or immoral to fuck em and therefore ultimately I don’t want to, or that they’re out of my league, or that I’ve decided I’m uninterested in casual sex in a social sense (although things like that may also apply)—it’s really just. N/A. These concepts just aren’t linked for me.**

So my thought is: To answer “Why haven’t I had sex? Am I ace or am I just introverted?” try assessing: Are you actually, actively attracted to people, but not pursuing that attraction due to shyness? Or maybe: Do you assume on some level that palpable attraction/arousal is something that kicks in Later, If You’re Getting Into It With Somebody, and you’ve just personally failed to get far enough to unlock those feelings? Because that one’s not it, actually—people who aren’t ace Feel Attraction whether they’ve done anything about it or not

As far as the other points of confusion you’ve mentioned, I really can’t nail them down for you, but what I CAN say is that I personally find the questions of “Am I just repressed?” and “Maybe I’m a lesbian and scared to accept it?” to be supremely unhelpful. In this context, they both hinge completely on the idea of ‘Someone suggested I might be lying to myself because I’m not ready to accept [x], and it’s impossible to definitively refute bc the phenomenon described is one where, literally by definition, I would not know I was doing that.’ Genuinely, I think you gotta consciously set those questions aside—you can return to them whenever, if you want, when you have a better handle on your central question.

*Not ENTIRELY literal and black-and-white like this for all aces. Personally I’ve also always been v low-libido, so the “Is this attraction or am I just free-floating nonspecifically horny?” was pretty fuckin easy for me to answer. It might take a little more work for you though, I don’t know your life story

**(This is where we get a little more personal, so be cool, but: When I’m using more specific labels [“bi aspec” usually covers me just fine], I’m demisexual, which for me is like. It’s not that I’m “sexually attracted” to anybody so much as it is that beyond a certain point/type of personal closeness, romanticism etc., sex starts to seem appealingly cozy, I guess? When that applies, I’m still not getting Super Hype about it in the way allos do. I’m not feeling particularly Urged to do anything. I’m still not proactively physically responsive. Just kind of opens it up as an option wrt things that sound kinda nice). I mention this only because, I dunno, if you’re questioning, it’s important to acknowledge that asexuality has a lot of different shapes to it—for very few people is it a total absolute in every dimension.

So ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I don’t know if anything in there is helpful to you, but I hope so, and good luck ✨