#*personality is what it is as a result of being transsexual

[vulpinesaint]

my problematic gender truth is that i actually feel no attachment to either of the two binary gender constructs. it just like. makes no sense to me. i've got my own unrelated thing going on. but in the absence of connection to either choice i really do find it more convenient to cosplay closer to the one that people treat like a human being

[milliebobbyflay]

paired with their often intimate and violent subject matter, i find the incidental way tamsyn muir frames women and their bodies throughout the locked tomb series to be refreshing bordering on radical

consider harrowhark; in the first book we see her as gideon sees her. she's a hideous ghoul with a flat ass and no tits, she's a delicate sopping wet beauty with a sharp face and angel bow lips, she's a triumphant and awe inspiring master necromancer screaming and fighting drenched in her own blood. the shape and condition of her body is allowed to take on meaning contextually based entirely on the situation and how gideon feels about their relationship in any given moment

she then spends the second book hobbling around with a sword twice her size, ripping apart her body to use as a weapon and passing out in her own vomit, struggling to eat and sleep – she and puts herself through absolute hell and never once thinks anything of it, and we're made to mourn this not as the desecration of a beautiful woman but as a manifestation of a human being's despair and self loathing, and we see this specifically contrasted against the care gideon tries to take when inhabiting her body during the last act

it's jarring, in nona, when we're suddenly made aware that her body could be perceived or valued as a commodity, when pyrrha is assumed to be nona's pimp. it feels strange and horrifying when we learn alecto's form was modeled for a doll, learn that she was given a woman's body as a display of ownership, an alternative to being consumed, and as we're processing this we watch gideon, paul, and ianthe, immediately setting aside their conflict in a desperate scramble to preserve harrow's body for no reason other than because it is harrow's and they love her

feminist fiction often focuses on women's relationship to a body which is valued more than the person within it – and that is a worthy experience to explore – but as a transsexual butch(ish) dyke, i have never really had the privilege of seeing my body as a precious commodity, never felt like it couldn't or shouldn't be a sight of violence and disgust, and as a result the locked tomb books have made me feel seen in a way that few other works of fiction have?

we as an audience are not made aware of how attractive any character would be outside of the context of our lesbian POV characters' perspectives, their relationship to patriarchal beauty standards is an utterly irrelevant detail we're never told and only occasionally glimpse through implication. the women in the locked tomb books are simply free to exist, to have experiences and feelings, to love and hate and grieve and suffer and die like anybody else, and to have those experiences reflected in their physical vessels

it's a perspective that's so fundamental and obvious that to praise muir for it for it feels almost patronizing, but i also think it's a huge part of what's made the series so resonant for so many queer women and i feel that that's worthy of highlighting and celebrating

[nerdygaymormon]

A Brief History of the LDS Church's Transgender Teachings and Policies

Gender identity and gender roles are important in LDS theology and practices. For most of the 1800s, church presidents Joseph Smith and Brigham Young had men, women, and children sit separately for all Sunday meetings. Nowadays, some of the Sundays church meetings are still divided by biological sex. Temple worship is also similarly divided.

For decades, the LDS Church believed that in the premortal life, when intelligences were organized into spirits that they may have chosen whether to live as male or female during mortality, and that poor choices during their time on earth could demote them back to a genderless condition. Joseph Fielding Smith, who was made an apostle in 1910 and became president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in 1970, was well known for teaching that those who do not reach the Celestial Kingdom will be neither man nor woman, merely immortal beings.

As a teenager in the 1980's, I remember being in Sunday School class and the teacher saying that when we're resurrected we can look down, and if we don't see a penis or vagina then we know we're not making it to the Celestial Kingdom.

Along with this, for many years the LDS Church seems to have viewed all queerness as a form of gender confusion, whether it was a man thinking he's a woman or a man who is attracted to other men.

As the fight over gay marriage ramped up, the teaching about genderless spiritual beings was replaced with the idea that gender is forever and this was incorporated into the 1995 Family Proclamation which states that "gender is an essential characteristic of individual pre-mortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose."

The idea is that each of us are a son or daughter of heterosexual & cisgender heavenly parents, and we are meant to become like them. There is a strict binary of spiritual gender identities and gender roles. Ideally, our bodies should be formed in a way that reflects our spiritual body, including our spiritual gender, but the reality of the physical world is that things often don't work as we'd expect them to, but that doesn't change our spiritual gender.

Let me take this moment to point out that the notion of gender being eternal does not exist in scripture, this is a fairly recent evolution.

And while the idea is that gender is an innate and unchangeable part of our souls, the Church has also felt that gender needs to be nurtured, protected, and defended. There have been many rules about what women may wear to BYU and to Sunday services. For many years the advice to leaders on how to counsel with young men experiencing same sex attraction was to have them spend time around manly men and participate in masculine activities, and to not wear androgynous or feminine styles.

For a long time, LDS Church leaders were more aware of homosexuality and focused on this, and their mentions of trans people remained pretty infrequent.

In 1980, Spencer W. Kimball was president of the LDS Church and was outspoken opponent of homosexuality, however he authorized the sealing of a trans woman to her husband in the Washington, D.C. temple. Perhaps in response to this, later that year LDS authorities updated the official General Handbook of Instructions to officially prohibit “transsexual operations.” The handbook stated that “members who have undergone transsexual operations must be excommunicated” and that “after excommunication such a person is not eligible for baptism.”

I first got access to Handbook 1 in 2016, and excommunication was still the standard, although it said "elective transsexual operations" (not sure when the word "elective" was added). Surgery was the boundary line which if crossed would result in excommunication. However, the phrase "elective transsexual operations" recognized there are some circumstances where such operations are required or aren't the choice of the individual. For example, a man whose genitals were injured and couldn't be kept, or an intersex person who had surgery performed on them as an infant or child.

Any individual who was considering "elective transsexual surgery" was not allowed to be baptized, but for an individual who had undergone "transsexual surgery" and now wanted to be baptized, it had to be approved by the First Presidency. If they were allowed to be baptized, they would not be allowed to receive the priesthood or participate in gender-separated temple rites (which limited them to doing baptisms).

There was some wiggle room on whether top surgery is considered "transsexual surgery" and depended on the local leader's interpretation. There was no policy on transitioning in ways that didn't involve surgery, such as hormone therapies, “cross dressing,” or other means of living out one’s gender.

In January 2015, Elder Dallin H. Oaks said, "I think we need to acknowledge that while we have been acquainted with lesbians and homosexuals for some time, being acquainted with the unique problems of a transgender situation is something we have not had so much experience with, and we have some unfinished business in teaching on that." This reflects the growing awareness of trans individuals and showed some humility on his part. Elder Oaks had often spoken out on homosexuality and gay marriage, but this statement was thoughtful and many took it as cautiously optimistic.

Some transgender Mormons in explaining that their bodies do not reflect their gender identity would point to the Family Proclamation which says "gender" is eternal but not necessarily their sex. In response, in 2019 Elder Oaks said that “the intended meaning of gender in the family proclamation and as used in Church statements and publications since that time is biological sex at birth.”

In 2020, a major revision of the Church's general Handbooks were made. Handbook 1 (which was only available to bishoprics, stake presidencies, and General Authorities) was combined with Handbook 2 and put on the Church's website for all to see. This revision included major changes for transgender members.

The term "elective transsexual surgery" was gone, and now any social, medical or surgical transitioning would bring restrictions. Many saw this as more restrictive, it took away the space to transition in ways other than surgery while remaining in good standing as a member. Some saw it as a step at being more accommodating as excommunication was not the de facto punishment for transitioning. A church member could decide if transitioning was important enough to them that they'd be willing to be without a temple recommend.

The 2024 Handbook update seems like they felt some local church leaders had taken things further than had been anticipated, and so they had to plug in the gaps from the 2020 Handbook that leaders had used to be inclusive and accommodating of their trans members. Now members who transitioned in any were not allowed to be baptized, restricted from holding almost all callings, specified which meetings & activities they may attend, forbids trans youth and young single adults from overnight activities, and even has specific rules about under how a trans person may use the restroom.

[butch-reidentified]

if you think agp is a thing(and presumably exclusive to trans women) what do you think of cis women claiming to masturbate in front of mirrors and CIA women who report being aroused by breastfeeding?

literally every single answer to these questions is available on my blog. I'm tired of writing the same posts over and over and over. if you can't find sufficient answers scrolling my blog, searching key words on my blog (or on google citing my blog, which yields better results oftentimes), going through the links in my pinned, or checking the tags referenced in my pinned, then I'd say if it's reeeeally important to you to get answers, your best bet will be to sit tight and occasionally check for updates to my Pinned as I am gradually adding more and more links detailing my views, and/or skim my blog from time to time - it's pretty much guaranteed to cycle through again within a month at most 🤷

I was actually gonna put a partial (that is to say, just not my usual thorough, detailed, and nuanced) answer at the beginning, but honestly I'm getting VERY tired of anonymous strangers who most likely just stumbled across my blog for the first time today thinking they're entitled to a personalized thinkpiece from me when almost every time I get an ask like this (which are distinctly different from good faith curiosities, which I'm more than happy to answer), I've already posted my answer, I've already written about the subject in depth on my blog. so I'll put my answer below instead so you have to read all of the above first, so you at least sort of vaguely kinda earn some response by putting in a miniscule fraction of the work/time I've put into both reading/informing myself about all sorts of different opinions, ideologies, experiences, perspectives, and views (rather than just demanding opinions from strangers on anon, lmao) and writing countless posts (& that's just on here, ignoring the offline side which is where I'm wayyy more active), which are almost always VERY long and detailed and proofread and edited and polished several times over.

btw, kind of a side note -- I have NEVER sent a single anon in my life, and I have NEVER, anonymously or not, demanded someone give me a personalized just-for-me explanation of their opinions (or any at all). the reason I call this entitlement is because you (most likely) aren't asking out of genuine curiosity or good faith. you (most likely) are asking because you dislike what you think my views are (you are most likely misinformed and think I believe things I do not) and you (most likely) think this is some kind of gotcha rather than the same ignorant, unoriginal, boring ass points that I've read countless times as far back as when I was a transactivist and trans-identifying myself. they've been debunked/responded to by a LOT of other women, too, and I'm very confident you could easily find at least one such response. I'm not holding you to a standard I don't also hold myself to; in fact, that I'm going to give you any degree of actual answer at all is demonstrative of my holding myself to a HIGHER standard. because again, nothing I'm about to say on this topic is just now in this post being born into the universe as a novel thought. or even a novel tumblr post; like I said, you could find the radfem answers to this ask yourself with just a tiny bit of effort - and while radfems are far from a monolith, and I am a frequent vocal dissenter on a variety of radblr hot topics, this isn't even really a matter of opinion. read on to find out why.

Part A - Not answering the questions here per se, but a clarification of terminology that may help you (any reader, not necessarily anon) see my perspective:

The word "cis" has different definitions. It used to mean someone who is not trans, whereas trans referred to sex-dysphoric transitioners, a demographic who now often prefer terms like transsexual or transsex or simply "sex-dysphoric" BECAUSE they don't agree with gender identity ideology (GII) and object to the way GII has been actively hostile to them and erased transsexuality (and thus their identities, needs, beliefs, and experiences as well), similarly to the ways in which GII engages with pretty much everything that isn't complete and total blind allegiance. These include but are far from limited to:

1. Obfuscating people's (especially children's/young adults' - as they are the primary consumers of most GII content by far) understanding of biology, particularly as it pertains to the sexes of human beings and sexual dimorphism, and inserting "gender identity" as a direct (but importantly not synonymous or remotely parallel) replacement for the material and biological reality of sex. Sex, absent patriarchy and the gender construct, is simply a neutral and factual categorization of human beings: sex categorizes human body types according to the two developmental pathways that evolved solely for the purpose of producing one gamete type or the other to enable perpetuation of the species via sexual reproduction. What this statement does NOT imply to anyone reading it with even an ounce of integrity/intellectual honesty: "women are defined by having babies," "infertile/childfree adult female humans are not women," "humans with anomalous sexual development of any variety are not male or female, but rather a 3rd sex or even proof sex is a spectrum," or anything along these lines; I refer to these arguments as intellectually dishonest because they are originally intentional (disinformation -> misinformation) misinterpretations & serve to moralize, dogmatize, and essentially theologize facts of nature.

This obfuscation of biology is committed via a variety of tactics that frequently include outright gaslighting; "gender and sex are different" turned into "sex is actually a spectrum" (it's not - read on to learn why not!) and then outright science denial while gaslighting others as being the unscientific, uneducated, "3rd grade understanding of biology" ones (again, this is simply factually not true*).

*Feel free to request to see a peer-reviewed neuroscience journal publication bearing my name and/or my thesis (original research regarding the overlapping genetics + epigenetics of norepinephrine dysregulation in both dysautonomia and attention deficit disorders) if you are skeptical of my credentials regarding biology. alternatively, feel free to cite your sources and I will provide a free-of-charge peer review service :)

2. Building from #1, the erasure of patriarchal sex-based oppression of women & girls (by definition: human beings of the female sex, adults & children respectively) via aforementioned tactics obfuscating sex biology & human biology in favor of an innate, internal "gender identity" which is extremely poorly defined with the individual "gender identities" themselves left utterly non-delineated. Gender identity ideology is to be taken entirely on pure faith, despite the fact that there is absolutely no evidence to support gender identity as a universal component of human beings/universal human experience. In fact, the existence of absolutely any nonzero quantity of human beings who do not experience gender identity firmly disproves it as universal human experience - and we know not all humans have a gender identity. However, every human being experiences sexual development, be it typical, disordered (DSDs, congenital infertility, etc), or otherwise anomalous; the vast majority experience typical sexual development, and one's sex is entirely clear in the vast majority of atypical cases as well. Female humans are oppressed on the basis of our biological reproductive capabilities; patriarchy desires control over the female sex as a direct product of its desire to control reproduction. Patriarchy created the gender construct to instill and enforce a caste system between the sexes upholding the patriarchal dogma of male supremacy and female inferiority. Similarly, patriarchy created father-gods in order to make the creation of life a male act. Erasure of sex in favor of the gender construct serves male supremacy and cannot ever be anti-patriarchal or feminist. Evidence of sex based oppression abounds offline (frankly, you need look no further than menstruation stigma in all its forms up to and including menstrual huts, but there is infinitely more evidence) and right here on my blog as well; I even have some posts tagged to serve as proof of sex based oppression.

3. Erasing homosexuality via working toward erasure of exclusive same-sex attraction (this is particularly targeted at lesbians, and this is VERY well documented. I have many examples of this in my TRA Receipts tag, including a particularly excellent masterpost containing, in total iirc THOUSANDS of screenshots), once again replacing sex with "gender identity" as if one's orientation being defined as attraction to another human's invisible, internal, and highly individual "gender identity," which not all humans even purport to have in the first place, could possibly make any sense. This is uniquely absurd.

As stated in the 2nd link in #1 on my Pinned, I object to the usage of "cis" for non-trans-identifying people. Why? At the core of it, because the most commonplace definition of "cis"/'cisgender" that I see at this point in time is "having a gender identity that aligns with what was assigned at birth." As stated above, gender identity is not universal, rendering "cisgender" equally as personal and internal of an identity label as "transgender" - and these are not a pure dichotomy by any means. Radical feminism does not grant any degree of objective factual legitimacy to the gender construct; thus, no radical feminist is or can be, by definition, transgender or cisgender (this does not carry over to whether or not radfems can have dysphoria or even be medically transitioned). Radfems are not the only humans without "gender identities," and it is dishonest and disrespectful to force the term/label onto everyone else according to an ideology we/they may not share.

Part B - The Long-Awaited Answer! [I changed my mind since this ended up significantly longer than initially planned so here ya go]

Autogynephilia was coined as a term with a specific definition. That definition is still the same one in use today. That definition explicitly states that only males can qualify. That definition is: "a paraphilia that describes when a man experiences sexual arousal from the thought of himself as a woman" per Google, and "a male's propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought of himself as a female" per Blanchard's original stated intention for the term he created. Wikipedia goes on to add "intending for the term to refer to 'the full gamut of erotically arousing cross-gender behaviors and fantasies.'"

I have many criticisms of Blanchard himself and of the quality of his research methodologies. However, the evidence for the existence of the paraphilia itself is abundant and undeniable given that many males outright refer to themselves as autogynephiles and many have openly discussed their experiences as someone with this paraphilia. What I do not believe is that all trans-identifying males are AGPs, that there is proven legitimacy to the HSTS/AGP dichotomy (even Blanchard himself said not all OSA trans-identifying males are AGPs - just a whole lot of them), or that non-trans-identifying males can't be AGPs - actually I think it's likely that most AGPs don't identify as transgender.

The core of the paraphilia, the source of the arousal, is a product of the patriarchal sex caste system; autogynephiles are aroused by the idea of themselves as women - as they themselves have stated - because of the sexual objectification of femaleness and/or because they're aroused by degradation and humiliation (as is blatantly obviously on brilliant display in the existence of and obsession with "forced feminization" and similar female-degrading sexual concepts), and the AGP male views femaleness and the gender that patriarchy has forcibly ascribed to femaleness ("femininity") as inferior and thus sees his engagement in performing femininity as degrading - which in turn sexually excites him.

One reason some women find themselves arousing in their own bodies and natural non-performative states is the same as when men find themselves arousing in their own bodies and natural non-performative states: self-confidence increases libido and associations can be made between A and B. Where women and men inevitably differ, however, is about the arousal surrounding performing femininity and/or sexual self-objectification. It is not at all unreasonable to speculate that some women can be turned on when they "feel hot" for a reason other than just self-confidence; for one speculative example, it's possible that some women may see herself in the mirror all dressed up in hypersexualized clothing and feel that they've succeeded in mirroring the pornified images and sexually-appealing-to-males beauty expectations. Ultimately, this is self-objectification. It's patriarchy and the male gaze that have forced these associations onto all of society, and hypersexual associations have a tendency of causing sexual arousal in people (duh).

Oh and I've never heard of women being aroused by breastfeeding, only complaining about it being painful asf, but like. Nipples are among the most common and well-documented non-genital erogenous areas so? This seems terribly unlikely to be a common phenomenon, but utterly irrelevant to the existence of autogynephilia regardless lol. If this is a thing, like I said I doubt it's commonplace at all, but even just hypothetically, I'd say it would distinctly fall in line with everything else I say in this answer. Patriarchy and its pornographers have indeed sexualized breastfeeding - there are a concerning number of men who ask their partners NOT TO BREASTFEED their babies - his own children! - because it makes him JEALOUS and even resent the baby. I'm dead serious you can look this up, it happens. So... read on for elaboration.

I neither know nor care precisely what you're referencing in this ask, because the answer remains the same: autogynephilia by definition can only affect males, and males who have a fetish for the idea of themselves as female, be that through imagining themselves Fucked (anatomically female, specifically in a sexually objectified - aka Fucked - manner; the anatomical/biological form of autogynephilia fetishizes the male subject imagining himself as the female Fucked object of pornography) or Feminine (as discussed above) fundamentally are not and cannot be the same as women who are turned on by feeling like they look sexually appealing or by their own natural anatomy or biological functions (which have been violently hypersexualized by patriarchy). This is a form of internalized misogyny; when men do it, it's just misogyny. These are not the same.

[whencartoonsruletheworld]

Okay so since there’s soooo much fucking transphobia rampant, here’s a post for those of you who either are Christian and/or surrounded by Christian queerphobes. Here’s a list of rebuttals to when they start talking about how being trans is ungodly.

Most of these rebuttals are religious as that is the base they will be arguing from; however I did include  bit of a science to make their heads spin.

“Genesis also says that God made morning and evening. Are morning and evening strictly binary? Is there nothing inbetween? Can you define 'morning'? How about the binary of darkness and light?”

“So if we're born the gender we are, what are intersex people?” [when they inevitably say there's just "so few of them"] “There are more intersex people than there are redheads. 1.7% of the population are Intersex, while roughly 1.5% are redheads. Does that mean that redheads do not 'count' when discussing hair color?”

[to “God doesn't make mistakes”] “Yes, of course. They just do impossible things. After all, if God could put a baby into a virgin, or could bring life to the dead, why could they not put a boy's soul into a girl's body, or vice versa?”

Feel free to also say “God literally made such a mistake with all humanity that they flooded the planet.”

This line is from a Jewish source, Something That May Shock and Discredit You by Daniel Mallory Ortberg: “As my friend Julian puts it, only half winkingly: 'God blessed me by making me transsexual for the same reason God made wheat but not bread and fruit but not wine, so that humanity might share in the act of creation.'”

Galatians 3:28: “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.“

If they're using the Deuteronomy verse (22:5, about not crossdressing or w/e), know that line is mistranslated. Quoting https://hoperemainsonline.com/index.php/transgender/, “A more literal translation from Hebrew reads 'The weapon of a warrior shall not be on a woman, nor shall a warrior put on the robe of a woman, for all who do these things are a hateful thing to the LORD thy God.' The word “robe” is translated from the Hebrew word simlah, which was a garment worn by both sexes. Clearly, this cannot be referring to cross-dressing. What could it be referring to then? A much more likely answer to that question is that it is about ritual purity and the mixing of blood. Both warrior’s swords and women’s garments would get blood on them, one from battle and the other from menstruation. To have a man wear the robe of a woman, or vice versa, would mix blood, which was considered an abomination under the law.”

Similar mistranslations result in the homophobic verses they spew as well. just browse through hoperemains for some inspo

This last one is long, but it talks about how all humans, including women, were created in God's image; therefore, God is both male and female. If it's wrong for humans to be, why is God enby themself? 

From The Africana Bible, edited by Hugh R Page Jr:

“The term occasionally translated as 'human beings' in the NRSV and generally as "man" in most other English versions is  'adam or ha'adam. Now this is clearly not a personal name (that is, Adam) as the KJV ill-advisedly begins to indicate at about Gen. 2:19. A better translation of this term, however, would be “the earthling” since the term is derived from the term ‘adamah, meaning “land” or “earth.” Such a translation clarifies better than “man” or even “human being” that the original intent of the author is to emphasize that God made “earthlings” as a whole, not just males, in God’s image[...]”

[...]“Such a translation takes into consideration that the term ‘adam is meant to function as a collective term referring to both the male and the female. Thus, we should note that ‘adam here is not a name or an ascription of gender but a collective term for “earthlings” in general; this is emphasized by the author’s choice of the plural pronoun ‘otham, and the use of the plural verbs veyirddu and urdu, meaning in 1:26 and 1:28, 'let THEM have dominion,' further reiterates the inclusive nature of the term ‘adam. [...] In Genesis 1 and 2, both genders were created with equal expressions of God’s image, equal authority over the earth, and equal value as human beings.”

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

you're trans, right? how did you come out to your parents? how did it go? how would you recommend someone go about doing it if they aren't sure how their parents are going to react? (positive to other people's kids being trans, dislike trans women in sports, generally vote democratic). i'm ftm.

sorry if this is too personal or already been answered or something

-- aar

Lee says:

As a matter of fact, I am indeed trans! I specifically identify as genderqueer, non-binary, transmasculine, transgender, and transsexual, although that's neither here nor there.

I actually didn't come out to my parents-- I came out to my friends, and then more publicly to my classmates at school. Then one of my classmates told her parents about me being trans, and that parent met my parents at a party and mentioned that I was trans. Unfortunately it just so happened that while they were at the party and out of the house, I took the opportunity to cut my hair short at home. Yikes!

Anyway, I would fully recommend actually coming out over being outed, if you have the choice, because then you have some control over the start of the conversation and can initially let them know whatever you want them to know.

As always, safety comes first. Do not come out if you do not think you will be safe. If there's any risk of harm or severe negative consequences, you should wait to come out until you're in a more secure position, like being 18 or older, financially independent, not living at home, or at the very least, having a support system in place like a trusted therapist who can help you deal with the repercussions of coming out.

There's a difference between being genuinely unsafe and feeling uncomfortable. Most people will feel their fight-or-flight anxiety response kick in when they have a really scary and stressful conversation, especially when they're talking with someone who means a lot to them and has a lot of authority in their life. But being anxious about their reaction might make something feel unsafe, emotionally, even if you logically know that you are safe and they will not kick you out, abuse you, etc.

That doesn't mean that your feelings aren't real feelings though. If you think that you would not be able to cope if your parents don't immediately and fully accept and support you, then maybe it isn't the right time to come out either. Your emotional well being is important, and if you would be unsafe as a result of mental illness/extreme distress after coming out (if your parent's reaction isn't what you had hoped it would be) then you should consider that to be just as important as if you were physically in danger from an external source. After you've had some time and therapy and got re-stabilized then you can reconsider coming out.

Let's say that you've decided to proceed with coming out. The next step is to continue to gauge their attitudes. You've already observed some of their views. This can be a good starting point to understand how they might react. Remember, though, that parents' reactions to their own child can sometimes be different from their general opinions. So they might be fine with your trans friends, but not be fine with you being trans yourself.

You can't fully predict what will happen, but making sure you have a sense of what they currently think might help a little-- if the topic hasn't come up in over a year and you're working off of what you remember them saying far in the past, it's possible their views have changed by now.

But either way, you'll never really know what will happen after you come out, so if you want to do it, you just gotta go for it.

Now it's time to prepare. You may want to have resources ready for your parents, so looking to find those resources should be your next step. Are there local support groups for parents of trans kids and do you know of any peers whose parents have attended? They might have questions or misconceptions about being a trans man, so be ready to share some basic 101 information with them and don't assume they understand what it really means to be trans. Websites, books, or even contact information for a knowledgeable counselor can be helpful.

Think about what you want to say beforehand. What's the point of coming out? Do you want something to change, like having them call you a different name, use different pronouns, buy you different clothes? Do you want them to understand the nuances of your identity and know the right terms and words to use and what terms and words are offensive? Think about all of your goals, and then write down the key points you want to get down.

This is the time to consider your answers to the questions they might ask you, like "how long have you felt this way," "do you plan on medically transitioning," "what does this mean for your sexual orientation," etc. Even if you don't know all the answers yet and are still figuring yourself out, you want to have an idea of what you'll tell them, even if it's just "I don't know yet, I'm still figuring it out".

I'm personally not a fan of gimmicky/"cute" ways of coming out when you aren't sure whether your family will be accepting. So I would recommend just using a letter to initially come out if you're worried about getting overwhelmed or forgetting important details, and being prepared to follow that up by having a sit-down conversation.

Have a support system in place. This could be friends, other family members, teachers, counselors, or online communities who understand and support your identity. I always recommend scheduling an event with friends either for directly after you come out so you have an excuse to leave the conversation and go, or at least for the next day so you can decompress and discuss it with people who support you.

When you're as ready as you can be, choose the right moment. Find a time when your parents are likely to be calm and not preoccupied with other stressors (so not on their birthday, a major holiday, etc) and either leave the letter for them or ask them if they are available to have an important conversation.

This might not always be possible, but a peaceful environment can facilitate a better conversation. Choose a time and place where you feel safe and where you won't be interrupted. This could be at home during a quiet weekend afternoon, an evening after dinner, or during a walk together, depending on your family dynamics.

Finally, it's time to have the conversation. You should be clear and direct. Tell them "I'm transgender and that means I feel I am a man," or whatever language you feel comfortable with. Don't hint at it because they might not know what you're trying to tell them, just tell them exactly what you want to say.

It’s okay to admit if you don’t have all the answers yet. Transitioning is a journey, and it's fine to be figuring things out as you go.

But if that isn't the case for you, and you are sure, then you should be ready to stand up for yourself and tell them that. They might react positively, negatively, or be unsure, but their feelings are not your fault/your responsibility because you're living true to yourself. It's okay if they need time to process the information, but don't back down and let them railroad you into saying that you're not sure or didn't mean it if you are sure and do mean it.

Finally, be prepared for the long haul. Understand that your parents might need time to fully grasp and accept your identity. Patience can be challenging but is often necessary since it can take several months to years before they come around and truly support you. That means that one conversation is usually not enough. Be open to ongoing discussions and expect them to be sometimes awkward.

We have a coming out page with more info, although some of the links are old and broke (I promise I'll get to fixing it some day!)

Followers, any advice for anon?

[faggypuppywhore]

"I also find it disingenuous that academics in gender studies and sociology tend to concentrate rather exclusively on those gender variant individuals who are most easily ungendered: transsexuals who have just embarked on the transitioning process, intersex people who are in the process of being “treated” by medical institutions, and those transgender people who actively engage in drag, gender bending, and/or who identify outside the male/female binary. While these groups should be given a voice, what regularly goes unreported are the views of transsexuals who are ten or twenty years post transition, intersex people who have lived fairly gender-normative, heterosexual lives, and transgender people who at one point embraced being “in between” or “outside of” the categories of female or male as part of their coming out experience, but who later came to identify within the male/female binary. These populations of gender-variant people tend to have completely different experiences and opinions around gender. But their stories are never told, most likely because they are at odds with the positions and theories put forward by most academic gender researchers. While some transsexual and intersex people do identify outside of the gender binary, most of us have experienced a profound understanding of ourselves as being female or male. For us, the greatest struggle in our lives is reconciling the apparent discrepancies that exist between that internal self understanding and our physical bodies. The fact that our anatomies do not perfectly coincide with the gender we experience ourselves to be results in us regularly having our identities dismissed and our bodies objectified and ridiculed. So when non intersex, cissexual academics use gender-variant bodies and experiences to unravel the gender binary, they are essentially undermining our efforts to have our self-identifications taken seriously"

Julia I am once again asking you to speak to intersex and non binary people please for the love of god Julia speak to them cause as an abinary person who thinks gender is a social construct I can tell you scientist and researchers and doctors and sociologists are not out here clamouring to mine or people like mes story anymore than they are doing the same for you Its wild how you can write a whole section on researchers using trans people to push their ideas and then say that they take our stories seriously because they rarely if ever do also insanely wild to say that transsexuals peoples bodies are objectified and ridiculed and their identities dismissed because their bodies and genders dont match when literally just about every gender variant person deals with that stop fucking drawing random ass lines in the sand that do not reflect life and reality for many people

[marblecakemix]

hey, about your blog intro you said that you don't hate trans people but you hate their ideology, do you mind explaining what you mean?

Not at all! It came out kinda long, I hope you don't mind.

The first thing I hate the most about gender ideology is "trans kids". I'm strongly against stuffing children with hormones that their young and still developing bodies do not need. I believe that children cannot give consent to irreversible hormonal therapy and surgeries. Especially when hormones have a huge impact on their mental and physical development (just look at how different levels of estrogen in a woman's body change how she acts). A lot of adults aren't sure about transitioning and sometimes regret parts of it, how can a child make such a difficult and life-altering decision? There are safer and healthier ways of testing the waters (that should last at least 2 years to be sure), like changing the style of clothes, using different pronouns and assimilating more with the opposite sex. Why is that not the first thing recommended to those kids?

And to the people who deny any of that happening. Today at the mall I saw a 14/15 y/o girl on testosterone (I and my friend could tell by how uncharacteristically low her voice was). She clearly was not doing well, she had that empty look in her eyes (speaking from experience). She was maybe a head smaller than me (I'm 155cm/5'1) and she'll most likely never grow taller and will probably end up obese, because of taking testosterone so early. In my country gay marriage is illegal, but you are free to butcher a child's natural growth with hormones? That does not seem right.

The second thing is how transness is presented nowadays. You don't need to have gender dysphoria (even though it's the first thing you would need to be diagnosed with a decade ago to transition which was the essential thing in transsexualism)! You don't even have to want to change at all! Now all you need to do is to check the criteria of "feeling trans/like different gender" which is deeply rooted in sexism and operates on stereotypes. What does "feeling like a woman" mean? Women-feelers want to wear all pink, revealing clothing, have big bouncy boobs, act stupid, and be annoying? That sounds pretty sexist to me. Same with "feeling like a man". A man is not someone who likes bears, fishing, and cars, we all know that. You can't feel like a man/woman, because sex is not based on feelings, interests, and personality which the opposite is one of the fundamentals of being trans according to gender ideology. The most harmful thing I see that comes out of it is women (usually identifying as non-binary) say things like, I don't feel like a woman, because I have a complex personality and can think on a higher level than a toddler. That's sexism all throughout that gender ideology supports wholeheartedly.

Another thing is borderline occultic behaviors I see in gender ideology believers. They pray on the young and vulnerable and tell them that the irreversible change to their body will fix all their problems (that have usually nothing to do with gender dysphoria). The activity discourages people from looking into research on topics that questions the ideology and show the negative side of it. They vandalize, attack, and kill people who are against their ideology. They expect that their minority rights will have more power than 99% of the world's population. They usually are only or mostly friends with themselves. They advocate for children to be taken away from their families just because the family is questioning their child's behavior. Straight-up lying about statistics and research results like how the newest research says that people who transition are more likely to take their own lives than before transitioning and I don't think you'll ever hear about that from gender ideologist. There's a lot more, but I can't think of another example now.

Those are the main reasons why I hate gender ideology. I hope that this answers your question. If you want to ask about anything more specific, go ahead!

[anamericangirl]

(Girl who sent the two part ask here, just wanted to tac on something I forgot to mention 3/2 ) Something I feel is also criminally glossed over time and time again is the amount of children who feel uncomfortable in their bodies and or some form of dysphoria as a result of violation/ exposure to sex too young. Regardless of the form it’s in. (Molestation, rape, watching porn, etc) These are real issues. If you look up the statistics, the amount of “dysphoric” children (and adults, as well) who turn out to be victims of sexual abuse is appalling. And instead of giving them the support they need after these crimes, (THERAPY) we rush to validate a wholly unhealthy coping mechanism. It’s like someone witnessing a murder, and turning to alcoholism to cope, and instead of people discouraging a destructive behavior, people rush to make it okay to drink excessively in public and give them surgery to have an artificial liver put in so they can continue to drink as much as they want and being mad at anyone who questions these things. You’re not helping anyone by blindly affirming them, especially people who feel this way as a result of some sort of trauma. We are doing people a great disservice by saying, if you are gnc in any way, if you feel uncomfortable in your body, then the immediate next step should be some form of transition. The fact of the matter is, even socially transitioning kids has been shown to be psychologically harmful. And a lot of these kids are most likely looking for approval, attention, and praise from the adults around them, because that is what all children are naturally inclined to do. It’s how humans develop. And I never even touched on the amount of kids who these parents are transitioning in childhood because they like to do things that are stereotypically associated with the opposite sex. So many of those kids just turn out to be gay, or just straight people who aren’t a walking stereotype. Not every single action a child makes is a groundbreaking view into the inner mechanisms of their mind. There are little girls who at 3 years old will attempt to pee standing up and say “I a boy mama” and it means absolutely NOTHING. One of the key ways human children explore and learn (and have since the dawn of humanity) is by imitation. It’s normal and healthy for them to explore different things. They should not be chastised or pushed into transitioning (even if it’s “just social”) as a result of these behaviors. They’re starting from scratch, being formed out of seemingly nowhere, where all they know for almost a year of their existence is a womb, and then being thrust into this crazy ass world trying to navigate it all. Children cannot give “informed” consent. It is was and always will be predatory towards children and adults alike to push transition upon the mentally Ill, victims of sexual crimes, people who don’t fit into the stereotype of their sex, or people who are just fucking gay and that’s fine! You as a parent shouldn’t be jumping into rash decisions after a google search because your 12 year old daughter likes short hair and hates dresses. If you don’t think it’s predatory to push these things in the classroom under the guise of it being sex Ed and that it’s okay for schools to not tell parents what’s being fed to their kids or that their kids are internalizing these messages, you’re just a groomer and there’s probably no helping you. (May have sent this twice? Tumblr was being stupid)

( Last one I PROMISE 4/2) At the end of the day, if you are a legal adult, I don’t really care what you do with yourself, but your right to swing your fist ends at my face. So I and many others do have a problem with people demanding we affirm and conform to their personal choices (denying basic biological reality, calling them things they are not, giving them access to spaces that are not rightfully theirs, and pushing this lunacy on to vulnerable adults and children, to name a few) The amount of actual transsexuals (people who actually have diagnosed gender dysphoria) in the world is very few. The reason why where seeing more and more self proclaimed trans people nowadays isn’t because of “increased awareness and education” it’s largely because, being trans online is clout city if you wanna put it on social media, it makes it so you can behave abhorrently and be largely untouchable (or else you’re a bigot!), it puts you in a position to punish and cancel those you dislike by crying “transphobia!!” Every five seconds, it’s pushed upon anyone who feels unhappy with the expectations put on them because of their sex, are insecure or ashamed of their sexuality, or who feels uncomfortable in their body, and of course a big seller for adults and kids, it gets you brownie points, attention, praise, sympathy, and coddling GALORE. Are you a completely uninteresting person? Do you bring nothing to the table? Do you want some zest in your personal life? Just be trans! Now for a lot of people that’s too much, so if you’d like a lighter option you can consider our most popular package, she/they! (Also available in he/they and they/them). Kids have a hard enough time navigating the first 25 years of their life as it is. They don’t need more bullshit being pushed on them, especially not in place of actual therapy and mental health treatment if they truly have a problem.

I would again like to take the time to apologize to the owner of this blog, I know I wrote an absolute novel, and you’re probably going to have a hell of a time trying to post these and may or may not be bombarded by idiots as a result, but as someone who was groomed by several different individuals as a child I get incredibly frustrated with people trying to groom children out in the open (and make no mistake, it is grooming.getting these children alone, demonizing their parents, creeps online saying stuff like “I’ll be your parent now” it’s textbook.) and then emotionally manipulating people who question them by saying their kids are going to commit suicide. It’s not right to do this to vulnerable adults, but pushing your weird sex change fetish onto children is abhorrent and should be seen and treated as such.

It’s true and you should say it!

There have been studies published showing that many of those that detransitioned stated they realized their dysphoria was related to “other issues” and people aren’t paying attention to that!

When a child indicates they feel like the opposite sex it’s never like “oh that’s not normal let’s try to find out why they are feeling that way” it’s always “well that means you are the opposite sex so let’s go get that feeling affirmed and put you on puberty blockers.”

That should never be the first option.

Not to mention, like you said, being trans is “trendy” these days. The amount of people identifying as trans has gone up dramatically since the social media became a thing and there are so many testimonies of detransitioners saying social media was a huge influence in their decision to start transitioning because in those online circles they’re all just working to convince kids they’re in the wrong body and that they need to transition to be truly happy and not kill themselves.

There could be a myriad of reasons why someone might be experiencing dysphoria and every attempt should be made to get to the root of the issue and try to prevent the dysphoria from continuing or getting worse before you start “affirming” it. Because chances are, if it’s from something like abuse, transitioning isn’t going to solve the problem.

And I really hate how our culture celebrates the transitioning of children, and even adults, by saying they “found their true selves” as if they fucking know that. How do they know they weren’t their “true selves” before and this transition isn’t a symptom of a serious problem, like it usually is? Transitioning is celebrated as if people actually are born in the wrong body and are girls when they’re boys and boys when they’re girls instead of being seen as the mental illness it is.

These people need help and celebrating their mental illnesses and gender dysphoria and referring to that as their “true self” is incredibly disgusting to me.

[ezradogteeth]

heyo james, I've got a question for ya :) (pls feel free to not answer if it's too personal!)

So, I've finally started making calls to get top surgery, and I was really excited! like wow this thing I've been looking forward to for years is finally gonna happen, i'll get to wear shirts without having to constantly think about how i look, etc.

but then I started thinking more about it (i guess because its becoming more Real?), and I'm more conflicted about getting rid of my chest. like, hairy tits go kinda hard actually, and like sensory wise they are fun for stimming. plus i feel INFINITE BUTCH SWAG with them. if it was just me by myself forever, I feel like I could be happy with them, but I also find myself yearning for like, being able to be shirtless in public and also having a smooth surface to run my hands down. stuff like that. (also especially the "not worrying about how I look when i put on a t-shirt thing)

so here's my question: I remember you making a comic about how happy you were to have had top surgery, even if u still missed your old chest sometimes, or felt conflicted about it. what do u miss about your old chest? do you ever feel dyphoric with ur current chest? if u have any other insights or things to say, pls do

(p.s. i am considering non-flat surgery, but i don't know how i feel abt that yet because currently I think it'd be the worst of both worlds for me. i don't think the results would be what i actually want: flat chest that's just slightly rounded across the whole thing so it's soft and kinda andro looking)

hi moth yayyy so exciting!! ty for ur question!! longish answer so its under the cut

first i wanted to say that when i first decided to look into having top surgery, after my consultation, i got wigged out and decided to hold off on it for a while. talking to the surgeon made me Really understand that it is a major surgery and everything that entails. a lot of it freaked me out and i ended up deciding to go for it almost a year after that, and i'm glad i took that time to reconsider.

second, i totally relate to the butch swag thing and sensory thing. since having top surgery i've seen a lot more art and photos and people irl who are transmasc/genderqueer with boobs, much more than i did pre-op, and it makes me feel very happy and i wish i saw more of it back then bc it wouldve made me feel a lot better.

i do think that inherently, i would have been able to make peace with my body as is and not had surgery. i was never super dysphoric about my chest and i liked having partners who found it attractive. like you said, if it was just me by myself, or if i was only ever around people who wouldn't see me having boobs as contradictory to me passing as male, i wouldn'tve minded as much.

but unfortunately it doesn't exist in a vacuum like that. the body is a public form, it's how you engage with the world. similar to what you said, i wanted to be able to be shirtless, not wear a binder, be able to pass sometimes, etc. i also wanted the sensory experience of like, laying down flat on my chest, or running without breasts moving which was always uncomfortable for me esp since i hated wearing bras.

i don't feel dysphoric about my current chest, it's more like a passing wistfulness for how my chest used to be or would've been now if i hadn't had surgery. sometimes it's just the feeling of absentmindedly holding my own boob i miss lol. since i had surgery pretty young there's things i feel like i might've missed out on. i live in a wayyy more transsexual ass place now where it's way more normal for a man to have, and show off, breasts, and for it to be attractive, and not negate his identity at all. and i think i would've slayyed like that. alas! on the day to day though, i've also been working more physical jobs where i want to pass as male, so binding would have been very uncomfortable and i'm glad i don't have to do it. and i get a ton of euphoria from being flat chested, and i'm lucky to be around people who find post-op transmasc chests cool and attractive. as much as i liked having partners be attracted to my chest pre-op, i've also learned that there Are people out there who find flat chests just as attractive, and i love having partners who are attracted to the masculinity of my body, because previously i'd often felt like i had to be feminine to be attractive

and re: a non-flat surgery option, i do think it's something to look into! i never really considered it cuz for me it wasn't really the size of my chest that mattered, more like entirely having breasts or not, and i didn't want to go thru the whole ordeal of surgery just to be dysphoric again or end up wanting to get a flat chest later on - though many people do get a reduction/semi-flat surgery and later have full top surgery and it's totally cool!!!

feel free to send a follow up if i didn't answer something in particular or you want me to elaborate on anything ^_^

[trans-wojak]

Hi! I was just wondering, what are your views on non-binary people who actually experience dysphoria and choose to medically transition? I've seen you sorta condemning AFAB enbies who only identify as such without transitioning medically or even just socially, and got genuinely curious, what's your overall opinion on non-binary people. Just in case - I did choose to transition, I've got my top surgery scheduled this year.

I think people can do whatever they want with their bodies cause it’s their body. Buttt being a flat chested female isn’t changing your sex to a third sex, it’s just making you look more or less like a breast cancer survivor. Even in trans guys most top surgery results look terrible. It doubles in awfulness when the person is overweight… Because a male chest doesn’t look flat or even caved in. And most of the time, I don’t think it’s wise to do such surgeries unless you have actual dysphoria - which is, problems with your sex AND wanting to be the opposite sex, not some mix or made up version of the two sexes. I also think a good portion of women who self ID as non binary and want top surgery only want it so (mostly imagined) men won’t see them as sexually attractive and available, because more or less - potentially denying they are lesbians. then again, most enbies I come across are “T4T” but rarely date each other & only go after trans women and trans men who have actually transitioned.

I also want to emphasise that most women who ID as non binary are also mentally ill, with a diagnosis like borderline or bipolar which has identity disturbance issues as a symptom. Do I think that this should stop them from getting surgery or hormones? It’s hard to say: in a perfect world I would like transsexual healthcare to be accessible without threat of removal due people misusing it and regret and I would want non binary people to get their hormones and surgery by paying for it, like anyone else does for cosmetic procedures. Just because you really want something doesn’t mean it’s a medical need, I really would like a nose job because I hate the shape of my nose but my need for testosterone and potential surgery (I may/may not need top surgery due to my chest size) is vastly different. Living socially as a woman is painful but not just that, feeling immense disconnection with my body’s sex is extremely uncomfortable. The nose job would just make me feel satisfied and happy, whereas transition has made me feel content and a sense of ease.

I think all body modification is fine cause it’s their body, what I disagree with is people using trans healthcare coverage for their body modification needs. These days the ‘progressive’ climate allows anyone to be given a diagnosis of dysphoria even when they don’t. Removing breasts while retaining every other female sexual characteristic won’t make people think you’re androgynous, so if it’s just for your satisfaction, then that’s great but if you’re doing it in hopes that people won’t see you as a female, it’s the wrong choice.

[fmet]

I would argue that chainsaw man is an inherently queer piece of media. Even considering the main characters rampant heterosexuality and Fujimoto’s clear love for his female cast (lol), any lgbt person reading csm is sure to notice how reminiscent, even nostalgic, of transsexuality, homosexuality and other unconventional forms of attraction Fujimoto built chainsaw man’s world to be. Not meaning that their is a lack of homo/transphobia in the csm universe or in Fujimoto’s ideological views (quite the opposite actually). But Fujimoto has continually proven to enjoy and put effort into writing lgbt storylines. In Fire Punch there is a trans male MC and two gay male side characters. One of his short stories follows a guy who wakes up suddenly as a girl, and ends with the character deciding to maintain a male identity.

In chainsaw man there are even more instances of “queerness” influencing the world building, which includes the featuring of lgbt characters. The most obvious example is Quanxi and her 4 weed smoking girlfriends (and I do acknowledge that she is partly a result of lesbian fetishism on Fujimoto’s part. It would be ignorant to pretend that she isn’t—but I also don’t think that negates her mentioning here). The mechanics of fiends and devilmen, which deal largely with recreating and reutilizing the body in a way and for what it wasn’t originally intended, is something that really speaks to be as a trans person. Denji being “reborn” after contracting with Pochita, and being sewn into a new person with different bodily experiences, feelings, etc, can be correlated to surgery and body modification, including gender-affirming surgery.

There’s Angel devil and Aki’s deal paralleling Aki’s relationship with Himeno, there’s Beam’s deal, etc etc. I remember reading somewhere that Fujimoto’s read BL. I’m sure there’s more I’m forgetting and that fact alone makes me really happy. Even with real world homophobia and transphobia making itself present in Fujimoto’s stories chainsaw man’s still manages to feature Lgbt characters and themes so casually, as if understanding that negative attitudes towards something does not make that something go away. Idk even with my love for media that centers lgbt issues I also have so much gratitude for media like Chainsaw man where lgbt people can just be there, and it’s not a grab for representation, and the creator isn’t trying to make a ethical point by including them. It’s as much of a theme of chainsaw man as it’s criticism of dehumanizing labor.

That post that was talking about Fujimoto referencing from actual autists and gay people for his stories was so true. What I’m saying is is that Yoshida is fujobait and gay until proven otherwise frrrr fr

[d-parade]

Is “transgenderism” just another youth subculture?

As much as the words “transtrender” and “brainwashing” sound extremely harsh and hateful, the fact is that there is some truth to them.

(Personally, I wouldn’t like to use these words as they might come off as too biased even though they do represent my views somewhat.)

It is no lie that children and teenagers are constantly in the process of finding and discovering themselves. They are the peak of progressiveness. This can be seen all throughout history with rising rebellion trends that goes against the norm.

Take for example (because I’m kinda obsessed with it), the bosozoku and yankii youth subculture in the 80s and 90s in Japan. Teenage gangsters exploded in popularity. Gang fights, underage smoking, biking all spiked during this era. Why? Because it heavily went against the traditional Japanese culture of being an upright student with good grades. Teenagers were sick of it and hence decided to rebel.

This is a trend.

Another example would be the emo scene during the 2000s, though I won’t be going into that.

If you notice, many youth subcultures tend to go against societal expectations and norms because it is stemmed out of frustration of being in a suffocating rigid society.

Now… what does this sound like? Hell yea, the transgender movement. The young people involved, the sudden spike, it’s intertwine with one’s entire identity and self expression, and the general push it has towards progression.

This is what youth rebellion looks like in the 2020s. It is exactly the same as all the other subcultures that preceded it.

But it’s going overboard, way too overboard.

Youth subcultures and the rest of the world always had a sort of divide between them, but living in mutual disagreement. There were always backlash and discrimination from the older generation, and sometimes from others in their own generation.

Transgenderism doesn’t escape this. But the slippery slope of liberalisation and conservatism pushed these issues to opposite far ends, resulting in extremism which churns out more hate. As you can see, this creates an endless cycle that would not stop anytime soon.

Furthermore, the rise of transgenderism ropes in transsexualism, due to misunderstanding that they are one and the same. You can understand how this is harmful as transsexualism is a medical issue, transgenderism much less so.

I would also like to point out how many participants of old youth subculture have grown out of it. If you were to talk to them in the past, they would tell you that they believe that they will forever live like this and that it was part of them, not because it was a trend. But if you were to talk to them now, they understand it was merely a trend that they unconsciously followed. Of course, there’s some who still partake in the culture, but the vast majority wouldn’t.

This is a hint that transgenderism is a youth subculture. We’re also seeing it now, as the prevalence of eccentric neopronouns and such have been decreasing ever since it’s spike in 2020-2022.

Enough rambling.

In conclusion, I do believe that there’s always been frustration based on gender expectations which might lead to the desire of being the opposite sex, or leaving the idea of binary gender altogether. Similar to how some black people might’ve wished to be born white so that they wouldn’t have to undergo slavery. But the transgenderism we see today is definitely just another rebellious youth subculture that has gone too far.

Are participants valid as humans? Of course.

Am I saying your feelings and experiences are not real? Not at all, they’re very real to you right now and I wholeheartedly understand.

But am I going to feed into the idea that being trans is your true, never changing self? No, because I believe you will slowly grow out of it, and that the transgender movement will eventually die down when two sides reach an equilibrium. Although, this might take another 10 years or so.

I’ll use pronouns if it makes sense, respect you as a human. But am I going to encourage things that I believe will harm you in the future? No.

Most of all, it’s crucial to know that leaving behind something you thought was your entire identity is fine. It’s all part of being a teenager/ young adult and growing up.

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

how do I get top surgery if I’m not non-binary/transgender?

like. I’m fine with how I am. I’m agender, but I don’t mind being perceived female. but I would like to not have boobs.

thanks!

Lee says:

Just to define some terms for folks who may not be as familiar--

The word "non-binary" is an umbrella term that is inclusive of (but not forced upon) anyone who does not fully identify as solely male or female 100% of the time. So if you're agender, you can call yourself non-binary if you want to.

Similarly, the word “transgender” is an umbrella term that is inclusive of (but not forced upon) anyone who does not fully identify as the gender they were assigned at birth 100% of the time. So if you're agender, you can also call yourself transgender if you want to.

You don't have to identify as non-binary and transgender if you don't want to, but both terms are labels that you are more than welcome to apply to yourself if you find them useful when seeking surgery.

I am genderqueer, and I also identify as non-binary, transmasculine, transgender, and transsexual. During my medical transition, I was very open about my identities to the mental health providers who wrote my letters of support for gender-affirming surgery, and I didn't have any issues getting my surgeries as a result of my gender identity.

Unfortunately, I know that there are many therapists and surgeons who aren't particularly knowledgeable about gender-expansive people and that can result in more gatekeeping when trying to access gender-affirming surgery for some folks with less luck than I.

Location can also influence this-- I live on the East Coast so I had more options than someone in a rural area of the South, for example, so I could be pickier and had more choices of providers to see.

It's still possible to get surgery, but it can just be a little more difficult which means you have to be a self-advocate and fight for what you want, which sucks but you gotta do what you gotta do to get the care that you need.

Research Surgeons:

Start by researching surgeons who specialize in top surgery or chest masculinization. While many surgeons have experience with binary transgender men, it's essential to find a surgeon who is understanding and respectful of your reasons for wanting the surgery.

Reading posts on Reddit and joining top surgery Facebook groups is a good way to learn from and connect with former patients who have had surgery with that surgeon is really helpful in getting information about what their experience was like.

Some surgeons do not require a letter of support from a mental health provider, removing a requirement that can be a barrier for some people seeking surgery, but that can mean that your insurance will not cover surgery as having a letter of support is often a requirement from insurance companies.

Insurance companies will only cover top surgery if it's deemed medically necessary, which means you need to be diagnosed with gender dysphoria and/or have back pain related to your chest size and/or need a preventative double mastectomy for cancer risk.

If you're pursuing surgery for what insurance companies would deem purely aesthetic or personal reasons, you might need to pay out-of-pocket, so if the reason you don't want to have boobs is because of gender dysphoria then focus on that when you're speaking to your providers.

2. Research mental health providers:

Local LGBTQIA+ community centers often have resources and lists of affirming therapists in the area. They might also offer support groups or counseling services directly.

If you're comfortable, you can also ask friends, family, or members of local or online LGBTQIA+ communities for therapist recommendations.

Once you have a list of potential therapists, contact them and ask them about their experience with agender clients, their approach to therapy, whether they are willing to write a letter of support for top surgery and what their process is for that, and any training they've had related to gender diversity.

Ensure that the therapist is licensed in your state and look for reviews or testimonials about them online-- multiple bad reviews from trans folks about them is a big red flag.

If cost is a concern, inquire about sliding scale fees, insurance acceptance, or low-cost therapy options. Some therapists offer reduced rates based on financial need.

And yeah, if you really want to you could just straight-up lie and tell them that you're a binary man and say what you think they want to hear since it's not like they can peer into your brain to see that you're actually agender. But if you have to tell the therapist and/or surgeon that you're a binary trans man to get the letter/get the surgery date then maybe those aren't the providers who you really want to be working with anyway.

So I personally wouldn't recommend just outright lying to them, but I do recommend being thoughtful and strategic about how you present yourself. Don't start off by saying "I’m fine with how I am, I don’t mind being perceived female, and I’m not non-binary/transgender." That doesn't explain why you need this surgery.

Instead you should say that you're [transmasculine/agender/applicable label] and you've been out for [insert number of years], you feel that the next step in your transition is top surgery because you know that would be happier without breasts because having them makes you feel [insert specific unhappy feelings] and that affects your life in [insert ways that it affects you] and you've felt this way about them for [insert] number of years and you're confident that this is the right choice for you and will put your on the right path for your future, etc.

We have a post on getting a therapist here, and our top surgery page has more information on the general logistics of seeking top surgery because it's pretty similar process regardless of your specific gender identity.

It's essential to make decisions that align with your comfort, well-being, and identity, and only you can decide what labels you want to present yourself with. If you are well-informed, have a support system, and choose a therapist and surgeon who respects and understands your reasons you will end up finding the right path for you.

Good luck!

Followers, feel free to add on with your experiences if you identify similarly to anon.

[turgidscum]

Also to answer your question, to put it simply bio essentialism answers the question of nature vs nurture as: “100% or close to 100% nature”. The reality of course is that nature and nature (biology and culture/upbringing) interact with and shape each other. Almost nothing is fully one or the other. Bio essentialism is frequently used by transphobes as well.

transphobes can get bent, first off. there's no place for that nonsense in modern society. we are not a scourge, but many of us do face many struggles that we need help on.

regarding it being either all nature or all nurture... i suppose i am on the side that it is predominantly nature. i don't take that to be a bad thing or something that needs to be corrected, rather a reinforcement that we (any lgbt person) are part of the natural order and that we cannot be changed regardless of what anyone tries to do. same with anyone for that matter... cis, trans, straight, gay, etc. we are whoever we're born as.

let me reinforce that this has been my stance since high school... one's sexuality and gender cannot be changed. fetishes and sexual interests i find have a bit more sway and can certainly be influenced by culture, but it is also very heavily based it nature (i.e. foot fetishes, degradation, etc.)

we find that many mental illnesses have a genetic predisposition and we don't necessarily think that's a bad thing. for example, if your parents had bipolar disorder, the likelihood of you having it would be much higher. that then delves into the idea that there's usually an exterior trigger that allows these predispositions to manifest.

sometimes those factors aren't genetic, but due to brain chemistry. this is the case in many personality disorders, but i tread cautiously into comparing ones transsexuality with personality disorders. i suppose it's just an example that not everything biological is based in genetics and can be affected by other aspects of neurodevelopment, neurostructure, and overall biology.

while we can say that almost nothing is one or the other, it's important to remember that some things are. while i am willing to admit that, hey, maybe trans people aren't trans as a result of different brain structures or hormonal exposure in utero, i absolutely have to believe that my gender as a man is unchangeable. i have believed myself to be a boy as long as i can remember and i am lucky enough to live in a world where i can be that man immutably.

my sense of self as a man will not change because it never has. my body will change to become as male as possible. i do not believe this was influenced by my upbringing at all. my family is wildly transphobic and i was expressing these male tendencies and my desires to be a boy as young as eight. before that i didn't even know there was a difference between boys and girls.

perhaps i'm taking this too personally, but if something isn't 100% nature, it can be changed. i cannot be changed.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Bernard Lane

Published: Feb 8, 2024

At a December 2023 hearing of the Women and Equalities Committee of the UK House of Commons, Women and Equalities Minister Kemi Badenoch agreed to write to the committee with evidence “that children likely to grow up to be gay (same-sex attracted) might be subjected to conversion practices on the basis of gender identity rather than their sexual orientation.” What follows is the relevant section of her letter—GCN

Kemi Badenoch

Both prospective and retrospective studies have found a link between gender non-conformity in childhood and someone later coming out as gay.

A young person and their family may notice that they are gender non-conforming earlier than they are aware of their developing sexual orientation. If gender non-conformity is misinterpreted as evidence of being transgender and a child is medically affirmed, the child may not have had a chance to identify, come to terms with or explore a same-sex orientation.

The strong link between same-sex attraction and a transgender identity has been discussed in the relevant academic literature for many years. The Dutch founders of medical gender transition for adolescents wrote in 1999 that (the language is their own)—

“Not all children with GID (Gender Identity Disorder) turn out to be transsexuals after puberty… Prospective studies of GID boys show that this phenomenon is more strongly related to later homosexuality than to later transsexualism. These findings are in accordance with retrospective studies that have shown that male and female homosexuals recall more cross-gendered behaviour in childhood than male and female heterosexuals.”

In 2012, one of the same authors also found a clear pattern emerging—

“Follow-up studies have demonstrated that only a small proportion of gender dysphoric children become transsexual at a later age, that a much larger proportion have a homosexual sexual orientation without any gender dysphoria.”

The most recent reported data from GIDS [the Tavistock youth gender clinic] in England demonstrates that older [adolescent] patients expressing a sexual orientation were overwhelmingly not heterosexual. [And] 67.7 per cent of adolescent female patients were recorded as being attracted to other females only, 21.1 per cent were bisexual, and only 8.5 per cent were listed as heterosexual. Among adolescent male patients, 42.3 per cent were attracted only to other males, 38 per cent were bisexual, and only 19.2 per cent said they were attracted only to females.

As I mentioned at the committee hearing, I am aware of troubling accounts that some clinicians are hesitant to work in gender identity services. I take this extremely seriously. As detailed in the interim report of the Cass Review, primary and secondary care staff have stated that they feel under pressure to adopt an unquestioning affirmative approach, which is at odds with the standard process of clinical assessment and diagnosis that they have been trained to undertake.

Dr Natasha Prescott, a former GIDS clinician reported in her exit interview from the Tavistock that “there is increasing concern that gender-affirmative therapy, if applied unthinkingly, is reparative therapy against gay individuals, i.e. by making them straight” and Dr Matt Bristow, a former GIDS clinician, reported to [journalist] Hannah Barnes that he came to feel that GIDS was performing “conversion therapy for gay kids.”

In a survey of 100 detransitioners, the experience of homophobia or difficulty accepting themselves as lesbian, gay, or bisexual was expressed by 23 per cent of respondents as a reason for transition and subsequent detransition. As German gender clinicians have noted: “it must be understood that early hormone therapy may interfere with the patient’s development as a homosexual. This may not be in the interest of patients who, as a result of hormone therapy, can no longer have the decisive experiences that enable them to establish a homosexual identity.”

Video: “We are seeing almost an epidemic of young gay children being told that they are trans and being put on a medical pathway”—Kemi Badenoch, December 2023

“The evidence is clear. The vast majority of young people being put onto irreversible medical pathways are attracted to their own sex. This is modern gay conversion therapy.”—LGB Alliance, 8 February 2024

--

Documents and commentary

Ms Badenoch’s complete letter. The Daily Telegraph’s news report. Writer Ben Appel on the “new homophobia”. Philosopher Holly Lawford-Smith on “transing the gay away”. Endocrinologist Roy Eappen on gender-affirming care and gay kids. Author Allan Stratton on “automatic trans affirmation” and children confused about same-sex attraction. Psychiatrist Alexander Korte on puberty blockers and sexual identity development.

--

The Rt Hon Kemi Badenoch MP Minister for Women & Equalities Secretary of State for Business & Trade President of the Board of Trade

Data on gender identity services

The Committee asked about data on the significant rise in referrals of young people to gender identity clinics. NHS England report that in 2021/22 there were over 5,000 referrals into the Gender Identity Development Service (GIDS) run by the Tavistock and Portman NHS Foundation Trust. This compares to just under 250 referrals in 2011/12. The Cass Review reported there were approximately 50 referrals per annum in 2009 meaning that referrals have risen since then by 10,000%.1 The Cass Review also noted that in 2020 referrals stood at 2,500 per annum, meaning that the rise to 5,000 in the most recent year represents a doubling in a single year. As I said in my evidence session, this trend represents an explosion in numbers of referrals.

I committed to providing further details on the evidence that children likely to grow up to be gay (same sex attracted) might be subjected to conversion practices on the basis of gender identity rather than their sexual orientation. Both prospective and retrospective studies have found a link between gender non conformity in childhood and someone later coming out as gay.2 A young person and their family may notice that they are gender nonconforming earlier than they are aware of their developing sexual orientation. If gender non-conformity is misinterpreted as evidence of being transgender and a child is medically affirmed the child may not have had a chance to identify, come to terms with or explore a same-sex orientation.

The strong link between same sex attraction and a transgender identity has been discussed in the relevant academic literature for many years. The Dutch founders of medical gender transition for adolescents wrote in 1999 that (the language is their own):

“Not all children with GID (Gender Identity Disorder) turn out to be transsexuals after puberty… Prospective studies of GID boys show that this phenomenon is more strongly related to later homosexuality than to later transsexualism. These findings are in accordance with retrospective studies that have shown that male and female homosexuals recall more cross-gendered behaviour in childhood than male and female heterosexuals.”3

In 2012, one of the same authors also found a clear pattern emerging: “Follow-up studies have demonstrated that only a small proportion of gender dysphoric children become transsexual at a later age, that a much larger proportion have a homosexual sexual orientation without any gender dysphoria.”4

The most recent reported data from GIDS in England demonstrates that older patients expressing a sexual orientation were overwhelmingly not heterosexual. 67.7% of adolescent female patients were recorded as being attracted to other females only, 21.1% were bisexual, and only 8.5% were listed as heterosexual. Among adolescent male patients, 42.3% were attracted only to other males, 38% were bisexual, and only 19.2% said they were attracted only to females.5

As I mentioned at the Committee hearing, I am aware of troubling accounts that some clinicians are hesitant to work in gender identity services. I take this extremely seriously. As detailed in the interim report of the Cass Review, primary and secondary care staff have stated that they feel under pressure to adopt an unquestioning affirmative approach, which is at odds with the standard process of clinical assessment and diagnosis that they have been trained to undertake.

Dr Natasha Prescott, a former GIDS clinician reported in her exit interview from the Tavistock that ‘there is increasing concern that gender affirmative therapy, if applied unthinkingly, is reparative therapy against gay individuals, i.e. by making them straight’ and Dr Matt Bristow, a former GIDS clinician, reported to Hannah Barnes that he came to feel that GIDS was performing ‘conversion therapy for gay kids.’6 In a survey of 100 detransitioners, the experience of homophobia or difficulty accepting themselves as lesbian, gay, or bisexual was expressed by 23% of respondents as a reason for transition and subsequent detransition.7 As German gender clinicians have noted:

"it must be understood that early hormone therapy may interfere with the patient's development as a homosexual. This may not be in the interest of patients who, as a result of hormone therapy, can no longer have the decisive experiences that enable them to establish a homosexual identity." 8

During our evidence session you also asked me if there is a pattern being established specifically around girls with autism and transition. In its June 2023 statement, NHS England noted the rise in autistic young people seeking gender transition:

"Marked changes in the types of patients being referred which are not well understood. There has been a dramatic change in the case mix of referrals from predominantly birthregistered males to predominantly birth-registered females presenting with gender incongruence in early teen years. Additionally, a significant number of children are also presenting with neurodiversity and other mental health needs and risky behaviours which requires careful consideration and needs to be better understood.”

Many studies have reported that autistic people are over-represented in gender clinic populations, including a recent study noting "evidence of an increased rate of autism in adults and young people accessing gender clinics internationally, ranging from 5% to 26%".9 Authors have cautioned that this represents a challenge to the affirmative model:

The Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders published a 2018 study which found ‘autistic traits appear to be more prevalent in transgender people assigned female at birth’.10

9.4% of adolescent Dutch gender patients were autistic. Autistic patients were reported to be on a range of gender-affirming pathways, including on puberty blockers, gender-affirming hormones, and having undergone sex reassignment surgery.11

The Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders in 2012 published a study which found that nearly 30% of transgender men (natal females) were autistic compared with only 2% of non-transgender females.12

Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Mental Health in 2015 published a study which found that 26 % of adolescent sex reassignment applicants were diagnosed to be on the autism spectrum which far exceeded the prevalence of 6/1000 for the general population. The authors concluded ‘autism spectrum needs to be taken seriously in considering treatment guidelines for child and adolescent gender dysphoria’.13

There is also significant evidence young people with gender dysphoria are more likely:

to have associated difficulties including non-suicidal self-harm, suicidal ideation, suicide attempts, attention deficit hyper- activity disorder (ADHD), symptoms of anxiety, psychosis, eating difficulties, bullying and to have experienced abuse (i.e. physical, psychological/emotional, sexual abuse and neglect). These findings were from a cross-sectional study of 218 children and adolescents with features of gender dysphoria referred to the GIDS in London during 2012. In 2014, the three most common associated difficulties in GIDS’ patients were: bullying, low mood or depression and self-harming – found in 47, 42 and 39% of the cases respectively.14

To be looked after. A study of 185 young people referred to GIDS over a 2-year period (1 April 2009 to 1 April 2011) found looked after young people represented 4.9% of referrals, which is significantly higher than within the English general population (0.58 %).’15

To have experienced difficult life events. A study of children presenting to a multidisciplinary gender service in Australia found a prevalence of adverse childhood experiences including family conflict (65.8%), parental mental illness (63.3%), loss of important figures via separation (59.5%). The study also identified high rates of comorbid mental health disorders: anxiety (63.3 %), depression (62.0%), behavioural disorders (35.4%), and autism (13.9%).16

Following the interim report, NHS England is setting up a new clinical model for children and young people experiencing gender incongruence and gender dysphoria. We are expecting the final Cass Review to be published shortly, which will include further recommendations in this area.

[ Full letter, including unrelated business and referenced sources: https://committees.parliament.uk/publications/43255/documents/215243/default/ ]