I hope demons have sayings that sound really weird and messed up to humans, just as there are many diverse sayings across varying human languages that don't always translate easily.
---01
Lucifer looked up warily as you entered his office before breathing a sigh of relief. "I thought you were Mammon, here to give me another headache."
You strided over to his desk to take a peek at what he was working on. It looked boring. "We both know you love your little brother. What could be so bad this time?"
Lucifer buried his eyes in his hands, brushing his hair aside with the tail end of a pen. "He's been gnawing on my toenails all week."
You coughed in surprise, smacking your chest to loosen up the muscles so that clarifying questions could be asked. "What? Why? How?"
"Just general Mammon buffoonery as usual. For some reason he's especially persistent this week."
"I have literally never seen Mammon chewing on toenails..." Your lip curled back in disgust just imagining it. "Has he... done this before?"
"What?" Lucifer narrowed his eyes, puzzled. "Oh." His gaze softened once he realized what was happening and he huffed in amusement. "Mammon hasn't actually been gnawing on my toenails. It means he's getting on my nerves, as you might say."
You clasped your hands together and sighed, letting a wave of relief wash over you. "Please. Just say that next time."
----02
"C'mon, c'mon! If ya move any slower I'm gonna exfoliate Diavolo!"
You were running as fast as you could, despite Mammon being the reason for your tardiness. You didn't have much to lose, but Mammon could be in deep trouble for missing another morning class.
You wheezed and almost ran into him, not realizing he kindly came back to carry you. "Wh..." After a few deep breaths, you choked out your question. "You're gonna what? To Diavolo?"
Mammon thrust his bag in your arms in a rush and picked you up instead. He spoke as he began running, "yeah. He's gonna have my neck if I'm late again!"
"I get that, but is Barbatos gonna make you wash him...? Or...?"
"Wha? Are you still half asleep? Is that why you're runnin' so slow?"
You leaned your head back against his upper arm to stare up at him in frustration. He couldn't ignore your pouty face inches from his own. Mammon's ears grew red. "Knock it off!"
"Tell me what you mean!" you ordered.
Mammon growled and ran even faster. "What do you mean? I'm just tryna get us to class!"
---03
You scooted your seat closer to Leviathan. He perked right up and froze as you approached to whisper in his ear.
"Levi, XYZ."
"W-w-what? Is that a code?"
"No, XYZ. PDQ."
He reached for a pen and began noting the letters down. "P... D... Q... Got it. What's next?"
You shook your head. "No, Levi, your barn door is open."
"What game are we talking about? I haven't picked up Moondrop Basin in a few weeks."
You made a zipping-up motion with your hand. "Your fly!"
"Oh." Leviathan ruffled the back of his hair and swatted the air around his head. "Is it gone now? I didn't see any bugs."
Though reluctant to be so blunt, you were out of euphemisms. "Levi, your pants' zipper is open."
With an "eep!" he turned away to fix his problem. It took a few seconds. In his haste, the zipper kept getting stuck. He was mad when he turned back around, his face colored crimson. "Why didn't you just tell me? Without turning it into... into some game!"
"I did! XYZ, PDQ, That's what we say in the human world! Examine your zipper, quick!"
"That's so dumb!" he seethed, punching his knee. "What a spumid flaming cabbage. Your sayings are so weird."
---04
"Ready for the next one?"
"Hit me," you told Satan.
He grimaced from across the desk, raising his eyes from the paper to look at you in concern. "What? No, I'm not going to do that."
"Not literally, it's a human saying. It means 'give it to me,' or something like that."
"Oh." Satan jotted that down in the margins of his own notes before reading off the next phrase on his list. "This is one of my favorites. It's a colorful saying, but if you're really mad at someone you can call them a snot-cobbling banshee. I like to say this while cursing their next three generations."
You wrote that down. "How often do you use this saying?"
"Not too often. Well, maybe once a week with my brothers. It goes along with this next phrase which implies someone is dangerously stupid. Barbed dingbat."
You nodded. You were truly learning so much on this cultural exchange program.
---05
Asmodeus came into the kitchen as you were preparing dinner and wrapped his arms around your neck. He looked exhausted.
"Careful, I've got a knife, don't want to accidentally nick you," you warned. "What's up? Long day?"
"Like you wouldn't believe." Asmodeus peeped over your shoulder to look at the vegetables you were cutting. "I'm so glad you're home. You know, all day, all I could think about was..."
He proceeded to say some incredibly vulgar things. Detailed depictions of debauchery. Irredeemable acts of indecency that cannot be repeated on this blog. It made you put the knife down in a tizzy.
"Are those more demon idioms?" You snickered awkwardly and wiped your hands on a towel. "I've been learning about your sayings recently. Can't say I've heard those ones yet."
"What? Oh, no." Asmodeus lifted your hand, raising it to his lips to lick a stray fleck of vegetable skin off your fingertip. "These aren't sayings, this is just stuff I've wanted to do all day."
---06
"I could just eat you up."
This was something Beelzebub said often, and something he repeated again today. His hands were occupied with a fresh four-pounder with cheese, but his eyes kept drifting from it to watch you shoot paper balls into a wastebasket.
"You know, humans have the same saying. Isn't that funny?" You bounced up to grab some of the wads on the floor that didn't make it into the basket, to try again.
Beelzebub swallowed the mass in his mouth. "Really?" he asked between bites. "I thought you guys stopped doing cannibalism, mostly."
"Uh." You missed your throw. What should have been an easy shoot bounced off the edge and rolled away from the wastebasket. "Yeah, we did. Just so we're on the same page, you're saying I'm cute, right?"
Beelzebub was concerningly quiet as he chewed.
---07
"Are you on your way back to class?" Belphegor stopped you in the hall. You hadn't even seen him there on the ground, curled up next to a shady pillar.
"Skipping class again?" you asked. "I thought you liked magic theory."
"Maybe," he yawned. "It's too easy sometimes."
Belphegor fished around in his pocket for a second before pulling out a tightly folded-up sheet of paper. He offered it up. "Can you turn this in for me? I don't want my grades dropping over late homework."
"Sure thing, but it might be better to turn it in yourself. I heard Barbatos is doing random checks in all classes this week. He'll notice you missing."
"Nah." Belphegor's head drooped down as he prepared to doze off again. "If you see him, just tell him I'm being flerchen in the garden."
That sounded innocent enough. "Okay. What does that mean?"
"Means I've got the sniffles," he lied.
---08
Barbatos' eyes grew big and he placed a hand over his heart, furthering crumpling Belphegor's homework sheet in the process. He looked around to make sure nobody overheard before leaning in. "I must ask that you never say that again."
Behind him, Diavolo's palm was clasped over his mouth as he struggled not to draw attention with loud guffaws. He had his back to the classroom, shoulders shaking uncontrollably.
"Why not?" You nervously shifted from one foot to another. You'd been had.
"It's not a topic I can explain here. Perhaps you and the Young Master should excuse yourselves for now. I'll come collect you both later."
Barbatos readily escorted you and Diavolo out of the room, shutting the door behind you so that class could begin without interruption.
"I'm just the messenger," you tried to defend yourself. Diavolo's fit of giggles was renewed. He grabbed on to your shoulder for stability while doubled over, trying to ride out the laughter.
"Did... did Belphegor tell you to say that?" He wiped a tear running down his face. You furiously nodded.
"Haha! Do you remember where he's hiding? I'd sure like to have a word with him."
You couldn't tell if Diavolo was going to praise Belphegor or tear him a new one. Perhaps a mix of both. However, the curiosity over what you said was overwhelming. You wanted to know the full extent of what it meant before seeing Belphegor again.
You decided to bargain with the prince. "I'll show you, but first you have to tell me what that means."
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honestly, people say sejanus was reckless only because they're seeing it from snow's pov. if sejanus was anyone else in the story, any other peacekeeper, would you have been like, uh, what is he doing, how dare he want to leave the district, how dare he want to buy guns to make sure he's safe, how dare he want to be away from the capitol's influence, how dare he want to make a life for himself away from cruelty and oppression
yes, he was naive, and he also was 18, but nothing that he did seems that crazy to me? if anything, he had allies and plans, he had guns, he was gonna run. snow poked and poked at him and prodded and sejanus told him about it bc he trusted him. coriolanus "i don't wanna hear about it" snow then don't fucking ask about it
sejanus never asked coriolanus to go with him up til then, never asked for help, he told him he didn't need him to rescue him; he distanced himself some and what does snow do? go and be all up in his business instead of distancing himself too. "they know we're friends" shut up coriolanus snow sejanus was also friends with all their other bunkmates and other people, were they gonna kill everyone? what evidence did they have that snow knew about sejanus wanting to flee? none.
i doubt that was the first time a peacekeeper was a rebel and i don't think they decided to kill all peacekeepers when one managed to escape. i find it unlikely snow couldn't have found a way out of it, but he was so paranoid so i do objectively understand his reaction. that's what he does all through the book, obsesses and spirals and overthinks. but sejanus running away was hardly a death sentence for snow. when they hanged arlo lil was jailed and was gonna be killed bc she protested. not just bc she knew arlo. and obviously snow was an excellent actor and liar, could have weaseled his way out of it when again, there was NO evidence that he knew anything about sejanus' plans
what i'm saying is betraying sejanus was by far not his only choice. but snow was so paralyzingly obsessive and paranoid he resorted to something drastic. i understand why he did what he did bc i understand the character, what i don't understand is why people agree with him
sejanus had to die bc he wanted a better life for himself and others. that's how it comes off.
also: to change the world was not the responsibility of a 18 year old boy. if he was completely selfish and just wanted to run away for himself i'd have still rooted for him. but he also wanted to, as he said, stop endangering snow, and he was also talking that he'll think about something to help the districts somehow. he just couldn't deal with the cruelty anymore. holding a gun every day and witnessing people being executed and hanged for nothing and not being able to study medicine because he was too good of a shot, ironically.
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I never understood the gay Luke Skywalker concept
This sounds strange, I know, but I'm not talking about Luke simply being gay in people's headcanons. That's totally okay (if his characterisation is still on point and he is not some stereotypical soft gay femboy uwu without any other character trait than that), after all, in the movies we don't get to know his sexual orientation (besides that little crush on Leia) and the new Canon is also not clear, so it's excepted that there will be many different kind of interpretations.
What I don't understand is the common, really popular 'Just look at him, he is sooo gay' fandom thing.
Because, and maybe it's just my observation, but he behaves in the most avarage, (stereo)typical heterosexual way.
Of course just because somebody behaves the typical heterosexual way, he can still be gay, almost every gay man I know are like that. But avarage, typical heterosexual looking/behaving people aren't called gay by tons of people normally. There is nothing on them that can be the base to 'he is so gay'.
So back to Luke, and don't forget, as I said, this is just my observation! He is the most avarage 19 years old straight boy to me, at least his behaviour, he still could be gay unrelated to those. He lives at a farm, where he does the usual farm works, he likes to do mechanic stuff as a hobby, he also shoots womprats in his free time and goes on speeding races with his friends. His biggest dream is to go to the Imperial Academy to became a pilot. He can't stop thinking about his father, he wants to be just like him. The moment he sees Leia, he is mesmerized by her beauty and imediately wants to save her. Later it's more clear that he has a little crush on her. Then he joins the Rebellion and becames a good freedom fighter soldier, leading his squadron, going on mission, being an ace pilot etc. He wears the typical farmer clothes and then he wears standard issue soldier clothes and then he wears basic jedi clothes. His gesture, his posture etc. are Mark Hamill's, who IS the avarage straight guy.
(Don't get me started on his relationship with Han, Biggs or Wedge! I mean, you can ship them, I don't like these, but don't have problem with other people shipping it. Just please, don't forget that MEN CAN ALSO HAVE PHYSICALLY, EMOTIONALLY AFFECTIONATE PLATONIC FRIENDSHIPS! Don't be a neighbourhood in the 50s seeing the two boys, who are good friends, smiling at each other and going feral that they must be a couple; even though yours and the neighbourhoods's feelings about this relationship are obviously the complete opposite.)
So shortly, as I already said, I understand why such a big part of fandom headcanons Luke Skywalker gay (the lack of clear sexual orientation in the movies and/or Canon), but I absolutely don't see why such a big part of fandom says 'Just look at him, he MUST be gay'.
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What are your thoughts on the OM! Brothers with a Christian s/o? They don't openly say it, but Simon and Luke know because they are super faithful? And they wear a cross necklace?
That's a really interesting question actually. I'd be most curious about what's going on in the significant other's head, because all they'll learn about the Devildom and the Celestial Realm and demons and angels will probably make it extremely difficult for that person to maintain their faith in the same way that they did before.
In particular, if they have accepted a demon enough to actually become his partner, then they must not view demons the same way that they did before.
Actually, even beyond their relationship with a demon, I'd be REALLY interested in their interactions with angels. The kinds of questions they'd ask, the sort of crisis of faith it would stir up, all the inconsistencies between biblical scripture and the reality they're experiencing.
For reasons that are pretty obvious, the game makers haven't touched the concept of Jesus with a ten foot pole, but our hypothetical Christian sure would. What about that guy? Didn't he die to save us from original sin?
And depending on the answers they get to that question, they may or may not be able to continue identifying as a Christian.
I'm assuming that they have spent enough time in the Devildom around the brothers and angels that they don't doubt the legitimacy of either party. The only way I can imagine them getting past the sheer cognitive dissonance of having a faith that conflicts with their reality would be if they thought the angels weren't actually angels. Whatever they are, they're not from heaven, they don't have any information on the big guy upstairs; they're telling lies and trying to deceive them.
I'm really invested in this question now. How does a Christian fall in love with a demon, enter an actual relationship with said demon, and reconcile all that with a faith that is centered on the dichotomy of good and evil as two forces in perpetual opposition? They simply couldn't continue identifying as Christian, could they? Especially if they're dating someone who was literally kicked out of Heaven by God.
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"On behalf of my lady, we're honored to be invited to the Unseelie, Your Majesty," a bow was given before the royal before silver eyes met a glittering one.
To which, Balmoral chuckled, "Och, so formal. We've known each other long, huvnae we? Though ah suppose this is the first meeting with your new name. Donovan, wasnae?"
"Indeed, on both accounts. However, I would still like to be able to address you properly at least once. After all, King Balmoral, this is our first meeting since your coronation. And while I unfortunately could not attend, I still consider it a celebration see the Unseelie in your hands," he said, placing a respectful kiss along the other's gloved hand.
The king chuckled, "Flattery gets you nowhere."
"Then it is fortunate that I have more than words at my disposal," Donovan remarked, look up from his bowed place before rising to meet Balmoral head on, "While it is good to see you, Bal, I'm a bit surprised to have you specifically invite me for the festivities. You've been going for a little by now, surely you don't have another war to wage so soon?"
"Naw, nothing like thon," Balmoral assured him, "but if ah were, ah widnae trouble you so soon."
"Nonsense, Lady Aleksandra is fond of you; the Maven has nothing but kudos for your extended hospitality; and of course, I am not against taking to a battlefield again if you are a player amongst it."
"And fall be indebted tae you again? Ah only jist paid your favor back," the fae quipped. Despite the jovial tone, that brought a pause to the phoenix. His favor? While it had been a while and Donovan assumed the other simply forgot...he also seemed to forget until this moment how a fae was bound by their word. Suddenly dazed, Donovan asked, "Is she--"
"She has been invited tae the Winter Revelry and attends as a part of the Seelie's delegation. Ah hae provided a place of her own within the Citadel and the Winter Palace. While ah find her skill superb fir my Court, ah cannae force her tae leave. So with thon ah fulfill my promise tae you, Donovan. As fir if she accepts, well, thon isnae fir me tae say, noo innit?"
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re: your tags on the jason’s anger post~
hard agree!! i will read reconciliation fics bc like… i do enjoy them getting to be a happy family/group but ultimately, i am firmly in the Jason Todd Was Right camp, &. serious work would need to be done for him to ever actually be part of the family again, bc the actual roots of his issues run DEEP. (and again! he has points!!)
and also same again on like… if i mention the batfamily dynamics in my fics, with the exception of au’s, jason’s relationship with bruce especially is still at least a little strained. he’s a member but also kind of an outsider and maybe he has complicated feelings on that sometimes but ultimately it’s bc his convictions / beliefs run deeper than his need /want of acceptance / belonging.
anyway sorry to dump a rant in your inbox but, i loved your tags & wanted to reply 💞
OUUGHH YES THO!! THANK YOU FOR RANTING, ALWAYS RANT IN MY INBOX STAY IN THIS SPACE WITH ME <333
(I'm about to have a mini-rant of my own, and disclaimer, it's largely informed by my terrible foundation of the UTRH movie + fandom osmosis + the occasional page/panel drop/arguments from other fans skdndndj sO GRAIN OF SALT THE SIZE OF RHODE ISLAND: )
Because yes yes absolutely! It would take serious work on Both sides for Jason to be brought back into the fold. They would both need to want it, and someone would have to be willing to bend on what they are ok with letting slide. Bruce would have to allow Jason his independence and divergence in philosophy; Jason would have to make concessions to Bruce's hard anti-murder stance.
There would have to be compromise, and reparations of some kind. They would have to actually talk and be able to listen. Apologies exchanged (mostly from Bruce because lmao) and a bunch of stuff people with the whole picture could probably tell me better lmao. ALL HARD ASKS
Because yes yes yes!! Jason's convictions and his beliefs ABSOLUTELY run deeper than his desire for acceptance. That's not-so-low-key the biggest obstacle for both him and Bruce in their ever reconciling. It's why Talia was able to manipulate him at all (idk the specifics of that, but details), it's why he hatched a deeply convoluted plan to get back at Bruce and the Joker and fuck over Black Mask in one fell swoop.
He wanted to confront Bruce with the consequences of letting Joker run around even after committing a deeply heinous and personal crime. Show him that taking a more intense and hands on approach and cracking down HARD on the crime families in Gotham would have more immediate results than what Bruce did. And that's not even getting into the Robin stuff yet lol
I don't personally agree per se with Jason's stance on murder and crime fighting lmao - but I also think he has a goddamn point, especially in this universe. In the world of batman, where death can be impermanent and supervillains pull all kinds of heinous, torturous bullshit, Jason has a lot of righteous and justified anger about how Bruce does things, on top of his hurt and betrayal over how both he and his death were treated.
Bruce's stance makes sense to me too, in a 'everyone deserves a second chance' and 'no one is beyond redemption' and 'its a slippery slope' perspective. But at some point you have to wonder about accountability. About what's acceptable. When the Joker is an unrepentant, murderous, sadistic criminal who has demonstrated that he cannot be adequately jailed or rehabilitated, what do you do? Do you ever give up on him? When is enough enough? Is the death penalty ever justifiable?
It's what makes Jason vs Bruce's arguments interesting and tragic to me, because from Jason's perspective, he is seeking retribution for himself as a victim. He is an avenger for victims failed by the system as it stands. And the system fails a lot of people. It needs to change. (And it's something being felt very strongly by a lot of people rn IRL which makes Jason's ideals v sympathetic.)
But from Bruce's perspective, Jason has given up. He has lost hope in the inherent goodness of people. He no longer seeks to find the good in people; he has decided that there exists instead a sharp dichotomy, that there is such thing as a bad person who deserves to die for what they've done, and for being bad. As opposed to seeing deeply injured people who need help, even when you find them repulsive. Rotten work, that.
Bruce sees the end of the path that Jason is on, and it's a bullet that Jason puts in his own brain - because if there are good people and bad people, and bad people deserve to die... won't Jason lump himself in with the bad people eventually? (I am once again standing on my 'Jason Todd wants to die on some level' soapbox)
Anyway, all this to say - there is a sharp divide in Bruce and Jason's methods/beliefs that makes their reconciliation impossible if neither of them is willing to budge. And when they both see budging as a terrible thing to do, a failure to the very people they are dedicating their lives to protecting...well.
It's gonna take a lot of angst and a lot of work.
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