#... and avoid traumatic bodily and emotional harm

[mollysunder]

This is the worst lie Jinx has ever told herself.

Felicia's literally just Vi with a braid.

Now young Silco, that's just male Jinx with less baby fat, but we all know Jinx's face is only getting sharper.

Forget the Felicia, it's like the artists decided Silco was literally Jinx's only parent. The resemblance is still there even when Silco gets older.

You think anyone who knew Silco when he was young looked at Jinx and went, "yh that's Silco in blue".

[dailymanners]

With April Fool's day approaching, here are some basic prank guidelines if you want to be sure your prank isn't going too far and actually being a jerk instead of being funny:

First and foremost, definitely avoid anything that could result in bodily harm to the prankee and/or yourself.

Anything that causes severe emotional distress, like faking what would be a traumatic event if it was real. "___ died, April fool's no they didn't" or "I am divorcing you or breaking up with you, April fool's no I'm not." are cruel and going too far. If it could make them cry it's going too far.

Speaking of causing severe emotional distress, triggering phobias isn't funny. What's the difference between jumping around a corner and shouting "boo!" at your friend (who you know well enough that they'd be okay with this) vs. shoving a real live spider in the face of your arachnophobic friend while they cry and plead with you to get it away from them? With hopping around a corner and shouting "boo!" there is a second of their startle reflex being triggered, but then after a brief second of experiencing a startle reflex they quickly realize there's not actually anything to be afraid of, it's just their pal jumping and saying "boo!". With a spider in their face, that is something ongoing that is bringing them distress and alarm, if they have aracnophobia there is no "aha okay so there really is no danger" no, even if they logically know that a house spider can't actually hurt them their brain is still flooding them with "danger!! danger!!" signals and seriously distressing them, which isn't funny, and just makes you cruel and sadistic.

And speaking of "startle reflex" jokes and pranks, such as jumping out from around a corner and shouting "boo!", be careful with who you do this to. Not only do some people involuntarily hit people who startle them (so you could get yourself hurt from this), but not everyone finds these funny and in good taste. Especially if someone might have a heart condition or certain types of trauma. Sometimes close friends and family members are okay with doing these kinds of pranks to each other, but a lot of people don't like them and find them to be rude or even cruel. It would certainly be rude to do this to a stranger for the reasons listed above (potential heart conditions and/or PTSD)

Do not disrupt people trying to do their job and/or tamper with their ability to do their job. Do not call emergency services and try to prank emergency services, this could actually cost lives. Do not be mean to service workers and/or create messes and other unnecessary extra work for them. That is rude. They already have to deal with constant verbal abuse from customers all day every day and are not being paid enough to deal with that + you throwing a drink at them through the drive through window that they have to clean up now. I'm not going to say that pranking someone on the clock is always wrong/rude 100% of the time, I think there is some nuance here, especially between co-workers who are aware of each other's workload and what would be too disruptive. But you should never create extra unnecessary work for someone (such as cleaning up a mess you made) and you should never disrupt or tamper with their ability to carry out their job. And most of all, never be mean in your "pranking".

In general, a good rule of thumb for a good prank is that both the prankster and the prankee should be laughing and amused after the prank is completed and revealed. If the prank ends in only the prankster laughing and feeling amused while the prankee is upset / distressed / angry after the fact, I would personally categorize this more as bullying than pranking.

Please feel free to add on if anyone can thank of other guidelines for April Fool's pranks.

[acourtofthought]

Lol not some elriels trying to compare Lucien’s POV to Azriels POV and saying that why didn’t we think Lucien’s POV was disgusting like the way people thought Azriels pov was disgusting.

And I am like hello? Did you guys read Lucien pov at all or did you skip it and then read Azriels POV 50 times over to replace it. Because surely if you did then that won’t even be an argument in the first place. Literally all he thought was taste touch smell. Emotions that he couldn’t control by the way because I don’t know? Maybe Elain is his mate? Isn’t his natural instinct to want her? but also even after that thought he immediately cuts it off and is like no she’s barely eating let’s take care of her first and then he offers her a biscuit so she can eat. And what other thing happens? Oh yeah he goes on to think she is the most beautiful female he has ever seen. And you can tell that that particular thought is without push from the mating bond. So it’s really telling how he feels about her.

Now compare that to “I can’t wait to see her beautiful face when my dick enters her. First time he calls her beautiful in his POV by the way. If I remember correctly. (Don’t know if that’s accurate but my mind is telling me it is and if it is then wow) It probably reminds me of why I had a sick feeling reading that bonus chapter it felt so wrong and not in the sexy way.

The constant need for elriels to make Lucien out to be a perv when he is the most respectful to Elain to the point where she has the most agency with the bond even more than him is truly mind boggling.

It's actually really odd when some try to compare those two scenes as some sort of a "gotcha" in regards to E/riel.

Lucien had never officially met Elain before. He hadn't spoken to her, hadn't known anything about her. Literally, he had to find out she was engaged through Feyre and asked Feyre to "tell me about her" which indicates Feyre had not spoken all that much about Elain to Lucien before leaving the Spring Court. So when he was in the room with her for the very first time after the extremely traumatic situation with the King of Hybern and the Cauldron, for the first time after he spent months with a bond that snapped but not having the chance to be close to her, after fighting for his life without his powers to make sure she was safe, after entering the territory of what he always believed to be his enemy with one sister who held him back from seeing her and another who was actually threating bodily harm if he got close to her, it should be understandable that his emotions were a bit all over the place. And like you said, he shut down those instincts as quickly as he could to show respect to her. Remember, some males feel that their mate belongs to him yet here is Lucien acknowledging in his POV that just because she's his mate, he has no claim to her, that she wants someone else. And a guy not being able to breathe because you are the most beautiful female he's ever seen? Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular" This guy is STRUGGLING with guilt over the fact that his past love is dead because of him and how he feels like he's worth a whole lot of nothing yet here is this girl he just fought his way across the lands for and the first time he truly takes in her face he can't even catch his breath because she is just that stunning.

To recap: Lucien fought his way without powers to be by Elain's side (someone he'd never had a single conversation with), entering enemy territory to do so, knowing she's engaged and in love with someone else yet he still wanted to ensure her safety, battling back his instincts yet still completely blown over by her beauty.

Whereas Az avoided Elain for an entire year, after knowing her for nearly two, with nothing in the text showing he cared at all about how she was doing after her fights with Nesta, all because he couldn't handle the scent of a bond that she will always have regardless of whether she accepts or rejects it. If Az can't handle the scent of her bond now, what exactly would he do if they got together and he was forced to smell it every day of his life? "She'll find a way to break it and he'll no longer scent it!" Ok, so you're telling me Az only wants Elain so long as she can make it easier for him to tolerate being around her? Sounds like conditional love to me. On top of that, Az didn't spare Elain a single thought outside of what she could offer to him. Not, "wow, she's come so far since being made fae" or "I'm so proud of her for standing up to Nesta" or "I wonder how she's doing with her father's death". Just "she got me a gift and didn't get Lucien one" and "she knows why I haven't come to dinners" and "I masterbate to her and wonder what her O face looks like".

It's not the sex part of things that is the problem, it's that is was sex and nothing else. It's that Az was focused on himself and not her. It's Az not bothering to be there for Elain, not being willing to put his own issues to the side for HER regardless of how hard it would be for him, it's Az not giving Elain credit for anything she's done as an individual (stabbing the King, standing up for herself, getting to know the fae in Velaris that she's helping with their gardens, her friendships with the wraiths).

Az with Elain reads as selfish (I mean, the text specifically tells us that he'll take just a taste and that would be it which again means he had zero plans of being there to support her after he took what he wanted) whereas Lucien with Elain read as selfless (he only gave regardless of whether he would get anything in return).

Boiling it down to "they have a problem with sex but only when it comes to this ship!" is being willfully ignorant. If Az had a single thought of Elain demonstrating respect her for her than we wouldn't be having this conversation but when he has never given her credit for a single thing that she's done that didn't involve him (Oh she got ME a present!!! Oh she knows why I don't come to dinners!), it's ok to feel disturbed by his behavior. Especially when this is the same guy who only a few chapters before listened to her say that people don't get to tell her what she can or can't do then proceeded to say she shouldn't be helping with finding the trove after she volunteered to do so.

[rook-apologist]

Dragon Age and Trauma

(Trigger Warning: Discussion of Death)

(Major Spoilers Warning)

----------------------

One thing that I haven't seen talked about in reference to Veilguard's story is how triggering it could be to people that have had the unfortunate experience of witnessing the death of a loved one/closed friend.

I love this game's story, and the characters you meet have been some of my favorites ever put forward by BioWare.

Sadly, due to the nature of the plot, you are put in the position of having to watch at least one of them die in a pretty horrific way to stop a greater evil. If you finished the game, you already know what I am referring too.

This is especially tough if one of these characters is your primary romance option, as the hurt is amplified by the attachment you have made with them throughout your journey.

At the risk of over sharing, I will say that in my life I have had the misfortune of witnessing death and severe bodily harm affect people that I care about. And while I will forever sing this game's praises, and fight tooth and nail to see that it gets the roses it deserves, I have to admit that it did trigger me into re-experiencing the same emotions I had during these real life traumatic events.

While the narrative does an excellent job at addressing how a person would heal from grief caused by the death of a close friend/loved one, it can still be incredibly distressing.

Please remember to be considerate when discussing or posting about heavier moments like this, and continue to use proper warnings to avoid negatively impacting other people who struggle like this.

[nursingwriter]

Sexual Child Abuse Child sexual abuse involves a broad range of sexual behaviors that take place between a child and an older person. These sexual behaviors are planned to erotically stir the older person, commonly without concern for the consequences, choices, or outcome of the behavior upon the child. Definite conducts that are sexually offensive frequently involve bodily contact, such as in the state of sexual kissing, touching, fondling of genitals, and oral, anal, or vaginal contact. Nevertheless, behaviors might be sexually abusive even if they do not entail contact, such as in the case of genital exposure, verbal force for sex, and sexual abuse for purposes of prostitution or pornography. For Definitions propose four main types of child abuse (physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and child neglect), but seldom if ever does one form of abuse happen alone. The suggestion in itself is illogical. Physical abuse and sexual exploitation never occur in the absence of emotional abuse. Children who are sexually abused regularly experience physical harm. When one form of abuse does exist in absence of others, it is expected to be emotional abuse. Sexual Abuse: Effects on Children The strongest sign that a child has been sexually abused are unsuitable awareness about sex, inappropriate sexual attention, and sexual acting out. (APA, 1995) The effects of abuse are consequence from the abuse itself, from the family's reaction to the condition, and from the stigmatization, that is associated with abuse. The signs can include post-traumatic symptoms, sexualization, depression, angst, shame, panic, sexual dysfunction, dissociative indicators, eating disorders, substance misuse, prostitution, regressive behaviors and academic and behavior problems. (APA, 1995) Issues that impact the result in cases of childhood sexual abuse consist of the age of the victim, the regularity and degree of the abuse, the connection of the victim to the abuser, the use of force, the occurrence of severe injury, and the number of different perpetrators.(Goldman et al., 1982) The response of the victim's family has a tremendous effect on the result. sympathetic reactions from the victim's family and friends can go far to reduce the effect of the abuse while negative responses will compound the harm done. Emotional Effects despite of the fundamental reasons of the impact of sexual abuse, the tribulations are very real for victims and their families. moreover, fresh efforts to recognize the impact of sexual abuse have gone further than clinical impressions and case studies. They are rooted upon research result. Finkelhor, whose conceptualization of the traumatic effects of sexual abuse is the most extensively in use, divides it into four broad types, each having varied psychological and behavioral effects. (Finkelhor, 1986) Traumatic sexualization. Included in the psychological outcomes of traumatic sexualization are unenthusiastic feelings about sex, overrating sex, and sexual identity problems. Behavioral expressions of traumatic sexualization constitute a variety of hypersexual manners as well as evading of sexual encounters. Stigmatization. General psychological signs of stigmatization are what Sgroi labels "damaged goods syndrome" (Sgroi, 1982) and thoughts of guilt and blame for the abuse or the cost of disclosure. These feelings are displayed in self-destructive behaviors such as substance abuse, risk-taking exploits, self-mutilation, suicidal actions and acts, and violent behavior designed to bring forth punishment. Betrayal. Possibly the most primary damage from sexual abuse is its discouragement of trust in those people who are expected to be protectors and nurturers. Other psychological impressions of betrayal include resentment and borderline functioning. Behavior that suggests to this trauma includes avoidance of investment in others, influencing others, renewing the trauma through subsequent involvement in exploitive and damaging relationships, and engaging in angry and acting-out behaviors. Powerlessness. The psychological effect of the trauma of helplessness includes both an awareness of susceptibility and victimization and a yearning to control or prevail, frequently by empathy with the aggressor. As with the trauma of disloyalty, behavioral expressions may imply violence and exploitation of others. On the other hand, the vulnerability effect of incapacity may be responses, like dissociation and running away; anxieties, including fears, sleep disorders and eating problems; and re-victimization. Developmental Effects The developmental effects of abuse can be distinguished in terms of loss of affection, condensed self-worth and less interpersonal relationships. There may also be problems of greatly sexualized or highly hostile behavior, substance use, dissociation, self-injury, or other dysfunctional ways of dealing with strain and unease. In Erikson's Psychosocial Theory, there are eight phases of development, from birth until death. The Psychosocial development of the persons depends on the social relations at the time. A inference is that the growth of the child should not be damaged during pre-adolescence or puberty. There are three key stages in Erikson's theory that follow with this conclusion. The first stage is reliance vs. mistrust. This stage takes place during the first year of life. The important relationship is with the mother. The positive outcome is trust. If a child is mistreated during this time, the trust in the abuser, is misunderstood. The child still feels devotion and love for the abuser, but does not in fact comprehend what is happening. The confusion from the child leads up to the next stage, which is independence vs. humiliation and uncertainty. This stage occurs when the child is two years old. The major bond the child has is with the parents. If a child is sexually battered during this stage, they will feel abandoned and also feel embarrassment and doubt. They will feel shame since they do not understand what is happening. The doubt takes place because they are doubtful of the sexual acts and do not know what is right and what is wrong. The embarrassment and reservation lead to the third stage, which is initiative vs. guilt. The child is three to five years old during this time. The major relationship is with the basic family. At this point, the conclusion is that the family may begin to deduce that something is wrong, and the child may become closer to the mother and farther apart from the father, who would be the probable abuser. The encouraging result in this stage is reason and direction, when the child comprehends that the abuse is wrong and becomes closer to the mother. The child comprehends a sense of wrong of the takes action. The distinctive age range for a child to be sexually abused is from ages seven to thirteen. However, a child can be abused at any age, not just during that time period. Erikson has more stages in his Psychosocial Theory, but these three phases were the stages that child sexual abuse is most likely to occur. Short-Term Effects There are numerous short-term effects that a child experiences, psychologically, emotionally, and physically. According to Dr. Patricia McClendon, "Approximately 40% of all victims/survivors suffer aftereffects serious enough to require therapy in adulthood."..whether being short-term effects or long-term effects, all effects of the exploitation are grave enough to encourage therapy.(McClendon, 1991) The short-term effects of child sexual abuse are few and not as damaging to the child as the long-term effects are. By the short-term effects after the sexual abuse has taken place, the child will feel some things for a short time and feel other things throughout their entire lives, often contradictory feelings and views, which is certainly long-term. Children feel uneasy, angry, scared, and apprehensive before, during, and after the abuse has transpired, according to the National Association of Social Worker's Journal, volume 42, #2.(NASW News, 1997) Nevertheless, they only feel these emotions for a short time and then they get used to these feelings if the abuse is continuing. The child victims also have nightmares, troubles in school, and feel miserable and ill-tempered. These problems can be addressed and do not last a long time if they are taken care of right away, or as soon as possible. Long-Term Effects The long-term effects last all through the child's life and are more psychologically destructive to their well-being. Concludes Kathleen Berger. "The long-term effects impair the child's ability to develop normally." If the abuse is continuing, the child is further prone to be in an violent relationship as an adult. It is also difficult for the victim to found a trust and/or connection with anyone, mainly with older adult. subsequently, while the abuser is for the most part is liable to be older, the injured party may date older men, double their age, as they be reminiscent them of the abuser. They do not have faith in them completely, but they still feel devotion and love for older men. This is only in the situation where victims are young girls who were abused by their fathers. Stepfathers are also a common as abusers, the girl might also have an abnormal outlook on sexuality, and may be uncertain about her sexual orientation as she develops and ages into an adult (Berger, 1998). A number of other psychological costs are drug and alcohol abuse, becoming sexually active at a young age, and revolt in school, with their counterparts, or authority figures. Victims are also more liable to become suspended, expelled, or drop out of school. Eating complaints are frequent, as well as suicide and dejection, running away from home, and engaging into relationships that are more abusive is also common. In the end, the child victim may become child abusers themselves, or, paradoxically, prostitutes. The only bodily damages that a child gets are modifications in the genital or anal area. The child may make declarations that their bodies are hurt or dirty...throughout their entire lives. Some common characteristics are, seductive behavior, secretiveness, violence, fear of intimacy, self-destruction, and finally, separation and/or alienation. Despite the fact that those physical damages can be severe, they can be healed, while the psychological scars could last a lifetime. Laws that have been Passed to Reduce Child Abuse Megans Law The parents of 7-year-old Megan Kanka of Hamilton Township did not know that a twice-convicted sex offender was living across the street until that person was charged with the vicious rape and murder of their daughter. The offense -- happening only months after a related occurrence in Monmouth County -- impelled passage of state laws obliging warning about sex offenders who may cause a risk to the community. New Jersey's law, commonly known as "Megan's Law," necessitates convicted sex offenders to register with local police. Megan's Law also sets up a three-tier warning process to supply information about offenders to law enforcement outfits and, when suitable, to the public. The type of notification is established on an assessment of the risk to the community from a specific offender. The Attorney General's Office, in consultation with a special 12-member council, has make available to county prosecutors, who must make that appraisal, with the factors to be used in determining the level of risk posed by the offender. Geared up with the descriptions and whereabouts of high risk sex offenders, communities will be better able to protect their children. Judicial Systems Legal experts have an extensive range of responsibilities depending on whom they represent and the stage of a judicial proceeding. Among other things, they might organize caseworkers, expert witnesses, and other witnesses to testify in court proceedings. Prosecutors guarantee that criminal action is in line with child protection proceedings. They ensure the child is ready for trial and supplied with advocacy services as needed; assist the court in shaping a sentence when there has been a conviction; and, take part in multi-disciplinary team meetings when needed. Guardian Ad Litems, legal counsel for children and court selected special advocates, make certain that the needs and interests of the child are protected; decide the child's treatment needs; and make possible a speedy resolution to the case when possible. Family court judges give emergency protective orders, as required; work to swiftly resolve all cases of abuse; know appropriate case law and correct the court process to deal with individual victims; support the development of community resources for abused children and their families. Court employees help ensure that victims and families are dealt with sympathetically all through the judicial process and identify possible child maltreatment cases pending before the court for other reasons. Other experts frequently become drawn in child abuse cases. Among them are educators, members of the clergy, and other support givers. American Psychological Association. (October, 1999) Understanding Child Sexual Abuse: Education, Prevention, and Recovery. American Psychological Association Web Site.. Berger, Kathleen Strassen. (1998). The developing person through the life span. New York: Worth. D. Finkelhor and A. Browne.(1986)."The Effects of Sexual Abuse," in D. Finkelhor et al., eds., Sourcebook on Child Sexual Abuse. Newbury Park, CA: Sage. F. Porter, L. Blick, and S. Sgroi.(1982). "Treatment of the Sexually Abused Child," in S. Sgroi, ed., Handbook of Clinical Intervention in Child Sexual Abuse. Lexington, MA: Lexington Books. Goldman, L., Horan, D., Warshaw, C., Kaplan, S, and M. Hendricks-Matthews. (October, 1995). Diagnostic and Treatment Guidelines on Mental Health Effects of Family Violence. American Medical Association Web Site. McClendon, Patricia D. November (1991). MSSW candidate. Incest/sexual abuse of children. Internet. p.23. Available: http://www.clinicalsocialwork.com/incest.html National Association of Social Worker News. (1997, February). States eye domestic abuse welfare option. NASW News, Volume 42, #7, pp11. Read the full article

[prorubbishremovaluk]

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[stokesy55]

You know, even I'm doing a Psychology minor at school, and the topic we have for this semester is different types of social relationships. Even we covered attachment styles back in August, and I love the headcanon of VK being dismissive avoidant in omegaverse, it makes very much sense.

And today, even we discussed a topic that was very relevant to Pat/Virat 🤣🤣 We were doing Sternberg's Theory of Love, and Types of Love in class today. According to Sternberg, love has three components: intimacy, which is characterized by emotional and intellectual closeness, passion, which is characterized by bodily arousal, and commitment, which is characterized by a conscious and constant decision to stay with each other. Then we started discussing why some individuals are afraid of commitment. And it's often because commitment entails responsibility and accountability. Once you're committed, you are responsible in ensuring your partner's ongoing physical, mental and emotional well-being, you're accountable to your partner, meaning you're required to justify certain behaviours, decisions and choices of yourself to them because they might impact your relationship in a way your partner might not like, and most importantly, you're answerable to your partner, meaning once again, you're required to provide justification for your actions to them, especially when you've made a choice or done a deed that impacts them as well and might harm their well-being. And that's the reason why certain individuals are afraid of commitment; they do not wish to be responsible for, accountable and answerable to another person.

This commitment phobia is often influenced by social relationships one has observed/been part of in the past. Generally, if one has witnessed a relationship gone wrong, particularly one's own parents' marriage, in childhood, this might make them fear commitment in their own lives. Or if they themselves have been in a traumatic relationship previously, it leads them to swear off commitment. The fear of abandonment can also cause the fear of commitment.

This is just the blueprint for Omegaverse VK isn't it? 😅 He fears commitment because every time he's tried to commit to someone previously, it's gone wrong. I can actually see young VK having a very healthy perspective of what commitment should be like. In his previous relationships, he's like, "So now that we're committed to each other, you will respect me, my choices, my decisions, and support me through my highs and lows, right?" But he forgets that he lives in a world which does not allow omegas to have such expectations from their alphas. He lives in a world which requires omegas to commit completely to their alphas, but do not expect this same level of commitment from alphas in return. So his alphas are just like, "Lol, no that's what you will do. I'm not supposed to respect you or support you. I'm supposed to tell you what to do and you're supposed to obey without question."

And VK's like ":(((( but that's not the kind of relationship I envision myself being in!" So his ex boyfriends are like, "well we're breaking up then! Who wants an omega who doesn't do what he's told?"

So by the time VK marries Pat, he's developed a phobia of commitment. He's been in so many unhealthy relationships previously, that he just generalizes based on them. Again, this is rooted in psychology. We were doing generalization and stereotyping where we learnt that generalization, although dangerous has a certain amount of foundation in reality. You meet enough members of a particular social group possessing similar characteristics, that you tend to generalize these characteristics to the entire social group.

That's what VK does. He's met a lot of alphas who want to order him around, who want to assert authority over him, so he applies that trait to all alphas. He never gives Pat the benefit of doubt, or a chance to prove otherwise. He goes into that marriage assuming Pat is horrible, doesn't he? 🥲😓

And VK has the fear of commitment as well as the fear of abandonment due to his past relationships. He knows that his own expectations from a committed relationship are what other alphas take offence to, and their inability to meet his expectations is what leads them to abandon him.

So upon marriage, VK is stuck in a place where there are two options available to him. Either he can avoid any sort of closeness with Pat. Or he can give Pat a chance, commit to him, and try and make their marriage work. But with the second option, comes the risk of the marriage not working. VK is afraid that if he commits to Pat, Pat will misconstrue commitment as his right to possess and control VK. And when he realises VK doesn't like that, he'll abandon him. And VK has been in enough situations where his commitment was misplaced, to understand how much it hurts. And he's not willing to get hurt again. VK knows that if he himself doesn't put his own desires and wishes above anything else, nobody else will give him that. So he decides not to commit to Pat at all in case he commits and it goes wrong, like so many previous commitments have.

Yeah, that’s pretty much VK’s mind mapped out 😂

[korrasera]

Right, but the point of this discussion was talking about killing being wrong on moral grounds and how people who say that killing is actually right (ethically correct that is) when it comes to certain targets are wrong and are doing leftism wrong.

Even when it's someone who you have a lot of pretty good reasons to want to see come to harm, violating their bodily autonomy is still an unethical act. And we know from plenty of evidence through...(checks)...all of human history, stripping people of their bodily autonomy is unethical, even when it's something that can't be avoided. The 'at best it's a bad thing being done to avoid future bad' frame.

Something being wrong on moral grounds doesn't stop people from doing it, which means the pushback you see in the notes is coming from people who feel judged when I say that killing is unethical. Doesn't matter that I'm not saying they're bad people, just that I'm illustrating how the act itself is unethical. That's not a rational reaction to the discussion, it's an emotional one.

As for the practical discussion, I think you're making some unsupported assumptions to arrive at your conclusion.

First, talking about the philosophy isn't an appeal to an abstract view of what the world should be. It's an analysis of the world as it is. Killing is always going to be the intentional infliction of harm that violates the principle of bodily autonomy. What changes is whether or not it can be avoided thanks to robust social structure.

Second, you assume there's no other way to deal with some problems. That's not true, at all. Starbucks forming a union will do more to oppose the power of the billionaires that fund Starbucks than killing any one of them would ever do. And it's by making those kinds of social changes, building bottom-up community networks and engaging in organizing, that makes real change.

Third, you're assuming that killing a billionaire can solve the problem that you're posing. That's not true either, because you're talking about a systemic issue as though it's an individual one. Not only is it not possible to kill all billionaires, any that are killed will be replaced and you'll have done nothing to address why billionaires exist. If you can't end the exploitation, their deaths are almost meaningless. And no, you cannot kill enough of them to collectively traumatize people out of wanting to be billionaires.

Fourth, courts don't work very well, sure. But they work a lot better than they used to. They're not completely corrupt tools of authority, they're imperfect tools that we haven't fully built yet. If they have no power as a tool of the people, capitalists and authoritarians wouldn't be trying to hard to seize control of them. Assuming that they are unable to do anything completely ignores the way that we've used them to make a lot of strides to support liberty and justice and fight corruption and malfeasance. I mean...we've never put a former president on trial before and yet it's happening right now. In several different jurisdictions.

Fifth, the reason I mentioned lynching above is because any plan to kill billionaires in self-defense is pretty much certain to go poorly because mob justice is even worse than court justice, that's one of the reasons why it's such a bad idea. It's a logical fallacy to say that it's the only option because that ignores literally everything else that people do to bring about an end to capitalism.

It's possible you might have a decent argument to make for it being self-defense, but don't let yourself get stuck thinking that violence, and particularly violent revolution, is the only way to address problems. It's a form of myopia. Just because violence is a tool that is sometimes unavoidable doesn't mean it's a good tool or one suited to the task.

"they deserve to die" is something you should never hear a leftist say. if you do, run

[subrinaislam]

Q&A on Overcoming Agoraphobia

I've learned through my experiences that the world is scary. Can I improve?

With no doubt, you can improve. Since the world and people are not always dangerous, many people who have had unpleasant or traumatic Agoraphobia experiences become locked in this mindset. Numerous individuals and circumstances are either neutral or advantageous. Your ability to selectively attend to information that demonstrates the goodness in the world and the benefits of taking risks can be developed with the help of therapy that teaches people like you how to recognize healthy people and situations. Science demonstrates that those who take chances benefit both in terms of recovery and overall quality of life. They discover that they can bounce back, find new connections, and construct more advantageous circumstances. To stop feeling afraid, please think about seeking treatment.

How do agoraphobia and PTSD compare to one another? What distinguishes it from OCD?

People with PTSD and OCD can stay away from situations that make them anxious. They avoid, however, not protecting themselves from experiencing the trauma again or from coming into contact with the triggers for compulsions, but rather to avoid the physical symptoms of panic. The fear associated with agoraphobia is having a panic attack. In OCD, the dread is of the fixation coming true, but in PTSD, the anxiety is of being traumatized. Only agoraphobics concentrate on avoiding the physical sensations of fear because they mistake them for being harmful; people with all anxiety disorders including PTSD can have panic episodes and avoid places they fear.

Can phobias develop from panic attacks?

People who experience panic episodes may develop phobic avoidance of any circumstances they think can trigger a panic attack, and are consequently considered to be phobic. People who suffer from specific phobias can experience panic attacks, but they are afraid of encountering or seeing things that are related to one particular trigger, such as insects, tornadoes, flying, seeing holes, etc.

What methods can we employ to get past the bodily signs of panic? Do the same methods help with mental issues as well?

The greatest technique to begin overcoming your fear of having a panic attack is through interoceptive exposure, which involves purposefully producing the physical symptoms of panic. A wonderful strategy to increase exposure and regain your freedom is to use real-world exposure to the scenarios in that panic attacks are difficult to deal with, such as driving on a busy highway, traveling somewhere without a phone, or being in a place you cannot simply leave. Learning that panic episodes are benign, self-limited, and a false alarm is the most crucial thing you can do for your mental health. You may learn why all of the physical signs of anxiety are harmless by reading Reid Wilson's book Don't Panic.

Why does sobbing when I'm experiencing a panic attack help me feel better?

Adults weep when they experience a powerful emotion, whether it be joy, rage, or anxiety. We are aware that crying helps us relieve some of our stress by acting like the pressure release valve on an Instate. I wouldn't worry about the fact that you're crying; instead, I would presume that it indicates that you have a lot of anxiety. It's totally common for many of my patients to cry when they discuss or experience their anxiety.

[stargaze-sunflower]

✨Huey and Louie Bonding✨

Summary: Huey and Louie have a late night talk about mixed emotions, unasked questions, and Della Duck.

Ao3 Link Word Count: 5439

Louie had never found it easy to go to sleep the night after an adventure. Sure, he liked to nap on the plane after some of their less intense outings, when he felt comfortable enough and everyone was relatively safe. But actually sleeping, at night, in a bed, was practically impossible. Well, for Louie, at least. He seemed to have the most consistent trouble, although they all had their bad days.

Tonight though, he would classify what he was experiencing as more than just ‘trouble’. He hadn’t slept for days, beyond accidental dozing in between hours of emotional turmoil, and even then he’d been regularly woken by nightmares. It wasn’t fun, but nothing had been, recently, and he got the feeling that it would stay that way for a long while.

He tried not to think about it too much.

Three days ago, Louie had almost ripped apart time and space with his own stupid decisions, because the angles he’d been looking for had been skewed by his emotions. Because he’d been looking for an easy way out. Because of his schemes.

(“Your little scheme to bypass the present almost cost us our future.”)

Louie failed to hold back his wince at the memory of the harsh words, his breath hitching as he pulled his hands out from under his blanket to cover his face in frustration. He huffed quietly, restraining himself from the usual groan and/or grumble because as far as he knew, his brothers were fast asleep above him, and the last thing he needed was more accusations and blame.

Even if he deserved it. Even if he kind of wanted physical proof that they were still there, that he hadn’t erased them for good like his nightmares had been trying to convince him he did.

It had scared him badly, what had happened during the Timephoon. The whole thing had been replaying in his head since the moment he’d been sent to his room with nothing to do but worry and think. He’d had to watch his entire family disappear into thin air—

(“I watched your brothers blink out of existence because you wanted a shortcut to riches.”)

—and then he’d been sent to his room immediately after. He’d been terrified, and then he’d been yelled at, and then he’d been alone. It hadn’t exactly made for a happy night of peaceful sleep, Louie could tell you that much.

Huey and Dewey had come back late, when Louie had already been pretending to sleep in an effort to trick his mind into actually doing it, and they hadn’t tried to ‘wake him’. They’d just crawled right into bed and drifted off with considerably less issue than Louie was currently having. Although to be fair, they’d probably been exhausted from whatever had happened to them when they’d been in the past. He would ask, but he was afraid they’d chew him out for it, and if blame hurt coming from Della, then it would definitely hurt coming from his brothers.

Louie had laid stiffly in his own bed that night for about an hour before he’d finally given in and climbed up to check on Huey and Dewey. He hadn’t tried to wake them – actively avoided it, in fact – but he had alternated between sitting on Huey or Dewey’s bed for the rest of the night, staring at them and reassuring himself that they were still there. Maybe it was a slightly creepy thing to do, but he’d done worse things.

Louie wondered if his brothers were mad at him. They hadn’t seemed to be, at first, but then Della had stepped in to ground him, and now he wasn’t so sure. He wasn’t sure about a lot of things.

The day after his big mistake, his whole family had packed up their things and left him home alone with only a robot and a ghost to keep him company after a traumatic event, and they went on his dream vacation without him. Adventures terrified him, usually, with how dangerous they were – and that had been part of the reason he’d been looking for a shortcut to treasure. He’d thought it was perfect, and that no one would have to get hurt, that way. No one was supposed to get hurt. He didn’t mean for—

Anyway. Louie didn’t like most adventures, and everyone knew that. And then on top of the punishment of watching his family blink out of existence and being grounded, he also had to sit in his room, trapped by lasers that stopped him from even going to the kitchen, guarded by a robot that shot electricity at him if he tried to leave. He’d been alone for two days, and then almost every villain that had ever attempted to hurt his family had showed up at the mansion, breaking down the door and banishing Duckworth with ease and making it impossible to call for help.

Would anyone have listened, anyway? Would anyone have even come to save him, or would they have thought it was a trick?

Louie – in the face of utter terror and the very real threat of bodily harm – did the only thing that he really knew how to do.

He found the angles, and he schemed his way out.

And sure, it had stung when he’d walked out of the villain’s plane only to find out that his family had the ability to think – for even a second – that he’d ever betray them. Being the ‘Evil Triplet’ had always been a bit of a running joke between him and his brothers, but he wondered sometimes when everyone started thinking that it was true, or that it at the very least had the potential to be.

He’d saved the day, he guessed, but somehow he didn’t feel all that great about it. Especially not now, exhausted in every possible way and still unable to close his eyes and fall asleep.

Irritated with himself and halfway into yet another emotional breakdown, Louie sat up in his bed, pulling the hood of the hoodie he hadn’t bothered to take off over his head. He stared up at the glowing stars on the bottom of the bunk above him – Dewey had put them there when he wasn’t looking – and attempted to steady his breathing, counting like Huey had taught him to, trying to ground himself in reality rather than obsess over the reality that he’d been grounded.

He eventually gathered the courage to look around the room, and he threw off the blankets as he did so, suddenly feeling horribly stifled and suffocated. He’d been stuck in the room for two days. He wanted to get out.

Already, his lungs were squeezing tighter and his heart was beating faster, and he stood in a barely-controlled panic, shoving his shaking hands into the pocket of his hoodie as he walked swiftly and quietly to the door. The door that was closed, the door that he was suddenly terrified of opening, because what if it didn’t? What if he was still trapped?

A lump rose in this throat as frustrated tears stung his eyes, and he rested his forehead against the wood in front of him as he tried to work up the nerve to do something that should be easy. He felt absolutely ridiculous, and a bit pathetic, but at least no one was around to judge him; he was both bitter and relieved about that.

Louie tugged his hand out of his hoodie and grabbed onto the doorknob in one smooth motion, exhaling heavily when nothing catastrophic happened from that one small action. Achingly slowly and painfully hesitant, he turned the knob and pulled on the door, holding his breath and using the heartbeat in his ears to count the seconds.

The door opened.

His breath left him all in a rush, almost like a sob. The room was silent except for the faint rattling of the doorknob in his trembling hand, and Louie felt shivers racing up his spine, his mind practically screaming at him to get out, to prove to himself that he wasn’t trapped.

The door creaked a bit on its hinges as he pulled it open more and more, and he flinched at the noise, having not expected it. He glanced over his shoulder at the beds behind him that held his (hopefully) sleeping brothers, worried that he’d woken them up. Luckily, no one moved, and Louie turned back to the door, pulling his hood tighter over his head as he escaped through the opening he’d created.

Immediately, a little bit of the tension he’d been carrying around for days melted away, and he stood alone in the middle of the hallway, staring at the wall across from him as he breathed, feeling like part of him was still stuck in that room.

After what could’ve been minutes or hours, Louie closed the door behind him and turned right, making his way to his favorite spot on autopilot. It was a window at the end of a hallway, with a bench beneath it that stretched from one wall to the other. It was soft and wide and perfect for napping, and it was a place that made him feel comfortable and safe. Looking at it now, he wished that he’d brought a blanket, but he’d been too busy panicking to really think about it. His hoodie would have to be enough, this time.

Louie sat down on the bench with his back against the wall, heaving a slightly shaky sigh and turning to look out the window at a full moon that he would never see in the same way again. He wondered how many times in his younger years had he looked at the moon, not knowing that he was looking at his mom.

Who would ever think that, though? Who, as a kid, would even entertain the idea that their absent mother was just chilling in orbit? Not Louie, certainly, although maybe it had crossed Dewey’s mind once or twice. He wouldn’t be surprised.

Speaking of brothers…

Louie suddenly had the creeping feeling that he was no longer alone, and no more than two seconds after that revelation, quiet footsteps could be heard walking towards him. He turned his head slowly, blinking to adjust his eyes to the darkness of the hallway in comparison to the brightness of the moon, and there was Huey, because who else would it be.

Huey had stopped a few feet from the bench, and for a moment they just blinked at each other, like neither of them were quite ready to talk, or prepared for social situations in the middle of the night. Huey was in his pajamas, but oddly enough he was not wearing his night cap. Louie raised an eyebrow at him, painfully aware that he himself probably did not look very put together. Huey mimicked his expression, shifting awkwardly in place, and Louie sighed, gesturing to the empty space on the bench as he turned to look back out the window. He heard Huey walk closer, and he felt the cushion on the bench move as his brother sat down.

They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, and Louie finally let his hood slide off his head. Huey yawned, and Louie huffed a quiet laugh.

“Is now a good time to ask what you’re doing here?” Louie asked, glancing at Huey out of the corner of his eye. “Or do you normally wake up this early?”

Huey stretched his legs out on the bench and shrugged.

“I saw you leave,” he said. “And it’s been an… intense few days. I just wanted to check on you.”

Louie wondered if ‘seeing him leave’ including the ridiculous amount of time he’d spent just trying to open the door. Something mildly embarrassed and defensive rose up in his chest.

“Well, you’ve checked on me,” Louie said, steadfastly avoiding his brother’s eyes. “You’ve done your brotherly duty, or whatever. Feel free to go back to sleep.”

“I wasn’t sleeping,” Huey replied, and Louie turned to look at him. His brother shot him a slightly sad smile. “It’s one of those days, you know?”

A lump rose unbidden in his throat, effectively blocking anything he might’ve said in response, so he just nodded and turned away. He blamed his emotional vulnerability on exhaustion. He blamed his exhaustion on himself.

“How about you?” Huey picked up the conversation, scooting a little closer to him on the bench. “Are you normally up at this time?”

“Only every now and then.” Louie shrugged a little awkwardly. “More so recently.”

Huey hummed, and they continued looking aimlessly out the window. Louie started looking for the few constellations that he knew, just from Huey talking about them. Dewey actually knew more about that than Louie did, because he’d always had a sort of fascination for space.

“I don’t think that I ever heard the full story of how you ended up on Don Karnage’s ship with Uncle Scrooge’s mortal enemies,” Huey said some time later, deceptively casual. “Did you just— Did they invite you or…?”

Louie huffed a laugh, and Huey shot him a wry grin.

“I didn’t sneak aboard, if that’s what you’re asking,” Louie said, really just putting off telling the full story, not wanting to relive it. “I was welcome. Well, as welcome as I could’ve been around half a dozen criminals who hate us.”

“So they showed up at the mansion?”

Louie blinked in shock at Huey’s determination to get right to the heart of the matter. He hadn’t really been ready to encounter such enthusiastic interest in his life at somewhere around three in the morning.

“I mean…yeah,” Louie said weakly, clearing his throat and continuing to explain. “It’s more like they showed up in the mansion. They banished Duckworth in like five seconds flat, and they completely destroyed Dt87 and blocked the phone line and just—”

Louie closed his beak with an audible click, realizing that he’d been rambling and that he was getting worked up again. He hid his trembling hands in his hoodie pockets.

“And…?” Huey prompted gently.

Louie looked at him with a searching gaze, sighing softly when he found nothing but concern and care in Huey’s eyes. His family made it so hard, sometimes, to be closed off and guarded.

“And they hadn’t expected me to be all alone. And they talked about hurting me as a warmup for taking on you guys, and then I had the most awkward and terrifying plane ride of my life,” Louie said quietly, looking out at the yard outside the window, staring hard at the shadows. “I was worried that one of them would figure me out, or get bored and use me as a punching bag or something.”

“Did they hurt you?” Huey asked immediately, new urgency in his voice as he leaned forward on the bench.

“I’m fine, Hue,” Louie reassured him, something small and warm blooming in his chest. “They weren’t nice, but they didn’t hurt me.”

Huey’s shoulders dropped as he relaxed, but he didn’t attempt to move back to his original position, instead settling in closer to Louie and staying there.

“That was a terrible position that you were in,” Huey said softly, just for the two of them. “And you still managed to save the day.”

“Yeah, well.” Louie shrugged jerkily, hunched in on himself just a bit. “I have a lot to make up for.”

“What do you—” Huey started, and then he cut himself off awkwardly. “Oh.”

Louie raised an eyebrow, torn between being amused and being annoyed.

“What, you forgot about me almost destroying reality?”

“We do a lot of crazy things,” Huey said, a touch defensively. “It was basically just another Tuesday for us, it just fades into the background.”

Louie barked a sad laugh, hugging his knees to his chest and remembering the past few days that he’d spent obsessing over his biggest mistake, and Huey had just straight-up moved on already.

“I wish it would fade into the background,” Louie said, a touch of self-deprecating humor in his tone. “I spent the last few days trapped in a room watching a robot play videos of mom telling me all about what I did wrong.

“And it was wrong,” Louie continued before Huey could respond, barreling onward with feeling. “But it— It wasn’t supposed to be. It was supposed to be safe, and—and no one would get hurt. I just— I—”

Louie sighed. “I dunno, I messed up. That’s all there is to it.”

Somewhere outside, an owl hooted faintly, and wind rustled the leaves of the trees. It was a calm night, uninterrupted by a raging hurricane caused by an eleven-year-old child.

“…Why did you do it?” Huey asked eventually, and Louie cut his eyes over to him, catching the odd expression on his brother’s face, like he’d come to a realization about something and it had left him sad and confused. “I don’t think anyone actually asked you.”

“I’m greedy and selfish,” Louie said dryly. “That’s it.”

“No,” Huey said firmly. “It’s not.”

Louie sighed, tilting his head back until it came to rest with a thud against the wall behind him, leaving him staring at the ceiling. He wracked his brain on how to explain, on how to make Huey understand. He’d nearly given up on anyone understanding him, and this felt like a last chance. It felt important.

“I like treasure,” Louie began, running a hand through his messy hair. “I just—That’s just me. I like money, I like valuable things, and I like that we don’t have to worry about how much money we have anymore.”

Huey nodded slightly, encouraging him to continue.

“Uncle Donald never wanted us to worry about money and stuff, but it— it was hard not to notice,” Louie said, tightening his hold on his knees. “I guess I just— Now I don’t ever want to worry about that again.”

“We don’t have to,” Huey said softly. “Uncle Scrooge—”

“—could’ve lost all his money today,” Louie interrupted. “Nothing in our family is guaranteed.”

Huey winced just a little bit. Louie knew he hated being reminded of the uncertainty of life.

“I just— I still like treasure, just because it’s treasure, but I don’t like the life-threatening danger that usually comes along with it.” Louie glanced out the window at the moon, hanging over them and lighting the hallway in soft light. “I guess I wanted there to be an easy way. I thought I could skip over the part where I’m scared for my life and your life and everyone’s life—”

He cut himself off, huffing in frustration. Huey was silent.

“Of course, I ended up making the ‘danger’ part infinitely worse,” Louie said, a hopeless amusement in his voice, loathing turned inwards. “I sure did a sucky job at seeing the angles.”

Huey was staring down at the bench with his brow furrowed and a faint frown on his face, obviously thinking hard. Louie was suddenly worried he was about to get a lecture, and he didn’t know if he was emotionally stable enough to pretend it didn’t hurt him. Luckily, Huey came up with something completely different.

“You know what I think?” Huey asked, and Louie shook his head a little nervously. “I think that none of us were ready to be Scrooge McDuck’s nephews.”

“Well, it’s not like we even knew we were until like a year ago—”

“No, I mean like—” Huey huffed in frustration, waving his hand aimlessly in the air as he tried to gather his thoughts. “Okay, so, if we made a mistake on the houseboat, the worst thing that could have happened was that the kitchen would catch on fire. If we make a mistake as Scrooge McDuck’s nephews, the whole world is basically in danger.”

Louie snorted, thinking of all the times that things had gone wrong.

“I just— I don’t think we were ready for that,” Huey continued, a little sadly, with a hint of anger at life’s unfairness. “I don’t think that we really knew what living with Uncle Scrooge would mean. We’re still kids, you know? I don’t really think we’re supposed to have the means to destroy reality.”

“Well, I did steal the Time Tub,” Louie pointed out. “It’s not like they left it lying around.”

“Yeah, that one’s on you,” Huey said, smiling a little. “But the fact that it even exists seems like a risk. It’s just— Gyro built a time machine, and you stole it. Uncle Scrooge built the Spear of Selene, and mom took it. I’m kind of seeing a pattern of things that shouldn’t be built being taken.”

Louie couldn’t help but feel hurt being compared to his mom in that way, though deep down he knew it was a fair statement. “Yeah, I—"

“The difference is,” Huey interrupted firmly, making serious eye contact. “Mom was an adult. You’re a kid. It’s not really the same thing.”

“Well, yeah. Mom didn’t put the whole population of earth in danger. That was just me putting my own personal twist on it,” Louie said, dark humor lacing his tone. “At least I didn’t get lost in time for ten years.”

“Don’t even joke about that,” Huey said, his voice quieter than it had been, and Louie just shrugged.

Somewhere farther down the hallway, something creaked, but Louie wasn’t concerned. It being an old house and all, it was always making weird noises.

“Similarities aside, I don’t think that Mom likes me very much,” Louie said, unaware of when exactly he’d decided he wanted to talk about this, feeling almost sick to his stomach. “I don’t think she’ll ever be able to really trust me again.”

“She hasn’t been here long enough to get to know you,” Huey said carefully, stubbornly, like he was sure she’d like him if she only knew him.

“But she’s been here long enough to ground me?” Louie shot back, feeling more than a little bitter, unable to hold it back anymore. “She’s been here long enough to tell me that my place in the family is conditional?”

Huey jolted in surprise, sitting up straighter. “She did what?”

Louie raised a hand, waving off the question, but Huey wasn’t having it.

“What the— When did that happen?” Huey asked him, and Louie sighed and dropped his head into his hands briefly.

“Mom left me videos to watch while you guys went on my dream vacation for two days,” Louie said tiredly, and Huey winced. “It was basically all about how my plans and schemes are nothing but trouble and lead to ‘bad things’ for the family. And a big point was how if I wanted to be a part of the family, then I had to knock it off.”

“That’s not— She hasn’t even seen most of your schemes,” Huey said, sounding lost and frustrated. “It’s unwise to make generalizations without sufficient data.”

“To be fair, she did have to watch as you guys blinked out of existence.”

“So did you,” Huey said. “And no one even asked if you were okay before you got sent to your room.”

“I was fine,” Louie said, but it was hard to spin the truth at three in the morning.

“Liar,” Huey accused, but it was soft and kind, and vaguely amused. Louie ducked his head to hide a smile. “I would’ve checked on you that night, but you were sleeping when we got back.”

“No I wasn’t,” Louie said, grinning sideways at his brother. “It was ‘one of those nights’, unsurprisingly.”

“Have you slept at all recently?” Huey asked, exasperated.

“I’ve napped,” Louie said, his smile dropping off his face. “I almost destroyed reality and then I was trapped in my room. I didn’t really feel like sleeping.”

“It’s behind us, Lou,” Huey said, putting a hand on his knee. “You didn’t mean to do it, and I don’t think it’ll happen again. It’s over.”

“Yeah,” Louie said quietly, staring at where Huey’s hand was resting.

“And did— did you say trapped?”

“A laser grid and a robot that shoots electricity do a pretty good job at keeping me contained, apparently.”

“It didn’t let you leave the room?” Huey asked incredulously. “What did you eat?”

“I had some snacks in a secret stash,” Louie said, not having the heart to tell him that he hadn’t much felt like eating anyway. “Don’t tell Dewey, but I ate the cookie he thought we didn’t know about.”

Huey huffed a reluctant laugh at that, glancing down the hallway and looking conflicted and a little angry.

“I…I don’t think that it was right,” Huey said, like he was forcing himself to say it, like he was worried of immediate repercussions. “Grounding you was fine, but everything else just— It doesn’t make sense.”

Louie shrugged and looked away, blinking against the moisture collecting in his eyes.

“I mean, literally all of us left, and we didn’t need to. There was no point in leaving you alone, much less going on the adventure that everyone knows you really wanted to go on. It’s not like there was a time limit on the stupid treasure or whatever. We could’ve just waited until you could go,” Huey began, gaining speed and passion the longer he talked, looking about two seconds away from getting up to pace. “It just seems kinda mean and pointless. Not to mention the laser grid and electricity? You’re eleven! It could have really hurt you if the robot had gone evil, and let’s face it, Gyro made it. It probably would’ve at some point.”

“But it didn’t,” Louie jumped in, because Huey was on his way to somewhere that would make him panic. “I’m fine. It didn’t hurt me.”

“It definitely hurt your relationship with mom, though,” Huey pointed out, seeming suddenly more tired than he had been, a second ago.

“I do that just fine on my own,” Louie said, leaning forward with a sigh. “I just—I don’t know. It’s like she looks at Dewey and sees all the parts of herself that she’s proud of, and then she looks at me and sees the opposite.”

Huey frowned, mimicking his position with his knees pulled to his chest.

“She looks at me and tells me to step out of my comfort zone,” Huey said, a sad wisp of a smile on his face. “We were playing that game we both like, but she didn’t really understand the way I played it. I just wanted to— to show her what I liked to do. Leveling up was cool and all, but farming is what I find fun.”

Louie smiled fondly at the thought of his brother spending hours tending to his farm in-game. It was the most relaxed he ever got to see Huey. Their mom hadn’t been back for long enough to really know how rare that was.

“I feel like it’s unfair to expect her to know everything about us,” Louie said quietly, pointedly not looking at the moon, “but I wish that— that things were different. That I was easier for her to understand. That I made it easier for her to want to.”

Above all, in that moment, he wished that Uncle Donald was there. Louie missed him. He’d know what to do.

“I think she does want to,” Huey said, like he was willing himself to believe it, “but she’s been on the moon for ten years. She’s not— She hasn’t had to deal with people in a long time. And that’s not our fault; it just…happened. She’s having to adjust to being back on earth and being back around people and to being a mom. I imagine that it’s hard to juggle.”

“Yeah, well, she dropped the ball square on my head,” Louie said wryly. “No one else on the planet has ever had to deal with this whole stupid situation before – with their mom coming back from the moon – so there’s like, no way to know what’s right or wrong or what to do.”

“It’s not really fair on anyone,” Huey agreed morosely, plopping his chin into his hand, looking at him with questioning eyes. “Why didn’t you tell us how you felt about things?”

“You want me to tell Della’s fan club that I’m having a hard time forming a relationship with her?” Louie asked, though not harshly. “Dewey loves her.”

“Not more than he loves you. He’d listen.”

“Maybe.”

“Definitely.” A new voice broke into their quiet conversation, and Louie jumped, yelping as he almost fell clean off the bench. He would’ve hit the ground if Huey hadn’t grabbed his arm, and Louie whipped his head up to make startled eye contact with Dewey, because who else would it be.

“How long have you been standing there?” Louie asked defensively, feeling newly vulnerable at the thought that someone had been eavesdropping while he talked about his feelings.

“Long enough,” Dewey said simply, yawning as he plopped down on the bench between Huey and Louie, leaning back against the window because apparently he wasn’t plagued by thoughts of falling through and plummeting to his death. “I woke up and you were both gone. This is Louie’s favorite spot, so I checked here first.”

“Fair enough,” Huey said tiredly, and Louie groaned.

“You ate my cookie,” Dewey said, playfully accusatory.

“I was hungry.” Louie rolled his eyes. “There are plenty of cookies in the world, I promise.”

Dewey shrugged, but he was smiling; maybe a little sad, but a smile nonetheless.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, staring at the empty hallway and the empty backyard and the not-so-empty moon.

“Nothing is ever simple, is it?” Louie asked absentmindedly, feeling the emptiness inside himself, too.

“With this family? No way,” Dewey said, but he didn’t seem as excited about that as he usually would be.

“I wish it was,” Huey said. “For all of our sakes.”

More silence, and then—

“It’s not like I don’t— I mean, I love Mom,” Louie said, not wanting anyone to get the wrong idea. “I’m glad she’s back, but it doesn’t really feel like she came back for me. Not yet, anyway.”

“It kinda feels like she came back for who she thought we’d be,” Huey said.

Louie glanced at Dewey to see how he was taking all of this, a little worried that he wouldn’t want to hear it. Dewey noticed him looking and sighed, his shoulders dropping.

“I get along with Mom pretty well, and— I don’t know, I think that she’s trying, but she needs more time to get used to things,” Dewey said, and then he shot them a wry grin. “That being said, if she makes you guys feel bad again, I will throw hands.”

Louie chuckled, a great weight lifting off his chest. He was surrounded by his brothers, who understood him, and were thankfully not mad at him. It suddenly felt like not everything was going wrong. He leaned his shoulder into Dewey’s, nudging him gently.

“Thanks, Dew,” Louie said sincerely, and then he looked past him to where Huey was smiling at them fondly. “And thank you for coming after me, and for listening.”

“Anytime,” Huey said, reaching over to squeeze his hand. “Things will get better. I promise.”

“I hope so,” Louie replied, and then he yawned.

“You should really get some sleep,” Huey said, worry in his voice. “Do you want to go back to our room?”

Louie shook his head immediately, feeling trapped just at the mere thought of it.

“Maybe Dewey’s got the right idea, then,” Huey said, half amused and half fond.

Louie looked up at the middle brother in confusion only to find him with his head leaning back against the glass, beak open wide as he snored. Louie chuckled at the sight, grinning at Huey.

“I think he does,” Louie agreed, and Huey smiled back.

He settled down against the bench, getting comfy and feeling warmth growing in his chest as Huey did the same. The moon was halfway behind a cloud, now, but it only made the stars all the more visible.

“Goodnight, Louie,” Huey whispered from his spot, sounding half asleep already.

“Night, Hue.”

Louie fell asleep within minutes, and he woke up to the sun on his back and his brothers at his side. Later that day, he would be chased by a monster and dispel an old curse, but that was later. Right now, he had nothing but time. Louie went back to sleep.

[wistcrias]

PRETTY LITTLE LIARS & TRAUMA, RE : THE DOLLHOUSE . 

it’s really fascinating the way the girls attempt to heal and take back control of their lives after the events of the dollhouse in 5x24 and 6x01 –– after traumatic events, people tend to search for a way to regain independence and autonomy after events that are typically out of their control. so it makes sense that the girls all cope in ways that are ultimately different, but at their core, the same. 

aria: photography and closure.  aria immediately wants to close the book on the situation and see andrew in jail. she’s willing to go down to the police station and lie about seeing andrew’s face because she just wants closure on the entire situation. when ezra says she could write about it, she doesn’t even want to do that, and that’s because she wants to avoid what happened and move on. she represents an aspect of denial, and wanting to leave what happened in the dark and in the past. she turns to photography as both an outlet, but also as a way of turning the camera around on someone else. for weeks she was observed without any privacy, and she takes that lack of bodily autonomy back in her hands by becoming the photographer instead of the subject. 

spencer: coping with anxiety and medications.  spencer has been known to have her addictive tendencies: this makes sense when we look at the way her family treats failure and setbacks and their reputation, and also when we consider that she’s jason’s half-sister, which means that addiction definitely has to be a genetic thing that runs in their family considering the two of them struggle with their own addictions. so when spencer comes back from the dollhouse, she wants to process this and be able to confront it and not brush it under the rug. her family is the opposite of aria’s (a positive one where trauma can be discussed and isn’t considered shameful) in that way, and as a result, she is fighting for the validation of: “this is something that happened to me and something I need to acknowledge and work on”. she turns to sleeping pills to get the rest her overactive brain can’t provide her, and then weed to help battle the anxiety –– I think she is feeling incredibly invalidated by her family members and i think if they allowed her to use the sleeping pills, or even the weed under extreme supervision, it would be a more effective and less harmful way of her feeling seen and achieving the kind of peace she needs, potentially. 

emily: guns, anger and self-defense.  for emily, her response to the trauma of the dollhouse is establishing a narrative where she is not helpless. where she can defend herself. she puts on he father’s coat, for safety –– it’s likely when she was younger emily always thought her dad could protect her for anything. even though that’s not true, she still turns to it for the reassurance of safety and protection. she finds his guns and goes to the shooting range to make herself feel stronger. to make herself feel in command of her own narrative and life. for the majority of the show, in fact, emily has been singled out as ‘the weakest link’ and she has constantly been pushing to tell people and to show herself that she is the not that. that she’s strong and a survivor. it’s where her stubborness and her tenacity really shine through. and emily, who is a church girl, and who likely has had to make her emotions more palatable, also has to reckon with a great deal of anger at the injustice of everything she’s had to endure. its an anger that is righteous and fiery, and it burns inside her, looking for a way out. 

hanna: starting fresh and finding safety.  hanna’s biggest trauma that we see is that her home was taken from her. her room, her sanctum –– the safety of what it represents was stripped from her. a had copied it to every minute detail, and that removal of privacy means that her most private moments in her room have been taken from her. she can no longer feel safe or comfortable in that space without starting fresh. hanna strips the wallpaper, and gets rid of all the furniture ––  by doing this, she is starting fresh and putting up a firm blockade between before and after. as dramatic as it is, what hanna does is very reasonable, because every item in the room is a trigger for her. however, we see that hanna reaches some amount of peace because she does want her old bedside table back. this shows that despite wanting to get rid of everything, a cannot completely tear down her feeling of safety, and I think that’s because at the end of the day, hanna also finds her safety with her mom, and with caleb. and as long as she has them, and the girls, she can still find some measure of safety with them. that being said, eventually safety begins to feel overwhelming and cloistering. hanna doesn’t want to be treated like glass –– she wants to be treated like someone who won’t break. she, like emily, doesn’t want to be a victim. she needs normalcy, and when her loved ones make her feel trapped and fragile, it only serves to push her away. 

and so that leaves mona –– who isn’t one of the liars, so to speak, but who I think it’s important to look at because a) she was in the dollhouse with them, b) I write her on this blog so of course I’d like to think about her reaction and c) we never actually see her trauma response on the show so I’d like to propose her reactions and process of dealing with her ptsd. this is going to be slightly speculative, since we don’t get too much of mona processing, but we can see that when she returns to rosewood, she’s not afraid of a still, but rather alison. despite all she’s been made to endure, her fear remains of alison. what does this tell us about mona? well, we know she thinks practically and impractically, to a degree. a is a threat, yes, but alison is the more pressing one because it’s the threat that mona can actually see. on the other hand, she has only her perception of alison to go on. despite hanna reassuring her that alison isn’t looking for revenge, mona can only see alison the way she remembers her. mona projects her fears onto alison, and I think to a degree, that’s her lack of control spiraling out and doing that. 

mona, who as dr. sullivan once described as having fantasies of totalitarian control, needs that in her life. I can imagine after the dollhouse, she felt much like the other girls –– spinning out and unable to do anything about it. did this exacerbate or lessen her worst tendencies is the question? I would say yes, but I do think it also increased her empathy for the girls. people who go through trauma together are often bonded, and even as the girls reject her again and again after the dollhouse, mona does see them as a unit to a degree. they’re no longer her dolls –– at least not in the same way as before. 

so, in conclusion, the girls are changed by the dollhouse, but not in dramatic ways. their trauma expands on traits and feelings that were already there, but pushes them to their limits. in response, the girls fight back against it in their own ways, each of which is unique to their backgrounds and personal identities. 

[miqojak]

[ 🤝 ] how does your muse approach intimacy? are they hesitant, or do they like it? what types of intimacy do they like and dislike? (ex. physical intimacy, sexual intimacy, emotional intimacy, etc.)

((Woops, this got long. xD))

Jak is very hesitant about intimacy in any regard - emotional, physical, you name it. She does not like to let people anywhere close to her, after what she's been through. Touching her without her knowledge/consent could end up in bodily harm for other people - it's pretty triggering for her physically. Emotionally...she feels quite bare, when expressing emotions. Every emotion shown is like taking off another article of clothing...and why would you do that in front of strangers? Why would you let them know you - see you?

A lot of this is due to time spent under Garlemald's heel - stunted emotional growth from a lack of healthy, normal social interactions for many long years. At this point, she find the song and dance of every day niceties sickening - she sees it all as fake. As acting. As being disingenuous.

Sexual intimacy was something so foreign to her as to be vile, considering her past - sex, and most anything surrounding it were unappealing. She went through a lot of bad shit, and could only see physical/sexual intimacy as things to fear and avoid.

It's been a long road, but Jak is slowly shifting her views on more than one front; healing, and learning to trust in her 'Wolf' has really helped her move past so, so many traumatic things that left her gun-shy in so many ways...to include the sexual. He's the first person, strange as it is, she ever felt safe enough to willingly pursue sex with...and at this point, who knows if anyone else will ever bypass the walls she has in place?

She's mean, and she's spiteful, and she's rude...because she's hurt. And when people don't understand that...they're probably better off moving on, and away from her. You don't keep kicking a hurt animal because it bites. You wait patiently; you care, even when they growl and snarl and snap...and he did just that. She's eternally grateful, because she had no one left.

So...Jak is improving. At friendship, at intimacy, at...mimicking polite conversation, even when it doesn't come naturally and she doesn't like it. And I'd be lying if I said she doesn't have a soft spot for physical intimacy - she's so touch starved! Thankfully, while her 'Wolf' isn't always around, he's around often enough to profit on her need to constantly sort of be doting on him/touching him almost constantly.

[nursingwriter]

Anxiety is a psychological condition that presents physiological and psychiatric symptoms and has profound social impacts on the lives of those who have anxiety disorders. There are several psychological conditions that are considered anxiety disorders, including generalized anxiety, obsessive compulsive, panic, and post-traumatic stress disorders. These disorders can be continuous or episodic, depending upon the manifestation of a person's symptom. Anxiety is a term used by the general public to describe non-pathological, 'normal' responses to stressors, but the psychological disorders under the umbrella of anxiety involves experiences which interfere with an individual's ability to function and may cause extreme distress. An individual experiencing either continuous or episodic a nxiety might feel physiological symptoms, including muscular tension and hyperventilation, physical symptoms, including nausea and insomnia, and well as mental apprehension and panic (Healy 2009). Panic disorder, which may affect up to six million Americans, is often characterized by the physical symptoms accompanying "sudden attacks of terror," including sweating, pounding heart, and dizziness, which can sometimes make the sufferer feel like they are having a heart attack. Obsessive compulsive disorder entails the repeated disturbing thoughts and ritualistic behaviors which interfere with an individual's ability to function and have a high quality of life. Post traumatic stress disorder develops following an experience involving bodily harm of the threat of harm and was first characterized in veterans of war; persons with PTSD are prone to being startled, experiencing severe and sudden anger, feeling emotional disconnected from loved ones, and anhedonia. Social anxiety disorder is associated with a fear of being watched or judged, self-conciousness, and dread leading up to a perceive stressful event and physical symptoms of anxiety while the event is occurring. Finally, Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) is a disorder in which people feel a pronounced and persistent anxiety throughout the course of their day and feel the threat of an impending disaster even when there is no logical reason to anticipate such an occurrence (NIMH 2010). Children and Teens The treatment of anxiety disorders in children is an important and delicate issue. A study published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology found that children with anxiety disorders are "liked less" than children who do not have anxiety disorders and suffer from a lower perceived peer status (Strauss 1987) Another study in 2004 demonstrated that cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) was an effective treatment for children over the age of six with anxiety disorders that did not include phobia, PTSD or OCD. CBT is a type of psychotherapy that uses discussion, "talk therapy" to engender a self-analysis of the motivations and impulses behind behaviors and reactions. Behavioral modifications can impact the way individuals, including children, process and respond to anxiety triggers. The study showed that cognitive behavior therapy has a remission rate of 56.5% (S Cartwright-Hatton 2004). The clinical manifestations of anxiety disorders in teens and young adults seem to be similar to those found in adults. A primary difference is in the ability for self-directed care management is clearly not present in minors; teens have fewer options at their disposal to seek out treatment and medication for themselves. A medical information clearinghouse website, seeking to explain the experiences of teens with general anxiety disorders stated: "When a teen with social anxiety disorder is faced with uncomfortable situations, they often experience sweating, racing heart, stomach discomfort, dizziness, and the uncontrollable urge to cry. Because their discomfort leads them to isolate and avoid certain situations, social anxiety disorder disrupts their ability to lead a normal life (Health Center 2007)." Social Impact A study was conducted in 1999 to determine the costs associated with anxiety disorder of the social anxiety type. By talking to patients by mail and phone, the researchers were able to examine the direct and indirect financial impact of social anxiety disorder as well as the toll social anxiety took on participants' lives. There are many interrelated sociological variables to consider in the assessment of the qualitative and quantitative effects of anxiety on a population and in individual lives. The cost of medical care is not the only financial impact attributed to anxiety; wages lost from inability to work and subsequent loss of housing, education, childcare and the accrual of debt are potential long-term financial effects of severe anxiety. These contribute to a diminished quality of life in persons affected by anxiety; this study found that 21% of respondent had attempted suicide in relation to their social anxiety disorder (Katzelnick 2002). Persons with generalized anxiety disorder also face stigma from the general population as well as from their physicians. A survey of 558 primary care physicians showed that only 56.9% of doctors in viewed anxiety as a real medical disorder entailing a necessity for clinical management and significant patient distress. This is study found that patients with clinical diagnoses for generalized anxiety disorder, in comparison to patients presenting to the same doctors with massive depressive episodes, were far less likely to receive psychotropic drug treatment or referrals to specialized care (Wittchen 2002). Medical Treatment Options Many medical treatments have been examined for their efficacy in the remission of symptoms associated with anxiety disorder, including duloxetine, escitalopram, and paroxetine. While the specific biochemical pathways involved anxiety disorders are not well characterized, several of the medications that are effective in the treatment of depression have been noted to work well in the management of anxiety disorder. Duloxetine is a reuptake inhibitor of serotonin and norepinephrine which has been noted be effective in anxiety treatments. A 2007 study into the efficacy of duloxetine noted an interesting tendency among patients with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD): "Although patients with GAD often express that they worry about "everything," their most predominant concerns are about family, personal health, and the health of others.4 Thus, the mutual reinforcements among the process of worry, focus on health, and the experience of multiple somatic symptoms result in patients with GAD being high utilizers of medical services (Koponen 2007 101)." References Cartwright-Hatton, Sam, et al. (2004) "Systematic review of the efficacy of cognitive behaviour therapies for childhood and adolescent anxiety disorders." Vol. 43, Number 4, November pp. 421-436. Healy, David. (2009) Psychiatric Drugs, Explained. Churchill Livingstone Elsevier Press, Pp. 136-137. References and further reading may be available for this article. To view references and further reading you must purchase this article. Strauss, Cyd CS Koponen, Hannu, MD, et al. (2007). "Efficacy of Duloxetine for the Treatment of Generalized Anxiety Disorder: Implications for Primary Care Physicians" Primary Care Companion: Journal of Clinical Psychiatry. Vol 9, Iss. 2. 100-107 Katzelnick, David JM.D, et al. (2002). "Impact of Generalized Social Anxiety Disorder in Managed Care" American Journal of Psychiatry. Volume 63, Supplement. Pp. 24-34. National Institute of Mental Health. (2010) Anxiety Disorder. Retrieved From http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/anxiety-disorders.shtml Strauss, Cyd C, et al. (1988) "Peer Social Status of Children With Anxiety Disorders." Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. Vol 56, Iss. 1. Pp. 137-141. Wittchen HU. (2002) "Generalized anxiety and depression in primary care: prevalence, recognition, and management. Institute of Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy. Vol 63. Iss. 8. Pp. 24-64. Read the full article

[galaxythreads]

Suggestions on how to improve fanfic writing prt 2 of ? -- MENTAL TRAUMA --

Part one of suggestions: 

//MY UNPROFESSIONAL OPINION!!! Based off of my experience and others. \\ :

Okay, *pops knuckles* this is something that gets written A LOT because who doesn’t love whump? Nothing more satisfying then beating down a character and emotionally scarring them worse than canon did. :) 

Here are my top 6 (unprofessional) suggestions:

-1- 97% people do not like to talk about trauma. What does this mean for writing? Stop having them open up with one prodding. A simple “are you okay?” is not going to have them sit down and go “no, here’s why, when I was a child, x happened and it’s affected my y.” No one actually talks like that in real life, okay?A few things that happen instead:

Lying. 

Revealing half truths

Revealing one (1) piece of information that is utterly horrifying then laughing about it and going “y’know, I mean that kinda sucked!” 

Humor masking EVERYTHING. If it’s not funny, you can’t talk about it, right? 

More lying. 

Revealing less traumatic things to gauge the waters, then circling around what’s really bothering them until they can finally reveal this. 

More than one conversation about the trauma

Succinct. most often, just details. 

Aversion to touch. You poke them and they’ll bite you. 

Body language is very important! Make sure to show they are uncomfortable. Even the best poker faced among us have tells. 

-2- PTSD dreams are very often not a detailed replaying of what happened. It’s one event played over and over again, but the scenario changes. For example, say you’re running for your life in the dream, but what you’re running from changes in the dream. Dreams should not be your only source of revealing information. You want to break PTSD dream tropes? Do them realistically. Honestly ask yourself when the last time you remembered 100% of the details of your dreams was. 

More suggestions on PTSD dreams:

Sure, 66% of humans will talk in their sleep, but not...not full sentences commonly. Not anything that you could really, like, understand. Just bits of mumbled information and a scattered word here and there. Again, dreams should not be your only source of information. 

Insomnia is awful. Your character is avoiding sleep to avoid dreams? I laugh with doubt if they are fully functioning. Speaking from insomniac experience, after hour 24-ish your eyes start to burn. Your limbs feel exhausted and you want to cure cancer or commit mass murder depending on the day. After hour 30, you think that you’ll never sleep again. You become aware of your heartbeat. Sometimes there are chest pains, etc. 

Waking up gasping -- great. Waking up curled into a ball and crying: better. Waking up completely and utterly still and not daring to breathe or bring attention to yourself because you’re convinced something is going to get you? !!! 

-3- Ugly coping mechanisms 

Character is traumatized? They’re going to turn to some not so great coping mechanisms. Whether this be alcohol, drugs, self-harm, eating disorders, etc. This is very often NOT a conscious decision to give themselves up to. They just. Do. Anything to make the pain stop, right? 

-4- Wounds

If your character is injured, please take that seriously. You know how long it takes to recover from a gun shot wound? Longer than you’re probably thinking. Weeks. (And it depends on where it was). Do you know what a terrible idea it is to take medicine and alcoholic beverages at the same time? (SO, so, so, much. Do not. DO NOT.) 

If they were injured and have a scar from it, they’re going to be kind of obsessive with it. Wanting other people to see so they’ll acknowledge what happened, but hiding it because they don’t want to talk about it. It’s a tug-of-war. 

ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TRAUMA:

Something not discussed that much. [But this doesn’t, just so you know, mean you shouldn’t talk to people in real life, they still very much want you to keep talking. I promise. If they’re listening, they care. If they don’t, they suck.] 

-5- Pay attention to these for those who are listening to trauma:

Body language. Do they get closer, back off? Do they attempt to offer comfort by touch, or close proximity? Are they horrified and put some sort of barrier between themselves and the Traumatized character? This could be a chair, a countertop, etc. It’s a way of mentally shielding yourself from what’s going on. This should be subtle if it’s from their POV, the speaking character is going to pay lots of attention to this, though. 

Facial expressions. Are they neutral? Are they lighting up like fireworks?

Emotions. Is there disgust? Relief? Joy? Anger? Tears?

Common thought while listening to trauma: “Oh my gosh, stop TALKING!” 

Another common thought “I have no idea what to do. Keep them talking, they have to get this out.” 

More common thoughts: “I’m making this worse.” “I need to keep them talking, if they stop I don’t know when they’ll start again.” “This is awful, I want to leave.” “Please stop talking.” “I have no idea what to do.” “Are they crying? I should get them something for tears, but I can’t move.” etc. 

^^Not pretty, but they’re not supposed to be. Look, it’s not that Listening Character doesn’t care, it’s just...sometimes it’s A Lot and we are only human. They’re 100% there, but it’s just...man, sometimes it’s a lot. 

Bodily reactions. Anxiety? Chest pain, cramping fingers, etc. Panic? Chest pain, lungs feeling like they’re too tight. Allow them to be human, too. This often sucks on both ends. 

-6- Dread 

Look. I’m not going to pretend that this isn’t a thing. But when someone starts talking about very traumatic things, as most of us are not therapists, if the ONLY thing you talk about together is trauma, then you often feel a sense of dread at the thought of seeing or speaking with them. No one really likes being an emotional crutch day in day out forever. So. This happens. It’s a dark part of realty. But in all honesty, I...don’t think I’ve ever honestly seen this potrayed...anywhere. 

(And irl, to avoid this, just, like, DO things with the people you talk to that AREN’T just discussing trauma if they aren’t your therapist. Make sure you have still have a two-sided relationship. <3)  

[werevulvi]

I don't think I've ever made an in depth post here about where my views really lie, in terms of not just gender identity/trans stuff, but gender and sex as a whole in society. Where my radfem views basically kinda mesh with MRA views. Because it's kinda difficult to put into words. But I want to try. So that you all will know who it is you're actually following. So, I wanna start off with a disclaimer that I will be using certain words and terminology that might make you frown, but please try to see those words as loose descriptions rather than as fixed labels.

I still think that radfem is what lies closest to what my views can be labeled as, if any label at all, as I agree with majority of it. However, there is an MRA twist to them. So to start off... I dunno where to start, but... patriarchy? Yes, how about that! Then let's just ramble on from there. Do I think there is a patriarchy? Yes, I do. I think what's generally called "male socialisation" is inherently destructive to women as a class, and that "female socialisation" is also inherently destructive to women. It raises men above women which takes away our agency and much of our freedom. It exploits us sexually and makes us not only get the short stick biologically but also socially. This is what I generally view as patriarchy. A world of men dominating and controlling women, a rape culture, if you may.

However, what I see, that I don't think most radfems even acknowledge, let alone agree with, is that this patriarchal system is almost as bad for men as it is for women. It assumes men as inherently awful with no chance of redemption, perpetuating basically what's called "original sin" - yet men are taught that they're disposable, only useful if they make a ton of money and sacrifice themselves and their livelihood for women and children. That is an immense burden, and this is where my MRA views come in. I view the world of men and women kinda like this: Imagine an inner circle and an outer circle. In the inner circle are women, protected yet exploited by men, objectified and hold to lesser value, as housewifes, sex objects and baby-making machines, yet don't have as high expectations to contribute in the world. They don't have to go to war, or work themselves to an early grave, they don't have to sacrifice their lives for the opposite sex. But they do have to sacrifice their freedom and their bodies, for men and for reproduction. This is a heavy burden for women to bear.

And in the outer circle are men, having more freedom, yet higher expectations to contribute in the world, as money-makers, disposable soldiers, etc. They are expected to keep the world running and never complain. They are equally as useless unless they perform their reproductive role too, and as disposable slave workers. They are less likely to face sexual and emotional abuse, but are far more likely to face virtually every other kinda abuse. They have tried to fight this injustice, like women have fought against theirs, for as long and as relentlessly, but there is less empathy for men. There always has been. Their struggle is not taken as seriously, because it is less visible. They appear to have it all, but they really don't, and those who do, fought through hell to achieve that.

Men have a biological and social advantage, yes... but for a very heavy price. A price which I don't see many women particularly willing to pay, for those advantages. A MGTOW on youtube once explained that "inner vs outer circle" thing, and... it changed my world view. Since that point I've been on and off between feminism and MRA, because deep down I know he was right. Both MRA's and feminists are right, and that's probably why they cannot work together, nor fold for the other. Nor should they! Maintaining these ideologies as opposites, as enemies, is causing far more problems than either of them are solving, I think.

On a personal note... I am willing to pay that price, for getting the opportunities that men have. Since my transition, I have been made gravely aware of that price that men pay to be successful and considered valuable. Men are NOT seen as more valuable than women. They gain value by working their asses off and making huge sacrifices along that way. If they don't... they're useless neckbeards, "beta males" or homeless with nothing at all. Women also have to put work in and make huge sacrifices to be seen as valuable. Namely, they have to sacrifice their autonomy and their dreams to be caregivers and mothers. That's a heavy price too, but women can't ever become as useless and without value as men can. Albeit horrific, women have intrinsic value in our reproductive ability, but men (according to patriarchy/society) do not have any intrinsic value. They HAVE TO work for their value.

Having said that... I no longer give a shit who has it worse, men or women.

Both suffer under this horribly dehumanising system, which is patriarchal, yes, but it's more so heteronormative. Because it all comes down to our crap biology. Because here's the thing and you may not like reading this, because this where I think MRA's are especially right, which is where I’ll probably lose most feminists: Males are biologically driven to reproduce fast and effectively. They make a ton of sperm and if they don't try to knock up as many females as possible, their genes will get lost and they'll have no family to raise. Their biological value as individuals is dependent on this. Their biological role is miniscule when it comes to breeding, so they try to make up for it by being financial providers and offering protection to females whom are physically weaker and more susceptible to harm.

Females are biologically driven to be selective with their reproduction, because if they're not, they'll go through traumatic pregnancy and childbirth for basically nothing. Females really need to make sure they pick the best genes, and their biological value is dependent on this. Which creates a huge clash between male and female goals, a constant battle hunt of prey vs predator. And that is what creates a rape culture, of males aggressively hunting females for their vaginas, and females desperately protecting their vaginas from useless genetics, bodily harms and getting pregnant too much for their bodies to handle.

This is not just about humans, hence why I wrote males and females, but practically all mammal species. What happens with humans is that we've evolved a little from our primal instincts and intellectualise our existence, and what's the meaning of life. But we still have our biological instincts, and this is what led us to create more complex societies than other mammals do, but these societies are still very similar to most other mammals' equally patriarchal, heteronormative, systems of gender roles. Men did not create this. Nature did. Beautiful, flawless, wonderous... mother nature, damned us all. Patriarchy is not a coincidence, nor a human creation at all. Our societies may be social constructs, but they are based on our reproductive instincts, which have been with us since long before we even became homo sapien.

I get angry when I write/think about all that. Not because "you're all dumb to not get this" or anything like that, but because this hierarchy seen in almost all mammals, including humans... is unavoidable and cannot be fixed. It's an unfortunate outcome of how sexually dimorphic species are biologically built to breed and continue their species. And that is what makes it so upsetting, so aggrevating, so insidious. Because no matter how much feminism, men's rights movements, LGBT communities, humanitarians, socialists and whatever the fuck it all... females will always be at a biological disadvantage, and males will always be at an biological advantage. We can't fix that. Which means, we can't fix patriarchy. Then why even bother? Why try to fight for female liberation, if patriarchy and rape cultures are unavoidable and unfixable? That's what comes down to morals, values, what we want and wish and dream. That matters, it always will, no matter the outcome! I think the world can still be made better than how it is today, especially in third world countries, and that male aggression can be better controlled. I think more choices can be opened up, for both sexes, and that the gender roles can be made less restrictive. And I think that's worth fighting for, even if it's a far cry from feminism's ultimate goal. But I need to also stay realistic and have a plan B, which is to figure out how to thrive, as an individual woman, in this patriarchal rape culture.

And my way of doing so is to try my best to live mostly as a man, taking all the shit men get, for the price of climbing higher up the ladder and avoiding (some of) the disadvantages of being recognisably female - but still take on the female roles that I want for myself, such as motherhood, and take the risks that come with that too. I don't have everything figured out yet, and I don't know what kinda relationship I want yet. But I'm starting to think that maaaybe I would benefit more from taking advantage of the straight privilege I have with my bisexuality, a more pragmatic approach... and get myself a decent househusband, for more convenient breeding. I would like to date another woman again, don't get me wrong, but that feels a bit unfit for my goals, unfortunately. I don’t wanna make hard shit even harder for myself, when it can be avoided.

Love... isn't my main driving factor in relationships anymore. Although I'm gonna need to think it through VERY properly, if I really think that setting love aside for a more practical partner arrangement, is actually a good idea. Regardless, however, I do have attraction to men, but even straight women can marry for practicality and end up miserable and abused because of it. So it has nothing much to do with sexual orientation on that point, but it does in the sense that homosexual marriage can't really be made for practicality. Marrying for practicality is an extremely heteronormative move to make, and one that has been used against homosexuality for centuries, to force gay people into straight marriage. This makes me... extremely uncomfortable and angry, on behalf of all gay people out there, of course.

Yet... I am intrigued by the idea for myself only, as I see the option of marriage from more angles than I used to. I still think marriage should of course be for love as well, and I would never want to choose for others why or whom they should marry, or not marry. That whole dream I have might also be taking on a way too heavy burden and responsibility on my already crumbling shoulders, to aim at being both the provider and a mother, but I want both those things, so it might be worth it. And with that said, having a useful, good, respectful and resourceful husband might be more important to me personally, than any cute frumpy lump of a dude that I just so happen to fall in love with. (But I also wanna point out that my goals and dreams have been switching a lot lately, so please take this sudden, baffling idea of mine with a grain of salt. I'm gonna focus on getting my own ass together first, before I even consider handing it over to someone else again, and I have a lot to work on.) However, say if I'll end up going that route, that is me basically playing into the hands of patriarchy, for the price of getting the best life I can give myself in a broken world which cannot be fixed. I'm not saying my goals are in any way somehow universally favourable. You do you, I do me.

But at the same time I also wanna be inspirational, especially for other women, but in general too. I'll prove to the lot of you that despite being considered a "hopeless case" irrevokably mentally disabled, I'll goddamn make myself into a money-making baby-maker AND a goddamn awesome one at that. I won't give up on my dreams of having a job, financial and emotional stability, and a child. I also won't "correct" myself to fit into the beauty norms of women. I will continue to refuse getting fake tits, laser hair removal, feminising voice training, feminine clothing, makeup, etc. I'm slowly accepting, embracing and coming to terms with being a manly, masculine or even transmasculine, proud woman. And you wanna know why it matters to feminism? Because if I can be a woman, looking like this, living like this... then ALL other gnc females can too. Because not to brag or anything, but I don't think anyone else has taken being gnc quite as far as me before. Almost everywhere I go, I am considered "too masculine" to even be a woman, despite being female, which is a problem that to varying degress affects all gnc females, but I will work hard to change that. And if I succeed to... I'll be paving one fuck of a path for all gnc women after me. You're welcome, sisters.

Furthermore, regardless of my own heterocentric breeding fantasies and whether I make them real or not, I will absolutely continue to stand up and fight for gay, and especially lesbian, rights. No one should be forced, coerced or otherwise shoved into heterosexual stuff against their will, including "girldicks" and "boypussies" - and yes, I will die on that hill. I listen, I hear you, and I will help you spread your word. To wrap it up: So I do CARE about feminism, and trying to make the world a better place by trying to reduce the harm and being a good example in some ways, and I take a very similar approach as radical feminists. I just have a bit of an MRA leaning to my view on patriarchy, which does NOT make that patriarchy any more favourable. I also have a heck of a lot more pessimism about the future prospects of humanity's... own goddamn demise. I'm a nihilist at heart, what can I say? I may love women more... but I don't hate men. No matter how badly many of them have hurt me. No matter how much my c-ptsd makes me fear them. I wanna work with men for a better world that should benefit all of us, not work against them. Yes, I will sleep with the enemy... both figuratively and literally.

[not-a-space-alien]

Thoughts on hurt/comfort and racism in fanfiction

So I may be COMPLETELY off in this analysis but I was curious to hear other people's thoughts on this, and to maybe point me in the right direction if I've gone wrong somewhere. I'm just giving fandom trends some critical thought and wondering what exactly is the best thing to do.

A very popular fanfiction trope is hurt/comfort, angst, "hurt the cutie," woobification, whatever you want to call it. This sometimes includes violence, loss of bodily autonomy, and/or any number of unpleasant and traumatic experiences. People are interested in reading and writing about such awful things happening to their favorite characters for a number of different reasons.

Now I'm ruminating on the ramifications of having a character of color in this role. Media at large has an unfortunate history and tendency of portraying characters of color, especially black characters, in conjunction with violence, repeatedly showing black bodies as the target of death and injury. Treating black characters, essentially, as disposable. See: "the black guy dies first." I'm not a film guy and not overly familiar with it, but I've read enough analyses of it on Tumblr and the like to become increasingly aware of it and exactly how problematic and harmful this is for real-life actual people of color, that we're all constantly seeing this.

So my thought is....it seems wrong, then, to put a character of color in the role of the punching bag for angst, h/c, woobification, etc, because it continues that traditional rooted in racism.

But at the same time.....the point of hurt the cutie is that it evokes emotions of protectiveness in the audience. The woobie is a cinnamon roll of a character that doesn't deserve bad things to happen to them and, consequently, seeing them subjected to horrible angst and feeling the gut-wrenching poor little guy, I want to wrap him up in a blanket. The character is not disposable; far from it, this only happens to characters the fans like a lot. It's essentially an exercise in empathy. And that's why I'm a little suspicious of people who can't, or won't, put any non-white characters in that position, to frame them as someone soft and vulnerable needing protection and worthy of empathy. Because lack of empathizing with characters of color is a real and awful trend among white audiences, even ones who claim not to be racist. (It took me a very long time to realize this and get over it.)

So now I'm thinking about the new Star wars trilogy and the bits of fandom I've seen of it. One of the foremost characters is Finn, a black man. Who has a very sad, angsty, traumatic past and childhood and who is an absolute cutie and cinnamon roll. He is primo woobie material. And yet, most of the angst I saw was about Kylo Ren, a character not nearly as sympathetic to the audience, less developed, less fleshed out and less interesting, but who was white. And I really, really think if Finn had been white, the ratio of angst fic about him vs Kylo would have shifted dramatically in favor of Finn, and not because fans are so conscientious about wanting to avoid the racism of enacting violence upon a black character in fanfiction. He just wasn't as attractive of a character to latch onto, emotionally, for this purpose, and I don't want to be preachy, but I feel like it's really obvious why.