#.... jewish bruv

[flopsy-art]

everytime a fic makes Spock celebrate Christmas I lose a little bit of my soul

[what-even-is-sleep]

Finally filled out a form that had Jewish as an option under ethnicity!!!!!!!!

[omegalomania]

i haven't seen anyone post about this yet here but today a new comic series was announced that joe was a part of! it's called holy roller and issue #1 will be available november 22nd.

It's not every day that a publisher announces a new comic co-written by comedian Andy Samberg and Fall Out Boy's Joe Trohman. But that's what happened at Comic-Con, as Image Comics revealed the first details about Holy Roller. Billed as a cross between Kingpin, Inglourious Basterds and Batman, Holy Roller is a darkly comedic superhero series about a bowling ball-wielding vigilante. He'll have to bowl the perfect game when his hometown becomes overrun by Neo-Nazis. [...] “If you have ever found yourself wondering, ‘Why is there no comic book about a vigilante hero who smashes people's faces in with a bowling ball?’ you are in LUCK, bruv!" said Samberg. Trohman added: “This is an intensely personal book that will resonate with all. A hyper-stylized yarn, but informed by the bleak reality we’ve all come to know. It’s also your one-stop-shop for a bad-ass Jewish guy kicking, punching, and bowling-balling Neo-Nazis into oblivion!”

[muffin-man-marq-lynch]

So you're MJF...

You're the up and coming prodigy, the future of wrestling in the company that's going to save wrestling, the 5'8" bullied ADHD riddled Jewish kid from Long Island who's going to prove them all wrong, except... You're 28 now, and your name doesn't show up in the '30 under 30' and hot new talent lists any more. The company you work for and tied your name to as a pillar gets talked about more as a joke of wasted potential and mismanagement these days than the shining beacon of the future, and 'the bidding war of 2024' is over. You won, you guess. (This is what winning feels like, right?)

You have no mentor, no friends, (stable, bodyguards, backup) just a long line of people you didn't let get close and people you let get too close that proved you right. You get asked about your legacy in a scrum that already feels like a lifetime ago, and say you don't need to build it: You've built it. Longest AEW world championship title reign (it is real it's real) Best dog collar match. Best iron man match. Best feuds.

But you're here. And you don't care what anyone says- ("I think Max is a very talented individual... but the grass is greener where you water it, and I think Max likes to shit where he eats") But you're here, for now.

And yeah, you might be a little... Uninspired. But you can be Useful. You've always been good at being Useful. You're a draw, love you or not, people come to see you (AEW Dynamite viewership hits all time low June 2024) and that's valuable. You can still carry this company on your shoulders, all by yourself.

So you go out, and you shill, every show and every promo and you even fight on a Wednesday night as a first card again and goddamn but you have to work for it harder than you remember (you're 28 now, are things going to be like this forever?) And you say good things about the company and generous shit about the assholes you work with and your patter might be a bit rote these days but you still talk up every legend you work with to pay them respect and let the rubes in the audience know they should too, but maybe you start trying to do it more often with the younger guys too. It's nice, a couple mention you in interviews as being good in the locker rooms among a short list of other names, and you've never been one for just placing, but it's not that kind of competition.

But then Danny Garcia stands up in the middle of a show in New York (Buffalo, but still), and says... All of that. And it's the first time someone's acknowledged you're trying out here (Besides Caster, even when you weren't really Caster thought that) And just when you're feeling like maybe you haven't just made the wrong choices (You could have at least opened the letter from the other company to make sure it was an offer) Will Fucking Ospreay comes bouncing out on stage to stomp all over your moment.

And you stand in the corner of the ring in the three inch boots you have to wear now while dropping lines about 'both being little guys' (it's just for the camera Max the height disparity doesn't play well on screen thanks for being a team player) and wonder how this happened.

There was a moment you had it all, you're almost sure of it. You've tried to be Good, to be Better Than You Were every day before in appreciation of that fact because that's what you have to do, right? That's what you're supposed to do, Get Better. Better at wrestling, at shilling, at mentoring the guys in the locker room, at opening yourself up to get stomped on again... And you have. You've matured, you keep your mouth shut, you congratulate Danny, leave to let the show get going (already running behind now thanks Bruv ) and for just a moment you let yourself wonder what prize you're really fighting for now.

You Grew, You Got Better, but no one cared, (Adam Never Cared) because at a certain point you weren't competing against any of them anymore. At some point you realize, you were just doing it because the only competition staredown that felt worth having was the one that happened every morning looking in the mirror.

Watching Ospreay flit around and interrupt you, promising a shot at a belt he doesn't even have yet (Your belt) feeling Garcia and the attention of every other Buffalo hick turn for whatever piece of glitz floats their way though?

You're MJF.

You're Better Than Them.

You Always Have Been.

It's time to make them Remember that fact.

[naggingatlas]

i love just lyyyying to people about my name no its not a traditional gagauz one mysterious and with hundreds of years of history nah bruv its the #2 most stereotypical jewish name in odessa. its literally jacob. sorry.

[thetemplarknight]

How to talk like a Victorian Londoner

How to talk like a Victorian Londoner

Have you ever wanted to talk like a Victorian Londoner – not a posh one, but a street kid with plenty of 19th century attitude? Maybe a character in a Charles Dickens novel like the Artful Dodger!

Well, I’m now going to teach you how to talk like a London urchin circa 1851. I’m using various sources but Mayhew’s London published that year is where I’ve picked up most of the terrible language…

[jake-g-lockley]

Double Wedding Bells (Moon Knight x desi!reader)

Masterlist

Summary: Three men and two very different wedding ceremonies, how hard could that be?

Warnings: I am not Jewish or Telugu so there might be some things that are not precisely accurate, almost all of the stuff that is ceremony-wise is gotten through research, mentions of DID.

Word Count: 1.8k words

A/N: This is a request from @sodonuthideout thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to write this <3333 (translations are at the end of the fic, enjoy)

Moon Boys POV

Marc fidgets with his cufflinks again, tugging the edge of his suit as he frowns at Steven and Jake in the mirror.

“We look fine, hermano, calm your nerves.” Jake says, giving Marc a smile. 

“Yea, bruv, we cleaned up pretty well.” Steven chimed in with a blinding grin. 

“I can’t believe that we’re getting married to her.” Marc whispers. 

After 2 and a half years of courting Y/N, the boys decided about 2 months ago that it was time to pop the important question. They knew that they didn't want to spend the rest of their life with anyone else if it wasn’t her. She was their lucky charm, the light to their darkness and so much has gone so well for them over the past few years that Marc could hardly believe it.

He had reconciled with his father and they both had been going to therapy sessions where Marc has been dealing with his past traumas and DID. His relationship with Y/N had never been better and although he was still Moon Knight, Khonshu has been much more relaxed over the past few months. 

“Looking great, my Knight.” Khonshu says, patting Marc’s shoulders. 

A knock sounded at the door and Marc’s father opened the door and peeked through. He walked up to Marc and smiled at him, taking in his son. He adjusted his tie and Marc saw a tear slip from his fathers eyes, which he automatically brushed off his face.  

“I’m so proud of the man that you have become, my son. Thank you for taking me back into your life.” his father says, cupping Marc’s face with his hands. “It's time.”

Taking a deep breath and adjusting his kippah, Marc followed his father out of the room.

☾ .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Marc stared at the ketubah, waiting for Y/N. He nervously looked at the rabbi who smiled reassuringly back at him. Soon, the sweet smell of roses mixed with the heavenly smell of Y/N’s signature perfume floated towards him. When Marc turned to look at her, he swore that he could have been knocked off his feet in an instant. 

She was wearing a beautiful pure white lace saree with a long sleeved blouse, topped with a stunning veil that was cascading down her perfectly curled hair down her back.  The veil was a small gift from Khonshu, who had a soft spot for Y/N, and Marc could see little silver crescent moons on the veil glowing slightly, making her look absolutely ethereal while she clutched the modest bouquet of white roses. He almost didn’t hear Steven and Jake audibly gasp in the headspace as he stared dreamily at her. 

She reached out and gave Marc’s hand a soothing squeeze and the both of them turned to look at the ketubah, reading it and signing it with Marc’s father and the rabbi as witnesses. Marc then turned back to her, as instructed by the rabbi, and took a long look at her beautiful smiling face before he veilling her. 

He then stepped forward to take his place beside his father as she took her place in the middle of her parents. To Marc, this was probably the most overwhelming part of the ceremony where he had to walk to the chuppah lacking one parent. 

“It's alright, Marc, Jake and I are here with you every step of the way.” Steven’s voice fills Marc’s pounding heart with the supportive affirmation and he realigns himself again as they begin to walk down the aisle. 

Marc took his place on the right of the decorated chuppah while Y/N took her place in front of him, her parents behind her. They only invited a few people that were very close to them for this ceremony. Marc caught Frenchie’s eye, who gave him a wink and Marc grinned back at his old friend. The various rituals and blessings went by quicker than Marc expected it to. 

The guest cheered “Mazel tov!” as Marc hears the glass shatter under his heel. He turned to look at his Y/N who was smiling at him with the most beautiful look on her face.

“Ready for the other ceremony, my handsome husbands?” she whispers. 

“Ready when you are, our angelic wife.” 

Your POV

You stared down at the beautiful gorintaku that covered both of your arms as your mom helped you with your nakshi vaddanam, a beautiful but heavy pure gold belt that adorned your belly. The vaddanam was a gift from Steven, who had carefully picked out the belt after thoroughly researching it, finding one that suited your style as well as complemented your tradition. 

They had popped the question on a random Tuesday night when you were lying on their lap reading a book with your tongue between your teeth and a stupid expression on your face as you judged the book characters actions. Marc was the one who was fronting when the question was asked and it was so fluid, as if he was asking what's for dinner the next day. 

You remember staring down at the band that Marc was holding between his fingers absolutely confused. Your mind had refused to work for a few seconds until Marc’s soft cough filled your ringing ears. You could barely form the words to say yes to the question because of the sheer shock that was coursing through your head. 

Your best friend, who is also your maid of honor, grabbed the eyelash glue and tapped a little on your forehead, helping your papidi billa stick to your forehead, right above the special gold amulet that was tied with yellow thread. You felt like a real regal queen in your red and gold saree. The veil that was gifted by Khonshu for the Jewish ceremony had magically shifted colors to match your saree, now a sheer gold with tiny glowing gold crescents and was pinned to the top of your braid that had been done up with fresh fragrant flowers. 

You couldn't wait to get married to your boys again and you could feel the waterworks starting up. You were so exhausted with all the prep you had to do but so excited to start your new life with the boys. The nerves started edging up on you this morning and all you wanted to do is see their face and feel their presence next to you. 

“Come, kanna, it's time to go up to the mandapam.” Your mother says, pressing a small kiss on your temple.  

You say a little prayer, hoping that everything would go as smooth as possible and you grab your best friend’s hand, taking a deep breath to diminish the nerves. 

☾ .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

You take your place in the middle chair between your parents, behind the curtain called the terasala, which was hiding Marc from your view and the ceremony starts. You watch as your parents wash his feet and offer him your hand. Marc states his promises after accepting your hand and you feel your eyes tearing up again, listening to his soft sweet voice. 

The priest calls the auspicious time as cumin and jaggery paste is smeared on your hand. You lift your hand over the curtain until you feel Marc’s soft curls under your hand and you feel his hand on your head. The curtain drops and you see Marc for the first time, wearing a silk white kurta and dhoti with the same amulet tied around his forehead. You grin at him as rose petals cascade over the both of you.

All you could focus on is Marc’s beautiful deep set eyes and how you are doing this so that you could spend the rest of your living days staring into those adoring eyes. Those eyes flashed to Steven and then to Jake and back again to Marc. You wanted all of them, the good, the bad and the ugly. You never wanted anything more in your life. 

He sends you a small wink as the both of you lower your hands and the priest hands him the mangalsutra. Yellow rice rains around you and him as the music around you crescendos.

Marc leans in and ties the sacred yellow thread smeared with haldi around your neck with three knots. 

“I love you, I love you so much.” he whispers.

“I love you too.” you say as tears run down your face, the feeling of peace settling in you as Marc seals the eternal action with an unceremonious kiss on your forehead. 

☾ .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Translations:

Hermano: Brother

Kippah: A kippah, yarmulke, or koppel is a brimless cap, usually made of cloth, traditionally worn by Jewish males to fulfill the customary requirement that the head be covered. 

Ketubah: A ketubah is a Jewish marriage contract.

Chuppah:  A canopy under which the bride and groom stand during a Jewish wedding ceremony.

Mazel tov: "Mazel tov" or "mazal tov" is a Jewish phrase used to express congratulations for a happy and significant occasion or event. 

Gorintaku: AKA henna. Temporary body art resulting from the staining of the skin from the dyes.

Nakshi vaddanam: This ornament is worn on the belly of the bride. In earlier days, this belt had a lot of significance as it was a symbol showing the woman’s child-bearing abilities. The Vaddanam would often be designed with precious and semi-precious beautiful stones. Most often, this belt would be carved with different images of Lord Vishnu, Goddess Lakshmi and her consort

Papidi billa: “Papidi billa”(maang tikka) is a piece of jewelry worn in the middle of parting of the hair and is meant for adorning the forehead. 

Saree: A sari or saree is a women's garment from the Indian subcontinent, that consists of an un-stitched stretch of woven fabric arranged over the body as a robe, with one end tied to the waist, while the other end rests over one shoulder as a stole (shawl), baring a part of the midriff

Kanna: Darling

Mandapam: A wedding Mandap is a mandap (covered structure with pillars) temporarily erected for the purpose of a Hindu or Jain wedding. The main wedding ceremonies take place under the mandap.

Terasala: Tera means curtain and sela is cloth. So, it literally means a cloth used as a curtain, between the bride and the groom.

Kurta: A loose collarless shirt of a type worn by people in South Asia

Dhoti: A garment worn by male Hindus, consisting of a piece of material tied around the waist and extending to cover most of the legs.

Mangalsutra: In many parts of India a pendant necklace — called a mangalsutra, or “auspicious thread,” is tied around a Hindu bride's neck during the wedding ceremony, a symbol that the couple is bound in matrimony and an indication of the bride's new status as a married woman

Tagging: @pakhiya @brekkers-desigirl @wordacadabra @ahookedheroespureheart @swiggy-needs-mental-help @mintpurplemnm @soumya-13 @softieekayy

[cykes-dono]

gina lestrade for the character asks <3 because even tho i don’t know who she is she’s pretty

GINAAAA

1: sexuality headcanon: aint no lie baby bi bi bi

2: otp: ginasusa I never stfu abt them

3: brotp: KAZUMA. they’d be so funny. also Gregson but he’s her dad not her bro

4: notp: I see too much of her and Ryuu it’s weird.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head: she’s jewish. NOT christian that DIDNT happen

6: one way in which I relate to this character: teenage girl b getting accused of crimes . also this close to matching traumas

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: cockney accent. oi bruv let’s go up the apples and stairs, China plate, share a cup ‘f hips or wotovor. bitch.

8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?: cinnamon roll however she cries worms

[0h-you-kn0w]

Random tlh headcanons

The Loud siblings each have their own tiktok and are on different tiktoks, sometimes they'll show up on eachothers fyp and it's sweet because they get so excited for eachother ❤️

Luan knows the basic chords to the guitar and will sometimes play a lil silly song whenever she feels like it (Luan: anyway here's wonderwall-)

Since he's been Lynn's sparring partner/punching bag since he was able to walk, Lincoln's probably the only one out of all their siblings to keep up with her (when he actually tries that is)

Lana makes mudpies in the shape of hearts when someone is sad

Since our mans has 10 sisters, this is bound to happen. Lincoln low key keeps a little compact for makeup in case of a "Makeup Emergency" (he usually carries it around during pageant season)

Lori calls Lincoln "little gamer" whenever he gets anxiety attacks

Speaking of, our boy probably gets diagnosed with general anxiety disorder by Lisa and his only reaction is: "it be like that ✨"

Lynn and Lincoln got into an argument over who would rock a skirt better so they threw a lil fashion show competition and Lincoln won

Luna smoked one (1) cigarette one time at a concert and she cried of how bad it tasted and how it hurt her lungs

That doesn't stop her from smoking weed but aight queen

Leni, Lincoln, Lola, and (surprisingly) Lucy go get manicures every two weeks

The "Treat Yo Self" bit from parks and recs is SO Lori and Leni (Lincoln is the one who dresses like batman)

Every Mother's Day since they became friends, Clyde would bring Lincoln's mom a bouquet of flowers and some chocolates since she's probably the closest thing he has to a mother figure

Lola speaks like Stan Twitter

Lori, Leni, Luan and Lincoln talk like gen z bitches in the tiktok comments

Luan accidentally taught Lily how to say "Periodt ✨"

Lynn has OCD, that's why she's so dead set on her superstitions and routines, this is also why she's obsessed with sports and winning and why she doesn't actually believe that she's that good of a player so she relies on her compulsions (good luck rituals) to adhere to her obsession (winning in sports)

The kids make a bathroom schedule based on how long they spend in there. It goes shortest to longest (shortest being Lana, longest being Leni)

Luan regularly gets detention for pulling pranks on either her peers of the faculty (she even got suspended once or twice)

Lincoln is Pan-romantic, Lynn is Bi-romantic, Luna's bi (obviously), Luan is also Pan, Leni too. Lori's straight lmao

Lucy most definitely put a curse or too on her bullies

Lori would probably have to room with a bunch of people at college because she literally cannot handle living without 4 or more people at a time (gets too quiet for her)

Whenever her sibling's bring their s/o to the house, Lola would go and personally invite them to tea and cookies in her room (where she goes and interrogates them to see if they're worthy), with Lincoln as the butler of course (he does it voluntarily bc he wants in on the interrogation)

Sam and Benny are by far her favourite guests as Lola loves the dramatic flair Benny brings to the tea table, and Sam's vibes are just immaculate.

Lincoln's definitely the best dancer out of the whole clan (Lisa comes in a close second)

Speaking of, Lisa probably swears the most because of how often she listens to rap (she said fuck once and Lori flipped the FUCK out), Lynn comes in second for once, then Luan, and then Lincoln (shocking I know but he's earned it)

I like to think Lincoln is albino (fuck what the writers say, boy has white hair) and most people with albinism have sight problems (mostly trouble processing lots of light at once), so he ends up needing glasses when he enters highschool

He also has a special sunscreen so his skin doesn't hurt in direct sunlight. He also can't tan

Lori has contacts but has a spare pair of glasses that she wears when she's too lazy to put in her contacts (like on the weekends or when she's sick)

Benny is Jewish! He takes his religion very seriously, and is most definitely Kosher. When they get older, Luan considers converting to Judaism (so she can make a bunch of jewish jokes but shh) and they raise their kids with both jewish and catholic teachings

The Louds are Catholic btw, but they only go to church on Christmas and Easter. They're one of those families (like mine lmao)

They have slumber parties whenever there's a long weekend, braid train sessions are very common (Lincoln, Luna, and Lisa are the caboose), they have pillow fights (Lynn yeeted her mattress at Lincoln once), and put all the pillows and blankets on the floor and sleep in a big ole blanket nest together (gotta have some family time bruvs)

Feel free to add on! 👁️👄👁️

[simplysnipes]

When I Hear A Person Use The Term “ Independent” To Describe Their Placement In Society, The First Thing I Know About Them Is That They’ve Been Misinformed About What That Title Means And They Are Probably A Little Bit Selfish [More On That At Another Time].

A Grossly Overlooked Factor Within The Black Power/Black Independence Dynamic & One of The Biggest Downfalls of American Blacks [Besides Us Not Have A Culture That Supports & Ensures Our Survival In The Race] Is That America Is Essentially The Wild-West For Us. We Do Not See Each Other As A Family, As Kin, As A Tribe.

We Prefer Individualism Over Unity & Cooperation. We Prefer Paying Rent In Separate Shoebox Apartments Owned By Jewish Landlords Than Building Equity In A Seven Bedroom Family Estate.

The Reason Why The Tribal System Worked So Well Is Because Everyone In The Community Saw The Value In Sticking Together & Made Sacrifices That Were For The Benefit of The Tribe. Having A Culture Administered & Regulated By The Elders of The Tribe Created A Set of Rules & Customs That Everyone Abided By & Creates The Balance That we Currently Do Not Have.

-Peace

Your Bruv

#TodaysMathematics

#Community

[shoezuki]

As someone who's Jewish,joke made me laugh tbh. Like u said,he clearly doesn't make fun of Jewish ppl,but more about how weird & asinine that people are unironically talking abt a dead man's sexuality when,hello,he's a fukin dictator!Jews make fun of him all the time,it empowers us,& helps us move forward while not forgetting the atrocities. Anyhow,twt getting offended for other groups is a case of "Gilita et America?",slang to "what else is new?"(sarcasm) /"you've just discovered America?!"

ALKGHS;KLJGHLS;IH IVE NEVER HEARD THAT TERM THATS GOOD

n thankyou for ur input bruv like. glad for the input n the more ppl im hearin sayin its weird as hell really proves point enough that twitter discourse is a Hell

[jewpacabruhs]

bruv im still jus. wow. theres so much to say but. do u kno how good it feels... to be jewish, to accidentally fixate on one eric cartman & love him more than any other fictional character for almost seven years now, and then to see him in a little yarmulke, standing at kyle's side while he recites from the torah? do you know how validating that is?

i gotta get personal for a second here. idk how, but in the last few yrs my relationship with my own jewishness has been deeply influenced and intertwined with south park, as ironic and ridiculous as that sounds. i grew up secular, completely nonpracticing; as a child, i was only ethnically jewish, and saw jews as strictly an ethnicity, and a popularly hated one to boot. and it scared me. ive talked about it before, but as a child hearing about the shoah and about antisemitism, i couldn't understand. i thought it was looks for a while, which confused me, because ive got blonde hair and blue eyes and all my family that got caught up in nazi europe did/do too. i remember thinking as a second grader that i would've been spared for that reason; why didn't a good chunk of my family? but i grew up in a mormon neighborhood, with plenty of other blonde kids, and they stayed away from me like i had a disease. this was before puberty, before my hair got a little frizzier and my nose got a little bigger, when i looked just like any of them. but already, at age 8, i was an outsider. i wasn't one of them and i never would be, and they wanted me to know that.

and then i started to get it. it clicked even more once i got to high school and got called a kike every other day - but prior to high school, you know what i found, and you know what really pushed me towards understanding what being a secular jew in america meant? south park. and as a dumb little sixth grader with no critical thinking skills, you know what shaped my opinions on my own people? south park.

and that's good and bad. good because i do sincerely think kyle broflovski is excellent fictional representation for jewish people, maybe one of the top few ever shown on television. he gets on my nerves at times, but he's good through and through, he's well written and multi-dimensional, he's not a walking stereotype but he still has prominent jewish features that jewish viewers can look at and see in themselves, his morals and viewpoints and beliefs are obviously deeply influenced by judaism, hes deeply proud of his heritage and culture... and that all means a lot to me. and by the amount of jewish sp fans that adore kyle, it means a lot to them too.

the bad thing is, yeah, i can't deny it, during older seasons, cartman's treatment of kyle probably taught a lot of young and dumb viewers how to view jews in real life. have i, as a kyman shipper and cartman stan, justified that within a fictional and narrative context? yes. but it doesn't change the real-world effect; south park, but specifically cartman, since he's the mouthpiece, likely did cause some easily-influenced people to pick up antisemitic beliefs. did this contribute to the rise of the alt-right? debatable, but to some extent, possibly. was that m&t's intention and should south park be canceled and denounced? fuck no, i'll always love it lol, and fuck censorship. but it is something that should be taken into account.

matt and trey clearly regret that, and understand that it's no longer acceptable or fitting or needed in today's sociopolitical climate - or, okay, maybe they don't even regret it; they just understand that when fiction becomes reality, the fictional jackass isn't necessary when there's one right there in real life, sitting in the oval office, yeah? old cartman doesn't deserve or need a voice, not when real, awful people actually have one right now. and m&t are actively trying to change cartman for the better and really, really backpedal on his bigotry, while still doing it in a way that makes sense from a story-telling perspective. it's not a complete uncharacteristic change of character; it's shifting with the times and writing it into the character's arc so that it's a logical and plausible development in cartman's story.

cartman's behavior in the last few seasons is consistent character development. m&t themselves are pushing it, and clearly it's sincere; cartman's not faking. unless they're building up a surprise twist over the last, what, three to four seasons, that he was faking the whole time! woah! if so it better be a damn good pay off, because that's a lot of time invested. though that seems more forward-thinking than sp tends to be. they're intentionally stuck in the short-term, aren't they? plot-wise. but their character development is pretty long-term, and right now, cartman is consistently decent, and if it comes across as faking, it's because cartman's over-dramatic in how he speaks, and trey does that intentionally.

that's a tonal thing, and it's hard to say in a fictional character, but as someone who struggles with empathy myself, empathy and sincerity don't go hand in hand. you can lack empathy while still caring enough to sincerely and wholeheartedly apologize for something and mean that apology. not feeling remorse doesn't mean you can't apologize genuinely; the two don't go hand in hand. you can be mentally ill in any capacity, even a psychopath, and still deeply care about things or people, just not in the way someone else might. so you can headcanon that cartman's still a psycho/sociopath, though right now that's actually kinda going against canon, but don't rain on other's parades if they're happy he's exhibiting healthy growth. besides, and i repeat: what could cartman exploit out of faking sincerity for several seasons? nothing, so why bother? he wouldn't, unless it's literal in-show subconscious growth.

does that mean he's magically developed empathy? no. is it becoming less probable he's a legitimate sociopath/psychopath (while still possibly having better-disguised antisocial tendencies)? yes. does he seem to have better coping or anger management skills? somehow, yes! he seems to be legitimately healthier. does this mean he's no longer accountable for his past misdeeds, and even his present, less-severe ones? of course not! and you can still hate him all you want, but modern cartman is not the same as older cartman, and shouldn't be treated as such. because is this growth? absolutely.

he's clearly healthier, even happier. he's less angry, he's still a little shit but he no longer relies on bigotry or cruelty or anger to get the negative attention he thrives off, rather he gravitates towards being simply annoying. you know why he called ice? pettiness, immaturity, a little bit of spite, and a need for silly revenge. he's being intentionally petty, but going about it in a sly but no longer psychopathic way. less hannibal lector and more, idk, regina george, lol. extremely different on the antagonist scale. and cartman's been both.

and maybe it's personal bias on what type of human is worse within fiction, someone unstable and bizarre with violent tendencies (which is how he's come to be viewed in pop culture & some of the fandom, as a result of eps like scott tenorman must die), versus someone inclined towards pettiness and more silent and, i dunno, social-status-and-pride-driven types of revenge (cartman in general when he's not being particularly awful, tbh)... but i think it'd be pretty universally agreed that the latter is at the very least more tolerable, manageable, and even likeable - and certainly more redeemable. let's put it this way; if cartman continued on the path he was on, he'd be one of those tiki holding fucks, wearing a confederate flag hat, and he'd treat kyle soooo much worse. instead, m&t have turned him into a hypocritical false-woke ignorant dumbass - but that's strongly less problematique than it's counterpart, and it works.

because cartman simply serves a different narrative purpose now. and that's not sloppy writing; it's well-timed evolution of a character that stepped into a pre-9/11, pre-trump, pre-social media world! so much has changed, and south park is reflecting that in its characters, most notably in a character who was stuck in the, what, 1960s with his beliefs? that was fine way back when, but matt&trey are smart dudes - they understand that sometimes things have to change. besides, they love cartman, too. he's their favorite. but they understand that when real people act like him, it's not so comedic or satirical or funny, & they don't want to look at cartman, at their creation who they've invested twenty-two years in, and see the all-too-real hate of modern radical white america.

i think we know enough about matt&trey's social stances these days, and the empathy they've seemed to develop after having kids, to understand that they're no longer in their "apathy is best, everyone is stupid" phase. current south park is left-leaning and admittedly preachy at times, but i wouldn't want it any other way. g-d knows it's better this way than if they'd embraced and decided to appeal to their right-libertarian following instead. cartman's evolved in a progressive and positive way, and it's fucking dope, especially to us cartman stans who so badly want him to be good. and he is good right! he's doing so good!

and i know im up my own ass rn but yall know how much i myself have campaigned for jewish kyman/cartman and how much i just deeply and truly adore it, and to see it actualized in a canon episode to some extent? that meant the world to me. i couldn't believe my eyes. i was tellin lai - that's the most genuine, pure, almost violent happiness ive felt in my soul in years. that was like a straight shot of serotonin to the heart. that simple little scene made me so fucken happy yall dont even know. & theres a lot to be said about the political commentary and plenty of other people are analyzing that, but im a simple jewish kyman & cartman stan and boy ive been fed good fjskfkdkdkfk!!!

[pinballwitxh]

the mentees - part 1 (eggsy unwin x oc)

summary: a seasoned kingsman agent witnesses eggsy’s last test and sends him off with some advice. budding feelings between the two are even more intense as both witness the death of harry hart and turn to each other for comfort.

warnings: just a sh*t ton of violence and cussing cause, ya know, this is kingsman.

honestly i’m not sure how this will turn out but i love the church scene so much and i love eggsy so this will be my experiment phase with writing for him! def into harry hart as daddy too soooooo that will def be coming up in my master list soon. enjoy! also I super apologize for weird spacing and shit cause idk tumblr is weird w the phone sometimes.

The agent stared down at the computer screen with brows furrowed and hands gripping the armrests, “Come on, Eggsy, it’s just a blank. . .”

The recruit held his stance in front of JB, his beloved pug, gun pointed and ready. She could see the struggle in his eyes and it made her so frustrated that he wouldn’t just do it. The dogs had become close companions to the recruits, that was part of the idea behind owning a dog in the agency. This was probably one of the hardest tests out of them all, she had decided after passing it herself.

On the other monitor stood Roxy before her own poodle, gun aimed and ready.

She pulled the trigger and visibly the tension in her shoulders released. Merlin was congratulating her with a pat on the back, whereas Eggsy was still rigid and aiming. Arthur was growing very obviously impatient and she knew that Eggsy would not be able to do it.

In the end, he had the biggest heart of them all.

This proved to be true as he handed the gun back to Arthur, head down and ashamed. She watched as he scooped JB up into his arms and left the room quietly. Immediately she was running out of the room and met Eggsy at the bottom of the grand staircase.

“Why didn’t you do it?”

“You fuckin’ kidding me?” he snapped, “What a bullshit place this is-”

“Why would you even say that? You trained so hard, Eggsy, and you gave it all up for-”

“My fucking dog? Yeah, I did so why don’t you just leave me the hell alone and go back to your posh suits and fancy cars and forget all about me?”

‘I’d never want to forget about you, Eggsy Unwin.’

For a moment she was silent and shocked, the two had become such good friends and she would be lying if she said those words had not hurt. Agents were not supposed to have any romantic relationships, even close friendships like the one they had was hard to navigate in the agency. Eggsy pulled JB protectively close to his chest and looked down at his feet.

“That isn’t what I meant, Eggsy, you could be so great here,” she paused and placed a tender hand on his arm, “I think you might change your mind if you talk to Harry.”

The feeling of his warm skin beneath her hand felt like electricity. She had felt this way around Eggsy several times leading up to this moment, but it was so intense.

“I’m packin’ my things and goin’ home, ain’t nowhere else for me to go and I am not talking to that fucker.”

She shoved him, “Don’t talk about Harry like that, he got you here!”

“And I obviously wasn’t meant for it, so I’m not going to disappoint ‘im any more,” he began to walk away but before exiting, he turned back to her, “Y’know, you ain’t so bad,”

She crossed her arms, “Well thanks,”

He smirked, “Maybe I’ll see ya ‘round, luv?”

“That’s up to you, Eggsy.”

‘Please don’t leave.’

He nodded once more and turned to leave, reluctantly, and her heart plummeted. Once his figure disappeared from the sunlight she sighed and headed back towards the office. Merlin greeted her with a pained look on his face, he knew Eggsy hadn’t passed and it had disappointed him somewhat, as well. Though, he would never admit it, the boy had grown on him.

She was going to miss that cheeky bastard, no doubt. They’d shared some not-so-subtle glances and flirty comments with one another during his time there.

There were the secret winks he’d shoot her way, the way his eyes roamed her body when she wore a skirt, his smug smiles when she praised his work, but most of all the way he listened to her and drank in every word. In the end Eggsy would have to admit that her advice had turned out to be some of the best he’d received during his time at Kingsman.

She smiled at Merlin, “Roxy will do wonderful here, Merlin.”

He nodded, “I think she will too, good to get some females in the agency.”

She laughed, “Now I have someone to gossip and have lunch with that I can really tolerate!”

“Oh, come on now, I’m always down for a good gossipin’ sesh, yeah?”

“Considering your job allows you to attain private information, your gossip is the absolute best, Merlin.”

A few hours later Merlin received a call from Harry to reroute the Kingsman cab that Eggsy had stolen (which caused her to roll her eyes so far that it hurt.) She stood behind the computer-genius as he directed the cab to lock Eggsy in and drive itself to Harry’s house. Eggsy was obviously very mad, “Come on, bruv! He hit my fucking mum!”

She gasped quietly to herself and turned to Merlin, “Anything we can do about that?”

“I’m sure we can take care of it once Harry has talked some sense into him,”

For another hour Eggsy and Harry discussed everything and to say Eggsy felt horribly embarrassed was an understatement. She had been right, talking to Harry made everything come to light and make sense. Mr. Pickle seemed to bore holes into the side of his head the entire time, reminding him of what he had failed to do.

A high-pitched beep interrupted the two agents as they sat in the office, breaking the silence. Merlin leaned forward and beckoned her over on the other office chair, “Got a signal coming from. . .Kentucky?”

“Valentine’s?”

“Sure is,” he paused and hit another button to dial Harry’s contact, “Harry, listen to this. Valentine’s at last saying something of note.”

The four agents listened in separately to the conversation between Valentine and Gazelle. A location was discovered and immediately Harry was on his feet and ready to come back to headquarters. She briefly caught a glimpse of Eggsy through Harry’s glasses and smiled to herself, he had definitely calmed down and profusely apologized to Harry as he gathered his things.

“Harry, I’m so sorry and I’m gonna do everything-”

“You should be,” she smiled at Harry’s blunt retort, “You just stay right there, I’ll sort this mess out when we get back.”

“We’ll meet you at the air-strip, Galahad,” Merlin said before he hung up.

“Agent Percival, gather your things together as well,” Harry said before abruptly hanging up.

Her heart jumped at the mention of her going out into the field, it always did when she was asked to go. Especially since Harry had been her mentor, and still was, she enjoyed working with him.

Soon they were enroute to Kentucky via the private jet the agency owned. Merlin debriefed both of them once again on the information they had. While they were unsure about Valentine’s intentions, Harry reiterated that it was necessary they be on guard and ready to fight.

Agent Percival made sure that all of her hidden weapons and gadgets were working and ready before exiting the plane. Once on their way to the church, Harry went over the plan they had discussed once more. She was ready to figure out Valentine’s motives and put an end to whatever he was planning on doing.

“How is Eggsy?”

Harry quirked a brow at her, “It will take some time, but I think he’ll come back around and be joining us.”

She smiled, “He’d do so well with us, Harry, and I know you know that.”

“Of course I do, he’s just like his father,” he turned to her, “Don’t forget the rules, Agent Percival.”

Her face heated up and she turned to him, “What on earth do you mean by that?”

“You know very well what I mean by that,” he said as he placed his hands on his knee, “There’s certainly no secrets between you two and the rest of the agency.”

She looked down and tried to hide her tinted cheeks, “You’re right, I’m sorry.”

There was a silence before Harry chuckled, “He’s very loyal, you know?”

She smiled to herself, “Good quality of a qualified Kingsman,”

“Indeed,” Harry hummed to himself.

Just before they arrived she turned to him, “Thanks for teaching me everything, Galahad.”

He nodded, “You haven’t let me down, Percival, although I never doubted you or your abilities.”

It was silent then as they approached, churchgoers entering the sermon five minutes before it was scheduled to start. Stepping out of the car she smoothed down her blazer and tailored pants before taking Harry’s arm on the other side. They entered the church together and looked around for empty seats.

Unfortunately they had to sit on opposite sides of the pew since it was so full already. Soon after they sat down a small worship service began which soon turned into a rather nasty and bigoted sermon from the preacher. Percival tried not to show the disgust on her face and instead played with the buttons of her purple blazer.

“Charming sermon, can you see Valentine anywhere?” Merlin’s voice echoed in her ears.

From the corner of her eye she saw Harry’s gaze focused somewhere in the corner of the small church. Indeed, there was a small camera placed above them.

The sermon dragged on and honestly, she was bored. Valentine wasn’t showing up and nothing was happening, it seemed like a useless mission. Harry seemed to think the same thing as he sent her a quick nod from his seat.

Harry stood to leave, Percival deciding to wait about two more minutes before she also left so as not to cause a big distraction.

However, a woman next to Harry was rather peeved that he was ready to leave.

“Hey, what’s your problem?”

Every eye turned to Harry and the preacher paused in his sermon, eyeing Harry with hate.

Percival had to contain her laughter as Harry turned back to the woman and curtly responded, “I’m a Catholic whore currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black, Jewish boyfriend who works in a military abortion clinic. So, hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon, madam.”

The look of pure shock on her face made Percival want to laugh even harder, so she turned back to the front of the church and regained composure in her seat.

Just before Harry reached the door the woman cried out, “Just leave this church! You just leave this church like the infidel you are!”

Percival twitched a little, a high-pitched ringing filling her ears for a split moment. She shook her head to clear the sharp pain out of her head and once her eyes refocused, something was very different.

“Satan cannot save you now! You will eat your babies! You will drown in the blood of the Lord! He will not save you!”

The entirety of the congregation was standing with fists clenched and glared at Harry. Percival stood as well in order to blend in, but she couldn’t shake the slight ringing that was still in her ears.

She ducked her head out into the aisle, “We need to leave, now,” she whispered to Merlin and Harry through her comm.

Something else made her twitch again and without any control, she began to see red and was absolutely angry. Her fingers curled around the gun inside her blazer pocket and hooked onto the trigger.

She turned just in time to see Harry shoot the woman point-blank in the head. Hell was unleashed upon all of them, then.

Before the person next to her could strike her down she whipped around and shot a bullet into their head. Blood spattered and stained her dress clothes but she wasn’t concerned in the slightest.

For what felt like hours, her head was in a blur of blood and combat. Anyone who crossed her path was dead and every person around her was savagely doing the same thing. Being trained in combat by the Kingsman has given her the ultimate upper hand.

The number of innocent people had dwindled and after being thrown against a splintered pew she met Harry’s eyes. He charged her and she fought back with all the strength she could muster.

While fighting each other they managed to kill the last remaining people as well. She took hold of a broken candlestick and charged at her mentor, who easily blocked her. They pushed and shoved, punched each other mercilessly and attempted to take one another out.

“STOP! YOU’RE GOING TO KILL EACH OTHER!”

They ignored Merlin’s pleas and finally Harry had her in a headlock. She growled and slipped out of his hold, elbowing him sharply in the nose. She smiled at the loud cry he made and the feeling of the bone crunching under her elbow. Just as she turned to finish him off he blindsided her with a pipe from the organ.

Everything went black and she fell to the ground with a painful thud.

Harry stood over his agent and trembled with confusion, the frenzy in his mind was gone and all he could remember was the pure desire he had to kill every single person in that room. As quick as it was there it was suddenly gone. The girl beneath him groaned quietly and sat up slowly, the left side of her face blackened with a nasty gash running through her cheek.

Her voice trembled, “W-what happened?”

Harry quickly helped her up and ordered her to stay low, pulling her towards the back of the church and under some fallen pews.

“I need you to stay here, I’m going to secure the area outside.”

“Then I’m coming with you,” she responded as she tried to stand, dizziness taking her over immediately.

“That’s an order, Percival,” he said as he pushed her back to the ground. His eyes were kind and she knew he had good intentions by keeping her there, but she felt utterly useless.

Harry stepped outside and once the doors slammed shut, she hesitantly made her way over the absolutely mangled and bloodied bodies to the front of the church. Peering out a broken window she watched the confrontation between Valentine and her mentor. She couldn’t quite hear what they were saying as focusing seemed to increase her migraine even more.

She didn’t miss when Valentine whipped out a gun and shot Harry without warning.

She clamped her hand over her mouth and sank back against the wall, tears streaming down her face and screams threatening to come out. He had just been shot point-blank in the face.

The world was silent for what felt like infinity before Merlin’s voice came into her ears, “You need to leave right now, out the back behind the dumpster-“

“And we’re just going to fucking leave Harry’s body? Absolutely-“

“There is no time, Percival!”

In her attempt to stand she fell back to the floor, broken glass piercing her palms. With what little strength she had left, she crawled outside the doors and limped to Harry’s side.

She sobbed over his body and could not bring herself to look him in the eyes, well, the one that was left. Strong arms wrapped themselves around her torso and she struggled against their hold.

Merlin flipped her so he was cradling her to his chest. She beat into him mercilessly and attempted to turn him around to at least retrieve his body, but to no avail.

Eggsy leaned back in Harry’s chair, tears streaming down his face and pure hatred growing inside his chest.

To see her so broken like that, to see the closest thing to a father he ever had shot dead, to sit in that empty house knowing he would not return killed him inside.

THE MASTERLIST | GO TO PART 2

[menalez]

Your opinions on Israel show me you are very much still an anti-Semite. First you assume we are all white. Then you say we are still white passing. Then you say white Jews exist and are privileged. Then you say “ashkie” as if you’re not aware of its meaning or use in the Gulf Region. Now you say these things about Israel. I’m sorry, but it’s just so obvious now. I understand why you think these things (Arabic centric world view maybe) but time and again your anti-Semitic side comes out.

“First you assume we are all white”

except i don’t. i know Israel has a diverse population. it isn’t even fully jewish as a country.

“Then you say we are still white passing”

mmm… no? I didn’t say that? Ashkenazi jews are mostly white people and uh… them being mostly white means yeah most of them pass as white too. Ashkenazi jews aren’t representative of all jews so.. yikes @ u for that.

“Then you say white jews exist and are privileged”

white jews … do exist. and they have WHITE privilege, not “they’re privileged”. what world do y’all live in. only a few months ago i was in a long term relationship with a white woman who’s Ashkenazi Jewish like… sorry u can’t somehow convince me that European ppl aren’t white if they experience anti-semitism. esp when jews of colour exist & have spoken on the privilege white jews have over them.

“Then you say “ashkie” as if you’re not aware of its meaning or use in the gulf region”

huh??? Ashkie is not used in the gulf region like, at all. i got the term from the Jewish ppl around me who’d use it as a short form for Ashkenazi. the only term used for Jewish ppl in the gulf is “Yahood” and sometimes they equate Zionist (i think it’s Sahayna in Arabic?) to jews but… it’s funny of u to even claim that ppl in the gulf are anywhere near educated enough on Jewish ppl to talk about Ashkenazi jews specifically lmao

i don’t appreciate you trying to twist my words and making false claims to paint me a certain way bruv and it’s obvious who u are which.: makes me appreciate this even less :)

[quranreadalong]

#125, Surah 23

THE QURAN READ-ALONG: DAY 125

Right... well, that was an exciting and unexpected science class. This section will be more normal, by the Quran’s standards. It’s kind of all over the place and covers a bunch of topics, but we’re starting with 23:17. It is a description of the seven heavens (actually called seven “paths” there, meaning each is on top of the other). Allah sends water from the sky in the form of rain, and can suck it back up to the sky just as easily. The rain makes plants grow, including one olive tree in particular:

And a tree that springeth forth from Mount Sinai that groweth oil and relish for the eaters.

I’ll be real, idk what this is referring to. I don’t know if this is some special tree mentioned in a Jewish tradition or something that Mohammed is specifically referencing, or if he’s just being poetic. As far as I know there aren’t any trees on the modern Mount Sinai at all? Whatever. There’s an olive tree that makes tasty oil on Mt Sinai, wherever it is, and Allah wants you to know about it. Neutral.

Allah also provides people with milk from the “bellies” of cattle, in addition to their meat, and lets people travel across seas in boats. I mean, okay. This is all disjointed tbh, like all that those ayat really have in common is that they’re... about.... liquid......

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

And We verily sent Noah unto his folk, and he said: O my people! Serve Allah. Ye have no other God save Him. Will ye not ward off (evil)?

Well, let’s go through it again. Go ahead, Mohammed. Let’s see... 23:24, Noah’s people ask him why Allah didn’t send an angel or some other miracle, and they think that Noah is a bit loopy. Noah asks Allah for help. Allah tells him to build an ark and stick two of every creature in there, then tells him that everyone who is not in the ark is gonna die (bad! the rest is neutral). Noah and family--the dead son isn’t mentioned this time--get on the ark and praise Allah for saving them from “the wrongdoing folk”, who are all dead, then ask him to let them get off the damn boat, which he does. This was all a “test” from Allah, apparently.

And Allah sure loves his damn tests, as we’ve seen. After killing everyone not on the ark, Allah performed another test in a later generation (presumably Hud’s people) in 23:31. He sends a prophet to tell them to stop being polytheists. They say “no thanks and also if Allah exists why doesn’t he send an angel or sth bruv? Ain’t u just a regular guy?”, again. They don’t believe in resurrection or the afterlife and mock Hud because they don’t believe him.

Like Noah, Hud asks Allah for help. Allah says “lol just wait and see boyeeee”. And then he kills them all and “made them like as wreckage”. Another happy ending!!!

Mohammed says that this process was repeated in other generations and that no nation can avoid Allah’s punishment. Thank fuck, he does not actually go into the stories of Saleh and Shuaib again, he just says that in general Allah killed everyone who disbelieved in his prophets (bad!!!). He also says in that ayah that he made them follow each other into their disbelief and doom, so... as per usual, wtf is he complaining for, then?

Regardless, let’s finish up this particular chain of thought. Allah sent Moses and Aaron to the pharaoh and his people, but they refused to believe that they were prophets, so Allah destroyed them and then gave Moses “the scripture”. I’ll leave that as neutral because it only implies that they were destroyed for their disbelief instead of, you know, the terrible shit they did.

Our last ayah of the day is a curious one. 23:50:

And We made the son of Mary and his mother a portent, and We gave them refuge on a height, a place of flocks and watersprings.

What are we talking about here, exactly? A raised land with flowing water on it (no one knows how to translate the “flocks” part, most go for “a place of rest” or “peaceful place” or something)? Ibn Kathir has no idea, nor do the Jalals. Some scholars associate this with the “massacre of innocents” mentioned in the Bible, meaning it would be in Egypt, but nothing in the Quran as a whole or this ayah in particular references that event.

So others looked elsewhere. Damascus is one of several options thrown around, due to the ghuta of Damascus (now a wartorn hellhole but once a beautiful ring of greenery and streams around the city), but why... would they be in Damascus? It’s not really explained. People just associated that place with the description in the ayah despite there being no story linking them together. Another option brought up is Ramlah, though this appears to be solely based on a weak hadith in which Mohammed says that some guy will die at the spot in question, and the guy ended up dying in Ramlah.

Another opinion collected by Ibn Kathir is that this is the same place referenced in the story of Jesus’ birth in surah 19, where Allah makes a stream flow beside Mary and the newborn baby Jesus. Since we traced the story of Jesus’ birth in the Quran back to a Christianized story of Apollo’s birth, I wonder if this “raised land” is meant to be some variant of the miraculous creation of the island Delos, where Leto gave birth? The ayah above doesn’t specify when the “refuge on a height” incident happened, after all. We really don’t have anything to go off of here, since this “refuge on a height” thing is never mentioned again. Choose your own adventure, I guess!!

NEXT TIME: Disbelievers are trash, etc.

The Quran Read-Along: Day 125

Ayat: 34

Good: 0

Neutral: 31 (23:17-26, 23:28-40, 23:42-43, 23:45-50)

Bad: 3 (23:27, 23:41, 23:44)

Kuffar hell counter: 0

⇚ previous day | next day ⇛

[saportuh]

im at tht bar mitzvah & it's reform & theres three bathrooms tht say "welcome to anyone who identifies as male/female" & the gender neutral says smth equally respectful & i jus. i havent been to shul recently & this reminded me why i love judaism. like it has its problems, i wont deny tht, but it's just. so wonderful to be part of a community, especially one thts so close knit & loving & open, its jus. damn i luv bein jewish bruv,,,damn