#...theres probably a reason my memory is so bad. i dont want to think too hard about that

[thefreshprinceofjunes]

soriku endgame: an imagining

OKAY WELL HERE IT IS

TEN WHOLE PAGES OF HOW SORIKU ENDGAME MIGHT ACTUALLY PLAY OUT

i was rewatching vin play RE2 and fsr this invaded my thoughts and wouldnt leave

this is barely proofread and i reused a lot of the same words/phrases BUT its just meant to be an outline/abridged version so keep that in mind

(if i got any lore wrong tho pls let me know)

btw if you dont want to read this on tumblr for whatever reason, heres a link to the google doc

note: this is going off the assumption MoM saw everything (or at least everything soriku) through the gazing eye

scene is quadratum probably. master of masters (or whoever the bad guy in kh4 is) has sora and riku caught in a bad situation (for temporary visuals im picturing something similar to the dark guardian restraining aqua and ven in kh3)

sora and riku are struggling to break free, while the MoM just laughs. some kh dramatic banter occurs, before MoM changes the subject and starts monologuing (with sora and riku probably interjecting here and there)

MoM: [to sora] you still havent figured it out yet, have you?

MoM: dont you ever wonder why rikus heart holds as vast of a darkness as it does?

MoM: its not because of jealousy, or ansem, or even his desire for strength since you were children.

MoM: no, its much simpler than that.

MoM: remember that dream you had, sora? before the islands were destroyed?

MoM: there was a voice speaking to you, from deep within your heart:

MoM: 'the closer you get to the light, the greater your shadow becomes.'

MoM: well, the road goes both ways, kid. the deepest of darknesses can only come from the brightest of lights.

sora: wh-what are you saying?

MoM: its been in front of all along, but you were too blind to see it.

cut to voiceless flashbacks of all the times sora encountered the brightest light: when receiving the keyblade, when almost pulled out of sleep by the memory of aqua on DI, during the dive to heart at the beginning of kh3 (assuming it really happened and wasnt just for gameplay purposes), and after using the power of waking at the KBG (the tunnel scene)

sora looks at riku, then back at MoM. riku is grimacing.

sora: that… that was… that was rikus light?

MoM: bingo!

MoM: but theres even more to it than that.

MoM: theres another force of power in this universe that keeps light and dark in harmony

sora: another…?

MoM: you feel an unfathomable depth of it in your heart for, well, pretty much everyone youve ever met.

MoM: what lies in rikus heart, however, comes from the same place, but is also very, very different. its something you claim to not understand, even though youve encountered it many times during your adventures.

rikus eyes widen and he tries to interject, but the MoM physically stops him; sora calls out for him

MoM: its more than just friendship. its hearts that are really, truly connected between two people.

MoM: think about it. think about all the times when everything seemed hopeless, but something, something, kept the bad guys from winning. it wasnt light.

cut to voiceless flashbacks between many of the disney couples sora has met: the beast arriving at hollow bastion out of sheer force of will in his search for belle, flynn sacrificing himself for rapunzel and her tears bringing him back to life (some shit with will/elizabeth and sam/quorra too maybe idk), and finally, herc gaining his strength back as he rescues megara from styx, followed by herc saying, 'people always do crazy things when theyre in love.'

sora stares ahead at nothing in particular, before wincing in pain; suddenly, a forgotten memory surfaces in his mind (if the convo with NS confirms he hasnt completely forgotten, then its the key details that have been missing):

rikus sacrifice in the KBG

riku calls out for him and struggles, but MoM just laughs so more.

MoM: there, now its coming back to you. and that wasnt the only time riku sacrificed everything for you, yknow, although it was probably the most heroic instance. remember him taking on ansems form to beat roxas? and his dive into your heart to wake you from slumber, despite the tremendous danger? you only met her briefly, but one of the princesses of heart experienced something very similar.

MoM: aurora. maleficent placed a curse on her when she was a baby, causing the princess and the rest of the kingdom to fall into a deep sleep on her 16th birthday. but the heir to a nearby kingdom, prince phillip, valiantly fought his way to the castle, and woke up the sleeping beauty– through a kiss. a kiss, of true… 

MoM trails off and looks at riku, then back at sora, expectantly. riku is still struggling to free himself before the truth is revealed, but its no use.

sora stares off again, before looking MoM in the eyes.

sora: … love…?

MoM does jazz hands and poses.

MoM: ding ding ding ding! we have a winner! it only took you, what, 12, 13 years to figure it out? honestly, i just couldnt stand watching it go on for any longer.

MoM: but, hey, i still have my honor. if im wrong, im more than happy to apologize.

MoM turns to riku then.

MoM: well? am i wrong, riku?

riku doesnt respond, and MoM sighs dramatically.

MoM: still no answer? okay, guess well have to do this the hard way.

MoM starts hurting sora, causing him to cry out in pain while riku watches helplessly 

MoM: come on, riku! do it! use your true strength! unleash the power hidden within your heart!

sora gasps and winces, barely getting out rikus name 

suddenly, theres a bright flash of pink energy (maybe rikus eyes also turn dream eater pink too?)

(if the power of love is too cheesy even for kh, then maybe its a black and white darkness/light combo attack)

riku breaks free of whatever MoM did to him, and then channels the energy through his arm, blasting it through soras restraints.

unfortunately, sora was being held in the air, and starts to fall– but in the blink of eye, riku is there to catch him in his arms.

MoM laughs in triumph and draws back slightly.

MoM: there we go!

MoM then shrugs.

MoM: well, this was fun, but ive got places to be. and im sure you two have a lot to talk about. toodles!

MoM disappears, leaving sora and riku in stunned silence.

after a moment, riku sets sora down and turns away from him, avoiding soras gaze.

sora meanwhile takes a second to catch his breath, before staring at riku with wide eyes.

sora: r… riku… is… is that...? is that really… how you feel?

riku clenches his fists at his sides and stays turned away. after a pause, he responds.

riku: … even if it is, it doesnt matter.

sora: what do you mean?

riku: i know… im not the one for you.

riku takes a deep breath.

riku: … when you were put to sleep for a year to fix your memories, some of them found their way into xion. they happened to be your most important memories– the ones you couldnt wake up without.

riku: those… were your memories of kairi. and xion took on her appearance because of them.

sora is stunned, only having been vaguely made aware of what happened in that year.

sora: k… kairi?

riku nods solemnly.

riku: yeah. and the only reason your memories got messed with in the first place is because the organization forced namine to make herself the person most important to you, instead of kairi.

sora pauses.

sora: you mean… castle oblivion.

riku nods again.

sora watches, before feeling a pain in his heart and grabbing at his chest instinctively.

underneath his hand, he can feel the cold metal of his crown necklace.

and thats when it finally clicks.

everything blurs, and theres a sudden rush of memories.

(maybe a memory sequence that you actually play through?)

sora, holding kairis wayfinder in castle oblivion. suddenly, the memory gets static-y, like during soras memory restoration.

cut to namine confessing to sora shes not the girl he cares about– but every time the word is feminine, its distorted by video static. (this is how we fix the aitsu thing)

"no. the g̸͓̦͙̫̮̦̠͗͐͗̊͑̕͝i̷͖̝̝̱̐ͅͅŗ̸̄̆̓̆̊̄̿l̶̮͉̦͓͔̹̀̂͗͝ͅ you care about...the one who was always with you... its not me. its ḧ̴̳͔̻̾̇e̵͚͂̀r̸̺̣̠̓̂̀̚."

cut to namine speaking to sora before he goes to sleep.

“but theres another promise you made—a promise to someone you could never replace. s̵̹̀͗͜h̷͇͇͌̆̐e̷̡̛̱'̷̦̆s̵̫͖̦̄̈̄ your light. the light within the darkness. if you can remember h̷̼̼̜͚͒e̸̢̡̤̹̬͖͐̒͒̾r̸͓̣̜̼̜̠͚͂̋̃...all the memories lost in the shadows of your heart will come into the light."

cut to a flashback of repliku talking about their shared promise. again, the feminine words are indecipherable.

"there was a meteor shower one night when s̶̳̄͑̆̅̆͗h̴͍̞͖͙͑̔̋̈́̎̈̾ę̷̧̰̰̖̝͆̆̕̚ and i were little... n̸̨̙̼͑̽ả̴̗͕̮́͊͝m̴̻̳͚̒i̸̳̟͑n̶̡̥̋̑̌é̸͍̦͑͐͋́ got scared and said, what if a shooting star hits the islands? so i told ḧ̷̡̬̽̅͆̊ė̸̙̩̠̥̿̃̚͠r̶̛̥̻̖̉̾̽͝, if a shooting star comes this way, ill protect you! and then—"

cut back to the memory pod.

"look at the g̴̬͛̄̚͘ŏ̴̞̙̰̍͂̀ö̴̘̥̗̱̐͋͆ͅď̷̨͙̙̩̓́͝ ̸̢̋̈́̂̚ļ̷̯̥̲̪̐̋͌̾̚ṵ̵̼̥̥͖̎c̸̱̟̹̚ķ̸̭̱̖̓̇ͅ ̷͇̳̃̑́͑͐͜ͅc̸̢̤̈̈́̊̚̕h̵̙̗̓͊̾ͅą̷̣̮̞̾̈́r̶̜̜͓̥̀́͋͝m̸̺̖͈̖͓̊̀̕. i changed its shape when i changed your memory. but when you thought of ẖ̴͚̙̆ȅ̴̡̛̞̲̥̼̋͐r̸̹̱̐, it went back to the way it was."

finally, a few more lines from namine.

"remembering one thing leads to remembering another, and then another... your memories are connected, like links in a chain. those same chains are what anchor us all together. i dont destroy memories. i just take apart the links and rearrange them. you still have all your memories."

cut back to sora in the real world. everything is still blurry, but now rikus voice can be heard in the background calling for him, distorted.

and then, a flash of light.

nighttime. its still. everything is quiet and peaceful.

young sora and riku are walking back from the beach.

suddenly, theres a bright streak across the sky. 

sora and riku both gasp.

then, another. and another. and another.

the night of the meteor shower.

riku watches the sky in amazement– until he feels a tug on his arm.

he glances at his side and sees sora, utterly terrified and clinging on to him for dear life.

sora: wahhhh!! r-r-riku, the sky is falling!!

riku laughs.

riku: no, those are shooting stars. theyre way up high in the sky.

sora however is not convinced, and keeps shaking as tears start to well up in his eyes.

sora: b-but…! theres so many of them. and theyre so fast!! what if a shooting star hits the islands?!

the reality of soras mood finally sets in, and riku is left staring as he tries to think of what to do.

hanging from his pocket is his wooden sword.

the words of the man with the real sword echo in his mind:

“no more borders around, or below, or above, so long as you champion the ones you love."

riku grabs his sword then and holds it up to the sky as he looks at sora, courage glinting in his eyes.

riku: if a shooting star comes this way, ill protect you! ill hit it right back into outer space!

sora sniffles as he watches riku swing the sword around.

sora: r-really?

riku nods his head confidently.

riku: i will. i promise!

after a moment of thought, riku reaches into his pocket and pulls out a silver chain with a crown dangling from the end.

riku: here. take this. i found it the other day.

with the magic of cutscene, riku somehow turns the chain into a necklace, and then reaches over to hang it around soras neck.

riku: whenever you get scared, all you have to do is look at this, and remember that ill always be there to protect you. no matter what.

tears run down soras face as he looks at the necklace.

the voice of the strange girl theyd met before rings through his mind:

"so then if something happens, and riku is about to get lost—or say, he starts wandering down a dark path alone—you make sure to stay with him and keep him safe. thats your job, sora, and im counting on you to do it, okay?"

sora gulps and then reaches out to grab rikus free hand in both of his own. riku is surprised by this.

sora: ill… ill protect you too! i-i know im not as strong as you, but ill… ill try! i promise!

riku is taken aback for a moment, before he smiles gently at sora.

riku: … thanks, sora.

afterward, a multitude of quick flashbacks to all the times sora and riku protected each other, culminating in seeing the KBG sacrifice one more time.

fade to back.

in a hotel room (or smth similar), sora suddenly sits up straight in a bed, heart beating rapidly.

sora: riku!

(paralleling when riku called out for him after waking up from the dive into his heart in ddd)

riku has been seated at the edge of the bed, waiting and worrying. when he realizes soras awake, he scoots down the bed towards him.

riku: sora! youre okay!

after catching his breath, sora looks around the room, confused.

sora: … what… happened?

riku: you passed out, so i brought you here. how are you feeling?

sora puts a hand to his head, grimacing slightly at his pulsing headache. but that doesnt matter right now.

sora: im… im fine. listen, riku… i saw… i saw some of the things that happened at CO.

rikus eyes widen.

riku: you did?

sora: yeah. i saw you… well, a version of you. and namine. namine…

sora looks into rikus eyes.

sora: she… she was wrong. or… maybe i was wrong, and she just played along for my sake…

riku: huh? what are you talking about?

sora swallows as his voice starts shaking, just a little.

sora: kairi… kairi wasnt the one most special to me. you were. i remember… i remember the night of the meteor shower.

sora clutches at the crown necklace.

sora: all this time, id thought id remembered everything important… but i forgot about it. [sighs] im sorry, riku

riku stays quiet for a moment, before putting on a forced smile.

riku: its fine, sora. we were little kids.

sora frowns.

sora: but… you never forgot, did you?

riku shrugs, and theres a moment of silence between them, before riku speaks again.

riku: maybe i was the one most important to you back then, but its not the same now. thats alright. im just happy to be your friend. i know how you feel about kai-

sora suddenly moves forward, closer to riku, now yelling as he cuts him off.

sora: i get to decide how i feel, riku! its my heart!

riku is taken aback at the shouting, and stares in shock. sora realizes hes gotten loud, and takes a moment to calm down.

dearly beloved starts to play in the bg

sora: i… i know now. maybe it took me a long time, but… i figured it out. the person most important to me… all along, its been you.

riku freezes up in pure shock. he cant believe what hes hearing. hed talked himself out of hoping for this day long ago.

sora finally smiles again.

sora: youre the one i love.

(paralleling prince eric with ariel)

BOOM FIREWORKS MAGIC SORIKU ENDGAME

riku is absolutely speechless, staring at sora with his mouth agape.

sora gives riku a sheepish grin, now growing nervous at the lack of a response.

sora: and… im the one you love… right?

after a second, riku returns soras smile– and, for the very first time in the series, starts crying.

he nods, shakily.

riku: … yeah. yeah, i do. i always have.

riku wipes at his eyes to stop crying, but its futile. the tears flow even harder.

sora feels himself start crying, too, but hes laughing at the same time.

he pulls riku into a hug, grabbing his upper back tightly.

without any hesitation whatsover, riku returns the embrace, holding onto sora in the same way.

(like so [sora in orange, riku in teal])

fade to black.

then they kill the MoM, get married, and live happily ever after. the end. :)

love balancing light and dark is largely taken from these tags by @osrinlore on this video of mine btw:

[puhpandas]

was thinking last night about the direction the fnaf story is going and I was thinking about vanny cassie. like vanny cassie would be such a perfect villain because it brings vanny back to the spotlight and cassie has a connection to Gregory as a friend.

her arc would be so tragic in every way and she wouldnt know what or who to believe. she would believe she was abandoned by Gregory again (in this case he didnt cut the elevator) like all her friends and her dad did and that vanny is a friend. both manipulation and supernatural mind control stuff like glitchtrap did to vanessa to create vanny.

and 3 stars could be the protags in a post hw2 dlc game that's big and free roam story like sb. I think Gregory would be a better choice as player because he would have the best reason to chase after cassie; shes his friend. vanessa would be very important also because like. Vannys back. and now she has a family and another kid shes gonna fight like hell for.

"the family missed the greatest opportunity of their lives" vanessa didnt destroy vanny glitchtrap and mimic when she should have, and now they're back. and she isnt gonna run away scared this time. shell finally end them for good

and also Vannys motivation. since vanny killed glitchtrap (probably to take his place as big bad bunny virus) this makes you wonder why shes doing this. we dont know why glitchtrap did it either so I guess the same reason as him. shes supposed to be reluctant tho so? idk what's changed. but we'll go with building the monarchy evil pyramid back up

so vanny would be trying to get all of the followers back, or maybe shes still following mimics orders and it wants them back. could have a potential rebellion plot from vanny at the end but that's besides my point

the point is itd be such a fun spot to reveal ggy. Vanessa's been hiding it from Gregory to protect him, maybe freddy too, and Gregory has no idea and just knows he has tons of memory loss. hes moved past it to live his new life, but after doing all this to get Cassie back, it turns out vanny wants all the followers back and hey, why is she talking about 2?? who is dr rabbit?? why is she after me??

I just think theres a lot of potential in a plot like that for all characters. Vanessa's arc as vanny is already so interesting but cassie has an obviously very similar arc becoming vanny but also so different. she would be manipulated while shes alone hurting and believing she was betrayed with abandonment issues and taken advantage of. vanny would be using her as a vessel, so theyd have to get her out of cassie to kill her for good.

and if Gregory had to find out about ggy at this point, itd be a big deal but also truly make that connection between cassie and Gregory. no matter who cut the elevator Gregory would feel at fault because he either did it or wasnt fast enough to stop cassie before it happened. so he would have to confront condemning cassie to the same fate his family and now apparently HE went through and that's his best friend man. and also not to mention the concpet of vanessa and cassie of course

[fictionfixations]

book 7 part 4

MAJOR SPOILERS

thats the wrong lilia D:<

(from beanfest)

--

dying inside because oh my god how is this gonna be added to the wiki

what?? the rest are empty.. (they loaded in eventually but wtf)

WHAT.

HOW IM SO WEAK IM SOFHJDUFJ FUCk. FUCKING FUCK???? how am i supposed to do this when each battle leaves me with very little Hp. so then i have to heal. but then im not at full hp so then im fucked with the next battle?? HELLO??

CRYING

I WISH it wasnt stuck to just 3 extra characters besides silver and sebek

I didnt even HAVE a single sebek card until tsumderland 2 because you needed sebek as your study partner so i got his school uniform 😭

if i could choose any character then it wouldnt matter because i could go back to using the cards id already strengthened up for tartarus but like. i CANT. so im feusidfh SOBBING i think i understand how it works now but oh my god this. is. so painful i thought tartarus was bad but i had no idea

im WEAK im SORRY (lilia's fight before this where you have to beat him to continue is so HARD i couldnt. i succumbed to using a retry ticket. I WAS USING THE STRONGEST TEAM I HAD and my strongest support buddy guy person i dont remember waht its called but i was still fucked oh my god)

im sorry lilia

oh thank fuck

...yeah.... BECAUSE HP SAVES. and im so weAK

OH MY GOD IT SAVES. (spoiler alert: I DIED. so thats why it says in progress. i healed them up and it fucked me over anyway because it doesnt heal all the way)

(you can go back so i just. used my remaining cards which are weaker. but were strong enough to oneshot it after i took down a huge majority of their health..)

so then is it better to use the weaker cards. let them die but take the enemy down slowly. and then you can get your strongest cards to kill them in one shot after that?? but then you'll eventually run out. but also it doesnt seem like the maps are too big. ..yet. but still...

(i wanna do them all and get the 10 gems so i can pull for general lilia. i just need 19 more pulls sob.)

I GOT CONFUSED AND THEN I REALIZED THEY DIDNT WANT LILIA TO COOK IM DEADD

oh my god silver

oh its canon

is this why lilias cooking is so bad? because they just had to make do with whatever they had (and learned on the go. and figured that shitty food was normal for them, and the really good food was normal for the rich people??)

*flashbacks to sebek's stomach growling during lilia's farewell party*

nOO SEBEK POOR BABY

(i. really dont like his grandfather. OKAY??? he disapproves of candy, he disapproves of SEBEK JUST BEING IN THE KITCHEN? LIKE HELLO??? WHAT?? this is from i think his birthday bloom(?) vignette, the candy thing i mean, i THINK. one of the birthday ones with trey as his interviewer.. and its mentioned in his apparentice chef vignette that baur doesnt like sebek in the kitchen. he gets this look on his face. )

i KNOW that baur doesnt know sebek is related to him. but. i just. dont like him. at all. AND IM BIASED BECAUSE I LIKE SEBEK and i dont want him hurt :(((

and okay. i get. it. that. baur doesnt like humans. and its reasonable because humans were assholes and like drained the resources dry (bro we do the same irl..) so then the direbeasts without their habitat anymore ran into the villages and caused havoc.

so theres a valid reason for them (although i feel like theres a HUGE misunderstanding. because fae see the ironclads as ruffians. but the silver owls see the fae as ruffians. or robbers or something wtf??)

and i get it. youd hate the enemy too if you saw what damage they caused. like how lilia isnt the biggest fan of humans either during his time as a general.

and i get that he's probably haunted by memories and its not that easy to get over it. but sometimes i feel like it needs to be known when its no longer healthy for someone to be around another. like, they can both equally love each other. can both care for each so much that they only want the best. but sometimes being around someone can only prove to be more unproductive and unhelpful.

and i know baur did a lot for sebek. but its also like. sebek shouldnt have to be so against humans, so against part of himself just because baur is, y'know? and i feel like if baur really wants to be there for his grandson, that he should at least try to accept it or something so as to not hurt sebek more. that like 'yeah, he's human (not that theres anything wrong with that ofc), but he's also family'.

:(((((

i dont think im explaining it that well. im just very sad.

OH MY GOD GRIM YOU DIDNT 💀

comannder (typo)

haha...

oh my god i dont understand anything i dont know geography

😭 they're just explaining where everything is and im just like 'wait what???? wait where????' im so lost… also is it briar valley or briarland??? what/ I dont get it at all

OH. wait is that why malleus seems tame in comparison…. ah….

wait a second

MAJOR JP SPOILERS (this is from one lilia render i saw. scroll past this if you dont want to see)

we know malleus watches over dreams. how will he appear? we know he can take the form of himself. and id imagine he'd keep doing that but.... or will he change forms? or. like. baby malleus. would he be baby malleus? and then we have to be like 'LILIA ITS A DREAM MALLEUS OVERBLOTTED' and lilias just holding bby malleus protectively like no??? (ive seen an image of his like character render holding a baby dragon... and i assume that might be malleus... thats JP spoilers btw)

oh... wait. but we know malleus' parents are both dead right? (and only his grandma's alive)

SPOILER ENDS HERE

OOOH. briar land was when fae territory was bigger (but then humans are encroaching n stuff) briar valley is much more smaller.

maybe the drowsy spells are because his body is trying to get silver to sleep so he can dream travel? but whats the point of doing that?? nothing really.. happens. i mean he can sort of interfere but???

WHAT?? i. two teams? HUH?? oh my god… im going to play this as safe as possible and get as many buffs as i can before going into fights. and then im going to try to go as close as i can to the end goal. because nothings stopping me from going back later. ..but i also want to continue the story… but i also wanna see it all……… i mean if i die (as in all my cards die) i can just. restart. i guess.?? but still…. im so happy. i actually have healers on my team now 😭 and buffs make fights easier

ooh the tiles are actually related to where you are in the story

like theres this river. i did this battle to scare some ironclads away from the river. and then theres this blank tile near it which is also about the river. oooh. i see. ayway im out of mystium

i suddenly feel a lot more assured in my ability to fight them with buffs and other characters

[hiemaldesirae]

Question: how would your characterization of demon Alastor react to finding out for the last 60+ years that what he thought was Vox breaking up with him was actually Demon!Valentino drugging/r**ping him with his venom/aphrodisiac and Vox has No memory of what he and Alastor actually had? No memory of anything except maybe the last month? And to find out Valentino only did this so Vox (who was becoming a TV mogul) would put his pornos on the tv. How would he help Vox remember? What would he do to Valentino? Would Velvette also suffer?

okay so. nonny, i wont blame you for not knowing, especially since ive never explicitly talked about it on main, but for future reference, im not that big on the whole abusive staticmoth dynamic. i can see why others enjoy it, and i do read stories with it from time to time simply because the premise captivates me that much, but in general id say i much more prefer a version where val and vox are at the very least best friends if not crossing into the sort of blurry best friends who smooch sometimes territory.

now having said that, i'll still answer your question because again, not very fair of me to just brush you off for no reason when i never made my preferences clear beforehand. (this gets long, so i'll leave a readmore.) warning: my demon radiostatics are always freak4freak no matter what. so this does get a little iffy in terms of ethics

my favourite interpretation of radiostatic is two sickos who are just as closely obsessed with each other, so in the unlikely case that al would let vox go for that long, when he realizes again the first thing he's going to do is go and. well. for lack of a better term, atticwife him (i hope to god this isn't just a term used in east asian fandoms because if i have to explain this ill eat lead). maybe after a little bit of time, he'll allow vox some liberties, but even then it'd be very little. ill put it this way- imagine the most toxic irl relationship you can: someone who tracks and micromanages their partners every move, barely lets them outside the house without going with them, monitors every friendship that they allow their partner to have, and there you have it. thats radiostatic! ah, young love. so sweet, dont you think? after all, alastor can't risk his muse's eyes slipping off him again. he's been deprived of that attention for far too long, and it wasn't even by his own doing! that's an offense in and of itself.

now im assuming that its only val who's doing the exploitation here so presumably vel would have no hand in any of the mess, and perhaps not even be fully aware of the nuances behind the scenes. i mean, it wouldn't really matter either way because once alastor finds out the reason why his other half hasnt been reciprocating their insane little song and dance he's getting rid of any and all obstacles, permanently. vox doesnt need anyone else so long as he has him- and hey, he was friends with him, rosie and husk first, so its not even as if its much of a loss. the only people he'd presumably leave alive would be voxs own contracted souls, and even then thats a bit of a gamble depending on just how bad i want the both of them to be: without his contracted souls, vox would be weaker and more susceptible to whatever alastor wants, so i guess its a matter of whether or not i want the freak4freak relationship where theyre both equally strong but vox willingly submits because he gets more thrill out of it that way or whether i want freak4freak where vox has to struggle way harder and still ends up giving in anyway because al is simply stronger

as for what he'd actually *do* to val. i mean. he does still have that radio broadcast of his, doesn't he? i think you can probably put the pieces together. the thing with animal sinners is that theres simply so many parts of them to break... show-wise, i never understood how overlords like alastor or val could even rise to their position, with the amount of weak spots they must have. that broken antenna vox and val share is certainly something that speaks to their higher vulnerability. and moth wings are especially fragile: i owned little silkworm moths at one point (they were my babies, i loved them for the month or so i got to care for them) but their wings were so thin they were wearing holes in them by the second or third day. val's coat-wings look much thicker in comparison, but of course, my perception is limited by the show only. so i mean, who knows? im sure whatever happens, itll make the best entertainment in al's eyes :)

[william-s-churros]

olan headcanons lol

VERY RAMBLING AND SUBJECT TO CHANGE LOL. if youve read my fics some of this stuff will be obvious but if not, here. you can avoid my fics entirely. i change tenses a lot i think in this and im so sorry

i think that being married was genuinely like a traumatic experience for him. i think he very much did experience intense romantic attraction to his wife at first, but that it probably petered out very, very quickly and for no discernable reason (possibly just that they were incompatible in the long term, which would be obvious if not for the fact that they were still in the honeymoon phase) but he was probably a very conflict-averse person who values his ability to go with the flow, even if that flow is incredibly damaging for him to go with. its just easier to, rather than fight, escape into alcoholism and mouldering resentment. i mean, i dont say this to exuse his neligence as a husband and father, but just to explain why lol. im sure he was a terrible, terrible father in the process of all this. just also maybe that he didnt have a good time either lol. like im sure part of that feeling of being unnecessary to them was him making himself unavailable to even be neccesary.

definitely married young because he got his then-girlfriend pregnant. definitely then married her because that's the good catholic boy thing to do. (also yeah hes catholic in my mind lmao. what else is new with me. i feel like theres probably a sizeable catholic community in olathe for no reason besides i said so, because i love giving characters very catholic-y feelings lol)

i think probably, in the aftermath of this, he enjoys the freedom from his family quite a bit. like, im sure he didnt want them to die, but he probably never wanted to see them again. like the responsibility of having a family was too much for him, and he constantly failed at it, so not having that failure and pressure hanging over his head is a welcome relief, even if the method by which it happened was extremely unfortunate. i kind of imagine that loss was something more of a hollowness than a more typical sense of grief. im sure he feels very weird and bad about all of it, but thats what drinking is for! eyyyyy. probably a lot of that feeling weird and bad is worrying about the judgment of others, too.

as a result, i feel like his relationship style is probably like. none. like i imagine since his marriage was so terrible, he probably just assumes that every relationship he's in will also be terrible because he assumes he is just terrible at relationships, and does his best to actively avoid being actually romantically involved with people, to actively avoid developing feelings for people, or even like sleeping with people more than once. that said, i feel like he would fuck anyone with a pulse who gave him the go ahead lmao. he's looking for good memories (and a stiff drink ofc) more than anything! and that means trying to do as much fun stuff as he can before he dies. i do sort of feel like that its extremely possible to fall into those intense romantic feelings-- the kind he had early on with his wife-- but they, again, would probably not last a very long time, and his system of being a one-and-done lay works to insulate him from those feelings (typically)

all this stuff if meant to insulate him from pain and conflict of course. i feel like he probably lies (or "bends the truth" lol) frequently for similar reasons.

definitely someone who only really does stuff he's either already good at or is good at immediately lol. zero discipline

no gag reflex at all (extremely important headcanon)

uhh i think he's probably pretty gay? but he doesn't think of himself that way. in his mind, he's straight, but also willing to play the cards he's been dealt because he enjoys having sex and, you know, why not? its probably more accurate to say that he's bisexual, but he probably never considered the possibility of sleeping with a man until after the flash when that was all that was available. i feel like he made it like 3 months before being like oh... whatever... fine. ill try sucking cock. he's also vers lol, mostly because a lot of other "straight" men after the flash don't want to bottom.

he's good at other long range accuracy sports (like darts and uhhh bowling??) but he has zero coordination when it comes to hand to hand combat.

tall? maybe not super tall, but still on the taller side, like 6ft. also one of those people whos never had to work out to maintain his physique. a lot of things like this have been very easy for him in life, which cultivated his very poor discipline habits. probably of average intelligence, but very good at bullshitting and thus got good grades in school.

he has an associates degree in communications.

he did not enjoy his job, but he did enjoy being away from his family. decent-ish salesman? it helps that he's very friendly and basically handsome. definitely drank on the clock.

has a DUI, but has driven under the influence hundreds if not thousands of times lol. he's probably smoked weed only a few times when he was younger but he didn't know what he was doing and didn't actually get high (he probably had a bit of a placebo effect where he felt what he thought people felt while high on marijuana, which was not accurate at all) he grew up in a household where drinking was very normal and began drinking as a very young teen (13 or 14?) also a casual smoker, especially likes to smoke after sex or a good meal.

he's a bit of a square, and especially was one before the flash. he definitely did things that were expected of him (i.e. getting married) because that was the normal thing to do more than because he wanted to. he had a pretty deep investment in appearing to be normal before the flash. after the flash, he's not nearly as worried, but he still has some residual mindsets that are hard to get over, which lead him to do things like, for example, consider himself to be straight lol

he obviously has a very high tolerance for alcohol and could drink any other party member under the table.

he "likes" birdie, but birdie also makes him feel extremely insecure about how terrible he was as a father and how little he cares that his family is dead. sometimes, this causes him to lash out at birdie in really stupid ways, like over-exaggerating just how little he cared about his family to upset birdie. he does regret doing this because it makes birdie cry. birdie does not really like olan because of this type of behavior, but often forgets that when he's particularly plastered, and olan is usually the only person who is willing to drink as much as he is, so they do hang out together despite both of them kind of not enjoying the experience at all.

he likes brad a lot because brad is very weird lmao. he's just curious about him and asks him a lot of questions (most of which brad does not answer of course) and wants brad to like and trust him. he also wants to make brad have fun and relax (good luck with that one bud... lmao)

I don't think he has much interest in buddy at all? he fully supports brad abandoning his quest to save her, of course, mostly because he doesnt see the point of it.

he probably gets along with nern pretty well but definitely only enjoys his rambly ass stories when he's good and drunk. they complain about their dead wives with each other. yeah he probably kind of sucks about women, not in like a malicious way per se but more in the sense that he's just an idiot man. basically. lmao. but nern really brings out the worst in him on the subject of women.

he likes terry a lot because terry is a ridiculous person and a lot of fun. ignoring the fact that i ship them, i think he just really enjoys what a silly, weird dude he is. he is probably a longtime hint enjoyer and was pleased to meet the guy who wrote them all. NOT ignoring that i ship them, i feel like olan sort of views terry as one would a manic pixie dream girl, like, terry makes his life so exciting! he's going to pull olan out of this existential mire! he's making olan feel things again! he's damaged and desperate for love! and he's such a freak in bed! idk. its not the most accurate of reads is all im saying. idk how it would work out in the longrun with them, though. i think olan would kind of maybe slide into his avoidant-resentful mode if enough time passed, but it might take longer than it did with his wife because theyre just really good at having sex with each other lol.

he's probably been to the beehive like plenty of times so queen roger knows of him and he knows of queen roger, but i doubt theyve encountered each other much outside of maybe roger kicking him out on his ass because he was too drunk or trying to sleep there like its a hotel

and uhhh i havent thought a lot about what he thinks of the other companions as much. i feel like he probably likes most of them? he probably likes most people he meets tbh.

anyway im tired of writing this long ass shit lol bye

[baconcolacan]

Imagine if R Tord had to leave the RA headquarters and when he came back he learns that someone killed R Tom!

Alrighty, here we go! Ask compilation for Regimen stuff > Realistically, I dont think it would happen. Everybody knows that Tom is too important to lose, and that if he dies in RA HQ itself, there would be hell to pay, and its going to be the indiscriminate kind. So all in all, they'd probably try to keep him alive and well, unless they want their commander to forget his 'no killing staff (without plausible reason and replacement)' rule.

Very nice, pleasant enough to look at, and of course a vital base for all the wonderful art we have at present. Without it, anime wouldn't exist so hes thankful for them <3

Oooh, bad news for everyone unfortunately. You think he wouldn't stoop as low as tearing each individual country apart just to find him? He would. He'd burn the world down for Tom, who cares? He can just rebuild it anyway, but there's no replacement for his dear Thomas.

It's in his office, above where he sits and its huge. Of course, theres also all the propaganda with him in it, you couldn't go anywhere in his territory without seeing his face.

Of course, but it would only be for his personal viewing. No one else should be able to have the pleasure of gazing at what was his and his alone. He'd probably keep it somewhere personal and private.

See the above! But also only if he dies to memorialize him. Otherwise he can just stare at the real thing all he wants, plus all of the cameras and video/audio recordings of him. Also haha thank you! Spending some time outside and just watching life pass on was pretty calming for my nerves. I know I should be happy that more people are finding my little corner of the internet, but I fear being seen as Im not used to being under a spotlight. Nevertheless, I'm happy to welcome all the new people here! I do hope you like hanging out with me and the others here, everybody is so so nice, so I hope all the newbies are at least comfortable. Just don't cause unnecessary stress okay? We have enough problems irl =7=<0

[aita-blorbos]

aita for not wanting my coworker to find her fiancé?

(oc stuff)

i know the title sounds bad but please please hear me out. i (22M) have worked with this woman (28?F) for maybe a year or two but i also got stuck in some hellish half-timeloop half-eternal doomsday thing 5ish years ago. its a long and largely unrelated story but the bottom line is that it made me terrified of losing anyone i cared about while also making me too easily attached to people that stay in my life for more than a week or two. my coworker's fiancé went missing maybe 4 or 5 years back? but weve been saying missing as a front for where were pretty sure hes stuck so as not to alarm anyone: the rift. its like a giant crack in the sky that opens up every once in a while if shit goes super wrong in our adjacent dimension (we work in the void and my coworkers live there)

the issue is that if left unchecked a rift can very easily shatter the entire void and very likely the local dimensions. on top of that entering a rift means you run the risk of also shattering and being doomed to wander the rift for the rest of eternity. theres supposedly a way to fix shattering but to my memory only my coworker and my boss know how to do it

my coworker wants to go into the rift to try and find her fiancé even if she leaves with the knowledge that hes too far gone to save. i have openly expressed that its a horrible idea even though ive also said to her that i cant imagine having to go through that and i would probably do the same. my reasoning is i would do the same -> but its extremely dangerous -> and i dont want to lose the people i care about again -> so she shouldnt go. her reasoning seems to be you would do the same -> and yes its dangerous -> but i truly love him and want to do anything to get him back -> so i should go. weve had this back and forth many times before. neither of us want to explore the possibility of him just being dead in there and im never going to try and bring that up solely because its possible he isnt

my boss is also on board with her idea despite all of us knowing that its a massive risk to everyones safety which is even worse because i think im in love with him??? but thats not really important i guess. hes also got someone he cares about in that rift (an old friend of his) and ive also told him he shouldnt go but hes so dead set on it that hes left me in charge of our committee job thing whatever if he doesnt come back. i do not like that possibility

am i the asshole?

also i know my coworker uses tumblr and i dont think she follows this blog but just in case she does: i know you miss him but please please PLEASE dont go if a rift opens. its like ultra not-safe. and if you refuse to change your mind at least tell me how to fix shattering in case you all end up the same way

[pearlaqua-eevee]

TYBW ep 22 liveblog under the cut

(after writing it, this has basically just become me capslocking over the opening scene so. Heres that)

So I legit just watched that whole scene before the intro, forgetting I had to actually TYPE THINGS

new broody shot of Uryu first off, and actually I'm seeing so many parallels to his and Ichigo's first meeting

I feel like theyre downplaying Ichigo's angst slightly but also...hes compartmentalizing probably, which shows how much hes changed from the start. He's prob still shocked but hes dealing

also Chad. I love Chad so much. Just everything he says here, his reactions, THE SMILE WHEN ICHIGO SAYS "i'll still smack him and drag him back"!! "he mustve had a good reason" I love that hes not saying "Uryus not against us". He's saying that he is. But expressing TRUST IN URYU AS A PERSON. Sado you absolute angel. And even "what if you agree". Like yes, go off being the quiet observant philosopher you are, I love you!!!

"Yeah, I know. I've known it all along. It's been on my mind ever since this war began. If this is a battle between Soul Reapers and Quincies, that would make me and Ishida..." Shoutout to the VA for the quiet subdued way Ichigo is speaking because I CAN feel the heaviness of it. And that Ichigo knew probably around the same time Uryu actually made his decision... The idea that on top of the Soul Society being attacked--twice--and that training he did at the Soul Palace, thats been in the back of his mind, something he anticipated...and yet it still hurt him so bad that he was completely frozen when it did happen. Because he was holding out hope it wouldnt. FUCK ME

NOT THE FLASHBACKS. FFS

"Ishida is...He's our friend." OH. THE FORESHADOWED PARALLEL. THEY REALLY JUST MADE ICHIGO SAY THAT, WITH THE SAME LOOK UP AND EVERYTHING SCREEEEEE

yall know I love the enemies-to-best-friends/family tropes with my entire heart. THEYRE FAMILY AND I WILL SCREAM OVER EVERY PARALLEL

"I dont know if he feels the same way though" that fucking hurts though. Just the casual way its said but also, giving Uryu that little bit of doubt. Basically Ichigo just said "hes free to make his own choices but hes my friend regardless, even if he doesnt seen it that way" Quite honestly Uryu could probably shoot to kill and still be forgiven. AND I FUCKING CRY

ALSO I KEEP SAYING. THAT MOMENT URYU STOPPED HIM IN HUECO MUNDO. I FUCKING TOLD YALL THAT WAS SIGNIFICANT. AND ITS ONE OF THE MEMORIES ICHIGO THINKS OF BEFORE CALLING HIM HIS FRIEND. THAT MOMENT IS AS IMPORTANT TO ICHIGO AS IT LIKELY WAS TO URYU. YALL IM SCREAMING THEY REALLY ARE PLATONIC SOULMATES

Ichigo also thinking about the moment in Lost Agent where he thought Uryu had been turned against him but was actually warning him. And this ones tinged with that betrayal too but--both moments Ichigo thinks about were moments where Uryu put everything, including his own life, at risk to save him. GOD I CRY

also thinking about what Hime must be going through because theres hints in previous chapters that shes a Stepford Smiler--she plasters a smile and hope on even if shes upset/despairing. So that super bright smile combined with what I know happens in the future... I like the implication that she doesnt doubt Uryu's motives, but that he IS their enemy in this moment makes her sad. Kinda sad we missed out on her line about "Ishida would be annoyed if he overheard that" (because yes he would, she knows him well) and I do feel like they could kinda drag this out if they wanted...but hey I'm the angst queen, especially if the angst involves betrayals. Could literally watch a whole ep of these characters coping and being upset over this

[the-s1lly-corner]

Creepypasta au ramblings

Including some ideas, headcannons, potential plot stuff, ect ect

Gotta get the brain juices flowing and written down somewhere

Okay so. Admittedly, I haven't really been working on the au that much, due to my hyper fixiation on the owl house taking up my brain. And that'll likely still be the case with the upcoming finale so.. yeah!

Anyways, with what I have now;

I already know this is going to be a written collection of various connected stories; as opposed to a comic <\3

If my experience with making comics in the past says anything to me, is that it'll crash and burn before any of the juicy stuff happens.. and I'll get burnt out incredibly fast

Only downside to sticking to a written format is that a lot of these characters have redesighs <\3

Not big ones, most carry their basic look that just about everyone knows

Save for Kagekao and Laughing Jill

Good news is, Kagekao, as of now, doesn't have a role.. yet.. maybe.. again, I'm still figuring out the overarching story

Bad news: Laughing Jill is actually a huge roll in one of the side plots (more on that later). She still holds the same basic design elements as her canon design has: black and white clown gal

Only difference between the real design and my take is that Laughing Jill is a funky ragdoll; and she's small because.. yk, she's a doll. Can literally fit inside a decent sized backpack (again, will elaborate on this later)

Though of course I suppose I could just

Describe her as small

(I'm dumb and writing this as I think)

Moving on

I also want to do different plots and side things that all either connect to larger story, or show different perspectives and such; maybe each chapter switching from one characters POV to another

And I already have a long term plot! For... two specific characters

I want there to be a side thing where Jane is trying to hunt down Jeff and put an end to him for

Well

You know

Offing her parents

Along the way she stumbles into Jill, and the two team up to find the dude; along with Jane trying to balance her goal and everyday life. Because unlike most of the other characters, she lives a very normal life otherwise... when you don't look at her past. She has a job, she lives in her own apartment, she's gotten her education. Other than gunning for Jeff, she has no interest in taking the lives for others. So with Janes chapters it'll likely follow both settings/sides of her life

Speaking of settings

Locations

I don't know where exactly it would take place; country/town wise.. it may be spread out across different areas since itd be odd if all these creatures and stuff were living in the same place; gotta dispurse them or people will just. Leave the area

Yk?

But as for like

Actual places that the characters will be interacting in will be anywhere from towns, woods, eft ect

And yes

Because this is a mix of fanon and canon

The slender mansion will be in this au

Although probably not in the way most people interpret it; it won't really be a safe house for every creepypasta character buuuuut im still working on the way i should execute it

Probably make it a hotel of sorts; for most characters its not a permanent home. Be it they dont wish to stay, or they arent welcome there

Moving on, Im gonna write masky/tim and hoodie/brian the same way i do in my silly imagines and hc posts; treat the proxy as a separate personality from the person. Each having their own set of morals, behaviors, and memories; not too dissimilar to how MH shows them off IIRC

Though these versions of them are a mix of MH and CRP since I enjoy both renditions, as a fan of both materials. Plus I feel like if this did become something, a few of yall would be upset if i didnt have them... plus theyre fun to write

Speaking of characters that 100% wont be in the au, for various reasons, are:

Ticci Toby: because I just don't really jive with him like i used to, and the character has more or less been ruined for me by others.... though theres a chance he MAY appear, its just HIGHLY unlikely

Clockwork: she just makes me uncomfortable

Off*nderman: do i really need to elaborate on why I'm not adding him?

Really those are the main 3 I have beef with, but

Yeah

Anyways

Yeah idk what else to type but

!!

Hopefully I'll have more ideas cooked up soon

[boosik]

• Mother

I hate that you tried using us against dad cuz you dislike him,, why would you make me fear he might touch me inappropriately,, i feel like there was more you said but idk i have bad memory,, but i stopped trusting the one adult that was consistent in my life (he also would never do that and i never saw any danger from him other than what you planted in my head)

i liked that you were on my side a lot when i wanted to stay over, i liked that you didn’t make me do homework,, sleepovers were fun cuz i didn’t get to see you a lot,, made me sad when you would go away because you had to go to the hospital (rehab), made me mad because while i know it isn’t the case it felt like you chose drugs over us but i know having the mental health issues you do is a nightmare but if you kept taking your meds for schizophrenia and other stuff then maybe i coulda had a mom,,

as much as you said you loved us (me more than sibling cuz i was “your kid” and sibling was “dad’s kid” why did you treat us like that we are both ur kids thats not nice to sibling) it felt like we weren’t enough of a reason to stay sober,,

why did you make dad tell me he wasn’t actually my dad out of no where? I was already being bullied for no fucking reason at school and you made him tell me this so that you would be the only “real” family i had,, i feel like it would’ve been easy to get me on your side and you almost did if i didn’t have sibling,, sibling is my best friend in the whole world i could never leave them behind even for you and no matter how much manipulation you did,,

also what happened to finding my real dad,, you promised youd try but youve done nothing,, ive found out more info than you have through ancestry dna and i have a half brother out there named Michael,, i know its a half brother cuz my sibling has 22% dna share and he has 25% which means theres more share with Michael that my confirmed half sibling ive grown up with

I feel bad cuz i know you were probably on drugs or drunk when you had sex to have me in just hope it was consensual and you were only 19 and having a kid at 20 like i could never

I dont know if this is true but dad said that if he didnt accept to raise us then me and sibling would’ve been put up for adoption or smth idk its hard only having one side of the story but if i asked you your side im scared youd lie to me (you were supposed to raise us together but when you were unable to do so that was a lot for him to consider because all of a sudden beinf a single dad is A LOT)

Though i will always find the age gap between you and dad (non bio one/my sibling’s dad) kinda gross not to bash him too much but 16 years is a fuckin wild gap,,, questionable choice there dad but mom was 22 when sibling was born so its fine ig,, (but still i do think he shoulda ran for the hills when he met you even if he just wanted to help a pregnant 19 year old out of the goodness of his heart,, but also im glad he didn’t book it cuz at least i have sibling and also im not dead, addicted to drugs, or in an unstable household so thumbs up to him for being the dad that stepped up (he was there for my birth too so he’s my dad in all ways except biologically)

[mikmiksinisipsip]

Having friends may be fun, especially if they're the right people. But it hurts when you dont get to see them anymore, because they will get colder to you, less interested in talking to you, not caring about you anymore, that's my view though.

Grade 7 ended, my friend group is starting to fall apart and i wished it never had to, this already happened many times in elementary but it hurts more now. The memories and everything we did, we still talk online but that doesn't stop that from us falling apart.

My friends are so cold, one of them is fun to talk to but theres problems happening right now. He's really dumb and i get annoyed but i just hold my anger and educate him trying to calm myself and stopping myself from literally cursing at him. Sometimes i am dumb too, dont we all? And when those times that I'm dumb, he gets mad at me. I get he has anger issues thats why i didn't want to say anything seriously rude to him.

I have a huge fear of losing friendships, its like losing a family. All my friends are cold nowadays, my one ex best friend who i probably had the best memories with probably backstabbed me, my other friend is not talking to me that much anymore, she says shes always busy, she barely reads my messages and she always replies late so i pretend that i understand instead of complaining.

About my ex friend, she was my best friend in grade 6, my best memories from now on, i loved playing with her, and i make sure to be cautious and watch my words trying not to offend her, because if i do, she will ghost me in almost a week. Non of my friends did that to me before, so of course i wasn't used to being ignored so much. When she did that for the first time i wasn't sure if shes mad, and i wanted to think that she isn't but i had a dream that time, she was there and she looked at me like i insulted her. I woke up and i asked my one friend who was always "busy" if she(ex bsf) is mad at me and she said that she is.

She got mad at me because i sent her a meme, that has the words: "my parents just got divorced" and that wasn't the point of the meme at all but she got offended because of that. I learned that her parents seperated when she was young, obviously i felt bad, but how was i supposed to know?

Ever since that day i was always cautious, not just watching my words in front of her, but all my friends. Fearing of being seen like a ghost, fearing abandonment or losing friendship.

Until we trio: me, ex bsf, and friend who is always busy enrolled in the same school since we all planned to because we failed the entrance exam in the other school. Me and another of our friend went to a different school sadly and we barely talk anymore when we all promised we wont.

Then when it was first day of high school, ex bsf straight up GHOSTED ME when i didn't say anything offensive. Then i realized, instead of ending a friendship she thought she will just ghost us and focus on her new friends. So me and my friend who is always busy decided we should end our friendship with her by sending her a whole essay, i mean, would she read it?

She didn't, but she replied.

"I'm sorry, i promise I'll change." that was a lie.

I didnt believe her, but we decided to talk to each other again, although she refused to talk to my other friend who is always busy.

I keep wondering why, i keep asking her why, i keep reminding her that im a safe place to talk to. Then she forwarded me the message my friend sent her, and it was the essay she (busy friend) sent that we both agreed to make an essay to her. The difference between our essays is that, i tried to be gentle, making sure no argument, harm or threats, but my busy friend was HARSH with it. Thats why she refused to talk to her.

Then one day ex bsf decided to say sorry and they get along again, but we decided to end our friendship again with her and i forgot the reason but then one day we become friends again. But that was probably the last time were ganna be friends, because me and busy friend wasn't satisfied with becoming friends with her again, we tried avoiding her.

However, she was acting nice to us, which is at least good? But it was suspicious somehow. Until another friend of mine, lets call her k-pop stan. She added me to the gc that i left because i was always last chat, and everyone was ignoring me there. She added me back because she needed to show something.

It was screenshots, it said that ex bsf backstabbed almost all her classmates including the class president. Literally all the guys who had a crush on her called her a red flag. The guys who she wont stop talking about, bragging and yapping about how they had a crush on her. Thats when i had enough.

I sent her the screenshots, and sent her a WHOLE essay again. And i swear i will never talk to her again. I didn't block her but she did block me. I didn't see her response because she has three unsents. Thats why shes my ex bsf now.

Then she decided to tell my busy friend that she got backstabbed by her friend. That friend of hers saying that she(ex bsf) is a backstabber. I hardly believe it.

It's very upsetting, outrageous, and it hurts too. But i will try to forget about it, to forget about her and our best memories. Right now, i dont mean any threats to her, or anything harmful against her, mentally, physically or emotionally. I dont want to be enemies or rivals with neither friends.

Anyways, moving on to my grade 7 friends, where i have a guy best friend for the first time and hes actually fun to be with. Its more comfortable with him especially since hes into men anyway. Lets call him Layla. And its really fun to be with layla, the laughters and memories. The rest of my grade 7 friends are so dry, but not him. We always have a lot in common and then we say were twins.

About another friend, lets call her Aladdin. She's a girl of course, girls and boys liked her. She had a twin sister and that twin sister was my classmate in grade 6. I considered her my favorite in our circle of friends because i find it calming to talk to her, it felt very comfortable. I love to hug her.

Then this girl, k-pop stan. I like her music taste, and she is VERY beautiful and i was jealous of her wavy hair until she decided to turn it straight.

Layla, Aladdin, K-pop stan and me was the original circle of friends. And in this circle, we decided to let some join.

Donut, foot, dirt, aly, sandy.

The members of the gc kept increasing, barely anyone is paying attention to me. I stopped joining the circle when its lunch time. I was uncomfortable eating on the ground and being in a circle with a lot of people eating too. Especially Foot and sandy was body shaming me about how skinny I am. Thats one of the main reasons why i stopped eating with them.

Donut was the first girl i talked to when it was first days of high school, and she was SO dry. Literally dry asf. I did not enjoy talking to her and it was obvious she isn't interested in talking to me so i stopped.

We didn't like foot and dirt, they are cringe and problematic, foot thinks shes the most mature when shes most definitely the least mature. Dirt is very childish.

We're still friends with Sandy because why not. The only offensive thing she has done is body shaming me and not knowing how to comfort or atleast listen when someone is opening up to her.

About Aly, she is a very nice person. I like her, she is the smartest in our class and she takes the role of being the mother of the group even though shes the youngest. I don't talk to her much anymore after our recognition.

Now back to the ORIGINAL circle of friends. Which is very dry. K-pop stan is dry and cold. Aladdin is dry and cold, Layla is offensive but he's the only one i can talk to.

K-pop stan didn't do anything that is offensive to me, she may have but it's that big of a deal. About Aladdin, she very much offended me. Lied to me multiple times and acts like there's nothing wrong with it. I don't remember her apologizing sincerely. Last time i talked to her was about me literally venting almost about to cry about how much I'm so uncomfortable with my grandma and dad. I told her what happened and she reacted with "😭". I corrected her and I told her nothing is funny and her response was "oh". Thats all. Thats all she had to say. It felt like talking to a ghost. I was talking to air, nothing. I guess she didn't know what to say.

I wanted to rant ALL OF THIS to someone. But i know a family member cant help, I know a friend wont read any of my messages. My friend who is always busy, replies like a day late. Aly replies late, Sandy is not good with people venting to her, Layla will get offended, k-pop stan is dry and replies late, Aladdin replies late and she doesn't know how to talk in a conversation. I have another friend who is my very first best friend in my life and we barely talk anymore. She replies late too. I cant talk to anyone. Theres no one to talk to. It feels like I'm now all alone, completely alone and all i could do is type it instead to no one but for myself.

[fictionfixations]

Aphmau. uhh... Thoughts?

So I've just. I remembered that I kinda wanted to know about what happened with aphmau from give-grian-rights' (no @ because i dont wanna bother em lol) profile thing cause i think in their pinned post there was something about aphmau

and like

so then i went back and searched 'aphmau' and like. so there was a document (< this is not mine)

so i read it. and just

bro wtf

no but why do like almost all the youtubers from peoples childhood just turn out really shitty?

and then uh. yknow i didnt know there was fuckin.. sib on sib?? i mightve missed it because its been awhile since then but like. what??

i mean okay, so I watched Aphmau when I was young, don't ask me how old I don't remember, but like.. so I joined around Season 1 or 2 of PDH, or Phoenix Drop High if I remember that right, I think maybe probably either towards the end of Season 1 or in the middle of Season 2? I can't remember but I remember waiting to watch it (I remember seeing that theres a new episode and clicking and then im not allowed to watch it because its not approved or whatever cause i had the i think restricted mode on lol ??) HAHA SPOILER WARNING FOR THE SERIES IG? its all from the memory of me though, who is really forgetful and watched it like years ago \/

uh. so. uhh i really dont remember what series is which -- the fuckin, that one season where they're like.. isolated. in the snow. in like a cabin (and theres that one ghost girl thing i think she was a ghost that fuckin kissed zane or something idk why that was so memorable?)

and like.. so ein is there and like. so yknow, children exposure to aphmau being like drugged or some shit (add on to this: I roleplayed with people on like Hypixel housing cause I found Aphmau fans and like.. i dont know man, the drugging was certainly a part of it with the whole green eyes and stuff)

bro i dont know why i thought that was normal?? i mean no one goes up to a child and says 'drugging people is bad' so i mean how was i to know??? and i was just like 'AWEE <3 <3 <3' I DONT KNOW MAN I LIKED BOTH SHIPS??? I WAS WEIRD I WANNA SAY I DIDNT KNOW ANY BETTER BUT LIKE ?????/ i mean the whole thing made me cry a lot because it was sad and shit but like.. thinking back on the plot now, idk man it was kinda weird

bro the only controversy i knew she was in was like when she for some reason fired all the i think VAs of the characters?? she fired someone and it was all really controversial but i was like 'uh.. this is fine-? idk man i just wanted to watch minecraft roleplay'

and she just like kept dragging it out and i dont think it ever happened (but her content nowadays isnt something i like watching)

also i like.. i rewatched one of her series, one of her newer ones i think with hte demons and shit

My Inner Demons

okay so like.

that show had a lot of adult jokes?????/ idk man maybe it was just me but there was like an amount of sexual-ish stuff and its just ???????????? and i dont remember that when i was a kid but i was oblivious to everything but like.. why put adult jokes in kid show i mean i think it was a kid series i dont really know but her whole channel is like some family friendly show to watch?

i cant name any specific scenes because its been too long but like srsly i feel like it was one of those storylines from a fanfiction that is probably offensive no but like

its y/n x demon boys basically

so that show never really hit hard and wasnt all that memorable, but i am sticking to my claim of adult jokes, and i might be wrong but i swear there was like at least one thing also while we're on the topic of her shows, can I mention like.. the entirety of Mystreet and the fuckin.. WAF??? When Angels Fall or something (the only reason i remember that name is cause WAF.) i like half dont remember what was going on but like

okay so i think so Aaron was like this special type of werewolf thing that I can't actually remember and when he looked at people -

i cant remember

did they die?? IDKK

BUT SO LIke it was like some fairytale thing BUT IT WAS REAL-- wait no i think he got rid of peoples hybrid features cause i think in like.. the series with Ein and the cabin he like went all 'D:<' and then ein lost his fuckin ears and shit /?

I THINK

but so like people were hunting em down because so they were wanted because of that and i dont know why. NO I THINK THEY WERE MIND CONTROLED WIHT THE THE emerald potion? forever potion?? IDK THEY MADE PEOPLES EYES GREEN AND MIND CONTROLLED THEM THEY WERE DRUGS (but the potion is like.. illegal? forbidden?? WELL NOT ANYMORE actually i think travis who i ThiNk is the white haired dude with like green eyes?? ' dad had like the book or something-- i really dont remember)

i ermember that they were probably mind controlled because katelyn or something, the blue haired girl had like green eyes i think and she was attacking aaron

uh

and then i think everyone was fuckin.. dying? i dont know what the fuck happened but then like blah blah blah adn then aphmau fuckin i think goes white eyed and like. irene from MCD or Minecraft Diaries.

with wings

and then i think it ended there wtf im so lost.

its like one of those stories where youre the protagonist so then you end up going a little overboard with crazy ideas that make zero sense when you look at the full picture or some shit idk

aghhh

[wolvertooth]

vent under the cut that yall can read if u want(tw for..stuff)

one of the big main reasons i relate to logan so much is cuz i also struggle with figuring out what memories of mine are fake or not. bcuz i have fake ones that i know to be impossible, but i also have ones that i cant remember the context for but….couldve happened.

most of this stuff is sexual assualt related.

the memories of me fucking other people? i know are impossible. but the ones where im getting fucked? those couldve happened, brains tend to block out shit like that for trauma all the time. i just cant remember who or when or how. which makes me wonder if its just another one of my fake memories. even tho they feel so real.

like. in order for the weapon x brain washing to work, logan was implanted with a lot of fake traumatic memories, but he also probably wonders if he had any traumatic experiences before that that give an answer to why he feels so fucked up. he wonders if he was fucked up before, or if its all just fake. and he can never really know.

i grew up with delusions(that i still have) that my bad thoughts were a seperate being that merged with me, but also knew that all of them were already in my own head too. even if my brain copes by seeing it as seperate, i know its also still me. like theres literally so much i relate to with logan that it makes me think he’s really some big metaphor for ptsd. probably is.

(i do have trauma i know to be true, i just also have memories that dont have clear context so theres chance of them not being real)

[twildflower]

Just read a fic with “I wanted to do this” this sentence in it and i want to kms so bad expand to read a semi-long stupidly funny story. Theres poorly written sex in this for explaining reasons

Before this starts i have to hightlight the fact that my mother tongue is not english nor did we have english as first language to learn at the place i used to live, i just had english classes aside from kindergarten when i was around 1-ish(??) so i had better English compared to my classmates, and that *;i did not go to elementary school and went to something called primary school that had 6 years before going to middle school which had another 6 years before i can go to college.*; TLDR i moved around the numbers of the years into more understandable years for english readers. I dont know how good elementary kids write here but back at where i lived they would trip over and die on a pebble because most kids cant even write 100 words without using 1+ hour and 835284 grammar mistakes and wrong words and such. At least until senior years in elementary. My old ‘friend’ introduced me to wattpad, i didnt know it existed until she told me. Okay this explanation is too long.

When i was in elementary i used to write fics on wattpad for like. 2-3 years and bc i went back to look at them after a year/every now and then (when i still had the app) i tried editing everything to make the old cringe ass fics to look better, but it only made me remember how much cringe i wrote and it wasn’t even that much better (no shit dude how much was i going to improve in a 2 year period. In elementary might i fucking add.) . Now i have certain sentences i see and i cringe so hard because it reminds me of what i wrote before and its such a hidden core memory i didnt think of it until i read a fic that had “i wanted to do this” in it and i internally died that second i saw it actually. Its not even the fic it’s literally just this single sentence that i wrote in my very old fic that made me cringe the fuck out. If you read to here might as well spill the tea and ball bc HEY did you know? I read fucking smut in elementary! Woooaaa!!! Unrestricted internet access!!!! Cheers to that fr!!! That fucked me in the ass bc it made me write a sex scene that was just

(Im going to fucking cry i dont want to write this out again but this only exists very vividly in my memory and this chapter in my story thats published (maybe I deleted the whole story I honestly don’t remember I’ll check later) is deleted bc I realized its so cringe some time later i don’t remember when. So literally you just have to take my word for it. Plus i was not going to expose my old account. And this would. Be funny joke material if you ignor ethe fact that i wrote this in elementary. It was probably like, 5 years before hs.)

-protag boy and girl meet up with their friends

-boy drags the girl back her house and leave their friends alone

-girl asks boy whats happening

-boy literally just says “to do this” (or something along the lines of that) and instantly took off all his clothes (i was writing it more like those clothes fell off when he took them off idk wtf was happening), implying he wanted to have sex

-girl blushes and clothes also get taken off by boy in an instant (holy shit its so cringe the memory of it gets more vivid the more I remember abt it)

-the only words the girl says is “ah” “Ah” “aH” and “AH” progressively between single sentences of breifly writing the boy going faster(???)

Then they fucking explode i don’t remember what happened next i think they just came and i cut off the story. Or someone walked in on them idk what.

I hope this amount of cringe makes you think at least you weren’t me and didnt try to write a sex scene at 9-10 years old. I dont know how i came up with this. Just gotta love unrestricted internet access amiright? I never wrote any sex scenes after then bc this gave me very bad trauma. Laughs in pathetic. Anywho, i still have other very cringe stories but nothing can top this. I might post another one of my cringe writings but im going back to sleep bruh i woke up in the middle of the night bc my stomach hurts. Then spent 1< hours writing this lmaooo

[knucklegagging]

I know this is mostly an anorexia tumblr account but tbh I havent been really struggling w my anorexia lately. Found old emaciated pictures and I think thats a lot of the reason why. Side by side my highest weight and lowest weight one looks weak and the other looks sexy. And Like... I wanna live. If i can. Especially now. And maybe a lot of this is that I was dealing shit no one is ever supposed to talk about but I have never been fat. I have been big busted hourglass booty girl slimthicc milkshake walking cunstain looking barbie body. And I have been emaciated. Thats so weird to really notice for the first time in my twenties. And it's not like I've been actively wanting to die or anything intense like that, but I didnt know life could feel good. And lately it really does. And my set range right now is 111 to 116. Which is healthy, as is my bfp. So i get that this is an anorexia tumblr account primarily... But maybe it doesnt always have to be? Idk tonight just feels really good. The girl I like seems to like me. And by that i mean shes made it clear she does in more ways than one. And frankly ive been a migraine and she still around. Its been a lot to adjust to. I have not been an easy person for her to be around. At least, i know I would be tired of my anxiety bullshit by now. She has so much patience and kindess and goodness in her soul. I feel like I have known her before, almost like memories from a dream that you woke up from too quickly. The taste of thoughts percolate my mouth with painful dripping sighs that crave to know her better, like filling in the blanks. Theres something so different, so unmistakable about the way that she is.

I dont know how to comfort myself at times because I cannot be running away in the opposite directiom but sticking my heels into blue on the treadmill next to her is terrifying. I get these scared moments thinking that I am going to ruin everything in one fell swoop w one stupid comment or being too hyper, talking too much, saying shit she wouldnt care about, moving too fast, not moving fast enough, not being whatever it is she expects of me. ...but yet she just roll w the punches. I dont want her to know how inexperienced i am w relationships. I dont want her to know anything bad thats happened to me and have it sour the interest that she has in me. I'm like paranoid that somehow she would find this blog and see my thoughts spelled out even though ik she won't. That wouldnt happen. But out of nowhere sometimes I just get scared like she will wake up one morning and decide I am not good enough. That I am too autistic or I have too much of a past behind me. That I have already been defiled and that makes me too much drama. I cant say that sentence out loud. I can't say many if any things out loud. I am always writing them down for her.

I am terrified about how to play my sleeves. At some point she will probably see my arms or thighs if we continue to spend time w each other. How the fuck is that all supposed to play out? Do i pretend its nothing and just rip the bandaid off? Wear a tank top when i see her next? That sounds dumb. There is no way to gradually unveil my body in ways that are not jarring when you have as many scars as I do. I like myself fine I just sometimes notice how much i do not know and that can psyche me out. But today has been good. Tonight has been happy. I am very much okay today. I just wish time would move faster slowly, so that i can know how we end up so that i can have a road map. I want thw answers for how to behave so that i dont cause any problems for her. If i could read her mind, if i could see the future, if i could know now what i will know then about whether i am going to make her life difficult... I am so scared. I am so happy. But I am also so scared.

Whats gonna happen when I am really visible and she can really see me? I've done so well at being invisible. With her I dont want to be. But it is all unknown and I'm a big ol scaredycat

[etherical-angel]

tw molestation vent (sorta? i cant actually remember, its a vent about a suspected moment)

i only have one real memory(tho its veryvery photocopied at this point) of being molested. but a lot of the small amounts of memories i have from my childhood cut off. and theres this one i always come back to -> im 11. im in my room, out of breath(i think i ran there) and one of my newer friends whos a year older than me(i assume chased me up there) closes and locks the door to my bedroom behind him. he has a very obvious crush on me, and hes someone whos...into a lot of adult things. i remember yelling for help to my other friends who are downstairs.

but i only now just realized that i cant remember if i was being genuine or not. knowing how ive never liked being mean to people, i think i probably yelled for help in a joking way, with a smile on my face. and knowing how i always repressed fear, i dont think i felt out of control.

but if he did do something and my friends didnt end up coming to my aid for some reason(since the memory cuts off) i dont think i wouldve stopped him. since i didnt the other time. since i would think 'i know what hes doing, im in control, im just curious'.

especially since in my mind, the reason i secretly didnt like hanging out with him was bc of him being so open about all the thoughts i kept hidden at the time. would i have let him? as a way of feeling like i was indulging in my own secrets?

i didnt see him for all of grade 7(and part of grade 6 since i eventually just started expertly avoiding him, not bc of that moment tho). when i got to highschool, i said hi to him in the hallway and asked if he wanted to catch up. he didnt. i think it was bc of me basically ditching him. idk.

i guess i feel kinda bad despite how fucked it was. since i was the only one who listened. even tho i never told him i understood. he was the 2nd gay guy i was ever friends with(first one was 2 years older and was extremely similar, had a crush on me too, guess i attract that kinda guy) and i feel like he didnt know anyone else.

i have a video on my laptop of him and my crush at the time secretly fighting for my attention. i didnt know it at the time, but its obvious now. i think my crush wouldve saved me if he heard me. so nothing probably happened.