#124bpm

[unfilteredrealities]

Had a Pots flare up while being in the store.

I was so confused out of the blue and anxious and the neon lights on the ceiling where sensory wise hell for me and I started breaking a sweat and everything was spinning , I had ear ringing and my pulse was fucked.

I luckily found a place where I could sit down in the store to recover and not faint.

Then when I had to get up again bcs my mom was at the cash register and I wanted to help my pulse went from 88bpm to 124bpm in the matter of seconds and it was hell 😭

I was so glad sitting after in the car again.

Then when we arrived home and I had to stand again it was shitty again. I like couldn’t wait to sit down in the kitchen to not faint.

I then demonstrated my mom that “uh I think this isn’t normal” and showed her my little party trick :)) pulse 88bpm and it went up to 114bpm. She went like “yeahhh…that’s defo not normal and healthy uhhh maybe u should go see a doctor about this mayhaps???”

And I was like yeah probably.

[flavinbagel]

In 11th grade I needed a PE elective to graduate, so I, dreading traditional sport activity, signed up for Aerobics. Every day I moved and grooved and sweated it to 124bpm hair metal at the instruction of our gay-as-hell theater director in her shortest of shorts. I was one of two (2) boys who'd signed up for it. While I didn't exactly love it, after one semester of daily full body cardio I felt fitter, stronger, all around healthier. I got limber too, and for the first time in my life I could touch my toes, something I still do daily decades later.

That was probably the most I could appreciate any grade school physical fitness course.

I remember skipping my 4th hour class nearly every day for the second semester one year because my 4th hour was gym first semester and I could go there and play and run and have fun because the teachers thought I was still in the class.

I loved gym class so much, more than any other class, including art class.

[witchofverdure]

remember to thoroughly read your tarot cards, kids, and write down your spreads.

I do a year outlook spread every January. For May, in my memory, I had the 5 of Pentacles. The 5 of Pentacles, when you've been grinding and grinding for money for over a year, is not something you want to see. I had been dreading May...

Beginning of April, I get a court summons. Guess who forgot about a debt? A debt totaling $4,582. Guess who lost the paper with the info back in December since she set it aside because she couldn't pay. Me. And now I had to go to court in May.

That's it - that's my 5 of Pentacles moment! There goes my entire savings. I had been dreading May 2nd all month. I've never been to court; I had no idea what to expect. If anything, I'm expecting them to come at me saying it's all due now and ask me to pull out my debit card.

A week ago, I find the original paper. It does say the full amount is due and to mail it a check, but I go to their website to see maybe, just maybe, there's something I can do to avoid going to court. Oh, would you look at that. This whole time there was an option to set up payments of any amount. I set something up, get a paper in the mail confirming my new payment plan, but nothing about the case.

So I went to court yesterday, alone, because I was too ashamed to tell anyone. Here I'm thinking I'll need to stand in front of the judge, in a room with 15 other cases, and explain how I was just irresponsible but please give me one more chance.

After the docket was read, the judge says since it's Friday, she won't do a legit recess. If your name was called, go talk to the attorney standing when it was called. My watch clocked my heart rate at 124bpm that entire hour I was there. Finally, my turn comes to talk to the attorney. After introductions, she goes, "I see you recently entered an agreement. Are you still wanting to do that for such-and-such amount?"

And that's it. I said yes, she said just sign the agreement and mail it to the office and I don't have to go back to court. I didn't even need to go back after the recess.

My biggest stressor all through April has come and gone, so what's my 5 of Pentacles moment? I'm terrified - if that's not it...

This is why you should reference your spread notes. Yes, the card of 5 of Pentacles...but reversed. Paying debts. Recovery from loss. The worst is over.

I had been in a financial shit hole for the last 3 years. That was one motivating factor in leaving Boston - return home and pay off my debts, rebuild my credit, start again. 2024 was just a year of climbing halfway out of that hole. For something to go my way financially, where I don't have to drain my savings (my safety net in case I have a bad freelancing month or two), is such a breath of fresh air.

That happened yesterday and today I made 2 sales on high priced clothing items, as well as got a few more photoshoot bookings for AB and ACen. May, a month I had been dreading since January 2nd, is actually a month of positive money flow.

[chronicmedisorder]

heart rates at 124bpm. fuck.

[just-some-castaways]

Playing Make Believe

(Authors note: the following contains mention of childhood neglect, references to self harm, depression, trauma, and briefly mentions an alcoholic beverage.)

I laid my head back, my knees to my chest, back pressed painfully against the wall, eyes closed. A half finished glass hung from my finger tips, nothing strong, but the taste reminded me of home.

I ran my index finger gently over the scars on my wrist, tracing the nicks then moving to the lines that wove up my arm. The neckline of my hoodie had been tugged down and to the side, and noticing the skin displayed on my shoulder, I tugged the fabric back into place, resting my chin on my knees. I'd never heal from those particular scars. I hated how close they were to the surface, how easy it was for my shirt to slip or a sleeve to fold, and display the pink-grey medals that clustered around my collarbone all the way around my shoulder.

I still couldn't let myself keep matches within reach.

A kid, blanket wrapped tightly around his shoulders and a stuffed animal in the form of a bi-pedal frog tucked under his arm, shuffled over to me and sat down, mimicking my knees-to-chest position.

"Hey there bud." I rolled my head to the side, giving a valiant attempt at a smile.

"Hi." He smiled shyly in return, scrunching his head down to rest in the folds of soft fabric that lay strewn over his form like an oversized royal robe.

"Something on your mind?"

"Not really...." He glanced to the floor, picking at a loose strand of carpet. "Just seemed like you maybe needed a friend to sit here."

That was something I hadn't considered before. Him? A friend? My friend? Still somehow full of surprises huh?

"Oh yeah? How do you figure?" I asked less because I wanted an answer, and more because the exchange of words was slowing my pounding heartbeat. 124bpm my watch beeped, telling me to rest, assuming I'd been speed walking or something productive like that, instead of curled up against the wall.

"Well," His little brown eyebrows crinkled in concentration. "You look sad I guess. And sad people should have friends. To make them happy."

"That so?" I moved back to staring ahead, my chin jutted out and nestled on my kneecaps.

"Yep!" It was said as if it was some sort of great revelation.

I let the silence hang, deciding to deny it the solace that useless conversation brought it, watching as it swung from it's tree.

"Why're you sad?"

That little voice was so innocent, so untainted, so... inquisitive, I'd give anything to protect him from the hurricanes of life. But I'd decided a long time ago, I would do what I could to be honest with myself.

"Well bud, there's this..." How does one tell a kid what heart break feels like, what depression feels like, what cruelty feels like? Sure he's had his fair share of trauma, more than most his age, but he wouldn't realize it for another ten, maybe fifteen years from now. "I guess life just isn't what I expected, that's all."

"No it's not." His brown green eyes watched me unblinkingly. If I hadn't seen that look hundreds of times in the mirror, I'd be unsettled. As it is, I simply sighed.

"You're right, that's not all. But you're just a kid, and I wish for the life of me I could've protected you from the things coming better than I did. I won't start now by telling you things you won't understand, when you can't do anything about them cause they haven't happened yet."

He seemed to chew on my words for a while, turning them over in his mouth, feeling them out, deciding if he would take the bait and swallow, or if he'd push back and ask for a different dish. Little brat chose a different dish. Of course he did.

"If I don't know what hasn't happened yet, how do you know if I won't understand?"

"Because...." I mean, he had a good point. "I guess maybe you'd understand more than I probably give you credit for. I just... I want to pretend I can keep you safe. I want to dream that maybe when I was you I did have a perfect life, and we were happy and nothing bad ever happened."

"But it did didn't it? Bad stuff did happen?" He leaned forward, his gaze inquisitive. "Like those men yesterday who always go to Ms. Brandy's house to visit for a few hours? The ones momma tells us to never talk to? Pappa says they do bad things, like buy and sell things they shouldn't, and they buy stuff from Ms. Brandy she shouldn't be selling."

I gave his hair a light ruffle. "Yeah, I guess that's part of it, but they never hurt us, they just stare at us and mom, and scare us when they come by. You're pretty observant for a kid."

That made his chest puff out with pride, "That's what momma says, and the teachers at co-op. They say I'm really smart, and I'll go places in life." Scooting over on his butt, he rests both tiny hands on my arm. "Do we?"

I couldn't help but smile, for real this time, at his earnestness. When did I lose that? "Do we what?"

"Go places. Like England, I wanna go back there. Or the moon, maybe we could build a spaceship!"

I opened and closed my mouth, deciding whether or not to explain to him that's not what they meant by go places. Then again, what's the harm of a little hope? I'd almost forgotten what it looked like.

"You know what kid? How about we go someplace, right now, you and me?" I leaned forward in a conspiratorial manner. "We could probably even build a spaceship if we wanted. Those flashlights we got might power a rocket or two if we did it right."

His face lit up, eyes widening. "Really?? You mean it?"

Was he truly so neglected that playing make believe with an older version of himself was the only company he could find? Well, if that was the case, I wasn't gonna say no.

"Yep. We're gonna build a spaceship so fast, it'll fly around Mars and back before dinner. How's that sound?"

He was up and off before I'd finished, blanket sliding free of his shoulders in the middle of the room, little feet plat-platting on the tile floor as he raced for the garage door.

I thought I wanted someone to talk with..... ....I guess what I needed was someone to spend time with.

So by golly, if we were gonna play make believe, we were gonna make believe so well, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between what's real and what isn't.

I suppose that's the point though, isn't it?

Nate with "help" from a Little- 2/23/2025

[drtesfito]

Valentine 2.0=SELF lOVE 2.O:SELF ACCEPTANCE -SELF FORGIVENESS -NO JUDGEMENT

[kalapluginsoftwer321]

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[nctrnm]

#NowPlaying: "HOUSE'N'THEGARAGES 124BPM" by cay caleb.

[naritaren]

5 minutes left 124bpm

Heart rate at halftime is 116bpm

[mattayup]

Listen!!! :)

[ginebra-dulce]

LISTEN

:D

[johnsmthg]

The new sep 18 podcast just here http://feeds2.feedburner.com/minimal-show

#124Bpm #TechHouse #AnalogMix #UnSync

Love

[generactionx]

...SH #generactionx #124bpm #yellow #pink #summer #europe #challenge #discovery #mistery #pasapalabra #investigate #words #letter #font #typeface #crossword #puzzle

[dronetechno]

Encircle #techno #modularsynth #modulartechno #modular #drone #dronetechno #modularsynthesizer #synth #synthesizer #drummachine #trogotronic #coarses #clevelandelectronics #hardwareonly #124bpm

[verschmolzenmitdemteppichboden]

Mache immer noch viel Kram. Hier ein 124 bpm ungemixter dance Beat auf den ich Rappen möchte. Lg 🦦

[tatele]

Visitando a un amigo @doverbill en @orangedevoto House Music!! #dj #djs #music #sabado #musica ##musica #amigos #amigas #friends #devotto #sabado #124bpm #djset #cerveza #cerveceria https://www.instagram.com/p/B85gJgugKll/?igshid=kmsspseg6v0b