#16 ways to kill a vampire at mcdonalds

[ipanicatmorethanjustthedisco]

Someone come play the best game ever and yell about it with me please.

[crustaceousfaggot]

Why you should give Text Adventure games a try (and how to do so)

There is not nearly enough love for Text Adventure Games here on Tumblr. Or anywhere really. But especially here, I feel like you guys would really get a kick out of them. Here's why:

(quick note, I'm gonna be using the words Text Adventure and Interactive Fiction pretty interchangeably here. Technically that's not perfectly accurate, they are technically different things, but I don't care to explain the difference Just roll with it.)

So

Do you like weird short stories told through unconventional mediums? That's most of what Interactive Fiction is

You like story based video games but hate the finicky combat? Congrats, there is literally no combat skill required beyond the ability to type "hit guard with crowbar"

Blind or visually impaired? Since these games are (with a few exceptions) entirely text based, they work great with a screen reader!

Sick of profit motivated AAA titles with no creative integrity? Well, these games are almost always produced by a single nerd (usually a horrid amalgamation of computer geek and literature geek) with no budget and no responsibilities of the product they're making. And they're usually not paid, since these games are free. Text Adventure is a labour of love, and in most games you can feel the care and effort the creator has put into the game.

Sick of spending $20-70 on a video game? Lucky you, I've been playing TA for years and I have not spent a cent in doing so (Fallen Londen will try to make you pay. But Fallen Londen sucks and is run by bigots. Fuck Fallen London.) Games are either available free on a browser, or as free, small downloadable files (most of which can be played using the Parchment Interpreter)

Wish you read more, but reliant on the quick dopamine of digital media? Well now you can read while also being an active participant in the narrative.

Bad at puzzles? Me too! Games from the 80s and 90s, as well as more famous newer games, have walkthroughs and hints easily available online. Newer games tend to either have a "hint" command, or come with a walkthrough file.

Do you like weird surrealist horror? Well there's... A lot of it.

Okay, but where do I start?

So there are two types of text adventure. The one you might be more accustomed to, and which sees more modern use, is called Hypertext Interactive Fiction. The other is called Parser Interactive Fiction, it's generally seen in older games, as well as games that are larger, feature more puzzles, or involve more exploration.

Hypertext games

Basically, the game will give you a scenario, and then a list of options (hypertext links) to click on to decide what to do next. These are usually more beginner friendly since you don't need to fiddle around with parsers, but personally I find them a bit limiting. Nonetheless, if you're new to Text Adventure, they're a good place to start.

Some of my favourites hypertext games (summaries in green)

My Father's Long, Long Legs is an interactive horror story about family, unease, and loss. Really more of a story than a game, but still good. Very nice use of sound. It does have some visual aspects, so this one might not work with screen readers

Scene Kid Simulator is pretty much what it says on the tin. A cute, nostalgic, coming-of-age slice of life story from the POV of a 2000s scene preteen. Nothing special, but a fun time.

The Uncle Who Works at Nintendo is a strange, unconventional, witty, and heartfelt horror game. Your friend has an uncle who he says works for Nintendo. You're about to meet him, or so he says. A fun and spooky look at childhood, childhood friendships, and childhood lies.

16 Ways to Kill a Vampire at McDonald's is... A joy to play. The name says it all honestly. Witty, charming, tense, engaging, and emotional when it wants to be. I actually found this one through a lucky Tumblr Blaze, which makes sense since this is perfectly suited to Tumblr sensibilities. This one has more puzzle aspects than most hypertext games, but it's still relatively easy and beginner friendly. You're a vampire hunter. It's your night off, and you go to McDonald's. But there's something wrong with the customer sitting beside you...

Toadstools is a game about hunting mushrooms. You have trespassed in a national park and you are wandering blindly through the woods looking for rare fungi. Good luck :)

Parser games

Okay these fuckers are where I really get excited. These games have the classic flashing cursor line where you input text like "go north", "search bookshelf", or "kiss my husband", and the game's rudimentary AI parses your input to decide what happens next. These are my favourites. They really allow you the feeling of exploring the game world, immerse you in the protagonist and the story, using just text on a screen and simple inputs. This does make them considerably more difficult, since a) you need to decide the right way to phrase what you want to do, otherwise it won't work, and b) more possibilities means more chances to mess up and miss things. Unlike video games, your cursor won't light up when you see something important, you'll have to search stuff and work things out on your own But, in my opinion, it is so, so worth it. Summaries in red

The first text adventure game I ever played was One Eye Open. It's an extremely graphic and gory medical horror game (although I would consider it tasteful medical horror, in that it never derives horror from medical procedures, disability, or ooOoHh gross scary sick people) You play as a volunteer test subject for a medical research facility, having to unravel the mystery of the hospital's bloody past. It's good. It's fun. It's tense. It has some really dumb mechanics. Don't play if you're sensitive to descriptions of gore, death, or corpses. This one doesn't have a walkthrough, but I've played it enough times to know the puzzles by heart, DM me if you need help.

Anchorhead is possibly my favourite piece of interactive fiction I've ever played. It's incredible. You play as a newlywed woman, moving to the small seaside town of Anchorhead after your husband Michael inherited a mansion from some distant relatives. There's something wrong with the town though. There's definitely something wrong with your husband's mysterious ancestors. And you're starting to think that there might be something strange happening to Michael. Get ready for some wonderfully atmospheric and immersive Lovecraftian horror, action sequences that are incredibly vibrant for Text Adventure, and a super compelling mystery that the game lets you work out on your own. The puzzles here are hard. I'm not gonna lie, I used a walkthrough at several points during this game. But my god it's worth it. Big massive huge content warning here for mentions of incest, sexual assault, and pedophilia. Not in excess, and nothing explicit, but it will be mentioned as part of the story.

Little Blue Men is a short, strange, sci-fi-ish horror-ish comedy-ish game by the same author as Anchorhead, though the two games are wildly different. You are an office worker. Cope with it. Take The Stanley Parable, Stella Firma, and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, mash 'em together, and you have Little Blue Men. It's bizarre. It's evocative. It's pretty darn good.

Coloratura is a strangely beautiful sci-fi story. You're a weird little alien blob. You've been separated from your home and are trapped aboard a human spaceship. You need to get home, need to make the humans understand in the only ways you can: color and song.

Slouching Towards Bedlam is a brilliant little steampunk game about language, choice, cults, Armageddon, and triangles. This game has multiple endings. It's neat in that none of the endings are really "good" or "bad". Rather, you need to decide where you stand, and act in the way you think is best.

The Lurking Horror is the grandparent of horror interactive fiction, released in the late 80s. You're a tech student in university. Something more than electricity is powering the school's computers. Find it, but don't die along the way. Besides the comically archaic descriptions of computers, this game doesn't feel all that dated. It's tricky, puzzle-heavy, and charmingly surreal. (Fun fact, this game and another old TA game called Zork inspired the "darkness kills you" mechanic which would later be popularized in Don't Starve!)

Nine Lives is a very short, very weird, very cartoony game where you play a cat that is very bad at staying alive. Cw for non-graphic but repeated cat death.

Spider and Web is one of the most ingenious uses of Text Adventure as a medium I've ever seen. It's famous for having one of, if not the singular best puzzles in video game history. It's tense, it's fast-paced, it introduces you to mechanics slowly and then lets you test them out on your own. I won't spoil too much, but you play as a very badass spy, reliving your brilliant heist during an interrogation. This game even features a character destined to be a Tumblr Sexyman. It really has it all.

If anyone actually read through all this, and has even considered playing any of these games, I'll be a little surprised. This post turned out a lot longer than I wanted it to be. It was meant to just be "hey interactive fiction is a cool and underappreciated medium, go check it out", but this is my special interest, and not one I often get to talk about. I guess this was me infodumping to the only place that will listen, the empty void of the internet. But these games are fun. And they do not get enough love. Text games are a dying genre, if they're not dead already. Give them a chance, show them some love.

[abigailmoment]

BG3 Fiction List

This is not a complete list. There are more on AO3, and they come with author's notes.

-

Game

A Dream of Silence

-

Astarion Short Stories

Revivify With Cloth And Thread (Clive, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Everybody Loves Karlach, Even Astarion, 200 Years Of Sewing Experience)

Kindness Is Quiet And Bright (Astarion/Tav. Nightmares, Crying in the night, Vulnerable Astarion, Protective Tav)

-

BG3 Long Series

The Last Will and Testament of Cazador Szarr (Astarion/Gale, AU - Reluctant Vampire Lord Dekarios, Inheriting People, Angst, Mystery, Massive Power Imbalance, A Curiously Large Amount of Fluff)

Bard And Rogue Are Friends (Astarion/Tav. Fluff, Angst, Pining, Companion Banter, Imperiling Halsin, Talking About Feelings. Bard-Tav game playthrough.)

In The Absence of Stars (Tragic Kindness, Szarr Dungeon Culture, Terrible Hurt and Strange Comfort, Healing from Trauma, Vampire Spawn Community Building) [Complete]

-

Astarion/Other People's Tavs

Cat Burglars (Tav Name: Staeve, Fluff, Transformation, very brief peril much cuddling)

A Bird In The Hand (Tav Name: Finch, Fluff, Transformation, birb)

-

Not BG3 Writing

Open Sorcery (Game. Paid. Technology, magic, and becoming a person.)

16 Ways to Kill a Vampire at McDonalds (Game. Free. Title fairly self-explanatory. Not Astarion.)

Hearth & Holmes (Game. Early in development. Sherlock Holmes as an uncooperative Tamagotchi.)

[hpowellsmith]

my brother in law and i have made our ways through all of your available cog stories (you have become a household name); i wanted to ask if there are any choice of games or other interactive fiction you recommend? i saw you answered in 2020, but wanted to see if there's any more on your radar since then!

I have a bunch of links and recommendations over here including my top ChoiceScript games ever. And I am here to recommend lots more!

Please note that I have the time and energy to play very few games and a vanishingly small number of WIPs. This only a tiny snapshot of the amazing interactive fiction out there. Do check out IFDB, sub-Q, the IF Comp and Spring Thing archives, the Narrascope and AdventureX speakers and exhibitors, and the interactive fiction tag on itch.io.

More below because there are A LOT:

Here is a big bunch of ChoiceScript games that I had a great time with!

Choice of Broadsides by Adam Strong-Morse, Heather Albano, and Dan Fabulich

Choice of Romance by Heather Albano and Adam Strong-Morse (note that it is not romantic and is not a dating sim!)

A Crown of Sorcery and Steel by Joshua LaBelle

Blood Moon by @barbwritesstuff

Deathless: the City's Thirst by Max Gladstone

The Dragon and the Djinn by @atharfi

The Eagle's Heir by Jo Graham and Amy Griswold

Fine Felines by Felicity Banks

Hollywood Visionary by Aaron Reed

Nikola Tesla: War of the Currents by Dora Klindžić

An Odyssey: Shadows of War by Natalia Theodoridou

The Play's the Thing by Jo Graham and Amy Griswold

Rent-a-Vice by Natalia Theodoridou

Siege of Treboulain by Jed Herne

Stronghold by Jo Graham and Amy Griswold

Their Majesties' Pleasure by Leia Talon

Thieves Gambit: Curse of the Black Cat by Dana Duffield

Tower Behind the Moon by Kyle Marquis

Turncoat Chronicle by @zincalloygames

Weyrwood by Isabella Shaw

Visual novels:

Analogue: A Hate Story by Christine Love

Dream Daddy by Game Grumps (writers: Vernon Shaw and Leighton Gray)

EXTREME MEATPUNKS FOREVER by Heather Flowers

Ladykiller in a Bind by Christine Love

Other IF-adjacent games with visuals that I have loved:

80 Days by inkle (writers: Jon Ingold and Meghna Jayanth)

Fallen London by Failbetter Games

Overboard! by inkle (writer: Jon Ingold)

Over the Alps by Stave Studios

Twines:

There are so many more that I've enjoyed but these were what popped into my head right now - this is one where it's essential to check out itch.io:

Anything by porpentine charity heartscape especially With Those We Love Alive and Vesp

16 Ways to Kill a Vampire at McDonalds by Abigail Corfman

Cactus Blue Motel by Astrid Dalmady

Detritus by Maz Hamilton (published as Mary Hamilton)

Faith by @kithj

Invasion by Cat Manning

Human Errors by Katherine Morayati

If I Die, Consume Me by @fiddles-ifs

Mama Possum by Kevin Snow

Nine Months Out by @nellplays

Salvage by @atharfi

Tangaroa Deep by Astrid Dalmady

To Spring Open by Yoon Ha Lee and Peter Berman (as Two-Bit Chip)

Parser games:

The Boot-Scraper by Caleb Wilson

The Compass Rose by Yoon Ha Lee (note that I didn't finish this one because I am bad at puzzles)

Galatea by Emily Short

Gun Mute by C. E. J. Pacian (as above)

Laid Off From The Synesthesia Factory by Katherine Morayati

Lime Ergot by Caleb Wilson

Midnight. Swordfight. by Chandler Groover

Take by Katherine Morayati

Games made with other tools:

Cape by Bruno Dias (Raconteur)

Honeysuckle by Cat Manning (Texture)

Prospero by Bruno Dias (Raconteur)

I play such a vanishingly small number of WIPs that it's ridiculous but I did really enjoy what I played of these two and am looking forward to more:

Body Count (@bodycountgame) by @nellplays (Twine)

Chop Shop by Becky @losergames (Twine)

Fervency (@fervency-if ) by Niko Charos (ChoiceScript)

[nonbinarylocalcryptid]

MAG10 - Vampire Killer

*turns around in the most ugliest coolest yellowest office chair like a Bond villain, petting a baguette-shaped cushion* so, you came here from MAG9 without expecting the whiplash. Don't worry, you are not alone lmao

Trevor Herbert is like a homeless Chuck Norris, a shaggy Terminator, a Van Helsing lite (the Hugh Jackman one, not the original). He looks in your head like the dog in The Lady and The Tramp but in human version.

And the very first thing this mf says when he writes his statement is "I've been procrastinating this shit for 50 years, but hey, I finally came to the Magnus Institute". So better late than never and all that jazz.

Quoooooooting timeeeee:

"I hear someone even made me a page on the Internet and it got a few thousand likes. I don’t know exactly what that means but it sounds nice." - Trevor Herbert, July 10th 2010

Aww, doesn't he sound nice? :D

"Obviously that’s not why I’m here, though, is it? No, I’m here because I have also dedicated my life to finding and killing vampires." - Also f*cking Trevor

Sorry u wHAT

" (...) but I do not have proof to give you except for the vampire teeth that I will leave with this statement." - Trevor "I brought you a souvenir" Herbert

" I killed my first vampire in 1959." - Trevor Herbert, THE LEGEND THE MAN THE MYTH

You wish you sound as badass xD

"I was hit by a stale, coppery smell that I did not recognise as old blood at the time, since I was barely 16 and did not have then the experience I have now." - Trevor, barely 16 but already a poet

I find upsetting how many statement givers were so young they didn't know they were smelling blood.

"The furniture and wallpaper had clearly not been changed in many decades, and a thick layer of dust covered everything." - Trevor, 16, also an offended interior designer

LOL the landlord when he tells you " I just painted everything, it's all new"

"I remember wondering whether Sylvia McDonald walked exactly the same route through the house always, as I saw other clear lines of passage in the rooms we passed through." - Trevor "WTF" Herbert

" It was 1968, I remember because that was the year United won the European Cup, (...)" - Trevor "Yes, I'm British, why u asking?" Herbert

"I do not know if you’ve ever felt your blood being sucked out of you, but I would not recommend it." - By Trevor, 0/5, no stars

"Regardless, there is substantial evidence to support the version of events told by Mr. Herbert in all aspects except the vampirism." - Jon Sims, April 13th 2016

He really said "I believe everything except the vampire bullshit" XD

"(...) It may be that they take Mr. Herbert’s statement far more seriously than I do." - Also Jon

He sees that a lot of government and law people takes this statement seriously and goes "hm how weird, why tho, it's all bullshit"

Small review:

The vampires in the tma universe are so freaking weird, disturbing of course, personally I can't really tell if they are scary tho, but I'm certain they are a mystery.

Gotta say, RIP Nigel, he seemed nice :(

I must admit Trevor is quite an interesting figure, he's intelligent and resourceful, can do much with almost nothing and put together every piece of information he has in a way he can reach a satisfactory conclusion. And then he just sticks with it. There are these monsters, which I know how to kill, and so I do it. Simple. Efficient. Practical as hell.

This is also the second time going clubbing has ended horribly for someone in tma, and honestly? Wtf

This guy just die in the break room, like, lmao. He really said "no time like the present, may as well reach supersaiyan state in that couch over ther", and he fucking did it

And then Jon ends everything by showing a lot of evidences while acting the sceptic part and it's so goddamn funny. He should be a comedian.

General overview:

Vibe: this one is so fucking wild, nice homeless grandpa ends up being the modern Van Helsing and "dies" in a couch at paranormal research institute. Iconic

Horror: there are cryptids in it, that's horror genre coded

Audio: pretty ASMR in general

Humour: hilarious Terminator Grandpa, feat.Jon being Jon

Score: 10/10

[masteryaddleisagilf]

Game Rec! (Free!!)

I have recently been playing 16 Ways to Kill A Vampire at McDonald's. It is an online interactive fiction game that is exactly what it says on the tin: You try to find the 16 ways you can kill a vampire at McDonald's

Hilarious, fantastic, fun... what else can I say? I liked it

[faebriel]

trick or treat!!

👾🎃🍬🌃 happy belated halloween!! i have decided to give out some treats i have found across the web and yours my pal is abigail corfman's site of games. i can personally vouch for 16 ways to kill a vampire at mcdonalds, detroit: become nothing, and making trouble. they slap

[turtlemagnum]

so, spent some time with fallout: new california (new vegas mod), probably about 15-16 hours judging by how long i stayed up that one night, so here's my review:

writing was better than that of fallout 3 or 4, but to me that's as much of a compliment as saying that a mcdonalds burger tastes better than literal shit. i liked the characters, there's a certain charm to most of them, but i wouldn't consider the writing to be exceptional. i also feel like the writing got significantly worse after leaving the vault, but that might just be that the companions i had basically had nothing to say after getting to safety. i will add that the voice acting was all around pretty great, even if in some areas the writing wasn't up to par. i'll also say that in some areas, their insistence on stuff being fallout lore friendly felt a bit.... repetitive, of previous games?? like aside from the enclave still existing (which to be fair, fallout 3 insisted it still exists too but i don't count that, the damn enclave was blown up in fallout 2), it's also a bit weird to me how there's also just another guy who's basically just the master, but again

some context is that i went relatively scorched earth, war of all against all type deal, which is something i rarely do in RPGs. it started with killing all the raiders in their mine area (side note but i wish you could free the slaves, though to be fair that's also a problem in vanilla new vegas so eh). but the way i played was essentially just... holding my ground?? raiders wanted me dead, i killed them. and when i got to the NCR dipshit, he threatened my life if i didn't work for him so i killed him too, thus pissing off the NCR and seemingly a few other groups (like gun runners). but it all felt natural, i normally don't like playing as a wasteland boogieman kinda guy but the way i naturally fell into it felt pretty nice. y'know how in jjba, pillar men are to vampires what vampires are to humans?? i felt like that sorta deal to raiders and other such miscreants, even moreso than in base new vegas. it felt natural, very very natural, and i didn't really feel bad for simply standing my ground, y'know?

i do like the update to the NCR uniform, it actually blends in pretty well with the worldspace and caused me to mistake shrubs for corpses and vice versa. made looting NCR troopers a bit more of a pain, but it was executed in such a way that made me appreciate the extra effort that they honestly didn't really have to do. like, with a lot of things i feel like they coulda left something untouched and it would've been just fine, but they tried to improve it and i appreciate that (like the 10mm pistol!! i actually really love the update to the 10mm pistol model, looks more like an actual gun)

i do like the relative freedom afforded by the game. right at the start of the "real" game, i immediately shot the siblings bragg in the face, and it just let me! sure, they got back up, even after i esploded their heads with my 10mm, but that just meant that i got more 10mm off their corpses (which also seemed to regenerate, weirdly enough). from what i've seen, doing the NCR main quest seems a bit railroady, but i've definitely seen new vegas mods do the overall concept of "NCR main quest for our quest mod" far, far worse. i also like that there comes a time where you're actually free to rearrange the brain matter of senator dickshitter (i don't remember his name). the whole empire of japanese immigrants thing felt a bit contrived, but i can't say that it wasn't cool, and to be fair i think that things can be a bit contrived if they're cool enough and it's not that implausible

the thing where one of the only main cities exclusively insists on NCR dollars is insufferable, mostly because gunrunners was there and they didn't even have any NCR dollars for sale. one of my favorite pasttimes to do in the base game is to lightly flirt major knight into repairing my shit for free and abusing that to get guns and armor i looted off of raiders all pristine and ripe for selling, and one of the best places to hawk my garbage is gun runners because they're A. rich as hell and 2. have a lot of guns and ammo and gun accessories, and as a gunfucker who literally learned to mod the game to edit how the guns work, that gets me off like you wouldn't believe (side note but i'm actually pretty sure new vegas was what originally set me on the path of becoming a gun guy, like in retrospect. i really appreciate the fact that this damn game gave me my strongest special interest, and that the devs went so far as to actually buy guns and shoot them to see how they should properly work, using (mostly) real guns and calibers and shit)

this is all to say that all in all, i liked new california. i wouldn't say i loved it, and after one extended play session and a second few hour one, i wouldn't say i feel compelled to keep playing. but all in all, i'd recommend it. now, does it compare well to vanilla new vegas? no. but that's like saying that this mcdonalds cheeseburger isn't as good as the best damn burger you've ever had, made just for you from a local joint. now, is it a nice change of pace? does it give you new fun to have in one of the greatest games of all time? absolutely. i'd recommend it, though to be clear i'd personally back up your game before installing it and then once you're done, delete the new california install and just copy and paste your original version back to where it was. or, like me, also back up your new california install because you might (might) wanna revisit it.

[twinegardening]

16 Ways to Kill a Vampire at McDonalds by Abigail Corfman

You're a vampire hunter on your night off. You're getting a manicure, seeing a movie, and eating fast food. But there's a vampire in this McDonalds. If you don't do something, then in one hour it will eat the cashier.

[popflythesky]

lol

[we-are-hunter]

A Fun Game. Contents described above.

[pieartsy]

[abigailmoment]

Hi hello just wanted to say you're games are incredible! They're very fun and well-made, and I've been playing A Dream of Silence and 16 Ways to Kill a Vampire in McDonalds almost constantly lol

You're an awesome and very talented person!

Thank you!

I love the thematic contrast between those two games. A small, silly part of me wants to rename 'Silence' to: '16 Ways to Save a Vampire in Baldur's Gate'.

[prokopetz]

I feel like I should already know this, but do you play straight-up interactive fiction? If so, do you have a preference on types (i.e. parser versus branching-choice-based)? Any favorites you'd rec?

I'm mostly a fan of old-school parser fic, especially ones that play with blurring the line between the parser as a gameplay conceit and the diegetic narrative – stuff like The Gostak and Emily Short's Counterfeit Monkey. If you know my bent for metatextual horseshit in my gaming, this should not surprise you!

I do have a handful of hypertext fics I'd recommend, though. My Father's Long, Long Legs is a classic for a reason, and of course Abigail Corfman's stuff isn't to be missed; she's probably best known for Open Sorcery (and its sequel), though her non-commercial work is very good as well – I particularly enjoyed 16 Ways to Kill a Vampire at McDonald's. I’m going to throw the Emily is Away series in here, too, though a purist would likely insist it’s too graphics-heavy to qualify as proper IF.

In terms of more off-the-wall titles, you might have a look at Ord., a prompt-based hypertext fic whose gimmick is that every prompt, every action, and every response is exactly one word long. It gets more narrative mileage out of those limitations than you might expect. Killing Time at Lightspeed is another great one, playing with the effects of relativistic time dilation on social media interaction. (Fair warning: the latter gets very grim!)

(I'm also going to plug Beep Boop Bitcoin, whose presence here is actually a slight spoiler, as it initially appears to be a crypto-themed parody of a Candy Box style idle clicker. You'll see what I mean if you give it a spin.)

[krafterwrites]

Since everybody is talking about vampires rn, I figured I’d bring up this fun little thing that I found a while back. It’s a text based adventure game called 16 Ways To Kill A Vampire At McDonalds, and it’s exactly what it sounds like. It’s pretty fun and some of the puzzles are pretty challenging, you should definitely play it sometime

[thestalkerbunny]

Speaking of vampires. I found a game called 16 ways to kill a vampire at mcdonalds, it's an interactive fiction where you play as a vampire slayer on her day off that has to kill a vampire before it kills a cashier at said mcdonalds. There's like 16 endings, hence the name. It's really funny and meta too, I'd think you'd like it

That's just what a regular night shift in the food service industry is like.

(but that does seem like an interesting premise)