#3 years since i formally admitted to myself and a few friends that yeah

[lynkss]

it's my transiversary 🥳

[teruthecreator]

sweet surprises

lord forgive me for the cringe i’m about to post. i fully blame this post and this post for planting the seeds of berdley having a crush on kris in my brain. also shouts out to izel for listening to me go insane at 3 AM about this. 

anyways, here’s a thing. 

______________________________________________________________

Excitement is in the air.

Unlike the usual calm monotony of life at school, things recently have been quite...electric. Not because of the portal to the Dark World hidden behind the door of the closet, or the adventures had by a select group of students through the portal in the Librarby a few days ago. No, this isn’t about that.

This is about the Sadie Hawkman’s Dance. The once-a-year phenomenon where the school puts on its best interpretation of a formal dance for the incredibly small number of students who attend class. Students buzz in excitement for the event, preparing their most formal outfits and getting ready to dazzle their friends and fellow classmates with their dramatic entrances into the auditorium.

And, of course, there’s the all important ritual of asking someone to the dance.

There’s already been a few proposals made this week. Jockington rolled into class like a hula hoop and asked Catti to be his “best bro” for the dance, to which she happily agreed. (And by that, I mean she looked up from her phone, smiled, said not a single word, and went back to typing.) Temmie loudly announced to the class that she would be taking her egg, which was somehow...embarrassed that she mentioned it. And, of course, Noelle finally managed to work up enough courage to ask Susie to the dance. It was done in an incredible display of candy canes that spelled out the phrase: “CAN(E) YOU BE MY DATE TO THE DANCE?” Unfortunately, Susie was about halfway through scarfing the display down before she realized what it said. She then began choking on one of the candy canes out of disbelief, which wound her in the nurse for the rest of the day. But, when she could speak again, she very quietly agreed to Noelle’s proposal (and, if you happened to be a fly on the wall in that room, you could hear a tail thump rhythmically against the doctor’s bench as she did so).

Kris was pleased with everything. They were happy to see their friends so happy together. A long time coming, if you asked them. And they’d be just as happy attending the dance solo, since they’ll undoubtedly be dragged along by Susie. They’d never gone to the dance before--never had a reason to, truth be told. But with their newfound friends, they may just enjoy being a wingman for the night.

...Speaking of wingmen, Berdly will probably be going solo as well. Unsurprising, but Kris makes a mental note to ensure the bird will be in attendance. As much as he is kind of a lot sometimes, he’s their friend. And Kris is going to make sure all of their friends are having fun at that dance!

They walk into class thinking of this (surprisingly early, for a change), which is why they almost miss the massive display sitting boldly atop their desk. They freeze the instant it catches their eye and, for a second, they almost believe it isn’t real. Like some leftover thoughts of the Dark World lingering in their vision. But, after wiping their eyes and seeing that it’s still there, they decide to approach and...investigate.

The display is expertly crafted by someone who clearly knows their way around a glue gun. It is a heart-shaped arch that is decorated with a myriad of printed illustrations of Super Smashing Fighters Melee characters, all having cut-outs to hold different bars of chocolate. There are also numerous origami hearts glued around the characters on the arch, in colors spanning across the rainbow. The arch is painted in swirls of blues, pinks, and reds and covered with a border of glitter that sprinkles onto the desk when Kris reaches out to pluck a chocolate bar from its perch. On the desk itself is a big origami heart that says “TO KRIS” in gold calligraphy. It is by far one of the coolest, nicest, cheesiest things Kris has ever seen.

They look up from the display to see if anyone else is seeing this shit, and that’s when it all clicks.

Because sitting at the front of the classroom, fidgeting way more than normal, is Berdly. He keeps interlocking his ankles underneath his desk before unlocking them and kicking the air, turning around every half-second or so to try and catch Kris’s reaction. From the brief moments Kris can see the front of him, they notice he’s not in his usual white collared shirt and black khaki shorts. Instead, his shirt is buttoned all the way up, with a nice blue bowtie tied around his neck. He also traded out his khaki shorts for a pair of dress pants that look to be a tad too long for his legs. He keeps reaching up to smooth out the feathers on his head, which immediately stick back up from stress.

Now, Kris may be a straight B student, but they’re not stupid. Context clues are a very good thing, and all signs point to Berdly as the culprit of this public display of...affection?

Beyond Berdly is Ms. Alphys at her desk, who shoots Kris a look of deep understanding and maybe...guilt? She looks at Berdly for a split second and shrugs her shoulders, indicating he was probably in here long before she was and so she had no way of stopping him from leaving it there.

Kris looks back down at the display and picks up the large origami heart. As they begin to unfold it, they see a sprawling letter written in the same flashy calligraphy. Kris squints at the letters--they’re dyslexic, so everything kind of just looks like spaghetti on paper. Still, they’re able to make out the largely printed question of “WILL YOU GO TO THE DANCE WITH ME?” with no issue.

Huh, guess they won’t be going to the dance alone after all…? It’s a little confusing as to why Berdly would want to go with them, though. Like, they’ve hung out a little bit--usually whenever Berdly wanted a “worthy rival” to play video games with, he would come over and Kris would whoop his ass for a few hours. And, of course, there were the recent events in the Cyber World; but Kris is pretty sure them and Susie had thoroughly convinced Noelle and Berdley that that was all a dream. So, why them?

They’re lost in this train of thought for so long that they don’t even notice the other kids enter the room until they suddenly hear:

“Yo, Kris???????? What the heck is this thing????” Susie’s voice doesn’t startle them, but it is loud enough to get them to look up. Susie is standing next to their desk, looking at the display with genuine amazement thinly masked by disgust. She’s also loud enough to basically stop the whole class (who were all muttering amongst themselves about it anyway), which gives Kris only a second to gaze around the room before--

SLAM!

The door to the classroom slams shut, leaving one seat unoccupied.

Berdley’s.

“This thing’s got chocolate on it????” Susie continues to marvel at the display while Kris looks at the door, frowning. They feel...bad. It isn’t Berdley’s fault for trying to fit in with the other kids' proposals; he admitted to feeling like he needs to do more just to stand out enough for people to acknowledge him back in the Dark World. And this thing is really...thoughtful! The characters are all ones Kris typically mains, or ones they know Berdley mains, which means he remembers things about Kris. And the chocolate is a given, but it is nice to be able to stock their personal snack stash with some fancy stuff. Ultimately, it’s very sweet, and Kris can’t help but feel a little guilty for not saying anything immediately.

They turn and lock eyes with Ms. Alphys, who looks extremely out-of-depth with this situation. She makes a number of gestures from them to the door in a flustered way of saying I have absolutely no idea what the hell is going on please help me Kris I know I’m asking a lot of you but I don’t know how to deal with teenage angst I’m like thirty-five. They sigh, standing up and walking past Susie (but not before giving her a stare that warns her if a single chocolate bar is gone that they will be holding that over her until the day she dies) and following Berdly out the door.

It doesn’t take Kris very long to follow the trail of labored breathing to where Berdley is--in the abandoned classroom, hyperventilating as he teeters on a breakdown. Luckily, when Kris opens the door, it seems to put a halt to his spiralling because he just kind of...freezes. Like a deer caught in headlights. Or a Berdley caught in Kris-lights. Kris takes this moment to let the door shut behind them, trapping the two in here. Together.

“U-Uhhhhh, hi--he--Um. H-Hello, K-Kris…” Berdly attempts to put on his usual bravado, but his voice betrays him brutally by squeaking and cracking on every syllable. Kris can’t help the smile that comes to their face.

“Uh, hey,” they reply with a wave. Berdley continues to stand there and stare (almost like he wasn’t expecting Kris to care enough to follow him) before the present circumstances return to his mind and he begins breathing hard again.

“I-I-I-I, uh...I was. Um. J-Just, uh. G-Getting some fresh air! Y-Yes! The classroom can be s-so stuffy sometimes, I’m sure y-you--you, uh...you agree?” Berdley makes a valiant attempt at hiding his panic, which Kris almost takes pity on. But they don’t think the monster will feel any better if they just pretend what happened back there never happened.

“Yeah. I liked the display.” Kris says simply. Berdley stands stock-straight at that, looking even worse for wear in the “being normal and completely cool” department.

“O-Oh??????? That ol’ thing????? I, um--well I just--y-you see, I--uh. Um,” You can really hear the gears in his head turning as he attempts to come up with an excuse. “I-I-I just thought you w-would appreciate the craftsmanship of!!! A t-true artisan, such as myself!!! So, I!!! M-Made it!!! COMPLETELY PLATONICALLY, OF COURSE!!!! I-I would never imply that my intentions w-were anything other than for bro-sies, i--You didn’t read that whole card, did you?”

“I can’t read,” They mean this as a joke, but they can see Berdley seriously consider this for a second too long. “Dude, I’m dsylexic. I can’t really read cursive…” Berdley freezes up once more, which makes Kris realize they haven’t really projected that as loudly as they might’ve thought.

“Oh! Right! How could I forget! That you’re! Dsylexic!” Berdley’s smile is stapled to his face as he begins to rhythmically knock on his head. “And I! Wrote! That! Entire! Note! In! Cursive! Which! You! Can’t! Read!!!” Kris steps forward in an attempt to keep Berdley from bashing his own skull in, but that only makes Berdley more tense, so they take a step back. “I-I just--The note isn’t important! None of it’s important actually can we forget this interaction ever happened okay? Okay yes that’s great have a wonderful day Kris I will be returning home to sitinmyroomandneverreturntothecorporealrealmalrightgoodbyeforeverKris--” He attempts to sidestep around Kris and out the door, but is very easily intercepted.

“Stop.” Kris grabs him by the shoulders, which seems to shut him up for a second. “Can you just tell me what’s wrong?” Berdley gapes at them as his face steadily grows redder, which makes Kris feel as if there’s something on their face. But he quickly shakes it off, going from completely neurotic to...dejected.

“I just…” He starts, trailing off immediately. “You deserve to have a big proposal, same as everyone else. I-I see you in the back of the class, just...watching. And I, uh, felt it was time to...give you the spotlight! But that was silly of me, wasn’t it?” He looks off to the side at the floor, smiling sadly. “After all, who’d want to go to the dance with me…? I-I’m alone every year, standing in the background. Just kind of...taking it all in...and th-thinking about how it’d be...nice to be a part of it. But that’s...not probable. It was just nice to think about taking you to the dance because you’re--well, you’re nice to me, and you’re funny, and you actually listen to me when I’m talking, an-and you’re a good person and an incredible gaming legend...but I shouldn’t have put it all on you in front of everyone...I’m. I’m sorry, Kris.” He won’t make eye contact with the human, but Kris can still see the tears collecting in his eyes.

“Berdley, that’s stupid.” Kris says, which Berdley cringes at, “Why wouldn’t I wanna go with you?” That part is...not what Berdley was expecting. He looks up at Kris, unsure of where to go from here.

“U-Um…? Because of all the previously stated things? Like me being a complete loser who nobody likes?”

“I like you,” Kris replies immediately, leaving Berdley’s feathers sticking straight up as he flusters. “And I like your display. It’s...really sweet.”

“E-Even if you can’t read the note?” Berdley’s voice cracks.

“I mean, I could read the: WILL YOU GO WITH ME TO THE DANCE part, so, like. Yeah.” Kris shrugs. “Plus, you got me chocolate. Nice chocolate. Nobody...gets me things like that.” They smile, a light dusting of blush across their face. “I’ll go with you.” Berdley’s entire body seizes up for the third time, eyes wide and mouth agape.

“W-W-w-W-w-w-w-w-W-W-W-w-w-w-Wh-Wha-wh-w-w-wha-wha-w-wh-Wh-Wha-wh-Wha-wha-w-w-W-W-W--” Berdley continues to struggle with the word “what” for a solid minute and a half before he’s finally about to manage a: “What?!” Kris can’t help but laugh.

“I said that, Berdley,” at this, they move their grip from his shoulders to his hands, “I will go to the Sadie Hawkman’s dance with you.”

The circuits in Berdley’s brain struggle with this frequency for an extended moment before his face erupts in the giddiest smile Kris has ever seen the bird monster sport. He even begins to jump up and down, taking Kris along with him, as he cackles. It is a surprisingly cute display that Kris finds themselves blushing a bit at. It’s nice to be this...cared about.

“I-I--We have to start thinking of outfits immediately!” Berdley blurts out, returning to their usual demeanor. “I was thinking of some complimentary color schemes on the way to school today which I will be happy to show you at lunchtime. I’m also a master with a sewing machine, so if you are unable to procure an outfit that meets the color requirements, I would be delighted to take your measurements and--w-wait, don’t read into that phrasing, I just m-meant that I could make an outfit for you! B-But I’d need your measurements, and--Oh, goodness, hasn’t class started already, Kris?! We should head back, but--” He looks from the door to Kris and back again a few times before finally settling on something.

“I’lltalktoyouaboutthislaterseeyouinclassKris!!!!!” He says this right before he gives Kris a solitary peck on the cheek before bolting out of the abandoned classroom, leaving Kris blinking at the Berdley-shaped cloud he left behind. Their hand gently grazes the spot on their cheek--luckily not actually pecked by his beak, but more of a quick-kiss kind of peck--and feel their heart skip a beat.

Huh.

That’s...different.

They elect to not dwell on that feeling any longer and head back to class. They have to make sure Susie hasn’t eaten all of the chocolate on that display.

They wouldn’t want to make Berdley go through the trouble of re-proposing  just so they could rightfully claim their other sweet surprise.

[petri808]

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 fin

Inukag Royalty Au

A month had gone by since the Naraku incident and for the two royal families, life had seemingly returned to normal. Princess Rin found in Prince Souta a new friend closer to her age, Miroku had started following Sango around— much to her chagrin, and the Queens were already teasing their kids over future grandchildren. The formal wedding celebration had begun with guests from all their ally territories in attendance. It was truly a large and joyous occasion. The Higurashi’s ballroom was filled with the finest food and drink, beautiful decor, and music to entertain the masses. Both kingdoms were ready to put all the misunderstandings aside, ready for a bright new future. But not everyone was in a celebratory mood.

The party was already in mid-swing with Prince Inuyasha and Princess Kagome mingling with the guests and giving off on an air of contentment. Plastered smiled and staged conversations. But once the revelers seemed fully preoccupied by drink and merriment, Inuyasha pulled Kagome to the side.

“I could use some fresh air,” he suggested quietly.

“Mmhmm,” she agreed with a nod.

Inuyasha took Kagome by entwined fingers and led her out to a side garden where they would have some privacy. No one noticed them take their leave, save for their ever-dutiful attendants who simply nodded their approval. Don’t get him wrong, Inuyasha wasn’t having second doubts about marrying Kagome. He loved her, there was no question about it. But that didn’t mean there weren’t a few things still left unanswered. He could sense in her that she felt the same way, so with the start of their new lives truly about to begin, it was time to get things straightened out.

“Is this, okay?” Inuyasha questioned once they reached a small gazebo. “The night air isn’t too cold, is it?”

“No, it’s alright.” Kagome sat down with Inuyasha following her lead. “I suppose this was inevitable.”

The last couple of months had been such a whirlwind. From her identity being found out, to Naraku, the threat on the kingdom, the wedding— she and Inuyasha didn’t have any time to talk. Or rather, Kagome had also been nervous to do so.

“I think so too.” Inuyasha took her hands. “Please do not think I brought you out here because I am unhappy with you or that this marriage was simply to save you from Naraku.” He brought her hands to his chest and held them tightly. “I married you because I love you. But I just wanted to make certain there isn’t anything else you’d kept from me. All those months you were with us under false pretenses, I wish to know what was fact, and what was fiction?”

Kagome dropped her gaze to the ground. “I’m sure it’s obvious that all the stories about my family were fiction since they are very much alive. But there were truths woven in. In her youth, my mother’s parents really did not provide her a tutor because they didn’t believe a noble woman needed anything more than how to satisfy and cater to a husband. So, she took it upon herself to listen in during her brother’s lessons, then steal away to their library to educate herself further. With me, she made sure I got as much education as they could provide. Sango taught me a lot about how to protect myself and to use a bow. My parents weren’t thrilled about it but didn’t stop us either.” She looked back up at Inuyasha. “And Tanaka was the name of an old attendant of mine. As for what else is true, falling in love. I tried so hard to resist you because I didn’t want either of us to get hurt.” Kagome looked down again. “I should have thought things out more clearly before I ran… it caused so many problems for everyone. Yet even so, I feel guilty because it had led me to you and the happiest time of my life. You, Rin, your family, I love you all so much for what you’ve done for me. I wouldn’t know where to begin in repaying such a debt.”

“Is there anything else I should know?”

“Who you saw in me, my personality, and behaviors, that was all still me. I didn’t change that part— don’t think I could have lied to that degree and made it believable.”

Inuyasha tipped Kagome’s chin back up. “I believe you; I can sense that much in you.” He smiled before leaning in with a soft kiss. “Now, is there anything you’d like to ask me?”

“No,” she shook her head and smiled. “I feel you’ve always shown me the real you.”

He kissed her again, deeper, letting it linger as he kept their foreheads touching. “There is no debt to be repaid my love. For you’ve already given me what I’ve been searching for my whole life.”

“What… do you mean?”

“Acceptance— true acceptance.”

“I-I don’t understand…”

Inuyasha pulled back but kept his palm cradling Kagome’s cheek. “All my life I’ve felt split between two worlds because I’m a hanyo. Yokai and human alike would sometimes look at me differently. Of course, they wouldn’t dare say anything to my face, but I could feel the awkwardness. That’s why I was very angry for a long time. Rin forced me to lighten up, but I still felt inside like I’d never be truly accepted and yet you loved me despite my nature. Now, I don’t care if anyone else judges me differently, as long as I have you by my side.”

Kagome’s eyes crinkled at the corners as a few happy tears pooled in them. “Oh, Inu, I’m just as lucky to have you too.” She chuckled and smiled. “My mother worried no one would want a woman who’s feisty.”

He laughed, “that’s exactly what drew me to you.”

She leaned her head onto his shoulder with a contented sigh. “Fate was never something I really believed in before, but it’s hard not to think there is truth on such tales.”

“It is quite ironic how things worked out in the end, but I’m really happy they did.”

“Me too.”

This was a future neither had allowed themselves to believe possible. For Kagome, the fairytales of finding a Prince Charming were once a dream now come true, and Inuyasha the weight of lonely years melted away. They sat there for a few minutes in a comfortable silence, simply enjoying the night air and absorbing this whole new life about to begin. What will it be like? Will they always be happy now? Have all their worries ended? As a second son, they won’t have the stress of ruling to deal with, so that just left creating a normal family life— well, as normal of a life a royal could design. Children… how many should they have? These are the kinds of questions the couple will need to ponder at some point.

Speaking of children, Kagome flushed at the idea. While they have had a few intimate moments, mostly kissing and a little bit of touching, but the couple had not gone all the way yet and frankly Kagome was a little nervous about it.

“Inu?” Her voice was soft, hesitant in breaking the silence. She wasn’t sure how she’ll take his answer, but Kagome wanted to know.

“Yeah?”

“Have you, been with anyone before… like, i-in bed?”

“No. Why do you ask?”

“I’ve heard stories about how princes can be loose like that…”

“Well, not me. I won’t lie and say I’d never been tempted, but most of the women I’ve been around never interested me much. Nobles are usually so… boring or just looking to increase their status and I wasn’t about that.”

“Are you nervous about it?”

“A little.”

“Me too.”

Inuyasha turned to face Kagome. “I won’t force you, if you’re not ready.” He lifted her chin. “I’ll wait as long as you need.”

Kagome blushed harder. “It’s not… that… I want to… with you.”

“Oh,” his brow raised with a chuckle. “Have you been fantasizing about me?”

“Maybe… Have you?”

“Oh— yeah.” He grinned. “How could I not? Every time I’d see your beautiful face, and this,” his hands moved down to her waist, “body, just dreaming of learning every inch of it. Plus, have you any idea how much your scent drives me wild?” She shook her head no. Inuyasha leaned down, his lips so close to her neck, his breath sent chills down her body. “Well, it does, and now you know,” he answered in a husky tone.

“Oh… Inu…” Kagome breathed out when his lips grazed her skin. Her hands clutched to his vest, pulling, begging he stay right where he was as her head tilted to give a great span of access.

Inuyasha chuckled, whispering a tease. “Princess we’re too out in the open to be getting so hot and heavy. Or is this a naughtier side you’ve been hiding from me?”

“S-Sorry,” Kagome blushed. “I don’t know what came over me.”

“No need to apologize love.” He kissed her forehead. “I’m excited too.”

Now that the air had been cleared, the couple decided to go back to the party before someone came looking for them. It was winding down already, and guests were starting to leave. They assisted their parents in giving their thanks and wishing safe journeys to those traveling a distance. Then once they were assured, they were no longer required to stay, Inuyasha and Kagome retreated to their private room.

“Need any pointers?” Miroku whispered to the prince as he escorted them through the castle.

“Pfft, not from you,” Inuyasha sneered back.

Miroku chuckled as they reached the room. “Have fun you two,” he winked before walking away.

“Damn pervert.”

“Leave him be,” Kagome giggled as she pulled Inuyasha into the room and locked the door. “He means well. Will you help me with this dress?”

“I know…” Inuyasha sighed. “And of course. What do you need me to do?”

Kagome’s face heated up, but she stayed with her convictions. I’m a firm, yet tentative tone. “Take it off me.”

Inuyasha’s eyes widened as a grin formed. “With pleasure…”

Their time at the Higurashi castle had come to an end, and the Inu royals said their goodbyes. Kagome’s parents were sad to see her go but were happy with the outcome knowing their son-in-law will take good care of their daughter. Promises were made to visit as often as possible, and they looked forward to the grandchildren yet to come. Sango would stay on and become a member of the Inu kingdom for Kagome, much to the delight of Miroku. The Princess had teased her friend about the budding infatuation, but Sango still refused to admit there was something brewing. That left more addition to the entourage, Sango’s younger brother since he became her ward after the death of their parents. Princess Rin was delighted by the decision because now she’ll have a friend to play with at the palace. Even her father Sesshomaru had taken a surprising interest in the boy’s prospects as a future soldier.

The newlyweds were given their own comfortable carriage to travel in. Which was great because it gave them privacy during the four-day trip. Inuyasha pulled Kagome close and kissed her forehead. “Ready to start our new future Princess?”

“Mmm,” she smiled. “I can’t wait.”

~~~~~

Sorry this final chapter is a bit lackluster, but the last couple of weeks I kinda lost motivation to write. I hope it was still at least okay, and thank you to everyone who's been following along :)

[terrm9]

Count Me In (Ethan X MC)

Words count: 3 800 Warnings: none. this is just pure fluff and I like to believe that there are also funny parts. 

Author’s note: I had an idea about the gang roasting Ethan for a long time and Chapter 17 made me write this (set some days after the chapter). It was supposed to be just the gang making fun of Ethan, but in the end I got a little bit carried away and it’s basically Bryce Lahela appreciation post oops

Getting dressed for their roommates Sunday brunch has been filled with a newfound nervousness this Sunday. Yesterday evening, as Sienna and Aurora were discussing whether they would make waffles or pancakes and Jackie added that Bryce and Kyra would be joining them, so they need to make more of anything that would be served, Elijah subtly nodded towards the girls and then turned to Chiara with a wide grin on his lips.

“We were actually thinking about inviting Dr. Ramsey too, now that you guys are official and everything. We know that Sundays are his days off too.”

Chiara’s eyes widened at the offer, not sure if they were joking or not.

They were not.

And so now she was sitting in her room, ready to eat and drink while also comforting her… boyfriend? Partner? What was he?

Whatever he was, she was comforting Ethan through the phone, secretly smiling at his nervous rambling about the wine he was planning to bring and sweater he was wearing (‘Is it too formal? Or should I wear something more formal? My white Oxford?’)

“Deep breaths, Ethan. Jackie is probably going to stay in her pajamas the whole day, so there really isn’t a dresscode. Just wear whatever you feel comfortable with.”

“Okay. Yes, of course, whatever I am comfortable in,” he muttered, and Chiara could hear Jenner’s barking in the background and then a soft thud, muting the dog’s calling. “I am leaving the apartment now, so I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

As Chiara hung up, she heard new voices coming from the living room, indicating that Kyra and Bryce were already there. She decided to take the chance and talk to her friends before Ethan comes.

After hugging both Kyra and Bryce and helping Sienna set the table, Chiara took a deep breath and said: “Ethan will be here any minute now. Please, please, please guys, be nice to him, okay? He is so nervous, and I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable.”

Bryce smiled sweetly and nodded, while Sienna replied: “Don’t worry Chiara, we will be nice, stuffing his mouth with the best pancakes he’s ever eaten and smiling politely. No worries.”

“Exactly,” Kyra nodded in agreement. “We would never do anything to embarrass you.”

“Or him,” Jackie added, smiling all too innocently for Chiara to believe a word of what they were saying.

Before she could inquire any further, the soft knock on the front door disturbed them and all she could do was to shoot everyone a deadly glare before opening a door.

“Hey, handsome,” she whispered with a smile as she spotted Ethan standing in the hall. He was wearing a knitted cream-color sweater and dark jeans, a bottle of wine in his hand.

He kissed her softly before stepping into the apartment, trying his best to maintain his usual attitude of composed, distant Dr. Ramsey they all knew.

I am still their boss. I shouldn’t be nervous about having an early lunch with them.

“Dr. Ramsey!” Sienna jumped out of living room before Chiara could even try to calm him down. “We are all so happy you decided to join us. Come in, everything is ready.”

Glancing at Chiara one more time, Ethan moved to the living room, where all of Chiara’s friends have already been seated around large dining table.

The room was filled with sweet aroma of freshly-made pancakes, maple syrup and raspberry jam, whipped cream and coffee. He handed the bottle of wine to Sienna.

“Thank you for the invitation,” he finally said as he sat down on the chair next to Chiara. “The pancakes look delicious. Which one of you is such a good cook? I know for sure it’s not Chiara,” he couldn’t help but tease.

She smacked his arm lightly but didn’t say anything, knowing rather well that Ethan was right.

“Sienna is the best cook and baker of all of us,” Elijah smiled just as Sienna made her way to the table, the bottle of wine already open. “This is hers and Aurora’s work.”

“Yeah, I was even more terrible cook than Chiara when I moved in and ever since Sienna discovered the fact, she’s been giving me private lessons. Today, I’ve learned to make pancakes,” Aurora chuckled.

With everyone seated, they started to fill their plates with pancakes and fruit and chocolate chips, the room filled with sounds of cutlery meeting plates and occasional sipping of wine.

“This wine is really good, Dr. Ramsey,” Jackie nodded in approval. “I never took you for an expert on wine.”

He chuckled softly at that and after swallowing his bite, he answered: “I am not, but I thought you aren’t such big fans of whiskey as I am. Few years ago, it was the last year of my residency I think, I saved the man who owns vineyards in Tuscany and he sends me few bottles of the wine every year, no matter how many times I tell him there is no need to do so. I brought some more, it’s in the trunk of my car. I’ll go grab it.”

Chiara beamed at his words, thankful to her friends for actually sticking to their words and acting nice. Ethan’s hand found Chiara’s knee under the table and he gave it a light squeeze, their own way of communicating without attracting the attention of others.

Another silence followed, however not an awkward one, rather simply comfortable silence between people enjoying the good food and company of each other.

Thank God they are not embarrassing us-

Before she could finish her thankful thought, Bryce cleared his throat and spoke.

“Surely you understand, Dr. Ramsey, that now that you and Chiara are officially together, we need to ask you some questions to make sure that your intentions with Chiara are absolutely pure.”

Ethan swallowed the pancake a little bit harder than he normally would, but he knew how important these people were to Chiara and also how important Chiara was to him, and so he simply nodded.

Meanwhile, Chiara put her fork down loudly and exclaimed: “What the fuck, Bryce?”

She looked around the table only to see all of her friends smiling mischievously and it all clicked.

They invited Ethan for the brunch so that they could roast him. That was also the reason why Bryce and Kyra made sure to come too.

“What? Your mum asked as to do so,” Bryce shrugged.

“No she didn’t,” Chiara shook her head, throwing murderous glances at her so called best friend Bryce Lahela.

“Okay, no, she didn’t, I made that up,” he admitted, grinning. “But I am sure she will be happy to know that your boyfriend passed the test.”

“Just shut up, Lahela. We are leaving,” she gritted her teeth. She could feel her cheeks flushing and hot at the word ‘boyfriend’ that Bryce used so easily. Even she didn’t dare to call Ethan her boyfriend yet!

She turned her head to look at Ethan and to her surprise, he was leaning against the chair, amused smile on his lips.

As he wrapped his arm around her shoulder, he said: “It’s okay, Chiara. I can answer the questions. I am an open book.”

At that, Chiara snorted loudly and murmured: “No you are not.”

“Bring the questions on then, Dr. Lahela,” Ethan nodded in the young surgeon’s direction. “As long as they are not too private, I am pretty sure I can pass your test.”

He wasn’t sure, of course. He was even more nervous than before and all the terrible scenarios ran through his head faster than Jenner ran while hounding squirrel in the park.

But to fake a confidence was his only weapon right now and he made sure to use it.

“Great, I’ll start then,” Bryce smiled even wider and Chiara clenched her hands into fists to not to wipe that smirk off his face. No matter how hard Bryce tried to explain that what they were about to do was for her own good, she knew that her friends stupidly enjoyed the position they were in right now.

Because right now, Ethan Ramsey wasn’t their boss. Right now, he was Chiara’s boyfriend and an intruder in their group and they could tease him and roast him and use all those sarcastic comments he’s been using their whole intern year on them, on him.

She crossed her arms on her chest and waited for Bryce’s question.

“I’ll start lightly, we don’t want to scare you in the beginning after all. We all know you are an outstanding diagnostician – I mean, even I have read parts of the textbook you wrote – and that’s pretty cool, sure. But what are the other things you are good at? Can you dance? Sing? Swim? Can you offer more than just your abilities to diagnose everyone?”

“There’s no ‘just’ in his abilities to diagnose,” Chiara barked at him, the need to protect Ethan stronger than anything else. She couldn’t let them scare him. She knew better then them about his habit of running away when things get too hard or too uncomfortable and right now, the amount of ‘uncomfortable’ in the room was enough even for her to run away.

“Unfortunately, I don’t have too much time to do anything big other than being doctor, the free time is precious commodity for me. Answering your suggestions, I can dance, yes. Singing? Probably not, but I have never had a chance to hear anyone’s opinion as I don’t sing in front people. And yes, I can swim too. Other than that, I like to think that I am rather good cook-“

“Oh, you cook?” Elijah interrupted him. “For how many people do you usually cook?”

“Just myself, usually,” Ethan shrugged, confusion clear on his face. On the other hand, Chiara knew very well where Elijah was heading and despite being terribly angry at them, she had to grin. “Sometimes for two people, when someone comes over for dinner.”

“Do you think you would could cook for, let’s say, eight people?”

“I think I would be capable of doing that, yes.”

“Great! You are welcome to crash in anytime you want and cook anything you would like to for us. I am so tired of living on ramen and plain pasta,” Elijah sighed and at that, everyone let out a short laugh. “However, sorry to disturb you. What else besides cooking?”

“I don’t know. I am good at learning languages, I guess. I speak German, Italian, French, Spanish and at the moment am learning Swedish.”

“Holy crap, that’s a lot of languages,” Kyra whistled under her breath.

“I choose wisely on what I spend my free time on and what occupies my mind. But when I choose something – learning a language, learning a new recipe, dating someone – I make it my priority and I am trying to give my everything into it. I once said to Chiara that I make it my mission to be good at everything I try and so I can assure you that I am willing to try my hardest to be a boyfriend Chiara deserves,” he answered nonchalantly, looking right into Bryce’s eyes at the word boyfriend.

He smiled at Chiara and kissed her temple, while Sienna whispered something like ‘that was so beautiful’ at the same time Jackie muttered ‘that was so sweet I might get cavities’.

“You are doing better than we expected, Dr. Ramsey,” Kyra smiled with devilish spark in her eyes. “But now it’s my turn to ask questions. You made sure to let us know that you, indeed, are capable of bunch of things but there also must be something you cannot do. Something you are seriously absolutely terrible at.”

Chiara couldn’t help it – she was beginning to enjoy this little show. It has probably everything to do with the fact that Ethan was handling the situation so well and wasn’t showing any signs of an escape.

“There is one thing that comes to my mind but Chiara already knows about it.”

“Oooh, so it’s a matter of an… intimate nature? You don’t have to share that, of course.”

Ethan choked on the sip of a wine he was just having and his eyes widened at the obvious misinterpretation of his words. The tips of his ears turned bright red and Chiara – more and more relaxed every minute – had to add her friends that have been viciously laughing at the sight.

“No! Jesus Christ that’s absolutely not what I was saying. I just thought it wouldn’t be important to share as Chiara already knows about it and still decided to give me a chance. But if you must know, I am seriously absolutely terrible at making… pancakes. I never get them right. That’s why I am so impressed by whomever made these,” he gestured at the table, where the rest of pancakes laid.

“I can teach you!” Sienna squealed. “It’s seriously so easy once you get it.”

“I am afraid it will not work, Dr. Trinh. My father tried to teach me, Youtube tutorial tried to teach me and still, my every attempt fails.”

“Please,” Aurora stepped into the conversation. “If she could teach me, she can definitely teach you. Next brunch, you are learning with her and I will be watching,” she grinned.

Aurora was nervous about this brunch. She was excited for Chiara and she was even more excited to enjoy a little bit of fun by teasing Ramsey, but even more she was terrified of what it would feel like to talk to him about anything else but work, knowing that he dated her aunt for six years.

Harper has made it clear, several times, that her time with Ethan has been more about physical attraction and supporting each other’s careers than affection, just as she admitted to Aurora that she knows Ethan Ramsey and she has known that his relationship with Chiara wasn’t simply professional for a long time. When Aurora asked her about her opinion on the new couple, Harper simply smirked and said that she was happy Ethan found someone who could tame his stubbornness.

Knowing that neither Harper nor Ethan felt any kind of hatred, jealousy or anger towards each other, she felt more relaxed about him coming as her friend’s partner. Yet, until this moment, when she teased him herself, about something as mundane as pancakes, she couldn’t get rid of a certain tension in her body.

But now, laughing at his expression as she suggested that he should learn to make pancakes with Sienna, she knew – even without any further investigation – that Ethan was a good man for Chiara.

“Okay, so you can’t make pancakes. Bruh,” Kyra rolled her eyes. “What else? You can’t be good at everything.”

“I am also rather terrible at drawing. Every time I am with a child patient with a broken leg or arm, I just hope they don’t ask me to draw something on their cast. For so many years I refused to draw anything and when they insisted, I tried to draw what they asked me to draw and they were so disappointed. Some of them even cried, that’s how ugly those drawing were,” he chuckled to himself, deep in his own thoughts and memories. “I decided to step it up a little bit a few years ago and after many, many Youtube tutorials, I can now draw a decent cat, dog, princess, car and dragon. So now, there are five different pens in the pocket of my coat and every time a child asks me to draw something on their cast, I pull the pens out and say ‘Okay little buddy, I have a red pen that can draw a nice car. I have a pink one that can draw a princess. I have a blue one for a dog and an orange one, which can draw a cat. And at last I have a green one and that one can draw an impressive dragon. You have to choose one of the pens’. Usually, that does the trick and for the last three years, nobody cried after I finished the drawing.”

He finished with a small laugh and looked around the table, only to find Bryce, Jackie and Elijah grinning, Aurora smiling softly, Sienna wiping her tears with a napkin and Chiara staring right back at him, her eyes filled with so much affection it warmed his heart.

“I wanted to hear something embarrassing and you proved that you are even better man than we expected. That’s not fair, Dr. Ramsey.”

“I think it’s okay for all of you to call me Ethan at this point,” he replied, ignoring Kyra’s compliment. He didn’t want to blush. “I probably won’t even be your attending much longer.”

There was a slight shift in the mood as the weight of his word settled down on them. Edenbrook was doomed and they all knew that the damage was beyond repair at this point, but right now, they didn’t want to talk about that.

Therefore Jackie decided to step in and turned to Ethan: “Okay, Ethan. I know you said you don’t have spare free time, but when you do and you decide not to learn anything, when you just want to relax, if you know what that word means, what do you do? How do you relax?”

“I have a dog which needs to be walked twice a day. I take him with me when I go for my morning run and then I walk with him through the park every evening I can. It makes an hour in my day, but it’s a relaxing hour. When I decide to relax at home, I usually read a book. Historical novels and poetry, mostly.”

Jackie wanted so badly to find something in his answer that she could tease him about, but really, there was nothing. This man was both, pretty impressing and pretty boring.

“You are a successful, famous, rich doctor,” Sienna smiled at him. “So, cards on the table now. What is your weakness? You know, those vices that successful, rich people have? What is it that you can’t resist? Beautiful women? Fast cars? Yachts? Golfing? Watches that cost more than my kidney? Tell us.”

Chiara shook her head in amusement, not expecting that kind of question from Sienna, of all people. However, she was curious too. She knew it wouldn’t be yachts nor golfing, but what are his vices? And so she didn’t even try to salvage him from answering.

“Well, I think it’s pretty obvious that I have a weakness for one particular beautiful woman,” he answered without missing a beat, pulling Chiara closer to him. “Other than that, I don’t think something will come to my mind. Yachts and golf, Christ no. I despise those activities. Fast cars? There might be something about that. I have a dream car, Mercedes C 300. I almost bought it, but it’s sedan and it’s too small for me. There was no space for my legs and getting in and out would be a torture. As my father like to say, I am too tall for my dream car. But I like the one I have now, it’s a reliable car,” he shrugged, not knowing what else to say. Yes, his car was incredibly expensive and probably luxurious, but he bought it because it was elegant and reliable and didn’t attract too much attention.

“If I would have to choose a vice of mine, it would probably be whiskey in the end. Sometimes I surprise myself with how much money I am willing to pay for a good bottle of whiskey.”

“Okay, you are a decent guy with a brain of Tesla and almost as little bad attributes as me,” Bryce sighed dramatically. “Do you at least snore?”

“Okay Bryce, now you are just nosy,” Aurora laughed. “You don’t need to know that.”

“I don’t, but Chiara does! She is going to spend nights with him!”

“I already know that, Bryce,” Chiara rolled her eyes. “He doesn’t.”

Ethan lowered himself so that nobody else but Chiara could hear him and whispered: “But you do.”

She turned to him with her eyebrows raised, the silent question visible on her face.

Are you serious, Ramsey?

“Okay, I guess we should let you go for now. Next time, I’ll be asking about your teenage years, med school parties you attended, if you ever got arrested and the sex positions you prefer,” Bryce grinned, putting his hands behind his head as he leaned into the chair.

“I am not going to discuss the last one with you.”

“So you just agreed to discuss the other topics!”

“No.”

Bryce pouted at him and disappointed, added: “Okay, I won’t bring a marriage and kids up, either. I will probably leave those for Diana.”

“Diana?!” Chiara sang out. “Since when are you on first name terms with my mother, Lahela?”

“It just happened,” Bryce shrugged carelessly, finishing his glass of wine. “I told you the women can’t resist my charm. She is no exception.”

Chiara wanted to make a remark about not needing to know about the charm Bryce used on her mother, but stopped herself when she noticed how Bryce’s face was slightly pink and he still held the empty glass near his lips to hide the fact.

She knew what it was all about. Bryce Lahela was her best friend and knew all about her secrets and problems and also everything about her past. And she knew about his.

When she decided to spend her two free weeks in the summer after her intern year back home, in San Francisco, she invited Bryce to go with her. He agreed gladly and while their fourteen days in Chiara’s house, he became incredibly close with both, her mother and her younger sister Alicia.

For Bryce, Diana Ray was a mother he never had. They called each other at least once a week, he would send her postcards from all of his trips and she would send him presents for Christmas and birthday in return.

For Diana, Bryce Lahela was a son she lost six years ago. Chiara’s brother Liam, along with her father died in a car crash and being with Bryce felt like being with her brother again. And she knew that her mum felt the same way. After all those years, she had a ‘young handsome man’ to call, to care for, to be proud of again.

A pang of guilt found its way into Chiara’s chest as she realized that this whole brunch idea was Bryce’s idea and that it might have been an opportunity to roast Ethan for others, but for Bryce, it was exactly what he said it was. It was making sure that his little sister would be taken care of with the man she chose.

It was making sure that this time, Ramsey wouldn’t break her heart and leave.

‘We need to make sure that your intentions with Chiara are absolutely pure.’

He meant it.

taglist: @takemyopenheart @maurine07 @senseofduties @mercury84choices @flightlessbirdiee @udishaman @honeyandsunfl0wers​ @ohchoices​ @adrex04

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

yknow while this hellsite continues on the whole religion discussion thing, i’d like to jump in on it with my experience particularly with leaving catholic school.

like aside from my angsty pop-punk/emo etc teen phase (which’ll obvs be weaved into story later on) that led me to have different views from the church and aside from the whole sexism thing that i endured over my year 10 formal/junior prom in 2010 and 2011 from staff there….. i found it within myself incredibly hard to leave there… mostly because i’d known literally 1/3 of my year group at catholic school since kindy/kindergarten or some other point in primary school.

this affected my choice to leave and it was quite tumultuous inwardly. knowing the safety and predictably of the people i was with for all those years was a comfort to me. i knew their parents due to parent mixer bbqs that we’d have after mother’s day and father’s day liturgies- although i hated the mother’s day ones mostly, due to personal reasons. but to leave that comfortable place for overly loyal, kinda sorta shy (although everyone who knew me at that school wouldn’t’ve described me as shy bc i was a very loud show off because of drama class 😅) and by year 10, very lonely, highly socially anxious and depressed, teen me was terrifying. it meant losing her friends and stability and she obvs hated that thought. it meant leaving the one one place she ever felt good at something, drama class.

obviously, after she did leave for public school, she visited the catholic school on a few separate occasions, to try and keep the connection “alive” or whatever the fuck she wrote in a fake deep status on her fb (that i now get in my fb memories every year lmao). but it all ended pretty badly, when everyone from that school stopped talking to her once high school finished. no one invited her out. or if people did try to invite her out, like a couple of people did, it always fell through…. and it made her feel like she was just a bad luck charm or whatever other low self esteem talk she was telling herself. there was quite a few moody statuses around that too lmao.

but yeah. leaving catholic school was a massive thing for me back then, because even though i hadn’t gone to church on sunday for literal Y E A R S at that point; i still had a strong pull to that school because i’d known SO MANY kids at that school from primary/elementary/grade etc school, regardless of their year group level. because if there’s one thing catholic school was good at, it was networking 😂. you knew everyone, and everyone knew you. it was safe, it was sound, so i didn’t want to leave.

but once you leave, you lose your friends and what almost felt like an extended family (although they obvs weren’t). but at the same time, i’d grown to hate the safety and almost insularity of the school, because as i mentioned earlier, you felt like you could predict how people would react or behave in class/events etc.

i felt the above distinctly, because as i’ve mentioned plenty on here, from years 7-10 i was a very emotionally demonstrative kid. in some classes (mostly religion and PE when i was bothered to participate) i’d end up in shouting matches with the teacher or other students…. or y’know just have a casual meltdown in the middle of class, which many people saw as “attention seeking” behaviour. i felt watched, i felt ready to snap, and to quote the ever present All Time Low i felt like the bridge lyrics from “therapy” (which was/is quite obviously somewhat partially about the price of fame and hollywood imo- but that went over teen me’s head at the time lmao):

“arrogant boy, love yourself so no one has to, they’re better off without you (better off without you). arrogant boy, cause a scene like you’re supposed to, they’ll fall asleep without you; you’re lucky if your memory remains”

like yes. i’ll admit those bridge lyrics being applied to this time is rather overdramatic, in hindsight, but hey. that was teen me for ya lmao. and don’t even get me started on applying ATL’s song “sick little games” to this at the time as well 😂😅. anyway. from all the “lms and i’ll tell you what i like about you” trend statuses that people were doing back then on fb, i’d gained the tag of “cool/chill girl”, my crush rich boy, once called me “outrageous” because of how loud i was and how willing in years 7-9 to scream out stupid song lyrics like “i want to fuck dog in the ass” by blink 182, fight song by marilyn manson and then idek probably my humps by black eyed peas at the top my lungs through the very few halls that that school had 😂😅. i was being purposely and annoyingly offensive most of the time.

but eventually, once it came to things like one of the girls in my group wanting to run for vice school captain and the other girls in my group A L W A Y S being given leadership positions (LPs)….. while i always had to apparently “repent” my behaviour by being made (in theory from my teachers) to sit alone at lunch because of my “embarrassing” and “unseemly” behaviour at the so-called “training”/ “retreat” days we had for things like being peer support leaders for the new cohort of year 7s etc etc. i felt like everyone was just waiting for me to leave…. and that they couldn’t stand my “embarrassing” presence and that i’d ruin my friends chances of being selected as co-captain or whatever other bullshit LPs they wanted to run for. but still. i felt like i couldn’t leave. just. how do you leave a bunch of people that you’ve known for so long???

and even when my teachers were nice enough to give me a chance in a leadership position once; in that dastardly bullshit internet safety workshop thing that they should’ve literally just hired a professional workshop co. to do….. but to save money they used students in my year group instead. so, instead of being marked by my teachers on this program; i was marked by the catholic education office. they had a lady come in from the ceo to judge/mark us while presenting…… and this lady went off at teen me for “not being professional, responsible and respectful” or whatever the fuck the woman told 15/16yo me…. which teen me then fired back with “i don’t have to be fucking professional and responsible!!!! IM FUCKING 15!!!!”.. so from then on i was never given an LP or any other type of “peer support” role against my friends who were littered with offers for them. mind you, i did call a whole room of 14 year olds “a bunch of cunts” or the like and then stormed out thinking that i’d made a solid point, so the CEO woman had a good reason 😂😅….. again in hindsight.

of course there was also the bitterness of teen me being angry at the english dept for not giving her a spot in the top class of english in her half of the year. but as i’ve said previously on other posts, i’ve forgiven this because i did essentially fail one shakespeare in class assessment in year 8 or year 9 😂. but i strongly felt this during my time at catholic school bc my friends believed that i should’ve been in the top english class too lmao.

but aside from those troubles and foibles, i still found it incredibly hard to leave. to leave the perceived closeness of that group of girls, who would sometimes walk me down to the office and sit with me in “purple room” while i waited for the teacher that had to act as my therapist almost lmao. even though i always told my friends to leave me be and go back to class bc i felt bad about dragging them out of class for so long.

but yeah. with all the above behaviour, the song lyrics to me at the time made sense bc teen me just felt so pressured to fit into the whole “funny, cool, outrageous girl” bs box that people had put her in…. but at the same time she wanted to escape it bc she was just *flyleaf voice* SO SICK of being laughed at instead of laughed with (atl weightless reference here kids) just because… like she DESERVED to be taken seriously for fucks sake, and not a be a “monkey do funny dance” person… she obvs felt this the most in drama class. where in the shakespeare unit, she picked a medley of romeo and juliet and taming of the shrew monologues to do for her monologue. although she nearly did lady macbeth throwing herself off the tower, to be hella edgy…. but she opted not to do that in the end. but she picked serious pieces bc she was sick and tired of being classed as the one trick pony go-to funny person.

okay. this really went off topic. but y’all get the point??? the decision of leaving catholic school was a hell of a ride for little 14-16yo me. it was confusing, terrifying and tied up in years of being overly judged and feeling like people wanted me to leave bc they were sick of me. it was tied up in years of mid-class meltdowns that had become kind of routine for me to have, and that people were just brushing me off as “attention seeking”…. but also ironically waiting for me to snap at any second for another wild shouting match or walkout; which would then make me look like i was “unruly” or “untameable/unmanageable” or whatever the fuck….. but i couldn’t take that anymore, for the final senior years. i HAD to leave it.

again it was hard to leave for loyal little teen me, despite how lonely and isolated she felt. why leave your friends when you’re comfortable??? but also: why stay in this toxic environment where people are just waiting for you to either shut the fuck up and put up with it or just blow up and absolutely lose your shit??? that’s just unhealthy asf. and the only unruly thing that’s happening here is the complete lack of mental health help or management in the aussie education system; but most especially in religious schools.

[himikiyo]

in saecula saeculorum // himikiyo week day 3

Himikiyo Week Day 3: Vice + Virtue

"If you’re so against the idea of people getting hurt, you should have thought twice before summoning a demon."

Read on AO3, DRA, or under the cut.

Demons did not exist in the modern world. That was common sense, accepted by nearly everyone save fringe conspiracy theorists and fanatics of all types. Those who would believe in something so patently unscientific, so laughable, would be deemed worthy of ridicule themselves. There was no use for the supernatural when humans had triumphed over the natural world itself.

That was the party line, anyway. It was taught to children in schools, passed on in social interactions and media. Even those curious enough to seek out old tomes and uncover the stories within were motivated to dismiss them as legends. Stories of such things were fascinating, but they were from a less educated time. When people didn’t understand the world around them, they were motivated to devise stories of evil beings to explain their misfortunes.

None of it was real. Humanity’s biggest danger was itself.

Locked in a dusty church basement, one girl felt differently.

“Angie hopes you find the answers you seek, Himiko-chan! Remember though, Kami-sama might just smite you down if you aren’t careful! Even as powerful as he is, he doesn’t take threats lightly.” Setting down a small stack of books and clapping her hands together to brush off the dust, Angie took a step back towards the door. “Oh, and lock up when you’re done, okay? Technically Angie isn’t supposed to leave anyone alone here.”

“Yeah, got it. I’ll be sure to take care of everything.”

“In that case, good night!”

Just like that, she was gone. Himiko stayed where she was and waited until the patter of Angie’s footsteps faded out entirely, leaving only silence behind. It was a little creepy alone in a church at night, she had to admit. Best friend or not, Angie’s religious devotion was unnerving even in the daylight. Himiko was more interested in other aspects of the arcane. Things that wouldn’t be taken so lightly if discovered. For the experiments she wanted to perform, the church basement was safer than her apartment in more ways than one.

Summoning a demon was risky at best.

She already had the proper page marked. The candles were lit. The offerings were nearly ready. The demon — whose name in the book was an illegible scrawl, written in a language Himiko had never seen before — would appear or they wouldn’t. Her years of study had convinced her that these creatures were out there, lurking beyond the boundaries of normal human perception, but if she was wrong, this would be the time for that to be proven too.

Her hand trembled as she flicked the light switch off, plunging the room into dim candlelight.

The shakiness made it more difficult to draw blood, scarlet droplets scattering onto the page she was reading from as much as into the bowl they were meant for.

This was an academic experiment, yes, but it was a deeper part of her that would be devastated if it failed. A part of her that thought someone non-human might provide the kind of companionship and understanding she’d always lacked. Angie was sweet, but she couldn’t honestly say they saw eye to eye.

She carried on with the ritual, occasionally glancing around the darkened room to look for any changes. Nothing.

“Maybe...this isn’t going to work,” Himiko said softly to herself, gaze dropping to her own bloodied arm. “Maybe everyone’s right. If demons exist, we don’t really know how to summon them. Not anymore. They aren’t coming.”

Visually, not a single thing changed after she said that. She was alone. From the emptiness, though, an unknown voice made itself heard.

“Not coming? But I am already here. You humans really are blind.” A whispery chuckle followed those words, seeming to come from everywhere and nowhere at once.

“What? Who said that?” She turned, fumbling for the lights.

“Yumeno Himiko, I have answered your call. It’s been many years since a mortal last pulled me from the depths, but I am, as always, delighted to serve.” Though the voice was disembodied, not providing any visual clues to help her, she could clearly imagine an evil, toothy grin, like a monster waiting for its prey.

Ignoring the stinging pain still shooting up her arm from the ceremonial cut, she finally slammed her hand against the light switch, bathing the room in brightness. The sudden change made her eyes water, but even before she adjusted, she could tell it did nothing to illuminate her new companion’s location.

“Further introductions are in order, aren’t they?” the voice continued. “Demons’ true names tend to be a struggle for such limited creatures to pronounce, so I took the liberty of selecting a human name for myself a few centuries ago. I am Shinguuji Korekiyo.”

Taking a few steps over to the counter, Himiko grabbed the bandage she’d prepared and pressed it to her arm.

“Um, that’s nice, but...would you mind being...visible, Shinguuji-sama?” she asked meekly, being as polite and deferental as she possibly could. It was beginning to occur to her that she might be in over her head.

“Ah. Yes.” Just like that, she was suddenly aware of a presence behind her. Before she could turn to look, she could feel something brushing against the back of her neck. Someone’s nails? They felt sharper than that though, more like claws. A shiver running down her spine, Himiko tensed, feeling unnaturally warm fingertips graze along her pulse point. The heat wasn’t only coming from their hand though. It seemed to radiate from their entire body, like she was standing in front of a fire. Like if she leaned just a little closer, it might devour her.

After a moment, the hand retreated. She turned, and in the half second it took, they were no longer right behind her. Instead, she saw a figure leaning almost lazily against the opposite wall. For the most part, they appeared human. Lanky and incredibly tall, the way they held themself betrayed strength far beyond what their build might suggest. The mask covering most of their face made it impossible to know whether the smile she imagined was truly present, but the sparkle in their eyes suggested it might well be.

“Thank...you...” she croaked, not wanting to say anything that might make this demon — because yes, it was abundantly clear they were one, appearances aside — upset with her.

“Humans can be broken so easily,” Shinguuji mused. “Both physically and mentally. I’d almost forgotten how entertaining it is. Now, tell me, what is it you summoned me for?”

“To prove I could, I guess. That was part of it, anyway. And to learn from you. Studying magic on my own isn’t the same as having a master. And the third reason, I guess, is just...companionship.” Arm nicely wrapped now, she had no excuse to look anywhere but at them, though her face was burning with embarrassment.

“Study? Well, perhaps you’re smarter than you seem choosing me then. I’m partial to research myself. I do hope we can have some fun outside the classroom too, however.” Himiko knew without a doubt then, mask or not. They were definitely grinning, almost leering.

“What kind of fun do you mean?”

Moving closer again, they replied, “Shall we kill together? There must be people you want gone, yes? I can make quick work of them.”

That sent a chill down her spine, canceling out the pleasant remnants of warmth almost immediately. She was no idiot, of course. She understood that demons were violent by nature. But she didn’t call them for anything like that. They...couldn’t insist that she help them get that kind of ‘fun,’ could they?

“What? No. I don’t want to hurt anyone,” she said, pretending she couldn’t hear her own voice shaking. “Sure, there’s people I don’t get along with, but killing? And...besides, should you really be saying things like that in a church?” Himiko didn’t believe, especially not in Angie’s god, but it seemed as good an excuse as any.

“I don’t fear gods,” Shinguuji said dismissively. “They have no power over me. If you’re so against the idea of people getting hurt, you should have thought twice before summoning a demon. My kind isn’t meant to linger in the mortal world for long without reason, and it’s been so many years since I was last given a chance to...sate my appetite.”

“No, we can’t,” she repeated. She could hear the glee in their voice, like they were enjoying not only the prospect of murder, but the experience of winding her up over it. She was probably giving them exactly what they wanted, but she couldn’t help it.

“Well, if you’re so steadfast in your beliefs...I could always kill you instead, yes? We signed no formal contract. I’m under no obligation to keep you safe.”

In that moment, she was acutely aware of everything around her. The occasional flicker and buzz of the fluorescent lights, the musty basement smell of the air, and more than anything, the imposing presence across from her. If they really wanted to kill her, there would be nothing stopping them. But they were just watching her — beautiful, dangerous, and all too satisfied with themself.

Shinguuji laughed, closing the remaining distance between them. A hand cupped her chin, gently guiding her to meet their eyes. They were a brighter, more intense amber than she’d ever seen in a human being.

“Flattering me to keep yourself alive? Well well, that’s one way to go about it. I’m pleased to hear that you find me so beautiful.”

“I didn’t say that!” Their grip, if it could even be called that, was exceedingly light. It wouldn’t be remotely difficult to pull away and avert her eyes, but she didn’t. She was captivated.

“You didn’t need to. You thought about it. So then, what will it be? I have no real need to kill you, not when I can gain energy from you in other ways. And you’re so entertaining besides. If you’d simply allow me to possess you, you would have access to power beyond your wildest dreams.”

“And what’s the catch? There’s no way something that lets you...feed on my energy doesn’t have any negatives.” She chose not to comment on just how close they were now. The warmth of a lithe, not quite human body pressed against her own was oddly comforting.

“There is no catch. However, if it would make you feel better, I’d be willing to write up a formal contract.”

“I’ll look at it then,” she said grudgingly, one of her own arms starting to slip around them in return. “But before that, no weird possession or mind control or anything. And no murder.”

“Mm, I’ll make you fall in love with it yet. Perhaps when we seal our contract with a kiss?”

“We don’t need to do that.”

Shinguuji laughed, once again backing off from the overly intimate invasion of her personal space. “Indeed we don’t. But don’t let it be said that I didn’t offer.”

“Let’s just go home for now. People won’t notice that you’re not human, will they?” Maybe, just maybe, she’d end up taking them up on it.

[cordonian-literature]

wip wednesday :)

hi y’all so i wasn’t tagged (whoops broke the rules) and it’s still kinda early in the day but i wanted to make this post because i’ve been working on a few other fics and wanted to share :)

i’ve been finishing up Aftermath - the reason it’s taking me so long to post chapters is because i initially had a very sad ending planned. i weeped when i was rereading it because i’ve gotten emotionally attached to the characters (what a surprise) and am now rewriting a happier ending. i think there’s like... 3 chapters left (don’t quote me on that, i’m a mess and it could change, but its unlikely).

there’s also two other fic ideas that i had. the first one kinda throws canon out the window - but there are still some elements, like Bertrand and Savannah’s relationship (though it’s extremely altered), the assassination with Olivia’s parents, Godfrey & Barthelemy’s treason... it’s just changed, like Queen Eleanor’s story is different, Leo doesn’t abdicate, Liam and Drake never really became best friends, and MC (Klara/Claire Brooks) leads a double life, keeping both men (and families) away from each other

the second one throws TRH 3 in the trash (even though it already is kinda trash, haha). this would take place during the last chapter of TRH 2 and throw the whole vote stuff out the window - because the farther we go with that, the less it makes sense. basically, Auvernal kidnaps the heir, Barthelemy is involved in it, and Liam and MC (i’m keeping her as Riley Brooks for this one) along with the gang do everything they can to get her back (obviously why wouldn’t they). i thought it would be interesting putting a part of it in the heir’s point of view, since those were kinda funny in some of the recent chapters. nothing too dark or serious (i mean yeah the heir getting kidnapped is serious, but you know what i mean. besides that, there are no major trigger warnings)

both these fics will most likely flop, but i had fun with these ideas and wanted to share

so here we go

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The Aftermath - Chapter 32

When Bastien enters, his eyes widen as they rest on Boris. He gives Olivia a look.

“Drake,” she tells him, hoping that would be enough of an answer. Bastien frowns. Olivia didn’t know why Drake had done this either. The fool hadn’t given her any information as to what this man had done. Where was she even supposed to start?

Now she was really wishing she had called Jacob to give her a background check.

“So,” she begins, pacing in front of Boris. Bastien was at full attention, closely watching both of them. “What happened between you and Drake?”

Boris spits blood to the opposite side of the room. It drips down the wall. “Call the bastard in here. Tell him to explain.” His accent is thick and his voice is tried.

I probably should, she thinks to herself.

Bastien gives Olivia another look. She nods at him.

“Let us shift the conversation,” Bastien begins. “Can I ask how long you’ve known Lady Riley or her late husband?”

“How is that important?” Boris questions.

“Just curious.” Bastien’s voice remains level.

Boris sighs, then leans back in his chair, staring up at the ceiling. “Potter. I met him in college. He introduced me to Riley-”

“I’m sorry,” Bastien interrupts him. “Who is ‘Potter’?”

“The lovely Theodore Blaise.” Boris lets out a rueful chuckle. “You have not seen him in person? The idiot looks like Harry Potter. Stupid glasses, stupid hair.”

“Alright,” Bastien stops him again. “Continue. When did he introduce you to Riley?”

“New York. That one year. I was visiting before I had to go to... Switzerland? Sweden? One of the two. It was lifetime ago. Can’t remember everything.” He pauses to look around the room. “She was... with your King. We saw her in the park. Theo wanted to see her. We waited for the king to leave her before he went up to her hotel.”

Olivia knew that he was talking about the last night Riley had been with the court. But Boris was drawing out the conversation. She didn’t like how slow Bastien was approaching this. Olivia wanted to draw a knife — she had a new one she was itching to use — and force the answers out of him.

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Until the End - Prologue

A/N: also i made a thing for this series. it’s not a moodboard. idk what its called. like a banner or whatever? i felt creative and made it. i’ll probably end up making a moodboard too. there are three parts of the series, each part has seven/eight chapters. anyway this looks kinda wack i might not even use it

As we near the stairs, Olivia Nevrakis chases after Maxwell Beaumont, who tumbles down the steps.

“Why are you running?!” Olivia cries after the boy, a long object in her hand.

“Because you have a stick!” he cries after almost tripping over his short, chubby legs.

“What am I gonna do, hit you with it?”

“YES?!” Maxwell screams, a confused and fearful tone in his voice.

As the two reach the bottom of the stairs, Liam emerges from another corridor, laughing after his friends. His hair is a whorl on his head, and his cheeks are flushed pink.

“Hello, Mother!” he says. My son hugs my waist, then reaches to hug his father, but Constantine has already walked on.

I take the boy’s hand and we follow after the King. Near the entrance of the palace stands a man in guard’s uniform, a woman in a denim dress, and two small children.

“Eleanor, Liam,” Constantine begins. “I would like for you two to be introduced to a new member of our security team. Jackson Walker, his wife Bianca, and their children, Drake and Savannah.”

“A pleasure, Your Majesties,” Jackson says as he and his wife bow respectfully. The little girl blinks up at me while Drake looks between Liam and I.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Liam!” My son holds out his hand to Drake.

Constantine audibly coughs. Liam’s hand falls to his side, and his smile falls as well. I knew that the differences in status would not allow Liam to interact with the boy so improperly, but they are just children. I didn’t think there was a reason for such excessive formality.

Bianca slightly nudges her son. In a monotone voice, Drake greets, “Nice to meet you, Prince Liam.”

Liam’s expression lifts. I send a smile in Bianca’s direction, and she hesitantly returns it. Jackson holds eye contact with me a moment longer, a wide grin stretching his face.

Constantine grabs our attention again. “Jackson, you will be primarily working on my wife’s security team. Now if you’ll excuse us, we are expected at dinner. My head of security, Bastien, will lead you through the rest of your orientation. After dinner, you’ll be able to speak to my wife and receive any orders she has for you.”

“Yes, Sire,” Jackson bows his head again, and Constantine leads us away.

Godfrey and his family, along with the Beaumonts, Olivia, and Leo are already seated. They all stand quickly as Constantine comes into the room, giving polite bows.  

The moment we sit, there’s a flurry of activity as the servants set our plates in front of us. Adelaide sips on her wine absently. Annabelle fusses over Maxwell, who has cookie crumbs on his fingers and face. Madeleine attempts to get Leo’s attention, but he laughs with Bertrand, the boys giving each other impish smiles. Olivia converses with Liam, taking on a gentle demeanor compared to how she behaved with Maxwell.

“Hostilities between Monterisso and Auvernal are increasing by the day,” I hear Godfrey mention to Constantine.

“The whole of Europe expects them to break out in war,” Barthelemy adds.

“Monterissian and Auvernese citizens anticipate some sort of peace treaty,” Godfrey continues. The men speak as if they are one unit, with one mind. “But other nations have already begun taking sides.”

“The King of Hidar is siding with Monterisso.” Barthelemy motions for a servant to bring him more wine. “But there are rumors that he is only doing so after receiving threats.”

“Most nations are waiting for Cordonia and Monaco for their decisions for who to ally with.”

When Barthelemy and Godfrey finish filling Constantine’s ears, they return to the food on their plates, staring down as if nothing else in the world concerned them. Constantine chews slowly, visibly considering their words.

“Monterisso has always kept a neutral face when it comes to Cordonian issues,” the King mentions. “They have never asked or hinted towards alliance. They are not many nations who ally with them at all.”

“So you must admit,” Barthelemy finishes chewing, “that allying with them instead of Auvernal makes a bad impression—”

“—and reduces the chance of alliances with other nations,” Godfrey finishes with him.

“How so?” I speak up. The three men turn their heads to look at me. No one else at the table pays attention to the conversation, but as their eyes burn in my direction — aggressive looks from the Dukes, while my husband raises an eyebrow at me — I want to take back my words.

But I do no such thing. After more than seven years of marriage, I had become accustomed to Godfrey and Barthelmey shutting down the advice I gave to my husband. This instance is no different.

✦✧✦✧✦

The Lion and the Heir - short series - Prologue

A/N: just as a heads up, i laughed while writing this. like i wrote this just for a good laugh and wanted to share. my friend sent me a writing prompt about a kid’s wild imagination and she thought it was funny and sent it to me (i sent her this same passage and we both laughed our heads off reading parts of it) so what i’m trying to say is that thinking this is terrible and cringe-worthy is understandable - i cringed at this myself and am very scared to post this lol, and might not even continue it. yes i made a moodboard thing. yes i laughed while making it. goodbye.

"Is everything well, Mommy?" I ask. Instead of answering me, again she attempts to silence me! I repeat my question, but this time the man tells me to silent myself.

Did they not know who they were speaking to? Perhaps I was interrupting something. Was there a lesson to be learned somewhere in this? I wish that Daddy were present at this meeting. Though most of his explanations were gibberish, he would at least attempt to make me understand.

The man walks towards me. He reaches his hands out to carry me, but I do not know this man! And he was quite stinky! I do not like him. I smack his hands away, and he takes a step back.

"With all due respect," I try to explain to him, "please introduce yourself before any forward actions. They are most unwelcoming. Your Princess does not appreciate this behavior."

He turns to my suspicious mother and says something in gibberish. I frown, for the language barrier does not mean that my subjects may disobey my wishes in such a manner!

Suspicious Mommy takes off the shield that was over her eyes. I find that it is NOT Mommy! Though they look similar, their differences are too contrasting. This woman's eyes were a tad sharper. She was too aware of me, and did not seem comfortable in my presence.

"Shhh sh shhh," she goes again, trying to pick me up, but I allow my short legs to fall from under me. My behind hits the mattress, and I feel my friend, General Lion, against my hand.

"Is everything well, Your Highness?" my trusty General says to me. "Is there anything I can do to be of service?"

"Dismiss this woman from my presence!" I command him.

"But... but that is Mommy!" he cries.

This woman was good in her disguise. She had fooled my trusted advisor!

"Believe me, General, it is not!" I tell him. "She has fooled us!"

"And she is trying to take you away?" he observes.

"Yes!" I am suddenly aware of what is happening. The woman begins to reach for me. "Quick!" I say, panic swelling in my chest. I had to do something about this, but all my heart is telling me to do is cry! I have to take more serious measures than that! "What am I to do?"

"Uh... uh..." General Lion looks around the crib, before he reaches out to me. "Take a hold of my paw!"

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putting my Aftermath taglist because that’s the only one i have :) - y’all can see what’s happening in the next chapter & these other fics. if you’re interested in any (besides Aftermath) let me know! if you don’t interact or anything, i’ll leave you on the Aftermath taglist and won’t remove or add you anywhere :)

(also, people probably know this but just a gentle reminder, the only reason i don’t reply to comments is because this is a sideblog. i see them all though, so don’t worry. i just don’t want to confuse people by replying from my main blog or anything :) anyway let me stop trailing off)

@captain-kingliamsqueen​ @gkittylove99​ @lovablegranny​ @iam-the-kind-and-thoughtful​ @mom2000aggie​ @kingliam2019​ @queenrileyrose​ @shanzay44​ @cordonianroyalty​ @hopefulmoonobject​ @hopelessromanticmonie​ @twinkle-320​ @amandablink​ @texaskitten30​ @pens-girl-87​ @ladyangel70​ @sanchita012​ @cordonianprincess​ @cordonia-gothqueen​ @pink-diamond13​ @queenwalton​​ @yourmajesty09​ @alj4890​​ @choicesbutterfly​​​ 

^if anyone from this list wants to do the WIP Wednesday thing, feel free!!

[beanie-beebo-writes]

Call for Action

Chapter 6

You rolled over at around 2 AM for what seemed like the millionth time. Despite having no nightmares, you were plagued with hourly panic attacks that tore you from sleep. You didn’t even know what could have caused them; you had been doing so well since your last incident weeks ago. You felt so hopeless, and wondered if it was even worth the effort to sleep. Yet every time you tried to stay awake, your eyes drifted on their own accord. Without thinking too much of the consequences, you reached over and grabbed your phone and called Jensen. You were met with a series of grumbled responses. Before you knew it, he was at your door.

“Jensen, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking and didn’t know what else to do.” You said, half crying at your possible mistake.

“(Y/N), never be sorry for needing someone. C’mon, let’s lay down.” He said, putting an arm around you.

“Could we go on the couch for a bit instead? I kind of need to get away from my bed.” You asked.

“Sure.” Jensen said.

And there the two of you sat for several hours, until the sun broke across the horizon and the birds began to sing. You had both ended up falling asleep in what had looked like not the most comfortable positions, but it couldn’t compare to the restful sleep you had gotten. Your alarm in your bedroom woke you up around 5 AM, causing you to half stumble off the couch as you were intertwined between Jensen’s limbs. The small struggle caused Jensen to come around, waking up a little more when he saw you return from your room. You rubbed at your eyes and let out a large yawn.

“I know you’re gonna protest, but I think you should take the day off. You look like you could use it.” Jensen said, still on the couch.

“I don’t think I can afford that, Jensen. I just started working here.” You said.

“Well, maybe I could pull some strings for you. I could talk to Bob for you. I think he’d understand if I explained it to him briefly.” Jensen said.

“That’s the last thing I need is him knowing what I’m going through. He’ll probably let me go when he finds out.” You said, crossing your arms.

“Alright, I can spare the details. You just need a break, that’s all.” Jensen said. 

After some thinking, you realized he was right. The past few weeks had been rough on you. You were basically running nonstop, and it had finally caught up to you. And boy did you feel it.

“You don’t have to call Bob, I’ll do it myself.” You said. “You’re right, I’ve been running myself ragged. I just know as an adult, I have a responsibility to myself and my coworkers. I can’t afford to take time off etcetera etcetera.”

“That may be true but as Jared has told me, you can’t put an oxygen mask on everyone else if you don’t put one on yourself first.” Jensen said.

You sighed. “Damn, you guys are like Buddha.”

“It comes with experience, trust me.” He said.

After you called off for the day, you and Jensen spent the day watching whatever was on daytime TV, Netflix, and napping in between. If you could do this every once in a while, you wouldn’t complain. The refresher was nice and you even got some bonus time with Jensen. The two of you fit together like puzzle pieces; always comfortable around each others’ presence. It was something you hadn’t felt in a while with someone.

Around noon, Jared stopped by with some fresh lunch. You had been snoozing at the time so Jensen took it upon himself to answer the door for you. The two of them had been talking for a little bit before you finally woke up to the steaming aroma and the sound of talking.

“Remember when this was happening with you a long while back? It’s all I can think of.” You heard Jensen say.

“Yeah. She’ll pull through though, just like I did. I haven’t known her for that long, and I can already tell she’s one to reckon with.” Jared said.

You groggily opened your eyes and looked over to Jensen and Jared standing in your kitchen. The TV had still been playing quietly in the background, playing some infomercial on jewelry. You inhaled deeply and sat up, letting out a loud and satisfying stretch. Doing so caused the guys to look over. You clicked off the TV and stood up slowly, your joints cracking as you stiffened them.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Jared asked, still holding a large paper bag.

“Honestly? Like I could still use another nap.” You said humorlessly, still chuckling lightly.

“I bet. I brought you guys some food; figured you could use a nice hot meal.” Jared said while holding up the bag slightly.

“Thank you, maybe you could join us?” You asked, walking over to where he stood.

“Well, I didn’t bring enough for three.. But that’s okay, I just had lunch not long ago. Sure, why not?” He said.

He held the bag out for you to take, and you gladly accepted it. You set it on the counter and looked inside. Inside were two fancy grilled ham and cheese sandwiches, the ones held together with a toothpick and an olive. You smiled up at Jared, grateful to have found another good friend to confide in. Or at least, you hoped.

“Well Jensen, I say we dig in before it gets cold.” You said.

“Sounds like a plan to me.” Jensen said.

The three of you sat at your small kitchenette (Jared had to pull up an extra folding chair from whoever knows where you had it stashed), just happy to be in each other’s presence. You giggled as you observed Jared’s large stature cramped to the confines of the small-ish chair.

“Oh like you’ve never seen a giant man sit in a chair half his size before.” Jared snarked playfully.

“Actually no, I haven’t.” You said in between chuckles.

Jared smiled at you alongside Jensen. “It’s good to see you smile.” Jared said.

“I tend to agree.” Jensen said.

“Hard not to.” You said, mouth half-full of sandwich. “I don’t mean to intrude in any way, so let me know if I am. But earlier, I heard you guys talking about Jared going through something a while ago. So you’re telling me you both of you have gone through something similar?” 

“Yeah actually-” Jared said, sitting back into his chair. “-And you’re not overstepping at all, don’t worry. We wouldn’t have talked about it with you around if we thought it was something you didn’t need to know.”

“What he said.” Jensen said. “And yeah, Jared went through a bout of depression about five years ago. It happened when we were on set, actually. He has no shame on sharing it with others, but isn’t really ready to let everyone know about it just yet.”

“What got you through it?” You asked, intrigued.

“I know Jensen was talking about therapy before, and how it helped him. I know it’s going to sound like a broken record, but that majorly helped me get through it. That and a great support system.” Jared said.

“You two really are joined at the everything, jeez.” You said. “Jensen and I were actually just talking about therapy last week. I agreed to try it, but I’m just a little scared how it’s going to turn out.”

“It can be scary, especially since it’s new territory for you.” Jared said.

“So, what do you say it’s about time we schedule you for that therapist?” Jensen asked.

---------

One Month Later

You walked down a small hallway until you reached an ajar door that had the name "Mr. Roslin" on it, and knocked lightly. A man in his late forties was sitting at a small desk in a computer chair; he turned around and smiled.

"You must be (Y/N). Please, come in and take a seat." He said.

You walked into the decently sized room and sat on a padded chair several feet from the therapist. Mr. Roslin shuffled a few papers on his desk before turning back around with a notepad and pen in hand.

"So (Y/N), tell me more about why you're here today." He said.

"Well… My friend.. er date.. said I would benefit from seeing you." You said.

"And why would they think that?" He asked.

You sighed. "Well, lately I've been having these.. panic attacks. Quite a lot of them actually."

"Have you had them before?"

"Many times, yes. Just haven't had one out of nowhere in quite a while."

"Hm. I think I have just the thing for that."

Mr. Roslin turns around in his chair and pulls out a sticky note from his desk. On it, he scribbles a few notes before handing it to you. It read: "5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste."

"Have you heard of grounding exercises before?" He asked.

You shook your head and stayed silent so he would continue.

"Grounding techniques or exercises are coping skills that keep you in the present. Let's say for instance, your thoughts or a panic attack are keeping you from doing a task at work. These exercises help you stay in the moment instead of focusing on those pesky thoughts or feelings." He explained.

"Oh wow, those sound useful.. Thank you." You said.

"Mhm. They are only useful though if you practice. That'll be your homework after this session, until I see you next. He said.

"Sounds easy enough. Thank you Mr. Roslin." You said.

"Don't mention it. By the way, have you ever been formally diagnosed previously?" Mr. Roslin asked.

"No sir, this is actually my first ever appointment to see anyone like this. I assume I have anxiety, as my doctor long ago said I may have it. He was the one who gave me the breathing tips." You admitted.

"I see. Just for your information, I'd like to know if knowing your diagnoses would help you in any way, or would you feel they would set you back?" He inquired.

"I feel the diagnoses could help explain some things, so you can tell me." You said. 

"It's only your initial appointment but from what I can tell so far based on our phone conversation and now, you have both anxiety and possibly a smidge of depression. It isn't uncommon in the psychiatric world to have both. They tend to work together to make your life more miserable. The depression tends to be more of the negative thinking (at least in your case), while the anxiety of course is the panic/anxiety attacks." He explained.

"The anxiety I figured; the depression I never thought of though. Will it ever get better?" You asked.

"With a lot of effort and time, you will find it a lot easier to cope with what you have, so yes." He said.

"That's good to know. And for the panic attacks, do you think taking up a new career can enhance them?" You asked.

"Certainly. New environments and added stress are definitely a factor. They should fade after getting adjusted. But if they don't come talk to me and we'll hash it out together." He said.

"Thank you for that, it's very helpful to be in the know." You said.

"Always; knowledge can be very powerful. Is there anything else you would like to discuss today?" He asked.

"Yeah actually, there is. With my.. date. I'm not really sure where we stand. We're moving at quite a fast pace, and I'm scared something is going to go wrong or something. My life usually works that way, and I know our relationship so far isn't exactly normal." You said.

"Well, have you talked with them about it?" He asked.

You paused for a moment; you hadn't thought to ask Jensen about anything besides that one time. It seemed to be a logical thing to do.

"It is okay to communicate these things in a relationship. If anything, the relationship will be stronger if you communicate how you feel and what you expect." Mr. Roslin said.

"You're right. I just.. I don't know. Wouldn't it be awkward to talk about those things?" You asked.

"It's only awkward if you want it to be, remember that. You could always phrase it something like.. 'I wanted to talk about our relationship. Where are you and I right now? Are we still dating, or are we looking for something more?'. Most importantly, let them know how you feel. If you're afraid, let them know." He said.

"Okay, I'll try those things." You agreed.

"Perfect! Unless you have anything else to discuss with me I'll write you in for another two weeks from now.  Does that sound good?" He asked.

"That sounds great Mr. Roslin, thanks for everything today." You said.

"No problem, take care (Y/N)." He said.

You walked out of the office and made your way to the curb where Jensen had parked his truck. You hopped inside and exhaled in relief.

"Well? How did it go?" Jensen asked.

"Actually, it wasn't that bad. He's pretty helpful; although I didn't expect homework." You said.

"Hey, taking care of yourself is hard work." He said, cupping your face in his hands. "And you've already taken the first step; you're doing great." 

You smiled and glanced at his lips before quickly giving them a peck. 

"Hey Jensen?" You asked.

"Yeah hun?" He responded.

"There was actually something I wanted to talk to you about." You said.

"Like what?" He asked, gently pulling away from you.

"Us. I wasn't sure for a bit, but I think I'm scared. Something always goes wrong in my life, and I would hate for it to be us. I'm not breaking up with you or anything, I'm just unsure. I mean, I can tell you like me, but in what way? Where are we taking this? Is  it even going to go anywhere?" You asked.

Jensen was taken aback at all this information at once; he raised his eyebrows.

"Wow, uh. I guess we do need to talk." He said. "To repeat what you said: yes, I do like you. Hell, I like you a lot. That part, is never going to change, as far as I can tell. We can go wherever you want with this. If you want it to be a fling, let it be a fling. Although, I would really prefer something more than that." Jensen explained.

"Wait.. you would?" You asked, eyes lighting up.

"Yeah! I mean, if that's okay with you of course." Jensen said.

“You have no idea how happy I am to hear that.” You said.

You grabbed Jensen’s face gently and gave him a passionate kiss, pouring all of your emotions into him. He responded gently, meeting the same level of passion without being too rough. In that moment, everything felt good. You knew it wasn’t perfect, but you had faith in both the man in front of you and where he was guiding you.

End

[itzagothamcitysiren]

Welcome to the Family

here’s the final part for my mother’s day special :) I hope you all had a good day and enjoyed this. 

Mother’s Day pt. 3          

 “So how is it?”

           Damian lifted his head, after taking another bite of his burger, chewing before answering his sister with a curt nod. The burger was delicious, greasy, and unimaginably unhealthy; their mother would slit their throats if she saw what they were eating. Outstretched before them was a spread of milkshakes, fries, chicken tenders and each their own oversized burger. Damian had never been to Bat-Burger, and was hesitant but his sister insisted it was good and she, Dick and Tim found the whole gimmick ironic and hilarious; they often frequented the food chain ordering each meal named after themselves.

           “The milkshakes are surprisingly the best around.” She continued, sipping the milkshake named after herself, trying to find something to get him to talk to her. Ever since they left her office he maybe only spoke a handful of words, agreeing to go get food, ordering his food and muttering a thanks when she paid.

           “Even the Night-wings are really good, it gets to Dick’s ego.” She pressed, chuckling. Frowning for a split second, she quickly covered it with a smile. But Damian caught it though, and took another bite of his burger to hide his guilt as she continued to talk. “So what’s new with you?”

           “Nothing.” He shrugged. It was the truth, he didn’t do much besides patrol and she knew that. He didn’t have hobbies besides reading and training. Damian wasn’t in school; he was ‘home schooled’ after trying for a year and it just not working. Bruce thought getting Jason through Gotham Academy was rough but according to Damian he was above prep school.

           He stopped eating his burger when he felt a sudden shift in his sister. Even she was thrown off by it. Maybe it was from lack of sleep or the hunger from not eating since dinner last night, if you could consider a bag of chips dinner. Maybe Bat-Burger wasn’t the best choice to start with. But she thought-, she hoped this place would let Damian loosen up. Even Bruce managed to crack a small smile when entering this place. Shaking her head she pushed her burger away from her, placing her head in her hands, frustrated. Damian slowly put his food down as well, letting his hands fall to his sides, anxiously clenching them into fists. She was gonna give up on him, he knew it. Coming here was a mistake.

           “Sister-,”

           “Halley.” She corrected, looking up from her hands. “My name is Halley. Yes I am your sister, but you don’t have to be so formal about it all the time.” She snapped, instantly regretting it. She promised to herself long ago to never lose her cool with Damian, but he was just so frustrating. “Why did you come to my office today Damian? It crossed my mind that you might’ve been jealous earlier about me making plans with Tim and not inviting you but whenever I do invite you places you just scoff at me. And I just didn’t see you being the jealous type, but then again I don’t really know you. Then you showed up today and I thought you actually wanted to, I don’t know? Do something together? But I feel like I’m the only one wanting to be here.”

           “Tt.” Damian crossed his arms, huffing. “I am not jealous of Drake.”

           “Tt.” Halley matched his stance, crossing her arms against her own chest and leaned back into her seat. “Okay if you’re not jealous of him, then why are we here?”

           Damian was speechless for a moment. Normally, this conversation would play out differently. Normally, after insulting Tim, Halley would then shoot into reasons why Damian should give Tim a chance, and that he was actually really nice. She’d never call him out like that, always not wanting to push him away or giving him a chance to get angry at the conversation and leave. It took Damian a few seconds longer than he’d like to admit to think of a retort.

           “I figured since you have these outings with everyone and they praise them, I should finally figure out what all the fuss is about. And so far I’m not impressed.” He snapped right back, showing the same sass that ran on their shared side of the family.

           Raising her own eyebrow, Halley snorted, reaching for her shake and taking a long sip before putting it back down and pointing a finger at her little brother. “Of course you’re not impressed. When me and the guys hang out we actually have conversations. Dick’s my best friend, we actually want to know what’s going on in each other’s lives; we shoot the shit, whatever you wanna call it. And Tim, Tim tries; he’s always reaching out and making sure I’m not overworking and taking care of myself and I do the same for him. We care about each other.” Halley took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of her nose.

           “With you,” she continues trying to soften her voice, not realizing she sounded as if she was in work mode and could see Damian trying to hide his nervousness. “With you, it’s like I’m talking to a wall, a very thick wall. I’ve tried since day one Damian; I’ve tried to build a relationship with you but I don’t know what else to do. I’ve stuck up for you when everyone else didn’t and I’ve vouched for you. I was there when Bruce went missing, and I believed you with all that Talon nonsense, and I just get nothing in return besides insults. I don’t want much, I’m your sister and I’m just tired of trying if you really don’t care.”

           Damian bit his lip, unpacking every word that his sister spoke. He knew her frustrations. His father and Grayson had the same, as he was constantly reminding himself of. He just wasn’t sure how to open up to her. He wasn’t even sure how she opened up when she moved into the manor. He wanted to ask her but he was just so afraid to open his mouth and talk to her for unknown reasons.  He looked at her sad eyes as she spoke, feeling guilt from the years blocking her out finally being too much to keep in. Damian didn’t know how he would start but he licked his lips, finally figuring it was now or never to start trying back.

           “How did you adjust so well? It’s been two years and I-,” Damian paused already embarrassed for oversharing.

           Halley softened her stance. That was the most serious but personal question Damian had ever asked her. She smiled before opening her mouth to answer him. “I had people who cared. Like you do, even if you don’t see it.”

           She’s been thirteen, Damian’s age now when Dick saved her from her father. It wasn’t until Damian came along and she had to face her father again for the first time in years did Slade reveal that she was also part al Ghul. She learned what would’ve been her life if it wasn’t for Dick. At the time Slade had been part of the League of Assassins, and was one of Ra’s al Ghul right hands. The plan at the time was for Slade and Talia to give him a new heir, with the pair bringing Halley into the world. When she could walk and talk it was agreed that Slade would take her into the world to train; at the time thinking that field training would be the most officiant. When Slade thought she was ready, she’d be brought back to the League, but that was ruined when she escaped and joined the batfamily. She was his ticket in taking over the League, and he hadn’t taken her ruining it for him easily.

           “Dick took me in after saving me from Slade. He’d beat the shit out of me if I just sneezed wrong. He was an abusive fuck, but I was used to it. He drilled into my brain that I wasn’t good enough and I deserved the things he did to me. They would make me stronger. He made me just like you, untrusting and closed off. But Dick and the Titans eventually taught me that not everyone is an asshole. And when Bruce let me move to the manor and take his last name and gave me a home and a good life, I was-, well I just put my trust into them and I’m glad I did.” Halley shrugged, images of her time with Slade flashing through her eyes like a bad movie. Clearing her throat again, blinking away the tears that were forming, she looked back at the boy looking up at her with a soft expression.

           “And Jay, helped me a lot. He helped me adjust to things. He- he was great.” She looked down at her food, letting a finger brush a stray tear away. Cursing, for showing weakness in front of her little brother who already judged her every move, she coughed, straitening herself out.

           “I don’t want you to be like Dick or Tim, or Jason.” She continued, knowing he’d have nothing to say from where she left off. “I just want you to be Damian and I want us to have a relationship that makes you comfortable and makes you feel safe. So if going to stupid burger joints isn’t your thing, that’s fine. We can go to a fine dining restaurant if you want for all I care. And you don’t have to feel like you have to get me mothers day’s presents, that’s not your thing. I totally understand and don’t expect it to be.” She waved off, moving back to bite into her burger, trying to defuse the tension some more.

           Damian still kept his straight face. He knew the basics about his sister but not all details. He knew she was Slade’s apprentice, but he just figured she was a traitor and chose to leave. Her joining his father was what made Slade lose his good graces with his grandfather. It was the whole reason why Slade attacked the League of Assassin’s base years later, killing Ra’s al Ghul and leading Damian to meeting his father. He gulped, letting his face fall a little, in comfort.

           “I don’t mind this place.” He nodded, going back to bite into his burger as well, while also grabbing another Night-wing, wishing the chicken tender was called something else. “And-and, I wouldn’t even know what to get you or what kind of card to make. Though I did tell Drake your favorite color was purple. Tt, imbecile was going to make the letters red.”

           “You remembered my favorite color?” Halley awed at him, causing him to pout, embarrassed. “You just remembering my favorite color makes me happy enough.”

           “That’s silly,” He squinted at her. Grayson turned her into such a sap.

           “Yeah, well I think it’s cute.” She huffed, moving back to her milkshake. She looked up at him as she sipped, “So after this, what does Damian Wayne want to do today? I assume movies and arcade are boring to you.”

           “You assume correct.” He nodded in agreement. He took a second to ponder her question, not quite ready to go home after this. He didn’t really know at first, until one specific place popped up in his head. He’d yet to visit one, but had read about them and was curious, you could say. He was too afraid to ask his father and not ready for Grayson’s reaction; there was no one better than Halley to ask to take him. With a stern face he looked up at her, “I would like to go to the zoo.”

           “The zoo?” Halley questioned. She mentally slapped herself when she saw him begin to crawl into himself again, she outreached a hand to him, “No, no, no! I just didn’t think you’d want to. I love the zoo; I used to beg Jay to go with me all the time, but he thought they were boring and smelly,” She chuckled fondly at the memory. “But the Gotham Zoo is surprisingly nice.” She said looking down at her phone for the time. “We have time if we finish this on our way there, they don’t close for another four hours or so.” Halley said, now excitedly packing up the trash and figuring out what was good enough to eat during the walk over to the zoo.

           Damian felt that same pang in his chest from earlier but this time it didn’t make him nervous. Instead he felt content, happy even? He didn’t feel as if this whole idea was a disaster and for once actually felt a touch of excitement. Gathering his belongings he then proceeded to ask questions about what kind of animals they have at a zoo, and other things, like can you pet them, etc. Halley eagerly answered all of them, asking her own like what his favorite animal was and stuff like that.

           The rest of the afternoon went by way to quick and soon Halley was in a cab making sure Damian got home okay, even with him reassuring her if he could get to her office without her he could get home. She simply waved him off, and gave him a playful shove as the cab pulled up to the manor. Her smile almost hurt when he turned to her as he stood out of the cab and said that he hoped they could do this again sometime.

           Within the next hour, she found herself stomping up her apartment, not in anger but in pure delight. She couldn’t believe today actually happened. After two years she actually made progress with Damian. Opening the door to her apartment, she dropped her bag and plopped the keys onto the kitchen counter, she could have even sworn she saw him smile at least one today.

           She walked into her kitchen, grabbing a water bottle, closing the fridge and looking at the pictures she had hanging on her fridge. Taking a second she leaned against the counter, taking them all in. This year’s mother’s day card from Tim hung near a picture of the two of them from his second birthday at the Manor, it’s been his sixteenth. She’d taken him to an arcade and the pair had spent all day building up their tickets so Tim could get some replica sword. She smirked at the picture where instead of the sword, he decided on getting her a giant stuff pug as a thank you for spending all day with him. In it she held onto it tightly, the thing was so fluffy and cute as Tim smiled into the camera widely. She still had the thing on her bed, she chuckled.

           Next to that one was a picture of her and Dick, from her own sixteenth birthday where he insisted on throwing her a giant pool party, inviting all of the Titans and batfamily. He stood hosting her up on his shoulders, as if she was a prize. It was only moments after the phot was taken did he throw her into the pool, only for her to furiously chase him for revenge. Alfred had taken another photo from that stood next to it of her getting said revenge by smashing a piece of cake in Dick’s face, Bruce seen in the background with a disapproving look.

           Along with those she let her eyes fall to last set of photos on the fridge, feeling the water works already starting. The anniversary of Jason’s death hit her harder this year. Every year it’d been hard, but the pressure of graduating, keeping up with her nightly activities and the nightmare that was her mother kidnapping and brainwashing Bruce, the day just crept up on her and she didn’t have time to prepare herself.  

           Sighing as she looked at the first photo they took together, she just let the tears fall, knowing she’d only feel worse keeping them in.  They’d snuck out on their first date, having kept their relationship a secret, afraid Bruce wouldn’t allow it because they lived right across the hall from each other. It wasn’t until Jason died did Bruce tell he knew from the beginning. She chuckled at the photo, taking it off the fridge too look at it closely.

           It was just a simple movie date but she remembered being so nervous the entire time. She felt her heart nearly beat out of her chest when he made the first move and clumsily placed his arm around her shoulders twenty minutes into the movie. It took another twenty minutes until she found the courage to lean her head on his shoulder. She’d blushed the brightest when the movie ended and he grabbed her hand and held it as they walked out. He called her a dork, seeing her blush, causing her to blush harder.  He’d snapped the photo shortly after, saying she looked cute when she was frazzled. She defiantly looked frazzled in the photo while he sneaked a kiss on her cheek.

           The second photo of the pair had been of the pair a couple of weeks before he had died. They were just about to graduate High School, and where going to prom together. Bruce insisted they should go, so they told Bruce they were going together because everyone else was lame. She’d actually had fun for the short amount of time that they actually stood at the prom. They quickly snuck out, taking Jason’s car to go get Chinese take-out and parking off somewhere and stuffing their faces.

           Clipping the photo back onto the fridge she sighed again, picking up her phone to look at the picture’s she snuck of Damian today. She held a hand to her lips as she looked them over. She couldn’t get any of the pair together without him seeing her but it was okay. She got him in the petting zoo, a blank face, but you could see that he was content as he pet a goat, and then a llama. She laughed thinking about how enthralled he was by the farm animals. He found the more exotic animals interesting but for whatever reason the farm animals really caught his interest.

           She looked at the top of her phone, seeing a notification from Tim. Clicking on it, she noted how she had to get those pictures printed so she could put them in place with the others. Now reading the text from her brother, she could stop the snort that escaped her nose. Oh Damian,

“Why is Damian demanding Bruce get him a pet cow?”

[just-anka]

I realised I haven’t really regularly posted here since like... I don’t even know, September? It’s been a while, anyway. A lot happened, and I now feel like actually writing a post for the first time in a while, so here goes haha. The first bullet point is entirely work waffle so feel free to skip. Apologies in advance for the fact that this post will probably reach novel length by the time I’m done. 

• I took a week off in late September before Ben started his new job so we could go to the mountains for a bit, and it was a much-needed little break from work. And pretty much right after I got back, work got completely mental - nothing bad as such, just one thing after the other, loads of deadlines, so many important things. First I was finishing up data for a paper (first authorship was being debated which is partially why I threw myself into the job so much, but it looks like it’ll be the PhD student before me’s now, which is how it should be tbh, it’s much more hers than it is mine), then the date for my first committee meeting was set and I suddenly had only two weeks to prepare (did not think it was going to be that short notice, whoops, had a very stressful two weeks but all went well - for us, this meeting means presenting our research plan and preliminary data to a committee of four professors so they can give you input, it’s not suuuper formal but still pretty stressful), then I had to write the report for that (I love writing so that one was okay), then there was suddenly a lot to do for a really important cooperation with a company (big money responsibility which stressed me the fuck out), and then, just as I thought I was pretty much done for the year, I realised I needed my lab book up to date for my end of year meeting with my PI (which wouldn’t be such a big deal, except I didn’t have a lab book at the time. Never got around to starting one. So nine months of lab book were written within another very stressful week). Whew. Even writing this out makes me feel like that was a lot haha. 

• After the end of year discussion, I really was done for the year - I officially worked until the 23rd but there was not that much actual work happening, and with the pressure off after months, I properly crashed for a few days. Ben left for England on the weekend after to see his family for christmas etc, and I spent most of that weekend sleeping and doing very little. It was needed. Then my mum came to visit me for the holidays and we had four really lovely days together, also involving a lot of chilling (the only actual thing we did was that magical winter hike that I posted some pictures of the other day). 

• And now I’m skiing! I was planning to go to England as well for NYE to see Ben’s family, but with the corona situation escalating again lately I decided it was too risky for just a few days. So I made a last-minute plan to go skiing by myself instead, because all that involves is a 2 hour train journey. I’m actually staying in a hotel too, which I’ve never done by myself before, I’m usually a dorm in a hostel type of person, but well. Covid has changed a lot of things :D trying to stay safe and away from people, which is of course not entirely possible in a ski resort, but it’s going okay. The skiing itself is great, it’s really nice having some time to go at my own pace and a few days in a row. Today was day 4 and I’ve really found my groove again (more on that later). There’s not much snow though so not many off-pisteing opportunities :/ I’m staying until Monday and then it’s back to work on Wednesday. 

• Speaking of skiing, we’ve got season passes this year, my first season and Ben’s second. We’ve just been doing on the weekends so far - since the 21st of November I just realised while looking back in my calendar! That’s one hell of an early season start haha. We did just one day three weekends and then one full weekend right before Ben left. The first few days were bloody hard. For context, I learned to ski before I learned to walk and loved it as a child, then stopped for a few years because I felt like I wasn’t progressing anymore and was getting bored with it, basically. Then last January I went to France with Ben and his skiing friends and got introduced to freeriding and the idea of ski touring, and now I’m back to loving it haha. I’d ideally like to not have to resort ski anymore at one point (meaning touring) because I know it’s terrible from an environmental standpoint but... idk. It’s currently my only option, and I love it a lot, so I guess it feels okay? Anyway, since I learned to ski so early, it’s the one sport that I’ve always been pretty good at and like, never get scared, at least not on piste. Until this year. The first three individual days were just all kind of horrible, the conditions weren’t ideal with very hard surface and tons of ice and pretty busy slopes, and only steep terrain open as well (Engelberg, our “home” resort - we have a season pass that encompasses a bunch of resorts so we’re not limited to one - is literally dead flat beginner’s slopes, which weren’t open in the beginning, or red runs that should be black and black lol). Pairing loads of ice with my old skis which barely have an edge anymore was... not ideal. I was so scared constantly and it made me like I lost all my ability etc etc. But yeah, turns out I just needed a few days and some easier conditions to get back into it, and now ice and steep stuff and everything is fine again. Who would’ve thought. (a sensible person, probably). 

• But then, the full weekend we skied in December was awesome! Saturday already felt much better and then it snowed a bunch over night and Sunday we spent all day powder skiing, basically. I learned SO much and just had an absolute ball! Definitely one of the best days skiing I’ve had, and one of the best days recently in general. 

• Plus that whole weekend was just lovely, car camping in a campsite full of huge campervans was pretty fun :D I love the looks we get when people see the car and clearly wonder where we sleep. And we’ve got our setup perfected for winter now so both the nights were toasty. Friday night we had dinner in “bed” watching a movie, and Saturday night we sat in the little kitchen (the campsite has it open for everyone, but everyone else there has a camper, so it doesn’t seem to be used much) drinking tea and playing cards and ahh. Camping in the mountains. My ideal life eh? (though the weekend before this wonderful one, we got snowed in because it dumped over a metre over night completely unexpectedly and that was stressful as hell, but I think that’s a story for another day, if ever, I’m kind of trying to forget that day :’D) 

• Yesterday I also finally took the plunge and ordered new skis. Been debating for ages which ones to get but I’ve finally decided and I’m now very excited! 

• Ok this post so far reads as “work and skiing” which is pretty much what November and December were and probably what January is going to be too haha. Ben and I want to ski another week together end of January as well, and there’s some big exciting work things coming up as well. 

• Even though I have to admit, now that I’m on a break, I’ve spent a lot of time dreading work and questioning my career choices and all of that lark... sigh. I love my job most of the time, but I kind of hate having a job? If that makes sense? Sometimes (okay a lot of the time) I just wish I had more time for other things that I care about. But I also now I’m lucky to have that job, especially this year, and lucky to have a job I don’t hate, and get to do a lot of fun stuff on the side, even if it often means little sleep and downtime. 

• Speaking of things I care about, I was on a proper roll with writing for a few days before and after Christmas. It’s ebbed off again a bit, but it was still pretty cool, and my totally-useless-all-cheese-project is now 33,000+ words long and like, half-way there story wise. Had a lot of fun with that. 

• Lastly, Ben is still in England, and he’s coming back next Sunday, and I can’t wait! I miss him so much when we’re not together it’s actually silly. Although it’s less stressful this time than the last few times because... we live together, his work just offered him an unlimited contract from January, and I’m stuck here for another 2-3 years, so it looks like we’ll actually get to be in the same place for now. Which is all I wished for last year, and I’m so damn grateful - that stability really is the best thing 2020 has brought for me. And, as he said, even though we were apart for the start of the new year, it will hopefully bring more time together than any previous year ♡

• Okay I think this is long enough now, if you actually made it until here you’re a hero and I will try and post a bit more regularly again now to avoid this size of mind dump :’D I hope you all got into the new year alright, it feels very strange to me that it’s 2021 because I actually slept through midnight on new year’s for the first time since I was tiny haha but I’m sure a lot of people feel the same way! 

[zackmartin]

like. okay i dont know how 3 year olds work and also i dont know how old izzy was when z&h adopted her BUT! them taking out izzy/felix in dinosaur onesies when theyre young bc zack thinks dinosaurs are rad and hen thinks zack is rad

skxksks okay I'm in overexplain mode so my answer will probably be paragraphs long and I formally apologize for that but okay

There are so many parts of this ask I wanna focus on. First of all, it took me a hot minute to even respond cause I kept reading "hen thinks Zack is rad" and I had to put my phone down and keep myself from crying and right now. I am choked up 🥺🥺🥺 like, okay. Obviously when I picture this stuff, Hen & Zack are married so like, they're in the same place feelings wise, I wouldn't have them married with literal children if they weren't, but I think I often get stuck in DoD mode where I'm thinking about where that story is right now, with Zack having a crush on Henry but Henry still isnt a fan of Zack, so I have a tendency to look at things from Zack's side, with Zack being smitten with Hen, and Zack being the one to admit he misses him when their work schedules keep them from having any time together outside of when they're supposed to be sleeping, and Zack compromising because he wants Hen to be happy, so. I read that and I was reminded that Hen is also smitten with Zack and I had to be in my feelings about for a while jcjdjvkdjc

Yeah, I don't know how toddlers work either jdjfkd or children really. I had a lot of baby cousins growing up, but I haven't been around them regularly since I moved at 13 so there's been a better part of a decade where I haven't interacted with anyone under 13, so if I write this one-shot series it'll probably be inaccurate JAXJSK

But anyway! I am. Soft™️ because you're right, that would happen 🥺🥺💕💕 it DID happen. It's canon in my au now. Also! Felix idolizes Izzy. She doesn't know it, but he does, so he finds a picture of them in their matching onesies one day and he keeps it and cherishes it.

Okay, adoption backstory time kskxkd I don't know how adoptions work either. I got no clue. But Swellview is so odd with their laws anyway that I kinda just made up my own rules sjfjdj so, Izzy was kinda like in the Friends series, when Monica and Chandler adopt, where Izzy's birth mom picks them to adopt her, so they pretty much have her when she's born. Felix, on the other hand. Okay, this is sad and morbid and I'm sorry but. Felix was an orphan, and at that time, Henry and Zack had had many discussions about adopting another kid but they were still sort of on the fence about it, but they get a call from the adoption agency they used before, about a new kid that was brought in that was having a hard time finding the right "fit" when it came to a permanent home so they were like "will you just come meet him?" (Again, making up my own rules here JSJD) so they say yes and.....

One thing I need to mention about Felix is that he's an introvert. He's pretty quiet and timid and it takes him a while to warm up to new people, and he only really warms up to a select few, but if you're lucky enough to be in that select few, he just. Almost becomes a whole new person and he'll talk your ear off about things he's interested in. So, it took him a while to form a bond with Izzy and Zack because they're both the opposite of that, they're extroverts and they have big personalities and they're rambunctious so it was really off-putting for Felix. But, Henry! Henry kinda recognized from the moment they met that Felix was shy and obviously traumatized from his experience of losing his parents so he just kind of. Became this calm, peaceful presence that Felix really needed and he let Felix have control by letting Felix decide when he wanted to interact with Henry, and he let Felix come to him pretty much so they really formed a bond pretty quickly and that was pretty much it. Henry wasn't on the fence any more, that was his child and he was going to adopt him whether Zack agreed or not (but like. Zack did, obviously. That was a very "yes, dear" moment in their marriage JSJCJS)

Anyway, sorry I know you were just giving me a cute headcanon and I went off om a whole other subject but kskdsk

[youngjusticeslut]

Center Stage (Chapters 2 and 3)

Fandom: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power Characters: Adora, Catra, Glimmer, Bow, Mermista, Sea Hawk, Kyle, Perfuma, Frosta Ships: Catradora, Glimbow, Seamista, Kygelio, Scorptra Rating: T+ AO3

“That’s where I know you from! The audition,” Adora explains. It takes Catra a moment to connect the dots, but she remembers the other blonde and bristles slightly. The cute blonde was… Adora. Peachy. “I’m so sorry, I meant to introduce myself then, but I was just so overwhelmed— You get it, don’t you? One day you’re the top of your class at your shitty ballet school and then suddenly…” she trails off, flushing pink. “Sorry. I ramble when I’m nervous.”

Shit. She’s cuter when she rambles. “It’s okay,” Catra waves her off. “Sometimes I can’t believe it either.”

--

A Catradora Ballet AU

Catra leans against the windowsill of Scorpia’s dorm room, holding a freshly lit cigarette and watching the fresh flock of students arrive. Move-in day. The start of a new year, and for some, a new life. As mutually agreed upon by both her and Octavia, the day she moved into Bright Moon was to be the last day of her foster arrangement. The day she’d been looking forward to since moving to New York City was finally here, and for that, she couldn’t be more grateful.

So why isn’t she shiny and smiling like the rest of the people pouring into the school? Catra pulls the cigarette to her lips, taking a long drag before blowing out the smoke into the air. She should be excited. She is finally here, a chance at the opportunity of a lifetime, and finally away from the shitty place she called home. She should be bouncing off the fucking walls with glee.

Per usual, Catra doesn’t have an answer. Instead she just hangs out of the window, glancing upon these people’s lives and pretending they were hers. Unlike her, most of the arriving students boast several belongings to their name, with parents helping them drag everything inside. Everything she owned had fit quite nicely into her ballet bag and one backpack, clothes, shoes and all.

From her position, she can hear a myriad of conversations, though they all carry the same general context. It was all ‘Honey come help me with this’, or ‘Mom, stop being so embarrassing, I’ll be fine’. Catra tells herself she doesn’t care, despite the pit in her stomach telling her that she obviously does.

“You haven’t left that spot in an hour, Wildcat,” Scorpia notes from her bed, turning the page to the magazine she was reading. “You about ready to tell me what’s up?”

“Nothing’s up,” Catra mutters. She finishes off her cigarette and stamps it out on the windowsill before joining Scorpia at the end of her bed. “People are just obnoxious, is all.”

Scorpia chuckles. “The ballet types are… a lot, but you get used to it.”

And what if she doesn’t? Catra huffs out a sigh and pulls her knees to her chest. She is nothing like the other girls, it didn’t take more than five minutes of being here to realize that. There must have been some mistake in her acceptance, she obviously doesn’t belong.

“Hey,” Scorpia nudges Catra with her foot. “It’s just the first day. Don’t get in your head.”

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are. It’s all over your face.” Scorpia sits up, crossing her legs. “What are you thinking about?”

What was Catra supposed to say? That the place that she thought would make her feel most confident actually left her feeling more insecure than she ever had before? That now she had no home to go back to and nothing but her meager belongings to her name? Scorpia had been there for her through everything, shouldn’t she already know? A good friend might have let her barriers down and engaged in some ‘girl-talk’. Catra isn’t exactly what she’d consider to be a ‘good friend’.

“Just… how new this all is. I still don’t feel like it’s real,” she admits, because that much is true. Catra knows what would happen if she told Scorpia the truth. Scorpia would immediately start being her amazing self, offering advice and reassurances and all the words that would make Catra want to gag. She didn’t need that right now. Not from Scorpia.

Scorpia hums to herself before nodding, tracing a finger over Catra’s palm. It was a thing they did when they were younger, in ballet class. Back when things were equally as shitty, but simpler. “We can make it real, you know,” she says, grinning at Catra. “Your roommates are probably here by now. Let’s go meet them.”

Catra rolls her eyes, moving her hand away and burying it inside her thick nest of hair. “So you’re my mom now? Pass.”

The bed creaks as Scorpia laughs.“It’ll be fun! I’ll help you unpack, we’ll play some music, and make sure you get top bunk.”

It was definitely an option. Meeting her roommates would definitely make everything more real. Unless they were horrible, and stuck up, then that would be a little too real and Catra isn’t sure if she’s ready for that yet.

“I don’t think so,” she replies, wishing she’d stuffed more than one cigarette in the pocket of her jeans. She really needs better hindsight, because now she wants another cigarette, and it’s far too much work to dig through all her shit and find the carton. “I don’t need to be babied.”

Scorpia scoffs, inching closer and laying on her stomach so that she’s right across from Catra. “I’m not babying you. Just… wanna help you out. The first day in a new place can be rough on anyone.”

“I don’t need help,” Catra says, but with a smile. “I have two bags, it’ll take me all of ten minutes to put my shit away and that’s barely three shitty songs, or two good ones. Don’t worry so much,” she sighs, but appreciates her friend’s concern nonetheless. “I’ll be fine.”

“I know you will be.”

Catra lets the silence hang in the air for a few minutes. “You sure you can’t be my roommate?” she asks, softer than Scorpia has ever heard her voice before. It would be a hell of a lot easier if Scorpia was her roommate. They got along, most of the time. Knew the way the other worked. “We’ll do an illegal switcheroo, or something. I’ll bribe her.”

“You have like, ten dollars in your bank account.”

“Maybe she really likes coffee. If someone bought me a coffee, I’d take it as a bribe.”

Scorpia reaches forward and tucks a loose strand of hair behind Catra’s ear. Without words, Catra knows what she means; she would if she could.

Catra sighs, cracking her back before climbing off the bed. “Alright, I’m going.”

“Sure you don’t want me to come?” Scorpia asks, the slight whine in her voice betraying that she really wanted Catra to say no.

“I’m sure,” Catra says anyway. “I’ll be fine. If it’s just some stuck-up brat I’ll show them who’s boss. I’m a nightmare, remember?”

Scorpia grabs her magazine again, shaking her head with a smile. “You’re not a nightmare.” She pauses, not opening the magazine immediately. “Hey, Catra?”

“Yeah?” When Catra doesn’t receive an immediate response, she turns towards Scorpia, both bags on her shoulders. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing! Nothing’s wrong, at least…” she chuckles, her cheeks tingeing pink. “Look, every year, the ballet company hosts a gala on the first weekend of the school year. It’s a whole show, and then a party afterwards.”

Catra adjusts the bags on her shoulders, making sure she has everything before looking back at Scorpia. “Cool.”

“Yeah, it is. Cool, I mean.” Scorpia clears her throat. “I just thought, maybe you’d like to go together?”

She fights back a grimace. Galas are stuffy and boring— or so she’d heard, at least. Not like she’d ever attended one. “Is attendance mandatory?”

“Kind of.”

“Then sure. Better than going alone, I guess.” At least if Scorpia was there, she wouldn’t have to go and talk to people she really doesn’t care about.

“Cool,” Scorpia repeats, grinning to herself a bit. “That sounds good. Text me later?”

Catra heads for the door. “I’ll think about it,” she says, lugging her bags out as she leaves. A gala meant that she would have to buy a dress. She’d considered throwing her stained blue formal dress in her bag this morning, but she’d left it at the bottom of her closet. In retrospect, she really shouldn’t be allowed to make decisions before nine am.

She follows the hallway of the girls’ dormitory to room 1130. It wasn’t hard to find again; she’d lingered just outside earlier today, but hadn’t wanted to face it just yet. Instead she’d just hidden like a coward in Scorpia’s room. This time, however, the door was open.

In the room stood a petite blonde girl, humming to a song on the radio and unpacking her things. At least she was alone. Catra takes a deep breath, steadying herself before entering the room. “Room 1130?” she asks, pretending she didn’t know where she was in an effort to make conversation.

The girl startles and turns around, but smiles at Catra. “Looks like you’re my roommate.” She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, holding her hand out. “I’m Adora.”

Catra glances downward at the outstretched hand, hesitating for a second before she ends up taking it, giving it a light squeeze. “Guess I am. Catra,” she answers. There’s something familiar about this girl, Adora. Something that she can’t put her finger on just yet.

Adora figures it out first, after she pulls her hand away. “Do I know you from somewhere?”

“Don’t think so.” Catra throws her stuff on the top bunk, relieved to see that it’s unclaimed. That’s one confrontation she doesn’t have to have.

“No, I definitely do. I’d remember those eyes,” she explains.

Catra blinks, turning back to look at Adora. “My eyes?”

“Yeah,” Adora replies, shrugging as she continues to unpack. “It’s not every day you see someone with one blue and one hazel eye.”

“Most people find it intimidating.” The words come off harsh, but Catra doesn’t mean them to be. When she was younger, kids, teachers, foster parents, you name it, had been afraid to look her in the eyes. She’s used to it by now. Catra unzips her own bag, figuring that now was a good time as any to start unpacking. Might as well, if Adora was already doing it.

The two cross paths on her way to the dresser. Adora laughs a bit, looking right at her. “Sorry. I know New York City rooms are famous for being small, but this is…”

“Ridiculous,” Catra finishes for her, unable to help the smile that forms on her lips. “You from New York?”

“The Bronx, born and raised. You?”

“Brooklyn. Past seven years.” Seven years. Catra can’t believe that it’s been that long already. Feels like just yesterday she was still just a little twerp on the Subway, trying her best to navigate the map herself.

Adora lights up. “That’s where I know you from! The audition,” she explains. It takes Catra a moment to connect the dots, but she remembers the other blonde and bristles slightly. The cute blonde was… Adora. Peachy. “I’m so sorry, I meant to introduce myself then, but I was just so overwhelmed— You get it, don’t you? One day you’re the top of your class at your shitty ballet school and then suddenly…” she trails off, flushing pink. “Sorry. I ramble when I’m nervous.”

Shit. She’s cuter when she rambles. “It’s okay,” Catra waves her off. “Sometimes I can’t believe it either.”

“Are you kidding? Your dancing is incredible. I knew they’d take you in a heartbeat, even if you were late.”

“What can I say?” She smirks, unable to help herself, shooting a wink at Adora. “I like to make an entrance.” Maybe she’d judged her too harshly. If this is how it was going to be, she can get behind this whole ‘roommate’ thing. Catra brushes past her, moving to rustle in her bag for another cigarette. She pretends not to notice Adora stiffen as she does so.

She also pretends not to notice Adora’s eyes on her, watching her every move as she lights the cigarette. “I thought dancers aren’t supposed to smoke. Body is a temple, and all that.”

Catra’s smirk only deepens, taking a long drag and blowing out the smoke. This girl had balls; for years, Scorpia had danced around her displeasure of Catra smirking. Adora had called her out in minutes. “My body is a temple,” she notes, leaning against the back wall of their room. The tension melts away as the dose of nicotine settles into her system, so she’s able to play it cool, relaxed. “Want a drag?”

“I’ll pass.”

She plays it coy, tilting her head to the side. “What’s your drug of choice?”

Adora doesn’t respond right away, mulling the question over as she continues to unpack her things. “Empanadas,” she admits with a cheeky smile. “And anything with vodka.”

“Svedka?” Catra teases.

“Please.” Adora waves her off, turning to face her before crossing her arms over her chest. “I can drink anyone under the table.”

Unlikely. They both seem to be around the same age, so unless Adora has a super great fake ID, there’s no way anyone was legally letting her drink. Plus, Adora is hardly taller than her, and weighs a hundred and thirty pounds at most. She’d be a lightweight for sure. Still, Catra finds her attempt almost sweet. “Is that so? Well then, maybe one night you’ll have to show me.”

Adora gives Catra a wink of her own. “Count on it.”

“Uh, hey.” Catra and Adora both turn to the new voice. In the doorway stands another girl, staring at them both quite warily. She looks at the room number outside, as if to confirm she’s in the right place, before settling her gaze on her future roommates. “I’m Glimmer. Guess we’re all roommates.”

Catra hadn’t even taken notice that there was a single bed, off to the side. Three roommates, one tiny room. Perfect; figures that Bright Moon would cut corners on something. The girl, Glimmer, doesn’t seem too thrilled either. Her face is nearly as pink as her hair, light and flush. Judging by the two huge suitcases beside her, she was a total princess type. Just her luck.

“Don’t sound too excited, Roomie,” Catra simpers, hoping to convey that she wasn’t to be trifled with. “We promise we won’t harsh your mellow.” She takes extra pleasure in the chuckle Adora tries to hide behind a cough.

Glimmer nods, swallowing nervously before lugging her suitcase inside. “...Right.”

Adora recovers from her chuckle, extending a hand to Glimmer just like she had with Catra. “I’m Adora, and this is Catra. This is our first year at Bright Moon.”

“Obviously.” Glimmer pulls her suitcases over to her bed before she takes Adora’s hand. “I know everybody else.”

“Everyone? Even the janitors?” Catra asks, unable to help herself from egging this girl on. If she didn’t, she was certain that this ‘Glimmer’ girl would try to stake her superiority over them. Catra had seen it before, with older foster siblings.

“Even the janitors.” Glimmer sighs and turns to Catra with a wary expression. “I’ve been here since I was nine. I can introduce them to you, if you want.”

“I’m good,” she mutters, focusing her attention on puffing a strand of hair out of her eyes.

“Wait, nine?” Adora sits on her bunk, crossing her legs. “That’s nuts. Did you grow up here?”

Glimmer hums, nodding as she thinks it over. She opens her suitcases, revealing an impeccably sorted array of every item a dancer could ever want. “Yeah, kinda. I’ve been in the kids program, and then graduated to the upper levels. My parents own the school,” Glimmer explains, pulling out each perfectly pressed leotard and placing it in her dresser. Catra can’t help the twinge of jealousy in her stomach. She barely had two leotards to her name, and this girl seemed to own the whole catalogue. Her hand twitches and the previously forgotten cigarette slips, burning her. Shit. What a fucking waste of a cigarette.

She mutters to herself and yanks her bag off her bed, rummaging around until she finds her tiny ashtray and the carton. The burn on her leg bothers her, but she’s had worse. It would pucker up and scab in a couple of days. Once Catra puts her cigarette out, she immediately sets to lighting a second one.

“What are you doing?”

Catra looks up, noticing that both Adora and Glimmer’s eyes were on her. “What does it look like I’m doing?” She places the stick in her mouth and takes a quick drag, trying not to laugh when Glimmer’s face changes from pink to red.

“You can’t smoke in here,” she grits out. “It’s against the rules.”

“I won’t tell if you don’t.” Catra looks to Adora for assistance, but the blonde has made herself neutral in the situation, unpacking her things as if the conversation isn’t happening.

“I’m serious. If you want to smoke, you have to do it outside.”

She sighs, shaking her head. Of course this girl had no sense of chill. Glimmer was probably born with a stick up her ass— Catra really shouldn’t be all that surprised. With everyone’s eyes on her, she walks over to the window and cracks it open, sticking her hand holding the cigarette outside. “Satisfied?” she cooes, smirking all the while.

“Do you think this is a joke?” the pink-haired girl shrills. “I’ll call security.”

Under normal circumstances, she wouldn’t even give her request the time of day. It’s on the tip of her tongue to tell her to fuck off, until she remembers that Glimmer mentioned that her parents owned the school. One word to Mommy and Daddy and Catra would find herself on the street.

She stands up straighter, her shoulders tensing. “Fine.” Catra glances back at Adora. “You coming?”

To her credit, Adora very much looks like she wants to go. She looks between Catra and Glimmer before rubbing the back of her head. “I should really stay and unpack.”

Catra shrugs. “Suit yourself.” She turns on her heel and leaves the room without another word. Despite being disappointed, she can’t blame Adora for staying behind. Picking Glimmer as an ally would serve her far better in the long run. She can respect that.  

Even so, now she’s alone. She doesn’t really feel like going outside, but it would hurt her pride to simply put out the cigarette and go back to her room. Scorpia wasn’t an option either, she would judge her if she went back to her so soon.

“Please tell me you have another one of those.” She whirls around, nearly bumping into the boy who had spoken. “Sorry,” he says quickly, rubbing his neck with an awkward chuckle. “Guess that came out of nowhere.”

“No shit,” Catra mutters.

“I’m Bow. And I would just about die for one of those right now,” he continues. In a strange moment of kindness, Catra hands over the cigarette. Bow accepts it gratefully, taking a puff and blowing out the smoke to the side.

Catra watches him, slightly amused. “So… Bow. Is that your real name?”

“It’s my stage name. Because, like my dancing, I’m sturdy and yet ever so graceful.” He winks at Catra and hands back the cigarette. “What’s your stage name?”

“Don’t need one.” Catra places the cigarette back in her mouth and inhales, savoring the smoke before she blows it out. “I’m Catra.”

Bow grins. “An individual, I like it. You’re new?”

“What, is it written on my forehead or something?”

“Something like that. The returning students kind of all know each other, it’s a small class.”Catra nods at the response. A small class means more talent. So why the hell was she here? “Oh hey!” Bow exclaims, his face lighting up. “Come meet my roommates. I think you’ll get a kick out of them.”

She grimaces before she can stop herself. Meeting new people and making friends wasn’t too high on her list of priorities at the moment. Or, well, ever. “I was just going to head outside and smoke. Apparently it’s not allowed in the dorms.”

Bow scoffs and takes her arm, already dragging her towards the stairway. “Don’t worry about it. My roommates are cool. They don’t share their goods, but they’ll be fine if you bring your own.”

“Just like that?” She purses her lips and has to fight to stay coordinated with the way this Bow kid is dragging her. “No narcs?”

“No narcs.”

Not like Catra has much of a choice, but she figures that Scorpia would be proud of her if she reported back that she at least made an attempt at being social, so… why not?

—

When Bow opens the door to his room, he and Catra are greeted with a rather unusual sight. A Britney Spears song blasts full-volume from a laptop, one boy is doing a rather enthusiastic set of squats in a set of shorts that are way too tight for him, and another is hanging up anime posters, wearing earphones.

Bow’s cheeks flush as the two stand in the doorway, and he shoots Catra a look of apology. “I was hoping they’d be more normal, by now.”

Catra stares at the odd scenario before breaking into a grin. She can work with weird. “I can see why you went out for a stroll.” She means it in good jest. Actually, she much prefers whatever is going on here to the tension in her room. “Are you really hanging Naruto posters up right now?” she calls out to the boy wearing headphones.

He jumps at her accusation, taking out his earphones. “Uh… yeah?” he stammers, looking between her and Bow, clearly intimidated.

“Catra, this is Kyle.” Bow walks over to the laptop and hits pause on the music. “And this is— “

The exercise enthusiast quickly turns around, shooting a wink at Catra and leaning on the desk. “They call me Seahawk.”

Bow groans. “Not this again,” he mumbles under his breath before pinching his temple. “Sebastian. His name is Sebastian.”

“But I want to be called Sea Hawk.” He props up a leg on his bed, striking a pose. “For I am swift, and my dancing is known to intimidate my prey.”

Over in the corner, Kyle shakes his head. “I’m pretty sure that’s not what sea hawks do—” He doesn’t get far in his thoughts, for the alleged Sea Hawk dashes over and covers his mouth.

“Like I said,” he continues, a little out of breath. “Swift and intimidating.”

“Sea Hawk, huh?” Cigarettes forgotten, Catra enters the room and plops down on the desk chair, sitting on it backwards and leaning on top of the backrest. “I’ve heard worse.”

The boy, now known as Sea Hawk, sidles up to her. “Do you think it’s cool?”

“Oh, no. Definitely not cool.” Catra grins at his disappointed look, tilting her head to the side. “But it is memorable. So… what the hell, Sea Hawk it is.” Sea Hawk beams so hard he looks like he’s going to hurt himself, and Catra almost regrets giving him the compliment. So instead, the glances at Kyle. “What’s your deal?”

“Deal?” The smaller boy finally wrestles himself out of Sea Hawk’s grasp, fumbling a bit and stumbling backwards onto his bunk. “No deal. I don’t have a deal.”

It’s a wonder how someone so nervous and intimidated by her very presence ended up as a ballet dancer. Catra twirls a loose strand of hair around her finger, deciding to play with him a little bit. She likes having the upper hand. “Let me guess. You’re from a small town. Only ballet dancer in your area by miles. Somehow, you lucked out into attending one of the best schools in the country.”

Kyle flushes red, unable to meet her eyes. “Something like that.”

Bow, the peacemaker, offers him a life raft and takes over the conversation. “Kyle and I have been roommates for… what, three years now?” When Kyle nods, Bow turns back to Catra. “He may not look it, but Kyle is super light on his feet. Gives some of the girls a run for their money.”

Though she has no reason to doubt Bow, Catra still finds herself wary. The kid looks like he weighs no more than a hundred and fifty pounds, and that’s if she’s being generous. His arms are small, and she wonders how he’s able to hold up a dance partner; the last thing she needs is to be paired up with him.

To push the thoughts out of her head, she finds something to distract herself with on the desk. A few notebooks, Sea Hawk’s laptop… but her interest is piqued at the photograph taped up to the side. “Is that Rogelio Andrés?” Catra asks, scooting closer to get a better look.

Rogelio Andrés may be Bright Moon Ballet’s newest company member, but his performances have been talked about by many. Every year, Catra would scrape up enough money to attend Bright Moon’s student showcase, and Rogelio’s pieces always stood out. It was no question that he was offered a spot in the company after graduating from the academy.

“He’s a legend,” she muses to herself, backing away from the photo.

Kyle grins. “He’s my boyfriend.”

“Shut up,” Catra scoffs. There is no way that a guy like Rogelio would ever give a boy like Kyle the time of day. “I may not like men, but even I know that’s a load of crap.”

Off to the side, Bow snickers. “When are you gonna come off it, Kyle?”

“I’m not making it up!” Kyle’s face is red as can be, and he crosses his arms across his chest. “We’ve been dating for over a year.”

“It would appear hard to believe…” Sea Hark drawls. “You’ve never mentioned him before.”

“Because we like to keep things private. Everyone is always in everyone’s business here,” Kyle explains, moving away from Sea Hawk when the boy rests his head on his shoulder. “And technically company members aren’t allowed to date students. So we don’t talk about it.”

“Yeah, because it’s bullshit. You’re making it up,” Catra concludes.

“I don’t need to prove anything to you guys. Believe what you want,” Kyle sputters before sliding into his shoes. “I’m going out.”

Bow hides a giggle under his palm.  “Don’t hurt yourself, buddy,” he calls after Kyle as he storms out. Once he’s gone, he shoots a wink at Catra. “He’s pretty fun to mess with.”

“Noted.”

“Bow, did you happen to catch a glimpse of my sweet Mermista while you were out?” With Kyle gone, Sea Hawk spreads out on his bed and makes himself comfortable. “It has been ages since I last saw her. My heart yearns for her presence.”

Catra chokes back a laugh. This guy can’t be serious. She’s about to call him out on the act, but upon closer look, Sea Hawk appears to be entirely committed.

“Haven’t seen her.” Bow nods to Catra. “Mermista is his on-again, off-again girlfriend.”

“Which is it now, off or on?” she asks.

Sea Hawk smiles sheepishly. “Off. We may have gotten into a little tiff in the tunnel of love at the amusement park last month, but no matter! I shall win her back posthaste.”

Posthaste? Who even says that anymore?

“Suddenly I see the need for a smoke,” Catra mutters. Still, she would take this over-the-top geek and the anime-loving compulsive liar over the princess back in her room. She messes a bit with her bangs before looking at Bow. “Say, you know anything about a girl named Sparkles?”

“Sparkles?” He cocks his head to the side, trying to figure out if he knows anyone by the name before he lights up and chuckles. “Do you mean Glimmer?”

“Sparkles, Glimmer, same difference.”

A flush appears on Bow’s cheeks, and instead of answering he gets up and starts rummaging under his bed. After a few moments, he pulls out a guitar. “We’re friends,” he says, playing nonchalant as he tunes the guitar.

There’s obviously more to the story, but Catra’s pushed enough buttons today, so she keeps from pressing further. “She’s my roommate,” she explains, messing with her fingers. “We didn’t exactly get off on the right foot.”

Bow nods thoughtfully, checking the strings to make sure they sound right before he proceeds to strum. “That doesn’t surprise me. Glimmer can rub some people the wrong way.” He bites his lip, stopping to play. “You just need to get to know her.”

It’s probably good advice, especially coming from someone who knows Glimmer personally. At the moment, however, Catra’s still licking her wounds, so she’ll let the Princess be the one to make amends. After all, it’s the least she can do.

They sit in a comfortable silence after. Bow plays on his guitar. Catra plays solitaire on her phone. Sea Hawk lights up a cigarette and they all share it. Even Catra has to admit, this isn’t too bad. She can get used to this.

—

After Catra left, there was a quiet, awkward tension in the room as Adora and Glimmer proceeded to unpack. Every attempt that Adora made at conversation, Glimmer politely shut down. After a while, she stopped trying, getting the hint that Glimmer needs some time to herself. For the most part, Adora regrets not going with Catra. It’s been an hour and she hasn’t returned, and she can only imagine what kind of things she’s getting up to. Anything is better than dealing with this uncomfortable silence.

Once Adora finishes unpacking, she climbs on her bed and debates how to spend the rest of her day. Exploring the school is an option. Better yet, she can take her class schedule and map out the perfect route to all of her classes, ensuring that she’ll be early to each one. Yeah, that doesn’t sound so bad.

In the middle of making these plans, her stomach growls. A quick glance at her clock tells her that it’s lunchtime; with all the excitement of moving in and the little confrontation between Catra and Glimmer, lunch was the last thing on her mind. She longingly thinks back to the muffin she’d eaten that morning and had been too nervous to finish. Stupid nerves.

She quickly glances over to Glimmer, who throws the last couple of things in her dresser before zipping up her suitcase. One more attempt couldn’t hurt, right? If the three of them are going to be roommates, they may as well be on good terms.

“I think I’m going to get some lunch,” Adora says, getting off her bed and stretching a bit. “Do you want anything?”

Glimmer looks at her, eyes wide, almost as if she’d forgotten that Adora was there. She looks as if she’s about to say something, but before she can, her stomach growls. The two laugh a bit, and Glimmer rubs the back of her neck. “Lunch actually sounds pretty good right now. Would it be okay if I joined you?”

“Not at all. It’d probably be easier if you direct me to the cafeteria anyway,” Adora notes, grabbing her student ID and sliding into her sneakers.

“Yeah, trust me, you do not want to get lost here.” Glimmer follows suit and exits first, holding the door open for Adora to follow. “I guess it’s not as big a deal today, but when classes start, being late is a huge no-no.”

“Good to know.” As Glimmer leads the way to the cafeteria, Adora notes to herself to go on that mapping-plan as soon as lunch is over.

They walk in silence for a few minutes, navigating the halls and narrowly avoiding students carrying their bags and various belongings. On the whole, it seems like most people have been at the school for a while; new students seem few and far between.

“Are you and Catra close?” Glimmer asks once they’ve made it past most of the chaos.

“We just met.” Though it certainly felt like they’d known each other for longer. There was something about her that Adora just couldn’t explain, but they’d clicked within minutes. “But she seems pretty cool.”

Glimmer sighs, sticking her hands in her pockets. “I’m sorry, about earlier. I didn’t mean to piss Catra off, and I really didn’t mean to come off so… uptight, I guess.” She pauses, blowing some hair out of her eyes. “It’s just that my parents own the school. If they suddenly walked in and my room smelled like cigarettes…” she trails off, biting her lip.

As Adora mulls it over, the worse she realizes the situation could have been. “No, yeah, that’s understandable,” she says. “I think she was just taken aback, is all.”

“No, she was rude,” Glimmer huffs before shaking her head and taking a deep breath. “It’s fine, I’ll get over it. I just don’t want us to be fighting all year.” She glances sideways at Adora. “Truce?”

Adora nods, resting a hand on Glimmer’s shoulder. “Truce. I’ll talk to Catra, get her to come around. I’m sure we’ll all be friends in no time.”

“Friends, right.” Something in her expression leads Adora to believe that she seriously doubts that, but she plays it cool and doesn’t press her on it. They arrive at the cafeteria, and for the most part, it’s pretty relaxed. Most people must still be in their dorms, unpacking.

Adora’s eyes immediately gravitate to the several dining options available, but because Glimmer heads towards the salad bar, she follows her. Better to stick to the status quo, at least for today. Maybe she can make some more adventurous choices for dinner.

Still, as she loads up her plate with mixed greens, she can’t help but think of the chicken Mara had been marinating last night for this evening’s dinner. Maybe she could sneak back home? No. No, that was ridiculous. Adora belongs to Bright Moon now, and Bright Moon dancers eat salad, apparently. Most of the other girls seem to be eating various forms of the same green meal, so she sucks it up and attempts to load her plate.

By the time she’s finished and has paid with her student ID, her plate holds twice the amount as Glimmer’s. Glimmer glances over at her plate, almost with a look of longing, but she says nothing as she scours for the perfect place to sit. “I think I see some of my friends over there,” she notes, waving to a group of girls sitting at a table by a window. “Do you mind if we sit with them?”

Adora shrugs. Meeting more people is good. Meeting the competition is even better. “Sure. Makes no difference to me.”

“Great.” They head over to the table. The closer they get, the more at-ease Glimmer appears to be. Her shoulders relax and her steps grow slower. By the time they reach the table, she seems like a completely different person.

“This is one of my roommates,” Glimmer introduces, gesturing to Adora before sitting next to a blonde girl.

“Adora.”

The blonde speaks first, offering Adora a kind smile. “I’m Perfuma. Are you new this year?”

“Guess it’s kind of obvious.” Adora takes a seat at the end of the table, on the other side of the blonde.

There’s two other girls, but they don't seem nearly as interested in Adora’s introduction. One has earphones in, only half paying attention to the conversation. When Perfuma kicks her, she groans and presses pause on her phone, reluctantly taking out a headphone. “It was just getting to the good part.”

Perfuma clears her throat, a tight smile appearing on her face. “Your murder mystery podcast can wait. We have company.”

Podcast girl glances at Adora. “I’m Mermista. Welcome to Bright Moon, or whatever.”

Mermista is a fitting name; part of Adora wonders if it’s a stage name. Her hair is a dusty turquoise color, almost as if she really were a mermaid. It’s on the tip of her tongue to ask about it, but judging by her short temper, Adora figures it’s probably best saved for another time.

“And I’m Frosta.”

Adora glances at the girl sitting next to Mermista, balking a bit. She’s a kid. “You go here?” she asks, her eyes wide. “You can’t be more than ten.”

Frosta narrows her eyes. “I’m eleven and three quarters.”

A course of laughter rings around the table. Glimmer shakes her head, resting her chin in her palm. “Frosta’s a prodigy. She’s part of the youth program.”

“But she talks like a sailor and can dance around us anyday, so we think she’s cool,” Mermista adds, nudging Frosta’s shoulder. This earns her a grin from the little girl, before she turns her gaze back on Adora with a smug expression.

“Problem?”

Adora holds her hands up in apology. “Sorry, my bad. I’m still trying to get my footing around here,” she mumbles, digging her fork into her salad.

Someone rests a hand on her shoulder— it’s Perfuma. “Did you get settled in okay? The first day can be kind of… a challenge.”

“And that’s without classes,” Glimmer agrees.

“Yeah, it’s been a lot. But I’m sure it’ll be better once I get into a routine.”

Mermista scoffs, dashing Adora’s hopes. “Don’t think that a routine will solve everything. Things are crazy at this school.”

“Mermista,” Perfuma chides, but the blue-haired girl just shrugs.

“Just being honest.” She glances down when her phone chimes, scowling immediately. She stuffs it in her pocket before tossing her braid behind her back. “I’m going to block his number, I swear.”

Glimmer raises a brow. “Sea Hawk again? I thought you guys were back on at the end of the year.”

“Yeah, we’re off again. For good this time.” As soon as she says it, a chorus of snickers rings out around the table, and Mermista slams her hands down to emphasize her point. “I mean it this time. We’re through.”

“That’s what you always say,” Frosta says before rolling her eyes.

“Sea Hawk is Mermista’s boy— sorry, ex-boyfriend,” Glimmer tells Adora once she sees her confused expression. “Give them like ten minutes, you’ll be as sick as the rest of us.”

As they continue to argue over Mermista’s dating situation, Adora busies herself with her salad. Her mind spins, and she can’t help the overwhelmed sensation building in her throat. It’s a little all too much. New school, new room, new people… she knew it would happen, but she thought she’d be introduced to them all a little slower.

Adora thinks about Catra, for a moment. It was easy, meeting her. Maybe it’s because Catra’s new too, but everything felt a little better when she was talking to her. Like she understood her, or something. Here, among all the girls who already knew everything, it’s a little too easy to let it get to her head. “Hey, you okay?” Adora looks up from her salad, only to find the table staring at her.

She chokes down her bite of salad, laughing nervously. “Yeah, I’m fine. Perfuma was right, the first day is just kind of a lot.”

“It’ll be better once you start dancing,” Frosta pipes up. She spears a piece of baby corn onto her fork, waving it around as she talks. “When you start to wipe the floor with people, you’ll feel better.”

Adora can’t help but laugh at the thought. If anyone is going to be wiping the floor tomorrow, it’ll be Catra. For some reason, the thought puts a smile on her face.

—

Catra doesn’t return to her dorm until long after dinner. She ended up tagging along with Bow and Sea Hawk on a McDonalds run, where they bought far too many french fries and returned to the dorm to watch that night’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy because Bow insisted he could not miss it.

All in all, it wasn’t the worst day she’s ever had. Spending time with Bow and Sea Hawk took the bitter taste out of her mouth, and Catra finds herself looking forward to classes the next day.

She fully expects Adora and Glimmer to be asleep by the time she unlocks the door. As soon as she opens it, however, she finds them sitting on the floor, waiting for her.

“Hey! You’re back,” Adora greets with a smile. “We were getting worried.”

Catra nearly snaps at her, a jerk reaction, but she catches herself right before she says it. “Thanks for the concern. I’m fine, I was just… out.”

“Did you eat? We brought back brownies from the cafeteria.” That explains the smell. For some odd reason, Catra is one of the few people in the world who detests chocolate. It’s too sweet, almost cloying. Whenever she eats it, she gets a headache. Probably explains why she’s so bitter.

“I ate already. But… thanks.” It’s the least she can say, considering the effort. She’s sure that it’s all thanks to Adora. Glimmer would probably rather she choke.

Catra keeps her back turned as she changes into her pajamas and lets her hair down. There’s an uncomfortable silence in the room, clearly brought on by her presence. For the most part, she ignores it. After years of practice, she’s grown rather good at it.

At some point, while she’s brushing her teeth in the ensuite, she hears Adora and Glimmer whisper. Glimmer yelps in pain, before she hisses something back to Adora. When she enters again, Adora has her arms crossed and Glimmer appears apologetic. “I’m sorry, if I was… too harsh earlier,” Glimmer says reluctantly. Catra finds her apology amusing. Her face is nearly as pink as her hair, and it’s clear that she’d rather be anywhere else but apologizing to her. “Next time I’ll be more considerate.”

She pauses, as if waiting for Catra to apologize in return, but Catra offers nothing of the sort. Instead she just grins. “Good. So, can I smoke in here?”

“No! Are you insane?” Adora rests a hand on her shoulder, keeping her from continuing. Instead, she takes a deep breath. “Look, we don’t have to be friends, but we do have to live together. So can we at least, I don’t know, be civil?”

Instead of replying to Glimmer, Catra glances at Adora. “This your doing?”

Adora scoffs. “No.” When Catra’s look doesn’t waver, she pouts. “Maybe. But she’s right. It’s a new year, and I don’t want to start it with roommates fighting. If Glimmer agrees to chill a little bit, do you think you could ease up on the teasing?”

She’s about to say no, but there’s something about Adora that makes Catra’s words lodge in her throat. It’s that damn pout. No matter how hard she shakes it, it’s just too damn cute.

Catra sighs. “Fine. Truce.”

Adora’s look of utter relief almost makes the agreement worth it. Almost. She climbs up onto her bed, taking her phone with her. Bow’s sent her a text, wishing her a good night’s sleep before tomorrow. Right, classes start tomorrow. Her roommate problems may be dealt with, but classes introduce a whole slew of new ones.

Catra rolls over to her side, letting out a shaky breath. She’s earned her place here. Or so she tries to tell herself. Tomorrow, she’ll find out for certain.

[mollymauk-teafleak]

A Gentleman’s Guide to Dancing (chapter three)

I am so very sorry this has been such a long time coming. It’s a Taakitz Austen/Little Women style AU in case anyone’s forgot, I wouldn’t blame you!

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Please comment on Ao3!

Chapters: 1, 2, 3

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“You know he actually invited you, right?”

Taako looked up from fussing with his lapels. Caught between dressing overly formally and overly casually, he’d ended up with an outfit that was a bastardisation of both, trousers with a hole in the knee on the bottom and a poet’s shirt with an absurd amount of ruffles on top. He was trying not to think about how ridiculous he looked, trying to convince himself that if he could get the lapels of his jacket to lie flat, that would fix it.

“What?” his amber eyes were sharp as they faced his sister, sat on the stairs and watching him pace by the door. Too sharp but she’d hit right at the heart of him and it stung. Easier to pretend he didn’t know that and act affronted.

“Kravitz invited you over to the manor,” Lup said patiently, like she was explaining one of the spells she’d mastered and he hadn’t gotten yet, “You don’t have to be so nervous about it. He wants you there.”

“Who says I’m nervous?” Taako sniffed though he knew fne well it was his shaking hands and his restless feet and the twenty minutes he’d spent pacing in front of the door that all said it, loud and clear.

Lup only sat forward, her chin resting on her knuckles and her elbows resting on her knees. Her smile was lopsided, the one they shared.

“What is it you’re going over to do?”

“He...he said we’d have tea,” Taako mumbled, back to fussing with his jacket, “He’d teach me chess. And...and he mentioned something about composing his own music when he was hear the other day. He said he’d play me some.”

Lup’s face lit up with a knowing delight Taako didn’t like at all. He was starting to regret telling her about how the Countess’ ward had come to visit him, how they’d baked together. He’d known she’d read things on it that weren’t really there.

You want her to, a sly, truthful part of his mind he’d never gotten along with chimed in, you want to know she sees it too, so you can tell yourself you’re not going crazy.

“Don’t,” Taako said, to Lup and to the voice, turning away to the leaded glass in the door, the blocky, poor painting it made of the country beyond it.

“I didn’t say anything, Koko,” Lup hummed, the smile still in her voice, “I just think it’s nice how you’ve made friends with this guy. You haven’t really clicked with anyone since you first met Merle and Magnus. Poor Barry thought you hated him for a full year.”

Taako grunted, “I never hated him…” If the blacksmith courting his sister had read any animosity in his face whenever he’d return her hime far past dark or would kiss her hand when he thought no one was looking, that was his prerogative.

But, he had to admit, he’d softened on the guy lately. It was hard to stay so cold with someone who made your other half smile in a way you’d thought you’d never see again.

“I know that,” Lup said, “It’s just good to see you letting someone else in. And Kravitz seems really nice. Not like you at all but...nice.”

Taako bristled a little, like a cat being petted against the grain of his fur, “Since when is he Kravitz to you?”

“Since we spoke,” Lup shrugged airily, “Just yesterday actually.”

“What?” he whirled, sending his enormous hat slipping over one eye and leaving him to find some dignified way to fix it.

Lup ignored his tone, examining a small hole in her skirt, “I was going to take Barry some lunch at the shop and he was  coming back from the post office. I was worried he’d thought I was you but he knew immediately. Thought that was strange, no one’s been able to do that on sight since Auntie. He was jumping at every cart and carriage going past like an owl in daylight, bless his heart, but he stopped and talked to me for a while. Managed to mention you a few more times than was strictly necessary.”

The corner of her mouth quirked up at that, like a rising inflection, turning it into a trailing thread. Taako scrunched up his nose in response.

“I mean...yeah, he’s nice. He just seems lonely and he was nice enough to visit so I’m returning the favour. Probably be so bored stiff I won’t ever go back but I have to take him up on the invitation at least once. It’s courtesy. That’s all.”

“No one ever said it wasn’t,” Lup replied with maddening patience. Have fun. When you eventually get past the threshold. Which looks like it will be sometime around...never?”

Taako made a strangled noise of exasperation and indignance, sticking his nose in the air and whirling out of the door, just to show that he could. It was only when he was halfway down the path, their Auntie’s lavender plants grown so tall they were tickling his fingertips, that he realised what his sister had done to goad him out of his spiral.

Lup only grinned at him and fluttered her fingers when he made a very rude gesture at her through the window before stomping off in the direction of the big manor. Her smile didn’t fade when the tip of his ridiculous hat had disappeared below the rise of the valley. It just shifted, changed slightly, softened into something that was no less of a smile but felt deeper and sadder.

She remembered how it had felt for her, right at the start. The defensiveness and the doubting and the uncertainty. Dodging and diverting when thoughts strayed too close to where you didn’t want them to go. And then, finally, when you were cornered and had nowhere to go, the crushing realisation that you were falling for someone you weren’t supposed to.

She could only hope it wouldn’t hurt her brother too badly.

It had been so long since Taako had lived somewhere with servants that he jumped a little when someone who wasn’t Kravitz answered the door to the manor. Already on the back foot, he stammered out that he’d been invited, sounding more unconvincing with every word. There was a chilly silence, while the elven butler looked him up and down, taking in his mismatched outfit and the blush rising on his skin, before eventually admitting in a slow, sonorous voice that Master Raven was expecting him. Everything about his expression told Taako loudly and clearly that, if this weren’t the case, he would have been gladly tossed off the premises as soon as he stepped on their porch.

He was shown to the same library from the night of the party, tucked cunningly away so it could never be found unless the flat oaken door was pointed out to you. Or unless you staggered in on pure, desperate happenstance.

“Taako!” Kravitz got to his feet as soon as he walked in, his face lit up so brightly it was hard for the elf to tell himself he wasn’t genuinely delighted to see him.

“Hey there,” he grinned back, it was hard not to, and grasped his forearm in greeting, “Sorry, I know we said midday, I got caught up with, ah…”

“Oh it’s absolutely fine,” Kravitz tilted his head, saving Taako from having to come up with something that delayed him that wasn’t his own anxiety, “You’re here now and I don’t have to crawl the walls with boredom any more. At least, not by myself.”

As before, his easy humour and earnestness had Taako relaxing despite himself. Enough that, after tea had been sent for and Kravitz had turned the blinds to gentle the afternoon sun into a pleasing ambery gold glow in the library, he was actually glad he’d come.

“You spend a lot of time here, huh?” Taako sank into the same chair he’d occupied at the party, “That’s the second time you’ve talked about being bored.”

Kravitz shrugged, sitting back down, lounging in a very unlordly way. It gave Taako the confidence to tuck his own legs underneath him and sprawl in the way he liked to do, very different from the stiff backed position he had to hold himself in around the other gentry.

“I sound like I’m complaining, don’t I?” he sighed, “I don’t mean to, it’s only that Mistress never leaves the manor and I’d walked the length of the village in less than a morning. The fault is mine, most likely, I’m struggling to adjust to a...well, a quieter pace of life than the cities.”

Taako blinked curiously, plucking a horse from the chess set between them and fidgeting with it, “So...you’ve been to Goldcliff? And Rockport? All those places?”

Kravitz nodded, “All of them. It’s wonderful being in amongst so many people, this messy tangle of so many different lives. You could meet a hundred different stories just by walking through the squares. And they’re unique too, each one has its own rhythm. When you’re there, you know there’s nowhere else like it in the world. Nowhere has ale like you find in Rockport, only in Goldcliff can you find that kind of architecture, it’s amazing. But it isn’t just the cities! There’s wonders all between them, like the elven forests and the red canyons and the deserts and thousands of little villages and towns between, unlike anywhere else. And even though you’re sad to leave each one, you get the excitement of knowing you’ll experience it all again, finding somewhere new. And…” his ears darkened and his smile slipped, “And I’ve been talking for too long, haven’t I?”

Taako blinked, shaking himself out of the visions Kravitz’s words had been painting around him, “No, no, it’s fine. I...I was enjoying listening to you. I’ve never been anywhere like that myself, after all. I’ve never been beyond the valley.” It made him feel foolish to say so, in front of someone so travelled.

Kravitz smiled softly, “You’d love it Taako. And they’d love you.”

That was so absurd, he snorted aloud, before blushing and covering his mouth behind a hand, as if that would erase the embarrassment.

But Kravitz didn’t seem concerned by the social faux pas, though something was creasing his brow and deepening his dark eyes, “You don’t believe me.”

Taako’s ears came down to bracket his face, “It’s just...people can maybe take a few hours with me at the most and then the shine kind of comes off the old penny. You know, words like ‘acerbic’ and ‘vexing’ start coming out, the polite, high society ways of saying I’m annoying. And then I normally do something ridiculous to make them out and out hate me before everything can just fall apart in that slow, agonising kind of way. Don’t want to even think about how I’d embarrass myself in somewhere like Goldcliff.”

Kravitz was still and silent, long enough that Taako was worried he’d just gone and done that ‘something ridiculous’ without even realising it. They both jumped out of their skins when the knock at the door sounded, the servant with their tea. As it was all laid out before them, piece by black enamelled piece, agonisingly slow, Taako sank further and further into the chair, feeling his skin take flame and wondering if he could bolt out of the door left open by the butler. But the whole time, those dark eyes were fixed on him, curious and impossible to read beyond that.

When the door closed again after Kravitz’s quiet thank you, he spoke in his same soft tones and Taako realised he’d only been choosing his words with a careful exactness.

“But what about me, Taako? I enjoy your company more and more each time I see you. And I can’t imagine my opinion ever changing, when I know you better.”

Taako felt for a moment as if he couldn’t breathe. His hands fluttered anxiously, reaching for a teacup then thinking better of it, going to the sugar, the milk, even with nothing to put them in. After a moment, they found Kravitz’s own, bumping into each other like it was a simple coincidence. But then Kravitz squeezed his gently, allowing them to shake in his sure grip. It could be a gesture of comfort from one friend to another.

Or it could not.

What about you indeed?

Taako swallowed, risking a glance up at Kravitz who still had that gentle smile on his face, like all he wanted to do was help. Like he meant it all with a pure earnestness Taako had never encountered with anyone else. It was what relaxed him when he’d first stepped into the library, this time and the last, but now he felt like what was going to break him apart.

He could have said so many things when his mouth fell open but good sense finally prevailed and in a slightly hysteric voice he barked out, “So chess, huh?”

Kravitz blinked, looking dismayed for a fraction of a second when the elf snatched his hands back.

“Gonna teach me how to play?” he grinned, practised at throwing up smiles to mask panic and distress, “You promised.”

“I...I did, didn’t I?” Kravitz followed his lead, though his smile wasn’t as practised, some of the confusion and maybe even a little bit of hurt showing around the edges, “Though you must promise not to get better than me, let me keep my dignity for a few days at least?”

Taako tilted his head, smirking, “Well, we’ll just have to see. I’m making no promises…”

He didn’t have to, not at the start. For a few games, he was beaten fairly resoundingly while the rules sank in. Taako was grateful for it, as much as he didn’t like losing. The strategy and remembering all the rules through a sugary fog of strong tea helped keep his mind off how soft Kravitz’s skin had felt against his own, how cool and pleasant it had been, how just an inch would have slid their fingers through each other in such a perfectly fitting pattern than nothing could have made them let go, not if they didn’t want to.

But thoughts like that were unacceptable. So he thought of knights and rooks and little black and white squares and how to mage hand Kravitz’s pieces off the board and to his side so he might believe he’d taken more than he had. The last never worked, Kravitz would only laugh and steal his pieces back with quick and clever hands when Taako was distracted.

And before too long, only one and a half games in, it was as if it had never happened. Almost. A traitorous part of Taako’s mind was still thinking how the cool ebony of his pieces didn’t feel all that different from Kravitz’s hand. But almost was good enough.

Eventually, when the tea was just black speckled dregs in the bottom of their cups, Taako got to his feet.

“I should head back,” he noted the colour of the sky, far darker than he’d meant to let it get, “My sister will be wondering where I am. She’s a terrible grump when she gets hungry.”

“Of course,” Kravitz nodded politely, rising to show him to the door like a good gentleman, “Will I...I mean, you know you’re welcome any time?”

There was a nervousness in his voice that he wasn’t even trying to hide, a careful hopefulness like he was telling himself not to get too excited. And Taako knew he was thinking about that moment where their hands had touched and he’d spoken so tenderly, worrying and wondering if it had been too much. Wondering if he’d ruined something good.

Taako knew that feeling. He straightened the front of his jacket and smiled, fully, so the gap in his teeth would show.

“Of course I’ve got to come back. I almost had you at the end there, I’m not giving up until I have victory.”

The relief that flooded over Kravitz’s face was so genuine and real it was hard for Taako to look for a moment, “Then I shall have to practise…”

Taako very deliberately didn’t think about what that meant as they made their polite, formal goodbyes and he was turned back out into the air, grown cold and thick now evening had fallen and stolen the thin warmth of the winter sun. The walk back to their house felt longer now than it had in the opposite direction.

And as he walked Taako thought of what he would make for their supper with what little was left in the pantry, he thought of checks and pawns and how white always moved first, he thought of stalemates.

But that annoying little part still whispered what about him?

Taako did go back, every day for the next week and every time it got easier. Worryingly, maddeningly easier.

The next time, Kravitz presented him with a small, elegantly decorated package with the stamp of a Goldcliff bakery on the top. Inside were perfectly baked, exquisitely formed macarons, shining with sugar and even coloured coal black. Taako laughed aloud at that and quickly comforted Kravitz when his expression turned stricken, he’d only been appreciating his commitment to a theme.

Taako had read about the high class bakeries and lauded restaurants you could find across the continent, mostly from his cookery books. But he’d never thought to actually taste anything from one of them before, their wares were expensive. Taako didn’t even want to think about what it would have cost to have even these few cookies sent to their little valley. There was a lot of it he didn’t want to think about.

He didn’t want to bite into it and break the magic of that perfect almond scented shell but he was so glad when he eventually did, blackberries thick and rich on his tongue. High on joy and sugar, he’d gone on for nearly an hour about flavour balance and texture and how recipes travelled from place to place and shifted from being only for the rich to being everyday staples. A hundred times he told himself to shut up, that he’d gone on for far too long and Kravitz was bored stiff. But somehow he didn’t think so, seeing how he still leaned forward with his eyes wide and open, his mouth turned up in an admiring smile.

And when he brought one of the macarons home for Lup, she’d given him a smirk that had made him blush and make an excuse to leave the room.

The next time Taako turned up at the door holding a folder that looked like moths had been at it for decades. It wouldn’t be far wrong, give or take a few years. As soon as Kravitz saw it, the apologies came tumbling from Taako’s lips, it was stupid, it was just some old trash, he’d happily throw it in the fire right now if he wanted. But slowly, surely, Kravitz got out of him that it was a collection of sheet music he’d found in the attic, it had belonged to his Auntie. She’d loved to play piano, he said, eyes firmly fixed on his feet, drenched in snowmelt. And now she was gone, Taako had just thought he might like them. Most of the songs were in Elvish, it was old and probably boring and, gods, he’d never even asked what instrument you play…

He’d been well and truly worked up when Kravitz had gasped, the folder open in his lap. His eyes had been wide as a child presented with a jar full of sweets, his jaw dropped, fingers gentle as he stroked the yellowed pages with their carefully printed notes. He’d thanked Taako so sincerely and softly, like those brittle sheafs of songs waiting to be wrought in pulls and snaps of those clever fingers were a gift worth every bit as much as those macarons, maybe even more.

And Taako had suddenly been so glad he’d spent the entire morning digging the music out and had turned up to tea late and with dust clumps in his braid, just for the look on his face.

Kravitz had given him something of the world beyond their valley so Taako gave him something wholly from it, from a part that meant a lot to him. Kravitz’s gift said there is a place for you out there, Taako’s said there is a place for you here. And both learned something more about themselves.

The next day, Kravtiz brought it together so beautifully by finally playing for Taako.

The answer to what instrument he played was apparently all of them, there was a room of the manor entirely given over to them all. A sleek black grand piano ruled as king but it had a flock of attendants, a flute, a violin, a chello, even instruments Taako couldn’t name. It was practically a museum to every form and shape of music all over the world, as much a testament to where Kravitz had travelled as his stories.

Kravitz watched his face carefully, his grin spreading as he saw his awe. And then he’d guided Taako to sit on the piano bench, lovingly taken the violin down from it’s stand and stood before him, not like someone would if they were performing for an audience but something softer and more vulnerable, more intimate. That word, even spoken in Taako’s own mind, made him tense a little but there was just no other word for it. He was being let in to something that used to be a secret, doors opening to him that hadn’t opened before. Just like when Kravitz had stumbled into his kitchen and he’d allowed him to stay, this was Kravitz showing a part of himself that had grown so comfortable in hiding.

This was what let Kravitz be himself in a world that told him he couldn’t.

And he did it so well. Taako knew his Auntie had loved music, she’d played the guitar out on the porch on soft summer nights while Taako and Lup would chase each other through the meadows out the back of the house. Listening to Kravitz made him feel a way that was the same and different, all at once. The notes and instrument and hands were different but it was the same feeling of his chest opening wide enough to hold anything it wanted. The same feeling that this moment would go on forever and there would never need to be anything else.

But Taako didn’t want this moment to go on forever. As he sat and listened to the high, swooping notes shivering on their strings and melting together into something beautiful as Kravitz flexed his fingers and drew his bow back and forth, he wanted it to grow. He wanted more.

The song ended before Taako was ready and there were a few reasons his eyes were wet, some he’d be willing to say and some he’d rather die than speak out loud. Kravitz looked at him shyly, a man with his heart on display as recklessly as a child, and asked what he thought. Taako smiled, wiped his eyes on his sleeve and asked why Kravitz bothered studying magic when he could do something more magical than he’d ever seen in a book. He blushed the way he did everything, handsomely, and grinned in delight. They didn’t move from the music room for the rest of the day, Kravitz explaining how each instrument works and showing more of his compositions, excitedly taking Taako through nearly every note and why he’d placed it that way, showing him the thought and care in every song. Taako didn’t leave the manor until the sun had gone down, far later than was strictly socially acceptable for two young men to be alone together.

Taako had fallen asleep that night with soft, beautiful music wandering around his mind rather than worries and uncertain deadlines and murky futures.

Through it all, every day, there were chess games, around their moments of growing closeness. Taako got better quickly, picking up the rules and seeing strategies and plays he wouldn’t have noticed before. He learned Kravitz’s style, clever and strategic but predictable, and started to answer with his own, slightly manic, high risk high reward approach. With this he began to see ways to win, though few and far between, openings and paths and attacks he could nudge into motion and steal his first victory.

But he never did. Not once. And every game would end with the same joke, that he’d just have to come back tomorrow, that he wouldn’t give up until he’d won a game.

Their days together were full of ways out that neither of them took.

Taako wondered how the old black manor house had ever made him nervous. When it decided to remind him, it came as a nasty shock.

He no longer felt the need to be ferried from place to place by the sour elven butler, when he needed the bathroom, he just got up, announced the fact and flounced out of the door. Kravitz hadn’t minded, sat in the window seat to get the best of the pale afternoon sunlight and wiping rosin off his violin strings, only made him promise not to get in trouble on the way there and back.

“Who do you think you’re talking to?” Taako snorted, golden hair bouncing as he shook his head.

He managed to be half right, nothing happened on the way there, despite him happily wandering through a mansion that wasn’t his own in just his socks, his shirt opened two buttons from the top because he liked to sit close to the fire like a cat but despised sweating, humming one of Kravitz’s songs. It was on the way back that he ran into the trouble.

One moment Taako was wandering the halls, eager to get back to Kravitz and hear him tune. He loved that part, even though it wasn’t music, he loved listening to Kravitz find the notes in the discord and steer it towards something perfect and clear and pure. He loved listening to the journey.

One moment he was walking. And the next moment, there was a ghost at the end of the corridor he’d just walked into. He only just managed not to scream and was proud of himself for that but he did jump noticeably.

“Master Taco,” the ghost took a slow step forward and became an almost impossibly tall woman in what seemed to be a flowing mourning dress and a gossamer thin veil covering her face. Except it wasn’t her face. It was a perfectly circular, bright white china mask, painted with a delicately beautiful but otherworldly face. There was no ornament to her except a silver bird skull worn around her cloth wrapped throat, “How wonderful to finally meet you.”

“Countess Raven…” Taako stammered. Now that a few seconds had passed, he was honestly less disturbed by her appearance than her seeing the hole in his sock that one toe was poking through. It was hard to find someone who dressed like this intimidating when you spent all of your free time with your new best friend who wore black silks and rings with silvered skulls set into them.

“I have heard much about you from my ward,” Actually no, it was a little spooky to hear a voice and see no lips moving as she walked towards him, seeming to hover across the carpet because her skirt covered her shoes and there was barely a whisper in it, “I only regret how long it has taken us to meet in person. Please, join me in my parlour if you would.”

She moved to a door just between them, a gloved hand appearing from the folds of her dress to turn the handle. Taako shivered, what were the chances they just happened to meet right outside the room she wanted him to enter? Had she been watching him? All of a sudden the rumours that surrounded this sorceress and the possibility of eyes in the walls prickled the wrong way up his spine.

But then he told himself he was being foolish. He reminded himself of what this woman was to Kravitz and everything she’d done for him. And he followed her through the door.

It was a surprisingly cosy room, for it’s darkness. There was a fire, like there was in every one of these high ceilinged rooms, filling the space with it’s merrily crackling voice. There were books lining the walls in towering shelves, the spines showing a multitude of languages. There were candles, their scents of clove and citrus peel buoying the smell of burning wood into something very pleasant. All the furniture was in dark wood, expensive and ornate. And of course there was a chess set, old and dented, set on a side table. Taako imagined the countess teaching a younger Kravitz to play and smiled.

“I promise I won’t keep you from my ward for very long,” her voice was smooth and not marred at all by age, “I simply felt it improper that we hadn’t been formally introduced yet, with you spending so much time with him.”

Taako flushed and didn’t take a seat when she did, standing and holding one arm like a schoolboy dragged before the headmaster. The word ‘improper’ was what stopped him in his tracks, pinned him awkwardly like a butterfly under glass, one of a host of words that pricked him in his nightmares. There was a lot about how he thought of Kravitz that fit the description, only in his own head of course though he was wondering just how much those hidden eyes could know.

“I mean...he has become a good friend to me, my lady,” Taako cleared his throat, one hand going to his throat to hold his shirt together but there was nothing he could do about his lack of shoes, “I am simply...we share some interests and…”

“I think you have misunderstood me, Master Tacco,” she saved him from his miserably stumbling, politely interjecting, “I brought you here to thank you.”

Taako blinked, uncertain he’d heard her, “Thank me?”

She seemed to choose her words carefully, just as Kravitz always did. The longer he was in her presence, the more similarities Taako could see between them.

“My ward is a very accomplished gentleman,” the countess said, the tone in her voice barely shifting, “Witty and talented and kind natured. Powerful too, gifted in his magic. And yet he struggles to connect with people, to make friends as it were. I fear this is something he inherited from myself, or else something I neglected to teach him. There is a natural loneliness to him that easily turns to sadness on his darker days.”

Taako could see that. It was the same sadness inside him, though Kravitz clearly preferred to turn inwards to it, whereas Taako grew louder and louder to drown it out. He suspected neither of them were very successful.

“I will not tell you how he came to be my ward, that is his own tale to tell. I haven’t told you anything you didn’t already know, I think,” something behind the arctic cold mask sparkled that might have been her eyes, it was hard to say, “But I worry about him. I worry there are things I cannot save him from. Though, Master Tacco, you seem to have that power.”

Taako felt his face redden more, clearing his throat, “I...I wouldn’t call it a power, my lady, I just...I just care about him. There is no effort in it.”

“Even one such as me can see that. And this is why I wanted to thank you, Taako. I wanted to thank you for seeing him, as he is, and letting him in.”

“Ah, well…” Taako felt like those painted eyes were staring into him, past his skin, seeing things that he hadn’t wanted anyone to see. And yet she didn’t seem angry or disgusted or even surprised.

“And if I may be so bold, as I often am...I encourage you to let him do the same. I have seen the way he looks at you, I have heard how he speaks of you. Forgive an old lady dispensing wisdom where it hasn’t been asked for but I do wonder if you both couldn’t find a deal of happiness in each other. Or at least...a fulfilment. An understanding. Something to fill a need you share.”

Taako didn’t know how much more he could take, his pulse racing and palms sweating. Was he reading too much into it? Making ridiculous leaps and bounds between her words? Gods, what did she want him to say?

“But I am rambling. I’ve kept you from him for too long, you may return to the library, Master Tacco. Thank you for indulging me and...think on what I’ve said or dismiss it as you see fit,” with a movement of her hand, the door swung open again.

Most of Taako wanted to flee through it as soon as it revealed itself, some wanting to keep running right out the door and back to his safe, familiar house and his safe, familiar hiding places, to check the king and win the game. But there was still that one little bit...and wasn’t it always that which got him into trouble?

Instead of running, he bowed poliety and summoned up every scrap of bravery he had, which really wasn’t very much at all but proved just enough to say, “I will think about it, my lady. I promise.” And to mean it.

The smooth, bone mask inclined in a satisfied nod, “Then return to your chess, Master Tacco. I hope you and Kravitz can find what you seek.”

With a nod, Taako ducked out of the Countess’ parlour and continued down the halls, taking a few wrong turns in his distraction and ending up somewhere he didn’t mean to be. It was only because the sound of his footfalls changed so much when he stumbled out onto the polished wood that he noticed he was standing in the ballroom from the night of the rout not that long ago.

It was jarring to see it empty, at first, when last time it had been so full and rich with music, fine silk and candlelight. It was like a chest with no heart and lungs, bare and empty and devoid of its purpose. For a moment, Taako was frozen by the horror of being somewhere he wasn’t meant to be.

But he was also alone, no one to scorn him or cast him out. So he gave himself a moment, stepping across the parquet flooring, looking up at the grand chandelier with it’s drips of wax frozen in time and the black, sleek arches of the ceiling. He’d run from it before so it was nice to be able to appreciate it, away from the eyes and cold, cruel, polite smiles that had driven him away.

Some of the bravery still lingering, Taako made slow, spiraling circles and imagined a very different party in the same hall. He imagined Lup there, in her best dress but brand new and with no subtle mending, Barry on her arm, the two of them dancing happily. He imagined his friends, Magnus and Merle and Lucretia and Davenport, laughing and making their jokes, louder and far more fun than would ever normally be allowed somewhere like that. The Countess Raven perhaps, if she wanted, sitting in a chair and watching it all from behind her mask.

And Kravitz. Kravitz smiling and holding himself proudly, his eyes bright as Taako took his arm and adoration clear on his handsome face. The two of them dancing, the way a man would with a woman, openly and freely with no need to hide, to music Kravitz had written, everyone able to see how beautiful it was. And how beautiful they were.

Taako stopped, suddenly finding his lower lip trembling and needing to focus so he could hold it at bay. The music faded in his ears and the faces of his friends dissipated, like snow on a breeze. He was alone again, in his socks and threadbare clothes playing at being luxury, with his two large ears and the gap in his front teeth.

He could think about it all he wanted, that much he’d promised. But it wouldn’t change the fact that he could want and want until his heart broke and it would never mean he would have it. Wanting couldn’t change the world, not in his experience. Wouldn’t it have happened by now, if it could? He’d been wanting for a long damn time, after all.

Taako gave a shuddery sigh and turned himself around, following the same route he’d taken that night to get back to the library, back to Kravitz and chess.

Because that much he was allowed.

A week. That was as long as they were allowed even that small happiness.

Because the end of the seventh day was when Taako shut the front door of Auntie’s house against the winter wind and gathering night, whistling as he unwound his scarf and hung it with his coat on the peg. He smiled, content and happy and full of warm tea and sugar, stepping out of his shoes and thinking of supper and how he would read by the fire, Lup’s feet in his lap and her fingers weaving a braid into his hair. And how another day just like it would be waiting for him tomorrow.

He knew something was wrong as he stepped into the kitchen. There was no fire in the hearth, it was cold and ashy. There was no light, no heat, no life in the house that hadn’t even lost its heart after Auntie died. Everything was quiet, the silence the ringing sort that filled the space, like the few seconds after being struck with a blow so hard it made everything rock and tip.

Lup was sat at the table, her eyes red and raw, her hands shaking as she folded and unfolded the letter with its stiff official paper and stark black type.

“Lulu?” Taako murmured, voice hollow already, even not knowing. But he could guess.

His sister slid the letter across to him, her chin setting in misery as that small action brought fresh tears. He picked it up and read, an action he struggled with at the best of times but even more so when his heart was hammering sickeningly and the words were ones he didn’t want to read.

The bank had run out of patience. They had a week to come up with the full amount to purchase the house before it became the property of the bank and they were trespassing on the floorboards they’d walked every day for the best years of their lives. The figure still left to pay was so far out of what they currently had, it may as well have been the number of stars in the sky.

“Taako,” Lup’s voice trembled, “What are we going to do?”

He couldn’t answer. He looked for those ways out now, the move he’d need to make to win this game but he couldn’t see it, it was impossible. He’d been doomed to fail from the start, doomed by his hesitance, his recklessness, his selfishness. He and his sister would be right back where they’d started their lives, homeless and without safety, scared and alone and exactly where he’d promised her they would never be again.

And what was he going to do?

Taako let the letter fall, looking at Lup helplessly, seeing the five minutes that made him the oldest stretch to an impossible distance between them, littered with all his broken promises. But not so far he couldn’t see the terror in her eyes.

What he did was what he’d always done when things had become difficult.

Taako turned on his heel and he ran.

[snarkwriteswrasslin]

FFT: Thoughts of Yesterdays

Ahhh. without your input, this would definitely not have come together like it did and for that, I owe you my life tbh. Either way, this is the first of a 3 act thing. And I really had a blast putting things together, making them kind sorta, maybe... work.

Obligatory Warnings:

cliche mafia!type setting. It’s not outright said, but. The hints are about as subtle as a sledgehammer. Overprotective father. Hints of a past fling between Gulak and this original character ( who conveniently does NOT have a name yet, meep) and swearing. Maaaybe some vaguely written smut in the future but for now? Issa little bit angsty here.

The Squad:

@kyleoreillysknee  | @chasingeverybreakingwave | @xwicker-manx | @rampagewriting  | @wrestlingismyguiltypleasure | @writertoo18 | @adampage | @cabotcoves | @schizoauthoress - huuuge hug to you too because you had a huuuuge hand in future events in this and ILY bb | @unabashedwrestlefics | @cowboyshit | @heelsamizayn | @missjenniferb | @dietwrestling 

[ wrestling tag list doc is here. if you’re not on it, you won’t be tagged unless I know / think you might like something I post. But probably not, just to play it safe. So if you want to be on it, pls go add yourself to that?]

Forgotten thoughts of yesterday  || Through my eyes I see the past - drift & die, puddle of mudd.

Seeing Drew again felt like slamming into a brick wall going 100+. He left without saying goodbye, just when I was starting to fool myself into thinking maybe getting out of the lifestyle I’d been raised in was possible. Maybe I could be happy… normal.

I hadn’t seen or heard from him since. Until tonight.

I lingered in the doorway of the formal dining room, trying to reign in my sense of shock at seeing him again after all this time.

He wasn’t looking at me, so I breezed in and took my usual seat, staring intently at the plate sat down in front of me. A time or two, I could feel his eyes on me but I didn’t dare look up. It just hurt too damn much and frankly, I didn’t know which part of this hurt worse… The fact that he left without a goodbye a few years ago or the fact that him being here meant that he was now working with my father and if memory served, he wanted to end organized crime, not get right in the middle of it.

,, you’re being childish. You really didn’t know him. Fucking repeatedly does not count. Falling in love with a stranger was never one of your smartest ideas and look where it got you back then.”  the thought taunted me and it only made me decide then and there to keep him at an arms length. To remind myself that as of tomorrow, I was going to start the process of getting away from this life, for good. I’d have to put everything behind me. But until I could, I definitely needed to keep him at arms length.

The tension at the table was so thick you could’ve plucked it out of air and when my father finally saw fit to join us in the second course of the meal, he broke the silence.

“I asked you here tonight Andrew, because tensions are rising and threats have been made against my family. I want you to guard my daughter.”

“With my life, sir.” as soon as he said the words, despite my best efforts, I felt my heart flutter a little. I kept my eyes trained down on my plate and my father turned in his chair to address me. “This means you will go nowhere without Andrew there. You cannot ditch him like you’ve ditched all the others. I’m being serious here, princess. You must stay close to him.”

“Fine, whatever. Is that all you wanted, sir? Because I have things to do. I have to pack for my trip.” I stood abruptly, shoving my chair beneath the dining table. I didn’t bother to glance over at Drew, because in my mind, not only had he possibly lied a few years ago when he blew into my life with all those plans and promises we made while tangled up in each other’s bodies at his old apartment.

,, you were young and naive. You have to know he never meant any of it, look how easily he disappeared. And now he’s back, and everything you thought you knew about him is completely changed. He’s one of your dad’s lackeys now. He’s not his own man, he’s not dismantling this fucked up system like he said he would. He’s a part of it, the violence and greed. He’s no different than your father.”  

“You’re leaving at 6, right?”

“I am, sir.”

“Good. Andrew will be waiting on you in the lobby at 5:30. If you’ll both excuse me, I have a meeting to get to.”

“Have fun robbing people blind and destroying lives.” I muttered mostly to myself as my father made a hasty retreat.

It left Drew and I alone in the room together and after a few seconds, I said the only thing I could manage to for the time being.

“I thought you wanted to put an end to this kind of shit. Not get right in the middle.” I shook my head after saying it and I turned, making my way out the door and for a second or two, Drew hesitated in the doorway in front of me, staring down at me like he wanted to say something… Do something.

“I’ll be waiting at 5:30.” he finally muttered, and I pushed past him, disappearing down the hallway, going straight back for the sanctuary that was my own suite of rooms. Once I was in my room, I flung myself across the California King in the middle of the room and I rolled onto my back, inhaling and exhaling.

Trying to calm down. Trying to puzzle all of this out. Wondering why in the hell he’d come back if he didn’t care enough to stay -or take me with him when he left, my brain threw in bitterly, the first time. I rubbed my temples and slipped out of bed, pacing in front of the floor to ceiling glass window, stopping to press my hand against the cool pane of glass as I stared down at the busy street below.

All I’ve ever wanted was him. Now he’s back and I’m smart enough to realize that what we had was probably only the heat of the moment and that it’s possible everything I ever believed about him was some kind of lie.

And that just made everything that came rushing back when I saw him standing there earlier that much harder to take. Because it kills me to admit this but even after finding out he’s apparently working with my father now, on the wrong side of the law in constant danger, I still want him.

After a few minutes, I reached for my cell phone and fired off a text to my friend Selene. I needed to see if she’d gotten the fake id and the other forged documents I was going to need for my escape.

→ We’re a go for tomorrow. You have my fake id and the passport and stuff, right?

← I got them earlier. Are you sure you want to do this? If you do this, you can’t just go back. You have to stay gone.

→ If I don’t do this then I’m a prisoner here. I’m trapped in this forever. I’m so tired of looking over my shoulder. I’m tired of my father playing dictator too. I want to gtfo before my father does some next level bullshit like arranging a marriage to broker peace. Or whatever cliche shit he can come up with to be like his idol Corleone.

← How’d it go meeting your new hired hunk? Think sleeping with this one will run him off?

→ Remember that guy? The one I thought I’d run away with? Yeah… Suffice to say, I have no interest now. I want out of this life. I don’t want anything sucking me back in. Ever.

← Holy shit? Seriously? He’s the new hired hunk? 

→ Apparently. Pretty sure this means my father is up to something. I mean it’s a little sus. All this time and that guy is the one he hires. 

← you don’t think he knows about you two being hot and heavy back then, do you?

→ it wouldn’t surprise me, but honestly? I don’t fucking care. As of tomorrow, I’m out of all this chaos.

← Did you at least try talking to the guy? Ask him why he left? Why your father hired him?

→ Now why would I go and do a thing like that? It’s not my business. Him and anything related to him being my business ended when I woke up in my bed alone and he vanished.

← How’d he look tonight though? ;)

→ Too fucking irresistable. But nope, that bridge is burned.

I closed the messages and settled in to bed. I had a long day ahead of me tomorrow, and if the past held true now, I was going to have my hands full trying to stay one step ahead of Drew just so I could slip away quietly and escape.

I was going to need my sleep, definitely.

[magicalgirlsromance]

I was feeling terribly anxious because I couldn’t find any Saint Tail fan fictions that I liked so had to write one myself. Enjoy this drabble!

MEETING PARENTS

Breath in. Breath out.

She looked at her reflection with fascination while getting her orange bangs out of her view as they reached her bright blue eyes which were framed with luscious black eyelashes. She was trembling with nervousness but apart from that she felt completely beautiful.

—There you go—said the sweet voice of her mama behind her, who was softly placing a thick fishtail braid on her left shoulder, small strands of hair were coming out from all along it while a few white flowers were strategically placed on it.—You look like a fairy from the woods—that comment made her face pink—I’m sure Asuka Jr. will be pleased tonight—and that comment turned her cheeks to a darker red shade.

Eimi Haneoka smiled as her only daughter was shyly shrugging her shoulders. This was not the first time that Meimi asked for her help since she started dating Asuka Jr. It’s already been two years and her daughter has taken one and each of their dates as seriously as the first one which meant that she would help Meimi to look her best every single time.

However, this night was special. This was the night in which Asuka Jr. finally would formally introduce Meimi as his girlfriend to his father. While she has let him meet her parents after 3 dates, Asuka Jr. was more reluctant to let his dad into his personal life. After the first year, Meimi was terribly worried that she had never spoken to the man as nothing more than a cute classmate of Daiki as he would call her when they had the rare chance to meet at their school and when she tried to push the subject on her boyfriend, his only response was that it did not make a difference.

—I love you and that’s enough for me. You don’t need to impress anyone.—he said while he continued devouring the content of his bento box.

She was satisfied with that but still she couldn’t quite understand why Daiki was so unattached to his dad. She couldn’t imagine not telling her parents all the exciting events that happened to her so why?

The doorbell rang and she suddenly stopped breathing.

—Let’s go Meimi, you don’t want to make him wait, do you?—Eimi laughed softly as she saw her daughter walk as stiff as a store mannequin would.

When Meimi reached the stairs in order to finally go to the ground floor of the house, she could hear how his dad and Asuka Jr. were having a conversation.

—I can assure you that we are working very hard to catch him, Mr. Haneoka.—that was her boyfriend’s voice which sounded as excited as whenever he had a chance to talk about his job—But he’s quite good and almost never leaves a clue behind.

—Reminds me of that girl thief. What was her name again? —Genichirou interrupted himself when he caught sight of Meimi going down the stairs.—Meimi! You look beautiful, dear!

Daiki, who hadn’t noticed her before, turned around. His face went red as usual.

Meimi couldn’t stop looking at the floor while she played nervously with her hands.—Go-good evening, Asuka Jr.

The boy agreed with Mr. Haneoka, he thought everything she was wearing tonight made her look almost unreal. The lemony summer dress..., her long hair falling on top of the creamy skin of her left shoulder…

He swallowed hard. God damn him. He was a teenager and he was starting to notice more than the pretty face of Meimi who was growing up beautifully.

His eyes were glued to the floor as well.—Hi…

The Haneoka couple smiled at each other. Eimi decided to give them a hand.—Well then, aren’t you guys supposed to go somewhere? It’s showtime!

Both teens froze but none of the adults seemed to notice.

—Le-let’s go, Meimi!

—Yes!

—Please take good care of Meimi for us!—Genichirou shouted from the main entrance of the Haneoka residence once the young couple had reached the corner of the street.

The girl brought her eyes up to see his broad back while he was walking in front of her, she smiled a little when she noticed his red ears.

—Hey...—the gentle voice of Daiki brought her back to Earth. He had turned around and now, he was offering her his hand to take.—I’m sorry, you know I’m not good when we are in front of more people…

Meimi’s smile grew.—I know, I’m not good either.

She did not expect the light embrace to which he had pulled her to. One of his manly hands was placed on the base of her head, pushing her so very lightly against his chest while he buried his nose in her floral-scented hair.

When they restarted their walking, Daiki adjusted to Meimi’s peace so they could still hold hands.

—So, dinner at your place, huh?—The girl smiled at him, trying not to look nervous.

—Yeah, my old man prefers to eat at home. He sort of likes cooking so dinner was prepared by him.—he blushed.— I just hope it doesn’t taste like feet.

—It won’t!—Meimi almost sang, lovingly squeezing his hand.— What did he say when you told him I was coming?

Asuka laughed nervously while scratching the back of his head with his free hand.—Well, he’s not expecting you!—his girlfriend looked at him all confused.— I told him… I was inviting someone to have dinner but… I didn’t specify?—Meimi lifted an eyebrow.

—Does this mean that I’m invited as a friend?—Asuka noticed that she started to sound irritated.

—I’m planning to tell him when we get there. Anyways, it would be weird to invite just any girl friend to have dinner with your father, wouldn't it?—he said in a knowing-it-all tone.— Even if I don’t tell him, he would figure it out, right?

—Asuka Jr….

—But I will tell him! Relax!—this time a loud laugh came out of him, just another way to demonstrate how nervous he was.

A few more minutes and they were in front of the Asuka household.

Without noticing, both teens breathed in deeply. Daiki searched for the keys in his pants’ pockets while letting go of Meimi’s hand.

The door opened without the need of any keys.

—I was expecting you.—Tomoki Asuka said to his son, cigarette in his mouth. The professional detective blinked when he noticed the young lady standing next to Daiki.

It seemed like Detective Asuka wasn’t able to connect the dots, that or he really was expecting an explanation from his son.

Meimi elbowed Daiki in his arm while her face started to grow red.

—Dad, this… this is…she is...—the boy pointed out at the redhead.—This is Meimi Haneoka.

At least one minute went by.

His father smiled while lifting an eyebrow, there was no need to be a professional detective to see that Haneoka’s face’s redness was caused by her contained fury.

He didn’t blame her, his son was quite stupid.

—Daiki, we have met before—clarified the adult, feeling like he wanted to laugh at his son’s expense but stopped out of respect for the girl .—It’s nice to see you again, miss Haneoka.

What was so hard about saying that this was his girlfriend?

—To what do we owe this pleasure?—he asked her, trying to push the answer out of them. This question was enough for Meimi to forget she was anger.

—A-aah, we-we-well...—Daiki’s father was surprised to realise that she was probably just as nervous as his son and not really ready to confess.

—Are you really gonna make me say it?— Asuka Jr grumbled.

—the what?—asked the detective, smiling innocently.

Meimi wanted to magically disappear, if only she still had her silk hat.

—She… she is… she...—it looked like Asuka Jr was about to explode at any point and so he did.— SHE’S MY GIRLFRIEND, OK?!!! STOP BEING SO ANNOYING, DAD!!!

Detective Asuka patted him on the shoulder while his kid was trying to catch his breath.—That wasn’t that bad.—he smiled at Meimi who was speechless. She knew Asuka Jr wasn’t good at admitting feelings in front of others, but never thought it would come to this when she woke up that morning. Her train of thought was interrupted by his boyfriend’s dad.—Please take care of him—he said to finally give her a respectful bow.

Asuka Jr. grumped something no one was able to clearly hear as they went inside the house.

After getting her seated in the living room, both males momentarily disappeared with the excuse to bring her some tea and to check on the dinner.

—If you ask me, that was quite lame, son!—laughed Mr. Asuka, stirring the soup he prepared hours before.

—Shut up—growled Daiki while preparing a tray to bring out the tea service.

—But hey, this is great news. At least now I know you have great taste, just as your father—continued the detective, finding his ashtray and then putting out his cigarette.—Well done, Daiki—the boy looked at his dad’s sincere smile.—She’s beautiful.

—Tha-thank you—he wasn’t feeling akward, in fact, he was finally feeling relieved that his old man seemed happy for him.

—Now, remember that the Asuka men are cursed and we are destined to have terrible luck with women. Please don’t ruin it.—the older one said as a matter of fact.

—That’s ridiculous, dad!

*END*

Feel free to give me your feedback!

[exhaustedfander]

First Comes Love: Chapter Six

Word count: 2,185

a03 link

Link to previous story in the series: When is Enough Enough?

1  / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / ?

To say that Remus was bouncing off the walls would be an exceptional understatement. It felt like every one of his internal organs might burst from how excited he was. Tonight was the night. Tonight Remus was to ask his dragonfly to be his for forever.

Excitement shouldn’t have been outweighed by nerves, at least that’s what he kept telling himself, but he couldn’t help the dread from creeping in if he wanted to, and he certainly wanted to.

What if this was all too fast for Logan? The thought probably should’ve been considered far sooner, but Remus had gotten so lost in the planning and fantasy of everything he hadn’t really allowed himself to dwell on it. Sure, Logan said that he wasn’t opposed to the idea of marriage, but that didn’t necessarily mean he was eager to get engaged so quickly.

UGH – this was stupid! Remus was already entirely sure of this; it would’ve been very foolish for him to purchase an engagement ring if he wasn’t. Logan loved him, despite every hesitation, he knew that Logan loved him. If things were really to go pear-shaped, and Logan didn’t want to get married yet, they’d surely be able to work things out. It might be embarrassing, but Remus knew he shouldn’t be fearing the end of their relationship on account of the fact that he was determined to have Logan by his side for the rest of his life.

Prior to the evening, Remus had been trying to get ahold of his emotions, but it was no easy task. Waking up beside his boyfriend on the one-year anniversary of their relationship was something that he couldn’t help but get emotional about. He’d woken up to see Logan’s sleeping face and promptly burst into tears.

If you’d have told Remus a year ago that he would be reduced to tears at the mere sight of his boyfriend, he would’ve laughed hysterically. What kind of lovesick fool would be so at the mercy of his emotions?

He was, apparently. Remus was well aware of the fact that he’d been forgone nearly since the moment he and Logan first kissed, but that didn’t stop him from being surprised by the strength of his feelings every time.

Logan had awoken to the sound, quickly asking Remus what the matter was before realizing that he was crying out of joy rather than sorrow.

“I’m sorry,” Remus said, wiping his eyes as Logan sat up beside him and slipped his glasses on, “I’m sorry, I’m a mess. I just… I love you so fucking much, Dragonfly.”

Remus smiled as Logan pressed his lips to his, the embrace soft and so full of love.

“You don’t need to apologize,” Logan promised, pulling Remus against him and pressing another kiss into his hair, “You never need to apologize for your emotions. I love you too. Immensely.”

The sentiment was almost jarring, looking back on Logan’s past. For so much of his life, he had shunned emotions, banning them to the far-most corners of his mind. He hadn’t expected to find love, nor was it something he’d necessarily welcomed with open arms. But this? Remus? He would welcome him always for as long as he could so long as Remus would have him.

“A year,” Remus mussed after he managed to get a better grip on his emotions, “Best year I’ve had for damn long time.”  

“Me too,” Logan said, running his hands through Remus’s hair, mussed from sleep. They both know with absolute certainty that the last year had been the best of their entire lives, despite not saying so.

The rest of the morning and afternoon is spent in each other’s company, having a nice breakfast as well as going out to lunch later. They spend a great deal of time sitting on the couch watching Serial Killer documentaries, not something that’s typically seen as the most romantic activity, but something the couple loved to do together, nonetheless.

By the time the evening rolled around Remus’s nerves were more shot than he thought was possible.

This is fine, there’s no reason to be so fucking afraid, he reminded himself, though the thought provided little comfort. The party would be small (Just as Logan had suggested, not that Remus was aware of that) with only Patton, Janus, Virgil, Roman and a few other friends of the group, so it wasn’t as though he was going to be putting on some kind of a show in front a bunch of people. But even so, the thought of asking Logan to be his in front of anyone was suddenly twisting his stomach in knots.

It didn't make any sense; Remus loved attention, even from groups of people. Throughout his life, he’d done what he can to receive attention, good or otherwise, from anyone who’d give it. But now that he thought about it… that wasn't necessarily the case anymore, was it?

Sure, as a writer, Remus’s day was made when someone complimented his work, and it’s not like he’d shut out positive attentiveness, but since being with Logan, he hasn’t sought it out like he used to. That was just it, wasn't it? He didn't need to go looking under every nook and cranny for someone to pay him any mind anymore, because he’d always be able to come home to someone who loved him unconditionally and who’d entertain his thoughts and feelings, no matter how bizarre. He didn't need to make a fool out of himself every chance he got because he had Logan, and his boyfriend was always there for him.

Oh god. Was this a terrible idea? Not marrying Logan, that is because Remus was fairly sure that’s the best idea he’s ever had. But proposing in public? Would it be too much for Logan? What if he choked up? What if everything  went wrong? What if –

“Love, are you alright?”

Remus stiffened, turning around to find Logan standing in the doorway of their bedroom. Remus had just been getting ready for the party. The dress code wasn't anything fancy, but it was a party in their honor and it would feel weird if he wasn’t dressed a little bit nicer than usual. He opted for black pants and a lime green dress shirt with darker green pinstripes. The color’s still pretty out there, just the way he liked it, but it’s formal enough that it isn’t quite as disastrous as the things Remus usually wore.

As for Logan, he was wearing a dress shirt too, rather than the polo shirt he usually dawned, also forgoing the tie for the evening. It was always a rare treat to see Logan without his tie, claiming it makes him look “less serious,” but if Remus was honest, and he usually was, he thought Logan looked stunning regardless. And god, he sure did look stunning that night. It could be all the mushy-gushy feelings clouding his mind, could be the nerves, too, but as far as Remus was concerned, he’d never looked more beautiful.

There was a sparkle in Logan’s eyes he knew was unique to him, like a star that shone for Remus and Remus alone. Logan looked incredible, and so, so happy. But in the moment, he also looked a tad concerned, and for a second Remus’s mind lagged before he remembered he probably looked a bit of a frantic mess.

“I’m fine,” Remus assured, remembering he’d been in the middle of brushing his hair before his nerves had distracted him, picking up the brush again and combing it through his hair. He nearly cursed aloud when he realized his hand was shaking.

“You’re trembling,” Logan observed, stepping into the room and placing a hand on his shoulder, “Are you sure you’re alright?”

For a moment, Remus wanted to say, NO! Wanted to say, Absolutely not! I’m going out of my mind with worry because all I want is to be with you forever but that’s a suddenly very terrifying notion because that’s a really, really big question! And what if you say no? What if you aren’t ready? What if this is one of my worst ideas yet?

Of course, Remus couldn’t say that. Instead, he set the brush aside and turning around to face Logan, placing a hand over his cheek, hoping it wasn’t shaking too terribly.

“You look amazing tonight. Not – that isn’t to say that you don’t always look amazing. Because you do! All the time! I remember getting so distracted by you right before we started dating. I couldn’t help but stare. I –.”

“Remus, dear, you’re rambling.” Remus blinked, seeing the worry in Logan’s expression deepen.

“I… I am?”

“You are. Now please tell me, honestly, are you okay?” Remus assessed his options for a moment, realizing there weren’t too many options available. Sighing, he hastily decided on a half-truth.

"I’m just… I’m nervous,” he admitted, voice uncharacteristically nervous, “Which I know is insanely stupid.” Logan shook his head.

“I never said it was.”

“Yeah, well, it is. I mean, here we are, going to a party all about us, hosted by my brother and Virgil. Two really amazing people. And we’ve been together a year, and that’s great. I mean, it’s fucking amazing. Because I mean, look at you,” Remus gestured vaguely to all of Logan, “You’re incredible. You’re so smart, and sweet and good to me. And you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen or ever will see and I just…” Remus prayed he wouldn’t get misty-eyed again, at least not until later into the night, “I love you. I love you so fucking much, Dragonfly. And I don’t… I don’t know why I’m nervous,” – that’s a blatant lie, Remus knew exactly why he was nervous, “– “I just am.”

Remus sighed as Logan wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into a tight embrace.

“It’s perfectly alright to feel nervous or overwhelmed right now,” Logan assured, smiling as Remus buried his face in his neck, “We’ve approached a momentous milestone in our relationship, and that can sometimes be quite a lot to process. I love you too, so, so much. It’s okay.”

“Your butt looks nice in those pants,” Remus mumbled into Logan’s neck, hoping he might be able to redirect the conversation.

“I’m afraid a comment about my posterior will not distract me from the topic at hand,” Logan said, his tone slightly more serious than before. Remus exhaled sharply, pulling away and meeting Logan’s gaze. “Being entirely honest… I find myself feeling somewhat nervous as well.” Remus cocked an eyebrow.

“What? You are? But you don’t seem nervous at all.” (Logan had most certainly seemed nervous for the last two weeks, particularly so today. Remus was too lost in his own nerves to realize Logan was shaking nearly as much as he was)

“Yes, well, I am. It’s just as I said, there are a lot of factors at play and that can be nerve-racking. Regardless,” Logan said, taking Remus’s hands in his own, “I’m excited. Thrilled, if I’m entirely honest, to have had you in my life this past year and to have the opportunity to celebrate that with our friends. You, my love, have and continue to be a blessing that I was never expecting to receive. But I have, and I cherish that fact every day that I’m with you.” Remus hopped Logan didn’t have more to say because if so, he would’ve been interrupted with the suddenly ardent kiss Remus pressed to his lips, all but pinning him to the dresser.

“Well… that was certainly something…” Logan trailed off, his voice soft and awestricken as Remus kissed him again, fairly gentler this time.

“You can’t just make passionate love declarations like that and not expect me to kiss you senseless.”

“In that case,” Logan said, readjusting his hair from where Remus had raked a hand through it, “Perhaps I should do that more often.” Remus barked out a laugh.

“I certainly wouldn’t complain if you did!”

“Are you feeling better?” Logan asked, turning the topic away from passion, knowing they didn’t have the time for it considering the party was starting soon.

“I’m fine. Great. Fantastically and stupidly in love with you,” Remus declared vehemently, earning a bright smile from his nerd.

"All seems to be in order then,” Logan said, pressing a final kiss to Remus’s lips before pulling away, “We’re leaving in a few minutes, okay?”

“Sure thing, can’t wait,” Remus responded, watching as Logan walked out of the room.

In all honesty, Remus’s nerves were still shot to hell. He was still nearly as anxious as he’d been prior, wondering distantly and irrationally, if he was making a mistake. But no matter, he’d made a commitment to this and he’d see it through no matter what. His nerves, though still incredibly present, also coexisted with the feelings of love and admiration that Logan’s word and instilled.

As far as he was concerned, despite everything, this party was going to be amazing.

It’s a pity how wrong he was.

=+=

Nothing like ending on an angsty cliffhanger, am I right, folks? Comments are really appreciated because I love to hear what you think as are reblogs. See you in the next chapter and have a wonderful day/night!