#365 days that would have been better with alfred

[kamwashere]

whoever runs the verified batman account in instagram needs their ass ate cause these are hilarious

[peachyhan]

Bittersweet

Genre(s): angst, a little bit of fluff

Requested: nope!

Member(s): Kim Hongjoong x reader

Word count: 782

Synopsis: in which hongjoong reminisces over the moment he fell in love with you.

Warning(s): mentions of depression, it’s just really sad guys :((

“‘Tis better to have loved and lost, than never have been loved at all,”-Alfred Tennyson

--------------

Hongjoong didn’t know what he was doing.

He was sitting in his room, staring at the wall, and for some reason his mind wandered to you. 

It has been 365 days since your break up, almost a year exactly, yet there were still moments when he thought of you. 

Moments like these. 

He was thinking of one moment in particular: the first phone call between you two.

He was exhausted from soccer practice, but excited nonetheless to hear your voice.

You had taken a liking to each other, only casually talking at first, but that day, at school, you had finally given him your number.

He felt a smile grow on his face as you picked up the phone, “hello?”

Your voice sounded slightly raspy, almost like you had just woken up. 

“Hey, did I wake you up from a nap?” 

“No,” you replied, stifling a yawn, which didn’t go unnoticed by Hongjoong. 

“If you’re tired, go take a nap-,”

“No!” you interrupted him quickly. “I wanted to hear your voice.”

You muttered that last sentence, Hongjoong had to strain his ears to hear it, but once he understood, he felt his heart melt. 

You spent an hour on the phone, just talking about anything and everything. 

“Hongjoong, can I tell you something?” you asked, to which he just hummed in response. 

“I know we’re technically not together, but I really really like you,” you took a shaky breath. You weren’t good at opening up, you didn’t like letting people get too close to you. But Hongjoong was different. He was breaking the walls that you built around your heart. 

“I struggle with depression, and I can’t remember a time when I was ever truly happy. For a long time, I’ve lived in a world of grey, but when I’m with you, I’m suddenly living in a world of color. Before I met you, I felt like if I disappeared, no one would notice. I felt like a nobody. But you make me feel like I’m somebody.” 

“That’s crazy, because that’s exactly how I feel about you.”

You felt as if a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. You didn’t know how he would react, didn’t know if he felt as strongly for you as you did for him. 

Hongjoong didn’t know when he started crying. He hadn’t even realized that he was until he heard you say, “No no, don’t cry!!”

Your voice was shaky as you tried to hold back tears, hearing him cry made you want to cry. 

I’m sorry,” Hongjoong replied, laughing through the tears that were streaming down his face.

“Why are you apologizing?” you asked. Now you were crying as well, sniffling as your nose was starting to get runny. 

“For crying-,”

“Hey, don’t you ever apologize for crying. You’re a person, you have feelings, if you wanna cry, then cry. Just because you’re a guy, doesn’t mean that you can’t cry.”

He felt himself fall for you even more at that moment. 

“Now you’re gonna make me cry even more!” he exclaimed, causing you to laugh. “It’s just that one of my exes once broke up with me because I was too emotional.”

You could feel his frown through the phone, a frown slowly growing on your face as well, “they’re so stupid for that. You’re an amazing person, I think it’s nice that you’re not afraid to show your emotions.”

In that moment, as you and Hongjoong cried on the phone, Hongjoong knew that you were the love of his life. 

And even now he still knew it.

Every person he dated after you just didn’t feel right. It felt as if there was a part of him was missing. 

He missed your smile, your complaints about how you were tired, your small form beside his as you walked to his locker together, how perfectly your hands fit in his. 

But most importantly, he missed your voice, his most favorite sound in the world. The same voice that caused him to both laugh and cry. The same voice that sang him to sleep when he had a hard time falling asleep. The same voice that still made his heart skip a beat when he thought of it. 

You didn’t get married and run off into the sunset like Hongjoong had hoped, it was just a high school relationship after all, but he didn’t mind. He didn’t scowl at the thought of you like most exes would. Instead, he smiled. 

It has been 365 days since your break up, and Kim Hongjoong was still in love with you.

--------------

Happy birthday to one of the best leaders ever: Kim Hongjoong!!!! PLEASE for the love of God, I hope he gets some rest and relaxes with his members, he works so so hard for us and his members🥺🥺💓

And that phone call may or may not be an actual conversation that I had with someone word for word🙈

Taglist: @urirealvibekiller @leggomylino @skz-c1ty 

If you wish to be added to my taglist, just send me an ask or DM!!

[panelun]

Jason was Bruce’s beloved son and DC’s writers are doing shit.

(Sorry, I don’t speak english fluently so my english can be gibberish.)

I’m always impress by DC’s writers. How did they manage to be so bad at respecting what was done before ? I’m not against showing your “own version” of batman, but this Batman doesn’t respect the continuity, isn’t believable as a human being and has no stable personnality. It’s an absolute wreck.

Since many years, some writers seem to agreed Batman is a psycho who beat his adopted children and only care about them when they can fight for him.

This is an absolute bullshit. Bruce didn’t want his boys to became Robin. Jason is the best exemple. That’s why Jason’s story is a tragedy, why it was so important. It would have no impact if he didn’t wanted to keep him safe at all cost.

If he had a favorite boy, it would definitly be Jason. Nearly all the issues with Jason were about how much Bruce were implicated in his education and safety.

After Bruce accepted him as his adopted son, Jason asked Bruce to become his new partner but Bruce refused because he wanted to keep him safe. 

In detective comics #527, Jason asked Bruce to go to cinema with him and Bruce canceled a date with Vicki (his current girlfriend, who get pretty jealous of Jason in batman#361) because it “was more important at this point”.

In the same issue, Jason was caught by an ennemy because he called batman “father” (he just lost his parents) in front of him and Bruce who got hysterical.

In Batman #363, Batman got angry at Jason because he didn’t want to put him in danger. The boy became sad, thinking Bruce is “overprotecting” him.

In Detective comics # 530, the boy ran from home and met a strange lady. She helped him to understand his “new father” fear to loose him and he was lucky to get a gardian.

In Batman #365 despite accepting Jason as is partner, he was still reluctant to bring him with him.

The he was angry when he showed up dressed as Robin, but regreted his harsh words and comfort him the day later in detective comics #533, where the narrator says “a son is not always born from his father”.

He often fighted with Jason because he was very protective (like in Detective Comics 551 where he refuse to bring Jason in a mission and tries to explain him he fear for his safety)

In Detective comics #535, after Jason got hurt, Bruce realised his revenge could have killed Jason and he regreted to put him in danger.

In Batman #368, he smiled because he was happy to work with him.

In Batman #373, Jason had a nightmare about his parent’s death. But his “parents” happened to include Bruce Wayne.

In the same issue, Batman refused to take him to a place where he could have been confronted to his trauma.

Jason worse fear in Detective comics #571 was not being able to save Bruce.

Jason was in tears when he thought batman was dead and Bruce comforted him.

In the same issue, we learn that Bruce’s worse fear was Jason’s death.

In Detective Comics #539, Bruce protectiveness “don’t bug” Jason because “it makes him seem like a father”.

And then, there is one of the longest arc I read in an old comic and it’s all about Jason beeing taken by child welfare.

Let’s resume some elements : 

Batman #374 (where the pannel show a contrast between the way people percieve Bruce and the way he act as a father).

In Detective comics #542, the child welfare take Jason while he’s crying.

While in Batman #378, Bruce collapse.

In Detective comics #543, he explain to Julia, Alfred’s daughter, how much he miss Jason and how empty is his house since he’s gone.

But he don’t lose hope and he’s ready to give all of his fortune to his lawers to get him back (Detective comics #543).

And Jason don’t feel good at the child welfare bureau since he can’t sleep well because he’s “away from home” (Batman #376)

Later, Jason he accept to be adopted by an other woman (to prouve it’s a vilain), but said to Amadan it’s because he don’t want to stay in the child wellcare bureau. Amanda begin to wonder if she didn’t did a mistake when she saw him crying because he miss Bruce, Alfred and “home”.

Ms Knight then adopt Jason but the boy is reluctant to accept her as a mother despite her powers of persuasion. She finally surrender and Jason became Bruce’s son again.

No need to say Bruce also get very anxious when Jason get hurt :

It’s endless, because nearly every single issue of Batman and Detective comics showed how much Bruce cared for this boy.

Even in modernes and alternatives universes, where Jason is a little ball of anger, he is still starving for Bruce’s love.

He kept a picture of Bruce and him.

He also like to call him “dad”, wich is even more significant since he never had a proper father in these universe.

When he came back from the dead, the first person he called was batman.

And after his ressurection, he was absolutly lost and desesperate. He didn’t only seek for revenge. He wanted a proof his dad loved him enough to be able to kill his murderer.

Plus, he thought Tim remplaced him.

Meanwhile, Bruce was devastated and never got over his death, which is even more heartbreaking when you know how much he was trying to protecting him ! 

He cry in his hands in front of a very incisive interviewer who get voiceless after seeing him collapse. Bruce call himself a “father” and consider Jason as “his son”.

He cuddled him and refused to let him go, as if he wanted to comfort him and couldn’t accept he was gone.

Even Alfred said Bruce gave Jason a home a family and all the love he needed. 

Even after he came back to life and he knew he was fine, Bruce get still very emotionnal about Jason.

Unlike the others Robin, Jason never had a loving family before Bruce. Bruce father’s role was more important for Jason than any others Robins and in every timelines, he take it very seriously. He probably get more attached to Jason than he ever was with Dick. Despite loving his younger sons, he also probably never be able to feel as implicated in Tim and Damian’s education because of Jason’s death.

The original Bruce had serious psychological problems, but he wasn’t a sociopath. Bruce Wayne is a man who never got over his childhood trauma. He is a broken man surrounded by mad criminals who abuse and kill by lack of empathy.

 Empathy is what save Bruce from madness and unable him to be a criminal too. He express empathy for his two first Robin by taking them at home and, without thinking of it, he fix his own childhood’s trauma by fixing Jason’s and Dick’s. He brokes the circle (they’re wearing bright colors to show their costumes aren’t a burden.)

In fiction, love often “heal” the characters, but Bruce never had a proper lover, unlike many others super heroes. But he loves his children. They keep him human and help him when he lost himself (Tim did that after Jason’s death). That’s why he’s a hero and not a vilain. That’s why, when Jason killed a man when he was Robin, Batman didn’t beat his boy. Batman was likeable because, despite being violent, he loved and protected his kids and it mades him human.

Now I have prooved my point…

THIS IS NOT COMPATIBLE WITH BATMAN BEATING JASON TO DEATH IN THE LATER ISSUES !

FUCK ! There is no logic in Bruce’s reaction since the New 52. Did them want to show us Bruce was a “true man” by being violent ? Did they wanted to make two superhero fight to sell stories with bad plot ? 

Well, they just made him unlikable and crazy. How are we supposed to feel involved in a character so badly written he can show absolute tenderness for his son in one issue and nearly killed the same character later ? Jason already killed before and Bruce never goes this far.

Get good writers DC. I’m not a huge fan of fanfiction, but alf of Batman’s fanfics writers I read would have done a better job.

[my-one-love-is-music]

Dick catching Tim with a hickie on his neck and threatening to castrate Jason for touching his babybro

For Write 365 Day 356!

Tim shuffled into the Manor kitchen and idly yawned, not bothering to try and cover it as he scratched at his neck where the corner of his shirt had slid down.

“Ah, Master Timothy, would you care for some coffee?”

“Alfred, you read my mind,” he said with a happy smile as he reached out for the mug that appeared in his hand. He took a large sip and sighed, hunching over the cup as he made his way to the table.

“Good morning, Ti-” Dick’s cheery greeting cut off abruptly and Tim frowned, forcing his eyes open to find Dick staring at him with wide eyes at a point on his neck.

“What’s wrong?” he mumbled.

Dick shoved his chair back and strode from the room, hands balled into fists at his sides.

“Hey, Al?” Tim asked, looking over his shoulder at Alfred who was watching the door with amusement.

“Yes, Master Timothy?”

“Do you have any idea why Dick left?”

“Well, if I had to wager a guess, I would say it has something to do with the hickey on the side of your neck.”

Tim slapped a hand against his neck and sighed before he turned on his heel. “I guess I should go make sure Dick doesn’t kill Jason.”

The caffeine started to work it’s way through his system when he was halfway back to his room in the Manor and he was feeling more awake by the time he heard Dick’s low voice hissing insults at Jason where he’d been left behind.

“I swear to god, Jason, I won’t hesitate to castrate you if you even think about laying a finger on my baby bro again,” Dick finished.

“Dick,” Tim sighed as he swung around the corner.

Jason was leaning against the headboard with his arms crossed, one eyebrow raised as he looked beyond amused. He was still shirtless and his hickies were on full display on both sides of his neck.

“And you,” Dick said, whirling around on him.

Tim held up a hand. “Stop right here,” Tim huffed. “I’m old enough to make my own decisions. Jason and I have been dating for months and you have no need or right to interfere in our relationship.”

“But Tim-”

“Uh-uh!”

“But-”

“No!”

“But Tim-”

“Stop!” Tim said, pointing his finger at him and leveling him with a glare.

Dick pouted at him and his shoulders sagged.

“Think about what I said, and respect my privacy. For god’s sake, respect Jason’s privacy, and go finish your breakfast,” he huffed, waving Dick out the door.

He slunk out like a kicked dog and Tim happily shut and locked the door behind him.

“Much better,” he grumbled, walking back over to the bed to crawl in next to Jason.

Jason pulled him against his side and pressed a kiss to the side of his head while Tim took another long swig of his coffee and sighed, snuggling in against Jason’s side.

“He’s just looking out for you,” Jason said. “And I was more amused than anything.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don’t need him actually castrating you. It would be a great loss,” he mumbled, wiggling his hand underneath the blanket to settle on Jason’s thigh.

Jason chuckled and gripped Tim’s chin, turning his head to press their lips together in a kiss.

“Then we should probably avoid that loss.”

Tim smiled against Jason’s lips and reached behind him to set the coffee cup on the bedside table.

“We should indeed.” He swung his leg across Jason’s lap and settled onto his thighs, wrapping his arms around Jason’s shoulders as he pressed forward for another kiss.

If you enjoy my work, please reblog or consider buying me a ko-fi!

[thesinglesjukebox]

TAYLOR SWIFT - YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN

[3.65]

The one that's on our mind, 365, all the time...

Will Rivitz: The Singles Jukebox -- Corrections, June 21 2019: The author of this blurb has previously stated that the selection of Meghan Trainor as LA Pride headliner would forever be the nadir of Pride-related programming. The author regrets the error. [1]

Joshua Copperman: The discourse for "ME!": "What does this mean for Taylor's next era?" The discourse for this lyrical clusterfuck: "What does this mean at all?" It's a much more interesting production, without stock horns and with some nice "Royals"-y vocal layering, but it's the most incoherent thing she's ever released. Is it about stans? Is it about homophobes? Is it a coming out song? Did Taylor throw the first shade at Stonewall? What is HAPPENING?? I'm sorry, I need to calm down. [3]

Will Adams: Taylor said "Gay Rights!" Kind of! Sort of. Well... it's complicated. Not necessarily because of her status as a cis straight woman, but because the message itself is so damn muddled. Stans and trolls and bigots and music journalists are lumped in the same mass of "haters," and while it's worth noting that this by no means the first anti-haters pop song to exist, the overt political text here results in lots of crossed wires. The song suffers as a result too, throwing half-formed catchphrases at the wall to see what sticks: the chorus is a melodic void (odd considering Taylor's songwriting strength); the "gowns" reference is too subtle to register; the patter results in odd scansion throughout ("like it's PUH-trón"); and "snakes and stones never broke my bones" is no more clever than "don't need opinions from a shellfish or a sheep." Speaking of Katy, also wrapped up in all this is a resolution of a beef that never seemed that important except as something for either party to mine for big single launches. It's all too much, especially for a not-bad track that fizzes just fine on its own. It'd be churlish to ask Taylor to take her own advice; for now all I ask for is coherence. [4]

Jonathan Bradley: Taylor Swift has always had a talent for deploying sharp and piquant phrases, the sorts of lyrics that tell blunt little stories like animated gifs. It's an opportunity for her to go broad and get funny: "Some indie record that's much cooler than mine," for instance, or "I can make the bad guys good for a weekend," or "I don't love the drama, it loves me." "You Need to Calm Down" is like an entire song built from these lines, and it whirls by like a Twitter thread or an Instagram story. Taylor sass is a lot of fun, and many of these ripostes are satisfyingly catty in their insouciance ("I'm just like, 'hey... are you OK?'" might be the best of these). Swift has shrugged off detractors on "Shake It Off" and "Mean," but she is more single-minded this time, and that focus paradoxically dilutes the intent. Swift's greatest strength as a songwriter is her interiority; she's adept at examining and interpreting her own feelings. But a consequence of that is that she is far less certain when she needs to step outside the bounds of her own head. The worst song she has ever released was a charity single called "Ronan," in which Swift sung in the voice of a mother who had lost her child to cancer; so talented at realizing her personal traumas, she proved incapable of reconstructing her sympathy for that bereavement in her own voice. "Calm Down" has some things to say about homophobia, and in this terrain outside her own experience, Swift's words are not so much unpleasant as awkward and a bit superficial, particularly in their uncertain invocation of "shade" as bigotry. (If stan theorists needed evidence that Swift is indeed as straight as she publicly presents, it's here: a queer Taylor would not have written a second verse as disengaged as that one.) But even diluted, Swift singles are still constructed tight. This one continues finding the pastel inversion of Reputation's skeletal synth sound, and echoes "ME!" with a hook of vowel sounds as palilalia -- "oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh..." this time, rather than "me-hee-hee." It's a tic that works -- in moderation. [7]

Alex Clifton: (Puts on music critic hat) It's stronger than "ME!" (which isn't hard but worth noting), I'm glad she takes swipes at homophobia but equating that with personal shots is a little bit weird, it's super catchy but the lyrics are still a little lacking, and I still can't remember all the words even though I have the melody memorized. (Takes off music critic hat, puts on bisexual Swiftie stan hat) EVERYTHING IS RAINBOWS AND MY BRAIN WON'T STOP SINGING THIS AND I WOULD MARRY TAYLOR SWIFT, HAPPY PRIDE!!!!! [5]

Alfred Soto: I'm sure it will sound fine on the radio, especially played beside "Bad Guy" and "Old Town Road." The maximalist intentions behind the Everest-sized synth bass and her rat-tat-tat delivery bespeak a mind that recognizes it's the one needing calm. Except for the "parade" line, I wouldn't have known this alludes to Pride if I hadn't watched the video. I don't feel pandered to as a queer man because, after all, a Pride parade is superficial performativity anyway. [6]

Katherine St Asaph: Give her this: the stacked-up arpeggio in the chorus is an absolutely brilliant hook, particularly the second time when it goes over the top. The rapid-fire prechorus is pretty good too. But the beat is the same freezer-burned "Paper Planes"/"With Ur Love"/"Send My Love (To Your New Lover)" chill, the accents are so far from the right syllables they've filed a misSING perSONS REport, the conflating of trolls with professional critics with the literal Westboro Baptist Church is bad (as is the weird class shit in the video, as if you can't be anti-gay and present like a Pleasantville star), and all this was done much better on "Mean." [5]

Katie Gill: In a way, this song is hellishly brilliant. Taylor Swift has provided her standom with a weapon, something that they can wield against any form of criticism. Want to write an article criticizing the fact that Swift seems to put "homophobia" and "me having internet bullies" on the same level, the fact that the video tactlessly paints rural Americana as the enemy of LGBTQ+ people instead of the Mike Pences of the world, or the fact that the second verse leans way too close to the sort of tactlessness that only aggressively woke allies can pull off? Expect a flock of Twitter replies telling you condescendingly that "you need to calm down" and "you're being too loud," as people ignore the half-assed condemnation of standom during the song's third verse in favor of using Swift's lyrics as a cudgel against any perceived haters. For all that Swift is trying to shed the sneaky snake image, traces of it still linger between the lines. [3]

Edward Okulicz: The people who said "Heartbeats" by The Knife was the future of music were right in 2003, and based on this, have now been right for 16 years and counting. That enormous synth-bass takes a song that should have been awful on paper (ugh, a thematic sequel to "This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things," which itself is why we can't have nice things, like good Taylor Swift songs), with the second verse featuring the worst lyrics Swift has ever written, and makes it frisky and playful. The "uh-oh uh-oh UH-OH!" hook is legitimately her best in years. Obsessing about someone is tedious, obsessing about those people is even more tedious, but for once, Swift sounds like she's legitimately above it, even if I don't think she knows what "shade" is. I wanted to hate this for its posturing, but I can't, because of the "uh-oh" bit. But just between you and me, I liked Katy Perry's last single more. [6]

William John: I'm always happy to hear songs that approximate the "Heartbeats" melody, and the layered vocals here sound lovely, but Dorian Corey didn't keep a mummy in her house for fifteen years for "shade" to be misinterpreted so flagrantly. [3]

Danilo Bortoli: Is it fair to demand political accountability from artists? The question remains thorny these days, but when Taylor Swift blatantly goes after pink money, the answer is yes, loud and clear. The case made for "You Need To Calm Down" has pulled the identity politics card (as usual, The Onion put it better). That is, Swift's song oversimplifies an ancient struggle for recognition, making up a narrative that isn't Taylor's to call her own. But what is more infuriating is the sugarcoating: the fact that pride should come only from within, and the naive and painful suggestion that a homophobe would go silent after a line as awful as "shade never made anybody less gay". That is to say, when it comes to protest, I prefer it the French way. Which is why all of this begs the question: Would you tell Richard Spencer to "calm down"? No, of course you wouldn't. [2]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: There are probably 2300 words elsewhere in this post about the politics and rhetoric of Taylor's words here (and I'll get to that), but first I feel obligated to talk about how "You Need To Calm Down" works on a purely musical level. It sounds like ass. It takes the bag of tricks that Swift used on "Ready For It?," the most musically captivating of Reputation's singles, and sands off all of their weird edges. Yes, there's a bass thump to welcome you in, but without the distortion it just sounds like Taylor's doing "Royals"-lite (I mean, Joel Little did produce.) And with the fangs off the verse, the lift to the chorus fails to land. It's all just sound, an undifferentiated, imperial wave of midtempo banger signifier without a real hook. Even Swift's vocals, which have always been her most compelling tool, can't sell the song's vibe -- she's confused not giving a fuck for calm. Of course, it's not entirely clear what "You Need To Calm Down"'s vibe, or point, even is. It's trying to be clever, with its winking references to stale LGBTQ and feminist symbology, but by conflating (or at least juxtaposing) those struggles with the problems that Taylor Swift has as a widely hated famous person, it ends up saying nothing at all. In the end, "You Need To Calm Down" is less a coherent song in itself than a Potemkin village to situate endless thinkpieces in. Make it stop. [3]

Ashley Bardhan: I know the title is "You Need To Calm Down" but there are no human words that can aptly describe how much I hate this song. Think of a young pigeon cooing as it flies through a fish market, weaving over and through the glistening crates of silver-scaled fish and ice. Oh no! There's a problem with a shipment! The owner angrily tosses a fat fish into the air, and its scales glint as it smacks the pigeon mid-air and onto the ground with the full brunt of its weight. The pigeon sees the fish market, its final flight, behind its closed eyes in a hurried blur. It weakly wheezes its final birdsong, and then... nothing. Yaaas, hunty. [0]

Iris Xie: 🤷 This is so tired, I can't even be that mad about it. The only question I have, because this song and MV isn't even worth a QTPOC-centered thinkpiece from me is this: when is the Post Malone + Swae Lee + Taylor Swift collaboration happening? This sounds so much like "Sunflower" and is just as deadening. Even the excitement of one of my besties sending me an ~*urgent*~ text message about Katy Perry and Taylor Swift making up over their imaginary feud, once they realized it hurt both of their fanbases, can't even ignite an ounce of care from me. (Bless your heart, my dear friend.) If she really wanted to pander to the gays, she could've just written a sequel to "Look What You Made Me Do" and become a slicker conduit for the less graceful parts about being in queer scenes, which can be about petty, messy drama, rather than being the subject of rage and apathy about being another harbinger of happy happy HAPPY gaypropriation. Like, whatever, she can have her extremely meaningless self-declared ally medal. I've been calm, just give me actual music. [2]

Isabel Cole: It's like this: A while ago I was catching up with an ex who mentioned he'd recently come back into contact with someone we'd known in high school -- acquaintance of his, frenemy of mine, a few sparkling months of giggling BFF-ship deteriorating across a year I spent defending her while she shit-talked my fashion sense in the girls' room to the local blabbermouth -- and he told me, with an ironic arch of the brow, that when my name had inevitably come up she'd said, "Isabel and I used to be so close; I wonder what happened." Reader, I spent like a week losing my mind, repeating the story and relitigating the history to anyone who would listen while bitterly making fun of her internet presence. Was this because I am petty and emotionally volatile? Yes. But it was also because there is a certain level of willful detachment from reality which I do not have the cognitive capacity to process adequately. Taylor Swift having the gall to tell any human on earth to calm down makes me feel insane the way it makes me feel insane to see someone citing as evidence of their incurable adolescent unpopularity the dorky AIM screenname they picked based on an affectionate joke I made. Taylor Swift saying "take several seats" makes me feel the same combination of spiteful and enraged as reading a line recycled from Livejournal in 2005: please learn like everyone else to disguise the extent to which the human brain is a machine wired to seek validation, the transparency of your desperation is making all of us uncomfortable! God, I wanna snub her in a lunchroom so bad. The song is unappealing in ways that barely merit mentioning -- verses that sound like they were reverse-engineered from a MIDI file of the superior but hardly sublime "Gorgeous," chorus that throws in the plodding piano of roaring bravery -- but even beyond the equivalency it implies between Twitter making fun of her and, like, hate crimes, I find the bridge particularly embarrassing, because of how artlessly it reveals its origin: Taylor Swift literally read a Tumblr post (or, the algorithm we call Taylor Swift processed several hundred Tumblr posts) from 2011 saying "stop pitting female artists against each other [handclap emoji etc.]!!!!!!!!!!!" and thought, Wow! Feminism! As for the possibility that this is another masterful turn from Taylor the troll (or troll!Taylor as there is a distressingly high chance she'd say) and by falling for it I've let her win: (1) Taylor Swift is always already winning, this is exactly what Marx was talking about (2) Let me kick it back to my ex one more time: when I asked what she was like these days, he considered and said: "I thought she'd developed self-awareness, but then I realized it was just self-identification." Yeah. [1]

Scott Mildenhall: You know sometimes, when you read the annotations on genius.com, how their deductions and inferences appear to have been made by algorithm? For instance, the notion that this being released on that loud American guy's birthday "seems to support the theory" that one line is about him? This is what would happen if that algorithm was tasked with writing a satirical song. [5]

Stephen Eisermann: My take? This is more lazy allyship than commercialization of pride. Plus, it's kind of a bop. Sucks, then, that Taylor completely misunderstands what shade is -- but did we really expect any better? [6]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[sociallyawkwardfoxwriter]

Write for 365: Day 123

Oracle Tim Part Three

“That’s a good look on you.” Babs lightly flicks the edge of Tim’s glasses moving them just enough that the man has to straighten them back up. “It makes your eyes even more impossible to not look at.”

“Jason says they make me look like a hipster.”

“He’s just pulling your pigtails.”

“For the last time, Jason is not interested in me like that.”

“Sure. Rivers and all that. Have things gotten any better?”

Tim lets out a groan and throws the Kindle Jason had bought him on the armchair so he could give Barbara his full attention. “Dick is always hovering and asking questions and bringing me things. I’m pretty sure if he could, he’d spend all day cuddling me like a giant teddy bear and stuffing me full of food. Bruce seems to think the only way to take my mind off the fact I can’t be Red Robin anymore is to give me so much work for WE I’m practically drowning in it.”

“He actually thought that would work?”

“Apparently. I’ve been forwarding all the extra work to the people who are actually supposed to be doing it. Anyways, Damian is being pleasant. Which would be terrifying in any other context, except for the fact he’s treating me like one of his injured animals so I know he’s not trying to lower me into a false sense of security. I love Cass, but every time she comes over she stares at me like she’s looking for signs of a mental breakdown. Whenever Steph comes over she tries too hard to act like everything is perfectly normal. If it weren’t for you, Jay, and Alfred, I’m sure I would have gone crazy by now.”

“They mean well.”

“I know that. Doesn’t stop me from wanting to wring their necks. I actually had a dream that I smothered Dick with a pillow last night. Not a nightmare, a dream.”

“Everyone who knows Dick has had that dream at least once. Honestly, it’s one of my favorites.” Tim starts laughing so hard he’s nearly in tears and Babs can’t help, but laugh along with him. “It’s good to see you smile again. Do your eyes still hurt?”

“Not really. A few times I’ve stared at my laptop screen too long, but the optometrist said that might happen during the adjustment phase. Most of the time Jason’s around to keep me from overdoing it.”

“Good. You know the doctor and optometrist said you could make things worse if you strained your eyes too much.”

“Believe me, I’m well aware of the fact. I only get reminded a hundred times a day.”

“We annoy because we care. Now to get down to business.”

“Business? What? You didn’t come to just spend time with me.”

Barbara rolls her eyes as she puts her hand on Tim’s knee and gives a firm squeeze. “Of course I did, but that doesn’t mean we can’t discuss business as well.”

“True enough. What did you want to discuss?”

“What are your plans?”

“Plans?”

“We’re Bats. Crime fighting runs in our veins. Just because you can’t go patrolling the streets anymore, doesn’t mean you have to stop being a hero.”

“Right.” Tim barely manages to keep a snort from coming out, but does give away his doubt by picking at the hem of his shirt. “They’ve already got you to take care of all the behind the scenes stuff, Alfred handles medical, and Lucius designs new equipment. All positions are full.”

“You know the only reason Jason even works with the other is because the two of you started partnering up. He still doesn’t use me on a regular basis unless there’s a joint case everyone is working on.”

“You think I should play Oracle for Jason?”

“I think you don’t want to quit the life and Jason is missing his partner, even if he’d never admit to it. You work well together. You could do a lot of good.”

Tim taps his fingers thoughtfully against his thigh as he considers Barbara’s suggestion. “I’ll think about it.”

“Great. Now what can we do for fun?”

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Write for 365 Collection

[itsannajovanovic]

Screen Project Evaluation

   Project Title   Due to the fact that my screen- based project explore my contemplation of anxiety during and through my morning shower, and due to the fact that that morning shower, meant as anxious circumstance, reflects on my everyday life, I thought to give as title of my project 365 (representing the days in a year, as it is easy to guess); however, after showing my completed project to other people, looking for feedback, everyone would say in response  that it almost seems like I was representing my actual everyday life and I wouldn’t like that as the video shows everything but my routine, in fact, it shows my state of mind; the anxiety, or better how I deal with it in different ways. So, I decided to change the title in Morning Shower; or rather the way I would collocate my anxiety as a step that I take and almost I need to take every day, before starting my day; almost like I had a sort of addiction to it. 

Subject The subject of my project, is not only characterised by the anxiety itself, seen as an object of exploration; it also connects to the matter of how it makes me feel and how I deal with it.   Visual Research Point of inspiration of this project have been multiple: the first one that characterised my choice of style has been A Requiem for a Dream: the movie directed by Darren Aronofsky; precisely the scene where the viewer contemplates the way the characters make use of drugs; it is a scene made out of jump cuts, and I really liked the way Aronofsky depicts those moments, so I tried to make use of jump cuts in my video as well. The other inspirational point has been Psycho, the horror movie directed by the great Alfred Hitchcock which I already knew from a long time, but only watched after the suggestion of my Tutor, who gave me after watching the shower scene from the draft of my project, and made me realise the big similarity of content towards the topic of anxiety. And finally, the third inspirational Artist has been Lydia Lunch, the American singer, poet, writer and actress, who have a very strong style on everything she does, very angry and aggressive, which make me fully feel what she feels and what she wants to say through her works. Aims, Objectives, Concept Everything started when I realised I wasn’t doing great this year, due to the unhealthy way I was managing my anxiety; during this year I would suffer from insomnia every single night, I would wake up very late in the morning and I would hurriedly start my day skipping breakfast and sometimes even lunch, I would suffer of stomach ache and I would eventually have problems of digestion; I would say, almost twice a month I would have attacks of anxiety in which my heart would beats very fast and my mind would go in deep and sad thoughts. I realise very soon that this situation would have been a setback for keeping good grades in my academic year, so I started to make researches about it and I tried a few methods that would help me during those days and I figured that I wanted to explore these feelings. As matter of fact, I discovered since the beginning of my academic career, that what I like the most about photography and visual art in general is the exploration of things that I don’t know very well, especially those things related to myself, exploring those feelings make me understand myself better; so, I decided to relate my project on my state of mind. Hence the idea of the project called Morning Shower which aims to therapeutically explore in deep the sense of distress and anxiety. 

Production   As written above, I have made use of jump-cut, or rather a style of cut in film editing, in which two sequential clips, that depict the same subject, are taken from camera positions that differ only slightly; this type of editing gives the effect of jumping forwards in time, it is a manipulation of the temporal space. I have also made use of the reverse tool, or rather the option to make a clip in reversal time lapse, which is very interesting in seeing how a tool, or better a style can help saying something; and then finally I have used some cuts from the same clip, the one of the shower, to make a sort of main clip or a supporting clip, that manifests in three separated scenes.   Presentation I hope the way of representing this project will make any sense to every type of adult audience, I have tried to make use of symbolism and therefore to sort of let the viewer visualise the concept as it would be his/her. Evaluation I believe that this video, although in my opinion, it is a good and satisfactory result, it might have been more specific and I could have made it definitely more anxious, next time I will try to be braver towards the choice of style and also, to organise the ideas and everything else before the shooting; while this time I made it more spontaneously.  

[d1tman-blog]

Here is my life...(I sent this to my medical provider, Piedmont Healthcare)

I am sending this here because I can't get it to my medical team any other way. I can't afford ink for my printer, so I can't print the excerpt to hand it them, and it is too long to send in MyChart. My Care Team consists of Dr Sanjay Sarin, Dr Ashish Bhimani, Dr Garry McCulloch, Barbara Conlon, NP, and Hannah Folds, NP. Because I for some reason usually don't feel as terrible during my visits to the medical team, it seems like the day to day feeling shitty all the time isn't taken into account. Dr Sarin asks if I have gone to work every time I visit him, but I do well to walk across my living room many days, much less hold down a job. To give you all an idea what being Tommy Johns is like, I am including excerpts from my diary. It is a bit long, but shows pretty well what it is like being me. I don't have a death wish, so please don't try to do the psychiatric exam on me. I don't need one, and I will just quit Piedmont and go to another healthcare facility. .......................       ..Diary Excerpts 3 Before you get started on the diary, put something that mildly buzzes next to your ear. Keep it there a few minutes. That is one of the things I have going on 24/7/365, and have had it for 3 years (tinnitus). Now get a belt and tighten it as tight as you can by hand around your head. that is what I feel 24/7/365:                                                             My life changed drastically and unalterably in early October, 2015. I had gotten that terrible flu that went round Atlanta and did not understand or recognize it's severity until I felt as if I would not draw another breath. I woke up one Sunday morning unable to breathe. I could only breathe sitting straight up. Monday morning I made a doctor appointment with my general practitioner. To make a long story short, I ended up in the hospital in late October  for the 1st of 14 times, sometimes only 5 days per stay, sometimes as long as 9 days (as of 5/23/2018).  I remained in the hospital a week. The flu had developed into pneumonia, and bacteria from the pneumonia damaged my heart even more than the childhood illness did), causing congestive heart failure, atrial fibrillation, and an enlarged heart. Complications from these and from the medicines to combat it have also caused renal insufficiency and elevated liver enzymes. I am now on 9 medications to combat the diseases. I have also had two TIAs (mini strokes) and precancerous polyps were removed from my colon. To those who will be conducting and/or involved in my funeral:                                                     Don't spend any more money than necessary to bury me. If I am near death and someone finds me, don't use heroic measures to save me. Just keep me from as much pain as possible. It is in many respects difficult to contemplate death, but the facts and my present condition preclude a long life, so I will end this journey shortly.  I am comforted by the words attributed to Julius Caesar in Shakespeare's novel: " Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant taste of death but once. Of all the wonders that I yet have heard, It seems to me most strange that men should fear death, Seeing that death, a necessary end, Will come when it will come." To be honest, I will be glad when this life of misery and pain is over. I wish it would have been different.  I wish that all I had dreamed and aspired to had become reality. The circumstances have dealt a different path though. I have taken a very different road in life than I ever would have imagined. There is so much to say: The loss of broken and unrealized dreams, expectations unfilled, life cut short. I hope my ramblings on Facebook, Twitter and tumblr, and my encounters on this journey called life have had a positive impact on someone, and that I have made a positive difference in someone's life. I will keep a diary starting on page two of this document. I hope to live a long life, but It doesn't seem like that is to be. I have made some tremendous mistakes in my life, but hope the good I have done outweighs the bad. There isn't a day that goes by when I am not saddened unbearably by losing the love of family.  To everyone, I love you. Diary: 10/18/2016. I felt pretty fair throughout most of the day, although I haven't slept a lot. I haven't really kept track but I believe I slept about 4 hours from 4:30am until 8:30am, then from about 2:30pm until 4:30pm. I feel like sh*t now. Weak, heart beating hard... I think nearly every day about not living through this any more...Congestive heart failure, atrial fibrillation, and an enlarged heart - it is a bitch to live with - no energy, no stamina, hurting or in some type of discomfort constantly. 10/19/2016 Another day feeling like total sh*t. What else is there to say? 10/20/2016 I feel a little bit better today - still no energy to speak of. I hurt my back, so am dealing with that in addition to everything else.  I stay tired and sleepy nearly all the time... 10/21/2016 Can't sleep. Heart racing, lungs feel tight. 10/22/2016 went back on Proventil inhaler. I think last dose was about 10:45pm 10/21/2016. Have to wait another hour for another dose. can't breathe. Weak stomach tight/bloated. have dry cough. able to sleep 5 hours after 2nd dose of Proventil. Still no energy, no stamina. Throat and mouth dry. slept another 3 hours. Ear infection is back. Ear infection is bothering the hell out of me. Constant ringing. a little sick - don't know if it is from ear infection or other malady - had runny stool several times yesterday. Lost my appetite. Got prescriptions and started back taking them. I hope it gets me feeling better. Kevin's arraignment was Wednesday - charged with felony marijuana possession, misdemeanor marijuana possession, and drug paraphernalia. Finally getting a little hungry. Ate 1/2 Big Mac large meal earlier; Will finish it. Lasix is working me over. 10/23/2016 hard to breathe - can't sleep well. yet am almost overpoweringly sleepy. I finally got a little sleep - about 5 hours. Stomach is cramping, still no energy, no stamina. 10/24/2016 Woke up early - hard to breathe. don't have stamina or energy for sh*t. Get extremely tired when sitting in a chair and need to lie down and rest, but it takes a long time to sleep - if I am able to - because it is hard to breathe lying down.  made a doctor's appointment for Thursday at 3:30pm. 10/25/2016 same as yesterday. may be getting a little worse. 10/26/2016 my worst day yet. same as the days above, but can't get relief even for a moment. Constant pain and discomfort, tightening band around my head - helluva headache 11/8/2016 Still feel nauseous about 3/4 of the day each day. Doctors think it is the medicine that makes me sick: Indications for some of the meds say will make you sick. Kevin still has shitty attitude. He doesn't get it that he will need to impress the hell out of the jailers to get conditional release program. 11/11/2016 Sick as sh*t. I hope that is what is causing me to be so confrontational with people rather than me turning into an a**hole. I went off on Jecca. Got jealous because she contacted an old boyfriend of hers. Turns out he called her because he has some type of injury to  his hand and foot and wanted some sympathy. I told her if she continues contact with him I would start hanging with sluts and send her pictures. I told him I would stomp his ass if he kept contacting her. I got pretty nasty with her before we finally made up and resolved it. 11/12/2016 I have been off the diary except sporadically for a while. I thought I was getting better: No such luck. Started driving to class today and threw up all over myself and my car. I am extremely nauseous, and have a tremendous headache.  I get hungry as hell, but then get full after only two or three bites of food. Death would be a blessing. No energy, listless, no ambition, no drive. Headaches are the norm for me, and the ear infection is chronic with constant tinnitus. 11/13/2016 pretty much the same as yesterday. a general feeling of malaise, nauseated. 12/4/2016 I was invited to Christmas dinner. I hope I can have the energy to go. It is getting to the point I don’t even want to be around anyone. I just want to be in the comfort of my own home. Becoming even more of a recluse than normal. New medication regimen seems to be working a little better. Still feel weak and sleepy most of the time. I guess tinnitus will be permanent. 12/12/2016 Was invited to a show free of charge to sell my jewelry. I don’t have the stamina to set up my display, much less be there several hours. Headaches are normal, and tinnitus is constant. 4 days now with no sleep. Period. Zilch. Nada. Bupkis. 12/24/2016 I can’t make it to the Christmas dinner I was invited to. I don’t have the energy to go. Staying home and cooking chicken with vegetables. 11/14/2017 It has been a long time since the last entry, but what's the point? At least by reading it I discover again the pain and shitty feeling all the time are not new. I don't know what the merit is in that, but it makes me feel like maybe I am not getting worse: I just get the unparalleled joy of feeling like total ** all the time: Nausea - constant; headache - constant; tinnitus - constant. It is all 24/7/ 365 until I manage to sleep for a little while - 3 or if I'm lucky, 4 hours at a time.  YIPPEE!!! On a different note, Jecca and I are no longer together. When I incurred tremendous financial burdens because of the CHF, she no longer wanted to stick around. It has really done a number on me emotionally, but on the other hand, it wouldn't be fair to want her to stick around and watch me die, becoming a widow in the prime of her life.   I would like at my funeral, Crossing the Bar read during the service: Crossing the Bar   BY ALFRED, LORD TENNYSON Sunset and evening star,    And one clear call for me!   And may there be no moaning of the bar,    When I put out to sea,     But such a tide as moving seems asleep,    Too full for sound and foam,   When that which drew from out the boundless deep    Turns again home.   Twilight and evening bell,    And after that the dark!     And may there be no sadness of farewell,    When I embark;     For tho’ from out our bourne of Time and Place    The flood may bear me far,   I hope to see my Pilot face to face    When I have cross’d the bar.                                                                                                                                         9/12/2018                                                                                                                It has been quite a while since my last entry, but each day is  rehash of every other day.  To add to the fun of my life, My right shoulder has started hurting and I am in excruciating pain. It is from an old exercise injury from doing back arm pushups, when I tore my rotator cuff. I can't afford another doctor bill, and have to live with it. 10/22/2018                                                                                                                                                                                                                         My shoulder still hurts. I can barely lift it shoulder high, and it wakes me up hurting like hell. I only sleep 2 or 3 hours at a time because of it, and have to move it with my left hand until I am awake a little while and it limbers up again. The Tylenol the doctors told me I can take for pain aint sh*t...I might as well be taking Gummy Bears for pain... I started an online ministry - not much participation - only 24 members after a few months, but I post sermons and positive thoughts for the day, most of the time twice a day on the positive thoughts.. Well, I will stop blubbering. Nothing can change, unless I somehow have the good fortune of being hit by a Mack truck or a meteor falling from the sky to put me out of my misery, or something like that. Yippee ki yay. Anecdote: I may seem at times to not have much patience with people when they have their little foibles. I am not cold hearted, and have tremendous empathy when people are truly in pain or have grief. It is the little mundane bs that people grouse about that annoys me.

[a-year-of-musicals]

Day 149/365 - Blitz!

By Lionel Bart and Joan Maitland

The action opens on Bank underground station where the residents of Petticoat Lane are sheltering from yet another air raid (Our Hotel). Amongst them are the two prominent families of the street, the Blitzteins, led by their patriarchal mother and the Lockes, led by father Alfred. The two welcome home their respective sons Georgie Locke and Harry Blitztein who are home on embarkation leave for a week before shipping out to fight with the Army. Harry has a new older girlfriend in tow, Joyce, who is not only not Jewish but married, much to his mother's horror. Georgie, meanwhile, has caught sight of Mrs Blitztein's daughter Carol, who has grown into a beautiful young woman during his absence and is instantly smitten.

Carol likewise is rather struck by the young soldier and they quickly hit it off, before their parents interfere, resulting in their usual round of bickering which never involves them directly speaking to each other but rather through other people (Tell Him, Tell Her). As the argument settles down, Georgie pulls Harry to one side to inform him that he is in love with Carol. Whilst Harry is not against such a union, he advises against it as he knows there could be trouble (I Wanna Whisper Something). The wireless is put on so the residents can listen to the news, which includes a speech by Winston Churchill, and a song by Vera Lynn (The Day After Tomorrow). Ernie Nearmiss, Alf's best friend and fellow air raid warden, arrives to inform those in the shelter that the Blackwell's house has been destroyed by a bomb and Mr and Mrs Blackwell were still inside at the time, having refused to go down to the shelter.

Their son Tommy, who is in the shelter with the Blitzteins, is thankfully asleep and doesn't hear, but Mrs Blitztein decides that she will send Tommy with her own son Siddy into the country for safety. The next day, the children of the street, apart from Georgie's sister Franie, are assembled to be evacuated and are waved goodbye by their mums (We're Going to The Country). No sooner have the children gone than the bombings get worse; the firemen and ARP are kept very busy and every morning the residents of Petticoat Lane emerge from the shelter not knowing what to expect, but are determined not to let it get them down (Another Morning). On this particular day, they emerge to find the gas mains have been hit and they are not allowed into their homes. Princlet Street has also been completely destroyed leaving several families homeless, including the Murphys and Sens. Alf takes the Murphys in whilst Mrs Blitztein accommodates the Sens. Mrs Blitztein is very frustrated and begins to have a long rant about Hitler and is soon joined by the others (Who's This Geezer Hitler?) Harry re-appears after a week's disappearance and he is immediately put to work by his mother as punishment for not telling her where he was.

Carol and Georgie manage to get a minute to themselves and it is revealed that they have been spending a lot of time together over the last week. Georgie, prior to leaving for duty the next day, asks Carol if she'll wait for him, but before she can answer their parents appear once again. Mrs Blitztein is in full flow about her children and how they have disappointed her - Carol by breaking off her relationship with a Jewish boy because of Georgie and now Harry for having relations with a married woman (She's At It Again). An official appears on the scene to conduct a census of all the people in the area who have foreign sounding names to find out how many there are and how long they've been in the area. Whilst this is going on, Alf and Ernie engage in a patriotic rant (As Long As This Is England). That night, Carol and Georgie sneak out together to spend one last night together before Georgie goes abroad.

Their parents look for them but in vain. Carol and Georgie have a laugh at both their parents and their stubborn ways, and reflect on how the fact they are from such different backgrounds actually make them more suited (Opposites). They are interrupted by the air raid siren, but rather than go down to the shelter, they take cover in a doorway (Magic Doorway). Mrs Blitztein, searching for Harry, discovers them and is not less than impressed. Georgie volunteers to pay Joyce a visit and see if Harry is there. Carol meanwhile goes to find Harry herself, leaving Mrs Blitztein alone with her cake tin (Bake a Cake). She then overhears some men in the process of stealing lead pipes and is shocked to discover Harry amongst them. Harry announces to his mother he is not going back to the army as he's had enough. Mrs Blitztein is about to go after him when a bomb goes off nearby, followed by a scream from Carol.

The next day at Victoria Station, Georgie is waiting for Carol to see him off and for Harry to report for duty. When Harry doesn't show, Elsie, his former girlfriend who is still rather taken with him, tries to buy him time by distracting the Sergeant Major (Leave It To The Ladies). Mrs Blitztein arrives after having been at the hospital with Carol all night and is upset that Harry has not turned up. She informs Georgie that Carol was unable to come and see him off. Georgie informs Mrs Blitztein of his love for Carol and his intention to marry her when he returns, and is surprised when she agrees and seems more gentle towards him than before. The soldiers depart and Mrs Blitztein is left alone.

Act Two opens six months later with Carol (now blind after the bomb blast) alone on Petticoat Lane, thinking of Georgie, who she has not seen at all in that time (Far Away). The Sunday market is slowly beginning to set up and people are discussing Carol and how the bombing seems to have calmed down at last. Alf is pleased as he's had a letter from Georgie to say he's coming home for good after losing a kidney, and even better he doesn't want Carol or her mother to know he's coming, which Alf believes means he's going to finish with Carol.

The market is soon in full swing (Petticoat Lane) and the children return from the country (We've Been To See The Country). With the children having returned, the market starts its usual business, with Elsie commenting on the variety of people one meets at the Petticoat Lane market (Down The Lane). Carol, who is helping out on her Mum's pickled herring stall, asks Mrs Blitztein if what Franie has told her about Georgie coming home is true. Mrs Blitztein is forced to admit it is. Carol is confused as to why Georgie did not tell her he was coming home and worries that he has gone off her because she is blind. Mrs Blitztein tries to reassure her daughter but is secretly thinking the same thing. The Military Police arrive to enquire about Harry's whereabouts as he is still on the run from the army, followed by Joyce who has not seen Harry herself in a long time. Mrs Blitztein is in despair - her daughter is blind and unhappy and her son is a crook on the run. In a moment of desperation, she offers up a prayer to her late husband Jack, pleading for guidance (So Tell Me Jack).

That evening, the adults are assembling in the pub, leaving the children outside to amuse themselves with a game of Mums and Dads (Mums and Dads). After the other children are scared off by Tommy Blackwell and his horror book, Georgie emerges from the pub very drunk and depressed. Feeling a failure as a soldier, a son and a boyfriend he is drowning his sorrows. He is approached by Harry, who reveals that he has spent the last 6 months working on the black market and hiding from the military but has come back to see Carol having only just heard about what happened in the explosion. Georgie confesses that he too is yet to see Carol and it's clear whilst on one side he wants to see her he's too scared to do so. He makes out that Harry had the right idea running away, missing out on the fighting and death. Harry, on the other hand, seems to be fed up with life on the run and is clearly beginning to wish he had just faced his duty. The two agree to meet up later in the evening due to the area being too public where they are.

Georgie, now alone, goes into a drunken rant (Who Wants To Settle Down). Mrs Blitztein is next to discover him and she welcomes him home while triying to sound him out about Carol. Georgie admits the army was too much for him as all the killing and violence has altered his view on life and Carol probably wouldn't like the new him. Mrs Blitztein rubbishes the whole thing, telling Georgie that everyone has had to put up with the same thing at home and it hasn't changed any of them. She tells Georgie that she's very proud of him for going to fight for them and facing up to his responsibilities, unlike Harry, of whom she is very ashamed. She admits she misjudged Georgie because of her dislike of his father but tells him that she would be proud to have Georgie in her family. Georgie admits he still loves Carol as much as he ever did, if not more, but he doesn't think he's good enough for her. Mrs Blitztein informs him that in Carol's eyes no one else apart from Georgie would be good enough. She goes to fetch Carol, whilst Georgie is reunited with his father and Franie.

Carol is brought to Georgie and the two enjoy an emotional reunion, during which Georgie proposes (Is This Gonna Be A Wedding). At the wedding, Alf is still not happy about his son marrying a Blitztein but resigns himself to it, although not without a few snide remarks, particularly towards Mrs Blitztein. Harry then appears to congratulate Georgie and Carol and announce he is going to fulfil his rightful duty by returning to the army (Duty Calls). The wedding party depart and Mrs Blitztein is left alone when a bomb hits. She is rescued from the rubble by Alf but neither are very gracious either in thanking or receiving that thanks and they leave still arguing, but in a huge step forward they are conversing directly rather than through other people, and the crowd once again come together in union (Who's This Geezer Hitler? - Reprise).

Favourite Songs: Mums And Dads, Leave It To The Ladies, Far Away (my favourite) and As Long As This Is England.

Favourite Character: Mrs Blitztein

She’s a strong, bolshy, Jewish woman and an excellent mother!

[my-one-love-is-music]

Prompt ideas: Damian and Colin stalking Timkon on a date? Autistic!Hummingbird cuddles? Super angsty lonely Tim thinking he's been abandoned for any reason? Kori and Artemis of Bana-Mighdall bonding over how high-maintenance Jason is?

I do love some good Tim angst huehuehue

For Write 365 Day 353!

Tim coughed and fought back another vicious shiver that wracked his form. The corner of the cell he was curled up in was damp and dark. He was glad his wrist computer still had the bare minimum functions because he didn’t have a window wherever he was being kept and would have no sense of time without his clock.

His meals couldn’t even really be called meals. Most of what he got was a bottle of water and a small chunk of bread. Sometimes that came three times a day, sometimes it came once. He’d yet to go an entire day without any food or water and hoped that meant they at least had an intention of keeping him alive.

The first three days had left Tim with the hope that someone would be right behind him. And if they weren’t that they’d soon enough notice he wasn’t around. He did have a tendency to throw himself into work and not see people for a couple days but if he wasn’t patrolling, that would have to set off an alarm bell that would cause someone to look for him.

Once night approached of the fourth day, Tim fought to come up with a reason as to why no one had come for him yet. He made up stories about them frantically searching for him and struggling to find a lead, but he comforted himself with the idea they were still looking.

He’d tried sending out a signal, but he was 75% certain his computer wasn’t working properly and had gotten smashed when he was pulled from the roof and slammed into the side of the brick building.

After the first week of captivity, Tim’s hopes were practically nonexistent. The voice in the back of his head that was trying to make him doubt his sanity and everything around him had come to the forefront and was ruling every thought.

No one was going to come for him. He was going to die in whatever hell he’d been trapped in and his captors were probably going to be able to have their way with him.

Tim wasn’t even sure if he cared what they did anymore. If they didn’t even bring him food it didn’t seem like that big of a deal. He was numb to most things now. The only thing that was really getting to him was the cold that never seemed to leave his bones.

The metal door keeping him imprisoned groaned and squeaked harshly in the silence as it was pulled open. Tim squinted against the light that flooded the room and didn’t even bother lifting his head with the familiar sound of a water bottle hitting the concrete floor met his ears. A softer thump came a second later from the bread as it landed.

The door squeaked and groaned again before the light was cut off and he was plunged back into darkness.

Tim wiggled a hand underneath his chest and pushed against the floor, arms shaking as he sat up. He rolled onto his hands and knees and crawled towards the food and water. His limbs were heavy as he forced them to move and if he wasn’t thirsty, he wouldn’t even bother to get up because of how much he ached.

He settled into a cross-legged position and picked up the water, weakly turning the cap until it came off, fingers fumbling more than once with the small piece of plastic. He took slow sips, wanting nothing more than to get some sleep and forget that he ever thought he had a family who cared about him.

He knew Bruce didn’t always give much thought to them since he was so focused on Gotham and the multiples cases he always seemed to be working on, but he would’ve thought Dick or even Alfred would’ve noticed his absence. And even Damian would complain of him being lazy so it was brought to everyone’s attention. He didn’t have much faith in Jason since he was probably glad not to see him around so much.

Tim sniffed and swiped at the skin below the tattered edges of his domino that was miraculously hanging on after the rough treatment he’d had.

He should’ve expected better. No one really cared to have him around and they were probably glad that he was gone and out of their hair for the moment.

Tim braced a hand against the floor and slowly lowered himself to the ground, curling up on his side. He wrapped his arms around his stomach and let his eyes slide shut, wishing he could lose himself to sleep, but even that had lost its ability to comfort him over the past few weeks.

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[sociallyawkwardfoxwriter]

Write for 365: Day 114

Tugging On Your Sleeve Part Four

After hours of running through scenarios in his head and trying to come up with the best possible solution, Tim realized there was no way the conversation would be anything but painful. Maybe if he was better with people like Dick or Alfred he would have been able to come up with something to make the conversation less painful. The fact Tim couldn’t think of a good way to have an important conversation with Jason about their relationship was something that bugged him. Neither of them were particularly good at people and being faced with the issue had Tim wondering if Dick was onto something when he asked if they were breaking up. It brought up insecurities that had Tim feeling so vulnerable he couldn’t stop the word vomit that spilled out of his mouth.

“Are we breaking up? Did I miss that memo at some point? I keep trying to pinpoint what I could have done to make this fall apart so quickly. Was it something I said? Did I do something wrong that I don’t know about? I really don’t know what I’ve done. There has to be something though, right? I did something, and I didn’t even notice.”

Jason kept Tim’s smaller body pressed to his chest as he sat up in their bed, so his back was resting against the headboard and flicked on the lamp on the bedside table. “Where is this coming from?”

“It’s just… Dick wanted to know what was wrong with us and I thought he was being his normal ridiculous self, but then Damian brought it up. Did you really break someone’s collarbone because they asked if you were being forced to sleep on the couch?”

“Yes. That doesn’t matter though. Why would you think I’m breaking up with you?”

“Are you?”

“Tim.”

“I’m not good at this. I really am trying though. I know I’m not the easiest person to get along with. I work too much and I can be too serious and I have some annoying habits, but I’m trying to be better. I thought I was doing better.”

“Timbers, hey. Look at me.” Jason’s large hands encompassed Tim’s face and delicately tipped it up until he was looking Jason in the eye with huge, watery eyes. “There’s no need to cry. I wouldn’t break up with you if someone was demanding me to with a gun pointed at my head. The best parts of my day are always the ones I spend with you. Honestly, Timmers, I thought you were getting ready to end it.”

“What? Why?”

“Well were not exactly the poster children for emotional stability and I think we’re both allergic to talking about feelings. Sure, we fight about the dumb stuff like who’s turn it is to do laundry, but anything having to do with emotions isn’t talked about. We’re more actions speak louder than words people and you’ve been pulling away recently.”

“I have?”

Jason let his head fall back against the headboard with a sigh and looked like whatever he was about to say was going to be uncomfortable. “This is going to sound so ridiculous. You used to be grabby. You weren’t when we first start this, but then you started to do it more and more and I figured it was because you were comfortable. It seemed so thoughtless, like you didn’t have to hesitate around me anymore. When you stopped doing it, I thought it was pretty clear what you were planning. It seemed pretty purposeful.”

“But you don’t like it when I do it.”

“Why in the world would you think that?”

“When Dick brought it up, you got so mad. So, I started to pay more attention and I realized I was always tugging on your sleeves to make you do things. I thought you didn’t like it but didn’t want to say anything, so I forced myself to stop. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“For the smartest person I know, you can be a real idiot sometimes. Timbo, Dick and I’s entire relationship revolves around him annoying me to the point I want to punch that obnoxious smile off his face. If it wasn’t about the tugging, it would have been something else.”

“So, you don’t mind it?”

“You’re a bossy one, Timmers.” Jason used his hold on Tim to flip him over and pin the younger man under his body. “I would expect nothing less than you dragging me around. Can we sleep now? Crisis averted?”

“Crisis averted. Night, Jay.”

“Night, Timbers.”

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Write for 365 Collection

[d1tman-blog]

Not to get ll maudlin and shit, but if I seem impatient sometimes,...well, here is an excerpt from my diary, started when I contracted Congestive Heart Failure and Atrial Fibrillation...

Diary Excerpts 3 The background story really starts in my childhood: I contracted Rheumatic Fever when I was 9 years old, a disease that left me with a damaged valve in my heart, and a slight heart murmur.  Before you get started on the diary, put something that mildly buzzes next to your ear. Keep it there a few minutes. That is one of the things I have going on 24/7/365, and have had it for 3 years (tinnitus). Now get a belt and tighten it as tight as you can by hand around your head. that is what I feel 24/7/365:                                                             My life changed drastically and unalterably in early October, 2015. I had gotten that terrible flu that went round Atlanta and did not understand or recognize it's severity until I felt as if I would not draw another breath. I woke up one Sunday morning unable to breathe. I could only breathe sitting straight up. Monday morning I made a doctor appointment with my general practitioner. To make a long story short, I ended up in the hospital in late October  for the 1st of 11 times, sometimes only 5 days per stay, sometiems as long as 9 days (as of 5/23/2018).  I remained in the hospital a week. The flu had developed into pneumonia, and bacteria from the pneumonia damaged my heart even more than the childhood illness did), causing congestive heart failure, atrial fibrillation, and an enlarged heart. Complications from these and from the medicines to combat it have also caused renal insufficiency and elevated liver enzymes. I am now on 9 medications to combat the diseases. I have also had two TIAs (mini strokes) and precancerous polyps were removed from my colon. To those who will be conducting and/or involved in my funeral:                                                     Don't spend any more money than necessary to bury me. If I am near death and someone finds me, don't use heroic measures to save me. Just keep me from as much pain as possible. It is in many respects difficult to contemplate death, but the facts and my present condition preclude a long life, so I will end this journey shortly.  I am comforted by the words attributed to Julius Caeser in Shakespeare's novel: " Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant taste of death but once. Of all the wonders that I yet have heard, It seems to me most strange that men should fear death, Seeing that death, a necessary end, Will come when it will come." To be honest, I will be glad when this life of misery and pain is over. I wish it would have been different.  I wish that all I had dreamed and aspired to had become reality. The circumstances have dealt a different path though. I have taken a very different road in life than I ever would have imagined. There is so much to say: The loss of broken and unrealized dreams, expectations unfilled, life cut short. I hope my ramblings on Facebook, Twitter and tumblr, and my encounters on this journey called life have had a positive impact on someone, and that I have made a positive difference in someone's life. I will keep a diary starting on page two of this document. I hope to live a long life, but It doesn't seem like that is to be. I have made some tremendous mistakes in my life, but hope the good I have done outweighs the bad. There isn't a day that goes by when I am not saddened unbearably by losing the love of family.  To everyone, I love you.

Diary: 10/18/2016. I felt pretty fair throughout most of the day, although I haven't slept a lot. I haven't really kept track but I believe I slept about 4 hours from 4:30am until 8:30am, then from about 2:30pm until 4:30pm. I feel like **** now. Weak, heart beating hard... I think nearly every day about not living through this any more...Congestive heart failure, atrial fibrillation, and an enlarged heart - it is a bitch to live with - no energy, no stamina, hurting or in some type of discomfort constantly. 10/20/2016 I feel a little bit better today - still no energy to speak of. I hurt my back, so am dealing with that in addition to everything else. I think I have made contact with someone - a public defender - who can help Kevin. I stay tired and sleepy nearly all the time... 10/21/2016 Can't sleep. Heart racing, lungs feel tight. 10/22/2016 went back on Proventil inhaler. I think last dose was about 10:45pm 10/21/2016. Have to wait another hour for another dose. can't breathe. Weak stomach tight/bloated. have dry cough. able to sleep 5 hours after 2nd dose of Proventil. Still no energy, no stamina. Throat and mouth dry. slept another 3 hours. Ear infection is back. Ear infection is bothering the hell out of me. Constant ringing. a little sick - don't know if it is from ear infection or other malady - had runny stool several times yesterday. Lost my appetite. Got prescriptions and started back taking them. I hope it gets me feeling better. Kevin's arraignment was Wednesday - charged with felony marijuana possession, misdemeanor marijuana possession, and drug paraphernalia. Finally getting a little hungry. Ate 1/2 Big Mac large meal earlier; Will finish it. Lasix is working me over. 10/23/2016 hard to breathe - can't sleep well. yet am almost overpoweringly sleepy. I finally got a little sleep - about 5 hours. Stomach is cramping, still no energy, no stamina. 10/24/2016 Woke up early - hard to breathe. don't have stamina or energy for ****. Get extremely tired when sitting in a chair and need to lie down and rest, but it takes a long time to sleep - if I am able to - because it is hard to breathe lying down.  made a doctor's appointment for Thursday at 3:30pm. 10/25/2016 same as yesterday. may be getting a little worse. 10/26/2016 my worst day yet. same as the days above, but can't get relief even for a moment. Constant pain and discomfort, tightening band around my head - helluva headache 11/8/2016 Still feel nauseous about 3/4 of the day each day. Doctors think it is the medicine that makes me sick: Indications for some of the meds say will make you sick. Kevin still has shitty attitude. He doesn't get it that he will need to impress the hell out of the jailers to get conditional release program. 11/11/2016 Sick as ****. I hope that is what is causing me to be so confrontational with people rather than me turning into an a**hole. I went off on Jecca. Got jealous because she contacted an old boyfriend of hers. Turns out he called her because he has some type of injury to  his hand and foot and wanted some sympathy. I told her if she continues contact with him I would start hanging with sluts and send her pictures. I told him I would stomp his ass if he kept contacting her. I got pretty nasty with her before we finally made up and resolved it. 11/12/2016 I have been off the diary except sporadically for a while. I thought I was getting better: No such luck. Started driving to class today and threw up all over myself and my car. I am extremely nauseous, and have a tremendous headache.  I get hungry as hell, but then get full after only two or three bites of food. Death would be a blessing. No energy, listless, no ambition, no drive. Headaches are the norm for me, and the ear infection is chronic with constant tinnitus. 11/13/2016 pretty much the same as yesterday. a general feeling of malaise, nauseated. 12/4/2016 I was invited to Christmas dinner. I hope I can have the energy to go. It is getting to the point I don’t even want to be around anyone. I just want to be in the comfort of my own home. Becoming even more of a recluse than normal. New medication regimen seems to be working a little better. Still feel weak and sleepy most of the time. I guess tinnitus will be permanent. 12/12/2016 Was invited to a show free of charge to sell my jewelry. I don’t have the stamina to set up my display, much less be there several hours. Headaches are normal, and tinnitus is constant. 4 days now with no sleep. Period. Zilch. Nada. Bupkiss. 12/24/2016 I can’t make it to the Christmas dinner I was invited to. I don’t have the energy to go. Staying home and cooking chicken with vegetables. 11/14/2017 It has been a long time since the last entry, but what's the point? At least by reading it I discover again the pain and shitty feeling all the time are not new. I don't know what the merit is in that, but it makes me feel like maybe I am not getting worse: I just get the unparralled joy of feeling like total **** all the time: Nausea - constant; headache - constant; tinitus - constant. It is all 24/7/ 365 until I manage to sleep for a little while - 3 or if I'm lucky, 4 hours at a time.  YIPPEE!!! On a different note, Jecca and I are no longer together. When I incurred tremendous financial burdens because of the CHF, she no longer wanted to stick around. It has really done a number on me emotionally, but on the other hand, it wouldn't be fair to want her to stick around and watch me die, becoming a widow in the prime of her life.   I would like at my funeral, Crossing the Bar read during the service: Crossing the Bar   BY ALFRED, LORD TENNYSON Sunset and evening star,    And one clear call for me!   And may there be no moaning of the bar,    When I put out to sea,  

But such a tide as moving seems asleep,    Too full for sound and foam,   When that which drew from out the boundless deep    Turns again home.  

Twilight and evening bell,    And after that the dark!     And may there be no sadness of farewell,    When I embark;  

For tho’ from out our bourne of Time and Place    The flood may bear me far,   I hope to see my Pilot face to face    When I have cross’d the bar. I started an online ministry - not much participation - only 22 members after a few months, but I post sermons and positive thoughts for the day, most of the time twice a day on the positive thoughts. Well, I will stop blubbering and blathering now. Nothing can change, unless I somehow have the good fortune of being hit by a Mack truck or a meteor falling from the sky to put me out of my misery, or something like that. Yippee kayay. Anecdote: I may seem at times to not have much patience with people when they have their little foibles. I am not cold hearted, and have tremendous empathy when people are truly in pain or have grief. It is the little mundane bs that people grouse about that annoys me. My sister  died when she was 15 and I was 16, from leukemia. My youngest brother died when he was 3 and I was 17, from aplastic anemia. My other brother died when he was 45 and I was 53, from a lifetime of alcohol and drug abuse. Both my parents died several years ago, and I am the only one left in my original family, and the only close relative I have is my son, who is now 30 yrs old. My girlfriend at the time (1977) died in my arms  because she had been to a party and OD'd from booting cocaine.  I was driving north on I-285 just north of Atlanta in 1984 when I saw a car lose control and t-bone another one, splitting it into. They both burst into flames. I was just behind them and drove through the flames, stopped and tried to rescue the people I saw burning in one of the cars. I couldn't get in to them because the flames had engulfed the car and I had to watch them burn, unable to help. I was driving on a state highway near my house when I was still a teenager and saw a car lose control and run into a delivery truck. The truck flipped over on its top, and the car slid in a ditch. When I got to the car (this was before padded steering wheels and air bags) I found the driver with part of the steering wheel sticking out of his throat. Both occupants were dying. All this is to say I have seen far more than my share of death and I have no patience with people who complain about little mundane things. On the other side of the fortune coin, I lost control of my car during a rain storm in which I ran over a board with a nail in it and blew out a tire in the rain slick highway: I rolled several times and was hit with the car jack in the head before coming to a stop at the bottom of a 27 foot embankment, but was not seriously injured. I was with a group of musicians in 1969 during the Piedmont Arts Festival in Atlanta, when we drove to the countryside with 3 cases of Red Ripple wine, using them as seats.  The driver lost control of the van and we rolled several times down an embankment, and all but two bottles of wine broke. None of us were seriously injured. So forgive me if sometimes am a bit impatient and high strung.  A friend once said, "Don't sweat the small stuff".