#9 dollars a piece

[iszzyb]

[aviatrix-ash]

The weird aviator itch to want to learn how to navigate at night by the stars in an open cockpit biplane simply so you can 1 up the stuck up boomer pilots who somehow think new pilots can't navigate via dead reckoning because we can get our maps on an iPad. (':

Also I kinda want to do it just to do it. Seems fun 😌

[theicemer]

ok I wanted to come here and make a very calculated post about kpop photocards and member pricing but I’m actually so angry that it would just be a bunch of curse words so I’ll leave this here without a further comment

[lovingmattysposts]

Quiet 9

P1 P2 P3 P4 P5 P6 P7 P8

pairing: y/n and Matt sturniolo

summary: a girl with a lot of baggage and a boy with even more try to help put each others pieces back together one by one. A story about a girl who’s broken and a boy who doesn’t talk

warnings: none I don’t think? Maybe suggestive?

-----------------------------------------------------

I knocked softly on the front door before stepping back. I felt my stomach twist as I waited for Jake to answer the door.

His house was ridiculous. 5 cars in the driveway, with a huge garage. A garden displaying in the front and gates that wrap around the entire house. I looked down at my clothes and tugged my shorts uncomfortably.

I let out an uneasy breath. I felt uneasy about this whole thing. The way Jake acted in front of Matt today, biology in general. I'm not even good at biology, I just jumped at the opportunity at being friends.

I shuffled my feet, I've never felt more shitty about myself. Never felt like such a liar. That's what I was. Everything about me he's seen so far was fake.

I swallowed.

The door opened and Jake's eyes landed down on mine. I couldn't not glance down at his state. His hair pushed back, his chest bare, out of breath and sweaty. He smiled and I filcked my eyes up to his and my cheeks pinkened. He just watched me checkhim out.

"Hey" He crossed him arms over his chest as he looked down at me. I let out a breath his abs mocking me as I avoided looking. "Hey" I answered, my voice shaking.

"I just got done working out, I was afraid you weren't coming" He smiled tilting his head, his eyes grazing my figure just as I'd done to him. I crossed my arms over myself as I turned and looked around to pretend I didn't notice.

"Your home is......beautiful" I breathed as I looked around. He glanced around before nodding. "Thank you, my mom takes pride in it. It's annoyingly noticeable" He chuckled before stepping back in the threshold.

"Come in" He motioned me in. I stepped forward before walking in. Everything was clean, everything was white. I couldn't help the face I made as my eyes widened in my surroundings.

"You look like you've seen a ghost, come on" He chuckled, placing his hand on my arm and pulling me towards the stairs. I sighed as I looked around. It looked like one of those homes on a tv show. Like the relator tv shows titled "How to sell a multimillion dollar home"

I swallowed.

The furniture screamed at me "You don't belong here"

I looked up at Jake as we made our way up the steps. He sighed once we finally made it up the steps. Still, I glanced around like I was in a museum. He pushed the door at the end of the hall open and we walked in.

His bedroom was dark, like any typical teenage boy's room. Poster's that held jeresey hung next to his flatscreen tv. His bed covered in navy sheets and comforter and expensive colonges on a shelf next to the bed.

It didn’t look like Matt’s room. It didn’t feel like Matt’s room.

"Welcome to the estate" He chuckled as he opened one of his drawers and pulled out a t-shirt to put on. I looked over at him as his muscles flexed and the abs were hidden again behind the fabric.

Clean cut, muscle-y guys have never really been my type. Not that I have a type, but I'm just not overly attracted to it like most girls. I've know guys who mirror Jake's physique and have the personalities of the ping pong balls they like to throw into cups full of beer.

Disappointing really. Still, girls would fall to their knees at one flash of there lined stomachs. I never saw the appeal personally. Not that they ever wanted me to anyway.

"I look like Matt, I am your type"

I looked down blinking to stop the memory.

"Are you okay?" Jake walked over to me smiling. I looked back up and gave him a quick nod as I shook the memory of Chris’s words out of my head. He approached me and peered down at me until our bodies were almost pressed together. I didn't move.

His hand came against my waist.

"Good" He smiled looking down at me. I forced a smile hoping he couldn't see the nervousness that lied within my smile.

"Come here" He said moving past me and grabbing my arm. I let him pull me until he sat me down against his bed.

He reached over onto his desk pulling out a textbook and plopping it next to me.

"It's your job to make sure I don't fail this next test" He breathed before sitting down next to me. I looked over at him chuckling.

"I said I’d help, I never said how much help I would be" I said shaking my head. He just held my stare. "I trust you" He said before opening the book.

-

Jake stared down at the page and then looked up at me.

"What?" He shook his head raising his eyebrows. I blinked at him. "What do you mean, what?" I asked back. He looked back down at the page.

"The cells--" I pointed to the page. "They have to connect. That's how they survive. It wouldn't make sense otherwise. You can't but them together wrong--they would physically explode" I breathed pointing to the page. He stared down at it.

"....Right" He tapped his pencil. I sighed and fell against his pillows. "Are you even retaining any of this?" I chuckled as I looked down at him. He glanced up at me before he dropped his head chuckling.

"It's hard to focus"

"The topic's not hard"

"That’s not what I meant" He looked up. I blinked down at him holding his stare before he sighed and looked back down. I could have swore his eyes scaled down me before he did.

"You're smart" He breathed. I pursed my lips and looked down at him. "I'm not that smart" I shook my head, I truly wasn’t. He licked his lips and then looked back down at the paper before closing the book and pushing it away from him.

I just watched him.

"I think you're smarter than you think" He said looking at me. I glanced from him to the closed book against the bed. "What?" I swallowed. He sighed and looked to the side.

Silence came between us before he sat up slightly and turned his attention to me.

"I don't think i've ever had to try this hard to get a girl to want to kiss me"

My eyes widened at his statement.

"What?" My voice wobbled again. He tapped his pencil before discarding it.

"I apologize if I'm forward, but why do you think I invited you to my game--or out with my friends...or to help with biology" He breathed motioning to the discarded book. I smacked my lips as I looked towards the book.

"I thought you....needed help with biology" I felt my nerves come up my throat. He wanted to kiss me. A boy's never said that to me before. Or wanted to do that before. I forced myself to not hug my arms out of nervousness. Was it hot in here? I let out a breath.

"I did---I do." He shook his head looking down. He glanced up at me. "I just..." He glanced down my face.

"You're really fucking pretty, and nice." He said shaking his head. “I don’t know may nice girls” His hand came over my knee. I looked down at it. My face reddened at his sentence. He chuckled. He tilted his head.

“Nadia’s nice” I spoke. He sighed and looked down. “Nadia’s sleeping with Tyler, I don’t do sloppy seconds” He raised his eyebrows.

The choice of words, I felt in my gut. It sat with me the wrong way. I opened my mouth to speak.

"I can help but want to...feel your lips against mine." He said softly. I looked down at my lap and let out a nervous laugh.

"I don't think you want that Jake. Lacey--She seems to really like you. I wouldn't want--" I shook my head.

"Lacey's not—“ He shook his head. “Lacey doesn’t have your lips” he breathed his fingers coming and brushing over my mouth. I just looked up at him.

“Or your smile.” He whispered, his finger coming under my chin. I opened my mouth and then closed it. "Jake-" I breathed swallowing. He sighed and looked off, before dropping his hand.

“Okay sorry” He breathed. “I got carried away” He shook his head.

"Please, tell me more about the cells, I'm interested" He smiled before moving next to me and laying on the pillow next to mine. I just looked at him feeling the chills run up my body.

"They...um" I cleared my throat as he looked at me. Staring directly at me.

"They--" I took in a breath, and then his lips were on mine.

My eyes widened as he moved his lips against mine, before I closed them and leaned into the kiss. His hands found my waist before he rolled over on top of me, one hand on my waist, the other under my chin.

Oh my god, I was kissing a boy.

As our lips moved together, he moved his hand against my sides. He bit down on my bottom lip before he slipped his tonuge into my mouth. Weird fucking feeling.

Panic sprung throughout me.

I pulled back. Jake opened his eyes as he hovered over me. I stared up at him.

"Too fast?" He breathed, brushing hair out of my face. I attempted to catch my breath from the lack of air. I swallowed.

"No I--" I shook my head terrified to mess this up. "I just wasn't expecting any of this" I shook my head.

“Yeah? What’d you expect?” He smiled before his lips connected with the side of my face. I stared up at the ceiling.

He kissed right under my jaw.

"I thought we would--that we were--" his teeth sank down on my neck. "Friends" My voice cracked. He couldn't give me hickeys. He could not give me hickeys. I wouldn't be able to look Matt in the eyes.

Matt? Why the fuck was I worried about what Matt would think right now? The man with the three Porsche and a Jaguar parked in front of his house right now was biting your neck, and you're thinking about Matt.

Well, that and the butterly drawing. All of those books with the details in the spine. I fought back on my mind.

Y/n, fucking focus. It rebuttled.

"You thought we'd be friends?" He breathed against my ear. He pressed his lips right below my ear. "Does this feel like I wanna be friends?" He asked before pressing his lips against mine again, pushing his tounge back into my mouth.

His hand came under my knee as he gripped the back of my thigh as he kissed me harder. I attempted to match him.

This wasn't me. This wasn't me.

"Jake" I pulled from him. He looked down at me before dropping my leg. "What? Whats wrong? Is this not okay?” His hand came to the side of my face. I blinked up at him.

This was okay. A boy was kissing you, y/n. This was okay. I blinked up at him and for a split second I could have sworn his green eyes turned blue, Matt's blue.

"I've gotta go okay?" I whispered down at Matt who laid against the pillow next to mine. He might be asleep, I told myself. I couldn’t see his face. I didn't want to wake him.

He opened one of his blue eyes and peered up at me. He sighed before turning over, pulling the blanket over him, hiding his face from my view. It was almost 6, I had to go to Jake's.

"Don't miss me too much" I chuckled on the other side of him. He didn't react. I swallowed before I slid off his bed and turned off the tv.

"I'll meet you tomorrow, library. 7:30? Before school?" I asked softly as I grabbed his door handle. He didn't move, let alone respond to me. I stood there for a second before looking down at my feet.

"I'll see you tomorrow" I stated and then I left.

“It’s okay” I nodded. He smiled before he pressed his lips back down to mine. I smiled as I kissed him back, running my hands through his hair. He sighed against my mouth as he gripped my waist harder, running his fingers under my shirt.

His hand came back under my leg as he pressed our bodies together and his tongue explored my mouth, and I let it.

-

I could feel his eyes on me. I had my hood up and my head down. He wouldn’t stop looking. I glanced up at him finally. Matt met my eyes before he sighed and looked back down.

“What?” I asked staring at him. I was on edge enough, I didn’t need his staring too.

He let out a hard breath before he leaned over and tightened the strings to my hoodie to conceal my neck and tapped to his own neck. The same place where a mark laid on my own neck. As if to say:

Hide your hickeys better, I can see them.

My face turned red at my attempted to hide what I didn’t want Matt to see, but he already had. Embarrassing washed over me. I stared down at my page. Matt tapped his foot.

“It was my curling iron” I lied. He looked up at me, no emotion on his face. Nothing behind his eyes. He just looked back down at his notebook for a second before he closed it and stood up and walked away, not even glancing back.

I slumped back in my seat tightening my hoodie even further.

-

I went home after that. I didn't chase after him. I simply got up and walked out. I walked home, alone.

I didn't want to face Matt or Jake. Didn't want to look either of them in the eye. I shouldn't have went to school on the first place, so I went home.

I hunched over the mirror as I rubbed my neck, pressed a spoon to it, ice, everything in the book.

Everything just shined more red to my eyes the more I messed with it. Tears brimmed my eyes as I threw the spoon down and it hit the floor.

I couldn't get Matt's face out of my head. The way he looked at me, the way he stared at my neck. Knowing what it was. And I lied to him. And he knew I had.

I swallowed and hunched over the sink.

I reached up wiping the tears from my eyes before walking over to my bed and crawling under the sheets, pulling them under my chin.

I wondered if Matt was wondering where I was right now, if i went home, or if he didn't care—didn't notice my absence. I wondered what Jake was thinking. If he was waiting to talk to me. If it was a one time thing.

As each thought crossed my head, it made me feel more and more like an idiot. Sick to my stomach. Pathetic. I closed my eyes. I felt abandoned. I hated this.

Then a thought hit me and I stood up from my bed and I walked down my steps. A few seconds later I opened the door to see the white cat still perched on my porch. I sighed before bending down and picking it up.

"Hi Sparkle" I whispered as I held her up. She just looked down at me. "If I let you stay can you promise to never leave me?" I whispered. Blank stare. Kind of like Matt’s. I smiled at the kitty, before hugging it to my chest.

I walked up the stairs and to my bed. I crawled under the covers before Sparkle came over to the pillow next to mine, where Matt once sat and closed her eyes. I smiled running my hand behind her ears.

My smiled dropped. Sleep, I just needed....sleep.

[punkshort]

somewhere to run | 9. three lies

Pairing: sheriff!Joel x f!reader

Chapter Summary: Joel spends his day hunting down Patrick, and both you and Joel separately come to a depressing realization.

Chapter Warnings: language, angst, references to drug use, smut (MDNI 18+)

WC: 6.2K

Series Masterlist

When you awoke the next morning, eyes still closed as you stretched your arms and legs under the sheets, something seemed off. Your eyes snapped open, forgetting where you were momentarily. Glancing around, you quickly remembered the day before with a heavy heart. It had started out so perfectly, wrapped up in Joel's arms, and then everything went to shit the minute Patrick was released from jail.

The way he snarled at you when he confronted you at work was seared into your brain. The words he scrawled all over your bathroom walls were burned into the back of your eyelids. The sheer hopelessness you felt when you saw the wreckage of your little apartment still weighed heavily on your shoulders.

What were you going to do? You had some money saved up, but the damage he did to the apartment would clean you out, not to mention having to replace everything. Could you just sleep on the floor until you could afford a new mattress? Maybe you would get lucky at Goodwill and find a decent couch.

Just as you were formulating a plan to go to the dollar store for some new plates and cups, you heard soft voices and rummaging around in the kitchen below you. Glancing at the clock, you realized you had slept in a little later than you intended, so you quickly sat up and looked around.

Joel's mattress was much better than yours. It pulled you in the moment you laid down and you hardly moved an inch all night. You ran your hand over the soft, white sheets before standing up and tucking the blue comforter into the sides and fluffing the pillows, doing your best to leave it the way it was before you arrived.

The whole room smelled like him. It was overwhelming and confusing not having him there. Every time you inhaled, you expected to see him. You were grateful you were so exhausted last night, otherwise you were sure you would have tiptoed downstairs and curled up into his side.

After changing into clean clothes, you were about to head downstairs when you happened to catch your reflection in the mirror over his dresser. You yanked out your makeup bag and tried to do a quick job of covering the bruises and marks that remained. They were healing, but they were an ugly yellowish green color now, and you couldn't let Sarah know what really happened.

Once you were satisfied, you took a deep breath and swung open the door, heading down the steps. The smell of toast and the sounds of a frying pan being scraped became stronger the closer you got to the kitchen. You couldn't help but smile at the scene before you: Joel, freshly showered but still in his pajamas as he stirred eggs in a pan while Sarah hovered next to him, scolding him for letting some of the food burn.

They both whipped around when you softly cleared your throat, a small smile playing on your lips when they gave you a look like they had been caught doing something wrong.

"Mornin'," Joel said, fumbling with the burners on the stove before nudging Sarah to hand him a plate. "Wasn't sure what you liked. Eggs okay?"

"You've already done so much, you didn't have to-"

"We wanted to," Sarah said, handing you a plate of eggs and a piece of toast. You took it from her and gave her a smile before choosing a spot at their table and sitting down. Before you could even ask, Joel set down a cup of coffee in front of you with a wink.

"Sleep alright?" he asked, pulling out the chair next to you while Sarah dug into her food across the table. You noticed he chose to skip breakfast in favor of another cup of coffee and you frowned.

"Actually, yes. Thank you. I'll take the couch tonight," you said as you lifted your fork up to take your first bite. He shook his head and leaned back in his chair.

"No need. I usually end up fallin' asleep on the couch most nights, anyway," he said, then shot Sarah a look when she raised her eyebrows at him. That was the first lie he would tell that day. She grinned and ducked her head back down.

"How long will it take to fix your apartment?" she asked innocently. You froze, your fork hovering in the air, not sure what to say. Your eyes quickly shifted to Joel and he graciously stepped in.

"We'll find out more today once we get someone over there to look at it," he said, and that seemed to appease her because she nodded and pulled out her phone.

When she was distracted, Joel slipped his hand under the table to give your knee a reassuring squeeze. You glanced up at him and gave him a tight smile. Whatever this thing was between you was already getting complicated, and it had only barely been a day.

After breakfast, Joel got dressed for work while you did the dishes. Sarah sat at the kitchen island, her legs swinging off the edge of the stool as she flipped through a notebook, her eyebrows pinching together in frustration.

"Big test today?"

She glanced up at you and sighed.

"Yeah. English Lit. I love reading, but some of this stuff just goes right over my head."

"What're you being tested on?" you asked, drying the plates and leaving them in a stack on the counter when you suddenly realized you had no idea where anything went.

"The Great Gatsby. Have you ever read it?" she asked, looking up from her notebook.

"Yeah, a long time ago. I liked it. The parties and the lifestyle sounded so exciting," you replied as you began cleaning the frying pan.

"Well, I don't get it. Everyone's lying and cheating on everyone in this story and it ends in tragedy. Like, what did they think was going to happen?" she scoffed, flipping a page in her notebook.

You tried to not read too much into it, you really did. But once Joel left to take her to school, promising to return right after to take you to work since you never ended up taking your car the night before, you found yourself sitting on his bed looking around his room and wondering what did you really think was going to happen?

"Hey."

You inhaled sharply and looked at the door, surprised to find Joel leaning against it, watching you.

"Sorry. I didn't hear you come in," you said, untangling your legs from beneath you so you could gather your purse.

"Everythin' alright?" he asked softly, then stepped forward to circle his arm around your waist, pulling you close.

"Yeah. Just a lot to process," you said, allowing yourself to lean into his chest for just a minute.

"I still got guys 'round the clock lookin' for him. I'll find him, I promise," he said, kissing the top of your head. You tilted your chin up to look at him. His eyes were soft as he gazed down at you, his thumb gently rubbing against your jaw as he scanned your face, trying to figure out what else was bothering you. Before he could find out the answer, you pulled him down so your lips slotted over his own. His exhale tickled your cheek as you massaged his lips slowly, nipping at his plush bottom lip before pulling away, leaving him chasing after your mouth.

"We both have work, remember?" you said, your mouth hovering an inch over his.

"We got time," he said, dipping his head down further to graze his teeth over your throat.

You almost gave in, wanting desperately to forget all about your concerns for just a few precious moments, and then your eyes fell on the clock next to his bed, snapping you out of your trance.

"I have to be at the diner in fifteen minutes," you told him regrettably, taking a step back. He sighed and dropped his hands from your waist.

"He's my brother, y'know. I can make sure you won't get in trouble if you're late. It's one of the perks," he said, giving you a wink. You laughed and brushed past him, heading down the stairs.

"So along with eating for free every day, your girlf-"

You stopped yourself, coughing over the words and shaking your head. How could you be someone's girlfriend and also someone else's wife?

Joel said your name quietly as you shoved on your sneakers, clearly picking up on your mood shift. You forced yourself to smile when you looked up at him, pretending as though the word almost didn't slip past your lips.

"Ready?" you asked, hoping that he would just let it go.

You could tell he wanted to talk about it. You could see it all over his face. His mouth opening and closing, the gears in his head churning as he tried to come up with the right words, but failed.

"Yeah," he finally said, following you out the door.

The short drive to the diner was tense and Joel hated that he was at such a loss for words. But by the time he dropped you off, with only a quick smile and wave from you in return, he knew what he had to do to make you feel better.

When he got to the station, he threw himself into finding Patrick first, and then getting your apartment processed second. You needed to feel safe, and he would stop at nothing to make that happen.

He spent the morning speaking to everyone who had been involved in the search, triple checking their notes were correct and up to date before going back to his office to stare at the map of the county tacked up on the wall.

Patrick hadn't been to his motel room. Joel had a car parked outside his room since last night, and even if there was no activity, he made the officer report in every thirty minutes.

He sent two cars over to your apartment with his forensics specialist to take whatever evidence and photographs were needed. He also called a cleaning company, who were on standby, ready to go in right after the officers were done.

He was just making a mental note to stop by the hardware store and pick up supplies so he could try to patch the holes in your walls when he heard his calendar ping on his computer. He frowned and rounded the desk, leaning down to squint at the screen. When he read the pop up reminder, he sighed heavily. He had completely forgotten he had set up a meeting with the mayor that day to discuss the confrontation with Patrick in the bar.

Joel glanced at his watch and cursed under his breath. He had thirty minutes, but more importantly, it meant he wouldn't be able to go to the diner for lunch. He pulled out his cell phone and leaned against his desk to type out a quick text.

Joel: I forgot I have a meeting today, I won't be there for lunch. Is everything okay so far?

He tapped his foot anxiously and waited for your reply, his eyes occasionally flicking up to the map in front of him as a distraction. You were busy. He knew that you couldn't have your phone out all the time, but he had hoped he would catch you before the lunch rush.

An agonizing ten minutes later, you finally replied.

You: No problem. Yes, everything is fine.

He stared at the words on the screen, trying to read in between the lines. Was everything really fine? He couldn't help but feel like something else was going on. You promised you would try to open up and talk to him, but he was beginning to discover that it might take you some time.

Just as he was struggling to come up with something else to say, anything that might draw you out more, you sent him another text.

You: Do you think it's safe if I go get my car after work?

He chewed the inside of his cheek as he thought it over. He didn't like the idea. Your car was practically a tracking beacon, not just for Patrick, but the whole town would see you parked in his driveway. But then he decided the benefits outweighed the risks. You wanted some freedom, and he didn't want to deny you that. Besides, he was determined to find Patrick, if not today, then tomorrow. The town was small and everyone was on the look out for him now, it was only a matter of time. And the way that gossip traveled around, he wouldn't be surprised if people already knew you stayed the night at his place. He would get you back in your apartment once it was cleaned and Patrick was behind bars again.

Joel: Sure, but I'll pick you up and take you. Don't walk home.

You: Thank you :)

He smiled a bit when he saw the smiley face. It was a small gesture, but it put his mind at ease.

He glanced once more at his watch and pushed off his desk, yanking his blazer off the coat rack before warning Bobby he was heading out. Once the meeting was over, he could get back to tracking down Patrick. Maybe some distance from the station would help clear his head.

"He's pressin' charges, Joel. Got word this mornin'."

Joel sighed and squeezed the bridge of his nose.

"Yeah, Dan, I figured as much. He's got no case, I got a bar full of witnesses that'll say he came at me."

Dan Flowers, the town's mayor, had held the position for nearly twenty years. He knew the town and its people like the back of his hand, Joel being no exception.

Dan eyed him up wearily before sitting down behind his desk, the chair creaking under his weight. He had never been a small man, but even Joel couldn't help but notice the weight gain the past couple years. The buttons on his shirt were pulled so tightly he was afraid one would pop under the pressure as he readjusted in his chair.

Joel dragged his eyes up from the buttons and met his penetrating gaze. He had to assume Dan heard the rumors, but he refused to be the one to say anything first.

"Get Hank to give a state-"

"Already got it," Joel said, cutting him off.

Dan narrowed his eyes at him and laced his fingers together in front of him on the desk.

"Michelle still your lawyer?" Dan asked, and Joel's nostrils flared.

"You know she ain't," he scoffed. He knew what Dan was doing. He was trying to get under his skin. He was trying to make him talk about you.

"Okay, then we'll get you one," he said, glancing down at his desk, flipping through some papers. Joel watched him, his temper flaring low in his belly.

"What's goin' on with you and this guy's wife, Joel?"

Joel took a deep breath and hung his head, trying to keep calm. He knew it was coming, but he still had a hard time controlling his reaction.

"I've been hearin' things. Margaret's daughter, Nikki? She's tellin' some people somethin' else mighta motivated you in the bar that night."

"She's just pissed because we went on a few dates and it didn't work out," Joel gritted out.

"You sure?" Dan asked, leaning forward. When Joel took too long to reply, his gaze pinned to the floor, Dan sighed.

"Joel, I gotta level with you," he said, finally catching Joel's eye. "If somethin's goin' on, you gotta think long and hard 'bout how this'll affect not only her, but you."

Joel tensed. His gaze shifted back and forth between Dan's eyes, his mind racing. Too much was happening. Michelle, Nikki, and now you. Dan was trying to push his buttons, and it was working.

"Nothin's goin' on," he finally said. His second lie of the day.

Dan stared at him for a long moment, making Joel think he wasn't as good of a liar as he thought, or maybe he was doing a piss poor job of keeping the anger from reaching his eyes.

"Good," Dan said, leaning back and clicking his tongue against his teeth. "Because if there was, it could jeopardize this lawsuit against you. Maybe even your job."

"My job?" Joel repeated incredulously. Okay, that one he didn't see coming.

"Hypothetically, if somethin' were goin' on and this guy can prove it, you might be asked to step down," Dan said, scratching his mustache as if deep in thought. "Or at the very least, won't be able to run for re-election."

"Christ," Joel muttered under his breath before standing up from his chair. He had enough. "We done here?"

"Not tryin' to upset you, Joel," Dan replied, standing up with a grunt. "I'm tryin' to help you. You gotta see the bigger picture here. The guy's an asshole, but don't forget he's a cop. He knows the law and he's got a good lawyer. You don't wanna screw this up for either of you. Especially her."

Joel felt his stomach clench and he suddenly felt flush. He needed to get out of there. He needed a chance to think.

He managed to nod as he turned and headed towards the door, his vision narrowing the harder it became to breathe.

"I know you're used to dealin' with the locals, but this is a whole different breed," Dan said, pulling on the door and holding it open for Joel to step through. "This ain't like Marcus and one of his episodes."

"Yeah, I hear you," Joel muttered, desperate to end the conversation as quickly as possible.

In a haze, he made it back to his truck. Slamming the door angrily, he took a minute to sit in the driver's seat, breathing heavily with his forehead resting against the steering wheel. He had foolishly hoped he could keep your relationship a secret until everything blew over, but considering how fast news travelled already, it seemed like that would be impossible. What was he going to do? The thought of not being with you made him sick to his stomach, but as much as he hated to admit it, Dan was right. And deep down, he knew it all along. Carol already tried to warn him. He was quickly losing sight of the situation, his mind focused on all the wrong things.

He couldn't fuck this up. It was too important. If Patrick got away with it again, next time it could cost you your life. And as badly as he wanted you all for himself, he cared about you too much. He knew what he would have to do and was going to break his fucking heart.

On the way back to the station, Joel swung by your apartment to see where things stood. When he hopped out of his truck, he was pleased to find the cleaning service already making progress. He peeked into your bathroom and saw someone wearing earbuds scrubbing away at the walls, looking completely unphased by the filth.

"How's it goin'?" Joel asked the older man he found sweeping up the floor of your kitchen.

"Makin' good time," he said, eyes still focused on the mess before him. "Should have it done this evenin'. Place ain't that big."

Joel nodded and glanced around at your living room. He flipped the couch back over and gave it a shake. It seemed salvageable, at least, so he dragged it back to its original position in the room. He sighed and looked around at the rest of the destroyed furniture. Maybe he could ask around and see if anyone had anything you could use. He knew Tommy and Maria wouldn't have a problem letting you borrow the mattress from their spare bedroom.

It was a start.

As he headed down your stairs, he found comfort in knowing at least your apartment would be fixed for you.

Now he just needed to find Patrick.

He sat in his truck, staring out the windshield as he rubbed his thumb over his lip, lost in thought. His mind kept wandering back to you and he had to fight the swell of emotion that bubbled up when he thought about what he was going to have to do. To distract himself, he tried to focus on Patrick. Where the hell could he be? How hasn't he turned up yet?

He was about to give up and head back to the station when a thought occurred to him. It was a long shot, but he had to try.

With renewed purpose, he turned the key in the ignition and buckled his seatbelt before swinging his truck around, driving in the direction of the trailer park at the edge of town.

It wasn't a place he liked to frequent often if he could help it. It was unfortunate, but it just so happened that a few of the residents in the trailer park tended to have more overnight stays in the cells than most, and their neighbors weren't always the friendliest towards Joel as a result.

He squinted and shielded his eyes from the sun as he tried to locate the numbers on the trailers while he slowly crept down the dirt road. It had been a while, but he thought he remembered the right address.

When he pulled up to a familiar off-white double wide, he shifted his truck into park and looked around. The numbers 8667 were nailed next to the door, but one of the 6's were missing, leaving a dirty outline of the number in the paint.

Slowly, he stepped out of the truck. His gaze landed on a few neighbors peeking through their windows, their curtains ruffling closed when he made eye contact.

He swallowed and forced his feet to move. He put one foot on a rickety, wooden stair, testing it before trusting it with all his weight and knocking loudly on the front door. As he waited, he looked around, noticing a beat up old car in the little driveway next to some overflowing trash cans. He heard footsteps on the other side of the door and he turned his head towards the sound, a plume of cigarette smoke swirling around him when it opened.

"Joel?" an old woman's shaky voice said from the other side of the screen. "Lord, what'd he do now?"

"Nothin', ma'am," Joel replied with a soft chuckle. "But is he home? I gotta ask him a couple questions, he ain't in trouble," he reiterated. She sighed heavily and leaned up against the doorframe, her graying curls snagging on the splintering wood.

"Enough with that ma'am talk, told you to call me Gertie years ago," she said, flicking the ash of her lit cigarette before yelling over her shoulder. "Marcus! Get your ass out here!"

Joel heard some rustling in a room down the hall before a door creaked open.

"What, Mama?" Marcus whined, rubbing his eyes as he shuffled up the hallway. When he saw Joel standing on the front porch, he froze. "I didn't do nothin'!"

"He knows that!" Gertie scolded, blowing out one last puff of smoke before stubbing out her cigarette. "Sit down! Joel, c'mon in," she said, her voice softening when she addressed him.

Joel stepped inside, about to slide off his shoes but then thought better of it once he saw the sticky, orange carpet.

"Can I getcha anythin'?" Gertie asked, leaning up against the sofa chair where he sat.

"No thank you, ma'am, I'll be quick," he said, turning his attention back to Marcus. "You ever hear anythin' 'bout a guy named Patrick?"

You were waiting in the foyer of the diner after your shift, your eyes flicking up every time you saw a car rattle by, each time expecting to see Joel's truck. He was almost twenty minutes late and it gave you time to think. Too much time.

As far as you could tell, nobody seemed to know about the two of you, and that gave you a small bit of relief. The rainy evening he had innocently stayed overnight, the entire town seemed to know within hours. So you knew it was inevitable before word got around this time.

You wished more than anything your life wasn't so complicated. Why couldn't you just date like a normal person? Why couldn't you just be happy? How did you manage to let yourself get sucked into this shitty life with Patrick?

The guilt you felt for bringing his wrath upon this poor town was unbearable. This wasn't their fight, yet they continued to stand up for you, one by one, putting themselves in harm's way. Half of you was filled with gratitude, however the other half, the much louder half, felt like a burden.

And then there was Joel.

He was such a good man. He was willing to go to such extreme lengths to keep you safe, but all you've really done was cause more work for him. You could see the stress written all over his face, even though he tried to hide it. The muscles in his shoulders twitched and he would grind his teeth when he was anxious, thinking nobody noticed. But you noticed.

You worried about Sarah, as well. She was just a teenager. You couldn't imagine trying to navigate through the most complex years of your life while your dad dated a married woman. Her words from that morning rattled around in your head all day: everyone's lying and cheating on everyone... what did they think was going to happen? And although your situation was very different and most reasonable people wouldn't label your behavior cheating, you weren't sure someone her age would see it the same way.

Your head snapped up when you saw Joel's truck finally pull into the parking lot. You rushed out the doors, hoping nobody would notice you climbing into his car. Even if it was inevitable, you needed a break from the drama.

"Hi," you said after you quickly jumped into the truck and slammed the door. He looked at you curiously for a moment and then grinned. Despite what he knew he would have to do, he couldn't help but smile when he saw you.

"Everythin' alright?"

"Yeah, it's just-" you glanced out the window and waved your hand, not sure what to say, so you opted for deflection. "Working late?"

"Yeah, sorry," he said, shifting the truck into reverse and backing out of the parking spot. "But it's for a good reason."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yep," he said, and you took a moment to examine his face while he drove. He looked more like himself again. Less stressed.

"Well, are you gonna tell me or leave me in suspense?" you teased, and his grin widened as he stopped at a light and turned his head towards you.

"We got 'em."

Your mouth hung open in shock, his words echoing in your brain. All you've ever known was fear. You spent so much of your life lying and waiting until the next fight that you had just expected this one to end the same way as all the others: more bruises and dropped charges.

He pulled into the lot behind your apartment building and parked a few spaces away from your car as you still struggled to wrap your head around the news.

"H-how?"

"I had a hunch, it paid off," he said with a shrug as he pulled the keys from the ignition. He was about to open the door when your hand shot out to grab his arm.

"What do you mean?"

He sat back in his seat and sighed.

"I'm sure you remember Marcus?" he began, and you winced.

"Yeah, rings a bell," you said sarcastically.

"Well, it's a small town. The junkies all know each other, and I know you said Patrick used in the past, so I paid Marcus a visit. He told me where I could find him. Sent a couple of officers to the location and they found him with-"

Joel cut himself off, not sure how much to divulge, but you circled your wrist in the air, encouraging him to continue.

"With a few other users in an abandoned house on the other side of town. He was passed out cold, it was an easy arrest."

"Other users? You mean, women?" you pressed.

"Some were women, yeah," Joel admitted.

"And he's in jail?"

"Yes," Joel confirmed, nodding his head. "He'll be transferred to Austin and await trail there."

"Oh, my god," you breathed, closing your eyes and burying your face in your hands.

Joel frowned, trying to read your expression but not having much success. That is, until you flung yourself across the seat and wrapped your arms around him.

"Thank you," you said over and over into his shoulder. He was quick to return the embrace, his eyes closing as he tried to push the bigger issue from his mind. He would talk to you later. He didn't want to ruin this moment.

"There's one more thing," he murmured into your hair. You pulled back, your eyes glistening as you looked at him questioningly. "C'mon, lemme show you."

He took your hand as he led you towards the back of your apartment building, not caring if anybody saw. He wasn't sure how many moments like that he had left, and he wanted to make them all count.

When he led you into your apartment and up the stairs, you audibly gasped.

There was still work to be done. He hadn't had a chance to patch the holes in the wall, but it was clean. The words on the wall of your bathroom just a distant memory. The shattered glass and ceramic gone.

"Tommy and Maria let you borrow a mattress," he said, flicking the light on in your bedroom. "The couch was fine, and Bobby had an old kitchen table-"

You cut him off with a searing kiss, your fingers getting tangled in the curls at the base of his neck. He leaned into it, pulling you close and trying his hardest to memorize every second.

"Couldn't find a TV," he mumbled against your mouth.

"I don't care," you whispered, pressing your mouth against his with more urgency. "Thank you," you kept repeating between peppering kisses against his lips. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Your tongue flicked at his lower lip as you pulled him down closer, wanting to just melt into him, but he leaned back, breaking the kiss.

"We gotta talk," he said, his voice pained. Your eyes dropped, and even though you knew it was coming, you still felt that ache in your chest. The one that settled there whenever the other shoe dropped. That deep sadness that always simmered just below the surface.

"I know," you said softly, trying to keep the emotion from your voice, but he picked up on it. He always did. You closed your eyes and rested your forehead against his chest, feeling his heart thumping loudly just underneath. He wrapped his arms around you and squeezed, trying to find the strength to say what he needed to say.

"We can't do this anymore," you said before he could speak. Not a question, but a statement. A realization you had come to on your own, as well. He felt the tears burning in the backs of his eyes as he pulled you in closer, resting his cheek on the top of your head, trying to wrap himself around you in every possible way.

"No, we can't," he finally agreed, his voice wavering.

He heard you sniffle against his chest and when he felt the wetness from your tears seep through his dress shirt, he couldn't stop his own tears from falling and getting lost in your hair.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "Just for a little while. Just until-" He paused when your shoulders began to shudder, the force of your quiet sobs shaking your whole body. "Just until the legal shit is over and he's in jail," he managed to finish.

"Okay," you whispered back, your face still hiding against his chest. He brought his hands up to pull you back and cradle your jaw. His gaze trailed over your puffy eyes and tear streaked face as he tried to wipe them away until he realized they were his own tears falling on your cheeks.

"Nothin's gonna change," he told you, his lip trembling. "I'm still here for you. I'm still gonna see this thing through, okay?" His eyes were soft and wide as he stared at you, making sure you understood him. "You can't perjure yourself when the time comes to testify. I can't - I won't be the reason he gets away with it again."

"I know," you said, nodding your head as you gazed up at him, his hands still gripping your face.

His heart broke as he looked at you, hating more than anything that he was the cause of the pain you were feeling. He swore to himself he would never hurt you, and here he was, doing exactly that.

"Once it's all over, we'll be together," he said, leaning down to press his forehead against yours.

"You promise?"

"Yes," he said immediately, leaning down to kiss you. "I promise," he said, kissing you with a little more force. "We can still talk," another kiss. "I'm still gonna help you," he tilted his head in the other direction as he kissed you again. "Help you find a lawyer," he mumbled, his lips barely breaking contact with yours now. "We just can't-" he didn't let himself finish, his mouth crashing down on yours, your face still clutched tightly in his hands as if he were afraid to let go.

"We just can't kiss?" you asked, finishing his sentence once he gave you a chance to breathe, your chest heaving. He nodded as he backed you up towards the wall outside your bedroom, his lips never stopping, even though he knew better.

His tongue slipped past your lips, swirling around yours with urgency as your fingers fumbled with the buttons on his shirt.

"We shouldn't," he mumbled, but he dragged his mouth down your neck anyway while you shoved his shirt over his shoulders and down his arms.

"No, we shouldn't," you agreed breathlessly, tilting your head to the side, his mouth latching onto your throat, leaving a small mark that you would end up admiring in the mirror for days to come and shedding a tear when it inevitably faded away.

"It'll just make it harder," he said, his words holding no conviction, especially when his hands slid down your sides and cupped the back of your thighs, hauling you up so you had to wrap your legs around his waist as he walked you backwards towards your bed.

"I know," you whispered, your fingers getting lost in his hair. He dropped you on the bed and immediately crawled on top of you, his mouth finding yours yet again while each of you hurriedly undressed the other. "I - I need to feel you. Just one more time. Please, Joel," you whimpered, squeezing your eyes shut with a gasp when his hot, wet tongue circled your nipple.

Joel always thought of himself as a strong man, but he had his weaknesses, too. And he was quickly finding out that you were his biggest one. He could never say no to you. It was too late. He was already too far gone. All he ever wanted to do was make you happy, so that's exactly what he did.

He was already addicted to it: the way you moaned his name, the way you smelled, the way you tasted, the way you felt when you came on his cock. He would never get enough, he knew that. He also knew this would be the last time he would have you for a long time, so he did everything he could to prolong it.

You both lost count. Lost count of how many times he made you come, how many times he said I'm sorry, how many times you said each other's names, hushed little whispers muffled against skin.

But Joel had kept count of how many lies he had told that day.

Three.

The last one being the one he told himself while he held you close as you laid on your borrowed mattress together, exhausted and sore. A lie that dismissed that feeling in his chest whenever he thought of you or the butterflies he got whenever you looked at him. Because that one was a lie of necessity. A lie he told himself in order to survive the next few months without having you like this, knowing full well if he admitted the truth, he would never be able to walk out your door.

A/N: I decided to start a notification blog for anybody interested in keeping up with just fic updates - @punkshort-notifs. I will keep the tag list for this series until the end, however, because I want to make sure everyone who is following this story doesn't lose it by missing this note.

Taglist: @harriedandharassed@merz-8@sarap-77@nandan11@anoverwhelmingdin@fandomscollide@survivingandenduring@honeyedmiller@pedropascalsbbg@southernbe@pedrosfanny@gobaaby-blog-blog @eloquentdreamer @yomiyasxx @mrsparknuts@missladym1981@spacedoutdaydreamer @cosmic006533-blog @prettyinpunk85@maried01 @sunnyskyapplepie @sawymredfox@gobaaby-blog-blog@stevie75@mxtokko@sleepylunarwolf@lizzie-cakes@laurrrra@annieispunk@here4thedilfs @navystandardheatingoilcap @slugz-writes-shit@devilbat@ashleyfilm@scp116@tragerlover@iveseenstrangerthings50 @yvonneeeee @brittmb115@lulawantmula@abbysgirlll@ro-nahime-things@whxtedreams@ashhlsstuff@little-pookie@serenadingtigers@paleidiot@ashy-kit@lizlil@detectivejuliuspepperwood@buckyispunk @fckinel @sarahhxx03 @krispeenuggiez @flippittygibbitts@picketniffler

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Amazon’s financial shell game let it create an “impossible” monopoly

I'm on tour with my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me in TUCSON (Mar 9-10), then San Francisco (Mar 13), Anaheim, and more!

For the pro-monopoly crowd that absolutely dominated antitrust law from the Carter administration until 2020, Amazon presents a genuinely puzzling paradox: the company's monopoly power was never supposed to emerge, and if it did, it should have crumbled immediately.

Pro-monopoly economists embody Ely Devons's famous aphorism that "If economists wished to study the horse, they wouldn’t go and look at horses. They’d sit in their studies and say to themselves, ‘What would I do if I were a horse?’":

https://pluralistic.net/2022/10/27/economism/#what-would-i-do-if-i-were-a-horse

Rather than using the way the world actually works as their starting point for how to think about it, they build elaborate models out of abstract principles like "rational actors." The resulting mathematical models are so abstractly elegant that it's easy to forget that they're just imaginative exercises, disconnected from reality:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/03/all-models-are-wrong/#some-are-useful

These models predicted that it would be impossible for Amazon to attain monopoly power. Even if they became a monopoly – in the sense of dominating sales of various kinds of goods – the company still wouldn't get monopoly power.

For example, if Amazon tried to take over a category by selling goods below cost ("predatory pricing"), then rivals could just wait until the company got tired of losing money and put prices back up, and then those rivals could go back to competing. And if Amazon tried to keep the loss-leader going indefinitely by "cross-subsidizing" the losses with high-margin profits from some other part of its business, rivals could sell those high margin goods at a lower margin, which would lure away Amazon customers and cut the supply lines for the price war it was fighting with its discounted products.

That's what the model predicted, but it's not what happened in the real world. In the real world, Amazon was able use its access to the capital markets to embark on scorched-earth predatory pricing campaigns. When diapers.com refused to sell out to Amazon, the company casually committed $100m to selling diapers below cost. Diapers.com went bust, Amazon bought it for pennies on the dollar and shut it down:

https://www.theverge.com/2019/5/13/18563379/amazon-predatory-pricing-antitrust-law

Investors got the message: don't compete with Amazon. They can remain predatory longer than you can remain solvent.

Now, not everyone shared the antitrust establishment's confidence that Amazon couldn't create a durable monopoly with market power. In 2017, Lina Khan – then a third year law student – published "Amazon's Antitrust Paradox," a landmark paper arguing that Amazon had all the tools it needed to amass monopoly power:

https://www.yalelawjournal.org/note/amazons-antitrust-paradox

Today, Khan is chair of the FTC, and has brought a case against Amazon that builds on some of the theories from that paper. One outcome of that suit is an unprecedented look at Amazon's internal operations. But, as the Institute for Local Self-Reliance's Stacy Mitchell describes in a piece for The Atlantic, key pieces of information have been totally redacted in the court exhibits:

https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/02/amazon-profits-antitrust-ftc/677580/

The most important missing datum: how much money Amazon makes from each of its lines of business. Amazon's own story is that it basically breaks even on its retail operation, and keeps the whole business afloat with profits from its AWS cloud computing division. This is an important narrative, because if it's true, then Amazon can't be forcing up retail prices, which is the crux of the FTC's case against the company.

Here's what we know for sure about Amazon's retail business. First: merchants can't live without Amazon. The majority of US households have Prime, and 90% of Prime households start their ecommerce searches on Amazon; if they find what they're looking for, they buy it and stop. Thus, merchants who don't sell on Amazon just don't sell. This is called "monopsony power" and it's a lot easier to maintain than monopoly power. For most manufacturers, a 10% overnight drop in sales is a catastrophe, so a retailer that commands even a 10% market-share can extract huge concessions from its suppliers. Amazon's share of most categories of goods is a lot higher than 10%!

What kind of monopsony power does Amazon wield? Well, for one thing, it is able to levy a huge tax on its sellers. Add up all the junk-fees Amazon charges its platform sellers and it comes out to 45-51%:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/25/greedflation/#commissar-bezos

Competitive businesses just don't have 45% margins! No one can afford to kick that much back to Amazon. What is a merchant to do? Sell on Amazon and you lose money on every sale. Don't sell on Amazon and you don't get any business.

The only answer: raise prices on Amazon. After all, Prime customers – the majority of Amazon's retail business – don't shop for competitive prices. If Amazon wants a 45% vig, you can raise your Amazon prices by a third and just about break even.

But Amazon is wise to that: they have a "most favored nation" rule that punishes suppliers who sell goods more cheaply in rival stores, or even on their own site. The punishments vary, from banishing your products to page ten million of search-results to simply kicking you off the platform. With publishers, Amazon reserves the right to lower the prices they set when listing their books, to match the lowest price on the web, and paying publishers less for each sale.

That means that suppliers who sell on Amazon (which is anyone who wants to stay in business) have to dramatically hike their prices on Amazon, and when they do, they also have to hike their prices everywhere else (no wonder Prime customers don't bother to search elsewhere for a better deal!).

Now, Amazon says this is all wrong. That 45-51% vig they claim from business customers is barely enough to break even. The company's profits – they insist – come from selling AWS cloud service. The retail operation is just a public service they provide to us with cross-subsidy from those fat AWS margins.

This is a hell of a claim. Last year, Amazon raked in $130 billion in seller fees. In other words: they booked more revenue from junk fees than Bank of America made through its whole operation. Amazon's junk fees add up to more than all of Meta's revenues:

https://s2.q4cdn.com/299287126/files/doc_financials/2023/q4/AMZN-Q4-2023-Earnings-Release.pdf

Amazon claims that none of this is profit – it's just covering their operating expenses. According to Amazon, its non-AWS units combined have a one percent profit margin.

Now, this is an eye-popping claim indeed. Amazon is a public company, which means that it has to make thorough quarterly and annual financial disclosures breaking down its profit and loss. You'd think that somewhere in those disclosures, we'd find some details.

You'd think so, but you'd be wrong. Amazon's disclosures do not break out profits and losses by segment. SEC rules actually require the company to make these per-segment disclosures:

https://scholarship.law.stjohns.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=3524&context=lawreview#:~:text=If%20a%20company%20has%20more,income%20taxes%20and%20extraordinary%20items.

That rule was enacted in 1966, out of concern that companies could use cross-subsidies to fund predatory pricing and other anticompetitive practices. But over the years, the SEC just…stopped enforcing the rule. Companies have "near total managerial discretion" to lump business units together and group their profits and losses in bloated, undifferentiated balance-sheet items:

https://www.ucl.ac.uk/bartlett/public-purpose/publications/2021/dec/crouching-tiger-hidden-dragons

As Mitchell points you, it's not just Amazon that flouts this rule. We don't know how much money Google makes on Youtube, or how much Apple makes from the App Store (Apple told a federal judge that this number doesn't exist). Warren Buffett – with significant interest in hundreds of companies across dozens of markets – only breaks out seven segments of profit-and-loss for Berkshire Hathaway.

Recall that there is one category of data from the FTC's antitrust case against Amazon that has been completely redacted. One guess which category that is! Yup, the profit-and-loss for its retail operation and other lines of business.

These redactions are the judge's fault, but the real fault lies with the SEC. Amazon is a public company. In exchange for access to the capital markets, it owes the public certain disclosures, which are set out in the SEC's rulebook. The SEC lets Amazon – and other gigantic companies – get away with a degree of secrecy that should disqualify it from offering stock to the public. As Mitchell says, SEC chairman Gary Gensler should adopt "new rules that more concretely define what qualifies as a segment and remove the discretion given to executives."

Amazon is the poster-child for monopoly run amok. As Yanis Varoufakis writes in Technofeudalism, Amazon has actually become a post-capitalist enterprise. Amazon doesn't make profits (money derived from selling goods); it makes rents (money charged to people who are seeking to make a profit):

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/28/cloudalists/#cloud-capital

Profits are the defining characteristic of a capitalist economy; rents are the defining characteristic of feudalism. Amazon looks like a bazaar where thousands of merchants offer goods for sale to the public, but look harder and you discover that all those stallholders are totally controlled by Amazon. Amazon decides what goods they can sell, how much they cost, and whether a customer ever sees them. And then Amazon takes $0.45-51 out of every dollar. Amazon's "marketplace" isn't like a flea market, it's more like the interconnected shops on Disneyland's Main Street, USA: the sign over the door might say "20th Century Music Company" or "Emporium," but they're all just one store, run by one company.

And because Amazon has so much control over its sellers, it is able to exercise power over its buyers. Amazon's search results push down the best deals on the platform and promote results from more expensive, lower-quality items whose sellers have paid a fortune for an "ad" (not really an ad, but rather the top spot in search listings):

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/29/aethelred-the-unready/#not-one-penny-for-tribute

This is "Amazon's pricing paradox." Amazon can claim that it offers low-priced, high-quality goods on the platform, but it makes $38b/year pushing those good deals way, way down in its search results. The top result for your Amazon search averages 29% more expensive than the best deal Amazon offers. Buy something from those first four spots and you'll pay a 25% premium. On average, you need to pick the seventeenth item on the search results page to get the best deal:

https://scholarship.law.bu.edu/faculty_scholarship/3645/

For 40 years, pro-monopoly economists claimed that it would be impossible for Amazon to attain monopoly power over buyers and sellers. Today, Amazon exercises that power so thoroughly that its junk-fee revenues alone exceed the total revenues of Bank of America. Amazon's story – that these fees barely stretch to covering its costs – assumes a nearly inconceivable level of credulity in its audience. Regrettably – for the human race – there is a cohort of senior, highly respected economists who possess this degree of credulity and more.

Of course, there's an easy way to settle the argument: Amazon could just comply with SEC regs and break out its P&L for its e-commerce operation. I assure you, they're not hiding this data because they think you'll be pleasantly surprised when they do and they don't want to spoil the moment.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/03/01/managerial-discretion/#junk-fees

Image: Doc Searls (modified) https://www.flickr.com/photos/docsearls/4863121221/

CC BY 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

[oval3000]

Chapter 4

Yandere Psych Patient König x Nurse reader

Warning: Possesive, Obsession, Death, Gore, Blood, Smut, Toxic behavior, age gap. Assault.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

-------------------------------------------------------

"I don't like this," Jacob rubbed his for head, giving a few scratches. His hand on his hip with a slump posture. His eyes were giving out with annoyance and tiredness, not from the labor work, but from the system.

The fellow nurse could give an eye roll after seeing what was happening. "Anything to save some money, right?"

Mr. Miller ordered that half of the guards on the fifth floor would go to other floors to cover other shifts of guards that quit and who were..laid off. Those 20,000 thousand dollars couldn't come out from thin air as to what Mr. Miller thought it would, so it was the only option, to send some guards home.

Meaning that other guards from other floors had to move around and, unfortunately, your floor was affected by this.

The two guards that were on König, left as well as four others.

Things have now changed, your safety may now be a risk. But to to be quite honest with you, your safety is nothing to be worried about.

You did your morning rounds, assisted where there is needed. During their lunch, you heard the main phone ring from the floor. Jacob picked it up, "this is Jacob. Yes, sir. Okay...yeah...no problem." He hung up the phone taking a deep breath. He walked behind you and tapped on your shoulder. You turned your head away from the computer, "Mr. Miller wants to see you in his office."

You felt a big tull on your stomach. You were nervous. He never called you in his office before and with everything that is going on, you could only imagine worse.

Is he going to fire you?

You can't loose this job, the pay is good. You can't pack and move again to find something better.

You headed down to his office in a bit of a hurry, you didn't want to miss their lunch round check ups. You knocked on the brown wooden door with his name ingraved on a gold platter.

"Come in." You entered into his office and saw him sitting as his usual chair, writing whatever he is writing on a piece of paper. He stood up, fixing his suit. Mr. Miller, about the age of 50. Still has a grown set of hair only it's shown to have some grey strand hairs peaking through. 6 feet 3 inches maybe. Looks a bit fit, lackes muscles though. His light beard with a few grey strands of hair that follows the shape of his long jawline.

You saw photos that are in his office. Paintings of mountains and oceans. You saw his degree in psychology and business on a sharp, dark, brown, frame hanged up on the cream wall.

"Is there something wrong, sir?" You questioned standing behind the two chairs aligned perfectly in front of his desk. You hoped that he doesn't fire you. You can't hit rock bottom. Not now after everything.

"No, I just wanted to check up on you. I also wanted to apologize for the way I reacted towards you during the Gabriel incident. It was really unprofessional of me to do so. You were just doing your job, I'm sorry." He creeped in closer to you. You felt uncomfortable, a bad vibe coming off from him. He placed his hand on your shoulder, gripping it lightly. "If you need anything, my office is always open for you."

You swallowed the little bit of saliva, taking a step away from him, but it only brought him closer to you.

You panicked. You looked around to see if anyone, anyone at all can see, but nothing. The door is shut, the window blinds are closed. "It's okay sir, I should get going."

You turned around to walk away, but you felt his hands on your arm, pulling away in. "You look adorable playing hard to get"

Your eyes widen. You felt absolute frozen. "Sir. Let go of me!" He dragged you in front of his desk. The movement was so sudden, you couldn't say anything. "Please sir."

He gripped your shoulders tight that you couldn't move. You felt his body pressed against you. You felt his hips pushing in deeper. You couldn't help, but to let tears fall from your eyes. You felt so frozen that you hated yourself. This couldn't be happening to you.

You honestly wished he called you in to fire you. His body completely compressed to yours making you bend over on his desk. His hands roamed your body. His cold hands went inside your scrub shirt. You shook at his touch with fear. "No!Please! Stop!"

"You feel so good " he cupped your breast, pulling under your bra to get a better touch. Eventually his one hand left one of your breast and it landed on your ass. You heard the sound of his belt unbuckling and his zipper being pulled down. He gripped onto your scrub pants and pulled them down, including your underwear, showing your naked vagina. "Fuck. I should've fucked you along time ago."

"Please! Please! Stop! Let go of me!" You cried out, feeling his finger pressed on your area.

A beeping sound came from his phone, "Sir, you have a call coming in. It's from the CEO."

"You gotta be fucking kidding me." He finally let go. He yanked your body closer to him. He cupped your face with his hand. You felt his disgusting breath near your mouth. "If you tell anyone about this. I'll ruin your fucking life. You got that."

You nodded as he aggressively let go, making you fall a bit on his desk. You felt so humiliated while pulling up your scrub pants and fixing your bra. You were about to walk out when he said, "Oh and make sure no one sees you like that. Get yourself fixed."

You didn't bother turning to him. You walked about quickly and ignoring the staff by not making eye contact. You pressed the button for the elevator, which felt like an eternity to arrive. Never felt like hours waiting for the elevator. Thankfully, no one was there, it was just you. You pressed on the fifth floor button.

You wanted to vomit. You scrunched your face as the tears fell down your cheeks. You covered your mouth trying hard to cover your sobs. Even though you are alone in the elevator, you felt embarrassed. You took deep breaths as it was reaching near the floor. You wiped away as much tears as you can. Even so you know your eyes and nose are red and puffy.

You avoided eye contact with everyone. You prayed that no one will come up to you ask why Mr. Miller called you down to his office. You grabbed the medical cart with the things you need and quickly went to each patients room, the last one being Königs.

You jiggle the kids, the guards left for you, to open his door. You swang the door a bit open and back inside his room. You grabbed the tray with his medication and placed it down on top of the cart. König watched you. He knew something was wrong.

You raised your head up, feeling the tears forming again. You hated yourself for not stopping the tears from coming out. Not now. Not when you are doing your job.

But you couldn't help it. You covered your face as tears were running down your face. You didn't want to cry in front of a patient, nevertheless, König.

He quickly got up and took your arm to pull you closer to him. He sat back down on his bed with his legs spread a bit to let you in closer to him. He couldn't see your face, which was still buried in your hands. If you could see his eyes, the look he's giving you. The same look he gave to the people he wanted to kill, to his enemies in the battle field. "What happened, schatz?" his thick accent was hard and impactful. You uncovered your face to see him, for him to see you. He saw the tears, the redness in your eyes.

The sympathetic look he gave you made those tears flowing again. Being comfort is not something you're use to. Your always dealing with everything by yourself.

He palmed your cheek, wiping your tears away. You shook your head lightly. You can't tell him. He's your patient. You can't tell your patient is a psychiatric hospital that you were almost raped by your boss. "Bitte tell me."

"H-he....touched me." You stared away, but his other palm touched your cheek, making you to look at him.

You saw the stare he gave you. Filled with sympathy and anger. "He. Touched. You."

You nodded. "He trapped me in his office. He was going to rape me. If he didn't get that phone call, he would've-." Your words turned into sobs.

He got up and pulled you into a tight hug. Your head was buried into his chest, letting out your quiet sobs.

He held you tight and close. His hand rubbing your back while the other was petting your head. "Shhh..it's okay, schatz. It's okay."

He turned his head towards the slight, opened, door. His way to freedom. Your freedom.

Away from this. From every assholes that's here. Away from everyone else.

"Mein liebling. Mach dir keine Sorgen. Ich werde ihn töten. Ich werde jeden töten, der dir wehtut. (My darling. don't worry. ill kill him. I'll kill anyone that hurts you.) " he gripped you tight. He doesn't want to let you go. He wants you to be attached to him. For you to share everything of his. "Mine," he whispered. "All mine."

[i-cant-sing]

IMAGINE THE KAMO CLAN WANTS AN ALLIANCE WITH THE ZENIN

so they offer that noritoshi (who is secretly in love with teen!fushiguro reader) marry her, the zenin and the kamo have made this type of alliance for years, it is totally normal for them

but definitely the kamo did not wait for naoya to come to his house shouting that no kamo spawn is going to sully his sweet daughter---- NIECE

when the others hear the news, toji, gojo, nanami, megumi, mai and maki arrive, ALSO SUKUNA WHO TOOK POSSESSION OF YUJI'S BODY

poor noritoshi

AHahaha yesss, I mean the elders just wanted to form an alliance, and neither clan really knew just how strong Fushiguro reader was as a toddler, so it was right to arrange a marriage for you.

As a child, Noritoshi didnt really care much for you, especially since he had battles of his own- being born to a mistress, being the heir of the clan because the head wife couldnt bear sons so, he has to deal with that.

But youre adorable and you grow on anyone, even the Zenin clan, so when toddler Fushiguro reader meets 9 year old Noritoshi, the latter only thinks of you as a spoiled brat at first. And why wouldnt he? Youre running around barefoot in the garden, dressed in sparkly pink hello kitty pjs with servants chasing after you, with Naoya screaming from the shed that he'll lock you up if he catches you grabbing his million dollar koi fish.

Noritoshi's disgust is quite understandable when you come upto him, hair disheveled, face sweaty, and you stick your muddy hand to his face.

"Hi! Im Y/n Fushiguro!" "ZENIN! Y/N ZENIN!" Naoya yells before dragging you away for training (Naoya didnt want you to meet your future husband).

As time goes on, Noritoshi would be sent to the Zenin estate on different errands (by this point, the Kamo clan has heard rumors of your powers and now want Noritoshi to go and woo you, which is a huge task since Noritoshi isnt someone who is able to express emotions, much less romantic ones). But even though he might not be able to express his emotions, doesnt mean his heart hasnt turned soft for you. Youre pollar opposite to him, loud, energetic, carefree- and yet Noritoshi cant help but feel that you... sort of complete him. Youre everything hes not and he likes that. Like 2 puzzle pieces that fit together, he completes you too. Hes quiet, calm, realistic- he brings peace to you, especially when youre mind gets overstimulated by- well, you.

How many times has it been that Noritoshi has stopped your panic attacks when you realised that your father Toji, wasnt coming back? How many times has Noristoshi had to pull you into his robes when your cursed energy started to lose control, risking himself just to calm you down and help you control it as his soft monotonous voice guided you through it?

And how many times has it been that Noritoshi would have his terrible day turned around with just you calling him "Nori!"? Or the times he'd be questioning his worth in the clan and all he needed was you to lean your head against his shoulder to feel like a million bucks? Noritoshi would be the type of man who people would think doesnt really care about love and marriage, when in reality, he just spent the entire night listening to you yap about your day, about Hello Kitty, about uncle Naoya, pausing in between to say "hmm, okay its getting late, we should sleep" only to suddenly remember a new topic to ramble on about. And youd think Noritoshi wanst listenting to you with the way hes staring at your face in awe, but really- he remembers every single word. You could quiz him. Its funny listening to man like him talk about Hello Kitty.

When the time comes for you two to actually get married, Naoya throws a fit, and surprisingly, the Zenin clan also doesnt want to marry you off to Kamo clan (or anyone). People opposing the marriage from your side would be the Zenin clan, the twins (who start telling you all the reasons why marriage is a trap and youd be dead in 2 days.), Gojo (he just chuckles and tells you not to worry because he wont let you be forced into marriage), Nanami (my man wholeheartedly believes youre being a victim of child marriage, BUT NOT ON HIS WATCH! GONNA KILL ANYONE WHO EVEN THINKS OF U LIKE THAT- just sit in his condo and eat the sandwhich he made for you. And dont argue.), Megumi (who doenst get why he wasnt ever informed that you, his baby sister, was in an arranged marriage, and why the hell didnt Noritoshi try to get his blessings/permission considering THAT HES YOUR CLOSEST FAMILY MEMBER??? Also, no- youre not marrying Kamo) and then... theres Sukuna (if you thought Naoya threw a fit, youre in for A WORLD OF TANTRUMS AS SUKUNA SCREAMS AND MOST LIKELY KILLS WHOEVER IS IN A MILE VICINITY, just to let off some steam and calm down before he talks to you and REMINDS YOU THAT YOU PROMISED TO MARRY HIM! HAVE YOU BEEN PROPOSING TO EVERY GUY YOU MET?)

People supporting this union would be all from Noritishi's side, including- the Kamo clan, Choso Kamo (cause ofc, youre just a precious baby like Yuji, and with you being part of the clan means he can protect u better), and surprise surprise Kenjaku (because youd be strong addition to the clan and then you and Nori will have babies with SUPER STRONG CURSED ENERGY AND HE'LL ACCOMPLISH HIS PLAN FOR WORLD DOMINATION).

Anyways, its a sticky situation and it all comes down to you really. Do you want to marry Noritoshi or not?

[vincentbriggs]

I finished the jacket I started last month, but the weather has been in the high 20's for the past few days, so I'll have to wait a while to wear it.

Both of the main fabrics were from the thrift store, and came to a total of 9 dollars. The grey wool was just a smidge too small and I had to piece a little bit on one of the back panels, but I still have a good sized chunk of the burgundy glazed cotton left.

[strawberri-elixir]

Sleepless nights

╰⇢ 9. Good shit

Warnings: just yuta being in denial again?? (no surprise tho)

note: THERE’S WRITING AFTER THE FIRST 10 IMAGES you don’t wanna miss it :] also thank you for all the support?! i never thought there would be many people who would want to read this series. but i’m thankful for all of you <3

“Alright. So how about we all split up into pairs while we go around the mall?” Nobara took a sip of her drink as you all began leaving the food court.

“That would probably be easier.” Yuta nodded.

“But there’s seven of us.” You added.

“You guys will just have to be in a group of three.” Maki slung her arm over Nobara’s shoulder, giving a sly grin to the black haired boy.

“I don’t think-” Yuta tried to protest.

“Perfect! Inumaki, you’ll come with us!” You interjected, taking a hold of the boy’s hand.

Maki watched with an amused look as Yuta glared at her. He knew exactly what she was trying to do, but it’s not like he could do anything about it.

“Let’s go then!” You began dragging the two boys away.

The three of you then began strolling through the mall, pointing at windows and looking inside the stores. You did most of the dragging, pulling Yuta and Inumaki into whatever store caught your eye.

“Look at this!” You smack Yuta’s arm to get his attention. The three of you were currently stationed at the front counter of an antique shop, looking at all the various trinkets that were displayed behind the glass barrier.

In this case, you were focused in on a simple silver ring. The obviously well-loved wedding band sat in a velvet box, practically begging for attention. You couldn’t help but stare at it.

Small engravings ran through the material, creating intricate designs across the entire surface. A truly beautiful piece of jewelry. It almost drew you in, in some way. Like a magnet.

“I’m almost scared to ask how much that is.” Yuta chuckled.

“It can’t be as bad as you think.” You smile. “How much is this ring?” You ask the old lady behind the counter, pointing at the silver ring.

“That one? It’s 50 dollars. But for a young one like yourself, I’ll let you have it for 40.” She smiled.

As much as you appreciated the kindness, you politely declined. Not because you felt bad, but because you simply couldn’t afford it. It was times like this when you really wished you had a job.

“I can pay for it.” Yuta offered.

“No way! I’d actually feel bad if you payed for this. 40 bucks is a lot even for you!” You immediately shut him down.

It’s true, 40 dollars is a lot for broke high school students, even if they have jobs. You couldn’t allow Yuta to spend that kind of money on you.

“You sure? You’ve been eyeing that ring for a solid 15 minutes while we looked around the store.”

“Positive.” You gave the ring one more glance before forcing yourself to leave the store. “Let’s go. Any more staring and I’ll regret not having enough money.”

“Alright, I just want to look at some of those old journals before we go, just wait outside for me.” Yuta shooed you away.

You roll your eyes with a smile, turning your attention to Inumaki as the two of you walked out. “I bet he’s gonna take a long time.”

The two of you found a bench to wait for Yuta, sitting down side by side, the two of you sat in silence. It wasn’t long before Inumaki pulled out his phone, swiping to a game and started playing.

“What are you playing?” You lean over and watch the boy tap away on his screen. He angled his phone to you, displaying a familiar game layout. “Oh! You play Genshin?”

The boy gives you a simple not. It was obvious he wasn’t much of a talker, but that didn’t bother you.

“That’s cool. I don’t really play but I really like watching this one streamer play.” You started going on about the game. “If I’m annoying you, just tell me, okay?”

“You’re not bothering me. Keep going.” He mumbled.

It was the first time you ever heard him actually speak to you. His voice was low, lower than Yuta’s at least. A little husky from the lack of use. But soft at the same time.

You couldn’t help but smile. It was like the next step in your already growing friendship. You continued to watch the boy play, leaning on his shoulder as time went on.

Masterlist | Next

fun facts:

— even though she’s all for the chaos, maki does genuinely want yuta to be happy and confess his feelings

— inumaki has his phone always on do not disturb because of the amount of notifications he gets

— the original monster energy drink is yuta’s favourite because he rarely drinks them (you try to get him to try different flavours but he just doesn’t like them)

taglist:

@sur-i-ki @aespaforlifersyall @camilo-uwu @butterflyqueen234 @shinsukeee @tanchosanke @emii4evr @lees-chaotic-brain @you-always-made-me-blush @jayathelostdragon @chilichopsticks @polarbvnny @instantmusico @sad-darksoul @hellyyy06 @rosieandthethorns @zellwa @iluv-ace @h3xi2g0n3 @morgyyyyyyy @bellaabee082

Bold means I for some reason can’t tag you! I don’t know why :[

[mortuarywriting]

Falling into Place

Ao3 Link - [First] - [Next Chapter ->]

All things considered this isn't what you were expecting to wake up to when you went to bed. One minute you're on your phone, trying to pass out, and the next? You're here. You've had some interesting greetings in your life, but dropping about six feet and having twelve guns leveled at your face? That takes the cake

Warnings:

Reader Insert, Plus-Size Reader, The Author Regrets Everything, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Isekai, canon divergence Look we're gonna dig into the implications of omegasverse changing bits and pieces of history as well as addressing whatever the FUCK is happening as CoD's history. Idk man Godzilla is canon and nobody bats an eye at that fact and you think I'm gonna be normal about that? No

You could be having a worse day, you think, as you stare at the interrogation table you're cuffed to. They could've shot you the second you fell the six feet from the sky into a random army base. That's a very real thing that could've happened.

But no, you just had a dozen guns pointed at you in one moment and a slew of questions you didn't have satisfying answers for.

No, you had no idea how you got there. You'd been in bed tooling around on your phone and then you were falling.

They asked who you worked for, and were not impressed by your mundane answer. You didn't work for some pmc or intelligence organization. You asked them to their faces if they thought you could pass a PT test if you tried. Not that they answered or appreciated your point, mind.

It was only after you gave them whatever identifying information you had that things got… spicy.

"I would love to tell you what this designation of yours is if you tell me what you mean. Is it like a classification of civilian versus enlisted? Is it physical? Is it your horoscope? I don't know what I don't know," you explain again for the Nth time. You didn't wanna play twenty questions but here you fuckin were, captive audience and all.

The man asking you questions had lost his charming good cop look. He was getting more and more annoyed on this one, "your designation," a demand, not a question and sure as shit not an answer.

"Again, would love to tell you! I don't know what you mean! Feels like some kinda Star Wars thing," you grumble the last bit to yourself but the man cocks his head.

His eyes narrow, "what are… Star Wars, you said?"

You blink owlishly, "beg pardon?"

"Star War. Clarify."

It's your turn for your brow to furrow, and furrow it does, "Star Wars? As in the multi-billion dollar franchise created by George Lucas and eventually sold to Disney," your tone is questioning, just shy of asking if the guy lived under a rock but his expression didn't let up and the last thing you needed was bad cop, so you continued, "the story of what happened a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away? The political space series of movies versus Star Trek's more scientific and discovery based longstanding TV show? Nine major movies and the Clone Wars before Disney sunk their talons in. Like yeah we got more shows and movies that expanded the universe but they also cut out decades of book contributions in their acquisition and that kinda sucked. But yeah, that Star Wars?"

"Nine movies," his tone is disbelieving, and now it's your turn for your eyebrows to raise, "can you name them?"

You nod, "well yeah. Do you want them in episode order or release?"

His brows furrow, "did they not release in order?"

"In a sense? Three trilogies, 4-5-6 back in the late 70s early 80s, then 1-2-3 in the late 90s early 00s, and 7-8-9 through the teens. So order, yes, just… not a cohesive one."

"Release, then," he leaned back and crossed his arms, a position you'd love to mimic if you weren't cuffed to the table for… an indeterminate period of time now, actually.

"A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi-"

"Woah now, empire? What's a jeddy?"

You give him a blank look, trying very hard to mask your disbelief as you look between him and the mirror behind him. You look at your reflection, take a deep breath, and- "sir would it be easier for you to maybe check the internet?"

He seemed to bristle, nose flaring and looking at you expectantly.

You just… kinda sat there. You tapped your fingers together on the desk and kept the eye contact he was intent on. It took a good minute and him getting progressively pissier before you simply ask, "would you like the other movies now?"

You didn't expect an explosion of movement from the man. He downright snarled and slammed his hands on the table as he burst to his feet, the sudden change sending his chair screeching back before falling with a clatter. You leaned as far back as your cuffed hands would allow, eyes wide and a panic rising.

Both of you turned to look at the door when it slammed open with a barked, "Williams!" 

The man who opened it reared back a bit, "Christ, layin' it on a bit thick," he groused, his tone sounding more like someone chastising a teenager for using too much Axe body spray. He smoothed his posture back into something casual as he fanned the air dismissively with a hand, "cap wants you to take a walk."

Your interrogator- Williams, apparently- stares at the man in the door, the two locking eyes before the one in the door straightens from his purposely relaxed posture. You watch the both of them, noting the shoulders tensing as the two just. Staring at each other? Eventually the guy who'd been grilling you looked away and stormed out, the man in the doorway letting him slip out easily enough before turning a charming look back to you.

He took a minute to fan the door a few times to get newer, blissfully cool air in before he entered the room, "sorry 'bout him. He really did a number in here," the new guy tsked before closing the door quietly behind himself.

Your brow furrowed even as you slowly relaxed a bit, had this Williams guy like… farted or something? A nice quirk of ventilation keeping you from smelling something abhorrent? Either way you simply shrug as he walks in and tips the chair back up, sitting and giving another reassuring smile, "how you doing, love?"

You opened and closed your mouth a few times before simply settling on, "I'm a bit… whelmed? This has been," you give as vague a rolling gesture as you can without your cuffs rattling too badly, "a lot? And I have no idea what just set him off either?"

It's the man before you's turn to quirk a brow, "no idea?"

"If I knew the answers to his questions I'd've given 'em by now. I don't, though, and then he just started staring? And hell I just thought it was some kinda macho 'I can stare the truth out of you,'" you pitched your voice lower and pushed your shoulders out for a second to mimic the douchebag behavior before settling, "so I kept eye contact because I'm so out of my depth I have no reason to lie at all and now…" you trail off, gesturing around the room, "all that."

The man nods slowly, "alright love, could you tell me about the last five years?"

Your brows furrow, "oh fuck, 2019 was five years ago wasn't it. God, time is an illusion. Anyway, you want what I was doing leading up to and through the pandemic?"

You think he might've startled for a second but he simply moved to scratch his chin, "mhmm. Just your thoughts on the last five years is all."

So… you ramble. Because he was nice and not prodding or asking weird questions. You talk to him about your job before the pandemic, how people thought covid was just a flu until the death tolls kept climbing, how tons of governments dropped the ball on a local or country-wide level and how that kicked back onto your life, and then the absolute crapshoot of the last election cycle, the shitty 'oh no this is the new normal everything is fine' behavior that has lead to surges and cycles of a fucking plague and so on. He simply nodded, gave some sympathetic hums and winces appropriately at your experiences.

"And did you go back and watch Star Wars through that? Or other things Disney owned?"

And, well, that was a weird way to phrase it but you shrugged, "the mouse is just shy of a monopoly and not one that anybody can take that down so… yeah, I guess? They kept putting shows out and expanding their Star Wars universe so that's been kinda neat to watch but not just them, no. Couple other games and stuff like that to keep me busy, too," you kinda handwave and shut up because panic rambling to MILITARY PERSONNEL is probably not your smartest move in hindsight. Especially when you don't know his name. A+, self.

You tap your fingers against the metal table as he looks at you, "and you said covid has a long term effect of ruining people's senses of smell and taste?"

You nod slowly, "yeah, dude? It's one of the biggest warning signs for most people? Like if everything starts tasting like it was made by a middle class white mom who keeps shoving random letters in her kids names you should swab? That kinda shit?"

What rock has this guy been living under? You were pretty sure the military were supposed to be way more familiar with this shit all things considered, but you've been wrong before.

It was his turn to give you a bit of a wide eyed look before he poorly covers a laugh, "alright, that's fair. I need to go talk with my captain," he hooks a thumb over his shoulder to the window, which didn't surprise you that there had been people back there. He offers a reassuring smile as he stands, humming idly as he pushes the chair back in. He pauses mid-step, "you mentioned that there were cards…?"

You find yourself nodding slowly, "yeah it was important and you couldn't fly or go to certain places if you didn't have one for a while. Should still have a picture of mine buried on my phone," you really didn't wanna get another first-round of covid shots, you REALLY didn't wanna repeat the 24 hours of suck for no reason.

"Cool, thanks," he flashes another charming grin before he slides out of the room.

You lean back in your chair, what an odd guy. Nice though.

-------

"Right," Gaz says as he opens the door to Price and Ghost, "either our mystery guest is off her nut or she's legitimately from somewhere and somewhen else."

Ghost and Price look at each other before turning back to Gaz, this… complicated matters.

Well, it's not like you hadn't given them information to identify yourself. They'd dig up who you were one way or another.

-------

You stare blankly as the nice man from before gives you a sympathetic look, "what do you mean I'm dead?"

Behind him is a guy you're not sure if he's just fuckoff huge or if he's just moderately huge and it's forced perspective.

You don't think it's forced perspective.

You are absolutely trying not to panic spiral.

You are absolutely doing a horrible job at that.

"Well," he opens the file before him and there's a news article, proudly proclaiming "Locals Die in Horrible Freak Accident" like that's not some form of you that was looking like some smear on the pavement, "there's this. Fingerprints match up. Can check for dental if you're really curious."

"Were there even any teeth left after that," you mumble as you take and read the offered article. Seven people were involved, the pictures used are mostly flattering. Hell, you almost don't mind what pic they used for an alternate you but… "that's certainly not the pic I would've wanted. Maybe this me had different tastes?"

You take the time to actually read through the article. It's not helping because for as much as you stare at the page you're not absorbing any information. Some form of detachment, if this was really you? You'd died. A different you but a you nonetheless. You died and you're reading how it happened. There was a lot to unpack in all this and you just needed to put the suitcase away for now. You'd much rather throw it away at this rate.

You were rapidly coming to the understanding that you and Toto were not in Kansas anymore, and there wasn't a convenient yellow brick road to get yourself back home. No easy way to get the hell out of Dodge either. Was it Dodge or the O.K. Corral that was in Kansas? No the O.K. Corral wasn't in Kansas- Dodge was though, that's right. 

This analogy was getting away from you and some part of you figured this was just your brain trying to protect yourself but… wait, wasn't this a metaphor? There wasn't 'like' or 'as' or goddammit not again.

You recognize some names here and there but largely everyone involved were perfect strangers. The article doesn't cover if it would've been slow or quick. You hope for the smear that it was quick. Smears like that don't happen slowly, right? Well, not unless it's like a dramatic slide down a window, but not usually across pavement like that.

Still not sure how you feel about all of it. Bit morbid being confronted with your mortality like that.

Certainly answered a lot of questions about your theoretical passing you never thought about. Like if the obituary for you in what you know to be your own home and world is just as… really kinda just mediocre as this. Have you really done nothing of note for an obituary? Damn.

You kept pouring over the article, each pass bringing new words into focus that help connect the picture a little bit, but… Something repeated in the article made you pause, "two alphas, four betas, and an omega?" 

There was no decent way to ask about that. Any questions invoked from here would border into dangerous territory better kept between yourself and a private browser history. You knew what you were about but there was no fucking way.

"Their designations," the nice man whose name you still hadn't caught explains, "mostly explaining their secondary gender."

You look at him owlishly. You pray to whatever God might be listening that you wake up shortly. Or that the earth below your feet opens up and swallows you. Whichever comes first, the mortification will snipe you otherwise.

"Please tell me this is an elaborate joke at my expense," you are very quiet as you are trying to get really cool with a lot of things really quickly.

"Negative," the big fucker in the back practically growled and you knew that voice would do things to you if you weren't half stepped out of your own body. 

You missed whatever his followup was but your brow furrowed when you checked the date on the article, "I've been dead for months? That…" you let the paper fall from your hands. Everything about this is wild at best and very overwhelming at worst. 

A lot of this qualified as worst.

You look up at the two, missing the odd look they shot at each other as you try to pull yourself back together, "so now what? You've got a not-a-smear of me that fell from the sky onto a secure military base, and where I'm from we didn't have," you paused to gesture between the paper and the two soldiers, "dynamics was it? That was just a fanfiction special."

"Fanfiction."

The way he said it was so carefully neutral you paused, "oh my god without Star Trek to popularize fanfiction and the fan community, how has fandom evolved? Is fanfiction a thing- well, yes, it does fanfics have been a thing since Dante Alighieri wrote the Divine Comedy and even before- well, the question is more if it's still popularized? Are there still the wattpad fics of- I am getting so off track. What exactly is the next step?"

You look from the nice man to the big fucker and back, neither saying anything but looking at you with careful blankness.

You felt like you were being weighed and measured in their eyes.

You hoped to anyone listening that you weren't found wanting at least. Not when you're in the shit situation it looks like you ever so increasingly fell into.

"Considering I'm. Not smear. And very much not from here? Are blanks a thing? Or is that what a beta is I'm," you trail off, brow furrowing, "fuzzy. On the whole thing. The flavor of understanding, dynamics, and population skew tended to be dependant on the author's level of horny."

The did get a bit of a snort from the pretty one before you, the one in the back tilting his head just so as the pretty one spurred you on, "okay please don't take this the wrong way, you have given me nothing to go on but A/B/O and-" a finger was raised in question to that, you quickly explaining, "the fanfic shorthand for the universe without being a mouthful. Anyway- I've seen population numbers being roughly the same across the board, I've seen alphas and omegas at roughly 1% of the population of society on either end, I've seen alphas at about 5% and omegas at 1%- those ones are usually the most horny I swear.

"And it's all over the board, no consistency- sometimes it's betas are infertile, sometimes they're the straightman to the comedy that's an alpha and omega trying to woo each other without being too horny to function. Sometimes it's a sliding scale where being beta just means you're more the more middle-ground regulated hormonally with alphas and omegas being the opposing ends of a spectrum. Can you please say something and give me a fucking break because my panic rambles are probably like. Some kinda prejudiced. I'm still not over the 'I'm supposed to be a smear on the ground we don't even have dental images of to confirm who it is anymore' nugget you dropped on me. I think I'm doing well for this"

You would rather not tell them that as soon as you're out of this box of a room you were gonna be curled up in a ball and unabashedly weeping. That was none of their business.

The pretty one gave you what you're sure was supposed to be a reassuring smile but the quiet stretched just a bit too long. You looked from one to the other before leaning forward, "is this supposed to be soothing in some way? Because it's just a bit of an extended awkward silence and that's uh-"

It was the big one in the back's turn to give an amused snort, the pretty one looking bashful, "right, sorry, we uh-"

You jerk a bit, "wait, was that supposed to be some scent thing," you really didn't wanna say pheromones and potentially dig yourself into a deeper, more awkward hole based on Horny Pseudoscience.

Pretty rubbed the back of his neck, "something like that. You really couldn't smell anything?"

You know the exact Face you're making. It's very much your 'I have told you this and I'm getting tired of having to repeat it' face. You can tell he clocks it but for the record, because to your mortification this has to be recorded, you simply give a succinct, "no, I haven't smelled anything. Not from you, not from him," you jerk your head towards the big fucker, "and not from douchebag from be- Williams! His name was Williams. Nothing. Really had no clue why you were fanning the door when you came in."

You sigh, rubbing the heels of your palms into your eyes, "okay. Assuming I'm not about to be put into past tense a second time. Do we have any idea what popped me out here?"

The sentences are stilted, you know you're getting more rattled the longer you're here but sue you alright it's been the worst six hours of your life here.

They just continue to look at you, pretty keeping a polite almost customer service look as big one just stares unceasingly.

"Right. Okay. Am I going to be reintegrated to society or is this," you gesture around the little room as much as you can, "looking like my home for the foreseeable future."

No change in what you can see of either's expression, and you just sag. Deep breath in, deep breath out, "cool. Alright. Well. I know nothing of how biology is altered here, I'm not sure how that has impacted changes throughout history, and frankly I don't know what your pop culture has done. I'm assuming math and written languages are largely the same but in all fairness I don't know what I don't know."

You just stare quietly at the table for a bit longer before looking back at the two of them, "is there anything else you need because I can feel the freakout creeping up and while I know there's no real privacy, uh…"

The pretty one looked back to the big one, at some point you're sure you'll get some sort of names but for now? Now you watch the big one nod, the pretty one give you a polite smile and some vaguely polite bullshit your brain is swiftly going too far out to hear.

You only hope that whoever is behind the mirror is polite enough to look away as you put your head down on the table and give yourself the opportunity to, just this once, cry. As a treat.

[Next Chapter -> ]

[sabrerine911]

X-men Earth-911b (97 Lineup) collage Basically felt like doing a collage piece of the 9 pieces of my variants of the X-men I did when X-men 97 was coming out.Also,Im thinking to make a Patreon promotion post every wednesday, so since today I posted all my X-men pieces on there, with small descriptions on how my versions of these characters are You can check em out here! https://www.patreon.com/ArtFrenzy Im planning to keep all my posts Public, and the Patreon was resurrected to work as a potential pillar to keep me going in art.So with all that said, every support counts, even a single dollar ^^ But if that doesnt interest you, absolutely cool. Ill still do my best to keep posting and making art as usual in the meantime!

[imdead770]

The Outsiders x Reader - Making a Gingerbread House With Them

Warnings - Swearing, the basics

Darry -

I think Darry is one of the few gang members who isn't a complete disaster. He'd probably put some effort into making the gingerbread house. Only problem is, he's strong. Too strong. So whenever he underestimates his strength, a whole wall gets split in two. Let's say the two of you are unboxing.

" so are we making a house or- "

...

" Seriously, Dar? That's the third time! "

Might actually end up looking decent. 9/10.

Sodapop -

Pure chaos. That's it. I feel like Sodapop is the type to eat all the frosting. He threw up after.

The gingerbread house itself is a complete mess. The frosting is smudged, there's just candy thrown on, it falls every 17 seconds. He's definitely one of the funnest to make it with, though.

" Hey, darlin! I made a gumdrop garden! "

It looked like shit, but we don't need to tell him that. In the end the gingerbread house is a mess. 10/10 experience, though.

☆ 100% put frosting on your lips and kissed it off.

Ponyboy -

He tries, he really does, but gingerbread houses have never been his thing. He is a Curtis, after all. It's not his fault he grew up with Soda. He breaks a few pieces, gets frosting everywhere, all that. It probably collapses at least 4 times. The decoration is really good, though.

" Hey, babe.. the roof's uh.. sliding.. "

" so fix it. "

" ..what if I said we're out of frosting? "

Looks pretty good in the end, what's standing up, at least. 9/10.

Johnny -

I think he surprisingly has a knack for this type of thing? I just feel like Johnny can make stuff. So yeah, it's one of the only houses that stand up. He probably gets frosting everywhere, though. In his hair, smudged on his face, even on you.

" Um.. baby? You got somethin right.. "

" How did you even- "

" I don't know, okay!? "

Turns out decent. You have to go take a shower to get the frosting out of your hair, though. 10/10, though, he's really sweet the whole time.

Dallas -

He probably wouldn't even do it. But with enough convincing, a bit of flirting, and an ass ton of luck, he'd do it. I feel like he's never really done this, it's just not his thing. So it's a complete mess. Frosting goes everyone, he probably gets mad somehow and breaks a roof piece.

" Dal! I needed that! "

" And I need a million dollars, but I ain't got that, do I? "

Turns out like shit, it's really fun though. 9/10.

☆ You know those movie scenes where someone gets a bit of frosting on the other, then it's a full fledged war? Yeah. That's basically what this is.

Two-Bit -

Jumps at the opportunity. He's been waiting. This man chugs the frosting. You thought Sodapop was bad? You haven't met Two. It's a mess, but it's the most fun you'll ever have making a gingerbread house.

" Babe! Heh, look. I made a penis on the gingerbread man. "

" Two.. what the heck? "

There'd definitely be a small food fight. Again, you'd have to take a shower. Turns out decent, it's not standing, but hey, there's a penis on a gingerbreadman. 10/10.

Steve -

Chaos. He'd eat everything. Nothing is safe. The frosting? Gone. The gum drops? Digested. The fucking roof? It's already in his stomach. It's sugar, it's what he lives for. You won't even have anything to build after 5 minutes. It's gone. Dissolved.

" Hey Steve where's the wal- Jesus Christ! "

" what? "

" that's like.. the fifth wall? "

" ...want some? "

Thats basically it. There's no house to judge. 7/10.

[justagalwhowrites]

Yearling - Ch. 10: Feral

You come up with a plan to replenish Jackson's supply of horses. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-9 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: None. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only 

Length: 7k 

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Late Fall, 2003 

You thought you were 20 years old. 

It was hard to tell. You lost track of time quickly after the outbreak but you thought it was November which means you’d turned 20. It was both hard to believe that it had been more than a month since the world ended but it seemed like it should have been longer than that, too. It felt like forever. 

It had been weeks since you’d talked to another person. Leo had been the last human who wasn’t infected you’d seen and you’d rather deal with infected than him. Winter was getting closer. You could feel it in the air, the threat of snow on the wind and you couldn’t keep going like this. You’d need shelter, both for you and for Nike. 

You’d made it a point to stay off roads and stick to the wilderness. There was less chance of running into people that way, assuming there were any actual people left. You still ran into infected people out there, though. Their shrieking, clawing forms were obvious, even from afar. They weren’t smart like predators, they didn’t prowl or stalk. They just stumbled through the world hoping to run into someone else to attack. It made them easy to pick off, able to sit atop Nike and shoot them, dropping them from so far away that they weren’t even really a threat. 

But now, you would have to try your luck with the roads. You needed to find a place to hole up for the winter and you weren’t going to find that where you were, it was too damn remote. It was a risk, you knew, but the bigger risk was staying out in the elements where you’d freeze to death. One was a sure shot at death, the other was just a really good chance of it. 

So when you came across a road, you made the call.

“Well, at least we’ll go down swingin’,” you scratched Nike’s neck and sighed, guiding her onto the pavement. 

You were on the road for a few hours before you came to a town. You could smell it before you saw it, the air rotten and reeking. You scrunched your nose against it, passing the burned out shell of a humvee as you came up on the gas station and dollar store that marked the edge of whatever tiny place you’d stumbled upon. 

The town was small, maybe four streets. There was a McDonald’s and a small grocery store and then, at the center of town, at the corner with a pharmacy and a delivery pizza place and a dentist’s office, was a pile of bodies. 

It looked like the whole town, dozens of them all rotting and bloated, flies gathered on distended and split bellies. 

“Fuck,” you leaned over the side of Nike and threw up, choking and gagging on the sight and smell. 

Once you were sure you weren’t going to vomit on yourself, you dismounted and took Nike’s bridle, stepping as close as you dared to the decomposing pile. One of the bodies was intact enough that you could see what killed him. A bullet to the head. 

“What the fuck?” You breathed, looking over more of the bodies. The few you could make out had all been shot. “What the fuck?” 

They could all have been infected, of course. But the whole town? All at once? To put in some perverse pile like trash? It didn’t make sense. Something else had happened here. 

“We’re just gonna figure out where the fuck we are and pick a place to go,” you said to Nike as you led her to the pharmacy. 

You pried the doors open and went to the single check out counter, looking for something to tell you where you were. You managed to break open the cash register - not that you bothered holding onto any of the money, the sudden realization that these pieces of paper were inherently valueless barely even registering when compared to the pile of bodies outside - and found the cash bag for the bank. There was a label on the front. “Wilson’s Pharmacy 167 Main St. Davis Junction Wyoming.” 

“Davis Junction,” you said to yourself quietly, frowning. The name was familiar. You recognized it from something but you couldn’t put your finger on what. 

You looked outside to make sure Nike was still tethered to the lamp post and made your way quickly through the store, finding what supplies you could from what had already been looted. There were some canned foods, at least, and some bottled drinks. There were also packs of tampons and some pain killers so you took those, too. You loaded Nike down with everything you could fit into the saddle bags and your pack before going to scratch her forehead. 

“Davis Junction,” you said to her. She chuffed. “Sounds familiar to you, too, then?” She stomped her hooves impatiently. You went to climb on her back again when you remembered where you knew the name of the town. 

This was the place where one of the stupid tourist ranches your ranch sold horses to picked up their clients. There was a tiny airport just outside of town, just big enough for all the rich assholes in their private planes to fly in to dress up and play cowboy for a week or two. The ranch was north of town a good 25 miles, you thought, and off the beaten path. 

If it had turned out like where you’d come from, everyone there would be dead or turned and you’d have the place to yourself. The perfect spot to ride out the winter. 

“Let’s see if we can’t find that place, huh?” You gave Nike a pat and pointed her north, heading to where you hoped you’d find salvation. You didn’t want to come back here if you could help it, not to the rotting flesh and the haunting emptiness of the place. 

It took you the better part of two days to find the ranch, relying on the hazy memory you had of bringing horses you’d broken over in the fall of 2002 to turn down different dirt roads that weren’t labeled and seemed to lead into the wilderness. 

But eventually, you found it. You were right, the place was abandoned. You went room by room through the bunk house and the main house and the barn - the horses that had been housed there long gone. There was plenty of tack left, though. Feed, too. If you could keep pests out of it, there was enough to last Nike all winter. 

The trick would be getting you through it all. 

“At least you’re covered,” you sighed, scratching Nike’s neck. She chuffed. “You’re the better of us, anyway.” 

Your first winter on your own was rough. 

You’d never cooked for yourself before. You’d gone straight from living with your parents to living in the bunkhouse where all the meals were provided for you. You’d made mac and cheese for yourself a few times and knew how long to toast a Pop Tart but that was about the extent of it. 

Now, you didn’t have the luxury of a stove or oven or even a grocery store. There were some canned things left behind but you wanted to stretch it, so you started hunting.

You’d hunted with your dad and brothers as a girl but had never dressed an animal, so you took a guess. You also took a guess at how to cook the damn thing, assuming it was safe to eat once the outside was charred black. 

You were wrong. 

You gave yourself food poisoning six times that winter, thought you were dying at least twice. You damn near froze to death in the bunk house before you decided to check out a cluster of cabins for the tourists that you’d passed several times on your hunts but never actually gone into. Sometime about halfway through the winter, you moved you and Nike into them. They were smaller so they warmed up easier and they had working fireplaces. 

Things got a bit easier after that. 

Winter was still hard. You lost weight that you couldn’t really afford to lose and supplies from the ranch were diminished but you’d survived with Nike. By spring, you had a reasonable set up going. 

The books in the tourist cabins - put there for some kind of aesthetic set dressing you were sure - were oddly helpful. Information on hunting and trapping and foraging in the old west was abundant if not necessarily thorough. It was enough that you thought you could live there for a while without needing to risk finding a town where you might run into another person. 

It was in this newly comfortable period that you were out on Nike, further from home than you usually ventured, exploring more than anything else, when you saw them. A whole herd of wild horses, dozens of them, running free.

You weren’t sure how long you watched them. They clearly hadn’t seen people in a while, paying you and Nike no mind as they went about their business grazing and running. You scratched Nike’s neck. 

“All my eggs are in one horse sized basket with you, aren’t they?” You said. 

Many of your traps were too far away to reasonably walk to check them regularly. You were too far from any towns to make it on foot and back in a day, especially hauling anything back with you. You wouldn’t last long without a horse and you had one. If she broke a bone, escaped, got shot in an attack, you’d be fucked. 

You leaned forward on the saddle, watching the horses.

“How about we get you a sister?”

June, 2026

Joel was next to you, close enough that your arm brushed his. 

It was about the only thing keeping you from snapping into a full blown panic. You were wearing the shirt again but the smell was already fading. Having Joel close enough that you could feel him there was helping keep you grounded. 

“Clearly our current patrol schedule and pattern was lacking,” Warren, an ex-Army officer who coordinated the patrols, was saying. “We absolutely cannot cut back, not now. Not if we expect to stay safe.” 

“Our resources are limited,” Maria sighed. “We only have so many horses…” 

“We have the foals,” Warren said. “How long ‘fore they’re trained?” 

“Now is as good a time as any to hear from the stables,” Maria sighed, her eyes finding you pressed against the back wall, your nails digging into the wood paneling until it hurt. 

You froze for a moment, chest tight. 

“You can do this,” Joel said gently. You glanced up at him. He gave you a small smile. “I’ll be right here. You’re OK.” 

You hadn’t really wanted to come to this council meeting at all. Tommy got Joel to talk you into it. Consciously, you knew you needed to be there. The whole purpose of the meeting was to discuss how to handle patrols after the attack now that you were down almost half a dozen animals. You needed to be there. 

But you knew the whole town would be crammed into one room, that emotions would be high, and that you’d probably need to talk in front of everyone. You’d never been one for public speaking, not even before. Now? It seemed like hell. 

But you had to do it. 

You took a deep, shaky breath and crossed your arms over your front before you spoke up. 

“We got…” 

“Can you step forward?” Maria cut you off. “We’re having a hard time hearing you from back there.” 

You clenched your jaw. 

“I’ll go with you,” Joel said quietly. “I’ll watch your back, you’re OK.” 

You pushed yourself off the back wall and walked up the middle aisle of the chairs packed into the meeting hall, Joel close enough behind you that you could feel him there. You kept your eyes on Maria. You liked Maria. She was safe. You stopped in front of the council, Joel close behind, the weight of every eye in the room heavy on you. 

“We got three foals right now but they’re yearlings,” you said, arms crossed, eyes on Maria. “They’re too new to break yet, can’t start workin’ with them until next year. We can try to foal some more, but it’ll take a year before they’re here and two more before we can start to work with ‘em. Add another two months to break ‘em, so three and a half years…” 

“So you’re saying we’re fucked,” Warren said. 

You looked at him, brows drawn together. 

“That ain’t what I said at all,” you replied. “There’s…” 

“Sounds like that’s what you’re saying,” he cut you off before turning back to the council. You clenched your jaw, fingers digging into your biceps. “What we really need…” 

“What you really need to do is shut the fuck up and let her finish talkin’,” Joel growled over him. “This ain’t your area of expertise.” 

Joel had stepped closer to you, at your shoulder now. You glanced up at him and he gave you a nod. 

“What I was saying,” you said, glaring at Warren before looking back to Maria. “There’s another option.” 

“Which is?” She asked. 

“We catch horses instead of breeding them,” you said. The room went almost eerily quiet, none of the soft side conversations still happening. 

“We’ve never tried to catch and break wild horses before,” another council member, Anthony, frowned. “Seems like a big risk…” 

“It’s not,” you said, all but forgetting the room full of people. “I’ve done it before, there are herds of feral horses I think about 40 miles north of here. Getting them back here will take some doing but send enough people and we can do it. Breaking a feral horse is a bit more work than one you foaled yourself but it’s perfectly doable. We send a group up to capture a few, bring them back here. I can get them all to dumb broke and then divide up the rest of the work, Olivia can handle some, Simon, too. In four months, give or take, we can get back to full capacity.” 

“And you’re confident you can do this,” Maria asked, brows raised. 

“Did it before without help,” you shrugged. “Shouldn’t be a problem now.” 

“Then we’ll send a group to find horses next week,” she said. “Warren, in the mean time, find a way for us to cover the immediate area at least partially on foot, get us through until we’re back up to our normal supply of horses.” 

You stayed put as the meeting hall emptied, leaning against Joel as it did. After a moment, his hand went to your lower back and you relaxed into him. You wanted some breathing room before trying to make your way back home, not up for the press of people as they filtered onto the street and went their separate ways. 

“Thanks,” you said, glancing up at him. “Hate fuckin’ talking in front of people…” 

“Warren’s a jackass when he decides he’s right about somethin’,” Joel said. “Can’t tell when to shut the fuck up for the life of ‘em.” 

“Wonder what that’s like,” you smirked a little and caught Joel rolling his eyes when you looked up at him. 

“Let’s get you home before you find a way to cause more trouble,” he muttered. 

“When do I cause trouble?” You turned to look at him directly, eyes wide. He smiled. 

“You stole a horse the first day you were here,” he nudged you toward the door. “So we’ll start there, work our way through the last eight months…” 

“Yeah, yeah,” you elbowed him in the side, the room quieter and empty now. 

You always walked slowly when you walked home with Joel. Sometime in the past few weeks, the balance of something had tipped and you liked it more when you were next to him than when you were by yourself. You were spending more and more time with him as a result, half waiting for him to ask for space from you after you hung around so much. He hadn’t yet. 

“So this horse mission…” he trailed off, hands in his pockets. 

“Yeah?” You looked over to him. 

“Sounds…” he paused, quirking his jaw but not looking at you. “Sounds like it might be dangerous.” 

“Not exactly safe,” you shrugged. “But if you’re not a dumbass about it, no more dangerous than going on patrol.” 

“Not gonna get yourself killed because Warren’s too stubborn to figure out a new way to handle patrols, are you?” He asked, finally looking at you, his eyebrows knitted together. “Because if it’s too dangerous…” 

“I wasn’t lyin’ when I said I used to do this,” you smiled a little at him. “Took and broke probably three dozen horses after the outbreak, I can do it. Getting them all the way back here will be a struggle, though.” 

Joel nodded slowly. 

“You doubtin’ me?” You asked, half teasing but half not. It surprised you but you cared that he had faith in your skills. You needed him to think that you were capable, competent. Needed him to understand that you weren’t some useless thing shadowing him through the world. 

“Bambi, couldn’t pay me enough to doubt your skills with horses,” he smiled a little. “Just don’t want you puttin’ yourself in harm’s way. It’s not worth it.” 

“Will you come with me?” You asked. “To get the horses I mean.” 

He scoffed. 

“Good luck getting me to stay behind.” 

You smiled a little at that. 

“Is where we’re headed…” he trailed off, looking at his feet. “You sounded familiar with it. You been there recently?” 

You nodded slowly, your stomach clenching. 

“Been a few years but…” you shrugged, trying not to think of the place you left behind. Of what you would do to go back to what it was before. “The horses will be there. That’s the important thing.” 

Even with the slow pace, you reach your house eventually. Both your footsteps slow up your walk until you’re at your door. You cross your arms over your body and bite your lip, staring at Joel’s chest for a second before you work up the nerve to speak. 

“Can I ask a favor?” You couldn’t look him in the eye. 

“Course Bambi,” you could hear the frown in his voice. “What d’you need?” 

“I really love the shirt,” you said, gripping the cuffs a little tighter, nails digging into your palm through the cotton. “But… I think I’ve been wearin’ it too much and it doesn’t…” 

“Want another one?” He cut off your rambling and you were actually able to meet his gaze then. He was smiling a little, his eyes crinkled and warm and soft and you had the strangest urge to reach up and touch his face. You squeezed your biceps instead and nodded quickly. “I’ll give you another in a day or two. Don’t want you stuck with somethin’ that’s just sweaty…” 

“Thank you,” you leaned forward and pressed your forehead into his chest, breathing him in. You didn’t fully realize you were doing it until you were touching him - not that you had to go far to do it, you found yourself standing closer and closer to Joel all the time anymore - but you were relieved the second your body made contact with his. There was a relief in touching him. It sank into you, loosening your neck and your shoulders and your arms and your stomach until you had relaxed into him. He delicately put his arms around you, enveloping you in him. But you didn’t feel trapped or caged by it. Instead, you welcomed it, felt secure in it. Your arms slowly, cautiously, went around his waist, your hands splaying wide over his back to press his body closer. His chin came to rest on the top of your head and you could feel the life of him there against you, his breaths and his heartbeat and his heat. You held each other for a few minutes before you started to pull back from him. Not because you wanted to but because, if you didn’t, you weren’t sure what would come next. 

“See you tomorrow?” You asked, your hands shoved in your back pockets. It was safer to have them there, they weren’t at risk of doing something stupid there. 

“See you tomorrow.” 

***

Joel wasn’t thrilled with the people coming on the mission to collect horses. 

There were 12 people including him and you but Tommy was staying behind to help bolster the remaining patrols and protect the town over the few days you’d all be gone. 

Joel didn’t like it. 

There weren’t many people in Jackson he felt he could trust to really do what was necessary in situations like this one. 

Not that he didn’t generally trust the people there. He did. They were good men and women - even if Simon seemed to be begging to get laid out and Warren was a self righteous jackass. He had his issues with some of them, certainly, but they were all good people. People he was lucky to be around, given his checkered past. 

But they weren’t always the most capable. 

And, after the attack on the patrols, it felt like, when they left the town, they did it with a target on their backs.

This run was going to be even riskier than normal. 

The group would be heading far outside the usual bounds of patrols, be in greater danger returning as you guided half a dozen feral horses back across miles of open country. 

And you were helping to coordinate it all. 

Warren insisted on running point which was fine by Joel because it meant that he could stick close to you, try to force you to stick closer to the middle of the pack where you’d be less likely to be hit first by raiders or infected. 

Joel tried to not think about why he was so desperate to protect you, the flavor of the muscle-clenching fear akin to what he felt when he traveled with Ellie. You’d become woven into his life now. It hadn’t been what he’d intended when bringing you to Jackson, though he should have realized the risk of it from the first time he laid eyes on you. But you had quickly become the thing he looked forward to most every day. 

He’d work with Tommy on a construction project and find himself counting down to when he could go find you at the stable and walk to the mess hall for dinner. On days you weren’t working, he opened a window and waited for the squeak on the bottom step of his front porch - a squeak he hadn’t fixed in part because it meant he knew you were there to play guitar a second sooner. 

The one upside to this harebrained mission was the fact that he’d get to be next to you for days straight. Two days before everyone left, you were dragging your feet on the walk back to your place after movie night. Your arms were crossed over your chest, the sleeves of the shirt Joel had given you a few days earlier rolled up to your elbows, the bottom of it tied around your waist. Your lower lip was between your teeth as you looked at the ground, kicking clusters of dirt in the street with your boot as you walked. 

“Want to tell me what’s on your mind or are you just plannin’ to chew your lip off?” Joel asked lightly. 

“I wanna ask you somethin’ but I don’t want you feeling like you’re obligated to say yes,” you glanced up at him. 

“Ask me.” 

“Joel…” You sighed and trailed off. 

“Try me, Bambi.” 

You looked up at him. 

“I haven’t needed to sleep near other people in… a while,” you looked back toward your feet. “I’m not sure… I don’t know how that’s going to go. You’re the only person I trust enough to sleep next to and I was hoping that, if you’re OK with it, when we go out…” 

“Course, Sweetheart,” he smiled a little. “I was gonna try and stick close to you anyhow.” 

“Yeah?” You glanced over at him. 

“Yeah,” he smiled a little. “Warren fuckin’ snores.” 

The journey so far had been mercifully quiet, though you were tense. Joel could sense it on you, see it in the way you sat on your horse and the way you tried to subtly press your nose into the collar of the shirt he’d given you. But you kept looking out at the horizon, like you were waiting for something to come for you. 

Joel was relieved when Warren announced that they were nearing the stopping point for the night. Like he could relax a bit once a watch schedule was set and he didn’t feel like he’d need to look for a threat from every angle to keep you alive. 

You stuck close to him all evening, sitting near enough to him during dinner that your arm brushed his when you moved. 

“Here,” Joel held a flask out to you as everyone started going their separate ways, spreading out sleeping bags as stars appeared overhead. You raised your eyebrows at him. “If you want. Might help you sleep.” 

“Thanks,” you said, taking it from him. Your fingers brushed his and he tried to ignore what the feeling of your skin on his did to him. You took a drink. “You were smart, bringing this along.” 

Joel shrugged. 

“Been a while since I was sleeping rough. Thought it might help.” 

You nodded, taking another drink.

“Was that when you were traveling with Ellie?” You asked, handing the flask back to him. He took a drink, even though he didn’t even really want one. He just wanted his lips to touch where yours had been. He put the flask away. 

“That was a long stretch of it, yeah,” he smiled a little. It was almost strange, remembering that time fondly. They’d spent a lot of time trying to not get fucking killed. But she’d been with him, reading her damn puns and asking every question under the sun and calling him an old man. He’d give anything to do that with her again. “Didn’t seem so bad then.”

The two of you spread your sleeping bags out on the ground, a bit away from the next cluster of people. Far enough that it was almost like you had privacy. 

“What happened with you two?” You asked, sitting on your sleeping bag and looping your arms around your knees. 

“She hasn’t told you?” He asked, sitting on his own sleeping bag. It was funny, you felt oddly far away now even though, just a few weeks ago, he’d have been amazed at how close you were. 

“No,” you shook your head. “Tells me to ask you. Figured if you wanted me to know you’d tell me sometime but…” You shrugged. “Seemed like a good enough time to ask.” 

Joel nodded, trying to come up with a way to phrase it right. 

“We were in… a situation,” he said, choosing his words carefully. “My options were real limited and her life was on the line. I did what I had to do to get her out alive. She disagrees.” 

You nodded slowly, processing. 

“I’m guessing you had to hurt a lot of people to get her out of it,” you said, watching him carefully. 

“Not exactly proud of it but,” he shrugged. “I’d do it the same way all over again if given the chance. It was the only choice that made sense. What was the point of all that if it just ended in her dyin’? All the hell we went through to make it this fuckin’ far, the people who died on the way… I did what any parent would do. I saved my kid. She can hate me for it if she wants, that’s fine. At least she’s alive to do it.” 

You just nodded for a second, still watching him. For a moment, he wondered if you saw him for the monster he knew he was below the surface. If the shadow of the worst of him would scare you off. 

“She’ll understand one day,” you said after a moment. “Once she’s older, she’ll get it. If she’s ever a parent. She’ll understand.” 

Joel just looked at you for a moment, the moonlight casting you in silhouette, the curve of you soft and inviting. 

He lay down instead of touching you. 

“Joel?” You said quietly after a few minutes. 

“Hm?” 

“Would it be OK if I moved closer?” 

His heart beat faster. 

“Course.” 

He watched out of the corner of his eye as you adjusted in your sleeping bag until you were inches - not feet - away. 

“Feel free to shove me back if I snore,” you said, teasing a little. 

He laughed. 

“Sure, Bambi.” 

Joel woke up before you, the soft heat of you against him. You’d moved even closer to him in your sleep, your body loosely curled against his, your face against his chest. He could feel you breathing, your face relaxed in the early morning light. 

For a moment, he froze. Was it right to enjoy this? A closeness you hadn’t intended but had happened anyway? He wasn’t sure. But you were peaceful, looking calmer and more at ease than he’d ever really seen before, the edge of your lips curved into a small smile. 

Fuck, he wanted to kiss you. Wanted to knot his fingers in your hair and pull you close and taste you. 

“Bambi, sweetheart,” he said quietly instead, delicately reaching out and tucking the hair that had come loose from your braid behind your ear, his callused fingertips brushing against your skin and fuck you were soft. You were so fucking soft how were you that fucking soft? 

Your face scrunched, eyebrows knitting together over your still closed eyes. You groaned a little and nestled closer to him. Joel’s breath hitched and let his hand fall gently, delicately, to your cheek. You sighed contentedly. 

He could have stayed like that forever. Lay there, touching you, feeling you close and safe, and never grown tired of it. But he heard the sounds of others starting to stir for the day and doubted that you’d want anyone to see the two of you like this. 

“Bambi,” he said again, voice still soft. “Time to start wakin’ up…” 

You stretched a little and yawned before you opened your eyes and jumped a little, your gaze tracing over Joel’s face for a moment. 

“Sorry,” you yawned, voice scratchy with sleep. He took his hand back. “Wasn’t tryin’ to invade your space…” 

“S’OK.” It was more than OK. So much more than OK. Your eyes trailed down between the two of you, where your bodies touched, before going back to his face. 

“You’re warm.” 

“Been told that.” 

You smiled a little before rolling onto your back and putting more distance between you than Joel ever really wanted there to be. 

He sighed. He desperately needed to get his shit together with you. 

That’s all he could really think about as the group rode the last few hours to where you thought the horses would be. About how he couldn’t let the feelings he had for you take over. It wasn’t fair to you to let them take over. You trusted him, trusted him to not do the monstrous things other men did. You could hardly stand to be in the same room as other people but, for some reason, you’d accepted that Joel was safe. How safe could he really be if he thought about touching you, undressing you, being inside you when you’d made it clear that wasn’t what you wanted? 

Joel was relieved when the group found the horses. It would, at the very least, force him to think about something besides how he shouldn’t want you for a while. 

The animals had clearly not been near people for a long time, none of them so much as stirring at your arrival. There were dozens of them, grazing and casually romping in the shallow hills. It was an oddly idyllic scene, like something from a postcard or National Geographic, the world returning to its natural state now that humans had retreated from their position of power over all things.

“Maybe this’ll be easy,” Warren said as you and Joel rode up alongside him, looking out at the herd of animals

“They’ll take off once we start comin’ for ‘em,” you said, getting the rope from your saddle and slinging bundles of it over your shoulder. “We just need to keep herding them in the right direction until we got what we came for. Try to get younger ones, mares if you can. We still have a few stallions and we can keep numbers up if we foal them ourselves but we need enough mares for that to work.” 

“Right,” Warren clenched his jaw, clearly uncomfortable needing to default to your command. You didn’t seem to notice. 

“If you have trouble actually ropin’ ‘em, just focus on herding,” you said. “I can get them all eventually if we can keep them in this area and they don’t take off too far.” 

“I can do it,” he said, defensive. 

You shrugged. 

“Feral horses are different animals. Don’t feel bad if you can’t.” 

Joel tried not to laugh, Warren looking like he wanted to burst with the indignity of it all. The man wasn’t comfortable not being the best, not being in the lead. You, it seemed, were fine running things, confident enough in what you knew to not need to posture to prove it.  

“My group will go in from the east and the north,” you said, still unbothered. “You handle west and south.” 

The group split in half, you leading one side and Warren the other. You closed your eyes for a moment, took a deep breath, and opened them again. 

“Let’s catch us some horses.” 

The system you’d devised may not have been ideal, but it worked. You were right, the horses did start moving once the group got close enough, but you found channels between them, guiding Renaissance with your body as your hands were occupied trying to get a rope around a horse. 

It took you three tries to get the lasso around the first one and you pulled it away from the rest, quickly passing the rope off to Jonathan, one of the men who’d come along for this mission. He started leading it away and you slung another rope off your arm, going for the next one. 

“Got one!” You yelled, loud enough that your voice would carry even over the thunder of hooves. “Push em’ east!” 

Joel could have watched you run horses down all day. Of course, he could have watched you do almost anything all day. But this was your element, on the back of an animal you’d worked with so much that she could anticipate your movements and you hers, bringing wild creatures to heel with your power. He was in awe of you, had to remember to play his part and not just get lost in watching you. 

You ended up taking five of the six horses Jackson needed, Warren taking the last one and looking none too pleased about his relatively lacking contribution. The horses were all tethered to trees about a quarter mile from where they’d been captured and you started working with them immediately, ingratiating yourself to them with apples and grain and water. By the end of the day, you’d gotten them to the point that they wouldn’t rear back when you approached and you’d started bringing other humans close to them with you, tying the idea of easy food to every new person they met. Joel watched in wonder when you reached a hand out for the calmest of them, like an offering. It smelled your palm and stomped its feet, huffing, before pressing its nose against your skin. 

“There we go,” you smiled, voice soft and gentle, cradling the horse’s large head in the palm of your hand. “See? I know it don’t seem like it now, but I’m a friend. I’ll take care of you, give you a good life. Promise.” 

By the time the new horses were settled enough to even consider moving them it was too late to start heading back to Jackson. You settled your sleeping bag near Joel’s again, but further than the night before. There was a distant look on your face, like you were somewhere else entirely. 

“You alright?” He asked as the two of you went to lie down for the night. 

“Fine,” you said quickly, almost too quickly. 

He frowned. You should be happy. The plan had worked, you’d successfully captured enough horses to make it that Jackson wasn’t short handed. No one had gotten hurt. You had a lot to be proud of. But you weren’t.

“Bambi…” 

“Said I’m fine, Joel.” 

He didn’t believe you when he fell asleep. He definitely didn’t believe you when he woke up, the night still dark and cold, and found your sleeping bag empty. 

He sat up quickly, looking around. Even with a bright moon it was dark and you were nowhere to be seen. 

“Bambi?” He said quietly, not really expecting a response but still feeling the thrill of panic clutch his chest when you didn’t reply. “Shit…” 

He got up, his back aching after a few hours on the ground. 

You might be with the new horses. But something told him he wouldn’t find you there. 

Instead, he went for where the horses that had come from Jackson had been put for the night and there you were, untying Renaissance from the tree she’d been tethered to, talking to her all low and calm. 

“Didn’t take you for the type to sneak off in the night,” he said, making you jump. He turned his flashlight on. 

“Jesus Christ, Joel,” you spun to face him, clutching your chest. “Scared the shit out of me.” 

“Where are you going.” 

“Joel…” 

“Where are you going, Bambi?” 

You were quiet for moment, not looking at him. 

“I was gonna be back by morning,” you said quietly. 

“Were you?” He asked. “You’re not a prisoner in Jackson, you really wanna leave that bad, you can just go. We wouldn’t stop you.” 

His chest hurt to say it, to think of you leaving. To think that you felt like you needed to slip away under the cover of darkness, not even saying goodbye.

“I know.” 

“Then what the fuck are you doin’?” His throat was tight. “Takin’ off in the middle of the fuckin’ night, not tellin’ me where you’re goin’…” 

“I lived near here.” 

Joel was quiet. You were looking at him now, eyes wide and open and honest. Pleading. 

“I lived near here,” you said again. “And… It’s been a few years but… I wasn’t sure if there… I left… I thought I could see if there was any sign of… See if they didn’t take everything when they took me and…” 

“How far.” 

“What?” 

“How far,” Joel asked again, going for his own horse. “Not goin’ out there on your own. How far is it?” 

“Only about five miles,” you said after a moment. “Joel…” 

“You really think I wouldn’t give you what you asked for if you just asked for it?” He asked. You were silent. He got on his horse. “C’mon. If we’re gonna be back by morning we gotta get moving.” 

You nodded quickly, climbing on Renaissance and leading the way. 

The ride didn’t take all that long. With just the two of you, you made it in about an hour to a patch of cleared forest that took Joel a moment to realize used to have buildings. 

“What’d they do?” You breathed, dismounting with your flashlight tight in your grip. Joel got down, too, staying close behind you as you looked around the ruins of what had once been your home. 

He could see now that there had been a few small structures here, now nothing but charred piles that had become overgrown with ferns and ivy. It had all burned and not recently.

You walked carefully, delicately through it, looking for something but there was almost nothing to find. It was gone. You made it to the middle of one of the structures and looked over the ground, shining the flashlight everywhere you could reach, picking through the burned piles on the ground, but there was nothing but dirt and ash. 

You fell to your knees and let out a single strangled, choking sob, the sound ripping out from deep inside you. 

“Bambi…” 

He knelt beside you and slowly, cautiously, put his hand in the middle of your back. 

“I didn’t think I’d be able to find…” you were crying, your voice wet. “But I thought… maybe something… I didn’t…” 

You dropped your head to Joel’s shoulder and pressed yourself against his side, your whole body shaking. He held onto you and let you cry there against him until his shirt was soaked and your breaths were steady. 

“I’m so sorry, Sweetheart,” he said, running a hand from the crown of your head down your spine. 

“Should have known better,” you said bitterly. “I know what they’re like, what they take.” 

He wanted to ask but fought the urge, instead keeping his hands on you. 

“Come on,” he said gently. “Let’s go home.” 

Next Chapter

A/N: Bambi is just out here, hugging Joel, sleeping next to Joel, causally touching Joel.

Guys, I think she might... like Joel? 👀👀👀

Crazy, I know!

I do still have a taglist and fully intend on setting up a notifications blog this weekend. If you'd like to be added to the taglist, please comment below!

Thank you so much for being here! I know this story is the slowest of slow burns and I PROMISE it will get smutty eventually. And it's coming up! But I don't want to rush it and I so appreciate you being along for the ride. Telling this story wouldn't be the same without you and I love you all so, so much ❤️❤️

Taglist: @ashleymsnodgrass@planet-marz1@kalea-bane @juneswonderlust@ilovepedro @h-annahayy @starstruckmusiciansartghost@beccerjune@mumma-moonchild@netonetoneto@mellymbee@purplelye@n7cje@flugazi@evyiione@randomhoex@aliengirl99@orcasoul@reds-ramblings@pedropascalsbbg @fupoola @tinypotatothing @knopes-waffles @lilmizmoz @ayamenimthiriel@jenispunk@panda-pascal@sarap-77@flugazi@your-slutty-gf@daniegraceg@partyofone3413@cumberpegg@noisynightmarepoetry.@fifia-writes@grumpygrumperton

[deadpool15]

Million Dollar Baby- Pt1

Aerin Creer shall be the OC for this fic. It will be in parts.

The outfit that she is wearing will always be in the pic above. the character is 23 years old, while Byeon is about 25.

All repressive characters will be the same as before.

So, you guys won her powers, which will be telekinesis

There will be russian in the story and maybe even korean, but I will limit it to little things.

I'm using a translator, so I'm sorry if it's incorrect

Age 9

"You all need to realize there are privileges in this world, and eating is one of them. So, hit harder, or you will starve." A man yells over all the chaos of the fighting children. I never learned their names except Alexi. My torment and pain were caused by him. Though, my entire existence was purely for kicks. Apparently, my overly obsessed mother believed she could create the perfect child for her husband or, more so, my father. He was a powerful man in a country where the only law to exist was his own. Some say he was the devil himself, but all my mother saw was the love of her life. Drugging herself with experiments and foreign concoctions to make the perfect soldier. She died during childbirth, or that's what I like to think. My mother died that night, and some women took care of me for 4 years. Eventually, she had a deal with some goons, taking money she couldn't afford. And in turn, they took her child.

A living nightmare, one way to describe my current situation. We are trained day in and out to be the obedient warriors that will be the next generation for Pavel. It's where I met Ryu Shi-oh or he met me. "Get up and fight. Or your a worthless fucking nobody and we aren't investing time in that bullshit." Alexi screamed at me, after being hit so many times I couldn't get back up. Everything hurt. They had gathered us all around to fight as a presentation to the leaders. Alexi told me if I embarrassed him, he would beat rhe shit out of me. What else was new, though? "Get up right fucking now!" I stared at the ground before something clicked inside of me. It's like I didn't give a single fuck about the outcome. "Shut the fuck up." I stared up at him as if looks could kill hoping he would explode right there before my eyes. All the children turned around, shocked, while stopping. Alexi laughs out loud before shoving me. "Get your fucking hands off me you little dick asshole!" I yelled at him. For the first time in my life I yelled. I was fighting back. Usually, I'm pretty sure he would love this, but since he had thr higher ups here, he was beyond pissed.

I could see Shi-oh in the corner of the room, motioning for me to stop. But this time, I wasn't backing down. Before I could think he punched me. Rocking my body all the way down to the floor. "The fuck did you say, say it again bitch. Go on, I dare you. I'll fucking chop you into pieces and feed you to rhe dogs!" The old me would've sat there in tears, fearing for my life. The silent room was shaken by my loud, obnoxious laugh. If there was one thing I had learned in my lifetime, men wouldn't like to be challenged. He stormed over to me and punched me yet again. Then, I started to kick me in the stop over and over again. Though, I kept laughing, refusing to give him the satisfaction. My ribs were sore, some probably broken before I grew tired of it. I started to cry while laughing, I'm pretty sure I looked like a manic to everyone in the room.

I started yelling stop, I just wanted in to be over. I was done with the pain and suffering. But he kept going, like always no one ever listened to me. Before he reaches to kick me again, a force pushes him back, clasing into the wall. A crack had been heard, and anyone could tell his skull had been split open. Though, he wasn't dead yet, no, not quite. I continue to laugh as everyone backs away from me, I see the higher ups standing from their chairs in amazement and slight fear. I push myself up off the grown and see Alexi. He looked like shit, maybe even worse than me. I turn to look at my broken finger and move to crack it back in place before it does it on its own. I hear whimpering, I turn to the crushed in wall. "Are you fucking crying, you have to be fucking with me right now." I laugh out loud holding my bruised ribs while staring at him. "H-help me." It looked like its body had been piered into the wall, I saw some of his insides. I went to turn until I realized he wasn't going to shut up. The constant whining from the man who loves man. How ironic.

I had no idea what was going on, yet for some reason, my body felt like it was on fire. Everything was so loud. My skin felt itchy, and my head was pounding. My senses felt hyper, and I was overwhelmed by everything around me. What the fuck was happening? "Be quiet....Be quiet." I just wanted it to stop. His cries felt like they were drilling into my skull. Yet he wouldn't stop. I didn't even realize I had thrown my hands up in rhe sir to cover my ears before I screamed out, "MAKE IT STOP!" The lights shattered to the floors, and some of the children dropped dead, with their eyes, nose, and ears leaking blood. Brain particles were scattered across the floor. Alexi was dropped from the wall, yet his head was still inside of the wall. Decapitated completely from his body with pieces of his spinal cord attached to it. I was so exhausted. I only remember myself falling to the ground while seeing Shi-oh running in my direction, screaming.

The Pavel leaders stood up immediately at the sight of everything around them. Some were in complete distress while seeing the future soldiers laying across the floor dead. Yet, the man in charge was only thinking one thing. Magnificent. He couldn't believe his eyes. That child had killed approximately 10 people in a room with so much as moving a muscle or a weapon near. He was used to good fighters, but this was a whole new level. She was the future, and seeing Shi-oh walk right up to her and help was just simply the best. The young boy whole showed promise faithfully in love with the girl who had mysterious abilities all in his hands. Seems everything would work out. "My precious дети." Oo, did he have plans for them. They would take everything, their futures were so bright. He would make sure they stayed on the path.

Present time

I stepped out of my car, grabbing my cat. All gifts from a certain someone whom I was visiting. Noticing a black jeep trying to be secretive, yet I paid no mind to it. Making my way inside of the building. Needing no introduction considering everyone knows who I am. Or just my status, one would say. "He is right in his office ma'am though he is busy with a worker." His secretary tells me while looking around nervously. "Never too busy for me, though, right?" He just nods and leads me to the door. We make it there with him trying to knock before I feel like this is all taking too long and pushing the door open. I hear him telling me to wait a moment, but it falls to deaf ears. I walked in, noticing now while he wanted me to wait. A girl around my height is sitting down, talking to Shi-oh. They haven't noticed me yet, so I sat there and waited in silence until she passed him her phone and he put his number in. Eventually, she leaves while she notices my presence and smiles at me while saying hi. I give her a fake smile and walk father in the room.

"The fuck was that, huh?" He turns around finally seeing me. Walking over and hugging while lifting me off the ground. Still holding me the air, which is easy due to our size difference. "My beautiful лепесток. What are you doing here?" I stared at him. He always had a habit of making it difficult to angry at him. "I was coming to see you." I motion for him to lower me down, and I sit my cat on the floor. Watching it walk around the office, I get startled again when he picks me up and sits down in his chair at his desk with me on his lap. "Before you get ready to hurt me, I was simply recruiting her to a higher position." I poke my finger deeply into his chest. "Why you wanna fuck her?" He slowly looks up, as if he is thinking about the question. While he is doing that, the objects start to lift around the room, and he takes notice. "No,I don't want to fuck her or anything like that. But she is strong, very strong. I've seen it first hand лепесток. She will be uselful." I simply smile at him before I peck his lips.

Moving closer on his lap, I start to slowly kiss his lips again. Getting lost in the plump lips I love so much. Before he reaches my face to take my shades off. He lowers his hands and grips my hips. "You are so fucking beautiful, baby. Why the fuck would I want her when I have all this." I start to grind on his lap, while the desk moves backward. Needing more room. "And don't you forget it. Gonna change the world, baby."

I'll post every Saturday for this story.

Taglist: @seonghwaexile

[samkerrworshipper]

tourniquet

leah williamson x reader

warnings: smut, self harm, hurt n comfort with fluff n protective leah. 18+ minors dni.

There was country music thrumming across the living room, drowning out the background noise that came from the bustling London street outside the door of Leah’s house. You were both lying down on her couch, lazily making out, Leah was on top of you, her lips moving rhythmically against your own. It was sweet, the taste of Leah’s spearmint gum and glass of wine welcome on your tongue as you granted her access to your mouth. All you could hear was the sound of Chris Stapleton and laboured breathing as you both took a break to breathe every once and a while. The telly was playing behind Leah, a premier league game or something that neither of you had been paying much attention to once you’d gotten your hands on each other.

Leah’s hands were gently rested on your hips, her nails grazing up and down the delicate skin, her soft and luscious lips caressing yours like you were a piece of fine china, delicate to the touch. It put you on cloud 9, just allowing yourself to be completely enveloped by the pure love and adoration that was flowing from Leah’s body to your own. You felt immaculate, like you were made of a million dollars, Leah had a habit of making you feel that way. You’d never gotten past this stage, never beyond heated kisses and little feather light touches. Leah was cautious of how young you were, and as long as you were happy so was she. But right now, all you wanted was more, you felt desperately greedy as you allowed your hips to grind up into hers. Leah didn’t even notice the first time, until you bucked them up into her and her eyes bursted open, looking at you with a mixture of shock and complete adoration.

“We don’t have to do anything.”

Leah was an absolute golden retriever, never wanting to push you more than you could handle, but that also didn’t mean that she didn’t have desires of her own, desires to make you feel better than you ever had before.

Leah lowered her lips to your neck, sucking a light mark into your unembellished skin, leaving her mark on you. You moaned open lippedly, your hips arching upwards into her own, your back attending back into the pillows.

“Lee, please.”

Leah smirked against your neck, her innocent girl begging was something that she’d never get over. She lowered her head down your neck, to the top of the tank top you were wearing, kissing along the lines of it. She moved her mouth down, to the part of your stomach that was on show, the milky abdomen that she loved so dearly. She flattened her tongue out against your stomach, making you feel better than you ever had before with her tongue sensually sliding against your soft skin. Leah’s hands moved to hook into the waistband of your shorts and suddenly your had shot out to stop her.

Leah jerked away from you, a guilty look on her face as she looked down at you with regretful eyes.

“Fuck I’m so sorry, I read the situation wrong, we don’t have to do anything, I didn’t mean to push y-.”

You stopped Leah’s worrying before she could say anything else to you.

“Leah it was perfect, I wanted it. I just thought I should warn you, there’s a lot of scars on my thighs and hips, and I wouldn’t want you to feel uncomfortable about them.”

Your voice is anxious, full of uncertainty about what questions Leah might ask or what presumptions might come to her head. You knew this moment was inevitable. that as perfect has your relationship had been in the last few weeks, you were going to need to face your fears and eventually venture to this part of your relationship.

Leah moves back up your body, pressing a gentle peck to your lips and smiling against them.

“You're beautiful to me no matter what, if you feel comfortable I’d love for us to keep going. Have you done this before?”

Your lip jutted out between your teeth, your evident embarrassment about your virginity coming to light.

“Not exactly, but I’ve experimented and I feel safe with you, I don’t want us to stop.”

Leah nods her head against your lips, smiling and sliding her body back down yours, to the space she had previously occupied between your legs.

“I’ve got you sweetheart, we’ll just take it nice and slow.”

Leah’s hands rehooked into your waistband, this time with zero push back from you. When you nodded your head at her she smiled, pulling your shorts down tantalisingly slow. You bit the inside of your cheek, watching Leah’s face expressions closely as she tugged your shorts down to your knees. Suddenly you felt so vulnerable, so scared. Leah’s face didn’t falter, as she continued to tug your shorts down to your ankles and then down onto the end of the couch. She kept her eyes trained on the lines between your thighs, a completely neutral facial expression as she surveyed the tattered skin. It wasn’t something you were proud of, the raised skin all over the insides and outside of your thighs and hips. It wasn’t a pretty sight, there was a reason why you never wore bikinis in front of anybody. Leah did something you never would have expected, she leant down to the space between your thighs and gently placed a series of kisses to every single line. There were hundreds, she could spend hours between you thighs kissing them and it wouldn’t have mattered to her, all that mattered to her was making sure that you knew just how loved you were in her care.

“So beautiful, so perfect, so brave.”

Leah’s words were murmured warmly against your skin, there was nothing sexual about her actions, just complete honesty and pride at what you’d gone through to get to where you were. She took her time with the old, new, raised, red, white, faded. Every single one was equally important to her, every single one of the proof of just how brave you were, just how hard you’d fought.

“Lee, please.”

Your words were desperate, the image of Leah between your thighs mentally imprinting on your brain, like a tattoo to your skin. She was doing everything but dealing with the wet patch between your thighs though, the place where you desperately needed her the very most. Leah smiled up at you, the corners of her lips stretched tightly with a smile on her face.

“Is someone getting inpatient?”

Leah’s head came to rest on the inside of your thigh, as she looked up at you with hooded eyes that held pure desire in them.

“I need you.”

The pure want in your voice sent shivers down Leah’s back, shocking her straight to her core.

“I suppose.”

Leah’s hands came up to the elastic of your black thong, a simple enough piece, nothing particular about it, yet Leah felt like she could worship that item of clothing for months if you let her. She tugged it down though, down to your knees before deserting it and looking down to appreciate your glistening sex.

“So wet, I haven’t even touched you where it matters yet?”

You mewled at Leah, desperate for her to just give your dripping hole some much needed attention.

“Leah.”

She smirked at your needy tone, almost a whine.

“Fingers or mouth?”

It was such a simple question, and yet you struggled to answer out of the sheer amount of pleasure that the ultimatum brought you.

“Both.”

As soon as the words left your mouth Leah’s mouth was diving into your folds, licking a stripe from your clit all the way down to your hole. It was inexplicably perfect, and you let her know as much by the moans that feel sinfully from your lips. She licks again and again, and again, and again and again, until her lips finally suction to your clit and you almost fall from the couch from the electric shocks that are sent all over your body. Leah sucks gently, treating your clit like the treasure it is, savouring every single second that her mouth gets to taste you and learn what you like best.

“You taste so good, baby.”

Suddenly your hand is on top of your mouth, muffling the scream that Leah’s words force your body to produce from the pure desire coursing across your body. One of Leah’s arms comes to rest on top of your hips, to stop their unsynchronised bucking so she has a stabler grip on your pussy. Her voice sends vibrations across your sex, Leah suckles at your clit one last time before moving her head down to your hole, giving you her nose as a means to grind on. Your wound so tight from the simple actions that Leah knows you won’t last much longer, not that she minds, as long as your feeling pleasure thats what matters the most to her.

She thrusts her tongue into your sex and suddenly your thighs, the muscular thighs that not long ago Leah had been littering with adoration are wrapping around her head, somewhat cutting of Leah’s air supply. Leah doesn’t hesitate, only diving in further, helping you to chase your impending high. Leah’s hands come to rest on your thighs, pushing them open carefully so she can breathe and then diving back into your hole, thrusting her tongue in and out of it and resonating in the moans that fall from her mouth as she does. Leah’s taste buds are being completely bombarded with your scent and taste, it’s the best thing she’s ever experienced.

When she realises that you need a little bit more she brings one of her hands down from your hips and to your wetness. Your body jerks at the sensation of her rough pads making contact with your clit. Leah doesn’t spend long on it, replacing her fingers with her mouth and moving her fingers down to your clenching hole. It comes as no surprise to her when one of her digits slides in with zero resistance, your needy pussy sucking up whatever Leah gives it.

Leah begins a relentless pace, pumping her single digit in and out with rigour, It’s great, but you want and can take more.

“Leah, fuck, more.”

Leah only hums against your sensitive drippiness and on the next pump she adds another finger, slowing her strokes slightly to allow you to adjust to the intrusion. You’re so tight on her fingers, clenching down on her so hard that she has to put a little bit more effort into pushing her fingers in and out of your entrance.

When she begins to curl her fingers you're a goner, moaning wildly above her.

“Fuck Leah, fuck, fuck.”

The coil in your stomach is wound as tight as it can go, the need in your stomach at its capacity.

“Cum for me sweetheart, I’ve got you, cum all over my fingers.”

Leah’s words are enough of a booster for you, and in an almost embarrassing lot of moans and jerks your body is falling directly over the edge, your thighs shaking on either side of Leah’s head. You try to press your legs together, to protect your spasming cunt while it clenches and makes a mess all over Leah’s face, but she holds your legs open with her spare hand, desperate to see exactly what she’s done to you, the way she’s ruined your perfect little pussy. She guides you through your orgasm, gently cleaning you up with her mouth and easing her fingers out of your cunt when the aftershocks have dulled down. She cleans her fingers with her mouth, savouring the taste of you on her tongue. Once she was done cleaning up she snaked her way up your body, resting her head on your chest and admiring the thoroughly fucked-out facial expression that adorned your face.

“Your a devil.”

Leah only smiled at you, pressing a series of kisses all over your face, covering your skin with her lips.

“It was good?”

You nodded almost immediately, still shocked at how good Leah had been able to make you feel with just her fingers and mouth.

“It was perfect.”

The smile that graces Leah’s face is perfect, it’s full of happiness and pure bliss.

“Are you doing alright?”

Leah can’t help herself but ask, because the part of her that’s constantly worrying about her teammates is now worrying about you, worried if she’s been missing the signs that you're not doing okay.

“Leah I’m doing better than ever, you make me so happy, moving to Arsenal has been the best decision I’ve ever made.”

Leah nods dutifully, observing the information that warms her soul, knowing that you're happy and that her home is making you happy is music to her ears.

“Can I ask you why you do it, or did it?”

Leah’s voice is shaky, uncertain, she doesn’t want to push you, but she also wants to know this part of you, all she wants is to care about you and prove to you that she loves you like you deserve.

“How about we move up to bed and get into pjs and then I’ll explain it all to you, or as much as you want to hear?”

Leah nods quickly, pushing herself off the couch and picking you up easily, walking towards her bedroom. She helps you into the bathroom, the both of you doing your business and going about your night time routines. Whilst you’ve only been dating Leah for two months now, since you started at Arsenal, you’ve very quickly intertwined your life with hers, your toothbrush had a permanent space in Leah’s bathroom, your clothes in her wardrobe, your favourite snacks in her pantry. You stayed over at Leah’s house more often than not, claiming it was convenient because she was closer to the training ground. Leah loved your company so she was hardly one to object.

Once you’d both finished brushing your teeth and going about your nighttime skin care she dragged you into her wardrobe, throwing one of her hoodies and a pair of her boxers at you. You threw them on nonchalantly, watching curiously as Leah found her favourite oversized shirt, an old Arsenal one and a pair of sleep shorts. Once she was done you both walked into her room, her arm wrapped around your waist as she led you under the covers.

She leant her own body against the bed head, bringing your head to rest against her chest whilst she carded her fingers gently through your scalp. It was everything you’d grown to love about Leah, sure, Leah was terrifying on the pitch, terrifying as a captain, but in private she was one of the sweetest people you’d ever met.

“I started when I was 14.”

You let your words hang in the empty space, focusing on the feeling of Leah’s fingers working their way through your scalp, it was almost as good as the massages you got at the hairdressers when they were washing your hair.

“You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to.”

Leah wants to know, she wants to know every single little detail about you, but she also doesn’t want to push you, good things come to people who wait, and as far as she’s concerned her biggest worry is you and making sure that you feel comfortable with her.

“No, I want to, I just haven’t really talked about it like this with anyone.”

Leah nods her head and continues her movements across your scalp, smiling to herself as you relax into her touch.

“It was my coping mechanism growing up, in a house with so many kids and parents who are stretched so thin isn’t easy, and I was going through a really tough time. So I turned to self harm, a few of my friends had been joking about it so I tried it. I never really did it with the attention of seriously harming myself or killing myself, it was just my stress reliever. It’s not a healthy coping mechanism, I know that, I’ve tried my hardest to quit it over the past years, I really have tried. I hae a therapist, you know that though, and we’ve been working on it for a few years, I’m 4 months clean currently, I’m trying my best.”

Leah just nods at your words, forever supportive of you.

“I’m not here to tell you what's wrong and right, obviously I would love for you not to hurt yourself, but I also understand that everyone has coping mechanisms that work for them, I bite my nails when I’m nervous, and obviously there not the same things but I have my ways of coping as well. All that matters to me is that you are happy and doing okay, you’re putting in the work through therapy, you're trying your hardest and that’s all that matters. I’m here to be your person, to be the person in your corner, not here to tell you that you’ve fucked up your life. You are so incredibly strong and brave y/n, that’s what I see in you, a girl who has struggled but she found a way to survive, a way to get herself through the day. Sure, cutting yourself isn’t the best alternative, but you learnt how to survive and I commend you for that, I commend you for finding a way to deal with all the pain that you were going through. I love you so much sweetheart, all I want is to support you and be here for whatever you need.”

You can feel tears welling up in your eyes, you bring the corner of Leah’s hoodie to your eyes, wiping away the wetness from your face.

“I love you too Lee.”

She smiled down at you, your face shining under the moonlight that was flowing in through the open curtains.

“I know sweetheart, now get some sleep, we can talk as much or as little about this in the morning.”

The topic doesn’t come up for a few more weeks, both you and Leah enjoying the absolute bliss that your relationship is providing. You're riding on cloud nine at Arsenal, scoring goals in most matches and earning your spot on the squad. You feel so happy, so secure, more than you ever had at any stage in your life, it all comes crashing down after a game though.

You didn’t even notice what was happening when it was being pointed out. You were post game, getting changed in the locker rooms after a tough loss to Chelsea 3-2. You weren’t really thinking straight, if you had been you would have waited until you were in the shower cubicle to get changed, but all you wanted to do was throw on some sweats and find Leah so she could take you home. You tugged off your shorts and compression shorts without much care, slinging them into the back of your locker whilst you searched through your bag for the sweatpants that you were sure you’d packed.

“Chook, what are those?”

It’s Katie’s deep Irish accent that catches your attention, your eyes moving to meet hers, which are fixated on the outside of your thighs. Katie’s voice attracts the attention of some of your neighbouring teammates and suddenly you're frozen to your spot, staring at the same marks Katie is looking at.

“Y/n/n, goo game darling.”

It’s Leah’s arms wrapping around your shoulders that draws your attention, her eyes quickly fall to where both you and Katie are looking.

“Mccabe, do we have a problem?”

Leah’s voice is so defensive, she had known this day was going to roll around at some stage, she’s just glad that she was here for you when it happened.

“Er, I was just asking y/n about what was on her thigh.”

You body goes rigid in Leah’s arms, Leah’s defensive mode doesn’t falter though.

“Hardly any of your business, I’d think.”

Katie gulps, but her confidence doesn’t waiver, and she’s now attracted the attention of Caitlin, your national teammate who is peeping over her girlfriends shoulder to get a view at what the focus of the three of you is. Caitlin’s eyebrow raises in questioning, but she doesn’t vocalise.

“Was just curious.”

Leah glares at Katie, and you can tell by the facial expression she’s going to bring this up at a later date with her, but not right now, not when you're present.

“Take your curiosity somewhere else.”

Leah’s hands reach for your sweatpants, and you're forever grateful as she hands them to you and you quickly slip them on. Leah helps you with your hoodie and packing up your bag, before leading you out of the rooms with one of her hands on the small of your back, guiding you out to her car. You don’t say anything much on the way there, but as soon as your in the safety on Leah’s car you just turn to her.

“Thank you, you don’t know how much I appreciated that.”

Your voice is quiet, shy, something that Leah wishes you’d never feel in front of her, but she understands that your teammates curiosity has gotten the best of you, and whilst she loves Katie like a sister, she’s just a little bit pissed off at her bluntness.

“Not a problem my love, I’ve got you remember, I’m here for you.”

Leah notices a change in you after that interaction, you shut down a little bit, especially in front of your teammates. She doesn’t push you, she understands that you're going through an adjustment period, plus you seem pretty happy when it’s just the two of you hanging out. That’s why she didn’t hesitate to go out tonight, it was a pre planned dinner with Alex and a few of their other mutual friends, you insisting that she go out and enjoy herself.

It’s a fairly relaxing night, Leah eats salmon and veggies, her go to when she’s out for dinner, drinks a glass of wine and catches up with her best friend, it’s nice, but she wants to come home to you, that’s why she stays sober, she doesn’t go out clubbing when Alex asks, because she has something to go home to now, somebody she can hold in her arms and feel so incredibly fulfilled. Alex jokes about Leah being completely infatuated with you, puppy love, and Leah can’t find any reason to deny it, because it’s true, she’s fallen head over heels in love with you. She leaves dinner at a more than reasonable time, just past nine.

She drives home with an almost giddy smile on her face and when she pulls into her driveway she can’t help but feel completely inebriated with the sheer amount of excitement coursing through her body at getting to see you, and love you and just be with you. She knocks her door open as she rushes through the entryway, her eyes searching for you. She doesn’t see you in the kitchen or lounge room, so after sliding her coat and shoes off she moves into her bedroom. When she doesn’t find you in bed she’s a little bit shocked, but then she hears the sound of the shower steadily beating down against the tiles of her bathroom and everything makes sense. She moves to the door, sliding it open, hoping to be rewarded with the sight of your beautiful naked form, and secretly hoping that maybe she’ll be able to join you. What she hadn’t expected was to find you sitting on her bathroom floor, a razor blade in one hand and red lines bleeding all over your thighs.

Your eyes snap up at Leah, unaware that she’d even entered the threshold of her house, let alone the bathroom that you were currently sitting on the floor in. Your eyes almost pop out of your skull, as do Leah’s as she realises exactly what’s going on. You shriek, involuntarily, absolutely terrified of the predicament that you’ve been found in. Leah freezes, her body unmoving as she stairs down at you, completely unsure what to do.

“Leah it’s not what it looks like.”

It’s exactly what it looks like, your sitting on her bathroom floor, with a razor pressed to your thigh, blood dripping steadily down you skin. It’s a sight that Leah never wanted nor expected to see, you’d been doing so well, she’d even sat in on one of your therapy appointments and talked with your psychologist about just how much of a change they’d seen in you since you’d made the move.

“Fuck-sorry, I didn’t mean to walk in on you- Fuck. Fuck, I’m going to go get some towels, and bandaids, and disinfectant.”

Leah’s words come out in shambles and you manage to soothe her with your own voice.

“Leah, beside me, I’ve got it all.”

Leah’s shocked at your preparedness, her eyes darting to the pile of supplies beside you, telling her that this was clearly premeditated.

“Okay-Fuck-I’m so sorry, do you need me to help? I should help, shouldn't I? Fuck, what do you need me to do?”

You nod at Leah, the both of you are clearly so unsure about this whole interaction. Leah’s brain seems to be short circuiting, and it doesn’t help with your uncertainty.

“Leah, just leave, I can sort this out myself.”

Your voice is short, dismissive, you don’t want to push Leah out but you're also so unsure right now and Leah’s own insecurity isn’t helping you. Leah’s captain instincts seem to kick in though, and before you can object she’s shaking her head and walking towards the shower, turning it off because it’s clearly not being used and then moving to sit down next to you.

“How about you let me clean you up, hmm? We’ll talk about it later, just let me look after you, you don’t have to do this all by yourself, I’m here for you.”

You look into Leah’s eyes, and whilst there’s still uncertainty hiding in them somewhere, she looks so much surer, so much more caring and you just nod your head helplessly, like a goldfish.

Leah reaches for your pile of supplies, first reaching for a damp towel and pressing it down onto the inside of your thighs, essentially using it as a form of absorption and tourniquet for your bleeding. She holds it like that for a few minutes, just waiting for your blood to clot. Once it does she throws the towel into her hamper and reaches for the disinfectant.

“This one will burn, just be brave for me yeah, my brave, strong, beautiful girl.”

Leah’s words of comfort do wonders for you, your body relaxing as Leah moves between your thighs. She smears a dollop of the disinfectant on her finger before gently bringing the pad of her index into contact with your scars.

You groan out in pain, the disinfectant searing as it ingrains itself in the lines that you’d inflicted on yourself. Leah tries her best to be quick about it, but she also does a thorough job, ensuring that none of the lines are going to get infected. Once she’s done with the disinfectant she moves for some bandages and takes her time addressing each individual scar. Once she’s done she pressed a kiss to every mark that she’d dressed, pressing her lips gently to the bandages. It makes you think of when your mother used to kiss every single football injury you’d procure, telling you it would feel better, and it never really did make it any better, but it made you feel safer, happier, like everything would keep moving even with the pain you were feeling in the moment. This time with Leah was no different, the action making you feel all cosy and warm on the inside, something that a few minutes ago you’d felt like was completely unachievable.

“I’m going to go get some shorts and water for you, is there anything else you need?”

You shake your head shyly, and take notice of the way that Leah palms the blade that you’d previously been using and watched as her eyes search around the bathroom to see if there are any more.

“That’s the only one.”

Leah nods and smiles at you, pressing a kiss to the point of you nose before leaving the bathroom.

She isn’t gone long, returning in a record amount of time with the water and shorts she’d gone out to get and a protein bar. She opens the bottle and packet of the bar for you, handing them to you whilst she sits herself back down in front of you and helps you into she shorts, being eternally careful of the bandages that she’d just put on your legs.

Once you’d drunk the water and eaten the bar she gives you a lopsided smile, on that tells you that you have a lot to talk about.

“How about we get into bed chook, tonights been a lot.”

You nod at Leah, she helps you off the floor and leads you into the bed, tucking you under the covers before lying down beside you.

Leah wraps one around your waist, her hand coming to hover on top of the scars that not long ago you’d inflicted on your own skin.

“I’m sorry.”

Your words are a whisper, meant for only you and Leah, not that there’s anybody in earshot to hear you.

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for chook.”

Leah’s words come out as a sigh, she’s disappointed in you for a series of reasons, but not because of your actions.

“Why do you look disappointed then?”

Your hands fiddling with the corner of your pillow, your eyes trained on Leah as she ums and ahs over how to answer that question in the best way. She lets out a deep breath before speaking.

“I’m disappointed in myself for not seeing that you were struggling this much. Never at you though, I told you that I understand why you do this, and I meant it. I’m a little bit disappointed that you didn’t try to talk to me, but I understand that it’s not always that easy, I’m worried about you more than anything, chook and I was just a little bit shocked when I walked in on you. That’s not to say that I’m in any way shape or form angry with you, I could never be angry at you, I’m just doing a lot of thinking.”

You nod at Leah, trying to compartmentalise every single word that leaves her mouth.

“I didn’t want to bother you, especially when you were so excited to see Alex.”

Leah bites down on the inside of her cheek, she feels a little bit guilty about the fact that Alex had taken priority over you, tonight of all nights.

“Baby, I don’t care if I’m in the World Cup final, I want you to talk to me when your struggling. I love Alex, yes. But there’s a reason I came home so early to you tonight, because I wanted to spend my night cuddled up in bed with you, because that’s how I love to spend my free time, with you. I would pick you over anyone else in the world. You can always call me, I’m always here for you, I’m always going to be your crutch or tourniquet.”

Leah’s words bring tears to your eyes that you didn’t know where there, and it pulls a guttural sob from your lungs.

“I’m sorry, I was just so stressed, and feeling so alone and it was all I could think about, so I walked down to the drugstore and bought a blade, I wasn’t even sure if I was going to use it, but then it was in my palm and it felt so good and I missed it so much, but then you were home and I realised that I don’t have to do this anymore, because you make me so happy, you make life worth living and you make my world turn.”

Leah brings her hand up to rest on your cheek, her fingers brushing away the stray hairs that are falling down in front of your eyes.

“I love you too chook, you make me happier than anybody else in the world. I’m by your side for it all, this world will never be enough for you but I’ll try to okay, from now on it’s you and me against the world, and if you feel like this I want you to talk to me about it. I’m not going to try and stop you, but at least I’ll be by your side, I’ll bandage up your body and your bones and every single one of your bad days as well, okay? Just promise me that your going to try and talk to me about it, that’s all I care about, that you feel safe enough with me that you can talk to me.”

You nod at Leah, the fat, warm, wet tears dripping down your face. Leah’s thumb wipes them away, clearing your vision and allowing you to see the welcoming smile that has graced Leah’s lips.

“I promise, you make me feel safer than anybody else and I’m going to do my very best for you, because I love you and I want to be happy with and for you.”

Leah nods her head, it’s all she can ask for, that you are happy and healthy and doing well.

“I’ve got you sweetheart, if you're not doing it for yourself then do it for me, show me just how strong and brave you can be, whatever you need, I’m here.”

You nodded your head, letting Leah’s words sink in like a tattoo on your skin.

“I need hugs from you, right now, you need to hug me.”

Leah just chuckles, but she obliges your request, wrapping her arms around you tightly, tight enough for you to know that she’s never letting you go if she can help it.