#ALL of it felt open to interpretation but like. in an insane way

[soupdreamer]

hey brennan what the fuck

[liveontelevision]

Suffer Pt. 3

Suffer Part 3 is here! I'm planning on having at least two more parts, I was not expecting this to become a whole thing but :') I gotta see it through now lol

When I say I love slowburn fics, I mean it dammit.

Disclaimer: This is my personal interpretation of the characters from Hazbin Hotel. I respect the canon storyline and characters, but this fic will stray from it a decent amount.

(This series is complete! All parts are listed on my master list and are linked below!)

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6

♡ ♡ ♡

Holding a small, sleeping Charlie close to your chest, you swayed her back and forth. Your eyes fluttered shut, as you danced around the familiar nursery, humming the same tune you've used to calm her down for years. She was asleep. Safe and oblivious to any of the chaos around her. You envied her. With one final spin, you let your eyes open. Your arms were empty. She was gone. The comfortable weight of her tiny figure instantly went away. You panicked, the room you were in was shifted into something unfamiliar and uneasy. A source of light finally drew your eyes. A distant doorframe provides light, casting the silhouette of a tall, curvy woman. Her eyes were glowing.

“L-Lillith?” There were sounds of a baby crying out and the intimidating figure became far away, ceasing any light and drowning you in a darkness that you've felt before. Long ago.

A heavy knocking at your door forced you awake. As you sat up you went to wipe the sleep from your eyes, only now noticing the tears streaming from your face. Just a dream… The knock was louder and quicker this time, forcing a response out of you. “Gimme a minute! Fuck -” You roll out of your bed, going to turn off the radio on your nightstand. Having the radio on throughout the night was something Alastor suggested, obviously, after you confided in him about having a series of nightmares. His show is broadcast while you sleep, and when it isn’t, the radio static actually acts as a soothing white noise. It wasn’t a perfect solution, but it kept you from going insane in the least.

You finally approached the door, your body still wrapped in your large blanket that trailed across the floor. A cheerful, as always, Charlie stood at the door. She was quick to say good morning, but went straight to the point without letting you respond. She clearly practiced this.

“So! I know my dad's visit a few weeks ago was a liiittle… Tense? But - uh, I was wondering if you two talked yet..? By chance?” She spoke like she would be scolded for saying the wrong thing. You shook your head, still slowly blinking awake. 

“Well - okay! I was just asking because he.. keeps.. asking about you…” she held her phone out to you, letting you scroll through some of the messages he’s been sending her. You chuckle at first, he can't text for shit. But she was right. Ever since you blew him off that day, he's been asking Charlie how you've been and what you've been up to.

“I mean, I love my dad and it's awesome he's finally talking to me again, but - I don't know, if it's not too much to ask, could you maybe just.. talk to him?” Charlie rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly, and her words broke your heart a little. It's cruel of him to try and reach out to you that way, put Charlie through that distress, but maybe you could've handled your last encounter with more care.

How could you say no to her?

“Yeah, i’ll talk to him, Charlie. Don't worry.” A yawn interrupted your sentence, but you still sent her a reassuring smile as she finally relaxed her shoulders.

“That’s great! I’ll just give him your number!” She planned outloud, turning away to head down the hall.

“Charlie- “ You called out, “He loves you, you know that, right? Don’t forget that.” Charlie’s smile drooped for a second, then quickly picked back up. She nodded as she left your view.

With a yawn, your body still not registering that you were awake or what you had agreed to, you went to shut your door. It didn't click like it usually does, so you turned to see the blockage - Alastor. He'd stuck his foot in the door to prevent it from closing entirely.

“Good morning, my dear!” his voice was booming, as he threw his arms out in a dramatic flare, your door swinging open.

Nope, you were too tired for this.

“Fuck, Al, can't this wait ‘til I'm at least dressed?” You tossed your blanket aside, rummaging through your drawers to cover the little silky tank top and pajama shorts you had borrowed from Angel during your first nights at the hotel. Maybe it was your sleep depravity, or just the fact that Alastor has made it a habit to be extra kind to you since you arrived, but you didn't mind him seeing you in sleepwear. He had no ill intent, as far as you knew.

“Unfortunately, it cannot! I heard you're going on a little outing with the king! How exciting~” He hummed, sitting at the edge of your bed as you cover yourself with your sweater. You plop down next to him, still wiping your eyes. He reached out, swiping his thumb across the apple of your cheek. Looking down at his hand, swiping your tears across his fingers, he met your suddenly embarrassed gaze.

“Another rough night, dear?” You weren't sure how he knew that's what that was from, but you nodded anyway.

“Just another nightmare, it's fine. They're always about Charlie and - the mistakes I made when I was taking care of her.. I guess it still kind of bugs me.” He let out a pitied hum, as he stood to turn your radio back on. He tuned it to some old timey jazz music before resting his hands behind his back. You didn't know it could play music..

“Well, it seems that meeting with that royal menace may not be the wisest choice. Wouldn't you agree?” You looked down before letting a sigh slip from your tired lips.

“It's fine, I can handle myself. Besides, he keeps bugging Charlie and I - I feel like I owe her..”

you shake your head, standing to your feet and beckoning Alastor out of your room.

“It's fine! It's just a quick visit, I won't be gone long.” He took your hand give it a quick kiss, a reassuring smile on his face.

“Well, if he does anything to hurt you, love -” love? “- I'll be right there to help.” He emphasized the end of his sentence with a quick tap on your nose before leaving your room. The music faded back into static as soon as he left.

You heard stories about their fight, plus you could hear their aggressive duet from your room that day, but you believed him either way. You had no doubt he could swoop in and save the day if you needed it. You wondered why people seemed so wary around him. He was a perfect gentleman to you, even with all the warnings you've gotten from Husk and Vaggie.

He had you wrapped around his finger.

You didn't think you would stress about what to wear. You hadn't even made plans yet, but all of sudden, you worried about what he would think of your clothes if he saw you. Charlie sent you his number, so it was on you to reach out. You ignored it for now. You’d ignore it forever if it would keep these feelings from resurfacing. Finally deciding on an outfit, just a black turtleneck that left your arms bare and a skirt that hugged your curves in a lovely way. Even if it probably wasn't the easiest skirt to bend over in, you decided it would do.

A lot of your clothes were hand me downs or were lent to you by either Angel, Vaggie or Charlie. None of it was truly your size, but you had no problem adding in some extra panels or cutting things to your liking. The sweater you grabbed previously was actually gifted to you by Alastor. You had no idea why he would give it to you, a simply red cardigan with a soft knit, but it quickly became your favorite accessory. Pulling up the collar, you buried your nose into the knitting, taking a soft breath in. It always smelled of whiskey and honey, no matter how often you washed it.

You went through your day like normal, followed along with some exercises Charlie was running and taking a quick trip to Cannibal Town with Alastor, something you did every now and then. It started off with him accompanying you to the bakery, where you would occasionally lend a hand, then he would split off to spend the afternoon with Rosie. As time went on, he would ask you to join him.. It was intimidating at first, but Rosie was nothing but a sweetheart, you had no problem fitting in with the two.

when you returned to the hotel, you finally mustered the courage to call Lucifer. With a quick pep-talk to yourself, you held your breath before bringing the phone to your ear. He picked up immediately.

“Hell- Erm.. uhh.. Shit, how do I -” Did he realize he answered the call?

“Helloo? Lucifer here - speaking! Who-who’s this..?” He knew who it was. You assumed this was just him trying to be casual. He wasn't very good at it.

“Lucifer - It’s me.. can we talk?” You were gripping the end of your sleeve nervously with your free hand.

“Yes! Yes, of course! When are you free? We can.. figure something out, right?” You could hear him tripping over himself, kicking things around, and something that sounded like a squeaky-toy being stepped on? His excitement made you giggle. Even with pulling your phone away to try and prevent your laughter coming through, he was losing his mind on the other end of the call. It felt like a nostalgic punch to the gut. He didn't realize how much he missed your laughter until now.

“I guess i’m free whenever.. Charlie doesn't like doing exercises on the weekend, so -” A breeze hit your face, blowing all your hair past your shoulders. Looking to the source, a golden edged portal had opened right in the middle of the hallway. A fidgeting Lucifer was standing with his hands behind his back, a nervous but excited looking grin across his face. You looked down to your phone, seeing the call was still going, then spotted his phone sitting on a table behind him. You let out the smallest huff, before hanging up and tucking your phone away.

“Missed me?” He said suavly, wiggling his eyebrows at you. God, you did. You couldn't admit that though. Your anger, guilt and nerves overshadowed any joy that he may have brought under different circumstances.

“Yeah, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” You rolled your eyes, beginning to step towards the portal. He reached his hand out to you, and he noticed you hesitating. “it’s uh- it’s a little bit of a drop if you step through the - um.. just.. wanted to -” you took his hand that he almost retracted, and carefully stepped over the border of the portal. You tried to keep your mind from noticing how your hand perfectly fit in his.

Static filled your core as you left the hotel, but before you could turn and see if Alastor was nearby, the portal had shut and the static ceased.

If he does anything to hurt you, I'll be right there.

Alastor's words rung through your head one last time. You finally met Lucifer eyes after literal decades.

“Um.. Tea?” Lucifer was fiddling with his ring again. Years ago, it was something you noticed he did whenever he was nervous. You nodded and watched as he conjured up everything needed to brew hot tea.

“What, you don't use any of the servants for that? Not even some angelic magic?” Small talk felt like it could make this moment less awkward. As he poured the already heated water into two teacups, he simply shook his head.

“Angelic power is great and all, but nothin’ beats fresh tea.” His smile was so sweet. You nervously balled up the sleeve of your sweater into your hand and brought it to your nose, breathing in the same sent that always seemed to calm you.

“And.. I- ahem.. I ended up finding other places for most of the staff after..” he said it quietly, unable to call attention to his missing spouse. Definitely a touchy subject for both of you. You finally looked around, realizing you recognized the tea room. It was small, but was walled in entirely with windows. It had a great view of the little garden that used to be brimming with difigured, yet beautiful, greenery. You took another look around the room, the nostalgia wearing off, taking in the dust and trash that was collected in the corners. The garden had died off as well. It wasn't completely unslightly, but the mess didn't make sense for a royal manor.

His words finally hit you.

“Found other places? What does that even mean?�� You could feel your blood boil, watching him place the tea bags in each cup. You calmed for a moment, seeing that his hands were shaking.

“I just found places for them to work, is all. Sent the stylists to that Velvette girl in Pentagram City, some of the cooks went down to the Glutton Ring, ya know. Stuff like that. I wanted them to be taken care of.” He passed the cup to you, then pulled out one of the two chairs at the small table sitting in the center of the room.

“I just wanted to take care of them..since, I-I couldn't do that for you..” His voice was low, and when you attempted to look at his face he would sip from his cup or turn away. Don't be worried about him. He doesn’t deserve that.  It was all so long ago, it doesn't matter. Remember why you're here. 

“Good for them. Now, I'm here because you're bugging Charlie. Stop asking about me idiot, she's gonna think something’s wrong.” You placed your half empty cup down. He choked on his drink at your words, not realizing that you had seen the poorly written texts that he was sending to Charlie.

“And nothing is wrong. Right?” Lucifer scratched the back of his neck nervously, then opened his mouth as if to say something. He didn't. He simply nodded at first. 

“Y-Yup, right.. Everything's fine. l'll stop asking about you.” You went to stand, brushing the wrinkles from your skirt off as you did. That's that. You came here to get Lucifer to stop bugging Charlie and that's what you did. There's no other reason for you to  -

“Wait, please..!” His hand took a hold of yours, as he almost stumbled out of his chair to keep you from walking off. “I just want to say - “

“ - no you don't have to. It was a long time ago. Everyone makes mistakes, right?” You tried your best to keep your cool, but clearly it wasn't working. He winced at your words, releasing his hold on you.

“I have no excuse. I can't make it all go away, I still feel - “ he clasped his hand to his chest, struggling to figure out what he's trying to say.

“I'm sorry. I don't need you to forgive me, but please know, that I am sorry.” The room went silent, with your back towards him, the only thing you could hear was the beating of your own heart. Lucifer didn't know what to do, until the silence was broken by a pathetic little sniffle.

Dammit, not again. Don't let him get to you. Keep your walls up.

He quickly approaches you, his hands hovering over your shoulder, as if you’d shatter if he touched you.

“Nono, please, I -uhh.. I'll leave Charlie alone! I'll stop talking to you, I'll leave you alone if -”

With a quick turn, finally faced him. Letting out a breath you'd been holding in for far too long, you rush towards him with the intent to meet him with a long overdue embrace. The sudden leap left him staggering backwards, tripping over nothing and bringing both of you to the floor. “Don't you dare! H-How could you.. why would think that's what I want..?” Your words were muffled into his shoulder, since he had placed a hand over your head to protect you from the fall. Not even acknowledging that you were suddenly sitting on the floor between his legs, he finally managed to process your words. It took him a moment to even try and reciprocate the hug. He hadn’t been touched like this for years, it nearly overwhelmed his senses.

“ I want to know what happened that night! I want to know how you feel, or I guess felt, about me.. I dont care if it hurts, please tell me the truth..” all of the questions you've been asking yourself for years suddenly spilled out.

You felt absolutely pathetic, relying on him to tell you everything okay. But fuck, you needed this. Even if you never talk to him again after this, you needed some kind of closure.

“Woah- that's uh.. that's alot to drop on guy.. Uhm…” It wasn't like he didn't want to admit what he was feeling. With the relationship he had with Lillith, he had just become accustomed to not talking about himself much. That being said, with one look Into your teary eyes, he was all yours. He carefully took your hands from around his waist and held them in his own. He gently traced his thumbs along the top of your hands, letting you calm down before he went on.

“I.. I think about you all the time, I always have. I don't know what I would've done differently that night, but I'd do anything to take it back. To fix it..” The sweet smile on his face barely made his words sound better.

“I don't understand, Lucifer.” Your voice was quiet, and cracked a bit when his name passed your lips. You saw him jolt slightly, hearing his own name through your sweet, yet saddened voice.

“Well, I guess..Li-Lillith and I-” You both winced at the mention of her name. “- we weren't what everyone expected of us. And you were one of the only demons to know that. She- ugh.. I don’t know she left without a word, without a note - I have no idea where she went.” You felt like you were getting let in on a secret that he had been keeping for years. And maybe that's exactly what was happening. Your face went pale, your head swaying slightly, Lucifer took a hold of your arms and helped you stand, guided you back to your seat.

“It's not because of me, is it?” You said quietly, as if Lillith was just around the corner, ready to scold the two of you. Again.

“No! No, geez, if it has anything to do with you, then I'm to blame. Don't worry.” He still smiled at you, his face becoming strained after grinning for so long, then placed a hand over yours.

“Don't worry? Yeah! That shouldn't be too hard.. you idiot.” You rolled your eyes, but didn't pull away at his touch.

“I'll get straight to the point then, if you think I'm such a clown -” you couldn't help but grin at his self deprecating humor, and he's so relieved to see your smile.

“With you being in Charlie's life again, I'd like to.. I don't know, clear the air? Try and patch things up..?” You went to deject the idea, but he went on before you could.

“I know it won't be easy, and it's okay if it doesn't work out. But we all used to have so much fun together.. I think right now, it could be good for Charlie, and me, to have someone like you around.. I want you back in my life.” His little spiel seemed scripted up until that last part. Your heart throbbed. You were known to always decline help from people, avoid handouts, but the rush you felt hearing Lucifer say he needs you, you were almost swooning.

“Besides, we've both grown up! Moved on-  Right? I have all of Hell to keep an eye on, and you've got your little boyfriend back at the hotel so -” You wasted no time in correcting him. The idea of him thinking you had moved on with another demon made you panic for some reason you would never admit to. Why did he think you had a boyfriend? Who would - 

“Al?? Oh no, it's not like that, I swear. He's just been a good friend to me since I went to the hotel, is all.” 

“Al, huh?” He grumbled, leaning back in his seat ans crossing his arms over his chest. The warmth he left on your hand was immediately missed.

“Alastor, you know. The.. um.. You met him.” You held the sleeve of your sweater to your nose again, allowing the sweet air into your lungs. Fuck, he couldnt take his eyes off of you. He never wanted to take his eyes off of you, again. You just looked so pure in your little sweater.

But, that sweater.. something seemed off about it to Lucifer. He could feel some strange energy emitting off of it. It didn't come off as dangerous, but it definitely left him feeling uneasy. Like a headache that's just barely there, suffocating his thoughts. He's felt that before. It clouded his actions and judgements during his fight with-

“Hey, uh.. Be careful around that deer guy, will you? He seems pretty intimidating. Not to me, of course, but you know. Just in case.”

“Just in case of what?” You leaned forward, with your elbows on the table, propping your chin up. “Are you jealous?”

“Wha-What?? Of course not, I'm the king of Hell, I obviously trump him in every aspect.” There it was. There was that cocky, little bundle of nerves you used to know all those years ago. Everything finally hit you with the lost time, seeing that side of him.

“Lucifer, I missed so much. I wanted to be there for her, for Charlie.. I know I was just a babysitter, but there was so much more I wanted to do, so many things I wish I could've seen with her. With you, too.” You placed your hand overtop of his, just as he did to you earlier. He obviously wasn't expecting the reciprocation, flinching slightly at your touch.

“I guess I get what you're saying.. about taking that day back? That maybe if I didnt attack you the way I did, that I could be there longer. But… I was in love, Lucifer.” He stifled any giggles at the idea that you considered that kiss an attack, but nothing mattered after what you had said. He immediately flushed in the face at your words.

“In love..?” He barely whispered the words, his eyes sparkling. He felt a stabbing sensation in his chest, a familiar one, but still one that he hadn't felt in years.

“Yeah.. hm, it would've happened sooner or later, I think. I think I would've done it at some later point, if it didnt happen then.. I guess I'm just glad I left before Charlie could remember me. It all worked out, so - I guess what i’m saying is - we can try. Let's try being friends, again.”

What a bittersweet resolution.

“Okay. I'd like that.” He was fighting off any unwanted feelings. Burying any ideas to just profess that he felt the same way, and that he still does. That he wants to pick back up right where you left off. That he barely kept the longing, of feeling your lips against his, at bay. No matter how hard that was, things were looking up. Don’t blow it, Lucifer.

You chatted for a little while longer. You told him about your struggles after you were fired, all your interactions in Cannibal Town, the good and bad, then your eventual arrival at the hotel. The conversation lightened a bit, as you told stories about Charlie, giving him a much needed update on how she was doing when she wasn't stressing about a visit from him. You went on, talking about the other residents that he didnt have a chance to interact with last time. Obviously, that part of the conversation went into heavy detail about Alastor and all his little gifts and kindness.

Before you noticed, Lucifer held the edges of his chair, his hands gripping tightly into the metal at every little sigh or giggle you'd make in reference to something Alastor did. He'd dismiss it as jealousy for now. But that didn't stop him from rerunning that one moment in his mind. The moment where he was holding you. Touching the small of your back, just like how he used to.

The way you stood so close to him, that he could wrap his slender arm completely around your waist, and the confidence in your dismissal of Luficer's general presence. It was commendable, no matter the subject, he loved seeing your more confident side. Your words still hurt. The topic eventually came up.

“Oh god, Lucifer! I'm so sorry, I almost forgot about that.. I didnt mean anything, that was completely rude of me to treat you like that. I felt something come over me, seeing your face again, I just - I don't know, it was probably just some repressed rage? I'm sorry.” He quickly waved his hands, offering you reassurance in your actions, admitting that he felt he deserved it after everything.

“Don't say that, I was out of line. What you did to me doesn't excuse my actions.” You admitted. Was forgiveness possible in this situation? He had pushed the possibility so far down in his mind that a mutual respect seemed like an unachievable goal. And any reciprocated feelings were merely a dream.

This felt like a dream.

You asked how he was. He didn't hear that question often, so he didn't really answer with fun stories or anything exciting. His mind went into autopilot after you left. And after Lillith left, a lot of memories seemed suppressed. You asked about Charlie. He was worried you'd do that.

“Well- She uh.. went through her whole teenage phase, you know, goth makeup, boyfriends, a bunch of stuff she grew out of. She spent more time with.. her m-mother, though.. as she got older. But hey! Here she is now, doing the whole hotel thing, I'm very proud of her.” He nodded, clearly ready to move off the topic. But you weren’t.

“She looked up to you, you know. A lot. Oh man, she would cry for you all the time, constantly try to get into your workshop - as cute as it was, I wasn't ready to chase her down all the time. And i’d say she still looks up to you, Lucifer. You inspired her, I can tell.” You swayed the backwash of your tea in your cup, the pot was emptied long ago. Looking up, you see a trembling smile then watch him exhale a shaky sigh.

“Thank you.” He said softly. You couldn't stop yourself from leaning towards him a bit, after placing your cup down with a small clink.

Stop, Don't do this again.

Things might be different this time, but it can only go wrong in some other way, you were sure of it. Still, he leaned in as well. As you got closer, ready to shut your eyes to the reality and just let your fantasies take over, he reeled back, cover his nose and mouth with his hand. You jumped back, clearly embarrassed. He wouldnt call attention to it, leaving you to wonder what went wrong, but the scent from the sweater. It was disgusting to him.

“O-Okay, good catch up. I should get going, I - umm.. I promised Charlie I'd help her with something, so..” That was a lie. But if you spent another moment in that room with him alone, you'd have no control over what happened next.

“Oh.. right. Here -” He rose from his chair and opened the portal back up, leading to the same hallway you were in before. Turning back to him as he approached you, neither of you really said goodbye. Neither of you wanted to say goodbye. After an awkward exchange of trying to figure out if this should end with a handshake, a wave, a kiss - nope not that one. a kiss would be too much. But a hug?

Lucifer carefully placed his arms around you, encasing you close to his chest. He could feel your heart rate increase. The scent of your cardigan you wore overwhelmed him, but he refused to let go after feeling your arms lay comfortably around the back of his waist.

Good lord, this man hadn't gotten any in centuries. it took all of his strength to not trail his hands underneath that damned sweater and pull it off of you, feeling his way up your torso, sliding just the clawed tips of his fingers under your shirt until you - 

“Lucifer?” Your words were mumbled, your face pressed against his chest after he had tightened his grip.

“Hoof- sorry.” He quickly pulled away. You immediately missed the touch, but it was definitely for the best. For both of you.

“Well, Thanks for coming by.. you have my number..? Right! Call me whenever you want, I'm not busy-” Sure. The king of Hell wasn't busy. He just didn't want to admit that he’d drop anything he was doing if it meant hearing your voice. You nodded your head, taking a firm grip on his hand as you stepped carefully out of the portal and back into the hotel.

“I'll see you, Lucifer.” You said sweetly, he visibly melted at your words.

“I hope so.” With a quick wave, the portal cinched shut.

---

Alastor stood in the hallway, right where the portal had closed, greeting you with a stretched smile.

“Darling! How was your little visit? I wasn't expecting him to sweep you off your feet so soon, I hope it went well.” He approached you, tapping his microphone to the ground and leaning into you.

“You never called for me, I’m hoping he didn’t hurt you. Again.” His voice crackled and a high pitch ring made you cover your ears for a moment.

“No, Alastor, it was good! We're gonna try and work things out, see if we can be friends again. I think it went the best it could, if you ask me.” You hummed with a sense of confidence, strolling dwon the hall with Alastor following beside you. You didn't notice his eye twitch and his ears folding back at the mention of his full name. He was losing you.

“Just be careful, dear! We don’t want you to make any mistakes again, do we?” He had no idea what he was talking about. Right? You hadn’t told him anything.

“Well, it’s about time I run some of my errands. Let me know if I can be of service to you.” A signature greeting for you at this point, Alastor reaches for your hand and presses another kiss across your knuckles. He looks up at you the way he usually does, but he let his lips linger for just a moment longer. Shutting his eyes for a moment, he tilted your hand to place his nose against the sleeve of your gifted sweater, inhaling the scent and exhaling with a hum.

“R-right, I will. Thanks.” You pulled away from his grasp, his eyes suddenly shooting open. You pulled away from him. That hasn't happened before. He wasn't nervous, exactly. But he did disappear into his shadow, which darted down the hall in the blink of an eye, leaving you with nothing but innocent curiosity.

♡ ♡ ♡

To be continued! Stay Tuned ;)

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[bo0mcat]

Hi Joker Out Tumblr!

I’m not very active here but after seeing all the comments regarding the recent JokerOutSubs interview in London I had to respond.

I was the one who went to go and interview them in London and the response over the last couple of days has been incredibly emotional, and incredibly overwhelming, so firstly, thank you all, from the bottom of my heart, for making me so indescribably happy. Seeing people say that they felt safe watching this interview, and that it’s going to be a comfort video for them, actually brought me to tears on a number of occasions.

I wanted to respond to a few comments that I’ve seen. The questions were mostly devised by me and @alephai . When we were perfecting the questions and going over ways we could make them as respectful as possible, she suggested that we ask permission from Bojan before jumping into personal questions about his anxiety. I immediately agreed and I’m so glad we insisted on keeping it in, even as the questions went through several redrafts. We are both strong advocates of mental health acceptance, and I certainly understand on a personal level how challenging it can be to talk about. We wanted to make sure he had the opportunity to not talk about it, if he didn’t want to, and we were prepared for multiple scenarios.

We also decided right from the beginning that we didn’t want to put our own interpretations on the band. We wanted to frame the questions so they could answer anything they wanted to them, and make it clear that we’re not trying to sensationalise or find some kind of clickbaity quote. A looooot of thought, time and effort went into the questions and we think that the band could sense that there was a lot of love, respect, and genuine admiration for what they do in them. We’re really glad everyone else noticed it too!

We were also really mindful that the questions flowed neatly into one another - for instance, the questions about Bojan’s anxiety got steadily less personal and lighter so it would move smoothly into the questions about music. Again I’ve seen loads of comments about this and it’s so validating to see that the hard work put in was noticed.

We were extremely mindful of appropriate boundaries, and kept the knowledge that we’re ultimately strangers to them front and centre. The main goal on the day was to be as professional as possible. I’m genuinely so happy that they felt relaxed and comfortable enough to open up. I’m glad to say there was never a moment in the room where there was any tension, it truly felt like having a chat with friends! Afterwards, Bojan asked me if I were a professional journalist (which I am not) and it really made me incredibly happy. They are all absolutely sweethearts and some of the warmest, kindest people I’ve had the pleasure to spend an hour with.

The aftermath of the interview was one of the most intense weeks of my life and I have to shout out to every member of @jokeroutsubs who worked on this one. The dedication I saw from the subtitles, translators and video editors was insane. Lots of conversations at mad hours of the morning trying to get this out to the highest possible quality, and I am, as ever, bowled over by the JOS team. To say that joining up with them has been life changing is an absolute understatement, and I’m glad to say that through JOS I’ve met a series of women without whom I can no longer imagine my life. Strong, intelligent women from all over Europe who I now consider to be my sisters, and whom I love incredibly dearly.

I have to mention the message at the end of the interview. This was the product of many months of conversation about the impact of Joker Out on Slovene society between me and several members of the slo team, something that it’s been amazing to learn about from the perspective of an English girl, and we’re so glad we had an opportunity to tell them. Massive thank you again for all the voice notes I was sent to help me practice my pronunciation. I wanted to make sure it was as good as I could possibly manage to show my respect for the Slovenian people, language and culture.

Lastly I wanted to say thank you for all the messages I’ve received complimenting me on this interview. Credit in this case has to be shared between so many people. It was truly a team effort and I’m just so happy I could contribute in giving something back to a band I love and admire, and a community that embraced me with open arms during a difficult time in my life.

I love you all, and thank you all for your wonderful words. X

[mvrtaiswriting]

Hi! For the 1,000 followers event, I’d like to request #2 off the drunk prompt list! Melodrama by Lorde vibes. I love Luffy, Sanji, and Zoro! Thank u!!! 😋💖

Zoro x prompt 2 (drunk prompts) - "i’ve alway thought you were th’prettiest person around.”

hi! thanks for requesting this <3 i chose to go with zoro for this one cause i'm such a sucker for him and this fits him perfectly. this is quite short but i hope it matches your expectations - i wrote it while listening to "The Louvre" by Lorde, and that's why it got a bit suggestive at the end. enjoy! <3

gender neutral reader | a bit suggestive ig | 477 words.

reblogs, likes, and comments are appreciated ♡ if you enjoy my works, click here to read more or buy me a coffee. -> from this event.

“Y’know wha- i’ve alway thought you were th’prettiest person around.”

Zoro blurted out, an hiccup interrupting him mid-sentence. Resting his chin against the palm of his hand, he locked his good eye on your face, a soft smile forming on his face. The booze he had consumed throughout the night had painted his cheeks of an unusual crimson shade, destroying his usual stoic façade and lifting the veil from his emotions.

"Uh?"

Nodding in response, Zoro kept his eye locked on you. His smile kept growing as he stared at you, occasionally sipping from his cup but never shifting his gaze from you - he just couldn't. There was something so hypnotising about you that had him wrapped around your finger. The world's greatest swordsman hung from your lips, left defenceless in front of you - he couldn't help but fall, feeling his heart skipping a beat every time you dared to smile his way.

Few inches were now keeping you apart, the two of you sitting in front of each other across the dining table. Mimicking his movements, you too rested your chin against the palm of your hand, leaning forward on the table and getting closer to him.

"You're drunk." you smirked, scanning his flustered face trying to interpret his confession.

Zoro followed you, edging his body forward and almost lying on the table, finally shortening the distance between the two of you. Zoro's eye pierced right though you and for a moment, it felt as if he could stare directly into your soul - as if he knew how much you ached to feel his lips against yours, as if he could see how many times you have dreamed of him with his hands through your hair as your back lied right against that table.

"Maybe." Zoro agreed, tilting his head to one side. "but booze is just liquid courage, isn't it?" he laughed, licking his lips like a lion would before jumping on its prey.

Zoro had held onto this feeling for far too long - the pining, the anticipation, the dreams with you all over him; and it was driving him insane.

Chuckling in response, you moved closer to Zoro, brushing your nose against his - your lips grazing against each other for a brief second leaving Zoro breathless, his mouth slightly open waiting for more. A smirk appeared on your face once again, feeling the tension building up in your veins.

"C'mere."

He whispered, wrapping his calloused hand around your neck and pulling you in, forcing his lips against yours. His lips felt rough, your hasty kiss quickly becoming wetter, hungrier, needier.

"We should go." he mumbled, his lips never fully leaving yours.

A nod was all it took for Zoro to pick you up and let your legs wrap around his waist, dragging the two of you to his bedroom.

[is-on-its-way]

Bathtub

Post-Fight the Future

A moment in Scully's recovery from Antarctica after being released from a Buenos Aires hospital.

Inspired by this insane "blooper" video. and a tweet asking for a fic about said moment.

There was a soft knock at the door and Mulder said “Scully?” through it. 

“Come in Mulder” she called. 

There was a pause and she yelled out again with a smile “Im not indecent”. She was covered in bubbles after all, he wouldn’t be able to see anything below her shoulders.

He opened the door and slid his face through it apprehensively but when he saw she was covered completely, he relaxed and moved halfway across the frame.

She smiled up at him as she swallowed a retort of “Nothing you haven't seen before”, not wanting to make him needlessly uncomfortable. He had seemed like he’d been held together by a fine thread, under constant threat of loosing what little composure he’d been keeping together for her since she had woken up in the hospital in Buenos Aires. 

They had been in an airy third floor walk up on a street full of colourful buildings, with bare trees lining the cobble stones, since she’d been released from the hospital a couple of days ago. She’d been throughly enjoying wandering around Palermo with him, looking at the old architecture that rivalled DC, listening to live music in the evenings, sitting at a corner cafe sipping wonderful warm coffee, not thinking about work for what felt like the first time in a long while. 

He hadn’t mentioned anything about what had happened yet, letting her take the lead, but she could tell he was itching to. He had so much on his mind and she would have to get the full accounting eventually. But here in this cozy old stone building, in a bathtub from at least 1920, with a weathered door that wouldn’t lock, she felt like she was in a different lifetime. A sanctuary away from the x files and what they would have to return to in Washington in two days. 

“Hey” he said eyes lingering on her face, no chance of impropriety there. She loved him for it.

“Skinner called, he’s glad you’re out of the hospital and he said to call as soon as you can, so…”

“No dilly dallying?”

He smiled at the term and said “Right, I don’t think we should keep him waiting he’s uh… well, annoyed would be a generous interpretation”

She laughed, “Okay, Ill be out in a minute.”

He turned out of the door then back to her “I was going to order some late breakfast, what do you want?”

“You can order in Spanish over the phone?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Well…” He shrugged throwing his hands out. The bottle cap he’d been playing with slipped from his fingers, hit the water, and sank with a tink to the bottom of the tub. 

“Sorry” he said quickly, passing all the way through the threshold and stooping down over the tub. Before she could think to move, he slipped his arm between her legs and was fishing on the bottom of the tub for it. She swallowed the gasp in her throat as his arm brushed her inner thigh and her back straightened imperceptibly in response.

She followed his arm down with her eyes and shifted her legs open so he could reach it, where she could feel it had fallen, under her leg. She looked up at his face, lips parted, in surprise. He seemed truly concentrated on finding the thing. Was he just so comfortable with her now, almost kissing her in hallways, and carrying her half naked across the arctic that this was just what their partnership had evolved into? She wondered what he would do next, imagined what he would do next, hoped at what he would do next. 

“Got it” he said and looked up at her, his hand dripping over the water. Their eyes met and she swallowed as she saw him register the desire she had been too slow to hide. She could see the moment flicker behind his eyes as he realised what he had done. His cheeks burned red as he leaned back, closing his hand around it in a tight fist. “Im sorry Scully, I don’t know what I was thinking doing that.”

She shook her head, setting her face in a casual expression, and ran her tongue over her dry lips. “Thats okay Mulder.” 

They both waited for the other to speak and when neither did, she decided to end his agony. Her mouth spread in a wide smile and then she was giggling. He looked at her and chanced a smile. 

“Mulder” she said sweetly. The water sloshed as she put her hands up in front of her, resting her fingers on the hollow between her clavicles, covering her breasts. She leaned onto the side of the tub, closing the distance he'd put between them. She looked up into his face. “It’s nothing you haven’t seen before anyway.” She said it as a comfort, not in jest.

Mulder’s face was flushed but he smiled at her with such gentle affection, she could’ve stood up and thrown her arms around him in a sudsy wet hug. 

Instead she said “Can we go out to that cafe again? I think I need to get the blood flowing with a walk.” Not that that wasn’t already happening right now, but she wanted to be outside, she’d felt slightly suffocated being inside since Antarctica.

“Of course, anything you want, Scully” He said in that stoic tone she loved, as he stood and made his way out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him. 

End. 

@today-in-fic

[chaos-and-sparkles]

Presenting:

Prowler Pavitr <3<3

Here's Pavitr's design in my Prowler Pavitr au akjdskjdskjkskdsk! It's my au where Pavitr is a fallen hero who used to be Spider-Man and becomes the Prowler, fueled by rage against a world and a system that forced him to pretend at perfection and then only hurt him and the people he loves.

I love him so much,, I have so much stuff in progress about him rn (working on the fics too). Gonna have chaipunk front and center, and like four separate plot arcs, I'm so insane about this au actually -

Anyway here's some infodump about his design inspirations and symbolism I put in it, I loveeeee talking abt him:

Hair -

Okay so this is after some time, like a couple months since Pav became the Prowler, and he's grown his hair out a bit now. It's kind of a mix of rejection of the "masculine" standard of short cropped hair by flaunting his longer curls that he's always been proud of and even had to grow to love He also dyes his hair purple! Bc he didn't wanna cut his hair but he wanted to do something to set himself apart from his old identity and also he's literally an impulsive 17-18 year old and wanted to do something that felt like owning his own self and asserting autonomy over his body etc etc

Something Borrowed -

The tie that he's using to tie back his hair is his original blue headband!! It doesn't go with his outfit at all but It's the original blue headband that Maya Aunty got for him all those years ago that he's been wearing forever and it snapped and broke in the battle that preceded what happened to her, and he still keeps it and ties his hair back with it instead The nosering (nath) used to be Gayatri's, they used to try out her jewelry on him and he loved that one so much she gifted it to him, and since he's basically left his old life and gone no contact with her it's all he has left of Gaya too

Main Outfit -

His jacket is loosely based on Krrish's leather jacket from the Bollywood movie series that's about a superhero named Krrish. I just think it has the dramatique and vibe Pav would like He binds his chest bc he still hadn't had top surgery but he's way more open about it, with the binding showing through the neck of the jacket now where he would have never dared to hint at it before,,, another thing about how he doesn't care about people's opinions and perceptions and standards anymore, he wants to say fuck you as much to everything in the system as he can and also piss people off while he's at it and a trans antihero/villain is a surefire way to do that. His dhoti is basically a dhoti pant, modified a bit bc i liked it

He has payals on his feet that make a faint chhan chhan noise when he approaches which has creepiness and cuteness potential imo I basically turned the prowler logo into his dhoti belt buckle askjdsjk

It's also slightly modified to mimic a trishul or even a diya shape, up for interpretation either way, bc trishuls are a symbol of Shiva, god of destruction, and diyas are a symbol of light in the darkness and the need to find it Also the chain around the dhoti at his hips is both a reference to decorative dhoti chain accessories and the lil things on it are his modified grenades that he uses for arson, bc Prowler Pav is big on arson and murder ajajsjsj

Prowler Claws -

His bangles/claws were hands down my favourite part to design!!

So his claws are of course his original spiderman bangles modified into the prowler claws But i based them on three weapons, each of which means something interesting for Pavitr

The first is bagh nakh. Literally translates to "tiger claws", famously used in a legend of Shivaji Maharaj They usually curl into the palm instead of going between the fingers like they do for Pav, but they're basically metal claws wound secretly around your hand for a sneak attack It's associated with bravery and righteous rage bc of Shivaji Maharaj but it's also really associated with stealth and an attack from unexpected quarters, being stabbed from a side no one saw coming. Which. Pavitr. The perfect hero, becoming the Prowler. Come on

Second is the trishul, aka trident That's the reason there are three prongs to his claw Trishul is the symbol of the god Shiva, and as i mentioned he's the god of destruction, as in he's part of the main triumvirate of gods who focus on creation preservation and destruction He also is really really associated with rage, especially destructive rage; he has a whole dance called the tandava for his rage which is a Huge Deal I can't stress this enough And because Prowler Pav is a being fuelled by rage against a system that has hurt so many including him that he wants to destroy and see burned, it is perfect for him The trishul is also seen as a symbol of goddess Kali, who's similar in the destruction goddess aspect and also is literally an embodiment of rage and violence that cannot be controlled which is more the theme I started out with, but whichever you notice first, it works either way. There's a whole myth in fact where Shiva had to lie beneath her feet to stop her destructive rampage before it ended the world.

And lastly, the urumi, aka the whip sword from Kerala Basically each of Prowler Pav's claws extend into whip swords when he does the swing/slash/whip motion This is really interesting at least to me, bc it means 2 things: 1) Pav still remembers and is actively using some of his skillset from swinging around as Spiderman. He does use the urumis to curl around distant objects and swing too, and they are very lethal weapons when used right, and that use requires a lot of skill, huge parts of which he built up by his experience 2) This is a weapon which requires an unimaginable amount of control, precision and strength And Pav is doing all that So all of his actions, every movement, is very deliberate and thought out. He's not doing any of this - turning away from heroism, becoming the Prowler, using these lethal weapons - on a whim. They are all very very deliberate.

Also one more thing - the blades of his claws are all retractable ofc But they are not protected or anything They slice up his palms and the in-betweens of his fingers whenever he uses them,, especially when he uses them as urumis And it would be so easy to fix the design or make gloves or smth so they don't do that But he doesn't ever do it He could make it so his hands don't bleed on using his claws But he doesn't want to

He is an angsty boyo...

Mask -

The eyes are ofc like the prowler mask design except I made them more curved and curled at the end bc that's a kind of shape often seen in traditional art of the headdress of Kali, goddess of uncontrollable violence as I've said before Then the part between them is meant to be based off a third eye, which is something both Shiva and Kali have. It opens at the height of their rage, it's meant to symbolise destructive fury for them both Although it's also used in an all seeing context otherwise but a lot of whitewashed bullshit is also there that dilutes sources to find connotations His theyyam-based tusks from his Spider-Man mask, I wanted to keep

The shape below the eyes is based off the noses in masks in various regional Indian tribal and traditional masks,,, a lot of them tend to have a very distinctive curly nose shape that I wanted to keep, a lot of these masks also depict rage or are intimidating and are very emotive And then ofc you have the bottom of the mask, I made the curved-ish cut based on the peacock-feather-y shape i was using but it's also based on the general shape of Kali's lips in traditional art where she has her tongue out, it's a big symbol of her rage and rampage I tried to put the tongue too but it looked awkward and honestly i thought it would be cooler to jsut leave the bottom half of the mask open and you can see Pav's mouth and his expressions through it a bit instead, in the spirit of that And also it's based a little bit off Krrish's mask, you can never escape the Krrish design Also there's the lil teeth. Those are often used in art for demons and animals,, and Prowler Pav is very cat coded in his behaviour in general tbh. He's like if an orange cat's fur got burned to black.

Anyway, so yeah, that's him!

[shanastoryteller]

in the 'verse of 'at the rind,' does the ketamine treatment last?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i left it open ended on purpose!

i know the real world answer of why house goes off the rail in season 3 and beyond is because the writers felt the need to keep upping the ante, but my interpretation is actually that the way everyone reacted to him being pain free is what set house down the never ending spiral he was never able to claw his way out from

i think house's pain was 0% psychosomatic before the ketamine treatment and it only gained that component after

no one is happy that house is happy

there are two accusations that get thrown at house throughout the series that come up in this episode, both of which i think are bullshit

that he only cares about puzzles, not people, and he's never happy unless he's high

house is an ass but he's shown as caring for people, very deeply, and especially for his patients. it's crazy to me that the people who supposedly know him best always accuse him of being heartless and only caring about puzzles. like, yes, he's callous, and an asshole, but his god complex doesn't come from solving puzzles - it comes from saving people

he loves solving puzzles because it means he knows more than anyone else and it means he can save people that no one else can save. if all he cared about was answers, he'd be in research. if it was all the puzzle, he wouldn't push forward to find the answer even when the patient was certain to die, he'd just wait to perform the autopsy. but he always pushes forward, and yes, it's because he wants the answer - but it's also because some part of him thinks that if he finds the answer, he can save the patient, even when all answers lead to death

when house is lying about being in rehab in season 3, cuddy insists she can tell the difference, that he's more clear headed and focused now that he's off the vicodin. which is bullshit because he never stops taking it. they say house doesn't do happy multiple times. in season 5 when he's on methodone everyone thinks that he's high because happy, but the truth is that he's happy because his pain is gone

and he goes off the methodone because he thinks being pain free makes him a worse doctor

which is a belief that got instilled in him after he went through the ketamine treatment and was trying to be happy, was trying to care about people in a way that's deeper than just solving a puzzle or saving their lives. but instead everyone just gets pissed at him and when he figures out the reason behind a man's paralysis and manages to reverse it, they lie to him about it! after telling him that everything he was doing was torture and cruel! and cuddy tells him that an insane theory that makes no sense is as high as he gets - always, always implicating that house's happiness is artificial, that his interest in saving people has nothing to do with caring about people. and even when he uncovers the truth, it doesn't matter, because that unshakable belief has been instilled within him, that his misery makes him good at solving puzzles and no one believes he's capable of anything else

whether the ketamine treatment lasts or doesn't last was less of an interesting question to me. i don't think every one of his problems was pain related. it was also people related, which he may bring on himself by being an ass, but still

what i wanted a world where house felt safe enough to be vulnerable and to try for something better and different and the people around him leaned into that instead of away from it

[drunkwhenimadethis]

My poorly kept secret wounded self esteem has been put on BLAST this past week and I can't ignore it anymore and I want to make actual concrete movements towards Acceptance Love Appreciation Compassion Boldness Connection w Myself etc but I don't know where to start. How do you address something so ancient. I close my eyes sometimes and now all is okay but I'm two minded about everything I doubt so much and create distress in my life. I don't know if it's because I quit smoking/drinking seven days ago and am more consciously aware of my feelings now but it's been insane. Today I was hanging the laundry upstairs and listening to Fergie and the sun was shining and that moment felt good, I felt good in myself. After I made an anxious contact with somebody and was totally thrown off. Later cried. And exhausted myself and fell asleep for an hour. I feel way too old for these insane jumps in emotion, for this incredible unsureness. I absolutely need to fortify like girl. I just want to put my head down and work on myself from the inside out. I want to be for myself, I want to know myself the deepest. More money, more independence, more bodily movement, dancing, I want to paint again, read physical books instead of PDFs, buy a CD player so I can put my phone down, I want to use my time well, I want to make myself so so so proud, as daunting as it is these are the many fun things I wouldn't be thinking tonight if I had opened a bottle of wine ....! I don't start my job at the school for another few weeks and I am drowning in all of this time. Maybe time to write birth chart interpretations again, bring my laptop to the cafe and just type away for hours.

[kiwibongos]

warning for ab/se & toxic relationships. and sdr2 spoilers duh

im thinking abt the remnants of despair. cause i hate how it just seemed to be like, "theyre suddenly brainwashed and then they turn evilll and they kill because they dont feel anything" like, i hate that. it feels so underdeveloped. it cant just be despair, it has to be deeper than that, i think it'd take personal angles and link with a lot of their own trauma, leaving them really vulnerable and deranged. so heres my own interpretation and headcanons for some of them

contains mikan, nagito, fuyuhiko, peko, akane, kazuichi, and brief analysis of the rest. keep in mind i havent seen the animes yet lol so this is a basic layer of it, but i just rly wanted to let this out cus i dont see it talked about. storing my brainrot here for later moments.

first of all i feel like the brainwashing would be a very slow process bc junko would definitely just manipulate everyone in her way to get what she wants. and by the time the world was plagued basically, all the remnants clearly had really unhealthy feelings related to junko specifically. they all love her, hate her, or praise her, but its all in very different ways that would be bc of their own personal backstories

we all know how mikan and nagito feel. mikan was constantly hurt by other people before junko herself, itd make sense for her to develop a very unhealthy attachment to her. mikan was extremely vulnerable and controllable, she would do anything for anyone and especially junko, just so no one is mad at her, hence why it got so twisted to the point where she wanted to keep a part of her inside forever. she wanted to be loved so badly, she would take whatever form of it she could. thats why it was so easy for junko to get her under her boot. now nagito has an odd love-hate relationship with junko imo (his mind is so messed up man) even if he praises hope in such a grossly obsessed way, the mf still TOOK her arm. i know he did it because he hated her so much and i guess to take power back, but i feel like because nagito had never really been loved, he wanted to try and feel what it could've been like out of some kind of confused desperation and fondness for her in a way, because his mind has no idea what those feelings truly are or what they mean, as hatred and love often get mixed up in his head and form this horrible amalgamation with whoever he meets, which is clear towards the survivors in the nwp anyway

fuyuhiko put junko's own eye into his own socket, and i feel like his relationship with her while in despair would be familial and extremely unhealthy. he is definitely one of the most fucked up to me. id say by my own headcanons though its heavily implied in his fte dialogues, is his parents are very ab/usive right from the start. fuyuhiko is messed up to all hell, he was constantly struck and under pressure but he had to be strong and perfect because he was the head of his clan, hence like his insane tolerance for pain. he had to make his clan, or more importantly his parents proud, or else he was a failure forever. so he clung onto that and did his best trying to be good enough for basically anyone. and even before despair he was in a really bad stubborn, mean, depressive state, leaving him far more vulnerable and more open to violent, impulsive actions as long as junko was smart enough to get him under her finger. fuyuhiko never knew what true love felt like (platonic or not), and when junko took advantage of all of that and he slowly fell into despair, shit hit the fan. he lost morality and he had come so attached to her to the point where junko was like a mother figure to him. he wanted her to notice him and be proud basically, it was moreso the idea of someone-- anyone-- being proud of him, but junko was his main focus of that by now, given his state. to him she was like the mother he never had, who seemed to be on the same terms with everything he had believed, someone who approved of him, so he wanted to make her proud, even if it was hurting him. fuyuhiko would keep digging himself a hole of desperation and self destruction, seeking more and more pain to test his endurance because it's what she wanted, and that became what he wanted, too, because pain is all he's used to. and because of that, makotos guess was right; he wanted to see her despair. it'd make sense he'd want to take a part of her, to see horrors she had witnessed so he could understand it, so she could be proud of him and part of him forever. he felt like if he did that, he would finally succeed, he'd achieve perfection, and he did. he'd done everything junko wanted him to do, while quenching his own thirst for violence itself, all via his own delusions. that was love to him and it felt real

as for peko she was definitely also treated the same in the kuzuryu family but more dehumanized obviously, so i think she'd feel a similar way; always needing to be good enough, but more specifically protecting the ones she cares about at all costs even if it results in bloodshed. i think she'd be a lot colder, forcing to suppress her feelings since she just has to follow fuyuhiko wherever he goes, and she was pretty much as insane as him as well so anything slid. i know peko doesnt want to be a tool, but she'd definitely succumb to the fact that she has to be one when they're under despair at the same time, and if she was going to be his tool, she has to be like a robot and just do what follows, because she didn't see herself as a person, her chance of being her own human was ripped away

as for akane, she grew up very poor, and didn't live a good life at all either (w/ definitely bad parents) but she always tried her very best taking care of her siblings in the past, despite everything. i think there was a lot of twisted familial love with junko whom she started to see as a sister despite being unrelated, just because of being a caretaker all her life, its just kind of instinct to protect anyone, but that just got mixed up as she fell into despair, and she would only protect junko, while chaotically killing anyone else in her way. she'd fight for her endlessly, she was one of the strongest, at least for a while, im thinkin she found her body and wanted to preserve it as much as possible by the end of everything, she still wanted to take care of her and do everything for her even if she had been too late. and with that, and barely any food in an apocalyptic world, the inevitable happens. akane would fall into a very hurtful spiral of self hate, that her starving was a sacrifice to junko so she could prioritize her first instead of herself, while also it being like a punishment to herself for her own failures and how she was failing to preserve junko

kazuichi always hated himself. he was bullied often, didn’t have a lot of friends going into high school, and he was very desperate for attention, especially from women. he’d be very notably attached to junko which would eventually evolve into romantic feelings, similar to mikan. he craved attention and validation so much, it left him very vulnerable, and kazuichi often grows attached to people who show him a sliver of kindness anyway, so junko would likely personally manipulate him and praise him, and they’d grow close, and he’d develop a very strong attachment towards her that derails into love and lust. and once he was influenced by her under despair, he would do anything for her. so, he’d get his hands on a lot of weapons, and go on mindless killing sprees, causing havoc 24/7 just to please her and keep her memory alive through despair. and deep in his mind, he probably truly thought that junko was his soulmate, that they were destined to be together, and he was fulfilling missions just for her, and in the end, they could be together

extra stuff i guess? as anyone would expect, sonia just became a corrupted leader and took advantage of her power under despair. her kingdom would try to keep her above it, but she’d fall into it somehow anyway, and probably had already been plagued by corrupt/unjust views by junko before, so she’d lead her people to worship junko the same way she does, and anyone who stood against it would be punished severely. mahiru falls into morbid curiosity because of junko and gets worse, given what she does with her camera, also both mikan and gundham would try to stitch junko up a little, and try to keep her from falling apart as long as possible. mikan is more likely to do that for her own twisted romantic purposes, but if gundham gets a hold of her before or after mikan, he would take her blood for himself, and most likely start a cult to worship her, all for like weird satanic purposes involving rituals and stuff. he’d also encourage his members or the other remnants to indulge in certain activities for the sake of praising her. gundham would probably even believe she was some demon from the underworld who granted him powers and chose him to carry on her legacy

also teruteru was just a little hungry. boys gotta eat

[shinozaki-ayumi]

Ok I'm just going to post it lol.

I’ve had this theory about Dead Patient (but I guess now Darkness Distortion too) for ages, but I always felt it was too insane and I was just coping. BUT I finally saw someone on Twitter make a similar connection so I feel comfortable enough to put it out there now.

All my thoughts under the cut! Will contain some spoilers for Blood Drive and Dead Patient if you are new to the series and want to avoid those.

First, regarding Dead Patient:

So I've basically always had this theory that Ayame Itou might somehow actually be Ayumi inside her own Nirvana experiencing amnesia, and that her Nirvana took the shape of a hospital because… idk. I guess because she’s been effectively disabled since the end of Blood Drive and probably has to be in the hospital more often? If I’m remembering correctly, Yoshiki mentions in the Dead Patient drama CD that he has to bring Ayumi to the hospital, so maybe it’s the same one?

Either way it was a very incomplete “theory” and more something I thought up because it would be a fun fic idea lmao. DP isn't finished so there isn't really enough material to build a theory off of; I was mostly going off of their names sounding familiar, the amnesia thing, and the fact that the very first thing we see in DP is a catatonic Ayumi, implying that she is relevant to the story somehow. But I looked a bit more into it and there are a few things here and there that I’ve had some fun theorizing about, even if it's a stretch.

#1: This limited edition alternative costume for Ayame. They could’ve picked any character, but they picked Ayumi (this is a massive stretch, I just thought it was neat and could potentially carry some hints under the guise of a meaningless costume).

#2: The way Ayame’s name is written in hiragana, not kanji. This is pretty uncommon in Corpse Party characters. The vast majority of them use kanji -- except Sachiko (サチコ), Yoshikazu (ヨシカズ), and Yoshie (ヨシヱ), whose names are written in katakana; and Sayaka (さやか) and Ayumi (あゆみ), whose names are in hiragana. Again also a stretch, but an interesting correlation given how their names already sound similar.

And #3: This aspect of Ayame’s background, which is left pretty vague. Since this is a fan wiki I double-checked their source and it does say this in official material. The vagueness of it is obviously meant to correlate to Ayame’s amnesia, but it also leaves it open to the interpretation that maybe an amnesiac Ayumi has trauma-informed responses to these things due to her experiences in HH (even if she doesn’t remember it concretely).

Either way I didn’t really expect this idea to hold any ground and mostly put it away in the back of my mind as a silly thing to build my own post-Blood Drive headcanons with. Certain inconsistencies also existed that made me believe it wasn't possible and I was just looking into it too much (e.g., Ayame's last name is Itou, which both looks and sounds nothing like Shinozaki, so the name similarity point kind of falls off track).

Now, with Darkness Distortion:

We have another character named "Ayame." The ritual/curse in Darkness Distortion is called Ayame's Mercy. In general, people are under the impression that the girl in a wheelchair seen in promotional material is Ayame. I mean, this part of the trailer probably all but confirms that:

Ayumi is also in a wheelchair as of the end of Blood Drive/beginning of Dead Patient:

This time around, the name comparison also holds a bit more value, I think. Darkness Distortion's Ayame's full name is Ayame Kirishima. Someone I follow on Twitter pointed something out about how this new name sounds:

Translation: “I’m saying this very quietly, but, if ‘Ayame-san’ is ‘Ayumi,’ then wouldn’t her surname(?), ‘Kirishima,’ become ‘Kishinuma’?”

We know that Yoshiki is basically Ayumi's caretaker post-Blood Drive (or at least becomes her caretaker sometime between the end of Blood Drive and the start of Dead Patient) and she presumably lives with him. So I suppose it wouldn't be entirely unbelievable that an only semi-conscious or amnesia-riddled Ayumi would latch onto his name as a form of self-identification or just genuinely mistake it for her own?

The question obviously remains whether Ayame Ito and Ayame Kirishima are the same character. I don't really think it's just a coincidence they have the same first name and the setting is a hospital again. The Ayumi connection is questionable, but after getting more thoroughly reacquainted with Blood Drive (I hadn't played it since it came out 10 years ago. Oops) I feel like it's not entirely crazy to think Ayumi could have manifested her own Nirvana like Sachiko did. Maybe Ayame Ito and Ayame Kirishima function similarly to the White Sachiko and Red Sachiko in Blood Covered? (i.e., two separate manifestations of the same soul representing different emotions).

Idk. I don't expect any of this to be true lol. But it's fun to theorize while we wait for real answers.

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

I've been binge reading all your and @therealvinelle 's twilight fics (at least the ones that are completed) and I am o b s e s s e d

They're all insane in a great way and I've pretty much fallen in love with your interpretations of the characters. Scarily, they do not feel OOC at all even though Smeyer would never have written them the way you did. Aro especially is a delight. I always felt sad that their friendship was pretty much dead by the end of BD. Edward keeps making him out to be this evil, power hungry megalomaniac and then you actually meet him. And he is just. He's Aro. I never saw him as the series' big bad, so it's always so weird that that's exactly what Smeyer intended for him to be. And then I came across all of your metas, THEY ALL MADE SENSE AND MY EYES ARE OPENED. But I digress.

I think my favourite fics from you has to be Blue Moon, or Painting Red Madonnas + The Less Than Immaculate Conception

Last Christmas, Bleach on the Brain and Leech in the Rain killed me in the best ways too. I always love stories surrounding Renesmee/Carlie and dealing with her very disturbing bond with Jacob.

I've also read Nebuchadnezzar's Dream from Vinelle and I was laughing through most of the fic and then my heart literally dropped. I look forward to a sequel! The AU spinoff looks promising too!

I am also on the Aro/Carlisle bandwagon as of reading your fics. Congratulations, you've recruited another shipper.

Also I'm curious if you intentionally wrote Carlisle as a sex-positive asexual? He just gives me 'vibes', like he doesn't seem to be sexually attracted to Aro but enjoys sex with him all the same. I really like it as someone on the aspec.

Thank you! Look, @therealvinelle, praise and bandwagon joiners!

Intentionally, afraid not. Officially, at least what we usually intend, Carlisle is supposed to be bisexual if not all that interested in sex/it's not his largest priority in the world and he'll be happily celibate for almost a century and happy to continue but ah...

He always ends up very very very gay. So gay.

"I enjoy musical theater" - Carlisle Cullen, in a fic, actually.

As for the Aro thing, well, he lost the "I am not attracted to this man" battle when in Nebuchadnezzar's Dream he spends several paragraphs explaining how God made Aro's face because it is HOT.

Though arguments of course can be made.

[leavesdriftinginthewind]

Alright, after wallowing in Weyler despair for 8 hours yesterday, one of my friends shook me out of my stupor and helped me realize that all hope is NOT lost.

There was good reason to believe season two was never going to be heavy on Weyler romance anyways. Tyler’s kind of insane, his Hyde side has taken the wheel, we don’t know what it’s like for a Hyde to have to grapple with not having a master, and the writers said that Tyler doesn’t even know what his true feelings for Wednesday ARE right now. He doesn’t know if what he felt for her was real or was manufactured because of Laurel’s command to get close to her. On top of that, Wednesday allowed herself to fall for Tyler only to have her feelings promptly and horrendously crushed. She’s going to be so closed off to romance, and likely so closed off to HIM. She’s not going to want to put herself through any of that again for the foreseeable future.

All that said, it would be kind of crazy to have them not cross paths again in season two, so I assume we WILL be getting Wednesday and Tyler interactions, and they WILL be wrought with tension, because that is just the nature of the relationship at present. Will Jenna WANT it to be interpreted as romantic? Probably not. But does she REALLY have a choice in the matter of how it’s interpreted? No. And it’s a fact that they were romantic, she can’t act like it didn’t happen.

And perhaps they use this season as a way to build a solid, honest, legitimate foundation for Tyler and Wednesday. They DO need to learn to trust each other, for Tyler to genuinely trust Wednesday with his whole heart and for Wednesday to trust him again. Where we are now, Wednesday could HATE him for what he did to her, but she knows that there’s more there and that everything’s not his fault. She’ll need to tap into that funny thing called forgiveness.

And Tyler, poor Tyler is confused and ANGRY and hurt and he has a hatred but he doesn’t know who or what it should be directed at. Wednesday?Nevermore? Laurel? They BOTH need to heal their respective wounds and probably learn to trust each other if they are meant to come together to defeat the s2 big bad. They’ll need to LISTEN to each other’s sides and be open and honest to get to that point. And when the season ends, they have a connection they KNOW is real and genuine and we can grow from there.

And while this is going on, Tyler CAN realize he has romantic feelings for Wednesday and that what he felt for her in s1 was genuine, not manufactured through Laurel’s commands (as the showrunners alluded to wanting to explore in s2). But perhaps as they rebuild their relationship, as Wednesday learns to trust him again, he doesn’t want to jeopardize just HAVING her in his life, so he keeps it quiet. And that’s something that can be explored further in s3.

If this happens, if we watch them rebuild their relationship, basically start from scratch so they’re something solid at the end of s2, then maybe in s3 we can watch it turn romantic again. And then we HAVE the foundation, we WATCHED it get built so folks can’t say “they came out of nowhere,” because they didn’t. We watched them rise and fall and burn and rise again.

Are we being delusional? Maybe. But I’ll hold onto my delusion until they stab me in the gut with whatever garbage is packaged as season 2 (and who really knows when we’ll actually be seeing it anyways with the writers’ strike going on?).

[anthurak]

9S is the final boss though? Like his whole arc after 2B dies is him going insane until you get to the final fight with A2 with her being the obviously better choice.

Alright, ‘cracks knuckles’ guess I’m finally talking about those Nier takes I’ve never gotten around to.

Yes, you are correct. Which is why I call 9S a ‘blemish’ and not something that outright ruined the game for me.

It’s still annoying when you get into later parts of Route B when 9S starts stumbling onto all the big lore and backstory reveals with even Commander White dropping into emphasize how important what he’s finding is. As if the story is saying ‘aren’t you a smart and special little boy, 9S, for discovering all these important things’. Which combined with 2B dying at the start of Route C, makes it feel like, as I said, 9S is getting the ‘he was the REAL main character all along!’ treatment. Particularly when we consider that 9S gets to be the PC of both Route B and half of Route C, whereas 2B only gets Route A and A2 only gets half of Route C, effectively meaning that 9S technically gets the most screen time, story-wise.

Add on the fact that, as I said in the original repost, 9S reads and acts like literally every generic, cardboard-cutout self-insert anime protag-guy, to the point where some of his dialogue with 2B that I think the game wants us to interpret as ‘flirting’ feels like it’s out of a goddamn visual novel, and you can see why I consider him pretty insufferable.

It also doesn’t help that every time I’ve revisited Nier: Automata, I’m always finding 2B more and more interesting and compelling as a character. Just as an example, has anyone noticed that despite being seemingly the most ‘professional’ and loyal to the YoRHA cause on the surface of the three PCs, 2B is actually the most merciful of the three to the machine lifeforms? Like how when you first encounter non-hostile machines, 2B doesn’t want to attack them, stating that there is no reason to attack those that aren’t attacking them. Or how 2B is actually the MOST open of the three to talking and working with Pascal, whereas A2 is at first extremely distrustful and 9S just wanted to attack him on sight.

And yes, I really like A2 as well. Unfortunately the way her route is constructed means that she feels just as much like a replacement for 2B as she does a separate character in her own right. Which combined with the shorter length of Route C, makes her character feel a bit truncated.

And yes, 9S rapidly revealing himself to be a crazed, murderous incel simping for 2B the moment she dies IS in and of itself a great, twisted and interesting character turn, and I wholly agree that A2 having to Old-Yeller him is absolutely the better choice for the final battle. Unfortunately, it doesn’t really change everything else I’ve been saying up to now. Or the fact that 2B absolutely got fridged to make it happen.

Personally, for a long time now I’ve felt a better way to do the post-‘everything’s gone to shit’ reveal that we see in Route C would have 2B not actually dying but instead taken by A2 and eventually purged of the logic virus, though with 9S still wholly BELIEVING that 2B is dead at A2’s hands. Say, A2 still stabs 2B, but it turns out to be non-fatal.

From there, Route C follows A2 and a weakened/regaining-her-strength 2B working together. Likely with some fun gameplay twists were-in you’re switching control between the two. All the while, 9S is deteriorating even further than what we saw originally, to the point where even when he learns that 2B is alive and sees her again, he just goes into an even more crazed ‘you abandoned me!’ and ‘you left me for her!’ mode.

Which actually ends up leading to 9S mirroring Eve’s own crazed obsession with Adam and the rampage he went on after the latter’s death. Which in turn at first leads 2B to believe that 9S has some lingering virus infection from Adam and Eve from when they were holding him captive and that is the source of his madness, meaning that 9S could still be saved.

Of course, in a tragic twist, it is revealed that it ISN’T something lingering from Eve, but rather that 9S is deliberately re-infecting himself with the virus. That the true source of 9S’s madness is simply his own twisted obsession with 2B.

Which in turn leads to a final boss fight of 2B and A2 fighting a now-monstrous 9S. A fight which culminates in 2B and A2, with the help of Pods 042 and 153, hacking 9S in an extended trippy hacking sequence.

A sequence which culminates in 2B/the player having to hack into 9S’s menu and actually forcibly uninstall his OS-chip in order to put him down for good. Complete with you/2B effectively having to fight the ‘Are you sure?’ confirmation box which becomes progressively more crazed and unhinged, until Pod 042 mentions that you can force-uninstall the chip through some seemingly simply method like holding the button. Or perhaps something equally zany like switching control to A2 to uninstall the chip while the confirmation box is ‘occupied’ with 2B.

Thus, we still get a tragic/bittersweet ending of 2B being forced to kill 9S, but this time for good with the sense that now she can finally move on. Also this version would absolutely have 2B and A2 becoming a couple.

So yeah, that's a... few of my takes on Nier. Heck, I didn't even go into the AU I've had percolating for a few years now wherein 9S is expunged from the story entirely, 2B is partnered with 60 and is a bit of a yuri-harem-protag and there is frankly WAY more world-building than is necessary.

[uchihabbynic]

The Morning

Characters: Shikamaru Nara x Fem!Reader 

Mentions: Ino Yamanaka 

a/n: I’ve been stuck with the most insane brainrot for Shikamaru for the past 72 hours - like my insides were gonna explode so this is a total random word vomit. Minimal plot, just vibes & Shikamaru smut 😈✨

Warnings: Smut; Unprotected Sex, Smoking, Brief Drug Use (Marijuana)

Word Count: 2.7k

Mood 🎧: Power of A Woman - Ella Mai

You lay awake in the early hours of the morning peeking through the curtains of his bedroom window, watching as the sun tried to break through the dark, rain filled clouds that had covered the sky since the night before. You were as still as a glass lake on a windless day, careful to not awaken a sleeping Shikamaru as you knew how much he valued his sleep.

You deeply inhaled the intoxicating, musky scent coming from the oversized gray t-shirt that Shika had let you borrow the night before. The wonderfully addicting smell filled your nostrils every time you shifted under the covers, sending icy shivers down your spine. While you and Shikmaru were seemingly content with being nothing more than close friends, recently - you’d noticed a newfound tension between you two.

(Cliché, I know)

The lingering touches, the intense eye contact that neither of you seem to wanna break, the faint blush that crawled across his cheeks - which was a bit uncharacteristic for him. And now - lying half naked next to the boy you’d been friends with since grade school just solidified the idea that you weren’t just imagining all these things. 

Suddenly, you felt movement coming from the other side of the bed.

“Mmm.” Shikamaru grumbled as he turned over on his side - most of his face buried deep under the plush comforter. Messy strands of jet black hair laid sprawled across his pillow as he could never keep his ponytail intact while he slept. 

“Mornin.” He managed. The deep, raspiness of his sleepy voice made your heart flutter. His almond eyes slowly opened and he peeked over the blanket, meeting your own (E/C) eyes. 

“How’d you sleep?” You whispered, turning back on your side, face to face with the Nara. 

“Fine. You?” Shikamaru asked followed by an exaggerated yawn before settling back down into the blanket next to you. 

A small smile crept across your face. “I slept great. Thanks for helping me last night.” 

“No need to thank me.” He mumbled, eyes fluttering - fighting to stay open.

“You were plastered, so there was no way I was letting you go home alone.” Despite the drowsiness that consumed Shikamaru after just having woken up, he managed a tiny smile. 

“Shikamaru, the hero.” You let out a soft chuckle as you sat up in bed and carefully peeled the covers back, stepping onto the cold wooden floor beneath you.

 “Coffee?” You asked as you shoved your feet into the thigh high socks you had previously thrown off the edge of the bed. 

“Hm, that’d be nice.” Shikamaru replied, now propped up in bed on a mound of pillows, eyes gently closed once more - resting peacefully. 

As you made your way across the bedroom and into the kitchen, Shikamaru couldn’t help but to force an eye open and peek at you as your hips swayed across the room. He quite loved the view of your perky nipples that protruded through the oversized heather gray tee he’d given you and plushy thighs that rubbed together with every step. This caused Shika to shift, adjusting himself under the blankets, ensuring that his morning wood stayed under control as much as possible. 

The aroma of black coffee beans filled the small apartment as you brewed a cup for yourself and Shika, still allowing yourselves time to fully wake up. 

Something had been on Shikamaru’s mind since he’d taken you back to his place from the bar that you and your friends had been spending the evening at. He’d overheard a drunken conversation you’d had with Ino and it had been replaying in his head since then. Being the analytical man that he was, Shika spent a good majority of the night playing it cool but trying to interpret every possible scenario of what he heard you say last night. 

Did she really mean that? -No, she was just drunk.

Maybe she wasn’t talking about me. I must have heard it wrong. 

You handed the piping hot mug to Shikamaru who was in the middle of re-adjusting his sleek, black ponytail. An uneasiness filled the pit of his stomach as he watched you climb back onto the bed, settling next to him. He figured there was no point in driving himself crazy over what he heard - he may as well put it all out there and hope for the best.

“Y/N. Can I ask you something?” Shikamaru’s jaw clenched, bracing himself for your response.

You peered over a Shika who was staring down at his mug, the steam flowing effortlessly out of the hot Cup of Joe he held. At that moment, he was determined to not make any eye contact and that in itself made you nervous.

“S-sure. What’s up?” you asked cautiously, taking a small sip from your own mug. The coffee warmed your belly in the best of ways, like receiving a hug from someone wearing a fuzzy sweater or wrapping yourself in a blanket fresh out the dryer. 

Shika scratched the back of his head, more fidgety than normal. You held your breath for what was to come. Nara was always so put together. So sure of himself. Nerves very rarely got the best of him, so to see him in such an unsettled state - you had no idea what could possibly be on his mind. 

“Well. I’m going to just come right out and say it.” He paused briefly before taking a deep breath. 

“I heard you say something to Ino last night and I just… I know you were drunk but I thought I'd heard you say something about sleeping with me but not wanting to make our friendship weird...” He continued, cursing under his breath, instantly regretting having said anything - fearful that he may have ruined a nice, pure morning with his accusation. 

Your heart rate immediately increased, thousands of questions prowled your mind as your eyes blew wide at the shocking realization that Shikamaru had indeed overheard your drunken rant to your best friend Ino about how much you’d fantasized recently about fucking Shikamaru but that you wouldnt dare ruin a perfectly good friendship. You suddenly sat in your own painful vulnerability as your cover was blown. You were exposed and there was no time to backpedal.

Shikamaru sat, now making eye contact with you as he patiently awaited your response but when he didn't immediately receive one, he panicked. 

“You know what? Forget I said anything. The coffee’s really good.” he breathed out, awkwardly trying to avoid the subject. 

“What? No. I’m sorry, I-” You were swimming in your own head trying to figure out what kind of response to give Shikamaru. He was the most intelligent man you knew, therefore; there was no need to lie as he’d figure you out eventually anyways.

“It’s true. I said that.” You boldly admitted to which Shikamaru’s head snapped up - his gorgeous chocolatey eyes as big as could be before regaining composure, forcing his expression to go back to a blank one.

Shikamaru raised his brow. “Did you now?” he replied coolly yet obviously intrigued. 

Shika never wanted to show an ounce of vulnerability so playing it cool was his natural defense mechanism. 

“-So what are you gonna do about it?” His eyes now traveling up and down your body, fixated on your shapely figure. It was no surprise that you looked 100x better in any of his clothes than he did. 

You leaned forward, mere inches from Nara’s face. “You tell me.” you smirked. 

No sooner than you could utter another word, Shikamaru cupped your face forcefully pulling you into him as your lips crashed into one another. You feverishly melted into the spontaneous kiss that Shika had planted on you. Considering he was a regular smoker, his lips were as soft as you’d always imagined them to be. Both of your tongues were fighting for dominance but being a woman who never backed down from a challenge - you didn’t let up even once, being sure to assert yourself. 

The room was filled with breathy pants as you pushed Shikamaru back onto the bed - his back flat on the mattress, your lips still sewn to his as if it was all you knew in that moment. You climbed atop Shikamaru, straddling his waist. You immediately felt his thick, hard member brush against your inner thigh which evoked a muffled groan to leave his throat at the foreign contact. 

You detached your lips from his just long enough to attach them to his jaw bone - sucking and nipping at all the most sensitive spots. You let out a soft moan as you felt his large hands smack both ass cheeks, gripping onto them forcefully. Shika was quite fond of the color green so it was no surprise that you had “unintentionally” slipped into olive green hipsters to sleep in the night before.

You continued to move down his neck, desperately leaving a trail of purple bruises as you went. The heat between your legs became an overwhelming sensation as you could feel yourself grow wetter by the second. You began skillfully rolling your hips over Shikamaru’s boxer briefs - his large cock curved to one side begging to be freed. 

“Shit.” he grumbled lazily as he jerked underneath you at the delicious friction you were rewarding him with. You smiled on his scorching hot skin, proud of the subtle praise Shika was giving you as you greedily continued to plant kisses all across his neck causing him to squirm. 

“I want it.” You breathed out, desperate for Shikamaru’s cock to fill every inch of you. Best friend or not, the man was gorgeous and this was one fantasy you weren’t going to let slip away. 

“Then take it babygirl, it’s all yours.” he cooed, arms propped up behind his head allowing the perfect view of you as he watched you peel off the T-shirt that was now drenched in your sweat. Your tits fell out with ease evoking his constricted member to jump ever so slightly in the briefs that held it in.

Without hesitation, you hooked your fingers into the hem of his briefs, eagerly pulling them down past his thick, hairy thighs causing his cock to bounce up forcefully slapping his abdomen. You crawled down his body until you were face to face with his oozing, hard member, giving the tip a small kitten lick causing Shikamaru to jerk once more under you. 

“Don’t tease me sweetheart.” Shikamaru spat, unable to sit still as the coolness of the AC and the warm heat of your breath lingered over his red, swollen cock.

 As you continued your ministrations, wetting the tip - you whimpered back in pleasure hearing the Jonin grunt and mutter curses as he felt your plump lips attach themselves to the upper half of his length. This was a sensation that Shikamaru would never grow tired of. 

You finally did as you were told and ceased the excessive teasing and brushed two fingers against Shikamaru’s lower lip, coaxing him to open his mouth allowing him to suck your digits before you inserted them into your needy cunt. As eager as you were, Shikamaru was way bigger than you expected him to be and you wanted to be sure that you could show up and show out, riding his cock with ease.

As you shimmied your panties down your legs, revealing your recently waxed pussy - Shikamaru sharply inhaled as he’d never seen you this way before. You spread your legs wide on either side of his thighs and hovered over the tip of his cock.

Shikamaru immediately gripped onto your hips, his nails digging into your feverish skin, guiding you down- as there was a slight curve to the massive member he carried between his legs. 

“Atta girl. Just like that.” Shikamaru groaned as you slowly sank your sopping wet cunt down onto his cock.

Shikamaru’s cheeks flushed with the prettiest shade of pink feeling your gummy walls constrict around him the further you sank down. A loud moan tumbled from your lips as the Nara filled you to perfection. 

“Fuck, Shika. It’s so big…” you whined, nose scrunched together as you began gyrating your hips in a steady motion riding his dick.

“Goddammit.” Shikamaru panted out, beads of sweat forming near his hairline.

 While not usually very vocal in the bedroom, he was quickly unraveling underneath you - feeling your dripping heat strangle his cock. You suddenly increased the pace and began bouncing with much more fervor and intent while Shika had one hand planted on your ass and the other gripping your breast as you rode him into the mattress. 

There was something so damn powerful about causing a man who was always so composed to completely lose control. You thrived off of it. Lived for it, even. 

Shikamaru began drilling into you, thrusting his hips upwards to meet yours. The sound of skin slapping filled the bedroom - your legs were ready to give out underneath you as a familiar coil hit the pit of your stomach. Your legs began to shake. Your moans and whimpers bounced off the walls as you wholeheartedly lost yourself while Shika’s cock kissed your cervix. Your vision went blurred as you felt your orgasm violently crash over you, still dazed from Shikamaru fucking into you with everything he had. 

For someone who was inherently lazy, he fucked like a champ and you were certainly not regretting the decision to give yourself to him. Finally, you tumbled over onto Shika's chest, completely out of breath while his cock still drilled into you as he chased his own high. Mere minutes later, he was shuddering and cursing as he came completely undone, filling you with his thick, hot cum. 

As the two of you rode out your highs together, Shika leaned down and kissed the top of your head, lazily drawing circles on the small of your back as you laid, still straddling him. 

“Not sure how we got here but… I actually love it.” You chuckled, breaking the comfortable silence. 

“Shh. Don’t question it.” Shikamaru muttered, still caressing your lower back.

>>>

It was now mid morning and you and Shikamaru had laid in blissful silence together after the dirty deed you’d done. Neither of you asked any questions or dared to discuss it. You figured there’d be a time and place to unpack whatever the hell just happened between you two, but for now - you were just content with existing in the moment. Suddenly, a fierce growl erupted from your stomach causing the both of you to burst out into laughter. 

“What the hell was that?” Shikamaru frowned, joking at the sound that had left your body.

“You fed me everything this morning but actual food, Nara. What do you think?” You smirked. You loved the way you could exchange smart ass remarks with Shikamaru and he’d never get offended because you both just got each other. 

“You know I can’t think about food until I smoke first.” he replied, nonchalantly. 

You sighed, jumping off the bed grabbing the pre-rolled joint you’d made sure to have ready for the both of you in the morning. 

“Fine, let’s smoke. But then, you owe me breakfast.” You demanded as you threw on a fresh tee from Shikamaru’s drawer and a pair of his joggers. 

“My cock wasn’t enough, huh?” He joked, slapping your ass as he jumped off the bed behind you, pulling some shorts onto his waist. 

“Ha, ha.” You sarcastically replied as you made your way onto the balcony for your morning medicine. 

You pulled up a chair next to where Shikamaru always sat for his cigarette breaks. Your lips wrapped around the joint with ease as you cupped your hand, bringing the pink lighter you carried to your mouth lighting the opposite end of the paper before taking a nice long drag. 

You blew out, handing the joint to Shikamaru as you soaked up the rays of the mid-morning sun. 

“So what do we tell our friends?” you asked, leaning back in the wicker chair. 

Shikamaru shrugged, absolutely unbothered. “Nothing. Let’s keep this morning to ourselves. Our little secret.” He said, cracking a smile as he handed the joint back to you after taking a few small hits. 

“Deal.” 

[houseofpendragons]

I'm sure you've seen this a thousand time before but I hate that they made Aegon a rapist!!!

I love what they did with the show, I loved every thing, and I mean everything...except how they handled Aegon's character. They had so much potential with his character like if this is a show about 2 opposing sides, the Fandom should be split and conflicted about who they want on the throne (I have to support Rhaenyra simply due to the fact that Aegon is a rapist; even though I was team black from the books anyways but you understand what I mean)

Theu could have made it so that he was back from a night of drinking & whoring at a brothel, or maybe some serving girl he got pregnant (as it was rumored that he had two bastard children in the same year the twins were born) is asking for money to support the baby and he says no, or my personal favorite make it so that Dyana didn't say no bc she felt like she HAD TO SAY YES bc he's a prince. Like make it a parallel to Rhaenyra/Ser Criston Cole situation (bc that's how I interpreted it. I saw him looking at that door like he was thinking bout bolting but it would have been her word against his and she was his Princess so he felt like he really had no choice)

I feel like we should have seen a lot of parallels between Rhaenyra and Aegon. She wants the throne but it is take away from her bc she is a woman, Aegon doesn't want the throne but it is forced upon him bc he's a male. All Rhaenyra wanted was for Viserys to see her when she was little, Aegon wants the same thing now or at least he used to. Just make it so that they find different ways to cope; hers are healthy and his are self destructive.

And don't get me started on that child fighting pit, like what was the point. I would have much rather it been just seeing the children around Kings Landing instead of that bs. Or if they did decide to do that make it so Daemon went to bc as much as I love him he wasn't all that good just as he wasn't all that bad either. Idk I even saw a spoiler at one point for episode 9 that turned out to be false and it said that Aegon was found hiding with one of his bastards and that would have been cool if earlier like I said he had sent said mother away when she asked for money but then found comfort with his bastard child.

I also like how Rhaenyra very much embraces the Targaryen customs and all that (same for Aemond) and Aegon seems genuinely disgusted with it like he cut his hair short in open rebellion and even seemed repulsed at the thought of marrying his sister and I think it's bc that's what he genuinely see her as, his sister.

I think they should have kept him pervy like how we saw with Ty Tennents Aegon, and then as the series goes on and he slowly starts to go insane he gradually gets worse and worse and could then become a rapist, again parallel Rhaenyra who also gets worse and worse with insanity due to all of her grief and is even compared to Maegor (maegor with teats). It says that no serving girl was safe bc he would pinch and fondle, not rape. Again should have waited until later in the series. Instead they went with mushrooms story, mushroom who was a) known to make stuff up and overly sexualize everything, and b) wasn't even in Kings Landing.

Okay that's all, it just really irks me. He and Rhaenyra should have been parallels (and maybe have had at least a conversation😭) so that you are conflicted over who you want to win and are equally devastated as we see them sink into insanity and bad morals and actions.

(Also I saw something that showed Aegon was staring at Daemon and rhaenyra during the dinner scene and when I saw that I thought it's bc that's what he longs for and something he will never have 😭)

[a-wins-a-win]

mouse's attempted B;APO timeline

aka i was writing an irrelevant detail in a silly little fic and it occurred to me that oh wait i could actually think about this!!

credit where credit's due - i am using this timeline right here (from @hearmyvoicee) as a base, but i have some particular thoughts/interpretations of my own + felt like using 2001 dates! (bc why not, ya know? keep it basically of the time it opened) so this whole thing is mostly for my own reference, but if it makes sense to any of y'all as well? great <;3 [keeping it under the cut for my own sanity + yours]

.✨.

Sunday, January 7 [the feast of the Epiphany is celebrated on January 6th, or the closest Sunday to that date - in the case of 2001, that's the 7th]

Epiphany

Monday - Friday, January 8 - 12 [ i swear on my life someone mentioned to me once that it's generally accepted that You & I spans several days?? i cannot find who or where but someone tell me i'm not going insane ]

You & I

Friday, January 12 [the friday is entirely arbitrary, just seems the type of day you'd hold auditions - give it a week to stir interest, cast on friday, start up your rehearsals from the next monday onwards] [i have never been in theater though, so don't hold me to that]

Role Of A Lifetime

Auditions

Plain Jane Fatass

Thursday, February 22 [to me the phrase "we'll meet in Tanya's room on Friday night" implies that it's not yet Friday + in theory the song takes place during study hall, so an actual weekday? so to that end it could be any day monday-thursday, the specifics not mattering in particular, but i arbitrarily went with thursday so that Ivy’s birthday lines up right]

Wonderland

Friday, February 23

A Quiet Night At Home

Rolling

Best Kept Secret

Wednesday, February 28 [borrowing from the previous timeline for this one - the Lent + Ash Wednesday significance makes sense] [to that end, Ash Wednesday 2001 was in fact February 28th]

Confession

Portrait Of A Girl

Thursday, March 1 [in Wonderland they reference the fact that "Ivy's birthday's in a week", ergo wonderland date + 1 week]

Birthday, Bitch!

One Kiss

Are You There?

911! Emergency!

Friday, March 2 [peter mentions 911! Emergency as being "last night"]

Reputation Stain'd

Ever After

Saturday, March 10 [generally, the Spring Break week is from March 11 to March 17, so in my head it makes sense for them to be leaving for their spring break the day beforehand - ergo, March 10th]

Spring

One

✨ spring break / intermission ✨

Sunday, March 17 [the sunday makes sense in my head to mirror Epiphany]

Wedding Bells

Monday, March 19

In The Hallway

Monday, March 26 [ as claire says - "gone a week, i miss you already". so if classes started again on the 19th + 1 week is the 26th ]

Touch My Soul

See Me

Warning

[sidenote, easter 2001 was sunday april 15. to that end, to account for the Easter Monday holiday, likely they had the 16th off also]

Friday, May 18 [okay listen!! i know it crowds A LOT of act 2 together but!! the way sister chantelle says here "if you decide you want to get together one more time" implies to me that they aren't going to be having more Official rehearsal time before the play actually gets performed] [it all has to occur between monday may 14 & sunday may 20 for jason's "graduate next sunday" line to be technically correct] [rory's decided that they'll "meet back here. seven o'clock" - which i was always under the impression is the supposed to be rehearsal that sets up Promise] [Nadia's "call me tonight, or tomorrow, or whenever" to me implies that she won't see him tomorrow? so probably they don't have any classes or rehearsal the next day]["i know it's late" in Cross is such a little detail, but to me it just ties it all up]

Pilgrim's Hands

God Don't Make No Trash

All Grown Up

Promise

Once Upon A Time

Cross

Saturday, May 19 [saturday night seems a reasonable time to put on the show, right? like in order to make it accessible to family + friends outside of the school?]

Two Households

Bare

Queen Mab

A Glooming Peace

Tuesday, May 22 [a {catholic} person is buried between 2 and 7 days after their death, typically around 3. i always got the vibes that Absolution was supposed to take place on/around jason's funeral, ergo the play + 3 days]

Absolution

Sunday, May 27 [going with the assumption that they graduate on the last sunday in may, in 2001 that date was the 27th]

No Voice

.✨.

wanna make it super clear that i a) am australian and b) am not catholic and c) have never been to boarding school or in theater so a lot of dates were found via google search, and/or arbitrarily assigned weekdays

also also at the end of the day i'm not sure the specifics of the timeline super duper matter, it was mostly just for fun - but like. feel free to share ur thoughts!