#AND OF COURSE ITS ANGST

[thexvthmember]

“It’s all an Illusion”

“I look forward to hearing what ‘family’ means to him.”

🕸️🕸️🕸️

🕷️🕷️🕷️

[marragurl]

Saxaphone player Gallagher has not left my mind since the jazz night art dropped AND THEN Robin saying Halovian’s innately have good voices and Sunday used to hum lullabies to her as kids happened in the 2.2 special program, and I’m sure you guys can see where my unfortunate Galladay heart is going with this.

Whoever decided to make this art, I love you. I hope your pillow is cool every night, you’re never stuck in traffic, and your water is refreshing with every sip.

Also the art of Sunday with the White Gentlemen drink in the S.P.A.R.K.L.E jazz night event has also spiraled into me delusionally thinking that’s his go to drink. Which is hilarious since Robin has hinted before that he seems to have a massive sweet tooth in her letters.

(Sunday how do you even make holding a drink menacing, Sunday please get some therapy-)

So imagine this:

Pre 2.0 Galladay, where they’re both wary and suspicious of each other but didn’t do anything outright. Sunday slowly began to visit Gallagher’s bar whenever he had time to observe the Hound, initially on the down low just to get a sense of what he was working with and what to keep an eye on. He always gravitated to that one corner booth that every bar had with the most privacy, and just stalked there for a few hours before leaving. (Smol menacing birb in a tree vibes)

Gallagher obviously knew that Sunday was doing this (even though everyone else seemed to somehow completely miss him, Gallagher wouldn’t be surprised if Sunday was doing some weird Harmony mind tricks), and after the first few “stakeouts,” he bit the bullet and actually approached the table to engage with Sunday, on the off chance this was some weird “test of loyalty” by the Halovian to see if the Hound would swallow his pride to serve his so-called masters.

Nothing terrible happened, but he remained passive-aggressively polite when serving him, and Sunday remained passive-aggressively cool-headed in response. There was some snark of what dear “sweet-toothed” Sunday would want at a bar, and an icy reply of “aren’t you the master drink smith? Why don’t you show me those skills you boasted about?” which led to Gallagher being petty and giving Sunday the White Gentlemen drink, both for the story behind it being such a metaphor for Sunday, and because it was on the more bitter side of alcoholic drinks.

Sunday wasn’t too against the drink; it wasn’t something he would have ordered if it had been his choice, but it wasn’t a bad drink by any means. He couldn’t help but continue to drink it even after Gallagher left his little hidey booth to go back to the main bar, but he’d never stoop so low as to complement the Hound. Of course, he never ordered anything else from then on, only White Gentleman. In fact, over time it seemed to slowly get better, the flavors grew on him, and he couldn't help but look forward to it during difficult nights in the Dreamscape.

If Gallagher tried to needle him into a different drink, Sunday just bit back a “oh? Admitting defeat? I thought this was your best drink for me?” with a little smirk while Gallagher had to use every bit of self-control to not punch him in the face.

As time went on, the bar slowly became a place Sunday frequented to not quite relax, but to get away from the hustle and bustle of Penacony and his duties as one of its main faces. The stresses slowly started piling up, especially with the Charmony fast approaching in a few months and all that came with it.

Gallagher didn’t seem to loosen up regarding his attitude with Sunday, but he did get better at shoving down the visceral hatred he had for everything to do with The Family and Sunday as time went on. He didn’t get soft with Sunday per se, but he definitely kept an eye out for him, and definitely knew when to cut off his drinks on days where it seemed that Sunday wasn’t all that there for their usual veiled comments towards one another when he went to serve him his drink.

It started small, with Sunday staying later and later until sometimes he was the last one to leave the bar to return to reality. Gallagher wasn’t quite sure what to make of it, still wasn’t quite sure this wasn’t some weird long-term test Sunday was devising, especially since he still seemed to be the same ruthless Family member, the same Head of the Oak Family, when Gallagher was working as a Bloodhound outside the bar. For some reason though, within the enclosed space of this strange sanctuary, it was almost peaceful between the two.

One night, there was something wrong when Sunday entered the bar during Gallagher’s shift. He saw a bit of a crowd near the small stage that was within eyesight of his little hidey booth, it seemed some of the musicians of the live band were arguing? He watched as Gallagher came over, seemed to try to speak with the group before honing in on one of the musicians who had been making the most noise and seemed to be about to get physical with the rest. Sunday watched as Gallagher picked up the musician by the scruff of their suit with one hand and carried them towards the doors and lightly tossed them out.

(It was the first time Sunday had actually seen Gallagher perform anything resembling the actual duty of a Bloodhound. It only hit him that he’d only ever seen the other when giving reports, orders, or at the bar. Why was this so shocking to him, he’d seen the man’s arms before, hard not to with his slovenly dress and messy clothing style, as if he couldn’t bother to hide away his imperfections from the world, not like Sunday who refused to be seen by the world, to dare to show one thing off about himself despite his countless failings- he’s getting far too distracted by one meager showing of strength, focus Sunday)

There had always been a live music segment. Sunday was curious to see what would happen with the band missing a member, but was distracted by Gallagher placing his usual White Gentlemen in front of him before heading back to the musicians without a single word to him. Gallagher took a moment to speak with the rest of the band, who seemed to be coming out of their shock and took on worried looks. Sunday could only watch in muted shock as Gallagher went behind the bar and came back with a case, opening it to reveal a saxophone. He then went on stage with the rest of the group, positioned himself further to the side and in the back amongst the shadows within Sunday’s line of sight, and played with the band for the rest of the night.

Sunday couldn’t look away.

He was frozen as he watched Gallagher seamlessly transition from song to song, taking only small breaks to continue serving the other patrons before heading back in. Sunday only remembered about his own drink when his gloves began to get wet from the ice melting into condensation on his glass.

Something felt off within Sunday, and for the first time since Robin’s debut, he couldn't help humming to the music of the band, music that wasn’t of his own sister’s making. He couldn’t help but remember those little concerts the two would have, taking care of his little sister, his only world. He would do anything to keep the Harmony, to keep their family going. When was the last time they truly spent time together? Before he became the Head of the Oak Family? Before he couldn't recognize his own smile?

He was so lost in his thoughts, in memories he thought he buried, that he didn’t realize that it was once again closing time, and he was once again the last one left. He only snapped out of it when Gallagher came by to grab his empty glass, only quirking a questioning brow at him before heading back to the bar.

Gallagher had been keeping a quiet eye on the Halovian that night from the back of the band, in the shadows he felt the most comfort in when in the Dreamscape of Penacony. He had watched Sunday’s eyes glaze over, and the only reason he hadn’t felt offended by the seeming disinterest was the look in the other man’s eyes reminding him of his own when he looked in the mirror. The same look of shame, regret, loss, longing, of the wishes to regain everything he had lost. The same look he strove to hide under every bit of the facade he had crafted of this new self, but came back all too often with every reference of the Family found within his prison in the Dreamscape.

Maybe it was the shared nostalgia within his own heart, that little bit of his true self that he thought died when the Family tore out everything that made him who he was, that made him return behind the bar and begin making Sunday another White Gentlemen, giving Sunday a small nod to beckon him over. He wasn’t expecting anything from it, and he masked his own surprise when Sunday actually left his little shelter to come and take a seat in front of him at the bar. Even while out of it, Gallagher made note of the quiet confidence the other still carried himself. Nothing seemed wrong to anyone else looking at him, only for the lost look in his eyes.

The first time in the many months that they’ve been skirting around each other, and finally they seemed to be face to face.

It was quiet as Gallagher made Sunday his usual drink, a drink he had been slowly changing over the months to be sweeter and sweeter that Sunday never quite seemed to notice, or if he did, he never said anything, only seeming to savor it more each subsequent night. Maybe not even Gallagher noticed his own changes to the drink, subtle as they were.

It was quiet as Sunday took the finished drink, and it was quiet as his eyes slid over the bartop to see the saxophone case laying open with the instrument inside. It was quiet as Gallagher followed his eyes, as he came out from behind the bartop to take the saxophone out and take a seat in a chair only one seat down from Sunday’s. It was quiet as Gallagher began to play to his audience of one.

It was quiet as Sunday quietly hummed along.

It was quiet as they both knew that it would not last.

OK yea so this was all because I heard ‘La vie en rose’ at the end of the Jazz night event and went “Damn I wish that’s Gallagher playing on his Sax” and then we spiraled.

Uh. Idk what it is with me having a small ship moment which then spirals into a full blown writing session. My mind blanked out and as I came to I find out that I made a whole ass little one shot over here then completely forgot about it WHOOPS

So yea, hope my fellow Galladay enjoyers… enjoyed! I think I’ve slowly begun to crave… not domestic or fluff per se from these two, but after every AO3 fic being super dark between them (which I get! They are the toxic yaoi kings of Penacony as of writing this, no one is denying that!) I think I want to see them be explored in a more melancholic sense. Not quite the “forbidden” love angle, but in the “damn we kinda have some parallels, and maybe in another life we could have gotten along but there’s too much baggage and anger, both historically and currently to really even try anything”

I have this feeling this may not be the last time I write about these two… is Galladay going to be the ship that gets me to actually use my AO3 account?

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Cannot Unsee. Cannot Unknow.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[linimoonlight]

Just remember how Fit told Pac that he would be fine in Purgatory. That hes strong and capable and will do great. And maybe for once Pac decided to believe Fit. If only just a little bit. And still Fit did not tell Pac how scared he was of losing him.

Remember how Pac asked Fit if he would join him in Purgatory. He didnt say how terrified he was or how much he needed Fit there by his side. As always he pretended that everything was fine and maybe he believed it a little bit. And Fit did not tell him how badly he wanted to be ther to protect Pac but how he couldnt chose Pac over his son.

And then he was chosen as leader for his new team. They believed in him and maybe he started to believe in himself as well. Maybe he wouldnt fail them. Maybe he could actually do something.

But then remember how none of that mattered when he saw Cellbit logging in. He was instantly back in that prison. Especially with the friend he saw getting killed by Cell was standing right next to him once again.

And remember when Pac was face to face with Cellbit again he froze. He couldnt save anyone. He couldnt be a leader. All he could do was bag, watch his friend trying to save him again and die.

Now imagine Pac coming back to Fit, alive but even more destroyed than he has ever seen him. Broken once again, stuck deep in an ocean of fear and self doubt. Of course Fit does his best to help, to be there. But he also knows that this is his fault. Because he was not there for Pac when he needed him the most. He wasnt there to protect him. And who knows if he can ever forgive himself for that...

[kat1nkulta]

I can’t stop thinking about Loop. Imagine doing everything, anything, to get out of a traumatic situation but the price is you. Your body is gone, your name is gone, your family doesn’t recognice you, you feel like most of your memories of them are gone too anyway. Suddendly you’re denied your identity. It’s like YOU never existed… and someone else took your place. You, whose biggest fears are forgetting and being forgotten in turn. You, who’s hesitant to change and now you’re forced to. You can’t even really blame anyone else because you did get your wish, right?

It’s explained clearly in the game, but the implications of it just hit me extra hard sometimes. Siffrin is as much of a study of Loop as Loop is of Siffrin. They share(d) their fears too so mal du pays words essentially becoming the truth to Loop is just… 🪨🪨🪨🙁🙁🙁💥💥💥💥

What do you do when all you have is ripped from you, all your worst fears come true, and youre forced to just… come to terms with it?

[likesdoodling]

Decided to make my drawing practice a bit more entertaining :)

[miwtual]

i think something that people miss about the "you should be reblogging creative work, not just liking it" stuff is that so many people who arent making these creative works are so in the mindset of QUANTITY of notes over QUALITY of notes.

maybe this is in part because of other social media (like instagram, twitter, and youtube) where the creator is rewarded based on the quantity of likes, but y'all have to understand that us tumblr creators, for the most part, do not care about the quantity of notes. yes, it's nice to know that 700 people liked a gifset we made! but it's disheartening to see that only, like, 5 people reblogged it onto their blog so other people could see it and enjoy it too. part of tumblr as a SOCIAL media is that we are meant to interact with each other here, and if you only like stuff, you're limiting the social aspect of a wide platform of users.

fic writers want to see your comments about how they wrote that one scene. fanartists want you to get excited about the way they draw your favorite characters. gifsets like what we have here on tumblr don't exist like this anywhere else. why don't you want to show these creators off to your friends and followers? don't you want to show off how cool these creations and their creators are?

reblog from us now so you're not begging for us to come back to you later.

[orbmanson7]

Why Logan is Trapped by the Narrative: A Quick Analysis on the Effects of Thomas' Black-and-White Thinking

Why is Logan so caught up on not being seen as a joke?

Why does he care so much about what Thomas and the others think of him?

Can't he just be Logic without having to deny he has feelings, without constantly filling only the roles of exposition in the show and the voice of reason for Thomas?

Well, here's the thing: Logan is trapped by the narrative.

Thomas' perception of the narrative, to be exact.

Think of it this way - you know how so many people argue that we can't have a female president in the US because she would somehow be "too emotional" to handle the position properly?

While complete nonsense (at least in comparison to plenty of emotional decisions men can make, too), the point is that people see the role of a president as someone who is calm, collected, and in control. They know that person will have to make very important decisions, so it's believed they need to be someone who is informed and level-headed.

Similarly, if you were to hire a lawyer, only for that lawyer to constantly get angry and loud and scream at people when someone argued with them, would you trust them to be able to do their job properly?

If you went to the doctor, only for your doctor to cry and sob with empathy for you, only offering up niceties and positive words instead of factual information to improve your situation, would you ever go back to such a doctor or trust them to help anyone?

People perceive certain jobs and roles in very specific ways.

It's not that a lawyer can't get emotional, but they need to understand how to keep their calm when they are doing their job. It's not that a doctor can't have empathy and care about their patients, but they need to not let it interfere with their work.

People tend to see the world as more black and white than it actually is. We perceive people for their roles, not as the multi-faceted folks that they truly are.

Just because you see a coworker who's always quiet and reserved doesn't mean they are like that when they go home. Just because your teacher is strict and quick to find faults doesn't mean they are like that when they're on vacation.

Often, people think someone can only be one or the other, not varying shades of both and more. But even people we know very well can have aspects that we don't know or understand.

Logan exists within shades of gray, removed from those arbitrary constructs society holds but still required to operate within them because of Thomas.

This is why he has to insist on being heard, being taken seriously, not making mistakes.

Because everything relies on Thomas' perception of him.

If Thomas doesn't find Logan reliable? He won't be reliable.

If Thomas doesn't trust him when he tells him the truth? He won't be trustworthy.

If Thomas thinks Logan is wrong about something? Then Logan will be wrong.

It all comes down to how Thomas' mind perceives everything, and Logan is always, always torturously aware of that fact. Thomas is human. He has a lot of black-and-white thinking that he hasn't challenged just yet.

It's because of this that Logan knows he can't mess up, because then Thomas will see those mistakes as him. He will be identified in that way.

We see this with the other sides a lot, too, by the way.

Patton isn't taking seriously even when he has good suggestions because he's always telling jokes and relying on feelings. But Morality is something important that should be listened to and taken seriously at times, as it's meant to guide your actions.

Roman is reprimanded a lot for arguing and yelling at others, but he is constantly fueled by passion. He's built to stand up for what he believes in, even if he's wrong or making an impulsive decision in the moment! Tampering down that passion would prevent him from expressing the Creativity that he embodies!

Virgil's entire role is to scare Thomas into not doing things that could potentially hurt him, so Thomas perceived him as scary and villainous for a very long time. But without it, Thomas could easily get hurt!

The same can be said for Janus and Remus, too. They initially come off as villainous, bad, and evil, despite their actual purpose and intentions, only because Thomas has perceived them and their roles in that way.

Logan cannot make mistakes because then he'll be seen as unreliable or wrong. He can't display emotions because then he'll be seen as emotional, compromised and unable to make unbiased decisions. He can't be seen as a joke or not taken seriously, because then Thomas' perception of him as a voice of reason, as someone with valuable knowledge, as someone he can always trust to tell him the truth...that will all be gone. It will warp Logan into something that he's not, so he has to maintain those rigid guidelines as much as absolutely possible to remain in his position.

Does this mean Logan really can have emotions? Can he enjoy silly activities or a good joke? Yes, of course he can.

But it needs to be kept separate from his role as Thomas' logic.

And this is where the issue arises. Because Thomas wants his sides to constantly act as their own characters, this puts a lot of spotlight on Logan even when he is in private. He can't be perceived at any time as someone Thomas can't trust or rely on, so his role as Logic invades the other part of his existence, too.

If a lawyer was stoic and formal even at home with their family, their family would probably find them odd, and the lawyer would probably feel stressed about being completely unable to ever unwind.

If a doctor could not show empathy even to their own children, relying only on facts, unable to comfort them because their coworkers could see their every move and they couldn't risk being seen as emotional for even a moment, the doctor would likely have a very stilted relationship with their kids, unable to connect with them in the way they want.

For Logan, he has to remain a reliable, unbiased, unfeeling Logic at all times because he is constantly being perceived as such.

Because it's all about who's watching and what's expected to be seen.

Logan wants to be more than his role as Logic, more than what is expected of him. But he knows the consequences of him trying to do so could harm Thomas in the long run, leaving him without a much-needed voice of reason.

So he's not going to let that happen, even if that means he has to hide away all the parts of 'Logan' that don't quite fit what Thomas expects of him.

Because Thomas needs him to be Logic a hell of a lot more than he needs him to be Logan.

[lichilly]

“I had all and then most of you

Some and now none of you.

Take me back to the night we met.”

— The Night We Met by Lord Huron

cw implied death, angst, OWWW OWWWIE OWWW

The day starts as usual.

The sun rises, birds chirping as you push open the balcony door to let the morning air in. Joseph steps out, a cigarette already between his fingers. You join him, two mugs of coffee in your hands. He takes one from you with a grateful smile, you both settle into the routine.

The day is beautiful. The suns warm embrace on your skin makes you want to linger there forever, soaking in her rays.

“What d’ya want for breakfast?” he asks, smoke curling lazily from his lips.

You ponder for a moment, imagining the taste of different dishes. “How about…pancakes?” you suggest, feeling your mouth water at the thought.

Joseph chuckles, stubbing out his cigarette and taking a final gulp of his coffee. “Pancakes it is then.”

You eat breakfast together at the table. Joseph flips through his script between bites, humming under his breath and glancing at the clock occasionally. A quiet sigh escapes him as he polishes off his plate.

He rises, placing his dirtied plate on the sink, setting his empty mug on top. He walks over to you, gently pushing your hair back and kissing your forehead.

“I gotta go. I’ll see you later, okay?”

You hum, cheeks warming from the kiss. “I’ll pick up stuff to make your favorite for dinner tonight. I know we haven’t had it in a while.”

His eyes light up, “Sounds like a plan.”

He heads towards the entryway, grabbing his jacket. He looks back at you, a smile still lingering on his lips.

“Don’t worry, filming shouldn’t take long today. I’ll be home before you know it.”

The butterflies in your stomach flutter with his words.

“Okay, I’ll see you later,” you reply, eyes droopy with morning grogginess and love.

The door clicks shut behind him, you watch a moment longer. Your eyes trace over the knob, down the mysterious crack in the wood, and watch his shadowy steps fade away. A sudden uneasiness creeps in, filling your gut with a syrupy ache. The butterflies no longer flutter, their wings cut, leaving you with a heavy feeling in their place.

You try to shake it off, but the feeling lingers, the knot in your stomach tightening with each tick of the clock. Hour after hour, minute after minute, you try to distract yourself with meaningless chores. You go grab things for dinner, the hustle and bustle of the store creating a dull hum over the pit in your stomach. A weak balm that doesn’t last the second you step through the apartment door again.

Night falls, groceries left forgotten on the counter. Seconds tick by painfully slow, each one a reminder of his absence. You can’t shake the feeling that something is terribly wrong.

Joseph doesn’t return that night, or any night after that.

[euryleli]

I don't know why but I tend to like byler fics more when they're from mike's point of view (or better yet - a dual pov with mike AND will)

Still, if I had to choose one? Mike all the way and I don't even know why

[kyouka-supremacy]

That fic from Akutagawa's pov that remarked how although Dazai had left a bomb under Chuuya's car, at least that showed he had thought about him before going, while he never cared enough to spare a thought for Akutagawa.

[box-dwelling]

Me fic planning: OK so this fic is at this point just going to go into the classic astarion and karlach go to save wyll from the hells if he dies pre pact being broken concept. I can work with that. Hmm he'll probably get tranformed into some kind of devil though. Gonna be a lot of angst there but this is gonna be an angst fic anyway and I can mine a bunch from it. I should check what kinda devil he'd be.

*one Google search later*

Hm, so he's going to be something called a Lemure. I should check what the lore is around those.

*opens my monster manual*

*closes my monster manual *

OK. So. I'm not doing that.

[whollyjoly]

alright we doing crazy predictions for 911 tonight??

here we fucking go:

tim nash isnt going to be bobby's brother, he's going to be bobby's dad in a flashback

hear me out-

john brotherton, who's listed as playing "tim nash" on the imdb page for step nine, is 15 years younger than peter krause. now, it could be that bobby just has a much younger brother. BUT, i think with that age (44) being peak Dad Age, it makes a whole lot more sense to me that its flashback!dad than brothers

the synopsis for 7x08 says that "bobby delves deep into memories of his childhood, unearthing moments from his fractured past" and like...if we're going to see memories of his childhood, again a 44 year-old playing "tim nash" makes a lot more sense for a dad!!

we've heard a bit about bobby being a third generation firefighter, and its something that he's very proud of. i think it would be really interesting not only to see his dad as a firefighter, but see that hero worship from bobby towards his dad, and his early love for the work and for saving people...especially in the context of dealing with the trauma of the apartment fire.

if bobby has always wanted to be a firefighter, watched his dad saving lives and heard stories of his grandfather doing the same, what would his young self think of the man who caused so much grief and pain, of the man that amir thinks he is, of the man who cost 148 lives?

maybe, just maybe, "step nine" isn't just making amends with amir, but making amends with his past self, the one who just wanted to help people, who he feels like he betrayed??

because i would LOVE to see that kind of angst - the reconciliation between the man bobby dreamed he would be and the man he is now.

and like....thats not even approaching the question of bobby's "fractured past" that the synopsis talks about, which i have...so many questions about

we know basically nothing about his family - what if bobby's dad also struggled with addiction? or had something happen at work that also cost lives, and young bobby was never able to forgive him for that? maybe bobby sees the anger amir holds towards him, and realizes that he still holds something like that towards his own father?

bobby has talked about a brother before, but i think the only time that he's mentioned it was in a story about playing "lawn darts when they were kids". maybe something happened to his brother, and he's held his father responsible for all these years? in the same way amir holds bobby responsible?

i have!! no idea!!!

i dont exactly know what they're going to throw at us (shakes fist at tim affectionately), but i think that with where this season has been going - focusing on the cornerstones of our main characters, of the things that run the deepest and are haunting the narrative (eddie's catholic guilt, buck's bisexuality, chim's journey and love for his family, doug, kevin, shannon) - it would make sense for us to take a look into bobby's childhood, something we basically no nothing about.

and with that, i truly think that "tim nash" as bobby's dad makes a lot more sense than it being his brother, and that's who we're going to see in flashbacks tonight.

but, whatever happens, i cannot WAIT to see where the angst train takes us! ✨

(bonus, since im thinking about that sweet bobby angst: do you ever think about whether bobby feels a deep sense of failure and guilt that, because of him, there will never be a 4th generation firefighter in his family? do you think the first time bobby told his dad he wanted to be a firefighter when he was a kid, his dad looked both so proud but also so worried? and when asked about it his dad just said "you'll understand when your kid says the same to you"? and that bobby realizes he will never understand because he took that chance away from them?

...cause yeah, i think about that sometimes)

[myownpersonalstar]

amangela shakespeare play au

I have so many thoughts and ideas......

[fruityumbrella]

never shut up about this but its my blog so whatever but i think the main THING w siyt is i was using it as an exercise to stop being so like. uncomfortable and unnecessary-morality about...i dont even know how to explain it just like, the kind of Need for having clean relationships and "if you Really loved someone you wouldn't do X or Y" which is really just. such a narrow and unrealistic standard, and i want to explore more authentic messy relationships, except then people read the fic and essentially felt like zoro was Cheating and Toxic when its so not remotely the case. like ok man get well soon i cant help you here. guy finds out the person hes half in love with and thought he was dating sees him as just a hookup, yeah no shit hes gonna go out and distract himself and find comfort elsewhere. hes not EVIL for that hes just 22 or whatever 😭. i think maybe youre the strange one for thinking this makes him unlovable. but whatever

[katiefrog217]

I might be in the middle of work but I'm compelled to inform all of you that I'm currently 7 (written) pages deep of a post Season 2 fic I had an idea for.

Oh yes

I'm taking you all down with me :)