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dawnoftime22 · 5 months

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"...because it feels like it will."

| W.M ( -> N.R )

Undeserving of a Love Like Yours, Chapter 4

Chapter Warnings: Staying underwater in a bathtub for a couple seconds, relationship problems, avoidance, distancing, alcohol, getting drunk.

Summary: Everything in your world starts to fall apart.

Series Summary: When you're stuck in a complete hole of confusion and hurt with the one you thought you loved most, a certain redhead finds her way into your life.

Word Count: 5.1k

Category: Angst. Full on aaaaangst.

A/N: this was...a lot. and unlike anything I've written before, but hooooo! I love how it turned out. I was a little late, but I hope you enjoy it <3

| Started on 19/01/2024, 2:28 PM |

| Finished on 05/02/2024, 8:18 PM |

Masterlist | Series Masterlist | N.R Masterlist

<- Chapter 3 Chapter 5 ->

"When did your heart stop beating as it once used to for me?"

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Light broke through the window, dawn visiting the sky with the sun. The bed was empty of either of your bodies. Dust could be seen floating around in the sunlight that came in the room.

You were up and about, already having finished showering and wearing your clothes. Wanda on the other hand, had gotten out the house even before you awoke.

Your feet takes you to the kitchen, the dim lighting adding nothing but only sleepiness to your still low energy. Even though you got your rest and showered.

You open the pantry to grab two slices of bread, to then put in the toaster after making sure the timer was set right. The watch on your wrist tells that it was 7:43 AM. You still had time.

As you waited for your bread to toast, you went to make a drink in your mug. Your thoughts drift to the brunette as you do so, not being able to help it.

Wanda had slowly started to not be present. You could say it's work, you could say she's busy or tired, but it was starting to be unavoidable to think about.

With you starting up work again, it being a weekday once more, you weren't sure if you were glad or not. It'll either be a distraction to not thinking about her at all, or more time alone to yourself to only be thinking about her.

A sigh leaves your mouth and you gently shake your head, trying to rid the endless thoughts in your head. Your hands cup the freshly made drink held within the warm mug, letting it sit on the cold marble counters.

Soon enough, your bread pops up from the toaster, and it was nearly perfect aside from the slightly lesser toasted parts. You probably need a new toaster.

Not caring much about it though, you grab a plate and place it on there, making your sandwiches easily for a morning breakfast. The minutes were going by a little quicker with every second you spent eating, and honestly, time was starting to look like its going against you today.

After you rush to finish the last few bites and put the plate in the sink along with your now empty mug, you go to the front door, phone and keys already in your pockets.

The drive to your workplace was a blur, your eyes were focused on the roads and your mind was preoccupied with the thoughts of everything and nothing as you tried to distract yourself with music.

You arrived soon enough and walk through the building, passing by co-workers, and many other people you didn't take mind to put a name to or even know.

Your work was pretty boring, sitting down at a desk with a plastic chair-- Yes, plastic, as there weren't any that were comfortable around the building except for the one in the boss's office.

The only thing that wasn't boring with it was being able to fiddle around with some spotlights and having fun with the colors. Your fingers move around the control board as you set everything up.

As time went by, you finished it up and let the lights do whatever you set them to do. Now, you had a choice to either sit and do something else, or do paperwork.

Although that sounded awful, you went to work on them instead, not wanting to be sore from sitting in the same position for the next few hours on your chair watching whatever show you downloaded on your phone while working on the lights.

The time went by, and you finished up most of it all, until lunch came by and it was time to get a break. You get up from your chair and leave the pen you were holding in your hand to lay upon the papers, going off in search for some food.

You made sure your phone was still in your pocket as you made your way out, your car still waiting for you outside. But, seeing as the place was close, you could just walk there. The sun shone down on you, the heat obvious both from your body warming up, and the bright yellow sunlight across the concrete sidewalk and other buildings.

After you went in the nearby café, you started cooling down a bit, the ac within it easily helping you out. The place was starting to get packed, but you've always had a small little corner you're able to keep for yourself every lunch break.

You go up to the front counter, ordering a few things before you went to the empty table. Your order number was a bit far, but you didn't mind it as you stared out the window. Lucky the sun didn't filter in through the glass here, seeing as it was behind the building.

Your mind then drifted off, stuck on a certain thought ever since you saw the clock strike lunch time. You bit down on your bottom lip and your hand reached in your pocket to grab your phone.

As your fingers unlock it and go through the apps to then scroll in your contacts list, your mind reeled with every possible thing that could happen. You probably shouldn't. You know you shouldn't. But it's worth a try.

Your thumb hovers over her name for a short while, but you give in and tap on the contact, giving in. It switches to calling mode, and you put your phone to your ear, anticipation making your heart beat faster.

The dialing tone keeps sounding out, and you were starting to regret it, but hope lead on with every beep. You hoped it doesn't go to voicemail. And it doesn't.

"Hello?" Her voice comes through the phone clearly, and you let go of a breath you've been holding quietly, looking out the window, so your eyes don't just focus on the plain table. You gather your thoughts, turning them into words.

"Hey. Um, you have lunchtime free, right?" You ask, your eyes moving to the orders list. Your number was going up, but you had enough time to keep talking with her.

"I do...Why?" She asks, as if skeptical of something. Had she forgotten about lunch break? You didn't let the curious thought linger and instead fiddle with the paper in your hand of your order number.

"I was just...wondering, because I do, and well, do you wanna have lunch together?" You say casually, expecting a denial with the many times she has before.

"Sure. Sure, that sounds good." She says, and you raise your eyebrows in surprise. But your heart jumps at the agreement.

"Okay. I'll maybe..." You pause for a second, looking down at the time on your watch. It showed 1:15 PM. "...see you at 1:20 PM?"

"I can be there by 1:30 PM." Her voice elongates some words, probably also checking her own watch as she said it. You smile, happy with her answer nonetheless.

"Okay. See you here." You say quietly, trying your best to keep your cool, like anyone else in the café. Although, they're probably pretty calm at the moment and not getting excited about something.

"See you." She didn't say anything else, and all you heard after was an end call tone. You pull your phone away from your ear, and right when you do, you notice the order list moving to your number.

You stood up, and went to grab it, thanking the cashier. When you sat back, you took a sip of your drink, but nothing more, thinking of waiting for Wanda.

As you waited, and waited, checking the time, your meal was starting to get cold and you were getting hungry. You took a couple bites here and there, enjoying your lunch.

Soon enough it was now getting to 2:20 PM. Your lunch break was ending soon, and you finished up the last of it, but not with someone you were hoping to spend it with. You check your phone again, in case you had somehow missed something even with the past few minutes you looked.

hey, are you coming?

if you have to cancel that's okay, just say it

Sent at 2:00 PM.

Wanda?

Sent at 2:14 PM.

No reply. Your hope was running short, and the café was starting to empty out. You take another look at the empty seat in front of you, then to the window's view of the roads outside. There was no sign of the brunette you much so keep precious.

You sigh, and get up, holding your phone tightly in your hands before storing it back in your pocket. It wasn't much. She was starting to deny spending lunchtime with you, and today was the first in a while she accepted. But it's worse when you find some hope and it escapes from your hands.

You put on your headphones, playing some music as you walked back, knowing the rest of the day you had to just finish up work. Hours and hours passed by and you had to stretch so you wouldn't get sore. But you made it through the end. You always do. The sun was setting as you collected your stuff and exited the building, going to your car.

You soon enough get home, having driven on auto-pilot, which was quite dangerous, but you've made it back unscathed. Or, well, physically. Mentally? You weren't doing so well.

The lock of the front door clicks with the movement of your hands, that then glide off to let your legs be free of your shoes. The place was quiet. A usual greeting whenever you'd come home, but it's gotten quieter, an in between from that horrid silence and just the atmospheric quietness. A void that seemed to swallow you up whole within your mind, replacing the silence.

You sigh heavily, walking to the bedroom. Nothing else was in your mind to do but just to take a shower. Although with how draining a shower in of itself sounded to be, you had decided with another version; the bath.

Your bag and jacket was taken off and thrown gently on the bed as you went to search for some comfortable clothes in the closet. Shirt, another shirt, jacket...Wanda's jacket, hoodie, collared shirt, and then your hand lands on a comfy oversized shirt you'd wear at home.

Sweatpants was swiped off from another part of the closet and put on the bed, ready for you get into after you were done. You go into the bathroom, closing the door behind you and locking it, even though no one else was in the house. Habit, you supposed. Plus, safety.

You turn on the faucet at the bathtub, letting the water run hastily down. You made sure the drain hole was closed and the temperature was just right before turning it off, peeling off your clothes to then carefully climb in the tub.

The warm water eased your tense muscles, the gentle small ripples visiting your skin as you moved to get comfortable. The bathtub was cold as you placed your hands on the sides, a big range in the temperature difference with the water.

Sounds of water tapping from the sink or showerhead every now and then echoes, reverberating off the walls. It was nice. Something to keep you company here and there even if your mind was hazy with thoughts.

Your eyes focus on a part of the wall somewhere in the bathroom, spacing off. You try not to do it for too long, knowing you'll only dig yourself a digger hole with thinking. Slowly, you take a deep breath in and sink into the bathtub, holding your breath in the water while bubbles went to surface.

You can feel the pressure heavy on your head. The water devouring you as you stayed down. After a few seconds though, you pull yourself back up, letting air flow back into your lungs and wiping your hair off your face.

It made you feel more alive, oddly enough, for something that's dangerous. Rather concerning if you thought about it more, but you brush it off and started to do more things, such as cleaning yourself off with some soap, the familiar scent filling the bathroom and making your exhausted soul relax just for a while.

Soon enough, you get out and dry yourself up, making sure the bathtub was drained of any water too. The cold air that visits you when you step out the bathroom, although even with a towel wrapped around your body, still stings your skin.

Your legs take you over to the bed, your hands moving on their own as you wore your clothes, the fabric covering your body and warming you right up easily.

Once you got done, you were right about to drop onto the bed, but then you look around the empty room. You end up staring at the flowers you got her in the corner of the room, sitting atop her desk. You clench your jaw slightly, and walk over to it. But you didn't do anything, really. Only your hand went up to gently touch the soft petals. You take in a deep breath before letting it go, your hand going into a fist as you let out your breath.

You turn away from it and walk back to the bed, shaking your head at your own movements and thoughts. You sat on the bed, the sheets soft on your hand. You then slowly drop down to lay your back against the mattress, your eyes looking up at the blank ceiling while your legs dangles off the edge of the bed.

With the seconds that go by, just as you were about to finally move to the pillows and lay comfortably, your phone dings with a notification. Your heart skipped a beat, and you freeze, a dreading feeling overcoming you.

You think it over and hesitate, not wanting to feel any worse, but having a gnawing feeling to check. But then you prop yourself up with your hands and grab your phone, the screen lighting up with your lockscreen as you clicked the power button.

The time shows up and a few other notifications, but one thing stood out to you most. A message. By who? Well, of course the one that's been on your mind for all of today. Your heartrate speeds up and you read the message.

Hey, sorry, I forgot to tell you I couldn't make it.

I'll try to make it home before you sleep though. Love you.

Sent at 7:34 PM.

Your eyes falter with any spark of hope you had left, and you click the power button once more, turning your phone off and slightly dropping it on the bed, it making a soft thump against the soft mattress. Your phone was fine and safe with the drop, but your heart surely wasn't.

Your throat swells up, and you hold your tongue against your teeth, trying everything within you not to let it get to you, but you slide off the bed and go to sit on the floor, your back resting against the side of the bed now.

A sniffle comes from you and your eyes well up with tears. You didn't want to cry. But with everything-- your lungs do a sharp intake of breath, and you squeeze your eyes shut, pulling your legs up to your chest and hugging your legs with your arms.

Your tears soon leak from your eyes, down to your cheeks and sobs left your mouth. God, of course you were crying. It was just a small thing. Or well, that's what your mind wants you to think. She's never left you waiting just like that.

A few more couple of minutes went by, with you letting out your built up feelings until you calm down a little more. You wipe away the mixed tears that were both from your nose and your eyes, both the skin of your hand and your arm filled with it.

They dried off though as you pulled yourself up off the floor and got back on the bed, your teeth capturing your bottom lip. So many muscles working to keep yourself moving, even though they got a rest in the bathtub, they were kept going even after.

But now, you relax a bit, shuffling to lay your head on the pillow. It was cold, so you go to grab the covers first and pull it over you. You curl up under them, your nose red from the crying. But your body got to rest as your once heavy breaths went softer with every minute.

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The next day you once more awoke to empty sheets. Again and again. You were starting to question what exactly was happening, because it all seemed to be something rather than just your mind playing tricks on you.

Nothing much happened in the day. You worked at home, doing stuff on your laptop. Once you were done, you laid around relaxing while all at the same time being anxious. While the sun went down, the skies got cloudy, and just as the moon started to glow brightly, rain starts pouring down.

It was getting cozy, with the dim lighting. You watched a show on the tv, but wasn't really waiting on much, just scared of what you'll have to soon face.

As an hour or two go by with you sitting on the couch, you start to get sleepy, your eyes heavy. But right as you shut off the tv and was about to get up, you hear keys clinking near the front door.

You kept your place on the couch, your eyes keeping watch of it, but when you hear a struggle with the keys going in and not unlocking, you stand up, going to go open it for her.

You turn the lock and open it, behind it revealing Wanda who had seemed like she just got up from crouching to grab her keys.

"Hi." She says with a small laugh, smiling sheepishly as she held her keys between her fingers, showing them to you. "Slippery hands."

You didn't react much, only your lips moved to form a straight line as you stepped aside to let her in. She goes in and kicks off her shoes while you closed the door behind her, locking it.

As Wanda went to take off her jacket too, you walk more to her front, your mind only focused on what had happened yesterday.

"You didn't show up yesterday," you say in a whisper, the words coming out of your mouth without much thought. She turns her head to look at you, her mouth open slightly as she took in a breath in surprise but as if moving to say something.

"I got caught up in doing stuff and I...forgot." She puts her keys in her pockets, turning fully to you. That was when she saw your face, how different you seemed than the soft look you'd usually look at her with.

"We had lunch break, Wands." The nickname slipped from your mouth easily, especially in the situation of the confrontation. Your voice was gentle, but stern, and full of emotion.

"I know, but so much is going on and..." she trails off as she looks away from you, and you had hoped she'll go on, but instead she purses her lips and her eyes travel back to you, a breath of a sigh leaving her mouth.

"Come on, it's going to be New Year's soon." Your eyes widen a bit at the mention, having forgotten it was going to be the start of a new year from the weeks you've been lost in. She puts her hands up as if to gesture before she reaches in a bag she had brought home, grabbing something.

"I got us wine." She pulls out the bottle of wine, a small smile playing on her lips as she raises her eyebrows. Surprise was on your face before you furrow your eyebrows, seeing where she was going with this.

"Right...but we should really talk." You say, your eyes following her movement as she walked off to the kitchen, grabbing some wine glasses and popping open the wine.

"Soon, Y/N," she said sternly herself, focused on pouring the drink down in the glasses as you made your way to where she stood near the kitchen island.

"Now, are we going to party or are you going to ruin it?" She finishes up, grabbing a glass full and holding it out for you, her face obvious with expecting you to go with the first choice.

Your eyes flicker from her and the glass, before lingering on the glass. A breath leaves your body through your nose gently and your hand impulsively reaches up to grab it. It was a moment of weakness and you took it.

She smiles and hums, grabbing her own glass and taking a sip. You too, although you took a bit more than she did. The liquid easily ran down your throat, although burning slightly.

"You know what I think we should do?" She sounded out, her eyes looking towards the watch, counting down the hours until New Year's came around. You follow her gaze, and there was around two hours left.

You hum in question, looking back at her. She smiled wider and goes to the drawers nearby, opening one. You gazed curiously at her, wondering what exactly she was up to.

"We should play some Uno." She holds up the box that held the cards, and your eyebrows rose, but finally your lips raise up too slightly.

She goes over to the living room, sitting down on the couch and setting up the cards. You follow behind her, sitting on the bean bag nearby the couch as you wait for your set of cards.

The two of you start the game, it starting off slow until it moved to a few Unos and fails. You had one too many reds now, and really you were starting to hate the color.

She calls out Uno, and you had two cards left. You hoped she didn't have a yellow, seeing as she's been going with your last few reds and blues, but not a yellow.

As it was her turn, she cheers and whoops, throwing her last card onto the pile of uno cards you two played. It was a wild card.

"I won!!" She says, putting her hands in the air, and you had your mouth open in shock, looking at her with an unbelievable expression.

"That's not fair! You're using a wild card." You put your hand out, gesturing towards it. Sure you've seen this strategy before, and even used it yourself, but it definitely frustrated you most times.

"It is fair!" She laughs, drinking more from her glass and finishing the last drop of wine in it, leaving it back on the coffee table next to the stack of cards.

"Nope!" You say, grabbing the pile of Uno cards and gathering them, putting them together properly once more for another match.

"Is!" She exclaims with a smile and a tilt of her head, watching you shuffle the cards when you got them all.

Soon after a couple more rounds, and a couple more wine refills, the two of you get drunker as time inched to New Year's, your happiness only there because the alcohol riled you up.

"How'd we end up on the floor, anyway?" She asks, laughing, and her words slurring as you had your feet in her lap, your back laid on the floor while hers was against the couch.

"Because we are extremely drunk. That's how." You say through a giggle, putting up your index finger as if to make a point.

You moved to sit up and shuffle to sit beside her instead of laying down, her gaze focused on the time. You smile, looking at her lovestruck, although drunk. You then whisper, "I love you."

But she only went with, "Andddd...Happy New Year's!!" She puts her hands up and turns to you, going in to kiss you on your lips. Your eyebrows raise in surprise, but you take it.

That was how that night turned out. You both went on, and danced, and did other things until you fell asleep. The morning was ruined with a horrid hangover, but you managed, somehow. Wanda just spent her day by going with sleeping longer.

And then, in the span of months, the relationship you built so carefully with love and passion, through four months, started to fall down. All along with your heart. Slowly. Oh, so slowly.

You started to only see her in the middle of the nights, whenever the bed dips and you wake up just slightly. Most times she wouldn't even bother to go close to you and pull you close. Just keeping her distance.

On some random day, you decide to break and pick up your phone, being unable to deal with any of it anymore.

You go through the grueling process of going to your contacts and searching her up once more, your fingers not hesitating to tap on the call button.

And as you wait, you hear the calling noise sound out. That sickening. Call tone. But after just a few more, she picks up.

"Hello?" She says, and you could hear a bit of her sokovian accent coming out. Your eyebrows furrowed slightly in confusion. She only did that when she was angry or something, but you went on with your plan.

"Wanda, we need to talk." You say, although slightly calmly, you were certainly trying your best to keep yourself grounded than splutter out all the words and questions in your head.

"Yeah?" She says in a breath, and you can hear something in the background. You assume she dropped something, because it sounded like clutter.

"Why are you being so distant lately?" You slowly ask, and she went silent. It left you sitting in your thoughts as to what exactly she was doing on the other side of the call.

Probably thinking about her next words. Probably 'busy with work,' probably this, probably that. Then you hear her take in a breath.

"...I think we need to take a break." She says suddenly. You were expecting it. Not that sentence, and certainly not that straightforward. You were expecting her to say, 'We need to break up.' But your mouth would be open slightly either way.

This was happening on a phone call. Of all the times you could be together, and she decides to do it over the phone. Sure, you rang her up, but it was to go in the direction of communication, not to do something a little extreme.

"What? Wanda, what we need least of all is a break. Honestly, we need more time together than less." You say in disbelief and scoff, knowing you had spent less time than you ever had the start of last year.

"Communication. We need that. Please, we've been through this before." Your voice came out more gently, and a little shakily, your thoughts having gone to the past but not lingering.

"I tried spending time with you. It's just...I don't know, Y/N." She said in frustration, and your eyes roll slightly then move around the room, looking at every furniture here as you tried to make sense of the situation and find more words to say to her.

"What do you mean, you 'don't know'??" You question. She was either just as confused of her emotions or feelings just as you were or, she was holding something back.

"I love you, you know that. But I...don't think we can work right now." She said urgently at first before transitioning to a slower pace in her talking. Your eyes well up with tears, and it took everything in you not to straight up hang up the phone. You had to deal with this even through the tears while talking to her. You took a deep breath.

"Talk, Wanda." You say, and she goes quiet once more. This time, perhaps out of guilt. The silence was deafening, and you had nothing to focus on except for the hardwood flooring and the carpet.

"I...think I'm falling out of love with you." At that, your heart drops. Her voice was shaky too, and full of emotions. Way more than you've ever heard for the past few days.

"What...?" The word comes out in a breath from your mouth. It didn't feel real. This didn't feel real. Your heart didn't even feel like it was beating anymore. Was this one of your nightmares? Well, it's a real one, that's for sure, with the texture of the couch felt against the skin of your hands.

"I don't wanna fight with you and...you're making no sense." You look up and sniffle, trying your best not to let yourself cry while still on the call. Wanda was silent.

"But okay. If that's what you really want." You nod continuiously, your voice obvious in sounding like you're about to tear up. And you were.

"I'll see you later, Y/N." She said. You didn't even get the chance to hang up, the ending tone sounding out and echoing. The silence wasn't a welcome back at all. A welcome to hell? Maybe.

You sat with your shoulders slumping, processing what had just happened, and you finally break, crying once again.

The rest of the day was filled with dread and like your heart was getting beat and shattered to a million peaces. You had retreated to the comfort of your bed, laying in it and letting your tears stain the pillow you laid your head on.

You slept all alone.

But you'd do it over and over again for her. Just because you believed it'll pass with time. Just because...you didn't want to let go yet. Just a little longer.

You only saw her once in december. And it wasn't even really december anymore, it was new year's day. Plans that started every now and then, though rare, was getting cancelled.

She seemed like she was getting sick to her stomach every time she met you face to face once more. Either that or your mind was tricking you.

Your body subconsciously moved every now and then, searching for the warmth of another body next to you, but there wasn't one, and your body had found your own warmth by curling up instead.

end of chapter 4. </3

Series Masterlist <- Chapter 3 Chapter 5 ->

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spideesenses · 1 year

Text

Half a Heart → Miguel O’Hara

pairing: miguel x gn!reader

warnings: angsty

prompt: miguel has a difficult time balancing out work and his personal life; you have received the short end of the stick countless of times.

Midnight rolled around & the empty spot next to you remains cold. Your heavy heart aches. You tried not to cry, but once that pinch in your chest comes to light, you can’t help the knot that gets stuck in your throat.

This was the 12th time this month that Miguel had left you hanging without any form of communication. 12th time the two of you had planned for a date & him not show up. You understood that he ran a business, you weren’t entirely sure what the business was, only that you would be safer if you didn’t know & to trust Miguel. Him not showing up was only a portion of the issue… the other part was him not communicating. Would you still be a little disappointed if he did communicate? Yes, of course, anyone would be if plans fell through last minute. But you wouldn’t have to hold onto this sliver of hope that just maybe… he’d make it this time.

You started thinking about how he hardly texted you as it was. You weren’t exactly the clingy type. You could be at times, but as a full-time worker, you understood that obligations come up. To make sure you weren’t crazy, you pulled out your phone. You scrolled, making note of the conversations that you had & all of them, were conversations that you initiated.

Two weeks ago

You — 6:56 AM good morning love, i hope you have a great day today. i miss you so much. i’m off at 5 today. any chance we can order takeout and have a movie night?💕

Miggy Smalls — 7:12 AM Buenos dias mi vida. I should be good for a date night, only I’ll be home at around 9 the latest. That okay with you? Be safe, i miss you xo💋

You — 7:15 AM sounds good. should i order from that thai place up the street?

You — 5:20 PM miguel?

You — 6:01 PM i ordered your favorite. should be here in 2 hours and a half. let me know when you’re on the way home. stay safe

You — 8:10 PM oh! i saw this and it reminded me of you. thought you might have a laugh [attachment]

You — 9:32 PM hey, you on the way? im throwing your food in the microwave so it’s warm when you get here!

You — 11:24 PM haven’t heard from you. hope you’re okay. food’s in the fridge🥺

Miggy Smalls — 2:12 AM Dios mios, lo siento baby. I’ll make it up to you, I promise

Two weeks ago

You — 9:44 AM hi! thinking of you. i miss you😭 little bit extra today.

Miggy Smalls - 10 AM Does my baby need a hug delivered? I’ll stop by with some lunch too.

You — 10:03 AM oh please! and a kiss too, while you’re at it🥺

Miggy Smalls — 11:45 AM Omw baby. Hang tight

You — 2:12 PM thank you for coming to see me today. it was very special to me & meant a lot. i love you

Miggy Smalls — 3:54 PM I love you baby. Of course. Sorry it’s been a while since we’ve spent time together, work can be unpredictable at times

You — 4 PM all good. just try to talk to me more, so i can be understanding, okay?

It wasn’t all bad. Miguel had his moments where he would show up for some cuddles. He wouldn’t stay long, but those moments were sacred to you. You cherished those moments beyond his imagination. Of course you did, you had to with how rare they were.

Tears rolled down your face as you went through your messages. You missed him so much. More than words could fathom. And with every single fiber in your body, you wished that you could stop feeling this feeling. Missing him was painful. It felt like your body was operating without its heart. Like you were walking around with only one shoe.

It wasn’t always like this either. In the beginning, Miguel was the one texting and calling you first. He was showing up to your apartment with food and a movie, or a puzzle he picked up. Actually, one of your first quarrels was how he felt like you weren’t doing these things for him. And you felt like these were things he enjoyed, so you didn’t want to take it from him; so the resolution was you would take turns. But that Miguel feels like he’s millions of miles away, as if he’s a completely different person.

You tried your hardest to distract yourself, but the screaming red light of your digital clock reading 12:56 PM only mocked you. You couldn’t get the time of his day. Could you even consider this a relationship?

The memories slowly peeled away in your head. Good and bad. And you really began questioning if the good really could outweigh the bad.

A shadow drifts across your window, causing you to sit up, immediately wiping your face with the sleeve of Miguel’s hoodie. If an intruder was going to get you, you’d be damned if it were booger-faced crying.

Immediately, your heart starts to pound in your chest; if the intruder didn’t know any better, it’d almost be as if you were knocking at the window. You reached for your bedside lamp, clutching it at the base, raising your arm as the shadowed figure presses their fingers to push up the window. Without hesitating, you swipe the lamp at the unnamed stranger.

“Ow! Babe?” you hadn’t even realized your eyes were closed shut and turned to the side. You peeked your eyes and there he was in all of his glory.

“M-Miguel?” you sniffled. You couldn’t help it. You saw him and your heart tore. The weld in your throat tightened as you swallowed.

“Baby, it’s okay. It’s just me.”

Only it wasn’t.

#miguel o’hara #miguel o’hara x reader #miguel o’hara x you #alia writes

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floral-moon-light · 8 months

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QSMP Philza update, go watch the Wednesday the 25th and Friday 27th updates if you don't want to be spoiled.

Nothing really major happened Wensday, philza went exploring for a bit after getting on to see if there was more black concrete, which there was.

He then spawns in his Minime who he later names Little Twat (not a joke).

Then he spends an hour and a half with Fit and Tubbo talking to the new Cururucho AI at spawn, occasionally getting flirted at, told stuff that could not be true and such, and trying to exploit the AI.

They then went to lucky duck before returning to spawn because Tubbo needed to get his minime Kitkat back after it randomly disappeared. So a random fed. worker came, had Tubbo dance then Phil got board and decided to work on leveling his minime, leading him to dig down under spawn to tr and find iron I believe leading him to drop down into a massive wold edit hole. Cucurucho then joins Phil stares at the strange area before giving Phil a quest to build an aquarium.

Phil then went off to gather materials and mobs for the aquarium, was joined by Fit for a while before Fit leaves, after which Phil spends a few minutes exploring before returning to spawn near the nino to "build the aquarium," if you count an outdoor aquarium with 5 tanks and no other infrastructure. However it counted so Cucurucho have Phil his requested building block rainbow glass or at least the components for it. Phil then went to gather sand for the glass, spent time looking at glitched terain for an hour or so. After which he headed home, hat a none cannon chat with BadBoyHalo and Royer about whether the Brazil or Vagus trips were better, before Phil went off to do a few cores before getting off for the day at the nest.

Friday had some lore happen, but it was nothing major or egg related. If anything it related back to the bird cage with the "wise crow" comment.

To give a better flow of events, Phil woke up, decided to work on upgrading his now 2 mini me's, affectionately called Little Twat, and Little Shit (normally, I would censor a curse, but the name is the curse word so...). With Little Shot asking for a weird mushroom (twice.). After doing some of the Minime quests he went home, had an existential crisis due to the black concrete at his face spreading, then went inside to check the message chest, finding nothing. Then while doing further checks he found strange vines on the inside walls of Tallulah's seed garden, which he followed to the back wall to find a picture of a skull with vines on it and a book asking if Phil remembers his time before the server and promising help.

Side note, I personally want to say that that is Kristen, the goddess of death, trying to communicate with him. It seems to out of place to be the federation, and with how different Phil's ticket is from the rest it has to point to outside interference. And one of Kristen's main ways of talking with Phil previously when lore related back to his wife revolved around crows. So her leaving a critic crow book? Seems plausible.

Plus, sleep is often described as the line between life and death.

Phill took some pictures then called Fit to come see, with Pac joining along, only for when Phil brought them to the area of the message to find it gone like it was never there and all his proof gone. This sent Phil into a minor panic that he tried to brush off, even though booth Fit and Pac believed Phil had seen something.

To get his mind off that, Phil joined Pac and Fit's dungeon crawl, during which he lost his shield, before the group separated after completing the odd triple dungeon with Phil exploring a bit to find materially to replace his shield, followed by minime item collection, a brief dungeon raid, raiding egg backpacks to get the means to get a minime item (a type of mushroom), before he goes hole, does a brief check of stops the eggs loved, ended up back at the dream spot, before going home and getting off.

Also, on the 29th, two messages's appeared on the QSMP Twitter involving the 4th, one involves the train station, one seems to involve Cheyanne.

No clue what it means, other then something happening November 4th.

Good night all.

#qsmp philza #qsmp lore #qsmp #qsmp fitmc #qsmp tubbo #qsmp pac #qsmp mini me #qsmp cucurucho #The wise crow

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filled-with-fat · 2 years

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Working at McDonald’s

Hi, I’m Archie. I’m 14, I go to a state school in Leeds. I’m skinny, protruding bones, I get called a twink. But I want to be fat, I don’t want to be skinny, weight has never stuck, despite all efforts to get some pudgyness to me, it’s never worked. So tomorrow I start work at McDonald’s.

I got into my shift at 10:00, a 5 hour shift with a 50 minute lunch break. The reason why I chose McDonald’s over any other establishment is each day you get a £2.50 voucher to spend on THEIR food. You might be thinking this ain’t much, but £2.50 on McDonald’s food goes a long way, especially if you add £1 of your own money and spend it all on a meal deal, you can get a Big Mac, Large fries and drink, McFlurry and 2x Chocolate Bars all within budget, and a fat belly should come as free. I spent the whole 50 minutes lunch break eating, and the rest of the time was just boring work.

Slowly but surely, the fat piled on. After every shift my belly was round and full, overstretched by the food it was filled with. Gradually, my belly enlarged, it held more and more food every time I worked there, my belly wobbled a bit with fat, and my ass had swelled to 2 burst-worthy ballons. Soon, my stomach stretched out of size XS shirt I had been given, I was given an M, my backside swelled to a greater extent, I was given a size L in pants. My face got rounder and fuller and I looked red more often, schoolmates commented and joked with how fat I was getting, but I enjoyed it! I felt worthy, I felt like I had accomplished my innermost dreams, and I wasn’t going to stop there. I started working school days and stopped going to classes, I worked 7 hour shift so I got a 2 hour lunch break, which I would spend seated in the “staff only” area filling my belly with goodness. My stomach grew larger, it’s fat formed an overhang which rested on my widening lap, it pushed out of the M sized shirt I had been bestowed and edged towards the table I was eating at, my but cheeks were enviable: 2 swollen basket balls that wobbled as I walked, they had ripped the size L pants I had been given weeks ago, they were now nearly doing the same with the XL ones I was wearing, my face looked fatter and redder with ever, I was slowly becoming the epitome of a McDonald’s worker.

Obesity is kind of expected for McDonald’s workers, that’s the only reason I chose to work their, the free food on offer is some of the most calorific you can buy, and we eat it every day without fail. All of my colleagues, some merely students like me, are already hooked into an obese existence, we are the result of eating the food customers order daily, we’re fat. For me, it’s therefore such an erotic environment!! I started having lunch with a15 year old boy named Alfie. He dropped out of state school and works full time at McDonald’s, He’s about 5ft5, brown hair green eyes, stubby and fat boy, huge belly (twice the size of mine) with unproportionally small legs. Each day at lunch, we challenge each other to how much we can eat, so far he’s winning but I’m not to far behind. He tells me daily how fat my legs and arse are, he jokes with me that I need to go on a diet and that I need to go to a gym, He likes it when I say I just can’t stop eating whilst shoving a BigMac in my mouth and rubbing my belly, he gets turned on when I spill the ketchup all down my Size 2XL t-shirt, he specially likes to wipe it up trying to reach me from his seat across the table(his big belly stops him). He gets erect when I walk infront of him as my whopping ass wobbles behind me, some days he rubs it and shoves a finger through my swarmed cheeks. Me and Alfie shall feed each other until our stomach bursts.

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jungwnies · 1 year

Text

partners ✰ 2 it's your fault not mine.

masterlist | next

the car ride lasts for what seems like a lifetime as it goes down the highway. "where are we even going, this wasn't on my schedule." you say sighing, putting your phone between your thighs. "i'm starting to get a headache too, i haven't eaten since before the show." you continue to complain looking out the window.

"i already have a headache just sitting in this van besides you." jake jests continuing to scroll on your phone.

you roll your eyes and turn your head towards him, "are you sure it's me that's giving you a headache or is it the unhealthy amount of time you've spent scrolling through hate comments on twitter?"

jake puts his phone down, "if you opened your eyes a little wider you'd see that it's weverse, not twitter."

after a good 30 minutes of banter the van parks in front of a building, a big building. "where even are we?" the two of you ask in unison, quickly side-eyeing each other.

"you guys are going to be doing an escape room, maybe you guys will learn how to help each other in one of these." your manager says, turning his head to look at the two of you in the back. "we aren't legally allowed to lock you guys in these rooms, but if you don't work together you're getting your phones taken away until you guys air out your differences."

"there are differences to be aired out, he's just stupid and can't remember his lines." you objected.

jake looks at you and bites back, "how am i stupid? you don't even read your cue cards and just make things up along the way."

"at least i can improvise, whenever you forget your lines you stare at your cue cards for a good five minutes and completely forget the camera's are rolling." you scoff. "and i've seen your little annotations on the cue cards jake." you laugh, "stop pretending you have good grammar by fixing improper sentences when you can't even write complete sentences on your cue cards."

"they're annotations for a reason y/n, they don't have to be grammatically correct." jake argues back pulling his phone out, "plus, you've got to be a loser if everything you say is proper."

"yeah well, when you're putting your grammar on a pedestal then i would expect that you speak properly all the-" you begin before getting cut off by the managers.

"enough!" the managers shout, resulting in the two of you to shut up and sigh.

"you're going to go in there and help each other solve the damn game, and if you guys can't be civilized you already know the consequences, now go."

the two of you leave the van with nothing but resentment for each other and make your way inside as the workers greet you guys, leading the two of you to the escape room. "you guys will have 90 minutes to escape this room, and you have 5 hints available. if you do not escape within the allowed time frame we have been told to either allow you guys more time if you can bear it, or if you choose to leave and not complete the game you will be punished with no electronics indefinitely. good luck!" the worker says, quickly leaving the room after explaining the rules.

"i don't want to do this." you complain looking around the escape room. "but i also don't want to lose my phone because of you."

"how is this my fault, maybe if you were a little nicer to me this wouldn't have happened." jake argues walking around the room looking for clues.

"i was nice to you when i met you." you tell him, pushing on a button that opened the painting on the wall. "look, this opened."

"you really weren't nice though y/n." jake tells you, grabbing the envelope from the hole the painting revealed. "i know i mess up here and there, but calling me stupid is a little much don't you think?"

"i don't call you stupid just because of the cue cards." you mumble as you pull the key out of the envelope. "there's a keyhole over there."

"then what did i do to deserve this treatment?" jake asks, putting the key through the hole.

"for starters, when we first started mc-ing i would try to start conversations with you before the stage and you would completely ignore me. secondly, you spilled coffee on my shirt before the stage started and didn't even apologize. lastly, whenever the stage ends you just walk away without saying anything." you tell him as the door opens into another locked room.

"i don't have the energy to make small talk all the time." jake says observing the room once again.

"you can't even bring yourself to apologize, pathetic." you hiss. "get your head out of your ass jake, you're the problem here, not me."

word count: 822 thanks for reading! ♡

taglist: @whois-alexis , @hanienie , @reikofruitloops , @baldi-2 , @yelleloww , @aetzensvct , @moonshoon , @kimipxl , @shinsou-rii , @giraffeass , @ghostiiess , @ohbeomgyu [open - bolded could not be tagged]

2022 © jungwnies

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faghubby · 1 year

Text

The affair

"Get the fuck out" Dana screamed. Throwing some of my clothes at me. She had found out that I had an affair last week while she was on a work trip. It was a one time thing I had met this woman in a bar. I had not planned anything. I didn't realize one of her co workers was also at the bar. He had not only told Dana but had taken pictures. I didn't know what to do so I grabbed some of my clothes and left.

I tried to apologize several times over the next two weeks but she wouldn't even talk to me. I had started to except that maybe it was truly over when she called.

"Paul, I think you should come over 10 am Saturday morning. We need to talk" she said coldly.

"Of course" I started then she hung up.

I arrived early. It was 9:30 when I pulled in the driveway. I noticed her sister's car. Tina was not my biggest fan, so I expected a tag team. I rang the bell.

"You will have to wait" Tina said over the ring camera. I stood there for about 5 minutes then tried my key. It didn't work.

"I said wait" came over the speaker. I tried to respond but nothing. I went and sat in my truck not wanting the neighbors to wonder why I stood on the porch. The porch light came on two minutes before 10 and I went and rang the bell again. Dana answered she looked amazing her hair and makeup done, not at all what she usually looked like on a Saturday morning.

"You couldn't even wait ?" She scolded.

"The neighbors will ask questions, seeing me standing on the porch" I recorded

"Watch that tone" she shot back.

"I am sorry Dana" I responded and followed her to the kitchen. I looked around but no Tina.

"I was thinking, I don't want to throw this all away" Dana started

"That's great! I interrupted "I really just" I continued

"Shut up!' She yelled "and listen" I was stunned but fell quiet.

"I don't feel I can't trust you" she stated I went to answer but her look told me to listen quietly.

"I have a condition" she handed me a small satin pouch. I opened it and dumped the strange devise in my hand. I looked at her confused.

"It's a chastity devise, it will allow me to lock it on your." She motioned to my crotch. "And I will hold the key, so when you are not with me you can't do things" she said. I was stunned I had never heard of such a thing.

"Okay, anything you need, till I can rebuild your trust" I stated.

"Really?" She smiled.

"Yes" I told her. "I love you, whatever we need to do to fix our marriage" I said confidentiality

"Once it goes on, if you have me take it off, we are done. I file for divorce" she reinforced this. I agreed.

"Drop your pants" she said flatly. Right there in the kitchen I dropped my pants and boxes. She knelt before me. I got hard immediately.

"You can take care of that yourself quickly, or I can just use some ice" she said plainly I wasn't going to jerk off in front of her like that so she grabbed some ice and I shrank back down. She fiddled with the devise trying different things. But after a few minutes she stood. I looked down at this steel cage that my dick was now locked in.

I pulled my pants back up.

"Now why don't you take care of the lawn." She stated I realized she had let the lawn go to hell. I spent the afternoon mowing and trimming I was very aware of the extra weight of the cage as I did. When I came in to get a beer from the fridge. Tina was sitting at the kitchen table as Dana was cooking.

"Shoes" Dana yelled. When she saw I dragged in a little grass.

"Sorry, I just was going to grab a beer" I tried to explain.

"There is none, see drinking makes you forget you are married" Dana stated handing me a bottle of water.

"And don't be dragging anymore dirt in the house or you will be the one cleaning it up" she said sternly I was embarrassed to be spoken to with Tina present. But didn't want to start a fight

"Sorry, I will be more cautious" I said and went outside to finish. About an hour later Dana and Tina came outside.

"Paul, Tina is leaving" Dana called out signing me to come over to them.

"Say your goodbyes " she told me like I was a child. Again not wanting a fight.

"Goodbye Tina, good to see you. Drive safe" I told her. Tina then ctepped close and hugged me.

"You had better behave" she whispered in my ear then hugged Dana. And left.

"I expect you to be on your best behavior whenever my family or friends are around. No more side comments or rude remarks" Dana told me then went back inside. I could pretend to like her family I guess. I thought as I finished the lawn. I came back inside and took off my shoes and went to shower. I examined the cage while I showered and realized it wasn't coming off without a key. It fit snug and pulled at the hairs.

I was getting dressed when Dana walked in

"You left your clothes on the floor, grass all over the bench by the back door. And got pee all over the place" she stated.

"I can't pee straight with this" I stated.

"Then you will have to learn to sit" she retorted. I finished getting dressed she folooked me to make sure I picked up my clothes. She handed me gloves and a scrub brush to clean the toilet inside and out. I cleaned up the floor as well. She then had me vacuum the mudroom. I had taken off my shoes and gotten grass everywhere. We had dinner I noticed she had wine. But I couldn't have a beer.

"Since I cooked" she smiled. I knew what she wanted I got up and cleared the table and washed the dishes. After which I joined her in the living room. She was watching a romantic comedy. I went to go out to the garage.

"Watch this with me" she said patting the chair. She cuddled up to me. When it was over she promptly started time for bed. Turning off the lights I thought maybe I could get a little love. And followed her to bed. I slept in only my boxers so after brushing my teeth I slid into bed. Dana was in the bathroom for a good 30 minutes before she came out scrbed and wearing a satin nightie that just barely covered her perfect ass. As soon as she got in bed I made a move.

"What are you going to do, she asked grabbing my cage. As I got aroused it backed very tight and uncomfortable.

"Why don't you try and make it up to me. You could make me cum and go without?" She suggested. I smiled I would make her so happy she will unlock me. I slid under the covers and pulled her panties off. I drove her to two orgasms with my tounge. After

"Is it uncomfortable?" She asked looking at my dick straining against the steel cage.

"Not too bad" trying to play it cool. "But it does pull at the hair" I told her.

"Well you could shave it in the morning" she suggested and rolled over and quickly fell asleep. I tossed and turned waking up several times straining against the cage. In the morning Dana unlocked it and helped me use a beard trimmer to cut all the hair very short. She then jerked me off quickly before locking the cage back on. We spent the day together. She took me shopping, I was annoyed but kept my mouth shut and just dutifully followed her around the stores. For the next two weeks things seemed to follow this sort of pattern.i did what she asked without fail. She kept me locked she did have me service her again. But I got no relief. The longer it went the more restless my sleep.

"Dana, I need to shave again" I stated one morning.

"Maybe we should really shave it" she suggested she unlocked me and I got hard instantly she ignored it and lathered me with shaving cream and shaved all my hair off. She thought it looked wierd so she shaved my ass thighs and stomach as well.

"That's better" she told me. She turned on the shower cold and my hardon vanished she quickly locked me back up.

"How long do you" I asked meekly.

"I have that trip next week, so if you continue your good behavior maybe when I get back" she teased but giving me hope.

"Tina is coming over today" she stated. As she left me to get dressed. I opened my underwear drawer to find all my boxers gone. Replaced with several soft jockstrap or sexy satin bikini briefs.

"Dana, what are these?" I asked holding up a pale blue jock strap looking thing that left my ass exposed.

"Aren't they cute?" She said with a bit of a worried look.

"Yah, I guess just not what I am used to" I said not wanting to upset her. I didn't say another word and wore them under my shorts. I was working in the yard when Tina pulled in she was practically hysterical when she ran in the house. Went inside thinking something very wrong and opened the door to see my sister in law standing in our mud room in just her bra and panties.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" She screamed. Dana came running and handed Tina her robe.

"Paul, what are you doing?" Tina pushed me back outside. She followed me.

"Tina spilled coffee all over her car, go detail her car, least you can do after scaring her like that" Dana yelled at me. Was so stunned by all of this I went to clean Tina's car. It was a disaster so I set out to clean it inside and out. Tina wearing Dana's clothes came out bringing me a salad and sparkling water for lunch.

"Wow, my car looks great. But now Dana's car looks a bit dull. Don't think she would like how well you cleaned mine better then hers after you saw me naked." She commented "she may never unlock you" she giggled. I turned beet red. Tina knew! Who else knew I wondered. I cleaned Tina's car as well after I ate. Dana had put us both on this new diet. I hated it but didn't complain. As I finished my mother in law pulled in.

"Good afternoon Beth" I greated her. She just frowned and went inside. I looked at her car and realized it needed a good cleaning as well. Without a word I cleaned it as well.this should buy me some points with Dana I thought. When I finished I went in and went to shower. Dana had informed me she hated when I had been working and smelled all sweaty so I now showered whenever I was done workingoutside. I walked in the bathroom and Tina followed me.

"You saw me in my underwear so let's see" she told me.

"Tina would not approve" I told her. She grabbed my wrist and drug me to the living room where Tina and Beth sat.

"He won't show me his undies" Tina huffed. Tina without a word just yanked my shorts down to my ankles.

"Cute ass" Beth said smacking my bare ass. While Tina pulled my underwear forward and looked at the cage. The whole scene made me excited and I tried to get hard in the cage. This enraged Dana who dragged me to the bedroom I tripped over my shorts kicking them off to follow her

"You get excited looking at my mother and sister!?" She said loudly

"No, it's just been weeks since" I begged to her

"who's fault is thst"? She shot back. I went silent.

"I knew you needed more discipline" she produced a small leather strap.

"Now, let's settle this" she told me. She handed me the key to unlock the cage.

"If you unlock it, you will lay across my lap and take your punishment. If you choose not to unlock it. You will remain locked for another month" she stated. I didn't wait I unlocked the cage. My dick felt wierd as it was able to grow to its full 5 and a half inches. I laid across Dana's lap.

"You have learned to be an obedient husband the last few weeks." Without warning the strap sang across my ass I jumped and fell to the floor. She motioned for me to return to her lap.

"You have definitely made me cum more then you ever did using your little dick" then another smack. Tears formed in my eyes.i felt helpless, vulnerable. As she continued

"You will never even want to see another woman naked" she told me. Again a smack.

"You hurt me, you cheated on me, you betrayed me" she shouted as smack after smack landed on my ass. She let out all her anger and frustration. She stopped and let me go I rolled onto the floor my ass on fire.

I rolled on to my knees and put my head in her lap.

"I am sorry" I cried. She lifted her butt a bit and pulled her shorts and panties off in one motion. I sank my head between her thighs and devoured her.

"That was perfect" she cooed. She ran her hand over my throbbing bulge.

"Would you like to? "She asked standing up. "I love how you behave when you don't" she said. She handed me the cage back. I shook my head and tried to put it back on. Dana went and got me a wet cold wash cloth and helped me go soft.

"Next weekend Tina will sit with you. So you don't do anything bad. And stick to your diet" Dana told me. I understood my place after that. Whenever Dana traveled for work she arranged for either Beth or Tina to stay at the house. It was two months later on my birthday that she allowed me to try and make love to her. I came in under a minute of entering her. She then spanked me for disappointing her. That is also the first time I ate cum, after the spanking as had become habit I pleased her orally. This time no different except she was full of my sperm.

"Now I know you will do anything to make me happy" she told me holding the sides of my face. For our anniversary she bought me a smaller cage since It couldn't please her any more.

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wardenparker · 2 years

Text

You’re So Vain - Chapter 6

Dieter Bravo x female reader Co-written with @absurdthirst

Oscar winning star Dieter Bravo’s reputation is suffering after the debacle of “Cliff Beasts 6″ and “Beasts of the Bubble”, so his management team has signed him on to a publicity stunt to find his soulmate and show the world a softer side of the erratic and unpredictable star. The plan quickly go awry, though, when Dieter’s soulmate wants nothing to do with him.

Rating: Mature. But this blog is *always* 18+ Word Count: 12.9k Warnings: *Blanket warning for chronic illness, cursing, and deceased family members. This is a Dieter fic, folks, so there absolutely will be discussions of drugs, drug use, and addiction.* Enemies to lovers, fake dating, illness, hospital stay, discussions of past drug use, abandonment, unfair assumptions/associations, so many fucking feelings, these morons are still terrible at communicating, friendship is hard but these characters’ heads are harder. Summary: Nora is in the hospital, Dieter is doing his best to be helpful, and Steph is grateful for the extra moral support even as she gives that support right back to you - because you are more than a little overwhelmed by all the emotions you’re having to deal with all at once. Notes: My own experience with chronic illness and with Crohn’s Disease specifically means that this chapter is very important to me. There is something unequivocally honest about time spent in a hospital and there is a LOT to unpack in this chapter. This is a heavy one, guys.

Ch 1 ~ Ch 2 ~ Ch 3 ~ Ch 4 ~ Ch 5

“Steph had to bring Nora to the hospital.” Despite the number of times your little warrior of a niece has been in the emergency room, it never ceases to terrify you. In the beginning it had brought on panic attacks that you had to hide from Steph, and you’re feeling like one might be brewing now. “They gave her something at daycare that made her sick and she’s—she’s still…” You scrub both hands down your face and breathe deeply to stave off anxious tears. “She’s in a lot of pain and the doctors aren’t having any luck stopping it.”

Dieter’s heart drops and he turns back to scrawl his signature quickly and snatch the bag and the credit card from the concerned looking cast member behind the register. “Let’s go.” He immediately steers you towards the door, forgetting to thank the worker as his own panic starts to build.

“If you just drop me at the hospital…” The thought fades out when you have to snatch for the sleeve of his t-shirt to not get separated in the crowded parking lot. Your other hand is trying to one-handed swipe text a message to Steph that you’re on your way. “Mission Hospital is something like a half hour from here.”

Dieter snorts, mostly insulted that you think he would just drop you off at a hospital. “Focus on something else.” He tells you, realizing your breathing is near hyperventilating. “Did you post the picture?” He’s huffing himself as he is speed-walking towards the car. Thank god for taking a picture of the sections and paying for premium parking.

“Not yet.” You had forgotten all about it in the last five minutes, if you’re honest. “Got distracted.”

“Okay.” Dieter just wants you to be thinking about anything other than the hospital right now. Knowing that it’s soul crushing to think about what might be happening. Danica was dead and yet Dieter had stressed for fucking hours - days if he was honest - over what those last moments for her was like. He’s pretty sure you are doing the same thing even though from what he knows - it’s not life threatening.

The two of you are back in the car in no time and he’s practically peeling out of the lot to get to the highway. “Thank you…” It’s just a quiet little murmur since your face is mostly buried in your hands, but you actually are grateful that he just dropped everything to drive you.

“It’s family.” Dieter tells you. “It— it’s been a long time since I had one, but she always came first.” He reaches over and squeezes your thigh once before concentrating on getting you to the hospital as quickly as possible.

Neither of you talks much in the way, and when you reach the hospital, you direct him through the maze of little streets to the valet stand to hand off his car keys. “We have to check in and get security badges in the ER.” You tell him, blindly directing him toward the pediatric emergency department from muscle memory once you’re in the front door. There’s no time to be surprised that he has come inside with you, you can deal with all of those thoughts later on when Nora is feeling better.

Dieter follows, the bag he had grabbed from the backseat firmly in his hand. All he could think is that it might help take her mind off the pain. Keeping close to you as you walk over to the check in station and pulls out his ID.

“Patient’s name is Nora Valeria.” How many times over the last few years have you said that sentence? Far, far too many. The two of you get sticky badges with your ID pictures on them and the imposing woman behind the counter gives you Nora’s room number. “I know how to find it,” you tell her quietly when she starts to give you directions on how to find the room. “My niece is…a frequent flyer. Unfortunately.” The sight is far too familiar to you, and the duty nurses greet you by name when you come down the hall. This is a place that no one should have to call second home, but here you are. Nora is hooked up to softly beeping monitors and soundless pumps, splayed out on a kid-sized gurney with tears in her eyes when you come in, and you don’t miss a beat before rushing to her side. Steph is right there holding her little hand, so you throw one arm around her tightly while the other hand touches Nora’s cheek ever so gingerly. “Hey sweetie,” you murmur, bending over to kiss her forehead. “Heard you had a rough day.”

Nora gives a small “uhh huh”. The little girl is used to the hospital, but she had been so happy to not be back here over the past few months. “I don’t feel good, Gigi.” She complains quietly, the tired whimper all she can manage right now through the pain.

“I know, baby, I’m sorry.” Your fingers brush a few stray hairs out of her face, and you look over at Steph. She’s clearly been crying, but she’s keeping it in check while Nora is alert. “The doctor just okayed giving her some morphine, so hopefully that while finally take care of the pain,” she tells you, reaching to squeeze your hand. “Thank you for getting here so quickly.”

“Have you—” Dieter breaks off, knowing it’s not his place to suggest anything. He’s not a doctor and he’s pretty damn sure you wouldn’t appreciate him offering advice for treatment. Instead he moves over to Stephanie and rubs her back. “Sorry that you have to be here tonight rather than relaxing.” He murmurs. “Do you need something? A drink or food?” He knows she would ignore her own needs to stay with her daughter. Very sure about that fact.

“I can’t eat when she’s like this.” Steph admits, but she reaches up to pull Dieter down into a tight, slightly desperate hug. “Thank you for getting here so quickly.” If she’s surprised that he came in with you, she’s not showing it at all. “I—I’m sorry to cut into your day…”

His own arms are tight around her. Trying to provide her some kind of comfort. “Don’t worry about that.” He brushes off her apology. “Nowhere else to be but here.”

“Did you manage to have a little fun at least?” Steph is clawing at any good thought right now, even as unlikely as it is that the two of you might have enjoyed each other’s company. She knows that you were going to try to be more patient today and hopes like hell that it made some kind of difference. As much as you don’t want to hear it, she can see the two of you being good for each other - if you’d just stop being so fucking stubborn all the time.

Dieter hums, unsure of how to answer that. It was pretty okay until that kiss. Until he wasn’t able to think about anything but the way your lips felt against his. “We found out the best drinks to have list is pretty accurate.” He offers her, pulling back and shooting her a grin. “Better than the night you got drunk at my house.”

A half-chuckle is the closest to a laugh Steph can get right now, and she squeezes his hand. “Your Insta looked like you were having fun. I’m glad it wasn’t all for show.”

Nora has latched on to your hand, holding it tightly in both of yours when a nurse comes in with a small, wrapped syringe in one hand and surveys the room. “How’s our little warrior doing?” She asks, moving right to the other side of Nora’s bed where her IV hangs. This particular nurse has seen your niece through a hell of a lot of flare ups, and nods to you in lieu of saying hello - but doesn’t quite know what to make of seeing a man in the room. “I brought you something for the pain, pumpkin. Do you want to hold Aunt Gigi’s hand while I put it in? It’s going to make you feel heavy and sleepy, and that’s okay.”

Dieter watches as Nora looks over at the nurse. Nodding quickly and clinging to your hand. She’s probably done this hundreds of times before, but he hates to see the flash of fear in her little eyes.

Morphine is one of those things that’s tricky with Nora because of the side effects, so if she needs it today then the episode must really have been bad. Soon enough her breathing slows, and the little whimpers of pain lessen, and her eyelids droop a little as she looks between the four adults in the room. “Sleepy…” she murmurs to her mother, knowing that sleepy is a good thing. She’s done this enough to know that sleepy means it’s working.

“Good, baby.” Steph nods, trying not to sniffle or show anything but loving support for her little girl. “If you’re sleepy then go ahead and sleep. Let the medicine work.”

“Her doctor wants to admit her for overnight observation.” The nurse tells Steph, satisfied that her patient will be feeling a little bit better soon. “But you know…” she glances at Dieter, not recognizing him. “She can only have family for visitors in the ward right now.”

“We know.” You nod quickly, realizing she’s very politely going to have Dieter kicked out once Nora is brought to a room - and for once actually feeling like having him around might not be terrible. He busted ass and broke a bunch of traffic laws to get you here and Nora seems to like him. That’s—Nora’s comfort is key right now. So, you pull the sleeve of the sweatshirt you’ve been wearing and hold out the large black triangle on your arm. “He’s my soulmate.” Is that the first time you’ve ever said that out loud?

Dieter is shocked that you willingly admitted that out loud. Like, actually told someone. The nurse looks over at him and he grins sardonically and shrugs. “She didn’t pick me.” He quips, slightly self-conscious about the entire thing.

Steph’s jaw practically drops that you said it out loud, but she collects herself quickly enough while you put your sweatshirt back on. “Nora will be glad he’s here when she’s feeling better.” She knows that for certain. “Okay.” The nurse nods. “I’ll add you to her visitor list. What’s your name?”

“Dieter.” He tells the nurse, not getting an attitude that she doesn’t recognize him. “Dieter Bravo.”

The nurse startles, obviously recognizing the name, and her eyes widen when she takes another look at him and finally recognizes the Oscar-winning actor in her ER room. “Got it,” she nods, hurrying out again after another look at Nora.

Dieter looks around the room, noticing that there is a distinct lack of an overnight bag. Which is odd, considering how sick Nora can be. He can only assume that she raced to the ER directly from the daycare. “I— you need clothes right?” He doesn’t like hospitals, never has but he wants to be useful. “Why don’t I go grab something for you?” He asks, rubbing his hands on his shorts. He knows you don’t really want him here, feeling like you will be more relaxed if you have a break from him for a bit.

“I—” Steph looks distinctly embarrassed, caught unprepared as she was. “I took my hospital bag out of the car,” she admits sheepishly, guilty tears welling up like she somehow jinxed her daughter’s health with optimism. “It’s in the bottom of my closet now. If you…would you mind going to the house to get it?” It’s not normally something sure would ask, but he offered, and it means you can be there when Nora wakes up from her hopefully pain-free nap.

“Yeah.” He’s relieved and it probably shows in how quickly he’s jumping to leave. He doesn’t like seeing Nora in that bed. “I’ll get your stuff. Anything else you need?”

As reluctant as you are to admit it, you’ll want something clean, too. If he’s going to the house anyway it would be dumb to be stubborn and not ask him to grab something for you as well. “The top drawer of my dresser has clean shirts. Would you just throw one into Steph’s bag for me?” The idea of him being in your room doesn’t settle well, but taking care of Nora overrides that discomfort. “At the top of the second floor stairs, Nora’s room is right in front of you. Go left and that’s Steph’s room. Go right and that’s mine.” Today must have gone very well if you’re letting him into your room, but Steph doesn’t say so. “Spare key is inside the little fairy statue in the front garden. Thank you, Dieter…so much.”

“Don’t mention it.” Dieter doesn’t glance over at you, still too raw from that kiss to actually make eye contact. “I—uh, I’ll be back okay?” He tells Steph before he remembers the bag in his hand. “Oh! If—if Squirt wakes up before I get back, this is her surprise for being good today.” He chokes out the words softly and shoves the bag into her hand.

Steph says a soft “Thank you”, and then he’s gone. Out the door like a rocket and bound for your house.

“Do you know what she ate that set this off?” Bundling your best friend up in a hug in a hospital room is such a familiar act that it feels almost normal, and you hate it.

Stephanie sighs, clinging to you just a little bit harder than she probably should. Nora had been doing so well. “There was a new teacher.” She murmurs softly. “She didn’t realize everything Nora couldn’t have. Apparently, she gave Nora some Dill Pickle chips. They had milk in them.”

“Fudge.” You hug her tighter, planting a reassuring kiss in her hair. “I swear, milk powder is in everything.”

“I swear I’m going to start a company that has none of the shit that triggers her.” Steph huffs, breaking her own rule about cursing right now.

“Put that business degree of yours to good use.” Drawing a chair up next to hers, you loop your arm around her back and give her space to lean on your shoulder. “She’s going to be okay,” you remind gently, as you both watch Nora sleep. Thank God the morphine is working. “She’s a fighter, and a trigger food isn’t going to take her away from us.” Maybe a hundred years ago, with no treatments and no idea of what was making her sick, Crohn’s Disease might have led to death in a young child - but not anymore. Even a case as severe as Nora’s is treatable. It’s a disease she’ll always live with. Not one she’ll die from.

“I’m so sorry.” Stephanie feels so guilty about calling you away from your date. “Today of all days.” Laying her head on your shoulder, she watches her daughter sleep. “It looked like you were getting along too.”

“It was…weird.” That’s a gentle way of describing the day, and you pull your phone out of your pocket to pull up your Instagram account with the hand that isn’t rubbing soothing lines on her arm. “We, uh…well, look.”

Stephanie hums, watching you scroll through the photos and notices that there isn’t the one that you had been dread. “Oh shit.” She murmurs, feeling horrible. “You didn’t get the kissing picture. Tell Libby it’s my fault.”

“Uh…” Blowing out a long breath, you tap through your phone to open your text messages where he has sent you the pictures that your student took. “I just haven’t posted it yet…” It’s hard to look at, honestly. That humming vibration thrumming through your body again remembering how it felt. You look…kind of good together, actually. It’s obvious the kiss isn’t faked, and it doesn’t looked staged even though it definitely was.

“Oh.” Stephanie glances at you then back at the photo. “Is this why you said we needed to talk…with tequila?” She asks softly, not wanting you to put your defenses up.

“It’s not a big deal.” Swiping all your apps closed one after the other, you hit the button on the side of your phone to close it and shove it back into your sweatshirt pocket at lightning speed. “Nora is more important. Kisses don’t mean shit.” That’s what you’re going to tell yourself, anyway. Because otherwise you’ll have to admit you… felt something.

“Okay.” The last thing she wants to do is to upset you or to start an argument in her daughter’s hospital room. Instead, she looks back over at Nora. “I’m surprised that he offered to go get clothes for us.” She prods gently. “He can seem so…unbothered at times.” She doesn’t think that at all, but it’s your opinion and she wants to see what you say in the face of proof that he wasn’t.

“He likes you.” That’s obvious. He likes Steph and he likes Nora, and he’s gone out of his way for them countless times now. You? You get the fights and the disgust you fully expected you always would. And why are you getting upset about that? You haven’t been upset about the idea that he wouldn’t want you in nearly ten years— that anyone knows about. “He likes Nora. Calls her Squirt.” The little girl shifts in her sleep and grimaces but doesn’t wake. “Maybe we should show her Finding Nemo. There’s a turtle in that called Squirt.”

“We could.” Stephanie is very interested in the tone you used at the beginning though. It sounded like you were upset that he liked her - or maybe a little jealous. “Would you rather he not like us?” She murmurs softly, eyes still on Nora and she can’t deny that she loves the cute little nickname Dieter bestowed on her.

“I don’t want Nora to be upset when she never sees him again after this summer.” It’s clear she’s attached to him as well. She doesn’t give nicknames to just anyone and she called him Deedee today - hopefully just because Dieter is too much for her little mouth, but still. “He, uh…he got the movie he wanted. The one filming in Switzerland. So I’m hoping that Libby will just let us squeeze the last few dates in before he leaves and then he’d…um, he’d been gone by August.”

Steph pulls away from you, a slightly guilty expression on her face. “I—I don’t think that will happen.” She admits, wondering if you will get angry again. You are very sensitive where Dieter is concerned. “He, uh, he told us that we could come over anytime.” She explains. “Let Nora use the pool since she loves to swim.” He had texted her a couple of days after delivering the car, just to make sure she still liked it and they had chatted at bit. Nothing about you, but she had enjoyed the often quirky conversations.

“Oh.” You don’t take your arm away from her or move at all, but your grip definitely slackens, and you nod vaguely. Distractedly. “You, uh…didn’t think to mention it to me?” She knows how you feel about Dieter, and there’s something else churning in your stomach that you can’t quite name but you don’t like how it feels. “That you guys talk?”

“Just occasionally.” Steph promises. “And I never tell him anything about you. He just texted me to ask how we were liking the car and it kind of went on from there.” She notices the small furrow in the middle of your brow. “You can read the conversation if you want. I mentioned having to buy Nora another inflatable pool for this summer because I hate taking her to the public pools and he just told me to bring her over anytime.”

“I’m not going to read your texts, Steph.” That’s a huge invasion of privacy in your opinion, and you have always trusted your best friend to be honest with you, which is why the wrinkle in your forehead deepens a little when you look back at Nora. “What’s going to happen if he relapses?” You ask her quietly, honestly voicing the thing that worries you most about him having a presence in Nora’s life. “What happens when you go over there one day, and he doesn’t recognize her? Or accidentally hurts her? Gives her something to eat that makes her like this but is too high to realize what he’s done?” The way you shake your head is resigned. Scared. Sure that it would happen some day. “Look, if you want to spend time with him, I—I can’t stop you. I just worry.”

“If he relapses, maybe Nora could be the kick in the ass he needs to get help again.” Stephanie offers. “He’s…he’s lonely.” She gives a small shrug. “I would never expect him to care for my daughter or anything. He actually started asking me questions about her disease. We didn’t know everything when she was diagnosed either. I think - you expect him to be a fuck up because people like him hurt you. But, the only thing they had in common with Dieter is that they did drugs. He’s different.”

“Steph…” It’s too hard to look at her right now, and you spin the little fashion ring on your finger around and around in a useless attempt to quell the anxious bile rising in your throat. “D-do you…do you have feelings for him?” She’s always been so insistent that you should let him into your life. She was the one who contacted Libby originally. She’s the one advocating to keep him around. What if he’s only your soulmate so that she could meet him? What if your roll was always only to bring them together? After all, isn’t that how she met Shawn? Her best friend’s big brother…

Stephanie’s mouth opens and a small soft squeak comes out, surprised and shocked that you would even ask that. “I— no.” She rushes out. “Not like you are thinking. I’m grateful to him. He changed our lives so much and I can never repay him, but no. I want to be his friend. I like his sense of humor and think that he’s a nice guy.” She reaches over and covers your hands with hers as she shifts to look at you even though you won’t make eye contact with her. “But I don’t have any romantic feeling for your soulmate. I promise I would never do that to you.”

“You say that like I should have feelings for him.” It is something that has never, never been considered a possibility for you and even inferring it would have been enough to make you actually angry at one point. But now? Now it just makes you feel…sad. Hollow in a way you don’t like at all. Like you’ve failed somehow for not being immediately in love with your soulmate.

Stephanie sighs, looking over at Nora again. “I’m not going to tell you how you should feel. Soulmate experiences aren’t the same for everyone. Obviously.” She rolls her eyes and smiles. “But I will tell you, even knowing I was going to lose Shawn, I would do it all over again.” She turns back towards you and bites her lip. “I wonder what would have happened if his sister hadn’t died that day. If I had told him that you had his bullseye tattoo and the elephant on his thigh.” She gives a small shrug and stands, walking over to her daughter to stroke the little girl’s forehead. “In the end, what you decide is up to you.”

“Sometimes I wish you would.” When you look up at your best friend, there’s a hint of desperation in your eyes that you can’t hide. “Tell me how to feel. What to do.” It’s a selfish thing to want. You know that. But you really can’t help it sometimes. “You’re so much smarter than me. And not just smarter but wiser, and you don’t have this—this giant hole in your heart where you can’t even think about letting a whole new person into your life. I mean shit, Steph. You lost your soulmate. If that were me, I wouldn’t be able to let anyone near our little girl afterward. Just in case.”

“You’re afraid of losing him if you let him in.” Steph’s eyes widen as she realizes that. “Jesus hun, you can’t let that make you afraid of living.”

“I wasn’t until today.” It’s a lot to admit, especially to someone who knows you so well, but yes - that is definitely a part of what you’re feeling. Fear, worry, and a plethora of other things without names. “Until that stupid fucking castle.”

“Until you kissed him.” Steph corrects you.

“Yeah.” You groan, soft but agonized, dropping your face into both hands. “Until I kissed him…”

“Oh honey, you felt something.” She walks back over to you and strokes your back gently. She won’t pretend that this isn’t difficult for you. She knows it is.

“I felt the fact that I haven’t gotten laid in a while.” You grumble, aware that it’s your very defensive emotional wall talking. “I don’t know. It’s all complicated and annoying and he hates me anyway.”

“He doesn’t hate you.” She immediately defends. “He’s just not…come on…how would you feel if you went to meet your soulmate and their first words were ‘fudge you’?” She asks, knowing that you’ve apologized but you still need to realize how you’ve set the tone in your relationship with Dieter. “He’s used to people adoring him.”

“So the entire thing is my fault?” That doesn’t sit well with you, having lived through every petty or dramatic act Dieter’s gone through while you’ve known him. “I’m not a blind adoration kind of person, Steph. I never have been.”

“No.” She shakes her head. “He’s petty and can be childish.” Even as much as she likes Dieter, she can admit that. “Matching energies, that’s what he called it. But I’m going to be honest. While I know you aren’t the blind adoration type, you’ve not once given him an actual chance without your prejudice clouding your view. Have you?”

“Would you be able to forgive the kind of person who leaves a teenage girl for dead on an OD?” Turning in on yourself in your chair, you’re practically curled up in a ball. Feeling small and overwhelmed and scared, just like you did then. “They left me to die. People just like him.”

“I know they did.” She was there. She remembers vividly, even though you and Shawn tried to shield her from the worst of it. “But none of them were him, were they?”

The way you sigh - resigned and even a little defeated - is broken into your palms. “No. None of them was him.”

“And they were all pieces of shit for leaving you.” Dieter is standing in the doorway when both of you look up shocked, a frown on his face. He has two bags on either shoulder and is carrying a large In & Out bag and a drink carrier with three drinks. “I know you said you didn’t want to eat, but you need to.” Dieter tells Steph. “I got them to put everything on the side, since I didn’t know if either one of you had dietary restrictions.” He adds, before his gaze slides over to you. “But I think you and I need to talk in the hall.”

This day just keeps going from bad to worse, you think as you unfurl yourself off from your chair and give Steph’s shoulder a squeeze. “Come get us if she wakes up,” is your only request and Steph nods before you follow Dieter out into what seems to be the only deserted hallway in the entire hospital. “H—how…how much did you hear?” Unlikely as it is, you’re not even upset to be overheard. You feel more like a kicked stray than anything else.

Dieter ignores the question, instead looking at you seriously. “Have I pressured you into doing anything? Taking anything?” He asks you.

“What?” Your forehead knots deeply, confused by the question. “N-no?”

He nods, happy that you at least believe that. “I like drugs.” He admits, looking around the hall and then back at you. “I’m an addict, like the way they make me feel, think. Like how creative I am when I’m high.” He sighs. “But I didn’t let that Tik Tok girl do them. That wasn’t in the documentary. She wanted to try, and I said no. If she wanted to smoke a blunt, cool, we would have lit up. But she’s too young for the other shit. And I damn sure wouldn’t have left her to fucking OD like apparently happened to you.”

“It’s more complicated than that.” And there are fucking tears in your eyes, which you hate, because it means even a base level of vulnerability. “It’s not about direct pressure.”

“Then what’s it about?” He demands. “Because it’s bullshit that you think I would do something like that.” He’s actually really hurt you would think that, if he’s honest with himself.

Looking up at him physically hurts - that hole in your heart aching from where you tore at it yourself as just a kid. “Because I did it so you would like me.” And how ironic it is, that so many years later it has become the reason you can’t stand each other. It’s almost too poetic for words. “I worshipped you. Seventeen years old and so fucking proud to be your soulmate just as you were starting to get really famous. I read every interview, watched every tv show and movie. Nobody was a bigger fan than I was. And you liked drugs. So I decided I was going to like them too, so we’d have shit in common when we met one dreamy, magical day. I was in training to be Dieter-fucking-Bravo’s perfect woman, so I had to know every drug out there and what they would feel like. And I ended up with a group of kids that bailed on me the second things got hard. Ditched me behind a dumpster in an alley in Haight Ashbury. I only survived because some Good Samaritan called 911 and an ambulance brought me to the hospital to have my stomach pumped.” And that is the most cohesive explanation of what happened the summer before college that you have ever given anyone in your life. Through the tears, the hurt, and the shame, at least it’s honest. “So, no. You’ve never directly asked me to do shit. But I almost died trying to make myself into someone you could love.”

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Dieter closes his eyes and squeezes them tight, leaning against the wall. “I—I wouldn’t have cared.” He tells you honestly. “If you didn’t do them. I don’t – it’s just about being yourself.” He tries to explain. “Just being who you are, unapologetically. You use those Bluetooth earbuds and I think they fuck with my brain waves.” He opens his eyes and sighs. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry you felt like just yourself wasn’t good enough. But I would have never done that to you. To anyone.” At least now he knows why you hate him, and despite the pure panic he had felt when he had kissed you, there was never going to be anything between you.

“I was a kid.” You sniffle, wiping away the few tears spilt during your unfortunate speech. “And I saw how perfect Steph was with my brother, and my parents, and all the other soulmates I knew…and I wanted to be perfect for you.” A shrug barely graces your slumped shoulders, standing in front of him with all of this pent-up stupid shit falling out of your mouth. “I’m…I’m really sorry I’ve been so shitty to you. None of it is actually your fault. I just…I guess I never stopped being angry and hurt about it.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Now that he understands why, he’s not angry anymore. He’d never thought about how his drug use would influence others. He’s just always looked at it like he was only hurting himself. “I—” he stops himself before he says something stupid. “Want a hug?”

“Yeah…” You chuckle half-heartedly, only do you don’t cry more. “That…would be nice.”

He’s lucky he deposited the food and bags in the room before he came out here with you. Tugging you into his arms and wrapping them around you would have been difficult. But he does just that, wondering why you seem to fit so perfectly.

“So I’m guessing that when you got up this morning, this is exactly what you thought was going to happen today.” A joke is your best defense mechanism at this point, sure as you are that you’ve ruined things between you permanently. Even if something could have been, he’s had enough venom from you to last a lifetime over the course of just a few weeks.

“Absolutely.” Dieter latches onto your sarcastic tone, obviously desperate to lighten the mood. “Figured I would end up in the hospital because of you.” He jokes. “Although I was assuming it was because you tried to run me over or something.”

“I know I’m not easy to get along with.” Strong-willed, your mother called it. “And I get it if you want to pretend like we never met after this contract thing is all over.” Who knows if the real you would even be good for his image like Libby wants? Or if you would just stay at each other’s throats despite the apologies. If you would actually be good enough.

“So do I.” Dieter doesn’t actually want to let you go. He does love physical touch and hugs were a part of that. He gets it now. He’s completely wrong for you because of what happened.

“If you want to stay friends with Steph, though…and you should, she’s amazing…we’re going to have to see at least a little of each other.” Mumbled into his t-shirt probably isn’t the way to have this conversation, but he’s broad and soft and strong in all the right ways to add up to a great hug and you don’t particularly want to move yet.

He sighs gently, rubbing your back. “Let’s get through the last three dates first.” He compromises, still a little hurt by the idea that his soulmate wants nothing to do with him.

“Right.” Three more dates and then he’ll decide that you’re nothing more to him than his friend’s roommate, and that will be that. It will be your own fault for ruining any possibility of a future with your soulmate.

Your stomach conveniently rumbles, or maybe it’s his, but the sound makes Dieter pull away. “Let’s go back in the room and eat.” He urges you, turning towards the door as if the two of you hadn’t just had a heavy conversation. “Being hungry sucks.”

“Hey.” Steph’s voice is soft when you come back into the small room, making sure not to disturb her little girl. The two of you look…not happy, and she hates that things apparently didn’t get figured out between you. You deserve the absolute world and a soulmate who loves you to boot. “They’re moving her upstairs soon. The nurse said they’re cleaning up a room now.”

Dieter nods and walks over to where the food bags are. “I got a variety of things.” He offers, opening the bags where Steph had left them. “We can eat here so the smell doesn’t follow us.”

“Thank you.” She had gone through the clothing bag he brought to make sure it had all the clean things for her and Nora that would be needed and left it at that while the two of you were talking. “I mean…you don’t — don’t feel like you have to stay.” She blusters, not used to anyone but you and her involved in these nights. “But I know she would be glad if you were here when she wakes up.”

Dieter shakes his head. “I’ll stay.” He insists before glancing over at you. “Unless it would be easier if I wasn’t here?”

It’s a loaded question, and one that you’re not entirely sure how to answer at the moment, but you shake your head as you start to unload the fast-food bag onto the small rolling table for all three of you to reach. “Stay. We take shifts napping so someone is always awake for her, and we play cards during the time that we’re both awake. I hope you’re prepared to have your butt handed to you in gin rummy because Steph here is an expert.”

Snorting, he shakes his head and winks at Steph. “You obviously never bullshit your way through celebrity poker games.” He jokes. “Nothing worse than when fucking Ben Affleck sits down. Or that bastard Matt Damon. Beat me last time.”

“Fudging.” You nod at your sleeping niece apologetically. “She, um…she started picking up on our cursing, so we’ve switched to kid-friendly substitutes.”

His eyes widen and he looks back over at her and nods. “Crap, sorry.”

“It’s okay. She’s sleeping.” It feels a little like walking on broken glass with him, but that might be all in your head as the three of you start to split up the food he brought back. “She’s just a smarty pants and picks up on things easily.”

“I see that.” Dieter chuckles. “It seems like she would keep both of you on your toes.” He passes out the drinks and takes his own burger. “Hopefully what I got her makes her smile when she’s out of here.”

“Apparently she told everybody at daycare that she got to see Deedee this morning.” Steph smiles, grabbing a few fries. “Not just anybody gets a nickname from her.”

“Yeah?” He grins, looking very proud of himself at being given a nickname. “Wonder why I got that honor.”

“I guess we can ask her when she’s feeling a little better.” You’ve dug into your burger with enthusiasm since you skipped eating dinner in the park. “We were talking about showing her Finding Nemo soon, since you started calling her Squirt.”

Dieter grins, nodding. “You should. I like that one, but that other one…the Scottish girl. That’s my current favorite ‘kids’ movie.”

Steph grins, snickering a little. “That’s her favourite.” She tells him, pointing at you. “Went around saying ‘I’ll be whatever-ing for my own hand’ for ages after it came out. I’ll be cooking for my own hand. I’ll be painting for my own hand. I’ll be grocery shopping for my own hand. It was constant.”

He nods, expecting that kind of behavior out of you since you were so disappointed by him being your soulmate. For a brief - split second - he almost cracks a joke about how it was too bad that they had resuscitated him when he was in England. But it felt a little too much like kicking a puppy. Instead, he takes a bite of his burger and sips his soda. “I can see it.”

“Well yeah.” You throw your best friend a playful scowl. “I went to go see that in theaters as the third wheel with you and my brother. My own hand and a sense of humor was what I had.”

Dieter snorts, his mind going to wildly inappropriate jokes. “You sound like every teenage boy— ever.”

“I didn’t mean it like that!” You hiss insistently, trying to keep your voice down despite Stephanie practically dying of laughter beside you.

“Sure you didn’t.” Dieter winks at Steph, sharing the amusement in your discomfort. “It’s okay. Everyone has those moments.”

“I do just fine, thank you.” What a god awful lie that is - but you may or may not be far too stubborn to want to appear to be anything but his equal.

“Good for you.” He takes another sip of his soda and gives a self-deprecating shrug. “I get turned down all the time.” He tells you, swiping up some fries and shoving them in his mouth.

“Sure you do.” You don’t believe that for a second. The big flashy movie star does not get turned down for sex.

Dieter chuckles. “I’m sure you think I’ve just got people throwing themselves at me all the time.” That was true sometimes, but it wasn’t normal. “But most of the time it’s just me sleeping in a hotel room by myself.”

“She’s lying.” Steph decides to butt in, pointing a knowing finger at you when you nearly gasp in indignation. “I’m sorry babe, but it’s been like a year, and you know it.”

“Busted.” Dieter laughs at the glare you turn on your friend, picking up another fry. “Sounds like you need to get laid.”

Oh, you are going to murder her. “You’re disowned.” Glaring dramatically at your so-called best friend over the last sip of your soda, you’re feeling a horrible combination of hurt pride and annoyance at being called out. “There aren’t exactly a lot of age-appropriate eligible bachelors at school to pick from.”

“Half your students want to bang you.” Dieter supplies easily, shrugging when you look at him like he has three heads. “What? I’d definitely be having nothing but naughty thoughts about teacher if you’d been around when I was in school.”

A deer caught in headlights has nothing on you right now, as you sit there and just gape at him for a second before you catch yourself. “That’s…I’m not sure if that’s flattering or mortifying.”

He rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “Everyone wants to know they’re fuckable.” He scoffs playfully. “But we’ll drop it.”

Steph is smirking like she’s personally won you some kind of victory by unleashing this conversation when Nora’s nurse pops her head into the room. “We’re ready for her upstairs. Is everybody coming with her?”

Without even looking over at you, Dieter nods, standing up and crumpling his food wrappers. “Yeah, all of us.” He knows that you might not really want him there, but he doesn’t go to sleep early, so he can stay up with Nora and let the two of you get some sleep. He might as well put his sobriety induced insomnia to good use.

Steph glances at you when he says it so definitively, and you try not to show how grateful you are as the three of you follow Nora’s gurney up to the third floor. The hope that she’ll sleep through the night is fairly vain considering the morphine is bound to wear off soon, but her little body needs healing and hopefully she’ll just drift back off to sleep as long as the pain stays away. It’s the most you can hope for, for her. Rest and healing. And maybe for yourself, too, now that your secret is out in the open.

******

As much as Dieter doesn’t want to be at the hospital. As much as he wishes he didn’t have to be here, he’s glad that he is. Around 3:30 in the morning, both you and Steph are passed out, curled up in the small couch that turns into a bed, leaving him sitting next to the hospital bed and watching the slow and steady rise and fall of Nora’s chest. When she whimpers, Dieter looks over at the two of you, sure that’s mom super-hearing will awaken Steph, or maybe even you. However, it’s just him there next to her when the little girl opens her eyes. “Hey squirt.” He croons softly, standing up and hunching over the bed. “How are you feeling?”

“Deedee?” Nora blinks slowly, the haze of low-grade pain leftover from her flare up keeping her from stirring too much. “Still—still hurts. But less,” she murmurs, wincing when she turns a little.

“It’s okay.” He reaches up and strokes her forehead, hating that she’s in pain. He could make it go away, but he highly doubted you or Steph would appreciate the types of drugs that worked better than morphine. “What do you need?” He asks, wanting to make her as comfortable as possible.

“Water?” There’s usually a pitcher nearby somewhere and her mom always has a cup ready for her, so she knows it’s possible. He’s not the person she expected to see when she woke up, though, even as she reaches for his hand for comfort. “Where’s Mommy and Gigi?”

“They fell asleep.” Dieter immediately reaches for the large cup with a straw that all hospitals seemed to give you. “Right over there.” He nods his head towards the couch as he holds the cup near her mouth for her to take a sip.

“‘Kay.” As long as they’re there, Nora understands that everybody needs sleep. She takes a few sips of water a little too eagerly and coughs, making her grimace in pain at the way it tightens her stomach. “Deedee, are you Gigi’s boy-fend?” The teacher she didn’t know at daycare was talking about it yesterday, and she’s seen her aunt get dressed up to go spend time with him and that’s what girlfriends and boyfriends do. She’s almost five, not dumb. Trouble pronouncing the word doesn’t mean she doesn’t understand it. Mostly, anyway.

“I’m her friend.” Dieter treads cautiously, knowing you will want nothing to do with him when the dates are over and he’s not going to push that. “And I’m a boy. So, I guess I am?” He gives her a confused shrug and makes a silly face to make her smile.

“So…” Nora’s face scrunches slightly, connecting the dots slowly. She’s still sleepy and her body hurts, but her mind has always been quick. “Uncle Deedee?” She asks after a second, brightening like the sun at a thought that obviously makes her happy.

“If you want.” He’s panicking, know you will hate that. Just like you hate him. Not to mention - he’s confused, so fucking confused after that kiss. “Why don’t we go back to sleep, huh?” He murmurs softly.

“‘Kay.” She agrees readily, yawning a little. Sleeping is better than hurting, but she tugs on his hand with her little one with a plaintive look on her face. “Cuddles?”

There is zero chance Dieter holds against the power of that look and request. He nods, motioning towards her IV. “Let’s be careful, okay Squirt?” It takes a while, gingerly climbing into the hospital bed with the four-year-old so he doesn’t mess with anything and make an alarm go off, biting back a curse when he almost yanks on one of her monitoring pads. Finally, he’s settled with her curled up in his lap. “How’s this?” He asks, rubbing her back gently and praying that no one thinks he’s trying anything inappropriate.

“Comfy.” Nora decides, tucking her head against his chest and yawning again as she closes her eyes. “Night night, Uncle Deedee.”

“Night night, Squirt.” Dieter hums, continuously rubbing the little girl’s back as he leans back against the pillow. Wishing that the situation with you could be as easy as it seems to be with Nora. He’s right, kids are simple, and he likes that about them. They either like you or they don’t. Giving out a yawn himself, he closes his eyes, relaxing into the bed.

******

You’re the next person to wake up, a few hours later when the morning shift floor nurse comes in to take Nora’s vitals. She clearly recognizes Dieter immediately, if the look on her face is any good indication, and you are just barely awake enough to clear your throat and draw her out of her shock.

“Oh!” She startles and looks over at you, a sheepish look on her face. “I’m so sorry.” She whispers. “It’s just— I— I’m sorry.” She quickly checks your niece’s vitals and the fluid left in her iv bag, all while discreetly stealing glances at where Dieter was still passed out, head back and mouth open as he snores quietly, his arm wrapped around Nora securely and the other splayed across her little back in comfort.

“I’m sure he’ll be happy to sign something for you after he wakes up,” you tell her, not actually sure that he’ll be happy about it but having seen him do it dozens of times now. You and the nurse both know that only family is allowed to stay overnight with young patients, so that must make him family.

“Really?” Her eyes widen and her gaze shifts between the bed, you and Steph. Trying to figure out how Dieter is family. “I-I didn’t know he had a kid.” She murmurs after a moment.

“He doesn’t.” At least, not one he knows about. You had already asked him that question. “She’s my niece. He—” For the first time, a small smile crosses your lips. Looking at him like this, the annoyances melt away and it’s obvious how much he cares about Nora - and she’s the most important thing in the world to you. “He’s my soulmate.”

“Oh.” She pauses, looking back over at the two people in the bed before she blushes slightly. “He’s - you’re a lucky woman.” She tells you before she backs away from the bed. “I’ll make sure all of you get breakfast.” She murmurs.

“Thank you.” You murmur, though you’re not exactly sure what you’re thanking her for - the comment or the meal. Either way, you nod and look back over at him with Nora with that same little smile. He must have been awake when she woke in the middle of the night. Usually you or Steph ends up crammed in that hospital bed with her for cuddles.

Stephanie stirs beside you, opening her eyes and blinking for a moment before she sits up. Needing to check on Nora. "How—" She stops when she sees the two figures cuddling in the bed. "Oh my god." She murmurs, heart melting. "I need a picture of this."

“He must have been awake when she wanted cuddles.” You murmur, still wanting to be quiet. “And the nurse did that non-committal hum thing when she came in, so her vitals are good.”

“Good.” Steph, rakes her hand over her face and sighs. “I honestly hadn’t missed this over the past few months.”

“I know, honey. Me either.” You rub her back in gentle circles with one hand while she pulls out her phone, snapping a few photos of Dieter and Nora snuggled up together in the small bed. “I can’t believe I’m going to say it, but I’m glad he was with me when you called. Doing this with three is a lot less stressful than trying to dodge around and stay up all night when it’s just the two of us.”

“So what you’re saying is that you don’t think he’s completely useless.” Steph teases playfully.

“If you’re going to tease me then I’m not telling you how I feel about him ever again.” It’s obviously an empty threat because she’s literally the only person you tell anything to at all, but you’ll make it.

“I think it’s very sweet.” Steph tells you honestly. “He’s been amazing through this.”

“I reserve the right to worry.” You sigh quietly. “But…yeah. He has been.”

“You don’t think I worry?” Steph asks you, looking away from her daughter and your soulmate. “Of course I do, I always will.” She admits. “But I can’t let that worry keep us from living. Otherwise we would still be quarantined in our house, scared of every cough and sniffle.”

“She got attached to him so quickly.” One hand scrubs down the side of your face absently while the other digs for the half-full water bottle in your backpack from the park yesterday. You’re parched. “I don’t want her to have to lose anybody else. Not because I was too immature to handle my bullshirt.”

“He’s still here.” She points out quietly. “You told him your deepest secret and he didn’t yell at you. He sat with us and played cards until the two of us passed out.” It had been almost easy. He had definitely told some not child appropriate jokes and didn’t even complain about having to go outside and across the street to smoke when the need for nicotine got too bad. “I’m proud of you for telling him the truth. What did he say?”

“That he was sorry I felt pressured.” You take a sip of water, feeling the heaviness of the conversation all over again. “But that he never would have asked me to do anything. As long as I was…how did he put it? Unapologetically myself.” That makes you shake your head - you don’t think you were authentically anything at seventeen. Maybe not even now, who knows? “I apologized for being shitty to him in the beginning and he asked me if I wanted a hug…it wasn’t exactly a long conversation.”

She hums and would say something, but Dieter shifts slightly, drawing her attention back to them as he slowly opens his eyes “Eh?” He grunts, looking around, slightly disoriented before he looks down and sees Nora still sleeping.

“Morning.” You barely raise your voice enough for him to hear, not wanting to wake your niece. “Looks like you got Human Pillow Duty last night.”

Dieter gives a relieved sigh. “Oh thank God.” He huffs. “That’s a thing.”

“Oh yeah.” Steph chuckles. “Did she give you the killer eyes, too? I swear that girl had weaponized her pout.”

“She’s lethal.” Dieter admits with a small smile, not wanting to move too much in case he disturbs her. “I was half afraid I’d be woken up screamed at or accused of …ya know?”

“The nurse that walked in half an hour almost lost her jaw at the sight of you.” You tell him, waving off the fear. “Don’t worry about it. How was she when she woke up?”

“Little thirsty.” He’s relieved that you are speaking to him. “I could tell she was still in some pain.” He frowns at that. “But she fell right to sleep when I got up here with her.” He licks his lips and looks over at Steph. “She— she wants to call me Uncle Deedee.”

Steph tilts her head at you and barely raises one subtle eyebrow, biting her lip to keep from grinning. “Really?” She hums in amusement. “Interesting.”

“Hey, it’s not my decision.” Though your shoulders tense, you blow out a sigh and shrug. “It’s up to you, Dieter. If you want to be an uncle to her and Steph is okay with it, I don’t factor into the decision at all. But the title comes with responsibility.”

He should have known. Bitter disappointment fills him. “Right.” He carefully shutters his expression so he doesn’t give anything away. He gives a shrug that would have anyone guessing you were discussing the likelihood of pigs flying rather than a little girl viewing him as family.

Steph, on the other hand, doesn’t quell her disappointment in the way you answer. Her frown is pronounced and she is - despite being your best friend in the world - rapidly approaching being done with your shit. She has tried and tried to help and only pushed to a level she thought you could handle, but now she just nods. “Yes.” She tells him unequivocally. “She wants you to be and I want you to be. So, you’re Uncle Deedee now.”

“Okay.” His tone is flat - neutral - and he starts to look around. Almost looking for a way out. You obviously don’t want him here, so he needs to leave.

“I swear to god I’m going to lock you two in a broom closet.” Steph huffs, looking between you and Dieter. “You obviously didn’t get enough time to talk yesterday.”

Dieter doesn’t say anything, just rolling his eyes and huffing. It’s not his fault you want nothing to do with him. “Uncle Deedee?” Immediately, attention is focused on the little girl in his arm. “Hey, squirt.” He hums, squinting at her appraisingly. “How we doin’?”

“Better.” Nora stretches and hugs him sideways before reaching for her mother. “I feel better, Mommy,” she reports, sounding like her normal, bright self again.

Dieter shifts, standing up when she reaches for Stephanie. He wipes his hands on his shorts and stretches slightly before he reaches for the bag that he had brought into the room. “Kiddo, I’ve got to go, but I made good on my promise.” He tells her, setting the bag on the bed.

“What’s dis?” She asks curiously, looking up at him with a look that practically begs him not to leave.

His shoulders slump slightly, knowing that he’s not going to leave until the littlest girl in the room lets him. “Well, open the bag. I know that you like that girl cowgirl and I knew you had to have this.”

Nora nearly scrambles to open the Disney-branded bag, and the first thing she comes out with is the kid-sized red and white cowgirl hat that tops off Jessie’s outfit. As soon as she’s slammed it on her little head, she dives back in and comes out with the rest of the costume that will transform her into her favorite movie character. Her delighted gasps and squeals are joyous, but they’re nothing compared to the way she throws herself into his arms, hugging the breath out of him as she continues to squeal. “Thank you, thank you Uncle Deedee!”

Dieter can’t help but chuckle and make sure that she doesn’t hurt herself with her IV as he hugs her back. “You’re welcome, squirt.” He tells her. “I knew you would like that. Dress up like the cowgirl you love.”

“Thank you.” Steph mouths it over her daughter’s head, glad to see that Nora has her energy and her spirit back after the flare up. She’ll see what the doctors say, of course, but maybe they can be home again by lunch time. “Do you want to wear your Jessie costume and watch her movie when we go home?” She asks Nora, knowing very well what the answer will be.

“Yesssssssss!” Nora screeches, grinning from ear to ear.

“Looks like someone is feeling better.” The doctor appears on the doorway a half second after Nora hits maximum volume and chuckles. “And it looks like we had a bit of a sleepover last night. How are you feeling, Nora?”

“I wanna go home.” The four-year-old immediately responds, feeling better and wanting to put on her new outfit. “Please.” She adds at the last minute.

“Dieter…” Despite the part of you that just wants to let sleeping dogs lie, this is no longer a situation that can just be ignored. You nod toward the door, silently asking for him to follow you out into the hall as you get up from your seat. It’s a combination of your do better mantra and for Nora, because you really would do anything for her, that is pushing you here and you know that if you let it sit you might not talk to him until the next pre-scheduled date.

“Oh boy.” Dieter claps his hands together and shooting the doctor a wry grin. “Getting called into the principal’s office.” He quips. “Feeling a little triggered right now.” Shuffling off into the hall so he can get yelled at.

“I was going to say thank you.” But now your arms are crossed as you lean against the wall, feeling like an idiot for thinking he could possibly be interested in anything you have to say. He’s in this for the publicity, and you have to remember that no matter how mixed up you’re feeling since that kiss. “For being so helpful last night and for obviously caring so much about Nora. I’m —” You shrug. “But I can see I’ve run out of chances and that’s my own fault.”

“I—” he stares at you for a moment before he sighs. “I guess we just don’t mix, huh?” He asks, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“I honestly don’t know.” The way your eyes trail to the ground is resigned. “But I did actually have fun yesterday, so I know it’s possible for us to get along.” Unless he was just acting the whole time, which is obviously possible but you’re afraid to ask out loud.

“I did too.” He had been surprised that he had enjoyed himself so much. “Amazing huh? All we have to do is to basically be distracted by everything around us.”

When your eyes snap up to his there is an obvious hurt there that you’re completely over having to disguise. “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life apologizing to you for how I acted,” you tell him, hating the way your lip trembles. You’re used to being a strong shell on a soft interior, but the shell is cracking big time. “But Steph said something last night that scared the shit out of me, and I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“What’s that?” He doesn’t like how much he hates your vulnerability. Doesn’t like how much he’s ready to apologize.

“That—” Arms tightening across your chest, you look down at your feet again, at the wall, at the windows across the way. Anywhere but at him. You absolutely had not planned on saying any of this shit to him but here you are spilling your guts in the hallways of the same hospital where your brother spent the end of his life, and your niece spends more time than any child ever should. Fear and sadness are all you’ve ever felt here. “That I’m afraid of losing you if I let you in.” Abandonment issues, according to the therapist you saw in college. Genius fucking diagnosis for someone who had literally been abandoned.

“I get it.” Dieter knows his bad habits, makes no excuses for them. Even now, clean, he would dive back into using if given half a chance. “I tried to kill myself.” He announces. “After Danica died.”

“Oh.” You definitely weren’t expecting that, and your head snaps back up instantly. “I—fuck. I’m sorry.”

He shrugs, like it wasn’t the horrible thing that would make most people look at him differently. “Losing the person that meant everything to me made me spiral.” He had plenty of therapy himself to learn that. “Toxic and self-destructive, I was labeled. But— fuck, I mean, we only had each other.” His eyes find yours after a moment, dark and still filled with pain after so many years. “I know what loss does to a person. It’s why after Ben— after he tricked me, no one mattered.”

“I’m not saying that I expect to matter to you.” After how you’ve acted, you would be astonished, honestly. “I just…I think the person I actually hate is me, and I projected that on to you. So—” Fucking tears, you think, wiping the damn things away. “I just wanted you to know that I don’t hate you. That’s all.”

“Why do you hate yourself?” He asks, tilting his head curiously. “Because you OD’d? Shit happens, but it wasn’t your fault. They should have been looking out for you.”

“I don’t…really have a good answer for that, to be honest with you.” And not knowing things is something that frustrates the hell out of you. “I think I should call my therapist when I get home and start to unpack some of that baggage.”

He nods and looks around the hospital. When he looks back at you, he smirks and holds his hand out. “Dieter Bravo.” He introduces himself to you. “Kind of a douchebag, plenty of issues, but always fun.” He jokes. “Apparently, I’m the dreaded soulmate.”

It takes you a second to understand what the hell he’s doing, but when it dawns on you, you can’t help smiling. You introduce yourself the same way - full name as though you’ve only just met - and put your hands into his. “Kind of a bitch, plenty of issues, but always up for a drink.” The way your stomach flips isn’t so far off from that kiss yesterday, but it’s calmer. Or at least less terrifying. “Nice to meet you.”

He shakes your hand and nods. “Nice to meet you.” He hums softly. He hopes this helps in some small way, the twisting in his gut telling him that he should not let this lay like it has been. Understanding you a little better since your talk last night.

“Thank you for staying last night.” It was an enormous thing that he absolutely did not have to do, and you’re still plenty emotional enough to acknowledge that. “If you want to go home, I totally respect that. Hospitals suck. But…don’t feel like you have to leave because of me.”

“I— just didn’t want to cause you more issues.” Dieter tells you. Figuring you needed to focus on Nora rather than being mad at him.

“You’re not. If anything, you’ve made this a heck of a lot easier.” And you know Nora would be ecstatic if he stayed longer. Steph might have a field day gloating later on, but it is what it is.

He eyes you cautiously. “Only if you’re sure?” He wants to make sure you are completely on board with this.

“I’m sure.” You nod, nerves knotting through you. It would be the first time he’s been in your house longer than twenty minutes - unless he poked around last night. But he wasn’t really gone long enough for much of that. “Normally when we go home in hospital days, I make chicken noodle soup for dinner. Sound okay?”

"Yeah, that would be—” The buzzing of his phone in his pocket starts driving him crazy, making him pause what was going to be him accepting your invitation. "Hang on for a second." He rolls his eyes when he sees Libby's name on the screen and swipes to accept the call. "Hey Lib, it's too fucking early, what if I was in bed with someone?" He demands with a grin, purely wanting to take the piss out of her.

“If you are it had better be her and that should damn well be the reason you didn’t post the damn picture last night.” Libby has steam pouring out of her ears and it’s practically leaking through the phone. “Everything else and not that one? Come on, Dee!”

"We had an emergency, Lib." Dieter huffs. "Her niece was brought into the ER last night right after we took the picture. We ditched Disney and we've been here all night."

“Is she okay?” Libby might be a bit of a vulture professionally, but she’s not heartless.

"Yeah, now." Dieter looks around as nurses rush around and then back at you. "She had a flare up? Is that what it's called?"

Libby hears you say yes on the other end and smiles victoriously. “You guys are getting along, then?”

"We've...talked things through." He answers while watching you. He's not going to give details because you haven't told him that he could. "Actually just got an invitation for homemade chicken noodle soup."

“Not tonight, I hope?” His manager tsks quietly, almost the sound of teeth against a pen cap. “Dee, please don’t tell me you forgot about the BuzzFeed interview? We need to be generating as much chatter as we can ahead of this new project.”

“Fuck.” Dieter hisses, looking at you with an apologetic look. “No, I forgot all about it. What time is it?”

“It’s at six.” She exhales slowly. Deliberately. Like an annoyed schoolmarm. “Right after your three o’clock style test on the Universal lot.”

“That’s today?” He asks, dismayed. He just got on level ground with you and now he has to ditch. “We can’t do it tomorrow?”

“I already had them reschedule you from a 9am spot so you could sleep in,” she tells him. The distress in his voice makes her wonder if something more than just talking happened, but she’ll get to that later. “You leave for shooting in ten days, Dee. They need this done before you get to set.”

“Fine.” He’s definitely pouting about this, which is ironic considering that a few days ago he couldn’t wait to never speak to you again. “I’ll be there.”

“Good.” Libby’s nod is nearly audible. “Post that picture when we hang up and kiss her goodbye when you leave wherever you are. I want you doing that dopey grin thing you do during the interview. It’ll be adorable on camera.”

“We’re in the hospital still, Lib.” Dieter groans, not even mentioning that the one kiss you have shared was because of the contract.

“Okay?” She clearly doesn’t care, or maybe doesn’t believe him. “Last I checked, kissing in a hospital is not against the law.” Libby chuckles like she’s clever as hell and amused by the whole thing. “If I don’t see that picture in ten minutes, I’ll hound you until it goes up.” She tells him merrily, and apparently that means goodbye because she disconnects the call a second later.

“Fuck.” He rolls his eyes and pockets the phone, wondering if you are going to skin him alive. “I— uh, I have an interview with BuzzFeed and a style test for my new movie. Today.” He explains. “I completely forgot with Nora…”

“That’s…that’s okay.” It would be a lie to claim you aren’t disappointed, but it’s clear that he’s telling you the truth and not making some kind of excuse. You were standing right here, and Libby is not quiet on the phone. “That party is in a couple of days. I’ll see you then.” The fact that you might actually want to see him - or at least talk to him - before that is odd to adjust to.

“Okay.” He ducks his head in acknowledgement. “The party—” he hesitates, especially now that he knows what he knows. “There’s going to be things there, but—” he raises his brows. “We don’t have to go anywhere near it.”

“I appreciate that.” Whatever the circumstances of his sobriety, which is definitely not something to get into right now, you won’t be dabbling at all and you’re grateful that he respects that. “I honestly have no idea what to expect on this one. With dinner or a concert or Disney, I at least had some concept of what I was walking into. The last half dozen or more birthday parties I’ve gone to have been for toddlers.”

He chuckles and reaches up to rub the back of his neck. “It won’t have bouncy houses.” He smirks. “Although that would be fun.”

"I'll just put on whatever Libby sends for me to wear and be ready to go when you show up to get me." You laugh a little, mostly at how ridiculously out of character it is to let someone else dress and order you around. "Soulmate arm candy. That's what Libby wants from me, right?" Not that you would ever dare ask what he wants from you. Not after everything that's happened in the last twenty-four hours.

“Yeah.” He bites his lip. “I never thanked you. For doing this.” He clarifies. “You didn’t have to, and I know that. Even if it was because of me taking care of those bills.” He rolls his shoulders back. “I didn’t do it for that. I hope you know that.”

"I really had no idea why you did it." And you had had to force yourself to stop trying to figure it out after a while because it was driving you completely insane trying to find his ulterior motives. "But...you're welcome. You changed our lives, so I figured putting on some uncomfortable clothes and having my picture taken with you a bunch was kind of...well, I don't know if it was a fair trade. But it seemed like a good way to repay you."

"I didn't want you to repay me." He admits quietly. "I just— I saw them and I know that you both wear your worry and stress in your eyes. I could see it that first time we met."

"You didn't get distracted by all the angry bitching?" You huff at yourself, uncomfortable with the fact that you're actually a bit ashamed of the way you acted that morning. "Steph knew I never would have sent my information into that...that contest or whatever you want to call it. She told me it was a grocery delivery at the door that morning. I had no idea what was happening."

"I'm sorry." He really is sorry about that. He could understand now, given everything why your first words to him were "Fuck you, Bravo!". "I really thought you knew about it."

"We didn't exactly start off well." That, you're certain, is something you can both agree to. But there's a bloom in the middle of your chest that you can't quite quiet. "Hopefully we can start to fix that."

"Yeah." Dieter flashes you a grin. "Hopefully we can without being at each other's throats." He nods towards the room. "Can I go say bye to Squirt? I don't want to just run out."

"Of course." There's no way in hell you're going to bring up the fact that you distinctly heard Libby tell him to kiss you goodbye on the phone. That's a kind of pressure that you absolutely don't want to put into this sort of renewed relationship between you.

"Okay." He's relieved that you believe him and turns around to walk into the room right as the doctor comes out.

"Everything okay?" Steph looks between you, half expecting to see anger, tears, or both after everything that has gone on.

"Yeah." He shakes his head and gives another apologetic look. "I'm just— I forgot I have a meeting, well two meetings today." He explains. "I've got to go home and shower and get ready for that. But, what did the doctor say?"

"As long as she can handle a little bit of breakfast, we'll be home by noon." She's so relieved she could cry. There have been times when Nora has spent several days on end in one of these rooms and she's so grateful that this will not be one of them.

"That's great!" Dieter grins and looks over at where Nora is still obsessing over the Jessie costume he had given her. "Hey Squirt, I'm glad you're doing good. You're gonna be a good girl and eat some breakfast so you can go home and watch Toy Story, right? Be good for momma and Gigi?"

"Yeah!" Nora is clearly feeling better, as she is nearly bouncing on the bed where just a few hours ago she was lying in pain. "Thank you, thank you for the costume, Uncle Deedee!"

"No problem, squirt." He winks at the young girl and walks over to give her a hug. "Now, you be good and I will see you later, okay?"

"'Kay." She hugs him back as fiercely as her little arms can manage, only letting go again so she can jam the red and white hat back on to her head from where it had slipped a little.

He looks over at Steph and then towards you. "Let me know if you need anything." He murmurs before he waits for you to say something.

"We will." You can promise him that honestly, as last night proved that he really will drop everything to help Nora if it's needed. Steph clears her throat a little and gives you the least subtle meaningful look in the world and you feel like melting into the goddamn floor. "I'll walk you to the elevator," you offer, knowing your best friend will shove you out the door after him if you don't go voluntarily. "These halls are like a labyrinth."

"Sure." He doesn't mention that he went outside and smoked last night. Instead, he walks beside you and wonders why you are doing this. Wondering if you had heard Libby and was expecting him to kiss you again.

"It's this way." The awkward silence as you walk down the hall together is deafening, but at least it's better than arguing. "I, um...I'll see you on Saturday, then." Just inviting him to the house arbitrarily seems forced now, and you shove your hands in your pockets as the elevator bank comes into sight.

"I'll see you then." He smirks and presses the button for the elevator to come up to this floor. He looks over at you where you are staring at your hands. Obviously trying to figure out what to say. When the doors open, he steps inside and turns around. He chuckles and gives you a small wink. "Like your top drawer next to the bed." He teases with a waggle of his brows. "Interesting collection."

Your jaw plummets to the ground as the elevator doors close, leaving you standing there completely aghast when he disappears from sight. That son of a bitch was snooping through your toy drawer last night.

______

Master Tags: @pixiedurango @chattychell @winter-fox-queen @lady-himbo @artsymaddie @princess76179 @paintballkid711 @missminkylove @pedrosbrat @ew-erin @sarahjkl82-blog @sharkbait77 @justanotherblonde23 @lv7867 @recklesswit @mylittlesenaar @f0rever15elf @gallowsjoker @steeevienicks @athalien @sherala007 @skvatnavle @thatpinkshirt @jaime1110 @girlimjusttryingtoreadfanfics @goodgriefitsawildworld @greeneyedblondie44 @katheriner1999 @littlemousedroid @churchill356 @ajathegreats-blog @hardc0rehaylz @beardsanddetectives @kirsteng42 @ladykatakuri

YSV: @tortor-mcgee @hnt-escape @sammus-white @spanishmossmagnolia @frasmotic

My Masterlist!

#Pedro Pascal #Pedro Pascal character fanfiction #Pedro Pascal fanfic #Dieter Bravo #Dieter Bravo x reader #Dieter Bravo x you #Dieter Bravo x female reader #The Bubble #soulmate au #enemies to lovers #fake dating #Trash Can Man

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blackroseguzzi · 1 year

Text

Woosah Baby : part 2

Warren’s POV

I silently drove y/n back to her campus apartment. I remember when we had first graduated high school, I was so animate on living with her. I wanted to spend every minute of every day with her, but she shot me down so fucking quick because she said something about the importance of separate space.. blah blah blah. I spent most weekends there, but as much as I wanted to just campout there until the end of time- I knew y/n liked her alone time without anyone in her bubble.

She didn’t want to talk no matter how much I begged her to let me go to inside with and talk about everything. She said some shit about how she was too emotionally drained and that we would talk tomorrow.

Hell, I got it. I wasn’t the one who had just learned that I’d have to harbor a fetus inside me for more than half year. I watched her get out of my Volvo and walk sullenly back into her building. I sat idling there for a few minutes. I was scared shitless. I had no idea how to comfort her. It was never my strong suit to be that romantic and emotional supportive partner. I was the fun and goofy one, and y/n fed off that energy. She had never needed me in the past like she did right now. Not when her dad up and left her mother for a woman half his age. Not when her mom had been hospitalized for drinking a bottle of pills right before y/n was supposed to take the SAT’S. She would just come over my house, ask me to roll her a blunt, and we would listen to some Ozzy Osborne and make out.

She had never been this upset before and it freaked me out. How was I going to make things better? Should I ask my parents for help or was that something some pussy guy would do in this situation?

Fuck I need some strong booze and some dank weed. I needed to go do something that would get my mind right.

**Later that night**

Spencer and I sat outside Rich Moore’s parents house. They were gone for a month to Hawaii so Rich was constantly having parties. They were so much better than some of the frat parties we’ve been at lately. I took a long drag off my blunt and handed it over to Spencer who graciously took it from my fingers.

“Man, what’s up? You’ve been in a lame mood today. Everything good?” Spencer was my best friend. If I was being honest he was too good for me. He was innocent, except when he was with me. He was always down to go with me when I would get these grand ideas of stealing food from restaurants or random crap from large chain stores. They didn’t need that money as much as I needed things. Big box stores are just Inflexible in practice.

“Yeah.. yeah I’m good dude,” I said after letting out a drag of smoke, making a few rings. I watched the smoke rings drift into the night sky and then suddenly fade and break apart. It made my heart skip. I didn’t want y/n to drift away from me and for us to end. I knew things were going to be hard - I’m not stupid. I knew I’d have to find a job, become some loser 9-5 worker who hated their lives just so they can provide a minimum wage life for their family. I knew I was going to have to learn to grow up, but I was afraid that I might not have that capability.

“Where is y/n tonight? She didn’t show up for her shift at work this afternoon. Is she good?” Spencer took another drag and handed it to me. I waved it away, trying to get a little taste of self control I’ll have to learn quickly.

“She’s pregnant,” I stated. My face felt emotionless, but there were so many weird feelings inside me.

Spencer’s eyes burned into my skin and I just couldn’t look at his face. I just kept looking at the night sky where the stars just blotted the darkness.

“Hey that’s the big dipper,” I pointed out, trying not to dig deeper into the conversation hole I just created for myself.

“Fuck the big dipper man- Y/n’s pregnant?” Spencer questioned back at me, alarmed that I was looking for constellations in the sky instead of talking about this big news I had just confessed.

I finally turned towards him and his eyes burned into me, they looked shocked.

“Yeah, she is. I’m fucked. We’re both fucked. What else is there to talk about?”

“So you’re obviously keeping it?” Spencer asked. We hadn’t even talked about anything in regards to this baby. I didn’t even know how far along she was.

I reached out to pick up my red solo cup that was chilling on the railing in front of us. Empty. Thank god.

“I’m going to go grab more beer.”

Spencer huffed as I turned to go back inside the house, which was so insanely crowded. So many drunk girls with tiny crop tops and shorts way too short for the middle of November. Laughter and music filled the stale air, which smelt like sweat, weed, and immaturity.

I walked over to the keg in the kitchen. A few girls huddled around it giggling amongst themselves. Thank Jesus y/n was never like that. She didn’t huddle around a group of girls, to gossip, and she never asked 5 of them to go to the bathroom with her everywhere she went too. She was popular with the guys at college and I wasn’t oblivious about it either. She was friendly and easy-going. She wasn’t a girl that asked much of a guy - clearly. She was also a natural beauty, only ever wearing mascara and chap stick. I loved that cherry Carmax shit she always wore. It tasted just as good as she did. Her body was so smooth, and not overly tan like half the girls at the University. I wonder what our baby was going to look like. God, I hope that their baby would have y/n’s perfect nose, and the way her eyes squinted when she smiled.

I was broken from my thoughts as I felt a hand lace around my shoulder while I filled his solo cup. I looked over at the cute blonde girl who was snaking in a little too close for comfort. Her light pink shirt overly revealing.

“Hey,” she whispered seductively into my ear. I swallowed hard. Even though I loved y/n with all my heart, any guy would be lying when they didn’t feel some weird way when a pretty girl touched you that way. Especially when you had alcohol and THC simultaneously running through your veins.

“You’re the cute kid in my Lit class on Fridays. I didn’t see you there today,” her breath on my neck was hot and she smelled like a bunch of pachouli soaked strawberries.

“Yeah, I ah.. I overslept,” I said sheepishly, giving her a side smile and handing the keg hose to her. She thanked me and filled her own cup. The foam on the top of her beer was on the verge of overflowing as she finished. She took a sip, the foam getting all over her upper lip.

“Oops,” She giggled and took her red tongue out of her mouth and slowly licked the foam from her lip and gave me a devilish smile.

“You want to go somewhere quiet? I can fill you in on what we learned in class today.” She spoke softly and I wondered how through the pounding of the horrible rap music surrounding us I could hear her so clearly.

“Yeah, sounds cool.” I knew I was being stupid. This girl had nothing on y/n. She was plastic as I liked to say. I could see the inch of makeup on her face and I knew her eyelashes were certainly not that long naturally. She had a killer body, but girls like her only ate salads and sucked on lollipops to curb their appetite. I just wanted to dull this pain in my heart. I wanted to just stop feeling like I was a piece of shit who knocked up their girlfriend, had no income besides my mom sending me cash every month, and who was most likely going to loose their scholarship in a few weeks. Then what? Y/n deserved better. I have never had ambitions to be a family man.

“Well,” The blonde brought me to a couch tucked away in what appeared to be a study in the home. I was surprised with how crowded the party was that there wasn’t a single sole in the room.

“Well,” I repeated back. I took a large sip of my beer and smiled at her in a flirtatious way.

“I’m Karie, and I know you’re Warren. The teacher always calls on you because you never pay attention in class.” She giggled again and it was a little annoying how forced it sounded.

“Yeah, I’m not really an American literature kind of guy,” I took another sip. I needed more booze to get me through this.

“What kind of guy are you?” God, she sounded like she watched a lot of rom coms. I bet she was a big fan of Failure to Launch and 10 things I hate about you.

“I’m whatever you want me to be,” I stated. God, I hated myself.

She gave me a warm smile and took a sip of her own beer. You could tell in her face that she was more of a boxed wine kind of gal. She placed the cup on the coffee table in front of us.

Suddenly, her lips were on mine. They felt so different then the lips I was used to for the last 5 years. They were smaller, and much stickier. I let her tongue slide into my mouth, and I found myself placing my beer down on the table and then placing my hands on her waist. I let myself just go with whatever she was doing for a moment. I pretended it was y/n. I pretended that we were not in the positions we were in and that we were together at a party just living in the moment. Things are easy like they’d always been. Reality was, things were going to be hard and I was so mad at myself that I wasn’t a better man for her.

Karie sneaked closer to me, wanting more of whatever I was giving her. She grabbed my hand off her waist and slowly moved it up towards her breast. I could feel the padding under my hand and I froze. I gently pushed away and closed my eyes.

“I can’t….uh I’m pregnant…fuck,” I finally opened my eyes to look at her and she was staring at me like I was absolutely insane.

“I mean, my girlfriend is. I…” “You have a girlfriend?” Her eyes were wide and she leaned away from me. I felt a relief in my chest.

“Yeah, I’m sorry.. Um I gotta go.” I quickly got up and ran my hands through my hair. FUCK. I felt sick-I could feel the alcohol working its magic as the room spun a little when I had started walking away.

I weaved my way between a bunch of people down the hallway back into the kitchen. Karie’s friends were still huddled next to the keg, and one of them looked over at me and smirked. She was about to get an earful for sure. I walked past them casually and looked around for Spencer. He was surprisingly still outside, talking to some cute nerdy girl. It looked like she was showing him some of her artwork on her phone.

“Spence, let’s go!” I shouted as I approached him. He looked over at me and could immediately tell I was disheveled and anxious to leave.

“Okay okay, I’ll meet you at the car in a sec,” He looked me up and down. I wanted him to just come with me, but I didn’t want to be that big of a cock block where he didn’t even get her number. I just nodded and smiled politely at the girl he was with before making my way down the steps of the house and darting down the street.

“Fuck,” I whispered to myself. I pulled out my emergency blunt from my jacket pocket. I lit it up and took a hit.

I got to my car and wondered for a second if I should even be driving. No, I probably shouldn’t but I needed to get to of there.

It felt like 10 years before I saw Spencer at the passenger side window waving to be let in. I unlocked the door and he shoved his body in quickly. As soon as the door was shut I was taking off down the street.

“Everything okay?” He questioned me. He was a good friend, I was lucky.

“Yeah, just felt like leaving. The keg was tapped, and the house smelt like vomit.” I tried to laugh like nothing was bothering me, and he knew not to push. We were quiet for a few moments and the sound of the wheels on the road calmed my nerves. I was driving away from my problems yet again, and I found comfort in that.

“Yo want to know something wack?” Spencer broke the silence.

I took another hit, waiting for him to tell me.

“I was in the special collections room at my schools library today. There’s this piece of work inside there is worth freaking 12 million bucks.”

Spencer’s always telling me weird facts. It was just how he was, and when we would get completely baked it would make for the coolest conversations.

“You’re shitting me? No way is there a book worth that much money,” I laughed.

“Nah, it’s not a book. It’s like a collection of paintings,” he stated “like if Picasso had a bunch of his paintings in a book.”

“What’s it sitting in a shelf in the library?” I was suddenly curious. Why was this book in some random college library if it was worth that much?

Spencer shook his head, “no the special collections room is super secure. You can’t just walk in there.”

“So there’s security everywhere?” I asked as I pulled into the gas station. Spencer needed water and a pack of gum. He didn’t want his parents knowing he had been out drinking.

He got out of the car and looked back down at me “No, you need an appointment,” He stated before closing the door and I watched him swiftly walk into the station.

Man, what I would do with $12 Million. Hell, with $1 million. Y/N and would never have to worry. We could live our lives without a struggle and be happy. Our baby would have everything it would ever need and more. For a split crazy moment I wondered what it would take for me to be able to get my hands on that book.

Spencer came back out to the car and started to open a packet of those white powdered mini donuts. I was staring at him, and he could feel it.

“What?” He asked.

“I think you know what.” I drove off and I could tell by Spencers change in body language that he did in fact know exactly what I was thinking.

#evan peters imagine #warren lipka imagine #warren lipka x reader #warren lipka #evan peters x reader #Evan peters #evan peters x y/n #american animals #evan peters x you

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boyinatown · 1 year

Text

Wait on me . 🗣️

Little headcannons I made of the lookism boys waiting for their s/o after school/work! 🫂

Warning: none except Reader is Female in this! Gender neutral will be made if requested

Part 2?

☆~’ GUN PARK

He breathed out a circle of smoke , his hand in his pocket tapping his foot softly on the floor getting impatient , he looked at his phone.

“ she should be off around this time, where the hell is that girl?.” Gun couldn’t help but get a little worried normally he’d hear your loud energetic voice before you’d run and leap on his back.

Just as he wanted to walk over to your work, you opened the door and walked out with your co-worker bidding them goodbye and jumping on him.

" where the fuck were you? you have any idea how long i stayed outside in the cold? i was gett-" before he could continue his hour long rant you gave him a kiss on the lips shushing the man and getting into the car.

you got away with it, just this once he thought before huffing and getting into the car.

☆~’ SAMUEL SEO

Samuel stood outside your school, you asked him if he could treat you to dinner since you passed your yearly exams.

And after a long time he decided it was time he’d praise you for your hard work, but god you took damn long.

“ treat me to dinner Samuel! I’ll be on time Samuel, I won’t be long Samuel. 5 more minutes Samuel. Fuck. “ the boy spoke to his self shaking his head.

The sound of heels clicking distracted him from his insults , looking up at you he almost lost his self . He realized he was staring and went Samuel mode again.

“ get in the damn car, you took way to long. Miss Princess.” He held the door open for you saying it sarcastically as you stuck your tongue out at him getting in the car. He got in the car, the entire ride not facing you afraid you notice him blushing.

“Damn it , Samuel.” He couldn’t help but insult his self again.

JAKE KIM

Humming he stood outside holding a rose, this poor boy spent hours trying to find them.

He proudly looked at the flower and nodded thinking how you’d like it and what smile you’d have and what you’d say and how you’d …

His train of thought gets disturbed when you tap on his forehead , your hands on your hips nodding towards the rose he held.

“ romantic much? You got that for me , you must’ve been looking to much huh?” You teased him pinching his nose.

Jake blushed lightly giving you the rose , giving you his signature smile. You made the poor guy skip heartbeats as you stood on your toes to kiss his cheek. Then grabbing his hand and leading him to the food place you wanted to visit for so long.

“Cmon let’s go get some nice tasty stuff for the guys to, I bet they’d love this.” Jake smiled behind you like a moron who just got his first kiss ( he did )

#skull🫂#skullsmashr #lookism fanfic #lookism gun #lookism jake kim #lookism samuel

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shewhohangsoutincemeteries · 2 years

Text

to ashes, reaction

Clint Barton x F!Reader

To Ashes, Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Summary: clint has finally decided it’s time to take out the big guy, and as always, you’re there to back him up. but this is different than the back-alley criminals you’ve helped him take out before; the men who work for kingpin are professionals... and one wrong step, one bad reaction could change everything.

Warnings: angst, violence (above canon-level), gore, death, trauma.

Word Count:

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prologue - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21

Days Since the Decimation: One Year, Two Hundred and Forty-Four Days

“You know, we keep spending every waking minute here, and all the bad guys are going to start thinking that the Ronin has left town.”

“Couldn’t hurt,” Clint attested over the loudspeaker of the phone sitting beside you, and you shifted against the freezing seat to focus the binoculars on the eastern corner of the building’s base. It took you a moment to pick him out of the crowd, his hood pulled up over the baseball cap he was wearing.

“I mean, it’s also possible that we’ll freeze to death out here, and in that case, they really won’t have to worry about us anymore.” you continued snidely, smirking to yourself as you saw him raise his chin, rolling his eyes pointedly skyward for you to see. His breath clouded above him, and he sidestepped a distracted woman without looking as she hurried past him.

“You don’t have to be here,” he pointed out, even as you watched him bounce slightly on the spot in an attempt to warm himself against the December chill. “I can handle this myself.”

“Oh, please. Like it’s any warmer in the RV.”

“At least you’re inside; it can’t be that bad.”

“The heating’s out on this floor.” you explained. “That would be why its closed.”

“Did you always talk this much?”

Your smirk widened slightly, and you flexed your fingers against the binoculars to try and stop them from tingling. Even with gloves, the air was starting to make them ache. “You’ve been living with me for over a year at this point, Clint. You really shouldn’t be surprised.”

“I swear you used to be quieter.”

“I used to be suffering from constant migraines,” you pointed out.

“…And we can’t get those back in rotation, huh?”

“Prick.” you smiled as you heard Clint snicker quietly into the phone. “Besides, what are you complaining about? I’m contributing to your very convincing performance as a slightly annoyed pedestrian on the phone minding his own business.”

“Much appreciated,” he said dryly. “Now get your sights back on target.”

“Alright, alright…”

Turning your attention towards the opposite end of the block, you pulled your jacket tighter around yourself. You were tucked into a deserted office halfway up the skyscraper opposite Fisk Towers, hunkered down in front of the window and dressed as maintenance worker. Your laptop pinged with an alert, and you turned it towards you, pulling up the highlighted tile.

“We’ve got the Big Guy’s car pulling into the garage,” you informed your partner, watching the bulky SUV glided through the security gates. “Who turns up for work at four in the afternoon?”

“He’s a criminal, Y/N.”

“And that means he can’t have work ethic?”

Among the supplies the two of you had kept from the stockpile Natasha had sent with you from the compound was a series of incredibly tiny surveillance cameras. Clint had spent an hour carefully disabling their remote trackers before finally turning them on, and he’d managed to plant one on every entrance Fisk Towers had over the last few days.

“Incoming,” you told him as you spotted the man you’d been waiting for exiting the subway down the block. “Navy peacoat. Black knit cap. Looks like he’s in a rush… I think he’s late for his shift.”

“By about two minutes; he’s supposed to be here before the Big Guy is.”

“Uh-oh. Someone’s gonna be in trouble…”

Clint hung up without answering, and you rolled your eyes as you watched Fisk’s second assistant Adrian Howell hurry to work, in as much as he could on the snow-slick pavement. If you hadn’t been looking for it, you might not have noticed the moment Clint passed him, his hand coming up in the second they crossed and leaving behind a pin camera stuck to the man’s tie. Howell didn’t even pause – oblivious to the interaction and to his new role -- and the impressed curve to your lips widened into a smile as your laptop pinged again, the signal now live.

You followed Howell’s actions on the screen as he went through the motions of stamping the ice from his shoes and scanning his I.D.. He was at his desk and opening his calendar by the time Clint finally joined you, and you handed him the laptop as he sat down.

“Nicely done; you’ve gotta teach me how to do that at some point.” you said, rescuing the thermos of coffee from the floor beside your seat. “That definitely wasn’t part of the training SHIELD offered me when I first joined the team.”

“That’s not a SHIELD trick. Circus folk don’t make a whole lot; we learn to pickpocket pretty young.” Clint said, accepting the coffee without looking up from the screen. He cleared his throat, the two of you watching a Howell had a conversation with Fisk’s other assistant. Unfortunately, with a camera this small, there was no audio bug attached. “Looks like we got lucky; calendar has the Big Guy pulling the night-shift… he’s got a ‘meeting with an independent consultant’ at eleven.”

“A consultant?”

“Most likely a lieutenant; someone running one of his operations.” Clint sighed, settling back more comfortably in his chair. “Security switch over is in four hours.”

“You want to go in tonight?”

He shrugged a shoulder. “This is what you wanted. Do you want to wait around and see if we can get another chance?”

You swallowed, watching as Howell approached Fisk’s office door. “So, what exactly is the plan?”

* * *

The familiar edge of adrenaline in your veins – an old friend thanks to your years with the Avengers – had a sickening edge to it as you moved down the hall, swallowing as you approached the security office. Clint had gone ahead, much more adept at avoiding the arrays of security cameras littered throughout the building, leaving you to disable them before joining him on the top floor.

As expected, the halls were almost completely empty – most of the security staff were too busy clocking out or lamenting with their coworkers about receiving the night shift to be roaming the corridors. And even without the same extensive SHIELD training as Clint, you could still manage slipping into an empty office whenever a member of the custodial staff entered the same hallway.

You found the door to the security room ajar; two men sat in front of the monitors that dominated the far wall. It was the picture of disarray that sat at odds with the modern furniture, spacious room and expensive tech – empty cans of energy drink and coffee-stained cups littered the spaces of the desktop not taken up by computer equipment. One had his feet up on the desk, dangerously close to his half-finished coffee, and a lonely string of dull gold tinsel hung crookedly above them as a paltry nod to the time of year. The fact that neither of them had spotted you on the displays was unsurprising; they’d dialed one of the screens to show a basketball game and were too busy arguing over the point guard’s apparent shortcomings.

Your eyes caught on the guns holstered at their sides, and you bit your lip, casting a glance back down the hall behind you. Eventually, someone was going to come down it, and you needed to be gone and the security cameras needed to be offline before that happened.

Turning your attention back to the room in front of you, you swallowed, teeth still digging painfully into the inside of your lip as you touched your fingertips to the edge of your mask. Exhaling slowly, you scanned the room again through the crack in the door, your attention drawn to the quiet snap and hiss of another can of some godawful energy drink being opened.

An idea quickly forming, you waited until he set the can down on the desk, your brow furrowing in concentration as you drew your gun, holding it low against your hip. Nerves still fluttering sickeningly in your belly, you exhaled, twitching the fingers of your other hand in a careful, practiced motion. Nothing happened for a moment, and your teeth dug further into your lip as you repeated the gesture.

The smallest of shields expanded beneath the can for a second, disappearing as soon as you closed your fist. The sudden displacement knocked the can on its side, looking as though the can had somehow jumped of its own accord, and its sickeningly sweet contents spilled out over the keyboard.

“Shit—"

“Marcus! What the fuck are you d—”

The guy with his feet on the table made move to push his chair backwards and stand to avoid the spill now pouring off the side of the desk, but you gestured again, another shield bubble forming under his tilted chair leg. You expanded it quickly before banishing it with a closed fist, knocking him off balance and sending him sprawling against the carpet.

Marcus, already on his feet and desperately trying to shake energy drink out of the keyboard, turned automatically, his eyes widening in surprise as you rushed into the room, cracking him over the side of his head with your gun before he could react. He crumpled immediately to the floor, unconscious. You turned on your heel, raising your weapon to aim it directly into his coworker’s face.

The man raised his hands in surrender, his next words cut short as your boot made contact with his temple.

“…Christ.”

You took in the two unconscious men on the floor in front of you, blindly tucking your gun back into its holster beneath your coat. A light beep and a second of static sounded in your ear as Clint opened the comms channel, his voice low and impatient.

“Y/N. You on schedule?”

“Security’s taken care of,” you replied, picking up the other man’s coffee and dumping it onto the computer towers under the desk. The live feeds went dark as a couple of sparks shot out of the machinery, and you straightened. “You’re free and clear.”

“You joining me?”

“On my way,” you said, stepping back out into the hall. You closed the door behind you, once again checking the hallway before turning back to the door. There was a window set into the wood, and you raised your hands again. After a moment’s struggle you managed to project another shield inside the room, expanding it until it pushed their bodies up against the door with a soft thud. It dissipated with an unsteady shudder as you closed your hands again, your head twinging painfully as you did. You ignored it. You might not be able to do much about the men eventually coming to, but hopefully their bodies against the door would make it harder for the next security staff to make the rounds down here to get in and do anything about the mess you just made. “I’ll see you upstairs.”

* * *

Riding in an elevator in a hood and a mask, armed with a gun and buzzing with anxiety and psychokinetic energy felt almost divorced from the reality of the situation in front of you, and you watched impatiently as the numbers above the door rose.

Clint had made your role clear; keep your distance, watch his back. Stay unseen. There was no need to tip your hand and reveal that the Ronin had a partner. Still, your fingers twitched against the holster on your hip, the contents of your stomach swirled uncomfortably.

The doors pinged open, and you stepped out into the hall that led to the Kingpin’s office, your eyes immediately finding the blood splattered on the wall to your left. A body was slumped beneath it, almost hidden by one of the ornate potted plants that lined the hall in an empty attempt to insert some semblance of warmth into the crime boss’ headquarters. One of the pots further along the hall was shattered – no doubt a casualty of a stray bullet – soil scattered on the carpet. Another body lay beyond it, blood still slowly seeping from the wound in his gut.

Gunfire sounded inr the office ahead of you, and you immediately moved forward, hand hovering over your holster. Someone shouted, and you caught sight of the scene through the half-open door.

Clint’s blade had just cut down his nearest target, blood and broken glass marring the carpet. A body slumped over a chair; another collapsed against the wall, a gun laying useless six inches from his hand. But Kingpin was nowhere to be seen.

Everything fell apart so quickly.

You saw Clint turn towards the three men left, half-crouched behind the desk at the end of the room.

Saw him move, as fast and as sure and as full of rage and fury and that all-consuming purpose as ever, his blade stained dark with blood.

Saw him somehow still too slow to possibly react in time to the three guns rising to aim towards him, held by the experienced killers Kingpin kept by his side. A thrown sword could stop one, maybe. With a bow in your partner’s hand, you wouldn’t have even blinked…

You saw the first man squeeze his trigger.

“NO!”

The psychic energy burning through you burst out in a wave, fueled by your fear and your panic. The force of it buckled the walls and cracked the ceiling, the expansive windows to the left of the door shattering completely. The power of it pulsed through you, scorching under your skin and through your outstretched hands.

The men were thrown back with the desk. There was a brief, terrible moment when you saw the shock, the fear… the realization cross their features. Then, a sickening, horrifying sound that clung to the inside of your skull, and they fell broken and limp as the shield dissipated.

For a second… for one fleeting second, everything was frozen.

Then comprehension of what you had just done took over, and a painful, desperate sob wracked through your chest and up into your throat.

Eyes wide, you felt your knees give way under the sheer weight of it, half-dried blood sticking to your suit as they met the carpet. Your hands shook, gaze falling to stare, mortified, at your palms.

Killed them.

You’d killed them.

“Y/N…” you felt Clint take hold of your shoulders, felt him try to pull you to your feet. “…Y/N, we’ve gotta go.”

You heard the words but didn’t register them over the pounding in your head.

You’d killed them.

“We’ve gotta go. The windows… more people are on their way…” you felt Clint’s hand on the side of your face, and he hauled you to your feet. “I’m so sorry, honey. But we need to go.”

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