Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
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💫Today's Miku figure is:💫
Good Smile Company Little Missing Stars ver. (2025)
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Tumblr announcing that they are unbanning nudity immediately after elon musk starts burning twitter to the ground is like pouring gasoline into an already open flame and then spitting on the ashes. The vindictive pettiness is so entertaining to watch--just outstanding
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People are mad about the recent “Isaac Newton doing spooky shit” inclusion in Protocol, as if we didn’t drag Robert Smirke’s name through the monster-filled mud for 5 seasons of TMA lmao
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irl i don't normally tell people my pronouns unless they directly ask, but this has led to a very silly occurrence i call DLC pronouns. my gender is a sidequest you can unlock in the dialogue tree if your character has a high enough lgbtqia+ stat . or if my pride keyring falls out of my pocket.
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team fortress 2 finally getting rid of the bots after 5 years
work on the team fortress 2 comic continuing after 7+ years
half life 3 development looking more likely than ever with legitimate code, file, and voicework leaks referencing a new non-VR single-player game from valve featuring a HEV suit wearing protagonist and Xen creatures and concepts
shoutout to the valve fan that found the genie lamp. you a real one
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✨Today's Miku figure is:✨
Good Smile Company Hello! Good Smile (clear glitter) ver. (2024)
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Do I Have Any Advice for You
Yes. Life is long if you're lucky and full of struggles. There are many downsides that accompany personhood, but also much joy. We are here to love and be loved, to know and be known, and to pay attention. The gift of our attention is unprecedented in the history of Earth life, and a power to wield with care and attention.
But that is not my advice. My advice is to--if it is at all possible--shed your human skin entirely and become a corporation. Ideally, become a coffee company that donates all its profit to charity. But any kind of corporation will do in a pinch.
According to the U.S. Supreme Court, as a corporation you will still be a person, but you will no longer be confined to the decaying bacterial colony known as your body. You will ascend to Corporate Personhood, the highest form of Personhood available to late stage capitalist societies, where you enjoy all the benefits of person status with none of the biological trials and tribulations.
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