#AND have discussed a lot more of their adult life with moon

[thistlecatfics]

Talking about Incest in Public

(both the painful traumatic kind and the hot fictional kind)

As it turns out, lots of the people who read and write taboo fiction have survived some deeply fucked up shit. After talking about incest with other survivors on the Moon, Sun & Stars discord and answering questions, I decided to share more about my experiences and the things that helped me survive and the things that helped me heal, because there are a lot of us, and a lot of us feel very alone, and maybe there are other people who aren’t incest survivors but who might want to know more to better support the survivors in their life.  

–

Incest is not just a sexual act between two family members -- it's a larger system of absence of boundaries within a family, and it's almost always part of multiple incestuous dynamics, even if only one might be the obvious or explicit dynamic. 

If you’re an incest survivor, you’re almost certainly not the only one in your family. 

-

“The true characteristics and dimensions of incestuous abuse have been masked by the taboo and silence that have surrounded its occurrence. Recent research demonstrates that incest occurs regularly in our society, perpetrated by individuals who, for the most part, would otherwise be regarded as fairly normal. The taboo on incestuous relations is a deterrent to some would-be perpetrators but not to others. The taboo contradicts the reality of incest prevalence, a fact which led Armstrong (1978) to comment that th taboo has been on the open discussion of incest and not on its perpetration.”

-Christine Courtois, “Healing the Incest Wound: Adult Survivors in Therapy” 

–

To use my family as an example - 

My (similarly aged) brother did sexual things to me as a kid, and I had a range of reactions to it including pleasure and enjoyment. And confusion. And fear. I do not think he is bad or even what he did was bad. I think we were both two kids who existed in a family with incestuous dynamics, and we were both shaped by those dynamics and trying our best to survive. 

From a young age, I existed as a physical comfort object to my mom (when she was sad she'd get into my bed to hold me until she felt better while I dissociated), and I took on the idea that my role in the family was for my body to be used to make other people feel good. The sexual behavior by my brother felt like an extension of how my mom held me. 

My mother was the victim of incest from her uncle, and her parents sided with her uncle over her when she spoke out about it (even after he was facing legal consequences for his behavior with kids outside of the family) (even after he fled the country). She didn't know how to emotionally regulate herself, and I don't think she had (or has) the capacity to understand a child's need for physical autonomy and boundaries because her own were never respected. 

There were other incestuous behaviors and dynamics within my family which I'm continuously discovering and unpacking. I think my mom’s uncle abused my grandmother too but I’ll never know for sure. It’s deeply uncomfortable to look back on a happy family story or a childhood nickname and see something sinister underneath and wonder if you’re being paranoid or if it’s actually that bad.  

–

Things that have helped: 

Long term relational therapy (5+ years). EMDR. Adopting a cat. Adopting more cats. Antidepressants. Reading about incest (realistic, terrifying, academic). Reading about incest (fictional, hot, amateur). Being a competitive athlete. Getting a graduate degree. Going on long walks late at night. Telling my family I had Covid so I could skip a family vacation. 

These books specifically: Healing the Incest Wound by Christine Courtois, The Myth of Normal, Dissociation Made Simple, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, The Narcissistic Family Unit, Clementine Morrigan’s writing x1000. 

The protector parts: Eating disorder. Self harm. Drinking. Perfectionism. Depression. Suicidal ideation. I’m grateful to these imperfect protectors I’ve leaned on over the years. 

Things that have not helped: 

You will be shocked to hear that people on the internet yelling about how people who find fictional incest hot are disgusting and bad and dangerous did NOT in fact help me unlearn the belief that experiencing incest made me disgusting and bad and dangerous. Luckily, I’m built of spite. But it certainly did not help. 

(If I think about my vulnerable pre-teen/teen self reading those things, I become deeply angry. How dare you hurt her in the name of protection.)

- I don’t cater to all these vipers Dressed in empath’s clothing God save the most judgmental creeps Who say they want what’s best for me Sanctimoniously performing soliloquies I’ll never see

-Taylor Swift, But Daddy I Love Him

-

After I discovered fanfiction in middle school, and then after I realized that there was a world beyond OFC/Draco Malfoy fic, I read a lot of Blackcest. I devoured any I could find, hopping through rec lists on LiveJournal. 

Reading Blackcest fics, first Bellatrix/Sirius then Sirius/Regulus mostly, allowed me to see my experiences reflected. Those fics gave me a way to contextualize my family and my role in it. I hate the expectation that kids who experience bad things should go to a safe trusted adult rather than find art that romanticizes their experience. The whole point is that there isn’t a safe trusted adult. The whole point is that I needed the art. I got to hold the romanticized narrative until I got far enough away that I could put it away in a box until I had enough therapy that I could safely open the box and build a new, more honest story. 

Obviously plenty of people love incest smut and fic and art. It’s taboo! It’s angsty! It’s a classic! Probably most of those people don’t have direct personal experience with incest in their families. I’m glad they read and write fics too. 

But for me – have you ever experienced something you believe so strongly you will never be able to say aloud? That any time you see your secret referenced it’s in shock and disgust and revulsion? You can pretend – you’re very good at pretending – but you know it’s real, and you know it’s your secret you’ll hold onto for the rest of your life while the world reminds you how disgusting you are? 

Then you find that people are writing about what you experienced in a thousand variations that all contain some nugget of your truth.

I cannot express in words how important it was that I found those stories at that time. 

I never commented on a single fic. I never made a single account on any of the sites I read fanfiction on. I clicked the “yes I’m 18” box without hesitation every time. I wish I could go back in time and have my adult self articulate the enormity of my gratitude for each and every author who helped save me whose work exists on sites I can only revisit with the Wayback Machine. 

I understand why people might feel horrified at the idea of a 11-12 year old reading smutty incest Harry Potter fanfic. People aren’t wrong for feeling that way. 

That said, I truly don’t care what people who aren’t incest survivors think.

I’m so proud of that child for finding a way to survive. She might have hated herself, might have fantasized about death, but she survived and kept the truth of her experience wrapped up in a fictional world where it could be safe to explore and kept it there until years and years of therapy made it possible to engage with it in reality. 

- I’m a real tough kid I can handle my shit They said, babe, you got to fake it till you make it And I did

-Taylor Swift, I Can Do It With a Broken Heart -

No one is writing about incest the way Clementine Morrigan is right now. I’m so grateful for her. I’m not sure this little tumblr post would exist without her essay series. 

"Incest functions as a spell of unreality. A structure of nothingness. A completely normal and unremarkable family life in which something unnameable is ominously and terrifyingly wrong. You know in the summer when you can see the heat making the air go squiggly? Imagine those squiggles as an indication that in the seeming nothingness, there is something there. Incest is like that. Subtle, pervasive, unthinkable, unnameable. But present, felt.

As a teenager I came up with this metaphor: Imagine you are in a house full of bugs. There are bugs crawling all over all the walls and all the furniture and in your food and even on the fork you are lifting to your mouth. And you feel disgusted, you feel like something is really wrong. But your whole family is acting completely normal, laughing and eating and talking as bugs crawl over their faces and into their mouths. When you tell them you think there are bugs in your food your family says it’s just pepper and not to worry about it.

There is no way to talk about incest without feeling that you are lying. This is because incest lives in the realm of unreality and everything in the realm of unreality cannot be thought or said or named. When you speak of things that happen in the realm of unreality it will always feel like a lie and be treated like a lie. You are breaking the fundamental rule. You are not allowed to talk about what goes on in the realm of unreality because it isn’t real."

Read more and pay for her writing if you can on her substack.

-

Without a doubt, the not-explicitly-sexual incest from my mom fucked me up more than the explicitly sexual incest from my brother, but I only feel confident claiming the incest survivor label because sexual stuff was done to me by a family member, and I still feel like I’m lying sometimes because it wasn't bad enough to count. 

I’m a literal mental health clinician who can map out various incestuous dynamics within my family and who has clear memories of a family member doing sexual stuff to my child body, and I still feel like I’m lying. 

I believe you if you feel like a liar because I bet you do. I believe you if the incest never included anything directly physical. I believe you if you enjoyed it. I believe you if you don’t remember but feel like it’s true. 

I love us. 

If we’re monsters, I love our courageous monstrosity.

If we’re liars, I love the way we make up stories to survive when reality is impossible. 

If we’re an uncomfortable truth, good. 

-

It still impacts me. I’m not over it. 

It’s very difficult for me to imagine love that does not include violation. To be loved and to be allowed to maintain a self. 

But I’m open to learning otherwise, and that openness is new. 

-

I was so, so good at living in unreality. I could make myself perfect, such a flawless object until I couldn’t think of anything except killing myself, but even then I still maintained the image of perfection my family expected. 

It’s cool I never actually killed myself. 

I find it hard to be around my family now. There are advantages of living in unreality. I drink a lot more when I’m around my family than I ever did before, but I don’t think about killing myself nearly as much. Reality is worth it. Being able to exist as a person is worth it. 

- I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart. I am, I am, I am.

-Sylvia Plath

- I’m not afraid. I’m not afraid. I’m not afraid. (I insist.)

It didn’t kill me then. It’s not going to kill me now. (I remind myself.) 

My life is worth living, and there are fights worth fighting, and it is undeniably true the world is full of horror, but it is good to write and create and be alive, and it is good to try. I’m a little afraid to post this, but the fear and shame isn’t mine to hold, and I never should have been the one holding it. 

Consider this a thank you note sent out to the universe in the hopes the sentiment echoes towards those authors who saved me then and to all the writers who are saving people now. Your art matters. No matter how weird or niche or dismissed or hated it is. It matters. 

Thank you.

[byanyan]

post-college / tattoo artist verse updates, developments, & additional headcanons

ㅤcompleting their associate degree in fashion design at community college and deciding they aren't interested in spending another two years at school for a bachelor's degree, byan begins searching for opportunities in the fashion industry. while they do get more job interviews than they expect, nothing ever ends up being the right fit. either the interview goes horribly (usually due more to their personality and poor work ethic than the work they're capable of producing), or they end up walking out or getting fired before their first week is over (usually due to them creating a hostile work environment or them realizing that the job isn't as appealing as they thought it would be). growing more and more frustrated that none of the work is exactly what they want it to be, that they can't only work on projects that appeal to them, they also start finding that fewer and fewer places are willing to give them a chance.

ㅤwhile getting their latest tattoo done with an artist they've gone to for several of their pieces, who even gave them their first tattoo at age fourteen despite them not having permission from a parent or guardian, the conversation eventually circles around to byan complaining about their most recent job interviews and about how all the work is nothing like what they thought it would be. brea, the artist, who's known them since they were thirteen, has seen a lot of their work since they always want to base their tattoos on something they've drawn themself, and has let them watch her work numerous times over the years, suggests that, if they're interested, byan comes and does an apprenticeship under her. if it goes well, they stick with it, and they successfully get certified, she'll give them a guaranteed job in her shop at the end of it. although blown away by the abrupt offer, they can't deny being intrigued — having always found great joy in tattoos and even learning how to do stick and poke tattoos in order to be able to do several of their own, how could they not be interested? without so much as requesting some time to think about it, byan immediately accepts.

ㅤduring their apprenticeship, when they aren't doing things around the shop like cleaning and prepping work stations, they're drawing or watching brea or the other artists work, learning as they do so. they struggle a little at first, rather frustrated over being relegated to errands and chores most of the time, but they find the grunt work a lot more worth it here than they did in fashion jobs because they're learning a lot when they do get to watch someone work and have them explain what they're doing as they go. plus, they get to draw during work hours. ...although, they still don't handle even constructive criticism of their art particularly well.

ㅤit isn't until they've been there for well over a year in that they finally get to start using the equipment themself, start learning how to use it and start practicing on fake skin, then on themself, and eventually on clients willing to allow an apprentice to give them a small tattoo for a discounted price. all the boring work they've had to do around the shop becomes completely worth it the moment they finally get to hold the tattoo machine in their hand and put ink beneath skin. it was worth the wait, worth the failed attempts at getting a job in fashion, and even worth the two years of schooling for a degree they'll only ever make use of on the side. the instant they're finally able to do more colourful, more detailed tattoos themself, they become even more passionate about the artform than they already were.

ㅤthe downside to their apprenticeship is that it isn't paid — as it's more akin to another few years of schooling than an actual job, they make no money off of it. fortunately, their online shop, which has moved from etsy to its own domain by this point, has maintained its success and thus continued to bring in some money which they can contribute to rent, bills, food, etc. so that sol doesn't have to completely support the both of them. if they aren't working on drawing practice at home, they're working on clothing pieces to sell, as well as commissioned work. this means, unfortunately, that they aren't making as many pieces for themself as they used to or would like to, but it's a necessary sacrifice. they'll have time again in the future.

ㅤabout a little over three years in, byan finally gets certified and starts working full time as an artist in brea's shop, taking their own clients and getting paid quite well for their work. over time, they become known for their use of bright, vibrant colour and their specialty in both very cute designs and stylistic choices, as well as ones which put a darker twist on those cute designs.

ㅤat some point, they start playing with the idea of getting certified for piercing too, since they can do an apprenticeship for that right there in the tattoo shop (with brea as their mentor again, no less) when they have downtime between appointments, although they haven't made up their mind just yet.

ㅤoverall, they've become a fairly functional adult — they still live with sol and their two children cats, and overall they feel much more fulfilled in life. although they still get into trouble with the law, still get into fights for the thrill of it, still struggle with their mental health (while continuing to refuse therapy), and still fall back on unhealthy coping mechanisms... they're a lot happier than they've ever been before.

[punksocks]

Astrology Observations No.9 (18+ only)

No minors! Adults only pls

Just my observations take them with a grain of salt

-Venus or mars conjunction, square, opposition Neptune, pluto/ scorpio mars/Pisces mars/ mars 12th house/ Lilith conjunction, square, opposition Asc and 8th house - you probably straight up changed someone’s life after you -slept- with them and it was just another day for you. (Might be different for that Venus/Mars in a water signs, you might get attached)

-Cardinal mars start cuddling, fixed Mars never let go, and mutable mars will start and stop and start again over the course of the night

-Passive aggressive mars signs (Libra, cancer) and getting that pent up energy out during s*x and being rebellious in the bedroom

-Virgo mars dudes are switches until you swtich and they’re still like sneakily being dominant imo. Like they’re going to lead anyway because they know what they’re doing. It’s that virgo need for control, can’t turn it all the way off.

-Libra mars, you’ll probably attract partners that are fixated on your butt no matter what their placements are

-Libra mars (with your partner’s consent ofc) take a seat on their face (gemini, virgo, scorpio placements especially)and change their life

-All mutable mars are very kinky imo. Sag, Pisces, & gemini tend to try anything once and Virgos in particular will try like 90% of what you’re into bc they’re into pleasing you

-Lilith synastry and 8th house synastry get so intense. They both play into this ‘forbidden’ lusty tension that can make a connection super passionate. The person with the planets conjunct/square/opposition to your Lilith can hit a point where they’re overwhelmed though. Like something in their attraction to you maxes them out and they can’t handle it. (Not always but it can become a situation where you have to work with your partner to make the relationship thrive)

-Mars points to everyone’s s*xual behavior imo. The more masc you are the more it’ll tell you about this behavior, the more femme you are the more your Venus will color your experiences

-Mars conjunction, trine, sextile moon means your personality in bed will be similar to your personality in day to day life, perhaps more extreme in some ways but not a complete change. And you’ll slip into this pretty effortlessly. Mars square, opposition moon means you’ll have a completely different personality in bed vs your day to day life and you’ll shift into it seemingly all of a sudden.

-I have a theory that Gemini, Aquarius, and Libra Mars get more into s*xting and n*des and that sort of virtual exchange over hookups. Particularly without much earth or water in their chart.

-I think all virgo mars have s*x in the shower at some point, it’s just a perfect storm of cleanliness and efficiency lol

-Personally I’d guess that I’ve interacted with more mars signs but I only looked up the birth chart if they did what they did right. So I know a lot about Virgo Mars lol.

-After that I think Taurus Mars and Scorpio Mars were my best experiences historically, but like Virgo Mars—sheesh! That combo of not bragging but being very skilled and confident when it comes down to it? No competition (again just my experiences lol)

-TW (consent/assault)

Lilith strong (conjunction, square, opposition) aspects to 1st and 8th could mean that one of the strong reactions you get is that when you have s*x with someone you see a side of them that seems to come out of nowhere. Sometimes fun sometimes not, as things tend to go with Lilith (consent is always important so you should discuss your yes, maybe, no list with your s*xual partner!)

-Also no matter how chill someone seems they’ll probably be extremely dominant or extremely submissive in the bedroom because they’re reacting to your Lilith and they may be lowkey overwhelmed by that energy.

[astroismypassion]

Astrology observations 🪐🪐🪐

Credit goes to @astroismypassion

🪐When you have Pluto in the 7th house in your Solar Return chart that year you might feel tempted to sabotage your personal, one on one relationships, romantic partnerships, friendships and committed partnerships in order to form new ones. You will want to destroy them just so you can build new ones.

🪐If you have Pluto in the 3rd house in Synastry chart you two will be very competitive with each other, especially in running, cycling etc.

🪐People with Pisces Moon/Pisces IC or Pisces over the 4th house tend to find their one true love after they retire. Usually these people spend a lifetime finding a partner that doesn't make them feel lonely.

🪐With Pluto in the 7th house in the Solar Return chart you might enter a legal contract that year that could bring you debt the years following, so stay mindful with what you are signing when you have Solar Return Pluto in the 7th house.

🪐Mercury in the 5th house natives are extra competitive when playing board games. They desire to win at all costs.

🪐I noticed that whenever you connect with the Sun sign person of your Moon sign, for example you have Aries Moon in the 4th house and you connect with Aries Sun or Cancer Sun, you feel like you have hard time connecting with them through your own CURRENT interests. Because the Moon is so connected with the past, your childhood, upbringing and your growing up. With them you are always pulled in the past and nostalgia. You spend a lot of time talking about hobbies, interests that you've done in the PAST, but not so much actively, in the present moment. It's like they remind you only of the activities, interests, hobbies and passions that you had in childhood or while growing up, but it's much harder to sync in with them through your active, current interests that you have in your adult life.

🪐Mars in the 9th house always need to listen to music while they are doing an activity or while they are active, walking around the city, on their way to somewhere, while in transportation or during sports.

🪐Moving on to celebrity world, I find interesting how rappers Cardi B and Offset, who are married released song Jealousy since both have Scorpio Venus in their Natal charts. They are quite literally making money (Venus) off jealousy (Scorpio theme).

🪐The 2nd house shows on who you are spending your money on. So when someone puts their personal planets into your 2nd house, you spend a lot of money of them. And vice versa, when someone has your sign over their 2nd house, they might spend a lot of money on you. But with so not that often discussed, is that it goes the same for your Part of Fortune sign. If you have Sagittarius Part of Fortune, a Sagittarius Sun might give you money or spend a lot on you, buy you gifts. Since Part of Fortune represents also material wealth.

🪐People with Libra Midheaven are so fascinating to me. The native with Libra MC is always known for their partnership/marriage, they are known as "this person's partner/wife/husband". BUT the Libra MC native is always EVEN MORE well known or has more attention, recognized by the public than their partner/spouse. For example celebrities Kim Kardashian, who for the longest was associated with Kanye West and as "Kanye's wife", her popularity outgrew her husband. The same in case of Cardi B (Libra MC) and his husband Offset. Similary, Kylie Jenner (Libra MC) who dated Travis Scott, now supposedly Timothee Chalamet, she will always be known for dating these people, but will be bigger than them. To conclude Libra MC native will be always KNOWN by association, because of their PARTNER or who they team up with, but Libra MC native will despite that always be BIGGER, have even more attention, success than their partner in some sense.

🪐Capricorn Lilith is often faced with rumours and gossip about them in the workplace and usually they are started by a boss and distributed by co-workers.

🪐I noticed two signs repeated in charts that often point to extreme sensitivity. It's Pisces and Aries. Often times I noticed in individual charts of people who are in a partnership, most often one partner had Pisces Moon or Rising, Mars in their Natal chart and the other person had Aries Moon, Aries Mars or Sun in their Natal chart. So a Pisces Moon in a man's chart points to a partner that is very sensitive. And if the woman has Aries Mars, again it points to a partner with extreme sensitivities.

🪐Mars in the 9th house native is VERY DECISIVE. They often had a highly opinionated father with very strong beliefs, opinions. So early on they were taught by the father that is not okay for them to be indecisive or not have an opinion on something. But what is interesting that the Mars in the 9th house individual is very indecisive throughout childhood, but grows up very decisive and opinionated later in adulthood.

🪐Sometimes with Lilith in the 9th house, you might not feel fully accepted by in-laws, so your partner's parents. Could encounter challenges here with them. Another thing I noticed here could also be either your partner's parents never take side with you. They always defend your partner, their child and not side with you, even when you're right. Or they paint YOU the bad guy and not their child, so your partner. Be mindful if you share any partnership troubles with your partner's parents since they might not grasp your perspective well.

🪐If you have Composite Capricorn Ascendant, connection that the two of you share, will receive A LOT of attention from the public. People will be highly curious about it and very focused on your connection. You will draw quite a lot of attention and people around you will be invested in your partnership.

🪐Scorpio Moon and Cancer over the 8th house might consider intimacy that you share your phone/social media password with them.

🪐 Pisces over the 4th house often points to the fact that someone else is paying your rent.

🪐 If you have Saturn in the 4th house, Capricorn over the 4th house your parents might pay your rent or buy you an apartment, a home.

Credit goes to @astroismypassion

[tarotphlow]

Astro Observations 8

🌻Saturn in the 3H natives tend to have difficulties with phones or cars, whether that be always having a broken phone, or their car literally just not wanting to work for whatever reason

🌻Looking at what sign is located on your 12H could give you insight on to what life was like while you were in the womb. Ex: my 12H is in sag, before I was born my mother would pray constantly for her to have another chance at being a mother, she ended up having a kid with a man from a completely different state. (♐️ rules travel and religion).

🌻Have a big secret you need to get off your chest? Tell a Scorpio Mercury, they will never tell a single soul. I’m friends with a lot of Scorpio Merc’s and it’s amazing how well they can hold they’re water. (Hm, on second thought this might just be for scorp placements in general 🧐)

🌻7H placements how do you do it? Being so desirable to the point that people say they want to marry you without knowing anything about you at all? I just know y’all just smile 😀politely with so many confusing thoughts in y’all’s heads 😭

🌻I’ve noticed cap Venus will always gravitate to dating someone out of their age range.

🌻unlikely duo that actually goes super well with each other is Gemini and Scorpio. I think this has to do with how intelligent both of them are, this combo reminds me of detectives in a way.

🌻with NN going into Aries soon, Libra placements are gonna see a lot of stuff they buried in the distant past come back(like past life stuff 🕰️), probably gonna be a time of relearning some of those old old lessons or just seeing how well you developed since your last life!

🌻Moon in the 3H with a harmonious aspect with Uranus= extremely talented at vidya games 🎮

🌻If you have Gemini in the 6H you should try your hand at an online job, not as a profession but just as a job.

🌻Neptune aspecting your sun could indicate having trouble figuring out what you want to do in life.

🌻Uranus aspecting midheaven seems like you could be either really popular, really really weird or something of the two, but hey at least your smart😭😭

🌻Taurus Is definitely a foodie we know that, but surprisingly Capricorn is also kinda a glutton too lol, I have know idea why but I’ve noticed a lot of caps in my life really live for a good meal lots of savory things and also really really big on desserts as well. They also have sensitive noses, I mean scent is responsible for 80% of our taste so I guess that makes sense.

🌻our brains stop developing at age 25 and become a fully fledged functioning adult with no more growth which is really interesting because the profection year for age 25 is in Taurus which is the sign of stability.

🌻I really feel for Saturn dominants, they really just get the hardest trials out of everyone and expected to just be okay with that, Yk a lot of people say Saturn is gonna reward them and blah blah, but like I feel sometimes they’re trials are kind of unnecessary? Other planet ruled people (besides Scorpios) learn those exact same lessons but less harsher and the reward they get is quite possibly equivalent to Saturns soo idk… I feel like Saturn is just a bit much. (Let’s discuss this I’m curious to know what people have to say 🤓)

End of observations! I hope you all enjoy these as much as I did!

(Likes and reposts are appreciated! 💛)

[ikamigami]

I'M LEAVING SAMS FANDOM

And I won't continue watching any of these shows..

I decided that I can't enjoy Sun and Moon Show anymore when Davis and EC decided to mock me (and many fans with mental issues) instead of just post something on social media that would clarify everything.

Regardless of their true intentions people were hurt and it doesn't seem like they plan to apologize for this.

They want us fans to feel sorry for the fact that they decided themselves to post these episodes daily and because they're a small team they don't have a time to make their story more clear.

Many people who were self-projecting onto Sun and who made headcanons or just saw him as suicidal did that as a way to cope with their own mental issues and trauma. None of us were forcing anything on Davis and EC.. I definitely wasn't doing that - I don't know them.. I don't even know where they live.. I don't know who they're friends with.. I don't even follow (in a sense that I'm checking their social media) their social media - I only ocassionally see some posts on X from Davis because I followed him but like I said I don't spend my time to see what Davis and EC are doing.. I have my own life, my own struggles to care about and I thought that Sun and Moon Show can be a fun escape for me which turned out to be the opposite..

It hurts a lot because thanks to this show and thanks to Sun's character I finally reflected on myself and my own experiences.. and I was finally able to put together the broken pieces of myself..

They say that we're assuming something about Davis and EC but they're doing exactly the same thing when they portray us as creepy and disturbing fans.

Many people felt disgusted by that episode. And yet they didn't even care to make any clarifications because they don't give a damn.

I'm sorry that I didn't believe those people (who used to be fans of these shows) that Davis and EC don't treat mental issues with respect and that they mock people who have these mental issues.

I'm saying all of this as someone who really tried to defend Davis and EC's decisions many times. Trying to defend the way they portray mental issues. Trying to support them.

And what it left me with? The awful mockery.

I'm sure that they assumed some horrible things about me because of some well known fans in this fandom who were trying to paint me in awful light - that I'm disturbing for relating to Sun in more dark way (I saw Sun's behaviour and thought to myself that he act like me in many situations and the things he went through reminded me of my own experiences hence why I thought that he might struggle with similar mental issues to mine which also include being suicidal - I was passively suicidal for quite some time). These bigger names were laughing at my theories just because they didn't turn out to be true but they didn't care that the topic of suicide is something serious to me. They were bullying me. They also lied that I dragged anyone into discussions about this topic when it never happened. I'm talking mainly about a person behind Twinanimatronics blog. They told this lie when they assumed that I posted something on Tsams Confessions blog - where in fact someone just tried to defend me. And they did all of that behind my back - because they blocked me.

I was spiraling into despair and my mental state worsened when I've seen these awful accusations about me..

This fandom is toxic. Davis and EC can't act like adults but decide to mock fans.. even though the way they portrayed their characters drawed fans who has mental issues because they saw themselves in these characters.. and what they got is awful mockery..

My advice is to avoid Sun and Moon Show and any of these shows especially if you suffer from mental issues and especially if you struggle with suicidal thoughts.

I'm grateful that I met in this fandom some amazing people who showed me tons of support ^^

I can't thank enough to any of them for their support and kindness and lots of care they showed me 💗 Thank you ^^

I'll still keep in touch with my friends who I met through this fandom ^^

[tumblingxelian]

Wednesday Fanfic Concept - The Traumatized Time Traveler

Summary: Enid watches as her new roommate stares her down, glassy eyes wide as she offers her hand, the words "Wednesday Friday Addams," Escaping her mouth in an almost pained whisper.

Smiling brightly she grasps it, not too firmly given Wednesday looks like she might be bowled over by a stiff breeze and she cheerily greets her.

"I'm so glad you're here Wednesday, I'm Enid asiménio oíko Sinclair."

Her gaze flickered to the adults and she could only wonder...

Why were they giving Wednesday such shocked stares?

Concept:

Wednesday failed. Everyone died, even if Crackstone was killed there was no one left to celebrate just a mass of cooling corpses beneath the Blood Moon.

Goody, uses a back up plan involving all the energy from the recently dead Outcasts, the forests she cursed and Blood Moon to send Wednesday back.

But this means she is no longer around and Wednesday... Well the experience has kind of broken her. What's more the story is told entirely from the outsider point of view of other characters.

Her confidence has basically been destroyed by having been played so deeply and failed so terribly. She's being eaten alive by guilt from the past life and by her indecision born of trauma in this new life.

She believes she will go insane, possibly soon because she has lost access to her ancestors. She is suffering ghost pains for wounds she never got specifically in her hand, stomach and head, which can be debilitating.

Let alone the unwilling mutism which emerges when she feels overwhelmed, or the stray panic attacks and shut downs when confronted by people like Tyler or Thornhill.

Wednesday knows who the enemy is and what their plan is, but she's so fractured that anytime she tries to take action she starts shutting down.

Worse still she takes all of this to be curses so even the stuff that psychologically or medication could help with is off the table at first.

From Enid's perspective her roommate is just like, this extremely delicate and not very expressive psychic who she becomes incredibly protective of from like minute 1.

Thing is trying to decode how or why Wednesday suffered such a violent shift in personality. He believes its visions but can that alone explain it?

Also Wednesday's trauma doesn't only manifest in her being more fragile.

I have this idea in mind where after her first therapy session (Which goes better) Weems tries to take her out for coffee to bond. She does not grasp how desperately Wednesday wants to avoid this until she was briefly separated from her and Wednesday either shuts down or legs it to the car when confronted by Tyler and his dad.

Cue Wednesday returning to her empty rom room and having a world class destructive meltdown. One where she destroys a ton of her own possessions in a rage before collapsing when Enid finds her, falling into a panic attack at the thought of her leaving,

Enid ends up having to coax her through it with Kinbott on the phone before basically keeping Wednesday snuggled in her lap for the next few hours. Which also involves a lot of self loathing spilling out as she vents about how "Broken" and "Not meant to be this way" she is.

Some other factors include:

Enid being set off by Thornhill early on cos the woman is insistent on barging into their room to "Greet Wednesday" despite Enid telling her she's gone to bed & generally being kind of pushy.

This ad her discussion with Thing once Thornhill has been harried out of the room and forced to give them both detentions before Wednesday fell asleep again, reminds Enid of some near forgotten history with the teacher.

Namely of she and Thornhill having once been very close but going past her boundaries with stuff like, "Maybe I can help you wolf out?" only to grow very distant when Enid said she had to contact her pack elders to discuss any medical treatments.

Basically, Enid was Thornhills first pick for "Pet monster" but while Enid lacked a good support network in family she has a strong sense of cultural loyalty to the pack & is subtly leery of humans.

The West Wolf Packs also did not approve of some human pushing in on one of theirs. Weems obscured it as mere cultural ignorance and the diverse cultural and psychological developments of Outcasts mean the grooming attempts were not quite picked up on.

Rowan probably hangs around longer as a threat or maybe avoids death, which only enchances ENid's protectiveness and presents a constant underlying danger.

Xavier's also much worse here because Wednesday isn't outright hostile to him thanks to the trauma and her guilt. Thus he feels that the only thing keeping him & Wednesday apart is Enid + Yoko/Bianca when Enid's not around.

Weems and the Addams do try to intervene and speculate on why Wednesday changed so much, most think some kind of traumatic vision response.

Morticia: We grew so worried that there was hushed talk of seeking to cancel her arrival at Nevermore and seek some other deal with the courts. But when Wednesday heard our concern it was like it lit a fire in her little black heart again she raged at being treated so delicately. I had hoped this a passing thing because of that, but it seems the wound is deeper than I realized.

Chapters:

I have more chapters in mind for this but in broad strokes:

Chapter 1: Enid is very excited if a touch nervous to meet her new roomie & find Wednesday to be a fragile and shy girl who needs space from crowds during the tour. They communicate by sign for a bit and Enid gets a version of the Piranha story and promises to set the record on Wednesday straight with her just protecting family and not killing. Wednesday is also subtly clingy and clearly very tried.

Enid skips the rest of class to help Wednesday set up their room, and discovers her shaking hand and helps sooth it thanks to her own nerve endings being unique due to the claws. Wednesday has an early night but Thornhill pushes in (Acting off outdated info on Wednesday's personality) and tries to make her feel 'special'

This only serves to panic Wednesday and she's borderline forced out of the room by Enid. She ends up giving her detention which does make Wednesday act, demanding she have one too. Thornhill plans to use said detention to try 'bonding stage 2' and agrees. Wednesday is coaxed back to sleep then Enid finds Thing and they chat and agree Thornhill feels sketchy.

Chapter 2: Wednesday's sleep is obviously quite troubled so even with an early night she doesn't seem super rested. But she joins Enid for breakfast and exchanges class info with Yoko & Divina who subtly agree to keep an eye on her in classes Enid does not share.

Enid needs to leave to speak with Weems and manages to basically char the principle into letting them off detention by being very careful with her words. This being one of the reasons Weems felt Enid would be a good room mate for Wednesday too.

While this was happening however Xavier approached Wednesday with his little spider drawing. Divina & Yoko's pre-existing relationship and Wednesday's seeming acceptance made them at first allow it. But it became clear he was making her uncomfortable and getting way to into her space and ignoring their attempts to make him leave.

Then Enid returns and jams her claws into the spider and in swiping the sketchpad off the table places her other claws at Xavier's throat moments before he could start properly yelling.

"Oh sorry!" Her voice is stretched thin like a dying man's scream, "I was trying to swat an uninvited pest." Her lips pull back unnaturally far revealing every pointed fang, "Want to give me a fleshier target?"

Suffice to say Xavier pisses off, but will return to continue being awful. Enid is worried she scared Wednesday but she instead the girl seems very relieve.

There is actually still a fencing match with Bianca and it actually goes on for awhile. Wednesday gets the first round (Thanks to knowing how Bianca will move) But Bianca picks up on the fact Wednesday was not reading her moves & goes full chaotic, and gets the second point. Then they fuel for the third for awhile before Bianca wins and they go off to wash off.

While in the showers though Bianca finds Wednesday's ghost pains playing up though they are not the reason for her loss but we see they confuse and distress her a lot and that she thinks they are a curse not trauma. Bianca is very much not hostile to Wednesday in this who is intern not hostile.

Chapter 3: Wednesday's therapy session with Kinbott goes better than canon. Her guilt over the woman's death does make her talk a little. Plus the negative reputation of Outcasts compounded with the circumstances of the attack (Pugsley) and Wednesday's delicate disposition lead Kinbott to think the reports were all exaggerating her behavior.

Weems takes her to the Weathervane and Wednesday struggles to speak to protest. Because Weems is there the pilgrim boys are not an issue. However Tyler gets a call to the Weathervane from Thornhill as ;apparently; Weems's phone is not working.

He uses this to try and approach Wednesday about a 'rumor' ad then his dad arrives to be all aggressive and posturing. Weems returns to either escort a near catatonic Wednesday out or to find she is basically huddled up in the car outside.

Wednesday returns to her room and has the ensuing meltdown with Weems calling Kinbott for advice. Enid forces her way in and terrified of Enid leaving her Wednesday both starts crying and having a panic attack. After that was soothed and it was promised Galpin would be kept far away from her (With Weems promising to look into his 'nonsense claims) Wednesday stays with Enid and gets the first good nights sleep she had in awhile.

They also have a little talk with Wednesday feeling worthless because she "Cannot do what she needs to" and Enid assuring her she doesn't need to do anything to deserve love. Which Wednesday returns regarding her transformation. Suffice to say, Enid s very adoring of her.

Also Rowan has likely made at least one murder attempt at this point.

Chapter 4: The school day goes well save for some 'accidents' and Wednesday has so far managed to avoid Thornhill who has been updated on Wednesday's disposition and is trying to re-calculate her strategy.

Wednesday also joins the Hummers and is very, very insistent Eugene never enter the forest alone. EVER.

The main focus is actually the harvest festival and cos she slept well Wednesday is closer to normal though be it still clingy with Enid and trying to be a bit more communicative with Yoko & Divina too.

Wednesday: Why does a town without farms have a harvest festival?

Enid: Oh I know this one! Basically, about 200 years ago, the land across the rver where Nevermore is built came ot life. Within a few weeks the forests had grown devouring fields and houses.

Divina: Naturally Outcasts were blamed, as though the land obeys our every whim.

Yoko: Though it could have been some ancient curse coming to life, or just the earth waking up. My Sire hints at this stuff but I won't know till I ascend.

Enid: Yhe point is, the town lost most of its farms and a collection of Outcasts with wealth bought the land, warded it and built Nevermore. Since then Jericho had to move away from farming and into other stuff, like tourist attractions and big game hunting.

Wednesday: I see... (Takes bite of hot dog) A rather apt microcosm of Americas evolution into a theme park dedicated to itself then.

All three laugh.

Tyler shows up again to try and give Wednesday a police report but gets chased off by the girls, but Wednesday 'has' a vision it was a police file about her father

They go om the Ferris wheel while Weems goes to speak with Galpin and there's some talked of calling Galpin with a false tip to see if he is obsessed with Wednesday's dad.

Small town cop is super bigggoted and has an agenda is much easier for them to buy than a monster murdering a guy they saw being alive. Rowan may make some attempts but does not succeed but there's definitely a sense Wednesday is in danger. Bianca may help.

Chapter 5: I have less clear ideas on this, but Wednesday's sessions with Kinbott continue. The general consensus is that Tyler's dad has some beef with Wednesday's. Also there is some subtle guiding towards investigating certain events that will be plot relevant later.

Also Wednesday helps the team with the Po-Cup perhaps. Not sure if she goes ahead t lay traps, or Yoko is snuck onto the island, or if Wednesday just alters the ship. Though I do love the idea of Enid fist fighting a Siren underwater and winning. Also Rowan may use this for another attempt.

After that things grow a bit more vague, hence my not writing it.

Note:

One thing I like exploring is Outcasts actually being, ya know, hated and feared and how this would inform and influence even perky characters like Enid.

Also Wednesday low key may fear Enid likes this version of her better. But does also know how far Enid went for her in the original timeline.

Though yeah she is low key dependent on Enid who doesn't quite realize it or know how to fix it and just wants to protect her.

[minnaci]

sorry i know i am not a hellaverse blog but i just watched full moon and i felt so strongly about it that i got out of bed, opened my laptop, and logged into the tumblr website for the first time in months because i knew i would want a full keyboard for this.

disclaimers: i enjoy the show and especially this episode! i like all of the characters, including stolas. what i say is colored by my own experiences and perspectives (ie, i am biased and this is my opinion)

tldr; i find it hard to like stolas in full moon. i also find it hard to empathize with stolas, if i'm being honest, and especially when it comes to his relationship with blitz. warning for full moon spoilers and discussions of racism-adjacent classism.

within the hellaverse exists clear social and economic stratification between "royalty" and "imps", with stolas being the former and blitz being the latter. much like in real life, these social identities inform everything about these characters and the way they interact with the world and each other.

stolas, to put it bluntly, is rich, and blitz is not. stolas lives in a lavish palace with imps as servants. he is not shown to interact with other imps outside of this master-servant relationship. hell, even when they were children, blitz was quite literally purchased for stolas. blitz's first impression of stolas was being sold to him, while stolas was none the wiser.

this is not necessarily stolas's fault. he was sheltered as a child, and even as he grew into an adult, he remained sheltered, seemingly ignorant to the very real class divide between him and his newest paramour. from the very beginning of their reunion, blitz uses his body to provide a service to stolas in exchange for his livelihood, and stolas accepts it because that's the way stolas is used to interacting with imps. stolas continues to "hire" blitz, both as a bodyguard and as a sex worker, and while he understands that this relationship is transactional, he doesn't really see anything wrong with it until the shitshow at ozzie's.

there is no awareness of how uncomfortable this might be for blitz. there is no empathy for how blitz might react. stolas treats blitz as an object, a plaything, a living, breathing sex toy (at one point, stolas calls blitz his "impish plaything". can it get any more clear?). as long as stolas owns the grimoire, and blitz needs the grimoire to survive, stolas can leverage that for whatever he wants from blitz. it's coerced consent. it's been coerced consent from the beginning. there is no acknowledgement that stolas holds the only key to blitz's livelihood. not until ozzie's.

only after blitz says, to stolas's face, that their relationship is completely transactional, does stolas finally begin to scratch the surface of how large their difference in perspective is. where stolas has been playing at a fantasy of being in love, blitzo has been doing what he needs to do to survive. to keep his family afloat.

and full moon. god, full moon. one commenter on youtube described it as an "ambush", and i am inclined to agree.

blitz was prepared to do what he's had to do. sex for survival. he bought out nearly the entire lust district for it, because even then he could sense that something had changed, and that he'd need to really impress stolas for things to continue as they were-- for blitz to be abel to continue to make ends meet. what blitz had no way of knowing, though, was that stolas was re-writing the rules of the metaphorical game they were playing. sure, stolas gives blitz the asmodean crystal, thereby "freeing" blitz from stolas's service, but in the same breath, stolas lays down a new set of expectations. stolas is no longer willing to accept sex as a service. stolas now wants love.

it would be a lot for anyone to take in. imagine you enter your boss's office for your performance review. you think this boss is hot. you maybe have a big crush on this boss. but they tell you that you're being fired, effective today. but they're giving you a foot in the door at a different company because they care about you. also by the way they fell in love with you, which is why they fired you. honestly? i'd probably react pretty poorly to that.

and for blitz, who has gone his whole life being told, implicitly and explicitly, that he is unworthy of love and care, both as a product of his personal experiences and as a product of his socioeconomic class, that's a whole fuckton of shit to take in. it feels almost logical for blitz to treat it like a joke or some sort of performance, because what other explanation is there? stolas is royalty. and blitz... blitz is just blitz. blitz, whose parents cared more about fizzarolli than him. blitz, whose father sold him to some rich asshole. blitz, who, in his perspective, knows better than anyone else that his greatest assets are what he can provide for other people: sex, assassinations, and more sex. blitz, who, in his mind, has ruined every relationship he's ever touched, from his parents, to his friendship with fizzarolli, to his fathering of loona, to his disastrous fling with verosika.

blitz, who was given all of thirty seconds to process that stolas really does "care for him deeply" before stolas dismissed him and shoved blitz out of his life for good because blitz didn't respond (read: perform) to his satisfaction.

i am not saying that blitz is perfect or blameless, because hell knows he's not. he took advantage of stolas's naivete in a plethora of ways. he's a literal murderer. he does treat the people around him poorly. he has hurt stolas, and fizzarolli, and moxxie and millie and even loona. blitz is brash, rude, and emotionally stunted. but much of this can be at least in part attributed to his childhood and the scarcity mindset with which he was raised. when every interaction you have is transactional, even the ones you have with your parents, it takes a lot longer than the 30 seconds that stolas allowed blitz to process that someone genuinely cares about you in a way that is not contingent on you doing things for them or otherwise being useful to them.

all that to say, i feel for stolas, but feel for blitz more. i think this episode did a really great job of like... really digging into the crux of the problem in the stolitz relationship, which is their fundamentally different perspectives and life experiences, even if the finer points about class and socioeconomic status weren't explicitly discussed.

[bluerasbunny]

ok, i've seen a lot of debate on this and i just want to put in my two cents real quick!

explaining my reasoning for why i think sun is seeing us as a child and not an adult in help wanted 2

(aka. world's most incoherent sun analysis)

to preface; no hate at all to people that want to think of this differently! everyone will have different perceptions of help wanted 2 and that is fine!! i understand the upset about the changes to suns character and i hold no grudge against people that dislike the ruder portrayals of sun!

this is just my personal beliefs and analysis i've made!

hello hello! i apologize if this is incoherent, this was originally written on discord and i'm just pasting it in and formatting it for tumblr!

i am open to discussion on this, but PLEASE be nice (and use tone tags!!)

"Bad kid, bad kid! I'm putting you in timeout!" "You stay in timeout until your parents arrive!" - sun, help wanted 2

these two lines. are INCREDIBLY significant to this and why i think there is just literally no way he's seeing us as an adult at all!

why on EARTH would sun pull the time-out line if we're an adult? why in the world would he refer to 'your parents', why would he call us 'bad kid'? sun has the capability and sense to recognize an adult when he sees one, and honestly i feel like sun would be more polite to staff than this! not out of genuine respect, no- out of genuine fear. a common argument i see is 'maybe he's being mean because it's a training thing with a staff member playing the role of a child', but this circles right back to the point that sun would not be a bitch in front of staff. he is smarter than that, that is a fast track to a whole world of hell for him and i DOUBT he'd want that. keep in mind sun is an actor, he knows how to throw on a little show and pretend for the eyes of someone he'd need to pretend for i think what we see in help wanted 2 isn't a VR version of sun, it's not him being a bitch to staff- i don't think sun ever had the balls to be rude to staff, knowing his life is in their hands- i think this is just. who he REALLY is. like that is sun, at his core, before it all went horribly HORRIBLY wrong. keep in mind the first time we saw sun was at his worst. his worst point mentally, the most scared he's been in his life (barring RUIN, he was also pretty fucking scared in that- but in some way he had hope. he knew how to fix this, he just needed someone to help him. there was NO hope for him in SB, he was totally at moon's mercy), paranoid out of his mind and desperately fighting against moon. we CANNOT take that as a representation of who sun is, who he REALLY is when he's not out of his mind scared. sun in HW2 is casual, he is calm- only a little afraid, when nap time draws near, but not 'standing on the desk losing his fucking mind clawing his face yelling about lights on and why would we, a small child, do that' afraid which is a significant difference! he even THREATENS us with nap time, showing that he's clearly a lot calmer and in his right mind- he is lax and well. i think this is, again, evidence that this is just who sun really is i understand why people don't want that to be true!! i understand why people want to believe that maybe sun isn't as rude as this- and honestly, i don't think he always is that rude!! i think we're still missing vital pieces to who sun really is beyond the mortal terror, we have not seen him in his theatre days still but help wanted 2 is the first time we have EVER seen sun calm and not acting like the world will explode if moon exists for even a second. and that is so incredibly significant in the portrayal and discussion of his character and personality and with the context that sun is an actor and designed for theatre- there's also reasonable proof to theorize that maybe his daycare persona, the way he acts in security breach before you go behind the counter, is a performance. he overblows it and goes WAY over the top. y'know. like a stage persona. i think part of it is being conditioned to act that way by his environment, yes!! but i also think that a lot of it is acting. note how he starts on what resembles a stage in SB, making a grand entrance as if walking out as a performer. note his dialogue in help wanted 2 (and listen closely!! pay attention to what he says, the circumstances of it all!!). note his mental state in security breach and parallel that to HW2. note the details. you might notice something new about our beloved jesters!

tldr; sun isn't being an ass because we're an adult, that's just how he is, even WITH the kids!! HW2 is the truest, closest representation to who sun is that we have ever had and we cannot use SB or RUIN as a representation of sun's genuine personality due to the circumstances he's in at the time and his behavior likely being incited by paranoia and it may potentially be a performance sun is putting on.

i don't think sun is a sweet sunshine boy (i do not have any issues with people that do want to see him this way though! love everyone's interpretations!!), i think sun is a multi-faceted and flawed person, and that is so incredibly interesting!

[mxtxfanatic]

Book of the Week: To Be a Virtuous Wife

Author: Butterfly's Shadow Beneath the Moon/Yue Xia Die Ying (月下蝶影)

Genre: transmigration, ancient setting, revenge, josei

Rating: M

My Synopsis: Qu Qing Ju lives by one philosophy: here for a good time, not a long time. That means eating well, dressing beautifully, and, due to lack of modern entertainment, outmaneuvering all the tyrants who bullied her original host. It doesn't hurt that this life comes ready-set with a handsome husband in tow. Said husband, He Heng—between scheming against his brothers for the throne—just wants to know if his new wife has always been this interesting.

My Actual Review: In order to understand Qu Qing Ju as a character, you need to understand that despite her being a girls girl, that doesn't mean she'll take shit. So she's all for empowering the women around her—as long as they don't fuck with her bottom line. For the characters who meet that condition, she coexists peacefully with them, and they love her. Fuck with her, though? You'll never have another peaceful day, if you’re so lucky to even have a long life. There's probably more I could say about He Heng, but honestly, the thing that most stuck with me was how much man just really loved his wife and desperately wanted to know she loved him back.

As much as this story involves the main character getting revenge against those who transgressed against the original host, I feel like a good deal of tension in the story comes from He Heng trying to convince Qu Qing Ju that he is not a useless man that'll abandon her the moment something new and shiny comes along. Lots of narrative discussion about the role of women in ancient China, the unreliability of men, and how women need to be able to depend on each other for aid rather than clinging to the power of others in hopes of earning a secure life, which is a common discussion in all of this author's josei novels. Speaking of which: content warnings for the usual with this author, including underage marriage, pregnancy, etc. (if you want to count it, since technically the mc transmigrates in as an adult, but the original host's body is a teen). Other than this, a little bit of suspense and a whole lot of comedy is the mood of this novel!

Translation: complete

[the-lunar-library]

TO THE RAVENS

A stranger – an outcast – a secret plot... Could you fool them without making the whole city want to kill you?

Rejected by her clan, Akantha has few options. In the Roman lunar colonies, where people are winged and there are rumors of barbarians beyond the city walls, she knows to keep her head down and not hope for a great destiny – or anything beyond what the gods, the Romans, or her city allow a mere woman.

But then, a stranger enters her life, Alexandros the Peregrine, a mysterious golden prophet. He claims he can make the city his – and hers – with just their wits. He speaks as if the Romans can't hurt them. And as for the gods? He's about to make a god of his very own.

With humor, romance, and biting emotion, Akantha's story unfolds. Alexandros will change her life forever. Is he a savior who will bring her freedom, or is he a force far too dangerous for her to fall in love with?

Briefly:

historical fantasy

standalone (155K words), not part of a series

an adult novel, though older teens could also read it

Imperial Rome (160s CE), but set on the Moon

a young twentysomething heroine who's very much an outcast

a handsome, reckless stranger

a cult!

Warnings: Violence; non-explicit sex; issues surrounding forced, arranged, abusive, and underage marriage/sexual contact; child and infant abuse, including death; pervasive cultural misogyny; the strongest warning is that this is a book about a cult, and while sometimes I play up the humor and absurdity of their practices, there are times when I go into the various forms of abuse inherent to such a situation.

All of these warnings make the book sound very gritty and grimdark, but I don't believe it to be. None of the sexual or violent stuff is explicit, and overall I feel the message is hopeful. I consider the ending a happy one.

Is it similar to your earlier books, The Price and Prey of Magic and The Escape of Lady Aigle?

Yes: We have a female protagonist and a lot of female support characters. There's some romance, but it's not strictly a romance novel. There's a lot of questioning of characters' motives, how trustworthy they are, and how the heroine's decisions affect those around her. The characters are sometimes taken to dark and dangerous places, but emerge with hope. There are fantasy elements, but it's not a novel about quests or wizards.

No: It's set in the real world – sort of. The action is all on the Moon, but a lot of the world-building is based on historical research. It's saucier than Papom or Eola, discussing sex more overtly. I would say the tone is also funnier, though there are some heavy, more emotional moments. There's a focus on religion, both positive and negative elements.

I see bat wings, is the main character a demon?

No, not at all. She's a human with wings.

Do you have to be an expert in Greek and Roman culture to read this?

Definitely not. Anything that's vital for the reader to understand is explained within the story. Other things, like some brief references to Greek mythology, are thrown in to make it feel more immersive, but they aren't necessary to understand what's going on. There's also a glossary in the back, but you should be able to read through without needing it.

Do you agree with everything your characters say?

Absolutely not, and that includes the characters I like very much, like Akantha. The book is set in second-century Rome, so I did my best to reflect the attitudes of the times, even ugly ones. I don't want the reader to feel like they're in the twenty-first century with some Roman window-dressing. This isn't to suggest all my characters are awful people, but they're coming at some subjects from a very different cultural context than we do. Their perspectives are different and, sometimes, wrong.

Is this book pro- or anti-religion?

Because it's about a cult, and because it's set in the Roman empire, religion is examined quite a lot. In the cast, we have Greco-Roman pagans, Christians, and Jews. Characters voice a variety of opinions, but I didn't write the book to proclaim you should or shouldn't belong to any of these religions. The only religion the book says you shouldn't be part of is, well, the cult.

How much is this based on real events?

It was inspired by a real cult that existed in the second century CE as documented by the writer Lucian of Samosata. I took direct inspiration from that account as well as a number of Lucian's other essays. However, in my telling, things are much more fiction than fact; this is not a faithful attempt at historical fiction. Anyone doing a school report on this cult should not cite me as a source, as hilarious as that would be.

Is there a snake in this?

Yeah, it always seems like there's a snake somewhere in my books.

[mxlfoydraco]

Unpopular hp opinion: snape is a good character and a terrible person. These opinions can and should coexist!

He serves to further the plot and serve as a mini antagonist that’s more relatable at school in the early years. I sincerely don’t understand the pro and anti snape tags because he may have had reasons to do things but it doesn’t excuse him (*jake Peralta voice* cool motive still murder bro). Similarly removing him from the story removes conflict necessary to drive the plot

My feelings about Snape are unpopular on both the pro and anti side. 😅

Snape was a terrible adult and there’s no excuse for his abhorrent treatment of already traumatized children, especially Neville

He was also an abused and neglected child living in poverty, literally no wonder he had anger and self-worth issues

Snape did at least trivialize his friends’ bullying of muggleborns and thought it was fun (e.g., Mulciber and Mary Macdonald)

BUT Lily also let him get away with that behavior and stuck by him knowing the crowd he was getting into, if I was a fellow muggleborn I’d resent that a lot

James took things way too far and incited the hostility between them, SWM was inexcusable. he went beyond the actual reasons Snape deserved to be criticized so much that those got glossed over

BUT Snape was actively trying to expose Remus as a werewolf, which he later did! that would not only get him kicked out but also registered to the ministry, yeah of course that’s agitating the friends who are breaking the law to protect him?? He went into the willow on a full moon while suspecting Remus was a werewolf. SIR

Also yes, I too would bully a racist classmate, sue me

Snape didn’t actually want to be a teacher and Dumbledore used his grief and regrets to keep him under his thumb until he was useful, he never had a life that was his own and maybe he could’ve become a better person if he had a chance to not get reminded of the worst moments/mistakes of his life daily yknow

He was willing to let Voldemort kill Lily’s husband and baby, the latter he went ahead and tormented knowing he was orphaned bc of his snitching for looking like his dead father also murdered bc of his snitching

That’s so cruel and petty, also disrespectful to Lily’s memory

He could have taken another path and exploring that in fanon can be fascinating! That can be done without excusing his fuck ups!! It is compelling to see such a hardened and closed off character find softness and empathy so yeah I get it!

One side ignores the circumstances that created such a bitter, resentful and lonely person and the other side acts like he’s a poor little defenseless baby who wasn’t giving it his best in return and acting a fool. like. can we find a middle ground please

I’ve been holding this in if you couldn’t tell lol bc I used to be so strict w my stance too. I find arguments from the both sides valid but the discussions get so polarized

[twiixr4kidz]

Ell0, here with an oddly spfic request, agian. So basically I want a Matthew Patel x reader one shot but like a r0meo and juliet forbidden romance…. Thankies!! (Also pls make it in da time the rest of ur oneshots is set in) 💀🎀

uhm YES. i kinda went crazy with this so i hope you like it!! also, i can totally make a part two to this because i left it off on a cliffhanger xD

matthew patel x reader: modern romeo and juliet

you and matthew had met under unfortunate circumstances. the night you'd met, the moon was full and beaming in the sky. stars speckled the black night like sprinkles on a cupcake, and you were preparing for your last night out. your family was moving to a foreign country, and you'd barely had the time to ready yourself for it. it was already a lot to handle, on top of having to move from in-person studies to online and leaving all of your friends behind.

despite the fact that you were an adult, your parents were incredibly controlling. it was either you agreed to go, or your parents forced you, and you knew it wasn't worth fighting. so, that night, you'd gotten all dressed up to hit the town once more with your best friends. you'd cried before and you knew you were going to cry saying your goodbyes, but you wanted to live in the moment. you took a deep breath, once more checking your appearance in the mirror. you cleared your throat, and then called to your parents and let them know you'd be back soon. you'd hadn't exactly gotten their permission to go out, but who cares? it was your last little rebellion before your life was changed forever, and you had absolutely nothing to lose.

after blowing way too much money on food and clothes and other material belongings, one of your friends hit you with the idea of going to a bar. you discussed it for a little bit but the ultimate decision was "why not?"

you couldn't remember what you ordered, just that it was disgustingly sweet and a little bit fruity. after a few more drinks, you were approached by someone who looked almost like a pirate. for a bar, he was dressed awfully casually. he was wearing a black and red striped with a brown dress coat and a pair of jeans. you were on the tipsy side, and whenever you squinted at him, you swore you could see an eyepatch over one of his eyes.

"hey," he said, smoothly (not smoothly at all) sliding over to where you were standing. to be honest, he was already a little drunk and he stumbled over to you. but there was something about him that drew you to him. he had a certain glint in his eye, it was almost innocent. he seemed as if he could do no wrong, but you were still cautious.

"hey," you responded. you were a lot smoother than he was, maybe because you'd had less to drink or maybe because you were just more charismatic. whatever. the man was feeling that same pull towards you as you were to him. but the glint in your eye was more... lost. he could almost see something was wrong; you were holding something back.

"my name's matthew." he stuck his hand out, unsure if you were going to accept it.

you did. "i'm y/n."

he cracked a bit of a smile.

"and what's an attractive face like your's doing here by yourself?" you laughed off his words. "oh trust me, i'm not alone. i'm here with my friends-" you cut yourself off, seeing that your friends had dispersed and spread all around. he only nodded.

"so uh, really, what brings you here?" you sighed. you knew if you told him the story, the floodgates would open and you'd lose it.

"oh, yknow, just thought it'd be nice to get out and have some fun." yeah, no way you were telling some stranger your deepest most personal issues.

another nod from matthew.

it was quiet between the two of you, besides the pounding music that was probably damaging your poor eardrums. it wasn't that kind of awkward silence you usually get between two people who'd just met. suddenly, he stretched his arms and threw one of them around you. it was stupid, but it made you laugh. he circled your drink around in your cup and took a little sip. someone came in to the bar, and the sweet evening breeze kissed your skin ever-so-nicely.

"you wanna get some fresh air?" you asked, looking up at matthew. his eyes widened a little bit before he nodded. "it's so hot in here, i just thought it would be nice."

he kept his arm around you as the two of you walked out. before you left, you gave one of your friend the heads up that you were going to step out.

the bar wasn't super fancy, but it did have a pretty nice patio area with a couple chairs and tables. just like you'd predicted, it was cool out. the breeze felt so nice on your skin, and you pulled your hair off of your neck and basked in it. you sat down on a chair, making yourself comfortable. matthew had already done the same. he'd kicked his feet up on to one of the tables.

you looked out into the distance and took in the view. aside from the bustling bar behind you, you could hear the sounds of the city below. people in their cars, honking at other people who can't drive to save their own lives, the sound of rushing water coming from somewhere behind you, the occasional shout and holler. the lights were bright, but the moon was brighter, and the stars dotted the sky in random patterns.

"hey matthew?" you broke the silence, although your voice wouldn't raise above a whisper. "hm?" he responded.

"have you ever just wanted to run away from everything, but no matter what you try to do, you can't? like there's something keeping you from living your life, but all of your attempts to escape it are in vain? cuz you know that you aren't going to be able to?"

woah. heavy question. you cursed yourself out for asking a stranger something so personal, but you felt he was different. he WAS different.

at first, he didn't respond. he sort of looked at you, all speechless. but as he thought about it, he spoke up.

"yeah, i know what you mean. sometimes i feel like everything is kinda pointless," he paused. "is that why you're here tonight?"

you just sighed, before humming a response.

"my parents seem to think they can still control my entire life, and they've decided we're moving out of the country tomorrow. there's nothing i can do to stop them. they won't listen to reason. they want me to come with them, and they're going to stop at absolutely nothing to make it happen." so much for not telling him.

"yeah, i hear you. my parents used to be just like that. i don't really talk to them anymore." he chuckled.

it was silent again. the city lights were burning your eyes, and the bar was much too loud. tears were starting to well up in your eyes, and you tried your best to blink them away. you felt matthew's warm hand reach out for yours. and, to your own surprise, you grabbed it back.

you weren't sure how long you'd been out there for, but it had been long enough. that you knew when the friend from earlier had come to grab you. you and matthew were still sitting there in peace and quiet, holding hands. you let your friend know you'd be ready in 5 minutes, and she went back inside to grab the rest of your group.

you hesitantly let go of matthew's hand before standing up. you didn't want to leave. you didn't want to go home. you wanted to be there, in the moment. you wanted to stay. and matthew could feel how tense you'd gotten. he could tell you weren't just fucking around. he knew. he understood.

"i, uhm," you sighed. "i have to go."

before you could turn to leave, he wrapped his arm around your waist. "just another minute, please?" you looked away, pondering the answer you'd already had. of course you were going to.

"...okay."

he reached his other hand out to caress your face. his thumb rubbed your cheek as he ran his finger down your jaw. he gently held your chin in between is thumb and his pointer before looking into your eyes.

"may i?"

you nodded.

he pressed his lips against yours. his lips were soft, and he was so gentle. your body filled with warmth, tingling from head to toe. you had to hold back your excited giggles, letting him kiss you for longer. eventually, the kiss was broken, and your head rested in the crook of his neck.

"okay, now i REALLY have to go."

"can i at least have your number? so i can talk to you when you're across the country?"

you exchanged contact information and headed out with your friends. it was way later than you wanted it to be, and you were prepared to get an earful from your parents. you were dropped off at your house at about 1:30 AM, and the lights were on. you sighed, opening the front door and walking into the dining room, where your parents were seated and fuming.

they immediately bombarded you with questions. "why were you out so late? why did you leave without our permission? where did you go? who were you with? what did you do?" blah blah.

you sat down across from them, looking them in the eyes with a mixture of pain and anger. "i don't want to leave." your parents were shocked. their eyes widened, and your mother spoke up.

"you don't have a choice. why wouldn't you want to come with your parents, dear?" you rolled your eyes. "im an ADULT, mom. i don't wanna leave my friends, i don't wanna change schools, and i met a boy who-" it was your father's turn now.

"absolutely not. i forbid it. you're not staying here just because you met a boy, y/n! that's absolutely ridiculous. you aren't allowed to date just because you want to!" he was hysterical. your mother grabbed him by the arm and said, "listen, y/n, it's not happening. who even IS this boy?"

"his name is matthew patel, and-" your father cut you off yet again. "...patel? PATEL?" oh no. "no, absolutely not, a million times no! you're ridiculous, y/n. i've heard things about that patel kid. his parents have told me all i need to know. he's a disrespectful, irresponsible heathen of a man. you're not staying with him."

of course, you were distraught. you tried to explain yourself, explain how you felt, but they wouldn't listen. just like you thought. you didn't know what to. your head was swarming with thoughts, and you wanted to fall asleep and pretend none of this was real. you went to your room, slamming the door and burying yourself under the sheets. you cried until your stomach hurt and your eyes burned, and you wouldn't stop crying until nothing came out.

if only mathew were here.

[reindeer-writer]

Sun and Moon DCA hospital AU version A

some ideas for a sun and moon hospital AU, taken from my main blog, posting here since it kinda counts ig

They share an office, but have seperate consultation rooms

they split kids based on personality, Sun takes the outgoing ones, Moon gets the shy ones

the waiting room has lots of toys in a toy box, a little playhouse to sit in and one of those wire things where you move the beads from one end to the other, plenty to keep the kids entertained while they wait

speaking of, the waiting room is reminiscent of a daycare, painted with bright colours, the aforementioned toys and even a selection of kids shows playing on a tv on the wall (it's usually muted, so Mr. Bean is on there a lot)

Sun:

his consultation room is bright and inviting, decorated with little stickers of the sun, rainbows, cute pictures of happy kids seeing doctors etc.

he always greets the kids with excitement and enthusiasm, tries to get them excited for whatever it is they're in for, after all, doctors aren't anything to be scared of, and he wants them to know that

when talking with the kid's guardian he's pretty calm and standard, though still very enthusiastic, he loves his job

makes the visits fun, makes parts of the checkup a little game that the kid can participate in, like trying to see how long they can say "aaaa" before they need to breathe

gives scared kids lollipops before the checkups to build trust, they tend to be more willing to listen after that and sometimes even get enthusiastic about it too

gives kids who behave throughout the entire thing cool stickers and lollipops (if they didn't already get them at the start)

Moon:

his consultation room is a lot more calming, painted a soothing shade of blue with posters up that either show anatomy of the human body or provide interesting facts about it.

classical music playing in the background

he speaks to the kids very formally, treating them as equals and not lesser because of their age

will always give a little mint candy at the start of the consultation to the kid so they have something to suck on and do while they wait for Moon to finish speaking with their guardian

he has tiny desk toys like a newton's cradle for the kids to play with while they wait

talks to the child while he helps them, usually about what's happening at school or their friends, what they like to do, etc.

will demonstrate the scarier equipment on himself so the kid sees it's ok

let's them keep a small, cheap, medical themed toy for them to play with when they get home, like something you'd get from McDonalds

now where do we fall into all of this? Well

You:

You're a young, inexperienced doctor who's just been hired at the same place as Sun and Moon

you work with adults, but realise that you prefer kids and start speaking to Sun and Moon about working with them

they don't mind having an extra set of hands, so after a bit of discussion with the suits, you end up as a nurse of sorts

you're great with the kids, attentive, patient, all the things that make a caring doctor

seeing this, the boys start falling for you, but in an attempt to not mix work with personal life, ignore it

it grows worse however, as you continue to prove your diligence and care for others they just fall harder

[teawizard]

Okaaaay! 'Week 2' of @encanto-extended-edition event!

Relationships...... (warning: a lot of words, I feel like I am coming up with the stuff on the go, but some pictures too! So please at least have a look at them!)

I am slowly reimagining Daniela's whole narrative and I want to focus on her having the time of her life :)

So, I thought that making her a part of a small chaotic friend group would be fun!

Daniela (left) and Dioselina (middle) are close neighbours, really old childhood friends and are really passionate about art, acting out their favourite books, etc. Bruno joins the group later.

Dioselina

Dioselina is a really huge support for Daniela. She lives on a farm and is used to manual labour from when she was little. Due to an accident, she loses her right arm but is still insistent on helping her parents and siblings. She is kind of stoic and brave, sociable and very confident. Dioselina is like a 'straight one' of the group, the voice of reason. She is more inclined to music than other art, but because she lost her right arm, she is not capable of playing musical instruments and is left (😉) with singing which she does really well.

Her deal with Daniela is that Daniela is 'the creative and crazy one'. As they are close friends, Daniela is comfortable to be her curious and impulsive self around Selina. They really enjoy talking with each other, they have the same sense of humour. And Selina keeps Daniela out of trouble :)

Bruno

Bruno is introduced to Daniela by Dioselina. One day Selina went to him for a vision, than he almost had a breakdown because it was the third vision that had to do with the agriculture that day. Selina felt sorry for him and asked about the familiar book she'd seen on the shelf when she'd entered the room. They talked a bit and she left. She starts to visit him, they talk about the book and they get close really fast.

Bruno isn't really shy at this age. He is adventurous and gets really irritated that he has to do visions for everyone everyday (because they are good visions mostly). He has some friends at school, but most of them think he is weird, because he can infodump about books or future for hours and has no filter, so he sometimes says a lot of disturbing shit. His sisters love him and defend him against bullies, but they have too much responsibility. They skip school a lot and don't really share his interests.

So, when he meets the girls, he is over the moon. They share his interests, they listen to his rambles and come up with scenarios even crazier than he saw in the future 'movies' (whatever that means) and they don't 'censor' him. Of course, it takes time for Daniela to warm up to him, but she does eventually.

The group

As a group they are a menace really. Bruno is usually the one that initiates 'the troubles', Daniela supports him and makes it more unhinged and Dioselina is here to look at those idiots fail and then help them.

At first, they try to prevent Bruno's visions from coming true. As an experiment they try to not let old Señora Sevanna's favourite apple tree fall but they unknowingly trigger said vision and end up in trouble.

As Bruno is overly righteous, after some not good people asking for his vision, he asks the girls multiple times to help him take revenge. Daniela usually gets really agitated and they come up with a thousand plans to kill the guy, but Dioselina reasons with them and they instead steal his chicken or trick him into thinking his barn is haunted.

Also, I thought, one time, they try to make Bruno more popular. They fake some of his visions, Dioselina gossips around town that she had heard only good things from him, because his limit of good news is one vision a day, but it ends in the whole town standing in line and fighting to get Bruno's vision first.

With time they become less interested in the shenanigans. They gossip about their respective sisters and brothers, their friends from school, discuss their future. Daniela is the one that brings up 'adult stuff' on the group meetings. She hangs out with her brother and sister's friends sometimes and also found a dirty book in her siblings' room, though she doesn't know who it belongs to.

SO being high on the hormones and her mother disapproving her friendship with Bruno, they start a relationship, which ends fast. They aren't exactly ready for marriage (they are 16 and 18 come on), and Daniela doesn't want even to kiss Bruno. They decide to be friends, but after a year or two he falls in love with her and is low key miserable.

(a first version of their group 'photo' in their 20-ies)

(a second one, which is accidentally a Modern AU and look! they wear each other's colors!)

Okay, when they are 20-ish they still hang out. They love playing little pranks, but generally they have their own struggles and really miss hanging out every day.

Bruno gives more bad visions with time and becomes more of a recluse. He still goes to town, sometimes they meet with Dioselina, he visits Daniela's workplaces (sometimes accidentally, sometimes on purpose). The girls are worried about him and try to cheer him up. In public spaces he is shunned and Bruno is very uncomfortable, even more when Daniela is almost screaming at people for being jerks and Dioselina tries to shut her up. In private Dioselina and Daniela end up having conversations that Bruno can't contribute to and he gets frustrated and leaves. The girls try to make things better by making the town not that feared of Bruno again, but fail. Bruno is hurt that he is a-

Oh no, it is sad again. Soooo, let's end here, before it becomes worse :)

[kiefbowl]

I’ve seen a lot of people on radblr say they think asexuality is incredibly rare if at all extant, and I’m a bit confused by it? I experience sexual attraction very rarely, and experience it as more than a fleeting urge/interest almost never, so while I don’t identify as such, I don’t really get why there’s such skepticism around it? I’ve been celibate 98% of my adult life, and I know a lot of people in their twenties who haven’t had sex. It’s not something they advertise or discuss typically unless with someone else who’s also “perpetually single” but I don’t think it’s as rare or unlikely as it’s sometimes made out to be? I do think the “ace” community on here is nothing of the sort and is genuinely abominable - LGB had a robust enough class consciousness that even as the TQ has fought to erode their existence there’s at least a strong pushback. Meanwhile it was so early on that people who enjoy sex started saying they were ace, that actual asexual community building was annihilated before it could go anywhere or mean anything. There’s also the fact that asexuals really do not need political organizing - no desire to hold hands in public or engage in relationships means no marginalization to fight against. The worst things you can experience are pressure from family/friends/work, but that’s literally nothing, and pressure from men if you’re a woman, but that’s misogyny. If it hadn’t been destroyed by people who wanted to feel special in the stupidest possible way it could have had some value in normalizing people not needing to be in relationships, not just as something temporary but as a lifestyle, and as a way of in general fighting a culture that pressures women to say yes and fear saying no. …this got a bit tangential. Anyway while it is certainly a minority occurrence - is there a reason for the skepticism toward asexuality beyond the same issue that’s affecting everything, people who clearly aren’t ace destroying the meaning of the word?

I can't speak for everyone, but when I say it's rare, I mean that it's rare as a naturally innate orientation. asexuality would be no attraction ever, and can't be learned or gained and would never be possible for that person. I only think it's important to be pedantic about this when discussing orientation, so that the word orientation is understood in any context.

When it comes to any of the multiple reasons why people might see themselves as asexual because of external factors, I'm not interested in correcting them, not least of which not having sex is fine and even great! I'm not even interested in asking them to explore that and try to determine why they might be asexual, because it's their business and they don't owe me or anyone else anything, and I don't feel entitled to that. However, the line will stop if they choose to be openly homophobic or misogynistic, which I've seen. I think we're allowed to say "why do you think you can think like that? say that to me?" pretty much any time someone is being openly offensive.

I hope I'm being understood here. I hope people understand why it's important to say if you almost never feel sexual attraction except actually once in a blue moon you do and that attraction is always heterosexual, it's important to define that as heterosexuality as an orientation. Orientation is not a measure of how often you desire sex, but who you're attracted to, and in a homophobic society this matters a great deal.

Under no circumstance for any reason do I think anyone should be pressured to have sex, nor does sex need to happen to prove an identity to another person. Sex should only be had willingly and enthusiastically. And never having sex your entire life is more than okay, and I hope lots of women consider if that's actually something they want!

Thanks for the q