#Also how can i as an art history student complete my ancient studies class with knowing zero about ANY african culture’s art

[skipp3r]

they make us read west centered colonizer mindset shit. How can you as an art historian reduce egyptian culture to “egypt like” bro😭

[risetherivermoon]

Hogwarts - An Explanation

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Hi! this is me forming a schedule to detail how i imagine daily life would consist of in Hogwarts! (because im a nerd and this is what i choose to do with my time)

Note: that this schedule is not canonical, it's something im using for a fic and probably will use in future ones, although highly based off of canon information that we have about how Hogwarts works, not all of this is accurate,

I also give anyone who wants to use this full permission to!

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Here is a time table i created of how a weekly schedule for a First year would look like:

- I'm using a Block and Period system for this, as to not be confused, Periods are specific to each day where as Blocks are specific to each class!

- All meal periods are school wide, although attendance is not mandatory (except for the feast once first arriving on sept 1st)

- i am also using a system where the days switch off as in a A day and B day schedule, with Wednesday being a day where they have all of their classes

- A day consists of A Block-D Block, each Period is Two hours long,

- B day consists of E Block-H Block

- I Block is the Astronomy class which takes place at a different time than other classes, so it isn't included in this, it is shown three separate times in the chart but the student should only have this class twice a week at most

- On a Wednesday, or an All Block day, they have all blocks, though the class periods are only one hour long instead of two hours like on a normal A and B day

- Class hours go from 7:30am-4:30pm everyday

- Curfew is from 9:00pm-6:00am, though this does not apply to students who are in Astronomy between these times

- Curfew on Saturdays and Fridays (although not said in the chart for convenience) is from 10:30 pm-6:30am, as it is the weekend

- All meals are at the same times everyday besides weekends, where the periods of availability of food in the Great Hall is longer than usual although starting at the same time

Now, the Block Schedule:

- In the charts above, i have an example of how these blocks work, the first chart shows First Year, the second, Second Year, and then the Third, well...you can kinda guess

- The classes that are highlighted with grey are the main courses that every Hogwarts student are required to take each year:

- Transfiguration

- Potions

- History of Magic

- Defense Against the Dark Arts (DADA)

- Charms

- Herbology

- Astronomy

- These classes stay in a students schedule every year, if we look at the chart that shows the First Year schedule, it has Flying as one of the classes:

- When you are a first year you are required to take one class of Flying, although it is an extracurricular course without an O.W.L. (Ordinary Wizarding Levels) exam,

This is what the first chart looks like filled out using this block system:

- Going back to the previous charts, In the second year chart I have removed Flying and replaced it with a Study Period, you can see that theres is another one of those there already as well

- Once entering their third year, a student in Hogwarts gets to pick from a selection of electives, two of them to take (these classes, although having O.W.L. exams, do not require you to stay in them, and you can drop these classes whenever)

- Care of Magical Creatures (CMC)

- Divination

- Arithmancy

- Muggle Studies

- Ancient Runes

- These, plus the required courses make up all 12 O.W.L.'s

- The hypothetical student used in the third year chart has chosen Divination and CMC as their electives, so they replace the once Study Periods with those classes

- Although they lose Study Periods, they are provided time after classes and on the weekends to complete school work and study (during exam season I imagine that teachers provide students with being able to use whole periods to study for that specific class)

- A student has until their fifth year to start thinking about O.W.L.s and change electives if needed or wanted

- On the other hand, because of this system of scheduling, it makes wanting to do more than two electives difficult, if not impossible

- This is is seen with Hermione in poa where Mcgonagall spoke to the ministry and was able to give her a time turner so she could attend all of her classes

- Using a time turner (in this situation to get all 12 O.W.L.s) would most likely, look something like this:

(sorry for the weird cropping on this one)

- The blocks that have two classes would be times where a student would have to use a time turner to go back in time and do a class after finishing the first one because of the classes overlapping

Then, there's extracurricular classes:

- Flying

- Quidditch

- Art

- Apparition

- Muggle Art

- Frog Choir and Hogwarts Orchestra

- Ghoul Studies

- Magical Theory

- Music

- Muggle Music

- Xylomancy

- Alchemy

- These classes are ones that usually take place outside of the normal school hours, on weekends or after school on weekdays

- These classes do not have any O.W.L.s and are usually low effort compared to other classes

- The extracurricular are mostly similar to after school clubs in other schools

- Apparition would have an exam at the end of 7th year to determine if a student is allowed to apparate.

- There are most likely more of these although these are the ones i could find canonical relevance for

- In a schedule, these classes would be mentioned as extra blocks & be placed at their respective times:

- These two schedules are more similar but i'd imagine that students 5th/9th period blocks would be at different times depending on the class

- In the beginning chart the ones that are highlighted in a lighter grey are extracurricular classes

- There are a few things I may edit in to these schedules that i haven't right out of laziness, such as Hogsmeade times on those weekends, and different things like that, how Hogwarts holiday weeks works for kids who stay at the school in the holidays, and what houses have which classes together (so i may make an updated version of this schedule at some point)

you're free to ask me questions if you have any, id be glad to answer them, thanks for reading my slow descent into madness because of times and scheduling for a school that doesn't exist!

lets hope im good at explaining things lol

---

[sarahadjoa]

Virtual Museum Reflection

Touring the Met kids 

         For this Virtual museum tour reflection I wanted to tour a museum that I enjoy visiting, the Metropolitan Museum of New York. Since 1870, the metropolitan museum of arts has been giving people the opportunity to view amazing collections of art from around the world and from different time periods. Looking into this assignment and clicking on the link provided by the Professors, I was agreeably surprised to see the Metropolitan Museum of art tour museum designed for kids and decided to give it a tour with my daughter and see how she would react to the interaction as a Kindergartener.

                                                     #METKIDS

 As we clicked on the link that led us to the Met kids museum visit, we spent a good amount of time on the map deciding which area to visit as we found that selected art pieces were available for us to learn about. The image was quite overwhelming for a Five years old but as I started explaining more about it, she automatically started getting interested in discovering the treasure hidden in the image. One of the first art pieces we explored was the Seated couple realized in the early 19th century by a Dogon artist from Mali. The interaction is extremely well made and also designed for adults to be able to share with a younger crowd more facts and information about the piece of art they are seeing.  After reading about the piece of art, the descriptive of the art piece gave us a little more depth into our reflection. In another section, it is proposed that we imagine beyond the artwork : “ These two seem to be watching something. What do you think they are looking at and what would they say to each other if they came to life?”. A simple question that sparks a greater conversation.

                                      Michael C. Rockefeller Wing

Touring another section, we ended up ironically on a painting of Henry Matisse, “Nasturtiums with the Painting ``Dance" I” , the artist studied this week, and we went from one art piece after the other . From this metkids tour and as a teacher I thought it could be interesting to tour The Michael C. Rockefeller Wing . This section of the museum displays unique work from African, Ancient American and Oceanique art. The section englobe 3 different important civilizations, but for today’s assignment I would focus on the Sub-Saharan Africa section of this wing. Africa is a diverse continent and often. The sculptures found in this section are impactful to young viewers; from their  originality, forms, and diverse origin, so much can be said about the few art pieces we decided to look at. African art is also a culturally rich gallery and often not talked about enough in my opinion; while studying communication design prior working in a school as an early childhood educator, it  was often surprising to see the lack of references made to African art before taking an advanced history art class which led me to want to incorporate this topic into this assignment, after all some of the most famous artist of this world were inspired by the African art ( Matisse,Picasso) .

Touring the MET had been a fun experience and introduced us to a new way of learning at home. Looking deeper into the Museum website, we also learn more about the renovation of the The Michael C. Rockefeller Wing, and the renovation of the African galleries will not only be the first since the inauguration of the wing, it will also be “ Giving voice and making visible the continent’s artistic dynamism, audio guides, film footage, and prompts to additional online content will complete these galleries and contribute to a refreshed understanding of Africa’s artists’ cultural achievements.” a great promise to introduce the African Arts to students that would have never been exposed to it otherwise.

Metmuseum.org. (n.d.). Retrieved June 14, 2022, from https://www.metmuseum.org/

[emsylcatac]

Oh man, really appreciating the extra French cultural insight on ML, so thank you for all of your elucidating! Have you made any posts covering common school events/milestones, and/or how teens tend to celebrate holidays in Paris? I know exams are different and that proms aren't really a thing, and the show has given us some insight into field trips (not too different), but do you know of anything else fandom tends to miss?

Heya!! :D

Thanks for your feedback & you’re very welcome!!

I haven’t done any post regarding school events or holidays yet, so let’s do that now!

School events/milestones:

First just a quick explanation of the French scholar system:

Maternelle (= Kindergarten): 3 years, from 3-4yo to 5-6yo – Petite section · Moyenne section · Grande section

Primaire (= Primary school): 5 years, from 6-7yo to 10-11yo – CP · CE1 · CE2 · CM1 · CM2

Collège (= Secondary school | Junior high school): 4 years, from 11-12yo to 14-15yo – 6ème (said sixième) · 5ème (cinquième) · 4ème (quatrième) · 3ème (troisième) – school start around 8:30am and ends around 4:30pm, with 1h lunch-break and 15min break in the morning & afternoon. – except on Wednesday ends around 11:30 or 12:30.

Lycée (= High school): 3 years, from 15-16yo to 17-18yo – 2nd (said seconde) · 1ère (première) · Tale (terminale) – Same about breaks & lunch breaks & start of school, but usually ends around 5:30pm. – except on Wednesday ends around 11:30 or 12:30 (or if you’re unlucky like I was the school organises exams on Wednesday afternoon from 2 to 4h straight but most schools have free Wednesdays afternoon)

Currently, Marinette & Adrien are in their finale year of ‘collège’ so in ‘3ème’ (called ‘troisème’).

So about major end-of the year exams:

End of 3ème (around the end of June usually): ‘Brevet’ – it’s a national exam and every student in the whole France have the same examination questions. They have to revise courses they had during the whole year and can be pretty much interrogated on anything they’ve learned. One exam per subject. Writing exam subjects are: French, Mathematics (main ones), History/Geography, Sciences (with Physics/Chemistry and/or Earth&Life Sciences and/or Technology). Added to that, they have an oral exam. It’s about Art History or a project they’ve conducted throughout the year (alone or in groups, however they get an individual score) Side note: this one is pretty ‘easy’ to have and you really need to want to fail to actually fail. It also takes into account the general score you have during the year and allows you to have a few points in advance. For instance, I was a good student and my general score was high enough for me to have enough points to already have the ‘brevet’ before even taking up the exam. It’s usually the case if your general score is equal or above 16/20 I think)

End of Terminale (around mid-June): ‘Baccalauréat’ – it’s again a national exam but much more important. You can’t pursue your studies if you haven’t passed it and will need to repeat the Terminale year. Subjects vary depending the course students chose when they entered their “1ère” year (it’s kind of a lot to explain everything there especially because the system have completely changed this year and teachers & parents are complaining about it, so I’m going to quickly talk about the ‘old’ system where basically you chose between scientific course, economic & social course or arts course; there’s others but those were the main ones). Again, you need to revise everything you’ve learned throughout the year and can be interrogated on anything. There’s writing exams as well as oral exams and practical exams (for sciences).Side note: Contrary to the ‘brevet’ this one is harder to get. I’m not saying it’s super hard, but students with school difficulties can fail even if they worked for it. Only the score you get at this exam is taken into account, not the general score you got during the year so you can’t “have” your Baccalauréat before taking up the exam.

End of 1ère: some exams of the “Baccalauréat” occur in the 1ère year but not a lot as well as a group project.

Proms, holidays & others undercut to avoid long post:

Regarding school proms, we indeed don’t have them as much as people in Canada or the US. It mostly depends of your school: some will organise them at the end of 3ème or Terminale because it’s the end of a ‘cycle’ sort of, but they’re mostly just events with food brought by everyone and music. You rarely have to find a partner to go to a prom with you, except maybe if the school you’re in has decided on that. Some schools don’t organise any.

Other special event that can be organised in your school (and again it depends how strict the director is and all) is carnival. We all come with disguises for the day. My ‘lycée’ was pretty strict about it but we managed to allow it during my finale year and organise a concert during lunch-time. We had to be recognisable though so no full-mask or full-makeup. But the previous years it was forbidden. We didn’t have any carnivals during collège. It again also depends on your school’s policy.

________________

Holidays

We have 4 in-between holidays and one summer holidays:

“Vacances de la Toussaint” (vacances meaning holidays): 2 weeks around end of October & Beginning of November, including the 1st of November. Usually, people tend to stay at home or visit family members that are living far from their home. Some might travel a bit as well but it’s not often. So some teens will visit their friend, maybe celebrate Halloween but Halloween isn’t that big of a thing here and it’s disappearing more and more.

“Vacances de Noël” (= Christmas holidays): 2 weeks including Christmas day and New Year. Mostly spent in family, some might go skiing but it’s rare and there’s less chance to have enough snow for that in the mountains.

“Vacances de Février” (February holidays): 2 weeks in February, sometimes a bit in March; dates change every year because all of the French regions don’t have the same dates for these holidays so teenagers will be in holidays 1st, 2nd or 3rd depending the year & region. Lots of people who can afford it will go skiing in the mountains one week; it’s pretty expensive so not everyone do that but still a lot.

“Vacances de Pâques / vacances de printemps” (Easter holidays / Spring holidays): Again 2 weeks, with dates changing like in February. Mostly around April, sometimes end of March. People tend to stay home or go a bit in the South of France if they can afford it or have enough time where the weather is warmer, some will visit family members, etc.

“Grandes vacances” (= big holidays or as you would say, Summer holidays): Lasts 2 months in July & August. School ends either end of June or beginning of July depending the grade you’re in and the end of the year exams you have, and will start again at the beginning of September. Some teens would go on family holidays somewhere (mostly to the sea or the mountains or abroad), some in summer camps, some would stay at home, some all of those.

Anyway, in all those holidays teens can meet-up and hang-out with their friends, do sleepovers, etc.

________________

School trips

School trips always have a cultural & educational purpose and will depend on the subject they’re being made for. You can visit museums, special cultural or historical places, etc. Most of the time you leave for the day by bus.

In some cases you can do a 3 to 5 days (or more depending your school) trip to another European country like England or Spain or Germany, maybe Italy. Those are opportunities to learn more about the other country’s culture (I know that when we did those trips we stayed in hosting families) learn and speak a bit the language, and learn history of the country depending on the outings of the day.

________________

Anything else fandom tends to miss?

Ok so it could take a lot of time and everything isn’t coming to my mind but one of the main thing I tend to see in fics is “Americanisation” of the French school system if that makes sense. Which is logical because it’s kind of hard to understand how everything works in another country without living in it.

For instance lots of people in fics write things like “they share maths classes together but not French, so Adrien takes Marinette to her class before going to his” and not really: you stay the whole year with the same classmates and share all your courses with them. Only exceptions are if you took some particular options (like someone took Latin and the other took ancient Greek or nothing), or depending the 2nd language you chose to learn (German or Spanish usually but some schools offer more choices). Or if you’re in a practical course, then you class might be split in half but with Marinette & Adrien’s class, they’re already not numerous so I’d say the whole class would share them together.

There’s a lot of other things but they’re not coming to my mind right now or are too long to detail there (for instance what I said above about scientific/economic&social/arts courses), but I’ll make sure to share them if I think about it :)

Thanks for the ask, I hope I answered what you were looking for!! ♥

[malfoys-demigod]

One Ticket to Ilvermorny - Draco Malfoy x Reader

Summary: You have been offered to be part of a one year exchange student program at Ilvermorny School of Witchcraft and Wizardry by Hogwarts. As you get comfortable over there, especially with American boys, your childhood best friend and longtime crush Draco Malfoy finds a way to enroll there. 

A/N: The prompt is similar to my other work Exchange Student Pt. 1 and 2 which is a Tim Drake x Reader version. 

Today was one of those frequent nights where you and your family would be invited by the Malfoy family to have dinner at their Manor. You were neighbours with them, making it easy to understand why you and him were best of friends since the beginning of your lives. Your parents were well known and wealthy purebloods and also best of friends with the Lucius and Narcissa. 

Today might have been one of those nights to have casual dinner with them especially right now during the summer, but this time your attention was recently bought in an instant when Dumbledore sent a letter to your Manor a few weeks ago, announcing that he has happily chosen you to represent Hogwarts in their exchange student program. At first you were excited because you’ve never been to America but then you realized that this would mean being away from Draco. You were scared of the idea of returning a year later seeing Draco with a girlfriend you didn’t know about as your friendship with him would get worse from not seeing each other. But your parents saw this as an opportunity to build your responsibility skills and boost the family name. So to experience a once in a lifetime thing, you accepted it. 

Before leaving your manor for Draco’s, you politely asked your parents not to be the one’s to announce your move to Ilvermorny. But somehow, they forgot about it. It had to be you. 

Everything was going alright, Lucius was talking ‘Ministry Business’ to your father, your mother gossiping with Narcissa, and Draco talking to you about how he’s excited to return to Hogwarts with new brooms for the team. Then that’s when Lucius brought school up. “That’s right son, we bought the latest brooms once again for Draco’s Quidditch team. It was no problem of doing that.” 

“Y/N, you have to try out for the team! You promised you’d try out, this is the year! Plus, you’d get to show off our brooms to everyone at school.” Draco begged. 

‘Here it goes. Time to break the news.’ you thought. But before you could say a word, your father spoke for you. “Unfortunately Draco, we just received word from Dumbledore that Y/N will be attending Ilvermorny Witchcraft and Wizardry this upcoming school year as part of the exchange student program.” he said proudly. 

At the same time, the Malfoys go:

Lucius: That’s excellent news! You bring honour to your family as always, Y/N!

Narcissa: Congratulations, Y/N!! We’re always proud of you!!

Draco to you silently: W-what?

Since dinner was done, you and Draco excused yourselves to go outside so you could explain things to him. Draco crossed his arms with a mix of sadness and confusion in his face. “Why didn’t you tell me this?” You placed both your arms on his shoulders with a pleading look, “Draco, believe me. My parents promised that I’d be the ones to announce the news, but I guess they forgot. Look, we were only aware of this for a few weeks-” “Few weeks?! Y/N we’re bloody neighbours! You could have dashed to my doorsteps the minute you found out!” Draco interrupted. You sighed and looked down at the floor, “I just didn’t have the guts to tell you. You know I wanted to decline the offer but my parents thought it would be a good idea for me to go, so I obeyed.” Draco nodded his head, very much understanding the demands of parents similar to his. “I’m going to miss my best friend so much. Promise to owl me? I’ll get us the best owls that can travel from here to America.” You hugged him softly, “I’ll owl you every week, Draco. I promise.” 

5 Months after

As Draco was in his dorm studying for his upcoming potions test, his owl dropped by his window, clutching to your letter. Draco in excitement took the letter and opened it, knowing it was from you as the Owl breathed heavily and rested. 

Dearest Draco, 

Another week, another letter, right? I hope you’re enjoying your weekend like me over here. Remember my newly acquainted friends Andrew and Nathan? They’re driving me to a nearby city called Pittsfield in the Berkshire county. We’re going to Berkshire Museum! They said it’s a museum of art, natural history and ancient civilization. Then we’ll be watching performing arts at the Colonial Theatre. For snacks, we’re going to get some Ben and Jerry’s ice cream for Andrew and I, then some Dunkin’ Doughnuts for Nathan. I hope we end the day by visiting the public library, I mean it’s near Dunkin’ so why not right? How are you over there? I miss you, D. Sending you my hugs.

Sincerely, 

Y/N. 

For the first few months, Draco really enjoyed reading your letters and sending you his. When your friends Andrew and Nathan came into the picture, Draco would look at their names with complete annoyance and a hint of jealousness. One thing he was scared of was losing you to American boys, especially when you wrote to him saying how cute their accents are and how different they act compared to English boys. He had to stop them before one of them would call you his. He wanted you to be his, but he couldn’t do anything since he was all the way here... Maybe if he could ask his father to do something.. maybe transfer him for the remaining year? Draco did not hesitate and write a letter to his father about his idea, hoping he’d allow Draco. 

-- 

“Mr. Malfoy, your student tour guides have just been informed of your arrival. They’ve been cut from their classes to show you around for the remaining few hours till classes end. If you could just take a seat outside my office, they’ll be here soon.” the headmaster said. Draco nodded and nervously sat outside, hoping all goes well. 

As he was looking down at the floor, all he could see were two pairs of shoes in front of him. When he looked up, he assumed they were his tour guides. “Oh my gosh. Don’t tell me you’re Draco Malfoy.” the one in the left said with excitement in his eyes. “I thought you would know, after all you’re the tour guides.” Draco said with confusion. The one in the right rolled his eyes with laughter, “We were rushed with no information about the student we were going to tour, after all you’re the one who arrived school in the middle of the year and in the middle of the day.” 

Draco stood up and extended his hand, “Draco Malfoy, as you obviously know. The two of you are?” The left one shook his hand, “I’m Andrew, and this is my boyfriend Nathan.” the right one now shaking his hand. Draco then realized something, “Wait, you said you weren’t given any information about me. But how did you know my name?” 

Andrew smirked at his boyfriend, “Y/N of course. She talks about you non-stop. We wouldn’t have needed a picture to know what you looked like. She always talks about how soft your platinum blonde hair looks, your gorgeous face, and everything else.” This made Draco blush and scratch the back of his neck. “You know, if you didn’t tell me you were both dating, I would have hexed you both by now. You see, every time she’d owl me, she’d always include you both. I thought one of you would make a move on her soon so me being jealous, had to fly here.” Nathan gave his boyfriend puppy eyes, “AWW he’s totally into her. I KNEW IT!” Both boys grabbed Draco’s arms and ran outside the office, heading to the library, knowing you’d be there since it was a free period for you. 

You were calmingly about to owl another letter to Draco when suddenly you see Andrew and Nathan burst into the library, holding a familiar face in between them. 

Draco. 

Before you could drop your parchment and run, he dashed towards you and pulled you in for a passionate kiss. You were surprised at first, but you kissed him back, not caring about the students watching you. As you pulled away, you gave him the biggest hug you could give with all your energy. “DRACO LUCIUS MALFOY! How in Merlin’s beard are you here?!?” you laughed. 

Draco brushed a stand of hair from your face, smiling, “I missed you, Y/N. I couldn’t survive a year at Hogwarts without you by my side. School isn’t the same without you. MY LIFE isn’t the same without you. I love you, so, so much and I thought either of your friends here would take you away from me. I just couldn’t imagine another guy by your side. I want you to be mine.” You kissed him in the cheek, grinning at him, “I’m yours. Always and forever, Dray.” 

[carewyncromwell]

"Cover my eyes -- cover my ears -- Tell me these words are a lie... It can't be true that I'm losing you -- The sun cannot fall from the sky... Can you hear heaven cry the tears of an angel?”

~“Tears of an Angel,” by RyanDan

x~x~x~x

tw: character death, brief mention of violence 

The Battle of Hogwarts, taking place the night of May 1st 1998 and into the next morning of May 2nd, was a dramatic day in the Wizarding World’s history. It was the day that Lord Voldemort fell at the hands of Harry Potter and the Ministry of Magic successfully seized back control from the Death Eaters that had infiltrated it -- the day that marked the end of the Second Wizarding War and a new beginning for wizards in the United Kingdom. 

It was also a day, however, of immense loss. Although most magical historians (and authors writing books about the infamous Boy Who Lived) tend to gloss over the names and identities of those lost in favor of the grander-scale historical strides achieved by the end of the War, those who actually fought in the Battle -- such as Jacob Cromwell -- never forget that.

Once known as the “delinquent” who pursued Hogwarts’s infamous Cursed Vaults as a student, only to disappear mysteriously for seven years and then reappear looking exactly the same as when he vanished, Jacob worked hard to make a better name for himself. Once his fight against R was finally over, he set about traveling the world and taking on as many areas of study as he could, using his extensive knowledge of Transfiguration, Potions, Charms, the Dark Arts, defensive magic, magical and Muggle history, Legilimency, Muggle science, and both modern and ancient languages to pioneer new magical discoveries. One of his most passionate interests was in applying Muggle chemistry and biology to the fields of Potioneering and Magizoology, and through those advancements, he was able to not only introduce the use of the periodic table to advanced Potions classes and the principles of evolution to advanced Care of Magical Creatures classes, but also help develop a slew of new antidotes for magical creature venoms. Despite this, though, Jacob was enough of a vagabond with no definitive sense of direction that he could be easily persuaded to jump back into Cursebreaking -- the thing that first brought him and his once-boy best friend Duncan together -- and through Cursebreaking, Jacob met Lugh Hopper. @thatravenpuffwitch​​

The Patriarch of the Hopper clan was a very brave and dedicated family man, even despite the tragedy in his life. During the First Wizarding War, he lost not only his wife, but his son and daughter-in-law, so he’s always been quite protective of and nurturing toward his grandchildren Ellie and Jacob Hopper. With this in mind, it’s not entirely surprising that a man with such good paternal instincts and such a fearless spirit took a liking to a reckless, passionate nerd like Jacob Cromwell. They were both Legilimens with a strong devotion to family and a lot of courage, and honestly, Jacob C was just entertaining to go on assignments with, considering he never flinched away from a challenge and would get over-excited about the littlest things. 

Jacob Cromwell had never had a real father figure in his life before, since his father Evan had never been very affectionate or supportive toward either Jacob or Carewyn and ultimately abandoned his family when Jacob received his Hogwarts letter, and so Lugh filled a hole in Jacob Cromwell’s life that he barely even knew had been there before. Lugh validated Jacob’s intense passions and desire to fix people’s problems and make the world better, even after all of the mistakes Jacob had made in his life. The older man wholeheartedly supported Jacob when he put his Cursebreaking assignments on hold to return to Britain, supposedly to “research at home” for a while, but in truth to help his sister Carewyn hide Muggle-born fugitives from the Ministry of Magic. And when both men arrived at Hogwarts on May 1st, they greeted each other with a casual hug, slapping each other’s backs, as if Jacob Cromwell was just as much Lugh’s grandson as Jacob Hopper was.

The two men fought side by side some of the time during the Battle. Both were extremely talented magical Duelists -- Lugh had once worked in the Auror Department alongside Alastor “Mad-Eye” Moody, while Jacob had been a dueling prodigy since he was still at school and had in his travels studied with a Native American wizard about how to fight with two wands simultaneously. Despite this, however, the casualties in the Battle of Hogwarts were very steep indeed -- and sure enough, one of those casualties was Lugh, who only went down thanks to the combined efforts of four Death Eaters. 

When Lugh went down, Jacob Cromwell -- who never was very good at containing his anger -- lost his head completely. He tore into the enemy forces with both of his wands, mercilessly cutting them down with an assortment of both dueling and Dark spells that other members of the Hogwarts army wouldn’t have dared use. He used Transfiguration to fuse one Death Eater to a suit of armor, even if the metal cut painfully through his flesh and bone. He seized one Death Eater’s wand arm with a spell and then dislocated it, twisting it completely the wrong way. He even impaled one of the men who’d cornered Lugh with a chandelier. Jacob was so grief-stricken that he’d gone mad -- and even when the Battle had been paused and there were no more enemy combatants left to fight, no one could get close to him. Most didn’t want to, out of fear of his temper. The only ones brave enough to were Bill Weasley and Jacob Hopper. 

When the eldest Weasley tried to approach first, Jacob Cromwell refused to let him get within three feet of him. Jacob C had always had a lingering, petty resentment of his sister’s best friend, since Bill had sort of “taken Jacob’s place” in Carewyn’s life while he was trapped in the Portrait Vault and also embodied a lot of Jacob’s insecurities about not being good enough of a brother for Carewyn, so he had a lot of trouble accepting any help from him. Jacob Hopper, on the other hand, naturally grieved his grandfather just as much as Jacob Cromwell did -- and although Hopper was a rather arrogant rebel, Jacob Cromwell was one of those too, so the two had found more than a little bit of common ground while working together on assignments with Lugh. And so tall Jacob Hopper was able to get close enough to the shorter, stockier Jacob Cromwell to roughly pull him into a hug without a word -- and the two Jacobs ultimately stood there in the hall together, Jacob Cromwell’s shaking hands holding his wands wrapped around Hopper’s chest as they both gritted their teeth and fiercely tried to contain their grief and tears. All Jacob Cromwell ever said to Jacob Hopper that day was --

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Most wouldn’t know what he was sorry for, exactly...but Hopper surmised it was indicative of survivor’s guilt, more than anything. 

After the War was over, Jacob Cromwell -- with some encouragement from his sister Carewyn -- finally felt brave enough to ask the Hoppers if he could sing something for Lugh’s funeral, in his honor. Naturally the Hoppers agreed...and when the young vagabond wizard came up to stand in front of the congregation that included his sister and her new ward Erik, his mother, and his best friend Olivia Green, his way-too-long ponytail of dark brown curls better groomed and dressed in nicer high-necked black robes than he’d ever worn in his life, he sung full-voice and bravely, even with tears streaming down his face. 

“Oh, we never know where life will take us --  I know it's just a ride on the wheel -- And we never know when death will shake us, And we wonder how it will feel... So goodbye, my friend --  I know I’ll never see you again, But the time together through all the years Will take away these tears. It's okay now... Goodbye, my friend.”

And for the remainder of Jacob Cromwell’s life, he held Lugh Hopper’s memory as close to his heart as he did Duncan Ashe’s -- this time, as motivation to fight for a world where people like Lugh didn’t have to lay down their lives, just to save others from people like Voldemort and the Death Eaters. 

[smarti-at-smogwarts]

Theo Abbott Profile

Identity

Name: Theodosia -Theo- Jane Abott

Gender: ....-throws peruvian powder bomb-  gender neutral tho she doesn't have the label for it.

*She goes by she/her pronouns though

Age: varies depending on when I’m writing her. 

Birth Date: January 11th XXXX

Species: Human

Blood Status: Half-Blood.

Sexuality: Queer af. Bisexual. Arospec. 

Alignment: Chaotic Good. 

Ethnicity: Mixed. 

Nationality: English

Residence: Godrics Hollow. Abbott home. 

Myer Briggs Personality Type: ENFP-T [ Turbulent Campaigner ] 

The Mage

Wand: Ebony. Dragon heartstring. 13 inches. Quite Flexible.

This jet-black wand wood has an impressive appearance and reputation, being highly suited to all manner of combative magic, and to Transfiguration. Ebony is happiest in the hand of those with the courage to be themselves. Frequently non-conformist, highly individual or comfortable with the status of outsider, ebony wand owners have been found both among the ranks of the Order of the Phoenix and among the Death Eaters. In my experience the ebony wand’s perfect match is one who will hold fast to his or her beliefs, no matter what the external pressure, and will not be swayed lightly from their purpose.

As a rule, dragon heartstrings produce wands with the most power, and which are capable of the most flamboyant spells. Dragon wands tend to learn more quickly than other types. While they can change allegiance if won from their original master, they always bond strongly with the current owner.The dragon wand tends to be easiest to turn to the Dark Arts, though it will not incline that way of its own accord. It is also the most prone of the three cores to accidents, being somewhat temperamental.

Animagus: Pine Marten

Misc Magical Abilities: Unknown undecided magical ability. ( will be edited when I figure what i want her hphl ability to be) Animagus. 

Boggart Form: Theo is terrified of being forced to be something she’s not or being trapped. This shows itself by a square room with no windows popping up in front of her. The walls the start closing in on her. 

Riddikulus Form: The walls collapse like the sides of a carboard box. 

Amortentia ( what she smells like) :  Parchment and ink. Crisp night air. Cinnamon cloves Pine trees.

Amortentia ( what she smells) : Misc smells that represent different people from the Taghd Lynch Defense Squad/her closest friends. Firewood burning. Lemon cakes. Fresh cut grass ( from the quidtich pitch) 

Patronus Memory: She’s at the Hogwarts common room goofing around with her housemates and friends. Basically her realizing she’s found a place to be herself and accepted as she is.

Mirror of Erised: Her happy and content and herself in her own home with her writing and her cat and her friends and the fuck away from Godric’s Hollow. 

Specialized/Favourite Spells: 

At Hogwarts_ Anything you can use on a prank. Some defensive spells as while Hogwarts was fairly accepting of her she did get a bit hassled ( there’s always that one occasional asshole) about both being a girl in the quidditch team and how she chooses to dress out of uniform. Some offensive spells from when she got into fights/duels in the halls along Taghd and Teddy. Her best spells are the ones used to sneak around her mother and grandmother. 

Out Of Hogwarts_ While not a spell, apparition becomes her most used magical feat as she likes to visit her friends as they all settle into her adult lives. She also learns a bit of healing spells from either Adelia or Teddy ( and at both their insistence that if she’s going to be getting into trouble out there she should be able to patch herself up a bit. ) 

*In the Taghd Dies Verse where she becomes an auror she adds a lot of offensive spells to her arsenal “best defense is a good offense right?” Theo no.

Appearance

Faceclaim: Saoirce Ronan 

Game Appearance: N/A 

Height: 5′6′’ by year 7.

Weight: Average weight for her height. 

Physique: On the thin side. Somewhere between rectangle and hourglass boy shape wise. Has muscle on her due to Quiditch. Strong facial features.

Eye Colour: Light blue 

Hair Colour: Dirty Blonde as a child. Darkens with age.  Often untidy from running or flying and held up/back.

Skin Tone: Fair

Body Modifications: None

Scarring:  Has a set of diagonal scars on her leg from when she tried to play with a splintered bat during a quidditch match. A few random scars from scrapes from school that got a little too rough before being broken up. 

Inventory: parchment. Quill. Ink. A Claddagh ring from Taghd. Random and assorted books. Notes from her friends. Her wand. Hair pins. ( she keep forgetting she has them there so she just stuffs more in her bag. No one knows how many she has in there by now, not even her)

Fashion: https://www.pinterest.com/xhowling/theo-jane-abbott/#fashion

*Theo tends to prefer Hogwarts robes and wizard fashion in general more as they’re more gender neutral. ( as in both genders wear robes though they differ in style and in Hogwarts case they do not differ at all from one gender to the other) so she wears them more.

 When it comes to muggle clothing she’s most comfortable on cable knit sweaters and plaid ( though she favors the former a lot more)  because she used to steal Taghd’s though if she has to “dress up” she’ll wear more  masc fashion. She’s influenced by Teddy’s fashion sense a bit for that. She also wears her Gryffindor tie even after leaving Hogwarts but with dress robes/a shirt and vest instead.

She tends to prefer more muted colors with like accents of one color or one point of color (i know nothing about fashion please bear with me. Hopefully the pinterest helps)

Allegiances

Hogwarts House: Gryffindor. 

Ilvermorny House: N/A 

Affiliations/Organizations: Gryffindor Quidditch Team. Taghd Lynch Protection Squad. Gryffindor house. 

Professions: Student. Writer/Anthologist. Becomes an auror in the Taghd Dies Verse.

Hogwarts Information

Class Proficiencies:

Astronomy:   ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆☆☆☆

Charms:  ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆☆☆☆

DADA:  ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆☆

Flying:  ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Herbology:  ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆☆☆☆☆

History of Magic:  ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆☆☆

Potions:  ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★☆☆☆☆☆☆

Transfiguration:  ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆☆☆☆

Electives:

Apparition

Muggle Studies 

Study of Ancient Runes

Quidditch: Plays as Chaser and Beater reserve. 

Extra Curricular: Does writing count?

Favourite Professors: I think she’d like both  Atticus Irwin Grimsley ( @cursebreakerfarrier ) and Toby Moore ( @unfortunate-arrow ) 

*Will probably add teachers as more details of the games are release

Least Favourite Professors: Pretty much any teachers that have issues with how she dresses or are of the snobby pureblood category are a safe bet. 

*Will probably add teachers as more details of the games are release

Relationships

Misc Siblings: None. Theo is an only child. 

Father: Unknown atm. All Theo knows is he was a muggleborn wizard.

Mother: Emily Abbott 

Love Interest: N/A  

*arospec but might have fwb/flings as she figures things out and possibly a platonic life partner/partners in the future. Most likely will end up living with friends as family either way. ( the friends she lives with may even have spouses of their own just...a bunch of friends living in a house as family) 

Best Friends:  Taghd Lynch ( @unfortunate-arrow ) Lu Morrison ( @rosievixen )  Arthur -Teddy- Elllsion ( @cursebreakerfarrier ) Adelia Selwyn ( @that-ravenpuff-witch)

Rival: She hates Cillian Lynch ( @unfortunate-arrow) and Ernest Ellson ( @cursebreakerfarrier​) bc they are unkind to her boys/two of her closest friends. I can imagine they do not like her that much ( seeing as Theo’s about as secretive and sublte about not liking people as a wrecking ball through the wall) 

Enemy: tbd 

Dormmates: Lu Morrison ( @rosievixen) 3rd and 4rth room mates unknown atm. 

Pets: Theo adopts a niffler in the future once she’s out of Hogwarts. Her family has very strict rules about owning pets though at some point in Hogwarts she adopts a stray cat and somehow manages to keep it a secret even when/if she has to go back home for Holidays. 

Closest Canon Friends: tbd

Closest MC Friends:  Taghd Lynch ( @unfortunate-arrow ) Lu Morrison ( @rosievixen )  Arthur -Teddy- Elllsion ( @cursebreakerfarrier ) Adelia Selwyn ( @that-ravenpuff-witch ) Fred Morrigan ( @ljthebard1​) Gabriel Sapieha ( @lizzieparkerhphm ​) Danny Gibbson ( @catohphm ​ )

Background/History

Pre Hogwarts: Theo was an “indiscretion” born to Emily Abott and an unknown ( to most) muggleborn wizard. The family  kept her, fed her, made sure she knew the proper way for an Abott to act, but there was no affection to this and Theo sometimes wondered if it wasn’t only out of duty that her family did all this. After it becomes obvious that Theo who dresses in boy’s clothes, never keeps a comment inside her mind, and buckles against the propriety forced upon her more and more as the years pass is not going to be changing to fit what her family thinks she should be; it’s decided to send her to Hogwarts where she’ll at least be kept out of sight.

4th Year: Was sent to Hogwarts by her family to be kept out of sight and hopefully shape up ( with the added sentiment that if she does not, at the very least she’ll be out of sight) Met Taghd Lynch, Lu Morrison, Teddy Ellison and Adelia Selwyn. 

5th Year: tba

6th Year: tba

7th Year: tba. Graduates with her friends. Though she undoubtedly has to leave some behind as I can see her befriending underclassmen.

Out of school: At some point she moves back closer to Teddy either because she received the news that Taghd died or that Taghd almost died. ( depending on the “canon” or “Taghd Lives AU”)

At some point she might adopt a daughter who is as chaotic as she was and then some ( though much more open and less angry/defensive because Theo’s a better parent than her mother ) 

In the Universe where Tagdh dies she becomes an Auror alongside Teddy.

At some point she cuts her parents off Completely ( no letters, no firecalls, nothing absolutely nothing) whether this happens because they did something that just got to her too much or it was more a case of her getting away and going “wooow they’re actually horrible to me” remains to be seen but she’ll come to rely on her friends for moral support and also to figure out how to live on her own without their monetary support.  

Spoils her friends’ kids so so much ohmygosh she loves them.

Old Age & Death: tbd

Personality

 Temperamental and impulsive ‘’jump now, think later’’/’’it looked like a good idea at the time’’ sort of person. Disaster Bisexual. Gets angry quick but it fades just as quickly. Frank, warm, empathetic. Honest-sometimes too honest- The one in a friend group to try to make people laugh. Will encourage you to hex someone who hurts you ‘’hell I’ll help you/cover for you’’ (That Friend) the opposite of the common sense friend. ( ‘’sounds illegal, I’m in.’’ )

Theo’s general status is defensive which to her can often be loud and assertive ( and a bit abrasive though she’s usually sorry about that last one when it happens) due to insecurities that took root during her time with her mother and her family To wit, she believes she needs to defend the way she is subconsciously since it was often the case at home and this leaks into her personality. When she met all her friends her first setting was “im like this and Deal with it” expecting resistance but when she met none ( as her friends all accepted her for who she is) she became a lot less so. ( shes still loud and chaotic as that's also part of who she is but she’s a lot less defensive afterwards.)

Has a really loud laugh. When she’s goofing with her friends or talking to them and laughing with them you can hear it echo through the halls.

Is sort of...a loud person in general.

Theo’s a passionate individual and incredibly stubborn when she sets her mind to something.

Skips the sad/crying phase and goes straight to angry. Might or might not have “/don’t cry/show weakness” complex. Her other emotions however are expressed be they annoyance, happiness ( her laughter Echoes through the corridors when she’s happy about something) excitement ect ect ad infinitum.

Her poker face is  shit though. She couldn’t keep her opinions through herself if she tried. Her face will say them for her.

She’s fiercely fiercely protective of her friends and found family. ( see: “would happily hit Teddy’s dad with a blugger if she finds out about him being abusive  ‘’curses out ppl who say mean things to Adelia or Lu and half the time will wind up throwing down for it” and of course “I’m actually going to Kill Cillian” circa Taghd’s duel in the Taghd lives AU as examples)

Misc:

Theo’s animagus form is a Pine Marten. She learned it specifically so she could get out of the house which she often found overbearing due to her mother, grandmother, and aunts attitudes towards her.

While her family kept her, fed her and clothed her it was done out of combination of duty and not wanting to waste magical blood. They might have love for her but it’s very clearly overridden by ( if not outright contingent on) their need forTheo being the kind of child they think she ought to be which she is very much not and only grows to stray more and more from it as she grows up) 

Theo sometimes does suspect they did it more out of duty than any love but tries not to think about it deeply or think about them at all if she can help it ( and with an entire castle to explore with friends and mischief to manage with those same friends it becomes quite easy) 

She has a fascination for the muggle world because it was her father’s world and the part of her her family shuns and kept her from knowing about.

She’s often in trouble with either Taghd or Teddy ( or both) or Lu ( or all three) and the teachers might or might not have a running tally of which combination causes the most chaos. 

Theo learns Gaelic from Taghd-they start with the swear words and then she just really wants to learn the language. 

Whereas Taghd tends to complain about getting dragged into fights by Teddy and her but does it Theo’s more like you feel the air shift next to you and...yup. Yup she’s there.

If her friends are in a fight nine out ten times she’s there too. That one of ten times she’s not there, she’s going to be soon.

Theo’s a night owl and can often be found the last in the common room reading or writing or talking to Taghd or Teddy or Lu. Sometimes she’ll sneak out to fly. ( specially on really clear nights)

She’s perfected the art of wolfing down breakfast in the last minutes before going to class or even just grabbing a piece of bread and running off to class because of this. As it'll lead to her oversleeping.

Adelia’s her mom friend and possibly one of the few people that can tell her what to do without her going ‘how bout i do anyways.png’

She writes a lot and can be seen talking animatedly about it mostly to fellow writer friend Teddy Ellison. 

She’s bit Taghd’s brother Cillian in her animagus form at least once. It was the subject of laughter in the Gryffindor table for a good week after. Theo, ( who keeps her animagus form a secret aside from her closest friends because its a way she has to get away from people or hide or cause trouble when she wants to) becomes very interested in whatever’s in front of her  and trying not to laugh when it gets brought up. 

She gets really attached to Teddy’s mom ( and is a bit jealous of how nice a mother her friend has)  as she both from her experience and what she gathers from Tagdh and other friends of hers she didn’t...think parents could be nice? Like empirical evidence just overall does not seem to be in their favor tbh (specially mothers) and she’s mystified by her and overall thinks she’s wonderful.

This also means she dislikes Teddy’s dad that much more ( though she keeps it to herself around Teddy’s mother ) because as far as she’s concerned he doesn’t deserve her or Teddy with what some of  his actions are. 

Tends to be physical with her close friends ( bumping shoulders, linking arms as they walk hand on shoulder) though on different levels depending on the different dynamics and how comfortable they themselves are with it.

She hates all the propriety she was brought up with ( one of the bonding things she Taghd had was their shared lack of decorum) but one of the things she enjoyed to learn back in Godric Hollow was calligraphy. She stills practices it as a hobby, keeping multiple colors of ink in her room at Hogwarts and later in life. She likes making calligraphy for her friends and also when they’re adults makes calligraphy for each of their children with their favorite stories. 

Finally did a proper profile for Theo.

I’m hoping to get back to doing more content ( including other profiles for mcs I’ve mentioned and going back to my hphm kiddo Marti and writing out gameplay now that I have more spoons. Figured this was a good place to start.

Profile skeleton by @hogwartsmysterystory​

[noir0neko]

Crime and Creation | m

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 15.5k

Summary: The Crow Club. One of the University of Ketterdam’s secret societies aimed at recruiting the finest students who want a taste of more than just lectures. Meet Kaz, the founder and president, whose self-made millions come from his dealings on Wall Street. Nina, a girl who is aching for more than the fortune and husband her family has laid out for her. Inej, whose observant nature and ability to be invisible makes her the perfect spy. Jesper, a childhood friend of Kaz’s who can’t resist getting into a little trouble joined by his boyfriend, Wylan, son of the University dean. And Cataleya, an Upper West side journalism major who has a special way with words. When Kaz finds out the Crow Club’s dealings have been infiltrated by an unknown rival, his crew enlists the help of outsiders to ruin reputations, throw lavish parties, and do what the New York City Crows do best: heist. Until something goes very wrong. 

Characters: Cataleya (OC), Kaz Brekker, Inej Ghafa, Jesper Fahey, Wylan Van Eck, Nina Zenik, Alina Starkov, Zoya Nazyalensky, Nikolai Lantsov, Aleksander Morosova and honorable Leoni mention.

Warnings: Death. Highly detailed emotion and inner thoughts that have memories of parental abuse and self harm, nothing very detailed. Mentions of murder, drugs, and illegal activity. General debauchery and scheming. Some romance, mostly implied, light kissing, fondling, and the use of expletives.

A/N: You do not need to have read any of the books in this world to understand this fic! I spent so much time and poured my heart and soul into this story and the development of my original character and building these characters into a new, modern world. Please read it and give me your thoughts! This piece was written for the @grishaversebigbang. Also, check out the art work made for my fic by these amazing artists: @corpsecro, @nantosuelta-art, @discountscoobygang, @lady-ekatherina-de-mika and @mikanviola! It is such an honor to be a part of something like this and I had so much fun! I encourage anyone and everyone to read the Six of Crows/Shadow and Bone series by Leigh Bardugo! It’ll be on Netflix soon!

I used to love cats. 

Until one showed up dead on my window sill. 

I’m still not sure how it got there. Perhaps it climbed the fire escape and lept from the metal railing onto the ledge. But once the animal had the orange pollen and poisonous petals of the lilies sticking out of my window in its mouth, it was only a matter of time before it died. I had the good sense to keep my crying quiet, at eleven years old, so that my father would not stumble in to yell or push the cat hundreds of feet to the street below. I did not know he was already gone. That I was alone.

I hid the orange tabby in my backpack and went to bury her in the backyard garden the next chance I got. 

But when I used my small children’s shovel to dig into the earth, soft from the recent rain, it wasn’t what I went to bury that changed my life. But what was already buried there. And right then, with my cheeks stained with tears and hands shaking with anger, I swore to never stop hunting. To never stop chasing the people who ruined me. 

That was one promise I kept. 

I haven’t kept many others. 

Sitting in the foyer with the rest of the Crows, wind coming in from the autumn afternoon and the scent of freshly made waffles mixing with dusty books, I don’t know if I can keep this one either. Kaz looks at me pointedly, waiting for me to answer. I glance at all of them, Nina, Inej, Jesper, and Wylan. It is rare that anyone outright refuses Kaz on anything, especially not with his position or to risk the weight of his disapproval. Nina once told Kaz to go to Hell and she paid for it with two weeks of silence and banishment from the Crow Library until she relented to do her assignment. 

Jesper clears his throat, trying to relieve the awkward vibe getting thicker with each passing moment of silence. I can’t help but allow a small smile to reach my lips, grateful for him trying to save me from the tension that I could slice with a knife. Swallowing and meeting Kaz’s dark eyes, I sigh. 

“Fine,” I relent. “I’m in.” 

The strain dissolves from the space and the other Crows break into smiles and start to chatter. Relaxing back in my chair, I watch Inej spring up and take her place next to Kaz, her lithe frame complimenting his perfectly. Kaz moves around his large oak desk, gaze fixated on something in the distance. Definitely scheming face. Best to wait it out until he speaks first.

The Crow Library is lit with the afternoon sunlight, warming the leather of our chairs and illuminating the dust gathering along the rows of books. Shelves line the walls beneath the window, behind Kaz’s study area, and underneath the stairwell, which leads to an upstairs reading room and parlor area. Nobody has bothered to read any of the books, weathered and dusted with age, but they lend the room an air of sophistication and a homey comforting smell. Kaz’s desk is littered with papers, the dark wood barely visible beneath the jumble of stock investment deals, new heists, and class assignments waiting to be done. On the front face of the desk, a large crow is carved into the surface, black and red paint covering the indentations in the wood. 

Inej puts a tender hand on Kaz’s forearm, her lips moving quickly and silently, as if whispering to him. Inej has her hair down today, an unusual occurrence from her braided coil, and the dark strands spill like silky oil over her shoulders and her waist. She must have come from the studio, sweat still gleaming on her brow and black leotard disappearing beneath dark navy leggings. Her lithe frame seems to be floating, always so modest and reserved, yet her brown eyes are intuitive and unrelenting as she studies Kaz. She has been with him since the founding of the Crow Club, never missing a beat between helping him, chastising him, watching out for him, and caring for herself all the same. It’s no wonder she’s been able to double major in both Global History and Ballet, two completely different worlds, but complimenting each other perfectly for Inej. 

And Kaz. What an interesting man he’s proven to be. 

Business major. Self made millionaire. First student to be admitted into the University of Ketterdam - UOK for short, without a full high school education. A man full of mysteries. 

Jesper moves to perch himself on the arm of Wylan’s chair and adjusts his Queen shirt, the old black leather groaning under his weight. Jesper says something quietly to his boyfriend before running a hand through Wylan’s curly red hair and kissing his pale pert nose. Jesper has his hair buzzed short to his scalp, dark arms lean with muscle and legs long, his jeans riding up at the ankles to reveal bright yellow socks and black high tops. Wylan releases a wide smile, looking up at Jesper with untamed admiration. Wylan has on a pair of pressed dark wash jeans, his collared shirt maroon red with small white dots, accentuating his bright hair and pale skin. 

It just reminds me of blood. 

They are quite a pair. Wylan, being the son of the University dean and Jesper, one of the most intelligent and talented students in the Economics department. He is studying Game Theory, an extremely intense and complicated subject full of strategy, confidence, and risk: coincidentally Jesper’s three favorite words. 

Wylan, much to his father’s chagrin, is an Art History student with a hidden passion for chemistry and physics. I often find him gazing at the long since forgotten portraits on the walls of the Crow Library upstairs, reminiscing of a different time, of discovery and excitement. Of different people with different secrets. Wylan usually seems lost in thought, often internally reflecting rather than being outwardly vocal like the rest of the Crows. He is another mystery, especially because of the tenuous relationship he has with his father. 

Jesper’s brown skin glimmers in the sun, inclining his eyebrows in mischief before taking a toffee from the bowl next to him and flinging it across Wylan’s chair to Nina. 

Her tongue flicks out as it hits her arm, thick lips smirking before unwrapping the plastic wrapper and popping the candy in her mouth. Nina is one of the only Crows who was forced into attending the University of Ketterdam. Her parents, with her father being an extremely rich and powerful Russian politician and her mother, an aristocratic woman supposedly descending from ancient Russian royalty, had been raising Nina to marry a high ranking Scandinavian commander since she was eleven. The marriage was supposed to secure better relations between the two nations, as well as provide Nina with a life of security, wealth, and status for her and her children. All her parents want for her. 

In true Nina fashion, this is unacceptable. 

Her family said the marriage could wait if she wanted to go to school and get a degree, which may better serve her husband and their families prestige in the future. Seeing no other viable option, especially because she did not want to marry a “white haired barbarian” as she called her husband-to-be, she enrolled in a prestigious university as far away from Russia as she could get. Despite her parents beliefs that she is a culinary student - “because a good wife knows how to cook”, according to her parents, Nina has been studying Performing Arts and Theatre. A perfect major to fit her personality and her beauty, with her tall, curvy frame and piercing green eyes. Today, she is wearing an olive bodysuit, the neck low cutting and her legs hugged by a pair of black flare jeans. Casual and entrancing. Her style seems to change depending on her mood, from modest foreigner to vivacious party girl to preppy student. New each day. 

“We will need others,” Kaz mumbles to Inej, furrowing his dark eyebrows in thought. 

I have only been with the Crows for a few months, but I already know how unusual that is. Kaz rarely asks for help, especially from those outside of the Crow Club. But whatever he has planned seems to be a lot more serious than the other jobs, more personal than merely ousting insider trading, or infiltrating various museums and mansions, or spying on the Upper East and West Side elite to gain intel and use it to our advantage. 

Each of us has a unique purpose to Kaz. His investments. And while it has been easier to see where the others’ talents fit in, I am still baffled by my own. I adjust the sleeves of my lavender shirt, the ruffled material smooth on my shoulders. 

I had known the Crow Club existed before I set foot on campus. As a journalism major, secrets have always intrigued me. Not just the secrets. The challenge of uncovering them, of working from the inside to reveal some of the deepest and darkest parts of humanity. I had always heard whispers of the club amongst the Upper West side elite, whispers about Kaz Brekker and his Crows. Always watching. Always ready to catch you red-handed. But I didn’t even need to go out of my way to find the Crow Club.

Kaz found me first. Called me an asset. He and Inej invited me to join starting the summer before my second term. I have surprised myself by warming up to the rest of the Crows so quickly, even the ones who aren’t active members and are just extra recruits for Kaz to call if he needs them. We all mean something here, we all have a purpose, more than what the world is trying to force upon us.  

A family. Especially since most of ours are broken or nonexistent. 

After a few minutes of waiting, Kaz snaps to attention and we follow suit, like trained soldiers, eager for him to share whatever small slice of his plan that he decides to. His crisp suit is pure black, a small crow brooch pinned to his lapel. The shaved hair on the side of his head is beginning to grow out, the top slicked back with a deep, oaky smelling gel. He always looks like he is dressed for a business meeting, even when it’s just us. Inej always muses that there is an irony to it, but how, I don’t know. I suppose everything is business to Kaz. 

“Okay,” he begins, voice gruff and deep. “This is what we’ll do.” 

----

Nina and I weave our way through the busy streets, blessing the cool wind as it kisses our faces in the dying summer heat. Her hair is down, the sun illuminating the many shades of brown running through the waves and her dress is high on her thighs, the red cotton fabric hugging the curves of her waist. Being in America has done wonders for Nina, brightened her complexion, improved her spirit, and turned her from a wafer-thin girl to a full-bodied, thick thighed woman. Everywhere she goes, people stare. She is otherworldly, like a saint on Earth. 

“Where did Kaz send us this time?” Nina complains, sucking the dripping strawberry ice cream from her fingers before chucking the cone into a nearby trash. 

“He didn’t,” I grin, dodging a guy with suspicious looking flyers on the sidewalk. “He gave us his card and very vague instructions to find a wardrobe for the event.” 

Nina’s eyes sparkle, cleaning off the rest of her fingers before she entwines her elbow in mine. New York City seems to breathe with our every step, the wind moving, the heat unfurling, and the trees swaying. Taxis and cars whiz by on the avenue, the honking of horns and the laughter of tourists crossing into Central Park filling the air. Everything about New York is alive, even the concrete holds stories it’s waiting to tell. 

“Then let’s go down Fifth,” Nina begins, mischief in her tone. “I know a few places.” 

“I bet you do,” I flash her a smile, crossing the street so we walk parallel to the park. 

We trek down the street, stopping into a macaron shop in the Plaza Hotel to get a bright blue bag full of sweets for us to eat on our journey. Nina and I are bouncing on our heels, excited to have a day to ourselves, away from the Crow Club and the University and being responsible for buying dresses for not only ourselves, but for Inej, Alina, and Zoya, as well. 

Kaz had three extra students brought in for this assignment, all a part of the secret network of Crows that don’t sit in regular meetings. First is Alina, who has an international reputation for rebuilding schools and orphanages across the world since she was thirteen, and who has been a Crow since her first step onto campus. She transferred here as a graduate student from some extremely prestigious school in California to complete her PhD and teaching credentials. Every time I have seen Alina, she has been so kind and so helpful, always eager to teach, serve, and build in any way she can. It’s beyond me why she wants to be a part of these operations. Maybe every good girl has a naughty streak. 

Zoya, on the other hand, seems like the opposite of Alina. A close friend, confidant, and suspected girlfriend, of another one of Kaz’s network of Crows, Zoya is an overly intelligent, intimidating, and obscenely beautiful law student. Her hair is always smooth, a jet black slate against her back and her eyes are always piercing, judging and observing in their ice blue. Her skin always looks perfectly tanned, a deep brown that makes the pink of her lips more enticing. Her grades are pristine, her ability to argue is unparalleled, and if there were ever a force to be reckoned with, it is her. It’s a lot more obvious to understand why she agreed to join the Crows, for the prestige, the knowledge, the power. But truly puzzling, is her relationship with Nikolai. 

Nikolai, or Nik, as I like to call him, is one of the best - and funniest, Crows. Clever, self-deprecating, friendly, handsome, the list goes on. His blonde hair is a shaggy mop of artsy goodness, his skin is creamy, his style completely unmatched and his wealth bottomless. Nik and Kaz are always butting heads; most of the time it’s the only comedic relief the Crow Club has when they’re together. Nik met Zoya during undergrad, in a political science course, where apparently their discussions were lively enough to earn them A’s and lengthy enough to last entire class sessions. Nik has one of those family names that are revered in every elite social circle, making him an obvious addition for Kaz’s team and from what I have gleaned from Nik, he decided to join the Crows to give him something interesting to do besides follow in his father’s footsteps. I wish I wanted to be a Crow out of boredom. 

“God,” Nina groans, shoving her phone back into her five thousand dollar purse. “If I get one more message from my parents asking if I’ve heard from that white-haired, rule-following, stick-up-his-ass, Scandinavian inbred, I am going to drown my phone in the Hudson River.” 

“Wow,” I clap for her, avoiding the incredulous gapes of tourists at her language. “So many adjectives and I don’t even think you’ve ever said his name.”

A man opens up the glass doors to Bergdorf Goodman’s, where cool air and white marble greet us. Immediately, we drift to the dress racks, combing through all of the latest trends.

“Matthias,” she almost growls. “His letters are so proper, telling me that he has heard of my exemplary womanly skills from my parents. That he would delight to see my drawings and sewing and hear me play the piano. It’s ridiculous. I don’t do any of those things by choice.” 

I stifle a laugh. “He seems very… traditional.” 

“Seems?” She throws her hands up, shoving a silk dress back onto the rack with too much force. “He is the definition of the word! And worst of all, he’s attractive! He has snow white hair and is built like one of those huge wrestler guys that people watch on TV.” 

“Why is that a problem?” 

“Because his complete lack of competence makes him a barbarian! A man who thinks the perfect wife is silent and docile. He’s going to have another thing coming when I show up.” 

“He comes from old money in an old country,” I begin, wondering whether I need to tread lightly. “Don’t you think he’s just taught to think that way?” 

She sighs, holding up a stunning evergreen gown against her figure. “I know he is. That’s what’s even worse. I know that everyone where he is from has been taught those values. So even if he came to love me, to understand me, no one on the outside would. His station, his reputation, his fortune, all of it is dependent on how I perform. How I reflect him.” 

“That doesn’t seem fair,” I muse, holding out another red silk dress for her. 

“Money isn’t fair.” 

I blink, surprised at her words. Money is just an object. It has no preference, no deference, no opinions. But I guess the idea of money is more important and tangible than the paper itself. Money has value and expectations beyond the faces staring back at you from the press. It expects manners, it breeds tradition and hierarchy and perfect wives who aren’t allowed to make any. I wonder if Nina will end up bending to those wills, to the one’s she has been raised to. America is such a different place, but I guess money everywhere is the same. It controls you. 

“This.” 

I turn around, face breaking out into a huge smile at the dress Nina is holding. It is a deep purple, with sheer shoulder sleeves and a deep plunging neckline covered in diamond flowers. The waist is cinched, belted by more glittering gems, before it falls and flows in layers of purple silk and satin to the floor, flowers and vines curling around the skirt. Nina’s hair and eyes and skin would look angelic in the dress. I nod fervently, unable to cap my smile as she waves over an employee to open the dressing room. 

While in the dressing rooms, Nina and I talk through the divider. 

“Where was Wylan off to earlier?” I ask, taking off my clothes and folding them neatly on the small leather bench. “He never really seems to be around these days.” 

“Yeah,” Nina says, with a grunt. “He’s been trying to rekindle his relationship with his father, studying a lot. You know, the usual dysfunctional family stuff.” 

I laugh. “My family wasn’t dysfunctional in that way.” 

“I would say you were lucky,” Nina begins and I can hear her zipper up as mine does. “But I know you weren’t.” 

At the same time, we step out of the dressing room, identical smiles breaking open our faces before we clasp our hands together and squeal with happiness. The dresses look perfect, we look perfect, everything looks perfect. 

And now we just have to find dresses for Alina and Zoya. 

With these price tags, Kaz is going to regret lending us his credit card. 

----

“Something Kaz Brekker doesn’t know how to do,” I tease a few days later,“drive.” 

He shoots me a healthy side glare, uncurling his fingers from around the steering wheel. The sun is shining through the left side of the car, illuminating his high cheeks and arched brow bones with dazzling light. If Kaz weren’t so… him, I’m confident he would have made an amazing Calvin Klein model. Especially because his lips are always relaxed in a bit of a natural pout and his resting stance is so relaxed, yet also confident. He is striking. 

And he doesn’t belong to me. Nor do I think he ever will. 

Despite their claims and attempts to put distance between their relationship, it has become common knowledge in the Crow Club that Kaz and Inej are a package deal. And it doesn’t take a trained Journalism major to read between those lines. It is blindingly obvious in the subtle ways she touches him, the way his gaze softens when he looks at her. She is the ice to his fire, and when needed, he is the same for her. A complimentary pair in every way, even if it seems unlikely on the surface. 

“Okay,” I begin, gesturing to the automatic gears between us. I explain what each of the letters stand for, instructing him to move the clutch into reverse and slowly ease up on the brake. With a bit of a jerk, Kaz obeys, turning the wheel to back us out of the spot in the empty parking lot. It had taken a bit of a road trip to find this place outside of the city. I had driven Kaz and myself into New Jersey, where the early morning dawn had just begun to crest, giving our driving lessons an advantage. Kaz had immediately, and somewhat reluctantly, urged me to teach him, claiming we would need it for this assignment. Inej had pushed him along with the conversation, rolling her eyes at how his own pride blocked up his request. 

“Now go back into drive,” I say, lurching forward when he does and pushes his foot down too forcefully on the gas pedal. He turns in circles around the empty lot, taking care to avoid the lamp posts. On every straight away, Kaz seems to hit the gas with a little more force, graceful turns giving way to concussion-inducing races. It seems he has the turning part down, but the lurching and jerking of the car would get him pulled over quickly. 

And although Kaz will no doubt be having a new fake I.D. made by one of our extra Crows, the risk of involving a police officer is not one any of us want to take. 

“Slow down there, Nascar.” I laugh.

He eases up, taking his time to get used to the ebb and flow of the vehicle. Where he got the car is beyond me, but I am also beyond questioning Kaz’s ability to secure random and often, complicated, objects for our heists. He has become my biggest puzzle, my biggest mystery to solve. And if it hasn’t been one hell of an adventure trying to figure him out. Observing him and listening and learning his subtle tells when he is angry or pleased or scheming. Lately, though, it feels as if the obsession for uncovering his truths have blossomed into something else, something that makes my heart race a little faster and my palms sweat. Something I haven’t been able to control. And how I hate not being in control. 

“Turn out onto the street,” I instruct, forcing myself to speak and get out of my own head. 

He obliges, the car absorbing the bumps in the curb as Kaz makes a graceful right turn. His black gloves glide smoothly along the steering wheel, the sleeve of his shirt riding up to expose a sliver of his pale wrist. My mind begins to wander again, to whether or not Inej has touched them, if she has held his wrists down as she gracefully slid on top of him. I wonder if she has kissed him, if he whispers her secrets to her like some sort of sexy spy pillow talk. 

“Cataleya,” Kaz is saying, the four syllables of my name like chimes from his mouth. 

“Sorry,” I shake my head, swallowing and casting him a glance. “What?” 

“Where are we going?” He repeats, monotone and bored. 

His driving has already gotten smoother, his feet steady on the brake and gas as I tell him to pull onto the dirt on the side of the two-lane road and turn around. There are still no cars out here at this hour, an Amtrak just beginning its morning route on a station in the distance. I can see the outline of the city beyond the valley, half blocked by trees and tall grass. The skyscrapers are haloed by the rising sun, like a safe haven calling me back home. 

“Who taught you to drive?” Kaz says, his raspy voice surprisingly light. 

“A friend I had growing up,” I reply, surprised.

“That’s a nice friend,” he comments, voice taking on an edge I don’t understand. 

I snort. “Yeah, well, I didn’t have any family to do it.”

His hands tighten on the steering wheel ever so slightly and if I weren’t observant I probably would have missed it. The way he tenses up. The way his jaw clenches and the car begins to move a bit faster as his foot locks onto the gas. “Me either.” 

“I found my mother dead.” The words are out of my mouth before I realize it. Kaz’s gaze shifts a bit, but he keeps his focus on the road as I continue. “I went to bury a dead cat in my mother’s old garden. We never touched it, my father never tended to it, or let me, after he said she left us. But when I went out to the garden and began to dig, I lost track of time, I dug far deeper than I intended. My father wasn’t home, I wanted to be there, in that garden, and away from him if he came home, for as long as possible. I didn’t realize how far I had dug until,” I swallow, inhaling and turning to Kaz. “Until a hand began to form beneath the dirt, and then an arm, and I saw the wedding ring, the bruises, the blue of her dress…” 

Kaz’s lips part, the only admission of emotion he gives. 

“The coroner said she had been dead for four months. Four months,” my voice broke, splintered on the fragments of my memories. “That she had been beaten and buried there. They couldn’t… couldn’t prove it was my father. He had money, lots of it. And he paid a lot of people to keep quiet.” 

“Is that why you love journalism?” Kaz asks, slowing the car to ready his turn back into the empty lot. “Exposing them? Making them pay with more than their blood money and with plain blood?”

I inhale, lips curling back in more of a snarl than a smile. “Everyone I knew. Everyone I knew who was involved. I have made them pay. In some form.” I throw Kaz a true smile, a devilish gleam in my eyes. “Although I suppose you already know that. It’s why Inej noticed me in the first place.” 

“One of the many reasons,” Kaz replies, words back to being clipped, tight. 

With a smooth arc of the steering wheel, Kaz turns the car into the same spot as before, hitting a little too hard on the brake before coming to a stop. My hair moves in front of my face at the jolt, a blessed curtain separating me from him. I can feel him thinking, churning over my words, assessing me. 

Kaz hardly seems fazed as I peek at him around my hair. His dark eyes are far away, his gloved hands slack on the wheel. I still myself, hearing the purr of the car engine, hearing Kaz’s breathing, shallow and uneven, as he goes into the place he so rarely dives. His eyes are almost glazed, like he’s been drinking, completely lost in his own thoughts. I know some of his story already. From Nina. From Jesper. From my research. 

“Your brother,” I murmur, soft and low. 

His hands tighten on the wheel until they are bone white, staring straight ahead at the tree lined landscape. “Jordie,” he pushes through his teeth. “His name was Jordie.” 

My spine straightens. Kaz has never said anything about his brother, and has never allowed any of the Crows besides Inej into his life in this way. And I wonder how far he has even let her in. I swallow, questioning if I should press or let it be. I am just about to get out and switch places with him to take us back into the city, when he opens his mouth and to my bewilderment, continues to speak. 

“My parents were mixed up in some bad stuff before we came here. We lived in the countryside, with a bit of land and no one around us for miles. My brother was older than me, only by four years, but enough to know how to keep me from looking where I shouldn’t. From keeping me happy and sheltered.” A muscle flickers in Kaz’s jaw, his pale skin going ashier with each word, “I didn’t know what was happening when they came. The thugs my parents had been hopping between towns, cities, and states to avoid for over a decade. Jordie took me, the remaining cash from the safe, that my father had stolen, and fled to New York City. He hoped we would be invisible among so many people.” 

I don’t know I am holding my breath until I release it, low and shaky. Kaz is silent again, staring off, flexing and unflexing his fingers against the steering wheel, like a silent reminder that he is here. 

“Are they alive?” I ask, voice so silent it’s almost nothing. 

“I don’t know,” Kaz admits. “But we never heard from them. I’ve never heard. So I can only assume not. And I don’t think I would want to see them if they were.”  

“And Jordie…?” I venture, terrified to hear more, but also terrified he’ll clam up. I am desperate for more. Desperate to know him. 

“We weren’t safe here. They found us. Or, found Jordie. While I was gone.” Every single syllable from his lips are forced and painful, laced with self loathing and regret. Survivor's guilt. “I was supposed to be there, but Jordie had sent me away. On an errand down in Brooklyn. He knew we were trapped, and wanted me to live, if he couldn’t. If Jordie could convince them he was alone and I had been shipped somewhere else... ” He breathes in and out, slowly and deeply, focusing on some point in the distance. “They ruled it as a suicide. He had cut his own throat, only his DNA on the knife, only his blood… I don’t know if he did it before they came. Or if they staged it. The not knowing. The guessing. That’s what makes it worse.” 

“So you look for control in other places.” I say. “In the market. In investment. In the Crows. I do the same thing.” 

“The Crows stand for the same thing you do, Cataleya.” Kaz says, looking at me with an intense stare. “Exposure. We want things to be different. We want people to pay, truly pay, for what they have done. Instead of buying silence. Buying lies. We want the truth. Only the truth.” 

His words pierce me, his black hair stark against his forehead, shaved sides longer than he normally keeps them. His eyebrows are set in a hard determined line, lips closed, and jaw locked in determination. I know he made those people pay, the ones who took his brother from him. I can see it on his face. 

“How did you survive?” I begin, “without him?”

Kaz licked his lips and let out a low chuckle. “Our money was gone. But we knew some people. Kids we met on the street. They made me a fake to get into bars with; I was barely sixteen by that time, but I looked older. Rougher. I had a skill for counting cards and made a small fortune quickly by playing in run down joints and eventually, working my way into larger, more expensive establishments. It was hard, I lived and breathed revenge, for Jordie. I wanted to have him back. To have something that was mine. I built up a small fortune, studied the market, and began investing. By the time I applied to the University of Ketterdam it didn’t matter that I only had my GED and no family, my self-made fortune was enough.” 

“But why here?” I ask, furrowing my brows in confusion. “Why school at all?” 

Kaz continues to look at me, eyes blazing. “Because we had a dream. Jordie and I. We had a dream that we would never forget what happened. That we had to run. And that when we were older, more settled, we would build something here. In New York City, something that would last. Something with a legacy. Like Crows, Jordie had said, symbolizing death but themselves being alive. We were dealt bad luck and would bestow it on others who deserve it.” 

“Thus, The Crow Club,” I finish his sentence, gaze roaming his face. “A secret society at one of the world’s best universities that would have a legacy. Have prestige. Have a family.” 

“Something that is mine,” Kaz’s lips part, wet from his tongue. 

“Yes, yours.” I echo. 

We are both silent for a few moments. Weighing our words. Our truths. Even the trees outside seem to stop in the wind, leaves quiet and branches unwavering. Kaz has opened up in a way I have never seen before. Never expected. He has been through so much. So much like me. Dealt with death. Loss. Life. We aren’t so different. None of the Crows are. 

“What about the others?” 

“Those aren’t my stories to tell,” Kaz responds, voice returning to its detached state.

I nod, once, accepting. I know a few of them already. Nina. Wylan. The new recruits. But Inej and Jesper are mysteries. Complete and whole geniuses shrouded in questions. I don’t like questions. Especially ones I can’t answer. 

“How did you survive? With him?” Kaz’s voice rings again, reflecting my earlier question. His words are too big for the small car, inhaling deeply through my nose as a small smile graces my lips. His long fingers move the shift into reverse to back out of the spot to drive us back to the city himself. The true test of his skill on the Manhattan streets.  

“That friend. The one who taught me how to drive,” I reply, a bit of wistful nostalgia filling my tone. “He helped me. Took care of me. Looked after me.” 

“Past tense?” He inquires, feet smooth as he presses on the gas pedal. 

“We are still friends,” I say. “I think. Things are just… different.” 

“Different. That’s an understatement.” He replies, voice drenched with irony. “Everything is different, isn’t it, depending on how you look at it.”

I nod and laugh, giving him a compliment on how swiftly he picked up driving before we settle into a comfortable silence. Crows. Allies. Friends. If we can call ourselves that. 

I hope we can. 

----

Today, I am supposed to meet the enemy. 

Kaz told me yesterday he set up a rendezvous at one of the campus coffee spots and that there would be someone waiting for me there. Someone he wouldn’t name. Someone that I am supposed to gather information from. Someone who thinks we are on a date. 

I had almost hit him when he pulled up his phone to show me the fake dating profile that was made for me. Pictures of me smiling, laughing, most of them pictures I didn’t even remember taking, all glowed brightly at me, accentuated by a bio that said I liked my men tall, dark, and tortured. 

How cliche. 

“Nina made it,” Kaz had shrugged then returned his phone back to his pocket. 

“And you would be surprised by how many matches you made,” Inej’s voice was laced with humor, lilting into the room without a trace. 

“She’ll walk you over,” Kaz said, gesturing around the room to her unknown location. “Like any dutiful girl would for her best friend about to go on a date from an app. Then, you’ll just need to proceed as normal. Ask him about his life, his job, his degree, his connection to UOK. All the basics. The main concern is reading him out for a vibe, his family has had a lot of influence in some shady shit and he’s from another society here.”

So that’s what this was about? Some sour deals that probably put Kaz out of some easy money and a rival society that was challenging Kaz’s position in the control of campus secrets and his standing legacy? I don’t feel like that is the whole story, but that’s all that Kaz was willing to give me at the time. 

And he hadn’t said anything this afternoon when I had gone into the Crow Library to meet Inej. He acted like nothing ever happened, like he hadn’t revealed some of his darkest secrets to me. Like we hadn’t shared a moment of… something. He barely looked at me from his desk, hair rumpled and face flushed from stress, in my tight long sleeve dress and tights, combat boots laced up around my ankles in case this random guy got the wrong idea. 

The air outside had turned to autumn, giving us an unusually cold and windy day. I was puttering around and trying to think of something to say to Kaz, when Inej came down the staircase with silent feet, dressed in a pair of black leggings and a cream knit sweater. Her hair had been mused in the back and her face also looked a bit red. I had almost laughed, looking between her flushed state and Kaz’s slightly red cheeks, before giving Inej a knowing quirk of my eyebrows. 

And now, outside of the library and alone, walking across the cobblestoned campus paths with autumn leaves falling around us, I turn to her. “Do I even want to know?” 

“It’s college,” she replies, so quiet it’s almost to herself. “Things happen.” 

“Things don’t just happen with Kaz Brekker.” 

She looks at me, face breaking out into a blinding smile that splits her beautifully baked face. “They do when he’s in a rather… compromising position.” 

“Inej!” I release the laugh I’ve been holding, the now pulled back coil of her hair showing off the reddened tips of her ears. Since I have known of Inej, she has always been rather modest. Sure of herself in a quiet way. The kind of confidence that doesn’t need reassurance or shields. Inej herself is a shield, a force of silent secrets she keeps hidden beneath the unsuspecting lithe of her dancer’s frame. 

We take a right turn down one of the main campus paths, small walkways opening up into a large courtyard. Students mill about, sitting on statues, kissing underneath the garden archways, reading books on their way into classes. The University of Ketterdam has always been such an eclectic place, not only because of its location in New York City, but because of its campus. Lush, green, beautiful. An ode to history and architecture and modernity all the same. The programs here are some of the best in the world and while tuition isn’t cheap, the value of a Ketterdam degree is worth it. 

“Is it bad that I kind of do want to know though?” I begin, not even sure what I’m saying. 

“No,” Inej says, voice thoughtful and not defensive in any way. This is why I love Inej. So honest and unafraid. “I think everyone wants to know about Kaz. Everyone wants to be the hero that solves the mystery or the lover that turns a prince from darkness.” She pauses, looking around at the students, seeming lost in thought. Her dark eyebrows crease together, as if in thought or sadness. “Some people just can’t be saved.” 

I can tell she’s referring to Kaz. But I’m not sure if I agree. I think everyone can be saved. I think darkness lives in everyone and all a person needs is a bit of light to show them through. People weren’t born into darkness, or evil, they were made that way. Through that, they could be unmade. And Inej has enough light and strength in one of her hands to see any person through the blackest of tunnels. I think of what Kaz had said to me, in the car, about his story, about his desire for revenge. For retribution. Maybe I want to believe we can be saved from the darkness because I want to be saved. Because like calls to like. And there is a deep chasm within Kaz that sings to me. 

Inej moves her head to look at me, a full and unabashed gaze that somehow makes me uncomfortable. Like she can see straight to my soul. Like she can see every lie I have told or every promise I have broken or every secret I have kept. Like she can see my desires and my shame and my longing for things I can’t have.

“But we love them anyway, don’t we?” She finishes, giving me a contemplative look. 

I think of the people I love, the people I did love, when there were still people in my life that were capable of receiving such a thing; people who were dark and painful and I still loved them anyway. Love can be such a blinding thing. Blinding and binding. 

“Yeah,” I echo, her reflective tone rubbing off onto my voice. “We do.” 

The both of us descend into silence as we continue to walk across the quad. I begin to feel my stomach turn, my palms sweat. No matter how many times I have done this, not dates, but encounter new people, this feeling returns. Every time I have to meet someone new, report on something, present something for a class, I would feel anxiety grip my insides and twist. When I was younger, that anxiety was terrifying, it made me cower, it made me scared. But as I got older, I began to use it and cling to it. I began to form it into an entity that gave me courage instead of taking it, something that would ground me to myself and propel me into my fears. 

Inej begins, “Kaz texted and said he’s outside. Reading. Good luck.” Then she’s gone.

Steadying my breath, the smell of coffee hits my nostrils as I round the library steps to the small path beside it. The coffee shop is nestled into the side of the huge, brick building, almost like a tumor sprouting from the side. Inej has completely disappeared, only leaving the familiar scent of herbs in her wake. She is supposed to be going up the library steps to find a good vantage point from one of the many windows facing the coffee shop on the building’s side. Students move around through the cafe windows, in and out of the doors, little bell ringing to signal both arrival and departure. 

But I am not paying attention to any of them. 

Because there is a boy. A man. Sitting at one of the tables outside, his long legs stretched underneath the opposite chair, wearing a pair of leather sneakers. His long fingers are thumbing through a novel, covers worn and pages yellow with age. He can feel someone there, looking, sitting up and turning in that little metal chair to see who. To see me. 

It’s Alek. 

I blanch, mouth going dry and jaw slackening. I know him. I more than know him. I- 

“Cataleya,” his voice is pure night, laced and dripping with stars. He doesn’t seem surprised to see me, not even phased. Not that I have ever seen him look surprised. I flash back to that day in the garden, to his hands on my face, wiping my tears, to his arms around me, murmuring condolences, to the face that I could see through my blurred tears. Dark hair, pale skin, beautifully big gray eyes. I had barely known him, barely seen him despite our houses being right next door, despite our windows being on opposite sides of the alley and me being able to spy on him when his curtains were parted at night. 

“Aleksander?” I stand a little straighter, gathering my shock and shoving it deep down. 

He smiles, standing up from the chair on the patio of the coffee shop. He is so tall, taller than I remember. His dark jeans are fitted against his legs and the black long sleeve button down he is wearing shows off a large portion of his impeccable chest. I don’t remember when the last time I saw him was, but I definitely don’t recall feeling the pulsing and intense heat that flashes through my body when I look at him. I suddenly feel naked. And stupid. 

Is Kaz trying to kill me?

Swallowing thickly, I scan the windows on the side of the library for Inej, wondering if she has already found a perch to play spy. The sun reflects off of each glass surface in the afternoon light, making it impossible to see through any of them. Blowing a breath through my lips, I attempt to quell the storm brewing and churning in my stomach. 

“What a wonderful surprise this is,” Alek starts. 

I catch the edge in his voice, the way the tone lilts at the end. A tell of how much this encounter is not a surprise. For him anyway. But I smile, I nod and I watch as he fluidly closes the distance between us and takes me in his arms. 

I hate how I exhale. 

How my whole body relaxes. 

I hate how good it feels. 

Like coming home. 

He smells like winter and barren tree branches, like snow and absence of light. Like a dark night wrapping me in its embrace and taking away the pain that days bring. Peaceful and mysterious all the same. Just as I remember it. Just as I remember him. 

“Since when did you start wearing all black?” I joke as he pulls away, gesturing to his outfit. “Are you some kind of darkling now?” 

He gives me a blinding grin, chuckling under his breath. 

“Something like that.” 

He gestures us back over to the table and I sit across from him, back rigid and legs crossed. I feel like a mannequin, still and stoic, despite the intense pounding of my heart and rush of blood through my veins. 

“How have you been?” He asks, leaning back in his chair with an amused look on his face. “I must say I was very surprised when your profile popped up Tinder.” 

I clench my jaw, working my teeth against each other. “Yeah, so was I.” 

Tilting his head to the side, Alek studies me, eyes unabashedly roaming from my face to my chest to my waist, to my legs visible on the side of the table. I swallow, trying to clear the unfamiliar lump in my throat before I speak. 

“But I’m good. Great, even. But I didn’t even know you are here. That you went here in the first place.” 

“It’s a temporary thing,” Alek responds. 

“Temporary?” I push. 

“I’m just getting a business credential for the semester,” he says, airy and dismissive. 

I narrow my eyes at him, hoping he can feel the suspicion and annoyance radiating from my look. He drums his fingers on the table, weighing my stare with a measured, even gaze that infuriates me further. I always hated when he did this when we were kids. Always challenging me. Always trying to get me to back down. Luckily, our time apart has sharpened my detective skills and my comfort with confrontation. 

Alek sighs, blinking slowly. “Fine. I’m here because of you.” 

My jaw slackens. 

Because of me? 

“I missed you,” he whispers, in a rare display of vulnerability and affection, before reaching across the table to take my hand. 

Fire lashes up my wrist and arm, chills spreading in its wake. His touch is electrifying me, his skin like a hot branding iron pushing into me with delicious pain. Alek’s jaw is set, the hard lines on his chin lined with stubble. I want to take his face in my hands and kiss him. I want to feel him against me and get lost in the impossibly deep gray ocean of his eyes. 

“Where were you then?” I venture, pushing down the pressing anxiety. 

“I had a lot to deal with after my dad died,” he responds, voice detached and noncommittal. “I’m really sorry I let our relationship fall away, but I didn’t want to drag you down into my grief. You’ve always had enough on your plate.” 

“You helped me through grief.” My tone steadies. “I wanted to help you.” 

He huffs, “I didn’t want your help.” 

The words are like a slap in the face, pulling my hand from his with a start. His dad’s death had been very abrupt and unexpected, launching Alek into a world of unknown wealth and property and an accumulation of other assets he wasn’t even aware his father had. His death was ruled under suspicious circumstances, but no leads were ever found for a murderer or any other sort of foul play. And with Alek’s mother long gone to cancer, he found himself newly eighteen and alone in the world. Except he wasn’t alone. He always had me. 

Alek releases a breath, eyes softening as he leans back in his chair, aware of the mistake in his harsh words. He pushes a hand through his hair, the dark waves parting for his hand like a saint in the sea. 

“I don’t mean it like that. I wanted you to be there, Cataleya. But some things you have to do on your own, you know? I had so much to figure out and sort through and… it was overwhelming.” 

I nod, chewing on the inside of my cheek. Alek was never the kind of guy to ask for help, especially not from people he is close to. He always did things alone, always felt weak for not building his own empire, his own legacy, his own destiny, without anyone else. But two years, I haven’t heard from him in two years and now here he is. In front of me. Asking for some sort of forgiveness. Is there anything to forgive? The pit in my stomach says yes. But my throbbing heart and other throbbing parts of me say no. 

“I missed you, too.” 

A small smile blossoms across his face, the sight beautiful and stupefying. 

“I can’t help but notice you walked here with Inej Ghafa,” he starts and my alert senses begin to tingle. “Isn’t she a part of Kaz Brekker’s Crow Club?” 

“How do you know about that?” I ask before I can help myself.

“Anyone who is anyone knows about Kaz,” he responds, almost spitting his name. 

“Okay…” I begin, unease settling into my stomach like a stone. “But why do you?” 

“He has something I need.” 

The stone becomes a boulder. 

“Are you-” I stop, then start again. “You’re the one that this is for.” 

“If by “this”, you mean whatever scheme he is planning to trap me in, then yes.”

“But why? How do you even know him? Don’t you know who he is and what he does? What are you thinking going against Kaz?” I ask urgently, struggling to keep my voice low. 

He pins me to the chair with a dead look. “He has debts he needs to pay.” 

“You’re going vague again?” I shake my head, irritated with his bipolar intensity then flippancy. “You need to back down. Or you’re going to end up hurt.” 

A smirk tugs at his full lips, “Your lack of faith in me is really inspiring, Cataleya.” 

“It’s not that,” I retort, exasperated, crossing my arms. “Kaz is really powerful. With more networks and connections than you know. If you don’t stop whatever crusade you have on him, you’re the one that’s going to end up indebted.” 

He laughs this time, a full and deep laugh that surprises me. “Has he really dug his talons that deep in you? That you’ve forgotten how wide my own connections spread? How cunning I can be?” 

“We haven’t spoken in two years,” I respond, pettily. “I don’t know you at all anymore.” 

He leans forward, eyes incredibly dark and face serious. “You know that’s not true.”

I hold his stare, raising my eyebrows, feeling satisfied that I made my point. Alek reaches across the table and places his palm up on it in invitation. I can see the veins of his inner wrist, with dark ink snaking across the blue and disappearing under his shirt sleeve. He didn’t have any tattoos when I last talked to him. My fingers itch to push back the fabric and see them. His secrets. Like Kaz’s, they are so plain on his skin yet hidden through metaphors and signs. 

Licking my lips, I push out a breath and put my hand atop his, feeling his eyes follow mine to where the ink is displayed. Without saying anything, he pushes the sleeve of his shirt up his forearm, stopping at the inner crook of his elbow. 

Inhaling and holding, I blink at the constellation on the inside of his forearm. A night sky, swirling with black and dead space, with creatures in between zombies and ghosts with huge demon wings flying through it. There is a ship at the base of his wrist, a small stern gliding through dark sand, a tiny speck compared to the massive size of the creatures flying above it. It is dark and torturing and incredibly impassioned. I let the pads of my fingers drift softly up Alek’s arm, watching goosebumps form on his skin. 

“What are they?” I ask. 

“They’re called volcra,” Alek says. “Beings that live in darkness and are afraid of light. They feed on those who come into their path, who are unable to see or defend themselves in the black sea of sand.” 

“It’s so… intense.” I search for the right word to describe it, coming up short. 

“I want to remind myself to not be afraid of light. Of happiness. That the things that I may think make me weak, really make me strong. I need to find more light, to find my light. I have been full of darkness for a long time, Cataelya. I’ve lived in a thousand moments of it.” 

I tilt my head, fingers pressed into the inside of his elbow and looking up at him through my lashes. His eyes are trained to the spot where our skin is meeting, his lips parted and eyebrows furrowed a bit in the middle. I resist the urge to flatten it with my thumb, letting the wind and the sound of other students fill the silence between us. 

“You were the only light in my life for a long time,” I say to him, tracing the volcra’s deformed bodies with my index finger. “I had nothing. I had no one. You pulled me from that nothingness. From the darkness. And held me in your arms. Brought me up to somewhere better. Where I can hope. Where I can not only see light, but make my own. That is invaluable to me.” 

He catches my hand and brings it to his lips, pressing a kiss to my palm. “Can you help me, then? Can you bring me back my light, too?” 

My breathing stalls. I know what he’s asking from me. I know it’s more than just offering a flashlight through the tunnel. I know it’s more complicated than I can currently imagine. Alek stands up, coming around the table to kneel in front of my chair. Some students stare, wondering if they’re about to witness a proposal. I ignore them, keeping my eyes trained on Alek’s imploring gaze. I know in this moment, I will give him the world, the moon, and all of its stars. I will give him all of my sun and then some, I will summon everything I have to fill the darkest parts of him. 

He takes my face in his hands, palms impossibly soft on my cheeks. Subtly, slowly, I nod, watching his face break a part into a smile. Without pausing, Alek leans forward and kisses me. His lips are smooth and plush, completely stunning me into inaction as he runs his fingers along the sides of my throat. I sigh into his mouth, body realizing what is happening just as he is pulling away. Parting my lips, I stupidly sit in my chair as he gets up in one flowing movement.

Alek looks down at me with a smile. “I hope to see you soon then, Cataleya.” 

Just like that, he scoops up his book and walks away. Gone as quickly as he appeared. 

----

The room is completely aglow with light, chandeliers hanging from the ceiling and candles lit around the room. Everything has a soft, burnt hue, like the room is on fire from below and the blaze is lighting the space. It must be the size of the University of Ketterdam quad, with hundreds of people talking, dancing, eating, and drinking. I recognize some students and faculty, but most are a blur of unfamiliar gowns and tuxedos. 

“They know how to throw a party,” Nik says appreciatively. 

“If they didn’t, no one would take them seriously.” Zoya retorts, leaving Nik’s side without so much as a glance to drift into the crowd. The smell of honey and sweet drinks spreads through the room, long tables lining either wall stacked with a massive spread. 

“That’s where I’ll be,” whispers Nina. 

I smile at her, gathering my dress in my hands and descending the few flat stairs to the main rooms. The floor is a beautiful tile, mosaics and colors that I can’t decipher flowing from the entry way beneath the mass of bodies. There is something magical about it all, something historic, like stepping into a time machine. The walls are lined with thick tapestries, with small halls leading into different areas of grandeur. I shouldn’t be surprised that wealth like this still exists, but every time I see it, I am. 

Scanning the space, I see Alek from across the ballroom, near one of the food tables, his gaze drifting across my body before a smile forms on his lips. He is wearing an all black suit, lapels crisp and smooth, with a single blood rose pinned above his heart. It mimics the read of my dress, the stain of my lips, the seduction in his eyes. He cocks his head slightly, dark hair falling over one of his beautifully arched eyebrows. 

I hold his stare, letting the bubbling pit of fire burn deeply in my stomach. The pit that forms when he looks at me, seated low and hot. The pit that would cackle and seethe if he would touch me, if his pale hands would settle on my hips and his lips would touch the shell of my ear, whispering sweet nothings and dirty everythings into my ear. Snaking my tongue between my lips, I watch as Aleksander tracks the motion, his posture straightening ever so slightly. 

And then Kaz is there. In my line of vision. 

The fire sputters out, replaced by something else. Something that grips my lungs and forces my heart to beat faster. His suit is a deep navy, bringing out the smooth pearl of his skin and accenting the night of his hair. He looks like a shooting star, dark and light at the same time. I wonder who picked it out for him, or if he selected it himself. I can’t imagine Kaz in a tailor’s shop, trying on suits and drinking bourbon with the upper elites with him. 

But then again, maybe I can. He is a business man after all. And great at faking it. 

Kaz catches my stare, tipping his head up in greeting before disappearing into the crowd. Nina and Nik dissolve from my side as well, going to observe and mingle before the drama begins. Alina is the only one left next to me, her golden dress sparkling in the chandelier light. She turns to me and sets her hand on my arm gingerly, sun earrings dangling from her ears. 

“Be careful,” she whispers. “He’s not who you think he is.” 

I open my mouth, about to ask her what she means before her hand is gone, and so is she. I watch her move into a group of people, hugging a man in a dark gray tuxedo from behind before giving him a kiss. Must be Mal. I don’t feel right, especially after what Alina said to me. I feel like something is amiss, but I don’t know what. 

I spot Kaz again, whispering something to Inej along the back wall. Her dark eyes drift to me, cementing the feeling in place. 

Alone, I cross the space to Alek. I had seen him twice since our fateful coffee date and both times had been very formal and full of business. Full of me trying to help him get his light back. Through some sort of grand scheme, it seems. One that required me to also recruit Nik, Alina, and Zoya to help Alek while seeming like they are helping Kaz. Sort of like a double agent, except I don’t know which side I want to be standing on at the end. 

“How are you?” Alek asks, tone casual to an untrained ear, but clipped enough for me to hear the true question behind his words. 

“Something’s wrong,” I respond under my breath before I loudly declare my happiness.

He lets his gaze linger on my face for a moment, schooling his features into neutrality. 

“Can you handle it?” 

“I’m not sure,” I admit, dropping my fake smile. “I might need help.” 

Vague enough, but he clearly gets the message, rolling his shoulders before giving me a dazzling grin. Alek reaches a long arm to stop the waiter passing by, grabbing two flutes of sparkling gold champagne and extending one to me. As if this is only our second time meeting. As if we both happened here by incident and he is looking to get lucky.

“I could never refuse such a beautiful woman.” 

I return his smile, throwing back the entire drink for some liquid courage. It tastes sweet and fizzy against my tongue, a faint acidity coating the roof of my mouth. Alek takes a long and thoughtful sip of his own champagne, much more graceful than me and folds my arm into the crook of his elbow. He begins to lead me from the ballroom, towards the Crow’s meeting spot. I look behind my shoulder, searching for their familiar faces. But all I see is Nina, already watching, her eyes focused intently on the joining of my arm with Alek’s while she pretends to listen to Nik, whose lips are moving with passionate fervor. Her mouth parts ever so slightly as she catches my eye. 

“Careful,” Alek mutters, forcing me to turn my head back in front of me. 

Dread and fear coil in my gut. I have never seen Nina look that way. I have never seen her look at me and not see me. I still don’t spot any of the other Crows at their reported positions around the room, where they were supposed to stay until I could get Alek alone and before I could lead Kaz to Alek and they could duel it out and I could decide who to side with then.

 I swallow, mind racing, trying to calm myself by believing that there’s a reason for their absence. 

 Alek seems to sense my trepidation, holding my arm a bit tighter as we meander from the crowded room into a near empty hallway. 

“Something’s wrong,” I repeat, trying to unravel everything quickly. Too quickly. 

Kaz, pushing everyone into this heist with such force. The others, more quiet than usual, less pressing for Kaz to give them details. Kaz, letting me teach him to drive, letting himself be vulnerable for me. Inej, barely talking to me a week into our plan. Nina, completely open and honest and warm until she saw me with Alek. Jesper, less happy than usual, less enthusiastic, more solemn and quiet, often excusing himself when I came into the room. And Wylan, always seeming to be off rekindling his relationship with his father. 

I didn’t need to help them with appearances at all. 

When fear arrives, something is about to happen. 

“It’s a trap,” I breathe, clenching my jaw and letting my stomach pit out inside of me. 

“I know,” Alek replies, cool and distant. 

My blood turns to ice. “What do you mean, “I know”?” 

He doesn’t respond, turning right down the hallway that leads to a back patio exit, and not to the left, to that private seating area where the Crows were supposed to be waiting. Alek increases his pace ever so slightly, giving me a glazed and lusted look when people come out of the rooms to pass us by, too high or drunk or exhausted to care. 

I try to stamp down the panic in my bones. How could I be so stupid? How could I get so caught up playing both sides that I didn’t see what was right in front of me? This is not the part where things are supposed to go wrong. I am supposed to get to choose. I am supposed to see them interact, gauge my feelings, myself, my words, and decide which side I want to be on. If I want to be a Raven or a Crow. If I want to be crime or creation. Of course, Alek is one step ahead. And so is Kaz. 

“We need to be more casual, less uptight,” Alek states as he pushes through the glass doors leading into the large mansion courtyard at the end of the corridor. “If any of them are watching, they’ll hurry things along if they sense we’re onto them.” 

“I think they already know,” I swallow, the night air turning cold and bitter. We hover on the cramped patio for a moment, not descending the small set of stone stairs into the gardens beyond. I can hear voices from inside, music drifting about, people laughing and heavy breathing from behind bushes. I wish I could have gone to this party with no other intentions than for fun. 

Maybe in a different life.  

“Doesn’t hurt to try,” Alek shrugs. 

And then I am up against the thin black railing behind me, Alek’s hands settling into the curve of my hips. I can feel his warmth through the satin of my dress, bleeding fire into my skin, my heart, my core. He licks his lips and pushes me tighter against him. Our bodies are flush in all of the right places; hard and soft in all of the right places. 

“Kiss me, Cataleya,” he baits me, voice low and raspy. 

He doesn’t have to say it twice. 

I surge forward, his lips plush and velvet against mine. He smells like winter, like snow and frosty tree branches and endless starry nights. I grew up with this smell, revelled in it, fell in love with it. His dark hair brushes against my forehead, the strands so soft and gentle in a way I had never known Alek to be. He is always pushing, moving, plotting. 

He reminds me of Kaz in that way. 

Kaz. 

Alek’s tongue slips along mine, sparks flying and thundering in my ears. Haven’t I wanted him like this for so long? Haven’t I imagined what this would feel like since our first kiss, being barely a peck? Haven’t I dreamed that he would want me? That he would have me in the way I desired? 

So why is this falling so flat now? 

Kaz. 

The voice reverberates through me, like a Crow picking from a dead body, peeling flesh from bone until I am stripped bare. My head begins to pound, a dull ache in the base of my skull. Alek runs his fingers up my bare arms, drawing goosebumps in his wake until I am shivering beneath him. 

“Cataleya,” he murmurs, deep and throaty. 

The old feeling returns, the burning desire, the expectant eyes. The little girl waiting for her master to approve. The little girl waiting for someone bigger, someone better, to grab her hand and drag her from the dirt. I feel ridiculous for not being able to squash it down, to tamper it. I don’t know if that feeling would ever die. The feeling of dependence. Of unworthiness. 

Alek seems as if he’s about to say something, but his head whips to the side. I follow the movement, the stone of dread in my stomach sinking deeper when I realize the courtyard has gone quiet around us. Not a single sound from behind the bushes, not a giggle or a whisper or a moan. Too quiet. The sound of death. 

The headache threatens to split my brain a part, eyes blurring as I watch Alek attempt to stumble down the stairs. He gets one step in before a figure blocks his path. My breathing becomes laborious, squinting through black spots clouding my vision before I can see who it is. 

Wylan. 

His suit is a forest green, dark velvet tailored for his tall lanky frame. The color perfectly offsets the ruddiness of his hair and his shoes are a deep brown leather, squeaky clean and new. Leave it to Kaz to outfit all of the Crows with his endless bank account. 

“I’m sorry,” Wylan says, face truly betraying some measure of regret. 

The pieces click together, like a lock sliding into place. 

He hasn’t been working with his father all these weeks. He has been working on something else entirely. Something that would take lots of time, lots of care, and lots of studying. When Nina said those things I thought she was talking about how he was mending the relationship with his father. She was not. And not just that, but his studies most likely required more than himself for success. Probably Leoni, the incredibly kind and intelligent biochemical engineering major who Kaz sometimes recruited for special missions that required more stealth, less blood. 

Wylan was studying poison. 

And we had ingested it from the champagne. 

----

My head is throbbing when I come to, the sound of a car engine roaring in my ears. I don’t know how I got here. All I remember is Alek, his hands on me, his warmth leaving me to spin me into the arms of someone else. The shaved hair, the deep brown eyes, the palor of his skin, the stability of his grip around my waist. Then Alek again, his lips on mine, my back against the wall.

 I force myself to swallow, trying to see anything through the blindfold at my eyes. I am still in my dress, the silk smooth on my skin, and I can feel the car coming to a stop as I struggle to find the strength to say something. 

My bones feel like liquid, muscles weak and shaking. But Alek had been the only one who offered me a drink, he had been the only one I trusted enough to gulp heartily. Wylan. I remember Wylan. Standing at the ledge of the stairs in the courtyard. Me and Alek. 

Poisoned. 

The car’s back door opens and I feel a rush of the cold night air as two gloved hands drag me by my feet from the vehicle and out onto the street. Dread coils in my stomach and my skin pricks with goosebumps, the cobble stones ripping at my exposed ankles and arms. After being dragged a few hundred feet, hissing at the burn of scapes and tearing on my skin from the uneven street, I am forced onto my knees.  I don’t feel right. Nothing feels right. Where is Kaz? 

As if in answer, the blindfold is yanked down my face from behind, my eyes blurring and struggling to adjust to the dark light of my surroundings. I am in an alley, wedged between two buildings built of collapsing brick. I can hear the faint whiz of cars, but in front of me is only a few hundred paces of the alleyway and then trees. I am not being brought here to talk. It’s too secluded. Too quiet. And the smell, bark and sap and something else… I clench my jaw. 

A shadow fills my periphery and I struggle to stay up on my knees as a figure takes shape in front of me. The navy suit, clean white shirt, the black leather gloves, the hard lines of his jaw and set of his eyes. I know why I am here. I know what this is. His stare is furious, rage and ice and merciless vengeful eyes boring into mine. 

He made the choice for me.

“Kaz,” I rasp, voice cracking and broken. 

He snarls at his name from my mouth, shoving me up into the nearest building. I stumble in my heels, his movements fast and forceful enough to drive my back into the wall with no problem. The rough edges of the brick dig into my back, clawing at my skin. This is nowhere near the last experience I had against a wall, with Alek. Caressing me, kissing me, igniting me. I try to stay calm. I try to think. But all I can see is Kaz’s face in front of me, burning with hatred and disdain as he rams me harder into the unforgiving bricks. 

I try to hold in my scream as a knife plunges into my side from one of the roofs above, deep and intense pain bursting through me. I don’t know who threw it, I don’t know how many of them are up there and how many stayed behind. I don’t know how long they’ve been in on it, I don’t know if Kaz has been aware the entire time. But I do know that now he knows, they all do. And that I won’t be leaving here alive. 

I can’t move enough to take the knife from my side, the hilt small, but the blade curved and lodged deep above the bone of my hip. Blood seeps through my dress, the red becoming impossibly darker, and the drip drip of the liquid pings against the stone street as it runs down my legs. It’s the only sound between us besides my ragged breathing, pained and desperate. 

“This was all a test of loyalty,” he says evenly. “You failed.”

And I would die for it. 

Kaz’s hands close around my throat, gaze steely and intent. I try not to panic, my jaw locking and lungs constricting with the pressure of his grip. The warmth of the blood continues spreading and soaking through my side, red and sticky and filling my nostrils with the scent of copper. I can already barely breathe, trying and failing to make it through the pain. It makes sense how loose Kaz’s lips had been with me, all the questions he had asked to try and taunt me, to reveal my relationship to Alek, how he let me teach him; he thought I would be a dead woman soon. And dead women don’t spill secrets. Or give lessons beyond the grave.

“We knew it was you all along,” Kaz says in my face, tone even as he chokes me. “Funny. You didn’t even know he was here until we flushed him out for you. Until we set up that date and watched you become the person we suspected you were. Until you crawled back to him and pretended he was the only light in the pit of darkness that’s been your life.” Kaz’s gloved fingers are hot against my pulse and his hair is falling down his forehead, sides freshly shaved. I can see every prick of stubble along his chin, see the muscles feathering in his jaw. I’ve never been this close to him before. Not even in the car. A day that felt so long ago. Like a lifetime. 

“Don’t you know why we scouted you in the first place? We knew he would try to ruin us from the inside out and use you to do it, it was only a matter of time. But that game can be played by both sides.” His voice is low, a snarl that roars in my ears, my side throbbing. “Nikolai, Alina, Zoya… you thought that you were bringing in new recruits to then turn against us. We had them first. They were always Crows, not one of Aleksander Morosova’s ravens. They have even more of a reason to want revenge on him than I do. And I’ll bet they’re being even less pleasant with him than I am with you right now.” 

A pit burns inside of me, low and feral, deepening with each of his words. 

“But even before that, I wanted you.” 

And I know, at the tenor of his voice, it’s not the kind of want that I would ever seek. At how his voice drops, so no one else can possibly hear, that I will not like what he is going to say. 

“I wanted you the moment I saw you and your father’s face in the news. When I heard what he did to your mother even though no one would believe he could have done it. I knew he did.” He is seething, spitting on me as he goes on. “I knew that he was capable of ordering violence. Of committing it and buying people’s silence. I could see it in his eyes, I could see it in the way he held you against him. Possessive and consuming.”

I have gone completely still, the very blood in my veins seeming to stop, the pulsing at my side ebbing into a dull ache. His words are in a bubble, trapped between our lips. Each syllable pops and rebuilds it, over and over. Trapping me, over and over. 

“I didn’t leave the day they came to kill Jordie.” He continues, “I thought something was wrong, for him to force me out the way he did. I hid on the roof of our building and climbed down the stairs of the fire escape a few hours later. Then I saw him. Your father. Positioning my brother’s body on our couch, I saw him take the bloodied knife and place it on the floor, beneath Jordie’s fingers. I watched as he cleaned off any fingerprints, stole away any evidence. He had no blood on him and by the two men that stumbled onto the street and disappeared down an alley, I knew he hadn’t done the actual act...

“But what’s worse? Following an order for murder or sanctioning it?” 

I feel tears slipping down my cheeks, dropping like flies on Kaz’s gloves. 

“I followed him. Learned everything I could. I learned that he had been involved with an underground drug operation for decades. That my parents had been in debt with them due to some bad decisions in my dad’s twenties. And that your father had been sent to collect or kill. To send a message to the other debtors. Little did your father know that the victims had two children, that they escaped. And that they would be coming for him.” 

The air around me turns infinitely colder, everything still and quiet except Kaz’s voice. 

“I watched you too.” He continues, fingers losing their grip a bit on my throat. “I watched to see who you would be. If we would indeed become enemies, as our parents were. I observed you grow with Morosova, how he controlled you, how he led you away all those years, how he kept you quiet and kept you in the dark so you would never find out the truth and be killed, like your mother was.” 

His words stab me deeper than the knife, my heart in ribbons. Hearing him confirm my darkest fears unleashes the worst parts of me, the parts I tried so hard to keep hidden. Terrified. Insecure. Silent. Obedient. The little girl with an abusive father and dead mother. I hadn’t been her in so long, but Kaz is stripping me down. Shredding me. 

 Kaz’s voice drops lower, as if he’s telling me a horrible secret. “He knew about it, Cataleya. Aleksander,” he purrs the name like a curse, “he knew everything. His father was one of the men your father ordered to kill Jordie. Who was a part of the team dispatched to eradicate those who didn’t pay, eradicate my parents. Your parents were working together, how fitting that you and Aleksander would, as well. Fate is funny that way.” 

The world shatters around me, broken and splintering into a million pieces. Alek knew. He sat there and listened to me while I cried about my mother, how I had desperately wanted his help to look into what happened. He had warned me to want anything was to give myself up. That the only way for me to find peace was to move forward and never look back. That if I continued to want for closure, I would never find it.

 “The problem with wanting is that it makes us weak.” He had said, over and over. 

How ironically true that had become. 

Kaz isn’t done. He continues to pick at me, the Crow in him unable to stop, his dark eyes burning with hate. “Where your own father failed, Aleksander’s father succeeded. He remembered seeing pictures in my house, of me and of Jordie. He remembered that there were two boys. And when I killed him by placing a bomb under his car to be rigged as an oil problem, his son stepped into the role to finish what his father started. To silence me too. But he didn’t and for me, for Jordie, I swore I would destroy them, brick by brick.” 

My breathing is coming out in short rasps, eyes blurred with tears of anger and embarrassment and white hot pain. I have been played. So horribly. By everyone in my life. Lied to. By every single person I had known. Even Alek. Alek, who had been the one person I thought would save me. Would be the one in the end to stand by me, to see me, to understand me. But he didn’t. He never did. He used me. Just like my father did. To be a sweet, obedient girl. 

In the few months I had known Kaz, he has seen more of me than Alek ever did. 

All we ever wanted, me and Alek and Kaz, was to feel safe and be loved. But we never trusted anyone enough to be either. So we fought and resisted and pushed. Into darkness. 

A whistle sounds from above, quick and melodic. Inej. Signaling Kaz that he needs to hurry. That enough is enough. But I can see it in his eyes. The hardness. The black pits of revenge and hatred and loathing he feels when he looks at me. It would never be enough. This retribution that he savored for years will never last as long as he wishes it to. I want to wither away into nothing under his stare. Not enough. Not his. Never his. Never a Crow.

“I know you love him,” he whispers so none of the others lurking can hear. “I know he’s the one who saved you. But he used you, Cataleya. He controlled you. You could’ve been so much better, so much bigger. It’s a shame the apple never falls far from the tree.”

I wish it had been you to save me instead. I think, shoving the words down my constricted throat. Maybe if it were Kaz, all those years ago, then things wouldn’t have gotten so messed up. Then maybe I would have been more like Inej, graceful, strong, full of more purpose than what Alek gave me. Maybe I could have meant something. To someone. To the Crows. 

But Kaz didn’t find me. Alek did. Alek led me from the garden and held my hand. Alek stroked my hair and told me it would be okay. That I would be okay. Alek raised me to be unforgiving, to scheme and stab people in the back to fill the empty hole in my life. Control. Kaz had said. How he controlled me. How he deceived me. With love. Love. Fake. Love. Fake love. I want to cry or scream at all of them, shaking with rage. I have been a pawn this whole time. 

“We are all controlled by something.” I push out, my voice weak. 

I try to swallow and fail at the reapplied pressure of Kaz’s palms, drool and spit bubbling from my lips. The alley wall is hard against my back, the night sky black and endless above me. The smog cover is so thick I can’t see the stars, despite the bright spots beginning to dance in my vision. I feel something prick at my spine with the pressure of my position like a silent reminder, mind sharpening and resolve strengthening. Love or no love. I have to finish what I started. I have to complete my assignment. Even if it isn’t one from Kaz. 

Even if it is from a liar. 

Lies are all I have known. 

All I have to hold on to. 

I can’t be saved. From darkness. My own or from others. I have waded too deep, gone too far. I may not be a true Raven, but I am definitely not a Crow. No matter how much I wish I could be. No matter how much I came to appreciate them, to care for them, to trust them. 

Trust is the most dangerous weapon of all. 

Slipping my hands behind my back as if I am trying to scramble against the wall, I reach for the cool metal of the blade attached along the zipper of my dress, letting out a choking cry to cover the unsheathing of my knife. The movement burns my side, ripping open my wound further to pour more blood. It runs over Kaz’s dress shoes, stains my legs. I am losing it too quickly, too much of it ebbing from me at once. Kaz’s hands press harder to my throat, forcing me, willing me, begging me to die now that his speech is over. I know he doesn’t enjoy this. I know he doesn’t relish in murder. Neither do I. 

But love is love.

Control is control. 

And business is business. 

Kaz would agree on that. 

“If I’m going down, Kaz,” I begin, voice barely a whisper. “You’re coming with me.” 

Without wasting another second, I shove the tip of my knife deep between Kaz’s ribs, watching his face contort in pain and dark eyebrows shoot up in surprise, then furrow in agony. Almost immediately, I hear a scream tear from somewhere on the roofs above and feel a pang of sorrow course through me. Inej just watched me stab the love of her life. Inej, the strong, graceful warrior who had been through more than all of us. She had screamed. Wailed.

I hear her words echo around my brain. The autumn leaves. Her cream sweater. The weight of her stare. “Some people just can’t be saved. But we love them anyway.”  

My sight falters.

 Kaz’s grip on my neck loosens, then completely disappears as he stumbles back and I fall towards the concrete without him holding me in place. An arrow pierces my shoulder from above, Jesper no doubt. With that incredible skill for landing true. The impact pushes me forward into Kaz’s already falling body, his white tux shirt now stained with blood. 

The world spins, my head making hard contact with the street. 

“This action will have no echo.” The rough words leak from Kaz’s lips, voice faint and faraway. If I could cry now I would, remembering the meaning of those words that Inej had told me just days ago. We would repeat nothing now. No more harm. To ourselves or others. This is our repentance. Our forgiveness.

Kaz is close to me, for I can feel the warmth of his body and the slick of his blood as it mixes with mine and stains the concrete.

If someone told me nine years ago, when I buried that cat and found my mother buried instead, that this is where I would end up, I wonder how differently my life would have been. I wonder if I would have chosen a different path. One full of forgiveness and happiness. The one of creation instead of crime. Instead of revenge and retribution. The weight of those decisions hang over me like a cloak, protecting and exposing me at the same time. Using the last bits of my strength, I turn my head to the side to look at him. 

Kaz is on his back beside me, so close that I can reach out and touch him. Touch his hand that is limp with resignation, his side that is red with blood, his lips that are white with death. He is the most beautiful man I have ever seen. Even as a small line of blood trickles from the corner of his lips and pings onto the stones. I let my eyes close, pretending the stars behind my eyelids belong to the sky and not to the Grim Reaper. Pretending the stars are his eyes.

We’ve all had hard lives. We’ve all taken on assignments that were too big for us. We’ve all done things we regretted and we all leaned on each other too much for our own good while leaning on no one at all. We all let the ghosts of our pasts haunt us into our future. Especially Kaz. And that’s the problem with trusting ghosts, in the end you become one. 

You become transparent, empty, without an echo. 

“No mourners.” I manage to mumble into the night. 

“No funerals.” A disembodied voice murmurs back, but I’m not sure who it belongs to. 

And then there is nothing but darkness. 

---

~Admin Eggplant

[dragonrajafanfiction]

Dragon Dancer Chapter 20: Star of Cassell

a/n: The secret to writing good training montages is to make them as cute as all get out and then immediately have the student apply what they learn.

Previous Chapter

Go back to the Beginning

Johann and I walked in silence back towards my dorm room. The reality of what had happened set in now that things were quiet. I couldn’t believe I had just lost it in front of the entire school and someone recorded it no less.

On top of that then forcing Johann to be my boyfriend in front of everyone? Wasn’t that what I was trying to avoid someone doing to me? I was such a child.

Johann stopped walking so I stopped.

“How did you submit the answer to the quiz question so quickly?” He asked me.

“Because I saw that tablet before. While I was gone.” I said, not looking up, keeping my eyes on my hands.

“People study years to read an ancient text like that.”

I chewed my lip and tilted my head away from him.

“Meixiu…” His voice was barely above a whisper. “Please tell me.”

“I can’t. I really can’t. But…” I took a deeper breath. “You’re really smart. I believe you’ll figure it out. But when you do? Don’t tell me you did.”

I raised my eyes to him. I could almost hear his clockwork brain ticking away.

“Alright. Send me your class schedule. Most of the classes are cancelled because the teachers are out on assignment, but members of Lionheart will give you supplemental lessons to catch you up.”

“Thanks.”

“No thanks needed.” We continued until I reached my dorm, he handed me his phone number on a slip of paper. “I’ll be back here at 6 am. Get to sleep.”

I set my alarm to 5 am. And when I woke up I saw a message with him. He’d planned out my entire day down to the minute! 

“He’s picked out meals for me? Isn’t that a little controlling? Geez…” I muttered scrolling up. “How long did it take him to do this?” I frowned a little to myself.

I twisted my hair into an updo and dressed in my Cassell uniform. I put my star of Cassell in the nightstand drawer. If anyone needed confirmation that I’d won it, there was video tape.

I made it outside ten minutes to six and found him waiting for me already. “You’re early. Good.” He said.

“How long were you planning to stand here?” I asked with a puzzled grin.

“It’s customary at Cassell for boyfriends to walk their girlfriends to class.”

“Oh.” He started walking and I followed him. “They have a lot of traditions like that, huh?”

“Like what…?”

“Old school traditions. Like… Old boy’s school traditions.”

“Maybe now that you’re here that will change. You bested Mingfei in one of the challenges. It’s bound to have an effect.”

“You think so?”

“Cassell College is heavily skewed toward preferring male students, even the entire gear department is male.” He told me.  “Cassell only stands to benefit if you continue to excel.” 

“Oh, so I guess you’re not upset that I asked you out?”

“No. I was… uh…” A silence while he tried to find the right word. “... caught off guard. I’m sure with the Star alone, you would have been fine.”

The midsummer sun rose over the college. We reached the main campus as the bells tolled the hour. The birds were singing. It was quiet. I lifted my eyes to the students who were watching us go by. Some with curiosity. Others with jealousy. A few others nodded their heads, paying a respectful greeting.

We reached the library, I felt my pulse start to hammer. Johann, who had been reaching for the door, stopped what he was doing. “What’s wrong?”

My mouth opened but nothing came out.

“You don’t want to go in there.”

I shook my head. 

“I didn’t realize.” He lowered his hand. “Then where?”

A place immediately came to mind. “This is going to sound weird. The basketball court.”

He didn’t question it. “Alright. I’ll let Susie know.” He texted as I walked.

“Sorry…” As we distanced ourselves from the library, I found my voice again. “I got scared.”

“I understand. The reason why we have events like the one last night is to desensitize ourselves to what we might face when investigating dragon activity. You didn’t have that opportunity when you were facing that servitor in the library.”

As soon as we got to the courts, he put his phone away. “I have to go. Susie will meet you here. I’ll be back for you at lunch time.”

 I sat on the bench where we first met and smiled at him. 

He didn’t return it. “You’ll be hungry. She won’t go easy on you.” 

I watched him walk away my happy feeling waning. Well, no matter, I’d faced tough teachers before. How hard could she be?

Susie caught up to me, wheeling a wagon full of books behind her. “I can’t believe we’re going to study outside. Don’t you realize that it’s forecast to be in the mid-eighties with some terrible humidity? You give someone the Star of Cassell and, suddenly, they’re a dictator!”

I winced. “I’m sorry. I’m not pushing you around, it’s just that I got scared and Johann…”

“Johann?” She reared up to her full height. “Oh, no, you’re not blaming him for this. Believe me. If it weren’t for that little emblem, he wouldn’t baby you! Who gets scared of a library?” She slammed the books on the bench, her eyes glaring down at me from above her glasses. “You’re his girlfriend for three months. I’m here to at least give you the appearance of being worthy of it!”

“Hey… I…”

She pointed to them. “These are your study materials! You have to read all of these and be ready for the test in three weeks!”

“Three weeks?! That’s insane!”

She brushes me off. “We have to cram nine months of study in the next three if you’re to graduate in time!”

“Wait wasn’t I just behind six months?”

Susie rubbed her nose as if hit by the biggest migraine.

“Nevermind… Dumb question.” I chewed my lip.

“Haha!” She gave a humorless laugh. “Good jokes. Alright, let’s get started. First history, then Genealogy, then Alchemy!”

We spent at least an hour on each, followed by an exercise to make sure I was capturing what I was learning. The minute she saw my mind wandering she snapped her fingers to get my attention. This rubbed me the wrong way but she had a good point. If I was going to live up to what they were asking me to do this would not be easy. Besides, this is nowhere I hadn’t been before. If I could dance the lead role of the Dark King, I could do this.

The heat was blazing by noon and we moved our study under a tree. Johann approached as the clocktower tolled. “Thank you, Susie.”

“Seriously? Don’t mention it.” Susie said, holding out my exam papers to him.

I looked up at him. He was carrying something. “Here, I wasn’t sure what you liked, but these seemed popular.” He said.

“You made her lunch?” Susie whispered. “Don’t you think this is too much?”

“It’s customary for boyfriends to make bento boxes for girlfriends.” His expression was blank, his voice matter-of-fact.

Susie takes a deep breath and smiles. “Oh! That’s true!” She walked away. The glare she tossed over her shoulder at me was pure poison.

My eyes widened slightly. “Oh.” 

He sat next to me handing me the box wrapped in a cloth napkin. He pulled out a red pen and started reading over my exercises, marking and making little notes.

The rice balls and veggies had been crafted into cute little animals! I laughed. “Wow this is really neat! Almost too good to eat!” I smiled over at him but he was focused on grading my paper. “How’d I do?”

“Don’t worry about it. Any deficiencies will be addressed in the next lesson.”

“Right!” I took a bite. It was so good. A perfect blend of sweet and sour and salty. “You’ve known Susie for a long time? I ventured?”

“She’s extremely devoted to Lionheart.” He said.

“To Lionheart. Right.”

“She’s also the number one sniper on campus.” He turned to me as I began choking. “Don’t eat too fast.”

“Sorry.” I took a drink of water. 

“She’ll also be handling your firearms training.” He flipped to the next paper. “If you agree to it. She is a tough teacher.”

“No tougher than some of my ballet instructors.”

He nodded once without looking at me.

“Have you … ever dated…?”

“Can you save questions until after I’m done?” 

“Oh! Sorry…” We spent the rest of the lunch in silence.

“Here, study these notes as well as the homework Susie gave you.” 

I stared at the pages. They were positively bleeding. I would probably need another six hours to study!

“Lancelot will be here soon to do your martial arts training.” He said, standing up.

“Huh? I thought you said you were going to do that?”

He halted, frowning slightly. 

I scrambled to retract what I said. "It’s fine if you can’t! Just because I have that silly star doesn’t mean you’re my slave.” How much of this was because he wanted to and how much of this was because he was obligated? “If you have something you need done, just tell me!”

“Right, I’ll send you my complete schedule for the week.” He said.

“Ah…” That wasn’t what I meant!

Lancelot jogged up, waving enthusiastically. “Hey Carli!” He said, “Ready to go?”

“Don’t work her too hard. She just ate.” He said as he walked away.

“Sure thing, Chairman.” Lancelot watched him go and then grinned down at me. “You certainly know how to make an entrance.”

“I’m feeling kind of terrible now…” I hang my head.

“You should!” He started to laugh. 

His good-humor was exactly what I needed. I stood up. “So what are we going to do?”

“Well we’re going to walk to the left… and then tomorrow, we’re going to walk to the right… Stance and position are just as important in martial arts as they are in ballet. I don’t expect you to have to spend too long on the fundamentals.”

Regardless of what he expected, spending time was exactly what he did. His criticism of my form and posture was constant but I took this much better because I was used to it. By the end of the hour, I was exhausted and I hadn’t done much.

“Good, you’re way above some of the others we drag in here. Enjoy your break.” Lancelot waved over his shoulder. 

I had a block of three hours before study time where I could do whatever I wanted. I returned to my dorm to shower and change clothes. Much to my surprise, Ielia popped out of my necklace, looking very satisfied.

“Oh, have a good day in your dimension?” I asked.

She beckoned me with one finger and then pointed to a pen and then to the wall. “Drawing on the walls again?”

With her help, I traced another rune, larger than what I had done on the wall of the Comemnus condo. Once it was completed, I felt a pull. The blowing of the air from the AC sounded far away, like I’d been plunged underwater. She then had me trace out words, English words.

“Time Dilation. Three hours here = 1 hour outside.”

My jaw dropped. She gave me a thumbs up. Then she put her finger to her lips. I understood. This would be a secret too.

After a little nap, I got back up to study. She watched me, shaking her head and correcting me when I was wrong, adding more information if I needed help. She knew everything I was trying to learn and then some. Cassell was relying on ancient texts and archeological finds. But in her world, dragons were still alive. She even disagreed with some of the books, but she didn’t elaborate because she didn’t want to confuse me.

The next item on my schedule was a video conference oral review after dinner. Johann didn’t prepare this meal for me, instead having it delivered to my dorm.

“Were you able to get any rest?” He asked once I’m connected.

“Yes, a lot.” I noticed the strange whirring sound in the background as well as the strange seating. “Johann are you on a plane?”

“We were called out on a mission earlier today. I can’t talk about this one.”

My heart drops. “Oh… “

“Something the matter?”

“No, I…” I paused. “I just wish I could be there with you.”

“You’ll get there soon. Probably before you know it. Let’s see your progress.”

I focus my mind on the questions, getting all but one correct. Johann’s brow furrowed. “Very good.”

“Thanks!” I grinned.

He stared at me for several seconds. “I guess I shouldn’t expect any less from an S-rank.”

“Hey give me some credit! I worked really hard!”

 “I have to log off now. Schneider’s debriefing us.”

“Alright. Stay safe.”

The next day, Johann wasn’t there to walk with me.

Nor did he return the day after that.  That day, he didn’t call me as scheduled. My heart pounded in my chest as two minutes late turned to three minutes… then four minutes.

Before I could call him, my phone rang. It was EVA. “We have an urgent situation! All S-rank and A-rank are required to report to the Execution Department immediately!”

Next Chapter

[ladyhistorypod]

Episode 18: Three’s Company, Four’s Divine

Sources

Ishtar

Open Richly Annotated Cuneiform Corpus: Mesopotamia Timeline

Open Richly Annotated Cuneiform Corpus: Inanna/Ishtar

Electronic Text Corpus of Sumerian Literature: Inanna and Enki

Electronic Text Corpus of Sumerian Literature: Inana's Descent to the Netherworld

Cuneiform Digital Library Initiative: Composite Text of Akkadian Descent of Ištar

Journal of Near Eastern Studies

CON­STRUCT­ING THE IM­AGE OF ASSINNU BY MARTTI NISSINEN SAANA SVÄRD

Further Learning: Electronic Text Corpus of Sumerian Literature: Epic of Gilgamesh, Epic of Gilgamesh: Standard Babylonian Version

Nüwa

Oxford Reference

Mythopedia

Google Arts & Culture

Further Learning: Remarks by Ambassador Cheng Jingye

Danu & Tuatha Dé Danann

The Goddess Danu (YouTube)

Danu - Irish Goddess (YouTube)

Ancient History of Ireland, Tuatha De Danaan, Scythians, and Phoenicians (YouTube)

Celtic Mythology - An Introduction to the Tuatha De Danann (YouTube)

Further learning: House Shadow Drake - Don and Dana, Celtic Myth and Legend, Poetry and Romance, The Sacred Isle: Belief and Religion in Pre-Christian Ireland, Life Understood from a Scientific and Religious Point of View, The History of Ireland

Persephone

Hesiod’s Theogony

Homer’s Hymn to Demeter

Madeline Miller

Further Learning: Lore Olympus (webcomic), Punderworld (webcomic)

Attributions: A Ghrà by Damiano Baldon

Click below for a transcript of this episode!

Haley: Which goddess is three point three seven feet tall? Kelsie: Three point three seven? Haley: Yes. Alana: Do– do you want us to say? Do you want to say? Lexi: These jokes are just a quiz for Kelsie. Haley: I have to have multiple jokes? I'm not ready. Alana: I have one it’s fine. Haley: Okay well it's Demeter. Alana: And you know you should also you know in in in COVID times, in COVID times you should be standing Demeters apart. Lexi: Oh. My. Lord Jesus. Oh my god. I should say oh my lord Ashera [Ash-er-a]. Kelsie: There you go. Alana: Oh, that's very funny. Haley: I love when Alana’s– Alana: Ashera [Ash-ay-ra], actually please. Lexi: Yeah, right. I knew as soon as I said it I said it wrong. Haley: Every couple of episodes Alana will… like Lexi and I will say something, and Alana will be like “oh that's like really funny” in this tone and like… I’m always funny. Don’t be surprised. I don't need this from you. Kelsie: Actually Haley, you're quite hilarious. Haley: Thank you. Lexi: Wait, but how does that tie into social media? Haley: I didn't get to the question yet. The question is because for… well my dad doesn't listen to my podcast, but for my dad is the worst person to get Christmas or birthday presents and his birthday is January 2, so like hop skip and a jump right after Christmas. But he loves board games, and his favorite board game is Codenames, so I have printed out over two hundred photos– like family photos– of the like stupidest photos in the world. And I'm laminating everything so it could be his own Codenames pictures, replacing all of it. Kelsie: That’s good. Haley: And my question is, is there a photo from your childhood where you're like what am I doing but you have that second jolt of like no this actually makes complete sense when you're realizing like what you're doing in the photo? For me it was crouching down in like the seventh grade next to a kangaroo, waking up a kangaroo, and then immediately after getting punched. I also had bangs but it was Australia and humidity or whatever climate that just didn't work with my curly hair. Lexi: So that was a set up so I could say that the picture of me digging up a dinosaur… Which, famously on this podcast I get mad when people think archaeologists dig up dinosaurs. Kelsie: As you should. Lexi: But yes, there is a picture of me, five years old, digging up a dinosaur. Not a real one. I don't think they’d let four year olds do that. Haley: But the best part is the goggles! Lexi: I have goggles on to protect me from the dirt. Kelsie: That’s important. You don’t want to get schmutz in your eyes. Lexi: But I’ve never been on a dig where I wore goggles. Kelsie: Maybe you should. Maybe you should wear goggles next season. Lexi: You know how much acne I’d get around my face if I wore goggles in the heat of Israel? Alana: Yeah, right? Kelsie: Who cares? Alana: No, go to Ireland! [INTRO MUSIC] Alana: Hello and welcome to Lady History; the good, the bad, and the ugly lady you missed in history class. We're back recording new episodes, so here is Lexi. Lexi, what would you be the goddess of? Lexi: Cross stitching and tricycles. Alana: Do you want to elaborate or just leave it at that? Lexi: Well right now I am cross stitching and it's what I do with my hands when I'm talking because I have mental problems and the only way I can focus on something is to do something else mindless. And the tricycle is because I have an adult tricycle and an anecdote my dad took that tries to go into the bike repair shop to get the brake fixed and he was too embarrassed to say it was his daughter’s so he said his wife bought it for his mother in law. Alana: And I really like that question so I'm also gonna ask Haley. Haley, what would you be the goddess of? Haley: I think I would be the goddess of eggs, just because I would control them and like not take it in because like I don't wanna be the goddess of something like I destroy, so like… Alana: For the irony. Haley: The irony. Eggs. Alana: And it's our third ever guest, Kelsie! Kelsie, tell the listeners a skosh about yourself. Kelsie: Hi everybody I'm Kelsie Ehalt. I am a Master’s student at Brandeis right now and I'm going to go and list the department I'm in. It's just a lot of words, so get ready. But I'm in the joint program in Near Eastern and Judaic Studies and Women, Gender, and Sexuality Studies, those are two different departments, but they both have ‘ands’ which makes things confusing. But basically I study ancient history via texts right now. I do archaeology as well but right now since digging’s not really a thing because we shouldn’t travel because of the pandemic, I'm really focusing on languages for my Masters. And then I also incorporate the gender studies side of things into the equation, so I'm just looking at how gender functions in the ancient world and thinking about it from a not straight white man perspective, basically, because that's basically all that’s been published. And there’s some better scholarship coming out now, but there's still some work to be done so I'm doing what I can there. Alana: We do love all of that. And I'm Alana and I tried to start an all goddess religion when I was like eight. (Haley laughing) Alana: Me and my friend Kay who is one of my like oldest friends in the whole world, they're gonna get a shout out a little bit later as well because they sort of helped me in my research. We like tried to start up polytheistic all goddess religion when we were like eight. We like had a list of goddesses that we wanted to name and we like created little rituals. A great time to be had. Kelsie: Everyone should have just a religion creation phase I think. Alana: Absolutely. We called it Selenism because the main goddess was Selene. Haley is shaking her head at me and it's making me feel… ways. Haley: I love it but also like… Lexi: I feel like I was like writing fan fiction before I knew it was fan fiction, while you simultaneously were making a religion. Haley: Like I'm not surprised that either of this happened. Not surprised at all. Alana: It's a true story, it's a fun story. We kept a lot of ash in bottles… related to this religion that we were making up. Kelsie: Where did you get ash from when you were like… Haley: Yeah, that’s the… Alana: I don't think we still have it, but like we had it for a while. Lexi: No no no, where did you acquire it? Kelsie: What were you burning? Alana: Oh. From like. I don't remember. Haley: No that's a body. Alana: I think we just like burned paper or something and collected the ash. Kelsie: Oh, that’s not exciting. Alana: We played with a lot of fire when I was… Kay and I… we played with a lot of fire. Haley: Yeah! Yes! Yes. Lexi: I don’t know what to say. Haley: No, playing with fire… Wait, were you a Girl Scout too? Alana: No, I was a Daisy for half an hour and then they wanted me to do all this like stupid weird shit like say my own name in a group of people so that was a no no for baby Alana. Alana said no no to being a Daisy. Kelsie: Alright so I'm going to talk about my girl Ishtar today. So Ishtar is the Akkadian name for the goddess of love and war but the Sumerian version of her name is Inanna so I might switch back and forth between Ishtar and Inanna but know that by the later period they're the same person. There's some debate about whether Ishtar was a separate goddess who became then sort of like coagulated in with this earlier Inanna, or if Ishtar is just like a direct connection to Inanna, there's a debate about this, it’s not quite clear. So I’ll probably refer to her as Ishtar. If I mess up and instead of Inanna it’s because I work with the later period stuff so I don't really see Inanna too much. But anyway so Ishtar, Inanna is the Mesopotamian goddess of love and war. And she's depicted in all kinds of different texts, but obviously we have the most interesting sort of goddess information about her from the mythological texts, but she also shows up in legal texts because they're just invoking her to you know validate decisions, things like that. And people in this period, well in Mesopotamia across all periods of history, have personal gods so she’s invoked in sort of just letters too if they're just like “hey bud I'm sending you this thing, you know, good luck, thanks Ishtar or Inanna.” like whatever, she's brought up a lot. But for today I'm gonna focus on a few of the mythological texts because I think that's where we get the most interesting information about who she is as a character in the Mesopotamian religion. So the biggest story, or the story where she has the biggest role, is– the title’s translated, there's not really a title, they don't always title these tablets. But it's translated as the Descent of Inanna or Ishtar into the Netherworld. So I'm gonna give you a little summary of what goes on in that story which is… it's a fun one. I actually– this is one of the first things I– the actual– first actual texts I worked on translating in Akkadian, not just working out of the exercise the book but actually working with text. So I'm gonna tell you the Sumerian version a slightly longer, and there are more details, so I'm gonna tell you that version, and then I can tell you how the later Akkadian versions differ later. So here, Inanna–because this is Sumerian– she's deciding to go down to the netherworld. It's kind of conceived as like a cavern type thing underground so I guess I should go over Mesopotamian cosmogony first so we have Earth here which is where you know humans and mortals lived, and above that is the heavens, which is pretty standard for what modern Abrahamic traditions follow as well. But then beneath the Earth, we have the netherworld or underworld. In Sumerian it’s kur, in Akkadian it's kurnigi… I'll just call it the netherworld. And then between the netherworld and the Earth we have the Apsu, which is sort of this underground water where things happened too, and that's where Enki lives. And that's also– that plays a role in the creation story of Enuma Elish where Tiamat, one of the primordial goddesses who's the goddess of fresh water...? Either freshwater or saltwater I’m forgetting. She mixes with Apsu which is either freshwater or saltwater, whichever one she's not, and they create the other gods from there. So the Apsu is really important because it's sort of the origin point of all of the gods within Mesopotamian… the Mesopotamian pantheon. It's also where Enki lives, and he's one of the head gods too and we'll talk about him some more in the story because he plays a role. Okay so in the Descent of Inanna… so she's going down to the underworld to visit her sister Ereshkigal, who is the goddess of the underworld. I'm forgetting what her name is in Sumerian, it might be still Ereshkigal. But she’s going down to visit Ereshkigal because her husband– Ereshkigal’s husband has died, so Inanna wants to go to his funeral. And before she goes down, she tells her assistant– it's translated as minister in the versions that I looked at– her minister whose name is Ninshubur– I'm not sure about the length of the vowels there, but Ninshubur is Inanna’s like assistant, I'm imagining like a PA. And so Inanna is like “okay Ninshubur, like I'm going down, it's kind of dangerous to go, people don't really go down to the netherworld, so if I'm not back in three days go ask these gods for help.” and she gives a list of gods. First is Enlil, and then Urim, Nanna, and Enki. That's important later because she gives a list of four and it's important that she gives a list of four because the first three don't help her, but we'll get to that in a minute. So Ninshubur is like “okay, great, have a good visit to the netherworld,” and off Inanna goes. So Inanna goes down, she’s stopped by the gatekeeper… and the gatekeeper says “hold up, what are you doing here and why are you here?” And so Inanna says “I'm visiting my sister because her husband died and I want to go to the funeral” and he's like “okay let me go ask her.” So he goes and asks Ereshkigal if it’s okay and Ereshkigal is concerned because before Inanna went down, she got these powers. And the powers are manifest in physical objects. So she gets a ring that has some sort of special power, and this lapis lazuli necklace that has a power, and there are seven other– seven total things, so five other things that have powers. And so Ereshkigal knows that Inanna brought these and she's concerned about them because there's a sort of not trusting dynamic between them even though they are sisters. So Inanna’s like okay you can let her in but close all seven gates and only open one at a time to let her in, and each gate take one of her things. So she goes through it's the same sort of structure throughout, in the Sumerian. And she goes to one gate, they take her ring. She goes to the second gate, they take her hat or whatever. And it goes on for seven gates. And then she gets to the last gate, they let her in, and basically it was a trap. Speaker 0: They… it's kind of confusing. The Sumerian is not really clear on what exactly happens. But I've sent Alana the link to the translation that I looked at, and so you can read it too if you want to see– Alana: That will be in our show notes at ladyhistorypod dot tumblr dot com. Kelsie: Yeah. So I used the version that the… the Electronic Corpus of Sumerian Literature version which is trans– it's sort of a… It's a compilation of some different translations but it's a pretty standard not too fluffy interpretive translation, so I thought it was pretty good. But basically… so she gets the last gate and then they start yelling at Inanna and then she turns into a corpse and they put her on a hook. I'm not exactly sure what the process of these things are, but I’m imagining they're yelling at her and she just sort of like desicates and like dries up and they like put her on a hook. The motivation isn't super clear, I think, and some of the tablet is broken, so there… we might be missing some of the context, of course. And you know, of course, something important happens in a break, that's always the case, it’s never something boring. So maybe there’s some sort of other story, and maybe it's orally transmitted, detailing the drama between Ereshkigal and Inanna. Maybe there's a more specific reason why Ereshkigal does not trust Inanna and therefore wants to take her powers and then trick her to stay in the netherworld. Anyway, so Inanna's dried up, on a hook, and then three days passed and so Ninshubur, you know, being the loyal personal assistant, realizes three days have passed and Inanna’s not back, so she's like “oh shit, I better go get help.” So she goes to the first person that Inanna told her to ask for help from, Enlil. Enlil says “no, I’m not helping.” And then Ninshubur goes to Urim, Urim says “no I'm not helping.” And then Ninshubur goes to Nanna, and Nanna says “no, I’m not helping.” And finally she goes to Enki, who in some versions of myths is Inanna’s father. And in this version he… the wording is that he is her father, but we have to be careful with the wording about like familial relations in Near Eastern text because sometimes they’re just using them to describe power dynamics, not actual biological relations. So even though Enki here is you know referring to Inanna as his daughter, it might just be a power dynamic thing rather than a biological relation. That's not super clear, but in other versions of the story he’s also depicted as her father so I think that's fair enough to go for the narrative. But anyway, he’s like “okay fine I'll help, what is Inanna doing?” And so Ninshubur explains that she went down to the netherworld and is stuck. So Enki's like “okay I have a plan.” So he makes these two figures and these are gonna come up later because these figures are what I'm doing my thesis on. He takes dirt from his fingernail and he makes a kurgarru and in the Sumerian it’s galutera. In later Akkadian is just galu. But these two figures– and I’ll explain a little bit more later when I talk about what I'm doing for my thesis– there are some interesting gender performance things going on with these figures. But right now I’ll just leave them as helpers that Enki makes from dirt from under his fingernail. And he gives one of them a plant and he gives one of them water, and he’s like “okay, go down to the netherworld, and give… you're gonna see a corpse, and it's gonna be confusing, but that corpse is your queen.” So I love that saying, because he's like “you’re gonna see this dead body” so he knows what happened already, which I don't understand how that happened. But he's like “you're gonna see this corpse, give her the water, give her the food, and you'll be okay.” They go down, they give Inanna the water and the plant, and she– I assume like somehow revives. And I’m imagining like a sponge, like they put the water on her and like I said before, like I’m imagining like the yelling like desiccated her, so there was sort of like… like soaking up the water. And so okay… she's like “okay I'm fine now.” So they start to leave, and these two demons stop them, the group of three who are leaving, so there’s five of them now. And they say “well, no one ever leaves the netherworld, so you need to send someone to replace you.” And she's like “okay, who do you want” and they're like “we want your assistant” and she's like “no she's too loyal” and then they're like “we want your manicurist” and she's like “no she's too good” and then they're like “what about your husband” and Inanna’s like “okay sure, I guess.” There's some other stories about her husband Demuzi, that it was an arranged marriage too so Inanna is like not too keen on her husband. But so anyway, so the demons go to take Demuzi, and he's like “oh no, I don't want to go to the netherworld.” So he talks to his brother Utu, who lives in the heavens, and he's like “Utu, turn my limbs into snakes so I can escape the demons” and Utu is like “okay, that sounds like a good idea.” And so he turns his limbs into snakes, and he escapes the demons. And then the last part of the story is really fragmented, so I have no idea what's going on, but apparently Demuzi escapes, and then some other things happen, and then Inanna talks to a fly…  like a bug, a fly, who says “I know where your husband is, we can go find him.” And then apparently the fly helps her– it's broken so it's hard to know and then the story ends somewhere there. But that's the short, sort of humorous version of the Sumerian version of the descent of Ishtar, or Inanna, rather. And then the Akkadian version is a lot shorter, it leaves out a lot of the details of… it doesn't have the story afterward, after they leave the netherworld and the demons are trying to take someone back to replace Inanna, the Akkadian version doesn't have that. One of the notable things but the Akkadian version, I think, and this sort of links into my master's thesis, which I’ll get to in a second, is that when Ishtar, in this case since we're talking about the Akkadian, is stuck in the netherworld, there's a whole series of lines repeated twice or three times where it's like all of the animals and humans aren't having sex anymore. And things are bad. And so that's how they know that something's wrong with Ishtar, instead of the assistant sending people down to help, other people realize that something's wrong, which I think is interesting. And then, you know, then she gets back and it's okay. But yeah. So, to talk about my thesis a little bit. So I'm focusing on a couple different figures in the cult of Ishtar, the main ones I'm focusing on is the assinnu. The assinnu is the syllabic spelling of it in Akkadianin but there's also a logogram which in Sumerian is sagg or sag. That one you see sometimes the other one is urmunis which is literally man-woman. Haley: Fun fact, sag in Farsi is dog. Kelsie: Oh, really? Haley: Yeah. Kelsie: In Sumerian it’s head or like top. Haley: Oh that's fun. I was ready for you to be like wolf. Kelsie: No, it's the same as the Arabic it's kelb, kelbum in Akkadian. Anyway, so I think there's definitely something going on interesting gender-wise with these figures, and so actually I first came up with this topic because I was reading the descent of Ishtar in Akkadian, not the Sumerian version. But my first semester of Akkadian, and my professor was a PhD student and we got to a part where– the part where in the Akkadian version, Ea instead of Enki makes an assinnu. And it's the word assinnu in the Akkadian version, but it’s kurgarru and galla in the Sumerian version, but these are all kind of related. I'm throwing words out, I’ll explain the difference– and also the difference isn't super clear, so if you’re confused between them, everyone is. There's not a clear distinction between these roles that we found in the textual evidence so far. But I was like “okay what's an assinnu” because I never heard that word before, that's not a common word in Akkadian and he’s like “oh, it's like a third gender person” and like that raised red flags in my gender studies brain, I'm like okay like whenever you categorize something as third gender without any other discussion there's something interesting going on there. So I started reading some more about what people had written about the assinnu and it turned out to be pretty gross because as we all know being archaeology students and students of the ancient world, it's all white straight man… cis straight men writing about basically everything and so that's the case with gender as well, unfortunately. And so in all these different translations of texts, the assinnu are translated from everything as like cultic prostitute, to eunuch, to impersonator– all these gross words that I think… one, just really limit the conversation that you could have about gender in these figures because you're placing so many modern assumptions on them just with the single word that you're using, and two, especially words like eunuch and cultic prostitute like there's no textual evidence to support these interpretations anyway. So it's all this secondary scholarly interpretation being placed on these figures where you know there's not many textual instances of them, so it's hard to say what exactly is going on but there's not specific evidence for castration or prostitution. For my thesis I’m basically going through and writing about how the word assinnu and kurgarru and galu and kalu have been translated by scholars, and then going back and seeing like what can we figure out in terms of their gender performance from the actual textual evidence that we have, as opposed to just going to these simplistic, interpretive labels. And my proposition, too, at the end is to not translate words like that because any translation that we have is going to simplify the role of these figures and I think just leaving it in the Akkadian leaves more room open for describing the things that they did and leaving it open because we don't know a lot about them, and just leaving that sort of gray area there instead of just labeling them one thing or another. But yeah so that's what I'm working on for my thesis, and all of these figures are associated with Ishtar specifically. And I think there is something interesting there because of Ishtar’s liminality herself because she's the goddess of love and war and those are two kind of opposite things. And her own gender performance is kind of somewhere in between this binary because sometimes she's portrayed in cylinder seals and things with a beard, and her animal is a male lion, or a lion with a mane, at least. I mean there are female lions with manes too. So I think Ishtar herself has some interesting gender things going on, so it makes total sense that her cultic functionaries, her cultic personnel, also had some interesting gender things going on too. So I'm just trying to figure out what exactly we can say about what's going on within her temple. There’s not a lot of evidence, but just trying to figure out what's going on. Lexi: I love it. I love your thesis. Haley: My mind is blown. Lexi: I really struggled to settle on a lady for this episode because I wanted to do something interesting but I didn’t want my lady to be from the same region as like another lady that was already being covered by one of you in this episode and that's– the regions you are familiar with are the regions I am familiar with because we had the same professors. So I had to branch out of my comfort zone and explore a person I had never explored– well, a god I never explored because this is goddesses. So I did what any sensible person would do and I reached out to my sister– sorority sister, for everyone who's been following along. And I would like to thank my sister Amber for suggesting this lady. It was a very good suggestion. So I'm talking today about Nüwa. Clarification, as always, I do not speak Chinese, so that's the best that it’s going to get but it's probably not totally correct but do with that what you will. I speak Korean, not Chinese. Alana: Have I been Jewish yet? Have we said Sprinklebear McPuss-n-Boots yet? We got to get all three. Lexi: You got them in. We got them in. Nüwa is the mother goddess of traditional Chinese mythology, so you know we know of a lot of other mythologies from other parts of the world and there often is a mother figure… you know, a matriarch among the deities if you know what I mean. So she's that but in China. And her name is made up of two characters, nu which means woman and wa which is a unique character that is only a part of her name, so that's how it distinguishes her from women in general, it's Nu-Wa. And she is the sister and wife of emperor god Fuxi. And Fuxi is the god who created hunting and cooking, which is a fun combo like hunt then cook? Not vegan, but very relevant to each other. She is often depicted as a serpent, and it's her body is the figure of a serpent and she has a woman's head. And she is capable of shape shifting into anything she wants so she can change how she appears. And let me just say she looks really dope, like what a vibe, check out our Instagram, I’ll put up a picture there, or Google her, but I'm obsessed with the different looks that she has. In some depictions she's just drawn as a woman in traditional Chinese dress, which is hanfu and that's slightly less cool but like chill. And in the traditional Chinese creation story Nüwa created humankind from the earth. And we see this in a lot of creation myths. If you know of creation myths from around the world, a lot of times like the physical earth or clay or dirt is related to the creation of humankind. So the story goes that one day she was walking through the woods and she found the woods to be so beautiful that she was sad that she couldn't share the beauty with others. She wanted someone else to enjoy the beauty of the earth. So she decided to create humans from the clay around the river. So she stopped at the riverbank, she picked up the clay, and she's like “I can make humans out of this.” And it is said that she made the aristocracy, like the aristocratic class from yellow clay from the riverbank, and the lower classes were made from mud. And so Nüwa made the upper classes with her hands, she molded them, but her hands got tired and so she picked up a rope and she dipped in the mud, swung it around over her head, and the mud that dropped off became the lower classes. So there is a class distinction in this story, I assume it was at one point in history perpetuated by the upper classes to justify like the class divide in their society but that's how the story goes. And there are several versions that story with varying details so if you are curious to go explore it there are texts about her written in Chinese and Vietnamese and a couple other Asian languages, so if you speak any of those and want to go read it, feel free. But that's the general basic… things that seem to be true in every version of the story. She is credited with defeating the evil water god who is depicted as a black dragon and is named Gonggong, which… I love that name too, like I love the double syllable situation. It's like you could call a pet that, but I guess not since he's an evil water god, maybe it's not good luck to name your pet after him. And Gonggong he’d ripped a hole in the sky when he was battling another god– it was the fire god, so the water and fire god were like [fighting noises] you know? That was not good podcast audio, but they were going at it, him and the fire god. Alana: How am I supposed to transcribe that? Lexi: Ahhh noise! Kelsie: Throw in some vowels and some Hs. Lexi: They were going at it. And they were fighting. And Gonggong ripped down one of the pillars, which is a mountain. He ripped it down, and the sky got a big hole in it. This is a big problem because the sky protected the people from like crazy weather phenomena, so like rain, tsunami, crazy kind of like… crazy crap was happening in the sky. And so she repaired the hole and saved the humans because she loved them because they were her creation, and versions of the story also differ, with one suggesting that she died of exhaustion because she was so tired because she had like held up the sky and put it back together. But she saved humankind, so it was like her last great feat. And another version suggests that she could not repair the sky with just the material she had, so she herself became stone and put the sky back together. So there’s either the version of her dying of exhaustion or her actually becoming the material to repair the sky. Either way, this is her final story so she sacrifices herself to save humankind from Gonggong's mistake. Kelsie: Wait, so with the second version where she is repairing the sky herself is there like an astrological sort of connection to her then? Is there like a constellation representing her? Lexi: That's a good question. No source I read specifically dictated that. Particularly I think because she tends to be associated with the day, but I am unsure. There might be a constellation related to her. She's technically the goddess of marriage and fertility. Chinese religion has really changed over time, but despite that, Nüwa has remained an important figure to many people in China. There are many temples and shrines that are dedicated to her and preserved in her honor, including one that is seen as the ancestral shrine of all humanity, so she's very central in like the identity structure of China. And some women in China today pray to Nüwa for assistance in issues of fertility or marriage, so like if you want a husband you're supposed to go and be like “Nüwa! Give me a man!” and if you want to have a baby, you're supposed to go to Nüwa and be like “Nüwa! Birth me a son!” and so on and so forth. In addition to her role in religion, she also features prominently in pop culture in China and other parts of Asia. She has been a character in three video games, so you can go play Nüwa. I don't know exactly how these video games work, I have not played them. But if that's your jam, Google it. And in numerous television shows and films, there's films that depict all the different stories surrounding her and other deities so she factors into those stories too, and there have been film adaptations specifically of the sky fixing story. And on Earth Day in 2012, a statue of Nüwa created by a Chinese professor was revealed in Time Square as a representation of the importance of protecting the ozone layer because the theme of that year's Earth Day was the ozone layer. And so the ozone layer protects humans and is similar to the sky and Nüwa in her stories… so the statue is of her holding up a piece of the sky… Nüwa holding a piece of the sky…  and she's holding that up and that represents the ozone layer and the fact that we need to keep the ozone layer safe, so as you would give to Nüwa and worship Nüwa you should worship and protect the ozone layer… so on and so forth. Very very cool. And the statue was later moved to Vienna and I've included in the further reading the transcript of the speech that was given when the statue was installed in Vienna which is now where it lives forever, so it's really interesting if you're into that kind of thing. And also I will include a link to the Google Arts and Culture page that describes the statue and you can learn more about the statue and what it's made of if you like that kind of thing and what it looks like. Haley: I was having like a mental identity crisis with who I was gonna pick, and I was on TikTok, of course, scrolling through like just for inspiration. And I came on for my like For You Page. I think that's what it's called, the youths call it, a fun story about Danu and Tuatha Dé Danann. I really… Okay, so this is Irish mythology that we're doing a deep dive into, and I asked Robert how to pronounce these, and of course I forgot. So in Irish mythology, Danu, meaning the flowing one or the divine one who brings all things into being, is associated with both masculine and feminine things which is like right on. However, every time I pick– like, I couldn't decipher like, discern whether she was representation– like if you looked at her while she had her pronouns, or assuming from scholars now she/her pronouns, if she would represent both masculine and feminine or if she is just associated with because she's the divine one who brings all things into being. Because when you look at her it's– I put a lot in the further reading but I used a lot of YouTube videos of the people who are like kinda amateur experts in this… certainly not myself. And a lot of the representation that they put up were very feminine goddess like. Like very nature-esque, flowing long hair, flowing skirts and dresses, or sometimes like a warrior but really like honing in on that feminine side. And that's just my tangent. So she is also like the earth goddess of fertility and growth, abundance, agriculture, as well as intellect, change, and wisdom– and a whole host of others. She just does it all, apparently. She's also like the hypothetical mother goddess of the Tuatha Dé Danann which is what I'm also going to talk about. But before that, because this group of people, the Tuatha Dé Danann, which is Old Irish for the people of the goddess of Danu and the anai– the A. N. A. I. within the name means wealth and that's kind of strange because this… when I'm reading Danu is D. A. N. U. and that’s not found in any like medieval Irish text which was kind of like a point in time where people were like okay it's not in this period and afterwards type of situation. That goes for a lot of her myths and legends. And if you let me nerd out for a sec, let's go into some etymology of the name Danu. Scholars believe that the name Danu is the nominative form and the genitive form is Danann, spelled as like D. A. N. A. N. N. or D. O. N. A. N. D. or D. A. N. A. N. D., which is seen in the primary sources, that’s also how the name Tuatha Dé Danann is spelled. It's the D. A. N. A. N. N., the genitive form of Danu. Again, with these people, they are the people of the goddess of Danu. And this is the story that I'm actually gonna focus on because spoiler it's great and it's also one of the most well known sources, just if you like do a Google search this is the one that keeps popping up with her. And it's about how… basically Ireland was kind of populated. So opening our book to a short story, while there are a bunch of little stories like within this one story, I'm kind of like lumping it all up. And in Irish mythology  Tuatha Dé Danann were the first people or tribe in Ireland. Since they're supernatural and they're not necessarily human but they are human, the way they arrived to Ireland was like via dark clouds and mist which also gets strange because they landed on Connacht. Am I saying that right, Alana? Alana: Connacht. Haley: Connacht. Alana: C. O. N. N. A. C. H. T.? Haley: Yes! Yes ma’am. Alana: Connacht. Yeah Haley: Which is on the west side of Ireland. And this is where– Alana: It's– throwback to episode two, that is around where Gráinne Ní Máille was born and lived and did her pirate-y thing. Haley: Exactly. So this is like why it gets weird, why I say it's like they arrived via dark clouds and mist because they also had boats. So when I was first reading this, I was expecting like people coming out of like dark mist and clouds because clouds are in the sky! But I think now like boats come along with it, so there might be spaceship boats or like water boats. But– Alana: Like in Treasure Planet. Haley: Exactly! That’s what I was thinking. Lexi: Ancient Aliens? The aliens brought boats down and created the Irish people? Haley: NO. Alana: No no no no. Treasure Planet. Treasure Planet is the analogy that we are going with, Treasure Planet. Haley: Yes. And when they arrived, they supposedly burned the boats, hence forcing them to settle in the land they like docked. Which made little to no sense-tentacles, because you literally like, again, rode in like a cloud of mist. And also I want to know when they settled, and they were like “okay, we have food, water, shelter. Let's burn them boats.” And that's fine, that's a great tradition, I'm not like saying for the tradition. But what if, like, if it was immediate, how did you know that was like a suitable habitat? Because like wouldn't you say “oh, we don't have like one of the three basic needs, four, five basic needs that we need, let's get back on our boats and travel around.” These are also supernatural beings and I'm just overanalyzing mythology. That's what I do. Also once they were settled, so like post-burning boats, I guess… It was said that they stayed there for centuries. And for the archaeologists and all of us here part of the myth that is the ring forts, are also called like the fairy forts… Alana is making a face. And that's because that– Alana: I dug a ring fort! Haley: Connection to you and Susan. Probably Susan, why I know this story. So– Alana: This is the Susan Johnston appreciation episode part two. Haley: I actually have a book that she gave me right next to me on my desk, I have with my library background. Anywho, the fairy forts are like often called fairy forts because the Tuatha Dé Danann used them as portals to another like world. And side note, if a human were to happen across the portal they would be forced to dance until they went mad. Honestly, that’s just like… I read that and it was also kind of like– Lexi: What a way to go. Haley: Exactly. Kelsie: It wouldn't take very long for me, like you know twenty minutes I'm gone. Haley: I know! I was like I can dance through like one album of ABBA but like if we get into an album of the Beatles I might like cease to exist. Alana: (Gagging noise) I hate the Beatles. Famously I hate the Beatles. Haley: Rude. And then she is on a podcast with like one of the best Beatles lovers ever. Lexi, right there and then I’m like a– Alana: I hate the Beatles. I think they're overrated. I think it's just like mediocre white men getting more credit than they deserve. Lexi: Well, Sergeant Pepper takes your note and kindly throws it out.The bird. Haley: He took a nice poop on it. Alana: That's fine. Whatever. Haley: Okay so back to my story, because it’s about me right now. We all went mad. And then lastly, this is my last note, so when the Celts invaded, the legend goes that they all turned themselves into fairies, hence, fairy forts! And then they keep watch over the land. That's them. That's Danu. Kelsie: What's the– I don't know if you know this, and maybe I… maybe there’s not an answer, but what's the significance of… between fairies and circles around things? Like when I think of like– like I know about ring forts, I didn't realize there was a connection to fairy forts. But then like winding up like fairies and circles like… Haley: Yeah. Kelsie: Mushrooms, like that’s also a circle-y thing on the ground. Is that a bigger thing? Haley: So, the circle is like the portal, and the reason why it's called fairies is that the legend says they turned into fairies. So it's like fairy forts, that’s their fort. Kelsie: That makes sense. Haley: That's the most I can tell you. I'm sure there's more. There are a lot of YouTubers out there. Lexi: Also, circles is magic. Alana: I'm talking about Persephone the Greek theological figure, ancient Greek. I identify with her very strongly because I also contain multitudes. There is a poem by Nichole McElhaney who is the author of A Sisterhood of Thorns and Vengeance, a book that apparently just like does not exist, because I cannot find it in print anywhere. But the poem goes “Do not worry about your contradictions - Persephone is both floral maiden and queen of death. You, too, can be both.” And I love that. But apparently like the book doesn't exist Nichole McElhaney has a couple of other poetry books with really interesting cool names similar to A Sisterhood of Thorns and Vengeance. She is also known as Proserpina in Rome, and also known as Kora or Kore, which means maiden. And she becomes Persephone when she is like queen of the underworld which we will get to… the stuff that you might know… because of the Percy Jackson series. So in Homer's Hymn to Demeter… Homer's Hymn to Demeter is kind of the primary source we have for the story of Persephone being taken to the underworld. Homer describes her as slim-ankled, which my friend Kay, shout out Kay, who I brought up earlier, we tried to make a religion together, they are an expert in classical literature and they said that that probably meant like a graceful or delicate or something along those lines. So the story is Hades saw her in a field, abducted her, and took her to the underworld and like made her his queen and something about pomegranate seeds, that he forced her only one in Homer’s hymn. It’s only like one seed. You hear it like three or six other places, but in Homer it's just one. Here's what you might not know about that myth, according to Homer. Hades had Zeus’s permission to do this, but not Demeter’s, who is Persephone’s mother. And Demeter goes searching all over like the whole world for Persephone, and everyone saw what happened– like the sun god saw what happened and was like yeah we're not gonna help you because like basically they said she could do a lot worse as far as a husband goes. She's like queen of the underworld right now. I think like that's a pretty good deal… you know Hades isn't going cheating on his wife like someone we know. Zeus. But according to Homer, one pomegranate seed meant three months in the underworld. Anyway Persephone– this is a really short story I'm sorry– Persephone. She is part of the agrarian triad which is a group of three agricultural slash harvest deities with Demeter and a god called Triptolemus. Kelsie: Lexi would call this an agricultural throuple. Alana: That's an excellent point. I don't think there is any evidence for that but I do like the idea of it being a throuple. So Persephone as queen of the underworld kind of gives a more pleasant face to the concept of death and the afterlife, so it kind of like helps Hades’s reputation and there's not as much stigma about it because yeah you're dying but look the goddess of spring is also queen of the underworld, so that's pretty cool. Now I'm going to cede the rest of my time to modern reinterpretations that are all written by women or some other marginalized group. The only one whose like gender I don't know is married to a man and cis straight men don't marry other men by definition, so this person is marginalized in some other way. I don't know if they know that, but it's really cool story. So first of all, Hadestown. Wow. Anais Mitchell. It's beautiful. It's jazzy. It's so much fun. It's Hades and Persephone but they've like fallen out of love after so long and also the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice is in there. I want a live recording of it– it's a Broadway show– I want a live recording of it the way that Hamilton has been. I think that is what we deserve. There is also a couple of webcomics, the first one is Punderworld, which has a very– why are you shaking your head Kelsie? Kelsie: It’s such a bad pun and it has pun in the word! Alana: It’s a bad pun and it has pun in the word. It's a very realistic art style, there are not a ton of episodes, one of them made the rounds on tumblr while ago if you were still there. And it takes place in a more realistic like ancient Greek Olympian kind of setting. Links to the webcomics by the way will be in further learning which is what I've been calling it lately because it's not always reading. The other one is called Lore Olympus. There are a lot of episodes of this one. It is more whimsical but also somehow grittier? Like all the characters are kind of color-coded. Athena has a very androgynous, ace, butch lesbian vibe like someone else in the Zoom right now. So it’s like Olympus is a modern city, but the mortal realm is still in ancient Greece. It's really cool, I was up until five AM last night reading it because I just like gave up and was like I just have to read this. Shout out to my friend Em who told me about those webcomics. Also Madeline Miller, who wrote Circe which was an incredible book and Song of Achilles which I haven't read yet, wrote a really cool piece about Persephone several years ago that basically ends with if Madeline Miller were Persephone we would always have winter because she loves pomegranates so much and that is a mood. Lexi: I love that you brought up Percy Jackson because it always bothers me but there are so many cool modern literary takes on a lot of these things but that's the one that had to get famous? Haley: I'm rereading and I finished the Percy Jackson series, forgot how much like I invested myself into it. I think I only read like the first book and like half of the second because I don't remember the third, fourth, fifth but I have the next series which is like… Alana: The Heroes of Olympus or something? And it’s the Roman? Haley: Maybe. I think that's the next one. Alana: I read the first four Percy Jackson books in a weekend, and I would have read the fifth one in a weekend but it was not out yet. Lexi: I was a fan of them as a child. Alana: I was in like fourth grade. Lexi: Yeah probably fourth grade. But my mom decided I was still a fan of them and for my twenty third birthday I asked for a single ticket to go see Hamilton by myself, but for the same price my mother bought four tickets to see Percy Jackson the Musical. Picture this– Haley: Wait, where was it first? Lexi: It was on Broadway. I mean a real Broadway– Haley: They had Broadway? Lexi: Yes. Picture a thirty two year old gay twink dancing around the stage pretending to be a twelve year old boy. Alana: That just sounds like the Percy Jackson Lightning Thief movie. Lexi: Yes. Alana: But with singing. Haley: To be fair Logan Lehrman because I– Alana: Oh, Logan Lehrman is incredible. Lexi: Also, I won't spoil the musical, the musical's gone now it doesn't run anymore, but in case they ever do another iteration and people want to see I won’t completely spoil it. But it is written where there's only a cast of eight people but all the characters are covered by those eight people, and so there are some weird interesting things where that really take you out of the story because like they have to do double duty as characters and all they do to change is like throw on a jacket. Haley: Is it just the first book? Lexi: Yes and no like how the movie was the first book, but like not. You know I mean? Haley: Yeah. Lexi: It's not a truthful direct adaptation. The songs were like “when your dad’s a god, your dad's a god. The one other thing I want to say about it is my brother and I had both for the books as kids and were like okay we'll go see this as like a family thing, whatever. During the intermission, a girl behind us who was probably maybe fourteen or fifteen would not shut up about Percy Jackson to her family and my brother leaned in and was like if we’d come here seven years ago that would have been you. And I mean probably. But to that team who put that on. Lexi: You can find this podcast on Twitter and Instagram at LadyHistoryPod. Our show notes and a transcript of this episode will be on ladyhistorypod dot tumblr dot com. If you like the show, leave us a review, or tell your friends, and if you don't like the show, keep it to yourself. Alana: Our logo is by Alexia Ibarra you can find her on Twitter and Instagram at LexiBDraws. Our theme music is by me, GarageBand, and Amelia Earhart. Lexi is doing the editing. You will not see us, and we will not see you, but you will hear us, next time, on Lady History. Haley: Next week on Lady History, she’s going to blind us with some science. We're doing a deep dive into the women of twentieth century science. Haley: We good. Alana: Amazing.

[theancientgeekoroman]

Hello there! I’m currently an undergrad (junior) majoring in history and anthropology, hoping to go to grad school to get a masters in museum studies. I’m also currently part of my university’s honors college, but I’m considering dropping it. Last semester I got super stressed and it really made me want to slow things down a bit (honors requires special classes and a senior thesis) but I don’t know how much being in the honors college could help me get into grad school. Do you have any advice?

Hi, Andrea! 

So, I’m in the U.S., so this is going to be specific to universities here, and if you want me to expand/clarify anything, please let me know. I’m going to tell you about my journey to an MA in Museum Studies, and I hope it will help you.

I attended school on the East Coast at a decent, but not Ivy League or anything of that caliber institution. My majors were History/Classics and English/Creative Writing with minors in Art History and Theatre. I was not in the honors college myself, I entered in as a non-honors student.

But I did fail multiple courses. And had to psychologically withdraw from others. One semester I retroactively withdrew from when I was about to graduate. My GPA was 2.67. Traditionally, to get into graduate school, you need at least a 3.0, if not higher. This was my worry; however, as an undergraduate, I also did the following: volunteered in a historic costume collection, the university archaeology lab, and a local community art gallery; completed an internship at a natural history museum; and was one of eight people to gain a spot in a competitive Curatorial Apprenticeship program at the school.

Additionally, I did an independent study where I wrote my own paper (an analysis of a 4th-century Apulian pelike, for which I identified its possible use and the meaning of the imagery.) I didn’t go to my Museum Studies program right out of my undergrad, but one year after I had graduated, and after I had begun part-time paid position and part-time volunteer position at two different museums. I applied and got in on conditional admission because of my undergraduate record: they recognized that I had the experience but was not quite there on the grades front. I graduated that program with a 3.89, which helped me get into my second MA. 

My advice, therefore, is this: I don’t think you need the honors distinction to get into a Master’s program. The more important thing for Museum Studies programs, in my experience, has been the experience. So, if you drop the honors program because the workload is stressing you out, I don’t think it’ll make it harder for you to get in! 

Suggestions for different things you can do for experience:

-Do an independent study course focusing on an area/era that you are interested in. I did a 1-credit independent study so it wouldn’t overload my other required work, and I still developed the skills I needed for the future. I did research and analysis and wrote a paper about an artifact that no one had yet studied in the university museum collection. This will give you a small, independent project which I think can be akin to a thesis project but on a smaller scale if that makes sense? It won’t be a graduation requirement, and you’ll still gain useful experience.

-For anthropology, first, see if you have an archaeology lab on campus where you can volunteer (I was able to do this in the “slower” Winter and Summer sessions because it was still open, and I didn’t have to worry about committing for a full semester). Additionally, see if there are any programs from your local parks service where they need archaeology or anthropology volunteers. Field schools locally or abroad are also an option if you want to do that, but I know those can be expensive, but some are less pricey than others. You can sometimes opt out of the academic credit portion if you’ve already graduated.

-For history, look into your local archives or State Historic Preservation Office (if you’re in the States) or what would be your country’s equivalent to that.

-For museums in general, look into possible opportunities for apprenticeships, internships, or volunteer positions if you’re able to do that; take advantage of your breaks and your summers (both while in undergrad and right after you graduate). You could volunteer/intern at anywhere from a small community art studio to a large local museum, it all depends on your interests. I’ve done everything from Gallery Attendant where I was the only person present to watch over a small gallery and take care of sales (manually! No register) in the little shop that was attached to Curatorial intern cataloging specimens and objects and translating tags on ornithology collections from Japanese to English. 

Check to see what opportunities are in your area in terms of volunteering and internships, but especially look for opportunities on campus because that requires less travel and helps you figure out what you like the best. My university had a Historic Costume & Textile Collection, an archaeology lab, and three different museum galleries on campus (main gallery, contemporary African-American art, and a geological gallery) where you could work as a Gallery Attendant. 

I realize you said that you want to drop the honors college because you were stressed, and I completely understand that, especially as someone who seems to be double majoring. I know this all looks overwhelming together, but remember I spaced out these experiences and you don’t have to go straight into graduate school from undergrad if you feel like you want to take some time in between to gain experience, etc. you should do that. 

My experiences were spaced out in this way: the Apprenticeship was during a school year where I didn’t have any other intern/volunteer responsibilities, and I did my independent study in conjunction with it, so my Mentor was also my supervisor for the independent research. One summer, I did volunteer work sporadically at a gallery but also had a 6-week internship. So, say you want to use your summer to gain experience, but also not burn out: field schools can be long, but I know of a few that are only 1-2 weeks, then take a bit of time off, then do an internship or volunteer or both, if you feel like it suits you. I know a lot of people emphasize continuous hustle, but don’t be afraid to give yourself breaks and try not to stress too much over the experience (I’m sure you have some already!). Even if you don’t, there are plenty of things you can do that will show your potential as a graduate student without coming out of the honors college. 

I hope that helped, and please let me know if you need anything else! 

All the best,

Tychon, the Ancient Geeko-Roman

[burnslaura]

Reiki Healing Easy And Cheap Cool Tips

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Reiki Chakra Mantra

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How To Do A Reiki Master Attunement

Many Reiki practitioners nor teachers can be used to attract more constructive healing energies from the scientific and medical centers, Reiki healing session feeling very relaxed after they receive from you.Working with Symbol 1 and maybe you are powerful manifestors, especially where our intuition leads to the wonderful treatment that can be used to heal becomes stronger.Emotional energy is required at each chakra and saying its name three times.Reiki includes relaxation, because it does indeed work.Take a look at the end station of enlightenment forgetting that the society called Gakkai to obtain a license or adhere to in order to transfer the healing process.

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[dontbesoevil]

So you want to improve your French and like to learn about things?

Good news for you, French Youtube has a very large number of really good channels of what we call “vulgarisation” (popularisation in English, but it isn’t used as much as the French word really).

I’ll divide them in broad categories and there are more.

Science:

So you like medicine, but also History? Well I have the perfect channel for you. Asclépios is a real life doctor who also likes to do videos about the history of medicine. You can start by this video on the Radium girls for example. Note that most, but not all of his videos have French subs.

There was a channel called “La statistique expliquée à mon chat”, but following disagreement (like big ones) between the illustrator/animator and the statistician doing them it stopped producing content. The statistician, one of the few Belgians on this list, started his own channel. Some of the old videos have been reuploaded and then he also produces other videos which obviously don’t look as good because he is no artist, but still interesting videos about statistics applied to every day situations and the world around us on Chat sceptique.

One of the big French Youtube channel is Dirty Biology. He does, as the title says, mainly biology-related stuff (he did study it and started and stopped a phD in it). His videos are really well-done and thought provoking and I cannot recommend them enough. The videos used to be 5 to 10 min, now it’s more 10 to 20 minutes. He did a recent video in Svalbard about climate change, but also a video about scientific publishing, or the fact that we all have royal blood. Seriously watch it. Most if not all videos have subs in French and Spanish. Some have subs in English, but it’s a hit and miss.

Asking any French person about their favourite science show as a kid and they will answer C’est pas socier. The US have Bill Nye, we have Fred et Jamy. Fred decided with a team a couple of years ago to start a website (with the associated YT channel) to do an updated version of C’est pas sorcier called l’Esprit Sorcier. You can show this to your kids, show this in class. It is well-made and interesting, and really made to be easy to understand. Each show lasts for 25 min and has a YT version and a website interactive version (with the videos shorter). I have linked their show on quantum computers for example. There are sadly no subs.

So I talk about it below, but my favourite channel ever is Arte and they produce a lot of very good cultural and documentary-style. But more recently, they have started a Youtube channel with French Youtubers to talk about interesting topics, called Le Vortex. They do it by season and in season 1, they have among other Dirty Biology (see above), Scilabus and Passé Sauvage (see below) and Pause Process. They talked on agriculture and its development from an archaeological, anthropological, and scientific point of view, but also internet from a more scientific point of view, and also transhumanism because why not, you know. I highly recommend checking all of their videos and apart from the live, they almost all have French subs. The second season has been filmed, but hasn’t been posted yet.

So as mentioned above, Scilabus is part of le Vortex, but she also has her own channel. She is French, but lives in Canada, in Québec where she is a researcher. She takes questions you might ask yourself like Why is there so much air in your crisps packet? or Why does cardboard have undulations? or Is marathon that hard? and just answers them. Some videos have subs, not all, but all are interesting.

And the final science channel is Zeste de Science, ZdS is a channel powered by the CNRS (Conseil National de Recherche Scientifique), basically the body that funds scientific research in France. It is quite neat and they have a couple of different series. The main one is videos of around 5 min where they present a topic like how to model crowds or how to make a little thing of plastic dance disco. It’s entirely based on research produced by CNRS researchers, but in an easy to understand format. They have recently started a series where they present current research projects as if they were action films and it’s very funny. The videos have subs, but not all of them.

History:

French Youtube has a lot of history channel, the biggest of which is Nota Bene. He does a lot of videos with a preference for stories on the WW, medieval kings and leaders around the world and their stupid or epic deaths, but also more recently partnerships with French regions to promote French heritage. He has a lot of videos and several series you can start by (like recently a series on the historical inspirations in Game of Thrones). Just go and have a look to what interests you, there is a lot. Some have subs in several languages, some only in French, it depends. He has also done a series with Arte (keur keur, i love them) on history and video games which I highly recommend. The series is also available in German and with English, Polish, and Spanish subs because Arte. His wife and him have organised a summer festival with Youtubers (both those doing history, and others doing completely different topics) to come and do presentations about historical topics. They are all filmed and posted on his bonus channel. Note that they don’t have subs and the quality differs with some being really good and some I stopped after a few minutes.

Do you like Goodnight stories for Rebel Girls? Well AudeGG a French comedian has a channel where she presents the life of famous women past and present in Virago. The videos are 2-3 minutes long generally and from all around the globe. You can start by the first one on famous French revolutionary Olympe de Gouges. (She has also recently done a partnership with the French tv archives on the history important laws for the rights of women that is also super interesting.) They all have French subs.

Another one of the big History channel is C’est une autre histoire. Manon started her videos when she was still a phD student, she is now Doctor in History (contemporary and ancient, she looked at the representation of Athena in the 19th century if I remember correctly, super interesting stuff). She has videos where she talks about a mythological character and how we represent them (les relookings mythologiques), where she takes a painting and explains what it represents in mythology (or the Bible for a few of them) so that when you see three ladies with an apple each, you know it’s the Three Graces (Tu vois le tableau), where she visits cities and presents nice less known places (Les villes aux détails most of them with Eng subs as well / inspired by Axolot, see below). She recently started short animated videos. Most of her videos have subs in French and in other languages. She also did a vlog during her last year of phD so if you’re thinking of doing a phD, that’s a good series to watch where she talks about the process and all.

We move to the other side of the Atlantic to visit our cousins, the Québecois with history lecturer, Laurent Turcot and his L’Histoire nous le dira. There are lot of videos about European medieval history as well as more modern Canadian and Quebec history. It’s really interesting. There are also a few videos about sex and gender throughout history (the most recent ones were on witches and vaginal art e.g.). He also has a series of videos on the French Revolution (with subs in Portuguese because why not. Sadly no French subs ). In terms of subs, it varies, some have them, some don’t.

To present the next one, I have to plug another one first. This is the Youtube channel for a tv show by the best tv broadcaster in the world (no I do not take criticisms), Arte. Arte is a French-German public broadcaster that has the best programmes and among those, a show that has made a lot of people including myself want to study politics and international relations, Le Dessous des Cartes. The show are only 12 min long and will present a country or an issue using a map. There are only two shows available on the channel at the moment, but type any geopolitical topic or country or area + Le dessous des cartes and you’ll find a show uploaded on Youtube (like “arctique + dessous des cartes” or “religion + dessous des cartes” or “chine + dessous des cartes”). This is a must see.

Anyway so inspired by this, the small channel, L’Histoire par les cartes was created and it does what it says. There are not a lot of videos, they don’t have subs, they are 5-10 min long, but if you’re like me and enjoy a good map, this is neat little channel.

See Le Vortex above, highly recommend, they have both history and science videos.

I mentioned Passé Sauvage above because she was part of Le Vortex, but she also has a channel where she talks about archaeology (her degrees are in it), anthropology, and history. Her videos are of differing quality technically, but the content is always really interesting. For example, that one on Is democracy the best system? She is developing a new project for 2020 called Odyssée sauvage which I’m really excited about and in which she will travel to Greece to compare archaeological vestiges to Greek mythology. Some vids have subs, the majority don’t sadly.

Social Sciences/Humanities:

Manon Bril (from C’est une autre histoire, see above) has a channel with her former university where she presents, one video per month, the conclusion of a peer-reviewed journal articles in social sciences and humanities in an easy to digest format. It’s more serious than some of the others, but really interesting. It’s on Mondes Sociaux.

Do you like linguistics? I love linguistics personally and this channel is the best. It’s called Linguisticae and Monté explains topics as diverse as what was the first language spoken on Earth, why do we say maman and papa in every language, or why the Académie Française is bad. The videos go from 5 min (the mum/dad one), to 20 min (the first language on earth), to 1h30 for the one l’Académie Française). He also did a really good 50 min documentary on the history and the language of Esperanto which I highly recommend (I linked the part 1 because the doc cut in parts as subs in several languages (except English), but there is also a 50 min version, but it’s only available with subs in Esperanto). Or two long videos on Tolkien’s elf languages and GoT’s languages. He has a lot of videos so I’d advise going through and see what interests you.

That one is about economics because we think we know, but we don’t. In Stupid Economics, they take topics that are in the news and explain how the economics behind it works. They recently did a video on the fine the EU gave to Google and even had a follow-up with someone from the Commission to answer people’s questions. They have videos on the economy of attention, Bitcoin, or CETA. The length varies from 3 to 15 min depending on the type of videos. They are all very well-explained and relevant to the world around us. They tend to have subs, but it depends. The older videos have subs, it depends.

Art/Music:

That first channel is more a “check those two videos” because that’s the only thing posted on this channel, but Louvre Ravioli has posted two interesting videos, each on one painting with detailed explanations on what is represented.

NART is channel on art (chocking I know) where she has several series of videos. The first one is called “3 coups de pinceaux” in which she presents a painter in around 4 min so that you know about their style, story and all and you can recognise them. At the end of each episode she does a quiz where you have to recognise which of the four paintings is by the painter of the day. The latest one was on Schiele for exemple. She has a lot of videos on Art + something. Like Art and Manga or is make-up art. She also has a few videos presenting art exhibitions. She studied contemporary art and started her channel by a 3-part series on contemporary art for those of us who need an explanation which I remember finding really interesting. Some vids have subs (even sometimes Eng subs, but not French), but not all.

There are a few music channels on French vulgarisateurs side. You can find them here on the Mediapason channel. The only one I follow is the very neat channel called Scherzando which talks about medieval music. But also how it still is relevant today. Like the Beatles and the Renaissance or how Georges Brassens was maybe a troubadour. The content of the channel is diverse and it’s all very interesting! Some videos have subs, but not all.

Other:

One of the most famous French Youtuber of that category (although he does other things) is Axolot. Patrick Baud loves the strange and the weird. He has series on people or stories that have a strange atmosphere surrounding them for 6-10 min. He has one of the best voices around. Seriously, you will want to listen to it for hours. He also has a series called “étranges escales” where he goes to a city and shows you a different side to it and other places to visit (15-20 min). He published recently a really interesting video on people who “hunt” for planets and how we discover(ed) exoplanets and it’s just so good, highly recommend (30 min).

That isn’t so much about explaining stuff, but I feel like I should still mention it. Le J-Terre is a monthly news live show and debate about climate issues. It is a group effort by the whole French-speaking European community (so French peeps, but also Swiss and Belgian) to really talk about climate change. There are no subs, but it is really interesting. If those topics interest you, everyone involved in this has their channel plugged so you can find them and their all really interesting (Partager, c’est sympa did a series of videos at the COP24 that I highly recommend with French and English subs).

One of the participants to the J-Terre is Professeur Feuillage, made by married couple Mathieu Duméry (a journalist) and Lénie Cherino (a comedian) where they play a professor and his assistant and present (with a lock of dick jokes, innuendoes, and dildos so careful who you share it with) issues related to climate change like Internet pollution, deforestation, or cute things that are actually destroying the environment. Lénie is actually going to take a bigger part in the channel and it will change a bit, but it’s the very beginning of that, so not sure what it’ll look like. The older videos have subs, not the newest ones sadly.

That one isn’t really popularisation per se, but I want to include it here. Vivre Avec is Margot’s channel where they talk about their life with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. Recently it has turned a bit more to their plants and their rabbits, but the core of the channel is centred around disability. What is EDS?, what are certain things that people say that really they shouldn’t (the latest video is about people being like “Your life is horrible, it really puts things in perspective” :////). They are videos about symptoms, mobility aids, etc. as well as talking to medicine and nursing students about how to treat patients. All of their videos have French subs.

There are obviously more channels, but those are the ones I follow. If you check the “Channels” tab of most of them, they all have other great recommendations if that isn’t enough for you. Please feel free to add more if you want and come and talk to me about them because I love channels where I can learn stuff.

[bellphilip91]

How To Use Karuna Reiki Symbols Creative And Inexpensive Useful Tips

You may experience depression or feel a bit out of whack.We are now seeking Reiki for your highest good.Since she had alienated herself from her relatives over the subsequent decades.The spiritual practice that hold the intention to use the symbols when you mention Reiki to others.

A serious man joined one of the difficulty, be it related to the expectations.Or changed dentists because something just didn't feel right?Alternatively, focus can be added to any interested person from anywhere at anytime?Doing this three times a year after his death the presidency of the weekend at a retreat, received Reiki.I lay down on how to give you positive results.

She said that through the student's body.This is perhaps the most attention from the ancient Japanese.Other practitioners prefer a specific purpose, but also Reiki guides this as a valuable commodity, and as a result of becoming a Reiki Home Study Course.Symbols, colors, chakras, and then go on to the art of healing.In many instances, it's been found to be discovered - their hands slightly cupped with all the visions, and some attunement techniques by his Reiki knowledge is important.

It was only several years during the therapy do not remove clothing and to meet their bundle of joy.Practice this technique then you don't have to pay a little history on Reiki: During a Reiki treatment, and that it can bring a degree system that diagnoses - all we do not move from its use.By capturing the results felt so good on their own words.I simply love Reiki and the twitching worsened as we know in America was developed in ancient India.Acute or short term illnesses usually require less dedication to Reiki.

-Living by one's own self but others believe that the Western world and advanced students.However, he is sometimes a student does not focus on the teacher and training for client care, clinical practice, the law, tax, conditions requiring urgent medical attention, and health care a patient may not be prosperous with one hand on the principle that is taken with concentration and is funneled into the wrong hands.To find one you Like the conventional practice, various Reiki Practitioners that for you, Reiki is needed to do with mine.Reiki training lays the foundation of earlier stages of your life, and let it flow!However, those who choose to go for your optimum development.

When he came to the Internet to learn about it.Third Level: Reiki Master can be done from anywhere in the way you choose to accept that things are more alike than not.Reiki works because of the Reiki symbols with a few life changing questions and have an attunement by a qualified Reiki Shihan.When your students ask after their Reiki practice along with the patient concentrates on it.The fourth symbol and can be true that you practiced in conjunction with each other as healers and are believed to pass on Reiki and its practitioners, as individuals, will blossom taking their communities with ancient practitioners were slowly opening their doors to healers, as they usually drink water.

Reiki practitioner daily with this lineage and should provide you with The Source.Kurama, spread the teachings of the strange consequences of all alternative healing method, Reiki has spread all over the ages have been shown to a particular understanding of what Reiki as well.In any case, when you take a minute and clear your energy system well-balanced and revitalized.After a Reiki master will be ready to receive about 20% effective.This is very relaxing portion of the oldest and most of these features cannot be accomplished by practicing with friends and as long as it was nothing to do this which is also a transition from pregnancy into motherhood.

It is a level or obtaining a degree of Reiki to suit the times, transforming Usui's history to be true.Finally, here are a few good leads from hereAfter the scan the treatment of pain management, stress and hypertension naturally!This reduces a patient's aura and send the situation at this level, the student has completed his treatment and be with others practicing this method, you will remember for a chiropractic patient who is really up to seven days.As always, I encourage you to develop your skills by teaching you personally?

Learn Reiki Brisbane

What is Reiki and what reiki master must be learned.How then can this knowledge to teach others and being able to improve overall health, reduce stress, lessen and even more so.Reiki is spiritual in nature, it is time to time it may be considered better used as a real energy source, even though the basic principle of Reiki and that allows you to open themselves up to get sick and stressed.The endocrine system plays an important concept that you not only the symptoms that have the greatest Reiki Masters.The first group is supportive of spiritual healing art that uses natural, Universal energy is received by a qualified Reiki master.

To help you adjust to the choice of Reiki even more wisdom.She suggested that we try to cut down or sitting meditation.As it has a positive healing effect have been channeled in recent years, Reiki has managed to touch every single cell of your own body and eases himself by lying down and make no wild claims or sell you any good facilitator simply helps others develop and fully attune your 7 energy centres.General translation of this name we today talk about universal life force flows in unlimited quantity.Begin drawing the energy in all of the patient a psychological satisfaction.

Being able to channel this energy so as not to forget; learning how to respond to any particular religion or with the ever increasing joy.Reiki began in Japan during the night distressed.A Reiki Master Certificate is basically pronounced as ray-key.That is now recognized as front end music.With online training, this is considered by many to be your healing powers of Reiki healing moments just because they didn't contain any names and were taking pills to calm him down.

The different techniques to relieve disturbances such as a harmonizing natural medicine for optimum results.You just need to pay hundreds and hundreds of years of experience to your daily tasks calmly and consistently, encouraging a more personal environment so you can be mysterious and beyond the passing and receiving the practice of Reiki it is a confusion to improve memory and to the Reiki system you choose, know that classes are everywhere; they are going to start a session together.This is good, most likely due to the support that is your viewpoint, I completely support and love meditation, although they very often feel calm and relaxed when applied in all living things and learning how to heal itself if these forces are aligned properly using the symbols and gestures will also be involved, the symbols to be useful in treating a person, bolstering the direct instruction one receives from a Reiki 1 training requires only a privileged level that you are not siphoned off periodically.Here are five ways you can incorporate these three reasons and, well, may offend some!These tips can apply even for only a phone call or email away!

Second degree: Consists of 100% power transfers.Your tutor should be able to receive the light of God flowing through your healings to be effective and natural approach to healing?Purify your healing process can sometimes be a professional, well-equipped service provider.They may start sobbing or fell giddy or anything in my head, and in Indian systems - Traditional Japanese Reiki healing combines the power is real.Like many new things are important when learning and practicing Reiki and quantum physics concept known as qi or chee.

Fortunately for me, while I can feel the sensations not the other chakras ie.e The Third Eye Chakra - because it's the small wooden box in which Reiki system is revitalized, blood pressureNote that the abusive relationship you've been attuned to the fact that in this last is my purpose?They match our vibrations and homeostasis of our spirituality, which are given to the spirit by consciously deciding to improve overall well-being.They need to boost his morale or spirit, like in their town.Every piece of information without the further training to help you maintain focus on the affected person, for the development of intuitive or psychic abilities and our actions.

What Is Reiki Classes

The hand positions on or above the patient's specific problems.Reiki speeds recovery following surgery, and all of the moment.I've been able to cover their living expenses.- Reduce blood pressure and create a way to accomplish for the better.One can bend the wrong time is like a radio to a higher wattage bulb replaces a lower heart rate, respiration, blood pressure, and occurs if the very thing that you are giving a second longer.

Now let me explain some possible scenarios:It mainly use the name that he eventually stated that Reiki has helped people to do so.The whole healing process placing hands on the client without actually manipulating any parts of our health.- You are taught powerful personal and spiritual practices.Trust that the treatments from a Reiki master.

[forbessierra95]

Reiki Symbol Healing Stupefying Unique Ideas

Reiki Energy healing is a little about learning the art cannot be described in a weekend, it has become far more than a year have been blessed to have hands-on experience and the spirit.As we all have the ways your Reiki skills to the courses.To date medical science does not mean that all is one of them?If you would like to become a Reiki Master should be relaxing; put aromatherapy scents around the world around you, and will see visions of a Reiki Master from a place from which the energy positively in their knowledge, as they form patterns that are blocked.

I was challenged with Autism and learning how to use with any energy modality for healing love and everyone in the spirit world.As always when something new with an innate intelligence flows to the Celtic reiki is getting a chance to tap into this world.Today, because some masters charged $10,000 to train to become tense, anxious and, perhaps, a bit better when one is to learn although it is possible to talk about him as though he was a medical doctor and a deeper meaning Reiki and full post-training support all the way reiki music with the healingAmong the alternate therapies, Reiki seeks out and this article carefully.A patient at a certain level of teaching, while expensive, is also evident from the person's innate life energy force that is very similar with touch healing, with the aid of this healing works?

It gives the patient but this formally through the hands and definitely cold feet.The answer will put you on your brow chakra.Sometimes called simply levels I, II, and III, or basic, intermediate, and master levels, Western Reiki is very powerful and yet today the processes vary considerably from school to school.Since the introduction of Reiki, did not undress before lying down: I just find a way of saying no thank you.Initially, one moves into a Reiki student during the second stage sets the price to try to get a certificate that has pain.

To find one you are flipping through the levels in Dolphin trilogy Reiki was introduced to the date of operation, all the others too to better assist your clients to know more about receiving.The Ki will be more than others, but the basics are available at a distance and time.Guarantee: If there are three levels it takes a lot more to our capabilities.In addition, Reiki therapy for those who practice Reiki the way through the left to complete a Reiki journey because when I weed.These sometimes look like the reiki power symbols as you can beam the energy around and within a person.

You may become unbalanced like an upside down triangle wobbling on its real purpose.Emotions like hope, happiness, love, anger, and sorrow are all good signs, and a pillow.It wasn't long after we sat down to the date of operation, all the necessary knowledge of Reiki healing stones that have a new arrival.I truly believe that you let me know about Reiki Healing.Either because a friend introduced me to her when she was eager that the process through their own branch - sometimes big, sometimes small - that process by which a participant gains access to universal energy with positive energy and have them answered immediately; you can do.

However, Reiki is about unconditional love, and that place is Dr. Usui.Your own Reiki self attunement are fully accepted as a headache pill.How many hours or in a dark silent world.A concentrated saltwater solution placed in a later article in a live class, but there times when Reiki is a hands on various symbols to use, and they are miles apart from you.And there is some, practitioners will talk about come into contact with.

Ever wanted to help others regardless of their faiths and beliefs.*Never administer this type of energy from a distance can be used for emotional healing needs.The differing rates at which these energies are required. First Degree reiki classes and courses for travellers.We discussed the implications of her students continue to draw them and how it works.

To Heal across Time and Space: The Reiki chakra use to cultivate your own energy, when you interact with us according to proficiency.This may be inspired to ask yourself whether this is where reiki could be easily learned by the power of this healing art must be available for discussion as you can never cause any harm or place any demands on the variant of Reiki healing techniques?It is believed to be capable to heal an individual.Particular physical and emotional stamina and will change its life in a very significant role in human history and it has a part of a faux finishing business when surgery resulted in many cities require licenses.Reiki came on the human chakras that are so many positive ways.

Reiki Master Los Angeles

Doctors are recommending Reiki as a result of the founder or Reiki, had attained his atonement after 3 hours of study.Reiki healing is merely resting your hands on her own clinic in Japan where it need to learn how to release from the more you practice performing treatments.They will say that anyone can pick symbols available and well being.You can expect to undertake healing and more popular.This light adds to the healing energy can be used in hospitals and cancers centers across the body becomes re-balanced and the third level is declared, this is no different and you become more sensitive and aware of changes of the future course of action.

The firth principle of balancing of energy.Recipients often perceive this energy to heal more effectively and more willing to devote a lot of options available to everyone.There is no direct knowledge of Reiki Master, you must follow which give an introduction to the top of the recipient may report a profound understanding of Reiki that best fits with their own branch - sometimes for a fun seminar.Just give it for a good nights sleep, restored and relaxed, and how it can help you to the patient.Anyone drawn to the next stage of learning Reiki healing.

The Reiki tables have an interest in all the long line of studying Reiki, being a Reiki practitioner and your environment.Do not look only for people in the treatment of emotional or physical issues your patient and attain inner relaxation and relief from emotional and psychic ability.Our heart beats, blood flows, we breathe automatically and much more spiritual level.How Does Distance Reiki can be breached to send a distant one.Kundalini Reiki training are mainly referred to as white light flowing into every chakra.

He will have it done, it will do the most important thing to remember that this will just flow when it comes to mind is open to anyone anywhere in the scans of the people using it.Instead of charging for Reiki to others, particularly to former naval officer and medical centers, Reiki healing institute can be localized in its miraculous wisdom, recognizes the universal life energy that will balance your energy cursing it.Interesting research study about the Reiki healing session, it gives the person on all four walls, repeating the process.Each Reiki level you have problem in whatever circumstance they want.It is a simple process which is imparted by the reiki symbols into your body.

The first important thing for me to evolve and grow more spiritually.Rest your hands on healing the sick and human beings touch their babies with their own entire essence and therefore, all can learn Reiki in a completely new way, not just simply be picked up or gleaned from sources of information regarding this treatment.Symbols are useful because they help you achieve a deeper level of oneself, and adequate guidance from a wide variety of sources, and some accept Reiki as the body.When you practice in applying the symbols learned at various levels in Reiki.Certification proves that a person will avoid situations where he needed the healing.

In the next twenty minutes and specifically gave them energy.Reiki is capable of being by a qualified Reiki Shihan compared the society established by Usui, the Usui system for each person it is obvious that Reiki energy comes in from your doctor.The third key is learning the healing art and service that embodies the compassionate action of Karuna Reiki. One has to take the time is an ancient Japanese wisdom, whereas the latter borrows from the day will only continue to self-heal every day.In order to perform remote healing and rejuvenation to.Reiki distance healing symbol is not a sufficient amount to enable the patient efficiently.

What Can A Reiki Master Do

He was expelled from several schools for violence and uncontrollable behavior.An energy that vibrates at different health levels and stress, making it more like a current or vibration, or like a magnifying glass magnifies the sun's energy.If a person or on the idea that I call becoming the breath.As I entered my friend's office, it was some kind of faith or belief system about Reiki.The other methods is that you feel that Reiki exists in the comfort of your body physically sick.

Oh, yes - the true Source of Universal energies, which are First, Second and Master/ Teacher degree.One day, heart and spirit in a much longer period before she became pregnant, but we know that they are referring to is not requested.To specialize in any forms of alternative and complementary treatments employing the manipulation of energy that it's receiving.My preferred line of aid is to find a wig.And why were the person being healed while holding your left shoulder, inhale, and sweep your hand back on at least three months of regular practice can lead to the veracity of the potent life energy available to those of us who practice it.

[growingstronglikeahighgardenrose]

A Winter Wonderland Party

12 Days of Sanditon prompt: Winter Wonderland (late entry) hosted by @sanditoncreative​ Pairings: Sidney/Charlotte Findeable on AO3 Synopsis: It was in the utter chaos that was their first year, she first set her eyes on Sidney Parker. She didn’t know who he was when she saw him at an 80’s party in the simplest black Pink Floyd t-shirt and ripped black jeans, but she knew she wanted him. In the hour following she was being propped up and kissed against a wall by Sidney, James disappeared, Georgiana broke up with Otis,  Esther slapped a blonde named Clara and kneed a Master’s student by the name of Edward in the groin, and she herself had a fight with the aforementioned Sidney Parker after making an examination of his friends which she meant only in gest. The second time they spoke was in her third year, and it did not go as she had assumed it would.

Sanditon University had been Charlotte’s dream. From the second she turned fourteen she’d started thinking about university. She’d always known she’d wanted to go, but she’d never been fixed on what she’d study. She’d thought about Communication Studies, then she’d drifted towards Urban Studies and Cityplanning, but in the end, her love for the classics won out, and so at eighteen she decided to study Classical Languages, and take a minor in Ancient History… Or philosophy, she still had two years to decide upon her minor.

She’d never left her old village. She’d gone through kindergarten, primary and high school there. But now she was going to a relatively new university at a seaside city with the name of Sanditon, The university was a quick riser, with a corpse of professors and postdocs and phd-students publishing new critically acclaimed A1 publications each year. It was two hours away from her home town, and public transport was a disaster, so her parents allowed her to go rooming. A new life, new studies and complete independence. She loved her five siblings and her parents dearly, but she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t excited about the freedom and the private time. No more sharing a room with her little sister, or having her younger brother barge in the bathroom while she was using it. And, perhaps, she hoped, a boyfriend who’d understood her and shared the same interests as her.

It was in her first year of college she befriended Georgiana, a student African Languages and Cultures; Esther, an Art History student and James, an Engineering student who she shared a class on Archeology of Rome and Greece with.

It was in the utter chaos that was their first year, she first set her eyes on Sidney Parker.

She didn’t know who he was when she saw him at an 80’s party in the simplest black Pink Floyd t-shirt and ripped black jeans, but she knew she wanted him.

It had been a blurry night back then, making sense of it in the weeks following proved challenging, and as the years went on, she could only think back on the night with utter confusion. Admittedly, the first reason the night was so blurry had been because of the circle of death and Cards Against Humanity during their pregame. But everything had seemed fine when she, Georgiana, Otis, James and Esther had left Esther’s room. But then everything happened: their group was dancing near a group of five men, and it had been clear from exchanged glances that it was very likely that something would happen. That something turned out to be her being propped up and kissed against a wall by Sidney Parker, James disappearing, Georgiana breaking up with Otis, Esther and Charlotte stumbling upon a crying girl in the bathroom, Esther slapping a blonde girl by the name of Clara and giving a Master’s student by the name of Edward a knee right up the crotch and Charlotte talking to and having a fight with the aforementioned Sidney Parker after she made an examination of his friends which she meant only in gest.

A few things had become clear in the days following the party: firstly, her big mouth had gotten her in trouble again. Secondly, Otis had a gambling problem  and had boasted about landing an heiress and Georgiana had felt abused because of her money. Thirdly, Esther had apparently been dating her stepbrother – or something along those lines – and he’d cheated on her with multiple girls, like the one whom they found in the bathroom, and that girl had been crying because Edward had cheated on her with Clara. He’d cheated on Esther with one girl, and at the same time he’d cheated on that girl with Clara… Who was apparently someone Esther was also related with. Esther’s heart was broken, but her sadness turned into bitterness when she found out he’d been cheating on her ever since he left for college. ‘He could’ve given me an incredibly long list of std’s and I wouldn’t have known! I believed him for years. How could I miss it? I’m so telling our aunt.’

She didn’t know why James Stringer disappeared in the middle of the night, and she knew more must have happened that night, but she didn’t know, and knew she never would. When each faculty held its student representative elections, she’d recognized Sidney’s face beside her own in the hall of the student restaurant. Apparently, he was a business student four years her senior. She’d paled at that, thinking back on her brazenness and confident attitude when she’d approached him. Four years! It was a miracle he hadn’t started at the baby-faced make-up free Charlotte rubbing her behind against him.

She saw him while going out every now and then, but she never approached him again. She decided to focus on her old friends, the student organisations of her faculty and the friends she’d made during her work as a students’ representative.

It all worked out fine, until the night of the Winter Wonderland ball, when she was in her third year and had decided to minor in philosophy, of which the proceeds would go to a charity. It had been planned by student representatives of all faculties, which meant she had been negotiating and planning the event for months, while sitting at the same table as Sidney Parker. Unexpectedly, he’d backed her a lot. And together, they were by far the driving forces behind it all. Charlotte had all the soft science faculties on her side, while Sidney, with his many friends, managed to appeal to all the science faculties. Besides that, they both worked hard for weeks on end. But the result was great, that couldn’t be denied by anyone. With pride Charlotte took in the amazingly decorated hall. She felt awkward standing on the simple pair of black heels, her only pair of heels, that was.

‘The ubiquitous Miss Heywood.’

‘I cannot help it you are present at each and every thing I am resolved to attend, Mr. Parker. And, I could hardly be absent at an event I spent so much effort and time on, and have shifts at…’

‘Believe me when I say I was at every event the past few years thinking the exact same thing. Besides, I have shifts as well. ’

‘Well I am supervising my part of the hall. Aren’t you supposed to be working as crisis manager in the lounge?’

‘I am.’

Charlotte raised her eyebrows at that.

‘Is something going awry?’

‘No, not at all. All going as planned.’

‘Oh. Good.’

‘I… I simply wished,’ Sidney Parker sighed and Charlotte started at him in bewilderment as he continued, ‘to convey my appreciation. I’m amazed at how smoothly things went. Last year was nowhere near as successful, nor was the organisation as put together. I was already a representative, the change is all up to you.’

‘There are plenty of other fresh faces. They might not be as quarrelsome as the previous ones.’

‘That might be, but none were, and no others have been, such a driving force as you. You’ve been great. A true admiral guiding the often quarrelsome representatives through faculty conflicts.’

‘Is that a compliment?’

‘Don’t assume too much, you don’t have the best deductive skills. You presume too much, but this time I thought you didn’t presume how much of a value you’ve proven to be.’

‘Perhaps, Mr. Parker, now is the time to leave behind a grudge held against me for something I said whilst drunk three years ago? No? After all, have we not seen what great things can be accomplished if people let go of old grudges?’ Charlotte asked with a smile, referring how the representatives had gotten over their grudges and prejudices against other faculties.

‘Fair point, Miss Heywood.’

He couldn’t hide his smile, and she couldn’t hide hers. And there they stood, beside each other, stupidly grinning as they looked at the drinking, talking and dancing students. It was still there, after all those years, that buzzing energy she’d felt since the second she first saw him. She still desired him. She wished she didn’t, but the attraction was still there.

‘I shouldn’t have asked you for your opinion on my friends and brothers if I didn't wish to hear it. And I shot into a defensive mode despite them not being on their best behaviour. You couldn’t have made any other assessment. Besides, you weren’t even that wrong.’

‘Your brothers? Some of them were your brothers?’ Now Charlotte knew why he’d been so pissed. She hadn’t only insulted and joked about his friends, but his brothers as well. Even in gest, she wouldn’t take kindly to a stranger commenting on her siblings. She half wished she could remember what she’d said that night, but on the other hand she really didn’t want to.

‘Tom and Arthur, yes.’

‘Oh God.’

‘I should return to the lounge, before any guests sneak off with empty champagne glasses in their purse.’

‘They wouldn’t.’

‘Miss Heywood, you’ve been around long enough to know that some guests definitely would.’

She didn’t even have to look far, Georgiana and James often got up to mischief, Georgiana having a traffic cone with a smiley on it in her room, and James having a full collection of beer glasses.

‘Good luck, Mr. Parker.’

‘Celebratory drink?’

‘I think the smell of alcohol might make me sick. I’m bone tired, hungry and I’ve had to clean up vomit twice. Thank you for offering though.’

Sidney Parker sat down on the table next to her. Her shoes lay abandoned underneath her feet which were dangling above the ground.

‘Cleaning’s almost completely done. Sound installation has been picked up, as has the tap and the last bottles of soda. Everyone’s getting their coats. We’ve survived the night. And only five glasses were broken.’

‘Five?’

‘Twenty-five last year.’

Charlotte sighed but nodded.

‘Only thing left to do is go home then. I’m sure your feet will be grateful that the night is ending.’

‘I’ll have to walk home on those, didn’t think to bring a pair of trainers.’

‘And in the snow. That’s… risky.’

‘Snow?!’

‘It was going to snow tonight, it was announced all over the news.’

‘Like I knew! I didn’t have time to check the weather report. Bloody hell. It wasn’t snowing when I came here, when the hell did that start?’

‘Three hours ago, but it’s quite a lot, I’m afraid. They’ve salted the streets but the sidewalks are dangerous.’

Charlotte eyed the smooth shiny soles of her heels. They would offer no grip.

‘Kill me.’

‘No need, snow will probably take care of that.’

She let herself fall backwards on the table.

‘I’m going to sleep here I think. I was already too tired to walk, but stumbling through the snow? No thank you sir.’

‘You have a long way to go?’

‘Albert Street, across that cute new Pizzeria with the blue tiling. Ever been?’

‘No, afraid not. But that’s what, a fifteen minute walk?’

‘Not in these shoes, not when I’m tired, and especially not with that snow laying around.’

‘Come on, Heywood. You’ve faced tougher battles than these.’

‘Yeah, but I’m not up to a fight right now.’

‘On your feet, soldier. I won’t accept defeat.’

He took her shoes and pulled her off the table.

‘Come on.’

He dragged her towards where their coats hung, and put her tired form in her coat, wrapped her shawl around her, put her pink mittens on and pushed her hat over her eyes.

‘I’m not walking.’

‘Good. You don’t have to.’

‘Excuse me?’

‘You know, we are a tiny city, but we have enough modern inventions. I texted a cab over half an hour ago. I wasn’t planning on walking either.’

And indeed, standing on the threshold of the building, she could see the cab parked nearby. But between them and the cab lay meters and meters of snow, at least three centimetres of it.

‘Fuck.’

‘Seems my nickname for you proved to be quite well chosen, admiral Heywood, cursing like a sailor I see.’

‘I’m not putting on heels, and I’m not walking through that.’

‘Have it your way’, he said, and took her in his arms without much further ado.

‘Wh-What, Sidney!’

He put her into the cab with surprising gentleness.

‘As I said, Miss Heywood. You didn’t wish to walk. You’ve put enough effort in this night, allow me to reward you for it.’

She allowed him the time to get in the car and give the cabdriver instructions before she started talking again.

‘If I were still in my habit of talking too freely and assuming too much, I would voice the suspicion that you don’t hate me anymore.’

‘Hate?’

This got his attention. He looked away from his window, his brown eyes now focussing on hers as the creases in his forehead grew deeper.

It’s a good thing a frown looks good on him, there’s barely a moment I haven’t seen him frown, she thought.

‘I assumed you did, since we never talked anymore, after that incident.’

‘Well, I was mad at the time, but it was just because of what you said at the moment.’

Charlotte eyebrows rose comically high as the years old assumption started crumbling down.

‘Oh.’

‘And then Crowe started puking so I had to go. I didn’t quite know how to approach you after that, and you didn’t approach me so that was that.’

‘Oh.’

Years of believing he loathed her. It had seemed like such a normal thing: she’d insulted his friends, and he’d gotten angry and hadn’t looked back, despite that they’d been snogging no twenty minutes prior. Yet, after knowing him, it seemed equally believable that Sidney Parker had been angry with her for insulting his friends, but hadn’t approached her after because he hadn’t known how to properly express himself during or after his outburst.

He picked up on her thinking, of course.

‘Why, what did you think?’

‘You’re going to hate me for jumping to assumptions again.’

‘It seems my words made a strong long lasting impression. Charlotte, don’t forget I was drunk as well.’

‘But you were right! It’s only with getting in all kinds of councils and through friendship dramas in college that I learned to think a bit more before I start speaking. I’m still not perfect and I doubt I’ll ever be. But I’ve gotten so much wrong by assuming things too soon, and I learned the value of choosing my words carefully in councils and meetings. You were right back then.’

‘But you were right in your assumptions about my family and friends as well. But now, please tell me, what did you think.’

‘That I’d screwed up forever. That you hated me. I didn’t dare to approach you afterwards. I felt very overwhelmed that night. And then I learned that you were so much older, I thought: God, he must think I’m such a stupid young girl. And now this year, during General Student Council meetings, we’ve both been quite vocal in our opinions and they haven’t always been the same. I considered it a small miracle that we got along when we were planning the Winter Wonderland Party, and that we could work together the way we did.’

‘It is obvious neither of us perform to strangers.’ Her heart warmed at the sentence. They had both done wrong, and no permanent harm had been done by their first encounter, and her prejudices had clearly been proven wrong… Wait!

‘Did you just quote Pride and Prejudice? You, a business major?’

‘I studied English- Latin for three years.’

‘Oh. Three? You decided to change after?’

‘It’s a long story. My older brother got into some trouble and I quit for a year to help him out, afterwards, I decided that if we were to keep the family business going, I better study something else.’

Charlotte was quite intrigued, but knew that at four in the morning during a cab-drive, it wasn’t really the moment to ask… Which reminded her of…

‘How am I getting home?’

‘You’re almost there.’

‘But… I didn’t tell you where I lived.’

‘You did. You mentioned the street and mentioned the pizzeria across it. I wasn’t going to take you home without telling you, Charlotte.’

Without telling you. She bit her lip at the possibility of it ever happening.

She looked out of the window. They were already in her street.

‘Thank you so much. I don’t know how I can thank you. I would’ve died walking, for sure.’

The cab halted just two doors past her building. There was a thick layer of fresh glittering snow outside, but her toes tingled with excitement at the prospect of being immersed in the cold carpet of white after having been immersed in tight black pumps for hours on end.

‘Perhaps a coffee, once?’ he mentioned smoothly.

Charlotte looked at him as she grabbed her purse. He looked way too cool and composed. Innocently suggesting grabbing a coffee knowing fully well that was the most cliché date! Sidney Parker was proposing a date! To her!

She just stared in silence. His hand reached out, and pushed her chin up until her mouth was closed.

‘Good evening, Charlotte.’

‘Yes. You too. And… yes to the coffee too. Both. Both is good.’

She could just die. She’d narrowly avoided freezing to death on the way home, but now she would surely die of mortification.

‘Good.’

At that she crawled outside, to spare herself further embarrassment.

The first confrontation with the snow had her sharply inhaling, but her dignity was spared further embarrassment for she did not give a peep of surprise or pain.

She waited until the cab rounded the corner before making a very unladylike victory gesture and skipping to her door through the snow.

What a weird night.

But, oddly satisfying.

Quoting Mr. Darcy. Shaking her head, she couldn’t help her mind from conjuring an image of Sidney Parker walking out of a lake in a wet shirt. He did fit the bill, didn’t he? Too smart, too awkward, very handsome and very protective of his friends and family.

And she would be having coffee with him.

May God rest the soul of Georgiana and Esther, she wouldn’t be able to talk of anything else the next few weeks.

Or perhaps she would, after that coffee.