#And there's all this fucking hurt but also this weird peace of 'oh. I wasn't everything wrong.'

[yagirlwrites]

(Not) My Baby (5)

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Reader

Synopsis: Y/N is having girls night with her roomates when an odd call comes in. Rafe and Y/N meet up to discuss the wedding plans. Drama ensues.

A/N: Hiii! It's been a while, I know! Yet again, I apologize for the long wait. Hopefully this longer chapter makes up a little for how late it is 😅 I hope you all enjoy it! This one is funny and silly, with lots of girly dynamics, but also Rafe and the drama that always comes when they're together 🤭 There might be some sexual tension in this one but our girl loves to stay delulu 🤷🏻‍♀️

Series Masterlist

My work is my own; it's not to be copied, transferred or translated. Reblogs, comments & feedback are always welcome and appreciated❤️

Happy reading! 🥰

(Not) My Baby (Part 5)

She was putting the finishing touches on dinner when her phone buzzed on the counter with an incoming message. The salmon and veggies were still sizzling in the pan, the aroma of a freshly cooked meal making her insides flutter with both hunger and gratitude.

After the past several days, she was glad to finally be back to normal. At least, as normal as it gets under these strange circumstances she found herself in; because of a selfish, conniving, bit- No! No thinking about him tonight. Tonight is for the girlies.

Y/N, Stella and Lena all found themselves having a family dinner after quite a while. Deciding to put each other first and spend a peaceful evening together - complete with a cheesy horror movie and delicious food. Tonight was going to be fun and she wasn't going to let thoughts of him ruin that for even a moment.

A moan could be heard from the direction of the couch where Stella was impatiently waiting for food to be ready. She had been going on about how 'hangry' she had been all day and how much she missed Y/N's cooking. Even though Stella was a decent cook, and Lena could technically fry an egg, it was a known fact in their household that Y/N made "food for the soul". That's exactly what all three of them needed, all of them buzzing with excitement. Even Lena had turned her phone on silent and vowed not to text Kelce the whole evening, wanting to focus on her best friends she felt she had been neglecting.

"Hurry up, please!" Stella's whining made Lena roll her eyes and smack her shoulder causing the girl to pout in mock hurt. "I am an injured woman!"

Y/N laughed as she walked into the living room holding onto the food tray, thinking about how much she missed when all three of them were together like this.

"You'll live." Lena replied without missing a beat, plopping herself down on the chair next to the couch, while the chef presented them with their dinner. Stella's eyes lit up like a Christmas tree and even Lena couldn't stop a smile from breaking through.

"Oh this smells so fucking good, Peach! Come to mama!" She practically jumped to fill up her plate, completely ignoring the other two who smirked at each other, knowing how she gets when she's hungry.

Lena had chosen a movie for them to watch while they eat and decompress. It was some old horror with bad practical effects, demons and gore - perfect for the occasion. They spent the first 20 minutes of the film just enjoying their food in peace while trying to catch up to the plot. Even though the movie was silly it was still spooky and they loved that. Once the food was finished, Stella cleared their plates and brought back ice cream for them to share. The movie was getting real weird and scary when buzzing broke through the intense atmosphere they were in. Stella gasped, dramatically; Lena spared a glance in the direction of the glowing phone and shot Y/N a glare for the interruption. She realized someone was calling her.

"Who the fuck calls?" She mumbled, begrudgingly getting up from her comfy position on the couch to grab the phone and end the annoying buzzing. There are only three people who ever called her, albeit rarely, and two of them were in the room with her. The third one being her mother and she never called this late.

Looking at the screen, her eyes widened and a panicked "what the fuck" left her mouth. The girls both looked her way in confusion, seeing her staring at her phone.

"What?" Stella whispered, as if talking any louder would disturb the fictional characters on the screen.

"Guys..." Y/N slowly turned her phone to face the girls and they both gasped in unison.

"What the fuck?!" Lena jumped from her chair and took her phone from her hands as if it were a trick of the eye and the words on the screen would change once in her posession. But the caller ID hadn't changed...it still clearly said "Devil's Spawn".

The movie forgotten, the silence was now filled with only the incessant buzzing. Whoever it was was not letting the call drop.

"Answer it." Lena spoke causing Stella to jump from the couch.

"Are you insane! No, do not answer that! That is horror movie 101 right there!"

"This isn't a horror movie, this is real life , Stel." Lena responded, exasperatedly. Y/N gulped, Lena's words ringing true.

"...Hello?" Her voice still nearly trembled with trepidation, but she managed to keep it steady. If this was some psycho demon she was not showing any weakness.

"Finally!" A breath of relief left her, and she closed her eyes trying to calm her racing heart.

"Why the fuck are you calling me?" Her voice now taking on a note of clear annoyance, hinting to the girls who might be on the other end of the line.

"Well, hello to you too, Y/N/N." She could just feel Rafe's eyes rolling through the phone. She was not amused.

"Why are you calling, boomer?" He scoffed out a laugh at that one.

"Well if you answered your texts I wouldn't have to call like some boomer, would I?" She rolled her eyes this time, looking down at her phone to see she had several unread text notifications.

"What's so urgent it couldn't wait until morning, then?" She wanted this conversation to be over and for him to stop constantly ruining her fun.

"I need your measurements." "What?" She was dumbfounded at his random request.

"For the dress? My stepmom's been on my ass about getting her your measurements for weeks so if you could-"

"Oh, you mean while I have been blissfully unaware of your schemes? Good times." She sighed wistfully and he had to take a deep breath to calm down.

"Yes. Could you just send me your measurements so I can give them to her, please?" He sounded mildly desparate and quite irritated and she would be lying if she said she didn't enjoy that.

"Hmmm... fine. But only so I can end this conversation sooner." He sighed on the other line.

"Great, whatever." She scoffed at his attitude.

"You're such a brat." She couldn't see it but his eyebrows rose at her remark, a disbelieving smile on his face.

"A brat? That's a new one." She rolled her eyes once again at his attempt to keep the conversation going after she made it clear she wanted it to end.

"Yep, that's you. Bye, now! Don't call me again." She hung up the phone before he had the chance to respond and she smiled in satisfaction at her small victory. Lena and Stella were both staring at her, the former unimpressed and the latter barely holding in a laugh.

"What?" Y/N shrugged in confusion.

"Devil's Spawn?" Lena posed the question and Stella finally burst into laughter.

"Okay, yeah. So I might have saved his number under that name... And then forgot I did it." Y/N gave them both a sheepish smile, hoping they let it go and that they could forget the past 5 minutes ever happened.

"And in my defence, you were also freaked out for a minute!" Lena scoffed, faux offended, while Stella nodded somberly.

"It was the movie. It made us paranoid." Stella whispered again and the other two girls agreed.

"Sooo... Keep watching?" "Fuck yes!" "Lets do it." The trio agreed and made themselves comfortable in their assigned seats again, resuming the film. Y/N couldn't help but check her phone to see the texts he had sent her before that awkward phonecall.

Devil's Spawn: hey sry 2 bother u at girls night but could u send me ur measurements?

Devil's Spawn: my stepmom needs them

Devil's Spawn: for ur dress n stuff

Devil's Spawn: btw she made reservations at the Modiste 4 Tuesday so u can try some stuff out

Devil's Spawn: pls lmk the measurements asap

She read through his texts with a raised brow. How did he know they were having girls night? Kelce must have told him, she guessed. The Modiste? What was this, Bridgerton? A scoff escaped her, met by shushing from Stella by her side. Her friends were once again deeply engulfed in the film playing on their TV screen. Y/N, however, was distracted.

She couldn't stop thinking over everything that had happened recently. Thinking about Rafe, or the 'Devil's Spawn' as she had aptly named him. She had forgotten all about the little nickname she dubbed him with in her phone, right until she picked up and heard his voice. Then it came back to her - the group chat Lena had created to keep them all in the loop over a trip they had planned, her tipsy and giggling to herself while she saved his contact at how funny and clever she was. Truth is she never expected to use it, she just wanted to spite him, even if it was petty and just for her own amusement. But that was so long ago now, and the little rebellion completely escaped her memory. Which is why she had given into the horror induced paranoia tonight. It was funny though, even funnier since it was all three of them who fell for the spooky caller. She looked over at her friends, smiling. She had missed this so much. She finally let herself sink back into the couch and tried watching the rest of the movie but she soon dozed off from exhaustion.

The next day she woke up groggy and confused. She realized she was still on the couch, but this time alone and covered by a blanket. The girls took care to make her comfy before going to their respective beds. She took a deep breath, looking at the time on her phone seeing it was just past 7, wondering if she should just move to her bedroom and go back to sleep when a text came through.

Devil's Spawn: can u send me those measurements??

She rolled her eyes at his insistence and lack of patience. It's not like she had the numbers lying around. She needed to measure herself first. That would prove a challenge since she didn't have a tape measure. She pondered on whether Stella might have one when Lena made her way into the living area.

"Oh, you're up?" Lena had been an early bird for as long as she knew her. Stella was the opposite, she could sleep forever. Y/N was somewhere in between, not quite a morning person like Lena, but definitely not comfortable staying in bed until the afternoon.

"Yeah. Morning." Y/N rubbed her tired eyes giving her friend a sleepy smile.

"Good morning." Lena smirked and went to the kitchen to start on her coffee.

"Hey, do you have a tape measure?" She asked in hopes she wouldn't have to wake up Stella and risk losing a limb.

"A tape measure? Why?" Lena's confusion echoed from the kitchen area and Y/N slowly got on unsteady feet to patter closer to her.

"Just need to take my measurements." She sighed, smelling the coffee Lena was brewing.

"Why?" Lena repeated the question and she knew she wouldn't let it go, she was stubborn like that.

"Rafe needs them." Lena gave her a knowing look. Knowing of what she was unsure. He was such a pain in her ass.

"Why does Rafe need your measurements?" Lena posed the question as she pulled out two mugs and started filling them with the precious liquid.

"I don't know. Something about his stepmom and the wedding. Do you have one or not?" Y/N grabbed the oat milk from the fridge and handed it to Lena who thanked her with a smile.

"Not." Lena poured herself a bit of milk and Y/N a generous amount. The girl was looking at her friend with a deadpan expression after her answer.

"Stel does, though." Y/N groaned, realizing she'd have to sneak into her best friend's room because of Rafe. Ruining her day before it even started, the prick.

"Do you know where she keeps it?" She asked hopeful, praying it might be a quick in and out mission and the risk of waking the lion would be low.

"Hmm. No, sorry. Maybe her desk drawers? That's where she usually keeps her craft supplies." Lena shrugged and took a long sip of her coffee, closing her eyes in pleasure at the strong aroma waking up her tastebuds.

Y/N let out a breath and braced herself for the mission ahead. It would be fine. Stella was probaby knocked out cold. She'd just do a quick check and if she can't find it in the drawer she'd text Rafe to leave her the hell alone until Stella woke up. She crept into Stella's room, her sock clad feet making as little noise as possible as she inched towards the desk. She was almost there when Stella stirred and she froze in place, bracing for an attack. But it never came and Stella kept snoring. She sighed out in relief and went searching through the desk with minimal noise. She managed to find it, in the last drawer of course.

She retraced the footsteps back out of the room and felt impressed when she made it to the living room without waking her friend. Maybe she could be a spy or a cat burglar cause that was seriously cool. Lena was looking at her with a blank expression as she crept back to the kitchen. She swore she had the two most dramatic women for roomates. Stella took the cake of course, but Y/N definitely acted up sometimes and gave Stella a run for her money. It was hard being the reasonable one in the household.

"I got it." Y/N whispered, showing off the prize.

"Good job, bub." Lena said, semi sarcastically, but Y/N just grinned proudly.

"Can you help me?" Lena rolled her eyes but got up to help her friend. They had to look up instructions on how to take measurements correctly and wrote them down in Y/N's notes app. It took longer than they thought it would. Once they finally finished, she sent them to Rafe with what she deemed an appropriate warning.

Baby: here are your damn measurements

Baby: I expect you to be a lot less pushy from now on

Baby: I'm doing you a favor, don't forget that

Lena had packed up her stuff and left the apartment not long after and Rafe responded in suit.

Devil's Spawn: why thank you your holiness I wouldn't dream of being pushy with thee again

She scoffed at his idiotic response just as the next text came in.

Devil's Spawn: u want me to buy u a purse for ur troubles madam?

Baby: that's sexist

Devil's Spawn: so that's a no on the birkin?

She rolled her eyes and decided to ignore him and his sarcastic little messages. She could feel how tired she still was and since it was a day free from classes she figured going back to bed might be her best option. She poured her coffee into a bottle and put it in the fridge for later and then made herself comfy in her own bed. After a night on the couch her back was screaming in protest. She had to remember not to fall asleep in the living room again because her back hurt for days every time it happened. She was just about to fall into a slumber when her phone buzzed on the night stand. She almost groaned but checked it anyway.

Devil's Spawn: can we meet 2day?

She hated the way he texted. Was it so damn hard to just spell out an entire word? She was about to ignore him but the phone buzzed again.

Devil's Spawn: we need 2 go over some stuff 4 wedding

She groaned into her pillow after reading that. Couldn't she go one day without dealing with his bullshit? One day without thinking about the damn wedding she is forced to attend with him? At least she had the car, she reminded herself and smiled. She hadn't had much of a chance to drive it yet, so why not take advantage of it?

Baby: fine. 6pm at Rooftop

The Rooftop Bar was a gorgeous place right outside of town at one of the hotels overlooking the ocean. It was a 30 minute drive so she could enjoy the ride and the beautiful view. That was at least one good thing to come out of this whole mess.

Devil's Spawn: ok see u

With one final eye roll she finally laid her head on her soft pillow and traveled all the way to dreamland. Unfortunately so did her thoughts of a certain irksome boy and his blue-green eyes.

--------

After waking back up around 11, she went on with her day somewhat normally. However, the cloud of her approaching meet up with Rafe kept gnawing at her mind, never letting her fully relax. She debated cancelling at least 20 times, but she didn't. She knew it was time to accept her fate and make peace with the predicament she was in. She reminded herself she'll be getting something out of the deal too. That and the car. She smiled at the thought of the Mustang parked in front of their building.

It was only a few days ago that Rafe reluctantly handed her the keys to his most prized posession. He was sulking the entire time, a pout on his face she would have made fun of if she hadn't been so damn excited nothing could rain on her parade. And frankly, taking something from him that he loved would probably humble him a little and he desparately needed some humbling.

She had been eyeing the Mustang for years. She didn't know a lot about cars but she always liked the classics, fawning over them if she saw one on the road. She didn't care for the men driving them, obviously. She just found older cars to have more character, as most new cars all looked exactly the same to her - she couldn't even tell you what make any uber she'd ever taken was. But the old cars were different, pretty, special. She had always wanted to drive one but never had the opportunity. Suffice to say she had been jealous of Rafe having such a gorgeous car, believing a dickhead like him did not deserve it. And as soon as she had the idea to barter for it, she was ecstatic.

When she slid into the sleek leather seat, turned the key and heard the engine roar, she was in heaven. Rafe's misery at the arrangement was quite enjoyable too, given that he put her in such an impossibly awkward position in the first place. She felt it was only fair he suffer as well. So she didn't feel guilty driving away from him, in his old Mustang, while he looked after her with anger and sadness as she left him in the dust.

She hadn't told her friends what she was going to do, what she would ask of him in the end. They were mad at her for keeping them in suspense and she knew they'd lose their minds once she drove home in Rafe's baby.

She had barely stopped the car in front of their building when she impatiently dialed Stella's phone. Once the girl answered, Y/N only relayed a quick, criptic message of her "coming downstairs, now" and hung up. Stella had been confused but made her way out of the building all the same. As soon as she saw her in the black Mustang, Stella's jaw dropped and Y/N couldn't hide her smirk.

"No. Fucking. Way." Y/N just laughed at her friend's shocked expression.

"You took his car!? Oh my God, you're an evil genious! Remind me never to piss you off." Stella joked as she ran to hug her, both of them beaming in excitement.

"How did you convince him to give you his car? That's like his baby!" Stella shook with nerves and excitement.

"Like you guys said, he couldn't say no." Y/N shrugged, seemingly chill. However, she also couldn't quite believe she managed to get him to give her his fucking car. He really was desparate for this deal to work, otherwise he would have told her to go fuck herself and never spoke to her again. What a mess. But hey, it was a mess he got them into himself and she wasn't going to pass up a good opportunity by feeling guilty about it. He was a dick and he deserved a nice portion of humble pie.

It wasn't until later that night, while Stella and Y/N were in the apartment doing their respective work, that Lena burst through the door looking dishevelled, like she ran all the way to the third floor. The two girls were completely bewildered at their friend until she spoke.

"Where's Rafe?" Lena was looking around the apartment expecting the boy to pop up from behind a counter or something.

"I don't know? What-" Y/N started, but was interrupted.

"Why is his car in the parking lot?" Once Lena posed the question the two girls gave each other a knowing, mischievous look. Lena looked at them confused.

"About that..." Y/N started the story. Suffice to say Lena had been thoroughly shocked and amused by the ordeal.

"I can't believe you took his car. You are devious. He loves that thing more than himself." Lena chuckled and Y/N rolled her eyes.

"Well, that just isn't true or he wouldn't have agreed." She smirked and the girls nodded in agreement. Lena praised her for her nerve and Y/N thanked Lena for giving her the push to go after what she wanted.

That was two days ago and aside from classes she hadn't had a chance to drive her new car which was tragic considering how excited she was to have it. But tonight that changes. She'll finally have an oportunity to get in her new Mustang and cruise. She was buzzing with butterflies at the prospect. She had picked the location of their meeting specifically so she could enjoy the drive there and back. Also she really loved the place, rarely getting a chance to visit it. It had a gorgeous view, loads of fresh air and affordable drinks. What was not to like?

She decided to put some effort into how she looked tonight, wanting to enjoy herself to the fullest, ignoring the fact that the person she'd be meeting would probably piss her off at some point. She chose to focus on the fun parts of the evening. She picked out a cute outfit, leather jacket in tow, put on a red lip and looked herself over in approval. This is exactly the aesthetic she wanted, the kind befitting a girl driving a car like that. She grinned in excitement and got ready to leave.

She had told the girls she'd be meeting Rafe tonight and she was glad they weren't home to see how much effort she put into her appearace. She knew they'd assume it was for him when it wasn't. Not even a little bit. She was dressing for herself. And while that usually meant comfort to the max, she really wanted to look good tonight.

------

The drive was peaceful, filled with her favourite playlist and the roar of the Mustang she was falling in love with. The sea air was refreshing, helping her calm herself down. No matter how much she was enjoying her ride, the fact was it would end with meeting him. She tried so hard to keep herself cool and carefree but when it came to him it was an impossible feat. He always managed to get under her skin, no matter how much she claimed she didn't care. This whole situation was so messed up and she hated him for putting her in it. It was so absurd she couldn't believe she agreed to it. Even with the stunning automobile she was currently driving.

She forced herself to put it out of her mind for the rest of the trip; so she could enjoy the wind in her hair, fresh air in her lungs and Chappell Roan on the stereo.

Once she stopped the car she noticed he was already there, she could see his bike in the parking lot. A very nice bike, she had to admit. But of course it was, his family was loaded, he only had the best of the best. He had tried making her feel bad about taking his mode of transportation, knowing full well he had his bike to fall back on. She scoffed at the memory. What a bitch.

She had hoped she'd get there first and perhaps have a drink in peace before having to deal with him but alas the universe was not on her side tonight. Well, it seemed like it hasn't been on her side for a while.

Putting aside her anxiety, she held her head up high when she entered the hotel, beelining for the elevator that led to The Rooftop Bar where Rafe was waiting for her. He was early, she realized. It wasn't even 6 o'clock when she parked the car and he was there already. He wasn't usually late, as far as she remembers from their hang outs, but she doesn't think she'd seen him be early either.

Once she stepped out into the fresh evening air she felt herself relax slightly. The twinkling lights spread around the open-air bar were beautiful and the view of the coast breathtaking. She loved the smell of the sea, it always brought her peace. She supposed that's part of the reason why she chose this place, to help her out while she dealt with the one person who always managed to get under her skin.

Her eyes moved across the rooftop until they met his blue ones. He was sat at one of the tables closest to the edge, one with a great view. His eyes had been on her since she stepped foot out of the elevator, having been anxiously waiting for about 20 minutes. He wasn't sure why he came so early but for some reason he just didn't want to be late and risk angering her.

He had the chance to take her in before she noticed him. And boy was she a sight to behold. She looked good, too good. With a dress that hugged her curves just right and a black leather jacket making her look sexy and cool.

She always looked good when they were out together with their friends but for some reason he thought she looked extra nice tonight. Perhaps she was trying to mess with his head. Or maybe she wasn't thinking of him at all when she got dressed. Which was a thought that kind of stung given how much effort he put into his own outfit. He changed at least four times, feeling shockingly nervous to see her. He spent the whole day anxiously awaiting 6pm. He wasn't sure why he was feeling so amped up, maybe because they were meeting up alone, in a really nice and maybe even romantic place. Maybe because it was finally setting in that this whole thing was really happening and that less than two weeks from now they'd be playing a couple in front of his entire family. He chose to chalk his nerves up to the latter, not wanting to dwell on anything else.

It would have been comical, how fast her body language changed once she saw him, if it didn't cause a sharp pain in his chest. A moment ago she had seemed relaxed and maybe joyful but the moment their eyes met she stiffened up, as if she had to be on guard around him. It sucked, thought he knew she had every right to be upset with him, he did put them both in an awkward predicament. It still kind of stung that she felt so unwelcoming toward him. He chose not to dwell on that either and gave her a nod in greeting.

She mentally prepped herself on the walk over to their table, trying to remind herself that she is a grown woman and this man couldn't unhinge her unless she let him. And she wouldn't let him.

"Hey." He stood suddenly and rushed to pull her chair out, the action taking her by surprise.

"Hey. Thanks." She gave him a small awkward smile and he nodded, sitting back into his own chair across from her and waving over a waiter.

She took him in while he was distracted. He looked good and she hated it. With a button up and a leather biker jacket draped over it, he looked efortlessly cool. She was worried for a minute she might be slightly overdressed and he'd be in his usual t-shirt and backwards cap combo but he seemed to have cleaned up too. She supposed it was this place. It had a fancy vibe that made people want to dress just a little nicer for it. That was it, no other reason.

The waiter came and took their order, she realized he had not ordered a drink yet so he must have gotten here only minutes before her. He ordered a craft beer the waiter recomended and she asked for a fruity cocktail. One drink wouldn't hurt, it would help with her nerves. One drink only though, so she could safely drive back home.

"Thanks for meeting me today." He gave her a sweet smile and she responded with a mere nod, not willing to risk speaking when she felt so confused about how nice he was being. It was uncharted territory and she didn't trust it. She had to keep herself on guard.

"I love this place." He looked around with a small genuine smile, and she could tell he was being sincere. "It's a shame we don't come here more often."

"It is, yeah." She gave a tentative smile as she agreed with him. Another extremely unusual occourence - the two of them agreeing on somehing. The silence started dragging on so she decided to stop it before it spread any longer and it became awkward.

"So, what is it you wanted to discuss?" Her voice took him by surprise, breaking him out of a haze he found himself in for a moment.

"Oh, um. Just, stuff for the wedding. We should be prepared, you know." He looked sheepish and her suspicion was rising.

"Sure. So go ahead." She gave him a pointed look.

"Hm?" He looked out of it and her brow furrowed.

"Tell me more about this wedding. Your family. You know, prepare?" She was looking at him oddly, slightly concerned with how airheaded he seemd to be acting.

"Oh, of course yeah." He nodded and readied himself to spill the beans.

"Right. So we should probably start with my family." He looked uncomfortable saying it but she agreed. It did seem like the most important part. Getting them to believe they were a couple.

"Yeah, so theres my dad, my stepmom - her name is Rose, by the way - and my two little sisters." As he recounted his family dynamic and threw in tidbits of information she should probably be aware of, she found herself in awe for a moment. She had known he had sisters but she did not expect the love he exhibited while talking about them.

He mentioned how his relationship with Sarah had been rocky when they were younger but they found a way to communicate in the past year and how relieved he was that they were finally talking again. That he missed her. There was an embarrased but endearing blush on his cheeks at the revelation that made her smile. Once he noticed it, he smiled too. It was an oddly comfortable moment between the pair.

He spoke of his younger sister Wheezie with unbridled adoration, retelling a few childhood stories that made them both laugh. It was weirdly nice, sitting there together like that. Neither of them really expected it to feel that way. Almost, natural. Like they were just two regular people, sitting in a bar and chatting about their lives over drinks.

Soon enough the mood shifted as the story got to his father - Ward Cameron. She found herself bearing resentment towards the man and she'd barely even met him. He was always pompous at any event he'd come to at their college but she wasn't too bothered by him. She knew how to work people like that, figure out what they're like, tell them what they want to hear and she'd be golden. But the cloud over Rafe's head as he spoke about his dad made her heart clench with empathy for the boy. She couldn't imagine having such a terrible relationship with your father that you'd look so miserable at the mere mention of him. It tugged at her heart.

He explained how Ward very much cared for appearances, which she knew already. He mentioned that he always saw Rafe as a disappointment and he really didn't want to be one anymore. She kind of felt bad for him even though in his desparation to impress his dad he put her in this shitty position. The ice around her heart was slowly melting. She still hated the entire ordeal, obviously, but she kind of understood why this was important to Rafe.

She still didn't like that he was using her as a pawn in his game of "win dad's approval" and she wouldn't pretend otherwise no matter how much of a sob story he sold her, though. She knew he was laying it on thicker than necessary to try and gain her sympathy. And while it kind of worked, the method didn't go unnoticed and she resented his manipulation tactics.

He described his stepmother as a vain woman, just as obsessed with image as his father, which made sense. She wasn't sure if his negative image of her was warranted or not, given that she'd never met the woman. She decided to keep his warnings in mind but leave an open mind for Rose. As far his sisters went she already knew she'd like them. She just felt bad that she'd be lying to them. That part sucked.

He mentioned some of the influential people who would be attending this wedding, and she was kind of surprised with just how many people relevant to her future career would be there in one place. And she'd get the chance to network. This really was a good opportunity for her, he wasn't lying when he said that. She was impressed.

She knew he was smart, but it took her by surprise just how much he knew about who she'd be interested in meeting and even giving her some pointers on how to impress a few of them he knew more closely. Rich people really do all stick together. She almost scoffed but refrained as he was doing her a solid giving her these bits of information that could definitely help her when she approached her targets.

When he had finally reached the conclusion in his debrief, the waiter returned to take their empty glasses and ask if they'd like to order more. As much as she enjoyed the sweet cocktail she remembered the promise she made herself and ordered a coke. Rafe ordered the same and gave her a cute smile.

It was odd, how natural it felt opening up to her. Even for a bit. He didn't quite understand how this woman managed to make him feel both exposed and understood at the same time. Like she could see right through him but she simply listened and empathized. It was fucking with his head.

He had spared her most of the details about his father which he deemed not necessary for her to know. It was all about preparing her for the wedding, that's all. He was amused at the way her eyes sparkled when they talked about her part of the deal, all the people on the guest list she would no doubt be able to wow. She seemed kind of excited and it made him feel glad. So far she had only expressed anger and disapproval over their arrangement. But there was a great opportunity for her in it too, which she had been ignoring for the most part. He knew she would manage to charm any one of those guests she wanted to. She was like that, incredibly charismatic and charming. He simply wasn't on the list of people she wished to charm. And he was fine with that, it didn't matter that there was a short burst of pain inside his ribs at the reminder that the only reason she was sitting with him right now was the deal they made.

"So what's with this "Modiste"?" Her voice was dripping with sarcasm at the use of the word.

"Yeah. Sorry about that. Rose likes to keep things looking perfect. She wants us to match so we need to try some things out." He rolled his eyes at what he deemed his stepmother's dramatics. "The clothes need to be tailored, not a single crease in sight."

For Y/N, it was beginning to sink in just how different their worlds were. The mere clothes they wore were so startlingly different in price, she shuddered to think what this entire wedding would look like. She did not belong in the world of oppulence. She was a small town girl, on a scholarship, trying to make a difference in this world. But the world was quite literally tailored to the upper classes, and her dislike of them had to take a back seat if she wanted to fulfil her dreams. Change starts from within, small steps and all that. She had to remind herself to breathe as her thoughts nearly spun out of control.

Rafe noticed her expression change and frowned.

"Everything okay?" She startled at his voice breaking her out of her daze.

"Oh, yeah. Yeah all good." She gave him an unconvincing smile and he had to hold back from calling bullshit. He didn't want to piss her off, things were finally going somewhat okay between them and he wanted it to continue on like that.

"Okay so we just gotta pick out a few outfits on Tuesday and that's what we'll be wearing. Rose will take care of everything else, like always." He attempted a joke in order to relieve the tension that was radiating off of her.

"Right. Makes sense." She nodded trying to focus on the topic at hand. "Wait a few outfits?" She questioned, confused.

"Oh, yeah. Well one for the first day, the rehersal dinner-" she interrupted him before he got to finish his thought.

"Hold on, hold on, hold on." He looked bemusedly at her.

"What?" Her brows furrowed in confusion at his words.

"What do you mean the first day?" He was looking at her like she had grown a second head.

"Well, the rehearsal dinner, as I was saying. Then the wedding on Saturday-" he didn't get to finish again.

"I'm sorry, I'm gonna stop you right there." He was barely holding in his annoyance at her rude interruptions.

"You're saying this is a two day deal?" She was looking like she was about to pass out and alarm bells finally started ringing in his head.

"It's actually three days." His voice was careful, trying not to upset her further because she seemed like she was on the verge of a panic attack.

"Three days?!" Her voice was louder than she expected, and she got a few dirty looks from the table next to them.

"I told you this?" It came out as a weak attempt to placate her.

"No. You did not." She was glaring at him, and if looks could kill he would be a full 6 feet under this hotel.

"I swear, I thought I told you!" His desparation could be felt through every syllable.

"Rafe I swear to God-"

"I'm sorry! I really thought I did..." he looked petrified. Like the very thin line they had been toeing was about to break and he wasn't sure he could ever fix it if it did.

She got up from the table and walked away without a second glace. It happened so fast, one second she was there, steam practically coming out of her ears, then he blinked and he was faced with her back leaving the bar. He jumped into action, throwing some cash on the table to cover the bill and ran after her.

She had already gotten onto the elevator by the time he reached it and she purposefully closed the doors on him... Fuck. He realised his only option was to run down the stairs as fast as he could in hopes he reaches her before she takes off.

By the time he runs out of the staircase the elevator is empty and he curses his luck. He rushes out, panting, panicking, ready to see his car gone but it isn't. The car is still parked in front of the hotel but she's nowhere in sight. His relief turns to confusion, turns to concern until he notices something moving across the road and sees her standing at the railing overlooking the ocean. He hurries to join her. Her eyes are closed and she's breathing in a deliberate manner.

"Y/N/N-"

"Don't." She interrupts him again, this time he lets the silence roll. They stand there for what feels like eons but in reality was no more than 2 minutes. She opens her eyes and stares at the sea bellow them, the waves crashing into the cliffside. Her breathing evens out and she exhales a deep breath.

She had to get away from him, she needed a minute to breathe, calm herself down. She was reaching an anxiety attack up there and she needed out.

He stood a few feet away, mimicking her posture, waiting for her to speak or move or do something. He was so scared he screwed the whole thing up by not telling her. He really did think he had. But to be frank, he mostly blocked out those extremely embarrassing moments when he revealed to her the truth of his transgression and begged her to help him. So how was he to know if he actually did or didn't mention it? By her reaction though, it was clear this was the first time she was hearing about it. He wanted to slap himself.

"I'm sorry." His voice was quiet, small, defeated almost.

She finally looked at him then and realized he wasn't lying about believing he had told her about the wedding being a three day affair.

She wanted to cuss him out, slap him, tell him to take his car keys back and to leave her the fuck alone for the rest of time. But the way he was looking at her, so broken, so desparate, sad. Like she was holding his entire world in the palm of his hands and if she dropped it he wouldn't survive it. And she cursed herself for being empathetic because he really kept pulling the rug from under her again and again. Just when she thought she was finally in control, understood what she was dealing with, he reveals something else that tilts her world off its axis.

She sighed again and looked out at the setting sun. He kept his eyes on her. He was sure she would have cussed him out by now or maybe pushed him over the railing by how angrily she had looked at him back at the table. But she hadn't. Hadn't left either. She was still there. Maybe there was still hope.

"I swear, I thought I told you." He repeated himself pathetically, not knowing what else to do. She looked at him, the intensity in her eyes knocking his breath out of him. He was at her mercy yet again.

"I know." He looked dazed at her words. Hopeful for her next.

"You hate me now?" His voice was barely a whisper at that point. Why does he always fuck everything up?

"I don't know." Ouch. He was kind of hoping for a no. By the dejected look on his face she realized her words were a mistake. And untrue.

"No. I still don't hate you." She spoke looking back at the horizon. His head swiveled back to stare at her gauging if she was being truthful or playing with him. He was greatful it was the latter.

"Are you gonna back out?" The silence and the suspence were bad for his health, he felt faint. She let out a loud breath, seemingly fighting with herself.

"No." His eyes snapped up to hers incredibly quickly. But before he could say anything she continued.

"But you need to be honest with me. No more surprises, okay? I can't deal with any more of this shit." He was nodding along with her words enthusiastically, trying to hold in a smile that was desparate to come out. She wasn't abandoning him. She was still with him.

"I swear!" His hands were in the air in an apologetic manner.

"So is that it? Or is there anything else I should know that you forgot to mention?"

"No, that's all, I promise." He was nodding again, trying to convince her he was serious.

"Rafe, I swear to God if anything else pops up-"

"It won't!" He came closer to her, staring in her eyes, begging her to believe him. His move startled her but she didn't move, couldn't. It was as if his eyes were keeping her in a trance. She could see no sign of deception in them, so she nodded.

He finally let the smile out, the relief and gratitude overwhelming him. She hated that the sight of him made her want to smile too. She kept hold of herself though. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

"So, three days?" He realized she was asking for an explanation.

"Right. So the plan is we get there on Friday in time for the rehearsal dinner. Then Saturday is the wedding and reception. That's where you get to make your move." He gave her a cheeky wink and she rolled her eyes.

"And then Sunday is recovery from the wedding and a continuation of the celebration for the bride and groom's closest family and friends. A way to spend some time together before they go off on their honeymoon."

"So three whole days of playing the part." She was deep in thought. Partly doubting her ability to pull it all off for so long, partly hyping herself up at the prospect of those connections that were so close to her reach.

"Look, I know it's more than you exepected but it's not a big deal." The look she gave him showed him her thoughts. Bullshit. He cracked a smile. She wanted to slap it off him. He was too damn cocky for either of their goods.

"You do realize we have to convice your family, friends and everyone else there that we're a couple, right?" He nodded, as if it was obvious.

"And we have never been able to not piss each other off for more than an hour." She waved back toward the hotel, reminding him of their most recent disasterous interaction. He sighed, putting his head in his hands, exasperated.

"So what then? I don't know what you want me to do. You're the one who ran away from me." He looked at her and noticed her glare was back. And they had just fixed things. This was exhausting.

"I needed a moment to breathe and think after getting yet another major reveal from you." She was right.

"I know. I'm sorry." He approached her again.

Why did he keep getting into her personal space, looking at her like that? Why did it keep affecting her the way it was? Why did she keep letting him? He was a breath away, it seemed. And those eyes looked anything but sorry then. They looked wild. As if their proximity was ruining both of their resolves. She had to put an end to this tomfoolery. So she stepped away, crossing the street back to the parking lot, leaving him dazed and confused.

After a moment he followed, hands in his pockets portraying a picture of nochalance which was nothing more than a facade. She saw through it but she didn't want to know whatever it was that was going through his head now. She needed this interaction done with, once again feeling drained of all energy. It was like he had this annoying ability to rattle all her senses just by being near her. She hated that. She opened the car door, his car door, feeling his stare boring into her.

"I'll see you at the Modiste." She offered a neutral, but somewhat friendly goodbye. He nodded, looking at her with an intensity she didn't know what to do with.

He hated seeing her like this. So calm and collected when he was anything but. Hated how easy it was for her to walk away from him, time and time again. How pathetic he felt wishing she wouldn't, again and again.

She looked infuriatingly good, standing by his car, like she owned it. Like she had the right to drive it. It pissed him off that it suited her, looked like it was made for her when it was his most prized posession, which she stole from him. He hated how much he liked seeing her getting into the drivers seat, how he got a great view of her ass as she did. Hated how much every little thing about her seemed to affect him in the worst ways. Mostly he hated that he didn't hate any of it, how much it stirred inside of him, stuff he wanted to pretend did not exist. And he resented her for not feeling the same unhinged way he always seemed to when they're together. He hadn't moved from his position by the car, not even an inch. Just staring at her while she turned the ignition on and the familiar sound of the old muscle car roaring to life shot a pang through his heart.

He resented how good she looked driving his car. It was so fucking unfair.

She looked back at him, confused as to his state of mind, from the intensity on his face and the way his eyes just wouldn't leave her. She felt an overwhelming urge to break the tension somehow. Just driving away while he stared at her seemed too unnerving of a prospect.

"You promise no more surprises?" She managed to break him out of his reverie then. He clearly did not expect her to speak again. He processed her words and smirked.

"What would life be like if there were no surprises, Y/N/N?" The look she gave him made him laugh and reassure her.

"No. No more surprises. Scout's honor." Dramatically, he puts a hand over his heart.

"Good. Because if I show up there and find out that it's actually our wedding or something, I'm going to murder you."

Those were the last words he heard before she took off in his beloved Mustang. Once again leaving him in the dust, this time a live wire from their encounter. He was left with the unfortunate image she had now put in his head. Why would she say that?

Why would she say that? What was she thinking? At least she managed to take him by surprise and break whatever daydream he was in. But why did she say that? Now she was thinking of how awkward it was. She wanted to leave on a funny and unaffected note but now she was left embarrased.

She took a breath and made a conscious decision not to dwell on that cringe mistake and leave it in the rearview along with him. And as she drove further away from the hotel and the man in front of it she managed to convince herself the worst was behind her and whatever came from now on would be easier.

Just as she was starting to believe it, she heard the roar of a motorcycle and she knew it was him. She expected him to zoom past her but he slowed down to match her pace. She looked over at him confused, but couldn't see his face. So she did the only thing she could think of in that moment and waved at him. That seemed to do the trick as he waved back and finally took off in front of her, leaving her to wonder what the hell just happened.

-------

When she finally got into bed that night, freshly showered and tummy full, she noticed a text notification on her phone.

Devil's Spawn: it looks good on u

It took her a moment to realize what he was talking about. And then it dawned on her. The weird moment on the road. He was checking her out while she was driving his car. Her cheeks turned a furious shade of red as it sank in. And he had the audacity to send that text. Not only was he checking her out but he wanted her to know it too. What a pompous douchebag.

She decided that the fluttery feeling in her stomach was caused by the anger at being so blatantly objectified, not because he was flirting with her. His message went unanswered as she forced herself to calm down and get some sleep. This would prove a futile attempt, him once again making her too riled up and forcing her into yet another long and restless night.

-------

Taglist: if anyone wants to be tagged in future work let me know; @lovelornanonymity @mentallynot-here @wishing-i-was-rafes-princess @emeloyy @kanib45 @clinelyn @magnificantmermaid @hey-sunrisee @mannstarkey @harringtonstudios @totallynotkaibiased @popcrone818 @bookaholics-stuff @zzzina7 @fangirlwithlou @namelesssav @rafesxgold @cmac-writes @malfoytargaryen @alinaharlow @mveggieburger @theyluvmesblog @withbeautyandrage @sierrahhh @harrys-humble-housewife @piceous21 @vifuckingp @ditzyballerina @xoxo3m1ly @jessmaybank @whore-4-drewstarkey @palmwinemami @mew227 @dustbunniess @sublimepenguinpeach-blog @starkowswife @ietss @beansprout713 @tpwk-mia @starkeysbebe

[captain-mj]

I definitely need the shadows making fun of Graves' crush on Price 💀

Oh I can definitely do that! The return of my oc Jason!! Also, Mila and Oz are here!!

Price was currently just standing there, but he was wearing one of his tight shirts that showed off his back muscles and how big his arms. He looked gorgeous.

Graves was staring quietly, admiring how he twisted and told his recruits what to do. Such confidence.

"Commander. Permission to stare with you, sir?" Mila asked, leaning in.

Graves groaned. "Please, fuck off."

"Oh come on. You're the one staring at the old man."

"We're only three years apart."

"Yeah, you're old too." Mila smiled at him. "A whole 35. Practically ancient."

"You won't be in your twenties forever. You know that right? One day you'll be just as old. Your back will hurt. Knees will ache when it's going to rain."

Mila hummed. "You think Price's knees ache? Maybe you can ask him and you two can bond over it."

Graves huffed and crossed his arms. "Let me please just stare at the man in peace."

"I mean. He is a fine man. Maybe he's into women."

Graves slowly turned to him and watched Mila bit her lip to bite back her laughter. "Get lost, soldier. That's an order."

Mila left, still laughing to herself. She must've informed Jason and Oz because they were watching Graves like a hawk. The moment he started to talk to Price, they were behind him, making kisses at each other in a way that made Graves blush.

Price tilted his head, getting Graves's attention. "You okay, darling? You're flushed."

Graves flushed more. "I... Um..."

Price's hand darted out, touching his face. "You don't feel feverish. Is everything okay?"

Before Graves could blame the heat or that it had been a long day or really anything, Jason butted in. "Nah, he just does that sometimes." Oz dragged Graves away the moment Price pulled his hand away.

"He called you darling."

"Shut the fuck up."

"Of course you'd like a Brit."

Graves groaned. "I know. I am betraying my country but I feel like the founding fathers would understand." He rubbed his face, trying to get rid of his stupid blushing. "But he's a good guy."

"He killed a bunch of Shadows."

"And I killed a bunch of the Vaqueros. We agreed to leave everything in the past." Graves hit his shoulder lightly.

Oz hummed. "I think you're too good for him, but if the weird British Dad makes you happy."

Graves hated it here.

The news spread fast and soon every time he was around Price, one of his Shadows would find some way to joke about what was going on or, debatably worse, try to help. Graves had been pushed into Price's arms at least four times.

Each time Price took it gracefully, arms circling around him until he got his footing. Occasionally, his hand would linger on his back for a moment afterward, just gently touching and it drove Graves mad. Their height difference was more noticeable when Graves's wasn't in uniform. He only came to about 5'9 and a half while Price was an easy 6'2 and he had the hands to match based on the way they pressed against the small of his back.

Gaz started to glare at him every time. It clearly wasn't on purpose, especially since Graves had no qualms about scolding the Shadows in front of everyone for once again doing this. He kept glaring all the same.

Then, Soap dropped a comment. "If Graves is the Shadow's dad, does that make us step siblings with them?"

Graves blinked slowly, his brain cells clinking together before he glanced at Price who had turned bright red. His hand quickly went from behind Graves's back to behind his own in a parade stance.

"MacTavish." He hissed.

Graves saw his opportunity. This was mostly revenge for the darling thing but a little because he also wanted to see Price's reaction. "Oh, Casanova, you turned all red." His hand reached up, feeling Price's flushed face.

"Casanova?"

"It means a man who is a romantic." Graves hummed. "Well, you don't feel feverish, is it the heat?"

Price stumbled over his words before just shrugging. "I guess."

Ghost and Mila exchanged long suffering glances.

Wow they were fucking annoying.

So they planned and then locked Graves and Price in a closet.

They luckily had plenty of wiggle room, but Price's arms still ended up going around Graves to make it a bit more comfortable.

"I'm skinning them alive when I get out of here."

"I don't understand what their issue has been lately."

Graves moved a little and found himself pressed back to chest with Price. He flushed again and tried to just breath.

"Claustrophobic?" Price asked gently, tugging him in a little closer.

"No. I'm fine, don't worry. Can you get to the door?"

Price tried it but grimaced. "Locked. Think they put something in front of it too. I'd have to break it down and that would be a bit hard considering."

Graves sighed and turned around again so they were now chest to chest. "Have anything you want to talk about?"

It was quiet for a minute, just a bit too dim for him to see all of Price's features. The kiss came out of nowhere.

The second one didn't.

[darcyfangirlsfrequently]

Unbeknownst

Summary: He told her she knew

Word count: 782

Can also be read here on Ao3

“So… you and Luke?” Penelope asked cautiously. “Is that a thing?”

She and Teresa had become something akin to friends, and often got coffee together. Penelope had been pestering Luke on this subject, but he was very insistent they were just friends. She didn’t buy it, however. The way Teresa had howled at him? That had to mean something. She told herself the weird, icky feeling she had about it was only because of the potential stickiness this could add to an already sticky situation. It wasn't jealousy. 

Teresa scoffed in response. “Me and Luke? Absolutely not. We are just friends. Sure, army guys are my type, but A: he’s too old for me, and B: I’d never start something with someone who’s obviously in love with their friend and admits it.”

To say Penelope’s jaw dropped would be an understatement. “Luke’s in love with someone? Who? Tara?”

Teresa’s brows scrunched together. “Who’s Tara? No. You, duh.”

Penelope’s heart skipped a beat, then started to hammer. “What do you mean me, duh? Nothing about that is duh!”

“But… he said you knew.”

“What?”

“I called him out for having feelings for you but not doing anything about it, and he said, and I quote, no, she knows I love her. He even put an emphasis on the knows. He said, she knows I love her.”

Penelope felt like a fish out of water. She was gasping, she couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t even begin to process what she was hearing. “He… he has never said those words to me. In any capacity. I mean, he hasn’t even said it platonically! I knew, of course, it went without saying. But that’s not what you guys were talking about. Right?”

Teresa shook her head. “No. He loves you loves you. “

Penelope winced, thinking about how her horrid behavior lately must have hurt him. “He didn’t happen to mention how long, did he?”

Teresa bit the inside of her cheek and tilted her head back, thinking. “I mean, he mentioned an awkward date? So I guess around then? When was that?”

“Three years ago,” Penelope admitted, feeling awful.

“Ha! The fucking liar.”

Penelope tilted her head. “What do you mean?”

Teresa shook her head, laughing. “He told me that date was a ‘hard pass’ for both of you. Lies. You don’t stay in love with a hard pass for three years. I think he was trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince me.”

“I can’t believe this. Luke… loves me. And he thought I knew. Oh god he thought I knew and then did all the things I did anyway… how does he not hate me?”

Teresa looked very concerned. “Do I want to know?”

“Probably not.”

***

Penelope was pacing, fidgeting with and flapping her hands as she waited for Luke to arrive. She had taken two days after Teresa’s revelation to process what she had learned. To decide how she felt. Once she knew what she needed to say to him, she messaged Luke and asked him to come over because she had something she wanted to talk to him about. He told her he’d be right over. Of course he would. He loves you. 

Her doorbell rang, and when she checked the camera, there he was with that glowing smile. He loves you. 

She let him in, and he clocked her tense mood immediately. He loves you. 

“Hey, what’s up? Are you okay?” 

He loves you. “You love me?”

He looked somewhat confused. “Didn’t you know that?”

“I do now!” He loves you. He loves you. He loves you. He loves you. “Now that Teresa told me! Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you tell her? Why did you tell her I knew?”

“I thought you did! I thought it was obvious.”

He. Loves. You. She was getting hysterical. “It wasn’t to me!”

Luke almost deflated. “Oh. I’m sorry. I tried to make it obvious.”

He loves you. And he really did. She could tell. He wasn’t trying to deny it, or hide it, he wasn’t upset that she knew. He admitted it openly. He was at peace with it. She swore he looked happy about it. He loves you. 

“Why me?” He loves you. 

“Why not you?” He loves you. 

The tears she had been holding back finally broke free, but instead of crumpling, she went to him. Threw her arms around him. He loves you. 

He held her back. He loves you. 

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed. He loves you. “I know I’ve hurt you, I never meant to, I’m so sorry.”

“I forgive you.” He loves you.

She kissed him. He loves you.

You love him too.

[leafyaa]

Chapter 8.

"You know Y/n, that Kunikuzushi gives off a weird vibe." Heizou says as he lays on your couch while staring at the ceiling.

"Why?" You question with a confused look on your face. 

"No but seriously I agree with Heizou. You're telling us that that Kunikuzushi guy brought you home after you passed out and then took you on a date but you ran away because you were nervous and then ended up in the hospital because some Fatui attacked you? Your story doesn't really make sense." Sara says, crossing her arms.

"How not? Kunikuzushi brought me home after I fell asleep and he knew where I lived because we've been friends before-"

"Before?" Sara raises an eyebrow.

"Before- Hikari went missing.. You know how I cut off contact with a lot of people because of the fact my mind wasn't in the right state.." It hurts to bring Hikari up but you had to make up something for them to not distrust Kunikuzushi. After all, he did nothing but help you, right? 

Sara and Heizou visibly tense as you bring up your missing daughter again.

"Sorry.." Sara mumbles an apology as she sees your expression sadden.

"It's fine.. Besides, Gorou's team has now picked up the case so I'm hopeful there will be a breakthrough.." You say and smile.

"Yes, let's hope for the best." Heizou says as he puts his hand on your shoulder.

Suddenly someone knocks at your door and you stand up to see who's knocking.

Through the glass window you see a familiar indigo haired man, Kunikuzushi.

He has a bouquet of flowers- wait, those aren't flowers?? You weren't so sure because the glass panel wasn't translucent. 

You open the door with a smile and let him in. He smirks at heizou as you turn around to close the door.

Kunikuzushi plays it off as if nothing happened and hands you the bouquet with not only flowers but also cute Kuromi plushies.

You gasp in surprise and look at the cute bouquet. Sure it was somewhat childish and you were already in your twenties but still, who could stop your love for Sanrio characters? 

While you are silently squealing about your cute bouquet, Sara looks at Kunikuzushi. 

Both of them make eye contact and Kunikuzushi's expression changes into a rather threatening one. Sara cuts off the eye contact and looks back only to see a sweet and caring face. 

"What the fuck was that.." She mutters quietly and gets up from the couch. 

"Oh wait fuck, the curry is ready I'll get it- Everyone sit at the dinner table please!" You put the bouquet on your kitchen counter and run towards the stove to turn the fire off. 

You open the lid and a smell of Curry and potatoes starts coming out. 

"Smells amazing Y/n!" Heizou says as he stares at the pot with curry that is brought by you at the table. 

You open the rice cooker and put rice in everyone's bowl. Then you put some curry in everyone's bowl and  sat down. 

"Thank you for the meal."

Everyone dug in and enjoyed the temporarily peaceful atmosphere. 

That was until Heizou started talking. 

"So Kunikuzushi, how did you and Y/n meet?" Heizou says in an interrogating way, somewhat aggressively mushing his potatoes with a smiling face. 

"Well her friend Kazuha first introduced me to her when she was a first year in middle school while Kazuha and I were second years. But before that I always saw her outside of her house dancing."

"Wait really?" You look up in surprise. 

"Yeah, you were dancing ballet in your front yard and ever since I've seen you I always made excuses to stop by Konda village to watch you dance." Kunikuzushi admits with a cheeky smile. 

"So you were a stalker when you were a kid??" Heizou exclaims, pointing at Kunikuzushi. 

"No I wasn't. I just happened to stop by Konda village when  my mother's car broke down on the way to Taratsuna. I decided to walk around on my own and saw Y/n dance in her front yard... I was mesmerized but then called back by my sister because the car was fixed... Since then I always had an excuse to stop by Konda village... Back then I used to be called Kabukimono... However I changed my name to Kunikuzushi later."

"So where's your sister now?" Sara questions, not noticing how you both tense at the question. 

"She took her own life 9 years ago." Kunikuzushi coldly says as he looks down making his bangs cover his eyes. 

Sara and Heizou look speechless while you try not to cry. 

Kunikuzushi's sister, Shogun, was one of your somewhat close friends back in High school. 

However you still liked her because she was always interested in whatever you were doing. Whether it would be making paper stars, dancing or painting. 

You met her through Kunikuzushi who at first reluctantly introduced you to his older twin sister. She was 14 at the time while you were 13. He did it because the two of you were close to each other so he wanted you to meet his family (except for his moms). 

You can still remember how she was really quiet and didn't utter a word to you. But she observed you and through her facial expression you could see she enjoyed spending time with you. 

But then one day something happened. She committed suicide without leaving any word or note behind. She just did it. 

Oh how heartbroken you were that she just left. But Kunikuzushi was more affected by it than anyone. For the first time his innocent expression changed. It changed into anger. He was furious that she was the 3rd one to leave him. 

It was the year 2046 by then. A lot of shit happened in the year. Eleazar broke out in Sumeru causing lockdowns everywhere (some just for a short period, but others for years), protests were held against the Tenryou police force that seemed to be corrupted and of course the death of Raiden Shogun, daughter of the president Raiden Ei. 

Because of the suicide Ei's mental state took a turn for the worse, causing her to take several bad political choices for her country. 

Firstly, she let the Tenryou commission (which The Tenryou police force were led under) take control of the Government temporarily while she had to step down for a bit, instead of the Kanjou commission or Yashiro commission. 

Secondly Watatsumi prefecture that Raiden Ei has been negotiating with, were forced to become one with Inazuma again as the Tenryou commission had control. But of course the people of Watatsumi didn't let that slide so they stood up and fought against the Tenryou commission, causing a lot of blood to be shed on both ends. 

And lastly Inazuma became a strict and sheltered country for 2 long years as it was let under a 'dictatorship'. Or well that's what you found out when you moved over to Liyue to study. Because Inazuma opened up again in 2048 and just a year later you were accepted in the international university of Teyvat.

In short it was just a big mess at the time.

"I'm going outside for a bit, excuse me." Kunikuzushi says suddenly and stands up to walk outside to your garden. He slams the glass door shut while Sara, Heizou and you watch him leave.

You stand up and gently push your chair against the table.

"I'll go talk to him.."

⇠ previous ⭒ masterlist ⭒ next ⇢

Notes:

Yay lore

Anyways, might update less in the coming next few weeks because I got a bunch of test I have to study for as well as 2 exams 😔😔

Summary:

You've dated Scaramouche in your high school and college years but just as you wanted to announce your pregnancy to him he broke up with you without any reason. He left you to be a single mom for 7 years. But now that your daughter has been missing and abducted for a year and you've not been doing well and out of a sudden he showed up into your life again trying to apologize for his past mistakes..?

Taglist:

@swivy123 @kichiyoshi @wwwrizchan @k1t0 @killumeo @pinkdreamerbailifflawyer-blog @samarill @xiaotopia @aqualesha @eattingshits @omoriaddict @mave-in @sketcheeee @xiaossocksniffer @elernity @ohmyfinggod @izukusshuu @divinechicha @arrowximpack @kaoriee @scaramochies @ekriis @rizakari @ahseya

[fantasies-fairytales-n-fics]

Code Blue Ch. 37- Little Boy Blue

Summary: A Lee and Josie chapter full of emotional revelations and a sweet love reunion. Craig plays hardball with a nemesis. Jo has another nightmare that shakes her entire soul. Lee comforts her and makes a promise.

*Warnings* Strong language, angst, supernatural occurrences, smut, mentions of murder plots and threats, mild violence

Stories Stories Stories Masterlist

Chapter characters: Lee, Josie, Craig, Ethan

Salem, Massachusetts

March 8, 2023

"Jason's what? I'm sorry, did you just say...hes' alive??" Lee asked with a raised brow and a tilted head as he peered down at your very serious and nervous face.

You were betraying your brother by telling his secret, but never again would you keep things from Lee, not even this and soon, you would also tell him about Jacob. Lee deserved to know that the woman he loves is also his son's aunt.

"Believe me, I know how insane this sounds but..."

"Jo...that's...not even possible...I...I saw him, treated him...h..how??"

"I saw him too...yesterday afternoon at my apartment, after I saw you. Well, he was at my landlord's apartment and I certainly wasn't supposed to see him. I came up the stairs and there he was in the hallway with Craig, both as shocked as I was. Let's go downstairs and get that wine. There's so much more I need to tell you."

You and Lee sat at the kitchen table for over an hour, sharing a newly opened bottle of red wine as you told him all you knew about Jason's resurrection and Elizabeth being Craig's ex wife, saving for the last, the part about your brother being Jacob's father.

"So then...who's in his grave?? I mean, there was a man in the ER that I tried to save Jo, believed to be Jason so who in the hell was it? Your mom, she identified him. She was certain it was Jason. She pointed out his necklace. God, this is mind blowing because you know what?...now it makes sense. He was unidentifiable. The man's head trauma was quite severe, his jaw crushed, including his teeth, probably from a beam falling on him I would suspect so a dental comparison was not possible and he was severely burned, including his hands, almost to a crisp so...no fingerprints. His DNA was not on file as well. Wow...it was all set up."

"Yeah...I don't know who we buried. The conversation didn't get to that but I'm going to guess it was either some innocent man that was just there that day having his lunch and is probably now considered missing, which is so unsettling. What if he had a family? I can't even imagine what they're going through if he did. This all pisses me off so bad that Jason did this and damn the consequences and whomever gets hurt all so he can get his revenge. I get it, I do, about that but he could have handled it without dying per se."

"I'm so sorry baby, that he did this to your and your mom. Does she know?"

"Oh believe me, if she knew, I would have heard about it by now. I wasn't even supposed to tell you, but there's no way I could, or would keep this from you, especially after everything we have been through."

"Thank you sweetheart. It means everything to me that you trust me with something so huge like that. And Elizabeth, I can't even. She's like a fucking plague. I remember telling you about how she got married and had a kid with the guy, but I never knew his name nor met him. I feel for this Craig a bit, considering he is possibly in the same boat with me, not knowing if his child is his child and the thought of her being Ethan's...I can't even...but at least he has an idea, where is I have no clue who Jacob's biological father is."

There it was. The moment you would have to break his heart all over again and it was making you sick to your stomach because Lee had been through so much already, especially today. What would this do to him? After everything, could you possibly lose him because it might just be too weird and too much to handle about you being Jacob's aunt? It was a risk you had to take so Lee could have some sort of peace over it all, although peace would be the last thing he was going to feel at first.

"Lee...I..."

You froze and Lee could see there was something you were dreading to tell him.

"Hey, baby girl...what is it? You know you can tell me anything." he sweetly said and reached over to lay his hand upon yours.

"I know." you smiled as tears began to well up in your fretful eyes. "It's just that...what I have to tell you, I...don't even know how to say it."

"Well, I find the simplest way to say something is to just say it. Just throw it all out there. Maybe try that, because...you're kinda scaring me here a little."

"I'm so sorry. Ok...I umm...I...I know who...Jacob's father is." you stuttered out and cringed while doing so.

Lee's hand slowly slid off of yours as he sat back and straight up in his chair, his eyes widened with instant grief.

"You...you know who? That...that means...it's actually true?"

"I...yes. I'm so sorry, I didn't want to have to tell you this. I..found out yesterday. Jason told me and.."

"Wait..Jason told you?? How would he even know?"

You began to choke up as you lightly gulped before continuing.

"He umm...Lee...it's...he knows because...it's...him."

Lee's entire body noticeably stiffened and you swore he stopped breathing for a moment as he gazed at you like a deer in the headlights.

"That...that can't be...I mean...how? Wait...what????"

"Elizabeth....she knew Jason, probably because of Ethan, I don't know really. She was in love with him I guess and well, Jason loved Britt as you know, so one night, out of her jealousy and drunkeness, Elizabeth told him the truth before Jacob died. From what I understand, she let Jason spend time with Jacob from time to time but Jason didn't want him to be a part of his life, only to protect him from the life he lived and then...when Jason ended up choosing Britt, Elizabeth snapped and Jason feels, just as you do, that....Jacob's death was not an accident. Jason thinks she did it to get back at him and he...he even thinks she had something to do with his so called death and...."

Your words were cut short by Lee abruptly shoving his chair back to stand and he just stood there, staring with gaping eyes darting around as his breaths accelerated.

"Jesus christ....that... that means...you....you are his.....THAT'S what he meant..he knew and was trying to tell me." Lee whispered loudly as he walked off into the other room.

"Lee, wait...that's what WHO meant?? And knew what??" you frantically asked as you hurried after him.

"Yesterday...." he gasped and paced about. "God, you're going to think I am fucking nuts. It..it was at the same time, the same time Jo, that you found out. I..I saw him...I saw Jacob..."

Lee paused as he panted, staring at you with desperation for you to believe him.

"Ok, ok baby, slow down and breathe. I believe you and would never think you're nuts. How could I not believe you after all the other things you have witnessed...what I even witnessed the day the windows blew out. Tell me what happened. Take your time. It's ok. I promise. Do you trust me?"

"Yes, of course...I...I was going to tell you...but..everything else happened. After I left you at Gordon's work, I decided not to wait for him to get back and I...I went to the house...I needed to stay busy and try to get more of Jacob's things. I..I just keep putting it off ya know....and...anyways." he said as he shook his head in frustration. "I...I was packing some of his tuff in a box, some books and...and his favorite stuffed animal, a monkey...he loved monkeys and..I always called him monkey cause he liked to jump in the bed in the mornings and wake me up and fuck I'm rambling."

Lee rubbed his hands down his face and sucked in a deep breath.

"Hey, look at me, look at me. It's ok. You can ramble all you want. I'm listening. I'm right here. Focus on me ok?" you assured him and took his hand.

Lee's eyelids fluttered a bit as he tried to gather his scattered thoughts and then he softly nodded and gulped before continuing.

He began to tell you as the look on his face told you he was reliving it in his mind.

"As I was packing, I..I had the music on...the song I put in your gift...time in a bottle...it was playing and I was thinking about you and...just as I was putting his monkey in the box....I felt like someone was there and when I looked up...he was there Jo. Jacob was standing right beside me and he pulled the box down and got out his toy airplane, the began running all around the house, holding it in the air like it was flying, just like he always used to do. I...I couldn't even believe my own eyes. I thought I was having some kind of break from reality due to all my stress. Especially when....when he ran through a doorway and then all of a sudden he was coming down the stairs on the opposite side of the house. I then...I...tried to touch him as he sat and played with the plane and...it shocked me...it shocked me Jo, like...it knocked me back on my ass. And then...he just looked at me and said...'where's mommy.' And then, he was just gone. "

(Enjoy the small clip below of that scene Lee is remembering. I added "Time in a Bottle" to it)

"After that, I went and took a long hot shower to wake up. I hadn't been sleeping well and literally thought I was hallucinating. So it was either the shower or I was going to drink myself to death. I...I wanted to call you but...I couldn't tell you something like that over the phone when I couldn't even understand what happened to even be able to try. Anyways...after my shower, I got dressed and I went into Jacob's room, looking at all of his things that I left just as he had left it. I couldn't bring myself to continue packing after what I believed I saw, because why? Why was he there? The way he took his toy out of that box, it was like he didn't want me to pack his things or maybe he just didn't understand what I was doing with them. So instead, I found myself straightening his room up, dusting off the bed and stuff, and then...he was there again. Right by his bed. Again, he said 'when's mommy coming back.' and then he got distracted by his tent fort that he and I built out of chairs and sheets and he ran into it."

"His smile...Jo it was so real. He even had the little chip in his front tooth from when he tripped over that same divot in the backyard that you tripped over. I...I just kept staring at him ya know? His baby blues sucking me right in. I used to also call him little boy blue, you know, the nursery rhyme? I would read it to him from one of his books that had a collection of all the old stories. You know, I don't see one ounce of Liz in him, strangely, I never did and his blue eyes, I thought he got them from me....that is until I was told he wasn't mine. I would look at him more often after that, wondering if he looked more like his father because I couldn't see myself in him anymore. Crazy to think I ever did when his blue eyes are of Jason's."

"He's your son, no matter what Lee. I mean, look, he comes to see you, not Jason. He sees you as his father and you are and always will be. He don't even go to Elizabeth, just you. Well, unless he really did cut her seatbelt because he knows what she did."

"But then why was he asking for her like he missed her?"

"I...I don't know baby, I wish I had all the answers. So, him asking for her, is that what you were talking about? That you knew what he meant and that he knows?"

"No...no...I mean, I thought that's what he meant then, until now....I...I crawled into his fort to see if he was still there...and he was, playing with some toys."

Lee's emotions were building as he closed his welled eyes and had to place his hand horizontally over his mouth.

Immediately, you pulled him down to you and held him so tight, laying your cheek against his. His arms reciprocated so fast and he held you even tighter.

"Heyy my beautiful sweet guy. You can take a break. There's no rush. I am not going anywhere, I promise. You can even stop completely if you want to."

His whimpered warm breath grazed your ear. "No...I...I need to tell you this...now. Jacob...he wants me to...You'll understand why in a minute."

You kissed his lips softly, then his forehead as you stroked his hair before he released you and resumed his supernatural story, although his hand still clung to yours.

"I watched him for a few moments while he played with his dinosaur figure and wooden train engine that I carved him as a birthday gift when he turned 4. And then I asked him if he knew why he was here. He said because he lived there as he continued playing."

"I then asked him if there was something he wanted or needed. He said...he said..."

Lee choked up and sighed heavily. "He said it was me that needed something before he rode the train back to his papa and mama. I asked him what he believed I needed and he said....you. He said you make me happy and him happy and then he randomly asked again about Liz, when's mommy coming back? I remember smiling at his words about you, but at that time, I thought you may never come back to me so I told him, I'm sorry monkey but I think it will just be me and you for awhile buddy."

"He said...'No. Mommy will come back. She's just afraid.' Can you believe a 5 year old little boy said something so grown up?" Lee aid as he lightly chuckled. "So...I told him that mommy did some not so nice things and wouldn't be coming back. I didn't know how else to explain it to him. I mean, I'm seeing a fucking ghost Jo. My son, he's a ghost. How do I make him understand, ya know? About what Liz really was and still is. But the thing is, that I realize now...he wasn't talking about her. He then said 'yes she will. The nice lady who loves you. She's family.' And then... he just... looked at me....and I just looked at him in confusion...and then, he was gone again."

"My god Jo, he was talking about YOU. I thought at first that when he said family, that he meant that he saw you in that way, and I believe that to be true but now I also know it was because you ARE family. He knew, he knows you are his aunt but...I think he sees you as a mother figure, even when he didn't even know you in life. He came to me at the same time you were finding all that out...God, this is all so damn crazy that I can't even wrap my head around it! I mean, what are the odds that you and I were brought together??? And you finding the bracelet I lost that he gave to me and you saving my fucking life when I had given up all hope. It was him, it was ALL him. That's why he is here Jo. For us. He wants us to be together. Look how that song came on in the kitchen that night we danced and almost kissed. The fucking radio was not even plugged in! And the windows blowing out in Liz's presence as we argued...He knows what she did and my god, that evil sadistic bitch fucking knew all along that Jacob was Jason's...and I...can't even speak about her right now because I want to tear her head off.... and...ALL that wasted time, if you and I had only met sooner...we all could have been a family Jo, you, me and Jacob and he would possibly still be alive because I would have left Liz in a heartbeat for you and we could have taken him from her. You could have been his real mother. You could have had the child you couldn't have...and it would have been with me and....and...."

Lee was so worked up at this point that he became very distressed.

"Now that I've seen him, I'm afraid if I leave that house with his things and don't go back, I'm never going to see him again!"

He then began to heavily sob and now you were too. You reclaimed him in another embrace and you just held him and gently rocked him, as if you were dancing again. Now you knew. Your fears had been chased away. Lee was not going to leave you and he had confirmed that by his wishes that you all could have been a family. God how you wanted that with him. He was your forever, til death shall you both part.

"Lee, I am soooo sorry for what I have put you through today when you were holding all of that inside. God, this hurts so much that you're hurting like this. You're right though. I believe he is here for us. He is team JoLee." you laughed and sniffled as you gently wiped his tears from his broken eyes. I remember that nursery rhyme very well. i don't know if this will make you feel any better or worse but I feel it's another sign. My aunt Olivia, my mom's youngest sister who I would call Olive because I couldn't say her name right, used to watch us kids when we were little while mom and dad worked and she read that to Jason and even called him that too."

Lee actually smiled as he was now starting to relax, for you were truly the only one that could keep him grounded.

"It does make me feel better because it's all part of our story, our destiny, Jacob's too. You...you always make me feel better. No matter what I am going through, you make it all go away with your witchy magic spells that I have helplessly fallen under. Team JoLee huh? I love it...I love you...so fucking much. If you only knew."

"I do know." you softly squeaked as you tenderly traced his bottom lip with your thumb.

"The first time....ever I kissed your mouth..." Lee softly sang in a whisper and then brought his lips to yours.

It was done. The desire, the longing and out of this world love for each other eliminated everything else as your lips pushed firmly back into his. Lee's arms locked around your back and he he lifted your feet from the ground, holding you against him as he trailed butterfly kisses down your neck as you kicked your boots free. Once they dropped, Lee took one hand and grabbed behind your thigh, pulling your leg up his side as he backed you through the air and against the wall. Your other leg then followed suit and clasped with your other one behind his back in which he groaned intensely as he instantly grinded his solid length over your entrance that dampened your thin leggings.

Your fingers found his shirt buttons and undid them in a swift perfect sequence until his bare sculpted chest was exposed to your wanting hands. You gazed at his beauty as your palms ran down his pecks and over his rippled abs that sucked in to your touch followed by his deep gasp of yearning. His lips came back to yours, your tongues making love as you glided his shirt down his arms, letting it flow to the floor. Your shirt was next and then your bra. A heavy sigh released his lips as they found your aroused nipple while his hand graced your other breast with a soft caressing motion of his thumb.

You then unhooked your legs and stood up for him to yank your pants down and clean off. He buried his face into your stomach, kissing every inch, working his way down until you felt his tongue delve between your folds with a long slow lick from bottom to top, sending a sonic boom through your core as he grazed over your bud.

Your head arched back and your fingers dove through his locks as he teased a swirling flicker over the highly sensitive spot. Suddenly, his arms bent up under your thighs and you were lifted and held firmly in a leg spread seating position by his muscular limbs as he knelt on the floor with his palms planted on the wall and then...his tongue thrusted into you, dancing about in your heated taste. The combination of his darting plunges and bellowing moans broke your unstable dam, sending a flooding rush of climatic pulsating waves over him.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! God Leeeeeeeeee!!!"

Your scream was so insanely high pitched, you wouldn't be surprised if Lee's distant neighbors heard it. His back heard it alright as your nails dug right up his shoulder blades.

"Damn baby." he panted as he licked his lips and smiled up at you with a curled pouty lip, then let your shaking legs rest on the ground while he still supported you, or you would have fallen smack dab on your ass in your weakened state.

"Hold on to me." he quickly said and hoisted you onto his lap, then stood up as you squeaked out a giggle. Lee then carried you to the couch and gently laid you down, unable to move for a moment as he took in the radiant vision before him. The vision of him was quite mesmerizing as well as he stood above you, shirtless and the head of his seeping cock breaching the waistline of his jeans.

Watching him remove them was another joy all in itself, causing your core to relight like a match strike. He lowered himself over you, kissing you deeply and passionately, letting you taste yourself as he took his knee and pushed your leg up, then without warning, Lee thrusted into you, ripping your mouth from his as a squealed gasp came powering out.

Your wetness allowed him to fill you up instantly and he wasted no time rocking into you hard and steady with his foot propped on the floor and his other one stretched out down the couch. His arm slid under your other leg and pinned that one up too, bringing every inch of his straight to your sweet spot with his grinding sways. His bursting gasps and groans were in sync with his magical movements, bringing you both over the edge together.

"Leeee...I....oh my...g..god..." you cried, bucking your hips up like a rabbit.

"Jo...fuck...J..Jo baby...ah...ahhh...AHHHH!!"

He slammed against you, his hips vigorously jerking, his arms flexed and shaking profusely as he released into your release. The magic this man had to easily unhinge you in such ways was like no other ever had or could. He was meant for you and you for him...forever.

Lee kissed you tenderly, toying with your hair as you stroked his perspiring face.

"I'm sorry about today." he whispered.

"I'm not." you replied and smiled, making him smile and kiss you again, then you both shared a a gaze of looking into each other's souls.

"Jo...I did not wait for you. I wish I had but I didn't know you were coming. When you walked into my life, I didn't know it was you because I didn't know there was a you. You were never a list, a goal, or an expectation, only a dream. You were a surprise, a gift, an adventure, a beautiful new beginning to a story I never thought I'd have. As cheesy as this might sound, you complete me. I was empty before I found you."

"Right back at ya babe."

Lee chuckled, as did you, at the short but meaningful phrase you and he always spoke, then he kissed you again and got up, handing you a blanket.

"How about some dinner and music my girl. I'll go see what I have on hand to whip up. At least we got it right this time and made love first so the food don't burn like the last two times."

You wrapped up like a burrito in the large plush material as you laughed at his remark.

"Mmm yes please, I'm starving. Lee?" you called to him before he left the room.

"Yeah beautiful?"

"You don't have to leave or sell that house if you don't want to."

Lee softly smiled in awe of your understanding. "God I love you."

He blew you a kiss, clicked the music on and went to dress, then make dinner as you laid there for awhile in the afterglow of his love and during that time, you fell asleep with your relentless nightmares returning.

"Have you successfully picked up the package?" Craig asked into his phone as he steadily stared at one of his unfinished art pieces due to his lack of inspiration.

"Good. Bring him up." he continued in a wicked tone and hung up, then sipped his wine while anticipating the arrival of his guest.

The door opened and in stumbled an extremely agitated Ethan being shoved by Craig's men. Corinthos may have been his Kingpin employer, but Craig handled his own business in his own way.

"What the fuck Parker??!!" Ethan reeled when he saw the calm and cool Kiwi enjoying his usual blood red vintage paired with the eeriness of dried paint on his hands resembling the same murderous hue.

"Well, here comes the blushing bride...or should I say groom, one of them anyways."

"What the hell are you talking about and why am I being drug here and man handled by your thugs??!! I don't have any business with you!"

"Oh on the contrary, yes you do. Man handled, that's kind of your thing yes? And thugs? Hmmm, pot calling the kettle black don't ya think? Considering what you are? Don't be rude now. They can hear you." Craig quipped as he gave the two brawny men a grinning glance.

"Cut the witty bullshit Parker. It's like nails on a chalkboard and it would seem you're the one in black, taking over Jason's role. The new, but not improved Stone Cold wannabe. You're no better than me."

Craig sat motionless with a locked on predator glare at Ethan as he gritted his teeth, wanting to paint him red for knowing of his part in Jason's hit, but he couldn't reveal that he knew. As far as Craig being like Jason, he was in one particular way. He could be just as stone cold as him. Stone Cold Jason Morgan, a well deserved epithet given to him by the moniker making Damion Spinelli, a geeky, undetectable computer hacking genius and loyal, good friend of Jason and Craig's who aided Craig in this little treasure hunt.

"Jason's name will never cross your lips in my presence again or I'll remove them with a box cutter and display them on one of my art pieces. And as far as you are concerned, that is where you are wrong. You see, you and I are not the same. The reasons for my madness are for the greater good where is yours are solely that of being both a masochistic and sadistic piece of shit. So now, let's get down to business. You're stinking up the place."

Craig went over to his desk, put his glasses on as he sat down and searched for something.

"Now where is...ahh yes, here the little sweet bit is."

Craig picked up an envelope that was sitting in clear view on the edge of the desk, for if there was one thing he enjoyed doing, it was toying with people like Ethan.

"Here ya go. This will probably be worse than nails screeching down porcelain enameled steel." Craig daunted as he eagerly handed his dug up skeletons to Ethan with confidence.

"What is this??"

"Well, unless you're psychic, you'll have to actually look at it."

Ethan pulled out the single 8 x 10 folded paper and began to scan it. As he did so, his chocolate eyes slowly widened. Craig then walked over to the coincidental chalkboard that hung on his wall and ran his nails over it, Freddy Krueger style as he leered at Ethan with an ominous raised brow while chanting a one liner from the notorious Elm street tune..

"One, two, Craigy's coming for you."

"H..how did you know..."

"How did I know about that little tidbit of juicy info?? Well...you can thank my ex ball and chain for that, for she told me something long ago about you, knowledge that I believed to be totally useless to me at that time, but you know Beth and her big mouth, always blabbing people's business and always sucking your cock with it, etcetera etcetera."

"Now hold on a..."

"I'm not finished." Craig snapped, then sat in his painting chair and continued his taunting tale with great satisfaction.

"Seems you have a big trap too and should be more careful what you relay to loose lips Lizzy and believe me, there was completely a pun intended there. Anyways, I suppose since her and I had just gotten hitched, she thought she would share your happy news as well of how you married HER ex and then he filed for divorce soon after. What was the matter, you couldn't get it up? They have drugs for that you know? SO...recently, it all struck my urge to go digging through the dirt since I now know who your ex is. You see, slugs like you always leave a slimy trail. But that's all irrelevant really. What matters here is that I found out your dirty little secret that you kept hidden after the fact."

"What do you want? Why the fuck are you doing this?? This has nothing to do with you."

"It's always the same old questions, what do you want, why are you doing this blah blah blah. To be clear, it has everything to do with me, maybe not directly, but hopefully your measly mindless brain will soon catch on. Does the name...Josephine March ring a bell?"

Ethan's eyes rolled up from the damaging document to meet Craig's dilated devious ones.

"What does that little whore have to do with this?"

"Easy..." Craig snarled though his clenched teeth as his entire body stiffened up like a cat ready to pounce.

"Ohhh...I get it now. You know her because of Ja...umm...her brother. You're just another sucker that's fallen under her spell. So again, what does she have to do with this?"

"For a second there, I thought the light came on but it would seem there's an electrical short somewhere most likely due to your man bun being too tight. Let me spell it out for your grade school mentality. I learned that your ex is her man and that you're terrorizing her. She's off limits to you from here on out. If you even so much as look at her, I'll be there....and I'll gladly offer this info to her boyfriend...whom according to one mysteriously missing document...is still your husband. A divorce certificate that does not exist. It all just vanished, poof, into thin air, along with any records of Lee's filing and by whom? After some light digging, it would seem it's none other than your big wig attorney, one E.J. Dimera. Yeah, I know about his dealings with you and your butt buddies, the Zacharra's. Everyone in Salem and the entire state of Massachusetts clear to Boston know what the Dimera's are capable of accomplishing. How many zeros did you pay for it all to go away as if it never happened? I mean, I am sure a judge must have finalized it with his signature and seal of the courts so Lee had a copy. Is the judge in your pocket too??? And better yet, what I can't wrap my head around is what exactly are you hoping to gain out of going to all the trouble? Are you that pathetically desperate just to keep a man bound to you that don't want or love you?? Are you saving the little time bomb for some opportune moment of some sort?? If you think he despises you now, well...I think you can see how it will all play out if he learns the truth. Such as, say...he tries to get married again. This only prolongs the inevitable. What is this all going to DO for you?"

"You can't prove any of this. It was obviously just carelessly overlooked. Maybe Lee forgot to file with all he was going through because I was never even served. Simple as that."

"News flash. Avoiding being served, which is what you did, does not stop a divorce. And fucking please, is that how you're really going to try and get out of this with that dumb ass explanation?? The good doctor did not forget something of such importance. He was too determined to end it before it ever began and he's far too intelligent to make such a mistake. I guarantee you he has copies of everything after he filed, including the final decree but of course he probably never thought he'd actually need to prove anything because things like this only happen in books, movies and soap operas. More importantly, the courts don't just carelessly overlook these things. Not without a hefty bribe or blackmail from someone of high threatening stature, which is where we once again come back to E.J.. Simple...as...that." Craig retorted as he nonchalantly multi-tasked with organizing his art supplies to distract his intense urge of having Ethan take a swan dive off the roof.

"You really shouldn't go around tossing those kinds of accusations about someone like E.J....."

Craig's cocky laughter cut Ethan's words short and only proved even more to him of Craig's fearlessness and that he was up shit creek without a paddle.

"Someone like E.J. Ooooo I'm shaking in my ass kickers man. How bout this? I'll just give the good old Englishman E.J. a call and accuse him myself then. I'm not a pansy ass coward like you are....obviously. I'll also be sure to let him know that you ratted him out as well. Three, four, better lock your door." Craig jested, trying not to smile as he turned around to face a confounded Ethan.

Ethan momentarily dropped his head, knowing Craig had him by the balls, but kept on with his lame argument.

"Again, you can't prove it. There's no trail. You have absolutely nothing."

"The wheels on your short bus go round and round, yet you still can't comprehend that I DON'T NEED TO PROVE IT! The proof is all right fucking there in black and white, a marriage certificate that has no supporting divorce decree ANYWHERE and THAT PROVES your farce of a marriage is not legally dissolved, which is all that really matters here and it's all that WILL matter to your clueless hubby. I'm not out for E.J. unless he gives me a reason to be and I'm not looking for legal action upon you, I mean, you and I both know things don't get handled legally in our world. Simply comply with my terms. Stay the fuck away from Jo or Lee learns the truth and goes all Satan on you. Five, six, grab your crucifix."

"Ok, enough man. You ask what's in this for me. Well what the hell is in this for you Craig??? Josie will never want you if that's your end game somehow. First of all, she's so fucking far up Lee's ass and vice versa that nobody can tell where one begins and the other ends and second, what do you think she will think of you if she knows you kept this information from her just to torture me huh??"

"Now see, that's none of your concern because SHE is none of your concern anymore. It's not to torture you, you self-absorbed Shirley Temple haired sleaze! My end game is simply to keep her safe from the narcissistic likes of you and that's ALL I care about. The last thing she needs right now is to know about this, which I just know you're itching to tell her. I mean, I COULD just do her and Lee both a favor right now and wipe your ass all over this floor and then have my men dispose of you down in the boiler room where your dying embers will forever remain, which THAT don't only happen in movies, BUT..." Craig sighed. "Karma wants and deserves that honor more than I do."

By karma, Craig was referring to Jason. As bad as he wanted to make good on his threat, he would not deny his friend the long awaited and carefully planned take down of Ethan Bloom, just as Ethan and his goon guild had done to Jason. But the fact that Jason was biding his time in doing so was getting under Craig's skin because it allowed Ethan all the more time to torment you and he wasn't going to allow it to continue, even if he knew he was going about it the wrong way by keeping Lee's marital status a secret from you, especially when he swore to you he would do everything in his power to earn your trust back. It didn't matter though really. Craig knew he would never have you, but what ever feelings he had developed for you still made him want to keep you safe.

"Karma wants me huh? Well, aren't I getting that now? I will say, I do like the part about you wiping my ass all over this floor. Maybe we could come to some...agreement. I could enjoy that." Ethan stupidly offered with a sly grin as he randomly envisioned a shirtless Craig holding wolverine claws due to all the Freddy talk.

"Did....you just...fucking hit on me????? The only hit you ever send in my heterosexual direction better be the kind that fucking kills me. I'm into God given tits and warm cherry pie, not a shit stained cock that even your precious Lee didn't want anymore!" Craig fumed as he picked up a long and thin paintbrush, then rushed over to Ethan.

"I can only imagine this when I look at you! This...this isn't a cock. It's like your limp little dick!" he then loudly raged with every bone and vein protruding from his neck as he held the brush up in Ethan's face.

"You talk a whole lotta smack about dick's for someone who claims they don't swing that way. Why don't you just kill me instead of all this huh?? I can tell when someone is afraid to leave the closet and..."

A gasping grunt was heard as Craig grabbed the back of Ethan's neck and hurled him across the floor with one swift shove, then he graced Ethan's gut with a hefty football kick.

"You audacious little fuck. If I was ever into men, I still wouldn't touch you even while wearing a fucking hazmat suit!! Now get the fuck out of here before I shove this paintbrush so far up your dick hole, you won't need Viagra anymore! You're the one who should be afraid. Seven, eight, better stay up late. Nine, ten, never sleep again!!!"

Craig then sat back down at his desk and put his glasses on as his flushed face slowly regained it's natural tone. He then looked over at his lackeys, becoming highly annoyed.

"Why are you still here??? Get him the fuck out of here! Out the back."

Once Ethan was removed from his sight, Craig resumed his wine consumption as he cranked his music, wishing to release his frustrations out on a new canvas. As he stood, staring blankly at the white board, trying to take your advice and find inspiration through his daughter, nothing came to him as usual. So, in his anxious state, he headed out to his terrace with a new bottle of wine and drank his frustrations away instead.

After Lee had dinner cooking in the oven, a quickly mixed up meatloaf and potatoes, he noticed you had fallen asleep, a vision he could look at for hours upon end, but he decided to pry himself away and go outside to tend to his small garden so he wouldn't do what he wanted to do instead, call Liz and cuss her ass out, although he wanted to do much much more than that. The rage he felt inside over what she had done to him and Jacob sent his mind spiraling to a very dark place and if you hadn't been there at that moment, he would be downing a bottle of Jack, then stupidly driving to confront her and most likely winding up in jail. Once again, you kept him grounded.

As Lee began to snip a few scarlet red roses, you were succumbed in a nightmare that seemed far too real to only be a dream.

You could hear a train's horn in the distance and the railroad rumble of the wheelsets nearing closer by the minute. Standing alone in the foggy dark night, you could see a blurry vision of the hospital cutting through the murkiness and the word 'emergency' lit up in bright crimson letters that flickered as if it had some kind of short.

"Lee!!!" you called out, your voice echoing into the night as you slowly turned in circles in your search for him but he was nowhere in sight. The pale moon was full and cast only enough light for you to see a few feet in front of you.

You felt the anxiety creeping over you as your voice became muffled out by the roaring but invisible locomotive quickly approaching.

"LEEEE!!!!" you screamed as tears flowed like a waterfall over your chilled cheeks, but no sound came from your trembling lips, only a cloud of your warm breathe escaped them into the crisp air.

You could suddenly see movement in the distance, shadow figures appearing within the mist. Faint laughing soon meshed together into howling cackles and they sounded so familiar.

Something touched you and as you spun around screaming, you saw Ethan with these steel razor like nails, wiggling them at you and then another touch was felt, a hard poke in the rib cage of your back. Spinning around again with a squealing gasp, there was Elizabeth, holding a knife. Both had you sandwiched and both were glaring at you with terrifying frozen full toothed grins, like something out of the movie Smile. You were then touched again on the back of your leg and as you spun around once more, this time you saw the blinding light of the train. Ethan and Elizabeth squinted and ran as if they knew what was coming and then, there was a tug at the hem of your shirt. Gasping, you jumped back a step to see.....Jacob with the train's light glowing all around him like a fiery eclipse.

"Don't be afraid Mommy. Daddy likes to ride trains. It will come soon."

"J...Jacob?? What...what is happening?? Where...where is Lee?"

Jacob gazed at you in silence with his big blue eyes, then turned and walked away into the light to stand beside someone. A very tall someone who's face became visible, also from the train's light....it was Lee.

What sounded like a crack of thunder exploded through the air, only you soon realized it was not thunder, but the familiar sound of a gunshot and you then saw Lee holding his bloodied abdomen just under his ribs in which he was staring down at in confusion. He then raised his head, releasing a sharp gasp and looked directly into your eyes, his brows furrowing.

"Who are you?" he whispered.

The train horn blared again, so deafening you had to cover your ears as you screamed for Lee once more and then... you woke up screaming his name for real.

Lee came racing in the door and came to a surprised stop as he saw you standing there, partially wrapped in your blanket and crying and shaking like a leaf while looking as if you had seen a ghost. And in your quivering hand was a steak knife.

"Baby...you alright??" he calmly asked, hiding his fear for your sake as he slowly approached you and carefully reached for your hand.

"Jo, sweetheart...It's me...Lee....I don't know what's happening..but... can you give me the knife baby?"

Your gaping eyes darted down to the knife that you didn't even realize you were holding, nor did you recall picking up.

"I...I...I...I....I..." you sputtered. "I...don't...I don't know where I got this...or...or how...I got..."

You paused and gulped in panic as you dropped the knife and leaped into Lee's arms, whimpering and clutching him like a vice grip.

"Shhhhhh....shhhhh baby. I've got you. Sweetheart, you were asleep on the couch when I went outside. I...I think you may have been dreaming. I..I heard you scream for me. Do...you remember?"

You planted your eyes shut as you cringed.

"Uh..huh....E...Ethan...E.E..E..Eliz...they...were...I saw them....I saw them and...I saw you an an an an and J..Jacob...A train...blood...oh god, Lee, let me go, I think I'm going to be sick."

You slapped your hand over your mouth and ran up the stairs, tripping over the blanket and then you just dropped it and kept going.

Lee stood there for a moment, quite befuddled as he gazed into the living room where you had fallen asleep. There, on the coffee table was a plate with an apple core on it where Lee had sat the day before, cutting up his favorite fruit up with the knife that now laid upon the foyer's floor. He then could hear you gagging and bolted up the stairs.

"Jo! Babe...can I come in?" he asked in concern as he tapped on the bathroom door of his bedroom.

You began to cry so he hurried right in to find you huddled up on the floor beside the toilet.

"Heyyyyy sweet girl." Lee softly and sweetly whispered as he knelt down and stroked your hair from your face. "Talk to me. Are you alright?"

"I...I think so now...I...god I'm sorry. I feel so stupid."

"Nope. No feeling stupid. Something scared the hell out of you and that's nothing to feel stupid about my love. Come on. Take a hot shower and relax, gather your thoughts. I'll wait right here in the bedroom for you so you feel safe and then we can go downstairs and you can tell me about your dream while we eat. Yes?"

His smile....god you could never resist that, especially this one, the soft closed lip grin that had a slight upward slant on the right side.

Lee wrapped his arms around your waist and lifted you up to stand, kissing your forehead upon completion, then he leaned into the walk in shower and turned the water on.

"There baby, plenty of soap and shampoo in there. Take as long as you want and need. I'll lay on the bed and read out loud so you can hear my voice. I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you and I'll help you through this like you always help me. I...I won't let you fall."

You kissed him long and soft as you held his face, then entered the sizeable shower.

You stood motionless under the hot steam, now remembering ever bit of the day terror. You've had your share of nightmares in your 30 years but never one quite like this, so realistic, so vivid. Was it Jacob? Did he visit you with a message? Jesus christ, was Lee in some kind of danger? How would you tell him about it??

Your mind raced with all these thoughts as Lee's voice of beautiful words danced around them, making it all go away. Of course, you had to cover your mouth as you burst into laughter over what he was reading. It must have been one of Jacob's books.

"How do you spell love Pooh?" Piglet asked.

"You don't spell it Piglet, you feel it." said Pooh.

You walked out to Lee while towel drying your hair to see him propped against the headboard with his cute wire rimmed reading glasses on and his legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles with one of his button down shirts at his feet, most likely for you to wear.

Lee had been in the middle of reading when his words were abruptly interrupted by the sight of your bare form before him. You had to giggle at him lowering his glasses down his nose to view you in his state of awe.

He flipped the book up through the air and whipped out of bed to scoop you up into a swing around, making you squeal in laughter.

"God you are sexy as hell." Lee raved and then kissed you deeply. "Now, with that said, I suggest you put that shirt on or I guarantee you dinner will burn again."

He watched you with great resistance and a half smirk as you slipped the way oversized shirt on that came down to your knees, but to you, it was a perfect fit once you rolled up the sleeves.

You and Lee shared more wine, a white one this time as you devoured three helpings of the mouthwatering meatloaf and potatoes, for the only thing you had eaten in the past twenty four hours were Orlando's piece of toast and two bites of your ham sandwich. Once you had finished, Lee started a fire in the living room as you slipped on your leggings due to the chilly evening and then you cuddled on the couch with a blanket and wine and Lee's arm of safety around you as you then reluctantly told him all about the dream.

Once you had gotten it all out, you gazed up at him with welling eyes.

"Please...please Lee. Stay away from Elizabeth and as hard as I know that it is for you, please don't tell her or anyone even that you know the truth about Jacob's paternity. She only told Jason as far as I know and if she knows you know, she'll figure out he's alive and she'll run to Ethan about it and it will ruin whatever plan Jason has and it will even put him in more danger. As mad as I am at him, I don't want him to die for real. Just please, for now...promise me you'll stay out of it all. I..I know it was just a dream but I'm still scared nonetheless because I think Jacob was warning of something.... I...I can't lose you, I just can't. One week without you damn near killed me. Please promise me Lee!" you begged as your building tears finally flowed over.

"Hey, hey...I promise, I promise baby. I can do that for you to give you some kind of peace. All I really want is just to be with you, just like this and shut the fucking world out. Liz and Ethan, I believe, will be handled by karma and in the meantime, I will never ever let them hurt you." he sweetly assured as he wiped your tears.

"Here...I'll give you a symbol of my promise and my love for you." Lee continued and then reached over on the side table to pick up one of the red roses he brought in. He tore off a single petal and began to fold it into the shape of a heart as your hand laid gently upon his. Once he finished, he laced his fingers into yours.

"I think you can spell love." you told him as you peered up in his sapphire eyes. "For you just did with that beautiful heart."

Lee laid the heart petal down and pulled you against him where you laid your head over his own heart and listened to the distinct soothing sound that no other could match.

"How about a movie my girl? Maybe something funny or...romantic?" he said with the cutest smile.

"Ok. Anything that will keep me awake because I...I don't wanna dream any more."

"Well then...how about a Lord of the Rings trilogy marathon. There's some comedy in them and some love here and there."

"Perfect. My favorite movies are fantasy ones anyways and I love this one...the Hobbit too. You know? You'd make one damn sexy elf."

Lee bellowed out a hearty laugh. "Is that so? Even hotter than Legolas, Haldir or Thranduil?"

"Oh...waaaaay hotter babe."

"Mmmm. Alrighty then...I'll go make some popcorn!"

@redeemer46

[rinatic]

Want it | Kim Jungwoo

Pairing: nonidol!jungwoo x fem!reader | genre: friends to fwb (?), nonidol au | word count: 1800+ | warnings: making out, hard jungwoo, suggestive

I wish to touch jungwoo's lips with mine.

Oh to have this become reality, though it is not really a good idea because he seems to be in love with someone else, and kissing someone who's in love with someone else is just not a cool thing to me. And how did i knew he likes someone else? I don't see him often these days so he might be dating or something of that sort. But i think not seeing him often is good for me, because my desire to just smack my lips on his just grows stronger every time I see that idiot's face. 

And the reason behind it? I don't know, honestly. Do I have a crush on him or do I just want a taste of his juicy lips? I don't know either. 

I like him to an extent i guess, but i don't get how can a person be so oblivious, every time he talks or moves those fucking pair of juicy pink plump lips my eyes just settle on it. i zone out, my mind automatically thinks of dirty stuff, and I pay no attention to what he's blabbering about. 

And him being my roommate's best friend doesn't make it any better, it literally came to the point where i just avoid jungwoo when he hangs out with my roommate, the last time i pretended to be asleep, and that annoying idiot literally came into my room, whispered jokes into my ears because he was sure i wasn't asleep, and what did i do? I imagined his lips in my mind as he whispered. 

Fuck him, no one told him to be born with a pretty face, no one asked him to exist with this much beauty, the world will definitely be peaceful without him looking like this. It would've been fine if he was ugly, filthy thoughts wouldn't run through my mind like this. 

"Are you sure you don't want to spend time with us?" Jaehyun stood and leaned his body on the door. His arms crossed to his chest with an unreadable expression. Shit, did he come already? Did he just come out of nowhere? I haven't seen him for like a month and it's definitely a lot because I'm used to seeing him almost everyday. "I'm fine without your boring hangouts." I let out my tongue at him but he stayed unfazed, then raised an eyebrow at me.

"Y/n, are you hiding something-" 

"The snacks are delicious!!" Jungwoo barged in the room with his finger between his lips, licking the crumbs of what seemed to be hot cheetos. I rolled my eyes as i noticed how my brain is starting to focus on his finger being licked. 

Jaehyun's eyes settle on jungwoo's. "Did you hurt y/n? She doesn't want to meet you, see? She just rolled her eyes as soon as you came." After these words left jaehyun's mouth, jungwoo let out a laugh, i wasn't sure if it was a sarcastic one. "Hmm, you figured it all out quickly, you're her roommate after all." I can tell that jaehyun is shocked at how jungwoo admited it easily. I try to figure out what jungwoo but i definitely fail because this boy is just unreadable. What is this idoit planning? He takes a few steps till he stands in front of my bed, he sits next to me and faces me, then he puts his arm around my shoulder. "It's a silly matter, we'll solve it quickly and come to watch a movie together.." 

I don't know what Jungwoo wants to do with me, but his smile and earlier gestures were hard to ignore. Surely he smiles a lot and is a weird kid, but this time, he's kinda scaring me, really.

Knowing jaehyun, he won't insist on knowing what's going on, he hates interfering in others matters and he also doesn't like fights and confrontations, so he'll leave us alone, i guess this is what jungwoo wants? But why would he just suddenly create a nonexisting 'fight'? What does he want from me? 

"Okay then, just hurry up." With that, he shuts the door behind him, we both hear his footsteps fading away, in an instant, I find Jungwoo leaning in my direction, then he rests his head on my thigh, my eyes wide a little and I furrow my eyebrows at this sudden move.

He closes his eyes then stares directly into mine. "So… wanna makeout?" 

My body freezes and i nearly gasp at his words. "What..?" 

"Why surprised? Isn't this what you want? I recall seeing you glancing at my lips often" He keeps his bottom lip in place between his teeth as he stares into the ceiling. "Wait, why would I want to kiss you? How did- why you think i want to?" I grumbled, his eyes shifted to mine and his eyebrow raised.

"Y/n, you think you're so slick when you stare at my lips, but I caught you every time and you don't notice it." My cheeks felt hot, I immediately avoided the eye contact he tried to maintain. "You should've told me directly that you want to kiss those perfect lips of mine, or better, you could've kissed me, I'll always be welcome to grant your wish of kissing me." He added. 

Never in my life have I wished to die this bad. I definitely want to kiss you, Jungwoo, but I never expected you to be this direct, I thought you were always shy and pure. Who knew that this man can be two faced? He really gaslighted me into thinking he was a dumb angel who did not notice my 'sinful' stares at his goddamn kissable lips. 

How can he do this to me? Now I feel like a high school kid who got caught staring under girls' skirts. 

"I'm sure jaehyun is sick of waiting." As soon as I was about to get up, Jungwoo held my hand and sat up. "Why are you shying away now? Isn't this what you want?" His other hand caresses my cheek, I feel my face heating up as I see his eyes settling on my lips, he looks into my eyes again and smirks. "Don't feel bad, I want to kiss you too, y/n." 

He leans in and his lips part, laying his lips on mine, I never imagined his lips to be this soft. He carefully holds my face in place, I find myself kissing him back, moving my lips with his. I felt like biting him because of how good his lips felt so i bit his bottom lip, It felt like i was eating candy because of how tender it is, so sweet. 

But maybe this move of mine was wrong because after I did that, he removed his hands off my face and wrapped them around my waist instead, moving my body closer to his and at the same time he bit my bottom lip. i forget my surroundings as it gets heated. For a moment i wish for time to just freeze, so i can enjoy the taste of his lips more.

After a few seconds, he stops and takes a breath. Allowing me to have a good look at his face, how doll-like it is. Making me wonder how a human can be so perfect. "Woah, y/n, I thought I'll be dissatisfied, but you only made me want more." His fingers reach and touch my chin. He drew me towards him to kiss me again, but this time he used his other hand to move my body closer. I was almost on top of him, he supported his body with his hand while the other kept me in place.

His eyes were half closed, and so were mine. He nudged his nose against mine to tease me and I felt myself blushing again. It was crazy how I used to fantasise about this and now it's happening. 

Softly, his hand pressed on my cheeks making my lips part slightly, he slips his tongue inside and it touches mine. It felt ticklish at first, but as we continued making out, it became really hot. I feel like ripping off my shirt because of how hot the atmosphere here is. My nose picks on the scent of his hair, the soft peachy scent almost made me dizzy. 

It's funny how i didn't ask him why he disappeared for a whole month, but i feel like this makeout is the proper 'you're welcome', i did really miss him, but i don't know if he did.

Even though I was still thirsty for more kisses, I backed a little so I could take a proper breath. I can feel the soft tickle of his breath beneath my nose, a smile appears as he brushes my hair away from my face. "Why didn't you kiss me earlier, dummy, there could've been a big progress by now." He throws his head back with closed eyes and takes a breath, I notice the small tent that appeared on his pants. I look away and secretly smirk, hoping he didn't hear me slightly chuckling. 

He comes back to reality and looks at me. "I want more of you." He says

"You're being greedy." 

"Anyone who kisses those lips will be." 

I chuckle at his words, he sighs and leans in closer to kiss me agan. "Guys, is everything okay?" Jaehyun calls, we can see his shadow from the small space underneath the door. Jungwoo rolls his eyes. "Yeah! We're good!" He spoke like how his bubbly self would, completely different from the jungwoo i was just making out with. We hear the sound of the door handle, jaehyun enters with an uninterested expression. "I made some popcorn, come on, the movie is about to start." 

"Alright! We're coming." Jungwoo parts his lips and let out a small sigh. "Fuck you jaehyun, were were about-" 

"Shut up, your voice is so loud." I get up and he holds my hand as he gets up. I look at our hands then at him. "Why are you holding my hand?" 

"Felt like it." 

"Wait.. are you going to watch the movie like that?" I asked, looking at his pants then at his face again. Instantly after that, he closes the door and pins me against it, i slightly hiss as i felt pain in the back of my head "The only way to solve it is to fuck you right now." I widen my eyes at him. But he's not even shocked after what he just said, he's just grinning at me with scary half closed eyes. 

I gulp as i stare at his eyes, wondering if he actually means it. His hands caresses my shoulders, his cold hands cooled my burning skin a little "Come on, y/n, it's not that hard to decide." 

"Guys! The movie started!" I broke the eye contact as soon as i heard jaehyun. "We gotta go watch the movie, come on, let's not leave him al-" he kisses me softly then pulls away, a much creeper smile appears on his plump lips. His fingers touch my lips then moves to my cheek, pulling a few strands of my hair behind my ear, his fingers slightly touch my ear and it makes me shiver almost instantly. 

"Alright then, but you'll still have to do something about it." 

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls- Season 2, Episode 16, "There's The Rub", aka A Sheer Masterpiece of GilmoreDom, AKA The Gilmore Geller Mariano Trio, And Everything is Right With The World Until Forrester Shows Up, Part 4

I realized I’ve been spelling Dean's last name wrong all this time (it's only one R, not two) but I'm going to keep misspelling it on purpose because it's what he fucking deserves, frankly. You can find parts 1-3 and all other episodes I've recapped in my pinned post. Leggo.

All of the purest and most heartwarming episodes & scenes are the ones that take place outside of Shit's Hollow. Emily and Lorelai at the spa. The Bangles Concert. The time the Dragonfly Inn crew+ Rory and Emily went to a drag show. That time Lane and Rory went to Madelyn & Louise's party and Lane danced with Henry. Various scenes that take place at the mall. Rory's trip to New York City to see Jess (MY FAVORITE EPISODE). The time Jess, his uncle and his stepfather took him to see some naked mud wrestling (ah, family bonding).

It does not get any better than this, people. Let us all bask in this warm, peaceful glow, the smell of french fries, the sound of gentle literary debate, the absence of Dean, Lorelai and all of the other loudmouths of Shit's Hollow, who are safely (if temporarily) contained in secondary locations. *breathes in* Ahhhhhh.

Person: Hey ThoughtsWhileWatching, what day of the week is it? Me: Idk but I will never forget the weird way Milo held this can of salt

The fact that a friendship between Paris and Jess wasn't allowed to develop past this episode, in large part due to Dean Ruins Everything Forrester, was another one of AmyShermanPalladino's high crimes she needs to answer to. (and let's not even start on how a nice little friendship based on a shared interest in music could have formed with Lane but AmyShermanPalladino decided to make Lane salty at Jess for no reason until literally the last episode before he splits from Rory. I remember a scene in a later episode where Lane tries to run away to New York to meet up with her band but when she gets there she finds she's lost and in over her head I wanted her to get in contact with Jess so badly so she could have stayed with him or he could have helped her out. Speaking of salty.

He's so frigging cute, my heart hurts. Ow. The phone rings in the Gilly Girl household and this is one of the many times I wish I was still a GG virgin and didn't already know it was Dean the Serial Killer on the other end.

Someone who is already violating her boundaries by inviting himself over, knowing full well she wanted to spend the night alone, is totally going to double-super-duper respect-her-boundaries if she says no to this additional boundary violation. Asking her permission, that's rich. And Dean the Abuser totally won't triple violate her boundaries when he finds out her circumstances changed and she ended up spending her time with someone other than him. This is going to go just swell.

Oh god, she's still wearing the Quarter on a String and it's even uglier than I could have imagined! You can finally see it well in the harsh light of the Gilmore Kitchen. I still need an extreme closeup. D: I know you want to be alone but I just want to stop by for a minute and say hello. Actually, what I meant to say was, fuck you Rory, even though you told me repeatedly you wanted to be alone I'm coming over anyway because I'm an abusive piece of shit. R: But you just said hi.

R: But I look like a mess. I'm not pretty. You wouldn't recognize me. D: Fuck you I'm coming over.

Dean Forrester is a straight up horror movie villain or at the very least the villain in a bad Lifetime movie/cautionary tale about an abusive boyfriend. Gilmore Girls really is a 7 year long Lifetime movie. (for the youngn's, Lifetime Network was a tv network primarily targeting women, something akin to the current Hallmark channel, and although they had their share of wholesome movies like HC they also produced dozens of low budget movies about men who stalked and abused women) TWWGG's Memory: "Hey TWWGG, remember in 2020 when 4 years had passed since you had watched Gilmore Girls for the 1st time, and you wanted to watch it again during the pandemic, and halfway through the 1st season you said to your best friend, "boy howdy I'm glad Dean finally leaves after Jess and Rory start dating" and she said "I hate to tell you this but Dean is around untl the middle of season 5, and also Jess leaves at the end of season 3" and all the color drained from your face and your whole world crumbled to pieces?" TWGGG's Memory Replying to Her Memory: Yes. I remember.

This "Dean not taking no for an answer" is terribly frightening and disturbing. My skin just prickled. When you take into account the fear and sheer desperation in Rory's voice it gets even worse. I feel like I should be putting trigger warnings on these scenes or something?

But what? But why? FUCK YOU DEAN FORRESTER!!

Thats true, you're not ruining her night. You're ruining her life and you're ruining everything you touch. The sidewalk you're walking on doesn't even want your smelly shoes walking on it. You are Dean the Ruiner. You make this show unwatchable. I hate you. Look how proud of himself this motherfucker looks. "I just violated Rory's boundaries. I violated them so hard. I'm gonna barge into her house without her consent and yell at her in front of her friends. She’s gonna love me so much. I'm such a good Dean. Yeah." Dean's holding a bag of something that we're supposed to believe is a pint of ice cream. But this is Dean so it's probably a human head on ice and not ice cream. "Ice cream" is just serial killer lingo for "human remains."

[didasgomas]

Drown in your own sins

Day 7 of @augusnippets

Prompts: Waterboarding/Drowning/Choking

Content warning: Violence, homicidal drowning

Direct continuation of my day 3 snippet, so this one is also an important part of my story "Eyes Blue", an au for FOTD, a story written by @moonlightsmasquerade

Natural water - In almost all religions, water is seen as a gift that grants new beginnings and brings with it health and invigoration. Any natural sources of water were seen as symbols of purification, renovation, deliverance, fertility and abundance.

September 21st, 1977

He had found the note on the living room right as he put everything down from work, so now here he was, walking towards the empty docks in the middle of the evening at his wife's request.

James knew Maris and her brother followed some weird other religion and how that was sometimes why they acted a bit strange, but she had never done something so weird like this.

The fog got thicker and thicker the more he walked, but eventually, he spotted her, staring right back at him.

"Sweetheart, what's going on?"

"I found out, James."

"Found out...what?"

"About you and her."

He panicked on the inside. This wasn't supposed to have reached her. How could he ever explain that he simply never fell out of love with Hannah?

"Maris, please, let's talk everything out and decide on the best-"

"No."

The anger finally boiled over and appeared on her face, as she slowly walked towards him, index finger pointing accusingly.

"I'm not going through any of your terms. You've betrayed my trust enough and wasted too many of my years faking that our marriage was a good one."

Without warning, she punched him in the face, just strongly enough that he tumbled to the side.

"I'm going to make you fucking pay."

They locked eyes. Fear rushed through him like never before.

"You're- You're not going to push me into the ocean, are you, honey?"

"Oh no. I'm going to do something so much worse than just push you."

Before James could defend himself, she jumped at him, pushing them both off of the edge of the docks. He may have been older and taller, but she was stronger and faster.

A whole minute passed after they had both fallen underwater, the two of them obviously deep below the surface, as the ocean remained still save for the waves.

Finally, Maris resurfaced, breathing with difficulty and her legs stiff and starting to hurt. First thing after getting back home would be to take another tablet of acetaminophen.

Edlen had already helped her take care of the other woman, so maybe she'd get them a candy cane later as a sign of gratitude, but not right now.

She needed to empty her house out of everything that belonged to that pig, burn it, break it, whatever it took. To cleanse everything in her life of his past presence was the only way she could be at peace.

[3rddimension]

Here's a long boy all about the twitch stream angry moment, yes she is really upset at him and he instantly felt bad and got quite. But "yelling at him for two minutes straight" makes it sound more intense but yeah tensions were high for a bit. It's the 07/14/2021 stream (smosh showoff, confessions and meme review) specifically 12 mins from the end so at around 1h44min, I def recommend watching the full clip, Dept of Weird Sounds on YouTube didn't include it in the part 30 compilation but I think it should've been there since they were def dating by that point and it shows that they ultimately know how to deescalate things pretty quickly, stop pushing when the other is hurt and how theyre soft w each other after bickering, otherwise this could've been really bad because they were both hurt lol been wanting to talk about this one for a while but got the feeling that people haven't seen it since no one brings it up lol

They're playing Confessions and she comes up with a confessions and they have to guess whether it's true or false. C's decides her confession is "i regret not realizing my value when I was younger / having low self esteem in the past" and S jokingly goes "oh, fuck off!" and the room busts out in laughter but you can see the rest of cast is unsure whether to laugh or not because C wasn't laughing, so yeah she's scary and they don't wanna upset her aw. She didn't make it a big deal though and only asked him "do you regret that response?" when she saw he was laughing quietly in the back because he realized she wasn't amused.

The tension arises though when they're all unsure what to answer and S goes "I'm gonna be mad if you're gonna say that you don't regret your past becasue that was your journey and stuff" because he feels like that's a copout answer. And she doesn't like his response and almost threateningly (lol) goes "how would you feel about that?" he jokingly replies "I'm gonna be mad" which she ofc sees as condescending, technically she can feel however she wants to about her past and just because its a cliche answer doesn't make it untrue.

She reveals her answer and it's exactly as he predicted, so they lose. She doesn't regret how she felt in the past because it got her here, she yells "fuck you, I regret nothing bitch!" to everyone in the room (S knows her frustration is mainly directed at him and you can see him get flustered and red) then she specifically turns to S and says "and fuck you shayne! I am allowed to believe that" because it hurt her feelings that they were making fun of her potential answer before she said it esp s (her actual bf). But the rest of the "yelling" was really her talking to the room about why she answered that way and laughing about it w Damien, also crew and cast are laughing throughout so it doesn't feel as intense but those two were fighting for sure for a sec there. She was upset so she ignored him for a min as they cooled down and he was upset that she called him out like that in front of everyone and the stream, but very soon after you can see her looking at s through the stream monitor up top (since he was sitting at the top of the set behind her) and when she sees he has a pout on his face, she immediately feels bad, turns and says to him: "are you mad?", also because probably people in the chat were pointing out S is mad/embarassed. Anyway i love how as soon as she extended an olive branch to make peace he immediately is okay and laughingly explains why he thought she would answer differently and she understands that he wasn't trying to make fun of her and all is resolved, they go back to making each other laugh and be adorable for the rest of this very fun stream. Made me realize that's probably how they are, they get quiet when upset even after blowing up and then slowly reach out to apologize and they don't seem to hold the grudge for the rest of the stream, in fact they go out of their way to make each other laugh almost as a hidden "I'm sorry, I hated what just happened" in a way and that's so soft of them

HOLY SMOKE this is the most describe one out of all. lmao Here's also another one that anon sent in:

Omg the Confessions stream, tensions were high for a bit, but I love how after the bickering and before they made up, when C wins the game S is still the first to clap for her ever though he's livid and pouty. And you can see her briefly glance behind to see if he's clapping to check how upset he is lol And then for the rest of the last 10 mins of stream it's just them geving each other attention and making one another laugh

Just finished watching that part and I think it's not that bad like what another anon said at all. There's some tension behind it but they masking it like a lot.

[casketscratch]

I don't know what to call myself.

A lot of the other parts who are capable of taking and holding front and actually processing things have names. I am just... here. I just watch and pull threads together and make a story out of it. Sometimes we are so blurry and blended the question doesn't even occur to me, because I am whoever else is around when that happens, but sometimes it's just me and some sense of something even more omniscient and higher up than I am in the system, feeding me things to weave.

I am never not here. Some of the others have taken to calling me the Lightbulb in therapy -- because I don't turn off. Because I never switch out. Because I harvest some sense of continuity at the cost of constant hypervigilance and witnessing, or something, except I have the same amnesia we all do, so. It only goes so far.

But it feels like channelling, to be honest. I am just here to be a conduit for the rest.

Anyway. I don't really need to have a name for that. Let's go again.

CW for brief but vague self-harm mention, parts talk, references to abuse.

I don't know what's so easy about writing here versus other places. Something about it being largely anonymous but public, like if someone wanted to peek in here they could, and that matters somehow. I suppose it's a gentle way to lean against our compulsion to hide all the time. (And I know y'all see this, I appreciate you.)

We met with our therapist and he was really helpful in that gentle way he always has been, but I also couldn't tell you a single thing we talked about because for the first time Dragon fronted and held it. (The ONLY other time we have heard from him was when he fronted years ago and started cutting up our arm to prove to the host he existed and that this was all real. He is... unsubtle.)

We sort of careened from "oh god, what the fuck is happening" a few days ago into... just endless flashbacks. Just someone from that far away other side starting to shovel memories at us.

And there's something stabilizing in the knowing, for certain. We had never really remembered before. Flashes or blurry nightmares or really fragmented bits of them, yes. But most of it all turned into survival mode so fast there was no processing happening.

And now we know. It was trafficking and organized and torture to keep up from remembering, on purpose. There's no denial in the way. The memories are coming together and it's like slowly filling in a sketch. And, I mean, they suck. They really suck. But it's real and it happened, and we can finally say that and feel it.

For the longest time we could either remember the abuse from our stepdad, or our biodad. Either/or, never at the same time, never connected, and so when the biodad stuff started filtering through, the stepdad stuff just stopped. Stephan started wondering if he'd made it all up, even, if it was just a smokescreen to cover the deeper, actual trauma from the biodad, but it wasn't. It all came slamming back today in a way that's not just coexisting with the stepdad trauma, it's... clarifying it.

Knowing still feels better than not. There's something stable between us all for once. I don't feel like I'm just floating or existing. There's, like, logic to things, and the way I feel, and even to the pain in this body.

It's a kind of peacefulness I didn't anticipate.

Like: we never knew how our shoulder got so fucked up. But I have always remembered going to physio as a teenager, and the guy holding up x-rays of my shoulder, and staring at just how fucked up it was. It didn't dislocate but it migrated to a sort of permanent subluxation. It never hurt (it hurt like hell) and it never had an origin to being so out of place, I just thought I must have hurt it while shovelling one day, or something.

A friend, a historian and archaeologist, looked at those x-rays and compared them to the bodies of medieval torture rack victims she'd seen. And I was like, haha, what a weird thing to say! (I was super dissociated, switched, and an alter introduced himself by name to someone for the first time ever after she made that comment. She hit on something I was not supposed to think about, in hindsight.)

But that's the logic and connection thing. Suddenly it makes sense, because... that joint was pulled out of place, violently, more than once. And just knowing that makes me feel less fucking insane and crazy or like I'm making it all up or must be lying about how much my shoulder hurts all the time -- because I dissociate through the pain, too, so even talking about "this hurts" felt like I was lying.

And instead it's just: it hurts because it happened like that, and that makes sense, and that makes it okay for now.

I don't think I realized how constantly lost in my own head I was, always trying to navigate this double life of knowing/not. I think part of what I'm struggling to describe is just this slow cobbling together of an identity that isn't built on shifting sands.

Which I suppose is the point and part of why they call DID covert, it hides from itself as much as other people as a matter of survival, but man. Subjectively it is, as always, never quite like how the literature makes it sound.

[forlix]

hi! I'm back 🐼 and don't apologize, please, everyone has their hard days and weeks (even years sometimes)! I just hope you are good now and everything worked out fine!

firstly, I'm a real person indeed! and yes you do remind me of him somehow, idk maybe is the bubbly vibe or how sweet you are to everyone? idk, it just gives off lix's vibes and STOP!, you are not undeserving of it! you deserve all the great things that come to you! (also I'm not always the mom friend per say, but I'll def hurt people who hurt my friends type of person 🫣 also, PLEASE! Minho is my bias, this is too much! 🤭 but I wouldn't mind being the Minho to your Felix 👀🫂)

secondly, I'm always happy when people talk about going to international relations, it's so exciting! I finished my course a while ago, but I never actually left, I love it so much! I always loved non-governmental organizations, but after my exchange program I fell in love for real with the whole concept of War&Peace, my thesis was actually regarding how multicultural countries can be a blessing and curse depending on how you manage them, in the end it was about how the multicultural situation affects society, focusing a lot on the internal conflicts before, during and after the whole thing, so i I analyzed the rising and fall of the country viewing the multicultural aspect. sorry I'm rambling, but I just love to talk about it! I loved the course so much and all the people it gave me thanks to it, I honestly have such great experience about it, even after I had one specialization, during an MBA and starting my literature studies I met and became friends with such amazing people doing that course for the first time. I hope you have great memories of it!

lastly, it wasn't really a conversation per say, bc I'm a bit shy with people idk or don't feel completely comfortable (unless they are mean, then I'm their personal nightmare if I want to), but I did ask you to add me to the spy x family au taglist, I think I commented after a while you had posted saying you were gonna write it, and you said you'd add me to the overall taglist, so yeah, that's all, wasn't an ACTUAL conversation, but you were so nice regardless, either way, I'm happy I found you and your tumblr, I hope you receive as much joy and happiness you give us (⁠｡⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠｡⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠♡

- 🐼

first of all, WAHH YOU'RE REAL! AND WAHH YOU'RE THE MINHO TO MY FELIX! application accepted with unbounding enthusiasm hehe LOOK it's us ily and i would hold you in the palm of my hand any day

sticking the rest under the cut bc i wrote u an essay (so NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR RAMBLING i can't hold anyone else to any standards in that regard i am the No. 1 perpetrator of that crime)

you are SOOOOOOOO COOL. oh my fucking god. i've always been curious about ngos and i would love some more of ur perspective on them - what about them did you love? and what do you recommend are the best ways to get involved? that's definitely a bucket list item for me once i find a cause i'm passionate enough about

and war and peace!!! oh my god!! in the least weird way possible my interest in ir has always centered around conflict, so we have that in common for sure! the most impactful classes of my life were about modern chinese history, about how china became the nation it is today and the role it's come to serve in the world over time, and american foreign policy, basically about how the u.s. found a new way to royally fuck everything up with every international conflict it got involved in. both were so interesting and changed my world view in irreversible ways. my specializations are 'east and south asia' and 'social development and human well being' btw

your thesis sounds INSANELY cool. on the note of multiculturalness i've been reflecting on the united states as a country and its citizens as a population a lot recently 1) because of biden's active promotion and enablement of israel's war crimes and 2) because i just came back from spending three months in east asia so there's been a lot of comparing and contrasting to do in terms of lifestyle, culture, society, etc. idk if it would be too much if u gave me the thesis statement or primary argument or maybe even the abstract of your thesis bc i'm so curious about your thoughts on this. but also totally TOTALLY okay if not!!! i feel like i'm overstepping just asking sorry i'm letting my ir nerd get the best of me

and AH. I THINK KNOW WHO YOU ARE 💡 and you're so so fine, bb, you will never receive any pressure from me to come off anon or interact with me in any shape or form that you're not absolutely comfortable with. "unless they're mean then i'm their personal nightmare" LMAOOO AS YOU FUCKING SHOULD THAT'S ON QUEEN BEHAVIOR!!!! make that two. if anyone is mean to you i will Find them and Hunt them like a timber wolf awoo. mark my words

i'm the one who should be happy that the universe brought you to me, lovely! thank you for being you, as always; i'm reciprocating every ounce of your warmth and light in your direction!

[walkingstackofbooks]

TNG 6x10 and 6x11 Chain of Command, Part 1 & 2 thoughts (rewatching, so possible future spoilers for DS9 too)

I’ve temporarily paused my DS9 re-watch after 2x20 Maquis Part 1 to go through all the Cardassian episodes in TNG to get a better picture of the build up: 4x12, 5x03, 6x10, 6x11, 6x20 and 7x15.

6x10 Part One

Watching Jellico on 1.5x speed makes him even more aggressively brusque

I can't remember if Jellico's genuinely good at his job or if he's very, very bad

The trouble is, he wants people to work for him. Picard has people work with him.

Once again, I had kind of forgotten till I re-watched just how much I liked Picard

(I just looked up what the Ferengi was called to make my next comment, and genuinely hadn't caught on that he was Solok, who they were looking for! I was wondering why he was so dedicated to calling Solok extraordinary XD)

(Huh, another fun fact - Solok was supposed to be Quark, but DS9 was a few weeks too late in airing for there to be a crossover!)

Daimon Solok kind of looks like Pel?

I don't mind woman using their charm, and that ear stroke wasn't egregious as some... but still, I hate ear stroking ferengi to get your way with them

I cannot tell if Jellicoe is an idiot or very clever

"If the Cardassian Union truly wishes to discuss peace, they can send someone who can negotiate in a civilised manner." Fuck OFF, you're hardly being civilised!!!

Ok, so there was some strategy...

"Well, I'll say this for him. He's sure of himself." "No, he's not." Oh fuck, that's concerning

IT'S A TRAP

That gul looks far too pleased with himself

Action scenes are VERY silly on 1.5x speed XD

Ohhh the next one will be the torture episode right? 😬😬😬

6x11 Part Two

Oh gosh, I was not expecting him to divulge information like Beverly's involvement straight away!

Any action Picard took should be said to be his own, not on behalf of the Federation - Isn't that the defence you should be using?

Yes, it's nice Will's worried about his captain, but tbf the Federation shouldn't withdraw from the sector for Picard. He knew the risks.

Data in red is so damn weird

Madred's child just casually being there is so chilling. Jesus.

Cardassian history is interesting, once being a peaceful people with a rich spiritual life before the military took over

They've discovered the plan!

I don't trust this "you can go" routine

Ohhhh

Oh no

That is the way to torture him. Mention Beverly

Picard walking back to the chair is so similar to Sisko walking back the box in Paradise

Jeeez, the breaking of the egg next to Picard bald head sure is kind of visceral

"Ah! You called me Picard."... "You are six years old. Weak and helpless. You cannot hurt me." What a king!

Crew sticking up for crew :) Geordie pushing for Riker to pilot the mission. :3

This exchange though - go go go Riker!

>>Jellico: "Let's drop the ranks for a moment. I don't like you. I think you're insubordinate, arrogant, wilful, and I don't think you're a particularly good first officer. But you are also the best pilot on the ship.

>>Riker: "Well, now that the ranks are dropped, Captain, I don't like you, either. You are arrogant and closed-minded. You need to control everything and everyone. You don't provide an atmosphere of trust, and you don't inspire these people to go out of their way for you. You've get everybody wound up so tight there's no joy in anything. I don't think you're a particularly good Captain."

"Do I wanna know how close that was?" "No." XD

Ohhhhhh. Oh Picard. Oh, you poor poor thing. He's going to say five isn't he?

JUST IN TIME gosh it's weird being grateful for Cardassians

"There are four lights!". You hero.

"Welcome home, Jean-Luc... Just the way you left it, maybe a little better." Oh, fuck off already Jellico. Though thank you for being involved in Picard's rescue, I guess.

Immediately meeting with Troi, yes, good idea, you definitely need counselling

Oh, Picard <3

These are good episodes. Jellico is infuriating and it's harrowing to watch Picard, but it's a damn good story.

[prince-tulip]

Im so sorry for what I've done...im trying to be a better person, its just hard when all I want to do is fix everything ive ever broken. Trying to grow and understand these horrible illnesses, impairments or injuries, whatever life may throw at me. Its a journey im trying to bring to an end..i want a beautiful life..

The bitterness is something i still struggle with, maybe it plays into my life, more than i wanna admit, the guilt and shame i feel in those situations alone makes me want to die. The unrelenting feeling of emptiness topped with a conflicting sense of invalidation. God, it is so ugly to feel..disgusting completely. I am disgusted with myself. I have a need for filling roles for people that i feel obligated to fill, its about that shame. Its about not knowing how to let go what needs to be let go because you dont understand what letting go is. Its about not giving into nostalgia. Not seeking validation in something that can no longer give you that, not falling in to bad habits or abusing drugs, abusing alchohol, abusing, sex, porn, anger, depression, hate, impulsiveness, just things that hurt you..im trying to be clean..im trying to break free..theres a big picture im trying to paint, im focused on me and trying to just be good to others.

I can be alone, i can be who i need to be right now to find who i will be later. Im strong and steadfast. I love you, all of you, anyone who ever was there or will be. Past, present and future. Im coming to terms, one day.

The pain was real, its real. The realization of my wrongs are real, the achingly painful emptiness is real. I need to feel it and face it. Face the realization. The realization that i mirror othed people. That i don't give people boundaries or myself.

The realization of it all...how was i so detached, so careless...i can blame it on all i can but it doesn't mean i didn't do anything..doesn't take away from the false reality i was living in, that i didn't understand that it literally tore me apart, changed me to hurt loved ones, its as if i wanted to get to a point to where i was so crazy and so fucked up. Split personality, split reality, split fucking brain, filled with contradictions and fears, making any kind of decision is aweful, it makes me change as a person, like i will die or the worst possible event will happen, it is unrelenting. Theres so many ways that i didnt know how to function without living in destruction. Was it my bpd? Was it my autism? Was it my anxiety? Was it the cognitive distortion? Or was it whatever defense mechanisms i made up in my head?...why wasn't i a better person to people i truly love? Or am i just not a capable of living normally with normal relationships?

Im in deep pain and i can only try to be a better person from here..thats all i can do, there's not much time left. I could die tomorrow. Which i act scared in that regard but i also have always had a weird feeling of relief in the thought of dying instantly, anywhere or anyway, whatever time or place.

Selfish, i know. Its too easy right? If i always thought about how i deserve nothing but punishment then why would i wish to die? For that would just bring peace.

My brain almost undoubtedly would go "oh thank goodness now i don't have to make that phone call now" and laugh with a hint of irony. Nervous in way of course as well. For why shouldn't i be? For if there was a heaven or hell, I do not in the slightest know where i would go. Probably somewhere in between if i had to guess.

[kelvintimeline]

I haven’t watched Nart in ages tbh but I do follow people who have and I vaguely remember a minor discourse over sasunaru/narusasu/whocareswhosthetop being a Bad Ship™? Is it a problematique and toxique ship? I honestly can’t recall. I kinda shipped it as a teen tbh so I’m kinda shocked as I am the wokest anon on tumblr. I know you're biased and that's why I ask. Let's be biased together.

Oh, honey, that discourse was not minor. It was like a decade long war I did not engage in. Lots of people who shipped Sasusaku and Naruhina claimed that shipping SNS was a "mutually abusive" relationship and that you are morally bad for shipping it.

When I think... I think that misses the point? And the context of WHY it's being shipped.

Sasuke and Naruto's relationship is not healthy. But the point is that... it wasn't ever allowed to be. The well was fucking poisoned.

Their story is a tragedy.

It's about children who weren't taught love or communication but that problems are solved with violence and desperately, DESPERATELY hoping they can learn, together, to put feelings to words and to stop begging for each other with fists and jutsu and to finally be able to say what they have been feeling for years and years of aching.

It's about the intricate rituals that let them touch each other but only if it hurts. The entire shinobi system is built around breaking down kids so they can only ever crave pain and the fight. You watch them fight and you want them to heal instead.

Sasuke and Naruto's relationship is wanting them to better each other but being aware of all of the things standing in their way--Konoha's lies, Orochimaru's poisoning seal, the trauma... the fear.

Shipping Sasuke and Naruto is wanting better for them, always. It’s realizing their entire lives are crafted around violence and wanting them to find peace in each other.

They're different than the "abusive" ships where the "abuse" is hot or "fun to explore because “it’s dark." Their story is just... a tragedy that you hope finds a happier ending. Where the catharsis isn't death or more sadness but rather that they are able to overcome their fatal flaws instead.

So much of the "toxic" shipping people like me rail against reaffirm things like misogyny, racism, power imbalances, pedophilia, incest but Sasunaru skirts around all of that.

Sasuke and Naruto are equals, two sides of the same sad coin, who do not have power over each other to abuse. They just have all that rage and fear and hope. Their entire bond is defined by feeling so much fucking love and empathy that it scares them away (or in Sasuke's case, makes him think he has to kill Naruto... but he's never able to).

They idealize each other while also having painfully grounded understandings of the other's flaws, so you watch them think too highly of the other, then too lowly, and you want them to find that happy middle.

You don't enjoy the violence, you mourn the lost opportunity. You see them fight and ache knowing they don't have to, that they were forced to by powers far greater than their own.

Their circumstances are so, so removed from like... what people try to shame them for?

And I get why many people wouldn't be comfortable shipping them but it's just like... not what people think it is.

You're not reading Valley of the End Part 2 and enjoying the violence and thinking that's what makes them a good ship. It's not like Killing Eve or whatever where one stabs the other and that's their weird way of flirting or whatever.

Their violence is painful and terrible and it hurts you, it hurts them, it's something you want them to never do again. And it’s something you know they don't actually want to do but feel they HAVE to.

And the appeal of it is the idea that you can be profoundly fucked up by life and still have someone who wants to be with you, even when it's difficult, even when you push them away. Its just taken to an extreme because it's a story about child soldiers, so it's not as easy to do a 1:1 comparison to real life but like... that's all it is. It can't really be paralleled to real life violence. It’s just a sad story a lot of us have felt we have lived on some sad symbolic level when we’ve been afraid of being loved or felt like we didn’t deserve it.

[tinisprout]

Serendipity on a lonely night

Pairing: Jacob x gn!Reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt and Comfort, Fluff

Word count: 3,547

Warnings: mention of blood (once), some cursing, lmk if I missed something

Summary: After a bad breakup, two sad souls decided to go to a park to cry alone. Neither of them expects someone to intrude on their moment. Although they are strangers, they might make this depressing night just a little less lonely for each other.

Being cheated on sucks, but it hurt him a little bit more to find out on his birthday of all days. Jacob thought they were just going through a rough patch in their relationship, he truly thought they would make it out ok. Never did he expect to see his now ex making out with someone else. Angry and hurt, he didn't bother saying much to them and left. Going back to his apartment, he changes into his workout clothes and stuffs a handful of tissues into his jacket pocket as he leaves his house to go for a night run.

He ran as fast as he could, with abandon, looking like a mad man. He was so frustrated he just wanted to forget it all and move on. He knew he didn't need to keep a person like that in his life, but that didn't make it hurt any less. He went to the one place he thought no one would be at, the park. The man tried to slow his pace as his body came barreling at the bench, he threw his hands out to brace himself.

The impact hurt, but this new pain was a welcomed distraction. His chest heaved as he tried to catch his breath. He felt the need to vomit and so he crawled to the bush to do just that. He regrets not eating earlier as he retched up bile, burning his throat an egregious amount. Then came the booming sound of footsteps slamming on the ground from behind. Jacob hoped no one would come here he wanted to be a mess in peace, but to hell with it, he'll just leave after he finishes dry heaving, he thought.

Being cheated on fucking sucks, period. You didn't expect anyone to here and to your surprise there seemed to be a drunk man throwing up in the bushes. Maybe going out at night wasn't the best choice, but in the heat of the moment you wanted to cry alone, but it seems that wasn't in the cards. As your attention was diverted you tripped on absolutely nothing and your knees were the first to hit the ground, skidding on the pavement. Regretting wearing shorts, you propped your arms out ready to catch the rest of your body.

On your hands and knees, you were winded from running, your shoulders rose and fell rapidly. "Son of a bitch, that hurt." You bit your lip trying to hold it in this was not the place to cry, someone was here. You sat on the ground sick of it all, to hell with it, you were tired of holding back and used the pain in your knees as an excuse to cry your eyes out. Like a stream they came pouring out your eyes, changing the color of the ground.

"Um, are you okay?" 'Huh, is the drunk man trying to talk to me? He doesn't sound drunk,' you thought to yourself. Looking up at him without wiping your still falling tears.

"No," you continued to cry and you hoped that would be the end of the conversation. To your shock he offered you a tissue from his pocket and sat down, it seems he also started crying. Well, at least this man wasn't a threat. And so, you both cried not caring about the presence of the other. Both cries coming to a still as time passed, you both just sat there in silence for some time.

'This is embarrassing,' Jacob thought. When he saw the person in front of him crying, he didn't expect them to give a blunt answer when he asked if they were okay. Crying without a care, he wanted to do that, he was so tired of holding it in. Well, it happened already, there is nothing he can do about it. It seems the person in front of him was also thinking about how to get out of this awkward situation. "Why were you crying?" Yes, break the awkward atmosphere with an awkward question.

"I feel like that should be my question," you state, making a face.

"Oh well, I already wanted to cry and see you cry it kinda just happened."

"Well, I just got dumped after finding out I was cheated on, all on call. I didn’t believe them, thinking it was some cruel joke. So they send me a picture of them kissing someone else. I came here to cry my guts out, I didn't expect anyone else here."

"What a coincidence, me too. I caught my partner making out with someone else, told me they didn't love me anymore, on my birthday of all days. I ran here to get some fresh air and cry, but I guess I pushed myself too hard and ended up throwing up." He laughs at how pathetic he sounds. He notices you check your phone. 'I guess they want to leave,' he thinks while sighing to himself.

"I'm sorry that happened to you. Um, sorry if this is weird since it not happy anymore, but, happy birthday." The unexpected response made Jacob look at you, mouth slightly agape in surprise. Then he laughed, the look you made wondering if you might have said something wrong. His smile was captivating, the kind that most would do anything to see again. Who in their right mind would cheat on this man?!

Birthday wishes from a stranger at this moment felt nice. Jacob got up from the ground dusting himself off. He offered you a hand, "Thank you, I feel a little better now." You weren't sure why he laughed, but if he was feeling better that was good, he seemed to be having a shitty day. You take his hand as he pulls you up, as your knees bend you groan in pain.

"Crap, my knees." You looked down addressing the pain, there was dust mixed in with the blood. Judging on how you hit the floor, your knees we definitely bruised or at least were going to be later.

"Oh no, are you okay?"

"No," you chuckled at him asking the same question and you giving the same answer. The corner of his lips tugged up when he realized the same thing, he wanted to laugh, but his concern for the stranger took greater priority. Getting a closer look at it, it looked pretty bad.

"Can you walk?"

"Of course,... I just need to push myself." Jacob looked up and searched for the convenience store he knew was around here.

"Hey, you should get this cleaned up soon. There is a convenience store right over there, I can help you if you're ok with that."

"You know what, that would be greatly appreciated, thank you." He bent down a little so you could easily put your arm around his neck. The man supporting you relieved some of the pressure. With his help, you hobbled your way to the convenience store. Finally arriving he tells you to wait at the front of the store while he gets everything, saying it was on him as a thank you. It didn't make too much sense, but you weren't about to argue, so you took a seat at one of the free tables.

He quickly rushed through the store to get big bandages, two water bottles, Neosporin, and a small bottle of mouthwash. He wanted to talk to them earlier, but they were a lot closer and he knew his breath must have smelt rancid after throwing up. After paying, he quickly went to the bathroom and washed his mouth out with the water and mouthwash. Throwing away the evidence as he did a breath check, grabbing a few paper towels before he ran back to you.

"Okay, I'm done, sorry for the wait." You see him carrying a bag with a few things inside.

"You're good, a break from walking is fine with me," you offer up a smile and he smiles back.

"This is probably gonna hurt some, but I'll try to be as gentle as possible." Your smile fades as he gets down on his knees to meet your legs and you clench your jaw. He wet two paper towels and left two dry ones asking you to hold both sets. "Stick one of your legs out, please." Doing as you're told, he takes this opportunity to lift your leg till it's about parallel to your seat. He pours water on the wound and you jolt at the sensation as it stings your knees. Some water slides down your leg and he wipes it back up with his hand and flicks the water off his hand. "Wet paper towel please."

"Huh," you were absorbed by the movement of his hands on your leg, weird. "Oh yeah, here." He glanced at you for a moment, but he didn't question it. Setting your leg down he takes the wet paper towel and gently wipes away at the remaining grime on your knee.

"Dry one, please." 'So polite,' you thought, handing him the paper towel. He dries your wound and leg off, tossing the waste into the bag and he takes out the Neosporin and bandages. He smears the ointment on the cotton pad of the bandage, then smooths the bandage onto your leg. You two repeat the process on your other leg. "All done."

"Thank you." You slowly stand up, it still hurts for sure, you wanted to do something. "Alright, your turn buddy. You stay here I'm going to get something real quick."

"Huh, you don't need help?" He sees you struggling to walk and has his hands up ready to catch you if you fall.

"I'll be fine, just give me a minute." He doesn't push it and takes the seat next to your now empty one. He wonders what you could be doing. A few minutes pass and he hears your familiar voice. Turning to you he sees you now carry a bag. You see his eyes linger around the bag. You clear your throat, "I need you to close your eyes, you can't open them until I say." Jacob is a simple man and does not question them and follows through with the orders. He covers his eyes with his hands. "Oh yeah, I didn't get your name yet. I'm, y/n." He smiles at your statement.

"I'm, Jacob."

"Alright, you can open your eyes now." He puts his hands down opening his eyes and to his bewilderment there are two cupcakes each with a lit candle. His lips form a little pout and his eye go wide as he looks at you. "Happy Birthday, Jacob. This might be the crappiest birthday you've ever had, but I hope this makes it a little bit better."

"Wow, thank you…" Jacob was at a loss for words. There were a lot of emotions coming up again, he felt his throat go a little tight.

"Ah sorry, I shouldn't have brought up the bad things."

"No it's not that...well it partly is that, but I'm also happy. Why are you so kind to me?" That seemed like a weird question, is this not the golden rule?

"Well as thanks, of course. And I think you are being nicer to me than I am to you. Anyways, before your candles completely melt, make a wish!"

"Ah let me think," A wish, there wasn't any particular thing he wished for. His eyes wandered around trying to think of something and his eyes find their way back to you. The soft glow of the candlelight illuminating your face. A smile gracing your face as you wait for him to make his wish. He looks back to the candles and closes his eyes, 'I wish for something wonderful.' opening his eyes he gently blows out the candles. You found yourself hoping Jacob’s wish would come true.

“Perfect, now I didn’t know what flavor you liked, so I just got the standard vanilla and chocolate. Hope that’s okay.”

“That’s fine,” he says taking one of the cupcakes and pushing the other towards you.

“I can’t they’re yours.”

“It’s fine I shouldn’t eat two cupcakes this late at night anyway. Unless you don’t like that flavor?”

“Oh, it’s good. Uh, thank you then.” You both take your time eating your cupcakes while continuing to converse with each other. Taking his last bite he licks his fingers clean and you hand him a napkin from your bag.

“Thanks,” After he wipes his hands he stood up. “Can you walk okay, now?” You stood up carefully. It still hurts, but you felt like walking wouldn’t be too terrible, maybe.

“Yeah, I think I will be good, thank you.” You stagger your way back to the sidewalk and Jacob matches his pace with yours.

“Well, I go this way.”

“Oh, me too.” A smile alights both your faces, happy to stay with the kind soul next to you for a little longer before the loneliness grabs hold of you again.

“In that case do you still want my help walking?”

“Are you okay with that?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Jacob sets out in front with his back facing you, he kneels on the ground, turning his head to you.

“Won’t that be too tiring for you?

“My endurance is pretty good, besides we can get home faster this way, it’s pretty late already. It will only be till we part ways.” Maybe you would have been more hesitant if he didn’t always make sure you were comfortable when talking and interacting with him, keeping a respectable distance that strangers should have.

“Excuse me then.” As you climb on his back he links his arms under your legs as you wrap your arms around his neck and he slowly rises.

“Up we go.” he adjusts, bouncing you up higher on his back. He started walking, and like a gentleman, making sure you weren’t suspicious of him, he tells you which path he takes first before continuing to walk. To both your surprise, your time together lasted longer than imagined. You thought how he might live past you as you got closer to your home.

“Hey, I know we are still kinda strangers, but if it means anything, I think you are really kind. I was treated nicer by you in this short hour or so that we have known each other than I was ever by my ex. I won’t judge your relationship because I don’t know anything, but I think you deserve better. I hope you can move on soon and when your ready, find someone that values you properly.” Jacob lets out a titter at your words.

“Man, I feel like crying again.”

“Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. I hope the same for you, don’t feel down over someone that left you like that.”

“Ugh, of course! I’m not that sad to lose them, we weren’t dating for that long. I know that kind of person doesn’t deserve to be in my life… I’m sadder at the fact that it happened, it makes me feel inadequate.”

“Hey, don’t say that. Just like you said to me, I think you deserve a person that values you better.”

“Thanks.” He stops in his tracks again.

“I go straight.” To your disappointment, this is where your journey together ends.

“Ah, I go right.”

“Oh,” is all he gives as a reply. Jacob lowers himself letting go of his grip on your legs. Your hands move from around his neck to hold his shoulders as you steady yourself. When you let go of his shoulders he turns around to meet your eyes. “I guess this is goodbye.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Neither of you wanted to part ways yet, but what could you do? You both thought, this person would be a good friend to have, would it be too much to ask for their number?

“I’ll go first. Please be careful on your way home,” Jacob says, cutting off the awkward silence.

“You too. Thank you, for making this night a little less lonely,” you give him a sorrowful smile and he returns a look just the same.

“Thank you.” And so you both go your separate ways. He finds himself regretting not asking for your number, but it would be weird to go back now, if only he had a second chance. If he had another wish right now, he would have wished to see them again, not that it would have actually helped him anyway.

Finally making it to your apartment building you call the elevator sighing. You find yourself thinking about Jacob as you look at your knees, ‘I should have gotten his number.’ The elevator dings and the doors open up. Someone leaves the elevator and you take their place.

Jacob walks into his apartment building, and sees a person leaving then sees the foot of a person entering the elevator. He calls out to them.

“Please hold the door!” He starts jogging to the elevator. Hearing that familiar voice seems unbelievable. So you move to stick your head out to check to make sure you weren’t mistaken.

“Jac-” you didn’t expect a body to round the corner so fast and you reacted as best you could and tried stepping back, but their body still hit you, though it was with less force than you expected. Cool you thought, you were gonna fall for the second time tonight. The man that bumped into you didn’t think the person inside would try to come out so he had little time to try and stop his momentum and despite his efforts, he collided with the other. Not wanting to fall you reach your arms up and out to the person getting a death grip on their shoulders. The man lunges forward reaching out to catch the falling body, wrapping his arms around the person’s waist. There is a pause as Jacob gets a good look at the person in his arms. When he rounded the corner it was fast, but for a hot second, he thought that person looked like, y/n. He was right, they were staring at each other, hearts pounding in fright. Jacob was the first to open his mouth.

“Hey,” he offers up an awkward smile. You bite your top lip to keep from laughing. The elevator door closes.

“Hey.”

“You live here? You ask at the same time. This brought genuine smiles to your faces.

“Yeah, uh how did you get here before me?” He asks, stepping back to give you room to stand straight again. You loosen your grip on his shoulders letting your arms fall back to your sides. He lets go of you as well taking a step back.

“I took a shortcut. Do you not know about it?”

“No? Im new here, still getting used to this area, so I haven’t really explored around,” you hum in response. He goes to press his floor number and steps aside so you can do the same. You look at the panel of buttons and see your floor number is pressed. The elevator starts rising.

“I think we are neighbors.”

“Really?”

“Yup, same floor.”

“Huh, small world.”

“Guess it is.” Ah, it was awkward again. Maybe you both felt that way cause you were just thinking about each other, not like the other person knew that though. The elevator came to a stop opening to your floor. You stepped out first and Jacob followed. Pointing one way you give him a questioning look and he nods. You walk together in silence thinking how now would be the perfect time to ask for their number, but they’ve been silent this whole time maybe they don’t want to talk right now? Both of your minds hesitant to speak first. Jacob stops first.

“This is my door.” You look at the number on the door that is two off from your door number. Then that means.

“I’m the next door down. I didn’t know I had a new neighbor.” That wasn’t something you bothered paying attention to.

“From strangers to neighbors. Nice to meet you,” he jokes, smiling. You smile back.

“Nice to meet you too.”

“y/n, you seem like a really great person. If it’s ok with you, can I get your number? I think we would be good friends.” That should have been your line, you step closer to him, confessing.

“I actually wanted to ask you the same thing.” The two of you pull out your phones opening up contacts and exchanging phones, putting your info into the other’s phone. Taking back your phones, you take a step back. “Until next time.”

“Until then.” You turn around and start walking to your door. Jacob happily punches in his pin code. And steps into the door, but there was something else he wanted to say, so he poked his head out and saw you opening your door. “y/n,” you turn your head to look at the voice calling you. “Thank you, for making this night less lonely.” You smiled at the familiar words. “That’s it, good night, y/n.”

“Good night, Jacob.” The two of you heading into your respective homes with a tender smile. Hoping to see the other more often.

taglist: @taegurl-ne

[baka-writings]

𝘈 𝘋𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘖𝘯𝘦 - 𝘒𝘪𝘮 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘣𝘪𝘯 & 𝘓𝘦𝘦 𝘚𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘬 (𝘚𝘍9)

Warnings: angst, smut (not a threesome), probably car sex, fuckboy!Dawon, language, unprotected sex (reader is on birth control), mentions of past trauma which includes triggering themes such as harassment etc; If this is something that might trigger you, please don't read this as it will be slightly detailed

Summary: There was something going on between you and Dawon, you weren't dating but weren't fwb either. You had a crush on him despite his fuckboyish lifestyle, because before when you talked he himself said he liked you, so you thought it will be okay. But it wasn't. What will happen?

Word count: around 4k (rip)

This gonna be very long honestly, so prepare yourself. Also this is written in a huge time interval so please read everything, because it might not make sense If you skip something. It's starting in the past and continues until present day. Also² I was not naming the members, they were always "your friends" and "your brother" because I let you choose who your brother is so I didn't want it to be weird

Thank you for reading🖤

𝙇𝙚𝙚 𝙎𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙝𝙮𝙪𝙠;

Many see him as that handsome, funny and talented guy. All of that is true, but what they don't know and don't see is the fact that he can have and he in fact has every girl who wants him. It always pissed you off, because you had a huge crush on him, but yeah you're not the only one as you can see. Sometimes you thought about how lucky those girls were, but on the other hand you pitied them. You shouldn't be worrying about such things though, it's not like he'd ever feel the same way as you feel about him. Not with these girls around anyway.

His friends knew how you felt about him and they felt sorry for you. Not the pitiful sorry, but the sad one, because they knew your feelings were genuine, but they will never be returned; not from Sanghyuk. Your brother (choose which member you want as your bro, except Dawon and Youngbin) always joked that you can have one of his friends who were your friends as well, but that's not the same. You can't just throw the crush on someone away in seconds. However, the sight of him fucking every bitch that passed him hurt you everytime. You were living like this for five months and nothing has changed since then. Well you knew your brother was right, there was a certain someone with a crush on you so by time you could develop a relationship, but it's not that simple. You're not like Sanghyuk. You can't just "love" one person today and another one the next day. You wouldn't be able to even If you tried. Not gonna lie all of this was getting to you. No sleep, lot's of anxiety and stress. Your brother and his friends started to notice that, but you always shut the off so they didn't bother you. Throughout the time you hung out with them, even Sanghyuk joined sometimes, which always lowkey made you happier, because he actually talked you nicely, hugged you, was close to you as If he wasn't fucking that girl he came home with last night. Why was he so affectionate all of a sudden? Honestly you knew something was off and you weren't that naïve to actually think he'd like you or that he'd actually date you and ditch his bitches. You were long over it.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Week by week after those few times he hung out with you, Sanghyuk was having less and less girls around himself, that made you suspicious. You didn't want to ask him about it, it's none of your business anymore, okay honestly it never was your business plus you were starting to slowly fall out of your whole crush thing. But there must've been something wrong with Sanghyuk. He casually talked to you whenever you dropped by, actually sometimes replied to you in a group chat the 10 of you have. Before he always ignored it or just replied with an emoji. Is this a prank? That's the only thing that came to your mind. There was no way he was being nice to you just because he wanted to. You told one of your friend's what was happening and all they told you was 'you should be happy'. But should you really? This was not making you happy, suspicious and intrigued yes, but not happy.

You continued to play his little game for weeks. You got a bit closer to each other and in that period of time you haven't seen him with any other girl. You could maybe give him a chance no? You asked him what happened and how come he wasn't doing whatever he was doing before. His reply was simple, only a 'because I like you now so I'm not touching any other girl'

He liked you.. at that time. You asked him about the 'now', because to you it sounded like 'I want to fuck and dump YOU now that's why I'm nice' But even If so, you couldn't believe he was not around any other girls? What If he really liked you?

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Your relationship has been going on & off for about 2 months. It was weird, because you were close, but not dating neither fucking. Even your friends and your brother actually believed that he is finally normal and that you guys would be probably dating anytime soon. However to be super honest, surprisingly it wasn't him who didn't want to date, it was you. There was still some kinda of tension from your side towards him, even If it's not that visible. You just couldn't really 'submit' to him...for personal reason he didn't know about. No one knew, not even your brother.

Some time has passed and Sanghyuk was starting to be a bit more impatient and became touchy and demanding with you. Of course you didn't like it. Now it was all getting to you, he wanted you now as he said before, which meant the exact same thing you thought before. But you didn't want it and he didn't understand. You said no everytime he tried something. It was all getting really uncomfortable, because he didn't care at all. You were just another one of his fuck toys.

You didn't know whether to cry or yell at him. You fell for his charms again and he let you down..again.

That one day you finished earlier at school/work and your brother and friends had a week off so you thought to visit them in their dorm without announcing yourself. You were greeted with a hug from your brother, however he seemed a bit... stressed? When you asked him about it, he said it was nothing so you brushed it off. As you walked inside, you were greeted by some of your friends as well, some hugging you, some just waving. You were talking about your days, schedules, weather, anything that came to your mind. Which also reminded you of a certain someone. Although your relationship was getting worse after what he did, you still low-key cared? Yes dumb.

But when you asked them where Sanghyuk was, they all got nervous and avoided the question. You wanted to call them out, but right at that time he was walking with not one, but two girls who obviously weren't his "friends" at all. Oh so he was at it again.

Everyone could see how your expression changed. He was just standing there, laughing with those bitches as If you weren't there at all.

"This is what "liking" me looks like? I thought...well I hoped you'd actually stop with all of this" you were looking straight into his soul.

"You hoped for what again? You didn't even let me touch you, how could you even expect me to keep liking you" he replied with no regret, not even after he realized your brother was literally in the same room. They all stood shocked and angry.

"You know shit about me, I knew you were an asshole, but I didn't know this much" you told him.

"Yet you still 'loved' me. If you'd let me take you, one of these would be you" he motioned at his hoes, disgusting you.

"You know what, fuck off all 3 of you" you stormed out as fast as you could, letting your tears fall.

••••••••••••••••Present Time••••••••••••••••

Now you're alone, sitting on the beach during s peaceful looking evening/night. You don't know when you got there, but it was so quiet there. All you could hear were your sobs. Right when you stormed out of the dorm, your legs took you the furthest they could. Now you knew you could let it all go and cry until you couldn't anymore, because you were alone, which was bad but also good at the same time.

Your phone was buzzing like crazy, probably messages from your brother, you though. You didn't want him to worry so you checked all messages which mostly said "where are you" and "are you okay?" . No you weren't okay, not at all.

It buzzed another time, but this time it was not your brother. It was a message from Youngbin. Great. You had nothing against Youngbin, but didn't want to talk to anyone, but you checked the message anyway. Maybe because you had that soft spot for Youngbin? He had a crush on you, which was known to you, but he never said or tried anything, because he respected you and knew you liked Sanghyuk.

The message said:

Where are you? I'm going to pick you up

You were hesitant to reply, but told him where you were. After some time you saw someone walking over to you, since it was dark you couldn't recognise who it was, only when they got closer you recognized the person - Youngbin.

He say beside you, silently scared to speak up.

"I'm sorry" he said quietly.

"What for? " you didn't look at him. You didn't want him to see your puffy eyes. But he knew anyway.

"For everything that happened" he said in a rather quiet voice.

"It's not your fault.." right, it wasn't his fault, he only felt sorry for you..

"But you don't deserve what he did" you laughed at his response. It wasn't meant to be rude, but you couldn't help yourself.

"Maybe I do" Youngbin took a breathe and wanted to say something, but you continued

*TW ahead*

"All of my relationships were the same" you still haven't looked at him

"Was cool at first, but then?" you giggled again

Youngbin was looking at you, waiting for you to continue what you wanted to say.

"...then I became their sex toy only. They thought they can touch me and make me do things anytime" he still listened hatefully.

" And the word no?"

" It was like an invitation for them. I could've screamed and begged them to stop, but no use. No one could hear me" Youngbin was looking at you with wide eyes, not daring to say anything.

“It would be a lot easier If it happened once... but it was two times in two different relationships” you continued

“So I asked myself, what’s wrong with me that it had to happen so often” you were tearing up now, so was Youngbin, but he decided to speak up.

“There’s nothing wrong with you, trust me”

“Then why did it happen?” you raised your voice and looked him in the eyes. He didn’t know what to reply, your situation wasn’t easy and he was scared he’d hurt you. Oh If you just knew how he loved you.

All of this was making him mad. How can someone hurt you? He’d never imagine hurting you, both physically and mentally. His blood was boiling as you continued.

“At that time it was so hard for me and honestly I wanted to end it all, but I stayed strong” Youngbin got closer to you and hugged you carefully. You let him.

“So when Sanghyuk touched me it all came back and I realized he viewed me as one of his many girls as well”

Youngbin spoke up “Does your brother know about all of this?”  You shook your head no.

“He knows them, what do you think he’d do?” You looked at Youngbin.

“Most likely murder them” he half asked half said.

„That’s right plus he is busy with his own things“ You replied

Youngbin was still hugging you which strangely calmed you down. Affection usually made you jumpy or scared for obvious reasons, but Youngbin’s hug was so soothing. You let your head fall on his shoulder as you sighed.

„I just don’t understan why does this always happen to me. I just want to be loved“ you sighed again. Youngbin was a bit hesistant, but spoke up

„I can show you real love“ he knew it sounded a bit better in his head and by the look on your face he was scared that he messed up.

You raised an eyebrow. Since you knew he had a crush on you it didn’t really surprise you, but the timing was kinda wrong.

„Oh? Please be more specific, I don’t want to end up like before“ your face was too close to his.

„I mean...you probably know since your brother can’t shut up, but I really love you and I’d never hurt you“ you looked away not knowing what to say.

„That’s what all of them said and look“ what you said sounded a bit harsh, but he understood very well. It’s not easy to trust someone after all you’ve been through.

„I understand and respect whatever your reply is, just wanted to let you know“

The word ‚respect‘ was stuck in your head. Is actually someone really ready to respect you? Deep down you knew what he’s saying is true. Youngbin is that person who’d indeed respect you.

You looked at him, worry in his eyes visible.

„I’m sorry I shouldn’t have-“ you cut him off with a kiss. He was caught off guard obviously and fell on his back, your upper body on his.This is crazy and you know that. Honestly If it was someone else you’d not have done that, but you knew how he felt about you. And never stopped liking you despite your obvious interest in Sanghyuk. Maybe Youngbin was the person who deep down kept you from completely sumbitting to Sanghyuk?

When you stopped kissing, you’d expect yourself so sit up, away from laying on Youngbin, but you did the opposite. Youngbin was looking at you lovingly, but still worried. You kissed him again, more passionately this time, showing him you really trust him. He of course kissed back, to deepen the kiss he brought you closer to him.

He pulled away giving you one of his smiles.

„I’m sorry to break this moment, but we’ll get sick If we keep laying there“ you nodded when you realized you were still on the beach late at night. You got up, cleaning yourself of sand as well as Youngbin did the same.

„Tell me your car is close“ Youngbin chuckled at your comment.

„Lucky for you, your car is right here“ he pointed at himself. You raised an eyebrow, it sounded way too dirty, but you stayed quiet since you didn’t want to ruin the mood.

„What? You don’t want a ride?“ he smiled innocently. Your eyebrow was still raised.

„I’ll gladly ride you then“ his eyes darkened after your reply. Well Kim Youngbin I can play too.

„Careful what you wish for“ he pointed out. You smiled at him innocently as you jumped on his back for a ‚ride‘.

He was carrying you all the way to where his car was. Throughout the so called ride you were hugging him tightly.

When you reached his car, he let you stand and wait until he unlocked it so you could climb inside.

„But I don’t want to go back there“ you looked at him with sad eyes.

„I know, don’t worry we’ll go somewhere else“ he smiled. You took a ride throught the city and stopped near plain field and hills? It was too dark for you to indetify where you were, but everything was better than going back to dorms and see Sanghyuk’s asshole face. Youngbin found a nice place where to park  and from where you can actually see the night city. You stayed in the car as it was cold outside and what would be the point of leaving your previous place, because it was cold just to get to another place and go outside, right?

You were sitting in silence, but it was a peaceful silence.

„Thank you“ you spoke up and smiled at him.

„What for?“ he smiled back.

„For respecting me and letting me trust you“ he was touched by your kind words and wanted to show you how much he respected and loved you.

„Show me how much you love me“ You almost choked on what you just said. It wasn’t meant to be said out loud.

„Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you“ you nodded. A confirmation was enough for him to continue. His eyes changed from worried and unsure to loving. He leaned in to kiss you. You climbed over to him and sat on his lap, never breaking the kiss. Youngbin’s hands were carefully traveling all over your body. His kisses were passionate and deep. You’ve never felt such kisses before, before all your kisses were forced as well as everything you were about to do with Youngbin. You’ve never felt real love in any aspect, you were ready and wanted to experience it at least once.

You broke the kiss, stared into his eyes and kissing him again. At this point no words were needed. Your hands sneaked under his hoodie and shirt, feeling his toned body. Youngbin’s hands were under you shirt too. His hands were almost everywhere they could reach. You moaned into the kiss which made him turned on, you could tell how hard he got under you.

You couldn't help but grind yourself on his lap, earning a moan from him. His hands rested on your hips, guiding them as you were still moving them over his covered member.

"We should move this to the back" he said between kisses. You got off him and move yourself on the backseat as there was more place. After climbing over himself, he attacked your lips again so did his hands your body. You moaned into the kiss, earning a smirk from Youngbin. His lips traveled all the way to your neck and collarbone, leaving marks everywhere his lips touched you. You bucked up your hips to meet his sadly still clothed dick. This time it was his time to moan.

“Please it’s too cold for this, just take me” you half pouted half moaned. Youngbin’s smirk grew wider signalling to you that he understands. He stripped you off your pants and panties in one motion. When you wanted to do the same to him, he grabbed your wrists and pinned them over your head.

He chuckled "Next time sweetheart" While pinning your hands with one hand, he stripped himself with the same motion he did to you. It was impressive honestly how he managed to do all that with one hand. Youngbin kissed you while he entered you slowly, letting you adjust to him. The sudden friction made you moan into the kiss and Youngbin was loving it.

His hips started to move, thrusts slow but deep hitting all the right spots. You were still restricted from moving, but wanted to be as close to him as possible. If it was even possible to be honest. Your legs sneaked around his waist, keeping his hips where they should be.

His both kisses and thrust were becoming sloppier, even his hand left your wrists so he could support himself and not falling on you. His growls turned into low moans, mixing them with you own higher ones.

Youngbin felt your walls clenching around him which meant you were close and he knew it. That made him go a bit faster, coming right after you did. He gave you a few more thrusts, but keeping still inside yourself.

"Y/N, I'm sorry...I promise you none of this will end up the same as before, I love you" he kissed you.

"I love you too Youngbin"

"..and Thank You"

The End.