#And yes the movie hurts me tremendously

[kaluawoo]

Misono 🤝 Me

Hating our older brother for 8ish years, stopping in our teens, without even knowing why

[tyrantisterror]

So twitter has been assaulting my eyes with an "AI Generated Stop Motion Lord of the Rings video" for the past two days and, like, it's stirred up some FEELINGS and I need to process them by way of a fucking tumblr post.

'Cause, like, I've made stop motion movies.

Were they good stop motion movies? No, not particularly. They were probably as good as you could reasonably expect of something a high schooler made for an assignment, or a college student made in their spare time during the summer, with a budget of "whatever I was able to spare over a period of several months." They're a far cry from the works that inspired me - not equal to the works of Henry Selick or Ray Harryhausen, that's for sure.

I say this not for my usual reasons of knee-jerk self deprecation, but to emphasize that I understand how people feel when their art isn't as good as the art that inspired them, when it fails to match that lofty image you have in your head. I get it, man, I get it, it hurts, and it's hard to overcome that "I'll never be good as [insert artists who inspired you and probably have at least a 20 year headstart on getting good at the art form you've chosen]" pain.

But, like, man, the act of actually creating art is so satisfying. I know that we're on the "creating art is pain, shut your whore mouth toad I will continue scrolling tumblr instead of writing" website, but for all the agony involved in creation, it is fun, I swear it's so goddamn fun and enriching!

Putting together those sets, designing and building those puppets, sweating in a makeshift studio in my dad's garage from painstakingly moving those little puppets just a tiny bit to take a photo over and over again... it was work, yes, but god it was so good. There's this tactile sensation of creation you get from it, because you physically assemble everything that goes in front of the camera, and you physically move it and take the shots, and when the movie comes together you see how each and every bit of your labor gave LIFE to what was lifeless.

And it holds true for all other forms of art. The satisfaction I get from writing it different from the satisfaction I get from drawing, which is different than the satisfaction I get from acting, and so on and so on - but they all share that element that they are MINE, they are something I brought into the world and no one else did, and without me they would not be here. They are reflections, extensions, and creations of ME, and god there's no feeling better than looking at something you've labored hours to make and thinking, "I did this. This only exists because of me."

You rob yourself of that feeling if you let some algorithm do it for you. And maybe some people are ok with that tradeoff, but I can't help but view it as tremendously sad. Those movies I made may not be perfect, my books may be mediocre, my singing off key, my drawings limited, but goddammit, they're mine, and everyone deserves to feel the pride of making something that's theirs and theirs alone.

[barbatusart]

youve probably had this ask before, but do you have any tips or resources on drawing gore without having to look at the actual thing as reference? im good with horror movies and all, but the idea of real shit makes me wanna throw uuup

yes yes and yes absolutely. there’s zero reason to look at the real deal, & frankly im thankful every day genZ has rejected it as hard as they have, cus i know i went on & on about it in ROTTEN but a lot of us millennials on the internet really suffered when gore was commonplace.

THE BIODIGITAL HUMAN: biodigital.com is a phenomenal free 3D medical-grade anatomy resource that will teach you what every solitary fiber of the body is called + where it goes! gore & horror art can be done any way you please, but if you’re looking to make more realism-based work, referencing anatomy & knowing your stuff is key. think of it like drawing a salad having never eaten a salad vs. drawing a salad where you know all the ingredients

GROCERY STORES: next time you’re shopping for groceries, it helps to pay special attention to the meat section! we’re all made of meat after all, so anatomy will teach you where everything goes, and grocery meat will teach you the behaviors of tissue - for instance muscles are soft and fibrous, the fat cell layer is here and behaves as such, skin is around this thick & so on. you won’t find particularly fatty cuts at the grocery store admittedly, so you’ll be missing the key fat cell layer, but that’s where anatomical ref comes in. adding the fat cell layer (yellows and oranges) steps up your work tremendously towards realism! also for any offal on sale (liver tripe etc) this is a great chance to look at organs & take note of their texture & how you would draw such an object

SHOWERS & MIRRORS: the best body ref you’ll ever have is your own self! really poke around and see where your bony landmarks are, where fat sits, & how skin bunches, stretches, & molds. the best thing ever to do too is to set your phone to a timer & then contort into a hideous pose on your floor & then try to draw it lol. self observation like this will help you figure out where the weight of the body moves towards, even if you don’t have much weight on you it’ll still move and behave with certain properties that are super helpful to study

ANY TIME YOU GET HURT BY ACCIDENT: next time you skin your knee or god forbid require sutures is also a fine opportunity for learning! blood is also a tissue & behaves with certain properties - its viscosity, how opaque it is, clotting factors, & so on. blood won’t always be a totally red Mass, it’s got texture & shade to it as well as different hues. don’t forget your browns! color is a big one too - a little orange in the yellow for the fat cell layer, a little purple in the red for muscle fibers, & so on

SURGERY FOOTAGE: the ONE actual life reference i can recommend, and this is only if you know yourself to be of a fair constitution, is youtube footage of surgical procedures such as knee replacements, ectopic pregnancies, top surgery, gastric bypass, small bowel obstruction, etc. clean sterile environments, significant education, & MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL: the knowledge that the patient walked away happy, healthy, & with a new lease on life. this will teach you countless things about anatomy, body structure, tissue behavior & color, you name it!

the most important thing to remember with the body is that anatomy will show you Where it is, meat will show you How it is, but remember that organs & tissues behave different than the models show, as they’re all in one place just for ease of visibility and education. the body is soft & it’s got all sorts of soft stuff in it that wiggles around & shines & makes weird farting noises LOL. think of the body like a cake, & horror art like a cake you dropped on the ground where every layer of it is going to behave differently!

[chronosdawn]

don't be shy, you can rewrite the howl's plot while still making the crossover 💞💞 (the feral dynamic between howl reader and wotw scara would be so funny (tired exasperated reader vs jaded simpering brat scara lmao)

In reference to this post.

You get it anon, you get the dynamic I'm going for.

Sadly I don't think I can commit to rewriting the whole plot of the movie because that would be a fairly tremendous undertaking (especially when I already have quite a few WIPs that I'm slowly chipping away at). However, because I really love this concept and as a thank you for being my first ask, I have written a little drabble for you anon. I hope you enjoy it!

I'm also open to taking asks about this AU and may write some more drabbles for it in the future so keep your eyes peeled!

A lone figure stood at the mouth of the alleyway leading to the main square, the dark colors of his outfit at odds with the cheerful banners and fluttering flags adorning the nearby buildings. His countenance too, did not match that of the other parade-goers, for if one were to peer into the shadow cast by his wide-brimmed hat, they would find his features twisted in bitter fury—his eyes trained not on the merry townsfolk, but the two figures soaring high above them, one with their arm wrapped around the other.

The figure sank his teeth into the skin of his lip. Even though he’d been working at pursuing you for some time now, he hadn’t expected you to make a trip into town today, not with all the soldiers and crowds. It had been so long since he’d been this close to you that it’d made him desperate, acting with far too much haste and not enough forethought to keep you from getting away. It hurt more, somehow, to have come so close only to have you slip right through his fingers. 

Again.

A faint noise like that of shifting fabric alerted the figure to a presence behind him and Scaramouche, the Wizard of the Waste, turned to face one of his poor excuses for a servant. 

The creature made of writhing shadows bowed deeply, arm held over its chest where its heart had once been before the wizard had carved it out and replaced it with his own dark magic.

“My apologies, my Lord,” the thing rasped, “the sorcerer has escaped.”

Scaramouche’s expression twisted further in distaste as he hissed through his teeth, “yes, I could see that much.” He turned back to where your retreating figure still hung in the sky, his fingers twitching at his sides as though he might reach out and pluck you from it. “At least tell me you’re still following them.”

“The others are trailing them from the ground, my Lord. Once they descend, we shall inform you of their whereabouts immediately and attempt to seize the sorcerer—”

“No,” Scaramouche interrupted, keeping his gaze trained on you. “By the time you catch up to them, they’ll be long gone. Follow the other one, the peasant looking fellow they have with them. Find out where he lives and report it to me immediately.” 

“As you wish my Lord.” The creature’s form started to disperse, the shadows that made up its body slithering away into the dark nooks and crannies of the crumbling alleyway stonework.

“One last thing before you go.” Scaramouche raised a hand, black-purple smoke curling around his pale fingers. A hiss of pain came from behind him as the magic making up the creature’s body began to constrict, distorting its shape even further from anything that could have once been called human. “I’ll be lenient on this occasion, but the next time you disappoint me, well,” his tone dropped, turning deadly, “I have no need for useless things, do I?”

“No, m—my Lord,” the thing stammered out, the tearing vocal cords in its throat rendering the sound akin to nails being scrapped across a chalkboard. 

“Go on then.” All at once the magic at the wizard’s fingertips vanished, and the creature wasted no time in making its exit, leaving Scaramouche alone in the alleyway.

You were so far away now it was difficult to make out the shape of your form—where you ended and the irksome worm pressed against your side began. He couldn’t stand it, the thought of someone else at your side—a place that used to belong to him. No, a place that still belonged to him, and would continue to, regardless of your feelings on the matter. 

But no matter how irritating it was to see someone else touching you, he’d have been a fool not to see it for the opportunity it was. 

Scaramouche knew you, knew that no matter how much you liked to run and hide away from your problems, there was a kindness in you that you’d never quite managed to truly ignore. If some unfortunate soul, particularly one you’d already shown a hint of favor to, were to turn up at your door, cursed and bereft of other options, you’d surely allow them into your home.  And if that cursed individual just so happened to be carrying a talisman upon their person that contained enough of a wizard's magic to break past the infernal seal you kept on the door of your so-called castle, they would be able to lead said wizard right to you.

How fortunate then, Scaramouche thought, that he now had someone he wanted to curse with every fiber of his being.

And once the fool allowed him access to your residence, all he had to do was find where you were keeping your heart hidden away and take it for himself.

[kooktrash]

NEVERAGAIN!JK - what if jk meet yn after few years and yn with someone else ops or maybe that time jk finally change… and yn might give him second chance but yn with namjoon (idk where this namjoon coming)

I feel like a never again continuation is what everyone wanted but this probably isn’t what they wanted lol. but thxxxx for sending it in

never again | jeon jungkook

warnings: none. closure for this pair. 1.1k words

It happened one year later much to your disliking. In no way was it that you had gone through a tremendous heart break, but it was hurtful. You know Jungkook had his own problems to deal with but that didn’t make it okay for him to say the things he said. So right now that he’s standing a few feet away from you, it makes you think back to when you lived next to each other.

You’re not sure if he’s seen you yet and you hope he hasn’t. The last time you saw each other was when he had nearly cried telling you he didn’t mean anything he said. If it had been your younger self, you would have forgiven him but it’s taken a long time for you to know your own self worth. It wasn’t your fault if when Jungkook finally decided to own up to all the shit he had said to you and numerous girls, you didn’t forgive him. What did he honestly expect?

It hurt more to know that you had built a friendship that was ruined in one night.

“Are you ready to go?” Namjoon asked as he finished paying the bill for your food. You’re not even sure when the bill had come, you were too engrossed in the thought of Jungkook when you shouldn’t have been.

“How much do I owe you?” You asked in regards to the bill as the two of you stood from your seats. Namjoon smacked his lips creating a sound as he shook it off, “Don’t worry about it, you’ll get me next time.”

You were happy to leave without being noticed, that’s what you hoped for anyway.

You didn’t want to run into him at the door when he so graciously held the door for the person behind him. Namjoon stepped out first, thanking him in the process, eyes meeting as they both came to a stop. You tried making your escape silently but when his eyes looked to the last person stepping through, he froze.

His eyes shifted between you and Namjoon who looked away nervously. Yoongi smiled, “Joon, buddy, we didn’t know you were here and with…” his eyes shifted to you and then Jungkook.

“Uh yeah, there was a movie we both wanted to see and ended up getting dinner after. I didn’t see you in there either,” Namjoon responded. You know he was Jungkook’s friend but you only hung out with Namjoon when he reached out to you and it was only ever you two for this exact reason.

It was awkward, neither you nor Jungkook knew what to feel right. The two of you never dated, you were only friends who hooked up one night and broke apart after that. It hurt the same but in reality, there’s no reason to still hold grudges, was there?

Jungkook cleared his throat anxiously as he looked back at you, “How are you?” You shifted your gaze to everyone around you who all looked around as if they weren’t here. Jungkook looked back at them and in one quick moment, they were all backing away, even Namjoon who was now being questioned by them about you.

“I’m good, how are you?” You asked politely, making him shrug, “I’m okay.”

You looked at the time on your phone glancing over at Namjoon before speaking to Jungkook, “Do you want to go somewhere and talk?”

“Yes,” he said breathlessly and in a rush. You asked what he wanted to, like usual. Namjoon looked over at you as you practically asked him for permission, “Text me when you get home?”

Jungkook bit back the main question on his mind as he began walking toward the metal table outside of the restaurant you had just been at. The guys all left until it was just the two of you and you sat awkwardly facing each other.

He chuckled suddenly, “I hate my new neighbor, now I see why you hated me at first.”

You smiled, “Why? Does he eat your food deliveries too?”

“Worse, he sings in the shower. I, at least, was always on tune,” he joked, making you laugh at the memory. Your laugh made him laugh too and it was soft and genuine. He cleared his throat, “I had a feeling you and Namjoon would hit it off. He’s very… caring.”

“He’s a good friend,” you answered simply.

“Jungkook?” You said after some time sitting together in silence. He looked up at you with soft eyes as you smiled, “I hope you’ve been doing well.”

“I’ve been trying to,” Jungkook said honestly, like he always did when he was with you, “But I um, I know I said this before, but I’m really sorry for the way I acted.”

“I know,” you said, “It’s in the past.”

“And I don’t think I ever really told you how much I enjoyed being friends.”

“I enjoyed it too,” you told him honestly. He smiled shyly at that. He seemed so different from the fuckboy you first met.

“And my neighbors are boring, they don’t even try to make it through my window,” you joked and he laughed. He had a big smile on his face, “Yeah, not everyone can be me.”

He looked at you hopefully but you just smiled, “True.”

“You know, um, I understand if you don’t want to, but maybe we can meet up like this from time to time?”

“Maybe,” you said, checking the time and he knew what it meant. It was late and you wanted to go home now. He stood at the same time you did and at once, your arms were around his neck and his were on your waist.

He still doesn’t understand why you were so different from the others when you were only friends. He still doesn’t know why he thinks about you from time to time and why he still feels the same as he looks at you. All he knew was that things just didn’t work out.

Your hand touched his cheek softly as you pulled away, “I didn’t want to at first, but I am happy we got to talk.”

“I’m happy too, honestly,” he never told you how happy he was to meet you. He never told you how happy he was he got to know you, or to feel your lips on his. He never told you how light you made him feel when you talked or when you’d yell at him for being a bad neighbor.

He leaned into your hand and without thinking he planted a kiss on your forehead, “I’m really happy.”

You gave one final smile as you pulled away and he let you, “I should get going.”

“I’ll wait with you for a cab,” he said and you nodded letting him help you find one.

When it finally came to the goodbye, you stopped at the door of the car as he held it open for you. You both cracked some shy laughs, “Bye.”

“Bye.”

::.

taglist: @nikkiordonez12 2 @blushblossomsblog @whosaero o @purpleunicorn051 @rerefundslocals s @shaybts-blog @hobiseightbracelet t @beautifulsunghoon @piscesbunnny @bitemejjk : @asking4-sanity @guvgguk @jiminshi20 @thvhoe @notmyfaultbutours @kimyishin @libra04 @cherrysainttt @potatocheesebites @zaedynnn @thvlover @thvlover7 idk @kooromiwrld @saweetspoiled @sugaluvmyg @cherrymonlightt

[dixonsstinkysock]

‘Ongokx

Chapter 1

I’m a down-to-earth nigga( yes im black) with intentions that’s right

You’ll be down in earth quicker if you diss me tonight.

But I’ll be the happiest if you decide to kick it tonight.

Pairing: Platonic Spider Socorro (#1 spider defender)

Word count: 1,077

Plot: Spiders Na’vi “mother” attempts to save her son but instead gets captured with him. During the time of them both being in captivity they both develop deep relationships with the recoms 😩 amazing plot (mostly follows movie story line js added mother!reader into it )

Notes: Omg guys its finally out.. no one was waiting for it but me 😜 btw i rlly like ttc if you couldnt tell 😎

A Mother’s purpose is to protect and care for her children. Who is she if she cannot?

                            Earlier

[Kids’ POV] 

“Tuk! Keep up!” Lo’ak scolds his younger sister.

“Okay, Okay!”

“Bro Why’d you bring her anyway?” Spider questions.

“ ‘Cause she’s such a crybaby.” Lo’ak complains “ She’s all ‘I’m telling. You’re not supposed to go to the battlefield. I’ll tell Mom if you don’t let me come”. He mocks.

Tuk wants to annoy her older brother even more so she sticks her tongue out at him.

“ Don’t pick on her.” Kiri retaliates.

                                     Time Skip

                                     'Who's we?’

        “Me, Spider, Kiri…” Lo’ak rolls his eyes “ and Tuk”

A look of shock and worry crosses the two mother’s faces.

 “Son, you listen to me very carefully. You pull back right now. Do not make a sound. You get the hell out of there. Move! You copy?”

                            “ Yes Sir. Moving out.”

The four kids make their way from the suspicious avatars. When the youngest of the four lets out a piercing scream.One of the avatars has managed to capture Tuk, and the rest have surrounded the other children.

                  Another time skip..

[Second-Person POV]

Neytiri calls out to her children while you use the trees to your advantage, scoping out the formation of Avatars and the best way to approach them. Luckily your son is smart and is able to recognize his mother’s arrival. Neytiri whoops to alert her kids, unfortunately the Avatars can hear her call too putting them on high alert. Then… all hell breaks loose. Jake has killed 2 avatars, Neteyam shot one who was about to kill his mother, Neytiri is able to get one down before the rest alive let their bullets fly. 

The kids are able to escape while the Avatars are distracted. You find Spider and Kiri and attempt to lead them to safety. An explosion from behind stops you from doing so. Kiri falls forward on the slippery log while Spider falls off. He tries to grab a nearby vine but his hands slip as he falls to the forest floor. “ Spider!” You and Kiri yell. Neytiri jumps down from a close tree branch.

“Kiri, ___!” She grabs Kiri and tries to pull her away.

“Goi! I’ll get Spider!” you respond.You jump down to where you saw your son fall. “Spider?!..Spider!!” you frantically look for him until you see his small tan body. “Spider! Come, They are coming! We must hurry.” You pick him up and turn around. The Avatars have surrounded you, you have nowhere to go. You place your son down to grab your knife from its holster. The avatars warn you to stand down and drop your weapon but you aren’t going to let these animals harm your family.

There’s a sharp pain in your neck as one of the avatars aim their gun at you.You pull out the clear cylinder object from your neck not recognizing it. Everything gets blurry, your eyelids are heavy, your heartbeat has slowed tremendously. You collapse and plead for them to stay away from your child. “ No…Stay away from him.” The last thing you see is your boy being taken by those animals before everything goes black.

                    Bridgehead Cell 

[Spider’s POV} 

I need to find my mother so we can get out of here…wherever here is. 

It's been a while since they took me from that machine.It hurt. It’s bright in here, I don’t like the way they can watch me from those cameras on the roof. The only safe space I see is under this cold metal table. The first rule in a new place is to find a spot where I can see all around me and also be able to have a quick escape. I hope everyone is okay– Swoosh. 

The clear door opens and I see… him. The man who took me and my mother away from our home.The man who is just a soulless copy of my real father. He steps around to the other side of the table I’m under and I see my chance to escape. The door isn’t that far from me. I bet I could make it out.

I didn’t make it.

“Easy, tiger” He says as he grabs me and holds me down on top of the metal table.”Easy.” I need to escape but he won’t let go. He steps back with his hands up “We good?” I can’t even look at his face. He looks too much like the real him.He kneels in front of me trying to make eye contact.

“Kid, you got heart.” he says “ Those science pukes leaned on you pretty hard. But you gave them nothin’...I respect that”. He pulls out a metal necklace. “I thought you might want this.” I do want to see what's on it but I don’t want to respond to him. He takes my hand and forcefully puts the metal necklace in it. I look at it. ‘Colonel Miles Quaritch’... It has my fathers name on it. “That’s Colonel MIles Quaritch. Deceased. Killed in action.” I fling it across the room. I’m not anything like my father, I don’t want any reminders of him.

 “I’m not that man.” He stands..well as much as he could considering this room is small compared to him. “ But I do have his memories,” he walks over to the metal necklace to pick it up. “Enough to know that…well, he wasn’t always the best father.” He comes to sit next to me. “ But that’s not an apology, I’m not your father. Technically…you and I, we’re nothin to each other. But… I can help you.” 

“I can get you outta here.” I glance at him to show I’m listening. “I’m not gonna ask you to betray Jake Sully.I know you’d never do that. You’re loyal…and I admire loyalty. Just ride along.Otherwise I gotta give you back to the lab coats..” I look at him.

“ Where is she?” I demand “Who? That woman that was with you?” he responds. “Yes… where is she? Is she okay?” He doesn’t respond for a beat and just looks at me, licking the front of his teeth. “Who is she to you?..” 

“It doesn’t matter. Is she okay?!” I’m getting annoyed with him now. Why won’t he just tell me if she's alright? “She’s fine, matter of fact she should be awake by now–” 

“ I’ll go with you if you let me see her!... please.” 

[frecklystars]

hi!! idk who else to ramble my thoughts to but the ken brainrot is in full force. i hope this is ok 😭😭 but i cannot stop thinking about ken's expression right after the 'SUBLIME!!' scene when barbie goes 'yay! :))' and walks in the mojo dojo casa house. and this man. just puts his hand on his chest, sighs in relief and just fuckin has the most obvious heart eyes face i've ever seen. this boy is WHIPPED I'M😭😭

tbf i'd be like that too if barbie said 'please' in that voice. she is so 🥺

HI IT'S ALWAYS OKAY TO TALK ABOUT THE BARBIE MOVIE IN MY INBOX IT'S ALWAYS WELCOME!!!!!!! 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

BARBIE'S LITTLE "PLEASE" AND HER STEPPING CLOSER TO HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT HER BC SHE'S BARBIE AND SHE'S SO PRETTY AND SHE SMELLS SO GOOD AND SHE'S LOOKING RIGHT AT HIM 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 you're right man I'd honestly pass out if she looked at me like that SDLFJKSLFSDF

AND him sighing in relief is so telling about how. like. he doesn't even want any of this patriarchy shit, you can tell how everything he does is really truly sincerely for Barbie and how much he's lost himself over trying to be with her. he wants the Kens to be recognized and respected, yes, but most of what he's doing is all for Barbie's respect specifically. he's relieved that she's finally under the "spell", relieved that the things in the Real World that are forcing (in his POV) women to cater to men, is finally working in BarbieLand ...Kendom... KendomLand? and you spend so much time seeing him be such a jackass in this later half of the movie, and it's that sigh that tells you it's not his true personality. he's just some stupid hot dude with an obsession for his girlfriend he was literally molded for. and horses. and he's never run anything before and he doesn't love doing it but he's doing it because what else is he rly supposed to do... he's already made this tremendous screwup and he just keeps rolling with it because WHAT ELSE can he do if he's SO FAR GONE NOW he can't just say "oh nevermind guys I change my mind" so he keeps going and isn't this supposed to be great? isn't this supposed to make him feel so good? but he doesn't feel good. it doesn't feel great. how empty has he felt up to this point? when Gloria and Barbie and Sasha are all talking while Barbie is kicking off her pastel blue clothes, having her existential crisis while Gloria is trying to explain "that's life", you can see Ken in the background dropping to his knees and curling over himself, hugging himself, looking at the floor. and Tall Ken is trying to get him to stand up but Ken won't budge. how long was he hurting over it? kicking Barbie out of her house, throwing out her clothes, brainwashing her friends, he's convinced himself surely she won't come back after he did all of that. they can't even be friends after this. like that other Ken who said "I don't even care about being Ken anymore, I just miss my friend Barbie," our Beach Ken was probably having similar thoughts. he just misses his friend Barbie. he's fucked everything up so monumentally and it's hitting him so hard in that moment.

and then. and then. Barbie shows up. she's at his door to his dreamhouse mojo dojo casa house. batting her lashes. smelling like cupcakes, probably. pleading to be his long term long distance low commitment casual girlfriend. he's beyond relieved. he thinks all of this isn't for nothing if Barbie can just finally look at him. not even with love in her eyes, but to just look at him and simply want to be in his life. finally it's her holding onto every word he says, finally it's her looking at him the way he used to look at her. AND IT'S ALL!! PACKED!!! INTO THAT SIGH, THAT LITTLE SMILE, THE HAND PRESSED TO HIS CHEST AUGH

all of that aside ---- he looks like such a snack in his denim ripped sleeve outfit, I'm sorry. I'm absolutely weak for Ryan Gosling's smolder and Ken flexing his muscles while brooding and spewing the most bullshit nonsense about "kendom. land. kendomland. land of the free of the men... kendomland" is the hottest thing in the world. NOTHING going on upstairs ❤

[practically-an-x-man]

As an SFX artist; what can you tell me about clowns? Why do you think they’ve become an icon of fear?

Coulrophobia!

Another long ramble ahead, consider yourself warned:

So I'm sure there's an actual psychological explanation for what makes clowns creepy, but I don't know it so this is just me speculating a bit.

A lot of intense personal fears are developed during childhood - you get attacked by bees, you develop a fear of bees; you nearly drown as a kid, you develop a fear of drowning. It's a learned fear response, meant to keep you from experiencing similar threats again, but it's strongest when we're children since they have fewer experiences to compare it to. I.e. a lifelong gardener with plenty of harmless experiences with bees is not going to develop a phobia from one bee sting, but a 6-year-old girl who has no other experiences with bees is likely to become afraid.

We can apply this same logic to clowns: they're something that is usually introduced to young children, since they're meant as children's entertainment, so a bad experience is more likely to leave you with lingering anxiety or reservations surrounding clowns.

I also think this is a bit of a positive feedback loop when it comes to clowns being seen as an icon of fear. One filmmaker chooses to make a clown-based horror film, a kid watches it too young and develops a lingering fear, kid grows up to write their own book or produce their own movie, it continues the cycle. Fear of sharks spiked tremendously after Jaws permeated homes, and It did the same for clowns.

I think this is true for any fear, really - it's not that clowns or sharks are innately more scary than another thing, but those particular works are so well-presented that they instill a fear in the audience. I could write a movie about... idk, a box of tissues, and if it's profoundly scary enough then it doesn't matter whether the tissues themselves are scary. It's all in how they're presented. And sure, filmmakers and authors will generally stick to something that has a bit more history, with the potential to hurt, since that gives a jump-start on the fear response, but I'd argue at the core of it that it doesn't matter.

I think the reason they've become an icon of fear rather than just something that's scary is because of the real-world connection, too. It's kind of a chicken-and-egg situation, but take something like John Wayne Gacy or the 2016 clown sightings across the continental US - whether these are inspired by creepy clowns in media, or whether the media is inspired by the real-world events, having something be real makes it scarier.

I talked before about how horror trends mimic the societal fears of their time period, and this is more of the same. If you watch a movie, and there is even the slightest inkling of belief that this could happen to you - that you'd spot a real creepy clown in the bushes on your way home from work - it makes that thing more scary. I mean, compare something like The Mist or Annihilation to something like Arachnophobia or Hush: they're completely different genres, yes, and the individual creatures in The Mist and Annihilation are definitely scary, but there's something extremely visceral about the latter movies because you could walk into a house infested with venomous spiders, you could look through the window one night and see a masked burglar aiming to break in, while you're much less likely to actually encounter mutated cosmic beings like that. Clowns are scary because they are something you could feasibly run into, without too many mental gymnastics to get there.

TL;DR: Clowns are scary because of childhood fear associations, a history of violence in real-world events, and the fact that they are mundane enough that the brain may misattribute fiction and reality.

[kissandships]

I so get having a tough day---I'm having a tough decade tbh, and fandom distractions really do help tremendously! Hoping so much that tomorrow is better!!! A few questions: 1. How would you rank all eight T70sS seasons from your favorite to your least favorite? 2. Do you see Donna and Jackie as realistically remaining close friends in adulthood despite/because of (?!) their differences? 3. What are the top 5-7 things (not counting physical intimacy) that Donna and Eric would like doing together?

Thank you for your kind words! Sending hugs to you 🤗

Season Rankings:

1

3

2

5

4

6

7

8

Seven would be my least favorite if s8 did exist. By the time 7 came around, I was actually tired of the show. I felt like it had run its course, and the storylines weren’t interesting to me. I’ll try to watch the whole thing on this re-watch though

Donna and Jackie remaining friends?:

Discounting season 8, yes. I think they would remain friends, even if there was like a five, six, seven year gap they don’t speak. Let’s say s8 happens, everyone is hurt and moves away and falls out of touch with one another. Then Donna and Jackie see each other again— like at a super market Or restaurant or whatever— and they get to talking. Donna apologizes profusely, stating she was lost without Eric, but that it doesn’t excuse her behavior. Jackie admits she lost herself that year too, and she hasn’t had another friendship that means as much to her as Donna’s did. So they start over. Go out once a month, reconnect. Maybe with Donna in her life, Jackie wouldn’t keep marrying and divorcing Kelso

Top Five Things Formciotti likes doing together:

They like going to movies

Play fighting 🙂

Basketball/other sports. Donna usually beats Eric, but she will never be able to beat him at Foosball

Getting out of the house/hiding from the world after hectic days. Maybe driving somewhere and just looking at the stars

And finally, simply just being with each other. They could be dead tired, at the breakfast table, drinking coffee silently, and be okay with that. They don’t need to do anything fancy

[no-gorms]

This a real question, not a complaint: how do you still ship Steve and Tony after Civil War? I used to love it, but now I cant forget that CW made it clear Steve doesn’t care about Tony or even the Avengers very much. I always wonder if The Letter TM was supposed to be a real apology and the screenwriter was just a sociopath, or if they were making him a dick on purpose. Anyway, I’d love to know how you reconcile all of that because your characterizations of them are so beautiful. I want to enjoy the ship again, so I’d love to hear your take on it.

----

The funny thing is, Civil War is what made me ship Steve and Tony again, and I feel like how people engage with CW's take on them depends on where their feelings already were when that movie came out. I'm speaking broad strokes but not to universal experiences, plus shipping is subjective. Thoughts behind the cut.

I got into Steve/Tony as a ship around the time the first Iron Man movie came out (thanks, zen-ish!) and most of the fic back then was comics-based and focused on a deep, years-spanning friendship with bumps between them. Understandably, a lot of these feelings got projected forward into the fresh potential of the MCU's new versions of the characters, and in my memory, a lot of fic post-The Avengers predicated a future friendship dynamic not too far from from what the comics had established.

Now, a lot of people thrived then and still thrive now in that post-2012 The Avengers time of rich possibility. I know I had joined that high with tremendous excitement. But my investment in them as a ship took a sharp blow when Age of Ultron came out, because (not knocking those who get stuff out of it) the team dynamic was not working for me. Workmates instead of teammates, Steve wasn't even living in the tower (WHY?) and though there were some nice moments, Steve and Tony's main interactions were plot-driven instead of character-driven, and coolly semi-antagonistic. And by 'cool' I mean impersonal, which comes back to the workmates vibe.

The Avengers didn't need to show them as a tight team, but it teased the possibility. AOU, in my opinion, didn't follow up on possibility, and as a result I lost interest. I know a lot of people filled in the blanks and used the 2012-team-as-family momentum to keep going, but I couldn't get into that.

Now Civil War. Oh boy. I understand why people like yourself have strong negative feelings about it, but when Steve and Tony fight in this movie, it's personal. It's also plot-driven, but in my opinion the character beats are stronger in how the conflict is depicted. It fills in the negative space in AOU of two people who should know each other well by now -- Tony knows how Steve's going to react to the Accords, and Steve knows that Tony's already made a decision. Tony gentles himself, and uses a personal touch to try to convince Steve to change his stance. Steve outright yells at one point, which he rarely does. When Tony learns about Zemo, he goes to help Steve without hesitating -- that's a ride-or-die that's too late, and gets turned on its head at the last moment. When Tony learns about his parents, Steve stops trying to justify his actions, because he knows Tony's pain is too great and in this, without question, Steve was wrong and he can't defend himself in any way, it's done, it's over, all he can do is stand his ground and not let Tony hurt anyone.

It hurts because they care. As opposed to AOU, where when they fought the dialogue could've come from anyone and the movie refused to address the fallout afterward, or in The Avengers they barely knew each other and (you guessed it!) the movie refused to address the fallout afterward.

Would it have been nice for them to show Steve and Tony as good friends? Definitely, I'm upset about AOU to this very day. Is Steve's letter at the end of CW weird? Yes, and I won't bother justifying it.

But to me, CW built up a storm of emotion between them where previously there was (again, in my personal opinion) barely anything at all, and as long as there's something, that's something I can work with. (And I thought it was delicious.) A lot of how I write Steve and Tony is influenced by CW and its fallout, especially in how I'd build their friendship backwards in their timeline (through the post-2012 Avengers and AOU era) knowing what we know about them and how they strongly affected each other in CW and after.

[harrison-abbott]

Joe Linton

I knew Joe Linton ages ago, when I was back at art college, oh – nearly forty years ago now. Blimey, to think it’s that long ago, when I was still thin and semi-beautiful, fresh and idealistic. Joe and I were students in the same year. He did film and I did fine art. We met in the gardens of the campus. Through friends – I remember the first time I saw him, on the bright grass by the back of the old kirk. Was a pretty campus that I still get nostalgic over and Joe was handsome too. He asked me out. Being only the second boy ever to do so, and I said yes. And for six months we were in that disorientated state of love; couldn’t be separated for longer than a night. I was mean to him. I found him arrogant, about his artwork. His movies. Because he was – proud and confident about his material. He’d show me his short flicks. And I slandered them, because I didn’t think he was that good, and because I wasn’t a good painter myself. He didn’t seem a ‘great man’ to me, either: I thought those were silly things to dream about, artistically, even though I was only 21 myself, and despite paintings supposedly being my passion. My slandering hurt Joe a great deal. But he stuck with me, after I said I was sorry. And that planted another six months onto the relationship. Throughout which Joe drank a tremendous amount of beer wine and whisky. I dunno how that didn’t kill him. Plus, I hated alcohol. My Dad was a big drinker – and the whiff of booze triggered all these girlhood insecurities – and I kept asking Joe to stop. I told him if he didn’t quit then I’d leave. Threaten to leave: “Alcohol or Me!” I would declare. So Joe figured out ways to hide his boozing. But I could still smell it. Around the same period, my own studies were deteriorating, and I wasn’t doing well with the fine art course. The tutors didn’t like my stuff. And I passed second year with a C grade overall, which I was mighty angry about. Whereas Joe got an A. Ha! What a bastard – was my thinking at the time – how he can tan the beers all he wants and still get an A! A top grade for his crappy films! And I said this to him one night. On the phone. Not in those exact words. What I said was even worse and I’m ashamed to repeat them even as I reminisce as a sixty-something year old woman. I hung up. On Joe. And the next day tried to call him, to apologise. He didn’t pick up. And I found out through another friend that he had slashed his wrists, and was taken to A & E by his flatmate. Joe survived and was stitched up. I was too selfish and guilty to go and see him in his ward. Then I broke up with Joe. And, following that, cut him off as best as I could. Until he stopped trying to contact me or continue a form of friendship. Yes, I was a complete cunt to Joe Linton. In my third year I did a placement in another city. And Joe’s course was only three years long as opposed to my four: so in my 4th year I didn’t have to fret about seeing him around. And I tried to lose interest in him. Until a couple of years later, after I had graduated. Where I saw his name in an arts magazine. He’d directed a film. And when I looked on his social media accounts, I saw that he’d already made films before that. They were being shown in festivals. Short flicks. Interviews and lots of hooray likes and support from friends. And I thought it was cool and was glad for him. And then when he was 28 he made a full feature film. I mean, proper. As director. It became famous across my home city. And then nationally. A jumble of years after that there was a follow up, and he was appearing on the radio and TV and newspapers, etc etc, all over the joint. I started to get jealous. Or, I already was envious, and didn’t appreciate hearing his name. Because I was now in my thirties, and had stopped painting quite some time ago. I worked a shitty office job. My artwork had never gone a single valid adventure. I had some sad oil paint tubes shut away in a cupboard in my flat, and that was it. And, well: the rest of this story is basically that. This. Joe Linton became a very successful film director. And, me? I never became anything. I eventually met another man in my dull office joint, and we had two kids together, and soon I’ll be a grandmother. That’s all I ever did with my life. I have no name. Do you feel sorry for me? I certainly don’t. If anything, it was thoroughly deserved – considering how mean I was to Joe, back when he was so young. And I often think how easier it would have been (as sick as this is to admit) if he had bled to death that night, after I attacked his artwork. Because it would’ve erased all of that envy and threat that I’ve felt for the 40 years that he has only kept succeeding with his cinema. What I do hope, is that I’m not such a horrible person anymore. I try not to be. There have been a few moments where I’ve thought about getting in touch with Joe again. Just to say Hi. But, it would be too odd. Sometimes you have to leave Time as it is – for Time is way too vast and beyond our mental abilities as mere people. There are other times I wish I’d never met Joe Linton. I never tell people he used to be my boyfriend. People would just look at what I am now, and simply think, ‘Oh well.’

[cina-full-moon-xanadium]

I suspect for the exact same reason it upset others.

Put simply: you either love this movie for the tremendous story it tells underpinned by inevitable tragedy, or you hate his movie because... well, you’re not a fan of tragedy for these characters’ ending.

I actually do fall into the camp of not wanting a tragic ending for these characters -- there’s many things I love about OOO and one of the main things for me is about hope. This was still kind of early into my Toku experience so I was coming off of a lot of media that like... was really super dark for the sake of being really super dark? And didn’t have much to say? And both Sentai and Rider offered to me something that had much more optimism to it and much more to actually say with the character deaths it did have. So OOO is a very special series to me for encompassing that through its character drama, the hope that one day Ankh will be revived, that just about everyone is better off for having met each other and then Movie Wars MEGAMAX passing on that feeling of hope to a far-off future that needs it. So this movie’s premise wasn’t really what I wanted.

But I also like to accept a piece of media on its own terms and see how well it succeeds at its own premise. So this doesn’t factor in that much to me in how good I think the movie is or how much I ultimately like it: it’s tragic, yes, but it uses that to make an absolute emotional rollercoaster of a movie that brings it all back to that incredibly intoxicating relationship Eiji and Ankh has. It does this to do one of the biggest role reversals in the franchise that makes you realise how much you loved these two (Eiji being taken over by a Greeed and Ankh becoming Tajador and fighting alongside a spirit of Eiji!! Like, come ON that fucking got me!!!) and it would just be weaker without going as hard as it did on its ultimate ending.

I like optimistic endings. I like it when my favourite characters survive to the end and make a happy future for themselves. But I think too many people are too quick to judge character death as ‘pointless’ and ‘overly dark’ and that it obscures them from seeing what a piece of media is trying to do and the story it’s ultimately trying to convey. You don’t have to like it and you don’t have to watch it if the idea hurts you so much, but once you learn to accept all these different premises on their own terms you open yourself up to a stunning and beautiful world of art and all it can accomplish.

[andrewmoocow]

The Trial of Black Rutile (originally posted on August 8, 2022)

AN: After like, a few weeks of waiting, we finally return to Earth for the next installment of the Steven Universe: Alternate Future-verse, The Trial of Black Rutile! For those just joining us, Black Rutile was the main antagonist of Steven Universe: Alternate Future who wanted to topple the current regime and make herself the new ruler of all Gemkind out of a burning hatred for Pink Diamond that extended to our boy Steven. However, those plans quickly went up in smoke and now she's forced to stand trial for her crimes against both humanity and Gems. This shall serve as a midquel to The Future and as the pilot movie for the next installment, Little Homeworld Life. But now, here we can finally learn the method to Black Rutile's madness as we examine her origins, and where she might go next.

Cast:

Noël Wells as Black Rutile

Lauren Ash as White Topaz

Zach Callison as Steven

Estelle as Garnet

Michaela Dietz as Amethyst

Deedee Magno-Hall as Pearl, Volleyball, Yellow Pearl

Shelby Rabara as Peridot

Jennifer Paz as Lapis, Laz, Zuli

Uzo Aduba as Bismuth

Grace Rolek as Connie

Tom Scharpling as Greg

Kimberly Brooks as Jasper

Patti LuPone as Yellow Diamond

Lisa Hannigan as Blue Diamond

Christine Ebersole as White Diamond

Susan Egan as Pink Diamond

Casey Lee Williams as Cat's Eye

Della Saba as Aquamarine

Charlyne Yi as Eyeball, Navy, Doc, Army, Leggy, Ruby

Erica Luttrell as Sapphire

Christine Pedi as Holly Blue Agate

Hayley Kiyoko as Morganite

Jinkx Monsoon as Emerald

Kari Wahlgren as Pyrope

Melissa Fahn as Demantoid

Amy Sedaris as Yellow Zircon

Sarah Stiles as Spinel

Aparna Nancherla as Lemon Jade

Lin-Manuel Miranda as President Eduardo Suarez

Wendie Malick as Vice President Theresa Maxwell

GZA as Major General Wade Grant

Kevin Michael Richardson as Bailiff

Featuring Matthew Rhys as Dr. James Brenner

And Steven Rattazzi as Judge Quincy Hibbert

--

"Come on Topaz; you wouldn't hurt your bestest friend ever, right?"

"How many times do I have to tell you this? You're a bad friend."

That would be the last exchange Black Rutile would have with her traitorous sidekick and bodyguard White Topaz before she poofed her former boss, ending the Rutile's reign of terror at long last. Just moments earlier, Black Rutile was engaged in a clash of ideals and fists with White Topaz and her new friend Jasper through fusing into Pietersite with her two most loyal remaining subjects, Aquamarine, and Eyeball. Though the battle was tremendous and much damage to Beach City was caused, Black Rutile ultimately lost.

Afterward, there were debates on what to do with Black Rutile now that her plans had been foiled for good. Some wanted her to be shattered to make her feel the pain she put them through, but others said she should be permanently bubbled. However, both would've ultimately vindicated Black Rutile's beliefs that the Crystal Gems were tyrants that only punished those for doing what they were made to do, so the most nonviolent idea of forcing her to attend Little Homeschool was agreed upon. But not before she would face the consequences of her actions.

Upon finally regaining consciousness as her body reformed itself, Black Rutile groaned loudly from how painfully she was punched before looking around at the dark cell she was trapped in, with only a glass wall at the front being her window to the world around her. "What's the meaning of this?! Where am I?!" Black Rutile yelled while pounding on the glass when she finally discovered her reflection. Much to her horror, she was stripped of any trace she proudly served White Diamond, including her signature white cape. "Oh no! Oh no, no, no!"

"Oh yes, you little weirdo." One of the correctional officers declared. "Welcome to Area 42, Black Rutile. You're officially in government custody until you're fit to stand trial."

"A trial? What is the meaning of this?" Black Rutile kept asking. "Where is Steven?! He should be a prisoner, not me!"

"Yeah, threatening to destroy the planet multiple times can do that to you." Another guard commented. "You are seriously mental, missy, and that's why Major General Grant sent out the call for a criminal psychologist to tell you just how messed up you are."

"Implying that I, a Gem who only wanted to do what was best for my people by any means necessary, is a criminal." Black Rutile talked back to her captors.

"Lady, how oblivious are you to the fact that you're completely off your rocker evil?!" the first guard exclaimed. "Before now, I'd be more likely to find guys like you in comic books or movies!"

--

Outside Area 42, a government-owned helicopter landed on the facility helipad. Out of it came a middle-aged man with graying ash-blonde hair, blue eyes, and a white lab coat over a tan dress shirt and cargo pants carrying a briefcase. "Mr. President, it's an honor to see you."

"Thank you for accepting this summons, Dr. James Brenner." United States president Eduardo Suarez said gratefully as he shook the psychologist's hand before he, his vice president Theresa Maxwell, and the U.S. army's major general Wade Grant began leading Dr. Brenner through the complex. "We wanted you here today because we currently have a prisoner who has threatened our world with the belief that she's doing what she thinks is right, kind of like a terrorist only on a galactic scale."

"Terrorist, you say?" James wondered. "What's this prisoner's name, if I may ask?"

"Oh, just a psycho alien warlord named Black Rutile." Theresa replied. "You might've seen her on the news earlier."

"Oh yes, I was watching things closely." Brenner declared. "This Black Rutile character fascinates me so. Does she truly believe she is doing whatever it takes for her people?"

"No, just a toxic superiority complex." Wade responded bluntly as the four reached Black Rutile's cell, where she sat there silent as a lamb. "Let's see how you handle this basketcase."

"I'll see what I can do." James nodded to the three government officials as he was pulled up a chair facing Black Rutile to sit in. "Hello there, my name is James Brenner, professional criminal psychologist, and I shall be examining you today before your trial."

"If you're trying to brainwash me into loving Earth, then forget it." Black Rutile scoffed with her arms folded. "I will not be assimilated into your culture so easily, old man!"

"Calm down, Black Rutile. I don't wish to harm you. I only want to test you." James proclaimed before opening his briefcase to pull out a pair of half-moon reading glasses and some case files on his subject. "And my my, they weren't kidding when they said you were a unique individual. Judging by all this intel privately given to me on the way here, you seem to tick off half of Cluster B on the DSM-5."

"Cluster B?" Black Rutile said curiously. "What are you talking about?"

Brenner clicked his tongue in awe and kept reading. "Let's see, you seem to possess traits of antisocial personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder. Heck, you even possess a strong sadistic personality disorder, and that's not even used as a legit diagnosis anymore!"

"Oh please, you're too kind." Black Rutile took the psychologist's diagnosis as a compliment while batting her eyelashes. "Do tell me more."

"As a matter of fact, I'd like you to tell me more." James replied. "What could've caused all this? Were you powerless at one point in your life and gained power by tormenting others? Do you have any self-worth issues you are hiding? Or maybe a poor self-image?"

"No, you're wrong on all of those!" Black Rutile objected to the doctor's questioning. "I had plenty of power to begin with, and I'm very happy with myself! Are you insinuating that I tell my backstory or something?"

"I would like that very much." James smiled and nodded at the offer. "Besides, it could provide for your case."

As she seemed to have no other option, plus it could give her a leg to stand on in court, Black Rutile turned away from her psychologist and took a deep breath. "Okay, you win. I'll tell you everything."

--

Six thousand years ago, in a Zeta Kindergarten on the colony planet of Demorgon-419, the Gem that would become known across the entire universe as Black Rutile had just emerged. But unlike the shamelessly cunning, devious, opportunistic, sociopathic monster she would turn into in the modern day, she was just a normal, obedient Rutile who nonetheless had big dreams for her future. To achieve those dreams, she worked harder than any Gem ever would at their given job, hers being piloting, which began getting her superiors' attention.

"My Diamond, there is a pressing matter I'd like for you to address." An Emerald said to White Diamond one day. "There is this one Rutile who has been putting more effort into her work than most of her type ever had."

"Which one are you talking about, Emerald?" White Diamond asked her subordinate.

"I believe it's Facet-1E3F, Cut-7WQ." The Emerald replied. "Would you like me to bring her to you?"

"You shall." White replied. "This should be intriguing." As the Emerald promised, Black Rutile Facet-1E3F Cut-7WQ was brought before White Diamond, and she began trembling at her almighty superior's radiant yet ominous aura. "Hello there, little Rutile."

"Greetings, my Diamond." Black Rutile saluted her Diamond in reply. "What have you requested my presence for?"

"I want to speak with you about your performance so far." The head Diamond replied while examining some hologram documents of Black Rutile's deeds. "You have been doing exceedingly well for a mere Rutile since you emerged on Demorgon-419. Normally, I wouldn't give this the time of day, but you, in particular, have been of great interest to your fellow Gems. Why is that, if I may ask?"

"Why am I working so hard?" Black Rutile asked proudly. "It's because I have big dreams, you see! I don't want to be just any ordinary Rutile; I wish to be known and respected across the entire Gem race! I could even stand by your side someday, and all shall love me and despair!"

"My, someone's a big dreamer." White chuckled and patted Black Rutile on the head with a massive finger. "It's good to have dreams to follow, my little Rutile, and you are no different."

"Wow, you were more lenient than I thought." Black Rutile muttered in surprise. "I was concerned you'd go all crazy and smash me to pieces."

"Oh no, I'd never do that to someone so eager to please." White said sweetly but in a rather condescending fashion that Black Rutile didn't notice. "Now, you be on your way, my dear, but I will keep an eye on you for now."

--

"A mere Rutile wishes to move up in the ranks?!" Yellow Diamond bellowed at White not long after the Diamond met with Black Rutile. "She should know her place in the caste system! Imagine what this would do to other Rutiles!"

"Yellow, please, just hear White out!" Blue Diamond tried calming her fellow Diamond down. "I'm just as alarmed, but maybe we should give this Rutile the benefit of the doubt."

Yellow then took a deep breath while facepalming in annoyance. "Okay, proceed."

"According to one of my Emeralds, Black Rutile 1E3F-7WQ has been working exponentially harder than most other Rutiles because she wants to break the mold that we have forced them into, perhaps even standing by my side one day." White explained.

"You're kidding." Yellow flatly declared. "A Rutile standing alongside our leader? Someone might be getting a little too big for their britches. And it's only been, what, a couple of hundred years or so since she first emerged on Demorgon-419?"

"This is a very concerning matter indeed." Blue agreed with Yellow. "I demand to see this Black Rutile at once and see where her true motivations lie. If she plans on a rebellion, we will see that she must be shattered."

"Well, sorry for trying to be fair, but whatever works for you." White rolled her eyes at the younger Diamonds.

--

Soon, Black Rutile was once again brought before White Diamond, though this time, the other three Diamonds were right by her side and dozens of Gems assembled in the throne room as Black Rutile was to make her case.

"Good day to you all, everyone." Black Rutile greeted rather awkwardly, as this was the first time she was forced in front of a large crowd. "I am Black Rutile 1E3F-7WQ, and I stand before you all today because the Diamonds are led to believe I had big plans for Homeworld."

"So, is it true she's just getting a big head, or does she really think she wants to stand out from the other Rutiles?" Pink Diamond whispered to the other Diamonds.

"We don't know yet, so shush!" White silently commanded the littlest monarch.

"And you might laugh at me for thinking that way because I am merely a Rutile, just another low-ranking Gem on the pecking order who probably won't amount to much and can easily be replaced." Black Rutile continued. "Granted, White Diamond was alarmed to learn such a thing, while Yellow and Blue didn't have faith in my abilities, but I am here today to prove them all wrong!" She raised her voice with a confident expression on her face, shocking everyone in the throne room. Even the ordinarily unflappable White Diamond raised her eyebrows with intrigue as Black Rutile kept on speaking. "Even as a Rutile, I was born with the gift of intelligence on par with your average Peridot. That gift has granted me the foresight to know what could truly be best for all Homeworld and beyond!"

The other Gems began muttering with suspicion about what Black Rutile meant. Did she genuinely want what was best, or did she have far darker plans in mind? The Rutile's words continued proving them wrong. "Like, for example, we could strengthen our relationship with the Universal Lords and allow them to inhabit colony planets we do not need anymore or avert any possible resource crises by saving up on materials! The possibilities are endless!"

"You know, I'm starting to like her quite a bit now." Yellow smirked eagerly. "I have heard from the Vosania family that there are some planets they don't feel like conquering right now."

"And what's more, I shall lead you all into battle in the event of war because I have spent endless hours researching every Gem's abilities, weapons, and battle tactics!" Black Rutile had pretty much won over all the Gems in the room by now, having them hung on her every word. "I can be of great use to you all if you would just give me a chance! I can make Homeworld great!"

All the Gems started cheering in excitement as Black Rutile looked upon her audience with pride. All her dreaming had led up to this, but all that was left to do was for the Diamonds to give her the okay. "So, what did you all think?"

"It seems you proved us all wrong, little Rutile." Yellow remarked pridefully. "Your ideas could indeed be of great benefit to our society."

"And to think, all that from a low-ranking pilot." Blue added. "Maybe White was right to have faith in you."

"We shall watch your career with great interest, Black Rutile." White declared with a smile, which was what all Black Rutile needed to be vindicated. She was so happy that she didn't even hear White whisper something to the other Diamonds. "Though really, I just want to humor her."

--

For the next couple dozen years afterwards, Black Rutile's hard work and determination began to pay off as it seemed like almost everything was handed to her on a silver platter. She had earned respect and friendship from numerous high-ranking Gems like Hessonite and Emerald, her own dropship to take into battle. She was given a cape added to her form as a show of power, an eager Cinnabar to take in as her apprentice, and most famously, a White Topaz to serve as her bodyguard, confidant, and right-hand Gem.

"Black Rutile, we'd like to introduce you to White Topaz Facet-6G9H, Cut-4U2." Yellow Pearl introduced Black Rutile to her new Topaz. "She just came out of one of the Sigma Kindergartens on Gustafring, and you'll find her to be very eager to please."

"Oh my gosh, you must be the Black Rutile everyone has been talking about!" White Topaz exclaimed while rapidly shaking Black Rutile's hand. "I am so honored to meet you and be your muscle, just say the word and I'll do anything!"

"Oh my, you're a little eager." Black Rutile purred. "Reminds me of me when White Diamond first noticed my potential. Now, what can you do?"

"Well, aside from super strength, comes with the territory of being a Topaz," White Topaz stated while showing off her bicep. "I can also do this!" She then presented her weapon, a gauntlet with brass knuckles attached to it. "You like?"

"Oh yes, I do like! The Diamonds certainly picked a good one." Black Rutile clapped happily, further exciting the Topaz.

"Anything else you need, Black Rutile?" Yellow Pearl offered. "We can throw in your own Pearl if you'd like."

"No, I can already care for myself, thank you." Black Rutile turned down the suggestion. "Besides, I wouldn't get as overly attached to mine as a certain Diamond has."

--

"Ah yes, Pink Diamond, your eternal archnemesis." James interrupted Black Rutile's recounting of her origins. "The same source of your vendetta against the new Gem order and the Crystal Gems. But now, I'm left to wonder what the source of this grudge is. Did she do something to hurt you in particular? I have heard she can get a little violent at times."

"Well, she technically hurt me in a way." Black Rutile responded. "For years, as I rose through the ranks of Homeworld's upper crusts, I just couldn't help but absolutely despise how Pink seemed to have everything handed to her with no consequences to her obnoxious tantrums! Like, she was given the Earth as her first colony because she kept demanding her own planet, but then she didn't even use it properly because she got a little too attached to the natives!"

"I see." Brenner replied as he wrote down his findings on a notepad. "But what about any personal history you might've shared?"

"Another thing that made me despise Pink was how often I was forced to babysit her whenever the other Diamonds were busy." Black Rutile added. "She just kept getting on my nerves whenever we were forced to pair up, and she always accused me of being too power-hungry!"

--

One day, the Diamonds were busy with diplomatic affairs regarding the Universal Lords. Since Pink Diamond was too young to come along, White had entrusted Black Rutile with watching over her until the Diamonds returned. However, Black Rutile was hesitant to do so due to her grudge against Pink, but obliged out of a desire to increase her standing amongst Gems.

"Black Rutile, are we done yet?" Pink complained as Black Rutile oversaw the conquest of Utrokrang-847, a small planet in the Lairdman galaxy that was home to a race of brain-like creatures. "I'm bored!"

"We'll be done when I say we're done!" Black Rutile yelled at the young Diamond. "White Topaz, keep her distracted while I'm working here!"

"Okay, my Rutile." White Topaz nodded as she sat next to Pink Diamond and her Pearl. "So, want to talk about anything, like say, I don't know, how your day has been?"

"Eh, pretty normal." Pink shrugged. "Hey, if I'm on my best behavior today, you think Black Rutile will put a good word in and maybe get the Diamonds to give me a colony?"

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Black Rutile abruptly yelled as she stormed into the room. "Don't think you can just use me to get what you want; you have to earn it!"

"Earn my own colony how?" Pink asked.

"By, I don't know, actually acting like the Diamond you're supposed to be!" Black Rutile answered angrily. "There's a reason why you're basically a puppet compared to the other Diamonds; it's because you can't be trusted to do anything on your own! You'd rather just whine and cry as the day as long in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, you'll get whatever you want, but that's not how the universe works!"

"You just don't understand what I'm going through because you think you're so high and mighty." Pink argued with the Rutile while their respective servants watched awkwardly. "You think you're so great because you keep working hard, but in the end, you're just a Rutile!"

"That's the idea, I have been working like crazy for thousands of years to gain the respect and admiration of all for a low-class Gem type!" Black Rutile continued. "Meanwhile, you are one of the great leaders of our race, yet you're always acting like a mere rowdy quartz! And not even a good quartz, more like one of those overcooked runts I sometimes have to weed out!"

"Uh, Black Rutile, maybe you should leave Pink alone for the moment and get back to work." Pink Diamond's Pearl suggested. "She's going through a lot at the moment, so maybe don't make her feel worse."

"Fine, I got better things to do today regardless." Black Rutile scoffed in agreement before turning back to Pink. "But don't think we're done yet!"

--

"Fascinating." James declared once Black Rutile finished her story. "So, if I'm correct here, you believed that hard work will get you what you want instead of just constantly asking until people cave in to keep you quiet."

"And that's exactly what happened." Black Rutile declared in response. "The Diamonds decided to give Pink the Earth we stand on today as her only colony, but like the ungrateful little brat she is, Pink was unsatisfied because they were putting dozens of expendable organics at risk. So because she once again wasn't listened to, Pink decided to fake her own suicide and started the most selfish war you could ever imagine."

"While you are my most fascinating patient yet, and I'd love to hear more of your story, I'm afraid we'll have to cut our time short for now." Dr. Brenner stated as Black Rutile was finally let out of her cell by some armored guards. "Your trial is about to begin."

"So, this is it, eh?" Black Rutile dourly responded. "Go ahead, do what you want with me."

--

Black Rutile was led away from the depths of Area 42 and shunted into a helicopter that would take her away from Calivada, with Brenner accompanying the Gem revolutionary, and soon bring her straight to Washington D.C., where her trial was to be held. When the chopper landed, Black Rutile was quickly hounded by the press that secret service agents kept at bay as they led the accused into the building. High in the sky, Black Rutile could also see the Diamonds' ships parked nearby, indicating to her that they would also be participating in the proceedings. "I'm officially doomed."

"If I had a nickel for every time I had a client say that." James commented in reply before Black Rutile was led into the massive courtroom and seated at the defendant's table. The Crystal Gems were sitting next to her at the plaintiff's table. The jury was made up of their allies, both human and Gem alike, and even some of Black Rutile's subordinates past and present. And just as Black Rutile predicted, the Diamonds had shrunk themselves down to fit inside the courtroom.

"All rise for the honorable judge Quincy Hibbert." The bailiff announced, cuing a man in judge's garb with tanned skin, dark gray hair with white temples, and a matching beard to enter the room and take his seat at the bench.

"Order in the court, everyone; I say order!" Judge Hibbert loudly declared while theatrically pounding his gavel on his bench. "We stand here today to accuse the Gem known as Black Rutile for her many crimes against our planet and the universe beyond! Bailiff, read the charges!"

"Black Rutile, you have been brought here to be tried for crimes of terrorism, attempted genocide, attempted murder of a minor, numerous counts of abuse, and attempted murder of our president." The bailiff said to Black Rutile. "How do you plead?"

"Not guilty!" Black Rutile replied. "You just don't have the full story yet! I had good intentions in doing all these so-called "crimes" while you keep letting the Crystal Gems off with a slap on the wrist for their numerous infractions!"

"Name one reason you think you had good intentions?" Steven scowled from across the courtroom.

"Because it's either these lawless troglodytes or me!" Black Rutile proclaimed. "For example, Lapis Lazuli has risked the safety of your entire species for selfish purposes, yet since she's just a poor misunderstood soul who just wanted to go home, she gets away with it scot-free!"

"Wow, really laying it on thick right off the bat." Lapis commented at the mere mention of her past actions.

"Yet once Steven showed her an ounce of kindness, Lapis decided to take advantage of that by abusing his friends at every turn and showing no empathy or regret for what she has done!" Black Rutile continued. "And then there's Pearl, who had previously, and repeatedly might I add, coerced Garnet into fusing with her just to feel powerful again!"

"Hm, yes, these are all rather questionable, but everyone makes mistakes at least a few times in their lives." The judge responded, raising his eyebrow. "But do you perhaps have a lawyer to back up your claims?"

"Did someone say lawyer?!" the obnoxious voice of Cat's Eye exclaimed as she burst into the courtroom and strutted her way over to Black Rutile and Dr. Brenner, much to the annoyance of the Crystal Gems. "Did you know you have rights, my friend? Well, the laws of this planet say you do, and so do I!" she declared to Black Rutile. "I believe until proven guilty, you are perfectly innocent, Black Rutile! And that's why I will fight for you!"

"Do I know you from somewhere?" Black Rutile asked, completely baffled at Cat's entrance. "And do you seriously believe you have the legal expertise to defend me in court?"

"Oh, pardon me, I don't think we met." Cat's Eye extended a hand that Black Rutile began to shake. "Name's Cat's Eye, aristocrat, lawyer, fellow victim of the Crystal Gems. By the way, Cinnabar says hi!"

"Wait, you collaborated with Cinnabar?!" Black Rutile gasped in amazement.

"No time to elaborate, allow me to defend you." Cat's Eye stated as she got up to make her case. "Honorable judge, my client here states that she simply wants what was best for our people, wants that didn't involve making everyone bend the knee and become defenseless, easily conquerable pacifists all because our grand leaders have become total bootlickers towards a half-human child."

"Ugh, her again." Pearl smacked her face angrily at the thought of seeing Cat's Eye again. "And like always, I bet she'll just lie and be incredibly obnoxious just to get her way."

"Uh, who's Cat's Eye?" Steven asked the Gems.

"Annoying lawyer we contended with on Homeworld while you were at the doctor's." Amethyst stated. "Thankfully, Pearl drove her mad and got her poofed."

"So, where have you been this whole time?" Garnet asked Cat's Eye.

"Oh, nothing much." Cat's Eye meowed tepidly. "Just forced to do time in prison and perform community service after you took everything from me!"

"Order!" Judge Hibbert yelled with a pound of his gavel. "I shall not allow this behavior in my courtroom! Now then, shall we move on to witnesses?"

"Yes, yes we shall." Yellow Zircon proclaimed as she stepped into the room just as dramatically as Cat's Eye earlier and sat down with the Crystal Gems. "Hello again, Black Rutile."

"Oh, you're that moronic Zircon I turned into my mouthpiece." Black Rutile said, immediately recognizing the Zircon. "What brings you back here?"

"I was held captive by Cinnabar back on Homeworld, but after I was freed upon your Black Pearls' defeat of her, I jumped at the chance to give you one last payback for what you did to me." Yellow Zircon proclaimed. "Now then, if we have nothing else to discuss, would one of Black Rutile's subordinates please speak up and come to the stand?"

"I shall!" Aquamarine declared as she fluttered from the jury box and onto the witness stand.

"Miss, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" Judge Hibbert asked the little blur Gem.

"Of course, I'm as honest as the day is long." Aquamarine grinned cheekily.

"I doubt it." Garnet coolly responded while Yellow Zircon stepped forward to interrogate Aquamarine.

"Now Aquamarine, before Era 3, you were a high-ranking Gem in Blue Diamond's court up until you abducted several humans based on a list written by Peridot-5XG, up until Steven offered himself up in exchange for the humans' freedom." Yellow Zircon recounted. "After the beginning of Era 3 and the revelation that you essentially threatened the life of Pink Diamond, you were cast out and stripped of your rank, which most likely led to you joining Black Rutile. Is this true?"

"Oh, very true, Zircon." Aquamarine nodded. "Steven took everything from me, but when this most gracious Dalmatian Jasper collected me to join Black Rutile's band of freedom fighters, I happily accepted the offer and rose to the rank of her second in command."

"That doesn't make any sense!" Jasper yelled from the jury box. "White Topaz has been around Black Rutile longer, why isn't she second in command?!"

"It's all a matter of hierarchy." Aquamarine declared. "As a mindless soldier, ergo, White Topaz was lower on the pecking order than her higher-ranking superiors."

"Yeah, kinda true." White Topaz muttered as she felt like her intelligence was insulted before Cat's Eye gave her two cents.

"That is indeed true. Aquamarines hold a much higher rank than your average Topaz or Ruby." Cat proclaimed. "Which reminds me, was your alliance with that Ruby of your own free will, or were you two convinced? I am well aware of how often you two bicker."

"Indeed, when Eyeball and I were brought to Black Rutile, she offered to train us as a way to make us stronger." Aquamarine continued. "Unfortunately, she chose fusion as that way."

"And what is this fusion, you say?" the judge asked.

"Your honor, allow me to demonstrate." Garnet announced as she got up from the defendant's table to un-fuse into Ruby and Sapphire, eliciting oohs and aahs from the crowd.

"Fusion is when two Gems join together to form an even stronger whole." Ruby explained.

"However, the fusion can only be stable if the components harmonize properly." Sapphire added. "We, for example, have been fused for thousands of years, and we even got married not too long ago too." As the two small Gems presented the wedding rings made for them by Bismuth, the crowd began aahing again at the duo's relationship as they combined back into Garnet.

"So, what was your fusion like, Aquamarine?" Cat's Eye said while rolling her eyes at Garnet and filing her nails.

"Ugh, we could barely function together!" Aquamarine scoffed. "Ruby is a complete moron who always accuses me of being a bossyboots!"

"That's because you are!" Eyeball yelled from the stands, only to be greeted by a whip from Cat's Eye's riding crop.

"Okay, that's quite enough, everyone." Judge Hibbert announced as he ceased the arguments with a gavel bang. "Next witness, please."

--

For the next couple of minutes, the rest of the Rutile Rebels, both current and former, began giving their testimonies on Black Rutile, how they joined her, and where they stand on her now.

"After Steven ruined my life by stripping me of my power over those insipid quartz Gems, I was desperate for any form of authority over anyone!" Holly Blue Agate declared. "When Zoisite offered me a spot on Black Rutile's side, I took it without hesitation! If only Zoisite didn't talk back to me."

--

"Much like Holly Blue, I was also furious over losing everything while my foes got away with it!" Emerald agreed later. "I readily accepted a position as Black Rutile's advisor, but once I was defeated at Little Homeworld and forced to go to that school, I was initially desperate to find my master again. When Demantoid and Pyrope convinced me that I was effectively abandoned, I decided to pursue other hobbies that didn't pertain to chasing Lars. Which reminds me, is he here? I'd like to see him again sometime."

"Unfortunately, I think Lars returned to Homeworld so he can return Pink Diamond's ship." Bismuth answered, much to the Emerald's dismay.

--

"I was there when Pink Diamond was shattered, I saw it with my own eye!" Eyeball recounted her presence at Pink Diamond's presumed death. "But now everyone keeps telling me that she never died to begin with, and now I nearly tried to kill her while I was trapped in deep space because SOMEONE neglected to save my team after they double-crossed us!"

"I'm sorry Eyeball; we were in a hurry to escape the Diamonds and head back to Earth!" Steven apologized for the Gems.

"Sorry isn't going to cut it, just like how you won't get a sorry out of me for doing what was right!" Eyeball yelled.

--

"I was never really one for Pink Diamond, so I felt absolutely nothing when she was shattered." Morganite declared. "All that mattered to me was my work and how the public responded to it. But hearing about how she faked her death to start a war while showing little regard for the consequences of her actions just made me question if she never even cared for other Gems to begin with."

"OBJECTION!" Yellow Zircon yelled. "Pink Diamond did care! She gave her Pearl a choice to be her own Gem, but Pearl willingly stuck by her side because they were more than just master and servant! They were friends, and even more than that!"

"That doesn't make a lick of sense whatsoever." Morganite debated. "Pearl was given a choice to no longer be a slave, but she remained one anyways because she had a crush on her master? Does anyone else think that is incredibly messed up?!" The court began to mutter indecisively while Pearl sunk into her seat in embarrassment.

--

"When Black Rutile found me after I was freed from White's control, she and Holly Blue took advantage of how confused I was about the new world and used it to make me a spy." Volleyball stated. "Luckily, I was able to break out of their control after meeting Steven, who tried to have my eye fixed."

--

"Before being enlisted by Black Rutile just before she invaded Earth, Demantoid and I plotted to overthrow Era 3 for ourselves." Pyrope recounted her and Demantoid's battle with the Crystal Gems. "Unfortunately, once we were defeated, our clashing ideals got us poofed, and then bubbled by a certain traitorous Hessonite that was once our friend."

"However, once we were on Earth, we just got poofed all over again." Demantoid added. "We were then kept in Little Homeschool as a way of rehabilitating ourselves, but we acclimated better to our new surroundings once we had to get used to the fact that we were ditched."

--

"Okay, that should be almost everyone." Cat's Eye said as Demantoid and Pyrope said their peace on Black Rutile. "Now all that's left is for Lapis Lazuli 1J9G-5KL to take to the stand."

"I thought I told you the last time I participated in a trial; it's Laz!" Laz cried as she flew over to the witness's stand.

"You know, if I had a Mineral for every court case where jury members had the most abhorrent nicknames, I'd have two Minerals." Cat groaned angrily. "Which isn't a lot, but it's insane how it happened twice."

"Now, Miss Lazuli, could you please tell us how you joined Black Rutile the same way everyone else did?" Yellow Zircon asked Laz.

"Well, it all started on Aozul 2, when I was abandoned by Zuli when she decided to learn at Little Homeschool rather than keep terraforming with me." Laz stated. "I was so angry and alone, and I swore vengeance on Steven and Lapis for taking my friend away from me. And that was what Black Rutile used to manipulate me."

--

A few months ago, on the moon Aozul 2, the duo then known as Lapis Lazulis 1J9G-5KL and 2F8D-9ZE had just split up following a conflict with their old friend 3E8C-4XF and the so-called new Pink Diamond because the two didn't want them to terraform worlds anymore.

While 2F8D was more willing to go along with the pair because she was tired of 1J9 G's abusive control over her, 1J9G was much more hesitant to go along with the new status quo. While she was venting her frustrations by chopping down trees using her water powers, 1J9G received a rather unexpected visitor.

"Who's there?" 1J9G began panicking when she heard a rustling in the trees. "Did you realize you made a huge mistake and come crawling back to me?" However, 1J9G realized she wasn't talking to 2F8D. Instead, a large, grey hand with a white topaz on the back emerged from the foliage and reached out for her.

"Howdy, fancy seeing you here!" White Topaz cheerfully greeted the curly-haired terraformer. "Hey, Black Rutile, I found her!"

"Perfect, Topaz." Black Rutile replied as she emerged from the trees to greet 1J9G. "Hello there, little Lapis. Friendship trouble, I presume?"

"How did you know that?" 1J9G asked nervously, unaware of Black Rutile's true intentions.

"Well, let's just say I've been watching you and saw that you needed a comforting shoulder to cry on." Black Rutile responded pleasantly before her tone turned sour. "What the jank do you think I'm here for?!"

"The trees?" 1J9G replied, causing Black Rutile to sigh as she pinched her gem.

"No, I come here because I can plainly see you're just as much of a victim of this so-called messiah Steven Universe as all the rest." Black Rutile said frankly. "However, I can change that. I have a grand plan, magnanimous; I might say, to overthrow those oppressive rebels and claim the throne the Diamonds left empty for myself!"

"Yeah, she's been planning this for years, even way back when Pink Diamond was around!" White Topaz added, which caught the Lapis's interest.

"I'm listening." 1J9G said with intrigue.

"You're not the first foe of the Crystal Gems who was a mere working girl with a life they ruined." Black Rutile continued with her proposal. "I've got dozens, nay, hundreds of Gems who were left without their livelihoods, and you shall join them if you accept my offer."

"Okay, I like what you're saying, but why go through all this trouble?" 1J9G asked curiously. "Gems are smart; they'll see right through you."

"A Gem is smart." Black Rutile answered. "But a whole group of them are dumb, panicky mindless sheep that I can easily control. I shall continue working in the shadows while leaving some Gems to present me as a well-to-do public figure until the time is right." She then stuck out her hand. "Now that we have that answered, will you do me the honor of joining the Rutile Rebels?"

Looking at her hand, the Gem that would eventually become known as Laz began pondering Black Rutile's offer. Although she was only focused on taking back her friends whether they liked it or not, this Rutile and her Topaz presented some persuasive points. With an eager nod from White Topaz to suggest she do it, 1J9G then took Black Rutile's hand, sealing the deal.

"Okay, I'm with you." 1J9G agreed to Black Rutile as they shook. "But I don't really care about your whole insurrection against Era 3 or whatever, I only want to get my friends back, and that's it."

"Oh, trust me, there will be plenty of room for you and your comrades in my new empire." Black Rutile grinned sweetly. "Now come with me, I'll explain everything about my operations."

--

"And that was how I joined." Laz concluded her story. "After that, I joined Black Rutile in her invasion of Earth, but after Jasper saved my life during the invasion, I decided that maybe it was time that I join Little Homeschool so I could learn to become a better friend."

"And you're all the better for it." Zuli gave her friend a thumbs up from the jury box, which Laz smiled at, but Black Rutile again groaned angrily.

"Yes, yes, everyone loves Steven." Black Rutile snarled. "Breaking news, everyone, water is wet! More on this development at eight!"

"Oh, be quiet!" Lapis jeered Black Rutile.

"Well, now that we have details on each of these Rutile Rebels, it's only necessary that we get to the depths of their leader." Cat's Eye stated. "I call the human sitting with Black Rutile to the stand!"

"Call me Dr. James Brenner, thank you." James introduced himself to the Gems as he walked up to the witness stand with his notes on Black Rutile.

"Dr. Brenner, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?" Yellow Zircon asked the criminal psychologist.

"I swear." Brenner swore the oath. "Good day to our alien neighbors. I am Dr. James Brenner, P.H.D. I am 52 years old, born in Springfield on September 11th, 1964. Before anyone asks, yes, the date is a total coincidence. I graduated from the University of Jayhawk with a degree in psychology."

"Hey, I'm going to Jayhawk too!" Connie exclaimed, only to be greeted by a whip from Cat's Eye.

"No talking, little girl!" Cat ordered the human.

"Anyways, I was assigned to examine Black Rutile while she was a prisoner of Area 42, and I must say, she is quite the complex patient." Brenner said as he presented his notes to the court. "In my study of Black Rutile, I have diagnosed her with antisocial and narcissistic personality disorder, and even traces of sadistic personality disorder, which I find baffling because that's not even in the DSM-5 anymore!"

"Objection!" Cat's Eye yelled at Brenner. "My client here is a sensitive Gem who was merely a victim of Steven's psychotic obsession with enforcing his twisted and fascist views on love and affection."

"But I thought I was the one with the psychotic obsession." Black Rutile innocently added, eliciting laughter from the audience.

"Regardless, young Mr. Universe is an obsessive-compulsive, narcissistic, hero-complexed sociopath who needs to know that his distorted desires are harming others!" Cat's Eye claimed regarding Steven. "And yet he genuinely believes that he's a pure, innocent soul who can do no harm! THAT DOES NOT, MAKE, SENSE!"

"As much as I would love to psychoanalyze Sir Steven someday, I feel you might be describing the wrong person, miss defendant." Brenner declared while continuing to look through his notes. "She claims that when she first emerged on a planet called Demorgon-419, she had big dreams of breaking the mold other Rutiles were fitted into. But it seems she let the power of becoming a personal confidant to White Diamond go to her head as soon as the Diamonds granted her that power, in addition to her toxic grudge against Pink Diamond."

"If that's the case, then I call White Diamond to the stand!" Yellow Zircon exclaimed, pointing straight at the highest Diamond in the stands next to Yellow, Blue, Spinel, Volleyball, and Lemon Jade.

"Well, I guess it's time to admit it." White declared to herself as she stood up to tell the truth about Black Rutile.

"You'll do fine, Whitey!" Spinel exclaimed with her feet kicked up on Eyeball's head. "Just gotta tell the truth!"

"Yeah, but I'm pretty sure the truth won't be very kind to Black Rutile." Lemon Jade said nervously as White Diamond sat down on the witness stand.

"Miss White Diamond, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?" Judge Brenner asked the Diamond.

"I swear." White Diamond answered as she turned to face her former Rutile. "Black Rutile, I know you are a sociopathic megalomaniac, but that shouldn't detract from all you've done for Homeworld up until all of this. But I believe there's something that I've been hiding for long enough, and you must know about it."

"Well, spit it out; we haven't got all day!" Black Rutile exclaimed impatiently. "What, are you insinuating that you never had any faith in me?!"

"Well, you're not entirely wrong." White confessed, much to Black Rutile's horror. "While I do admit you certainly had the skills and experience to work your way up to the upper echelons of my court, I must confess that I didn't feel like shattering you when you first revealed your dreams to me because, well, I found it kind of funny how much a Rutile wanted to stand by my side and change Gem society for the better! But I knew you were sincere in your claims, so I decided to keep you around because the initial thought of it just made me laugh!"

Black Rutile couldn't believe what her ex-Diamond had just revealed. After thousands of years of hard work and devotion to the Gems' cause and how much it earned her, it seemed to Black Rutile that all of it was for nothing. Ultimately, everything she had worked for was all based on White Diamond's sense of humor. She didn't know what to make of such a betrayal, that she initially didn't find the words to express it. All she could do was bow her head in disgrace and start to cry.

"Oh no, don't cry!" White tried cheering Black Rutile up. "I'm being serious; you do some of the hardest work out of any Rutile that has ever been created! Like when you conquered Torioda for us, which gave us some of our finest Kindergartens yet!"

"So that's it, I'm nothing more than a joke to you, you ungrateful pebble?!" Black Rutile roared angrily. "AFTER EVERYTHING I'VE DONE FOR YOU, EVERYTHING I SACRIFICED, YOU'RE GOING TO REPAY ME BY SAYING I WAS JUST BEING FUNNY?!"

The courtroom began erupting in chatter as White bowed her head in shame, and the judge banged his gavel once again. "Order, order in the court!" Quincy yelled for silence. "I think now would be a good time to call for a recess so our extraterrestrial guests may process all we've learned so far."

"That would be very nice, your honor." Cat's Eye agreed while licking the back of her hand and glaring at White Diamond from afar. "The nerve of that clod."

--

"I can't believe this; my Diamond was lying to me!" Black Rutile began despairing over this world-shattering revelation as the court went into recess. "This has got to be some horrible dream! If I pinch myself, I'll just wake up to a world where the Earth is a giant asteroid field, the Crystal Gems are dead, and I take my rightful place as supreme ruler of all Gems!"

"My Rutile, there you are." Holly Blue said as she appeared behind Black Rutile with Aquamarine, the Rubies, and Cat's Eye alongside her. "I am truly sorry you had to hear all of that heinous mockery of your good deeds." Contrary to how the Agate usually acted, she was much more solemn and comforting this time. "Here, I got something that might cheer you up." Reaching to the gem on the back of her neck, Holly Blue pulled out a red visor in the shape of a V that she handed over to Black Rutile. "Here, it was one of your few assets that weren't seized following your downfall."

"Thank you, Holly." Black Rutile thanked Holly Blue while putting on the visor and giving it a test run. "I must say, this is far more advanced than my old visor. Perhaps this could be of use to me." Just then, she looked down at Eyeball and Navy, who were now guarded by their former comrades Doc, Army, and Leggy. "And what's with you guys?"

"We have been assigned to watch over these Rubies for their relation to you." Doc proclaimed with her arms folded behind her back.

"If these two try anything funny, we won't hesitate to eliminate them." Army added just as dutifully.

"Oh, this is how the old gang gets back together?" Black Rutile grinned evilly. "I got an idea. Permission to speak with the prisoners privately?"

"Uh, permission granted." Leggy agreed, and Eyeball & Navy were let go so Black Rutile could drag them far away from their captors.

"You really can make Rubies do anything you want." Black Rutile muttered sneakily before turning to Eyeball and Navy. "Speaking of which, I have a special job for you two. If we are to regain power, we must take our captors by surprise, which is why I want you to pretend you've changed your ways, and when the time is right, seize control of that squad from within."

"A new mission?!" Navy excitedly yelled. "Don't worry my Rutile; we won't let you down!"

"Yeah, but what if we get too used to seeing the other Rubies again?" Eyeball wondered while looking longingly at Aquamarine, who was locked in a debate with Greg over his name in the distance. "If we're not careful, I could leave the only people who still want me around."

"Oh, don't get too dour!" Black Rutile gave Eyeball a hearty slap on the back. "If you do get too used to them, I'll have no choice but to shatter you!" Her threat made Eyeball's spine tingle before the three saw Dr. Brenner walk up to them. "What's up, doc?"

"I see you've been making some connections again." James stated. "Now come along; the trial is about to continue."

"Fine." Black Rutile groaned tiredly as she walked back to the courtroom. "Those Crystal Gems better not use any excuses."

--

When the court finally returned to session, the Crystal Gems were set to take to the witness's stand against Black Rutile, but not before Cat's Eye had the bright idea of trying to preface their arguments with the observations she made during the Homeworld trial. "Ladies and gentlemen of the court, before we proceed with these testimonies on Black Rutile, I'd like to make some testimonies of my own."

"The floor is yours, Ms. Eye." Judge Hibbert accepted.

"Thank you, your honor." Cat nodded. "Now then, judging by what we've heard so far, the Crystal Gems primarily made enemies out of Gems they thought they couldn't change. However, I have been told that they practice restorative justice, but in this case, it seems they only practice it on those they can make dozens of excuses for. And that DOES, NOT, MAKE, SENSE!"

"Wow, she's actually raising a few good points for once." Black Rutile smiled at Cat's declaration.

"Like for example, just like Black Rutile, Demantoid and Pyrope only wanted what was best for Homeworld, and what did the Crystal Gems do in response?" Cat's Eye continued. "They up and poofed them both while robbing them of their Prisms! Meanwhile, Lapis 1J9G-5KL reacted to Lapis's demands she and 2F8D-9ZE give up their way of life with righteous violence, yet Lapis was the one who instigated that fight, and 2F8D just immediately forgot all that like she was the guilty party! That also DOES, NOT, MAKE, SENSE!"

"OBJECTION!" Lapis interrupted the annoying attorney. "We tried to play nice with Laz and Zuli, no matter how much I wanted to convince them by force, but when all else failed, I decided to get dirty!"

"Ha ha! Dirty!" a member of the audience turned Lapis's declaration into a bawdy joke.

"Well, good to know that some things refuse to change." Pearl deadpanned before Garnet got up. "Seems like you're up first, Garnet."

"Wish me luck." Garnet stated before she walked up to the witness stand.

"Miss Garnet, could you give us your side of how you first met Black Rutile?" Yellow Zircon asked the fusion.

"With pleasure." Garnet said while adjusting the microphone on the stand. "We first met Black Rutile when she was on Earth interviewing for her Eye on Era 3 television series, which I'm convinced isn't even real, and she had us talk about our strengths and weaknesses before she left. However, I was also convinced she made us answer those questions to exploit them in the future."

--

"Yeah, I considered that pretty sus too." Amethyst agreed with Garnet when she took the stand next. "I mean, even Pearl brought up how oddly specific it was! And thankfully, I was proven right when Black Rutile invaded Little Homeworld!"

--

"I still couldn't believe Black Rutile used us like that." Pearl said regretfully. "She seemed like such a nice Gem on the surface, and then the next time we see her, she's plotting vengeance on us for all the good we've done!"

--

"For those wondering where Lapis, Bismuth, and I were when Black Rutile invaded, I was simply minding my own business in the greenhouse when I was suddenly ambushed by cyborg cactus monsters." Peridot recounted where she was during Black Rutile's attack on Little Homeworld. "Luckily, using my excellent control over metal, I was able to keep the cactuses at bay before racing to find help."

--

"I was relaxing at home and doing some painting before my artwork got a giant hole in it from a Light Warrior." Lapis added to Peridot's story. "I got agitated since I was working so hard on it for the past hour and took my rage out on the Warriors when Peridot found me, and we worked together to stop them and escape."

--

"When the invasion started, I was busy helping everybody evacuate while taking down Cluster Gems that started popping up for some reason." Bismuth began telling her story. "Just when it seemed like I was gonna get overwhelmed, Peridot and Lapis pulled me out of the wringer with this huge flying thing Peridot made out of leftover scrap metal from the houses we built. And we used to save the Crystal Gems from Black Rutile's posse and escape to Beach City."

--

"I originally sent the Gems to Los Diego not just because I thought they needed a break, but because I wanted to keep them from knowing about my outbursts and how I deal with them." Steven told his side of the story of the Gems' night in Calivada. "But then Black Rutile broke in when I was all alone and told me such horrible things about how everyone was going to leave me because I'm such a toxic person."

"Because you are!" Black Rutile heckled her archenemy from afar.

"Anyways, this quickly escalated into a fight where Black Rutile wanted me to go all out and use my out-of-control powers to shatter her." Steven continued his tale. "Although I didn't cave in, Black Rutile still left me with a warning that everyone will turn on me and that I should grow a spine."

"Well, you should!" Black Rutile kept insulting.

"Black Rutile, shush." James ordered his patient. "Though I must say, Cat's Eye is right on how I could definitely get a lot out of him."

--

"When Steven ran to me for help, I was convinced he was coming for a rematch!" Jasper declared. "He said he wanted to be less toxic and controlling of others, but I told him that his friends were the problem! Black Rutile used that to turn us against each other, which then led to me getting shattered during our fated battle. To this day, I still consider this all to be my fault because I just couldn't admit that I needed help."

--

"I'll admit, maybe a bit of this was my fault as well." Greg announced. "Before he started going out of control and turned into a monster, I took him to my parents' place because I thought maybe he needed to find himself like I had when I moved out. Unfortunately, that made Steven throw a tantrum because of his mom's troubled relationship with her family and how it reminded him of my folks and I."

--

"I was there when Steven transformed." Connie gave her accounts of everything during Steven's time as a monster. "It all started when I called him one morning and asked if he was alright, and he said everything was fine, but then I got this weird GIF later that day." She then pulled out her phone and presented the image of Steven bouncing up and down while chanting, "Steven's here to help!"

"Oh great, he's become a meme as well." Black Rutile groaned softly with a palm to her face.

"And that wasn't all." Connie kept talking before she pointed at Black Rutile. "Thanks to Black Rutile, he went over the edge just like she planned!"

"OBJECTION!" Cat's Eye yelled as she pointed back. "Young lady, didn't your mother ever teach you that it's rude to accuse people of things that weren't their fault?!"

"Well, didn't you realize that you're not a good lawyer?" Connie snarked back, angering Cat as she continued. "Then, as I'm sure you're all aware, Black Rutile brainwashed the entire world into turning on the Gems as part of her overly complex scheme to destroy them once and for all before taking over Earth. Luckily, Greg and I played an important role in saving the Crystal Gems and convincing everyone to come together to save him."

"And of course, Mailman-swindle, you throw yet another wrench in my plans." Black Rutile added harshly. "Makes me wonder why I keep singling you out. Oh wait, it's because you're nothing more than Steven's sidekick, his fusion partner!"

"Okay, that's quite enough." Yellow Zircon shut Black Rutile up and allowed Connie to leave. "For our last witness, I call White Topaz to the stand."

"Friend of yours?" James asked Black Rutile as her former Topaz became the last witness to testify against her.

"Subordinate, more like." Black Rutile replied. "Or at least, she was before the Diamonds brainwashed her."

"That's a lie." White Topaz proclaimed. "For my entire life, I was made with only one purpose, to serve Black Rutile and go along with everything she did. I was eager to do so because I thought she was my friend, and going against her would mean getting myself killed. But spending time with the Diamonds after helping her capture them made me realize how unbelievably heartless my ex-boss was."

"Oh, that's rich!" Black Rutile exclaimed. "Learning from the genocidal fascists that the well-intentioned revolutionary was in the wrong! Yeah, that totally isn't propaganda right there!"

"It was helping me learn that I should find people who would actually treat me with respect!" White Topaz yelled back. "That's what friends are supposed to be, right?!"

"You know what, how about we just cut to the chase and skip to deciding the verdict?" Yellow Zircon suggested, trying to ease the tension between Black Rutile and White Topaz.

"Fine, do with me what you will." Black Rutile turned away in disgust as the jury filed out of the courtroom to decide her fate.

--

"Has the jury reached a verdict?!" Judge Hibbert loudly declared with enough gravitas to take a bite out of the intense atmosphere around everyone. About fifteen minutes after White Topaz gave her speech, the jury returned to their seats to give their verdict. Out of all the Gems standing up, the Diamonds were the ones to decide her punishment.

"After some careful consideration…." Blue said.

"We have decided that Black Rutile…." Yellow added.

"Is guilty as charged." White proclaimed, eliciting cheers from the crowd as Black Rutile gawked in horror. "As punishment for her crimes, she and her present followers shall be exiled to Little Homeschool so they may learn the consequences of their actions. The same shall be said for Cat's Eye, since all she did was make up lies in the accused's favor."

"What?! Shenanigans, I call shenanigans!" Cat's Eye screamed in anger before she was hounded by guards taking her away.

"It's over, it's finally over." White Topaz muttered with relief before hugging Jasper, who then started to blush.

"I hope this makes you realize that you're not the good guy you think you are, Black Rutile." Steven said to his Rutile archnemesis as the trial was officially declared over. "You may think you're a freedom fighter at war with our ways, but in the end, you're just nothing more than a sociopathic bully that not even White Diamond could take seriously."

"Oh, here we go again. "La-dee-dah, I'm Steven Universe! I love emotionally abusing my so-called friends, guilt-tripping enemies into thinking that doing what they were made to do is wrong, and brainwashing the masses to think I'm a poor, misunderstood soul! But it's okay because everyone loves me, and I am totally not a sociopath!" No, I'm sick of this! I'm sick of all of this!" Black Rutile began screaming her defense plea. "The only connection between your mental issues and the sickness destroying your family is that everyone, especially you, uses kindness and love to justify that sickness! You can't just act like a complete psycho and then feel bad about it like that makes everything okay! You need to be better, Steven!"

Steven looked down in shame as Black Rutile continued. "But oh no, you kept pushing yourself to be the worst person you can be, and you're rewarded with the most perfect life imaginable where everything goes your way! You may think you're saving the world and helping others, but all you're doing is forcing everyone to adjust your corrupt ideals like a tyrant! It's just like Pink always did; you think you're entitled to everything because your black and white tunnel vision makes you think you're suffering! But suffering isn't enough!"

At this rate, all of Steven's family and friends had just about enough of Black Rutile. But as much as they wanted to start a fight, they had to obey the court rules. "If you're too entitled to listen all the way through, let me make one thing clear. You are all things that are wrong with you. It's not the Gems, the Diamonds, your no-good mother, or even me! It's you, and how much of a GODDAMN MIGRAINE YOU ARE!"

As the room fell silent after Black Rutile's speech, Steven remained resolute despite the horrible accusations against him. "I know you are, but what am I?"

"No, this isn't fair!" Black Rutile yelled before she, Aquamarine, Eyeball, Navy, and Cat's Eye were led out of the courtroom in handcuffs. "You haven't seen the last of me, Steven Universe! I will plot my revenge, you'll see! Your little cult can never be rid of me!"

"Stop right there, sirs." James said as he halted the guards taking the Rutile Rebels away. "Before Black Rutile can go any further, I'd like to give her this." He then fished through his labcoat and gave the Gem a book titled "Psychology: A Basic Guide" for her to read. "Here, since our time together has been rather interesting. I'll also make sure to check up on you every now and then to examine your progress."

"Thank you very much, sir. I will remember this." Black Rutile growled as the guards continued their way. With that, Black Rutile had finally answered for her crimes, whether she liked it or not, and now she was to live the rest of her days in Little Homeworld, learning to love Earth and become a better, kinder Gem. Although, she didn't intend on doing either of those.

--

"I must say, this psychology tome has been quite enlightening." Black Rutile said a few months later over a video chat with Brenner in her new house. "Like, for example, now that I've read through the section on autism, I'm starting to believe I might have it as well."

"Well, that is certainly a unique observation." James replied. "I have observed how you often isolate yourself from others when plotting to eradicate Steven, tend to hyperfocus on certain things, have serious trouble empathizing with others, and can go out of control when things don't go your way. But like you said, you MIGHT have it."

"Well, I think it may be time for me to go now." Black Rutile responded. "Plotting to destroy Steven again, like always."

"I'll see you again." James smiled as he ended the call, leaving his patient to put down her new book and leave to meet with Aquamarine, Holly Blue, Cat's Eye, and Eyeball.

"So, what have you planned this time, my Rutile?" Aquamarine said as the four Gems saluted their master.

"Oh, plenty of them." Black Rutile smirked while presenting holograms on her red visor, displaying any possible plans to get revenge on the Crystal Gems and prove herself superior once and for all.

THE END

To be continued in Little Homeworld Life

--

And that about does it for Trial of Black Rutile. This turned out a bit longer than I expected, but I hope this answers some of the questions you had about the ending of Alternate Future and raises some new ones about what could happen next. Is Eyeball truly thinking about turning on the Rutile Rebels for the Rubies? How will the Rutile Rebels fit into Little Homeworld after all they've done? Is Black Rutile really neurodivergent or did I just pull that out of my butt because I needed an ending, and I might get in trouble for depicting a possible autistic character as a total psychopath? Well, come back soon for the next stage of Steven Universe: Alternate Future, which I'm calling the Little Homeworld and Beyond Saga, starting with the first season of Little Homeworld Life. Stay tuned.

[en-hale-archives]

Me with You ~~

pairing ⑅ bestfriend!Jake x fem!reader

genre ⑅ friends to lovers, fluff, slow dancing, suggestive/smut

words/read time ⑅ 3.9k/12-19 mins

warnings ⑅ 18+ content, light cussing

synopsis ⑅ Jake is back in his hometown to spend time with his closest friend. During some fun and frivolous dancing, things start to heat up...

author's note ⑅ I’m really proud of how this story turned out. I'm not a huge fan of second person, so I wrote in first, but if anyone asks, I can copy and post again in second person. It's more fluff than anything, but it does get a bit steamier towards the end, so I’m just going to go ahead and put a warning.

————✧————

When the back door finally slammed shut and the cacophony of barks faded down the street, I could finally let out my sigh of relief that I had been holding in since this morning. I tapped on my phone. How many days had we been watching Mrs. Chen’s pets? And just how was I able to put up with hours of barking, the smell of fresh turd lying across the lawn, and dog walks till dark? Including their rigorous feeding times and bathroom breaks -- I’m surprised I haven’t exploded yet.

I had so much planned the minute they left my house, but instead, the sudden silence felt all too relaxing and I laid my head against the cold countertop. I could finally stop stressing, stop thinking, and stop worrying about reprimanding for chewing on my shoes or peeing in the house or the continued barking that never ended. I was free. I felt like I could’ve stayed laid on the countertop forever, drowning in the evening sun. Who knew watching five dogs would take such a burden out of a person. Jake and I had taken on the job of dog sitting for Mrs. Chen while she visited some family in Tokyo. We both switched off every other day; some of the dogs at my house and the others at his; until we realized it would be easier if he just spent the few days at my house as we co-doggy sat. He got up bright and early to take them on their walks while I prepared their highly detailed and specific meals. Then from there, we spent the rest of the day making sure they didn’t run off somewhere or cause too much destruction in the house. But alas, Mrs. Chen came back early from her getaway and picked up Toby, Caleb, Khao, Sofia, and Pickle on her way home. Although I was exhausted from watching 3-foot dogs all day, the pay was amazing for me, and it would help tremendously for all the online classes I was going to be taking next semester.

The warmth of the sun cast a comforting trance over my heavy eyelids, and soon enough I was fast asleep, standing in the middle of the kitchen with the soft sound of nothing surrounding me.

By the time I had fluttered my eyes open, I had realized I was now seated in my dining chair and a large black jacket was placed over my shoulders. I sat up and let out a yawn, wincing at the bright light coming from the tv and shaking my now numb arm awake. I must have been sleeping for a while because the evening sun had turned to pitch of black. The moonlight beamed through the window and danced along with the sways of the large oak tree out front. I stood up and walked over to the refrigerator in which I grabbed two water bottles and some leftover pasta.

I was sure that Jake hadn’t eaten since lunch, seeing as he only ate if someone sat food in front of his face. I dragged my feet up the stairs until I heard the slamming of a book and the fast typing of a keyboard come from the living room. I turned and looked behind me. Jake had settled his things on the coffee table and floor, large books, folders, and several amounts of crumpled up pieces of paper found their way around Jake, himself slouched up against the edge of the couch. He had changed clothes since the last time I had seen him, he now wore a plain blue shirt with grey sweats, his eyebrows furrowed as he worked hard on whatever he was getting at.

“Oh yes, I was starving!” Propping himself up on the couch, he took the plate of pasta. I placed the waters on the coffee table and settled comfortably on the couch beside him.

“I can’t say that I’ve ever seen anybody sleep standing up before. Look,” Jake took his phone off the charger. “I got a picture.” He pushed the screen in my face, and of course, there was my unconscious body laying on the counter, mouth open and all. I playfully pushed it back his way as his face lit up with a smile I was all too familiar with.

“What are you doing down here so late, it’s almost 12 in the morning,” I asked. Jake’s smile disappeared when he was reminded of the work he had been doing seconds before.

He let out a large huff of air. “Trying to get some words on paper but instead it turned into a paper massacre,” he jokingly replied, “sorry for the mess.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I replied, taking a swig of water. I was going to ask if he wanted to watch a late-night movie, or pull an all-nighter and talk endlessly until the sun rose, but I could tell by each passing second that Jake was worried about this, and he wanted the time he had now over the summer to work on his music. I wished I was motivated to work on my own music, but unlike Jake, I wasn’t in a globally popular boy band. My complicated best friend for over 10 years had been working his butt off since middle school. It was his annual time to sit back and relax while he had the time to, but instead, he chose to use that time to help watch a bunch of dogs with his hometown bestie. God, I loved him.

Jake pulled himself off the couch and right back onto the floor, leaving the rest of the pasta to me. He picked up his pen again and started scribbling down words as quickly as he could, trying hard not to forget the lyrics that had floated into his head. Until he stopped, closing his eyes for just a split second, and let out a powerful sigh. Crumpling up the sheet, he stacks it on top of the others in frustration and started frantically tapping his pencil against the table.

“Maybe it’s best to just try again in the morning,” I advised, taking a small bite of the pasta that was left by my side.

“How come I’m having such a hard time with this?” He gazed up at me frantically for a clue, as if I had the answer to fix a problem as big and as important as his was. I looked at his doleful eyes and the bags that were starting to grow underneath them. I couldn’t help but think, because I made you sit up and watch a bunch of dogs with me.

“Do you want me to see if I could come up with something?”

“If you want. But, hold on, I think my thoughts are coming back up.” He quickly grabbed another piece of paper, his eyes narrowed in concentration.

I tried my best to keep occupied by watching videos on my phone, but I found myself suddenly bored out of my mind. I laid out on my back and picked up one of Jake’s folders. Briefly looking through it, I couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous at the amount of fan art and letters, praising him and the other members. Followed with that were just more and more engene stuff, full of nothing but kind words and heartfelt messages. Part of me wished that I was able to travel with Jake and see the world like he was. How fun would it be to meet people that praised you? And how cool would it be to see that you had fans? I couldn’t help but plaster on a huge smile as I skimmed through some of the notes until I finally came to one with familiar handwriting.

Remember Me were the words written on the top of the paper in bold and bright colors. But the message written underneath is what caught my attention:

To the person that makes me the luckiest guy in the world, this song is for you. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same, but please just remember me -- it was Jake’s handwriting.

I didn’t feel like I was breaking any crime reading his stuff until this moment, but curiosity killed the cat, and right now I didn’t mind being a feline. I checked to make sure Jake was still busy, and he was, almost like he had teleported into his own world. I quietly turned back to the sheet and started reading. It was about a girl, presumably his crush I’m sure. She was someone important to him, someone who made him love so much that it hurt. But this was far from a happy song, in fact, it was terribly heartbreaking. She didn’t understand his love, she wasn’t able to interpret it like he wanted her to. But he confesses that he was scared of what telling her would do, worried that she wouldn’t feel the same. So instead, it was like he was apologizing, and asking that she forgive him for not being brave enough to tell her, and if he did ever get the courage to, for her to remember him even if she wasn’t able to love him like he wanted her to.

The song ends like how the title began, and I find myself flabbergasted at the beautiful mixes of rhymes and metaphors that read like a poem. This was the first of Jake’s songs that made me feel this way, like I had just finished watching a tragedy movie with Ryan Renolds starring. I blink back the tears that I didn’t realize were forming. How come he never told me this? We never kept secrets from each other, like ever. It never mattered the subject or the severity, we had always promised that we would be open and honest with each other. I wish I would’ve known this sooner, maybe I could’ve saved him from feeling this way. And what girl could it possibly be? I knew for sure I was the only girl he was presumably close to; but was there someone else?

I glanced down at Jake, who was still in a focused state of mind with the pencil in his mouth and mumbling lyrics softly under his breath. I tried picturing my bubbly Jake writing these agonizing words and miserably failed.

Jake looked up at me as if he could feel my gaze on the back of his head. “I think I’ve found the chorus, but it’s the rest of the song I’m not able to get, and how come it’s so hard to find another word that rhymes with severe? Beer? Sphere? Revere? Appear? Gosh, rhyming sucks some serious ass!”

“This song is beautiful.”

Jake furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Huh?”

“This song I found in your folder.” I glanced back at it in my hand. “Remember Me.”

Jake’s gaze leaped from my eyes to the sheet, and I felt his body tense. “Where’d you get that from?”

“I was just going through one of your folders. Did you accidentally get it mixed up in your fan folder? Cause this is -”

“Did you read it?” He interrupted.

“Yeah, and it’s perfect.”

Jake glanced at me for a split second before turning back around, obviously uncomfortable. “I was watching one of those Kdramas you love so much and it inspired me. Could you help me rhyme with severe now?”

I knew Jake like the back of my hand, so I knew continuing on with this conversation would get him upset if he’s clearly avoiding it. But, I wasn’t going to just let him off that quickly. “Jake, come on, you can tell me anything. Who is this about?”

Jake looked back at me with a hint of something in his eyes, something I’ve never seen before, and something I wasn't able to decipher. “Nobody, I was just feeling really inspired, that's it.” His tone had switched from calm to agitated.

I give him my I’m-not-stupid look and he comes back with his own you’re-being-delusional stare. “It’s seriously nobody, truthfully and honestly.”

“Okay, okay I’ll back off.” I could tell he was starting to get defensive, and when he got like that, it took him at least a few hours before returning to normal. I watched Jake's Adam's apple move up and down, a way in which I could tell he knew I was not convinced in the slightest. “Well, sometimes we go through things that can remind us of situations like that, but not necessarily in that same exact context, you know? It has to be amplified for that audience appeal.”

“Okay...but have you ever felt this way before? Not exactly like how it’s written, but maybe somewhere along these lines?”

I thought I was going to get another vague answer, or worse, an aggravated one. But instead Jake looked down at his pencil as he tapped it along his wrist. “...maybe, but I think everyone can connect to the words in some way. I mean, everyone feels some kind of heartbreak in their life, right?” Jake's answer was still pretty vague, but at least I was able to get something out of him.

“Okay, but you know you can tell me anything, like, anything ever because you know that you’ll never actually have to feel this way, right?” I said, maybe too much in a hurry.

“Of course I know that.” He replied, giving one of his awkward grins.

“And if anyone has made you feel this way, then you know you can tell me that too cause there a sucker to lose out on a perfect person like you.” I teased in a sing-song way, poking his shoulder hard. Jake chuckled and poked me back.

A weird silence grew in the room, and Jake went back to trying to find rhyming words. I tried getting back on my phone, but I knew I needed to say something to let go of the tenseness in the air.

“Hey, crystal clear rhymes!”

He leaned his head back and looked up at me. “Nevermind, I give up for tonight.”

I could see the stress that played on his face. “Don’t worry, you’ll figure it out.”

“Yeah, but by the time I do, it’ll be too late.”

“What do you mean?”

Jake pulled his knees up to his chest and spoke. “This was going to go on our album comeback that needs to be finished in the next four months. By the time I think of something, it'll be too late and I’ll have to wait until the next four months. But by then, I'll have forgotten. This always happens and I have no idea how the hell to fix it.” I couldn’t tell if he wanted my help or just a bit of comfort.

“Did you try asking the other guys to see if they had any ideas?”

“Yeah, but they’re working on their own parts, I can’t ask them to do this too.”

“I’m sure they’d be willing to help if you asked,” I assured him.

“I know they would, but I just don’t want to. I always ask them for help, I thought being away from the studio and being back home would help my brainstorming abilities.” He gave a weary chuckle that almost sounded like a groan.

“Well, maybe tomorrow will come with better results.” I did my best to give him some motivation, but I could tell I was failing miserably at that too.

Jake watched as a car zoomed past the window, a low bass sounding off as it zoomed away. “I bet it’s easier to just listen to music than to try and come up with it. I remember when I would just blare NCT all day long and jam out in my room. It seemed so much easier back then to come up with stuff than it does now. I miss it.” He took a slight pause before continuing. “ Did you know that song you read was the easiest thing I have written in my life? I remember writing too. I just had this super weird feeling in my chest one day so I basically locked myself in my room and took maybe two hours and just wrote a bunch of words down and connected them to sound like a song. For once my mind had just gone blank and I couldn’t stop thinking and feeling that song, like I knew what it was supposed to sound like, I knew what the lyrics were supposed to mean. I just knew everything. And I miss that feeling, that feeling of like- '' He broke off his sentence when he looked back up to my eyes. It seemed like he was talking more to himself than to me. He swallowed hard and looked back at the pencil still in hand.

“Well, I'm sorry you don’t feel free anymore. I wish there was something I could do to make you feel like that again-”

“No, please don’t feel like that. It’s just something that had just recently started happening, something I really just can’t fix…” His voice gets softer and softer the more he spoke.

“Have you spoken to your manager about it?” I asked. “He’s super nice from what I understand. And he’ll probably have better answers than your friend who can barely play the piano, let alone produce an entire song.”

Jake laughed before I had the chance to. “ See, now you're underestimating yourself. Remember that song from freshman year? The one about-- what was his name, Josh?” Jake teased. I grabbed a pillow and slammed it into the back of his head. “Oh my gosh, I thought we promised we’d never bring it up again!”

Jake chuckled and laid his arm on the couch completely turning towards me. “How about we sneak out and go get ice cream and try to not wake up your mom in the process?”

I suddenly jumped to my feet when I have the perfect idea on how to cheer up the gloomy Mr. Shim. “Or, we could do something even better!”

“Urgh!” Jake groaned.

I grabbed my phone and hooked it up to the speaker. I was going to turn on his hit song Drunk-Dazed as a joke, but Jake needed this break from his career, so instead, I crunk up Beyonce as loud as it could go without disturbing my mom who slept upstairs. I turn back to Jake and reach out for his hands, already moving my hips to the music.

He shook his head and threw it back onto the couch as if throwing a temper tantrum. “I literally dance for a living.”

“Okay but this will be different, I promise.” I grabbed the piles of papers on the ground and threw them in the trash, I then pushed the coffee table near the wall and piled his folders and books neatly on top.

“Come on, cowboy!” I grabbed his hands and helped him up. He was reluctant to get up, but he threw one last groan before standing on his feet.

“This will get the brain juices flowing again!” I told him. I go back to my phone and switch it to one of my favorite Beyonce songs that she covered, At Last.

I sang dramatically to get Jake to smile, and luckily, it worked. I placed both my hands over his shoulders and swayed us back and forth, still miming the song as overly exaggerated as I could. Jake still couldn’t help but smile, and it didn’t take him long to join me in the rhythm and sway naturally with me. I learned at our middle school dance that Jake had perfect rhythm. He was able to impress the rest of the crowd when he busted out moves from BTS. Everyone was impressed, including me.

Now we were on a steady roll. I accidentally stepped on his feet a few times, but it was fine seeing as I was wearing foam flip-flops and he was barefooted. After a while, the song switched and played another of my favorites that didn’t match our style of dance, but we still moved slowly to the beat. Jake tried twirling me, but since I have two left feet, I almost ended up hitting the wall each time and Jake laughed loud at my clumsiness. The moonlight from the kitchen had now switched to the window in the living room. It gleamed through and glistened on Jake like a spotlight, just like the ones on the stage did for him. In a split second, I was reminded that he wouldn’t be here forever, just like he wasn’t here for the past year. I tried to not let it settle on my face that I was scared to see him go again, so I played up on the fun we were having now. Jake looked like he was at ease; finally, since he’d been here, he looked genuinely happy and I wasn’t going to ruin that.

After another handful of songs full of laughs and giggles, we were soon sweating and taking deeper breaths than normal. Each song was different from the one before, but it didn’t stop us from sticking to our style of dance. Even with the simplicity of the moves and the slowness of the steps, I had to take a minute to relax. I hooked my arms around his neck and rested my entire body on his. I could feel Jake’s own sweat seeping through his shirt, But I didn’t mind the wetness that was now attached to my cheek. I thought he would act awkward and ask for me to pull away, but instead, he gripped tighter on my hips and started slowly moving me side to side. I let out a long overdue sigh, trying my best to match the steady breathing of Jake’s with my own. It was actually therapeutic: hearing his heartbeat in one ear and the softness of the music in the other.

I tried to continue our steady breathing together, but his had picked up a bit, almost out of nowhere. I felt the heat of his breath on the nape of my neck, and it made my entire body tingle in a way it never had before. After this sudden feeling, I realized just how close we really were. His leg hair tickled my legs, I could feel the bone of his foot connecting to mine, I could feel his thin waist against mine as well. I felt like I needed to back up, but instead, I couldn’t and continued to sway softly against him. A few seconds later, Jake’s hands rose a little higher, planting themselves on my waist and tightening their grip as if they were trying to pull me closer than we already were.

The sensation hadn’t stopped though, it clung to my body like my damp shorts did on my thighs. Sooner or later I felt pressure on the lower part of my stomach and thought for sure that Jake was messing around and wasn’t feeling what I was, which indicated that I needed to pull back before this feeling became too much.

This is so embarrassing. I thought. How could I let myself feel like this? How was this in any way okay? I finally pulled back, the sensation becoming too unbearable, and glanced up at his face. His pupils were large in a way I hadn’t seen before. His mouth was slightly open and a drop of sweat slowly traced down his forehead, onto his nose. That pressure I was feeling on my stomach had now doubled in force, and Jake's face had switched from calm and subtle, to alarmed and panicked...

————✧————

(part 2 possibly...?)

Thank you guys so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! Please, leave any constructive criticism you have on helping improve my writing!

————✧————

None of the images are mine, They all belong to their rightful owners :)

[antitheticaldreamgirly]

KDRAMAs THAT MADE ME FEEL SOMETHING

(not in any particular order)

disclaimer: I just started watching kdramas seriously this 2020. This is highly personal.

These dramas are the best, for me at least, and the ones that made me feel the most. 👌🏻

* Crash Landing On You 🏔

- This has been my black whole for kdramas-I went in and I never came back. This drama made me fall in love with kdramas.

- It is funny, romantic and heartwarming at the same time. It showed that sometimes strangers can be more home than your family.

- I loved the second couple just as much as the main.

- This helped me a lot through this year, I went through a hardcore ‘separation anxiety’ when it ended.

Feels like: a sunny day under a tree surrounded by flowers in full bloom 🌸🌺

Romance: so strong that it can light up the whole of North Korea (not my words)

Strengths: actor’s chemistry

Rewatch? : ABSOLUTELY

* The Tale of the Nine Tailed 🦊

- I don’t watch horror films AT ALL but the fact that I enjoyed this and loved it says a lot about how good this is.

- The magical character made it feel like I was reading a fantasy novel

- Family

- I loved some characters more than others and I wished some endings didn’t end the way they did BUT I understood.

Feels like: a hot bowl of soup on a rainy day

Romance: electric

Strengths: the BROTHERHOOD

Rewatch? : yes

* Extraordinary You 🌺

- the cutest but also mind-blowingly good

- Almost all characters are amiable. They are young but incredibly capable.

- It is like watching anime human version

- Will make you miss your youth (given that I am the same age as the actors)

Feels like: having butterflies in the stomach

Romance: the best of young love

Strengths: unique plot

Rewatch? : definitely!

* The King: Eternal Monarch 👑

- I watched this while it was airing and I very much enjoyed all the theories here on tumblr just as much as the drama itself

- Doppelgänger to a whole other level

- Thought provoking

- Strong independent individuals

- I loved this drama deeply and who wouldn’t fall in love with the male lead who is smart, decisive and loyal.

- The love line was mature without any misunderstanding.

- It will make you cry

- The ending was not perfect but it tied up mostly everything in the end. I wanted to see more of this world.

Feels like: reading a love poem

Romance: literal star-crossed lovers

Strengths: cinematography

Rewatch? : YES

* Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok-joo 🏋️‍♀️

- okay, right now you just want a break from kdrama mind games. You just want a cute rom-com. This is the drama for you!

- This is relatable in the sense that you are not even an athlete but you think you know what it feels like

- Tremendously raw at times

- Light but with weight

Feels like: falling in love

Romance: adorable 😍

Strengths: friends that are family

Rewatch? : the type that you can watch over and over again

* While You Were Sleeping 🌸

- dreamy and also “what a visual cast.”

- The first episode is an entire movie

- It is smart

- Will make you care for people you don’t even know

- One of my fave endings

Feels like: a beautiful daydream

Romance: love in it’s purest form

Strengths: OST

Rewatch? : done

* It’s Okay Not To Be Okay 👠

- As you may have guessed from the title, it’s about mental health

- humanly tender

- It shows how the toughest battles are in your head

- This will make you bawl your eyes out

- Not for the weak at heart

- Strong female lead

- Found family

- You will need a huggg after this

Feels like: sleeping in the softest silk

Romance: chemistry across all boards

Strengths: Fashion

Rewatch? : maybe? Just because it hurts (albeit the best way) and also because I already did

* Itaewon Class 🌙

- This is something you can recommend anybody

- About life-it’s best and worst moments

- makes you wanna get your life together

- Also, it makes you want to wrap these people in comfy blankets and give them hot milk

Feels like: WINNING

Romance: it will grow on you

Strengths: acting was superb and OST!

Rewatch? : DONE

* Goblin ⚔️

- How can we make a list of kdramas without this main meal? Everyone loved this and I must say, rightfully so.

- Dynamic duo bromance

- Second lead couple was everything

- Noteworthy

Feels like: experiencing the first snow fall

Romance: will also grow on you

Strengths: everything about this was iconic

Rewatch? : highly likely

These are highly mainstream dramas because I’m a basic b*tch but also since I’ve been reading everybody’s lists before watching (mostly). And if your fave is not in the list, it’s likely that I have not watched it so hit me up 👇🏻. I have TONS still to watch so don’t come at me.

All my Love. 💋

P.S. Yet to watch: Scarlet Heart, Hotel De Luna, Reply Series, etc. ✌🏻

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 317: My Boy Was Just Like Me

Previously on BnHA: AFO randomly blew up Lady Nagant as a good reminder of why you should never make a deal with this fucking guy, smdh. Hawks was all “well if it isn’t my two best friends, Deku and Lady Nagant, both of whom I respect and love tremendously.” Everyone was all “??” and Horikoshi was all “shh... just pretend” because it was too embarrassing for him to admit that he forgot to write a couple of set-up flashbacks I guess. Anyway so Hawks got Lady to tell them where AFO was hiding out, and everyone said goodbye to her and Overhaul, who never did get to see his boss (sorry buddy, I’ll send you a vial of my tears in the mail), and headed out to a house in the woods. AFO was all “hello Deku :) :) it sure is fun making you suffer :) :) :) anyways this is a trap”, and blew up the house. Yeah, we all here are getting reaaaaaaaal tired of your shit, AFO.

Today on BnHA: The Hawksquad and Edgeplatoon meet in a warehouse and are all “what should we do about the fact that everything sucks?” Mt. Lady is all “here’s a thought, what if we tried battling AFO with more than six people.” Hawks and Endeavor are all “great initiative, but just a friendly reminder that our friends also suck and would probably betray Deku which would suck further still.” Shouto is all “ANSWER THE PHONE DAD” and Endeavor is all “[IRONICALLY DOESN’T ANSWER THE PHONE].” Meanwhile over in Sadtown, capital of Sadland Prefecture, Japan, Deku is all “All Might, as you can clearly see I am completely fine and good, never been better in fact, definitely not caught up in the throes of an epic mental breakdown which is shutting me down emotionally, anyway so on that note I would like to leave you now goodbye!!” All Might is all “[can’t actually form any words because he’s too distraught].” Fandom is all “o(╥﹏╥)o.” Horikoshi is all “(*＾-’) 乃 [pew pew finger guns and barrel rolls into the darkness].”

sweet jesus lord

this literally doesn’t even look like Deku anymore?? this looks like Dark!Deku who shows up to fight you in that one room in the Water Temple. he looks like he’s about to crawl out of my television set and murder me with his psychic powers good lord

holy shit lmao Horikoshi is really just shrugging his shoulders and resolving last week’s cliffhanger with a single line of dialogue

fire is no one’s weakness. idk what other options you’ve got, AFO, but you’re gonna have to go back to the drawing board. maybe try bees or something. I’m just saying. we’re all expecting fire at this point but nobody is expecting bees

anyway so now they’re all sitting in some warehouse somewhere chatting about it I guess. shoutout to Horikoshi for finally giving my man Edgeshot some more dialogue at long last

well, Edgeshot, to answer your question, she exploded. so naturally she’s fine

nah just kidding, Hawks says she won’t be able to help them out much because she’s recovering from being exploded. this is the part where we all ignore the fact that Hawks got set on fire for like a full ten minutes back during the War arc and was only in the hospital for a day. anyways enjoy your temporary plot hiatus Nagant

man there’s a lot of dialogue here and I’m trying to figure out where to insert commentary but it’s kinda difficult lol. basically, Edge and the others are saying that they should gather up the other remaining heroes and get them all caught up on the whole OFA situation. which, hmmmm

like on the one hand, these guys definitely aren’t going to cut it on their own, so it’s a reasonable suggestion on the face of it. but on the other hand, do we really want to entrust the OFA secret to a bunch of other people, most of whom shat the bed during the War arc to be quite frank? is it really worth the additional risk? especially given that any one of them might go spilling the beans to the public -- or worse, betray them to AFO??

also just a quick side note here, Mt. Lady’s character development never ceases to delight me. she’s become so committed to her responsibility as a hero these days, and it fucking suits her. I genuinely consider to be one of the elites now. I mean it doesn’t hurt that all the other elites are fucking dead lol but still

wait what? Death Arms retired??

Death Arms as in the guy who was too afraid of a little fire to try and save a terrified 14-year-old kid who was slowly suffocating right before his eyes?? that Death Arms???? color me surprised. shocked, I tell you

...okay but holy fuck

Death Arms. bro. my expectations for you were low but holy shit. like I’m sorry, but I don’t even have it in me to try and pretend like I feel the slightest bit of sympathy for him or Old Man Samurai or any of those other guys today. thanks for a whole lot of nothing my dude. good riddance

(ETA: so I’m rereading this the next day and realize this comes off as kind of harsh, so let me just try to clarify. it’s not the fact that he’s quitting that bothers me, to be honest. it’s the fact that he’s quitting specifically because he feels like the public is being mean to him. that’s it.

seriously. it would be one thing if he was quitting because he was scared, because now that is human. nobody wants to die, and I doubt any amount of training can ever fully prepare someone to go up against that fear. but the thing is, he never once mentions that, or talks about the danger aspect. instead, I got the distinct vibe from this speech that Death Arms is one of those people who only became a hero because of the limelight. and I just don’t have any patience for that. if all you care about are likes and subscribes then go become a fucking youtuber or some shit. nothing wrong with that! but you didn’t; you signed up to be a hero and protect these people. they gave you their respect and admiration because they trusted you to protect them. and now that they’re no longer in the mood to worship and applaud your every move on account of them being scared shitless because they’re living in the literal end times, you decide to dip. so like okay, fine then. don’t let the door hit you on the way out. anyways lol sorry for the rant.)

anyway so yeah. perfect example of why I don’t exactly have a ton of faith in most of the remaining heroes out there lol. also let me just once again give a shoutout to my best girl Mt. Lady whom I suddenly find myself appreciating all the more

“please calm down makeste. drink some water and enjoy this fresh new jeans pun” listen Horikoshi don’t tell me what to do dammit

fine. it is a nice pun, I guess

-- damn so now Endeavor’s saying that the media is already being fed info by the retired heroes. so for some of these guys it wasn’t enough for them to abandon all the people they swore to protect and to leave their fellow heroes out in the cold; they decided they might as well actively make things worse for them while they were at it, huh. like I get wanting to spill all the dirty secrets from your old job that you just quit, but this isn’t Jeff Bezos you’re screwing over, this is a sixteen-year-old kid

-- like, yes!! this, right here!!

exactly!! let’s not forget that there are already two prior instances of this happening. Endeavor arguably deserved it, but Katsuki not so much

huh. Endeavor seems to have a more optimistic outlook regarding this than I do lol

I mean, this is the same public that didn’t hesitant to blame a kidnapped child for his own kidnapping, and then later on for being the downfall of the Symbol of Peace. but okay then

anyway so blah blah blah, more talk about how they need to use Deku as bait, which basically puts them back at square one, and then they’re all just trailing off into silence and sitting around in the dark lmao this is getting very depressing

SKDJFLSDKJ:LFKJ

SHOUTO?????

NOOOOOOOO ARE YOU KIDDING ME

OH HOW THE TURNTABLES OMG. THE GHOSTER HAS BECOME THE GHOSTEE. Endeavor you petty son of a bitch. and what a brutal cut to that flashback too. “let’s stop Touya together” nah Shouto I’ve got a better idea why don’t I abandon you in U.A. and sally off with Hawks and Jeanist to found the “let’s pretend like we’re doing something to help Deku” club, which basically consists of us sitting around making terrible decisions all day long

Shouto, honey. you deserve better my little Coca Cola can. .........but if you really do have something important you need to tell your dad you could just text it to him. all the love and support, hugs and kisses, you’re doing amazing sweetie. but if you need to pass on any vital information you can just write it down and hit send honey that’s all I’m saying love

now he’s getting another call?? -- or, no, Hawks is getting a call from All Might

ARE YOU FOR REAL HAWKS OMFG

so while you all were sitting around talking about how useless you are, the kid you’re supposed to be protecting was battling another hired gun. I see. please pardon me for one second, I have a phone call to make. the phone call is to RockLockRock and Manual. the reason for the call is to apologize for calling them the worst bodyguards ever back during the War arc. the reason for the apology is because it turns out I WAS SEVERELY MISTAKEN OMFG

JESUS CHRIST DEKU DID YOU JUST KILL THIS MAN LMAO

shoutout to Horikoshi for offscreening this fight. we get it, lol. Deku strong and scary, villains ineffectual and feeble, and AFO... [checks notes] yep, still a dick. the angst arc continues

-- the angst arc continues, SIR

jesus christ I may have to rethink all of my opinions about Deku being framed for murder in movie 3 lmao. never mind. he did it, your honor

holy fucking shit Deku. “he might blow up, so please be careful” fdlskjflk jlskdjflk lwkejflk anyway so I’ve decided the explosion running gag can stay, actually

DEKU WAIT YOU FORGOT YOUR LUNCH!!

lol why do I get the feeling some serious shit is about to go down. ALL MIGHT NEVER MIND BACK OFF I THINK HE NEEDS HIS SPACE

OH MY FUCK I GASPED OUT LOUD

NO NO NO. I KNEW THIS WAS COMING GODDAMMIT BUT NO. NEVER MIND, I CHANGED MY MIND ABOUT IT, I’M NOT READY TO CRY TODAY

shit. shit shit shit shit and OF COURSE all I can fucking think about is that stupid fucking prophecy and gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Deku please. please please please if you really are going to leave All Might here, please be so very careful in choosing your farewell words to him now because have this sudden horrible fear that this might be the last time you ever see him alive and oh god. oh god oh god

DEKU NO, YOU’RE REALLY NOT!?!?

I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYONE LESS FINE IN MY LIFE, ACTUALLY????

holy shit. and the fucking callback to the prophecy now. just in case we forgot. WHICH FYI, WE DIDN’T. but that’s basically confirming that this is all still very much on the table and HORIKOSHI NEVER FORGETS oh my god someone please hold me

and the fact that Deku’s flashing back to it now too, though?? because he never forgot either, because of course he didn’t, and now all this stuff is happening, and AFO’s words are getting to him, and this is literally his worst fear come to life and so of course he’s distancing himself from everyone, and now it’s finally come to even this. even the person he admires most

-- OKAY NO, FUCKING COME ON ALREADY I CAN’T TAKE THIS

I GET IT OH MY GOD, I ALREADY UNDERSTAND THE EMOTIONAL IMPACT OF THIS MOMENT WITHOUT ALL OF THE DEVASTATING FLASHBACKS THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH!! YOU ACTUALLY DO WANT ME TO CRY, HUH, IS THAT IT. THIS MAN THAT HE THINKS OF AS A FATHER, THIS MAN WHO HAS BEEN EVERYTHING TO HIM SINCE HE WAS A VERY YOUNG CHILD. EVERYTHING THEY’VE BEEN THROUGH, JUXTAPOSED AGAINST EVERYTHING DEKU IS UP AGAINST, EVERYTHING THAT’S AT RISK. LET’S JUST PUT IT ALL SIDE BY SIDE. LET’S JUST PILE ON ALL OF THE FEELS

(ETA: just a quick note that even though some of the posts I’ve read have described these as All Might’s flashbacks, I’m pretty sure they are Deku’s. most of these are scenes that only he was there for, so yeah. even though All Might is the one thinking the thoughts on the next page, the flashbacks are what’s running through Deku’s mind right now, and so we’re getting that emotion from both of them, which makes it extra devastating lol.)

wait, what???

WHAT??? do you really think that’s why he’s been so determined to protect you this entire time?? simply because you’re his successor?

-- oh no wait lol I think I got that mixed up, this is All Might saying that Deku feels the need to protect him. well that makes more sense lol

oh my god I cannot

his last words. his last words to him. and we can’t even see if he is smiling, like All Might always encouraged him to do. but what are the odds he can’t actually bring himself to do it. what are the odds he’s actually crying. oh god this scene is going to rip my heart out and STOMP on it in the anime isn’t it. Deku’s VA is going to full on murder me with emotion. not that there’ll be much of me left to murder after the thorough job that Horikoshi has already done here

YOU’RE CRYING. DEKU IS LEAVING ALL MIGHT AND IGNORING HIS OUTSTRETCHED HAND AND YOU’RE CRYING. AND BY “YOU” I MEAN “ME”, FUCK

nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope no words just feels just a big ol’ pile of feels. I do not have the strength. future me... [broadly gestures] good luck with all that

(ETA: LOL, WELL THEN.

what breaks my heart here is All Might. All Might, and everything he’s been through, and history repeating itself, and forcing him to live this moment from both sides because he wasn’t strong enough to fix things.

Toshinori had only just turned eighteen when Nana died. like, I feel like we don’t mention this enough. the All Might we know is a sixty-something-year-old man, and so everyone always talks about him like he’s basically been an adult forever. but he was a child when he met Nana. and he was still just a child when she died. barely a year older than Deku is now. younger than Mirio was when we first met him.

and we don’t talk about that. we don’t talk about how devastating that was for him. and we don’t talk about how the reason he grew up to become so reserved and withdrawn -- for all that he always tried so hard to outwardly project the image of a bold, confident, smiling hero -- was specifically because of what AFO did to him. because AFO targeted him in the exact way that he is now targeting Deku. because that’s what he does. he goes after every new user of OFA, and he finds out what’s most important to them, and then he destroys it. and for Toshinori, that was Nana. if you’ve read All Might Rising, you know that AFO basically killed her in front of him (and only killed her, while letting Toshinori and Gran get away). Toshinori (while crying) later says she was like a mother to him. and interestingly enough, during this same conversation, Gran tells Toshinori that he can see “that madness in [his] eyes” when Toshi talks about becoming strong enough to defeat AFO. madness in his eyes. sound familiar??

what’s happening to Deku now is the exact same thing that happened to Toshinori when he was a boy. AFO tried every bit as hard to break him as he’s trying with Deku now. “the path you’ve chosen is a thorny one. every battle grinds away at your soul with no end in sight.” we don’t talk about how Toshinori experienced this same thing for forty fucking years. and all the while isolating himself, exactly like Deku is doing now. pushing people away, exactly like Deku. because he never had anyone who was able to reach out and pull him back. and those words that he now finds himself frozen and unable to speak -- “don’t push yourself”; “you can rest” -- are the same words that no one ever said to him until decades later, when it was already far too late to make any difference.

everything that Deku is experiencing now is what Toshinori also went through. and it’s only now, as he watches it happen to his student, the boy he loves like a son, that he’s finally starting to realize the full extent of how wrong it was. you shouldn’t have to fight alone. you shouldn’t have to bear that kind of enormous burden alone. you shouldn’t have to push yourself, and you can rest. you can rest.

but it’s too late. just as he’s finally coming to understand it all, it’s all too fucking late. and he can’t say the words, he doesn’t know how to say the words, and then just like that, Deku is gone.

and he’s alone. again.)

I can’t. this can’t be their goodbye. I’m not ready. for this to be how they finally part, and then they never see each other again except in OFA. how is that fair. how is that fair. how is that fair

fuck me. lol. how many pages are left in this thing. let’s just wrap this up lol. so now of all the times for this fucking guy to finally show up

I can’t believe Stain has been here literally this entire time hiding behind this random wall and cutting onions. that was you who was cutting the onions, right. no need to answer that we’ll just say it was

HORIKOSHI JUST END THE CHAPTER PLEASE I’M OUT OF SPOONS. YOU HURT ME SO GOOD AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT BUT YOU NEED TO LET ME GO NOW SO I CAN BEGIN THE PROCESS OF TRYING TO PUT MY LIFE BACK IN ORDER HERE. SO WHERE ARE WE CUTTING TO NOW WHAT IS HAPPENING

Stain did you also let AFO give you a new quirk. what’s with you guys. do you like blowing up

oh nvm lol because they were talking about THIS GUY ohhhhhh my fucking god

THAT’S BECAUSE HE’S SAD, LINDA!! jesus

omfg. and so yes, good, the chapter is ending here now on page 15. for once I am FULLY on board with that lmao

anyway so tune in next week for more adventures of Werewolf Deku!! that is, assuming we don’t finally cut back to U.A. at long last, which is actually a strong possibility considering that this chapter will likely mark the end of volume 31. it sure wouldn’t kill Horikoshi to start giving us some hope after everything he’s just put us through lol. KACCHAN COME GET YA BOY