#Anyway enough of having these mushy emotions

[paintbrushnebula]

Just now realized that we're gonna get to see what Gwen intentionally *trying* to flirt looks like

bc like the few times when she said really sentimental things to Miles in ATSV weren't her intending to be romantic. Like the part where she said "What I always think: You're Amazing" was the most affectionate thing she's said to Miles so far, but that was her being unusually candid out of the heavy emotion she was feeling at that moment, not genuine flirting (at least not to her).

But if she's gonna be trying to make up with Miles and maybe doing some mmhmmhmm rizzing...

And I just think that will be Very Funny to watch.

Because you see the thing with Gwen is that she's not used to being open and vulnerable, so she isn't used to just saying how she feels about someone. I think that's why her love language is physical touch.

This is probably totally me projecting, but I always interpreted that physical touch is Gwen's default way of showing affection because expressing affection with words is much more difficult for her to do. It's like her way of expressing love where words fail her. It's kinda all she thinks she's capable of giving.

(Anyone who knows me knows I'm rather touchy too. With my siblings, parents, family, etc. It's always kisses, hugs, gentle arm squeezes, all that. So I relate to this aspect of Gwen's character a lot)

But obviously, physical affection isn't enough anymore. It's cute and highly appreciated, but it won't reveal everything that lies in the heart, or explain what she believes. It's pretty clear by the end of atsv that Miles will need some words from her. Some good words.

Now what's funny to me about Gwen's rizzing potential is that we've seen what it looks like when Gwen is trying to impress someone without knowing how good her chances are. She tried to make a good impression with Miles' parents, but got really awkward and cringed at herself after every attempt at banter or friendly conversation. This was different from how she interacts with the people at the Spider Society because superheroing is her element. It's something she knows she's good at, so there's no self doubt. But Gwen's a fish out of water in domestic situations. I mean, think about the scene where Gwen invites Miles for a swing around New York. The scene that follows very clearly resembles a date, despite the fact that it's not what Gwen meant when she called him out of his window. I think that Gwen had thought about how this could've looked like she was asking him out, then proceeding to shut down any thoughts like that, denying herself that they were on a date, despite that that might've been where her mind had been. Sidebar, I headcanon that during that scene, Miles did allow himself to pretend they were on a date. But anyway, this moment still has Gwen in her element because she's calling him out to swing around the city as spider-woman. It's certainly not the same as asking to casually hang out in civilian clothes to grab a bite or whatever, which would've been much more domestic, which would've been much more difficult for Gwen to attempt at. Gwen knows what the odds are when she's Spider-Woman, but she doesn't know the odds when she's Gwen Stacy.

Gwen not knowing the odds of something working out is what actively keeps her down throughout ATSV before she returns home. She acted with pessimism, and if the chances weren't high, she didnt want to commit herself to trying something that might not work out in the end--a similar outlook I had and still kinda do have, albeit toward my creative endeavors, not romantic relationships (I don't really have experience in that arena tbh)

But now after ATSV she's throwing caution to the wind with Miles, she's gonna face the music and use words this time. And some of those words, might be romantic! Gwen is gonna have a lot to say to Miles, there's so much she'll want to express to him--has been wanting to express to him for 2 years now! A lot of gushy mushy sweet stuff perhaps! Perhaps some rizzy words, yknow? And knowing Gwen, they're probably gonna have a hard time coming out the way she'd like! And it'll probably be very funny!

for us anyway

Ahh, the mythic struggle beauty of being an introvert.

[wrathofrats]

Mushy May Day 10- quiet nights

Aethers overwhelmed in the infirmary. Omega and delta calm him down.

Thanks to @forlorn-crows for the prompts this month!

Aethers eyes stung.

He stared at the speckled white countertop while delta whizzed past him once again to check someone’s beeping iv. His head felt fuzzy, his vision felt far away. A pressure behind his eyes he could only hope wasn’t any real tears, just exhaustion. The sterility of the air made his stomach turn, an absent thought granted to wonder when the last time he ate was.

“Hey, are you doing alright?”

A large hand rested on aethers back. Omegas voice was comforting, almost too much so. Enough that the pressure behind aethers eyes only deepened as he attempted to blink away whatever tears were forming. It shouldn’t be overwhelming, just the knowledge that omega recognized his emotions and cared, but aether can barely speak beyond the handful of napkins that felt wadded in his throat to express that he was ok.

The silence was enough for omega. He remembers his first couple months topside. Always either touring, practicing, or attempting to tend to any sick or wounded siblings. A constant rotation of activity and need. Delta also barely held it together as well when he was first thrown into the rotation of being a quint, mostly being sent down to help in the morgue. Hes always been better with them anyways.

But staff was short, and something was going around the abbey. It was just a couple minutes past midnight before they all had even gotten the chance to breathe. Aether felt as if he was holding constant pressure on a wound. Enough attention and force to hold the blood in, until it eventually stopped. The moment to calm down leaving it to bleed freely.

The beeping from down the hall stopped. Silence fell over the wing as static rushed to fill the space in aethers head.

“Just take a second aether, sit down” omega pulled out a chair and lightly pushed on his shoulder to get him to sit. Aether played with his hands nervously in his lap. He feels like he had forgotten something, like there was a mistake he missed, like there had to be something else to do.

Delta soon walked back to take his own seat in the nurses station, giving omega a concerned look over aether state.

“Jellyfish, can you grab aether some water?” Omega said quietly over his shoulder “and maybe one of the expired granola bars”

“I’m fine omega” aether finally spoke, looking up at the older ghoul. “Just a long night, I can handle it”

“It’s ok if you can’t”

Omega pulled up another chair into their little triangle when delta handed him the small snacks. It was a nice peaceful moment between them, omega wondered how many times they’d been able to sit together without it being band or work related.

“You haven’t drank any water in 5 hours. You’re upset because you’re dehydrated and hungry” delta mentioned matter of factly. Aether had to snort at the bluntness, taking a small swig of his water.

“Again, I’ll be ok. I’ll get used to it, a lot happened tonight but it’s fine” the granola bar made him cringe. The spoiled plastic taste on his tongue making him take another larger drink of water. He would have to tell papa later they needed a better supply of food back here, though he’s sure the others have mentioned it.

“Even delta still can’t handle it aeth, that’s why we banish him to the morgue. So we definitely don’t expect you to be ok with everything so soon” omega joked, sending a lighthearted smile to delta.

“I thought they sent delta to the morgue because he made the siblings uncomfortable?”

“They did” delta said

They couldn’t help but all giggle with each other, half a joke and half a truth, but delta never minded.

“You’re doing great, kid, just know that. I’m proud to have you here with us. Besides, the siblings love you”

“They do?” Aether asked

“Yeah, one earlier said that she wanted you to take her temperature with your-“

“Delta” omega warned

[ewyaschild]

Hmm for Lo’ak how about..

Him feeling extremely insecure due to him having some “sky people” traits such as 5 fingers, eyebrows, etc and people constantly telling him he has “demon blood”

We obviously come to the rescue though with kisses, and he’s all soft and subby laying with his back on the ground and we’re just kissing all his “insecurities” away.

Feel free to add in anything else you think would be a good idea 😉

i hope u don't mind that i turned this into headcanons! 💌

insecure lo'ak headcanons ⚘

sfw :

he obvi has his own features he's not so fond

you often find him comparing himself to neteyam

he'll say stuff like :

"why can't i look like him? why can't i look normal?"

he barley shows this with deep emotion because he doesn't want to be a burden but will talk if you ask

he adores you so much that he's slowly being convinced out of his insecurities due to your kind words.

he loves it when you kiss his hands, face, or any part of his body he doesn't like

lo'ak feels so at peace with you because you make him feel so welcomed, so normal

often he will come into your marui unannounced when he's feeling really down

crawls over to you like a dog LMAO and just plops himself on top of you,

he wants u to hold him like he's ur baby and that's what you'll do!!!

he kisses spots on your face (brow bone, eyes, lips) when he's feeling insecure about his

NOBODY can cheer him up like you do.

every time you give him a sweet pep talk, he always gets so mushy and soft

he shows his appreciation and thanks by physical affection

kiri will tease him a lot about certain features because she also shares them, but doesn't know how personal lo'ak takes it ☠️ so he goes to you to complain

"she called me unibrow today! my eyebrows are thinner than hers!"

he is never shy or hides his hands or face cause he likes the way you praise and support his avatar/human-like features :)

nsfw:

lo'ak looooovessss it when you give his hands attention!!! lo'ak with a hand kink!!! i said it!!!

anything that ranges from a hand massage to sucking on his fingers, he'll whine and beg you to do it

"please... it feels good when you use your mouth..."

after training or hunting he'll come to your marui (or shared one)

and will touch your body all over until you grab his hands and kneed them into yours, it drives him NUTS

after a while he'll start whining and moaning because it feels so good.

you'll say something like "show me what those hands do."

you say it as a joke and internally cringe but it genuinely turns him on ☠️

he loves it when you use your hands too

his favorite position is when you're on top of him, kissing his face and rubbing his arms / hands

usually it's soft and wholesome but then soon enough a boner is rubbing against your thigh because he's enjoying it way too much

if you continue this without paying attention to his "problem" he'll end up cumming in his loincloth untouched anyways

with that being said, when you're sucking on his fingers during any type of sexual activity he cums immediately

he loves watching you enjoy the parts of himself he doesn't, it gets him off

there will definitely be times when you're in public and you subconsciously give him a hand massage since it's such a regular routine

you snap out of it when you hear heavy breathing and almost unnoticeable whines coming from your boyfriend

"baby- please not right now?"

he'll plead you to stop because it's embarrassing how much he enjoys it

but you'll tease him and say something like

"but i thought you love this lo'?"

it feels so amazing he doesn't want to stop you so he ends up excusing you both and going somewhere private

he doesn't like telling you exactly what he wants verbally because it's sooo humiliating for him. what if someone hears?

but you love to pry it out of him

he'll be tapping your thighs and rubbing your back or waist more than usual

you'll hit him with the "what do you want?" cus you know he wants something

"what? i cant touch my (partner) anymore?"

cause he's embarrassed

"tell me what you want, baby."

he'll start to get frustrated at this point

"you know what i want..."

this goes on until he's honestly begging you to touch him because lo'ak is stubborn and won't listen for shit unless it's 100% in his favor!

a/n: i love making headcanons omg?? if u see this and like it send requestsssss lolz

[teardrop-scales]

For once a number one

(Adam x female!reader)

A.N: this is purely self indulgent, but I decided to publish this anyway. Hurt-comfort I guess and general fluff, although this is Adam we're talking about, so of course there are swear words and some suggestive stuff.

Please note that english is not my first language, so there might be some mistakes. Also, my Adam is probably ooc.

(Also I suck at beginnings, endings and titles, sorry ><)

You don't even hear him come in.

No wonder, since you are currently blasting his band's music on full volume. Mostly 'Stick it to the man' to be honest; until now it always helped you cheer up and relax a little if you were angry at something or someone. But this time even this wasn't helping. Still you refuse to turn it off because you love your boyfriend's voice and his music (even though you won't ever tell him that, his ego is big enough as it is).

So here you are, laying on the couch with 'Stick it to the Man' blasting in the background, still in your more formal and nicer clothes, not even having the strength to change into more comfy ones, only forcing yourself to take off your boots once you got inside.

Pathetic much.

And so, that's why you almost have a heart attack when the loud music suddenly stops and you hear the voice of your boyfriend, this time talking and standing a few meters away from the couch.

"Heyyy, I see your music taste is still intact, babes! Though if you wanted to hear my singing, you could've just asked me for a private concert. For a price, 'course~."

You don't bother to look up at him, but you can imagine the smug grin on his face and the wiggling of his eyebrows.

To be honest, you thought you had more time until Adam comes home. You didn't want him to see you like this. He never was very good at this 'mushy, sappy emotional shit' (his words). And you really don't have the strength now to deal with his mocking and teasing.

So you just groan in response.

Even though Adam isn't usually really good at reading people and their emotions, your state makes it clear even for him that something is wrong.

"Geez, the fuck is up your ass?" He hisses, walking towards the couch and putting a cold palm on your forehead to check for fever. "You sick or somethin'?"

You, albeit a bit reluctantly, swat his hand away.

"I'm not sick. I have some other problems, you wouldn't understand." You respond, still laying on the couch, pathways made from tears still visible and fresh on your cheeks.

Adam scoffs and puts his hands on his hips.

"Try me, bitch."

You finally look him in the eyes, skeptically.

"Are you really gonna listen to me yap about this? Without cutting me off and mocking me?" Somehow you want him to both go away and stay right beside you.

"You always listen to me when I'm fucking mad at something and need to talk it out." He shrugs. "The least I can do is return the favor for once, since I'm so generous and in a good mood today. Now move your ass."

Adam makes the 'shoo' gesture with his hand, and you move a bit to the side on the couch, making space for him to sit down. Once he plops down on the couch, you put your head in his lap.

"Where to even start." You say in a bit of a sarcastic manner, your voice breaking just a bit once again.

You tell him everything, somehow managing to not break down again during the tale. You tell him how your friend got bored of you when another, seemingly more interesting and fun person than you appeared. How when the tree of you hang out, they paid more attention to the new person, only rarely talking to you and when they did, they were a lot colder towards you. It wasn't fucking fair. You were there longer and you always tried your best to be a good friend, the best you could be. And it still wasn't enough.

Surprisingly, Adam kept his promise and didn't cut you off even once. Instead, he was on his phone the whole time, but with his other hand he played with your hair. He only let out some hums of acknowledgement every now and then, not looking at you at all. It may have seemed like he was disinterested in your problem, but the way his fist clenched around the strands of your hair during certain parts of your story suggested otherwise.

"...and that's the situation." You sigh heavily finishing your rant after a while.

Adam scoffs and puts his phone down.

"Well, what do you want me to say, bitch?" He shrugs. "I mean, yeah, sure sucks to be you I guess, but why the fuck are ya getting so worked up over this?"

"Well, that's because--"

"Honestly, thought you were tougher than that. Thought you were a badass, not a pathetic little cunt--"

"Adam, you promised you wouldn't cut me off." You remind him coldly, lifting your head from his lap and glaring at him.

Adam rolls his eyes.

"Fine, fine, jeez." He tsks. "Sorry, babe."

You stay quiet for a few seconds, searching for the right words. This is tricky, your boyfriend is not the best at dealing with emotions like this. He can't relate because he has a totally different strategy when someone doesn't like him. Heck, most of Heaven doesn't like him, he just doesn't seem to care. He always makes it seem so easy. You envy him in that aspect, you envy his ability to not give a fuck.

"You know what?" You finally say, causing him to raise an eyebrow. "I wouldn't care if this was a first situation like this. I wouldn't give a damn. But the truth is, this happens to me every single motherfucking time I manage to form a meaningful relationship with someone." Despite your best efforts, frustration tears appear in your eyes. "I'm tired of this. Tired of being thrown aside once everyone gets bored of me, tired of always being second-best, of being the spare friend and 'number two'. "

You shake your head and then say quietly:

"I bet sooner or later you're gonna get bored of me and leave too."

Silence falls. You don't dare to look Adam in the eyes as you sit beside him on the couch, but at a slight distance.

You're not looking at him, so you fail to notice the flabbergasted and almost offended look on his face.

"The FUCK!?" Adam suddenly breaks the silence with his angry shout as you look at him confused. "I'm not fucking going anywhere! You're stuck with me babes, whether you like it or not. Also, geez, I know I'm a major jerk but I'm not like those trash you call friends!"

You finally dare to look at him, amazed. He really seems put off by your suggestion. You feel your heart flutter at his words and his statement that he isn't gonna leave no matter what. Despite his many flaws, Adam always has been very loyal and dedicated to you. You feel ashamed that you doubted him. Before you can apologize however, he continues his rant:

"And anyway, fuck them--"

You raise an eyebrow in amusement at his wording. Adam sees your expression and scowls before smirking.

"Look who's dirty minded now, bitch~" He teases you, earning a light slap on the shoulder.

Adam chuckles and you roll your eyes, but with a small smile dancing on your lips.

"Whatever." You say, wanting him to continue.

"I meant like, stop giving a fuck about those fake-ass people, y'know! You fucking rock babe, and if they can't see that, it's their loss. Don't waste your precious time on those who don't deserve it."

Your smile kept growing the longer he kept talking. Of course, his rant didn't magically solve your problem, you were still mad and sad, but less now. Because now you are sure that Adam will always be on your side.

"...you should focus on people who really deserve your time. Like me." Adam finishes with a smug grin as you slap his arm lightly, both of you chuckling.

Then you climb in his lap and hug him by the neck, minding the spikes on his collar, but still pressing your face in the crook between his neck and shoulder. Adam smells of his usual cologne and you can sense a faint scent of ribs, which he must've had for lunch.

"Thank you, honey." You say softly. "I think I needed to hear that."

You can feel the First Man shiver slightly at the sweet nickname. You know that that's his weakness, even though he always tries to act like he doesn't like it.

You wait for him to tease you or try to make this moment sexual like he usually does. You expect Adam to go back to his usual annoying self. But instead, he sighs through his nose and slowly wraps his arms around your back and waist, hugging you tightly and pressing you even more into his soft chest and stomach. He even wraps his beautiful golden wings around you for extra comfort.

"Anytime, sweetie." Adam says softly while caressing your back gently.

Something swells in your chest at the nickname he almost never uses. The only times Adam uses this particular one is when he's mocking you or someone or when he's feeling especially soft and at ease. Even though you two have been dating for quite some time now, you only recall one or two instances of him using "sweetie" as a nickname for you in a soft manner, not counting now of course.

You smile into his neck and raise your head slightly to press a kiss to his cheek.

You both stay silent for a while, just enjoying each other's presence and touch.

"You know" Adam says suddenly, still embracing you. "If you need friends or some shit, I can set up a meeting for you with my girls and Lute. They've been up my ass recently about wanting to 'get to know you' ".

"That's actually not a bad idea." You reply, pressing your cheek against his.

"Yeah, it's a win-win situation, babe." Adam muses, squeezing you momentarily. "You get new friends, and I get some fucking peace from their pestering."

You giggle.

You were scared to talk to him about your problems, knowing how he is. But now you realize that was stupid. Adam is a jerk to everyone but you. He's always been more patient, gentle and soft with you than with anyone else. You feel really ashamed for thinking he wouldn't listen to you and support you in your problems, even if they are trivial to him.

"I'm sorry for not believing that you'd listen to me and my problems." You sigh. "And I'm sorry for saying that you'd leave me and comparing you to my ex-friends."

"Yeah, you should be fucking sorry." Adam grumbles, grabbing you to lean you away from him a bit and then embracing your face with his palms. "You're one of the best things to ever happen to me, truly babe. I love you, you're my bitch and I wouldn't trade you for anyone."

You smile brightly, placing your smaller hands on his bigger ones on your cheeks. Then Adam continues before you can say anything, like he usually does.

"And if I ever hear you doubting yourself like that again, I'll literally fuck these thoughts out of you. I'll fuck you until you start to see yourself as a motherfucking goddess." He threatens with a grin.

You laugh. This time not a giggle or chuckle, but a big, bubbly laugh. You don't fail to notice the soft, fleeting smile which appears on your boyfriend's face at the sound of you laughing, but don't comment on it.

"Don't threaten me with a good time, darling." You tease after you calm down, putting your hands on his cheeks and squeezing them a bit. "I love you too."

Then you lean towards him and carefully place your lips on his in a gentle kiss. And for once, Adam doesn't make the kiss more heated, instead kissing you back just as softly.

For once, you feel completely and utterly loved and appreciated. For once you're someone's number one.

[prime-adeptus]

it’s so sweet, knowing that you love me

Everything feels better when Genji is with you.

( genji shimada x gender-neutral reader | ~0.8k words )

content: emotional hurt/comfort, some fluff, established relationship (can be read as either romantic or platonic, whichever you’d prefer :)) genji loves u <3

etc: divider by cafekitsune; tagging @angelshub @bitchcraftinc @enchantedforest-network @ghostqueue; cross-posted on ao3

“I have not seen you around recently.”

You look up to find Genji leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest. Quite some time has passed since you first met him. If you were younger, you would’ve jumped out of your skin at his unexpected arrival, but you didn’t. Instead, you didn’t bat an eye, far too jaded to be surprised by anything anymore.

“I’ve been busy,” you say.

Your words feel practised, dishonest, though they aren’t entirely false. Between the increasing Null Sector attacks and the pressure Soldier: 76 has been putting on you, time has felt like it’s been slipping out of your hands. You wish you could be as uplifting as Lena, or maybe as relaxed as Cassidy. It’s never been in your nature to relax, you suppose, having been raised in a disciplinarian family. Yet here you are, curled up in your blankets as you wallow in self-pity, looking the most pathetic you ever have in front of him. 

He doesn’t seem bothered by it, something you can’t decide whether to feel thankful or upset about. Guilt begins to seep into your system as he takes a seat on the edge of your bed. As if he can sense your spiral into pessimism—he probably can, he’s known you for long enough—he laces his fingers with yours, the metal cool against your skin.

A beat of silence passes.

“Genji?” 

He hums, waiting for you to continue.

“I’m sorry.”

You don’t like him seeing you in such a state. Genji caresses the back of your hand with his thumb, seemingly lost in thought for a moment. It’s hard to discern what he’s thinking. He’s been keeping his mask on more frequently, just out of habit, but a part of you wishes you could just see his eyes on you one more time.

“I know you didn’t mean to ignore me,” he speaks up, turning his head in your direction. “But I have missed you. That’s why I came here.”

You manage a weak smile. “I missed you too.”

“Cassidy has been asking for you as well.” There’s an amused lilt in his voice. “He said it’s sad not having his favourite sharpshooter around.”

That gets a chuckle out of you. “His favourite sharpshooter?”

“Yes. And mine too.”

Heat rises to your cheeks at how easily he says it. The fact that he’s holding your hand isn’t helping much, either. Still, it amazes you how a simple two words can make you feel the lightest you’ve ever been. You missed this. You missed him.

“Don’t say it like that,” you mumble, flustered. “I’m trying to mope, Genji.”

“I am not allowing it.” He lets go of your hand and you’re already missing his touch, your bottom lips slightly jutting into a pout at his sudden movement. It doesn’t last long, though, now that he’s shifted his position so he’s laying his head on your lap. “And I was only telling the truth.”

“Shut up.” There’s no actual malice in your words. Even without your other hand coming down to cup the side of his face, you think he knows that very well too. “You can’t just come in here and get me all soft and mushy, you know. You’re so mean.”

“I am mean?” he retorts in mock offence. “I tell you that I miss you, but I am mean.”

“Yeah. The meanest.” You giggle, bringing his hand up to your lips to press a gentle kiss on it. With a pleased sigh, you feel your worries ebb away and let yourself sink into the comfort he brings you. “I’ll probably come back tomorrow. I’m feeling better anyway—”

“You will come see me first, yes?”

You playfully nudge his head away, avoiding his gaze again because somehow it’s like second nature for him to make you feel this way. Like you’re a blushing protagonist of a romance story. In a last ditch attempt to keep your cool, you clear your throat and say in the most deadpan tone you can muster.

“Actually, I think I’ll see Winston first.”

“You would prefer him over me?” You can practically hear him sulking. “And you say that I am mean.”

You find yourself smiling at how natural it feels to fall back into this kind of rhythm with him despite all your setbacks and isolation. It makes your heart swell in joy, being cared for and understood by someone like him. 

“Hey, get up,” you urge him gently. He does so without question, though he still tilts his head at you curiously. You scoot forward, finally leaving the mass of blankets to throw yourself in his arms, pressing a kiss to where his cheek would be. “I love you, Genji.”

He lets out a content sigh. “I love you too. You don’t have to push yourself so hard.”

You fall into a comfortable silence. In the embrace of the one you love, you’re slowly lulled to a peaceful slumber until he speaks up again, this time sounding genuinely concerned.

“But you will come see me first tomorrow, right?”

Your laughter is all he hears.

[certifiedcallahanstan]

The memoir of a horny fangirl

chapter 2

Warnings: This is a pretty heavy chapter, it shows a really vulnerable side to Hazel and the shitty side of the reader. I had to get this chapter done, so the rest can be lighter and more *spicy*. The next chapter will get back to baseball hazel!!

This chapter contains: sa

It’s been a couple days since you had received the picture and you know you shouldn’t be upset, Hazel is a grown woman and is allowed to kiss whomever she wants, it’s not like you two are together anyways. That however doesn’t stop you from trying to avoid her.

P.J invites you to the coffee shop with Josie and Brittany to do quote on quote “studying” which really means she wants to talk to you all about her latest hook up.

Despite your initial reluctance, you find yourself getting caught up in the conversation.

“and i mean it wasn’t a fucking normal sized strap, that shit was like- fucking xxl” P.J moves her hands at least a feet apart from eachother trying to demonstrate the size and josie scrunches up her nose.

“I don’t need to hear that P.J, you keep that to yourself” she huffs and you cover your mouth trying to stop a laugh from escaping.

For a brief moment, the weight of your emotions regarding Hazel and the photo fade into the background as you lose yourself in the conversation until eventually Brittany convinces everyone that we should probably study.

You pull out your notes adorned with doodles of different sea creatures and facts about them when you hear a familiar voice approach the table.

“Hey guys” the voice that belongs to the shaggy brunette starts “Josie told me you all were studying and that..” she looks at her phone reading the text “We are about to kill P.J, please come before one of us commits a felony”

P.J just responds with a huff a mutters something along the lines of “you all are just mad i get more hoes” as Hazel pulls out a chair and joins the group.

You scoot slightly more away from Hazel hoping nobody will notice. unfortunately these chairs are millenniums old and makes and obnoxious screeching noise

You cringe inwardly, feeling a flush of embarrassment creep up your cheeks as all eyes turn in your direction.

Hazel's gaze flickers briefly in your direction, her brow furrowing in confusion at the sudden noise.

"Sorry about that," you mumble, offering a sheepish smile as you try to play off the noise. "These chairs are... uh, not the most cooperative."

Everyone seems to accept that excuse as they get back to their previous tasks. You start shading in the sea creature you were previously drawing in your journal when you feel P.J looming over you.

“what the fuck knuckles is that” she says as she points at your drawing

you look down at a your notebook where you had draw what looks like a eel-shark hybrid

“it’s called a frilled shark” you start explaining as all eyes look at you “they get their name from the frilly appearance of their gill sets. In fact they’re one of the few sharks that eat their prey whole…”

You trail off awkwardly, realizing that you may have gone a bit overboard with your explanation when you see everyone blankly staring at you. Clearing your throat, you try to steer the conversation back on track.

"Anyway, um... yeah, it's just a cool creature I thought I'd draw," you finish lamely

“I think it’s sick”

you turn your head to the voice and see Hazel smiling at you “i mean a shark that moves like an eel?”

"Yeah, exactly!" you respond, a smile spreading across your face as you meet Hazel's gaze. "It's pretty fascinating how they've adapted to their environment."

fuck why does she have to be so damn irresistible.

your thoughts are cut off by the slamming of a text book and you see Brittany getting up “my brain feels all mushy, im going home to take a nap”

Josie nods, putting her computer in her back pack “i should probably get back to Isabel” and P.J mutters something about going to “fuck then duck” whatever that means.

Soon enough it’s just you and Hazel, you try to ignore the tension, but damn it’s so thick you could cut it with a knife.

For a moment, neither of you speaks, the silence stretching between you as you both seem lost in your own thoughts. You fidget nervously, unsure of what to say.

Finally, Hazel clears her throat, breaking the silence with a hesitant smile. "So... um, how have you been?" she asks, her voice soft and tentative.

You swallow, trying to push aside the swirling emotions that threaten to overwhelm you. "I've been okay," you reply, your voice slightly strained. "Just... you know, trying to stay busy with school and stuff."

and not making out with random red heads and getting chlamydia you add in your head.

Hazel nods, her gaze flickering briefly as she seems to search for the right words. "Yeah, I get that," she says quietly “hey um..have you been avoiding me? i’ve tried to text you but you haven’t answered and everytime i try to come up to you you walk the opposite direction”

your jaw clenches as you start putting everything in your shark printed back pack “what reason would i have to avoid you Hazel” your voice tinged with frustration and hurt.

she runs her ringed fingers through her hair and you try not to notice the prominent veins “that’s what i’m trying to figure out, did i do something?”

“not everything is about you callahan” you grunt out as you try to gather all your loose papers

“here let me help-“

“i don’t need your help” you shove her arm away and in the process her hand hits an open water bottle spilling water all over your notebook. the notebooks that has three years worth of research in it

A sense of panic washes over you as you scramble to salvage what you can, frantically wiping at the water with trembling hands. Hazel watches helplessly, her expression a mixture of concern and regret.

"I'm sorry," she says softly, her voice barely above a whisper. "I didn't mean to... I was just trying to..."

You cut her off with a sharp gesture, your own frustration boiling over as you struggle to contain your emotions. "Just... leave me alone, Hazel," you mutter, your voice thick with emotion.

she steps back as her eyebrows knit together “this wouldn’t have happened if you just let me help. Maybe instead of pushing people away talk to them”

You can see the hurt etched in her features, and for a moment, you feel a pang of guilt tug at your conscience.

"I'm sorry, I just..." you begin, your voice catching in your throat as tears threaten to spill from your eyes. With a heavy sigh, you toss your notebook into the trash and sling your backpack over your shoulder

"I have to go," you murmur, your voice barely above a whisper as you turn away, unable to face Hazel in that moment. With each step you take, the distance between you and Hazel grows, the ache of regret gnawing at your heart.

Hazel just presses her lips together and nods before you see the same red head from the photo calling her name in an annoying high pitched voice.

You watch in silence as Hazel hesitates, her eyes briefly searching yours for any sign of a response. Before you can gather your thoughts, she turns away, putting on a fake smile as the red-headed girl approaches.

"What's up, Becca?" she says, her tone polite but strained, the artificiality of her smile not escaping your notice.

you turn away, knowing that it's not your place to intervene in Hazel's personal life. And also if you stayed there someone would be getting punched in the face, and here’s a hint. it wasn’t going to be you.

—————————————

“Did you say sorry at least?” Isabel ask as you lay upside down on her bed, letting the blood flow rush to your head to try to forget about what Josie now calls “they great water incident” that happened last week

"Yeah, I did," you reply with a sigh, your voice muffled from your upside-down position. “kinda.. i dunno. I mean you should’ve seen the way that becky, bexar, what ever the fuck her name is held onto her”

P.J shoves a handful of chips into her mouth and shrugs “i say kill the bitch”

Josie tosses a pillow at her face and huffs “We already have one murderous charge against us, we don’t need another”

Isabel nods in agreement. "Exactly. We'll figure this out without resorting to murder,"

“fine” P.J huffs holding her hands in the air “but just know that i know people”

“mhmm” you hum as you launch yourself back into an upright position on the bed stealing chips from P.J’s bowl.

As the group starts debating whether han solo or darth vader would be better in bed, you can’t help but wonder at this exact moment what hazel is doing.

——————————————

Hazel sits on her bed in her apartment talking about how the frilled shark can unhinge their jaw and eat prey at least twice their size as the red head sits and stares at her.

Hazel has never been one for social cues, she sincerely honestly thought that Rebecca just needed a friend, and sure they made out at the party but in her defense her face looked similar to yours in the midst of her 6 shots.

So here they are in Hazels apartment, Hazel blabbering about the eel-shark abomination (that she most definitely didn’t spend five hours researching after finding out about it)

“Rebecca? did you hear what i said” she stops and tilts her head with wide eyes

Rebecca nods and turns to Hazel “mhm- yeah the shark is like- long or some shit”

“you seem distracted” the brunette mutters “and it’s not called a long shark it’s called a frilled shark because-“ her sentence is interrupted when she hears Rebecca let out a drawn out sigh and move closer to Hazel.

“Yeah that’s kinda gross Hazey and i’m bored so how about we have some fun…”

“i don’t know what you mean-“ hazel starts before the girl lifts her shirt off and suddenly Hazel realizes why this girl has been being so nice to her.

"I... I don't think that's a good idea," Hazel stammers, her voice tinged with unease as she shifts uncomfortably on the bed.

“come on baby” Rebecca whines as she crawls into an unwilling Hazels lap “I’ve heard how good you are in bed”

And it’s true, Hazel was amazing in bed and she has had her fair share of hookups, but usually she knows about them before.

"Rebecca, I... I really don't think this is a good idea," Hazel insists, her voice shaky as she gently tries to push Rebecca away. "I'm not interested in anything like that right now."

“shhh” Rebecca whispers out as she slams her lips against Hazels and suddenly everything seems too much, Rebecca’s lips are wet, the lights are too bright, the AC is too loud. Panic grips her as she struggles to push Rebecca away, her thoughts a jumble of fear and confusion.

"Stop," Hazel manages to choke out, her voice barely audible over the rush of blood in her ears. She pushes against Rebecca's chest with all her strength, her heart pounding with urgency.

Rebecca pulls back, frustration evident on her face. "What's wrong?" she demands, her voice tinged with irritation.

Hazel's chest heaves as she tries to catch her breath, her mind reeling with a flood of emotions. "I... I told you to stop," she says, her voice trembling

Rebecca's expression darkens, her features contorted with anger as she takes a step forward. "You're just playing hard to get,"

Hazel manages to push Rebecca off her lap and quickly stands up, putting some distance between them.

"I think it's best if you leave," she says firmly, her voice trembling slightly with the effort to maintain composure.

With a frustrated huff, Rebecca storms out of the room, leaving Hazel alone with her racing thoughts and pounding heart. As she sinks onto the bed she grabs her phone with shakey hands and presses your contact then the call button.

“Hey what’s up” your voice bellows out from Hazels phone

“Hey i don’t know what-“

“HAHA JK this is my voice mail, leave a message or don’t i don’t care” your voice interrupts and Hazel can’t help the tears that fall down her face

“Hey..i don’t know if you’ll see this but Rebecca was here and i thought we were just friends, i mean i know i kissed her but i was drunk and..anyways we were talking and-“ Hazels voice cracks “-and she climbed on me and i told her to get off but she didn’t and- and she kissed me and maybe it’s my fault but..i don’t know what the point of calling you is because i’m pretty sure you hate me. I dunno, i just needed to tell someone.”

She presses the hang up button and brings her knees to her chest letting out a sob. How could she have been so stupid? Flash backs of when her dad would buy her these new suits and buttons up because he knew you hated dresses, but then make her get dressed in front of him flashed back into her mind.

Despite her best efforts to push those memories aside, they continue to haunt her, casting a shadow over her as she cries herself eventually to sleep.

———————————

it’s not until two days later that you see the voice mail, you’re sitting in your biology class with your airpod in when you click the play button.

“What the fuck?!” you blurt out when it finishes and suddenly all eyes are on you.

You smile sheepishly as you gather all of your belongings and rush out of the classroom calling P.J

after three rings she answers with a “I’m talking to this really hot chick so this better be important”

“You remember when we said that we weren’t going to kill anyone anymore”

P.J hums “well YOU ALL said that, i never actually agreed to it”

“Yeah well…it’s time for some killing..or at least seriously maiming”

as you explained the situation to P.J, the last thing she said before she hung up was

“let’s go kick some leprechaun ass”

————————————

Okay so YOU didn’t kick some leprechaun ass, P.J insisted she could take Rebecca herself and you assuming it went well because as you were driving (well over the speed limit) to Hazels house you receive a message from P.J saying “i’m like 75% sure she’s still alive, anyways if police come questioning you, say a rabid bear attacked her”

You chose not to question her further.

You get to Hazels house and you take a deep breath, you’ve never been good at comforting people, usually you just pat their back and give them water. You assume that probably won’t work for this situation .

Taking a deep breath, you exit your car and make your way to Hazel's apartment. Each step feels heavier than the last, the weight of the situation bearing down on you with each passing moment.

you knock on the door three times fast, two slow, that was your signature knock for her since middle school. As the door swings open, you're greeted by the sight of Hazel, her eyes red-rimmed from tears. Without a word, you pull her into a tight embrace, holding her close.

“y-you came-“ Hazel mutters out as you pull away and she wipes her eyes

“yeah of course haze, im sorry i didn’t see the voice mail till today”

Hazel nods, her expression grateful as she steps back, allowing you to enter her apartment. As you settle into the living room, Hazel gestures for you to take a seat on the couch beside her. You can sense her hesitancy, so you squeeze her hand and softly smile.

“you can talk to me about whatever, you know that right haze?”

Hazel meets your gaze, her eyes reflecting a mixture of emotions—vulnerability, fear, and a glimmer of hope. With a shaky breath, she begins to recount the events of that night, pouring out her heart and soul to you.

And all you saw was fucking red. How the fuck could someone do this to her Hazel, her sweet, beautiful, funny Hazel?

Your heart pounds in your chest as Hazel's words sink in, each one feeling like a blow to your own sense of justice. Anger simmers beneath the surface as you listen to the betrayal she endured, your grip on her hand tightening instinctively.

Taking a deep breath to steady yourself, you meet Hazel's gaze with determination burning in your eyes. "Hazel, I am so sorry that you had to go through that," you say, your voice firm but gentle. "But I promise you, we will get through this together. I won't let anyone hurt you like that again."

Hazel coughs out a laugh and looks at you with wet eyes “That’s supposed to be my line”

You smile softly at her response, a flicker of warmth spreading through your chest. "Well, consider it borrowed for now," you say, returning her gaze with sincerity. "Because I mean every word of it. I'm here for you, Hazel, no matter what."

In that moment, as you sit together in quiet solidarity, you know that your bond with Hazel runs deeper than words can express. And with that unspoken understanding, you both find solace in each other's presence.

[radiant-reid]

Oh! Okay good so I was thinking about an enemies to lovers blurb where Spencer despises reader and she despises him but they have been hooking up and she’s been avoiding him because she ended up getting 🤰 pregnant

He eventually finds out and then they like talk it out and all that mushy stuff? 💘

this could be a whole series or full length fic

"What's wrong with her?" Spencer finally breaks and asks JJ, looking across the jet at you. You hadn't even glared at him for a few days and he's... well, he'd be worried if he cared about you, but that's something he doesn't feel.

Anyway, it's strange for you to just be sitting there. You're being strange and it's making him feel strange.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe someone she has to spend a lot of time with hates her for no reason," JJ replies sarcastically, rolling her eyes at him.

He scoffs. "It's not like she doesn't feel the same."

"Well, someone felt it first." She says, and Spencer can't tell if he's being scolded.

"And someone initiated the hate sex." Emily jumps into the conversation, taking the seat next to JJ.

His eyes widen at that in shock. "Who told you?"

It's a dumb question, and Emily makes that known. "The only other person in the room when it happened, or so I'm guessing."

He doesn't say anything about how you were begging for it that night, and every night after because he's not a total dick, especially if it's not directly to you.

"She's still being weird." He repeats. "Not that I care. It's offputting weird, not quirky weird." He quickly clarifies.

JJ and Emily share a look, making sure he catches it so he knows how absurd his lie sounds.

"Talk to her then," JJ suggests.

Her words replay in his head the whole way back to Quantico, as he tries to profile you while pretending to be reading.

He can't help but corner you back at the BAU floor, dragging you to the supply closet you've fucked in numerous times.

You don't want to be there, so close to him. "We're not doing this now." You tell him. "I don't want to do this ever again actually."

"That's why you're being weird?" He asks, frowning as he, again, tries to profile you. He has no luck. Damn you for hiding your emotions so well.

You scoff, rolling your eyes. "Yes, Spencer. Sleeping with you has been so amazing that I'm acting weird because I can't do it again." You answer sarcastically.

It presses his buttons. "Tell me." He demands.

You shake your head, tilting your chin up to try and stop the tears spilling out of your eyes. "No." With that, you push past him, walking out of the closet and leaving him to his confusion and spiraling thoughts.

What he doesn't expect is Penelope pulling him into her Batcave on his walk back to the bullpen. "What's wrong?" He asks, even more alarmed, and hoping she doesn't know as well.

"What do you mean what's wrong?" She asks. It's a tone that wouldn't sound mad to most people, but it's the most frantic Spencer has heard her voice, aside from on the phone during takedowns. "What Y/n just told you is big news. You don't leave someone alone after they tell you they're pregnant unless you're a terrible person. And I don't want to believe that about you."

"She's what?" The sentence is so lightly spoken Penelope wouldn't have caught it has she not needed to stop to take a breath during her ramble.

His whole world stops, and hers does when she realizes the look painted on Spencer's face is pure shock. He doesn't know. And she told him. And he can't keep a single thought in his head for long enough to develop it into words.

"I'll go get her." Penelope decides, feeling awkward and terrible all at once. "Sit down, you look like you're going to faint."

He does what she wants, sitting there in silence until you walk in, cheeks redder than before with clear signs you've been crying.

"Hey." You say, sitting down on the other chair in Penelope's office.

"Is it true?" He asks, needing confirmation, even though he's already convinced.

You sigh. "I mean, you said I was being weird."

He doesn't know what to say, but all he can think about is you. "I didn't-"

"It's fine." You assure him. "I don't expect you to be nice to me."

"I should be." He confesses before he can stop it. "I should have been because you're...great." Just a tiny half-compliment knocks you off guard. "And I wish you didn't look so shocked when I say something nice."

"Sorry." You apologize, biting your bottom lip.

He shakes his head. "I don't want that."

"What do you want?" You ask, seriously confused about what he's wanting. It feels like a mind game, but you're too emotional to be competing with him.

"You." He blurts out. "Not sexually. I- I think you're wonderful, and I've been the absolute worst person so I understand if you don't want anything to do with me."

Despite your state of shock, which might now be permanent, you shake your head. "I do. That wasn't who I was, you have to know that." He nods in assurance. "And this is so unconventional, but there's something between us, right?"

"Absolutely." He agrees, reaching out to touch your hand. "And I think maybe this could work."

You smile for the first time in a week. "Me too."

[imnotasuperhero]

Don't go (meet me in the afterglow)

Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Summary: Sometimes things can be fixed. Would your relationship with Wanda be fixed or is it too late?

A/N: I AM BACK!! At least I'll try to be more active now. I hope you enjoy this request I've got from @wandabear and don't hate me much? I meaaaan.. if you squint, you have the answer.

I've might end it like this in case you guys want a continuation? I just.. AAHHHHH! Anyways. Enjoy!

--

All in Wanda's body itched as if a colony of red ants settled camp in her skin, and the fact you've been staring at her for the last 20 minutes did nothing to placate the itch.

But instead of facing you like her brain ordered her to, she just ignored your presence, tending to other tables and refilling whatever empty contaner she found, working extra hard to forget about your burning eyes on her every move. Because no matter how her heart hurted to know the truth, her soul wasn't ready to face such sorrow.

Maybe she's fooled herself from the beginning. Maybe you were simply a player in this game her life was, but her desperation to have something that belonged to her was stronger than whatever red alert her brain sent her. After all, Wanda wasn't one to think things through when it came to her heart.

If only she'd paid attention to the crooked path you've lead her through.

But how could she notice the red flags when all it took was a smile or a small, yet burning touch in the right place for her brain to become mushy goo?

All the secrets you both shared in the intimacy of her bed with only the moonlight lightening your naked bodies and all the tears of laughter taking over you, did nothing but to heal her wounded heart. 

"I'm getting uncomfortable with her staring at you like that for so long," Mag grunted, taking her out of her reverie. "Make her go or I'll call Eric."

Wanda could only look blankly at the black eyes staring back disaprovingly at her before her feet started to move.

Closing her eyes momentarily, Wanda inhaled deeply twice, thrice, gathering the courage to face you after all the weeks of radio silence.

"If you're not ordering anything else, you must go." Wanda felt the bile reaching her troath at the venom she heard in her voice.

"We need to talk," your burning gaze on her had Wanda's skin burning in that warm way she loved oh, so much.

"Not today." The brunette nodded in the negative, rushing to gather your remainings before cleaning the table you somehonow keept immaculately clean.

The burning in her hand had her inhaling sharply, all the while fighting with her body not to melt at your soft skin on hers. 

"Please," you begged honestly, and Wanda was never someone to deny you.

"There's nothing to say, Y/N." She removed her hand from your grip, already missing the warm feeling. After all, she had to fend for herself.

Gasping, Wanda's legs trembled as she felt your hands finding home at both sides of her hips, you right thumb taking advantage of her riddled shirt as it graced the soft patch of skin under its reach.

"Wands, I need to-"

"Hey! You better back off." 

Wanda almost cried at the loss, but silently thanked the big guy for rescuing her.

"Easy, dude. I'm not doing anything," you raised your hands as you stepped back just enough to be outside her personal space.

"Touching the staff is forbidden," the tall, ginger cooker frowned upon you, and Wanda didn't know how to react. She's never seen him so serious before.

"It's okay, Eric. She's going now." The brunette took the tray while faking her best poker face as you took your coat and walked away defeatedly, not without sending her one last look.  

"You can do better, kid." Eric squeezed her shoulder before walking away, leaving her to detangle the knot of mixed emotions inside her chest.

But just when she thought the worst had passed, Wanda's heart froze as she saw the figure of someone standing by her car, only iluminated by the street lamp a few feet away.

With her car keys between her fingers in a tightened grip, Wanda walked with firm steps, yet quietly, ready to attack if needed. 

But all the uncertainty she felt started to disipate when, with every step closer to her car, the misterious person showed itself to be... you.

"You don't know how to give up. Do you?" Wanda bit her cheek not to laugh at your exaltation.

"Not when it comes to you. No." You smiled something shy, and Wanda would be lying if it didn't affect her. "I just need you to hear me out," you explained. "Preferably somewhere warmer than here," your sheepish expresion had her smiling something warm.

"I normally wouldn't do this, but I worked a double and I don't feel like going out. I'll meet you at my apartment." Wanda knew it was a risky move. But truth be told, she still trusted you with her soul, so she had nothing to fear.

"Uhm, I don't have my car."

"Get in, then." She ordered when the alarm deactivated.

The ride to her place was filled with a tangible silence, only disturbed by the soft tune comming from the stereo.

Looking trough her periferal vision, Wanda could notice your anxious demeanor, and she secretly smiled triumphantly at knowing she still had some effect on you, which she'd clearly take some advantage of. After all, two can play this game.

"We can either have reheated spaguetti or we can ask for take out." Wanda informer as she turned the steeringwheel towards her street.

"If you cooked it, spaguetti is okay for me," you smiled shily and Wanda nodded, smirking internally.

Stoping the car in her parkinglot, Wanda stepped off her car with her key ready to lock it up as soon as you exited ass well.

"You know the place. I'm gonna shower quickly before we talk. Yes?" She informed as she walked to her apartment.

"Yes, boss," you joked, hot on her heels.

To say your heart has been threatening to get out of your chest all day was an understatement. The mixed emotions of regret, fear and hope had you trusting your body to act on autopilot as the wires on your brain hadn't been able to work properly for the last few days, when you decided to just bit the bullet and fight to win her back.

Hopefully, this time you'd be a better version of yourself. Your story with Wanda was only meant to be, as any true love was. 

Looking around you, it was impossible to stop your mind from reviving the memories you shared in this same apartment. Every corner in these four walls had a special moment that will forever live in you.

"I still don't get why you like this one," you smiled tenderly at the picture you held in your hands.

"Well, it's the first picture we had together," Wanda shrugged as her arms closed around your middle.

"I'm sure there are better ones," you scrunched your nose as your eyes analized the portrait doing your best to ignore Wanda's hot breath in your neck as she placed soft kisses on your skin.

"Not everyone has phisical proof of the love of their life staring at them so whippedly," you could feel the smirk in her voice, sending shivers down your spine.

Turning in her hold, you could only kiss her nose. "What can I say? I'm just a woman who's been struck by the beauty of a Goddess."

"Is that your way to get into my pants?" Wanda's brow rised mischeviously and you could only swallow hard.

"I'm hurt you think so poorly of me, ma'am,"

"I couldn't find it in me to throw it away," Wanda's voice brought you back to the present.

"To be honest, I'm glad you didn't," you mumbled as you placed the portrait back in its place before you followed her to the kitchen, where she busied herself with dinner.

"Part of me hoped I'd see you again," the shaking in her voice had your heart cracking.

"I'm sorry it took me so long," you offered in vain.

"At least it served to help you see the truth?" 

As your eyes never left Wanda's movements, you noticed how her body shaked almost imperciptibly as she spoke those words.

Closing the distance, your hand reached hers, linking your fingers together like you used to do all the time. 

"Please, look at me?" You begged heartfully, releasing the breath you didn't know you were holding when she complied.

"I'm sorry for hurting you. I know I'm the one who ruined us," you spoke your heart's contents, ready to fight back if you were allowed the chance.

"I thought you trusted me better than that," Wanda's green eyes shone with pain, and you felt a thousand knives stabbing your heart.

"I did, I do, and I always will," you cupped her face, choking on a sob when she leaned against your touch so trusting yet painfully. 

"I just surrendered to my demons," you confessed, hoping she could see the truth. "I let my fears take over our love and I hurted us, you, in the process. And I couldn't be more sorry for that."

At the silence you were met with, your thumb brushed the few tears rolling down Wanda's cheek.

"I never meant to break us, Wands. All I wanted was to feel the love you vowed to me. All I wanted was for your touch to disipate the dark fog in my soul." You cried, showing your hand for the first time over the table, hoping to win the game. Hoping Wanda saw your heart beating with no filter in it. Just your scars and cracks on display for her to see. 

All you wanted right here, right now, was for the love of your life to see how her love healed every single corner of your heart.

All you wanted for her was to meet you in the afterglow.

Taglist: @summergeezburr @red1culous @wandabear (If you want to be tagged in a possible continuation or I'm all of my fics, let me know!)

[athenadione]

'overcoming the fear of you and something more'

(What started out as a tiny drabble turned into THIS monstrosity of a fic, and nope I couldn't leave it without adding a little bit of *angst*. I hope you all enjoy, and find that opening yourself up to love isn't always a bad thing ;)

Read on ao3 HERE

Words: 9286

Rated: M

Fear is a fickle thing. 

It’s usually something Raven can never quite grasp. On the rare occasion that she does, by then it evolves into something different, something more. 

Something that she doesn’t want to name. 

And as much as she knows that it has a tendency to manifest in a way she never anticipates, she shoves down that feeling at the dinner table in favor of ignoring it. The less attention she can bring to herself the better. 

Especially since the root of it all is sitting across from her. 

If she could she would be able to rationalize that her conglomeration of emotions are natural — a testament to her humanity rather. It’s good that she’s able to feel things so freely for once, but she can’t think straight right now. 

Not when Damian is helping Mar’i settle back into her high chair, taking extra care to buckle her in and wiping the corner of her mouth with his thumb. 

Her heart pounds in a way that unsettles her deeply at the sight, and she can’t help when her power takes hold of a dish on the counter and slams it back down.  

It’s a good thing it’s plastic. And that Mar’i is used to loud sounds.

Emerald eyes flash to her with immediate concern, along with similar looks from everyone else at the table. 

“Raven, is everything alright?” Richard asks her as Kori takes advantage of a distracted Mar’i with a spoonful of mushy peas in one hand. 

“Ah, yes. I’m sorry,” the scrape of Raven’s chair makes her wince even more apologetically when she scoots back, “let me go set that in the dishwasher.” 

“Oh, just put it in the sink and we’ll get to it later,” Kori says without looking at her, “I have to wash some of Mar’i’s bottles anyway.” 

“You’ve been having more slip ups lately, is something bothering you?” Richard presses further, ever the nosy older brother. 

Knowing that Damian’s eyes are still on her, even as she lowers to her knees to grab the plate off the floor, she takes great care to keep her voice even. 

“I’m fine, don’t worry about me. It’s probably just a cold or something, you know I’ve been sneezing more lately.” That much was true. The turn of the season to Spring left something to be desired — which was clear sinuses. Raven was as surprised as everyone else to find out that a half-demon could get allergies. So lame.  With the attention focused solely on her, Raven feels her desperation rising to change the subject. She clears her throat after placing the plate into an already full sink, 

“So have you both figured out if you’re able to make Gar’s wedding?” 

Richard chews the side of his lip, casting a glance to Kori before answering, “We think we can make it, but we’re not completely sure. I heard Jamie is going with his new fiancée.” 

Raven raises a brow, “I didn’t know he had one.” 

“We just found out this week,” Kori tells her, still battling Mar’i over the peas, “she seems nice, but we haven’t met her yet. She’s from his hometown.” 

“Hmm.” Raven slides back into her seat, both hands going straight for her cup of tea. The conversation continues with Richard and Kori talking back and forth about Gar’s wedding plans with Terra. Apparently they finally decided on a venue out on the Grand Canyon. Raven thinks it’s fitting. 

By the time her nerves settle enough to pick up her fork to continue with her chicken alfredo, she sees that Mar’i’s attention is back on Damian. Her little fingers reach for the necklace around his shirt, grasping the chain she knows has two dog tags on them — both with written words in Arabic. Raven hadn’t gotten close enough to try to read them. Not that she’s fluent anyway. 

The slight burrow of Damian’s brows is the only sign of his hesitancy towards the little girl. Raven watches as he drops his own fork, then attempts to gently pry Mar’i’s fingers from them. Instead of letting go completely, Mar’i decides to grab one of his fingers in all of her tiny ones. 

There’s that funny feeling again, working its way up into a lump in the back of her throat as Damian looks down at their hands in a quiet wonder. Kori smothers a laugh while Richard watches, looking strangely proud. 

“She loves her Uncle Dami,” Richard says, chuckling when Damian sends a bewildered look his way. He motions back down to Mar’i’s fingers. 

“They’re so… small,” he says, looking back to their joined hands. 

“I know right? It’s crazy. I still can’t believe that we have her sometimes, it’s so unreal. Being a parent is…” 

“Unlike anything I could have ever imagined,” Kori finishes, a faraway smile on her face. Mar’i swings her head back over to her mother, babbling in confirmation. Richard chuckles at the noise.

“One-hundred percent.” 

Raven swallows hard. 

The rest of dinner goes as smoothly as she can expect with the growing storm of emotions threatening to spill over with every stolen glance to the pair across from her. She forces herself to eat, if just to stop anyone else from asking too many questions. 

Her mind drifts as the conversation takes another turn. To her friends. To everyone that had scattered with the winds over the years. Gar to adventure with Terra wherever they wanted — and about to be married. Kori and Richard, now settled in Blüdhaven with Mar’i. Even Jamie, apparently finding love in his hometown. 

Damian had stayed with her in Jump. As much as she wanted to ask why back then when the Titans officially disbanded years ago, she still hasn’t.

Mostly because she’s not sure she’s ready to hear his answer. 

Dinner is over when Mar’i begins to fuss, and it heightens to the point that she can’t be consoled. She doesn’t want to listen to the Tameranean lullabies of her mother, or the soft rocking of her father. She doesn’t want the warm milk Richard heats up for her, or even the pacifier that Kori tries to stick in her mouth. As time goes on and her parents run out of options, nothing seems to quiet her down. 

Raven’s eyes soften in understanding that sometimes you don’t know what you want or need. 

Raven takes the time to clean up after everyone while the screaming ensues, waving Kori off when she thanks her profusely and apologizes all in the same breath. Richard walks away further into the house, most likely in search of something to help calm Mar’i down. 

“No worries at all, truly. Thank you for inviting us over,” Raven responds in earnest. 

The invites had started to climb since Mar’i was born. It’s easier to invite them because of her ability to create portals. And the boom tube of course, with one now built inside of their home for easy travel. Still, Raven figures that both Kori and Richard haven’t had a night out in months. It’s probably also easier to have Mar’i at home, and Raven doesn’t mind in the slightest. 

Except for the little moments that throw her off balance until she’s teetering off the edge into something she doesn’t understand. 

Which has inadvertently caused her current predicament. 

So focused on her own thoughts and rinsing off plates, Raven nearly jumps out of her skin when she feels a hand at her lower back. She doesn’t have to look behind her to know it’s Damian. 

His touch burns her through the silk shirt of her blouse. 

“Let me help,” he says, rolling up the sleeves of his button-up and his arm brushes against hers. The grip on her sponge slackens as a familiar heat runs through her. She takes a step to the side. 

“I’m okay, you can—”

“Take her, please. I don’t know what else to do.” Kori unceremoniously pushes Mar’i up against Damian’s chest, and he’s forced to put his arms around her to keep her from falling. 

“Just hold her for a minute while I run her a bath, that usually helps calm her down.” Kori runs away just as fast as she came, yelling across her shoulder, “Thank you!” 

Mar’i’s face is an angry red as hot tears roll down her face. Damian wraps a hand around the back of her head to keep her secure against his chest while the other settles against her bottom. For a minute or two all either of them can hear is her high-pitched screaming. Raven holds back a grimace. 

Then Damian starts to hum a low, foreign tune, while patting her bottom gently. 

Raven chokes back on a suggestion, enamored by the way Damian seems to immediately calm her. 

Mar’i hiccups, tears still falling but not as frequent as Damian continues his hum in her ear. It’s some kind of lullaby, that much she can tell. Mar’i moves her head to stare up at him with big eyes, just as bright as her mother’s. 

Damian gently nudges her to settle her back against his chest in a move that makes her sigh with another hiccup. As Raven continues to clean up the kitchen by finding the tupperware and putting up the leftovers, Damian continues to hum and pat in a rhythm that quickly puts Mar’i to sleep. 

The room falls silent while Raven sets the dishwasher to start. She glances back over in time to watch Damian place the smallest of kisses against Mari’i’s head. 

It’s such a small and intimate gesture that takes Raven by surprise. It’s genuine, and raw, and the open look on his face nearly undoes her. Seeing this side of Damian with Mar’i only further threatens the hold over her power. She yanks back on the transparent black that encases a cup she missed, hoping that Damian doesn’t notice. 

One look behind her shoulder tells her that he does. 

“Grayson’s right. You have been on edge lately, any reason why? And don’t tell me it’s allergies because we both know that you were lying earlier.” 

Raven just barely holds back her wince. She doesn't know why she ever thought she’d get something past him. For all the years they’ve spent together at the tower, she knows he can now read her like a book. 

In fact, he knows exactly how she takes her tea, what time she likes to meditate in the afternoons. He even knows when she’s starting to get a migraine by the extra gel ice pack she finds in the freezer. 

A frown tugs at the corners of her mouth. 

He knows her. 

So why does that terrify her so much?

“Honestly there’s just been a lot on my mind…” her voice falters, not able to meet his eyes because she knows he’ll see the half-truth in that statement. 

“Raven…” 

The sounds of her name from his lips brings her eyes right back up to his. 

She knows he won’t push her — that he’ll always defer to her choice when to speak her mind. She also knows that he allows her to hear the concern in his voice just as he can hear the uncertainty is hers. 

She starts to chew the inside of her cheek, a habit she had picked up after gaining the freedom to express her emotions more. A nervous one that Damian knows from the way his brows knit further together. She sighs, opting to ignore the question altogether and focus the attention back on Mar’i. 

“I’m impressed, and a little jealous that you’re so good with her,” she admits jokingly.  

Damian sees through her blatant attempt at avoiding him, but thankfully he allows it. 

“I’m not sure why all it took was me holding her,” he admits.

“Maybe because of your energy. You’re always calm and so sure of yourself.” It’s just a theory but Raven has a hunch Mar’i might already be stepping into some of her power.  

“I imagine Mar’i might be able to sense that.” 

Damian looks at her, his face now unreadable, and Raven can tell that he’s analyzing her words  — trying to figure out what exactly they mean.

No doubt from years of back-handed compliments from not only the press but also the socialites of high society as a Wayne. She briefly remembers an encounter with a Calloway that left with the blonde man on the floor of the Wayne Manor ballroom clutching his nose and loudly cursing. If Raven was correct, Damian had simply rolled his sleeve back down and walked promptly outside to the balcony, ignoring the stares that followed. 

But there was no ill intent to her words now. 

“I’m serious. Mar’i seems to be a bit of an empath in my opinion.” 

“Hmm, maybe.” Damian says, although still unconvinced. Raven shrugs, then resists the urge to bite her lip, looking for a reason to cut their conversation short. She doesn’t want them to circle back to talking about her just yet. 

“I’ll go look for Kori, maybe since Mar’i is asleep they’ll want to put her down.” 

Damian nods, still patting the little girl in his arms in fear that she may wake again. Raven tears her gaze from him, if a bit reluctantly, and goes in search of her friend. 

Raven had always felt close with Kori, even as a younger teen when trust didn’t come easy. Kori tore down her walls just as quickly as Raven had tried to build them back up. She paved the bridge of friendship between them and after a while Raven stopped running from it. 

Now, with a little care and communication, they had grown together in a way that Raven thinks fondly of. 

Yet with the closeness that Raven feels with Kori now, she can’t quite bring herself to talk about what’s been bothering her. Not that she’s figured it out herself. To be fair she hasn’t really tried, and has been avoiding thinking about it more than anything. But dinner has suddenly brought it to the forefront, and the only thing that she now knows for certain is that Damian is at its centerfold. 

Raven finds Kori in the guest bathroom, kneeling over the tub on her knees as it’s filling with water. She gives her back a soft smile, feeling the exhaustion in her aura weighing on her. 

“Hey Kori,” Raven says gently to not startle her, “Mar’i fell asleep on Damian’s chest. I came to see if you wanted him to help you put her down in her crib.”

Kori’s relief from her words is immediate, “Oh yes that would be perfect. I’ll go get them, thank you Raven — and don’t think I didn’t hear you cleaning up in the kitchen. I hope you know we didn’t invite you over just to clean. Not that I’m not grateful of course, but you’re our guests.” 

Raven waves off her concern, “You know I didn’t feel obligated in the slightest, now go ahead and get Mar’i. I’m sure you and Dick are ready to settle down for the night.” 

“I’ve only slept five hours in the past three days. I. Am. Dying.” 

The graying circles under her eyes are more prominent now that Raven gives a closer look, although with her tangerine colored skin it looks more purple than anything. Still, she can’t help but feel a little bad for her.  

“Maybe you can get a night’s rest tonight.” Raven tells her with a hand on her shoulder in sympathy. It’s a fool’s hope really with a one-year old, but Raven still thinks it’s worth saying. 

“A woman can dream,” Kori snorts, then covers Raven’s hand with her own. “Thank you.” 

“Of course.” 

As Kori leaves Raven cuts off the water and pulls the plug. She has a feeling Mar’i will be skipping bath night as long as she sleeps soundly — and if Damian has anything to do with putting her down for the night, she will. 

The thought of him again disquiets her. With a quick flick of the bathroom light, she strays back towards the living room and decides to take a seat on the couch to wait for them. At this point she knows it’s better to just stay out the way. Cleaning was the best way she could think of to help. 

After a moment Damian walks back in alone while running a hand through the dark curls in his hair. 

“She’s down. Kori and Richard are already in bed too. I think it’s okay to leave now.” 

Raven nods and stands. Wordlessly she creates a portal back to their home at Titan’s tower. Even though they did disband years ago, it’s the only place that feels welcoming enough to stay. 

Slipping through a wormhole of her own power always raises gooseflesh on her arms. It pulses through her veins when they both step in and back out in the common room. 

Tonight it’s empty, but in a few days all of their friends will be in to visit just before the wedding. Somehow Raven had been roped into teleporting them all to the Grand Canyon the day of. She has a sneaking suspicion it’s more of an excuse for them to all be together in one place again — not that she minds. 

She admits that she misses it all. Wait —

“I thought Jason and Rose were supposed to be coming in early before everyone else, shouldn’t they be here by now?” Raven asks. 

The thud against a wall in a room further down the hallway is her answer. Damian scowls while Raven suppresses a smirk. “Well it’s a good thing there’s a guest masterbath in the bedroom I think they're in. We won’t have any awkward run-ins with each other.” 

Damian snorts, “I’m glad that you’re able to see the positive in this, because I can’t.” 

Raven hums in amusement, “There’s no other way to look at it now that they’re here.” She steps into the kitchen, “Tea?” 

“Sure, I could use some before I go out on patrol.” 

Starting the kettle is easy work, and the habitual movements help to ease her mind. Setting it on the stove, she reaches for two cups and grabs a packet of black tea and chamomile. Damian doesn’t have to tell her that black is his favorite, she just knows. 

Sometimes it surprises her by how easy it is to talk to Damian, and the irony of that thought is not lost on her when dinner was so… unexpected. 

“I’m thinking about inviting Kori and Rose to a girl’s night before the wedding. I think Kori needs a night out, and since Rose is here now I don’t want to leave her out.”

“Oh?” Damian raises his brow when he takes a seat on the stool in front of the island. “That could be… interesting.” 

The corners of her mouth quirk together as she turns the dial to turn the heat to high on the stovetop. 

“I just want her to be able to relax for a bit, and maybe talk with her about a few things…” her voice trails as she traces the marble in the countertop. “After tonight, do you think you could offer to watch Mar’i? Or even just go over to the house with Richard to keep him company. I’m sure —”

"Yes I can do that, just let me know what day.” 

  His quick response to her surprises her, and she thinks of calling him out on it but decides not to in the end. She’s sure he has his own reasons for helping too. 

“Thank you, hopefully Kori will be up for it. I’ll check in with her tomorrow after she’s had more sleep.”

“Good idea.” 

After that she brews in silence as Damian reviews the routes on his communicator for the night. They tend to alternate a couple of different pattern types, and have had to make some changes to include the docks for the next couple of weeks. Receiving an anonymous tip that a ‘deal’ was about to go down in the next week or so kept them extra alert. The details of that deal? Well neither of them have a clue, which is just a little worrisome. 

Raven pours Damian’s tea into a to-go tumblr when it’s finished, knowing that he’ll want to take it with him. 

She meets his eyes at the hand off, the brush of his fingers against hers sending a sharp tingle up her arm. 

“Thank you,” he says, already making his way to the boom tube off in the corner of the common room that had just been recently installed. 

Raven hesitates for a moment, the thought of the docks heavy on her mind, before she calls after him. 

“Damian.” she waits until he twists back to her. His domino mask is already covering his eyes. 

“... be careful.” 

He actually smirks. “No promises.” 

The flash of the boom tube declares his departure before she can respond. She rolls her eyes at his absence anyway. 

There goes the root of all my troubles, off to make even more trouble. 

Her hands cup her tea, taking a small comfort in the warmth it provides her. 

What am I going to do with you?

.

It turns out Kori had been itching for a night without Mar’i. 

Making plans had been easy enough. 

Rose had wanted to go bar-hopping, and Kori wanted to bring over her new crochet projects. Raven decided on a compromise — a night in the common room. With lots of alcohol. And pizza. 

It had taken both Rose and Kori awhile to warm up to each other and find some common ground, but after an hour or two everyone’s now laughing at one another in good fun. Raven’s sure the alcohol has more to do with it than anything else. 

“Okay, so maybe a night in isn’t so bad.” Rose says, bending forward for another slice. The three of them had ended up on the floor of the common room, pizza boxes and wine bottles alike spread out. The heated flush of Raven’s cheeks is the only indication of her intoxication. Well, that and the wobble walk back from the bathroom. She plops down next to Rose with a chuckle from her lack of grace, waving at Kori with encouragement to go for another glass. 

“I’m so glad we have Mar’i on formula now,” Kori tells them when she takes a sip straight from the bottle of sangria, “I’ve missed wine.” 

Rose makes a face, “What I’m hearing is don’t have babies.” She barks out a laugh when Kori reaches across the pizza boxes to smack her arm. 

“Mar’i is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. We’re just struggling with getting her on a sleep schedule. Once we do that I swear babies aren’t difficult at all. It was really nice of Damian to babysit with Dick tonight so that I could come over.”

Rose gives Raven a knowing look, “Yes it was, wasn’t it? I heard about dinner the other night. Mar’i seems to love Wayne.” 

“Yes definitely, he’s —” 

“Speaking of Wayne!” Rose cuts Kori off in favor of turning directly to Raven, “What is this weird thing-not-thing going on between the two of you? It’s driving me crazy staying with you in this damn tower.” 

In hindsight, Raven should have known that Rose would pick up on her sensitivity. At least some of it anyway. The interactions between her and Damian a few days after dinner had been amicable of course, but Damian had known she'd been acting strange here and there for a while. Raven responded in kind, retreating to what she knew best and avoiding him when she could. Solitude in the face of internal conflict will always be her greatest ally. 

Raven frowns into her glass, deciding to take another gulp of her own wine. “What do you mean? Nothing’s going on between us. We’re just —”

“Don’t even say ‘we’re just friends’. That’s bullshit. Have you seen the way he looks at you Raven? He makes you tea in the morning. Tea! And it’s your favorite too, I noticed.” 

“Oh that?” Kori says flippantly, “They’ve been doing that for years. I thought that finally they’d end up together when everyone else left the tower. Dick thinks it’ll be another year before Raven finally realizes that Damian’s completely in love with her.” 

Even through the haze of her growing intoxication, Raven gives them a glare. “That’s not true. As close as you’re implying we are, wouldn't he have said something to me? And besides, I like our friendship. A lot. I don’t want to jeopardize that.” 

“Damian’s been keeping it to himself for a reason Raven. Everyone knows how skittish you can be about feelings .” Kori bumps her shoulder with a laugh, then takes another swig from her bottle.

“It took us years for you to finally be comfortable even talking to me about things outside of Hero work or me and Dick.”

Raven knocks back the rest of her wine and decides that she needs another glass. “That’s different, you wrangled me into your friendship.” 

Kori looks affronted, mouth poised to argue when Rose cuts her off again, “Yeah I can definitely see that happening. I can picture it now, Kori cornering a young teenage and timid Raven to try and convince her to be best friends.” 

“It didn’t happen like that.” 

Both Raven and Rose stare at her in disbelief at the same time. Kori holds up her hands in surrender. “Okay, okay, it kind of happened like that but look how it turned out? Better than what I thought.” 

“Hmm, true.”

“So are you into him?” Rose directs the question to her. 

Raven rolls her eyes. “If I tell you I think he’s hot will you stop asking more questions?”

“No, so you do think he’s hot.” 

“I’m not blind Wilson.” 

Hot is more of an understatement in her opinion, and the new suit that Damian had opted to start wearing out on patrol was doing him many favors. Not that she would ever admit that to either of them. That would just be adding more fuel to the fire. 

“So have you fucked him yet?” 

“Rose!” Kori yells at her. 

“What? I’m just curious. Don’t tell me you guys have been living together, alone , for years and haven’t fucked.” 

“No actually, we haven’t.” Raven’s brows knit together as her stomach tightens from something she’s not sure. Annoyance from Rose asking deeply personal questions so casually? Or jealousy at the sudden intrusive thought that maybe Damian has, but with someone else? If so, did he bring her to the tower? 

“So you two haven’t even tried to just have a little fun. You know, do something casual? Like friends with benefits?” Rose asks her. 

“Do you know me? I don’t do casual.” 

“And neither does Damian,” Kori points out. 

“So maybe he’s dating someone.” 

Raven looks back at Rose with a dangerous look. The wine in her system doesn’t help hide her sudden disgust. She ignores the flip of her stomach that feels like nausea at the probability of Rose’s theory. 

“I’m done talking about this.” She says, tone final. “Why don’t we talk about how you and Todd broke in the guest bedroom last night. We could hear you two from the common room.” 

“Damn right, that shit was good too. We haven’t seen each other in months . Some of the best sex I’ve ever had.”  Raven smirks while Kori chokes on her bottle.

Jason and Rose are like fire and air. Mix them together and they become a fire whirlwind, burning everything in its path. It’s passionate, sure, but unpredictable and something that would always keep Raven on edge. 

“Dick and I have barely had sex since Mar’i’s been born,” Kori sighs, “It sucks.” 

“No alcohol or sex? Yeah, I’m never having kids.” 

Kori laughs, “Never say Never Rose, someone might come along and make you eat those words one day.” 

“Gods I hope not.” 

“Who knows, Jason might be working on that right now.” 

The room erupts in laughter, and the conversation only further derails after that. 

.

Raven wakes with a gentle hand on her shoulder. 

With a groan, she blinks groggily as her head spins from the alcohol still thrumming in her body. Somehow she had made it to the couch with Rose at the other end, passed out. 

Scattered pizza boxes litter the floor, one open and empty with the other with a couple pieces remaining. She doesn’t count but she does see a handful of empty wine bottles grouped together in the middle.

She doesn’t see Kori as she scans the room, but her eyes do land on the person that shook her awake. 

Damian. 

His quiet demeanor is a contrast from the clear amusement swimming in his eyes. 

“Where’s Kori?” Raven asks, the sleepiness still evident in her voice. 

“I helped her back home, Grayson has her.” Ah. That explains the fading light of the boom tube in the corner. 

“Oh okay, how’d it go with Mar’i?” she asks, accepting his hand to help her sit up. A wave of vertigo hits her, and she leans heavily on the arm of the couch. 

“It went well,” he takes another glance around the room, “how much did you drink?” he asks, taking note of the way she curls back into herself on the couch. 

“Too much.”

Another voice speaks up behind Damian. “Yeah that checks out, by the wine bottles on the floor I’m sure you’re all still plastered.” 

Jason. 

She turns her attention to the end of the couch where he scoops up Rose effortlessly. She doesn’t even move in the slightest. 

“You’re heavy as shit.” Jason talks down to her, but Raven can see the fondness in his eyes that betrays the truth. Rose isn’t heavy at all, and Jason’s enjoying having her around. 

“See ya Wayne, Raven. Gonna take this one to bed.” 

Damian spares him another glance, “Night.” 

“Don’t you want to sleep in your bed too?” he asks her, leaning over a little closer that makes her heart jump. 

The thought of getting up right now and walking anywhere is so unappealing that Raven burrows back further into the couch. 

“It’s okay, just leave me here. I’m sure I’ll be fine in the morning.” Intoxication didn’t last as long for a half-demon. 

She closes her eyes with a small yawn, sleep threatening to take back over, which is perfectly fine with her. That way she doesn’t have to dissect the way Damian is looking at her right now, another unreadable expression on his face. Reading him had never been easy, but now with her own emotions at war with themselves, they’ve gotten in the way of being able to determine his. 

There’s another moment of silence between them when Raven realizes that Damian is actually weighing the pros and cons of a decision. She opens her mouth, is about to ask him what’s wrong, when he stoops down closer to her. 

One of his arms weaves its way around her waist while the other settles under the back of her knees. 

A small squeak of surprise escapes her when he lifts her, cuddling her body close to his chest. Her arms wrap around his neck instinctually to help stay balanced in his own. 

“You’ll get a cramp in your neck if you sleep here,” he says simply, explaining away the question in her eyes. 

“I can walk to my bedroom if I wanted to Damian,” she reasons with him, though not exactly resisting as he continues to carry her down the hallway. 

“I know,” his breath is warm on her neck, “but you didn’t want to.” 

Raven holds her tongue, only because she knows he’s right — and he does too from the small smirk on his face. Thankfully he doesn’t say anything else when they get to her bedroom, and the door scans her for entry. 

It slides open and Damian steps inside. Raven suddenly feels uncomfortable with him seeing her room. It’s not like he hasn't seen it before. 

But he hasn’t, at least not now that she doesn’t even know what to think of him anymore. Not when she feels so… vulnerable. 

It’s cozy, and packed full of things but not messy. The shelves need dusting, and the books need to be re-stacked. It’s a show of her true nature — organized chaos. Damian doesn’t seem to mind. He only takes a short glance, probably out of her respect for privacy, and walks straight to her bed. 

He helps her slide under the covers, and is careful not to touch her more than necessary. It makes her heart squeeze. This barrier that seems to be growing between them since dinner is unwanted, but she feels helpless to fix. 

Damian hesitates as he leans over her, the closeness between them oddly intimate. She notices his dog tags have slipped out of his shirt, and she impulsively reaches for them. He watches quizzically as her fingers glide over the indentations. 

She doesn’t know if it’s the alcohol, or the sudden change in tension between them, but she finally decides to indulge in her curiosity. 

“What do they say?” she asks him. 

“laā yuhimmu kam ʾanta baṭīʾ ṭaalamā ʾannaka lan tatawaqqaf. It means ‘It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.’” 

The air feels heavy when Raven takes a breath, “and the other one?” 

Damian gives her a look, one that holds too many emotions for her to understand. 

“I’ll tell you what that one means another time.” 

.

For the first time in a long time Titan’s Tower is full of heroes. 

There’s an excited energy all around as the rooms fill with chatter as more and more people begin to show, dressed up for the wedding. Some people hadn’t seen each other in years. 

Raven’s content to keep to herself in one corner of the common room, exchanging pleasantries with the people who approach her. Damian is somewhere in the chaos, but she doesn’t try to look for him yet. Not when just thinking about him is causing her stomach to tie into knots. 

“Hey Raven, it’s good to see you!” 

Raven turns with a smile. “It’s good to see you too Donna, you look great.” Her black dress covered in sequins accentuated her curves in a way that made many heads turn at her arrival. That and her charming personality can make anyone she wants to fall to their knees in front of her. 

“Me? You look breathtaking, girl. Blue is such a good color on you.” 

Raven accepts the compliment with grace, something she’s been working more on doing. She slides a hand over her satin dress. The ends of it reach her toes, with a long slit up one side that gives everyone a slight tease of a long leg. Her black heels only emphasize the swell of her calf, the ankle strap a final touch. 

“Thank you. How are you?”

“Oh fantastic, work has been going well and crime is starting to slow down. Maybe because we’re finally getting some good weather and people want to enjoy it for a change. Who knows. How’s patrol in Jump going? I spoke with Wayne earlier and heard that there might be some kind of trade deal at the docks?” 

“Yeah,” Raven sighs, walking Donna to the kitchen in search of something to drink, “Last night there was some movement, but not much else going on. I’m starting to think it’s all a hoax but I don't know. I guess we’ll find out soon.” 

“Hmm, well there’s no need to worry about it right now. Wayne doesn’t seem too worried about it either so I’m sure it’ll be fine.” 

Raven holds back the retort that she isn’t worried, and that Donna’s the one who brought it up in the first place. 

“Yeah, punch?” Raven asks her, gesturing to the island in the middle of their kitchen. An assortment of light snacks filled the table, along with punch, tea, and water. Raven’s grateful that Kori came over earlier to help her and Damian put it all together. 

“Oh nice, thanks. So…” Donna trails, smiling sheepishly when she accepts the glass Raven hands her, “is Damian seeing anyone by chance?” 

Raven’s hold tightens on her own glass of water she poured for herself. “Not that I’m aware of.” 

“Oh good, I was thinking about asking him out later after the wedding. It’d be nice to catch up in Jump again — see what all’s changed.” 

“Go for it.” Raven clears her throat when Donna gives her an odd look at her curt tone, “I just mean I’m sure he’d… appreciate the company.” 

“Are you sure? Because if you’re —”

Raven’s not exactly sure what Donna is about to say but she doesn’t let her say it at all. “I’m not. You should ask him.” 

Donna blinks, then laughs, “It looks like some things haven’t changed after all. Don’t worry, I won’t.” She throws her a wink, “I’ll see if Roy is free tonight. I’ve always had a thing for red-heads anyway.” 

Raven deigns not to answer, instead taking a long drink of her water. Not because she really needs it but to keep her from revealing anything that might give her away. That and she doesn’t need to explain anything to anyone, not even Donna. 

A quick glance at the microwave tells her that it’s nearly time. She takes a breath, preparing to create a portal that will last long enough for everyone to get through. It will be tenuous at best, but it should work. Should. 

The sound of an announcement in the common room distracts her from her thoughts, especially when a small group starts making their way over to the boom tube.  

“They’re probably lining up for the boom tube since the wedding’s about to begin.” Donna says. 

“Boom tube? I thought that everyone was going through my portal?” 

“I’m not sure,” Donna looks as confused as she feels, “Damian’s been going around the room and assigning a specific time for everyone to go through. A lot of people are already gone.” 

Raven’s eyes dart to the common room that now looks a lot emptier than it had been about five minutes ago. 

“Looks like my time is in another minute,” Donna gives her a wave, “I’ll see you there.” 

Raven tells her bye, and stands there as the rest begin to file out, one by one until there’s only her and Damian. Her eyes meet him across the room before he whips his head in a signal to come join him. She does just that, taking the time to appreciate his suit. 

It’s Armani, of course, black and sleek, and it’s fitted to him perfectly. The pant legs do nothing to hide what’s beneath, and she feels her neck heat at the sight. One hand is tucked into his pocket while the other is holding the boom tube open for the both of them. As she walks closer she realizes that he’s wearing a darker navy blue tie — nearly identical to the color of her dress. 

Only when she reaches him does she ask him why they weren’t going by portal. 

“I didn’t want you to overexert yourself so I had a boom tube placed at the site of the wedding temporarily.” 

His gesture hits her hard, and she doesn’t know what to think when he reaches out his hand for hers. She places it in his delicately as he helps her step up inside. 

“I probably would’ve been fine, you know. I’m sure there wouldn’t have been much to worry about.” 

Damian steps in after her, his chest brushing up against her back as the door slides shut behind them. 

“Well now neither of us have to worry at all.” 

She turns to face him and smiles. 

“Thank you.” 

“Anything for you Raven.” 

Her eyes widen at his words and the blatant truth in his voice. Suddenly the air around them feels hot, and she leans back up against the wall, trying to put as much space in between them as possible. The proximity of him, the small space of the boom tube, his words — it all feels like too much. She feels the familiar tug of her body as they teleport — something that lasts only milliseconds. 

By the time they’re on the other side she’s breathing hard, not feeling like she’s getting enough air. The boom tube isn’t opening fast enough and it’s still too hot. She’s getting lightheaded and the pounding beat of her heart is only getting faster. The door begins to slide open, but before she can slip away Damian has a hand on her wrist. 

He pulls her back inside, shuts the door, and presses the button with the AC. The cool air helps a little, but there’s still a rising panic in her that she can’t tame. Raven has half a mind to slide down the wall to hug her knees but Damian grasps her shoulders, forcing her to face him. 

“Hey Raven, look at me. Look at me.” Emerald eyes search hers imploringly and she chokes back a sob. 

“I-I can’t do this, Damian, I don’t know what’s wrong with —”

“It’s okay. You’re okay,” he says. His words are gentle and soothing as his hands begin to rub her bare arms. Up and down, forcing her to stay tethered to the present. Not allowing her to retreat into her mind. 

“Just breathe, Raven. We’re not going anywhere until you breathe.” 

It takes a few minutes. He starts whispering to her in Arabic, much like the way he took care of Mar’i, and that thought puts a heavy weight on her chest. She breathes through it anyway knowing that the wedding will start at any moment, and she doesn’t want them to be late. When her breaths become more even Damian pulls her into his chest, wrapping her into a hug. 

“Whatever is going on is okay. I’m not going anywhere and neither are any of our friends. You’re okay, and it’s okay that you don’t know what you’re feeling.” 

Raven inhales a shuddering breath. 

She doesn’t know that she needs to hear him say all of those things so desperately until they’re already spoken. She takes a moment to cling to him, to thank him, before pulling back. Whatever Damian sees in her face must be enough for him to deem her capable enough to go back outside because he opens the door. Then he takes her hand again. 

“Watch your step,” he murmurs to her, helping her across the rocks to the venue. The sight of it is breathtaking. An archway is just a couple of feet away from a ledge that overlooks the entire Northern rim, and Raven sees that most of the chairs are already full of their friends. Garfield is already at the front, fidgeting with the cuff of his sleeve and trying not to bite a hole with his canines from worrying his lip in a nervous tic. 

Raven smiles, because even though it’s clear that he’s nervous, she can also tell that he’s happy. It’s all she’s ever wanted for him, and he deserves it. 

They find a seat in the back just before the ceremony begins. Damian puts his hand on the back of her chair, steadying her. For once she decides to lean into it, finding it to be a comfort. 

Terra’s dress suits her perfectly. It’s whimsical with long sleeves that hang off of her shoulder, with the length of her dress flaring out with floral and vine lace covering the bodice. Her hair is braided down her back with a string of hair pulled out and curled around her face. She’s gorgeous, and she can tell that Gar thinks so too. The love and excitement is pure in both of their eyes solely focused on each other. 

The ceremony doesn’t last long, but it is beautiful and genuine, and Raven stands and claps with everyone else as the newly weds are announced. Terra and Garfield practically race back down the aisle. 

It’s a welcoming sight. Raven smiles softly the entirety of the reception, even when meeting Jamie’s fiancée. From the moment she sees them she knows it’s a good match. 

“They look good together,” Damian says from beside her with two glasses of water in each hand. He gives one to her. 

“Yes, they do. I’m sure we’ll be getting another invitation soon.” 

“How are you feeling?” he asks her. 

“I’m okay actually. Thank you… for earlier.” She runs a nervous hand down the length of her dress to smooth it out. 

“You don’t ever have to thank me Raven.” 

He stays with her the rest of the night, which more than a few people notice, Donna included. When she smirks in Raven’s direction she doesn’t even scowl back. 

For some reason her mind is more at ease than it has been in weeks. 

.

The trade at the docks happens the next night. 

It’s around 3 o’clock in the morning whenever a small fishing boat slips up with the mooring line. Three people, dressed head to toe in black, get out with multiple coolers that look dubious. Mostly likely drugs . Then from the right, five more meet them on the dock, dressed the same. 

Damian signals to her from the other side of the building, and she nods her understanding. She presses the button on her cloak silently, alerting the JCPD of their location. 

They take them by surprise, but they recover quickly. A few of them barricade behind barrels while Damian starts to fight off the three that are scrambling back inside the boat. 

It’s not until Raven hears the first gunshot when she realizes they all have weapons. 

It takes her another moment to realize the gun had been aimed at her whenever the sharp pain flares at her side, and her hand presses it. When she brings it back up to her face shakily it’s covered in blood. 

Then more start to ring out, and Raven drops to her knees. She remembers that Damian is on the other side of the group of thugs still fighting on the boat. He hadn’t seen her get shot, still hasn’t had the time to even look in her direction. She tosses up a quick shield just before bullets rain down in his direction. They bounce off her shields uselessly and Raven releases a breath she doesn’t realize she’s holding. 

Another wave of her power throws everyone in the crossfire back. Some hit the water with a loud splash while others scrape up against concrete away from the docks. Damian takes advantage of the momentary distraction, apprehending everyone still on the ground with quick, practiced motions. 

Raven attempts to stand, but stumbles back to her knees. She feels around the wound, her finger prodding for the bullet that’s still lodged inside. She bites back a cry at the pain, her teeth gritting. It will need to come out before she can heal herself, but she’s starting to lose more blood than she’s comfortable with. She takes off her cloak. The material is too strong to tear so she wraps the entire thing around her waist anyway. It will have to do. 

As Damian pulls the last one out of water and throws him on the ground, black spots are beginning to dance in her vision. 

She can hold on until he finishes the job. They’ve been looking into this lead for weeks, she won’t ruin it all by letting him know that she’s bleeding out. I can make it. 

Squatting is no longer an option. Raven finds herself forced to lay down on the concrete, her hand tucked into her side to staunch as much of the blood as she can. The pain heightens to a point that makes the rest of her body feel numb. 

She clings to consciousness as long as she can, until she’s sure that Damian has arrested them all. The police will be here at any moment and can take over. 

By the time Damian finally looks up and is searching for her the adrenaline wears off. All she feels is pain, so whenever unconsciousness calls back out to her she answers. 

He finds her as she’s losing the battle. 

“Shit, shit. Raven!” 

She’s fading rapidly when he reaches her. One hand cradles the back of her head while the other presses into her wound. She hisses weakly. 

His voice sounds like it’s underwater. 

“Hold on Raven, not yet,” he presses on her wound more insistently, the pain causing her to stay conscious. Then he’s pulling out gauze and hydrogen peroxide and medical scissors from his belt. 

His words are rushed and thick with emotion, “I need you to stay awake, you’re losing too much blood. You have to portal us to the med-bay now. You won’t make it if you don’t.” 

It sounds like too much, every breath is more agonizing and tiresome than the last. 

“ Please habibti, you have to try.” 

Her eyes open at the pleading in his voice.

With her remaining strength she does her best to meet his request, and portals them back to the tower. 

The look in his eyes is the last thing that she sees before she drowns in a sea of darkness. 

Fear.

.

There’s no noise when she wakes. 

She’s in her healing trance, hovering above the hospital bed. By the familiarity of the metal walls she knows that they made it to the med-bay. A sweep of the room also tells her that she almost didn’t make it. Blood covered just about every instrument. The bullet lays in a tray beside her. She looks down at herself, noticing for the first time that she’s not wearing anything except for a pair of sweatpants. Her entire upper body is covered in gauze. Specks of blood dot where she had been shot. She won’t need to change it again fortunately, her healing trance had made sure of that. 

Her eyes continue to scan the room until she sees Damian, hunched over in a chair right beside her. His head is in his hands, not yet knowing that she’s awake. His hair is askew. She imagines that he probably ran his hands through it over and over. He’s still wearing his uniform, covered in her blood. Guilt sweeps through her, knowing that she’s the cause of so much worry. 

“Damian,” she whispers. 

He jolts upright so fast that the metal chair falls backwards. He doesn’t care, his eyes are on hers as he grasps her hand. 

“Raven, you made it,” he chokes on his words. “Do you need me to change your dressing?” 

“No I don’t think so.” she tells him softly, then lowers herself on the bed to lay down. He helps her adjust. “I think I’ll be sore for a while, but I’m okay. Thank you for saving me.” 

He sighs deeply, “You scared me Raven. Never do that again. Never wait to tell me if you’ve been hurt. You could have died. You almost did .” 

“I know,” she whispers, squeezing his hand, “I’m sorry.” 

They’re silent for a few minutes, with Damian stroking her hand with his fingers. She lets him, figuring that he needs the touch to remind himself that it was just a close call, nothing more. 

“Did the JCPD get all the arrests?” she asks, breaking the silence. 

“Yeah,” Damian says, pinching the bridge of his nose with his other hand, “They found fentanyl in the coolers. Enough to OD the entire city. Interrogations are going on right now. They think they’re just pawns in a much bigger drug deal.” 

“That makes sense,” she says, chewing on his words, “Looks like almost dying was worth it.” She jokes darkly. 

“No,” He shoots her a sharp glare, “Almost losing you was not worth it Raven. It will never be worth it. When will you realize that?” 

The veracity in his words is like a slap in the face. She recoils at them. “I’m sorry Damian, I was just trying to do the right thing.” 

He breathes deep, seemingly at war with himself on how to respond. He settles for acceptance. “I know you did, I’m not going to say that it was okay, because it wasn’t. But it happened, and at least you’re here. Just don’t do that again.” 

She swallows the lump in the back of her throat. “Okay.” 

“Get some rest, I’m glad you’re okay.” 

“Thank you Damian, I am too.” 

.

Damian isn’t there when she wakes, but this time she’s in her own bed. She smiles softly, knowing that Damian probably wanted her to be more comfortable, but also didn’t want to intrude in her space. 

A familiar feeling blossoms in her chest that Raven wants to pull back down, but she doesn’t. She lets it stay, and the longer it does, the more she realizes it’s not as scary as she thinks it is. 

It grows with each thought of the past few weeks. All the little moments that Raven had ignored, now resurfacing with a renewed vigor. It pumps through her veins, filling her completely. 

It all hits her at once. 

She doesn’t know how she could have been so oblivious to it all. 

Maybe she did see it, but favored ignorance so that things wouldn’t have to change. 

But change happens whether I like it or not. 

She gets up, pushing past the aching muscles in her side to get dressed. Confronting her feelings is long overdue, and she can’t afford to put it off any longer. Not with the thought of dying without telling Damian about how she feels. 

She finds him outside, looking out across the bay. Laps of water splash gently against the rocks. The wind whips her hair as she draws closer. If Damian notices her presence he doesn’t acknowledge it. She can see that he’s deep in thought with the far away look on his face, brows knitted together. 

She sits down beside him. 

He meets her stare when she looks at him. She takes a breath, it’s now or never. 

“You love me,” she states, looking into his eyes for confirmation. His expression doesn’t change, he’s not surprised. He just stares right back. 

“Yes,” he says simply. 

Raven sucks in a breath, “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“You weren’t ready for me to tell you,” he says as his eyes soften, “It would have scared you.” 

“That’s — true,” she admits with a frown, “I’m still scared, but, I love you too.” 

He smiles, “I know.” 

“You do?” 

“Yes, but that’s okay. I didn't mind waiting for you to figure it out.”  

She laughs then, bewildered by him. The wind reveals the dog tags underneath his shirt, and Raven decides to ask again. 

“Will you tell me what the other one means now?” 

He recites to her first in Arabic. A poem. 

“في أيّام الصيف.. أَتمدّد على رمال الشاطئ وأمارس هوايةَ التفكير بكِ.. لو أنّني أقول للبحر.. ما أشعر به نحوكِ لترك شواطئَه.. وأصدافَه.. وأسماكَه.. وتبعني”

Then he holds her stare when he translates, “ In the summer I stretch out on the shore And think of you. Had I told the sea What I felt for you, It would have left its shores, Its shells, Its fish, And followed me.”

With tears in her eyes she reaches for him so that she can rest her forehead against his. 

“I love you.” 

He responds to her in kind, his mouth whispering against her lips for the first time. 

“I love you too.”

[neotomiccccc]

LONG POST INCOMING sorry

Anyway. Here's some assorted Shane headcanons of mine about his life after marrying and moving onto the farm, enjoy

🌄 Morning:

• It is difficult to get him out of bed. It probably always will be. That's okay, because getting out of bed can be really difficult.

• Usually the farmer leaves him to get up in his own time.

• On some difficult days he won't get out of bed at all except for necessities like the bathroom, and water.

• Otherwise, once he's up and awake he tends to put the TV on as background noise while he makes breakfast (if it's his turn to make food)

• He's not the best cook ever, he's just learning and it's difficult, but he can do eggs on toast and an omelette - failing those, cereal.

🏙️ Daytime:

• When the farmer is gone, which is often for long hours of the day, Shane has to find some ways of occupying himself.

• The most obvious is that he spends time with his chickens - he tends to them daily and always spends some time sitting with them.

• He also lounges around and watches TV a lot. Sometimes he brings Charlie in to watch with him.

• If he can't find anything interesting to watch, then he might practice his cooking skills for a while. He's trying to become good at it!

• He still likes his video games although he doesn't often buy new ones. He's pretty comfortable playing the same thing over and over to beat his own high score. The farmer likes to get him new games sometimes for his birthday or the winter star.

• If the weather's nice and he has the energy, he might go outside and do some woodworking - he'll help to clear trees and stump so that there's less for the farmer to do. He also likes repairing the fences and paths!

• He has tried to pick up knitting, but it didn't stick. He could not stop dropping his stitches even after Emily helped him a lot.

• He likes writing. Sometimes it's stories, sometimes it's poetry, sometimes it's something he just needs to get off of his chest. His therapist recommended he write down his feelings and since then he took it up. He's quite shy about his writings and doesn't like to show anyone.

• He snacks a lot through the day - sometimes it's boredom, sometimes it's stress, sometimes he just wants to. His husband can never keep the fridge stocked for very long lol

• Almost every day, at some point he is going to take a nap. Usually on the sofa, and he often leaves the TV on for background noise. Sometimes the farmer will pop in during the day and find Shane and Charlie fast asleep pm the couch.

🌅 Evening:

• In the evening, he's always happy when his husband comes home. He doesn't particularly love being alone and enjoys the company of his partner.

• He can be clingy and loves physical touch from his husband. He'd hate it from anyone else but when he's with someone that he deeply trusts, he loves to cuddle, hug, kiss, hold hands, or just brush against each other. Verbal affection is difficult for him unless he turns it into a lighthearted joke or pun, so this is his main way of showing love.

• Speaking of jokes. Neverending dad jokes.

• Depending on the sort of day he's having, he can get really emotional. Some days it's happy tears and other days not so much. He still struggles with self loathing and alcohol relapses are inevitable.

• He's trying his best and just having someone who loves him no matter what is enough to make him start getting all mushy..

• Absolutely wants to cuddle and watch TV, cuddle and take a nap, cuddle and eat pizza, you get it

🌌 Nighttime:

• This man never sleeps a full night know that much. He's always up a few times during the night

• Can be found eating leftovers out of the fridge, pacing back and forth, having a turbulent shit, or if the sun is coming up, sitting on the porch.

• Other times he wakes up and doesn't want to leave the bed because he feels like shit. He gets clingy to the farmer when this happens.

• He snores. Loudly and obnoxiously. (But his husband doesnt care because it means he's sleeping and that's all that matters)

• He likes to sleep on his back, unless he's cuddling with his hisband in which case he'll sleep on his side. He has a knack for finding the most fucked up sleeping positions known to man and insisting it's comfortable.

• His consistently disrupted sleep is a big contributing factor to his daytime naps.

• He does like to co-sleep with Charlie and his other hens but it's not something he does all the time.

[regretfulcorrine]

Heeey everyone! So little explanation as to where I’ve been— I kinda took a dive for a while 🥲 Really sorry about that! ((tw// mentions of mental health and mushy gushy emotional stuff under the cut))

In terms of content, I’m sure y’all have seen my Hazbin spiral kinda take a front seat for a bit but I miss my Drarry boys. They have infected my heart too much for me to part from them for too long 😔 And I may or may not have joined/finished a special project filled with amazing people coming out soon involving them 👀

So on Insta and here you’ll see me dive back into my love for them more than on the bird app! I love the amazing people/Drarry artists I found on Twitter, but it’s also a very big place for the fandom to just hit the fan unfortunately 😭 And it’s small enough to where unlike a bigger fandom, it can be hard to avoid. Doesn’t help the anxiety so for now at least I post my boys more here. I honestly wanna just post more on here in general!

I of course will still post my Hazbin stuff but it’ll be just more of a mix on here in terms of what I draw is all 💃 Thank you for still being here 💖

I’ve never really mentioned my health too much before but I have pretty bad crippling anxiety. It’s hard to do a lot of stuff (go outside, talk to people, etc.) and it even at some points has affected me physically. Whether that’s me worrying myself sick or being so paranoid I don’t even wanna really do anything besides watch like silly videos. And because of that I’ve only been really able to focus on one platform and that for some reason just happened to be Twitter (which in hindsight may have…contributed to the anxiety due to the nature of Twitter….ANYWAYS) I have meds and have finally decided to participate in regular therapy, but of course there’s always those breakout episodes!

Idk if anyone else has this thing but it had been such a long time I was afraid. That so much time had passed people were mad for some reason or there would be issues 😭 BUT I’m very happy to have finally just bucked up enough to come back, if you’ll have me!

Ive really missed you guys, and the second I opened this app and decided to post it was literally like a breath of fresh air. It’s weird to say in our great year of 2024 that Tumblr of all places has become calming but here we are lmao

Thank you for reading my rambles and excuses I’m gonna make it up to y’all with some good old fashion boys kissing 💖

[mariaofdoranelle]

Faking Yulemas — Part 4: Dear Santa… I Can Explain

For 12 Days of Rowaelin

Prompt: Yulemas Lights

Fic masterlist

I know it’s very rude of me to only post this now, I promise I was not planning to wait that long. I hope you have fun with this fic’s closure!

Warnings: NSFW, language, drinking, mentions of inappropriate intimate tattoos

Word count: 5,5k (oops?)

“Tell me about your parents.”

Rowan hummed, thoughtful. “Dad’s a pretty laid-back guy, but mom keeps him in line. She’s the strict one, I take after her.” A tilt of his head. “I once read online that’s reason why I overthink, but I don’t think they traumatized me that much. Just the normal amount.” He looked at her dead in the eye. “I definitely don’t have daddy issues.”

Chuckling, Aelin elbowed his side. “You’re not helping.”

He deftly gripped her attacking elbow and stroked it with his thumb, his eyes filled with something she couldn’t quite decipher. “You don’t need to think too hard on it, they’ll be mushy just by knowing you drove all the way here to buy them something.”

Aelin sighed and nodded. She didn’t prepare that much back in Doranelle to this, but now that she’d met the Whitethorns, she wanted to get them a Yulemas present. The hardest part was buying something nice on Yulemas Eve Eve that would fit her student budget, but she’d manage.

Their excuse to come downtown Mistward was so Aelin could get to know the city, and it wasn’t that much of a lie. With streets filled with stores decorated for the holidays, it was a sight. There were people going in all directions, probably late with the gift shopping too. There was also a Santa on a white, wheeled vehicle pulled by a horse that was going around the shopping area. She assumed it was supposed to be Santa Claus in a one horse open sleigh, but she decided to not pick on this poor attempt at Santa. Let them live their inaccurate holiday joy.

“Are you sure you’re not cold?” Rowan gave her a pointed look. “I can get that extra jacket on the car.”

Aelin looked down at her red sundress that had an open back and spaghetti straps, frowning. She was fine. Not one arm hair out of place. In the meanwhile, he was wearing a long-sleeved shirt and pants, and she also didn’t miss how his Adam’s apple bobbed before his eyes snapped back to hers.

Interesting.

“Remind me to never take you to Terrasen in the winter,” she snickered. God, Rowan wouldn’t survive a day in knee-deep snow.

His eyes lit up. “That means you’ll take me there in the summer, then?”

“I need enough money to get back there myself first.” Aelin walked ahead of him a little, towards a storefront, so he wouldn’t see her flush. That really sounded like an invitation, didn’t it? And she hoped what she’d just said didn’t sound too much like a dismissal. Truth was, she was confused.

They were fake dating, that was a fact. However, her feelings about Rowan changed a lot since her first day in Mistward. They settled the deal before those piano lessons together. And getting acquainted with his family. Watching him drag Enda’s kids on a sled with the mower did its trick too. And honestly? Aelin wasn’t above the emotional consequences of cuddling at night.

She took a deep breath and stopped pretending that storefroent was interesting, focusing back on Rowan.

He was gazing at her already, a soft look on his eyes.

She was so screwed.

˜˜

After finding a nice gift for his parents, Rowan insisted on having dinner at this fancy pasta place.

The best part of it? The wine.

Aelin was currently explaining to Rowan what only three people in the world knew: the complete chain of events that led her to start a dating hiatus.

“It’s hard to find so many suitable one-night stands, but I had just broken up with Chaol, so I wanted something casually serious. So this guy, Sam… well, he made a family on The Sims with me.”

Rowan frowned. “That’s creepy.”

She sighed. “I know, but I thought it was cute at the time. Anyway. Since we were already married on his game, you’d think he wanted something serious, right?”

He tilted his head. “Right…”

“Wrong!” Aelin yelled, and then looked around, giggling and a bit embarrassed. This wasn’t the kind of restaurant it was okay to be screaming at, but she was blaming the wine. “When I mentioned that we were in a situationship, he said the label was too much.” Sweeping her arms, she forgot once more about keeping a low profile.

Rowan was quietly chuckling at her antics when the food came.

Could it even be called food?

The plate itself reminded her of a Victorian hat with a particularly wide brim. Only for the ladies who liked to be a little extra. She could even imagine some lady called Edith or Cecily pulling this off effortlessly. The border of the plate went for what felt like miles, and after a lot of what seemed like a waste of space in a dishwasher, there was a small depression. The bottom and center of the plate had a small portion of spaghetti cocooned, as wide as her palm if she was lucky.

Looking at Rowan, he seemed to be at loss too. Aelin didn’t know much about his dining habits, but she knew damn well that a portion that size wasn’t enough to grow the kind of muscles he had. Finally looking at her in the eye, he seemed to apologize with his own when she shook her head and smiled. She wasn’t going to complain about being brought to a nice date in a fancy restaurant downtown.

Wait.

Was this a date?

“So Sam was the final nail in the coffin?” Rowan prompted, wanting to know which date was bad enough to make her want to go celibate for a year.

“No, that would be Archer.” He sat back and sipped his wine, waiting. Aelin took a deep breath, steeling herself. “He would always ask me when I’d give him a chance, but I never took him seriously. He was just that kind of guy no one takes seriously, but the bar was so low that I did.”

“It’s really hard to believe that you, of all people, were struggling so much to date.”

Aelin just groaned in response.

“Anyway,” she continued, “The date was fun, and I think he even put in some effort… for his standards. The problem was his tattoo.”

Aelin didn’t miss the way Rowan quickly glanced at his tattooed arm while she said it.

“He had an intimate tattoo,” she explained, followed by a dramatic pause. “Of Pinocchio.”

Rowan blinked, then his eyes slowly widened with the realization of what she was implying, and he seemed to be so surprised they spoke at the same time:

“Please don’t tell me the nose was—”

“And Pinocchio’s nose was—”

Aelin somberly nodded.

Rowan took a sip of his wine. “But did you…” He cleared his throat. “Did you?”

She gaped. “I would never sit on Pinocchio’s nose.”

He nodded, looked at his food and took a swig of his wine before resuming his dinner. Aelin wondered if she ruined it by mentioning another man’s dick tat, but he looked up at her with a resolved look on his face.

“You do realize that the amount of guys with inappropriate tattoos or virtual families with you isn’t that big, right?”

Aelin didn’t like his tone. She leaned away from Rowan on her chair and asked a little too defensive, “Your point is?”

Truth was, Aelin didn’t get that much annoyed when people would question her dating hiatus. She’d usually just wait until their speech was over and let it go. But for some reason, all those speeches she shrugged off for months were coming back to haunt her during this vacation. Did she give up too soon? Was she wasting her youth on this? Having her celibacy questioned by Rowan struck a nerve, Aelin just had to find out why.

“Sometimes people are so focused on what’s happening directly to them, they forget to look around for better options.”

Her mouth opened and closed before she found the words “I did look around! The view was terrible.”

Scratching the back of his neck, Rowan tried to rephrase it. “I was actually telling you to consider possibilities you haven’t thought of before.”

“You’re telling me to try girls?” Her mouth fell open. It wasn’t a bad idea, she just wasn’t expecting that suggestion.

Looking tired from trying to explain himself, Rowan sighed. “When’s your hiatus ending?”

“On March 3rd.”

He sipped his wine. “Noted.”

Aelin blinked. “What?”

She would not think too much on this. She would not think about this while holding him tonight.

He leaned back on his seat and shrugged. “You’ll have to wait and see.”

˜˜

Rowan was motionless, staring at the car like he was reading its soul. Or like someone had just dropped the keys in the river and he stood there, watching it fall into the bottom. Considering it was Rowan, any other thing would make it easier to drive than the situation they were currently in.

Drunk.

Actually, they weren’t drunk. Tipsy sounds more fitting. Maybe somewhere between these two?

Aelin checked her watch. There was still time to catch a train. Maeve’s house had a really difficult access, though, so she’d need someone to pick them up at the station.

“I’m calling Sellene,” Aelin broke the silence.

That was enough to make Rowan fall out of his trance. “Absolutely not!” He ran a hand through his head. “She’ll mock us to death.”

Aelin’s smile was so big she could swear the corners of Rowan’s mouth tilted up. “She’ll mock you to death! Sel loves me.”

Sellene answered the phone before Rowan could make an argument out of this.

“What the fuck are you two still doing downtown?” Her friend’s voice boomed before anyone could even say hello.

“Honey, langua— oh, hi, Aelin!” Uncle Ellys showed up smiling behind Sellene.

Aelin quickly explained their drunken situation and asked her to pick them up at the train station closest to the family’s house, and Rowan stayed curiously silent the whole time. It probably had something to do with the mischievous glint that grew in Sellene’s eyes every sentence, which reached its peak when Uncle Ellys furrowed his eyebrows and suggested, “Why don’t you two stay at a hotel and drive back in the morning? That way no one needs to get the car back on Yulemas Eve.”

Sel’s smile was so big she looked like a maniac. “That’s a great idea, dad!”

The little bitch.

She knew damn well Aelin wasn’t actually dating Rowan.

This was going to be so awkward.

Rowan cleared his throat. “I’m not sure this is a good—“

“I think it’s perfect, Ro.”

He continued, glaring this time. “I didn’t bring anything to spend the night. I have no clothes, no toiletries—“

“Good to know we’ve got it settled then!” Unaffected, Sellene’s grin was so smug it was annoying. “If it isn’t my favorite couple.”

Ellys frowned. “I thought it was Marceline and Princess Bubblegum, Dear.”

“I guess you’re right.” She let out a dramatic sigh. “Anyway, bye!” Sellene sing-sang.

”Sellene, don’t—“ Rowan shouted, but it was too late.

She had already hung up on them.

Rowan sighed, and Aelin pocketed her phone, leaning her back in the car to think. They were already sharing a bed anyway, staying at a hotel for the night wouldn’t be that bad. It’d be almost the same, right?

Rowan didn’t think so, apparently.

“I’m gonna try my parents,” he finally said.

“Okay.”

“Yeah. Okay.”

“But don’t you think it’s weird?” Aelin said before he hit the call button.

His thumb hovered above the screen for a moment, then he carefully asked, “What would be weird?”

“Refusing to spend the night away. We’re supposed to be dating, remember?”

He locked his phone and leaned on the car as well, arms crossed. “I’d never spend the night with my girlfriend without clean clothes and a toothbrush.”

“The only one you’d need out of those two is very easy to buy,” she snickered. “Besides, you can’t ask your mom to rescue you. You should be flattered for the opportunity to spend the night with me.”

“I am.”

The yellow streetlights didn’t help, but Aelin could see Rowan’s cheeks turning a shade pinker. Cute, she marveled.

“Besides,” he continued, “We usually need all hands on deck during Yulemas Eve. I’ll waste too much time coming back here tomorrow to get the car.”

She tilted her head. “It’ll be a nuisance.”

“A big one.”

Aelin grinned. “And we can’t let that happen.”

He shook his head, lips tugging up. “Absolutely not.”

“So which hotel are we picking?”

“The closest one.”

Her shoulders dropped. “Oh. Sure.”

Rowan was a practical person. Of course he’d pick the closest one. And there was no reason for her to hope for another hotel, since this decision had been purely practical.

Something about her expression gave her away. He bumped her shoulder. “I’m open to suggestions, though.”

“I don’t have suggestions, I’ve never been here.” She bumped his shoulder back. “I just thought we were choosing together, that’s all.”

He raised his eyebrows, silently asking her to continue.

“For example, I like it when they have those huge breakfast buffets. With…” she shrugged, a playful grin forming on her lips. “Bread, fruit, yoghurt…”

Rowan crossed his arms, smiling. “Only bread, fruit and yoghurt?”

His teasing hadn’t been that funny, but Aelin cackled anyway. “Well, I’m not gonna complain if they also happen to have cake and chocolate croissant.”

“Okay…” he focused on his phone for a moment, the corners of his lips still crinkling with amusement, then guided them forward by placing a hand on her back. “Google Maps tells me there’s a store close by, and you can tell me what kind of hotels you like while I buy some toiletries to survive the night.”

The small shopping became a little more, and that’s how they ended up in a hotel room’s balcony, a plastic bag with the essentials waiting inside while they ate hot dogs and shared a bottle of wine, no glasses. They blamed this second dinner on the fancy restaurant with miniature portions, but she wouldn’t have it any other way.

“This hot dog is so much better than the ones I make.”

Rowan held a finger up, asking for a moment while he finished this bite, and asked, “You cook?”

A smirk just for him. “I don’t. That’s why this is better.”

They both chuckled, Rowan’s eyes glinting while he looked at her in such a way that made her question if tonight’s food was upsetting her stomach. She looked away. “I had to learn for Sellene’s birthday, though.”

“That’s right.” He straightened his posture, recognition in his eyes. “You were so busy, I forgot you were in charge of the food too.”

“I was in charge of everything after Sel’s third beer.” She rolled her eyes playfully. Sellene was such a traitorous bitch. Aelin loved her to death. “That’s why I didn’t pay much attention to the guests, I think.”

Also because she was dating Chaol at the time. But dear Mala, it felt like a waste not properly meeting Rowan that day. The longer she got to know him, the strongest she felt about that party and the 11 months that followed suit.

He chugged wine for the longest time that night before he said, “I had intentions of making myself known once you were free.”

Aelin was too distracted by his mouth on that bottle, but her heart stopped when it finally clicked.

“Really?” She looked deep into his eyes, looking for an answer that went beyond his words.

He nodded. “Really.”

She took the bottle from his hand. It was her time to have some wine.

“It would’ve been nice.”

He didn’t need to answer that. And they both also knew what stopped him that day: Aelin’s boyfriend arriving mid-party.

Still, there was no controlling that bubbly, sparkly feeling inside her that only grew the more she thought about that.

Rowan was ready to hit on her when they first met. Isn’t that the most romantic thing?

For some reason, this time Aelin didn’t feel like shying away from whatever was happening. Just let herself feel, even though she was trying really hard to understand those feelings. She didn’t know how to continue this conversation, though.

“I thought I’d never face a hot dog after Sellene’s birthday party,” she added between bites. The amount of research and preparation Aelin did for that night was crazy. She never knew there’s so much to the art of hot dogs.

“They were a little traumatizing, yes.”

“That’s not what I meant!” She chided in mock offense while handing the bottle to that rude fake boyfriend of hers.

“I’m letting you blame the sausage’s bad quality if you want.”

“I don’t know…” Aelin leaned back on her chair. Her research included which ingredients to buy, it’d end up being her fault too. “I kinda became a sausage specialist for that party—“

She was interrupted by the blaring sound of Rowan gagging and heaving. He had a shocked look on his face, widened eyes aimed at her while he clutched the base of his neck. There was a little wine running down his nose and mouth, and that was probably from the choking.

Aelin dropped her things and started gently stroking his shoulders, even though she knew this wouldn’t actually help. She was somewhere between wanting to soothe him and feeling a little embarrassed after accidentaly making a sexual innuendo so bad Rowan almost choked to death. Literally. Would it be selfish to hope his choking didn’t let him notice the flush on her cheeks?

“That’s embarrassing,” he said a few moments later.

Aelin had already a tissue on her hand when she replied, “You know, you look kinda cute with a wine mustache.”

He snorted, and that little gush of air directly on her fingers weirdly sent goosebumps—

No.

This was supposed to be just about Aelin’s imagination running wild because of Rowan’s irresistibleness. There was no way she…

Aelin removed her hand and gazed at at Rowan. His straight nose and cheekbones had a natural glow from the moonlight. His eyes were gleaming while he looked back at her, and something told her it couldn’t be due to any Yulemas lights that twinkled around them. Mistward was beautiful today, but not nearly as much as that reserved man who had fire in his eyes when he looked at her.

There were so many things she felt like doing while looking at him, but at the same time she didn’t want to change anything at all. Aelin wanted to be in this exact moment forever. With him.

Wine out his nose and all.

Something dawned on her, and Aelin’s eyes widened with the realization.

“Oh my God,” she blurted, her eyes slowly searching his.

“What?” Rowan was still a little hazy.

When their gaze finally settled on each other’s, she quietly confided, “I think I like you.”

Aelin would do everything in her possession to never forget how his face slowly lit up as he processed what she’d said, his confused expression giving away space for him to show her a blinding smile.

He didn’t say anything, though.

At first he just cradled her face, tender strokes on her jaw making her head tilt up while he seemed lost somewhere between her eyes and her lips.

Why was it suddenly so hard to breathe?

She could see his tongue‘s quickly appear between his lips, wetting them as their faces slowly came together.

Way too slowly.

Impatient, Aelin cradled his face with both hands and closed the distance at once, pressing their lips together. And as soon as she initiated it, his touch seemed as urgent as hers.

Rowan’s hands roamed through her face, neck, shoulders, until they found her waist and pulled her as close as one physically could, making her fall on his lap. With her neck in his mouth’s direction, Rowan decided to take advantage of that. He pecked, licked and sucked that patch of skin until Aelin was writhing on his thigh, silently begging him for something. Even she didn’t know exactly what.

When Rowan started dragging his teeth along her pulse point with a heavenly amount of pressure, Aelin held his shoulders with both hands, adjusting herself just enough to feel his shaft below her thigh.

He groaned. “We don’t have to.”

His voice was so pained it almost sounded comical. It would be, if Aelin wasn’t as excited as he was.

She pulled his hair, making Rowan’s neck arch towards her. He stared at her with parted lips, a mist of hunger and surrender in his eyes.

“I need to.” Aelin wriggled her hips, pressing against him and making him swallow hard.

He started playing with the hem of her dress, and it took a pointed look for her to process that he was still asking for permission.

“Please.”

Rowan sneaked his hands below her dress until both of his hands were full with her ass, and tugged her towards him hard enough to leave a mark.

And that was when their control snapped.

It became a blur of sinful caresses and bruising, urgent kisses until Rowan picked her up. The six steps from the balcony to the bed were the longest of her life.

Between kisses, he began to fumble with her dress. “What’s up with girls and their difficult clothes?”

“Three ties isn’t too much.” She wasn’t even wearing a bra. Aelin laughed, but it was a bit strained.

“They’re obstacles. It’s annoying,” he said while undoing the straps on her shoulders. And frowned. Aelin bit back her laughter while she turned around, showing the last string on her back. “Too much,” he grunted while untying it.

The feel of those thin strands falling on her back left a trail of goosebumps, or maybe it was just the effect of Rowan’s hands on her, along with the anticipation of what was to come.

She mentioned to turn around, but Rowan’s hands had her pinned, laying on her stomach. He gently brushed her long hair aside and kissed her shoulders and back downwards. He brushed his teeth through Aelin’s ass, biting it softly. Her breath hitched, her hips arching his way.

However, Rowan took her panties off, turned her around and started kissing her inner thigh. When Aelin realized where he was headed, she was already whimpering. He was all teasing kisses and warming her up at first, so she wasn’t expecting it when Rowan pressed his tongue against her clit with the perfect amount of pressure, making her cry out and arch her hips. He didn’t mind her pressing herself against his face, though. Not by the way he grabbed her hips hard enough to bruise and kept her there.

The mix of Rowan’s tongue on her clit, his stubble rubbing against her slit and his hands practically squeezing her hips was going to be the death of her. Aelin was panting with shaky legs, moaning his name. Bursting from the inside out, she was seeing stars every time he applied a bit more pressure.

“Ro, I’m so close.”

He just hummed, not ready to get his mouth off her, and plunged two fingers inside her without further notice.

Aelin screamed.

She shattered completely, becoming nothing more than a mess of limbs, holding every piece of the bed sheet she could and squeezing Rowan’s head between her thighs while waves of pleasure ripped through her.

Rowan was above her in a second, kissing her gently. “You okay?”

“That’s really hard to answer right now,” she answered, panting.

He chuckled, seeming a little wrecked as well. “Wanna stop?”

“Fuck, no.”

She pulled him by the hair for another kiss and began to fumble with his pants. Impatient, Rowan rose to pull out his clothes for once and-

Fuck.

Aelin had always thought Rowan looked as gorgeous as one of those ripped guys from ancient statues, but it wasn’t true. His penis was too big for him to be one of them. What a shame. Actually, not a shame at all for Aelin.

Rowan was staring at her, naked with a condom on his hand, his mouth hanging open somewhere between amused and incredulous.

Wait, did she say that out loud?

To avoid further comment, she kneeled on the bed and wrapped her arms around Rowan, kissing him slowly until he melted into her touch. Without breaking the kiss, Aelin started working on his cock until he couldn’t take it anymore.

When they laid back on the bed, she had never seen a guy put a condom on so fast. To be fair, Aelin was pretty much the same, guiding him towards her entrance as soon as possible.

They started slow, holding on to each other while Rowan pushed into her.

“You feel so fucking good,” he rasped against her ear as he bottomed her out.

Aelin moaned, wiggling her hips in a silent plea for him to move inside her, which he quickly obliged.

She moaned and marked his back with her nails as he thrusted in with an intense pace. They were completely lost in each other. Moaning, whispering sweet nothings, kissing wherever their mouths could reach. Aelin wrapped her legs around him and her muscles tightened, making him suck in a sharp breath and lose composure.

“Are you close?”

Her affirmative answer sounded a lot like a whimper, but he got the message.

Letting out a shaky breath, that chase made him lose the rhythm they previously found, but Rowan sneaked a hand between their bodies and pressed this thumb to Aelin’s clit.

The grip she had on his shoulders tightened. “Fuck, Ro.”

Her breath shattered when she came to the peak of that crescendo, and he seemed just as intoxicated. It was like Rowan was lighting her on fire, and every explosion was a reason for her to call his name. When the feeling of his thumb on her swollen clit and his cock hitting that spot was too much, Aelin’s hips started to tremble and she came undone in his arms, Rowan’s name on her lips the whole time.

Being pushed over the edge as well, Rowan’s hips stuttered and his whole body tensed, right before he seemed to dissolve above her.

He crashed on her side and gave gentle pecks on her face after disposing the condom, both of them still recomposing themselves.

Staring at the ceiling, Aelin was trying to figure if this was because she hadn’t had sex for almost a year, or if Rowan was just that good. She needed to try again to be certain.

He turned to her and cradled Aelin in his arms, giving her a peck in the forehead. Rowan studied her face, looking for something until she looked up at him, her uncertain face slowly giving space to a shy grin.

Aelin adjusted herself on his arms and let him lazily caress her body.

She always suspected sex with Rowan would be good, but dear Mala. It was almost too much, his cock and tongue and fingers wearing her out until she combusted so much she felt she could die in that bed. Well, if Aelin really thought of it, those orgasms were well deserved. She needed them, since she didn’t have her sleeping pills right now. Should she thank Santa? It was probably Yulemas Eve by now.

Aelin let out a happy sigh and Rowan affectionately squeezed her, resting his face on the crown of her head.

She mentally sent Santa a thumbs up, not caring that he doesn’t actually exist or that Rowan didn’t like him as a kid.

~~

There were hands brushing her hair back and stroking her arms.

What a nuisance.

Aelin rolled over to the other side of the bed, trying to fall back into that deep slumber she was in.

The mattress dipped beside her, and the covers Aelin had just placed covering her face were gently pushed aside.

It was going to be one of those days, then.

“I sneaked out some mini chocolate croissant for you.”

Interesting.

“I’m awake,” she mumbled.

Chuckling, Rowan continued to run his fingers through her hair when she sat on the bed, eyes still closed. Aelin leaned into his touch. For Mala’s sake, did that man know how to touch her everywhere?

His fingers brushed against her lower lip. “Want some?”

When Aelin closed her mouth with the mini croissant Rowan put there, it was a delicious explosion of butter, chocolate and that delicious crackling crust flooding her senses. Her shoulders dropped and she moaned, overwhelmed by pastry heaven.

Rowan’s hand on her hair stilled, so Aelin finally had reason enough to open her eyes. How dare he stop? Aelin rubbed her eyes and cracked them open to complain, only to see Rowan staring at her with darkened eyes and parted lips.

Well, that was one look to wake her up with. Smirking, she let her covers drop just a little. Just to tease him, since he knew damn well she had nothing underneath.

Before she could think, Rowan was face to face with her on the bed. “You know, we have a few hours between breakfast and check-out time.” He dropped kisses on her jaw and neck, a sweet invite to continue last night’s activity.

Aelin started looking for her clothes on the floor, but she found them folded on the chair. So organized. Her boyfri-

Oh, fuck.

They needed to talk, didn’t they?

Aelin grabbed her things and locked herself in the bathroom. Her mind was going a mile a minute.

During her shower, she wondered about the broken promise of her year-long celibacy. Well, being tore apart by Rowan was much cooler than that. But what was supposed to happen now?

Aelin stared at herself in the mirror while she brushed her teeth. Was it a one-time thing? She’d stay with his family for at least one more week, would she manage to stay away from him? Would she want to stay away from him? No probably not.

God, her hair was a mess. And she didn’t have enough supplies to make her effortful effortless makeup look. Aelin sighed. Maybe she’d just start the conversation and see what Rowan’s expectations were. He didn’t seem like the guy who would run away from something remotely serious and dread becoming more, but still. Also, he knew damn well she’d had enough of this type of guy for a lifetime already. It’s not like Aelin was looking for a husband, for Mala’s sake, some reliable company or even something casually serious would be just fine.

Out of the bathroom, Rowan was on the bed with his phone, while her own was on a charger he borrowed from reception. He looked up at her, and Aelin’s heart melted with the fond look in his eyes.

“I want to talk about last night.”

Rowan put his phone down. “What about it?”

“Well…” she began tracing circles on the mattress with her finger, trying to think of a good way to start. “It changes things, don’t you think?”

“I don’t see why we should change anything.”

Aelin held on a sigh. Of course. Flashbacks from every reason why she started a dating hiatus popped in her mind, except this one was worse because she already has feelings—

“I mean,” he continued, “We already agreed on dating, right?”

Her heart stopped. What?

“No, we agreed on fake dating,” she carefully explained. “Now we’re redefining things, but it seems like we’re fake dating with benefits.”

“What’s the difference between dating and fake dating with benefits?”

God, she wished she had the simple mind of a man. After explaining everything in detail, Rowan seemed just as lost.

“Sounds the same to me. I’ll just keep calling you my girlfriend.” He scratched the back of his neck. “If that’s okay with you?”

It was perfect, actually. Aelin’s smile was so wide it was an answer on itself. “We’re dating, then?”

“We were always dating.”

“Absolutely not!”

“I introduced you to my parents and told them you’re my girlfriend. That’s dating to me.”

Aelin shook her head. Because they were fake dating, but Rowan didn’t have basic trope knowledge. “But we weren’t getting physical!”

Rowan crossed his arms, a smug grin on his face. “Yet.”

She mirrored his posture, eyebrows raised. “Is that so?”

“I had big plans of seducing you after your dating hiatus.”

Aelin’s jaw dropped, but it quickly became a huge grin. She definitely wasn’t expecting that. “And what did these plans entail?”

He turned her around and guided her towards the door with both hands gripping her waist. “I’ll show you after breakfast,” he whispered on her ear by the time her hand reached the doorknob.

Well, that was some surprising plot twist in her celibate year.

Aelin was still quite sure love is an unreliable bitch.

However, things were looking really good for her this time.

A/N: If you got to this point, thank you for reading and not giving up on my writing after I kinda disappeared for a while! Specially for reading a holiday fic mid-March lol. So uncool of me. I’m a little embarrassed about that, if you can’t tell. Ha. Let’s hope next time I finish at least before I take the decorations down, huh?

TAG LIST

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@fangirlprincess09

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@wishfulimaginings

[pavedinashes-if]

U because I feel like you are too cool for us mere mortals.

W because you are actually hilarious.

Y because I also feel like if you did.. we would all collectively need therapy.. because of how awesome you are!

I at first wanted to spell out weirdo but some of those options are too mushy and I can't. I don't need u melting from the wholesomeness like a vampire stepping into the sun.

Also to whoever said Sai wants to torture us or mentioned sassiness. That's plain lies!! Sai is a true sadist uhm sweetheart and would enjoy never subject us to anything untoward. Just all scary uhm good vibes and healthy capable mature characters.

This is a safe happy space.. where we will all probably be together once we read these demos 😇

U - we are mutuals and I don't understand how

W - you're funny

Y - you don't express yourself enough

@ U - would you call this an attitude problem? 🤔, anyways...you can't run no more 😈 i am surprised you stayed

@ W - huh? You mean the jokes about me saying I got emotions too?

@ Y - seriously tho, who would want that?! 😐👈🏻 also therapy is expensive

... 🤦🏻‍♀️ I shouldn't have paid you so much to write this. We seriously need to communicate better. It is a tad too much, you know? How will people ever believe what comes out of your or my mouth in the future, hm? Did you ever consider this? Before (!) spilling all the sickening sweet praise?! Hmm?! Did you ever consider how people will perceive us two hotties? I mean apart from being fabulous of course...

[student-in-nightraven]

hii, could i rq a matchup with anyone from obey me, twst or kamisama kiss? ☆⌒ヽ(*'､^*)

im a bi girl, 5'3, intp-t 4w5 + aquarius, id say im some kind of ambiverted like 60% awkward-reserved-anti-social introvert and 40% chaotic, rambly, all over the place, once i start i dont stop extrovert?? depends on my mood i think (˘∀˘) for some random traits i'm erratic, eccentric, conscientious, creative, empathetic, unserious, sarcastic, not a team player and definitely come across as strange to literally anyone not used to me

hmmmm some hobbies i have are baking, writing, editing and arts + crafts (drawing, painting, making my own random stuff like candles, soap, stickers) - very practical very fun 🧝‍♀️ i also like gaming when i have time which is basically always bc im lazy and hate work, i leave everything last minute and procrastinate so much bc i and i'd rather be doing what i want instead of boring stuff 😒👎 it all ends up rushed and low effort unless im passionate abt it. probably why i'm also never on time but that's also bc i love sleeping

if i had to pick a label for whatever my style's supposed to be {bc i just dress in whatever looks good tbh} i'd say a hybrid of grunge and indie maybe💪😘 i take pride in my dress sense actually i think its gojus (μ_μ)

i have collections/mini collections of a couple things - plushies, crystals, stickers, bracelets and i keep anything and everything people might give me, i've done it as long as i can remember, like not even gifts just if someone gives me a rock or a piece of stationery or origami etc it'll be in my possession forever i'm too sentimental to get rid of anything, i have so much scattered everywhere it's unfunny 🧍‍♀️ i think my love languages are physical affection bc i love closeness altho im crap with emotional stuff but words of affirmation and mushy fluffy stuff can be pretty neat {even if it's embarrassing and awkward xox} + gifts bc i love buying myself stuff and receiving presents, i also like giving them but i feel like i'm spending too little or too much or compare it to what they give back to me and feel like it's not good enough or what they'd want bc i'm usually either too stingy or spend too much and think too much + feel bad when it feels like i don't give back to people as much as they give to me in any sense?? | (• -•)|

i love purple, literature, rock/pop/dance/techno music, space, halloween, history, things that smell nice/scented stuff, philosophy, nature, horror, psychology, fantasy, sweet/sour/salty foods, and animals {especially my bunnies ofc, my pride and joy <3} so im working towards becoming a vet bc im good w science and i'd definitely rather look after them than humans bc i am not a people person i'd fail miserably xox

i don't like ppl who are ignorant or inconsiderate bc they're annoying and punchable, my family, the ocean bc it's scary and doing embarrassing stuff which tbh is basically everything smh

anyways i tried to condense whatever i could think of LMAO but i cba to do anymore 💀💌 thank u!!

The Kamisama requests always make me happy:')

I match you with..

..

...Mizuki!

The most gentle and sweet lover in the whole world.

He matches you like CRAZY, soulmates real;

Loves being chaotic with you, getting caught up in shenanigans and being lovey dovey with you;

He just randomly snuggles up to you whether it's in his snake form or human form, if snake form let's out occasional cute bloops that you die for, he also does the cute snake yawn, he knows it's cute and he's doing it on PURPOSE;

I hc that mizuki is great at portraits and has painting sessions with you in which you 2 paint in peace and show eachother the piece;

You teach him how to properly bake so that he doesn't drop lizards in almost everything you bake-

"but-but it's for good luck:("

"Mizuki, no"

He encourages you not wanting to work and lazes off with you, if for no reason Tomoe comes over he annoyingly comments on how as your familiar mizuki shouldn't encourage this but who listens to him;

Spends mornings sleeping in with you, if you have to go to school he'll just transform into his snake form and accompany you there!

Loves your collection of crystals and other things, so he finds the most beautiful crystals just for you♡

Loves your bunnies and cradles them in his hands, your basically a family, your bunnies have a dad now;

So in all he's the perfect match for you, the most peaceful and loveable relationship ♡⁠˖

Thank you for the request dear annon! May you have a wonderful week<3

[deludedfantasy]

Trimax Vol 6 Ch 1-3

These chapters were so!!!! The trauma continues, but it's so so good. Anyway, my brain has been very mushy these past few days, but some thoughts on the beginning of Vol 6.

Ch1

Trimax does this thing where it effortlessly goes from joking to being serious and it’s doing that right now in this conversation between Meryl and Wolfwood. Sometimes it’s almost painful because it feels like it’s the characters’ way of coping with the situation and it really shows here. Wolfwood is trying to give Meryl—who is traumatized and trying to deal with a lot of new revelations about her friend—some levity, an out from this dangerous situation she’s in, and it isn’t hitting quite right.

Also, I can’t believe that Wolfwood has no idea what Vash is (or at least he says so. I think he probably has some suspicions) but Meryl does. I keep coming back to this but it says a lot about Vash that he’s never the one to give his friends that information about himself. He’s very private, but also I think it’s caution and fear. How would they react to knowing that he isn’t human in the slightest? Will he be able to deal with it if they turn away from him in disgust?

There’s a great commentary going on about power and who gets to wield it. In a lawless world like Gunsmoke, your survival is determined by how much power you have and the best way to gain it is with a good gun. What do you do with that power? Do you use it for good or ill? To take what you want or protect what you have? How does it shape you? And who gets to have it? The contrast between the sheriff’s blind desire for a Marlon gun versus Meryl considering what having that kind of firepower does to her. And perhaps by extension, Vash.

I love, love, love getting more Meryl backstory. Never enough Meryl backstory.

Vash takes his training so seriously, always pushing himself to the brink, to be the best he can be and go above and beyond even that. If there’s one thing he has in spades, it’s commitment and determination. Like, I can’t imagine how much it would take to make your finger bleed from pulling a trigger so many times.

Interesting, Vash has new glasses! And they hide even more of his eyes. Now no one can see how he’s really feeling at all.

Knowing what she does about Vash now, Meryl wonders if he can still pull the trigger. The thing is, one way or another, he’s always had these memories, and despite everything he’s been through, he’s kept on going, kept on doing the tough things, the things that hurt him sometimes, because they were the right thing to do. Again, he’s determined.

DETERMINATION

Anyway, love how protective Wolfwood is of the Punisher and that Vash just…took it anyway.

Ch 2

Wolfwood and his nightmares. They truly hurt me. He’s given up everything to protect the orphanage, including his own humanity. But now he’s afraid that it won’t be enough, that the very people he’s working with (who also happen to be the people he’s trying to protect the orphanage from) are going to destroy everything he cares about. And there’s nothing he can do. It’s heart-wrenching.

I wonder who’s saying, “Do you really think there won’t be consequences?” Is it his conscience or someone else? And consequences for what? Personally, I think it’s consequences for continuing down this path and being who and what he is. 

“It’s my job.” Wolfwood does not like getting praise from Knives. It’s only making the conflict inside himself worse. 

Wolfwood tried to kill Knives after Fifth Moon! He saw what he could do and went, “This has to be stopped!” But the sheer fear and power Knives put out stopped him and he was put back on the path of being a tool, an assassin. He draws a direct connection between Knives and Vash with their power to project emotion. It scares the shit out of him! How can these two creatures possibly be anything other than a threat to humanity? After the destruction he witnessed in the Dragon’s Nest he has to confront this again and really think about how willing he is to let this go on. 

First of all: what an iconic panel. Secondly, I can’t get over how Vash’s friendly, open face is contrasted with Wolfwood’s stark fear. Vash just showed up out of nowhere, without a sound, while Wolfwood is thinking about the kind of monster he is. On top of that, that friendly face is overshadowed by the damage he did to the Fifth Moon. Talk about cognitive dissonance. Right now, Wolfwood can’t imagine how all of this can coexist in one person.

And then an even more iconic panel!! Wolfwood points his gun at Vash! A lot of people have analyzed this better than I ever could, but I need to talk about this because it’s just too good. 

For a moment, Wolfwood really thinks about doing it. He couldn’t stop Knives, he was too powerful. But maybe, if he takes Vash off the board, he’ll be able to stop all this destruction that awaits them in the future. The thing is, in his fear, Wolfwood forgets that Vash isn’t the problem. Knives is the one with the world-ending plans, and Vash is the only one trying to stop it and the only one who truly stands a chance. But all he can think about right now is the weapon of mass destruction he first saw in Fifth Moon and was reminded of in the Dragon’s Nest. Until Vash turns around and he sees his face again. Until he’s faced with the fact that Vash is a lot more than a weapon and is the only person who’s ever been concerned with saving people. 

Wolfwood is like, “Ok, I’m not gonna kill him, but I am going to keep him from getting in more trouble than necessary.”

Meanwhile Vash is already running straight into danger as if to prove all of Wolfwood’s fears wrong. And standing directly in the path of a truck. We love one man. 

Yeah, Wolfwood to the rescue!! This chapter is just full of iconic panels honestly. After just thinking about killing him, he protects Vash with the Punisher! He’s probably telling himself it’s his job, but really, it’s because he knows Vash and he cares about him, more than he’s afraid of him. 

Love love love how they instinctively fight back to back. In the grand scheme of things, they haven’t known each other long, but this shows the level of trust they’ve already developed. They move together and trust the other enough to turn their back on them in battle. Can you tell this chapter is hitting me hard in the Vashwood feels?

Wolfwood is once again reminded of just who and what Vash is. Vash knew Wolfwood was protecting his back, so he knew that he pointed a gun on him on the roof. And yet, Vash never said anything about it, even trusting him enough to turn his back on him again, during a fight no less. It’s the reminder Wolfwood needs. This is who Vash really is. Not a weapon, but a kind, understanding (perhaps too understanding for Wolfwood sometimes) man. 

“Everything’s different when I’m back to back with him.” Sums it all up basically. When he’s with him, Wolfwood’s fear and doubt melts away, because this is who Vash truly is. Wolfwood trusts him.

Also, damn Milly. I want whatever helped her sleep through that.

Ch 3

Ah, Legato, so delightfully toxically devoted to Knives. Even after he broke his spine and sidelined him, kept him from killing Vash in revenge, he’s still willing to serve him. 

Elendira, on the other hand, is so tired of his shit. Oopsie, just gonna spill my drink because you’re insufferable but I have to deal with you anyway because we’re in the same murder gang together. She’s the best.

Double Fang and Trip of Death!!!! The Eye of Michael!!! My favorite religious assassins!!!

So Knives has his own castle of evil made from a fallen spaceship? Yeah, that sounds like him. 

Even on my second read, I can’t figure out why Double Fang kills Ogre and Joe. They’re Eye of Michael too, right? Were they not supposed to be there? Are they traitors somehow?

Ewwww, Legato. Why is his tongue so long???

Not much to say for this chapter except ooh, new characters! With cool designs!

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

Everything is so awful right now.

I was already freaking out from the thieves, barely slept, and literally shaking from the emotions and anxiety of going into the shop for the first time since the robberies started to hunt for tools I need that probably aren’t there.

And then every little thing went wrong.

The coffee maker is broken, so I was boiling water to make coffee and the kettle leaked turning the stove into a lagoon.

I’d set on the stove a pocket knife I need for opening the dog flea/tick stuff and a good tape measure or measuring a fence, but even though they had been set on the “dry” side the paper towel I’d set them on touched the edge of the water and wicked it up, soaking them before I got back.

I was slow getting back because the wound on my ankle has reopened, so it took extra bandaging and walking is agony.

Opening the canned food I need for a couple of the cats, the pull tab tore off. The can opener doesn’t work right, so I was able to only open about a third of the can and had to pry the rest.

I found ticks on me and a mosquito biting me before I even set foot out of the house.

The stove was crawling with ants, and with no counters I tried to set things on the coffee maker. Ants would get in my food anyway. (Come on ant poison, arrive early!)

I decided to make myself an omelette as a treat, only to forget how the burner doesn’t work because for a couple weeks it had been working again. Now it was back to “high or off” temperatures. So I had burned omelette. Yum.

I had just enough milk left for my coffee. It had gone bad, adding a “lovely” tang to my coffee.

The fridge had fluctuated in temperature, having thawed stuff that had been frozen in the back (it freezes stuff there in summer, so I had actually counted on it to make some things last longer with my once a month shopping). I am not going to be eating mushy freeze and thaw veggies.

I dropped my tooth brush, bristles down, on the most filthy part of the floor.

A couple of dogs had scratched their sore skin so much it bled, so I had to treat them for that was well as their normal medicines.

Now I have to go deal with the fence, and all that work and stress, on a day with a forecast heat index of 106F.

I know that the thieves know they can just walk around the side of the fence by Ryoga’s. I know there is no way I can fence it off because I have no where near enough fencing and no posts.

And, yes, I KNOW I could just set up a camera there….but are YOU going to help me buy a camera??? I can’t afford an oil change for my car and people keep suggesting things to do to protect myself that involve money!!!!**

**And guns…..of, course. Trouble is I haven’t used the guns in about, um, well, more than ten years since Pop was alive. The Luger is the only one I know is usable since Mom got it worked on just before her stroke (five years ago…but still), but I can never find the blasted thing. I know I put it somewhere safe, but.. It isn’t kept in the gun cabinet, since I have lost the key to the cabinet! LOL

But honestly, what good is a gun with thieves that sneak in when you aren’t looking anyway? A gun isn’t going to help, damn it! And neither is the person suggesting it…