#Awakening Rehab

[yuukei-yikes]

ratio + takane cannot properly walk after getting her body back. kano HELPS her out of the tank he can go sob outside later (not only can she not walk but she's also having a panic attack for sensory overload. 2 YEARS. KANO CAN GO SOB OUTSIDE LATER. HE HELPS HER!!!!!) and seto carries her back to the hideout. i know this. also she's on a wheelchair while on rehab. she has messy coordination to walk cuz her muscles are atrophied and stands with her knees together and bent. i KNOW THIS.

[unfortunate-arrow]

𝐀𝐧𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠’𝐬 𝐏𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞

→ for @hp-12monthsofmagic’s January prompt of “Anything’s possible if you’ve got enough nerve.” This story centers around Sara O’Donnell and her eldest son, Declan, having a heart-to-heart shortly before his seventh year.

August 30, 2018 — The O’Donnell-Lee Creature Reserve and Rehabilitation Center, County Donegal, Ireland

“Hey, kiddo,” Sara O’Donnell-Lee said, sitting down on the stone wall next to her eldest son, staring out at the sea and sky. The sea was surprisingly violent, crashing against the cliffs and the small sandy beach below, as if it could sense the turmoil in the teenager’s mind. The sky, on the other hand, was the canvas of the setting sun, painted with yellows and oranges and pinks and purples and reds. 

“Kiddo, come on, talk to me,” she said, nudging the auburn-haired boy. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

Declan sighed, but didn’t say anything. Sara leaned over and squeezed her son’s hand. It didn’t matter that he would be seventeen in less than two days. He would always be her baby, just like his sisters and brother would. “Kiddo…”

“Mum,” Declan said, a slight warning in his voice.

“I’m worried about you, Dec. You’ve been moping since your letter came. Did the captain position go to someone else? Or because Violet’s a prefect?”

“I’m still the captain. And I’m not annoyed that Violet’s a prefect. Everyone knew she would be. She’s just like Dora. And Brendan. I’m fine.”

“You sound just like your uncle. And I never believed that Conor was fine when he said he was and I don’t believe you right now.”

Declan sighed again and stared out at the sky and sea. The sky was darker now, the warm colors having dissipated as the sun fell below the horizon. Instead, stars had started to dot the sky, twinkling little lights that hung like ornaments around the moon. The sea had calmed a bit too, the waves’ roar becoming a din, the background noise for the nocturnal creatures that would be starting to stir. 

“Hey, talk to me, Declan. Maybe I can help,” she said, moving to drape an arm around his shoulders.

“I’m fine,” he responded and Sara shook her head.

“Don’t use that on me, Declan Ryan. If I thought that you were actually fine, I would have left you to brood by the sea in peace.”

Declan let out an irritated sigh. “Fine. Scouts are coming to the first games of the season.” 

“For professional teams?”

“Yeah.”

“Hey, watch the tone. You know I don’t get quidditch.”

“Okay, okay. Yeah, for the pro teams.”

“I’m sure you’re going to wow them.”

“There’s a lot of talent out there. But they’re expanding their scope beyond Hogwarts and Ireland and the Isles. That’s even more.”

“Declan. I have complete confidence in you and your abilities. I might not get quidditch, but I know that. You’ve got the nerve and the talent and the determination. I’ve been by your side for your entire life. I’ve seen you overcome your struggles with dyslexia and I know you don’t always feel like you’re a member of the family. But, I love you and I know how much work you have put into quidditch and honing your skills. You’re going to do amazing.”

“You’re my mum. Of course you’re going to say that.”

“Declan. I’m not just saying this because you’re my son. I truly believe that you can get a spot. You’re talented and determined and you’ve got the nerve to shoot for the stars.” 

[libartz]

Anders: No but think about it. Was there an insurrection *before* I was locked in solitary? No. Has there been one since I got out of solitary? No! They wouldn’t dare, now that Baby A is back on the scene!

[markllockwood]

luxury rehab centres in south africa

[samkerrworshipper]

your moms are here

leah williamson x reader, jordan nobbs x reader, (wobbs as coparents)

part 5 of beautiful girl series pt.1 -> pt.2 -> pt.3 -> pt.4

warnings: if your any bit emotionally unstable this isn’t for u x

You didn’t expect to wake up, let alone wake up warm and in a fraction of the amount of pain you’d been in the last time you’d been conscious enough to feel anything.

Your eyes were still crammed shut, your chest still hurt, your body was still shaking, but you felt better, less like you were dangling on the cliff of life and death, you weren’t sure where you were, or if you were even alive.

Was this they greater beyond?

Was it the warmth of death’s embrace?

You knew it wasn’t, because there was still the dull pain and the tension all over your body. You didn’t believe that life after death was anything, that it was actually some overwhelming cloud of happiness and perfection, but if it did exist, if there was some kind of heaven, this wasn’t it.

You thought about the places you could be, in bed at Matt’s house, in bed at your mom’s house, in bed at some kidnappers house, in bed at rehab.

You quickly eliminated each option, the bed and sheets weren’t the same from your bed or Matt’s, kidnappers didn’t normally concern themselves with comfortability, and in your mind rehab would have more detoxing, screaming, junkies.

Out of pure fear, you tried to crack your eyes open, it wasn’t easy, but with some concentration that made your forehead feel like it was being split open, you managed to slowly crack your right eye open. There was sleep and tears keeping your eyelashes stuck together, which made it far harder then it should have been, the blinding white light directly above your head wasn’t much help either.

You took back what you thought, everything hurt.

From your toenails to the follicles on top of your head, it felt like every single nerve in your body was being plucked and split in half.

Your whole body curled itself up into a ball, it made the shaking a little bit less like your body was being exorcised.

You realised very quickly as your eye became accustomed to the light around you that you were in the last place you possibly wanted to be.

You should have clocked on to it, based on the persistent beeping noise coming from above you and the cords that were connected to your arm.

They’d dropped you off out the front of a fucking hospital.

Or someone had found you and called a ambulance.

Or your moms had taken you to the hospital.

Or you were in some sick twisted dream.

With the rest of the energy that was left in your body you managed to crack open your other eye, it wasn’t easy, but it helped you feel more aware of your surroundings.

It was a surprisingly quiet hospital, or at least by your standards.

You tried to sit up, but it was no use, your body was completely spent, all of the energy felt like it had been completely pulled from your body.

Withdrawals, maybe.

Or the reaction of the opioid with the stimulant.

Those were your best guesses as to how you’d ended up feeling like death.

You didn’t have to wait long to find out, the curtain which was keeping you contained from the rest of the ER was opened up, a nurse waltzing her way over to your bedside.

You couldn’t help but feel a little bit vulnerable, you could hardly move your body and had a lot less control over it then you would have liked.

“Miss dump and run awakens.”

Dump and run.

You couldn’t decide whether or not you were mad with your friends, on one hand, it was smart of them to drop you off at an er. They had no medical knowledge, they were druggies, they didn’t need a dead body on their hands. On the other hand, they’d left you, deserted you, left you for dead.

The nurse moved to your IV and monitor, looking at the different flashing numbers and writing them down on her clipboard, before she looked down and addressed you properly.

“Had a lot of drugs in your system for such a wee thing like yourself. Your friends were smart to drop you here, you would have been as good as dead with that much meth in your system for any longer. I’ve seen a lot of overdoses in my day, you might just take the cake though, darlin’.”

Overdose?

A fucking overdose?

You’d been doing drugs for months now, meth, a smidge of coke, little bits of molly and LSD, a little sprinkle of heroin, opioids a couple of times, plenty of weed. Not once had you ever overdosed, you’d never seen someone overdose, you’d come to think it was urban myth.

You’d hardly taken anything, two shoot ups within a couple of hours of each other, it wasn’t something you’d done before but it also wasn’t exorbitant or something you hadn’t seen other people do.

“Sorry, an overdose?”

You were still shaking, it was less obvious underneath the shitty hospital blanket that was on top of you, but you were still shaking like a leaf in the wind.

“Yup, think you had more meth in your blood stream then blood. The saline should flush it all out until your guardians get here.”

Guardians?

What?

What the actual fuck was this nightmare that you were stuck in.

“Sorry, my guardians?”

The nurse looked back down at her clipboard.

“Ms Williamson and Ms Nobbs? We’re obligated to call emergency contacts in life threatening circumstances and those were the ones that were on your phone, they should be here soon enough.”

You didn’t care that you couldn’t moved, you needed to leave.

“I want to discharge, now.”

The nurse looked at you like you had gone silly, like you were in a psychiatric ward instead of the emergency one.

“You’re underage, and you’d have to sign a waiver saying that you are aware you’re going against doctors orders, a lot of paperwork, and you’d actually have to be strong enough to walk out of here, which I can promise you is not happening any time soon,”

The nurse pointed to the IV bag.

“There’s still another hour or so left on this, until it’s done that dizzines your experiencing and the weakness isn’t going to pass. You’re frighteningly dehydrated and full of methamphetamines.”

Fuck.

You were so fucking fucked.

“Please, I’ll sign whatever forms, just let me leave, please.”

You didn’t know how you planned to leave, considering you weren’t even mobile enough to roll onto your back to look at the nurse properly, eye to eye.

“You get up and walk to my desk where the papers are and you can leave, how’s that sound, sweetheart?”

You want to yell directly into her face and tell her to let you fucking leave. But you don’t, you have a inch of self-respect that prevents you from doing it.

“Please.”

You’ve never liked to beg, you did enough of it during your youth, begging for your mom to not leave you home alone every night, begging for things to get better, begging for your life to get better, and it had. Jordan and Leah had introduced you to a whole new world, a beautiful world, the kind of world you’d read about as a child, they’d given you anything and everything you’d wanted growing up. You’d become gracious, but promised yourself that you’d never beg in the same way that you always had, but when your life had been turned upside down, you’d reverted back to your old ways.

“I have a daughter of my own, y’know, around your age. If she was in your situation all I would care about is her being okay, that’s whats most important.”

You rolled your eyes, you were certain of one things, your moms would be mad, you were surprised they were coming at all, everyone had deserted you, it felt like you had nobody.

“Can i get something for the pain?”

You were intelligent enough to know that the iv was detoxing you at a rapid rate, whilst it was saving your life, it also meant that you were going to be sent into withdrawals a lot faster then you should have. You weren’t going to get your hands on meth, clearly. So you needed a substitute, luckily, you were currently sitting in a hospital which was filled with every single painkiller known to man.

“Good try honey, a part from the fact that your bloodstream and body couldn’t even handle a tylenol at the minute, I’m also not going to give an addict drugs, just hang in honey, the chest pain and muscle cramps should start to pass soon.”

Just as she was finishing, your eyes darted to the emergency room doors, which were now hanging open as your two moms and Lia walked through the doors.

Jordan was dressed in the same sweats she’d been in all morning, her face was red and puffy, eyes bloodshot and still full of tears.

Leah looked more put together, she had a pair of slacks on and a clean shirt, her eyes were as red as Jordan’s but she appeared to have put on more of a brave face.

Your eyes darted everywhere, looking for some kind of escape, or to stop their fast steps that were slowly getting closer to you with every millisecond that passed.

There was no hope for you.

If the drugs hadn’t killed you then your moms would.

Leah managed to cross into your makeshift room first, her eyes flashing across every inch of your body. You expected her to ask the nurse a question, or yell at you, but she didn’t.

She walked straight to your bedside, your nurse moving out of the way, and without you being aware of what was happening, wrapped her arms around your body.

You didn’t hug your moms a lot anymore.

In the start, when you’d started out with them, it had taken a lot of effort from them to make you trust them with that kind of contact, but eventually, you’d become reliant on their hugs, the shoulder pats, the little motherly touches here and there that you’d never gotten as a kid.

When they’d broken up, the hugs and contact had faded, similarly to the love in the house, it was like everything personal, everything that made Leah’s house a home had been drained.

“You’re okay, thank god you’re okay.”

Leah’s body lingered on your own body long enough for Jordan’s arms to wrap around your body on the other side of you.

You hadn’t been hugged by the both of them in over a year, you felt guilty for wishing that this wouldn’t be a one time thing, that you could have this whenever you wanted. That wasn’t your life though, it wasn’t your reality, it wasn’t reality.

You let yourself relax, you knew you’d regret it when the moment ended, it’d make it that much harder to realise you couldn’t have this, but you let yourself enjoy it whilst you had it.

It lasted longer than you’d thought, it was hard, Jordan hugs were addictive. You didn’t get them a lot anymore, occasionally you’d get a hug from Leah, once every blue moon when she wanted one, but it wasn’t like this. It wasn’t body on body, feelings on feelings, love on love.

You didn’t know if you knew what love felt like anymore, over the years it had been distorted, you were certain that love could only be given to a person in transaction. It’s why you’d tried to be perfect, the perfect kid, the perfect student, the perfect player. You’d given up when Jordan had left, it didn’t matter anymore, there wasn’t enough love to be shared around between you and Leah. Love to you, was a privilege, not something that everyone had extra of. You had to earn love, or at keast that;s how you’d always seen it. You’d never been good enough for your own parents, that’s how you’d ended up with Jordan and Leah, from them you’d always craved that love, the love you’d never gotten and you’d been willing to do anything for it, you still were.

“We love you so much chicky, so much.”

You enjoyed the little murmurs, the little whispers in your ears that were so heartfelt and meaningful that you could feel the tears of your moms dripping down each side of your neck.

All good things come to and end, but it didn’t make it any easier.

Leah, unsurprisingly was the first to turn to your nurse.

“They didn’t tell me anything on the phone, just that we needed to come here, she’s okay?”

Your nurse nodded at your mom.

“Yes ma’am, we’re flushing her out right now. She wants to discharge herself, it’s going against medical advice but she’s free to once she’d done with her iv and she’s regained some strength.”

Jordan sat down on the bed next to you, leaving a big enough gap of space that you could still feel her presence but weren’t pressed up against her, she was listening just intently as Leah to the nurse.

“Flushing her out? Of what?”

Fuck.

You’d never ever, in your life, known Leah to not be inquisitive, she needed and wanted answers to everything, but this was worrying you. There were things you kept a secret for a reason.

“Methamphetamines, she had a pretty high amount circulating in her body. I can get the doctor to come and talk to you about it. Her body had built up a decent tolerance, she took it a lot better than you or I would. Apart from that she’s in fairly good condition, although the doctor did have some concerns about some scratches and bruises that seemed consistent with domestic or sexual abuse.”

You watched, in a series of moments, your mothers face fall more and more as the nurse kept speaking. Leah was pretty good at having a poker face, she had to for her job, she also kept a brave face for life though. You’d hardly seen a break in her resolve since her injury but right now, she was keeping nothing hidden. You felt Jordan’s body go rigid behind you as well, you knew shit was about to get real.

You considered strangling yourself with the blanket on top of you, or drowning yourself in the toilet bowl in the adjacent bathroom. It sounded better than the conversation that was about to occur.

“You’re daughter is very lucky, stupid, but lucky. Her friends ditched her at the front door, if they had of been any later she’d be in far worse condition. She was here just quick enough for us to counteract the drugs and stop them from effecting her mental cognition. Her friends shouldn’t have ditched her, or let her get that far gone, but you should be grateful they were at least smart enough to take her somewhere she could get help. I’m going to go find the doctor, he can talk to you about different option you have, and I’ll leave you guys to talk for a little bit, okay?”

Leah nodded, dumbfoundedly, trying her best to smile at the nurse as she made her way towards the exit of your room, closing the curtains and then the door.

Leah pivoted as soon as she was gone, looking down at you with so much horror and pain that you could feel it in your gut.

“Meth, bubba? You’ve been doing meth?”

The sentence hung in the air for a few seconds, filling up all of the space, you hoped that after a couple of seconds that it would disappear, like it had never been said.

“It’s not a big deal.”

You should have chosen your words more precisely, but you were finding it hard to think with all of the drug haze clouding your head.

“Not a big deal? You told me it was the vape, then it was weed, then it was coke and now iut’s fucking meth? There is nothing not big about that bubba. This isn’t just something you can do for fun, this isn’t okay, this is serious. You could die from this. You almost did. You’re 17. 17 year olds aren’t supposed to die. Why bubba? What made you want to do this, not just to yourself but to your life, to everyone. Do you know how scared your mother and I have been. The whole team has been calling up hospitals and roaming the streets looking for you. We’ve been terrified.”

Guilt was one of the best ways to make a person admit they were wrong, you knew it, you’d watched your moms manipulate each other during the break up the same way. They’d use something against the other until it spiralled into a massive fight which would end with someone sleeping at a teammates house or on the couch.

“I’m sorry, okay? Can we just go home? I want to go home.”

Another poor choice in words apparently by the look on Leah’s face.

“No we can’t just go home, we need to talk about this bubba, you overdosed on meth. You have a tolerance for it, which means you’ve been using it for a while. You have bruises and you’re in a hospital bed unable to move. You’re addicted to a drug that I would have thought you’d have absolutely no interest in. You’ve got a disease bubba, you’ve got an addiction and we’re going to work it out, we’ll fix it.”

Similar to being a control freak, Leah was also a person who wanted to fix everything. No problem was big enough for her, apparently your whole life wasn’t either.

“Mom this isn’t a disease, this isn’t like fucking cancer or something. I made a choice, I have it under control, this is my life. I’m choosing to live it this way.”

Your mom looks like she’s about to lose her shit.

“I understand that you think you have this under control and that you think this is the best way to be living your life but it fucking isn’t. I understand you’re struggling, but this isn’t okay, you’re a kid, you can;t be doing this.”

Worst thing you can tell a addict, you can’t take drugs.

Because yes you most certainly can, it’s a free motherfucking country.

“I understand what I’m doing, it doesn’t make me a bad person or any different from your or mama. You don’t like who i am anymore, not since i quit football and stopped being who you wanted me to be, I’ve changed and you have to accept that, this is me mom, this is who I am.”

Leah looked flabbergasted.

“You want me to just nod my head and accept my daughter is a junkie, right? That’s the permission you are seeking, you aren’t going to get it bubba, this isn’t anywhere near okay. This isn’t you, people change, I change, you’re allowed to be different then how you were a couple of years ago. Drugs isn’t how you change yourself, it’s not how you reinvent yourself. You can’t live your whole fucking life like this because guess what, you’ll end up dead. Addiction is a degenerative disease, it is incurable, it is deadly, it’s no fucking different from cancer and you’ve got it. I understand that, you’ve got an addiction, we’ll figure it out. I am not going to enable you to keep abusing a substance that will kill you. You’ve got a death wish and I won’t sit by and allow it to happen. I thought I was cool, I thought it was good of me to be accepting that you’re a teenager and you were going to do stupud stuff, I let you get away with much more than I should have. I’m sorry, I’m sorry that if I gave you to much space that you felt the need to do this, I’m sorry that I wasn’t a good enough parent to see the warning signs, but I won’t let you kill yourself bubba, not when I can stop it from happening.”

Jordan was still silent, as passive as ever, she’d always taken a backseat, the silent enabler.

“You’ve got no fucking idea what I’m going through, I’m sorry I scared you, but I don’t have to explain my actions to you, you understand nothing about what I’m dealing with.”

The first time you sweared in the presence of Leah and Jordan was your second day with them. You didn’t even know what swearing was, you’d just picked up words that had been said as you’d been growing up. You hadn’t hesitated to throw a ‘fuck’ out when you’d stubbed your foot on the kitchen bench as you’d been pouring yourself a glass of water.

You’d known something was wrong though when you’d turned around to sit back down at the table with Leah and Jordan and both of them looked like they’d seen a ghost.

You’d hardly swore after that, to your core, you were a people pleaser, you didn’t like to be in trouble, right now though it was like everything you’d grown up with was exiting your body. You felt like a monster, like a version of yourself you didn’t know and it was hard, it was really fucking hard. You didn’t want to break down, you were scared that if you were vulnerable you’d be taken advantage of again, the same way that you friends had, so you put up your won shields.

“I don’t need to know what you’re going through to know that this isn’t good. We’ll get you into rehab, we’ll get you clean, we’re here for you, right Jords?”

You could feel Jordan nodding from behind you.

“I’m not going to rehab, fuck no.”

Leah was pacing, it was what she did when she was stressed, it was a clear tell.

“So, I’m just supposed to allow you back into my house, knowing that you’ve been hiding an addiction from me for months, trust that my drug addicted child will stay clean on her own account and be willing to go through withdrawals and not give in to her own addiction. Do you think I don’t love you, is that it? Because right now you’re telling me that I am expected to allow my daughter to use drugs, lethal drugs that almsot killed her, under my roof, allow you to live your life as you want it, and leave you alone. As a person who loves you and has loved your for the past 9 years of your life, are you actually hearing what you are saying?”

Love.

It was a curious thing, your mother thought she loved you, or at least she felt like she did. Ut was funny how to you, you felt the exact opposite way.

“So what you’re doing this to show me you love me or something? Reality check, you haven’t given a fucking shit about me in months, it’s all about Lia, all about your knee. I’m not selfish enough to expect that you can focus on me whilst your recovering but don’t try and act like you’ve been loving and caring about me this whole time when you haven’t.”

Leah sits herself down, she can only handle so long on her feet nowadays.

“Maybe you should coem stay with me, come to rehab in Birmingham. Bubba, your mom is still struggling.”

You’re more than shocked to hear Jordan pipe up, it reignites something else in you.

“No you don’t get to have a fucking say. You left me, you don’t text anymore, you don’t call. I’m only your kid when it’s convenient for you, which is about 10 days every year. You don’t even try with me, you washed your hands of me a year ago and you don’t get to come back now. You gave me up.”

Your sick of being the understanding one, sick of being the one everybody could burden with their problems, sick of being the fucking scapegoat in every situation.

“Look kid, i think you need to have some more respect for your mothers.”

Lia.

Fucking Lia and her audacity and her fucking butting into all of your family problems.

“No you don’t get a fucking say, you move in a couple of months ago to support my mom and all of a sudden your my third fucking parent. You’ve got nothing to do with me, You don’t get to have a say in anything, you aren’t apart of this fucking family.”

Leah looked like she was having about 30 wars with herself inside of her head, like she was struggling to figure out which side of her brain she should side with.

“Bubba, we’ve talked about this, you need to be respectful to Lia.”

You were sick of everybody telling you that you had to respect people, that you had to follow fucking rules. They wondered why you’d spiralled.

“No, fuck this, fuck you, fuck jordan, fuck everything. I made a series of decisions, ones that I am happy with, this is how I am living my life.”

Leah took a deep breath, before turning to face you.

It was hard looking at her eye to eye, you were putting her through a lot right now, and a part of you deep down felt bad about it. You didn’t want to make your mom feel in pain, you didn’t want her to suffer, it was the last thing you wanted. Without her, you’d be as good as nothing, you’d have absolutely nothing. But you were lashing out, you were as frantic as your sore chest and pumping heart would let you be.

“Bubba. You don’t seen what’s wrong. I do, Jordan and I are sitting here talking to a girl that we don’t know. This isn’t our daughter, this isn’t the girl we’ve raised. You’re going to go to rehab, you’re going to detox, you’re going to get properly clean and once you are we’ll have this conversation again, see if you have a different perspective.”

You didn’t want to have this conversation when you were clean, you wanted to have it now.

“No. If you gave a shit about me, like you’re acting to, you wouldn’t have fucking broken up in the first place. You wouldn’t have torn my life apart, you wouldn’t have done this to me. You wouldn’t have stopped cring about me, you wouldn’t have stopped loving me. Let me go, let me leave. You fucking did this to me and if you want to make it up to me you’ll let me leave.”

You saw Leah’s face fall to another level.

“I can’t do that bubba.”

You felt like you were spinning out of control, like you were in a car that had just fallen over a cliff, and you were slowly doing flip after flip as the car catapulted towards the rocks at the bottom.

“Mom, just let me leave, let me go, please mom, let me leave, let me fucking leave.”

Leah just shook her head at you.

“Bubba, I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, it might not ever. I know me and your mom breaking up was hard for you, you didn’t deserve that, and I’m sorry for that, but neither of us could handle keeping you in a household without love, and I know it’s different now, I’m so sorry for that, I wish we could go back. But we can’t, me and your mom don’t love each other more, we can’t just love each other. We love you though, we love you more then anything else. We would both pick you above anybody in the world, you’re our beautiful little girl, you’re our girl. You’ll never not be our daughter. We chose you years ago and we would choose you again today, everyday, for the rest of our lives. No matter what you do.”

There are big tears dripping down your moms face, you’ve seen her cry plenty in your life, Leah Williamson is known to be an emotional person, but not like this, not with this much anguish and pain in her face, never like this.

“You don’t love me, you can’t fucking love me, I’m not like either of you. I break people apart, I’m a catalyst, everywhere I go, I tear people a part, I wreck their lives. I wrecked my parents, I wrecked you guys relationship, I wrecked my own life. I’m a fucking semi-truck that bulldozes through peoples lives, just let me leave and you guys can be happy again.”

Leah takes a double take, her fists are white from how hard they are holding onto the arms of the chair she’s sat in. You’re surprised she doesn’t yell back at you, but instead of meeting your aggression with an equal amount, she composes herself.

“Bubba, do you know how much I love you, how much your mama and I love you? If you could take all of the words in the english language, it still wouldn’t be enough to describe how much we love you. And if you could gather all of those words together, it still wouldn’t be enough. What we feel for you is everything. I love you more than everything. You don’t pull people a part, you’ve made your mama and I happier than we ever would have been without you. You light up our lives everyday, I know it doesn’t feel like it, but just seeing you everyday is my biggest achievement, it’s the best part of my day. Seeing you grow up to be the person Jord and I raised will forever be the best part of my life. You didn’t tear us apart, if anything you were what kept us together for so long, because being around you made us both so happy, that all of our problems didn’t matter as much. Eventually it was too much though, it had nothing to do with you, it never will, it never did. You’re the light in our life, you are our whole universe. We just want you to be okay, you don’t have to be who you were, people change, but you need to be okay. You’re not okay right now, there isn’t anything wrong with that, it’s okay to not be okay, but me and your mama will find you help if you don’t seek it our yourself. You need to go to rehab, you can’t live your life like this, it isn’t sustainable. Drugs ruin peoples lives. I don’t need to throw stats at you for you to understand the magnitude of drug related deaths, because that’s how this will end, with you dead. You’ve been through so much bubba, you’re so strong, but you don’t always have to be strong, you’re allowed to break down, you’re allowed to have bad days. But drugs isn’t a way to fix that, it’s not a safe coping mechanism, you can’t rely on drugs to solve every problem that you have. You need to get clean. We love you so much, our beautiful girl.”

Everything hurts, your heart, your head, your body. Your eyes and head aren’t clear, it’s like there is a fuzzy haze covering everything, but you believe what Leah is telling you, she’s telling you the honest truth, and you can’t deny that.

[thegnomelord]

Maybe somewhere in his (hound) broken mind, there is a glimpse of what he was before that is buried under the torture and conditioning. But who was he really before? Was he truly the tame loyal guard dog that everyone in the task force knew him as? Or did his new owner just… awaken a deep need? Did his new owner unlock the hidden pandora’s box of desires and wants?  the desire to bite, the desire to be leashed up like the dog he has always wanted but didn't know to be?

And if that carnal desire was unleashed. I wonder how hard it would be for his previous owner (price) to accept and possibly tame the beast that was uncaged. Will he try to lock the pandora’s box and hide the hell hound? Or will he take the leash and treat him like the dog that he has always wanted to be?

And im also wondering what is hound’s past before joining the military:D

Idk mind running and ur writing is amazing mkbvctxekl;cvffve

-:3

Oooh I never thought about it like that lol :Dd I love that this story is just kinda becoming a group effort with ya'll giving me all kinds of ideas. yeah, I bet there are some parts of old Hound that Makarov hadn't managed to kill off, but they're buried deep and suppressed as like an unconscious self preservation method. And I do plan to expand it in the story and show like, old hound coming out when he's in rehab and with the 141

I wanna leave Hound's past up for the reader to decide as he's already turning into more of an OC/SI than I originally indented with the one-shot lol, but I do imagine that some of the dog like mentality does come from Hound just being a very tall and intimidating person that people saw first for his body and didn't bother to learn more about him. He was just some muscle head, to be ordered around when someone needed the heavy lifting done, and promptly left to his own devices.

So Price going that extra mile of learning about Hound, what he liked, disliked, what he aspired to be? Yeah, that earned him Hound's undivided loyalty.

Oh, Oh, how about for angst, that Price was the one that kinda started the dog thing? Like calling Hound a pup or something as a joke that spread because Hound was always next to him and following his orders. And then Makarov got Hound and just decided it would break Price even more if he turned Price's most loyal soldier into his dog.

So it's more of like, everyone told him he was a dog, so it must be true, right? What else are you good for except for snarling and mauling who you're told?

[dailyadventureprompts]

I want a low level adventure for investigating an old abandoned (why) temple/jail? Why they have been asked to go in is the adventure but as a plot hook for a future adventure they will find a locked up vampire (how) who they can leave, attempt to kill or let go. The key thing is he will offer something if they do the latter pertainent to a later adventure.

Dungeon: The Bargain At Barrowfort

A grim history and rumours of haunting keep people away from the old fortress, Once the domain of a wicked count who was all too fond of brutality and torture as a means of keeping his power. Though it has been many years since a heroic rebellion ousted the count and his patrons from power, time has yet to banish the shadow that has come to dwell behind it's battlements.

Adventure Hooks:

Using the area's foreboding reputation to avoid detection, a band of outlaws has claimed the Barrowfort as their base, striking out at caravans and small settlements with weapons salvaged from it's old armouries. When the party eventually raids the crumbling fortress, the scent of ensuing death will awaken a long slumbering hunger; the Barrowfort's ghoulish final garrison, starved out by besieging rebels and driven to unspeakable acts that cursed them with undeath.

Local lore has it that the fortress was built on the burial mound of an ancient queen, who's tomb-curse doomed the original builders and all those who laid claim to the fort in subsequent generations. Due to a quirk of inheritance, an ailing relative of one of the PCs has left them a deed in their will, and the party best get to the root of the curse (and claim their sick new base) before it brings doom upon them.

In the dungeon's deepest vault resides the last victim of the Count's cruelty: Before his capture Ser Karagol was a ruby knight of Wee Jas, goddess of death, passion, and magic. Ser Karagol was a vampire, but he was also a dutiful and pious man, living his life according to a code that restrained his appetites and directed his long centuries of unlife to the goddess's service. The count hoped to force the vampire into sharing the "gift" of immortality, binding him with holy chains and starving him for months at a time in an attempt to break him down. Decades after being forgotten in the dungeons, Karagol is in a sorry state, slipping between lucidity and feral hunger as he struggles against his bindings. Deliberation and mercy in rehabbing the vamp can earn the party a powerful ally in both the knight and his church, but a slip of awareness might result in one of them becoming gravely hurt.

Repeated acts of cruelty and deprivation have stained the Barrowfort to it's very foundations, marking it for Yeenoghu: demon lord of insatiable hunger. Some time in the future, whether the party is holding a feast in their new hall, or when an ambitious occultist claims the ruins for their own, a portal will open and allow minions of the gnawing god to steal through.

Art

[oddheadd]

Yandere Ex Boyfriend x Reader

CW: Drug use, manipulation, suicidal stuff, Angst, a bit shorter :P

He's doing it again.

I try not to break down immediately as soon as I hear his sick voice, slurring and barely managing to turn words into sentences.

"I... Need you to come here... I took too much..."

I let out a shakey breath. "I'll be right there. Got any Naloxone?"

He groans and I sigh, running into my kitchen and looking for it, left after we broke up. I grab the bottle and reassure him, before hanging up.

He did it again.

Whenever he's left with a slight inconvenience, he starts taking drugs like a starved man. Sometimes to kill himself, sometimes to grab some attention. There have been countless times with me holding his hair while he throws up, giving him Naloxone while trying not to lose my own consciousness 'cause of my boyfriend literally dying.

His condition was hard on our relationship, forcing me into a miserable life of walking on eggshells and trying to keep him alive by giving him all kinds of attention and love, even when I didn't feel like it...

I decided to send him to rehab, and he was doing fine for a few months, hadn't even touched a can of beer.

Now I don't know how to look into his eyes, with his constricted pupils, his skin void of any color and his skinny, hollowed cheeks.

I zone out, not even realizing when I arrive in front of his building. It's old and probably moldy inside. I quickly run up a few set of stairs, and barge into his apartment, the pills ready in my hand.

"Baby? Is that you?" I hear his voice call out for me. I run into the kitchen and end up absolutely flabbergasted.

"Ah, there you are!" He smiles and hugs me tight, burying his face in my neck and... Inhaling deeply.

"Are- Are you alright?" I ask, confused. "...Why is the table set..?"

I pull away from the hug.

He looks... Healthy. His cheeks aren't as hollow, his skin has returned to it's saturated color and his pupils... Are dilated.

It doesn't smell like weed.

"Hey... What's the meaning on this? You seem... Fine."

"I... Got better. Now that you're here especially-!" He chuckles awkwardly. "I knew you'd come... For me. I knew you'd never leave me to die... And I wanted to thank you for all the time you kept me alive."

I stare at him, my brows furrowed. "...Thank me?"

He nods, with an uneasy smile.

I huff. "You're disgusting. You lied that you were dying, just to get me here?"

"...I- Yeah, but-"

I tear up. "Is this a joke to you?!" I yell. "All the nights I've spent taking care of you, just for you to try and kill yourself all over again for shit like me not kissing you goodnight?! Not sucking you off?! Don't call me. Even if you're dying, I won't come to save you again."

I say the last line calmly, setting the pill pottle onto the table with a loud sound, before turning to leave.

"No.. (Y/N) Don't leave..." He frowns. I ignore him.

He grabs my wrist. "If you leave, I'll actually kill myself. My blood will be on your hands."

"Go fuck yourself."

I roughly remove his hand and slam his front door shut.

⁠♡

My ringtone awakens me. I groan as I look at the id, and see his name, along with an old photo of us hugging burns my eyes. I pick up. "If you call me one more time, I'll block your number again."

"Baby... Please, help me..." I hear him sob into the phone. "Couldn't get the 8 ball... I took some pills and I feel nauseous... I need you, please just come here and- and jus hug... Just make me feel loved like you used to... I don't wanna die alone and sad, I want you by my side...."

I hold my breath. "...You're lying again."

Some time passes and he doesn't respond. "...You there?" I ask.

My heart drops at the lack of response and I immediately get up, throw some clothes on and head to his place again. I once again, burst into his apartment and this time see him on his bed with his eyes closed. I tear up as I drop onto my knees next to him. "Can you hear me? Jacob, can you hear me?!" I shake him but it doesn't bring him to consciousness. I take a note of the random medical pill packages on the floor and sit him up, shoving my fingers down his throat to make him throw up.

He gags, his eyes opening as he throws up. I then lay him back down and grab Naloxide from the table.

⁠♡

I lay next to him, the vomit I cleaned few minutes ago still present in my mind, feeling the acid in my nails and the smell. He has his arms wrapped around me tight. His heart is still beating. In fact, it started beating faster, he should be awake.

"...Why do you keep doing this?" I ask, my voice calm.

"...How else do I keep you around?" He asks gently, his voice a little hoarse from sobbing and wailing before on the phone. "I don't wanna live... If you're not with me."

I grit my teeth. "...I hate you." I whimper, before breaking out in sobs.

"...At least you're with me." He says calmly, burying his face in my hair while rubbing my shoulder to calm me down.

A/N: Blehhh felt angsty and sad today. Hope you enjoy!

[poichanchan]

Hiii, someone relatively new to the phandom having just played through p5r, but can I ask how the swap au premise works? I'm curious what your own takes might be on how the situations for both joker and akechi happened to lead for them to be on opposite sides in comparison to the game! I tried to look it up a bit, but there's a lot of different headcanons, but I love your concepts so much I wanted to see if you had any particular thoughts on the setting :3

Hiiiii welcome to p5 brainrot jail haha! (genuinely though, welcome and im happy you enjoyed p5r!) Everyone has their take on swapAU, I specifically wanted to play with the idea of Goro and Akira swapping their ROLES ONLY.

In my AU Goro Akechi is still the son of Shido who is largely out of his life. Goro's life is a mess, his moms in rehab, and he is sent to Tokyo on probation (to his mother's friend Muhen the owner of JazzJin). I've adjusted Goro's life just enough to have him keep his childish love for justice. He finds his found family in the PT. Goro is a Snarky, whole, intelligent, a little mean, energetic, gets flustered, but also is passive and observant when he needs to be. HIS ROUGH LIFE MADE HIM GRUFF AND HONEST BUT HE ISNT JADED. Akira hates how shallow and transactional his life is. He has his awakening, ends up on Shido's radar via the research group he has in place to explore and exploit the metaverse. Akira's parents probably work around the research team somewhere and didn't think too hard about what they were getting their son into... a mix of negligence and wanting to get more opportunities as a family/bootlick. From there he has his forced 2nd awakening and gets ensnared in Shido's conspiracy. There is a lot of resentment in his life because of this, and when he is faced with Goro's existence, the literal SON OF SHIDO WHO HAS THE SAME POWERS yet life turned out so different for him because their roles are swapped its terrible. Akira is also very good at adapting to who he talks to like in canon. He is good at socializing and charming, thus the detective prince facade becomes a thing to help him gain access to deeper levels of mementos blah blah blah

Akira is also rationalizing a lot, he is seeing himself weeding corrupt people out, a hero getting hands dirty and sacrificing self for greater good. The metaverse is his stage. And he is THE showman. Detective prince Akira is more sweeping/showy/charismatic/flirty, his joker vibe comes through more normally. APART from the resentment Akira has for seeing Goro live his life the way he does, the resounding ITS NOT FAIR he feels in his heart, he also reeeeeally want the stupid phantom thieves to 'cherish your normalcy. stop messing with my plan. how fucking naive do you have to be to think THIS is justice?' COLD SEETHING FOCUSED FURY FROM AKIRA Its such a mess lol But i think hit Akira in the places that would make him play out the detective prince and Black mask bits without losing too much of his own flavor. His rationalizing is important, otherwise i felt he would feel the moral conflict harder and withdraw instead of being showy and sweeping. Also for their social links i have thoughts, i think detective Akira's special place would not be... jazzjin. I think he would drop by like canon Akechi drops by Leblanc, but nothing more. I have in mind a place up high at a height, something like the Shibuya Sky observation deck as a place he personally visits often to reflect and stare at the massive view of the city from. It felt right to have him up there looking down alone but comforted by it. Plus eventually share the view with Goro who he sees as this actual fated rival for all the reasons above. Their outfits are the way they are because i did not want to change them too severely in colorpallette or essence but wanted to play up some parts of their personality and represent it in the outfits. AND BECAUSE THIS IS A SHUAKESHU BLOG I NEED TO STRESS THAT because they are less jaded, because Akira is bolder and flirtier and Goro is more stubbornly optimistic about this dark world akira sees, they get closer alot faster, which makes the whole black mask and interrogation room bit very messy/

added pix to make post spicier THIS IS A MASSIVE POST BUT IM GLAD YOU ASKED BECAUSE I DUMPED MY THOUGHTS IN ONE PLACE FINALLY. there are some other things ive thought out a tiny bit, like hobbies etc but i put them down later when ive developed it more etc @ anyone reading, thank u for reading and these are my personal thoughts i am thingying to entertain myself!!!!! dont be mean to me thanks ;v;

[seramilla]

Here me out, age swap

Carmilla is a young adult being raised by her 5+ aunts/mothers

Sera is a young strict seraphim and Emily is her carefree older sister

Emily heads down to hell to check out the rehab hotel and sera is struck gay when she sees carmilla helping repair that damn wall

This is really stretching the rules of the four universal constants I literally just established. 😆

I’m assuming Charlie, Vaggie, Odette, and Clara are some of the aunts/moms? God this is complicated. 😂

Young Sera sees a young, spry Carmilla just lift a section of wall over her head with one claw and magically piece it back together like it’s nothing. Baby gay awakening complete. She’s a goner.

[smolstarthief]

I'm still piecing together my own Strikers AU rewrite so here are the notes for Maruki, Sumi, and Akechi's roles:

Maruki

He quietly moved to Okinawa to work with Ubukata but then quit and became a recluse.

This was all due to his research getting found among Shido's stolen shit or something which led to him getting recruited as one of the scientists only to then bail when he saw what it all entailed and seeing it all firsthand. Basically the moment he entered the lab he immediately noped out, especially once he saw an experiment in action along with Ubukata's madness almost reflecting his own. He was also one of the scientists that tried to talk him out of it but was refused or even threatened. He ends up blocking out all memories of that lab due to trauma and hidden guilt for not freeing the desires there himself. Icarus, his new persona, would be calling out his cowardice and continuing the habit of running away from his problems along with his hubris. Also some (attempt at) slow burn HaseMaru. Joins after having a new awakening in the Okinawa Jail as both a fighter and an extra Navi.

Sumi

Sumi is visiting Tokyo for the summer at her Coach's suggestion albeit recovering but still dealing with things.

Still maintains her kind and empathetic attitude despite it and would be the first of the group to actively try to bond with Zenkichi, starting with helping him set up the calling cards in Sendai and then Sapporo. That bond later extends to Akane due to having traumas in common (this can also help her feel more closure for Kasumi's death since it would be a further indication that she's not alone). The initial concept was her struggling with Cendrillon before gaining Odile after a breaking point but I ultimately scrapped it. Potential AkeSumi too.

Akechi

Decided to let the others assume he's dead so that he can go take care of himself but then decides to investigate on his own initially.

I guess the best idea I could come up with regarding Akechi is that he's been slowly investigating the change of heart cases after seeing news reports and articles from rehab/shelter. He sets out after being deemed well enough to explore outside the facility as he tries to check out the locations. Not sure when he'd cross paths with the Thieves tho but I am thinking as early as Sendai or Sapporo. He would first appear watching Alice's calling card with a smirk before leaving, indicating slight nostalgia. He's also familiar with Zenkichi and his past due to previously working with Shido and would butt heads with him for his supposed cowardice ("Didn't think the big bad wolf would be tamed so easily"). I would probably attempt closure with him, Haru, and Futaba but how I'm not sure yet.

[life-as-gwen]

The Spiritual Awakening of a Struggling Agnostic

Growing up in the Catholic Church, I had a keen understanding of rules, protocol, commandments and punishment. I was not, however, a spiritual person.

When I went into rehab, there was a lot of focus on finding your higher power. What motivates you? Where will you get your strength from for fighting your addiction? It felt like a homework assignment. I needed to find a higher power. I struggled to try and understand my feelings towards church, God, Buddhism, chakra healing and many other concepts of a higher power. I felt as if I was failing.

Every morning, very early, I would go outside the center, under a little gazebo, and have a smoke and a cup of coffee. I would stare at the mountain in the distance and wish that I was up there hiking with my kids and enjoying being with them, like I used to. I though about enjoying the beauty of the mountain, the fresh air and the peace that comes with that. I would stare at the mountain and wish for what once was.

One particular morning, there was a very thick fog outside. You couldn't see 20 feet in front of you. I stood there staring in the direction of the mountain, because this was where I always stood when I had my coffee and my cigarette in the morning. I was looking through the fog and appreciating the fact that even though I could not see it, I knew for certain that the mountain was there, just hidden right now.

It was then that my body started to shake. I started to cry and was completely overwhelmed with emotion. In that moment, I understood that just like the mountain; my freedom, my happiness, the enjoyment I got from spending time with my kids, all that life had to offer, was still there. I simply could not see it through my own fog. My fog, that had been created by sadness, depression and alcoholism. My fog that had me in a very dark place, not able to see what was ahead of me. But just as the morning fog obstructing my view of the mountain would lift, so would my own fog. The sun would come out.

The tears and the trembling continued for a long time, I had a warm feeling throughout my body and I truly felt that I was not alone there in the gazebo.

What was this experience? Where did his insight come from? Was it a logical conclusion or something more? Was I having a spiritual awakening or had I simply drank too much coffee?

What I do know is that, in that moment, I realized that there was truly something greater than myself, that there was a power out there. I was not alone on my journey. I had something or someone looking after me.

It changed everything.

[tennessoui]

Anakin in the old guard au, making his slow, slow way down to the hospital chapel in his wheelchair, having had a "religious awakening" when a week before he was an avowed atheist: Hurry up, I can't be late for confession! Poor hospital orderly transporting him: Yeah sure I believe you. Obi-Wan in the chapel, trying to do whatever his undercover stuff is: (sighing but fighting a smile) Anakin this is the third time today. Anakin: I've sinned so much since lunchtime! There was theft! Sinful theft of the strawberry jello!

anakin: ive had a religious awakening, doctor and we'll have to schedule all your invasive and painful tests around th hospital chapel's service hours. and also no tests from 10 - 2, sometimes he visits me.

dr. house level asshole doctor: god isn't real. he's not visiting you.

anakin: duh i know that shit for brains. father kenobi however is very real. now push me faster i want to get there before all the old ladies from the physical rehab ward do they take forever in the confession booth and they always pinch father kenobi's cheeks which i don't like cause i can't do it too

[clarepreed]

Beached

Story Content and Summary - 5,813 words. Leonie is on a walk when she discovers a beached mermaid in dire condition. Fantasy resuscitation, on-site.

Required reading: Sea Legs

--

Alaric

“Leonie?” 

Alaric reached out and turned on his bedside lamp, rubbing the sleep from his eyes before squinting at Leonie. His mate stood in the middle of his bedroom, long hair disheveled, dressed in nothing but a t-shirt. Her hands clutched the hem, and she looked unsettled.

“Leonie?” he asked again, pushing himself onto his elbows. “Are you okay?”

She’d been out of the hospital for two months. Out of rehab for a week. To say that her time on the surface had been rough so far would be an understatement. The Earthwalkers, surprised by her difficulties walking after her resuscitation, chalked it up to brain damage. They couldn’t know she wasn’t learning to walk again.

Since her discharge, Alaric kept a separate room. He didn’t want her to feel pressured, though he slept with the door open in case she needed him.

“I can’t rest.” Leonie’s face contorted in the dim light. “May I… sleep with you?”

“Yes! Yes, of course!” Alaric pulled back the covers and scooted back to give her room. “Come lay down, sea-lin.”

Sea-lin. A term of affection reserved for both infants and life partners, Alaric hadn’t used it since the day they parted beneath the sea. But the word slipped out naturally now, and to his surprise, a small smile passed across Leonie’s pale face.

Leonie shuffled to his bed and clicked off the lamp. He felt the mattress sink beneath her weight, then she drew the covers over them both. As his eyes adjusted, he saw hers glinting in the dark. 

“What’s wrong?” he whispered.

She didn’t immediately respond, though she inched closer until her hands brushed his. He uncurled his fingers, and she slipped her hand into his. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“Why are you sorry?”

“I have not treated you well, since…”

Alaric felt her tremble, and wanted to take her in his arms. Instead, uncertain as to how much contact she would accept, he squeezed her hand. “I just want you to feel peace, Leonie. I’ll be okay while you find it.”

“I feel…” Her voice trailed off, and he listened to her breathe for a long moment before she spoke again. “This is not my body. This is not my home. I am ill at ease on land and afraid of the sea. I am separated from my family and I cannot be a good mate. I am of no use. Worst of all, Artis did this to me!”

Her voice broke, and he heard her draw a teary breath. Unable to hold himself back any longer, he pulled his hand free from hers and gathered her up in his arms, holding her tight. His lips pressed against the top of her head. He didn’t know what to say to her. Everything he had to say would be too much.

Leonie

She fell asleep eventually, her muscles uncoiling inside the circle of Alaric’s arms. Exhaustion reigned over her each day and night, though she often found it difficult to rest. She felt alone, stranded on an island, too far away for Alaric to reach her.

Tonight, however, her longing for him and her sorrow at how rejected he must feel won out. Without knowing it was possible, she dozed off.

When she woke, hours had passed, the first fingers of light slipping in around the curtains. She and Alaric had separated a bit during the night, though he still had his arm draped over her midsection. His face looked softer in sleep, the lines of worry easing from his skin. Leonie laid there for a long time, studying his features, until her Earthwalker bladder called her attention away.

Slipping out from beneath his arm, Leonie walked back across the hall to her room to use the en suite and slip on a pair of loose pants.

The house was silent; she thought she must be the first to awaken. In the silence, she heard the gentle roar of the ocean in the distance. The water called to her. Despite everything, the pull was strong. She’d been to the beach every day since the Earthwalker healers had released her, but she could not bring herself to so much as step into the surf. The thought alone was enough to dry her mouth to sand.

Leonie found the water bottle by her bed and took a sip, swirling the water around her mouth before she swallowed it. As she screwed the cap back on, she mulled over what to do with her morning.

She could curl back up with Alaric and watch him sleep. She could attempt more of the “yoga” Pearl insisted on teaching her. She could brush her hair, something Alaric kept doing for her when she just couldn’t care less.

Instead, Leonie slipped barefoot out of the back door of the house, padding down the sandy boardwalk at the back of the scrubby expanse of grass Alaric told her was called a “yard.” This section of beach benefitted from not being a public swimming area. Unfortunately, it was next to the rocky section where Leonie had drowned.

She walked slowly through the sand, her eyes on her feet. Leonie knew she was clumsy and slow; she had eyes. Alaric moved with grace, considering his Earthwalker body. The others had long since adapted to their legs and could walk, run, and jump without issue. Eldoris urged her to be patient with herself, told her it was natural to need time. Reminded her it was harder for her since she’d nearly died.

Leonie scuffed her feet through the sand, avoiding broken shells and large pebbles. Her new feet were still tender, though Alaric told her they would toughen up the more she walked on them. 

It was because of her posture that she didn’t see the mermaid until she was right at the edge of the surf.

Leonie froze, her eyes widening. The mermaid lay sprawled on the rocky beach, her long silver tail flopping weakly. Leonie took in the length of her tail and her angular features; she was from a deeper school than Leonie’s own. Her skin looked drained of blood, aside from the cuts and bruises on her arms and down the side of her face. Her torso and neck strained, skin sucked in around her ribs. Her hair, matted and full of sand. Pale eyes stared up at the early morning sky. Her lips were slack and parted, but Leonie could see her gills, red and flared and angry.

BEACHED!

Leonie cried out and lurched forward, breaking free from her stupor and staggering over the rocky ground and into the shallow water. She splashed down onto her hands and knees, wincing as her knees struck the rocks.

“I’m a friend! Artis gave me legs, but I am a friend!” Leonie reached out and touched the mermaid’s bruised face. Her lips were turning blue. “You are too far out of the water to use your gills! Breathe with your mouth and nose!”

The mermaid’s eyes tracked across Leonie’s face before rolling back in her head. Leonie clapped her hands to the other woman’s neck, blocking her gills. “Cough up the sea and take a breath with your mouth!”

There was no response, and Leonie hastily removed her hands. She knew she wasn’t strong enough to drag the mermaid out into the ocean, and she didn’t know if that would actually fix the problem. She did know it would be bad if the Earthwalkers found her. 

“I’ll be right back!” Leonie gasped. “I’m going to get help!”

She rose clumsily to her feet and turned back toward the house, screaming. “ALARIC! ALARIC, HELP!”

Leonie staggered through the sand, tripping and lurching as she went. Frustrated tears welled in her eyes. She regretted not bringing the trekking poles Alaric had given her. “ALARIC!” Leonie went down, sprawling in the sand. When she pushed herself up onto her hands and knees, she heard someone call her name.

“Leonie?” Eldoris. Alaric’s friend ran down the boardwalk. He crouched beside her and grasped her shoulder. “Are you hurt? What’s wrong?”

Leonie pushed him away and pointed back toward the water. “Mermaid! Beached! She can’t breathe!”

“Leonie?” Alaric’s voice cut through her panic, and she whipped her head in his direction.

“Leonie found a beached mermaid. Get the kit, Alaric! And wake anyone who is home!” Eldoris reached his hand out to Leonie. “Show me, Leonie!”

She let him help her to her feet, then waved him ahead. “Run to the rocks. You will see her. I’m coming as fast as I can!”

Eldoris took off running. He was headed for the correct spot, so Leonie focused on moving quickly through the sand without falling. The sun was rising at an alarming rate and Earthwalkers could show up any minute. She’d almost made it back to the beached mermaid when Alaric sprinted past her, carrying some kind of luggage on each shoulder.

Then Leonie was back in the surf. The mermaid’s scales glinted in the dawn light, but to Leonie’s dismay, she was no longer moving.

“Oh, Artis help her! Please don’t tell me she died!” Leonie splashed through the shallows and squatted beside the mermaid’s glistening tail. Eldoris had his fingers pressed to the mermaid’s throat, close to her splayed gills. Then he bent over the mermaid and pinched her nose closed, sealing his mouth wide over hers.

Leonie heard a spluttering sound and then Eldoris said: “This isn’t going to work, the air is coming out of her gills! We have to try her in the water, Alaric!”

 Leonie watched as Alaric and Eldoris each grabbed the mermaid by an arm and dragged her into the water. The mermaid’s beautiful tail raked across the rocks, but Leonie barely had the stability to do more than stagger to her feet, let alone carry her tail.

“What have we got?” Leonie heard their housemate Pearl’s voice from behind her.

“A beached mermaid!” Leonie gasped. “She’s not breathing!”

“You need to get her further away from the Earthwalker swimming area!” Pearl snapped. She’d been on the surface for twenty years and waffled between wise and belligerent.

“She’s going to die if she doesn’t start breathing,” Eldoris said, his voice strained. Leonie was close enough now to see that they held the unfamiliar mermaid underwater, supporting her head and flapping their hands at her gills. “Come on, you’re submerged now! Take a breath!”

“This is why we need to maintain communication with the schools.” Pearl turned to look up the beach. “We could signal them and hand her over!”

That’s not what Artis wants, Leonie thought automatically. Her school had ingrained in her a respect for their deity’s rules of separation that persisted despite her feelings of betrayal and anger.

“You bought intubation kits,” Alaric said, his voice low and worried. “I saw them in the bag.”

“It doesn’t matter if the Earthwalkers see you using one. If they see her then we’ve already fucked up.” Pearl used that word again. Alaric had explained it was a word utilized for emphasis or in anger, and not when one intended to be polite or around children. Leonie thought it must be Pearl’s favorite word. “Is that helping at all?”

The water was clear, and once Leonie made her careful way closer, she saw Eldoris had his hand underwater, two fingers pressed to the mermaid’s throat.

“Her pulse is weak,” Eldoris said. “She hasn’t even tried to breathe yet.”

“Pull her out and take her further down the beach?” Alaric asked. Leonie looked up at him, trying to interpret his tone of voice. He sounded resigned, she decided, his face a mask of duty. 

“Intubate her and use Eldoris’ bag.” Pearl snapped.

Alaric nodded and quickly sloshed his way back over to the bags. Leonie followed, holding out her hands. “Let me carry something for you.”

“Take this, please,” Alaric said, plucking a few items from the kit and then handing Leonie what looked like a smooth, clear puffer fish and some tubing. “I’ll ask you for it in a bit. Come on!”

They waded back over to the mermaid, and Alaric kneeled in the water. “Bring her up to the surface, Eldoris.”

Pearl joined them, reaching out for the items in Alaric’s hands. Eldoris sat in the water, cradling the mermaid’s torso and letting her head tip back over his arm. Leonie was horrified to see how bad she looked; her lips were an unnatural shade of blue and her eyes were half-open and staring at nothing. Her skin looked drained of blood, nipples dark atop her breasts. Alaric took two silver pieces from Pearl and fit them together before shuffling around to the top of the mermaid’s head. He adjusted the tilt of her head and then opened her mouth, sliding an illuminated, blade-like section of the device inside. Alaric shook his head and pulled the device partway out before adjusting his angle and trying again.

“I haven’t done this in a long time,” he muttered.

“She needs you,” Eldoris urged. “You can do this.”

“I need someone to… the term is ‘cricoid pressure,’ but I need someone to press on her throat. Pinching gesture—” He stopped talking when Pearl stepped forward, seeming to grasp the mermaid’s airway between her fingers. “An inch higher. Yes! Thank you. Hand me the tube!”

Pearl tore a large packet open with her teeth and then held it out to Alaric, who plucked a section of tubing from inside the package. Leonie watched him slide the tube along the blade of the device, and then he said: “Okay, you can stop, Pearl! I’m going to inflate the cuff and then I’ll give her a breath and you can tell me if her chest rises. Hand me the syringe now.”

Leonie wasn’t exactly sure what Alaric was doing, but after a moment, he handed the “syringe” and the metal device to Pearl and then leaned over and wrapped his lips around the end of the tube. Then he pressed his hands over her gills. Pearl leaned over and pressed her hand low between the mermaid’s breasts as Alaric exhaled. He repeated the process, and Pearl said: “One more time,” moving her hand down to the mermaid’s stomach. 

Alaric breathed again into the tube, bubbles escaping around his fingers, but Pearl nodded. “That’s chest rise, not her stomach.”

“Professionals would use a stethoscope.” He shook his head and then looked at Leonie. “I’ll take that from you. Thank you.”

“It works just like a normal Ambu bag,” Eldoris said. “Pop it on and we’ll submerge her. I had to modify it a bit; when I tried it before, it was impossible to force water into the endotracheal tube.”

Alaric clipped the Ambu bag to the tube and then Eldoris lowered the mermaid into the water, submerging not just her but the end of the tube and the entire Ambu bag. Alaric reached down into the water and tipped the mermaid’s head back, then squeezed the bag. Leonie kneeled down beside the mermaid and put her hand in the same place where Pearl had pressed. “Do it again, Alaric.”

When he squeezed the bag, Leonie felt the mermaid’s chest rise. She looked up at him, feeling a combination of stress and excitement that made her voice squeak as she said: “That did it! I felt her chest go up and down!”

“Does she still have a pulse, Eldoris?” Alaric’s face was grim as he looked down at the unresponsive mermaid. “Pearl, I need a tube holder. It’s plastic and blue and white. It will keep this tube in place since I can’t tape it.”

“Got it,” Pearl said, shuffling back toward the rock where their bags were stashed.

Eldoris had his eyes closed, fingers pressed just beneath the mermaid’s jaw. He sat there in silence, the mermaid’s body bobbing slightly in the shallow water. Her fluke peeked out above the surface, sparkling but limp. Eldoris let out a huff of air. His eyes opened, and he looked at Alaric for a second before shifting around to the mermaid’s other side. Leonie watched as his hands stacked between her breasts, his shoulders rocking over his hands as he pumped her chest. 

Leonie knew what this meant, even if the technique differed from what she was used to. Merfolk swam up behind a dying school member and hugged them, pulling their clasped fist into that same spot over and over again. When she was still in the hospital, she’d asked Alaric why her chest hurt so much and he explained Earthwalker methods.

The water rippled around Eldoris’ submerged arms, but Leonie could still see the effect the compressions had on the mermaid’s body. Bubbles escaped her gills, and her breasts wobbled underwater with each press. Her stomach rippled, and her floating hands bobbed and swayed.

Pearl waded back over to them, handing Alaric the blue and white plastic piece he’d requested. 

“Pearl!” Eldoris exclaimed, sounding breathless. “Leonie! I need you to hold her down! I can’t do this effectively if I have to shove her down through the water every half a second!”

Leonie lurched forward inelegantly and planted her hands on the mermaid’s shoulders, pushing them down toward the sand. Pearl sat in the surf and leaned into the mermaid’s hips. Between the two of them, they kept her flat on the ocean floor as Eldoris performed chest compressions.

“What’s the plan?” Alaric asked, squeezing the bag every five or six seconds. “We don’t have meds. And we obviously can’t defibrillate her in here.”

Eldoris was counting quietly under his breath, but he snapped out: “I don’t know!”

Alaric

He shook his head, feeling his mouth set into a grim line. The mermaid was limp beneath them, tail and hands floating on the surface of the water. He kept her head pressed into the sand, airway open and the tube holder keeping the endotracheal tube in place. Her lips were still dusky, visible through the rippling water. Her eyes stared up at him, soulless as death. He could see the dark scrapes and bruises on the side of her face and down the side of her arm. The sea had been rough the night before.

Leonie kneeled in the surf beside him, her hair trailing in the water as she held the mermaid’s shoulders down. The mermaid’s pale breasts wobbled as Eldoris thrust his hands into her sternum. Her stomach popped, visible above Pearl’s hands on her glimmering hips. Eldoris had resumed counting, the quiet numbers the only words between them as he worked. 

Leonie looked up, eyes wide in her pale face. He didn’t know what to say to her, but he tried to soften his expression. He could only imagine the thoughts that might run through her mind. She bit her lip, then looked back down at the mermaid.

“…nine, ten. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. One…” Eldoris stopped counting, though he kept his hands pumping her chest. “We can’t use the AED. Pearl’s going to have to go back and get the old defibrillator. The one with the paddles. We might need to move her in and out of the water. Alaric can read the display.”

“Can you and Alaric move her yourselves?” Pearl asked. “This is the time to move her down the beach.”

“We’ll move her when I reach the end of this cycle,” Eldoris said. His volume was dysregulated, his breathing made harsh with his exertion. “I’m keeping a rough accounting of time.”

 “Leonie,” Alaric said as Pearl stood. “Hold down her hips. I can get her shoulders.”

Leonie crawled awkwardly through the surf before planting her hands at the top of the mermaid’s tail. Alaric shifted, keeping her head in place with his knees while he held one shoulder down with the hand not squeezing the bag. The mermaid was still visibly arresting, eyes unseeing, skin an abnormal color. Eldoris pushed hard and fast, his arms frothing the water.

“Does this… defib… defibrillate… work often?” Leonie asked, the unfamiliar word clunky in her mouth.

“Sometimes,” Alaric responded, still squeezing the bag. “It worked when it was you.”

“We can’t take her to the… hospital,” Leonie said. Her eyes seemed locked on the mermaid, on Eldoris’ hands beating her heart. “I hope she will live.”

“Artis willing,” Eldoris said. “We need to move her. Leonie, you’ll have to be our lookout—”

“What happened?” another male voice called out. Alaric looked up and saw Cuan running into the surf. Cuan was rarely home, preferring the company of an Earthwalker man, but Alaric was relieved to see him. “Bay is coming, too. They’re helping Pearl with the defibrillator.”

“We need help getting her to less visible waters,” Alaric said. “Leonie, get back to the beach and let us know if you see any Earthwalkers. Watch for them while we move her. Okay, sea-lin?”

Leonie nodded, lifting her body weight off of the mermaid’s hips and then stumbling to her feet. It took her a painful amount of time to make it back to the sand, Alaric keenly aware both of Leonie’s listing progress and of the rhythmic splashing sound of Eldoris’ compressions.

“Are we moving her all in one go?” Cuan asked. “Bay’s gonna bring something to block the line of sight from the Earthwalker beach.”

“Leonie will let us know if anyone is coming. If we beat Pearl, back in the water. Otherwise, down on the sand.” Eldoris sounded winded. “Unfortunately, we may have to switch back to a dry method.”

“If we keep dragging her in and out, she won’t make it.” Alaric said, glancing down at the mermaid. There was no evident change; she stared up through the frothing water, moving only because Eldoris was compressing her sternum. Alaric called out to Cuan. “Grab the bags. I’ll take her head. Eldoris will get her midway. We will just have to drag her tail. Cuan, when Leonie tells us we’re good, I’ll also need you to grab the Ambu bag.”

“I don’t see anyone!” Leonie shouted.

“Here!” Alaric squeezed the bag one more time and then disconnected it. Cuan took it from him. “Let’s go!”

Eldoris stopped chest compressions and shouted: “We each take an arm!” He demonstrated, slipping the mermaid’s arm around his shoulders and gripping her forearm. 

Alaric did the same, and they heaved her torso upright, dragging the mermaid through the surf and toward the beach, struggling against the water and the shifting sand. Her head sagged backward, wet hair dragging through the water and her open eyes staring up at the sky. Cuan ran ahead with the bags, headed around the large rock that blocked part of their private beach from Earthwalker view.

It took less time than he had feared for them to drag her around the boulder, leaving a strange trail in the sand. Leonie followed them, assuring them she didn’t see any Earthwalkers. Bay and Pearl met them, and they laid the mermaid flat on the beach behind a row of folding camp chairs Bay had hastily erected.

“Cuan, take over chest compressions!” Alaric called out, reaching inside one duffel for an unmodified Ambu bag. Cuan kneeled at the mermaid’s side, his long hair swinging as he started chest compressions. Immediately, water surged like a geyser out of her gills and the endotracheal tube.

“…five, six, seven, eight…”

“The manual defibrillator needs a new battery,” Pearl said. “All we have is the AED.”

“We can’t keep hauling her in and out of the ocean, regardless.” Alaric brought out an Ambu bag and a manual suction device. “Bay, I need you to hold her gills closed.”

Eldoris was drying the mermaid’s chest, working around Cuan’s hands. She looked even worse, water continuing to erupt from the tube and her nose and her gills, lips purple around the endotracheal tube. Alaric grabbed the pulse oximeter and reached for her hand.

Leonie

She hovered close by, uncertain if she should still keep an eye out for Earthwalkers. Her eyes kept drifting back to the mermaid’s lifeless body. 

Eldoris was drying her off with a towel. Cuan was performing chest compressions. Aside from their voices, she could hear his hands as they thudded into her chest. Water gurgled up out of the endotracheal tube. Alaric clipped something white to the mermaid’s finger, then connected the plastic bag to the end of the tube he’d inserted in her throat. Bay leaned over her, his hands covering her gills. 

Pearl had two white pads with cords of some kind trailing from them. She peeled off a square of paper from one, then pressed the pad to the mermaid’s chest, just above her right breast. 

Leonie was staring solely at the mermaid now. She’d never actually seen the mermaid version of this technique performed, and when she’d been in the water, the effects of the chest compressions were harder to see. Cuan’s brown hands looked forceful, making her ribcage dip and her stomach pop up. Her shoulders shrugged, pale breasts wobbling with the force. Leonie could hear her gagging as the hands thrust into her, as Alaric threaded another tube into her airway.

Whatever Alaric was doing didn’t take long, and he sat the device to the side as Pearl applied the second pad below and to the side of the mermaid’s left breast. Then she plugged the cords into a nearby box. “Turning it on now!”

“Analyzing rhythm!” a strange voice said. “Do not touch patient!”

Alaric kept squeezing the bag, but Cuan and Bay raised their hands. Leonie glanced back up the beach, but it was evidently still too early for the Earthwalkers. 

“Analyzing rhythm! Do not touch patient!”

“Artis save her,” Eldoris muttered.

“Shock advised. Charging!”

Eldoris lurched forward, quickly giving the mermaid a series of chest compressions before the device made a high-pitched noise. 

“Do not touch patient! Press the shock button!”

Eldoris raised his hands, and Pearl pressed a flashing yellow button on the box. The mermaid flinched, her torso spasming and her hands and silver fluke flinching.

“Shock delivered. Resume CPR for two minutes.”

Bay clapped his hands back to her gills and Cuan pressed his hands between her breasts, hastily rolling his shoulders over his hands. 

“What did that do?” Leonie asked, her voice quiet and sad as she gazed down at the mermaid’s beautiful, shimmering tail. 

“Hearts are electric,” Pearl said, shifting on her knees in the sand. “Sometimes there is no electricity and you need medications. But other times the electrical rhythm is just bad, and the AED shocks the heart to try to produce a good rhythm.”

“We don’t have this in the school,” Leonie said, her voice now soft with wonder.

“No,” Pearl agreed. “Would be a bad idea to try this in the water.”

“Oxygenation is coming up,” Alaric said. “Let’s keep it up. She still has a chance.”

“Good girl,” Eldoris said. He reached for her pale hand and squeezed it. “Stay with us.”

“…nine, ten. One, two, three…” Cuan counted. 

Leonie thought, guiltily, that the rescue effort made for quite the dramatic and almost beautiful sight. The mermaid was gorgeous, even close to death. Her skin was almost translucent. She had generous breasts and large nipples. Her abdomen was long, rippling and bulging each time her sternum was forced into her heart. She had delicate, long-fingered hands and a sizeable fluke that almost curled at the tips. 

Artis makes beauty, she thought. Pearl was strong and haughty-looking, with large gray hazel eyes. Cuan had powerful arms and a sculpted nose, wide across the bridge and proud. Bay was blonde and lithe, looking almost like a boy despite his actual age. Eldoris had dark hair like Alaric’s and was the tallest of all of them, broad-shouldered but graceful. And of course there was her mate, Alaric, his face beautiful and determined as he looked down at his work.

The compressions and ventilations seemed to go on forever,the group falling quiet aside from the whoosh of the bag and the quiet thump of Cuan’s hands into the mermaid’s chest. He made chest compressions look almost easy, his big hands pumping up and down into her limp body, her stomach rounding with the force.

“…eight, nine, ten. One—”

“Analyzing rhythm, do not touch patient!”

Leonie looked up then, as Cuan and Bay raised their hands. Her eyes focused on something in the near distance.

An Earthwalker was on the beach. Strolling, but moving steadily in their direction.

Alaric

“An Earthwalker is coming!” Leonie hissed.

“Analyzing rhythm! Do not touch patient.”

“On it!” Pearl said, scrambling to her feet as Eldoris scuttled around to take her place. She hurried over to Leonie.

“Shock advised. Charging!”

Cuan, evidently having learned from Eldoris, leaned forward and pressed his hands into her chest, rocking down into her until the AED sounded the alarm. He raised his hands as the machine announced: “Do not touch patient! Press the shock button. Do not touch patient! Press the—”

Eldoris pressed the button again, and the mermaid jerked, an agonal sound escaping her throat. 

“Shock delivered. Resume CPR for two minutes.”

“I’ll take over for this round,” Eldoris said. His hands reached for her chest, where an ugly bruise was forming between her breasts. It matched the bruises on her arms and face. 

Alaric carefully reconnected the bag as Bay covered her gills. He squeezed the bag, then glanced up at Pearl and Leonie. They appeared to be chatting casually, though Pearl kept glancing up the beach. He saw her wave, which made Leonie stiffen. Pearl clapped her on the shoulder. 

“How long do we keep trying?” Cuan asked, watching as Alaric squeezed the bag again. Eldoris didn’t respond, counting quietly under his breath as he forced the mermaid’s heart to beat.

Alaric didn’t get a chance to respond because her eyes blinked, and her hands flinched. Eldoris made a shocked noise and stopped chest compressions, his hand grasping one of her wrists. Alaric kept squeezing the bag, not yet feeling any resistance to the breaths he was giving her. Eldoris suddenly nodded and rocked back on his heels, his grip shifting to hold her hand.

“She has a pulse,” he breathed. “Thank Artis.”

“We should get her back in the water,” Alaric said. “She might start breathing on her own.”

“Child,” Eldoris said, squeezing her hand. “You are above the surface. We are going to return you to the sea.”

The mermaid made a gurgling sound, and her eyes rolled beneath her fluttering eyelids.

Alaric gave her another breath and then disconnected the bag, setting it to the side. He tucked a pair of medical shears into his back pocket, just in case. “Come on, let’s move her!”

Bay and Alaric grabbed her arms, while Cuan wrapped his arms around her waist. They heaved her awkwardly up into the air and hurried her toward the surf. Her tail flopped weakly as they ran with her. They laid her down in the shallows, Eldoris running up to them with his modified Ambu bag. Alaric took the bag from Eldoris and quickly clipped it to the end of the endotracheal tube. He squeezed it, intently watching the mermaid’s face.

Eldoris reached into the water and ran the knuckles of his fist up and down the length of her bruised sternum. Her eyes fluttered again, but she didn’t try to breathe independently.

“Let’s give her a moment,” Alaric said, squeezing the bag every five seconds. “She’s been through a lot, and I can see the air is still working its way out.”

He was referring to the fine bubbles erupting from her gills and nose. Her eyes were closed now, but she shuddered beneath the water, her fluke flipping above the water’s surface.

Eldoris took her hand again, squeezing her fingers and shaking her hand beneath the water. “If she doesn’t start breathing on her own soon…”

“My mother is a healer,” Cuan said. “We are still well within the amount of time it can take…”

“I’m going to see what happened with the Earthwalker,” Bay said. He looked down at the mermaid and nodded. “I can clean up the beach.”

“How is she?” Leonie called out. Alaric kept squeezing the bag, but he looked up to see Leonie by the mermaid’s tail, stroking her fluke. “She’s moving…”

“Not breathing on her own yet,” Eldoris said, sounding grim.

The mermaid’s chest suddenly heaved out of sequence with Alaric’s artificial breaths. Her arms flailed, and her eyes fluttered open. Alaric tried to work with her inhalations, but she reached for her throat, eyes going wide and her fluke slapping the surface of the water. Leonie stumbled backward, and Eldoris exclaimed: “There she is!”

“Hold her down, I’m going to extubate her!” Alaric pressed the quick release on the tube clamp, squinting down at her through the frothing water. Eldoris pressed her shoulders down, and he was dimly aware of Leonie and Cuan leaning on her hips and tail. He quickly unthreaded the strap on the tube holder and then retrieved the shears from his pocket. She struggled beneath him, jaw working and her gills and nostrils flaring. Alaric snipped the tube that lead to the cuff. “Fuck! I’m bungling this!”

Before anyone could respond, he forcefully adjusted the tilt of her head, muttered: “I’m sorry!” and pulled the tube out.

He let it float in the water, cradling her head as she writhed, her eyes wide in panic. Eldoris raised his hands. “Let her go!”

She floated just beneath the surface, her eyes meeting Alaric’s. He pressed his hand to his heart and mouthed: Artis has you.

The mermaid suddenly barrel rolled, her arms stretching above her head. She wriggled away from them toward deeper water. Alaric saw her silver fluke above the surface, and then she disappeared. 

“Are you alright?” Cuan asked. 

Alaric heard sputtering and turned. Leonie was sitting down in the water, her chin just above the surface and her hair soaking wet. Alaric let Eldoris clean up the debris left from the extubation and waded over to Leonie. “Did you get knocked down, sea-lin?”

Leonie looked up at him, raking her wet hair out of her eyes. To his surprise, she was smiling, broad and open-mouthed. She laughed and reached up to take his hand.

Alaric, later

Warm and dry now, Alaric and Leonie cuddled together for a nap in his bed. Naked, skin on skin for the first time since he’d seen her again. She’d kissed him, and then they held each other until she fell asleep. Now he ran his fingertips up and down her back, occasionally fingering her soft hair. 

There you are, he thought. This is my Leonie.

The watchfulness he’d felt since her thirtieth birthday eased, and he let himself join her in rest.

[arcanemoody]

Listening to two season 5 era Nygmobblepot playlists I put together that, while very catchy and grounded in a love story I hold dear, are far from joyful. Particularly Ed's which is post-5x11, where he knows he has BIG feelings, but feels clotheslined by his actions in season 3. "That" is not something he can ask for from Oswald, so he's settling for staying in his orbit and keeping the knives out of his back.

i'm getting sentimental over you (tommy dorsey and his orchestra)

you don't know what love is (chet baker)

rehab (amy winehouse)

april fools (rufus wainwright)

don't say nothing bad about my baby (the cookies)

(what can i say) after i say i'm sorry (dinah shore)

telephone (electric light orchestra)

to love somebody (janis joplin)

am i blue (billie holiday)

last dance (donna summer)

they didn't believe me (dinah shore)

i'll call you mine (the zombies)

everything happens to me (chet baker)

i'm not okay (i promise) (robyn adele anderson)

just a gigolo (louis prima)

show me the way to go home (irving king) 

keep yourself alive (queen)

the way you say goodnight (magnetic fields)

[x]

And Oswald’s bridges the end of season 4, when he finds Ed’s dead body and goes through the standard Penguin ‘stages of grief’ in early season 5: try to stop feeling and make the world eat shit. All of which lands him squarely in the middle of the Haven crisis and, shortly after, Pena Dura: staggered by senseless death and how much Ed still doesn’t understand. 

suffragette city (david bowie)

gatsu (guts' theme) (scooby)

glory and gore (lorde)

last nite (the strokes)

new town (the vitamins)

habanera from carmen (georges bizet)

real men (joe jackson)

house without windows (roy orbison)

stay with me (lorraine ellison)

faust (paul williams)

nightclubbing (david bowie)

have mercy on the criminal (elton john)

the way i do (bishop briggs)

stop the world and let me off (patsy cline)

don't look back in anger (scott bradlee's postmodern jukebox feat. maiya sykes)

sally go round the roses (the jaynettes)

i would die 4 u (prince)

prince charming (adam ant)

[x]

Because. As much as I love a renewed accord awakening new passion... I need them both to do a melancholy conga line of raw suffering until someone forces them to talk it out at knifepoint.  

[fookinavocadosman]

episode 1: paradise blues {HS}

It’s the first day of the retreat and y/n is struggling not to pounce on Harry. Secrets are revealed and more secrets are being made. 

warnings: none really. teasing. smut... (maybe)

word count: 2.5k

This morning was a rude awakening.

Literally.

First, Harry decided to tease me awake by using the hand he had on my stomach, letting his fingers play with the tiny bow on my underwear. Then, before I could fully be aware of my surroundings the lights in the bedroom turned on causing, everyone to groan. I bury my head back into the pillow as Harry nuzzles closer to me when a ding is heard throughout the room.

“Good morning. Today is your first full day at the retreat. Enjoy your first day of celibacy.” Lana announces throughout the room and no one makes a move to get up. Harry pushes his hips into mine pulling me closer to him with his arm.

“I don’t want to get up.” He mumbles and I sigh reaching my hand back to thread my fingers through his hair.

“Neither do I.” I mumble back. We all stay in bed before someone actively starts to get ready for the day. I eventually get Harry to let me go and I get ready putting on a black and white bikini before heading out to the pool. I join Niall, Louis, Ava, and Riley in the pool while Sage and Zayn lounge around on the chairs.

“So how are y’all feeling about this retreat so far?” I ask them and most of them respond with shrugs. 

“Upset that I took time off work to do this but it’s whatever nothing I can do now.” Ava says and Riley agrees with her. 

“Who knew that getting chicks would bite me in the ass.” Niall comments and we all laugh.

“God I can’t believe we're getting cockblocked by a fucking cone.” Louis also comments making us laugh even harder. Once everyone settles we begin to talk about our home lives among other things and I begin to observe everyone's behaviors. Niall and Riley seem to be getting close as well as Ava and Louis but I can’t tell what everyone’s motives are towards each other. Eventually, the topic gears back to the retreat when Riley asks a question.

“How much do you guys think the fines are going to be?”

“I think like a peck is going to be $100 and then like a make out would be like $300.” Ava is the first to speak up and I agree with her but Niall shakes his head.

“Knowing that this is supposed to be “rehab” it’s probably worth a good chunk of money. Like a kiss is probably $1000 or something ridiculous.” I shrug my shoulders also agreeing.

“Yeah but let’s hope it’s the first one so we can break the rules more often.” I say and everyone laughs. We stay in the pool for a little more until switching spots with Sage and Zayn. As we relax and dry off in the sun we make small talk about everyone else.

“So if you guys had a free pass to kiss anyone here who would it be? Personally I’d kiss Louis.” Ava asks everyone. Louis says Ava, Riley says Niall, and Niall says Riley to no one’s shock until it’s left to me to answer.

“Uh, probably Harry.” I answer and Ava squeals.

“Oh spill.” She instigates and I roll my eyes flipping onto my stomach.

“I mean we’ve basically been attached at the hip since the moment he arrived and he was pissed yesterday when Zayn kissed me. And he’s fucking fine. Like if this was the actual show I signed up for I’d be fucking him as much as possible.” I explain and Ava and Riley are engrossed while Louis and Niall are having a conversation of their own.

“I get it girl, I’d be jumping Niall if it was under normal circumstances.” Riley supports me while Ava nods.

“Alright I’m going to head out guys I’ll see y’all later.” I tell them waving goodbye to the boys as well as Sage and Zayn. I walk around before finding an empty area with day beds away from everyone. I close my eyes letting myself cool down in the shade until a throat clears. I peek one eye open seeing Harry standing in front of me.

“Is there room for one more?” He asks and I nod moving over so he can fit in. He gets comfortable laying on his back before turning his head to look at me.

“I haven’t seen you since this morning what have you been doing?” He asks me and I shrug.

“I was at the pool with Niall, Louis, Riley, and Ava.” I answer him and he nods.

“How was that?”

“It was good. We just hung out and talked.” I smile as he rolls onto his side to face me his eyes tracing my body up and down. His hand comes to rest on my stomach and I take in a deep breath. He removes his hand from my stomach places it on my hip and rolls me onto my side so we face each other. Our foreheads touch and if I lean any closer we would kiss.

“Careful. We don’t want to break any rules.” I tease him and he smirks letting out a small chuckle.

“You’re right.” He leans back slightly, his hand rubbing up and down my side.

“Lana never said anything about teasing.” Harry says and I shake my head.

“Don’t you even think about it.” I chastise him, bringing my hand up and pausing his movements. A smirk lines his lips as he pulls me into his chest. I sigh as my head rests on his chest hearing his heartbeat. 

His hand rubs up and down my back playing with my hair every couple of passes and I feel peaceful. I eventually move my head up to look at Harry and I see he’s already looking at me. The tension between us is thick. He dips his head down as I crane mine up and we are about to kiss but he pulls away.

“Don’t want to break the rules now do we?” He teases me and I let out a breath shaking my head as he smiles. He gets up from the day bed holding out his hand and I gladly accept it letting him pull me up. We head inside to the bedroom and see Zayn, Liam, Sage, and Kate all sitting on the bed playing with condoms. I stop in my tracks as I stare confused.

“Where the fuck did you guys get condoms?” I ask and they turn toward me before laughing.

“They were in the cabinets!” Sage laughs while Kate starts blowing one up. I make my way towards them grabbing one to open. I blow it up and tie it off before tucking it under my arm.

“Guys meet Dickie.” I announce holding him up and everyone laughs. I put him on the bed Harry and I share as Harry shakes his head at me.

“Am I getting kicked out of bed for a condom balloon?” He asks and I shrug.

“Be good and we’ll see.” I tease him. He rolls his eyes at me as I sit down on the bed letting myself decompress. A while passes when someone new enters the room and I notice it’s Niall.

“Hey, guys Lana wants us to meet in the cabana.” He tells us and we all nod making our way outside. I sit next to Sage as Harry sits next to me resting his hand on my thigh. We all talk as everyone makes their way to the cabana and once everyone is there Lana dings.

“I have news for everyone.” She begins and people start murmuring about what it could possibly be.

“There has been a breach of the rules.” Everyone’s jaws drop and Harry turns his head to look at me. I widen my eyes not knowing what to do and he squeezes my thigh to reassure me.

“Alright fess up who did it?” Kate asks looking around and I shrug my shoulders staying quiet. No one speaks and people start getting upset. I look back at Harry and he sighs.

“Y/N and I kissed last night.” He announces and I drop my head as everyone shoots theirs to look at us.

“Bloody hell.” Liam groans and Sage lightly slaps my shoulder.

“Your rule break has cost the group $3,000. The prize fund now stands at $97,000.” Lana breaks the tension in the room causing everyone’s jaws to drop. I hold my head in my hands as Harry wraps an arm around my shoulder. I feel a head drop onto my shoulder and soon a voice whispers into my ear,

“Was it at least worth it?” Sage asks and I nod my head and I soon feel her pat my back. I get up from the couch muttering a sorry to everyone before heading inside. Why do I feel so guilty? I’m broken out of my thoughts by Harry calling after me making me stop in my tracks. He catches up to me putting his hands on my face tilting my head up.

“Are you okay?” He asks and I shrug my shoulders.

“I don’t know. I feel bad.” I tell him and he slightly pouts his lips.

“Do you regret it?” He finally asks the looming question and I sigh.

“I know I should but I don’t.” I tell him and he stays silent.

“Do you?” I question back and he immediately shakes his head.

“After even knowing everything that happens I would do it all over again.” He tells me and I let out a slight chuckle dropping my head.

“Keep saying things like that and we’re going to lose another 3k.” I mumble and I hear him chuckle.

“Don’t tempt me.” He whispers kissing my forehead. As the night continues Zayn and Sage get sent on a date by Lana and we all watched from the cabana. It seems like it went well considering when they got back to the bedroom they climbed into bed together.

Harry and I make small talk when the lights go off considering neither of us are tired. His hand runs up and down my side under the covers. As we talk every once and a while his fingers will stop to toy with the band of my underwear. 

When my eyes start to droop he turns me over pulling my back to his chest letting his right arm act as a pillow for my head as his left trails down my stomach his fingertips just barely going past the band of my underwear. I take in a slight breath at the action and he lightly sushes me. His fingertips go past the band but that’s as far as he goes, his hand stays there his thumb moving back and forth along the top.

“I’m pretty sure this is against the rules.” I tilt my head as close as I can to his ear and he lets out a light chuckle. He dips his head down so his lips graze my ear making sure the camera can’t see the movement of his lips.

“No one will know as long as you don’t make a fuss.” He whispers back placing a kiss to my ear before returning his head to its original position. His hand then slides down a little more so his fingertips rest just above my clit. It takes everything in me to keep my breathing steady and not buck my hips against his hand. His lips graze my ear again as he leans in closer.

“Now be a good girl and turn your head into the pillow and pretend like you’re falling asleep.” His voice is raspy, the lust too much for him to handle. I nod my head making it look like I’m snuggling my head into the pillow and I feel his chest vibrate as he hums in approval. 

He adjusts his body slightly so he can move my leg so he has more access to me, his head nuzzles against my neck, and I assume he does it to hide any reactions or movements that can be picked up by the camera. His fingers tease me moving up and down but never touching my clit. After a while when it can be presumed, we're both asleep his fingers finally move down connecting with my clit. My breath nearly catches but I keep my breathing steady to not arouse suspicion.

He rubs lightly at first moving his fingers in a figure 8 but soon he applies more pressure and I feel my stomach start to burn. It’s taking every fiber of my being to stay calm and collected. His fingers eventually dip down playing with the wetness leaking out of my entrance and I feel his chest vibrate against me. His fingers lightly move up and down my slit before one is placed at my entrance. 

My core flutters against the tip of his finger and he takes a second before slowly pushing his finger into me. I subtly bite the pillow to keep any noises from coming out of my mouth as his finger fills me. He slowly moves his finger in and out, caressing my g-spot with every movement. I feel the tingle in my stomach and my hand under the covers grasps his wrist lightly and he stops his movements.

“Do you want me to stop baby?” He asks, voice muffled by the pillow. My voice is low and muffled as I respond. 

“I need more.” His hand moves so two fingers are now positioned at my entrance. As he pushes both in, a slight moan escapes me making him stop his movements.

“Shh baby.” He whispers, and he begins his movements again going slower. His fingers fill me perfectly. Thick and long hitting all the right spots. His fingers thrust in and out of me and I bite my lip muffling any sounds.

“Such a good girl for me.” His thrusts remain consistent until he curls his finger hitting my g-spot. I nearly scream as he continues hitting the sensitive spot, my thighs trying to close around his hand but failing because of the way he’s positioned me. My breathing begins to pick up and I can feel my body overheat. The coil in my abdomen tightens, my core tightening around Harry’s fingers.

“I’m gonna cum.” I whisper into the pillow and Harry’s movements pick up slightly. I push my head down into the pillow in an effort to muffle the noises that slip out of my throat. The coil breaks and my breath catches as the pleasure rushes through my body. His fingers work me through the high and I feel his lips pucker against my neck. 

When I come down I pull on his wrist and he stops his movements cupping my heat. He pulls his hand away slipping his fingers through the wetness now covering my panties as his hand comes to rest on my mound. I regain control of my breathing as he rubs his thumb along my stomach. He lets out a long breath pulling me closer to him and I can feel how hard he is against me. I bring my hand back palming him but he pulls it away.

“I’m fine, now go to sleep.” He whispers. I relax against his hold and let the rise and fall of his chest and the beat of his heart lull me to sleep. 

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