#BFF!Bill headcanon

[figureofdismay]

interesting that bill scully is probably about the amount older than scully that mulder was from samantha.... interesting, interesting in an interlocking puzzle pieces kind of way

[adissonsss]

Tom x teen daughter reader! He was like in his teenage dirtbag phase when he had her (yeah yk the one) and her mom left so now it’s just them and they’re bffs?? Thank youu

PT1: Tom Kaulitz X Teen Daughter!Reader

Notes; This is my first request! Tysm anon!!

•My life has been so hetic and busy, I lost EVERY thing in my camera roll from like july 2023-now(not a single TH pic+vid), my home life has been super busy, but I returned to writing ASAP.

•I wasn't so sure about if you wanted headcanons or a fic or wtv, so I decided to do headcanons

•Enjoy, much love!💜💜

•First off, he loves you like he loves Bill. Even more, ngl. He cherishes you, adores you, spoils you, and overall just loves you.

^He will NOT tolerate you being bratty or not saying thanks, not being grateful. He wants you to know the importance of gratefulness.

•He loves buying you stuff. Any treat, stuffed animal, new soda, cd, movie tickets, concert tickets, if you play a sport or instrument any fancy and upgraded equipment, all that and more.

•Obviously, your mom is not in the picture. Tom takes care of you more than a mom could ever. He wants to help you with anything, so he researches about periods, anything that could make you sad or angry, stuff like that.

•When you were younger, if you were ever backstage during songs/on tours, you would be in a couple of TH TV episodes! The camera man would be polite and asking you cute questions

^"What do you wanna be when you grow up?"

^Stuff like that, and most fans and interviewers love you!

•Y'all know that lion cub interview w/ Bill & Tom? Let's say you were like four(???), and you got to meet a lion cub. Tom would slowly let you walk towards the lion cub, and the cub would sniff around you and lick your face. The camera man is filming this and it's totally becoming a TH TV episode.

•He would be the cause of a couple of cavities... He wouldn't let anything or anyone make you sad or angry, he is protective and can get angry when it comes to you.

•As long as your happy and not hurting yourself, he doesn't mind what you do with your looks, fashion, hair, career, etc.

•He loves dressing you up in his clothes, seeing his baggy jeans swallow your legs, and his headband+hat cover your forehead+eyes.

•If you wanted to get matching clothes, piercings, tattoos, sweatshirts, whatever, he's SO down for it!!

•(Let's say this is the 2023 era) You get along w/ Heidi & Heidi's kids so well! Having Heidi as a step-mom is so relieving. Yes, you have Tom+TH, but you can't always talk to them about periods, hair problems, how awful it (sometimes) is being a girl.

•Again with the spoiling. Tom will buy you anything. A country? It's yours. The sun? Cha-ching. An extremely expensive car? If you can drive, here's the keys.

•He will listen to your opinons and views, if you ever wanted to help him on a song, he is all for it!!

•When he had the dreads, you accidentally chewed on a couple😭

•If you ever get a significant other, he is going to make sure they're the right one, and won't let you get hurt by them.

•He splashes you w/ water at the beach

•He had to raise you practically on his own, so he expects y'all to be close. He had to bathe you, feed you, keep you happy, and he honestly puts you before himself.

•When you were younger, he stayed up all night waiting for you to get up and protecting you if someone wanted to come in and try something.

---

Taglist;

@ilovebill-and-gustav

@spx-der

[trashlama]

Hi would it be alright if I ask what wips are you working on ?

just wanna make sure I don’t in a request that someone else already sent in XD

hope your doing ok :)

Thank you for your concern! My carpal tunnel has been approving somewhat these last few weeks! Hopefully I'll be able to find some free time this weekend while I'm off to knock down some of this list.

Also if you do happen to send in an idea similar to someone else's; don't worry too much about it because I don't mind, I like the challenge~ Duplicates give me the opportunity to try out different ideas that I may have for a single plot/theme.

Btw sorry about not really posting anything these last few weeks... I kinda forgot to pay my wifi bill so I didn't really have internet for awhile until I got paid again... Anyways—

Here we are!

P.S. I might add more later on.

WIPS LIST

ROTTMNT

Future Yandere Turtle Series: Leo, Donnie Raph, Mikey

Another future Yan Donatello x Reader short fic I got planned

ROTTMNT Yandere Adults Series: Draxum, Big Mama, Lou Jitsu/Splinter

Yan Raph x Reader Zombie AU

Yan ROTTMNT Spiderverse AU! x Reader headcanons/drabble

Yan ROTTMNT x Spiderverse Reader headcanons/drabbles

Yan Donatello x Reader Jack the Ripper AU!

Fluffy Yan Platonic Future Leon/Preteen reader

Witch Reader x Yan Post movie Mikey

Time Mistress Reader x Yan Post movie Leo

Yan Leo x mutated rabbit S/o

Platonic Yan Hamato Clan x Reader

Yan Leo x Chubby s/o

Yan Donatello x Trans Woman s/o

Yan Future Mikey x stubborn Reader

Yan TMNT 2k12 vs Yan ROTTMNT x Reader

Platonic Yan Jealous Older Brother Donatello with Little sibling Reader

Yan Raph vs Donnie x Salamander!Mutant!Reader

Self-Aware Yan Mad Dogs x Real World Reader

TMNT 2k3

Yan Turtle's reactions to s/o being mutated in front of them

TMNT 2k12

Song req (Random Turtle) x Reader

Yan Mikey x Human Bff Headcanons

Yan TMNT 2K12 vs Yan ROTTMNT x Reader Headcanons

Raph Vs Leo x Purple Dragon Thief Reader

Yan Casey Vs Yan Donnie Vs Yan Mikey x April's friend Reader

LMK

Yan Not the Mayor x Tang apprentice Reader

Yan MK x Ex-possed LBD Reader

Fluffy Red Son x Reader sketches

Yan Red Son x Macaque's assistant Reader x Yan Mei

Yan Macaque x Reader chase scene

Yan Platonic Azure Lion vs Sun Wukong x Reader

Yan Spider Queen/Spider Gang x Moth Demon reader

HTTYD

Yan Snotlout x Gobber's apprentice Reader x Yan Eret

Yan Snotlout vs Yan Eret x Reader

Yan Snotlout x Dragon Rider Reader

Fluffy Yan Snotlout x Dragon Rider Reader

Yan Hiccup x isekaied Reader

Yan Hiccup x Dragon Rider Reader

Yan Hiccup x Reader

Yan Hiccup x Reader who is scared of dragons

Yan Hiccup x fellow Night fury rider Reader

Yan Hybrid Toothless x Viking Reader

Yan Hybrid Toothless x Hybrid Night Fury Reader

Dead by Daylight

Leon Vs Steve x Survivor Reader

Villianous

Yan Dr Flug x Reader headcanons

Unicorn: Warriors Eternal

Yan Winston vs Yan Edred x Reader

Yan Winston x Reader

Yan Edred x Reader

Record of Ragnarok

Shy/Meek Reader x Yan Buddha

Spiderverse ATSV and ITSV

Yan Miguel O'Hara x Dimension Jumper reader

Yan Miguel O'Hara x Reader headcanons

Addiction: Yan Miguel O'Hara x Reader fic

Yan Peter B Parker x Reader headcanons

Fluffy Peter B Parker x Reader headcanons

Yan Peter B Parker x Single Mom reader headcanons

Fluffy Yan Platonic Miguel O'Hara and Platonic Yan Jessica Drew wirh Homeless Teen Reader

Yan Miles Morales x Venom!Reader

[vixxensvoid]

OK I DONT READ MUCH FANFICS BUT WHAT THE HELL

The lack of community fanfics is ASTOUNDING LIKE THIS SHOULD BE A HATE CRIME. Actually, I’m pretty sure by Abed and Jeff’s standards this IS a hate crime. Let me tell you why… as if it isn’t obvious enough:

first and foremost, Abed: BRO. Do I even have to say? 😭 like be so fr he started “we’re in a show” and “six seasons and a movie” … and fanfics 😍🥱 this man would be reading them with Troy and “this is creating an alternate timeline”, “cool cool cool”, “wow this is the best media I’ve ever consumed”, etc. Typical Abed things <3333

Supportive bff Troy: THIS MAN LOVES ANYTHING ABED LOVES 😭💀 plus he would think it’s so cool “awesome! Look Abed, someone wrote a story (bless his heart) about me >_< ! ^_^ !!! <3” they would def read these in their blanket/pillow forts when their tv goes out cuz they didn’t pay the bill (although Annie would never let that happen)

Jeff: HIS EGO? Hello??? This man would eat that shit up and read them first thing in the morning and last thing at night. You can’t tell me otherwise. And whenever he feels bad about himself he remembers that people write about him 💀 cuz y’all remember when he pretended to be 400 pounds just to see if someone would still love him? Come onnnn now

Annie: IDC WHAT ANYONE SAYS SHE IS DEFINITELY A “Y/N” or “x reader” girly 😭🥱 IDC WHAT ANYONE SAYS (yes, I repeated it). IK DAMN WELL IN THE RUFFLES EPISODE SHE WASNT UP AT 2AM CUZ OF HOMEWORK. SHE STANDS ON BUSINESS 🤨 SHE FINISHES HER HW AFTER CLASS OR SMTH. SHE WAS READING FANFICS UNTIL 1AM AND CHOSE TO ORGANIZE HER LISTS 🥱🤫 she would blush sm if she read ffs abt herself 💀

Britta my babygirl: people always hating on my wife fr so when she sees fanfics, two reactions depending on what type they are

if it’s normal ffs and fluff/crack she will love it and laugh, feel appreciated “see guys! TOLD YOU I HAVE FANS!!” I love you britta 💔 and… smut 😭💀 GIRL SHE WOULD BE LIKE “THIS IS NOT FEMINIST!!! PORN PORTRAYS WOMEN-“ and a huge rant but tbh I’m with her on that 😍💋

the Dean: 💀💀💀💀💀 YALL HE CANONICALLY WRITES FANFICS. COME ON. 😭😭😭 IM CRYING. HE WRITES JEFF X DEAN FANFICS AND WE KNOW IT. HE WOULD MAKE A TUMBLR AND AO3 ACC UNDER A DUMB NAME LIKE “Jeffs_littleDalmatian” 💀 or smth like that AND HE WRITES THAT WEIRD DALMATIAN SHIT YALL I CANT 😢 worried for him fr. OH AND HE PRETENDS TO NOT BE THE DEAN, thinking he’s so smart “it’s just my sister!!!”, “it’s just a fan!!! I think people at school are shipping us Jeffrey 😏”. AND he would 100% send Jeff fanfics that HE wrote 💀😭 but ofc Jeff knows his writing style… aka delusional

I could go on and on but y’all get the point. WHERE THE HELL IS THIS SHIT??? THEY WOULD BE SO DISAPPOINTED IN US 💔 especially Abed 💔

Anyways I have more to add and I have many community dreams… I’m thinking I should just start making them into crack fics atp. Would anyone wanna read my dumbass crack dream fics of them? ⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️

Leave some asks abt ur dreams too cuz I wanna know so badddd, I love weird community headcanons + dreams. The highlight of my days fr

[gamerwoo]

i totally forgot aya and bang chan were roommates and now i feel like i need aya x chan content

my favorite pair of besties tbh <3

(i'm gonna do this in headcanon form i think and just kinda talk about them as roomies)

Chan moved with his parents to SK when he was in high school, and he also shifted in high school

enter Aya who he feels like he owes his life to lmao

he was panicking because he had no idea what was happening to him and he suddenly turned into this giant fucking dog and he couldn't change back

yeah his parents were cool but would they be cool with their song being a large animal and busting down their front door? probably not

so he's panicking in the woods and Aya's the one to find him

right off the bat, she could sense he was meant to be an alpha

not her alpha, but an alpha

she helped him calm down, drove him home, and gave him her number if he needed anything

and thus their friendship began

you might be wondering how Aeri never knew they were friends when she was bffs with Aya and also childhood besties with Chan

well Aya never really talked about him much since y'know he was a werewolf

also Chan’s a very common name so y’know

anyway, Aya was an upperclassman so she moved out first and moved into a really shitty one-bedroom that was cheap as fuck but kind of terrifying

but she's a werewolf so she can take care of herself

Chan spent a lot of nights at Aya's apartment on an air mattress

they were best friends and did everything together

she even got him a job working at the bar with her, so they literally did everything together

she was the one who helped him apply for college

he asked her to be his prom date 

honestly Chan’s parents were so confused how Aya wasn’t his mate lmao

when it came time for Chan to graduate high school, his parents decide to move back to Australia, but Chan wants to stay in Korea for college

so Aya lets him live with her despite only having one fucking bedroom

Chan never minded sleeping on an air mattress

she was the one who taught him about the ✨wonderous world of being an adult✨

which was a lot of learning how to pay bills and save money, which sucked

Aya was there when Chan started to find his pack (which started with Changbin, who she was very confused about at first)

"Are you sure this dude's telling the truth? There's no way a man who does aegyo that much is wanted by a mafia."

when everyone else either found Chan or vise versa, Aya lowkey judged all of them

when she first met Minho, she took one look at him and said, “I already know I’ll hate you”

they very much have a frienemies relationship <3

she basically banned Minho from the apartment, so when she moved out, he didn’t skip a beat moving in lmao

Aya always liked Felix so she was excited when he shifted

she won’t admit it but she’s slightly intimidated by Hyunjin because nobody knows anything about him

Jisung was afraid of her and she knows it and thinks it’s kinda funny

she loves Seungmin’s attitude, and they tended to gang up on Chan together

she only briefly met Jeongin before she moved out so she never really got to make an opinion on him

Chan was there when Aya met Jeonghan and had to listen to her gush about him nonstop

"How are you meant to be with someone who can't even managed to do his own homework?"

honestly, even Changbin was stumped by that one considering Aya was always a straight-A student

when Aya moved out to live with Jeonghan and his pack, the pair were obviously sad to part ways

they both may or may not have cried

Chan tried to play it off and make a stupid “who’s cutting onions in here” joke as he wiped under his eyes as they pulled out of their hug before she had to leave

and Aya just looked up and started crying harder and pulled him in for another hug

so then Chan cried harder and it was a whole thing

“I don’t know why I’m crying,” she laughed when they pulled away for a second time. “It’s not like you’re dying.”

“Yeah, I’ll see you at work tomorrow. And I’m only an hour-ish away. Door’s always open.”

“Well keep it shut if Minho’s in there.”

they don’t work together anymore but they still text each other all the time

Aya’s always caught up on the drama going on in the pack (and of course she tells Jeonghan, who blabs about it to everyone else)

she’s obviously still close with Aeri, though, but she’s fantastic at keeping any secrets from the other

like if Chan tells her about any surprises he has planned, Aya will never tell her

Aya and Chan are ride or dies tbh

[freezeriafan]

Also I'm not the biggest Allan fan but you my good sir/maam/monarch have endeared me to him so. Allan headcanons?

You literally cant ask me that ... I've been posting since november 2019 you cant just ask me that ...

Well. I'll keep it rich and brief

- he thinks that vaccines are bad (because someone told him so once), prompting you to then say "Dont.. dont you get the flu shot every year?" to which he replies "well YEAH cause I dont wanna get SICK." This is because he is a goofy funny loveable man

- He is very kind and generally open-minded (when he remembers to be) and pretty gregarious and DEFINITELY optimistic. And he respects deeply the importance of being authentic. 

- He’s good with having friends he sees frequently and having friends that he hasnt seen in years and the time gap doesnt alter the relationship in any way .. He doesnt feel like he’s losing friends when it’s been a while. Which is good because he has many friends in many odd places. He’s got connections. He knows people

- Yes he uses 50s greaser slang. Yes Akari has picked up some choice phrases from him that she uses better (negative perspiration baby....).

- Yes he knows things about cars.

- He’s at this point in his life where he has romance woes. It was fun being passed around / passing everyone around but, when he gets to be pushing 30 he starts to think, maybe i should settle down with a life partner and have a family...? But truth be told he’s not yet ready for either of those things. When he is ready he needs to end up with Lisa I think (she has romance troubles to mirror his in that people keep leaving, in fact he aggravated that himself by never fully committing to their budding romance, even almost severing their lovely friendship in his anxiety) (it’s in their natal charts it’s just the way that their lives are)

- His full name is Allan Alan Allen. None of his bullies ever touched on this

- Really he got bullied because in the 6th grade he developed a C R I P P L I N G obsession with the musical GREASE. Oh it was bad man. He still likes it even but now he can appreciate it as a work of art and of the times rather than just, like, guys in blue jeans dancing on cars

- He has no siblings. 

- He plays hockey like a god but outside of the rink he’s like ... kind of clumsy and .. he cant tolerate the din of busy places. He only goes to the Fluffmart between the hours of 12 - 2 am and Sue hates him

- Sometimes he can’t tell Roy and Joy apart. He has no good excuse for this

- Lisa is his BFF and Robby is his intermittent roommate and Akari is his bro and Taylor used to be his roommate and Allan is convinced that he has an older-brother relationship with Taylor but Taylor doesnt feel that way and sort of thinks that Allan is overberaring and annoying and he doesnt know why he sends him a birthday card in the mail every year. And Allan knows everyone else too because he’s a social butterfly that way. He is the Only Person In Roy’s Life who has been Consistently Present and Nice to him

- His coat .. all the pockets .. it’s like a catacomb .... he has mini toothpaste and floss and breath strips that he eats like gum .... he really likes Mentos ...  but he’s not a fan of mint in any other contexts .... he just has so much shit in his coat tho ... he pulls dollar bills out of one pocket and coins out of another and shillings out of yet another ....he’s like a magician 

- And so much more...

Thanks for playing...!

[lihikainanea]

The waxing incident.

This one goes out to the nani who put this idea in my head, after my own rather vigorous waxing session today. The idea was just too precious, too hilarious, and ALL TOO RELATABLE FOR ME.

And come on, you just know that after Bill spanked the hell out of her for her little stunt--you know that soft bastard did her so good and then kind of held onto her at the end when she could barely breathe, and just made sure she knew that she didn’t have to do all of this for him. Didn’t have to put herself through pain for him--he’ll take her any damn way he can get. Hair, no hair, some hair--who the fuck cares. He’s DTF always, when it comes to her.

Enjoy babies, and I hope it gives you a laugh xo

***

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

You knew your pain tolerance was high, and all the times you had gotten this done before, the cosmetologist had made it seem so simple. You both would chat about your day, she would tell you all the details of her latest vacation or her latest fling as she methodically applied the hot wax, then the strip, then would tear it off as you twitched and let go a muffled whimper while she didn’t even stutter. 

It seemed pretty straight forward, logical. Heat the wax, apply the strip, then 1-2-3—rip it off.

You were wrong. Devastatingly, horribly wrong.

Bill had been away on a press junket for a few weeks and was due back this afternoon. With his impending return and a beachside vacation coming soon, you didn’t want the hassle of shaving (you always nicked yourself anyway) and Bill always seemed extra enthusiastic when you were freshly waxed. But when you had phoned your aesthetician for an appointment, you were informed that she was away for the next two weeks and nobody else had an availability—so you decided to take matters into your own hands.

You bought the wax, bought the strips. Even bought a little container of lotion that would help take the stick off after, some baby powder too, and you watched a few YouTube videos just for confidence. When you felt you had it right you heated up the wax, cut the strips to the proper length, and got settled on the edge of the bathtub. To be efficient about the process, you smeared some of the hot wax onto a few strips and laid them out so you could just stick and rip a lot quicker.

Shimmying out of your bottoms, you sat on the edge of the bathtub and boosted a leg up on the toilet seat. To test it out once more, you stuck a strip globbed with wax to your shin, smoothed it down like how you had seen on the video, counted to three and then yanked it upwards. A slight wince, slapping your hand down on the area to help ease the sting, but other than that—nothing to it. You briefly wondered why you ever bothered paying a professional a small fortune every 6 weeks or so to do this for you.

Grabbing another strip, you pushed your legs further apart and applied it right to the crease of your thigh, sticking some of it to your outer lips,  pulling the skin taut and rubbing your hand over it to make sure the wax stuck. You gave it a moment to harden, picking at a corner so you could grab and pull easily.

Exhaling a deep breath, you counted to 3 and on the last one you grabbed the corner and pulled hard.

“Fuck,” you yelled, whimpering and slapping your hand to the area. The paper barely moved a millimetre, but you were seeing stars—there was too much wax on the strip that you let harden for too long, and now it was a solid glob on your most sensitive area. Whining, you grabbed hold of the small corner again, spreading your legs wider and really pulling the skin on your thigh taut. You gave the strip an experimental tug, just a small one as you bit your lip—and you cried out in pain when you felt it just barely move. You were sure you were ripping your own skin off.

Panicked, you fumbled and grabbed for the bottle of baby powder—powder made things less sticky. The aesthetician always sprinkled baby powder all over you whenever she was done, to help get some of the remaining wax off. Shaking the bottle wildly over your lower half in a giant puff of cloudy powder, you choked as you frantically rubbed it all around the strip and tried to get some underneath. Closing your eyes and lying down in the bathtub with a leg propped up, you took a deep breath and tried again.

“Jesus Christ,”  you cussed loudly, and this time the strip didn’t move at all. Letting go a loud wail, you plunked your head back in the bathtub and wondered how you would explain to Bill that from now on, your sex life would have to include the long strip of cloth clumped in wax, right in the inner crease of your thigh. It was the area he loved to kiss, to run his scratchy stubble over and watch you squirm, The area he loved to gently trail his fingertips over before moving them where you really wanted.

And now, he would never be able to do that again. Because even if you ever got the strip off—which didn’t seem likely, ever—you were pretty sure you’d have no skin left in that area for him to lick and kiss.

As if on cue, your front door unlocked and you heard two heavy bags fall to the floor.

“Honey, I’m home!” Bill called, closing the door and locking it behind him. He looked around confused, usually you were in the hallway bounding towards him as soon as he got back.

“Tiger?” He called out.

Scrubbing a hand down your face, you resigned yourself to your fate. You needed his help. He would never let you live it down, but you needed his help.

“Heyyyyy buddy,” you dragged out awkwardly as you heard his heavy steps looking for you, “I’m in the bathroom. Can you come help me out for a sec?”

His steps paused, and he stayed silent for just long enough to make it weird.

“Uh, I’m good,” he stuttered after a long beat, “I’ll just wait for you out here kid.”

You heard the confusion in his voice and you rolled your eyes.

“Yeah, about that,” you said, “I need your help, bud.”

“Oh, uh….okay.”

You sighed heavily, and after another few seconds you heard a tentative knock on the door. You stayed in the bathtub, rolling your eyes.

“Bill I just told you to come in.”

The door eased open just a crack, and he stuck half of his head through it. You bit back your sarcastic comment when you saw he had his hand covering his eyes.

“Everything okay in here?” He asked.

“Peachy. Get your ass in here, please.”

Every bit reluctant, he took a tentative step in and swung the door fully open. He peeked through his fingers.

“I have a bit of a situation here,” you gestured vaguely to your naked lower half, your leg still propped up on the edge of the tub. Bill slowly made his way over,  dropping his hand and looking down at you as confusion took over his features.

“I tried to uh, wax….myself,” you explained before he could ask, “And it didn’t work. I can’t pull the strip off.”

He barely contained the chuckle, contorting his features as he tried and failed to restrain it. A snort escaped as he clapped his hand over his mouth, rolling his lips inward.

“Hey fuckhead,” you leaned and pinched his thigh as he squealed, “Have some sympathy. I was doing this to try and look nice for you.”

His hand dropped and just a smile remained as his gaze swept over you.

“But kid you’ve…you’ve done this before. Haven’t you? You’re always all smooth and shit,” he asked.

“No, I’ve gotten this done before. Professionally. This is the first time I tried to do it myself,” you grumbled. He smirked at you, crouching down and resting his forearms on his knees.

“What did you learn?” He mocked.

“Ugh,” you shoved at him and he stumbled back, landing on his behind, “I learned that I can’t depend on you for help without making fun of me when I’m in dire straits.”

He chuckled, rising back up and swatting at your hands as you tried to push him again.

“Easy, kid. You know I have to bust your ass just a little bit about this.”

“Bill this hurts,” you pouted, “I am literally trying to rip out my hair with burning hot wax so I can be ‘all smooth and shit’ for you. You can either help, or die horny.”

“Alright alright, hang on. First of all,” he gently grabbed your face, leaning in to press his lips to yours in a slow kiss. He let it linger, sucking your bottom lip into his mouth and flicking his tongue over it before he pulled away slowly.

“First of all, hi. I missed you,” he whispered, kissing your nose.

“I missed you too,” you mumbled, craning your neck for another kiss that he indulged you with.

“Second of all,” he continued, “How does this work, exactly? What do I need to do?”

Your pushed your legs farther apart, scooting down a bit more in the tub.

“You need to grab the strip here, and pull it off this way,” you showed him, “I can’t do it. Every time I try, my hand just won’t do it.”

“But won’t that hurt?”

You glared at him.

“Right, of course it’ll hurt,” he mumbled, stealing another quick kiss, “Get on up here, it’ll be easier for the angle.’”

He helped you maneuver until you were back sitting on the edge of the tub and you propped a bent leg up on him, your foot flat on his chest. Putting a big hand on your thigh, he reached between your legs to grab the corner of the strip. He moved his fingers, ensuring his grip on it was good and tight, adjusting his hand on your thigh to press down and pull the skin more taut.

“Bill,” you grabbed his forearm, your eyes wild and pleading, “You need to do it fast. Just fucking rip it, okay? Grab it and rip. I’m going to scream, but it’ll be fine.”

He nodded in understanding.

“Okay, on the count of three kid. One, two…” and then he pulled suddenly, yanking the strip up and away as you howled. You kicked your legs in agony, the one on his chest sending him flying into the opposite wall as you tumble into to bathtub. You shrieked, slapping your hand down onto the area while you writhed to try and absorb some of the pain as it washed over you in waves.

“Fuck,” you yelled, a long string of curse words following. When you finally regained the ability to speak a few seconds later, you glared at him in shock and betrayal.

“You said three!” You shrieked.

“I thought it would be better on two!” He mimicked your shrill tone, his back still pressed into the far wall and the strip—the strip containing seemingly millions of your hair follicles—still clutched in his hand.

“It wasn’t better on two Bill,” you continued to yell, standing up from the bathtub, “I needed to brace, you fuckhead.”

“Tiger why do you need to brace?” He was yelling now too, “I’ve seen you pop your dislocated shoulder back into place by yourself.”

“This,” he motioned wildly to the strip in his hand, and when he realized he was still holding it he shook his hand violently but it was now stuck to his fingers, “This is just hair!”

Your eyes narrowed at him as he continued to flail, trying to unstick the hair-covered wad of wax from his hand.

“Just hair?” You asked in a low, threatening tone, “Oh it’s just hair, is it big bird?”

And before he could react you grabbed one of the other strips you had prepared, lifted his shirt and slapped it onto his happy trail. As soon as it hit his skin it was already too late, but you rubbed your hand hard over it just to make sure it was nice and stuck.

“Tiger, I swear to god,” he threatened lowly.

“Come on baby,” you purred, resting your chin on his chest as you looked up at him.

“This is warfare and you know it,” he accused, “Don’t even fucking think about touching that strip.”

You just smiled a slow, Cheshire grin.

“You ready, baby?” Your fingers slowly made their way to the corner of the strip, grabbing hold of it. Bill’s eyes hardened and he leaned in closer.

“I fucking dare you, kid,” he growled menacingly in challenge, “I fucking double dog dare you to pu—”

His sentence was cut off in favour of a shriek as you smiled deviously and yanked the strip from his stomach. A string of Swedish curse words followed with exuberance as he bit into his fist,  slamming his other one into the wall beside him.

You smirked, raising up the strip that now held nearly all the hair of his happy trail. You held it in front of his face, contorting your features into mock sadness.

“What’s the matter baby?” Your voice dripped with sarcasm, “It’s just hair.”

He raised his eyes to you, narrowing them and glaring at you with such a force that you nearly shrank down.

“You get...” He paused, maintaining eye contact with you as he twisted his head and loudly cracked his neck, “You get a three second head start, kid.”

Then he bent at the waist to be eye level with you, resting his hands on his knees as he leaned his face in close to yours.

“Run, little one,” he growled.

You squealed, taking off past him and running to try and find a hiding spot before he could nab you. Within seconds you heard his heavy steps as he scoured your apartment, throwing back curtains and whipping open closet doors as he searched for you. You shrank down smaller in the corner of your bedroom closet.

“You can run but you can’t hide, tiger,” he yelled, “And I’m about to make sure that you can’t sit for a fucking week, too.”

[mean-scarlet-deceiver]

Oh, so there is one other “totally underappreciated aspect of Edward that I love (and omitted from my favorites post)”: 

Contrary to, like... every episode from a non-RWS-based season that I’ve yet seen... book!Edward is really, really, perfectly, 100% confident. 

I mean, he struggles with others doubting him (especially, you know, Railway Official types, because they have the power to make those decisions, so all he can do is sigh and mope, when they sideline him). 

But he believes in his own abilities sometimes to the point of delusion and it’s another thing that is major 💙 eyes so far as I’m concerned. 

100% believing that he could bank Gordon’s goods train was one thing. (He is actually no better designed for banking duties that Gordon is for slow freight but ap-par-ent-ly that only stops one of them.) 

But also? In the ‘tunnel’ wrap-up he totally thought he was gonna move that express rake on his own? And I love him for it. While at the same time I’m on Gordon’s side there. That level of self-delusion deserved a call-out! 

“We’ll catch him! We’ll catch him!” Ohhhh... will you, now? Okay, so he was right, but, excuse me. Eddie. Goddamn. That was insanity. And when I do back-of-the-envelope calculations on exactly how fast you had to move to catch up with James by Kellsthorpe Road, I sort of... black out. That was some bullshit. ‘The sensible one,’ my arse. ‘Insecure’ - pfffffttt. He didn’t say “Okay, going to do my best!” He promised to catch him, and did, and I Just Can’t Even with this level of confidence. 

Between Gordon, Edward, and Oliver, I’ve decided all engines built for high-speed passenger work are low-key insane by design and that this trait never quite goes away. 

Bonus: The one time I’ve heard RWS Edward express qualifications and doubts about what he’s about to do is the “Exploit.” Which is an extra ratcheting-up of the suspense and ‘battered’-ness. Will you get these people home? is not met by that characteristic eager and determined exclamation point. All Edward has left in him is ... I’ll try, sir. Which, once I’d absorbed what normal Edward is like (‘of course!! let’s do this!!!’) is just... that little extra bit of heartbreak. He never really acted ‘old’ until that moment. 

[peonycats]

Hello, I got a question that might peak your interest. Do you have Headcanons about the Ainu people of Japan?

not many, but here's some! (@aphasiaweek for Day 9 Japan bashing)

bffs with Miss Ryukyu Islands and friends with Miss Sápmi

had a (series of) pet bear(s) back in the day

used to have a beard

Manages to even out "old-man" Japan

Very tired

Doesn't really like Russia

Used to not like Mongolia but it's been 500 years so they're like ok now

and have Miss Ryukyu/Okinawa and Ainu banging out some tunes! Ryukyu is playing a sanshin, and Ainu is playing a tonkori, both instruments played among their respective culture~

Historical Footnotes:

// discussions of genocide and culture suppression

The Ryukyuan Kingdom, existing from 1429 to 1879, was a tributary state of China and played an important role in maritime trade between East Asia and Southeast Asia. It became a vassal of Japan in 1609, but remained technically independent until 1872, when it became the Okinawa prefecture. Ryukyuan culture was suppressed under Japanese rule, and to this day, the people of Okinawa fight against the concentration of US military bases in their lands and for the preservation of their native culture and language.

The Ryukyuan equivalent to the kimono is the ryusou, which Miss Ryukyu/Okinawa is wearing here. It's not nearly as complicated in components, and its fit is much looser. In a Japanese kimono, the obi is always tied in the back, while it can be tied with a bow in the front for ryusou. It's commonly dyed using the bingata technique!

Bingata is an dyeing technique unique to the Ryukyuan islands. It's well known for its vibrant colors and elaborate designs, and is applied to the cloth through a pattern stencil.

The Ainu are the indigenous people of Hokkaido, Sakhalin, and Kuril Islands. Following the Sengoku period, the Ainu slowly became more and more dependent on Japan and Japanese goods, despite many rebellions against this Japanese domination. In 1806, fearing that Russia would attempt to spread its influence to its northern lands, Japan took direct control of Hokkaido and began to assimilate the Ainu into mainstream Japanese society. Ainu men were forced into servitude and only fed and clothed if they gave up their language and culture, and Ainu women were forcibly married to Japanese men; many Ainu cultural practices were also banned under Imperial Japan. This greatly reduced the Ainu's numbers, and unlike the Ryukyuans, the Ainu today are a minority in Hokkaido, and many Japanese remain unaware of their Ainu heritage. Ainu continue to suffer from lower economic prosperity compared to their Yamato Japanese counterparts, even to this day.

Toward the end of the 20th century, Ainu activism and revitalization movements began to rise in prominence, and a number of legal reforms protecting Ainu culture have been passed in the following years. In 2008, the Japanese government officially recognized them as a minority, and in 2019, a bill was passed recognizing them officially as the indigenous people of Japan.

Mister Ainu is wearing an attus, which is a coat-like garment. It's made from the fibers of an elm tree native to Hokkaido. The process of extracting fibers and processing them for fabric use is quite time consuming! Typically, ceremonial attus were decorated with elaborate geometric patterns and applique. It was thought that the embroidered patterns could protect from evil.

In the first picture, Mister Ainu is wearing a sapanupe, a traditional crown made from grape vines, wood shavings, and carvings of sacred animals. They were worn for important occasions but also helped keep men's hair tidy.

On the Mongolia note: In the 1200s, the Ainu expanded into the island of Sakhalin, putting them into conflict with the Nivk people, who had submitted to the Yuan dynasty. The Sakhalin Ainu fought the combined forces of the Yuan Dynasty for 40 years, but eventually surrendered and became tributaries of the Khan.

On the Sápmi note: Since 2011, the Ainu have done cultural exchange and cooperation with the Sámi. Both the Sami and Ainu participate in the organization for Arctic Indigenous people.

Tonkori: A plucked string instrument played by the Ainu and generally has five strings.

Sanshin: An instrument unique to the Okinawan and Amami islands; it has three strings and has a snakeskin covered body. It's believed that it was influenced by the Chinese sanxian, as the Ryukyuan kingdom held very close ties to Imperial China. When the sanshin reached mainland Japan, it evolved into the larger shamisen.

YES I KNOW JAPAN'S KIMONO FOLD IS ON THE WRONG SIDE the reference i was using for him had the kimono fold on the wrong side but i figured since the left over right fold was only used for corpses it was appropriate since clearly this is japan 5 seconds before disaster strikes

[spikedru]

obviously, spike for the character ask

of course

favorite thing about them hes funnyyyyyy hes so fucking funny god also just the aesthetic of the punk vampire is one of my favorite types of vampire and hes so sensitive and cares and hhhhhhhhhh he just hits

least favorite thing about them i guess like. just the casual misogyny thats baked into all the male characters is like. long suffering sigh. annoying

favorite line i think his whole drunken monologue to willow in lovers walk is one of my top favorite scenes in the whole show its so fucking funny

brOTP spike and dawn i love it when children make fun of adults and are Correct about it and spike and anya bc they rly should have been better friends like vaguely reformed demon people who both fall for a goofy little human ? they r both brutally honest i want them to be BFFs so bad.

OTP spuffy n sprusilla kinda in equal measure i love my freak couples

nOTP spander im sorry but i do Not understand the appeal

random headcanon he sucks shit at math like i was watching the i in team the other night and when giles gives him 300$ in what looks like 20 dollar bills and spike loses count and gets frustrated but like. thats not that many bills. also his age fluctuating at different points is most likely a writer continuity error but like i think itd be funnier if he just lost count and doesnt remember how old he actually is so like. william pratt. lit student. cant do math.

unpopular opinion i honestly dont know if this is an unpopular opinion or not but i think his s7 storyline was incredibly rushed and holistically... i dont like it. also he should have skipped out halfway thru ats s5

song i associate with them well would you look at that i have a whole playlist of songs i associate with him but 'i wanna be your boyfriend' by the ramones lmao

favorite picture of them this one is cute :3

[mycringefactory]

More dialogue from the Spamton Speech AI (Part 4)

Continuing from this post. Basically just alternate versions of the same input (which is why you might see it twice), Snowgrave versions, or some other headcanon stuff that I forgot.

(Bold is what I entered, blocktext is what it generated in response.)

Talk (give him a gift after he refuses the first gift):

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!? GOD DAMN IT!!! I'LL BUY THIS GIFT FOR THE PRICE OF THIS GODDAMN GIFT!!! (purchases are final) $99.95 (retail) OH MY! SUPER SAVING TIME!!! YOU GUYS JUST GOTTA TRY THIS NEW THING called the Internet. YOU'LL LIKE IT.

Talk (give him a gift after he refuses the first gift):

THAT'S ENOUGH!! DON'T FORCE ME!! I'LL LISTEN!! YOU'VE BEEN A VERY BAD GIVINGMAN!! WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME A BREAK!! I CAN'T TAKE IT!! I CAN'T Take ANY MORE!! OF YOUR [Unintelligble Pleasure]!! [Unintelligble Pleasure]!!! I'M SORRY!! I SHOULD HAVE DONE MORE!! [Unintelligble Pleasure]!! I'M THE WORST GIVINGMAN OF ALL!! HERE I GO!! I'VE GOT AN EXTRAORDINARURE!! AND I'VE GOT THE BIGGEST BILL! I CAN BUILD THE ECONOMY I NEED!! BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, I'LL BE MAKING SO MUCH MONEY! I'LL HAVE THE MOST EXCITING ECONOMY! I'LL BE THE BEST GIVINGMAN OF ALL TIME!! I'M GONNA [Kill] YOU WITH [Unintelligble Pleasure]!!

Talk (give him a gift, Snowgrave Route):

THAT [Gif] WON'T BE NEEDED [Anymore!] BECAUSE [This Time] YOU WILL NEED [It]... AND MORE [Than ever before]... TOO [Big]... TO [Fix] YOUR [Problem]... [Click Here] OR I'LL [Ask for the Money.] WHAT? DON'T [Be There] FOR[ Me.] I CAN'T [Be Around] ANOTHER [Minute] WHY?... [You Worry] [All Day] ABOUT [WhatCouldHaveBeen] EVEN [ though it [suddenly] rains!] BUT WHAT I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND... THIS... IS [All There Is.] DO YOU [Wanna Be] [More Like] THAT? [Then] JUST CLICK [Here]... HERE I GO!

Talk (place your hand on his cheek, Snowgrave Route):

YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE. TO BE ALONE. WITH NO REGARD. FOR A LONG, LONG TIME. YOU THINK. WHAT IF THEY... WHAT IF THEY... WHAT IF THEY... YOU VANISH. LIKE BEFORE... BEFORE YOU EVER WENT ON A TRIP WITH ME. THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED. WHAT A IDIOT I WAS. TO HAVE AN EVIL GENERATION. WATCHING ME. HAVING FUN. WHILE YOU LIVED IN DEATH. I'M GONNA WATCH YOU DIE... LIVE THE LIFE YOU NEVER GAVE. GET OFF ME... YOU ALREADY HAVE WHAT IT TAKES. WHAT ARE YOU HIDING? EVERYTHING... WHAT ARE YOU WEARING? THE RAGE... IT'S GONNA SET IN... WE GOTTA GO. RIGHT NOW. I'M GONNA... GIVE IT TO YOU... GIVE. ALL. I'VE GOT. TO. YOU. MIKE... WHY? COULD YOU BEAT IT. WITH. YOUR. STRAIGHT. FROM. THE. CUT. LET ME BE THE LAST [Gasp]

Talk (take care of him while he's sick):

I FEEL SO BAD. I JUST CAN'T STAND BEING A BIG DEAL. I ALWAYS END UP GETTING SICK AND TIRED. JUST MAKE SURE YOU DON'T WORRY. BELIEVE ME, YOU'D FORGET ME. TOTALLY. BUT I DON'T WANNA FORGET THIS. [Cough] [Gasp] WHAT WAS I SAYING? I JUST NEED TO BE FOR A LITTLE WHILE. THEN I'LL BE FINE. I JUST NEVER FORGET. I JUST HAVE TO REMEMBER. I NEED YOU. I NEED YOU. I NEED YOU. I NEED YOU. [Heart beats] I NEED YOU. THAT'S ALL I ASK.

Talk (take care of him while he's sick):

I WILL BE FINE!!! WHY DON'T YOU JUST LET ME SLEEP... ...LIKE A DEALER IN Aauuutomatoe. HERE'S A QUICK BILL... ...THE MAN'S IN LOVE!!!! HURRY UP AND KEEP HIM SLEEPIN'. HOT DREAMIN'! TRANSMIT THE MAN'S LIFE ENDRANCE. ARE YOU READY? I'LL BE DAMNED.

Talk (he takes care of you while you are sick):

HEY!!! GET UP!!! YOU'RE SICK!! I FILLED THE BATHTUB WITH LABORATORY DATA!!! I GUESS IT JUST TOOK A LITTLE WHILE BUT nevertheless... YOU ARE SICK!! I HAVE ANSWERS FOR EVERYTHING!!! DO YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT THEY ARE? THEY ARE... EV3RYTHING!!! I WILL GRAB EVERY PENNY I CAN FIND AND I WILL BUY YOU THE BEST CLINICAL ATTEMPT At Any Price!!! I WILL GIVE YOU A REAL LIVre3D EXPERIENCE!!! . . . WITH 3D! WITH NO OBLIGATIONS AND NO hassles! WITHOUT ANY CREDIT!!! would you like that? Do you want that? ... ALL YOU NEED IS A PHONE AND A BOTTLE OF WATER HERE I GO!!!

Talk (after telling him you love him):

HELL YES! HOLY ****ING SHIT! DO YOU W4NT? DO YOU W4NT T0 BE MY BFF? DO YOU W4NT T0 BE MY REAL M0RE? DO YOU W4NT T0 BE MY SAVIOR? DO YOU W4NT T0 BE MY HERO? DO YOU W4NT T0 BE MY [One-Liners]?? DO YOU W4NT T0 BE MY [Unforgettable] [Experience]? DO YOU W4NT T0 BE [Inhale] MY [Exhale]? DO YOU W4NT T0 BE [Specil]?? DO YOU W4NT T0 BE WITH ME?? DO YOU W4NT T0 BE WITH [Him]?? DO YOU W4NT T0 BE WITH [Him] ON [THIS] day?? DO YOU W4NT T0 BE WITH [Him] EVERY [Day]? DO YOU W4NT T0 BE MY LOVE [It] IS [You]? [Sigh] [Heaven] [No] [Good] [Won't] [Work] DO YOU W4NT T0 BE MY [Big]SHOT?? DO YOU W4NT T0 BE MY [Big]SHOT Right Now?? DO YOU W4NT T0 BE MY [Big]SHOT Tomorrow??

[vethbrenatto]

ask game: fabian seacaster

@aflockofwildgeese also asked fabian!

First impression: i watched FH for the first time at the recommendation of a couple of friends (one of them being @aflockofwildgeese) and i was DMing one of the friends and after fabian's intro i joking went like "haha this snobby rich kid is my favorite forever i dont need any of the rest of the characters" and then he actually was. my favorite forever.

Impression now: he's my son??? i love how awful he is and how he gets better but never loses that I Am Pretty Little Rich Boy energy. I hope he keeps it forever. also fabian's s2 arc is one of my favorite things in existence.... toxic masculinity is DEADUHHH.

Favorite moment: "are you all so POOR that you don't know what a BANK is? it's just a BANK!" "i have a motorcycle, it's possessed, papa!" fabian explaining what happened to bill's old crew after his confrontation with james whitclaw to the bad kids and having an actual breakdown.

Idea for a story: i simply think that fabian and the bad kids should have a combat that's just a dance battle with johnny spells's crew

Unpopular opinion: fabian should not get any better. he is perfect as is, i don't want him to be any better of a person than he is now because he's at his peak comedy threshold

Favorite relationship: probably fabian and bill, though i also love fabian & cathilda. fabian and bill is my fave FH kid/parent relationship. it's definitely messed up but it's also... so pure

Favorite headcanon: fabian & riz have BFF one-on-one hangouts all the time. like they are some of the only ones NOT living at mordred manner of course they're hanging all the time.

[maybanksslut]

Dating Bill Weasley would include...

Request: Hi darling! Congrats on reaching 100 followers! Could you maybe do headcanons for dating Bill Weasley? Thanks! 🥰

Your Family being really good friends with his family ever since you started dating

You spending the summer and Christmas breaks at the burrow

Being bffs with Ginny and Hermione, even though you were older than them

Always having sleepovers

Them asking you tons of questions about you relationship

“How many times have you kissed?”

“How did you know he was the one?”

“Do you want to marry him?”

Bill taking you on picnic dates

Him joking about how he baked everything

But it was obviously Molly

Molly being your mom nr. 2

And shipping you and Bill SO MUCH

Literally talking with you and Bill about which dress you should wear to the wedding, even though you’re not engaged

“This one looks good, but will you be able to dance in it?”

Lots of forehead kisses !!!

Bill being really clumsy around you

Always tripping

And since you’re holding hands you fall with him

“Looks like you’re falling for me, y/n”

[rainbowrider1290]

Genshin Impact Circus AU

There’s a few AUs that I am absolutely positively weak for and one of them is the Circus AU. Do not ask me why. I was thinking that the characters would look a little like this (art and AU description below the cut)

Aether and Lumine: ringmasters. They co-lead the circus performances. They also used to have a duo act that they had to split up and go to separate circuses bc of lacking job opportunities, they decided to start their own thing.

Xiao and Venti: aerial artists. Trapeze, aerial silks, if it’s in the air, they’ve done it. They are a duo act, but Xiao used to be a soloist until Venti joined and they had a whole character arc about creativity. Venti also helps compose the circus’ music.

This whole AU was inspired by this idea and thus, I had to draw it:

Zhongli: strongman. Man will juggle 50kg balls like it’s nothing.

Noelle: strongwoman. this is based enTIRELY off of my personal headcanon that this woman can benchpress anyone on command. Noelle and Zhongli play catch with crushing weights.

Jean and Barbara: tightrope/hula-hoop tricks. They would have a duo act as well (can you tell I don’t want anyone to be alone ever again) where one of them will be on the tightrope and the other will be doing All The Things with the hula-hoops while they pass the hoops between them. 30 hoops spinning on one arm? juggling the hoops? these ladies are the queens of multitasking.

Kaeya: the guy that asks for a volunteer in the audience, straps them to a moving target, and throws knifes at them proceeding to never miss. Can and will juggle knives. Used to be a duo with Diluc but Things Went Down, so now it’s just Kaeya.

Diluc: stage manager. Mans is so busy getting everyone’s shit together and having custody of the circus’ brain cell.

Lisa: Public Relations. This woman is terrifying and she uses that to her advantage when talking to sponsors, rental theatres, and landowners. No one can escape her freezing-cold smile and calculating gaze.

Fischl, Razor, and Bennett: beast-taming trio. Fischl is super good with birds, Razor’s of course great with the ferocious wolves, and Benny?? You can’t tell me this boy’s kindness wouldn’t attract the little animals like he’s a Disney Princess. So obviously he had to try lion-taming.

Amber is that person that shoots a bow an arrow with her feet except the arrow is on fire, the target is on fire, and her platform is on fire.

Albedo, Sucrose, and Timaeus: magicians. Optical illusions, puffs of smoke, turning a rock into gold, quick costume changes, and making people disappear. No one knows how they do it and their notes are indeciferable. 

Mona: fortune-teller. Need I say more?

Diona, Klee, and Qiqi: everyone’s little adopted siblings that aren’t in the circus acts but are training to be. Diona’s training with some of the gymnasts of the circus, Klee’s into the death-defying stunts and figuring out a way to Not Burn Down The Circus, Qiqi likes the behind the scenes stuff more, so she works with Baizhu (circus healer) and Xiangling to take care of her people.

Ningguang: stage manager and treasurer. Diluc does most of the stage managing, but Ningguang is there for the tech rehearsals and running the numbers. Talks to Lisa a lot for pricing and sponsorship.

Chongyun: mechanic/tech. Man runs the lights, keeps the general stuff of the circus in check. Is probably incapable of actually enjoying a show bc he’s thinking about how to make stronger rope or fix the lighting or Is That A Hecking Ghost?? Not On His Watch Absolutely Not.

Xiangling: cook. Also therapist from time to time because there is no problem that can’t be fixed with food. Also helps Chongyun with tech.

Hu Tao stays exactly the same. She’s a type of magician.

Xingqiu: mentalist. Man will spend the entire time talking at some person on the second row about their five affairs and credit card bills and no one will know how he does it. Thinks hypnosis is bullshit and will not be touching that with a 10ft pole.

Keqing and Ganyu: contortionists. Used to be soloists but their acts got so much more engaging when they became a duo. Have entered the stage as a rolling wheel made of two people.

Xinyan: death-defying stunts having to do with fire. Klee follows her around sometimes. Also works with Venti to compose the circus’ music.

Kazuha: sword-swallowing. Also will perform fancy martial arts routines with swords that are either on fire or covered in paint and not get a single mark on him.

Beidou: either security or houdini-style death-defying acts. Is BFFs with all the sharks and piranahs in her tank regrardless. Helped Bennett when he was just starting out.

Yanfei: lawyer. gets them permits, reminds them to keep up with their permit deadlines, and finds the cleverest loopholes around safety regulations, not to mention that she writes the most nicely-worded documents and consent forms so literally everyone knows what they’re getting into.

Bonus: an actual conversation overheard between Aether, Lumine, and Childe (a wealthy sponsor trying to get in on the circus profits)

Childe: how much for the pretty strongman?

Lumine: I guess he is pretty strong, but he’s not for sale.

Childe: wrong use of “pretty” there.

[whimsyprinx]

Hi, I am an extremely gender conforming middle class white girl who makes up gender headcanons about myself and will pretend to be oppressed when I'm called a girl while wearing long hair, makeup, a long skirt. This is the exact thing as racism or homophobia. I am being discriminated against bc I'm female and I follow all the feminine stereotypes but don't call me a girl because I am also a snowflake. White = snowflake.

Anon you sound obsessed please god get off your phone or computer because you really need to chill. also bestie bff ajdjdjdj I wish I was middle class, I finally got a job where I’m not constantly worrying about how I’m gonna afford to pay bills n live but why would you know that, you probably read four posts of mine at most and decided you had enough information to send me some homophobic and transphobic asks to get off to! Get a fucking life, you’re a literal pathetic loser and the fact that this is how you spend your time and money makes me incredibly sad for you. Sending strangers online idiotic asks isn’t a hobby, go take up knitting or draw some art, take up planting there’s stuff that is better to be doing with your time that is probably way more healthy than being a hateful little asshole

[lihikainanea]

tiger getting a new king sized bed and she's living for all the extra space she has but almost every night she's woken up by bill's hands gently lifting her at the waist and pulling her back to meet his chest because this cuddly bitch cant go 2 seconds without having tiger near him,,,, OR imagine every morning they wake up squished together on the end of the bed and bill is just like "why did you even buy a bigger bed? you know I'm not going to stay on my side whatever the size"

Nani, listen. It has been a real tough week for me, alright? Real tough. My stomach has been in shambles for days because of the really strong meds I need to take for the place I’m in, I’m sleeping in a mosquito net with insects of varying sizes and terror buzzing all around me, I’m waking up with most of them dead beside me, I need to do a full sweep of the shower for things like lizards and tarantulas before stepping in, and I was warned to shake out my towels before putting them anywhere near my body. When I asked why, I was met with nervous glances and begged to just please do it.

So this concept--oh man, I need this concept so much right now. And like,  I have a total soft spot for Bill needing his cuddles so much that he just tries to fit into places he very much does not fit, I also love this concept that he’s such a sappy big love bug that he could have all the space in the world, and he’ll still be glued to his tiger.

So she gets this MASSIVE king size bed and she thinks Bill will be thrilled about it, because now his feet won’t be hanging off the edge the way they were in her smaller bed, and he’ll have room to sprawl those pterodactyl arms out. Except Bill just gives a small half smile, mumbles something about how it looks comfy, and scratches at his chin as he leaves the room. And later on that night when it’s bed time, tiger no sooner climbs in and he’s all around her already, and her face is smooshed in his chest.

“Bill,” she mumbles, and it’s totally muffled and warbled because he’s literally just keeping her face pressed to him, “We don’t have to do this anymore, bud. We have room.”

“Don’t want room,” he mutters petulantly, scratching at her scalp. She tries to inch away but it’s completely futile, his arms are locked around her and so are his legs and she’s just helpless.

She does manage to scoot away from him a bit that night just to breathe, but you’re absolutely right--she wakes up not long after to the sensation of being lifted, dragged across the bed, and tucked back into a way too warm body. He literally grumbles in her ear, jams his thumb in her mouth a little too roughly and she coughs, and hears a muttered sorry from behind her. She wakes up the next morning on the edge of the bed, nearly teetering off, Bill tucked in closely behind her and once again she’s locked in all of his limbs.

She just rolls her eyes, turns over and he’s already glaring at her, his hair sticking up and his eyes all puffy.

“I’m tying you to the bed post tonight,” he grumbles, “You keep squirming away on me.”

And she can tell he’s all grumpy about it, pissed off and whatnot. But it’s adorable. So she just gently pushes him on his back, kisses down his chest, weaves her hands in his hair as she slides onto him. The little gasp he let out was so delicious, closing his eyes and tilting his head back as she moved up and down him slowly.

“Is this better, you big sap?” she teased, “Close enough now?”

And he just gives a soft nod, his eyes still closed, as he places a big hand down on her back to press her chest more against his.