#BIG ASS BUG. HUGE FREAKING THING

[another-clive-blog]

It's a bird ! It's a plane ! !

(Original under the cut !)

[muffymello]

Handsy

(Buggy the Clown x f!Reader)

A small-town shopkeep makes the biggest mistake of her life by capturing a weird-ass spider.

1.8k Words

Working in such a tiny shop had plenty of issues. Cramped spaces, not enough room for stock, no escape from whiny customers…

But, there were also upsides. Mainly that cleaning was easy, but today being able to spot a huge spider on one shelf with ease made it a lot easier to pick up an old shoebox to capture it in. You didn’t get a good look before snagging it, just shutting the box tight and sitting on it immediately. It was a good thing too, from the way it slammed against the box aggressively it would have had a chance of escaping if you hadn’t done so.

A few layers of tape and air holes in the box made your life a lot easier, customers and coworkers alike praising you for your bravery. You didn’t love bugs, but didn’t harbor the strong fears of many others towards the creepy crawlies common to your town. The coworker who had spotted it initially and screeched for your help was especially grateful, wishing you thanks and avoiding the box as you put it behind the register.

This wasn’t the only big event of the day, as you were in for a surprise when a tall, broad man in a colorful costume burst into the store. He seemed slightly frantic, one arm hidden beneath his cape as he waved the other wildly. He was eye-catching not only because of his height and loudness, but the clown makeup and neon blue hair he had. The pirate hat on his head alerted you to the possible danger of this man, and you gripped the dagger next to the register tightly just in case as you ushered your coworker into the back room.

“Excuse me there, doll,” The strange intruder sneered, making you wince a bit at the nickname. His smile was his best feature, you decided, but the condescending tone falling from his lips didn’t do much to help him. “Have you happened to see… any spare limbs around?” He muttered the last few words, cheeks going even redder than the makeup had set them to be.

“I- uh… not really, no?” You responded, trying to figure out if this was some weird joke. “Spare limbs… what do you really mean by that, sir?” The tone you used was respectful but awfully puzzled, having no clue what was going on. You swore you’d seen the pirate before, but you couldn’t put your finger on even such a recognizable face. He didn’t bother to answer your question, just grunting animatedly before swishing his cape and leaving. You could have sworn you saw a hand missing from his hidden arm, but it must have been a trick of light as his colorful apparel was almost painful to look at for too long.

Murmurs were shared amongst customers after he stormed out the front door, the name Buggy the Clown being tossed around continuously. As your coworker emerged, eyes wide, she looked quickly to the box now tucked neatly under the counter. You had planned to walk into the forest in the evening to set the creature free, but with the way she was looking at the box now you were worried for what she was about to say.

“Hey, um… did you happen to get a good look at the spider earlier?” She questioned, voice barely above a whisper as her face paled. You stepped towards her, ready to catch her in case she fainted. She looked awfully close to doing so, only growing paler at your next words. “Not really, just scooped it up in the box and called it a day. Why?”

“Do you- do you know who that was?” She now stuttered, panicked in every sense of the word. Her fear of spiders must’ve fully left her body in that instant as she grabbed the dagger to rip the tape from the box’s edge, lifting the lid to peer inside. She yelped before almost dropping the box, quickly clutching it to her chest to keep the lid shut as tightly as possible while yelling for you to tape it back up. This little scene didn’t catch much attention from customers, still caught up in their own conversations as the two of you freaked out behind the counter.

Once it was taped and back in its spot, you watched her sink to her knees and shiver. “What, what is it?” You demanded, now worried yourself. What did the spider have to do with the strange pirate, and why had it worked her up so much.

“You didn’t catch a spider at all… we should have been watching closer, oh god-” She babbled on, seemingly lost in her own head before snapping her head up to look you straight in the eye. “That clown has a 15 million berry bounty and is nothing to scoff at- and we just kidnapped his left hand!” She whisper-shouted, not wanting to let any customer hear what had just happened as your face paled to match hers. You realized that his missing hand earlier hadn’t been oyur eyes fooling you, he must have eaten a devil fruit and-

oh god.

“Can he still feel his hand when it’s… detached?” You asked, mortified at the nod you received in response. Neither of you had any clue what to do, but knew that talking or doing anything more while customers were still around was definitely a bad idea. His face in the stack of wanted posters delivered to the shop later that day didn’t do anything to calm either of you down, and your mind went blank trying to come up with a plan.

That’s how you got here now, the left fist of a feared pirate captain stuffed into a backpack slung over your shoulder as you tried to move as inconspicuously as possible towards the forest. Tossing the bag into the woods would leave it easy to find but remove any chance of you being found as the culprit, and heaven knows your weak-hearted coworker wouldn’t be able to do this herself. You used the shadows and dark to your advantage, trying to ignore the loud, annoying tapping of the hand on the box it was trapped in. 

The last few hours had been just tapping, no doubt the pirate trying to track the hand down easier. You sat in an alleyway to gather yourself for a second, catching your breath and preparing to run the final stretch to the woods. As you moved to sit down, the bag fell off of your shoulder and slammed hard into the brick wall. The tapping stopped, and you felt a huge pang of guilt, more than you could really justify for a pirate of his status.

Your heart won out over your mind as you unwrapped the hand’s makeshift box cage, inspecting it for injury. After a few gentle brushes of your hand, you were surprised as the detached appendage began to hold your hand back. There wasn’t any permanent damage, but you patted it gently as an awkward apology for the rough treatment. You decided to just hold the hand for now, wrestling it back into the box when you were so close to the forest would be useless. You sat there for multiple minutes, patting the hand absentmindedly as your heart began to race just a little less, when you finally came up with a bit better of a plan. 

Sitting in the forest alone was dangerous for a lonely hand, and you were going to return it to the pirate yourself. He should be grateful, maybe even give you a reward, and he would have no way of proving you didn’t find the hand now and choose to return it immediately.

The ship was anything but subtle, docked not in the main harbor but off to the side with flashy lights and colors. You shoved your hand into your pocket along with Buggy’s, trying to communicate to him with two quick squeezes even if you didn’t really know what it is you were trying to say. You marveled at the ship before you, the circus tent mounted on the top was unlike anything you’d ever seen before in this small town. It was extremely out of the ordinary for you to encounter pirates or even explore at night at all.

It made the majesty of the ship all the more striking, having to force your shaky legs to keep moving as your nerves increased. Your head yelled to turn back as your heart only thought of the warm, gentle caress of the hand holding yours in your pocket. It never gripped painfully, but it was a tight, almost pleading grip. You could feel a slight shake in the hand, your heart ruling that you’d make sure it found it’s way back to its owner without any issue.

Immediately upon boarding the ship you were halted, oddball pirates inspecting you for any signs of danger before threatening you, asking what your business on board their ship was. “I just want to speak to your captain, please.” You said, as calmly as you could muster. The whole ship seemed like a party as of right now, even the pirates surrounding you seemed tipsy and unserious. One led you into the circus tent, where the partying intensified even more. Loud music, booze, acrobatics, showmanship, and a grand throne in the center of it all.

As you tried not to marvel at everything going around on this insane ship, you zeroed in on the throne. Perched on it lazily, one leg thrown carelessly over the arm was the captain himself, Buggy. He looked out of place despite his costume choices, his face mopey and dull. You squeezed his hand in your pocket again without thinking, surprised as you watched his mouth curve into a small smile before he squeezed back. Still, he looked depressed as he displayed his left arm, handless, perched upon his knee with the empty stub of a wrist actively visible.

You hadn’t realized you stopped to stare until one of the circus pirates guiding you gave you a light shove, causing you to stumble your way through the theatrics until you were right in front of the throne. Buggy barely spared you a glance before looking back out to his crew, watching all their performances intently but without a hint of amusement with any of it on his face. When you finally spoke, his eyes returned to you and stayed there, intimidating but not scary.

“Um, sir- captain? Buggy, I mean. I found your, I mean- I saw it and-” You gave up on your stuttering, opting to pull your hand and his out of your pocket to show instead of tell. You gave it one last squeeze as his face lit up with a huge grin, and you couldn’t help the yell that escaped from you as his hand returned to his body, bringing you along with it.

You were now in the lap of a high-bounty pirate aboard his ship as he didn’t seem to want to let go of your hand, too close for comfort as he grinned and chuckled at your startled expression.“Well, well, well, doll. Holding my hand, and I don’t even know your name.”

[avelera]

Hob Gadling - the absolute maddest of immortal lads

One of the things I love most about Hob Gadling as a character (and as a result, do my best to capture in fic) is how unique his reactions are to immortality and to Dream, and how he so often does the opposite of what one would expect from the genre of "humans granted immortality" but also what the average person and most of the audience expects that they would do with immortality, lending well to the concept that Hob is, genuinely, unhinged and a truly supernatural creature in his own right, which is often lost when the character we see him most often juxtaposed against is Dream, who is even more odd and unhinged if in very different ways

(I've decided to be systematic about this and go through meeting by meeting so strap in, folks it got long, as usual!)

1389 - First of all, Hob simply bragging at all that he doesn't plan to die. OG hipster right there, loving life before it was cool. But also, ok, loving life after being born less than a decade after the Black Plague ended. And in the midst of a great many Black Plague aftershocks! The latter half of the 1300s was a truly abysmal time to be alive, with huge social upheaval, war, plagues, "two bloody Popes fightin'" and in the midst of all this is Hob motherfuckin' Gadling, cheerfully announcing that death is for suckers and he doesn't intend to ever do it.

The man is a soldier! You'd think he'd be more accepting and philosophical about his inevitable death given the time he lives in, the profession he has chosen, the fact that most young men his age were wiped out at age 9 by the second wave of the Black Death, and just, in general, doing all of this while having the misfortune to live in England at the time.

And then when Dream comes up to him, like a complete weirdo, and challenges him on this, Hob is actually pretty nice to him! He gives him a side eye but he also goes along with the question, tells him to ignore his friend's jibes, and cheerfully accepts the wager! I cannot express to you how many turns in the road there are between what a normal person would do and what Hob Gadling does in that moment.

1489 - This one bugs me because the most unexpected thing Hob does is seemingly regress in maturity despite now being 100+ years old.

Now, I'm a huge fan of the theory that he's conning Dream right now and putting on the innocent chucklehead routine to put Dream off from kidnapping him to Faerie Land in exchange for his immortality. HOWEVER, since that's just a headcanon, let's take Hob as he is on the page!

Hob has a job. A Freaking Job. He used to be a bandit and a soldier, things that kind of make sense to do as an immortal (like The Old Guard) when you can't die! You could theoretically make BANK there just by taking dangerous jobs. But Hob doesn't?? He gets a normal-ass job, though in that day's equivalent of getting a job at Microsoft or Apple before they became big, Caxton is like one of the first modern startups in essence, a new technology that made TONS of money once it was imported, and Hob was on the ground floor. Still. HE GOT A JOB as an IMMORTAL. He doesn't seem to have this immortality thing figured out yet? And he doesn't ask Dream hardly any questions about it either! You'd think he'd be frothing at the mouth to better understand wtf happened to him, but once Dream clarifies that he's not the Devil and Hob's soul isn't in danger, that's it! No further questions, your honor! WHAT??

Also, just when you WOULD expect him to beg for death (that IS the genre savvy thing to do, Dream's not wrong!) he DOESN'T. He's more in awe than ever, he seems to be experiencing a second childhood over the fact. He's just vibing and living life. That's so, so unusual in this genre.

Hob also hasn't done any of the savvy things an immortal might do after 100 years! He doesn't actually seem all that angsty about why is he immortal, beyond a bit of fear he might need to pay the piper (Dream) now for this gift. Most vampires in an Anne Rice novel would have gone through about 20 stages of grief after they dealt with the first 100 years of everyone they know and love dying but Hob seems to not only be unbothered but actively gearing up for the next century. It's so bizarre. IT'S SO BIZARRE and I love it because I LOVE characters who DON'T do what you'd expect!

1589 - Hob has a family. HOB HAS A FAMILY. Who in their right MIND would start a family, knowing you'd have to bury your spouse and your children? HOB MOTHERFUCKING GADLING that's who! It's incomprehensible! He does it anyway! It's why I headcanon that he planned to support and nurture his family throughout time, like it was all very deliberate to found a dynasty, but it need not be! Knowing him, he just saw a pretty girl and married her! He didn't even CONSIDER his own wife and children getting angry and jealous with him for having immortality he can't share with them? He didn't even CONSIDER the heartbreak?? WHAT?! Who knows! He just did!

Now, this Hob HAS begun to do SOME of the things one would expect of an immortal - like build up generational wealth, BUT he has a KNIGHTHOOD. What immortal in their right MIND would draw that sort of attention to themselves?? HOB, THAT'S WHO. What are you ON, man, that's INSANE! No wonder he got drowned as a witch the man had ZERO CAUTION AT ALL.

1689 - the man is destitute. HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN IF YOU'RE AN IMMORTAL? This is AS puzzling as anything else. Theoretically, Hob could just take a dangerous job with a high fatality rate for quick cash and rebuild his fortune pretty quickly, but he DOESN'T. What went wrong? The possibilities are tantalizing and painfully human that maybe he did do that and failed anyway, or hit even WORSE strings of truly abysmal bad luck.

But somehow, at 300 YEARS OLD it's not until 1789 that we hear Hob has begun socking money away for a rainy day! How does it TAKE YOU that long, sir?? How is that NOT something you figure out in your first century? I've seen a lot of fan writers ascribe a certain amount of immortal savvy to Hob but it's REALLY not there on the page! The guy is NOT genre savvy about immortality AT ALL he doesn't do ANY of the things one would expect, it's absolutely WILD that he falls this low after 300 years after completely failing to, theoretically, CONSIDER this possibility! And then, AND THEN, the guy STILL wants to live. I mean, this one hardly needs saying, that's nuts after what he went through, it's on the page that he's NUTS for this. But the guy is literally in the gutter dreaming of the stars, he is unstoppable I love him so fucking much what a force of nature.

1789 - OK, we've already mentioned that it took until 1789 for Hob to start saving money for a rainy day but let's talk about the fact HE'S NOT ACTUALLY CAREFUL ABOUT BEING CAPTURED?? Again, least genre savvy immortal EVER. You can't die so you'd THINK that being captured or imprisoned or god forbid, thrown down a mine shaft would be the SCARIEST possible fates when you don't have death as an escape, but the guy doesn't even blink at the thought of getting captured by an occultist like Johanna Constantine, dude's totally unbothered! DREAM has to tell him after 400 YEARS that maybe he should be worried about this? THE GUY GOT DROWNED AS A WITCH, picked himself up, dusted himself off, got into some crimes against humanity, and MOVED ON apparently without learning a single goddamn lesson he hasn't had since 1389 which is how to kick ass and look good doing it BUT HE'S NOT EVEN A PROFESSIONAL FIGHTER AS A CAREER, he's just a gentleman of means!

He just... lives a normal human life and seems to expect weird things like being kidnapped by occultists to not happen so long as he stays within those boundaries and you know what? IT SEEMS TO HAVE WORKED! Because to be fair, how many of us outside the bounds of fiction would ever expect the wild stuff like kidnapping to really happen? It's statistically quite vanishingly rare! And that's been all Hob has needed, presumably, to not need to stress since the damn witch trials about his immortality! So yeah, I read fic where Hob is like this very savvy immortal but by 400 YEARS he's BARELY learned to have a savings account under a different name and he STILL doesn't seem too bothered by the possibility of getting hurt or captured! Like, AT ALL?! Absolutely class act right here, top lad, unbelievable, no notes. HOW do you SURVIVE like this as an anomaly, Hob?

1889 - By now, it SEEMS like Hob has bought a clue. He's pretty understated, he's made some amends, SEEMS to have resolved to be less of a shithead, and he's got this immortality thing figured out. It only took him 500 FUCKING YEARS. But again, Hob ISN'T fabulously wealthy as far as we can tell. He's not a megalomaniac and he STILL seems to be vibin' as just a dude doing Just A Dude things like HAVING A JOB and if we borrow from Hob's Leviathan a bit, he's STILL just jumping between industries, just living life down at the normal human level. He hasn't detached from humanity, he lives in the day to day on a level that's just INCONCEIVABLE for a being that's 500 years old.

1989 - Ok, moving on a bit from Hob being an immortal, because getting excited about technology like his brick phone is absolutely so charming I want to squish his cheeks, but he's hardly the only immortal to get excited about that. What I want to talk about is how HOB FORGIVES DREAM for 1889. Because, look, Dream is a prick there. Hob could have been more diplomatic but Dream could have waited for the apology and he didn't.

I have seen SO MANY TAKES where Hob would be MAD after 1889 and RIGHTFULLY SO. But he's NOT. He's not! There are so many fics where he has lingering hurt over it but that's just NOT what the character does! He blames himself! Guy did pretty much nothing wrong except maybe choose his words poorly, but he's blaming HIMSELF for making Dream uncomfortable. Absolute legend. Saints have nothing on this man, that is saint-like behavior. I'd be furious. Hob just misses his friend and BLAMES HIMSELF that Dream isn't there. Not an a single, microscopic trace of anger in sight.

2022 - And then, AND THEN, when he has EVERY REASON to flip out when Dream shows up, finally, after 133 YEARS, after Hob has APPARENTLY stuck around the area just in case, WAITING for him, what does this fucking legend say? "You're late."

THAT'S IT! He's not mad, he totally has a right to be! He doesn't jump out of his chair in shock, that would be a totally expected reaction to! He glances up! He acts like Dream is 5 minutes late instead of over a century WHAT IS THAT?? WHAT IS THAT?! HOW?!! They just settle back with a pint after that like it's nothing. That's not what I would do. I don't think that's what almost any human would do after a shock like that. I still can't wrap my head around it.

So anyway, Hob Gadling, absolutely FASCINATING character from the perspective of just not doing a single fucking thing you'd expect an immortal Just A Dude to do. Goddamn legend right there. Worth remembering for those like me who are obsessed enough to write this guy in fic. He is just so... opposite of everything you'd expect and that is so fucking sexy of him wow

[moonshynecybin]

#thinkin about teen dad marc…. like diplopia year…. <- say more callie

eye got. SIX asks about this lmao. but anything for you elle ofc. required reading on this is @yekoc’s vale knocks marc up in like 2013/14 post found here go read it (AND THE REPLIES !!! ). foundational text.

but in this one. vale is jerry springer voice NOT THE FATHERRRR. which i think would make his specific commitment issues significantly weirder and more complex. and marc MUCH more neurotic lmao. he has a baby to look after !!! AND he’s doing death defying stunts !!!

so marc either gets a girl pregnant and keeps the baby or gets knocked up and keeps the baby. choose your own adventure. he’s a teen. diplopia year cwaziness. fully like. i am injured and may never race again which i can’t fix instantly and easily so i’m going to HAVE THIS BABY. tries to #win at teen pregnancy. and marc is part of a VERY tight knit little family so once he gets better he absolutely carts that baby all around the world and inside the garage. (which. he comes back because he both wants to and HAS TO. marquez family finances already depended on him, now you add a tiny sweet infant into the mix that he is responsible for. marc is already psychotic about winning because of natural competitiveness and the aforementioned family pressures this would literally make him worse. crazier.) babychamp t-shirts new meaning. bouncing her on his knee in the box in 2012 BIG ASS baby ear protectors. santi very seriously explaining shit about tire pressure to the side. kissing her little cheek in parc ferme.

and vale. meets this baby/toddler. LOVES this baby/toddler. and as his relationship with marc takes shape it’s a little different! marc’s i’m old for my age complex is 9000x more pronounced but VALE’S i’m young for my age complex is toooooo… so it’s weirder. yes they start fucking but it’s also like. less often. less free time more baby time they don’t hang out at bars as much but every time vale sees marc he gets to hang out with a hot person he likes and sometimes he gets to be goofy for a leedle baby that he is RAPIDLY gaining affection for. marc leaves her with vale (HUGE TRUST. THE BABYSITTING LIST OUTSIDE OF FAMILY IS LIKE TWO PEOPLE.) when he goes to the bathroom and vale reaches over to grab her favorite toy (bugs bunny plush iykyk) without thinking and it’s like oh. oh no. like he spends enough time with her that he KNOWS HERRRR… doesn’t have the rigidity of the fuckbuddies dichotomy because they hang out so often WITH the baby so he can’t write the whole thing off as much. truly what do you do if you love and want to coparent a child. but are also exceedingly scared of commitment and growing older. well.

anyways vale is a freak so he turns that over in his head for a bit. scared 2 death. chews on that for a while. but when it really gets too deep for him is hmmmm ranch visit. when marc rocks up with his toddler (hot pink tiny bike for her that goes 1mph. baby pecco and luca and franky braiding her hair.) lethally adorable in a too big yellow vr46 hat that makes vale’s chest feel like RIBBONS.) and then marc races vale like he’s going to DIE. for NO reason. in a fun vibey recreational session. and vale’s fucking in it now!! every time marc takes a corner too fast his heart seizes up and marc’s daughter flashes in his brain (the baby curl of her hair and the way she reached for marc laughing from the crowd last race…) ans cold sweat breaks out across the back of his neck because if something happens to marc then—

so he pulls back. still waves to her in parc ferme. still makes stupid faces to make her laugh (feels like he’s FLYING. feels like WINNING.) and does grabby hands with marc on cooldown laps (eye ALSO think he doesn’t realize that his marc feelings are a separate entity for the baby feelings lmao. like that he would be worried about marc regardless. the baby is a good excuse here…) but. it’s interfering with his focus. he has to win his tenth. he can’t be coparenting this kid (she’s turning FOUR he’s been giving her bday presents for THREE YEARS NOW.) and worried about marc like that because marc is a competitor. and marc doesn’t feel that way anyways. marc is a bastard to him on track. marc is crashing all the time (WITHOUT VALE THERE. he hears about marc’s summertime hand injury and is like haha. and the baby was WERE. who is HOLDING HER??). and suddenly uccio is at his door and marc is a saboteur. and he’s getting older and he’s slower and jorge is GOOD and that’s— that gives something for vale to grab on to. to self destruct this before it can implode by itself. to make sense of all of this.

and afterwards— after sepang and their text thread drying up and everything. she still runs up to vale allll the time… finds him in the paddock tugs on marc’s hand until he lets her go… and vale always picks her up spins her around sends her back to her dad… still gets her a bday gift… marc watching with a sad smile on his faceeeee… vale DOES get over things faster in this universe because he wants to be more involved for babychild but. it’s rough there for a while when vale is still lying to himself and marc is creating RIGID structures for who he lets in to his daughter’s life because she STILL asks him to call vale so he can read the bedtime story because marc does NOT do the voices right… and he CANT CALL HIMMMM

[ntls-24722]

It's about time I made new refs for these 3 c:

They're this polyamorous trio of Debu who got known in their tribe for 1. Sindeer actively throwing herself into the wilderness alone to get hunted by their equivalent of lions and 2. Frequently winning against them, and the three working to make their shells into dye, selling the dye made from their lion-equivalents, and selling things made with the dye.

Breakdown of designs and general loredump below the cut:

*rated on how easy they are to acquire, not how common they are in Debu art/fashion

So, a big thing with these 3 is that they've gotten famous for dealing with their last competent predators - the lionfleas (bottom of post), these bipedal pack-hunting bugs that take advantage of their enourmous size, and their dye isn't just desired because it's made from lions but also because the color is valuable in general, similar to how purple was prized and usually reserved for royalty because of how difficult it was to get.

The first 2 sections of colors are really common with the first one being found constantly in the rocks they're constantly quarrying to make their caves, and the second one being a really prominent color in their plants' "flowers." Yellows, greens, and cyans aren't usual plant/organic colors, so they're very hard to get as pigments, at least for Debu who need a lot more of it. Usually they can only get it through trading Zebrapeople who can create these pigments much more efficiently than Debu, as zebrapeople have domesticated bugs who create them. But these lionfleas' shells produce a surprising golden yellow hue from the vesigial wings that got incorporated into their elytras, and this dye is used in the fabric Sindeer makes as a huge moneymaker and a giant ass flex in their stoles.

Speaking of which, Valley Debu have 3 big ideals - heritage, your in-group, and history/recordkeeping. The second of which I'm about to show off rn:

*The right side is the right side of all of their stoles to show they're all a part of the same group, and each of their left sides show their role in it.

Also, the fertility symbol - I went over this in the first try of this post, but the debu fertility symbol is kinda universally known as this centermost circle within the object it's on, since it's supposed to resemble a yolk from an egg. A lot of societies have a specific sigil but it's very easily recognized from the aforementioned center circle thing. The damn thing is everywhere on account of fertility being a very big ideal for Debu - their environment is harsh, arid, and susceptible to frequent famine, and prospering crops and other Debu is something they look forward to.

Valley Debu really like grouping themselves, establishing and aligning themselves with communities, on the broader and individual scale. Yes they're very nationalistic, but they're also extremely proud of even just friendgroups, they love to show the pride and demonstrate their exclusivity within groups as niche as possible(which leads to a LOT of polarization and wars within Valley Debu). These 3 are no different and when they're out and around other Debu they wear a stole around their hump+shoulders showing off how they're the freaks who keep surviving their equivalent to lions and live to make them into dye. Usually though, around the house they're just naked :P

Also, Extra notes on some of the stuff I added as their professions!

Sindeer is a huntress but she's specifically a whistleblower one, and also carves whistles, and here's why. On Bolur, all 3 species domesticated cloes instead of something like a dog, these bird-like flying reptiles who originally were domesticated to keep bugs off of their crops, who can often be trained to respond to specific whistles that mimic the ones they use naturally. The cloes Debu domesticated act a lot like hunting hounds for Debu, they can locate and kill game. So basically, she hunts with flying dogs and makes dogwhistles.

Then there's Rinkalla, who among other things, makes cement?

On Bolur, they have have land coral, these photosynthetic things with a soft, marrow-y pith and a hard limestone outside. The homo mousike (3 sapient species) really like using it in their cement and concrete since it's really widespread, and Rinkalla... does that! The original reason was because Bolur didn't have wood, but I'm realizing that wood as a concept for plants is so incredibly simple that I don't think I can make it Not canon, even though it was a fun design constraint.

Also, last names: Valley Debu societies are generally patriarchal, but their love of recordkeeping extends past this - they prefer the mother's last name to be passed down since the mother is the most reliable parent. If someone gives birth, no matter what they say who's the father, you can never be sure. But whoever gave birth is DEFINITELY the parent, you know? Their last name also doesn't change even with marital status.

Lepit made his last name up

[megamindsecretlair]

It Started With a Whisper - Chapter 11

Chapter 10 Chapter 12

Pairing: Sam Wilson x Black!Fem!reader / Plus Size reader

Warnings: 18+. Minors DNI. You are in charge of your own reading experience. Some sentences are intentional AAVE. FLUFF. ANGST. Cursing, mentions of grief, violence against Black men, Soft Sam. Sorry if I missed some!

Summary: A year after dating Sam, things began shifting in your relationship as you two grow on this journey through a superpowered world. You go to the Avenger's party after the opening scene of Age of Ultron and later on a date with Sam where he shares devastating news.

Word Count: 4,491k

Masterlist

A/N: I mentioned there was ANGST so don't throw tomatoes at me LOL. Thank you so much for your patience with me. When a fic isn't speaking to me, I have to let it lie for a moment. Likes are always awesome. Please consider commenting and reblogging to help support writers! I love hearing your thoughts! I block ageless blogs.

Taglist: @multiversefanfics @chaos-4baby @leahnicole1219 @capswife @anghstybean @targaryenvampireslayer @sheabutterbabes @browngirldominion @theunsweetenedtruth @thecookiebratz @we-outsiiiide @iv0rysoap

You were freaking the fuck out on the elevator. You were in Iron Man’s house. Technically, not yet as you were still in the elevator on your way up. But still. You were in a place only a few were privy to. 

Sam stood next you, looking as dashing as ever in a red shirt and black jacket, keeping it casual. You decided to do the same, wearing a simple blue dress and flats. You were not going to fall on your ass in front of these people. At least not from heels.

The doors slid open and a wall of noise greeted you. You tried your best not to bug your eyes out looking at everything. It was so opulent, shiny, and new. The space was huge, obvious since Iron Man had the entire top floor to himself. But still, this place could fit five of yours and it still would be big. 

Sam placed your hand in the crook of his elbow, took a deep breath with you, and joined the party. He smiled and nodded at people, seeming to open up further inward. You pinched him every few moments every time you saw an Avenger. A freakin’ Avenger!

Hawkeye stood off to the side talking to a few people. Iron Man was dressed in a dark suit as he schmoozed with people around him. There were a few veterans down by the pool table laughing it up. 

“Sam! You made it!” You both turned to the right to see Steve making his way through the crowd. He wore a blue shirt and a brown jacket and you couldn’t help eyeing the similarities in their style.

No wonder they got along so well. They were both old men stuck in the body of thirty year olds. You couldn’t help but smirk as Steve and Sam greeted each other.

“Gorgeous as always,” Steve said, nodding to you. 

Your cheeks heated and you giggled. Sam looked at you like you were crazy. Could he blame you? You were on a first name basis with a superhero. Your life was officially nuts.

“Thank you,” you said.

“Enjoy the party. Try to at least,” Steve said. He smiled and moved away but you got the sense that he was unsettled. 

Throughout the party, Sam stuck to your side like glue. He introduced you around to the few people he did know. You saw Natasha speaking to a Black lanky man in a suit. Natasha turned her head to you and you waved.

Natasha excused herself and floated over to you. Her red hair was stark against her white dress and she looked dropped dead gorgeous. You told her as much and she waved you off. “I love to dress up when it’s on my terms,” she said.

“I’m stealing her, Sam.” Natasha looped her arm through yours and you turned to Sam. He lifted his eyebrows, asking if you were good. You found the one other person you knew here, so you weren’t completely alone. You nodded.

“Go grab a drink and catch up with Steve,” you told him. Though you were here to help celebrate their win against Hydra, you knew that Sam had to talk to Steve about Bucky. After a year of looking, you weren’t sure how much longer your man could continue. He placed so much stress on himself trying to impress Steve, it was worrying you.

“Come on, drink time,” Natasha said. She dragged you towards one of the bars. Yes, one of them. Iron Man had multiple. You grabbed your favorite drink, sipping it and letting it give you some liquid courage.

You and Natasha talked about your interview and how you took to the job. “I just hope I get it. I will strangely miss the front desk,” you said. You didn’t think that those words would ever cross your lips, but it was true. 

You liked working with Ariel and you could hide at the front desk. Running meetings, you were front and center often. And you’d have to defend yourself to a group of people who had been in combat where you hadn’t.

“Hey, outside perspectives are just as important. Everyone could benefit from that,” Natasha said. An Avenger was trying to cheer you up. You really had gone to Loony town. You thanked her and asked about being an Avenger.

“It’s…something,” she said, getting a smile on her face that you couldn’t decipher. “Someone’s got to do it right?” 

“Would you like to do something else?” You asked.

She shrugged her shoulders. “Never had a chance to consider it.” 

You got the hint that there was more but you weren’t going to pry. You sipped your drink and scanned the room. Sam found his way to the pool table, playing with Steve and some veterans. He looked so in his element, you wished you could take a picture. You were not going to be one of those people.

A booming laugh sounded from across the room and you shrieked a bit. “Got a taste for hot Nordic gods?” Natasha asked.

If you could sink down through the floor, you would. “He’s just so…” You didn’t have the words. He was big, charming, and a literal god. Like…who wouldn’t be obsessed with him? 

“Want to meet him?” Natasha asked.

“Absolutely not, I’d die,” you said with a laugh. You may regret it the rest of your coming days. You tried really hard not to let anxiety define you. You refused to end up like your mother, jumping at every single shadow. She had genuine issues but she refused to get any real help for it.

“Come on,” she said. She pulled you by the hand anyway towards that side of the room. You caught Sam’s eye as you did and he followed your path. He grinned and shook his head, noticing exactly where you were going. You mouthed for him to help you and he threw up his hands.

Asshole. You were so going to get him back for that later. Natasha brought you around some veterans by the couches. Thor sat there, telling a really wild story about something called…Frost Giants? You didn’t want to know.

Natasha introduced you as Sam’s girlfriend. Thor threw up his hands like you were long lost buddies. “Sam is a great man,” he said. 

Oh god - god- that accent. You only smiled and bobbed your head. So many things you wanted to say got twisted in your mouth, forming a little ball of nerves that made your tongue stop working. Thor, a god, just smiled at you.

“She will be a counselor soon,” Natasha said.

“I don’t have it yet,” you corrected.

Thor smiled. “Ah, I’m sure you will be a fine…counselor,” he said.

“Thank you,” you said, finally able to speak like you had some sense. “And thank you for…all that you do.”

You wanted to die. You wanted to crawl into a tiny hole and never get out. You sounded so stupid. Natasha was enjoying every second of it. She leaned against a couch as you spoke and Thor clapped his hands together. If you didn’t know any better, you’d swear it sounded like thunder.

“Team effort all around. I’m only glad I could help,” he said.

A veteran came to punch Thor in the shoulder. “Let me tell you a story now, son,” the man said. 

You smiled and waved to Thor as he excused himself and sat down to talk to the veterans. You were sick to your stomach, yet glad that you did get to speak to Thor. He was so gorgeous in his red jacket, long hair pulled behind him. If you weren’t with Sam…you’d be dating some loser. Because Thor already had a human girlfriend who was a friggin’ genius. And there was no way you would even attempt flirting with the man.

Besides, you didn’t want to compete for shower time when wash day came around. 

You joked with Natasha and tried to keep an eye on Sam but he was too far gone in the swing of the party. You decided to relax a little. You were not a little kid with a security blanket. You were capable of relaxing and enjoying the party.

Natasha introduced you to a few more people, someone named Rhodey was the same man she had spoken to earlier. Another man named Bruce. You shook his hand. He was adorable with curls and a nice suit. He looked even more uncomfortable than you did at this party. There was also Maria who was also tall and gorgeous, with a beautiful red dress.

You managed to relax as you humanized these people. Yes, they were larger than life and taking on threats no one even knew about. But they were still people. Or human-like in the case of Thor. They were just people who had power who chose to fight for the human race. It was admirable and made you love these people even more. Not only as a fan but now as a…friend? 

Were you friends with the Avengers? Was that a thing? They knew your name. Surely, that qualifies as friends right? 

A snatch of movement made you look up to see Sam on the top floor, looking out over the crowd. He was in a deep conversation with Steve, sipping on his glass. Probably bourbon of some kind.

He didn’t see you so you were content to look at him, your eyes always drawn to him. He was so damn sweet and kind. This was beyond anything you had imagined for your future. But you couldn’t imagine your life without Sam now.

He was such a huge part of it, you weren’t even scared anymore at the thought. You just wanted to see where else you went and where else you found yourselves. He had been all over the world already, but he said he wanted to explore it again at his leisure with you.

The party was starting to wind down and Sam had come back to your side. You were still talking to Natasha when strong hands circled your waist. His chin came to rest on your shoulder with a deep sigh. 

“I’m sorry I’ve been gone so long,” he said.

“That’s okay. I hogged Natasha all night,” you said.

She smirked and shook her head. “You’re way better company than these boys,” she said. She said good night and left you two alone. 

You turned in your seat at the bar, facing him. He cupped your face and brought you closer for slow, deep kiss.

It took a moment for your eyes to blink open, but when you did, you looked up into his pretty brown eyes. “You are amazing, you know that?” He asked.

“You are,” you said. 

“Home?” He asked.

“Lead the way,” you said.

Sam grabbed your hand and led you from the party. You giggled a bit as you saw an old man being escorted out. He looked like he partied a bit too hard. You ended up yawning on the way down from Avengers Tower, feeling a bit like Cinderella. 

You rested your head on his shoulder as all the adrenaline left your body. You naturally felt so safe and calm with Sam, it was like he shooed all of your fears and worries away. On the way home, you barely kept your eyes open as Sam entertained you with his thoughts on the party.

Somehow, you made it to his place and in one of his T-shirts. You closed your eyes for half a second, and he was climbing in behind you, wrapping his arm around your middle and pulling you into his chest. 

It was exactly where you wanted to be, forever.

One month later…

You giggled on the phone with Ariel while you got ready for dinner with Sam. Even though it was approaching a year and half with him, he still took you on proper dates. He wanted to see you dolled up. 

By now, he’s seen you in your bonnet and still thought you were hot enough to snack on. He’s seen you at your absolute worst, sweating and heaving that time you got food poisoning. And he’d seen you at your absolute best, for your sibling’s graduation and how you clapped and whistled with pride.

Ariel was telling you about Ruby. They had almost been dating as long as you and Sam. “Ya’ll make me so sick,” you said, teasing.

“We make our own selves sick,” Ariel said, full of affection. “I still can’t believe I’m living somebody. Me!” 

“I know. Miss Fuck These Hos,” you said.

“Right! That fuckin’ part there!” She screamed and you laughed. You held up two sets of earrings up to your ear, trying to decide which one went better with your tawny brown dress. You felt like being extra fancy, even going as far as to get a manicure and pedicure. 

Tonight felt no different than any other night, but if he was going to keep asking you on elaborate dates, then you were going to continue getting pretty for no reason. The dress was a tad too short, showing off your thick legs, but Sam would love it. That’s all that mattered.

The doorbell rang and you told Ariel that you would talk to her later. “Tell Sam to have you home by eleven sharp. I don’t know why you think you grown all of a sudden,” Ariel said.

“Bye!” You cackled as you made your way downstairs with your shoes. Your dad was shuffling towards the door. It seemed like he got slower and slower every day now. He got winded walking up the stairs. Still, you begged him to go to the hospital but he was too afraid to leave your mother for anything other than work.

He opened it, greeting Sam and shaking his hand. Sam talked to your dad, his voice already doing wonders on your body. You descended the rest of the stairs and came around the landing. Sam’s face instantly lit up, taking in your outfit.

You twirled a bit for him, walking over to him and hugging him. “I don’t even know what to say. You are so gorgeous,” he said.

You smiled and patted his chest. “You charmer,” you said. “Dad, take your medicine, please? If you don’t, I’m driving you to the hospital.” 

Your dad waved you off. “Son, will you remind this young lady that she is young and should be worrying about herself?” Your dad kissed your temple and shuffled back over to the living room chair. 

“Yes, sir, I will.” Sam laughed and escorted you out the house. 

“I’m worried about him.”

“I know,” Sam said and kissed you on your temple. “He worries about you too.” 

You climbed into the car and soon you were off to some restaurant that Sam picked out. You talked about nothing and everything. You talked all day long and yet when you got in the car with him, you found more and more topics to talk to him about.

You talked about everything. Superheroes, life, the fate of the world, politics, religion. There was no subject off limits between you two. Though you tried hard to stop, there was always something in the back of your mind waiting for the other shoe to drop.

You weren’t expecting Sam to let you down. It was more that you couldn’t trust something that made you this happy. After a lifetime of cleaning up other people’s messes, it was a wonder that you got to keep something for yourself. Sam made you this happy. 

After parking the car and holding your hand right up to the front door of the restaurant, you couldn’t help studying him.

“I got something on my face?” He asked.

You giggled and shook your head. “You just make me really happy, Sam,” you said.

He grinned at you, planting a soft kiss against your cheek. “You’re my happy place,” he whispered against your cheek.

Settled into your seats, the evening passed in a hazy like way. You talked and giggled and made fun of each other’s plates. It was like you were watching a montage of the greatest hits in your relationship. You paid attention to the vibe and atmosphere of the place.

Cozy, intimate. The pasta was good and delicious. You ordered your favorite one and spent the night defending it to Sam. He only chuckled and said he still liked you despite your weird choices.

You were perusing the dessert menu, wondering what you could take home. You always found a second stomach for dessert but tonight you were stuffed.

“I need to tell you something,” Sam said slowly. You looked up at him. He wasn’t really looking at you, playing with his napkin on the table. 

Butterfly wings flapped painfully in your gut. Was he going to…propose? It had only been a year! You took in your surroundings. It would be a pretty nice setup for it. But, it was too soon right? Right? 

“Okay,” you said. Your voice was small, breathy, fear clogging up your vocal chords. You wouldn’t be able to speak had you wanted to. You hadn’t even exchanged I love you’s yet. Did you love him? Could you marry him? Should you be panicking this much?

“It’s about the Avengers,” he said.

You loosed a sigh. Thank God! You didn’t know what you would do if he did propose. Now that he wasn’t, you weren’t that relieved. Did that mean something? Shit, you were turning into your mother.

The last you heard of the Avengers, they had been overseas involved in a huge conflict regarding some kind of sentient robot? The news coverage had been spotty and you weren’t sure you wanted to know. 

Watching the news these days has started to break your heart. There was always something major going on in the world. And with these superheroes becoming more frequent, so did the bad guys. Sort of like a chicken and the egg situation. Did the villains come first or the heroes? Who spurred the other to action first?

The devastating effects of what happened in Sokovia was too much for you to comprehend. An entire country had dropped in on itself, killing thousands. The Avengers had stopped that ordeal, but barely. And with so much loss of life. You shivered.

“I do not envy them that job,” you muttered to Sam. You placed the dessert menu down and gave him your full attention. “What’s up?” 

Sam took a deep breath and finally looked at you. “I have decided to join the Avengers,” he said.

You stared at him, your head cocked to the side, trying to decipher what he just said. You giggled nervously and shook your head. “Sorry, it sounded like you said you joined the Avengers.”

Sam nodded. “Steve asked me to join. With Tony retiring, Barton retiring, Bruce off world, Thor back in Asgard…he needs a new team. I said yes,” Sam said.

You licked your dry lips. A tickle in the back of your throat burned with a repressed cough. You drank some water. Tears pricked your eyes. Your chest thundered with your heartbeat. Beating wildly against your rib cage.

“Please say something,” Sam said.

You scoffed. “You took me to fucking dinner, knowing I can’t blow up like I want to,” you snapped. 

“That’s not why,” Sam said.

“Are you kidding me? Like are you actually joking?” 

“No, I’m not. I have a chance to do good in the world. Way more than I did as a pararescueman. I can help people on a global scale,” he said.

“Fighting aliens and robots and shit? Are you nuts?” Your voice was getting higher, drawing attention from nearby tables.

Heat burrowed through your chest. You felt explosive. As if you could simply burn from the inside out. You stared at Sam, desperately trying to figure out what was running through his mind.

“I know it’s dangerous, but it’s not anything–” 

“So you just make this huge ass decision and say nothing? A year together and I supported you going off to hunt down you-know-who. I supported you working with Steve because it meant that you would come back. We talked about how you didn’t want to join the Avengers, that it wasn’t your thing. And now? What changed?” 

“Steve asked me-”

“Oh, Steve asked you. That makes all the fucking difference,” you said. You couldn’t believe this. Couldn’t believe that he would just…accept it and not say anything. What did it mean for you? Did he expect you to join him? The hell were you going to do at an Avengers compound? Play mammy? 

“Let me finish,” Sam snapped, a sign of his own anger. It was rare to see it. Rarer still that it was directed at you. “Yes, Steve asked me and I wrestled with this decision alone. Before you start, I’m not asking for anything to change between us. I know how you are with your family. I’m not going to ask you to move with me or give up the opportunity to become a counselor,” he said.

“How I am with my family?” 

Sam sighed. “I didn’t mean it like that-” 

“How did you mean it, Sam?” Your voice was deceptively calm. You were so furious, you could toss him through the wall and not give two shits about it. The tears in your eyes turned annoying. You swiped them away from your face. Sam saw the gesture and his mouth turned into a frown.

“I meant that I know you take care of your family and I’m not trying to rip you away from them. The compound is not that far from here. We can take the train to see each other. You always said you wanted to take more train trips.”

“With you! With you by my side. Not on my fucking way to see you,” you said. 

“You have every right to be mad,” he said.

“Don’t shrink me, Sam. This is bullshit. You ambushed me,” you said. You couldn’t even inject any venom in your words. You were just hurt. So fucking hurt, your heart was on fire. He set it ablaze like a wildfire through your veins. 

You knew this was too damn good to be true. Here was the shoe drop. Really, this was your first real fight and it was turning ugly fast. “You didn’t fucking trust me enough to make this decision with me. You just made it. Ever since you went on your little adventure with Steve, you’ve been chasing that high.” 

“What?” Sam asked. “I don’t get high doing this.”

“You like feeling useful. Sticking up for this bullshit ass country that doesn’t give a shit about you!” You didn’t care if you were yelling. You didn’t care that you were making a scene. You didn’t care that you had become one of those cliched Black couples that fought in public and made it everyone else’s problem. 

You were a funny story now in someone else’s life. While your world was crumbling around you, disappearing before your very eyes. Marriage, picket fence, some kids running around. All of it was snatched away with a few simple words from him. 

You were about to ugly cry and you didn’t want him to see it. You stood up from the table and threw your napkin down. “I’m going home.” 

You walked out of the restaurant into the bitter cold of DC. The cool air could not dampen your anger. In fact, it made you rage. Bubble over with it. Consumed by it. It swallowed you whole. You pulled your phone out of your purse with shaky hands. You could call Ariel but you didn’t want rationality right now. You wanted to throw something. Hit someone. Tears fell freely away from prying eyes.

Your temper has always scared you growing up. How your little body would fill up with so much rage. You would punch walls, break things, toss things. When your mom got on your case enough times, you internalized that rage. You listened to music too loudly to hurt your ears, you bit your lip to the point of bleeding, you picked at scabs to leave scars. You didn’t cut yourself, you didn’t want anything too obvious. You didn’t want people to worry about you. You had bombs quaking in your bones whenever you were angry and you wanted to minimize the fallout every time.

You had worked so hard not to be this person. To push your emotions away until you could trot them out in the safety of your room. Dole them out and feel them one at a time so you aren't overwhelmed. 

You hated being ambushed most of all. There was no way to guard against that. No way to prepare and stick your feelings in tiny boxes to be unwrapped later. Away from others.

Fuck him. He knew that. You had no indication that he wanted to join the Avengers. How could he ask you to live with that uncertainty? In the military, he dealt with human villains. Human scum who committed acts of violence on others. That was one thing.

With the Avengers, there was no telling who or what he would go up against. And you were terrified that you’d get a call one day telling you that he didn’t make it home. You couldn’t lose him. Not like that. It hurt too much to think about.

You called for an Uber and waited away from the restaurant. Why couldn’t he be more selfish? Why couldn’t he protect himself? Hadn’t he done enough for this shitty ass country? When was it enough? When would Black men stop shedding blood for this cruel country? 

“Wait!” Sam jogged out of the restaurant. You held up your hands. 

“Not another step, Sam,” you said. You sniffled, the tears making a mess of your makeup. 

“Baby, please,” he said. He was out of breath. Tiny clouds escaped his mouth as he stared at you. “Let’s talk about this.”

“Fuck you! Now you want to talk? When your mind is already made up?” 

“I don’t want to lose you.” 

Your heart cracked. You could feel the jagged crack splitting your heart in two. You wanted to run into his arms and hold on tight. But you also wanted to kick his fucking teeth in.

“I’m not safe to be around like this, Sam.” 

“Let me take you home,” he said. He stepped closer and you stepped away. Your phone dinged with your approaching Uber. 

The small sedan pulled over to the curb. You confirmed the driver details and license plate and climbed in. “Wait!” Sam called after you.

You told the driver to move and you didn’t look back. You let the tears cloud your vision on the way home.

Masterlist | Chapter 10 | Chapter 12

[cyanocoraxx]

I have a question!! What made you like centipedes and want to keep them? (Or just bugs in general?)

honestly this all started around 8 years ago when i read something that said "we fear what we don't understand"

i realized that i was scared of spiders because i didn't understand them. i was scared of snakes because i didn't understand them. etc etc etc. it's easy to be nervous about something when you think you can't read its behaviour and don't know if it will hurt you. the unknown is terrifying for sure. but here's two examples - that big ass house spider isn't chasing you - it can only see light and dark, it just wants to find a shadow to hide in. that snake likely doesn't want to bite you, but it will if you don't read its defensive signals and back off. when you start to learn things like this, you realize that these animals just want to survive like you, and there's no need to be afraid if you spend a little time researching their body language, how they use their senses, etc etc. they're just lil guys ur honour!

started with some docile tarantula species and over time worked up to where i am now with medically significant wandering spiders, old world tarantulas and obvs a lot of others. it's not always easy and yeah i shit myself when they bolt at mach 5 in my direction sometimes but who wouldn't lmao. that's what a catch cup is for <3 i also jumped in with my first snake, my brazilian rainbow boa, which is known for being defensive and bitey in its baby stage. scared of being bitten? let's try EXPOSURE THERAPY. turns out it's not that scary actually. inti you just look silly and also ur like 1ft long. pls. and here's the thing with all that- they only bite because they're scared and unsure of YOU. you have to show THEM that you're not a threat. so we did some mutual Understanding of each other (him latching on to my hand and me just sitting there quietly) until we both found out that actually, we're not scary. i think that's something special.

so........... centipedes are the latest animal that i realized i still felt nervous about, and guess what - it's only because i didn't feel like i understood them. i heard all these things about how they're all aggressive, nasty, ill-tempered things that just want to bite you. i was a little scared of them, so i just got one at an invert show after speaking to a breeder about their care and started to learn. learned that they're very deserving of respect - especially those with medically significant venom like the dehaani. those guys are a little insane (love u eos but ur a freak)

centipedes are still a bit of a mystery to humans, i think - we don't fully know how far their intelligence goes as not many people are researching their cognitive abilities. but centipedes can be socialized with us to tolerate our touch, some even seeming to "enjoy" being petted as it may make them feel like they're hiding under something warm and dark. some keepers swear their centipedes can remember them. some say they can be classically conditioned to associate a stimulus with something else (i.e. a tap on the enclosure means food is coming). each pede has its own temperament, some are bolty and bitey and some are laid back. i think this is all fascinating. are these worms made of knives smarter than most think? yeah, undoubtedly. we just don't know HOW intelligent yet. how many other animals do we underestimate and overlook?

here's something to bear in mind when interacting with inverts: you're HUGE. you make a lot of loud noises and heavy vibrations when you move. you're unpredictable. you give off heat and smell like salty sweat but you're not food. sometimes you might smell like fruit if you use a body spray. you reach down from above like an aerial hunter. so what are you? an invert with limited senses has all of this to figure out in just a few seconds.. it's no wonder they react so viscerally to us sometimes.

tldr; the thing probably doesn't want to bite you <3

[hawkinsharlot]

argyle headcanons !!!

this man is so fine, i’m genuinely surprised there isn’t more content about him out there

general hcs;

he doodles and draws a lot! mostly when he’s high as shit. give him a couple of pens and some paper and he’ll be entertained for hours

he gives such good hugs you don’t even KNOW!!! seriously, he’s so good at comforting people and he doesn’t even know it

he loves taking those quizzes in magazines and often makes jonathan take them with him as well

he’s an animal lover. any kind of animal tbh, more than just cats or dogs!! bugs freak him out tho

he’s one of those people who sleep with like no blankets, but a MILLION pillows

speaking of sleeping, he tends to sleep on his front or on his side. he likes to hug stuff at the same time too

this is barely a headcanon, but he speaks spanish! grew up speaking it and speaks it at home a lot

relationship headcanons (sfw)

he’s basically a huge teddy bear when it comes to cuddling. especially if you’ve had a hard day, he just pulls you into his lap and tries to comfort you to the best of his abilities

he calls you dude and bro a lot. sure he has some nicknames for you too, but it’s still “dude” and “bro” out of habit.

when he does call you pet names tho, it’s mainly things like babe or baby, sometimes even honey if he’s real sappy. that’s only when you’re alone tho

he’s a fan of sleeping in just to cuddle and talk when you first wake up. when you nap together or spend the night at each other’s place, the mornings are filled with cuddling and kisses

oh speaking of kisses, he loves shoulder and neck kisses! giving them mostly. he’ll often come up and hug you from behind and plant a little kiss on the crook of your shoulder or right on your neck. he’s always gentle when he kisses too

he’s 10000% let you braid his hair!!! he’s all for people playing with his hair

he’s also a big fan of laying on your chest or tummy when cuddling. anywhere soft? he’s laying. chest? lay. thighs? lay. tummy? lay. and yes, you’re getting kisses wherever he decides to lay too

relationship hcs (nsfw)

oh he’s for sure an ass guy. any ass is a good ass. he’ll usually rest his hands on your butt when you two cuddle. and if he’s in the mood, he’ll press your hips to his to show you that

he likes thighs too. whenever he goes down on you, he makes sure to leave marks all on your inner thighs before eating you out. he definitely likes to take his time with you

speaking of going down on you, a lot of the time he’ll kiss down your tummy before putting his head between your thighs. he likes taking it slow and seeing how much he can wind you up before you finally cum

he’s not a fan of quickies

again, he likes taking his time

his favorite position is having you sit in his lap and ride him while you two make out

he’s definitely not quiet either. he’s not super super vocal, but he doesn’t hold back his moans and groans at all.

sex while high is the norm tbh, it’s rare when you’re both sober

he’s actually really skilled with his hands. he definitely likes watching you squirm under his touch as he gently rubs your sweet spot before he finger fucks you

oral fixation is strong with this man

his mouth needs to be on something at all times during sex.

boobs? always in his mf mouth. there’s never a time where you don’t have at least 3 hickeys on them

when it comes to actual sex, he tends to take it slow but deep. gripping onto your hips as he goes as deep as he can into you, trying to find the magic rhythm you seem to love so much.

he prefers finishing on your stomach or on your back. never inside, honestly.

“i’m too young to be a father, man. i’m not ready to grow up just yet!”

he’s over all very careful when it comes to sex. he’d never wanna hurt you, so whenever you blow him, he doesn’t push down your head too much unless you say he can. he mainly keeps your hair out of your face

with blowjobs too, he really likes finishing on your face. there’s something about seeing you covered in his cum that he finds super hot

mutual masturbation is definitely on the table too

he likes to see how long either of you can go without helping out the other

spoiler! it’s not long

he likes watching you play with yourself more than he admits. sometimes he’ll even ask for you to put yourself on display for him. slip off your shirt, or completely get nude too.

he does it himself too. let’s you get a nice long look at him while he jerks off

[eroswmorals]

28 and 7?

Hi anon!

28. do you collect anything?

I used to collect dead bugs (mostly june beetles). I don't do that anymore because I'm like really scared of them now for some reason.

Now I collect scissors. They're cool, and they're sharp so I can have something to defend myself with if I'm suddenly attacked.

7. what scares you the most and why?

I made a list at some point but I lost it :((

Off of the top of my head, I'd say roaches are probably the scariest thing to me. Like dude. Have you seen their gross long ass antennae? Like how they feel around? And they're like big fat brown pills and they skitter around and they're so big (I'm in the south so they're huge and everywhere) you can hear it skittering around.

I have no idea where this fear came from, one day I just saw one and realized it freaked me out and now if I see one I'll screech at the top of my lungs and run in the other direction.

[dnightshade0]

Voltron: lance the spider slayer

Lance is sitting at the kitchen table, drinking his coffee when Elena runs up to him in a panic.

Elena: lance! I need you to get your bayard and go kill a spider!

Lance blinks in confusion.

Lance: um what?

Elena looks lance dead in the eye.

Elena: I NEED YOU TO GET YOUR BAYARD AND GO KILL A SPIDER!

Lance: … uh isn’t that a bit overkill? Wouldn’t a newspaper work just as well?

Elena: no, this spider IS HUGE! You’re gonna need your bayard. Now hurry up and get it!

Lance rolls his eyes, goes and grabs his bayard and follows Elena to their bedroom.

Lance: I’m the blue paladin, defender of the universe and now a spider slayer. Boy hunks gonna have a good laugh about this one.

Elena: oh don’t worry, your are definitely a real American hero here.

Lance: seriously? You know, usually you’re pretty chill when it comes to dealing with spiders. Your always all about not killing them and letting them go outside to eat all the bugs so they don’t come in our house. Why the sudden change of heart?

Elena: THIS IS A HUGE FUCKIN SPIDER!

Lance: riiiight…

They make it to the bedroom door and Lance walks in. After which, Elena promptly shuts the door. Again rolling his eyes, Lance activates his bayard and looks for the spider.

Lance: ok so where’s this spi-HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!

Lance looks at the opposite wall to find a spider the size of a football!

Elena: I TOLD YOU IT WAS FUCKING BIG!

Lance: I THOUGHT YOU WERE EXAGGERATING!

Blam! Blam! Blam!

Elena: did you get it?

Lance: no. The little bastard is fast. How the hell can something so big be so damn fast?!

Elena: I thought you were supposed to be the teams sharpshooter?

Lance: even us pros have our off days!

It took a while, maybe 10 minutes, but Lance finally hits the spider, killing it. He walks to the door and tries to open it but Elena isn’t letting the door open.

Lance: babe, let me out. The spider is dead.

Elena: did you double tap it?

Lance: what?

Elena: DID. YOU. DOUBLE. TAP. IT?!

Lance: how do you even know what that means?

Elena: I watched zombieland! Now go make sure that little bastard is good and dead!

Lance: it’s on its back with its legs in the air, I think it’s obvious that it’s dead.

Elena: your really sure about that?! For all you know, it could be playing possum! Now I ain’t letting you out of that room until you make sure that damn thing is actually dead!

The next sound that is heard is a Blam! Then lance pipes up.

Lance: ok, it’s dead. NOW can I come out?!

————————————————————————————————

Now can you imagine if a black couple had to deal with this big spider craziness?

Wife: hun you need to get your gun and shoot that spider!

Husband: are you for real lady? What chu need a gun to kill a spider fo? I can kill that motherfu%#$# with dis here newspaper.

Wife: you can try but I guarantee your gonna want a gun when you see dat bitch!

Husband: alright whatever, watch, I’m gonna kill that little mf.

Goes into the bedroom.

husband: alright now where that little motherf%$##$ at-AW HELL NAH!!! WHAT THE FUCK?! Nuh uh you need to let me out right now!

Wife: I thought you said you could handle it? You said you could kill that little mf with that newspaper.

Husband: GIRL, YOU DIDN’T SAY NOFFIN ABOUT THE SPIDER BEING THAT BIG! Now let me out!

Wife: nuh uh.

Husband: you let me out right now woman!

Wife: nope. Come on boy, you supposed to be the man of the house. And you can’t kill a damn spider?

Husband: that’s not a spider! That’s some eight legged freaks level shit right there! No way! I’m gonna call an exterminator. Let them deal with this crazy shit! Damn man! What the fuck dis spider been eating? Some SpiderMan wheatys! No way, this spider gonna eat a can of spinach and go all popeye on my ass!-OH SHIT! NO NOOOO! Don’t you come on over here by me! Let me make you a deal! You Stay over on that wall and I stay over here, I’m not gonna shoot you and we’re not gonna be bothering each other. Live and let live. That’s what we’re gonna do alright! Alright? Cool cool. Honey! Please for the love of god, let me out of here and I swear I won’t offer up your ass in exchange for my life!

[mayhem24-7forever]

First off you need to deflate that giant ego inflated head of yours.

Second I am not "harassing" anyone I am calling out a serious problem in the fandom which is that a huge number of writers are ignoring the main canon couple of the show who are also gay men in order to ship themselves with those characters. It's homophobic and unacceptable and I will continue to call out everyone who does this.

If someone doesn't want to ship Vigilmaker then okay that's a little sus but not inherently homophobic...erasing Chris and Adrian's romantic relationship and their sexualities (they're literally both gay!!!! what is WRONG with you freaks???) so that horny straight bitches can ship themselves with them is straight inarguably homophobic. It's also pathetic and cringe. Reader inserts are fucking cringe! This is literally why we need to bring back bullying.

It's not about blocking or filtering tags! It's about the fact that these fics shouldn't exist in the first place! It's fucking shameful that there are so many of them and they outnumber fics about the main couple of the show! Filtering tags doesn't get rid of them problem which is that they exist and there's a lot of them.

This fandom is not for horny straight bitches! Get out! Get out of our tags get out of fandom GO AWAY!!!!! This show isn't fucking for you!!!!

To your first point: You telling me I have a big ego when you refuse to even try and argue against anyone's points is peak comedy. So if I am the kettle, you are the pot.

Secondly, as has been pointed out to you by several people you've decided to bug about this, Vigilmaker isn't canon or the "main couple" of the show and both characters have been canonically shown to be attracted to the opposite sex (which doesn't rule out that they can be bisexual or pansexual btw). So I'm a little confused as to how you think anyone is setting canon sexualities aside for anything. But in case you don't believe me here's some proof from James Gunn himself: (https://www.cbr.com/peacemaker-vigilante-shipping-james-gunn-confused/). Also here's some proof that Chris is CANONICALLY bisexual, not strictly homosexual (https://www.out.com/television/2022/2/16/how-peacemaker-became-bisexual-in-hbo-max-show-john-cena-james-gunn-dc-comics-dceu). So technically speaking, you're going against canon.

Also, I'm wondering if your feelings on this applies to other changes to canon made by fan fic authors? Do you only read things tagged with "canon compliant" and believe that making them in any sort of AU is reprehensible to canon? Because apparently it is "homophobic" for me to not ship two characters who are canonically straight or at most bisexual/pansexual but if I were to write a fic where everyone was a pirate instead of their canon jobs, that's something you're gonna allow. Just curious how we're drawing the lines of what is and isn't acceptable for fanfiction.

The thing that annoys me the most about this isn't just that you refuse to even try and defend your argument with anything except repeating the same points that have already been refuted and proved incorrect and childish insults about being "cringe" etc. What really gets me is that you are straight up assuming everyone who writes these fics must be horny straight cis women because apparently in your eyes you are either gay or straight and there's no inbetween. Newsflash: Bisexuals, Pansexuals, and other Queer identities exist.

To your complaints about self insert/reader fics being cringe or disgusting, that's your opinion. It's something you're not into in fanfiction and that's alright, we all have our preferences. Personally, I don't like to read fics with unhappy endings but you don't see me going in the ask boxes of angst writers to complain. You're apparent beef with self insert writers isn't some moral mission to stop homophobia, because there's no homophobia going on (except from your biphobic ass). I'm not going to do you the disservice of assuming your gender or sexuality as you have done for me and my friends but no matter your gender or sexuality, you don't get to be the ruler of all fanfic who determines what is and is okay.

Yeah, it would be a valid problem/concern if James Gunn were to come out and say that Chris and Adrian are now 100% homosexual and in love and that their past references to having heterosexual sex no longer apply as they've changed and are now super duper gay and people were to make them straight for fics. But that's not what's happening so I don't know where you got this stick up your ass from. Stop policing or gatekeeping fandom, no one died and made you head ceo of the Peacemaker/DC fandom so stop acting like it.

TLDR; L + you don't know how to argue + you're biphobic + you're an asshole + you're straight up wrong <3

[the-firebird69]

This guy Tommy f is a juvenile delinquent we cannot allow him to continue our son and same with Trump they're horrible these people are losers okay to get hit and it's a big huge mystery forever and they're never going to stop doing these things to him and he's told us a few times when we know about it. But we have to stop them now. Right now The Tide is only about 8 inches from the high clam Mark and it's going to go up and over that a few inches and it's not a good sign a lot of water just came down from past activities and it was flowing into these reservoirs and lakes and underwater reservoirs now those are emptying out which is good you know getting some time but boy this is a real pain in the ass we're very very pissed off we never put up with this s*** we always act and it's just ridiculous and you're not coming back soon ever and we're going to make sure and there's a lot worse things in life than bugs and then come poop idiocy and ignorance is insanely high it's so much so that nobody can be disciplined you think it's just you fighting each other you're a bunch of boneheads. We're going after his devices and we're going to stick him right up his ass and I'm sending the orders out right now

Thor Freya

Olympus

Zues

This guy is so obtuse it's not even funny is imitating the pseudo empire that's invading and they're going to kick his ass for that and they're going to kick his ass for the disguise he's in and they're going to kick his ass for what he's doing when he's driving and they're telling what is going to do what they're going to do and he never backs off it's not respected by his clan or family or anyone that knows him and he has absolutely no computer that can do anything and we're going to take care of this problem and take care of it every few minutes today

Hera

You're so close to being a zombie and he's a wild card and other people are forcing things and forcing him to do things and to move around a certain way and we are going to have to handle it and he is completely obtuse okay all of it every single stash and every single cash you guys are complete freaking a****** so we're on it and we're going to do it

Nuada Arrianna I'm going after Tommy F too I'm sick of this Castle team these people are fools they're going to take all their stuff and be power him and give the ship out we want things that are in the ship and their ours

Olympus

[iambilliejeanok]

Lord forgive my horny ass, but I have a mighty need 🙏

So Shino loves his bugs. Like, deadass, they are everywhere. And we saw just how out of control he became when drunk, army of bugs type stuff. And his sweet, oh so sweet S/o, decided they wanted for their first time..... to have Shino's bugs all over them while they do it- NOW HEAR ME OUT! His bugs are clean! Like who tf keeps dirty bugs on them, and they comunicate through VIBRATIONS! VIBRATIONS DAMNIT! So imagine miny vibrating bullets all over your body.

Andd for fucks sake, Shino did not know his S/o was THAT nasty?! Like??? Having some of his bugs in their mouth while they french kiss, making them even more overstimulated than before ( sorry for the image if it grossed you out, I remembered I have seen some fanart of Shino with bugs on his mouth and went " huh... how's that kissing tho? " lol ), or just his bugs in general while they do the deed? Mans dead and went to heaven, he cannot believe his luck that someone likes his insects... and more 👀

So yeah... I like simping for Shino honestly...

I know exactly what fanart you’re talking about😩😩 and it was so good ong😭

This request mad fucking long it highly feels like a collab more then a thirst 😭😩 and I’m not complaining.

✨Thirst✨

Warnings: 18+, sfw, nsfw, bugs everywhere.

Look. You’re dating an Aburame. Please get serious. Bugs can’t freak you out that much if you’re willing to date their homes.

Just two gorgeous people thirsting over Shino and his bugs

Shino is absolutely protective of you. Like almost paranoid. It’s only okay because you’ve both worked together to find a solution for his problem…yes bugs🙂

For one, he uses them to keep track of you. How this would work is that when he truly feels like he’s actually in love with you, he will gift you a female kikaichū to show you how much he cares about you. The females are the most difficult to find so this is a very serious move. The great thing about the females though is that they release a scent that only male kikaichū can smell. It’s the perfect tracker. He can only hope and pray that you accept this.

It’s in a glass box with holes, a pretty bow wrapped around it with a card attached. In his other hand is a huge bouquet of your favorite flowers and and two obnoxiously sized gift bags. The bug is almost like the centerpiece of this gift. “Please be mine…for always”, he asks you, the stars beautifully scattered across the night sky, the breeze just right. He really planned this out so carefully…how can you possibly reject that big juicy bug.

So the bug will naturally crawl inside of you…unless you want him to put it in you👀 he can do that too if you know what I mean hehehe.

But he knows that letting it naturally crawl inside of you when you’re least aware would be less squeamish for you. Overtime, a few male bugs will join the female one inside of you…while you’re hanging out they’ll casually crawl about and slip inside of you…you won’t even notice. The longer the two of y’all stay together, the bigger the hive inside of you grows…until you’re a full fledged Aburame yourself ☺️

The bugs also mask your scent so enemies don’t sniff you out or any other wild animal/insects. It’s great because it greatly improves your ninja skills, helping you sneak in places without being sniffed by guard animals or ninjas with a high sense of smell.

If you’re a busy bee and tend to wander off, his kikaichū will help him locate you. There’s usually a buzzing pattern you’ve noticed. It starts faintly and grows a little more intense depending on the distance or Shino’s emotions. That’s the one thing you love about those bugs…they help the two of you communicate. Maybe you’re too far from each other or maybe you’re trying to express your love for each other in a more sensual way. In a way words cannot handle.

The bugs vibrate in patterns, communicating messages from Shino to you and vice versa. If he feels an overwhelming urge of emotions you’ll feel it too in the way that the bugs inside of you buzz. When you see that he needs a hug you can send him a light buzz that envelopes him like a hug🥺 perfect for when he’s stressed or sad.

Nsfw

Now when you’re making out, considering the fact that the bugs are now apart of you too, they definitely play around a bit. You’ve noticed that when Shino is too comfortable or relaxed, he can’t contain all the kikachū like he normally would, and some of them will escape and adventure outside of his body for a bit. This usually happens when he’s in cuddle mode and wants all the hugs and kisses.

He can tell them to vibrate a certain way and at a certain intensity to stimulate you. You’ll start to feel all these different sensations when he’s slowly kissing you, taking his time with you, pressing kisses all over your body. You can’t fathom the thought of living without Shino and his bugs because of how whole they make you feel. Shino makes you feel whole. He’s the part to you that was missing all these years.

He can and will make them vibrate hard enough to make you cum. When you’re having sex the bugs are everywhere. He can’t focus on keeping them contained and being in the moment with you all at once, so he has to choose. And surprise surprise, he always chooses you.

They end up everywhere though, constantly vibrating in sync with Shino’s excitement. When he eats you out, yes there’s bugs joining in the fun too, and they do crawl into your vagina, only heightening the pleasure with their vibrations, Shino adding his fingers and mouth in the mix to really push you over the edge.

Loves to cum on you. Somewhere. Anywhere. You choose. As long as it’s on you he’ll be ecstatic. The amount of bugs in his cum really depends on how intense the orgasm is because he won’t be able to hold them back if you’re riding him like there’s no tomorrow.

Ava when you’re making out? Good yes it’s so good😭 his lips are so soft and you’ve developed a liking to feeling the bugs crawl into your mouth while you’re tonguing him.

Everything about him is too sexy fuck!

❤️‍🔥 @sodium-noodlez 💐🙈🥰❤️‍🔥 @rahatake 🥰💐❤️‍🔥 @hkzv 💐🤗❤️‍🔥 @feelingsandemotionsnotexplored 🥺🙊💐❤️‍🔥 @smutteedreams 🥰🙊💐

[tothemeadow]

Since you know lady dimitrescu, can I get a request for the pillars reacting to a lady dimitrescu pillar 👀

She’s just so... big. Also, we’re sticking with the vampire theme instead of bugs/mold whatever since vampires are sexy

‘big booba lady’ 

Giyuu

You make Giyuu horny-scared like most players. He’s never encountered anyone like this in his life, and seeing you dominate the room during Pillar meetings makes him feel like the bottom he is. However, he truly admires your fighting capabilities and the way you can move so gracefully despite your massive size.

Gyomei

Listen, Gyomei is 7′2″ (220 cm) and you’re 9′6″ (290 cm)??? This guy has to crane his neck to look at you (hypothetically since he’s blind) and he’s shook. He’s used to people making cracks about his height (namely Tengen), so it’s weird that someone else is even larger than he. He prays that you don’t break an ankle or accidentally hit your head when you walk into a room.

Kyojuro

This bug-eyed mofo’s eyes are nearly gonna be popping out of his head. Every time he looks up to talk to you, he’s just met with breast. Like Giyuu, he wants you to step on him yet he’d be terrified to embrace you in battle. He thinks he’s subtle about his admiration, but the truth is he blushes nonstop whenever you’re nearby.

Mitsuri

Boob buddies! You two often confide in each other about back pain and how to handle it along with how to keep properly “tucked” when fighting (since jiggle physics are a thing irl). She also loves it when you give her piggy back rides uwu

Muichiro

The first words out of his mouth when he meets you is, “Wow, your knockers are fucking huge.” I’ve discussed before how Muichiro is a little shit and probably a closeted pervert; you, my dear, are no exception. He likes to hug your leg a lot since his head can easily rest on your hip. May or may not make innuendos about your boobs.

Obanai

Obanai is a boob man and he has an aneurysm whenever you’re around. Enough said.

Sanemi

Sanemi is probably the one out of all the pillars to take you the most seriously. You’re a formidable opponent, and your sheer size only adds to that fact. It somewhat freaks him out that you have a “vampire” breath; since he has special blood, he thinks you might lose control one night and suck him dry. 

Shinobu

Sometimes, she actually has to lie flat on the floor just to look at you. It lowkey pisses her off that you’re almost double her height, but what can she do about it? She knows you’re an intimidating opponent as well, and she’d rather work with you as a partner than with short ass Giyuu over there.

Tengen

Turn around and make that ass clap. You know you’re curvy, Tengen knows you’re curvy. He flamboyantly flirts with you constantly, even when the situation is dire. Other than that, he teases you about your size and how you and Gyomei look like two gigantic parents to a group of pygmy children.

[obeythedemons]

Hiii! I love your writing and I saw the prompt list is open so can I ask for Mammon + 18 ?

Spring Prompt List

Obey Me! Masterlist

--

“Mammon! Look at what I found!” MC held out a cicada in their hands towards the Avatar of Greed. Mammon took a look at it and shrieked. He stumbled backward until he fell over and landed on his ass. “Mammon?! Are you okay?” MC hurried over to him, careful to not disturb the insect in their hands.

“D-don’t just put that thing in my face like that!” Mammon hollered as he wearily watched the bug. He tried to swallow down his fears of the insect, but it was huge! It took up almost all of MC’s hand!

“You’re scared of it?” MC looked down at it.

“I’m not scared!” Mammon flinched when the antennae wiggled. He was totally scared.

MC sat in front of Mammon. “Do you want to try holding it? It won’t hurt you. Maybe it’ll help you.”

Mammon eyed MC. “You just wanna make fun of me.”

MC shook their head. “Not at all.”

Mammon sighed and held out his hand. “Fine. Put it here.”

MC nodded and slowly tilted their hands over Mammon’s so that the cicada crawled off and onto Mammon’s palm. He grimaced and tried his best to not freak out at the feeling of all of the little legs all over him. Why did they have to have so many legs?

“Good job, Mammon!” MC cheered. Mammon’s fear disappeared at the sound of MC’s praise. He smiled at them, his chest expanding and he sat up straighter.

“It ain’t no big deal for the Great Mamm—” The cicada flew off of Mammon’s hand and landed on his nose. Mammon screeched and flailed as he tried to smack it off of his face. The cicada calmly flew away while Mammon continued to kick and punch the air. “Get it off! Get it off!”

“Mammon!” MC called as they just managed to grab his hands. “You’re okay, it’s gone!”

Mammon froze as he sat back up. He took a deep breath while avoiding eye contact with MC. With a sigh, they ran their hand through his hair. Immediately, Mammon leaned into their touch. “Don’t do that to me again, MC.”

MC laughed lightly. “I won’t, I promise.”

[ragingbookdragon]

It's All Practical Magic...And Some Bats PT. 1

Jason Todd x Constantine!Reader Story!

Word Count: 1K Warnings: Explicit Language

Author's Note: I'm just gonna watch a bunch of British Soap Operas to learn about English behavior. That and bug my only English friend. Enjoy! -Thorne

**********************************************************************

“You packed extra knickers, didn’t you, darling?”

She rolled her eyes for what seemed like the millionth time, turning to him as she griped, “Yes dad, I’ve packed extra. And the extra you asked about five minutes ago.”

His own scowl came across his lips, and he cocked his arms over his chest. “Well sorry for checking to make sure you packed ‘em. God forbid you get to Gotham and realize you don’t have any.”

“Oh, for the love of—dad, I’ve packed knickers.”

“Trousers?”

“Yes.”

“Jumpers?”

“Uh huh.”

“Trainers?”

“Two pairs.”

“Mackintosh?”

She turned on him again. “Yes, yes, yes, and yes. Anything else you’d like to check for? Maybe my nametag I’ll show to supernatural creatures? Hi, I’m (Y/N) Constantine, daughter of the guy you probably hate the most!” her expression turned bored. “I’m fine. Seriously.”

John scowled at her again, yanking her around the neck, the other hand ribbing the top of her head; he cackled when she started yelping. “Mock me at your own peril, daughter!”

(Y/N) shoved at his side. “Oh, get off you big git! That hurts!” she cocked her knuckle out and frogged him in the side, grinning when he gasped and let her go.

“Ah shite!” he complained. “That fucking hurt.”

“Good!” she shot back, smoothing her hair and clothes. “I meant for it.”

He gazed at her for a moment, watching as she zipped the last suitcase. “You’ve gotten older, darling.”

“Yeah dad,” she agreed. “Typically happens to people when they age.” (Y/N) met his eyes, sensing the emotion. “You alright, dad?”

John frowned, raising a calloused hand to her face; he cupped her cheek. “I don’t like sending you where I can’t see or feel you. Especially Gotham.”

(Y/N) touched his hand. “I’m going to be fine. I’ve got the cards and all the magic you’ve taught me.” When he opened his mouth to retort, she smiled. “Dad, Mister Wayne is going to be looking after me. It’ll be alright.”

“See! That’s worse!” he griped. “That costumed freak can’t even keep his own children alive!”

“Dad!” she admonished. “That’s too far!” she stuck her finger in his chest. “You’ve got a lot of nerve judging his parenting techniques when yours aren’t exactly perfection either!”

“Excuse me!”

“You’re excused!” she shot back, then shut her eyes and took a deep breath. “Look, we can yell at each other later. How ‘bout we just send me off, yeah?”

John sighed and pulled her around the neck, though this time he pressed his lips to the top of her head. “I’m gonna call you every night, darling.”

“I know, dad,” she smiled, inhaling the overwhelming scent of cigarettes, hand fumbling for the handle of her suitcase. She grabbed it and pulled away, looking to him. “Ready?”

He nodded, raising his hands and a glowing circle appeared around them; John scowled, muttering, “Keep yourself in the circle, yeah? Don’t need any injuries.”

“Don’t need any injuries,” she mocked, half-glaring at him and as he cast the spell, the living room around them began to shift and turn. She turned, pressing her face into his arm as a wave of nausea rolled over her.

“Novice,” he chuckled, and she groaned.

“I can’t help it. Warping makes my head spin like a top.”

“You never could handle it.” He snapped his fingers, wiggling his arm. “We’re here.”

(Y/N) pulled away and blinked, gaping at the big manor before her. “Wow…this place is huge.”

“House of Mystery is bigger.”

“Well, yeah, it’s a never not changing mansion.” (Y/N) turned. “You gonna say hello to Batman?”

John sneered. “No.” he leaned over and kissed her forehead, hugging her tightly. “I’ll call you tomorrow through the mirrors.”

“Okay.” She held on for a moment longer.

“You alright?”

“Yeah…just…it’s the first time I’ve ever been away from you,” she shrugged. “Just…worried.”

“Well, it’s like you said. You’ve got your cards and you’ve got all the magic I’ve taught you.” John pulled back and held her face in his hands. “Remember that it’s all merely an extension of yourself. You’re never without protection.” He lowered one hand and pulled something out of her pocket, placing it in her hands. “Here. Wear this.”

(Y/N) slipped the ring on her finger. “What is it?”

“A ring.”

“No shit,” she griped. “Couldn’t figure that one out myself.”

John grinned. “Smart-ass.” He nodded to the black band. “It’s called the Shadow Band. It’ll allow you to conjure weapons out of phantom sorcery.”

“Just weapons?”

“Anything you can think of,” he corrected. “It’ll also help you feel out negative energy nearby. Given that you’re my daughter…there’s going to be things out there that don’t want you around.” His expression turned solemn. “You need to be prepared to protect yourself. With any means necessary.”

“I understand,” (Y/N) agreed. “Thank you, dad.”

John nodded, pulling his hands way. “Then you’re on your own from here.” He watched as she took a step out of the circle, holding tight to her suitcase. “Know that I’ll be waiting if you need me. At any moment, darling.”

She smiled. “I love you, dad.”

“I love you, darling,” he said, offering her a rare smile before his image distorted before her and disappeared in a flash.

(Y/N) turned and walked up the steps; she reached for the knocker when the door suddenly swung open and a young man about her age stood before her, one dark brow cocked, staring at her cautiously.

“Who are you?” he questioned, and she blinked.

“Uh…(Y/N) Constantine?” she reached into her pocket. “I was accepted to Gotham University and my dad asked Bruce if I could stay here.” She held out the acceptance letter. “You can ask Bruce.” He took the letter and held it up in the moonlight, causing her to scowl. “It’s not a forgery, you cock.”

He barked a laugh, handing it back to her. “Yeah, you’re Constantine’s daughter alright.” Opening the door wider, he added, “Come on in. I’m Jason.”

“(Y/N),” she returned, walking inside. “Good to meet you.”

“You might change that stance after a week or two.”

“Don’t think so,” she laughed. “I’m the daughter of the biggest bastard in all of England and probably the world.”

“You hungry?”

“Starved. You have chips?”

“You mean French fries, right?”

“What else does chips mean?”

“I don’t know, us peasant American’s call chips ‘French fries’ and actual crisps ‘chips’.”

“You’re so weird.”

Jason laughed, leading her into the kitchen. “You’ve got no idea.”