#Back to Square One

[straycatj]

ねるです

I'm going to sleep ...

なんか来たですよ

Something comes

なんです？

What's the matter?

行ったです

He goes...

じゃ、ねるです

Then, I'm going to sleep

[summerwages]

black swifts flying low...

[msromanis]

[111lustforlife]

if you're wondering how long until it stops hurting

it never does.

you will go through life as if it never happened, you might even think you're over it at some point.

just until it all crashes down on you on a random night.

and you're back at it again. back to square one.

[sierrawitch]

Tumblr, I beseech you. Update the platform with an autosave feature. I was in the middle of writing a post when the app crashed and I lost paragraphs of information. My photographic memory is good, but it is not that good.

[boxwinebaddie]

*hacker vc* I’m In. 😎

[pernillecfcw]

I don’t understand these owners one bit honestly and we are just gonna keep going through this cycle of managers it’s just pathetic at this point like just stick with the manager and let them have more control on signings 💀

[aasshleyyyyyy]

I'm actually so ugly, and yet I had the audacity to feel confident these past few days... hats off to me, I guess.

[someguyingotham]

i robbed a bank and the clerk cried because it was the first “normal robbery” she had. like no laughing/fear gas, no coin tosses, no bizzare magical abilities? she was so happy i ended up feeling bad and gave her the money back

[ticklishcitrus]

hurts when you finally you thought you found your person and it turns out they are like everyone else

[dick-meister]

"...I love morning cuddles. Yay."

[jessaerys]

crying.... apartiment.... please

[nonbinary-cryptid-baby]

Got the flu and lost all of the weight I finally fucking put on

[scarl3ttjpg]

Back to Square One (08)

I sat on the couch, watching the time pass by. I was growing more and more nervous with every minute that passed. What could he possibly want to talk to me about? I thought he still hated me, just like the rest of his group.

I scrolled through my 'for you page' on TikTok for a while, the sound of Clyde's snoring beginning to get on my last nerve. How could he still be asleep right now? It's already well after noon. And how can he snore so damn loudly? I let out a sigh, knowing that there was no way in hell that my brother would be waking up by the time Stan got here. I set my phone down on the couch cushion next to me and leaned my head back, closing my eyes. I just wanted to get this over with. If Stan was coming here to make my life a living hell, I just wished he would come and get it over with already.

I picked up my phone after what felt like an eternity of waiting only to see that just a few minutes had passed. It was still only 1:52. I sighed again and leaned my head back, but the doorbell ringing caused me to jump. I stood up and carefully peeked out the window to see Stan standing on the doorstep. He had his hands shoved in his shorts pockets, a slight sunburn visible on his face and shoulders. I opened the door with caution and looked him up and down before speaking.

"You're early." He raised an eyebrow at me statement, as if he hadn't expected me to actually acknowledge him.

"I figured you wouldn't mind. I didn't think you'd be doing anything other than being hungover."

I shrugged. He wasn't wrong there. I opened the door wider and stepped out of the way, gesturing for him to come in out of the heat. Stan quickly took me up on that offer, letting out a small sigh of relief at the air conditioning in my house.

I made my way back to the couch I had been waiting on, and gestured for him to sit on another chair. I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow at him.

"Well? What was so important that you just had to talk to me in person?" Yikes, that came out a little harsher than I had intended. "I mean, all I'm saying is that if you want to remind me of how shitty you think I am, believe me. I already know."

Stan stayed quiet for a moment, collecting his thoughts. After a few long seconds, he spoke.

"I'm going to be honest, Y/N, I'm kind of over what happened. I don't even really know the full story, so I never exactly had the right to get so pissed about it. Tweek and Craig, I don't think they ever even cared in the first place, so they've definitely gotten over it too. Kenny's pretty much on the same page as me." He sighed before continuing. "Literally the only person still butthurt over all of that is Kyle."

I remained silent. I hadn't expected this to be the conversation I'd been dreading all morning. I don't even know how to respond, but thankfully Stan fills the silence by continuing.

"I'm sure that you of all people know how manipulative Cartman is. I don't know if he told Kyle something different than everyone else, but Kyle was always the most pissed for some reason."

"I really didn't even do anything. I don't know what Cartman told anyone, let alone Kyle," I finally responded. Stan seemed surprised by my answer. "Remember? Everyone kind of cut me off and stopped talking to me like that," I snapped my fingers. "Nobody took the time to tell me why they were mad at me or what I did wrong."

"Oh," Stan replied. He looked truly sympathetic; a refreshing change from the coldness he gave me not even a full day ago. "Remember playing that stupid stick game? How it all ended because Clyde stole the stick and you helped him build an army to protect it? Cartman convinced everyone that it was all your idea, that you were some kind of evil mastermind. He said that Clyde was following you the whole time, and that it was your plan from the beginning to sabotage the game."

I looked at him in shock, unable to find the words to respond.

"He basically convinced everyone that the only thing you do is lie and cheat to get what you want," he continued. "Since we were in elementary school and pretty stupid, nobody questioned him. In hindsight, I really wish we would have." Stan looked at the mix of emotions on my face before adding on one more thing. "I'm pretty sure he said something different to Kyle, though. I have no idea what that could have been, though."

I still had no words. I didn't even know what emotion I was feeling. I didn't know if I wanted to scream, or break something, or cry, or all three all at once. All I could feel was rage boiling in the pit of my stomach. I took a couple of deep breaths before even attempting to respond to all of this.

"Well, I didn't plan any of that. I only helped my brother because I knew that if he wasn't allowed to play anymore, then I sure as hell wouldn't be able to either. And I don't know what he could have possibly told Kyle, and frankly, I don't care." I took another deep breath, not wanting to let all of my anger out on the messenger. "If Kyle wants to see me as somebody worse than Cartman? That's his own problem."

"Look, I didn't come here to fix your friendship. I just thought you deserved an explanation. Also, Wendy kind of explained your side of what happened after I left the party and I feel bad for treating you like shit all these years." Stan glanced around as he spoke the last part, but I could hear the sincerity in his voice.

We sat in silence for another moment before Stan cleared his throat and stood up. "Well, I should probably go now. Um, thanks for letting me explain, I guess." He nodded at his own words and made his way back to the door, zipping his coat again.

"Stan," I said. He stopped and looked at me, hand resting on the doorknob. "Thank you. For giving me another chance. If you do happen to find out what he told Kyle... Could you let me know? Please?" I paused for a second, debating if I should continue. But, you know, fuck it we ball. "I miss having you guys as friends. I hope we can all get there again at some point."

Stan nodded at me, silently agreeing. He pulled the door open, stepped back out into the muggy air, and walked around to the passenger side of the car parked on the road. I squinted to see who the driver was, and I couldn't help but smile when I saw that Wendy was giving me a thumbs-up before taking off down the road.

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[npdlangley]

he's mad :-/

[sadbeautifutragic]

one thing about me is if i start an edit i'm going to start over at least twice