#Basically bad bad anxiety that is ruining my life

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[opheliac]

i actually really did fuck myself for realsies. i am truly starting from the bottom of the abyss. this is where i can make the choice to continue letting it unravel and get even worse or i could try to build up again. neither sounds attractive. i'm paralyzed by so much anxiety in my body and mind and i can't make any decisions for myself. i can't believe i fell back down to this point again. i start classes so soon, if i can afford it. so much of my future is so uncertain. my health is in shambles but how much of it really is attributed to my mental illness (likely a good portion of it). i really did isolate myself so much from others that i have strengthened absolutely none of my connections and instead have either strained or completely damaged them. i have no one close to me anymore that i am able to go to because i abused the empathy. i completely fucked it. what i really want is a hug and to have a friend stay the night with me so i feel less alone but i lost that privilege. this whole summer has been horrible, nothing like i anticipated. and i really really don't know what to do from here.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for complimenting my friend behind her back?

🙎‍♀️

I have 2 friends. We’re all in our 20’s. Mary* and Suzy* are both my friend but have history. I’m close to Mary even though I’ve known Suzy same amount of time, but Suzy and I have recently started to hang out more.

I know both girls aren’t giving me the full drama what happen when I ask. Basically they use to be friends and then Suzy ghosted Mary. Suzy told me they were friends, but Mary started using her as a a punching bag and Suzy let it go on for too long and no longer wanted to be her friend. She didn’t offer repair of their relationship because she thought the friendship had runned its course. What I don’t know is what was Mary doing? Like what are some examples. Mary tells me Suzy just stopped talking to her one day and started hanging out with more “sucessful” people. Suzy has always been an extrovert while Mary likes to stay in more.

Anyway I’ve been hanging out with Suzy a lot. She often accommodates me (drives me, or pays for the Uber) she’ll often buy my meal. Suzy also has a lot of good anxiety advice which I was suprised about and she’s a good listener. It makes me sad that she doesn’t like Mary because I think Mary does need someone like Suzy in her life. I know Suzy has a little more deeper feelings than just “we were done so I just left” because it seems like reconnection is not an option. I just feel like Suzy doesn’t want to paint Mary in a bad light because she knows Mary and I are friends.

I have mentioned reconnection but Suzy always declines. Mary secretly not out right but has expressed she wouldn’t mind reconnecting with Suzy. Shes said “maybe we should all get together sometime.” Shell ask if Suzy talks about her (she doesn’t).

I was able to get them together a few times for a few events. Suzy was very surface level with her just asking her how she is but not getting deep. Mary had actual said a few passive things about herself and Suzy. Suzy wouldn’t respond to the passive aggressive to herself or she would say something postive about Mary when Mary was self deprecating.

At my last event Suzy got drunk and Mary had offered to drive her home since Mary was sober. It was like Mary had genuinely wanted to talk to her alone and maybe clear the air. Suzy declined her offer four times (she was getting an Uber)

After that event Suzy had told me she doesn’t really want to see Mary and I asked her why and she said she just doesn’t like being around her. I tried to pry a little more and Suzy just told me she very much values my friendship but doesn’t want to hangout with Mary.

Mary has actually been mad that Suzy didn’t accept her car ride offer home. Mary was mad that Suzy would rather pay an overpriced cab than spend a 20 minute car ride with her. That I understood. But then Mary started going deeper saying that Suzy isn’t smart with her money and has always been stuck up, that she would rather Suzy be hateful to her face and not behind her back, and that Suzy is just a coward.

I felt bad because I know Mary has unresolved feelings about Suzy, but I realized that Suzy had probably been keeping the peace for me.

My next hang out with Mary she was digging into Suzy’s character saying she drinks too much and partied too much. I told Mary she doesn’t give Suzy enough credit, Suzy is very understanding and kind and generous and that her partying and drinking doesn’t make her a bad person. Mary went quiet.

Mary didn’t talk to me for a week and then apologized. She said Suzy is a sore subject and that me being friends with her is hard because she wishes she could ask me not to be friends with her but won’t because Suzy does make me happy and it seems like Suzy isn’t actively out to ruin our friendship. She doesn’t want to hear about Suzy when we’re together.

I feel bad because it wasn’t until early in my reconnection with Suzy I knew she was a sore spot for Mary. I thought if I got them together they could be friends again, but the more Suzy backs away the more Mary gets angry, and I don’t know whose really justified since they both don’t tell me full stories. But I also feel like I really triggered Mary when I defended Suzy because I had known she felt rough about that rejection and I just didn’t let her vent on it .

[intoanotherworld23]

His Behind The Camera

Pairing: Reader x Joel Miller

Warnings: MATURE CONTENT NSFW 18+ ONLY. This series is basically going to be all smut and sex, since it’s going to be about porn so you have been warned. Each chapter will be marked though with warnings

Length: 3695 words

Summary: It’s a life that you never thought you’d have, but you’re desperate and you need the money. That’s how you get into the adult film industry, and your first movie is with the devastatingly handsome Joel Miller

Check out my other Pedro Pascal works

Taking a deep breath as you tried to control your heart rate. Your palms overly sweaty, and your fingers constantly twitching. Heart racing a million beats per second.Right now was not the time to have an anxiety attack though.

Looking in the mirror at your over the top makeup, and extra curly hair. The silk robe covering your body did nothing to stop the chills running up and down your body.

It was too late to back out now, and you really needed this money. Besides this wouldn’t be so bad you’d get to have sex with attractive people, and get paid for it. A lot better than working at an stuffy office with a fat bald man hitting on you as a boss.

They let you take a shot of hard liquor just to calm your nerves. They wanted this movie to be good, and wanted all the ratings. Not wanting to ruin it by shaking like a leaf the whole time.

"They’re ready for you Y/N." Someone with a headset popped their head in real quick giving you a nod.

"Thanks." Mumbling as you turned back around.

The silence in the room was making things even worse. Like all you could hear were your thoughts , and it wasn't making things better.

Standing up as you pinched the ends of the sleeves with your fingers. Walking towards where all the camera crew was standing around. Looking at the staged room that was all white. White bed. White sheets. White walls. Even white carpet.

It was almost blinding as you anxiously waited for your co star to walk onto set. All you know his name is Joel Miller, and all the women even some men loved him. You've never done anything like this, and you didn't want to disappoint.

"Alright there's our man." The director clapped his hands as you saw Joel walking towards you. "You all set?"

"Sure thing." He smiled as he disrobed himself making you drool.

This man was more beautiful then what you thought. His body was muscular and fit, and you could see his lower tummy pouch. He looked incredible. Looking at his face all you wanted to do was place your mouth on his plump ones.

He was a little older than you expected, but that didn’t change anything. Looking at him you could see the gray hairs poking out from the top of his head. His hair was perfectly ruffled though like he just got done brushing his fingers through it. For someone who was older he looked damn good.

Feeling your panties becoming a little wet at just the sight of him. This man was literally sex on two legs. You could probably cum at just the sound of his voice. Just him being in your presence was enough to intimidate you.

Now you were even more nervous having a man like this in front of you. Your mouth probably hanging wide open like an idiot as you stared at him.

"Joel you've met Y/N." The director nodded towards you making Joel turn his attention at you.

Smiling widely once he took one look at you. It made you feel a little more confident seeing he was just as affected by your presence as you were his.

"Not yet but I'm glad I get someone absolutely damn gorgeous to work with." He winked your cheeks heating up. "First time?"

"That obvious huh?" Lightly chuckling making him smile even bigger.

"Nah you'll do just fine." He waved his hand in a swift motion. "First time is always the hardest."

"How long have you been doing this?" You asked timidly. "Porn I mean."

"Ah well I've been doing this for I would say six years now." Placing both hands on his hips as he looked at you. "But I've been fucking since I was sixteen."

He's probably slept with some of the worlds most beautiful and sexy women, and yet they stick him with you. You didn't feel like you could ever compete with any of those women. Now you were going to have to step up your game.

"I've heard a lot of good things about you." Almost smacking yourself in the face for that stupid line. "I just mean."

"No it's all good."

He chuckled at how shy you became. Thinking to himself how fun this was going to be, and the wild thoughts of turning you into a sex crazed animal.

"I don't watch porn." That was clearly a lie. His eyebrows scrunched down.

"No way you don't watch porn." He said in disbelief. "I mean everyone watches at least one porn movie in their life."

"Nope not me." Shaking your head trying to maintain your confidence. "I prefer the real thing."

"That's my girl." Your body melting when he said that, but you knew you would never become his girl.

Porn wasn't something you ever saw yourself doing. You enjoyed sex a lot, but never thought you would be getting paid to do it. Nobody was paying well, and this was pretty much your only option.

Nobody knew about this only your best friend, and she told you this was a bad idea. You told yourself you would only do a couple movies, and that would be it. Judging by who you would be working with it seems that wouldn't be the case.

This wasn't something that you were going to get into. Get the money and get the hell out of there. You were surprised they even considered someone like you. No auditions or anything. They took one look at you, and asked how soon could you start.

"You ready Y/N?"

A voice broke you from your thoughts. Turning to the set to see everyone staring at you. There was a lot more people coming into the room and walking by then you thought. Gulping so loud that everyone could probably hear it.

"Oh yeah sorry." Squealing sheepishly as you jogged to everyone.

"Alright if you'll just remove your robe we can get started." Hearing that had your heart racing, and your stomach churning at the thought of getting naked in front of everyone.

The scenario was that you were at home sleeping the bed, and your husband came home early. Only to see you laying there in your bra and panties, and then he would have sex with you. It was stupid and cliche, but this was also your first movie.

Slowly pulling the thin material off your body and kicking it to the side. Goosebumps appeared on your skin. Expecting everyone to be looking at your body and judging.

The thing is nobody was looking at you. They were so focused on doing their parts they weren't even staring. They were used to naked bodies walking around the set all the time. You could feel a pair of eyes staring at you though.

Looking straight ahead you saw Joel devouring you with his eyes. They were blown full of lust and wide with dark desires. Your skin felt tingly seeing him look at you like that. No man has ever looked at you the way Joel was right now.

Maybe you were reading too much into it, but he seemed way to excited to be doing this with you. Almost like this was something he had been praying for, and he was going to get what he wanted.

"You can get into bed and then we’ll begin." People shuffled around getting into position.

You stayed their frozen like your feet were stuck, and you couldn't move. This was what stage fright must feel like. Trying to hype yourself up to just get it over with, and telling yourself it wasn't going to be that bad.

This was actually happening and there was no turning back now. You just had to suck it up, and tell yourself the money was going to be worth it. It would be all over soon.

"God I can't wait to feel how tight you are." A deep voice growled in your ear.

Turning around to see Joel walk by with a huge grin on his face. He just wanted to help get you more in the mood, and think of things to make you less nervous. He remembered his first time and how incredibly nervous he was.

Your thighs tempted to squeeze shut so you could now relieve the pressure between your legs. This man got you all hot and heavy, and he hasn't even touched you yet. Just thinking of the things he could do in bed.

Laying on top of the bed they helped get you into the perfect position. Trying to find the right place to put your hands, and where to move your legs. Moving some of your hair up front to make it look more realistic.

Hearing the quiet chatter of the crew as they got everything finalized. Closing your eyes as you felt a bright light shine down on the set making you jump slightly.

This was it this was go time. Millions of people were going to see you at your most vulnerable. Millions of people were going to see parts of you even your own boyfriends didn't get to see.

"And action."

——————————————

"Oh fuck yes." Moaning as you arched your back on top of Joel. His hands on your hips. "Right there."

"Feel good baby?" Joel mumbled as his hands reached up to grab your bouncing breasts. Pinching your nipples between his fingers.

"Yes so good." Crying out as your nails raked down his chest leaving marks.

Leaning his body forward so his mouth could attach to your nipple. Sucking and biting on the hard nub making you kiss the top of his head as your fingers raked through the sides of his hair.

His mouth moving from one breast to the other groaning to himself. Suckling on your nipples like they were candy, and he was savoring the taste. Leaving a string of saliva as he leaned back down. Feeling a cold breeze hit your nipples making a shiver run up your spine.

Looking briefly over to see a camera man focusing on where his cock as disappearing inside you. Trying not to suddenly get shy knowing he was just right there looking at your most intimate parts.

"Focus on me baby." Whispering softy into ear turning your attention back to him seeing you start to panic with the camera right there. "Focus on my cock."

His hips meeting your thrusts digging his cock deeper inside of you. Pussy clenching around his cock as you felt yourself getting closer and closer to the edge. He knew you were getting closer to judging by the expression on your face and body language.

"So fuckin tight for me baby." Growling as he looked to where you two were connected. "Fuck this pussy so good."

Moaning at his words as you focused on your own pleasure. Forehead sweating the heat that was enveloping the both of you. Cheeks clapping against his upper thighs, and pussy making squishy sounds from how wet you were.

Looking down at him you watched as the veins in his neck were popping out. His neck and chest were turning a slight shade of red, and he kept licking his lips as he looked at you.

"Gonna fuck you until you can't walk." Snarling between his teeth as his hands smacked your ass making you squeal. "Pussy is all mine."

Rotating your hips in figure eights making his mouth hang open. His head thrown back in utter ecstasy as he tried to control his breathing. Bending his knees as he drilled up inside of you making you scream.

"Shit shit shit." Hands gripping his wrists as he kept his rough movements at a steady pace.

"Such a good girl for me baby." Hands placed on your back pushing your chest on top of his. "Taking my cock so well."

Turning your head to side as he placed his lips on your neck sucking on your skin. Mouth wide open as little whimpers slipped past your lips. Your hands on either side of head as you would drop your hips down on his cock.

"Feels so fucking good Joel." Crying out as you felt him thrusting his hips up at an all new angle.

Whispering absolute filth in your ear as your legs were starting to get sore. Feeling you slow down his hands gripped your ass cheeks squeezing them as he used them as leverage to go harder slamming you down on his cock.

His pelvis was rubbing up against your clit making you see stars. Your senses were becoming overwhelmed, and you were so close you could taste it.

"Squeeze that tight little pussy for me." Smirking against your skin as his hands moved up and down your body.

Taking your bottom lip between your teeth as you kept whining in euphoria. You've had amazing sex before, but this felt so much different and better. It seemed too like he was enjoying this more than you.

Hands smacking your ass encouraging you to fully let go of yourself. Surely whenever you two were done your body would be covered in marks and small bruises.

Closing your eyes as your pussy clenched around his cock hard making him groan. His cock twitching inside of you letting you know he was close to orgasm.

"Stand up for me baby." He stopped he movements indicating for you to get up. "Lay on your back.

You knew exactly what he was wanting to do. Without wasting another second you stood up on wobbly legs, and rolled onto your back. Watching as he pumped his cock fast while looking up and down your body.

The noises coming out of his mouth were almost animalistic. He was getting close and he was wanting to cum all over your mouth. Preparing for his load you opened your mouth with your tongue hanging out. Grabbing your breasts to entice him even more.

That seemed to do the trick as you looked down to see cum leaking out of his tip. His thick veins popping up along his length. Sweat forming on his brows, and his chest was heaving up and down.

"Oh fuck yeah baby gonna cum all over that perfect face." Growling as he pumped himself even harder one hand on his hip.

Closing your eyes as you felt drops of cum hit your mouth and around your mouth. Moaning as best you could as he jacked himself off until every last bit of him was empty. Licking your lips as you swallowed his load tasting the saltiness.

"And cut." The directors voice snapped you from your euphoric state.

“Good job guys.”

Looking over you saw all the camera crew putting there stuff down. Breathing heavily as were slowly coming down from your high. It hitting you that you just made your first adult film. Laying there frozen unsure what to do.

"You were fucking amazing." Joel complimented you with a smile as he stood up his limp cock just hanging there.

Someone came over and handed him a bottle of water along with a towel. Watching as a took a large swig gulping as he did. Wiping the sweat from his forehead, and you just watched like a creep.

"We'll definitely have to do this again." He joked making you giggle.

"Yeah absolutely that was just wow." Exclaiming as you licked your lips but your mouth was extremely dry.

"Never had a woman ride me like that." He shook his head in disbelief as he looked your body up and down again.

"Really?" A part of you didn't believe him thinking he was just being nice.

"Fuckin A." Sitting up as you grabbed the sheets covering yourself not liking being so exposed. "I almost came like three times."

"You we're pretty good too." You joshed making him chuckle.

"Sure you've never done an adult film before?" He quirked his eyebrows at you in question.

"Yeah I'm pretty sure." You nodded your head giggling. "Unless someone secretly recorded me and took all the money."

"If you were my girl I would sure as hell be recording me tearing that pussy up." He groaned and he took another drink of water before walking away.

Sitting there stunned watching as he grabbed a robe, and went into his dressing room. Exhaling before you stood up awkwardly walking across the set to your dressing room. Ignoring the gazes being thrown your way.

Shutting the door behind you looking in the mirror at your naked body. Looking at all the marks he left on your hips and backside. Almost dying inside when you saw you still had his cum around your mouth.

Grabbing a towel wiping the white substance off your mouth. Feeling slightly embarrassed that you talked to him with his load on your face still. Although he was probably used to stuff like that. It didn't seem things like that bothered him at all.

Thinking about his words from earlier saying how if you were his girl. Wondering what it would be like to be his girl. He was probably a very affectionate and hands on type of boyfriend. He probably had an insatiable appetite when it came to sex.

"Y/N?" You heard on the other side of your door along with a light knock.

"Just a minute." You responded as you grabbed a robe and quickly placed it over yourself. "Alright come in."

One of the directors popped their head in making you internally groan. They probably were going to tell you they didn't want you to do anymore films with them. Your confidence was suddenly declining waiting to hear.

"You were fantastic out there." He complimented you as he walked into the room. "I mean absolutely superb."

"Thank you." Smiling from ear to ear hearing such positive feedback.

"In fact you were so good Joel wants to do another film with you." Putting both his thumbs up.

"Wow I mean yeah I would be more than happy to." Nodding your head so fast it might fall off.

"Great well give him the good news and have the schedule up by tomorrow." He gave a huge smile before he walked out the room.

Sitting down in the chair you couldn't help but feel giddy now. One of the most desired men in this world wanted to do another film with you. He liked doing it with you so much he immediately told them he had to do another take.

It all felt like a dream in this moment. Pinching yourself thinking none of this was real. Feeling like you were on top, and you were indestructible. You felt so powerful that you could take on the world.

Your thoughts interrupted again as a knock came from the door. Straightening yourself out hoping it was Joel on the other side. Wiping your teeth and clearing your throat before swinging the door open.

"Hi there." To your surprise it wasn't Joel, but standing on the other side was a extremely fit, tall bald man. He was showing off his pearly white teeth.

This man was like a hunk of meaty goodness standing in front of you. A little bit of drool escaped your lips as you stared at the handsome figure.

"Hi." You squeaked out feeling your cheeks go up in flames at his gaze. "I'm Y/N."

"Nice to meet you Y/N the names Johnny Sins." As soon as you heard that name it sounded so familiar. Then you realized he was one of americas most famous porn stars besides Joel.

"The Johnny Sins?" Voice cracking as you looked at him in disbelief.

"You've got it babe." He winked making you smile awkwardly looking towards the ground. "Nice to meet a fan."

"I mean we'll everyone knows who you are." Trying to cover up with a cough at basically admitting you've watched his films.

"I just wanted to say nice work out there." Nodding his head towards the set making your eyes go wide.

"You watched me?" Spitting out making him chuckle.

"Yeah I did and I gotta say I'm really impressed." Crossing his arms across his chest and he stood a little closer. "Never seen a woman move like you do."

"Oh well you know when you've got talent you can't let them go to waste." Your words making his grin at you.

"Thank god you didn't let them go to waste." He shook his head as he looked your body up and down. Stopping at your chest looking down to see your breasts were exposed.

"Yeah thank god." Swiftly covering up your chest making him smirk.

Feeling yourself becoming nervous under his intense stare. He looked like at any moment he was ready to pounce on top of you. His smiled was wicked and devilish like he had something up his sleeve.

The tension was so thick between you two you could cut it with a knife. The look he had in his eyes was one of primal desire. It was almost nerve wracking how much sensuality the man oozed.

Sure it was nothing like what you felt with Joel, but still this man was something else. Joel was way better looking in your opinion, and you quite honestly didn't want to do another film with anyone else but him.

"Well it was nice meeting you." Lifting his hand up to shake you placed your hand in his.

"You as well." Smiling politely but not before he pulled your body slightly towards his making you gasp.

"God I can't wait to do a film with you." He groaned as he leaned forward and kissed right below your ear making your breath shudder.

Turning around and shutting the door behind him. Leaning up against the door holding yourself up. Taking a huge deep breath in and out. Putting a hand over your chest as you felt your heart racing again.

Looking back in the mirror at yourself your makeup smeared, and your hair wild. It was an image that you were probably gonna have to get used to seeing.

[redclercs]

DELICATE✰ CHARLES LECLERC.

xi.it’s okay we’re the best of friends

— the one where all you do is think about the feelings that you hide.

warnings: guys, my brain was failing during this so not really proofread, also please pretend the dress is the same in both pics lol, alcohol consumption. 2.5k words.

currently playing: drive by halsey!

masterlist ✢ next

Liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz55, mati.bassi, tchalamet and others.

View comments

softyn FIRST POST SINCE MAY AND MOTHER WANTS US DEAD

ynstars I LOVE YOU SO MUCH SLAY

aid4anfeels ugly bitch

lecsainz516 whose wedding is this, charles and carlos were there too

formulayn did @/charles_leclerc take these?

liked by charles_leclerc

THE COMMENTS FOR THIS POST ARE LIMITED.

August 5th, Madrid, Spain.

WHEN Charles said you needed to make new memories in Spain to replace the bad ones, you didn’t have a wedding in mind. However, with the rollercoaster that is your life as of lately, you don’t swim against the current anymore. Just going with it is not a bad way to live when you’re still trying to reach the surface and get away from the wreckage.

Things aren’t good. Not yet. The press is still having a field day with all that he said, she said merry go round. Aidan and Victoria are fighting to play the victim and Mia Kim is on a mission to paint you as the worst sister-in-law who could have ever existed. Which, to be fair, paints her in a weird Freudian light.

But things are better than they were the last time you were in Spain. And that’s something to be grateful for.

“Are you sure?” You asked Charles on FaceTime for the third time that night two weeks ago, he had just asked you to be his plus one to one of his Ferrari mates’ wedding. “Are you a hundred percent sure they won’t mind?”

The last thing you wanted was to feel like an intruder, and with the type of attention you carry around like a dark cloud over your head, ruining someone’s special day was not an experience you wanted to add to your repertoire.

“Of course they won’t mind, soleil.” Charles assured, he was still in Hungary after the Grand Prix. “Tommaso told me I could bring anyone, and I want to bring you.”

The last time you saw Charles in person was in New York City, almost two months ago. It doesn't mean, of course, that you stopped communicating. Whenever Charles is on his phone, you can be certain you'll receive a text, a picture or a random iMessage drawing. You handle time zones as best you can without sacrificing too much sleep time, especially for the one who has to drive a car at 300 km/hr.

Although he insisted on you coming to any Grand Prix of your choice, you thought it best to stay away from the paddock for a while. Plus, you had some work to do. You didn't love Talk Shows while promoting, most hosts did horrible, unfunny jokes, and you were the butt of a lot of them, but if being in some of them helped you to speak about your situation and dismiss whatever rumor Victoria, Aidan or Mia (or just about half the internet) had going on, you were willing to make the sacrifice.

You were also willing to attend a complete stranger's wedding just to see Charles again, but you didn't want to give that thought the depth it demanded from you. Not in the seven hour flight from New York to Madrid, and not now, as you're getting ready for Charles to pick you up to go to the wedding.

Your blue dress is frankly magnificent, and you are aware of how good you look, but it doesn't hurt that the first thing Charles does when the doors to the lift open, is compliment you. Well, to be fair, the first thing he does is gather his thoughts and try not to feel stupid after basically picking his jaw up from the floor.

"You look gorgeous," Charles says, clearing his throat. His sudden anxiety makes you chuckle, as his Adam's apple bobs up his neck. "I missed you so much, soleil."

You are mildly disappointed when he doesn't hug you the way he did back in New York, and you dismiss the feeling almost as quickly as it appeared. Although his words linger in the air, he missed you, and you did too.

"I don't want to ruin your hair," he explains, as if he's read your mind, and smiles wider.

"Right," you shake your head, it was obvious. "You look pretty good yourself, Charlie," you add, always trying to return the compliment, and only managing to make it awkward.

There is something about men in suits that makes them twice as attractive, and it's unfair when it comes to someone like Charles, who is already way too handsome as it is.

"Thank you," Charles is always nice enough to accept your half-assed, anxiety induced compliments. "Shall we?"

You nod, and when he offers his arm to lead you to the car, you link yours through it taking a breath so deep, it makes your lungs ache.

"Do you like weddings?" Charles asks as the engine of his car roars to life. A red Ferrari is the only way you manage to describe it, afraid of getting details wrong. Although you're certain Charles would patiently explain anything you needed to know about it, you don't ask.

"Everyone likes weddings," you reply, setting both hands on top of your knees. "Right?"

Charles chuckles and shrugs, "I guess so,"

You love weddings, except when you're expected to be the bride.

"Charles," you pat his shoulder and he takes his eyes off the road for the briefest second. "Are you completely sure the bride doesn't mind my presence?"

You don't want to give yourself some sort of importance you don't deserve—the bride has more important things to worry about—but particularly nervous about how your presence will be received at the celebration.

"Seriously, y/n," Charles soothes, his right hand leaves the steering wheel and searches for your own blindly, accidentally landing on your empty lap. He takes his hand back immediately, red creeping up his neck. "It's fine." he resolves, his sight way too focused on the road now.

"Alright," you whisper, smoothing the skirt of your dress. "Alright."

Both of you remain silent the rest of the way as you take in the Spanish landscape and Charles drives like his life depends on it. You promised yourself you'd ask for as much information on the happy couple as you could, but your voice is lost in the pit that opened in your stomach.

And the evening is just beginning.

It's after the ceremony, at cocktail hour that you find everything out about Tommaso and Bárbara thanks to none other than Carlos Sainz, who seems to really have a thing for gossip and also, for making fun of you for crying during the vows.

"Leave me alone, Carlos," you warn for the last time, this time threatening him with your closed fist. "Not my fault you don't have a heart in that big-ass chest."

This makes him laugh harder, and even Charles chuckles against the lip of his whiskey glass.

"I miss you so much around the paddock, y/n!" Carlos sighs, patting the place above his heart. "For real."

You click your tongue. "Sure you do,"

Carlos and you talk a lot less than Charles and you do, of course. But if Charles calls you during whatever free time he has while in the Ferrari Suite, you can trust Carlos to insert himself in the conversation.

"And a lot of the other drivers do too," Carlos' tone is mocking again, and you glower at him.

"Stop picking on me," this time you punch him on the shoulder.

"I'm being serious. Lando has a crush on you,"

You talked to Lando a few times, mostly when he and Carlos were being boys and hitting each other in the balls outside the Ferrari Suite and Lando made small talk as he tried not to touch his private parts. A crush is an exaggeration, Lando just told you he thought you were cool for making movies.

"Why don't we take some pictures?" Charles suggests before downing the rest of his whiskey. You don't miss the look he gives Carlos.

"Why not?" you smile at Charles, shrugging. The place is beautiful and you would love to have a memory of this whole thing that you can go back to.

"I'll catch up with you guys," Carlos calls as you two walk away, uninterested in the impromptu photoshoot.

Charles directs an annoyed look at him again and then makes it go away to return his attention to you.

"What was that?" you ask, taking Charles' arm again for him to lead you to where the rest of the guests are more scattered and won't photobomb your pictures.

"What was what?" Charles lifts an eyebrow, forever the expert at playing dumb. Or, not really.

You shake your head, this is another deep thought you don't want to venture into. There is enough of this weird tension already, and you're not sure if Charles feels it too.

─────────

"Your girlfriend is beautiful," a lady is patting your hand, a gentle smile on her face as she looks at Charles. She's the spouse of another Ferrari team member, and the first thing she did was compliment your dress before even asking for your name.

"Oh, I'm not—"

"We're just friends," Charles clears up, gentle as well. "But y/n really is beautiful."

The woman raises both eyebrows and laughs, an 'oh you kids' snicker that isn't unkind. "Of course, of course."

It's the first time of many during this party that Charles has to say you're not in a relationship, and it seems to get easier every time the words come out of his mouth.

Although it's true, you're not sure why it nags at you.

You cry again during the couple's First Dance and verbally threaten Carlos to leave you alone as you wipe your tears carefully, doing your best to keep your makeup intact. He laughs, but takes your threat seriously and remains quiet. This whole Tom and Jerry thing is amusing but he doesn't want to actually make you angry.

A few songs in, after you're done bickering with Carlos and you have finished your third glass of champagne, Charles asks you to dance with him.

An slowed-down version of Sixpence's 'Kiss Me' plays as you take the dance floor. You blame your giddiness on the fact that you finished that flute of champagne in record time.

"What is it?" Charles questions, smoothly placing one hand on your hip while the other holds your palm. His thumb runs up and down the curve of your wrist.

"What if I step on your foot?" you retort, looking up at him. That's only one thing that makes you nervous, although you know how to dance. You took lessons for both Supercut and Parisian Valentine.

Laughter bubbles from Charles' chest and you join in, although this makes you even more nervous. It would be stupid to say you don't see how handsome he is, even if he's just your friend.

"I won't mind," Charles promises, and his fingers press a little harder against your hip bone.

"Okay, then."

It's obviously not a complicated endeavor to sway around the dance floor with Charles, he lets you set the pace, lacing your fingers together after you spin back to him.

"Thank you for coming with me, soleil," he says in a low voice. You can smell the alcohol in his breath although it's been a while since he stopped drinking, he still has to drive you back to your hotel. "I really missed you these two months."

"I love weddings. Thanks for inviting me," you squeeze his shoulder, the contrast of your manicured nails against his shirt distracts you momentarily from the fact that you can feel his breath against your jaw.

It's the second time today that you miss the chance to tell him you missed him too, and you know he notices it by the way he leans away.

The song ends before your tongue decides to respond to you again and Charles lets go of you. A few seconds feel like an hour as you stare at each other, unable—or unwilling—to say anything of what either of you really want to say.

"Care to dance?" a guy with longish hair and dark eyes is offering you his hand now, as a faster song starts and the lights around the room turn brighter.

You break eye contact with Charles and when you look at him again, he just nods, taking a step back to your assigned table.

"Sure," you tell the guy, a tense smile on your face. "Let's dance."

The ride back to your hotel is silent again, and you're too tired to find a way to fill it.

Charles' energy has shifted and this makes your stomach turn. Your anxiety worsens every time you feel someone is 'off' towards you, and that someone being Charles makes it a hundred times worse.

He takes the elevator to your room with you, placing his hand gently in the middle of your bare back to let you in first.

"We're okay, right?" you whisper, looking at your distorted reflections on the silver wall of the cubicle.

You see Charles' reflection frown and then his face turns to you. "Of course we're okay, y/n. Is something wrong?"

You shake your head, the loose strands of your bun tickle your nape. "I'm just wondering."

Charles is never bothered by your need for reassurance, not even when he needs reassurance himself. That he's not being a complete and absolute moron by wanting the woman all the boys want to dance with, and holding onto that little slither of hope that he might have a chance with her. He's the one standing next to you after the party, still.

"We are okay. Didn't you have fun today?" he asks, pushing those thoughts aside. You're friends. Just friends.

"Of course I did!" you inhale sharply, "I just— nevermind." you take your hand to the back of your head, already tired of the half undone bun that threatens to give you a headache.

"I had fun. I always have fun when I'm with you," Charles follows you out of the elevator and down the hallway to the third door marked with a 3321.

You're still struggling to find the exact hairpin that holds your hairdo together, and Charles pinpoints it almost at the same time as you do, pulling it out swiftly to make your hair fall down your shoulders.

It's a meaningless gesture, Charles hasn't given it a second thought or stopped walking. But a shiver runs down your back as his knuckles graze your nape.

"Thanks, Charlie." You say, swallowing.

"Of course," Charles puts the pin inside the pocket of his trousers with a shrug.

You stand in front of the room for a minute, having a stare down again as you rub the back of your head.

"Thank you again for today, Charles." you're the one to break the silence, keycard already between your fingers. "I had a great time."

"I'm glad, soleil." Charles his dimples appear when he smiles and your breath hitches when he leans towards you. It feels like you've been showered with ice cold water. "Good night, y/n," he says and presses his lips against your cheek.

"Good night, Charlie," you wave him goodbye from the door as he walks back to the lift.

The feeling of his lips against your skin is there, even after you've washed your face and tucked yourself into bed.

─── team principal radio: ❝thank you for reading! surprisingly, i don't have much to say this time other than i really hope you enjoyed this chapter, and that I appreciate each one of you dearly!♡❞

✰ paddock club members: @sassyheroneckgiant @flowerchild-96 @fangirlika @shegotboreddsoo @roseamongthorns13 @cissyp @chimchimjiminie16 @saturnsrinqs @roni-midnights @gayyvodka6 @studioreader @its-ash-not-grey @lu-morningstar @ferraribabe @reidsworld @feelslikestrawberries @celestialams @kosmosgalore @heeseung-baby @missenclod @buendiabebeta @mycenterfold @aces-tattooartist @burningrred @you-bleed-just-toknowyouarealive @rainybabe25 @ru-kru @lazybot @teenagedreams-cl @cool-ultra-nerd @kuskumu @formulakay3 @bisexual-desi @somanyfandomsbruh @icarus-nex @haziefairy @xjval @xoxoloverb @sainzleclercs @headinthecloudssblog @incoherenciass @bookophiliac @torrie421 @nooshytushie @azxulaa @steephanie07 @anonymous8462 @tbisloneely @pukklv @bn7921 @be-your-coffee-pot @fdl305 @lovely-blackinnon @landonorizzz @ruleroftheuniverse @ivegotparticulartaste

want to join the paddock club? click here!

if you are not tagged please check your blog settings because tumblr isn't letting me tag you

[strrykais]

lie with you - not a date 📖

word count 1k.? (i lost track)

jisung was shitting bricks. he rarely has people come into his sanctuary, and much less girls. he has only had a total number of 3 girls in here. one his mom, two his ex and the last was you.

you made jisung really nervous, he fully couldn’t understand why. he kind of just pinned it on his social anxiety and went along his day. you were always so kind to him and you never really pushed him to do things that made him uncomfortable. in all honesty it started the day yall got stuck in the elevator. thats when the little feeling in his stomach started to form.

so with 7:30 creeping up on him, jisung is pacing the apartments living room trying to calm his beating heart.

“ji you okay? you look like you are gonna throw up.” donghyuck says walking out the smush room getting it ready for his one nighter.

“yeah im fine.” jisung quickly dismisses donghyuck wiping his sweaty hands on the front of his jeans.

“don’t be so nervous its just yn. you will be fine.” he says patting his hand on jisungs shoulder. “its almost 7:30 you should probably head down there.”

“yeah you are right. it will be fine!” jisung wasnt so convinced. grabbing his belongings, he ops to take the stairs to buy him some more time before he had to face the music.

the knock on the door doesn’t even catch you by surprise. jisung was always punctual, so when you opened the door the wind blowing the small pieces of your hair back, you give a bright smile to jisung on the other side.

“come in, let me grab my jacket. im not sure how cold you keep it in the studio!” you say with a big smile of excitement. you loved that jisung was letting you into his art life. you wanted to show him you cared so of course when he offered the opportunity to see his studio you couldnt say no.

the walk to jisung’s studio was quiet, but in a calming way. jisung was too focus on not making a fool of himself. he was worried he would say the wrong thing and have you running for the hills. but he knew you would never especially when you basically watched him embarrass himself in the elevator last time.

you were more focus on your boyfriend, he hasn’t messaged you back since you told him you were helping out a friend. was he upset? mad at you? you weren’t sure why. you both could of been together tonight but when work calls he always answers. before you could go further into self doubt jisungs smooth voice pulls you out.

“im sorry were you saying something?” you asked. jisung gives you a small smile, pointing up at the skies the beautiful reds, pinks and blues mixing. “my favorite part of the day, its always been my favorite to paint.”

“crazy because this is my favorite time too. right before the stars come out.” jisung gives out a breathy laugh leading the both of you to what you assume is the studio.

it was a lot smaller than you envisioned it, in the corner sat a desk with scattered sketches and charcoal. on the other was an unfinished painting of a beautiful sunset.

“its cozy in here” you say breathing in the smell of the chemicals of the paint he had left out which now was hard as rock stuck to the palette.

you continued to walk around the studio jisung close behind. the last of the sun shinning through the large windows showing the outside world. you suddenly stop, causing jisung to slightly bump into you. he mumbles out a sorry but you didn’t hear him your eyes caught something.

“you haven’t used the paintbrushes i got you? they are nice you should use them!” you say reaching out to softly touch the bristles.

rubbing the back of his neck, jisung nervously laughs. “yeah i didnt want to ruin something like this. it was from you and i wanna treasure it.”

you smile at him “its a gift for you to use, if you really mess them up that bad ill just get you some new ones okay?”

“promise?” jisung helds out his pinky. you glance down at his much larger hand and wrapped your smaller pinky around his “promise.”

jisung smiled and lead you to the desk of unfinished charcoal drawing, “im working on shadowing with charcoal wanna be model” he says looking at you while you stare at the beautiful drawings he had laid around.

“yeah how do you want me.” you perked up ready to listen to whatever jisung said. ears turning red, he leads you to a stool and sits you down.

you guys hung out well past midnight chatting and playing around in his studio. he showed you the art in mastering charcoal drawings and on the way home you showed him the star constellations in the sky.

previous | masterlist | next

a/n : i was eating in the first half… maybe writing isnt for me. this was kinda bad….

tags : @onlyhyunjin

[figurativefriend]

I don't hear dyscalculia talked about much but it's life ruining.

Every time I ever tried counting to 100 I'd always end up skipping a bunch of numbers.

Counting, addition, subtraction are all difficult.

I can't use multiplication or division or any complex math. God forbid you add letters in there.

I was always way too early for everything or incredibly late. Sometimes comically late.

Numbers time amounts, it all means nothing to me. Less then nothing, I can't imagine it at all.

It's embarrassing to say the least that it takes me, an adult, on average about 5 mins to likely incorrectly answer 6x8.

If I ever thought I got the answer right first try my previous failures at even the most basic math causes me to second guess myself and then get it wrong anyway.

I tried so hard to get anything other then an F and detention for being so incapable of doing math in school. I eventually just stopped trying. I resented math because I didn't get it.

I dropped out in 8th-9th grade because I was being let off easy the past years and "made up" my failing grades in summer school every year I attended school, until they decided to just hold me back in class, attempted to put me in special education, and made me to drop out of band class because I kept failing math so incredibly bad. I just couldn't do it anymore. I dropped out. I tried to get my G.E.D. 3 times before I gave up.

It still haunts me to this day how some math teachers were so unwilling to find a diffrent way to teach me instead of just punishing me for my incompetence. It was unfair how many times I got left in class alone while everyone played or even went to lunch without me because I was stupider then everyone else.

I'm irrationally afraid of even trying to interact with the subject. The mental blockade my anxiety about it makes everything worse too.

Though a love for worldbuilding has me pulling up the calculator some days. And nothing a good old timer can't fix time blindness and some time related anxieties. It still sucks man. We have got to be nicer to dumb people. I'm being so genuine. If someone's bad at something maybe find out why and help them instead of being a dick about it.

[buriedpair]

Your ocs are so interesting, I found you through a repost of another yandere blog I love but now I also love yours so get ready for my weird asks.

So what if MC is a god, not a good one nor a bad one, not popular but neither unknown. That doesn't matter to them, they have unlimited power and are immortal. So what best way to use that power than go to gamble for the fun of it? They are cunning and extremely confident (for obvious reasons) and treat others with basic respect but it is apparent that they view them as ants compared to them.

You can choose which OCs find out they are a god and wich don't. How would they react? How will they act around them?

Specifically for DD, MC decides to gamble their life and loose just to fuck with them as they try to pierce their skin and it's simply impossible (or maybe not and they love too much and spare them, I still don't know what he would do if their beloved lost their life)

-🦊 anon

OOOH THIS IS COOL!!! THANK YOU !!!!

Yandere!OCs x GN God!Reader

(Pssst, TW for a mention of suicide)

Amias

Amias has always known there was something off about you. Your mannerisms are strange and he constantly feels like you're looking down on him.

When you decide to gamble your life, he's appalled. How dare you? As far as he's concerned, your life is his too. This is too much for him.

He feels his heart melt out of his chest when you lose. Time stops as he falls on his hands and knees in front of you, eyes wide and unfocused. He's not ready to have a dead darling.

But you seem confident. Was this your plan? To get rid of him, you want to die? He can't stand to watch as you make your way confidently to the execution arena.

Did he go too far? Did you really need to do this? He can be better. Please don't leave.

But the blade doesn't make even a dent as it rests against your skin. You laugh mockingly toward the crowd before announcing your immortality with a confident smile.

Amias is shattered. You did this all... just to mess with him? Oh, dear. Such a pretty little bird doesn't need to be making a big fuss. You'll be safer from yourself in his arms.

Edge

Edge always knew. He could see right through you. It just makes you even more interesting, in his eyes. The way you look down on him... He's so untouchable, usually. So for you to treat him like an insect?

It's intoxicating.

Degrade him more! Tell him how useless and disgusting he is! Fuck, you've unlocked something in him. He's never been treated so poorly before, and he's entranced.

He's under your thumb, this time. You seem to be enjoying it too, so what's the harm? There's no way you're ever losing a game, by the way. You've unlocked simp Edge.

Double Down

He has no clue. He doesn't care much about your degrading comments. He's been rejected before, and he'll still go after you no matter how many times you tell him to die.

DD absolutely REFUSES to kill you, even when you gamble your life. You'd have to get him real mad before he even considers it, which is very difficult to do. When Edge tells him he HAS to, he says he's quitting his job then. He doesn't care. He'll walk out with you on his arm (you looking less than amused) whether you like it or not.

So, now he's unemployed and attached at your hip. You're annoyed. This weird mortal is clinging to you like a weird dog with separation anxiety. He looks happy, though.

Jackpot

He's already prepared to worship you, so don't worry about being a god. Nothing will change, he adores you either way.

If you gamble your life and lose, he's broken. Forever. Doesn't matter if you don't actually die, he's shattered. You did it on purpose? Even worse. He's never going to forgive himself.

He's hardly what he used to be. He won't eat or sleep. By this point, Gambit probably hates you. Jackpot's by your side, weakly clinging to your hand whenever he can be. He doesn't show up to work, either.

You've ruined him.

Gambit

Gambit isn't sure how to feel once he finds out. He ends up with the information on accident when Edge tells him, but he doesn't know how to react. He doesn't change much, maybe gets a bit more shy around you.

He loves you regardless, don't get him wrong. He just doesn't feel worthy of being around you.

If you gamble your life and lose, he'll calmly escort you out of the casino to give you a stern lecture on the value of life. You're half asleep by the time he finishes.

He'll keep you tied up if it means he can keep you safe, no matter how immortal you are.

[shradsmanifestt]

hi, im sorry for bothering u right now. ive been asking around for advice everywhere because i really need all the help i could use right now. my anxiety is flaring up like crazy because my results come out tomorrow and im so scared because if i mess this up then my future is ruined. my mental health has been horrible and that has severely affected my grades but in most asian countries they dgaf about that and basically think it's nonexistant for minors so ofc i'm still undiagnosed, and if i were to apply to a uni i wouldnt get any good chances anywhere. if i could just get 3 Bs in my AS levels it would be okay or else i'd have to retake it and it's super costly here.. i don't wanna put my family through that because they'll talk me down, degrade me, destroy my self esteem which i've managed to build back a little. they were like this since when i was the topper and thats what made me burnout. undiagnosed adhd, trauma, depression also contributed to it

im applying the law, but instead of the feeling of success that everyone else gets i feel panicked. the 'feeling' people usually get when they're in the wish fulfilled state, the feeling of accepting it and it being real—im not getting that. i dont see a clear picture when i visualize. every time i try to, i end up breaking down and feeling like a failure... but I'm still trying to go on because why is it that the people who hurt me and practically ruined my life get to live successfully, while i suffer? thats not fair... i promised myself that if i could just get 3 Bs, ill turn my life around and work really hard... but is it over for me? i want to win, im trying to, but im scared

im trying my best to visualize myself getting 3 Bs, reenacting my friends faces when i get the results, praying to God and thanking Him for blessing me and continuing to bless me, but there is this fear still lingering at the back of my mind... i feel like I'm not doing it right. i have like one day left and I'm so nervous. im going over posts, tweets, and every time I feel a little better, it all comes crashing down because of doubts. theres only one thing one my mind right now: 'how am I gonna turn it around in one day?' i know that the 3D does not matter and that everything is done in imagination, but here i feel like its not done in imagination either

right now nothings clicking in my head, whatever i read is getting scrambled in my mind, i feel so lost and empty. could u please tell me what to do in this specific situation? u can be as harsh as you want if that's what's needed to get the point across. im really sorry for the bother and id be really grateful if u could please help out, ive never been this desperate before... my life cant be over before it even started

Hey love,

I get you, I really do but trust me when I say this.

THIS SHIT IS REAL AF. Manifestation is real af. It's as real as the fact that you are a human being. All you have to do is trust yourself that it is already done. If good results is what you want then that is exactly what you'll get. You need to choose to stop having doubts because it is already done. That is the simplest answer I can give you. Persist on what you want.

I am glad to tell you this but I just got test results for a major exam held in my uni today and I got into the 95th percentile just by saying to myself that my super power is aptitude tests and that I already scored great. In my friends group only 3 of us were eligible and I have 70+ more marks then them as well. If I can do it, you can do it. You need to stop doubting yourself. Atleast stop doubting manifestation. Cause at this point you're only gonna manifest your doubts.

I'll give you a scenario - If you're worried about getting bad grades, Trust me when I say this you're gonna manifest exactly that coz you will manifest exactly what you assume. You can choose to stop that right here, RN. Choose to accept that you got great marks. I mean don't even like aim for B's go for A's. I don't care even if you left the paper blank coz if you assume you're the topper, that is exactly what's gonna happen.

If you do get bad marks and I'm gonna be harsh here - You're the only reason why! You're gonna manifest exactly what you assume to be true even if it's good or bad. Your sc mind don't differentiate btw what's good for you or what's bad for you. It only knows what you feed it.

You got this, TRUST ME

Love, Shrads.

[bubbles-lounge]

!Their Younger Sibling!

Summary: You had successfully escaped you're older brothers and you one and only friend Azul(Or how reader calls him Zuzu). You had were texting Yuu about meeting him with his friends, the ones you met before heading for you're brothers, and Azul. What will their reactions be?

A/N: Part 1 There's mention of a bag, you pick how the bag looks and what type of bag it is. Debating on making a series of the octavillene trio having reader keep running off and befriending the main cast. Remember to look after yourself and get rest!! Enjoy.

You put you're phone in you're bag as you looked around you making sure you're brothers nor Azul were near. You weren't worried about the other students too much since you have similar speed and strength to you're brothers, although abit weaker than them. Once you were sure they weren't near you stood up and ran for the botanical gardens, keeping an eye out for any of the first years you saw with Yuu or Yuu himself.

You eventually reached the botanical gardens, looking around for Yuu and the rest of his friends. Spotting them not to far you walk up to them.

"Hey, Yuu!"

Yuu turned around to see you smiling at him as he waved at you.

"(Name), You got here fast!"

You chuckled abit as the other first years saw and recognised you from earlier that day. You remembered each of their names roughly, the one you think was juice?? No, Deuce!

"Hey There, Your (Name), the leech twins younger sibling, right? We met you earlier on today!" Deuce smiled at you and extended a hand for a handshake.

"Yes, that would be me! You're Deuce if I'm correct." You shook his hand as he nods confirming you was right. It was bit awkward for you, not because of the people but because of the socializing. The only friend you'd ever had was Zuzu, so it felt awkward but they all seemed pretty laidback.

They all introduced themselves, Sebek seems to be loud constantly, though you were used to Floyds random yelling so it wasn't too bad. They are a lively bunch, it was quite enjoyable, your awkwardness and anxiety went quickly as you hangout with them.

"Hey (Name)."

You look over at Jack as he approaches you, you've noticed he is quite sensible probably the most sensible here.

"Yea? What's wrong?" You stare at him confused as he scratches the back of his neck and looks away.

"Don't take this badly towards you're brothers but, you're not really like them, you know? I mean it in the sense you not as terrifying as you're brothers make themselves nor do you try and make you're self unsettling like them."

Jack was now looking at me in an almost confused manner as you laugh abit at the statement Jack made. You weren't offended to be honest, you just found it funny how right he was. Epel had joined the conversation and agreed with Jack, you replied to them.

"Well, I try not to appear unsettling or anything of the sort. I'm here for abit and my brothers are protective of me. I've never actually had a friend that wasn't Azul. Its only been us four basically my entire life..."

You look at Jack and Epel sheepishly, it felt weird to tell others about you're brothers way of looking after you. It almost felt wrong to be talking to these guys, but you pushed those feelings away and looked at them. The others had at some point had joined the conversation as they looked at you with pity.

"You've never had anybody out of those three??! That must be tough...We're your friends now! Therefore you now have people out of those three!" Deuce wrapped an arm around you're shoulders as the others seemed to agree.

"Yeah, you don't seem so bad, what harm could it do?" Yuu smiled at you confidently.

You smiled at them all, this was nice. Having a group of friends like this was nice...Your phone buzzed ruining the moment of happiness you felt, you only had 5 contacts outside of the people currently around you, 2 of those contacts were your parents but they had already told you they wouldn't text you until you did a week at NRC, the other 3 were you're brothers and Zuzu. You got caught, shit.

The others look at your panicked face as you run over to your bag, they question what's wrong.

"My brothers and Azul know I left the monstro lounge. They said I wasn't to leave due to the people at this school not being trustworthy enough for me to even talk to."

The others looked at you with concern, until Ace spoke up.

"They do that?! They stop you from interacting with people like at all?!"

I nod my head as I search my bag for my phone, you grab it quickly and look at their texts.

After you had read their texts and you felt sick to you're stomach you shoved you're phone into you're bag and threw the bag onto you're shoulder as Sebek yelled.

"THATS UTERLLY WRONG. YOU'RE STRENGTH OUT DOES THE NORMAL HUMANS STREGTH. THERES NO REASON FOR THEM TO DO THAT!!"

You don't stay around much longer as you bolt for monstro lounge. You slam open the door but make sure not to scare any customers, you dint need those three anymore angry than they already are.

You think back to what Sebek said about being inhumanly strong like you brothers, it does make sense why they d-, you're thoughts were stopped by the tap on you shoulder looking at the person to see you brothers. Floyd grabs you and drags you into the V.I.P room and puts you on the couch as he starts going on about how you weren't meant to leave this place and you could have gotten hurt. Jade interrupted Floyd and looked at you.

"Elver. Did you speak to anyone?"

Jades voice was stern, you knew damn well that you couldn't avoid answer him. Not with Floyd and Azul right by.

"Yes..."

You watched there faces morph into disbelief. Now Azul and Floyd were yelling about how you're meant to stay by their side and not run off to talk with others. That's all they could yell about, not only did you leave monstro lounge like a normal human but you talked with others. Jade just let them go off at you, you don't think you've see him so angry. You knew this was the punishment, you knew they would tighten security on you.

You decide that, they aren't gonna stop you. You were 16 for fucks sake! a year younger than them. You not gonna sit idle by their side and alone, not when you now have friends. Of course you weren't gonna tell them that you just looked at the floor and listened to their yelling.

This will be an interesting time at NRC...

[mysadblacksoul]

Backslide - 3/13 of the Clancy album

Grab a coffee and let's start this madness

MV

Tyler is wearing the same clothes that he wore in Overcompensate MV to I would assume that this MV takes place right after

Let's break down the signs first

We see the return of Ned Bayou as well as FPA, now standing for Food Petrol Etc.

You can buy 9 buns for $21, love the symbolism

There is a Jim sign omg. Baby is having his own bubblegum business

Of course the Bishops sign with 9 lines marked on it

I could've sworn that the black sign says "Dema Vapes", but looking closely I believe it's "Velma Vapes" lol

What is more, the cones (?) are yellow and I'm pretty sure that the fact that there are 5 of them is not an accident

They sold him bread that went bad lol. Nah for sure it's not the case since he gives the same bread to a child

But I believe that the scene and the lyrics are closely tied with Stressed Out

Now the next scene is interesting

I think that the bad weather is a simple metaphor for feelings of anxiety or fear

We can see that Tyler was contemplating then he was suddenly pulled from his thoughts

This is when the scene changes to normal, right? Exactly on the line It's over my head

Then we move to the scene with the kid

And I really believe that this little lad is personification of Ned

Like he has the same boba eyes lol

No but for real, this is parallel to Chlorine - kid is giving Tyler a cup just like Tyler gave to Ned. Yet he accepts it and drinks whatever is inside and Ned just shudders

Another interesting thing, that could make my point more valid is that the kid literally asks Is that a stain? You should change / Are you doin' good? / Did you solve all of your problems? like he knows Tyler very well and is in a way looking out for him

It's like he's keeping Ned by him - okat I'll stop

It might be a stretch, but the N kinda looks like a mirrored band symbol, do you also see it?

If 0.75c is equivalent to the cost of one bun than Tyler is being ripped off since he paid $21 for the pack instead of $6.75 lmao

Something is really wrong with those buns lmao

Then the mood changes again, but this time is even worse. Like his mental health is declining even more and even faster

The bread is wet, the day is ruined, thanks Mr. Joseph

You killed it Josh, love your creative mind

*funny music stops*

Now let's talk about the way how the MV is looping itself

I would say that it is a demonstration of the twisted circle that is life

Maybe it's a very basic analysis but I think of all the complicated lore-oriented MVs this one is uncomplicated

What is shown here is how our psyche can play tricks on us and how we can complicate a rather simple situation ourselves

If Tyler hadn't had dark thoughts then nothing would have happened to the bread, so he would have just gone and given it to Josh

This shows how our psyche itself can abolish the situation in which we find ourselves

Looping, on the other hand, shows that as long as we don't do anything about it ourselves, we will be stuck in this fishbowl (see what I did there?)

Maybe it's one big AD to check your mental health and a sign to try to get better

Lyrics!

Rat race, place to place, adding weight / Tendencies on repeat, innit? - rat race for sure happened in Dema, and repeat is literaly the loop, innit meand that Clancy is canonicaly British

Benefit from a shoe with no lace - shoe with no lace would make you fall back on the behaviour that you are running from

Take the seat with the crease in it - seat of someone who already tried to change their life, or even who had the same dreams and hopes for better future like Clancy

This could be parallel to When I leave, don’t save my seat/ I’ll be back when it’s all complete from Chlorine

I don't care, you control me / Leading me anywhere - well, all I should say is Dema don't control me and we all know the rest of the story

I don't wanna backslide to where I've started from - he doesn't wanna go back to his back habits as well as doesn't wanna go back to his life before he tried to escape

There's no chance I will shake this again - if he falls back one more time that will be the end of him. His psyche won't take it anymore and his plans will be buried

'Cause I feel the pull, water's over my head - this is parallel to Fall Away And I, I can feel the pull begin. But it also gives me the parallel to Holding On To You MV, the scene with the rope

Strength enough for one more time - like I said, this would be the last attempt to change everything

Reach my hand above the tide - it could indicate that his physical strength is also wearing out

I'll take anything you have / If you could throw me a line - again with the line. But it also can mean that he can endure anything now, he just needs a little helping hand

I should've loved you better - this line can be directed both to himself but also to the person who extends his hand to help. He might not have appreciated both parts before and now regrets it

Do you think that now's the time / You should let go? - This line is like both a request and an apology. As if he wants to say “I'm sorry I treated you badly before but please don't leave me when I need help”

Bad place, on a hundred-dollar bass - this line is also giving me Stressed Out. You can imagine the cheap bass being transported on the bicycle right?

Kinda wishin' that I never did "Saturday" - I think that he doesn't mean the MV irl lol, but the regret of taking part in Bishops' manipulation altogether

Is that a stain? You should change - a play with mentioning Saturday and the lirycs She said that I should change my clothes

Are you doin' good? / Did you solve all of your problems? - like I said before I believe that this is Ned looking out for Clancy, wishing him well

Thanks for asking, in a way, but / Accidentally uncovered a new one yesterday - safe to say that he is not doing better lol

What happened to what I brushed under the rug? - what happened to how well he used to be able to hide his problems and true feelings

I used to be the champion of a world you can't see / Now I'm drowning in logistics - if viewed as a fact that he created this world it now looks like he wants to regain all control over it. Logistics is to take care of the management of planning. And once again we see the mention of drowning

The bridge is acting as an externalization of his myhs and fears that even if he is outside the Dema, the Bishops will still have control over him

The entire song is about both regaining conrol over the world of Dema but also regaining control over himself, his psyche.

The main theme is about not going back to old habits.

The most important thing here is progress and pushing forward.

Because one wrong move can make all the work in vain and we will sink to the very bottom.

Safe to say that I liked it haha

[manicdiana]

my purpose, my will to live and to not k1l mys3lfve (yet)

I will get skinnier in a sk1ns and 🦴s, deadly, emanciated, tragic, supermodel, poetic, iconic and inspiration story with before and after pictures way. And then if I don't die of the physical complications fast enough then i'll k1l mys3lfve or something. J7mp1ng or öv3rd0s1ng

I want it. I will get it. I already did very extreme things so i'll do it again, because they don't see anything anymore now. They just see my overweight ass confort eating constantly, hiding in the bathroom, miserable and insufferable, staying inside all day in bed and never moving because of social anxiety...

I have so much hatred, soo much sadness. My body will take it all. And everyone will see, the portrait of my distress and melancholy in a metaphysical horrific way, or more like of an artistic work that will make it nearly impossible for them to take their eyes away from me. Because my body IS a temple, it's just that it's a basic one... one without History. What makes a temple of ruins alluring is the knowledge of past glory and History. That's why saying that it looks normal is one of the biggest insults ever. Because think of it.. we are all artists, in this community, the 3dtumblr community. We craft our body into oblivion, visible bones defined cheeks, shades of grey under our eyes... We have our own set of pencils and brushes ; diet coke, sugar-free gum, precise forms of exercice, precise c0unt1ng 0f c4ls, precise ritu4ls around m34ls, even just the use of d1et1ing

I don't want to be nothing. I don't want to be a black piece of paper. I want too to have a legacy. But it takes some work for a blank piece of paper to become shades of complex blues... I think that's what I failed to realise prior to writing this post, I spended the two last months painting with my eyes and my head instead of my hands... I want to be more than a mere insect who's only relevency is the disgust that could come from looking at it a bit longer like i've been feeling like since the past 2.. 3 years? It takes some form of will to take action. Oh my dear lord, I wish so much that I was a exercice obsessed bitch. How can people have depression and a restrictive 3d at the same time? Personaly, I can't. Or at least I couldn't for the past two last months, the worst months of my life alongside the worst birthday day I had personaly

I also want people to leave me alone in some way, to the voices and anxiety to fuck off. I honestly cry every single day, there's really no exception... instead the days in which I f4st, I suddendly feel so numb when I f4st, and it's not even in a bad way it's genuiely in a good way, like "yay" "i'm alive!" "I still don't like life in general but in this present moment i feel really ok!"

F4st1ng is a way to cleanse your body globally, to pause and make a "summary", a redo, a rebranding, a rising sun. To reorganise all the google and youtube tabs left on your computer so that your device can be faster and more organised. To take all the raging colors and merge them into pure white or pitch black, shades of grey maybe?

This post is full of angst, I feel like i'm going to cringe in the future looking back at this post and have trouble sleeping at night knowing some people would have seen it nooo

Anyways, staying cold when i'm alone on purpose and taking cold showers is harsh, like i'm on a survival based tv reality show lol. And purposesly not sleeping at night so that I can sleep during the day or just be really tired so that i have less chances to think about or to actually eat food...

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for asking my mother not to do certain things?

Let me start off by saying i'm homeschooled. I've been homeschooled my entire life. I don't have any friends offline, so I've pretty much come here to ask for outside opinions from my friend groups (online).

Prefer not to state ages, if that's okay. It makes me uncomfortable.

I have ocd, suspected autism, and either auditory processing disorder or misophonia (we're not sure which.) as well as a plethora of other issues. my mother is very aware that i have ocd (she has it herself) and i've mentioned misophonia to her several times. she doesn't know about my other mental issues, as for reasons you're probably going to see here, as i don't feel comfortable or safe telling her. (or, i've tried, and she doesn't listen, or tells me i'm "being dramatic.")

my ocd is quite crippling, to the point i've tried medication, herbal tea (chamomile seems to work a bit!), asking friends for advice, and even asking her for advice. as of the last year, it's had a grip on my life and has been quite a problem for me. i'm unable to do things i want or need to a lot, and especially struggle doing most things, even basic tasks. i'm unable to see a therapist/counsellor or psychologist/psychiatrist for personal/financial reasons.

a lot of my triggers (well, not exactly triggers for the ocd, but they stop me from doing things.) revolve around sound, especially people talking. whistling is a major trigger for my misophonia/apd, as are other high pitched noises.

my mother has a tendency to watch tv a lot, and i often ask her to not do this when i'm trying to do certain things, as it makes my ocd a bit worse, and it's often rather loud. (please note i wear headphones a lot of the time for sensory issues.)

however, when i ask her either to turn it down, pause it temporarily, or ask her to turn it off for a bit, she has a tendency to get mad/upset. to the point of throwing a bit of a fit over it, in a way that to me seems a bit attention seeking (in the bad way). she says things like "fine, whatever." and flaps her arms about dramatically or slaps her legs, or she says "i don't even wanna watch it now, it's ruined."

i'll go ahead and say she's a bit self-centered in a lot of ways. for years she has said i've "targeted" her and "treated her terribly" even though any time i was (to her) doing these things, i was usually defending myself or telling her to do something that she needed to do that had been requested for days/weeks/months/sometimes years. i also have a tendency to ask her what she's doing, either out of genuine curiosity, or because she has done something strange to me that i didn't understand. which she gets mad over.

she also gets mad if i ask if she's coming over here (i have a tendency to walk/pace in certain areas to music, it helps with stress/adhd/also helps me write/act things out. she is very aware of this and this isn't really a problem.) or ask how long she will be over here. she seems to think me asking this is telling her she can't come over, or desperately trying to get her to move. admittedly sometimes i DO want her to move, but 90% of the time i am just asking so i know if i need to move to a different area to walk or just stop temporarily.

sometimes when i am having a particular peak in my ocd/anxiety/whatever else, i ask her not to talk for a moment/few minutes, either so i can do something i need to, or because i'm afraid it will make it worse. she'll either get mad about this, or go on a tangent about "not catering to me" and saying things "the real world doesn't work like this, and nobody cares that you have ocd/issues." she has a tendency to take my issues as a personal attack on her, when in reality i would ask anyone to stop for a moment.

she has a tendency to belittle me in a sense for it. i've tried to explain some of it to her (without revealing details of my trauma she doesn't know about, as most of my ocd is linked to severe ptsd.) and she says it "doesn't make any sense" and i "need to stop" and i "need to just make myself stop." she has ocd, and knows compulsions are not always rational, and yet still says these things.

part of my desire not to go to a therapist is because of her. she claims they will either try to put me away take me to another home/put me in foster care, or drug me up on medication that will make me dull. (the other part is more personal, and unrelated to her, but to my aforementioned trauma.)

one of the things i especially ask her not to do is whistle, or make a few other certain noises (eating loud, using nail files around me, etc) because they are especially triggering to me. she'll either blatantly refuse and say i "don't get to tell her what to do" or i don't "control her" (please note i am just asking, but when i DO specifically tell her to stop, it is because she either already knows this sound is triggering to me, or i've already asked, and i'm losing my patience.) or she'll do it louder/more just to trigger me further (my father also does this. sometimes as a joke which in some ways is worse.) or she'll go on the "not catering + nobody cares" tangent again.

i know my ocd and other issues can be a bit interrupting, but i don't ask huge things of her or anyone else. all i ask is for them to not make certain sounds around me, temporarily ask them to not do something/stop doing something, or ask them to do it a bit quieter for me. please note she has the ability to watch tv/videos on other devices with headphones easily, she just chooses not to. and worse of all, they treat it like it's not interrupting to me, when it affects my everyday life in ways far worse than asking/telling them not to do something.

it makes me feel unwanted and unappreciated, and i'll admit, i've contemplated....not existing, if you will, many times over this issue and others.

i just don't really know if i'm asking too much, or if they're just being shitty. i want outside opinions on this.

so, AITA?

(id put a tl;dr in here, but i don't really know what to put. feel free to do it for me. also, i know this was kinda long, but i needed to put some extra things in, sorry if thats like an inconvenience or anything!)

(adding my sideblog here so i can get notifs, @ocdaitathrowaway)

What are these acronyms?

[sandorsubs]

How to "actually" reprogram your mind

INDEX

Introduction

Code System

Master Codes

Replacement Codes

How your brain is gonna use new codes

Coding Style

Notes

Do you have limiting beliefs? You don't think you can have your desire or accomplish things? Even can't manifest stuff how hard you try? Then you might heard about reprogramming your mind. They say change your beliefs, affirm, don't use old story...Yeah but it's not that easy, we all know that.

If you don't know what reprogramming your mind is, it's basically changing your old belief with new one that has more benefits for you. I saw couple exercises for it: making a list for what you believe and adding your desires in it. Robotically affirming everyday. Choose your method. But if you are struggling and searching for more efficient way to reprogram your mind, take a look at my method.

Code System

I take affirmations as codes. Every code has an emotion that will be released before or after your brain runs the code. Some codes have prominent memories attached to them. I know it sounds complicated but let me give you an example of a negative code.

You are going to make a presentation but you had a similar experience before when your classmates made fun of you. Your brain instantly runs the code "i can't speak in public". You feel emotions such as anxiety, fear, worry, shame etc. You keep replaying that experience you had in your mind and feel even worse. This what a code is made of, you can call them affirmations if you want.

(Stop reading now and think for a code you use frequently. It could be simplest thing, look around i promise you'll find one.)

Master Codes

There will be two section in our method: master code and replacement code. Master code is a dominant code on top of code hierarchy. Remember when we feel in danger and make crazy scenarios in our minds but most of the time, they don't happen. Because our brain chooses master code over any other negative assumption. Everyone has master codes, they are just not aware of it.

"I am always protected" is a master code. Even you are in a dangerous situation and feeling extreme fear, your brain is going to choose this master code over a negative code such as "something bad is going to happen". As you can see, master codes are general and strong because you used them a lot in your life. Now write down master codes of your reality. "I have control over my 3d", "i manifest whatever i want", "i am extremely lucky", "everything always works out for me" whatever you want.

Now attach a memory to this code. If you don't have one, first of all think again. Sometimes it can even be a memory you thought it's bad.

For example if you almost had a accident and you feel bad when you remember it. But that's an example for how you were protected. If your master code is "i am protected" when you think about that moment you'll also feel gratitude.

Btw don't force yourself to feel good about a memory, i am just saying change your perception but if you still feel uncomfortable leave it. And take your lessons from a bad experience even if you are still going to revise it, loves

Replacement Codes

So what is replacement code? Brand new code for your brain to use instead of old usuless one. I see a cup of coffee, my brain runs a code "coffee is not healthy". I remember how scientists says coffee damages your brain and ruins your sleep cycles. Then i feel sad because i like coffee and i want to drink more. This is how i unwillingly affirm coffee is unhealthy. Let's replace this code because it doesn't serve me. I want to drink coffee <3

If you have a bad memory attached to it, try to revise or assess a positive memory just like what we did in master codes. I used to drink a lot more coffee back then but i kept saying myself that caffeine doesn't affect me (which was clearly an affirmation lmao). My assumption worked like a charm but i started to read about how coffee is unhealthy then it really became unhealthy. I replaced my assumption with a negative code unconsciously. To replace this negative code everytime i drink coffee i run "i am okay with consuming caffeine as much as i want" code and remember the times i wouldn't get affected even if drank 5-6 cups.

(Btw that's why overconsumption is dangerous because we keep hearing new things, unlock new fears everyday. Be careful about the contents you consume.)

Also I want to remind you don't have to say this code in your mind. Think them like a button that your brain presses. This process will happen in seconds, all you gotta do is realize if you are still using a negative code over master code or replacement. And reverse it.

How your brain is gonna use new codes

Disclaimer: This is my theory, if it doesn't align with your experiences just ignore and jump to next part.

I don't know if you guys realize this but when you affirm something at first you keep seeing the opposite of it in your 3D. If I affirm i am lucky, i find myself in unlucky situations. I used to think i need to persist, i see the opposite because i put my desires on pedestal. Then i realized this is how my brain tests me to see if i really believe i am lucky.

I went to hospital to make an x-ray appointment but system was down, assistant told me to come back a day later. But hospital was a bit far from my house so i decided to wait. I was affirming "i am lucky" in back then so i felt a little bit disappointed things didn't worked out quickly. While i was sitting i realized that's why it's not working, because even if i keep telling myself that i am lucky i didn't have that mindset.

I thought i'll make this appointment today because i really believe i am lucky. System got fixed after almost an hour, i made appointment and went home. But that memory stuck in my mind, i felt like my brain tests me to see if i am really believing it. Like little homeworks. I believe mindset/affirmation is 30% how you think, 70% how you act and perceive the situation in that certain moment. And of course affirming it loud or in your mind keeps you on track.

When you are going to use these new codes, let yourself to become used to it. Did you use the negative code again? Don't worry, at least you are aware of it now.

You started to think you are not enough? Oh i am lazy, i am not good at painting, my friends doesn't like me, my grades suck, i'll never have a good career. Stop. Take a deep breath. Thinking like this doesn't help at all. Use your own code, master or replacement, doesn't matter. Remember that certain memory you assesed the code, feel emotions of the memory and relax.

Using your new code is same as how you normally use negative codes in your life. "My mom said i cook horrible so it must be real. So whenever i try to cook, i ruin it completely and i remember what she said." You can find thousands of examples of codes, you have been using since you were a child. They are keeping you from living this beautiful life and experiencing.

Coding Style

You know what they say about affirmations, use present tense, don't say i want or i need bla bla frickin bla. Have you realized, maybe that person assumes they manifest better with "i want xyz". Maybe they assume they are little brat of this universe and they'll be awarded just by ✨ asking for it ✨

This is not to complain but to realize your coding style. What do you value most? Having it, knowing it, loving it? For me i tried a certain code/affirmation style: bitchy one.

"it's mine" or "this will happen eventually" See? I am not even demanding, i am forcing and 100% sure this will work. If this suits your personality, give it a try. It was 50/50 for me. I liked using it but i also felt uncomfortable for being little aggressive. And "i want xyz" is even harder for me because i still have hard times to demand.

Then i tried present tense style "i am, i have" but it was too bland for me. So i asked myself what do i value? What is highest ranking? Knowing it.

I question a lot, suspect a lot, i don't even trust my own knowledge sometimes. But if i can tell "i know xyz" this is in the highest rank for me. Then i started to use my codes in this style.

For example if you value how you would feel when your desire is accomplished, try using "i love feeling xyz".

I see people using "i decide xyz", use this style if you value control.

Or questions like "why i am xyz" if you always want to know "whys" or "whats".

Try and find out for yourself, even you feel like universe is your sugar mommy/daddy and only thing you need to do is *ask* don't give a f about what community says.

Notes

So that's all for now, i know it's long for a first post. Don't mind my writing style, english is not my mother tongue and only thing that matters for me to describe things in my mind. If you have questions go on and ask. I'll also share a reprogramming mind subliminal if you are coming from my youtube channel. Btw i created a table in notion and divided codes in two sections and three categories. Master and replacement code sections both have three categories. Mind, body/environment, spirit. I added emotion and memory to new codes and ponder about my negative codes.

Hey, also this is fun and actually helps me but plsss don't stress like it's actually coding a program and you have to run it perfectly. Give yourself the ✨damn✨ time. I made an observation about how limiting beliefs affect our life and i think "oh negative thoughts have more power☝️🤓" statement is not true. We wouldn't be alive then because i have crazy scenarios and i do actually believe in them for a moment. I just realized negative assumptions have a pattern and we can use it in our advantage!! Yaay (i like how i started serious like putting index or stuff but why the hell tumblr on browser is so shitty??)

[sunfyresrider]

𝑪𝒓𝒖𝒆𝒍 𝑺𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒆𝒓

Synopsis: In 1989 you're forced to go on another one of the Targaryen family vacations except this one is to a summer camp. Crystal Lake isn't renowned for its beauty and exciting activities. Instead, it's well known for murder and strange disappearances; this doesn't deter money hungry counselors from setting up here. The twins swear it's folklore, Aegon claims you're going crazy but ever since you stepped out of the car you knew, this summer was going to be one to remember.

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x You T/W: dead bird, bad omens, nightmares, bullying, anxiety & paranoia, new friends, 80's slang, and all the bad vibes. A/N This is only kind of a Friday the 13th AU, I stole some names and lore but otherwise this is coming from my brain. Ive been listening to cruel summer nonstop hence the name. I really hope the first chapter got you as excited for the rest as I am!

Summer of 1989, you, your best friend and ride or die Hel, plus her army of obnoxious brothers are making your way to summer camp. Hel’s mother, Ali, she’s a sweet lady but her choice of family activities is never the greatest. This has got to be one of the very worst so far. 

To be fair, you would roll over and bark if she asked. She deserved it considering she basically adopted you like a stray cat after your family disappeared… That’s another story for another day where you aren’t trapped in the back seat with the biggest tool known to mankind. “Play this!” You scrunched up your nose, “No! Keep the radio on!” You reached to snatch the cassette from his hand, but he shoved your face back, “Hell no! I don’t wanna listen to Bananarama.”  

You shoved him back, “Shut up, Aegon. No one likes your music.” His eyes rolled into the back of his skull, “Shut up, Aegon. no one likes your music.” You huffed, “Stop mocking me!” He copied, “Stop mocking me!” You became desperate, anything to make him shut up. “Hellll! Make him stop.” With his obnoxious voice he continued, “Helllll make him stop.”

“Will you both shut up!” He turned the dial on the radio and began blasting whatever was originally on. The mood killer of all mood killers, Aemond Targaryen. The perfect student, son, and total stick in the mud. Granted, he did get his eye snatched out by his nephew. You’ve never heard the full story and don’t dare to ask but they don’t speak any more to say the least. 

There’re some good things about him. He has a super soft spot for Hel which sorta extends to you. That is why you’re listening to cruel summer instead of whatever shit Aegon had planned. He also barely speaks to you, almost like he purposely avoids you. In the years you’ve known each other there’s only been a total of ten conversations you remember. 

That’s fine with you, not everyone has to like you. That’s what you tell yourself to make yourself feel better at night. Your eyes drifted to the rear-view mirror, a perfect view of the man himself inside. In some lights Aemond truly was handsome, as if he was carved from marble. It didn’t help that his face almost always remained in a stoic position, unmoving and unwavering no matter the circumstance. The faux eye or eyepatch he chose to wear didn’t ruin his looks at all. In fact, it made him all the more alluring to certain girls.  

You’ve known him for years, lived with his family, basically a constant in his life since you were young, and he still remains a mystery. You enjoyed mysteries a lot, one of your favorite genres of books. You got caught, His good eye flickered to meet yours. Eye contact with Aemond made your breath hitch in your throat. It was intense, everything he did was intense. 

“Aemond watch Out!” 

Helaena screeched, a large black object landing directly into the windshield, cracking it. His eyes flickered back at the road as the car spun out of control. None of the three in the back had any seat belts on. Aegon grabbed ahold of you and the door handle, both of you screeching like little girls. The car made a god-awful noise as Aemond slammed on the brakes, shrouding the car in dust. In the very back you heard Daeron fall to the floor, waking him up immediately. 

“Oh my god! Oh my god!” Hel opened her door, leaping out of the car. Aemond quickly followed behind as the rest of you scrambled to get up. The dust from the road was finally starting to settle as you managed to pry yourself from your seat. “Ew.” Aegon murmured under his breath as he stood over the dead body of a raven. She was silently crying to herself as she bent over the lifeless thing. Helaena had always held an intense love for animals.

You peered at Aemond who remained completely composed, eerily silent as usual. He peered back at you, was this your fault for distracting him? You weren’t even doing anything besides staring! “Ravens are bad omens ya know… Great start to summer guys!” Daeron chirped from behind. “I’m going to the car,” Aegon said with disgust, brushing aside his sister's mourning. Daeron followed quickly behind, excited to go back to napping.

It took Aemond a few tries to get Helaena to leave the bird and return to her seat… She’s too gentle for this world. For some reason you were stuck in place. The second you stepped out of the car you felt eyes on you. You didn’t know where they were coming from, but they were there or everywhere. Instant anxiety coursed through you; this place had bad vibes in the first place. It didn’t help that you were watching a bird slowly choking to death on its own blood.

Bad omen

Bad omen

Bad omen

Bad omen

“Hey! We’re going to be late, get in the car.” Aegon’s screeching pulled you out of your trance, “Oh piss off!” 

The walk through of camp was rather boring. Immediately the girls were separated from the boys and to be completely honest, the girls' cabins were shit. They were wooden and lined with poorly built bunk beds. No plumbing whatsoever besides the showers which only ran cold water. A bug infestation was definitely on the horizon. The camp tshirts weren’t terrible, just a little ugly in design. The counselors were only a few years older than you, which teed you off because they were barking orders left and right. 

Helaena didn’t seem to mind any of it, lost in her head as usual. The dead bird definitely ruined her mood for today… You on the other hand couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched. It came just as quickly as it went, and it fucking followed you… You were actually going insane. Or one of the boys was playing a long prank on you.

The tour was painstakingly long as you walked the grounds looking at the lake, the yard, the forest trails and the other buildings of importance. The recreation room, the dining hall and kitchen, the banned counselor area and finally the “special building.” It was where all the electricity came from and probably plumbing too. 

The events for welcoming day were as follows: settling in, tour of the camp, dinner, and the huge bonfire in front of the lake. It seemed simple and easy to digest but you couldn’t shake your anxiety. You didn’t like being around strange people, you didn’t like being far away from home and you definitely didn’t like that they separated your bed from Hel’s. Also, Daeron’s comment from earlier was making you paranoid. Little shit always has a way of getting in your head. 

“Aegon is already flirting with the girls from the other cabin.” You peered from across the dining room to watch him shamelessly chat up randos. Your face twisted in minor disgust. “Oh, gag me with a spoon… I don’t know how you’re related.” You slid down the line grabbing the food the “chef” had made. Without a doubt there was a few mystery meats and a hair lurking in the applesauce. Maybe you were being pretentious, but shouldn’t a rich camp afford better food? 

You took your seat after meticulously avoiding all of the possible bowel killing food and settled on Mac n Cheese. Even at camp the tables were separated by categories, freaks aka rebels, geeks/brains depending on who you ask, the jocks, the heathers aka bitches and the outcasts. Obviously, you the Targaryen’s stray cat and the weird girl obsessed with bugs aka Hel say with the outcasts. 

Aegon had wormed his way into the jocks even though he didn’t play sports. Daeron fit in anywhere because he was just sooo charming. And well, Aemond, was staring at you from across the room at the brains table. Gracefully avoiding direct eye contact when you glanced over. He always did that, ever since you were kids. 

A normal person might ask why or go and talk to him. You weren’t normal and unbelievably awkward when alone with him. It was just because he was intimidating and obviously didn’t like you very much. Or maybe he was madly in love with you and just couldn’t find the strength to speak to you… Of course, it was the former.

 “Hey!” A short girl with pretty curls took her seat in front of you both. Hel and you glanced at each other, shocked someone were talking to you. She was beaming, sunshine literally radiating off of her skin. A total surfer chick from the west coast. You learned her name was Rhaena, her twin Baela had ditched her earlier for a boy and she was trying to make new friends. 

“So, this is your first time here? That’s totally tubular!” Helaena spoke up,“You’ve been here before?” Rhaena propped her knees up on the seat, so she was basically in Hel’s face. “Yeah! Baela and I have been coming since we were kids.” Helaena smiled, eyes twinkling with something you hadn’t seen before.“That’s rad.” You paused, when has seen used slang before? “What about you? Have you been here before?” Her voice sounded muted, as if asking you was a total pain. “Oh no. This is my first time.” 

“Oh my god I can totally show you guys around and tell you all the secrets.” Helaena cocked a brow, “What secrets?” Rhaena smiled mischievously, “Likeee there’s this abandoned shack not too far away that everyone goes and explores. Apparently, it’s haunted.” You were nodding your head along getting lost in thought. 

“Oh, and the boys get all the hot water, and we don’t… and they only use knock off versions of food to save money… Don’t eat the Mac n cheese, I’m pretty sure it’s spoiled.” You dropped your spoon, apparently nothing was edible here…. Wait?! The boys got hot showers and you didn’t?! And there’s a fucking haunted house… You knew this place was fucking creepy. 

“Baela! That’s the twin I was telling you about! Come on, I want y’all to meet her.” She grabbed Helaena’s hand and gently tugged her in the opposite direction. “Hey, you coming?” There it was again! The feeling of your hair standing up and someone watching you. You froze in place, eyes scanning the area. Aemond wasn’t looking at you anymore, too preoccupied with Daeron. 

“She’s zoned out again… Bestie we’re gonna be right back.” No one in your peripheral vision either… Which means they were behind you. You jumped around in your seat, prepared to surprise whoever was there. 

Except, there was no one but an empty building. You spun around looking for any sign of life and found none… How long have you been sitting here? When did Helaena leave you? The lights turned off and you felt your heart sink to your ass… 

A masked figure emerged from the darkness of the kitchen holding a kitchen knife. He was soaking wet, as if he had just come out of the lake. You stumbled back in place, bumping into the table behind you. Your breath hitched in your throat; your heart began thumping rapidly. 

Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck

You weren’t able to scream, your legs had turned into wet noodles that wouldn’t move. You were going to die; you were totally going to fucking die. It cocked its head to the side, “Run Rabbit, run rabbit, run, run, run,” it sang in an eerily sweet voice. Not the fucking tune from the thirties! 

All of the sudden he charged; you squeezed your eyes shut preparing for the worse… You felt two hands shaking you, violently shaking you. 

“Mrs. y/l/n, please wake up.” The counselor shook you a few more times, “Hey! Rise and Shine sweetheart!” You jumped in place, gasping for air and startling the counselor. “We’re going to be late for the bonfire, please hurry up.” You looked around, the lights were still beaming, and the sun had only just started to set. There were still a few counselors around and your face was sticky…

You fell asleep in the fucking Mac n Cheese!  

“Hey.” You awkwardly took a seat in between Aemond and Aegon seeing as Helaena was being fussed over by the twins. “You only come to me when your girl gets stolen. Don’t worry babe, I can make you forget about her.” You shoved him into Daeron, nearly knocking him off the bench. “Can you be normal?! For like five seconds, please.” 

“Impossible, his brain is made of jello.” Aemond deadpanned, eyes burning holes into Aegon’s skull. You giggled to yourself, “The off brand Jell-O.” The camp counselor marched in front of the four of you, pointing fingers. “Hey! Don’t tell me you four are gonna be the troublemakers this year. I’ll have you know-“ 

“Ms. Dunn! I just saw a kid go into the electrical cabin!” Baela, you assumed, just caused a perfect distraction. The counselor went running in the opposite direction. She winked at you all and walked off to join her sister and your best friend. Aegon sat up, dead silent. He had that look in his eyes, the look of a boy who found a new boy. “He’s found a new conquest.” 

You peered at Aemond, unable to hide the smirk creeping onto your face. “Let’s hope this one has some standards.” The head counselor stepped up, clapping their hands together to announce their presence. Ghost stories, a nice welcome to a strange camp. It was tradition according to Rhaena, a weird fucking tradition. 

It took a minute for everyone to settle down, specifically Aegon who kept poking you in your side. He did this consistently throughout your life, teased you until you gave him attention. Aeg was like an older brother but worse and more pervy. Introductions, getting to know each other, and then finally the fucking story. The entire thing was unbearably boring. 

“Many years ago, a mad woman lived here with her son before her land was sold to us. It is said after years of listening to the campers next door she went insane. She butchered every single camper, except one who drowned her own son believing him to be the killer!” The crowd was silent, except the few gasps of some younger girls. You sat up in your seat, fixated on lore. 

“Not long after, a group of campers decided to explore the lake and the supposed haunted cabin. Of course, they were brave and didn’t believe in myths or legends. As they walked along the shore, they heard strange noises coming from the trees. Branches cracked, leaves rustled, and something seemed to be following them.” You weren’t easily frightened… but for some reason your nails were picking at the tips of your shorts. 

“They picked up their pace, escaping into the abandoned shack they originally thought to be safe. One brave boy ventured deeper inside, until he fell through the floor. An ear-piercing scream could be heard across the lake… He fell right on top of the mother’s remains!” Aemond wasn’t amused, he was far more entranced by the way the fire lit up your face. And the way your jaw hung with suspense at a silly ghost story. 

“They ran back to the main grounds, hoping to find safety! However, when they returned the camp was nearly empty. Not a single soul remained on this land. Ripples began forming in the lake below them, tree branches cracking the distance. They all began to panic, huddling in a circle… From the darkness of the lake emerged a looming figure, soaked head to toe with blood. He held out the machete in his hand and stormed towards them.” 

The outdoors became eerily silent, only the crackling fire provided comfort. You were on the edge of your seat, anticipating blood shed… “The next day the authorities arrived and found no trace of the bodies. No blood or weapons could be found anywhere in the vicinity. Twenty campers and counselors disappeared that night without a single trace…” You leaned back in your seat, that wasn’t an epic ending at all. It was like almost reaching an orgasm then being cut off. “it’s said every few years he comes back... He waits for the campers to get comfortable… to feel safe… Until-”

“Ahhhh!”

A dark figure in a black mask with a blood coated axe jumped out of the darkness. You screamed like a banshee, you jumped back in place, landing against Aemond’s chest. It felt like your eyes were going to pop out of your skull, or maybe your heart would explode. His arms wrapped around you lightly, you could barely feel them securing you into place. 

“Ahahaha! Ahahaha!  you’re so fucking jumpy! You’re like a little rabbit.” You stared at him blankly, then you stared at the people around you… No one else was screaming but you. Was the jump scare seriously not that terrifying to anyone but you. Aemond cleared his throat, “You good?” He didn’t mind you being close, he didn’t mind that you crushed his groin. In fact, he could stay like this for hours if there weren’t camp counselors staring him down. 

It was like an alarm going off in your head, you turned to look at Aemond for a second. Embarrassment quickly drowning all of your sensations. You slid off of his lap and back on the bench. No words were coming out, no thoughts being processed. Your cheeks were beaming red, this summer was going to be fucking hell. 

After the bonfire, aka your personal torment, your family and the new add ons Baela and Rhaena huddled into a lopsided circle by the lake. “I have an idea,” Aegon announced to the group. “Baela told me about the broken-down shack, and I think we should totally go check it out!” You looked around at everyone’s faces and they all seemed to be in agreement… “Haven’t you seen the movies? This is how everyone dies dumby.” 

Aegon scoffed, “Ok freakazoid, did you and Aemond switch bodies? ” He just killed two birds with one stone, or one sentence. Aemond was used to the slander, you however had a short fuse when it came to Egg boy. “Eat my shorts, Aegon!” He cocked an eyebrow, “Only if you ask nicely.” You faked a vomiting noise. Helaena made a sour face, “That’s grody.” You paused; Helaena never used slang before. Aegon chimed in, “Are you done being pussy?” 

You began bickering instantly, the sounds of your petty argument and Aegon’s obnoxious laughter obviously killing the vibe. Daeron pushed into the center of the circle. “Everyone take a chill pill! How about we go to the cabin, and you stay here as a lookout.” Aegon clapped his hands together, “Awesome! We gotta go now before the counselors wake up.” You took a step back watching the group disperse towards the forest. Rhaena took Helaena’s hand and started bouncing off, leaking excitement. “Hel? Are you not gonna stay behind?” 

She paused, glanced between you both. “I- I just want to check it out! I’ll be back in a sec.” Rhaena raised a hand to wave, “Don’t stress! We won’t die!” You watched silently as your best friend got whisked off into the darkness. She’s never left you behind before, she’s never done adventurous things. She’s calm, quiet, quirky and, and you don’t like this. You don’t like this one bit. 

“You look jealous.” You whipped your body around, nearly stumbling on the leaves behind you. “Aemond? I thought you were going with them.” He smiled, just barely, “Exploring abandoned shacks isn’t my forte.” He definitely wasn’t staying behind because you were. He especially wasn’t staying behind to be alone with you. “Oh…” you stared at him, not a single thought in your brain. Why were you so nervous? Have you always been so nervous around him? 

It might be because you had to crane your neck up to look at him. “I’m not jealous!” He stalked behind you with his hands behind his back. “Is that so? You’ve looked pissed the past few hours.” Your brows furrowed, “Pissed? What no. It’s just… ever since we got here, I’ve had anxiety out the butt.” Aemond paused his steps, “I’m sorry about the bird. I should have been looking but I-”

“It’s not the bird. I mean it is kinda the bird, but this place gives me the creeps!” You held your arms out wide and twirled in a circle. You were trying to make a point. Aemond smiled to himself, “I get it. It’s too calm, the perfect place for a monster to hide out.” Your mouth gaped in faux shock; your hand went to swat at his arm. “Don’t joke! I’m being serious, it has bad vibes.”

“Hm,” he nodded his head as if agreeing or thinking, you couldn’t tell. “You just need to distract yourself from the bad vibes.” You cocked your head to the side, “How?” Aemond sat down on the little beach, motioning for you to follow. “We could play a game.” You followed suit, sitting with your legs crossed. “Which game?”

He picked up a pebble and threw it into the water. “I was hoping you would know.” Who would offer to play a game then not even know what game! “Uhhh all I know is twenty questions.” He tossed another pebble,“Great.” 

He was always straight forward and maybe a little too quiet. You couldn’t tell if he was doing this out of pity or he really wanted to play with you… Aemond Targaryen was a confusing man. “You’re agreeing that easily?” He finally turned to look at you, sincerity gracing his features. “I mean, all we know about each other is from what Helaena says so I don’t see why not.” You tapped your fingers on your chin, “Okay… Why’d you choose Vhagar as a pet name.” 

He hummed to himself, “I was twelve and thought it was a cool name for a big lizard. What’s your favorite song?” The same song that almost caused a car accident earlier, you thought to yourself. “Easy. Cruel Summer by Bananarama.” Aemond smiled, a smile that could genuinely light up the world. “Ah, that’s why you almost fist fought Aegon for radio rights.” You clapped your hands together, “It’s a great song! And it totally fits the vibes. Next question… What’s your favorite song?”

“For Whom the Bells Toll. I can play pretty much every Metallica song on guitar.” Your eyes lit up with excitement, “You’re a metalhead and you play?! Aemond I never knew that!” You sat up and grabbed his shoulders, tugging at them gently. “It’s not that impressive.” He made eye contact for a split second before his lips curled into a tiny smirk. “Oh please! don’t be coy. You need to play for me sometime… If you-” 

“Of course.” A sudden sting of embarrassment rose through him as quickly as he said it. He didn’t mean to cut you off, or seem so excited… “What’s something you regret?” You stopped invading his personal space and sat back, criss cross applesauce. What was something you regretted? You could be completely honest and go for it or make up a lie. You regretted many things in your life, too many to count. The only one you could think of now, “I regret not getting to know you sooner. You're super cool, Aemond.” 

Aemond felt his heart rate pick up its pace and his palms were getting all sweaty. He always knew you were pretty but seeing you excited over him took it to a new level. The way your eyes sparkled and the moonlight reflecting off of the water perfectly illuminating your features. For a second, he swore he saw your lip's part. Did you want to kiss him? No, he avoided you for years, no way you’d be into him now. Unless… 

 “What’s your favorite memory?” Aemond paused, obviously he couldn’t say the day you moved in. The day you nearly bit Aegon’s finger off for shoving it in his face. The day you awkwardly danced with him at prom because no one else would… “I think I’m gonna create my favorite this summer…” He leaned in, slowly but purposefully. Your cheeks lit up bright red, eyes bursting out of your skull. Was he going to kiss you? Is Aemond trying to kiss you?

Why aren’t you pulling back? Why are you leaning into him! Aemond murmured under his breath, “…with you.” For a second, and only a second you thought you would kiss. You never moved this fast, was he always this alluring? Ever since you got here everyone had been acting strange. Helaena is using slang and ditching you. All of the sudden Aegon is a natural born leader. Daeron is going on dangerous adventures with Aegon of all people… And you are about to kiss your best friend’s brother whom you barely know! 

“Ahhhhhhh”

An ear-piercing scream immediately caught both of your attention. “Helaena,” you said in unison. Aemond shot to his feet first, you quickly followed suit. He sprinted towards the forest, fastest you’ve ever seen him run. This wasn’t the time for I told you so but, you fucking told them so! 

All you could hear was yourself panting, twigs breaking, and leaves being crushed beneath your feet. Why did everything go quiet?! It felt like you were in the twilight zone. It felt as if you had been running for hours when you approached the cabin. Though it didn’t bring you any relief.  

Your heart sank as you realized that the door was left open, which could only mean that they were inside. You picked up the pace, thinking that you were running out of time. Believing they might be getting chopped up by an axe wielding maniac. 

When you finally reached the cabin, you saw your friends huddled inside. Helaena, Daeron and Rhaena stood there pointing flashlights towards the floor, unbothered. They looked more spooked by you two crashing their party than anything else. “Are you guys okay?” Aemond asked.

“We’re fine,” Daeron replied. “Aegon fell through the floor, though. He landed on a pile of bones.” You walked towards the hole, searching for any signs of life. “Is he hurt?” you asked, in a voice that sounded too sincere.

“Ah sweetheart! I knew you cared about me,” Aegon shouted beneath the floorboards. You deadpanned, “I change my mind, die.” You reached into the darkness anyways, trying to help pull Aegon out of the floor. “Jesus have you always been so heavy.” He snickered, “You’re just a weakling.” You slapped the top of his head, “I’ll drop you and you can spend the rest of your night in the hole.” As you bickered with Aegon, who was taking his sweet time crawling out of the floor. 

Aemond looked around the cabin, something was off. “What types of bones were they?” Helaena sighed, “More animal bones but I think it was from a deer this time.” He tapped his foot on the ground, “hm.” His eyes narrowed as he scanned the cabin, “which one of you screamed?” The girls looked at each other, confused. “None of us screamed, Aemond.” The group fell into a heavy silence before Daeron spoke up. “Let’s get the hell out of here. I don’t want the counselors to find us.”

You all quickly exited the cabin, making sure to leave it the way you found it, and made your way back to camp. The closer you got to your temporary home the worse you felt. Were you slowly having a psychotic break why are you so anxious? No, it wasn’t paranoia, something was wrong. 

Something was missing, someone was missing. You counted, one for Aegon, two for Helaena, three for Aemond, four for Daeron, five for Rhaena, six for… You stopped walking, causing everyone to turn their heads towards you. “Where’s Baela?”

[valsnonsense]

Floyd: I'm so lucky you came into my life...

Creek: Heh... I'm the one who's lucky..

Floyd: I love you so much, Raindrop...

Creek: I love you too, Sugar Plum

Today I come out as a soft Fleek enjoyer. I love psycho Creek and toxic yaoi fleek as much as the next fella, but soft, healing Fleek is the true owner if my heart.

(Don't worry Creek is still kind of a cunt, I won't take that away from him. Mans an asshole)

Personal headcanons alert!!! (This image falls into my Depths AU, hence Creek's lack of an arm)

TW: Mentions of drug abuse and alcoholism/self destructive actions

Creek sold out his entire people to save his own skin. Why did he do it? There's really only one reason. Guy was scared. Terrified. He was staring death in the face. In the literal jaws of a creature that would devour him without second thought. And fear makes us do stupid things. Things we regret. Things we can NEVER take back.

Creek is genuinely remorseful about his actions. When he winds up alone, fighting for his life every day, he feels he deserves it. He deserves to be alone. To die alone. He may have saved his own life in that moment. But he doomed himself to a life of solitude.

Until Floyd came into his life.

Now Floyd has made his own handful of mistakes. I personally love the headcanon that Floyd feel into some BAD habits during his solo career. I'm talking party drugs, drinking, ext. Mans a party animal, or at least he was. Until it got his ass hundreds in debt, mooching off any who'd take pity on him, then eventually captured.

I like to think that all the brothers did at one point try and go back home, only to find Branch gone and the tree in ruin. Like JD, Floyd though Branch was dead. He thought all of them were dead. So what did he do? He drowned himself in music, drugs, and alcohol. He failed his baby brother. The one promise he made, he failed to fufill. He destroyed himself every day after that. It was a punishment in a way.

Creek and Floyd are both broken, lost souls, riddled with guilt over past actions and failed promises. They understand one another on a level no one else can.

Floyd helps Creek reconnect with others and works to him redeeming himself in the eyes of the Trolls. And in return, Creek helps Floyd manage his PTSD, anxieties, and chronic pain

Now since the whole "spiritual/namaste" thing is actually INCREDIBLY insensitive to various east Asian cultures, I headcanon that Creek was the village physical therapist, chiropractor, physiotherapist, acupuncturist, basically a doctor who helped Trolls manage chronic pain, injuries, ext.

He did teach yoga classes, but mainly as a hobby, and to help Trolls practice body positivity.

These two lead a quiet life following all that happened to them. Guys are tired af and need a nap

I love these two as a sweeter couple. Floyd thinks Creek is stupid af but he loves him for it.

Okay imma shut up now this got LONG-