#Basically my mental health has been to an all time low for the last 2 years but I didn't do anything about it

[enjoltrwolfstar]

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[damon-loves-pie]

“Care to Remake One of Those Scenes?”

"Care to Remake One of Those Scenes"

Pt. 1??????????? (Let me know down below.)

Pairing: Eddie Munson x fem!reader.

Word count: About 2,400 words

Warnings: 18+, Older Henderson Sibling, talks about Erotic writing, mentions of porn, implied sexual relations, and a little choking, talks about worried of mental health. I think that is it, but please let me know in the comments if I missed anything. 

Summary: Older Henderson Sibling had been avoiding Eddie and the rest of their friends since finding a new Erotic book which has taken up all of her free time. Best friend Eddie confronts her, and see’s how dirty his best friend really is when he reads a page from her book. NOT REALLY ANY SMUT, But pretty fluffy. 

Author’s note: Hello everyone I AM BACK! I mean I am still depressed as fuck, which is why I stopped writing in the first place, plus I just had a lot go on in the last couple of months. But I think I’m ready to get back to writing. ANYWAY, moving on, I really wanted to write smut into this but I just couldn’t get myself to because I wanted to get it posted since coming up with the idea yesterday. I really hope you enjoy but please don’t come for me since I know I keep changing between different tenses, I’m just too depressed and lazy to care to go back to change it. 

But I may, and I mean may make a part 2 if it gets requested enough. But enjoy my babies, and hope you are all doing well! 

Writing Masterlist

Eddie and Dustin strolled into the Henderson home after a successful campaign looking for the eldest Henderson sibling, you had been actively avoiding everyone the since Monday. Worried, they wondered why you said you were going to be unable to pick the younger sibling up after hellfire was over tonight, it wasn't like you to not show up. Little did they know it wasn't anything as serious as Eddie thought it was, you were just caught up in a daydream of what you wished your life was.

"(Y/N)?" Eddie called out as he shut the front door behind him, causing a loud bang to echo throughout the living room. Dustin winced as he finger flied straight to his ear to protect his hearing. After having his eardrums basically blew out on the ride here, his ears were sore.

"She's probably in her room, her car is outside." He motions to the hall, setting his bag down as he walked to the kitchen to find something to consume after a long day. He knew you were probably okay, and would come forward eventually if there was anything serious going on. Yeah it was a little weird to him that you would not show up to a place Eddie was going to be to, but he knew it wasn't anything serious.

Hell he's hoping soon you two would realize you were into each other.

Eddie nodded at the younger kid before making his way to your bedroom, wanting to check on his bestfriend. He knows you get like this sometimes but can't help but worry each time scared one time there will actually be something keeping you from him.

You hadn't heard them come in, you were laying comfortably on your bed with a book sprawled out in front of you, and headphones blasting music from your Walkman. The smile on your face was wide as you read one of the best books of your life, legs kicking happily behind you while you chewed on your thumbnail in anticipation on what was going to come next.

Eddie knocked on your door, waiting for an answer or to see the door open. A few moments passed without any acknowledgment, so he pressed his head against the door, hearing the low sound of music playing. Standing there for a few more moments he decided to open the door, praying he wouldn't be intruding in a private moment. Once someone hits middle school, you never know what you're going to get when you enter someone's room unannounced.

Leaning slightly into the room, he spotted you on the bed. You were smiling to yourself as you read your book. He smiled at the sight of you, happy to see you at least looked like you were doing fine. But the smile soon turned to a slight frown as he wondered what was so special about the book that it made you fall away from reality the past couple days. He felt like he's barely talked to you. Every time he's seen you, your head has been buried in that novel.

He was done living second place to a book, he missed his best friend and he wanted to spend some time with you, he wasn't going to let the book take away your usual Friday night movie nights. He survived not seeing you much this week, but he wasn't about to sacrifice a weekend. Sneaking into the room, he quietly shuts the door behind him, trying to not make a noise as he creeps behind you.  

Your mind was still intwined with your book, still not noticing his presence yet. Your smile was  widening more as Christian and Alice sneaked away into the closet of their workplace, unable to keep their hands off each other. Your face reddened as your eyes skimmed over the dirty scene wishing ever so much Eddie was Christian and you were Alice, sneaking into the janitors room between classes. You too understood how hard it was to keep your hands to yourself when Eddie would wear a certain pair of jeans.

You had thought about doing more than friendly things with Eddie so much that your favorite troupe had became friends to lovers, waiting for the day that maybe someday it would happen to you. Almost all the stories you've consumed other than for class lately had been centered around the troupe to help you manage with not being able to confess your feelings to Eddie.

You didn't have time to comprehend as Eddie snatched the book from behind you, making you jump at the sudden action of the stack of paper being ripped from your hands. Realizing what happen, you yank off your Walkman, turning to him as he held your dirty little secret in his hands, slight smirk on his face as he waves it slightly.

Your eyes widened as he went to open it.

"Wait! Eddie please give it back! Please, I don't want you to lose my spot." You reached for it as the metalhead took a step back, waving his finger at you as he tsks, the noise echoing through your brain as your mind races at what he would think if he knew what he was holding in his hands.

"Not till I know what's so great about this thing, and why it's keeping my best friend from me. You had me worried all week." Eddie speaks, scanning the cover for any indication on what it's about, which you thanked a god you didn't even believe in, that the cover looked like a normal book cover.

Your eyes met his as you physically pleaded.

"I'm sorry that I had you worried, but it's nothing special, I promise you. It wouldn't be of interest to you, it doesn't have anything mythical or magical. Can I please have it back?" You asked again, a little more eagerly.

Eddie shook his head no, holding the book in his hand as he took a seat in the desk chair next to your bed. His fingers held the page you were on last as he got comfortable in the wooden chair. He took another look at the book before looking back at your tense body, sensing you were hiding something.

"Come on (Y/N), it has to be somewhat interesting. You're acting like me when I checked out Lord of the Rings. " He argued, making you sigh as you realized there was no way of getting out of this unless you somehow manage to get the book out his ring-covered hands.

You sat up a little taller in hopes of seeming more convincing, as you pointed back to the book.

"It's just some girly book Eddie, romance. All that gooey gross romantic shit." You shrug, which wasn't a complete lie. It was friends to lovers, just he didn't need to know about the erotic portion of it.

Eddie's eyes met yours after you glanced down at the book before bringing your line of sight back to his. He didn't believe you, he knew you were holding something back in order to save yourself. He didn't want you to think you had to hide yourself from him, hell if anyone knows what it's like to be into weird things, it's him.

"What's so great about this romance that you couldn't even pick Dustin up from Hellfire tonight?" He asks, leaning forward as he holds the book out in front of him, the book ever so slightly dangling between his fingers as he teased you.

"Maybe I was too caught up in it because of my lack of one." You shrugged, which is partially true. It's hard to just be friends with Eddie when you want to be more, you needed an outlet.

Eddie watched your body language as he continued motioning the book in front of you like you were an animal he was trying to catch.

"Mmmh, and even though the book is nothing special you want to spend all your time reading it?" He asked as your eyes focused on his hands.

"Yes. Now since I've answered your questions, can I please have it back?" You begged, well  basically yelled as you stood up, flinging yourself at your book, hoping to get it out of his grasp. You just knew Eddie would never let this go if he found out the kind of things you liked to enjoy in your free time.

Eddie was too fast for you though, he knew you too well and could already see it from your body language that you were going to try coming for the book. He had stood up and turned around before you even reached him, chuckling slightly as he shook his head.

Tsking you again, he opened the book.

"You bad girl, trying to steal it back- You can't have the book till I read the last page you were on. Then, and I mean then maybe I'll decide if this book is good enough to have put our friendship on hold." He laughed as he glanced down at the long paragraphs in front of him.

Your voice felt needy as you pleaded for him not to.

"No Eddie, please don't. I'm begging you."  Eddie turned towards you, ready to read what was consuming your free time.

"Come on (Y/N) it's just a book, it can't be that bad." He reassured, eyes darting across the first line as your brought your hands to your hair. Knowing there was no way to get out of this.

Eddie's eyes widen as he read the page, cheeks reddening as much as yours. Not even halfway done with the page he decides he has to say something.

"You're not only a bad girl, you're also a dirty one!" He grinned, he hadn't realized his best friend would read something so filthy. He knew you weren't innocent but god were you more dirty than he knew.

His comment makes you groan out in embarrassment as you sat on your bed while he continues.

"You're not reading a book (Y/N), you're reading porn." He laughed lightly, eyes darkening as he finished the page.

"You literally have dirty magazines in your room." You argued, feeling your body burn as he closed the book to focus on you.

"But that's different, my porn has pictures. Plus I use them for personal pleasure, and I don't read them in public around my friends." He taunts, as his eyebrow raised, "Do you use this for personal pleasure?" He questions, making you turn more red at the conversation at hand.

Why couldn't I had just picked Dustin up, you cursed yourself as you turned back towards him.

"No." You answered, shrugging slightly as he looked at you with a 'really' expression, not believing your words one bit. He knew for a fact you got off, hell just last week you and Robin went to the 'toy store.'

Sighing, you speak because you were already caught. Plus it wasn't like he didn't know about your sex life, or lack there of this year.

"Okay, not like while reading but sometimes after, when I'm laying in bed at night." You tell him, your cheeks blushing as he smiles more.

"How often do you read this kind of stuff?" Eddie asks, taking a seat next to you, deciding it was finally time to hand you back your so called book, which he would claim was porn with words.

"More often than I want to admit," You laughed, looking down worn out pages.  

"God you're as big of a perv as me," He grinned, leaning back onto the bed with his hands behind his head. Catching your eyes as they twinkled down at him.

"I still think you're a bigger one," You joked, setting your book and Walkman down on the dresser before leaning back next to him.

"Hey, at least I'm open about my pervyness." He states, lightly tapping your elbow with his.

"Well I'm sorry that I don't want to shout to the world I like to read erotica." You giggled as you turned to look at him, the rocker licking his lips as his mind races.  

"What do you think about as you read it?"

"What do you mean?" You questioned, feeling your face redden.

"What goes through your head, as you read about Christian and Alice?" He challenged, voice sounding thick. Your eyes flicked across his face as butterflies erupted in your stomach.

"I liked to picture myself as Alice, sometimes." You tell him, as he leaned onto his side taking in your words.  

"And who do you see as Christian?" He hums, free hand moving to push your hair behind your ear before resting on the side of your neck.

"Does it really matter?" You breathe out slowly when you realized how close you and Eddie had actually become on the bed.

"Very." He whispers, hand still lingering on your neck.  

You gulp taking a deep breathe, nervous at the sight in front of you, wondering if you were imagining it.  

"Come on sweetheart, who do you think about?" He asks again, eyes darting between your lips and eyes.

"I-i don't want to say." You stutter, breathing getting heavier as the tension thickens. He chuckles to himself lightly at the sight of you underneath him, basically already falling apart. Your chest moved up and down slowly as he eyed the necklace sitting on your neck, twiring it between his fingers, making you take a deep inhale at the light touch.  

He rolls over leaning more above you, your face just inches from his as he mumbles down at your lips, before bringing his eyes back to yours.

"What would Alice do in one of those scenes of your book baby? I bet she would tell Christian when he asked, wouldn't she?" He hums down at you, looking at you in a way he had never done before.

"You, I think about you." You breathe out, letting out a breathe you didn't even realize you were holding.

A smirk comes across Eddie's face as your necklace tightens around your neck while he brings his face closer to yours, his strong hands holding it tightly.

"Care to remake one of the scenes?" He whispers against your lips, barely brushing against them.

A sigh slips your lips against his.

"Please." You beg, your soft hands moving up to his hair as his lips crash against yours.

You knew just by how he was holding you, this wasn't going to be the last time you begged him tonight just like it wasn't the first.

[jellybeanium124]

Hi, Australian Jew here.

Sending this anonymously because I'm not openly Jewish on Tumblr, however I am considering doing so in the short-term.

I'm sorry to bother you but I wanted to ask you a few questions, if you're open to it (feel free to ignore this if so). Just so you know, I'm asking the same questions of the Jewish bloggers I follow who post regularly - both those who blog about the current Israel/Palestine situation, and those who identify as Jewish but post mainly fandom/other content.

Do you or have you receive/d abuse for being Jewish, or for your stance on the war? If so, how often? How do you respond to any hateful messages? Do you post them publicly or answer them privately? How much would you say your mental health is/has been affected by any messages, or by the content you see on your feed? Have you developed any strategies for handling social media during this time?

Thank you for reading. :-)

I've received maybe half a dozen antisemitic hate anons since 10/7. I wanna say maybe 2 or 3 between june 7, 2020 (when I created this blog) and oct 7, 2023. I think I've posted the hate anons publicly once or twice, but after that I just screenshotted, blocked them, and sent them to one of my jewish friends for mocking. honestly they didn't bother me that much. a lot of them were low effort. nobody even threatened to kill me. the terfs put more effort into harassing me and I'm not even trans. frankly the antisemites need to step up their game.

while the messages haven't hurt me... yeah... the war in general has affected me. I've lost a lot of faith in the strength of my relationships with goyim. several of them have left me. every time I post about the war I'm certain I'm going to lose another friend, and that hurts. it's been a little nerve-wracking discussing it with my irl goyische friends, but to my massive relief all of them are normal about the situation. however, about a month ago, me and a friend of 15 years got into a small tiff about it, and when they went radio silent all day, visions of them hating me filled my head and I had to send a super annoying socially anxious text to make sure they don't hate me now. thank gd they do not. I love them deeply and want them to be in my life for as long as we live. we still have to come up with a gender-neutral alternative to aunt/uncle for my kids to call them someday. if they decided to cut me off that would've been the last straw for a mental breakdown, actually.

sometimes it gets really tough to see this stuff on my dash. I've gotten better at just filtering out all the blocked posts that pass me by. to be perfectly, 100% honest with you, if tumblr didn't allow me to block content so thoroughly and I had to see every single post about the war put onto my dash... I would've left tumblr months ago. or just unfollowed 95% of the people I follow. I could not handle that. I'm sorry. this war did upset me enough to the point where I decided to take a two-day break from tumblr (I... have a problem... you all know how much time I spend here...). I've lost a close friend on tumblr of several years that made me cry. as for other social media? I only look at two people's instagram stories these days. one of my friends, who posts her outfits daily and basically nothing else, and con o'neill. I don't trust anyone else not to put stuff that will upset me in front of my eyes. I've unfollowed a couple of people on instagram because I can't block stuff as thoroughly there. I'm also just... not on ig that much.

the past several months have also made me deeply disillusioned with the state of the left. why should I care about unrelated leftist movements when I know all of my comrades there would turn on me in a millisecond if they knew that I thought israel should keep existing even though it's done horrible things? it's turned me off of activism... seeing these "pro-palestine" protests quickly turn into "harass jews" protests and the way these college students discuss these issues, fetishizing palestinian pain and not knowing a single thing about it, is just... it makes it all feel so fake and hollow. these privileged college kids are comparing themselves to gazans and I'm supposed to believe they actually care about gazans and don't just want to feel like righteous heroes? these people verbally and physically harass jews and I'm supposed to believe they're the good guys? I don't like feeling this way. I wish I didn't feel this way. but right now the only political action I give a shit about is voting. I'm gonna vote. I'm always gonna vote. but why on earth would I get involved with people who say "punch nazis" until nazis are on their side and increase their numbers then suddenly it's all "uwu nazis are hard to get rid of 🥺?"

I understand why you're hiding your jewishness. I've started hiding it too. I stopped wearing my magen david on october 13th. I recently had my first paid film gig (yay for that at least), and whenever I was telling a story that involved my jewishness in some way, I bent the truth to go around that tidbit and told no one. someone asked if I was irish. I answered I was eastern european. a year ago I would've said I was jewish without a second thought.

I'm tired. I want the war to end. I want there to be a peace deal. I want innocent civilians to stop dying and be safe.

I don't think I'm brave, or anything. I'm a safe lil american thousands of miles away. I don't know what palestinians and israelis are living through right now. my pain is a single molecule of sand compared to the pain people actually affected by this war have gone through. all I want is for people to listen to us. I don't speak up to be brave, I speak up because knowing a jew is the only inoculation against the hatred spreading through the pro-palestine movement. because if you know me, then jews aren't foreign. noa's a jew. noa's my friend. noa likes billy joel. noa writes silly incorrect quote posts. noa's a person. she's not some scary unknown. she's my friend.

I wish people still wanted to be my friend.

[gravity-falls-fanatic89]

In the last few days, I saw 2 women I used to workout with at our local gym. I'd went there for a little over 2 years, but the cost of it just became a lot to swallow($110 a month), and made no progress, so I quit.

Both these ladies had worked out with me regularly, and saw me, looked directly at me, and ignored me. As far as I knew, we weren't on bad terms, and at the same time, I was relieved I wasn't going there anymore. No one has reached out that I made "friends" with on Facebook, even though my sister still going there said "They miss you all the time." The only people to reach out are the owners, and it's to renew.

Looking back at it, it had a very Stepford Wives feel, where if you didn't live, breathe, and die by the place, then you eventually just didn't exist unless you quit.

I moved on, and took more interest in Gravity Falls, and the community it has. Do I see where it can get toxic? Absolutely. Most fandoms can. So I carefully cultivate how I spend my time, what I read and watch, and who I'm talking to. And it's felt a lot healthier to me. I've found friends that will talk with me daily, and be mental health support or just....A genuine friend.

I thought trying something awhile ago like the gym would be good for me, and get me out there and maybe find people. In this instance, it was just the stereotypical burnt out, Starbucks guzzling, basic moms, griping about first world struggles, which is fine, but not for me. Anytime, while still being at the gym, I would see these other women beyond it, and polite conversations always came back to their insane regimens and preparing for the next workout, some going to classes 2-3 times a day. It's like that's all they had.

And for awhile, after leaving the gym, Gravity Falls was all I had for months. And I finally warmed up to talking on Facebook, and over time, made a handful of friends.

These people go beyond the scope of the show, and we actually intertwine out lives talking. Some of my friends have seen me cry at low points, been there for my high points, and weather many storms with me. I figured I was broke or a freak, which, when you find the wrong crowd, it can feel like it's reiterated. Nah, it was a stepping stone to find the crowd that fits me. I found my people that took me in, and love me as I am.

[facetsofthecloset]

15 Questions 15 Mutuals

Was tagged by @meteor--shards​, but tumblr tumblred and didn’t notify me at all! I just happened to see the post while scrolling luckily lol

(idk why this keeps happening even when people tag my main blog. should probably contact support about that >_>)

Were you named after anyone?

Yes, my first name came from my dad’s tai chi teacher’s wife. Which sounds like a weird random connection, but they were practically his second set of parents so, yeah.

When was the last time you cried?

Yesterday. This morning? idk man i’m on an emergency trip back home at my parent’s place for mental health reasons i am not at my most resilient rn

Do you have kids?

As in actual kids I birthed myself, hell fucking no, but considering the age gap between me and my brothers I half-consider them my own kids in some ways.

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Why no, never. Not at all. Not even the tiniest slightest bit. Perish the thought.

[^i’m lying for the bit] What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Uhh, never really thought about it, but if we’re meeting in person, probably their height?? Just because most people are taller than me so the first thing I have to do is crane my neck lol

If we’re talking about online, I only ever use tumblr, so probably their tags

What’s your eye color?

Brown. Pretty much black though.

Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings, usually, because for a long time I was too wimpy for any kind of horror. In recent years I’ve really started getting into it but I still tend to go to media for happy endings because real life generates enough horror for me most days MY GOD what is happening with the chickens!?!

Sorry our flock of chicks was being really loud just now because one got separated by a thin concrete wall that was very echo-y lol (they’re fine now)

Any special talents?

Eh, dunno about that. My party trick used to be leaning over backwards really low (think, like, for playing limbo or Matrix bullet-dodging) without falling over or touching the ground, but the pandemic nuked my stamina and all physical ability, so I’ve just been in mild but constant pain for the past year or so.

I guess I’m decently quick at picking up the very basics of new creative mediums (paints or embroidery or whatever), maybe that counts.

Where were you born?

Japan. Oh dear that chick got separated again hang on

nvm it was a second chick that got separated earlier as well and was hanging around the kitchen door, which was why it was so loud. It’s fine and much quieter now.

What are your hobbies?

Writing and drawing mainly, but I’m the kind of person who has five million hobbies because I need to rotate between them to keep myself interested. So auxiliary hobbies include costume making (covers a lot of different hobbies honestly), swimming (in the ocean. and not like, proper forms and all that. just being in the water basically), parkour (can’t at present for physical condition), roller/ice skating (once again, not atm), started woodcarving the other day (kinda falls under costume making because i’m trying to make a wizard staff lol) and whatever else I feel like taking a stab at for one day and then maybe never again (I should try fencing. maybe when my back isn’t in constant pain)

Have any pets?

At my parent’s place, there’s a cat, a dog (both fairly elderly), bunch of half-wild chickens, various fish, and a tortoise (the kind that get big). Don’t keep any pets at my place because I travel back and forth too much and it wouldn’t work logistically.

What sports do you play/have you played?

Like on an official team/club? None, aside from parkour briefly. Otherwise it’s stuff I mentioned in hobbies that I learned either on my own or had a friend casually give me tips or something. My parents have been teaching me tai chi on and off through the years? Does that count it’s a martial art isn’t it I mean

How tall are you?

5′2″ is what I tell people. Technically I’m just a hair too short for that but it sounds defensive to say 5′1.8″ when I don’t actually care that much lol

Favorite subject in school?

Art, enjoyed the marine biology course I got to take in hs. Was good at English but never loved the way any of my teachers taught it. Technically my hs history class was my favorite but that was bc of the teacher and not the subject matter.

Dream job?

I’ve always wanted to be a fantasy writer, but I figure that can be a long term goal. For now, for a job that would sustain me? I would LOVE to be involved in theater costuming or even just grunt work in a production company. Something creative and silly. I’m considering applying to work at Tokyo Disneyland despite grievances with the company overall just because being in a themed environment every day and getting to see “behind the scenes” does sound fun. Even though I’m sure the work culture is probably horrible. idk something to do with costumes or practical effects would be amazing.

I also love bugs and animals but I have a harder time visualizing myself working in related fields there

I don’t have 15 active mutuals, but: @mariegoos, @vonlipvig​, or anyone else who wants to play, feel free! No pressure tho

Thanks for the tag! It was fun :)

[darkobssessions]

I'm getting really angry at how nothing about work or workplaces is geared for neurodivergents and especially autistics.

Absolutely nothing from the set up, the requirements, the social element, the hours, the expectations, the environment. Nothing.

Not the resumes and cover letters, nor the interviews, nor the vague conditions and agreements upon employment.

Am I a bit late to the party? Maybe. But it is because I only found out I was autistic in 2021 and have a patchy work history, leaving jobs, doing part-time gigs, and burning out in my education career.

I'm in severe burnout but also in a position where I have to get independent and fast away from my abusive family. I've basically dedicated my existence to job search, resume writing, and applications for the last 2 years (I lived with my partner for some of that time but had to leave the UK due to no full time job/visa and then with my parents the rest of the time working at the only career I've had that's paid me consistently: education).

The only problem is passion projects are impossible when you're burnt out, and careers often burn autistics out (because of set up of workplace cultures). I love teaching. I don't love demands, social elements and sensory overload.

My experience basically qualifies me most strongly for educational jobs.

But I am finding everyone is requiring so much all of the time, even in the process of hiring and giving you so so so little that it isn't even worth it.

'We'll hire you, but maybe only one day a week.'

'We don't know when you can start, HR has a huge backlog right now we will let you know when we know more.'

'You need to do these 5 trainings before you begin and go book fingerprinting and background checks.'

They want you to give everything and pay you a part-time wage.

Or they want you to give 40+ hours. Or super early in the morning (which is not possible with my burnout, mental health, moods and physical issues). Not to mention the 'benefits' of a minimal number of sick days they pat themselves on the back for 'awarding' you with, let alone miniscule holidays, and sickeningly low pay for cost of living.

It's all so hostile for NDs.

At first I looked and looked for something fulfilling, and since I have experience, education makes sense. I love teaching. But it's not great if I don't want to be burnt out and on the edge of meltdown daily.

Now I am looking for something part-time that leaves me alone and I can come home from not having been completely overloaded (maybe warehouse work, factories, bookstores, grocery stocking). I thought I wanted to be invested in what I was doing but coupled with what I'm experiencing and what I've read from others about their burnout and jobs, it looks like this may be the way to go.

To put this into perspective, even if something seems like a really good fit because of your experience/career/background or interests there will be a catch or a requirement that it is impossible to fulfill. There's a part-time youth instructing job at a recycling centre gearing them up for graduating and careers which sounded like a great fit until I got to the part where it said it needs you to have a driving license since you will 'ocassionally' need to transport students (ages 16-24!).

Why?

Why must I be an educator AND a social butterfly AND a driver and navigator?

Why?!

It's cheaper and better for them if their workers do everything but it's prohibitive to those of us that have issues and disabilities.

I'm sorry but my abilities as a teacher have no bearing whatsoever on my ability to drive. Driving extracts so much energy from me, is terribly dangerous when I am overwhelmed or melting down, and causes me to panic regularly. I don't notice as much what is going on around me when I am overwhelmed and make mistakes if I am pressured. I have trouble recognising a route even if I frequent it. Places look different at different hours of the day. My ability to navigate is extremely low. My ability to teach is honestly why I was born.

Why must every single role expect you to be neurotypical?

Why to protect our mental health can we only do minimum wage jobs?

Why is this system stacked against us?

I'm so frustrated right now and if I could just make some money to be independent of abuse I could funnel it into creating BETTER for us because we sure as anything deserve it.

[wongyuuu]

Let’s Talk Boys Planet | Elimination 2

The second round of eliminations is finally over. We’ll go through the top 9 and then a few other contestants that deserve some attention (good or bad).

#1 Hanbin – I mean, nothing new to see here. Will he pull a Cai Xukun and be center, place first throughout the entire competition and then be center and first place again? Probably and honestly I don’t blame people for it.  If we have to compare to PDX (we don’t have to but I want to), I think Yohan was a bit more charismatic but Hanbin is overall more well rounded, but Yohan had been a trainee for a very short period of time back then.

#2 Zhag Hao – I mean, the centers be centering idk. He is very good, and does his best always. I think he will look great in the final group.

#3 Yujin – I have no doubt he will debut and I honestly think he did a good job in Law, where did that low voice of his even came from? However, his mental health really concerns me. I don’t know how much of the way he acts is him being an introvert (and this kind of environment doesn’t helpt at all) and how much is because that stupid judge decided that it would be a good idea do talk a fucking teenager like he was a 35 year old man. I hope that as time goes on and he realizes how talented he is, his confidence will come back. I know a lot of people are against him debuting because he is so young but honestly most people don’t actually give a shit, if they did Wonyoung wouldn’t have debuted in Izone, Dohyung wouldn’t have debuted in X1, Somi wouldn’t have been in I.O.I and so many others that didn’t go through a reality show like this. People are making a big deal out of it but they don’t actually care.  And let’s be clear, once the show is over and he does make the cut, people will not say “I won’t stan this group because he is too young”. I bet whatever you guys want that in less than six months someone will have written filthy smut with him as the main character and will sexualize everything he does. So please, don’t be hypocrites, if you don’t like him just say so, okay?

#4 Matthew – I like him, I was voting for him but I’m not crazy over him. The second I had to drop someone from my voting list he was the first one to go. This doesn't mean that he is bad, it just means that he doesn’t do it for as much as he does for other people.

#5 Jiwoong - Like I said before, sometime I am a basic bitch. Comparing to PDX (we don’t have to but we will), Jiwoong gives me very much Wooseok vibes, in the sense that he looks very cold and sometimes it makes me wonder if he even wants to be there. He isn’t the best singer but he’s a good dancer in the idol form not like a dancer, dancer. In these few last episodes we were able to see some of his personality and he longer seems to cosplay Elsa.

#6 Gyuvin – Sometimes the basic bitch doesn’t get it, okay? I don’t personally think that he is handsome, he hardly sings in the songs that he was given, and he is an okay dancer I think. I can’t even remember which song he chose in the second round (after much though, like 2 whole minutes, I remembered that he was in Love Killa). So, again, comparing to PDX, he gives Jungmo vibes but with a Minhee lookalike face.

#7 Taerae – I knew that was going to make it into the top 9 and I’m sure he won’t be getting out of it at all, Koreans do love him and he deserves it. He is such a good singer. His voice is so calming and beautiful and he has the sweetest smile. Him and Keita were the only one who made into top 9 without any benefits and that’s very hot of them.

#8 Keita – dude is outstanding. He can sing, can dance, can rap, is super talented (YG is a dumb bitch). Apparently his only negative point, according to Kntez, is the fact that he isn’t tall but he love a short king. I don’t how much his rank will fluctuate now that we can only vote for 3 people but I hope he can debut because Rain is basically selling his group out.

#9 Gunwook – HE MADE IT!! By a short margin, almost didn’t, but he’s here. I hope he stays here and doesn’t go anywhere at all. I love him so much, from the first episode. It seems that Mnet wants him debut so I’m assuming that he will get a lot of positive editing in the next episodes so try and get him to rank higher. People think that he is scary but he is actually just a giant baby who knows that he is good GOOD. The fact that he gets in the top 9, if we just consider the Korean votes, makes me really happy and hope that there’s a chance of him making it.

And now onto the trainees that didn’t made it but I want to mention:

Hui – I called it in my last post, he dropped and he won’t be getting back up. I have a feeling that since the Hyuna and Dawn thing people have a personal vendetta against Pentagon and the members, Hui most of all. I remember how during RTK all the other groups voted for Pentagon but their votes were actually very low when it came from the audience. So yeah, he is great but he won’t make it here. I hope he can debut solo, for real, and have everyone by the balls like B.I did with BTBT.

Jongwoo – I decided to give him my third vote even though he didn’t make it the first and second round. Dude is crazy good, a born leader (I loved to see him chewing up Ma Jing Xian’s ass, that guys really need a wake up call and that was so hot of him). I hope he is the dark horse of the season. From the current top 9, I would take out Gyuvin and get him up there, but realistic he is probably against Gunwook which makes me nervous. I guess it’s a good think that I’m voting for both of them.

Shuaibo – Please tell me what you guys see in this dude, PLEASE. When I said that I don’t get the hype Gyuvin it wasn’t hate, I don’t get it but I accept it. With this guy is pure hate. Like, I watched his fancams and I don’t get it. He half asses everything. HE WANTED Feel Special, he chose it from the started, said it was the only song he wanted, and then proceeded to boycott his own team. Woongi carried the whole performance on his own and for some reason Shuaibo still placed first, still placed higher than Woongi the overall rank. You can’t say that you’re voting for him because he is handsome, because he is not. So what the hell is it? Is it pitty because he didn’t make it to the chinese show is was part of of? TELL ME WHAT IT IS! People say that he is great but I’m yet to see anything from him. He is low-average at best. My hate comes from the fact that he is trying to be in a group but he is not a team player and he doesn’t even try to hide it. I saw people commenting on the fact that that Mnet always cuts his speeches but honestly, thank god. He ranks this high being bad and having a bad edit on his back, imagine what he would do if he could have a single chance to do anything that isn’t hateful.

Wang Zihao – He has no chance of making it into the group. Mnet hates him, dude never even got a mic during the recordings but he is sooooooo good. H was someone I paid attention to during Kill This Love and then again in Law. Mnet, you piece of shit. H will probably be eliminated in the next round since he had very little votes in Korea (the lowest of them all 30k only) but I still want to see him kick some ass in the next round.

My three votes for this round go to Gunwook, Jiwoong and Jongwoo.

It’s really interesting to see how much the ranks change if you take into consideration only the Korean votes or only the Global votes. One of them has 5 global trainees and the other one only has 2. Any wild guesses?

I guess that’s all I had to say. I’m looking forward to see which song will be the song of the season, like U Got I and Move were for Produce X. The song that the group will carry with them once the show is over.

I talked so much about X1 and PDX in this post. I’m going to hate myself but I’ll go back and watch of the performances again.

[wigglebox]

Hi! I always wanted to ask, even if its a silly thing, but I never saw an artist with your style and I think its really cute that your dean and cas have such bitable noses (they just look so fluffy). Where did it came the idea to make them like that?

hi!!!

lmao omg biteable noses i haven't heard that one awlefjawlkejaw i love it so much. why boop when you can boop with your teefs!

so i waited to answer this until i was back on my computer to basically say: idk!

but the longer answer is i was always interested in making the nose the focal point of the face. all my art style journeys always made sure i would put the nose for you to see it and always make it red lol.

i haven't drawn in a few years, about 3 years, until last fall and i wasn't happy with my style anymore. it felt too morose when i was just wanting to feel happy because the world around me is just meh and blegh every day, my job is stressful, and i wanted something to just keep me happy.

this was my art 3 years ago

and i liked this style -- but it was also limiting for me bc it just always made me feel less vibrant and just more quiet and a little sad

but over the last 7 years these were styles i would do for a drawing or two every so often while i was still trying to figure my style out until i arrived at ^ 

I think this one is the closest one i can get to now 

but there were other attempts:

i thought it was a limiting style though because they don’t have a fully drawn eye and the noses kind of reminded me of a newspaper comic strip i used to see growing up falled Funky Winkerbean. I don’t know why -- their noses definetly aren’t like this -- but whatever pfft. 

But I still found the lack of eyes limiting, and that these were too cutesy, but also i couldn’t figure out how to make it constantly work so i just abandoned it and went back to my normal stuff. 

like i said, i hadn’t drawn for a few years but last october, i was feeling frustrated not being able to find the proper motivation to do winchester-relod’s Suptober challenge so i doodled this dude [by now i didn’t have my tablet and so any time i sporadically drew since 2018 i just drew on my phone]

and then idk people thought he looked cute?

and then i drew this a few days later:

with these tags: idk I am feeling squishy and gooesy this Saturday and want a hug, Jennifer why are you drawing big noses, because I have no idea bht it’s fun

lol

and i guess it just kept going from there? people thought it looked cute, and i thought it was warm and happy and it made me happy to draw it. 

obviously looking at the art even from 9 months ago the style has changed as i figured out what i wanted to do with it [and invested in a little ipad to draw on instead of drawing with my finger on my phone lol]:

So Idk really! 

I think I am sticking with this for now [sometines doing a slightly ‘normalized nose’ from time to time] because 1) y’all encourage me with your very kind words 2) it makes ME feel good to draw them like this -- like idk i never am like UGH with a drawing 3) it’s just fun! 

really it’s one of those things where for the longest time i’ve been trying to take inspiration from so many styles around me because I just didn’t know how to define myself as an artist, and then i just wasn’t drawing as much anymore once i DID settle on style from a few years ago -- to now just wanting to smile any time i’m creating something so if it makes me smile, my goal is to make others smile lol. 

a driving factor for finding my style before was like ‘how do i make this edgy and emo if i wanted to?’ because at the time i was still experiences lows. 

and now, i still experience lows [spoons, mental health, yadda yadda] but instead of drawing the sadness out, i wanted to draw something that’d bring the smile back at least in my mind lol. 

and nothing makes me happier than smacking my hand into my ipad trying to honk their noses and then hearing messages from others [like yourself] who find the noses cute as well! 

[yoiku]

Just feeling like unpacking and sorting out some thoughts on this wonderfully rainy morning (begone, roadside dust!!)

Now, I've always been the type to post new art the moment it's done. Posting stuff only on Patreon has still proven easier than I expected. Perhaps since i am still posting stuff -somewhere- it doesn't feel as weird, even though I do miss the interaction from posting on socials. But that'll be back once I have a buffer big enough to keep Patreon relevant. It's also getting easier on letting posting on social wait as time goes by, lol. Actually thought that what if I make the publish gap with the comic even bigger, like several months between Patreon/other sites. But aaaah, I really do want to get it out. It might create more of a gap with time anyway. And the best way to get new people interested in my Patreon is to have interesting stuff out there in the wild. And I'll be honest, it feels validating af to see even a few people willing to spend money to access my Patreon.

It's still conflicting sometimes, because I would really want to keep my stuff available to everyone without paywalls. Art in general is meant to be shared and should be accessible to everyone, this is something I feel on a larger scale. Things like commissioned, unique pieces are luxurious though. They are after all often personal as well. Artists don't live on grants and stipends, hell, even those are usually available for artists who have already made a name for themselves on a larger scale/are well connected. Majority I know struggle with part time jobs, unemployment, studying or are disabled, barely scraping by what they can get in terms of welfare etc. I'm no different. I'm on welfare due to health reasons + in debt, so basically I don't have any "extra" money at the end of each month left for nice things™. And if I do, it usually goes to paying a larger portion of debt away. Sometimes I spend and always regret it later, lol. But if you -never- get to treat yourself even a little, life starts to feel quite depressing. I know so many people are in the same kind of position, where it's just not possible to pay for more than 1-2 subscription services monthly, or none. So having my art behind a Patreon paywall of any kind feels bad, knowing I would likely not be able to afford it myself, lol. Will it ever be easy to combine the thought of art + money without having dreadful crapitalism thoughts creep in? Probably not.

I still want to do my best to pick up some commissions as well, I need to create some sort of hidden stash of money now that I have the cat. Because when (inevitably at some point) a trip to the vet happens, that's going to be at least a hundo no matter what. And when the last trip to the vet arrives, that's gonna be closer to 300-400 with all the cheapest options. (hopefully not anytime soon, but something i have to take into account) I am currently working on a painting comm and might have another one coming up as well, which is giving me much joy. Watercolours are a lot of work, but they're less taxing in the sense that there's only so much detail you can do compared to digital, and tradi allows the happy little accidents with the medium. So it's easier to feel like I did my best wihtout having the thought "ah... i should've kept fixing it"(without asking for more money bc I gotta do better ad infinitum) So I'm really happy peeps have shown interest in tradi comms, even though I'm not very well versed in techniques with those. Learning tho!

My head's been in a relatively good place for a good while now, all things considered. But I have to pull the brakes on myself every now and then because I know it only takes one hard hit in the old mental health for all of it going to shit in the blink of an eye. So I'm trying to tread carefully, prep and plan while keeping the bar set low enough.

Mom has moved to hospice care, which also means that getting the phonecall about her passing can also be any day now. I feel like I've made my peace with it, but even if it doesn't initially hit hard, I'm pretty sure it will bring some mental struggle later. And there will be the whole episode of handling her stuff afterwards. Thankfully there won't be any wealth to distribute, so likely all the mandatory/legal expenses will be handled by welfare. How dreadful that even in that, money is the first thing to have to worry about, huh.

At least the sun has returned from the winter jail, bright days lighten the mind.

[animalhumanemn]

Going into our trip, we didn’t wanna rush the adoption of a dog and take our time with it. We got to Animal Humane Society's Woodbury location and looked through all the kennels. It was really hard seeing all those dogs with no homes. I came across one dog that caught my attention. Her kennel sheet read Bonnie Blue. Before visiting with her, I went around one last time, but my heart kept going back to her. Something about her was special: so happy and excited to see everybody. I went and took her into a visiting room and instantly knew she was the one. Hearing her backstory was one of the hardest parts and it made my heart sink. She had emergency surgery from a gun shot wound to the mouth, and was transported from Missouri to be spayed and adopted out in Minnesota. I thought, how could somebody be completely heartless to hurt her, let alone any animal. At this point, I was speechless beyond words with information about her health and treatment as well was told she will forever have shrapnel in her mouth that was unremovable and would always be there.

Getting her home was the best feeling in the world, knowing she would never experience uncertainty again. The first week was spent in the living room getting her comfortable with me and getting to know her personality. It was challenging. I thought a dog with abandonment issues and trauma, what have I got myself into? Anytime I walked away she would whine and fuss. After 2 weeks, Luna met Gigi, our current 6-year-old dog. They weren’t fond of each other in the beginning, but they became friends. After a month, when Luna was healthy, I started introducing walks to her. The first walk was confusing for her because she thought I was dumping her somewhere, so she refused to keep walking forward. After a week, she started to really enjoy walks and then started her training. At this point, I found out how high energy she was, amazingly smart, and willing to learn and work for food and love. We started with basic obedience training and moved to service dog training. At the time I got Luna, my mental health hit a complete decline, and I wasn’t doing good and considered a service dog. I started this training with Luna and quickly opened a whole new job she absolutely loved. I enjoyed seeing her blossom from a scared shelter dog to a confident and level headed dog. She has been the most amazing thing this past year even though it has had its highs and lows, and I would not change it for the world.

— Graciela

[rachymarie]

Cyclone Update:

Day 7 with no power. Wishing and waiting. Hoping that we get power soon before they start introducing rolling blackouts, as has been rumoured. We need time to catch up power-wise to those that got power two nights ago. Constantly exhausted, and think mum is starting to understand a bit what it's like to be exhausted all the time (as per my mental illness), we've been saying "I just don't have the spoons for that".

People have been really nice offering help and quite a few local businesses have been giving away free food/hot food (meanwhile the supermarkets have been taking advantage and hiking up their prices then labelling them as !low price deals! 🙄

Pre-cyclone we had been wondering where the so-called bread shortage was that was forecast for this year - well now we're seeing it. Bread has become a bit of a commodity. Just wish my friends with power back would offer to drop some ice packs off in our letterbox so we can at least make a vain attempt to eek out the use of our refrigerated food. But only in the letterbox cos we don't have the spoons to be chatty/social right now.

Police Eagle helicopters are having to patrol the streets from the sky at night, thermal imaging and everything apparently. This is to stop the looters. Am hearing that people are stabbing people for food in supermarket car parks/atms and there's been a gunman that MAY or may not have taken a baby hostage the other night.

Of course the mainstream news is being notoriously useless at reporting on the devastation/what's going on here because a they care about is Auckland and Coromandel. Which, yeah it sucks for them but we still need news coverage too as half the country/world don't seem to realize what's going on here. It's kinda chaotic

Also, my telco Spark finally gave me my free 5gb as per their Connection Promise, but it didn't come until I messaged them in the Spark app. I did that early this morning and they replied within about 2 hours and had it sorted which was good. Still a bit nervous about whether the 10.3gb I have now will last me through the rest of this powercut but I hope so. So apologies for not blogging like I usially do with pictures/reblogs but I can't really afford the data to load/browse pics and videos as usual. Also in power saving mode which only allows 4 apps of your choice on top of the basic essentials such as Settings.

It's been especially hard for me as no access to my usual coping mechanisms that require wifi.

Of course that's nothing compared to people who have lost family/friends/homes but it's just been a really hard time on my mental health, with me accidentally overdosing on an anxiety med the other night cos I was so tired and in the dark so couldn't see much and didn't read the label.

So yeah we got advised to take me to the hospital immediately cos I'd had some red wine earlier with bbq dinner but I didn't know that at the time bc that info was kept from me so as not to stress me out further cos we couldn't actually physically get to the hospital as all the bridges into the next city, where our only hospital is, were washed away etc in the cyclone. So instead i was to be monitored every few hours for 6 hours.

Mum got really stressed which was what I was trying to avoid by taking that pill so yeah major fail on my part :/

So now I'm just trying to avoid that particular med and keep ontop of my regular ones and get lots of sleep where I can (usually my afternoon nap as I often have terrible sleep at night). Just tryin to babysit my mental illness as best I can out here.

So power asap would be great. We've been through enough already. We've half lost hope and half hopeful that it will be soon.

In the meantime I might try get back to sorting/organizing my room out especially since it's been hard to deal with that dang drawer unit in the middle of the floor in front of the wardrobe, waiting to be filled and put in the other corner of the room. And with all the clutter it's easier to trip at night in the dark (as per no power)

One upside is that we've got some sweet new solar lamps. Sorry if tmi

[deyondwashere]

Yo! Deyønd here!

This is my first time on tumblr so I have no idea what to put here.

I’m on my way to becoming a burnt out gifted kid. My expectations for myself are basically touching the stars and if I hear about one more person trying to outlaw abortions I might just kick them in the face.

I enjoy reading and writing (I know, I’m very original), and I am a hardcore theatre student. I kind of hate everything right now and my mental health is as low as it has ever been but at least I don’t have to worry about people thinking that I’m going to burn for all eternity and will also be a bad influence on kids because I think girls are pretty. hah, wouldn’t that be funny?

Currently I go by She/Her pronouns. I like girls, but haven’t decided on boys yet (don’t you think they’re a little terrifying some times?). I’m also Asexual and I hate trying to comfort people when they’re upset. Those 2 things don’t relate to each other, just putting it out there. (P.S. don’t talk to be about politics please. Either I know way too much about it and will yell at you or I’ll know nothing and just improvise)

What am I gonna be posting here? Literally no clue. This might be my last post ever. Maybe I’ll document my writing journey or I’ll talk about high school. I would love to be a professional writer one day, it’s my dream. I could go on and on about that but I’ll save it for another day

Just like how I didn’t know how to start this, I also don’t know how to end it. So uh, yeah. Names Deyønd, just call me Deyønd, the “ø” isn’t pronounced weird. Deyønd is just supposed to be pronounced “beyond” but with a D instead of a B. Anyway, maybe I’ll see you soon?

[biblicalrunner]

STORY AT-A-GLANCE

Daily walking is one of the most effective ways to stay fit and active

Regular exercise, including activities as simple as walking, can rejuvenate your mitochondria and reduce the risk of chronic age-related diseases like heart disease, high blood pressure, Type 2 diabetes and cancer

Walking outdoors, particularly in a forest, may offer even more significant psychological benefits, including a reduction in negative moods and feelings of depression, tension, anxiety, anger, fatigue and confusion, and an increase in positive mood and vigor

Moderate exercise, which includes walking, improves all-cause survival better than vigorous exercise

The largest health gains from walking occur when going from being sedentary up to 7,000 or 8,000 steps a day, continuing to about 12,000 daily steps

Daily walking is one of the most effective ways to stay fit and active, yet many overlook it in favor of flashier forms of exercise. Embracing walking can improve both your physical and mental health, however, and is a free, accessible activity that you can do virtually anywhere.

Since walking is a low-impact and moderate-intensity exercise, it’s one that people of all ages and fitness levels can do. It doesn't require special skills, equipment or a gym membership and can be integrated into most people’s routines easily.

Ideally you would walk around solar noon, which is from 12:30 to 1:30 PM for those on Daylight Savings Time because of the perversion of the time system. Timing your walk during this time allows you to get additional benefits of UVB and near IR solar radiation.

For the last ten years or so it has been my pattern to walk around 45 minutes to one and a half hours around this time on the beach barefoot. I probably am able to do this over 95% of days. While this clearly is not possible for many, I have seen a number of people move so they can engage in this healthy practice. Nevertheless, most all the benefit is obtained by walking at solar noon. Barefoot on the beach is merely the icing on the cake.

What Can You Gain From a Daily Walk?

Blue Zones are areas in the world where people tend to be unusually long-lived, with high concentrations of centenarians. It’s revealing that in these regions, which include Okinawa, Japan; Sardinia, Italy; Nicoya, Costa Rica; Ikaria, Greece; and Loma Linda, California, residents often engage in physical activity, including regular walking.1

"Regular physical activity, including walking, is a fundamental aspect of a healthy lifestyle and is associated with numerous health benefits, particularly in the context of healthy aging and longevity in the Blue Zones," researchers wrote in GeroScience.2

Their review found that walking is a powerful antiaging intervention that can reduce the risk of chronic age-related diseases like heart disease, high blood pressure, Type 2 diabetes and cancer, while relieving pain and improving function in musculoskeletal disorders.

Other walking benefits include improved sleep and increased resilience, but what was perhaps most astounding was their finding that simple walking may help reverse the underlying cellular and molecular mechanisms of aging.3

Regular exercise, including activities as simple as walking, can rejuvenate your mitochondria. Exercise encourages the creation of new mitochondria and helps the existing ones work better, producing more energy more efficiently. If you don’t take steps to protect your mitochondrial health, your mitochondria can become damaged with age and produce less energy.4

This can contribute to muscle weakness, heart issues and less efficient blood flow in the brain, while damaged mitochondria can create harmful byproducts, making these problems worse. "While in-depth studies investigating the effects of walking on mitochondrial function are limited, initial studies have shown promising effects of walking interventions on mitochondrial function," the scientists explained.5

One study found, for instance, that regular low-intensity walking can significantly improve the health of mitochondria in people with impaired glucose tolerance.6 After the participants engaged in a four-month walking program, researchers observed an increase in the expression of genes related to mitochondria in their skeletal muscle.

These genes are involved in creating new mitochondria and boosting their function. Essentially, walking encouraged the body to produce more and better-performing mitochondria in the muscles.7

Walking for Mind and Body

Like many forms of exercise, walking offers profound mind-body benefits. In their initiative to promote walking, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention states, "A single bout of moderate-to-vigorous physical activity can improve sleep, memory, and the ability to think and learn. It also reduces anxiety symptoms."8

There is, in fact, something therapeutic about a walk that speaks to us on a primal level. Writing in The New Yorker, author Ferris Jabr noted:9,10

"What is it about walking, in particular, that makes it so amenable to thinking and writing? The answer begins with changes to our chemistry. When we go for a walk, the heart pumps faster, circulating more blood and oxygen not just to the muscles but to all the organs — including the brain. Many experiments have shown that after or during exercise, even very mild exertion, people perform better on tests of memory and attention.

Walking on a regular basis also promotes new connections between brain cells, staves off the usual withering of brain tissue that comes with age, increases the volume of the hippocampus (a brain region crucial for memory), and elevates levels of molecules that both stimulate the growth of new neurons and transmit messages between them."

Walking outdoors, particularly in a forest, may offer even more significant psychological benefits, including a reduction in negative moods and feelings of depression, tension, anxiety, anger, fatigue and confusion, and an increase in positive mood and vigor.11

Meanwhile, Deborah Grayson Riegel, who teaches leadership communication at Duke University’s Fuqua School of Business, wrote in Harvard Business Review, "Charles Darwin, Friedrich Nietzsche, William Wordsworth, and Aristotle were all obsessive walkers, using the rhythm of walking to help them generate ideas. And while any form of exercise has been shown to activate the brain, walking is a proven creativity booster as well."12

She notes that she likes to walk with purpose, sometimes using walks for learning and productivity, including conducting walking coaching calls or listening to a podcast, and other times using walks to form connections with others and find gratitude and perspective:13

"On days when I need some perspective, I’ll stroll while looking at the sun, the trees, or the water. Those views remind me to reflect on the expanse of the universe, to appreciate the beauty of nature, and prompt me to consider how much world there still is for me to explore (when it’s safe to do so).

… As someone who has experienced both chronic and acute back pain, I often walk with a focus on how lucky I feel to be able to walk — and the relief of being pain-free. I will focus on the gift of feeling safe (most of the time) as a woman walking alone. Or that I have a clean, hot shower waiting for me at the end of my walk. Or I might even focus on the gift of being alive right now, when so many have died."

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Walking May Be a Sweet Spot for Exercise

While most Americans don’t get enough exercise, it’s also possible to overdo it. In fact, too much vigorous exercise backfires and can actually harm your health instead of help it. A landmark study that radically changed my views on exercise was published by Dr. James O'Keefe, a cardiologist with the Mid-America Heart Institute at St. Louis Hospital in Kansas City, and three coauthors.14

If you’re sedentary and begin to exercise, you get a dose-dependent decrease in mortality, diabetes, depression, high blood pressure, coronary disease, osteoporosis, sarcopenia, falls and more. But people who are doing the highest volume of vigorous exercise start losing longevity benefits. If you’re doing full-distance triathlons when you're in your 40s and 50s, your risk of atrial fibrillation increases by 500% to 800%.

However, an important point is that in the case of moderate exercise — loosely defined as exercising to the point where you're slightly winded but can still carry on a conversation — there’s clear evidence that more IS better and cannot be overdone. Perhaps even more surprising, moderate exercise, which includes walking, also improves all-cause survival better than vigorous exercise — about two times better, according to O’Keefe.

Other research has shown that even a modest amount of walking offers significant longevity benefits. In a study of 3,101 adults, those who took 8,000 steps or more just one or two days a week had significantly lower all-cause and cardiovascular mortality risk.

"The study’s findings suggest that for adults who face difficulties in exercising regularly, achieving the recommended daily steps only a couple days a week may have meaningful health benefits," researchers wrote in JAMA Network Open.15

How Many Steps a Day Should You Aim For?

The average American walks about 3,800 steps a day, which is just short of 2 miles. It’s about 2,000 steps per mile, and every 1,000 steps you get on average per day reduces your mortality by 10% to 15%, O’Keefe notes. In our interview, he explained:

"There's been more and more studies on this all the time, using activity trackers. We’re getting big data, like the UK biobank, which is a half a million people, and there's a sizable subgroup of them who have been wearing activity trackers and been followed for 10 years now.

Clearly, more is better. You get the big gains going from sedentary lifestyles — 2,000 to 3,000 steps a day — up to 7,000 or 8,000. [Here] you have this very steep reduction in mortality, improvement in survival. It continues to about 12,000 steps a day. Most of the studies show that it plateaus at 12,000."

I do recommend tracking your steps using a fitness tracker like the Oura ring. Most cellphones also have free activity trackers, so in a pinch you could carry your phone with you. It’s not ideal due to the electromagnetic fields (EMFs) emitted, but you could put it in airplane mode or, better yet, in a Faraday bag.

Ideas to Change Up Your Walking Routine

If you’re a seasoned walker and want to add some variety to your walking routine, Nordic walking, sometimes referred to as Nordic pole walking, is one way to do so. It involves walking with fixed-length ski poles using a movement similar to cross country skiing but without the snow.

Nordic walking originated in Finland, where it’s commonly used by cross country skiers for training during the off-season.16 While typical walking or running activates about 40% of your muscles, Nordic walking uses 90% of your muscles, providing a lower and upper body workout in one. It also requires about 18% to 25% more oxygen consumption compared to walking without poles at the same speed.17

Nordic walking may be an ideal form of exercise for people with coronary heart disease, as it leads to greater increases in functional capacity — or the ability to carry out activities related to daily living — compared to other forms of exercise, including high-intensity interval training (HIIT) and moderate-to-vigorous intensity continuous training (MICT).18

Like regular walking, Nordic walking is low impact, making it suitable for people of all fitness levels. For instance, in a systematic review, Nordic walking programs were found to be an effective modality for weight loss in overweight and obese patients, with additional benefits to risk factors for cardiovascular diseases.19 The use of poles also makes Nordic walking appealing for those with mobility impairments, including Parkinson’s disease.

Walking backward is another challenge you can try, in a safe, obstacle-free setting, of course. In a study published in the journal Cognition, researchers from the University of Roehampton (UR) in London found walking backward can even boost your memory.20

Plus, it puts less strain on and requires less range of motion from your knee joints, making it ideal for those with knee problems or injuries. Also, because backward walking eliminates the typical heel-strike to the ground, it can lead to changes in pelvis alignment that may potentially alleviate pressure associated with low back pain.21

The bottom line is, make a point to schedule time for a regular walk into your routine. It’s a simple, accessible way to significantly improve your overall health and well-being.

[recoverywithgh0ul]

Soooo, what i eat in a day, day 3 now! I know it’s not so many days, but honestly keeping a routine with this, has been really helping me honestly, so even if no one reading this, at the end of the day it’s beneficial to my mental health. So that’s all that matters honestly. >.<

Last night was thankfully much better than the night before, hunger wise, and today I’m going to actively be okay with eating outside “allowed times” I’m just going to be eating when I’m hungry, and not going to make myself adhere to rules that 1. Don’t work for me and 2. Make me feel stressed and guilty about literally just nurturing my body. This is of course my approach, if food schedules work you should definitely use them in a safe and healthy way :>

Breakfast~

Today i had a yogurt bowl with a mini doughnut, and some apple slices.

(Today i was craving doughnuts, so i decided to have a mini one with breakfast to satisfy that craving. Breakfast was overall really nice, and i really enjoyed it, especially in a mental aspect. I was able to have what i was craving, without feeling the guilt of binging a bag of tiny doughnuts or something. The most. Beneficial thing I’m learning in my recovery, is everything is okay in moderation, and if it’s apart of a healthy diet. I know that sounds basic, but in practice, it’s so true.)

Lunch~

So, for lunch, a repeat of yesterday *0* , honey turkey wrap, bbq kettle chips, and mini sweet peppers with a side of ranch and spicy garlic sauce, also the drink will be at the bottom where it usually is,,

(was so good tbh, maybe even better than yesterday, and I’m really proud off myself for enjoying a meal, feeling satisfied, and not feeling like shit. So whooop)

Snack~

So for a snack since i was just kind of peckish and going to have dinner soon, i still had some leftover saltines and PB from the other day, so i had the last two of those, and i also had the last of the little bit of yogurt i had in the container from this morning

( no pic because, eh, but i got a mediocre picture for dinner though lol)

Dinner~

So for the main, i have leftover spaghetti and some frozen Aldi meatballs, and a side of BBQ spicy honey Brussels sprouts and broccoli

(Today has been not the most productive day for me, and I’ve been kinda of craving comfort most of it to be honest, so being proud of myself for the little things is definitely going to be the theme for today. I can’t really say anything is really going on lol, I’m honestly kinda having a good mental day? And honestly that’s amazing. If you’re reading this, i hope you’re having a decent day, and if you’re not, please remember to be kind to yourself. Especially on days when it’s the hardest to <3 )

Snack~

So for a night snack i had, some mini bell peppers, some chips with a side of cream cheese, and two star burst things

(No pic of the starbursts but they were indeed eaten, i was craving something sweet, so i nabbed em. The ending of tonight was interesting, haven’t been feeling the most valid in terms of the fact that im unwell enough i guess. Bottom line is, i was and am struggling, and I deserve to have a good day. And if anyone is reading this, you do too <3 )

Drinks~

Iced coffee

Water throughout the day

Low carb energy drink(not for ed purposes, just because I like the taste >.<)

Another day, conquered. Sometimes, some days can feel the equivalent to slaying a dragon. I’d imagine anyway, idk. But i got through it, and that’s all that matters. I hope anyone reading this that’s struggling, remembers they are worthy of food, and are deserving of recovery. You can love yourself, you’re allowed to, i promise~ until tomorrow. <3

[lilmackiereads]

A TAXONOMY OF LOVE (2018) BY RACHAEL ALLEN - SPOILER-FILLED REVIEW

For the review WITHOUT SPOILERS, click here. To continue WITH spoilers, begin reading after the cover photo.

Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

I am actually surprised with myself for giving this such a high rating as I am easily very bored with the teen romance novels. Of the few YA romance that I have read in the last year this has been my favorite which was a total surprise! I actually almost gave up reading it in the first 50 or so pages because I found the initial few chapters from Spence’s point of view unrealistic. For some reason I just didn’t feel like the dialogue and thought processes going on in this 13-year-old boy’s head felt accurate to the tween boys I’ve known growing up. There wasn’t enough swearing or boyish grossness. For instance, I feel like he needed a bit of a sprinkle of yucky (belching/ nose-picking/ farting/ name-calling) like the boys in Stephen King’s “The Body” aka Stand by Me (1986), The Sandlot (1993) or Stranger Things (2016) because many boys at this age are generally just pretty gross and obnoxious in my experience. (I grew up tween to teen between 2008-2018 and babysat lots of kids and now I work with middle school and high schoolers…)

HOWEVER, I think Allen did nail Spence’s dorkiness, which is why I ultimately kept reading because he is pretty adorable and his taxonomies are pretty funny.

Unlike John Green (The Fault in Our Stars, 2012 and Turtles All the Way Down, 2017) and Becky Albertalli (Simon vs the Homosapien Agenda, 2015) who are two of the best teen writers that can accurately display the minds of the opposite sex in my opinion, I feel like Allen struggles a bit with writing Spence’s point-of-view. I found Hope’s p-o-v more realistic (and relatable) as a female, but I think that Spence became more realistic as the book progressed from age 13 to 19. Especially once he hit puberty, I think the romantic stakes and thoughts were more accurate to a teenage boy. Haha. But what do I know? I’ve never been a teenage boy.

Hope reminded me a lot of myself because I’m generally happy-go-lucky, but I had a major emo-phase in high school that really warped my attitude at the time (and admittedly comes out to play occasionally as an adult.) I wish we had more chapters from her perspective. I was bummed out when her sister died. It's hard to lose someone so close to you, especially when they're so young. The only thing I didn't like about Hope was her last name, Birdsong. I think it was just a little too on-the-nose. If we're really going for the "girl next door" she could have just had a basic last name like Smith or Miller.

I really liked all the little parties the characters through for the holidays and the references to Hamilton (2015), Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975), Grease (1978), and Pokémon. Jayla and Spencer's Pikachu and Ash costumes sounded adorable. I feel like Hope’s transition over the story is actually a lot like Sandy’s! Also, the two girls at the Halloween party who were Sandy before and after, such a cool costume idea!

Jayla and Dean were both kind of annoying at times, but ultimately, I think they had good hearts, but were just a little too self-involved for their own good. I really appreciated after Dean went to college and grew up a little and started to stand up for Jayla and Spencer.

I also like that the book goes over some important topics like racism and the Civil War, disability awareness, bullying, mental health, and using sexual situations as a coping mechanism.

My top three favorite parts are:

The Vice Principal’s Surprise -- I mean DICK CONFETTI? How much better can it get?

2. The Tree Stand in the Rain -- My little heart at all the romance:

3. The Lightning Bugs -- Just such a sweet and magical moment.

Would I Read this Book Again?

Low key kind of want to read it again right now! I hope they make a movie of this!

[foolishfalls]

I've been kind of just chucking my feelings out into many a void today and I guess I'll do it here. Who knows where I'm likely to get a response??

below the cut i'll be discussing repeat injuries, chronic pain, how my mental health interacts with/contributes to them, and my growing rage and exasperation with the american healthcare system.

I feel like for much of my life I have been grappling with nebulous burgeoning health problems that were rarely serious enough for me to really seek out a doctor, plus, my parents are both notoriously bad at seeing doctors and taking care of themselves too, so living with them into adulthood definitely didn't help. (It's tough as hell being a PDA autistic up against all these very harsh hierarchical systems so full of barriers and demands amirite?)

given the autism with a pretty heavy PDA slant, making and keeping appointments has been a harrowing process for me for my whole entire life, as long as I can remember. It doesn't help that I am also terrible at advocating for myself and have been consistently dismissed by doctors over stuff that I experience... I've just kind of learned to take it lying down which is not a good habit but i get easily exasperated trying to explain myself to doctors. i struggle a ton with even talking to people i see as holding authority over me (i attribute this to ten years of catholic school kind of breaking me mentally and emotionally. if you have been to a religious or catholic school perhaps you have an understanding of this kind of mistreatment)

anyway, i just feel like the pandemic and the ongoing collapse of the healthcare system has just really brought this to a head for me recently. In the last 6 years or so, i've injured both of my ankles several times, rolls and sprains. honestly, the first few times, i was being dumb and not paying attention (i went through a terrible binge drinking period during my 21st year, hadn't yet discovered that i literally cannot wear most shoes besides flat-soled sneakers) but even when I tried to be careful after one or two bad sprains that went unchecked, mostly, I would end up hurting myself. Two of the subsequent times I hurt myself while moving between apartments (I've always lived in walk-ups and have usually moved everything myself with little help aside from friends) and bc of pretty bad cracks on sidewalks (big city infrastructure is total garbage, big surprise!)

like, as my repeated injuries got worse, my capacity for physical activity has too, and I already struggled for years as a kid and teen to develop a decent exercise/activity routine. I think I also have low muscle tone and really slow recovery time due to autism or some co-morbid condition (such as EDS or something. i have weird, weak, clicky joints, but i'm not really typically hypermobile?)

anyway, every time i went in for an x-ray or to see a doctor, i basically got told just to RICE and take care of it at home, so I didn't seek further help. the one time i did was last year, and it took a lot of advocating and was quite hard for me, and then it took months of waiting to even get an appointment with an ortho. This is after 5-6 sprains on my right ankle, and 2 on my left. when i sprained my left ankle the last time, i landed quite hard on my right knee and definitely hurt that too, because it still clicks and acts up.

of course, last august, my ortho appt finally approaches, and i get fucking covid literally the day before. i was so sick and tired i just no-showed and honestly forgot about it. if I miss an appointment and dont reschedule immediately, the likelihood that I will do that is very low. once again, PDA is a bitch.

but, at least since then I haven't actually injured my ankle. However, who knows what the effects of covid were on my body, my joints, who tf knows?? we know it causes and exacerbates all kind of conditions in people. I barely have been able to get doctors to take me seriously about the stuff I'm chronically experiencing, so even bringing up long-covid has felt kind of scary and pointless, tbh.

Fast forward to april of this year. after working in office jobs and sitting for two years straight, which caused me a ton of awful burnout, i end up working part-time at a cafe. while I'm working there, i injure/strain my hip and low back while slipping on a wet floor. this pain keeps me in bed consistently for about 3 weeks and I go to see my doctor about it. he diagnoses me with sciatic pain because it seems to be running and radiating down from my leg and hip. (mind you this is my right hip, which is attached to the knee i've hurt maybe twice, and the ankle i've injured 5-6 times!)

Up until then, I had been receiving some PT at my previous job to help stabilize and strengthen my hips, which my PT determined as the main cause for my ankle injuries. my hips shake when i walk and tend to cause a lot of instability. I made some progress, but I was receiving PT at my old job, and my insurance changed when I left it, so i was uninsured for like three months in the beginning of this year while trying to get new coverage. my hip pain was bad for about a month, after seeing my doctor, i got x-rays and they came back clean but the pain wasn't fully subsiding, so he writes me referrals for PT and pain management.

Because of my shit association with PT due to my old job, and the fact that the pain finally began to subside after the x rays came back (I kind of thought, oh, maybe it was lingering mostly due to my stress, guess im good) I dont make a PT appointment right away. I look into one place i'm referred to and it turns out they dont take my insurance which is bullshit. Then, I go to my last option, the hospital system I see my PCP out of. It's basically the lowest quality medical care you can access with medicaid which is what i currently have, and due to my experience working in a high-end PT office i know what the difference will be. this mental block kind of keeps me thinking it will be pointless so i took a while to make an appointment, trying to do exercises at home for now since i had a baseline from my old job.

While all this is happening, as my hip pain is subsiding, i get a weird lump/bump where my heel meets my right ankle, my bad ankle. it has been this way since about the end of May, now, and it has been the source of some of the most disarming, weird, confusing pain I've ever experienced in my life.

I also didn't talk yet about how realizing I'm autistic helped me make sense of my weird pain tolerance. on one hand, i've always been notably sensitive to even the slightest pain. would sob and sob over the smallest things as a kid. i think due to the reactions of adults around me, i gradually learned to dissociate in order to bury my pain. so, i feel like i both experience pain very strongly and intensely, and at times it can be so debilitating and distracting that i can focus on little else and it almost causes me brain fog and fatigue, while at other times, it is kind of distant and i tend to dissociate from it.

with this new pain in my heel, there's definitely some nerve shit involved, i think... i get twitches/spasms sometimes, numbness, tingling, sharp pain, dull pain. and it's seemingly unpredictable. i wear compression socks or a sleeve almost every single day because it's all that helps. it's past the point of icing helping it much because it's not swollen.

basically every time i have seen a doctor about my pain leading up to now, I have brought up the possibility of some underlying cause, but i always get dismissed. told I'm digging too deep or thinking too hard and just stressing myself out, despite the fact that I've always been clumsy and injury prone and had coordination issues. I guess bc those coordination issues haven't been well documented, and i am not officially diagnosed with autism or anything that could support my claims, i just don't get taken seriously, despite my experience being quite abnormal from what i understand when talking to others!!!

idk where I'm even going with this. today i was at a PT appointment for my hip and was on the verge of tears the whole time. I have to go back to my primary doctor in order for them to even begin attending to my heel despite that being the worst pain, and despite the fact that my hip/knee/heel/sciatica are all definitely related. I'm assuming this is because of insurance bullshit, i know it's pretty basic procedure, but it's exhausting that the american healthcare system is set up this way. it's really hard when you're autistic also and struggle with making and keeping appointments. it doesn't help that i've been dismissed by so many doctors that i just get intense anxiety about even having to go back again.

i'm also looking for a new PCP anyway because i don't like that mine doesn't take me very seriously and i am also transitioning and very scared/a bit paranoid about facing any transphobia or disclosing that fact to him if we have to run any blood tests. so maybe I'll have a better experience elsewhere, but this heel stuff has gone on for so long that i just have to bite the bullet and go back to the same place if it will be quicker to do so anyway.

and like, all procedural/red tape/insurance bullshit aside, bottom of the barrel PT treatment here is like. so dismal. once again maybe it's just bc i have the point of comparison from my old job, but i feel like the treatment is really just. so lackluster, doctors are seeing multiple patients at once, you're rushed through your visit, you don't have time to ask questions. the whole time i've been there no one has so much as taken a closer look at my heel. i know i'm there for my hip and you have to say that on paper for insurance, but like, damn, not even just a quick check??

I am afraid it's because I'm habitually downplaying the pain to cope and because i'm terrified of doctors. so maybe it's my fault.

still, the system is downright hostile to people who struggle with that stuff.

i don't have much else to say. just wanted to dump this somewhere and see if anyone else can understand or empathize with my experience. i don't talk about this super openly or readily because I don't even feel like i can call it chronic pain sometimes despite this being a several month long problem and really an issue that is about five years old, despite it being inconsistent... mostly because i just don't have the affirmation of a medical diagnosis. i have considered getting a cane/mobility aid very thoroughly recently because i know it would help me (and maybe even force doctors to take me seriously) but there's a part of me that feels like i can't or shouldn't. like i'm not valid enough for that, or i can function without it, but i know that's dismissive and so not the right way to think about mobility aids

i mean, it doesn't help that my dad has been limping and had chronic pain for years and has one and still refuses to use it... the internalized ableism runs deep. it's fucked. i'm trying hard to undo it but it's hard when you're already just hard on yourself.

anyway, just sorely needed to get this off my chest. thanks for reading if you do.

EDIT: i also wanted to say,, if you have gone through anything similar, just know you're not alone! so if you want to share your experience or talk about it with me pls know my asks and dms are open.