#But I really need to vent cause like some stuff have happened today and i hate twitter

[enjoltrwolfstar]

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[phoenixyfriend]

A lot has been happening today that rep calls could affect. UN vetoes, KOSA, Julian Assange, UNRWA's funding crisis and Israel's demands that it be completely dismantled, the large number of bills we just learned are on the docket for the coming week, and even the good news that is recent successes by the BDS movement.

And like... I care about this stuff. I want to talk about it. But it takes an emotional and mental toll to do it, and it takes time, and... there are two reasons to write up reference, update, information posts:

Compensation. I'm not a journalist, but if I were, I would in theory be getting paid for the information I collect and share to my audience. However, I am not, and am doing this for free. I have gotten maybe $5 in donations since I started this project, and while I recognize that this is probably because people are (quite rightly) donating instead to Palestinian charities or local campaigns or something, it's a basic fact that I am not actually being compensated for this work.

Promoting change and activism. This is in fact my main goal: to have a positive impact on current events by giving people a guide on the news and politics because there's so much happening that's hard to keep track of, and if I'm already doom-listening to half a dozen political podcasts, I might as well save other people the trouble, right?

The thing is, like... most of the reblogs on my guidelines and helpful posts are from me, to me. I am the one reblogging. I am desperately trying to get these things to circulate so I can make a difference, but... no dice. Some of the posts are admittedly pretty long (my 'how to call your reps, here's some verbiage' post is 3.4k words), and I can imagine some people are saving it for later, and then maybe forget, or they don't want to share something controversial, and like... I do get that. I do.

But it does mean the posts aren't circulating, and thus they're having less of an impact, and I can't help but feel like there are other things I could be doing to help that would be more effective. More bang for my buck, except it's my time and effort instead of my money. Like, maybe it would have more an effect if I hunted down a wider variety of elected officials I could bother instead of instructing other people on how to bother theirs? Maybe going to protests (which would be a huge commitment due to distance) would be more effective than trying to help ensure that the effectiveness of "I actually have a vote and you are losing it" of calls has the weight of numbers behind it.

Especially since I did try to blaze it, and tumblr mods rejected the post. I don't know why. It's not against ToS, since none of it was disinformation or election interference, which is the only reason given on the FAQ for why things might not be approved for blazing, but who knows.

Maybe tumblr just decided the possible blowback on them for blazing a pro-ceasefire post would be too much.

I don't know. I just... it's just really disheartening to try to help and it gets stymied because, as much effort as it might be, it doesn't reach more than a (comparatively) tiny audience, especially when my relatively low-effort polls and shitposts get easily ten times as many notes with way less energy put in.

EDIT: This is not a post that I need to have reblogged. this is just me bitching. This a vent post. What I am asking people to reblog is my activism posts that I spend hours on to try and help nudge things in a better direction. Please reblog THOSE. This one doesn't need reblogging unless you have an actual comment. Reblogging this post just to reblog, with neither useful comment nor encouragement, is not helping me with my issue of 'not paid, not making an impact' or helping with any important causes.

[clippedwingsmuses]

ooc: good morning, no icon bc i am. guh. i am so tired rn, but i had to give yall a psa update about stuff going on with me (since i just got back from my doc appointment)

basic tldr; my activity is most likely going to be even more sparse than it is for a while because i'm focused on my mental and physical health (working on regulating my bipolar disorder primarily), as well as some legal issues that i need to address; what activity i do have may be restricted to my current threads and i might not be making ooc update posts very frequently

full information (and miscellaneous ramble-venting) is under the cut

active muse check: surge, laurance, wanderer, kieran

(cw: mental health, general medical and legal talks, venting)

ooc: so breaking news, apparently it turns out my bipolar disorder might be the more major diagnosis between everything that i got checked out a couple weeks ago, i got prescribed some mood stabilizers so i should be getting them in tomorrow

im having to re-set up my insurance bc they fucked me over and cancelled it (we didn't get any of the documents that they were supposed to be giving us, and my acc on their website can prove we didn't receive them) so that's stressing me out

i also had to get bloodwork done today for whatever reason, going there and doing the bloodwork is what gave us the heads up that my insurance was cancelled so i guess i'm glad for it, but also we can't really afford to pay for the bloodwork rn (and barely if at all); i'm glad that i got it done so i can see if i have any physical issues to worry about, but at the same time that payment is gonna fuck us over for a little, cause we barely get by as it is

im also cramping which sucks!!!!! but that's small beans compared to everything else

i mean today already started off pretty shit for me, i only got about 4 hours of sleep cause my anxiety kept me up most of the night (who was surprised that would happen? not me) since i was stressing about the appointment (they're also still ignoring the potential that i could be neurodivergent, and i know damn well that i am, they just keep blaming my issues on everything else that's wrong with me, so that's stressing me out to a pretty strong degree too)

so yeah, considering all my mental health issues and the doctors visits ive basically been having nonstop for the last couple of weeks, my activity on this account is probably going to be even less than it already is; i've just got too much going on to put all my energy into fixating on writing, and even writing my novel is a chore that i've really had to trudge through the mud to finish (i'm still not even done with it)

i will still be around to write on here ofc, but i might restrict myself into not actively searching for any new rp partners for a while; i'm going to try spending my time relaxing and getting my shit sorted before i fully commit to being here as much as i have been. again, activity will still be here all things considered, but i might not be making very many ooc posts like i have been, and as far as dash shenanigans go i might be pretty quiet

my discord is open to mutuals if anyone wants to chat or discuss plots, and my ims on here will always be open as well

sorry for rambling and bitching so much on here i just like to keep yall informed, but yeah the tldr at the top basically explains all the important details outside of my rambling

[purple-is-great]

Vent post about family/trans stuff under the cut

Me and mum had an argument about me being trans but now she keeps texting me like nothing's happened

And maybe it's something of a peace offering, but i think i need a bit more time to be angry because i was seriously hurt by the way she just did not believe me, did not trust me to know myself and what's best for me

Bur i can't not respond, and i don't want to ask her to stop texting for a bit because a. she'd feel hurt and then this would be about her feelings and b. because fuck, i don't want this to ruin my relationship with her. i don't think i could do anything "unnecessary" to strain our relationship

But i don't know, if it is a peace offering it hurts me that this feels like she wants to ignore that fight and what caused it. Or if it isn't a peace offering then it's literally her thinking it isn't a big deal when it really fucking is

Today she texted "hey, did you manage to return that take-at-home-exam?" and all i wanted to do was scream that yeah, but i would have liked to not have had to finish it in a mood alternating between furious and on the verge of tears. But i didn't. All i said was "yeah, i did".

The adult thing here would probably be to text her a link to some informational pages for parents of trans people and ask her to read and consider them but i don't know, i'm frustrated that in all her years of knowing that i'm not cis she seems to not have bothered to look them up or at least has refused to learn anything from them. It's petty, maybe, but why should i have to be the one doing all the research and having to convince her that i'm really trans and i'm not ruining my life by changing my gender marker and legal name

[indigo-villin]

Hey uh...so... uhm... my mom told me something today when we were driving somewhere to shop and for her to have her doc appt... during the drive she told me that she and my step dad had "noticed me regressing for the past 2 years" and ummm... like yeah I told mom about it a WHILE ago so I re-explained it to her (and stressed the involuntary part for me) and she said "oh yeah I get it and it's fine, it's made things kinda fun for me actually, being able to buy dolls and such for you again." It was... it was a lot and I'm still taking it in.

Im more shocked that it's been happening for 2 years without me completely recognizing it, like sure I knew I was on my bday cause my sis told me I was acting like a 7 yr old (I was super excited about getting the LPS and spoke in a higher pitched happy almost squeely voice), but past that I can't exactly say I've been regressed... idk it's kinda just weird to know they've noticed and she opened the discussion by saying "please don't take offense" but we've noticed this behavior and recognize it's not on purpose. The second part of that last bit being paraphrased, but still...

I remember telling her a while ago and her questioning my doll collecting went from "huh?" to "whatever it makes you happy" to now being... ehhh. When I got my mini grumpy bear (see doll account @/dollie219 for recent post) I showed him to mom and told her the bears that were left, her immediate reaction was to ask if I'd wanted any others and being willing to walk with me to get more. Note this was in Target, she hates target due to being dragged around there all the time when I was a kid for the holiday set ups and toy aisles in the back of the stores. I had bought the stuff I got while she wasn't in the store so she wouldn't have to go through it and the moment something so small was mentioned she offered to let me run back and get more. I appreciate it, but I'm just kinda confused. I talked with her a while ago about needing to limit my doll collection and getting rid of some before getting more, then going against this for the 2 decora girlz cause it was money from grandma for my bday (so automatically it doesn't count), and now she's saying she's enjoyed buying dolls with me and stuff. Even when we went to Walmart wanting to rush home cause we couldn't dawdle due to groceries she still asked if I wanted to check our the doll aisles.

Maybe I spent too much time ranting to her about my research on diff dolls, maybe her meds are really working this time, I don't know but it's weird and I am wholly unprepared for such positive reaction.

I know this sounds like a weird thing to rant/vent about, but she's "seen the signs" for 2 YEARS and decided to mention it cause she vaguely remembered me explaining it before and wanted to see if I knew I was doing it. I was gonna bring up being a system to her, nuh uh not this trip she was the one to drop news on me.

[asenarieka]

CW: Vent below the Keep Reading.

Honestly just feeling really lost right now. I've been thinking a lot about a couple of events that has happened since Envy helped me enforce my boundaries.

I'm not sure how much detail I wanna get into but it started back in June 2023, someone who claims to be my "best friend" started to act really transphobic towards me because I'm non-binary and just part of the LGBTQ in general. I can't even sugar coat that, it hurt like a fucking bitch. And it made me terrified of being open about anything.

I can partially understand why he's not personally allowed to be part of it because of his beliefs but that still gave him NO right to act like that towards me, he tried to force his belief onto me and just said a lot of hurtful things. And when I tried to explain how much this hurt me he started to massively guilt trip/ play the victim card.

That one particular situation was resolved later on but it still doesn't change how much that hurt me.

And after this I became way too fucking scared to deal with him personally so I gave Envy full consent to step in when needed and that turned out to happen.. a lot.

Every. single. time. this guy crossed a boundary, Envy would step in and ask him or tell him that he had crossed a boundary and as a result this "friend" of mine would make a huge deal out of it, sending a crap ton of dms, making public vents making himself look like a victim... all because he was asked a question or told to stop doing something.

This happened way too many times, and I just let Envy do his thing, but even he grew tired of trying to reason with this guy, I read through most of it today to get a bit more context and I'm at a loss for words. A lot of my friends who knows bits and pieces has told me that I shouldn't associate with people like this as this behavior will probably never change and I'm most likely just gonna continue to get hurt. My trust was already broken from family and ex boyfriends and now someone that claimed to be my best friend did the exact same thing.

I just feel so damn numb from it all, I thought I had learnt to not accept this type of bullshit as I had done everything I could just to get away from an abusive relationship and I guess I just fell into an abusive friendship instead? I don't know how to word it properly. I just don't know what to do about it all.

I have a feeling that the person this is about will read it and all I'm gonna say is this, don't send me 50+ dms about the past situations. I don't want to hear it and the only thing you'll achieve is that you'll probably just piss off Envy even more.

I'm not sure if any of this even makes sense, I'm just writing stuff the second I think it.

I apologize for the long ass vent. I'm not typing this to cause drama, I'm just trying to get rid of some of the stuff that's on my chest.

-- Astrid

[dirtytransmasc]

personal vent:

I've had family pass before, a lot of family (I have a big ass family), but never suddenly. it was always something you could anticipate, something you saw coming. they were old or sick or both. but today my uncle passed, we were supposed to have family dinner in like 4-5 hours. they don't know why or how it happened. we won't know for a few days. one second all was well, the next my mom got a phonecall and stormed out of the house without a word, and 2 hours later she's back and telling me my uncle's dead.

and I have to say I'm feeling perfectly fine. which scares me. it just feels so... fake... like it can't possibly be real. I've yet to shed a tear or really feel upset. I'm scared for when the grief hits me, which it will, I just don't know when and how, what it will take to accept that he's gone.

I also feel bad because my mom and brother have already started grieving and I can't really help them cause I myself don't feel anything.

anyway, I just needed to get some thoughts off my chest. I'll probably be a bit less active cause I have to help plan the funeral and stuff. that or I'll be extra active cause of escapism. I don't know.

[yisanged]

not a vent really. maybe sort of technically i've just had something to be annoyed about in like every class today at school. kill. and i was complaining and it just got really long you know me

uuughhhhhh i only did sort of alright on my english quiz and i probably bombed my math test i ran out of time and had to stay like 5 minutes after the next period started to finish it and while i was trying to get out there was some tall asshole standing in the middle of the aisle that was my only point of exit because our desks are pushed together into columns in that class and there was a cluster of people by the teacher's desk on the other side so i tried to get past him and accidentally pushed him a little and he turned around and was like hey you almost just knocked me over you could at least say excuse me all bitchy shut the fuck up you were all but yelling to your friend no way you would've heard me and you were the one blocking the only way out in the first place also i did say sorry you just didn't hear me cause again you were being loud and obnoxious. and during health some lady came in to tell us not to smoke but she decided to stand directly behind my desk for like half the presentation so everyone was looking towards me and she kept talking about "penis cancer" with that phrasing specifically and saying that cigarettes maim and kill you which is such strange wording. maim? and i kept giggling which was embarrassing cause everyone was looking. and during band i had to stay behind cause i had to practice playing my solo and ensemble piece with the piano accompaniment but i had to like carry all my stuff over to the next room and the bell rang just then and the director made a big deal of not letting anybody out until i got out but i had to like grab my reeds and put my bocal in the top and then get a good grip on my four foot long instrument that will fall apart if you grab it wrong and also i forgot to put my reed water back in the case so i still have it with me right now. also we need to play a chromatic scale for the judges at solo and ensemble but i fucking can't do that. i can go from low f to high d which is just shy of two octaves but that's iffy as is i keep fumbling two notes specifically so i don't know if i can extend it to a proper two octaves by the actual event which is saturday TWO fucking days from now at 10:50 am gross. and gym is just bad always and the asshole blocking my way is in my gym class awkward ew. and my bag strap is broken and keeps falling apart because it's cheap as hell and i need a new one but don't really want to buy one but it's stressful carrying it around at all because the school has a really strict no backpacks during class policy and our principal is pissy about it even though none of the teachers care and technically any bag big enough to carry all your books in are banned which includes mine but it's so stupid i don't have time to go all the way across the school to get my bag then get to where my bus is and the buses leave five minutes after the last bell rings on the dot and my dad works everyday but thursday now and can't pick me up if i miss it and it's kind of far to walk and especially to snowy to walk lately and uuuuuggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh. sometimes i don't feel real when i'm at school i think back on my day and it feels like that that happened to another person that isn't me. i feel like that's a symptom of a problem but whateverrrrrr whatever. i'm functional so not like it matters at all

[morningmask27]

i’ve been feeling super down/irritated since friday now. it’s been an issues since even before, but righ now it’s getting more overwhelming. friday was mostly a shit day because three times i tried to talk to different teachers and three times a combination of me not verbalizing my desire to discuss something and that teacher already being busy with someone else led to me not being able to talk with them at all (one of them i really needed to talk to for a school assignment AND because he said something in class i didn’t feel so comfortable with).

i felt frustrated and that day ended in me crying in my room while discussing the mess that was my day. i’m lucky to have a good bond with my mother and to just be able to vent everything with her. she might be the cause of some (a lot) of my problems, but she still tries her best to help me.

today i was talking to one teacher i’m pretty close to, i’ve been wanting to tell her something i’ve actually kept hidden from everyone for more than a decade now because i’m starting to feel like someone has to know. she said she had some time to discuss it during lunch break. a short twenty minutes or something to tell her. i knew it wasn’t enough, but beggars can’t be choosers i guess. i was stressing the entire morning for that talk, even beginning to feel physical symptoms (my belly was a mess). i even told my gym teacher i’d probably not be able to do the class fully today because of the deadly combination of having my periods and the stress.

after that class i hurried to the teacher’s room to find her (i was already five minutes or so late because gym always ends a bit later and isn’t in the same building). she wasn’t there yet and i just waited. she finally came and told me she didn’t feel well and asked me if i’d be able to delay our talk. I said yes because obviously i’d say yes, but i felt frustrated again. i was detached from everyone else during the little lunch time i had left and just read the rest of the break. my two last hours went by painfully. english was presentations, but luckily my partner wasn’t there. and geo was interesting, but slow and i doodled at least three sad whisses being comforted.

then it was done and i went home. i walk a bit and then usually take a tram to get home, but this time two trams passed right in front of me and when i went to the stop the next one came only in seven minutes (it isn’t long for others but in seven minutes i’m already nearly home if i walk). the busses also weren’t going to leave early so i just walked. while walking i was plagued by my intrusive thoughts; so many thoughts about self-harm and even suicide even though i know i don’t want to do that. i already promised myself to not do self harm anymore, but they kept coming. I nearly cried twice while walking home and now that i got home i am.

i’m also doing my best to forget i exist in this world and let my maladaptive daydreaming take over until later because man today was shit. i wanted today to be good, i told myself today would be good. i promised it. it began well with buying croissants for my classmates and stuff and chatting with that teacher in the morning (i showed her my scissor necklace and she understood what it meant, i was a bit proud of myself i have to admit it. she also bullied me into participating in some competitions for Latin and Greek (in an affectionate way dw)) and it was fun and greek was also fun and so was dutch all things considered, but with gym everything went downhill and now i just want to forget this day happened before breaking when venting to my mother later today.

[maerenee930]

I'm sorry you're having a rough night, Mae T^T sending you all the hugs!

What's your zodiac sign and do you believe in astrology/magic?

Also, do you have anything you want to vent about?

aww, it’s okay 🥺 thank you so so much, joz 😭🫂🫂 and thank you so much for asking these!! i seriously cannot tell you how much i honestly appreciate it and all of the hugs and how much i genuinely appreciate you! 🥺😭💙💖

- my sun sign is Libra ✌️ party!! (sorry, i feel like i have to say it everytime i say i’m a libra thanks to adore delano 😂🖤) and my moon is Leo and my rising is also Libra 😄 so basically, i’m an indecisive, sensitive, emotional, artistic/creative and very theatrical human lol. and i absolutely love it! 😂 ♎️♌️♎️

- and i do believe in both astrology and magic ☺️ i’m not saying astrology is like always completely spot on or that i take everything to heart/super seriously 😅 but it all is super interesting to me! and i think it’s so interesting how accurate it can be for certain people and situations. or how it really can play a part in who we are on an emotional level, how we present ourselves to the world, how we’re perceived by other people because of our sun sign or moon and rising and how those signs and their traits can match our personalities. and as for magic, i think to a degree, it absolutely exists! i mean, i’m not saying people need wands to do magic or that what we see in shows, movies and in books is the only way to view magic 😅 but i think magic exists in many different ways. at the moment, i’m having a hard time finding the right words to give examples 🤦‍♀️ but i do believe there are so many types of magic in the world 🖤

- and yeah i do kinda need to vent about some stuff 🥺 thank you for letting me 😭🫂🫂 tomorrow i go back to work after being home for about a week and a half and i’m reeeeally glad to be going back because being home this much because of covid has made me feel like i’m going crazy! my dad has been driving me nuts! he’s been (as always anymore) in such a weird mood and just really annoying and rude! or like tonight, we had people over and he gets all weird and acts like such an ass to my mom and i when he’s around people he doesn’t live with 😑

(there’s a lot more under the cut so no one has to sit there and scroll through all my rambling nonsense 😅 apologize in advance for how much i ramble, for any spelling and grammar errors and if all of this doesn’t make much sense 🖤)

and with having a tough time mentally and emotionally right now, he just isn’t helping anything. and it’s one of his childhood friends who is over right now too and i’m just not a fan of him and i really can’t stand how my dad is around him cause he some how is even more annoying than he normally is when he’s around this friend and uuugh! he’s just the worst and i can’t stand him! he makes me wanna pack up all of my stuff right now and just leave. idek where i would go but i just can’t stand living with him anymore! 😤

and my poor mom 😣 she had another rough moment with my brother (the same kind of situation that happened today, happened the day after his wedding in april) and he’s really hurting my mom’s feelings. she just feels used by him and my sister-in-law (my parents have done A LOT for them over the past 9 almost 10 years. like more than my sister-in-law’s parents have ever done for them and more than most people would do for them in their situation) and yet, my brother chooses to give his energy and attention and time to people who are actual garbage over our family/the people who are truly there for him and have proven time and time again that they will always be there for him/them. like he chooses to spend time with them and give back to them when they don’t even truly do anything for him/them in the first place.

and both today and in april, my mom just wanted to spend time with him today so bad. (like yes, he works at the bakery again so they do work together. but it’s not like they’re spending quality time together at work. you know?) especially after letting him use her van for the past week because they only have one working car at the moment and my sister-in-law needed their car for work and maybe other things. and after my parents gave them a chair and a couch (i mean, yes we were getting rid of them anyway but my parents didn’t have to offer the furniture to them. especially after the way the treated our basement when the lived here. and just after all the stuff they did for them for the wedding, when her parents didn’t even offer to help pay for anything for the wedding. at all. the countless times my parents have done stuff for them or let them use one of their cars because they usually only have one working car and they needed another to get to work. just- my parents have done a lot for them, more than most people or parents would, to be honest.)

but they were hanging out with actual garbage. (they were also hanging out with that same person the day after the wedding and that friend does absolutely nothing for them! they buy them shit but tbh, buying material things does not a good friend make. and they were a shit friend to me when i was friends with them and they both knew that! uuuugh!! i’m getting off topic and this isn’t relevant to anything 🤦‍♀️) but yeah, my mom was hurt that once again, my brother was choosing to spend time with someone who we know very well wouldn’t be there for him or my sister-in-law the way we are and other and better friends would be and have been there for him/them. and it really hurt her. she broke down and i held her for about 10 minutes while she cried 😭

my mom does so much stuff for everyone and just deserves so much more and better than she gets 😭 and i’m just so mad at my brother of all people for being like this and for being like this with her! i’ve gotten used to him doing shit like that to me. (i mean it started way before they decided to stay friends with that piece of trash after knowing how they treated me the entire time we were friends and were angry for me when they were being a shit friend to me.) but i’m not okay at all with him hurting our mom! he’s been making all the choices 😑 the past few years and- uuugh! he needs to wake up and see that if he’s not careful, he’s going to lose the people who actually, truly and genuinely care about him and who will actually be there for him when he needs them.

and then there’s my stupid pms 😭 i’ve been so exhausted physically getting over covid and then my pms kicks in on top of it and is making me even more tired and it’s soo annoying! i hate this so much because all i want to do is sleep! i feel like there’s a magnet or something weighing and pulling me down and i have practically no energy and i go back to work tomorrow and i don’t want to be and can’t be this tired when i’m with the kids! and then my pms is messing with my hormones and emotions. i’m feeling really low mentally and emotionally. i’ve been feeling worthless and like i’m in everyone’s way and everyone would be better off if i either disappeared or just stay in my room, hide and never come out so i can leave them alone.

i feel like i’m annoying everyone all the time. i need a break from myself but can’t get one. and i feel like crying so hard but can’t. (i’ve felt that way like all day today) like i physically can’t even though i can feel it and really feel like i have to. (i understand that doesn’t make much sense. but it’s honestly how i’m feeling/the only way i can describe it atm 😓) my anxiety is through the roof. not cause i have to go back to work but because of my pms. i’ve been irritable, angry, firstly and annoying at the most random, stupidest and smallest things because of my damn pms. and i’m getting annoyed with myself for feeling/being like this.

i’m having cramps but haven’t actually started that time yet 🙃 those cramps are so annoying! and yet, at the same time because my logic and rationality wants to kick in when i’m feeling low, i still love myself so much, who i am/who i’ve become and know my worth and value. but still feel so low. and i’m feeling like i’m too much and not enough for anyone/everyone. my touch starvation is really bad right now 😭 (it usually gets bad when i’m pmsing)

i’m seriously craving physical touch and affection so bad 😭 and i feel like i’m never gonna be in a relationship and o would really really like to be in one 😭 i want a partner so bad because i have so much love to give someone and know i’m worth being loved and deserve to have so much love given to me! and honestly, i don’t want it just for the sake of being able to say i’m in a relationship/because i want a relationship with just anyone. i want a relationship with someone i really like and someone who really likes me back/feels the same way about me that i do them. like my reasons are more than just me being lonely and wanting someone/anyone. i want companionship but in a romantic way and in a genuine way.

but i feel like that never gonna happen for me. i feel like i’m too much for anyone/everyone and even though i know my worth, i really and genuinely love/like myself, who i am, who i’ve become and what i look like, i don’t think anyone will feel the same way about me 😣 but i just want kisses and cuddles and love and affection and attention and forehead kisses and someone to hold me and make me feel loved and i want to give all of the and so all of that with someone and make them feel loved, too 🥺 i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again. i want someone to look at me the way dave looks at klaus. and i want to look at someone the way klaus looks at dave. i want to love someone the way klaus loves dave. and i want someone to love me the way dave loves klaus. i know we didn’t get much screen time or content of them but i think we all can guess that they genuinely and truly loved each other. but just the way they loves each other and how much/how deeply they cared about and for each other and loved each other, is what i want, too. i don’t want a “perfect” relationship. i want a real, imperfect and loving one.

but my head is all over the place and don’t feel like i’m worth being loved like that by someone because of my stupid pms. even though rationally and logically, i know that’s not true. i just feel so lonely and low 😣 and being home the past week because of self isolating (thank you covid 🙃) i feel even more alone 😭 i just- idek 😭 i want people and i want to be with someone and i want to be wanted and needed and i want someone to love me and to love them back just as much as they love me. i want to not be alone or so lonely anymore.

i know i’m not perfect (i mean i know i’m anything but/very and really far from perfect) but i would be a good partner 🥺 (hell, the person could call me their boyfriend, girlfriend, their themfriend or their partner or whatever cute name they wanted!) i just want to be someone’s and i want someone to be mine 🥺😭

and i want to move out and be on my own, and i want money so i can afford to live on my own, and i want to move to california or ireland or somewhere in england and i’m just tired of not only living at home but living in michigan! (i’m not saying everything would suddenly be perfect or i wouldn’t have any problems where ever i move to, because i know i will have problems/there will be a new and different set of issues. but i’m just so tired of these ones lol.)

i’m tired of being a uterus owner! i’m tired of it messing with my hormones, emotions my mental health/messing with me mentally, i’m tired of it messing with me physically. i’m just tired of so many things from it and just tired of so many things in general!

there’s honestly so many other things i wanna vent about, but i don’t want this to be any longer than it already is 😣 i know it’s not that all that interesting and i understand it gets annoying and boring after a while.

i’m sorry all of this/my thoughts were all over the place. like i said, i have a lot going on in my head right now. it’s all just a jumbled mess 😣🤦‍♀️😓

[hood-ex]

Hey Emily can you and your writer-reader friends help us with this? It's a long story so sorry for that.

Me and a couple close friends found an author in a new fandom, we've been more or less chatting with her anonymously for a few months now and she's pretty nice we share a lot of brainrots as writer-readers ourselves. This author is kind of a niche writer so it's understandable that she really wants her fans to leave comments and be openly supportive, within this time she even had a depressive episode due to lack of engagement and fandom wankery. All understandable really. She came back a while ago and is back in great mood, and she dropped new fics too.

The problem is, the newest fic was sad and dark, the characters were bitter and the ending was ambiguous, tags and summary conveyed that, it was all intentional and her own friends have been hyping it up as sad bitter dark fic (not problematic dark, just dramatically angsty and bleak that fits canon tonally)

One of us has been going thru a very rough time themself, spiraled badly it seems, and I didn't learn about it until today. They read the fic, not their type of fic at all but I think they just wanted to feel something even if it was negative, judging by the comment. They're a big commenter and they left a long comment detailing all the stuff they liked, quotes, and that they really liked how the ending was not necessarily happy. This started the problem. Now the writer is constantly talking about how she hates sad endings, shading sad/ bittersweet endings, got her friends to post a lot of Happy content about those characters all of a sudden, talking to her other anons like she's venting about my friend's comment and my friend who had been avoiding social media happened to check in once, only to find all of that on their dash. They're now really upset at themself.

It's a messy situation and Idk how to help. I got to talk to my friend after days and this is what I see. They're regretting everything from commenting to ever "bothering" that author by chatting with her like It Is A Mess okay, and of course I'm worried about my friend but Idk how to handle the situation so the author doesn't get any flame or thinks we're attacking her? Our other friend is not as invested so he's okay with dropping the author altogether. Please advise us fanfic veterans we need it badly.

As long as your friend didn’t write anything rude/mean in their comment, I don’t see how they’ve done anything wrong in this situation. It sounds like the author is overreacting to a harmless comment.

At this point, it might be best to no longer engage with the author about this particular fic/topic if it’s going to cause distress to any of the parties involved. It might be better for you and your friend to put some space between y’all and the author for now. Maybe unfollow her until she’s done ranting about this topic. Eliminate the stressor from your lives, y’know? It doesn’t mean you can’t still read and enjoy her fics in the meantime.

I’ve personally reached out to people through chat when a problem has arisen (I wouldn’t try this approach anonymously via an Ask). I like this approach because you can be more direct without outsiders (followers) being in your business. However, I know this approach can be intimidating, especially when you’re trying to talk to a larger blog. Your friend also might not want to risk getting further backlash from the author which is understandable.

If your friend does decide to take the direct conversation approach then remind them not to come off aggressive or super defensive. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. Just a simple, “Hey, sorry for bothering you. I’ve seen you making some posts about so-and-so and I wanted to apologize if it was because of the comment I made on so-and-so fic. Just wanted to let you know I didn’t mean anything bad by it/didn’t mean to imply anything negatively about you/your fics.”

There's really not much else you can do about the situation. Just reassure your friend that they didn't do anything wrong/don't deserve the backlash and then try and wait for the author to move past the topic. It's up to y'all on whether y'all want to still engage with this author in the future.

Best of luck to you 🖤.

[the-firebird69]

Have a couple more announcements as time to get some rest

-our son was kind of trapped in here today. John remillard gave him trouble and it's because he is fixing a hole where he was trying to get in and we did have him looking and we looked in and people looked in and it looks okay and we can see it very openly candles it doesn't look bad and the vent stack is kind of leaking it's not good and it's sealed in now and the boot will go over it and we had a lot of trouble with John or even Lord today a lot of problems with him all over town in here and he should not be on the job he tried to screw it up three or four times we don't want him here and we want people to hire for something else send them somewhere else we don't want to working here and we don't want to working there our son a lot of people don't and I guess you guys are going to use them for stress to try and get here and the sooner empire is sick of you we're sick of you let him talk it's John remillard himself is very sick of you you ruined his fortune and his armies and you suck bags and everyone's going to die because of what you did and start a fight with them the trumps and you start to fight with the pseudo empire and he knows it's you BJ and that's what happens and it was still sick of you are you constant demands and you're whining droning it's terrible but he had to rest and it was kind of tough and he rested just kind of sat there now we have some more news

-we think that you constantly changing him and bothering him his cause so much damage you should know but you still have a lot of the populace it's still at 30% when you were at 55% and you don't notice a change cuz that's way too many you say and you're sick really really sick pigs and you don't notice about work because you don't like to work and you have weapons and stuff so sucks to be you you're stupid 2.5% out of 8%. It's nothing to sneeze about and bja and Trump used to make up 20% out of that 25% that's missing you think they'd slow down that's a lot it's mostly these assholes and it does not count the clothes who still number and about 17% on top of the population it's crazy this way too many idiots.

-we have major major attacks planned because we have to and some hefty stuff is going to come out and lay it away and you're going to be surprised it will lay you to waste and you'll be surprised and blame all sorts of things it's coming up pretty quick from this constant torment

-we also have a lot of stuff going on in the way of projects large large construction projects and for real on Earth on the surface in the middle areas and outside and if you got and your horse s*** and your Ricky dick s*** your assinine behavior you warlock has created an atmosphere of hatred of you that hasn't been present for a long time. Her son and daughter are upset it's terrible I know what it's like you're horrible horrible idiots you need to leave so we can help you leave we have things for you to do and for real eight more percent it's not a huge number the islands but well

-additional to the evacuation of Florida there's an evacuation of the mainland areas to the islands of all the warlock including pseudo empire they have some islands and they're going tonight and tomorrow and this whole week and so on tonight but that's significant and about 80% of it is Mac morlock excluding the student empire pseudo so that would be another percent 3.5% out of the eight pieces to 4.5% off Island plan on attacking the pseudo empire weather is your percent goes ahead or not and that would be another 1% down to 3.5%. has potentially that number by tomorrow morning laser bases and bunkers around the max our targeted.

I'm saying this because you act invincible and you know the odds and you know you're shrinking just want to see why

-today was a good day in town John remillard got fired from 5:00 jobs in punta Gorda that's five and he was laid off from 10 others and that's a lot and those jobs were ranking jobs and he is going to try and fire at PGA tomorrow from Port Charlotte but bja plants to fire him and from the sheriff and PD and so on but the evacuation will bring them only to 14.5 which is half of what they were last year and they're still going to have a lot of people for the most part in this area they're not going to the rings unless they're going to attack so they're going to wait we think the attack will be held off they're getting some things it might even be for almost a week to be a lot of annoying phone calls

-things are getting Jarred loose in Massachusetts Timmy is fighting and very hard and for his life against the trumpsters right now he's redoubling his efforts and tripling his efforts every hour and laying them to waste finding them and hitting and removing them is very fast and very rough. We anticipate within the next couple days it might move and with that John remillard will be too confident and he will try his death race and the move in westborough and a few other things and eventually he will lose and get strapped to Brad so someone knows what they're saying

-additionally to these battles and really wars and there's a big war developing in the Mojave and the Grand canyon area up near Utah and it's gigantic and they want to know what's down there they have sensors that are going nuts they have strange things and some really big stuff they're seeing what looks like men Frozen in the Earth. And women but really bulky it's hard to tell their women and it's going on now.

-there's some questions coming out of the very important and they're pretty good sized. He says if I'm living here my poops are not going to make it

-we have other things happening and they're important but we're going to post

Thor Freya

Olympus

Zues Hera

[rawraminirawr]

Today was supposed to be a big deal. (For me at least) But something happened and now I can't celebrate or do any of what I had been planning for weeks. It's my one year Vella-versary, and I'm so sad because I won't get this week or this day back. Just as I won't get back that other (even more special) day earlier this week.

A year ago today, I hit the publish button and published my first Episode. I summoned and gathered the courage to put my writing out there for the world to see and took a leap.

I went from writing two books/series (that I wasn't even sure I would ever do anything with) to working on drafts for six and publishing the first drafts of four of the six in serialized format as I write them.

I may not be getting even remotely close to as many reads as some authors do on the same platform, but a year ago I didn't have any. And honestly, I've just been proud of myself for following through on something and not quitting, for even having the courage to do this to begin with.

This month (for the first time since last July when I discovered Vella) I haven't published any new episodes at all or promoted any of my stories. So I don't have any reads, not a single one for all of July. I was originally okay with that as I spent the end of June and early July focusing on writing for fun again and building up content to be able to publish (and actually schedule in advance) episodes more consistently, without having to worry so much about the looming deadlines I always end up setting for myself.

AND I wasn't worried about it because I had planned to at least promote my existing, ongoing stories, my 50+ live Episodes the week of my Vella-versary (this week) and celebrate on my social media and the (new'ish) author pages I finally set up. But THAT, goddamnit...is what led to this emotional mental rollercoaster I've been on for the last six days, and the reason I couldn't promote this week and am not celebrating now (like I originally planned). I still had one more author page, one more platform I needed to work on and reestablish myself after being hacked/my accounts stolen back in November. And when I tried to do so, I saw something I didn't know about, something that blindsided me and ripped my heart in two, causing everything to crumble and come crashing down around me.

I haven't been able to write or even edit a single word of an episode for any of my stories since then. I wasn't able to work on the promotional stuff I needed to finish and get ready for this week/today. And now I can't even stand to be on that one social media platform (or any of them now really) and I didn't even finish getting it up and going. I'm still not doing so great mentally and emotionally, and now I feel like I'm stuck in a rut. To make matters even worse, I woke up two mornings ago with a horrible stiff neck and back. Couldn't hardly turn my head and I couldn't move very well and when I move certain ways it causes spasms or some of the muscles to feel like they are seizing up. By yesterday morning I had pain and problems with my left shoulder and arm in addition to my neck and back. Uggggh.

It's been such a shitty week and I feel like I just can't win. And of course, now I can't do anything on my laptop until my neck and back are a little better, so even if I could focus enough to work on my stories or promote, physically I just can't right now. Using my phone to even write this is difficult. But I need to vent.

This is the only platform I feel comfortable venting on. So here I am...wishing I could scream until my voice gives out because crying for days didn't help, and I still feel like this.

[evandorepart2]

longgggg fucking vent post under the cut. idk if it even counts as vent i am simply relaying information about the situation and i am unsure how i should feel right now

oh my fucking GOD my brother is such an asshole like. ok so whats happened over the past couple days is that

i hit a depressive period. it is Obvious -> since im depressed i dont have energy to eat or cook much and ive been struggling with making sure to eat Before this -> we have recently got groceries and there are muffins. before this i was literally eating a slice of bread so i would at the very least not pass out or vomit so obviously when we have that im going to switch to Depending on that -> this is something i do a lot, unconciously, to eat. i have a single 'meal' and stick with it until its run out. whether or not it has lots of steps.

what happened after this is

my brother gets pissed cause i ate all the muffins and he calls me a bitch and some other stuff idr cause i deleted the messages -> i am hanging by a thread and being confronted abt an insecurity on multiple levels makes me very upset -> i attempt to deflect these feelings by joking about it so that i can convince myself that im not upset -> he responds negatively and calls me annoying + brings up the fact that hes the only one whos been cleaning downstiars and subtly implying that im lazy and never do any work. a fact he Has said to my face despite this being proven Not True many times. and none of the Mess hes been cleaning up is mine since i have not been using the kitchen / using dishes / had items isolated to a single small table -> i get more upset and decide to be honest and write a short, frank note [bc this is all over text bc he never talks to me face to face] saying that i am depressed. its difficult to eat and i wasnt even Thinking of him [as he is someone who regularly gets on everyone else for eating junk sweet food so i dont think he wnats that stuff] and i apologize for being a dick and thank him for cleaning up.

after this he does not respond which means that there is nothing else he wants to say on the matter. that was a few days ago and i do not talk / go near him. ive phsyically seen him Three times since this exchange. and they lasted a few seconds since i quickly Left The Area.

today was the first time hes messaged me since then to tell me to do the dishes. i Was going to - was debating not to but then it got into my head as a Task I Need To Finish before i could continue what i was doing - but when i went downstairs he was on the couch and this scared me so i went back upstairs and was promising to do it tomorrow.

Until i had another breakdown and completely reorganized all my projects so i wouldnt have an unproductive spiral. and then i just finished so i thought Now i will do the dishes so i can get back into doing my Other Tasks. that is if they werent done - the thing with the dishes is that he said he was going to cook. which is how it usually goes. so its not like he just told me to clean LOL

but during this time i had headphones on which are sound proof and as i was going outside i took them off and realized the tv was on which means hes downstairs. and also i could smell meat cooking, meaning he was making dinner. its at this point i was like. whoops i didnt do the dishes that sucks but also. i Have told him i was in the middle of a depressive period. i havent been eating and i havent been leaving my room at all. even my father picked up on this. its easy to assume that he understands that hey! maybe youll tell me to do something and i just dont do it. for gods sake i didnt even answer the text bc i didnt want to say id do it and then not do it.

so i went to shower instead and felt really sick standing up since obviously i havent eaten and it feels like my stomach is caving in and i can smell food cooking which just makes it significantly worse.

which is whatever. i leave. i think about whether or not my pride will let me go downstairs when he tells me hes made dinner. NOTE: my father is gone today - hes partying with his work friends as a going away thing. so it is just us.

except! he hasnt texted me at all! in fact! its been half an hour since i know he cooked and nothing has been said to me. which leaves the options. he made something else and i can just fend for myself. he made the original meal [which was burgers and takes a while to do cause he does it from scratch] and was pissed that i didnt do the dishes so he didnt make me any. or hes still cooking and has yet to text me [doubtful]

which. i dont know which is worse! and i am unsure if i am allowed to be upset by this!

because on one hand yea. i was supposed to do the dishes and i couldnt even bring myself to do that.

but on the other hand. man im fucking depressed. it took two days of convincing to get me to brush my teeth again. i am getting physically ill from lack of food and ive been having casual thoughts of suicide again. and its not like he doesnt know. like ive told him. ive left out my diagnosis papers so he could see them - which he told me hes read ! im not 'suffering in silence' or whatever. im just FUCK i dont know. i hate this stupid family.

its like everyone looks at me and goes. yea you have problems. but the second i start i dont fucking know having problems everyone gets soooo mad at me and tells me how awful and lazy and how im literally never going to ammount to anything or do anything < real words that my brother had said ! he went off very long on how pathetic i am to my father and only 'apologized' like a day later when he was high which was barely even an apology he just said sorry and then hung up.

its like every time i try to get better and then everyone around me just. fucking i dont even know man. my mom hates me. my brother hates me. my father hates everything i like and everything i stand for and completely refuses to ever listen to me actually talk. im awful person to everyone around me and all my friends and im not getting out of this hell hole. nothing is going to change when i get to iowa. im just gonna be the same shitty person in an even shittier country with people and family that i hate

[junebug-888]

Some times you call me viscously sweet, as in I’m the kindest girl you’ve ever met. And that I am ridiculously sweet. Sweet to a fault event. And that I should let you know any time that you are being a dick and just say “hey you’re being a dick rn” which seems so generous of you to say.. but of course I could never call you a dick, it’s not in my nature. I love you after all and that’s just mean name calling.

How-fucking-ever, when you are being a dick like you are today I really wish I had the balls to take you up on that offer.

You got MAD at me for BEING IN PAIN today and for not going on a hike with you! What the actual fuck?! You know full well that I have ENDOMETRIOSES and that I have unpredictable flair ups so I never know when or what day of the week I’m going to be hunched over in pain. And that it is GETTING WORSE. It just so happened to flair up on your 3 day weekend hun I’m fucking sorry! I really don’t have any control over that. But yet I’m the one that’s here in pain and can hardly walk so why in the fuck are you yelling at me???

His reasoning was that my flair ups were ‘convenient’. Like whenever he wanted to do something like go for a hike or go somewhere, then I would conveniently be in too much pain to go. Which is half true, he’s not entirely wrong. The part that he’s wrong about is the ‘conveniency’ because they are actually complete OPPOSITE of convenient. They are obviously INCONVENIENT as all hell!!! My endometrioses flairs up and is painful not just when he wants to go out and do fun stuff but when I need to go and important daily life stuff and it can be a big fucking obstacle to doing my everyday tasks. Granted I don’t complain about this stuff to him every time it happens (cause it’s KINDA FUCKING EMBARRASSING that I’m struggling to walk the dog or get groceries or run other errands) so he probably does see it as a more rare occurrence.

I just can’t believe that he would get so mad at me for not going on a hike with him because I’m in pain and accusing me of faking it. And say that we never do what he want to do which is total BS cause we do shared activities each weekend with both of our input being taken into account into the decision. Plus we have gone on plenty of hikes before.

Before this conversation we had just got back from a 1-2mile walk around the neighborhood as well so it wasn’t like we hadn’t gotten a good walk in or anything either. And I was going slow on the walk CAUSE I WAS HURTING and he just kept nagging me to go faster.

If anyone reads this far, I appreciate you listening to me vent about my fiancé (we are getting married in October). He’s a really good guy but he drives me insane some times. I hope you have a good day wherever you may be 🖤

[sugirandom]

I posted 482 times in 2022

11 posts created (2%)

471 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@aisuryuu

@eiledon

@the-stray-liger

@handageddon

@leviathans-tail

I tagged 88 of my posts in 2022

#lol - 9 posts

#references - 3 posts

#sugi rambles - 3 posts

#ooh - 2 posts

#cool - 2 posts

#yeah - 2 posts

#aisuryuu - 2 posts

#lols - 2 posts

#i see what you did there - 1 post

#but yeah there's a shit ton of kids piloting these things - 1 post

Longest Tag: 120 characters

#the fact that professional voice actors who've been in the field for years are getting taking advantage of is disgusting

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

ughh, I’ve gotten what I’m officially dubbing an allercold. That moment when allergy symptoms practically mimic a cold...and I haven’t been able to do auditions since Thursday. It affected recording for FOBG too...so here’s hoping with rest, liquids, and medicine I can kick this to the curb soon! It’s odd because i haven’t experienced this since I was in Japan last...and at that point I’m sure it was because of not being adjusted to Japanese pollen...I guess this time it’s that mix of leaves and rain plus dusty heat vents...ughhh

It is cute though how Gabe meows at me whenever I cough...in almost a worried/annoyed way. Poppy will be here briefly just to pack and I have to pick up a prescription but other than that I’ll be at home alone for the next few days so at least there’s that.

2 notes - Posted October 31, 2022

#4

Six characters: Gino Weinberg, Shirley, Rivalz, Milllie, Nunnaly, Lloyd Asplund

Oooh, I wasn’t expecting to get Code Geass characters! This will be fun but also a bit difficult

Push off a cliff: I guess I’m going with Shirley this time, I really did like her as a character even though she could be annoying and was certainly more self-centered so I don’t need to set her on fire in a fit of rage or anything.

Kiss: Gino Weiberg, one of the only two characters you wrote out the full name of lol. It’s probably due to his interactions with Suzaku but he seems like he’d be fun to hang out with and at least kiss. I don’t know if I’d want to get too close though, poor boy probably has a lot of trauma being a Knight of the Round.

Marry: Millie, She’s super loyal and also a pretty chill person so I feel like we’d be pretty compatible overall.

Set on Fire: I always hate this choice, I guess I’m not sadistic enough lol... anyway, Lloyd just by default lol. I don’t really hate him even though he’s probably partially responsible for a lot of trauma done to Suzaku but I mean he’s doing his job? So, yeah sorry about that Lloyd...

Wrap a blanket around: This was a tossup, I was originally going to say Rivalz but then I decided I wanted to room with him so I’m going with Nunnally.

Be Roommates with: Rivalz, I mean if he can tolerate Lelouch he can tolerate me and he’s a pretty cool and generally under appreciated guy!

3 notes - Posted January 27, 2022

#3

Tomorrow and Sunday my best bro and I are headed to a gaming convention

The one I mentioned previously on here...ha ha, yeah we’re going even though it was last minute but we can’t go today cause best bro has work. So yeah, it’s my first convention in three years so...I’m looking forward to it! 

4 notes - Posted June 24, 2022

#2

My new voice acting website is (mostly) finished

Go and visit it if you get the chance:

http://kevinwilsonvoiceactor.com/

My avatar was done by my talented friend @aisuryuu who also contributed the avatars for our Gaming Youtube Channel (FromOurBasementGaming), highly recommend them if you need any commissions done.

On my website you can hear some demos of various voice over styles, more will be added as I make more but you can get a general feel of what I sound like from them. If you happen to need any voice over work that I’d be good for feel free to contact me and we can discuss it!

Thanks for taking the time to look at my self-promo! Please don’t hesitate to contact me, I need some work for life and portfolio building and all that stuff.

6 notes - Posted March 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

This weekend I’ll be attending AnimeUSA

This is the first time in three years that I’ve gone to this convention (my best bro is going with me) so I’m pretty excited!

9 notes - Posted October 13, 2022

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