#Bay Area on a budget

[beingjellybeans]

8 ways to explore the Bay Area without breaking the bank

The Bay Area is one of the most iconic and culturally rich regions in the United States, with a unique blend of natural beauty, diversity, and history. From the stunning vistas of the Golden Gate Bridge to the vibrant cultural scene of San Francisco, there are countless reasons to explore this dynamic region. Exploring the Bay Area can be a dream come true for many, but it can also be expensive.…

[makasani]

I made this movie 5 years ago but recently cut out 35 minutes of it. This is a new and improved edit. Needed the years removed to be less precious and it’s all the better for it.

I’ve never liked this movie more. Before I’d always felt so weird and conflicted by it but now I finally feel a sense of peace and pride and excitement by it.

January Jaguar. Thanks for watching.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Hollywood is the single best example of mature labor power in America

This afternoon (May 6), I’ll be in Berkeley at the Bay Area Bookfest for a 3:30PM event with Glynn Washington for my book Red Team Blues; tomorrow (May 7), it’s an 11AM event with Wendy Liu for my book Chokepoint Capitalism.

Weds (May 10), I’m in Vancouver for a keynote at the Open Source Summit and a book event at Heritage Hall and Thu (May 11), I’m in Calgary for Wordfest.

The Writers Guild is on strike. Hollywood is closed for business. The union’s bargaining documents reveal a cartel of studios that refused to negotiate on a single position. This could go on for a long-ass time:

https://www.wga.org/uploadedfiles/members/member_info/contract-2023/WGA_proposals.pdf

If you’d like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here’s a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/06/people-are-not-disposable/#union-strong

The writers are up for it. A lot of people are saying this is the first writers’ strike since 2007/8, but that’s not quite right. That was the last time the writers went on strike against the studios, but in 2019, the writers struck against their own talent agents — within the space of a week, all 7,000 writers in Hollywood fired their agents. They struck against the agencies for 22 months.

https://deadline.com/2023/04/hollywood-strike-writers-guild-studios-talent-agencies-1235333516/

The agencies had consolidated down to four major firms, two backed by private equity who loaded them up with debt that could only be repaid if the agencies figured out how to vastly increase their profits. They did so, by unilaterally switching the way they did business with their clients. Instead of taking a 10% commission on the creative wages they bargained for, the agencies started to take “packaging fees” from the studios for putting together a writer, director, stars, etc. These fees came out of the same budget that the talent got paid from, so the higher the fee was, the less the talent made. Soon, some showrunners were discovering that they were getting 10% and their agents were getting 90%!

The agencies weren’t done, either: they were building their own studios, and planning to negotiate with themselves on behalf of their clients. The writers said fuck this shit. They issued a code of conduct ordering the agencies to knock all that shit off. The agencies swore they’d never do it. Why should they? Every job these writers had ever done came through an agency, and the agencies were staffed with the toughest, most obnoxious negotiators on the planet.

They were sure the writers would cave. After all, the top tier of writers had been handled with kid gloves by the agencies and not ripped off to the same extent as their jobbing, workaday peers. They’d break solidarity and the union would collapse, right?

Wrong. Twenty-two months later, every one of the agencies caved on every single point. Bam. Union strong.

(Want to learn more? Check out Chokepoint Capitalism, Rebecca Giblin’s and my book about creative labor markets:)

http://chokepointcapitalism.com

Now the writers are back on strike and it’s triggered a predictable torrent of anti-worker nonsense (“striking writers will lead to public indifference to torture!) (no, really) (ugh):

https://www.readtpa.com/p/on-the-tv-writers-strike-dont-fall

One common theme in these bad takes is that writers aren’t real workers, like, you know, coal miners or Starbucks baristas. They’re coddled intellectuals, and haven’t the intelligentsia been indifferent to proletarian struggle since, you know, time immemorial?

This is wrong in every conceivable way. For starters, it’s ahistorical. Lord Byron and innumerable other toffs and poets and such were right there with the Luddites, demanding labor justice during the Industrial Revolution, as Brian Merchant writes in his outstanding, forthcoming history of the Luddites, Blood in the Machine:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/03/20/love-the-machine/#hate-the-factory

But you don’t have to look back to the stocking frame to find this kind of solidarity. As Hamilton Nolan writes in his newsletter, “Hollywood is the single best example of mature labor power in America”:

https://www.hamiltonnolan.com/p/the-coral-reef-of-humanity-encircling

The entire Hollywood workforce, from grips to carpenters, costumers to plumbers, teamsters to medics, is unionized. That includes writers and actors (I’m a member of IATSE Local 839, AKA The Animation Guild). I live in Burbank, the entertainment industry’s company town (fun fact! The “Hollywood” studios are largely over the city line, in Burbank). Walk down Burbank Boulevard, Magnolia Boulevard, or any of the other major roads, and you’ll pass many union halls.

Burbank is a prosperous place. That’s thanks, in part, to the studios, whose entertainment products are very profitable. But working in a profitable industry is not, in and of itself, a guarantee that you will get a share of those profits. Some of the most profitable industries in the world — e-commerce, fast food, logistics — have the lowest paid workforces.

Burbank is prosperous because the unions made sure that everyone — the grips, the costumers, the animators, the actors, the writers, the teamsters and the pipefitters — gets a decent wage, decent health care and a decent retirement. My pal the set-dresser who worked crazy hours shlepping furniture around sitcom sets for decades? All that work did bad stuff to his joints, which meant that he needed a hip replacement in his forties — which was 100% covered, including his sick leave while he recovered. He was able to take early retirement in his late fifties, with a solid pension, with his health in excellent shape and many years of happiness with his partner stretching before him.

That’s what unions get you: a good job that might be hard at times, and the costs of your work are borne by the employer who profits from your labor. As Nolan writes, the point of unions is to “make sure that people! Are! Not! Disposable!”

Unions deliver the American dream. As Pete Seeger sang in “Talking Union Blues”:

Now, if you want higher wages let me tell you what to do You got to talk to the workers in the shop with you You got to build you a union, got to make it strong But if you all stick together, boys, it won’t be long You get shorter hours, better working conditions Vacations with pay. Take your kids to the seashore

http://www.protestsonglyrics.net/Labor_Union_Songs/Talking-Union.phtml

We tend to focus on wages in union discussions, but unions aren’t merely about getting better pay, it’s about making better jobs. When LA teachers went out on strike in 2019, wages weren’t at the top of their list — they bargained for greenspace for every school, replacing rotting portables with permanent buildings, ending ICE entrapment of parents at the school gates, social workers and counselors for schools…and wages.

I really like how Nolan puts this. The way that the studios make money has changed: streaming is clobbering ad-supported TV and movie theater tickets. The studios are adapting. The workers want to adapt, too. The studios would rather “treat[] their work force as a disposable natural resource to be mined, used up, and then abandoned, as business dictates.”

A union gives workers “the same ability to adapt to changing industries that companies already have.” The studios want to leave workers behind. Unions give workers the collective power to say, “No. You’re taking us with you.”

Union workers are wealthier than their non-union counterparts, but that’s not just because of higher wages. As Nolan writes, “Unions make sure that the people get to adapt to changing industries, and not just the investors and the business owners.”

[Union workers] have a far greater ability to build coherent, long-term careers, as opposed to a constant treadmill of unstable short-term gigs. In non-union industries, businesses can just act like ships cutting through a desperate sea of workers, scooping up whoever they want and then tossing them overboard as soon as it’s convenient. In a union industry, though, the companies are forced to deal with the labor force as an equal. The workers have their own damn boat.

Advocates for market capitalism insist that market forces increase prosperity for everyone. They say that, in the end, having corporations serve their shareholders results in corporations serving everyone.

But a comparison of unionized and nonunionized industries reveals the hollowness of that prospect. Hollywood is wildly profitable and it pays every kind of worker well. That’s because workers have solidarity across sectors and trades. Striking writers like jonrog1 are calling on supporters to donate to the Entertainment Community Fund:

https://twitter.com/jonrog1/status/1654168529728307204

The Entertainment Community Fund supports everyone else who is affected by the work-stoppage, all the other creative and craft trades whose work has been halted by the writers’ struggle. If you want to support these workers, make sure you select “Film and TV” from the drop-down menu when you donate (we gave $100):

https://entertainmentcommunity.org/

Because all the workers are in this together. As Adam Conover explains in this amazing CNN clip, David Zazlav, the head of CNN parent-company Warner-Discovery, made a quarter of a billion dollars last year, enough to pay all the demands of all the writers:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aL-YwKO81go

And Carol Lombardini, spokesvillain for the studio cartel AMPTP, told the press that “”Writers are lucky to have term employment.” As John Rogers says, she “wiped out the doubt of every writer who wasn’t sure this negotiation really IS so important, that it actually IS about turning us into gig workers.”

https://twitter.com/jonrog1/status/1654506611086606336

The stakes in this strike are the same as the stakes in every strike: will workers get a fair share of the value their labor creates, or will that value be piled up in the vaults of $250,000,000/year CEOs? It’s not like the studios especially hate writers — like all corporations, they hate all their workers. The same tactics that they’re using to make it so writers can’t pay the rent today will be turned on every other kind of Hollywood worker tomorrow — and when the writers win this one, they’ll support those workers, too.

There’s a lot of concern about AI displacing creative labor, but the only entity that can take away a writer’s wage is a human being, an executive at a studio. As has been the case since the time of the Luddites, the issue isn’t what the machine does, it’s who it does it for and who it does it to.

After all, as Charlie Stross points out, a corporation is just a “Slow AI,” remorselessly paperclip-maximizing its way through the lives and joy of the flesh-and-blood people who constitute its inconvenient gut-flora:

https://media.ccc.de/v/34c3-9270-dude_you_broke_the_future#video&t=3478

Catch me on tour with Red Team Blues in Berkeley, Vancouver, Calgary, Toronto, DC, Gaithersburg, Oxford, Hay, Manchester, Nottingham, London, and Berlin!

[Image ID: Animators walk the picket-line during the Disney Animator's Strike in 1941.]

Image: LA Times https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Screen_Cartoonist%27s_Guild_strike_at_Disney.jpg

CC BY 4.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/deed.en

[thicc-anxieties]

My dear friends require help moving for their own safety and the safety of their pets; they have not been able to work these past few months and need financial aid to get out and into a new home as soon as possible. Please spread the word and donate if you are able to ! It would be greatly appreciated.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Cricket and/or Ad (@cricket_noodz)

Donations: Venmo: @Cricket_Ad Cashapp: $cricketad PayPal: @snookums96

Down below is also i link to a post I made regarding Cricket's crochet and art pieces! they make really soft hats and are willing to sell around the Bay Area and do possible shipping. Their DMs are open for inquiries!

[sleepnoises]

also, Californian train-likers and policy wonks, we [note: the whole state of california] have a likely upcoming budget shortage for transit and there is a subcommittee meeting On This Very Day one can call into and say "money please":

https://www.seamlessbayarea.org/blog/2023/5/22/critical-votes-in-the-legislature-this-coming-week-on-transit-fiscal-cliff

seamless bay area will let you sign up for a "call in now" alert and they have a list of talking points and everything... please help the train nerds

[reasonsforhope]

The California governor, Gavin Newsom, has announced a plan to transform the state’s oldest prison into a center for rehabilitation, education and training, modeled after Norwegian incarceration systems, which are much less restrictive than US facilities.

Newsom told the Los Angeles Times on Thursday that his goal was “ending San Quentin [prison] as we know it” and working to “completely reimagine what prison means”. San Quentin, located on a peninsula in the San Francisco Bay Area and established in 1852, houses nearly 4,000 people, including hundreds on its infamous death row, the largest in the US, which is on track to be dismantled.

The Democratic governor said that by 2025, he plans to transition the massive penitentiary into a final stop of incarceration before individuals are released, with a focus on job training for trades, including plumbers, electricians or truck drivers, the LA Times reported. His recently released budget proposal includes $20m to start the effort.

“The ‘California Model’ the governor is implementing at San Quentin will incorporate programs and best practices from countries like Norway, which has one of the lowest recidivism rates in the world – where approximately three in four formerly incarcerated people don’t return to a life of crime,” the governor’s office said in a statement on Thursday. The prison will be renamed the San Quentin Rehabilitation Center.

Pictured: Instructor Douglas Arnwine hands back papers with comments to his students at San Quentin state prison in April 2022.

The transformation Newsom has described would, at least for San Quentin, mark a fundamental shift from the extremely punitive American system. The US has the highest reported incarceration rate in the world...

Although California is considered a leader in criminal justice reform, the state’s prison system continues to be overcrowded, with thousands of elderly people languishing behind bars and Black residents disproportionately imprisoned for decades due to harsh sentencing laws adopted in the 1990s.

Scandinavian models of incarceration that have garnered increasing attention from some US lawmakers are less focused on punishment and are meant to give imprisoned people support and a sense of normal life behind bars so that they are prepared to reintegrate into society. That can mean access to personal computers, televisions and showers, consistent classes and programming, fresh food, more freedom of movement and stronger connections with the outside world.

“Do you want them coming back with humanity and some normalcy, or do you want them coming back more bitter and more beaten down?” Newsom told the LA Times.

An overhaul of San Quentin would be a huge undertaking, and there are significant unanswered questions about what the transition would mean for its current residents as well as the tens of thousands of others located across the California department of corrections and rehabilitation (CDCR). San Quentin has a long and recent history of scandals involving abuse, overcrowding, guard misconduct and medical neglect. It is also a prison that has significantly more programming than some of the remote and rural CDCR prisons, with a renowned podcast produced by incarcerated San Quentin journalists.

The governor’s office noted research showing that every $1 spent on rehabilitation saves more than $4 on costs of re-incarceration; that people who enroll in education programs behind bars are 43% less likely to return to prison; and that crime survivor groups say victims prefer sentences that include programming designed to prevent recidivism...

Assemblymember Mia Bonta noted that California spends $14.5bn on prisons each year – $106,000 a person – but traditionally puts only about 3.4% toward rehabilitation: “It’s time for a significant paradigm shift.”

One of the reporters in attendance was Steve Brooks, an incarcerated journalist and editor of the San Quentin News paper, who asked the governor how the Scandinavian model would be adopted in a prison where residents remain concerned about overcrowding and the living conditions. Brooks also said people were concerned that those convicted of violent offenses would be excluded from programs under a new system. Newsom responded, “I’m not looking to cherry pick certain offenses. I’m for people who are committed, not passively interested, in changing themselves.”

-via The Guardian, 3/17/23

[bao3bei4]

zine finance and fulfillment

hi everyone. now that i’ve completed the “spending money” part of “yaoi zine 2” (for the most part. i hope nothing gets lost in the mail, although i’ve resigned myself to it), i thought i would make a long boring post about zine finance and fulfillment. this is because people talk about it less than other parts of zine making online. so i hope this will be of interest or use to at least one person.

none of this should be new to anyone who’s ran a zine before, but my hope is to give people who are interested in it some food for thought so that we have more cool zines that i can buy. 

before we begin. a brief disclaimer: i am kind of half-assed about good zine finance hygiene. that is to say, i keep the money in my personal checking account, i don’t have a llc, etc. i do declare zine income on my taxes (i write it almost all of it off, since i only make not-for-profit zines). this is because i am twenty three years old and i have a small scale operation. i recognize and acknowledge that i do not follow best practices, and someone else should write a long boring post about what all best practices entails. 

this post is about how i price my zines, and my workflow for fulfillment. that’s all it is. i hope that it is useful for anyone else trying to cheaply and quickly make and sell maybe 150 zines or so to their friends and followers. 

so i do a sort of stupid model for my zines, which is that i charge a flat rate to send a zine anywhere in the world. this is a stupid model because, in the case of “yaoi zine 2,” the “real cost” of sending one zine to the united states is $11.58. the “real cost” to send a zine to, say, the united kingdom is $24.20. you may notice that this means it actually costs me five dollars and twenty cents every time someone in the united kingdom buys a zine, as i priced the zines at $19 each. this is generally a horrible business model. as i write this now, i am realizing that i really should have made the zines $24, steep as it is. just because yikes. -$5.20. 

but i like doing it this way because it feels fairer. and also because i’m the sole proprietor of “tshirt zines” and i can do whatever i want. i just am commenting that i cannot ethically tell you to adopt this model, since i’ve signed the hippocratic oath. this is because you need to be okay with using your personal funds to cover any losses that you take as a result of this model. this is true for all zines, but like. especially here. 

back to the matter at hand. how did i arrive at that $19 number, knowing that i would lose money on at least some sales? 

there are basically four components i keep in mind: shipping materials (think envelopes, labels, toner for my printer), printing cost (i just call up printers and ask for estimates), shipping cost (i’ll talk more about this in a sec), and stripe fees (.029 * price + 0.30 atm). use a spreadsheet to keep them straight. 

i went over budget on shipping materials because i last minute decided to make little freebie one page zines and burned through a bunch of toner in the process, so we won’t talk about that. this one is simple, anyway. you know how to figure out the price of mailing envelopes.

printing cost. i like working with local printers, if i can. if the zine is too big for me to print at home, but small enough it can be saddle stitched, i’ve worked with lightning press here in the bay area, and keith has never let me down. great guy. for perfect bound zines, like “yaoi zine 2,” i used mixam.com. i wasn’t the biggest fan, quite a few zines came a little bent or warped (this is why you order extra. that and in case they get lost in the mail). keith would NEVER do that to me. i’ve also heard good things about bookmobile, but i was keeping it simple for this printing. dm me if you’ve used them. 

anyway, all told, the price of an individual zine shipped to me, taxes and everything was $6.14. i estimated that it would cost $6.

shipping cost. so since i do aforementioned stupid model, i have to arrive at a number. PERSONALLY. the number i PERSONALLY have arrived at. based on my particular following. after doing five internationally shipped zines, is that i can usually expect 70% domestic orders, 30% international. i guesstimate the weight of the zine by stacking and weighing other zines i have until i get a decent facsimile (NB you should probably just weigh your proof but i wanted to expedite the timeline), and then i check these charts. peep the “large envelope” numbers. 

domestic: https://pe.usps.com/text/dmm300/Notice123.htm#_c037 

international: https://pe.usps.com/text/dmm300/Notice123.htm#_c341

i actually used media mail for my domestic orders, this time, because of the size. so it cost $3.92 to mail one zine domestically, and rounding between all the zones, i guessed that it would cost $16 for most international zines. 

i then did the following equation (0.7 * 3.92) + (0.3 *16) = $7.24

actually i’m lying. i did (0.7 * 3) + (0.3 *12) = $5.70 because i underestimated the weight of the zine so that’s on me. i rounded that number to $6. 

“what about canada” shipping to canada is actually basically the same cost as that mean zine shipping cost. so they don’t actually affect my calculations at all. 

stripe fees. self explanatory. remember them, though. 

anyway. zine price = shipping materials + printing cost times two + averaged shipping cost + stripe fees. 

now, you may notice that i underestimated a lot of things. how did i break even? three reasons. 

first, LUCK! that’s right. my ratio this time was skewed more in the favor of us zines than international zines, about 80-20. who knows why. probably the strong us dollar atm made it cost prohibitive for many people. geopolitics strikes again.

and second, actually i made about $580 profit, that i had to disburse. i was never actually in danger of losing money, because of that “printing cost times two” i skipped over really fast. the purpose of that is to cover printing and shipping free copies for all contributors. i arrived at the number two because 1) according to oomf that’s apparently standard, 2) it’s a nice round number, and 3) if i sold 50 copies (my original lowball estimate of how many i would sell) that was my break even number to print contributor copies.

$580/$12.88 (my actual raw cost of a zine, without stripe fees) = about 45. i had 21 contributors, so after mailing them out zines, i had around $300 profit, or 24 zines worth of it, left. this is where the money for the giveaway zines came from!

third. i also had some profit from selling “yaoi zine 1” again which HADN’T gone over my estimate. because i’d shipped them before. this helped pay me back for all the extra expenses. 

let’s talk about more logistics. i use bigcartel for my storefront because it’s free. that’s literally the only reason why. i use stripe instead of paypal because to make it a business account (and not expose my legal name to everyone) i would have needed to update my account with an id and that would reveal to them that i created my paypal account when i was 13. stripe has no such problem for me. 

i fulfilled orders this time using “pirate ship” because, again, free. in the past i’ve used shipstation + stamps dot com combo, because that afaik is the only bigcartel integrated service that allows you to buy letter mail postage (i want to send them as letters, not packages, because it’s cheaper). but that you have to pay money for, or use the free trial. since i was using media mail this time, pirate ship was good enough for me. 

when all of the zines arrived at my house i began stuffing envelopes and printing labels with the help of a lovely friend. don’t do this alone you EITHER get really bored or you slip into that sports manga ass trance that anyone who’s ever done repetitive labor has experienced and the day blips by. instead i had fun with a friend.

now. there is no way. as far as i know. to buy international letter mail stamps online. this is because you are not supposed to use it for your online store because you can only send things with a value of $0. and they have to be documents. so using them for zines is really skirting legality here unforch. 

WHAT I DO INSTEAD. i go to the closest post office with that pitney bowes machine, and i monopolize it printing postage. yeah. go at an off time. BE PREPARED to annoy everyone else at the post office. let them take turns with you obviously, but there will be some mean old lady who will make a snarky comment about you so stay fucking safe. 

 i think that’s everything i have to explain about my process. go make a zine. and consider selling it. 

[tmbgareok]

This 7/17/2002 signed ticket stub is particularly precious to me.

TMBG were playing back-to-back shows at the Fillmore in San Francisco, and this was the first. It was ten months after 9/11, and the venue was packed with New Yorkers who had moved to the Bay Area for the dotcom boom and were now intensely homesick and grieving. TMBG has always kept that hometown band feel, and we needed it. Given all that, I was certain they would play "New York City." But the encores came and went, and they never did.

After the show, JF was sitting on the edge of the stage signing autographs. I went up to him and explained just how much we NEEDED to hear that song. Audaciously, I said, "Promise me you'll play it, and I'll go get my ticket for tomorrow's show right now." (This was in the days before their shows all sold out—though they were selling well enough that they really didn’t need to care about whether I went to the show or not.)

"We'll play the song," he said, and I didn't feel like he was just humoring me. I'd been pinching pennies and hadn't budgeted for a second concert, but I needed all the New York I could get. I went to the box office and got my ticket.

The next night's show opened with "New York City." Maybe they’d meant to all along, but I like to think they actually listened to and cared about the pleas of a fan. And that is why I will be a fan of this band until the day I die.

[beardedmrbean]

Two conservative groups say San Francisco and the state of California are racist for illegally giving away millions in tax money to three non-profits that exclude recipients based on race and gender identity.

The American Civil Rights Project and the Californians for Equal Rights Foundation say the city and state violate the law by picking who gets federal money based on skin color.

The suit names three guaranteed-income programs.

The Black Economic Equity Movement hands out $500 a month exclusively to young, Black Bay Area residents.

SAN FRANCISCO MAYOR PUSHES ADDICTION SCREENING FOR WELFARE RECIPIENTS

Guaranteed Income for Trans-people pays $1,200 a month to Black, Indigenous and Latino recipients, provided they are also transgender.

The Abundant Birth Project gives out $1,000 a month solely to pregnant Black and Pacific Islander women.

"We are asking for these programs to be halted until they are no longer discriminatory," says lawyer Dan Morenoff of the American Civil Rights Project.

"Each of these three programs qualifies and disqualifies individuals from participation and benefits based on their race."

San Francisco established the Abundant Birth Project in 2020 through its department of health. It provides $1,000 to $1,500 a month, for roughly nine months, solely to "Black and Pacific Islander women in San Francisco." Other races are not eligible for this "unconditional" income. Its annual budget is $1.8 million, but new $5 million in grants expand the program to four additional counties.

Advocates say that Black and Pacific Islander women need the help because of higher rates of premature birth. "This risk is primarily due to racism, both structural racism and racism that birthing people experience when they interact with physicians and other medical providers," says Dr. Zea Malawa of the San Francisco Department of Public Health.

True or not, the lawsuit claims, it remains illegal to exclude White and Latino women, especially those with higher risks of complication.

In November last year, San Francisco launched another guaranteed income program.

"To participate you must be Black, between the ages of 18 and 24, and live in certain areas within Oakland or San Francisco," according to BEEM guidelines. Those applying as 'White' on-line are told they are 'not eligible'.

The GIFT project provides $1,200 a month for 18 months to "Transgender, Non Binary, Gender Non-Conforming and Intersex" individuals provided they are "Black, Indigenous or People of Color."  The program is run through the city's Office of Transgender Initiatives. Last week, the watchdog group Judicial Watch also sued San Francisco over the GIFT project.

The money in all three programs is provided with no strings attached, via a debit card replenished each month.

"Guaranteed Income is a temporary monthly payment made to people without any requirements or obligations," says BEEM. "It’s an approach to supporting people, so they have a little breathing room, can take care of immediate needs, and plan for the future."

Similarly, the GIFT project says, "the $1,200 stipend will be provided to participants so they may focus on their basic physical and mental health and wellness without worrying about income."

Fox News reached out to all three programs, but all declined an interview. Mayor London Breed's office said in a statement that the programs are legal and that it looks forward to addressing the charges in court.

[allstartrekgames]

Stage 9

Original Release: 2018

Developer: Messy Desk

Publisher: Messy Desk

Platform: PC

Stage 9 was a very ambitious fan project: recreate the Enterprise D in its entirety to explore at your own leisure. The project was shut down by CBS before it was completed, so we only have a selection of areas to explore – although most major areas are covered, including some never seen in the show.

As this is a very early build, the optimisation isn’t great, so it will be sluggish on decent PCs. As it’s just exploring, it’s not an issue. NPCs look a bit freaky, but you can turn them off.

The Enterprise D interiors have been recreated in astounding detail, areas we never got to see – such as the stairs to the Observation lounge – are now something we can look at and inspect. Some consoles also have functionality, you can take control of the ship, play with cargo bay tractor beams and open shuttlebay doors.

Speaking of shuttlebays, the most impressive location in this is the Enterprise D’s main shuttlebay, which we never got to see in the show. It’s absolutely colossal, like a full size airport, and you can see why they never had the budget to create a set for it (and CGI was too early when the show was on the air). It really helps to sell the scale of the ship.

Another treat is the holodeck, which has more bridges to explore. There’s the bridge of the Enterprise form The Original Series along with different variants of the Enterprise D bridge from: the Encounter at Farpoint, Yesterday’s Enterprise, All Good Things and Generations, giving you a nice idea of how much they were changed for these episodes.

It is easy to get lost, though, and it seems obvious that a map would have been implemented later in development. You can find some neat extras such as a phaser range and a shuttle you can pilot.

It’s a massive shame that this project was shut down. The developers behind this were hired to make an interactive experience for The Orville where you get to explore the whole ship, and some of them are working on The Roddenberry Archive.

[lonestarflight]

Space Station Concepts: Dual Keel

"The new 'Dual Keel' Station was largely based on Lockheed and McDonnell-Douglas designs and its structure was much stiffer and hence easier to stabilize. It would offer additional space for external instruments plus a better microgravity environment than the previous gravity gradient-stabilized 'Power Tower.' The number of crew members was increased to 8 astronauts because scientists were concerned that a crew of six would be too busy with assembly and maintenance tasks and have no time for research. NASA's target date for the launch of the first element was now January 1993 while the initial operational capability had slipped to January 1994 mainly because the Fiscal 1986 budget was reduced from $280 million to just $200 million.

"McDonnell-Douglas illustration of the 'Dual Keel crew modules.

This McDonnell-Douglas concept drawing depicts a robotic arm controlled by an astronaut. The arm is being used to maneuver a new addition to the space station into place. The robotic arm was to have been essential to building the space station in orbit.”

11 Shuttle flights would be required for initial assembly. Officially, the estimated cost of the Station had only increased by $400 million but there were concerns that NASA was once again hiding the true cost of the larger, more complex 'Dual Keel' design.

“Dual Keel space station – Initial Operational Capability (IOC) Configuration, 11-15-85”

NASA struggled to define a 'Dual Keel' design that met all the various cost, engineering, safety, launch and user requirements. By the time Phase B1 ended in March 1986, the size of the truss structure elements had been increased from 3 x 3 meters to 5 x 5 meters for additional strength and stiffness. Another early 1986 modification involved the power system, which was upgraded to 87.5 kW. By the end of Phase B1 in March 1986, NASA had settled for a hybrid system consisting of 37.5 kW photovoltaic arrays and 50 kW solar thermodynamic generators. The number of American crew modules was also reduced from four to two while European and Japanese laboratories were incorporated in the design for the first time. The habitable volume remained the same, though, since the length of the US modules was increased to 13.3 meters. NASA Space Station Office submitted its recommended final baseline in May 1986 as Phase C/D started. The number of instrument mounting ports was reduced to five, down from an earlier projection of nine. One of the two bays for satellite servicing was also deleted.

According to the May '86 Space Station assembly sequence, the first element would be launched in January 1993. The Station would support man-tended operations after the sixth Shuttle assembly mission in August 1993 and be ready for permanent occupation after the ninth mission in January 1994. Initial Operating Capability (IOC) would be achieved after 21 flights -- twice as many as the 1984 estimate.

By the time of the 'Dual Keel' Space Station's final flight sequence overview in October 1986 NASA had to insert an additional eight Shuttle flights into the manifest. By this time, increased complexity and Shuttle payload capability reductions had increased the required number of assembly flights to more than 30 for an Initial Operating Capability (IOC) vs. 8-10 in 1984.

"The design of the Space Station has undergone the first major configuration change prior to the start of Phase B. The artist’s concept here depicts the updated Dual Keel method which retains many of the basic elements of the previously considered Power Tower concept. The primary difference is the move to favor two vertical booms rather than the Power Tower’s single boom. The dual booms provide additional framework for the attachment of other structures. Pressurized modules have also been moved from the lower area of the Power Tower concept to the Center of gravity. This has been done, NASA officials say, to meet the needs of future space station customers for the best microgravity environment attainable. More refinements are expected in the design as the program works toward the Systems Requirements Review in March of 1986."

NASA's new Space Station design was criticized in a widely publicized astronaut office briefing by Shuttle astronaut Gordon Fullerton. The Dual Keel design was found to provide poor access for maintenance, visibility from habitable areas was obstructed, there was no provision for internal vehicle 'hands on' access to EVA equipment. No crew escape vehicle had been added although a small fleet plus lower-than-hoped-for flight rates means astronauts could not be rescued as easily by the Shuttle. The Canadian manipulator was regarded as insufficient for building and maintaining such a complex Station. Fullerton also criticized excessive EVA 'spacewalk' requirements, including a 'long and complex' assembly sequence. 'Basic structure, wire runs, and plumbing are not easily designed for replacement / repair. EVA crew time even for planned maintenance was excessive. Correction of design errors may not be possible; unplanned failures may not be fixable at all...'

McDonnell-Douglas' redesigned 'Dual Keel' crew modules of this period introduced separate 'node modules' or docking ports which also accommodated many systems that would not have fit inside the original 'Power Tower' crew modules. NASA was still planning to contribute two laboratory modules plus two habitation modules in late 1985. Gordon Fullerton and other observers felt the Station's habitable volume was too limited when the number of US modules was reduced to one lab plus one habitation module. There would be no room for a second shower, commode or 'safe haven' emergency provisions. A Boeing longer 13.3-meter module was introduced in early 1986.

"Display model of Dual Keel Space Station concept (1986); boxy rectangular truss structure with attached modules and extended solar array wings. 1:100 Scale."

The Space Station was briefly suspended by a major row in the summer of 1986 when NASA tried to reassign some habitation module responsibilities from the Johnson Space Center to the Marshall Space Flight Center. A compromise was reached in September 1986, but it was yet another indication of the Station's Byzantine management structure and turf battles between NASA centers. But Congress still approved the project's $420-million Fiscal 1987 budget while imposing a number of restriction: power levels of at least 37.5 kW, fully outfit the microgravity lab by the sixth assembly flight, attach useful science payload by the third flight, launch all US elements before the foreign modules and restrict ESA's Columbus module to life sciences. The congressional requirements would essentially have forced NASA to change the Station along the lines of a new proposal which then, surprisingly, emerged from JSC. NASA had previously testified in Congress that no Station funds were being spent on alternative design studies. Using funding earmarked for alternate assembly sequence research, the Johnson Space Center nonetheless ordered its main contractors (Rockwell and McDonnell-Douglas) to examine a smaller, more compact configuration while keeping NASA headquarters in the dark about it... This caused additional confusion about who was really in charge of the project: NASA headquarters or Johnson.

NASA's first detailed cost assessment in February 1987 revealed the 'Dual Keel' Space Station would cost at least $14.5 billion in 1984 dollars, or $21 billion in current-year dollars. This caused a political uproar in Congress, where many politicians had started to express doubt about the project. However, NASA and Reagan Administration officials reached a compromise in March 1987 which allowed the agency to proceed with a cheaper $12.2-billion Phase One Station. This design initially omitted the $3.4-billion 'Dual Keel' structure and half of the power generators. It was dubbed 'Freedom'.

Article by Marcus Lindroos"

-Information from astronautix.com: link

Date: 1984-86

NASA ID: C-1986-2694, GPN-2003-00110, C-1985-8626, C-1985-8751, S85-42963, S87-38365, 86-H-332, KSC-85C-303, GPN-2003-00110

Mike Acs's Collection: SS23 B

National Air and Space Museum: A20100236000

NM Museum of Space History: DUAL KEEL SPACE STATION-0001, DUAL KEEL SPACE STATION-0002

SDASM Archives: 14_025378

Posted on Flickr by Numbers Station: link

[xanadontit]

Oh my GOD. D and I chatted yesterday and her husband has come up with a great idea: pull their kids from day care and he will be a full-time SAHD. Yes, the same man who was blissed out on the patio while his wife wrestled with their toddler, thinks he is up to the task of caring for both children. 

Background: D and her husband both WFH full-time and are remote employees. Meaning, she’d have to drive 2+ hours to even get to her office so it’s not like she can just say “Cool, I’m outta here, be home around 5:30.” They have a four bedroom house but decided not to make any of those rooms an office or even partial office space. They have desks in the family room and sort of work from wherever in the house. Toddler and baby are at the same day care center and doing great. Yes, it’s not cheap but child care for both kids there is less than what they were paying for one child in the Bay Area. 

To my credit I didn’t burst out laughing when she told me this but I did ask “Are you kidding me?” Because here’s how I (and D) see this going: because she will technically be in the house he will expect her to participate in the child care, despite her now having the pressure of being the sole breadwinner (she makes more than he does now and her benefits provide for the entire family). “Hey, can you just change this diaper/distract Toddler/make a sandwich this one time?” But it won’t be one time. And resentment will build on both sides. 

Another thing D brought up is that if they lose his income then there will be also be a shift in budgeting - meaning all his little pricey hobbies will get moved way down the list of priorities. New mountain bikes, golf clubs, and the like will be way after anything the kids need and anything that benefits the entire family, not just him.

I asked D if his reasoning was really based on finances or if he’s not happy with the day care or something and she said “Well, I think there’s some dad guilt there, like he doesn’t spend enough time with them.” OK, cool, maybe instead of getting high in the garage before dinner and golfing all weekend he can spend time with them. The other thing is he doesn’t like his job but doesn’t know what else to do. And like OK I am the last person to say “stay put and be miserable like a REAL ADULT” but I feel like there’s still some options between “sell insurance forever” and “quit and make life harder somehow for my wife.” 

Once again, all this man has to offer is the audacity, I swear to god. 

[maxs-grimoire]

Dollar Tree witchy stuff

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This is a list of Dollar Tree witch items! These are perfect for beginner witches and witches on a budget. I’ll be listing things you can find and their uses. Please note that your Dollar Tree may not have some of these items, and that these materials may not have significance in your craft (and frankly, you don’t need them! you do not need any materials to be into witchcraft!).

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Jars

Number one is jars! There are all sorts of jars at Dollar Tree. My personal favorites are the small corked jars you can buy in the craft section. These are perfect for spells! Of course, they always have small mason jars and other containers, but I would definitley recommend the small corked jars. 

Candles

Candles are perfect to buy at Dollar Tree! I get all of my candles from them. They have candles in almost every color and size! I use candles in my daily practice, mainly for worshipping my deities. I light candles both as offerings, and to symbolize my deities presence. Many spells and rituals involve lighting candles and letting candles burn down. Dollar Tree has the best supply of prayer and glass contained candles that are great for deity worship and long term use, but they also have huge packs of tea light candles, which I would recommend for spell work.

They also have small wax melters and wax cubes that you can use for a flame free alternative to candles!

Incense

Incense! Dollar Tree has loads of Incense to choose from. A lot of these come in packages that include incense sticks and holders, so it’s perfect to get you started. They not only have specific scents, they also have blends made for certain intentions. I have one for mindfulness, but I don’t care for how it smells, so I don’t use it very often. I use incense as offerings to my gods, but also to cleanse spaces and to set an intention during meditation.

Oils

Essential oils can be found in our good pal Dollar Tree. Their properties and usage vary from type to type, but I mainly use essential oils to anoint things and to dress candles.

Herbs and other edible items

Dollar Tree has a surprising amount of herbs. Cinnamon and thyme are two basic herbs you can find at almost every Dollar Tree. Once my local Dollar Tree had bay leaves, but I haven’t seen them since then. If you’re looking for some staple and versatile herbs, Dollar Tree probably has them. Cinnamon is good for purification, protection, abundance, love magic, and boosting other properties of things in the spell with it. I use cinnamon very often in my practice.

SALT! Salt is extremely cheap but a STAPLE of my craft. I use it in almost all of my spell work because it has so many properties! I use it a lot for protection and amplifiying energies.

There are also other food items, like dark chocolate. I’ve found that chocolate is a very good offering for Hades, and that he likes it a lot. If you’re working with deities or spirits, I would recommend looking around your Dollar Tree to see if you can find any foodstuffs they might enjoy, like sweets, nuts and crackers.

Offering dishes

Offering dishes are by no means a required part of working with deities and spirits. I personally don’t have any offering dishes, but I have seen several small vases, plates, bowls, and dishes that would make good offering bowls. Offering dishes are used to show your deities where their offerings are and designate a space for their physical offerings.

 Altars

Dollar Tree has LOADS of stuff for altars. I found that they have lots of wooden crates and boxes, as well as desk organizers. These all could be used as small sacred spaces and can be devoted to a deity or spirit (or even to yourself!) and used as an altar. This is perfect for people who don’t have space to devote a large area to their craft.

They also have tons of stuff for decor. If you want to decorate your altar according to seasons/sabbats/esbats, dollar tree has loads of stuff to decorate with.

Some other things you could get for your altar is an altar cloth and some candle holders. An altar cloth is similar to an offering dish in the way that it designates a space to your practice, but it also protects the surface youre working on from damage! Any towel or table runner will do. Candle holders are self explanitory.

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[thelostbaystudio]

The Lost Bay update

Hey folks, sorry I've been away for a while, I've been busy working on The Lost Bay - First Look., and I’ve just dropped the latest update!

I think we’ve reached a milestone here!

What’s new?

1.An Area generation/exploration procedure for the Sleep Country district. You can generate 10 000 000+ different areas with just a few dice rolls!

In the last few weeks I chatted with members of the community asking how they’d want the exploration tables to be designed. Here's the feedback that I got.

Half of the folks said they’d want more lore injected in the tables, to get a better sense of the game world.

The other half asked for modular tables that allowed for maximum replayability.

With this update I think I’ve reached a nice compromise, not going too much into details here, but basically I’ve split where + who + what into separate tables. The procedure is highly reusable, and the what table entries have strong moods that help define the setting. And, you asked for it, the tables are written taking into consideration solo play.

2.A beautiful map designed by Strega Wolf van den Berg, it’s so exciting to see a physical representation of the Bay!

3.Two non-human NPCs: the Dogpack and the Spider Nest. I had fun designing those two, particularly their Moves. Moves are a simple way to give personality to the NPCs you create, and to make combat a surprising and fun experience.

4.I’ve modified combat rules and a few other mechanics, the game engine is more consistent, quicker, simpler. Small tweaks that have great effects. If you are planning to play the game I’d recommend downloading the latest version. You might not notice all the revisions, but trust me, they’ll make the gameplay experience better.

What’s coming up next?

Not 100% sure in what order, but here are the things I’m working on:

A couple more Vibes (playable character classes)

A new Reborn Vibe (post-mortem playable character class)

More NPCs

Exploration tables for the Mall Nation district

Errands prompts (solo and group adventure prompts)

Solo support (oracle, and complications table)

Better online character keeper/sheets

And the Creator Kit

Creator Kit and Third party publisher license

As I’ve mentioned a few times already, the development of the game has been influenced so much by the feedback of the community. And I know that several of you have plans about making supplements/adventures for TLB. The Creator Kit, which will probably drop with the next update, is intended to support the community and the creation of 3RD party modules. It’s a series of guidelines and toolkits to facilitate adventure design, like: take off checklist, tips, designer commentary, and modules you can use to build the next kick ass TLB thing.

Along with the release of the Creator Kit will come the Third Party Publisher license, I’ll reveal more about it in the next update. 

If you haven't done yet, grab the game! If you're on a limited budget don't worry, Community Copies are regularly available for free https://the-lost-bay.itch.io/thelostbayrpg

Have a great day/week

Iko

[streamingcolors-gvf]

Boys of Summer - Part II *Revised*

Moodboard created by @allieboop, edited with the help of @garbagevanfleet 

Pairing: Josh Kiskza x f!reader, Jake Kiszka x f!reader 

Summary: It’s the summer of 1986 and you find yourself starting your first job on your own. You were drawn to the beaches of Ocean City in search of a new start, expecting to fill the days of enjoying whatever the coastal town had to offer. You find yourself thrown into a world you couldn’t have anticipated and the memories made were sure to last a lifetime. 

Word count: 10k

A/N: This is the new edited and revised edition of this chapter. No one is obligated to reread it, but if you haven’t read it yet, I highly recommend this one over the first! 

Warnings; swearing, alcohol consumption, kissing, mentions of blood, and implied violence. 

Boys of Summer Playlist, Masterpost

The coastal air blowing through the Pinto’s open windows whipped through your hair and filled your lungs with its sweet, salty nostalgic feeling as you drove over the bridge back onto the mainland, leaving the mile-long stretch of Ocean City behind you for the rest of the evening. It served as the perfect reset for your soul after what you had endured throughout the last few hours of the day. 

Your ever-growing collection of cassette tapes piled onto your passenger seat gave a chance for you to distract yourself, and you popped in and rotated through your favorites while you made the short drive back to your new place.

It was modest given your tight budget on a waitress’s salary, but you were more than thankful you found your wonderful roommate, Cindy. You had only arrived here less than a week ago with your small hatchback bursting beyond its capacity with the majority of your belongings.

When you were away from the crowded city that was usually packed with tourists, the area around here was quite peaceful and serene. The coastal farmland that stretched with fields of corn and soybeans remained relatively quiet and untouched throughout the seasons. After driving a couple of miles inland, you turned the Pinto off the back road and onto a gravel drive leading to your house. 

The tiny bungalow you shared with her was tucked away close to the inlet shoreline, only about a quarter-mile out from the bay. The thick covering of trees created a sense of privacy but still allowed you to peek out and see the view of the water.

The very faded canary-yellow paint of the house had begun to chip away over the years, reflecting its age and wear. It had been paired with cornflower-blue shutters that framed the few windows, giving the home a certain charm that you didn’t find back in the suburbs of your hometown. You immediately fell in love the moment you laid your eyes on it as if everything had been aligned perfectly for you. 

With the help of other roommates throughout the last few years, Cindy had done a decent job at keeping up with most of the maintenance of the property. Although the stained white railing that lined the small front porch needed a thorough scrubbing, she had added her own little touch by scattering a few flower pots that contained blooming marigolds in a variety of colors. An American flag was fastened to the banister, flapping away with the warm breeze rolling off the bay.

You let out a sigh of relief when you didn’t spot Cindy’s car parked in its usual spot in the driveway, because when you cut the engine, all emotional and mental fatigue of the afternoon had found its way to your muscles, making you wince from pain as you crawled out of your car. At this point, you only wanted to shower and crawl right into bed and forget about everything that had happened. 

It was upsetting that you allowed someone to speak to you the way that Jake had, especially with everything you should have said back to him playing in your mind on repeat during your drive home. A part of you just wanted to believe that he was simply a horrible person, someone that you should never give a second thought from here on out. Yet, somewhere tucked away in your heart, you believed there was something in the way he looked at you that said otherwise. 

How could he be so different from Josh? 

Twins. Two brothers who shared the same upbringing and parents were taught the same morals, and even experienced most of the same life events. You wracked your brain for an explanation but came up empty-handed. Josh radiated positivity and energy, welcoming you with such an overwhelming friendliness, comforting you when he could have easily shrugged you off.

The sudden shift in thoughts back to Josh made your stomach flip into knots with unease. That was another thing about your day you could have never anticipated. It was your first day on the job, and you were already crushing on a coworker. 

How professional.

You doubted yourself, thinking these new feelings were simply due to him being the first person who showed you genuine kindness and respect in an unfamiliar environment. That’s what you tried to tell yourself as you metaphorically stomped the embers out before they had a chance to catch. 

While you tried to convince yourself that the fluttery feeling in your chest was nothing more than your delusions, the small piece of scrap paper with Josh’s number was beginning to burn a hole inside the small green fanny pack that was still hitched around your waist. You stood in the kitchen, replaying the interaction you had with him over and over in your mind while you poured yourself a glass of sweet tea from the fridge. 

Its mere existence would destroy any chance for you to decompress, causing your anxiousness to churn in the pit of your stomach, knowing if you blew him off tonight he wouldn’t let you hear the end of it tomorrow. If you did decide to go, you would possibly run into Jake and relive everything that went horribly wrong today, and dealing with him made you feel like a timid dog with its tail tucked shamefully between your legs. 

You dug it out of the tiny bag, carefully smoothing out the wrinkled paper with your fingertips. You mouthed the digits as you read them, smiling at the little doodle of a sun at the bottom. You placed it onto the center of the counter and stood back as if it contained some supernatural ability to suck you in. 

You weren’t sure how long you had been pacing aimlessly within the confines of the tiny kitchen when you heard the familiar crunching of a vehicle’s tires rolling over the gravel outside. You peeked out the front window to see Cindy making her way into the house with two large brown paper bags in her arms. 

“Hey!” she chimed in her usual cheerful voice while coming through the front entrance, kicking the door closed behind her with her foot. 

“Hey!” You called back, trying to match her upbeat tone with your greeting. “What’s in the bags?” You tipped your chin to gesture at the two brown paper bags as she sat them down on the avocado-green Formica countertop.

Despite her petite frame, she was able to carry in the bulky groceries with ease. She was dressed in her uniform that was similar to yours, a baby blue t-shirt with a fish printed across the front and khaki shorts. She was effortlessly pretty with her natural, sandy-blonde hair pulled up in a ponytail with one of her pink scrunchies. You were envious of how the sun had kissed her tan skin with a perfect dusting of tiny freckles across the bridge of her nose and cheeks. 

“I was driving from work and stopped by that one produce stand on the way home. I couldn’t let it go when you said you’ve never tried the sweet corn here, so I just had to get some. I swear, it’s like the yummiest thing ever. A little bit of butter, and a sprinkle of salt and you have perfection.” She rambled on while pulling out several ears of corn that were still covered in their husks. She looked over her shoulder as you made your way around the island. “Have any plans tonight?”

For a moment you considered sharing Josh’s bonfire invitation, but because you were still undecided about it, and realizing she was the kind of friend that would drag you out of the house from the idea of having a night out, you stayed tight-lipped. 

You shook your head through a yawn, “I don’t think so. I’ll probably just go to bed early. It’s been a pretty rough day.”

“Oh my god!” Cindy gasped and threw her palm over her open mouth with eyes widened in guilt. “I totally forgot it was your first day! How did it go?! What happened?”

“Honestly, it started fine for the first day. It was the usual training stuff, but one of the bartenders was really rude to me all day for some reason,” you explained, stacking the ears of corn on themselves as she pulled them out of the bag. 

Her maintained brows pulled together, causing a tiny crease to form between them when she asked, “Who?”

“I forgot you told me you know everybody around here,” you chuckled, picking at the stringy bits of corn husk that have started to litter the countertop. 

A smug grin tugged at her mouth. “That I do, but I also go to Queen’s Anchor a lot with the girls, so I probably know who you’re talking about.”

You hesitated giving up the information but the wiggling of her brows in anticipation of your answer made you finally give in, “Jake.”

She stopped pulling the fresh produce out of the bag, freezing her movements to look right at you. “Jake Kiszka?”

“That’s the one.” You shrugged, but still noted her strange reaction and the way she said his name. “You know him?”

She paused in silence for a few seconds before her dark brows in a confused expression, clearly not believing what you said. “Yeah…but he was rude to you?”

“Like, exceptionally.” You physically cringed at those encounters that were playing in your mind. A shudder rolled through you when you thought about how he reprimanded you in front of everyone. 

“That’s very weird considering he practically flirts with every woman on the planet,” Cindy snorted loudly. After emptying the paper bags, she neatly folded them up and tucked them underneath the sink cabinet.

“Oh, don’t worry. I got to see that too. In rea-time,” you scoffed, rolling your eyes to fully express the day’s frustration to her. You followed it with a deflated sigh, “I guess there’s something about me that’s incredibly off-putting.”

She reached into the cabinet for a glass, muffling the sound of her voice behind the wooden door, “Hey! You know that’s not true. It’s not your fault he’s a total idiot.” You watched as she meandered over to the fridge to retrieve an ice tray. “Maybe you can do him a favor and pull that stick out of his ass.”

“I’m sure he’d tell me I was doing it wrong,” you muttered under your breath with a heavy roll of your eyes. 

“Sounds about right,” she giggled as she walked towards you with glass in hand, but her eyes locked onto the folded piece of scrap paper laying on the counter. Picking it up, she asked, “What’s this?”

“The guy I trained with today gave me his number,” you explained, hoping it would shift the topic of conversation from Jake. “He invited me out to a bonfire tonight.”

She nearly squealed in excitement before you could finish your sentence, “You should go! It would be great for you to get out of here for the night. Summer only lasts so long, ya know.” 

She was right. Summer would pass quickly before you knew it, and the last thing you wanted was to spend it all working and staying at home. 

You considered it, tossing the idea around in your head. “Yeah, I guess. I’m not sure if I should though.”

Something in her eyes flickered when she remembered to ask for a vital piece of information. “Wait… who’s the guy you trained with?”

“Josh,” you blurted out without a second thought. 

“Kiszka?!”

You were taken aback by her sudden outburst. “Is there something wrong?”

“No! No, not at all, I mean…you should totally still go tonight…” She trailed off, picking at the polish on her nails, making it obvious she was holding something back. 

“Cindy-“ you pressed.

“It’s really nothing. Just-“  She did that same awkward pause when she heard about Jake. She brushed her fingers through her teased bangs while huffing out a sigh, “Be careful with him.“

The warning didn’t seem to match, and you thought she might have mixed him up with someone else. You played along to hear her out from your curiosity. “How come?”

She didn’t answer right away, as if searching for the right words. “Uhh… It’s just that he’s a bit of a flirt as well. I don’t want you to get your hopes up.”

You wondered what he could have done to give that impression to her, but at the same time, her saying that about Josh didn’t surprise you from how he seemed to be based on your short time spent together today. He was undoubtedly charming, and to most people, definitely flirtatious. Although he didn’t seem the type to play women, you could never be too sure. 

You quickly interjected, brushing away the thought, “No, no. I think it's just a friend thing. I don’t think he’s interested in me like that anyway.”

Her brows were still drawn together in a look of worry as she attempted to gauge your reaction, searching for anything that might be off. “Are you sure?”

“Cindy, I just met him a few hours ago.”

She shifted into her usual relaxed, cheerful demeanor - maybe to backpedal the whole exchange in fear that she might have upset you. “He is cute… I was just curious.”

“I know you’re curious. I think you know more about everyone in this town than anyone I will ever meet,” you laughed, but you were having a hard time shaking the things she said. “I’m not sure if I should even go now,” you mumbled quietly, shifting uncomfortably to stand on your feet. 

“No, you should go! I really didn’t mean to freak you out. If it's a friend thing it's not a big deal, right?” She handed the piece of paper that was sitting on the counter back to you. “Seriously, give him a call.”

You chewed on your lip anxiously. “I don’t know…“

“Give him a call or I’m going to drag you there myself.”

For over an hour, Cindy had gossiped about her job with you, falling right back into the familiar banter you have grown to enjoy through the past week of getting to know her. Yet the feeling like she was hiding something about Josh had snuck away to the corner of your mind. Sensing your apprehension about spending time with him, she insisted a few more times that everything was fine and she had overreacted.

After dealing with her persistent nagging, you eventually got the courage to make the call. You were careful with dialing the numbers as you pushed the plastic buttons, slow and precise to ensure you didn’t make a single error. Holding it up to your ear, you heard it ring and ring. By the fourth ring, someone had finally picked up. 

A raspy voice answered, “Hello?”

You hesitated for a moment, contemplating just hanging the phone up altogether. “Hey, Josh?”

“Yeah? Who’s this?” 

So he didn’t recognize you over the phone by voice alone.

“The girl you trained today.”

“Who?” He asked in a groggy voice, sounding like he had woken from a long nap. 

Great. He had already forgotten you.

Letting out a deep frustrated sigh, you gave in to using his ridiculous nickname bestowed upon you, “It’s Greenie, Josh.”

“OH! Greenie! So are you coming tonight?!” You almost had to pull the phone away from your ear from the sudden raise in the volume of his voice.

Even though you were calling him, you were still hedging your bets with everything, preparing yourself to tell him you weren’t going to make it. You were making this call as a courtesy to tell him not to hold out his plans for you, but maybe you wanted to know if he still would try to convince you to go. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea…”

“Come on! You’ll have a blast. I promise.” He was already tugging at the strings of your heart with that saccharine-sweet voice of his. He could probably convince you of anything if he really tried. 

“I don’t know. I won’t know anybody but you.” 

A breathy laugh scratched its way through the line. “You say that like it's a bad thing.”

“Josh!”

“Okay, okay. I’m just saying it will be great, and you’ll get to meet everyone too. I’ll make it worth it to you, okay?”

You chewed on your lip again, and that fluttery feeling in your stomach returned. “Okay. You promise?”

“I pinky-swear.”

“You can’t pinky-swear over the phone.”

“Just give me your fucking address, Greenie!” He laughed into the receiver.

You had successfully won you over, and you gave up your address to have him tell you he would pick you up in about an hour from now. Cindy had gotten ready to spend the evening bar-hopping with some of her girlfriends. She wished you luck as she walked out the door, demanding that you let her know how everything went when you got home. 

Knowing Josh had already seen you in your work attire, you weren’t going to bother stressing out about your looks or outfit. What you desperately needed was a hot shower and a change of clothes. It was quick, only really out of the necessity of washing off the sweat and restaurant funk from your job off your body. Knowing you’ll be by the ocean, you threw on one of your basic swimsuits and covered it with a pair of cotton shorts and a simple t-shirt. 

Looking into the bathroom mirror, you were thankful that recent sun exposure in the last few days blessed you with more of a tanned glow than usual. You only applied a thin coat of mascara to your lashes and a sweep of pink blusher across your cheeks. 

You did your best not to pace anxiously around the house in anticipation knowing you had about twenty minutes to spare - if Josh happened to be here on time. You flipped on the radio and decided to kill the extra time by cleaning up the dirty dishes that were piling up in the sink and tidying up the living space.

A white ‘77 Jeep Wrangler pulled into the drive almost thirty minutes past the original time Josh had given you over the phone. The soft top had been pulled down, leaving you with the view of him waving frantically from the driver’s seat. He added the touch of a few impatient honks to signal his arrival. 

You scrambled around to gather your things, locked up the house, and ran over to greet him as he idled behind the Pinto. In any other circumstance, you might have been annoyed at someone running as late as he had, but the way his smile beamed at you made you forget the inconvenience. 

“You’re late.” You popped the door handle and crawled into the Jeep. 

He ignored your scolding, and quipped back, “We’re on beach time, baby.” He had his aviators pulled down over his eyes, and was still dressed in a similar white t-shirt and shorts combination like he had earlier in the day, matching your choice of outfit as well. 

You settled into the seat, grumbling, “You’re so corny. I’m pretty sure only retired old people say things like that.”

He shifted into reverse, and with a hand behind your headrest, he replied in his usual soft, warm tone, “You could learn a lot from them, darling. Seems like they might have stuff figured out.”

When Josh took a left instead of a right turn- which would have led you both back into Ocean City- you asked, “We aren’t going back into the city?”

“No, Greenie, we would be arrested within five minutes if we had a bonfire on the beach there,” Josh chuckled.

“Oh, right. Where are we going then?”

“Assateague.” He looked over and asked, “Been there?”

You shook your head. “No, I don't think so.” The name seemed kind of familiar to you, but it had been years since your family had brought you to this area for vacation. 

“It’s not far from here. It's just a bit south of Ocean City. The park is normally closed off for campers but my younger brother, Sam, usually comes in clutch for us when he dates one of the lifeguards each summer.”

“That seems hella convenient for you guys.”

A grimace flashes on his face before he continues, “Usually it all works out until they figure out he’s dating another girl at the same time. Let’s just say we’ve learned to take advantage when we have it.”

Fantastic. Another Kiszka brother that was a flirt with women. 

“Why don’t you date a lifeguard?” You teased, curious and nervous about the potential answer. He only laughed again at your question, so you add, “Have you?”

This made him break his view on the road to look at you, and he flashed another one of his playful winks. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Josh calling you out made you flush hot with embarrassment, and you wondered to yourself why you had even asked in the first place. 

Would you have been jealous if he had said yes? 

You just decided to let his question linger in the air between you in an attempt to save some of your dignity. Thankfully, he didn’t let you sit in the tension for too long before blurting out with his tone more serious than you’ve heard yet, “Oh! Just giving you a head’s up. And trust me on this one. Do not, I repeat, do not go up to the horses.”

You huffed out a breath of laughter, “Horses?” 

“Yeah. There are wild ponies that live on the island, and speaking from experience-“ he paused to laugh as he shook his head while reminiscing back on a memory. “Let's just say that you do not want to be drunk and decide to pet them. It did not end very well.”

“Sounds to me like you’re a dumbass,” you giggled to yourself and let the image of him being chased by a very angry horse on the beach play in your mind. 

You look over to see that crooked smile of his. “You have no idea.”

As much as you wanted to play this game and avoid the topic, it had continued to eat away in the back of your mind. “So what happened with you and Jake today?”

“Oh...nothing really,” Josh mumbled and you witnessed his body instantly tensing up as if you just flipped an internal switch.

“Nothing?” Guilt instantly settled in your gut. You hated thinking that you started a feud between the twin brothers.

“Yeah, nothing that you need to worry about or stress over, Greenie.” When he glanced over for a second and saw your frustrated expression, he quickly reassured you, “I promise. Just try and enjoy tonight and not think about him, okay?”

You accepted his words and just nodded in response, staring out to watch the scenery as the sunset was casting over in its final moments of the day. Both of you continued the drive in the few minutes of silence with the radio's volume set just above a low hum until “Raspberry Beret” started playing on the station. Josh gasped and immediately turned the knob so the music was blasting out of the speakers.

The once tense atmosphere between the two of you quickly dissipated when Josh started to sing along, tapping the fingers of his left hand on the Jeep’s steering wheel. He would break away from watching the road to look at you, with that massive, goofy grin plastered across his face. Your giggles only fueled his antics more. He would take his hand off the shifter to wave it around in animated movements in unison with the little dancing in his seat while he sang along. He would even point to you in an attempt to get you to join him during the duet portion of the song. 

Through the fit of laughter, you asked, “You like Prince?” 

He held up his index finger, warning you, “Be careful. I’ve been known to seduce women with “When Doves Cry”.”

“So I’ve been told,” you nudged his shoulder playfully with the taunt. 

It was almost like his ear pricked up to make sure he heard you correctly. “From who? Was it Kat?”

“No. Cindy, my roommate,” you corrected him, and the things she mentioned before you left started to pop into the forefront of your mind again. You shook off the concern with a laugh and a side glance at him. “What’s this about Kat?”

“I plead the fifth, your honor,” he lifted his right hand from the shifter once more up in the air to mimic taking the oath. 

“You would,” you teased him, shaking your head in faux disapproval. 

“What did she say about me?” He asked, keeping his voice light and casual, but ultimately allowing his curiosity to peek its way through. 

“Cindy? All she told me was that I need to be careful with you because you liked to-' You caught yourself before you were about to admit the rest of Cindy’s warning to you. You didn’t want to dampen the evening by making Josh uncomfortable or implying that you were even a little interested in him. “You know what? Don’t worry about it.”

ꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥ

The sun had almost completely set on the horizon as you crossed over the bridge from the mainland onto the small island. Josh pulled the Jeep off onto a hidden dirt path that was tucked away from the main entrance to the campgrounds. It was out of reach from the public, offering the seclusion they needed. It didn’t take long for you to see the orange-red glow from the flames of the bonfire up over the sand dunes and the hum of drunken voices from the group of people already on the beach. 

After cutting the engine, Josh quickly hopped out and started towards the crowd, almost too eager to wait for you by the car. He looked back towards you with a shit-eating grin, “Come on, Greenie!”

“Josh, wait up!” You shouted after him, kicking off your shoes as soon as you hit the soft sand. His strides seemed effortless as he made his way down the dunes to greet everyone that had already arrived. You fell back behind him, holding the sandals in your hands as you closed the short distance, thankful the sand had cooled off considerably since the hot afternoon.

The initial concoction of nerves that made your stomach do nauseous flips when you got here started to slowly subside as you took in the scene around you. Music was playing on the radio from a small boombox someone had brought along. People were gathered around the roaring fire, perched up on folding beach chairs, blankets, and a collection of plastic coolers. Muffled conversations were intertwined with the dull lapping of waves hitting the surf, allowing you to set your mind at ease.

Josh made sure to introduce you to the group the best he could, sometimes getting distracted from being pulled into other conversations. It left you alone to fill in the interactions with strangers with the standard small talk. In reality, you were out of your comfort zone, and after a while of pushing through the initial awkwardness, you ended up sitting by yourself on one of the large coolers placed around the bonfire. 

You had a feeling that this exact thing would happen, but at least Jake didn’t seem to be here yet. You didn’t feel any anger at Josh for not giving you his full attention, but rather you were more frustrated with yourself at not being able to mesh right into his inner circle of friends right away. 

You spent the time alone either watching the fire in front of you or studying how the moonlight danced across the ocean waves. You even considered for a moment that you should take off from the group to walk along the shore to look for shells, waiting for when Josh was ready to take you back home.   

That’s when you spotted two young men walking along the shore holding surfboards under their arms as they approached the rest of the group. You assumed they came straight from the water, as they were still dripping seawater with a coating of wet sand sticking to their feet and legs. 

One of the guys broke off running, dropping his board at his feet to tackle an unsuspecting Josh into the sand, sending them both tumbling over into a pile of limbs. Fits of laughter were broken up with a string of curses and grunts from the both of them as they wrestled on the beach.

The other man had long, jet-black hair that started to curl as it began drying in the summer air. He was slightly taller than the first with broader shoulder muscles that flexed as he stuck the board upright into the sand. 

He greeted a few people as they approached him, either with a friendly smack on the shoulder or bumping fists together. At first, watching the simple interactions from the distance warmed your heart. It also made you ache with the reality that you were alone out here, and the realization that you’re far away from your childhood home set in more than ever. You envied the closeness they developed, even with the strangers around them. 

Even throughout childhood, you always struggled to make close bonds with people at home or even when you were older in college. It seemed to come second nature to the people here. It could have been due to working together through the summer seasons here, or maybe building friendships just came more naturally to them. Even with new scenery in your life now, you still felt like the odd one benched on the sidelines looking in.

“Jake’s new girl?” The male voice pulled you from the mental fog of your daydreaming. Your eyes refocused on the man with the dark curly hair that had come in from surfing in the ocean. 

It took you a moment for your brain to catch up to his question. He had given you a friendly, warm smile while your brain took a few seconds to process what he had said while he started drying off with a towel. 

You caught a glimpse of Jake walking past with a blonde woman he flirted with hours beforehand at the restaurant. She had her arm wrapped around his waist, giggling away at something he must’ve said. He has dressed in a pair of light-wash worn denim jeans rolled up at the ankle, paired with another button-up shirt that was mostly opened to reveal his chest. His long hair wasn’t pulled back in the loose bun he had sported at work earlier, but instead, it was worn down with a pair of black Ray-Ban’s sitting on the top of his head. 

“Oh god, no.” you scoffed loudly, shaking your head so violently at the idea that his smile shifted into a confused look, but for only a second before it returned to a friendly expression.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to assume.” He lifted his hands in defense. “It’s just that usually when there is a new face around here, it's because of him,” he explained while draping the damp towel over the back of one of the beach chairs behind him.

“That’s funny because I don’t think he could hate me any more than he does,” you mumbled to yourself, trying hard not to wince while you replayed the harsh words Jake said to you earlier in the day. 

“I don’t think I believe that.” He brushed you off with a lazy wave, but when you gave him a pained expression, he added, “But if that’s true, he’s missing out because I really can’t imagine how anyone could hate you.” 

“Maybe you should ask him.” You pointed a finger behind him, gesturing to Jake introducing the woman he had brought around the group.

“Hmm.” He clicked his tongue without even glancing over his shoulder. “I’d rather not. I’m enjoying talking to you way more,” he hummed softly while popping the plastic lid to dig around the cooler, grabbing two bottles from the melting ice. He offered one of them to you. “Can’t buy you a drink, so this is the best I can do for now.”

“Thanks!” You smiled at the offer and reached out to grab the beer, but he quickly pulled it back. 

“Hold up.” He leaned over and popped the metal cap on the lid of the cooler with a smack of his palm. He handed the beer back to you, looking around to find the man who brought you here. “So you’re not with Jake, but what about Josh?” 

“No, no. It’s not like that!” You insisted in a voice louder than you expected, protesting the idea for a second time tonight.

Did it really appear to people that this was a date?

“You sure?” He tipped his chin in the direction behind you, making you turn your head around. It was clear he was hinting at Josh, who was looking at you while immersed in a conversation with someone beside him. He smiled when you made eye contact before turning away to respond to the person. 

You spun back to the man that offered you the beer. “Maybe he just has a staring problem.”

He flashed you a smile that edged the line of just being friendly. “I don’t blame him.”

“So do you flirt with every girl as soon as you meet them?” You teased, letting a smile form as you brought the lip of the glass bottle to your lips. He took the chance and decided to sit next to you on the cooler close enough that your knees were barely touching. 

“No, just the pretty ones,” he whispered while leaning in, closing the already short distance to only a few inches between you. His smoky-brown eyes, framed with long, dark lashes, looked right into yours. His blatant interest in you should have scared you off running in the other direction, but there was something so calming and inviting about him. The brief, intimate moment you were sharing was quickly interrupted when someone cut in.

“I see you’ve met Daniel.” 

You both looked up to see the same man who had tackled Josh, standing before you while he tried to catch his breath from the exertion of fighting around in the sand. Now that you got to see him up close, you noted how young he looked with the features of his face holding onto their boyish youthfulness. He extended out an open hand, one that was covered in gritty sand, and introduced himself, “Hey, I’m Sam, the youngest and clearly the most handsome and undeniably charming Kiszka brother.” 

Daniel cleared his throat and rolled his eyes, “Thanks, Sam.“ His expression returned to a much softer one meant for you. “And just Danny is fine.”

You offered your name and nodded in response, taking Sam’s hand in your own for a loose handshake. Brushing the sand off your fingers and on your leg, you asked, “You’re Josh and Jake’s brother?”

“I am! How long have you known them for?” He reached and pulled out the towel Danny had used and started drying off his hair which was now tangled and caked in sand. 

“Just met them today, actually. I started-“

“Hey, Daniel. Can you help me with this cooler?” Jake’s voice cut through the air unexpectedly, interrupting another one of your thoughts - something he seemed to be an expert at. His tone and body language were direct and stiff, coming across as almost upset about something Danny might have done. 

“Sure, man.” Danny glanced back at you, revealing another confused look on his face before letting a heavy sigh escape his chest as he stood up to his feet again. Jake waited for him with arms crossed over his chest while standing across the other side of the bonfire and made sure to avoid looking at you the entire time. Danny gave you a reassuring smile.“I’ll be right back.”

In his friend’s short absence, Sam filled you in on some details of the relationship between him and his older brothers. You were tempted to pry further, but he didn’t get the chance to get far in conversation before a girl came running up from behind and pulled him into a tight, intimate hug. Based on what Josh had told you earlier, and the recognizable red bathing suit peeking out from underneath her clothes, you assumed she was one of the lifeguards that would find himself involved with. 

As they stayed locked in their embrace while exchanging kisses and affectionate touches with each other, you averted your eyes only to see Jake and Danny walking back over the dunes with another large cooler. After dropping the heavy container in the sand, Jake made his way back over to sit next to the woman he brought along. Danny grabbed another ice-cold beer and started to join in the drunken chatter with the others. You couldn’t hide the soured expression on your face when it seemed like he was now ignoring you. He hadn’t even bothered to look at you once since he came back to the group with Jake. 

What did Jake say to him? 

You swallowed back the negative feeling aching in your chest, convincing yourself that the drastic change in his demeanor was nothing to be concerned about. You knew that you could be in your head about these things as overthinking tended to be one of your bad habits throughout your life. You shook off any intrusive thoughts, summing it up to him catching up with buddies and he had only given you a friendly introduction before.

 Throughout different points in the night, Josh dropped in to check on you when he could break away from the others, usually with another beer in his hand reserved just for you. Through your quiet observations, you quickly learned that many people within the group knew each other through working in the many restaurants that lined the beachfront area. It was a small community and coming here together after working their shifts like this was their sacred ritual.

 It would take a little more time spent together to feel genuinely included in the tight-knit group, but you could tell that they truly welcomed you with open arms. You still held out for Danny to come around again, especially after having an exchange that you would consider an interest in you, but he never made his way back over to talk to you again.

Thankfully, the rest of the night progressed smoothly without any other confrontations or issues, and you made an effort to stay clear out of Jake’s path. Much to your luck, he had been too preoccupied with the blonde under his arm to even really notice your presence, and he didn’t make a point to acknowledge you in any way. It was only when you were close enough within earshot, that you learned that her name was Jenny and that she was only visiting for the week on vacation. 

From a first impression standpoint, she seemed decently friendly from what you could tell given that you were never properly introduced to each other. She was young and flirty, vibrant with bubbly energy, and perhaps even a bit naive to everything around her. There was a fiery determination in her to have as much fun as possible, living freely through life without responsibilities, and she clung onto Jake as if the experience depended on it. You could have been envious of it, letting yourself wonder if she thought Jake would call her when she finally went back home after her vacation had ended. In hindsight, it might have been a conniving thought, but you smiled to yourself whenever she commented “you would love this” about her life back home when talking to him. His responses usually consisted of a single nod or hum at the sentiment, letting her carry on with her rambling as the hours passed by.

As the beers continued to flow through into the late hours of the evening, the once high level of energy started to shift as drunken conversations slowly dragged on. 

“Is this all you guys do out here?” You asked no one in particular, but it was Josh, who was laying out on a beach blanket looking up at the night sky, that answered your question.

“What do you mean?” He asked with a rasp to his voice that stitched seamlessly into the crackling embers of the bonfire. 

“I just figured there’d be like a party game or something,” you huffed out after finishing the last sip of warm beer from a bottle that had its label picked off completely out of boredom. 

“What, like ‘Truth or Dare’?” He chuckled as he started to prop up himself on his elbows, giving you a better view of his face. The image of him in the flickering light from the fire casting over his tanned skin, making the apples of his cheeks glow in the orange flame, almost made you lose your thought completely. 

“I was thinking of a game more like beer pong-“

“Did someone say ‘Truth or Dare’?!” Sam shouted over everyone else, scrambling to his feet with beaming excitement when he caught wind of the idea. You weren’t sure how much he had to drink but it was becoming obvious that the amount was starting to catch up to him. His unbridled enthusiasm was unfortunately only met with a few groans and verbal protests to the idea.

“Sam, what are we? Ten years old?” Jake mocked with bitter distaste and judgment, finally adding input to the group’s conversation for the first time this evening. 

“Shut up, Jake. You are never any fun,” Sam snapped, letting the last few words slur together while waving a hand to dismiss his older brother’s judgmental remarks.

With everyone eventually giving in, Sam started the game off by going around the group, and nearly everyone chose the option “truth” which put a significant lull in the excitement that Sam was biting for. One of the guys who was feeling brave chose the other option and was dared by the others to strip naked and run nude into the freezing, cold ocean. The moment of cheers and clapping was only followed by another round of “truths”, causing Sam to feel incredibly impatient.

When you followed around the circle listening to people spill their secrets, your eyes fell on Jenny sitting across Jake’s lap while they snuggled together on the beach chair. They were both unbothered without a shred of concern with the game the majority of you got roped into playing. 

He was busy trailing his fingers across her tanned skin, studying her reaction with each languid stroke of his hand up and down her arm. He let them slip effortlessly under the tiny strap of her swimsuit that rested on her shoulder in an attempt to grab her undivided attention. You watched as they stared into each other's eyes. She giggled when he tugged playfully at the thin strap, and the gasp that was just barely above a whisper leaving her lips when he released it to snap against her. He tipped the bridge of his nose into the crook of her neck while tracing his fingertips across the area right above the hem of her top, dancing teasingly along the exposed, bare skin. 

You knew it was something you shouldn’t stare at, but you just weren’t able to avert your eyes even if you tried. You just weren’t sure why the sight of them like this elicited these uncomfortable feelings inside you. 

Was it Jealousy? Disgust? Were you just upset that he didn’t reveal the sensitive side that he was showing her? Or was it because you wanted to be her? 

The latter made you physically shudder and you scrambled to bury the thought as quickly as it entered your mind. 

It was when he broke away and looked directly at you - with the darkness of his pupils boring deeply into yours - and tilted his head and bit into the soft skin of her jawline below her ear that made you realize he wanted you to see this. You just couldn’t comprehend the reason behind all of it. She let out a whiny moan, quiet enough so no one else could hear her if they weren’t paying attention. You froze, and threw your eyes to the sand knowing that you were caught red-handed. 

“Come on, guys! Someone needs to pick ‘Dare’ already!” Sam’s pleas were the thing to save you from having to watch the scene before you any longer. He made eye-contact and shouted your name while pointing an index finger towards you.

You aggressively shook your head, bringing up your hands in protest. “I don't think so. I’m probably going to sit this one out, guys.”

“Please! It will be fun!” He clasped his hands together at his chest in his act of shameless begging.

With everyone’s eyes honed in on you, and with his pleading eyes, you eventually gave in. “Okay, Sam. Just one.” He cheered in victory with winning you over, and pondered for way longer than he should have for a dare to your turn in the game. 

“I think she should kiss Josh.” Kat’s taunting voice cut through the silence, and she darted her eyes back and forth between you and Josh to gauge your reaction. 

You hadn’t spoken a word to her since you arrived, mostly due to the fact it was obvious that she wasn’t a fan of yours. Her suggestion was laced with the same disapproval and judgment towards you earlier that day when you first met. It was also clear, like it was written upping her forehead that this was not said with the best of intentions as she pulled her lips into a devilish, cocky grin. 

“No, no. Greenie, you don't have to listen to them. Seriously.” Josh insisted as he suddenly brought himself to a sitting position on the blanket spread out across the sand. 

Sam whooped and hollered, drowning out Josh’s voice entirely. “She totally should! This is great!” His glazed eyes found you. “Greenie, I dare you,” he teased, using Josh’s nickname through his slurred speech. 

“Greenie-“ Josh tried to interject one more time with his brows pulled up in concern. 

“No, it’s fine,” you insisted through a weak smile, not entirely sure what motivated the decision you were about to make. This was all meant to be an embarrassment for you, but you didn’t want to give anyone, especially Kat, the satisfaction of bailing out. 

Any inhibitions you could have had were pushed right off to the side as you stumbled from your sitting position on the cooler to close the distance between Josh and yourself. Your clumsiness did not fail to show its face when you suddenly caught your foot over something piled in the sand in front of him. You tumbled and fell forward faster than you had anticipated and instinctively reached out to brace yourself on his shoulders.

Thankfully, he was able to catch you in his open arms and steadied your body over his. Feeling more bold in your slightly drunken state - and without another second of hesitation, you smashed your lips harshly against his. Thinking back, it probably should have been a chaste, friendly kiss, because you must have surprised him with how he instantly froze underneath you. His hands stayed wrapped around your upper arms from when you fell into him. 

Josh pulled back slightly leaving only enough space to smile against your lips and let a soft giggle bounce in his throat. He slowly trailed his open hands up your arms, over the tops of your bare shoulders to finally wrap around the back of your neck. He guided you back into the kiss, making you melt effortlessly into him as his lips brushed gently across yours. Every movement he made was feather-light and almost calculated with a calm steadiness to test these uncharted waters with you. 

If it wasn’t for every single one of your senses being completely focused solely on Josh, you might have noticed that everyone was sitting around the both of you in silence, if not total shock. They had only expected a quick, maybe even slightly awkward peck between the two of you. If you were to look back on the experience, you might admit that you probably had forgotten their existence altogether.

You were simply too immersed in how his slender fingers weaved delicately through your hair to pull you into him tighter than before. With your own hands placed firmly on his chest, you started to feel his breathing shake with each ragged exhale of his lungs under your palms. He must have been sharing the same amount of bravery when he flicked his tongue across your lip in an act of asking permission. You were quick to grant it to him, opening your mouth slightly with the invitation. 

It had been too long since you had shared anything remotely similar to this with anyone, and you wished you could live in this moment forever. He let out a desperate moan into you as soon as your tongue danced across his. You melted into it, finding everything about Josh to be warm and addicting. It enveloped you in every sense, from how he tasted to how his skin felt on your face as he brushed his thumbs across your flushed cheeks. It was delicate with a subtle sweetness, yet still containing the burning desire that made your heart flutter wildly in your chest.

You should have been embarrassed by how you straddled yourself on his lap while you dragged your hands up the length of his neck and through his hair. Maybe you should have been ashamed of your hungry desire when you instinctively tugged the loose curls through your fingers and pulled them from his scalp. The simple action had caused him to groan and nip at your bottom lip in response. The sharp sensation was enough to elicit a hiss through your teeth and make you pull away from him for the first time.

The break in contact gave you both the chance to catch your breath, and also allowed everyone else to finally react with them erupting in a mix of cheers and whistling that would make anyone blush a beet red hue.  

The way Josh looked over you, combined with alcohol flowing through your system, made you giggle from the unexpected predicament you were now both in. He ignored everyone around you and let his half-lidded eyes drift slowly down the features of your face while he swept his thumb across your kiss-swollen bottom lip. He let his tongue peek out to wet his own lips as if he was reliving the memory of how you felt, or maybe the action was just out of wanting a little bit more of you. 

He leaned forward so his lips brushed ever-so-slightly across the shell of your ear and whispered in a panting breath, “You’re pretty good at that.” 

The intoxicating warmth of his breath fanning across your skin made a shudder roll through the length of your back. Despite the warm summer air and heat rolling off the bonfire next to you, goosebumps instantly formed on the surface of your skin. You leaned into it for a desperate chase for more. Before letting it all come to an end, he gave a final playful nip to your earlobe and leaned back on the blanket under him. 

The commotion going on behind you catapulted you back into the reality of what just happened between you. You had made out with Josh for the first time within twenty-four hours of meeting him in front of everyone - in front of a group of people that you barely even knew. Hell, you couldn’t remember most of their names if you’d tried. You weren’t even entirely sure if you liked each other more than being friends.

The flood of overwhelming thoughts and feelings circling around in your clouded mind were nearly enough to ruin everything if it wasn’t for how Josh smiled at you. Everything about it was perfect, somehow easing the nerves and convincing you that everything was okay, but also leaving you with uncertainty of your situation. 

Before you really had the chance to process any of it, your eyes flicked from his face and locked onto the silhouettes of two people standing off in the distance. After taking a second to focus your eyesight, you realized it was two men standing near the entrance of the dunes. 

“Josh, who are those guys?” His expression dropped the second he heard the new panicked tone in your voice. You signaled with your eyes to look behind him, making him turn immediately. 

It seemed like every muscle in his body tensed all at once when he saw them. You watched a heavy swallow bob low in his throat as you sat trapped in silence together until he scrambled to his feet. “Uh…hold on.” 

“Are they cops?” You asked in a meek voice that let your anxiety and fear break through. You remembered that Josh implied during the drive that all of you really shouldn’t even be on this beach, and that being arrested for trespassing - something that was not on your summer checklist - was a very real possibility. 

“No, no. I’ll take care of it. Just stay here, okay?”  He shook his head, darting his eyes back and forth between you and the men off in the distance. The hint of stress now coating his voice did little to reassure you. You reached to grab his hand to stop him from leaving, but he patted your shoulder instead. 

You looked around for anyone else to butt in, eventually locking eyes with Sam, but he only shrugged lazily in response. The only one that seemed to share any amount of concern with you was Jake.

He was also looking in the direction of the strange men, albeit still choosing to ignore you altogether. You followed his focus, and continued to watch in the distance as Josh caught up to them. He stood there for a few seconds and had the two men follow him back where the cars were parked, disappearing out of your line of sight.

You sat on the blanket for what was probably close to a half an hour, waiting for Josh to return to you. You were undeniably restless as you stared at the spot where Josh left, and if you had picked up the habit of nail biting in your past, they would have been chewed down to raw nubs at this point. 

Everyone had shuffled along in an unbothered state as they started to pack up their belongings, working their way back to the lot with their coolers and chairs. Jake and Jenny were nowhere to be seen as they broke off from the group minutes beforehand. 

You had concerns that Josh could have left you there stranded without a ride home. You didn’t think he would do it intentionally, but the obvious change in body language when he saw those men made the worry brew inside you.

Having had enough of waiting around, you grabbed your shoes and headed your way back towards the Jeep, praying under your breath that it was still sitting where Josh had left it. The surface of the beach felt quicksand with how your knees wobbled and ached with each exhausted step. When you were nearly off the beach, you were cursed with the sight of Jake and Jenny entangled together once again. This time however, Jake had ditched any subtlety, no longer teasing the idea to you. 

He had her propped up with her back against the wooden stall of the shower that was used to hose off sand from the beach. One of his legs was slotted between hers, and you wanted to ignore how she grinded her hips against the top of her thigh. His hand was tugging the hair at the nape of her neck with the other grabbing her chin to pull her lips to his. She had hitched her knee around his waist with her arms locked around his shoulders. You grimaced as you saw his tongue slipping into her mouth, an action that had abandoned any sense of propriety.

The mess of hungry, sensual moans and desperate grabbing of hands that made you so sick to your stomach you could have vomited. Not wanting to witness another second, you shielded your face and walked by as quickly as you could hoping that they didn’t notice you. You were not willing to give him the pleasure of knowing how much it was affecting you.

You padded across the pavement, and a feeling of relief washed over you when you spotted the white Jeep parked in the same spot. When you approached the passenger side door you almost jumped out of your skin seeing Josh already sitting in the driver’s seat alone in the dark.

“Where have you been?!” You scolded, driving the frustration in your tone. 

“Oh fuck!” You had startled him as well, making him flinch dramatically from the sound of your voice. “I’m sorry, Greenie. I didn’t mean to-“

When he turned to look at you, he swept his thumb and finger across his nose to wipe a wet streak of red that appeared to be blood from his face. “Oh my god! Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. Just get nosebleeds sometimes,” he sniffled and wiped the drips of blood from his nose with the back of his hand and onto his shorts. It was so dark out that you couldn't really make out any of the details of his face, but you swore you saw his left cheek starting to swell.

“Josh…” You reached your hand out towards him, but for the first time he recoiled from the action. 

“Greenie, it's nothing. I promise.” He shifted his body away from yours so he was looking away out the driver’s side to hide the injuries on his face. 

“Was it those guys?” You kept your voice low and gentle, yet still direct. The thought of them hurting him made your heart drop from your chest, but you didn’t buy the random nosebleed excuse either. 

“I said it was nothing, okay?!” He shouted with his fists clenched against his legs, making you jump back in your seat. This was the first time he raised his voice or showed any anger towards you. Stunned, you could only sit in silence and stare at your nervous hands. 

His shoulders slumped in shame and guilt as he let out a frustrated sigh, “Hey, I’m sorry-“

“Josh, it’s fine. Just take me home.” It was the only thing you could mutter out without tears starting to well in your eyes. 

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[nothingunrealistic]

a couple days ago i remembered akd’s instagram post about starting a new project in san francisco in the role of “cass” and thought to look around online for anything relevant. this casting call, from tina d’elia, came up first:

IMMEDIATE CASTING CALL! SAG Modified Feature Film Low-Budget “Outerlands” Supporting Role: Emile, 30's-40's, any race/ethnicity Daily $420; Weekly/$1,459 (+10% if applicable) Dates: Role works 5 days. Must have availability between 4/7-4/16 to submit. Location: San Francisco, CA  Actors submitting for the role of Emile: We are seeking: Gay/Bi/Queer male identified talent. Project Synopsis: Starring Asia Kate Dillon (Orange Is The New Black/Billions). When CASS (28, they/them) is asked by an alluring woman they've hooked up with to watch her 11-year-old daughter while she goes out of town, Cass is eager to impress their new crush. But when the woman disappears leaving Cass as a caretaker, Cass is forced to confront the truth of their own tumultuous childhood and the pain they've been running from. EMILE: In his 30s. A server at the upscale San Francisco restaurant where CASS works, Emile is 'out', proud, and always enjoys a good time with his queer family. He’s made it his mission to break through CASS’ walls and bring them into the fold, but he pulls no punches when it comes to what he expects from a friendship. TO AUDITION FOR: please email me: tinadeliasf@gmail.com and request sides to self-tape. Please include your headshot/resume/and reel if you have one. Self-tapes due Saturday March 9th 5:00pm Callbacks: Monday March 11th in-person, San Francisco, CA (must be available)   PLEASE EMAIL:  tinadeliasf@gmail.com Nina Henninger Casting & Diversity Casting

so we have a project name, a plot outline, a few characters, and a casting company. looking for outerlands and nina henninger brought up another casting call posted by nina henninger casting and livia wolfe in only slightly different forms:

IMMEDIATE CASTING CALL! LOOKING FOR: TRANSGENDER FEMALE PERFORMERS OF VARIOUS ETHNICITIES. 35 - 50 YRS. IN THE S.F. BAY AREA. AUDITION FOR UPCOMING FEATURE FILM "OUTERLANDS" Starring Asia Kate Dillon! PLEASE CONTACT: NINA HENNINGER CASTING DIVERSITY CASTING realitycasting23@gmail.com Include your contact info and a photo of yourself. PLEASE CONTACT BEFORE FEBRUARY 7TH, 2024.

and a more general search for outerlands found this casting call from estrin bergstein casting:

FEATURE FILM CASTING NOTICE Seeking: 10-12 year old biracial girl for the independent feature OUTERLANDS [LANI] Female-identified 10-12 years old, biracial. With a mother who loves her fiercely but is unreliable. Lani is used to a life of unpredictability and has learned to fend for herself. Beneath her sassy and independent exterior, Lani longs for the warmth and stability her mom can't provide. She's really into video games. [LEAD] Shooting in the San Francisco Area in July/ August 2023

obviously that filming didn’t happen, thanks to the actors’ strike.