What they don´t know, will hurt them
Summary: Dean Winchesters attempts suicide on a dirty motel bathtub, ending brain dead on a hospital. A trickster promises John and Sam that he will save him for “free”, as long as they both get through watching a series of Dean´s memories, good and bad. The twist is that they will feel everything Dean did at the time and they can stop it at any time, but then Dean will die. They both accept thinking it cant be that bad. Spoiler: it is worse.
Chapter 39
There is a moment between memories when John is finally able to breath, before he starts chocking with the knowledge that things will only go downhill from here. A moment when the red glowing button in the wall starts to appear appealing once more. A moment when his mind berates him for having choosing knowledge instead of Dean´s death. And then the moment is gone, and he starts chocking once more. He knows he deserves to be burden with the knowledge of what his actions cause and he also knows that Dean doesn’t deserve to die because his family give up. Still, he sides eyes the button once more, before bracing himself for what is next.
The next scene starts with the boys arriving at a motel room and Dean making quick excuses to go to the bathroom. “Sam” lets his brother go without much fanfare, quickly engross in his laptop, never noticing the way that his brother´s hand seem to be holding his ribs. The Sam watching doesn’t have the same problem as he feels the dull pain in Dean´s ribs that increases with every step that the older hunter takes. As Dean finally closes the door of the washroom and takes his shirt off, his brother and father can’t help but let out a small scream as the pain explodes in his (their) ribs, and John will eat his shirt if his son doesn’t have at least a broken rib. But Dean doesn’t seem bother by it or by the bruise that it is already appearing on his left side, as he takes a quick shower almost in autopilot. There is no much to be said either as Dean quickly dries himself and bandages his aching ribs and there are no words to be said when Dean exits the bathroom and “Sam” doesn’t even asks about the white bandage. There is nothing to be said truly, the actions speak for themselves
There was a time when Sam thought he knew his brother, when he thought that there was no secret that Dean could hide from him, there was a time when Sam thought himself better than Dean. That time is long gone, and now there are only regrets left. Regrets like never checking if his brother was okay after a hunt. Regrets like always trusting Dean when he said he was fine. Regrets like never putting his brother first. Regrets that at the end of the day amount to nothing, because he didn’t regret it until it was already too late.
The Winchesters can hear ringing and muffled voices before the screen lights up again, showing “Sam” speaking on the phone with their father. Dean tries to question his brother about what his father is saying, but “Sam” ignores him and continues talking to “John”, their discussion getting more heated as “John” tries to rely case details to his son, which the youngest hunter ignores as he tries once more to get a location out of his father before Dean finally manages to get the phone
-Dad? Where are you?- Dean asks, relief in his voice
-Stop asking me that and write down what I am going to tell you, Dean, it is important- “John” says on the phone clearly frustrated
-Yes, sir- Dean responds, whole posture changing in a way that neither Sam or John are happy about- Yes, I have a pen. What were the names?- Dean asks, expression blank before the screen cuts to black
And John thinks that he is finally getting a clue, about the difference of how he treats his sons, afterall didn’t he gave a whole explanation to Sam? And what did Dean get? A few short sentences that had to do with the case instead of himself.
The next scene starts this time showing the boys inside the Impala discussing the case their father sent them on. There is tension in the air, as Dean tries to engage his brother in the conversation, with “Sam” clutching the wheel of the car with almost white knuckles, stopping the car as Dean sings one too many praises to their father.
-We are not going to Indiana- “Sam” says in a matter of fact voice, that makes the Sam watching angry- We are going to California. Dad call from California with a Sacramento area code.
-Sam- Dean starts saying only to get interrupted
-Dean, of this demon killed mom and Jess, and dad is closing in, we gotta be there.
-Dad doesn’t want us there- Dean says trying to sound calm, but the disappointment filling the room betrays his own feelings- He has given us an order- he exclaims
- I don’t care- “Sam” scowls- We don’t always have to do what the man says
-Sam, dad is asking us to work jobs, to save lives. Its important. Two people are going to die if we don’t help. Look I know how you feel…
-Do you?- “Sam” interrupts with a mocking face- How old were you when mom died? Four? Jess died six months ago. How the hell would you know how I feel?- he sarcastically says, not caring about the hurt that appears deeper on Dean´s face the more he talks, the Sam watching doesn’t have the same problem, especially when he feels how each word is like a stab to Dean´s heart- I don’t understand the blind faith you have in the man, it is like you don’t even question him
-Yes, it is called being a good son- Dean finally yells
“Sam” doesn’t answer and instead gets out of the car, with Dean chasing after him
-You are a selfish bastard- he says, being perhaps the only time that Sam remembers of his brother standing up to him- You just do whatever you want, don’t care what anybody thinks- and perhaps he deserves it, but hearing those words again, feel worse than the first time
-Well, then this selfish bastard is going to California- “Sam” says before starting to walk in the middle of the abandoned road
-You are not serious. It is the middle of the night- Dean exclaims, anger giving way to worry. “Sam” continues to walk ignoring him, making some of the anger return as Dean yells- I will leave your ass here, you hear me?
-That is what I want you to do- “Sam” says mockingly, before Dean gets in the Impala and drives away.
Selfish bastard was about right, Sam thinks, as he sees the events of that night playing from Dean´s perspective. He would like to say he didn’t mean the words that anger Dean, but he would be lying, what is worse is that he knew he was hitting below the belt and did it anyway. Sam feels like the worse scum in the planet at seeing Dean´s devastated look, that is made worse when Sam recalls all the things his brother had to give up for him. Things that Sam had felt entitled his whole life, including the two or three sentences their dad gave him as an explanation, which are two sentences more than what Dean got.
John wants to scream once more at Sam´s insensitivity, but he bits his tongue knowing that it would not get him anywhere. Besides, with what authority can he scold his son when he did the same thing? It is funny how seeing things from an outsider point can put thing into perspective. He always prided himself on threating his sons as equals until he started to watch Dean´s memories, it was then that he realized that he had been harsher on Dean, even if he was the one that was always there or maybe perhaps because of that. He treated his son like an unwanted stray dog with the confidence that he would keep returning for the few scraps of affection, until one day he didn’t.
The scene keeps going with Dean continuing to drive, each mile making his anger dissipate until he finally stops the car in yet another deserted road, and that is when the worry and despair sets in. The Winchesters were prepared for a lot of things but the full on panic attack that follows take them by surprise
-What have I done?- Dean says to the empty car as he sheds his jacket, taking deep breaths with troubled breathing- Stupid, stupid, stupid- he yells as he hits the dashboard in front of him- Why did I called Sam that? Why did I leave him? Oh no, dad is going to be so mad at me…- he exclaims and John wants to reassure Dean that he is not mad at him even if he knows Dean cant hear him- What if something happens to Sam?- he says hyperventilating- What a stupid fuck up leaves his brother at the edge of the road? Stupid, stupid, stupid- he yells hitting the dash once more.
And if they weren’t prepared for the panic attack, the Winchesters hearts almost stop when Dean reaches quickly to his duffel bag and pulls out a loaded gun, putting in below his chin, finger in the trigger. There is a moment when the Winchesters fear for the worse as despair settles in before they here a phone ring, that manages to get Dean (and his family) out of the trance.
-Sam?- Dean asks, voice shaky
-No, you idjit, I am the bastard whose phone calls you have been ignoring- an annoyed voice tells him
-Hi, Bobby- Dean answers, heart pounding in his ears but finally lowering the gun down with shaky hands
-Hi, Bobby?, Hi?- Bobby scoffs- Kid doesn’t speak to you for months and the only thing you can say is hi. Boy, I have a half mind to go search for you just to swat your head in place. If it wasn’t for your friends keeping me posted on you, I would have done it already- he says finally winding down
-Didn’t know you keep yourselves in contact- Dean exclaims still out off breath
-Of course we do- Bobby says- Me, Rhonda, Alana, that weird kid that is Alana adjacent, sometimes Caleb, when the fool picks up the phone.
-Why?- Dean asks bewildered, and something breaks inside his family at hearing Dean´s disbelief that someone would care about him
-Because we care, you idjit- Bobby answers as if it was the most logical thing in the word
-Never change, Bobby- Dean says, before changing the subject, with his heart finally slowing down- Was there a reason for your call?- he asks
-Besides checking up on you?- Bobby tells him- Not really. Alana called a few days ago to asked if I had heard from you and I thought if the mule doesn’t go to the river to drink…
-You are hilarious- Dean deadpans- I am okay-ish I guess. Sam and I got into another fight again and he left, but what is new?
-Your brother is an idjit- Bobby retorts- Your daddy?
-Making us run around like headless chicken- Dean snorts- Sam actually thinks that he will find him, because he was able to figure out the code area from where he called, as if dad was that stupid to be there waiting for us
-He aint a genius, either. And no, I am not clarifying who I am talking about- Bobby claims- And you?
-Working a case solo, I guess- Dean shrugs
-Well, you give me a call if you need help- the older hunter offers
-Thanks, Bobby
-I mean it- he tells him- If I get a call to identify your remains, I will find a way to bring you back, only to strangle you myself, clear?
-Goodbye, Bobby- Dean says before disconnecting the call with a small smile on his face.
John´s heart beats fast against his rib-cage, seeing the series of events happening on the screen. His mind is almost unable to process all that happened in front of him. Dean was seconds away of blowing his brain out, hell if it wasn’t for Bobby´s call, he would have, and then what would have happened? A tiny part of his brain blames Sam, couldn’t he see what he was doing to his brother? But he knows the one to blame is himself. God, he was so stupid, he never even once thought to check on Dean, he only ever called when he needed anything. Is it any wonder that Dean was shocked at Bobby for caring about him, is it any wonder they are here now?
Sam feels sick watching the screen. Here is one more example of one of his escapes for “freedom” going terribly wrong. To know that he could have returned to Dean, only to find him with a bullet on his brain is enough to make him nauseous. Hearing Dean´s lack of self-worth doesn’t make things better. His brother is seriously surprised at finding that someone cared about him, just for the sake of caring. How did they let things get to that point?
The screen doesn’t let them dwell for more times and begins once more, this time showing Dean arriving to Burkittsville, Indiana (the town of the case). The young hunter takes his phone out and his fingers dance over Sam´s contact before closing the cell and getting out of the car. Dean tries to fish some information around town about last year´s missing couple, pretending to be a concerned friend, however every one he talks to either brush him off or are downright rude, which makes Dean´s hunting instincts going high wire. It is not until he arrives to a convenience store, that he gets some answers in the form of Emily, a “local” girl that tells him she remembers having seen the two newlyweds and only after some prodding the shop owner admits to remember having seen them but claims they only stop long enough to get gas and ask for directions. Dean inquires about the direction they went and the guy happily point him to it.
Dean follows the guy´s instructions, but perhaps half-way to the interstate, the EMF reader on his back starts going crazy. Dean parks the car and gets down to investigate what appears to be an abandoned orchard, only to come face to face with a creepy looking scarecrow, upon further investigation, Dean finds the scarecrow has a piece of skin with the tattoo of the last victim on it, which causes all alarms to go off inside Dean´s brain.
The hunter drives back to the gas station to get more info. There he chats with Emily, and after some questioning, the girl tells him she was taken in by her aunt and uncle when she was 13, she claims the town is really lucky, because, even though the surrounded towns and farms have been affected by disasters, theirs have been relatively unscathed, almost as if it had been blessed. John wants to marvel about the little time that it takes Dean to connect the dots after that particular sentences and Sam once more gets marveled by his brother´s sharped senses. A wave on uneasiness fills the room, as Dean inquires about a car, only for Emily to tell her the it belongs to a tourist couple.
Dean rushes all the way down to a diner and tries to engage with the young couple trying to dissuade them to make the trek down to the interstate. His attempts however are unsuccessful, not help in the least by the hostility the residents seem to have towards him. It is not long before a sheriff is called and drives Dean out of the town with vaguely conceal threats. Dean follows the man for the lack of a better idea but decides to wait near the orchard as to protect the couple.
Night fall arrives quickly and it is not long before Dean´s suspicious are confirmed as the couple is attacked by the scarecrow after their car malfunctions, with Dean sweeping in right on time to save them, before the scene cuts.
The next memory starts the next morning with Dean at last calling “Sam”. The brothers talk some about the case, both clearly ignoring their last argument. Dean tells “Sam” he suspects a pagan god to be responsible for the killings due to the ritualistic aspects of the murders and claims he is heading to a local professor to seek for information.
-You know- Dean says with a small smile- since I don’t have my trusty sidekick geek boy to do all the research.
-You know, if you’re hinting you need my help, just ask- “Sam” says, and perhaps in another context it would sound arrogant, but for once Sam thinks that perhaps this is the closest he has come to apologize to his brother
-I’m not hinting anything- Dean claims, before clearing his throat- Actually, I, hmm….
-Yeah. I’m sorry, too- “Sam” says, and for once Sam is glad that he hadn’t screw up this time
-Sam. You were right. You gotta do your own thing. You gotta live your own life- and that feeling quickly evaporates, because isn’t Dean also worth of living his own life?- You’ve always known what you want. And you go after it. You stand up to Dad. And you always have. Hell, I wish I… - And something breaks inside John´s knowing his son doesn’t feel comfortable enough with him- Anyway….I admire that about you. I’m proud of you, Sammy- Dean tells his brother with a small voice- Call me when you find Dad- Dean says before the call is ended.
In the grand scheme of things, Dean being proud of him seems like the worst sin that Sam has ever committed. Because how after everything that happened Dean can still find it in himself to direct those words to Sam and mean it. How can he be proud of the brother that keeps leaving him behind, discarding him like an old toy? Sam isn’t sure there is any penance he can make to even correct a fraction of the harm he caused his brother.
On the projection, Dean meets the professor to find out more about the pagan god guarding the town. The hunter finds out that he is looking for a Vanir, a Norse god of protection, which people usually offered human sacrifice of one man and one woman and whose energy was mostly connected to a sacred tree. Dean thanks the professor for his help but as he goes to leave, he is hit in the face by the sheriff, making the screen go dark.
A splitting headache is all the warning the Winchesters have before the screen lights up again as Dean wakes up trapped inside a cellar. He has barely any time to orientate himself before the cellar´s door opens to reveal Emily´s uncle pushing the young girl inside and shutting them in once more. Emily tries to bargain with them to no avail and it is Dean who has to explain the poor girl of what is happening, while trying to force the door open, with no success. Dean asks the girl for help trying to find the sacred tree and they come up with somehow of a raw plan. It is then that the door opens again, with the sheriff and Emily´s uncle and aunt, pointing a gun towards them to get them moving towards the orchard. Dean ponders his chances off trying to overpower the worshippers but decides against it, and John can agree with his son´s assessment. It is too much risk with little chances of success.
Emily once more tries to bargain with her family, but they are so deep in their mindset that they refuse to find another solution, before leaving them tied up to confront their “fates”
Dean tries to get loose unsuccessfully, getting more desperate as the darker it gets, and just when all hope seems lost “Sam” appears on screen, releasing Dean and Emily. Dean asks his brother to keep an eye on the scarecrow only for both of them to notice that it is nowhere to be found. The three of them make a run for it, trying to leave the orchard before the creature finds them, vowing to return the next day to burn the tree. They don’t get far before they are surrounded by the worshippers who exclaim they must let the deity take them to gather his favor. The creature appears too however instead of taking Emily and Dean, it kills Emily´s aunt and uncle as a sacrifice, with everyone else running for their lives. The morning arrives quickly and the trio doesn’t lose any time in finding the tree, with Emily lightening it on fire, putting an end to the creature and the town and finishing the scene, leaving John unsettled once more at how easy he could have lost his kids.
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Supernatural AU - A bigger Family
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairings: SamxJess(established)
Warning: none? Bad writing XD
Description: What if Dean left before Sam, met Adam and Jess found out about Sam being a hunter.
Authors note: Got the idea while rewatching season 1! Just wanted more characters to play with
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The reason for the Winchesters to become hunters stays the same, Mary dies and it causes John to become obsessed with justice.
John Winchester is raising the two siblings through hunting, at 13 and 9 years old the siblings get attacked by a werwolf who wanted revenge on John. Both of them ended up in the hospital. Bobby, who was helping out, finds out and allows the siblings to stay with him from that moment on, while John is busy hunting.
This causes Dean to lash out, he wants to prove himself. He made one mistake by letting the werwolf get to close, it is his duty to finish the job. Bobby tries his best to explain that he is just a child and to let the adults handle it.
Dean doesn't listen, he ends up sneaking out and hunting the werwolf by himself.
His little brother is the first to notice, Sam tells Bobby immediately and he warns John.
They save Dean and John ends punching Dean. This causes the adults to have an argument about the treatment of the children. John takes Dean and Sam by force and continues raising them in motels. The disrespect Dean showed that day was never forgotten.
Dean fears his father and tries to make up for his wrong doing, but gives up at the end and focuses his time protecting Sam.
Two years later, Dean runs again this time not towards a monster but from one.
Dean ends up back at Bobby's place, surprising him, but being accepted with wide arms.
He made another mistake and it caused John to freak out, Dean didn't know what else to do but run to Bobby.
He didn't eat or sleep since driving there, Bobby allowed him to stay on the couch.
John knocks angrily on the door and Bobby opens it with his gun in hand. Promising him to shoot, if he doesn't leave his property. It causes another fight, Dean hears everything.
Bobby shoots a couple warning shoots and John leaves, warning that he would come back. Bobby focuses his time with Dean, trying to sort everything out while Dean pushes him away.
Bobby tells Dean about his own father and that he had to kill him.
Dean is shocked and doesn't know how to react, but Bobby tells him that he doesn't have to. They end up living together since then and growing closer.
The siblings still talk with each other, but it's getting less and less.
Bobby ends up finding out about Adam Milligan through a hunting friend who was told by John. Adam's mother died through a poltergeist and with no known family, he would end up in the system. Bobby forges some papers and Adam is allowed to stay with him.
His fear of being like his own father is being healed by his relationship with Dean. Dean(16 now) mistakenly calling him Dad didn't hurt either. Adam, 5 years old, has to adjust to having a new family and seeing his mother die in front of him. Surprisingly, the two new siblings bonded fast over fast-food and movies.
Time moves and Sam plans to go to Stanford, John feels betrayed and they end up having their fight. Sam goes through the door and doesn't look back. He ends up calling Dean for the first time after a while and finds out about Adam.
He feels replaced and let's his emotions get to him. Not even telling Dean about college.
Sam starts his journey in law school and meets Jessica through their friend Brady. They become a couple fast, him in law and her in medicine.
Sam tries to live his normal life until his nightmares start, he gets spooked by them until he can't ignore them and does his own research to calm himself. It only makes him more nervous and he ends up debating on asking for help, before he can decide Bobby calls him.
He decides to pick up, they want his help on a hunt that they can't ignore and Sam agrees to escape his own thoughts.
Jess who is worried about him and tried her best to calm him, decides to secretly tag along to ensure his safety.
Sam(22) meets Dean(26) and Adam(15) in a library, going over the information they have. Sam is a bit jealous over Adam, while Adam gives the two siblings the space they need. Only stepping in when necessary, Jess meanwhile is finding out for the first time that Sam has siblings.
They are hunting a group of Vampires, Jess gets caught by one of them and gets used as bait. Sam is freaking out and tries everything to get her back, his brothers help.
Together they end up beheading them and saving Jess. She ends up patching the boys up while explaining her reason on being there before it's Sam turn to explain. Sam comes clean about his life and introduces his siblings.
Sam and Jess go back to college, but Jess is unable to focus on becoming a doctor while more important things are happening under people noses. She ends up calling Dean and telling him her issues. They end up talking for hours and keep going over everything multiple times. Jess head tells her no, but her heart already made the decision on becoming a hunter herself.
Sam is angry, because the plan he had for them gets ruined. It gets revealed that Sam wanted to propose to Jess.
Jess admits that she wants to say yes, but that she can't ruin his live and she leaves to learn under Bobby the same way Adam is. Both of them got the chance to choose a normal life, but both want to fight.
Sam isn't able to keep his emotions in check, his worry and nightmares become worse. He finds out that he has telekinesis powers. Sam ignores it, deciding not to tell a soul and focuses his time on finding Jess.
At Bobby's house the five try to talk but get interrupted by a call from another hunter, who request help. Bobby, Sam and Dean go hunting while Adam starts to do research. It's his current main role in the group, while also now teaching Jess. She gets the hang out of it quickly and ends up finding the crucial information to kill the monster. Unfortunately, they aren't able to reach out to the others. Adam ends up leaving to go get them, while leaving Jess at Bobby's place. Handing her a weapon and telling her what to do for her safety.
Adam is allowed to hunt smaller jobs or as extra backup if something needs to be burned while Sam and Dean fight. He is eager to fight more, but is willing to wait because other people lives are at stake.
He ends up taking a day and a half to get to the city only to find Bobby in the hospital with no trace of Sam and Dean. The hunter friend was the one who brought Bobby to the hospital and is now also looking for the two. Adam and the hunter end up finding them tied up and before he frees them, the hunter attacks him from behind. The shapeshifter took the appearance of the friend and has now all the siblings tied up.
He takes the appearance of Adam and goes back to the hospital to deal with Bobby. While there the siblings manage to escape and they try to get there on time to warn Bobby. Bobby was able to knock out the shapeshifter himself after arriving in the motel. The shapeshifter making a small mistake that made Bobby realize the truth. They deal with the corspe and do a funeral for the hunter.
Both parties drive back, Sam with Dean and Bobby with Adam. Sam calls Jess to inform her about how the hunt went.
Jessica keeps reading articles the next morning on her laptop, switching from one tab to the other and cross checking with Bobby's book. The lights begin to flicker and she feels watched and notices that some of Bobby's traps where pampered. Jess tries to act cool, her mind racing on what to do. Holding the knife tighter and being prepared for everything and nothing.
She sees a man standing in one of the rooms before the blond could do anything, in one blink of an eye the being disappeared.
The main door opens later that day and the boys enter tiredly. Jess tells them about what happend, Sam is concerned and angry about not being told immediately after it happened.
Redoing the traps and drawing more protection symbols on. All of them are on the edge, they realize that the monster just wanted to prove that it could do anything if it wanted to, it was toying with them. Sulfur. A demon. The hunt continues.
Dean Singer,
Sam Winchester,
Jessica Lee Moore,
and Adam Milligan
Fighting together and finding their family on the way.
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