#But I Will Humble Myself Before You Because I Cannot Imagine My Life Without You. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

enden-agolor · 20 days

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Hey enden! I just wanted to reach out as I know these are hard times for you. I’ve been wanting to say something and give you some support, but I have never known what to say, so I’m just gonna wing it.

First off, I would like to preface by saying you are an incredibly humble artist and writer. You carry great talent, yet you seem to almost expect people to not notice that. Never forget your talent, and that even something you spill out at 2am will most definitely be praised. You inspire me to create, I have been in a art and writing slump for so long. I got caught up in life and lost the love for it. You’ve lit that spark in me once more and want to get me creating, and most definitely writing, in honor of you!! That’s amazing man. You have some real special talent, and the mcsm fandom alongside others are seriously so so lucky to have you.

Second, I send nothing but love and support to you and your boyfriend. I know everything will work out just as you guys need it to. If she doesn’t get her karma legally, she most definitely will another way. I know you guys are so strong and will pull through with flying colors!! Death of a loved one is never ever easy, and the worst always happens to the best people. Know that none of what happened is your fault, don’t let guilt consume you, and both of you take care of and love yourselves. You guys seriously deserve it.

Lastly, on a less dreary note, I would like to ask if you had any fan fiction prompts for Jesskas? I want to write so bad, but I cannot come up with a proper idea that is really interesting and solid, yanno? I want to write something long, that I can really pour my heart out into. So if you had any tips or story prompts, it would seriously be appreciated, and you of course would get a huge shoutout, as you would with or without helping me since you are such a huge inspiration to me.

Best of wishes Enden!!

This may be a long response, so here-

First off, I suppose you are right when you say I don't really expect people to enjoy the content I create. It's not an easy concept for me to grasp. I have a lot of trouble seeing how people can like my stuff so much, or god even say I'm their favorite mcsm artist when there's so many others out there that carry so much more skill with colors and backgrounds and such. I know I'm not supposed to compare myself to others, but it is an incredibly hard habit to end. It's why I'm so shocked when I see actual fanart of my aus, or god even my writing. I cannot go back and read me own works for the life of me because I just cringe so bad at it, so when people say it's good I really just have to trust them and believe it.

All I could ever dream to do is inspire people to create and grow with their own imagination, so hearing that my stuff has done that sort of thing for you (and others who have told me the same) it brings me so much joy, but it truly is entirely hard to believe that it's me and not someone else being the one to do that. I don't know, but I am very honored to hear this from you. It only inspires me to push myself further and I don't know. Maybe some day I can push my imposter syndrome aside and really get a firm grasp on my full potential and be proud of it.

And thank you for the love and support towards our situation... As the days go by I fear more and more that that woman will get to keep her dog and nothing will come out of this other than we just have to move past it. So I hope you're right when you say she'll get her karma some other way. I've never in my life wished something bad to happen to someone. Not like this... So if karma does catch her, let it be as devastating to her as it was to us.

Now, real life shenanigans aside, we can get to the jesskas stuff 😏

For fanfic prompts, I always suggest exploring canon before getting into anything truly ambitious. If there's a certain scene in the game you'd like to further explore and add on to- do it! Like I've always wanted to write a fic that gets into a deep emotional moment between Jesse and Lukas after Jesse rescues Lukas and Petra from the Nether during episode 8 and they all enter the player dorms for the night. Just those off screen moments where you can take the characters and add more to the story is easy and fun in itself. I always like to look deep into the emotional aspect of it all, and really dive into how the characters might be feeling after a situation and how that gentle moment alone together could bring them closer. What I already mentioned being a good example because it's directly after PAMA, Jesse having to watch Lukas and Petra(or Ivor) die, and so on. There's a LOT of feelings to explore there. If that's something you'd want to try and tackle, go for it!! But if there's another scene from the game that really sticks out to you that you feel could be so much more, go for that too. It's good to start small and practice how you want to write the characters. Only reason I started a huge fic like Recovery straight away was because I'd been rping jesskas for like a year and a half already and was confident I knew how to write the characters and I wanted to do more for the little community by writing a nice big fic.

And again, it's Minecraft. There's a whole world to explore and put these two right in the middle of it. Think up certain scenarios you like and add on to it! Like if there's a certain scene you really want to do, build to it. Give the characters a goal and put obstacles in the way so you can really flesh them out on the way to that goal. What made them want to go there? How do they get there? What do they do when they get there? How do they communicate with others that might also be there? And how differently do they treat eachother compared to how they treat the others? Those are all things you really want to know ahead of time. Also pay attention to the scenery. Really look into the visuals your mind creates and do your best to get into the details about it all. There's a lot to get into with writing, and the best part about it is you're in complete control, so go crazy with your imagination, especially since it's Minecraft. It could be entirely self indulgent, or even something out of your comfort zone. No matter what it is, it's still growth and it's still progress to being a better writer. Just make sure you're having fun.

Also, thanks for taking the time to send this ask. I appreciate you 🩷

#ask

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lorcandidlucienwill · 2 months

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I want a life that suits us both. I know I am imperfect, but I will humble myself before you because I cannot imagine my life without you, and that is why I want to marry you.

...ANTHONY. I AM UNWELL. I AM ON MY KNEES.

#anthony bridgerton #bridgerton #kate sharma #kathony

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youroriginalsublimecupcakestuff · 5 months

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Dazai to chuuya : "I love you. I've loved you since the day we faced each other in suribashi city, I have loved you at every dance, on every walk, every time we've been together and every time we've been apart. You do not have to accept it or embrace it or even allow it; knowing you, you probably will not. But you must know it... in your heart. You must feel it, because I do. I love you. I know I am imperfect, but I will humble myself before you because I cannot imagine my life without you, and that is why I wish to marry you."

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mulderscully · 11 months

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thank you so much everyone who helped me i'm so grateful. this whole week after my diagnosis has felt so hopeless and scary but i'm so humbled by all the support that has come my way. i am trying my hardest to get healthy again because i don't want to die the way my mom did.

under the cut i am gonna put more about what i have been going through with my type 2 diabetes and fatty liver disease. i am going to be talking about food and eating patterns and somewhat disordered eating so tw for that in case you are curious.

i hope this can help some people though.

i have been very scared since my doctor told me i have fatty liver because i watched my mom die from cirrhosis of the liver - which is a real possibility for me now if i don't make changes.

i saw how awful the progression of that disease is.

when my mom was diagnosed she was already jaundiced and had full blown cirrhosis, which i did not understand at the time meant that it was irreversible and that she was absolutely going to die unless she recieved a live transplant. cirrhosis occurs when your liver has received so much damage that it has become scar tissue and cannot function any longer. your liver is an organ you cannot live without. if it is caught very early you have the option of a transplant, but since her disease had progressed so far her heart was not functioning properly and she had a 75% chance of dying on the operating table.

simple fatty liver usually does not cause symptoms and if it does, as with me, they are mild and can be ignored. this is why usually people do not know until it's too late and larger symptoms such as jaundice (yellow skin and eyes), red palms, swelling in the legs and stomach, confusion and hallucinations are present.

this has all scared me so much because i have ptsd from her illness and death, not only did i see all this happen to my mother very quickly- she was diagnosed in 2008 and died in 2010- but now i see it very differently. i understand now that she did not take her diabetes seriously enough, and taking her off the pedestal i have put her on has been hard. i remember how unhealthy she ate while diabetic, i remember how high her blood sugar was. i remember hiding bread and oreos from her. and now i understand that she must have had fatty liver and not known it, and because she already had hepatitis in the past AND was on a medication for depression known as cymbalta, her disease skyrocketed. she was not dieting, she was not exercising and she died without understanding how she got there so fast because non alcoholic fatty liver is SILENT until it's too late and it's not something doctors generally look for.

i do not blame my mother. she had a lot of mental and physical issues that i do not, and everyday i am so grateful that she raised me. but i now know that if they had tested her liver enzymes in say, 2005 or 2006, and told her what i know now, she may still be alive if she had changed her way of living. and that is hard.

when i was laying down for the gallbladder ultrasound there was something telling me it was my liver, and i imagined how scared she must have been in that situation but having no way to get better the way i still do. my mother loved me more than anything, and knowing she was going to die and leave me (her words) was something i know she felt guilty about until the final weeks of her life. i fully believe if she knew what i know, she would have changed.

i am not jaundice, i do not have serious symptoms except occasional discomfort in my abdomen. the craziest part is that this all happened on the anniversary of my mother's death, june 24th.

if she is still somewhere in existance, maybe she was warning me to change before it was too late.

the truth is until now i did not understand the connection between what you eat and your liver, especially if you are diabetic or prediabetic. i am trying really hard not to blame myself, but the truth is my diet for the last few years have been absolutely atrocious. i would wake up and have a sugary iced coffee and a chocolate croissant every day. for lunch i would have pizza or something fast and easy like that and when i got home i would have pasta almost every day. then i would have snacks like chocolate covered pretzels or a pint of ice cream like it was nothing.

if i had been more careful, maybe i wouldn't be where i am now. but the past is the past and truth be told i have an addiction to sugar. the first two weeks after my diabetes diagnosis i felt insane. i cried in the grocery store because i wanted to get candy and soda so bad. it was physically painful not to. but... now a month later those cravings are gone. i do not even WANT a ben & jerrys - as if something in my body switched. and that step was hard, but it has been worth it.

the hardest part has been finding food in the us that is actually healthy and not MARKETED to be healthy. these are different things and i learned that recently too.

i want to make it clear that i am not shaming how anyone eats. i am not trying to lose weight because i don't like looking fat. i actually realized i am going to miss my fat body as i start to slim down. but i have to do this to live- this is not the case for everyone but it is for me.

now, if you made it this far i want to tell you some warning signs that i was seriously ill that i ignored for months.

1. i noticed random parts of the skin my body getting darker, specifically beneath and between my breasts and behind my neck. this is a sign of diabetes. i also noticed my skin would tear very easily, specifically my hands.

2. i had to pee all the time. like. literally every 15-20 minutes. at one point i was getting up to pee about 7 times a night. and when i did it smelled like liquid cane sugar. this was my first "oh shit" moment.

3. this is taboo to talk about but i suspected i was diabetic when i suddenly got a really severe yeast infection.

4. my skin was breaking out like it never had. i also had light colored stools.

5. oddly dizzy and feeling weird. down the list bc everyone knows this one.

6. lastly. pain in my upper right stomach, under the ribs. if you feel pain here and are either diabetic or prediabetic, ask your doctor to check your liver enzymes and if you cannot see a doctor consider making changes to your life style within your personal capacity.

anyway, thank you for helping me and if you read this thank youuu for that as well and i hope it's somewhat helpful to someone out there 🫶🏻

#personal

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sixofcrowdaydreams · 3 months

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There's a handful of reasons I relate to Wylan so strongly, but one of them has to be the unique experience of being an illiterate adult.

A few years ago, right before the pandemic, I moved across the world to work in a country where I didn't speak the main language. None of the languages commonly spoken in my new home uses the Latin alphabet so attempting to read and pronounce any letters/words in an unfamiliar writing system has been difficult.

Just don't be ignorant, you might think. Learn the language! For the record, I did. Well, I started to, but then the pandemic hit. My language class stopped and strict quarantines limited opportunities to practice. Two years and two babies later the world opened back up. Work and my tiny dictators, I mean, toddlers have kept me too busy to throw myself into learning the language with the gusto I once had. But over the years I've learned enough to get by with basic pleasantries: hello, goodbye, thank you, yes, no. Numbers 1-10. And how to order food at a restaurant. "How are you?" "Good." Unfortunately, that’s the limited extent of my conversational abilities.

The alphabet still trips me up and I often feel like a kindergartner slowly stringing syllables together and incorrectly sounding out words. Plus, there's the bonus of pronouncing the words but still not knowing they actually mean.

So I relate to Wylan a little bit in having to navigate the world at a disadvantage, one he cannot fully understand. Luckily for Wylan he can speak even though he can’t read, which gives him more coping strategies than are available to me. But you don’t realize just how much is written, especially in the modern world, until you are unable to read it.

Being an illiterate adult is a humbling experience. I cannot emphasize that enough. Book Wylan is a teenager, but was thrown into the “real world” and left to fend for himself as if he were an adult. Show Wylan is an illiterate adult who was also more or less thrown into the wild world. And I’d like to imagine that he shares similar illiterate adult encounters and experiences with me.

There isn’t a moment that I forget that I can’t read the language around me. However, it’s very easy to tune out the writing. To be blind to it and not see signs or labels because my brain stops looking for them, unable to to understand them.

Getting lost. Knowing the name of the place, a building, an address, the street that I'm searching for, but not being able to locate it by sight even though it is right there.

Walking past shops and stores unable to read their name and wondering what’s inside. What do they sell? What business do they hold? There’s no way of knowing unless I go inside myself.

Shopping and buying items based on the image on the packaging. Trying to figure out if there’s any difference between two items. Occasionally guessing wrong, buying the wrong thing.

Need instructions? Written directions (like for cooking)? Lol, Guess I'm going to wing it and hope for the best.

Being unable to read a written menu and ordering something generic because the restaurant probably serves it.

Putting off chores that require using the skill I don't have.

Having to act overly polite to everyone (regardless of how I feel) because I am the inconvenience when everyone else is just living their normal life.

Being treated like a child because, in my inability to read, I have the skills of a child so people will treat me the same way they would a child. And worse, all the while still having to act so polite about it because again, I am the inconvenience, even though I am being spoken down to like a child.

Accidentally, unintentionally being rude because I can't follow the sign's directions.

Pretending that I can read (or speak). Sometimes nodding along and agreeing with without any context is easier than a admitting I don't have a clue what's happening.

And in the modern day... I rely heavily on my cell phone to translate the way Wylan would use speech to text features. And there are times when there's no cell service, the phone or app stop working correctly. The translations/transcriptions are imperfect and confusing. It's scary when those safety nets stop working.

So yeah, being an illiterate adult is quite the experience. It can be exhausting. I am incredibly lucky that in my case it's due to living in a multicultural world and that given the time and patience, I could became literate and fluent in another language. The entire experience gives quite the insight on the hurdles and experiences Wylan might face.

#wylan van eck #six of crows #shadow and bone

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thebreakfastgenie · 1 year

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Suicide Is Painless (And I Can Take or Leave It If I Please): Hawkeye Pierce and Suicidal Ideation

The aim of this post is to analyze a couple of specific episodes where I think Hawkeye Pierce demonstrates suicidal ideation. These examples are situational to the war, and while you can use them as a basis for speculation on Hawkeye's mental health with regards to suicidal ideation before and after, it is not within the scope of this post to do so.

Do you know what I did? How I degraded myself, how I groveled, how I humbled, how I cheapened myself all for a pair of miserable, lousy army boots? I swear to you, as dedicated as I am to the sanctity and preservation of human life, if I had a gun at this moment, I would send my head across the tent!

This is not on the same level as the other examples, but I do not feel I can make this post without mentioning For Want of a Boot. This episode affected me profoundly. In the first place, a hole in a boot seems like a minor discomfort, but can have a serious impact on quality of life. I always think of the other episodes that establish their boots are often caked in blood, and imagine Hawkeye standing in surgery for hours at a time with blood seeping into his sock. And it has been going on for weeks.

This is compounded by Hawkeye's loss of agency. He cannot simply go to the store and buy a new pair of shoes, as he would in civilian life. He has to request a new pair of boots from the Army and wait for them to get around to sending them. When he tries to assert agency by taking matters into his own hands, he performs a series of favors he describes as degrading, and in the end it all falls apart just before he achieves success.

The quoted line is one of the few places in the show where I really notice the laugh track in a negative way. Alan Alda's delivery does not feel like a joke. An exaggeration, yes, because he is not really going to blow his brains out over a pair of boots, but the hyperbole is an expression of his very real feelings of frustration and desperation. By the end of the episode, the problem still is not solved. It ends on a comedy beat, but the joke is that Hawkeye has resorted to using a golf bag in place of a boot, because his boot has still not been replaced. He is still at the mercy of the Army. Just as his attempts to replace his boots and assert agency are futile, so too is any attempt to escape the war.

Probably the most straightforward example of suicidal ideation is The Late Captain Pierce. This is the one case where I am fairly convinced the message was intentional. In The Late Captain Pierce, Hawkeye is stripped of everything: his salary, his contact with the world outside the 4077th, and finally his dignity, culminating in Captain Pratt calling him an unperson. The loss of dignity echoes For Want of a Boot.

The episode ends, textually, with Hawkeye trying to be dead. Death, in the form of Digger, has been waiting for him the entire episode, and he finally gives in to it. His lines on the morgue bus are fairly unambiguous. "I'm not a passenger, I'm cargo" echoes the dehumanization he has just experience at the hands of Captain Pratt, who represents the Army. He says outright that he is tired of fighting death, and states "if you can't lick it, join it." He ends with the chilling "right, boys?" placing himself equal to the dead bodies he is sharing the bus with. Even his posture evokes death. His body language reinforces tired to death.

While he did pack a bag, he does not seem to have a concrete plan for getting from the morgue bus to home. It seems more likely he'd get arrested for being AWOL. This makes more sense, however, if he really is asking to go to the final reward. BJ's line "you're really going home?" can even be read as as asking "are you sure going home is really what you're doing?" "Going home" can also be used as a euphemism for death. Hawkeye could just be acting impulsively and on a textual level that is all it is. But symbolically, Hawkeye boarding that morgue bus is a suicide attempt. After losing everything, being isolated, and enduring over a year of constant war with no end in sight, he has had enough and chooses death over continuing to endure it.

Except, of course, he has a change of heart. He chooses to live after all. It comes from him. He does not get brought back by the MPs when the bus reaches the morgue, nor does BJ succeed in convincing him to get off the bus. Hawkeye chooses for himself to leave death behind and continue fighting. And, crucially, the circumstances that lead to this symbolic suicide attempt do not go away. By the end of the episode, Hawkeye is still dead according to the Army bureaucracy. He is working to fix it, but it is not yet fixed. This, too, echoes For Want of a Boot. Of course the larger circumstance, the war, is still ongoing. There is a glimmer of hope, because Hawkeye does get to talk to his dad, but the episode ends with the call being cut off. This ending suggests, then, that there is still hope, even when things are bad, and living is worth it.

The other episode I want to talk about is Letters. In Letters, it is not a loss of dignity or autonomy that provokes Hawkeye's crisis, but the angry words of a grieving child. This is clearly something Hawkeye has thought about before, or perhaps not allowed himself to think about. The comfort Father Mulcahy offers--you don't take lives, you save them--is the screen Hawkeye and the others always hide behind. But the veil has been lifted, and Hawkeye is confronting the reality of his role in the war. However involuntarily, he is, as he says, a very large cog in the war machine. "I can't deny that, and I can't live with it either." The truth is something he is not certain he can live with. He cannot deny it, so his only options are to live with it or not to live, and he is not sure he can live with it.

Letters is also an episode where Hawkeye behaves a little strangely. After asking BJ what he should say in response to the letter, when BJ does offer to help, Hawkeye refuses. Instead, he goes to Father Mulcahy. Private conversations with Father Mulcahy are generally treated as confidential, even outside the confessional seal. When Hawkeye returns, he immediately tells BJ about his conversation with Mulcahy, including his attempt to violate his own rule by asking Mulcahy to answer the letter for him. The had perviously discussed the shared experience of sending patients back to continue fighting and possibly be killed. The only part of the conversation Hawkeye does not tell BJ about is "I can't live with it either." There are many possible explanations for this behavior and I am not asserting that attempting to conceal suicidal ideation from BJ is the correct one, but it is of interest to me that the one person he chooses to be completely open with is the chaplain.

The part of this episode that feels too significant to be a coincidence comes near the end. As in the previous examples, Hawkeye cannot bring Ronnie's brother back, nor can he resolve the underlying problem, which is the war. He does get to do something good, by saving the life of another child, and he is able to answer Ronnie honestly, though whether that will provide Ronnie any real comfort remains unknown. In The Late Captain Pierce, what gets Hawkeye off the bus is the knowledge that there are lives to save. Here, too, it is saving a life that allows him to continue. And yet once again, his crisis is not entirely resolved. BJ asks how he is doing, and he says "I'm still here." This line carries a double meaning that simply cannot be ignored.

First, there is the positive meaning, which relates directly to the idea that Hawkeye has been undergoing a crisis that includes suicidal ideation. "I'm still here" meaning "I'm still alive." He did not choose death, this time. This scene is also coupled with the sun coming out when the storm that has been continuing throughout the episode finally ends. The episode begins with the storm already ongoing, perhaps suggesting Hawkeye was already struggling with his crisis of conscience before reading Ronnie's letter, and the angry words simply brought it to the surface where he could no longer ignore it.

The second meaning is the negative meaning, even though it is less directly related to suicidal ideation than the first. "I'm still here" meaning "I'm still in this place, I'm still in the war." His answer, then, can be interpreted as "How do you think I'm doing?" Hawkeye is still trapped and at the mercy of the Army. As long as that continues, his underlying conflict will never truly be resolved. It only ends "when this big one ends," to quote Sidney.

Ultimately, though the lyrics were never used for the show, Hawkeye Pierce is best summed up by the chorus to Suicide Is Painless:

Suicide is painless It brings on many changes And I can take or leave it If I please

The specter of suicide is always lurking. It is the emergency exit; one last way out. Home is indefinite, a promise that feels increasingly unattainable. Sometimes the war gets unbearable and the only comfort left is the thought of suicide. It is always on the table and he can take it or leave it. He chooses, each time, to leave it, but he always knows it is there. Suicide would, at least, be a final assertion of agency. So, too, is choosing to live.

#mash #m*a*s*h #hawkeye pierce #I think the content warning goes without saying but #suicide cw #if you do decide to go anywhere else with this/this post inspires anything PLEASE tag me or DM me #mashposting #original mash content

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the-resident-wallflower · 2 years

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"You have bewitched me body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. And wish from this day forth never to be parted from you." - Mr. Darcy (P&P 2005)

"You are the love of my life Elizabeth Bennet. So I ask you now... half in anguish... half in hope... Will you do me the great great honor, of taking me for your husband?" Mr. Darcy (PPZ)

"You are the bane of my existence. And the object of all my desires." - Lord Anthony Bridgerton

"I love you. I've loved you from the moment we raced each other in that park. I've loved you at every dance, on every walk, every time we've been together and every time we've been apart. You do not have to accept it, you do not have to embrace it, or even allow it. Knowing you, you probably will not. But, you must know it, in your heart. You must feel it because I do. I love you." — Lord Anthony Bridgerton

"I know I am imperfect, but I will humble myself before you because I cannot imagine my life without you." — Lord Anthony Bridgerton

"I am yours, Daphne, I have always been yours." — Simon Basset

#Bridgerton #anthony bridgerton #kate sharma #anthony x kate #ppz #pride and prejudice #mr. darcy #simon hastings #victorian hand almost touching #it kills me #the hands #hands #period drama

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al-ghvl · 2 years

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mm - anthony “I know I am imperfect, but I will humble myself before you because I cannot imagine my life without you.” bridgerton vs. nikolai “I would give you a crown if I could. I would show you the world from the prow of a ship. I would choose you, Zoya. As my general, as my friend, as my bride.” lantsov

#kudos also of course to ‘you are the BANE of my existence and the object of all my desires’ and #‘because i am greedy of the sight of you / because the prospect of facing this war - this loss - without you fills me with fear / because #i find i don’t want to fight for a future if i can’t find a way to make a future with you’#is this a good time to also admit that the reason i still hold zoyalai on a higher pedestal is because book kanthony gave me the ick #my kos and row ebook copies are highlighted as FUCK but tvwlm no longer exists in my library bc i deleted it 💀#kanthony #zoyalai #kate sharma #anthony bridgerton #zoya nazyalensky #nikolai lantsov

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cheap-pack-of-cigarettes · 1 year

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“You are the bane of my existence, and the object of all my desires.” & “I know I am imperfect, but I will humble myself before you because I cannot imagine my life without you.” & “I cannot breathe when you are not near. I love you Charlotte. My heart calls your name.” & “I will stand with you between the heavens and the Earth! I will tell you where you are.” >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

“I burn for you.”

#kate x anthony #bridgerton #charlotte x george #queen charlotte #there is simply no competition

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spookyshits · 2 years

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it's always 'you up?' and never 'I know I am imperfect. But I will humble myself before you because I cannot imagine my life without you, and that is why I wish to marry you.' or 'All I find myself thinking about. All I find myself being able to breathe for… is you.' or 'You are the bane of my existence and the object of all my desires.' or 'It is maddening. How much you consume my very being.' or-

#crazy #how like #im still obsessed #with this fucking show #and these idiots #Bridgerton #anthony bridgerton #Bridgerton S2 #kate sheffield #kate x anthony #anthony x kate #kathony #kate sharma

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halcyandaze · 1 year

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question that came to me out of the blue but were there previous versions/scrapped ideas for bonomo and nova [or oc in general]?

oH BOY so I've had bonomo for over 7 years now so uhhh I do indeed got plenty of old material of those two and how they kinda evolved and changed over all that time

so lucky for you guys, for once I'm gonna *pukes in mouth a lil* ugh, share my old art from when I was 15, oof uhhh you're welcome in advance (yes I realize some of my old followers here could have been following since I was 15 but still) also since I've had these characters for so long and tie into my own life at times I may accidentally go off on some tangents but whatever

strap in folks, this is gonna be a long post

bonomo

2015: aight so I first made this lil dude in september 2015 in a sketchbook after school. didn't think much of him at the time, just a cool character design that kinda stuck around. an ex friend of mine gave him the name bonomo (I suck at naming things) but yes humble beginnings here, literally just a little guy

early 2016: ok so at this point I got attached to the design and wanted to flesh him out more. at first he was just a lil creature with a monitor head, but I wanted to run with that retro computer kind of theme and fully embraced it by making him into a robot

mid/late 2016: alright so here is when the design really started to take shape and tighten up as you can see, from this point not much changes with bonomo as far as the design goes except for just minor art style changes from here. this is where I start building more personality, being rather positive, naive, goofy

2017: here is where I really start knowing the character well and finally get all the kinks out of the design. ended up making him very expressive, taller, softer, rounder, everything past this point is peak bonomo

2018/2019/2020/2021/2022: not much to report at this point his design is pretty much solid from here

nova

early 2016: so here I first wanted to make a simple persona/self insert kinda thing and made this rough unnamed loose design of a lil alien creature, as you can see I cannot decide on a color palette to save my life

mid/late 2016: got a name for them and started calling them nova, and I finally picked a goddamn color palette and basic outfit design about damn time. at this point they went from being just a nameless self insert persona concept to be their own character instead

2017: same with bonomo, this is where I feel like I got a good solid design for them, and all of their major design has stayed the same from here on out. I also brought back/revived some elements from their very first designs in 2016 as a design for their younger self for backstory purposes, but this is still a bit rough and I put it on the back burner to shape up their current design and story before tackling their backstory

2018: not much change here except I feel my art has gotten much better at this point lol

2019/2020: at this point I have bonomo and nova's personality, design, dynamic, and story rough ideas down pretty solid so I work more on nova's past and backstory more and have nailed down the design for their younger past self

2021/2022: both versions of nova have remained pretty much unchanged from here

early 2016: both bonomo and (at the time unnamed) nova were more of just designs than the characters we know em as today. I started drawing them together around march 2016 just because I thought "oh haha a robot and alien, sci-fi cross over time" without thinking much of it

mid/late 2016: here I find myself drawing the two together more and it's at this point I realize to myself 'oh shit I can do something with this' and started to really flesh out who they are and where they came from and wanted to turn them into full characters instead of just little doodles. here I started experimenting with lore and story ideas, many of which have changed a lot or have been scrapped completely by now. at first I imagined both of them being from space, but ended up scrapping that and having bonomo be native to earth. I also didn't have a full motive for nova to come to earth yet either, but I knew they'd both be on earth at this point just causing trouble. I also was debating making their story much more depressing and even toxic at points for the two of them, even debating having bonomo leaving nova for good at some point, but that just made me sad over time so that quickly was changed

2017: here is both when their main design elements and personality start to take proper shape. I base their personalities off of exaggerated aspects of my own, bonomo being my goofy silly naive geeky half and nova being my feral stubborn paranoid half. I have also started forming the very rough idea of nova's backstory to how they arrived on earth, why they're on earth, how bonomo and nova meet, and their basic every day lives

2018: ok so now that I have their designs, personalities, and daily lives and motivations down, I start working on their actual story and have gotten it pretty solid now (but these are all spoilers so hmm ask for more info later if y'all really want uhhhhhhh)

2019/2020: at this point my art has gone from much more simple and flat color generally to much more rendered and symbolic and distorted and psychedelic, cuz this was after I dropped out of college and was battling some nasty drug addictions at the time which quite literally changed how I see the world to a much more confusing and broken and distorted place, and my art changed to reflect that. it was at this point that I started working more on nova's backstory seriously since it ties into where their story finishes

2021/2022: my art at this point was a lot of self reflection cuz I had a lot of emotions and a lot of personal growth and a lot of change in my life at this point and phew these two were really going through it in my artwork while I figured my shit out. but here we are now!

so yeah uh that's bonomo the prototype robot and nova the ex-space criminal they live in the middle of nowhere new mexico and get up to silly shenanigans and tomfoolery :]

#asks #anonymous #bonomo #nova #oc #oc lore

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