#But I also found pals who don't seem to mind anything about the way I am so I dunno what the deal is

[coldercreation]

brb about to go down a research rabbit hole lol

Question of the day!

Why is showing ‘disinterest’ such prevalent thing when it comes to building friendships and relationships?

I have talked about this here before in my rants lol, but it just always frustrates me. Like, you know those arbitrary ‘rules’ in dating that you shouldn’t show too much interest or get in touch too soon, or be too ‘intense’ or interested? Like, obviously don’t be a stalker and read the room etc, but I mean if you're just a regular and safe 'well-adjusted' person, why is you showing genuine effort and interest seen as a bad thing (I don't mean love bombing, that's a whole different thing)? If you genuinely like each other, why is the social rule saying that you shouldn’t show that? Same goes with friendships, why is showing interest in the person you want to get to know sometimes, somehow, a bad thing? To a point that some people can get put off by that effort someone is showing to get to know them? Not saying everyone is like this, because I know there are so many people who aren’t. And plenty people also disregard these social rules because they aren’t actually concrete rules. 

This is just a social construct and I’m trying to figure out why it is, because it seems counter productive? By what logic does it work? How are you supposed to make friends/date, if them showing interest in you makes you exit the relationship/ghost/breadcrumb?

How long are we supposed to only talk in one line texts about surface level stuff, to avoid being too much/too intense, before it’s acceptable? How do you know you’re following the same social timelines with the people you’re trying to get close to, when there’s no actual set rules? Someone might think you have to wait three days after a date to get in touch, but someone else will get offended if you take longer than two. But the next day or the same day is too desperate to some folk? And I'm talking about this from the point of view of someone who doesn't have trouble reading social cues/expectations. Can't even imagine dealing with this mess if that wasn't the case. Like what's the point of having these 'rules' if it just makes things more difficult for everyone? :')

These rules, technically, don't need to exist at all. It's all made up, based on... Something? We can always dismiss them ourselves but I'd like to know why they came to be and why we keep upholding them. I want to know the social purpose y'know? Is it a safety thing? Protecting yourself and not wanting to be vulnerable? That'd be valid, of course. But it does seem self sabotaging as it blocks people from actually making the connections they say they want to have?

I’ve been trying to find any research on the social behaviour regarding this, but I’m not sure what to even look up lol. Especially because I think the way we interact and behave has changed so much just in the last five years even. 

I just find it so curious that there’s so many headlines about loneliness epidemic, but people also recoil away from others when someone does show them genuine interest and wants to talk to them.   

I’ve had this initial ‘disinterest’ stage happen in the friendship context more. Also sudden, out of nowhere, communication ending/ghosting disinterest when trying to make friends (like please hurt my heart some more I beg u lmao). I haven’t really dated in the last few years so I don’t personally know how that field is at the moment, but I know ghosting is really common and people actively try to hold back from showing interest at first, even if they are reallyreally interested.

Maybe I’ll try looking more into the effects on social media etc, there’s a lot about ghosting in that context. But I just feel like it’s not quite what I mean, because I feel this disinterest phenomenon thing is separate from ghosting. 

Anyway! Happy Sunday loll xx

[maritotoy]

MAUGA X Support/Medic Reader ((Part. 1))

NOTE: Believe it or not, I never realize how long I've written this one.

This narrative tracks Mauga's obsession with Y/N as it grows to the point where he is prepared to kill everyone who stands in his way. With this in mind, Mauga's commitment would gradually grow. He would start out softly and then this need on you would get stronger.

It all began when your talents were initially utilised for recruitment. You were a terrific help, willing to assist your teammates in whatever way they needed.

Your main issue was that you could never truly let them handle things on their own. As a result, it became increasingly difficult to care for yourself.

They promised you riches if you helped them fight back against their threat. There were only so many ways to profit from rival worlds, after all. You were aware that you were going into a whole new universe when you agreed, but you also felt that you had no choice but to accept them.

Ultimately, you didn't wish to pass away, did you?

It was stated to you when you first joined TALON Organization, that you should concentrate only on the battlefield. Up until you met Baptiste, an exceptional combat medic, it was great with you. Your shared enthusiasm for curing illness is what unites the two of you. It turned into a shared passion. As you try to acquire experience in several areas, like medical supplies, you both hope to discover some more useful abilities, like healing or even a unique kind of combat capability.

But you can hardly ever get to Baptiste, he's constantly at the top. Both a combat mercenary and medic. You're always looking for ways to sharpen your skills.

Even after meeting him again at your base and on missions, you are still determined to improve your ability to deal with any possible emergencies. Not until later do you find out what happens when a member of your unit gets injured.

Baptiste surged in, carrying an imposing stature and a solid, muscular frame. His voice sounded desperate, asking, "I'm sorry if I came to you! I know you are busy, but I need help with my friend, please, Y/N!" The urgency was so obvious that there wasn't much resistance. Even if he was a doctor himself, it must have seemed urgent enough.

Besides... You were in the right place to help.

You rushed over to his side and helped him stabilize his huge friend. "What happened, Bap? Are you hurt?" He didn't reply, but his eyes told you all you needed to know.

You fix your sight on his pal. He does not appear to be hurt or seriously damage. However, the man's body is completely soaked, which looks very suspicious to you. "Is he alright, Bap? I don't see anything wrong." He shook his head and gave a sigh.

"We were attacked. Mauga and I found the source of the enemy attack and got separated."

"How long has it been since then?"

"Four hours, maybe five."

"Do you have any idea of what may have caused the damage?"

"I'm not sure. However, I had already discovered him unconscious but unharmed on the ground. It should not take long for him to awaken.." You glance at the unconscious man again before you say, "Let me take a look at him." He nodded and stepped aside.

"Mauga could never be wounded by shots like that. Despite his size, he could easily absorb one hit thanks to his physique." He explains.

You crouch down and check on his comrade. He seems fine to you. There's nothing unusual about him, other than the fact that he's a bit too heavy.

You knew Mauga.

And with such.

You just don't know how to engage with him.

On a conversation? Yes. Your profession is your duty.

You don’t really get along with those who rely solely on themselves as an advantage, even though you respect their abilities.

The feeling is mutual. Every time someone gets hurt because of something beyond their control, you are there to help them.

Because that's your job as a medic.

You both have quite a difference in interests, though. You can't stand the fact that he’s so reckless, you can't understand why he doesn't think more carefully before he acts. As soon as he sees blood, it's always the most important thing.

Mauga stands tall, towering over his opponents with an impressive height of 7'5 ft tall. (My headcanon)

Mauga is a formidable opponent on the front lines thanks to his strong, muscular physique. His broad shoulders and thick neck gives off an air of strength and power, and his body is well-built, demonstrating his strength and capacity to deal severe damage to rivals.

Did I mention he has two hearts?

Unlike you, Mauga is a ruthless and cunning individual, driven by his own motivations. He never lets anyone interfere with his goals, whether or not they involve you. While he might act with reckless disregard sometimes, he is also able to calculate the best course of action.

Not anyone knows this. But you knew nontheless with Baptiste.

You may be underestimating him in some way, or you may have witnessed the genuine thing, up close and personal, but he always brags about his achievements without hesitation or shame. His fighting style turns wild and unpredictable when he fights. If Mauga doesn't want to win, he will take his time, before using ChaCha and Gunny, his chainguns, to grab the victory, and he won't give up until he achieves his objective.

He definitely is careless, isn't he?

"He's breathing just fine, Baptiste. I would say he is in perfect health, aside from the injuries, I can't detect any signs of any damage injuries either." You said as you stood up. Baptiste sighs relief. "I'll leave him to you doctor. Don't worry, I trust that you have everything under control." He says this to you while nodding in satisfaction.

This gesture of his is a way of gratitude towards the medic's work.

"I will be back later," he says as he leaves to make a round to prepare for battle.

While Baptiste was gone, you sat next to the downed mercenary soldier and begin to observe him. In the midst of his unconsciousness, he seems to be in a good state. There was no sign of discomfort or pain. His pulses are fast but steady, knowing that Mauga have two hearts, one that allowed him to replace his damaged, organic heart with a cybernetic one. That way, his heart will beat twice as fast. You can easily tell that Mauga is in his natural state.

Your eyes began to feel heavy after observing him for some time. You weren't sure if it's due to fatigue from watching him, or simply exhaustion from your duties as a medic.

Before you knew it, you fell asleep.

When you awoke, you find yourself staring back into the face of Maugaloa Malosi, whose lips formed into those flashing, same pasted smile as usual. “Ah, Doctor. How nice to see you again.”

You quickly wake up, sitting straight up on the chair. “M-Mauga!" You exclaimed, alarmed. "H-How is you- I mean are you feeling alright?”

He grinned at you. “I am feeling rather fine.” You let out a long, sigh of relief. However, you didn't anticipate that this would happen frequently. “I see..." You replied.

Silence takes over for a while. Mauga stared at you intensely before taking a step forward. “Your Y/N, correct? Baptiste little assistant. I've heard much about you, but never expect that I would get to get treated from you.”

You flinched slightly at his words 'assistant' and the word 'little', but you remained calm. “I'm glad that you feel better now. You should rest and recover. If you still need them..."

“I appreciate the concern,” he says as he reaches towards your shoulder. You instinctively raise your hands in preparation of blocking. This caught him off guard, causing him to pause in his movements, then booms laughing.

“My apologies, Teuila. I thought that you might have forgotten what I do here,” he said in that familiar, friendly tone.

“If I recall correctly, I haven't given you permission to touch me.” This comment caught him off guard as he chuckles deeply.

He stares at your hand for a while longer. You're beginning to become worried. After a brief silence, he reaches forward and lightly holds onto your wrist.

“That’s a very sensitive spot…” He whispers gently. Your heartbeat begins to accelerate. “And your pulse is fast. Is this normal?” he asks. “Yes,” you respond in a soft voice.

“Then why are you afraid? You know I'm not going to hurt you...” He grinned. His sharp teeth glinted menacingly in the dim light. "Surely you've already made a friend? You also gave him a lot of attention than you do with me. Or have you grown to dislike me?"

"...I... I beg your pardon-" your speech is interrupted by Baptiste with a tired expression.

"Hey... Sorry that I took so long. I went to gather supplies. Mission was a success." He sighed in relief as he approached you.

"Mauga, I'm glad your awake bud." Baptiste sighs in relief and smiles at Mauga. Mauga returned the gesture before looking back at you.

He still has that huge grin plastered across his features while his eyes darted towards yours. "You're crazy out there Mauga. Do you really think that you can defeat the enemies single handedly?" Baptiste says with a chuckle. “You know me Baptiste, I never do things without planning them out.” He grinned, revealing that row of dazzlingly white teeth. “I still don't understand how you've been knocked down so easily. It's hard to believe that you can be beaten like that.” Baptiste gives a half smirk, half frown.

You listen to their conversation, and you try to make sense of it. Mauga laughs at the situation, as if it's all so obvious. "C'mon, Baptiste, we have bigger problems than me right now. The mission is a success because we finally found the enemy camp. But it was a close call, and we needed your medical expertise to treat the wounded," Mauga explains to Baptiste while looking directly into his eyes with a sly smile. "I carried your massive ass in this camp with support of your weight alone. You ought to be pleased to have a subordinate with such skill." Baptiste smirks. He was referring to you. Mauga laughs at his friend's criticism, displaying his amusement at the circumstances.

"So yeah. It was pretty rough, but we managed to secure the objective! Isn't that great news?"

It's not really a surprise to you.

Mauga does tend to put himself in danger, especially when he's in an unfamiliar place.

This guy is completely reckless, which is why you can't believe that he managed to survive so many battles without falling apart or breaking down.

"Your a loose-canon, but I hope ended well..." you say calmly, hoping that you sound convincing enough.

"I can assure that I have the highest respect and admiration for your abilities as a medic. I would never doubt your skills, even if I hadn't personally experience how skilled you are in dealing with wounds." Mauga comments, he sounds sincere as ever.

Baptiste grins again. "That's a big ego of yours, my friend. You should consider giving a few compliments to the people who did more than you."

"I would love to, my friend, but there's nothing wrong with being modest about our accomplishments."

"Alright," Baptiste said, sounding annoyed.

--------

After several hours, days, months of treating your patients at base. You cannot help but wonder seeing Mauga quite often, whether that is purely because of duty or something else. Although it is difficult to tell what he's thinking, there are moments where you notice the way that he is constantly staring at you. Like he's trying to figure out something about you:

studying your appearance, facial expressions, mannerisms. Sometimes he gets lost in his thoughts, sometimes he appears to be lost in his own world, occasionally, you could catch him smirking knowingly, or even smiling to himself. These small gestures usually only occur during times when it's with you with him. Sometimes, the man is just too cheerful, or too energetic in general.

You could hardly handle the stress of handling all these patients in the infirmary on your own. You're starting to miss having Baptiste around to keep him occupied while you go through patients. You sighed loudly not until Mauga appears behind you

You found him with wounds on his chest and torso. You turn to look at him, "What happened?"

"Nothing serious..." He grins, showing his sharpened teeth.

"Just a minor injury, eh?" You raise an eyebrow at the mercenary, crossing your arms over your chest. Mauga simply shrugs as he sits on a table.

There was another period of silence between you two, and the atmosphere seemed to tense up considerably. This time, it's you who breaks the silence. "I'm sorry that you got injured. I don't know how I should react seeing someone else getting hurt so casually. You could have died out there. And that's not the worst thing that can happen," you said sarcastically and sternly.

He chuckles. "Oh really? Tell me more." He leans closer to your face, gazing deeply into your eyes. "Ah. So that's how it is."

You glare at him angrily, but he ignores you as you continue working. "Are you seriously going to mock me for worrying about you?"

"Not at all," he replied, with a hint of sarcasm. "But there is one thing that concerns me."

"What? You're going to insult me too, aren't you?" Mauga laughs while Y/N tends his injury.

The felt of your touch sends shivers throughout his entire body. He tries hard to suppress the sudden urge to grab her hand and hold on tightly. It's becoming harder to control these urges though. He shakes his head rapidly as he pulls away from you. He looks at you with narrowed eyes. "I'm not mocking you, you know?"

Your gaze flicks briefly to his. "Hm."

There was a short silence between you two, until you began to clean a cut on one of his legs. You noticed his gaze follow every movement of your fingers. "Why are you staring at me like that?"

"I'd prefer that you didn't ask questions so frequently, Teuila."

"Teuila?" You face him. "You know, I never asked you of this... But why do you call me that?" He lets out a deep chuckle and replies. "Because you look like Teuila. It fits well, doesn't it?" He flashes you a warm smile before turning his head away again.

You shrugged of his answer, continuing your work without saying anything further, although you were extremely curious. "Teuila... What does that word mean?" There's a brief moment of silence in between the two of you once you finished cleaning up the blood staining his leg. A faint smile plays across his lips again. "I thought you were better than that."

"And you think that you're better than me?"

"Yeah," he replies smugly.

"Then... You've obviously underestimated me, don't you?" You give him a challenging smirk. He returns the smile with a smirk of his own, but he then turns serious again. His eyes narrow. "Let me enlighten you. That name means 'flower'. Do you understand what kind of flower it means?"

You gave him a blank stare. He continues to smirk, waiting for you to understand his meaning. Eventually, you sigh, putting your hands on your hips. "Do I look like I care to know?" You scoff, rolling your eyes lightly.

Mauga laughs. "Well, I guess it doesn't matter what you think of it..."

There was silence between you two for a few seconds, and you looked away with furrowed brows.

You finish patching up the mercenary, placing some bandages around him and securing them securely. "Now that I finished helping you, you're dismissed." You professionaly said after you made sure that everything was covered properly. Mauga laughs at this. "Really? Now? Just like that?" He asks mockingly.

"Yes Mauga, I don't have any other duties besides tending to your wounds. I've been doing that for quite some time now," you responded coldly.

Mauga raises an eyebrow at this. "You know, if you start beginning to care about those wounds, you might find yourself losing them. If you want me to leave your clinic quickly, then you'll have to earn my trust first, which requires some work."

You sigh heavily. Of course Mauga will insist on making things difficult for you. "I am no doctor Mauga, I cannot cure your injuries." You sarcasticly said.

"Oh I know that. But you're still willing to take the risk." He chuckled.

"You wouldn't had to waste precious time coming here in order to talk shit."

Mauga laughs at you again, grinning like a cat that ate the canary. "I wouldn't waste too much time coming here either, but I also wouldn't be able to enjoy it quite as much because you'll be gone by then," he says confidently. "Besides, you're not exactly known for your patience." You roll your eyes, turning back to the table in front of you.

"You know I've always wondered what it feels like to be your patient," Mauga mused. "To be the one receiving the attention of the most skilled medic in your battalion."

"You must be joking," you replied, you know what he meant, not wanting to think that you would ever become his patient.

"No. You know me... " He grins. You groaned. "Don't' make such assumptions, we don't know each other all that well yet."

"Yet..."

You glared at him as he laughed. "Whatever. It seems like there's no stopping you, is there? We haven't even officially met yet, and already you're acting as if you have a good relationship with me." You sighed exasperatedly, massaging the area of your forehead in irritation.

"Listen, Mauga. My job is simple, I care for my patients and treat them well. Nothing more, nothing less."

"Oh yeah? Well, maybe I'm different," he said cockily.

"How? Are you not afraid of dying?"

"No... No I'm not... I've done so much more reckless things than death." His expression suddenly shifted to an emotionless one. For a moment, it felt almost as if he wasn't looking at you anymore. Then he chuckled softly, giving you a playful wink. "But I'm no saint."

"It must be hard to admit being human." You shook your head slightly.

"Sometimes." His grin returned to his features.

You couldn't help but stare directly into his eyes for a little longer, taking in how dark they actually are.

Mauga shows a huge plastered face. His still wearing his dumb smile.

You blinked at him.

He blinked back.

You rolled your eyes. "Stop smiling so much." He continued to laugh, as you turned away from him again. Mauga stood up and stretched lazily, "I have something to attend to, I'll be seeing you later," Mauga teasingly said as he made his way towards the door. He opens it, but he glances back.

A small smirk forms on his lips.

You watch him disappear outside the door, closing it behind him with a click. Once the door closes you let out a heavy sigh, resting your back against the wall behind you. Your heart is racing a mile, a minute, both at the prospect of having finally been alone with Mauga again, and the strange feeling within you after you spent several hours alone with him.

This feeling...

It's definitely not normal.

End of part 1

Part 2- ???

[yanderes-galore]

Romantic Yan! Mauga x gn!reader concept

I'D LOVE TO. He comes out on my birthday so this is a bit special for me/hj. Hope you enjoy my take on him! Here's me pouring general thoughts down ^^ (Love you for your Overwatch requests, istg).

If it sounds like I'm self-indulgent, I probably am, my bad.

Yandere! Mauga Concept

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Manipulation, Abuse of power, Kidnapping, Murder/Death, Threats, Intimidation, Violence, Possessive, Restraints, Dehumanization mentioned, Sadism, Forced relationship.

I feel like there's a lot of scary things about Mauga.

First of all, he's huge.

He's been augmented from a near death experience to be huge and powerful.

His name even means "mountain".

Then there's the fact he takes joy in doing what he does... literal murder for Talon.

He even is oddly chipper/chill with his language.

Even when threatening others he sounds so... excited? Friendly?

He seems so nice to be around... but he's still a murderer.

He'd act the same with you.

Mauga calls everyone "friend".

If he met you he'd immediately be overly friendly.

He'd call you friendly terms, like "friend", "buddy", and "pal".

But if he felt flirty he'd probably call you by some sort of nickname.

I'm not sure what he'd call you exactly but maybe "Teuila"? It's the national flower of Samoa (from what I saw)

He could also call you the classic nicknames such as "babe", "baby", "dear", "doll", etc.

It's just "Teuila" seems more unique to him.

Mauga is another one who likes the size difference between you.

It serves as a good way to intimidate you and he likes it.

Mauga is a sadistic sociopath who doesn't appear affected by the crimes he commits.

In fact he depicts himself as "carefree".

Mauga could be the type to slaughter innocents then look at you with a big grin.

He doesn't mind if you fear him.

He'd part of Talon... he loves the fear.

He knows he's a bad person and doesn't mind.

His apathy towards the life of others is what makes him terrifying.

He only really cares about you, his little Teuila.

If I'm correct, Mauga canonically has sharp teeth.

Which means he would certainly bite you.

He may also like to hold/manhandle you a bit.

He likes the power and size he has over you.

Oh, fighting him a bit?

How do you like being pinned to a wall?

In his obsession he is naturally rough.

Mauga likes to have everyone know you're his.

No one should touch you unless they want a Talon agent breathing down their neck.

You could be a civilian or a fellow member of Talon.

Doesn't matter to him.

He plans to keep you all the same.

Would take you to bars when he could find them.

He sees it as a way to bond, probably.

Mauga could isolate you, yet showing you off can be quite exciting.

A silent challenge for others to take what's his... so he can have an excuse to break their bones, most likely.

He isn't one for "messing with your mind" manipulation.

More like... brute force.

He doesn't want to intentionally hurt you.

It's mostly just enough to show his mark on you, not to break anything.

He knows you're fragile.

If you tried to escape this mountain of a man... good luck.

He found Baptiste with ease when he left Talon.

He can find you.

He'll hunt you down and pick you from wherever you plan on staying.

He deserves to have you in his eyes.

You may cry or scream, but any hit against hist chest just makes him chuckle.

Your hits tickle him... he finds it adorable.

His "Cage Fight" ability implies chains.

This is just being clever, but imagine as punishment he chains you to him?

Now you can't run... he'll just drag you.

If anything you begin to look like a pet to members of Talon.

But they allow it.

They don't need Mauga becoming a problem.

Obviously he is quite possessive.

Loves your touch, your warmth, in a weird way your smell.

He may mark you but tries to treat you as delicately as a flower.

Like the nickname he affectionately calls you....

Mauga doesn't care if you miss your family when he drags you back to him.

He feels things would be better if you forget them.

He may end up doing something bad if you don't... wouldn't want that now, would we?

Overall, Mauga is a powerful and possessive man.

He is unfazed by what he does to obtain you... even when it includes others losing their lives for helping you leave him.

Mauga loves the challenge... even finds it exciting.

[mostofthingsmostofthetime]

I finished the second episode of Heartstopper last night (wanted to post about it yesterday, but I was too tired from work), so here are some of my thoughts in no particular order for you now.

Good on Nick for checking up on Charlie after what happened. I found it odd, though, that he seemed more emotional about it than Charlie, but I guess they're in two very different places, mentally. One being 'why do I seem to like this guy way more than my other friends?' & the other being 'omg stop being so nice to me, your straight!' lol. Plus, I get that everyone deals with stuff in their own way & poor Charlie is probably so used to being mistreated that he might just be repressing the full weight of how his feeling as a copeing mechanism. It was also probably very cathartic to finally tell someone everything that happened between him & Ben (as I'm guessing he kept most if not all of it a secret from his friends & sister).

WE FINALLY MEET NELLIE!!!! And she is as cute as I'd hoped (though for some reason I expected her to be a different colour).

Sorry, Charlie, but Tori's right. Your hair looks exactly the same. Also, love that they kept the gag from the novel about her scaring him with her, always showing up suddenly without warning.

Nice to see that the outfits are on point for our boys so far with the plaid/black jeans (trying to impress someone, I see Charlie) & T-shirt/joggers (also what product is Miss Nelson using coz Nick's tops look soft as hell).

Wait, what season is it supposed to be because it looked really sunny when Charlie was walking to Nick's house (I know he was wearing a coat & hat but Charlie is always cold) but then suddenly it's snowing? Idk when Alice first came up with this story, but as a Brit, I haven't seen proper full on Snow since I was probably around eight years old. But hey, maybe in the Heartstopper universe, global warming doesn't exist.

I don’t care what anyone says, I will never get the fun of a snowball fight. If I go somewhere with a friend & they start throwing stuff at me, I'm leaving! Also, picking it up with your bare hands? One, it's been on the ground 🤢, and two, where are your gloves? Do you not feel the cold? Snow angles do look fun until I think about how my entire behind would be frozen/damp. Sorry if that makes me a "stick in the mud", I don't care 😝.

Damn, that is one photogenic dog & and aww, they already look like a couple. Also, give it up for Nick's freckles, the real star of the show 👏.

Omg, being in the same group as someone you hate must be so hard, but I get why Nick can't really say anything about what Ben did, at least not right now. Also, what is up with that Imogen girl? Mind your damn business.

I think it's good we get to see Elle longing for a bond with other girls that she just can't get from her male friend group. Makes her transition feel more fleshed out (for lack of a better word), you know?

Yay, we finally meet Tara & Darcy & they're exactly how I thought they'd be (except I imagined Darcy with brown hair for some reason). Ooh I didn't know Elle was artistic. I wanna decorate pencil cases now. Tara's pink puffa coat is so cute. What is up with adults dictating how long kids' hair can be? Like who gives a fuck! Also "gal pals" had me 😆.

Oh, thank god, it's just misinformation. For a second, I thought Tao was making shit up just to make Charlie get over his crush. Are kids really like that, though? I can't imagine kissing someone once & having people insist, I'm madly in love with them to this day, like move on already.

Ok, I officially really like the gay teacher, lol.

Love Charlie's sweater & Nick's coats are also very nice. Where are these kids getting their clothes? Coz I'm embarrassed by most of the stuff I wore as a teenager.

The big hoodie moment should be cute, but I just can't help thinking about how skinny Charlie is, which makes me ☹️.

Ok, so I didn't care much for the leaf animation in the first episode, but omg, the little fire crackles when Nick was trying to hold Charlie's hand? Screaming, crying, throwing up!!!!!!! & the hug before he left? Fucking crops watered for life, bitch!

Was digging Elle's outfit, very 70's vibes.

Ah, so their "secret" is out. Also obligatory: 🗣 LET'S GO LESBIANS LET'S GO 🗣

Can't wait for the next episode, but I practically passed out after watching episode 2 (manual labour is hard, kids 😭), so maybe I hallucinated, but did that Imogen girl ask Nick out? I thought she was daiting Ben? Or is that a different girl?

PS. I found out Aled won't be in the show, which I accept & the only reason I haven't talked about Isaac is because he hasn't really done much yet

[eresia-catara]

So, not trying to assume that Dante wasn’t straight but were he and Guido more than pals?? 😭

Diversity win! Your failed-friar poet and heretical philosopher are tangled in a tragic bromance!

but really, look. look. none of us here is assuming anything okay? but. none of us here is saying he was straight either alright? We can speculate both ways, considering the great margin of interpretation that sources leave us, but this is tumblr dot com no one wants to hear why Dante could be straight, so here is why he could not be (based on the philological and critical skills of someone who has NO authority + lots of essays I've read),,, under the cut.

I personally think it wouldn't be an unfathomable interpretation, seeing as there are elements that point to that; but I prefer to proceed with order, so let's first analyse Dante and Guido individually, and then together (otherwise my speech becomes a confusing ramble).

So, if we want to focus on what Dante ALONE tells us about his sexuality, we don't have many solid arguments. In general, the topic arises through his Comedy:

as we know, he put sodomites in Hell (Inf. XV-XVI). In it, we find three politicians (XVI), whom he speaks to with the formal voi (in english it's a plural you), instead of tu (singular you) which is informal and in Hell is used to basically look down on the damned; furthermore, this act of respect is strongly enouraged by Virgil before he speaks to them, and Dante expressedly says that, if it hadn't been for the raining fire, he would've gotten closer to them to hug them. So we can see that there isn't the usual disgust or harshness. This voi is also used for Brunetto Latini (XV), his teacher from youth, whom we know for certainty was a sodomite (thanks to a sonnet Latini wrote). The two have an affectionate conversation and Dante shows to profoundly respect the man. About this behaviour, Boccaccio, in his commentary on the Comedy, writes that since Dante showed compassion towards those sins of which he himself felt guilty of, perhaps he was a sodomite too. Now, I am not usually inclined to believe Boccaccio when talking about facts, but this does seem at least reasonable.

what people often ignore is that Dante put sodomites in Purgatory too. And what is more astonishing, is that he puts them right before the garden of Eden (instead of towards the bottom, seeing as Purgatorio is the mirrored version of Inferno), together with heterosexuals. Basically, the sin becomes not sodomy, but lust. This implies that he saw sodomy as 1) a forgivable sin (not an obvious statement, considering the changing society at the time) and 2) just as serious as heterosexual lust. However, there is a contradiction with Inferno, where they are distinct and sodomy is a lot worse that heterosexual lust (the former, as I've said, is found in the canti XV-XVI, the latter in canto V). This could be explained through the fact that homosexuality implies a sin against nature, which the other one doesn't have, but then we circle back to Purgatory, where they should be put further down as they have technically sinned more. Things don't add up, and when things don't add up, especially with Dante who was obsessed with symmetries and symbology, it has to make us raise our eyebrows. Who knows what little theological game he played in his mind to get to this conclusion? But more so, why did he play in the first place?

From the social point of view, Dante was more traditional, which at the time meant being more accepting of homosexuality; in fact, it is towards the XIVth century that judges start burning sodomites at the stake, pressured by the burgeoisie which Dante despised, while before they usually only imposed a fine, and Florence in particular was more tolerant than the rest of Italy.

Now, with Guido things are different. We have objectively less material to work with, but what we have is less vague. First of all, Dino Compagni (politician, poet, writer, collegue of Guido inside the Commune for a while) in his Chronica tells us Corso Donati had given him a nickname, 'cavicchia', which can be interpreted as 'passive sodomite'. But sure, Corso was his number one enemy, of course he'd say that. Okay, but his wife's brother says the same, in a different way. Guido basically writes a poem about a shepherdess having sex with him and his brother in-law slips in and goes 'Look. just admit it was a guy. I talked to a guy who confirmed this.' But let's be picky and say he was joking. it's just satyre between family members. Okay. But then there's this correspondence with Guido Orlandi (a friend) in which they debate about a statement our Guido had made in a poem, with which Orlandi did not agree, and they insult each other. A critic once suggested there was a double meaning to the correspondence, because the terms used and the phrasing suggested a second layer of interpretation, that is, one in which Orlandi, among the many things, accuses Guido of being....a passive sodomite! Or...a bisexual man! (bi win!). If I remember correctly (forgive me I cannot check the exact words right now), he said something along the lines of 'when you can't get the ladies you turn to the men' or 'when you can't get the young men, you turn to the older ones', it depends on the interpretation, but anyway the preference for a passive role was in both. Yes, you could argue he was in need of insults, he made them up merely to be offensive! But the same insult from three different men, with three different relationships with Guido? Finally, going back to his shepherdess poem, he DID write that it was the shepherdess who led him under the tree, when usually it is the man! And mind you, this type of poem has a vast tradition in provencal poetry, there was a clear code to follow that Guido knew perfectly...and decided to ignore. And if we consider him an atheist and nobleman, he didn't even have religious or social motives to be against sodomy. Heck, he probably didn't giva a fuck.

So let's consider the final question: were Guido and Dante more than pals for life? It seems that Dante spent his 20s and 30s among queer men, in a notoriously queer space that is the literary field. It seems that the two most important figures in his life, two teachers, were not so straight, just like...who? Virgil? Dante knew Virgil's Bucolics full well, he knew Virgil was not straight. So is it a coincidence that we can make extensive parallelisms not only between Virgil and Guido, but also between Virgil, Guido and Brunetto Latini? All three of them teachers, poets, deeply admired and respected by Dante, none of them are judged, they were all benevolent towards him, all queer (specifically, two out of three are certainly queer). Dante himself says most of the damned in the circle of sodomites were clergymen and intellectuals. As I have said, there are no coincidences with Dante, that little freak calculated everything (I say this with affection). And if we shift towards Guido's perspective, the sonnet addressed to Dante 'I vegno il giorno a te infinite volte reads like a true break up poem. Guido says 'I come to you [Dante] infinite times a day but in a way that you can't see me', a.k.a. 'I think of you constantly even if you don't know it'. I mean. you can't really deny much with this statement. An important critic tried to interpret it as the god Love talking to Dante, but another respected critic accused a contradiction in the resulting meaning of the poem, with which I tend to agree (I will not dive into it because this post is already long), so the only redeeming hypothesis falls.

In the end we don't have exactly concrete proofs, but at the same time the fact that there are all these details, all these arguments that are coherent with each other, mathematically speaking, make it probable that not only this is a real, concrete question, but also that it could be the truth. Alas, we would still need more informations which we will likely not have :0

Hope this post helped! At the end of the day, no one can stop you from making love win on tumblr dot com 🌈

[heleciacrow]

Unpredictable Outcome

AU Resurrected Heimdall x Reader

This was inspired by @silvergoldraeven that wrote AU Heimdall resurrected HC. I really love their story how everything went well after he lived(at least in our dreams. I'm still butthurt he died in the post-game.) And this gave me an idea for a plot. I'll be writing more soon too. Happy reading 💕🌹

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

The day he was resurrected was uncanny, Atreus being a kind hearted boy made it clear that he no longer needs to fight for anyone or anything for that matter. All he has to do is to enjoy this new life that was given to him and he appreciates that.

Everyone accepted him, even though he was one of those people who tried to harm them. He learned many things that were just good...to him. Learning new ways of how he can interact, how to follow rules and praises when needed. This bears in mind that he can more than just foresight and prediction, he may still be a jerk most of the time but the new family he found shows greatness at his worst part in there.

Kratos being a good father figure to him is something that he never knew he'll find, a father that he wanted when Odin was alive. Atreus is the brother he learned to love, carrying that along his new life, Mimir the great uncle who gives him advice when Kratos is not around, Freya the great step-mother that shows great love to him like her own son. Baldur is also one of the Great parts that was added recently and finally accepts one another once more. But let me add one more that adds greatness in his new life and that is none other than you.

He found you greatly appreciative of him, it might take a while for you to accept him when he was brought back by Atreus after being resurrected but as time goes by, the two of you were starting to warm up to each and learn new things together.

You are Atreus sibling by blood, Kratos and your younger brother tried their best to convince you to get along with Heimdall even though you knew what he had done in the past. However, you gave in when Atreus gave you a long hug and did not let go of you until you agreed to give the Aesir God a chance.

One thing you started to like about Heimdall is when he would give a half-ass remarks at Atreus being the 'big brother' of his when Kratos introduced him to people for the first time. Which did not sit well with you at all, well don't get me wrong, you're happy that there's a new added family, although Heimdall has something hidden from the rest of you.

He was a good companion when hunting together while Kratos, Mimir and Atreus would go somewhere else for Sindri(which he finally accepted Brok's death and finally forgiving Atreus.) In Heimdall's eyes, he felt heavier emotions towards you, the way your hair would brush and wave through the wind, the smile you give when he hit the deer when hunting and small praises that leaves his heart skipping a beat. He finds himself staring intently at you most of the time, not creepy at all. He cherishes those moments with you more than with Kratos when he goes with him when you're not available. But it didn't falter him since he enjoys hunting with his new Father. However, most of the time when they would chat here and there, it's Heimdall's questions about you to Kratos. It would leave our old pal confused for a moment but he did not question it. One time, Mimir pointed out when they're tracking the deer "Say, Lad, I know this might come off a bit personal. But you seem very fond of Y/n." Heimdall stiffens on his feet while tracking their target for the day, Kratos stares at his back "W-why are you asking, old goat? We were just getting along." He responded, a chuckle was heard from Kratos when he finally realized what Mimir is trying to target towards the Aesir God. "It is fine to ask about your new 'sibling', it might help to make your bond stronger." Mimir agreeing with Kratos made Heimdall feel the heat creeping up to his face "I...well they're...you know...great?" For the first time in Heimdall's life, he is stuttering, he never stutters, he always had something smart to say but this very moment made him blank "Oi, I think we broke the lad, brother." Mimir laughs, Heimdall not liking the fact he's being teased "Why would I even ask you...?" He muttered and went on the hunt again.

But even when they're finally back to Sindri's home, Baldur went to help Kratos carry the buck that was hunted. You and Freya would check the greenery she built behind the house, Heimdall's eyes went to you and he stopped. Oh how your eyes sparkle with glee, how it makes his heart beat faster than his movement in battle. Thinking of you more than just a renowned sibling, he wanted something else. He felt dejected knowing that Kratos would always introduce them as 'siblings' he exhaled through his nose deeply but wasn't unnoticed by Tyr, the Norse God of War stood next to Heimdall and checked who he was staring at. "Is something bothering you, young man?" Heimdall just shook his head as he put his left hand on his hip "Nothing... Just... Thinking." Unexpectedly for Tyr that he's in deep thought, never in millennia that he would find him liking this.

After hours of staring (not creepily) at you, he finally has had it. He wanted to understand what he felt and went to seek Kratos for advice. "You are confused about your feelings?" He questions, Heimdall is curled up in blankets not wanting to show how embarrassed he is for asking this "I might say, he's probably lovesick at this moment, brother." Mimir commented, Heimdall pulled off the blanket from his head causing his braid to mess up and sat up quickly to glare at the talking head "Lovesick? I am a god! I can't get sick!" He retorted, Mimir laughing loudly at the messed up Heimdall "Poor lad not getting what I meant."

"I do not get sick, old goat! How can you tell?" He asked but he's desperate to know what makes him feel this way, truly he is fond of you and Kratos finally sat down next to Heimdall's bed "You can tell us what you feel." He encouraged him and Heimdall went full blown to explain everything to them.

After ranting about all his thoughts and earning a grunt of understanding from Kratos, Heimdall laid back down on his bed and covered his face with the blanket once more, he felt hotter when he finally let out everything and Kratos finally got the conclusion "I see..." His only response was that, seeing how Heimdall might have fallen in love with you without him knowing it completely "You are inlove, Heimdall." Peeking his head out to look at Mimir after he said that, he put his hand on his chest "How can you say?" "Well, you said you felt your breath taking away from when you see them, you enjoy their company, and mostly you seek for their presence when they're not around at all and lastly you do not like anyone else talking to her unless they're friends or family, did you not?" He nodded, now it clicked to him. He is indeed in love "Can I speak to them about this?" Heimdall asked "Kratos?" Mimir turned his eyes to Kratos and looked forward "There's one thing you can try rather than talking. We have a tradition from my homeland... If a man is involved with such emotion towards a woman, they declare that by throwing an apple towards them... If the person catches the apple means they accept the feelings of the other...romantically." he explained, Heimdall nod at him "will you try it?" "It would be a waste of apple if they don't catch it..." Kratos added.

It has been weeks after the talk he had with them, Heimdall is in a pickle and does not know if he can even do the throwing without getting nervous. His heart would burst and his mind would race, telling him that he had to do it. 'what if they don't like him that way? Will that destroy what they have now?' he even turned off his mind reading, so he doesn't know if you would think of him that way. He kept walking back and forth, Atreus was watching him with his father "what's wrong with him?" He asked "He's waiting for the right moment." He can pick up your footsteps, and yes he is counting them. He can tell how close you are, he's ready. He's throwing away his prideful self, he's gonna do it. As soon as the portal lights up, he pulls out an apple from his little pouch and waits for you to enter first and as soon he saw you, he feels his body shaken.

From a distance, Mimir muttering of encouragement for Heimdall "go on, lad. You have nothing to lose." With a short breath, Heimdall called for you "Y/n... Catch." Throwing the apple in the air towards your way, time seems to slow down. You raise your gaze towards the apple flying towards you and put down your weapon to the ground to use both hands to catch it, once the apple landed to your hand perfectly, you look up to see Heimdall looking hopeful when he sees you catching. It took you a moment to realize this as you learned from Kratos homeland and your face started to heat up "Are...you serious?" You asked hesitantly, you were about to doubt this but his Bifrost eyes stared at you with the most sincerity and for the first time he is not playing around "You mean it?" He nod, grinning you held the apple close to your heart and started to tear up "I thought I'm just the only one..." You muttered softly, but he heard you. He looked over to where Kratos is and he gave him a nod of approval towards his declaration for his oldest child, he felt elated and walked towards you as you did so, letting yourself be engulfed by his arm, finally having a chance to be with him as yours and you as his.

Extended ended :

Two winters have passed, Kratos, Heimdall, Atreus and you were in the middle of the trading town. Some already know who you were but when they asked Kratos about you all, he goes

"These are my children and my son-in-law.and and my oldest's brother in-law" And Heimdall never felt so proud to call you his forever.

"Baldur, don't put a copper in your mouth!" What a fine day to live.

[raccoon-crown]

DREAM LAND AU: I can eat anything.

There's this ocasión, when both Kirby Amy and Meta Sonic reached a truce (If ya have played Kirby Superstar, ya know they next time those two meet after they first encounter they had quite a fight that basically destroyed the Halbarda but we'll talk about it later), and once things seemed settled, Meta Sonic had the intention at some point to invite Kirby Amy to dine with him.

However, thinking about it and doing it were totally different things, so he tried a different approach: Sending a dessert/lunch on his regard.

And for that task he sent his trusted friend in his behalf to investigate the most suitable option for his peace offering.

In other words, he sent Tails to asked her what her favorite food or dessert was, something the fox couldn't refuse but wasn't so sure to do since he had only saw the pink hedgehog as an enemy before the truce and didn't quite trusted her yet.

But... she also was the one who managed to unmask his friend not once but twice, something that he would have never thought that would change his brother behavior before.

Man, he didn't even knew that Meta Sonic could blush before!

So he did his best.

When he found her napping under the sun, he was surprised of how relaxed she looked, she definitely didn't seem as fearless as she was the last time they meet. Though that didn't change the fact that waking her up almost made him draw his spear out.

What he didn't expect was the she only woke up a little fuzzy before greeting him like they were good old pals. Whatever this Kirby girl had in mind was a mystery.

But since she was in such a good mode, the little fox did his best and explained that he was there cause he didn't expressed her his thanks for giving his brother a chance and that he wanted to know if she had any kind of favorite food, and he even insisted when she said it wasn't necessary.

-Oh, don't worry about it - she confessed - I can eat literally anything.

He didn't understand what she meant by 'eat anything' but took for granted that she was okey with any option (something that made him feel relieves for some reason). So he passed the news to the knight right after leaving the pink hedgehog, who also turned to be a quite kind person in the end.

Even if they didn't clearly understand why she said literally, they didn't give it a single thought (they didn't knew her bracelets were not really her main way of absorbing skill but it didn't matter in that moment)

Next thing that happened was that the pinky hedgehog ended up getting a strawberry cake the next week with a Thank you note on it.

[eyndr-stories]

To Be Alive (FNAF SB fanfic) C2 - Extreme Bumper Cars

In summary:

At long last, the thrilling continuation of 'To Be Human'! There are more shenanigans for Star and co to get up to, and new horrors to be subjected to! Not to mention, Eclipse is still at large and up to no good... As 'To Be Human' is a self contained stand-alone story, one could very well choose to leave the adventure as is! Considering there are some heavier themes in this one (biggest thing here being death, specifically) that's exactly what I would recommend you do if you like everything very much the way it ended in 'To Be Human'. This story is an exploration of a few ideas I wanted to work with left over from the first story, and a way to tie up some very minor loose ends, as well as a return to some characters and a world I had a lot of fun with.

Things To Know:

Reader insert! Y/N is not used and gender is not specified, though the reader does have a blorbo-appointed name (Star)

Non-specified relationships between reader and Sun & Moon, this can be read as pals, family, partners, whatever you like, totally up to your interpretation

Sun & Moon are separate bots and referred to with gender neutral pronouns

The reader and other characters are often in mortal peril! This world is full of Funky Creatures (other than you) and some of them attack and hurt several characters, including the reader character

Some blood and minor gore

Occasional swearing

Death

(as always, let me know if I should add anything!)

Ao3 link: Right here!

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

C2 - Extreme Bumper Cars

     "WHAT."

     You turned to Monty, who'd grabbed your shoulder.

     "Mind running that by me one more time??" Monty asked, his voice unnaturally high.

     "I don't want you all to worry," you started, patting Monty's arm. "We found out a little while ago."

     "How? Why??" Foxy questioned, sounding just as concerned as everyone else looked.

     "Well…" Sun spoke up, all four hands folded into tight pairs. "As you know, the air is clean of the toxic chemicals from the asteroid that killed the last humans left on Earth. However, as we've discovered, the earth itself is not. The toxins were absorbed into the ground. Every plant, every new organic creature born after the asteroid contains some of the same toxin, which Moon and I theorize is how some mutations in some of the animals occurred as well. The toxin is deadly to humans, as we know. It is, unfortunately, everywhere. In all the food Star needs to eat, and the water they need to drink."

     "We're working on a cure, of course. We've been working very hard, and making good progress, it's just… painfully slow going," Moon added, their voice tinged with impatience.

     "…" Monty stared at you intently. You couldn't read his expression.

     "Hon, I'm so sorry," Chica offered quietly.

     You shook your head. Everyone was worried about you, they were all upset, and that wasn't what you wanted. "It's alright. Listen, everything dies eventually. Even if I wasn't at risk of dying soon, just by being human, I wouldn't live as long as any of you by a long shot anyways. It's really not so bad."

     "Oh. Oh no," Freddy mumbled.

     Monty pulled you into a hug. Even as he nearly crushed you into putty, you could see that everyone was sad now. Foxy put their hand on their head and leaned back against the counter. Bonnie looked close to tears and was gripping Freddy's hand tightly. Even Roxy looked upset.

     Dammit. That was supposed to have made things better. Fuck.

     "Like Moon said, we're working hard on a cure! And we really have been making progress, so lets not loose hope just yet. Star's going to be just fine," Sun stated, sounding a little strained.

     "The cure would also help any humans who might decide to return to Earth some day. And from their research they're also learning more about the creatures in the forest too! So everyone will be safer," you added. The good news and assurances seemed to raise everyone's spirits a little, so you went on. "Please don't be sad. You're my friends, I don't want any of you to be sad. Like Sun and Moon said, they're working really hard, so I'm sure they'll have a cure in no time and everything will be fine."

     "We can't help caring about ya. You're right though, no sense in getting our wires in a bunch just yet." Foxy straightened up and gave you a gentle pat on the head.

     Monty reluctantly released you from his crushing hug. "You better make it out alright, you hear me?"

     "I'll try my best," you said. All this attention and concern and care was getting to be too much. "Lets all go see Roxy's race, okay?"

     The group all agreed, brightening up for what you suspected was your sake. You hoped the race would get everyone in better spirits. Together, you all closed up shop and headed out as a group towards the other end of town. You stowed your new notebook and pens away in your bag, and your ukulele had a handy strap on it that allowed you to carry it over your back with your bag.

     The streets became more and more populated the farther in you went. You had your hood up and were surrounded by your friends, so you didn't draw too much attention. Sun and Moon, on the other hand, did draw a few eyes. After publishing their research and findings around you and the history of what happened to the humans, they'd become celebrities, to some degree. Especially in the human fanatic circles.

     Despite your disguise, you still found yourself the center of attention once or twice along the way. Usually bots would spot Sun and Moon first, and then would notice you, their famous human creation. You didn't mind the attention very much, didn't even mind the questions bots would ask you about humans and human culture. These bots were just excited and never meant any harm. And, admittedly, all the adoration and amazement was nice too. Roxy seemed to be getting annoyed at having to stop, though. The others didn’t mind, especially Bonnie and Freddy, who seemed to be off in their own little world when they weren’t in the shop. They were holding hands and smiling and chatting with each other quietly, laughing occasionally.

     "Maybe we should get disguises as well," Moon muttered after politely excusing themself from a pair of boxy one-eyed bots who reluctantly rolled away on heavy duty wheels. Both bots looked to have had a paint job done recently, sporting bright blue and yellow colors.

     "Oh please, you love the attention," Sun teased.

     Moon scoffed. "I just don't mind that no one looks down on us anymore. We're viewed as legitimate scientists now."

     "We were legitimate scientists before, regardless of what anyone said," Sun pointed out.

     "Yes, yes." Moon waved them off. "In any case, Eclipse could have eyes anywhere."

     Sun nodded. "We can look into disguises later."

     The lot of you made it to the race track without issue. It was Roxy's turn to draw attention now. A lot of bots here knew her as a racer, and she had quite a few fans. Working downhill through the crowd and towards the track was slow going as Roxy proudly greeted each and every fan. Bots of all types were gathered here, on the edge of town between the track and the buildings and bustling streets. You couldn't help but stare, especially since all the attention was on Roxy, and no one would really notice your ogling. A lot of bots were similar in design, but with modifications and paint being as accessible as they were, no two bots looked the same. As far as general models go, you'd learned to recognize three distinct types.

     There were bots that looked to have been made solely for specific jobs or tasks, for instance a particularly tall bot who stood out in the crowd, towering over everyone with thick telescopic limbs and wide hand-like appendages, who you guessed was good with construction, lifting heavy things up higher than most could reach. You nearly ran into a different bot, someone smaller than you, with a blur of small limbs folding in and out as they navigated the crowd, each limb fixed with dozens of fine little tools, clearly made for detail work of some sort.

     Slightly less common were bots like the repair gang, modeled after animals and ancient creatures. These types of bots were, as you'd been told, some of the very first models ever built, their accessible blueprints left by the humans making them easy to build more of and improve on. These bots tended to serve any manner of different roles in society, going where they were needed, their designs being more adaptable, albeit less specialized.

     Least common were bots like Sun and Moon. These bots resembled humans the most, having originally been crafted in their likeliness. Although, as Sun and Moon had told you, they'd gotten a few mods in their time, the biggest change from their original design being an extra pair of arms. These humanoid bots, as you'd been told, had been built from prototypes and early stage creations from humans figuring out how to build the first iterations of sentient bots. These bots tended to be more complex, their blueprints less clear and less accessible. A large part of their design included the technology that made them self sustaining, energy producing robots. As you'd been told, reverse engineering the tech and figuring out how to make every bot self sustaining was extremely difficult not only because of how rare these bots were, but also because to make any actual progress on this research, a volunteer bot would need to be deactivated. Needless to say, focusing on alternatives like renewable energy were far more preferable.

     You were pulled from your thoughts as you and your friends found a spot close to the track, at the front of the crowd. A short concrete wall was all that separated you from looping dirt roads. Everyone wished Roxy luck as she departed, hopping the wall and heading out onto the track towards the warehouse turned garage at its center. Seated atop this building, looking out over the entire track and the crowd was the race's moderator, an enormous bot everyone called the DJ. They would provide fast paced and energetic music during the race, as well as move any wrecked vehicles off the track with their extendable limbs and claw-like hands. The first time you'd come to see a race, you'd been warned about the DJ's associate, a miniature version of the DJ who was allegedly no taller than your knee. The mini DJ would scurry throughout the crowds and rob distracted bots of any valuables and loose batteries during the race.

     Speaking of the DJ, their music started up, signaling the race was starting soon. The crowd settled and pressed towards the wall surrounding the track.

     You pat your hands excitedly along the top of the wall. You ignored the headache pounding dully at your skull and focused instead on the music.

     Ten vehicles all lined themselves up at the starting line as the music thrummed with enough force to shake the pants around your legs. You could easily see Roxy's car from here, with its neon green painted metal ring encircling it, a sturdy barrier between Roxy and the other vehicles.

     "Woo!! You got this Roxy!!!" Chica cheered beside you.

     Out on the line, you could see Roxy's hand pop out of the open top of her car. She gave a quick wave, and then the music began to build as the DJ readied their giant flag.

     The DJ gave their flag a little spin, then brought the flag down sharply, exactly on time with the beat drop, and the race began.

     Vehicles tore away from the starting line, leaving a cloud of purple dust in their wake. Roxy looked to be squarely in the middle, where most of the chaos was happening. The bumper around her car kept her from getting crushed between something that looked like a tank, and another vehicle with three connected segments.

     Three cars were out of the race before the first bend. One looked to have been caught in some kind of tar spillage, and the DJ was having some trouble plucking it off the track. They'd already taken the other two vehicles off the track, one having spun off and hit the wall around the garage. The other had flipped and rolled, but you could see its driver fuming outside the wreckage, angrily kicking at their totaled vehicle.

     Back in the race, Roxy was steadily pulling ahead. She hugged the curves tightly, her car drifting smoothly around tighter turns. She was neck and neck with what looked like a cannon on wheels.

     "If she gets ahead of that cannon, she'll be in it's range," Chica said.

     "Is that allowed?? A canon for a car?" you asked, struggling to project over the music and the cacophany of noise form the track.

     "Aye, there’s no rule against it," Foxy told you.

     Monty added, "There are actually very few rules in racing! It’s the best."

     Speaking of the canon car, it fired a cannonball at a car ahead of it. The car was very small and nimble, running on only three wheels, and had been doing a great job of dodging and weaving around the chaos of colliding cars. The small car narrowly avoided getting crushed under the cannonball. The canon car swerved around their cannonball. The car tailing behind them wasn’t as quick, and collided with the cannonball. The DJ quickly pulled the car off the track.

     Roxy pulled ahead as the canon car was loading up another cannonball. She had almost passed the smaller car when the tank from before swerved, slamming into Roxy's bumper ring. The tank didn't let up, the massive machine easily shoving Roxy's smaller car along until it was pinned between the tank and the outer wall. The friction with the wall forced Roxy's car to slow, and she fell back behind the tank.

     "Oh no, she's in range of the canon-!" Chica yelled.

     The cannon fired, cannonball crashing right into Roxy's bumper ring, narrowly missing the car itself. The cannonball tore off the left half of her ring, which rolled and tumbled as it tore away, and ended up flying right into the canon car. The debris threw the massive canon off balance. The car careened to the side, tipped, and rolled. It took out another car as it fell out of the race, then was carried off to the garage by the DJ.

     Four cars left. Roxy was still in it, though her car looked a little off balance and would tilt dangerously if she turned to the right a little too fast. Which was bad news, as a sharp right curve was coming up, the last loop before the final stretch to the finish line.

     The segmented car was currently in the lead, though the small nimble car was gaining on it. Roxy was alongside the tank again, which was already veering to try and crush her car against the outer wall again.

     At the last moment, Roxy hit the brakes, quickly falling behind the tank and pulling around the other side of it as the tank slammed into the wall, and kept going. The tank crashed right through the outer barrier, its treads getting caught up on the concrete as it rolled over the wall. Rubble from the barrier clogged up the treads, and the tank was out of the race. Roxy wasn't out of trouble yet, though; the turn was upon her.

     Roxy's car spun, and for a moment, you thought it might be finally careening out of control, but it only spun one-eighty degrees. Roxy quickly shifted gears, and she was suddenly driving backwards, with the half of the bumper still in tact now facing the outer edge of the turn. She made the turn with ease without tipping.

     The crowd went wild at the stunt. You could barely hear the music for a moment over the cheers. Chica was jumping up and down excitedly next to you, Monty and Sun were both yelling, Foxy was laughing with amazement, Freddy and Bonnie were cheering, even Moon looked impressed.

     It wasn't over yet, though. The segmented car and the nimble car were neck and neck, and Roxy was still gaining. The finish line was in sight.

     The nimble car slowed slightly. It came up beside the segmented car, lining up right with the contracting accordion connecting the first two segments together. The cars were close enough now that you could see the driver of the nimble car pop up, their arm wound back for a punch. They launched a spring loaded fist right into the accordion connecting the segments of the other car. The accordion shuddered and snapped, and the segments collided together, the force too much for the back segment to handle alone. The car careened to the side and rolled, nearly taking out Roxy, who'd come up right behind. She swerved, still driving backwards. She was quickly gaining on the nimble car, and it looked like the nimble car couldn't work up enough speed to outpace her.

     "It's gonna be close!" Chica said.

     Roxy was starting to pass the smaller car, moving up along its right side. The smaller car had other plans, though. The driver popped up again as the nimble car drifted closer to Roxy, no bumper on that side to stop them.

     Roxy spun again, managing to pull off the stunt quick enough to nail the other car with the bumper as it spun around, colliding with the smaller car. The smaller car was knocked away before the driver could throw their punch, and while the driver managed to swerve and keep the car from crashing, they lost a great deal of ground in the process, falling behind Roxy's car, just as it flew past the finish line.

     The music switched to a celebratory tune, and the crowd erupted in cheers. Roxy's car rolled to a stop a short ways away, and she jumped out and climbed up on top, facing the crowd and raising two triumphant fists, flashing a proud grin.

     You yelled and cheered along with your friends, heart still pounding from the excitement. Roxy ran over to greet everyone after graciously accepting her winning medal. She looked even happier to receive a big hug from Chica.

     You grinned at all your friends, all of them happy and excited. Monty and Foxy were exclaiming excitedly with Roxy about the sick stunts she'd pulled, Freddy had lifted Bonnie in a celebratory hug and was spinning him around, Sun and Moon were congratulating Roxy on a race well won. You smiled and took it all in, wanting to hold this moment in your mind for as long as you were able.

     The moment kept you in high spirits, even as you said farewell to everyone and departed for the lab. It even kept you in high spirits through the whole walk home, even though you had to stop a lot more than usual to rest. You just couldn't seem to catch your breath.

     This didn’t go unnoticed by Sun and Moon. They sat with you in what you were calling the living room of your little home, that little area near the door with the chairs. You sat yourself in the nearest chair the moment you were through the door, barely managing to get your backpack off before doing so. Your two solar themed companions sat as casually as they could, though you thought they still looked uncomfortable.

     Sun looked at Moon, who looked back at Sun, who sighed.

     “So, Star,” Sun started. “How are you… feeling?”

     “Tired,” you replied honestly. It felt like you couldn’t take in enough air. The walk had left you entirely exhausted, though you were trying to hide it, breathing through your nose.

     “Right. But how are you doing, Star?” Moon asked.

     “…Oh.” You paused, looking away. “You mean like… with everything?”

     “Yes,” Moon confirmed, and Sun nodded.

     “Oh, I’m fine. I’m alright, not too stressed or anything,” you said.

     Moon and Sun both stared at you, clearly disbelieving.

     You sighed. “Alright. Yeah, I’m…I know I’ve faced my mortality before. Heck, I nearly died a few days ago when I fought off that big bird creature. But still, I… I don’t wanna die. I’m… scared.” You thought about the humans in the catacombs. This must have been how they felt. Like it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t your fault you were dying, there was nothing you could do about it. You’d done everything right, but it didn’t matter. You were still dying, and it wasn’t fair. It was terrifying, and there wasn’t anything to be done about the fear. No forest monster to fight off or flee from and be done with it. You just had to sit with it.

     “I can’t imagine how hard this is for you. If there’s anything we can do to make it easier, let us know. And we’re going to keep working, okay? We’re going to find a cure,” Sun stated.

     “I’ve been compiling and sorting through notes in my head all day,” Moon said. “I’m sure Sun has been too. Even when we’re not working, we’re still working. It won’t be long now before we figure something out.”

     “Right.” You tried to let that assure you. You still hated the feeling that it was entirely out of your hands. You thought again about the humans in the catacombs. “It’ll be good to have a cure for the other humans too, if they ever come back to Earth. I would hate for the people in the catacombs to have all died saving the world just for the world to turn around and wipe out all the humans.”

     “We’ll find the cure, that’s for certain,” Sun assured. “It’s just a matter of… doing it quickly enough for you to have a long and healthy and happy life, like you deserve.”

     Moon got to their feet. “I think my circuits are going to fry if I keep sitting around. I’ll be down in the lab.” Moon paused beside your chair. They gave your shoulder a gentle squeeze, then carried on towards the door.

     “I’ll join Moon in a moment. First, I can make you some food. And then you should get some rest, alright?” Sun sprang to their feet as well, heading for the kitchen.

     “Alright.” Normally you’d argue and try to stay up, but you really were tired.

     As Sun moved around in the kitchen behind you, your eyes fell on the ukulele you'd set down with your bag. You picked it up and adjusted in your chair, getting comfortable. You started to play around with it, just enjoying the act of noise making.

     Before long, you were actually feeling a little better about things. You weren't sure what it was, but just something about having a little bit of fun really softened the fears.

     You played around with the ukulele until it was time to eat. Sun left to join Moon down in the lab, but not before wishing you a happy birthday. After you finished eating, you clambered up onto one of the top bunks, bringing your bag and all your things up with you.

     You stayed up for a while longer than you should have, testing out your pens in your new notebook. You doodled silly things, your friends, leaves and plants and creatures from the forest, and you practiced writing in that language all the bots used, and all the languages your brain could recall. Everything was rough and wobbly with your unpracticed hands, but the colors were nice and you were having fun.

     When you finally drifted off to sleep, your dreams were calm and kind and restful. All things considered, you'd had a pretty great birthday after all.

[eagna-eilis]

I'm finally enjoying Ahsoka!

This recent episode really did it for me, not sure why. If it had not I wouldn't have enjoyed the ending reveal.

Some thoughts...

- I really ship Lil Blondey with Sabine. Maybe it's because their combined eyeshadow game could take over the galaxy. Maybe it's just how queer-coded Live Action Sabine feels to me. Maybe it's because the red bladed baddie chased the gun shooting goody through a forest and in my mind that's where the best SW romances start

- Hera Syndulla continuing her habit of bringing children into space battles. 10/10 Space Mom.

- I enjoy the emphasis on Sabine and Ezra as siblings. No shade to my lovely Sabezra shipping pals, but he always felt to me like her annoying little brother that she'd do anything for.

- the map is serving so much KOTOR. Anything that has KOTOR vibes makes me happy. I don't even care that it's a map quest, I just love the aesthetic very much.

- if anything bad happens to a single green hair on my little petal Jacen's head there will be hell to pay. I love him. Not as much as I love Grogu and loth cats but I love him. I want to ruffle his green mop.

- 'mom... I have a bad feeling...' said with such earnestness, omg, my sweet boy. I'm sad Kanan never met him.

- Rosario seems to have finally found her rhythm with the character. When she picks up the map ball gadget and lets out a cry, it sounds more like emotional anguish than pain. It feels like a reaction to the mention of Anakin, and I enjoyed this choice very much.

- Lil Blondey saying 'you have no power' to Sabine before Sabine clocks her one with a Mando dart is awesome. 'No power? Really? Try MY ENTIRE CULTURAL HERITAGE for power!!'

- Ahsoka fucking up on Sabine during the Night of a Thousand Tears is also a great development. Feels right. Not sure why.

- The World Between Worlds looks very beautiful in live action. It would look even more beautiful on a cinema screen with a confused dark-haired man waking up there to be told by the ghosts of his ancestors that he has to go back to the realm of the living, JUST SAYING.

- Hayden keeps getting better looking as he gets older, so the de-ageing is a bit whatever, but OMG THERE HE IS. HAYDEN AS ANAKIN. I don't fancy him, I never did, but I have such intense affection for his face. Seeing Hayden age is like seeing Anakin age the way he might have if not for Palpatine, which is why I'm kinda meh on running him through the computers to smooth him out. But I also really love his voice, I always did, I just feel such love for the slight hint of Canada in the second vowel sound of Ahsoka's name when he says it. I am delighted that Hayden is getting to do more with his character than his oft-mocked work in the PT.

- Seeing Anakin in the WBW just makes me wish he was in TROS.

- CARSON TEVA IS HERE. Idk why, maybe it's just he has such a kind face and amiable demeanor but I'm always pleased to see him.

- I'm still kinda sad that the show is suggesting that Sabine doesn't see Hera as her family. Hera half raised Sabine. Her attitude of 'Guess I'm just adopting two teenagers and a furry purple dude' is just very inspirational to me as somebody who doesn't want to biologically reproduce or do parenthood in a traditional way, and I would really like to see Hera's open-hearted and loving nature get the respect it deserves.

-I'm glad we haven't gotten Thrawn at all. You know why? I don't actually care about him. I have no attachment to the old EU, and I have never rated my Star Wars based on how 'awesome' or 'badass' it is, because I don't have a penis for a brain. When he does show up it will have maximum impact and I appreciate this.

[vdlest]

You matter

Characters:

Bucky Barnes x Girlfriend!Reader

Summary:

You and Bucky together with the other Avengers went to Florida for a mission. When your ex-suitor were also in the same area, your boyfriend, Bucky Barnes, is triggered by your ex's words. How can you make him feel better?

Warning:

Jealousy

A little bit of smut

Swearing

You and the rest of the Avengers are staying in the safehouse for a few days now. This mission lasts longer than you think. But since you are in a mission with your Bucky, everything seems alright. However, things became off-handed between you and Bucky upon the arrival of your ex-suitor, Frank, who is currently working under Stark Industries.

It turns out that Frank has been living in Florida for quite some time now, so Stark thought he'd be useful to this mission. On the other hand, you haven't seen Frank since high school and you must admit that you also liked him back then, but that's not important anymore since you're happy with your relationship with Bucky.

Speaking of Bucky, the guy clearly doesn't like Frank that much. He hates it when he is too confident when talking to you and the rest of the team. It's like he's showing you that he is better than Bucky, but you have no care or concern about how he thinks. All that matters to you are your work as an Avenger, your friends, and the love of your life.

"Sir, the information I gave you could be accurate if only Mr. Barnes here did not intervened and change the strategic plan I made based on my research," Frank said.

Everyone is in the dinning room for a meeting of what happened in yesterday's tasks.

"Excuse me," Bucky glared at Frank as he points himself, "Are you seriously blaming me for your inaccurate research?" he asked then he chuckled, "I am not the one who made that research, boy. So whether I intervened or not, your strategic plan could've worked out."

Whenever Frank and Bucky would be in the same room, a heated argument should be expected.

"Enough," Steve stopped Bucky and Frank, "We should just think of something else. We're running out of time already," he pointed out.

"Y/n and I could sneak off the building tomorrow morning and we'll give access to Barton and Banner," Wanda suggested.

"Yeah, I think the only way to get this mission done and over with is to use the "disguise & sneak off" tactic," you added in support of Wanda's suggestion. You turned to Steve, "Once Barton and Banner are in to hack the security system, the rest of you can take it from there."

Steve seemed to like your plan so he nodded and asked all of you to get the rest you all need because you have an early day tomorrow.

You left the dinning room alongside with the other Avengers, while Steve, Tony, Bruce, Clint, and Bucky are left inside the dinning room to finish their whiskeys that they started before the meeting. You're about to go to the kitchen to grab something to drink with Wanda and Nat when Frank approaches you.

"Hey Nat, Wanda, go ahead and find something to drink. I'll go catch up," you said to Wanda and Nat, they gave you a nod. Wanda gave you a warning look, she knows how jealousy and Bucky don't match up well enough. You faced Frank, "Hey, you need somethin'?" you asked him.

Frank smiled at you, "I was wondering if you want to go and visit a few places the day after tomorrow and before you and your friends go back home," he proposed.

You didn't want to be rude but you are not clearly into him anymore and you know that he isn't the guy you want to be with in visiting tourist places here in Florida. It's Bucky.

You clicked your tongue, "That's a very nice offer Frank, but I don't think it's a good idea."

His face turned into a disappointment, "It's Bucky, isn't it?"

You nodded, "Frank, Bucky and I are together. He's my boyfriend. I know things were pretty well between us during high school, but we didn't make it because it wasn't meant to be at all. So, let's just be friends and stay like that." You wanted to tell him about this since you got here in Florida, but he keeps on disregarding whatever you say about your relationship with Bucky.

Unknown to you, Bucky's near both of you and can actually hear your conversation with Frank.

"But y/n..." Frank moved closer to you and held both of your arms, "...he was a killer. He's the winter soldier. He killed millions of people."

You moved a step back away from him, making you free from his hands. You gave him a disbelief look upon moving away from him.

"You don't know him, Frank," you shook your head and glared at him, "You don't know who Bucky is. You may know him as the winter soldier but it wasn't him. He didn't have a choice when he did those awful things. He is the love of my life and the bad things you're telling me about him won't change how I feel for him. First of all, you have no right to judge him. You have no idea who he is."

Before Frank could say anything in reply to you, Bucky approached both of you. He stood besidd you as he give Frank a death defying stare.

"Say another word and I will break your neck. You'll see the winter soldier you are telling y/n about," Bucky said.

"See, y/n!" Frank said as he waved his hand to motion towards Bucky, "He killed lots of people from the past and he could do it again! He's a threat to your life, he's a threat to every man's life!"

You saw Bucky clenched his jaw and how his knuckles been wanting to punch Frank's face, but you immediately put your hands on his shoulder to calm him down. Steve, Tony, Bruce, and Clint came out of the dinning room and were already sensing not so good things between Bucky and Frank.

"Frank, I don't think it's advisable to go across my pal," Steve said as he drag Frank away from Bucky.

"Wait, Steve," you stopped Steve from dragging Frank away. You walked towards Frank and held him in his collar, his feet can't even touch the ground anymore as you lift him up in the air, "Bucky is not the winter soldier, he never was and he never will be. Put that in your mind. You understand?" when he did not answr you, you tightened your grip on him, "Do you understand?!" you repeated.

"Yeah, yeah! I understand." he answered.

The moment you put Frank down, Steve and Clint dragged him outside and talked to him.

You turned around to face Bucky, but when you're about to approach him, he walked away and went straight to your room.

"He's still sensitive about the winter soldier thing," Stark said behind you. He taps your shoulder before making his way to the kitchen where Nat and Wanda are, "You should go and talk to him. Make out after," he joked.

•••

You did not have to knock on the door of the room that you and Bucky shared in the safehouse, it is open and it is also your room anyway. When you entered the room, you found him near the window, staring outside and you could feel that he's thinking of something.

"You know what Tony asked me to do after I talked to you?" you closed the door behind you and rested your back against it, "He said we should make out."

It was just you, trying to lighten up the mood.

But he did not even dare to look at you. He is just staring at the glass window and what's outside.

"Bucky," you walked towards the edge of the bed, which is only a few inches away from where he is standing, "You know he's just trying to tear us apart. Whatever he said was all a lie," you reached for his hand to make him face you.

His eyes met yours, making you see how Frank's stupid and baseless words affected him. He has always been sensitive when someone is bringing up his past. He is not denying the fact that it was part of his past, but he also know that it wasn't him anymore.

You put his hand on your cheeks and leave a few kisses on his palm while your eyes are still with him, "No matter what happened in the past, it doesn't dictates who you are now. You are a different person from who was inside your head before. It doesn't even matter what happened in the past, only you and I matter. You matters, only you. So please, stop doing this to yourself over and over again," you said, almost in a pleading voice.

"I'm not affected by the fact that people are still seeing me as the winter soldier or who I was before, but I..." he kneel in front of you as he grabbed both of your hands, "...I am asking myself if I really do deserve you."

"You what?" you asked and you shook your head, "Bucky, come on. We're really doing this shitty conversation? Of course you deserve me. When you and I became a couple, there's not a day or any time of the day that I'd find myself smiling like a fool. Whenever you're out of my sight, in a mission or something, I'd find myself longing for you, your hug..." you pulled him towards you as you lay on the bed and putting him on top of you, "...your touch, and most of all..." you twisted your finger in his dog tag and pulled him closer to you, "...your kiss." you said before you kissed him on his lips.

You didn't have to wait, he kissed you back as soon as he felt your lips against his.

You found yourself deepening the kiss both of you are sharing, and few seconds later his hand moved to your waist and the vibranium one removed strands of hair blocking your face.

He pulled from your kisses as he caresses your face, "How did I get so damn lucky to have you, y/n?" he asked as he look into your eyes deeply.

You smiled, "We're both of lucky. We'll talk about your cocky attitude later, but for now..." you pushed yourself up and push him on the bed as you straddle him on his waist, "...I need you to do me."

He smiled as he pull your shirt up, undressing you and leaving you on your brassiere, "Oh, on the contrary..." he pulled himself up and unclasps your bra, "...I'm the only person who deserves you."

You grin but before you could say anything, he kisses you and claims your lips like a hungry beast and you're his last meal. While he's busy ravishing you with his lips, your hands are busy unbuttoning his shirt, but when you ran out of patience, you just rip it off.

Upon hearing the shattering sound of fabrics, he stopped kissing you, surprised with your aggressiveness, "Did you also learned that from Nat?" he asked.

You chuckled, "No, I learned that with you, asshole. Now stop talking, just do the work."

He pinned you against the bed, feeling the matress behind you as he slowly tug your pants down alongside with your panties.

"Spread your legs for me, and let me taste you, my love."

You obliged and spread your legs to the hungry man in front of you.

"This is gonna be a long night, so hang on and let me make it up to you," he said before he went down between your legs, remembering that Tony told you to make out, but you ended up doing a lot more. MORE.

-v.dl

[astro-rain]

delicate; b.barnes

chapter sixteen — “aftermath”

delicate masterlist

word count: 1.5k

synopsis: steve finds bucky a bit stressed and acting (only slightly) neurotic. he aims to uncover the source of his best friend’s conflict... and he’s not surprised at the answer.

pairings: bucky barnes x fem!reader

[A/N:] ‘doll dizzy’ is 40’s slang for “a boy who is crazy about girls” also this is kind of a filler chapter, sorry :(

The walk back to his living quarters was hazy and slow. His mind went back and forth from scattered to blank, in complete disbelief that what just happened happened. It was surreal; it almost felt like it didn't happen.

It wasn't... supposed to happen. They were supposed to be friends. Conceptually he knew this, but then she was there and she was so close and her hands were on him and she was saying such sweet, gentle things.

Briefly, so Bucky touched his lips lightly with the pads of his index and middle finger. If he focused hard enough, he could still feel it, feel her. Before he could dig himself another grave, the rational part of his brain yanked him back to reality.

Did he ruin everything? After all, it was him that leaned in this time. How different would they be from the last time the two of them got too close? The rumination would've continued, but the voice of a blonde super soldier interrupted his thoughts.

"Buck, you day drinkin' now?" Steve called, jokingly.

"What?"

"You look drunk."

Post fuck up delirium? He bet he looked like an idiot. To be honest, he felt a little inebriated after what he just experienced.

"I can't get drunk."

"Yeah, that's why I'm confused."

"I just..." he trailed off, thinking of an excuse, "was on a run. That's all."

As Bucky walked up to him, he could more clearly see the confusion on Steve's face.

"In those clothes?"

"...yes."

"Whatever you say, pal..."

Bucky didn't have time for so many questions! He didn't even have time to think; he had no idea what he was going to do, what was going to happen. Then Steve started talking again.

"Hey, Sam and I were going to-"

"I gotta go," Bucky interrupted, needing to find someplace to suffer through his thoughts.

"Buck-"

"I'll see ya later."

From there, he left his best friend more confused than when he found him.

—

Bucky paced around his room, his worried, worried mind running in circles. In the heat of the moment, she said she wouldn't leave, but how could she not? And what the fuck was transference? Was that what was actually happening? Even if it was, how could she condone his actions? There was no way she could stay after that! Right?

The rest of the session was so awkward and they left things in such a weird place and Bucky was so confused but also feeling all sorts of other things and-

"Bucky."

He turned to see Steve march through the entryway with a kind of glorious purpose only Steve Rogers seemed to have.

He sighed. "What do you need?"

"What is up with you, man?"

"What?"

"What's up with you? You're acting weird."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are. Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong!"

"You're a terrible liar," he deadpanned with a hint of a smile.

"I'm actually a good liar. I just... got a lot on my mind, okay? So, you can go be a worryin' geezer somewhere else. I'll be just fine."

"Geezer? Did you forget that you're literally older than me?"

"Shut up," Bucky all but pouted, too frazzled to muster up some creative banter. "Punk."

"Just tell me what's wrong, ya jerk."

He knew Steve wouldn't budge. At first he thought, stubborn ass. But then, he remembered how Y/N said Steve's stubbornness was something she really respected about him.

Bucky sighed, giving in and slouching into a chair near his bed. "It's Y/N."

"The... therapist?"

"Yes. The therapist."

"What about her? Did she do something? Is this another Zemo situation?"

Steve's voice got more defensive with each word. Like he was ready to kick someone's ass if need be. Steve Rogers: loyal to a fault. What else is new?

"No! No, nothing like that. Things are just... kinda complicated..."

"Complicated how?"

Yeah, how exactly was he supposed to explain this part? He didn't want to reveal any details and get her fired. Obviously. Steve wouldn't tell anyone anything that would get Bucky in trouble. That much he knew. But with Y/N, he wasn't sure. He decided to play it safe, proving that he was, in fact, a good liar. Or, at least a good only-tell-certain-parts-of-the-truth-er.

"Complicated like she might leave."

"Why would she leave? Are you guys done with the therapy?"

"Not exactly. It's... things between us are... odd."

"Odd?" Steve asked, clearly wanting some kind of elaboration.

"Yes," Bucky said curtly, giving him nothing of the sorts.

Steve stared at him for a moment, and it looked like he was trying to solve a math problem in his head. Bucky almost laughed.

"Buck, you didn't..."

"Didn't what?!"

"She's your therapist!" he exclaimed, although he didn't look very upset. More so surprised.

Now Bucky was starting to lose his composure. "What are you talking about?!"

"Well, I guess you really are getting back your old self because this is probably what he would do."

Did he just get called a man slut?

"What is that supposed to mean?" he crossed his arms.

"You've always been... what'd we used to call it? 'Doll dizzy?' Yeah. It's making a reappearance."

"I-..." Bucky exasperated.

Okay, maybe he was a little doll dizzy back when he was a kid, but now? Certainly not now. That's ridiculous.

"What? You're gonna look at me and you're gonna tell me that I'm wrong?"

"What exactly are you implying?"

"Are you..." he stuttered, slightly embarrassed, thinking of how to choose his words, "being intimate... with your therapist?"

If he wasn't preoccupied with worrying about his psychologist leaving, he might have laughed at Steve's awkwardness.

"What! No! It's not like that!" He felt flustered.

Steve laughed. He fucking laughed. "Then what?"

Bucky rubbed his eyes, groaning in annoyance. "We're... just friends."

Well, they were supposed to be. He's not sure what they were now... or what was going to happen. Beforehand, any cursed feelings he had were just that: feelings. They were in the back of his mind, barely making themselves conscious long enough to be known, long enough for him to be fully aware of them. But now, he felt like an exposed nerve, feeling all too much too fast.

"Just friends?" he raised his brows in disbelief.

"Yeah, just... yeah..."

"I think you guys look at each other a little too long to be just friends..."

Bucky scoffed. "What does that even mean?"

"I saw you two at the bonfire."

"Okay? Whatdya want, a trophy?"

"Yeah, yeah. And whenever she wasn't looking at you, you were gawkin' at her."

"I don't gawk," he rolled his eyes.

"Oh, but you do."

"And since when are you tracking everyone's eye movements?"

"You were subtle, I'll give you that. But I know ya, Buck. And I'm observant."

"Yeah, and I'm screwed."

"Why?"

"'Cause she's probably gonna leave now. I mean, she said she didn't have to, but she'll probably think everything over and end up leaving."

"What, 'cause you looked at her?"

"No, 'cause I kissed her!"

A smile grew on Steve's face. "I knew it."

Once more, Bucky let out a loud and annoyed groan of frustration. "Man, I fucked up. I had a good thing going for me... god damn transference... shit."

"Transference?"

"It's a thing she told me about, it's like... apparently my feelings about something else get transferred to her, so I don't really feel that way about her, but it seems like I do... I think."

"That's... a thing?"

"Apparently- I don't know," Bucky flailed his hands, beginning to pace again. "That's what she told me at least."

"Well... did she kiss you back?"

Bucky stopped moving.

"She did..." he said, while realizing that, yes, she actually did kiss him back and shocked that she... actually kissed him back.

He guessed his mind hadn't caught up to him yet. He hadn't analyzed their actions and each physical change between them. He guessed he was still stuck in that moment. In his head, they were still kissing.

"That's a good sign... right?" Steve shrugged.

Bucky squeezed his eyes shut, brain all but malfunctioning. "I don't know what it is. I don't know anything anymore. I'm a crummy patient..."

"Oh, come on. What happened to Brooklyn's ladies man?"

"He fell off a train."

Steve looked only slightly mortified, but it made Bucky laugh. Comedic catharsis seemed to ease the tension in his chest.

"Look," Bucky started, "she's like the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. And I think I might've ruined it. I just want things to be okay with us... I don't want her to leave."

"Did you talk to her about it?"

"No, we ended the session early 'cause of me. It was... awkward after."

"Well, go talk to her then!"

"I can't, I just left. I wanna at least give her some space."

"You didn't seem to care about space earlier," Steve teased.

Bucky smacked his best friend's arm. "Would you cut it out!"

"Wait, but how did it happen? Like did you just leap up and grab her face? How did it go down?"

"I'm gonna kill you."

"I thought I was the wing man! I need details!"

Bucky turned. "Oh yeah, wingman? How's Sharon?"

Steve shut up.

delicate taglist: @bakugouswh0r3 @thefridgeismybestie @strivingforelegance @ilovespideyyy @xpurpleglitter @bluelakeee @darkacademic2 @nickkie1129 @eclipsedplanet @paradisedixon @crazy-beautiful @coffee--writes @lilithknight1111 @buckybarnesishot310 @softladyhours @alwayssandy @quxxnxfhxll @those-sea-green-eyes @hero-ically @devilswaldorf @cc13723things @maravderofthephoenix @avengersgirllorianna @cataves @thatbitchsposts @talktomeaboutthestars @surrealpsycho @headheartbellarke @bubbly-moonwarrior @bluemoon-icecream @buckeyecreates

[lick-me-lennon22]

George caring for a sick Dhani 💜

(thank you to @pmak2002 for this request!! it was supposed to be just a blurb but I did a little research beforehand and it ended up pretty much becoming a whole fic 😅 oops... either way, I hope you enjoy this one! 💕)

When Dhani wakes up for school on Monday morning, he immediately knows something his wrong. His throat is sore, his nose is runny, and his muscles ache like nothing he's felt before. He painstakingly drags himself out of bed, clutching the sheet around him, and heads straight to his parents' bedroom where he finds his mum Olivia still in bed. Dhani notices that the bathroom door is cracked open and cautiously steps inside to find his father, George, brushing his teeth. "Dad..?" he says quietly, voice hoarse. George startles, turning around to see Dhani in his unfortunate state and spits his mouthful of toothpaste into the sink, letting the water wash it down the drain before turning the tap off. "What is it, my boy? You sound bloody awful..," he gently presses the back of his hand to Dhani's forehead to assess his temperature. "You seem to be running quite the fever, son- let's get you to the doctor, all right? Just let me finish up in here and I'll be right out to take ye" George says. Dhani nods weakly, coughing into his elbow, and shuffles out of the room. George jumps into action- he swishes and spits some mouthwash, changes out of his sleepwear into a button-up and jeans, and sprints to the car, his son following close behind him and hopping into the passenger's seat.

 

"This is ridiculous.." George mutters under his breath as he walks his son out of the clinic and gets into the driver's seat of his car. They had been able to see the doctor almost instantly upon arriving; he had taken some swabs, run a few tests, and determined that Dhani had contracted the flu: "He probably picked it up from school," the doc had said. When George had requested a prescription of some kind to alleviate his son's symptoms, the doctor simply shook his head: "I'm afraid there isn't much we can do for him. The flu's been going around at many schools, I've seen a lot of children this past week with the same complaints. As it stands, all I can tell you is to give him some over-the-counter medicine, bring him some saltwater to gargle for that sore throat, and be sure he gets plenty of fluids and bedrest." George tried to argue, stating that there must be something he can do to cure Dhani of his illness sooner- but as the doc's hands were tied and George didn't want to subject his son to more stress, he took Dhani by the hand and led him out of the office, through the lobby, and back to the car. "Alright, my boy," George sighs- "seeing that the doctor was no help whatsoever, we're headed straight to the drugstore for anything that'll help you feel better. Sound good?"

"Yeah Dad, sounds good" Dhani croaks out and smiles weakly, glad just to spend some time with his father. Being a famous musician and all, George isnt able to spend as much time with his son as he'd like to, a lot of it consumed by work and media-related endeavors. Dhani admired his Dad more than anyone else in his life and though they rarely got the chance to hang out nowadays, they were practically best friends and had formed a close bond throughout his childhood. George was always a fun parent, bringing his son along to festivals and such ("Don't tell yer mum," he'd say with a grin), and sticking up for Dhani to authority figures and even other kids at his school- he was fiercely protective of his boy. However, he was also a gentle parent who allowed Dhani the chance to explore and express himself, and had fostered a mutual respect between the two of them since his son was but a toddler.

"I'm pulling you from school for the whole week" "But what if I'm- *cough*- all better before then?" "Just in case, Dhani- it's not like you really need them and their indoctrination, anyway.." George grumbles, never having been a fan of traditional schools or their teachings. Dhani however has always cared about his grades and paid close attention to the lessons he's been taught, in spite of what his father thinks. "...Okay, Dad" he says meekly, wanting to protest but unwilling to sacrifice more quality time with his famous father. George pulls into the parking lot of the nearest drugstore and marches in, intent on gathering all the supplies his sick boy could need: tissues, lozenges, cough syrup, pain medication, ice packs, and even more tissues- 'just in case.' He makes his way to the checkout, queuing up, paying for the items and hauling his bags back to the car. He drives Dhani home as quickly as possible, carrying him to bed and tucking him in before calling and cancelling any studio time, interviews, or collaborations he'd previously planned. There's only one committment he can't cancel- dinner with Paul tonight for the first time in ages. George sets his son up with all of the remedies he'd bought and tells his wife Olivia everything about the situation, including the "unhelpful and useless" doctor they had gone to see. She of course agrees to care for Dhani, sending her husband on his way to dinner with one of his long-time best friends.

 

The following day George rises just before noon, having stayed up late to pal around with Macca. He runs the few errands on his agenda, including grabbing his family some lunch, and pulls into his driveway back home where he spots the vehicle of none other than Richard Starkey parked outside. He makes his way to his son's room to discover that Uncle Ringo had come to visit the sick young lad (having found out from Paul that Dhani had come down with a bad case of the flu), joking and cheering him up to distract him from his poor state. The two close friends chat for some time in the living room before Ritchie departs, Olivia checking up on Dhani in the meantime. George thanks his wife and dismisses her from her nurse duties, taking on the responsibility himself. He tiptoes to his son's bedroom cautiously and enterd to see that he's been tucked in, the ice pack George had picked up from the store the previous day resting on his forehead, half-lidded eyes trained onto the telly. "Dhani..?" "Oh- *cough*- hey, Dad"

George approaches the bed and sits down carefully, holding a paper bag out to Dhani. "I brought you a burrito- your favorite," he grins down at his son, who takes the bag: "Really? *cough*- Thanks Dad, you're the best!" he says, hands emerging from the blankets to tear into the treat. George stays sat on the bed, determined to spend time with his sick boy and make sure he knows how loved he is. Glancing around the room at the piano and guitars he's bought and played with Dhani, then back to the young man, Ringo's words from earlier echo in his mind: "He's growing up into such a wonderful lad. He's just like you, ye know- good looks and all."

Olivia had always said they were very alike, but he'd usually dismissed the observation... until now. George couldn't help but realize that they were right- though he was but eleven years old Dhani was already becoming a very talented and creative musician, having learned much about music from his dad. He'd certainly taken after his Beatle father in that regard, and they were in fact very similar- not to mention their near identical looks. Sharing his Dad with the world had been difficult and a bit isolating for Dhani despite his many school mates. He admired and looked up to George from a very young age, always striving to be just like him. As Dhani grew up before George's eyes, he became more and more like his father by the day and George was immensely proud.

His train of thought was broken suddenly when Dhani finished the burrito, crumpling the paper bag and tossing it into the bin. He landed the throw, earning a hearty laugh and a high five from his father. He closed his eyes and laid back, George stroking his hair gently, the two of them cherishing this moment of father-son love. "Are you gettin' sleepy, Dhani?" he asked tenderly- his son nodded in response, already drowsy despite the brightness of the late afternoon sun. "Tell you what- I'll play you a lullaby, that way you can rest easier and know that I'm here beside you." "Dad," Dhani chuckled, "aren't I a little too old for that?" he lied, secretly longing for the affectionate gesture. George grabbed his son's acoustic guitar from its stand and begin to tune it: "You're never too old for yer old man's love and attention, eh? Now you just relax, close your eyes, and rest." Dhani didn't protest any further, heeding his father's instructions with a soft smile on his face. With that, George began to play- he chose "Here Comes The Sun," fingers strumming the strings gently and with care, dedicating the sweet words to his beloved son. By the time he was finished Dhani was fast asleep- grin faltering as he drifted off, but still visible on his lips. George placed the guitar back on the stand gently, taking care not to wake the sleeping lad. He smiled to himself, tears welling in his eyes as he turned to admire his son's peaceful face. "I love you, my boy," he whispered, placing a gentle kiss on Dhani's forehead before tip-toeing out of the room and shutting the door cautiously. Back pressed against the wooden door, George let his eyelids fall shut and sighed: "Sweet dreams, Dhani." ♡

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 6)

Last time, we talked about Natsume's growing crush on Mikan. As the festival continues, his feelings will only grow. Today we'll discuss how these new feelings will affect him, and particularly how they have the potential to create tension in his friendship with Ruka.

Chapter Twenty-One

Mikan is guilty for not having already gone to Iinchou’s haunted house in the latent ability class area. So they end up going together. Although Mikan is easily distracted and wants to try everything in the latent area, Natsume is strict on going straight to the destination with no tangents.

Iinchou lets them in right away without having to wait in the hour-long line. Mikan puts on airs about being a country girl and, just like she’s unafraid of bugs, she’s also not afraid of ghosts. Except she totally is.

Ruka and Natsume don’t seem particularly scared of the haunted house so far, but Mikan is, and she clings to Ruka, desperate not to be left behind, even if it means she hurts him with her grasp.

The person who posted these TokyoPop scans forgot a couple pages so for the longest time the beginning of the chapter was so confusing to me...

Natsume looks behind to see them and is jealous, yet again. Just like with Tsubasa, Natsume is unhappy with his fate to be the bad guy in general. He goes out of his way to look bad to protect people and as a result will not be the one clung to. It’s different from Tsubasa though, because this isn’t some nameless middle schooler that Natsume can take his anger out on: this is his best friend, somebody he’s never felt anything but affection for. Natsume doesn’t want to hurt Ruka; he’s just sad that the situation is so messed up.

Lucky for Ruka, Natsume gives up before there can even be a competition.

It’s for the best this way, after all. For Ruka to be happy, for Mikan to be with somebody kind who deserves her, and even for him, because maybe this way Mikan won’t be used against him like everybody else he cares about.

Natsume makes this decision without talking to anybody and before anyone can even figure out that there’s a choice to be made in the first place.

Then they run into a crawling hag and nobody’s immune to the terror that being chased after by that demon brings. All three of them run for it, but they end up in a new spooky room, which freaks Mikan out so much she screams and faints, foaming at the mouth, causing Natsume to fall and twist his ankle and for Ruka’s rabbit to run off. He chases after it, leaving Natsume and Mikan alone. Iinchou breaks whatever causes the electricity to run in the building and now they’re trapped alone in the dark, unable to get out.

Mikan tries to figure out a way for them to escape, but climbing the wall is out of the question since Natsume’s ankle is twisted. He suggests that he blow up the wall, but Mikan is adamantly against that idea because the latent students worked hard to make the mansion. Natsume acquiesces. That’s fine. He doesn’t mind spending more time with her. It just means she’ll have to stay in the dark for longer.

She is very clingy when she’s scared, and although he complains he doesn’t really make any moves to get her off. I mean, why would he? This is exactly what he wanted, though he did only get it because he was the only person around that she could cling to. There’s a moment where he spooks her, perhaps so she would hug him more, but then she whines for him to stop scaring her and the panels are quite sparkly. Natsume is distressed about his new crush and the effect it has on him. Really her whining and puppy-dog eyes are not any less powerful on Natsume than they are on Ruka. He’s just better at hiding it.

He looks at her softly and then has a moment where he looks almost peeved to have felt so fond at all... but it won't last. These days he has more affection for her than irritation.

Mikan tries apologizing about getting angry with him at Anna’s cafe, but he pretends like he has no idea what she’s talking about. To me, this cements that Natsume wants to look bad to her in particular. He doesn’t really want her to figure out that he’s kind deep down or that he’s selfless 99% of the time. He doesn’t want her to think he cares at all because it’s best for him to continue being the same jerk he has been for the past twenty chapters. He’s okay with her hating him, because that way she won’t become the new Ruka, used by the academy as a pawn to get him to jump through more hoops.

She tries to make him smile and that’s another big deal. Most people think Natsume is cool for being so unaffected. His fans think he’s the man, a tough guy who frowns all the time. Even Ruka’s approach to this issue was to stop smiling too.

Mikan’s approach is to tell jokes.

Of course, it doesn’t work, and the jokes aren’t any good, but Mikan is trying something nobody else has done: instead of looking up to him or going down to his level of misery, Mikan’s trying to lift him up. She wants him to smile and be happy and that sets her apart. She’s immature and childish and that brings out the childishness in him too. And like I mentioned a while ago, childishness in Natsume is a good thing. With her, he can bicker and argue and tease like he used to before he came to the academy. She has no idea what he’s going through and her mood changes so quickly she can’t even stay mad or upset. She’s just a joyful and loud girl who rubs off on everyone she meets and Natsume is far from being an exception.

He can just mess around like a kid for once. He doesn't have to be serious around her all the time.

Thus, the next important thing in regards to analyzing their relationship is that the last page of the chapter has him teasing her and then smiling at her reaction. We’ve only seen Natsume smile twice before: with Youichi for a brief moment, and then with Ruka on the cover for Chapter Sixteen (Natsume's evil smile when Mikan gets bullied by middle schoolers doesn't count as a real smile). This officially adds Mikan to the incredibly short list of people who can make Natsume smile. She’s angry with him, arguing, but being able to let go of all his darkness and just tease a girl and have her act with such strong emotions is enough to make him happy. And that’s what this is: Natsume is happy.

Chapter Twenty-Three

The musical creates some tension between Natsume and Ruka, as expected, because liking the same girl can make rifts between friends. On the other hand, this isn’t your typical love triangle. Usually in love triangles, the two guys are already positioned against each other. Though Natsume and Ruka may be opposites in many ways, they are not rivals at all. They love each other, and that love is not at all damaged by the conflict of falling for the same girl; it just becomes tense between them.

In fact, the beginning of the chapter has some Class B pals eagerly going backstage to find Ruka before the somatic ability class musical. When they find him, Natsume is the only one to not laugh at or tease him, and seems to be the only one really concerned with Ruka’s feelings about being cast as Snow White.

When the sticky ball incident occurs, there’s a lot more damage done than there is in the anime. In the anime, some cast and crew get stuck, but ultimately nobody was in any real danger of being hurt. In the manga, there were potentially catastrophic consequences for the blast and a lot of equipment got damaged in the process. A somatic child playing one of the seven dwarves is about to be hit by a stagelight when Natsume rushes to get him out of the way, resulting in them getting stuck together. If Natsume hadn’t stepped in, that kid could have gotten really injured, at least.

As a result of Natsume’s heroism, Narumi suggests that he dress up as a forest friend. When Natsume refuses, the child is to be kicked out of the play, and the seven dwarves will be changed to six. Natsume sees the kid pout and with absolutely no more need for convincing he goes to get changed into a cat outfit.

This is noteworthy because the cat outfit is humiliating (not that Natsume hasn’t worn similar things in official art… just saying) and it’s something he truly does not want to do, but he does it, even though he doesn’t even know the kid. It’s some random somatic kid, not Ruka or Youichi or even Mikan, and yet he goes out of his way to do something truly selfless so that the kid can perform what he’s practiced. Natsume is kind in quiet ways, and not just with the people he cares about. Like with Anna, Natsume puts the needs of someone he isn’t close to in front of his own reputation.

Now, Natsume is in a horrible mood, embarrassed to be seen in the costume, and Ruka is confused why he’d even bother, until he sees the smile on the little kid and everything snaps into place for him. Mikan is a very intuitive and emotional girl who can sense things about all sorts of people, but when it comes to Natsume, nobody knows him better than Ruka, who can tell right away the motives for any of his actions.

I work at a restaurant and kids Natsume's age will be like, "I don't want a kids' menu" and act all grown up and then see how big the adult portions are, so they end up eating the Cub Pancake anyway LMAO. Do you want extra whipped cream and chocolate chips, Natsume?

Onto the actual NatsuMikan portion of this analysis, at long last, Mikan is overjoyed to see how adorable he is in his costume and she is the only one who won’t hold back from saying so because she’s not scared of him. I’ve seen someone complaining that Natsume says “Don’t call men cute,” but I always found that line funny because Natsume is a literal ten-year-old boy… He is not a man at all. It’s the sort of thing you’d expect a kid to say, especially one who wants to be a grown-up as soon as possible, which makes the line endearing to me, but that’s my personal feelings about it. (Like the above caption, I find it very amusing when little kids pretend they're all grown up.)

Anyway, Natsume is as much an idiot as he is in the anime, volunteering Mikan to be the prince, even using one of his three wishes to make it happen. This is all motivated by his feelings of humiliation, and he’s taking it out on her, arguing that he doesn’t want to wear the outfit for no reason so the show has to go on no matter the cost--but this will bite him in the ass sooner rather than later.

Chapter Twenty-Four

The chapter begins and Mikan is very nervous about playing the prince, particularly about looking the part as she is very uncomfortable with her hair down.

This is actually the first time we see Natsume’s feelings about it, but he’ll only make it more clear in about ten more chapters. Here, Mikan wonders if she should put her hair back up and Natsume snaps, “No!” before walking away in a huff. It’s a small scene, and it’s even told through tiny text, but it’s enough to let any reader paying attention know that Natsume also thinks Mikan looks cute with her hair down. Yes, he’s embarrassed to have said anything, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t say it.

Don't worry about him, he's just in a bad mood.

Natsume mainly observes, and nothing noteworthy happens. He eventually goes and gives his line and his aura alone is threatening enough to discourage anyone from laughing or “aww”ing.

The next important moment is when Mikan sees the stage direction to kiss the princess directly on the lips. Narumi says it’s because he’s trying to make up for the loss of sizzle due to the accident, but knowing him, there’s probably more to it. Naru likes stirring the pot and causing drama, although I can hardly tell what his motives are half the time. Truly, I believe he is the most mysterious character in the whole story.

Natsume does not allow this to happen, so he throws something at Mikan’s head--some random box thing--and Hotaru shuts off the lights.

Natsume does something kind of selfish here. He didn’t want them to kiss, so he stopped it. The fact that he grabbed the first thing he saw meant it was a sudden choice to chuck it. I wonder if he had any intentions of just toughing it out and dealing with it, but eventually jealousy won out and he did the selfish thing.

When I say selfish, I don’t mean “bad”. I just mean that for once Natsume is acting based on what he wants, rather than what will make somebody else happy. When it comes to this kid in particular, I actually want him to do selfish things more often, because he very rarely does. He’s been selfless and heroic enough for one day, having saved a kid from getting injured and then wearing that embarrassing costume. He’s allowed to have done this one thing for selfish reasons.

It’s not like it was a bad thing to do either. It would have only benefited Narumi, and possibly the somatic class to have a spicy musical kiss, but it wouldn’t have been good for Ruka or Mikan. Having their first kiss under such conditions, especially when Mikan was just doing the class a favor by acting in the play to begin with, would have been sad. Natsume essentially saved her from the consequences of his own actions, because it would have been his fault if they’d had no choice but to go through with it.

Moreover, like I said earlier, Ruka can simply tell what Natsume’s motives are from a single look. It’s more obvious in the anime, of course, but I still think manga!Ruka is aware that Natsume intervened. He knows Natsume better than anybody, and he’s too smart to think that box came out of nowhere.

This is just the beginning of a long-standing tension between them, one that they will dance around and pretend isn’t happening for quite a while before actually addressing it properly. For now, they have undiscussed feelings and jealousies that will go unchecked and unresolved for some time, building an even deeper divide between them. After all, Natsume and Ruka have enough of a gap on account of Natsume’s missions and his general feelings of not being able to fit in with anybody. This only broadens the gap.

Chapter Twenty-Six

The dance will be very fun to analyze from Mikan’s perspective, but we’re not nearly finished with Natsume’s, so that will have to wait.

For now, we’ll discuss Natsume’s softening, which Permy points out bitterly on account of being surrounded by closet fans. Previously, she says, they were terrified of him, and why wouldn’t they be? We talked ad nauseam about Natsume’s first thirteen chapters of misery and coldness. He was a scary and unkind guy, definitely unapproachable. Even his admirers in Class B were scared of him, equal parts affection and terror. In a very short time, Natsume has softened and it’s obvious. He even dressed as a cat for the somatic musical! His reputation for being cold and dangerous is softening and the girls who used to fear him are now flocking to him to ask if he’s willing to accept their last dance proposals.

But with all this talk about romance and dancing, Mikan feels left out and can’t relate. Her frustrations only grow when some girls start gossiping about her and she ends up taking it out on Natsume, saying she would never ever wanna dance with Natsume for the last dance. He brushes this off, but he still pouts, obviously affected and a little hurt. Their relationship was on the rise, after all. They were starting to hang out more and were bickering often, something Natsume doesn’t make a habit of doing with most people. But just because Natsume is feeling more fondness for her, that doesn't mean she feels the same way.

He expects this in some way, of course, because it's partially his intention. He expects that she would only tolerate him after everything that happened with them, but that doesn't mean he likes the feeling of rejection.

They're so cute when they pout!

Having a crush is bad enough, but hearing that girl shout that she’d never wanna go out with you is even harder, even if you were maybe purposefully making her angry with you to try and protect her. It would be a tough emotion to bear, especially for a kid unversed in romance. He proceeds to be just as huffy as her.

And as twisted as it is, I’m happy for him.

Natsume was cold and mean and difficult to talk to before he fell for Mikan. Now he’s way more approachable and expressive, willing on occasion to show an emotion that isn’t rage, like hurt or grumpiness or amusement. He can now sit at his desk and pout, something he wasn’t doing before, like a kid throwing a fit.

At the actual dance, Natsume is still hurt, still pouting. It doesn’t help that Mikan glares at him upon spotting him. It’s interesting to see how much this affects him. One girl said something harsh in the heat of the moment and he is taking it so personally. Of course, he gets hurt or angered by many things. Upperclassmen bully him and call him a murderer and he simply uses his alice on them to shut them up. He keeps his face straight, moves on, and forgets it. Naturally, the hurt and resentment sit there in his gut to torment him, because he’s a kid and they’re awful things for anyone to hear, but he’s not acting like that here. Here, he’s grumpy and pouty. His feelings are hurt but they don’t come with urges to punish like being called a murderer does.

And it’s obvious he has no genuine hard feelings because Natsume then shoves Ruka onto Mikan, since Ruka was being transparent about his gaze. He goes on to dance with someone else, anyone else, because Mikan made it clear that she too would rather dance with anyone else, just as long as it wasn’t him. He’s clearly still in a bad mood, though.

He's so used to not getting what he wants that he will do all of Ruka's work for him, so that Ruka can get what he wants.

Later, when Mikan and Natsume are singletons in the middle of the dance floor, they notice each other. Here would be a perfect opportunity to dance, but she made it clear she hated the idea, and he’s not about to embarrass himself to ask. Hence, he huffs again, pouting because there’s no way he’ll ask her to dance once she’s said such harsh things. They stand in silence for just a moment, until he finds some other girl to dance with and leaves Mikan all alone.

They’re both grumpy over the way they’re being treated by the other. Natsume is being immature and petty with his feelings, almost childish (heehee it's all I want for him!). With all the dark and depressing divide between Mikan’s academy life of fun and laughs and Natsume’s life of secret missions and physical abuse, he’s somehow found a way to wedge himself into hers. He’s taking something so minor so seriously. He’s been on the front lines, used his alice to hurt enemies and been hurt by enemies and dangerous ability types alike. He is literally dying and he’s aware of it! But he’s still pouting because the girl he likes was a little mean to him.

But the dance with the girl obviously wasn’t much fun, because Mikan quickly finds him again, away from the party, along a secluded path by some trees. He’s in a pouty mood and obviously needs some time alone with his thoughts.

It shows that he’s done some thinking because he doesn’t even mention her angry words from earlier.

Instead, he just calls the whole festival stupid.

We’re reminded here of a scene from way before they liked each other, when the festival was first announced. Then, she also found him playing with a dog, all on his own, using anger to mask his feelings of hurt. He said the same thing back then, that the whole thing was stupid and it was dumb to get all worked up about it. He’s doing it again now, but it’s a little different this time. Their relationship has changed, improved. They actually care about each other now, and although Natsume starts off just talking through his anger, he eventually turns honest.

The truth is that these periods of childishness will always have to end. It’s just an extended version of the dodgeball game. No matter how much emotion he puts into these experiences, they will be overshadowed by his real life. Now matter how much fun he has, he will always have to stop smiling and go kill himself on Persona’s orders. And even more honestly, the more fun he has, the harder it will be on the people he has fun with. It’s not enough for the ESP and Persona that Natsume completes his missions and does all his work; they find pleasure and relief in his constant misery. The second he cares about something, they use it against him. His joy is never meant to last and will always have consequences for the people he loves.

I hate tumblr's 10 image limit. I hate it. I despise it. I abhor it. I cannot come up with a caption. So instead I'll say again. I hate the 10 image limit.

And so he explains, for once, that he’s simply different from everyone else. The festival is something that doesn’t belong to him. He’s merely been an observer this whole time. He’s never actually been a part of it. And then he tells her that she should stay in the light, stay out of the dark. He calls her naive, but it’s not as much an insult as it used to be.

She is childish and loud and optimistic and annoying and a little sweet and even though he hated all these things about her before, he now realizes that these traits are things to be protected. The more she mingles with him, the darker her life will be. After all, her light is not the only thing that’s contagious: his darkness rubs off on people too, and in his mind it will only hurt her to be involved with him. She should stay in the light--in the shiny, sparkly side of the manga, where everyone is concerned with sports and coming up with ideas for the festival--and keep out of the dark--where there’s murder and blackmail and danger and death. It’s bad enough he can’t keep Youichi or Ruka out of it: Youichi is already in the DA class and Ruka came running after him. He can’t distance himself from them. The most he can do is protect them and raise their star ranks or keep them off of dangerous missions. But with Mikan he has a chance to really protect her, prevent her from being used against him at all. Ideally, she’ll stay away and he won’t need to worry about her as much.

And he wants her to be safe and gone, so when she asks what he means, he changes tactics and decides to be rude and mean instead, telling her to get lost and insulting her. She gets angry and it almost seems like it’ll be another bickering match, where they will both be childish and hurl insults at each other, but he doesn’t take that path.

She is complaining about how he doesn’t seem to know that she has a name, thank you very much--and then he calls her Mikan. He concedes to her demands. He does what he perceives to be the mature, adult thing, ending the argument so she will leave for good. When she has nothing left to argue about, she will have no choice but to walk away, and she does, once he makes it clear that his last command is for her to stop complaining about what he calls her.

Natsume chooses to do the selfless thing again, and gives up the first thing in a long time that made him happy. He barely had any time with her at all, but he lets her go, because she can only continue to be sunny and cheerful away from him. He’s giving up before anyone can tell that something was around for him to give up.

He has no idea how much one word has affected her.

Conclusion

Natsume is a selfless kid. He gives up on what he wants very easily, but especially because he knows that the second he gets what he wants, those things could be destroyed, just by association with him. He just wants the people he loves to be happy, even if it means he could never be.

In the next segment, we'll talk about what Natsume is willing to do to protect Mikan, even if it means being cruel and hurting her. NatsuMikan is the living embodiment of the "break her heart to save her" trope, and I very much adore that trope with my whole heart, so we're going to be having a LOT of fun with the next essay!

Also, disclaimer: I'm not smart. I refuse to take responsibility for any mistakes I make in these essays. There also are no mistakes. I've never misspelled a word in my life.

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[hissterical-nyaan]

The Promise

Pairing - Bucky Barnes/Desi! Female reader

Warning - Angst, sad ending, more angst

Summary - Bucky Barnes broke one promise that meant the most to Y/N

Word count - 1.5K

A/N - This is my first ever fanfic, I am very anxious so please be gentle with me :) This was created purely to make y'all cry lol. This is a songfic of "Lag ja gale" of Lata Mangeshkar ji. I absolutely adore that song and found it quite fit for this story!!! Also English isn't my first language and there might be grammatical mistakes. Thanks to @soradragon for beta reading this and helping me complete it, you are a blessing. Love you 💙 happy reading folks!

It was  peaceful in Wakanda, a cool night had taken its place from the hot humid air of the day, the stars were shining bright and serenity hung in the air.  It was impossible to imagine what the next day would have in store for everyone. No one had a clue that tomorrow was the day that would change everyone's lives forever.

There was the sound of soft humming coming from the modest hut which housed the one and only the White Wolf and his lover.

Inside was you, singing songs softly in your mother’s tongue before the two would go to bed for the night. It was a nightly ritual the two of you shared. For Bucky had found your voice so soothing it would chase away the recurring nightmares that would haunt his sleep every night. Bucky Barnes was unable to sleep without his love in his arms, without her angelic voice singing for him, and without her soft hand weaving through his hair. 

You had an awful day today, throughout the day you felt anxious and restless. As if your mind has been screaming at you that something bad was about to transpire. You had no idea what, but it was bad. if there is one thing you hated most, it would be not knowing what will happen next.

You liked being prepared for everything! Your distressed state made you itch for your ma's presence and her wise words. So the next best thing to feel like she was there was to sing your ma's favourite song. It was a song you had  beautiful emotional memories attached to.

Lata ji's masterpiece ‘Lag ja gale’. The song that always left you peaceful.

"What's on your mind, chaand? No cheesy love songs today?" Bucky teased lightly, slightly puzzled by the song choice. Normally, you would sing more happy, sweet love songs when you were in a good mood, not to forget how out of character you acted the entire day. 

"Acha? You said you don't like my cheesy songs na, so I thought today I will comply with your wish and not sing my ‘overly romantic, Shona Babu songs.’”  You shot back, poking your tongue out as not to worry him. Bucky pouted slightly.

"Arre baba okay now don't pout, I was just joking. I will sing the cheesy songs again tomorrow, right now this song just feels right to me.” Hearing that, Bucky mumbled a quiet yes and snuggled deeper into you, holding you tightly and moving his head ever so slightly to listen to your voice.  

Lag Ja Gale Ki Phir Ye Hasin Raat Ho Na Ho

Shaayad Phir Is Janam Men Mulaaqaat Ho Na Ho

Lag Jaa Gale Ae Ae… (Embrace me, dear, who knows whether or not this beautiful night will ever come again. Maybe in this life we may or may not meet again)

You remember the first time you met Bucky, in Shuri's lab. You were a   good friend of Shuri. You were a researcher staying in Wakanda with T'challa's permission and eventually befriended the Princess. The two of you loved to talk about anything and nothing. One day Shuri told you about the Winter soldier staying here in Wakanda. You had heard many things about him, but never had you seen him in the flesh. Till you saw him come into the lab, bruised and eyes swiming full of emotions, but the distraught was the most clear in those blue piercing eyes.

It was at that moment that you had decided you would help him, and try to soothe the aches and scars that had been covering his fragile heart. He was put in the cryo soon after your first encounter, but you couldn't help but think about him often.

Ham Ko Mili Hain Aaj Ye, Ghadiyaan Nasib Se

Ji Bhar Ke Dekh Lijiye, Ham Ko Qarib Se

Phir Aap Ke Nasib Men, Ye Baat Ho Na Ho (I have been given today, this time by destiny. To your hearts content see me closely, who knows, if your destiny, may present this situation again.)

Six months later, Bucky came out of the cryo and on his request, was given a small hut away from the palace in the fields. You often saw him, with his tiny herd of goats. You remember how one tiny goat - which Bucky had endearingly called Steve -  was the one who caused you to talk to Bucky. Maybe that's why he was still your favourite goat, afterall he was responsible for giving you the love of your life.

Shaayad Phir Is Janam Men Mulaaqaat Ho Na Ho

Lag Ja Gale Ki Phir Ye Hasin Raat Ho Na Ho (Maybe, in this life, we may or may not meet again. Embrace me dear for this beautiful night may not come again)

Your phone rang suddenly. Bucky moved his head from your lap as you moved to get the phone, it was your brother who was calling you. It puzzled you, it was nearly midnight in India. "Y/N….jaldi aaja yaha… ma aur papa ki car crash ho gayi...I am so sorry, hum unhe bacha nahi paye." You went numb...The words didn’t make sense, you couldn’t make sense of them... Ma papa? No, no this can't be happening. You...you just talked to your mom a few hours ago! Bucky’s arms wrapped around you, holding you so close. He whispered some words into your ear trying to soothe you. But you couldn’t hear them, your mind just kept repeating your brother’s words inside your head like a mantra. That’s when the tears fell, soaking Bucky’s shirt. You didn’t remember you screamed. 

Paas Aaiye Ki Ham Nahin Aaenge Baar-Baar

Baahen Gale Men Daal Ke Ham Ro Le Zaar-Zaar

Aankhon Se Phir Ye Pyaar Ki Barsaat Ho Na Ho (Come closer to me, as I will not be able to come to you every time. Put your arms around me and let us cry our hearts out. Who knows, if our eyes will ever see these tears of love again.)

You couldn’t imagine what you would be without Bucky, your Bucky. He was your rock, You couldn't live a day without him. From the day you confessed your love for each other till today, not a day has gone where he wasn't showering you with love. Even through all his trauma and pain, he did his absolute best to be there for you, his sweet, sweet Y/N.

Shaayad Phir Is Janam Men Mulaaqaat Ho Na Ho

Lag Ja Gale Ki Phir Ye Hassin Raat Ho Na Ho

Shaayad Phir Is Janam Men Mulaaqaat Ho Na Ho

Lag Ja Gale Ki Phir Ye Hassin Raat Ho Na Ho (Maybe, in this life, we may or may not meet again. Embrace me dear for this beautiful night may not come again)

Remembering the past left you in an emotional mess, you didn't even realise when the waterworks started.

"Chaand? Hey, no shhh why are you crying? Is everything okay? Talk to me."

"Bucky?"

"Haan chaand?"

"Promise me that you will never leave me." You uttered in a broken whisper

"I promise."

He broke that promise. Bucky Barnes broke his promise and left his chaand. It happened so fast, the Avengers fighting Thanos, and suddenly everyone turning into dust.

You felt helpless and scared, numb and cold. what was happening? Bucky had told you to not come out of the palace unless told. He didn't want you to be in harm's way. No, his Y/N was too precious, he can't risk it. You reluctantly agreed, but you weren't of much use on the battlefield anyway. You just hoped your love would return to you very soon.

Steve broke the news, and your whole world collapsed in front of your eyes.

"Steve, no..no it can't be... please tell me you are lying. This isn't the time to joke around! Where is he!?" you couldn't help but scream at him. All your dreams, hopes and future with Bucky shattered. He was gone, in just a snap.  It couldn’t be real, this was a sick joke. that had to be it. A sick joke…

But deep inside, you knew it was real. All of it was real. The world around you seemed to crumble, all of it came down, it was as if someone let a glass cup fall and it shattered in a million pieces. Unable to be put back together again…

Now you had no one, no mom and dad, no Bucky...He was your rock wasn't he? He wasn't supposed to go...

After a few days, Steve offered to take you to America with him. The least he could do for his pal was to make sure the girl who had his heart was taken care of. But you couldn't go, it was too painful. Brooklyn will always remind you of Bucky, and you promised him when the time came to go back to his home, you will go together. No, unlike him Y/N L/N knew how to keep her promise.

You went back to India, to start a new life. A miserable one. If only you would have known that the last song you’ve sung to him would come true. 

You never sang your mother's favourite song again

Tagging - @spiderrpcrker @a-dragon-under-the-stars @lil-stark @jacquessouvenier @soradragon (I hope you won't mind me tagging you!) And I also hope you liked it :))

Translations (please let me know if I forgot to translate something) -

Chaand - Moon (an affectionate term in this context)

Acha - Really (in this context, it can mean many things otherwise)

"Y/N….jaldi aaja yaha… ma aur papa ki car crash ho gayi...I am so sorry, hum unhe bacha nahi paye." - "Y/N please come fast here, mom and dad were in an car crash, I am so sorry but we couldn't save them" (ma = mom, papa = dad)

Haan - yes

[pla-teau]

LOKI EPISODE FOUR : THE NEXUS EVENT

GIF CREDIT TO: @luke-skywalker SPOILERS AHEAD. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!

SYLVIE | there's a lot to process in the short time we get of young sylvie. it didn't seem like she was doing anything that caused a nexus event. when we see her, she's simply playing with her toys on asgard. sylvie asks about what her crime was later on with renslayer but it's never clear cut as to what she did. the only thing we know is that she escaped from renslayer which is why she's so hell bent on capturing and pruning sylvie. i have a certain thought on this later.

WE SURVIVE | the words loki tells sylvie just when she’s given up and accepted that she’ll die on lamentis. that’s what makes loki a loki - yes, he fails over and over again but each and every time we’ve witnessed his ‘death’ he comes back or when things seem to possibly end for his story, loki still manages to survive.

LAMENTIS | based on the namesake of the episode, this is the nexus event that caused them to be found but what was it? personally, from watching the episode and keeping in mind that this is 2012!loki, i think that the nexus event was hope and acceptance between them. i think there’s genuine hope despite being stuck on a doomed planet about to become smaller flying rocks in space. in every apocalypse so far, we’ve seen that basically anticipating and accepting the end of the world doesn’t cause a breach in the timeline because what is there to hope for? it’s all going to be destroyed anyway no matter the little fake hope you have inside yourself telling you that everything is going to be alright. loki and sylvie up to this point haven’t had that kind of hope before ever in their lives. with the acceptance part, i think it's self-acceptance and acceptance of their roles in the universe. roll with me here, loki throughout the mcu has never accepted his fate or what's supposed to happen; he's always fighting it and trying to come out on top as a ruler of people whether it's earth, asgard and sakaar. he doesn't accept to not be a ruler or on the losing side of a battle against earth's mightiest heroes and at odds with the other marvel characters. he doesn't fully accept himself either because he didn't know he was adopted until at least one thousand years later and he couldn't accept that he wasn't destined for something other than a shadow or simply his title as the god of mischief. it made a lot more sense in my head tbh. a lot of people freaking out about this moment being loki falling in love with sylvie/himself but i don't think that's it. loki for once genuinely cares about someone else and i think it's platonic cause while i have little faith in the mouse house giving us more than confirmation that loki is bisexual, i don't think they'd make loki fall in love with himself.

LOKI'S TIME CELL | a nostalgic reveal we get is sif in this looped time cell plucked from loki's memory. apparently, he cut off a chunk of her hair because he thought it would be funny. in typical sif fashion, she proceeds to beat him up in retaliation as well of sharing some biting words. it's interesting how after a few loops and knees to the nuts, loki apologizes to sif about the prank and admits that he's afraid of being alone and acts narcissistic and like a pompous asshole if you will because of this fear. i think this is a bigger break through of his character than the one we saw in the first episode because he's admitting it to someone from his life that he highly respected but acted like a child to her to get her attention even if it was negative. i wish for more vulnerable loki moments because it continues to prove that loki isn't just the god of mischief, he can be more (as thor said in ragnarok).

MOBIUS VS LOKI | honestly, this whole interrogation scene screamed mobius being jealous of loki making pals with sylvie and i loved it. what i like is that mobius does air the sentiment that we all have in our heads after realizing that loki and sylvie did somehow click to create the nexus event. it's narcissism to the max. again, i think loki truly cares for sylvie in a platonic or even a familial sense since they both don't make connections too often with others (romantic or platonic).

HUNTER B-15 | i was wondering what happened with her after her run in with sylvie at the roxxcart supermarket. clearly, sylvie unlocked a memory within her subconscious as well and is starting to doubt herself. we don't see what memory of hers it was but it's enough to make her break protocol and go against the TVA later on in the episode. in conclusion, we have no choice but to stan this queen. also seems like she wasn't reset in that final battle so we'll hopefully see her in the next episode.

RAVONNA & MOBIUS | their friendship is put to the test in this episode. while being of a higher position than mobius, ravonna does seem to care deeply for mobius. she said so herself, she wants to protect mobius...but from the truth instead of the false danger about sylvie that she's filling his head with. ravonna clearly knows a lot more than she's letting on and that the TVA is an elaborate lie. i think she wants to protect mobius from the truth because she doesn't seem to have other close friendships like the one with him. it's also clear she cares for him when he's pruned (supposedly!) by another hunter. also, there's this other analyst/field agent mobius always brings up when we see them in her office so i wonder if it's someone who also knows about the grand lie the TVA is or is even some alternate variant of kang the conqueror who we know is supposed to be introduced in the third ant-man movie. it'd be interesting to see if kang is teased one way or another in the final two episodes.

DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU DESERVE TO BE ALONE? | the question mobius poses to loki when he starts to believe that they may be telling the truth. it's an interesting question to pose because we've been hearing it and have seen it throughout the mcu with loki. the time loop loki's stuck in, sif tells him that he'll always be alone. throughout the mcu, loki has been alone in his plans and mischief despite being surrounded by his family, his future enemies, and his people. loki has known nothing but being on his own, being his own island of chaos. as sylvie put it earlier, they're a product of the universe trying to break free, chaos. mobius knows that this nexus event has something to do with the two of them, for once, accepting that they're not alone or that they're not just a cosmic mistake, there's hope for them to be whatever they want and not just confined to their mischievous roles.

RAVONNA & SYLVIE | in the elevator, sylvie confronts ravonna about her crime as a child. it's something everyone wants to know, what does a young loki have to do to be charged and reset by the TVA? ravonna seems to know that this something she can leverage and torture sylvie with so she claims to not remember. sylvie says that it must've been important and severe enough to mess up the sacred timeline. maybe she wasn't supposed to know that she was adopted until later in her life like our loki. she's supposed to be causing trouble and be this terrible villain but what if with sylvie knowing her true parentage at such an early age, she learned to accept herself/identity and made peace with it. that's another thing that could've caused the nexus event between the two, they had found self-acceptance even at just the brink of death. maybe they're supposed to do so but later in their lives in their own timelines so that's why it's enough to destroy the TVA as mobius hinted at earlier. happy that sylvie decided to keep ravonna for information so i expect the next episode to have them in ravonna's office or still in the timekeeper chambers as ravonna tells us what is going on.

THE TIMEKEEPERS | when sylvie beheads the central timekeeper, we learn that they're mindless androids. it never ends, there's no throne to sit upon after killing them so it seems. it was all just a giant hoax but this further feeds into my personal theory that kang, one way or another, is behind all of this. what i find really interesting is how the other two timekeepers laugh when sylvie beheads one. whoever is behind controlling the fake androids, they have a way to see what is happening and communicate in real time with the TVA agents and variants. hopefully in the final two episodes we see what the hell is going on and how the TVA came to be and why.

LOKI POST CREDIT SCENE | so apparently, loki isn't reset or something of the sorts. he's actually sent to another world. i believe this is an alternate new york where we'll see president loki as you can see the remains of the old avengers tower. this makes me think about mobius' fate to be similar to loki's; possibly sent to either the same place or a similar world. we see three human new lokis here. from the credits, we have classic loki (richard e. grant), kid loki (jack veal), and boastful loki (deobia oparei). apparently there's also a crocodile!loki and i'm here for it. can't wait to see how our favorite variant gets out of it next week!

oh god, this was so rusty and unorganized but hope if whoever reads this can somewhat understand the points i'm trying to get across.

[shortyisweird9]

'Lonely ghost serie'

Quiet Night - part I

Tw: swearing ⚠️

It all started on a quiet night, the raining outside trying desperately to calm your nerves. To stop this feeling of shutting down that creeps down your back.

You don't know why you feel like this, why your internal organs feel like they will give up on you any second, why your lungs seemed to be on the verge of collapsing, why you couldn't sleep and why you couldn't keep your mind quiet. Your anxiety made you feel like every you think you have will be gone on the blink of the eye, your depression made you feel worthless, just a waste of space, time, money and resources. A nothing that won't be missed if something were to happened to it. But they were wrong , you were more than that.

You sighed, licking your dry lips as your tired eyes watched the dark room. Shadows that made your imagination ran wilde. When you were a kid , you used to be afraid of the dark ,now you found solace in it. Shelter from the loud,obnoxious, scary world that was outside of your small house.

What I won't give from some water.

You didn't want to get up as you fixed your disheveled clothes on your plump body but you couldn't sleep on the overturned bed or have any wish to hop on YouTube or any crime investigation shows. You couldn't shout at your cat to bring you water, she will ignore you anyway.

You sighed, cleaning your eyes fron what remained of your tears before sucking in the walls of your mouth to create some interesting sounds of boredom.

As your mind did the excruciatingly hard task of thinking, your phone binged. A message but from who?

It was from your friend, Sabrina. She is an avid player of Among us even start a channel called dum Red where she and other classmates played. You are cool with the game ,not your favourite but a good pass up time.

"Hey, what's up?" She wrote.

"This early you are up?"

"Yeah ,why not."

"*?"

"You will be dead tomorrow. "

"I suffer for the entertainment of others."

You laughed as you imagined the face full of tiredness of your friend. You were the night owl of the group but she... she is an imposter. Trying to pass up as a night owl but she is just a morning seagull.

"So.. wanna come up on the feed? =))"

"Hmm..you sure? I don't want to fuck up your stream."

"Nonsense, they will love you."

You sighed, it's not like you had anything better to do.

"Fine."

"Yayyyy💖💖"

You groaned as your eyes burned from the brightness of the monitor, the writing hazy as ever. You moved to get your glasses from the night table, stretching and sighing when you heard the satisfying pop from your lower back. As you let Windows ran its course ,you grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, cold water was superior by a long shot. Your cat was watching you with her big yellow eyes. You baby talked with her for a bit ,petting her then washing your hands.

The invitation of the link long send ,was quickly tapped in.

"Hey ,guys! Welcome back!" Your friend's voice ran in your room before you entered the headphones cord.

"Guys, I told you it was pink. You never believe me."

You smiled as the usual banter raged on , nice to know that even at this hour people were more alive than asleep.

"Yeah, yeah. Roberts you always complain."

"Because I am always right."

"Cool your jets ,Jamal. Don't pull out the 9."

They laughed at their friend's expanse.

"Whatever."

"Um ,Red?"

"Yeah , Steve? What's up?"

"The sky."

"Robert, shut."

"Um..who is ghost?"

"Who? Ah! Everyone ,please say hi to my friend, Y- ghost!"

The loud chorus of salutations hit your ears as their characters circled around your still one. It was white with red pointy horns ,you liked the aesthetic of it.

"Um..ghost? Are you-..Are you there?"

"Ghost?"

You sighed, getting ready to talk after making sure it was on.

"Ghost? Hey, it's okay. We don't bite." A worried voice calm you a bit.

"Not too hard, ha."

"Ghost!"

"Ghost!"

"Ghost!"

They all began hitting on the desks with their fists to create a beat. Poor desks.

"Gho-"

"'Sup motherfuckers."

The quiet settled in, making your dread more prominent and your skin tingle. You wanted to say something but the boys and girls beat you to it:

"OH MY - FUCKING- GOD!"

"NO FUCKING WAY!"

"What the fuck? Sovereign is that you?"

"Red you didn't tell us your friends with a MOTHERFUCKING reaper."

You laughed as the voice changer made it deeper, mechanic but enought to ignite something judging by the face of your school pal , Matthew.

"What's the manner toots? My voice is too much to handle?"

They were quiet again as Matthew cleaned his throat to finally address.

"Very funny, best friend. I am dying of laughter. "

He smiled though, knowing you were just teasing him.

"The matter of death remains to be determine."

"Phew ,is it hot in here or it's just..."

"You. It's just you." You spoke watching the blond boy with milk skin and acne scars move his green shirt to cool off, you chuckled at this.

People are so easy to get a reaction from. Not like you, yourself, haven't been affected by the charm of a deep voice.

"Ready to play?" Came the cheery voice of Sabrina as you watched her move in the chair, playing with her sand blonde curls and wearing your lavender hoodie.

"You still haven't got me the hoodie back, Red."

"Yeah, Red. You don't want Sovereign daddy to be mad,do you?"

You snorted in an ugly manner at the nicknamed a dude called David put you. He had a small moustache, black curls fit in a square like afro. He may be the Arab friend Sabrina told you about. He seemed nice, maybe a bit shy but then again so were you. Hmm...not shy,more like reserved. You liked being alone but you also craved the touch of another being.

"Mommy, David, mommy. "

"Ooooh!"

"Alright you horny bitches ,time to play."

With that Sabrina began the match as your smirk grew when the word IMPOSTER was displayed on your screen.

Time to kill some bitches.

————————————————————

In the other corner of the internet, Corpse was getting ready to hop on another live stream with Jackie boy and Pewds. He loved how his life changed , how his supporters were kind and understanding. He was still nervous yes but the thrill was outweighed by the happiness of just being around so many good people.

His phone started to blow up as he was putting his headphones. People were tagging him on a small video of an Among us live stream, he pressed play not thinking much about the title of the video : HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?!!

The film started with the host presenting their friends who seemed to by a bit scared of saying hi. The others started cheering them on but stopped abruptly when a deep mechanical voice hit their audio. It was from a voice changer no doubt but still..it shocked them as it did for him.

His eyes skipped on the funny comments left by his fans. Some where calling them his twin, other called for a collab and others thought it was actually he who spoke.

The other thing that stood out was the match. Ghost as she calls herself ended their match in one go... by killing all of them except the other imposter. He smiled at that , impressed of the skill of a casual player as her friend dum Red said she was.

A notification came from Discord, it was Lily. She send the same video he's been watching with the caption: Hey, guys! Look what I found.

The others flooded the chat with their own reaction as he drank his boba tea. The consensus was that they wanted to play with this person. His smile grew was the word 'yes' was sent.

This will be fun.

————————————————————

Hey guys! 💖

Hope you liked the first part of the serie! Feel free to comment your thoughts and opinions but please be nice and respectful. 👉🥺👈

Anyway, see yah!