#But I am saying THIS is such a connecting tissue

[star--nymph]

It’s so important to me that the basis of Eurydice’s and Dorian’s relationship, the core of it, is that they recognized each as abuse children. Eurydice not understanding Dorian’s speech or coping mechanisms until she met his father in the tavern and knew intimately—though maybe not consciously—what this was because she had known it. She knew a father that did not love his child as they were, did not understand them, did not want them, violently tried to change them to fit his preferred mold. That all he wanted was an object, no a son. And she marveled at Dorian’s ability to acknowledge it and refuse to play into any longer.

Brave. When Eurydice meant Dorian was brave, she meant in a specific way and he knew it. That’s why he paused—because Dorian is smart and perceive in a way she isn’t and he doesn’t need that many clues to know how they were bonded.

and yet for all that Eurydice curled around him like a protective older sibling, offered him the elven name of ‘brother’ and stood vigilant over him.

and later that night when they were drunk and Eurydice spoke the things her father had done to her and then begging Dorian not to say it, not to make it real because she would not—could not— hear that her father did not love her (that she wasn’t ready), he let her have it.

But he kept that secret and watched her, waiting until she was ready—when it was her turn to be break apart and be brave.

[dont-offend-the-bees]

YAY the messy unreadable first draft of Lonely Bones ch3 is done!! All I have to do is edit so it'll be ready in *checks word count* .... three weeks.

[yki-dolls]

Me: I'm so back

Me the second I say that:

[compacflt]

wip wednesday: trying to solve my narrative issues by spending a fuckton of time mapping them out

[dredshirtroberts]

well. if nothing else One Person in the medical field has decided i fall in line with enough symptoms to confidently talk about what she thinks it probably aligns with. There's still things I gotta do in order to keep ruling things out, but... I don't know... I have hope? which is weird to come out with after a diagnosis of something that's symptom-management only but like. yeah i might have this forever but also I know what it is.

[imaginarycircus]

Jeez FC. Where do I begin? Put your phone down. You’re already in danger of removing your fingerprints. Consider using a serrated knife for slicing tomatoes unless that knife is razor sharp, which brings me back to the unhappy future laid out for your finger tips. And for Pete’s sake why would you put raw eggplant in a salad of haphazard lettuce and 1.5 slices of cucumber. Don’t subject yourself to bitter, spongey croutons. You don’t have to live this way.

[blackwaxidol]

submerged myself in Silent Hill too much and came up from the water again after several hours with new feelings on things.

[linopls]

kinktober day three

makeup sex minho x fem!reader summary: minho hasn't been the best boyfriend lately, but he wants to make it up to you. warnings: SMUT MINORS DNI, soft soft soft sex, unprotected sex 1.3k words

you’re sat at your kitchen table, your eyes are swollen and your nose is red. a mug of coffee between your hands, it's been sitting for so long it's gone cold. the table is littered with tissues and a full bowl of soggy cereal is left completely uneaten.

“y/n.”

you hear a familiar voice call out your name. you never even noticed that someone came through the door. you sniffle and wipe your nose with your sleeve and turn around.

“get out,” you whisper when you see who’s standing in your doorway.

“y/n,” minho sighs. “i’m sorry.”

minho walks towards you and you turn around and lay your head on the table. he pulls one of the kitchen chairs up next to you and sits down. he places one of his hands on your back and rubs smalls circles.

“y/n, i’m sorry.”

“i don’t want to hear it,” you snap and sit up. 

minho pulls his arm away quickly and places it in his lap. 

“you ignore my calls, my texts, you don’t do surprise visits anymore.” you turn to face him. “you haven’t said i love you in two months, two months!”

you begin to cry. minho scoots his chair closer and places one of his hands on your cheek.

“y/n, i’m sorry. you might not believe me, but i am truly sorry. i promised you i would come over last night and i didn’t. i’ve been distant without reason and i am sorry. so truly sorry.” you can see tears start to form in his eyes, and for a second you almost feel guilty.

“am i not good enough for you?” you ask between choked sobs.

“y/n,” minho says meekly. “don’t ever say that.”

“i can’t think of any other reason.”

“i’m scared,” minho confessed. “i am scared to love you. i want to love you and give you everything your heart could ever desire but i am scared. everything i’ve ever cared about or love disintegrates before me and i don’t want that to happen with you.”

“oh.”

minho wipes a tear from your cheek and leans in to kiss you. you apprehensively kiss him back. he kisses you slow and gentle, continuing to wipe the tears that fall onto your face. he pulls away and connects his forehead to yours.

“y/n, my love, will you ever forgive me?”

you ponder for a second, wondering if you should give him a second chance. his words seem genuine. you’re interrupted from your thoughts by him asking.

“can i show you how sorry i am and then you can decide?” he slowly caresses your cheek again and plants a kiss on your nose.

“please,” he cries.

you nod and he stands up from the chair and picks you up bridal style. 

“you’re wearing my sweatshirt,” he points out. 

“mhm, i missed you,” you mumble.

once in your room, minho gently lays you down on your bed. he moves to the end of the bed and starting at your ankles, he slowly kisses his way up your clothed body, whispering an assortment of compliments as he makes his way up.

“you’re so pretty,” he says as he kisses right below your knee.

“you’re the soulmate of my dreams,” he whispers, kissing at your stomach.

“i love you more than words can say.” you can feel his warm breath on your neck.

“you’re my one and only,” he mumbles against your jaw.

“i love you, y/n,” he says before softly pressing a kiss to your lips. 

you’re quick to interlock your lips to his. his gentle actions and sweet words make tears pool in the corner of your eyes. you cusp both hands around his cheeks and he wraps one of his arms around your lower back to pull you closer to him.

minho is the first to pull away, breathless his whispers, “god, y/n, i love you so much. i’m so sorry i ever caused you pain.”

you caress your thumbs against his cheeks. “please, minho, i need you,” you whine.

minho begins to kiss back down your jaw and neck. he leaves several marks along your collarbone and moves down to kiss your lower stomach. he hooks his fingers under the waistband of your pants and gently pulls them down your legs, placing gentle kisses at your exposed skin.

“min,” you whimper.

“don’t worry, baby, i’m gonna take care of you.”

he places his hands on both your knees and gently parts your legs. he moves himself face to face with your core, his hot breath sending shivers down your spine. he places a gentle kiss to your clit and licks a long stripe from your hole to your bud. you moan quietly and your back arches, begging for more. minho wraps one of his arms under your thighs and latches his lips to your clit, sucking gently on the bundle of nerves.

you moan and whine in response, interlocking your fingers in his hair trying to move him as close as possible. minho moves his unoccupied hand to your hole, gently teasing it with one of his fingers. he pushes the finger in slowly and you moan out in pleasure.

“please, minho,” you whine.

he slowly begins to fuck his finger in and out of your sopping wet hole. before long, he adds a second and third fingers. you feel yourself quickly coming to your release and you tighten your grip on his hair and slowly rut against his face. minho works slightly faster and hums and moans against your cunt.

“i’m gonna cum,” you moan, rutting against his face uncontrollably.

“mhm,” he responds, not breaking contact from your core.

with a few more thrusts of his thick fingers, your orgasm takes over your body. minho’s never made you finish more intensely. your eyes roll to the back of your head, your back arches off the bed, and you can feel your release drip down your thighs. after fucking you through your orgasm, minho starts to lick up the release dripping down your thighs and places one last kiss to your sensitive core before moving back up to attach his lips to yours.

“need you,” you mumble against his lips.

minho chuckles. “want me to go again?”

“no, no, no. need you,” you whine, grabbing his hips and pulling them against yours.

“oh, of course, anything for the love of my life,” he says, slowly taking his sweatpants off.

you part your legs for him again and he lines his dick to your core and pushes in slowly. you both moan softly as he pushes himself full inside you. minho balances himself on his knees and grabs one of your legs from the underside of your knee, pushing it back against your body. he slowly slides himself out and back in, the new angle causing you to moan loudly. he moves his unoccupied hand to your clit and rubs small and gentle circles on the already sensitive bud. 

“s-so good,” you moan, grabbing his forearm with both hands.

minho giggles and starts to thrust faster into you. the overstimulation causes tears to form in your eyes, you can quickly feel the knot form in your stomach again as minho begins to work faster on your clit. 

“fuck, i’m gonna cum again.”

“cum with me please,” minho moans, pushing your leg even closer to your body and fucks into even faster.

you nod and let your release take over your body once again. minho is quick to follow and you can feel him twitch and paint your walls white. the feeling makes your eyes roll back and toes curl. minho slowly continues to move through both your orgasms. when you’ve both calmed down, he gently collapses on top of your body without pulling out and nuzzles his head in the crook of your neck.

“i love you,” minho whispers, placing one last kiss to your neck.

soft minho hours fr

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[mj0702]

The other Bronze – Pt. 16 🔞

This Chapter contains some adult content

Por mi vida... Te amo a la luna y de vuelta mi hermosa....♥️

“You can keep dreaming because that won't happen” the dark haired woman laughed

“Worth a try” you smirked as you pulled Jennis jersey over your head

“Dear jesus Christ” you gagged lightly after you sniffed the fabric “Sure you only wore that for that game??”

“Actually no... that's the same one we wore at the Euro final” the spaniard deadpanned “We're broke you know... we have to re-use jerseys”

“Seriously??” you asked outraged your eyes wide with shock while Lucy started to snicker behind you

“Of course not... but you and your stupid tactic had me run a lot – sorry that my jersey doesn’t smell like detergent” Jenni rolled her eyes

“I think it was a good tactic” you defended yourself pouting “Lucy you tell her”

“You put me in goal!!!” your sister exclaimed

“Yeah... that was funny.. the way you panicky screamed at Mills to keep “that bloody ball far FAR away” from you....” you chuckled as your sister hit your shoulder

“Y/N... you still have something to do” now Sarina interrupted and you know you still need to come up with an apology to Rubiales

“How believable would it be if I suddenly have a stroke?” you asked the dutch innocently and all players around you snorted

“Not very believable... come on... the sooner you get it over with the sooner I can reward you for your actions” the blonde coach winked

“Hermoso” you looked at Jenni “... it was a pleasure as always... I have to go and fake apologize to your... whatever he is”

“Oh Corazon... I didn't even show you pleasure but okay...” the dark haired winked “and he's the federation president”

“He's a fucking cunt that's what he is” you grumbled not even catching up on Jennis comment

“And THAT'S exactly what we don't say in our apology” Sarina said chuckling

“Do I really have to come up with an apology on the spot without swear words?” you asked in disbelieve

“Yes Bitsy...” Keira rolled her eyes “... and I know you can – you always pull your head out of the sling somehow”

“Okay okay... give me a minute okay” you huffed starting to think of what to say “... Hermoso could you stop drooling over me abs? I know they're fantastic – me girlfriend tells me every time we...”

“STOP talking!” Lucy exclaimed shuddering at the thought of you and Georgia doing anything else than holding hands while Jenni, Keira and Sarina bursted out laughing

“It's distracting!!!” you huffed

“I am distracting you?” Jenni smirked enjoying the little banter which distracted HER from the previous incident

“Not you... you eyes” you grumbled “I need to think quick here”

“Come on Liefje” Sarina suddenly pulled you away “We won't get anywhere if you butterfly with Hermoso all the time”

“I'm NOT butterflying” you huffed annoyed

“Yes you are... now... this is going to happen now... you are going to apologize officially right in front of the crowd and later again at the post-match press” the dutch said and you grimaced

“Really? In front of the crowd?” you whined

“Yes... this is damage control and when everyone sees how “sorry” you are we have a good chance that FIFA won't interfere” Sarina said seriously and you huffed

“But I don't wanna” you whined again but one look from the dutch shut you right off

“You'll do fine Bitsy okay... you're good at that” Keira squeezed your shoulder supporting

“Ugh.... fine” you huffed annoyed as someone handed you a microphone connected to the stadium speakers

You started to walk out of the tunnel and you knew the second the camera caught you and your picture appeared on the big screens since suddenly there was loud cheering and it made you smirk. You walked all the way to the kick off point standing there for a second taking a deep breath before turning around facing the spanish bench where Vida and Rubiales were still standing. You saw how the medics just packed their stuff together and how Rubiales had two tissues hanging out of his nose. You really needed to bite your tongue so you wouldn't start laughing – you were “sorry” after all. At least that's what Sarina told you you were. You saw how all the players – Lionesses and Spanish – were lingering in the tunnel entrance waiting for your speech

“Hi” you started awkwardly looking into the stands after the crowd calmed a little bit which caused a new round of cheering and whistleing. Vida and Rubiales looked at you expectantly and when they saw you wore Jennis Jersey you saw how Rubiales jaw set challenging.

“Okay guys... I'm here to apologize for me actions towards Mr. Rubiales a few minutes ago” you said using your “I'm so so SO sorry”-voice “... I honestly don't know what caused me to act the way I did... I'm in the wrong here because violence is never the answer no matter how disgus... no wait... I'm not allowed to say that... violence is never the answer! Let stop there... I never meant to assault you Mr. Rubiales...” you looked at Rubiales himself trying to sell your apology so hard by talking directly to him “... I never meant to hurt you and I don't have an explanation for what happened. Please believe me when I say I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart”

Even you know you went a little over but you really REALLY tried not to verbally assault him right now

“You did nothing but being polite to me and what happens in your federation is not my business” you said and some people would swear they heard a threatening undertone “I hope you accept me apology and we can forget this... incident”

You walked back towards the tunnel before making a turn towards Rubiales himself offering you your hand to shake it. He grabbed your hand hard his jaw still set when you pulled him a little forward

“If you ever pull off something like that again you fucking cunt I personally will cut off your balls and feed them to you through your asshole and then I make sure that there's no inch of DNA left of your existence...” you growled into his ear covering it up with clapping on his shoulder like both of you made up “... most of them players I consider my friends – family even... I don't take it lightly if they get put in an uncomfortable situation and I always will have their back”

You let go of him smiling sweetly before turning around walking back into the tunnel where everyone stared of it with disbelieving looks. You smirked feeling great pride and satisfaction with yourself.

“I am REALLY proud of you Liefje” Sarina beamed as you reached her letting her pull you into a hug

“I can't believe it... you actually delivered a grown up apology” Leah said her face showed pure shock

“Yeah well...” you shrugged your shoulders

“I can't believe you apologized” Mapí looked at you a little disappointed

“Had to... they made me” you pointed at Sarina, Keira and Lucy

“I'm proud you didn't punch him again – I was worried there for a second when you made a beeline for him” Lucy threw her arm over your shoulder standing next to you proudly “And you didn't threaten him”

“I definitely didn't” you quickly said and your voice was a little high-pitched

“Bitsy” Keira warned you

“Hm?” you looked at her innocently

“Please don't tell me you did...” the blonde looked at you expectantly

“So... my reward” you turned towards Sarina

“Bitsy!” Keira exclaimed

“What? You said to not tell you... so I don't” you defended yourself

“What did you say... I knew that handshake was a cover up... I KNEW IT” Keira said annoyed

“Look... I just let him know how... I consider most of the spanish team me family... and that I'll always will have their back” you said honestly “andhowIwillfeedhimhisballsandthattherewon'tbeanyDNAleftifhepullssomeshitlikethisagain” you mumbled before quickly sprinting behind Alexia and Jenni ducking for cover

“Come again???” Keira looked at you shocked while the spanish players looked at you confused since you spoke to fast for them to understand

“Could you repeat that for the not english speakers please Cariño?” Alexia said confused

“I rather not” you mumble “Keira will have me head”

Luis Rubiales chose that exact moment to walk into the tunnel and you immediately stood up taller again moving in front of Jenni in a protective manner – which looked kind of ridiculous since Jenni was over a head bigger than you. He threw a death glare at you but continued walking as the crowd of english and spanish players parted like the sea for Moses.

“It's kind of cute how you try to protect me little one” Jenni chuckled from behind you

“He's a... Mapí... worst spanish curse word you know” you spat looking at Mapí

“Cojones or Cono” Mapí easily provided earning herself a really hard slap to the head from Irene and a death glare from Alexia

“That... he's both of that...” you growled looking after Rubiales

“Don't teach her that” Irene told Mapí off harshly

“She asked” the blonde tattooed woman defended herself

“And you CHOSE to answer” the Vice-Capitan answered

“I just wanted to helpful...” Mapí mumbled pouting

“Don't push it María León and just keep your mouth shut” Irene grumbled

“Bitsy... come here sweetie” Keira cooed sweetly

“Oh no... not gonna fall for that... it's like the time you told me you wouldn't get angry if I tell you what I did and after I told you you made me do push ups in the pouring rain” you shook your head looking at her scared shuffling backwards

“I promise...” the blonde tried again smiling sweetly but you saw right through it

“No no... I think I'm gonna stay with Ona” you said and the people who knew you could hear the slight fear in your voice

“You still have a pre-match conference to attend” Sarina reminded you smirking

“Aaaawww maaaaan” you whined “I did what you told me to do – why do I have to sit through that as well?”

“Because it was your game today and not mine” the dutch said “So YOU are going to answer all the questions... in a nice civilized manner”

“Ugh” you huffed and turned to walk towards the media room “But I'm not sitting next to that sorry excuse of a human being”

“Good evening Ladies and Gentleman – this is the post-match conference and we have 60 Minutes. We do it the usual way and go 30 minutes each. All question have to remind professional and under no circumstances will private questions answered. You all have one question if you want a follow up you have to talk to the person if they're willing to do one. We start with questions for the representatives of the english Lionesses Head Coach Sarina Wiegman and Y/N Bronze before going to the spanish representatives Jorge Vilda and Luis Rubiales” the coordinator said and you knew the cameras where already on so you pushed the urge down to roll your eyes your face staying stoic “We're starting with Alex Scott”

You exhaled deeply knowing Alex wouldn't ask anything regarding the Rubiales-event and probably would ask something frivolous.

“Alex Scott for BBC Sports” Alex started smiling at you “A question for Y/N Bronze”

“I know your name and where you work... I've known you for years now” you interrupted her confused which lifted the mood in the room since all of the reporters started chuckling

“That's how it goes y/n... we reporters have to introduce ourselves before asking the question” Alex smiled at you

“Oh okay...” you said quickly “... sorry for interrupting”

“No problem... but my question to you... we were all informed beforehand through different social media channels that you joined the Lionesses as a side line analyst – how comes that you basically dictated the game today?”

“I was given the chance by Sarina... Mrs. Wiegman... Coach? What do I call you?” you started then looked at Sarina unsure which caused another round of light laughter

“Sarina is fine...” the dutch smiled encouraging squeezing your knee under the table in a calming manner

“Sarina gave me the chance to work on a tactic for this game – Spain is a hard opponent to play. I got to Camp with Lucy... Bronze... Lucy Bronze my sister” you started but then got all nervous again since you actually never had to do any press stuff before.

Again Sarina jumped in by stroking over your knee calming

“... but you all know that...” you chuckled at your idiocy “... so when we arrived at Camp Sarina pulled me aside telling me she wanted me to watch some of the spanish games and to come up with a play where we at least can annoy them a little bit. I'm pretty sure she just did that to keep me occupied so I wouldn't do some stupid shit...” you said but quickly slapped your hand over your mouth “... I mean so I don't do... stuff... but yeah... after I sat down with her showing her some plays she told me to put a starting XI together.. at this point I still thought it was all like... hypothetical.. so I did... after that she said that she liked what I came up with and that she trusts me and that I'll have the lead on the game...”

“Would you be interested in answering a follow up?” Alex asked quickly knowing that she only had a short time frame before the next reporter would be called up

“For you always... I mean... you did change me diapers – I think it's just fair” you grinned

“And you were so squirmy about it... but my follow up... what made you come up with putting Lucy in Goal?” the short woman asked smiling

“Knew you would pick up on that” you laughed feeling slightly more relaxed “... that was a last second decision – I had four subs planned... two at half time, two around 70th minute... I left one slot for a possible injury sub – I played some players who just came back from an injury and I didn't want to overwork them. That's why I subbed Meado off 73rd minute in... she played outstanding and I didn't want to risk setting her back in her recovery... I quickly talked to her after she came off and she said she felt good but also appreciated getting off. So after I didn't need the left over slot and Lucy was mean to me earlier – and Keira said she would pay to see Lucy in Goal – I thought... why not... and come on... it was funny seeing her panicky waving her arms around like a monkey absolutely losing her plot screaming at Mills to keep the ball far FAR away” you laughed which caused the room to interrupt in laughter

“Okay next question please...” the coordinator said also laughing and called up a reporter you didn't knew who had a question for Sarina so you turned out and started to look around the room with a bored face which ended in a edit about how you and Lucy are so much alike in conferences

“Question for Y/N Bronze...” a young lad said and after you didn't react in the slightest being busy counting the sponsor labels on the wall behind you Sarina flicked your ear

“Huh??” you looked at you confused

“There's a question for you” the dutch gestured towards the room “Attention on the room”

“Sorry...” you said embarrassed

“You got a yellow card... how did that happened?” the young reporter asked

“First of all... that wasn't MY yellow card... THAT was Onas yellow card” you started serious but your lip tugged upwards and everyone noticed that you were joking “... she committed the foul... I just... asked the Ref if she doesn't see the need to card it”

You heard Sarina clear her throat next to you and you looked at her innocently

“What? I did” you defended yourself

“You took my glasses and ask the Ref if she needs them to and I quote “see a foul when it's happening”...” the dutch looked at you unimpressed

“Not my fault she's a blind moron – that WAS a yellow card” you exclaimed before remembering where you are and – again – slapping your hand over your mouth

Sarina exhaled deeply and started to pinch the bridge of her nose shaking her head slightly as the room erupted in laughter again

“Okay next question... Barry... your turn” the coordinator said and you tensed immediately.

Barry O'Connor was a legend under the reporters – he was one of the ones who could make you or break you. He never held back with the uncomfortable questions and he immediately knew when you lie and THAT he would use to break you.

“Thank you Tom... Barry O'Connor for The Guardian...” the older gruff man said and looked straight at you and you just KNEW what was coming “... question for Bronze... there was a slight – let's call it ruffle after the game... any comment on that?”

“Good evening Mr. O'Connor” you said politely “... I'm afraid you have to be more specific – there was a lot going on after the game”

“You punched the president of the spanish federation – the proof is sitting right there” the reporter said pointing at Rubiales

“Yeah... not my best moment is it... I want to apologize again and honestly I can't tell you what happened... I saw how he moved towards Jenni Hermoso and the next thing I know is Sarina yelling at me in the locker room...” you said and everyone in the room knew you told the truth “... I got the great honour to meet most of these players beforehand when I was visiting my sister in Barcelona and they welcomed me with open arms and helped me when I needed help – looked after me when I needed guidance... so I consider them as family... I don't take it likely if someone makes my family uncomfortable – which everyone who knows me can confirm... so I just – acted to protect my family”

“You said you needed help in Barcelona... what happened?” the older man asked

“Barry you had your question and we said from the start...” the coordinator interrupted but then got interrupted by you

“No it's okay... I'm honoured to be interesting enough to get a follow up by a reporter legend” you said and Sarina heard that you were about to get serious “It's not really a secret that I don't play because I suffered quiet early in my career from three ACL's... so even if I wanted to play I simply can't... in Barcelona a... incident happened that left me with a PTSD episode... all of them helped me afterwards – Mapí León right up top.. she went all the way to the airport to get me english chocolate... I got in the honour to get to know a few teams through Lucys career... if it was City, Lyon or now Barcelona... all of the teams have a special place in my heart but Barca now – they are something else... Alexia Putellas is an amazing leader – on and off the pitch... under her lead this team stepped up coming together as a family – no matter which nationality or background...”

You looked back at the reporter who smiled appreciative nodding slightly

“So yes... they helped me a great deal... even when I got overdosed on pain meds and didn't know what I was doing and gave them nicknames and was high as a kite” you winked

“Okay last question for the english side before we're moving on the spanish representatives” the coordinator said and pointed at a young blonde woman

“Thank you... Sarah Mulligan for ITV” the young woman said “Question for both Sarina and y/n... Sarina what made you involve y/n as much and y/n how did feel or managed with the pressure?”

“You first?” you looked at Sarina a little lost which caused the dutch to chuckle

“Thank you for your question” Sarina started and you interrupted her

“We have to thank for questions...” you exclaimed shocked before looked into the room “Thank you?”

This made everyone laugh again before Sarina continued

“It's polite Liefje” the dutch said lovingly “... but back to the question... I got to know y/n when she was recovering from her third surgery. I just took over from Phil Neville trying to get a read on the Team having called up a few young players but also some experienced ones – like Lucy Bronze. Lucy called me two days before Camp would start asking if she could bring her little sister who just got out of hospital. I agreed knowing from former games and also from stories how much Lucy cared for her sister. The moment I saw her for the very first time I knew she was someone special. She was still wearing a leg splint and was still on crutches but that didn't stop her from refusing help even going so far to hit Lucy away with her crutch...” the dutch remembering your first appearance smiling slightly “.... she was so grumpy and angry – a deep anger and I must admit I was unsure for a moment if it was a good idea to have her with the team. I feared she would bring the team spirit down – but I was wrong. So very wrong. The moment she stepped into the Hotel lobby and I saw how many players were happy to see her I knew it was the right decision. At the first training session she sat in the stands just staring down on the pitch – I must admit I kept an eye on her because Lucy asked me too... y/n never moved one muscle just stared down on the session. So I thought I let one of the assistants take over and went up to sit next to her. I sat down and asked how she was doing. Her answer was that I should rethink this formation because it's putting to much pressure on the midfield. Then she just stood up and left. I looked down on the pitch and saw Keira and Jordan Nobbs were struggling to keep up with the pace I tried to put up with the play. That was the moment I decided to get her involved more – one because she has an eye for things no one ever sees and two she needed a task. She needed something to take her mind off her injury and what it meant – what she lost. I got her involved a little bit more every camp and this time she finally accepted my offer to employ her full time which I know is a big step for her. But a big step in the right direction. A big step towards healing” the blonde said lovingly and squeezed your hand

“That got deep Mama Rina” you mumbled getting a little emotional before looking at the young reporter woman “Thank you for your question”

The room chuckled again enjoying your young easy and light way you were handling the situation of getting thrown into a press conference for the first time

“I'm sorry I can't provide such a deep meaningful answer but... I didn't feel any pressure to be honest. As I said before until the very last moment – the moment that Sarina made me explain my tactics to the team to be exact – it was all hypothetical for me. And after that I didn't really have time to feel pressured – I tell ya this team is a handful. Just yesterday Niamh called out Code Red – which means no one is allowed to leave – because she couldn't find her lucky socks... turns out the washed them in the sink and hung them on the balcony and they just fell off onto the balcony of Lottes... that's the shit you guys normally don't get to see” you said shaking your head when you remembered how ridiculously headless Niamh tore her room apart because of a pair of socks.

After the room quiet down from their round of laughter again the whole questioning shifted towards the spanish men and you started to spin with your chair until Sarina stopped you gently putting her hand on your arm to calm you down. You huffed but stayed still trying to listen to the answers of the Vilda and Rubiales but it was no use.

You heard your name a couple of times but since you didn't have any context you chose to ignore it – that was until a fuming Mapí León with an equally fuming Leila Ouahabi hot on her heels came blazing into the room both of them throwing some words at Vilda and Mapí even went so far to crawl onto the table separating the trainers from the reporters. Seconds later an angry looking Alexia entered the room just in time to grab Mapís ankle and pulling her back and away from the spanish national team coach. She tried to get her players under control by pulling both of them back by the hem of their jerseys. Mapí was kicking and screaming like a five year old – of course in spanish so you didn't understand a word – the only thing you understood was when Mapí yelled “mi Nena” - but when you looked at Vildas face it told you everything that you needed to know. You looked flabbergasted to Sarina who looked just as shocked and shrugged her shoulders before you turn towards the reporters where some just shook their head in disbelieve.

The post-match conference was ended pretty quickly after that and you basically jumped over the table sprinting out of the room past Keira and Lucy – who were waiting for you outside the room – towards the spanish locker room. This time you weren't as friendly as before and bolted through the door without knocking even tho you could hear Alexias angry voice half way down the corridor. The second you threw the door open the whole team looked at you and everyone fell silent – even Alexia.

“What the fuck just happened?” you looked at Alexia lost

“Cariño I love you I do... but this is something we have to talk about internally” Alexia said softly

“Mapí was about to strangle that mop in front of thousands and you say this is an internal thing?” you raised an eyebrow

“He called her a “lost little child who wears shoes that are to big for her and she's useless”... mi Nena knows EXACTLY what she's doing... mierda we lost FIVE zero...” Mapí started to rage again and you became big eyes

“Mapí ENOUGH” Alexia scolded her “Everyone SAW what she did and her head coach isn't a useless... culo like ours... there's no need for you to defend her... she has Lucy for that”

“But Lucy didn't do anything...” Mapí said outraged

“Because her spanish is shit and she probably didn't understand” you shrugged accepting the water bottle Ona held out for you “And the way you hesitated at the word “culo” means it's bad and I'll definitely save that down in me brain”

“No you won't Bebita” Ona smiled sweetly but you know just like with Keira it was a warning “Bad word”

“Then Alexia has to do push-ups... that the bad word rule!” you exclaimed and Alexia looked at you unimpressed

“I'm an adult... I can say whatever I want” the blonde spaniard said flatly

“Rule applies for everyone Capi” Jenni now grinned “Down on your hands and knees you go”

“What does culo mean?” you leaned over so you could whisper in Mapís ear

“Asshole” Mapí whispered back

“That'll make 15” you looked at Alexia “That word is an A-grade swear word.. A-grade swear words make 15 push ups...”

“I most definitely won't do any push-ups...” Alexia rolled her eyes

“But I always have to do them” you whined

“And look how much more your arms and shoulders are defined since I last saw you” the spanish capitan smiled and pinched your cheek

“You suck” you grumbled pushing yourself behind Ona to seek cover from her prying hands

“No little one... that's me... she's more the...” Jenni smirked but before she could end the sentence she got punched very hard in the shoulder by Alexia

“Come on Bebita... let's get you back to the Lionesses...” Ona said lovingly already pushing you forward slightly “Say bye-bye”

“Ass-dios” you waved which caused the younger players to explode in laughter – including Jenni – while Alexia threw you a death glare as Ona quickly pushed you out the door

“Keira...” Ona yelled seeing Keira down the corridor

“There you are!!! We where searching the whole place for you!!” Keira exclaimed the second she laid eyes on you “Don't you ever do that again!!!”

“I was just at the spaniards and pretty spaniard taught me a new word” you smiled at the blonde proudly

“Don't even” Ona warned you

“What happened?” Keira turned towards the blonde spaniard

“She suddenly kicked in our locker room door... and didn't except “it's an internally affair” from Alexia” your sisters girlfriend shrugged her shoulders

“Uh Kei...” you pulled on her jacket a little bit “Alexia said an A-grade swear word... and she refused to do push-ups”

“Really now... we can't have that now can we?” Keira mused sensing that you started to get tired and pulled you into her side winking at Ona before turning around slowly leading you back towards the Lioness locker room pulling out her phone to text Lucy and Leah that she “found” you

“You little shite...” Lucy started immediately but got cut off by Keira

“Leave her be... she's dead on her feet” the blond said firmly basically carrying all your weight your head on her shoulder

“Come here Bubs” Lucy exhaled deeply hoisting you away from Kei into her own arms cradling you like you were a three year old again while Keira got all your bags

“How bad is it outside?” your sister asked Leah who sneaked a look outside looking at the crowd waiting for the players to emerge from the stadium walking to the bus

“Nothing we're not used too...” the blonde capitan shrugged

“I'm asking because of her” Lucy nodded towards your sleeping form in her arms slightly drooling on your sisters jacket “If she gets startled half the team won't get an inch of sleep tonight – you remember the drama after the France game?”

“Wait... I get the noise cancelling headphones” Mary said thinking quickly pulling already on Rachels headphones getting them off her and carefully sliding them on your head.

You quickly got startled by the sudden loss of hearing but Lucy had you under control quickly by manoeuvring your head into her neck. The moment you smelled the familiar scent of your sister skin you relaxed again becoming boneless in her arms.

“She's so out” Keira chuckled

“You surprised?” Lucy answered hoisting you up a little more “Fuck me... this was easier when she was 3”

“No shit Sherlock” Millie deadpanned “Gimme... I'll carry her”

“Naah – we're good” your sister said but smiled at her teammate thankfully “I'll just bring her into the bus and then come out to sign some stuff...”

“You don't have to – you're not obligated to do so and you know it” Leah said seriously

“I know... but they waited long enough now and she'll be good once she's inside the bus” your sister answered “Let's get this show on the road”

As soon as the doors opened the fans went wild – as usual and Lucy was so SO thankful for Marys quick thinking of putting the noise cancelling headphones over your ears. Your sister walked quickly with you in her arms towards the bus disappearing inside it. She disposed you into her own seat asking the bus driver if he could have half an eye on you. Of course he agreed quickly being a fan of you himself with all the shenanigans you came up with all the time.

Your eyes fluttered open slowly and you were met with – darkness. Darkness and softness. You bolted upright searching for your phone in the dark. Getting more arrogated which each passing second you knocked over a bottle of water which caused a light to get switched on and you were met with the sleepy looking form of your girlfriend.

“What you doing baby?” Georgia asked her voice raspy

“What are you doing in my room?” you asked confused “Why am I in my room??”

“Firstly... that's my room... secondly... you were out like a light once Keira found you and then YOU wouldn't let go of me shirt and Keira got Lucy to agree to let us room for tonight under the promise that I won't touch you in any “not biblical” form” your girlfriend informed you

“Wait... what day is it???” you looked at her confused

“What?” Georgia asked equally confused

“Day baby... what DAY is it?” you looked at her like you're going to have a mental breakdown any second

“Still Wednesday... game day.. 23:48... why” G answered keeping her voice even to not set you off further

“Oh thank fuck” you sighed “Get ready... come on... take your phone”

You ushered your girlfriend out of her bed – not without ogling her body for a second longer that would go through as “biblical” - and then out of the room up a floor hiding behind a corner taking out our phone.

“23:52... perfect” you grinned

“What have you planned??” your girlfriend whispered in your ear from behind/above you which cause a shiver to run down your spine

“Welcoming Sarinas new year of age” you swallowed hard trying not to think what you could do now with your girlfriend instead of hiding waiting for the pipers to come down the corridor.

“Oh god... WHAT did you do??” G whisper yelled “If I get in trouble for it...”

“Please... as if I let you get in trouble” you snorted spotting the first piper stepping out of the elevator

“Oh god... oh god no... no no no no no” your girlfriend mumbled with wide eyes having spotted the piper as well “You didn't”

“Oh I so did... mi Vida” you grinned evilly

“Me what?” Georgia asked confused

“No idea... Lucy always calls Ona that – probably something dirty turn ons in spanish” you shrugged your shoulder “Where the fuck are Toons and Less?? And Jill... where is Jill?”

The moment you said it you saw your two best friends sprinting down the corridor, little party hats askew on their heads another set in their hands. Less was carrying some glitter bombs and confetti canons.

“We're not late” Toons panted coming to a halt in front of you “What she doing here?”

“I'm her girlfriend??” Georgia said confused

“Still doesn't answer me question... you don't get to bake in our fame” Ella said annoyed holding out a party hat for you which you immediately placed on your head

“Fame? You really think that going down well for you?” your girlfriend snorted nodding towards the piper who just set up their bagpipes.

“Of course... that a birthday she'll never forget” Lessi answered grinning widely “Can we start?”

“No.. we still missing Jill” you pressed taking Georgias phone to look at the clock “23:59... come on Jill”

You heard the “ding” of the elevator and surely enough there came a big three story birthday cake wheeling out with a widely grinning Jill Scott pushing it down the corridor towards you.

“Where were you?” you came out of your hiding – which was useless anyway since Toons and Less stood right in front of you – speed walking towards Jill smashing a party hat on her head.

“Had to think about something to get the room card” your Godaunt and most trusted adult friend – after Keira – said pulling out the little plastic card from her back pocket

“What did you say?” you snorted Jill could come up with the best backstories

“Want to surprise my wife for her birthday” the older woman smirked back “easy in the nights since there are only teenage boys covering Front Desk”

“We'll leave quickly after we delivered our present so you two have some alone time” you smirked

“Thank you Cookie – we very much appreciate it” the dirty blonde laughed “You guys ready?”

All of you nodded and Jill very VERY carefully pushed the card into the electronic lock waiting for the signature “click” before pushing open the door. You had Georgias phone ready and when Jill gave you a thumbs up you started recording. The pipers shuffled into the small hotel room and on a small cough from you they started piping “Auld Lang Syne” and not even five seconds in the light next to the bed got smashed on and a completely demolished Sarina Wiegman sat in her bed, blanket pulled up to her chest, glasses askew from being placed quickly on her nose, hair standing in every direction like she just got electrocuted her eyes wide in shock. The pipers went seamlessly over to “When the Saint go marching in” before finishing with “Scotland the Brave”. The second the little private concert was over Toons and Less let the Glitter bombs and Confetti canons explode right over Sarina – and her bed – all of you yelling “Happy Birthday”.

Your plan was nearly perfect. Get glitter and confetti all over Sarina before bolting. What you DIDN'T think off – pipers where loud. Very loud. Waking up most of the squad in process. Like Leah. And Lucy. And – most dangerously – Keira. So the moment you wanted to bolt you were met with a LOT of Lionesses. Angry looking Lionesses. Angry looking Keira. You locked eyes with her and after a second ducked behind Toons before sinking down on the ground trying to army rob out of the room hoping everyone was too distracted by everything that's going on. Oh boy where you wrong – of COURSE Keira saw you the second you tried to rob out of the room placing herself right in your way. You looked up when you hit her legs with your head which you kept down so it wouldn't been to obvious who was pressed in that room – which was overflowing with players now. Niamh and Toons already got cake in their hands (plates were overrated at this point) as Leah tried to control the chaos. You bumped into Keiras legs and looked up scared to be met with two angry glaring eyes. You tried to quickly rob backwards just to get stuck in Millies legs.

“I don't think so, y/n Bronze” Keira seethed pulling you up by your ear “Are you actually mad? Did you finally lose your plot? Why in gods name...”

“Hey Kei... you want cake... it's chocolate” your sister interrupted Keiras rant holding a hand full of cake right under the blondes nose

Keira just looked at Lucy then to you and back to Lucy who smiled like a happy kid with her handful of cake.

“I don't know if I should yell at both of you or just give up...” the blonde shook her head

“Keep calm and eat cake” Lucy smiled pushing her hand closer to Keiras face who automatically moved her head out of the way

“No thank you... it's in the middle of the night” the blonde said a little disgusted

“And?? You think we ever get away with eating cake in the middle of the night ever again??? Embrace the moment Kei... USE the moment” your sister said before she pushed the handful of cake into her mouth and you listened to what your sister said and used the moment to carefully sneaked away from Keira.

You tugged on Georgias shirt at your swift exit and she followed you just as quickly

“You know you're in big shit tomor... today... today morning... later... in the morning” your girlfriend rambled

“I know... but so worth it” you smiled and the second you two were through the door to the stairs case you pulled her back on her shirt kissing her deeply

“Not that I'm complaining...” Georgia started once you parted again “... but what brought that on?”

“You still had a little frosting..” you smirked pointing at your own lip “... I think I better check for more frosting once we're back in our room... you are a messy eater after all”

“I.. I think I dropped some of the cake...” your girlfriend stuttered a little bit and you could see her eyes darkening

“Yeah... thought so...” you smirked starting to walk up the stairs towards Georgias room when you suddenly feel your feet leave the ground and your girlfriend hoisted you over her shoulder

“What are you doing??” you laughed loudly as Georgia sprinted up the stairs

“You're a slowpoke sometimes” your girlfriend said exiting the staircase sprinting down the corridor on your floor before fumbling with the key card to open the door

“Open you stupid door” your girlfriend grumbled you still hanging over your shoulder snickering

“Let me down... makes it easier” you laughed slightly

“I nearly got it... wait a second” Georgia mumbled but a second later you heard her kicking the door

“Baby come on.... let me down” you laughed louder lightly poking her rips

“But don't run away” your girlfriend said her voice a little whine

“As if” you snorted and felt her scrunch down to put you on the ground before she came up again and you were face to face with each other

Your eyes quickly flickered down to her lips before looking at her eyes again. Before you could make up your mind you felt Georgias lips on yours kissing you deeply and you couldn't suppress a moan which your girlfriend used to slip her tongue into your mouth. She pinned you against the door her hands against your hip she used her whole body to keep you were you currently were. You on the other hand fished the little plastic card out of her hand where it poked into your skin and opened the door behind your back without even looking. The door opened with a small “beep” and you smirked against your girlfriends lips.

“Show off” Georgia mumbled against your lips and pushed you backwards into the hotel room already pulling your shirt over your head

“Fuck” you panted as your back hit the mattress next to your girlfriend a light sheet of sweat covering your body “THAT...”

“Better than the last time?” Georgia smirked smugly her breathing coming out laboured

“Nothing can top last time Babe... but you tried” you chuckled turning your body so you were pressed into the blondes side tucking your head into her neck feeling how her arm sneaked around your back pulling you closer

“I mean... I can try again” you heard the smirk feeling how her hand started to wander again “and again... and again... and again”

“No... please don't... you tried enough for tonight” you chuckled as Georgia stroked lightly over your ribs tickling you slightly before pushing her hand away positioning it on your hip

Georgia showed mercy just rubbing her thumb soothingly over your hipbone pressing a soft kiss to your hair

“You only getter better with training...” your girlfriend smirked then yelped as you poked her side

“You telling me I'm bad at what I'm doing?” you pushed yourself up onto your elbow looking down at her raising your eyebrow

“No no no no...” Georgia quickly said pulling you back down this time on top of her holding you tightly to her chest

“Mhm... that's what I thought” you mumbled closing your eyes relaxing against the blondes chest just enjoying the time you have with your girlfriend without needing to worry about your sister interrupting

You felt Georgia wriggling around under you which caused you to lift your head – again.

“Really? You still want to... again?” you look at your girlfriend expectantly

“No... I actually just tried to get the blanket” Georgia laughed as she finally got the hem of the blanket and pulled it over the two of you “... wouldn't want to deliver you back to your pit bull-like sister with a cold”

“DON'T mention my sister right now... that doesn't.. no.. just no” you grunted

“Sorry...” your girlfriend chuckled

“You're disturbing my post-orgasmic-bliss” you complained whining

“Sorry... I can... I don't know... make you forget that I just said that?” Georgia smiled her hand starting to wander towards your ass again while the other grabbed your breast teasingly

“Gosh... you really are impossible” you rolled your eyes prying her hand off your breast

“I mean... did you see my girlfriend? I can't help meself” the blonde grinned pulling you a little upwards to press a kiss to your lips

“Mhm... I did see her... still don't know how you scored her?” you teased smirking

“I didn't... she's stubborn... but I'm glad she threatened to break me legs if I don't pull my finger out of me ass...” Georgia murmured kissing you softly and smiled

“Did she now? I should talk to her... apparently she knows how to keep you in check – you can be quiet... defying” you grinned letting her kiss you over and over again

“Excuse me?” your girlfriend exclaimed acting upset

“Mhm... didn't my sister told you – multiple times I might add – to keep your hands away from me?” you grinned kissing her this time

“I CAN keep me hands to meself” Georgia smirked “Question is.. would you want that?”

“Such a rebel aren't you...” you smirked kissing along your girlfriends jaw down her to her neck

“Have me moments” Georgias voice betrayed her as she clearly getting turned on again

“Mhm.... Keira told me” you smirked against her neck before biting down slightly

“Keira??” this time it was G who got sober immediately

“It's a turn off isn't it... hearing about them” you grinned sitting up now straddling her waist

“Yes” your girlfriend grumbled “What did that wanna be ginger told you?”

“That you got your first tattoo the day after you turned 18” you smirked the blanket loosely draped around your hip

“SHE roped me into it!” Georgia exclaimed sitting up as well

“Oh really?” you smirked down on her taking her face in your hands kissing her softly “Do tell”

“She just got a new one and because she knew Mama Walsh will have her ass she convinced me to get one too... then after the next england game she hugged her mum and of COURSE Mama Walsh immediately saw it” your girlfriend told you rolling her eyes “And the next thing I know is she pulled me over by me sleeve “Georgia has one too – and she's basically a baby”... then Mama Walsh had me ass too”

“She played you...” you laughed loudly “.... she played you so hard”

“Yeah... I had to stand there for 12 Minutes getting lectured by Mama Walsh about the risks of tattoos...” your girlfriend grumbled

“To be fair... when Mama Walsh has it out for your ass you better find someone who you can distract her with” you shrugged still grinning

“Yeah... she can be scary... but I'm still sure she loves me more than Keira” Georgia grinned straining her neck a little so she could steal a kiss again

“Bet she loves ME more than all of you” you smirked pressing a wet kiss to her lips

“Yeah yeah... you're everyones favourite” your girlfriend rolled her eyes again but the slight smile never leaving her lips

“G... I... have a question” you hesitated a little bit

“What you need, baby?” Georgia asked softly but seriously

“I want a tattoo... I want you to do it” you blurted out

“What?” your girlfriend looked at you dumb folded

“I want you to tattoo me.... I know what I want and where I want it...” you said seriously

“Baby.... I can't do that” Georgia looked up at you as you stare down at her with a little betrayal in your eyes “... first.. I never inked someone and secondly... Lucy and Keira would definitely kill me... and third.. you're 16...”

“Then I'm gonna be your first like you were mine...” you grinned and with each passing second it got wider “... Lucy and Keira never need to know... and my Birthday is in two weeks”

“Which still makes you underage” your girlfriend pointed out and you heard that you slowly wearing her down

“I can get you Lucys signing if you want... like... setting up a document that she's not allowed to kill you” you smiled widely

“I tell you what... If you get that done I'll seriously think about it” Georgia said and you leaned down kissing her softly “... but I'm not doing anything big”

“Don't worry... nothing big...” you promised scratching your girlfriends neck lightly

“And where?” Georgia kissed your neck softly

“Right...” you took her hand laying it on your left side guiding it up to the point where your bra would sit “... here”

“A rib tattoo? Baby... that's a bad idea... that will hurt like a bitch” your girlfriend murmured against your neck kissing her way down to your collarbone

“I can take it... I really want it” you said breathlessly

“Maybe somewhere else?” Georgia mumbled kissing her way further down her destination clear

“That's the only place Luce won't see it immediately” you now outright moaned “Fuck”

“Mhm” your girlfriend hummed sucking your hard nipple into her mouth

“You just can't... fuck...” you started to complain but your voice betrayed you once again and your hip rocked forward on its own accord

“You want something baby??” Georgia asked after she let go of your nipple with a wet pop

“More... please” your head fell onto Gs shoulder your hips still rocking in her lap

“More?” your girlfriend smirked starting to knead your other breast

“Please” you whined

“Fingers or mouth baby?” Georgia basically growled against your skin getting slightly possessive

“Fingers” you whined lifting your hips a bit and Georgia got the hint letting her hand slip in between your legs

“You're gonna be good for me?” your girlfriend growled starting to mark your skin with small bites not enough to leave a constant mark like she'd like to

“Yes... but please” you begged and whined trying to get her fingers inside you but her hand laid still between your legs

“You won't come without permission will you baby? You'll wait until I tell you that you can come, right?” Georgia playfully bit your nipple

“I won't... I promise” you moaned rocking your hips down trying to find some pressure relieve

“Good... and you won't becauseeee...” your girlfriend teased your entrance with one finger

“Yours” you whined desperately

“Mine what?” Georgia nudged the underside of your jaw with her nose

“All yours...” you nearly broke “... G please”

“Ssshh baby... I've got you” your girlfriend soothed you slipping her finger into you

“Fuck” you whimpered feeling Georgias digit enter your heat

“Mhm... so wet... so hot... so desperate” Georgia mumbled against your jaw kissing her way to the point just under your ear “All for me or is there someone else?”

“No one else” you panted against her shoulder

“Are you sure baby? No one...” your girlfriend bit down lightly “... someone spanish maybe... Jenni Hermoso maybe?”

Your hips rocked down hard on her finger your rhythmic movement faltering for a second before it picked up again

“Hmmm...” Georgia hummed pleased “... maybe that could be arranged one day”

“Fuck...” you whimpered

“Bubs??” you heard suddenly through the door loud banging followed

“Fuck” you looked at Georgia shocked her face just as frightened

“BUBS?” Lucy said a little louder

“What??” you yelled back your hand covering your girlfriends mouth

“You okay? You were gone suddenly” your sister spoke loudly

“Yeah... just... didn't wanna wait till Keira recovered from her confusement” you tried

“Can you maybe open the door?? I'm standing here like an idiot” Lucy sneered

“It's... not the best time Luce...” you whined “I'm... about to go shower”

“Well... then let me in and shower then” your sister wasn't giving up and you knew it

“You can also go back to your own room” you said helplessly

“Can't... Less has the key card and I don't know where Less is” Lucy groaned

“Lucy please... just... go somewhere else” you whined back even knowing all mood was gone

“You are my sister... why would I go somewhere... wait a second... where is Georgia?? Is Stanway with you???” your sister exclaimed

“No for god sakes Lucy... I just want to shower in peace... fuck off now” you yelled through the room and suddenly it was quiet

“Fuck me... she really knows how to ruin the mood” you grumbled lifting yourself off your girlfriends lap who was still rooted in her place “Unbelievable”

“That was close” Georgia stammed still a little scared

“Yeah well.. I was too...” you continue to grumble mostly to yourself until... you heard the signature “beep” of the door – your head shot up first to the door then to your girlfriend who spotted the same frightened look as you

You quickly threw on a shirt and gestured to Georgia to hide – which was ridiculous since it was firstly her room and secondly there wasn't really anywhere for her to hide

“Hide” you whisper yelled panicked while you threw a shoe at the door trying to block it

“Where??” Georgia whisper yelled back looking around just as panicked

“I don't know” you pulled on some shorts quickly

“Bubs... you blocking the door?” you heard Lucys voice and already saw the crown of her head trying to make its way inside the room

“Why would I??” you answered and tried to sound annoyed watching your girlfriend ripping open the door of the closet “Really?? You wanna hide in the wardrobe??”

“You have a better idea?” your girlfriend hissed back

“Bath or Balcony?” you looked at her confused

“Bubs... the door is stuck” your sister complained again

“You are stuck you muppet” you shot back pushing your girlfriend outside on the balcony

“Yeah well maybe you open the door then” Lucy said annoyed

You quickly went over ripping the door open looking at her expectantly

“What you want and where did you get that key?” you grunted at her

“Wanted to make sure you okay – you're on Sarinas list now... and key... Leah – as the capitan she has a universal key” your sister shrugged her shoulders “Jesus Christ Bubs... open the windows would you... it seriously stinks in here”

“I will... I just didn't want to come back from me shower into a cold room” you lied weakly “you saw that I'm alright now... so... good night”

“Yeah since I don't know where Less is... can I crash at yours?” Lucy rubbed the back of her neck embarrassed

“No” you exclaimed before clearing your throat “I mean... that's a little inconvenient Luce...”

“I'm your sister” Lucy exclaimed rolling her eyes

“I know and I love you... seriously... but I just want to shower and go to bed.. I...” you said trying to come up with an excuse “... I... have this... woman problem you know....”

“Your period?” your sister asked confused

“Yes...” you nodded slowly

“And? Gosh Bubs you really scared me there for a second... you need anything?” Lucy said lovingly

“Just... peace and quiet... please” you basically begged her at this point

“Geez okay... I'm already leaving...” your sister said and you noticed she got all defensive

“Luce” you whined

“No it's okay... you're a grown up now... you don't need me anymore” Lucy said already half way through the door

“That's not true.... Lucy come on...” you said again trying to calm your sister down

“Keira said I need to let you spread your wings... WINGS Bubs... not your legs okay” your sister said and pointed at you threating

“Okay Ew... that's disgusting” you pulled a face disgusted

“Exactly... sex is disgusting... never take part in it” Lucy said happy with herself

“Yeah...” you said embarrassed “... you're too later for that I'm afraid”

“Good... now go shower and then to bed... Sarina will blast through your door in... four hours” your sister smiled quickly checking her watch

“What does Sarina want?” you ask confused

“You're on her list... you gonna run” Lucy smiled before disappearing into the corridor again

“Fuck me” you exclaimed whining closing the door making your way to the bathroom

You just stepped under the shower when you remembered something important

“FUCK” you quickly jumped out of the shower wrapping yourself in a big fluffy towel before speed walking through the room opening the balcony door again pushing your head outside looking at your girlfriend who was just covered by a thin blanket standing pressed into the corner of the outside space

“Lucys gone” you smiled innocently ushering Georgia inside

“Do you know how cold it is in England this time of the year??” your girlfriend said her teeth chattering slightly

“Yeah I know... I'm sorry... but come on... I already turned on the shower for you” you smiled

“Gosh I love you” Georgia said pressing a kiss to your forehead heading towards the bathroom

“Oh and babe... Sarina will kick our door down in about four hours...” you nonchalantly called after her and you heard a crashing sound

“WHAT??”

[whispereons]

Oracle!Reader Part 22

Masterlist - Part 1, Part 21, Part 23

Warnings: Sagau Imposter au reader with lots of gore and stuff. Minors are warned but not prohibited.

“What a shrewd mortal you are.” The snake hisses as she travels down Baizhu’s arm to face you better. The V-shaped tongue does little to hide the ivory fangs hidden in her maw.

“I appreciate the compliment, but I suggest you reserve your judgment for the main topics of our discussion.”

“Arrogant too, I see!” An amused scoff leaves Changsheng at your bold words, all while Baizhu’s smile remains unchanging. After shutting the door behind him, he keeps his arm perched for Changsheng before sitting on the small stool near the bed.

“It seems you’re feeling much better now than last night. Are you experiencing any pain or discomfort?” 

“None at all.” You lie politely. Getting tied down here any longer than the decided discharge time would be a hassle. 

“Well, I’m glad to hear that.” Baizhu trails off to write something down on the paper he’s holding as Changsheng decides to start the discussion. Despite her small body, she speaks with the same pride the Adepti held. 

“We are already well aware of your body’s abnormalities. But in order for us to get a proper grasp of the scar tissue culture, you’ll need to answer some personal questions.”

Smiling without a hint of unease, you respond as you sit up to face them. “Seems you’re quite interested in me. Or should I say suspicious?”

A swift denial is what you expect. Maybe a truthful answer showcasing her confidence could happen too.

“Does a human who would rather hide their face, rather than accept the consequences of being bare, have any right to question my curiosity?”

Snakes are known to be sly for a reason. Baizhu’s slight upturned eyes at Changsheng’s words only solidify that belief further.

“I guess it was a dumb question.” You shrug, the subtle jab rolling off you with ease. “I am quite popular, I strongly doubt that you've had a patient quite like me.”

Your teeth are bared in a grin at Changsheng, fully aware of what the display means to the animal. 

She merely hmph’s at you before turning her head to the side as Baizhu cuts in amicably.

“Depending on what I discover in this sample, your words may be true Y/N. Why not first explain how you are the Creator’s oracle?”

Lips pursing as your eyes travel to the side of the room, your finger taps rhythmically on your chin. Wondering, contemplating on how you should answer.

At your silence, Changsheng’s eyes narrow as if she's frowning, while Baizhu’s smile turns almost sympathetic.

“I wouldn't pry into this matter as your physician, but as being an adventurer is your official occupation, I felt the need to question this Oracle one. Quite a few jobs connected to The Creator tend to manifest some otherwise unseen conditions.”

If one looked at it on the surface, they would see a concerned doctor looking to take all situations in accouint. But all you see is an ill person investigating a promising lead.

Baizhu’s quest for immortality was always closely connected to the Adepti, and you just had to be outed by a disciple of one.

“It's not like that child was the only one to refer to you as such. Why would an Oracle even hide such basic information from trusted acolytes like ourselves?”

Changsheng’s tone is scathing, and her question is sarcastic. The hot and cold of the pair’s demeanor and words were easy to recognize.

The kind of tactic they were trying to pull on you was the classic ‘good cop, bad cop’ schtick. 

Baizhu’s honeyed words were to coax the information from someone nervous and fearful, while Changsheng’s harshness was meant to pressure and intimidate someone into spilling. 

Something this dubious in a medical setting shouldn't exist. At least not yet, anyway. Most medical malpractice from eras in the past were born from discrimination, religious propaganda and general inexperience of the human anatomy and physiology.

It sure as hell shouldn't work on any sane adult, let alone from someone like Baizhu who is widely trusted but also suspected.

But then you think back on the kind of people that exist in Teyvat. The strange practices seen as normal, the terrifying yet mesmerizing creatures that roam, and your cult…

Yeah, more than one person must have bent to their will. While you doubt it was done with any bad intention. The fact of the matter is that Baizhu could have removed your mask, but clearly didn't. It still wasn't right.

Then again, why should you care? As long as you keep yourself in check to not reveal any more than necessary, then you were satisfied with that.

No need to play hero in a world that can't see past someone's physical features. The heart you once had that urged you to try and change to become a better person has already been burned away.

“Well, this is classified information, but I do have approval to explain my unique circumstances in these kinds of cases.”  

Your smile is sheepish as you tilt your head and avoid their matching piercing gaze. As if you caved into their words and finally came clean.

“I suppose you can say that being an adventurer is my day job, as my true mission is to uncover the truths behind cult members and acolytes alike on their devotion to the Holy One.”

Baizhu’s smile widens, just a smidge at your words. Changsheng is not nearly as impressed and hisses out her first question.

“And how does that justify the matching scars along your body to the Almighty?”

Just how did Changsheng get to say such brutal questions without being frowned upon? Probably because she's a talking snake.

Many adults in this world probably find it unimaginable and fear her, thinking she's on the level of an Adepti. Others may view her as almost unreal and much like a doll to be played with, downplaying her words and sharp intellect like a child.

You just find her as surreal as a dream; Almost detached in a way from the sheer absurdity of a talking snake. It's only thanks to your knowledge from when you were a player that you can see her for herself.

Smiling, you reply to her question with a carefully constructed answer. Admittedly, this question was always one you were afraid of encountering.

“This body belongs to The Creator, and The Creator alone. When I was first summoned by the Almighty and commanded of my mission, they desired to mark me in a way that no one could deny as a connection to them. I chose to be scarred in the same fashion as them.”

A wide smile, almost manic in nature, stretches across your mouth. Calloused fingers intertwined before covering your lips as if to coyly hide. 

“And what better way is there? A subtle yet bold imprinting of the Creator’s hold over me. A way to experience the suffering our poor God must have gone through to be branded like that.”

Words spoken colorfully are nearly purred before you're left with uncontrollable giggles. You finally calm down with a dreamy sigh as you look at the contracted partners.

Baizhu and Changsheng are silent throughout your whole act. The only movement made was them sharing a glance.

And there is only one emotion you can see bloom so vividly in their exchanged eyes. 

Discomfort.

---------------

It's safe to say that neither of them asked any more questions about the matter. Changsheng basically fled the room to “bask in the sun on the windowsill in the hall rather than stay with a human like that.”

You don't take any offense to it. In fact, you're overjoyed that your act worked. The only way to stop them from coming to the natural question of: “Does this mean their face is also like the Creator’s?” was to stop them from wanting to think on that train of thought.

It's exactly why you've been so careful to not let your body be so exposed. At least in regard to your torso, as scars on limbs are much easier to disregard.

Acting as a fanatic really was one of the best and easiest ways to throw off suspicion. No one really tries to dig for anything from a crazy person. After all, they have no sensible rhyme or reason to their actions.

It, of course, came with its own risks. Doing it too much will make people think that you’re actually insane rather than just unstable and will never trust you. And even the act itself can only work in certain situations with the right people, or else everything will fall apart.

That’s why you only use it when you see no other choice like now. Both Baizhu and Changsheng are under confidentiality agreements to not speak about you as a patient and considering the normal behavior for believers, your actions shouldn’t be too taboo.

Just a tad bit surprising.

The feather-light tap on your shoulder pulled you out of your thoughts as you look at the ever-present smile on the doctor. Baizhu sits back down on the stool once he’s sure he has your attention before speaking.

“Since you’ve explained more than enough about your background, we can move on to taking a culture sample of the scar tissue.” Your eyes roam the room for any tools needed for the procedure, and furrow when you fail to find any.

“At least that’s what I would say if I didn’t take it during the initial treatment.” If Baizhu wasn’t such a good doctor, you would ask if his license was revoked yet. This sure as hell doesn’t sound legal.

Annoyance must have been clear on your face as Baizhu leans a little closer to respond calmly. “I can assure you that this is very normal and practiced by many physicians. I just felt the need to tell you, as we agreed to you receiving a form of compensation.”

His eyes slither down your body to linger on where he must have taken the sample. “It would have been a hassle for us both if I waited till now to take it. I would have had to cut your skin after it healed so nicely, meaning you would be at risk for an infection.”

Baizhu may not be acting as obviously as a fanatic as you were earlier, but he was making you wildly uncomfortable. It’s a struggle to keep your body from tensing up under his growing gaze.

“So what did you choose as compensation? Last time we spoke about this, I don’t believe you had a set answer yet.”

With your mind reorienting back to how you can gain from this situation, you request your choice confidently.

“I want the strongest knock-out drug or sedation or whatever other name it goes by that you have. Something that can’t be obtained over the counter. Something that borders on being illegal.”

Was it strange to request this? It seems so, judging by Baizhu’s smile dropping as his eyebrows pinch together in what could be confused as worry.

But it’s a necessity to you.

Yelan and Shenhe couldn’t be dealt with due to the strength imbalance. That would take months, if not years, for you to get to a level where you can fight them one on one without using every means possible to win. Other acolytes exist that were even better than them, some that weren’t even human.

As the environment and tools in your disposal were much different and limited compared to when you were on Earth, you needed something more on the trap side. Having that weird, almost instant knowledge of weapons, elemental energy and rare bursts of power was the most you could ask for in combat. But it would be best to avoid combat if you can.

This drug would be the perfect way to.

“There are plenty of sleeping aids available over the counter. Why not choose from them rather than get a prescription for one from me?”

Baizhu is more than well aware of why you are requesting this, as he specifically addresses it as a mere ‘sleeping aid’. Whether he’s worried about you or for you doesn’t matter.

“I’m not questioning and probing for more answers as to how my tissue sample is so connected to your research. So you shouldn’t be trying to question mine, either.”

His whole face seems to light up at your swift and defensive response. “You have nothing to worry about, my dear.”

A smooth chuckle leaves him as he leans down to whisper into your ear from where you sit on the bed. “I’ll get you exactly what you desire and with any luck, my research will make leaps and bounds of progress.”

Goosebumps are raised across your skin as he stands back up straight. The square-framed glasses almost hiding the slitted golden eyes that try to devour you glint from the sunlight streaming in.

Baizhu leaves and you can finally breathe.

—----------------------

Time passes by slowly and with little options to cure your boredom, you find yourself engrossed in deciding which of Teyvat’s many delicacies you want to try. Last time you cooked on Beidou’s ship, the cooking laws followed the same logic as it did when you played the game.

It was one of the few perks you had from being the Creator. You had to make it count.

Even if it was just to distract yourself from overthinking the upcoming meeting with Ningguang.

It’s the wind’s echoing of the footsteps gradually getting louder that pull you out of the screen and back into the present. With a satisfying stretch, you sit up properly and yell a “Come in!” when a knock rings out.

Different shades of blue hair can be seen entering as Xingqiu strolls in with Chongyun behind him.

You greet them first with a toothy smile and lazy wave. “It's been a while since we last saw each other. Glad to see you both made it back here safely.”

Tension immediately leaves Xingqiu’s shoulders at your words, as Chongyun moves past him to take a hold of your shoulders.

“How could you be so reckless?!” His hair is slicked back, giving you a clear view of his pinched brows and lips bitten raw.

“The Adepti aren't beings to mess with, you could have really died!” Did he think the Adepti were responsible for your injuries? It would be the only logical conclusion, since Yelan chasing you was definitely a secret operation and Shenhe was just by chance.

“I shouldn't have let the confusing mess sweep me along, making me blindly listen to you. Maybe then you wouldn't have gotten this seriously hurt.”

He's hot, you blandly take note as his fingers dig into the clothing. It even seeped through your clothing, but you can't bring yourself to push him off.

Not when he's trying to hide how they shake as if he's the one shivering in a snowstorm.

“Why did you push us to leave with the victims? You and Xingqiu are eloquent enough to have convinced them to let you come back with us! How could you push us away?!”

… Was he trying to blame you? Briefly looking away from the frosty yet heated gaze of Chongyun, you glance at Xingqiu. His head is turned away, and he makes no effort to stop or step in.

“If you just let us help you rather than pushing us away, everything could have been avoided!” What the hell? “I should have just ran back when we were still close enough. Then you wouldn't have been so severely hurt.”

The constant whiplash of Chongyun’s words and emotions confused you. Grabbing his hands, you pry him off and pushed him away.

“I don't understand what you're trying to tell me. Okay, maybe better choices could have been made, but what's the point in dwelling on them now?” There's an annoyed bite to your tone that slips out.

Like gasoline to a fire, Chongyun explodes on you.

“What's the point?! The point is that you nearly died due to something that could have been prevented if we just thought a little harder! What if you died? What would you do then? Nothing! Because it'd be too late!”

His face is red as he yells, and his words feel like a forgotten consciousness crawling back to you. Infesting you with the long forgotten fear of what death had in store for you.

“So what?! That's for me to deal with, not you! If I die then, I die and if I live, then I live.” There's an ugly smile on your face that twists into a snarl. “You don't need to feel responsible for what happened, okay? So don't try to berate me and stew on what is already done.”

Jitters run through Chongyun’s body as he breathes loudly and takes a step forward-Only to get stopped by Xingqiu grabbing his arm.

“Stop it Chongyun. That's enough, your yang spirit is out of control and making you hotheaded.”

“But they-”

“Enough.” Xingqiu’s voice is firm as his grip visibly tightens around the joint. “Cool off inside the room or outside. It's your choice.”

Chongyun glares at Xingqiu before ripping his hand away and stomping to the corner. It's only with the distance that you can see how his fingers tremble worse than an addict.

The popsicle he pulls out is shoved into his throat as sweat visibly sticks to his skin and his haggard breathing becomes visible.

Maybe you should feel sympathetic, but all you can hear is his anger and accusations in your ears.

“Y/N…” Xingqiu’s voice calls out, and you finally get to see his face and take note of the slight red rim around his eyes.

He's been crying, you realize, and what makes it worse is how uncomfortable you feel at the sight.

“Chongyun was definitely in the wrong for getting so mad and starting the fight with you.” He glances over at the Cryo user, who refuses to look at either of you. 

You can spot faint bite marks dotting his fingernails.

“But it's not completely his fault either. He-We’ve been worried ever since we arrived at Liyue and never found you. We tried to-”

“That still doesn't make sense. Just why get so worked up over me missing a few days. I'm an adult, I'll be fine. Hell, I am fine!”

You're agitated and on edge, but for the life of you, you can't tell why. A small part of you, the sensible part of your brain, is already whispering that you're going too far, but you shut it down.

“Why even get mad at me about this? Why not the Adepti?!” Xingqiu’s silent stare at you is like needles prickling your skin.

The annoyance, frustration and confusion are what you cling to at this moment.

“Is it because they're firm believers of the Creator? Is it because you can't trust me as an Oracle?! Or is it because-”

“IT’S BECAUSE WE CARE!” Chongyun bellows out from his spot, whipping around to face you once more.

He takes long strides to you and reaches out his hands to touch you, to grab you-

But stops abruptly at your poorly hidden flinch. His expression morphs into something less fiery, with more hesitancy in his actions.

You let his hands awkwardly rest once again on your shoulders. But instead of the heat you experienced before, his fingers are cool but not cold.

“We were worried because we care about you.” Chongyun doesn't look the same as before. You decide to blame his hairstyle for that.

“I'm sorry for getting so worked up.” He starts slowly, his grip loosening with each word he utters. “I took the anger I had against myself on you, and I'm sorry for that.”

It's foreign to have them worry over your safety. To truly get this emotional over the thought of you dying.

But when you think back to your words and how you reacted in this whole argument, embarrassment creeps in.

“I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have snapped so easily and accused you guys of strange things.”

Yun Jin’s betrayal may have bothered you more than you realized. Not that you were unfamiliar with betrayal, but you didn't expect that a traditionally ‘good’ character would be so quick to sway.

The more you think about it, the more shame you feel.

“While I'm glad you both have made up for the high stress argument, I'm afraid we have more serious matters to discuss.”

Xingqiu’s words alert you both back into the present as he smoothly separates you from Chongyun.

“Ah, that's right, I almost forgot…” Chongyun mumbles to himself, only making you more confused on what the issue was.

“I'm not sure how, but the Qixing knew that you were the main party responsible for saving the kidnapped victims even before you arrived here in this state.”

What? 

The surprise must have been clear on your face as Xingqiu repeated his words and explained with more detail.

“Ganyu did arrive and focus the spotlight on her, but the Qixing immediately poked holes in it. The most adamant was the Yuheng.”

How would your incident with the Geovishap hatchling make Keqing believe you would save the children and not be the one to kidnap them?

The guild wouldn't disclose that information. It was literally stated on the contract Khan signed due to the seriousness of the commission. The breech in the confidentiality contract would be enough to warrant a lawsuit or legal action, they wouldn't risk it.

Did you talk to any guards about the case when searching for information? Anyone notable enough to report to Keqing?

It was no use, you couldn't remember all the details due to how long it's been since then.

“We thought that maybe you had already talked to her, so we brushed it off, but it got worse when we tried to go find you.”

Xingqiu gestures animatedly as he speaks. “Not only were there almost double the guards around the main entrances and exits, but I noticed at least four guards following me in the days leading up to your appearance.”

“We were repeatedly stopped from leaving and even when we tried leaving through unconventional ways, they still found us.” Chongyun finishes as he recounts the events.

“Only once were we able to leave the city in the dead of night, and it was the Yuheng herself that stopped us. She said that since we brought the victims back, she had reason to keep us in the city until further notice.”

Xingqiu scowls as he remembers the memory before cursing. “One hell of a convenient ass excuse.”

Chongyun finishes their story as he opens the curtain slightly and gestures to you to look out with him.

“This morning we both received letters saying we were free to leave now. It was just a few minutes later that we heard about you being brought here. And what do we see when we came to visit the first time?”

Following Chongyun’s line of sight, your breath catches at the sight of a Millelith guard hiding in a shaded area under a golden leaf tree.

“There’s even more in buildings and outside the window view.” Xingqiu adds as he takes the other side beside you.

Knuckles clutching the window sill tightly, you forcibly breathe in and out. Thoughts of just how long they've been watching you, what they could have done, and what they could have seen whirls around your brain.

All those Crystalflies, weasel thieves and the conversations you exchanged were now at risk of being exposed. With your heart thumping painfully loud in your chest, you wonder: What could they have already reported?

What was all your work in keeping out of the Qixing’s sight for? Ganyu didn't have much power, Keqing is set against you, Yun Jin betrayed you, Beidou’s gone and Ningguang already tried to off you with Yelan.

What did you possibly have left?

The two hands that lay on you startle but also ground you back to the present. Smooth skin and icy fingers draw your eyes to switch between the two vision holders.

“It'll be okay, Y/N. If they truly wanted to kill you, then they wouldn't have let you rest easily here.” 

“It's true, Ningguang once poisoned the water supply that specifically went to certain patients in a different clinic.”

And now you feel like shit again. It's not like you could trust Baizhu-you weren't even completely sure whether he intentionally hid the existence of the guards!

At your visible dampened mood, Chongyun lightly kicks Xingqiu’s shin, who only hisses at the pain before retaliating.

Watching them childishly fight like this is fun, a simple and small pleasure that you savor after all the bad news and confusing mysteries. 

That's right. You weren't alone. Not totally, at least.

It was painful to think about how your plan to avoid and leisurely please the Qixing failed, but it wasn't all over. Xingqiu and Chongyun thoroughly proved themselves on whose side they were on.

And if push came to shove, you could agree to marry Zhongli and let him deal with your problems.

“Don't worry too much, you two.” At your sudden but cryptic words, both of them stop and look at you.

Smiling serenely despite the turbulence your heart was suffering through, you give a vague explanation. 

“I already have a scheduled meeting with Ningguang. I'll either be praised by the masses as the oracle I am, or show up in a casket at the Wangsheng’s Funeral Parlor.”

Ending it with a sneaky grin, you press a finger to your lips. “I'm aiming for the third option of getting minor recognition before hitchhiking to Mondstadt.”

Rewriting this crap since TUMBLR KICKED ME OUT. I copy the ending that I wrote and only one word of it actually saved for me to paste. I wanna strangle this website. But anyway, got back from vacation, slept, unpacked and finished setting up everything properly after my editor finished. Just rechecked and turns out Tumblr also removed all the italics and bold which I had to re-add, how NICE I did manage to get a whole nice length chapter finished while I was away but I'm saving that for later as school is starting. I wanna have it there and post it in a while when I'm swamped while trying to get my school in order. So. Looking. Forward. To. It. :) I finished reading a few previous chapters to keep everything on track and wow. Y/N used to be so happy and hopeful lol. I would ask what happened but I’M what happened. It was still really fun to reread the adventure with Ayato. Perhaps it wasn’t obvious but Baizhu didn’t completely fall for the fanatic act. Changsheng trust her own judgement too much to look past the surface unless the person is visibly mysterious or pulling away. That’s why Baizhu could act the way he does despite the initial discomfort he felt (which was not faked) Taglist: Open as always!

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[marknee]

bts fanfics i personally think shakespeare would lose his job over in the 1500’s.

chapter i. ✷ chapter ii.

KEYS ON SEVERITY OF SHAKESPEARE’S STATE:

( ✮ ) — poor sod is on the floor. perhaps it’s shock?

( ♬ ) — he’s jealous he didn’t write this himself. well, it sucks to suck, mate.

( ✎ ) — currently handing him a tissue. give him a second.

( ♛ ) — both him and i lost our jobs. her majesty is ruthless.

THE SHAKESPEARE SERIES.

WARNING: keep in mind, some of these authors are very strict on the rule that no minors should read their work if they’re underage, and i will honour that. but, at the end of the day, i am not your parent. so, there’s that. but heed my warning wisely. any smut or 18+ content is highlighted in bold.

NOTE: without further ado, this are the fanfics that i think would cause shakespeare to lose his job: the first of many essays. let’s bring the guy to his knees. metaphorically.

⠀

⠀

( ♛ ) THE BODYGUARD — by @rmnamjoons

!! bodyguard!namjoon x reader | 62.9k !!

bodyguard au, romance, smut, fake dating, slight angst if you squint, lil bit of violence.

firstly, we’re starting off strong. i present to you, the mother of all namjoon fanfics. and she’s a bad bitch. tbh, i feel like this fic needs a moment of silence just to relish in her glory. soak it all up. it’s essential.

this fic genuinely had me gobsmacked at how incredibly written it is. it delves into every detail and no aspect of the story is left dry. you can tell the author put their everything into creating this world you just submerge into. and it shows.

the world building is amazing, the characters are so thought out, and it feels like you’re just on this adventure with them and discovering their story as it plots out.

also, the build up to the smut? out of this world. that’s one thing i love about this fic: it doesn’t feel rushed. everything is very spaced out and takes it’s sweet time, so when you get to the chocolately nut of the ferrero rocher, it’s like gold and well earned. and you can enjoy it.

honestly, it’s been months since i read this and i think about it every day. i did do some research (for my own peace of mind) and this fic is longer than the perks of being a wallflower. and is it better? yes. sorry not sorry.

this work of art deserves to be read and loved. and i rest my case, your honour.

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( ✎ ) UNTIL THE LAST STAR FALLS — by @minniepetals

!! underworld lords!bts x shield!reader | 44.4k !!

reincarnation!au, poly!au, gods!au, unrequited love, minor character death, car accidents.

quick question — for science — how does one happen to lose all their memories without any sustaining any internal or external injuries? because the things i would do to read this again for the first time. and i do not use those words lightly.

this was my first ever ‘longer’ written fic. and if i’m being honest, i never really liked to read them because i have the attention span of a goat. but this fic lures you in from the very start and time slips away like smoke. to say, it definitely left its mark on me.

it’s so brilliantly written and you feel connected to the characters both mind and soul. you want the best for them, you want to save them, you actually want to crawl into the pages (or screen) and fucking help them out. and that sold it to me, i think. just the sheer love for these characters.

i balled when i read the last few sentences. i didn’t want it to end. i think i finished it at three in the morning and sent a voice note of me crying to my friend. tmi? well, now on my christmas list is 7 hot boys in the underworld who would risk their everything for me. and i, them.

worth every single second. trust.

⠀

( ♬ ) WARM THIS WINTER — by @jamaisjoons

!! seokjin x reader ft. ex-boyfriend jungkook | 51.6k !!

christmas!au, vacation!au, angst, fluff, smut (18+).

one thing about solaris, is she never misses. if i could, i think i’d recommend every fanfic she ever put out, but that’s too much effort for me when you could simply click her masterlist. so, i’ll wait here for you to do that. make sure you come back though.

love. sure, there are hundreds- perhaps, thousands of fics on this app about it. so what makes this one different? well, that’s just it. the sorrowful honesty of love. knowing when it’s over, and when it’s blooming in the midst.

i’ve never been in love, but frankly, this fic really spelt it out for me. the pain, the joy, the lingering memories after everything is said and done. it’s all there. and it really settles in your heart as you near the end.

this work pulled on every single heartstring of mine, stamped on them, and then proceeded to sew anew for the future to bring its own miseries. and i enjoyed it more than i can say (or type).

give this a read if you need just that bit of spark in your life. and that bit of sadness, too.

⠀

( ✮ ) STRIKE A CHORD — by @snackhobi

!! yoongi x reader | 15.8k !!

smut (18+), pianist!yoongi.

i don’t know what it is about this fic, but i come back to it whenever it pops up in my mind during my day. i’ll immediately unlock my phone and open this app, knowing i’ll feel better when the last word is read. and i feel content.

the atmosphere in this fic, if i may, feels as though you’re trapped in a warm, safe bubble with hazed music in the distance and soft light spilling through the thin layer of the bubble— not too dark, but enough to make you feel drowsy and peaceful. perhaps that’s why i return to it so often. i like how it makes me feel.

yoongi as an artist is already enough to make a person swoon, but as a pianist? i need a lie down. a cold towel to the head. just the whole characterisation of him in this fic needs a whole separate essay in itself, but you’ll understand my point when you read it.

forever a comfort fic, i think. and forever a comfort person. double whammy. case closed.

⠀

( ✎ ) THE END — by @jimlingss

!! seokjin x reader | 31k !!

fifty percent fluff, fifty percent angst, loosely inspired by to all the boys i’ve loved before.

i say this with my whole chest: i have never underestimated the amount of emotions you can experience during a fanfic, until i read the end— both literally and metaphorically. shock horror.

this fanfic takes you through the adventure of the reader learning of what her future would commence if she were to marry either one of the six members. best part? she’s led through this rollercoaster journey by the ghost of kim seokjin.

first impression to such an offer? sign me the fuck up. i mean, what more could you ask for? however my final impression went a bit more on the lines of what the fuck just happened. very different ends of the spectrum, if you ask me.

i decided to hand both shakespeare and i a tissue after this great piece of art was finished because not only was i sobbing, he was on the floor knowing his romance play of pericles could never live up to such an incredible story.

this fic was a rollercoaster i would be delighted to get onto for another ride.

⠀

( ✎ ) A UNIVERSE TO YOU — by @readyplayerhobi

!! soulmate!hoseok x reader | 41k !!

fluff, angst, smut (18+), soulmates!au.

shakespeare once said (according to google), “it is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves,” and if this fic wasn’t a soulmate!au, i think i would’ve agreed in some sorts. but as it is, in fact, a soulmate!au, i’m obliged to disagree. it was destiny i read this fic, hand on heart.

i was not expecting this fic to hit me in the feels as hard as it did. as you can tell by the other works listed in this essay of recommendations, soulmate!au’s come up a lot. and with a lot of the same plots flying around on this app, it’s hard to make one stand out. but this author definitely has a gift.

everything was so richly created it made you feel full. of wonder, of love, and of want. it made you crave it for yourself. and that’s what i love about this fic. it just makes you feel… good. and with the unfortunates of life currently, it’s one to get your head stuck in for some temporary relief.

dream soulmate? he’s right here, people. just enjoy the story and all the feels that float around your body. go on.

⠀

( ✮ ) BUNNY — by @btssmutgalore

!! jungkook x fem!reader | 46.5k !!

non-idol!au, camboy!jk, friends to lovers, smut, angst.

let’s start here: never judge a book by its cover. a quote by george eliot going all the way back to the 19th century, and one i would use to describe this series as a whole, and my first impressions towards it.

this series, although unfinished (i think), has exceeded my expectations of a good smut outlined by a good plot. the best of both worlds, if you might. i came out of this series deeply in awe of the writing and the clear imagery the author manages to create within your own mind.

additionally, bunny was the beginning for me in learning about the world of camboys and camgirls(?), but i was greatly surprised. often, people are unkind to the new and stick to what they’re accustomed to, afraid of what the unknown might bring — me, included.

but, i’m glad i took the risk because i received three great things in return: a beautiful fanfic, knowledge of something that was foreign to me, and an author whose work i admire and shall be returning to in the future.

perhaps what i’m getting at is this could be a lesson to all. take a risk of something unknown because who knows? maybe something great will come out of it, and you’ll learn something. i did.

⠀

( ♬ ) SEOUL UNDERGROUND — by @hunniejimins (ao3)

!! namjoon x jungkook x f!reader | 300k !!

mafia!au, enemies to lovers, violence, slow burn, love triangles, mob boss!namjoon, smut, heavy angst.

it’s ironic really. i found this work by someone else’s recommendation, and now i’m passing on the favour and recommending it to you, dear reader. it’s funny how the world works.

this work is the perfect balance of fantasy and reality and i love it. you’re hit with the beauty and clouded haze of love before being smacked back into the world at the realisation the very person you’re in love with, is a mafia mob boss and his killer mate. a real fun-sponge, i tell ‘ya.

nevertheless, this book kept me up early morning and late evening reading. it keeps you hooked, wanting, and hungry for more.

it’s nothing less of a masterpiece.

⠀

( ✎ ) CREAM AND SUGA — by @snackhobi

!! yoongi x barista f!reader | 14.8k !!

coffee shop!au, barista!au, fluff, nfsw (18+).

@snackhobi is mentioned twice on this list. though, can you blame me? it’s just a good thing shakespeare and this author don’t exist in the same century. it would be absolute carnage but nobody is ready for that conversation.

this author has a talent of portraying yoongi in the most irresistible way possible. i swear, i fall in love with him all over again reading. i wish you understood.

the whole misunderstanding section made me laugh because haven’t we all been there? the crushing pain and overwhelming guilt of having a crush on someone you can’t have. it’s all too real, seriously. been there, done that (unfortunately).

especially having the holidays just past, this is a perfect fic for a warm evening in, while the coldness of winter storms past outside. such a cute fic. love, love, love!

⠀

( ♛ ) LOST AND FOUND — by @taleasnewastime

!! seokjin x reader | 21.2k !!

strangers to lovers, fluff, angst, sfw.

everyone says they have a fanfic that changed them, whether they’re being hyperbolic or brutally honest. and in my case, it’s a matter of both latter and former.

a couple months ago, i reached what i thought was rock bottom regarding my mental state and i took to my imagination to save me from the daily hell of my own mind. and this book was one i never really forgot about.

everything this author wrote within this fic was honest, heartfelt and very, very real. from the way you don’t just go up after going through something, but fall occasionally and sometimes feel as though you’re back at square one, to the way that there definitely is hope in the dark moments, and a light at the end of the tunnel. albeit a very faint one.

it comforted me in a way and reminded me of what i thought to be lost. fruitless, even. but sometimes, it’s books like these that open our eyes to things we’ve forgotten during times of turmoil: the simple goodness of life. and of people.

“if you’re going through hell, keep going.” winston churchill.

⠀

( ✮ ) CANDYLAND — by @honeymoonjin

!! seokjin x reader ft. elf!jk | 13k !!

thriller, angst, fantasy, husband!jin, some cursing.

my mother is the biggest thriller fan. not that you needed to know that, but she is. and she’s not ashamed of it either. she’ll let you know if she’s reading a really good thriller in the moment. trust me, you’ll know.

me? not so much. i’m more of a sappy, hopeless romance, happy ending kind-of-sod — if you haven’t already guessed from this list. but there’s a reason this fic is on the list, too.

this fic genuinely kept me on the edge of my seat- uh, bed. the secrets of what darkness lingered behind the happy exterior of this adventure trip gripped my eyes to the screen, and lord, was it worth it.

throw a bit of husband!seokjin in there too? what more could you want! and written by @honeymoonjin? what a win.

let’s just say after this fic i added a few other thrillers to my basket. and happily reported to my mum i was a changed woman. okay, i’m exaggerating, but you get my point. it was incredible.

⠀

( ✎ ) LILY LUCK — by @gguksgalaxy

!! yoongi x reader | 10.7k !!

soulmates!au, angst, fluff if u squint, very slight implicit sexual content, anxiety.

although this fic may be the shortest on the list, do not underestimate its power. it is still as mighty as the others— perhaps, even more so.

i think the main emotion i want to hone into concerning this fanfic is compassion. it sinks into your bones and surrounds your entire being like a unwanted hug. and you can’t even stop it.

the author does a good job of making you feel intense compassion for the reader — who so desperately wants to meet her soulmate. which makes the ending that much more satisfying.

this is for those who’re lonely, need a pick up, or those who’re hopeless romantics and believe in love belonging to fate, such as myself.

“expectation is the root of all heartache.” william shakespeare. talking of the devil, he would definitely cry over this fic. either of bubbling emotions, or the fact he didn’t write it himself. sucks really. for him, not for me.

© marknee, 2023. all rights reserved.

[only-luce-the-goose]

Sick days

A/N: This is the last part of a previous request, I'm really happy that you have enjoyed the last two and I hope you enjoy this one. I've based off myself a little bit, just job wise really 🤷‍♀️

Arthur Leclerc x reader

Synopsis: "Maybee some of the care for her when she's sick 🥹🥹"

Warnings: sick reader, soft Arthur

You loved your job, getting to watch kids before and after school when their parents would drop them off early or pick them up late. You loved working with the different age groups, doing activities, and running around with them. It wasn't until you got sick that you realised that working with kids might not be completely good. You wake up on a Saturday morning, your sinuses are blocked up, you've got a pounding headache, and your joints ache.

You mentally curse yourself for getting sick, you knew it was from work since you haven't been anywhere else lately. What made it even worse? Arthur has a week off. You're supposed to pick him up from the airport tonight. Luckily you decided to gradually clean your shared apartment throughout the week, so everything has already been done. You gradually get up, heading to the kitchen to get breakfast. You put down 2 pieces of toast, spreading butter and vegemite on them when come up (I am an AUSTRALIAN. Vegemite toast is like a medical remedy for sick days, do not judge me 🫶).

After finishing breakfast, you move on with your day. You head to your home gym, hoping to get a little cardio done. You managed to make it through an hour on the treadmill before your sinuses became too much. You quickly shut it off before running to grab a tissue and pump yourself with more anti-cold tablets. You made it to the shower, washing off the sweat.

You spent the rest of the day in front of the tv, trying to relax and clear your cold up as much as you could. Arthur's plane was arriving at 9pm, so you knew you had to leave at 8pm. It was 7pm when you realised you must shower and get ready to pick your boyfriend up.

After parking at the airport, you made your way in to find Arthur's gate. You had about 20 minutes to go until he walked through the doors. Your nose was still stuffy and you had a bit of a cough, better than this morning but still not great. You sat on a bench, watching as his plane rolled up and connected to the ramp. He was the first person out of the door, frantically looking around until he spotted you.

He broke into a grin and picked up speed, you stood up and broke into a run. Bodies collided in a bone-crushing hug in the middle of the airport, your arms around his neck as he gripped your waist. He pulled his head back, and you let go and grabbed his luggage, avoiding his kiss so you wouldn't get him sick. You linked your hand with him, pulling his luggage behind you. He didn't move, letting go of your hand and pouting as you turned around.

"Baby, what are you doing?" slightly amused by his reaction, you moved closer to him. He mumbled under his breath, "What did you say?" you asked him. "You didn't kiss me" he said through his pout. You giggle a little when you answer, "Arty, I've got a cold, I don't want to get you sick on your time off". He gave you a massive eye roll when he said "Seriously, love? You know I don't give a shit of your sick or not, I'll gladly get sick if it means I still get to kiss you"

You laugh as you reach up to cup his cheek, "I think you might be going soft, baby" you joke. "I don't care" is the only thing you hear as he brings his hand to the back of your head and connects your lips in a mind-blowing, firework show of a kiss. You both make your ways back to the car and head home for the night. Lo and behold, you wake up the next morning with no cold symptoms. However, your boyfriend is shivering and sniffling. "I told you, baby" you says as you big spoon him, "Shut up", he responds, "I still love you, even if you got me sick" he chuckles. "I love you too, Arty"

[mockerycrow]

"I thought we were past this," with foap please 🫶

400 Follower Celebration

—“I thought we were past this.”— With John “Soap” MacTavish

Summary: Johnny ended up getting an eye infection and swears up and down he doesn’t have any issues with stuff near his eyes. spoiler alert: he does!

[WARNINGS: none, fluff.]

The alarm on your phone ringed out as it hit 8:00 AM and luckily for you, you were already awake. Your phone is vibrating angrily on the kitchen counter as you make breakfast for you and your boyfriend Johnny, who’s currently bundled up in blankets on your shared couch, sporting two infected eyes.

“John, it’s time for your eye drops!” You call out, tapping the “stop” button on your phone, ceasing the vibrations that nearly causes your phone to topple over the edge.

You wait for a response or for his footsteps, but you hear nothing. “Did’ya hear me?” You say a bit louder, using the tongs to flip the bacon on the pan. You again listen for signs of life over the grease popping noise coming from the pan, and you sigh. “I swear to god.” You mutter, turning the burner down to a low temperature.

You put the tongs on the paper towel covered plate and you quickly make your way from your kitchen, through your dining room, and you find yourself in Johnny’s last known location; but he isn’t there. You groan, finding his favorite blue blanket abandoned on the couch, along with his tissues and the TV remote.

You can’t help but laugh a little bit because the thing that provoked this reaction is eyedrops. Your loud-mouthed, competitive and cocky boyfriend runs scared from eyedrops. Your boyfriend who is quite literally in an elite task force, your boyfriend who is a trained goddamn sniper and demolitions expert. “I thought we were past this!” You shout, scanning the room with your eyes.

You knew he could be sneaky when he wanted to be, but you’ve been with him long enough to know his regular hiding spots and the spaces he thought you didn’t know about, but of course you do.

So, there began your search. You searched behind the curtain of the living room, you searched the bathroom, behind the shower curtain and all, the hallway closet that stored a variety of things, everything. Yet you could not find him. You sigh, nearly giving up to just text him, you have an idea. You didn’t check the garage.

You grab the eyedrops and walk down the hall and you open the garage door that’s connected to the house. You flip the light switch on and you find Johnny fucking hiding in the car. He looks at you with a deer in headlights look through the window and you burst out laughing, a harsh wheeze being ripped from your lungs. He fucking hid in the car?? “I- Alright, oookaayy Johnny,” You giggle, trying to open the car door but finding it’s locked. “Get out of the car so we can get this over with.”

“Over my dead body!” He yells, muffled but you can still hear his thick accent clear as day.

You sigh and enter the house and for a moment, Johnny thinks he’s safe—until he hears the car doors unlock.

He forgot this is also your car.

[arcadia-of-pluto]

Twist of Fate; Chapter Twelve

Pairings; LADS OT4 x reader

Word count; 3,534

Themes; isekai, eventual smut

Rating; 18+ for mature content and swearing

Notes; Second update! ✨️ I honestly want to hurry to the good part, but I need to slow down my uploading. I can't wait for yall to get to the best part. I can't say much about it, but I'm so excited for it. It's only a few chapters away though, so you might get to see it next weekend!

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Masterlist

Dim neon light seeps in through the cracks in the windows, illuminating the cold rain from outside. The darkness is eerily still. The only chance to catch a glimpse of anything was whenever lightning lit up the night sky. You hold your breath and grip your gun more tightly. You had to remind yourself to stay calm. It’s not the first time you’ve had to fight in the dark before, but at least there was more light then. You hear heavy footsteps as something approaches, it sounds like a monster trampling on the ground. “You’re breathing too loudly.” You hear Sylus chastise you from the communicator in your ear. “So…you’re in the comms channel?” You ask, sounding genuinely surprised. “I didn’t turn off the lights to force you into combat, you know? We’re stalling for time.” “You really are something. You didn’t retreat and leave me alone here, right? Am I just trying to buy some time for you?” You ask, making sure to slowly step back toward the wall so at least your back wasn’t exposed to any threats.

A crow suddenly caws outside the window. Its loud, unpleasant cry is familiar to you. You hear the flapping of wings and mechanical movements in the darkness, and Sylus laughs disdainfully, “Aim at Mephisto.” You tilt your head to the side, about to connect some dots before you sigh, “Who?” “The crow. He’s trying to help you.” Sylus sounds a bit disappointed that you had to ask such an obvious question, but you just wanted to make sure. You aim your gun at Mephisto’s red eyes and, sure enough, as you fire you hear wanderers dissipate one after the other. It doesn’t…seem like the number of enemies is decreasing.

“Sylus, if they can’t clone themselves like bacteria, they’re usually immortal like you.” You say and the line is silent. You raise a brow and tap your foot. “Uh…Sylus?” There’s still no response. It’s as if the call was suddenly cut off. Did something happen to him or did he just leave you again? You can’t even ponder on any of those thoughts, there’s still figures in the darkness that are heading straight for you. Desperate, you shoot the wine barrels that decorate the ceiling. A cascade of alcohol rains down, covering the wooden floor. Your bullets instantly set them aflame and then you hear the crackling of something burning. Yet the figures don’t cry out. They don’t even stop for a second.

Amidst the blue firelight, you see their faces- under the corroded, crystallized skin, they seem to have human…faces. They resemble humans more than wanderers.

Then, suddenly, the rampaging monsters fall over, curling up into a fetal position. You assume Sylus had something to do with this, though what exactly he did, you had no idea. It seems like they were disconnected from something- or someone. The one closest to you, with a tattoo-like mark on its chest, has been burnt beyond recognition. A viscous mixture of oil and slime leaks from its wounds and onto the wooden floor. This must be the type of blood they have. Their crystalised skin looks like protocores..you’ve seen these before, though you can’t remember from where. Are these things humans or…

The lights switch back on, which surprises you, but you quietly wrap a tissue around one of the small crystals and hide it in your sleeve for later inspection. Then, you rise to your feet and turn to face Sylus, who suddenly reappeared. “Did you finish everything on your end?” You ask with a raised brow, tucking your guns back into their holsters. “Let’s go.” Is all he says. As usual, he’s calm and won’t be telling you what he was up to so you’ll just have to infer that he took care of things on his end. “Thank you for your patronage! Please be careful out there,” Violet says, making sure to make eye contact with you as she speaks, a small smile on her lips. She lifts her hand up to wave before hesitating and, instead, she comes over to you to wrap her arms around you for a hug.

“Oh-” Your arms stay lifted in the air before you let out a small laugh and hug her back, “You be careful too, Violet.” With one hand on your shoulder, she opens your pocket and places a small storage device in it. “You really are a special person, Missy.” She steps away from you only for a small body to run into you. You feel arms wrap around your leg and you look down to see Lily. “Hey there sweetheart,” your lips almost hurt from all the smiling you’ve done today and you ruffle her hair. “Bye bye, Miss Calla.” She murmurs into your shirt and you realize she gave you a nickname from the Calla Lily. A fitting nickname.

Then, you’re on Sylus’ motorcycle. Your arms wrapped around his waist and you’re a bit nervous since it's raining, but you’re confident in Sylus’ driving capabilities. The motorcycle zooms down the road until you both return to Sylus’ base. Though, he leaves you on your own. You sigh, sitting down on one of the chairs in the room you were in earlier. You take your time looking around the room before jumping in surprise as you spot the same black crow from earlier, now perched on the back of one of the chairs. He props himself up on one wing before opening his beak to caw at you. You cock your head to the side before walking over to the crow to pick him up. “Did you break your wing? I guess you’re not bulletproof…” You frown, running your index finger down his head. “Mephisto…That’s your name, right?” You’re not sure why you’re talking to a crow exactly, but he does caw back as if responding to you.

“Hmm…You know, I met a crow named Mephi a little while ago. Does she sound familiar to you?” “Caw…” “Ah, you don’t wanna talk about that? Are you jealous? Anyway, I guess I must’ve hit you on accident?” “Caw!” As if expressing his grievances, the crow screeches. It sounds like a metal spoon is being scraped against a metal bowl. “Don’t tell me you’re upset!” You laugh and the crow caws once more as if upset that you’re laughing. “You’re saying it’s my fault then!?” You shake your head, moving your hand so Mephisto is perched on your fingers, “If I say I’m sorry will that make things better?” The crow keeps cawing as if he’s telling you off. “Look, I said I was sorry!”

“What happened?”

You let out a squeak of surprise, quickly turning around to spot Sylus leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest. A glass of wine held between two fingers as he waltz further into the room, his gaze sweeping across your face until it lands on what’s in your hands. “Coo..” Mephisto does his best to look pitiful in front of his master. “Hey! I didn’t do it on purpose,” You pout at the crow before sighing and looking back at Sylus, “He’s saying his wing is broken and it’s my fault.” “So…you learned how to speak bird in just a few hours?” Sylus raises a brow, taking a sip of his wine. “I’m just…explaining the situation on his behalf,” You clear your throat, turning your head to look away as the white haired man steps closer before he takes the crow from you, your sympathetic gaze following the poor bird.

“Okay, I’ll admit I might’ve accidentally injured your pet. How should I compensate you?” You cross your arms over your chest. “His name is Mephisto. He gets very upset if you call him a pet.” “So his name is Mephisto,” You hit your hand on your fist as if you just got a eureka moment, “Speaking of M names, does the name Mephi ring a bell?” The only hint of an answer you get is Sylus’ eyebrow twitching before he looks at Mephisto’s wing. “Did something strange happen before they attacked?” Sylus asks, running his fingers over the mechanical bird’s wing. You take a deep breath to swallow the tiny flame of anger that licked at your throat, annoyed you can’t get a straight answer out of this man, before crossing your arms over your chest and you look away from him, “You should ask Mephisto what happened. You made him follow me around for observation.” “True.” Sylus retorts and you raise a brow, “Ha– You’re not going to deny it?”

Sylus purposefully leans forward, his eyes shining like rippling, cold liquid and a hint of a smirk ghosts across his lips, “Were you hoping I’d be flustered with how you exposed me?” He hums, before he continues, “We’re in the N109 Zone, sweetie. Whether you’re with me or by yourself, you can’t escape my influence. Please don’t be delusional.” After calling you sweetie, he wants you to not be delusional? That’s a tough thing to ask for. “...I’m not the only one who’s delusional,” You take a step back, feeling the corner of the table pressing into the back of your thigh, “Isn’t a certain someone hoping I dislike him less so I can resonate with him?” Sylus lets out a scoff, putting a hand on your head to mess up your hair before he steps away.

Despite having gone through such a big ordeal and being mocked, Sylus still shows no signs of anger or annoyance. He fiddles with Mephisto’s broken wing, takes a sip of his drink, then places the glass…in your hand.

Why the hell– Your brows furrow and you try to put the glass down somewhere but Sylus suddenly turns around, walking to the other side of the room before calling you over to him. “Hurry up.” “Huh?” You put your free hand on your hip with a scoff escaping from your lips. “Bring me more wine.” Who the hell does he think he is? “Am I a bar or something to you? Or better yet, should I act like a maid?” You set the glass on the table, refusing to bring him anything. “Compared to you, a maid is more obedient.” And with that, he takes off with his long legs. He reaches the elevator in just a few steps before turning his head to see you haven’t caught up with him, so he beckons for you with his hand that’s holding Mephisto. “Alright, alright. I’m coming,” You murmur under your breath. It takes you a bit longer to get to the elevator since you’re shorter than Sylus but once you make it, you both step on the elevator together.

“So…” You tap your fingers against the metal bar in the elevator and glance over at Sylus from the corner of your eye, “Did you have a crow named Mephi or was that just a coincidence?” “Hmm?” The white haired man looks over at you, “I thought you were being hostile with me?” “Just answer me,” You let out an exasperated sigh and Sylus leans back against the elevator wall, “I did. Have a crow named Mephi, that is. Mephisto is named after her.” If memory serves, the employee at the shelter said Mephi was surrendered by Mr S…”So you-” The elevator finally stops at the bottom floor and the doors open. It seems your conversation with Sylus was cut short.

He takes the device that Violet had given you and transfers the data from the device, a hologram of Solon Hotel appears. The other file is a list of the auction’s attendees, it even has your fake identity and name on it. While it’s not complete, it’s enough for you to get a better understanding of the auction. You’d have to thank Violet the next time you see her. “By the way, those guys who tried to capture me back at Elysium…Were they actually traitors who used to work for Onychinus?” You fiddle with a loose string on the sleeve of your borrowed shirt, “They also mentioned a “Mr. Sherman.” Who’s that?” Sylus shakes his head, glancing over at you, “Why are you interested in a dead person?” Next to you, Sylus tosses aside Mephisto’s broken parts and gives you a blank expression. You look right back at him, remembering what the workshop’s owner had said before.

“...Just two explosions- one in the northern suburbs and one in the Bloomshore District. And after doing those shameless things and making a mess, then they want you to be their scapegoat.”

If there’s another faction within Onychinus, then the incident at Grandma’s house could be related to Sherman rather than Sylus. “...They must also be after the aether core in my body, right? In a way, your conflict involves me so I should know stuff like this if I’m working with you…But you left me behind on purpose as bait, didn’t you? So you could clean up?” You turn your body to fully face the man with a raised brow and a hand on your hip, “How am I supposed to trust you enough to work with you after all of that?” As you look over to him, he and Mephisto exchange glances and the crow lets out a defiant wail. “It doesn’t matter how deep your hatred is. You’ve cursed me enough. Get over it,” You lean forward a bit, pointing your finger at the crow, “Besides, I already apologized! It was an accident, I didn’t mean to injure you. Also, you were stalking me earlier so even if I did it on purpose, you deserve it.”

“You can scold me directly, if you want.” Sylus places a hand on Mephisto’s head, setting his screwdriver on the table before he looks over to you. Under the hazy light, he reveals a rather gentle look completely uncharacteristic of him. His deep crimson eyes swimming with an emotion you can’t quite place. You clear your throat, trying to compose yourself since you had, understandably, been unreasonably angry with him.

You were perfect bait for him to clean up his ranks and, even if he didn’t use you as bait, you were going to have to face those people sooner or later. You’d rather sooner than later, if you were honest.

A silence settles between you both and you clear your throat, coughing into your fist as you decide to try and change the topic to lighten up the mood. “So…when we first met, you said we were the same…” You trail off, realizing that if you don’t ask now that he might not have the patience to answer you about it tomorrow, “You…probably have an aether core inside you too, right?” You tap under your right eye, fingers brushing against your old scar.

‘Mine is in my heart and yours is in your eye.” “Sure, think of it like that.” “My aether core doesn’t seem to be any different from a normal protocore though…It’s not very useful, but that’s not the case with yours.” A small pout on your lips, a bit disappointed that your aether core couldn’t do anything cool or help you out with anything.

Sylus stops moving his hands for a moment and looks at you with a blank expression, “It helps me see what people want the most. It exposes the desires that they refuse to admit.” You pause at that chunk of information. A bit worried by what exactly he can see with his eye since you have a few desires of your own that are...embarrassing to admit. The tiniest bit of a blush creeps up your cheeks and you turn your head. Good to note, don’t look Sylus in the eyes anymore starting today. Though your eyes can’t help but be drawn back to his. You’re not sure if you looked out of curiosity or something else, though you flinch as you’re bombarded with the voices again.

“Devour…”

It sounded like your voice, but more distorted. It almost sent shivers up your spine, but you refused to let whatever it was control you anymore. You wince, touching your forehead before you massage your temples, your eyes closing. When you finally open your eyes back up, his face is a breath away. Your eyes widen a bit and you bring your hand up to press down on the area around his right eye. You can’t tell what he’s feeling, his face as blank as ever. His thin eyelashes gently brush against your fingers. Your lips part as you almost get lost in his crimson gaze. The older man doesn’t break eye contact with you, as if he’s looking at something hidden in the depths of your gaze.

Once he finds it, he chuckles, an almost annoyed expression on his face, “Have you gone mad?” You shake your head, blinking a few times before a blush spreads across your cheeks, “I…–” Your breath hitches in your throat as he suddenly moves closer, his eyelashes almost brushing against your cheek. “I’m…sorry. I just wanted to get a closer look at your aether core.” You cleared your throat and you assumed he would push you away, but he doesn’t.

“Do you…like it when people do that?” You raise a brow, meeting his gaze once more after you take a deep breath. “Didn’t you want to resonate with me? Do you want to try again?” You felt a bit better about Sylus so you assume it should work this time. You don’t waste any time and grab his hand. “Come on. I’ll use both hands this time!” Sylus sighs, shaking his head as he felt a chill sweep across his body. You weren’t sure if it’s the cold breeze coming in from a small gap in the window or his aura. You decide to mentally chant a few phrases to yourself to try and help the resonating process. “He’s good at fighting…He’s good at fighting.” The old gas lamp above you both flickers and emits a light softer than the sound of your breaths. “He looks good. He looks good. He’s attractive–”

“I can hear you talking.” You pause, not realizing you were talking out loud. With red ears, you clear your throat, “Enjoy it. This is one of the two good things I can think about you.” You quickly turn your gaze to your interlocked hands, but you still can’t feel even the slightest change. It seems you can’t rush your resonance but with the auction fast approaching, you need him to work with you as soon as possible. You take a deep breath before using the nicest tone you can muster, “You already know I entered the N109 Zone to get the aether core that’s at the auction and since you want to resonate with me, I have an idea. I don’t know if I should say it though…”

“Then don’t.” Sylus says plainly and you have to bite back your anger, “But I can’t resonate with you because I reject you on a subconscious level. That means my evol is controlled by my emotions. Changing a person’s feelings might be difficult, but it won’t be that hard…I think. But you’ve got to work with me.” You finally let go of his hands, crossing your arms over your chest as you lift your chin up at him, “There’s any easy solution right in front of us. Help me get the aether core and ensure my safety by escorting me out of the N109 Zone. You’ll be able to use me as bait to clean up, right?” “It’s almost as if your face is saying you’re doing me a huge favour.” He scoffs.

You don’t even notice, but you have a pout on your lips. This is your only bargaining chip, so you can only bluff to appear more confident about the situation at hand. Though, you knew your clumsy attempt wouldn’t be enough to fool Sylus. That’s why you’re telling the truth. “I don’t know why you insist on resonating with me, but as long as you’re willing to help me, I’ll help you.” You speak with your hands and Sylus shifts his gaze from the map to look at you indifferently, “That’s not enough.” “Then what do you want?” You raise a brow, throwing your hands up, “Should I beg? I can do it.” “As much as I’d love to hear you beg…We could do this instead.” He opens the bottom drawer of the desk and pulls out a jewel encrusted crow brooch. “If you can take this from me within 24 hours, I’ll agree to your terms.” “Do you always test people before you work with them? Are you testing my skills? My intelligence? Or my value?” You glance at the brooch, wondering if you could grab it now and be done already. You try to grab it while he’s distracted when it suddenly disappears in the blink of an eye.

“Only when you have a bargaining chip can you make a deal.” He crosses his arms over his chest, “And since you’re the one who proposed this, use your own methods. You should be grateful that the goal is clear enough this time.”

And now we've made it to the brooch stealing arc! I believe after this, we have the protocore auction and then...well 👀 who knows? I mean– I know, but I'm keeping my mouth shut.

I really hope I'm not hyping this up too much, only for yall to hate it...but time will tell! Anyways, I'll possibly post chapter thirteen during this weekend as well. Perhaps on Monday since I'm off and I'll consider it an extra day for the weekend schedule <3

Taglist; @orphicmeliora , @yoongi-tunes , @mitzkooni , @hiqhkey , @tanspostsblog

[thebibliosphere]

So, I've been getting a few "hey, so now you're fixed, you're going to write books faster now, right?" type messages, and hmmm. That's a loaded word right there. "Fixed."

Yeah, not too keen on that word.

What I assume these people mean to do is congratulate me on finding out a major cause of distress and illness in my life and offer well wishes for my continued relief and recovery. I assume that's what was really meant. But just to entertain the first part of that ask, no, I am not "fixed."

There is no "fixing" the kind of chronic illness or disabilities I have. My ailments are genetic and lifelong, and if you're new here, newly diagnosed at the start of the pandemic, so my treatment thus far has been limited. Most of it is things I have pieced together myself.

That I've been able to do anything over the last year when I suffered 215+ migraine days on top of the connective tissue disorder I have, and the other condition that causes spontaneous anaphylaxis--not to mention the unmedicated ADHD I cannot treat with meds (yet)--is nothing short of miraculous.

So, now that my migraines are improving thanks to finding out I have binocular vision disorder on top of all the other stuff, will I be writing books faster?

I can only hope so.

But I also cannot say, "yes, absolutely, one book a year from here on out," because I just do not have the physical and mental capacity to guarantee that. Nor am I going to inflict that kind of mental and physical torture on myself (again) because it's the exact kind of thing that causes my health to crash and burn. And here's the thing:

Every time I burn myself out. Every time I push myself too far to keep up, it takes longer and longer to recover. The harder I push myself, the fewer books I will produce. That's the truth of it.

So I get it, it's frustrating. You want more of the fun thing (and thank you so much for loving what I do!), but you'll have to bear with me a little bit longer.

I am finding my stride as a multiply disabled creator, and I've spent the last two years untangling the guilt and imposter syndrome I experience over being "popular" but not being well enough to produce work at the same pace as everyone else around me.

I have worked out a system that I hope will be sustainable instead of leading to the continuous cycle of burnout I was trapped in for 10+ years as an editor. I have safety nets and supports in place that I didn't have before, and hopefully, those will help too. Time will tell.

Am I excited to get back to work? Absolutely. I'm ecstatic at the prospect of having fewer migraine days and more coherent brain days. But I'm also going to take my time to enjoy the process as well. I'd like to enjoy the things I write too. And I hope you can appreciate that.

So thank you for understanding, and for your patience. If you decide you can't wait, I'll understand. But please don't send authors, even able-bodied, neurotypical ones, messages like that. It's unkind. And I don't think any of you mean to be unkind.

[scientia-rex]

Hysteria isn't a fucking thing

ok fun fact: I'm rapidly becoming a cult favorite doctor among our local privileged elderly white ladies, which I have mixed feelings about, but the #1 reason is that I just don't leap to "anxiety" as an explanation for symptoms unless the patient tells me "I am anxious, and then I feel these symptoms, and when I am not anxious, I don't feel these symptoms."

The sheer number of women I've seen who've been told for years to decades that the only thing wrong with them is anxiety is fucking staggering, in this Year Of Our Lord 2023, and I just keep digging. We checked a basic lab panel, sure. CBC. No anemia. CMP. Kidneys are fine. (Electrolytes are basically always going to be fine if someone is well enough to walk into my office under their own power to talk to me. Exception is mild chronic hyponatremia.) And we check thyroid. TSH and free T4. We check blood sugar. A1c, if the fasting is a little weird. Fasting insulin, if I'm still suspicious. We check cortisol. Inflammatory markers--ESR and CRP.

And eventually, if the symptoms support it, or right away, depending on my level of suspicion, we check rheumatological labs for abnormal autoimmune function. Anti-nuclear antibody. Rheumatoid factor. There's at least a dozen you can check, and which ones you should check is always a matter of debate and also of expertise that I 100% lack. We are out in the sticks. There are no "local" rheumatologists for me to send people to.

But a couple of weeks ago I found a woman--she has bipolar disorder and has been told for decades that's all that's wrong with her--who has an anti-centromere antibody titer that's fucking through the roof. I found an anxious 19-year-old with an ANA of 1:1380. And yesterday I found out why a sweet elderly woman I've seen for a year or two now started feeling crappy months ago: her rheumatoid factor is over 90.

Rheumatological disorders are always difficult. Our understanding of them varies from "pretty good, actually, and here are useful treatments" to "Well I Guess That Exists." Labs aren't always a slam-dunk and even labs plus symptoms can give you misleading impressions. Your immune system can decide that virtually any short chunk of protein is an enemy, and the problem with that is that your body is made up of many, many, many short chunks of proteins, so the odds that you'll develop some kind of antibody against yourself just keeps going up over your lifetime. Immune disorders tend to travel in packs; there's a clear genetic element to it, so the more first-degree relatives (parent, sibling, child) you have with any kind of autoimmune disorder (including Type 1 diabetes), the higher your risk of any kind of autoimmune disorder is, and if you already have one autoimmune disorder, you're at higher risk for developing another one.

But I think it's precisely because they're difficult that a lot of mainstream primary care prefers to pretend they don't exist, rather than try to sift through the utter fucking mess that is Mixed Connective Tissue Disorders, a title that has fallen out of favor since I learned it in my third year of med school. And women are at higher risk for autoimmune disorders than men. And older women are at higher risk than younger women.

So if I, as a family doc, just keep digging, just keep poking at the tangled knot of symptoms, there's a decent chance I will uncover something interesting. Hopefully something treatable. Sometimes we have nothing to treat with, and I just get to offer someone more understanding of their disorder, which feels pretty paltry but is better than the casual dismissal of "You're just anxious."

Never, ever, ever take anxiety as a diagnosis for a symptom other than anxiety. Not even as a rule-out. Keep those symptoms as an open question mark on the patient. Don't say "anxiety" just so you can close the door. And damn sure don't do it to women.

I'm actively working on learning more so I can be more helpful, in our Rheum-less community, so if you have good lectures or books, please drop me a lead.