#But like still if you have to be a completely diff person for the first date it’s probably a wrap anyways

[zeka-maki]

HI i love ur writing tbh, could u do aventurine, sunday, phainon (and maybe other characters u want too add, i really don't mind) with a gn reader that's super clingy in private but when they meet in public they are a completely diff person?? If you do this thank you so mcuh oh my goodness because this is my first time requesting ^__^ (ps i love your account theme!!)

ʚɞ And I wanna spend some time with you, just the two of us ʚɞ

Pairings: Phainon x Reader, Aventurine x Reader, Sunday x Reader

Summary: Having a clingy lover, he thinks he's won in life. Until his lover becomes distant in public. Spiraling, he tries to figure out what's wrong. Only to find out you dislike the attention it attracts, now he needs extra hours of love as compensation.

Tags: Fluff, established relationship, Implied AE!Reader on Sunday's part but they can be a guest too,

A/N: TYSM FOR THE REQ! Jejwkwkw I'm glad you like the theme!!! No need to be nervous dww 🫡 hope i wrote this the way you wanted, enjoy!

⚘ Phainon:

Phainon never imagined anyone could rival him in clinginess — until he met you. At home, you’re always wrapped around him: lying on his chest, kissing his cheek, clutching his hand like you’ll float away if you let go. It makes his heart flutter so much he thinks it might combust.

So when you approach him in the Marmoreal Market and barely say a word, his world falters a little.

You don’t greet him with a kiss, or even a hug. Just a short hello. He blinks, stunned. “Are you… feeling alright?” he asks, voice unsure.

“Yeah. Just came to see you,” you say plainly, eyes already scanning the shops around you.

Phainon goes quiet. His mind races. Did he forget something? Your birthday? An anniversary? Did he say something wrong? Why won’t you look at him like you usually do?

He walks close to you, trailing your steps like a sad puppy. Even when you brush him off gently, he stays near — loyal and quietly heartbroken.

By the time you’re both home, he finally snaps. He wraps you in his arms in a desperate hug, clinging so tightly you nearly lose your breath. His face is tucked against your shoulder.

“…I’m sorry,” he mumbles.

You blink. “For what?”

“I don’t know. Just… sorry.”

You sigh softly, stroking his back. “Phai, there’s nothing to be sorry for. I just didn’t want to attract attention, that’s all. It’s not about you. I promise.”

His arms fall away. He stares at the ground. Then gently, he bumps his forehead against your shoulder, like a silent request.

You get the message and hug him again. He immediately latches back on, burying his face into your neck.

“I love you,” he mumbles into your skin. “I love you. I love you. I love you.” Like a chant to calm his panicked little heart.

⚘ Aventurine:

What Aventurine loves most about you is how clingy you are behind closed doors. In the quiet warmth of your home, you wrap yourself around him, whispering sweet nothings in his ear, and he eats up every second of it. It makes him feel wanted — truly, deeply loved. He wouldn't trade it for anything. A clingy lover? That’s the jackpot of his life.

So when he sees you walking into the casino, he lights up immediately. A sly, affectionate smile pulls at his lips. He stands up right in the middle of a game, brushing off the table like it means nothing.

“Sweetheart! Come to check up on me? How sweet of you,” he says, charm practically dripping from his voice.

“Oh. Yes. I just wanted to check in,” you reply, coolly — almost like you’re greeting a co-worker.

Aventurine freezes. Smile still intact, but there's a flicker in his eyes. He waits for more. A wink, a teasing remark, maybe a hidden kiss behind a hand of cards. Nothing comes.

“What happened to my usual ‘Good morning, my beautiful Aventurine’?” he says with a laugh that sounds a bit too forced.

No hugs, no kisses, no fingers tangling in his tie — he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He watches you from the corner of his eye as you sit beside him silently. You’re calm. Collected. As if the two of you weren’t just tangled up on the couch this morning.

By the time you both return home, he’s trying not to spiral. And then — you kiss him. No hesitation. No distance. Just affection, pure and bright.

He looks at you, confused, even hurt. “…So nothing’s wrong?”

You smile softly. “Didn’t want to attract attention, love.”

Aventurine exhales like he just survived a fire. He pulls you in tight, burying his face in your neck with a dramatic groan.

“You should’ve warned me,” he grumbles. “I was this close to blowing all our savings and fleeing the planet.” Drama queen to the end — but yours, always.

⚘ Sunday:

Sunday’s not the clingy type. He loves affection, sure — he just doesn’t need it every second of the day. But you? You’re clingy in the most lovable way, and he’s always happy to indulge you. Whether you're clinging to his back in the kitchen or curling up in his lap on the couch, he never complains.

So when you slide into a seat beside him in the Astral Express parlor, quietly greeting him with a neutral “Hey,” he raises an eyebrow.

No nickname. No brush of your hand on his. Just silence and space.

He doesn’t push. He merely glances at you from the corner of his eye, lips twitching in thought. He watches you scroll through your phone while March chats with Dan Heng nearby. You're distant — deliberately so.

He waits.

And waits.

No explanation. No excuse.

By the time you return to his room together, he closes the door gently and wraps an arm around your waist, still calm but serious now. His golden eyes search yours.

You pause, then sigh. “Sorry, angel. I didn’t want to draw attention. March would’ve never let me live it down if I got all over you in public.”

He doesn’t say anything at first. Then he leans his head on your shoulder with a tiny, amused pout.

“…I forgive you,” he says at last. “But you’re staying with me tonight. No takebacks.”

Oh, he’s playing the long game. Scheming bird indeed.

[idontmindifuforgetme]

If what makes you feel comfortable is being all decked out in a fancy fit then ABSOLUTELY go for it. I just think that’s what it has to about. Comfort . Like prioritizing what makes YOU feel good over what you think would impress them. Bc then it’s all about them and not about you at all and how is that any fun

Best first date tip advice I ever got is not to do too much . Like not even in terms of “oh if ur in a pretty dress and ur hair is all done then it’s gonna come off as desperate” I literally just mean that putting hours of planning into a first date will set up SO many expectations. Like you will be inclined to think it has to be the best first date of ur life, only to be disappointed when u guys don’t click or the other person doesn’t put in as much effort or whatever. Also you’re literally doing all that for a stranger and like no stranger is worth all the trouble

[hedwig221b]

Hi! Can you please recommend age gap sterek fics? 🙏🙏❤️❤️

and @dauntlesslypinkterror asked:

Hii. Can you recommend age difference fics? ❤️❤️

You may notice by the length of this rec list that I love age diff... This was very delightful to put together. Featuring older Derek as well as some older Stiles

Older Derek

serve me lemonade by endversed

"Do not hit on our professor,” Lydia says. “Technically,” Stiles starts to point out, “he’s just our professor’s friend.” “Technically,” she purses her mouth primly around the retort, “he’s old enough to be your father.” Instantly, Stiles catches his tongue between his teeth. He can feel his nose scrunching up with the utter glee of his smile. “I know,” he breathes. “Isn’t it awesome?” Stiles is a law student with a thing for older men. Derek is the middle-aged divorcee he wants to climb like a tree.

DNCE (Desperate Need for Care and Ecstasy) by LillianDeLooney

Gentle lumberjack Derek takes care of Stiles in a new and exciting way.

Hunger by SinQueen69

Anon on tumblr: Are prompts open? feel free to ignore. 40 year old werewolf Derek/ Succubus Stiles. Derek is a hot experienced werewolf who can keep up with Stiles hunger, Stiles can takes whatever Derek can dish out and looks like all his shameful jailbait fantasies. Rough sex, knotting, come inflation, and Derek using Stile' little demon horns as a hold to pull him back on his dick. + Anon on tumblr wanted: Hey can you write a story where Derek has to train Stiles to take his very BIG cock and then after taking it for the first time Stiles becomes addicted to Dereks dick and he wants to have it in him all the time?

Put Down in Words by paintedrecs

"Oh,” Stiles said, his voice coming out low and breathy, “fuck me.” “I don’t think that’s on the syllabus, but we can check to see if there’s a spot open in any of his classes,” Scott said, grinning. “This isn’t an actual professor, though,” Stiles insisted, unable to resist brushing his thumb over the sharp line of the man’s bearded jaw. He was laughing at something off-camera, the shot taken in three-quarters view, his coat collar casually rumpled and opened to reveal a sliver of a simple grey t-shirt. The whole thing was deliberately calculated to lend him a more accessible feel, and god help him, Stiles was falling for it. * When Stiles signed up for Dr. Hale’s intro to history class, he had two goals: knock out the credits his advisor was bugging him to complete before he graduated, and spend a few hours a week daydreaming about his sexy professor’s salt and pepper beard. Derek, a few months away from turning forty and not sure when his life had started feeling so damn lonely, had never encountered someone like Stiles before. Bright-eyed, sharp-tongued, determined to throw Derek’s carefully cultivated world into disarray…and absolutely the last person Derek should be falling in love with.

Impatient by SinQueen69

2024 Suggestion Form Anon: Older biker/criminal Derek loves corrupting 16 year old sheriff's son Stiles. Stiles makes a joke about how it's good he can't get preggo but Derek instantly develops a new kink. The thought of knocking Stiles up so everyone in town knows that Stiles let Derek breed him, that it was Derek that stole Stiles out from under the sheriff's overprotective grip is almost too much. Any Fandom Dark Bingo Square: Forbidden Relationship

i've been pushing for this (for so long) by marinbel

"I’m too old for you,” Derek says. “Peter’s too old for me, and he still wants to fuck me,” Stiles says. He smiles—just a little, just the corner of his mouth—and spares a glance in Derek’s direction. “I think you’re just fine.”

Hitchhiking and Propositions by halcyon1993

Stiles hitchhikes and gets picked up by an older man.

One life stand by Vendelin

Stiles is used to selling himself to make ends meet. But it's getting harder to keep those ends meeting, and there's only so much of Stiles to go around. Until a too-fancy car shows up in his neighborhood, and he meets Derek Hale. All Derek wants is Stiles's time, someone to stay on his arm for events and smile for the cameras. It's the easiest job Stiles has ever had, the best-paying one he's ever had, and he's more than happy to sign up. Derek is everything and nothing Stiles expects him to be, with his tailored suits, sharp mind and his quiet way of caring. But it's just a job and Stiles never meant to fall in love.

Put In His Place bySinQueen69

Tumblr Anon: aggressive underage omega Stiles pursuing older alpha Derek who is reluctant because he's married or he feels guilty about the age difference

One Door Closes by KouriArashi

Derek knows that Stiles is too young for him, but Stiles doesn't agree. Eight years after Derek rejects him due to the age gap, they meet again where Derek has settled in Wyoming as a ranch hand, and Stiles is the new deputy, and still pissed as hell about the way Derek turned him down. Things don't go as either of them planned. (I'm sure a million fics have been written about older Stiles and Derek, but this one has cowboy Derek, does that help?)

With or Without You by SinQueen69

Anon on Tumblr wanted: Could you write Alpha stepdad Derek finally gives in to barely legal omega Stiles' seduction. & Anon from my feedback form wanted: bottom stiles. belly bulge, nipple play, a/b/o, so much dirty talk

Off Limits by halcyon1993

A story in two parts: When Stiles tags along to one of his dad's basketball games, he's instantly drawn to one of his dad's friends, a man named Derek Hale. Derek is over twice his age, but Stiles can't stop himself from wanting him. Jackson has hidden his sexuality and obeyed his parents' orders for years, but when the pressure finally becomes too much, he can't do either of those things anymore. As his best friend Danny helps him to pick up the pieces of his life and discover who he truly is, Jackson realises there might be more between them than he thought.

His Father's Friend by SinQueen69

Tumblr Anon: Derek is John’s friend from high school coming to stay with him while he manages a messy divorce. John’s happy to have an extra set of hands around the house and someone to makes sure 16 yo Stiles is home by curfew. He wouldn’t be so happy if he knew what went on while he’s at work. Kinks-size and age difference, bottom Stiles, hung Derek, taboo kink, possessive Derek, forbidden love. + Stiles has very puffy sensitive nipples and Derek just can’t leave them alone. He gropes and pinches them whenever he can, he shoves Stiles into dark corners and makes Stiles pull up his shirt so he can suck on them in public, he pulls out of Stiles’ mouth half way through a blow job to rub his wet cock on them. Kinks- Stiles with sensitive puffy nipples, hung uncut Derek, possible surprise lactation.

Oh, Teach

Stiles is Derek’s mate, and Derek is Stiles’ professor. So Derek does the only logical thing he can think of: he repels him.

Alway's Hungry by SinQueen69

Chapter 1-Anonymous prompt fill: Teen Stiles starts hooking up with or is in a sugar daddy/baby relationship with an older bear with a big, hairy gut. He loves parading Stiles around in crop tops, tiny shorts, choker collars, covered in hickies. They fuck in public bathrooms, or Stiles sits on his cock every opportunity he gets. Stiles with zero shame loving his daddy's coke can thick cock. Barebacking/toys/creampies/voyeurism all great! Chapter 2: Anon on Tumblr wanted: Can I prompt sterek + spanking + daddy kink + exhibitionism Chapter 3: request from moodyprincess00 for Fisting

How Derek Got His Groove Back by WhoNatural

Cora kicks him under the table. “Do you have the hots for the baby lawyer?” she hisses urgently, and Derek blinks at her, feeling his face heat. “Don’t be ridiculous. He’s young enough to be my--” “Younger brother,” she cuts in, and shakes her head. “Age difference excuses do not fly with me. Are you gonna ask him out? Derek, you need to do something about that.” “About what?” he says, frowning, watching as Stiles sits down at a table with a group of older, lawyer-types. “The fact that you’re both about one drink away from sex in some janitor’s closet.”

Sharp and Sweet, Soft and Sound by astrugglingstoic

After spending the last six years together, Stiles thought it was time to expand their family.

A New Toy by SinQueen69

Derek has a new toy for his baby to try out.

Housekeeping by lvmehtme

Derek is a busy novelist with no time to care about or clean up his house. When he's made aware of the condition of his house he turns to a housekeeping agency for help. Stiles is having financial troubles and takes on a load of jobs to help him and his father get by.

The Long Way Home by MonsieurBlueSky (MyChemicalRachel)

Stiles didn’t plan to sleep with his best friend’s dad. It just kind of happened. And then it happened again. And again. And again…

Later, mate! by Smowkie

Derek looked at the time and sighed. One more hour until he could go pick up Alex and go home. It was Friday, and Fridays were their nights, so they were going to eat Chinese food and watch Beauty and the Beast for the thousand time and probably play a game together, and he couldn’t wait. Someone knocked on his open door and he startled a little as he was pulled out of his head. Stiles smiled at him from the doorway. ”Hey, professor Hale,” he said. ”Mr Stilinski,” Derek said and tried to keep his smile professionally polite. Every time he talked to Stiles he had to remind himself that he was his student, that while he was 18, and legal in that aspect, he was still ten years younger than Derek, Sheriff Stilinski’s son, and again, his student.

Knotty Professor by CharWright5

It wasn't the first time Stiles had totally lost focus while working on an essay, writing a topic that most definitely wasn't the assigned one. It was, however, the first time a teacher—or professor, in this case—decided that his paper was so inaccurate he would have to give the student a first hand lesson in order to right his wrongs. Which, this time, meant teaching Stiles exactly what it was like to be knotted.

Take Your Breath Away by thecheekydragon

Stiles didn’t need Scott to tell him who their new English Lit teacher was. He knew it was Derek Hale. He also knew Derek Hale was hot.

The Land of Milk and Honey by MereLoup

Derek had followed Peter to many a business dinner. When Peter was trying to woo a client, he pulled out all of the stops. He would spend however much money was necessary to ensure that the client was impressed and felt like the most important person in the world. Peter Hale had a gift when it came to client relations. Derek had been to just about every five star restaurant in Manhattan, so much so that the shine of expensive business lunches and dinners at exclusive restaurants had begun to wear off just a bit. All of the safety precautions were a little strange, and they were definitely atypical from the normal places they had attended. Derek wasn’t exactly sure why, but he didn’t really care. Every place had their niche. But once they passed through those doors, everything made complete sense. This wasn’t a restaurant at all. It was a bar. An omega milk bar.

Mixing Business with Pleasure by halcyon1993

To get away from the stress of his job in NYC, Derek rents a house in the Beacon Hills preserve and quickly picks up a not-so-secret admirer in Stiles Stilinski.

Only Me

He held Stiles’ face like it was the most precious thing and licked Stiles’ neck like he owned it. A kiss was the first thing to greet Stiles in the mornings they spent together, and at nights, it was the last thing he felt on his face. Each time was more desperate than the last. Derek told him he was made to be kissed. It was a reward, a pleasure, a relief. And then, after all of this, he would disappear. For two days, three, or for a week. Stiles would choke from the thought that this time he definitely ruined it (how? god, how?), and then, in a click of a light, Derek would come back as if he were always there. Calling from a hidden number, cupping his chin, tugging Stiles closer with his hand splayed on his back, so big and insistent. Kissing, loving, refusing to let go. But only in a closed room, in the darkest corner of a restaurant, in a black sports car with its windows thick and tinted. Stiles dreaded saying goodbye.

Desperate

Derek understood perfectly well how young Stiles was. Just how many times did he stop himself from digging his teeth into that lovely neck to claim him? Maybe, next time he shouldn’t. The thought, wild and sudden, came to him, and once it did, there was nothing he could do to get rid of it. If he got Stiles pregnant, then the omega would be his. Fully his. They would be bound for life. Stiles wouldn’t refuse the mating bite, then. Stiles was his omega. Derek would do anything to keep him. Anything.

Older Stiles

Risking It by dbeaux

A chance meeting changes everything. Stiles and his band, Rogue, are currently on hiatus, and he's in the process of turning things on their end. He's not looking for love. He can't. The band and his daughter have to come first. Add in that he's not out to anyone other than his best friend and his dad, he's resigned to the fact that love is just not in his future. He's not even sure how to be in a relationship, much less where to begin. Derek is Rogue's self-proclaimed biggest fan. He's had posters of Stiles Stilinski on his walls for years and went to loads of concerts, but he never got a chance to meet him before the band went on hiatus. Little did he know that he wouldn't even recognize him if given a chance. Will Stiles be able to figure out how to let someone in? Can Derek trust that he's enough for someone like Stiles?

Multidisciplinary Studies by DevilDoll

Stiles is a slightly-older-and-very-sexy librarian and Derek has a thirst for knowledge.

Becoming Yours by dbeaux

As a dom and owner of Stockholm Syndrome, Stiles takes pride in providing a safe place for people to scene. After a bad breakup, he's not looking for a sub, isn't sure he wants a full time sub again. College student and curious sub Derek needs a full time dom but hasn't found anyone willing to take him on so he spends as much time at Stockholm Syndrome as he can, pairing up with various doms willing to take him on for an evening. When their worlds collide, can they find what they need in each other?

Knot So Typical by KnottheWolf

Sure, Derek has a boyfriend. But he keeps it a secret, not because he's embarrassed he's dating an older Alpha man, but because he knows the moment his sisters find out it'll be hell.

Duly (K)noted by KnottheWolf

"Interesting little show you’ve got their, Derek.” The Alpha comments, his voice is so cold with an edge of harshness it has Derek’s stomach rolling with anxiety. “H-How much did you see?” Derek twist his head a little so he’s not staring up at Stiles face. He wants to hide somewhere dark and cry, Stiles saw him. He saw him showing off to a bunch of strangers like a whore. God, what if he tells his mother, what would she think of him? “Enough.” Stiles clips, pushing off from the wall to stand in front of Derek, “Enough, that I could see you fingering yourself open before fucking yourself on some silicon cock just to show off to a bunch of nobodies.” It’s like a slap to his face and Derek’s head is dipping low in regret.

Coach Stiles by DirtyKnots

Stiles shouldn't be doing this, any of this. Shouldn't feel like this about a student. But he does.

[masterlist link]

[mysticalserenity-tarot]

✨Their feelings for you✨ (Pick a pile)

{How to pick a pile? First, take a deep breath with your eyes closed to clear your mind. When you open your eyes, don't hesitate – pick the image that immediately grabs your attention or stirs up a memory. If none of the images stand out for you, it means there's no message for you at this time. You can always come back to it later.}

｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆ - ☆｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆｡･::･ﾟ

Pile 1, Pile 2, Pile 3 (from left to right)

In this collective pick a pile reading, we're going to explore the feelings and emotions of your specific person in relation to you. Let's see where your energy takes us.

Disclaimer: This is a collective reading I picked up on multiple energies, so please only take what resonates and leave the rest. When something resonates you usually feel a light energy and in your heart you can feel it's your message, and the pic that attracts you is a clearly sign.

｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆ - ☆｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆｡･::･ﾟ

✨PILE 1✨

Hanged Man reversed, Page of Pentacles, King of Cups (top: The Sun) 

Hi Pile 1, and welcome to your reading. Let's dive in!

I'm sensing that your person really likes you, pile 1, although they're currently experiencing a period of stagnation and fear of change. They want to confess their feelings for you, but they're not willing to get out of their comfort zone. They are reaching out their hand for something, but they feel the void, suggesting they're not grounded right now. However, they will eventually regain their grounded energy and balance matters of the mind with matters of the heart, their mind with their heart. Gaining back that lost confidence, this beautiful energy is confirmed by The Sun at the top of the deck. I'd like to add that the King of Cups in your reading further reinforce the positive energy indicated by the Sun on top and suggest that your person's feelings towards you involves a strong desire to care for and support you.

Their current period of stagnation serves as a lesson for them to reflect on what they truly want from life. I see you included in their future plans. Be patient, let them focus on themselves before coming to you, avoid forcing anything or obsessing over it. Instead, focus on yourself, continue loving and taking care of yourself in the meantime.

Thank you for allowing me to read your energy, Pile 1.

Note: -If you enjoyed this collective reading and would like to support me, you can do so on my ko-fi https://ko-fi.com/mysticalserenity every donation is much appreciated, but not mandatory. -For further guidance or a personalized reading, feel free to book a reading through my Tumblr DM or email [dvinecrystl@gmail.com]. I'm here to help you navigate life's challenges and find clarity. We can decide the price together.

✨PILE 2✨

Knight of Cups, 5 of Swords, 8 of Pentacles (top: Death-Rebirth)

Hi Pile 2, and welcome to your reading. Let's dive in! What I'm picking up are very confused and conflicted feelings from your person regarding their feelings towards you. The passion and love are there, as I have the Knight of Cups holding a bouquet of roses and looking directly at me. However, they seem to be in a state of indecision and internal struggle, as indicated by the cards. I sense a blockage in their throat chakra, which is making it difficult for them to effectively express their feelings. I initially wanted to conduct the reading yesterday but the cards kept falling and I felt something in my throat. I had to leave and come back today, but I still feel a conflicted energy. For some of you, their focus seems to be on their work right now, but their thoughts of you keep distracting them, making it hard for them to concentrate. However, I feel they will eventually prioritize their work and when they feel more stable, love. For others, your person is going through a transformation, specifically an 'ego death' I just heard and they are in a period of growth and self-discovery. This transformation will lead to them coming back as a completely different person, in a good way, as they will become more open to love and your love. This doesn't negate their feelings for you, my whole pile 2, but they have other stuff to prioritize. Be patient 🫂

Thank you for allowing me to read your energy, Pile 2.

Note: -If you enjoyed this collective reading and would like to support me, you can do so on my ko-fi https://ko-fi.com/mysticalserenity every donation is much appreciated, but not mandatory. -For further guidance or a personalized reading, feel free to book a reading through my Tumblr DM or email [dvinecrystl@gmail.com]. I'm here to help you navigate life's challenges and find clarity. We can decide the price together.

✨PILE 3✨

7 of Wands, Temperance, 2 of Cups

Hi Pile 3, and welcome to your reading. Let's dive in! Among all the piles, the energy here feels more peaceful and calm. I sensed this even before shuffling the cards, indicating that this person prioritizes their own happiness and inner peace, completely ignoring other people's opinions. This pile seems to have a strong spiritual connection. I feel that many of you involved are spiritual beings, whether you're spiritually awakened or just interested in spirituality. It could be you, your person, or both. I sense that many of you are tarot and birth chart readers. No wonder you're attracted to your spiritually similar person! For those who aren't spiritual, your person is very good at balancing their emotions and doesn't let negative opinions bother them. They know their worth. I'm feeling that many of you will come into union with your person soon. However, keep in mind that 'soon' can mean anything, and divine timing is at play, so be patient and prioritize your well-being in the meantime. Your relationship has the potential to flourish, with two beautiful souls merging into one. I love what I'm seeing for you, Pile 3!

Last but not least: it's lovely how colorful your cards are. I feel like many of you in this pile are part of the LGBTQ+ community. Happy belated Pride, my beautiful people! 🌈🌈

Thank you for allowing me to read your energy, Pile 3.

Note: -If you enjoyed this collective reading and would like to support me, you can do so on my ko-fi https://ko-fi.com/mysticalserenity every donation is much appreciated, but not mandatory. -For further guidance or a personalized reading, feel free to book a reading through my Tumblr DM or email [dvinecrystl@gmail.com]. I'm here to help you navigate life's challenges and find clarity. We can decide the price together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ANY LIKE/REBLOG/COMMENT IS APPRECIATED, ALSO IF YOU LET ME KNOW IF IT RESONATED.

PLEASE DO NOT REPOST MY WORK.

ALWAYS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EACH ONE OF YOU'S SUPPORT, I'M GRATEFUL 🤗🤍

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please note that I used AI language bot to help improve grammar and spelling in my readings, as English is not my first language. However, the interpretations and insights provided in my readings are all my work, based on my intuition and the cards' symbolism.

Disclaimer: Tarot readings are for entertainment purposes only and are not meant to predict or dictate your future. The cards provide insights and guidance, but the ultimate power of choice lies with you.

[seiishindraws]

Hii, I saw your latest post and your art style is so pretty?? What?? I have a question though. How do you do the paint one? Or rendering in general. Like genuinely, I have a problem with rendering and I can't seem to quite understand it on my own. Do you just start with flat colors? Do you do lineart or colors right after the sketch? Is the "lineart" just added later? Painted over? Erased to give thinner and thicker lines?? I'm really curious!!

hi! im not the best painter tbh! though i do have a background in painting but ill try my best to explain

diff artists have different approaches to how they paint but generally yes, you would start out with big shapes first and then go into the details - work big picture first. like, if you squint and the drawing makes sense in terms of value and colour and shape, youre on the right path.

i can kinda show this with a warmup in-class speedpaint exercise we did a couple weeks ago where we were tasked with painting an eye in about 30 minutes (i was late and only had 20 lol)

luckily ive got the layers for this. i start of with a base layer, kind of like a underpaint layer since that's how i personally learned to paint traditionally. i did have a sketch before laying down this base layer under it but i ended up using it for final rendering details lol

after that i started laying down the big blocks of colour. i wasn't necessarily aiming for complete colour accuracy here, i just wanted to match the value. i chose a pink underlayer to influence my colour choices because the underlayer will peak through the blocks of colour i paint over it

and then (forgive me if this seems like "draw the rest of the owl" in terms of progression) but this is where i started going in with finer detail. i did the rest of the render on the sketch layer i had so you can see some of the lines from the sketch here

here's the layers completely seperate from each other

even for the flat colour version of my character, i had an underpaint layer! i used yellow and orange since i wanted her colours to be warm and used a semi-opaque brush to put her colours in rather than using a completely opaque brush

when i wanted to do the painted version, i put the lineart on multiply and reduced the opacity and brushed in some some quick shadows on seperate layer on hard light mode to give me a good base to start painting with

and then i did all the rendering and details on a new layer ontop of everything. i keep the lineart light so i can paint over it easily and also colour pick from it when i want a more distinct line to seperate certain shapes. i unfortunately dont know how to explain this part because a lot of this is intuitive to me and i'm still learning. but you gotta make use of different types of "edges" in painting, and you would generally have more contrast in the focal point of your painting than in other places to draw the eye to that point. i suggest researching the use of edges in painting if you really wanna learn more - because im a terrible teacher haha

for fun here's what the rendering layer for this one looks like on its own and the finished thing for comparison

there's other things you need to learn too, like bounce light, atmospheric perspective, ambient occlusion... and colour theory is always important! i could go on for a long time. there's a lot of pieces to the puzzle and it may seem overwhelming but there's tons of resources online and it will all become second nature to you as you keep practicing

uhh hope that helps!

[foldingfittedsheets]

To ace anon: ace person w a vulva here as well but rather low libido tho. What i can share from my own experience is that getting off seems to be like a video game where you have to hit a certain amount of combos in a certain order to get to the o. Im not v creative and got some ideas from my ex, so i wanted to share some in terms of senses and kind of stim (what ffs talked about already) that worked for me or ppl i talked w

- Kind of weird but the comparison of the arousal building feeling similiar to how it feels like when you needa pee helped me. Like i get a better head start when i try masturbate when it feels a bit like i actually needa pee, like i drink a bit more water for that lol (sometimes unfortunately i dont even get to the o before i reaaally actually need to pee because it takes hooours and then i just give up cuz the build up is completely gone after peeing and also cuz its been hours)

- Stimulation of the clit w a layer of fabric inbetween (esp in the beginning) helped a lot, also lube in the beginning if your body isnt providing (yet), (unless dry friction does sth for you?)

- And sometimes stimming the clit w a showerhead or diff sex toys can do sth

- Definitely also more of the audio type and reading smut rather than actual visuals, for some reason when it comes to visuals yaoi does sth, more than het or yuri (im not even into men, maybe its about removing myself and only focussing on arousal or sth? Idk)

- what helps sometimes is rubbing the inside "rough"/bumpy patch of my vagina which is supposedly the most connected to arousal, im too lazy to google rn but iirc its the so called g spot?

- My problem is also how to keep the level of arousal/combo before getting distracted by thoughts of random things and it takes me out of the "immersion" like also when i start to be too aware of what im doing, the concept and or thinking about technicalities and how odd it all seems to me (yea im an overthinker w adhd)

- it seems odd at first but ace people can have kinks too! Maybe theres a [preferred depiction] of a [preferred kink] for you out there

Already been said as well: you just have to try different combos (like several locations of stimulation simultaneously) and sequences of stim, a long way to the o 🥲 tried out different sequences and combos of these factors and it doesnt even work all the time but at least i found some base lego bricks to build that orgasm lol its unfortunately not always the same order though and still such a struggle trying to find the right order/combo and what im "in the mood for" AND keeping myself in the lane, tho w time i did get to know my body a biiit better, rough estimations)

I wish you good luck in your self discovery, anon! Ik how hard it can be and i def do not envy you w your libido, lots more frustration i imagine

Sorry it got so long, was v sympathising w your struggles, again good luck and happy self discovery!

^

[odoraful]

𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐍𝐈𝐔𝐌 𝐩.𝟏

zayne's last dream has left him shaken and he hopes to meet you again to reconcile his fears

content: dawnbreaker!zayne x reader; a direct continuation from zayne’s anecdote 'still in the dark'; ~1k words a/n: spoilers for ‘still in dark’ so if you haven’t read it yet be warned! read part 2 here reading bgm ♫ Prologue V - The Weight of History's Presence

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Though it had been days since that last dream, the shocked expression on your face has since haunted Zayne. 

You aren’t Dr. Zayne. Who are you?

He’d been afraid to fall back asleep again since. Those dreams he once coveted so much, desperately hoping for your warm embrace, now became a source of fear for him. In every fleeting moment you shared, he thought he’d done everything right. He played the role of that smart and reliable partner just for you. 

It had all been perfect until that last dream. 

The days from then on stretched endlessly like taffy. Zayne filled in his time doing anything he could to silence his fears. He thought often about activities Georgie would have enjoyed and made himself plans with the young boy in mind. Trying new sweets at the dessert shop, reading beside the jasmine flower field in the plaza, watching the sun set from his apartment window. Detective Ivan seemed to have kept his promise, and the public whispers of Dawnbreaker fizzled away, leaving Zayne free to carry out his duties in complete anonymity. He’d sometimes finish his day off with a visit to Georgie and his mother’s graves. During the night, he’d stay awake for as long as his body could handle until he was overcome with fatigue, passing out wherever he sat.

He found that no dreams would come if he slept this way. 

The impracticality of this type of living did not faze Zayne until he stared at his own reflection in the mirror one day. He had heavy bags under his eyes and a pallor to his face that made him almost unrecognisable to himself. He gripped the edge of the sink, a sudden nausea making his head spin.

It was foolish to continue like this. He needed to see you again. 

Perhaps he should try and talk to you without the guise of this doctor. If the dream had allowed you to speak out, then surely it would give him the same ability. He would explain himself to you, prove that he was the person you loved. These dreams he had since he was a child had shaped his entire worldview. He moulded himself to be yours. Surely, with your presence in these dreams also, they must mean something to you too. 

Yes, that would be the most sensible course of action. 

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

For the first time in a while, Zayne gave himself a proper night routine. Though, the flavourless nutritional liquid he downed for dinner did little to quell the anxiety in his stomach, and washing his face with cool water could not banish the heat from his cheeks. 

His mind was filled with rehearsals of what he would say to you as he laid in bed. In his periphery, he made out the dim, red glow the numbers of his alarm clock casted across the dark room. Zayne read in a medical fact sheet that it took a person around fifteen to twenty minutes to fall asleep. Turning to look at the clock, the numbers that read 23:18 dazzled his vision. 

He closed his eyes, the afterimage of the red numbers remaining behind his eyelids. His final thoughts were a plea to the stars above to let him visit you again, before he let his subconscious pull him deeper.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Zayne did not know how he arrived here, but he now stood on a gravel path beneath archways of curling shrubbery. The greenery was well manicured with small white flowers. As he inhaled, he was surprised to find the light scent of jasmine in the air. A small piece of familiarity that calmed his senses.

Stepping out from the shade and onto grass, he realised the dream was set in a garden. Benches were scattered around to provide viewing seats for the flowers, which, Zayne noticed, seemed to only be variations of different types of white flowers. Close by, there was a river dotted with clusters of lily pads and white petals that gently drifted along the surface. A bridge over the river led to a green roofed pavilion suspended atop the water. Zayne was so accustomed to his own drab and dark world that it almost hurt his eyes to gaze around this idyllic scene. The sound of indistinct chatter surrounded him, however, there were no signs of other people around no matter where he turned, save for one person he spotted standing on the grass.

Zayne exhaled a shaky breath.

A pale blue dress that stood out against the flowering white buds flitted around your legs, though his own clothes did not rustle against any breeze. Sunlight illuminated your skin, though he could not feel any warmth from its rays. His dreams had strange ways of carefully crafting his desires. You had an expectant expression on your face, glancing about in search of somebody. Zayne’s feet felt like dragging weights as he forced himself to walk, fighting off his fear of closing the distance. 

Your expression turned to delight when you saw him approaching. You waved at him, grinning. Something twisted inside him. How long had it been since he’d seen that smile? 

He put up a hand hesitantly in greeting. 

You began to walk, almost skipping towards him. Zayne almost backed away, startled by your enthusiasm. 

Only metres apart now, you suddenly froze, eyes going wide. Zayne didn’t move a muscle, feeling his own body lock up. The background chatter dissipated, as you opened your mouth to speak. The world turned silent as if in anticipation for the words you were about to say. 

“It’s- it’s you again.” 

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

[thatdeadaquarius]

Soon.

☆

With a puzzled squint, you could see the adeptus was running over what you said in his mind, trying to parse out the meaning. Xiao then threw his head up out of his slight bow, almost glaring at you, “There is no task nor person more important than guarding you, my Lord. I will stand guard, worry not about my state.”

Nodding to you, he abruptly turned on his heel to shift to the side of the entrance to the mansion, his spear tall and ready. You’d have twitched a smile at him if you could, as you're sure he’s gotten a little more comfortable with you than when you first officially met. You’re also sure from meeting Zhongli just once in person that he’d have a small heart attack if he saw some of Xiao’s informal behavior.

But you’re glad he hasn’t, the more relaxed they are, especially considering your form, the better.

You duck inside, though the ceilings are so raised that you don’t have to go that low surprisingly. Huh, it was nice to be anticipated in a building usually sized for human heights. Wow. You’ve really reached the point of casually calling yourself inhuman.

…well, to be real with yourself right now, it might actually help to get more accustomed to that in case you’re never human again.

You also put that possibility back into the vault at the back of your mind.

☆

HEY I live, again,

I had a big life update what with my sib graduating grad school (getting their masters degree) at the same time we both moved like 2 states over from our home state 😅

and unfortunately, i wasnt able to get my monster of a sequel out in time to post it remotely to get it out to you guys while i was afk

(as i havent had wifi/free time consistently in like 2-3 weeks)

which, phew, im finally able to be settled in one place enough to write again, and have enough time in the day to not be dealing wiht my apartment to write ToT

i hope you guys arent too mad at me! (or have forgotten me?? sobs)

also.

i hear Natlan's coming out. 👀

I don't think it'll be out before i post the full (3 chapters total planned) sequel, but just in case, disclaimer-

🪄I am not to be held liable for not writing about Natlan bc it wasnt out yet woooo🪄

anyway, yeah its also taking a bit bc i wanna post the completed thing all in one go, over the course of like 3 days or so, that way u guys can actually look forward to the next little chapter in a reasonable amount of time lmao

well yknow, if anyones still reading this or my blog lol

happy summer you guys! I hope u all are having a good one so far, esp those of you in school, heart going out to yall fr <33

Catch you on the flip side (ao3 side?)✌️

Safe Travels,

💀♒

If you wanna join a taglist, DM me what for! "Pspspsss, please tag me for [All SAGAU posts, Only SAGAU Language AUs, diff fandom, etc.]!"

(If you ever wanna drop, just DM me! "No more taglists/[specifically this AU/fandom] please!")

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk / @the-dumber-scaramouche / @chocogi / @fallen-starr / @areaderofbooks / @devilangel657 / @esthelily / @justinsomniachild / @nanithefuck / @questionotmystopit / @chinuneko / @silvers-tongue

@karmascreeches / @yomilyy / @0rah-s / @idontknowwhatimdoingbutweball / @blackstar-gazer / @voidsgarden / @a-gay-piece-of-paper / @oxyotl / @thefirstonetoeverlikemeback / @kurayamioterasu / @randompersoninyourworld / @byakuren100 / @lemonade7255

[muninnhuginn]

gonna have a go at a tbhx liveblog. tbh, idk if I'll keep this up or if it'll fade away, but let's have a go.

context in terms of my current knowledge of the series going in:

superheroes? something about public perception dictating how they're seen and some kind of 'trust' rating

one character takes on the role of another

yaoi in episode two(?)

crimes against women discourse

3d/2d animation - given how the other to be hero series operate I'm going to guess this is dependent on world but idk fully

I've seen 'to be hero' and 'to be heroine' so that'll also be informing some stuff here. oh! also, I'll be watching in chinese, though not sure in this case whether the japanese release gets edited down as it did for the previous series in this collection

will be using the tag '#mun watches that hero show' so as not to spam the main tag

Episode 1 thoughts below cut

unsubtle visuals my beloved. anyway, starting themes of the show are "everyone can be a hero" vs "the only path is to accept reality and work hard".

oooh okay nice episode title card. again, on the nose, but it's not like it *needs* to be subtle. also "41 years after commission", iseeisee.

"one day you'll be replaced by someone else" - okay, so. given one of the only spoilers I do know for this series, that's. well.

two seconds later. fingerguns out. wasn't expecting it *quite* that quickly, but comedic timing on point

"who you are is of no importance" - same thing as he was saying himself earlier, but context makes it come off pretty differently

"nice has been doing poorly ever since 'that incident'" taking notes taking notes. that'll definitely come back later

ah, belief system is largely how I'd thought it'd be? belief makes reality, essentially. "as long as we package you flawlessly" and they're having an ad guy do this. fitting.

this question is more fitting to be posed to an obsessive fan than a romantic partner ngl. oh nice, glasses blonde agrees with me

oof rip he actually knows the answer right down to the runtime. that's... kinda embarrassing. obsessive fan it is.

oh. right. okay, I forgot he'd been involved in making a load (all?) of these ads. he gets a pass but he's on thin ice

"she's always been my goddess". I'm taking so much damage here.

oooh the comboing 2d with 3d for the liquid and smokey effects. reminds me of arcane.

trust vs fear. another theme, methinks

so, the villains will represent a fear - in this case, being fired? makes sense. it's presented as though it's a general fear, but I expect that each fear will be relevant to lin ling in some way or another and become increasingly close to his personal fears as the show goes on....?

2d replay of 3d scene. backdrop is somewhat different now though. or rather, the lighting emphasises the poster with the shattered face and saturates out nice almost completely

not the falling imagery. I wasn't gonna make any of this about link click and I know link click doesn't have the monopoly on falling off buildings but. creator footprint.

"I hope that someday I'll be able to protect those worth protecting" noting down as more arc relevant words even if I suspect the first time around will Not go well

moon pulling lin ling out of his fear, not through any actions of her own, but through the marketable version of her he remembers

pshh the flickering between selves as he punches. jjk op vibes.

first re-emphasis of "anyone can be a hero"

interesting how he carries through the final attack still in 2d

visual contradiction. neat.

discussing nice choosing to throw himself off a building as they're heading up to the very top of another building. topical.

yeaaah. wasn't sure exactly how it'd happen but the crimes against women discourse had me thinking she'd die. I'm... not sure if it sticks or if she "comes back" then dies again? I was kinda trying to avoid spoilers but also vaguely curious. I guess I'll find out

Some misc thoughts overall:

Visually, this show seems really strong thus far. Imagery, how it combines the different art styles, how it switches between them for emphasis. Really works

Tonally... kinda all over the place. A lot of this is presented comedically with dark undertones so it's hard to know how seriously you're *meant* to be taking things

The ending (opening) sequence is incredibly focused on a guy we've not met yet, but with visual similarities to Nice. I've managed to avoid most of the promo stuff so I don't actually have a clue who this guy is, though the chess pieces make me think potential "chessmaster" archetype?

oh right. The part about the belief system that struck me the most was the way that Lin Ling's eye colour physically changed. Currently, we're getting all the mirror visuals and seeing Lin Ling's thoughts with him as "himself". I'm curious as to how far his "becoming" Nice will go and whether he'll be able to "return". There's also been a lack so far of information whatsoever about his life prior to this. Whether he has (had?) friends or family. He didn't seem to be calling anyone when he was at the top of the tower but that doesn't mean he *doesn't* have anyone.

Lin Ling's profession as an advertising guy in the context of the trust system. He tended to be on the back end of the marketing work rather than the forefront before this, sure, but it seems super relevant to me that his job was all about public perception. Also, the sheer number of advertising posters/video ads in the backdrop at all times was overwhelming but intentional. Weirdly, am being reminded of Go Go Loser Ranger with some of it

[lyrakanefanatic]

OKAY THERE ARE SOME NEW LYRA CHAPTERS ON THE INDIGO APP SO IF YOU HAVENT CHECKED THAT OUT YET THEN SPOILER WARNING BELOW BC IM GONNA GO OVER SMTH:

OKAY, SO THIS IS WHEN LYRA GETS THE INVITATION TO THE GRANDEST GAME, AND I JUST WANTED TO SAY, WHY DOES THIS NOTE SOUND SO PREDATORY?? 😭😭

MY GUESS IS ITS GRAYSON WHO SENT IT, (because of the “dark blue ink”, since dark blues his colour, and the fact that only he really knew about her) SINCE HE PROBABLY GOT ZABROWKSI TO LOOK INTO HER AND FOUND OUT ABOUT HER PARENTS NOT HAVING MUCH MONEY, BUT WHY DOES IT SOUND SO CREEPY??

LIKE I CANT STOP READING IT AS “YOU DESERVE THIS 👹👹👺” AS LIKE IN A CREEPY STALKER WAY, BUT IM SURE ITS JUST GRAYSON TRYING TO SHOOT HIS SHOT OR SOME SHIT IDK

OR WAIT WAIT WAIT, SHE MENTIONS THAT “YOU DESERVE THIS” NOTE BEING THE FIRST LETTER AND THE INVITATION BEING THE SECOND, SO MAYBE ITS FROM A COMPLETELY DIFF PERSON?? LIKE MAYBE ITS FROM SOMEBODY WHO KNOWS ABOUT HER PARENTS HAVING TO SELL THAT ONE HOUSE THAT I ALR FORGET THE NAME OF WHO MAYBE HATES HER FAMILY? (the kanes) IDK, BUT IF THEY’RE ALL SIGNING THEIR NAMES ON A TREE THEN THAT MUST MEAN THEY COME FROM A BIG FAMILY, MEANING ONE OF THEM COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING STUPID (prolly her bio dad 😪)

ALSO ITS CONFIRMED SHES 19 WHICH MEANS GRAYSONS 22, WHICH MEANS IF THEY DATE THERE WILL BE A 3 YEAR AGE GAP BETWEEN THE TWO ☠️☠️☠️

GRAYSON RLLY LIKES THEM YOUNGER DAMN, FIRST AVERY NOW LYRA?? 😪😪

LETS JUST HOPE THAT ITS ACC A 2 YEAR AGE GAP AND SHE JUST HASNT TURNED 20 YET BC GODAMN 😪😪

ANYWAY I ALR LOVE HER BUT I STILL HAVE NO CLUE WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE APART FROM HER BODY (the silhouette) BC JLB ISNT TELLING US ANYTHING!!! 👹🤬🤬

[fictionalrelapse]

hiii lovely!! can u tell me about 28 days? from the wip game!

now that i’m stuck in an airport i can finally answer these from this wip ask game

by the way kfm i love you so much ♥️

28 days (first chapter here) is a riorgail fic that takes place within four weeks, where vi and xaden are strangers who meet on a cruise ship, coming from similar circumstances post-war but with much different coping mechanisms/trauma responses lol.

violet was a journalist on the front lines of the war (hello divine rivals) and xaden was a soldier in the same war.

spoiler alert: liam is dead, so is mira, brennan, and lilith, and asher shot himself 😭

i think of the two of them violet is significantly worse off! the reason she is on the cruise is because she’s planning on unaliving herself. she’s been permanently crippled by the attack that killed the majority of her family and nearly killed her and she’s been wishing she died ever since. she’s also abusing opiates (hello house md). she has rhiannon but they had a falling out (completely fueled by violet pushing her away. are we surprised? no.) which is what pushed her to finally get the fuck out of dodge because she keeps fucking everything up and thinks it’s better off if she just disappeared (oops was that my internal monologue speaking?)

xaden blames himself for liam’s death (why? you shall have to wait and find out) and isn’t necessarily suicidal but he also doesn’t really care to be alive either. he’s very much an alcoholic. and has severe ptsd lol. he still has bodhi (poor bodhs who is just trying to be there for the only family he has left) and imogen (who is a military wife to gare bear in this au) and garrick, though garrick is still deployed.

i really just wanted to explore the juxtaposition of a cruise ship, which is normally a happy, jubilant place, and these two people who are so fucking traumatized it’s not even funny being alone and struggling to deal with their shit until they meet each other— kindred spirits in a sea of misfortune.

i’m also trying to write it really carefully so i’m taking a long time to edit things and write things to where it makes sense, because I don’t want it to seem like i’m just throwing a shit ton of illnesses at them for shock value or just to get them to fuck. xaden has ptsd, is depressed, and is an alcoholic, and violet is disabled, abuses painkillers, self harms, has an eating disorder, and is obv depressed. like it’s a LOT. and i don’t want to write it stupid especially since i have personal experience/stakes in the self harm/eating disorder/depression/alcoholism bits. i’m doing a lot of research on the side to understand ptsd, physical disabilities (which i sort of have experience with but i was born with chronic pain so it’s a liiiittle diff), and aspects of addiction so i can write it with justice.

IVE SPOKEN TOO MUCH i need to write. this ramble has brought me out of my vacay slump though so this was good.

[peachyfnaf]

ik yer on mayb still on hiatus from the vids, but the post-death nexus interview :(

never seen people try so desperately to push a specific narrative, felt like such a big 'fuck you' in personal opinion. like the complete flatness and all the self-pity blame and just how hostile 'solar' was??? not to mention the complete sun blame is so contrasting to the sams arc??? i guess they want us to agree w/ moon that sun has no reason to grieve???

i actually liked when nexus called 'solar' eclipse, b/c he was treating nexus so roughly it must have felt like a slight. why do you get to change your name and leave all your associations behind but i cant? imo

not 2 mention how much they switch up how nexus was plotting. he had one motive and then another and then a different one. and they brought up so many diff theories and then just didn't? answer them? or blew them off? just felt weird. bad.

...I ain't just on hiatus no-moaw, I stopped watching the shows entirely since Nex went kablooy hun JDFHSDF

But yeah, friends told me about today, and I do be out here agreeing. Then again the canonicity of the afterlife episodes is all wishy-woshy anyways so. Shrugs.

I do think the "flatness" of how Nexus was acting in the ep is because. He's literally 100% defeated in it. And also bc Nexus is depressed as shit, and people seem to forget that. In another podcast episode, he talked to Eclipse about how he was trying to "die faster". Aka suicidal. Which yk. Nawt gooaurd.

I like the way you think about him calling Solar Eclipse because of that reasoning. That is good and a gut punch. Ourgh

And also me friends were wondering why Solar and Nexus were so hostile to each other- but it does make sense to me after thinking about it. To Solar, that's not his Moon, his Moon is no longer there, and to Nexus, that's not his Solar, his Solar is alive with the family. They are not each other's best friends, they are strangers wearing their best friends names and/or skin.

AAAND lastly Nexus being so aggro towards Sun and all the unanswered questions- I think this is just more of Nexus being broody, emo, and petty lmao. If he really wanted Sun dead the most, he had MULTIPLE TIMES TO KILL HIM when he was alive. If he really hated everyone and never saw anyone as family, he would not have felt bad for what he did to Earth, and he would have never tried to have gotten Solar back in the first place.

Nexus is (shOcKiNGlY) a lying liar who lies, and he's also all bark and no bite. Because he talks a mean game, but then 90% of his actions fall/fell short. He is like a pancake that was left out for too long and is now all cold and soggy. It smells bad and might look bad too but bro it's just a pancake

Does that analogy make sense? Who knows

[faerghusfucker]

Good day. I have a ton of inquiries regarding your modern au. Questions and statements and such.

Does Claude still have to bear the burden of being a mixed person of two races that hate eachother?

How have you salvaged Cyril's role from the original game?

What's Judith's and Nader's roles in the modern au? Same with Tiana, Claude's nameless dad and Oswald?

Are Leicester, Faerghus and Adrestia translated into individual neighborhoods where our students live at?

What job does Ignatz's parent's force him to take to which he eventually refuses and becomes an expert artist?

What profession does Jeralt have to inspire Leonie to follow in his footsteps?

What would be the modern au equivalent to the school of sorcery and did Lorenz complete his studies there or is he also forced to return?

What is Marianne's source of self hatred since crests aren't a part of the story? Is there a similar issue that's translated into your au or something else entirely?

How is Lysithea integrated in the modern au since there is no aristocracy, empire oppression nor the agarthans experimention to worry about?

What is Balthus's role in the story?

Is Rhea the principal of the school they all go together?

How are the knights of Seiros ( specifically Shamir ) integrated in your au?

What is Shez's and Byleth's role in your au?

Are the Agarthans a rival school to Rhea's or don't they exist ( cause if it's the latter i wouldn't fault you for it cause whoe cares about these poorly written bozos )

omg so many!!!!! and some of which i haven’t even considered!!!!! hell yes hell yes hell yes

- claude does have that to an extent! i’ve made him mixed white and egyptian, and that is solely because i am egyptian and i always found a kinship with him since i grew up in very intolerant places lol. it will also allow me to know that im writing him accurately because everything regarding his non-whiteness will be from my own lived experience lol

- i have written cyril out of my au because i dont care for him very much and i dont wanna put in the work. sorry cyril fans

- judith is the music teacher/band director :3 the deer are all band kids and she affectionately hates them, except for lorenz who she hates for real. claude lives with both of his parents and oswald, and i’ve kept their personalities largely the same.

- yes! adrestia, faerghus, and leicester are the neighborhoods they’re from. i might rename them to not sound so regal but they do live in proximity to each other

- ignatz’s family wants him to be an engineer and he tries so so hard to rationalize it and get himself excited. he crashes and burns super hard in college tho and changes his major. his family comes around eventually :3

- so jeralt is actually the gym teacher at the high school but i think he also used to teach at the middle school and the elementary school, so leonie would’ve been around him a lot even WITHOUT him being friends with her parents. in my au it’s less that she wants to do his job and more that she wants to emulate his character and sees him as like. a model human. bc i imagine him as being a rlly good teacher

- my modern au equivalent of the school of sorcery is gonna be like. the private school for the super gifted students. i imagine they’d go there from elementary-middle school and then go to a diff district for high school (either their sending district or a different private high school). i think lorenz DID finish his education there because. he graduated middle school lol.

- so this is another moment where i need to acknowledge that this au is for me first and is an act of self indulgence more than anything lol. but ive made marianne into a gay muslim in my au and im having her sort of internal struggle be with her faith vs her orientation, and eventually learning that she doesn’t need to forsake one to honor the other. mostly because this is an under-represented narrative (ESPECIALLY FOR NON-CHRISTIAN RELIGIONS) and i want to project my own problems onto my blorbo. also because hijabi marianne would be fun to draw.

- lysithea is a gifted kid!!! i’ve been going back and forth with myself abt whether i want to give her some type of dramatic life-threatening illness as an equivalent to the effects of her crests, but honestly. that doesn’t sound fun to write 😭 i have some mental health triggers surrounding terminal illness and i feel like the only way to sort of replicate lysithea’s plight in a modern setting is to give her fucking. cancer??? and that’s just not something i want to write lol. she’s still super skilled and a child prodigy, i’ve kind of just removed the stakes.

- balthus is a fucking bum lmao. he’s been held back twice because he got caught smoking at school grounds and also failed all his classes. he’s a 19 year old super senior.

- rhea is the principal!! she’s kind of rarely seen around, only at assemblies n shit. people see a lot more of seteth since he’s the guidance counselor. seteth fucking HATES balthus

- the knights of seiros are all teachers lol. catherine is another gym/first aid teacher and coaches the cheer team, shamir is the art teacher and supervises the art club, and alois teaches woodshop and supervises stage crew.

- shez is another student! i’m just treating them like the rest of the students. their whole thing is that they do every activity but like. badly. but they’re just so earnest and try their best at everything. they’re another greasy little punk and they hang around with felix a lot bc i love their friendship in hopes. they also LOVE SUBSTANCES. they’ll consume anything

- byleth is the english teacher and i have the “storyline” set during their first year at this school. they’ve just graduated university and this is their first class. all of the students attach themselves to them immediately and it’s kind of an assassination classroom vibe, rlly cute

- i have removed the agarthans :3 i do not care abt them.

thank you for the ask i love an opportunity for a massive lore dump

[lowkeyren]

YOU SPEAK JAPANESE AND CHINESE?!?! OMG THATS SO COOL CHINESE IS SO HARD WITH SO MANY CHARACTERS EVEN BEING ABLE TO SPEAK A LITTLE BIT IS A TALENT

Personally, I feel like learning not Japanese and Chinese is hard because there’s similar characters (ig that makes it easier) but there’s some distinct difference and it’s so hard to remember which is which

also can you share tips on learning othe rlamguages? If you want to, of course<3

HAHAHSAH YES I DO!!! im chinese so i already know the lang by heart, but as for japanese, i had to stop learning for a while due to tuition fee restrictions. i can’t really afford online textbooks or tutors anym either, so my advice might not be the best. 😭

ADVICE UTC!

but yes i get what you mean by the confusion!! since jp borrowed a lot of cn characters aka kanji, some words look the same but have totally different meanings or pronunciations, as a native cn speaker it tilted me sm at first (tbh, still does LOL)

first you need to know abt kunyomi (jp vers of pronounciation) and onyomi (the original cn pronunciation), you can skim thru this website for a better understanding, and the rest is js memorization thru familiarity.

and sure, maybe, usually, if you're familiar with cn, you can somewhat guess the meaning of kanji.

i.e. 行程 in jp n cn both means distance / journey, but r pronounced differently (jp: こうてい and cn: xíngchéng)

OR

a more common example, 水 (jp: みず / cn: shuǐ) diff pronunciations but both means water.

ON THE OTHER HAND,

手紙 in jp means letter, but in cn it means toilet paper (lmaoo)

i guess its all based on context!! the more u read = the easier it becomes to recognize when to use which reading!

NOW FOR TIPS...

id say find a media you genuinely enjoy and immerse yourself in it.

passion for the language makes the learning process much more enjoyable (and less of a chore). for example, in hsr i switch my game lang to jp 2 help me get used to the tone. another great idea is to try reading jp visual novels as it helps w conversational japanese. basically, the more exposure you get to the language in a fun n engaging way, the more naturally you'll start picking up vocabulary, sentence structures, and pronunciation!

2ndly, practice makes perfect. just 5-10mins/day will do, i strongly recommend this guide n this practice website + ANKI DECKS!!! js rmbr, short, daily practice >> long cram sessions. have a dictionary + textbook, u can find many good ones online, if not, reddit is ur next best choice (r/learnjapanese)

ALSO, before diving into kanji, make sure you’re comfortable with hiragana n katakana first, they're pretty much the foundation of reading n writing in jp!!

-

AS FOR CHINESE: disclaimer, as a native, i have never truly "learnt" chinese from the basics b4; but here r some tips i often give my non-native irls that helps

get to know hanyu pinyin first (aka romanized cn) this helps u to look up words more easily on your device n pronounce them correctly.

in cn, there's this thing called 翘舌音, which refers to retroflex sounds. (e.g. the way u wld pronounce "sha" and "sa" is diff) this big difference in pronunciation changes the meaning of the word.

找 (zhǎo) = look for 早 (zǎo) = early / morning

2. learn the tones. like retroflex sounds, tones can completely change the meaning of the word too.

mā (妈) = mom má (麻) = hemp mǎ (马) = horse mà (骂) = scold

can't tell the difference and don't have a native speaker around u? USE GOOGLE TRANSLATE. simply copy paste the word / phrase u wanna hear n press the listen button n it'll read it out for u (unf if u tl longer sentences, it may sound robotic, well because.. it is a robot.)

3. chinese has many homophones, so you can’t just rely on pinyin, you need to listen + read to understand words in context.

i.e. 给予 where 给 is usually pronounced gěi, but in this context, 给 is pronounced as jǐ

PRO TIP: if u have a cn keyboard, it'll usually tell u the correct pronunciation

no.2 in brackets, it auto detects what i should've typed instead!!

4. likewise in jp n other langs, consuming cn media will greatly help in ur learning progress + PRACTICE!!

5. just like how in english we don’t go around saying things like “whom do you wish to speak with?” in daily conversation; in chinese, people don’t use overly formal textbook phrases either.

textbooks teach polite and grammatically correct chinese, but if you want to sound natural, it’s better to learn how native speakers actually talk —either through dramas, social media, or getting used to it js by changing ur in-game lang to cn.

last but not least, have fun!! if you force urself to memorize endless vocabulary lists or study only through textbooks, you’ll burn out fast. SO TAKE A BREAK IF U HAVE TO, AND ENJOY THE PROCESS ^^

[bleachbleachbleach]

Been thinking about Shinji and Momo and specifically abt them in relations to the system or the ideal of the system that kind of screwed them over. With Shinji being unjustly thrown out and no one rlly fully unpacking how much of an HR concern was Aizen’s weird boundaries with Momo. You once mentioned in one of ur posts abt Shinji that the Vizards for sure do not come back with full trust in the soul society again and have their own agendas. This makes me wonder how Shinji and Momo navigate that system together now that both of them have made the decision to continue to serve under it? Momo, herself does come across as duty bound but has shown instances of acting against it when she feels the need to for the sake of the greater good (like disobeying orders to save hisagi, or admitting that not all laws are good laws even if she’s technically quoting Aizen) Sorry for the rambling! These two just fascinate me cuz I feel like aside from the whole Aizen thing, they’re like two diff flavors of being back on the job after being screwed over. The somewhat jaded mentor and the eager beaver who got the rug thrown under her.

We joke about Gotei HR all the time, but honestly in the context of their own world and worldviews would Aizen and Hinamori come across to anyone as having weird boundaries? I’m not saying it didn’t get weird but I kind of feel like part of the nature of the thing is that it’d be hard for anyone in Soul Society to point to anything Aizen did that was notably weirder than anything else everyone else does. I’m not saying it wouldn’t be an HR violation somewhere (I just completed my state-mandated sexual harassment training three days ago, so it’s all nice and fresh, LOL) but even if the Gotei had HR I doubt it would have helped in Aizen and Hinamori’s case.

I know there are people who get very deep into canonicity debates about whether Aizen and Hinamori ever slept with each other, but I’m not personally all that interested in the genre as a whole—like, the nailing down of what is or isn’t canon. In fanfic, I figure anything goes if you can make it work for you in your story. For my part, I think Aizen would take pride in not having to have sex with Hinamori in order to make his plans work. Like an *everyone* does sexual manipulation but he doesn’t even *have* to and that’s the *beauty* of the game kind of deal.

But to the question itself!

My take on Shinji is that he is, of course, very well aware of the ways the Gotei fucked him and the rest of the Vizard, and has no illusions about that. But he’s not someone who simmers in that in the same way that Hiyori does.

Honestly, maybe a good comparison might be that Shinji treats the Gotei the way he treated Aizen as a vice-captain. According to Aizen, that was a mistake, but Shinji knows the Gotei better than he ever knew Aizen. Arguably, the Gotei is more knowable than Aizen. Shinji has a certain savvy about him with respect to the Gotei as an institution, and if you now how it works, then there are degrees to which it can be managed, and perhaps even made to work for you. And if you want that to happen, the only place you can do that work is inside it, as one of its Captains. Shinji’s known that since even before TBTP, probably since before he was even himself a Captain the first time around.

But I think another key element here is that Shinji is very, very good at separating the work from the institution from the people. He can engage his octopus brain and hold the meaning of what shinigami effect in the world separate from the ethical and bureaucratic conundrums posed by the Gotei, separate from the personalities that make it up (which are the problem and the best part about the Gotei in turns). He reminds me of this guy who’s been in my toxic-ass profession for AGES but still has a ton of energy and capacity for wonder and enthusiasm and being smart in ways that make everyone smarter, and he manages this by being absolutely ruthless about not getting all sopped up by departmental drama or overly precious about ~the profession~ and making very intentional decisions about what matters and what absolutely doesn’t. I think having that as a model was incredibly useful for Hinamori, as someone with a propensity to care deeply for and about everything.

I mentioned in the tags of another post that I envisioned Hinamori as having a healing justice orientation to the world, part of which is about locating “evil” outside of individuals. It is not inherent, but made. While this does not absolve Aizen of his actions or their supporting worldviews, a path to forgiveness is at least partly about recognizing the bigger picture that produced the conditions for the fomenting of these views/plans. (And that’s before the many ways the system failed them in ways that didn’t come directly through Aizen.) Which means that moving past Aizen is also about moving past the Gotei/Soul Society, while also continuing to work for it—in a major, responsible way.

Like, Hinamori is not clocking in to sweep the floors and then leave to her wife and kids. She’s leading the thing. So what’s the journey there? We see her reclaim her role as 5th Division Vice-Captain in the Winter War (as distinct from being Aizen’s Vice-Captain—ymmv on this, like Matsumoto’s does). In that role, Hinamori has not seemed to have much of a problem with challenging authority when she felt it just to do so, even in moments of more even temper (shouting at Byakuya over Renji’s unconscious body lol). Which I feel like lends credence to the idea that Aizen’s betrayal was probably not her introduction to the world being often an unjust and deeply painful place, or even to the Gotei being these things. Like, I think she understood that. Maybe Aizen even talked to her about that, and part of why she liked him so much was the opportunity to have these long, intellectual conversations about philosophy and governance. And what do you do at the end of these conversations? You can be bitter and angry about it; you can be angry and want to burn it down; you can drink the Kool-Aid and become complicit in it; you can naively deny it and either become complicit in it or get destroyed by it; or you can—

Do what Shinji and Hinamori do about it together, which is to resolve to be the energy they wish to see in the world, which in their interpretation also requires some complicity—being officers in Gotei—and, having made that choice, periodically needing to process that. I mean, I think that’s part and parcel of being involved in any kind of institution (I know I think about it allllll the fucking time), but I imagine the experience is further magnified by the particular histories Shinji and Hinamori have with the Gotei.

I imagine sometimes—a rough week at the office, or in the aftermath of a Blood War they wonder if they aren’t being too complicit. Or, conversely, if they aren’t echoing Aizen too much, in their resolution to craft a world of their own devising. But they were different people, both from each other and very much from Aizen; their devices and visions are different, too. And so the fear falls away.

It will come back. It will probably never leave. But sometimes it’s better to be haunted than not, and ghosts can be welcome reminders.

[yinyuedijun]

Okay woah bare with me cuz this might be one of the longest comment / message I've ever sent abt a story EVER so a lot of ramblings & incoherent thought!!

Onto the Sae POV short snippet you posted. I feel so heartbroken over them /gen like he went away for years! He pushed both his siblings away for their own good. He "threw them away" and moved on (in my eyes and probably in theirs too) but let's face it. Out of the 3 of them, Sae is the one stuck (Reader is stuck in a cycle too but in the snippet and both ver it did seem she eventually moved on in her own way although not healed) cuz he went away for what? What did it even accomplish? He's estranged from his siblings and he couldn't even save either of them from the wrong thing.

And it makes me feel for him bcuz he couldn't even save himself. He still have the same feelings for Reader even after all those yrs and he's seeing Rin & Reader's relationship and what he could have had. Don't get me wrong. I love Sae so much and he did the right thing in both ver of DP he's just so dependable and responsible and it makes me feel sad that he's in that situation. The way he also said that he wished he have wounded / acted on those feelings for Reader yrs ago like dude 😭 I don't think he even tried to move on or maybe he did try but couldn't (prob bcuz of guilt and other stuff). I wished they get the help they need.

Gen I feel so bad for them like I had scroll thru my phone for HOURS just to arrange my thoughts. Like DP is really that thought provoking / stimulating (in a good way)

Anyways! ONTO Funayure!! I think I'll divide my thoughts based on the ages / timeline shown in the fic otherwise it would be so I comprehensive

(When Reader was 12 / Sae walking up from a nightmare) Omg so it's the old Sae snippet I mentioned in my 3rd anon message! Gosh I can't believe it's here!! OH GOD OH GOD SO HE DID ACTED ON THOSE FEELINGS BUT WHEN IDK?? Gosh Sae's helplessness and Reader's innocence 😭😭😭 the adults failed them istg tbh I think I already said my piece abt this snippet in last message?? Omg idk what else to say apart from my heart is breaking 💔

Also is there a reason why even though he viewed it as him unable to save Reader (from what's happening), he's the one in the "swept in the tide"? Cuz in my eyes it ties to my sentiment that he couldn't even save himself (so how could he save Reader) and "tide" could be the feelings they're both already feeling and/or the situation or perhaps both?? 😭

You mentioned in your explanation that Sae feels guilty bcuz he thought that he somehow manipulated and abused Reader and I just want to hug my bb Sae and tell him that he didnt! He was just a kid too!

(When Sae was 9) Itoshi bros introduction with Reader!! (1) their mother wow I think she's a strong woman bcuz not a lot of ppl will welcome their husbands/spouses child from another woman into their home. (2) i find it cute that Sae noticed every little detail before and during the introduction and Rin is so cute too! (3) I fucking hate their Dad like sir that is your child/ren?!??! How could you be so unfeeling - giving Sae that responsibility at such a young age??!?! And letting your wife do that introductions of your (affair) kid ?? Like you failed both as a husband and father!! How could he also let Reader experience those things and idk give her some parental love and some help??! He's my confront person I tell you!! (4) little Saes thoughts! He's really a big brother 😭 and how terrible it is that even though the abuse never happened again, Reader still couldn't be completed healed and therefore repeated the cycle :(

(2 months after the intro - first time Sae and Reader slept on the same bed) aww so cute so cute! itoshi bros supremacy! yeah, I do think that Sae is a kind kid he's just blunt and Rin knowing that his older brother is kind on his own way?? Ughh I love them both!!!

Sae being gentle with Reader is so cute cuz you can tell that he's trying to be a diff older brother for her (cuz Rin and Reader is just so different so the approach must be diff). Also, them trying to bond over soccer? So cute!

I find the narrative of the Itoshi bros trying to befriend / involve Reader so cute and sweet but their childhood interactions just makes the present / future (?) more heartbreaking. They were so innocent! They were just kids! 😭😭😭

Rin being over the moon over the winner popsicle stick just cuz it was given by Reader and making it his lucky charm?? ADORBS!

Sae humouring Rin by watching the ghibli movie even when they watched it already / a couple of times?? Gosh he's such an older brother!! Not understanding the working of your younger siblings but still humouring them HQHAHA

The quilt moment is so heartwarming but every time I remember the present it makes me think if they were doomed right from this moment or maybe it was from the start :( at this point I'll just prob put a sad emoji every time cuz their story just breaks my heart :((

It's nice to see the Itoshi bros efforts working. Like Reader's finally comfortable enough to interact with them and even share her past (albeit this one to Sae only)

Not for the first time, I hate the adults in this story! They all failed my precious children! They're all so varying degrees of neglectful and abusive and they don't deserve my babies at all!! Like wdym you're just gonna ignore the needs of the kid you adopted who clearly needs help?? Wdym you just let another kid take care of their needs?? Like who does that? Don't even get me started on Reader's prev family like Reader's mom??? The audacity! (Also the reader being scared of her/their mom just makes me cry :( And wdym the mom k-worded herself?? And itoshi dad didn't even get his kid help after all that? Fuck him!) The stepbrother / stepdad?? They're now on my list of confront ppl! How dare they do that to a kid??? I could just punch them!!

(Also I just had to sneak in here how adorable it is that Sae helped Rin get over his initial fear of ghosts. My bbs! Also Sae humouring Rin again by confiding in him! Ughh they're so cute!!)

ANYWAYS, God how fucked up of that OG older brother?? Reader trusted him!! And then he went and traumatised her for life!!

"He doesn't know when all the right things started bleeding wrong" Sae, I'll hold your hand and say this. Your intentions are/were good. You didn't mean any harm :( Ig there's a truth in what they said abt the road to hell being paved with good intentions :(( (TBH a part of me doesn't believe in that saying but I can see the point) and once again THE FAULT LIES IN THE ADULTS WHO IGNORED THE SITUATION AND DIDNT GET THE KIDS HELP!!

(Haunting - End of the excerpt) gosh it's so wrong that they almost seemed like they're flirting (Reader flirting with Sae whichever) babies that's not normal!!

(Not sae being jealous ?? pls 😭 gosh they need help)

I get where Sae is coming from though. He's humouring her and I think he's so used at letting her get away with these that he doesn't have it in him to deny (in any context) or rebuke her or "throw her away".

To conclude, I get why you got pyshic damage over this cuz I feel like this is gonna haunt me too (as it DP hasn't). You wrote this so nicely that I was hooked like Sae feeling those feelings and knowing that it's wrong?? But at the same time he's a kid?? They all are. Like I wish someone would just get them therapy or smth!! Thank you for sharing this og ver and I hope you have a great week ahead!!

P.S if smths not making any sense with my comment disclaimer that it's bcuz I'm super @_@ rn like my heads been annoying me why I'm constantly having headaches is beyond me but that's life hahah

- Rhian (it's me again hiii!!)

HI RHIAN!!!! omg I'm so glad you enjoyed the snippet & funayuurei!! I really have to thank you for being so encouraging about desire path, I think I would have just let that fic die if you hadn't been so kind about reaching out!!!

thank you SO much for all your commentary, I really loved reading it! I'll reply to some of the major points below with some insights :3c

(tw child abuse, incest, suicide)

IM SO GLAD YOU MADE THAT OBSERVATION ABOUT SAE BEING STUCK!! it is really sad because out of the three of them, he is the one who is "alone" because he tried to do the responsible thing as the eldest brother. it is true also - the reader never really heals, but she does move with rin in desire path and imagines a kind of future for herself. this is not the case in funayuurei though rip

YES I did see your commentary about the snippet, thank you for sending it in! I'll expand on when it happened (e.g. when they slept together) in another ask that someone sent 🫡

I LOVE YOUR QUESTION ABOUT THE TIDE... the answer is two-fold. the sea more or less represents the devastation and cycle of tragedy that reader's mother has brought into her life. sae tries to save her from it metaphorically but ultimately fails, even though the reader views him as a dependable brother figure who makes her feel safe. he's "swept away in it" because he gets caught up in her situation and doesn't know how to deal with the pain, ultimately failing her.

interestingly, in that scene where she almost drowned as a 12y/o - sae's pov makes it look like he jumped in and saved her, and she erroneously thinks that he's the one who saved her. but in reality, it was rin who pulled her out of the water. accordingly, it's rin who is most reliable for her in the end.

full disclosure, I am a young sibling myself so I'm glad you appreciated how I wrote the dynamics AHGLSJSLSJAJ. sae humoring rin's weird habits is defs something I have experienced 💀

ok I LOVED reading your reaction to their parents also. it really does feel so unfair and horrible from the kids' povs, because it absolutely is. if you are interested however, here is some info on their motivations:

the dad objectively sucks and was a neglectful shit father to the reader. this is because, though, he feels incredibly guilty every time he sees her and is convinced he can't be a good father to her. from his pov he was weak enough to have an affair with her mother, and it was the way he hurt her that led to her ending up with a horrible man after him (the reader's stepdad), and ultimately her mom kills herself and he also sees that as his fault. he is uncomfortable with the reader's existence because she is a reminder for all those failings, and he doesn't know how to fix her. so that's why he completely ignores her 😭

on a related note, reader's biological mom was basically severely mentally ill and stuck in her own cycle of toxic/abusive relationships, which the reader was unfortunately born into. she married a horrible man who abused her and her daughter, and in turn she began to take it out on her daughter. she didn't know how to get out of the situation; after her husband was arrested and her stepson was discovered abusing her daughter, she came to her senses enough to try to do right by her. she begged the reader's biological dad to take her in, and he agreed. however, he ultimately couldn't help the reader's mom (he is already married with two sons) - so after dropping off her daughter at the itoshi household, she drowned herself in sagami bay. and now her daughter, after growing up, is similarly stuck in a pattern of abuse 😔

the stepdad never got fleshed out admittedly and is just a plainly bad character without depth HEFLSJSKS. but I think the stepdad was really the root cause of most of the abuse that the reader experienced. he sexually abused his son (the stepbrother), who internalised this behaviour and wanted to act these things out with the reader. in desire path, there is actually a scene where the reader and rin visit choshi (her hometown where she grew up with her first family), and they run into her stepbrother at a convenience store. he's so ashamed of himself that he can't make eye contact with the reader, and even pretends not to know her when she tries to call out to him. it's extremely sad (and vile), and when rin sees this, he finally starts to get an inkling of the kind of things that might have happened to her growing up.

ANYWAY sorry for yapping so much 😭😭😭 thank you SO MUCH again for reading and sending such thoughtful commentary! I appreciate it ♥️♥️♥️