#But trusts her because her personality remainds him of Maria

[ryctone]

If Sonic Movie 3 doesn't end with Shadow getting adopted by a family with a Maria look-a-like who he has a sibling bond instantly with and is the stepping stone to his recovery, then what's the point /J.

[swanqueeneverafter]

Sins of the Past Pt.11

Camelot. Past. Throne Room. (Soldiers force Uther to his knees in front of Morgause.) Morgause: “Well, Uther, how the mighty have fallen. I don’t think you’ll be needing this anymore.” (Morgause removes Uther’s crown.) Uther: “This is unlawful. You cannot do this. You have no right to the throne!” Morgana: (Entering from behind the throne:) “No, she does not. But I do. I am your daughter, after all." (Morgana sits on the throne. Morgause nods to a soldier, and the soldier shoves Geoffrey of Monmouth forward, the queen’s crown in his hands:) Geoffrey: “By the power vested in me, I crown thee Morgana Pendragon, Queen of Camelot.” (Soldiers push Uther into a bow. Morgana and Morgause smirk.) Morgana’s Chamber. (Shaken from her daydream by Guinevere’s voice, Morgana turns to face her.) Morgana: “I’m sorry, Guin, what was that?” Guinevere: “I asked if I may clear away the dishes, My Lady?” (Morgana beams at her.) Morgana: “Of course. I’m sorry, I was thinking about what to wear. I must dress.” (Guinevere watches Morgana suspiciously as she leaves the room.)

Storybrooke. Present. Mr. Gold's Shop. (Hook and Rumplestiltskin stand waiting in the shop when Emma arrives.) Rumplestiltskin: "Ah, finally the Sheriff decides to join us." Emma: "All right, Gold, this better be good." Rumplestiltskin: "Gold? Gold? You forget my dear, those days are behind me. The man you see before you has only one name (Gives a little bow:) Rumplestiltskin." Emma: (Sighs, turns to Hook:) "Do you know what I'm doing here?" Hook: "No, he hasn't even told me why I'm here yet." Rumplestiltskin: "Well, we can't leave the Sheriff's department short-handed now can we? Which brings me to you, Killian, my oldest friend. (Hook and Emma exchange looks while Rumple reaches under the counter for something:) For far too long, you and I were enemies, and I realise what I took from you on that fateful day can never be replaced. Except, maybe, for this." (Emma steps backwards as Rumple produces a mason jar containing a severed left hand.) Hook: "Is that...?" Rumplestiltskin: "Yours? Yes it is." Emma: (Disgusted:) "You mean to tell me you've been keeping Hook's hand in a jar for what, three hundred years?" Rumplestiltskin: "As the Dark One and indeed as Mr. Gold, I enjoyed collecting things with great personal value." Emma: "And by that you mean things that belonged to other people and were valuable to them." Rumplestiltskin: (Continues, tapping the jar:) "But this? This means a lot to both of us." Hook: "Aye, that it does." Rumplestiltskin: "Which is why, after all these years, as one of the few items remaining in my shop, I'd finally like to return it to you." Hook: (Smirks:) "Well, that's... I'm not sure quite what to say." Emma: "Sounded like a confession to me. I could arrest him if you wanted me to?" Rumplestiltskin: "That won't be necessary, Sheriff. For as I am a truly changed man, I no longer practice magic." Emma: "Well after three hundred years, you'd think you wouldn't need to ‘practice’." Rumplestiltskin: (Ignoring Emma's riposte:) "Which means I could not simply return Killian's hand myself." Emma: "Yeah, yeah I get it. You want me to do it. So why didn’t you just call Maleficent?” Rumplestiltskin: “I did, but there was no answer.” Hook: “Glad I’m not the only one’s calls she doesn’t take.” Emma: “Let’s get on with it.” (Closing her eyes, Emma concentrates and magically restores Hook's hand. Hook wiggles his fingers and smiles.) Hook: “Well, how about that? (To Rumple:) Drinks tonight, to celebrate?” Rumplestiltskin: “I’d be delighted.” Hook: “You’re on. (Turns to leave:) Swan, much appreciated.” Emma: “You’re welcome. (Hook exits. To Rumple:) Will that be all?”

Rumplestiltskin: “Actually, not quite yet. If you’ll follow me to the back?” The Back Room. (Entering the back room, Rumple holds the curtain open for Emma.) Rumplestiltskin: “There’s just one last item that remains in my shop, and it belongs to you.” Emma: (Enters, sees her unicorn mobile still hanging from the ceiling:) “You still have that? I thought my mom would’ve bought it from you by now?” Rumplestiltskin: (Shakes his head:) “Snow said it brought back too many painful memories for her. I thought you might like it, for Maria. (Emma smiles at the thought:) Perhaps it can finally fulfill it’s purpose and bring joy to your little one?” (Emma eyes him suspiciously.) Emma: “You could have given that to me at any time, why now?” Rumplestiltskin: (Pointing to the mobile:) "That represents all the innocence that was lost because of the Dark Curse. A curse I gave to Regina and which your wife cast after being manipulated by me. For a chance to see my son again, I tore countless families apart, including yours. In return, despite everything, it was because of you, Emma, that I got to see Baelfire again. It's because of you that I have a grandson to remind me of Bae every day. So, I just thought that, even though we're not technically related, if Maria ever desired to have two grandfathers in her life then..." Emma: (Placing her hand on his:) "Of course you're her grandfather. We're family, right? (Rumple nods:) Thank you, for the mobile." Rumplestiltskin: "You're welcome." The Dragon's Lair. (Henry films Drizella on his phone while she talks about her mother.) Drizella: "I mean I know everything my mother did was about bringing my sister back, but it just made me resent her so much. I was her daughter too. I was right there and yet... (Sighs:) Of course I realise I may have overreacted with the whole dark cloud of hate thing. So sorry, again, to all those watching." Henry: (Stops filming:) "That was great, Drizella." Drizella: "Really?" Henry: "Yeah. Thank you so much for doing this interview. I mean, I know it can't be easy to talk about what happened, but I really think this will help people to understand where you were coming from back then." Drizella: "It just feels so... I hated my mother for the longest time and I never got to resolve that." Henry: (Nods:) "I know it's tough. I still struggle with how I treated my mom after finding out about the original Dark Curse." Drizella: “You know, it's weird. I just... I feel safe with you. I mean, I know I can trust you with my story.” Henry: “Wow. Well, I'm, uh I'm flattered.” Drizella: “It's not just because we're friends. You're a fantastic writer.” Regina: (Entering:) “Yes he is. Hey, Henry, Robin needs your help in the back. The keg-room door is jammed again. Would you mind?” Henry: “Not a problem. Has anyone heard from Maleficent yet?” Regina: (Shakes her head:) “Not yet. (Henry leaves. To Drizella:) I don’t know what you’re up to, but you stay away from Henry.” Drizella: “Oh, what a threat! Very Evil Queen. Before you judge me too harshly, Regina, just think where you’d be if no one ever gave you a second chance. (Stands, picking up her bag:) Tell Henry I'll call him later, so that we can, you know, finish the interview.” (Drizella leaves.)

Wonderland. (Ella and Will continue their journey through Wonderland, spotting wanted posters every quarter mile or so.) Will: “My, that is a handsome chap.” Ella: (Pulling down the poster:) “That is a wanted chap. (Reading:) ‘For theft, fraud, posturing, impostering, gambling, disturbing the peace, and... public nudity’?” Will: “In my defense, I was tied to a tree and stripped of my clothes, so that one wasn't really my fault.” Ella: “These signs are everywhere. The Caterpillar must want you badly. (Reading the last line of the poser:) ‘Wanted with or without head’.” Will: “Right. We should split up. You don't need a thief, much less a wanted thief, getting in the way of you finding your mum.” Ella: “No.” Will: “You don't need me. You got this all sorted on your own.” Ella: “You said you had a way to prove whether my mother was still out there or not. So what is it?” Will: (Sighs:) “Have you ever heard of the Forget-Me-Knot?” Ella: “The what?” Will: “It's an incredibly valuable enchanted piece of rope. (He plucks a long blade of grass and loops it into a circle:) That when tied together at one end like a lasso makes a sort of round picture frame.” Ella: (Unimpressed:) “Wow, that is magic.” Will: “The magic part comes when you look through it. Because when you do, you can see the last thing that happened at any particular place.” Ella: “So if we held it in places where we suspect my mother may have visited, we might just catch a glimpse of her. (Will nods:) Well it’s a long shot. But at least it’s something. Where do we find this terribly useful item?” Will: “Yeah. That's gonna be the hard part.” Ella: “I don't care. I can handle whatever it is. I'm too close to finding her.” Will: “I believe the Caterpillar has the Forget-Me-Knot.” Ella: “That's not a solution. That's another problem.” Will: “It will be okay. (They approach a door which is set inside a large mushroom:) Wait here. I'll pop in and get it.” Ella: “You'll pop in? To the creature who has all of Wonderland hunting you? You think he'll just hand over the knot?” Will: “He likes to make deals, and I have a deal for him.” Ella: “You think he'll take it and not just kill you on sight?” Will: “There's always an element of risk.” Ella: “You're willing to do this for me?” Will: “Don't get all mushy, Ella. I'm doing this for me. This thief's gonna clear his name.” Ella: “How about we go in together?” Will: “Fine.” (They reach the door and, after a moment’s hesitation, Will turns the handle and they enter.) Camelot. Past. Uther’s Chambers. (Morgana checks under the bed for the mandrake root.) Guinevere: “Have you lost something, My Lady?” Morgana: (Stands:) “My earring. I thought I might have dropped it when I was in here yesterday. How is he?” Guinevere: “Much better. We found the source of his sickness. He was being enchanted.” Morgana: “Enchanted?” Guinevere: “You need not worry, My Lady. I’ve been treating the remainder of his ailments. He’ll make a full recovery.” Morgana: “That is a relief.” Guinevere: “Indeed, My Lady.”

Countryside. (Morgause rides out to speak with Cenred.) Cenred: “My dear Morgause.” Morgause: “Cenred.” Cenred: “My army shall be here by nightfall. (Morgause smiles:) I’m glad that pleases you.” Morgause: “I’ll wait and see if you deliver before I say that I am pleased.” Cenred: “And when I do?” Morgause: “Then I will give you a feast that you will never forget.” Neverland. Present. (Carrying Maria between them, Emma and Regina walk across an open field.) Regina: "Oh, I've heard stories of this mountaintop where you can actually stand on top of the clouds." Emma: “Yeah, sounds nice. Perhaps when we’re settled in we should try it.” Regina: “Settled in where is the question. Are you sure this is where Rumple said to go?” Emma: “Yep. Look right there, next to that big rock.” Regina: “I don't see anything.” Emma: “Exactly. Come on.” (Walking together, they head towards the rock only to disappear from sight.) Pan’s Hideout. (Reappearing inside a luxurious pavilion, Regina looks around, at a loss for words.) Regina: “What is this?” Emma: “Somewhere where we can disappear. It's invisible from the outside, but on the inside, it's quite cozy. It was Pan’s secret hideout. Rumple and Belle learned about it while they were off on their world tour with Gideon.” Regina: “Well what a lovely place to rest our weary feet. (Walking deeper into the space:) Is that a bath tub?” Emma: (Smiles:) “Now we can roam the entire island, and we'll have this place we can return to.” Regina: “It's perfect.” Camelot. Past. Woods. (Morgana and Morgause meet once again in the woods.) Morgana: “Where have you been?” Morgause: “What’s wrong, sister?” Morgana: “They have thwarted us. The mandrake root has been discovered and destroyed. Your enchantment’s been broken.” Morgause: “Do not worry. The root has already done its work, and Cenred’s army are less than a day from the city. (At Morgana’s uncertain look:) Perhaps there is one more card left to play. One that will ensure Uther’s complete and utter incapacity.” Morgana: “Tell me, what do you have planned?” Morgause: “Have you ever heard of a creature known as the Jabberwocky?”

Storybrooke. Present. Sheriff's Station. (Lily and Hook are talking at the station while Lily inspects her father's newly restored hand.) Hook: "Can you believe it? After all these years, I'm finally made whole again." Lily: "Hm. I thought that you became whole after finding me and marrying mom?" Hook: "Well of course I did. You know what I meant." Lily: (Smiles:) "I do. I'm really happy for you, Dad, but if I don't finish this checklist for Elsa's birthday party, Anna's liable to do much worse to me than chop off my hand." Hook: "Anything I can help you with?" Lily: "Have you heard from Mom? She was supposed to be dealing with the cake but I called her earlier and there was no response." Hook: "Yeah, there's a lot of that going around. I'll try her cell again but if not, what can I do?" Lily: "Well, Mom was due to pick up the cake from the bakery today so if you can't get hold of her, do you think you can do it?" Hook: "No problem." Lily: "Great. I better make a move over to Arendelle to help set up for the party. Are you sure you can handle this place by yourself?" Hook: "I guarantee it. Besides, the Crocodile's dropping by later, he can always lend me a hand. Pun intended." Lily: "Hm. Well just remember, there's no drinking on the job." Hook: (Crosses his heart:) "I'll do you proud, I promise." (Lily gathers the last of her things then leaves the station. Taking a seat at a desk, Hook pulls out his phone and tries calling Maleficent again.) The Southern Moor. (Surrounded by Macintosh’s men Mulan sits, bound in chains, while Lord Macintosh speaks to her.) Lord Macintosh: “You intrigue me, Mulan. Your story is legendary. You should be riding at the head of a vast, unstoppable army and yet you choose to travel the realms with your girlfriend rescuing villagers from warlords and thieves. Why don’t you join us? You could be a powerful ally.” Mulan: “Because I believe in a fair and just land.” Lord Macintosh: “And you think Merida represents that? She has already betrayed us by allying with our enemies.” Mulan: “So you betrayed your Queen because she brought you peace?” Lord Macintosh: “With Merida gone, our people can once again be proud of who we are without bowing down to our oppressors.” Merida: (Arriving:) “Not if I have any say in it.” Lord Macintosh: “Merida?” Merida: “Let my friend go, unless you want to end up black as well as blue.” Lord Macintosh: “You and what army?” Merida: “This one. (Lancelot and his army arrive on horseback. To Macintosh’s men:) In a moment, you're gonna be very, very sorry... unless you’ve decided that you’d rather keep me as your Queen?” Lord Macintosh: “You see men? She’s brought our enemies directly into our lands. (To Merida:) Relinquish your crown!” Merida: “After everything my father did to create peace between the clans? Never! Clan Dun Broch is the rightful leader of the four clans, and I am the sole and rightful Queen! (Draws her sword:) You’ve seen what I can do with an arrow. Do you really want to see what I can do with a sword? Now let Mulan go! (As Macintosh’s men look to him for leadership, the sight of Lancelot and his army standing behind Merida makes Lord Macintosh’s decision quite clear. Macintosh throws down his sword and his men throw down their weapons and surrender. To Lord Macintosh:) You're lucky someone once taught me the value of mercy.”

(At these words, Macintosh’s eyes widen in fear. Believing that she must make for an imposing figure, Merida allows herself a self-satisfied smile. Upon hearing a low, menacing growl from behind her however, Merida soon realises the true cause of Lord Macintosh’s terrified stare.) Lord Macintosh: (With the wolf stalking towards him:) “Call your beast off, I’ve already surrendered to you!” Merida: (Shrugging:) “I’m afraid she doesn’t answer to me, Macintosh.” (Frozen by fear, Lord Macintosh prepares for the worst when the wolf bears its teeth.) Mulan: (Freed from her chains:) “Ruby, no! I’m okay. They didn’t hurt me, I’m fine. (Approaching the wolf slowly, in a soft, calming voice:) I’m alright, I promise.” (Motioning to Merida, Mulan catches the red hood and drapes it over the wolf. After a few seconds, Ruby emerges from under the cloak and wraps her arms tightly around Mulan.) Storybrooke. Swan-Mills House. (Henry is packing a few items to join his family in Neverland when the doorbell rings.) Henry: (Answering the door:) "Hey." Drizella: "Hey. I came as soon as I got your message." Henry: "Yeah, thanks for coming. (Steps aside to allow Drizella entry:) I just thought, seeing as I'm going away on this quick trip that we'd finish the interview before I left?" Drizella: "Sure. Although will Mama bear approve of me being here?" Henry: (Smiles:) "She's just being protective. To her I'm still her little boy I guess." Drizella: "Well, from what I see... (Taking a seat on a chair in the living room:) You're all grown up." Henry: "Thanks. (Taking a seat opposite:) So, where were we?" Drizella: "Let's see. My mother's dead, my sister's off feeling sorry for herself and I'm completely alone so, yeah I'm doing just great." Henry: "Still no ideas on what you want to do with your life?" Drizella: "Revenge was the whole reason I even came to this town in the first place. I spent my whole life hating my mother and trying to prove I wasn't worthless and now... (Shrugs:) I don't know." Henry: "Have you ever considered piracy?" Drizella: "What?" Henry: "Sorry, bad joke. Although I do know a few pirates if you decide to branch out." Drizella: (Chuckles:) "I just feel kind of lost. I feel like you're the only person I can talk to about this. You understand me." Henry: (Nods:) "I'm trying to." Drizella: (Putting her hand on his:) “We’ve both lost people that we care about. My mother, (Placing her hand on his chest:) your father. We're both wounded birds. Right? I mean, maybe... (Sliding off her chair to kneel beside him:) maybe we can fix each other.” (Suddenly, Drizella pulls Henry in for a kiss.) Neverland. Hideout. (After a long lazy afternoon travelling the island, Regina and Emma arrive back to the hideout and share a romantic dinner. Having washed the dishes while Regina gives Maria a bath, Emma kisses her wife and promises something special for the evening. With the baby finally asleep, Regina stands and stretches before walking back towards the large four poster bed. Noticing the curtains are drawn, Regina mentally prepares herself for what she's about to discover. Drawing back the curtains, Regina lets out a sigh of relief. Staring down at Emma who is laying on the bed, half dressed and wholly asleep, Regina can't help but smile. Making quick work of her own clothing, Regina gently eases Emma out of her leather jacket and bra before pulling the covers up.) Emma: (Waking up briefly:) "Hey." Regina: (Smiles:) "Hey." Emma: (Brow furrows:) "Did I...?" Regina: "Shh. Go back to sleep. You'll need the energy for tomorrow." Emma: (Sleepily:) "Mm 'kay. (Kisses Regina's nose:) G'night." (Chuckling at her wife's sleepiness, she rolls Emma onto her side, holding her her close as she too falls into a deep, contented sleep.)

[marquiswrites]

Silk and Steel Ch 26

AO3 Link

Master List

Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)

Characters: James “Bucky” Barnes, Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, Peter Parker, Natasha Romanov, Sam Wilson, OFC/MC

Relationship: James “Bucky” Barnes/Reader

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 916

Warnings:  some language, some depictions of violence

Author’s Notes: Notes at end of chapter

Summary:  The team has finally managed to collect you, now all that's left is to get out, and get you to safety.So who, exactly, was in charge of the exit strategy?

Chapter 26: The Garage

Bucky hated himself for giving the order, watching Natasha render you unconscious with a spider bite once they had gotten you to where Steve was, the man surrounded by Hydra agents that had attempted to take him out.Natasha right there beside him, the pair just about back to back when the group finally reached their location. 

“Alright, Nat?” Steve called over his shoulder, keeping his attention outward as she tended to you, your fight against the webbing that held you in place continuing until you seized with the touch of her weapon. Giving a lasting look of betrayal to Bucky, one that made his heart stop for a full second before he was resting a hand on Peter’s shoulder. Squeezing in a way that Bucky could only hope was reassuring. “Don’t worry boys, our ride is on it’s way.” The woman smirked, gaze flickering over each of the team, even as she ran a surprisingly gentle hand over your hair. As though trying to soothe the crease in your brow. 

“Do I even want to know what that means?” Tony huffed, making Bucky bristle. He had history with Natasha, even if he couldn’t remember it, he knew he could trust her. Knew that she always had a way out, even on a mission with no extraction plan in place. 

“What about the other one, thought this entire thing was about grabbing her brother, yeah?” Sam flicked his visor across the room. “I’ve got visual on two separate teams, and only one of them is headed for us. Another visual on the garage, we need to be making time if we want to get out of this in any kind of shape that isn’t bad.” “Our priority is getting Druid out. After that, we regroup and track the others.” Steve gave a nod, then pointed his fingers down the hallway he had cleared, indicating that they should be moving forward. 

Bucky hated himself even worse for the fact that they had the kid carrying you, leaving himself with an assault rifle that he had filched from one of the downed bodies. Steve leading the way, shield poised as another layer of protection between you and any incoming. Tony keeping beside you and the kid, with the Falcon and Natasha taking the sweep position. They weren’t taking any risks. 

Not again. 

Not with you. Never with you.

The alarms were still blaring, irritating him all the more, setting him on edge. The flashing red lights causing him to see shadows where there weren’t any. Hell but he felt like a green recruit, thrown fresh faced onto the battlefields of France. 

He wasn’t that man. He hadn’t been for a long time. Not since Hydra. Not since the fall.

But right now he didn’t exactly feel like he could manage the cold exterior of the Soldat. There was too much at stake. 

Only responding with a sharp nod as Steve gave him the signal to sweep further ahead. “Redwing picks up that our incoming are falling at a pretty damn quick rate. Any ideas as to why that might be, Cap?” He could hear Natasha chuckle softly. “That would be our ride.” Her tone filled with wry amusement. Causing Bucky to look over his shoulder before he was jamming his thumb against the access panel. The steel door to the underground garage hissing open. 

“Well, don’t just stand there looking like a damn fool, let’s get a move on while I’m still young.” 

And there was Nick Fury, his black SUV already open and waiting, a second pulled up behind it with Maria Hill popping off a pistol at the remainder of the Hydra agents. 

“Not exactly the time to stand staring, Sargent.” Came her huff. Rolling her eyes. “Couldn’t even give them a warning Natasha?” “You know me, always so forthcoming.” Natasha swept in behind the rest of the group. Patting Bucky’s shoulder as she went. His gaze shifted to her before looking to Peter, waiting for him to nod almost too eagerly, too nervously before his attention shifted back to the situation at hand.

“Tony, long time no see.” 

“Fury, I had hoped to keep it that way for a little longer. You’ll forgive me if I sit with Miss Hill, yeah?” “Bucky, Nat, Spiderman, go with Druid. Tony, the other car with Fury and Miss Hill. Falcon-”

“I already know, Cap. I’ll be keeping a bird eye view.” Sam smirked. Jogging for the open access tunnel before flicking out his wings. Flying forward ahead of the other groups, while Steve grabbed a motorcycle, hotwiring it quickly before revving the engine. 

“Alright team, priority is completing the extraction. We’re cutting our losses here, but this is a temporary situation. We can place the call to Shuri as soon as we reach the base. After that, we regroup, find a way to extract her brother.” 

Bucky gave a nod, heading for the vehicle when he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. 

Turning and freezing at the sight of another all too familiar face. 

It didn’t matter if he had gotten older. The look he had given him was the same. The glare just as full of hatred, of anger. Of desperation.

With a sharp nod, Kostya slammed his fist through the access panel, sparks flying out around him as the steel door shutt between the two men. Cutting off all further access to this particular route out. 

Placing himself between Hydra and his sister. 

Author’s Notes: Oh my goodness has it been freaking crazy since the start of the new year.To everyone following this story, I want to thank you so much for your patience and for keeping with me. I know that it's taken me forever to get back to everything, and I keep saying that real life has been getting in the way, so I feel like I owe everyone some sort of explanation.

Unfortunately, at work, they started to put more limitations on access to websites. And work is where I got most of my writing done, as I am usually too pooped out by the end of the day. Add onto that, that our CSR's ended up absorbing the work of two other departments, we've basically been entirely swamped, leaving me no time, even if I had had the energy.

Then, as of February, I ended up moving, which is a big yay! But it came with a lot of little adjustments that I am finally now setting into, including getting a working and writing space all to myself for the first time in years.

With the Quarantine, I am now working from home, and my workload is exponentially lighter, however I am now homeschooling my smol person, and we have finally settled into a good routine with all this craziness.

Again, I just want to thank everyone so much, if you've managed to stick around. I can promise that I will absolutely see this story through to the end, because it will not let it's hooks out of me. And for those of you who follow my other stories, if you do, they are going to keep being worked on as well.

[davidmann95]

Velvet's battle is a great choice, though I'll always have a special place in my heart for the fight against the Grimm Deathstalker and the Nevermore in Episode 8. That said, what do you think of the individual members of Team RWBY?

I decided to wait on this until I caught up on the series thus far, which I just finished doing the night before last in pretty much the only time in my life I’ve ever really properly binged anything other than comics, and…wow. I knew RWBY was a thing just as a matter of course from being on this site and Youtube, and from watching Death Battle, so I picked up some major beats by osmosis. But my main impression was that it was a charming pseudo-anime online thing of decent quality that unsurprisingly got heavier as it went along as such things tend to do, with extremely rad fights and music along the way; figured it’d be more than serviceable to watch while I was on the treadmill as a disposable distraction from the agony of propelling my wheezing, sweating, loathsome meat-scaffolding forward.

I did *not* expect it to eventually end up after growing pains a - while far from flawless - intensely engrossing story of all-consuming personal and generational pain and people who choose to love and do the right thing in defiance of that trauma and loss and hopelessness, where also occasionally a corgi gets fastball specialed at mechas. Though once it became clear that’s what it is, it pretty clearly sat at an intersection of a hell of a lot of my favorite things, especially when characters copped in-universe in both the main series and spinoff material that this is basically a superhero thing. My initial impressions re: the fights and music were on-point though.

I actually have quite a few thoughts on pretty much all the protagonists of note at this point (other than I suppose Oscar and Maria. Like them both though, and I do hope that nice boy’s brain somehow doesn’t dissolve into the blender of Ozpin’s subconscious), but I’ll just stick with the core four here as requested for now unless someone asks otherwise. Weiss is the simplest to get at the core of, I’d say: her arc is learning that fuck rich people, actually. She’s a seriously difficult character to get onboard for at first - especially if you’re watching those first episodes for the first time in 2019 - as the mean unconsciously racist rich girl who learns to be less mean and racist but still kinda mean. But after you’ve extensively seen the hideously toxic environment she grew up in, and fully understand her efforts to grow past the empty values it inculcated in her in favor of everything she was raised to think of herself as above, she becomes a hell of a figure to root for. Assuming RWBY is gonna go, say, a respectable 10 seasons given it was just renewed through 9, I could easily see the upcoming 7th be the climax of her arc with her return to Atlas and likely further reckoning with the consequences of her families’ actions beyond how they’ve hurt her personally.

Yang is also, in a certain abstract narrative sense, simple, in that she’s built around the very oldest trick in the book for characters whose main deal is ‘can punch better than absolutely anyone’: give them problems that cannot be solved by punching. Except in her case it’s less a material “well, this person is invulnerable to punching!” or “well, actually this other person can punch most best of all” issue blocking her path than “punching cannot solve depression, abandonment issues, questioning whether what she considers her purpose in life is one she’s truly pursuing for noble reasons or if she even has the resolve for it anymore after what’s happened to her, or PTSD”. Yet, while it may not be the kind that manifests in the form of punching people with a smirk and a bad pun anymore (much as she still definitely does that all the time) what ultimately drives her and defines her is still her strength: to move forward, to forgive, to let go, to do the right thing in spite of the risks. Which could easily come off as some unpleasant “you just have to get over your moping!” dismissal - there’s a bit with her dad that means it saddles riiiiight up to the edge of that - but there’s a weight to how her traumas remain a consistent factor in her life and have shaped her outlook even as her circumstances and day-to-day disposition improve that makes it feel thematically like it’s coming from a place of acknowledgment and endurance rather than denial, even if it’s not handled perfectly. Great to see her apparently recapturing some more of her joie de vivre based on the trailer for Volume 7, and how that’ll interact with how she’s grown should be interesting.

Blake is…tough, because you fundamentally cannot talk about Blake without getting into the Faunus, which is maybe the biggest aspect of RWBY that leaves it in the realm of Problematic Fave. It really, really wants to have something substantial to say about the proper response to racism, and every now and then it pumps out a “capitalism greases the wheels of systemic oppression and vice-versa” or “it’s perfectly reasonable for the oppressed to seek to fight back directly against their oppressors, and even the pacifist in the room can recognize that’s a defensible approach that deserves its place”. But then Abusive Boyfriend Magneto literally murders nuance in Vol. 5 episode 2, and it descends into some borderline “but what about black on black violence” respectability politics shit. It’s the classic X-Men setup - this persecuted race of often superpowered folks torn between pacifism and efforts to prove themselves to their oppressors, and those who think they should rise up and annihilate the flatscans - with most of the same pitfalls, but also we haven’t had over 50 years to get used to that just being how it works here, and it doesn’t have the excuse of having to expand as best it can on a metaphor that was originally devised before most of the people currently handling it were born. All of which would be rough enough, but given I watched this right as Jonathan Hickman’s been completely refining the entire X-Men paradigm outside that outdated binary, it especially grates. I’d love to be directed to any solid counterarguments - I’ve heard it might actually be an analogue, and a well-done one, for The Troubles, which I am one million percent unqualified to evaluate - especially since apparently one of the writers grew up in a mixed-race household, and at the end of the day I’m a white guy who may well be talking completely out his ass. But it sure comes off at a glance as some well-intentioned dudes stumbling through stuff that’s not their business, and that’s inextricable from Blake’s character when so much of her story is her navigating through that metaphor. Hopefully with new writers coming onboard this is something that can be navigated more insightfully in the future.

On a purely personal basis however, Blake’s a standout in terms of relatability when her story comes down to a pretty universal shared horror: how to climb back from having fucked up. She tried really hard to do the right thing, was taken advantage of and led into doing things she eventually realized were wrong, was so shaken that she couldn’t tell who to trust, and then the situation spiraled out of control on every possible front just as things finally seemed to be stabilizing. The way a single mistake - enabled and exacerbated by an abusive past relationship in her case - expands into a self-loathing far beyond the bounds of anything she could possibly be responsible for is brutal and completely understandable, and seeing her start put her self-esteem back together with the help of those closest to her and the power of her original convictions is arguably the single strongest, most clearly conveyed individual character arc in the series. I’m very curious where it goes from here: Adam’s finish represents a logical climax and the setup for a happily-ever-after with Yang (or Sun if they end up going that way after all) for her to coast through the remainder of the series on, but the way emotional consequences have played out in the series thus far I doubt her demons are going to be put to bed that simply.

Finally there’s Ruby, and I am contractually obligated to note up front: she is clearly not a Superman analogue. There is precisely zero percent chance that she was conceived as such or was ever deliberately executed in such a way that mirroring him was kept in mind. Though she IS a super-powered idealist raised in the middle of nowhere with a significant deceased parent who wears a red cape, flies, gives inspiring rallying speeches, has black-ish but primary color-tinted hair, and has a mysterious birthright that involves being able to shoot lasers from her eyes, plus she has a dog who also essentially has superpowers, plus she tells someone they’re stronger than they think they are, plus Yang basically quotes a bit from Kingdom Come regarding her in Rest and Resolutions. But it probably goes a ways in explaining why she works so well for me.

There’s more to it than that of course, though it does bring up the closest way in which she relates to the superhero paradigm: she doesn’t go through an arc in quite the same way as the others, instead being an already solidly-defined character who is simply illustrated by how she interacts with the people and situations around her. She learns and grows and matures, but her most basic motivations and goals and outlook haven’t really changed since the day she enrolled at Beacon. She’s a good, caring person, a leader archetype who still has more than enough personality to spare to keep from falling into the genericism that can often plague that role. A big part of the key I believe is that she’s the audience surrogate in a profound way beyond the obvious touchstones of her frequent awkwardness and self-doubt: the reason she does this is because she was inspired by stories. She’s a fan, ultimately, but one who learned all the right lessons, whether recognizing from day one the way reality falls short of the tales she was raised on but still believing in the ideals they represent, or openly holding up Qrow as a role model while being willing to call him on his shit when push comes to shove. It’s a romantic, hopeful perspective that stands out sharply from even our other heroes even as it mirrors their struggles, but as of yet there’s little to suggest it comes from a place of naivete so much as a belief that it’s the only way to bear the pain of the world and continue to believe in it. Bit by bit it’s clear she’s heading for a breaking point, but all signs point to that being a matter of her ability to withstand what she’s been through, rather than any doubt that it’s necessary, and should that time come she’s inspired plenty who’ll be able to help her back onto her feet the way she has for so many others. So while I understand her speeches apparently grate on some, as far as I’m concerned keep them coming, they’re the beating caring heart of the series and often the sole respite in the eye in the storm.

[denerims-archive]

How does Helen deal with the lack of reflection? Do her ghouls take care of her appearance for her? What made her decide to be independent, and why does she antagonize the camarilla and the sabbat but not the anarchs?

omg thank you for the ask!! 💗

Helen is often…frustrated by the lack of her reflection. She’s a vain woman and likes things done a particular way so it would be easier if she just did it herself. Ghouls have been in charge of her appearance in the past (she made two of her lady’s maids ghouls when she was first turned) but she often trusts it to the care of her childe Maria now because Maria has been with her so long she knows how she likes it. She doesn’t like mirrors in the house just because it reminds her of her lack of reflection.

They often sit for portraits every two years or so (they have lost of paintings of their family!) and Helen delights in them and hangs them all around their home. She also often tells Lucien and Maria how beautiful they are just so they know (and because she knows how frustrating it can be). 

As for her desire to be independent, Helen’s sire was a prominent figure in the First Anarch Rebellion - a Lasombra turncoat who turned tail when the Anarchs came to kill the Lasombra antediluvian. So, her sire instilled in her a hatred of the Camarilla. She came to hate the Sabbat due to her sire who was a very abusive and manipulative man who took advantage of her desire for companionship. They traveled together for roughly a century until due to her sire’s neglect she turned a young painter she fell in love with during the last remainders of the Renaissance. Her sire slaughtered her childe and in turn she diablerized him and defected 👌🏻

The Anarchs have never personally wronged her and while she thinks they’re a bit naive, idealistic and impulsive she believes that at least they’re the most free of the Kindred and they don’t really give a shit about her as long as she’s not doing super evil stuff or messing with them.

[angryarbitershark-blog]

I just returned from the most amazing trip to Pakistan, where I met many absolutely wonderful people. My uniqueness was embraced – I wasn’t treated differently because of my brown skin or my short grey hair – I was WELCOMED!

I spent 15 days in Pakistan (specifically, Lahore and Faisalabad), and had an absolutely wonderful time and will hold this experience and the people I met (now extended family) close to my heart for the remainder of my life.

I can’t speak on politics and the general climate of Pakistan as a whole. However, I can share with everyone this reaches my first-hand experience in Pakistan.

Never have I experienced such genuine warmth from complete strangers. I was welcomed into homes with open arms and yes, there was some curiosity as to how I felt about the country. My response was always it’s amazing or wonderful. My vocabulary is limited as there isn’t a single word that can express how I felt. What I saw of Pakistan was amazing, even the traffic though chaotic was somehow organized chaos.

There’s so much to see, eat and experience that it’s sensory overload. I have a 2 year visa and we’re already making plans for our return visit in 2020. That in itself is a testament to the wonderful time I had.

Speaking of sensory overload, creating a comprehensive blog of this experience is impossible. As a result, I’ve sectioned areas off to create mini-stories of my experiences to cutback on what appears to be rambling…

Additionally, I’m finding it difficult to share this experience in such a way that the nuances of the morning walks through the orchard, the early morning (3:00a) drives for chai or kababs, the visit to a village and let’s not forget the over-the-top wedding are shared in such a way that you (the reader) are also in awe.

All of these things coupled with the hospitality and love felt from everyone met doesn’t seem to translate well. However, I’ll do my best.

Let’s start from the beginning…

When my friend of over 17+ years asked if I’d like to go with her to a wedding in Pakistan – I immediately thought “YES”, however, this was a discussion with hubby before giving a definitive answer.

Of course he agreed that this was a once in a lifetime opportunity and he encouraged me to go for it!

Overview…

How many times does a person have the opportunity to attend a lavish Pakistani wedding IN Pakistan? Trusting my friend to make all the plans and ultimately dress me like dress-up barbie – that’s another story… I was off on what so far has been the best experience of my lifetime.

I didn’t just visit Pakistan, I was immersed into the culture as the host families have ultimately become my extended family. I didn’t sit back idly as a guest at the wedding events, I actually took part in some of the ceremonies.

I have over 900 pictures that truly tell the story. I feel that through these pics, I was able to capture an essence of Pakistan that is never seen nor considered to an outsider. As a result, I have created collages and written captions to aide you in taking part in this experience.

To say I had a wonderful time and met some wonderful people is an understatement. I know I’ve said this repeatedly… “Words can not begin to capture the true essence of my experience.”

We departed Dulles International Airport (IAD) December 13, 2018 @10:40p

December 15 – Day 1: Arrived in Lahore, Pakistan – freshened up, then took the local commuter bus (Daewoo Express) to Faisalabad, Pakistan (2-hr bus ride cost: approx. $8/per person).

First Impressions –

With any third world country the pollution is the first thing you notice.  Then you see the poverty and what appears to be chaos.  We arrived during the morning RUSH.   The traffic in Lahore is 10x worst than NY and Atlanta combined. However, with all the madness, there’s a rhythm to the traffic.  As mentioned earlier, I called it organized chaos.

Faisalabad here we come…

On the Daewoo Bus from Lahore to Faisalabad –  this is a 2-hr trip and costs approx. $8 per person

While in Faisalabad, we were fortunate enough to stay with my friends’ family. Their home sits next to the family farm/orchard. This time of the year fresh guava, oranges, and lemons were plentiful.

There was always an abundance of fresh fruits and vegetables – I’m sure walking through groves of fruit trees isn’t something pictured when you think of Pakistan? However, each morning the host would take his morning walk (we were fortunate enough to take a stroll with him one morning) and return with bags of fresh picked oranges and guava…

Strolling through the Orchards

This simple walk brought about a sense of inner peace.

Quiet Morning…

Sorting fresh cilantro

Fresh Roti anyone?

Delish!!!!

Faisalabad Family

Faisalabad – Captured moments…

Foodies! Pakistanis are the ultimate foodies…

EVERYTHING is fresh and delicious. A foodies paradise.

  I tried and enjoyed everything. Well, there is one exception – pickled mango. My friend says that this is an acquired taste. Doubt that I’ll ever acquire the taste – lol…

However, CHAI on the other hand – I don’t think that there is a standard recipe. Each cup I tasted was slightly different. One pink chai would taste different from another pink chai. The common denominator – they were ALL delicious.

Did someone say “CHAI”?

Pink Chai, regular Chai, the Best Chai… YES!!! Life revolves around a delicious cup of CHAI

Seriously, life does revolve around CHAI…

Picture taken around 3:00 am. Yes, we were out for a delicious cup of pink chai. No, there aren’t any women around that time of morning. OK, I was out with the guys

Yes, we’re sitting in the cold waiting for CHAI

…and we had fun waiting

Yes, you can get a message while waiting for your chai

Rusk! Did I mention, it’s delicious w/Chai

A quick Lahore breakfast would include a cup of chai and 3-4 ok more like 5-6 slices of rusk

Teachable Moments…

I learned that orange slices dipped in salt and pepper is actually very good.

Can you catch an Uber in Pakistan? YES!!!!

Pakistan has approx. 10% christian population. The schools are closed for Christmas to respect this 10% of their population

The government pays for ALL education. Yes, they’ll even pay for a PhD…

Drive your car up to the gate, pop your hood and trunk for inspection. Exit your car, walk up to gate – open purse, show contents. Walk into building, pass purse through x-ray, you walk through metal detector. Finally, welcome to Emporium Mall, Lahore, Pakistan.

Emporium Mall: The safest mall on the planet. Here’s a list of MY favorite stores:

Maria-B

Sana Safina

Cross Stitch

Hyperstar

Shopping!

Disclosure: I absolutely HATE shopping and trying on clothing. However, thanks to my friends and their patience I muddled through and purchased the most beautiful outfits for the wedding events – the embroidery and beadwork on the clothing is phenomenal. Added bonus, the pricing is great. Next time, I’ll focus on more everyday pieces.

Confession: Yes, I shopped til I dropped. The bazaars have LOTs of deals, however, you truly need someone that speaks the language and knows how to negotiate to get the best deals. I had a grand time selecting shawls.

Decisions, decisions…

I’ll take them ALL

Don’t Judge…

Yes, I purchased most of the shawls in front of him

Aren’t they beautiful?

Hospitality…

In addition to the heartfelt hospitality, I received dresses, necklaces and even a bouquet of flowers from the village we visited – I’m not much for showing my emotions, however, I’ve never cried so much in my life. Happy tears for the kindness that was shown me was astonishing.

Pakistanis bring a whole new meaning to our (US) definition of southern hospitality. EVERY home (no matter how meager or grand) will offer you something to eat and drink.

Even when shopping at the bazaars, the shop keepers will offer you meals. We had delicious samosa’s and mango juice when purchasing our custom gowns, we had mango ice cream while picking out shawls. Basically, you can sit and review (okay, haggle) prices and eat an entire meal during the process. Can we say customer service.

Here are some pics from my visit to the village. 

The day was spent eating and walking through the village and surrounding fields. THIS was a truly amazing experience. Enjoy the experience with me.

Welcome to the Village…

I was presented with a beautiful bouquet of flowers

By the way, I’m wearing a dress gifted to me by our host family in Faisalabad.

It’s all about family and food. You can’t ask for more.

Strolling thru Sugar cane

Eating sugar cane and oranges, while strolling through sugar cane fields – PRICELESS

Picking oranges – fresh from the tree – Delish…

A field of mustard seeds…

Just chillin’

These ladies had enough of us walking them through the fields.

The lady next to me is the oldest person in the village.

Village traffic

Okay… the original purpose of our trip: The Wedding…

Yes, I attended ALL of the events below. Additionally, I participated in some of the events too. The wedding was spectacular! It was like attending a royal wedding with absolutely nothing spared.

Listed as follows are the events I attended with pictures from the events.

However, please note – the definition of each event was obtained from this link https://www.desiblitz.com/content/the-pakistani-wedding-ceremony

December 19, 2018 – Dholki

Singing, dancing, and just usual gupshup are part of dholki sessions. The dhol, a large skinned drum, is played along with a metal spoon. Ladies of the family gather around in a circle around the dhol and sing traditional Bollywood and Mehndi songs about the bride and groom.

Our Lahore family. Having Chai after the Dholki

Friday, December 21, 2018 – Nikkah

The most important part of the whole ceremony is the Nikkah. Here the exchanging of the vows and the acceptance of marriage by both the bride and groom takes place. The nikkah is the most sacred matrimonial tie between a man and a woman. It forms an everlasting relationship between two people on the basis of two words, “I do”, said thrice by each of them.

The couple also sign the marriage contract or Nikkah-naama which contains all the terms and conditions agreed by both sides which they have to adhere too. Usually the fathers of both the bride and groom will stand as witnesses. Immediately following this, the groom’s side hand out wedding favours, or bidh, to all the guests.

I actually helped fill over 200 goodie bags for this event

Saturday, December 22, 2018 Mehndi 

usually the most anticipated events, because they are supposed to be the most fun-filled events of the entire wedding. Usually it depends upon the preferences of people, but mehndis are mostly are filled with dance numbers. Youngsters prepare dances for mehndis which are usually presented to the couple. Often times couples will dance on their mehndi’s too. Elders will put mehndi and oil on leaves in the bride and groom’s hands, and feed them mithai. The traditional colour for mehndi is yellow. The bride is supposed to wear yellow clothes, or have a touch of yellow in her outfit. Along with that her hands are covered with different designs of henna. Some brides also prefer their arms and feet to be covered with beautiful henna designs.

December 24, 2018 – Baraat

The Baraat comes next, which involves the ‘departing ceremony’ for the bride following the arrival of the groom in a procession to take her away. This event is held and organized by the bride’s family.

The most important part of the baraat is the Rukhsati. It can rather be a sad moment for the family of the bride, and the bride herself. The food on baraat is usually lavish and rich. Pakistani food items usually include pulao, biryani, chicken curry, kebabs etc. Kheers and halwas are usually part of desserts.

Baraats can be rather stressful occasions for the bride and her family. This is because it is a kind of goodbye between them. Also stress gets built up from all past preparations and events, which adds to it. Slow music is usually played on baraats. More focus is made on the décor and presentation of the event. Such is done because a lot of pictures are to be taken on Baraat day.

All in all, baraats are fun events with a little touch of teary and emotional moments. The most painful moment is when the father of the bride sends off his daughter to a completely new home and environment.

Makeup aka setup- lol

Horrible make-up day. Lesson learned – take your foundation to the salon.

Loved my outfit and the company I kept

We look beautiful despite my makeup

December 25, 2018 – Walima

The last main event is the Walima. This event is a grand dinner and reception hosted by the groom. This event is usually all about putting an end to the long series of wedding events, and to say thanks to guests and family. The dress and make-up of this event for the bride is usually chosen by the groom’s side. The food on the walima is almost the same as the baraat. The focus on this event is again on picture taking and just light gupshup.

When the walima is over, the wedding officially comes to an end. After this, the series of dinners and lunches start for the fresh couple. Makhlawa is one of them, where all family members and friends invite the newlywed couple to different dinners, lunches and brunches.

All of these events combined are what make the Pakistani wedding ceremony unique. The purpose of them is to make the bride and groom feel special, and to celebrate their future marriage wholeheartedly.

Love these two

Thanks so much for opening your home to me.

Our hosts while in Lahore.

What have I done since my return? Talk about my trip.

Coming soon…

I’m currently planning an evening with friends to share foods, pics, stories… of this experience. I will post pics soon.

Pakistan: Viewed thru the eyes of a Mature Black American Female I just returned from the most amazing trip to Pakistan, where I met many absolutely wonderful people.

[thenonsenseuniverse]

Coffee Cups & Leather Jackets pt 5

Hamilton Modern Au Thomas Jefferson x Reader Hamilsquad x Reader PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7 Summary: For your first mission, you find yourself face to face with a familiar enemy, but also making a new friend. You weren’t sure what Thomas had in store, but after your day at the cafe, maybe a little distraction wasn’t a bad thing.

         Thomas glanced worriedly at you as he began the drive back to the mansion. You were scarily silent, and your emotions seemed to be flickering between angry, sad, and regretful. He knew that today would be hard for you, and he expected you to be upset like this for the next couple of weeks. Heartbreak wasn’t an easy thing to get over and he respected that. However, he didn’t like seeing you so upset because of that group of idiotic baboons. You needed a distraction. 

“I was thinking,” Thomas began, stealing your attention away from the rainy window. “You’ve seemed to pick up on your training fairly easily. So how about when we get home, we set up your first mission?”

You frowned at Thomas’ words. “F-First of all the mansion i-isn’t my ho-home. I have my ow-own dorm.” Jefferson smirked at your sass. It was one of the things that made him decide to bring you into the team. “Sec-condly, I don’t th-think I’m ready. I could b-barely hold u-up against th-the boys today.”

He nodded in acknowledgment. “That’s to be expected though, Darlin’. Those boys were your friends for nearly a year, of course they’re gonna be your weak spot. What you need is a way to vent out your emotions. I bet you haven’t had a full night of sleep since they’ve left you.” He took your silence as affirmation to the statement. “It won’t be anything too hard, just something to get your mind off of those dimwitted morons.” 

You instinctively tensed at the insults being thrown at your ex-best friends. They may have hurt you, but that didn’t mean that you didn’t still care for them. You knew they weren’t even close to being morons. In fact, they were some of the smartest people you had ever met. 

You suddenly realized that this was exactly what Thomas was talking about. No matter what they did to you, you were still defending them, and deep down you still desperately wanted to crawl back to them and let them hold you again. You wouldn’t let that happen. You weren’t going to let them hurt you again. 

With a sigh and a stir of your drink, you gave into Jefferson. “You’re r-right. Let’s do this.” Jefferson simply grinned and continued to drive, the car fell quiet once more for the remainder of the drive.

   James placed four mugs of tea on the center table of what the boys called the ‘info room’ as you sat down to discuss your first mission. “Something easy, huh? It’ll also have to be someone who deserves it.”

You rose an eyebrow at that statement. “W-Wait. I thought we ag-agreed that I wasn’t h-hurting anyone.” 

Thomas sighed. “That’s right, you don’t want to be involved in the fun part. Alright then, someone we can use to our advantage. Someone who we can give leverage that will become handy in the future.”

“There’s Maria. We did just dig up dirt between her and Hamilton, but she’s still in that abusive relationship with James Reynolds. A friend who understands just might be what she needs to finally give her the strength to leave him. After that, I have strong feeling that she’ll blossom rather quickly, and can be another insider for us.” Aaron explained, pointing to the picture of the girl who’s folder he had hung up yesterday. 

James nodded in consideration and took a drink of his tea. “True, but that’s going to be one messy, and long case once we do decide to open it. I don’t think Y/N emotionally ready for that right now.” 

You opened your mouth to argue with him but closed it when you realized he was probably right. This was the second time they had associated this woman with Hamilton and you weren’t ready to deal with anything involving the boys right now. Work was hard enough.

“I was thinking something more along the lines of Peggy Schylur,” James started throwing the file onto the table. “A politicians daughter, and sister of two of the most popular girls in school, yet lives in a cloud of loneliness. She’s constantly in her sister’s shadows and is always forgotten. It’d be easy to get her on your side, the harder part would be earning the other two trusts. Eliza, and especially Angelica aren’t exactly the most trusting of folks, but they know a lot of information on a lot of people, and goodness knows they love to gossip. The only downside is that the older two Schylurs have been seen frequently with the Hamilsquad.”

You looked at the girl in the picture. In two out of the three picture laying in front of you, she was alone and had a small frown on her face. In the other one she was smiling, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. She needed someone to be there for her, and you could be that person. You also knew she needed someone who was her friend not because of some mission, but because they truly wanted to be there with her. 

“I’ll d-do it.” You said crossing your arms and leaning back into your chair. “But not as a-a mission. I kn-know people like P-Peggy, hell I’ve b-been one of th- them. She doesn’t s-someone pret-tending to be her f-f-friend just to use her. She needs a gen-genuine relationship, none of this faking bullsh-shit.” You the look you were giving them, told them that this wasn’t up for discussion. You refused to play with this poor girl’s heartstrings.

Thomas chuckled. “Your empathy is just what this team was missing.” He clapped his hands and pushed off the table to roll across the room on his rolly chair. He unpinned a file and came back. “But that means you still don’t have a mission. What if we give you one that doesn’t help someone, but doesn’t necessarily help them either?”

You frowned in confusion. “What d-do you mean?”

Jefferson slammed down a thick file with a crown stamped onto it onto the table. “ ‘King’ George Frederick the Third. A snotty brat who moved here from England about five years ago, and thinks that he rules the school. He has two people who he trusts more than anything, that being Samuel Seabury and Charles Lee, however, he does have some sway on a lot of people within the campus, especially the teachers. We need an inside man on his affairs and the different things that he plans. We also happen to know that he’s taken an attraction to our little Y/N here.” He set five picture onto the table, all of the had George watching, or walking towards you. 

You could feel your nose scrunch up in disgust. You’ve had many encounters with George since your first introduction. True, he was charming, but he was also extremely cocky and always seemed to be giving unwanted opinions on everything around him. Perhaps those opinions were precisely the type of things Jefferson wanted you to get through. You’d have to be careful not to snap at him, but maybe a little fire could help in this situation. It’d be easy to get to him. The King and his posse somehow managed to find you alone at least once a week, and would always try to talk with you before the squad could return. 

“Basically you n-need me to g-get close to him f-for information?” 

James watched you worriedly, as he took another sip of his tea. “Are you sure this is the best idea? I don’t trust Geoge and his obsession with Y/N shouldn’t be something we play around with.”

You gave James a small smile. “It’ll be f-fine. I’ll be c-careful. Besides, if someth-thing happens, I kn-know you guys c-can get him b-back.” 

Aaron nodded. “We need some insight on George. He’s powerful and gets away with too much. We need dirt against him.”

Madison narrowed his eyebrows and shook his head. “I don’t like it, but your right. The sooner we do this, the sooner we can take him down.”

Thomas grinned a scarily pleased grin. “Great! Now that we’ve agreed, Y/N you have to remember that George was attracted to your small, shy, weak self. He needs to think that he is in control at all times, and you need to act the part. If that means coming back here to drink and vent to us every week, then so be it. You have to timid, and quiet. A little praise every now and then wouldn’t hurt either.” Thomas flipped open the file to what looked like a calendar. “According to his predicted schedule, George and co. should be at the library until seven. If you head there alone, I have no doubt they’ll approach you. Focus on them today, and maybe even tomorrow. You can start on Peggy later.”

Your eyes widen at the information. You were actually doing this. You were actually going to spy on someone just so you can use them for information. You took a sip of your tea, and a deep breath before smiling up at the boys. “Then I guess I b-better get changed.”

    You sat down at one of the library tables now dressed in an oversized, pale blue sweater and black skinny jeans that were ripped at your knees. You figured it gave off the perfect balance of cute but ‘leave me alone’. You pulled a book out of your messenger bag and peeked over the top of it at a nearby table. George and Charles were talking up a storm while poor Samuel seemed to be struggling to work on something. 

Now that you had your target on sight you began to read, only occasionally looking over at them to see if there were any changes. This continued for about half an hour until you looked up to see George’s eyes already staring at you. The British man smirked and singled for his group to rise as they approached you. 

You forced a blush to rise your cheeks, and shrunk into your book as if your embarrassed to be caught. “It looks like someone finally gained an interest in the king.” George laughed as he sat down across from you.You felt your face become even more red, out of anger of course, but he didn’t need to know that. “Have you finally come to your senses, little mouse?”

You shyly looked up at him. “I-I-I was-.” You paused and bit down on your lip before sighing. “I-I’m sorry for bothering you. Y-You guys j-just looked l-like you were having f-fun, and-” You let out a sad chuckle as you fiddled with your book. “That’s s-something my l-life’s been l-lacking lately.” 

George’s eyes widened as if he realized something, and fake pity suddenly covered his face. “That’s right. Those mean boys left you didn’t they? Poor thing, you must be so lonely.”

You let a hurt expression cover your face, as you looked down at your hands. “I-I-I’m fine.” You forced your voice to crack on the ‘fine’ and let your bottom lip tremble as if you were about to cry. 

George took you into his arms and shushed you as fake sobs and tears flowed out of you. “There, there, Love. It’ll be alright. No need to cry over those maniacs.” He pulled back and gently wiped the tears from your face. “Who needs them anyway when you could be with us?”

You blinked in confusion at them, used you baggy sleeves to wipe at your eyes. “W-What?”

He chuckled and looked down at you lovingly. “I’ve always liked you, Y/N. But I couldn’t get near you with those idiots around. Come with us, and no one will dare to hurt you again. Everyone will love you.”

You allowed your eyes to widen with hope. “You m-mean that y-you’d take c-c-care of me?” You nearly winced at how desperate and defenseless you sounded.

“Of course. My friends only get the best, so once you’re with me you’ll never leave. You’ll never want to.” You began to worry at his words but quickly covered it with a timid smile. 

“T-That sounds a-a-amazing.” 

George smiled and gestured for Charles to gather your things. “Perfect. Well, we’re going out for lunch, and I insist that you join us.” 

On the outside, You nodded excitedly and allowed him to take your hand and lead you to his car.

But on the inside, you were already beginning to dread accepting this mission, and wonder if maybe Jefferson was using you the way you were using George. You could already see the similarities between the two interactions, and somehow everything began to be unclear. 

You flinched as George slammed the car door, and sat beside you in the back seat, with Samuel being on your left. He leaned forward to the driver and gave an address.

It was too late to go back now.

[getoffthesoapbox]

[VKM Spec] Investigating VKM 14

We’re starting the year off on much more solid footing than we began last year--with VKM 13.5 and now VKM 14, the story seems to be headed in a better direction than before. I, for one, am relieved to see this, and hope this trend continues for the remainder of the story. We only take small steps forward this chapter, but the good news is, as far as I can tell, we don’t take any steps backward either. 

The irony hasn’t escaped me that not three days after I complained about Hino’s storytelling tanking, she put out what is arguably the best action/suspense chapter she’s written since the end of the Rido arc. Either someone put a bug in her ear, or we’re headed in a direction that she’s actually excited about writing. Whichever it is, this is a distinct improvement to the lackluster writing and artwork we’re accustomed to, and it’s a welcome change. The old girl’s still got it in her. Let’s see if she can keep it up.

That being said, let’s get to it. Scanlations can be found in the usual places.

Obligatory disclaimer for the sensitives: This post is “zeki criticism” and “anti ky”. Please blacklist those tags accordingly.

Marking Time

The first thing that struck me when I saw the opening page of this chapter was the teaser line. I couldn’t figure out what it was about the line that gripped me, other than the obvious: it’s clearly a reference to the significant amount of time Zero’s been waiting for Yuuki to say something to him. But when I was flipping through volume 19 the other day, I realized what it was that had caught my attention--this teaser line in VKM 14 is a direct reference to Zero’s request from the original epilogue of Night 93, a request that apparently narratively is still unanswered from Yuuki.

So this teaser line is a callback to that chapter, and it also tells us several things:

Zero is still waiting for Yuuki’s reply to his request from Night 93. 

VKM 9′s confession was not the answer to that request. 

We are not going to be ignoring the events that took place at the end of the original series in order to move Zero and Yuuki’s story forward.

We will likely be revisiting the original series to sort out why Yuuki still hasn’t given Zero an answer after all this time.

While it’s disheartening to recall how long Zero’s been waiting for a response to his request in Night 93, at the same time I’m quite heartened by the fact that he (and Hino and her editor) does not consider his request properly responded to by Yuuki. This is a huge relief to me as someone who was not happy with Yuuki’s manner of confessing to Zero in VKM 9. One of the weights from my shoulders as far as this story is concerned has been lifted with this reference, at least for now. I’m now hopefully optimistic that we’re not finished with the revelations on Yuuki’s side about her past and her past choices, and I’m also more hopeful that we might actually get a legitimate confession from her about her true feelings for Zero in the future. 

So as far as I’m concerned, this little teaser line was a great way to start the chapter. If this was all the chapter contained, I’d be happy enough, but lucky for me this is only the beginning of the goodies.

The Usual Suspects

This chapter really expanded the possibilities for the suspects behind the Vampire King bombings, but it also threw some of my theories right out the window, which is rather interesting. There’s a lot to unpack on this side of the plot, so buckle your seat belts and get ready for the ride.

We begin the chapter with a secret meeting in the underground area between Maria and Kaien. @jadedmemories mentioned to me that if we take the title page as a canon “scene”, it’s quite possible Zero was listening in on what Maria and Kaien were discussing, as in, potentially he doesn’t trust either of them. It’s an interesting possibility, and one worth keeping in mind as future chapters unfold, I think. For now there’s not much to be done with the information.

It’ll probably be easiest if I separate this section by suspect and work through what we know and don’t know of each one. I made a funny list of suspects here for anyone who wants a more thorough review of each one, but for now I’m only going to discuss the most likely suspects and the ones that are relevant to this chapter in particular. First, we’ll start with some general observations:

The Vampire King’s True Purpose

Before this chapter came out, I was hesitant to make any guesses as to what the Vampire King mastermind was aiming for. But with three bombing incidents under our collective belts, a few potential purposes are starting to rise above the others. 

With only the first two incidents, I was torn as to who the target of the Vampire King’s ultimate “message” was--I thought it could be Zero, Yuuki, Zero and Yuuki together, or the general efforts of Yuuki/Zero/Aidou/Takuma/Kaien to make the world more accepting of vampires.

With this third incident, I believe the target of the Vampire King’s message is either Yuuki or Zero specifically and individually. The rest is smoke and mirrors to give the group legitimacy and to act as a screen for the true purpose. I’ll break down the two options for now and explain which one I’m leaning toward currently, but we can’t make any positive conclusions until we get more information:

Target A: Yuuki - Yuuki being the ultimate target for the Vampire King’s mastermind is on the surface the most sensible conclusion. The name “Vampire King” itself is a direct reference to Kaname that would strike her heart more than any other’s. The first attack happened to Yuuki’s friends, the second attack happened to her pseudo-partner, the third attack both threatened something she holds dear (children’s safety) and also stole her pseudo-partner from her (Zero’s kidnapping). If she’s the target, the Vampire King likely a.) wants to use Zero’s safety as leverage to stop her from doing something (likely the cure research, since she’s in charge of Aidou) or b.) wants to separate her from Zero for some reason or c.) wants to harass her and cause her pain out of a misguided attempt to “get even” for Kaname’s past actions, since she’s connected to him. 

Target B: Zero - Although I think the Yuuki option has potential, ultimately my gut is telling me Zero is the true target of all of this insanity. And by target I mean he’s both the person to capture (literal target) and the person to whom the message of the group is meant to be delivered. The group’s name “Vampire King” will still reach Zero just as much as it would reach Yuuki--Yuuki, in this variant, is the “bait” to get Zero involved, rather than vice versa. So the first attack happens to Yuuki’s friends, which gets Yuuki involved, which gets Zero involved. But the second attack is deliberately for Zero, and the vampire who commits the action has an insult specifically for Zero, despite Zero not even knowing the guy. The third incident, in this scenario, is actually a decoy and a set up--whoever the Vampire King mastermind is, they know Zero will be in charge of the investigation, so they pick a target he’s sensitive to (children) and set up landmine explosives in an obvious location where he’s sure to be the first to try to help anyone who gets caught up in it. They may or may not plant info with Kain to get Kain to bring Yuuki (though right now I think Yuuki’s presence was a mistake and unintended by the Vampire King mastermind), and then while Zero’s distracted “saving” whoever gets caught up in the mines, he either dies or gets kidnapped (the true objective). If this is true, then the kidnapping is actually to get Zero before the Vampire King mastermind to allow the mastermind the opportunity to talk to him without a certain nosy pureblood’s interference. Likely, if Zero is the true target, the Vampire King mastermind is going to use Zero’s desire to save people as leverage to get Zero to do something for him/her: either a.) stop Aidou’s research, b.) separate Zero from Yuuki, or c.) help Aidou’s research to get Kaname back sooner, depending on the ultimate goal. They’d get Zero to help them by blackmailing him, using a threat against future targets as bait. Then they’d likely release Zero so that he can return to Yuuk on his own, but with the blackmail hanging over his head. For an example of how fun this type of plotline is, see Sherlock BBC’s The Great Game episode. 

The reason I’m currently leaning toward Zero as the ultimate target of the mastermind is simply because Yuuki’s for the most part a fairly passive character and because of how long it’s been since the forge was created. If the mastermind was after Yuuki because of some grudge over Kaname, well, it’s been 50-70 years depending on how old Yori was when she died. That’s a long time to hold a grudge against someone who’s just related to the person in question. It’d be far better to just plan an attack against the forge itself, if the forge was the problem. As for other reasons to go after Yuuki’s loved ones, there really aren’t any other than maybe a bored Pureblood wanting to start a war and stop the coexistence efforts. Even if that’s true, this particular style of Vampire King activity doesn’t seem particularly effective toward that end. Especially when it’s highlighting the vampires as the problem, rather than simply being a declaration against Yuuki herself or her comrades. 

If Zero is the person the mastermind is after, we have a lot more room to play. Zero has more enemies than Yuuki, and more people with animus toward him for his role as a Hunter and as Yuuki’s pseudo-partner. Zero also has unresolved pot threads about his special status as the only hunter twin to ever be born a twin, not to mention Takuma’s secret in reference to the Shizuka incident. On top of that, it’s been made very clear that his relationship with Yuuki is not approved of in most quarters, and the hunters (who would go after Yuuki, rather than Zero) for the most part seem accepting of his situation, thus they’re unlikely to be part of the problem. Zero also is potentially a cure component, which may be a factor, and he’s part of the reason the hunters aren’t killing vampires anymore (so if this is an action by the anti-vampire faction, Zero might be a prime target as an agent of improving the lot of criminal vampires and thus seen as an enemy to their agenda). 

Again, at this time this is only speculation at best; we simply don’t have enough information to make any firm conclusions either way. I’m honestly not sure anymore how smart Hino is, so perhaps the most obvious conclusion is the best in this situation. 

Kidnapped!

Zero’s kidnapping this chapter brings up a few questions: 

Was the purpose of the bombing threat a decoy to lure Zero out and to kidnap him?

Is Zero’s kidnapping part of the Vampire King’s plot or is it from a second party?

Was Zero the intended target or was he captured by accident?

If Zero was the intended target, why? If he was captured by accident, who was the real target?

Did Zero orchestrate his own kidnapping for a reason?

It may seem kind of silly to bring up the idea that Zero might have had himself kidnapped but given how peacefully he departs from Yuuki’s side, it’s quite possible. There’s no sign of a struggle, and although he does look over his shoulder before he disappears, his expression isn’t anxious or shocked. Whatever he sees isn’t unexpected. 

I’m not sure how likely this is, however, but if his kidnapping was a genuine kidnapping that leaves even more questions. Why was he not shocked to see the person kidnapping him? Why didn’t he struggle? How did the kidnapper surprise him and knock him out without a struggle or even a word of warning to Yuuki? How did Yuuki not notice another person was there?

There are a couple options I can think of. One is that the person who approached Zero was one he expected to be there (limiting our options to Maria, Goggles Guy, or Mimi), who perhaps covered his mouth with something like a chloroform-soaked cloth to knock him out. The other is that a person didn’t approach him--a pureblood blood creature did, such as Sara’s spiders or Kaname’s bats. If it’s the latter, he could be easily whisked away the way Kaname did for Yuuki in Night 60 or the way Touma did with his bats in Night 59 and 60. This would imply a pureblood is working with the Vampire King, though they may not be the mastermind. We know Yuuki has a hard time sensing the pureblood creatures, as it took her a few minutes to figure out the fake Kaname back in Night 76; it would be entirely possible for a pureblood to whisk Zero away quickly using these creatures rather than their physical selves.

All of this brings up some very interesting questions, which unfortunately we’ll have to wait two months (or perhaps more) to get answers. 

Suspect A: Kaien

In my review of VKM 13, I mentioned Kaien as a potential suspect. After VKM 14, I’m leaning toward him being a red herring, as much as this pains my Kaien-detesting heart. =P 

On the surface, he’s still a great candidate for mastermind of the whole operation. Here’re the points in his favor:

He meets Maria in secret and spills a “secret” to her.

He has time to plant the bombs.

Although he’s not at the scene of the crime, that could be because a.) he already planted the bombs, b.) the Zero kidnapping isn’t part of the Vampire King activities, or c.) he planted the bombs and his associates kidnap Zero, leaving him free to attack other towns.

At the mayor candidate rally, he talks about his ideals and runs off with a suspicious bag in his hand. (Thanks, @jadedmemories for pointing that out to me.)

That being said, here are the reasons I feel he’s a red herring now:

Yuuki got caught up in the mess, which I don’t feel he would have intended, and surely he’d know that this particular style of target would get her attention.

The target was a bunch of kids, which isn’t his style--although he has no problem putting teenagers in danger, he still looked after and cared for Yuuki and Zero as children and likely wouldn’t threaten kids.

Although we don’t find out Kaien’s secret, we do find out that he asked Maria to reach out to the Academy alumni, which (while perhaps a decoy) implies whatever he’s working toward is ultimately altruistic or at worst benign in nature and something he thinks other people will support.

Hino made a point in VKM 11 of showing Kaien has some regrets about how he handled his life, and she reiterated this in VKM 6 when he was talking with Yori’s dad. 

His motives for committing these attacks (especially now that human children have been involved) seem fairly weak and counterproductive to his other stated goals.

All in all, while it’s still certainly possible that Kaien could be the ultimate mastermind or part of the Vampire King group, in the end I think he’s probably a red herring whose activities will end up helping Yuuki and/or Zero in the end. He does have access to a pureblood, Isaya, who could have helped him kidnap Zero, but there are also other purebloods who could do the same thing with potentially more motive.

Suspect B: Maria

Hino conveniently decided to bring Maria back after all this time in VKM 14. I don’t think she was brought back just to resurrect Yuuki’s limp jealousy over a man she’s been pushing away romantically for over 50 years. Depending on whether or not Maria has a role to play in the Vampire King group, the reason for her return will change.

It is possible she’s part of the Vampire King group, and we’re meant to suspect her. If she is a part of the group, however, I don’t believe she’s the mastermind. Before we get to that, let’s start with why she might be a potential suspect:

She randomly decides to help patrol the tunnels despite this being out of character for her, which Zero (being the most intuitive character of the cast) immediately points out.

She has a secret meeting with Kaien where she’s framed suspiciously.

When she talks about people being on the move thanks to the academy in the first scene with Kaien, Hino puts her speech bubble over the crime scene from later in the chapter. The framing is rather ominous. 

She’s working with a human we’ve never met before, who has some ambiguous connections to the former academy.

We know nothing of her whereabouts during the last few years since Night 93. We only know at some point there was a scene where she sadly watched Zero walking away, which was during the original Night 92 epilogue and where she had her original hairstyle. When that scene was and what it was about, we still don’t know.

Hino makes rather a big deal out of her wish to protect “what” she loves like Ichiru. This might imply that, if she is involved with the Vampire King, she is doing it out of misguided altruism. 

She’s clearly still interested in Zero romantically, even if she’s not actively pursuing him.

She and her human partner were patrolling the area near where the landmines were, yet neither of them noticed the landmines. 

Her human partner has a suspicious line about suspicious things “lying around” right before Yuuki and Mimi step on the landmines.

It’s quite possible that the reason Zero isn’t shocked or startled by whoever approaches him from behind is because it’s Maria herself, who he expects to be in the area. He likely wouldn’t struggle against her initially if she was the one who kidnapped him.

I think it’s certainly possible Maria might be involved with the Vampire King, but it’s also possible that she’s not and her partner is, and that it’s a huge coincidence that she happened to be there at the time. If the latter, then her role will likely be to cause some small trouble for Yuuki and make Yuuki question some things about herself, as Maria’s role has been since arc 2.

If Maria is involved in this whole business, she’s certainly not the mastermind. She doesn’t have nearly the motive or connections to mastermind this. While she does care for Zero and has certainly worked with shady figures in the past (Shizuka), she usually is on the side of right or good--though she was Yuuki’s rival for Zero, she still helped her against Kaname and Sara. The only way I can see her being involved in this is if the mastermind has convinced her that Yuuki is bad for Zero and needs to be separated from him (hearkening back to her wish to protect the things she loves like Ichiru). Maria doesn’t love the kids at the kindergarten, and as far as we know she only cares about two things: Ichiru (who is inside Zero) and Zero. This makes it likely that the thing she wants to protect is Zero. If that’s true, then it’s quite possible she’s involved in his kidnapping. 

However, it’s also possible that she (like Kaien) is merely a red herring. If she is just a red herring, then her open and honest confession of her goals and feelings is actually in the story to serve as a foil to Yuuki, who lies about hers. Maria’s open and honest affection stands in contrast to Yuuki’s inability to be truthful about her own feelings, something she’s struggled with for the entire story. Even if Maria isn’t involved in the Vampire King organization, she still serves a vital purpose in both making Yuuki reassess herself in the canon itself and also stands as an ideal to contrast Yuuki for the reader. 

Suspect C: Goggles Guy

Maria’s human companion, who I have dubbed Goggles Guy in lieu of a proper name, has a few points in his favor as being partnered to the Vampire King group, but if he is partnered with them, that opens up a whole different can of worms as to why a human would be partnered with Level C and potentially noble/pureblood vampires to sow chaos and drag the vampires through the mud. His involvement with the Vampire King group muddies the waters of potential motives, but he’s suspicious enough that I can’t write him off simply because he makes things difficult. 

Points in his favor as a potential member of the Vampire King group:

We’ve never seen him before, yet he knows enough about the tunnel threat to volunteer for the vigilante group.

Although his story about his grandmother may be true, we know nothing about the remainder of his background. He could potentially be from a hunter family and be bearing some kind of grudge.

Hino has him speak a suspiciously prescient line about suspicious objects being set up and returning to an “original objective.” On the surface, this line is innocent, but as a foreshadowing technique it may implicate him as the very one who set the landmines.

This is intuitive on my part, but Hino drew his goggles to be deliberately provoking--whenever a character’s eyes are hidden, that’s usually a sign to pay attention. There was no reason to remove his goggles when we first meet him and then put them back on his face right as he speaks his most suspicious line.

If the above points are true, he is, just like Maria, probably a pawn being used in the Vampire King mastermind’s ultimate plan. This guy just doesn’t seem to have enough going for him to be a mastermind in his own right, and certainly not one who could organize kamikaze Level Cs/Ds to bomb themselves.

But as with Maria and Kaien, Goggles Guy may also ultimately be a red herring. Points against him:

His motive for joining the vigilante corps seems legitimate and sincere; Hino doesn’t use any paneling or screentone tricks to make his story feel suspicious.

Even if he’s an angry member of the anti-vampire faction, it seems strange that he’d join an organization that utilizes vampires and looks down on humans (if we assume that the second suicide bomber was an accurate representation of the people involved with this group).

He’s a human, and should have more trouble kidnapping Zero than a vampire might. 

His motives seem weak, despite how suspicious he looks. 

We know nothing of this guy, which narratively renders him fairly innocuous, much like the evil purebloods in volume 19. Hopefully Hino isn’t going to repeat that mistake again.

Of the characters presented this chapter, Goggles Guy is the most likely to be involved in some way, though I doubt he’s anything more than a pawn ultimately.

Suspect D: Mimi

The last suspect really highlighted by this chapter is Mimi. I’ll cover the other options in the last sub-section together. Mimi’s only appeared in two chapters so far--VKM 6, where she annoyed Yuuki at the vampire lounge and later attacked Yori with the yankee doodle vampire, and now in VKM 14. Of the potential suspects this chapter, I feel she’s the weakest, but she is the last known person to have seen both Zero and Yuuki, and that can’t be discounted entirely.

Points in her favor as an accomplice to the Vampire King plot:

She has a known animus against Zero in particular and humans in general (Yori).

She’s a petty criminal and knows the tunnels very well.

She appeared suddenly this chapter after not being mentioned at all for a while.

She’s in the last panel showing Zero and Yuuki fighting the bomb. It’s quite possible she’s the one who runs up to Zero and knocks him out.

That being said, I really don’t think she’s involved at all. Reasons why I lean this way:

Mimi’s dumb as a box of rocks and can’t keep her mouth shut for two minutes flat.

Her narrative role appears to be filling in as the Yuuki sidekick character since Aidou is being used for other purposes and Zero has been removed. 

She’s being used to help Yuuki articulate her thoughts in a sincere way, and these conversations would be seriously undermined by villainous activity.

She steps on the damn landmine. What conspirator steps on the landmine? Yes, it offers authenticity, but there was no guarantee she’d escape unscathed unless it was a dud she stepped on which we know it wasn’t. 

Unless she’s speed running in that last panel that shows her head, she’s too far away to be the culprit who kidnaps Zero. The shot we see from behind her is also potentially a perspective shot of the person who DID attack Zero, and who IS running past her to get to him (hence the angle and speed). 

Hino never paints her suspiciously in the chapter, unlike Kaien, Maria, and Goggles Guy. 

There’s an interesting moment where Mimi points to Zero with Maria/Goggles Guy and demands to know why he’s not on Yuuki’s team and is on Maria’s. This is a potential narrative device foreshadowing the arc that’s about to come, with Zero “on the Vampire King’s side” due to blackmail, and Yuuki/Mimi having to figure out why. A device like this normally isn’t used for or by villainous characters.

It may be my bias toward Mimi talking here, but honestly she’s the most refreshing character in this story since Ai lost a lot of her charm and flatlined, and I’d hate to see her used for villainous purposes when there are plenty of other, superior candidates.

Suspect X: Everyone Else

I won’t go too deeply into the other options for the Vampire King mastermind this chapter, but a quick list of characters who are still potential masterminds despite not being directly involved this chapter:

Ai - Ai’s an unlikely candidate, but since we know she can wake up and go back to sleep, it’s entirely possible she’s somehow involved, rendering this whole Vampire King thing a big sham. Given how violent it has been so far, I think she’s an unlikely choice, but we can’t rule her out yet.

Isaya - Isaya’s not normally an active character, but he can be in the right situation. Perhaps he’s off his rocker.

Takuma - My favorite option, and the one who appears the most innocent and has the most potential for juicy narrative twists. He’s not in this chapter of course, but “someone” had to tip Kain off on what was going on, and we don’t know who that someone was.

Kain - An unlikely option, given he was one of the earliest victims, but still possible since he’s the one who gave Yuuki the intel.

Kaito - With the return of Maria, the first of the two anti-Zeki characters, it’s not a stretch to imagine Kaito might return as well to be a foil to Zero, especially if in the interim between Night 93 and VKM 14 Kaito was attacked and turned by a pureblood. Kaito has a distinct animus against vampires and purebloods, and he is not supportive of Zero’s relationship with Yuuki. There’s also a scene in Night 93 of Kaito watching over Zero hugging Yuuki which might feed into this possibility. Hino hasn’t shown us what happened to Kaito for a reason, and what that reason is may be relevant to this new plotline.

Other random purebloods/nobles/level cs/humans/hunters - The Vampire KIng mastermind could certainly be someone we’ve never met yet. I would be disappointed if this were the case, but it’s entirely possible. Who knows who or why this group has been cobbled together. 

So as is evident, we have quite a bit of potential for who the Vampire King culprit is. Hopefully the next few chapters will give us some new information, but for now we can enjoy the speculation. ;)

A Breath of Fresh Air

Mimi is a complete delight this chapter. She brings back some much-needed humor in a natural way. She’s not enabling Yuuki or interested in babying her. She’s dumb, but has a sharp intuition, if pointed incorrectly. Hino’s incessant need for comedy plays off well with this character, in a way it didn’t with Ai. As someone who is uninvolved in all the drama of Kaname’s interference in everyone’s lives from the previous series, Mimi has a refreshing outlook that helps break the story away from the bleak shadow Kaname cast over all the characters.

I love Mimi’s assessment of Zero. It tickles me pink that she thinks he’s a cheater and off wooing all the ladies and that he “seduced” Yuuki. This just shows how off-base she is, but I do believe she is picking up on his dissatisfaction with his current relationship, and is just reflecting it back to Yuuki in her own unique way. What I love about her perception of Zero is that she has no idea that in reality he never even tried to steal Yuuki--Yuuki chose him, Yuuki latched onto him, and Yuuki wouldn’t let go of him. The only “seducing” Zero ever did was simply be a hurt and fragile boy who stood in front of Yuuki on a dark night. The rest was all Yuuki. But of course Mimi wouldn’t know any of this, so it’s cute to see her misread the situation. ;) It also is a nice reminder of how charming, handsome, and attractive Zero is--that he is a catch and one who rightfully should have his pick of the ladies, even if Hino won’t give that to him because, well, they’d clearly outshine our “heroine,” who wouldn’t be able to compete with a proper rival. =P

I also love that Mimi has no reverence for Yuuki at all, despite dubbing her “Yuuki-sama.” She also cuts through Yuuki’s bullcrap in a way none of the other characters seem capable of in recent chapters. She honestly is a better friend to Yuuki in this single chapter than Yori was in the past 13--and I don’t mean better as in better person, but simply better in the fact that real friends don’t enable bad behavior for an entire lifetime, and Yori enabled Yuuki whereas Mimi reminds her to stop moping and dwelling and just do what she thinks is right. It’s so refreshing, and I’d love to keep this girl around for a while. 

Her simple foolishness is charming and fun in a way Yuuki’s false obliviousness is not anymore, and it acts as a good contrast to Yuuki’s fake attempts at playing such a character. With Mimi around, even more than when Ai was near, Yuuki is forced to step into the adult role she’s meant to have and stop playing the eternal child who doesn’t know her adult responsibilities. All I can do is tip my hat to Mimi and thank her for channeling the true spirit of the Eternal Fool, the very person who lights the way for heroes to become heroes. All heroes step through the Fool’s Way first, and it’s long past time for Yuuki to get her own journey started. If Mimi can light the way for her, I’d be quite pleased.

Welcome Home

I won’t cover Maria as a potential suspect in this section, but I do want to talk about her role as a character and why she has returned at this time to the story. This section will assume Maria is not a suspect, but even if she is, her function in this chapter doesn’t change all that much, it just gains additional layers. Assuming she’s innocent, though, she still brings some interesting and much-needed layers to the table.

Maria is an active foil to Yuuki this chapter. In many ways, she is Yuuki’s superior and is closer to living as Yuuki’s “ideal” than Yuuki is, and this is a factor that I feel is not lost on Yuuki. Here are the ways that I feel Maria is acting more heroically than Yuuki this chapter:

Maria finds out on her own about the terrorist attack using her own intelligence-gathering abilities. (Assuming she is innocent of being part of the Vampire King plot, of course.) Yuuki, on the other hand, is sitting on her thumbs at home and the information has to be brought to her. Maria is active, Yuuki passive.

Maria is acting in the memory of her beloved and without his direct involvement and without any direct recognition from anyone. Yuuki only acts when she feels social pressure to do something, because it looks good in front of her friends.

Maria helps form and collect the members of the vigilante group. Yuuki sneaks around and drags uninvolved parties into danger. 

Maria takes action despite the risks to her. Yuuki remains passive and uninvolved despite having immense power and political clout.

Maria is honest and forthright about her reasons for stepping in. Yuuki is cagey and unable to articulate why she is doing what she’s doing. 

Maria’s activities bring the sincere admiration of Zero, while Yuuki’s bring only his irritation and concern. 

Maria responds to Zero openly and sincerely, while Yuuki remains unable to express her true feelings honestly, despite knowing she should follow Ruka’s example.

Maria is acting out of a sincere desire to help, Yuuki to get attention and show off. 

Again, the points above are assuming Maria is not a suspect. If she’s a suspect, some of the sincerity of her actions is diminished, but her role as a foil to Yuuki still remains intact because Yuuki believes she’s sincere.

I was chatting with @vampireknightmeta about why Maria comes across to me as sincere this chapter and why Yuuki doesn’t, and she brought up a brilliant point about the difference between the two (and the difference between Zero and Yuuki). I felt her point was very relevant and explains the difference well: Yuuki is the type of person who deep down knows that her natural inclination is not to do the right thing, and so tries to “act” like a good person. Maria (if she’s not acting duplicitously as a member of the Vampire King group) and Zero are the type of people who instinctively do the right thing because they are good people. They don’t have to act like good people, they are. This isn’t to say Yuuki isn’t a good person or doesn’t have the potential to be a good person--rather, it’s the difference between a person who follows laws because they’re “afraid” of the consequences of breaking them (and who, if there were no consequences, would do the acts that the laws warn against) and a person who follows laws because they genuinely believe the laws are good and are of benefit to themselves and others (and even if the laws never existed would choose to follow them on principle). The outcome is the same--both types of people follow the laws and would be viewed as “good” and “innocent” by bystanders looking in, but in their hearts the two are very different--one type is genuinely good and altruistic, the other is not but wishes they were. 

I do believe Hino is trying to help Yuuki grow into such a person, a person who--although she is fully capable of great evil and great caprice--deliberately chooses not to be because in her core she truly has embraced altruism and genuine love. This hearkens back to VKM 3, where Yuuki talks about the seed of desire and her fears about it. Yuuki has never truly faced herself and the darkness within herself and the darkness she’s capable of creating, and because she hasn’t incorporated her shadow, she can’t actualize her full potential as a person the way Zero and (potentially) Maria can. Until you face your shadow, you don’t really know who you are, and I believe Maria’s return to the story (assuming she’s not part of the Vampire King plot, or even if she is) is meant to help Yuuki identify where she’s failing as a person, and why her relationships never unfold correctly. Maria’s role is always to help Yuuki course-correct, and I believe she is reprising that again this time. She represents a woman who isn’t relying on a man as a crutch, but who is using a past love as inspiration for moving forward, a direct contrast to Yuuki who is both using one man as a crutch and using a past relationship as a reason not to move forward. 

By using Maria as a foil, Yuuki’s flaws as a heroine come into stark relief, and we can see more clearly where she needs to go and what she needs to do in order to achieve the happiness that surely she desires somewhere, deep down inside. 

Closer to Shadow than Light

I’m feeling pretty darn ambivalent about Yuuki this chapter, and this section will reflect that ambivalence. There are aspects to what we saw unfold this chapter that I enjoyed and am pleased to see, and there are other things that I’m not so pleased with when I pull back to the macro level. Unfortunately they’re all kind of meshed together, so I’ll have to talk about them together. If anyone reading this is the kind of person who is defensive of Yuuki, I’d recommend just skipping this section and going to the next one. There’s a lot to deal with here, and I’m not going to be going easy on the girl.

Yuuki is more talkative and friendly this chapter than she has been in any chapter since Night 89. It almost seems like she’s had a personality transplant, honestly. She is actively trying to learn a new skill with Ruka, she opens up about herself and her feelings to Kain and Mimi, she’s more proactive and adventurous, she even openly admires and talks about Zero. It’s like we’ve been transported back in time to the Sara mini-arc, where she was running around doing her Night Class restoration thing. She treats Kain and Mimi better than she’s treated anyone since Night 89--she’s genuine and honest with both of them. While this is nice to see in general and is certainly a step forward from the lifeless doll she’s been recently, for me it feels like too little too late and makes me genuinely angry on behalf of Zero, Ai, Aidou, and Yori. Yuuki’s been dishonest and cagey with all of the people dearest to her for decades, yet all of sudden she’s now blabbing everything about herself to two people who aren’t even her friends. It’s frustrating that she’s kept this habit from her teen years, and it’s a sign of how little she’s grown in the decades since the final volume of the original series. And this is just the tip of the iceberg that is the mess that is Yuuki in VKM 14. 

When we first encounter Yuuki in this chapter, she’s in her own home having a cooking lesson with Ruka. This fact is glossed over lightly due to the scene beginning in medias res, but it brings up some interesting questions:

Why is Yuuki suddenly interested in cooking? She’s never been good at it or interested in it in her over 70 years of life.

Does Zero know about these lessons, or are they a secret?

I wouldn’t find this lesson remarkable if this was during Ai’s childhood or right before or right after Yuuki and Zero became official. But it’s arguably several months after VKM 9′s official announcement, and the timing is suspicious for Yuuki to suddenly take an interest in being domestic where before she was content to leave it to the servants/Ruka (when taking care of Ai) or leaving it to Zero. It seems too coincidental that this sudden interest in being a more attractive and useful partner comes directly on the heels of VKM 13′s final scene; we don’t know how much time has passed since then, but clearly whatever transpired afterward led to Yuuki taking a sudden keen interest in improving herself. I’ll discuss the ramifications of this more later on, but for now it’s fair to leave this as a point of interest.

We begin the scene with Kain informing Yuuki of the next potential plot of the Vampire King group--to plant bombs under the sewers of the kindergarten and daycare centers. Why this group would broadcast their plans should be the real issue for the investigators--that alone should have been a red flag that their goals weren’t the bombing itself--but that aside, Yuuki gets herself worked up into a rage over the issue of children being targets. There’s an distasteful element of hypocrisy in Yuuki’s sudden desire to protect children that bothers me deeply as a reader. Yuuki declares very forthrightly that she won’t forgive anyone who targets children. Yet this is the same woman who spared not a single moment of regret for what Rido did to her real baby brother, the real Kaname, and free-passed and ignored what Kaname’s own crime of targeting Zero and Ichiru as children. For her to run around screaming that she won’t forgive anyone who targets children now, when she’s already done such a thing in the original series, is less than convincing and is outright distasteful in my opinion. I can only hope Hino recognizes this herself and doesn’t think Yuuki’s outrage in this scene is merely a cute way to show how altruistic and kind Yuuki is--because if that’s true, then that shows that Hino (and Yuuki) both think only criminals one doesn’t know are evil, and that the criminals one does know are excusable especially if they’re romantic interests, and that is reprehensible in the most vile manner. It’s okay for Kaname to target two innocent twins for Yuuki’s sake, but it’s not okay for the Vampire King group to do the same for their own reasons. The hypocrisy is a little too thick to be ignored on this one, and I hope Hino has Yuuki get called out on this later on in VKM. 

On top of this, Yuuki’s outrage is rather out of proportion to the threat, especially with so many good people (including the man she supposedly cares about) on the case. It’s clear something more is going on beneath the surface than concern over the safety of children. Even Ruka, who is one of the most maternal characters in the story besides Yori, has a much more reasonable reaction to the news--she calls the perpetrators out for being despicable, but doesn’t let it steal her chill. Yuuki flies off the handle melodramatically and is rightfully stopped by Kain--she’s out of control, and her involvement isn’t going to help matters. Ruka’s solution works out well for Yuuki, but it read more to me like an adult stepping in to keep the peace rather than a genuine compromise. Still, Yuuki trying to be proactive is better than Yuuki sitting on her thumbs, so baby steps I suppose. The most damning news, and likely the real reason why Yuuki wants to get involved, is because Zero didn’t tell her this was going on and concealed it from her. She’s upset that he’s not involving her in the case, but also knows she has no right to get her nose out of joint because it’s his job. Sneaking in and sniffing around gives her an excuse to keep an eye on him. Trying to protect children is most likely a cover up for her real reasons for going. Yuuki always tries to look good in front of others to hide her real motives; typical pureblood activity.

This scene with Ruka and Kain isn’t just to establish Yuuki’s reasons for trespassing into Zero’s territory; it’s also meant to serve as a mirror, with Ruka and Kain’s relationship reflecting Zero and Yuuki’s. Remember, Ruka and Kain are a settling relationship, the one Zero and Yuuki should be if Yuuki genuinely loved Kaname and is just moving on with Zero as her second best option. If Ruka and Kain, who are a settlement pairing, are shown in a more positive light than Yuuki and Zero, it should serve as a red flag to a careful reader. 

And that’s exactly what Hino does with this section--Ruka, the woman who settled for Kain, is shown behaving like a proper wife to him. She gets upset when he dismisses the importance of their time together as a married couple, she encourages him to do his best at his work, she expresses her explicit faith in and admiration for his abilities, and then she sends him off to do his duty while going about her day, having absolute confidence that he’ll return to her in the end. This woman, a woman who held favor for Kaname for nearly as long as Yuuki, is capable of being such a wife to a man she settled for, a man she clearly cares deeply about but who wasn’t her first choice. If Yuuki’s issues with Zero are simply her failure to move on from Kaname, she should be more like Ruka, not less.

Instead, Hino casts Yuuki unfavorably in contrast to Ruka. Unlike Ruka, Yuuki has no faith in Zero as a partner. Though she does admire him behind closed doors, she never openly speaks of her pride in him when he’s present, as Ruka does to Kain. She doesn’t appreciate his hard work or his efforts, she doesn’t nag him for time together, she doesn’t support his endeavors. Instead she frets over his safety and looks down on him because he’s not immortal like she is. She doesn’t trust that he’ll return to her, as she admits to Mimi later on in the chapter. Where did all this fear and distrust come from? It certainly didn’t come from the original series, at least not before she herself destroyed their bond in Night 88--she held a deep trust for Zero before then and didn’t fear for him during the Sara arc. In fact, she even said as much openly to him back then--she “wasn’t worried about him” even as she sent him to drink Sara’s blood. That same girl now has no faith in this man at all, despite all he’s done in the meantime. Something has gone terribly wrong, and from her conversations with both Kain and Mimi, she knows it too, even if she’s unwilling to face why. 

Yuuki has her first semi-breakdown around Kain in this chapter, but she’ll break down around Mimi as well. She admits that she’s all scrambled, because she knows she should be more like Ruka but can’t quite get herself to that point. Instead of taking the time to sort herself out, she focuses on irrelevant things that won’t solve the real problems--such as interfering with Zero’s investigation. She basically says that rather than deal with the snakes in the garden, she’d rather go out and hunt the wolves howling outside the walls. This section reveals her real intentions for going out on this case--she’s not interested in protecting the children, but in preventing Zero from being involved. This mindset, as her own narration implies, will come back to bite her in the future. From some point in the future, she admits that during this period all she could do was eliminate the immediate fires, rather than preemptively planning for them. 

What’s interesting about the way Hino frames this discussion with Kain (if it can even be called a discussion; it’s more like Yuuki talking to herself in front of Kain), is that Kain is clearly uncomfortable with Yuuki suddenly blabbing to him about her inner worries. This tells the reader a few things: 

Yuuki and Kain are not normally close enough for these kinds of conversations to be normal.

Yuuki’s starting to crack under some kind of internal pressure to the point where she’s talking to people she normally doesn’t talk to. 

Notice she doesn’t talk to Ruka about her worries, despite the fact that Ruka is a far better option for this sort of discussion than Kain. In the past, she did the same thing to Yori--when Yori tried to ask her about herself, she’d clam up (as she does in VKM 13.5) or deflect. Yuuki hasn’t talked about herself openly in decades, and so for her to start blathering her true thoughts now, well, that can only imply something...unusual...has triggered this sudden need to talk to everyone who’s not involved with Zero. 

She does another thing that’s rather interesting during this whole scene with Ruka and Kain--she brings Zero up when no one else brought him up. Kain never once mentions Zero, only the hunters in general. Yuuki brings him up twice on her own when no one asked her to. This also implies that whatever it is that’s spurring her into action, it’s related to him and nothing else. Coming on the heels of VKM 13, I smell a rat that’ll need to be buried in future chapters. 

This all would be more than enough to chew on if the chapter ended there, but there’s still more to unpack once Yuuki gets herself into the sewers. She’s joined by Mimi, the culprit of the attack on Yori in VKM 6, who has “reformed” (so she says) thanks to Yuuki’s intervention. Mimi’s a charming girl, and she brings some of Yuuki’s flaws and failures as a person into stark relief for anyone with a knowledge of the original series. 

The first thing we find out about Mimi is that Yuuki’s helped her get her life back together after her crimes, and Mimi’s grateful to her. Yuuki flat out tells Mimi that the only reason she helped Mimi was to keep her from returning to her criminal ways. When Mimi acts like she probably hasn’t, Yuuki asks her if she’s really gotten her act together. 

While this is a cute scene on the surface, and if this was any other character (Zero, Aidou, Yori, or Ai, for example) who helped Mimi, it would be just a funny character-building scene for Mimi; unfortunately Yuuki’s past history with a certain other criminal highlights another aspect of her hypocrisy this chapter: she judges Mimi for her unlawful actions, but she refuses to hold Kaname accountable for his--instead she blames herself, rather than Kaname, for his crimes in order to excuse him and absolve him of them. For her to judge Mimi, whose crimes are much lower on the scale of criminality than the man who fathered her first child, is a pretty classless and hypocritical move as far as I’m concerned. I’m sure Hino just meant this scene to be a cute example of Yuuki helping people, but it was a fairly tasteless choice in my opinion. As I said earlier in the Kain section, I can only hope Hino knows how tasteless this is going to come across and accounts for it with a reckoning later.

While Mimi herself is adorable, Yuuki is fairly gruff and curt with her in the first part of their scene together; it’s clear she doesn’t like Mimi and finds her to be useless at best, irritating at worst. Mimi’s worth as a character won’t appear until later, but we can already start seeing the role she’s going to play for Yuuki in the upcoming chapters: she’s taking Aidou’s place, since Aidou is now a serious character who can’t play the fool for Yuuki, while Zero is gone from Yuuki’s side. Mimi is here to point out the things Yuuki won’t say, and to hint at resolutions to the things Yuuki is running from, just as Aidou was before her during the second arc of the original series.

When Yuuki realizes Zero is one of the three people she’s sensing in the tunnels, she aborts her mission rapidly--her hope to capture the culprits before Zero gets involved is immediately quashed. She tries to backpedal before Zero notices her, but of course no one escapes the greatest hunter who ever lived, and certainly not two girls as blockheaded as Yuuki and Mimi. But the mere fact that Yuuki tries to avoid Zero highlights a few issues right away:

Yuuki doesn’t want Zero to know she’s there.

Yuuki didn’t tell Zero she’d be there.

Yuuki knows she shouldn’t be there. 

Interestingly, earlier on in the scene with Mimi, Mimi mentioned that running into the association members is what she really doesn’t want to do, likely because they’re the most dangerous for vampires. Yuuki carefully ignores her comment, but we see here that Yuuki had the same intention, if for very different reasons. 

Hino uses screentones to show Zero’s none-too-happy about the appearance of his pseudo-girlfriend in the tunnels. He and Yuuki look like they’re about to get into it, but then Mimi distracts Yuuki by insulting Zero, which pisses Yuuki off. Any ensuing argument is cut short by the sudden appearance of Maria, who Yuuki clearly hasn’t seen in a while. The two teams chat for a bit, and Yuuki grows increasingly tense the longer the discussion goes on.

As I mentioned earlier in the Maria section, Maria is another foil for Yuuki, much as Ruka is, in this chapter. Beyond being a general foil, she highlights some of Yuuki’s deep insecurities specifically about Zero. Yuuki’s jealousy in this chapter, while funny on the surface, actually serves to highlight some of the true sources of her real fears about Zero, the ones she conceals behind fear for his safety, which is a more appropriate fear than her real ones. The first moment that worries Yuuki is when Zero openly admires Maria for doing something brave that is out of character for her. Zero then tells Yuuki about information he learned from Maria, implying that he and Maria have a “world” together that Yuuki’s not a part of (of course, this only because Zero just ran into Maria, so this is just Yuuki’s perception, and Zero’s being very upfront and honest). 

Yuuki watches (as does Mimi) this little world Zero and Maria are creating between them and becomes increasingly anxious with each moment. Mimi serves to highlight this for the reader, because Yuuki’s unwilling to let her true feelings be known other than some leaky facial expressions. Zero makes a comment showing he resents Yuuki hesitating about whether or not he’s cheating (the guy has waited patiently at least 70 years for this girl to have a real relationship with him; he’s no cheater and she shouldn’t be fretting over that--it’s insulting to him), and Maria quickly steps in to try to resolve the issue. Of course, the manner in which she does it just digs the hole further--she elicits a gentle response from Zero that continues to create a “world” around them that Yuuki isn’t a part of. 

Maria’s interactions with Zero establish a few things for Yuuki:

Zero honestly compliments Maria, yet he doesn’t compliment Yuuki or appreciate her efforts.

Zero respects Maria, yet he doesn’t seem to respect Yuuki.

Zero openly shows affection for Maria, but not Yuuki.

Maria is open and honest with her feelings for Ichiru and Zero, while Yuuki remains closed.

Zero relies on Maria, but not on Yuuki.

Yuuki is diminished standing next to Maria; her efforts to be helpful all pale in comparison to Maria’s. Zero’s admiration and affection and attention are all directed toward Maria; Yuuki is an irritation and an afterthought to him (from Yuuki’s perspective, though of course that’s likely not true in reality). Zero is warm and affectionate and openly speaks about his beloved brother with Maria. The reality of all of this makes Yuuki surly, and she brushes Zero off with a curt goodbye rather than wishing him well as Ruka wished Kain earlier. Even now, Yuuki’s still failing to fully take her place at Zero’s side. 

Maria stands as a symbol of what Yuuki should be: a woman who openly speaks of her affection for the ones she loves and who acts to protect not only the ones she loves but all the things she holds dear. Yet Yuuki’s failing to do any of this, and this is why Maria receives the reward Yuuki wants--Zero’s affection, respect, and admiration. But Yuuki hasn’t done anything to earn those things from Zero, and we’ll see this continues to be true even to the very end of the chapter. 

Before I leave this section, I just wanted to mention one thing I found incredibly irritating about Yuuki’s reaction in this section. Yuuki’s spent 70 years moping over a guy who is “dead” in name only by Zero’s and Yuuki’s own choice in VKM 8; Zero’s spent the same amount of time silently holding his own losses in his heart without complaint. The reason Zero is affectionate and kind to Maria in this chapter is because of her connection to his own loved one, and he actually has a chance to talk about his loved one with another person who loved him, unlike Yuuki. Yuuki can’t even handle this much; she’s too busy focusing on herself to see how good this is for Zero, how healing it is for him, and how much he’s needed this. Yet, she gets to mope about Kaname and talk about Kaname to her daughter and all Kaname’s friends and Zero, but can’t even afford a single tiny conversation about Zero’s brother to Zero because *egads* Maria has feelings for Zero and Zero might find a girl who lets him talk about his interests more attractive than a girl who whines to him about his mortal enemy in nearly every conversation for the past however many decades. It’s absolutely preposterous and honestly I hope Yuuki pulls her head out of her rear sooner rather than later because I’m getting hellaciously tired of her narcissistic naval gazing.

That aside, we come to the most revealing part of the chapter--after this new stress on her psyche, Yuuki breaks down to talk to yet another person she’s not close to, because apparently that’s how Yuuki works through things. She admits to Mimi that she knows her fears for Zero’s safety are potentially overblown, but that she can’t seem to have faith that he’ll return to her. Mimi, being a bit dumb but a good girl at heart, thinks the solution is as simple as Yuuki just letting go and having faith, rather than focusing on her anxiety. But obviously Yuuki’s anxieties aren’t about Zero dying--oh, no, they’re about him leaving. Yuuki clearly is aware she’s not the best girlfriend and that there are other women who are superior to her, and that if she doesn’t take action soon, after VKM 13, Zero might actually start to consider at other opportunities that are definitely out there. Maria clearly still is an option, Yuuki’s own daughter is an option, and we know from VKM 5 that Zero has had other opportunities. This is the first positive sign that Zero’s outburst in VKM 13 has made Yuuki realize not all is well with him, and that the status quo is no longer good enough to lead him on into the future. Her “restart” plan is starting to fail, and she has to figure out why. This is the real reason she’s talking to random people like Kain and Mimi, rather than her friends or Zero--she doesn’t want anyone to know how bad things have gotten, or how close she senses Zero is of realizing he doesn’t need her or her Kaname baggage anymore. 

She clinches this with a thought that Zero smiled for Maria. That means Zero hasn’t smiled for her in a loooooong time if she is struck by his basic polite smile to Maria. He probably hasn’t smiled since Ai grew up, as we see in VKM 10 that Yuuki loves his smile for Ai and thinks that things are well because of it. But Yuuki doesn’t make him smile, and rightly so--she’s honestly a terrible girlfriend, and worse--a terrible friend. She can’t even do friendship properly with Zero anymore, much less the relationship and intimacy he clearly needs. For her to get envious over Zero smiling politely and even a bit fondly at another girl, she has to have robbed him of his smile for so long that even that sad sorry state of a smile seems brilliant to her. It’s pathetic, but perhaps it’s the wake up call she needs to get her act together. 

Sadly, we don’t get any more reflection from her because of course Mimi just has to step on a landmine, and Yuuki follows suit. This yet again highlights the fact that Yuuki can’t seem to do a single thing right and always needs Zero to save her--far from saving him, he’s the one saving her. Mimi wonders if Yuuki will save her, to which Yuuki replies in the affirmative. But in Yuuki’s mind, her first instinct is to panic--rather than immediately dealing with the threat and expelling Mimi herself, she stands frozen, trapped in thought, until she senses Zero coming for her.

Despite my complaints about Yuuki in this chapter, this section is my favorite. Her fear and her love for Zero are actually palpable in this scene, more than we’ve seen since Night 88. She actually seems to care about Zero’s wellbeing here, which is more than could be said about her in previous chapters. Unfortunately, her care for his wellbeing has a darker underbelly--she stands around wasting time yelling at him rather than being useful and dealing with the threat before he gets there. 

Mimi is clearly in danger (the bombs could actually kill her, unlike Yuuki), and rather than immediately getting Mimi out of the blast zone (the way Yuuki will do as soon as Zero arrives), she stands around shouting at Zero like a spoiled child. Their bombs could go off at any minute if Mimi or Yuuki moves at all, yet Yuuki’s wasting time yelling at someone who isn’t even at her side yet or in danger. Clearly it doesn’t matter to her if Mimi’s head gets blown off, so long as she “proves” that she can protect Zero. It’s foolish and stupid, and it just goes to show how much growing Yuuki needs to do and how useless she is unless she has Zero as a crutch. 

When Zero reaches her side, instead of thanking him for coming (because, as always, his presence calms her mind and helps her focus), she goes all tsuntsun on him and snaps that she was going to deal with it herself. But she clearly wasn’t dealing with it--she was panicking and frozen and wasting time yelling at him and spinning her useless brains instead of focusing and doing something. She comes across not as a capable woman who is a good partner to Zero but rather as a petulant child who was testing Zero to see if he’d come running for her despite her protests. And as she surely knew, he came running to her side to save her, abandoning Maria in the process despite Yuuki playing the “bigger person” and telling him to stay by Maria’s side. If she were truly the capable woman she wants to pretend she is, she’d have already begun dealing with the bomb before he arrived to support her--that would have earned his admiration and praise. Instead, she’s uselessly standing around until he’s at her side, and then suddenly her brains work. Magical.

I do want to stress that it’s not at all that I truly believe Yuuki isn’t capable of courage, bravery, and being a useful member of the team. It’s the very fact that I know full well she’s capable of great courage and bravery (the Rido arc, the Sara arc) that makes her behavior this chapter so grating on my thinning patience. That’s the very reason why her behavior is so frustrating here--as soon as Zero is at her side, she instantaneously transforms into the capable woman she’s always been. She gets Mimi out of danger and starts dealing with containing the blast. If she’d just do this and trust Zero to support her and back her up, she’d find she likes herself a lot more, I think. That’s how they’ve always worked together, and for her to forget that after all these years shows how far she’s fallen. 

There’s a weird moment when they’re bickering with each other where he touches her arm and her eyes go wide with shock. This to me says they’re really on the rocks if she’s shocked that he’s touching her. Their bickering itself only reveals surface-level issues which by now I think is clear aren’t their real issues. Yuuki does reveal she resents Zero not telling her about the investigation, so likely she’s upset that he’s not wanting her as a partner in crime anymore. But given how reckless and unreliable she is, and how for a long time she made them do things separately due to their bench agreement, it’s hard to blame him for not being a mind reader and knowing she wanted back in on the action. Really she’s just being unreasonable, and she knows it. 

Of course, Zero then disappears before they can work through anything. Whether he’s been kidnapped or he disappeared of his own volition remains to be seen, but whatever is about to happen is surely to test Yuuki at last. It’s time for her to face being alone without a man to use as a crutch--no Kaname, no Zero, no Aidou. She might even grow from the experience. Wouldn’t that be something extraordinary? 

The thing that bothers me a bit about how Hino’s handling Yuuki this chapter is that this sudden “action heroine Yuuki” is too little, too late. Yuuki’s failed as an action heroine since the second arc of the original series began. This girl spends more time sitting on her rear than she does helping anyone in this story or doing anything useful. Most of her “activities” are pointless and result in no lasting consequences. It’s honestly laughable that Hino wants to try to go back to the Yuuki who stood against Kaname and Rido at the end of the first arc of the original series, but we’ll see. Maybe she’ll surprise me. I doubt it though.

The Solitary Sun

The flip side of Yuuki this chapter is Zero. While Yuuki’s thoughts are laid bare for us to see, Zero’s are, as I predicted, hidden. No surprise there, because Hino probably doesn’t want any Zeki fans to run away, and a peek in Zero’s head would probably send the remaining readers bolting for the hills. Better to stick with Yuuki for now.

However, we have enough clues to theorize where Zero’s headspace potentially is this chapter. We learn that he’s actively hiding intel from Yuuki, including information about the vigilante groups, which Maria (her rival) is a part of. While the likelihood of him cheating is low, this does demonstrate a lack of reciprocal trust in Yuuki’s maturity and judgment.

It’s likely that Zero’s concealing of intelligence from Yuuki is partially motivated by the outcome of VKM 13. There are a few hints that he’s still unhappy about the unresolved issues from VKM 13--he becomes angry with Yuuki the minute he sees her in the tunnels (inappropriately so; despite Hino trying to play it off as a comedic moment, there’s really no reason for him to be that angry at an immortal woman taking part in vigilante activity), and he’s the first one to bring up Yuuki’s VKM 13 request that he not die during their bickering fest as they disarm the bomb.

Given that Yuuki wanted to avoid him this chapter and he’s displeased to see her, this implies he’s at the very least been stewing on VKM 13 for an indeterminate amount of time, even if he hasn’t yet taken any action or made any decision about them as a couple yet as a result of it. It does appear that publicly he’s still holding his position in their relationship--he’s openly bothered by her pause before she rejects the idea of him cheating, and he openly calls her the woman he loves during the bomb disarming. However, these also may be signs that internally he’s starting to wonder about their relationship and is over-emphasizing it in order to keep legitimizing it. His doubts may be crumbling the foundation of the relationship beneath his feet faster than he can rebuild. Not once in all of VKM has Zero called Yuuki the woman he loves. For him to be saying this now, on the heels of VKM 13, strikes me as a red flag, and not of the “Zero’s about to be kidnapped” foreshadowing flavor. If Zero’s pulling out all the stops and openly declaring his feelings before he’s happy with Yuuki, we’re at the end of the line. This strikes me as the last desperate push to make things right before they all fall apart and he has to at last admit the experiment was a failure. But we’ll see. The kidnapping might give him a reprieve. 

I don’t have any evidence for this, but his behavior with Maria vs. Yuki this chapter brought up some questions for me. He openly admires Maria’s courage, despite her actions being against her regular character. Yet when Yuuki does the same thing, he doesn’t admire her actions or her attempts at bravery--he doesn’t encourage her, as he does Maria. I’m not sure if he’s doing this deliberately or if he’s just tired of Yuuki in general and thus can no longer be a supportive figure in her life. I think what he admires about Maria too is that she’s putting her life on the line in a genuine way, a way Yuuki can’t do because she’s a pureblood and thus doesn’t have to fear those things anymore. That’s something Zero may deep down wish he still had--the ability to walk the same lifespan with Yuuki, and to take risks together with her, as opposed to being the only truly vulnerable one of the two of them.

I also was struck by how he handled the moment when Maria was explaining how she had to insist he abandon her. Zero’s obviously a kind person, but it was a surprisingly manipulative move on his part to express his concern in the manner he did in front of Yuuki. It reminded me a little of an insecure man slyly trying to make his girlfriend jealous more than a sincere question. The rest of his interactions with Maria felt platonic and sincere to me, but that particular moment struck me as odd. 

Overall, in the initial scene with Maria, Zero doesn’t give Yuuki much warmth at all. Mimi even picks up on it, though she immediately assumes he’s cheating (in other words, she misreads the energy, but the energy does exist). He’s deliberately warm and supportive to Maria. This might be genuine, or it might be manipulative on his part, I’m honestly not sure yet. A Zero who is capable of what he did in VKM 13 is a different Zero than i’m used to, and so he may have some new snakes in his heart than before. Hence, he might be capable of new behaviors that he wasn’t capable of previously. If Zero is sincere in his admiration of Maria, it shows that he can tell the difference between her efforts and Yuuki’s. He knows exactly what Yuuki’s up to (spying on him and snooping), but Maria (as far as he’s aware, of course) seems to be genuinely working toward a higher cause, which Zero admires.

That also says something about the state of how Zero feels about Yuuki that is truly heartbreaking for me. Zero used to admire her straight-forward gaze and her inner courage and strength and kindness throughout all of the original series. For him to now be at a point where he’s not even acknowledging what she’s trying to accomplish, that leads me to only two conclusions: 1.) he doesn’t believe her sincerity due to his suspicions about her true motives, or 2.) he’s so angry with her he can’t appreciate her right now. It could also be a combination of the two, which is particularly unfortunate. 

The other thing I feel is lurking under the surface in Zero’s interaction with Yuuki this chapter is a sense that he feels resentful of her inability to trust him. He wants her to have faith in him and his abilities, as she once did when they worked together in the original series. I think he resents (on multiple levels) her obsession with his death--she’s not appreciating his life and is myopically focusing on something that may or may not come to pass. This comes out in his deep frustration with her at the end of the chapter; he hates the idea of being her damsel in distress that she has to rescue simply because she happens to be the longer-lived of the two of them. He still has his pride as a man and wants to protect her with his own skill, even if she’s technically stronger than him.

Some of this comes back to what I feel his true issues are lurking deep beneath the surface, which I mentioned in my review of VKM 13. His real issues center on a deep insecurity about his place in her heart versus Kaname. Kaname, on the surface, is a far better partner for her--he’s immortal, like she is, he’s older than she is, he’s more mature than she is. Zero is all these things as well, but he’s not “immortal,” only long-lived. If Zero is beginning to fear that Kaname (and Kaname’s lifespan) is what’s really at the center of Yuuki’s “fears” about Zero’s lifespan, then his outburst at the end of VKM 14 may be due more to his own insecurities than any genuine fear about the trouble Yuuki might get herself into. Of course, he loves her, so he doesn’t want her to suffer, but if he had faith in her (as he wants her to have faith in him), he’d know she could get herself out of any scrape she got herself into. So this to me indicates he’s really worried about something else, and that her “arms getting blown off” is more of an excuse than the real reason. 

I want to do a write up on this separately at some point, but for a long time now (since before the original series ended), I’ve had this sense that Zero is the real shoujo heroine of this story, and that the traditional “character roles” have been gender-reversed. This chapter added fuel to that suspicion, because normally the shoujo heroine is the one who gets kidnapped so the hero can come valiantly rescue her. However, I don’t think this particular kidnapping is going to play out that way--honestly I still believe this kidnapping is meant to isolate Zero so a deal can be struck with him; I don’t think Hino wants him to be seen as the damsel in distress. But with everyone targeting him in particular, and with the purebloods wanting him in the past, and with him being labeled as special far more than Yuuki ever was or has been, the chips are stacking in his favor that he’s the “real” shoujo heroine of this story, and thus many of the heroine character beats are going to him rather than to Yuuki. This makes for a difficult road for Yuuki as a heroine, because she’s not traversing the masculine beats very well--she’s just not capable enough. The Hooded Woman was a much better character for those sorts of beats, but Yuuki’s just too damaged, fragile, and flawed to play them out correctly. We’ll see how it unfolds, but for now I’ll keep mulling this over. 

Ships Passing in the Night

I don’t want to talk too much about Zeki as a couple, simply because they’re in a very frustrating spot and I’ve already labored over them enough separately. However, I do want to point out a few things about their situation together this chapter that struck me.

First is that I think it’s fairly clear that underpinning the whole chapter is VKM 13, which indicates a lack of resolution on the part of that chapter. I think it’s safe to say that nothing was resolved between them, and that Zero’s words to Yuuki (that her fear was her own curse on herself, rather than anything legitimate) hit home to her, while Zero is confirmed to not be buying any of the snake oil she’s selling with her “fears” for his life. We can see this in how they both behave in the chapter:

Zero’s behavior: 

Zero’s the easiest, because the best way to prove he didn’t buy what Yuuki was selling in VKM 13 is to look at his behavior. If he’d bought into her fears as legitimate, he’d be doing a couple things this chapter that we don’t see: 

He’d have told her what was going on with the investigation.

He’d have asked for her help in securing the scene of the crime.

He’d be making sure she was emotionally okay with the idea of him doing his job.

He’d be kinder to her for sneaking around to check up on him.

He would be taking precautions to ease her worries.

Zero does none of this in VKM 14. Instead he:

Hides what he knows about the investigation from her.

Gets outright angry when he finds her in the tunnels.

Is not taking any precautions to protect himself, and is instead protecting other people.

Throws her “curse” and her “worry” in her face in the middle of their bomb disarmament.

Flat out rejects her worries by pointing out that he hates the idea of her getting her body parts blown off, implicitly admitting that he’d rather die than witness that.

This all points to Zero not buying what Yuuki was selling in VKM 13, which I think puts to rest the idea that his “behavior” in VKM 13 was in any way shape or form genuinely a response to her fears and a “taking on” of her fears--he was mocking her then and taking out his frustrations on her, not “empathizing” with her or giving her what she wanted. If he genuinely felt her fears were legitimate, he’d be taking them into consideration in this chapter. I feel the case is closed on that at this time; now all we have to wait for is to find out what he was really upset about in that chapter, because now we know he was upset about something unrelated to her preposterous anxieties.

Yuuki’s behavior:

Yuuki’s behavior this chapter implies the opposite of Zero’s, another point in favor of Zero’s accusation that her curse was her own and not legitimate during VKM 13. If she felt her behavior in VKM 13 was legitimate and that her fears were legitimate, we should see some different outcomes from her this chapter:

She would be angry at Zero for getting involved in another case despite her fears. She would be upset with him for not taking her feelings into consideration. (Ironically, this is why she comments to Kain that she should be “worried” like Ruka--the fact is, she isn’t worried for his safety; her fears have nothing to do with whether he’ll get blown up or hurt or killed--they’re about something she’s not willing to face.)

She would be hunting Zero down in the tunnels openly to yell at him and drag him off the case.

She would immediately deal with the bomb herself without shouting at Zero when she and Mimi step on it, because that would prevent him (and Mimi) from being in the blast zone if she handled it promptly. 

Instead of this, what we get is the following:

Yuuki suddenly wants to improve her cooking skills! (That’s a bit of an odd reaction to fearing for your man’s life.)

Yuuki has a sudden “need” to be part of the investigation just because she overhears what the target is, when she wasn’t interested before other than in passing. 

Yuuki suddenly starts talking to random people about her issues, as if she realized she needs to work through them and get to the bottom of them. (She even flat out admits she’s a mess and can’t work through that mess easily.) This alone confirms she knows she’s full of horse manure and that Zero was right when he called her out in VKM 13.

She immediately has anxieties about Zero and Maria, despite all she and Zero have been through since the original series. Her anxieties aren’t even about Maria--they’re about Zero! 

She envies Zero smiling at Maria! If her true issue was his safety, who he smiles at shouldn’t bug her in the slightest because she has a good relationship with him and is being genuine and sincere with him.

She admits to Mimi that she doesn’t even have faith he’ll come back to her. This is not about him dying--this is about him leaving her. 

We see from Yuuki’s actions this chapter the first true hints (which her actions in VKM 12 support) that she’s afraid Zero is finally fed up and is thinking of leaving. That all she’s done to string him along and “keep” him is no longer enough--her blood’s not enough, sleeping in bed holding hands isn’t enough, being “platonic friends” isn’t enough. He has finally hit the end of the road with her “I won’t let you go but I won’t do anything with you” declaration in VKM 9. 

What she’s afraid of isn’t Maria per se--Zero isn’t going to leave her for Maria. But what about some other girl she doesn’t know about? There are thousands of women for Zero to choose from--thousands who, like Maria, would openly appreciate him and react warmly to his advances rather than shutting him out and clinging on to the memory of a man who hurt him deeply. Yuuki’s real fear isn’t that he’ll die--it’s that he’ll live, but not with her. 

Yet for her to keep Zero, she has to “clean up the mess,” which she herself admits is “hard.” So instead of doing the real work of dealing with her own issues, she goes off to play investigator and spy on Zero and play “hero” when she has no right to. Basically, this kidnapping is quite good for her, in my estimation, because it means she’ll have to start facing those things she doesn’t want to face--the real reasons Zero is unhappy with her and their relationship isn’t progressing. What’ll come of that is anyone’s guess at this point.

Zero and Yuuki’s mutual issues from VKM 13 bleed into their teamwork this chapter--although they still work together well, it’s not seamless like in their younger days. Yuuki trying to test Zero doesn’t help much, either--your partner isn’t going to respect you if you’re testing their loyalty when you yourself have been disloyal for 70 years. Seriously, why is Yuuki always one step forward, fifty back, I have no idea. It’s very frustrating for a reader, and I can only imagine how frustrating it must be for Zero to have to live with that. 

Ultimately, I’m pleased as punch they’ll be separated for a while. But more on where we’re going from here next.

Past Reflections Echoing into the Future

If VKM 13 was VKM’s version of Nights 61-64, VKM 14 picks up as the inverse of the Kuran Manor mini-arc’s Nights 65-67. I suspect the parallels will continue into the future, which is why I expect Zero to “return” of his own “free” will after he’s been blackmailed by the Vampire King group’s mastermind to act “against” Yuuki (and thus parallel the Rogue Kaname mini-arc from the original series). 

Because Zero was kidnapped, unlike Kaname in Night 67, this gives a different general atmosphere to this parallel to the original series, but ultimately the point is to separate Yuuki from the crutch she’s leaning on (Zero now, Kaname back then) and send her on a journey of self discovery, which hopefully this time will actually lead to growth rather than regression as it did in the original series in Volume 19. 

I see us being set up for a new arc where Zero’s return gives Yuuki initial relief, but because he’s being blackmailed he has to protect her by pretending to break things off with her. In this process, he will likely say quite a few “true” things that actually do reflect his true feelings--the best way to fool your enemies is to fool your loved ones, and the truth is the best way to accomplish that. So while Zero is saying these things to keep her safe and in the dark about what he’s about to do for the Vampire King (and in order to keep other innocents safe, because Zero’s lovely and altruistic like that), Yuuki will “believe” what he’s saying, because he’ll be speaking the truth from his heart at last. 

I suspect we’ll finally see that he has been afraid that she truly loves Kaname, despite what her blood tells him. We may see that he’s been contemplating bringing Kaname back for her again once the cure is in place. We may see that he’s open to the idea of disappearing from her life, because he feels he’s brought her nothing but misery. We may see that he feels Kaname was wrong in Night 93--that he doesn’t believe he and Yuuki were meant to be at all. All these fears and more are what could potentially be revealed on Zero’s side via this arc, and I would feel so relieved to see him finally speak these oppressive thoughts he’s clearly been suffering under for so long. 

Even if none of this comes to pass and Hino has other less interesting reasons for these events, Zero’s kidnapping is the best thing that’s happened to this story since Night 87. Even though I didn’t get Zero walking out on Yuuki (which I would have preferred), the kidnapping still forces them to separate and (hopefully) will force Yuuki to begin to examine what’s wrong in herself and her relationship and why it’s gotten to this point in the first place. 

This will work especially well if Zero does come back and is forced to act cold to her in order to protect innocents due to blackmailing from the Vampire King group’s mastermind. This would force Yuuki to have to examine how much she trusts Zero, how much of his words are true, and what all of it means for her. It’s a far greater test than what Ruka put her through when she gave her the illusion of Zero shooting her--because everything Zero will say to her here will be truth--perhaps incomplete truth, but still truth that she needs to acknowledge and deal with at last.

As for what else is coming our way, perhaps we might finally start seeing some movement on the cure. I’m quite looking forward to how that plotline mixes with this one, if indeed that’s what Hino intends for these two plotlines.

All in all, I think we’re still on track for things to unfold happily for our two star-crossed lovers, as long as Hino stops setting us back with detours. It’s time for Yuuki to get her act together and decide which man she wants in her life and what she actually wants for herself. It’s time for her to decide she prefers happiness to misery, whether or not she deserves it, and that Zero deserves happiness from her if she wants to stay with him or freedom from her if she wants to be true to Kaname. And since we know that he dies in her arms, I’d say chances are higher for the former happening than the latter. 

And that, as they say, is that. Until next time!

[elisaenglish]

Alain de Botton on Existential Maturity and What Emotional Intelligence Really Means

“The emotionally intelligent person knows that they will only ever be mentally healthy in a few areas and at certain moments, but is committed to fathoming their inadequacies and warning others of them in good time, with apology and charm.”

“Maturity is the ability to live fully and equally in multiple contexts,” poet and philosopher David Whyte wrote in one of his most beautiful meditations. A generation before him, Anaïs Nin took up the subject in her diary, which is itself a work of philosophy: “If you intensify and complete your subjective emotions, visions, you see their relation to others’ emotions. It is not a question of choosing between them, one at the cost of another, but a matter of completion, of inclusion, an encompassing, unifying, and integrating which makes maturity.” And yet emotional maturity is not something that happens unto us as a passive function of time. It is, as Toni Morrison well knew, “a difficult beauty, an intensely hard won glory” — the product of intentional character-sculpting, the slow and systematic chiseling away of our childish impulses for tantrums, for sulking, for instant self-gratification without regard for others, for weaponising our feelings of shame, frustration, and loneliness. Like happiness — another life-skill we have miscategorised as a passive abstraction — it requires early education, consistent relearning, and unrelenting practice.

That is what Alain de Botton, one of our era’s most uncommonly perceptive, lyrical, and lucid existential contemplatives, offers in The School of Life: An Emotional Education (public library) — the book companion to his wonderful global academy for self-refinement, a decade in the making.

De Botton considers the type of learning with which the road to emotional maturity is paved:

“The knack of our species lies in our capacity to transmit our accumulated knowledge down the generations. The slowest among us can, in a few hours, pick up ideas that it took a few rare geniuses a lifetime to acquire.

Yet what is distinctive is just how selective we are about the topics we deem it possible to educate ourselves in. Our energies are overwhelmingly directed toward material, scientific, and technical subjects and away from psychological and emotional ones. Much anxiety surrounds the question of how good the next generation will be at math; very little around their abilities at marriage or kindness. We devote inordinate hours to learning about tectonic plates and cloud formations, and relatively few fathoming shame and rage.

The assumption is that emotional insight might be either unnecessary or in essence unteachable, lying beyond reason or method, an unreproducible phenomenon best abandoned to individual instinct and intuition. We are left to find our own path around our unfeasibly complicated minds — a move as striking (and as wise) as suggesting that each generation should rediscover the laws of physics by themselves.”

This irrational orientation to our emotional lives, De Botton argues, is our inheritance from the Romantics, who crowned the untrained intuition the supreme governing body of human conduct. (And yet the Romantics contained multitudes — for all their belief in the unalterable givenness of emotional reality and the fidelity of feeling, they had a glimmering recognition that reason must be consciously applied to reining in the wildness of the emotions. Mary Shelley, offspring of the greatest power couple of political philosophy, placed at the heart of Frankenstein — one of the most prescient and psychologically insightful works of literature ever composed, triply so for being the work of an eighteen-year-old girl — an admonition against the unbridled reign of the ego’s emotional cravings unchecked by reason and forethought of consequence.) Exception aside, De Botton’s broader point is excellent:

“The results of a Romantic philosophy are everywhere to see: exponential progress in the material and technological fields combined with perplexing stasis in the psychological one. We are as clever with our machines and technologies as we are simple-minded in the management of our emotions. We are, in terms of wisdom, little more advanced than the ancient Sumerians or the Picts. We have the technology of an advanced civilisation balancing precariously on an emotional base that has not developed much since we dwelt in caves. We have the appetites and destructive furies of primitive primates who have come into possession of thermonuclear warheads.”

In 1983, the psychologist Howard Gardner devised his seminal theory of multiple intelligences, expanding our narrow cultural definition of intelligence as verbal and mathematical skill to include seven other modes of intellectual ability. A decade later, Daniel Goleman added a tenth form of intelligence — emotional intelligence — which quickly permeated the fabric of popular culture as hoards of humans felt suddenly recognized in an endowment long neglected as a valuable or even extant faculty of consciousness. Building on that legacy, De Botton brings his own sensitive perspicacity to a richer, more dimensional definition:

“The emotionally intelligent person knows that love is a skill, not a feeling, and will require trust, vulnerability, generosity, humor, sexual understanding, and selective resignation. The emotionally intelligent person awards themselves the time to determine what gives their working life meaning and has the confidence and tenacity to try to find an accommodation between their inner priorities and the demands of the world. The emotionally intelligent person knows how to hope and be grateful, while remaining steadfast before the essentially tragic structure of existence. The emotionally intelligent person knows that they will only ever be mentally healthy in a few areas and at certain moments, but is committed to fathoming their inadequacies and warning others of them in good time, with apology and charm… There are few catastrophes, in our own lives or in those of nations, that do not ultimately have their origins in emotional ignorance.”

De Botton is careful to acknowledge that this line of inquiry might trigger the modern intellectual allergy to the genre of learning dismissively labeled self-help. And yet he reminds us that the quest for self-refinement has always accompanied the human experience and animated each civilisation’s most respected intellects — it is there at the heart of the Stoics, and in the essays of Montaigne, and at the center of Zen Buddhism, and in the literary artistry of Proust (whom De Botton has especially embraced as a fount of existential consolation). He aims a spear of simple logic to the irrational and rather hubristic disdain for self-help:

“To dismiss the idea that underpins self-help — that one might at points stand in urgent need of solace and emotional education — seems an austerely perverse prejudice.”

Our cultural failure at making emotional intelligence an educable thing, De Botton argues, stems from two flawed baseline assumptions of our education system itself — its focus on what people are taught over how they are taught, and its tendency to mistake information for wisdom. (Adrienne Rich shone a sidewise gleam on these flaws and their remedy in her superb 1977 convocation address about why an education is something you claim, not something you get.) De Botton envisions the emotionally enlightened alternative:

“An emotional education may require us to adopt two different starting points. For a start, how we are taught may matter inordinately, because we have ingrained tendencies to shut our ears to all the major truths about our deeper selves. Our settled impulse is to blame anyone who lays our blind spots and insufficiencies bare, unless our defenses have first been adroitly and seductively appeased. In the face of critically important insights, we get distracted, proud, or fidgety. We may prefer to do almost anything other than take in information that could save us.

Moreover, we forget almost everything. Our memories are sieves, not robust buckets. What seemed a convincing call to action at 8 a.m. will be nothing more than a dim recollection by midday and an indecipherable contrail in our cloudy minds by evening. Our enthusiasms and resolutions can be counted upon to fade like the stars at dawn. Nothing much sticks.

It was the philosophers of ancient Greece who first identified these problems and described the structural deficiencies of our minds with a special term. They proposed that we suffer from akrasia, commonly translated as “weakness of will,” a habit of not listening to what we accept should be heard and a failure to act upon what we know is right. It is because of akrasia that crucial information is frequently lodged in our minds without being active in them, and it is because of akrasia that we often both understand what we should do and resolutely omit to do it.”

How to overcome akrasia and live with life-enlarging emotional intelligence — by absorbing the beauty and wisdom encoded in literature and art, by harnessing the power of ritual, by undertaking the difficult, immensely rewarding and redemptive work of self-knowledge — is what De Botton offers in the remainder of the thoroughly helpful The School of Life: An Emotional Education. Complement this small prefatory excerpt with philosopher Martha Nussbaum on the intelligence of emotions, then revisit De Botton on what makes a good communicator, the psychological paradox of sulking, and his lovely letter to children about why we read.

Source: Maria Popova, brainpickings.org (25th November 2019)

[dememarquette]

Vitalis Ex Maria

1311, France

The Rhône river had a way of dragging stragglers upstream.

It’s newest arrivals came in a pair that washed in with the tide every year. After a three month tour cruising the Mediterranean, it was a feat to have frittered away all their earnings in a matter of 48 hours. A personal record, actually. They just didn’t see it that way.

“Don’t start- you’re the one who blew it all.”

“Me?!” Osalm drew back, offended. “You can’t even cook. Why’d you let that merchant scalp you for spices?”

“They are the biggest thing on the market right now. It’ll pay off.”

“You’re a moron.”

“And you love me.”

“If I have to.”

She snorted.

It was completely normal to resort to begging between voyages. In the nicer towns, it’d work until people began recognizing their faces. At that point they became too disheveled for the populace to make eye contact with, anyways. This early on, they still had a chance.

A shadow turned the corner. Somebody was coming. Though she wasn’t talking, Osalm hissed a terse ‘Shut up’ before shoving her into the veranda of a tailor’s shop. If she hadn’t seen a vegetable in two weeks, the injustice would have resulted in a beatdown. But since she hadn’t, and they were running on empty, she remained quiet and radiated attitude around the corner.

Osalm shook his cup. It jangled, despite nothing of worth inside. A pebble, just enough to make one feel bad that other people paid a due to society’s less fortunate before passing them by. Proving the rule, the approaching figure paused.

Maria palmed the blade in her skirt, preparing for the worst. The stranger was not looking the friendliest. Of all people, he picked a hooded figure to panhandle. Nonchalant, her brother reached for his, too. And the stranger: his coin purse. As he did, the metal of his crucifix caught the light. Suddenly, the equation changed.

While Osalm wiggled excitedly at the sheen of silver from his bag, Maria stepped into plain view. “Stop- don’t.” “What are you doing?!”

“You know the buzzard is just going to spend it on booze, right?”

“What?!” Osalm punched her calf. “She’s lying! She wants me to starve to death.”

“C’mon Os. Don’t steal from a priest!”

She never considered herself a lamb of God, but other people out there were. And those other people had grander schemes in life than to swindle the system probably deserved it more. Guilt was apparently a recessive gene, because her brother seemed to disagree.

“It’s not stealing!” Osalm tucked the charity under his bottom. “It’s called ask and ye shall receive, it’s in their playbook, read up. They love doing this.”

“You’re awful!”

The priest smiled at that. While could always indulge in a good debate on morality, he was finished with their squabble. Osalm counted his score while his sister berated him. It wasn’t until she had a handful of the bronze (and his hair) that she noticed the priest missing, already halfway down the alley.

“Wait, wait, wait! Hold up!” She pried herself from her brother’s grip. His hold on her ankles relinquished with a well-placed kick to the ribs. Throw in a little twisting, and she broke to cover the distance.

“Maria!”

She ignored him to catch up, barefoot padding the ground until her abrupt stop at his heels. “Look- look, that’s way too much.” She panted. “If you’re going to give us that, you have to enjoy it with us.”

“Oh, I couldn’t,” The priest kept walking, diligent. “But if you’d need more assistance, I’d be happy to help in the morning.”

“Are you sure? Leaving now would be enabling.” She sounded sarcastic, but accentuated her seriousness in a pause. “Isn’t that a sin?”

“No...Not really.” He glanced at her waist. The cloth hung loosely, advertising a more fortuitous time. “I am trusting you to spend it on more worthwhile things. You should take care of yourself.”

“I see...” 

The woman was seemingly on the same page up until she whirled to her brother. “Osalm! He says you can spend it all on booze and hookers!”

“Great!” He propped two thumbs up.

The priest was mortified.

“What- no, no no-” His hands lifted in protest but it was too late.  She caught them.

He’d remember that wildfire grin all night.

- - -

It should be stated that the Descoteaux siblings had a laundry list of petty crime under their belts. Trespassing, vandalism, coincidental piracy- it goes on. Never anything absolutely malicious in nature- albeit, kidnapping was new.

Osalm watched her drag the priest back in a headlock. Oh, he blinked. She meant it. “Maria, you’re scaring him.”

“I am not!”

“I can undress myself?!” The priest cried. He didn’t know why she felt the need to claw off his clothes but they were entirely hers if she asked!

“It’s for her rituals.” Osalm elaborated, gravely.

“That’s not even funny!” She pulled the robes from over his head. Couldn’t they see it was for his own good?

The priest scrambled back, bare in his tunic and shifts. Having agreed to none of this, he was ready to bolt the second the two inevitably got into another tiff. He’d been dragged down the street, and only on the patio did it occur to him exactly what he was in for. The tavern reeked of old alcohol and bad choices. “I can’t go in there,” He gasped.

“Sure you can!”

“Underwear is not a disguise, Maria.”

“Hey, he was running around in a hood before!” She pointed out. “No one will know.”

A shame too, she thought. She kind of liked the blonde, blue-eyed angel look if only for the stark contrast it provided when he turned beat-red. Much like the present.

“What’s it going to be? I’m not giving your robe back until you join.”

“Charity is a no-go, but extortion is fine, noted.”

She rolled her eyes. Opting for better company, she pulled him to the bar. Osalm’s smartass remark also happened to result in the loss of choice on the priest’s part. Before he knew it, he was parked in a bar stool with a drought of ale put in front of him. It went without saying she wouldn’t let him leave without sampling it, nor was she satisfied there.

The ransom for these things began with one sip. It graduated to half the mug, and then into more personal things, like his name and where he was from. Obviously he couldn’t introduce himself as Father Marquette here, so Vitalis it was.

She learned he was a native of the town, but unlike most of the clergy, he didn’t seek the power that comes with rooting oneself in a solitary community. He liked to travel. And through this discussion, he learned she was from the coast. A pilgrim in her own right, preferring sails to horseback, and had a freckle for every city she’s terrorized. She lived with only enough foresight to survive the next day and that’s how she liked it, too.

She picked his brain until he stopped keeping track of how much he was draining, only seeking to wet his tongue for more. At the end of the night, she paid with a flourish. Every coin she’d earned (well, he earned) was slapped on the table, paying for them both.

The bartender wasn’t amused. “That pays for the first five.”

“That’s all we’ve had!”

“And?” He nodded his head. Across the bar, her brother was being- quite literally- swept out of the building.

“But that makes it nine...”

“My point.”

That was a problem. She scavenged her bags despite knowing the answer. She had nothing, and no amount of digging was going to change that. The woman blushed, suddenly meek. Demure wasn’t a color she wore well.  “...You don’t happen to accept payment in spices, do you?”

He scowled. The look said it all.

The vagrant groaned. If she had to, she supposed she could let Osalm spend another night in lock-up. Only until she had the funds-!

The priest picked his head up from the bar. “I’ll...work for the remainder,” He offered.

Maria paused. Accepting the proposal without another beat, the bartender handed him a mop.

The mission that night: clean up after everyone else. This included his new acquaintance drooling vomit all over the welcome mat. The labor was quite the steal for what remained on their tab, and it was almost as if it was his business model to wait for someone to offer.

Maria shrugged. Well, that worked out. She patted her new friend heartily on the shoulder. “I guesss I’ll leave you to your work!”

He never quite understood ‘No good deed goes unpunished’ before that night.

- - -

‘Community service’ lasted well into the evening. He was drunk off his ass but better off than some of his neighbors. With difficulty, he managed to help several sloshed patrons upstairs. Fluffing their pillows, and covering them up was overkill, but no one was complaining about five star hospitality at a one star price.

When finished, he muttered his thanks to the owner, and swayed onto the streets.

Maria was waiting patiently outside. His robes, and her brother’s unconscious head rested in her lap. The two had ample time to make their way back to the inn, but guilt had dangerously wound itself up in her stomach. Not enough to help, per-say, but enough to feel bad about how things turned out.

“Where are you going?” She asked.

The priest was lumbering somewhere but not anywhere she could discern. The chapel was the other way.

“I can’t go back…inebriated.” He dragged. With no money, and no home, the cleaner of the darkest alleys were starting to look awfully friendly. He had no problem taking that vow of poverty at face value, only if the neighborhood felines wouldn’t mind. “I’ll be fine…” He waved her off.

“Wait!”

Osalm’s head hit the wood paneling with a dull ‘thunk.’ She caught up to the priest quicker this time like she’d prepared for the sprint. Her brother’s spare key was already stolen. Pre-gaming was involved, and she didn’t want to be bothered...

“I just wanted to say that I…” She held her hand out for his. An offer instead of full-on abduction. “...Know where you can stay.”

His heart raced. The priest found himself powerless being lead away.

- - -

Living at sea made her a deep sleeper.

Nothing like the jerk of the water, and the raucous energy of idiots to orient one to sleep like the dead. Alcohol helped. When it didn’t, wearing herself down until rest was no longer a conscious volition did.

But by some miracle, a whisper that rused her. An unoffending noise, completely out of its element where glass broke habitually and feral cats had a perpetual turf war. She rolled over on her side- noting that she was sharing the bed with no one. Usually she was the culprit for bailing first, but go figure a clergyman to be gone before the sun except-

The rhythm continued. Down below, like a private song. It baited her to the edge on her elbows. There he was. Her secret rendezvous, unknowing conspirator in her ‘Wouldn’t-it-be-funny-if’ midnight tryst. He knelt on the cold stone, head bowed.

Smirking, she watched him, bemused before understanding hit her like a brick. Her own sense of virtues could be outré, but wow. “Are you really repenting after sex?!”

He peeked an eye.

“Good morning.” He said. “And sorry...”

“For what?”

The priest cringed. Well, if he could admit it to God, why not own up?  “I shouldn’t...have done that.”

“Done what? Me?”

He chuckled, as if he hadn’t followed her to her bedroom like death row. Apologizing twice would just be repetitive.

Not that there was a market for it. She could handle being a regret, but being in audience of a priest tattling on himself was a bit much. “What makes you think God has any place in here? Do you think he cares?”

“It’s not about Him. It’s about myself.”

“Yourself?” She rejected that just as haughtily. “Don’t lie, you had fun.”

A delicate pink seeped into his cheeks, no booze to blame it on now.  “It was a lack of self control. If I can be that easily...distracted, I have no business here.”

Maria’s eyes rolled, threatening to disappear into her skull. ‘Distraction.’ What a sad euphemism. “That sounds like a load of horse shit.”

“You think?”

He stood from his altar at her bed while she gathered her things. The vagrant was comfortable to leave it on that. Never to see him again, like a black smudge rubbed away from his good name. She figured it’s what he wanted, and living life on the road meant you could oblige the people you use in little ways. But as she shoved what little possessions she had into her arms, it got her thinking. A morbid curiosity that stopped her at the door.

“Did that...thing of yours mean you prayed for me too?”

Her question was posed like a set-up for ridicule, but his years as a career empath could decipher sardonicism from sincerity.

“Would you like me to?”

- - -

Osalm lost it.

She never explicitly explained, but her brother had been hungover across the street. He was in perfect view of the lovers’ walk of shame, and found it hilarious. Maria left like a champ but the priest lacked in such a practiced subtlety.

“Look at you, dragging holy men to hell” He cackled, regardless if Vitalis was still in earshot. He was. “Did you see his face?”

“Shut up, Os.” She said, pitching a breakfast roll with little care in terms of aim.

It didn’t hit bullseye, evident by a flawless catch. “Áve María ♪~” He sang.

Her eyes narrowed. “At least I didn’t have to pay him!”

That ended that.

He was right about one thing, though. Vitalis was a new breed.

The priest’s business usually kept to the upper state area. The Avignon papacy was the newest and best thing to hit the city, currently in full swing. It acted like a beacon to the clerical staff looking to broaden their horizons. Furthering education was one thing, prestige another, but learning of the nation’s biggest priorities was what he was there for. People there liked to talk about what needed done. Vitalis preferred to act.

He was a bleeding heart. A day without changing someone’s life was a waste. He didn’t see himself fit spreading the Lord’s name if he had nothing concrete to show for it like a time card. The most selfish thing about the man was his steadfast belief he was put on this planet for a higher purpose. He’d never admit it, but it was implied when he’d reject officiating your wedding to go get projectile vomited on by a possessed toddler out in Montpellier.

Vitalis was all about lasting impact. Dealing with the upper echelon’s of Avignon was his daytime job, and a means to an end. By night he’d be back in the backwater to get the outskirts of the city with the program. Children on the streets were his weakness. Also adults. Really, anyone down on their luck but that didn’t encompass it. This is a man who’d chew your food if you had a toothache.

He never shied away from Maria’s company, though. Rather- surprising the two of them, even himself- he embraced it. He was a victim of his own vices, while leading her away from hers. An odd cultural change where both found worth in benefiting the other, without seeing the trade at all.

Their relationship was secret, naturally, but calling it star-crossed would be painting it melodramatic. She respected him as a priest and a human, and he learned to accept he was capable of wanting more out of life than a pat on the back when it came to a sharp-tongued brunette, kissed by the sun.

It didn’t stop the repenting, though. After the third time, she threw a shoe at him, and he finished the prayer before saying ‘Ow.’

- - -

With Summer came good news..

A captain had made berth at Saintes Maries desperately seeking abled bodies. Osalm left early in the morning to seal the deal, leaving his sister behind to take care of the last minute details. One of which was a certain priest.

She caught him by the chapel.

“I’m leaving soon.”

“Oh?” He perked. “Where to?”

“Italy, I hear. Ossy found us solid work for a couple months.”

“That’s great news. I adore Italy. I’m sure you will too.”

“What about you? Where are you heading?

“Bourges. They are constructing a cathedral out there, and could use the extra hand. Consulting, planning and all.”

He left out the part where he had already delayed the trip two weeks. Their fling was never meant to last forever, but he always seemed to find little things he could do around Avignon before making the trek across the country.

“It sounds boring.”

“Not when you see what it does to the community. It blossoms when it all comes together. People help people...”

“You sound like a fortune cookie.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

- - -

She finished packing. A little later in the afternoon than she would have liked considering the circumstances, but hardly an issue. Her brother would be waiting at the port with their newest job description.

“Here you go.” She tossed him a bag.

His body rocked with the weight, but he regained his balance quickly when it came time to block her passage. His arm flew up, stopping her on the gangway. “Ah-ah-ah! Where do you think you’re going?”

She attempted to sidestep to no avail. “What?”

“Not this time, little miss.”

“You’re kidding, right? You couldn’t make it anywhere without me.”

She tried to pass once more, and the two spun around like a swinging door only to end up in the exact same spots.

“And that-” He prodded her stomach. “Won’t either.”

Her eyes widened. Face hot, she wrapped another layer over her stomach, defiant. She’d been so careful. The priest had been her crutch the past couple weeks more often than she’d seen him, and she easily explained away the morning sickness as hangovers. Unfortunately, Osalm wasn’t a complete idiot. The signs had been there.

“So what? You’re abandoning me?!”

“Well yeah. Can’t have you popping on the ship. That’d be gross.”

“Grow up!”

Osalm’s ever-present smirked dimmed. He had wanted to be jovial, but the decision had been weighing on him, too. “It’s no life for a kid, Maria.”

“No life for me either.” She gritted. He held her shoulders.

“...I’m sorry.”

- - -

That night, his caravel was seized before leaving harbour.

A routine check from the coast’s navy turned violent. A concerned citizen reported suspicious behavior an hour before the ship was set to sail. The vessel’s storage of untaxed contraband was uncovered disguised as caskets of the dead, wishing to be buried overseas. Osalm knew better than to scuffle with the authorities, but that didn’t change his fate.

For first time offenders, the charge was steep. You’d be marked, fined, and ousted from the city as a public disgrace..

Anything past that, the law was less lenient. Upon hearing news at the church, Vitalis borrowed a horse and bolted to the border. Hours later, he was able to garner access to the cells under the improvised title of a prison chaplain.

Osalm recognized him instantly. “Look who it is.”

Vitalis glanced around. The elder Descoteaux wasn’t alone, but his sister wasn’t to be found.

“Where is she?”

“She wasn’t onboard. She’s safe, somewhere in the city.”

The priest’s chest fell. The breath he’d been holding escaped him but the next would be productive. “I’ll try to talk to the officials. Perhaps I could negotiate a pardon.”

“No point.”

Osalm rolled up his sleeve. He exposed the scar that damned him. It was a brand- raised, slick and pink. A perfect twin of the one the priest would trace on Maria’s forearm. “They already know I’m no-good~”

“You could pay your debt.” He insisted. “Surely they’d be willing to negotiate.”

“With what money? It was bound to happen. I was just hoping it’d be cooler.” He sighed. “Tell Maria it was cooler. That I fell overboard- a monolithic beast dragged me to the depths before they caught me.”

Vitalis found no humor in that. “She’ll be devastated.”

“Of course she will. I’m sure she already knows. But she’ll move on. I’d say take care of her for me but I haven’t been doing too good of a job at that on my own.” He leaned against the bars. “How about this: do a better job.”

Vitalis frowned, suspicious. “She is her own woman.”

“I know, I know. But what I mean is don’t let her name the kid after me, okay? I know she’ll want to but don’t.”

Understanding fell into place like a deadbolt.

“...I promise.”

- - -

He found her on the edge of the brook.

She hadn’t attended the hanging. Without living protest, the body was cut down from the noose and cast into an unmarked grave, nameless in a sea of the others. Vitalis had committed its spot into memory should she change her mind, though her brother had seemed less than convinced that’d happen.

“She lives in the present.” He said, sometime after mocking the priest’s stuffy final rites. “Hell will freeze over before she cares.”

Maria sat on the edge of the water, skipping stones. There was no change in her eyes when the rock leapt across the surface, or sank. She’d just throw another, tepid and controlled like repetitive motion was her purpose in life. The footsteps coming up from behind were background noise, ignored as much as the crickets. He could have stood there all night and the results wouldn’t have changed, but he didn’t.

“I’m sorry for your loss.” He said.

“Thanks.” She replied simply, throwing another.

“I ensured the burial was proper. I-...I did all I could.”

“You’re too kind.” Her voice clipped before the hitch in her breath threatened her controlled monotone.

He sat down beside her.

It became...uncomfortable. Tensions were as thick as the lump in his throat, but they needed to aired. Their futures both depended on it.

“What did he mean by kid?” He asked.

“Does it matter? You’re leaving tonight.”

“I don’t have to. I can stay.”

“Don’t. I can do without your pity.”

“It can wait.” He said, softly. “It’s not pity, it’s responsibility, and it’s mine.”

For the first time, she dared look at him. He was a man brimming with sincerity, but he didn’t mean this. She saw it in his posture, the dip of his eyes. His word was honest to God, but not what he was cut out for. It was a waste of his energy. Why save two, when he could save hundreds? Thousands?

It’s something she’d been wrestling with all day. Being alone would be hard, but she’d be damned before she’d be an obligation. That was even worse.

He continued. In that calming hum of his, he spun a tale about their future life together. How he’d leave the clergy, how he’d find work in town, how they’d make it work…

She stopped listening minutes prior, eying the dagger poised by her side.

“-We could start anew...married, if you’d like...”

“Shut up.”

“I’m serious. I don’t need-”

He flinched.

Her blade slid through his coin purse. Modest bronze pieces spilled to the ground- a week’s worth of meals at best that he’d collected for his journey. Vitalis watched the coins fall, sympathy plaguing him. “Maria…”

“I will be there.”

The edge of her knife pointed. His focus followed to a property overlooking the sea. It plunged upward from the woods- too distant from town for convenience, and too high from the water to merit the trouble.

His brows creased, “Maria. That isn’t enough to-”

“I. will. be. there.” She reaffirmed, words bleeding with contempt. “I’ll leave you to your work. Return when you are done.”

- - -

An honest living was the goddamn hardest thing she’s ever had to do.

It didn’t seem possible at first. Her brother and herself had managed on their own on the road. There, it was easy. Mooch here, be a menace there, side job across town, and leave on a boat after they’d stirred up too much trouble. They were adventure exemplar, not built for stagnancy.

Land came first. Cheap, due to its inconvenience. With it, self-sufficiency. The farm came after. She beat the ground until it yielded. Her son turned up somewhere in the middle. Balance was never easy and naturally there were rumors. On a good day, she’d claim to be a soldier’s widow. And on a bad, she’d chase you off the property with the same pitchfork she deterred pests. The same passion, too.

After some time, she didn’t visit town anymore, but her son was Rognac cliff’s personal ambassador. A precocious sprite, who treasured the company of absolutely anyone outside of his mom and the hens. Isolation gifted him with an endless fascination with people. When he expressed enough competence to handle grocery trips on his own at age seven, she let him. It was that loose-leash parenting that earned her a fair share of criticism. It takes a village to raise a child, but the village seemed to think it was doing all the work.

The two of them knew differently.

He grew up as an equal. A roommate, earning his keep as soon as he was walking. Motherly instincts were never a ‘thing’ that came to her, but she knew how to survive. In turn, he learned too.

But apart from his platinum head, the boy was nothing like his father until he came home with the Old Testament in hand. Vitalis’ occupation had only been nuanced to spare his image (her son, she learned, tended to be a huge fucking blabbermouth), but for the boy it was like a final clue, a riddle he’d cracked. This mystical job where he could travel abroad for a living, anywhere his heart desired, and people just went with it. He couldn’t get enough. Although Maria could care less about where God’s plan mingled with the mess she called life, she encouraged him. If only to see a glimpse of Vitalis.

Her son would read to her at night after the chickens were tucked away. She’d listen until he put himself to sleep with his own bedtime story.

Afterwards, she’d quiet her mind outside, dreaming of the sea.

- - -

1320

“MOM, there’s a weird man...”

Her head shot up.

In one smooth stroke, she abandoned dinner she was preparing to unsheath an iron rod from the fireplace. Nothing good came of people that hiked this far. Maria stalked to the front door; armed but not ready for who was there.

On the porch, a man crouched in front of her son. Their golden heads identical, only separated by years.

“And who was eaten by the whale?” He asked.

“Jonah.”

The grip on her weapon tightened, turning her knuckles bone white, before it dropped.

“Very good! You’re so smart.”

The boy pouted, rejecting the praise with a scrunched face. “That’s not even hard.”

He laughed. “Want another?”

“How about I ask you some?”

“Go right ahead!”

She opened the door. Years had hardened her up, but he’d recognize that fierce spirit anywhere. There was no trace of animosity, only a toothy grin inviting him in.

Their son could play outside for a bit.

[ourmrmel]

Mel Feller MPA, MHR, Discusses Trusts to Own Real Estate Anywhere in the Country

Mel Feller MPA, MHR, Discusses Trusts to Own Real Estate Anywhere in the Country

 Mel is the President/Founder of Mel Feller Seminars with Coaching for Success 360, Inc. and Mel Feller Coaching. Mel Feller Ministries. Mel Feller is an Innovator, Business Leader, and Investor. Mel Feller is currently working closely with his son-in-law and partner on an incubator for young entrepreneurs.  Mel Feller currently maintains an office in Texas. Currently an MBA Candidate.

 T rusts have been used as an entity to hold assets, such as real estate for hundreds, if not thousands, of years. Obviously, it is old stuff. However, with each generation’s trials and tribulations, trusts evolve to meet new challenges. High Taxes and aggressive litigation are today’s motivators. Tax risks range from income tax to draconian death taxes that consume up to 55% of the assets a person leaves behind. Trusts are often used along with more modern adaptations of other old entities, such as partnership aberrations, to include family limited partnerships and limited liability companies. The quest is to keep what you have accumulated and to have some extended control of it, even after death.

 Using Trusts

 A perfect example of using ingenuity to keep one’s assets away from the grips of the tax man was a trust established by Maria Cristofori in 1984. Maria established a trust and transferred to it real estate with a value of $70,000. The primary beneficiaries were her two children and, as contingent beneficiaries, five grandchildren should the two primary beneficiaries die within 120 days of Maria. All was fine until Maria died and the IRS audited her estate tax return.

  Naturally, the IRS wanted more money. They claimed that Maria failed to file a gift tax return and owed back gift taxes. The IRS argued that Maria was entitled to give $10,000 per year to the two primary beneficiaries, but that taxes were owed on the $50,000 not excluded. The estate disagreed, claiming that the five contingent beneficiaries did have an interest in the trust. The trust had a Crummy power and, in accordance with that power, the trustee had given written notice to all 7 beneficiaries of their right to withdraw. Thus, the full $70,000 was excludable.

  This means that multiple-beneficiary trusts now can be used to expand the fit-tax exclusion. It took someone with a tolerance for risk to mix old law, and an old trust entity with a new way of looking at the old to save Maria’s family substantial wealth.

 Over the years, trusts have been used extensively in the attempt to control how much the government inherits. Some of the more familiar trust names include Bypass Trust; Marital Deduction Trust; Generation Skipping Trust; Grantor Retained Income Trust; Insurance Trust etc. The common thread for all of these trusts is to legally avoid paying the majority of the deceased’s wealth to the government. Failure to act is to assure that the estate will pay the highest possible tax.

 A NEED FOR PRIVACY: Trusts

 Real Estate Investors often use trusts as business devices. It is hard persons never being in business to understand, but business can be war. There is an ever-growing number of enemy soldiers attempting to invade and plunder the investor’s castle of wealth. Sometimes this is accomplished by out and out illegal means, such as thieves that rob and destroy property or those who embezzle by not paying rent. The cruelest enemy is he who uses the law to plunder. Today, lawsuits are treated as a lottery.

  Enemy troops look for excuses to sue; it is nearly a guaranteed profit. If a person can find some excuse to sue, even if very flimsy, the defendant will usually settle for at least a few thousand dollars because it is cheaper to settle than to incur the cost of legal defense. It has become so bad that in some cities, such as Buffalo, NY, unscrupulous people publish lists of landlords and divulge such things as the number of properties, the number of units and the total value of real estate owned. Why? Because contingency fee lawyers will not spend the time and money to go after someone with minimum assets. They look for the ‘fatted lamb’.

  LAND TRUSTS

 A result of this attack is a defense system. Some investors use trusts as a key part of their defense. The most common trust used in real estate investing is referred to as an Illinois style land trust. The primary purpose is to remove the legal title from the investor’s name. The title is held in the name of a trustee and the investor is both the grantor and the beneficiary to the trust. The trust does not offer the same kinds of protection a corporation or limited liability company can, but it has a place in the castle’s defense and is the most economical of all entities to set up and maintain.

  Legal advisors often recommend trusts be used in conjunction with other business entities assuming the amount of wealth involved is sufficient to justify the cost of the business entity. Trusts, on the other hand, are usually very economical. An attorney prepares the original trust and it can be duplicated for additional use. The fee to have a knowledgeable attorney prepare a land trust can range from $300 to $1,000. Some of us do our own trusts, but a great deal of  knowledge must be obtained before you consider doing this. There are no additional expenses, such as franchise fees or income tax returns. A land trust is reported on the beneficiary’s tax return as if the beneficiary personally owned the property.

  OTHER TRUSTS

 There are numerous possibilities for the name given to a trust. Such names are often chosen to reflect the primary function of the trust: Education Trust; Wealth Replacement Trust; Charitable Remainder Trust; Spendthrift Dynasty Trust, etc.

  Since names are assigned to trusts, the public can get the wrong impression. It is often assumed that a named trust is like any other consumer good, such as the name ‘car’ or ‘truck’. A person wants to buy, say, a car but not a truck. They want a Spendthrift, but not an Education Trust. Actually all trusts are just trusts. The primary thing that differentiates them are clauses written into the trusts. For example, a single clause will turn an education trust into a spendthrift education trust.

  The point is not to let names become confusing. The fundamentals of trusts are simple to comprehend. First, all trusts are either inter vivos or Testamentary. Inter vivos trusts are set up while the grantor is alive and are often referred to as a ‘living trust’. The testamentary trust, on the other hand, is set up after the person’s death by authority written in the deceased’s will. All trusts will be either an inter vivos or a testamentary trust.

  REVOCABLE & IRREVOCABLE TRUSTS

 Inter vivos trusts are either revocable or irrevocable. Revocable means the grantor can either revoke the trust or else maintain some significant power to maintain control of the trustee or use of the trust assets. Irrevocable means the grantor totally gives up rights and powers and walks away entrusting to the trustee all of the assets in the trust, referred to as the ‘corpus’.

 The government treats most inter vivos revocable trusts as grantor trusts. As previously mentioned, grantor trusts are reported on the grantor’s tax return. Irrevocable trusts have tax returns that are more complex. in a nut shell, they are either a simple trust or a complex trust for tax reporting purposes. Professionals best prepare these returns.

  Most investors will be dealing with inter vivos or living trusts. Trusts used to hold operational real estate would generally be revocable, grantor trusts. These trusts are more for operational purposes that estate tax planning purposes. In general, irrevocable trusts will be used to deal with estate tax planning.

   Depending on the client’s objective, the attorney will draft a base trust to emphasize certain objectives, such as children’s education , or a land trust. Examples would be an education trust that is an irrevocable inter vivos trust and the land trust that is a revocable inter vivos trust.

 COMMON CHARACTERISTICS of LIVING TRUSTS

 Some common characteristics of the living trust are:

 Assignment - In certain cases, trusts can be assigned to third parties without changing the public records. Thought we do not recommend it, some real estate investors have used this feature in dealing with due on sale clauses of mortgage contracts.

  Assurance - The trust may provide greater assurance that the grantor’s wishes will be met. Disgruntled heirs and “want to be” heirs more easily contest wills.

  Avoids Guardianship of the Assets - Using a Trust the grantor/beneficiary has greater assurance that his assets will be managed in a manner prescribed by him and will be spent as he instructs in the trust document. If a trust does not exist and a guardian is appointed by the courts, then the courts and guardian make these decisions with no input from the incapacitated party. A guardianship is more expensive to administer than a trust since the Court usually requires a periodic accounting by the guardian.

  Incapacitation of Trustee - If the owner of the property becomes incapacitated, managing assets can become a problem. A trust allows an alternate trustee to step into the shoes of an incapacitated trustee without affecting management of the property.

  Limited Liability - There is no significant liability protection. At best, the trust provides greater privacy as to who is the beneficiary. In most states, living trusts are treated as the alter ego of the grantor. As such, liability may be attributed to the grantor.

  Privacy At Death - Ownership transferred upon the death of the grantor/beneficiary of a trust is private when contingent beneficiaries are listed. Unlike a will, which is probated, a trust document does not become public record. Land trusts typically do not have contingent beneficiaries and, therefore, any property held in the trust would simply be included in the deceased’s probated estate.

  Privacy While Living - Some real estate investors wisely seek privacy regarding the ownership of their real estate. They do not want their name as the owner of the public property records, which would allow anyone to know how much wealth they owned in real estate and where that real estate is located. It can also cause a serious operational problem. For example, a judgment against the investor even for a small amount would give the judgment holder immense leverage diminishing the investor’s opportunity to negotiate a lower settlement on the judgment. The judgment attaches to all of the investor’s real estate. This would prohibit the investor from selling any real estate without first paying the judgment in full.

  Probate - Where a trust has contingent beneficiaries listed, costs associated with probate are avoided since the trust is not probated at death.

  Taxes (Income) - There is no tax benefit. The tax information is reported on the grantor’s personal tax return.

  Taxes (Estate) - The Irrevocable trust, Insurance trust, Bypass trust and Marital Deduction trust are the most common trusts used to save estate taxes. Note that an irrevocable trust is a book trust and can be used for many purposes, such as the trust names indicate, Charitable Remainder Trust and Spendthrift Dynasty Trust. The revocable land trust saves no estate taxes.

  Mel Feller, MPA, MHR, is a well-known real estate, business consultant, personal development Consultant and speaker, specializing in performance, productivity, and profits. Mel is the President/Founder of Mel Feller Seminars with Coaching For Success 360, Inc. and Mel Feller Coaching, a real estate and business specific coaching company and Mel Feller Ministries. His three books for real estate professionals are systems on how to become an exceptional sales performer. His four books in Business and Government Grants are ways to leverage and increase your business Success in both time and money! His book on Personal Development “Lies that Will Sabotage Your Success”. Mel Feller is in Texas. Visit www.melfellersuccessstories.com  and www.melfeller.com

[thewritingambition]

Grandma is Coming to Visit

(originally posted on Reddit)

I was fortunate enough to have my paternal grandparents in my life well into adulthood. My grandma Yesenia was a lively woman, always energetic and active even in her seventies; she was from a generation of women who lived through immense struggle and always taught me to value the people and things I was lucky enough to have. She was also a loving woman who liked to bake and spent most of my childhood trying to fatten me up, with quite a lot of success, I might add.

She was only 19 years old when she married my grandpa Vítor, who was your typical grump. Not a mean-spirited man, mind you, he was affectionate and gentle, especially with his daughters and granddaughters, but retirement hadn't been kind to him. Forty-five years after working as a surgeon, he'd been pushed into retirement when his hands became less steady. Being completely uninterested in becoming a family doctor, he resigned himself to watching TV while indulging in his newfound hobby: complaining. He hated the shows on TV, the new generation with their fancy gadgets, the idiots who ran our government, and so on

Mostly, we all tuned him out. Even grandma, with her endless patience, would sometimes say, “Honestly, Vítor! With such disposition, it is no wonder the kids don't come around as much as they used to.” Though I'm pretty sure that was her passive-aggressive way of making us all feel guilty for not visiting more often.

They formed sort of an odd couple: my grandfather a towering, lanky man who was a little rough around the edges, always cursing under his breath, and my grandmother a petite, delicate lady who believed speaking above a whisper was unladylike. Despite all of their differences, they still managed to make their marriage work for 56 years, though we could all see that grandpa Vítor was becoming a little worse for wear every year. Grandma, on the other hand, continued to be beautiful and vivacious. There was an eight-year gap between them and we all knew it was very likely that grandma was going to have to spend the remainder of her years alone.

When grandpa was hospitalized with a serious case of pneumonia, I was well into my twenties and my father called me to say this was it. In all likelihood, grandpa Vítor might not survive the night and we better say our goodbyes.

I rushed to the hospital, tears in my eyes, ready to say goodbye to one of the people I loved the most in the world. However, once I approached the room, I heard a bit of a commotion inside and my uncle all but ran out the door, his face flushed.

“What happened?” I asked, though I could already imagine I had been too late and grandpa was now gone forever.

“I tried to tell your grandfather that, if he was only sticking around for us, that it was okay. He could let go, you know? We don't want him to be in pain.”

“Oh, god. Is he...?” I trailed off.

My uncle sighed. “He told me to fuck off with my emotional bullshit and go find him a fucking doctor.”

Turns out my grandpa was even more stubborn than we'd first thought, and that was saying something. Do you think he was going to give the doctors the satisfaction of saying that smoking two packs a day and a lifetime of eating red meat had taken a toll on his health? Like hell he would! He came out of that hospital two weeks later and went home practically flipping the doctors off.

The very next week, grandma passed away.

You know, when my grandpa got out of the hospital, I thought they were going to manage another decade or so together. The fact that my grandmother left immediately after was a particularly cruel twist of fate, facilitated by an unexpected heart attack. One moment, she'd been in her garden, tending to her flowers under the sun – the next, she was clutching her chest and shouting for the maid to come and help her.

The worst part is that, for a brief moment of panic, no one in my family knew what to do. We hadn't prepared for her to be the first one to go. She had always been so lively and healthy. My grandparents had had five children, all of whom had married and given them a total of thirteen grandchildren, ages seven to 31, and no one knew how to proceed. We had all expected to bury grandpa Vítor first, and then we'd tend to a heartbroken but otherwise strong widow who had long accepted that, being eight years younger than her husband, she might outlive her spouse. She had her children to live for, her roses, a loyal group with friends with whom she knitted every Friday afternoon.

Grandpa Vítor had one person in the world that he could tolerate, having outlived his closest and dearest friends. He wasn't just heartbroken, he was destroyed by his wife's death. There hadn't been a dried eye at the funeral, but our grief was mixed with a healthy dose of worry and sorrow as we watched grandpa Vítor sob over his wife's remains.

“My love, my life... oh god... oh my life...”

He spent the following week crying in his favorite armchair, the spot on the couch my grandmother had once occupied now empty. As for the rest of the family, we barely had any time to grief as we pondered about what to do with grandpa now. He couldn't stay by himself in that old big house with no one but Maria, their 55-year-old maid, to look after him, but moving him away seemed almost cruel at that point.

His five children took turns sleeping the guest bedroom, promising to keep him company until he got used to his situation, or at least until they felt it was safe to suggest he relocated to a home. No one dared to make the suggestion, though. How could we? His only companion, his entire emotional support, the woman he had loved faithfully for 56 years had ceased to exist in the blink of an eye. He was in so much pain.

As it always is with these things, though, the pain dulled over the next six months. He wasn't used to the loneliness, he'd still turn lachrymose whenever we brought up my grandmother, but he'd complain and grumble as he used to, louder and angrier than before. It was annoying at times, but it felt good to see him go back to his normal self.

It had been eight months since my grandmother had passed away when dad called me. He'd traveled from Veracruz, where we lived, to Mexico City that week for work. He was supposed to return on Friday to spend the weekend with his father, but his business trip had to be extended for another five days.

“I'm meeting with the contractor on Monday, Lídia, there's no point coming back for the weekend,” he told me. “Can you please keep your grandfather company while I'm away? Roberto already said he can take over on Monday.”

I'll be completely honest, I'm not the best at dealing with grief or other people's emotions. My reaction to seeing people crying is to leave the room and give them some space. My brothers are a lot better at handling emotional outbursts than I am. Besides, I had been extremely busy because I was a month away from moving to Toronto. My father knows this and trust me, I was not his first choice for the job.

Still, I felt guilty about leaving grandpa like this. Chances were we might not see each other again once I left Mexico. It would be good to sit with him one last time, just the two of us, make some memories to take with me to my new life in Canada.

I packed a small bag and headed to the home he'd shared with my grandmother for over half a decade. The maid let me in and I sat with grandpa in the TV room, where he spent most of his time nowadays. I noticed that tonight he had been almost smiling and not paying attention to the TV at all.

“You seem to be in a good mood, grandpa,” I said, trying to sound chipper. These anything you said might set him off on a rant or make him burst into tears.

“I am, beautiful,” he said in his tired voice, sounding somewhat dreamy as he spoke. “Tonight is going to be a good night.”

“Yeah? Is Maria cooking your favorite meal?”

“Maria can't cook for shit,” he said, harshly. He had never been one to measure words. “I should kick her out of the house.”

I eyed the open door to make sure Maria was nowhere near the room. Not that she hadn't probably heard any of this before. My grandpa and her often engaged in a battle of wits and that woman had the patience of a saint.

“Okay,” I said, cautiously. “Then why are you so happy?”

He too eyed the door as if he was afraid Maria would listen, then leaned closer to whisper to me with a big smile. “Your grandma is coming to visit me tonight.”

I blinked at him, confused. “I'm sorry, what did you say?”

“Grandma is coming to visit me.”

I opened my mouth, then closed it again, unsure of what to say. Had my grandfather been developing dementia? Should I be worried? And if so, should I burst his bubble and make him miserable all over again by reminding him that his wife had passed away eight months ago?

“Grandpa,” I said, very gentle, “grandma Yesenia... she's not... around anymore.”

“Oh, I know,” he said, still in a good mood. “But she's coming to visit me anyway.” He winked. “She couldn't stay away from me for long.”

I was stunned for a very long time as he turned back to the TV to watch his telenovela like we'd been doing a moment before.

I excused myself and went to talk to Maria. I asked if grandpa had been saying any strange things lately.

Maria said, “He's complaining about my cooking again, but that's just how your grandpa is.”

“No, I meant, about grandma?”

“No, not really. Why?”

I shook my head and told her it was nothing. I'd have to tell my dad about this. He'd know what to do.

That night, we ate dinner together – I appreciated Maria's cooking a lot more than grandpa did – and I asked him if he'd like me to read to him before bed. He said I didn't have to. He was very tired. He didn't mention grandma again.

I stayed up another three hours, browsing the internet until I became too tired to stay up. I approached my grandpa's room to check in on him, see if he needed help getting up in the middle of the night. His legs were not what they used to be, but he was too proud of a man to walk with a cane or to ask for help.

I rapped my knuckles gently on the door, saying, “Grandpa? Do you need to use the bathroom?”

I listened for his answer, probably something along the lines of, “I'm not a fucking invalid, Lídia,” which was the usual response.

Then, I heard his voice, very quietly whispering, “Oh, my love, my life...”

I frowned and pushed the door open to look inside.

“Grandpa? Is everything-”

I started screaming. There was someone in there with him. The room was dark and I couldn't see them very well but I could tell they were tall and menacing. Instinctively, I reached for the switch and turned the lights on.

The sudden brightness blinded me for a moment and when I opened my eyes again, I saw her. It was only for a second, not nearly enough to register what was going on, but I thought... I thought I'd seen my grandmother. She was wearing the dress we had cremated her with and her face was livid but beautiful. Hell, she looked alive. For a moment, I even forgot that she was, in fact, dead and had been so for almost a year.

In the blink of an eye, however, she disappeared and I was left staring at the empty space she'd left behind, eyes wide open.

“No!” grandpa shouted, all but jumping out of bed. “No! No! No! No! What did you do? You stupid girl, what did you do?”

I was too shocked for words. I stood there, staring at the spot where my grandmother had just been, stammering excuses and questions that made no sense until Maria came running, wrapped in a shawl.

“Doctor Vítor, what is the matter?”

“She sent my wife away!” he shouted. “Stupid girl, what did you think you were doing?”

She tried to calm him down even though she couldn't really understand what was happening. Seeing that I was making him upset, she asked me to go back to my room, that she could handle things herself.

I waited outside the room. Thirty minutes later, Maria came out and told me he had managed to fall asleep again.

“I saw grandma,” I muttered without warning. I had to get it out of my chest.

Maria looked at me, taken aback. “You what?”

“I saw grandma Yesenia. She was there, standing over his bed but...”

That made no sense. The silhouette I'd seen before going for the lights, it had very clearly not been my grandmother. Grandma Yesenia was a small woman, that thing was tall and downright menacing.

Maria was still looking at me, suddenly looking pale.

She said, “Lídia, these are not things to joke about.”

I didn't correct. I couldn't even think.

Maria shuddered and crossed herself, then told me to go to bed. I did as I was told, but I couldn't sleep. As soon as the sun was up, I called my dad and relayed the story to him.

“And you're sure you saw your grandmother?” he asked me once I was done.

I thought about it. Having had time to mull it over, I wasn't so sure anymore.

“It was all so fast,” I admitted. “I know there was someone in the room and I thought I had seen her but... I don't know.”

“You know, sometimes our minds play tricks on us.”

“I know, dad.”

“It's possible that grandpa got into your head and you just filled in the gaps with your imagination.”

“I know.”

He paused for a moment.

“There is, of course, the possibility that it was your grandmother.”

I didn't say anything.

“I know how that sounds,” he said. “It wouldn't be the first ghost your grandfather has ever seen, though.”

That surprised me. Not that my grandfather had seen a ghost – or ghosts, as it turned out – but rather that they'd kept that from me. It may sound strange to hear this, but supernatural occurrences aren't as taboo in Latin America as in other places. Several of my friends from Mexico had had some run-in with the paranormal. Ghostly apparitions were not something I would immediately dismiss, though I was on the fence about the whole thing and would much rather find a reasonable explanation to why I saw my dead grandmother in the room with my grandfather.

“Grandpa doesn't like talking about it. You know how he is, he's a practical man. I suppose ghosts don't really fit his view of the world. But my mother told me of a few strange occurrences, mostly when he was young.”

“Such as...?”

“Apparently, he came home crying one day, saying that his father, who'd been dead for two years, had tried to lure him into the graveyard, promising him candy or something of the sort.”

I shivered. “Christ.”

“She implied it was something that happened quite often when he was a child. She even said dad once insisted that a little boy from that same graveyard had tried to follow him home. But he was just a kid and they lived a few blocks away from the graveyard, you know? That could've been just his imagination.”

“I suppose. And since then, there's nothing?”

Dad paused again. He took a sharp intake of breath, then let it all out as he said, “I know he didn't go into the morgue when he worked at the hospital.”

“No one likes the morgue dad, even if they work with dead people.”

“I know, but I asked him about that. He was a surgeon, you know? He's seen plenty of dead bodies. It made no sense to me that he'd be afraid of the morgue.”

“And what did he say?”

Again, dad took his time gathering courage to answer. He finally told me, “He said the dead would follow him home. I don't know, he was a little tipsy at that point,” he added, almost apologetic.

“Maybe this is not a bad thing, you know?” I said. “I mean, if that means he can speak to his wife again-”

“I don't really like to mess with this sort of thing, Lídia,” he interrupted. “Listen, regardless, I'm coming back next week and I'll talk to him. I'll take him to a doctor to make sure everything is alright. You know his health is not what it used to be.”

I didn't insist. I guess I didn't really want to hear about the subject any more than dad didn't want to tell me about it.

I met grandpa for breakfast. He had since calmed down but sulked through the rest of the day while ignoring me. He made no mentions of grandma or ghosts or anything really. When I offered to read to him, he gave me an ugly look and said nothing. In retrospect, maybe I should have said something, but I didn't.

That night, after supper, I went back to my bedroom to play some video game on my computer. I needed something to distract me from the thought of that shadow standing over my grandpa, or little ghostly boys crawling out of their graves to chase my grandpa home. Much like my dad, I don't like to think about the supernatural very much.

It was around 1 am and I had been playing for quite some time, overhearing my grandpa snoring from the other room and feeling my eyelids becoming heavier and heavier. I was so tired that when I tried to reach for the glass of water beside my computer, I accidentally unplugged the chord and the screen went black.

There, reflected on the dark screen on my computer, I could see my grandmother behind me, staring at me from the ajar door. Except that she didn't look much like my delicate, loving grandmother Yesenia. Having the chance to look at her, I could see that her face was definitely hers, down to the very last wrinkle, but still, it wasn't. She was angry like I had never seen her in life, the expression on her face almost feral.

I didn't move a muscle, hoping she hadn't realized I'd spotted her, but she did. Her face contorted into something ugly, almost demonic, and the door slammed shut.

I jumped to my feet, sending the laptop to the floor, and I lounged myself against the door. It was locked and it wouldn't budge.

From the other side of the corridor, I heard my grandpa's soft voice waking up from slumber, saying, “Oh, my darling! My dearest!”

“No!” I shouted, at the top of my lungs. “Grandpa, that is not her! Don't let her in!”

There was a moment of silence. Then, an agonizing shriek pierced my ears, loud and terrified like I had never heard my grandpa's voice before. It only lasted a second but it froze me to my bones.

I kept banging on the door until Maria came to rescue me.

She asked me how I had managed to lock the door from the outside but I didn't answer. I pushed past her and into my grandpa's bedroom. He was lying still under the covers, mouth wide open, eyes staring at the ceiling. Behind me, I heard Maria gasp and look away.

The story that ran through my family was actually a source of great comfort. More than one person had come to me to say at least it was a good thing that he had gone peacefully in his sleep, and his wife – or some version of it – had been there to guide him to heaven.

It was a beautiful lie and I didn't correct them. I had been the one to go into his bedroom and find his body and that was not the face of a man who'd passed over to the other side peacefully. The look on his face had been nothing but pure horror. My grandpa Vítor had died screaming and I knew that the thing I'd seen in my doorway hadn't been my grandmother. It was only a simulation of her, a sheepskin the creature had shed just before taking my grandfather away from us.

I thought back to what dad had told me that morning, to the stories that he now refused to repeat to me. I thought of the dead following him home and I wondered what had taken him from us. I don't have an answer for that and I'm not sure I really want an answer because, of all the possibilities that have crossed my mind, nothing scares me as much as thinking that, whatever that thing was, it took him to place where he won't be able to see his beloved wife ever again.

[michaelfftv]

  I may have fucked up my life and it’s all Bill Murray’s fault.  I know it’s fashionable to blame Donald Trump for everything these days- and that trend will undoubtedly continue to grow, but, to be blunt, I don’t worry about Trump.

I mean I certainly understand that I’m going to suffer some terrible repercussions from his election, but at this point, it’s water under the bridge. I did my best to keep him from being elected, but the stupid, greedy, sleazy, immoral and apathetic people won and now we can all suffer the consequences. So fucking be it.

Which doesn’t mean that I’m giving up on life. I’m certainly not going to dress in sack cloth and ashes and bemoan my life or  the stupidity, immorality, greed or sleaziness of the people who elected Trump and his pack of shit brained fools. That would be a waste of my valuable and precious life, and besides, karma is going to go pitbull and tear the throat out of those greasy shitbags soon enough.

  No, it turns out that even after Trump was elected, the sun came up and the wind blew through the trees. I woke up breathing pretty much like any other day and was forced to decide what I would do with that day. and by extension, what I would do with the next week, month year and remainder of my life.

It’s obviously a decision each of us makes every day- either consciously or by default. And just because an alleged pedephile with the IQ of dog sperm is running the country, doesn’t mean that we have to pack it all end. It’s not game set and match.

So what next? That is again, obviously, dependent upon who you are and what you believe. If you believe in God, arguably it doesn’t matter which path you take, because he’s got your back no matter where you go. As God was alleged to have said in the Book of Genesis- as rewritten by King James, “And, behold, I am with thee, and will keep thee in all places whither thou goest, and will bring thee again into this land; for I will not leave thee, until I have done that which I have spoken to thee of.”

  Which- if you are a person of faith, pretty damn sweet. However (long dramatic pause)…. not all of us can rustle up that kind of blind faith no matter how hard we try, no matter how much we would like to be comforted by by said alleged god.

Which pretty much leaves me and ye of little faith standing on the side of the road, looking far into the distant and hazy horizon thinking, “well, what next?”? Or, as Jack Kerouac said, in cribbing the Lord:  “Whither goest thou, America, in thy shiny car at night?”

  To be clear and as truthful as possible in this post truth society, I don’t have a car, let alone a shiny car, but I do have a dusty, dinged up bright red pick up truck, which brings me back to Bill Murray being an asshole.

My thought at this point is that I should pack up my bright red pick up- or at the least jump on a train- and- as Huck Finn would have it- head out for the territories. Which is pretty much what I have always done.

For my own personal life narrative goes something like this: I believe that we’re born and we die and that I can’t do a damn thing about either of these conditions, but as the great sage Eddie Vedder once said, “I know I was born and I know that I’ll die, the in between is mine.”

Which brings us to the parable of the grasshopper and the ant.

THE ANT AND THE CRICKET

During the wintertime, an ant was living off the grain that he had stored up for himself during the summer. The cricket came to the ant and asked him to share some of his grain. The ant said to the cricket, ‘And what were you doing all summer long, since you weren’t gathering grain to eat?’ The cricket replied, ‘Because I was busy singing I didn’t have time for the harvest.’ The ant laughed at the cricket’s reply, and hid his heaps of grain deeper in the ground. ‘Since you sang like a fool in the summer,’ said the ant, ‘you better be prepared to dance the winter away!’ This fable depicts lazy, careless people who indulge in foolish pastimes, and therefore lose out.

This was, of course, a favorite parable of the nuns who raised me and every CEO who ever wanted to harness my energy, at minimal pay so that he might enrich his own personal coffers. The ant represents all the good boys and girls.

The cricket, of course represents all those artists and bad boys and general near do wells you so admire but never emulate in life. Those who go through life starving and scraping by and acting irresponsibly so that might, you know, enjoy life now instead of waiting till they’re nearly dead and/or in heaven- which may or may not exist.

Most of us struggle with this dichotomy. I myself spent a large part of my being a good ant. I worked for a large insurance company-  and was fantastically underpaid by said  wealthy company for a long time.

I also worked for myself. And even though I was calling the shots, I worked- for a very long time as an even more industrious ant. I worked my ass off and rendered unto Caesar and tried to be fair unto everyone- until it because very clear that the whole ant thing was a very large con game.

In writing of man’s need for certainity, conformity Maria Konnikova in her work  The Confidence Game: What Con Artists Reveal About the Psychology of Trust and Why Even the Most Rational of Us Are Susceptible to Deception, writes that:

 Human beings don’t like to exist in a state of uncertainty or ambiguity. When something doesn’t make sense, we want to supply the missing link. When we don’t understand what or why or how something happened, we want to find the explanation..

Which is why man- as a whole, is so gullible. Man and women will believe damn near anything- no matter how ridiculous the explanation, so long as the explanation serves to calm their anxious soul, serves to smooth their furrowed brow.

Oh my, we’ve stumbled into Donald Trump Territory again haven’t we.

But then it’s always been a con game. Sort of like the Plantation owners reading verses to the slaves so as to justify their enslavement. “Colossians 3:22:Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord.”

Sort of like when the banksters bankrupted America in 2008 and the government bailed them out and left the vast majority of us hanging…..

All of which is actually beside the point. Because if the question is, should one check out of society and chose to live a simple life rather than live as a rat on a treadmill counting the days till his or her first heart attack, then the answer is simple.

We should all check out and do whatever in the hell makes us happy and fuck our governmental and corporate masters.

But life never is that simple is it? Because it’s never about just us is it?

We want to believe we are the star of the show, that we are a rugged individualists. We buy wholesale into the saw that America is the land of the individual. As one writer would have it in outlining the common trope known as the rugged American, “America has been the land of the individual, and most Americans have thought of themselves as individualists. We still speak favorably of individual rights, individual initiative, individual responsibility, individual opportunity, and individual achievement.”

Which, of course is why, “the American criminal justice system holds more than 2.3 million people in 1,719 state prisons, 102 federal prisons, 942 juvenile correctional facilities, 3,283 local jails, and 79 Indian Country jails as well as in military prisons, immigration detention facilities, civil commitment centers, and prisons in the U.S. territories,” because we are the freest people in the entire solar system.”

No, the truth is that we are a nation of conformists and we hate people who go their own way. We claim to admire them, but our entire society is constructed to keep people in line because man is a conformist and American’s are no different The government is not an expression of our ideals, but an institution we have created to generate the illusion of safety we require to sleep through long winter nights. It’s in our nature, our DNA. We are programed to conform because there is safety in conformity and profit, or so  most Americans actually believe.

I trust that you appreciate that the above tale of the cricket and the ant is from Aesop’s Fables . And do you know what I learned this day from my research? Aesop was a slave. “a slave and storyteller believed to have lived in ancient Greece between 620 and 564 BCE.”

Of course there have always been those who- no matter what the odds, decide to go their own way-buck the system. They gain their freedom through cunning, wit or sheer determination. Aesops, for instance, was such a man.

While Aesops served as a slave under not one, but two masters, named, Xanthus and Iadmon, “the later gave him his freedom as a reward for his wit and intelligence. As a freedman he supposedly became involved in public affairs and traveled a lot—telling his fables along the way. King Croesus of Lydia was so impressed with Aesop that he offered him residency and a job at his court.”

In fact there are scholars who maintain that the fables served as both morality tales and as a means of  subversive, hidden speech, a means of speaking truth to the power during times of political repression.

Of course, playing both ends against the middle can always be a tricky thing- as evidenced by the fact that Aesop was executed, apparently as an act of appeasement to the gods or some offended government….

Such lessons have always been lost on some throughout history.  There have always been those who, despite history’s lessons, take to the open road nevertheless. They go in search of wisdom, riches, fame and enlightenment-satori. Some go because they simply cannot stand not to go:  Melville famously wrote in Moby Dick.

Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people’s hats off- then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can. This is my substitute for pistol and ball. With a philosophical flourish Cato throws himself upon his sword; I quietly take to the ship. There is nothing surprising in this. If they but knew it, almost all men in their degree, some time or other, cherish very nearly the same feelings towards the ocean with me.

Indeed. Is it possible to say that you have lived until you have obeyed the urge to flee?  Those who have quietly taken to ship comprise a respectable society- if not a large one.

One such kindred spirit was W. Somerset Maugham, who in 1944 published, the Razor’s Edge- which was twice made into a movie. The lead in the second movie, filmed in 1984, was, of course, played by Bill Murray in a rare early dramatic role.

The Razor’s Edge epigraph reads, “The sharp edge of a razor is difficult to pass over; thus the wise say the path to Salvation is hard.” In paraphrasing this epigraph- taken from the Katha-Upanishad- Maugham says of the mendicant seeking enlightenment, “Its a toss-up when you decide to leave the beaten track. Many are called, few are chosen.”

The actual quotation  is “Arise, awake, and learn by approaching the exalted ones, for that path is sharp as a razor’s edge, impassable, and hard to go by, say the wise.“

Which is a release  and relief when you read it.

As Americans we think that we’re entitled to whatever we want when we want.  We’re then shocked and angered when things turn against us. If, however, we’re smart enough to head out on the road knowing that freedom is a motherfucker, then we can adjust our expectations accordingly; put on our game face, bring our A game.

The Razor’s Edge tells the story of Larry Darrell, an American pilot traumatised by his experiences in World War I, who sets off in search of some transcendent meaning in his life. … His rejection of conventional life and search for meaningful experience allows him to thrive while the more materialistic characters suffer reversals of fortune. 

The book, it is said, owes much to Maugham’s Asian walkabout.  His travels allegedly included a visits to Shri Ramana Maharishi’s ashram in 1938. Maugham, some say, foresaw the West’s fascination for Eastern culture—which would not reach its zenith until some  two decades later.

  ***

I have known many crickets in my life. Some I have known personally, and others I have met through their stories and other works of art.

Many of the crickets I have known are well known, the usual suspects. The Beats, the Transcendentalists, Thoreau, the rock stars of my youth prior to rock and roll being co-opted by Madison Ave and tied to every roll of toilet paper sold in America….

And, of course, there was Joseph Campbell. The man who after reading tales of hero quests in countless cultures throughout time, encapsulated those tales in a common template which serves as the basis for nearly every tale of bravery and conquest ever written by man, or filmed by Hollywood.

I love Campbell’s explanation of the hero-quest, the hero leaves the safety of his society- normally after being ostracized or failing to conform with his society. The hero then goes out into the world where- by engaging in battles and trials, he gains wisdom. Ultimately, she or he returns home to his society bearing hard earned gifts and wisdom which benefit the society.

To Campbell, the cricket is a hero, not a slacker.Maugham as well:“You see, money to you means freedom; to me it means bondage.”

But of all the crickets I have ever met- for whatever reason- none have suckered me as badly as Bill Murray’s portrayal of Larry Darrell in the Razor’s edge. I have seen both movies and read the novel. For whatever reason, the 1984 movie and Murray’s appearance live in my head.

And I went many places and had may adventures and arguably have gained some wisdom. But I am alo now faced with the question- should I go back, can I go back. Is it too late, after spurning all appearance- for the twenty years or so, of a normal life, is it possible to go back and hide heaps of grain deeper in the ground? 

Because here’s the problem. Early on in your life you’re going to make the choice to be an ant or a cricket- either consciously or by default or through inertia and apathy.  What no one will tell you though is that there comes a point in time- far sooner than you will appreciate, when you can no longer go back.

And so I went, for years, for decades. And winter now approaches. Larry Darrell: “It’s easy to be a holy man on top of a mountain.” Which is true enough.  It’s also a very tough gig to be a holy man in America, in Milford Ohio, in 2017.

Maugham’s hero aso says that, “I found out there’s another debt to pay – for the privilege of being alive.” I’ve been chewing on that for a long time now. Do we owe for our birth? Do we owe to others? To whom and what?

Specifically, in my case- what do I owe to my sons, especially my schizophrenic sons. Do I work every minute for the rest of my life to help provide for them- or do I still owe myself a life? Is there a balance, and if so where is the line and who gets to draw it? Me, them, the church, the government?

  Maugham: “Nothing in the world is permanent, and we’re foolish when we ask anything to last, but surely we’re still more foolish not to take delight in it while we have it. If change is of the essence of existence one would have thought it only sensible to make it the premise of our philosophy.”

Which, at the end of the day doesn’t really answer the question. Which is too bad, because I don’t have the answer either. Which is really too bad- because I very much need the answer. Because if it isn’t too late, it’s getting close to too late for me.

All I know for certain is that if there is an answer out there, it lies on the road. If I have learned nothing I have learned that there is no wisdom and objectivity like the wisdom of the road.

I know there are also wise men and women out there. So I’ll go in search of both and I’m no coming back until I have the answers I need.  I know there answers I need and the people I need to meet are out there.  Again, as Maugham has written; “Almost all the people who’ve had the most effect on me I seem to have met by chance, yet looking back it seems as though I couldn’t but have met them.”

So I go. I go to speak to the road, to speak with cranes and eagles and geese and deer and wise men and wise women and holy men and we shall see. Most of all I’m going because I can- I know I owe myself that.

“I don’t think I shall ever find peace till I make up my mind about things,’ he said gravely. He hesitated. ‘It’s very difficult to put into words. The moment you try you feel embarrassed. You say to yourself: “Who am I that I should bother myself about this, that, and the other? Perhaps it’s only because I’m a conceited prig. Wouldn’t it be better to follow the beaten track and let what’s coming to you come?” And then you think of a fellow who an hour before was full of life and fun,and he’s lying dead; it’s all so cruel and meaningless. It’s hard not to ask yourself what life is all about and whether there’s any sense to it or whether it’s all a tragic blunder of blind fate.”

And so I go and I’m not coming back until I have answers. Maybe not the answer, but answers that let me sleep at night. I’ll see you then. Maybe I’m a fool, maybe not.

It’s interesting to note that after the Razor’s Edge and flying home from Nepal to do Ghost Busters; which was Murray’s price- his tradeoff- for being able to make TRE- he quit acting for four years and moved his family to Paris. He studied philosophy at the Sorbonne.

Maybe in the end, the only true suckers are those who never take the time to seriously ask themselves what this life is about. Maybe those are the people who need to comfort themselves with self serving parables.

Maybe I’m insane. Time will tell. More later.

Questions Pt. 1 (or, Bill Murray Is An Asshole).   I may have fucked up my life and it's all Bill Murray's fault.  I know it's fashionable to blame Donald Trump for everything these days- and that trend will undoubtedly continue to grow, but, to be blunt, I don't worry about Trump.