#CA Final Time Table For May 2019

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CA Final Time Table May 2019 | Revised Exam Dates For CA Final Exams (Old and New Syllabus)

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CA Final Time Table May 2019 | Revised Exam Dates For CA Final Exams (Old and New Syllabus)

CA Final Time Table May 2019 | Revised Exam Dates For CA Final Exams (Old and New Syllabus Students). In the previous articles, we have given the CA Final Revision Test Papers (RTP) and CA Final Mock Test Papers (MTP) for May 2019 attempt. Today we are providing CA Final exams timetable for May 2019. The Institute of Chartered Accountants of India conducts CA Final exams twice in a year in the months of May and November. Recently ICAI has released an official notification about the CA Final exams date sheet 2019 (सीए फाइनल टाइमटेबल) for both old and new syllabus courses. In the given notification, ICAI announced that CA Final exams will be conducted from 27th May 2019. Due to elections, this time CA Final exams will be conducted in the last week of May instead of the first week of May 2019. Students who want to write exams in May 2019, should submit their application form for the exam before 16th March 2019. With late fee of Rs 600/-, you can also submit before 23rd March 2019.

CA Final Time Table For May 2019 (Old Syllabus)

On May 3rd 2019, ICAI released an official notification about the postponement of CA exams. In the given notification ICAI has announced that paper-4 and paper-5 in CA Final (both old and new syllabus) are postponed to 4th and 13th June 2019 respectively.

Check below CA Final exam date sheet May 2019 for the old syllabus.

Group -1 Paper Subject Date Day Timings 1 Financial Reporting 27th May 2019 Monday 2.00 P.M. to 5.00 P.M. 2 Strategic Financial Management 29th May 2019 Wednesday 2.00 P.M. to 5.00 P.M. 3 Advanced Auditing and Professional Ethics 31st May 2019 Friday 2.00 P.M. to 5.00 P.M. 4 Corporate and Allied Laws 4th June 2019 Tuesday 2.00 P.M. to 5.00 P.M. Group – 2 5 Advanced Management Accounting 13th June 2019 Thursday 2.00 P.M. to 5.00 P.M. 6 Information Systems Control and Audit 7th June 2019 Friday 2.00 P.M. to 5.00 P.M. 7 Direct Tax Laws 9th June 2019 Sunday 2.00 P.M. to 5.00 P.M. 8 Indirect Tax Laws 11th June 2019 Tuesday 2.00 P.M. to 5.00 P.M.

Note:

Examination timings at Abu Dhabi and Dubai Centres will be 12.30 P.M. to 03.30 P.M. UAE local time equivalent to 2.00 P.M. to 5.00 P.M. (IST).

Examination timings at Doha Centre will be 11.30 A.M. to 02.30 P.M. Doha local time corresponding/equivalent to 2.00 P.M. to 5.00 P.M. (IST).

Examination timings at Kathmandu centre will be 02.15 P.M. to 05.15 P.M. Nepal local time equivalent to 02.00 P.M. to 05.00 P.M. (IST).

Examination timings at Muscat centre will be 12.30 P.M. to 3.30 P.M. Oman local time equivalent to 02.00 P.M. to 05.00 P.M. (IST).

CA Final Exam Dates For May 2019 (New Syllabus)

Check below CA Final exam schedule May 2019 for the new syllabus.

Group -1 Paper Subject Date Day Timings 1 Financial Reporting 27th May 2019 Monday 2.00 P.M. to 5.00 P.M. 2 Strategic Financial Management 29th May 2019 Wednesday 2.00 P.M. to 5.00 P.M. 3 Advanced Auditing and Professional Ethics 31st May 2019 Friday 2.00 P.M. to 5.00 P.M. 4 Corporate and Economic Laws 4th June 2019 Tuesday 2.00 P.M. to 5.00 P.M. Group – 2 5 Strategic Cost Management and Performance Evaluation 13th June 2019 Thursday 2.00 P.M. to 5.00 P.M. 6

Risk Management

Financial Services and Capital Markets

International Taxation

Economic Laws

Global Financial Reporting Standards

Multidisciplinary Case Study

7th June 2019 Friday 2.00 P.M. to 5.00 P.M. 7 Direct Tax Laws and International Taxation 9th June 2019 Sunday 2.00 P.M. to 5.00 P.M. 8 Indirect Tax Laws 11th June 2019 Tuesday 2.00 P.M. to 5.00 P.M.

Note: Examination Timings

For Papers 1,2,3,4,5 ,6,7 &8 For all Domestic centres For centres in Abu Dhabi, Doha, Dubai and Muscat For centre in Kathmandu For Centre in Doha For Papers

1,2,3,4,5 ,7 &8

2.00 P.M to 5.00 P.M (IST) 12.30 P.M to 3.30 P.M (U.A.E Local Time) 2.15 P.M to 5.15 P.M (Nepal Local Time) 11.30 A.M to 2.30 P.M (Doha Local Time) For Paper 6 2.00 P.M to 6.00 P.M (IST) 12.30 P.M to 4.30 P.M (U.A.E Local Time) 2.15 P.M to 6.15 P.M (Nepal Local Time) 11.30 A.M to 3.30 P.M (Doha Local Time)

CA Final Exam Fee for May 2019 (Old and New Syllabus)

Check below CA Final exam fees for May 2019 attempt for both and new syllabus courses.

Examination Name Group Details for Fees

For Indian Centres

CA Final Both Groups Rs. 3300 Single Group Rs. 1800

For Overseas Centres

CA Final Both Groups US$ 550 Single Group US$ 325

For Kathmandu Centre

CA Final Both Groups INR 4000 Single Group INR 2200 Late Fees Rs 600 0r $10

Important Dates of CA Final May 2019 Exam

Let’s check important dates for CA Final exam 2019 both old and new syllabus.

Particulars Date Last Date for Online Submission of form without late fee 16th March 2019 Last Date for Online Submission of form with late fee 23rd  March 2019 Hosting of Correction Window -I [(without fee) will be available for one week from the date of hosting] 27th March to 2nd April 2019 Hosting of Correction Window -II [(with fee) 10th May to 19th May 2019 Group – 1 Exam Dates 27th, 29th, 31st May 2019 and 4th June 2019 Group – 2 Exam Dates 13th(Paper-5)7th, 9th and 11th June 2019 Admit Cards Releases on 6th May 2019 Results Available on 12th August 2019

Must Check:

10 Days Before Exam – Study Tips For CA Final Students

Changes In CA Final Exams May 2019 – MCQs, Timings, New Exam Pattern

Download CA Final MCQ’s Sample Papers by ICAI

MCQ’s in CA Final From May 2019 (Old and New Courses)

With effect from May 2019 examinations, following papers of Final exam (both under old and new syllabus) will have multiple choice questions to the tune of 30 marks and other questions of descriptive nature to the tune of 70 marks.

Final (New) Final (Old) Paper Subject Paper Subject 3 Advanced Auditing and Professional Ethics 3 Advanced Auditing and Professional Ethics 4 Corporate and Economic Laws 4 Corporate and Allied Laws 7 Direct Tax laws and International Taxation 6 Information Systems Control and Audit 8 Indirect Taxes 7 Direct Tax Laws – 8 Indirect Tax Law

Details are as follows:

(i) In each of the above papers, the weightage for objective type questions would be 30%. The remaining questions i.e., 70% of the paper would be as per the present pattern of assessment.

(ii) The objective type questions will be for 30 Marks in each 100 marks paper. They would be in the nature of multiple choice questions (MCQs) carrying 1 or 2 marks. Each MCQ will have 4 options, out of which 1 option would be the correct answer. The 1 mark MCQs would be in the range of 10 to 16 MCQs; the 2 marks MCQs would be in the range of 7 to 10 MCQs.

(iii) The MCQs will be compulsory and there would be no internal or external choice in them.

(iv) The MCQs may be either knowledge-based or application-based. The skill level would be either “knowledge and comprehension” or “application and analysis”.

(v) There will be no negative marking for wrong answers.

(vi) No reasoning is required for answers to MCQs.

Option to answer Papers in Hindi

Candidates of the Final examination are allowed to opt for Hindi Medium for answering question papers. Candidates desirous of answering papers in Hindi shall exercise their option at the very outset while making an application for admission to the examination by filling the relevant columns.

The option is available for all the papers of a group or both groups in entirety, as may be applicable. In other words, if a candidate appears in a single Group, he/she can opt for Hindi medium only for that group. If he/she appears in both the Groups then he/she has to exercise option for both the groups and not for a single group. No paper-wise option is allowed. If a candidate, who has not exercised his/her option to answer the papers in Hindi, however, answers them in Hindi, he/she will not get any credit for his/her answer.

The option once exercised shall be final and cannot be changed subsequently. In the absence of a clear indication by the candidate about the medium opted by him/her, the English medium will be taken as the medium of option. If a Hindi medium candidate answers all questions or a question or part thereof in English, he will not get any credit for such an answer.

However, Hindi medium candidates can write Numbers, Figures, Technical phrases/terms in English and can also solve numerical questions in English. Similarly, if an English medium candidate answers all questions or a question or part thereof in Hindi, he will not get any credit for such an answer.

We hope with the help of this article, now you know the CA Final exams timetable for May 2019 (सीए फाइनल टाइमटेबल) and changes in CA Final exams pattern. Still, if you have any doubts regarding CA Final exam dates/date sheet then you can ask in our Forum. Our experts and members will try to help you. Bookmark this page because if there is any postponement of exams then we will be updated here. You can also download the latest GST amendments materials, CA Final guess question papers from our forum. Don’t forget to share this article with your friends who are going to write CA Final exams in May 2019.

[oh-styles]

Something About a Loss: Part I

Disclaimer: Before we jump in, I want to disclose that this chapter talks heavily about miscarriage, and depicts violence and bouts of depression. If it is something you aren’t comfortable with, I advise you to skip this one.

In addition, I found this chapter extremely hard to find a finishing point on. I feel it is not as good as my other works, simply because it’s sad as fuck. I don’t write sad stuff well, and I know this now. Nevertheless, I did it. 

I also advise that if you are sad after finishing this, you stream Lights Up.

May 18, 2019 Los Angeles, CA

You were ill, and infallibly ill, at that. Since the days leading up to this very moment, the one where you are splayed over the king size mattress with a thin sheet covering half of your exposed body – you can’t decide if you’re hot or cold – you swear up and down you have purged at least half of your body weight. Harry, who was as well as a whistle, claimed you just had a stomach bug, but felt confident enough to remain by your side despite the risk of germs.

“I can pop to the shops real quick, get you some ginger ale?... What sounds good, pet?”

Death. Death sounds good.

You don’t want to risk moving – or risk any movement, really – for the sole sake of your sensitive stomach that is one head acknowledgement away from projectile vomiting like you were in a poorly casted remake of The Exorcist. You can sense Harry standing beside you, and after a beat with no response, he reaches his hand out and holds it front of your mouth to confirm you are still indeed breathing.

“You still with me, sweets?” You wiggle your toe rapidly. “Is that a yes…?” Wiggle. “Alright, I’ll be back in a bit, okay? You want anything else? Crackers?” He’s met with silence, but he watches you from the doorway – giving a subtle glance to your big toe – and nods to himself. “Is it okay if I take y’car? Mine’s low on petrol and I don’t feel like—”

“Keys in purse,” you mumble into your pillow, pulling a hand free from the sheets and pointing somewhere towards the corner of the room.

“Right,” he spots the Gucci bag hanging on the closet door. “I won’t be long.”

But be long, he did, but it wasn’t his fault, really. He had to remind himself he couldn’t get sidetracked, that he had a sick girlfriend back home waiting for him, so he needed to promptly check off his mental grocery list and be out the door before you could say Harry Styles. But, it’s right as he’s awkwardly carrying three Canada Dry’s, and beginning to regret passing on grabbing a basket, that he hears it.

“Harry Styles!”

It was a few photos and a video of a cool hat trick later that he finally found himself tucked away safely back in your car.

“Alright, sicky, I’m home.” He nudges the bedroom door open with a light kick and sets the bag of drinks down on the end of the bed. Where he left you, just a mere thirty minutes before, is now empty, and he spots where you kicked off the sheets in a clear haste; it was no telling where you are now. He can hear the harsh guttural retching from the bathroom door, and with a peek inside, there you were, lay stark naked on the opaque tiles. “Blood hell, pet.”

“I think I’ve fallen ill,” you mutter against the toilet seat. That was a major understatement if he’s ever heard one. This was the second day you’ve been stumbling into the bathroom at all hours of the day, seemingly fine just moments before. It was hard telling how much longer this could last, but Harry already decided by tomorrow he was willing to take you to the doctor if no symptoms have let up.

You were not having it; you had fully accepted death if it meant avoiding any doctors office--needles, blood tests, what have you. It was just a stomach bug, one that would pass, and you’d rather not waste his time and money on something that can be treated with water, rest and back rubs.

Though, the following morning, after you were finished purging your breakfast into the toilet, you spotted Harry in the doorway of the bathroom with your shoes in hand, and a sullen, sunken face.

“Alright, let’s go, pet.”

You were 24-years-old, an adult woman, who at the mention of anything medical, instantly recoils into a ball on the floor. No, sir. There was no way you were going. Water, rest, and backrubs--that’s all you needed, thank you. But, unfortunately for you, your boyfriend stood firmly in the doorway, and already prepared himself for such a reaction.

“There could be something seriously wrong with you, pet. Read something about a parasite--”

“A fucking parasite.”

“It’s just a thought--”

“Something could be growing inside me?”

There was more on his mind than just a fucking parasite, but he couldn’t find the words to say them, not with you hyperventilating on the bathroom for in fear of having to see a doctor. In truth, it was the first thing that came up when he searched your symptoms, and when he called the doctor that morning, they too agreed you come in for tests.

If he were to say the p-word, your panicking might only intensify. It’s not that you didn’t want kids, but it wasn’t something that was exactly on the table for discussion as of late. Was it something you could see yourself doing in the future? Of course, but that was in the future, maybe a couple years from now. You still relied on your boyfriend to remind you to take your vitamins; there was no way you were ready for a baby.

As for Harry, ever since the first morning you chucked yourself off the bed and raced to the bathroom, he knew; it was this gut feeling most would describe as an intuition, and with every passing day, it would only grow in size. If it wasn’t the morning sickness, it was you sleeping your days away, and complaining about the tenderness of your breasts.

You just thought your period was coming.

“Or...you could be pregnant.”

He had his assistant drop off a few tests that morning while you were still asleep, and maybe it was a father's instinct, but he knew the outcome before you even had to glance down at the test. He made a deal with you, if the tests came back negative, they would see a doctor. If they were positive, he’d give the two of you a day to let the shock settle.

He was relatively surprised by how resilient you were when he handed over the tests. There were three boxes, six in total. Throughout the day you would take one, which was easy because your urgency to pee had sparked over the last few days, and whatever response it gave you, you would make a note of it.

By the third pregnant, you stopped taking them.

Harry was making lunch, and the only thing you felt you could stomach was cooked spaghetti, minus the sauce. You sauntered down the stairs, the tests concealed in a ziplock bag, and tossed them up onto the kitchen counter.

“I want eggs instead.”

“Oh, yeah?” He didn’t bother to glance back at you. “Scrambled? Poached?”

“Fertilized.”

He was spreading mayonnaise onto a piece of bread, and you think he might’ve not heard you, but it was once he twisted the lid back on, setting the knife on the edge of the sink, that he turned around, that you realize he’d been crying.

“So,” he sniffs, a smile spreading wide. “We’re having a baby?”

It’s then that you pull out your phone, and do a quick Spotify search, fast forward the song until you’re reached the chorus, before you hit play on Kiwi.

* June 10, 2019 Los Angeles, CA

“Think we can snatch up some Cinnabon today, muscles? I got a hankering for some cinnamon on buns.”

At first glance, you don’t look any different; not from the day before, anyway. To any new pair of eyes, you’re just an ordinary woman who insists on stopping to pet every dog that passes by, and who trips over her shoelace she refuses to tie. No stranger would be vaguely aware of the hidden secret laid burrowed deep inside the swell of her stomach.

“Is it you that wants it, or baby bean?”

You snicker, but you damn well knew the answer. The little baby bean laid protectively inside of you just entered its ninth week of development, and you were proud to say it was the size of an almond. You spent the greater portion of the morning studying over all the changes the little one would be making, and the sexual organs were one of them.

“Okay, get this. It says that the gonads have become either testes or ovaries. We actually have a boy or girl—or whatever it wants to be, that’s their choice, but testes and ovaries, babe!”

You knew it would still be some time before you found out the gender, but it didn’t stop either one of you starting a list of names written in the Notes section in your phone.

“I really like Lily…or Meadow,” you inquire from the kitchen, as you dip a carrot into a tub of ranch. “Maybe even Moonbeam?”

“Moonbeam. Moonbeam Styles.”

“Could be a middle name, too. Meadow Moonbeam.”

“Babe, our child wasn’t conceived at Woodstock.”

No, but the thought crossed your mind frequently as to when your egg had openly welcomed your boyfriend’s sperm, and after some math and a doctor’s visit, you were left with a definitive time: late march, or March 29, to be exact.

“I think you knocked me up after the Rock ‘n’ Roll thing.”

“The Rock ‘n’ Roll thing,” Harry rolls his eyes.

“I remember—I was on my period the week before, and I didn’t want you anywhere near me, and I remember once we were in New York it was finally over, and after the Stevie Nicks thing—” You could see him roll his eyes once more. “—we went back to the hotel and we fucked like…all night, practically.”

“Okay, but you know that doesn’t mean it was that night.”

“Listen, okay. Because of the time change, I forgot to take my pill that day, so I doubled the next day, but because I missed—”

“How do you remember this stuff?”

“Just let me finish, will you!”

In the end, despite your distinguishing facts, the boy that laid sprawled out on the sofa in nothing but his underwear, still was doubtful whether to believe your undeniable facts. Yes, you were right that the two of you did get down and dirty that night, but you also got down and dirty for likely many nights after that, but he’s aware of how stubborn you are, and let you have this one thing.

“I can’t believe it… I bet it was because you were around Stevie Nicks. She put a spell on your sperm, I bet.”

*

June 18, 2019 Wembley Arena, London, UK

“Are you going to ask Stevie Nicks if she put a spell on your sperm?”

“Pet, I will leave you in the car.”

“No, no, I’ll be good, I promise!”

“And don’t…give anything away.”

You were one who did well with keeping secrets, but this secret was nestled away inside of your body, and it was only a matter of time before that secret was impractical to hide. You and Harry had decided that you would tell family and friends by the twelfth week, because there was something he read about most miscarriages happening in the first trimester – for whatever reason – and it was just better to wait until that risk was lower.

“It’s literally a week away—a week. A week, Harry.”

“6 days, actually.” He pulls his hoodie up and over his head, tousling his hair in the process. “Can wait 6 days, yeah?”

“You’re asking the impossible of me!”

“I’m asking you to not tell my mother I knocked you up.”

Knocked up. This wasn’t some one-night stand bullshit—though, you might recall him shoving your face into the bedsheets and ramming himself into you dripping cunt quicker than you could say, “Yes, baby, right there!” You like to imagine the conception of your child was a moment filled with love and passion, but you can’t lie to yourself and ignore the fact he spit in your mouth, and after he came in you, making you stand and let the cum drip down your thighs while he got off to it on the bed.

No, your child was created by love, dammit!

“Don’t tell Anne we made love and are having a baby, got it!”

Even he knows ‘making love’ wasn’t what you would call it, and the long pause as the two of you walked into the venue was more than proof of that.

Despite being given this absurd task of not letting any cats out of any bags, you did manage to keep your mouth closed upon the arrival of Anne Twist. She was quick to swoop you in her arms, planting a kiss on your cheek, and even rubbing a thumb over your cheek, saying something about your clear complexion.

“Your skin is looking beautiful, darling. Are you using something new?”

Pregnancy hormones. “Vitamins.”

“Oh, what kind?”

Pre-natal. “Hair, skin and nails.”

“Well, you are looking very healthy.” She really was none the wiser, well, up until moments later when you turned down a glass of wine backstage.

“I, uh, was really hung over this morning. Was throwing up all night. Pretty gross stuff.” You weren’t entirely fibbing. You and your unborn child have been playing a cat-and-mouse game of whether it will agree with what you eat or not. Last night, turns out, it did not particularly care much for the chicken and rice Harry had cooked up. “Just sticking with water tonight.”

Two days later, you and Harry attended the wedding of Amy and Mike, which was just another imminent disaster just scheduled to happen. It was one thing biting your tongue for one person, but that evening, you would have his entire family on your tail, and you aren’t completely confident on how many lies you can pull out of your ass in one evening.

But, it was that morning, after waking up in a haste and purging every last bit of your late dinner – you sometimes get hungry around 2 am – that you realize, staring back at you in the mirror, is the well-defined beginnings of a bump. Before, it only looked like you had spent your afternoon at an all-you-can-eat buffet, but now, you were pregnant. There was no way José you could fool anyone into believing you were just simply bloated from a big lunch.

“I think if the morning sickness gets any worse, we should try those pills the doctor was telling you about.” You hear Harry rustling around in the bedroom, seemingly on the hunt for the little slip of paper with the prescription. “D’ya want some toast, love?”

You heard a light tap on the other side of the door, and it was once he peeked his head in, that he spotted you, standing bare-chested in front of the mirror, and the obvious little convex mass that he swears up and down was not there a minute ago.

“We have to tell them.”

“Babe—”

“Your mom is already onto me, and I’m only going to get bigger.”

“You can’t announce pregnancies at weddings—that’s a law, or summit, yeah?”

“Well, this wouldn’t be a problem now if we had just told them earlier.”

“All of the books say it’s best to wait—”

“Well, fuck waiting—I’m fucking massive now!”

You ended up arriving late to the wedding, and considerably disorderly, after having to redo your makeup in the venue bathroom because you started crying on your way there because you saw a bird. No, that’s it. Just a bird, one that you thought looked very beautiful. You knew there was no way you could finish the night without crying at least five more times.

Your excuse for that: “Oh, probably going to start my period soon!” They’d get the truth soon enough.

*

June 28, 2019 New York, New York

“You’re actually going to wear that shirt to dinner,” you affirm, giving your hand a little wave in the air to help dry your nails. Harry gives a brief glance down at his top, stretching it at the bottom to admire it fully. “There isn’t anything else you could wear?”

“What’s wrong with m’shirt?”

“It says Safe Sex…like, in big letters—can’t miss ‘em.” It’s then, with a little more observation, you notice the two figures, and how they each appear to be holding— “No, for fucks sake, Harry. You aren’t wearing that outside of this hotel room.”

“It’s a nice shirt.”

“They are whacking each other off!”

“It’s a Keith Haring, darling. Get with the times.”

In the end, after much persuasion – and a threatening promise of spilling red wine all over his vintage top – he wore the shirt to dinner. A nice restaurant, mind you. One where the appetizer costs as much as a normal entrée at Applebee’s, and to fork the bill at the end of the night, you’d have to ask politely if they accept payment plans.

“Babe, stop looking at the cocktail menu.”

“I’m just looking.”

“You’re going to upset yourself because you can’t have any of it.”

“Babe, they put an actual egg white in a White Lady… Fucking rich people, let me tell you what…” And leave it to the rich guy sat in front of you to wear a shirt promoting masturbation to a 5-star restaurant.

“Maybe I can get the little Styles a matching one, so they can match with their daddy.” You saw the corner of his mouth twitch at the word; he still was getting used to the idea of being a father in the coming months.

“You’d actually be fine with your newborn child wearing a onesie that says Safe Sex?”

And after a moment’s thought, he didn’t bring the topic up again.

In the month since you found out about the pregnancy, there were many lifestyle changes you inevitably would have to change. For one, you weren’t allowed to stand in front of the microwave anymore, nor could you lay on your stomach, because you might ‘squish’ the baby. You tried to explain to your boyfriend that your child was practically the size of an almond, and laying on your stomach would do it no possible harm, but he wasn’t having any of it.

As if giving up alcohol was bad enough, you were forced to abandon your love for seafood. There was a list of things you could eat in moderation, but you weren’t exactly sure how to eat lobster in moderation.

You also spent an hour crying when you were told you couldn’t eat cookie dough do to the raw eggs.

“Love, you shouldn’t be eating it anyway!”

“It’s fucking good, Harry! Like you would know. The only sweet shit you put near your mouth is my cunt.”

Harry realized very early on that pregnancy, for you, was just a rollercoaster of hormones, and he better strap in for the ride. After he had told you that you had to give up coffee and sushi, you locked yourself in the bathroom while you cried in the bathtub.

“You hate me!”

“I don’t hate you! That stuff just isn’t good for the baby.”

“If it’s my baby, it’ll want it!”

You stayed locked in the bathroom for an hour, and only came out because you forgot there was a new episode of This Is Us. Harry then spent the next thirty minutes online trying to track down a eggless cookie dough recipe he could make, that way you could stop giving him the stink eye from across the room.

He was lucky you didn’t make him sleep on the couch that night.

* June 29, 2019 New York, New York

Tonight was your last night in New York, and you would then spend a week in London before heading out to Canada to enjoy a nice, serene vacation with the Gerber’s. Harry called your little holiday in Muskoka a pre-babymoon, but all you wanted was a vacation. You knew it would be later in the year when his schedule began to pick up, and all of the plans they have been deriving for months would finally be set in motion, so it was not set in stone as to when an actual babymoon could fit in that timeline or not.

“We’ll make something work, love.” Harry bumps his hip out and taps your side. “You’re not due until December; I know we can get away for a week.”

December 20th, to be exact. Harry had his fingers crossed for a Christmas baby, but the last thing you wanted was to spend the holidays overdue, trying to push a small human out of your vagina. If you could have it your way, Christmas would be spent cuddled on the sofa with a cup of hot chocolate, your baby girl – or boy – fast asleep in its My First Christmas onesie, snoozing soundly on your chest. Harry would be off in the corner, taking aesthetic photos of you by the Christmas tree, and maybe he would find himself cuddled into your side for a little family nap.

But that was still six months away.

Harry was off doing a photoshoot for Rolling Stone, so you spent your afternoon back at the hotel with his debit card, buying every stretch mark cream that promised fast results, and ramen from GrubHub. You were also mildly surprised when your child decided it liked your lunch choice and let you digest it properly.

“So, we know you like ramen… I’ll make a note of that.” You smile, giving gentle rubs to your little bump. “I think next we should try some… Oh, dumplings sound good. Think you want some dumplings, little bean?”

And once again, you right back on GrubHub.

“Daddy will be back soon, and then we’ll go back on a plane and be home… Nana said she got you some stuff, so we’ll have to check that out, huh?”

You like to imagine that they’re bundled inside you, nodding along to everything you say. “Well, yes, I would like to check out what Nana got me!” Though, only the size of a lemon, your little, growing human has developed vocal cords, teeth, and even fingerprints.

So far, the pregnancy has been pretty smooth sailing for you. You feel like you spent most of the first trimester asleep or puking, but now you’re finding yourself up and moving, doing the dishes and laundry, vacuuming, and trying to find some time to spend in the bedroom.

The idea of sex while you had a growing fetus taking up your insides, for a lack of better words, freaked the fuck out of you both. Would it hurt? Would it damage anything? Every article you read online sufficed your thoughts, but you wouldn’t let Harry’s penis near you until your OB gave you the green light, and once that green light was lit, the two of you didn’t waste a moment.

You also didn’t really imagine the first time having sex since you two found out you were expecting would result in him calling his mom immediately after. In his defense, you trust Anne, and she’s been through this twice, so she must have all the answers. But, I think the last thing anyone would want is having their boyfriend call their mother after they’ve finished fucking you, to ask if it’s normal for their girlfriend to bleed a little.

“Yes, Harry… a little is normal…”

You texted her a few minutes later to apologize.

“I can’t believe you called your mom.”

“I panicked!”

“I don’t like it when she knows we’ve had sex.”

“Well…you are pregnant…with my child… Had to have m’cock in ya for that to happen.”

Harry didn’t waste any time getting back to the hotel after his shoot, and just like every morning right as he wakes up, he made a beeline to your bump and greeted it with a little kiss. “Hello, little bean. Did ya keep y’mum company today?” And of course, a kiss for you. “Are you all packed? Probably going to leave here in a few—flight leaves in two hours.”

“Yep, and—” You watch as he strolls around the room, picking up his phone charger and tosses it in his bag. His eyes, they were different. They were darker. They— “Eyeliner? They really put you in eyeliner?”

“Oh, yeah.” He grins, throwing on his jacket. “I wanted to get back here, so I didn’t bother taking it off.”

“You look like you belong in a pop punk band that writes songs about how much they hate their hometown but refuse to leave.”

Thirty minutes later, and the three of you were out the door. His driver was parked outside, and felt informed to give a heads up that a group of girls were beginning to form outside the building. This wasn’t your first time, nor would it be your last. At this point, all you could do was shrug your shoulders and carry on. All the times before, they never pay much attention to you, nor have they ever bothered to do so.

You noticed how Harry grew silent on the elevator, and even made the comment, “Stay close to me. Don’t stop for anyone.” You felt that was the baby talking, because the last thing he could imagine happening was lingering outside too long and getting jostled.

Outside the doors, he spotted the driver waiting outside the car door, and he reached his hand back to find yours. “Just stay close. We’ll be quick.”

You could hear the screaming through the glass doors, and once you were outside it was amplified. Girls were shoving, and reaching their arms out as far as they could, trying their best to get that small, brief touch. You kept your hand bound tight with his, your eyes fixated on the ground, and you knew you were only a few feet away from the car, until you felt a sudden, deafening whack across your back, one that sent you flying forward into Harry’s jacket.

Before you could find your footing, you felt a pair of hands tangle and twist itself in your hair, and you were violently thrown back, colliding with a hard blow on the pavement.

You could hear the screaming – much different than from before – and most certainly not from the same person. When you opened your eyes, all you could see were a pair of shoes, but they became closer and closer until you felt the kick strike your stomach, and again to your jaw.

“Get the fuck off of her!”

“Go fucking die, cunt!” Spat.

You didn’t realize you had been shielding your face until you felt a pair of hands reach out, taking your in theirs. You saw a brief glimpse of a cross tattoo, and were swiftly lifted up and settled in the backseat of the car.

*

Two hours ago, it had a heartbeat. It had told you how much it enjoyed the ramen and dumplings, and how excited it was to hear about the presents its Nana had gotten them. It was only the size of a lemon and had developed teeth and vocal cords and fingerprints. It was close to 3 inches long, and not even a full pound in weight, and now it’s all gone.

There wasn’t going to be a Christmas birthday. You weren’t going to sit on the sofa with a cup of hot chocolate, with your newborn asleep on your chest. There wasn’t going to be photos taken by your boyfriend, ones he would show off to every one of his friends.

All the names would go unused. Meadow Moonbeam, Lily Magnolia, Sunshine Rainbow were all ceased to exist now. There would be no family now, just the two of you.

You listen to the nurse talk, and you watch Harry sit beside you, but you don’t say a word. You stare at the ceiling tiles and count 94, and once you’ve finished you notice she’s still talking, so you recount again, but this time you get 95. Maybe the room is just getting bigger, or you’re just getting smaller.

Harry adjusts himself in his seat and squeezes your hand. When you peak a glimpse over, you notice his eyeliner is now smeared, mostly having been rubbed off, and you can confirm that by the black mark on his hand. He says something to you, and you stare at his lips as he repeats it, but all the worlds fly over your head like the wind.

“Pet,” he says again, and this time you acknowledge him. “We can go. You don’t have to say here.”

You’ve already spoken to the police, given your statement. There wasn’t much of a statement to give, anyway. You didn’t see the person; hell, you weren’t even sure if there was just one. They could have had three heads; you really didn’t know. All you remember is the voice.

“Go fucking die, cunt!”

It wasn’t me who died.

There weren’t much more the nurses could do, at least not now, anyway. The nurse – you think her name was Nancy – said there was a chance you could need a D&C, and she went over the details, but you blocked her out. Harry even excused himself out of the room.

Before she left, she dropped a sonogram photo down on the side of the bed, the last picture you’d ever get of your child.

It’s been two hours, and you’ve not said a word. You reach down to feel your bump, to confirm to yourself it is still there, to make sure it wasn’t taken away from you while you weren’t looking. There wasn’t a heartbeat, but you bump remained untouched.

“Sweetheart, we can go. We don’t have to stay.”

You don’t even realize he’s returned, but he’s standing by the end of your bed, and the moment you notice his red nose – the light sniffle gave it away – you immediately reach out to grab the ultrasound photo, tucking it away at your side.

He keeps saying that, but once you leave, it’s really over. Those few months you had spent lying to your friends and family, keeping your little bump a secret, was all for nothing. It was all done. Finished. There was nothing to come tomorrow. No new development news next week. No waking up to Harry draped over your stomach, leaving a trail of drool on your shirt. No kisses, no change, no baby. It was all back to the beginning now, before you met your baby bean.

But life was different back then, because you hadn’t known what special love it gave you, and now that love has been taken away, and you’re just supposed to find your footing again and carry on like nothing happened. It’s only been two hours, but you don’t believe that’s possible.

You stay at the hospital for an hour more, until it’s been confirmed that you and Harry have another flight, this time at a different airport. Instead of JFK, you would be driving to Queens to leave out of LaGuardia.

“Hun,” you hear him walk around to the other side of the bed, reaching down to grab your shoes. “I love you.”

You can’t turn around, not with the pain still inching all across your abdomen, but you feel the weight shift on the mattress, and all of a sudden, a pair of arms wrap around your chest, pushing you back against his chest. It’s silent for just a moment, until a retching sob expels from the back of his throat, and he lays his head on your shoulder, and all you could feel where his tears drenching your skin.

His hand falls and lands on your bump – still there -  and it rests there for a while, softly rubbing little circles back and forth, his way of giving his baby bean one last goodbye. You feel him kiss the inside of your neck, and with another sniff, he steps away, and helps you into your shoes.

The two of you leave out of a back entrance where your vehicle is waiting, and in silence, you sit unmoving. You check once again to make sure your bump hasn’t disappeared.

It’s all you have left.

At LaGuardia, you’re escorted in by security, through another back entrance, and only once does Harry stop to take a couple photos. You stand silently, watching the interaction, and you’re astounded at how calm his demeanor is, where just forty-five minutes ago, he was at the hospital sobbing into your neck. You don’t understand how he could pose and smile – if you can call that a smile – despite having been given the news just hours before that his unborn child is dead.

It sounds vulgar; you hate the word dead, but that’s the reality of it now. It’s not living anymore, and maybe if you say it enough, you’ll stop feeling.

Anything to make the pain stop.

By now, the news has spread about the attack, and it’s all every update account and fan page can talk about. They talk about how they’re grateful you’re okay, how you’re up and walking and seemingly unscathed. As Harry walks back at you, you think you see them take another photo – a quick one, probably blurry – and you realize your hand is still resting on your bump.

Doesn’t matter anyway.

“C’mon, pet. Let’s get home.”

[krislammsidbtjournal]

Creative-Problem Interviews

INTERVIEW 1

About Jay Josue.  Jay Josue is Sr. Art Director in Los Angeles and currently works at Arcana Academy, an Ad Agency located in Venice. Jay is also a freelance concept and title designer. His selected work can be seen in The Current War (2019), Citizen (2016), Me and Earl and The Dying Girl (2015).

How do you generate ideas? (How, when, and where are you inspired? What inspires you?)

Jay is a big believer in completely submerging yourself in the world of your project. For example, when Jay was working on The Current War (2019), he engulfed himself in learning everything about the Industrial Age. He gained every bit of knowledge about the electricity titans that were Thomas Edison, George Westinghouse, and Nikola Tesla. Although Jay’s role in the project was more aligned with typography, he stressed that you need to dive into the world and sit with it. “Find an entry-level way to enter the world in any way, shape, or form. From there, you will begin to see the narrative pulled from the styles, history, and aesthetics of your research”.

When asked what inspires him, Jay answered, “Everything. Everywhere. Anytime.” Jay finds beauty in everything and draws on the emotional presence of his surroundings. He stresses that we often find ourselves strenuously seeking inspiration versus letting our subconscious do the work – it is why our greatest ideas come from the shower. An example of this is when Jay looks at a building, he not only sees the building holistically, but he draws his attention to the inner workings of the multiple layers that make up the building.  

What obstacles do you face in coming up with a new idea, and how do you overcome them?

Due to the fast-paced nature of his work, Jay often finds himself challenged with what he calls “Trend Traps.” There is a time and place where a project can take the likings of the newest design trends. However, Jay always strives to come up with something more meaningful in his work.

When asked about overcoming challenges, Jay answered, “As cliché, as it sounds, thinking outside the box helps me combat trend traps.” He encourages always looking at the problem from different angles and allowing yourself to zoom out of the logical problem and think more emotionally. Jay concludes, “By giving yourself a broad perspective in problem-solving and sitting in the world, you will produce more meaningful work.”

What process(es) do you use to solve problems? 


Identify the task at hand.

Be comfortable with the information and sit with it.  

Research and place yourself within that world.

Begin ideating through sketching, mood boards, scanning books, etc.

Start experimenting through mock-ups and prototypes.

Distill your best ideas and see what works (perhaps ideas 1 and 3 can be the immediate solution).

Execute and continue polishing your final piece.

Finally, deploy.

Jay shared that his process is akin to a fine-artist discipline. Sometimes, the process can hinder his creativity, so he seeks the delicate balance of building parameters broad enough where he can still play without limitations.

INTERVIEW 2

About Blake Hill-Saya.  Blake Hill-Saya is a published author and is the founder of Tenacity Communications, a verbal branding agency in Los Angeles. Blake is also a professional opera singer and licensed physical therapist. Blake brings a unique perspective in her writing with her multifaceted career background.  

How do you generate ideas? (How, when, and where are you inspired? What inspires you?)

As a verbal coach, Blake is inspired largely by the conversations she has with her clients. One of her foundational questions is, "Tell me about a time with your job where everything just went incredible and tell me how you were feeling." Blake explains that such questions do not often get posed on clients when attempting to find their brand. What she finds from that question is an interesting language where the brand's true essence comes out.

Blake's original work is inspired by the entire literary landscape and the panoramic view it offers. She habitually reads all day and spends her time listening to podcasts about writing, seeking inspiration by writing down new phrases she has not tried out before or looking to see where she could insert herself into the story. Essentially, Blake enjoys and is inspired by the journey in which it took the author to get to where they are and finds a way to find her journey.  

What obstacles do you face in coming up with a new idea, and how do you overcome them?

When it comes to obstacles, "writer's block is a real thing," and for Blake, it manifests when she is either overwhelmed or burnt out. For Blake, it means it is time to get active. She goes on what she calls "writers walk," where she puts on an audiobook of some of her favorite authors or writers. "I like to restore my faith in good writing and feeling like I have a companionship." She can also be found with a notepad on these walks to help with her writer's block. Blake has also adapted the advice by the late author Ray Bradbury which is to read two short stories and one poem.

As a musician, Blake has found that one way to combat being overwhelmed is with a few minor mental tricks which can be applied to any problem. When she needs to learn a new music piece, she breaks them out into portions and gets to rehearsing. Similarly, she finds herself repeating to herself, "just write X number of pages" to get the juices flowing with writing. "You have to find a system that works for you and stick to that system."

What process(es) do you use to solve problems?

Listen and sit with your client. Do it gracefully and inquisitively. Make them feel cared for. Often with businesses, you can get bogged down with business jargon, but as a consultant, you're able to harness the power of listening.

Build a structure but remember to remain flexible. For example, come to a meeting with prepared questions, but don't structure yourself so much that you can still react at the moment. You want your client the walk away to feel like they've been seen and heard.

Always follow up with a thank you email and a personal touch to know that "Hey! I see and hear you, and I'm on your side!"

INTERVIEW 3

About Jourel Baello. Jourel Baello is a Site Merchandiser at MeUndies where he oversees the digital storefront of MeUndies.com, CA-based underwear, and loungewear company. Jourel brings a broad perspective on fast fashion with his unique career journey from traditional brick and mortar retail to eCommerce. Before MeUndies, Jourel worked at Guitar Center as their eCommerce Specialist and spent seven years at Cotton On climbing the corporate ladder from Sales Associate in-store to eCommerce Merchandise Analyst at their LA headquarters.  

How do you generate ideas? (How, when, and where are you inspired? What inspires you?)

MeUndies is a key player in the subscription-based business model, so in order to stay ahead, Jourel looks to the industry for emerging trends to elevate their customer experience. He reviews the competitive landscape and finds opportunities other brands may have that MeUndies could bring to the table.

What inspires Jourel is that eCommerce is still relatively in its infancy compared to the larger scope of retail. “Being at the forefront of what eCommerce can become excites me as an early pioneer in the space.” Jourel is also inspired by the ever-changing playing field eCommerce brings. He concludes, “There is no wrong answer, just lots of testing and different ways to approach problems. Finding the piece of the puzzle that no one else can provide is such a fun challenge.”  


What obstacles do you face in coming up with a new idea, and how do you overcome them?

The biggest challenge Jourel faces is centered around bandwidth with the Developers and Engineers. MeUndies, like any eComm retailer, runs 24/7, 365 days of the year, which is great when collecting feedback on how to make the user experience better, but difficult when all of those changes become overlapping projects. Additionally, more pressure is added around seasonal promotions such as Black Friday where a set of new ideas are introduced. Jourel overcomes these challenges with transparent communication with his team. He reviews the project pipeline and identifies areas where things can be moved around. Then, with the blessings from his senior management, he optimizes new deadlines and manages deliverables. “I constantly revisit our roadmap because of how fast things are changing.” Jourel expresses that it is imperative to see the view of each project and its relation to how it may impact other projects.

What process(es) do you use to solve problems?

Ideating – What is the problem at hand? Are we able to come up with a hypothesis? What questions can we ask?

Cross Functional Discussions – Align with outside departments to ensure goals they have in mind are being addressed.

Internal Team Discussion – Discuss with the internal team about research and findings. Discussing what next steps are if it’s needed to go back to ideating phase.

Test. Test. Test. – Aggressively testing to see what options work and narrowing down solutions.

Analyzing Results – Reviewing test results and make implementation decision. At this stage, it can become iterative which helps drive clarity.

[whateverthedragonswant]

More proof in the pudding for 15x20 breaking the fourth wall theory

I kind of already discussed this theory on this post here but in going over the last two seasons of GoT to add to this dark!Dany meta I’ve got going, I noticed something that I think is worth taking a look at.

GoT 8x06:

We all remember what happens after this weighted ominous walk of Jon’s.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XhfGY5pIPg&t=254s

“When I was a girl, my brother told me it was made from a thousand swords of Aegon’s fallen enemies. What do a thousand swords look like in the mind of a little girl who can’t count twenty? I imagined a mountain of swords too high to climb. So many fallen enemies, you could only see the soles of Aegon’s feet.” “This is our reason. It has been from the beginning since you were a little boy with a bastard’s name and I was a little girl who couldn’t count to twenty.” “You are my queen, now and always.” -- this is dialogue meant to call back to the Dany the audience has known since season 1 - this was done in an effort to keep her character sympathetic to the end but it’s problematic since she just torched an entire city that held a million innocent people, and it completely negates the true moral of her story - her brother is mentioned who we haven’t seen since season 1, who by all means is not a good influence or a hero in this story but in this last season, she has started to embrace the Targaryen side of things (that we’ve seen reflected in her wardrobe, I see you Michele Clapton, you brilliant woman, you) - the dialogue even invokes season 1 Jon in that one line, though obviously the focus is not on Jon but Dany herself - Jon who had just been acting as the audience mouthpiece in the jail scene with Tyrion (acting as the writers’ mouthpiece - again breaking the 4th wall), saying “You are my queen, now and always”, something the split audience (the ones who felt betrayed by Dany’s dark turn and still stan her to this day) keep saying - yes “now and always” was a common saying in the North, but this wording is purposeful as is this piece of dialogue for essentially what is Dany’s death scene, the most controversial death to come out of this episode, the end of this series I would even argue

15x20:

We all remember Dean’s monologue that took close to 10 mins to happen as he was “fading pretty quick”, so much so that Sam couldn’t call for help

“There’s a few things that I need you to hear. Come here. Let me look at you. There he is. I am so proud of you, Sam. Do you know that? I’ve always looked up to you. Remember when we were kids, you were so damn smart, you never took any of Dad’s crap. I never knew how you did that. And you’re stronger than me. You always have been. Hey, did I ever tell you that night that, uh, that I came for you when you were at school? You know when Dad hadn’t come back from his hunting trip? The woman in white, that’s right. I must’ve stood outside your dorm for hours because I didn’t know what you would say. I thought you’d tell me to get lost or get dead and I didn’t know what I would’ve done if I didn’t have you. ‘Cause I was so scared. I was scared. ‘Cause when it all came down to it, it was always you and me. It’s always been you and me.” “I can’t do this alone.” “Yes, you can.” “Well, I don’t want to.” “I love you so much. My baby brother.” -- notice anything...familiar? -- this is dialogue meant to call back to season 1, to the original audience that started out with the brothers in season 1, that may not have stuck with the show for all 15 seasons but maybe ducked back in for the finale just to see how the show chose to end the boys’ stories - John is mentioned who is not a good influence nor a hero in the story which the show has gone out of their way to show time and time again, despite 14x13 - this is the result of one of their dad’s old unfinished hunts from season 1 including the “villain” - Dean mentions events of the first episode when John hasn’t come back from an old hunt, when he goes to get Sam from school, the woman in white being their very first MOTW of the show, even the dialogue from that first episode where the lines are reversed and Dean tells Sam he doesn’t want to do it alone - the dialogue is meant to invoke nostalgia of that pilot and that time, that version of the boys’ stories, where it was Winchester only - Dean’s death (outside of Cas’) is one of the most controversial deaths to happen this episode, even this series (though it has a lot of problematic deaths, i.e. Charlie but I mean in the main character arena) - this was done to keep season 1, specifically the pilot, in the viewers’ minds and as a callback to the beginning of the show, the dialogue was very purposeful, it’s also no coincidence that Sam is the focus here and once Dean is finished telling him goodbye essentially, he looks away behind the camera and talks about how he didn’t think today was going to be the day but it is (which adds to the pudding even more, because this is later season Dean talking who did not want to die on a hunt and wanted something different for himself, season 1 Dean always knew he would die young on a hunt) 

And let us not forget this:

Andrew Dabb: “If you thought Game of Thrones was bad, just wait” (x) - this is said in a joking manner but where is it said? Comic Con 2019, the same Comic Con D&D canceled their appearances at & left the cast who did appear to deal with the fallout. This isn’t a man flipping off people and being like “Ha! Crybabies, we’re doing what we want to do and that’s that! Ha!” He said it in a joking manner when he talked about how only 30% of people would be pleased after seeing the finale and Jared joined the conversation. This is the same man who pushed hard along with Bobo Berens for a spinoff that featured women and women of color as well as having proper queer representation but got shut down by the network in the end. The same guy who worked to separate Dean and Sam from their toxic co-dependency and bolstered the found family theme in the narrative, while also taking the baton that Carver started with of Dean and Sam thinking of what they would actually want for their endings, and running with it, developing that even further. 

What did GoT have? 2 final seasons as it were. To be fair, season 7 cannot be considered an alternate ending, it had way too many open endings but here (x) it’s stated that D&D did want to end GoT with season 7 initially before being convinced by the network to go to 8. They wanted to move onto other projects (that never happened because they’re egotistical greedy idiots, but I digress)  and their rush to end the series showed. HBO wanted 10 seasons but they didn’t want to move forward without D&D. GRRM thought at least 13 seasons would be appropriate. 

What did SPN have? 2 finales. 15x19 is not only the finale that closes up the mytharc but also the found family finale. I’m not sure if they knew this ahead of time or found out last second (Misha’s line of “Cas’ ending was supposed to be different but I don’t think we’re supposed to talk about that” still haunts me), but ultimately, that’s how it worked out. 15x19 was for the later season fans, the found family, the mythology fans (meaning Heaven, Hell, angels, nephilim, Lucifer, Jack, etc). That’s why we get the huge montage of characters at the end of the episode, the initials on the table, Dean demanding Cas be brought back in the beginning of the episode and Lucifer’s phone call, Dean and Sam wanting Jack to come back to the bunker but he can’t, Dean and Sam driving off in Baby together with “Running On Empty” playing. 15x20 was the series finale for early season fans, Kripke fans, Winchester-only fans. That’s why there’s no big montage in the beginning of the SERIES FINALE that they had done every season premiere, every season finale, and every mid-season premiere. They didn’t want the found family (yes, including Cas and Jack) in the viewers’ minds. But they couldn’t remove those two characters from the narrative completely (they were too integral later on in the series plus later season fans are watching this too) so they get mentions. This is why the Carry On My Wayward Son twice, Sam married to Blurry Wife and having Dean Jr., the Winchester-only mantle, the MOTW that calls back to one of their big bads (vampires) in season 1 (outside of YED & any demonic forces), why the brothers-only ending. This is why Dean is all ‘Cas who?’, why Eileen disappeared, and why Jack is off shooting a new spot for Architectural Digest. They only wanted Sam and Dean on your minds in 15x20 with the extension of John, Mary, Rufus, Bobby, and Baby with a touch of the Roadhouse in the background. This is also why no pictures of Blurry Wife on the Winchester-only mantle either. This is why Sam’s son was named Dean. This is why after putting on the Party City wig, Sam goes to sit in Baby and cries, thinking of Dean.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again: 15x20.👏 Was.👏 A.👏 Vehicle. It’s no coincidence that W*lker was more heavily promoted during 15x20 than any other time before. That what happens in 15x20 for Sam and Dean (and that Sam is once again the focus after having the story split between the brothers for years before) parallels somewhat to what happens in Jared’s new show and his character. This is the same network that uses its shows to backdoor pilots of spinoffs and other shows time and time again (think Green Arrow and The Canaries, Legacies, etc). It’s also no coincidence that W*lker is in the same time slot as SPN had been in, that they intersperse the use of #SPNFamily and #W*lkerFamily on Twitter, that the C*W SPN twitter account is used to steer followers to their other content, that the C*W YouTube account for SPN no longer has any clips or promos available for that show, almost as if it doesn’t exist. You know why? Simple, they don’t want SPN on your minds anymore. They want you watching W*lker and any other new content they are cooking up and throwing at you. Don’t be surprised if they start heavily promoting another new show (besides their returning ones) during W*lker episodes now. That’s just the name of the game, how it works. They already pushed the audience they wanted from 15x20 to W*lker and now SPN is an officially closed chapter for them. Dabb and the actors had other projects to move onto. In their minds, it’s done...until they try to reboot it in some way in a couple of years. And it will not only feature a younger generation of actors but will have what they consider to be appropriate queer representation as well as POC representation in the new cast. It may be the same Winchester story though changed or a whole new story in that universe. You laugh but watch. It’ll happen. This network is not known for its quality or originality, only for their brand. There’s a reason they keep on showrunners to head up new content if their original source of content works and they become “favorites” (i.e Julie Plec).

Ultimately, GoT was referenced many times on SPN, in dialogue between characters whether it applied or not. GoT was mentioned by the actors when discussing watching it, at cons and in interviews. SPN (and Dabb) was very well aware of GoT and what happened with that show. Not only because it was all over the media everywhere, being a pop culture phenomenon that had HUGE backlash, but also because they were there at the Comic Con where the backlash was felt strongest. To the point where even other people mentioned it in their panels (i.e. Seth Rogen). I’m obviously not in Dabb’s head nor was I on set when they filmed the finale or in the writers’ room with J2 and the writers when they pitched the ending so I don’t know. But isn’t it odd that 8x06 of GoT features a scene that has been confirmed by Kit Harington as breaking the 4th wall to speak to/get the viewers’ attention, make them think, and SPN is a show that has featured that same concept (usually in a comedic fashion) time and time again? And in 15x20 they have Robert Singer make an appearance? And the infamous bridge crew shot, J2 talking to you while still in costume as Sam and Dean from that same shot, and the voiceover “And cut” before it cuts to black? 

I don’t think we’ll ever really get answers. I think any we get will always be complimentary to the network, or “we can’t talk about it”, or “it was always planned that way”. I’m not saying those people are being less than truthful (and seriously, I don’t blame any of them, it’s PR and they need to protect their careers, feed their families, if you speak out on anything in this universe, something really serious or the tiniest thing, you risk ever getting hired again, you will be blacklisted, it’s not right and it’s certainly not fair, but this is the way this particular business works) but something is not adding up (a lot of somethings actually). I think there was definitely a different ending for Cas, possibly even Jack (meaning he might have made at least one appearance). I do think there may have been a different resolution to Destiel and Saileen (unless they truly planned to keep it ambiguous all along). I don’t know if Dean would have had a different ending, I think he might have at one point as suggested by the narrative during Carver’s and Dabb’s eras, but I’m not sure what their “true ending” was going to be regarding him or Sam. To have Sam be the one that died would have been redundant from Swan Song (5x22) so I doubt they would have gone in that direction. I hate to think it but I don’t think we’ll ever really know. As far as death scenes go, Dean’s death in 9x23 was way more meaningful and impactful for me when he tells Sam that he’s proud of them, than what we got in 15x20. No offense to the guys’ acting or to the boys themselves, but the 9x23 scene was more appropriate imho. And that also leads me to believe that Dean’s manner of death may not have been what they planned all along. But until we get answers (which again I don’t think we will), we’ll never truly know for sure.

As for me, this is just more proof in the pudding. I’m not saying Dabb & Co purposely sabotaged 15x20 at all but I wouldn’t be surprised if they kept the reaction to GoT’s finale in mind at a couple of key points while getting these last two episodes shot. 15x19 was our finale, sad to say. 15x20 was the network’s finale, meant to induce nostalgia and callbacks, bringing the boys’ original fans over to Texas to watch a certain ranger do roundhouse kicks. Sad but true. 

[nickelkeep]

Chandeliers of Hope

Pairing: Dean/Cas w/background Saileen, Bradbaum, and Megriel Rating: Mature Word Count: 6900 Warnings: Recreational Marijuana and Alcohol Usage. Lots of Nerd Terms. Written For: @notfunnydean​′s 2019 SPN Advent Calendar On Ao3

Dean trekked into the house, cold and covered in snow. He had finished shoveling just enough of their driveway. It would fit two more cars and a motorcycle (although it may be a little snug) and salted the pathway up to the front door.

"Shut the damn door and take your coat and boots off!" Charlie shouted from the living room. "Don't need you dragging snow through the house!"

Dean rolled his eyes and obliged, not that he hadn't already planned on doing it. He walked into the living room and stood back in surprise. Cas and Charlie had puked Christmas all over their shared home. "Seriously, guys?" Dean pulled at a piece of garland draped from the ceiling. "It's Christmas, not a decorating contest."

Cas walked in with some cheap electric candlesticks. "I already tried to talk to her, Dean. Can't dissuade her."

"You're helping her." Dean pointed at Cas' arms.

"I promise we need all this decoration." Charlie climbed down the ladder she was on. "It goes along with tonight's game."

"You seriously Christmas themed our D&D game?" Dean rolled his eyes in disbelief.

Charlie walked over and patted Dean on the cheek before taking some of the candlesticks out of Cas' arms. "Of course, I did. You said to write what I wanted, I wrote tonight's campaign. It's a one-shot, and it's going to be a lot of fun, I promise."

"Gonna hold you to that, Red." Dean pointed at her accusingly before looking and smiling at Cas. "And I'm going to hold you as an accomplice."

"That's not fair. I'm literally being held at gunpoint to help with this." Cas winked before following Charlie and dumping the rest of the candlesticks on one of their sofas."You keep telling yourself that, Cas." Dean looked between his two best friends. "Any requests for snacks tonight?"

Charlie tapped her finger against her lips. "Think you could make some of that candied bacon? It would go well with the tavern theme I have going on here."

"Cas?" Dean looked at his disheveled best friend, his gaze perhaps lingering too long on Cas' eyes.

"As long as you make the honey cookies you promised, I'm happy." Cas shrugged before being pulled over to the ladder by Charlie.

"Alright then, I'll check to see all of what we have, and get to work." Dean shot them both a quick salute before heading towards the kitchen.

Dean carefully took stock of the various snacks they had procured for the evening. He counted several bags of chips, dips, some of the god awful spinach bites that needed to be heated up in the oven, and peanut M&Ms. Dean reminded himself to thank Cas for picking those up for him.

He opened the fridge and grabbed out eggs and several packs of bacon, before crossing over to the cupboard where they kept their baking goods. Dean pulled out the brown sugar and items needed for his honey cookies and unceremoniously dropped all the packages onto the counter. He figured if Cas and Charlie were decorating the crap out of the living room, the least he could do was make fancy snacks as well.

While Dean was in the middle of prepping the snacks for their gaming-session-slash-Christmas-party, the first of their friends arrived. From Charlie's shouts, it sounded like Sam and Eileen had walked in the door, and they were getting the same grief for shoes and coats that she had given Dean earlier.

Sam entered the kitchen shortly after the shouts and shook his head at his brother. "Look, I'm glad that the three of you live together, but Charlie was able to fuel an 'I told you so' from Eileen, and Eileen just realized the kind of power that has."

"Imagine if you lived here too." Dean shook his head. "I think Charlie might die from too much testosterone first."

"You're just scared because she knows she'd have more people to join in her teasing about you and Cas." Sam shot a smirk at his older brother.

Dean returned Sam's look with a glower. "What about me and Cas, Sam?"

"Oh, nothing but the fact that you both have your heads so far up your asses." Sam reached over and grabbed one of the cookies that Dean had already made. He took a bite and nodded in confirmation. "Honey cookies. Per usual. I wonder who asked for them."

Dean blushed rapidly. "Shut up, Bitch."

"Make me, Jerk."

Charlie chose that exact moment to walk into the kitchen. "No fighting, boys. At least not until you all are in character." She grabbed a glass and made herself a quick glass of water. Charlie chugged her drink quickly and turned to look at Sam. "Can you go grab the table topper? Dot's going to be here any moment, and you two can set that up."

"Sure thing, Charlie." Sam nodded in confirmation. "Was just confirming a few things with Dean before heading over to see how I could help."

"Well, I already claimed Eileen to help with the tree, and Cas is finishing up putting the candles around the room." Charlie patted Sam's chest before pushing him out of the kitchen. Once Sam was believably out of earshot, Charlie continued. "He's right, you know?"

Dean tilted his head. "Whowhatsit now?"

"We all have eyes. You think you're not obviously pining for Cas, but the rest of us are seriously rooting for you two."

"Jesus, Charlie. They're a type of cookie, not a marriage proposal. What's your favorite cookie? I'll make them quick too."

"You keep telling yourself that, Dean. Also, keep believing denial is just a river in Egypt." She stole two cookies before heading out of the kitchen to leave Dean to his thoughts.

Dean ran his hand down his face and watched as Charlie turned on her heel and marched back out to the living room. He kept an ear out for the rest of the guests. After five minutes and another shout from Charlie, he was entirely unsurprised by the sight of Dorothy and Sam down the hallway before coming back the other way with a table topper.

"Everything ok in here, Dean?" Cas walked in after Sam and Dorothy passed by. "I know we dropped two kinds of time-intensive things on you."

"Yeah, I'm good. Last batch of cookies in the oven and I'm prepping the last tray of bacon now."

Dean took a steadying breath as Cas walked next to him and leaned down to take a look at the bacon roses Dean wrapped up. "Really, Dean?"

"Don't really me, Cas. You and Charlie are busting your ass out there to decorate. This is my contribution." Dean blushed, not entirely sure of the reason.

"You didn't have to do that." Cas flashed a smile at Dean. "Charlie will probably be stoked, though."

Oh, yeah. Dean thought to himself. That's why.

Luckily for Dean, the timer to the oven went off. Cas took the prerogative and grabbed an oven mitt and pulled out the cookies. "These look and smell fantastic."

"Behind you," Dean warned as he came in behind Cas closely, oh so closely, and slid the last tray of bacon in the oven. He closed the oven and set the timer for the final batch. "Well, they're what you requested. Had to make sure they were just right for you."

Cas smiled at Dean again, and Dean nearly melted on the spot. "Thank you, Dean. They are one of my favorites of yours."

"One of?" Dean raised his eyebrow.

"I love your pie, but I'm not sharing that with anyone but you." Cas winked at Dean, causing Dean's pulse to quicken. "Gabe and Meg should be here soon. Then we can get the game started."

Dean nodded, afraid of the noise and words that would come out of his mouth.

"I'll save you the seat next to me, ok?" Cas grabbed the plate of cookies and a tray of bacon roses before heading back to the living room.

Dean let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding. Okay, so maybe he had it bad for Castiel Freakin' Novak. It didn't mean that his best friend returned his feelings. He could hope that the winks meant something, or that the smiles were just for him, but he refused to risk what they had to push any further.

He started cleaning up the mess while waiting for the bacon to finish when he heard a loud commotion come from down the hall. Dean paused for a moment and listened to the vociferous voice of Gabe, indicating that he and Meg had arrived. Their adventuring party was complete.

Dean took a moment to take a few calming breaths. Once the timer for the bacon went off, he quickly pulled them out of the oven and let them rest on top of the stove. Dean turned off the heat and took off his apron before heading out to join the rest of his friends and family.

"Dean-O!" Meg called out. "Was wondering if I was going to have to storm in there and drag you out. I thought maybe loudmouth here scared you off."

"He's only going to scare me off if he didn't bring you-know-what." Dean snapped his fingers into guns at Gabe, who pointed at an old fashioned doctor's bag over on the couch. "See, not scared. He's got the shit that calms me."

Gabe laughed. "I'm glad you keep me around for something, Dean-O. Don't want to be kept away from my little brother."

"Dean wouldn't do that," Cas responded before Dean could. "And are you going to start that before Charlie even explains what we're doing in the campaign? I'd like at least one of us to remember what we're supposed to do."

"Thank you, Cas. But today's story is just for fun, and unless something completely amazing happens, I wasn't planning on awarding XP." She was met by a series of groans and complaints. "This is supposed to be a party, not work."

"Yeah, and this adventuring party needs XP!" Sam signed while speaking, keeping Eileen in the loop.

Dean looked across the table and signed at Eileen. "Use your pouty face."

Eileen tugged on Sam's arm and pouted. Sam, in turn, turned on the kicked puppy face. They both looked at Charlie, who looked at Dean. "Screw you, Winchester. Now I need a hit."

Gabe got up from the table and grabbed his bag. "Well, start explaining the campaign, Red, and by the time you're done, I'll have all this set up."

"Since when has Charlie ever written a short campaign?" Dorothy asked, taking a sip of her beer.

"Guys, I'm right here." Charlie huffed. "Fine, you want fast? Your group has been summoned by the lord of a local city. He's requested as many of your finest members as possible, and promised that upon completion of his task, you will each get your own individual reward."

"And XP," Meg quipped.

"I hate you all." Charlie shook her head. "And some XP."

Dean smiled as Cas handed him his character folder. He pulled out the sheet for his Bard, Jensen, and looked over his ability list while Charlie continued.

"We're going to assume you're in the city and waiting for an audience with the lord. He's only going to let two of you in, as any more is a potential security risk. Who all is going in?" Charlie paused as a blunt was passed to her, and she slowly inhaled in. "Gabe's not going in."

"Why not?" Gabriel complained. "Charisma is my highest stat."

Charlie shrugged. "Might need another one of these in a second. You brought the good stuff, and I know I'm going to have to pass it down the line."

The table chuckled, and Sam spoke up. "I say me and Dean go in.”

"Alright, any complaints from the rest of the table?" Charlie looked around the group. "Okay, then. Sam, Dean. Jared and Jensen head into the Lord's library and find him sitting at a large oak desk. He looks wholly dismal and distraught, but he lights up when the two of you enter. 'Are you the members of the Free Will Adventuring Group?' Diplomacy checks, both of you, please."

Their d20s hit the table; Sam rolled a four, Dean a sixteen. Dean looked at his sheet. "Nineteen. Is that enough, Charles?"

"Yep. Introduce yourselves and assure the lord of your skill levels." Charlie took another hit of the blunt before passing it to Dorothy.

Dean cleared his throat. "'Yes, my lord. Allow me to introduce my brother and I. I am Jensen of Lebanon. This tall monstrosity is Sir Jared of Lebanon, Paladin of the Order of Tyr. We received your message and have brought along...'" Dean paused. "Wait, are you playing Felicia too or just the NPCs?"

"Felicia's coming along too. Keep going."

Dean double-counted around the table. "'We have brought along six of our strongest members as well as ourselves.'"

"Nice! The Lord nods his approval, but with a frown. 'You could only spare eight bodies?'" Charlie gestured back to Dean.

"'We collected those who were available. We are in quite high demand, your Lordship.' Is it lordship?" Dean looked around the table and continued. "'But I assure you, we are a strong team that works harder than 25 of your best soldiers.'"

"Dammit, Dean, I swear," Sam spoke up. "You know how Charlie rolls."

Dean shrugged at his brother. "You should have rolled higher."

"He's got a point, Sam." Charlie countered. "Okay then, 'Bold words, from the tongue of a bard. But I will take what I can get. What do you know about our humble city?' I need a knowledge check, please."

"Fuck you, Charlie." Dean took the blunt from Cas and popped in between his lips. He tried not to think about how it was just against Cas' lips as he looked over his paper. "I ain't got shit for this, Sam. I can roll it, but I'm not going to get bonuses." He took a deep drag and handed the blunt off to Meg.

"Will insight be enough, Charlie?" Sam asked, hopefully.

Charlie shook her head. "I didn't realize you had empath skills to know about a place."

"Screw you. Intelligence is my drop stat." Sam grumbled. He looked at Dean and shrugged. "Roll?"

Dean picked up his d20 and held it in front of Cas. "Give it a blow?" Cas rolled his eyes but blew on Dean's hand, causing a shiver to run up Dean's spine. He dropped his die at the same time as Sam.

He rolled an eighteen. Sam, a fourteen. "Either one of those work?" Sam asked.

"It was a 10 to pass. You're both fine." Charlie looked at her notes. "You two know that the city, Sprús Bán, is well known for their winter activities and celebrations. While the major holidays are celebrated across the country, most decorations, trees, foods, etc. come from here."

"It's the fucking North Pole?" Gabe asked.

"White Spruce, ok?" Charlie rolled her eyes. "Where was I? Oh, yeah. The lord is impressed with your knowledge, even if you don't know the tiniest details. 'The reason I have called you to our city today is that we have lost our holiday spirit."

"Are you shitting me?" Dean's eyes widened.

Charlie smiled deviously. "Is that in character?"

"No." Dean slouched back in his chair and was rewarded with Cas' hand on his shoulder in comfort.

"'My lord,'" Sam jumped in. "'If I may ask, what do you mean your Holiday Spirit has been lost?' I can't believe I just had to ask that."

"'We have seven items, gifted from the gods, that make sure that we can provide cheer for their name days, for all holidays.'" Charlie tried to keep a straight face as she read off of her notes. "'Your group is needed to retrieve them.'"

Dean ripped a piece of paper off of his notepad. He wrote a note and passed it to Sam. Sam laughed out loud and quickly folded the paper, putting it into his character's folder. He cleared his throat. "'My lord, would you know the Grinch who stole your holiday?'"

"That's it. I need a beer." Charlie stood up from the table as everyone burst into laughter and walked over to their sliding glass doors, reaching into the snow and grabbing one for herself. "Anyone else? No? Go fuck yourselves."

"Charlie, you're literally having us go after an asshole who stole Christmas." Dean took a new blunt from Meg and took a drag, relaxing deeper into his seat. "I couldn't resist, and clearly, Sam couldn't either."

"I feel like the Lord should be offended, but you're completely right." Charlie sighed and sat back in her seat. "'We have a good idea, but we're not one hundred percent certain. There is a Warlock who was banished from the city. One of the higher magistrates did it, so I do not know the entire reason why. But they swore that they would bring darkness upon our city.'" Charlie giggled. "'They are who I would check out."

"'Sounds like motive to me, brother.'" Sam looked at Dean, who was trying to not giggle. "'Go and tell the others to get ready.'" Sam rolled again, a nineteen. "Twenty-two, Charlie, for persuasion. 'Your lord, if may get the information on where this Warlock is located, we'll be on our way immediately.'"

"While Sam's getting info on the Grinch, I'm gonna head back out and make the info common-knowledge to the rest of the group," Dean added.

"Sounds good." Charlie handed a map to Sam. "'Sir Jared, if you follow that map, it's the Warlock's last know location. Please, bring back our holiday spirit.'"

"Jared's going to bring his fist to his chest and bow, and exit behind Jensen," Sam stated. "And I better find the rest of the group trying to hold it in like we had to in there."

Cas shook his head. "Misha's not going to get that reference."

"Jensen will always be more than happy to explain it to the monk." Meg quipped. "Rachel and Speight will most likely be the ones doubling over in laughter."

"I won't get it." Eileen commiserated with Cas. "Living in the woods with your kin doesn't give you much time to learn about other cultures."

Charlie shushed the group. "Back on track, please. Sam has to share with you guys anyway."

"I share with them what I know." Sam looked at Eileen. "And I make sure Shoshannah gets the joke."

Eileen smiled and signed thank you.

"Rude. Your party is supposed to talk." Charlie shuffled her notes. "What's the plan then?"

Sam looked around the table. "According to the map, it's a day's travel. We should all have the staples to make that trip and back. What time of day is it, Charlie?"

"Before Noon."

"Anyone against heading out now?" Sam asked.

No one argued, so Gabe spoke up. "Let's get this party started!"

"Y'all heard the sorcerer, let's go!" Meg shimmied in her seat and took a puff of the blunt before passing it to Dean again. "Finish that one, or pass it to Cas, it's only got like two hits left."

Dean rolled his eyes and took a puff and handed it to Cas. Cas smiled at him, his eyes sparkling, and Dean melted in his seat.

"Okay, then we're going to fast forward, you're about halfway there." Charlie looked around the table. "What's the next sentence, bitches?"

A chorus broke out around the table. "Roll for perception."

Dean, eighteen. Cas, natural twenty. Meg, seventeen. Gabe, fourteen. Sam, eight. Eileen, nineteen. Dorothy, thirteen.

"Sorry, Sam, you don't notice shit. Dot, Gabe, something's raising your hackles. Meg, Dean, and Eileen, you know that there's someone following you." Charlie looked at Cas. "Do you want a surprise attack round, or are you going to tell your party members first?"

Cas' lips curled up into a devious grin. "Surprise attack round."

"You got it." Charlie handed him a piece of paper. "Roll for attack."

The d20 hit the table. Sixteen. "With modifiers, that's a twenty..." Cas looked at his notes. "Surprise adds one, right?" Charlie nodded, and Cas counted on his fingers. "Twenty-seven."

"Not even going to roll to save. Guys, how are you standing? Cas, which one are you hitting with your damage? Then roll and double it."

The group placed themselves in traveling positions, and Cas circled the one he was attacking, returning the paper to Charlie.

Cas rolled three d6s: Six, Four, Three. "Thirteen, plus my modifier, is twenty. Double it, forty."

"Goddammit." Charlie loudly scratched out something on her paper. "Fucking coup de grace. You almost had it completely."

"That's my Cas," Dean stated before stammering and backtracking. "Our Cas. Our awesome, loyal, monk. Misha. Yeah." He looked briefly at Sam, who shot him a bitchface.

"Yeah, okay, Dean." Charlie grabbed a d20. "Roll for initiative. All enemies are going on... six. Well then, so help me if any of you pull what Cas just did, you all are fired."

Eight d20s hit the table. Dean, nine. Cas, ten. Meg, two. Gabe, nineteen. Sam, fifteen. Eileen, sixteen. Dorothy, fourteen. Charlie, eighteen.

"Y'all suck." Gabe rolled his eyes. "The squishies rolled the highest."

"I rolled a two, babe." Meg pouted. "But, as a free action, upon seeing Cas' attack, I go stealth.”

"Where the fuck you gonna hide, Meg?" Charlie shook her head. "Roll for it."

"Seven?"

"Yeah. Thank you. Next?" Charlie looked around the table, settling her eyes on Eileen, signing to her. "You going to shift as a free action?"

Eileen shook her head no.

"Okay, then. You're up first, Gabe. The enemies are skeletons. Cas took out a ranged one that was here." She laid the marker for a dead enemy down, then laid out the still-living ones. "You have eight more to knock down, three ranged, four melee, one spellcaster."

"You couldn't go for the spell caster, Cas?" Gabe glared at his younger brother.

"Nope." Cas rested his head on Dean's shoulder, causing Dean to tense up slightly before relaxing. Cas looked up at Dean and smiled.

Dean lost himself in Cas' smile and imagined kissing the lips of his best friend, imagined that they could cuddle on the couch like that, a million thoughts of what more he could have with Cas ran through his head.

"Earth to Cas," Charlie called out, snapping Dean, and apparently Cas, out of some sort of reverie. "It's your turn hot stuff. Stop staring at Dean, as pretty as his eyes are."

Cas shot up and cleared his throat. "Sorry. Where are we at?"

She pointed to the map. "There's only one left. Gabe used one of his prepared spells and killed all but two who weren't in the AOE zone. Eileen and Sam cleaned up two. I buffed you all."

"Right, um." Cas spared a look at Dean then looked back at the table, grabbing his figurine. He counted the squares he could move. "I'm going to move here and use my Quivering Palm ability and attack twice." Cas grabbed his d20 and rolled. Nineteen. He rolled again. Fourteen. "Alright, if I add my modifier–"

Charlie shook her head and interrupted. "Nope, it's dead. Kaput. You killed it. Assholes."

"Was that supposed to take longer, Charlie?" Meg asked. "Cause I feel highly unsatisfied."

"Blame your boyfriend, ok? Jesus. I should have upped their HP. But no, I figured this was for fun." Charlie started to mutter under her breath.

"Can I loot them, since they're all dead?" Meg waggled her eyebrows.

Charlie squinted. "They're skeletons."

"Never know when you could use a finger bone."

"Fine, you grab a hand off of one the skeletons."

Dean heard Cas chuckle at the interaction as he laid his head back on Dean's shoulder. Cas spoke quietly so only Dean could hear, "Is this okay? I'm sorry I didn't ask before."

"Yeah, Cas, it's fine." Dean smiled, unsure if Cas could see it.

"Alright then," Charlie cut off any more commentary from Meg. "Do you guys want to rest, or keep on trekking?"

"I still have several spells prepared, so I'm good to go," Gabe commented. "Did either one of you blow a large spell?" He signed and spoke to make sure both Sam and Eileen understood.

"Nope, encounter attack. It'll reset between fights." Sam commented, and Eileen nodded in agreement.

"Let's keep on moving then, Charles. Speight's on a roll and wants to kill baddies." Gabe spun his fingers around, indicating to keep moving.

Charlie shook her head slightly and whispered to Dorothy, who got up from the table and headed towards the sliding door. "Dot's grabbing me a beer. If you ask nicely, she might bring you one back too if you need a fresh one." Charlie ran her fingers through her hair. "Alright, so you guys arrive at the dilapidated fortress where the Warlock was last seen. Roll for perception or investigation."

Eileen, Cas, and Meg rolled eleven, a natural one, and five, respectively. Sam, Dean, Gabe, and Dorothy rolled eleven, three, nine, and a natural one, apiece.

"Are you all serious?" Charlie shook her head and looked at Dorothy. "I'm sorry, babe."

"Shit rolls happen. Rather get them out now than during a boss fight." Dorothy shrugged and took a pull of her beer.

"Nope, you and Cas are going to hate me. Both of you can roll acrobatics to save against fall damage."

Cas groaned and sat back up straight, grabbing his d20. Eight. Dorothy rolled a nineteen.

"Like I said, Red, I roll best when it matters." Dorothy sat back in her chair. "Sorry, Cas."

"Can I roll to have Jensen grab Misha?" Dean asked. "I have acrobatics too." Dean's question caused Cas to look back and smile at Dean.

"Hmm. You are close enough to Cas on the map. Roll for perception again. Beat a ten."

Dean rolled a twelve.

"Nice, you notice the ground giving out under him. Beat a fifteen, and you save him."

Dean rolled a seventeen. "Suck it, Charlie."

"Yeah, I hope you didn't blow your load saving your boyfriend." Charlie crossed her arms over her chest. "Okay, no one falls into the pit. No side quest. Fuckers."

"Why do I get the feeling that we're doing so good, we're not going to get XP anyway?" Sam asked, a smirk on his face.

Charlie shook her head rapidly. "You guys are testing me. Since those who rolled below a ten saw Misha and Tilo start to fall, they're spared any issues. Eileen and Sam, you two see an entrance to the side."

"To the entrance, then?" Cas asked, slouching back in his chair.

Dean took the opportunity to rest his head on Cas' shoulder. Fair was fair, right? Then Cas rested his head against Dean's. Dean wasn't sure how he was still a solid form, with how many times Cas caused him to melt.

"Since when do we take orders from the monk?" Gabe shot a knowing look at his younger sibling.

"Since the Paladin isn't speaking up." Cas looked at Sam, whose face of giddiness turned to an instant bitch face.

"Sorry, I was a little distracted." Sam huffed. "Let's go in and get the seven items back for the city."

Dean settled contently against Cas, silently wondering if the pot and alcohol were to thank for this little bit of a Christmas Wish come true. He set the expectation that his bard to follow the group as they entered the fortress. They traveled through the hallways, investigating rooms and alcoves, searching for the Warlock.

The group finally came in front of a large, ornate, brass door. "Roll for perception, guys."

"Wanna bet the bad guy is in there?" Gabe looked around the table.

"Considering how ornate Charlie stated the door is, everyone would bet that they are," Cas spoke up, his gravelly voice sending an involuntary shiver through Dean's body. "You okay there, Dean?"

Dean looked up. "Never better, Cas." He sat up and grabbed his d20, already missing the warmth that radiated off of Cas. He rolled the die. Five. No one in the group rolled higher than a seven.

"Huh. Okay then. Eileen, you rolled the seven. You know that there is pure evil behind the door. But you don't know what it is." Charlie sighed. "I really hope I didn't just kill you all."

"Well, then since we know that the bad guy is behind the door, I pull it open." Sam let out a heavy sigh.

"Do you all walk in?" Charlie asked. When they all nodded or spoke in confirmation, she shut her eyes tightly. "Roll to save against sleeping."

"Fucker, you did that cause dwarves aren't immune!" Meg glared at Charlie.

Charlie cringed. "I was kinda hoping someone would beat a ten on that roll. There's a pretty good shot that one of you would have."

Dean, nineteen. Cas, seventeen. Meg, two. Gabe, nine. Sam, three. Eileen, eleven. Dorothy, five. Charlie, three.

"Well, shit. Uh. Dean, Cas, you two do not fall asleep upon entering. Everyone else, you'll get a chance to save after the Warlock starts."

"What happened to those rolls when they matter, Dot?" Cas turned to look at her, mouth curled up in a smug grin.

"Shut up, Cas." Dorothy smiled, trying to hold back her laughter.

"Okay, so since you two are awake." Charlie steered the conversation back on track. "Are you two going to walk in further?"

Dean and Cas nodded, and Charlie continued. "At the back of the hall, you see a throne on a dais. In the throne sits an elegantly dressed woman. She is sitting with her legs over one arm and her back against the other. In her hands, she holds a long wooden staff with a bright purple crystal floating at one end, presumably the top." Charlie watched for a reaction, not receiving one, and continued. "She looks at the two of you lazily, as though you are nothing, despite the fact you two did not succumb to her sleeping spell. She speaks. 'Well, hello, darlings. 'Tis not often that we receive guests in this part of the forest.' Roll for your choice of interaction, boys."

Cas looked at Dean and shrugged. "I've got nothing, Dean. I'm still a negative modifier in Charisma. You can roll, and I'll roll for support if you need it."

"Guess I'll roll for performance?" He looked at Charlie, "Here goes nothing. 'My lady, I come from the city a day south of here. They speak of a great evil that has stolen their sacred trinkets. I believe they may be mistaken, as I sense no evil here.'"

Dean rolled his d20. Eighteen. "Suck it again, Charlie."

"Not so fast, Dean. The Warlock stands up from her throne and walks to the edge of the dais. 'Do you honestly believe you flatter me? Do you think I did not know why you have come? You are right in that you sense no evil, but I am enraged.'"

"Can we roll to save yet? Dean's gonna get us killed." Gabe interrupted.

"Nope, not yet," Charlie responded, before returning back to character. "'Have you been sent to kill me as well?'”

"'No one said anything about killing, Jensen.'" Cas spoke up in character for the first time the entire game. "'I would not have come if we were told to kill an innocent.'"

"Cas, roll for deception." Charlie rolled her eyes. Cas complied, rolling an eighteen. "What's your modifier?"

"Negative one."

"Seventeen wins. Fuck. She believes you." Charlie scribbled down a note while Dean and Cas high-fived. Charlie slipped back into character. "'So if you are not here to kill me, what are you here to do?'"

Dean looked around the table. All eyes were on him. "'To retrieve the missing items, my lady. I do not believe you have stolen them. They are seven trinkets of great importance and great power.'" Dean rolled. Nine.

"What's your modifier, Dean?"

He traced his finger over his paper. "Plus four, plus three, and plus two from a trinket. Nine, so eighteen total."

Charlie glared at him. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Nope." He offered his character sheet, which she took. Charlie looked at the pages and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Dammit, you two. 'I do have the trinkets, although I did not steal them. They were delivered to me as a gift.'"

"'My lady, perhaps if we could retrieve the trinkets, and return them to the city, along with our awakened friends, we could speak good of you, how you protected them and willingly returned them.'"

"Deception test, and so help me, Dean, if you roll well." Charlie braced herself.

Dean offered the d20 to Cas, who blew on it again. Dean rolled it in his palm before letting it roll off of his hand and onto the table. Time seemed to still as it teetered and tottered around before landing with a natural twenty face up.

The whole table cheered, jumping up in excitement as Charlie slouched back into her chair. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean's neck and hugged him tightly. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and returned the hug.

The pair pulled back slightly, and Dean's eyes flickered from Cas' eyes to his mouth and back again before they were interrupted by a cough from Charlie. "If you two are done..."

Cas and Dean quickly separated, before sitting back down in their respective seats. A flush ran up the back of Dean's neck, and his ears were pounding from a combination of excitement and the fact that Cas had held him in a tight hug.

"Alright, then. Where were we?" Charlie cleared her throat and glared at Dean. "'You mean that, don't you?' The Warlock slams her staff against the floor, and you can feel rejuvenating magic run through the room. You can hear your friends behind you start to stir."

"I'm going to move back to check on them," Cas stated. "To make sure they're okay and to keep them from attacking the Warlock."

"Whatever. You asshats won. Killed my hopes and ambitions. The Warlock conjures a box out of air. 'You will find all seven trinkets inside and intact. I am not lying when I say that it was delivered here. The skeletons you killed on the way? Those were the men who made the delivery.' The Warlock turns away from you, Dean, and steps back up to her throne. ''Twas not my wish to harm them either. Men are either common or have common sense, never both. I'm glad you thought with your upper brain.'"

"'No offense, my lady, for your beauty is quite apparent. But it's not you who holds my eye.'" Dean responded in character.

Charlie smiled knowingly but replied in character. "The Warlock looks past you and rests her eyes on Misha. 'So I have gathered. You may go, but do not feel obligated to speak of my innocence. I doubt it will lift my exile.'"

"Really, Red?" Dean shook his head. "'Doesn't mean we won't try. Fare thee well, my Lady.' Jensen bows towards the warlock and heads back to the rest of the party."

"Alright, guys, any of you want to try and kill the Warlock?" Charlie asked the group. "Y'all were asleep. You lawful good guys?" She eyed up Sam and Eileen.

"I think we're good, Charlie. Just admit that Dean-O got you good." Gabe sat back in his chair.

Charlie pouted. "Fine. You guys start to head back, do you want to check the skeletons you destroyed?"

"Actually, yes, if the rest of the party doesn't mind." Dean around the table and everyone agreed to do it. "What do you want us to roll?"

"Wait, you let me loot them earlier." Meg cut in.

"Yeah, you were looking for loot, now you're examining them. This is totally not me retconning." Charlie's comment got a laugh from everyone at the table. "If you want to examine, roll for insight or investigation." Charlie got up from the table and headed back towards the bedrooms. "I'll be right back."

Those who rolled for insight, Eileen, Cas, Sam, and Dorothy rolled nine, a natural 1, eleven, and fourteen, respectively. Gabe and Dean, who rolled for investigation, rolled a twelve and a fifteen.

Charlie re-entered with a gift bag and looked at their rolls. "Damn Cas, you need some new dice. You trip over one of the bones and fall down. Sam, Dot, Gabe, and Dean, you each realize that the symbol on the skeletons' tabards is that of the magistrate judges. One of you can grab one and bring it back with you."

"My character helps Misha back to his feet," Dean spoke up. "Cause he's being nice. I swear."

"Yeah, okay, Dean." Charlie starts pulling out wrapped presents out of the bag. "You all return to the Lord of Sprús Bán and hand over the trinkets and the tabard of one of the skeletons. Dean, do you recount what the Warlock told you?"

"Yep." He grabbed his d20, knowing what was coming next. "Persuasion?" He rolled the die, landing another natural 20. "Well, shit."

"Well, shit, indeed." Charlie agreed. "The Lord is flabbergasted, and immediately calls for the magistrate who exiled the Warlock to be called before him. He promises to give her a full pardon, and allow her to come back to town if she wishes.

"As your reward," Charlie continued, "The Lord claps, and has one of his servants bring forth a package for each of you." Charlie looked at each gift and started handing them around the table. "Merry Christmas, bitches!"

Dean slowly opened his present. In the small gift bag, he found a note in Charlie's meticulous handwriting. Now use it, dumbass. He set the letter down and pulled the last piece of tissue paper out. He looked in the bag and blushed, before staring at Charlie in shock.

Charlie winked at him before looking back at the rest of the group. "I hope you all like your presents. And you all get one XP point. Except for Dean and Cas. They get two."

The group got up and pulled Charlie into a group hug, before grabbing food to munch on and lounging around on the sofas, turning on the TV and putting on Christmas movies.

Dean smiled as his little makeshift family got comfortable. Once they were settled, he headed back to his room and sat on his bed with Charlie's gift in his lap. He opened the bag and looked back in, completely confused by what she wanted him to use it for.

"Dean?" Cas knocked on the door frame and called to him, questioningly. "Everything ok?"

"Yeah, I'm good." He set the gift bag on his nightstand. "What's up?"

"You're back here and not out there with us. Is something the matter?" Cas entered Dean's room, and suddenly the room felt too small, too warm, too everything.

Dean shook his head. "Nah. Just wanted a second." Dean paused before looking at Cas. "Can I ask what Charlie got you?"

"Sure." Cas reached into his pocket and pulled out a jar of honey. "It's that really fancy stuff from the farmer's market." Cas tilted his head. "Why, what did she get you?"

"Um..."

"Did Charlie prank gift you? Want me to go yell at her?" Cas smiled and walked to the foot of Dean's bed. Dean's heart pounded faster, and he watched in admiration as his best friend, the man he had been pining after for years, came closer to him.

Realization hit Dean and knocked the air out of him. He stood up and grabbed the bag, walked over to Cas, and stuck his hand inside. Dean swallowed hard as he slowly pulled his hand out, exposing a sprig of Mistletoe that he held up over their heads.

Cas' looked up, and his mouth settled into a soft smile. "Huh, look at that. Mistletoe." Cas stepped in closer, tossing his honey jar onto Dean's bed. He rested his hands on Dean's hips. "Look at me, Dean." He waited until Dean locked eyes with him. Cas leaned forward, his lips finding Dean's and softly pressing them together in a chaste kiss.

Dean whimpered at softness and briefness of the kiss, and chased after Cas, tossing the mistletoe to the side and wrapping his arms around Cas' neck. Dean crashed their lips together, pouring forth the feelings and hopes he had for what he and Cas could be, hoping that Cas could feel every ounce of love he gave.

They parted for air, softly resting their foreheads together, holding each other in their tender embrace. "I can't go back, Cas. Not after that, not knowing what this feels like. What today felt like." Dean stole another brief kiss. "I love you, Cas. I have for a long time, I just didn't want to mess us up. Didn't want to give you a reason to run and lose you."

"You won't ever lose me, Dean." Cas let go with one of his hands and reached up to cup Dean's cheek. "You mean too much to me." He leaned in and kissed Dean again, returning the love, the passion, the hope that Dean felt. Cas pulled back, smiling. "Shall we go let Charlie know that her gift was perfect?"

[doctortreklock]

Anything Can Be - December 11, 2019

Part of my Resolution19. Read it on AO3.

Prompt: Anything Can Happen, Child (x)

December is a month of Remixes and Sequels!!!

Fandom: Supernatural

Title: "Listen to the Mustn'ts" by Shel Silverstein

Words: 3127

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

His phone was ringing.

It was the first time it had rung since he'd left the bunker three days earlier. Cas had half-expected a few angry or drunken phone calls within a few hours of his departure.

He wasn't sure if he was pleasantly or unpleasantly surprised to find out that Dean apparently hadn't even really cared that he'd gone.

And now his phone was ringing. According to caller id, it was Dean.

He took it out of his pocket and set it on the picnic table in front of him. He watched it dance across the rough surface as it buzzed. Just before it was about to fall off the edge, it stopped and the screen went blank again.

Cas nudged it further onto the table with the side of his hand and went back to attempting to eat his hamburger without spilling sauce all over himself.

It didn't budge. Dean hadn't left a voicemail.

Again, Cas wasn't sure how he felt about that.

He balled up his garbage and threw it away, pocketing his phone as he returned to his car. He had just buckled his seatbelt, when he heard the strangest thing, like someone was tuning a radio and sliding up and down the dial. Just lots and lots of static with ever-changing frequencies.

He frowned at his dash, but the car wasn't on, so the radio was likewise silent. The static kept tuning until Cas could make out some words.

"-gel Castiel." Dean paused. "If he's listening, that is." It was a prayer. It had been so long since he had been hailed by a sibling on "angel radio," as Dean called it, that he apparently had forgotten what it was like. And now Dean was calling him.

"I'm not even sure if this is still w......ng. Or if you even want to .........ve to say. But Cas--" and Dean sounded determined now "--I'm going to keep trying." Apparently his connection was still a little spotty. Metatron hadn't done his grace any favors by surgically removing it from its angel, and even with his grace currently restored, his power was waning. Who knew how long he'd be able to receive prayers at all.

Cas ignored the pang in his chest at the thought. He'd been without reception before and he'd do it again. No matter that receiving prayers was among the lowest-powered abilities an angel had. He'd be fine.

"I'm praying to the angel Castiel, if he's st............king my calls. Cas," and Dean sounded lonely, no matter the distance, "you once said you'd always come wh..................ll. Is that still true?"

The static had been longer that time, but it didn't matter. Cas could remember the day he'd said it as if it were yesterday. Half at each other's throats, both trying so desperately to sway the other to their way of thinking. I always come when you call. He sighed, half exasperated, half fond, which really wasn't a new combination when it came to dealing with Dean Winchester.

Silence crackled across the line for a moment before Cas heard Dean echo his unheard sigh. He could almost picture the well-worn expression on Dean's face. "I'm going to keep call.........ou, Cas. So if you can hear me, I'd app......ate it if you'd let me talk to you, man.” There was a pause before Cas heard Dean whisper “Amen.”

The line abruptly cut off, and Cas was left in a ringing silence.

He carefully didn't think about the prayer, took a deep breath, and reached for his keys. Before he had a chance to turn the key in the ignition, his phone rang again, a harsh buzzing breaking the silence and the phone vibrating against his thigh.

Cas rested his hand over the phone in his pocket, trying to decide whether or not he was going to pick up. Despite his better judgement, he sighed and fished it out just before it would have gone to voicemail.

"Hello, Dean," he said shortly. The warmth that had always accompanied the words before was gone.

Dean cleared his throat. "Hey, Cas," he said.

He didn't say anything after that, and Cas waited for a long moment, his irritation growing before he growled, "What do you want?"

"I'm sorry," Dean blurted out. "Really sorry, Cas. Really, really sorry."

Cas pursed his lips and didn't say anything.

"I just--" Dean broke off. "I-- Can I see you?"

His voice was quiet and more tentative than Cas thought he had ever heard from the other man. He closed his eyes and rubbed a thumb over the bridge of his nose. He didn't want to. Dean's accusations still rang in his ears days later. But the indifference he had assumed hadn't materialized, and Dean was asking for him. I always come when you call.

He was going to regret this.

"Where?" he asked shortly.

Dean's exhale of relief was loud over the connection. "What state are you in?" he asked.

"Oregon," Cas lied.

"Okay, uh... There's a diner in Rock Springs, Lucinda's, if you wanted to meet there," Dean suggested, and it sounded more like a question than a statement.

"When?"

Cas could hear Dean thinking. It was nine and a half hours from Lebanon to Rock Springs. If Cas really was in Oregon, it would be a couple more than that for him. It was currently Sunday afternoon, so if they adhered to Dean's usual road trip schedule, he'd suggest Monday night, or maybe Tuesday morning if he was feeling generous or particularly tired. That would pose a slight problem, considering Cas's actual location, but it wasn't the first time--

"Wednesday at 11?" Dean asked tentatively.

Cas actually froze for a moment. That was...surprisingly...surprising. It meant something, he was sure. He just wasn't sure what it was.

"Okay," he agreed. And hung up.

He put the phone back in his coat pocket by sheer muscle memory. He stared out the front windshield for a moment, then shook himself and started the car. He had to get going. Even with Dean's unexpectedly generous timing, it was still seventeen hours to Rock Springs from Pontiac, Illinois.

--

When Cas pulled up to Lucinda's Family-Style Diner at quarter to 11 on Wednesday, the Impala was already parked there. When he walked in, he found Dean in a booth with a carafe of coffee, an emptied mug, and small pieces of paper from a dismantled straw wrapper strewn across the table's surface. There was a portable radio squeezed on the bench between him and the wall.

Cas didn't say anything. He sat on the other side of the booth, folded his hands on the table, and stared at Dean expectantly. He may have come when Dean called, but that didn't mean he had to like it. One of the wait staff started heading towards their table, but Dean waved them off.

Dean shifted in his seat. "Hey, Cas," he said, rolling a scrap of the straw wrapper between his fingers. "You want some coffee?" he offered, gesturing to the carafe.

"Thank you," Cas replied stiffly, turning over the clean mug on his side of the table. When he picked up the carafe, he noticed that it was much lighter than he'd been expecting, and his cup served to empty it entirely. "Been here long?" he commented.

Dean shrugged. "Not too long." He paused, fidgeting with the straw wrapper before he dropped it to the table. "Uh, here," he said, grabbing the portable radio and sliding it on to the edge of the table.

It was an older model, square and silver, with two speakers on the face and a cassette player and the radio controls in the middle. Cas looked at it for a moment, then looked at Dean expectantly.

"It's a boombox," Dean explained.

Somewhere in the mass of pop culture Metatron had dumped into his brain, Cas felt a small ping, but he couldn't quite make the reference surface. "What?"

"It's--" Dean looked uncomfortable. "It's from those movies...you know...with the--" he sighed. "They're chick flicks, man. And the guy has to win back the girl so he makes a big romantic gesture and stands outside her window with a boombox, and--" he broke off.

"And she takes him back," Cas finished, the reference finally clicking.

"Yeah," Dean agreed. "She takes him back." He glanced at the radio before his eyes flitted to Cas. "So here I am, boombox in hand."

That was not... Cas cleared his throat and gently slid his mug in a circle, watching the black coffee swirl against the sides. "This is your big romantic gesture," he clarified.

"Yes." This, at least, seemed to be something Dean was sure of.

No matter Cas's feelings on the matter, he had been sure Dean had always seen their relationship in the plainest of terms. Friend. Family. Now, with the boombox sitting unavoidably on the table, Cas abruptly realized that maybe Dean was seeing the same depth he was, like a two-dimensional image suddenly offset to reveal a third axis.

His mouth went dry. "Go on."

"Cas," Dean started firmly. Then he stopped, as if unsure where to go now that he'd gotten permission to proceed. "I want to apologize first. For everything that I said-- For everything." He looked down at the scraps of paper he was fidgeting with again, but forcibly dragged his eyes back up to meet Cas's. "I didn't mean any of it. Not Rowena, not Mom, not... Not any of it." He paused. "I wasn't in a good place. I mean, it doesn't excuse it, but-- I wasn't in a good place. Mom had just died and--"

"Dean," Cas interrupted. "If you were 'not in a good place' every time you lost a loved one, or an apocalyptic event occurred, you would never be in a 'good place.'" He didn’t use air quotes. He’d learned that much about humanity at least.

Dean paused, appearing thrown by Cas's comment. "...Good point. Thanks, Cas." He sounded careful, not annoyed, which had been Cas's expectation.

Dean cleared his throat roughly. "I was in a worse place than usual, and I took it out on you." He looked directly at Cas. "I'm sorry."

Cas took a drink of his lukewarm coffee. "Did you mean it?"

"No!" Dean said quickly. "Not at all! I mean, yeah, Cas, things go wrong, things always go wrong, but..." He took a breath and it sounded like he was quoting. "Sometimes that's your fault. But sometimes it's my fault and sometimes it's Sam's fault. It's sort of a family motto." His smile was weak and crooked.

"And Cas," he continued quickly. "It might have been me and Sam for a while there, but it hasn't been just the two of us for years now; it's been the three of us - you and me and Sam. And we're just not a family anymore without you."

"So I'm an honorary Winchester?" Cas asked ironically.

"I'm not sure it's honorary anymore," Dean said honestly. "I think you're just a Winchester now."

Stunned, Cas blinked at him for a second before dropping his gaze back to his half-empty mug of cold coffee. As declarations go, it was more than Cas had thought he'd get. Years of being not human enough and not trusted enough and simply not enough had driven it home that he would never be Winchester enough for the brothers.

And now Dean was offering him the title of "family," as if he'd never meant to deny him it in the first place. I'm dead to you rang through his head, followed by the stifling silence of Dean's reply.

"What did you come here to say?" Cas asked softly.

"Three things," Dean told him, counting off on his fingers. "First, that I'm sorry for what was said, what I said. I was angry, but I didn't mean it, any of it.

"Two. You're family. Full stop. No matter what else, you're a Winchester til the day you die." His expression was definitely lopsided and crooked now. "Please don't die."

He grabbed another scrap of wrapper and started twisting it. There weren't a lot of untouched pieces left. "If you don't want to see me, you don't have to," Dean admitted, and it sounded like he was pulling teeth. "Sammy misses you. We just want to know you're safe."

Cas took that in. He couldn't deny that he had missed Sam, and it would be a relief to always get the benefit of the doubt - assuming anything in his relationship with the brothers would actually change, no matter Dean's promises. It wouldn't alter much for the rest of the world; all the angels, demons, and other beings he ran into who knew of him knew that he was associated with the Winchesters. It would be nice, he reflected, to have some of the unwavering support that seemed to come with the title. John Winchester, after all, had not been a good father to his sons, but they would not stand to have anyone malign him in their hearing. That might be nice.

Dean hadn't said anything yet, so Cas prompted him. "Three?"

"Three," Dean breathed. He closed his eyes for a moment before opening them, squaring his shoulders, and meeting Cas's gaze head-on. "I'm in love with you, Cas," he declared.

Cas blinked at him. He hadn't expected that. "Okay," he agreed.

Dean didn't seem to have expected that response either. "Okay?" he echoed.

"Okay," Cas confirmed.

"Does that-- I mean, do you--" Dean floundered. "Can you give me more than 'okay'?" he asked. "Like...like how you feel?"

Cas certainly could. "Dean, I was lost to heaven the moment I met you, and I turned my back on everything I believed because of you," Cas informed him dryly. "Did you need anything more explicit?"

Dean gaped at him. "Well, I--"

"Because I did tell you," Cas said shortly. "Explicitly. That I loved you. When I was dying. And you didn't say anything." He paused. "So that was awkward."

"I see you've finally gotten the hang of sarcasm," Dean said, a teasing grin sliding into place. It was hollow, though, and Cas hadn't realized how much Dean had let his walls down until one was rebuilt in front of him.

"Dean," Cas said tiredly, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

The wall fell as quickly as Dean had erected it. "Look, man, I'm sorry, I am," he said, the facade he had attempted cracking easily under the weight of the conversation. "And I'm going to keep screwing up, both of us know that. I just..." He dropped his gaze to the tabletop. "I'm hoping you'd rather have me, cursed or not," he said, and the phrase sounded clumsy and unpracticed in his mouth.

Cas stared at him, wide-eyed.

Dean rubbed his hands together nervously and didn't look up. "You, uh, you gave everything for me, you rebelled and fell and-- You always came when I called, Cas. Always." Dean glanced up at Cas, and Cas wasn't sure what he saw, but Dean didn't drop his eyes again. "When I said I needed you...what I meant was that I loved you, Cas. A lot."

Yesterday, Cas hadn't believed anything would have been able to break Naomi's spell quicker than Dean's impassioned voice pleading with him to stop, spilling the phrase We're family. We need you. I need you. He had been wrong. Now, in this moment, Cas was absolutely certain that he was free of all spells and compulsions. Dean Winchester looking him square in the eye and telling him he loved him (twice!) would have broken any enchantment on him thrice over.

"When I asked you what was real, you told me that we were," Dean continued. "And Cas? That's been true the whole time. Everything. Every time you showed up for a hunt and hung around after for burgers and milkshakes. Every time I was at the end of my rope and you bailed me out. Every time you were lost and I found you." Dean swallowed and added quieter, "Every time I was lost and you found me. That was real.

"I know I haven't been the best friend," Dean admitted, closing his eyes briefly, too long to be a blink. "Or the best brother. Or the best partner. And I'm sorry. But Cas," Dean said roughly. "There has never been a day since you raised me that I haven't thought of you." And when he looked at Cas, the falling angel could see that there was absolute truth in the hunter's eyes. "I love you," he finished simply. "I miss you."

"Dean," Cas said, and this time, he couldn't help the warmth that spread through his tone. "What did you come here to ask me?" he repeated.

"Will you come home?" Dean asked, and the note of hope in his voice sounded rusty and seldom-used.

He'd know this was coming, but Cas still hadn't realized how hard it would be to deny his petition. "I don't think that's a good idea," he said gently. "Not right now."

Dean's shoulders slumped. "Right," he said. "Sure."

"I just think we should take this slow," Cas told him quickly. "We both made enough mistakes; I want to make sure we do it right this time."

Dean perked up slightly. "Slow?" he clarified. "Not not-at-all?"

"Slow," Cas confirmed with a hint of a smile.

"Well," Dean said. "I don't think we've been on a proper, official date yet." He said 'date' with wonder, as if it were something he'd never imagined being able to use in this context, but now that he could...it was like pie, precious and meant to be shared.

"I've been told they don't count unless both parties present know it's a date," Cas informed him. Claire had told him that, reducing the count of theoretical dates he might have had with Dean Winchester to zero.

"Would you like to get lunch?" Dean asked lightly. "I'm buying."

"Yes," Cas told him firmly. "I would love to go on a date with you."

Dean's smile was like sunrise.

Later, after the burgers and shared fries and milkshakes in tall glasses, after Dean tells him he needs to take care of himself and to call if he runs into trouble, after Cas tells him to say hi to Sam on his behalf, Cas will stand slightly too close and tell Dean to call him. He tells him he'll answer if he can and call back if he can't. Dean will gladly accept Cas's offer, grateful to have the proffered connection at all.

It's no "always come when you call," but it's rebuilding, and realistic, and better in every way.

[profoundnet]

Header by @cryptomoon and is available on merch from her redbubble store. You can use all those fancy emojis (and more!) on our Discord server!

The Masterpost is open for all creations by ProfoundBond members which are posted in their entirety during that month.

MEMBER CONTRIBUTIONS FOR OCTOBER 2019!

Featuring works from @saywhatjessie, @mittensmorgul, ArielAquariel, @doespeterparkerisgay, @banshee1013, @andimeantittosting, Erratus, @cool-fallen-angel, @malallory, @castielslostwings, @nickelkeep, @bringmefleshandbringmewine, @sarasaurussex, iCeDreams, @emiliaoagi, @leafzelindor and @rauko-is-a-free-elf!

Masterpost below the cut.

JessJesstheBest - @saywhatjessie​ - JessJesstheBest

On The Line (T, 23k)

“Well, can I scam you?” Dean’s spoon was frozen, forgotten, halfway between his bowl and his mouth. “Did you just ask if you could scam me?” “Yes.” The guy said, cool as anything. “Can I scam you?”

Or the one where Cas is a scam caller and Dean just keeps intercepting his calls.

Tags: Alternate Universe, Human AU, Scam Caller au

mittensmorgul - @mittensmorgul​ - MittenWraith

Lifetime Piling Up (E, 59k)

Cas is having a bad day. He burned his bagel, missed his ride to work and had to run to the hospital in the pouring rain, and then witnessed his attending accidentally kill a patient during a routine surgery. Now he might be on the hook for his boss’s mistake, but was it really a mistake, or is he the next target of Dr. Nick Morningstar’s sick mind games?

Dean is also having a bad day. His brother nearly set his kitchen on fire, he’s training a new apprentice in his tattoo shop, and then he gets a mysterious call that Sam needs a ride to the hospital after a freak accident in the pouring rain left him with an injured shoulder. A chance encounter at the hospital leads Dean and Cas to each other after a decade of coincidences and premonitions, and suddenly their worst day might become the foundation for all of their best. A story of choice and destiny, and the power of found family, foretold through uncanny tattoos.

Tags: AU-modern setting, tattoo artist!Dean, surgeon!Cas, angst and fluff and smut

ArielAquariel - ArielAquariel

Quoth the Raven (G, 6k)

Dean Winchester didn’t believe in the occult. Werewolves were a myth, Nessie was a hallucination, and bigfoot was just a large hairy man who enjoyed strolling naked through the woods. He thought that crystals were a load of shit, and a smudge stick would do nothing but make your house smell like burnt sage. He didn’t believe in God, let alone ghosts. Finally, and he was 100% sure on this one, he didn’t believe in witches. Or Wicca. Or whatever they wanted to call it. His point? Everything could be explained. That is, everything but the dark-haired man walking through campus with a spellbook and a raven for a familiar…

Tags: Misunderstandings, Fluff, Pining Dean Winchester, Pining Castiel (Supernatural), Alternate Universe - College/University, Meet-Cute, Animal Lover Castiel (Supernatural)

vicktick - @doespeterparkerisgay​ - vicktick

two bros, arguing about who would top cause they're not gay (but they are) (T, 3.5k)

“No, I’m telling you, I would be the top if we were gay together.”

Oh, Twitter was going to love this: ‘my brother and his “best friend” are currently arguing about who would top if they were “gay together”. i was pretty sure they already were gay together.’

Tags: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Sam is a Little Shit, Supportive John Winchester

banshee1013 - @banshee1013​ - Banshee1013

Suptober Art/Fic (NSFW)

Art and accompanying ficlets to answer Suptober 2019 prompts.

Tags: Fluff, Angst, Depression, Temporary Character Death, Nightmare, Crossover/Fandom Fusion

andimeantittosting - @andimeantittosting​ - andimeantittosting

I Will Hang My Head Low (M, 22.5k)

Dean Winchester gave up hunting when his brother became the prophesied Boy King of Hell. Now he ekes out a meager living, chopping wood for a nearby village, until one snowy night, he follows what appears to be a falling star, and encounters an injured angel. Afterwards, he tries to put the strange night from his mind.

When he meets Castiel, a mysterious man with healing powers, they form an instant connection, and the more Dean learns of Castiel's powers—to heal, to protect, to purify—the more he begins to hope that Sam can be saved. But as they prepare to save Sam, Castiel grows sick, and then sicker still. Too late, Dean learns how much Castiel is willing to sacrifice for him.

Inspired by the Decemberists' Crane Wife and the Japanese myth on which it is based.

Tags: Temporary Major Character Death, Fairytale/Folktale AU, Sick Castiel, Grief/Mourning, Castiel's Wings, Angst With a Happy Ending

Tentacletober Fills (E, 7k)

A collection of short fills for Tentacletober prompts.

Tags: Tentacles, Consentacles, Oviposition

Erratus - Erratus

A Concerned Brother (T, 2k)

When Sam walks in on Dean and Castiel, he left worried if Castiel understands enough about human relationships.

Tags: Coming out, established relationship, canon verse, mentions of sex but no sex, Sam is concerned for Cas

Watching Over You (T, 4k)

Castiel has always been watching over Dean, keeping him alive. Even if Dean doesn't know it, he's been there.

Tags: Suicidal thoughts/attempt, pre-canon, pre-slash, Cas with different vessels, sad and hurt Dean

cool-fallen-angel - @cool-fallen-angel​

Halloween Costumes (NSFW)

I drew this piece for Winchester-reload's 2019 suptoberart challenge, day 31: Halloween

Tags: Halloween, halloween costumes, lingerie, angel costume, playboy costume, blushy Cas, suptoberart, sexy boyfriends

malallory - @malallory​

DeanCas "Funeral Bell" graphic (SFW)

Graphic created for the All Ships Creations Challenge under the theme "spooky"

Tags: 15x03

castielslostwings - @castielslostwings​ - Castielslostwings

Wants and Needs (M, 6.5k)

From a prompt in the Destiel Port FB Group! "Asexual Incubus!Cas and Demisexual Vamp!Dean"

Asexual!Incubus!Cas who has to have sex to feed to stay alive and has always resented it, until he meets Demi!vampire!Dean and discovers that being fed on... actually turns him on, and makes feeding not feel miserable for the first time ever. Imagine Ace!incubus!Cas starving for a long time because he can't stomach the thought of having sex, and then here comes Demi!vamp!Dean feeding on Cas, giving him gratification he thought can only be gained from having sex.

And, you know, they live happily ever after.

Tags: Asexual Castiel, Incubus Castiel, Vampire Dean, Demisexual/Demiromantic Dean, Hungry Castiel, Depressed Castiel, Biting/Blood Drinking, Lonely Castiel, Intimacy, Sweet Dean Winchester.

The Luck You Got (E, 90k)

Castiel and Dean grew up together. Both from broke, broken homes, falling in love was easy - until Dean’s father whisked him away. Years later, Cas is still living the struggle, selling his body to keep a roof over his siblings' heads and using drugs to get by. When Dean returns as a fully grown adult (and a paramedic at that) with his kid-brother-turned-lawyer in tow, Castiel can’t help feeling as if they’re picking up exactly where they left off. Falling swiftly in love all over again but used to only having himself to rely on, he struggles to let Dean in. When Gabriel gets arrested and takes a major source of the family’s income down with him, Castiel struggles to cope and leans on drugs and prostitution instead of Dean. Determined not to lose him for a second time, Dean fights to drag Castiel back from the claws of addiction and the brink of death, no matter what it takes. With help from friends, family, and Dean, Castiel finds himself working towards something for the first time ever, determined to choose life, love, and something more than what the city has always told him is all he has to offer.

Tags: Getting Back Together, Childhood Sweethearts, Neighbors, Poverty, Drug Addiction & Recovery, Sex Worker Castiel, Firefighter/Paramedic Dean, Angst & Fluff & Smut, Happy Ending, Romance.

nickelkeep - @nickelkeep - nickelkeep

‘Cause My Monsters Are Real (T, 8k)

"It's great," Garth responding, grabbing a chair and sliding it over. "Bess is in her glory, and the little one is doing awesome. I love her so much." He smiled a toothy grin that didn't quite meet his eyes. "I'm not here about me, though. I debated coming at all, cause I know how sacred our Fridays are, but I figured you'd want to be prepared."

Sam leaned around Rowena, his arm draped over her shoulder, "What do you mean he'd want to be prepared?"

"You too, Sam. This affects both of you. It literally just happened." Garth hung his head like a kicked puppy. "So, I was back in today, filling out my paperwork to start back up on Monday. And I overheard it."

"Spit it out, Wolfman." Dean leaned his chair back on two legs, foot resting on the table.

"Magda's getting her own room. Emma's getting a new person in the room. They're splitting you two up." Garth looked pathetically at Dean. "You're getting a new partner."

Dean instinctively kicked out, sending him backward and onto the floor. "Ow. What?"

Tags: AU - Creatures & Monsters, Shapeshifter Dean, Fallen Angel Castiel, Human/Monster Society, Kid Fic (kind of), There is Only One Under the Bed

And These Monsters Can Fight (E, 6.5k)

"You think I want to keep her here against her wishes?" Bobby shook his head vehemently. "She'd be one hell of a creature if she were one, but she should go back to the human world. There's a problem that you didn't think of."

"What's that?" Dean spat.

"Dean," Sam softly interjected. "The angels may not want or need Claire anymore because she can no longer be an angelic host, but she is still tied to a source of grace." They all looked at the Fallen.

"I can protect myself!" Claire spoke up. "What do you think I had to do when Castiel couldn't come to me thanks to the stupid rules you all have in place!?"

"Can you protect yourself from three or four or five angels?" Bobby stared at her. "I'll give you one or two, you're a spitfire. But they want him. They're not going to take it light and risk losing a couple when they need all hands on board."

"So what? You want to keep her here?" Dean asked.

Tags: AU - Creatures & Monsters, Story Continuation, Shapeshifter Dean, Fallen Angel Castiel, Human/Monster Society, There is only one under the bed.

Carry Me Home (E, 7k)

"You weren't a scout." Cas opened the laptop and pulled up YouTube. In the search bar, he typed in stopping a squeaking door. He moved the cursor over the first video; from a channel called Impala Repairs. "This looks right." He clicked on the link and grabbed his coffee.

Hey there, and welcome to another quick how-to video with Impala Repairs! I'm your host, D.W., and in today's episode, I'm going to show you the best way to stop a door's hinges from squeaking.

Gabe reached over and pushed up on Cas' chin. "Cassie? You alive over there?"

Cas nodded.

"You need a global reboot?"

Cas pulled his eyes off the screen and shot his brother a look that could kill. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"That means," Gabe reached over and took Cas' coffee, "that you were A, so infatuated with Old Green Eyes on the screen there, you almost dumped your coffee on yourself, and B, you have no idea how to fix the door."

Tags: AU - Modern Setting, Handyman Dean, Professor Castiel, Sneaky Brothers, Conspiring Sam and Gabriel, Strangers to Lovers, Crush at First Sight

Like a Burning Flame (E, 8.5k)

"No, no, no." Dean shot up from under his pile of Ikea cardboard. "There's no fire here. The smoke alarm is disabled, we're seasoning our ovens."

The firefighter removed his helmet and mask, taking Dean's breath away as though he had actually inhaled smoke. "Seasoning Ovens?" He cocked his eyebrow, his bright blue eyes shining in confusion. "And that requires smoke billowing out of the back of your building?"

Dean's mouth failed to move, entranced as he was with the gorgeous man in a firefighter's uniform in front of him. Charlie shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Call your guys off so nothing is destroyed by water, and we'll show you." She turned the firefighter back to the entrance and waited 'til he was outside before smacking Dean. "Rush your blood back to your head, will you?"

Tags: AU - Coffee Shops and Firefighters, Baker Dean, Firefighter Castiel, Strangers to Lovers, Uniform Kink, Panty Kink, Semi-Public Sex, Dom/Sub Undertones, Bad BDSM Etiquette

For the Last Time (E, 37k) - co-created with @little-crazy-misha-minion

It's been three years since Dean's had any kind of vacation. Until now. Sam and Eileen gift him a cruise as a thank you for all the things he's done for Sam, for them, for the whole family. A week away at sea seems like an ideal vacation. Still, when your name is Dean Winchester, and nothing in your life has ever gone your way, it looks like a disaster waiting to happen. Can a new friend help him turn his luck around and help him navigate the rough waters?

Tags: AU - Cruises, Closeted Bi Dean Winchester, Gay Castiel, LGBTQ Themes, Angst with a Happy Ending, NonCon Kissing (not Destiel), Anxiety/PTSD, Song Fic, Clubbing, DCBB2019

To Confess (E, 8.5k)

"So get this... We've got couples missing at a couples retreat the next state over."

"Which lovely lady you going with?" Dean uncrossed his arms and smacked Cas' hand away from the tablet so he could scroll through the article.

"Can't find one. Charlie's still not back. Jody's taking Donna on a hunt."

Cas looked up. "Well, there was a lesbian couple that went missing. You can choose a male partner."

"I was hoping you'd say that, Cas." Sam shot a look at Dean before smiling at Cas. "Will you do me the honor of being my fake husband for a case?"

"Excuse me?" Dean shot a look at Sam.

"Well, I'm not asking you, Dean." Sam shook his head. "That's... Yeah, no."

Dean crossed his arms over his chest again. "Why are you and Cas going? Cas is my best friend. He and I can pull it off better than you two can."

Tags: Canonverse, Case Fic, Idiots in Love, Fake Relationship, Breaking Up & Making up, Pray for Sam, Sam Winchester ships Destiel, Angst and Porn, Happy Ending

It’s About To Be Legendary (G, 1.5k)

"I don't want to kill a human!" Luna hissed, her whisper carrying softly so only her boyfriend could hear her. "If you mess up, you'll bring down hunters upon the pack." She whimpered. "You could bring the Winchesters upon us." Apollo stood up and turned around, his shoulders squaring out as he attempted to intimidate Luna into following his lead. "First of all, I'm not going going to fuck up, Lu. Have a little faith in your boyfriend. Second, the Winchesters are a myth. An urban legend. Something our parents tell us to make sure we follow Pack Law."

Tags: AU - Everyone Lives, Hunters and Hunting, Halloween Fic, Urban Legends

prolixdreams - @bringmefleshandbringmewine - prolixdreams

And The World Kept Turning (G, 4k)

It’s getting harder and harder to die.

Cigarettes disappeared off the market forty years past.

Proper alcohol, the poisonous kind, was banned almost immediately once a safer synthetic got a foothold in the market.

Every pill and patch is equipped with tiny computers to detect blood levels of a chemical and only release their payload when the concentration dips below a pre-set threshold, making overdose nearly impossible with anything obtained legally.

Even sweeteners are tightly regulated and highly taxed.

And now, January 17th, 2089, Castiel’s tablet feeds him another headline that promises longer, safer lives for all:

HUMAN-DRIVEN CARS FINALLY OFF ROADS FOR GOOD

Tags: Major Character Death (Implied/Referenced), Future Fic, Castiel drives the Impala

Sarasaurussex - @sarasaurussex - sarasaurussex

Sarasaurussex's Inktober, Suptober, and Profound Inktober Masterlist (NSFW, contains multishipping)

This is all of my Supernatual art for Inktober, Suptober, and Profound Inktober. Mostly Destiel, but contains non-Destiel ships (Sabriel and Sastiel).

Dress For Success (E, 2k)

Written for the Supernatural Kink Bingo on tumblr. My prompt was 'clothing sharing'. Art commissioned by Purgatory-Jar!

Tags: Clothing Sharing Kink, Humor, Smut

Wherever I May Roam (E, 11.5k, contains multishipping)

Summary: Sam and Dean get sent to another TV Land that's slightly different than the last. In this version, Jensen and Misha are dating. Written for Supernatural Kink Bingo on tumblr. My prompt was 'roleplay'.

Tags: Destiel, Cockles, Dean x Misha, Dub-Con due to Identity Issues, Idiots to Lovers, First Time, Arguing, Fluff, Smut

iCeDreams - iCeDreams

Chasing Polaris (E, 52k) - co-created with Takai13sama

Dean Winchester feels closed-in with his life at the behemoth, Mary’s Ark. His father has set him up with an arranged marriage and is refusing to budge on Dean’s suggestions to improve the steam engines. So... he does the most obvious thing surly young men do: he runs away.

While leaving the steam capital, he inadvertently meets Emmanuel, a man with secrets of his own, intriguing Dean enough to offer him a ride to a common destination.

It’s a serendipitous encounter, a trip across the country, and a chance to find where they need to be.

Tags: Steampunk, Arranged Marriage, Road Trip, Running Away

EmiliaOagi - @emiliaoagi - EmiliaOagi

It’s How You Use It (M, 2.5k)

One night Castiel discovers Supernatural fanfiction. Then Dean walks in. Some very meta crack with a smidgen of smut. Based on a prompt from the Profound Bond Discord.

Tags: Smut, Humor, Meta, Crack

Goose!Dean Crack Post 1 (SFW)

Art inspired by Untitled Goose Game and a Discord prompt: goose!Dean playing a prank on a poor unsuspecting Sam.

Goose!Dean Crack Post 2 (SFW)

Goose!Dean really wants that burger. Cas disagrees.

LeafZelindor - @leafzelindor - 

Ink/Suptober collection (SFW)

Just the short collection of the destiel pics I did during Inktober/suptober.

Art for Crayons and Candybars (SFW)

Artwork done for the DCBB fic Crayons and Candybars, written by I. Franco

rauko-is-a-free-elf - @rauko-is-a-free-elf - FeaRauko

Ocean’s Brawl (M, 55k)

In a time of oppression, the Winchester brothers and their family of misfit pirates sail the seas attacking slave traders and offering the liberated passage to safe-havens, or–if they choose it–a home on the Impala as part of Team Free Will.

Dean meets Castiel, a Naval Captain with orders to enlist him and his band of honorable sea rovers as privateers. Dean refuses, but they end up working together when Castiel offers his vessel as transport for some rescued slaves. Castiel, in turn, travels with Dean as collateral to ensure there is no foul play.

Along the way, Castiel witnesses the horrors of slavery and begins to doubt his cause, even fighting alongside Dean against a French vessel–Castiel’s own people. Castiel comes to admire this wild crew and their kind hearts…perhaps falling for one man in particular.

Tags: pirate!Dean, naval officer!Cas, enemies to lovers, team free will, openly bi!Dean, demisexual!Cas, swashbuckling, battles, shanties

Rapunzel, Rapunzel (SFW)

Art for @diminuel‘s fic, Rapunzel, Rapunzel

Tags: Rapunzel!au, fairy tale!au, prince!Dean, witch!Cas

Bisexualdemondean - outfit (SFW)

Art created for bisexualdemondean in response to the question: "What if I just wanted to look sluttier?"

Tags: demon!dean art, bisexualdemondean art

Autumn - Eileen (SFW)

Art for Day 1 of winchester-reload's suptoberart challenge

Tags: Eileen Leahy

"Good Thing I'm Yours, Then" (SFW)

Art for winchester-reaload's suptober challenge: Day 3 - Royalty Inspired by @casbeanwrites‘ fic Kiss Me Where I Lay Down

Tags: servant!Dean, prince!cas, fic art

"Kids These Days" - Art for Clarity (SFW)

Destiel art for @aloha-cowgirl‘s fic Clarity

[houseofvans]

IN THE STUDIO | CHEYNE ELLETT

We’re taking a peek into the studio space of Long Beach, CA based artist Cheyne Ellett whose cramped studio apartment serves as a study space as well as a makeshift creative zone, where he can paint, draw, sew and do all things artistic. Keeping his space optimistic and playful, Cheyne’s studio space is not only practical, but also filled with things that inspire and keep it positive for him. Take the leap and find out more about Cheyne’s space, what he does to stay creative, and what he has coming up for the rest of 2019! 

Photographs by @Morgnar 

Can you describe to folks a little about your studio or creative art space? My space is so cramped right now! I’m currently living and working out of a tiny little space in Long Beach while I’m wrapping up my degree at Cal State Long Beach. It’s constantly fluxing in between surgically placed painting/drawing supplies and a hurricane of paper and canvas flying all over the place. I screwed sheets of plywood to the walls so I can get creative with my setup and still hope to retain my deposit when I leave. I’ve been working at the same foldout table for as long as I can remember. It used to be sticker bombed with stickers I would pick up from the Warped Tour and local skate shops (RIP Utility!). Over the years paint has slowly covered the entire surface. It’s honestly the nicest neighborhood I’ve ever lived in and I’m super grateful for the great deal I was offered. It’s so awesome being able to walk at night!

What’s a typical day in the studio like for you? My studio practice changes depending on where I am. My favorite situation was when I could wake up, get to work on whatever crazy project I had going on, take a skate break around 4 till sundown,  then keep working till bedtime.         

Since I started knocking out school full time I’m usually up by 8am and roll out the door by 8:30. I’m gone at school from 9am-11pm roughly four days a week right now. When I finally get home I keep working until about 2 then crash and repeat.  I graduate in roughly two months, so the grind is almost over. Having an overhead desk lamp with a legit bulb in it has been a game changer for the late night paint jams. 

I guess one weird working quirk is last July right after my birthday I hurt my neck and have been slowly learning to work in a way where I’m not in constant pain. I’ve been scaling up and drawing with stuff taped to a drawing board mounted on an easel. I started yoga in January, and after three months I’ve noticed a significant amount of improvement, so maybe I can scale back down and get gnar with the details again soon.

On the weekends. I’ll wake up and try and chill out so I don’t get burned out more than I already am. I live 5 blocks from Cherry skatepark, so I’ll try and take a break to roll over there or even cruise over to local homies houses and play board games or get a family style meal going. 

What type of things do you keep around the studio to inspire you or motivate you? Whats the most significant piece of wall art or inspiration you have in the space? Art, artbooks, zines, stickers, spray-paint, 25 cent toys, random quotes written on scrap paper, little sculptures my friends have made, goofy pictures I’ve taken or found, lots of music! I try to keep the tone optimistic and playful. If I’m ever really stuck I’ll pull out this art book about stickers and just get lost going through the pages. It was the first artbook I ever acquired and is loaded with work from my heroes and contemporaries. It’s a great little piece that reminds me of that magic feeling that got me going in the first place when I start to feel a little lost.

What are you currently working on that you can share? I’m working on a body of work right now exploring social systems. It’ll most likely be part of my graduation show at CSULB in May. Otherwise I’ve kind of been laying low just, so I can recoup and focus on all the health drama I’ve been dealing with. Just taking it one day at a time, if there’s anything I’ve learned in school so far, it is to be patient and just keep going.

How do you unwind when you’re not working in the studio? Does your studio space serve as a strictly art space or is it also a chill space? I used to think breaks and doing anything other than working on art was a waste of time. It’s only recently I started to see the real value of taking breaks and just checking out to chill and have genuine fun. It all feeds back into the work when I knuckle down and get serious. I’m a music and food dude, so I’m in a great place to try all the stuff here in LB. I’m always snacking on burritos or bowls of noods from Cambodia town! Living in Long Beach is perfect for my inner skaterat too. There’s 10 skateparks in the city alone. Bombing down Cherry Hill and skating the beach path at sunset is easily one of my favorite things right now though!               Whose studio would you like to peek into? If we’re talking anyone dead or alive, I’d be excited to see Philip Guston or Goya’s studios. Alive probably George Condo or even Mark Gonzales! Honestly I’d be up to visit anyone who’s having fun doing what they love, that’s what it’s all about!

[just-another-busy-fangirl-writes]

May 3, 2019

Feel free to tag me in ANY fics you post, and see previous weeks’ fic recs HERE

SMUT

Moose Masseuse by @crispychrissy    When you’re sore after a hunt, Sam uses his knowledge from his time at the health spa to help you relax.

Let Me Love You by @evansrogerskitten    Reader is getting over a bad breakup and ready for a rebound hook up. Thankfully she meets a gorgeous green-eyed stranger who is down for a night of bliss.

Memory by @idreamofplaid    The reader gets pregnant while Sam doesn’t have a soul. When he finds out how it happened, he’s not going to like it.

No Teasin’ Just Pleasin’ by @saltnhalo (on AO3)    The song is nearing its end as Dean pauses in the centre of the stage, fingers teasing at the waistband of his chaps. For the first time in his routine, he allows himself to look over towards Castiel’s table. Gabe is watching with the air of someone who’s generally more interested in the feminine figure, but Cas? Cas looks like he wants to eat Dean alive.

Mine by @sofreddie    Sam finally meets her…his Omega.

FLUFF

The Little Details by @atc74    On a hunt gone wrong, the reader is injured and doesn’t remember her family. 

[Untitled Destiel] by @bendingsignpost     Castiel has a regular visitor to his flower shop.

Box Sixty Three by @crispychrissy    While helping the boys do inventory at the bunker, you end up getting whammied by a very peculiar object.

ANGST

I Wanna Go Back by @atc74    Dean is badly injured on the job and gets a glimpse of his past that makes him realize a few things. 

Driving Miss Baby by @evansrogerskitten    Things don’t go so well when the new female damages Baby.

Familiar Roads by @katymacsupernatural    Jared is called in for an extra shift instead of staying home with his fiance.

Gravity by @trexrambling    You’ve always been fine by yourself, but always doesn’t always last.

SERIES

Only Sweeter by rivkat (on AO3)    Dean gets amnesia; Sam tries to use it to fix him. Sam/Dean for certain values of Sam/Dean.

[thesims4blogger]

The Sims 4 on Xbox & PlayStation 4: New Game Patch (July 16th, 2019)

There’s a Sims 4 update available for players on Xbox One and PlayStation 4.

Update: 07/16/2019 – v1.16

It seems like only yesterday when we added Mouse & Keyboard support to The Sims 4 but that hasn’t stopped us from making improvements based on your feedback while preparing for Island Living. The team has also been hard at work on new features and have addressed some long standing issues so let’s dig in, starting with the new stuff.

New Console Features

Mouse & Keyboard can now be used to bypass the “Press START” screen rather than requiring a controller to get to the Main Menu. That means you can start and finish your Simming session using the control scheme you prefer. Now, where’s the any key?

I’m on a boat… Oh I’m not?!?! Seems that going into First Person view didn’t agree with all Simmers and left some feeling a little ill. Worry not, head to Options > Game Camera and Disable First Person Head Bob for that more on rails feel while you are inside your Sims’ heads.

When entering cheats, Sims would continue their day as if they didn’t have a care in the world. Using a controller, adding cheats could take most of a Sim day if you were unlucky. Now, when entering cheats, the game will pause letting you add all the cheats you want without missing a second of Sim life.

Randomize Traits Button

We all get creative block sometimes, other times we just look for a challenge. Whatever your approach you can now hit the Randomize Traits button in CAS to get a set of traits you might not usually pick for your Sim. Will your Sim be a Jealous, Lazy Goofball or a Genius, Slob who Hates Children? Let the dice decide.

Lounge Chair

Everyone (even you) gets a FREE LOUNGE CHAIR! That’s right, we’ve added a delightfully Portable Lounge Chair, so you can now lounge by the pool they way you’ve always wanted and you don’t even need to wake at the crack of dawn to put your towel down.

Pride Content

Created in partnership with the It Gets Better Project you can show your pride with some fantastically colorful new clothing. From the rainbow leggings to the body suit and new t-shirts your Sim can show their Pride. In addition, we’ve also included a selection of decorative Pride flags for hanging on your Sims’ walls. Finally, we’ve updated our bathroom door sets in-game so that every bathroom door also includes a gender-neutral version for builders, and includes a full suite of color swatches for mixing and matching to your heart’s content. Happy Pride Month everyone, even if we did get here a little late!

Stilt Foundations

Or as we like to call them, High Heels for your House. Or House Heels. These things don’t need to be limited to just the tropics. Stilts are a great partner in crime to terrain manipulated and flat lots, in any biosphere. You can find them in Build Mode alongside all the other regular Foundation types. Now go get your stilt on.

Further Eaves Extension

Now you can pull your Eaves… further.

Freelancer Career

Freelancer is a brand-new type of career. Sims can choose to be a Freelance Artist, Programmer, or Writer, and will work through an agency that will connect them with a variety of gigs. Unlike other careers, there’s no defined work schedule to worry yourself over. Need some extra Simoleons? Smash through a few gigs in a single day and get paid! Need some time off? No problem – plenty of gigs will be waiting for you when you’re ready to get back to work. Your office is wherever you want it to be. Perhaps a quiet corner in the local library, or maybe you’d prefer a home office decked out in the new set of office furniture? You’re your own boss, so the choice is yours! Completion of gigs across the different agencies will lead to a variety of rewards, and ever-increasing pay.

New Objects

This free set of home office furniture and decor is ideal for your burgeoning Freelancer Sims!

Bookcase: Edgier LadderCase

Desk: Anglette Desk

Desk Chair: The Professional

End Table: A Cute Anglette

Decor: Not So Simple Pen Holder

Decor: Hand Reference Model

Decor: Robo, The Friendly Circuitry Kit

Decor: The Note Book

Laptop: FreeRoam Portable Computing Device

Wall Decor: Better As A Pair Of Paintings

Wall Decor: Supreme Freelancer Award

Doors of many Colors

Knock knock! Who’s there? Color! Color who? 350 new color swatches spread across all of the doors. Yeah, maybe the future as a stand up comedian isn’t in my future after all.

New Lot Traits

Clothing Optional: This new venue-only lot trait will inspire your Sims to — you guessed it — get nude.

Off-The-Grid: Now you can live out your nomadic fantasy on any lot. Applying this lot trait will remove your Sim’s use of power and running water, but on the upside it keeps your bills down. Keep a lookout for existing objects with the “Works Off-The-Grid” note in the Buy Catalog.

New Clothing

Freelancers tend to want comfy, but professional outfits. We’ve got them covered with the following new pieces of clothing.

Women

Men

A cable knit cardigan outfit

A sweater and skirt outfit

A layered sweater

A pair of flats

A collared sweater

A button up shirt

A crewneck sweater

A pair of drawstring pants

Immaculate White Shelf

According to SimGuruGraham, Simmers really REALLY wanted a plain white version of “The Immaculate” shelf available in Buy Mode. Who are we to argue with what SimGuruGraham tells us?

More Toddler Diaper Colors

We added some L’il Swimmies Splashy Diapers! You don’t necessarily have to use them for splashing in the water, but that’s where our brains were at when we made them. We made these not only in anticipation for Island Living, but we also thought you’d appreciate more swimming options for your toddlers to use in the Seasons Kiddie Pool.

Back Float

A new Back Float interaction is available for Sims swimming in the pool. Select the water. Try it out. Take a load off.

Fishing Additions

Brace yourself, we’re about to cast you into a deep dive…

We added several new interactions to allow players to fish in different ways and interact with other Sims around fishing activities.

Sims can perform a few new Fishing-based socials to gain useful info (via UI TNS/Notebook) and push NPCs to Fish.

Fishing is now joinable.

Improved fishing interaction tuning and autonomy to make the interaction more efficient and fun.

Upper skill levels now provide more meaningful rewards, with new Interactions added to Fishing skill levels

New high skill cast interaction “Angle for Big Catch” increases chance of getting rarer fish.

New high-skill VFX visuals on Rare fishing spots.

Ability to now “Mentor Sims in Fishing.”

Fishing UI has improved information, including Notebook info with Bait information.

Tuning for fish that can be caught is unique per world & more fishing spots added to some of our previously shipped worlds.

New bait preference system applied to most existing fish that modify catch chances.

Ceiling Fan Updates

Ceiling Fans will now cool a room if you have Seasons and the fan is on. Oh yeah, speaking of which, we also added the ability to turn them On and Off. And while we were at it, we figured we’d make them dry off damp Sims too.

Ceiling Objects Build Sort

We also added a new Ceiling Objects Build sort category to make things like Fans easier to find.

Swimming Things

There is now a chance for interesting things to happen to your Sims while swimming, like getting a cramp or losing their suit (eek!). Swimming also now gives your Sims a boost in Fitness skill gain.

Part-Time Jobs Update

And last but not least (you still with me?) all existing Part-Time Jobs are no longer just for Teens. That’s right, now elders could work as Fast Food Employees. Young Adults could be Babysitters if they want. Why not? The Part-Time world is your oyster. Oh oh oh — and one last thing on that note: You can now have two Part-Time Jobs at once and pick between shifts. Wowee.

The green pulsing of the snap cursor would previously appear every 20-30 seconds for some players even if you were using a Mouse & Keyboard. That pulse is under control now, unless you are using snap cursor in which case you should expect to see it.

Rooms can now be resized with the Mouse & Keyboard control scheme.

Talking of Mouse & Keyboard, if you use them you can live drag objects now.

Simmers using a Mouse & Keyboard can now make use of edge scrolling. We had the option before but it didn’t work as you might have thought.

The Virtual Cursor may be virtual but it doesn’t mean it was meant to disappear after you came out of build mode.

Sims will travel to the correct venue when invited out to an event by a NPC Sim.

Fixed an issue where the UI would occasionally indicate that a Sim was at work, when they were actually at home, which would block access to the Sim’s inventory.

Sims will no longer receive random phone calls from other Sims between the hours of 8pm and 10am, allowing them to enjoy a full – and speedy – night’s sleep.

Fixed an issue where multiple music tracks could end up looping and playing simultaneously.

Expecting parents will once again be able to “Take Family Leave” via their phone to take time off from work.

Fixed an issue where a Sim who had cheated with another Sim romantically, were then unable to successfully propose to that Sim and get married.

Fixed an issue where Sims in the eSport Gamer branch of the Tech Guru career were not earning money when programming video games.

The Pick Up Serving Together interaction will no longer cause one of the Sims involved to fail to route to the food.

Fixed an issue where interactions on the Digitalistic Sketchpad object would disappear if a Sim’s actions were canceled while they were picking up the Digitalistic Sketchpad.

Updated the Digitalistic Sketchpad object so that creating paintings on it will satisfy Aspiration goals and work tasks that involve painting.

Fixed an issue with the Lin-Z Smart Speaker, where the interaction to hire a Gardener would remain unselectable, even when the home had a garden that needed tending.

Sims will now look at the Lin-Z Smart Speaker when speaking to it.

The “Pre-Owned Painter’s Easel”, that’s unlocked via the Painter career, will now provide an Inspirational emotional aura, instead of a Focused emotional aura.

Fixed an issue where staircases were not rendering properly while held by a mouse cursor.

Adjusted icons of Lunar New Year recipes to better display what food you’re looking at within an inventory.

The children’s Yin & Yang Necklace will no longer clip into their neck when wearing a shirt that’s tucked in.

The “CleanRoom” wall pattern, which was previously missing a name for its 5th color variant, has now had that specific color variant named “Like Sand”.

A new content alert icon has been added to individual careers within the Select a Career panel, to help players find new careers that have been added to their game.

“Shift clicking” with the controller (X and Circle (PlayStation 4) or A and B (Xbox One)) at the same time on the Age Up menu will no longer cause menus to overlap.

Note: If a save file created prior to this update contains a Sim that’s already in this bad state, simply traveling to another lot with that Sim will permanently fix this issue.

As far as I’m aware, this is the only instance in the game where a color variant has been given a unique name. Huh… neat!

Scientists will once again wear an appropriate outfit when going to work even if StrangerVille is not installed.

The “Chemical Analyzer” object can now be purchased from Build Mode without having to use a cheat.

Made updates to the list of valid objects that can be selected as the outcome of the SimRay’s “Transform Object” interaction.

Fixed an issue where objects from multiple festivals were appearing on top of each other in the neighborhood simultaneously.

Apartment landlords will now leave the apartment immediately after addressing a tenant’s complaint.

Added the ability for Sims with the Vegetarian trait to hire a Vegetarian Caterer by clicking on Stoves or Refrigerators.

Vegetarian Sims will no longer enjoy eating Mud Carp.

Fixed an issue where hungry pets would not eat from food bowls autonomously.

The pet toy box will no longer have its position rotated in a random direction when a Sim returns home from an active career.

Fixed an issue where the “Litter-Matic Scoop-Free” litterbox wasn’t looking clean after cat poop had been removed.

Fixed an issue with the Pet Adoption Agency, where they would occasionally show up at a Sim’s home without any pets to adopt, and would simply stand at the home’s front door and not do anything.

The Hide/Show filter now does as you’d expect while using the Simstagram pet interaction.

Fishing in Brindleton Bay shouldn’t have your Sim facing the wrong direction. No more fishing the land and wondering why the fish aren’t biting.

Updated the Gardening career so that Sims will earn more than 10 Simoleons per completed work shift.

Fixed an issue where on days where no holiday was set to occur, a Sim’s work schedule would update to falsely indicate that the day was a Holiday just prior to going to work, causing the Sim to stay home for the day.

Fixed an issue where NPC Sims were not autonomously using the skating rinks that appear in certain neighborhoods.

Toddlers will no longer attempt to queue up behavior to “Run Inside” during bad weather conditions if they’re already inside.

Fixed an issue where Sims voices could not be heard when Singing Together around a Holiday Tree if City Living was not installed.

You’ll now be able to cancel the Compel to Drink interaction after choosing to feed on a Scarecrow.

The Acting career task to “Get Into Hair and Makeup” can be successfully completed once again.

Fixed an issue where celebrity Sims who had been set to use their normal walkstyle were switching back to using the celebrity walkstyle after traveling to certain types of venues.

Three star celebrity Sims will no longer use the celebrity walkstyle.

Your Sims can now pester… er… visit, any campers of their choosing in Granite Falls.

Fixed an error where Sims would get stuck in the Forest Hideaway lot in Granite Falls.

Simmers who have City Living installed can now put the Siopao and Ensaymada dishes on their restaurant’s menu.

Bat!

Grand Master Vampires know all, or so they thought. Now they can continue to earn points. Does that make them a Grand Grand Master?

Vampire NPCs shouldn’t get appear at a venue and prevent you from saving.

Vampire NPCs shouldn’t have their Vampire Energy drained after a load which allows them to continue with their expected autonomous behavior.

Sim Form!

The following environment objects, which were created for StrangerVille, have been added to the Build Mode debug catalog to allow placement on lots. Players must enter the bb.showhiddenobjects cheat before they can be seen in the catalog.

Added proper images to the Officer and Covert Operator branches of the Military career.

Removed the “Question about Spores in Lab” interaction for Sims who have already acquired the Modified Hazmat Suit.

Removed the “Heart of the Pack” styled look from Create a Sim, as it was authored using clothing that’s only available to Sims that have joined the Military career.

Updated the pack information panel on the main menu to not display world objects under the Build Mode Items.

10 different cacti

3 different Joshua trees

3 different RVs

2 clusters of rocks

2 junked cars

A group of desert flowers

A military truck

A tire

A parking stop

Holiday Celebration Pack

The Crown Roast platter will now show a partially eaten state when half of its servings have been taken.

PlayStation 4

Some makes of keyboard are extremely fancy with lots of features, one of those features appears to have been the ability to prevent the mouse from being used. We’ve made improvements in this area.

As usual, we have new creations which were created and shared by members of the Sims Community. You can find them in My Library.

There we are, a lot of changes to take us further into 2019. Now I’m off to get my Sims some sun, sea and fun in The Sims 4 Island Living.

SimGuruLegacy

[imagineteamfreewill]

The Argument For Soulmates

Title: The Argument For Soulmates

Pairing: Reader x Sam

Word Count: 5,020

Warnings: Some general angst, light swearing, mentions of people being auctioned off

Square Filled: Soulmate AU

Summary: Sam, Dean, Cas, and the reader discover how Rowena infiltrated the bunker. Sam and the reader spend more time together.

A/N: This is part eleven of the The Switch series! It is also a submission for the 2019 SPN Fluff Bingo (@spnfluffbingo2019)! It starts out with a little bit of Dean’s perspective for those of you who have been waiting so patiently for more background information about the Switch itself. Things are starting to get better, I promise! Please leave feedback, and enjoy!

X

The Switch Series Masterlist

Your name: submit What is this?

_______________

If anyone had asked him, Dean would’ve said that Y/N was the best damn thing to happen to them since the Switch. Hell, she was the best thing to happen to Sam in his entire life. Nothing held a candle to the way that she made him smile and laugh, even though his little brother couldn’t see it for himself. Sam had been a mess after he’d kicked her out, but no amount of convincing on Dean’s part would get him to call her back. Not that they’d had her phone number, anyway. Cas hadn’t even told him and Sam that he’d given her a cell phone before she’d left.

After making sure that Sam was able to keep an eye on Y/N after the incident in the bathroom, Dean went to investigate the shower stalls. There were no hex bags and nothing out of the ordinary, which meant that either something had gotten past the warding or that Rowena had done something to Y/N without her noticing.

Either way, there wasn’t much he could do to protect Y/N if things could get past the warding, and the sinking feeling in his stomach told him that if something could get in to hurt her, they could get in to hurt Sam. Dean hated the helpless feeling that settled in his core when he thought about what could happen.

He slammed his hand against the wall, cursing and ignoring the pain that coursed up his arm and stung his palm. He had to protect Sam. He may not remember ever making that promise as a kid, but he knew that he had and he held onto that.

“Dean?” Cas was standing in the bathroom doorway, his forehead creased with concern.

“Yeah?” Dean asked. He cleared his throat and dropped his hand back to his side, straightening up and trying to get Cas onto a new topic before he could ask any questions. The last thing he wanted to talk about right now was his emotional state. “You find something?”

Cas shook his head, still eyeing his friend. “No. Are you okay?”

“No,” Dean sighed after a second. “But I’ll be okay after we figure out what the hell is going on with Y/N and Rowena. The sooner we can stop her the better.” He looked around the room and ran a hand through his hair. “I should check the warding on the bunker and see if anything’s been broken or changed.”

“I can do it, Dean. You’ve been up for two days now—you need to sleep.”

“I’m fine, Cas.”

“Dean.” Castiel’s voice was full of warning and after a long moment, Dean relented. He knew Cas was right and he had to admit, he was exhausted. He’d been growing tired more easily than normal lately.

“Wake me up if you find anything,” Dean ordered, and Cas quietly agreed as he stepped out of the doorway, allowing Dean into the hallway.

Dean felt Cas’ eyes on him as he walked down the hall, passing by his bedroom without a word. He knew Cas was aware that he hadn’t been sleeping well lately, and he wondered if the angel had been doing anything to help him sleep, or if he’d been at least trying. The nightmares hadn’t been as bad lately, but the good dreams had been few and far between as well.

Not that there’s much to dream about, Dean thought bitterly.

He tugged the door to the garage open and took the two steps up into the room. It was pitch black but Dean knew exactly where to walk to get to the Impala. He could get into the car in his sleep and, quite frankly, he was pretty sure he’d done just that a few days ago. After waking up from a deep sleep in the front seat of the car, Dean had been sleeping in the garage ever since. It had been the best sleep he’d had since the Switch, despite the fact that he’d been worried sick about Y/N.

“Alright, sweetheart,” he sighed as he crawled inside, closing the door behind himself and getting comfortable. The blanket he’d pulled up from the backseat was still on the floor where he’d left it two days ago and Dean shifted, reaching down with one hand to pull it up over himself. The balled-up jacket was still smashed against the passenger-side door, too. It wasn’t too hard to get it positioned the way it had been the other day and Dean quickly found himself relaxing against the familiar leather interior of the car.

The garage was silent as Dean stared up at the Impala’s ceiling, wracking his brain for memories like he always did. Sometimes he could catch a snippet of something, but it was always gone before he could grab ahold of it. Fuller memories were rare, and often he had a hard time determining if they were just the stories that Sam had told him about their childhood, something he’d read in one of Chuck’s books, or if he was really, truly remembering something.

“You remember everything for me, don’t you, sweetheart?” Dean murmured, the question going unanswered as his eyes roved over the Impala’s interior.

Shortly after the spell had finished and he and Sam had woken up, they’d gone out to the car to see the after effects of their work. It wasn’t until then Dean had realized what had happened. He’d slid into the car, put the key in the ignition and turned it, and then stopped short. He hadn’t remembered how to drive. Sure, he could picture himself driving and he knew that he could, but every single memory, every single filed-away driving lesson and experience in his head was wiped clean. Sam had had to drive, and Dean had hated every minute of it. He’d be lying if he said that he hadn’t cried a few angry tears later that night.

Sam had taken Dean out to the Impala a week later and explained the history of it to him. He’d shown him the green army man, the initials carved into the car, and let him hear the Legos rattling around inside. Sam had even patiently explained every single accident the car had been in, at least until he got to the ones that Dean remembered.  Just by using those memories alone, along with a few other mile-markers they threw back and forth, it didn’t take them long to figure out that it was only the twenty years of memories that had gone missing. Dean hadn’t been sure if “only twenty years” was a good thing or a bad thing, considering their line of work.

Closing his eyes, Dean crossed his arms over his chest and sighed. “We’ll get ‘em back somehow.”

Sleep came quickly, and Dean dreamed of nothing more than flashes of color and the sound of Sam’s voice complaining about how they’d be late for school if Dean didn’t get out of bed. The smell of mold in a stale room, the feeling of bitter winter cold seeping in through a door, the sound of a heater rattling late at night—Dean filtered through all of these, searching for something solid, something he could take with him to the waking world, but nothing stuck. Everything slipped through his fingers until finally, he woke with a start, eyes wide and heart racing in his chest.

“Dean?”

Dean blinked sleepily and lifted his head to stare at the angel through the car window. Yeah?” he grumbled, sitting up and letting one leg slide off the edge of the seat. “I’m awake. You find something?”

Cas nodded and Dean nodded back at him, rubbing at his face. He sat in the quiet of the Impala for a long moment, letting Cas head back into the bunker alone. The scraps of memories in his sleep were long gone and he sighed as he climbed out of the car. It was better to get up and move on than to dwell on something he’d probably never get back, no matter how much he hoped.

______________

“I friggin’ hate witches,” Dean grumbled an hour later. He’d only been sitting for a moment, but soon he was getting up from his seat and pacing along the length of the table again.

You watched him from your chair on the other side, a mug of tea nestled between your hands and one of Sam’s flannels draped over your shoulders. Dean looked exhausted and you wondered if he’d slept at all.

“At least we know what happened,” you offered, trying to sound optimistic though you really weren’t. “Now that we know what it is, we can fight back.”

Sam sighed and ran a hand through his hair before sitting down in the seat next to yours. He gave you a small, worn-down smile when you glanced over at him.

“Y/N’s right. Now that we know that Rowena’s somehow able to get past the warding and that’s she’s had witches keeping an eye on us ever since the start of all this, we’ve got a leg up. This is good, you guys,” Sam insisted. He rested his hands on the table and you reached over without much thought, wiggling your hand underneath his so that you could lace your fingers together. Surprised, he raised his eyebrows and gave you a quick double take. You only smiled in response and after a moment he relaxed into it, squeezing your hand.

Unbeknownst to you and Sam, his brother and Castiel exchanged a knowing look. The two of you had initially fought tooth and nail against the concept of being soulmates, yet now you were acting like any other couple.

“So what’s the plan?” you asked, and everyone in the room straightened up to try and focus once more on the problem at hand.

Without a word, Cas walked away from the table and you frowned at him, glancing over at Sam. He shook his head, just as confused as you.

“Cas?” Dean asked. “What are you doing?”

“I have an idea,” he replied. You, Sam, and Dean all looked at each other, but before any of you could question him any further, Cas continued, “Rowena’s been keeping tabs on all of us because she knows the location of the bunker, and because she’s already gotten through the warding once before, it will be easier for her to do it again. She already has all the information about the location and the warding, which simplifies the effort she has to put forth.”

Sam nodded. “Like a phone. It’s like she’s got our contact info already plugged in and now it’s less work get ahold of us.”

“Exactly,” Cas told him.

“So… new phone, who dis?” You grinned at your reference, but all their expressions became confused and you sighed, setting your mug down. “It’s a— Nevermind. Correct me if I’m wrong, but basically what you’re saying is that we need to change the wardings and find a way to change magically change location of the bunker?”

Cas’ face was solemn as he nodded in response and brought over a yellow-edged, aged book from one of the shelves. He set it on the table and shifted it so that the three of you could see the faded writing on the pages. After a moment you realized that it was a ledger filled with street addresses, coordinates, and brief descriptions of the places listed. Each one seemed to be some kind of safehouse, though you knew that if the rest of the Men of Letters’ hideouts were like the bunker, their safe houses were nothing like the ones you’d experienced in your time as a hunter.

“The Men of Letters had plenty of refuges all around the United States. If we can’t find a way to conceal ourselves here, we can move elsewhere,” Cas said.

“We’d have to leave the bunker for that,” Dean sighed, shaking his head. “I’m not risking that. This is home, Cas.”

“Maybe,” Sam interjected. He ran a hand through his hair and then gestured to the ledger on the table, letting go of your hand to pull it closer so that he could get a better look at the neat letters lining the page. “But if moving is what’s gonna keep us safe in the long run… Dean, I’d rather give up the bunker. It’s not like we have anywhere else to go. The Men of Letters were pretty prepared for this kind of thing.”

“On the other hand… Rowena wants Sam out of here.” You sat forward in your chair and Dean glanced over at you, worried. “She told me to get him outside before midnight in two days,” you explained.

“Or?”

You looked over at Sam, confused. “Or what?”

“You have to get me outside before midnight in two days or what? What’s she gonna do if I don’t leave the bunker?”

Not wanting to tell them what the real answer to Sam’s question was, you shrugged and looked over at Cas to buy yourself a second of time. He was peering at you with the same look he’d had in his eye when he’d confronted you about the spell you’d tried to do to resurrect him.

He knows I’m lying, you thought. He’s gonna tell them.

Keeping your expression neutral, you looked back at Sam. “I don’t know,” you lied. She didn’t say.”

Sam nodded once and turned his focus towards Dean. You glanced between them when neither one of them said anything, but you didn’t have the chance to ask what they were considering before Dean let out a resigned sigh.

“We check the warding before we do anything,” he told Sam, and he nodded in response.

“I can get on that,” you offered.

Dean firmly shook his head. “No. You should be resting. Didn’t you and Sam say that you were gonna watch a movie?”

Frowning, you glanced over at Sam before looking back at Dean. “Yeah, but—”

“No buts,” Dean said. “You two watch your movie while Cas and I work on the warding. If anything comes up we’ll let you know.” Sam opened his mouth to argue but Dean gave him a warning look, grabbing the old book away from him and closing it. “Come on, Cas. Let’s let these two kids spend some time together.”

You stared after them as they both left the library though the hallways that led off the war room, then turned to look at Sam. After a moment, he let out a nervous laugh and sat up in his seat.

“Well, they, uh…” He rubbed the back of his neck and gave you a sheepish look. “I didn’t tell them to do that,” he explained, letting out a nervous chuckle.

“I believe you,” you replied with a smile. “We don’t actually have to go watch the movie, if you don’t want. They won’t know any different as long as we look the plot up online.”

Sam’s smile fell. “Do you not want to watch it? I can find another one, if you want.”

Quickly, you shook your head and pulled your mug closer to you, ready to get up from the table. “No! I want to watch it with you, I just… didn’t know if you’d still want to, I guess.”

“I want to,” Sam answered, and you nodded in response, relieved.

This is good, you assured yourself as the two of you stood and started to make your way to Sam’s bedroom. His flannel was still wrapped around your shoulders and you ducked your head shyly, hiding your indulgent smile from Sam. You didn’t want to show just how smitten with him you were after such a short time back at the bunker. Any feelings you had for him before you’d left seemed to have been magnified tenfold ever since you’d returned, and you had a feeling that part of it was due to how open to being with you Sam was. Plus, the hand-holding and the intentional cuddling on his part had helped speed things along. He was one of the nicest, sweetest guys you’d ever met in your life, and the butterflies in your stomach agreed wholeheartedly.

“Is this one okay?” Sam asked as you settled on his bed, putting your mug on his nightstand. You glanced his way and nodded happily at the movie he’d chosen.

Sam made sure that it was working before climbing into the bed with you, and almost immediately you cuddled into his side. The flannel that had been wrapped around your shoulders was now strewn across the flattened pillows behind you, but Sam’s warmth more than made up for the loss.

“You comfortable?” he asked, looking down at you. You nodded, smiling a little as Sam wrapped his arm around you. “Good.”

“Is me sitting like this okay?”

“It’s more than okay,” Sam replied. “I know that this is all new for us, but I’ll tell you if I’m uncomfortable, Y/N. I mean, so far everything that the two of us have done has felt…” He fell quiet, searching for the word until you finished for him.

“Natural. It’s felt natural.”

Sam nodded. “Exactly.”

Turning your attention back to Sam’s TV, you leaned your head against him and focused your eyes on the screen. Sam didn’t say anything more as the two of you watched the movie, but deep down you wondered if he was thinking the same thing you were—that the attraction between you wasn’t just because you were soulmates, but because you’d had time to become friends before he’d learned that you were, in fact, meant-to-be.

Your brain had run out of excuses and arguments for yours and Sam’s relationships by the time the credits rolled, but one little thought was still nagging at you as you watched the names slowly scroll by.

“Hey Sam?” you quietly asked, tilting your head to the side so you could peek up at him.

Sam looked down at you expectantly. “Yeah?”

“I never asked you if you believed in soulmates. Like, if you believed in them before all this.”

He was quiet for a moment and you kept your eyes on him as he thought. Finally, he replied, “I’d like to think I did. I mean, I always hoped that something as idyllic as soulmates existed, but the hunter in me—the part of me that was cynical about people believing in things that they think will save them but that I know won’t—knew that even just the idea of it was too good to be true, you know?”

You nodded and shifted out from under Sam’s arm. Kneeling on the mattress, you faced him and asked, “And now?”

“Now?” Sam repeated, and you nodded in response. “Now… Now I think I could believe in it. I mean, logically there’s too much evidence for me to deny it.”

“You make it sound as if there’s an un-logical side to this.”

“There’s always an un-logical side to things, Y/N.”

“So what’s the un-logical side of the argument for soulmates?” you asked.

Sam smiled a little, his focus entirely on you. “You.”

Your cheeks grew warm at his response and you ducked your head, hiding the instinctive, shy smile. He’s very direct, you thought as Sam chuckled. Peeking up at him, you saw that he was grinning from ear to ear.

“Why are you so shy all of a sudden?” he laughed. “You’re one of the boldest, bravest people I know, Y/N. All it takes is a little compliment to make you shy?”

Stammering, you replied, “That’s not fair, Sam!” He laughed again and you covered your face in your hands, feeling your smile widen into one just shy of idiocy. “You’re— You’re used to getting compliments all the time, I bet!”

“From who? Dean? From Cas? They’re really the only ones around all the time, so…”

When you lifted your head from your hands you saw that Sam’s bright smile had dimmed ever so slightly. “I meant from before the Switch,” you said after a second, realizing your mistake. “I mean, I read in the books that you and Dean got hit on a lot and I—”

Sam shook his head, cutting you off as his smile faded away even more. “It’s okay, Y/N. It’s easy to forget that I don’t get out much.” He laughed weakly at the attempt at a joke and you nodded silently, looking down at your hands. Sam sighed. “I’m sorry. I ruined the mood, didn’t I?”

“No!” You looked up, hurriedly shaking your head to try and reassure him. “No, Sam, it’s my fault! I’m the one who made that bad joke about girls hitting on you.”

“Time to change the subject?” Sam asked, wincing slightly.

“Please,” you groaned, laughing in relief when he smiled again. “Wanna go see how Dean and Cas are doing?”

Nodding, Sam climbed out of bed and headed to the door. You followed behind him, more than happy to leave the bedroom in search of something else to do.

Not that I don’t enjoy Sam’s company, you said to yourself. Glancing down the hall in the opposite direction, you turned and followed him towards the sound of his brother’s voice. I just don’t know if I can bear another awkward conversation about Sam being stuck in the bunker for the rest of his life.

You were almost to the hallway where Dean and Cas were working on the warding when a sudden thought struck you.

“Sam, wait,” you said, reaching out to grab his hand to stop him. He did as you asked, your fingers brushing against his palm before he turned.

“What? Is everything okay?”

Nodding, you avoided meeting his eyes. “I have to tell you something. About what Rowena said,” you added.

Sam shifted his weight to one leg and watched you carefully. “Okay…”

“It’s about the “Or What”. I wasn’t gonna tell you, but I don’t want to hide anything from you anymore. I learned my lesson and I’m not about to mess that up again.”

He inhaled deeply and nodded, waiting until you glanced up at him to make sure he was still listening. “Go on…”

“She said…” You looked down at your hands, fidgeting nervously before dropping them to your side, then crossing your arms over your chest and unfolding them only a moment later. “She said that I’d die, Sam. And that my death would be permanent,” you added.

Sam stood in silence for a long moment, long enough for your stomach to tie itself in knots and your eyes to threaten with tears.

“It’s okay,” he finally replied, and you looked up at him in confusion. His eyes were soft and he gave you a tiny, reassuring smile. “We’ll figure it out, Y/N. We always do.”

You nodded. Your throat was tight as you fought off the tears and you felt the nervous smile you were giving him waver.

“C’mere,” Sam murmured, and then he was pulling you into a hug. You hugged him back tightly, closing your eyes as he held you. Your cheek was pressed against his shoulder and you exhaled heavily, nodding against him as he reassured you once more.

“Okay,” you sighed as you pulled away. Taking a deep breath, you fanned your eyes for a second to ward off anymore crying, then gave Sam a somewhat stronger smile. “I’m good. We’re gonna figure it out.”

“We’re gonna figure it out.”

“Okay. Alright. We’ve got this.”

“You good?”

You nodded and let Sam take your hand, leading you down the hallway towards his brother and your angel. Dean was just finishing up one of the spells when you got there. The warding sigil on the wall glowed golden for a long second before fading away, and he glanced over at you and Sam when it finally disappeared. His eyes flicked down to your hands and a wide smile grew on his face.

“Hey, lovebirds,” he teased.

Sam scowled. “Knock it off, Dean.”

“How’s the warding going?” you asked, wanting to pull your hand from Sam’s to save him from more teasing, but he was holding on tightly and you didn’t really want to let go if you didn’t have to. It was nice to hold his hand without it being weird.

“Good,” Cas replied. “We’re almost finished with the generic monster warding, and all we have after that is the demonic wards and the more advanced ones. Those will take some time and a few more ingredients that we need to go out and get.���

“Are you sure that’s safe?” Sam asked.

Cas glanced at Dean, who pointedly looked down at the book in his hands. “We’re not sure,” Cas finally answered. “Some of them are relatively rare… We’ll have to go to an auction to find them.”

You sucked in a breath and Sam gently squeezed your hand in response. The thought of the auctions made you sick to your stomach. You knew that there was never an auction without hunters or some kind of non-monster auctioned off. Sometimes they even marketed civilians as hunters and auctioned them off instead just so they could make a bigger profit than they would have gotten from having just the few hunters they’d managed to track down.

“No one’s gonna get hurt,” Dean reassured you, and you nodded tightly in response. “Cas’ll go and get ‘em. He’ll be back in no time, Y/N.”

“He can’t go in his own vessel,” Sam argued. “They’ll recognize him. We already know that they’ve got some kind network where they share information about non-human rebels and Cas has a pretty big presence as it is. We don’t need him going out and risking his life just to get a few spell ingredients.”

“We can’t redo the wardings without those ingredients, Sam.”

“I’m not saying we don’t go out and get them, I’m just…”

“You’re just what? What are you trying to suggest?”

“All I’m saying is that… He can use me as a vessel again.”

Rowena’s words popped into your head and you pulled your hand from Sam’s, forcing him to look at you, followed shortly by Dean and Cas. “No. Absolutely not. It’s too dangerous, Sam.”

“Y/N—”

You shook your head, stopping him. “No, Sam. Rowena wants you to leave the bunker, and I don’t think she’ll care if Cas is possessing you or not. If she’s got a way to get past wardings that not even archangels can get past, she can get at you even with him in there. There’s no way that we’re letting you do this.”

Dean watched you for a moment before glancing at his brother. “She’s got a point, Sam.”

The hallway fell silent as you and Sam stared at each other, neither one of you willing to give up or look away.

It was Cas who finally spoke up. “Ultimately, it’s Sam’s decision, Y/N. It’s his body and he gets to choose whether or not to let me possess him for the trip. He’s well aware of what could happen.”

You clenched your teeth together and crossed your arms in front of you, trying to hold yourself together. “You’d really consider this?”

Sam hesitated before nodding. “It’s the only way to get the ingredients.” You looked away, but Sam stepped forward before you could do anything else. “You’re really against me doing this?” he asked.

“I—” You glanced over at Dean and Cas, who immediately averted their eyes to give the two of you the slightest semblance of privacy. “I love you, Sam. I don’t want to lose you. We’ve lost so much already, and I don’t—”

“Then I won’t,” Sam said. You looked up at him, surprised that he’d changed his mind so quickly. His face was earnest as he took your hands in his, squeezing a little as he continued, “I don’t want to lose you either. If you think it’s a bad idea, I won’t do it. I love you, too.”

Relieved, you let yourself smile, feeling your chest tighten with excitement and nerves. “Really?”

Sam smiled. “Really.”

“Okay,” you sighed. “Okay.”

“You two good?” Dean asked. His eyebrows were raised as you looked over at him, feeling your cheeks grow warm when you glanced back at Sam, who was still smiling as well.

“We’re good, yeah,” you told him. Sam chuckled and pulled you into hug, your arms wrapped around his waist and your head turned so you could still look at his brother.

Dean nodded. “We should do all the warding we can for right now, then. I’ll see if we can get one of our contacts to get those spell ingredients for us, and in the meantime we can try and find something to hide the bunker from Rowena and her Stormtroopers.”

You wrinkled your nose. “Did you just make a Star Wars reference?”

Sam laughed and squeezed you a little, his arms still holding you tightly against him. “Sounds like your new best friend isn’t so much a fan, Dean.”

“You’ll become a fan if I have any say in it!” Dean cried, his face breaking into wide grin.

“We’ll see,” you replied. “I think it’s more fun to annoy you with it than it’ll be to actually watch the movies.” Sam laughed again. He kissed the top of your head and you couldn’t stop the little sigh that escaped your lips.

It’s so perfect, you thought as Dean and Cas gathered up their materials. Sam let go of you to help them and you watched in silence, leaning against the wall. I hope it stays like this forever.

“You coming?” Sam asked, starting to follow his brother back towards the library. You nodded and fell into step beside him. “You wanna make something to eat and then we’ll get started on that research?”

“Sure,” you answered. You smiled a little and linked your arm with his, smiling wider when he gave you a pleased look. “I’m down for anything, Sam, as long as I’m with you.”

_______________

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[goldstarnation]

OCTOBER 2019 GOLD STAR MEDIA SCHEDULES & REVIEW

Members may earn 3 points each (up to 6 points) for writing, by the end of November 7 KST:

A solo para of 400+ words based on their monthly schedule (does not count toward your monthly total).

A thread of six posts (three per participant, including the starter) based on their monthly schedule.

Threads do not have to take place directly during an important date listed on the schedule, but must be related to what the muse is mentioned to be doing in the paragraph explaining their schedule/the company’s schedule for the month and/or their thoughts on the mentioned activities or lack thereof.

These schedules may be updated throughout the month if new information needs to be added.

Reminder: September schedule posts are due by the end of October 7 KST.

Overall Company

Such quick growth in such a short time period appears to be catching up to Gold Star now. There’s been avoidable problems with management recently, most noticeable in their handling of Origin’s and Fuse’s next comebacks, and even the constant delay of a comeback for Gold Star Soloist 1. Gold Star may have an attractive reputation of caring more for their artists than Dimensions or BC, but their behind the scenes employees are clearly being overworked due to executives’ reluctance to expand teams as needed and incur costs that could lower their lead in industry profits. Messy management decisions haven’t affected everyone yet, but word is starting to get around within the company to watch out for delayed comebacks and poorly-handled scheduling.

Important dates:

N/A

Gold Star Soloist 1

Meetings with management, marketing, and A&R continue to be her primary schedule, but she’ll be called into one in particular early in the month after returning with representatives from all three departments to discuss her career direction and where she sees herself going musically as she enters her twelfth year. As such a big face of their company it’s important to them that she feel heard so that her eventual contract renewal is guaranteed. This month also marks the beginning of preparations for the fan meeting she’ll be holding in December to bring a close to the year.

Important dates:

October 18: Fan meeting stage outfit fittings.

Gold Star Soloist 2

Now that recording for her album is done, October brings a focus on preparing all of the remaining details for her comeback, including learning the choreography, shooting comeback teasers, and filming the music video. Later in the month, she holds a solo concert in Taiwan and performs at a festival in Busan. She won’t be performing any of her new music, but she’s allowed to hype fans up about it.

Important dates:

October 2: Comeback stage outfit fittings.

October 5: Performance at Sharing Festival at Olympic Park in Seoul, South Korea (also performing: Knight).

October 12: Performance at SBS Radio K-Pop Concert in Jeongeup, South Korea.

October 14: Comeback teaser photo shoot.

October 15: Behind the scenes choreography video filming.

October 17: Room Shaker MV filming day one.

October 18: Room Shaker MV filming day two.

October 20: Hello Taipei 2019 concert at Taipei International Convention Center in Taipei, Taiwan.

October 25: Performance at Busan One Asia Festival Family Park Concert at Hwamyung Park in Busan, South Korea (also performing: Aria).

Gold Star Soloist 3

The beginning of the month brings more European tour dates before he returns to Seoul. He’ll finish off his European tour dates next month, but, in the mean time, it’s fall festival season, and Gold Star has booked him for two different events, one that is likely to be a more idol fan-based audience, and the later of the two, which will draw in an audience more attuned to indie music, to capitalize on his cross-demographic appeal.

Important dates:

October 1 : Self-titled tour concert at Lido in Berlin, Germany.

October 3: Self-titled tour concert at Kantine in Cologne, Germany.

October 4: Self-titled tour concert at La Madeleine in Brussels, Belgium.

October 6: Self-titled tour concert at Trabendo in Paris, France.

October 12: Asia Song Festival 2019 at Ulsan Complex Stadium in Ulsan, South Korea (also performing: Dimensions Soloist 1, Dimensions Soloist 2, and Lucid). 

October 20: Performance at Grand Mint Festival at Olympic Park in Seoul, South Korea.

Silhouette

Leading up to their comeback at the end of the month, the members are going through the usual preparations of fittings, photo shoots, MV filming, and practice. The increase of expectations on this comeback grows increasingly more noticeable throughout the month and the decreasing success of their latest comebacks is no longer going ignored out of respect for their seniority in the company. Rumor is that if this comeback doesn’t do well, Gold Star may be making changes as they approach their ten year debut anniversary. What those changes might be is still entirely unclear. Before they come back in the final days of the month, the members are also saddled with another Mizuno fan sign and a filming for a Weekly Idol episode for their comeback.

Important dates:

October 4: Stage and MV outfit fittings.

October 10: Teaser photo and album jacket shoot.

October 13: “ME&YOU” MV filming.

October 27: Mizuno fan sign in Seoul.

October 29: Weekly Idol filming (to air November 6).

October 30: Release of “ME&YOU” & WE mini-album showcase, promotions continue until November 30. 

Aria

They hold their Seoul concerts the second weekend of the month (please see September’s schedule for solo/duo special stages) and have a few performances in the later half of the month. Amid concert rehearsals for their Seoul concerts and continued rehearsals for concerts in Japan month, the members will be in the studio to record their December comeback mini-album. It’s a return to original form after “I’m So Sick” earlier in the year, but they’ve been assured future comebacks with a different sound aren’t off the table once marketablity advantages between concepts and sounds have been adequately compared. The members will begin learning the title track choreography in addition to choreography for b-sides “Like U” and “Rewind” after their Seoul concerts are out of the way.

Important dates:

October 11: Pink Space concerts at SK Olympic Handball Gymnasium in Seoul, South Korea.

October 12: Pink Space concerts at SK Olympic Handball Gymnasium in Seoul, South Korea.

October 20: Performance at Follow Gyeonggi K-Culture Festa in Jakarta, Indonesia.

October 25: Performance at Busan One Asia Festival Family Park Concert (also performing: Gold Star Soloist 2).

Origin

Their comeback is still indefinitely delayed, meaning more unclear studio time, though Gold Star seems to want an early 2020 date and are certainly willing to move around their plans for other groups to accommodate the company’s money makers. Current priority has shifted to the release of Origin World next month, which Gold Star seems to be putting a lot of stock in bringing in enough money to make up for only one 2019 comeback. The members have group promotional photo shoots for that this month and will film “behind the scenes” interview videos, answering questions like which member’s route they would want to play in the game, why they’re excited for the release, and why fans should play the game. A MediHeal CF for a new brand deal and another concert stop on their tour round out the month.

Important dates:

October 5: Origin World promotional photo shoot.

October 8: Origin World behind the scenes filming (examples 1 & 2).

October 19: Mediheal CF (videos 1-7 in playlist) filming.

October 25: Speak Yourself Stadium Tour concert at King Fahd International Stadium in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia.

Impulse

The month begins by flying out to the States for their US tour. The day before their first stop and the day of, they’ll appear on the Today Show and Good Day New York, two American morning shows, respectively, to give interviews and perform the English version of their latest title track. Members who can speak English will of course take the lead during interviews, but management has told them that all members are expected to get in something to say, even if it’s something they must rehearse and set up beforehand. Similarly, they’ll be filming a lot of online promo while in America, including a friendship test, trying nine things they’ve never done before, a boy band lyric challenge, song association, and a "most likely to”. After returning to Seoul mid-month the members will begin learning the choreography for their Japanese comeback and will also film the music video.

Important dates:

October 2: Appearance on the Today Show in New York, NY, USA.

October 3: Appearance on Good Day New York in New York, NY, USA.

October 3: Keep Spinning 2019 World Tour concert at Prudential Center in Newark, NJ, USA.

October 6: Keep Spinning 2019 World Tour concert at Scotiabank Arena in Toronto, Canada.

October 9: Keep Spinning 2019 World Tour concert at American Airlines Center in Dallas, TX, USA. 

October 12: Keep Spinning 2019 World Tour concert at The Forum in Inglewood, CA, USA.

October 16: Keep Spinning 2019 World Tour concert at Oracle Arena in Oakland, CA, USA.

October 26: “Love Loop“ MV filming.

Fuse

By mid-month, the members are completely done recording for their new mini-album and have moved on to learning the “Umpah Umpah” choreography in order to be ready for their comeback next month. The concept of their comeback still seems questionable for late fall and the first fittings of the intended outfits for promotions present a mix of summery dresses and crop top styling for the music video as well as a selection of intended stage outfits that don’t seem to know whether they’re going for the summery feel of the music video outfits or something more appropriate for the fall season they’ll be promoting in. Overall, management feels messy this comeback, but that hasn’t stopped the company from letting the members know in their own way that now that they’ll no longer be competing with Origin during promotions as initially anticipated and Femme Fatale’s smash summer comeback has vacated the very top spots of the charts, they’re expected to make this comeback a hit for its more public friendly sound. Regardless of how messy management seems to be for them this time around, Gold Star has chosen to accept an offer for Fuse to serve as tourism ambassadors between Switzerland and South Korea. Their duties haven’t begun in earnest yet, but they will attend a formal ceremony to be appointed to the position, an event that’s more for mediaplay than out of true necessity.

Important dates:

October 5: Performance at Gwangyang K-Pop Super Concert at Gwangyang Public Stadium in Gwangyang, South Korea.

October 11: Performance at Changwon K-Pop World Festival in Changwon, South Korea (also performing: Alien).

October 24: Switzerland Tourism Ambassador Appointment Ceremony at Bukchon Hanok Village in Seoul, South Korea.

October 29: Comeback outfit fittings.

Element

No word on a comeback for Element yet, confirming they’ll only have one digital single to show for the year musically after “Bomb Bomb” failed to become their breakout hit. There’s no word on Gold Star contacting composers for new songs for them either, but when even management for Origin and Fuse has been messy lately, it’s only to be expected Element will suffer too. They’re scheduled to continue touring overseas in November and December, but this month, they don’t even have that to look forward to. Instead, their personal team is still brainstorming ways to expand their fandom and have decided to give them a test run of their own YouTube series on the company channel to “show their hidden charm points”. Before bringing managerial structure into it, they’ve tasked all of the members to shoot their own vlog in a category of their choice (e.g. mukbang, gaming, Q&A, challenge, daily vlog). They should film one by themselves and one with at least one other member. Ultimately, only the vlogs deemed interesting enough will be posted to test the waters of fan interest in more Youtube content in the form of a series. Outside of their own content creation, they’ve been booked on RUN.wav, where they’ll give a performance of “Bomb Bomb” and showcase covers of “24K Magic” and “Side to Side” they’ve previously performed on tour. During the interview portion, they’ll talk about how their predebut project prepared them for debut, the challenges of being a co-ed group personally and musically, and their touring experience.

Important dates:

October 11: Filming of RUN.wav (to be aired October 19).

Femme Fatale

Femme Fatale’s Japanese tour continues throughout the month with dates in Fukuoka and Chiba (please see August’s schedule for their assigned solo stages), leaving them only their first ever dome concert in December to finish their Japanese tour. While in Japan, they are scheduled to shoot a magazine photo shoot and film a CF, both aimed at the Japanese market. They have their first ever concerts in Seoul next month to begin their In Your Area World Tour, which will introduce some changes to members solo stages from what they’ve performed so far. Some stay the same or retain certain aspects while others change entirely. Again, the members are allowed input, but the stages are ultimately management’s decision. For the beginning of their world tour, the members also have fittings for new stage outfits.

Main rapper/lead vocal - Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You - (pt. 2) [No change from Japanese arena tour]

Main vocal/lead dancer - Let It Be / You & I / Only Look At Me [Completely changed from Japanese arena tour]

Maknae/main dancer/lead rapper - I Like It / Faded / Attention [Some changes from Japanese arena tour]

*special note*: She will also begin to practice Take Me / Swalla stage which will be her solo stage beginning at their Bangkok concerts onward in 2020.

Lead vocal - Clarity [Completely changed from Japanese arena tour]

Important dates:

October 9: Photo shoot for JJ Magazine Japan  November issue.

October 10: Femme Fatale Arena Tour at Kokusai Center in Fukuoka, Japan.

October 11: Femme Fatale Arena Tour at Kokusai Center in Fukuoka, Japan.

October 12: ABCMart CF filming.

October 15: World tour stage outfit fittings.

October 18: Femme Fatale Arena Tour at Makuhari Messe in Chiba, Japan.

October 19: Femme Fatale Arena Tour at Makuhari Messe in Chiba, Japan. 

October 20: Femme Fatale Arena Tour at Makuhari Messe in Chiba, Japan.

[monvoyagepathologique]

Et pluie quoi encore ?

Jeu. 31 Oct. 2019 : une journée à 13 000 pas

Éveil à 5:00 A.M., normal. J’en profite pour me tenir à jour sur les internets et me dis que ce serait une riche idée de marcher toute la journée pour découvrir la ville. 

Je marche donc, dans Kensington Market (un quartier, pas un marché, subtil), les couleurs automnales sont magnifiques. Les rues sont charmantes, les habitations aux styles variés aussi. C’est calme et ça sent l’herbe en combustion à chaque coin de rue. De fait, tout le quartier a l’air stone, à l’exception des écureuils qui me font regretter d’avoir laissé le 70-300mm dans la chambre.

Je croise quelques églises, traverse quelques parcs, et finis par tomber sur le Toronto Western Hospital. Je suis le premier surpris de voir que je ne résiste pas à l’envie d’y entrer. Je dois être en sevrage. C’est en tout cas superbe, de quoi créer des vocations d’architecte hospitalier. 

J’arrive dans la rue très cool de Queen Street West, c’est l’occasion de découvrir que ma carte de débit retire du cash à la banque mais ne fonctionne pas dans les commerces (pourtant activée...). C’est aussi l’occasion de se réfugier dans un Starbucks et de profiter du Wifi et de l’abri d’une pluie qui ne cessera pas avant... 21h00...!

Je retourne finalement braver la pluie, en quête d’un restaurant. Je fais l’erreur de m’éloigner de Queen Street West et me dirige vers la ville verticale (superbe, des perspectives aussi élégantes que vertigineuses, avec en plus les façades et le sol mouillés, ç’aurait été parfait si j’avais osé sortir mon reflex sous la pluie). 

Pas de restauration en vue... ...en surface. Trempé comme à la sortie d’une douche, je me réfugie dans ce que je pense être une banque, et là je découvre à l’étage inférieur toute une vie (ville) sous-terraine ! Des centaines de personnes mangent dans une espèce de réfectoire géant. 

Je m’y prends une pita et m’installe à manger, sécher, lire Le Portrait de Dorian Gray et écouter les conversations des canadiens des tables d’à côté. À ma gauche, deux amies racontent des ragots, des ragots et encore un peu de ragots. Elles sont remplacées par deux autres canadiennes installant leurs affaires et les laissant sans surveillance (dans un lieu public avec des centaines de passants) le temps d’aller se servir (un bon 10 minutes). On est bien au Canada. À ma droite, deux amis parlent du vin espagnol cheap qui se déguise en vin français pour gonfler les ventes. L’un d’eux est déguisé en gros métalleux et rit toutes les 30 secondes :)  

Je sèche, je marche tout ce que je peux dans la ville sous-terraine, je ressors et fonce vers la Union Station, d’où je prendrai le train pour Vancouver le 6 novembre, pour y prendre quelques renseignements. Je suis extrêmement bien accueilli, et ce partout où j’ai eu l’occasion d’aller ! On me dit qu’il y a une pâtisserie danoise en bas, j’y fonce et m’achète un Høj Snegl <3

Je fonce vers le St-Lawrence Market (trempé), un marché couvert charmant, dont une façade d’époque (fin XIXe début XXe) est sauvegardée. Je me fais la réflexion que je ne verrai de fait rien de bien plus vieux comme construction ici ! 

Le ciel est couvert, on ne voit même pas la CN Tower. Il pleut sans cesse. Je me trouve à côté d’un cinéma : J’y fonce et décide de revoir Once upon a time in Hollywood. 

La place coûte 12 dollars canadiens (8,50 Eur) et j’accède à une salle dont chacun des sièges est un petit paradis ! Larges, confortables, et réglables ! On peut se mettre en position allongée (à ceux qui me connaissent : non, je n’ai même pas dormi !). 

À la sortie, il pleut toujours, je suis épuisé, je décide d’aller manger dans le quartier où je vis. Je découvre les joies du tramway local. Je cherche un “Seven Lives” indiqué par PocketEarth près de chez moi, qui semble ne plus exister à cet endroit. 

Et là c’est fascinant : je suis près de mon Airbnb, dans chinatown donc, et je rôde dans une rue parallèle à l’axe principal, et je me retrouve dans une rue pleine de rastas, des haut-parleurs crachant du reggae sans même saturer (à 21h tout de même), des sirènes de police, bref : la vraie vie !

N’ayant pas trouvé le resto à Tacos qui m’avait été renseigné, je me rabats sur un Phò et une bière locale. 

Mes yeux tombent sur une famille asiatique, tous sur leur téléphone, notamment le fils de 10-12 ans qui porte un T-Shirt : “ANTISOCIAL SOCIAL CLUB”. 

Il est temps d’aller dormir... 

[stopplayshuffle]

MINI MANSIONS CONCERT: WHY CONFIDENCE MATTERS IN WHAT YOU LOVE

 On Monday, June 24th 2019, I attended a Mini Mansions concert at The Independent in SF CA. I’ve seen Mini Mansions perform live before when they opened for Arctic Monkeys at the Bill Graham Civic Center in SF on October 20th 2018. However, this is my first time seeing them at their own show for their own tour. That night was incredible, not just because of their performance, but because I got to actually meet two members from the band.

If you are not familiar with who Mini Mansions are, I’ll give a bit of background. Mini Mansions is a music trio made up of keyboardist/vocalist Tyler Parkford (touring keyboardist for Arctic Monkeys), bassist Zachary Dawes (the Last Shadow Puppets), and guitarist/vocalist/ (former drummer?) Michael Shuman (bassist for Queens of the Stone Age). Mini Mansions is a side project for the three members since, as you can see, each of them are involved in other projects.

I became familiar with them through Arctic Monkeys, since Alex Turner was featured in their 2015 album, The Great Pretenders (track 6: “Vertigo”, if anyone was interested in what song). Then I saw them perform live when they opened for Arctic Monkeys. This isn’t their first time opening for them either, since they opened for them before in their previous tour. Needless to say, they have a strong relationship with those Sheffield lads. While standing there and feeling curious to what their other music was like apart from “Vertigo”, I came to find that their setlist was pretty good. Their music is unique, which is too simple a word to describe the kind of music they make. It’s like vintage ‘60’s rock n’ roll distorted with psychedelic elements, accompanied with groovy bass lines (compliments of Zach Dawes), poppy piano hits (thanks to Tyler Parkford), and bluesy guitar riffs (from multi-instrumentalist Michael Shuman). I am a huge fan of vintage rock/pop, like the Beatles, Beach Boys, you get the picture. So hearing something that is similar to that kind of music will most likely capture my interest. And I was definitely interested in Mini Mansions.

The concert itself was pretty cheap, about $15 a ticket. After spending about $105 for Muse, $120 for Mike Shinoda, and about $70 for Arctic Monkeys, I was pretty stoked how affordable this show was. I didn’t want to stress myself out by trying to arrive 4 hours early to get a decent spot. My mentality was, whatever spot I get is what I get. My sister, Jenni, and I arrived at the venue about 45 minutes before they opened the doors, and to my surprise, there wasn’t a lot of people waiting in line. There were maybe about 6 or 7 people waiting before us. I’m guessing everyone else had the same mentality as I did going into this concert. I was relieved that my feet wouldn’t be worn out from waiting so long, and I now had the energy to withstand the entire show. When we were finally let into the venue, I walked straight to the front of the stage, not using my peripheral vision to catch anything weird or exciting. While standing in front of the carpeted stage with a tape that ran across the edge reading “NO DRINKS” my sister tapped me on my shoulder and asked, “isn’t that Mikey working the merch booth”? as she pointed towards the corner that was diagonally across from where we were. I was like, “No, I don’t think so”, because why would a band member work their own merch booth, right? At least that’s what my dumbass thought. But then I squinted my eyes towards the direction she was pointing at, and as my eyes were adjusting in that dark room, with only a dim light hovering around the merch booth, I could tell from the gelled back hair that it was indeed Michael Shuman. He was wearing an all-black outfit: black moto jacket, black t-shirt, black skinny jeans, and black shoes. Pretty casual. This is the exact opposite to the outfit he will later change into when he will perform, which was a white satin suit with some watercolor accents on it.

It was like having two personas, one being the regular guy selling band stuff and the other is the performer. I thought it was cool that he was working the merch booth because he wasn’t acting like he was too good to sell his stuff.

Jen asked me if I wanted to buy something, and despite the fact that I needed to save as much money as possible to have enough for my rent and other bills for the summer before school starts I said, “Hell yeah I wanna buy something!” But at the same time, I kept staring at the front of the stage, and I was apprehensive because I got a decent spot for the concert. The woman next to me told me, “You totally should, they’re really nice, I mean I’ll try to extend my arm out as much as possible to save your spot”. God, what a nice woman. I thanked my fellow concert friend and walked up to the line. There was only two people in front of me and they seemed to be a couple waiting next to each other, so I wouldn’t have to wait too long. But the girl took a while figuring out if she wanted a black Mini Mansions shirt or a white one. At this point, Zach Dawes was also at the booth helping his buddy, Mikey, out with making sure he had enough merchandise at the table. She asked Zach for his opinion, “which color do you like best?” And Zach, with his calm voice says, he liked both of them. I don’t even remember which color this chick went with, but they finally left the line, and I was finally next. I was standing face to face with Mikey Shuman, with only a plastic banquet table in between us. My eyes kept darting from his face to the posters to the left of him.

He actually spoke first and said, “Hi. How are you?”

And like a square I responded with, “I’m good, how are you?

“I’m good!” He said back, “What can I get you?”

“Uhh, may I have that poster please?” I pointed to the poster, which was signed by all 3 members.

“You may” with a dip at the end of “may” (what a polite gentleman).

(I put the poster on the stage so I can take a picture of it. No one was playing yet, btw. But that’s how close I was to the stage).

I didn’t want just a poster, (which I didn’t plan on where I was putting while watching the concert) I wanted something with it, so I asked Mikey if I could buy the CD that had Mini Mansions written in yellow on the top left corner, with a stuffed toy bunny on an illuminated plate. It was their first full length album they ever released, and I didn’t have that album yet. Which by the way, is hard to come by. It was sold out on Amazon for a while, and sold-out on their website too. I tried going to Rasputin Music a few months ago at the mall where I live to see if they had it. The cashier said there was something by Mini Mansions there, but I couldn’t find anything. I tried looking at a record shop in Santa Cruz, but no Mini Mansions CDs there either. I think it may have been available again on their website, but I waited on buying it, but I don’t remember exactly why. I think I wanted to avoid shipping fees and wait for it to be prime available on Amazon. Or maybe I was hoping I will find it in a record shop around where I live.

Anyway, I asked Mikey for the CD and he asked, “This CD right here?” He pointed to the CD.

“Yeah”

He then looked in another box, and when he put the box down empty handed he said, “Wow that was the last one”.

“Cool!” I responded with, like the fucking shy idiot I am.

It took me a while to get this album, I’m glad I waited so I can actually buy the album from the band themselves, but I wish I could’ve responded better.

(Photo of CD taken after the concert on my desk)

What happens next is so surreal that it took me a couple of days to comprehend that it happened. It’s nothing even that spectacular it’s just something that had never happened to me before. He tapped on the tablet the items I was purchasing and told me my stuff was going to be 35 bucks. I handed him my card and he actually swiped my card into the card reader sticking out from the tablet and asked, “Can you sign right here, please?”

This was mind-blowing to me, because I’m thinking shouldn’t it be the other way around? Shouldn’t I be the one asking you to sign me stuff. But I signed the tablet, in a way like I’ve never been excited to sign my name to a purchase before. I couldn’t believe I was buying band merch from the actual band member himself, it was awesome. After he gave me my stuff, I handed them to my sister and asked him if I could shake his hand. The guy puts the tablet down and sticks out his hand and I’m fucking touching Mikey Shuman’s hand. I thanked him, and if I wasn’t enough of a square, my sister noticed an awkward silence and finally said, “I think you guys are great and I’m really excited for the show!” Both Zach and Mikey said thank you and both shook Jen’s hand. I thanked Mikey again and leaned over to shake Zach’s hand and went back to the front of the stage.

Obviously, I was excited that I met two of the members from the band. I couldn’t believe I actually talked to them. But I still felt unsatisfied, not with them of course, but with myself. I want to be a music journalist and interview bands and study music as a career. Because I have anxiety issues, including a bit of social anxiety, I am always awkward and shy when I meet people, which does not help me in the long run at all. There were so many things I could’ve asked Mikey: What do you like to play more, bass, drums, or guitar? I love how bluesy you get in The Great Pretenders, what was the inspiration for that?  I couldn’t even ask him something as basic as, hey how are you liking SF this time around? Anything weird happen to you yet? Ever been to Oakland? My God I suck. I could’ve even said, Wow, this is the last CD? No way? How lucky am I? Such a missed opportunity to connect with the band, and actually work on my people skills when I meet musicians for the job I want. Despite the fact that I wish I could go back in time to alter how I met Mikey and Zach, I was still grateful for the encounter I had. It’s not a common thing for me to meet the people who make the music I like.

Their performance was also great. After watching two openers, Tyler Parkford finally came out, but to set up his keyboard directly above me. He bent down and plugged some wires in. I’m sure it’s creepy having people stare at you while you’re doing something, so I looked away so he can do his job. But at one point I looked back up at his direction and while he was standing behind his keyboard, he looked at me and I smiled at him. I was happy that he smiled back. Unfortunately I never got to talk to Tyler that night, but I’m hoping I will in the future.

After Mikey sound checked all of the equipment, they began to play. They started off with “Freakout!” which is what they started with when they opened for Arctic Monkeys. The song isn’t super intense but has an upbeat tempo that is perfect for getting the crowd going. They mostly played songs from The Great Pretenders, but incorporated a few from their upcoming album, Guy Walks into a Bar… So we were getting that mix of relaxed familiarity from being able to sing along with the songs we already knew, and the excitement from the new songs from the album that has yet to come. A variety of uplifting emotions that was getting the crowd pumped. The song I connected to live the most was “Works Every Time”. “Works Every Time” is from their upcoming album, but they released it on their EP with the same title first. Since the song had been out for some time now, I was already familiar with it, and enjoyed the calm soulful singing of Parkford and swaggering bass lines of Dawes. The kind of sound that someone can listen to while driving late at night. But hearing it live was a different experience for me. The dreamy tone from the piano was more upfront, maybe because I noticed it more? I don’t know, but it was lovely.

Zach was a little shy when I met him, since he didn’t really say much; however, on stage he wasn’t shy rocking out those bass lines with his buddies. The guy has mad rhythm with his bass, and he didn’t look nervous on stage. If he was nervous, then I couldn’t tell because he played each song so naturally. I know if that was me up there, I’d probably mess up a lot from nerves, since I can barely sing right while singing karaoke with two friends.

When it came to the more fast tempo songs, especially “Mirror Mountain” all the guys got really into it, but Mikey was not shy of wailing around and screaming loud into the mic. I enjoy watching him get this intense honestly, [even though a couple of the audience members who I talked to at the Bart station after the show told me, at another Mini Mansions concert they went to in Sacramento, were afraid of Mikey potentially kicking them sometimes while he was rocking out, but luckily he didn’t]. His punk rock energy bounced across the entire stage, and as a direct result I got pumped watching him go. There was a point during “Mirror Mountain” when he bent down real close to the edge of the stage. He puts the mic close to his lips, and his palm held the back of an audience member’s nape. He sang close to this young man’s ear, and the young man smiled, probably from the attention he was receiving from Mikey, but he was also leaning back, possibly because he was trying not to get too close to him. Looking back at it now, I didn’t know what was going through that kid’s head, but he seemed unsure of how to react when the singer/guitarist for Mini Mansions was singing physically close to his face. I wouldn’t know either, to be honest, if that was me.

Needless to say, there’s a level of boldness that is needed to get that close to someone, without having that internal conversation wondering if you’re doing too much or just enough. He just did it.  While performing, he used his entire body (from his voice to his legs) to express himself, and while some people would think that’s too much or bold, either way, people are looking.

But that’s the thing when you express yourself in something you care about, may that be writing, food, books, or music, it will show. With Mikey, Zach, and Tyler they used their talents to create this interesting concoction of vintage inspired contemporary indie rock. They went with what they had, released it, and was able to perform it in about every part of the world.

In the end, they are going places with it, this thing that they love, or at least what it seems to me they love. In other words, they just went for it. I wish I could possess at least half the confidence of what they have. Maybe if I did, I would’ve been less awkward when I met Mikey and Zach.  Now, I’m not saying confidence is the only thing a person needs to pursue what they want, but confidence helps push someone toward what they want. With confidence, you can stand on a stage and exercise your skills in front of people, you can be yourself without the fear of judgement, you can talk to someone you’ve never met before and have a great conversation. With confidence, you just go for it.

[spideyy-girl]

Let Me In ~ Winter Soldier!Bucky Barnes

Request: Hi!!! I was wondering if I could request a song fic with wintersoldier! bucky x reader? The song is called Lily by Alan Walker, K-391, & Emelie Hollow. I’ve been listening to it nonstop lately. Thank you!!

Song: Lily - Alan Walker, K-391, Emelie Hollow

Summary: Bucky feels stuck with hydra always controlling him, and he can’t quite get a grip of himself. One day he escapes and finds someone that could change his life.

Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe

Warnings: Sad Bucky, HYDRA being a bitch (as per usual), sorta sad but fluffy-ish ending

Word Count: 4526 (12.6 pages) long af

Date: March 31, 2019

A/N: thanks anon now I’m obsessed with this song too lol. Also, I didn’t know which character you wanted to be “Lily”, but I feel like it suited Bucky better with the whole locked in his super soldier mindset thingy. Hope it makes sense? Hopefully this is what you wanted, and if it isn’t, I’d be more than happy to rewrite it to better suit you! Also sorry if it sorta sucks I was running out of ideas :/

This takes place a few months after CA: Civil War, with a little bit of Infinity War reference at the end.

Lily was a little girl Afraid of the big wide world She grew up within her castle walls

Bucky laid in his board stiff bed, eyes baring straight up into the ceiling above him, a dull beige colour with pipes running along it. He raked his mind, over and over again, trying to remember anything he could. Hydra was starting to get in his head, and he had started to think of what had happened before hydra made him who he is today.

A monster, a murderer. A soldier.

Now and then she tried to run And then on the night with the setting sun She went in the woods away All afraid, all alone

He always thought the word was quite a stretch, aren’t soldiers supposed to help people? He asked in his head. Although his commander says that what they do is to help others, he didn’t feel like that was truly the case. But he didn’t dare say that, not unless if he wanted to be strapped down in that room again, tortured until his mind was a blank slate with nothing but kill.

He hated it. He couldn’t take it anymore. He wanted out.

From the little things he could remember of his past life, he feels happiness, laughter rings in his ears. There’s one little blonde guy that seems to appear a few times as well. But those are just flashes. He needed answers. And he needed them now.

He sat up from his position on his bed and looked out the window, watching the sun turning from light blue to pastel pinks and oranges. He looked the opposite way, out the open door and into the empty cold hallway. He saw this as his chance. He stood up with haste, grabbing his gun from its place under his bed and shooting the window. As he was climbing out, he heard security screaming the only name he knew.

“Soldier! Get your ass back in here!” He heard his commander yell at him, before hearing the familiar sound of the loading gun. As if second nature, Bucky lifted up his own gun and shot out 3 bullets, hitting his targets with practised perfection, before slipping out and running into the abandoned woods outside of the compound. He was free. Finally free.

They warned her, don’t go there There’s creatures who are hiding in the dark Then something came creeping It told her, don’t you worry

Bucky walked for what felt like days, looking for anything, anyone. Maybe even someone that might help him rediscover his past. The blonde boy from his leftover memories kept flashing through his head. He must know something. So that was Bucky’s new target.

He continued to wander, thoughts running through his head, crowding his brain so much he couldn’t think straight. He couldn’t hear the sound of quickly paced footsteps, he couldn’t see the shining brightness of the nearing lantern.

“Hello?” the girl questioned again, putting the lantern up as she continued to walk closer. “Sir? Are you ok?”

The soft sound of her worrying voice triggered him, taking him out of the depths of his mind and causing him to raise his gun, merely missing the woman and hitting the light beside her, causing it to go out. “Holy shit!” she screamed, dropping the shattered object to the murky woodland ground. The feminine voice startled the man as well, and he quickly lowered his weapon. She looked from the shattered glass on the woodsy floor up to the soldier's weary eyes, seeing many things in only a matter of seconds. 

"Hey, I'm sorry if I scared you," she whispered, trying to get closer to him, trying to help. He looked like he could use some. "I know you must be concerned, lost maybe. I just wanted to help you." Her words were gentle and held an unfamiliar comfort in them, making him let down his guard completely for just a few moments. He nodded, not knowing why, but not questioning his actions either.

"I'm sorry-"

"There's no need for that," she quickly reassured, cutting off his unnecessary apology. She reached out her hand towards him, in a welcoming matter instead of the usual threatening one he received. "Now, I have a little cottage just a bit down. I don't mean to sound... weird or anything, but you're more than welcome to stay the night and I'll get you some food before you continue on whatever journey you're going through at the moment." She said with kindness, a matching smile adorned her beautiful face. He couldn't refuse, so, of course, he didn't.

Follow everywhere I go Top over the mountains or valley low Give you everything you’ve been dreaming of Just let me in, ooh Everything you wantin' gonna be the magic story you've been told And you’ll be safe under my control Just let me in, ooh Just let me in, ooh

Bucky stayed with the girl he met in the woods, whose name he learned was Y/N. She told Bucky that she lived in New York and that she was going back next weekend, and offered for him to stay with her until then. Bucky told her about his blonde friend, and how he was trying to find him. Of course, he refused to tell her about his super soldier past. Bucky felt an odd sense of protection around her. He felt as if he could trust her, like he already knew her for many years.

Bucky sat at the round wooden table, the room was dimly lit by a weak ceiling fan, the only sound coming from the scraping of the metal spoon against the bowl filled with warm soup in front of him. The annoying sound was almost white noise to him as he stared at the girl visible from the other room, presumably the kitchen, preparing for food for him. The girl felt eyes boring into the back of her head, and she smiled and poured out her own cup of soup and took a sit with him. They sat in silence for a while, both enjoying their meals, before the silence was broken by the super soldier.

"It's good," he said, his voice quieter than what he remembered. The girl looked up, a slight hue of red across her cheeks as a smile spread against her innocent looking face. 

"So he speaks," she teased, her bowl completely forgotten about at this point. She put her elbows on the table, resting her chin on her hands as she observed him in the (not so) better light. "So, you want to talk about what was happening out there? I thought you had to be on something but.. it doesn't look like it." She told him, observing his mannerism or any other signs that might help her find out what a handsome man was doing somewhere like here. Bucky gave her a quick skeptical look but proceeded with explaining the odd circumstances in which they met.

"I'm... I'm looking for a friend," he said in a small voice, avoiding eye contact. "I'm not sure where I am." She sighed, reaching out to grab his hand, trying to comfort him. He flinched back from her touch but let her take his rough palm in her soft, rather small one. 

"Ok, listen," she said, squeezing his hand and rubbing her thumb against the "I can't guarantee that your friend will be in New York, but I may have some friends who can help. I just want to let you know, I'm not trying to hurt you Bucky." She said with a smile. Bucky frowned and took his hand out of her grip.

"How did you know my name?" he said, his free hand gliding down to the hidden knife on his thigh. Y/N giggled, but her eyebrows furrowed.

"You told me, don't you remember?" She said, looking concerned for him. Bucky stopped his movements, shaking his head and offering her an apologetic smile and nodded, looking at the floor. "It's ok, there's probably a lot going on in there. C'mon, I'll show you the spare room, leave you to get comfy. You look like you could use some rest." She got up, the old wooden chairs scratching against the laminate floor, Bucky following in suit going down the hallway and examining his new victorian looking room. He smiled and gave a quick thanks to the girl before closing the door, going to sit on the double bed.

On the other side on the bedroom door and down the narrow hallway, Y/N sat in the small living room, picking up the telephone and dialling a well-remembered number. The familiar deep scruff voice picked up the phone with a 'hello?'. "Steve? I think we found our guy." She stated in a soft voice, so the man she met that day wouldn't hear. "And I think he remembers us."

She knew she was hypnotized And walking on cold thin ice Then it broke, and she awoke again

Bucky woke up to the bright sunlight shining through his window the next morning. He rolled off the bed, his instincts telling him to grab for his gun and get suited up for today's mission, that is until he bumped into the tall dresser, which came tumbling down towards him. Luckily, he caught it, but the insides fell out, creating a large crashing sound. Bucky cringed, before pushing the cabinet back up against the wall and trying to stuff the contents back into it. Suddenly the door opened with Y/N showing on the other side, her hair in a messy bun and an apron wrapped around her waist. She saw the current situation and gave out a small chuckle.

"I make you food and give you a bed to sleep in, and in return you decide to trash my house," Y/N jokes with him, rushing over and helping him clean up. Bucky looked at her with a guilty smile, and she rolled her eyes, her grin only getting wider. "Come on, I made you some breakfast before we head out. I hope you like pancakes?" A confused look came on his face as he put the last of the things away before following the girl outside the room.

"Never had them," he said. As he walked into the dining room he was greeted with the best smell in his life, his stack of pancakes placed neatly on the dining room table. She gasped, before pushing him towards the table and seating him on the chair, placing a fork and knife in front of him. 

"I like to think mine are pretty great," she said excitedly, placing a hand on his shoulder, and he looked up to see the girl beaming back at them, before nodding to the breakfast food. "They're my favourite. Go on, eat up!" She smiled before patting his shoulder and going back to finish packing her suitcase. Bucky ate as if hasn't in months, more than satisfied with the sweet treat. Y/N giggled as she saw him scarf down the pancakes, grabbing a plate of her own and going to sit beside him, starting on her own.

"So, tell me more about your friend," Y/N said as she set her fork down after finishing her pancake. Bucky looked up at her, before swallowing what pancake he had left in his mouth and beginning to talk. A good sign.

"He's small, blonde, umm..." Bucky started, trying to kick start his memory, anything else he knew. He saw Y/N across the table tilt her head, slightly resembling a lost puppy, he couldn't help but think. "Truth is, I don't know much about him. But I remember him, from my past." Bucky tried to explain.

"Your past?" Y/N questioned further, trying not to sound suspicious. Bucky looks down and nods. "Did something... happen in between?" Bucky looked up at her, being cautious of what his next words would be. He didn't want to scare her off.

"You can call it that," he said in a whisper. "I can't remember much of my last few years." He tried to explain, Y/N nodded in understanding.

"Like long term memory loss?" She kept questioning. He nodded his head, his long hair falling in front of his face. Y/N's face changed, her eyes going soft as she reached over and pushed his hair out of the way, startling the boy. He's never been shown this type of affection. She blushed and took her hand away, mumbling a sorry. The room stayed in silence for another few minutes, before broken by Y/N.

"I'm sure you'll find him, Bucky," she said, offering a hopeful smile towards him. He looked up and gave her a small smile back. Y/N stood up and took their plates and cleaned up a bit as Bucky took the extra time to freshen up a bit, before trying to get some research done on what might've happened to him before. Maybe it will give him a hint as of where to go.

The week went by relatively fast, and Y/N did everything she could to help Bucky find what could've happened to him and his friend before HYDRA took him back and brainwashed him once again. Of course, Bucky didn't reveal that certain detail to Y/N. Soon enough, Friday afternoon had reached and Y/N was packing her small buggy car and the two now closely bonded pair went on their way home. Well, Y/N's home at least, or what he was told was her home.

Then she ran faster than Start screaming, is there someone out there? Please help me Come get me Behind her, she can hear it say

The week went by relatively fast, and Y/N did everything she could to help Bucky find what could've happened to him and his friend before HYDRA took him back and brainwashed him once again. Of course, Bucky didn't reveal that certain detail to Y/N. Soon enough, Friday afternoon had reached and Y/N was packing her small buggy car and the two now closely bonded pair went on their way home. Well, Y/N's home at least, or what he was told was her home.

Y/N was oddly silent throughout the ride. Music played in the background as Bucky kept stealing glances at the girl beside him, she seemed almost nervous. He pushed it off as normal, thinking that he would probably be nervous taking someone he only met a few days prior to his house. But that's wasn't what was running through the Y/H/C's head.

Y/N was starting to wonder if she should maybe turn back, feeling as if she was selling the man off. Of course, she knew what she was doing was for his own good, which is the only reason why she kept on the crowded highway. But she had made a bond with Bucky, and she was hoping this wouldn't ruin anything that's been growing between them. Especially if the said bond would eventually grow into a more than friendship thing. Hopefully, her colleagues would be ok with it.

"You alright?" he asked, looking at the girl in concern. Y/N shook her head, trying to shake her thoughts out of her brain. She put on a smile and gave him a quick nod.

"Yeah, I'm fine. A little bit nervous." She laughed, though it sounded uneasy. The music seemed to get louder in the sudden silence as Bucky slowly put his hand on her leg, not in a very implying way, just as a sign of comfort. He felt her relax under his touch and she turned her head to give him a smile. Within another few minutes she pulled into an underground garage park of a tall glass building, with a bit of a weird structural design, Bucky thought to himself. Y/N took her suitcases out of her trunk, which Bucky quickly took out of her hands, claiming: "a pretty girl doesn't have to carry her own bags. Just let me be a gentleman."

They got into the nice elevator, which had plenty of levels. Y/N pressed a button closer to the top, and the sliding doors closed and it jolted before smoothly going up. AC/DC came through the speakers, of course, considering the building they were in. After a minute or two, the metal box stopped and the doors slid open again. The first thing Bucky realized when he walked out with Y/N, was that they were not alone, and he realized this probably isn't her real apartment.

At the sound of the elevator dinging across the room, Steve Rogers halted his talking with Sam, Wanda, Natasha, and Clint. Everyone's eyes darted towards the two new people who entered the room. Bucky's eyes widened as he saw the one and only Captain America. He looked between him and Y/N, who was walking over to hug Wanda, a close friend of hers.

"Y/N, what the hell is going on," Bucky asked once Y/N broke apart from the Scarlet Witch, grabbing her shoulder and turning her towards him, but not too harshly. Y/N diverted her gaze and sighed, looking down before meeting his gaze. HEr eyes looked like they were starting to water.

"I'm just trying to help, Buck," she said, reaching for his hand. He pulled it away from her, taking a step back. He looked up at Steve, he knew it was his blonde friend from his almost ancient memories, even though he looked extremely different, he could tell. Actually, he recognized everyone in the room. He doesn't know from where, but he can't deny it. He scanned the room again before turning back at Y/N.

"So you did already know my name that night, didn't you?" Bucky jokes to try and ease the tension. Y/N let out a laugh, sounding relieved, before nodding. A small tear ran down her cheek.

"Yeah, you have no idea how scary that was," she smiled, and he gave her one back. He wasn't mad that she had brought him here like she originally thought. If anything he was extremely thankful. For the first time in his life, he felt safe. Y/N spoke again, raising her hand as if to present the other people in the room. "Well, Bucky, meet the Avengers. Or a part of them at least.

Follow everywhere I go Top over the mountains or valley low Give you everything you’ve been dreaming of Just let me in, ooh Everything you wantin' gonna be the magic story you've been told And you’ll be safe under my control Just let me in, ooh Just let me in, ooh

The team went back the large glass table in the back of the room with Y/N and Bucky, to discuss the plan to send Bucky to Wakanda. Steve explained that Y/N would accompany him there, to make sure he stays safe and doesn't go back into Winter Soldier mode again. Bucky was a bit reluctant at first, but with a little bit of convincing from Y/N, he agreed to the plan. The two went to Y/N's room, where she would pack the remaining of her stuff for the trip, and Bucky would pack his new clothes and leftover personal belongings he left there.

"So, you're an Avenger too?" He asked as he neatly folded a t-shirt before placing it in his suitcase. "Got a special power or anything?" Y/N giggled, a sound Bucky had grown accustomed to already.

"Yes I am an avenger," Y/N said, feeling proud. "I can jump through and manipulate space." Bucky looked back at the girl, obviously confused with what she said. She rolled her eyes, a goofy smile coming on her lips. "Basically I can teleport and move objects," she dumbed it down for the 100-year-old man, to which he nodded, an 'ah' coming from his mouth, before looking at her and giving her a smile.

"Sounds pretty badass," he commented, a smirk on his lips as he left his packing for a second to go walk towards her. Y/N laughed at the comment, dropping the jeans she was folding and turning to the taller man as well. She gave a nonchalant shrug.

"I guess so," she said. He smiled down at her, thinking of how cute she was. His hand reached out and grabbed her own, which she gladly accepted with a small squeeze. She glanced at their interlocked hands before looking back up into his brown eyes again, which seemed closer to her than they were a second ago. "I hope you don't mind me going with you to Wakanda. I'm sure you'd rather it be Steve but I'll try and be just as good of a company as he is. I've always wanted to go to Wakanda too, I've heard it's stunning and they've got really amazing technology. I'm sure you'll find it interesting as well. Maybe that might not make up for Steve but-"

Y/N's excessive nervous ramblings were cut off by Bucky, or his mouth did. Bucky's kiss was soft, his hand still caressing the back of her hand as the other one reached up to her jaw. Y/N's hands reached up to his long hair, running her fingers through the surprisingly soft locks. The pulled apart after a few second, foreheads leaning against each other. Y/N kept her eyes closed, but her smile grew slowly more evident on her face. Bucky couldn't help his own grin when he saw this. 

"Trust me, I'm more than happy that I'm going with you," he said in a whisper, but just loud enough for the girl to hear. This only increased the growing smile on her face, so much that her cheeks were starting to hurt. But she didn't mind. "I wouldn't want anyone else."

Everything you wantin' gonna be the magic story you’ve been told (Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh) And you’ll be safe under my control Just let me in, ooh

*A FEW YEARS LATER*

Bucky awoke from the bright Wakandian sun shining through the large window. He couldn't complain about his new life, as if he never escaped HYDRA he'd be waking up to the same annoying alarms and slaps on the back by upper officers. Bucky stretched his arms over his head, a soft groan passing his lips.

"Good morning sleeping beauty," he heard a raspy voice coo from his chest. There lay his amazing girlfriend of almost 5 years, Y/N, looking up at him in adoration. He smiled and left a kiss on the top of her head, wrapping his arms around her exposed waist as she cuddled into his bare chest again.

"Morning, darling," he whispered, giving her another kiss on the cheek before meeting her lips. He could feel her smile into it. The cute moment was broken by a knock on the bedroom door, followed by a voice.

"Sargeant Barnes, Miss L/N, they're here." Shuri's voice came from behind the giant metal doors. Y/N groaned before sitting up, followed by her boyfriend as they got changed, exchanging in light conversation and a few stolen pecks here and there. The couple walked out together, meeting Okoye, a fierce warrior and the commander of the Dora Milaje, and T'Challa, the king of Wakanda and a new close friend. As they met, the group walked out of the grand doors to be met by big quinjet and an all too familiar group of people. T'Challa talked to the remaining of the Avengers about what seemed like a defence plan.

"You will have my Kingsguard, the Border Tribe, the Dora Molaje, and..." T'Challa stopped speaking and motioned towards the pair walking towards them.

"A semi-stable 100-year-old man," Bucky said as he walked towards them. Y/N kept beside him, Bucky's hand placed on the small of her back. He removed it to go over to hug his old friend, as Y/N took the chance to say hi and give hugs to the rest of her team, her family.

"How you been, guys," Steve said as he hugged Y/N, She happily gave him a tight hug, as Steve was like a brother to her. Y/N returned to Bucky's side as he wrapped his metal arm around her waist protectively 

"Uh, not bad," Bucky said as he looked down to the incredible woman beside him. She looked up at him as well, offering him a smile as she briefly leaned on his shoulder.

"For the end of the world, at least," she finished, causing Bucky to roll his eyes, though a smirk was still on his face, and Steve let out a chuckle. The reunited team head inside to speak of how to get Vision's stone out of his head. Bucky and Y/N soon departed to go with the Kingsguard to speak of a gameplan. Bucky and Y/N suited up, getting ready for probably the biggest battle of their lives.

"You sure you'll be alright?" Bucky asked her, slightly worried as he saw her practising her spatial jumps around the room. Y/N teleported right in front of him, a smirk coming across her lips.

"Might I remind you, I am a former Avenger and all-time badass," she joked, wrapping her arms around his neck, to which he automatically put his around her waist. Bucky laughed.

"You remind me at least twice a day, Y/N," he snapped back. The girl feigned a hurt expression, before letting out a laugh. Bucky let go and reached for his gun and soon, an alarm went off from Y/N' kimoyo bracelet, signalling the threat has finally arrived. Y/N sighed, looking over at her partner, and gave him a soft smile.

"Time to go," she said quietly. Bucky gave her a sad smile, not wanting to think of what might happen to either of them out there. He grabbed her face and kissed her passionately. Y/N quickly responded, her hands going up to his hair and his shoulder. He pulled apart before resting his forehead on hers.

"I love you, Y/N," he whispered to her, his hands still on her jawline. She smiled up at him, giving him a quick peck on the lips. "So much."

"I love you, too, Bucky," she said, a tear slipping from her eye. Bucky wiped it off with his thumb and Y/N sniffed, parting from him as she stood up straighter and grabbed her knives. She grinned at Bucky one last time before the terrible events that happened during the Battle of Wakanda. "Now, let's go kick some alien ass."

Follow everywhere I go Top over the mountains or valley low Give you everything you’ve been dreaming of Just let me in, ooh Then she ran faster than Start screaming, is there someone out there? Please help me Just let me in, ooh

[chokememrstark]

Happy New Year, Peter // Starker

Words: ~ 1,9k

Summary: While everyone else is at the big New Year's Party on the Times Square, drinking and having fun, Peter decides to spend the day in Tony's lab to work on one of his projects instead. What he doesn't know yet is that the way he enters the new year will be much better than everyone else's.

Warnings: new year’s eve, first kiss, first time, drinking, underage drinking, underage peter

Note: As promised, go into the new year with some cute and smutty Starker. Happy 2019!

[Read on AO3]

Peter sits on the floor in Tony's private lab, legs crossed and a candy cane between his lips, a leftover from the Christmas party last week. He wears his oversized Iron Man shirt and some fluffy socks and that's pretty much it, but it doesn't matter. No one is there, everyone is going to celebrate New Year's on the Times Square, so until morning he will be alone and can do whatever he wants.

Well, almost. He's not sad to be alone, he prefers it this way because at the party everyone will just be drunk and loud and no one wants a kid around anyway to spoil the fun. So, he decided to use the privilege of being allowed in here, where he sometimes works with Tony, and keeps Friday as his company - a quiet one, but at least she's nice.

He's working on one of Tony's spare gloves, a project he's been at for a few weeks now and since he got nothing better to do, he thought why not? If it failed, Tony wouldn't see at least and he wouldn't embarrass himself.

"Dammit, where did I put the shooter now?" he groans and looks around, rolling the candy cane over to the other side of his mouth.

"Behind you, Peter, on the table," Friday helps him out and he laughs at forgetting that he put it up there.

"Thanks, honey!" he says quickly, wondering when he fell into the habit of calling her that. Maybe when he heard Tony do the same he picked it up, he wouldn't be surprised.

When the shooter is finally put in place and he closes the glove again, half the candy cane is gone and he's smiling happily.

"I did it! Friday, I did it!"

"Well done, Peter,” Friday congratulates him. "Would you like to test it out?"

"Oh yes! Activate the dummies for me please."

Peter puts the glove on and gets into position. If he calculated everything correctly, the liquid metal he used should shoot out and create a web similar to his own shooters, which he could then energize with enough power to knock everything out.

Friday rolls out the dummies they use to test new weapons on and Peter aims.

"All or nothing, here we go!"

He presses the button. With a buzzing noise the glove shoots out something that looks like quicksilver that drapes over the dummy in an almost perfect web. Peter makes a mental note to calibrate it a bit more later because it's good, but it's not yet perfect and then presses the button again for the final test. He can see the sparks of electricity shoot along the metal, but before he can break out in cheering the dummy suddenly catches fire and his euphoria is gone.

"Shit!"

He darts forward and grabs the fire extinguisher from the wall, aiming at the dummy to not let it get any worse than it already is. Tony would kill him, fuck.

"May I suggest turning down the power on your new addition to the glove, Peter?" Friday asks cheekily when Peter finally managed to put out the fire and he snarls at her, but without any real anger.

"Thanks for the tip, honey. My next guess was to turn it up."

Despite almost setting the lab on fire and managing to cover his feet in white while putting the flames out, Peter's excitement over his invention is still as strong and by the time he's back at his workplace and picks the candy cane back up, he's laughing again already.

"Do you think he can actually use it when I worked out the kinks?" Peter asks without looking up as he puts his tools back away.

"Whose kinks?" A new voice suddenly asks, causing Peter to freeze in place and rip his eyes open. The candy cane drops onto the table.

Fuck, Tony! What is he doing here?

"Who's being kinky in my lab? Only I'm allowed to be kinky in here!"

Peter forces himself to turn around and immediately realizes Tony has been drinking. He's not completely drunk, but the gleeful look in his eyes and the way he sways ever so slightly as he walks over are a clear sign. Well, that, and the bottle of champagne he holds in his hand.

"S-Sir! I-I didn't expect you to be back so early, I'm sorry," Peter stammers an apology, quickly hiding the glove under a pile of papers in hope Tony didn't see it. "W-What are you doing here? Why aren't you at the party?"

"Smells like someone forgot to turn off the stove," Tony scoffs, completely ignoring Peter's question as he walks over to his own desk. “Nice shirt, by the way. Glad you grew out of your Cap phase.”

Peter watches Tony for a moment, not sure what to make of this compliment because his shirt sure as hell isn't anything special. He likes it though, that Tony likes it. And that he noticed because it's his favorite one and it always reminds him of Tony.

"Honey, it's too quiet, play something for me, will you?" Tony says eventually, without looking up.

Friday puts on one of Tony's playlists he sometimes listens to when he works and Peter figures it might be better to just disappear because it doesn't look like Tony is even fully registering he's there. The moment he tries to sneak out, though, he suddenly speaks again and Peter stops in his tracks.

"What are you doing here, kid?" Tony asks and somehow gets two glasses from his desk that he fills, looking at him. "A bit sad here all alone, don't you think?"

Peter bites back a sarcastic comment about Tony being here too and just shrugs. "I don't like big parties, I'd rather be here."

"You'd rather spend New Year's alone in here than with me?" Tony asks with a voice far lower and huskier than Peter is used to, making the boy blush as he leans back against his desk.

"I-I didn't think... that party isn't for kids, Sir. I can't even drink, it's no place for me." He comes up with a stupid excuse because he has no other and knows it's blatantly obvious. He wanted to spend New Year's with Tony but he knew he'd only ruin it for the other.

"Well, I've got a surprise for you then," Tony says and holds up one of the glasses in front of Peter. "Tonight, you can. I'll allow it."

He knows he shouldn't take the glass but it's in his hands before Peter even realizes it. "T-Thank you, sir," he gulps.

"For the last time, Pete, it's Tony, not sir," Tony rolls his eyes and smirks. "Sir sounds like I'm old."

Peter can't suppress a smirk and when Tony holds out his glass, he tips against it slightly with his own. He mimics Tony and puts it to his lips, smiling at the sparkly and sweet liquid. Not bad, that's a taste he could get used to. When he puts the glass back down he chuckles into his other hand, he just can't help it.

"Did I miss something?" Tony asks and raises a brow, but Peter just shakes his head. “What's so funny?”

"No, I... it just... feels funny, that's all," he explains, his cheeks flushing pink.

There are a few seconds of silence and then, before he even realizes what happens, Tony's lips are pressed against his own and the half empty glass drops from his hand. Peter rips his eyes open, but they refuse to stay that way when Tony suddenly pushes him back and his tongue slips into his mouth.

There's a quiet moan against the man's lips before Peter brings a shaky hand up and buries it in his hair. God, he feels so good, so light, it's like every nerve in his body is exploding. Tony tastes of champagne and strawberries - Peter doesn't know why and he really doesn't care either - and it's everything his dumb and silly teenage brain imagined he would taste like.

When Tony finally pulls back, Peter is completely wrecked and speechless, fighting for air and looking up at him with the biggest and most stunned eyes possible. He only now realizes he's not standing anymore, but sitting on his workstation. Did Tony lift him up? Fuck, he can't remember.

They look at each other for over a minute without saying a word, then Tony suddenly lifts a finger to his lips and brushes over them.

“You taste sweet,” he says quietly, surprised even, and Peter blushes even harder. “And you're sticky.”

“C-Candy cane,” he mumbles flustered and shyly. “From… the Christmas party…”

Tony leans forward and kisses him again without a word, less demanding this time and without tongue, but it's absolutely delightful and gentle and leaves Peter shuddering when he finally pulls back.

“Friday, honey… what time is it?” Tony asks after a moment, voice low and ominous.

“23:41, Sir.”

Tony gulps and looks back at the boy with dark eyes. “Peter, do you want to start the new year with a bang?”

Peter's mouth runs dry and he's actually at a loss of words. Nineteen minutes. And a bang. He knows exactly what Tony is talking about and he knows he'd never ask him something like that if he weren't drunk, but quite frankly? He doesn't give a shit. This is his chance and Tony wants him, this isn't one of his wet dreams he will wake up from any minute. And he wants it.

Fifteen minutes later, Tony is on Peter, drowning him in a passionate and longing kiss and buried so deep inside of the boy that he feels like he will burst from it. When he finally moves, Peter believes he's dying with every thrust and nothing else matters anymore. He holds onto the man so desperately his nails leave marks on his back and Tony just goes faster, takes him harder and Peter is trapped in this deep and overwhelming pleasure that erases everything else from existence.

When the fireworks outside start going off, Peter is a bubbling and panting mess, writhing under Tony's forceful thrusts and he whimpers, desperately cries out for even more because he feels so good and perfect and so alive and he never wants it to end.

It's over two hours later that they finally collapse on the bed, breathless and exhausted and completely fucked out. Peter's smile is carved onto his face, it won't disappear anymore. Then, Tony rolls over and kisses Peter's chest and he lets out a quiet sigh, too drained for more even though he loves it so much.

“Happy New Year, kid,” Tony whispers, his breath hot against Peter's skin and the boy just pulls him up to kiss him again, still needy, still blown away that they do this and still absolutely loving it.

When they part, the smile is still there and Peter's eyes are filled with nothing but sheer bliss and adoration.

“Please let me start every day of this year with a bang, Mister Stark,” he says softly and the answer he gets is Tony's lips crashing against his own, taking away all doubts and worries and leaving him the happiest he has ever been in his life.

Oh, this year couldn't have started any better!