#COVER UP JAY ITS FOR MY SANITY

[fakeuwus]

jumping off the nearest cliff who with me 😹😹😹😹🤦🏻‍♀️😹

[totallynotandie]

A Lot’s On My Mind

Or, my rewrite of MH where Brian doesn’t die (It’s worse than death!)

God, he hopes Tim will understand.

It's the last thought The Hooded Man has before his head hits the concrete, the pain isn’t as bad as he thought it would be but the squishy feeling of the back of his head makes him feel sick. He focuses on Tim instead, almost missing the sight of his old best friend peaking over the balcony. He wants to know how he’s thinking, but the nothingness is too welcoming. He’s wrapped in it like a blanket, wrapping him up until it covers his eyes and he can’t do anything but sleep.

He can finally sleep.

The nothingness is still there but he knows he’s somewhere else. A place he has escaped time and time again but only really remembers when he’s there.

The Ark.

The last place he wanted to end up after that stunt. He can’t find it in him to stand again despite the pain being gone.

Everything Is Normal.

The sky is so dark that he can’t tell if he’s closed his eyes or not and the thought makes him so tired. He just wants to sleep now but if he is still alive then he needs to leave this place. He doesn’t want to know what would happen if he let himself drift away here.

Food For The Ark.

The thought hits him hard enough to make him fling upwards, the motion causing his head to spin. He brings his hand back to assess the damage, cringing at the squishy feeling of what could only be blood and deciding not to look for his sanity.

Everything Is Fine.

He decides that it's probably a concussion, not the worst thing he has dealt with and it won’t be the last - probably. He’ll have to worry about that after he escapes. He digs a flashlight out of his hoodie pocket, using it to at least see the ground in front of him.

The Hooded Man pushes himself to his feet, stumbling over his lanky legs while fighting the blurry vision caused by his small headache. That was the one thing he enjoyed about The Ark - its ability to at least numb most of the pain. His normally dry throat didn’t burn while he breathed, he almost felt like he could speak clearly if he tried but what was the point when there was no one to speak to?

A part of him missed talking, he remembers never being able to shut up when he was younger and made acquaintances everywhere he went. Everyone knew him- or at least knew he was a friendly guy. He was never alone, always having someone there to talk about the latest shitty movie or any other pointless thing that mattered at the time. But he was alone now, alone and staring down into a dark hole that seemed to go on forever.

Maybe a fall from there would work better.

He turns away from the hole and is met with the sight of someone else lying on the ground.

Jay.

By the looks of it, there's nothing left but a shell - A broken mind.

There is nothing he can do for him now and so he walks away. But the darkness swallows the light and causes his flashlight to be worthless.

Keep moving.

He can’t stop, he has to get out, he has to see them again.

His flashlight works enough to land on The Operator's blank face.

He is falling- no, he’s sinking in the water now. It's cold but that's the least of his problems with all the worries running through his head. He doesn’t want to die, he just wants to get away from its influence. He misses being normal, he misses his friends- He misses his mom.

He couldn’t stop himself from mourning a life he could no longer have- it infected him with something incurable, something that was going to always come back. The tears mix with the water while he thinks of the worst.

This is where I should stay now. Away from anyone I could ever hurt again. Away from-

He knew that white mask but he couldn’t bring himself to reach for it. He hadn’t seen Tim use the mask for months now. Had he been able to break away from it? Was he thrown down here to be taunted by it? Or was this just where things went when they weren’t needed anymore?

That made the most sense to him- what would he even do if he came back? He already proved time and time again that he didn’t have the guts to kill someone. That’s how Alex kept getting away from him and it made him feel like the biggest dumbass between the four of them. But he tried to fix that but helping in other ways- he tried to tell the others everything he knew, But no matter how hard he tried it only came out in riddles or code.

This was the clearest he’s been able to think in a long time.

He finally makes it to the end of the water but there's no ground, like a flipped image he falls through like the sky was just one big pond. He feels like he’s falling forever but he can’t bring himself to open his eyes. Wasn’t all this supposed to end the last time he fell? It made his stomach churn in the way it does when he sees blood just thinking about what a big splat he’ll make.

But he’s laying face first in the grass now and he doesn’t remember landing. He can’t even remember if he was falling anymore- was it just messing with his head? The air smells better here, smells familiar but he’s too busy collecting himself to connect what it is.

He rips his mask off after pushing himself up to sit on his knees, looking around dumbfoundedly at the familiar scene before him.

He was home.

But he shouldn’t be, dead people don’t get to return home.

But he also couldn’t ignore how…alive he felt. Like a video game character who just used a health potion. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this good, even before The Operator he would always have something sore- a hangnail or a mosquito bite. It felt unnatural to feel no pain. But he could still feel- he felt his knees getting damp from the grass, the warm night air on his face, the cool feeling of breathing it all in.

He was home and he was…free?

Brian could still think clearly like he was in The Ark but the world in front of him was full of color. He was in the backyard of the house he grew up in, the house his mom owns.

I haven’t seen her since that morning I left to shoot with Alex...

The day Brian died The Hooded Man took his place, but Brian is back now and he misses his mom. He’s quickly on his feet and walking towards the back door, ignoring how the door is painted a different color. The familiar white is replaced with red and the chicken sign she always had hanging on it is gone too.

It doesn’t matter, people change and so do the things they own.

He doesn’t have a key, but years of accidentally forgetting his key somewhere made him learn how to learn how to pick locks. Luckily he remembers that he already broke the lock on one of the dining room’s windows when he was still learning. Deciding to work smarter, not harder, he rounds the house and tries to open the window.

It’s Locked.

It looks like his mom fixed it but he’s still able to pick the lock. It slides open easily and he still expects Cooper to run up and greet him- probably waking his mom with his barking. But all he hears is the ticking of a grandfather clock that he doesn’t quite remember his mom owning.

It’s been like, 6 years? I’m probably just isn’t remembering right.

He pulls himself in, his feet muffled by the new white carpet that his muddy boots soiled. He’ll have to clean that up later because he’s too distracted by all the new changes his mom put into the house while he’s been gone. The dining table stayed the same but where it normally had fresh flowers it now held some piece of modern art, he’s unsure what it’s supposed to be as it just looks like a white cube with more cubes flouting off it.

She sure has gotten some weird tastes since I’ve been gone.

He chuckles while he picks it up, flipping it around in his hand to look it over. He cringes at the mud that he leaves on it and decides it’ll be a better surprise if he cleans up his mess before she wakes up. The broom closest is where he remembers it, but the products in it are more expensive than he remembers.

Did dad start sending her more money?

He wonders, a bitter taste from the thought of his absent father whose only good came from the steady paychecks. Brian hasn’t seen him since he was 10, the last time either of them saw him while he gave his mother a wad of cash and flew off to Vegas. Brian thought he would have gambled everything away already, but it looks like his father took all of the familys luck.

He grabs some sprays and realizes the rags aren’t where they usually are. Looking around again he notices that the familiar tan wallpaper is now gone and replaced with an off-white paint, making the whole room brighter. Something about it made Brian feel sick, like he should be realizing something but his brain just wont let him.

I just need some water…can’t remember the last time I’ve had any.

He stumbles to the kitchen, trying to ignore his racing heart. He tries not to notice that he doesn’t recoganze any of the mugs, filling one up at the refurnished sink and chugging all the water down in big gulps. He repeats this a few times, not realizing how much he missed water even after having almost drowned 10 minutes earlier. When he’s done he leans back against the sink and lets out a sigh, basking in the feeling of being in his childhood home again.

But instead of smelling like breakfast food and cheap flowers it smells like artificial vanilla and pizza. When he opens his eyes he stares at the remodeled kitchen, unable to recognize anything from his childhood. He desperately tries to find anything familiar, pausing when his eyes land on the fridge.

Pictures of a family that looks too happy to be considered real replace his baby photos. He can’t help but to slowly walk towards it, pulling what had to be a stock photo off, letting the magnet hit the floor while he just stares at it.

This has to be some kind of sick joke.

“Put your hands where I can see ‘em’.” A man stands at the door in a bathrobe, a handgun pointing expertly at Brian's head. How long had he been staring at the photo? How is the stock image man in the same room as him?

“Why are you in my house?” His voice is deeper than he remembers but much smoother than it should be from not using it for the last 6 or 7 years. He keeps his eyes on the floor, hoping so desperately that it isn’t what he thinks is happening to him. Stuff like that only happened in cheesy movies.

“This ain’t your house, me and my family been living here for years.” The safety clicks and Brian looks up at the man, tears running down his face at a revelation that he was still desperately hoping to be false.

The older man stares at him for a moment, eyes widening before he slowly lowers his gun. “Wait…wait a moment. You’re that missing kid. Brian Thomas? We still have a paper up for you in the office.”

Kid? He had to be in his late 20s by now.

“What happened to my mom? Grace Thomas. She lived here.”

“Oh…kid.”

He didn’t need to hear anything else after that, a different kind of ringing filling his ears as if to try and protect him. But it quickly became familiar when he saw its face pushed against the dining room window, only slightly visible from his view from the kitchen and the off-duty cop in front of him. Thoughts that he knew now weren’t his filled his mind, thoughts of the stock photo family staining the stupid white carpet red.

How dare they live so happily in what was supposed to be his home.

He bites his tongue to try and ignore what the operator is putting in his head, but when did it get in the dining room?

Mom died because I wasn’t here to take care of her when she was sick.

He knows that. It doesn’t need to keep repeating it to him.

“What the fuck in that??”

Gunshots snap him out of it for a moment, watching the poor man in front of him desperately try and shoot at the creature and somehow miss every shot despite his close range. Brian can’t help but be a little impressed that he had the balls to do that, the thought had never crossed his mind.

There’s nothing left for me now, I might as well do as I’m told.

The gun is still in his pocket and while he knows that thought really isn’t his own he still can’t get over the relief he knows he will feel after he finally gets this all over with. Maybe it will finally leave him alone this time.

It’s not like his mom will get the chance to be disappointed in him now.

For the first time since he became The Hooded Man, he raises the gun with a clear head.

For the first time, He does as The Operator wishes.

[wherethewordsare]

Sweater Weather- Mutual Pining for Jay’s 400 Follower Bingo!!

He’d found it after a movie night, draped over the back of the couch. He held it up to confirm and yep. There was no mistaking the hood and the bulky black sleeves. It looked like it may have gone through the dryer about twelve times too many and the zipper pull was barely hanging on. He let his thumb rub against the hem of the sleeve, shaking his head. Jaskier tucked the hoodie under his arm as he pulled out his phone, smiling to himself. 

geralt

u left ur hoodie

its cold and everything how do u forget that

ur worse than ciri smh 

Just hold onto it, I’ll grab it next time. 

And I am not worse than Ciri. I’m not the one who’s left his phone in the Denny’s bathroom at 2am…. Twice…

Last month. 

shhhhh :P

Throwing his phone down, Jaskier went to his closet. He was going to just hang up the hoodie and Geralt would get it eventually. Honestly, he was going to put it away. But then he pressed his face into the shoulder and sighed.  

This was wrong. He should just hang it up and return it when they saw each other again. He wasn’t about to let this silly little infatuation with Geralt ruin a perfectly good friendship. Especially not over a stupid hoodie.

Unfortunately, Jaskier's self restraint had taken the night off. Before he could stop himself, Jaskier was sliding his arms in, zipping up the front and crawling into bed. One night of indulging wasn’t going to hurt anyone. Even if it felt like his chest was splitting open. He shifted a little under the covers, burying his nose into the collar as he drifted off to sleep. They had been through so much together since they met in high school, wasn’t Jaskier allowed this one little thing, just this once?

-o-O-o-

i still have ur hoodie

u want it back cause we could like meet up for coffee 

we could go to the nag :) 

He snapped a picture of the hoodie and a travel mug in his passenger seat, sending it off. 

Can’t today. :(

Parent teacher meetings and then Dad wants us to help him fix the roof.

I could use my hoodie today, it’s cold… 

omgl finally

thought id have to do it

Jask… no. 

:/ fine then

see if i try to be helpful again

jk jk

dont die

I dont wanna do handywork :3 

Geralt had been right. It was cold, and Jaskier had forgotten his own jacket at home. He frowned down at the hoodie and sighed. It was only because it was chilly. Nothing else. He tried to ignore how it still smelled so strongly of Geralt. He walked around the gallery wrapped in Geralt’s hoodie, the front unzipped and his hands buried in the sleeves. 

-o-O-o-

hehe crispy leaf time

the cold is coming 

Yes, Jaskier. That’s how seasons work

u know what that means~

Geralt did not in fact, know what that meant but he soon found out. He was in the middle of typing when a picture came up with the caption “stolen hoodie weather :3” with Jaskier curled up on his couch at home, snuggled up in the black zip up hoodie Geralt only remembered leaving there early last Spring. 

Something in his stomach flipped and he looked around to make sure no one was watching him. Why? Why would it matter if someone saw him? It was just Jaskier.

He frowned and started typing again. He stopped and erased it, fighting down the small smile that was starting to tilt the corners of his mouth. 

You kept it?

Way to go, Geralt. That was really fucking smooth. What was he supposed to mean by that?

unlike u :(((

abandoner of hoodies

some of us appreciate the gift of comfort geralt

Geralt felt like his brain was melting. That thing in his stomach seemed to purr with satisfaction at the idea of Jaskier wearing his hoodie. It was petty and ridiculous and oh no, Geralt couldn't take his eyes off the way the black material framed Jaskier's collarbone. 

No. No no. This way lay madness, he told himself. He would simply get the hoodie back and that was that. 

hey when do u wanna do our next movie night

its been like

7099039 years

Geralt hesitated for a moment. He had never hesitated when it came to Jaskier. They had known each other for far too long. 

Sure. My turn to pick?

not if u choose a history documentary

Spy movie?

:0 promise?

yes pls

Should I bring wine?

Wait, no that would be a very bad idea. 

:) you know it

bring the good shit

eskels secret one

i know you can find it 

It’s called “google” Jaskier. Even I know that. And I will see what I can do.

same time and place as normal right

It’s a date.

Geralt felt as though his soul had left his body when he had hit send. Had he lost his entire mind? He was in the middle of typing a follow up, trying to word the best way to dismiss his complete and total departure from sanity when the little dots popped up then disappeared then popped up again.

It’s a date. :)

Jaskier nearly slammed the door back into Geralt’s face in shock. Geralt was standing in the hall, bottle of wine in one hand, movie and carry out in the other. Then there was the shirt. Jaskier had actually helped him pick it out. The black button up, the sleeves rolled up and was his hair actually combed back? He looked good. Jaskier swallowed hard. He looked really damn good. 

But that wasn’t even the weird part. No, the weird part was the way Geralt’s eyes widened when he had opened the door. He recovered quickly though, nodding at Jaskier as he stepped in. 

“Didn’t think you’d let the apartment be cold enough you’d need to wear a hoodie.” He smirked, setting the bag down on the table before going right into the kitchen. 

“Comfort, Geralt. I’m telling you, I just don’t think you appreciate it enough.”  Jaskier followed him in. It was routine for them, the way Geralt got the wine open, Jaskier grabbed plates and silverware; the way they bickered and snarked, barely suppressing laughs through barbs. 

-o-O-o-

The coffee table was littered with cartons of orange chicken and fried noodles. Geralt set his plate down as he leaned back, slinging his arm across the back of the couch. He had to smile at the sense of deja vu that struck him. Casino Royale wasn’t just a comfort movie for them. It had been their first movie night nearly fifteen years ago. 

By now, they could practically quote the entire thing, make quips at Bond’s smugness and only just sit through that one scene without wincing. At least that’s what they told themselves. 

Now they watched as Bond and Vesper reconnect outside of that fancy English rehab center. Jaskier chorused him as they both rolled their eyes and sighed at Bond’s shitty lines about little fingers. 

“God he’s the worst.” Jaskier took a sip of wine, making a gagging sound. 

“Quantum still exists.” he chuckled. 

“Valid!” Jaskier set his wine down. 

Geralt leaned over as Bond delivered his next line, syncing his tone and dropping into a soft gravelly murmur. 

“Whatever I am, I’m yours.” It was supposed to be cheesy and ridiculous but Geralt found that it felt far too honest. There was truth to them that he couldn’t think to deny now.

Jaskier nearly choked as he looked up, his eyes going wide. Geralt watched as he leaned into his personal space. Time felt like it stuttered to a halt in that moment, Jaskier inches from him, still draped in his hoodie. Geralt wet his lips anxiously. The tension between them felt like a powerline pulled too tight; everything seemed to crackle with it. 

“Geralt-” 

Whatever he was going to say was lost the second Geralt closed the distance, pressing his mouth to Jaskier’s. It was nearly magnetic and there was no pulling away. Geralt’s hands strayed down to Jaskier’s thighs without his realizing it. There was no way he could stop himself now. He’d wanted this for far too long to just let it go. Part of him would mourn the loss of his oldest friendship, but that was Tomorrow Geralt’s problem. 

Jaskier’s arms wrapped around him, pulling him closer as Geralt tugged Jaskier into his lap clumsily. 

Geralt had to break the kiss first, pulling back gasping for air and pressing their foreheads together.

“Jask… Wait. Wait,” Geralt choked. He had to tilt his head back to get his words out as Jaskier dipped back in to start kissing him again. “Shit. Jaskier…” He already sounded wrecked to his own ears. His hands were on Jaskier’s hips, thumbs rubbing soft circles against his sides as he looked up, eyes searching. “Are you sure you want this?” 

He needed to hear it. He needed to know he was allowed to have this. It was one thing to say it would be Tomorrow Geralt’s problem, but it was another to actively throw away the best friendship he had ever had. He had spent too long pretending they could be just friends for it to fall apart like this. 

Jaskier crowded in closer and it took everything in him not to just give in to it because fuck that felt amazing. There was an easy smile across his lips that made Geralt feel like he was starving. 

“Geralt, I swear to the gods, don’t you dare start questioning this now,” as open as his face was, his voice trembled slightly. It was then that Geralt realized that Jaskier was practically vibrating under his palms. It was instinct the way he wrapped his arms around Jaskier’s middle, pulling him closer. “I’ve been wanting this for at least a solid decade.” 

Geralt blinked hard as he gaped up at Jaskier. 

“Are you really that surprised, Geralt?” Jaskier hummed, leaning back down and pressing a surprisingly chaste kiss to his cheek.

“Hmm. Maybe not.” He found himself chuckling, trying to breathe around the bubble of light that was threatening to fill his entire chest. He caught Jaskier’s mouth again, his hand coming up to slide into his hair, holding him close. 

It was hard to tell who had deepened the kiss further but the laughter died on his tongue when he felt Jaskier roll his hips down into his lap. Suddenly everything was too much and achingly not enough. The hoodie slipped down Jaskier’s shoulders and what little attention span Geralt had left zeroed into that same spot along Jaskier’s collarbone. 

Pulling Jaskier closer, he made a trail of graceless open mouthed kisses along his jaw and down the firm column of his neck, his teeth raking over the spot with careless abandon. He was rewarded with a soft keen and Jaskier squirming in his arms. Long dexterous fingers wound into his hair, cradling his head as his own found their way up the back of Jaskier’s shirt. 

“Geralt-” There was a tug in his hair and fuck shit yes. He must have made some kind of noise because he felt Jaskier chuckle fondly. “Geralt, as much as I am enjoying this,” he gasped, back arching as Geralt nipped just below his ear, “Bedroom. Now.”

There was no arguing with that tone nor could he bring himself to find anything to argue about. Geralt tilted his head back up, Jaskier’s lips crushing in against his, taking every last remaining shred of doubt away. He felt his body switch to autopilot as he scooped Jaskier up from under his thighs, pleased at the way his legs wrapped around him automatically. He carried him easily, stopping only for a moment to pin Jaskier to the wall to adjust his grip under him, long enough to flick the lights off. 

Jaskier snorted, pulling away. “So considerate.” He teased. Geralt gave him a playful swat on his thigh and the chuckling was cut off by one of those delicious keening noises. 

Geralt half stumbled, half marched to where he knew Jaskier’s bedroom to be, blindly pushing the door open with his foot. He let himself bask in the heat of Jaskier’s body pressed to his, taking his bottom lip and biting it. 

The reality of where he was came crashing down on him and time was doing that thing again, slowing down as someone else with his hands kneeled against the side of the bed, letting them both tumble back into ridiculously lavish sheets. Years of habitual teasing were only tamped down by Jaskier’s insistent fingers making quick work of the buttons on the front of Geralt’s shirt. 

“You just had to wear this one, didn’t you.” Apparently not everyone was so distracted not to tease. “Do you know how hard it was not to just pull you into my apartment and kiss that ridiculous face of yours?” 

Geralt gave a wry smile. “Do you know how hard it’s been for fifteen years, being your best friend and thinking I would never get to kiss that beautiful face of yours?” 

He had to bite the inside of his lip as Jaskier’s whole face and neck flushed brilliant pink in the low light. 

“Geralt!” he practically whined and Geralt couldn’t stop from laughing softly at that, bending back down to kiss him again. He decided he couldn’t help himself, not really. 

This was too good. If he could just bottle this moment and tuck it away for every rainy day for the rest of his life, he would.  

“I guess I’ll just have to make it up to you now.” Geralt hummed happily. He shifted, the hand under Jaskier’s thigh moving to tug his hips flush with Geralt’s as his other hand moved to cup his face. “As long as you’re okay with that.” 

Geralt was pretty sure they were too far gone to ever go back, but even now, he had to make sure.

“Geralt Roger Eric…” Jaskier groused. “If you do not come back down here and kiss-” his words were muffled by Geralt’s mouth, his tongue sliding over Jaskier’s bottom lip and swallowing whatever ridiculous threats may have been lobbed at him. 

He found that kissing Jaskier had been easier than breathing. Before he knew it, Geralt was pulling back to pull off his shirt but his hands froze. He cursed under what breath he had left because the view of Jaskier under him, lips kiss bruised and shining, the needy look in his eyes, and the way his hair was pushed in every direction nearly undid Geralt completely. 

He snapped back to work, stripping out of his shirt and pushing at his jeans, letting them slide away. 

“C'mere you gorgeous thing.” Geralt murmured softly, pulling Jaskier to him before rolling, his back pressed up against the headboard. 

Jaskier shimmied out of his own jeans before straddling Geralt’s thighs, letting his fingers trail up the planes of Geralt’s chest, a stray fingernail grazing over his nipple, making him groan. Jaskier only grinned, leaning in, and nipping at Geralt’s neck. 

All Geralt could do was groan and tilt his head back, his hands sliding over Jaskier’s back. He was just aware enough to realize when Jaskier started to work his way down his body. Looking down, he watched in complete awe as nimble fingers hooked into his boxers. 

The first touch of Jaskier’s mouth to the jut of Geralt’s hip had his blood singing and he could only drop his head back against the wall. He hadn’t realized how achingly hard he was until Jaskier was biting down gently on Geralt’s upper thigh making him jump. 

There was a low chuckle from somewhere around his groin and then there was a sharp tug on his boxers. Jaskier wasted no time getting a hand around Geralt’s cock while he still playfully nipped at Geralt’s hip and thigh and abs. This was how he was going to die, he thought absently as he let his hand move to the back of Jaskier’s head. He let his fingers tangle there, tugging gently and Jaskier seemed to get the message though he could feel the smirk against his inner thigh. 

The weight of Jaskier between his thighs, one hand sliding up Geralt’s torso as the other stroked him lightly left Geralt breathless, his eyes fluttering at every touch. But it was when Jaskier wrapped his mouth around the head of his cock that Geralt felt like he was going to vibrate out of his skin. He bucked his hips instinctively into the hot slick of Jaskier’s mouth before he could stop himself. 

For long moments, all Geralt could do was hold on. Jaskier took him slowly, seeming to savor the newly found ground between them as he bobbed further and further until Geralt was nudging the back of his throat. He gasped, his back arching when Jaskier swallowed around him, his responding hum a little too self satisfied. 

Geralt tightened his grip in Jaskier’s hair only slightly, tugging him up. It was messy and Jaskier’s mouth was open and slick, his eyes glazed slightly with a need that left Geralt breathless. He looked debauched and it was honestly the most beautiful thing Geralt had ever seen. 

“Fuck,” he groaned pulling Jaskier back into his lap, his hips stuttering to grind up against Jaskier’s thigh. 

Jaskier pressed in close, panting slightly as he broke a kiss that had been more teeth than anything, leaning his forehead to Geralt’s. “Mm, fuck. We- Ah,” He chuckled as Geralt dipped in to kiss him again, dodging away gracefully. “Geralt, I need-” he licked his lips , taking a shaky breath. “Want you to-” 

Geralt was already nodding. He would agree to anything Jaskier asked for but the way his hips ground down against Geralt’s lap, it wasn’t hard to fill in the blanks. He wrapped a strong arm around Jaskier’s middle, rolling them gently until Jaskier was under him his knees still bracketed around Geralt’s thighs as he arched and keened.

“Under the notebook in the-” Jaskier breathed his hands not leaving Geralt’s skin for a moment, fingers greedily mapping out the lines of his back. 

“I know, you haven’t changed your hiding place since college,” Geralt teased. To his surprise Jaskier snorted under him, his head tilting back in the pillows as he laughed. It left the column of his neck exposed to Geralt and he couldn’t help himself but lean down and bite small marks into it. He was rewarded by more delicious noises endlessly streaming from Jaskier. 

He pulled away only for the time it would take to retrieve the lube before sliding back down into Jaskier’s arms and kissing him thoroughly. His hands traveled down Jaskier’s bare chest, his fingers brushing along the top of his boxers and he gave a low huff into Jaskier’s mouth. 

“Why are these still on?” he grumbled, smirking when Jaskier rolled his eyes at him. 

“Someone’s been slacking in getting me undressed,” Jaskier shot back. 

TheirThere next kiss was a mess of chuckles and grins. Geralt shifted them again, moving to get Jaskier’s boxers down. The laughter died in Jaskier’s throat when Geralt’s fingers brushed low down his back and grazed over the swell of his ass, he buried his face into Geralt’s neck. Geralt didn’t tease for long before pulling away. It made Jaskier groan and nip at his neck until slick fingers returned to his entrance, circling slowly. 

“Fuck!” Jaskier moaned, his hips already rocking back greedily. 

Geralt quietly cursed himself for letting so much time get away from him as he slowly worked Jaskier open, enjoying the way he shivered and babbled under him with every push of his fingers. When he slipped a third finger in, Jaskier bucked under him, his eyes slamming shut as he gave a shout. 

“Geralt! Fuck, dear heart, please, for the love of all that is good-” he pleaded, his hips rocking back onto Geralt’s fingers eagerly. “If you don’t fuck me soon I’m going to combust.” 

Geralt leaned down, muffling the rest of the curses that were probably coming with a hard kiss. Jaskier arched under him as he pulled his hands away. It was easy after that, letting their bodies slot together and letting himself slide into Jaskier’s tight warmth. It felt like a gut punch. It felt like coming home. 

Jaskier wound his legs around his waist, hands reaching up to thread into Geralt’s hair as he rolled his hips, taking Geralt deeper, causing them both to groan. 

“Jask.” Geralt pressed his face to Jaskier’s shoulder panting as he started a steady pace. Soon only the sound of their heavy breathing and Jaskier’s soft moans filled the room around them. 

Time around them seemed to hold still as Jaskier tugged gently on Geralt’s hair, prying him away from his shoulder to look him in the eyes. The look Geralt found there left the world spinning. Jaskier’s eyes were bright and his smile warm even as his cheeks flushed. He was pliant and open and completely wrecked and the sight of him tugged at Geralt’s chest. The words came tumbling out before he could stop himself, his hips slowly rolling into Jaskier as they moved. 

“I love you, Julek,” he murmured as he kissed him slowly. 

Jaskier whined under him, his fingers tightening in Geralt’s hair, pulling him impossibly closer. When they finally broke apart to gasp for air, Jaskier's eyes were searching his as he bit his lip around a low moan. He huffed a wet sounding laugh as a hand slid from Geralt’s hair to rest on his cheek, a well calloused thumb tracing along his chin. “Oh, dear heart,” he shifted, canting his hips to make Geralt move. The angle shifted and Geralt seemed to nudge right against where Jaskier needed him most as he arched from the mattress and groaned. 

Geralt pushed up to sit, pulling Jaskier up with him until he was in his lap. They rocked together, shuddering every time Geralt bottomed out. He gripped Jaskier’s hip tightly with one hand as his other slid between them, wrapping around Jaskier’s cock. Jaskier pushed up into his hand, swaying between his grip and his cock, they both seemed drunk on it. It was only a matter of time after that that Jaskier was crying out, Geralt’s name tumbling from his lips, his orgasm tearing through him like a whirlwind and Geralt could do nothing but hold onto him. 

Geralt steadied him, his hand holding Jaskier still as he thrust up into him, reveling in the small fucked out noises Jaskier whimpered into his neck before he too was shaking apart, spilling into Jaskier with a low satisfied rumble. 

They kissed again, lazy and sated, their chests a mess with Jaskier’s spend. He broke the kiss first, pulling back with that smile that always left Geralt feeling dazed.

“I love you, too. I love-” he didn’t get to finish because Geralt was pressing him down into the mattress again with a hard kiss, smiling. 

He was allowed. Everything that had happened seemed to catch up with him but instead of the sheer panic he had been expecting, the only thing that wrapped around him in that moment was the bright light that was Jaskier’s answering laugh. 

--

Everything was sore but in that pleasant kind of way after a good lay. Jaskier rolled over, pressing his nose into the pillow beside him. He smiled when he realized it still smelled like Geralt. 

Geralt. Fuck!

His hand reached out before he let himself open his eyes, wincing against the bright morning light that streamed in through his windows. The space beside him was empty.

But… Geralt had said it first? Where-? Jaskier’s heart sank, his throat tightening. He knew it was too good to be true. The moment Geralt had kissed him on the couch, he had pushed down every part of him that had screamed that he was going to end up hurt by time the sun came. 

He reached for his phone though he didn’t know who he was going to text. Essi wouldn’t even be awake yet on a Saturday. The space by his lamp was also empty. He realized he must have left his phone in the living room the night before when-

He tried not to think about how easily Geralt had lifted him up and carried him to bed. He had tried not to think about how there were now bruises on his hips that were shaped like Geralt’s hands or the trail of stinging bites that he would have to carry around his empty apartment for days. He pressed the heals of his hands to his eyes and groaned. 

“Idiot,” he berated himself. 

“Cause you left your phone in the living room and now it’s dead?” Geralt asked, pushing the door open with his foot. He was in a pair of Jaskier’s sweatpants and nothing else carrying in two cups of coffee. He looked up from where he had been concentrating, trying not to spill them. “What?”

“You’re here,” Jaskier chuckled. Something in his chest lifted and he let go of a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding. 

“I… yes?” Geralt looked around. There was a lovely mark in the shape of Jaskier’s mouth on his shoulder and it made Jaskier’s toes curl. Geralt looked at the space beside Jaskier then at his face. He made a little oh with his mouth before he started to shake his head. “Oh! I see, hmm.” He set the coffee down gently on the side table and slid back into bed and into Jaskier’s arms. “Didn’t mean to scare you.” 

“So we’re…” Jaskier looked away, rubbing his palms over his covered thighs. “We’re okay?” He didn’t dare hope. Not just yet. Not in the bright light of day. 

“Well, that depends,” Geralt  chuckled, pulling him into  his lap easily. He leaned in and kissed Jaskier’s chin. “Yenn messaged. Something about brunch. I think they know. Are you okay with that?”

Jaskier snorted, leaning over to grab his coffee. “Essi. I told her it was just movie night. I tell her it’s just movie night every time and-” He realized what he was saying, the cup of coffee hovering just at his lips. He looked sideways at Geralt who was tilting his head and smirking. 

“The biggest gossip we know and that’s the one you decide to confide in?” He took the cup from Jaskier’s hands and set it down again before rolling them both to pin Jaskier under him. 

Jaskier squawked indignity, his arms wrapping around Geralt. He let himself be kissed and hummed happily when Geralt slotted easily back between his thighs. 

“We’re going to be late for brunch,” he sighed as Geralt’s hand slipped down to his thigh, fingers brushing gently over the marks from the night before. 

“Hmm, don’t care.” 

They ended up missing brunch altogether but neither seemed to mind. 

---

The weather was crisp and dry and Jaskier was bundled in the black hoodie, but now pressed against Geralt’s side as they walked into Magnolia’s. It had been easier than Geralt was expecting though he groaned as he watched several fairly large wads of cash exchange hands. 

“Pay up, Jask,” Essi grinned. 

“What?” Geralt turned, scowling. Jaskier gave a chagrined shrug as he handed over money. “So little faith?” Geralt teased. 

“You too, pretty boy!” Lambert smirked across the table. 

Jaskier gasped beside him, leaning away “So little faith, Geralt?” The sleeves of the hoodie fell over his wrists and Geralt only smiled, pulling him back against his side. 

“I don’t mind being wrong this time.” 

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

in honour of the rawring 20s, more cringy things from my emo/scene phase, a semi-masterpost:

•putting the you me at six lyric “whose keeping a score of who is a whore??? i know you don’t!” as my myspace header in japanese…… so the girls in my year at school that i thought were “whores”, and didn’t like them bc of that, wouldn’t pick up that that i was aiming it at them. like being a weeb and a scene kid douchebag???? they don’t mix lmao.

•screaming “IF YOU HAD A SEX LIFE, A SEX LIFE WOULD YOU EVEN WORRY ABOUT MINE WHEN YOUR BED IS EMPTY???? YOU’RE A WASTE OF TIME!!!!” from the song sex life by d.r.u.g.s (destroy rebuild until god shows) through the halls of catholic school in year 10/2011 to try to ~subtly~ and bitterly flirt with my crush lmao. like honey. chill the fuck out!!!! you’re 15!!!!! not many people have a sex life at 15 anyway lmao

•my uh. jeffree star music phase in 2007

•i’ve mentioned this before but wanting to score my entire year 10 drama shakespeare monologue with emo music and my teacher having to block the idea constantly bc “it’s good enough on its own! i swear to GOD!”

•taking a studded belt to school on the 31/10/2009 bc i had to get ready for amity affliction at my besties house that day after school so we could head up to sydney that night for the concert. saying shit about having a studded belt made me hardcore and wanting to punch people in the face with it bc it was some dumb reoccurring theme i had

•watching the music video for one love by aiden on my ipod nano at school and telling everyone about jeffree star’s i hate you ring in the video and how if i ever had it i’d punch all the people i hated in the face with it….. and then they’d be branded for life with the fact that i hated them?????? like bro. i KNOW you are the embodiment of angsty harry potter from HP puppet pals. but literally!!!! calm the fuck down!!!!!!

•i’ve talked about it before, but breaking up with clear braces boy and immediately demanding him to “hurry up and listen to a day to remember bc they’re fucking amazing!!! and you know i’m motherfucking right!!!!”

•taking 3 hours to straighten my hair just to go swimming….. then like someone pushing me in a pool or the surf (if we’d gone to the beach) and RUINING MY PERFECTLY STRAIGHTENED HAIR AND MY AESTHETIC!!!! HOW DARE YOU????!!! you KNEW you were going swimming girl. why the fuck did you bother to straighten your hair anyway, lmao???

•the whole cringy thing of me wanting to work in the CD shop sanity just so i could play a bunch of emo music and have some cute heavily tattooed emo boy/guy in his skinny jeans, slouchy beanie/now gross beanie hat type thing and band shirt come in and mysteriously fall in love with me….. and then kiss me to “kill me in a record shop” by boys like girls… or like alternatively i’d be making out with my hot older emo coworker in the back to the same song or some other horny emo song anthem/s 😂😂 same went for JB hifi when they came along and started stocking all time low and cute is what we aim for cd’s 😂😂😂 the hot emo bro would also teach me to skate as a bonus hobby outside of work. like KILL ME NOW!!!!

• alternatively to the above, i’d just magically have a hot emo boy boyfriend who was preferably the singer in the band…. but also could play guitar and could hardcore scream really well….. when like the bulk of those dudes were literally in their 20s 😂😅. on this point, teen emo me believing that her liking 20something emo dudes who were covered in tats and piercings and wrote ~hella deep~ lyrics etc etc just apparently made her more mature than the girls in her year at catholic school who liked justin bieber or one direction (who were literally the same age as us lol). like girl no. if those older dudes hit on you, IT’S A RED FLAG!!!! FUCKING RUN!!!!

•wanting to take my edgy pop punk road trip to a town 8 hours north from where i am as soon i got my licence and stuff… also the whole moody thing about ~crashing my car just to feel again~ theme i had going on 2011/year 10 in my teen mental breakdown phase in regards to getting my licence bc i was so desperate to do something ~reckless~

•basically a good bulk of my high school statuses tbh

•me taking in the same 3 pics of the same 3 scene queens and hayley williams (and cassidy pope, once) into my hair dresser EVERY 8 WEEKS to get my hair cut just like them 😂😂 i even updated my facebook status in year 9/2010 once with “got hayley williams hair cut today :D :D!!!!” i swear to god my hairdresser got so sick of me taking those pics in lmao 😂😅

•stage diving at a local amity affliction show in 2010/year 9 and going straight to the fucking floor bc i accidentally jumped into a hole in the crowd…. but i suppose it’s bc i was the biggest wanker at the show bc….. before we went in, i was bragging hella loud about how “hardcore” i apparently was 😂😂

•using my hot topic dress in my year 10 drama monologue bc i thought its steampunk style was elizabethan enough when paired with my black marching band style jacket (that i used to imitate black parade era mcr) and a pocket watch that was a tiny moveable robot. and also my trusty red flanno shirt from jay jays

•wanting entire clothing lines from certain band members from certain labels. and most especially booty shorts with the persons name (most frequently a dude) plastered across my ass 😂😅

•wanting the entire mid2000s line of drop dead merch. also bbycks (baby cakes) and zumiez etc etc. also glamor kills.

•desperately wanting my bra to be on a mic stand of a certain band dudes mics (just why lmao)… or on certain band members mics lmao (also just why)

[crystalgirl259]

The Flame and the Dragon Ch9

Chapter 9: The Boy in the Castle

Kai's amber eyes remained fixed on the huge castle before him. The structure stood dark, curved, and magnificent with an unearthly quality that invited doom, but drew unwary travelers to it like ships to a beacon in a raging storm. The two towers boarding the main castle and the multiple spikes, towers, and spires created a jagged line against the sky. Every gargoyle, every window, every arch, and balcony is a perfect mirror of the castle in Kai's mind.

"This is.." He trailed off, the words dying in his throat; his hands gripped the iron bars of the gate so hard the rust of the iron dug into his hands. The only difference between the two castles was this one was dark and foreboding, while the one he was used to was white and rich with life. "This place was only supposed to be a dream! It can't exist." He tried to tell himself and yet there it was. A perfect dark, mirror-image of the castle he saw every time he closed his eyes.

This was where Lloyd and Nya were trapped?

Shaking his head free of the trance once his gaze fell back on Nya's coat, Kai released his grip on the gate then took a few steps back. With a mighty kick, the gates swung open with a loud screech.

"Come on Flame." He called, but the second his foot stepped through the gates a chill ran through his body, either from coldness or fear. The stallion followed, though was much more cautious in his steps and a look of trepidation in his eyes. Kai scowled to himself. Even the horse thinks coming here is a bad idea. But he ignored his own apprehensions and bolted to the entrance.

"Stay here." He told Flame, before cautious climbing up marble steps. He approached the massive doors of the enormous castle, cautiously. The decoration was more lavish than any Kai had seen. He couldn't even begin to imagine what it must've been like centuries prior without age and weather to wither its contents. Swallowing a lump of hesitation, he pulled on the door knockers. The doors open just as the gate did, and once again, the second he stepped through the doors it was like he'd entered another world.

Despite the castle's outwardly withered appearance, the inside was nothing short of magnificent.

With slight hesitation in his step, the teen took a step down the stunning red carpet. Walls of glass were at both sides of him, hazy from years of neglect and caked with dust. A crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling. He could only imagine how lovely the crystals and glass looked in the sunlight. He came to another set of enormous doors, much nicer and more elaborate than the ones outside. Vines and roses were elegantly carved into the fine oak wood, climbing up the sides of the door and surrounding the stunning carving of what looked like an enormous dragon.

Kai shook his head again, forcing himself to stay focused.

The doors flung open with a mighty shove and again he found himself within the depths of the castle. His eyes widened in shock. He had never imagined the inside, nor had he ever dreamed it, but even he had to agree it was far more magnificent than he could have possibly imagined. The front hall alone was huge and alight with enormous iron and crystal chandeliers filled with burning wax candles. Brass candle holders lined the inner hallway.

The small candle flames bathed the entire front entrance in a pale glow.

A majestic marble staircase spiraled in one direction leading above the first staircase to what looked like a balcony-hallway. The hallways were like crystal-lined marble chambers that could lead anywhere. The ceiling seemed to go up and on forever like a giant cathedral. The chains holding the chandeliers vanished in the darkness. Gargoyles and statues embedded in the huge walls above him were in scattered locations. The darkness and years of dust draped the entire castle in an eerie atmosphere, but the history of the castle itself spoke more than a hundred ancient tomes.

"Hello!" Kai called, hearing his voice echo against the empty hallways. "Does anybody live here? Hello!" He called again. His own voice boomed around him, the only drop of sound among the room of silence. "I'm looking for my brother and sister! Hello!" He tried for the third time but still got no answer. Confident that the castle was indeed abandoned he turned to the left towards the first corridor. He started calling Nya and Lloyd's names, unable to shake the feeling that someone was watching him in the main hallway...

****************

"What on earth were you and Tox thinking, Jay?" The white and black-haired man in disappointment. He also had a goatee and black eyebrows that looked similar to Kai's. He wore a gray and tan robe-like attire with a leather collar and belt. Jay was currently lying on his back, atop the dining room table, since it hadn't been used in well over a century. Ronin was pacing around in front of them. Zane was in the other room talking to the castle's seamstresses to pay them any attention.

"I know! I know! I'm sorry!" Jay apologized but it was muffled by his hands covering his face. He sat up and braced himself on his arms. "Look me in the eye, Neuro, and tell me you could've left them freezing to death in the middle of a storm?" He asked as his dark blue orbs met Neuro's brilliant onyx ones. Neuro sighed, running a hand through his hair. The white and black wings he adorned in his Tengu form flexed and flapped in thought. Even long before he'd come to the castle, it was rare a single dark thought filled his mind or he wished malice on anyone.

The very thought of him leaving two innocents alone to fend for themselves and being able to cope with such a choice was nothing short of laughable.

"No, I couldn't even if I wished to." He sighed, turning his teacup in his hands. Jay slid off the table, and gulped down his cold tea in one gulp, hoping the mixture would ease the stress barraging his mind. Sadly, it did nothing.

"He shouldn't have been so harsh though; if he had only given me two seconds to explain..." The ginger-haired teen muttered as he gripped the table so hard his nails dug into the wood. Rising to his feet, Neuro placed and comforting hand on Jay's shoulder. He knew Jay blamed himself for what happened the previous night and felt guilty.

"I won't deny his decision was and is a dreadful mistake, but you know he has his reasons; he suffers more a day than any of us could ever understand." He said as Jay collapsed in a chair, and crossed his arms.

"Doesn't mean he has to be so harsh!"

"I warned you." Ronin snapped. "Didn't I warn you? I told you he'd react that way!" He exclaimed as he ran his hands through his brown hair and gripped the locks tightly. "What were you thinking, Jay! Bringing them inside is one thing, but what were you thinking! Changing their clothes, letting them sleep on the master's favorite couch, playing with the boy!" He ranted, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Well, excuse me for trying to be hospitable!" Jay retorted. Neuro sighed in annoyance, doing his best to tune out the two boy's argument, if only for his own sake and sanity...

****************

In the other room, Zane had just finished speaking with the castle's seamstresses by the time Nelson burst into the room, wild with excitement. Nelson was a young boy around Lloyd's age with light brown hair combed to the side. He was wearing a purple sweatshirt with white printed on the back and light blue pants. The seamstress was in her true form, a stunning woman with elegant waves of bleached white hair tied in a bun. Her stunning sharp emerald eyes radiated fierce independence but softened when she saw Nelson.

She always had a soft spot for the younger members of the staff.

"Where are you off to in such a rush?" She asked, sweetly.

"Harumi, Zane, you're not gonna believe this!" Nelson practically bounced with excitement. "There's a boy in the castle!"

"We're aware of that, Nelson; he's in the tower with his sister," Zane responded, without taking his eyes off the clipboard.

"Not them, Zane!" Nelson corrected. "There's another boy in the castle! He's here looking for them!"

"Are you sure?" Harumi asked, eyes wide with surprise.

"I'm positive!"

"That's enough, Nelson!" Zane scolded. "We all have work to do including you; no time for stories."

"But Zane—"

"Enough Nelson!" The yeti snapped, but before Zane could say another word, another servant burst into the room with a wide giddy grin. It was a woman with long black hair that was tied back in a tall ponytail with pale, almost grey skin and violet eyes. She wore a dark purple biker outfit. Harumi jumped in surprise at her sudden entrance.

"Ultra Violet! You'll give me a heart attack!" She scolded her wife. Though Harumi and Ultra Violet were the same age, Violet always acted so much younger.

"What is it, Ultra Violet?" Zane asked, sternly, clearly not in the mood for any more surprises since the previous night.

"THERE'S A BOY IN THE CASTLE! AN ACTUAL BOY!" She shrieked, almost bursting with happiness. Harumi's jaw hit the floor. Zane's eyes bulged out of his skull.

"I told you so!" Nelson screamed with a glare and a wide smirk...

****************

Neuro's hand clenched the teacup and plate so hard it almost shattered. He gritted his teeth and closed his eyes in frustration, unable to decide if he should yell at the two arguing boys in front of him or drag them upstairs by their ears.

"I don't care if the Master is being unfair, that's already been established! Fact is you put them in danger!" Ronin accused.

"Well excuse me for trying to be nice!" Jay retorted meeting the man's angry gaze.

"Figures, the first two people to enter this fucking place in a hundred years, and we get them both imprisoned in a tower for the rest of their lives!" The troll snarled as he turned away and started pulling at his hair in frustration. Jay growled in anger. Neuro slammed the cup down on the table.

"Silence the both of you!" He scolded them both, causing both of them to turn their heads. They knew full well of the temper that was hidden behind Neuro's polite and stoic appearance, but it was still a shock when it surfaced. "If you two do not refrain from arguing this very second, so help me God I will—"

"Nya?" An unfamiliar voice suddenly echoed nearby. All three servants froze and bolted towards the source of the voice, their anger was forgotten. A flash of red passed the dining room entrance. Jay and Ronin met eyes before throwing themselves up and gripping the side of the wall. Their eyes widened and their mouths gaped in shock.

"It's a boy!" Jay announced.

"No, ya think?" Ronin retorted, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"What is he doing here?" Neuro asked as he blinked in shock, bewilderment, and worry. A giddy smile crossed Jay's face, and he started bouncing up and down in happiness.

"I knew it! I knew it! Don't you see?" He explained dancing around a bewildered Ronin. "He's the one! The one we've been waiting for! The one who's going to break the spell!"

"Jay, we've been through this, you're optimizing again!" Ronin said extremely patiently and panicked as if he were talking to an insane asylum patient.

"And it's paid off!" Jay beamed before he suddenly bounced before dashing to catch up to their guest.

"Wait a minute! Wait a minute!" Neuro called, then cried out in shock when a purple dash crashed into him and another dove over him.

"Sorry, Neuro!" Nelson apologized over his shoulder. Tox bolted after her smaller friend in her naga form, before transforming back into her own human form without halting in her step. Before Neuro could voice a protest, several gusts of wind bolted past him, sending him to the floor again. The first one came from a small glowing pixie with purple wings and a familiar, giddy grin. She was followed by a stunning woman with long white hair, pointed ears, talons for hands and feet, and jade green feathered wings growing from her arms.

Another fairy and a purple naga followed closely behind her.

"Sorry, Neuro, we're in a rush!" The purple pixie, Ultra Violet, called over her thin, amethyst wings.

"What the hell is going on?" Neuro demanded.

"They're a boy in the castle!" The fairy paused in mid-flight to respond, before following the others. Neuro remained sitting on the floor, his jaw slacked in shock, and his eyes bulged with confusion.

"Has everyone lost their minds?"...

[definegodliness]

The Amish Brothel

When I was young and wild, well, not that much wilder, but definitely plagued by the hormonal discharges that come with adolescence, it happened. No less than five years into my professional masturbation career (I was a natural), I suddenly found myself fed up with the sport. 

Now, you're probably thinking, he did not try hard enough to be a professional jerk-off, but I had tried and brought to fruition the Norwegian Numb Strangler; the Alabama Twister; the Nubian Knob Flopper; the Spanish Sprinkler; yes, the Venezuelan Semi-Flaccid Fold 'n Toss, and even the Japanese Zen Garden Hose, but after five long and hard years none of them could give me the much sought after release of my all-overwhelming horny fornicorny sex on the brain-ness. I believe that is the medical term. But let it go without saying that it was plain and clear to me, I needed to get laid.

Now, how hard could it be for a sixteen year old to get laid; certainly in these days of moral decay? Very hard. You see, I was shy. Very shy. I was so shy that in the presence of the opposite sex I would freeze on the spot. And, as is well known, humans have a basic amphibian visual system: it's attuned to movement. They don't see unmoving things well at all. That's probably the reason why girls never noticed me.

So what I decided then was, that in order to keep my sanity, I needed to lose my virginity. And because I was so shy I realized that the only possible way of reaching this goal was to find a hooker. Which in these days of moral decay seems easy enough. However, it was important to me that she did not live in my home town. You see, I come from a very small town. And in small towns you can't have secrets.

So. Not willing to take any risks, I decided to start my Quest for the Whory Va-jay on the exact opposite side of the globe. But after a couple of days treading water in the Pacific Ocean, just off the New Zealand shore, it started to dawn on me that whores, much like me, were terrestrial beings. 

So I swam back home to once again grab my globe, and now, making a concession, find the place that was exactly halfway between me and the exact opposite of the globe. I spun it 'round and blindly stopped it with my finger. It had landed on Pennsylvania, Ohio. I booked a flight immediately. 

Long story short, I soon arrived in an Amish town by horse carriage.

Short story long again:

Now this might come as a surprise, but The Amish Brothel was surprisingly easy to find. Not because of any brightly red glowing neon lettering, of course, but because I had arrived in a very small town. Furthermore, the brothel was secret. And in small towns you can't have secrets.

The Amish Brothel was at the back of a bar facing the town’s church, as bars are often situated facing a church, and semi-legal brothels are often situated at the back of bars. In this we might see the duality of man. But that’s food for philosophers. Not for horny sixteen year olds who’ve traveled a quarter across the globe trying to covertly get sum. 

Anyway, I went inside with a fistful of sweaty dollars, and let my eyes adjust to the dimly lit quarters. Inside, there was a strange atmosphere. First of all it was dead silent, and the people inside seemed to roam about aimlessly trying not to come in contact with each other. The way they moved through the room reminded me of a wind up waddling penguin toy I once had. Strange. However, I swiftly deducted the only logical explanation would be that they were shunning each other. 

As by now you might have guessed, I am a man of logic. 

There were three women standing in the center of the room, holding a candle. I reckoned these were the nightly ladies I had come for.

So I made my way through the waddling crowd, and, believe it or not, the first thing I noticed about my potential defloweration candidates were their wrists. Wrists, that I've later been told were called the perfect 'butter churning wrists'. They were big. Very big. They were so big that one of them actually wore a belt as a bracelet. I knew it was a belt, because I had bought the exact same belt in the tax-free shop at the airport. 

It had a big ol' buckle with the inscription: Big Ol' Buckle.

I knew very little of America at the time. I was just trying to fit in. And when I thought of America I thought of blue jeans, belt buckles, boots, and cowboy hats. You can blame TV for that if the image isn’t fitting.

Anyway, while I was sizing up my potential defloweration candidates I noticed the Amish prefer different qualities in women than I, modern day degenerate, do. The three women did not expose much skin, but the skin that was exposed was rough and calloused. Never before had I seen backs of hands that were calloused. I didn't know it was possible. Suppose it shows how much you can actually achieve when you work hard.

To continue the description of the hookers, it appeared to me they had broad shoulders, in any case much broader than mine. And their large, painstakingly developed trapezius muscles made them hunch over a little like France's most famous bellringer. Each of the three stood little under five feet tall, with hips little under five feet wide, and on sturdy, stubby legs with large all-terrain feet. 

Indeed, these were women at peak Amish performance. 

I could see that much, despite our cultural differences. And though I personally did not see the appeal, I could understand it.

Initially their faces, locked in that typical deep creased crinkled frown you see developed in people who are convinced we are here on earth to suffer, came across a little hostile to me. And for a second I doubted the good of my whole endeavor. But I had come all this way with a mission. Surely a couple of minutes of eyes closed defloweration was worth my salvation. It was settled.

I took a deep breath and walked up to the middle hooker, the one with the Big Ol' Buckle bracelet, seeing the two of us at least had some common ground to start off with. Yet as I, in my best English, complimented her on her smashing bracelet, and then nervously, half under my breath, muttered: "How much to fuck?", all I got was a vacant stare. 

I reckoned I didn't speak loudly enough. Too nervous. So I took another deep breath, and then, admittedly a bit brash and far too loudly, repeated the question: "How much to fuck?!"

What happened then I can only describe as a Hive Minded Synchronized Telekinetic Charge on my person. As all the waddling penguins in the room instantly and simultaneously turned to face me in intense disapproval. I could not move or resist as I felt myself slowly getting pushed to the exit. It was like a barraging conjoined aura. An invisible force field shooing me. 

Later I learned that what I experienced that night in the Amish brothel was nothing other than The Full Power of Shun.

(Source: The Art Of Chores, by Pennsylvanian writer Shun Shoo. A good book, you should read it. Once you take the knowledge in that book metaphorically, its wisdom is still very much applicable today.)

After feeling The Full Power of Shun, I realized that Amish brothels don't work the same way as ordinary brothels do. The kick they get out of it lies in the test of will they subject themselves too. To come eye to eye with the greatest sinful seduction, and persevere, yet in that perseverance feel no pride. To stay unmoved in most rousing circumstances. The Amish find it important to stay unmoved, and soon I'd find out why. Not all too soon though.

First, I made my way out of town, disillusioned, feeling frustrated and lonely, and only guided by the light of the stars and the full moon, but that was also when it happened:

I heard a sharp 'pssst!' coming from within the shades in between two houses. Then, as I turned my head inquiringly, I saw the flashing pale of a bare ankle's skin. I don't know if it was due to me in my depraved deprivedness witnessing a woman's bare skin, or rather because of my body's instinctive preparation in anticipation of sex, but hot blood surged to my loins, so much that I could only follow the boner. I had found her. The town harlot.

Now, if you're from the city you probably don't know this, but it's a well known secret that every small town has one (1) town harlot. These mystical beings do not appear to the locals, who in fact haven't the slightest idea of any aphrodisiacal apparition living among them, but on full moon nights, when the timing is just right, they present their physical manifestation to other small town folk, visiting. So goes the legend.

She took me inside via the back door, then floated upstairs to her bedroom. And I, dragged forward by the tent in my pants, followed after in ascension. Bumpily gliding over the stairs with just the tips of my two shoes. When I entered her room she was already lying on the bed, half-sunken in the soft mattress. Fully clothed and thereby covered, except for her ankles. 

Oh, great seductress.

Without moving much, or even looking at me, she curved her index finger to beckon me on the bed. And without any hesitation, I jumped on. Like a wild animal. Like a being of pure instinct, heart thumping in my throat. I might have even growled when I started attacking the layers of fabric that still hid the soppy pink treasure trove of lovin' that would change the boy I was in the man I would be. It went as follows:

Apron, dress, skirt, underskirt, underskirt, underskirt, underskirt, skirt, dress, cape, fuck there's the mattress, cape, dress, skirt, underskirt, underskirt. 

Long-johns! 

Hers were tied up with a thick beige string, laced in a bow tie, which I fumblingly undid with trembling hands. Then, spreading the two now loosened pieces of fabric open. Finally. The plain white slip. 

Carefully, I pulled it aside with two fingers and witnessed the fiery red version of what I had grown to do The Japanese Zen Garden Hose. It all seemed so long ago. 'Let bygones be bygones', I thought to myself, as I lunged forward into my very first woman, and thereby into the bright star spangled future. 

Or so I thought. 

Cause at the very second of my second thrust, she gasped and exclaimed: 

"No, no, no, stop! What are you doing? Haven't you ever had sex before?"

I, frozen in position, stuttered that I hadn't.

"We need to lie perfectly still, else God will see us. You got that? Lie perfectly still."

And I, greener than the grass of the English Royal Garden on the first bright spring day in May after many many showers, complied. Lying perfectly still upon and within the harlot of whom I did not even have a name. 

Lucky for me, she was very soft. And, also lucky for me, I had frozen up in a very comfortable position. In fact, I was so comfortable that it took only a couple of seconds for me to fall into a deep sleep.

That night I dreamt of God. 

I was sitting on a stool in the bar that in its back hid the Amish brothel, when I heard a deep echoing voice resonating through my brain.

"Do you want a handjob?"

Surprised, I looked over to the side, inspecting the silvery haired man sitting next to me. There was no one else at the bar, so I just said: 

"Excuse me?"

"Do you want a handjob?” He smiled comfortingly. “I noticed you are lonely. I get lonely too sometimes. Handjobs help then. If it’s any consolation, it isn’t all that different from a Norwegian Numb Strangler."

He was right, of course. I was lonely. And, in all honesty, a Slipside-reversed Numb Strangler didn’t seem so bad. Even if it wasn’t a proper Norwegian one. But in the end I did politely decline, and silence fell for a short while, until I cleared my throat to ask the big question:

"Are you God?"

"It's you that say I am."

"Then you are. How peculiar, I was just thinking about you today. Is it true you can't see people... ya know..."

Here, I made a gesture by repetitively penetrating a circle made by the thumb and index finger of my left hand with the outstretched index finger of my right hand. In some cultures this gesture is considered vulgar.

"Fucking", God interrupted.

"Yes... fucking... when those people lie perfectly still?", I completed my question.

"Ah, my child, yes. That is true. You see I have a basic amphibian visual system: it's attuned to movement. I don't see unmoving things well at all."

"Ah, like humans."

"Made in my image."

I don't know about you, but everything started making incredible sense to me at that point. Even more so, I started to like the guy. He seemed like a pretty honest and straightforward chap. That's why I empathized, remembering the little sentence he dropped priorly. Which I had so rudely ignored.

"You said you get lonely too sometimes."

"That is true. These days it happens oh, so rarely that people see me. In fact, you are the first one in hundreds of years. To be honest, it really makes me doubt myself. I worry..."

"Hey now, come on, God. You seem like a good guy. There must be a logical explanation for all of this. Something we're just not seeing."

At that time the irony of my statement still eluded me.

I took a big gulp of the whisky that had been standing in front of me, and looked to the side observing the still, silvery figure next to me. He looked absolutely dejected. But then it hit me:

"Do you move around all that much?"

"I am omnipresent."

"Well there's your problem. If your everything is everywhere at any given time, how can you create the movement needed for our basic amphibian visual system to see you.” I gulped down the rest of the whisky. “Can't you be less present? Like, semi-omnipresent. Half... omni... present?"

"Alas, no. That I cannot be. For if I'd be anything other than omnipresent, I'd be subject to the laws of relativity. Then, there is always a bigger fish. Probably by my own making, but, you know, it's like Greek Mythology states: 'The son always overthrows his father'. 

He paused. Then started jabbering:

“T- that's always been the rule. I mean, I found a loophole, but..." 

God stared in his glass pensively. Then, as awoken from a daydream, suddenly sat upright, speaking clear again: 

"No, any other existence cannot be. I cannot allow myself to get in such a predicament."

"Aren't you all-powerful as well; how can anything that is created by you, and therefore is you, be more powerful than you?"

"I am a man of many paradoxes."

"Same."

I tapped on the rim of my empty whisky glass for a while, thinking about omnipresence. Trying to find an easy fix. But all I could think about is how omnipresence and non-existence are two different words used to describe the exact same phenomenon, limited by the vocabulary containing our understanding of the world and the ever-expanding universe around us. 

I thought about our amphibian visual system, and wondered what else we can’t really see that is there. Or could be. Or...

“Hey, wait a minute, why can I see you?

I looked at God inquiringly. God, with his kind smile. He nodded at me.

"It's time for you to wake up."

With that I opened my eyes. It was morning, and never had I awoken so well rested. I pulled my shriveled, flaccid penis out of the now cork dry crevice of once meat marinating mind-boggling pleasure, and heard the harlot whisper: "Best sex I ever had." I took her word for it, after all, she was a harlot, and harlots are like experienced pros when it comes to the game of fleshy be-bop-a-lula. 

As a matter of fact, I am proud to say that I have become quite an MVP in this game as well. No one lies stiller than I, and these days I can stay awake for a solid two minutes. I leave girls in such ecstasy they do not dare to lay with me twice, afraid to be maddened by the mind, body, and soul shattering sensation of unrivaled pleasure. 

I promise I am wielding this power responsibly.

Of course, at the time I had no clue what a stud I had become that day. All that mattered was that I lost my virginity (does it count when you don't cum? It does count, doesn't it? Anyway), I was a man now. And as a man I strutted back into my small town village. Straight back, head upright. All would behold my manly stride. And all did, until Hank the bicycle repair guy cupped his hands in front of his mouth like a makeshift megaphone and shouted: 

"Hey Bozo, how was the Amish brothel?!" 

I hate living in a small village. You can't have any secrets.

---

21-12-2019, M.A. Tempels ©

[edengate5]

She Wolf 4

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4

There is no way, no how I am doing this! We really don't need the radio waves, do we? Ugh! Fuck, we do. I need to do this. It is just a few ladders up, to get the switch on. This would help Dutch out, get him in touch with people who would eventually help me out.

"You sure I can't persuade you to go up instead, Jim bo," I ask, looking at the high reaching radio tower. After our lunch, we take a small hike down to the radio tower, destroying another shrine on our way here. I thought the switch would be in the office, but nope. Dutch informs me, its on the tower. High above. At the tippy top. Fuck me.

"You got money to pay me, Deputy? I know you save me and all, but there are somethings that aren't free," Jim said, refusing to help little old me. I scoff in annoyance. I hate heights. I really hate heights. I hate flying too. Shayna was surprise to hear that I drove for hours on end just to get here. There is no force on this earth that's going to make me get on an airplane. Well maybe my job, but nothing else.

I sigh, knowing I am losing time here. I salute Jim.

"It's been nice knowing you, Jim. I know you need to get back to your family," I inform him, since he is not going up this thing. He nods and says his goodbyes. I thank him for helping me with the station and another shrine we just hit.

"You got this. One step at a time," I mumble to myself as I go up the ladder. Once I hit a platform, I crawl to the ladder and slowly get up. The first platform is okay for me, but once I hit the second platform, fear made me its prey. I didn't want to do this. My fingers grab onto the grate of the platform, trembling at how high I am. This is too far high. I might fall and break my neck, or worse. DEATH!

I let a whimpering, closing my eyes. Creaking trees and the breeze, my nerves are on high alert. This is completely bull shit. Come on, Rhea. Get angry! You need to hurry up, but this pep talk is not helping.

"Hey, Rook. I know what you're thinking and no I ain't gonna have you climbing towers all over the county for me, so don't worry…..also try not to fall from up there."

I choke on a sob, not wanting to be there at all.I wipe my tears away and look up. I have one more platform to go. I can do this. I let go of the grate of my death grip and pull myself up with the ladder. One step at a time.

Four.

  Oh Shit! It's moving. ITS MOVING!

    Three.

  Two…...One. Finally, I reach the lever, my body shaking as if I'm walking on a wobbly bridge. I hear it turn on, hopefully Dutch has -

"Hey Deputy. I'm getting a stronger signal now. Head back to the bunker. The fog should be clearing soon by tomorrow, which means we can get you off this island and start helping people in Hope County," Dutch radios in. Clutching to the wires and not caring how dangerous it is, I un-clip my radio and respond to him. It would be dark soon, so it is better to head back and start early tomorrow.

"Deputy here. Coming back asap," I said, getting down from there. I take my time getting down, before jumping the last two steps. Never again! I really don't like heights. I look around the tower, hoping to loot somethings. I find nothing and make my way towards the bunker.

"Oh shit...Deputy, get here fast. I'm pickin' up something new outta Holland Valley. It's a broadcast from John...You need to see this." Dutch said, worrying me. This can't be good. It's probably some sick thing of getting the sinner and protecting Eden's gate thing.

Walking down the path, I don't rush to the bunk. I have little food in my stomach to go wasting one end of the island. I past the station, seeing the civilians, cleaning up the place. I wave at them, going on my merry way. They wave back before going out of sight.

I hope everything would fall into place. Wishful thinking, I know it's going to be nothing but hell for me. When I get my hands on Joseph, I'm going to tear him apart. He should know his place.

Nearing the bunker, I smell around, seeing if someone is following me. Just in case, they knew about the cameras around here. I try to open the door, seeing it is open. I bet Dutch knew I was close by. I close and lock it behind me, before descending down. I already know Dutch would be in his red room, gathering information. I enter it, setting my bag on the table. Dutch is writing down something before putting it on the board. He looks at me with pity?

"Take a seat, Deputy," Dutch said, showing me the way. My eyebrows furrow. What's going on? I take a seat and he raise the volume up to this broadcast.

At first, it was static coming through before it starts. It is a very close up of someone wearing a blue pattern shirt. They turn around and its John 's picture of him did not do him justice. What strikes me the most are his baby blue eyes, reminding me of blue jays flying around winter. What a handsome guy he is. For a moment, I thought he and I could talk this out.

"We are all sinners. Every one of us."

Welp. There goes that plan. He fuck it up by opening his mouth. I mean he is a good looking guy, but horrible personality I can tell. I mean what is with his broadcast. It's like a late night infomercial during Toonami. Not important and lame. Oh god it even has background music.

"You. Me. Even the Father knows deeply of sin. It's a poison that clouds the mind,"

…...Fuck he is good.I need to be careful with this one. Unlike his brother Joseph, John hasn't lost his sanity just yet. His morals maybe. He is a bitch. A smart bitch, who uses the system to hijack that child's support money from the baby daddy.

"What if I told you, you can be free of sin? What if I told you that everything you ever dreamed could come true? What if I told you that everything could be overcome if you embrace an idea,"

John is selling everything and giving me used car salesman tactics realness up in here. I mean this is pretty good for being amateur productions. Hell even the homeless looking Peggies are selling it. The camera gives me another angle and I get a glimpse of my partner. Joey Hudson. Tied up and duct taped.

I grip onto the arms of the chair, and really study this broadcast, learning who is there, hopefully where it is, how does John acts and anything Joey might give me.

"Come on partner. Give me some Morse code. Anything," I whisper out loud.

"That freedom from sin can come from the power of just one word…" John raises his hands, the camera panning out to the word YES. People were clapping and cheering or is it a recording? My gasp as not only Hudson was brought out, but my sister. My poor, out of it sister.

Both of them look like they were drag through the mud, and the fear etching itself onto their face. Hudson looks like she put up some fight until she couldn't fight anymore. Her mascara running as if she was crying for hours on end. Sigh…..I told her to buy the waterproof one, but noooooo she had to go cheap.

My sister seams out of it. Like a twink of the deep end. Her head has bandages around it, blood staining it. Black hair sticking out like a madwoman, and her hazel eyes out of focus. Her skin looks like an ashy brown color. She can barely walk let alone stand by herself. A head injury, which explains the cut off connections. I let out a sigh of relief though. They look like their injuries are being taken care of. For now.

"Yes, I am a sinner. Yes I wish to be unburdened. Yes...I must be redeemed. If you are watching this, know that you have been selected. You will be cleansed. You will confess your sins, and you will be offered atonement."

"Sick fuck," Dutch harshly whispers, stepping away. He starts to pace around the room while I watch the rest.

"Don't worry you don't have to do anything. We'll come for you...Welcome to Eden's Gate."

I have a death grip on the chair, watching my helpless sister like that. John Seed. You really fuck with the wrong family. I decided to go after him as I see him close his hands around my sister's neck.

"Sorry, Dep. It seems that John has your partner and your little sister," he said. I let out a small laugh. A lot of people confuse me as the big sister because of our size.

"John Seed has my big sister, Dutch. Tomorrow, I will give him my answer. I'm going to burn his whole operation to the ground, then I'm going to kill him like the animal he is," I snarl at the end. Dutch doesn't say anything, doesn't show any emotion at all.

I take a few breaths in and out. My whole body just wants to run out there and save my Beta. My sister, but I know better. I need to plan it out. The T.V goes back to the commercial again. This is the only thing I have into getting information on him. Slowly, I start to grin, a smile covering half of my face.

"This is perfect!" I exclaim, holding the T.V for a bit. I look at Dutch and he is confused like a teen girl with her period for the first time.

"I need paper and something to write," I ask of him. He goes over to a drawer and gives me the stuff I need. I go back on the chair, sitting Indian style and watching the broadcast over and over again.

"You aren't going to watch this over and-"

"Yes. Don't you see!. With this, I can see how he acts, what he wants everyone to believe in, his mannerism. This broadcast will ruin him. With my B.A in Criminology and Masters in Psychology, I am going to analyze this to the minuscule of details," I said, not letting my eyes leave the screen. Dutch mutters something and leaves me here.

With every rerun, I write something done, writing everything that comes to mind. Ignoring Dutch, I continue to watch this over and over again.

Dutch left for a while, probably to relax and away from hearing John's voice over and over again. He comes in with some type of soup and crackers at first. I devour it, not tasting how bland it is.

I quickly write down more as I look around the background of the video. The Peggies seem new, not used to carrying a gun. Some of them even have their fingers on the trigger, which means they don't have training in gun's safety. Hell their stance are shit too. Now, I'm only focusing on him and him alone.

Dutch sets another meal in front of me. This time fish with some canned peas and corn.

"I think that's enough, Deputy. It's already ten p.m. Take a rest and start fresh tomorrow," Dutch kindly said to me. I go over and lower the volume to silence the broadcast and deeply sigh. He is right. I need a long deep sleep to get my body it's time to fully rest.

"Yea. I'll head to one of the spare cots you have and thank you for the meal. Is it okay to bounce off ideas, Dutch? I have some theories," I mumble the last part. I brush my hair back behind my ear to see his surprises.

"Sure. Lay it on me," he said, taking a crate to sit on. I stretch my legs, getting the flow of blood in them before taking my list from the desk.

"So I notice some things: One: His Peggies do not have any gun training. Two: He was an abused victim or has a kink with self mutilation. I see that he had a scar on his chest with blood still visibly there. Which leads me to believe to Three:" I rant, stopping to put some food in my mouth. I wipe my mouth to continue.

"Three: He gets off with hurting people, playing with people's lives and being the one to save them like his brother save him," I ended with that. I look up to see that Dutch is impress with my find.

"And ya find that all with just his broadcast. While I be damn, we might have hope to take back the whole county," Dutch compliments me. I flip my hair back and relish in the praise.

"Aww thanks. I'm still paying those student loans though," I said, reminding myself about how much in debt I'm already in. Dutch lets out a chuckle.

"Well, when this is over, I will personally help you out-"

"It's about 98,600 dollars loan, Dutch" I cut him off. His jaw drops and curses.

"Yep, but look at the uses of those degrees. Taking out a cult in Montana,saving people lives and shit," I said, finishing my meal.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Dutch," I said, picking up my plate. He says his goodnight and I place the dirty plate in the sink. I'll clean up tomorrow. I head to the room with the bunk beds in them. I take off my shoes and just lay on it. I finally know where my sister is. Soon, Shayna. I'm coming for you. Soon, I'll change and rip his throat out and paint the walls red with his blood. He will see the monster we truly are and we shall devour him.

[jaybeartodd]

Never Give Up On Us

Request: 16 !!!            

Prompt: I never meant to hurt you. 

A/N: I really enjoyed this one but I am also sick so could be delusional :) Thanks for the request and lots of love <3 (also highly recommend listening to i Follow You by Toulouse because it pretty much sums this up)

Jason’s flashbacks were not often triggered and always varied in magnitude. Sometimes he would simply shake his head and retreat outside for fresh air. Other times he would become reckless on missions. Never had they been turned against you. 

This did not stop him from worrying about it. His death took just about every bit of sanity he ever had and it took a long time for him to be comfortable with bringing something so precious into his dark world. Not that he could have stopped you with that excuse. You have a tendency to meet his self-doubts with an iron fist and he has slowly found himself molding his self-image to your positive outlook. He has also unwittingly found himself slipping into a comfortable place in your relationship as time and time again you remain steady at his side. But he will throw that all out of the window if it means you don’t get hurt. 

“Jay?” you whisper as you enter your apartment. The lights are off so you stumble around with sagging shoulders and sore feet. After shedding a few layers of winter clothes, you finally find your bedroom and immediately slip off your shoes. You blink your eyes a few times to adjust them and can vaguely make out Jay’s ridiculously long body splayed on the bed awkwardly. 

You can tell he was trying to stay awake for you but it being his first night off in awhile, he fell fast asleep.

“Ha, I told you you’d fall asleep, you dork,” you taunt in a hushed voice. You tiptoe over to his side to grab one of his shirts on the dresser. You reach up but misjudge where the other objects are and a frame crashes down onto the nightstand next to his bed sending another object flying at Jay.

Everything then happens in a blur. Jason shoots up from the bed and is on his feet so suddenly you think you imagined it.

“Jason, I’m so sorry-” you start to say but are silenced by a growl erupting from his throat. You back up instinctively and his hands shoot out lightning fast to wrap around your throat.

You pull uselessly at his grasp as he backs you against the wall.

“Jay-” you croak out struggling for air. A streetlamp outside reflects off his face and for the first time ever, you do not recognize your boyfriend. His eyes are glassy and you immediately realize he is stuck in a flashback.

“Jay-please-” you wheeze but his face remains hardened. Dots speckle your vision and your struggles become weakened. Your hand gently strokes his cheek before falling limp at your side.

Your caress snaps something within him and he stumbles backwards causing you to slump to the floor. You look through teary eyes to find that the haze in is gone. And it is replaced with a deeply-rooted guilt.

“Y/N? Oh my-” he stoops down and gently grabs your face as you choke on the newfound oxygen. 

“I’m-fine-” you reassure him hoarsely between coughs.

His hands shake as he hovers over you, at a complete loss as to what to do to fix this.

“Y/N, I-I am so,” his eyes sting with tears and he backs away. You shake your head trying to calm him down but struggling to speak.

“I-I can’t do this to you. I’m so sorry,” he whispers and darts out of the room.

“Jay!” you squeak trying to stop him but he runs straight for the door. You jump at the sound of it slamming shut behind him.

You gently rub your neck, wincing slightly at the already forming bruises. It does not hurt nearly as bad as watching Jay build another wall within him that you both had worked so hard to break so he could find real happiness in your relationship. 

You sigh and stand up determinately. Without a second thought, you dress in several layers and walk outside to get your Jay back. 

You found him a couple of blocks down leaning against a wall as the snow falls softly down on him. His head is sunk low, his jaw clenched tight and his fingers keep extending as if he is trying to grasp something before closing sharply. You can tell he has been in this situation for a while by the pile of snow collected on his head and shoulders.

“Jay,” you call in a small voice, slightly panting from lugging around his coat and other winter essentials he seemed to have forgotten. He ignores you causing you to let out a frustrated sigh.

“Jason Peter Todd,” you yell sternly, dropping his clothes in a heap in front of him. His head snaps up and you wince at the redness still staining his eyes.

“If you are going to leave in a dramatic tantrum, you might as well dress properly,” you scold and pick up his coat. He eyes it solemnly and takes it from your hands.

“Y/N-” he starts but you shush him.

“No, save the self-deprecating thoughts for later. I want to show you something,” you order. He regards you curiously and you yank the coat from his grasp and place it around his shoulders. He rolls his eyes and shrugs it on. You pick up his scarf and wrap it around his neck and then reach on your tiptoes to place a wool hat on his head. 

Before you lower back down, you place a tender kiss on his lips. He returns it hesitantly before pulling you away.

“Y/N, I’m serious-” he softly protests with a shaky voice.

“Come on,” you beckon, standing away from him, willing to give him any space he deems necessary.

He takes in your chapped cheeks and bright Y/E/C eyes with a slight pang. His eyes linger to your neck which is covered by a scarf but he knows evidence of his shortcomings are there.

“Just, please. Trust me, Jay,” you plead once more. He nods his head slowly and you grab his hand to lead him down the street.

“This is where my life changed for the best,” you announce throwing your hands out. His hands sink into his pockets and he raises his eyebrows in question.

“At a fast-food chain restaurant?” he inquires incredulously. You nod your head and beam at him.

“Uh-huh, wanna know why?” you nudge him with your elbow and he can’t help but smile.

“Hit me.”

“It marks the spot of the first time I was ever saved by the infamous Red Hood,” you reveal, watching the building, eerily void of any customers due to the late hour.

He turns his head towards you and scrunches his eyebrows in curiousity.

“Wait, what?” 

You bob your head and smile softly at the memory. 

“Yeah, a couple of low-grade thugs tried robbing the place while I was devouring a greasy burger. They had guns, with every intention of shooting the witnesses once one of the idiots got their masks ripped off. That’s when my favorite red-hooded vigilante swooped down and saved the day.”

He looks at the ground pensively.

“I remember that. You never told me you were there?” He kicks the ground lightly, making a senseless pattern in the snow.

“No, I didn’t because I was too embarrassed to admit that it was also the day I picked up a giant crush for the red brute.”

He chuckles softly and looks at you bemusedly. Then his face falls back down to its previous state.

“Y/N, this doesn’t change anything. I can’t be the one putting you in danger. You don’t deserve this,” he states seriously. You blow out a frosty breath and watch as it trickles down.

“You are right, I don’t.”

He flinches and his jaw ticks rapidly.

“I also did not deserve to get attacked that day in the restaurant either. And you stopped that,” you step closer to him but he remains looking at the ground, “I probably don’t deserve half the shit thrown at me but you know what helps me through that.”

You tenderly grab his hand and he lifts his gaze towards you.

“Getting to come home to my sweet, hurting, dork of a boyfriend,” you whisper and his breath hitches.

“And you definitely did not deserve to die or get tortured or go through the hell of being resurrected or be cursed with these self-doubts and regrets or have the safety of this city resting on your shoulders or-” he cuts you off with his lips pressed hard against yours.

His cold fingers hold on desperately to your cheeks while yours wind their way beneath his hat into his dark locks.

He pulls away just an inch and your breaths mingle between your faces.

“I never meant to hurt you,” he whispers and his face contorts in emotion. You place your head against his chest, his heartbeat loud in your ears, and wrap your arms around his torso. He follows suit and buries his face in your shoulder.

“I know, Jay. I am as sure of that as I am that I will never give up on you...on us.” 

He squeezes you tighter to him and releases a sigh of relief he had been holding since he stormed from your apartment.

You clutch tight to his arm stealing all of the body heat you can from him as you both walk back to your apartment.

“So the most important question is; What was the most attractive quality about me when I saved you? Was it the tight pants? Insane marksman abilities? Or was it the charming personality?” he teases. You playfully shove him in mock annoyance when in actuality you are ecstatic to see him back to his smartass self.

“It was definitely the fact that you saved my delicious burger,” you hum in remembrance and he laughs incredulously.

“You definitely did not return to eating it after almost getting shot over it,” he challenges.

“I most certainly did, babe. Tasted like second chances and processed meat,” You press your cheek against his arm reveling in the sound of his laughter echoing down the street. 

Permanent Taglist: @korindrs @alohabucky @sarcasmismyfirstlove @mad-hatter-has-nothing-on-me @russian-potatoes @prancingdestiel @amnahs9695 @cattwomannn @ashleey-oakes @stardustwxnder @floraidha @littleasexualtree @hyp-oh-critical @jetblackrevival @milkywayheartcupcake @hisaeanzu @natasha-potato-lover @frida-marie @jaybirdxarsenal

[coreytravelogue]

February 21, 2021 - Burnaby, BC

New day, new year but the same old pandemic which means no travel for me or anyone unless you are a politician but that is another story. Not going to lie I felt like 2021 was going to be a much better year for me and it could still very well turn out to be but it hasn’t started very well that is for sure. I think the stresses of the past few years but mainly 2020 have started to boil over for me to where I feel like I am reverting back to my old messed up self because of it and I absolutely hate it.

However this blog is not for ordinary diary stuff that is what my actual diary is for. This blog is mainly for adventures and self reflection of places. Since I have no real places to go I guess this sort of update would have to do. I am moving out of my residence of the last 9 years on Friday. It has been long over due but my actions over the past month have led to this happening. Long story short I got fed up with our asshole room mate and his constant passive aggression towards me and my girlfriend that I essentially blew up on him. The house has been a preverbial eggshell ever since. Thankfully unless something happens me and my girlfriend will be done with this fucking house in 5 days.

With that said 9 years......never realized I was here for that long time I really thought about it. A lot of things have changed in my life during this time and the room I am laying in at least played a part in it.

In 2012 I was living in an apartment I could not afford, I took the apartment originally because I wanted to live by myself and I felt that the OT I normally did at work would offset costs. Sadly that did not happen, I was losing money, rent was going up and it was obvious I needed to leave and find a place where I could save money and find a way out of my shit life at this point. Also I was painfully lonely and missed having room mates. Up to this point I had fairly good luck with room mates. That would all change of course.

One of my coworkers rented out the basement portion of his house very cheap and so I took it. Honestly I didn’t really look at it as well as I should have. I knew the bathroom was worn down and disgusting but I thought I could deal with it since I showered at work most of the time anyway, the room itself seemed ok too as well but at the end of the day it was hella cheap and I felt like this was only temporary anyway.

I remember the day and night I moved in as if it was only last year. My room was covered in boxes, I had no idea how I was going to unpack everything and get it all to fit into the room but the thing was the house was fucking freezing. I could not understand how a full house like this could not have heating. So I took out my heater, plugged it in and tried to sleep on my futon I wasn’t able to full build due to it being late and so fucking cold (it was February). Within one hour the power went out in my room, the heater blew the fuse. I soon came to realize that this house had shitty electric o n top of next to no heating. That night I wondered what the fuck I had just done moving into this shit house, have I just made a mistake?

The next day I felt like I may as well make the best of it. The kitchen was fucking filthy just like the shower and I decided to clean both. Next was the fridge, the rules of the fridge in every other place I lived was first come first serve but don’t be an asshole and monopolize space. So I re arranged everything and thought I did everyone a solid. 20 minutes later someone left a note saying don’t move shit and marked with felt pen in the fridge which areas belonged to who. I felt bad but at that moment I felt like it was a bit fucking much to ruin the fridge when all one could have done was knock on my door and just said hey don’t do that. This was my introduction to Luis, aka poop face aka man child aka asshole.

So I decided to do a solid for everyone and clean up the fridge because it was fucking gross, as he passed by I asked him why the fridge was looking so gross and why mark up the fridge. Instead of striking a conversation or explaining himself he used the no English card and walked away. At the time I thought ok he doesn’t speak English (yet he can write it fine I suppose) and just cleaned the fridge. Not long after I found out he could speak English he just doesn’t like talking to people. So within the span of the week I discovered that not only is he lazy but an asshole.

For the next few years I would be the only one cleaning this house full of men who didn’t want to give a shit about each other and wanted their own privacy. Honestly I let a lot of shit slide with him simply because he gave me just that, privacy. When my friend Tara moved in it was like a breath of fresh air, someone who could share in the cleaning duties and someone to hang out with. The next 5 years were much better but not without its issues.

See this house is breaking down and has been breaking down for years. One year we had to reveal the bathroom because water was rotting the walls ont he other side. Mould growth all over the bathroom we had to keep at bay and still do, kitchen countertop breaking apart, fruit flies and so on but me and Tara took care of that and Luis stayed the fuck away.

However since my girlfriend moved in he has turned into an asshole thinking we have impeded on his property and his privacy. Prior to my girlfriend here you would barely ever hear him or know he was there. Now whenever he is at home he has his tv on loud with the door open and sprays putrid axe spray right before he leaves. He has tried to steal shelf space and has pushed my girlffriend away from the sink onetime because she needed to clean three dishes so last month’s blow up on him was long stirring.

I can’t wait to leave this place but with that said I have been here for 9 years and while there have been mostly bad memories there have still been memories in this house. Tara filling my room with balloons celebrating my birthday when I came back from Europe. Having picnics in the back yard watching blue jays.

All things considered this house provided me with a place to stay and a place where I could get my shit back on track. Now at this point I need to leave to keep my sanity but all things considered this house did provide me with a way back financially. However where I am moving to is far more expensive but I will have privacy again and be able to heal my mental health again. I need to start taking better care of myself now going forward as people around me are starting to realize that I am struggling now. I do not know if this new apartment will help me that much. It will help in that we will finally have a clean place to live away from an asshole room mate and the dangers of living in a mouldy house that is one electrical fire away from burning down.

2021 doesn’t look like it will be a year where I could travel but I have a feeling there will be a few more changes in my life happening this year, many I probably won’t like but changes nonetheless. I only hope I can get through them with my sanity intact, I do not know. Till the next change in my life shazbot nanu nanu.

[caroline18mars]

Into the night - Chapter 103

After Jared's orgasm, Jordan surfaced again and nestled herself in his welcoming arm for a second “that was phenomenal if I do say so myself” she grinned as she pushed her lips against his warm chest and let her fingers play with the hardly visible dots of chesthair. “You won't get any argument from me there, phenomenal wouldn't do what you just did justice” he kissed the top of her head and pulled her even closer “you are phenomenal and I love you so much” he didn't want this to end but she was getting restless again “hey..hey, were are you going? What is it?” he physically felt an emptiness when she pushed herself up and sat up on the edge of the bed. “Nothing, I promise, I forgot to take my pills so I'm just gonna get myself some water, do you want anything?” she looked over her shoulder and gave him a loving smile to put his mind at ease, “no, I'm good, just hurry back, ok?” he shook his head, running his hand over her bare back before she put on her silk robe and walked out of the bedroom. Ten minutes later, she still hadn't come back and he was getting restless himself so he got up as well and went searching for her, only to find her at the kitchen table scrolling through the messages on her phone, “should I be getting worried? I really hope that's not some secret lover sending you messages in the middle of the night? “ Jared came strolling up to her. “What?” her head shot up “no, no of course not! I hate to burst your bubble but I'll never be that LA or Hollywood, besides  how the hell do you expect me to have another man on the side, when I've more than already got my hands full with you” she pulled him between her legs so she could rest her cheek against his stomach “I love you too”. Jared smiled looking down and slowly caressed her hair “I know you do, and I'm glad you're not Hollywood or LA”, Jordan sighed a little and closed her eyes “that was Per, by the way, he keeps asking if he can come back tomorrow..”. Jared rolled his eyes hearing that name again “oh babe, I don't know..” he grumbled, he couldn't stand the sight of that man anymore, but it was her decision, not his. “He seems really sorry..I dunno..but doesn't everybody deserve a second chance?” her cheek disconnected from his stomach to look at her phone again, “you're too good for this world, you know that?” he suddenly leaned forward and she squealed as he scooped her up in his arms “anyway, I don't want to talk about him right now, especially when we could be doing far more interesting things”. Jordan put her arms around his neck as he carried her out of the kitchen and pushed her lips against his throat, softly biting his flesh while he carried her up the stairs and back into his bedroom. “I finally got you where I want you” he put her on the mattress and crawled over her, grinning against her lips after a series of hungry kisses, “Oh my Mr. Leto, you do seem to be ready for round two” she giggled in his ear as she felt him lower himself between her parting legs and his still covered hardness slowly grinded against her warm entrance. “Uh-uh” he murmured between her breasts, kissing and licking every piece of skin that got uncovered as he slowly untied her robe until she lay completely naked underneath him.

His mouth latched onto one of her nipples and she arched her back to meet the bliss he was giving her while his hand was squeezing and kneading its' way down her body until it stilled and covered the triangle at the apex of her thighs. A little sharp sigh of anticipation escaped her lips as a finger lazily ran over her folds and she could actually feel herself pushing her hips down to meet the finger and urge him for a little more friction, “hmm, that eager huh?” he looked up at her while his mouth switched focus and grazed against the other painfully hard nipple. “Uhhh” she closed her eyes in bliss when his finger dug between her folds, sliding smoothly inside of her only to pull it back a few seconds later, her big eyes filled with hugely dissapointed question marks which he completely ignored and continued playing with her breasts until she was squirming underneath him. This was the moment he loved, he knew he was slowly driving her crazy, soon she would start to beg him but soon came just a little quicker than he had expected when she put her hands against his cheeks and pulled him down for a blistering kiss “Jared..” she breathed but before she could continue, he positioned himself between her legs and entered her without hesitation, burying himself completely inside of her. It felt like she didn't remember how to breathe when he slowly started moving in and out of her, his warm naked body grinding against hers stimulated every nerve in her body and all she could do was fold her arms around him and hold on to him tightly. “Breathe” he whispered as he pushed deep again and his teeth tugged at her bottom lip to urge her on to snap out of the blissful spell she seemed to be under, he knew how careful they both needed to be with her heart and finally she exhaled when he pulled out of her, “Look at me, just look at me” he whispered as he claimed her mouth with a soft, short kiss and she immediately obeyed. “Don't tease me, Jared..I can't handle that right now” she whispered and just when a pang of fear that he had hurt her made the nerves in his neck squeeze together ever so painfully, she continued “I just want you to love me like only you can”. She felt him freeze up on top of her, his eyes blazing with worry so she lifted her legs and wrapped them tightly around his hips, her heels digging into his buttcheeks so the only thing he could do was slide inside of her again, filling every inch of her. He closed his eyes in ecstacy and let his forehead gently connect with hers and kissed the tip of her nose “I do love you” there was a tenderness to his voice that verged on the edge of tears, “I know..” she breathed, pushing her heels down again to urge him to move again. Their eyes locked again as he started thrusting and soon their bodies started moving as one, meeting every move the other one made and the room started to fill with grunts and extatic moans. Jared's mind was racing, he had never been a 'missionary position' kind of man, not without switching to some other positions anyway, but what was happening right now, was probably in his top 3 of best sex he ever had, it constantly switched between slow and tender to passionate and the right amount of rough. How long they had been at it, he didn't know but what he did know was that they were both a heaving mess when the familiar heat started to spread in his abdomen, but there was no way he was letting it happen without taking her along.

Jordan was so lost iin her sensual bubble that she didn't feel the loud thumping of her heart or how sore she was, right now she was  a mess with only one thing on her mind and that was to find release “Jay..” she breathed his name with urgency. His body had heard hers loud and clear “I know..” he stretched out high above her while his hips picked up an almost unbearable pace and she felt like the last bit of sanity she had left was being fucked out of her. With the last bit of energy that was left in her, she arched her back again, groaning and moaning her fingers dug into the crumpled sheets, trying to look for some kind of support against her earthshattering orgasm. Seeing her shatter into a million pieces underneath him, Jared let his head fall back while his hips finally stilled and shot his release deep inside of her, he had rarely felt closer to anyone than right now, not even with Ch.., his mind froze, he forbid himself to even go there, this was their moment of glory, the past had nothing to do with this. He stayed inside her while their initial ragged breathing was silenced by a long, slow kiss, their tongues dancing real slow and close together, but it was Jordan who reluctantly broke the kiss, making him frown “what is it?” he tried to follow her stare as she avoided his. “Nothing..it's nothing, I..” she whispered, was she crying? He cupped her chin “what is it? Tell me? Is it your heart?” he breathed, getting more worried by the second, “No..yes..I dunno why I'm crying..” a smile started to hiccup through her tears “that was just perfect..”. Jared's heart squeezed together in joy “Ah ok, I get it, orgasm tears! The best kind of tears” he kissed the skin right under her eye, tasting the salt on his lips “it was more than perfect, Jordan, more than fucking perfect”.  Jordan groaned a little when he slowly slid out of her, for a second she almost felt bereaved, like he had left a void deep down there but he quickly compensated by cradling her in the nook of his arm while her head rested on his chest. Silence surrounded their exhausted bodies, a hand caressed an arm, a soft kiss landed on the skin of a hard chest and their breathing turned into slow, deep breaths while slumber started to throw its' dark veil over them.

The morning sun threw her yellow, diffuse rays into the room and Jared stirred when his eyes fluttered open as he lay on his stomach, feeling a soft hand run up and down his spine, she was here and the rosy memories of what they had done hours earlier started floating through his mind, a smile forming on his lips “you didn't leave this time” he breathed, referring to her flight out of the house a couple of days ago. “I live here now remember?” her warm breath danced against his shoulder, making him roll on his side “so you do..” his voice hoarse and croaky as he blinked the sleep from his eyes and let his mouth connect with hers but when their lips disconnected he turned all serious and looked at her “I don't ever want to hurt you again”. The sincerity she saw, felt and heard overwhelmed her and all she could say was “I know” before she shuffled against him, burying herself in that little cocoon of closeness like only they could make, their mouths hungering for each other again. “Aunt Jordan!!!” Jared heard the boy's faint footsteps on the corridor running for their room already “I think we've got company” he reluctantly let go of her, he had to suppress a sigh of frustration as Jordan frowned and quickly rolled away from him to grab the robe that had landed next to the bed. She had barely just tied it up when the door of the bedroom swung open and Noah stormed in, jumping on top of the mattress, “Noah, come here! I told you to leave your aunt and Jared alone” Nahla who followed suit, had a big blush on her cheeks shuffling over to the bed. “It's alright, Nahla..” Jordan shook her head as she grabbed Noah's hand and pulled him down on the bed “Noah, will you just stop?” she snapped at the boy, this was a too harsh awakening from the rosy cloud she had been on. Noah frowned at her for being so stroppy with him while Nahla turned back to the door “I'll go start on breakfast” and left the room “why are you mad at me?” the boy flapped his eyelashes innocently at her, he really didn't have a clue, did he? “I'm not mad, Noah..I'm just..”. 

Jared interrupted her, he could clearly see how the boy was just winding her around  his little finger “Noah, remember when we were in Paris?” Noah turned to face Jared and nodded slowly, “ok and do you remember when I told you there that your aunt Jordan and I want to be alone from time to time?” Jared raised his eyebrows at him. “Yeah, you called it a funny word..pwiva..stree?” Noah tried to find the right word, “privacy! Exactly, pri-va-cy..well your aunt and I wanted to have some of that privacy when you walked in. Noah's lip turned into a pout “Oh”, it dawned on him what Jared was trying to say even though he didn't really understand, “yes oh, so can you please knock first next time?” Jared turned to look at the clock, what time was it anyway? “were you making babies with aunt Jordan? You said that a boy and girl make babies when they sleep together” Noah blurted out, making both Jordan and Jared's cheeks go bright red like they had been caught in the act. “That” he grabbed Noah and lifted him out of bed “is none of your business, young man! Anyway, your aunt has had a..rough night, so why don't you go over to Nahla and help her with breakfast? We'll be right down ok?”. He playfully patted the boy's behind to send him on his way and it worked because Noah frowned and then shrugged before he skipped out of the room again. Jordan sat up in bed and turned her head “Making babies? Really? The silly things you put in that boy's head sometimes”, Jared pulled her down with him and pinned her hands to the matress so he could abundantly kiss her throat . “Well, maybe we did last night..make a baby I mean” he hummed inbetween kisses and suddenly it made her restless again “Jared, come on, you know we didn't make a baby..” she put her hands against his shoulders, this was the second time in a few days that he brought up the subject of kids, he knew she was on the pill, so what the hell was going on?. Jared stopped the sensual attack on her throat and raised his head to look into her eyes “I really want us to have kids” the seriousness he said it with took her breath away and broke her heart at the same time. “Jay..I..told you, we can't ever have kids..” she sputtered but he instantly cut in “ok, maybe not with the heart you have now, but when you get a new heart..”. Jordan closed her eyes in frustration, he was ruining a perfectly romantic moment with all this talking about her heart and kids while all she wanted was to try and live in the moment, “Alright, alright, I'll shut up about it, but will you please promise me you'll think about it?”. He plucked a kiss from her lips and her frustration ebbed away so she nodded “ok, I'll think about it, I promise”,  which earned her a sexy smile and his mouth continued its' quest from her throat to the swell of her breasts “Good, until then we can start..you know..practicing” he licked the spot between her breasts which tickled “Oh really? Is that what this is?” she  giggled. “No, I lied, ok? I meant a LOT of practicing” he grinned against her skin when his hand snuck between her legs and soon she didn't even try to fight him off anymore.

[grandhonker-blog]

Skyscape: Part 9

Dan yawned. It feels like I'm falling unconscious way too much.

Sitting up, he took in his surroundings. He was lying in a rather comfortable bunk bed, in what looked like a room underground. There wasn't much in terms of decoration. In fact, the walls were solid rock. A single, small electric lamp hung from the ceiling.

A face poked out from the bunk bed above him. It was a girl, no older than he was. She looked downright rabid. Her blonde hair was tousled to the point where it looked as if a hurricane had passed through it. Her brown eyes were opened wide, and darted across the room.

"You're awake?" her voice sounded close to hysterical. "I wasn't sure whether or not you were dead."

Dan looked around the room. "Where are we?"

The girl jumped off the bunk bed. She landed on her feet, but still nearly gave Dan a heart attack. A winter jacket covered her rather flat chest, but other than that the only thing she wore was... undergarments. Dan was slightly nonplussed.

"They... they put us here. The... the mages." Dan wondered what that meant. She didn't even sound certain as she said it. "I don't... remember their names." Her eyes darted towards the door, as if waiting for someone to come in. After a couple of moments passed, Dan decided to do the obvious thing.

"I'm Dan."

She jolted, and her gaze whirled back around to him.

"Can't you hear it??!"

"Huh?"

She pressed her hands to her chest. "It's like... there's something... buzzing, inside my chest."

The girl sounded completely insane. Dan only managed to look inquisitive.

She looked up at Dan again, and moved, with abrupt speed, towards him, taking his hand. Before he could do anything, she pressed it to her chest.

"Feel that?!" Even though he felt slightly awkward, Dan had to admit, he did feel something.

It was like her chest was... bubbling. Slightly.

"What is that?" He said, almost to himself.

"That's something we call a whizen." It was a voice, echoing through what was probably an intercom. Dan had no idea what a whizen was.

The girl had nearly jumped right out of her clothes when she heard the voice, but now she was shaking. She screamed as several people, all dressed in what appeared to be white, colourless robes, rapidly opened the door just at that moment. They rushed forwards. Dan stumbled back, as he realized that something was wrong. The girl's scream no longer sounded like a scream. Neither did it sound like it belonged to a girl.

It sounded more like wailing wind.

Dan felt a barrage of force hit him in the face, and was flung backwards. He saw the bunk beds lift up, and shatter forwards, crashing into the stone walls of the room. One of the people in white robes, however, managed to press a hand onto the girl's shoulder, at the same time as being blasted away from her by the sheer force of the wind.

In an instant, the girl crumpled down onto the ground like a wet leaf. All the force, the sound, and the... hatred, in the room, seemed to disappear.

There were several moments where no one said anything. The room was in complete silence. Then, like a broken spell, everyone began to move at once.

"What the hell was that?!" Dan said, to no one in particular.

Some of the people looked at him. One even approached him.

"I'm sorry about that... come with me, please."

Dan stood up, rubbing his head. "What happened?"

"She... she didn't pass the Test." The man looked genuinely upset.

"What happens to her now?"

"She... she'll go into treatment. If she's lucky, her motor functions will return eventually."

"And if n-"

"Her sanity, however, I cannot attest for."

Dan was horrified. That could've easily been him. No wonder Kara had been so worried.

---

Walking through the next door, towing behind the white-robed man, Dan entered what looked like a large Chinese Dojo. Contrasting with the solid rock outside its windows, rather than feeling cold an empty, it made Dan feel downright cozy.

"Do you like the décor?"

It was the female voice from the intercom. She sat, at a huge, mahogany table, in the middle of the room.

The woman was about the same height as Dan, to his own surprise. Her tightly-bound purple hair was tied back behind her head in a bun. She wore a light-brown sweater, and huge wide-leg trousers.

"You must be Dan. Good to meet you. I'm Master Ling." She gestured over to the table, where, Dan noticed, a small sofa chair sat. "Come, sit down."

Dan did. The sofa was comfortable, and again, he had to wonder whether or not it was real leather.

"So, you surely must have a billion different questions for me. How would you like me to answer them?"

Dan nodded. "Wouldn't mind."

"Good. To make it an extra challenge for me, however, I'll do it in only one demonstration. How does that sound?"

Dan only shrugged. Master Ling smiled, and sat down across the table from him. From a desk drawer somewhere underneath her, she pulled out what looked like a wooden cube, which had sweater-like knitting woven around it. She held it up in her palm, and placed it in front of her, on the table.

"So, then. This is the demonstration: I will move the cube with my finger, forwards." So she did. Pressing a finger in between the weave, she pressed it to the wood, and pushed it forwards several centimetres.

"Now, I will push the cube forwards, again. You have to tell me what I did differently." Dan watched, as Master Ling took one of the woollen strings that were tied around the side of the cube facing Dan, and pulled at it, moving it forwards in the same direction as before.

"You pulled on the... wool, instead of pushing on the cube." Dan looked up at her.

"Good. But. The result was..?" she asked, expectantly.

"The same."

"Yes. Both times I moved the cube in the same direction, but the means of doing that were different." She smiled. "I hope you're getting this."

"Now, let's try this," she pulled another, same-sized wooden cube out, and placed it next to the previous one. This one, Dan noticed, had nothing weaved around it.

"Now, I move the cube." The pushed the cube with her finger. "And I move it again."

This time, she did even raise a hand. The cube seemed to slide across the table, of its own volition. Dan's eyes widened.

"How'd you do that?"

Master Ling shook her head. "Wrong. You don't ask the question. You look for the answer. Or did you think I was pushing around wooden boxes for no reason?"

Dan looked at the other cube. Thinking. The prodding nature of the question had kicked his consciousness into a higher level of awareness.

"It's another way of moving the cube. Just like the weave on the other one."

"Ah-h-h. Now you're seeing it." Ling smiled. She picked up the cube with the weave on it, and it hovered in the air when she took her hand away. "So, are your questions answered?"

Dan thought about it.

"I guess... Except for one."

The woman raised an eyebrow.

"One of the people who uh... kidnapped me, by the way. " Dan looked, accusingly, at Master Ling, "He could shoot fireballs. You're doing... telekinesis, I'm supposing. But last I checked, telekinesis couldn't let you shoot fireballs." Dan looked up at the floating cube wearily, as if waiting for it to explode.

Ling smiled a sad smile. "True. But... I suppose, the human eye has its own limitations." She paused. "I'm not doing telekinesis. Neither was your kidnapper."

Dan didn't understand. He waited for her to continue. With a sudden crash, the cube stopped floating, thumping into the wood table. Master Ling took the two cubes off, back into their drawers. "Can you two come in here?" she asked, of no one in particular. The door behind her, however, almost immediately, opened.

Two people stood there, looking slightly worried. Kara, who was dressed in his white robes, and another girl. Her hair was dark brown, and she wore a light-blue parka, and jeans.

"Master Ling... we hadn't realized..." Kara said.

Ling smiled. "Come on, now. You really didn't think I hadn't known you were eavesdropping?"

Both the girl and Kara stood there, awkwardly.

"And you, Jay? What do you have to say for yourself?"

The girl, Jay, looked up. Her eyes were a dark brown. Almost black.

"We're sorry, Master Ling. We just wanted to know... who'd be training them." She looked around, as if realizing something was missing. "But wait... the girl, where is she?"

Master Ling's face took on a sombre appearance. "Whizen." She only said the one word, but it was as if the two were punched in the face by a tractor. Recoiling, the girl put a hand over her mouth.

"No!"

Master Ling nodded, sadly. "It's unfortunate. And I'm sorry you had to see that, Dan. But, I think, you'll be happy with who I picked to train you."

Dan looked over her. "What?"

"You do want to be trained, don't you?"

"In what? I don't even know what you guys are!"

Master Ling, looking amused, stood up, and told Dan to do the same.

"I guess none of you can see it." She approached Dan. He was weary. The last time one of these guys had come up to him, it was Torro, and it did not end particularly well.

"I think he'll like you."

Before Dan could, again, ask what she was even talking about, Master Ling raised her hand, and, like a flashlight shining through a dusty room, a huge, pulsing and whirling system of huge, fiery orange strands revealed themselves, tied around Dan.

Nearly tripping on his chair, Dan staggered backwards abruptly. The two others, as well, gasped, in varying degrees of intensity.

"You asked me how I moved the cubes, if not telekinesis." Master Ling looked into Dan's wide eyes, her own dark eyes full of amusement and matter-of-fact smugness. "Well, this is how."

[celticnoise]

There has been a lot of focus over the past week – actually, over the past few days – about sectarianism in Scottish football. It’s a subject close to my heart and the hearts of everyone who reads this blog. The writing team has talked about it often enough. There’s nothing like being on the end of vile comments expressing doubts about your parentage or hearing people sing about being up to their knees in your blood to give you an appreciation of the finer points.

There are people who’s exposure to this is limited to hearing things on the telly that they don’t like; you have to live it to get it and I wonder if half of our commentariat knows the first thing they are talking about when it comes to these matters.

I know, because I’ve been there. I have friends who’ve been assaulted, a couple who’ve been stabbed, I know people close to folk who’ve been murdered. Nobody needs to tell me what sectarianism is because I’ve seen it close up. I’ve had it right in my face.

So, if Scottish football is seriously going to take this issue on, then those responsible have a friend in this site and allies in the wider Celtic support. It is long overdue. There have been times in the past few years when it’s felt like we were talking to a brick wall trying to get people to do something about this. Action is to be applauded, if it’s meaningful.

But see, I doubt very much that anybody is serious about this. I think people talk a good game, but the idea of actually taking action scares the Hell out of them. There’s also a problem with a lot of the inherent contradictions in the debate, and for want of “balance” nobody is prepared to take those on either.

For example, media hacks who decry The Boys of The Old Brigade would have no problem at all singing The Flower Of Scotland.

It depends which company you’re in whether you find both offensive or pick one to suit yourself.

I personally have no problem with either, or the Ibrox dirge about Derry’s Walls. I couldn’t care less about any of the political songs; the day we start worrying about those we’ll be banning half the national anthems during internationals.

So any attempt to equate those songs with sectarianism simply cannot be treated with anything other than contempt. Furthermore, if we adopt so-called “zero tolerance” policies towards political songs as well as sectarian ones then that leaves an awful lot of ground that we’re not covering and which we probably should be.

Do we allow paedophile chants? Is it okay to sing about songs wishing death on people?

Because that’s been in the news today and the shameful hypocrisy of the media focussing on a handful of guys in a pub when vile songs about the Lisbon Lions and Jay Beatty and other major figures in Celtic have been getting belted out on a regular basis all the way through the season.

UEFA fined Celtic for a fan banner that expressed a sentiment about them which they didn’t like; the Ibrox fans sang the same thing about the SFA even as a linesman was being treated for a head-wound courtesy of some in the ranks. Will that be an offence which merits a points deduction or just one that results in a fine? Isn’t it simply an exercise in free speech? Should Scottish football really be trying to regulate that? Is that the business it’s in?

What about songs which slag rival players? For being too fat, too slow, too old or just plain crap? Are we still allowed to sing those, or is every little snowflake going to protected until all you can do at the football is meekly applaud when your team scores a goal?

All this under the rubric of “tackling sectarianism.”

And where does sectarianism come from in the first place? It’s certainly not football stadiums, as it can be found in workplaces up and down the land. And whatever some people think, it doesn’t come from the schools either.

Here’s a fact to which there’s no argument; you don’t find sectarian abuse being shouted across Catholic school playgrounds, and hating others isn’t part of the curriculum.

The schools exist because, and again this is something people tend to forget, we live in a theocratic state at the head of which is the Church of England.

In short, when you put your gun down – abolish the monarchy, the crown, end the “supremacy” of the church and its Scottish offshoot and stop its adherents turning our streets into Halloween every July – then I’ll put down mine.

Until then, you don’t get to lecture Catholic parents for making that choice, and you certainly don’t get to remove that choice from them.

The simple fact, as I’ve repeated over and over again, is that certain songs are already criminal, certain acts are against the law, and football regulations already exist to tackle both of those things whenever they rear their heads in the grounds.

We do not need a new law or new rules to deal with them; if the SFA grows a set we can start putting these things to bed right now.

So yes, Celtic fans are delighted that these issues are finally being taken seriously and finally faced up to. We’re happy to support any measure that removes the bile that’s in the stands … but no such measure is being proposed, nor is one ever likely to be, because the people who’d be responsible for doing enforcing it have the power to put a stop to all this already and they haven’t bothered their backsides to even try. My view is that they never will.

Songs of hate are very easy to identify. They always have been. But hate has been allowed to become the mood music of the game here, and one of the groups most responsible for that is the media that continually feeds the beast, that continually stirs the soup.

You want to know what measure Celtic fans proposed, years ago, that would have ended much of this and restored some sanity? Ditch the Old Firm tag. Stop using it. Stop trying to bind the two clubs together; they are nothing alike and should be treated as separate.

It confuses and complicates an issue which is really quite simple.

This is long overdue, and would do more good in a generation than all the stupid summits and lectures and rule changes … all this referring to it as the “world’s greatest rivalry” … it doesn’t impress anyone outside of Scotland, it doesn’t convince anyone but those already sold on it.

Even if one half of it wasn’t already dead and gone, it’s a ridiculous model to build the game around because the only selling point that rivalry ever had was hate and everybody knows it and Celtic fans have long lamented it.

As long as the media continues to promote it I will not, I cannot, take them seriously either when they drone on and on about wanting an end to the poison.

They sound hypocritical at best.

A measure of how earnestly they’re committed to doing their part was broadcast on the telly last night, over at STV; they wheeled Craig Brown out to lecture us on the matter. Yes, the same Craig Brown who whilst Scotland manager was taped singing sectarian songs down a phone to his bird and who the media defended and who the SFA let keep his job.

Perhaps what I’m trying to say is that we’ll take this seriously when they start to.

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You can discuss this and and all the other stories by signing up at the Celtic Noise forum at the above link. This site is one of the three that has pushed for the forum and we urge all this blog’s readers to join it. Show your support for real change in Scottish football, by adding your voice to the debate.

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[kidsviral-blog]

Disgusting: Lefty celebs crawl out to politicize Newtown, Conn., tragedy

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/disgusting-lefty-celebs-crawl-out-to-politicize-newtown-conn-tragedy/

Disgusting: Lefty celebs crawl out to politicize Newtown, Conn., tragedy

http://twitter.com/#!/MiaFarrow/status/279635528477982720

As Twitchy reported, ghoulish lefties immediately jumped on the opportunity to politicize this morning’s tragic school shooting in Newtown, Connecticut, that left nearly 30 people dead, most of whom were children. Now, right on cue, ignorant liberal celebrity vultures are swooping in to turn the tragedy into a gun control soapbox:

Past time!!! RT @sacca: 27 dead in a school shooting. 14 of them are kids. So tell me again, when are we allowed to talk about gun control?

— mia farrow (@MiaFarrow) December 14, 2012

I don’t want to hear one idiotic word out of the NRA

— mia farrow (@MiaFarrow) December 14, 2012

Gun control is no longer debatable- it’s not a ‘conversation’-It’s a moral mandate. ‘

— mia farrow (@MiaFarrow) December 14, 2012

The mission of your second term just arrived covered in blood, @barackobama. If Congress gets in your way, we’ll throw them out. #enough

— Gerry Duggan (@GerryDuggan) December 14, 2012

RT @miafarrow: Gun control is no longer debatable- it’s not a ‘conversation’-It’s a moral mandate. ‘ / YES. The time is now.

— Martha Plimpton (@MarthaPlimpton) December 14, 2012

ok so….is now that time to have “the conversation”?

— Questo of The Roots (@questlove) December 14, 2012

twitter.com/PerezHilton/st…

— Perez Hilton (@PerezHilton) December 14, 2012

I’m trying to be more positive these days but people who say “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people” – those people are fucking morons!

— Perez Hilton (@PerezHilton) December 14, 2012

Band-Aids-on-Band-Aids @nra people want MORE access to guns to combat all the people w access to guns.

— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) December 14, 2012

Can’t wait for the NRA to come running out in defense of fire arms. Again.

— Terry McMillan (@MsTerryMcMillan) December 14, 2012

What kind of nut case would shoot children at an elementary school and, a week before Christmas? A major nut case with a gun.

— Terry McMillan (@MsTerryMcMillan) December 14, 2012

I pray that we do! RT @aidansdaddy619: @deepakchopra Can we ban guns now? #ConnecticutTragedy

— Deepak Chopra (@DeepakChopra) December 14, 2012

We can’t limit the crazy people in the world, but we can limit what they have access to.

— John Francis Daley (@JohnFDaley) December 14, 2012

Just landed 2 news of a school shtg in CT! how many times cn we hear politicians say we r all shocked and saddened 2day,then do nothing

— DL Hughley (@RealDlHughley) December 14, 2012

GUN CONTROL.A Glock and a Sig Sauer aren’t for hunting deer and they won’t protect ‘We the people’ from a drone attack.

— Caterina Scorsone (@caterinatweets) December 14, 2012

So sad to hear about babies being shot in America. The poor families. When will they outlaw firearms?

— boygeorge (@BoyGeorge) December 14, 2012

My sentiments exactly. GUN CONTROL!!! Get guns out of killers hands twitter.com/MARLONLWAYANS/…

— marlon wayans (@MARLONLWAYANS) December 14, 2012

Stop tweeting. Take action. m.house.gov

— Zach Braff (@zachbraff) December 14, 2012

The 2nd amendment doesn’t mention automatic weapons or mindless slaughter, maybe a review would be useful….?

— Right Said Fred(@TheFreds) December 14, 2012

https://twitter.com/NancyLeeGrahn/status/279639468003168257

Here seemingly normal guy, here’s a gun, hell, here’s 4. Hope u neverlose ur shit & kill a bunch of kids. Have a nice day. #Gunskill

— Nancy Lee Grahn (@NancyLeeGrahn) December 14, 2012

Next time, babies. Well done American gun zealots. Keep up the good work.

— Salman Rushdie (@SalmanRushdie) December 14, 2012

School killings not acceptable trade-off for less restrictive gun laws. We need more controls on all firearms.Founding Fathers would agree.

— Andrew Zimmern (@andrewzimmern) December 14, 2012

The rights of those who own and use guns within legal parameters are not worth the lives wasted by those who do not.

— Ethan Suplee (@EthanSuplee) December 14, 2012

Today is NOT the day to talk about gun control, Today is the day to finally DO SOMETHING about it! bit.ly/Xne2Yu PLS RETWEET #Newtown

— Russell Simmons (@UncleRUSH) December 14, 2012

https://twitter.com/JanelleMonae/status/279718081545269248

No Gun Control!Just people slaughtered! Second amendment my ass!

— Danny DeVito (@DannyDeVito) December 14, 2012

Its gonna b hard to b funny today with a heavy heart over school shootings. No more guns! Enough tragedy!

— John Leguizamo (@JohnLeguizamo) December 14, 2012

https://twitter.com/michaelurie/status/279654061891006464

OMG!! My prayers go out to all of the families affected by the school shooting in Connecticut!!My heart aches!! WHY?? #GuncontrolASAP

— Vivica A. Fox (@MsVivicaFox) December 14, 2012

Guns don’t kill people. Clouds and balloons kill people.Oh.Wait.Nope… it’s fucking guns.

— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) December 14, 2012

How many times do thoughts&prayers have 2go out 2victims &their families b4 something gets done about gun violence in this country? #newtown

— Daniel Dae Kim (@danieldaekim) December 14, 2012

This is the stupidest sentence ever spoken “Guns don’t kill people. People do.”#BradyBill #obama #guncontrol #connecticut

— Matthew Modine (@MatthewModine) December 14, 2012

#GUNCONTROL #OBAMA twitter.com/MatthewModine/…

— Matthew Modine (@MatthewModine) December 14, 2012

it’s too easy for a monster to get a gun. solution: NO ONE GETS GUNS. sorry if this is an inconvenience for your complete need to have one.

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) December 14, 2012

Look at that number of dead kids and their teachers and tell me with a straight fucking face our laws are currently fine the way they are.

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) December 14, 2012

Gun control is our only road to freedom. Freedom from the fear of senselessly losing children. I’m so saddened. WE NEED LAWS NOW.

— Rashida Jones (@iamrashidajones) December 14, 2012

Gun lovers are the first to remind you this should be a “day of mourning”. How about we mourn & make it harder to get guns on the same day?

— Rashida Jones (@iamrashidajones) December 14, 2012

My heart breaks for the victims & community of Newtown. Impossible to grasp. Guns need to be banned & illegal sales need harsher punishment!

— Aubrey O’Day (@AubreyODay) December 14, 2012

So who is going to tell BOB COSTAS that he was wrong calling for gun sanity?

— Harvey Fierstein (@HarveyFierstein) December 14, 2012

Guns do nothing but encourage paranoid lunacy, arm fools and criminals, and rain grief and destruction down on the innocent.

— Harvey Fierstein (@HarveyFierstein) December 14, 2012

Heart aching over Connecticut. This doesn’t happen when people go nuts in Japan or UK because Americans are over-armed. We need to disarm!

— Sean Ono Lennon (@seanonolennon) December 14, 2012

We have to unite as a country and BAN assault weapons …. NO private party needs a semi automatic …This has to stop !!

— Kirstie Alley (@kirstiealley) December 14, 2012

If this tragedy doesn’t change something in this country regarding guns…I just want to scream and cry. Deeply saddened. Praying.

— Kourtney Kardashian (@KourtneyKardash) December 14, 2012

Sick over what happened in the world this week.We need better gun laws. My heart goes out to all those affected by the horrors.

— Jai Rodriguez (@jairodriguez) December 14, 2012

When do we get to seriously talk about gun control?

— Denis O’Hare (@denisohare) December 14, 2012

@iamjhud for sure . Pray and take action.. Another WAKE UP for guns.

— Oprah Winfrey (@Oprah) December 14, 2012

Hey people who govern:You know how afraid you are of the NRA? That’s NOTHING compared to the fear every parent shares today!

— Danny Zuker (@DannyZuker) December 14, 2012

Where is the love [?] I can’t believe this type of evil can happen…why would anyone kill children???…#protectchildrennotguns

— will.i.am (@iamwill) December 14, 2012

Explain the whole reason we need to have guns again? Just explain once more. I’m stupid. Somebody? Anybody?

— BD WONG (@BD_WONG) December 14, 2012

Our weekly mass shootings aren’t happening in other countries. And this time, children? WHEN WILL OUR “LEADERS” PUT AN END TO THIS INSANITY?

— Rachel Dratch (@TheRealDratch) December 14, 2012

A country that does nothing about gun control while witnessing the mass killings of innocent precious life, MUST wake up!Shattered.

— Goldie Hawn (@goldiehawn) December 14, 2012

Shocked and saddened by what happened today in Connecticut.We have to stop the access to guns in our country.

— Ben Stiller (@RedHourBen) December 14, 2012

I’m appalled by today’s shooting. The only reasonable reaction is to completely overhaul gun control policy. Anything else is disgraceful.

— olivia wilde (@oliviawilde) December 14, 2012

Fuck the NRA and the cowardly politicians who refuse to do a single goddamn thing about gun violence in America.

— Wil Wheaton (@wilw) December 14, 2012

Yeah, I’ll wade right the fuck into this: MORE gun control, MORE mental health services. It’s no longer a debate. Never was. #newtown

— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) December 14, 2012

I know everybody’s sending prayers out now but when will we get beyond prayers and get to real, effective action?

— John Legend (@johnlegend) December 15, 2012

I love how Americans think gun control, universal health care, etc, are SO TERRIBLE but they work so well in every other developed country.

— John Legend (@johnlegend) December 15, 2012

For crying out loud.. Why not at least try gun control for some time and see if it works? We can always go back!

— Mark Ruffalo (@Mruff221) December 15, 2012

HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE 2 HEAR”GUNMAN KILLS”FK The NRA !THEY PUT MONEY ABOVE YOUR CHILDREN’S LIVES.GUNS KILL PEOPLE,LITTLE INNOCENT 1’S

— Cher (@cher) December 15, 2012

Sorry but prayers and giving your kids hugs fix nothing; only having the balls to stand up to our insane selfish gun culture will.

— Bill Maher (@billmaher) December 15, 2012

These people are absolutely shameless. While they choose to exploit this horrific tragedy, we will continue to pray for the victims and their families.

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2012/12/14/disgusting-lefty-celebs-crawl-out-to-politicize-newtown-conn-tragedy/

[wbwest]

New Post has been published on WilliamBruceWest.com

New Post has been published on http://www.williambrucewest.com/2017/01/18/west-year-ever-pop-culture-review-2016/

West YEAR Ever: Pop Culture In Review - 2016

Thank 8 pound, 6 ounce newborn Baby Jesus that 2016 is over! I mean, I guess there was some good stuff peppered in there, but it was an overall rough year for a lot of people. I tried to keep my sanity here on the blog, but even I checked out for the month of November. Like Kenny Rogers told us, sometimes you’ve gotta know when to walk away. But I did make a return in December just to kick the year in the ass on its way out. So, besides celebrity deaths, what did 2016 bring us? Well, there was that week we were all mesmerized by Pokemon Go! Those were fun times. We got new X-Files episodes. Peyton Manning retired after winning the Super Bowl with the Denver Broncos. Atlanta and Luke Cage came along and entertained us on television. And things weren’t too shabby here on the blog either.

During Spring Break Week, I discussed several of the most underrated TV theme songs, including Webster, California Dreams, and Enterprise.

I also covered the worst Batman comic ever written, in the form of Just Imagine Stan Lee’s Batman

I did my annual Fall TV Upfronts post, where I discussed the upcoming fall lineups of the major broadcast networks.

A post that was several years in the making, I ranked the Hot Moms of Teen Shows over on The Robot’s Pajamas

I also did a guest post ranking the hottest Power Rangers Villains

It wasn’t all fun and games, though. The country was going through some dark stuff, and I’m particularly proud of this West Week Ever where I discussed the racial problems in the country.

I also experience my first live wrestling event as I attended a taping of WWE Monday Night Raw.

I brought back my graphic novel review column, Adventures West Coast, where I covered Wonder Woman: Earth One.

I also brushed off my Comical Thoughts column, where I discussed IDW’s disappointing Hasbro-centric Revolution event.

Finally, I closed out the year with a post that I’m particularly proud of, discussing the greatest problems facing comic retailers.

I saw about 13 fewer movies in 2016 than in 2015. It wasn’t for lack of trying, but there are only so many hours in the day. As you know, I’m not necessarily Mr. Movie, so I’m not even going to try to rank them. Here they are, simply in the order that I saw them. Wanna know my thoughts? Plug the title into the search box up on the top righthand corner!

Movies I Watched This Year

Lucy

Beauty Shop

Bikini Spring Break

Fifty Shades of Grey

X-Men: Days of Future Past (The Rogue Cut)

We Don’t Live Here Anymore

Gone Girl

Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs 2

The Martian

Inside Out

Sisters

Batman: Bad Blood

Son of Batman

Batman vs. Robin

The Hundred-Foot Journey

Tomorrowland

Deadpool

San Andreas

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules

Autism In Love

Cop Car

Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice

Dead 7

Justice League vs. Teen Titans

Pacific Rim

All Things Must Pass: The Rise and Fall of Tower Records

CHAPPiE

Unhung Hero

Trainwreck

Confirmation

The Boss

Captain America: Civil War

They Live

Ted 2

Creed

Zoolander 2

The Ladykillers

10 Cloverfield Lane

X-Men: Apocalypse

The Intern

You’re F@#k’n Dead!

LEGO DC Comics: Batman Be-Leaguered

LEGO DC Comics Superheroes: Justice League: Attack of the Legion of Doom

Focus

The Good Dinosaur

Sleeping with Other People

Big Hero 6

Keanu

Southpaw

The Night Before

The Equalizer

The Bronze

Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping

Batman: The Killing Joke

Sharknado: The 4th Awakens

Suicide Squad

The Day

Kingsman: The Secret Service

Independence Day: Resurgence

Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children

Meet The Hitlers

Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates

Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising

Doctor Strange

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

  West Week Ever Recipients of 2016 (with commentary)

1/8/16 – Fall Out Boy’s “Irresistible” video

I’m a huge boyband fan, so the news that one of my favorite bands (Fall Out Boy) had reimagined the It’s Gonna Be Me video by one of my favorite boybands (*NSYNC) definitely made my week. The sheer fact that it didn’t really move the world of pop culture, however, shows you how slow of a news week it was. There would be many weeks like this in 2016.

1/15/16 – Power Rangers

This was quite the week for the Power Rangers franchise. First off, it was revealed that Saban would be skipping the train-centric sentai series Ressha Sentai ToQger, and instead adapt Shuriken Sentai Ninninger as Power Rangers Ninja Steel. This announcement was almost a year to the date of the premiere of the show (scheduled to debut next Saturday), and we spent the next few months getting casting and toy news about the show. Meanwhile, the #0 issue of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers comic was released by Boom! that week, setting up a series that is so much better than it has any right to be. I’ve written about it several times over the year, as I’m a big fan. And finally, former Wild Force Red Ranger actor Ricardo Medina was formally charged that week for killing his roommate with a sword. All in all, I think Power Rangers truly earned the West Week Ever that week.

1/22/16 – DC Entertainment

The Suicide Squad trailer was released this week, as well as the series premiere of Legends of Tomorrow. The Suicide Squad promotion machine would see its ups and downs over the year, the Legends premiere was fairly strong, even with a bunch of useless characters (I’m looking at you, Hawks). The show would get stronger in its second season, but this is where it all started. We also got a DC movie special hosted by Kevin Smith, giving us some Wonder Woman and Justice League footage. Marvel usually dominates the news cycle, but DC showed that they can also step up to the plate.

1/29/16 – The X-Files

When news of an X-Files revival hit, it was pretty big news. Then it launched, and it wasn’t exactly what folks were expecting. Clocking in at 6 episodes, only half of them focused on the conspiracy aspect of the show, plus they were aired out of order.  I went from really liking the premiere to completely forgetting it existed, in a very short amount of time. If it was going to get the WWE, it would had to have been this week of the premiere, as it ended with more of a whimper than a bang.

2/5/16 – UnderScoopFire Podcast

I appeared on the UnderScoopFire Podcast 8 times over the years, and had a great time on every one of them. Those guys are some of my good friends that I’ve met online, so of course I was sad to see it go. After 150 shows (give or take a few. Yeah, I’m not letting that go!), I think their swan song deserved the West Week Ever.

2/12/16 – Denver Broncos

I couldn’t give two shits about sports, but Lindsay’s from Denver, so we’re a Broncos household. So, everything was coming up Milhouse this week, as the Broncos won Super Bowl 50. Not only was it a nice, round, milestone number, but it also served as future Hall of Famer Peyton Manning’s final game. It was the perfect storybook ending that sports fans seem to love so much. So, yeah, they totally deserved the West Week Ever.

2/19/16 – Deadpool

Deadpool came out and blew away everyone’s expectations. I mean, this thing is getting nominated for awards. And not Razzies, too! Personally, I thought it was too gratuitous. I’ve gone over my reasoning before, so I won’t rehash that here. Still, it went on to become the second highest grossing superhero film of the year, just behind Captain America: Civil War. Totally deserved.

3/4/16 – Fuller House

After Girl Meets World came along, the runway was cleared for any and every nostalgic reboot to come along. And along came Fuller House. Every fan of TGIF awaited it with bated breath, hoping for the same mindless entertainment they got from the original show. And it did not disappoint! The second season just debuted a few weeks ago, and it’s already been picked up for a 3rd on Netflix. This show not only showed the power of Netflix as a home for original comedies, but also showed that old dogs still have some fight left in them. I think this was definitely the high point of that week.

3/11/16 – Jay Pharaoh

This was a slow week. Sure, Pharaoh did an amazing impersonation spree during that week’s Saturday Night Live Weekend Update. Like, it was AMAZING. And to pay him back, the show fired him at the end of the season. He’s OK, as he immediately booked a Showtime pilot, but the fact that this was the most noteworthy thing of the week shows how slow things were.

3/18/16 – Nothing

Some weeks you’ve just gotta call a spade a spade. Instead of insulting anyone’s intelligence, nothing had the West Week Ever.

3/25/16 – Wonder Woman

Like a lot of people, I did not like Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice. Like a lot of people, I also felt that Wonder Woman was the brightest spot in that dark film. Totally deserved

4/1/16 – Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice 

I may not have liked it. A lot of folks may not have liked it. But it made some money. A lot of money. And it was the true springboard to DC’s cinematic universe. So, for its money-making and its importance, I think it earned the West Week Ever. Just because I don’t like something doesn’t mean that it’s bad. It just wasn’t for me.

4/8/16 – American Idol

Idol‘s series finale aired that week, marking the end of a pop culture juggernaut. Unlike The Voice, Idol actually created household names. It gave us Kelly Clarkson, Clay Aiken, Carrie Underwood, and Fantasia. On the flip side, it also gave us William Hung, Taylor Hicks, and Daughtry. It spawned so many copycats, but it was the original recipe. Its influence may have waned in later years, but no one can deny what it was in its heyday. I think it’ll eventually come back, but this was when we said “Ta ta, for now.”

4/15/16 – Marvel

That week, we found out Natalie Portman wasn’t coming back for Thor: Ragnarok, we got a teaser trailer for Doctor Strange, an we learned that the new Spider-Man movie would be called Spider-Man: Homecoming. Marvel definitely dominated the news cycle that week.

4/22/16 – Harriet Tubman

While it was pretty monumental that a woman (a Black woman, mind you) would be adorning American currency, it doesn’t really move the pop culture needle that much. So, I ended up giving the West Week Ever to a dead woman – in a column that has a pretty strict No Death policy. This was kind of a slow week…

4/29/16 – Beyoncé

The singer dropped the surprise album Lemonade following their airing of her HBO special. One of the songs alluded to the possibility that her husband, Jay-Z, might have cheated on her. For the next week, everyone was pondering the identity of “Becky, with the good hair”. This is the kind of thing the drives pop culture. Totally deserved.

5/6/16 – Captain America: Civil War

I had seen the movie, and thought it was excellent.

5/13/16 – Captain America: Civil War

Then the movie made a lot of money. I mean, a fuckton of money.

5/20/16 – Nothing

It was just one of those weeks

5/27/16 – DC Universe: Rebirth #1

DC Comics lost a lot of fans after the New 52 event, in which they rebooted their universe. So, the Rebirth event was something of a mea culpa to those fans. More like a “Please come back! We promise to make stuff you’ll like again!” And for the most part it has worked. This special not only brought fan favorite Wally West back into the fold, but it also sort of introduced the Watchmen comic into the mainstream DC universe. We don’t yet know how that’s all going to play out, but this move helped DC to dominate more market share than Marvel for most of the year.

6/3/16 – Ecto-Cooler

I never really liked Ecto-Cooler. I mean, it tasted kinda like tropical piss, but I loved the fact that Slimer was on the box. That’s about where my nostalgia ended. But a lot of y’all out there LOVED that shit! So, when it was announced that Coca Cola was bringing it back in conjunction with the Ghostbusters movie, y’all started assembling street teams to track it down. I swear, if the 2016 election had been run in a manner similar to the vim and vigor displayed trying to track down green sugar water, I might actually have some hope for tomorrow!

6/10/16 – Awesome Con 2016

Slow week. Cool show, great company, but slow week.

6/17/16 – Hamilton

I discovered the Hamilton soundtrack the same week that it won 11 of the 16 Tony Awards for which it was nominated. We’ll talk more about the show later, but the West Week Ever was deserved, even if the wins did fall short of the Tony Award record.

6/24/16 – Black actors in Hollywood

This was more of a joke, as every Black actor in Hollywood was being cast in the upcoming Black Panther film. That trend has continued since this post. Still, slow news week.

7/1/16 – The 683 New Members of the Oscar Academy

Another joke. Due to the #OscarsSoWhite hashtag, signifying that the Academy was lacking in diversity, 683 people were invited to be members, bolstering the number of women and minorities. Still, slow news week.

7/8/16 – TNA’s The Final Deletion

Oh, man! This thing was incredible. They went on to milk it for the rest of the year, andI missed all subsequent installments. Still, this got me to pay attention to a wrestling promotion not owned by Vince McMahon, and for a brief moment, all wrestling eyes were on TNA to see what Matt Hardy would do next. Completely deserved.

7/15/16 – Pokemon GO!

This game came along and took the world by STORM. To say it was a success would be an understatement. It was envisioned to promote fitness, as kids would have to walk around to find perks and to get their eggs to hatch, but there were workarounds. Hell, I drove around looking for Pokestops. For about 4 weeks, this was all anyone could talk about. It was the Tamagotchi of a new generation, and I think, outside of all the political stuff, it’s one of the things we’ll remember most about 2016.

7/22/16 – Ghostbusters

It was a slow week, but Ghostbusters and the Republican National Convention were the only newsworthy events of the week. As much as we want to pile on that movie, it did take in a respectable $46 million, and it set a record for Paul Feig/Melissa McCarthy movies. I know a lot of folks don’t feel the movie’s deserving of any kind of accolades. As you saw above, I didn’t watch it, but I still think it’s not as bad as people would like me to believe. I swear, though, had they named it anything other than Ghostbusters, we’d still be talking about it.

7/29/16 – DC Entertainment

DC, back with their SECOND West Week Ever of the year? The word on the street was that they “won” San Diego Comic Con, with their new footage of Justice League, as well as the debut of the Wonder Woman trailer. Considering Marvel usually dominates SDCC, this was a feat worth acknowledging.

8/12/16 – Suicide Squad

The movie made $160 million in 5 days, which is nothing to sneeze at. Plus, I actually enjoyed it. I didn’t like it as a component of DC’s cinematic world building, but I liked it as a standalone thing on its own.

8/19/16 – Ryan Lochte

He was an Olympian at the center of a fake robbery attempt in a foreign country, who then fled to let his teammates take the fall. It’s the stuff of a great Aaron Spelling show. He had the West Week Ever simply because he got away with it.

8/26/16 – Guardians trailer

Slow news week, even if the trailer is pretty awesome. Billed as “Russia’s Avengers”, the English version of Guardians trailer started making the rounds because of its crazy action and gun-wielding bear man. Yeah, you’ve gotta see it to believe it. The movie might not even be released over here, and if it is, it’ll never get higher than cult status. Still, if you want to know what everyone was talking about that week, it was Guardians.

9/2/16 – Are You Being Served? one-off special

Some might say this was a slow news week, but I think this applied the West Week Ever to an international stage when I typically just focus on the US. After all, this special didn’t even air in America (nor has it since, nor do there seem to be plans to do so in the future), and I had to resort watching it on YouTube. Still, I grew up with Are You Being Served? and I was more than curious to see how an update of it might hold up. With a few small exceptions, it was pitch perfect, and definitely in the spirit of the original series. This one might’ve been a bit personal for me, but I think it was the best part of this particular week.

9/9/16 – Atlanta

The show just won the Golden Globe for Best Comedy Series. I think I called this one correctly.

9/16/16 – Better Late Than Never

Another personal one for me, but it’s my site, so whatever. I’m more than certain none of my friends were watching this show, but I watched it weekly with my mom and we enjoyed it. I wrote about it to get folks to seek it out, but I doubt that happened. Still, in a week when nothing happens, things like this are allowed to shine.

9/23/16 – Lindsay West

Mah wife. Running your first half marathon is pretty impressive. And nothing happened in the overall pop culture world. If you’ve followed West Week Ever since the beginning, you know that every so often some random person gets the honor. Hell, last year, my kid had the West Year Ever, so you never know where I might play that card.

10/7/16 – Luke Cage

It broke Netflix! So many people tuned in that Netflix couldn’t handle it. I still haven’t seen it, but I haven’t heard a bad thing about it other than the fact that it kinda drags in the middle – like most Marvel Netflix shows.

10/14/16 – Will & Grace

Considering I think I was the only one impressed by this Will & Grace special that was designed to get folks to get out and vote, I’m sure a lot of folks disagreed with this choice. Still, if you were a Will & Grace fan, then you can’t deny how great it was to see those characters in a way that felt like they’d never left us.

10/21/16 – Logan trailer

Can’t say much more because the movie’s not out yet, but we were ALL talking about this after it dropped, and it’s on most folks’ most anticipated movies of 2017 lists. I don’t think it’s going to disappoint.

10/28/16 – The Walking Dead

I don’t watch it, but I did tune into this episode just to watch a man die. Or two men. Whatever. All folks could talk about this week was whether or not the show had gone too far. The Walking Dead dominated the discussion, so this West Week Ever was well-deserved.

11/4/16 – The Chicago Cubs

Um, the “cursed” team won their first championship after 108 years. Yeah, this was deserved.

12/2/16 – Search Party

I don’t feel like a lot of my readers had seen the show when I wrote this, but I know a few who checked it out because I’d written about it. That’s why I do this, kids! It was one of my favorite shows of 2017, and if you haven’t checked it out yet, I’m not quite sure what you’re waiting for.

12/9/16 – Hamilton

Hamilton for the second time this year. The last time was for its Tony wins, but this one was two-fold: The Hamilton Mixtape was released and a beautifully pirated copy of the play was uploaded to YouTube. I watched it during the 5 days that it was allowed to stay on the site, and I can now die saying that I saw Hamilton. This was on the heels of a controversy where the cast members took a moment to address Vice President-Elect Mike Pence while he was taking in the show. For the next week, the conversation was whether or not they should’ve done that. So, it’s safe to say that Hamilton was on everyone’s lips around that time.

12/16/16 – WWE’s New Day

Yeah, then the lost two days after I posted this. I guess that’s how the cookie crumbles. Still, they deserved the West Week Ever for all they had put in leading up to this point.

12/23/16 – Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

It was the last thing to make a dent in pop culture before the clock ran out on 2016. A lot of folks are saying it’s one of their favorite Star Wars movies. I don’t really get that, but I’m happy for them if that’s the case. I thought it was entertaining, but I didn’t really like it. It’s hard to explain, and I’ve tried. Still, there’s no way anything else is going to take center stage when there’s new Star Wars to be consumed.

So, who had the West Year Ever? In the past, I’ve added up who had the most West Week Ever wins and then it’s a runoff. If we’re being honest, Death had the West Year Ever. There were SO many celebrity deaths this year, that it would take another post just to do a proper In Memoriam for everyone we lost. And of course, you have those guys who wanna “Neil deGrasse Tyson” everything by pointing out that people die all the time, or that the year is an arbitrary number. Whatever, asshole. That doesn’t help anybody, and it’s why you don’t get invited to many parties. Anyway, I don’t like to focus on death in West Week Ever -not because it’s morbid, but more because I feel like I’d have to acknowledge every celebrity death, even when I didn’t personally give a shit about that person. Ain’t nobody got time for that!

Doing the math, it’s a three-way tie between DC Entertainment, Captain America: Civil War, and Hamilton. DC Entertainment really stepped up this year, taking a good chunk of the comics market share away from Marvel, as well as by launching their cinematic universe. After years of being the joke of the industry, DC finally started pushing back. And the Rebirth initiative didn’t hurt things, either. Meanwhile, not everyone loved Civil War. I did, but even I’ll admit that it’s basically “Dawn of Justice Done Right”. They’re both superhero slugfests that surround the concept of dead moms. Some called it “Civil Bore”, but I don’t agree with that. Still, I have to kind of acknowledge that there is a divide out there. Finally, there’s Hamilton. It had a big year, but I don’t know if we’ll look back and say “Hamilton really came into its own in 2016.” If anything, that’s more likely to happen at a time when the show can more easily be consumed by the masses. So, Hamilton’s year may actually be ahead of it, but it’s not 2016. So, I think it’s pretty clear. 2016 was the year where retailers stopped buying everything Marvel was selling, and so did the fans. The quality of Marvel’s output was in question more this year than it was in recent years, yet people still seemed to be able to find positive things about the DC Universe. Meanwhile, their movies might not be your cup of tea, but they made money, and the critics haven’t deterred them from forging ahead. So, with that, I believe I simply have to admit that DC Entertainment had the West Year Ever.

[kidsviral-blog]

Disgusting: Lefty celebs crawl out to politicize Newtown, Conn., tragedy

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/disgusting-lefty-celebs-crawl-out-to-politicize-newtown-conn-tragedy/

Disgusting: Lefty celebs crawl out to politicize Newtown, Conn., tragedy

http://twitter.com/#!/MiaFarrow/status/279635528477982720

As Twitchy reported, ghoulish lefties immediately jumped on the opportunity to politicize this morning’s tragic school shooting in Newtown, Connecticut, that left nearly 30 people dead, most of whom were children. Now, right on cue, ignorant liberal celebrity vultures are swooping in to turn the tragedy into a gun control soapbox:

Past time!!! RT @sacca: 27 dead in a school shooting. 14 of them are kids. So tell me again, when are we allowed to talk about gun control?

— mia farrow (@MiaFarrow) December 14, 2012

I don’t want to hear one idiotic word out of the NRA

— mia farrow (@MiaFarrow) December 14, 2012

Gun control is no longer debatable- it’s not a ‘conversation’-It’s a moral mandate. ‘

— mia farrow (@MiaFarrow) December 14, 2012

The mission of your second term just arrived covered in blood, @barackobama. If Congress gets in your way, we’ll throw them out. #enough

— Gerry Duggan (@GerryDuggan) December 14, 2012

RT @miafarrow: Gun control is no longer debatable- it’s not a ‘conversation’-It’s a moral mandate. ‘ / YES. The time is now.

— Martha Plimpton (@MarthaPlimpton) December 14, 2012

ok so….is now that time to have “the conversation”?

— Questo of The Roots (@questlove) December 14, 2012

twitter.com/PerezHilton/st…

— Perez Hilton (@PerezHilton) December 14, 2012

I’m trying to be more positive these days but people who say “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people” – those people are fucking morons!

— Perez Hilton (@PerezHilton) December 14, 2012

Band-Aids-on-Band-Aids @nra people want MORE access to guns to combat all the people w access to guns.

— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) December 14, 2012

Can’t wait for the NRA to come running out in defense of fire arms. Again.

— Terry McMillan (@MsTerryMcMillan) December 14, 2012

What kind of nut case would shoot children at an elementary school and, a week before Christmas? A major nut case with a gun.

— Terry McMillan (@MsTerryMcMillan) December 14, 2012

I pray that we do! RT @aidansdaddy619: @deepakchopra Can we ban guns now? #ConnecticutTragedy

— Deepak Chopra (@DeepakChopra) December 14, 2012

We can’t limit the crazy people in the world, but we can limit what they have access to.

— John Francis Daley (@JohnFDaley) December 14, 2012

Just landed 2 news of a school shtg in CT! how many times cn we hear politicians say we r all shocked and saddened 2day,then do nothing

— DL Hughley (@RealDlHughley) December 14, 2012

GUN CONTROL.A Glock and a Sig Sauer aren’t for hunting deer and they won’t protect ‘We the people’ from a drone attack.

— Caterina Scorsone (@caterinatweets) December 14, 2012

So sad to hear about babies being shot in America. The poor families. When will they outlaw firearms?

— boygeorge (@BoyGeorge) December 14, 2012

My sentiments exactly. GUN CONTROL!!! Get guns out of killers hands twitter.com/MARLONLWAYANS/…

— marlon wayans (@MARLONLWAYANS) December 14, 2012

Stop tweeting. Take action. m.house.gov

— Zach Braff (@zachbraff) December 14, 2012

The 2nd amendment doesn’t mention automatic weapons or mindless slaughter, maybe a review would be useful….?

— Right Said Fred(@TheFreds) December 14, 2012

https://twitter.com/NancyLeeGrahn/status/279639468003168257

Here seemingly normal guy, here’s a gun, hell, here’s 4. Hope u neverlose ur shit & kill a bunch of kids. Have a nice day. #Gunskill

— Nancy Lee Grahn (@NancyLeeGrahn) December 14, 2012

Next time, babies. Well done American gun zealots. Keep up the good work.

— Salman Rushdie (@SalmanRushdie) December 14, 2012

School killings not acceptable trade-off for less restrictive gun laws. We need more controls on all firearms.Founding Fathers would agree.

— Andrew Zimmern (@andrewzimmern) December 14, 2012

The rights of those who own and use guns within legal parameters are not worth the lives wasted by those who do not.

— Ethan Suplee (@EthanSuplee) December 14, 2012

Today is NOT the day to talk about gun control, Today is the day to finally DO SOMETHING about it! bit.ly/Xne2Yu PLS RETWEET #Newtown

— Russell Simmons (@UncleRUSH) December 14, 2012

https://twitter.com/JanelleMonae/status/279718081545269248

No Gun Control!Just people slaughtered! Second amendment my ass!

— Danny DeVito (@DannyDeVito) December 14, 2012

Its gonna b hard to b funny today with a heavy heart over school shootings. No more guns! Enough tragedy!

— John Leguizamo (@JohnLeguizamo) December 14, 2012

https://twitter.com/michaelurie/status/279654061891006464

OMG!! My prayers go out to all of the families affected by the school shooting in Connecticut!!My heart aches!! WHY?? #GuncontrolASAP

— Vivica A. Fox (@MsVivicaFox) December 14, 2012

Guns don’t kill people. Clouds and balloons kill people.Oh.Wait.Nope… it’s fucking guns.

— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) December 14, 2012

How many times do thoughts&prayers have 2go out 2victims &their families b4 something gets done about gun violence in this country? #newtown

— Daniel Dae Kim (@danieldaekim) December 14, 2012

This is the stupidest sentence ever spoken “Guns don’t kill people. People do.”#BradyBill #obama #guncontrol #connecticut

— Matthew Modine (@MatthewModine) December 14, 2012

#GUNCONTROL #OBAMA twitter.com/MatthewModine/…

— Matthew Modine (@MatthewModine) December 14, 2012

it’s too easy for a monster to get a gun. solution: NO ONE GETS GUNS. sorry if this is an inconvenience for your complete need to have one.

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) December 14, 2012

Look at that number of dead kids and their teachers and tell me with a straight fucking face our laws are currently fine the way they are.

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) December 14, 2012

Gun control is our only road to freedom. Freedom from the fear of senselessly losing children. I’m so saddened. WE NEED LAWS NOW.

— Rashida Jones (@iamrashidajones) December 14, 2012

Gun lovers are the first to remind you this should be a “day of mourning”. How about we mourn & make it harder to get guns on the same day?

— Rashida Jones (@iamrashidajones) December 14, 2012

My heart breaks for the victims & community of Newtown. Impossible to grasp. Guns need to be banned & illegal sales need harsher punishment!

— Aubrey O’Day (@AubreyODay) December 14, 2012

So who is going to tell BOB COSTAS that he was wrong calling for gun sanity?

— Harvey Fierstein (@HarveyFierstein) December 14, 2012

Guns do nothing but encourage paranoid lunacy, arm fools and criminals, and rain grief and destruction down on the innocent.

— Harvey Fierstein (@HarveyFierstein) December 14, 2012

Heart aching over Connecticut. This doesn’t happen when people go nuts in Japan or UK because Americans are over-armed. We need to disarm!

— Sean Ono Lennon (@seanonolennon) December 14, 2012

We have to unite as a country and BAN assault weapons …. NO private party needs a semi automatic …This has to stop !!

— Kirstie Alley (@kirstiealley) December 14, 2012

If this tragedy doesn’t change something in this country regarding guns…I just want to scream and cry. Deeply saddened. Praying.

— Kourtney Kardashian (@KourtneyKardash) December 14, 2012

Sick over what happened in the world this week.We need better gun laws. My heart goes out to all those affected by the horrors.

— Jai Rodriguez (@jairodriguez) December 14, 2012

When do we get to seriously talk about gun control?

— Denis O’Hare (@denisohare) December 14, 2012

@iamjhud for sure . Pray and take action.. Another WAKE UP for guns.

— Oprah Winfrey (@Oprah) December 14, 2012

Hey people who govern:You know how afraid you are of the NRA? That’s NOTHING compared to the fear every parent shares today!

— Danny Zuker (@DannyZuker) December 14, 2012

Where is the love [?] I can’t believe this type of evil can happen…why would anyone kill children???…#protectchildrennotguns

— will.i.am (@iamwill) December 14, 2012

Explain the whole reason we need to have guns again? Just explain once more. I’m stupid. Somebody? Anybody?

— BD WONG (@BD_WONG) December 14, 2012

Our weekly mass shootings aren’t happening in other countries. And this time, children? WHEN WILL OUR “LEADERS” PUT AN END TO THIS INSANITY?

— Rachel Dratch (@TheRealDratch) December 14, 2012

A country that does nothing about gun control while witnessing the mass killings of innocent precious life, MUST wake up!Shattered.

— Goldie Hawn (@goldiehawn) December 14, 2012

Shocked and saddened by what happened today in Connecticut.We have to stop the access to guns in our country.

— Ben Stiller (@RedHourBen) December 14, 2012

I’m appalled by today’s shooting. The only reasonable reaction is to completely overhaul gun control policy. Anything else is disgraceful.

— olivia wilde (@oliviawilde) December 14, 2012

Fuck the NRA and the cowardly politicians who refuse to do a single goddamn thing about gun violence in America.

— Wil Wheaton (@wilw) December 14, 2012

Yeah, I’ll wade right the fuck into this: MORE gun control, MORE mental health services. It’s no longer a debate. Never was. #newtown

— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) December 14, 2012

I know everybody’s sending prayers out now but when will we get beyond prayers and get to real, effective action?

— John Legend (@johnlegend) December 15, 2012

I love how Americans think gun control, universal health care, etc, are SO TERRIBLE but they work so well in every other developed country.

— John Legend (@johnlegend) December 15, 2012

For crying out loud.. Why not at least try gun control for some time and see if it works? We can always go back!

— Mark Ruffalo (@Mruff221) December 15, 2012

HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE 2 HEAR”GUNMAN KILLS”FK The NRA !THEY PUT MONEY ABOVE YOUR CHILDREN’S LIVES.GUNS KILL PEOPLE,LITTLE INNOCENT 1’S

— Cher (@cher) December 15, 2012

Sorry but prayers and giving your kids hugs fix nothing; only having the balls to stand up to our insane selfish gun culture will.

— Bill Maher (@billmaher) December 15, 2012

These people are absolutely shameless. While they choose to exploit this horrific tragedy, we will continue to pray for the victims and their families.

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2012/12/14/disgusting-lefty-celebs-crawl-out-to-politicize-newtown-conn-tragedy/