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gardenofkore · 2 years

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"I am Manfredi, grandson to the Queen Costanza: whence I pray thee, when return'd, To my fair daughter go, the parent glad Of Aragonia and Sicilia's pride; And of the truth inform her, if of me Aught else be told. [...]

Look therefore if thou canst advance my bliss; Revealing to my good Costanza, how Thou hast beheld me, and beside the terms Laid on me of that interdict; for here By means of those below much profit comes.

Dante Alighieri, Divine Comedy, Purgatory, III, 112-117 & 141-145

Costanza was born around 1249 to Manfredi of Sicily and his first wife Beatrice of Savoy ("et filiam suam Constantiam, quam ex prima consorte sua Beatrice filiam quondam A. Comitis Sabaudiae"). The exact date is unknown, but historian Saba Malaspina attests that when she was born, her grandfather was still alive (“imperatore vivente"). As for the place, it might have been one of the Apulian castles where the Emperor settled down in the last period of his life.

Her wet nurse was Bella d’Amico, mother of admiral Roger of Lauria. Bella, while she was alive, never parted from Costanza, acting like a mother and confidante, especially since Beatrice of Savoy, Manfredi’s first wife, had died when her daughter was just months old.

Nothing is known about Costanza’s childhood. She’s first mentioned when Berthold von Hohenburg asked for her hand on behalf of his nephew Januarius, son of his brother Diepold VIII. Berthold had married Isotta Lancia, cousin of Manfredi’s mother Bianca, and certainly intended to deepen his relationship with the Hohenstaufen’s family. Manfredi, on the other hand, was strenghtening his position (to the point he would be crowned on August 1258 King of Sicily, despite the true heir, his nephew Corradino was still very much alive, although far away in Germany) and so he could afford to reject this marriage proposal.

From a princess of low importance (despite the pretentious name which honored her great-grandmother Costanza I), Costanza soon became a valuable asset and, until Manfredi’s second marriage to Epirote princess Elena Angelina Doukaina, her father’s heir. The Sicilian King then started looking for an important match for his daughter, and ended up selecting Peter, son of Aragonese King James I.

Marriage agreements required that Manfredi supplied his daughter of a dowry of 50000 golden ounces (worth in gold, silver and jewels). On the other hand, the Aragonese crown committed to return the dowry to her family if Costanza were to die without heirs. She would also act as regent for her children (until they were 20 years old) in case Peter were to die before her. In addition, the Sicilian princess was given personal ownership of the city of Girona and the castle of Cotlliure.

Still, the future union presented some problems. First of all, that 50000 golden ounces dowry was indeed a large amount. Manfredi had an hard time collecting it (he had to increase taxes and that spread discontent among the population) and a lot of time passed before the Aragonese crown could collect it (alongside with the bride). The Papacy was obviously against this marriage, and Urban IV asked James I to give up to this union to avoid disgracing his House. Furthermore, in order to save the plans of the future marriage between his daughter Isabella and the heir to the French throne, James had to promise King Louis IX to not support Manfredi in his fight against the Papacy, as well as not helping Provençal rebel Bonifaci VI de Castellana against Charles of Anjou (the King’s younger brother).

Despite all the external pressure, James didn’t give up to the Sicilian match and on July 13th 1262, Peter and Costanza got married in the church of Notre-Dame des Tables (Montpellier). The difference between the lavish Hohenstaufen court and the more simple Aragonese one was huge (“And the said King Manfred lived more magnificently that any lord in the world, and with greater doings, and with greater expenditure”), but thanks to the accounting records of the time, we know that James and Peter tried their best to meet Costanza’s need, purchasing large amounts of luxury items. Since the incomes deriving from Girona and Cotlliure weren’t enough, she was given an annual pension worthy of 30000 Real de Valencia (a type of billon coin) which also soon wasn’t enough to cover the expenses.

Following the death of Manfredi in the Battle of Tagliacozzo (1266) against Charles of Anjou, many of his former supporters (or simply people linked to him, like the former Nicaean Empress as well as his sister Costanza) fled the Kingdom of Sicily and took refuge in Aragon. The death of Corradino (executed in Naples in 1268 by order of Charles after the Battle of Benevento) and the fact that Manfredi’s sons from Helena Doukaina were just children and in French hands (they will die in captivity years later), made Costanza the only legitimate heir to the Sicilian crown. Starting this moment Costanza started being referred as queen (not infanta or madama) in the documents of the Aragonese Chancellery.

In 1276 James I died, and so Peter was crowned king of Aragon. In the meantime, Costanza had already given birth in 1265 (November 4th) to the firstborn and heir, Alfonso. Followed by another male, James (April 10th 1267), and then Isabella, future Queen consort of Portugal (1271), Frederick (December 13th 1272), Yolanda (1273) and finally Peter (1275). According to historian Muntaner, although it wasn’t a love marriage, Peter and Costanza came to care for each a lot and “there were never was so great love between husband and wife as there was between them, and always had been”.

On Easter 1282, Sicilians started their revolt against the French rule, starting the so called Sicilian Vespers. Peter was quick to reclaim the crown of Sicily and Apulia on behalf of his wife. To the eyes of many Sicilian nobles the King of Aragon could be considered their legitimated master due his marriage to Queen Costanza (”nostre natural senyor, per raho de la regina e de sos fills” ). Before leaving headed for Africa (from where he would launch his invasion of Sicily), Peter named Costanza and their son Alfonso regents of the Kingdom of Aragon during his absence. As soon as he took possession of the island, Peter asked his wife and their children James, Frederick and Yolanda to join him. When the Queen arrived in Trapani in the spring of 1283, she received a warm welcome and was saluted by the people as their natural leader (”cela qui era lur dona natural”; Bernat Desclot, Llibre del rei en Pere d'Aragó e dels seus antecessors passats, ch. 103).

It is around this period that her strained relationship with lady-in-waiting and de facto second lady of the Island, Macalda di Scaletta (wife of Alaimo da Lentini, Grand Justiciar of the Kingdom of Sicily), was born. Macalda, who is described by historical sources as an ambitious and greedy woman, had tried to seduce Peter of Aragon, but without success. Since the King had declared himself devoted to his wife, the Sicilian baroness developed a burning hate towards her rival, the Queen.

In Messina, Costanza could finally embrance her husband again, but their meeting only lasted three days and it was their last. The King named his wife Regent of the Kingdom of Sicily (“Quant lo rey hac estat ab sa muller e ab sos infants en la ciutat de Mecina, e hac stablit sos balles e sos vicaris per tota Cecilia, si los feu comandament que tots fessen lo manament de la reyna e de son fill En Jaume, axi com perell, e comana la reyna als homens de Cecilia e de Mecina, e sos fills”) and returned to Aragon as his rival, Charles of Anjou, had proposed a trial by combat (who would never take take place) to be ideally fought in Bordeaux to decide the fate of the contended Kingdom. Peter died two years later in Villafranca del Penedès (Catalonia), on November 11th 1285.

Before leaving Sicily, Peter had declared that the Kingdom wouldn’t be merged into the Aragonese-Catalan territories, mantaining his autonomy, and that in thet future the succession of the two reigns would be handled separately, specifically with the Sicilian throne bequeated to the second son (at that time, James, already named Lieutenant of the Realm).

With Peter dead, Costanza didn’t choose to rule over Sicily by herself despite being its titular queen, but, as it had already been decided, relinquished her rights to her second son James (although she would keep managing the island on his behalf), while Alfonso succeeded his father. In accord to the pre-nuptial arrangements, the Dowager Queen supported her teen son in the matter of ruling the Kingdoms he had inherited.

In 1284, Costanza’s milk brother, Roger of Lauria carried out a successful expedition in the Gulf of Naples. The admiral captured Charles of Salerno, the Angevin heir, and took him in Messina, where he was saved by the angry mob thanks to the intervention of the Dowager Queen. During the same raid, Lauria had freed Princess Beatrice of Hohenstaufen, Costanza’s younger half-sister. The Queen soon put her unfortunate sister under her protection, arranging Beatrice’s marriage with Costanza’s half-nephew, Manfredo IV Marquis of Saluzzo. The wedding was celebrated in October 1286 in Messina, and during the celebration the Princess had to give up on her rights to the Sicilian throne.

In 1290 she deployed troops to defend the city of Acre, but given the excommunication of Pope Martin IV against Peter III of Aragon and the Sicilian people, those troops were sent back. The following year, 1291, Acre would be conquered by Mamluk forces.

Also that year, Alfonso III died heirless. James succeeded him as King of Aragon, Valencia and Majorca, Count of Roussillon, Cerdanya and Barcelona, and, in normal circumstances, his brother Frederick would have inherited the Sicilian Crown, but James had other ideas. The new King kept Sicily for himself, naming Frederick Lieutenant of the Realm. The dispossessed Prince then left the Kingdom headed to Sicily, where he joined his mother Costanza.

Her son’s death represented a turning point in her life. Although already a pious woman, she started pondering about a future in the cloister and retired in a Clarisse nunnery she had personally founded in Messina.

In 1295, James signed the Treaty of Anagni, an accord signed by Boniface VIII, James II of Aragon, James II of Majorca, Charles II of Anjou and Philip IV of France, which should have put to an end to the Vespers War. As part of the terms, the King of Aragon had to return the island of Sicily to the Pope (let’s remember the fact that officially, since Norman times, the Kingdom of Sicily was actually one of the Papacy’s many fiefs, and that its lords were just lieutenants), who would in turn give it to Charles of Anjou, in exchange for the annulment of the excommunication weighing over him and the concession of the licentia invadendi (the permission to invade) concerning the islands of Sardinia and Corsica. The treaty required moreover a double dinastic union, James would have married Princess Blanche of Anjou, while her brother Robert was wed to James’ sister Yolanda.

There was someone in particular, though, who wasn’t happy about this settlements. Backed up by the Sicilian population who refused to return under French domination, Infante Frederick was crowned King of Sicily in Palermo on March 25th 1296, de facto nullifyng any attempt to stop the war.

This had a huge impact in his mother’s life. Unlike her son, Costanza had always recognized the Papal authority. By not accepting the treaty’s terms, Frederick had in fact rebelled against the Pope (not mentioning his own brother). Costanza chose then not to support him and, because of this, she had to leave Sicily since, as Papal emissaries put it, if she stayed she could be considered an accomplice (“E madona la regina Costança fo absolta per lo Papa, é tots aquells qui eren de sa companyia , si que tots dies oya missa; que axi ho hach a fer lo Papa, per convinença a les paus quel senyor rey Darago feu ab ell. Per que madona la regina parti de Sicilia ab deu galees , e anassen en Roma per pelegrinatge” in Crónica de Ramon Muntaner, ch CLXXXV).

Together with her longtime supporters, Giovanni da Procida and Roger of Lauria, in february 1297, she traveled to Rome where the Pope had promised to economically support her staying in Rome (although apparently it was a short-lived promise) and where she witnessed her daughter Yolanda’s marriage to Robert of Anjou. In 1299 the Dowager Queen returned to Catalonia and died in Barcelona on April 8th 1302 (“Non sine cordis amaritudine vobis presentibus intimamus quod die Veneris Sancta, quasi in media nocte, serenissima et karissima domina et mater nostra domina Constancia, fidelis recordacionis Aragonum regina, diem clausit extremum, ex quo tanto nos pungit doloris ictus acerbus quanto per eius obitum sentimus nos tante matris solacio destitutos.” in La muerte en la Casa Real de Aragón..., p.20).

Aside from many donations to various religious houses, in her will (dated february 1st 1299) Queen Costanza would include a small bequest in favor of her son Frederick with the condition he had to make peace with the Pope, observing thus the terms of the Treaty of Anagni.

She was buried wearing the Franciscan habit in the convent of St. Francis in Barcelona (“E a Barcelona ella fina , e lexas a la casa dels frares menors, ab son fill lo rey Nanfos, e muri menoreta vestida ” Crónica de Ramon Muntaner, ch CLXXXV). In 1852 her remains would be moved to Barcelona Cathedral by order of Queen Isabella II of Spain.

Sources

Claramunt Rodríguez Salvador, Alfonso III de Aragón

Corrao Pietro, PIETRO I di Sicilia, III d'Aragona in Dizionario Biografico degli Italiani, vol. 83

Desclot Bernat, Crónica

Ferrer Mallol María Teresa, Constanza de Sicilia

Hinojosa Montalvo José, Jaime II

La Mantia Giuseppe, FEDERICO II d'Aragona, re di Sicilia in Enciclopedia Italiana

La muerte en la Casa Real de Aragón Cartas de condolencia y anunciadoras de fallecimientos (siglos XIII al XVI), ARCHIVO DE LA CORONA DE ARAGÓN

Malaspina Saba, Rerum Sicularum

Muntaner Ramon, Crónica / translation by Lady Goodenough

Sicily/Naples: Counts & Kings

Walter Ingeborg, COSTANZA di Svevia, regina d'Aragona e di Sicilia in Dizionario Biografico degli Italiani, vol. 30

#historicwomendaily #history #women #history of women #historical women #costanza ii #House of Hohenstaufen #house of aragon and sicily #peter iii of aragon #norman swabian sicily #aragonese-spanish sicily #people of sicily #women of sicily #vespri siciliani #myedit #historyedit

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curiositasmundi · 24 days

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[...]

Ora, noi non vorremmo spingerci a dire che sia imparentato con Vincenzo Visco, detto dai contribuenti “Dracula” (a proposito: qualcuno ha più sentito parlare la Lega di flat tax?). Non è che lo vogliamo precisamente proporre come segretario del Pd al posto di Elly Schlein o come bandiera del “sistema” e dell’“establishment” (anzi: dell’élite) portato al governo dal Bilderberg e da George Soros. Però qualcosa dobbiamo dirla. Siamo lieti, ecco. Non abbiamo difficoltà a confessarlo. Siamo lieti che Matteo Salvini, l’uomo pescato più volte al mare insieme col pesce azzurro, attualmente vicepremier, ministro dei Trasporti e segretario della Lega, nei fatti rappresenti l’intersezione insiemistica di Giuliano Amato (quello del prelievo forzoso dei conti correnti) e di Mario Monti (quello dell’austerity).

Salvini è infatti vittima di una grave ingiustizia. Bisogna cominciare a dirlo. Giù le mani da Salvini! Egli viene infatti giudicato per quello che dice, e non per quello che fa. Dice che “con meno armi c’è meno guerra”? Sì, però non c’è nessuno in Parlamento che abbia votato con costanza, fedeltà (e accanimento) a favore dell’invio delle armi in Ucraina come Salvini e la Lega. Egli farà pure il putiniano da hotel Metropol su Facebook o su Instagram, ma poi guardatelo al Senato: è assai più atlantista di Giuseppe Conte e di gran parte del Pd che addirittura mette in discussione l’appartenenza dell’Italia alla Nato. Lui e Joe Biden: fratelli. Dicono che sia razzista. E in effetti su Instagram trasmette solo video di neri che fanno cose brutte. Però quale governo in Italia ha accolto più migranti di tutti? Ma quello con Salvini, ovviamente, che ha votato e fatto votare alla Lega il decreto flussi. Un record di neri sbarcati nel nostro paese (sai quanti video adesso sui social). E poi: chi ha cancellato il Superbonus? E chi ha cancellato il Reddito di cittadinanza? Lui, lui, e sempre lui. Matteo nostro. Il figlio segreto di Angela Merkel e Ursula von der Leyen. A Palazzo Chigi gli danno la sua Settimana Enigmistica con la biro, le sue forbici con la carta bianca per ritagliare gli elefanti e lui vota qualsiasi cosa. Certo le spara grosse, a volte sembra un picchiatello, non ha inibizioni né pudori né freni, ma non si può giudicare un uomo dalle apparenze. Per una volta, stiamo ai fatti. Questo fa tutto il contrario di quello che dice. E’ una garanzia: Salvini, (non) basta la parola.

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thenighttrain · 6 months

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Hi Leanne! Happy Monday and it's been a couple of weeks 💖 Amongst the 2024 fantasy releases I'm looking forward to reading (to name a few):

Goddess of the River by Vaishnavi Patel

A Feather So Black by Lyra Selene

Faebound by Saara El-Arifi

And I'm also intrigued about the premise of Darker By Four by June CL Tan!

I don't really have much luck enjoying ebooks lately, but I've recently picked up a copy of The Circus Train by Amita Parikh and really enjoyed it! How about you? What's your favourite read of the 2024 so far?

P.S. Your take on Guts and The Good Witch is perfectly valid!! Astrologically they're just not very compatible to earth dominants (bc too much fire / water)

P.P.S. Ahh I'm glad you've enjoyed Laufey's Letter to My 13 Year Old Self — I highly recommend the entirety of Bewitched: it's a very soothing and comforting record (and instrumentally it's a very Earth sign album to me) 💖

thank you for that list, i just added goddess of the river to my tbr - i remember kaikeyi is by the same author and i loved it. and same, darker by four is one of my most anticipated reads and i hope it lives up to expectations! i'm going to stalk your tbr, i trust your taste 100% <3

so far this year, i've enjoyed:

the fox wife by yangsze choo (i think you might like this one - check it out)

clytemnestra by costanza casati (i also think you'd like this??)

the tainted cup by robert jackson bennett

daughter of the bone forest by jasmine skye

root magic by eden royce

and yes haha guts is just way too loud for me and the good witch is so bleh, idk!!

#antoniosvivaldi #ask

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mood2you · 1 year

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Uh HarryKim "I have a feeling" "Oh boy..."

"I gave him a raised eyebrow. "Two suspicious conduct complains in one day plus breaking and entering. You must be going for some sort of personal record," Morelli said. "Costanza has a big mouth." "You were lucky it was Costanza, if it had been Gaspick, you'd be calling Vinnie for bail right now. (My emphasis) We were caught in a gust of wind, and we hunkered down into our jackets. "Can I talk to you off the record?" I asked Morelli. "Shit," Morelli said. "I hate when you start a conversation like this." "There's something about Uncle Mo." "Oh boy." "I'm serious!" "Okay," Morelli said. "So what have you got?" "A feeling." "If anybody else said that to me, I'd walk away." (Emphasis done) "Mo's gone FTA on a carrying charge. It would have gotten him a fine and a slap on the hand. It doesn't make sense." "Life never makes sense." "I've been out looking for him. He's nowhere. His car is gone, but his garage door was left open. There are dry goods in the garage. Things he wouldn't want stolen. It doesn't feel right. His store has been closed up for two days. No one knows where he is. His sister doesn't know. his..."

#disco elysium #Stephanie Plum #books #it would be funny. if Harry ran Kim over #that would be pretty. pretty good

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madssaunders111 · 10 months

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Liar, Liar! A Seinfeld x Saw AU

The story where everyone is guilty

Characters included: Jerry Seinfeld, Elaine Benes, Cosmo Kramer, Newman, Kenny Bania, George Costanza

Word count: 7.2K

Content Warnings: Torture, death, cursing, mentions of kidnapping, death of an animal

The trap in this fic is the Shotgun Carousel Trap from Saw VI (Six)

~•~

You had just finished a trap involving having to choose who lives between two people. You approached a pair of double doors and placed your ears against it. Faint voices shouted from the other side.

"Help! Is someone there"

"Rescue us?"

"What is this?"

"It's dark in here."

You opened the double doors and the lights turned on along with red spotlights. Your jaw dropped as you saw your six friends sitting on a carousel with their hands tied behind their backs.

"Y/N?" Elaine asked. "What is this?"

"How am I supposed to know Lainey?" You snarled as Jerry, George, Kramer, Kenny and Newman yelled and panicked.

"Get us out of here!" George shouted as he wriggled his body around.

"Is that a gun?" Kenny shouted as he stared down at it.

The carousel slowly continued spinning clockwise, the lights brightly cast down on the group. A tape recorder rest of the table near a machine that had a spike inside it. The recording started to play.

"Hello, Y/N. In front of you are six of your closest friends, friends who have been with you since the very beginning. However, each of them has secrets plaguing them, secrets that can possibly be scandalous. Six ride the carousel, and two can get off, regardless of what they confess. The decision of which two survive is entirely up to you. But remember, no decision comes without pain. All you have to do is press the buttons in the machine in unison and the person will be spared. However, if you don't make a decision, everyone here will perish. Choose wisely, Y/N. Oh, and good luck, you'll certainly need it." The tape ended and everyone's panic increased, including yours. Everyone started shouting on top of each other.

"Y/N, please! Look...I hooked up with Scott, your boyfriend! I did it! It was me!" Elaine shouted as her spot stopped in front of the mounted shotgun. "Oh fuck! Y/N! Please! Have mercy!" The shotgun cocked and the bullet slipped into the chamber. "Please! Forgive me!" Elaine shouted louder than ever.

"No. I can't be friends with a slut!" You shouted out of anger. "How could you do that to me? I loved Scott so much! And you had unprotected sex with him too?! Are you fucking insane? Were you that desperate?"

The shotgun's trigger released shooting Elaine hard in the chest. Jerry, George, Kramer, Kenny and Newman let out panicked shouts as Elaine's blood soaked Jerry's and George's faces and Kenny's and Newman's clothes.

"Oh God! Lainey!" Jerry shouted as he wriggled. His face and hair dripped with sweat.

"Better start confessing!" You shouted as the carousel started to spin again.

"Look, there is something I need to say!" Newman shouted as his spot stopped in front of the shotgun. His eyes widened in fear. "I kidnapped and killed someone's dog! He was always chasing me during my mail route, and he was extremely loud. I couldn't take it anymore! I needed it gone! Your eyes widened in shock.

"You did what?!" You shouted in anger.

"Yes! I admit it!" Newman shouted. "And the owner never found out and never will!"

"You monster!" You shouted. "I love dogs! Dot never hurt anyone, he was innocent!"

"He was a gross mutt!"

The shotgun cocked and aimed up at Newman's chest.

"Save me, damn it! I'll confess to Dot's owner I promise!"

The shotgun trigger released and shot the bullet into Newman's chest.

"Oh God!" Kramer shouted as his face stained with Newman's blood.

The carousel continued spinning again. Newman's and Elaine's bodies were slumped down with their chests torn open. The carousel made another round.

"Look, I want to confess something! More specifically to Jerry!" Kenny shouted.

"Let me guess: Because you steal my jokes and material and pass it off as yours?" Jerry shouted.

"Well..."

Kenny's spot stopped in front of the shotgun.

"Look, I may have stolen Jerry's jokes, but I can never come up with my own stuff! I am a people pleaser! Please, let me live!" Kenny pleaded.

"People pleaser is an understatement!" Jerry shouted. "Now, I know why you always performed after me!"

"Kenny, Jerry, stop arguing!" Kramer shouted.

"Please, Y/N. I beg you!" Kenny whimpered.

"Plagiarism is against the law you know that right Bania?" You asked.

"Yeah...but it's not applied to comedy routines, just books and essays."

You turned your gaze towards the spike machine. You leaned your hand towards it.

"Push the button! Do it!" Kenny pleaded. As you stared the machine down, you moved your hand away.

"No! No!" Kenny shouted.

The shotgun cocked again and pointed upward toward Kenny's chest. Kenny wriggled and whimpered as the shotgun released the bullet into his chest. His body slumped down and blood dripped down his shirt.

"Holy crap!" George shouted.

His and Kramer's faces were stained with Kenny's blood while the back of Jerry's shirt was splattered. The carousel started spinning again.

"Three left! Confess now!" You shouted.

"I have nothing to hide! Honest!" Jerry shouted. "I haven't broken a law or anything!"

"Kramer, George!" You shouted.

"I may have pretended to be handicapped just to get a better bathroom...but it wasn't that bad!" George shouted.

"The fuck?" You shouted back.

" I apologized for it!" George whimpered. "But either way I still did it!"

The carousel stopped and George sat in front of the shotgun. His eyes widened in fear. “Please, Y/N, have a heart! I don't want to be like Elaine, Newman, and Kenny!" George pleaded. "Please! I'm sorry!”

"Remember Susan? Your fiance? She died because of envelopes YOU picked out!" You shouted.

"That wasn't my fault! I didn't know they were toxic!"

"They were extremely cheap! That should've been the first hint!"

"I apologized!"

The shotgun cocked and pointed up at George. "Y/N! Y/N! Please!"

The shotgun's trigger was pulled and the bullet shot into George's chest. His body slumped down and blood dripped down. Kramer and Jerry wriggled in fear.

"Jesus!" Jerry shouted.

The carousel started spinning again.

"Please, Y/N. Please!" Jerry wriggled his body around.

"What have you done Seinfeld? Anything illegal?" You asked. "Anything you want to confess?"

"I think this is fucked up!" Jerry shouted.

"Didn't you park in a handicapped parking spot?" Kramer shouted.

"Well yes...but because of you!"

"It wasn't my idea, it was George's!"

“Well, it was one of your guys’ idea!” I shouted as the carousel stopped. Jerry was positioned in front of the gun.

“Please, Y/N, you know me!” Jerry pleaded. “I’ve never committed a crime in my life.”

“You might not have committed a crime but you did buy an Indian statue from the pawn shop and give it to one of Elaine’s friends who was a Native-American!”

“So…I didn’t know that!” Jerry shouted. “Please, no!” The shotgun loaded and released the trigger. Blood splattered out of Jerry’s chest.

“Crap!” Kramer shouted as the carousel descended again. As the carousel stopped, he realized that he was the only one alive. “Well that’s over, huh?!”

You looked down at the machine in shame.

“When you’re killing me, you look at me!” Kramer shouted as he wriggled in the chains. The shotgun loaded and seconds later shot into his chest.

The room was silent and still. You let out a quiet sigh and left the room closing the door behind you, leaving the six bodies trapped.

#imagines #seinfeld #90s sitcom #george costanza #newman #saw #cosmo kramer #jerry seinfeld #Elaine Benes #saw trap #shotgun carousel #80s

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pascal1972 · 1 year

Video

youtube

Jason Alexander Re-Records Costanza's Message for Kat Dennings

#youtube

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janiedean · 2 years

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Hi Lavi! I’ve just arrived in Rome for a 3 month stay! First time here so I was hoping for some local advice on things to do/see/eat :) any tips will be appreciated! P.S the ask function on the web version seems to be broken :/

hello anon! first of all sorry for replying so late yesterday I got home at like eleven something and I conked out X_X and thanks for the heads up wrt the ask, it's weird because on my web it works but I'll do a double check

that said WELCOME TO ROME I HOPE YOU DON'T END UP LOATHING YOUR STAY THANKS TO HORRID PUBLIC TRANSPORT, that said let me check because I think I had a tag exactly for stuff to do/see in rome let me see if I can give you a round up

eating advice

basic italian + advice on where to go

anyway I realized half of the posts in that tag are in italian so I'll just go at it again at random (and if you ever need advice or anything feel free to ask :D)

if you're here for three months you can take it easy and see all the stuff I mentioned in the second post with all the time in the world, also the vatican museums are free on the last sunday of the month so if you want to wake up early and brave the crowd you can save a bunch of money ;)

that said in between than the usuals - the center with coliseum/roman forum/trevi fountain/piazza del popolo/piazza venezia/campo dei fiori/piazza navona route - there's the free caravaggio paintings in the churches that I always recommend seeing asap - two are in santa maria del popolo (in piazza del popolo), three are in san luigi dei francesi (behind piazza navona), one is in sant'agostino (also near piazza navona)

also going by sculptors not counting of course sant'agnese in piazza navona (borromini) with the bernini fountain in front of it, there's san carlo alle quattro fontane (borromini) which has weird opening times but it's 100% worth visiting - that one is nearer termini station at the quattro fontane street crossing, and on the way there's also santa maria della vittoria near termini where not many ppl know there's bernini's ecstasy of st. theresa (idk every time I bring people there without telling them what it is they all go !!! omg !! XD)

always talking churches, ofc you're gonna visit st. peter's at some point (count that after covid they made it kind of harder to go in so get ready to queue), concerning basilicas I'm more partial to st. paul (there's a convenient metro station thankfully), santa maria maggiore (behind termini station) and san giovanni (there's a metro station), and in the san giovanni area (which is like in the middle of termini/coliseum) there's also san clemente which has protochristian catacombs and tunnels and is very cool to visit

talking about protochristian basilicas, sant'agnese and santa costanza are a bit out of the way but they're the earliest we have and very much worth visiting

musei capitolini are a must for archeological stuff and the roman museum next to termini is a must for ancient rome (there's also the terme di diocleziano in front of termini which are also cool)

for less commonly visited museums, centrale montemartini is v. cool because it's a former factory that houses roman artifacts

always close to termini there's rione monti which has santa prassede (lovely church with ancient mosaics) and a lot of second-hand shops/nice places to eat/have brunch

if you're interested in anthropology there's the museums in the EUR neighborhood which have a lot of cool stuff tho idk if they're still open because they were doing a renovation a while ago honestly I have no idea

when it comes to eating/going out etc go to san lorenzo for cheap drinks and nice food, it also has a lot of local flavor™ and it has my favorite surviving record shop in this city lmao

trastevere is also a must-go tho it's very gentrified these days but also very good food/drinks/brunch options, the church in the main square is a great visit and I think it's one of the few medieval-ish ones we have before baroque took hold and it's still v. good to eat, I think I mentioned a few places in the first post

idt I mentioned mr 100 tiramisù near piazza navona until now so I'll do it now because it has the best tiramisù and you can have it in 100 different variants ;)

campo dei fiori is also top notch for drinks and food also it's my favorite place in this city and camping under giordano bruno's statue is <3, also there's an independent bookshop nearby named fahrenheit 451 where you can look at a copy of said book bradbury gifted the owner and has a nice selection of stuff, they also have an english section that's not that extra but they're nice to visit

there used to be the angloamerican bookshop too for english stuff which used to be larger now they moved in a smaller place but it's still a thing, their prices are what they are but what can you do, otherwise there's some nice used english bookshops in trastevere I think in via della lungaretta but anyway if you walk through the place you'll find them fairly soon

at the piramide metro stop you'll find other than the eponymous pyramid the not-catholic cemetery which is imvho a lovely place to visit there's keats and shelley being buried there and a bunch of other famous people (italians mostly) but yeah I like going there X°D

in that spirit, right under the spanish steps there's the keats/shelley house museum dedicated to the aforementioned poets as it's the house where keats died and I haven't been in ages but it was a v good visit

in that spirit, remember to visit villa borghese AND to go to the galleria borghese museum aka one of the most important we have with prompt reminder that you need to book in advance and you only have two hours to visit so you need to time it right

in that spirit also check out the barberini musem (more caravaggio and other painters)

that said your museum priority should be the vaticans but again you have three months to see them so ;)

also go to san pietro in vincoli for michelangelo sculptures ;)

also I think I said it in one of prev. posts but for coffee go to sant'eustachio near piazza argentina it's the best

also I don't remember if I said it in the eating advice post but be kind to yourself go to the jewish quarter (always near campo dei fiori/piazza argentina) in via portico di ottavia, pick a restaurant (my favorite is the full-kosher ba ghetto it's at the beginning of the street) and try roman jewish food because it's heavenly and for the love of yourself even if you don't usually like artichokes do get jewish artichokes you'll thank me for that but again all of them are good I just think BG is superior

also in the same street if you go before 2pm there's a homerun pastry shop at the left corner of the street (it doesn't have a name but there's queues outside) where they make jewish sweets until they run out and they have excellent dark cherry pie which is to die for (in alternative there's another bakery just round the corner which has a more modern look/feel which is also great)

if you're here three months you're probably here for hannukkah and you should probably visit it then too they make special food and they have like events and such

do not ever eat in places where they give you the standard menu ie pizza/pasta + coffee + drink especially in the center that stuff is tourist trap and the food sucks you won't spend much more if you go to a normal restaurant unless it's extra fancy and you get like one dish and not two and it'll be way better

do not go up on the st. peter's dome it's a longass line and you pay and the view is meh, go to the gianicolo hill or the pincio terrace in villa borghese and your view will be better and 100% free

the public transport sucks ass like it does so expect the buses to pass whenever they like and the metros to work just if it's the A line, anyway I'd advise you to get a monthly ticket thrice so you can take buses/trains/metro/tram within the city and to download citymapper which is the most reliable app for all of the public transport here in my experience (there's probus roma as well but citymapper is more accurate as far as I've seen), also if you download one named mycicero you can buy tickets through it and have them on your phone all the time if you'd rather not get the piece of paper or go through the hassle of getting the plastic card

only take taxis if you're ready to pay a lot for it

also now that I think about it

if you wanna take a detour one day go to tivoli to see villa adriana it's amazing

you can go to castel gandolfo for the pope's summer residence which I think is now open to the public but I could be wrong

if you take the infamous train to ostia from piramide station you can go to ostia antica which is an archeological park with great roman ruins, that is if you survive the trip /s sorry that train just generally sucks but if you take it that one time it's okay XD

near the vatican there's a great japanese pastry shop named hiromi cake which if you're into that kinda sweet you might want to visit

if you shop at supermarkets todis is the most convenient, carrefour is the most pricey, coop is like most economical-but-good in between non-discounts and conad is midway, naturasi is for like natural stuff/bio things and it's pricey af (IK YOU DIDN'T ASK THAT BUT I FIND SUPERMARKET ADVICE GENERALLY USEFUL SO XD)

if you need a doctor it's free, idk how it works for foreigners staying long but in case you might need one and you aren't sorted out on that yet ask for the nearest guardia medica and they'll sort you out if you're outside, if you're at home get someone to call them and they'll arrive at your house (if you go to the hospital you might have to pay a fee but it's usually 20 euros for everything)

... okay I think I exhausted myself but if you want more info or need help or whatnot feel free to either send another ask or dm me using a throwaway if you don't want to deanon, enjoy your stay!!! <3

#anonymous #ask post #welcome to rome #sorry this is so late #i managed to wrap it up after hOURS rip

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