#Craziest thing that happened in this life yet? Moving out.

[surohsopsisofclouds]

Me when I remember how many weird stories I have the potential to pull out of my hat at any moment.

[moonlesslights]

Two Idiots in Love

Miguel O'Hara x Reader

Warnings: Sex, P in V, choking, breeding kink, innuendos, Miguel it's fucking hard to talk to.

A/N: Hope you enjoy this, I haven't sleep well for three days trying to get it done, but it's finally here. Love y'all xoxox

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Ok, but what about you becoming an Spider just about a year ago?

You are managing just fine.

Things got nasty for a while, that’s true. Your uncle died, your new responsibilities caught up on you, you almost die fighting some bad guys on your first months… And now you just try to eat three times a day (sometimes it doesn’t happen), pray to get more than six hours of sleep and do good in college.

But then, out of fucking nowhere, just when you were making peace with what your life was now and who you are, your identity, your place in this big ass world where you were completely alone to bear this double life… This giant prick with sullen face and cheeks the size of the moon comes into your life to tell you you’re not alone, everyone here has experienced the same or worse, stop being so dramatic.

So, in a second, your protagonist moment turns to you finding out there were thousands like you out there. And your whole life goes upside down.

Because now you don’t have to protect and look out only for your Earth, your city; but everyone else’s too. You have to travel to the most craziest worlds you could’ve ever imagine and fight horrible creatures you couldn’t even conceive its existence. And to make things even worst, Mr. Wide Hindquarters took an special hold of you to help him out with anything he would be ‘to busy’ to do. Like inform new recruits about their missions, filling out reports, doing research either respecting to what he occupied in the laboratory or to some universe yet to be explored… Whatever he needed, you would be called in to do it.

Some Spiders told you you were lucky, not many could work that close to Miguel, let alone being in charge of so many things without screwing something up and getting ‘their head ripped’. Even Lyla tells you that you’re something special, specially on the hard days, that’s why Miguel trusts you so much. After that you would just smile tiredly at her, whispering it was okay. Then Lyla would go face Miguel and demand him with a raised eyebrow to give you a break.

You manage for a few months, surrendering yourself to this strange routine. And your even more strange companion.

Every day you walk in to his space, every day he is already there. You turn a personal mission to arrive before he does. You never make it. The man apparently didn’t sleep and you aren’t waking the fuck up at 3:00am to prove a point or find out. So you let it be as another mystery to be solved.

“Good morning.” You wave your hand at him, making your presence known with that. Sometimes between a yawn, sometimes still cleaning the sleepiness off of your eyes.

“Good morning…” He always adds your last name to his greetings. It makes you feel like you are being scolded. Most of the time he is at the tables, working through the screens; if he’s not there, he’s at the lab, measuring substances with the help of crystal clear instruments.

Without looking at you, he points with his chin to the steaming coffee under the express machine. Through the weeks he has learned exactly how you like it. The first ones he made you were exactly like his: Awful. That couldn’t be drinkable. But you thought it was nice of him to always have hot coffee for you, so you didn’t say anything. But the faces you made at every sip were worth a thousand words.

Now, as you drink today’s, you cannot avoid thinking how cute that big stoic man must look every morning pouring the exact amount of sugar and cream you like into the cup. Moving the liquid with a tiny spoon until is all mixed.

He doesn’t talk much.

No more than orders and “Go home” followed by a “Good night”. You let him be for the first weeks. Not your business. But after the first month you knew you would go crazy if you continued this way of living.

You needed to talk to him. You needed to make things less awkward. He was your only human contact sometimes for entire days, and you cannot stand the fact of barely talking to him.

You don’t have idea how does the term “coworkers” serves on his Earth, but in yours, Human Relationships are encouraged to happen for the sake of teamwork.

With that very idea well tangled on your mind, one of those long days, you take a deep breath, imagine him naked (which isn’t difficult to be honest), stare deep into the space and say:

“Sohowhaveyoubeen?” Squeaking as fast as you can.

Miguel stops whatever the hell he is doing and turns his head to the right, side eyeing you with a raised eyebrow. You don’t even look at him, continuing to fill the document in front of you with the most unstable smile he could have seen in his entire life. Then, he turns around again, coming back to typing into one of the screens. You almost think he has completely ignored you until he answers in another fast and neutral line:

“I’m good.”

You give him an acknowledging nod, smiling softly and returning to your duties.

You had never wished so much to be victim of a lost bullet. Like right now. Like right fucking now. Please.

For one more week you took another personal mission: making a question a day.

“How was your day?”, “Did you have breakfast?”, “How was yesterday’s mission?”… It would be a good day if you got more than a monosyllable for answer. It was embarrassing, really. And Lyla looking at you with a grimace made it ten times worst.

After that, you just came in the eighth day and remained silent, focused in finishing all your work as soon as possible rather than trying to make your prick boss to talk to you. You felt bad, actually. Maybe he just doesn't like to talk, maybe you were making him uncomfortable, maybe... Maybe he's just an arse. Yeah, that is probably the right...

"Hm? Uh, what... What is this?" You look up from your tablet, facing the broad of his back walking to the desk at the other side of the room. You raise an eyebrow at the small cardboard box in front of you, the one that Miguel just left there.

"Food." He says as answering the very question to the origin of the universe.

"For me?" You tilt your head and he looks at you like you were stupid. You frown. How were you supposed to know that, when he barely even looks at you?!

"I did too much." He explains. "... So I brought you some. You can throw it away if you don't want it."

You look down at the box again, watching it as the weirdest of things, and cannot help the little smile that creeps up to your lips. You knew Miguel didn't eat at the HQ cafeteria, since he owns an apartment close from here, so this was completely homemade. Hm, you never thought he was into cooking.

"Why can't I give it to someone else if I don't like it?" You respond with an easy smile, almost teasing him.

"Throw it." He sentences without even looking back at you.

You side eye Lyla at your left, who winks at you. This is a whole ass victory. And you and the little hologram girl knew internally Miguel did not like the day you decided to stop trying to talk to him.

"Thank you." You finally murmur. "I really appreciate it."

"It's just leftovers..."

You nod, pursing your lips and… Still smiling. Fuck it. It was obvious he was going to dismiss it with something like that.

None of you says anything else for the rest of the day, but you make the choice to keep trying on the small talk every day and Miguel, apparently, started to mess up the amount of ingredients for his meals and brings leftovers almost daily.

You continue with this new routine for another couple of weeks.

With the time passing, you gain more and more confidence to talk to the big guy. Most of the times he doesn’t engage in the conversation, it is just you saying your thoughts out loud and telling him everything about your life at college, 'till the point he has a personal beef with some of your classmates. I mean, he doesn’t say it but he surely grunts under his breath every time you mention their name.

Gwen did asked you at some point if he really listened to you or if he just... Left you. You wondered the same for exactly... two hours.

"... And I handed him my essay, right? And he looks at me and says: 'So are you going to tell me who is helping you with these or am I going to find out myself?' So I obviously told him nobody was helping me, I just like doing them. And he freaking threatened me saying that if he founds out he's going to fail me. Like... He doesn't even listens. Agh, he hates me..."

"Is the same one who got angry because you were late to his lecture about himself and his recently published book?" That was a week ago. And he remembered.

You nod, sighing. Miguel clicks his tongue, shaking his head with disapproval.

He might not be talkative (at least for now) but he listens to you. You have no doubt left about that. He may not say a single word while you drop a hundred for minute, but he would come the next day asking "How was the test?" or would know you have classes with that professor and add to his daily good night a soft "Good luck tomorrow." You even start catching him lifting the left corner of his lips when you drop a bad joke about all the things you need to get done by the end of the day or about something you heard on your way there.

You noticed it when certain Spider came in to a meeting, a Spider two days ago you and Miguel had gossiped about because you were told something by your friends on Wednesday, Miguel heard some more on Thursday and with a final comment you put the pieces together on Friday, looking at him with a wide proud open mouth as he shook his head with a soft chuckle. Talking to the Spider in question Miguel would turn to you with the most neutral and blank expression and you would still fight to hide your smile at the memory of everything you found out during the week. No one ever noticed and you liked it. Miguel liked it. It was like a private joke only the two of you could share.

"But what would happen?" This was the part Miguel didn't like. "Like, how would you know I would fuck up something?"

"You cannot give Noir a kaleidoscope." He sentences, giving you another raised eyebrow.

You were in the middle of the daily session of Instructive and Informative questions, according to Lyla and you. Miguel prefers to call them Destructive and Irritating.

After today's mission you had taken a particular soft spot fo the black and white Spider, to the misfortune of your boss. So the whole session has been about the long shot of taking special gifts from your dimension to him.

"But why? Really, what's the worst that could happen if I just give him a tiny little kaleidoscope?"

"Ay, Dios, dame paciencia... You already gave him a rainbow slinky spring toy, why do you keep insisting on gifting him more stuff?"

He fix his gaze on you as you lower your eyes down to your lap, fidgeting with your fingers. "... He just looks happy when he sees color."

Miguel sighs, pressing the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger.

"I know, but every one of us needs to respect the natural order of our Earth. He shouldn't keep taking things with him that shouldn't be there, do you understand?"

"But..."

"No more 'but's'. I want those reports done by the end of the day." Miguel returns his eyes back to the screen in front of him, dismissing you just with that action. "Get to work instead of keep losing our time with this."

He hates the way you comply to his orders. Hates the way you leave the space beside him empty to go working at the other side of the room, where he can only see your back. He hates when you refuse him to see your face.

The human part in him hates the questioning sessions because they always end up with your heart too big for your own good, crushed a little bit more. The human part in him is what brings him closer to you after a few minutes, talking you through some trivial topics until he can convince you it is all not as bad a it seems, until you smile again when you insist it's okay, that you just needed a minute, that you understand. And he might o might not tell you can give Noir that fucking kaleidoscope if you want it so much.

But some deep and primal part in him whispers into his veins to walk up to you, take you by your jaw, forcing you to look up at him and order you you better not refuse your face to him one more single time again. That if he wishes to see your eyes, the curve of your nose or your lips, you better fucking show them to him... Every day. Every. Time. He. Wants. To.

He gets frustrated when he catches himself in the middle of those thoughts, of the drives. He has been able to control it magnificently 'till now. But he fears the day he won't.

For another while you enjoyed the 'leftovers' brought to you too. But it also came to happen the one day, they stopped being leftovers:

You yawn as you make your way to the exit of the lab, making sure your alarm for tomorrow is correctly scheduled, you can not afford another harsh look from your professors one more time. The building has fallen silent already; most of its ordinary inhabitants have already retired to their rooms or to their home worlds.

Miguel walks up to you from behind, watching you standing at the door. Neither of them managed to see even a ray of sun today. He didn't care, he had something much better to watch all day… But he can't help but sigh at the thought of taking it from you.

"Italian or Mexican?" You turn to look at him, barely catching what he said. Both of your brows furrow and he glares at you while adjusting the neck of his jacket on. "For tomorrow's lunch. You want me to bring Italian or Mexican?"

"Oh, uhm..." You widen your eyes, surprised by the consideration. Pursing your lips and squinting, you think about it for a second, but the only possible answer comes immediately after: "Mexican."

"Hm." He nods, fixing his eyes to the front again.

Both start walking now towards the exit of the building. You know you can open your portal to go back home now, but you refuse to do so. Miguel knows there's an exit on the other side of the lab that leads him to a closer path to his apartment, but he refuses to take it. Because you always take this one.

"It's getting chilly." You whisper, watching the first snowflakes of the season falling on the other side of the big windows in the lobby. Miguel hums in response. "I like it, though. The first month working with you I had to carry a fan with me everywhere. I am so sorry for the cost of the electricity bill back then."

Miguel tugs at one corner of his lips, but only that. You tilt your head, glaring at him for a second before you take two fast steps to put yourself in front of him. The poor man has to stick his feet to the floor to avoid knocking over you.

He frowns, confused, and you look up at him with those same eyes filled with determination you put on when you look at the cookies he always -purposely- leaves on top of the highest cupboard in his office. He could only describe it as the face of a master plan, because you would always come back with ideas to get them down without asking him for help. And he loved to play guess with what you would do this time.

"Smile for me." You ask as you were some kind of cameraman, and if he was confused before he's into a new level now.

"What?"

"Y'know..." You bring both of your index fingers to the opposite sides of your face and part your own lips into a simple smile, like showing him what he was supposed to do.

"I know what smiling is." He frowns. "Why do you want me to do it?"

You shrug. "I just... I would be really happy to see it."

Miguel's expression remains unfazed, but he prays to every God out there you can't listen how hard his heart jumped inside his chest when your words reached him.

He swallows. His eyes fix on you and he brings both of the corners of his mouth up, exposing bright teeth and two big fangs that brush on his lower lip in the most precious awkward smile you could have ever seen. His brows are drawn together and he looks like he's in pain, and you know that even if a fucking meteor crashed down in the city right now, you still wouldn't be able to look away.

You clear your throat and lament how his smile is gone as soon as it came. You brush your hand at the back at your neck, nervous, fucking ashamed of your imprudence. Miguel raises an eyebrow at your reaction.

"Thank you. That was nice of you." You smile, avoiding his eyes and solely focusing on the snow awaiting for you. "I'm sorry if it was unpleasant for you. I didn't mean..."

Your words get caught up in your throat when you suddenly feel the texture of fabric coming around your neck. You turn back to look at the front again only to find Miguel tugging his scarf on you, with his fingers making sure it hugged every part of your skin your sweater couldn't.

"Miguel, no. It's even colder here than on my Earth. You need this more than I do." You frown with a worried expression washing over your features.

"You'll come back tomorrow pretty early. And it's going to be cold." You could try and argue about you having your own scarfs to bring tomorrow with you, but his eyes tell you he is not asking.

"... Thank you."

Miguel laments the moment your turn around, laments the moment you don't look at him anymore. He is sure the smile from a minute ago hadn't been anywhere near one of his best, and yet your eyes shone with the light of all the moons he's seen in all of the Earths he has visited.

And as you do a little wave when you start walking away before entering your portal, Miguel waves back, slowly and with only two unsure swings of his wrist. It was enough to make you smile anyway. It was enough to keep him standing there even after you were long gone wondering what the hell he was doing.

When Miguel began to bring food made specially to share, you began to bring desserts from your Earth for him to try.

You both started having lunch together after you told him how tired you were of eating while standing. Don't get me wrong, when you first told him he 'offered' you to go eat at the cafeteria if you wanted it so much. But when he dismisses you for the second time the next day with a 15 minute break to go find somewhere to sit, you, instead, sit down reluctantly at the very center of his work space, just a few meters behind him.

Miguel has to do a fucking double take to make sure he is seeing right before turning around at you calmly crossing your legs on the floor and unboxing today's meal with abrupt and resigned movements.

"Could you be so kind as to explain to me what you are doing?" He tilts his head with amusement when you take the first bite of your food.

"Eating."

"Sitting on the floor?" He raises an eyebrow.

"Sitting on the floor." You nod.

"Care to explain why?" He crosses his arms, pursing his lips when you refuse to raise your eyes at him.

"... Because of you." You murmur, taking another unnecessarily aggressive bite.

"Elaborate, please."

You keep on looking down, chewing the morsel in your mouth. Miguel awaits for you with well known experienced patience. By now, he recognizes when you are mad at him or the world, he sees how you fight to keep calm inside of all of this mess, that's why he always tries to encourage you to talk out the things that bother you, because he's there, he can listen; because he likes the way you smile after you let it all out.

And maybe...

"I don't care about eat sitting comfortably at the cafeteria. I want to eat with you. So if you want to stay here be my fucking guest. I'm staying here too."

Because you were the only one who could throw a tantrum at Miguel O'Hara without flinching.

You have earned that right. You didn't know when, because you insist you don't throw tantrums at him; you're a college student, basically an adult, you don't do tantrums. And still...

"Fine, spoiled girl..." He sighs, walking to get his own little box from the table and then coming to close the space between the two with a few long steps. He sits down right beside you, imitating the way you're crossing your legs. "If you want to eat on the floor, we can eat on the floor."

"I'm not spoiled." You hiss, giving him a deadly side eye that puts on a soft, almost unnoticeable grin on his face. Lyla had made fun of him a few days ago about him spoiling you, but instead of getting on his nerves he took a liking for the nickname. And now you suffer the consequences of it all. "And we wouldn't be eating on the floor if you decided to go to the cafeteria for once."

"... I hate talking to people."

You sigh, nodding. That's exactly why you never push him to do anything of that sort.

"I know." You turn to look at him out of the corner of your eye, noticing how he keeps his head low while eating. "Hey" You call for his attention, smiling. He blinks up to you, tilting his head. "It's okay." Your shoulder drops to his arm. "I like being here. I'm not stuck with you, you're stuck with me."

That makes his eyes catch a little bit more of light.

"Thank you." He whispers.

You stare at him for a second more and he fights to put all of the mess inside his head, his feelings, into his tongue... But he can't. You continue eating, and he knows you would never hold a grudge on him for it, and he's so thankful for that, for you being able to understand the way his actions speak when his words can't. But he still aches at the thought of never being able to tell you everything he wants.

The next morning you walk in to find out a new cleared space beside the screens with an elegant glass table and two chairs. It surely looked expensive, like everything he does and has, but for you, it's just the little corner where you can leave that particular cake from your Earth he seems to like so much, and then go to the laboratory to see the cake you seemed to like so much.

After two more weeks enjoying the day-to-day in the usual things in your life, you and Miguel got to a mission which revealed as the true calmness before the storm.

The anomaly you had fought was stronger than expected, more aggressive, more letal. Everyone had run lucky at least two times to escape from its claws, but you can still remember their closeness, the screams, the sirens at the distance. It all almost ends up with another canonic event altered.

"There's always a first time." Jessica had told you when you finally finished off the anomaly. She was worried about you, and you can't blame her. You haven't even registered how bad you were trembling until it was all over.

"Is there going to be a last time?" You replied, looking up at her with big eyes. And Miguel, only a few meters behind you, still trying to give some last orders to every Spider there, felt his heart breaking at the very sound of your words.

Nevertheless, thankfully, the universe remained perfectly fine and just a couple of hours later everyone was back home safely again. Most returned immediately to their Home Earths, but you, Miguel, Jessica, Lyla and a couple more had ten thousand things to do in the HQ before calling it a day.

"I thought I told you to go home an hour ago." Miguel points, coming from behind you.

You turn your head to look up at him and you can't not smile at the sight. The feeling of safeness that floods you when you see his huge figure entering any room hasn't wavered for a single second. He's still that solid ground you can always rest on when the world is to heavy to carry alone.

"I'm serious. What are you doing here?" He continues, grunting in pain when he drops his weight beside you. You turn to him, furrowing your brows in worry again. He had seen that expression in you so often today... And he hates it so much. "I'm okay. Just little scratches here and there."

You withdrawn your feet from the edge of the building where you had them hanging for an hour now and crawl your way to him, sitting down on your knees to try to be eye height with him.

Your right hand wanders to his bruised neck, there where the anomaly had left his horrible mark of the violence it brought within. You follow with your index the way the clotted blood draws on his skin, sending shivers down his spine.

"Does it hurt?" You ask.

"No." He responds in between goosebumps.

He loves the effect your touch has on him. He loves your little hands looking for him, tugging at his clothes to call for his attention, brushing against his when you pass him the tablet, documents, anything. He loves the busy days where he doesn't have time to eat, where he wouldn't eat if it wasn't for you sitting beside him as he works on the screens, you scrolling through your cellphone, taking little pieces of food with a spoon or a fork to bring them closer to his mouth so he could eat without even taking his eyes off the screen.

Ridiculous? Yeah. But he loved the intimacy within. The many forms your soft hands could soothe him.

But his? He hated them. He was scared of them. Their only use was to destruct, to tear flesh apart, not to...

"Show me." He asks, pointing with his chin at your left hand placed softly above your thigh.

"It's nothing."

"Let me see it." He insist and you carefully bring your arm up, placing your fingers against his when he holds out his hand for you. Your whole palm is bandaged, the work the doctor did on you was amazing, but he can still see dried blood on it.

He doesn't say anything when he finds your eyes on him, conflicted, hesitant. There is so much between both of you, so much unsaid, so much still to do. But he sees your doubt, he hates to be the cause of it. He stays still, but he wants to scream at you, to make your little head understand: "How can't you see?! Can't you see how much you mean to me?! You're the only thing in my mind when I'm fighting, because I know I have to win, I have to get out alive to see you again. Eres lo único por lo que mi corazón llama!... Can't you not hear it?"

Instead, the tips of his fingers brush on your skin, his eyes reflecting every single light of the city below.

"Come." It's only a whisper that leaves his mouth, and you need nothing more to jump into his embrace with a desperate sigh, immediately cuddling yourself up on his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck, looking for his warm.

Hold.

He loves to hold you.

His hands serve to hold you.

To hold you against him, to protect you from anyone who wants to rip you away from his arms. To keep you warm, to keep you safe, to let you know you're home.

"Aquí estoy." He whispers.

"I know." You reply.

You breath into his scent for a couple of minutes more, until the screams and the sirens fell low to the sound of Miguel's chest going up and down in a soothing swing, his breathing, turning into the only thing you could listen to.

By the time you got your head out of his neck, he was already waiting for you with a soft smile, smile that puts your attention on the deep cut on his lower lip.

"What happened?" You ask, carefully pulling from his flesh to see the whole extension of the wound.

He sighs, closing his eyes with embarrassment. "I bit myself during the fight."

You smile, shaking your head. Your fingernail taps against the right fang in question, testing the edge by gently pressing the tip into your fingertip.

"I hate them." Miguel breaths out. His eyes are now so dim that you struggle to say where are they looking at in the middle of the night darkness.

"Why?" You whisper, taking your finger back at his lip.

"Because I fear of them. I fear they'll hurt you like they hurt me."

You purse your lips and then take his hand placed on your hip, looking back at him with raised eyebrows.

"Is the same with these?"

He nods.

"They are made to kill. I have done so many horrible things with, caused so much damage and pain, I..."

"Did you know I'm scared of heights?" His trail of words stop at your interruption. You smile, looking down from the edge, turning away form him just a little. "Ironic, for a Spider. But I still fight with it every single day. I always get so sticky when I'm on top of a building for too long it's embarrassing but..." You raise your hand in front of him, waving your fingers with a playful smile. "I'm not sticky now. And that it's because you're holding me." You cup his face. "Those things you're afraid of, are part of the person I love. And I wouldn't change a single thing."

"Mi cielo..."

"I knew what I was getting into when I decided to love you, Miguel, so don't get all soft now. I'm not going anywhere..." You whisper. "Make me bleed."

He would be lying if he said he haven't thought about it, that he haven't succumbed to his most animalistic urges when alone in the privacy of his room, pretending it was you around his cock and not his fist. He wanted to bite, he wanted to fill you. And he wanted to tear apart with his bare talons anyone and anything that got in his way.

A part of him might be scared to hurt you, yes.

But a bigger part of him was actually scared of what he would do to keep you safe. Of what he's capable of... to keep you his.

He feels sorry for you when you cuddle against his chest in your sleep as he stands up and starts walking back inside the building, covering you with his jacket to protect from the cold wind of the city for when he swings back to his apartment with you in his arms.

He feels sorry for the innocence in your love.

Like a beast, that's what he was. A beast who loved the softness in your touch, the kind in your words. But cannot return the same love. The beast is possessive, jealous of the very air that caresses your hair. And it may act vulnerable only to you, letting you get as close to slaughter him, but knowing you'll place a kiss instead. The beast would hold you as his own treasure, a creature that must not be hurt, not even for his own hands. He would cut them off before.

He would cut them off from anyone before they touch you. For no one should ever touch what he decided, that very morning you asked how he had been, would belong to him.

AND EVERYTHING WOULD HAVE CONTINUED ON GOING SO SMOOTHLY... BUT THE DAAAAAAAAMN FINALS, ah, made their entrance.

You barely have time to sleep, to eat, to fucking breathe. Your levels of anxiety are higher than the HQ damn building and your brain is so overworked you cannot do more than what you're asked to in autopilot. You know that you're only going to be like this for approximately another two weeks, but your poor lover has suffered the last four days thinking you're sick, or sad, or worse... Mad at him. No, not in that order.

"Arañita..." He calls for you. Your hand moving over your notebook at one hundred km per hour concerns him.

"The reports are done. Peter from -5266 and Hugh from -1993 are out right now. They should be getting back at any minute. Anomaly #125 was sent to its original universe this morning." You push the tablet to him with your free hand without even looking up or slowing down your writing.

"Thank you, but..." He tilts his head, furrowing his brows. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. I just need to get this done before four. By the way, can I leave early today? I need to study for tomorrow's test."

"Again? Didn't you have one yesterday?"

"Yes. We're on finals, Miguel. We tend to have a lot of them these days. That's why I'm losing my mind over here."

"Just for some tests?" You have to stop yourself to remind you it's not his fault to be smart. It's not his fault being more intelligent than almost every person you knew. It's not his fault he doesn't know what is to struggle on school. It's not his fault, It's not his fault, It's not his fault... "You haven't even touched your food." He says, looking at the little box he got you with the meal now cold.

"I... I know. I'm sorry, Mig." You sigh, looking up at him for the first time in the day. "I'm just really stressed out right now. But I promise I'll take it back home later, okay?"

This was also the fourth day you didn't stay at his place. My man doesn't want to be a burden, but he has attachment issues, ok?, and after the week you spent sleeping in his arms, it may or may not be that Miguel has been having trouble falling asleep without the weight of your body on his chest.

After watching you leave that day, Miguel found himself staying till unreasonable hours of the early morning working in the lab. There was no point on going back to his cold apartment anyway... And he had a lot of things to get done. He didn't have time to...

"Oh, it's you." Miguel jumps in his place at the sudden voice calling from behind. "I thought that poor girl had stayed here, with all the things she seems to be doing these days."

The man shakes his head, ignoring Jessica closing the distance behind him, leaning against the door frame. Miguel can almost make out the little smile on her lips without turning around, and that only infuriates him even more.

"And why do you look like a caged lion?" She mocks. "Trouble in paradise?"

Miguel's first instinct is snap back at her and ask her to leave him alone. He knows she would comply, what he doesn't know is how benefic that would be for his current situation.

"I don't know what's going out with her." He admits, letting his head fall in irritation. "She says she's having some tests right now, but she's just to... Stressed? I don't know. She's so smart I cannot conceive how bad this is affecting her." The laugh that emanates from Jessica's throat makes his ears go red. "What?"

"Oh, babe, when was the last time you went to college?" Jessica puts both of her hands on her waist, pursing the lips to avoid smiling again.

"Why is that important?"

"When, Miguel?" She demands.

"Ugh... I don't know. Like four-five years ago."

"When was the last time you failed a class?"

"Never." He immediately responds.

"When was the last time grades were important on your Earth?"

Miguel frowns. "I don't remember. The path for learning had changed long before I was born. I don't even think I ever had something like a grade. We were judged individually for our skills and our intelligence type. Not memorization."

"Exactly." She claps, pointing at him with a all-knowing finger. "Thanks to that you got the chance to develop your true abilities as a student, but our girl from 2023 it is not beneficiary of this privilege. She doesn't get the chance to strengthen in what she is good, she must memorize and memorize and memorize over and over again. Because the tests on her Earth aren't done with the purpose of just checking how is her knowledge progressing, they are done to see if she's worthy of continuing forward in her very career."

Miguel remains silent for a minute, swallowing all the new information by pieces. For someone so smart, Jessica has never see him seem so lost. The nuts in his brain begin to turn and turn until his eyes seem to light up with the clarity of the light of the new world.

"Hm." He nods. "Thank you."

The woman knows he doesn't need anything more when he turns around, typing into one of the screens something that escapes from her eyes.

During the rest of the two weeks of finals, Miguel tried to do his best to support you.

He even read all of the information about your education system, striving to understand everything in just a couple of nights.

He's a man on a mission: letting you know he's there, that you're strong and smart, and you can do it.

While you study in the lab, he leaves you be. He gets you coffee, or tea, or anything you prefer. He might even hiss at people entering his space (your space) making too much noise, pointing at you with his chin and threatening eyes.

"Hey, girl..." Peter B. comes in one morning, moving nervously under the scrutinizing gaze of your lover. "Don't be so harsh on yourself..." He gives you some awkward pats on the back, smiling. "You're doing great."

That was all it took.

"No, I'm not!" You weep, letting your head fall on the desk, shaking between sobs.

"Great. Ya la hiciste llorar." Miguel pinches the bridge of his nose, sighing. "Here, give it to her." He calls for Peter's attention, handing him an specific chocolate.

Peter takes it with confused eyes, offering it to you, reaching out his arm as if he were to touch you, you'll explode.

"Here." He says. "Look what I got."

You raise your eyes, meeting the little packing. Then, when you look at him, Peter almost thinks he just made all worst.

"Oh, Peter... Thank you!" You take the chocolate, pulling from him to a big hug. "I love these so much, thank you! You're so kind!"

Peter lets you be, looking back at Miguel who just nods at him to let him know this wasn't his first rodeo. He pats your back, soothing you with some more nervous words until you're ready to let him go.

If you're really struggling, Miguel won't think twice to help you. He's smart, it takes him nothing more than a look to his old notes or a quick search on the internet (specially if you're studying something science related or an engineering, if you're on law or arts, oh boy, you're gonna make this man suffer) to know exactly what you need and make sure you're taking that fucking project tomorrow.

Some other days, he just catches you sleeping with your hands crossed above the table and your saliva drooling out to your notes. His jacket would then come over you, after, he would take your pending stuff and start solving problems and making notes for you to have it easier at the memorizing part of the study.

You always wake up to see the edges of your paper full of arrows, little equations and encircled key words. And, sometimes, a tired Miguel sleeping uncomfortably by your side, just waiting for you to tell him it's time to go.

The day, a Friday, where you're finally done with college (at least for a couple of months) Miguel felt it like the day his soul came back to his body.

You are smiling all day again, calling his name, doing a mess all over the whole building. And he can not be more happy about it.

He might never tell you, me might even justify himself saying he had been staying up late working in the lab every time you ask for the bags under his eyes. Because he's definitely not telling you there were nights where he couldn't even close his eyes 'cause you weren't there with him.

"Time to go home." You hum behind him, getting all of your stuff inside your backpack.

"Thank God" He rubs his neck, walking closer to you to give you a soft kiss on the forehead. "I'm dying."

You yawn, nodding. "Me too. These weeks drained me."

"Me too." He repeats, and you don't know how much he means it. "Let's just go to sleep, yeah? Hopefully tomorrow there won't be so much to do."

You smile, leaning into his embrace as you walk out the door, hearing the lights turning off as both come closer and closer to the exit.

"Yeah, that sounds good."

"Okay."

"Okay."

Miguel steadies your body by pressing down on your hips, keeping your ass on the bed. You try to push his face out of between your thighs but he refuses to pull apart.

"Miguel!" You cry out, tears rolling down your cheeks cause of the overstimulation he was putting you in. "Too much, too much..."

His fingers curl inside you one more time, and your arch your back, almost rolling your eyes at the feeling. His tongue flicks over your sensitive bud again, dragging choked moans out of you. You try to squirm away but his hands pull you from your ass back at him as soon as you start moving.

"Easy there, Arañita. I'm almost done." He smiles up at you, letting you see the lower half of his face completely covered in your arousal.

"Mig... Mi amor..." You breath out, trying to push him out again when his chuckle crashes against your folds.

"One more, love, and you'll be ready for me." He sucks on your clit as he speaks, moving his fingers with an slower pace now. "Uno más, mamita, dame uno más."

He pushes his face down on you, working his tongue all around your most needy spot with his digits burying now deep inside you, hitting that soft place between your walls that makes you want to cry. You're a mess of moans and whimpers by now, but when his teeth slowly press on your clit, it's over for you. Your eyes roll back, your thighs tremble around him, encaging him in his favorite prison as he guides you through it, moaning into your skin when he feels your pleasure dripping on him, motivating his hips to hump against the mattress as a fucking teenager would do.

After you get down from your high, you look up at him to find him positioning himself between your legs, dragging the tip of his cock up and down on your folds.

"Miguel, wait, I'm..."

"You know your safe word, mamita, you can make me stop whenever you want." He places your legs on his shoulders and his hands on your hips, keeping you just as he wishes to. "I'm going in, and I want your eyes on me all the time I fuck you, ¿me entiendes, hermosa?"

You nod, watching the point where both of your bodies would join. He enters slowly, giving you time to adjust his size. But after the first hint of your hips trying to feel him even more, he pulls back and thrusts all the way in, making your head fall back as your back arches.

His right hand grabs you by the jaw, forcing you to open your eyes and observe how red his irises had turned.

"Eyes on me."

His pace speeds up, bottoming out with every thrust he makes. Your hands push at his lower abdomen, biting your lip to avoid crying out loud again.

"Too fast, Mig. Too much." You moan, your still overstimulated clit rips another whimper from you every time his happy trail and trimmed hair crashes against it. You were barely holding on, but your lover can't never get enough. His body reaches down, and as he places one hand around your neck, his other thumb toys at your clit in a excruciating pace. "Fuck! No, Miguel."

You tremble under him, wrapping your legs around his waist when you cannot think about anything more than cumming. Your nails bury on the skin of his back, dragging an out of breath grunt out of him.

"I'm, I'm cum-" You try to voice but nothing in your brain seems to work anymore.

"Do it, love. I got you." He keeps up his pace, almost kissing your cervix by now. "Cum for me, mi amor."

His hand squeezes a little bit harder on your neck and you need nothing else to see fucking white. Your mouth opens in a big O before your start trembling, shaking uncontrollably under his body, letting out the sweetest of sounds for him to hear.

He grunts, falling into the crock of your neck when you tighten your walls around him.

"I'm going to fucking fill you." He's out of breath and he curses something in Spanish you cannot make out. "I'm going to put a baby on your tummy, mamita..."

"Miguel..." You were on the verge of tears again, you cannot longer feel your legs but you surely can feel him deep inside you.

"Yes, love. Fuck... I'm cumming. I'm..." He bites down on your flesh, sinking his fangs into your skin when his hips stutter. His talons grow so big they dig into the headboard.

You moan at the feeling, hugging your body to his until he can breath normal again.

When he looks back at you his eyes have returned to that soft brown you're used too.

"Are you okay?" He asks, sending shivers down your spine when he caresses the sore skin.

"Yes." You smile and he traps your lips into a kiss. "And now I'm really fucking tired."

He chuckles, lifting his weight onto his forearms.

"Come here, amor. Let's take a shower so you can rest comfortably." He places another soft peck on your forehead. "I'll wash your hair."

You definitely know he will do more than that.

PD: Tbh with you guys, all I could think about while writing this was this tiktok:

[choke-me-joey]

Ch1/Ch2

Summary: As Joe's long-term girlfriend, you reflect on your relationship over the last 4 years.

Content warning: 18+ so minors are not welcome, real person fiction (don't like, don't read, don't bitch), smut, fluff, angst, probably inaccurate timelines and processes but does anyone really care?, alcohol use, smoking...if I've missed anything please let me know!!

Author's note: when I was deep in my Dan and Phil phase I wrote this, published it on AO3 and then took it down so before anyone says "Hey this looks familiar" don't panic, I'm not stealing anyone's work and I can prove it lmao. Thanks to @harrys-four-nipples for reading this first chapter and telling me it wasn't as shit as I thought. Love you girl 🥰 feedback is always appreciated, let me know if you'd like me to continue this!

Paris

December 2022

After the craziest year anyone could ever imagine, exploring and staying in a variety of hotels across the globe, the last convention of 2022 was finally happening. You had been by your boyfriend's side the entire time; your job as a freelance photographer/social media specialist pretty much allowed you to travel anywhere and everywhere and luckily Joe's team were on board with you providing his official con photos and managing his social media. But as ideal as that sounds, it hadnt been easy.

It had been one of the best experiences of your life, watching the man that you love so, so much bring so much joy to the millions of people around the world who adored him. Despite being at every convention, watching all the fan interactions and all the panels, you were never bored. It hadn't all been perfect though, in fact it had been extremely trying at times, what with Joe being so damn exhausted there was barely any 'you' time, or fans getting a little bit too crazy at the meet and greets, but you wouldn't have traded it for the world.

You'd think that being cooped up on planes, in hotel rooms and travelling constatnly for months on end, spending almost every waking minute of the day together would have seriously damaged your relationship, but in all honesty, it brought you and Joe closer together. Sure, there have been times where you’ve wanted to smother each other with the shitty hotel pillows, but what couple doesn't argue? Without the option of slamming the bedroom door shut and sulking, you've learnt to just talk it out, and move on, and things have just gotten better and better. You had just celebrated our 4 year anniversary in Tokyo last month, and Jamie was constantly teasing you, telling you if you didn't get a ring this Christmas, you two could just run away together instead.

Of course, Joe had gotten super salty at the joke, seemingly never being able to escape the never ending question from his family and friends of when he was finally going to pop the question. He didn't need it from Jamie now too. He was going to do it, he just didn't want to rush it after all.

As it was the last con of 2022, Joe's team had given you some time off to just enjoy the convention, acknowledging that you had worked through your anniversary in Japan. This meant you could actually walk around the con and hang out with some of your friends, and enjoy the panels, which you were grateful for. You had some time to chat with Joe's dad too, which was always a good time, you got on so well with him and it was nice to see just how proud he was of his son.

Although you had been together for 4 years now, you and Joe weren't quite comfortable with going public with your relationship just yet. Joe had sky rocketed to fame overnight and his fanbase could be a little...intense. They went into a frenzy if he was spotted within 5 feet of another girl, and said girls were always stalked and harassed online and Joe didn't want that for you. You'd been pretty good at hiding it so far, most fans just thinking you were part of Joe's management team always there to keep him on schedule. It was a bit shit not being able to hold his hand or give him a hug in public but when the time was right, you both agreed you would go public.

You had headed back to the hotel a little before the con was over, Joe would no doubt get waylaid by fans outside the convention centre and you'd said you would order you both some food and run a bath for him so he could just relax now he was done for the Christmas period. New Orleans was a little after New Years so you'd have time to explore Paris, get home for Christmas and see in the New Year together.

Joe practically collapses through the door and you run to hug him, you were both desperate to touch each other after a long day of pretending to be work friends.

"Hi," you mumbled into his neck. "Last one for this year done, babe. I'm so proud of you."

He doesn't respond, he's holding onto you as if someone was threatening to take you away from him. "Babe, what's wrong?"

"I love you so much," he whispers. "Thank you."

"Joe, you don't need to thank-"

"Yeah, I do. I just thought that you've been there from the very start, and you've worked so hard, putting up with all my shit and you've been so supportive. I couldn't have done it without you." He sniffs, looking a little emotional. "Tonight was the first night I've actually been able to see you and not your camera, and knowing you were actually there, right in front of me, like, everything from the past 4 years went through my head and I could see you smiling at me, and the fans and I just..." he trails off, at a loss for words. You kiss his cheek, your own eyes welling up.

"You're such a soppy git, Joe." You tease him, but he knows you're joking.

"Shut up, you're just as soppy. " He laughs, poking you in the side gently. You poke my tongue out at him and he crosses his eyes in response, before my phone buzzes to let me know our food has been delivered to the hotel lobby. You break away from Joe, kissing his cheek and heading downstairs to grab your food.

You both scoff down your food, both of you having been way too busy to really eat a proper meal today, and then Joe gets into the bath. He tries to persuade you to join him, but honestly the bathtub here was smaller than the one at home, and even that could be a struggle to fit the both of you in, so you decline, changing into your pyjamas and watching some random show on TV and scrolling through your phone, replying to messages in the Quinn family group chat and your own family group chat.

You can't help but bite your lip in appreciation as Joe comes back into the bedroom, a towel around his waist and his curls dripping. He makes his way over to his suitcase in search for a pair of clean boxers. Your eyes scan over his bare torso, his broad shoulders, sharp collarbones, toned arms and his perfect stomach with a dusting of dark hair disappearing into the towel. He feels your eyes on him, standing up and turning around.

"What?" He smirks, stifling a yawn. You return his smirk, stretching a little.

"Nothing, just admiring my boyfriend. That alright with you?"

"Depends, can I ogle you like a pervert the next time you come out in just a towel?" Joe jokes, quickly pulling his boxers on under his towel, pulling it off and hanging it back up in the bathroom, before crawling on the bed and collapsing on his stomach, sighing heavily.

"You do anyway, I'm just more subtle about my staring, Quinn."

"You're just as pervy as me, Y/N, dont even try and pretend you're not. " he laughs, turning onto his side, pulling you down and wrapping his arm around you. You cuddle into him, burying your face in his neck.

"Difference is, Joseph, the whole Internet can see what a flirt you are, nobody has dirt on me."

"M'too tired for your smart arse right now."

"You like my smart arse." You grin into his skin, and he chuckles, the sound rumbling in his throat.

"I like your smart everything," he mumbles, kissing the top of your head. You sigh in response, enjoying the feeling of him cuddled up to you. "M'so tired. And my back is killing me."

"Did you twinge it again?"

"Mm. Hurts."

You untangle myself from him and roll off the bed, rummaging through your suitcases until you find the baby oil you always use to keep your skin moisturised after a shower. You shake it up as you walk towards the bed. "On your stomach, babe."

"That is the most terrifying thing you could say to me whilst holding baby oil." He eyes the bottle in your hands suspiciously, but does what you've said anyway.

"I believe that would actually be 'face down, ass up and just relax'." You smirk, climbing back on the bed, straddling his legs. He groans dramatically, making you roll your eyes and laugh. "You're such a drama queen, babe."

"Making a living off of it, aren't I?"

"Yeah, yeah, shut up Mr Man of the Year." You quip, opening the bottle and pour some of the oil into your hands, rubbing them together to warm it up before pressing your palms against his shoulder blades. You apply just the amount of pressure that you know he likes, rubbing his flawless skin. "That okay?"

He responds by letting out a quiet moan of approval.

"How did I get so lucky?" Joe groans into the pillow as you continue to rub his shoulders and upper back, trying your best to work out the knots in his muscles. You smile, placing a kiss to the back of his neck that makes him shiver slightly.

"You elbowed me in the tits on the Underground and made me spill my coffee all over myself." You chuckle, adjusting your position on his legs so you could massage further down.

"The one time in my whole life that me being a clumsy twat has actually worked out in my favour." Joe's voice is muffled by the pillow, but you can tell he's smiling. He grunts in pleasure as you knead his lower back gently.

"Meh, you're just lucky I thought you were hot." You teased, gently poking him in the sides. He chuckles softly. "And you were, and still can be, so socially awkward, it was endearing."

"Mm, love you." He mumbles, and you know he's slowly falling asleep by the way his body is relaxing beneath you.

"Love you too, babe." You whisper back, moving off of his back and into bed next to him, pulling the covers over both of you. Ypu push his curls back from over his face. "Always have, always will." You kiss his temple and turn off the bedside lamp, letting him sleep off the post convention exhaustion whilst you take advantage of the good selection of TV channels the hotel has.

A few hours later, you're still awake and on your phone, scrolling through Instagram, the TV long turned off. You're laid on your side facing away from your currently snoring boyfriend. Joe grumbles in his sleep and rolls over, moulding his body around yours and spooning you. You feel something poking you in your bum and smirk to yourself, wiggling your butt back against him.

"Hmm, you still awake?" Joe whispers, his voice rough with sleep and exhaustion, one of his hands running over your thigh.

"Mm, I didn't wake you up, did I?" You reply, shivering in delight as his lips graze your neck. You roll over to face him, and he moves your leg on top of his, moving your bodies closer together as he kisses you hard, his hands wandering around to your ass and squeezing it.

Oh.

You see where this is going.

"Are you sure you're up to this, Joe? You're exhausted." You say quietly, trying your best to control your breathing after you break away. Thanks to your busy schedules, it been at least two weeks since you'd last had sex. You snuck in whatever you could, but mostly it was just heavy make out sessions or occasionally a hand and/or blow job to help with Joe's anxiety levels. You were practically soaked already and he'd barely touched you.

"Never too tired for you," he mumbles, pecking your lips softly, and slowly lifting up the hem of your (his) shirt. "Off?"

You nod, and you both work together to rid you of the oversized shirt. "C'mere," he grunts, rolling you on top of him, his hands on your hips as he looks up at me.

"Lazy," you tease, your skin feeling like it's on fire as he runs his hands up your sides.

"Beautiful." He responds, giving you that little smile that makes your heart melt every time. It's a smile that only you get to see, and it's during your intimate moments like this that he smiles like that, and you fall in love with him all over again. You hum and lean down, kissing him passionately, your tongues dancing around each other. His hands return to your hips, pushing them down against his crotch as he lifts his hips up, and the friction and heat makes you both moan. You nibble on his bottom lip, which you know drives him crazy, before moving to kiss his jawline and neck, a somewhat external G-spot for him. "Fuck..."

"Well, if you want, I mean, I was just gonna suck you off and then take care of myself," you grin against his skin, and he responds by slapping your ass lightly. In return, you bite gently on his collarbone, and he grunts, the noise going straight in between your legs. "What do you want, Joe? Tell me."

"Wanna fuck you," he growls, turning his head and capturing your bottom lip between his teeth and tugging gently. "Wanna be inside you so bad, baby, please."

You whimper, nodding. Foreplay would have to wait for tonight.

You sit up and awkwardly peel off your underwear, throwing it somewhere in the room, deciding you'd find it in the morning. You gently palm Joe's cock through his boxers, making him grunt and moan your name loudly, before pulling them down his legs, and he kicks them off his feet. You take his cock into your hand, squeezing gently and stroking him a few times. "Please, baby, m'not gonna last long..." You'll let him off for that, it really has been forever since you last fucked. You reach across to the bedside table, grabbing a condom from your makeup bag (damn your birth control prescription running out before you'd realised) and tearing it open. He holds his hands out to put it on himself, but you slap them away, rolling it on him as slowly as possible, making him grit his teeth, grunt and buck his hips slightly.

Deciding to be a bit more of a tease, you hover above him for a few seconds, grinding down ever so slightly. He grips your hips so tight there will definitely be bruises in the morning, and he bites his lip, whimpering and cursing. You decide to let him off, because you want this just as much as he does, and you place the head of his cock at your dripping pussy, slowly sinking down onto him. He throws his head back and moans, a little too loudly, as do you. "God, I missed this...missed you."

"I missed you too," you sigh, placing your hands on his chest, giving yourself a bit of leverage before you start to move your hips. "Fuck, Joe, you feel so fucking good..." as much as you want this to last, you know it won't. You can already feel your orgasm growing as you grind down against him. He bucks his hips up, his cock brushing my g-spot. "Oh my god, Joe!"

"Fuck," he growls, his breathing heavy. "Faster, baby, please, I-" he cuts himself off with a moan as you obey. "Shit, fuck!"

"You're so loud," you giggle breathlessly, gasping as he places his thumb on your clit and rubs in time with your thrusts. "We're gonna get noise complai-AH, FUCK, JOE!"

"I'm the loud one, am I?" Fucking asshole.

"Shut up," You gasp, as he sits up, wrapping your legs around him and attaches his lips to your collarbone, sucking and biting as you move together. You can tell he's getting close from the way his breath is coming out in pants, and his moans are getting more desperate sounding. He rests his forehead against your shoulder, and you run your fingers through his curly hair, and he looks up at you.

"Kiss me," he whispers, and of course, you do. "M'getting close."

"Me too," you whisper back, and he reaches between you to stroke your clit. "Joe, I-"

"I know."

The room is filled with your moans, and heavy breathing as you both get closer and closer to the edge. Joe moves his hand and lies you down on the bed, so he's on top. He winks at you, and smirks as he puts your legs around his waist, and his hands either side of your head. He ducks down and kisses you softly before moving his hips, fucking you hard and fast, the way he knows you like it.

"Oh,my god Joe, I'm gonna cum!" You moan, digging your nails into his back.

"Do it, wanna feel you cum for me," he groans, and all it takes is him angling his hips just right, and you're coming, moaning his name probably way too loud, your whole body shaking. Joe curses and stills, pushing his cock inside you one last time as he cums into the condom, hard, his head dropping onto your shoulder as he whispers your name, telling you he loves you. You say it back, stroking his neck gently as he collapses on top of you, his head on your chest. "You're amazing."

"I think you'll find that's you, babe." You say breathlessly, grinning like a fool.

"I am pretty fucking good in bed, aren't I?" Joe grins, a teasing lilt to his voice.

"You always know what to say...so romantic," you roll your eyes, poking him in the tummy.

"Mhmm, you're very lucky. I mean, I even make sure you cum every single time we fuck, if that's not true love, I don't know what is." He pulls off the condom, tying it and throwing it into the bedside bin.

"Be still my beating heart!" You laugh and kiss the top of his head, rolling out from underneath him. He pouts, reaching out for you with grabby hands. "Joe, as much as I'd love to cuddle right now, I seriously need to shower after that. Wanna come with?"

"Depends, you might have to roll me, you've worn me out." he yawns, sitting up on the bed. "Besides, I already had a bath. Can't you just give me a sponge bath or something so I don't have to move?"

"Again, lazy. And I know you already showered, but if you think I'm cuddling with you when you smell like sweat and sex, you can fuck right off." You tease, grinning with your tongue poking between your teeth. You turn around, heading into the bathroom and turning on the shower. After waiting for the water to warm up, you step in, relishing the warmth cascading over you. A few minute later, you feel Joe's arms wrap around your waist and his body pressing up against yours. You stand in silence for a few moments, letting water fall down over you both. He then turns you around in his arms so you're facing him, your arms around his neck.

"Y'know, we could have just done it in here, that way we could be in bed right now." He says, flicking his wet hair out of his eyes. You run your fingers over the short hairs at the back of his neck as he leans his forehead against yours.

"Hey, I'm not the one who fell asleep before we'd even had a chance to do anything."

His face falls a little. "I'm sorry, I've been kind of a shitty boyfriend recently, haven't I?"

"What are you talking about?" You frown up at him, his beautiful brown eyes avoiding yours.

"Well, just with conventions and appearances and everything, and how busy we've been, I haven't had time to just...be with you, y'know?"

"Joe, we live together, we travel together, we're with each other every day almost-"

"That's not what I mean, we haven't been on a date in literally forever, I was at the con in Tokyo the entire day of our anniversary, and my dad was with us all day before that, for fucks sake!"

"Your dad is pretty much with us all the time, babe. It doesnt bother me, you know how much I love him. Turn around." You say, squirting some shampoo into your hand and massaging his scalp. He sighs.

"See, this is what I mean. You do all this nice stuff for me, like the back rubs, the food runs, the surprise blowies-"

"Which I do because I want to, not because I feel like I have to." You take the shower head off the wall and rinse his hair out, before running some conditioner through it. "I love you, and I know exactly what being with you entails. What kind of girlfriend would I be if I got salty about everything?"

"A normal one." Joe retorts, turning back around and gesturing for you to turn your back to him so he can wash your hair for you. "And I'm glad you're not, I just feel bad. You do everything for me and I can't even give you five minutes recently."

You don't respond, revelling in the feel of his fingers on your scalp, massaging in the shampoo. You hum appreciatively. He rinses out the shampoo and runs conditioner through your hair, making sure to cover every inch. "When we get home, I promise I'll make it up to you."

"Joe-"

"Please? We can go out and celebrate our anniversary properly, dinner, drinks, a movie, whatever you want."

You turn back around to face him. "What I want, is to stay in, order Chinese, shag and then fall asleep on the sofa with you. Joe you don't have to take me out, or buy me shit to make me feel like you love me. I know you love me, without all the materialistic crap, okay?"

He said nothing, instead he looked at you his eyes looking a little misty. He was an emotional mess tonight, but you couldn't really blame him. He blinked a couple of times, and kissed you on the nose.

"Turn around, you sap." He mumbled, giving you a small smile. He basically meant 'stop before you make me cry' in fewer words. You laughed softly, before turning back around so he could rinse your hair and his. Once you're clean, you step out and dry yourselves off, and you put on Joe's shirt again, this time pairing it with some pyjama shorts. You quickly dry my hair before getting back into bed, settling down with your head on his chest and his arms around you. "See, isn't this better than standing up and actually moving?"

"Mm," you sigh, already feeling your eyes getting heavy. "I miss our bed though."

"Me too, when we get home we are gonna spoon so fucking hard in bed for like a week." He mumbles into your hair.

"What about food and stuff?" You look up at him, raising an eyebrow. He laughs.

"Of all the things you're worried about, I love how food is at the top of that list. I fucking love you." He kisses the top of your head and switches off the bedside light. "Maybe we can persuade Wes to bring us breakfast in bed."

"Oh yeah, I can totally see him being okay with that," you laugh, my hand resting on Joe's stomach. "If anything, you owe me breakfast in bed after all these bloody photos I've taken of you. Know how hard it is to make you look good mid sentence?"

"Ouch, low blow, babe."

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding. You know I love looking at you, chocolate button eyes." You tease, laughing as he groans into his pillow.

"I need to learn to think before I divulge all this stuff. I'm never shaking that am I?"

"Never ever."

[bluginkgo]

Debunking Old Theories

As a fun way to see what was wrong and what was right, I decided to go back to all of my old theories and see which ones are the craziest XD

Spoilers duh, oh and gore warning? Kinda?

I mean... that scary *ss mother facking thing towards the end- you know what I'm talking about if you watched the ep 😅

This theory was me going into a long chat about who the double x'ed eyed person could be on the poster that was teased waaaay back when. Although I did not out right say who it could have possibly been, I did notice I had some interesting thoughts going on.

"What if the double x'ed character is someone we already know... but is dead? A character that is confirmed/somewhat confirmed to be dead can return back to life, and their body forced to move by the absolute solver."

So the idea was sort of there. That the solver basically took the body of someone presumed dead and forced it to move.

I suppose it kind of works. Tessa, at this point, seems very much so dead. And her skin was used to get a drone through the security system.

This theory was made in a random fit of craziness I think. And basically talked about how Uzi's admin program could allow for DDs to tap into the Absolute Solver powers without becoming fully corrupted (based off of @/jazzstarrlight's concept art). Thus, turning into Uzi and Doll with solver powers. Although this might happen in ep8, I'm highly doubtful. But I was right about this:

"Uzi did SOMETHING, who knows what at this point, but her switching the admin program is important. Given that N and V haven't turned into the gooey flesh monsters quite yet like we see in Home, I'd say absolute solver string is still blocked to a certain degree."

And sure enough, the admin program holds out. Preventing the Absolute Solver to corrupt DDs and force them to become mindless murder drones that they were back on Earth.

This theory was taking a jab at the figure we saw in ep4.

And I attempted to reason as to who made the image. First shot was Doll, and that's a hard no lol. Second shot was the double X'ed person and well...

I guess I was right? The thing that Tessa is now, is just a solver drone wearing human skin. And she has all the solver drone powers, being able to call forth the claws and teleportation powers seen with the Absolute Solver. So for her to create the image, or it IS the entity wearing Tessa's skin, is not too far fetched. @brookiedaaroacecookie I saw your tag, and realized I had attempted something similar a very long time ago... 😅

This theory had me going crazy over solver's laughter. Easily debunked. It was aesthetic choice. Also the line "Hahahaha, thanks for giving me the planet. Fricking idiot." Never made it into ep7, but I will not put it past Liam to use this in ep8 instead! Addressing either N or Uzi.

N: Thanks for giving me yet another planet. You unintentionally lead Uzi straight into her demise, and thus set off the second core collapse.

Uzi: Thanks for giving me the planet. You dummy who jumped in to sacrifice yourself and save N.

This theory had me going in to how Tessa was suspicious. Debunk this little sh*t real quick, most of this was wrong :3 J was sent out to "mind the ship" to destroy the escape pod that Uzi has been working on. It's still unclear to me whether J is siding with Tessa entity because she believes that's the true Tessa, or simply because she knows that it is the Absolute Solver wearing skin of a human. Something I did notice as well was I mentioned Tessa's hand injury. It never came up in this episode. But you know what my crazy brain did? Made another theory!

So the Absolute Solver did tell Tessa "You will not have to discard your pets, and I will not discard you." But hang on a second. The Absolute Solver appears to have skinned Tessa and used her, how is this not discarding? To back this up a little, the solver did in fact keep its promise. It allowed the main DD trio to keep their personalities. The "pets" were not discarded. Now as for Tessa, she was not discarded either- Ginkgo you crazy idiot, she's dead, that's her skin. But that's exactly it. The Absolute Solver, like any good villain, is capable to playing with words. It never specified what "discarding" meant, or to what degree. Just like with the DDs, Tessa was also not discarded. She was repurposed. Her skin used to further the Absolute Solver's plans just like the DDs were. Could I be wrong and could this skin actually not be Tessa? Sure, there's always that chance! But with how Tessa entity looked and acted, I'll stick by the idea that she's very much dead.

Back to the hand injury though, here's the theory I came up with. The Absolute Solver may or may not have kept Tessa alive post the gala massacre.

After all, the image is still redacted, and we do not know if by then the solver already had used her to create the monstrosity that is 1001. But if the solver did keep her alive, it kept its promise. Tessa was not discarded. But perhaps a condition of hers caused her body to slowly wither away. In a fit of fear, she might have gone to the solver for help. So the solver gave her purpose. Crazy idea? Yup, nothing new here XD

This theory is also very out there XD The summary of it is that I believe Cyn is on the good side. Because why send out DDs with a way of blocking out the Absolute Solver instead of fully corrupting them? Why send out DDs to a hub that had two very powerful solver drones? I'll put this theory to rest I believe. Because at this point, Cyn appears to be very much so dead. Whatever corporal body she may have had back at the manor is now gone, basing it off of the massacre that was on Earth. Another quote that made me realize that this was all just the Absolute Solver playing around was this:

N was the main reason that the Absolute Solver allowed the DD trio to keep their personalities. This means that the administration CYN was in place to keep the solver from corrupting the trio just to keep their personalities. All of this just because the solver enjoyed watching the trio run around believing like they can do something to fix this huge mess. Now, are there chances of Cyn still reappearing and helping the gang? Sure! I don't see why not. And I'll be pleasantly surprised if Liam does pull that route.

This theory has Cyn! To summarize this one, I basically took another attempt on figuring out how Liam's drawing of Cyn in the sea of red could be relevant. Of course, it did not show up this time around, but I noticed a couple things that I said kind of lined up.

"I can imagine it, N and Uzi fighting whatever the thing is in the Cabin Fever labs. Uzi somehow ends up either being knocked out or full possession occurs, either way, her subconsciousness is transported into this realm of red." Well uhh...

Not quite red... but somewhere!

"This might be the place where all the hosts' minds connect- the hive mind/cloud based system. Here, Uzi might meet Cyn and even Nori- I know I'm stretching it, but this is just me rambling my own thoughts. And keeping on with my belief in good Cyn theory, Cyn might help Uzi out. She might tell Uzi the origin of the absolute solver- how the AI error came about. Uzi might end up chatting with Cyn or directly with the Absolute Solver, all the while her body is posessed by the said Absolute Solver. She'd be going on another rampage, probably fighting N."

So we do find that Nori is still in fact alive, though after getting punted like a ball into the Absolute Solver hole, I'm not quite sure. XD But I will keep this theory for ep8 for now. The idea that Cyn's mind may connect and chat with Uzi is still quite appealing to me. And well, I guess Uzi did fight with N. And I will keep that theory too and simply carry it over to ep8. We know the last mural is of N, and he will most likely be fighting the very last Absolute Solver form. Uzi's consciousness may connect with that form and work together with N from the inside to get rid of the solver on Copper-9 for good.

This theory had me going crazy about Uzi's core. Because up until now, we don't really get to see her core very well. Perhaps its the design, but at times when the angles are right, we ought to see the WD hat picture poking through... but we don't. There's two routes from here still:

Either its just an animation detail that is unimportant. This is just simply how she was designed

Something is still hiding there. This one, I'm quickly losing faith on. Because when we saw Nori, her symbol was normal- turned yellow when possessed of course, but that is understandable. There was nothing that was off about Nori, Yeva, or Doll and their cores. I do not see how Uzi's core will be any different. Instead, I wanna know WHAT THE FACK THIS IS XD

This theory was a chat about Tessa's three ships. And this one still stumps me. Because Tessa was there for the sole purpose of getting down into the lab, finding out how many more of the hosts were left, kill them, get the crucifix, destroy it, and maybe send Copper-9 off into another core collapse. If that's the case, and with how she has been engineered... WHY DOES SHE NEED THREE SHIPS??? Most of them were filled with junk, unless they do hold something important that we have yet to see. For now, this one is gonna be burning in the back. Because this was either a diversion and a way to make us believe that this Tessa may have been real, or they actually serve a purpose.

This theory was regarding the teaser and how maybe Uzi would have to go through an exorcism. Ahahaha, yeah, so there was exorcism! IN FORM OF SLAPS FROM NORI XD and uhhh... a "sacrifice" on Uzi's part ;w;

This theory was on the teaser that was released. And it is this one that will be the most FUN to gut >:3

First, the corridor with the sentinels never made it into the actual episode. Which makes me leave V as MIA still. Delusional? Perhaps, most likely. But like I said. I will not call her dead until I see a body or an eldrich version of her. The one that was in the cathedral was a mere hologram.

Concerned N... AHAHAHAHAHH I WAS SO WRONG LET'S GO!!! N was very upset, yes, but not about something he saw ahead, but about something the gang left BEHIND: V. That entire scene is gonna be on my mind for a bit too long.

The vortex around the cathedral took place during the flashback scene... but still doesn't really explain why there's RAIN in a CAVE. But oh well XD

So I was somewhat right about the sequence of events with "Dr. Chambers" and Uzi watching the tape. More so on the fact that whatever Uzi watched on the tape made her solver go haywire.

Welp, Tessa did help Uzi in this scene ;w; My poor soul, the NUzi angst is delicious but dangit it's still angst.

And I was wrong about Khan being there... KIND OF. Cause he still showed up XD But yes, the gravity did take a quick break because the Absolute Solver in the core is starting to act out.

Feral N was not killing Nori, at least not in this scene XD Man, that entire sequence had my jaw on the floor. It was amazing.

Uzi's eye did burst, from strain of using the solver to... *sobs* protect from N's mindless rage and attempts to clear the elevator. ;w; UGH that scene is gonna be stuck with me for a long while.

Well, the theory that Doll is fighting with Tessa did come true- but I also theorized using all the characters, so it wasn't quite fair.

Omg it's that math meme XD But hey, I had the Nori part! This was Nori and she was being contained in this manner because the new patch of the Absolute Solver was making her go haywire.

And finally this theory. "Now, as for the crack theory: I think the absolute solver is now the center/core of copper-9."

Well... Kind of I guess? But we don't get to see the extent of it. We simply shown how deep the hole truly is, and it can easily reach into the core of the planet. "But what if you take 10, or 50, or 100 corrupted cores and fuse them together? Sure, a single solver drone may not make that big of an impact, but we don't know how long the list of drones that were experimented on down in the labs was." Answer is at the very least 129 drones XD

Let me know if I missed any of my old theories. I've been doing nothing but typing out theories for the past 2 days straight. ;w; What hyper fixations do to you, am I right? XD But in all honesty, this was ridiculously fun. And kind of surprising that some of my stupid ideas did have bits and pieces that were right!

Want more of my stupid rambles? This has 3 other parts! ;w;

[sheriffopossum]

Nellie stood in disbelief as Clover walked back into the main room where everyone anxiously awaited. Just earlier she was a cold corpse, bleeding out on the table, still as death, and yet there she was now as though none of that ever happened. Nellie wasn't real familiar with science or medicine, but even she knew that that wasn't normal.

Clover spoke to the group delicately, obviously picking her words carefully. She talked about the charity that night, how it was a test to see if the Darlings would strike, how she risked her own life to see how far they would go. She started to say how she couldn't give any answers which finally burst the dam of questions, filling the room. Nellie watched as Clover raised her hand, quickly silencing the onslaught.

Clover's voice wavered just slightly as she spoke about the reality they were in: the Darlings would hunt each member of their ragtag group without second thought. What she said next though, nearly took Nellie's breath away.

"You can come back, just like how you saw me do it," echoed in Nellie's head repeatedly. Come...back? From death, as though it were some cool party trick? She knew that members of the Darlings had some uncanny ability to do so even after being completely torn to pieces, but she figured there was some strange dark magic at play there. Now the same thing was being offered to her?

"So, are you with me?" Clover asked, snapping Nellie out of her daze.

She gripped her walking cane tightly as she furrowed her eyebrows together. Well, she thought, looks like it's now or never.

"Clover, do you remember the day I accepted your proposal?" Nellie began, slowly taking a step forward. Clover stood still as a statue, her expression neutral as the company's arms dealer moved closer.

"I certainly do, dear," Clover replied wearily, folding her arms across her chest. "You said that I was crazy--"

"I said that you was the craziest, most batshit insane person to go against THE most powerful mob in the city, hell probably the whole country!" Nellie finished for her, her southern drawl honeying each syllable. She stood before the group's leader, looking up as she planted a hand on her hip.

"But, I also said that you gave me hope. Hope that I haven't felt in years," Nellie added, her facial features softening. "I gave up hope in ever getting my brother back from those twisted bastards, just accepting that he was gone forever. But you, YOU ignited that fire back in my heart, that determination to git my Bubba back home, that he's not a lost cause."

Nellie paused, looking deeply up at Clover. Her words were softer this time, as she lifted her hand up to place on her leader's shoulder.

"Family sticks together, and I ain't about to be no bitch and run off with my tail between my legs." She gave a playful wink and smiled.

"Whatever voodoo-hoodoo shit you got cooked up, well count me in. I already got a target on my back for betraying the Darlings like I did, ain't no way in hell I'd be able to outrun them, and I fer sure ain't about to give up the chance to make a difference in this city and everyone who's been fucked by them assholes.

"Ride or die, partner. And seems like you got something to say about the dyin' part." --------------------------- ;AKSJDFLAJS;DLFJALSDKFALSDKF finally finished Nellie's reply to Clover's offer!!! I'm still not 100% happy with how the last panel turned out, but I already redid it at least 3 times so 😩 But yeah, looks like Nellie's on board the death-defying crazy train that Clover's conducting. So excited to see what happens next 💛

Clover belongs to @chimeracarnival Mob!AU belongs to @clownsuu Wonder who that mysterious brother Nellie mentioned is whoooooOoooOooo 👀

[heyitsoak]

knuckles is life and im in the hurt hurt zone rn SOOO how about some fluffy knuckles hcs with a s/o who is always like

They're super optimistic all the time and get excited about EVERYTHING like absolutely anything fascinates them and they give compliments and affection all the time n basically just. Pure sunshine being. Though they kinda get into trouble without realizing it sometimes and will come home w the craziest (and concerning) stories all while keeping this face :D

They have so much energy that sometimes they just kinda. Spontaneously overcharge. And the rest have to look for them for near hours just to find them sound asleep knocked out behind the couch

ty<3

JAKAKWKW I LOVE THIS SM 😭 AND I STARTED LAUGHING AND GETTING ALL GIDDY WHEN I WAS LOOKING AT THOSE CAT PICTURES, THEYRE SO CUTE AND FUNNY

AND YOU SHALL NOT BE UPSET, I WILL NOT ALLOW IT >:( SO I WILL GIVE YOU FLUFFY KNUCKLES HCS TO MAKE YOU HAPPY >:DD

Fluffy Knuckles Hcs With a S/O who is extremely hyper!

MasterList

You are literally so insanely hyper, I don’t even know how Knuckles can keep up with you

Yet Knuckles loves you so much <33 You’re the best thing to ever happen to him

You talk so much and so fast that most of the time he can’t even keep up or understand half of what you say, he just nods and goes “uh huh” as you keep ranting in excitement

You are just a ray of sunshine and can make anyone happy just by talking to them yet you tend to get into trouble without meaning too..

A large majority of the time you come home with the most concerning stories and the craziest animals in your arms and Knuckles has no idea how to respond

One time you came home with a raccoon huddled in your hoodie and everyone turned to you.

It was like that one scene from ICarly with the milkshake

“Um (Name)… Whatcha got there?”

“A smoothie.”

Tom immediately freaked out when he saw the raccoon and wanted you to get rid of it, but you refused to do so. You claimed that the raccoon is now your son and you make Knuckles go along with it

So despite Tom’s pleads for you to get rid of him, you and Knuckles now have a raccoon

If you have a pet cat, you will most likely chase them around the house as if it’s a game of tag (I do this, my cat screams at me if I don’t chase her around the house like a mad man)

Knuckles would be sitting on the couch watching you run around the house chasing the small animal, he thinks this is adorable though

You’re constantly complementing or giving affection to Knuckles and he secretly loves it, it just makes his heart go <333

He can’t even describe with words how much he loves you :’)

It makes him so happy seeing you talk so excitedly about something with such a happy face :D

You casually walk into the Wachowski home holding a hissing possum and your face is just :D

“No no no no, we are not keeping another wild animal!”

“:(“

“…Fine”

“:D”

The house would become a zoo because of you

You’re like a dog or cat that has the zoomies, always moving around, can’t stay still

But whenever you end up getting tired you just pass out immediately, you’re out cold

Doesn’t matter where you are, you’re falling asleep

So whenever you fall asleep most of the time they have no idea where you could be since you normally fall asleep in the weirdest places

They’ll be searching for you late at night only to find you conked out behind the couch, Knuckles will have to carry you to bed and nine times out of ten you don’t remember what happened before you fell asleep

But Knuckles loves you regardless, you make his life so much brighter and interesting <3

I finished it yaaay!! :D i hope you like it! Also I feel like if you showed Knuckles those cat photos from the beginning he wouldn’t understand them but he’d laugh or smile at them just because you are :’D

[boizandgurlzinthehouse]

𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐏𝐑𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑 ; 𝐧𝐢𝐤𝐤𝐢 𝐬𝐢𝐱𝐱 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟏. 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟐. 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟑.

word count: 3.436k trigger warning: lots of cursing, drugs, smoking, flirting, y/n sings like a goddess, basically simple mötley crüe things, sleeping in one bed (YEAH GIRL), nikki is jealous of y/n's ex

long story short, vince came. y/n sat it the kitchen, tried to open a jar with a knife. nikki was probably getting something to eat. after getting away from the party 'convincing' vince, she went to her rent to pack up her things.

♡

knocking on the door, jessica immediately opened it. the other guests used to be the cops, but they banged so loudly on the door that everybody in the whole building could hear hat.

"where were you, y/n?" she asked, following her as she went to her room. "i was thinking you are dead or beaten up, or overdosed!"

y/n turned back to hug her. jessica was just as vulnerable as she, they tried to keep their head above the water, but sometimes, it was really complicated. one night, y/n was watching the commercials against drugs and alcohol, she just took a hit from the weed they had. if you lived here, you'd know why people love it. sure, she could blame herself for being uneducated and not having good grades, but around her in the orphanage, it was average.

"don't worry, i was at nikki's. he's a good guy, really, he's normal. i'm moving in to him. you can move in with the guy you mentioned." y/n talked, jessica helped her to get a bag big enough.

"forget it, we broke up." the other girl shrugged her shoulders, lighting a cigarette. y/n grimaced.

"what an asshole!"

"come on girl, hit one with me before you go. they tucked it into my bra last night." jessica said, giving her the cigarette. y/n took it, sitting down on her bed.

"so, you never stay at the boys' house you fucked, so this nikki is... special?" jessica smirked while crawling up to the head of the bed, making y/n roll her eyes despite smiling.

"well, we didn't had sex, but... it's kinda crazy, because we're gonna make a band. a band, can you believe that?"

"a band? are you gonna be the singer?" jessica looked surprised, making y/n nod.

"or at least i hope so. i can be a whore on los angeles' streets too, but yesterday i sang a song to prove that i'm good enough, and... it seemed like they were liking it."

"really? and what's the band name, sweetie?"

"uh... we don't have a name yet. and i just invited the other singer, vince to come today. but if that's good enough, i think we can hit."

"invited?"

"well, i told him i'm gonna cut his dick off if he doesn't come, but... it works... maybe?" they laughed at that.

"my girl. nikki has probably fallen in love with you already." jessica wondered, taking the last hit.

"i don't know... doesn't it fuck up the band if there's a relationship?" y/n rolled the hem of her coat between her fingers. jessica seemed like she was sinking into deep thoughts, but then, she shook her head.

"no. i think it's the coolest shit that can ever happen in los angeles. a pole dancer and a sleazy rocker rocking the world? craziest shit i've ever heard around!"

"wooo!" laughter and long applause filled the room, y/n began to pack her things.

after everything was done, her room seemed only a little bit empty. it wasn't unusual her to just be a passenger, but leaving jessica and this place was a strange. the two girls just got swept together by life, y/n was always like this: going with the flow, arriving to one place and then packing and walking towards.

"don't be corny right now, y/n." jessica stepped beside her. y/n turned and hugged her, stronger than anyone. she didn't know why. she just wanted to be like a normal school girl who is moving out from her parents' house.

"i'm not. take care of yourself, please." y/n said to her, inhaling and exhaling.

"don't forget the post code, i want vip tickets. fuck everybody who doesn't believe in you, who think that you are just a skimpy pole dancer. if you can get higher, get higher."

if you can get higher, get higher. it ringed in her ear as she walked up to nikki's.

y/n didn't have much things; she could pack in a big bag containing make-up and her clothes, shoes and some little things she thought it's going to be useful.

"that's all?" nikki asked as she packed her things to the drawers. he received a nod.

"yeah. i had more stuff when i got out from the orphanage, but i sorted some things out when i had to move. mainly clothes, so it's okay."

"it's so crazy that we both got into the system. well, i got by myself, but... yeah, it's crazy."

"how did you arrest your own mother?" y/n asked, slumping down on the couch. nikki sat beside her, she offered him a cigarette. maybe it's easier this way.

"she was the worst person who i knew. she had another boyfriend every week, and she said... she said that my dad doesn't call us because he doesn't want me."

"that's stupid", y/n said, "i only got to know what a phone is when i was twelve years old. we had none in the orphanage, not like anyone wanted to call us." she laughed bitterly. he looked at her.

"what happened to them?"

y/n shook her head, shrugging her shoulders.

"i only speculate, based on the rumors around. my mother was deported to russia after i was born. sometimes i think about, why she didn't want me with her? is russia that bad you don't want your child in it? or... did she just peeled me off 'cause she didn't love me? it's so confusing."

"i think she loved you. but she didn't have the time and the chance to show it. and... your father?"

"i guess my mother doesn't remember him either. but that's fine, fathers are assholes. every father i knew is an asshole."

♡

"tommy, could you help me with opening this shit?" she asked, cutting up her palm doesn't sounded good. tommy was nowhere to find, and y/n was way fucked up to go out for a cigarette. forgetting she had a knife in her hand, she sat down on the stairs outside.

suddenly, a red car stopped right in front of the house, making her watch it. then, two blonde haired chicks stepped out -no, it was just one chick. the other was vince. walking up on the stairs, she nodded and waved as they walked by.

"hello, y/n. is that the notorious knife from yesterday?" y/n looked at her hand. fuck, did she really bring it out? nodding, she inhaled the smoke.

"i was just getting ready to go after you." she replied, making the girl beside vince frown. "hello to you too, girlie. i'm just finishing this, everything's ready in there." she nodded in the direction of the door.

"thanks." vince and the girl walked up. his girlfriend had nice hair.

walking in, they just waited for y/n to show up.

"so, here's the lyrics, this is 'live wire'."

"yeah, i like this one." nikki plucked in the guitar, y/n picked up both microphones, but she could feel and see that vince's girlfriend was uncomfortable.

"what's wrong, babe?"

"i'm just trying to make sure these guys... and this girl is good enough to play with you. do you think she's really innocuous?" at this, y/n looked at her. excuse me? everybody excluding the two looked each other, making y/n sniff.

"i don't care what the fuck is your problem, okay? vince, hold this, and sing." she said, pushing the microphone into his hand. y/n looked at his girlfriend. we're not here for your fucking catwalk, sweetheart. mick began to riff his guitar, and the chick finally sat down.

plug me in, i'm alive tonight out on the streets again turn me on, i'm too hot to stop something you'll never forget take my fist, break down walls i'm on top tonight, no, no

"this isn't right!" the girl yelled, but y/n almost didn't hear it.

"all right, stop." nikki signed to the others, making the noises stop.

"this music's way too heavy, baby." at this, y/n giggled, looking at tommy who snickered too.

"thank you." nikki answered sarcastically.

"why don't we just tune it all down a whole step, so that he can..." mick started, making tommy get in.

"let's play it faster, too." he said, making vince's girlfriend smugly smile.

"if you really stretch out the chorus... y/n come here, look at this. you're gonna take part in here, and then you and vince sing the whole bridge, okay?" nikki asked her as she ran through the lyrics.

"yeah, sure. everything for her majesty." she bit the last part, making the girl glare at her.

"...and punch the top, man."

"right, okay."

"hit this note, right here... and muzzle that." he said, pointing to his girlfriend. this was the breaking point, she got up to yell about fucking assholes, but mick's bass pushed it down into the dirt.

as vince began to sing, y/n waited for her part, bathing in the music, smiling at him. then, he pointed to y/n, and she knew that this gonna be the best fucking thing that ever happened to her.

take my fist, break down walls i'm on top tonight, no, no

better turn me loose, better set me free 'cause i'm hot, i'm young, running free little bit better than i used to be

'cause i'm alive, live wire 'cause i'm alive, i'm a live wire

pulling the whole song, at the end, when the last riffle was over, y/n panted, feeling sweat wetting the valley between her breasts.

"guys," she began, looking at tommy, mick, vince and then nikki, "i had some doubts until now, but i think we're gonna fucking make it."

"yeah!" tommy screamed, jumping at them from behind the drummer set. getting beer for everyone, vince's girlfriend long forgotten, they clinked their bottles and began to drink.

♡

after beers, cigarettes and a couple of hours, they sat together to get the band a name. tommy was burning cockroaches with hairspray and a lighter, while y/n pointed them out for him.

"there's one too, toms! over there!"

"fucking roach! i'm gonna fix it, y/n! burn fuckers!" after he eliminated two with his improvised weapon, he sat back as nikki was ready with writing. y/n sat between tommy and vince, she threw her legs on tommy's lap, while leaning her upper body to the other boy.

"so here's my theory, okay? if we want to knock people on their asses, then we've gotta give them a show. the punks, they're doing the minimalist thing, so let's take it in the exact opposite direction." he began, getting the others nod. "i'm talking about stadium show in the clubs, man. like, costumes and lights and-"

"pyro! flames and shit!" tommy shouted, using the hairspray again.

"exactly!"

"explosions!"

"exactly!"

y/n looked at mick, they communicated with their eyes like do you have some sedatives? no, sorry. oh, leave it.

"look, it's a fucking war out there, and the only way we win is by showing these kids something they've never seen before."

that's right. and a rock band with four guys and one girl isn't a good start already, huh?

"so what we do call this thing?"

"here. you know, it's all about being, like, fucking larger than life." nikki searched between his notes, his tongue poking out. y/n almost licked her lips, she searched for the glam and shine in his eyes when he was talking about things he loved or fancied. it was his new band, actually, but y/n didn't mind it. it was like another world showed through his eyes, into his mind.

he showed up a paper with 'x-mass' written on it. x-mass? he surely knew better than that.

"on a scale to ten, that gets a 1.9." y/n tried not to laugh at this, pressing her mouth together, her cheeks puffing out like a hamster as she looked at tommy.

"it's a play on christmas." nikki explained annoyed. "you can use all the christ imagery and shit. it'll piss people off, and make them think, you know. it's got shock value." he looked at y/n for reassurance. her heart began to strangely warm, just like her cheeks. when they were at the party, it was the only two of them, but now with the others, it was... public. fucking strange feelings. she pouted a little and shook lightly her head.

"yeah. i'm shocked by how much it blows." why mick got to be this sarcastic and funny? tommy slapped her shoulder as he laughed, and her back shook to because of vince. y/n got to cover her mouth with her hand to cover the bubbling giggle.

"all right then, assholes. you give it a shot, but make it fucking big!" y/n slumped down in her makeshift seat, and after laughing at tommy's 'foreskin' brainchild, they looked at mick. "come on mick, you've gotta do better than that."

mick just looked on his notes, turning it. motley crew. wow. y/n could only one thing, this. wow.

"i've been waiting a long time for this day."

"alright." nikki asked from him the paper, grabbing a pen, doing some moves with it. then, turning it finally, y/n smirked when she saw what was written on it.

mötley crüe.

the beginning of a ride like nothing else.

"i think today was fucking wonderful." nikki said as he sat down beside y/n. watching the tv, the girl didn't watch what was going on, just letting her thoughts wander. or so she was doing until now, when she felt him plopping down beside her.

"yeah, we killed it. mötley crüe... didn't know old man has tricks like this."

"i hope he has more, because i think we're gonna need it." he replied, making her nod. drinking some from her beer, she felt a yawn coming up in her chest. "can i tell you something, y/n?"

this made her stop right in the middle of the yawn. what the fuck? this is the part where he tells her that they don't need her? or that he realized that she's really just a bitch?

"you already told me a lot of things, go on, niks." she nodded, looking like she zero fucks, but on the inside, she was listening with every nerves of hers. nikki exhaled, and looked serious. oh my god, no. no no no no no no-

"look, y/n, i was trying to chase away these thoughts since you decided to part in the band, but every time i tried to push it down, this thing just came up again and again in my mind."

for fuck's sake, just say it!

"yeah, and...?"

"...and fuck, i know you can protect yourself and handle your things, but... i'm gonna be there for you. i'm not the smartest guy, not the most precious one even, i know." y/n looked at him, swallowing hard. she didn't know what to say. "so, the main thing is, you're the most badass and though girl i've ever know, and trust me, i wouldn't say that after a couple of days, but you made more impression on me than anyone, ever."

"wow. now, i really don't know what to say. but thank you, nikki."

"was is too sentimental?"

"really? yeah, it was fucking sentimental. orphanage fucked me up, i could be a much better person, but here i am, fretting our frontman with a knife and breaking bottles on other's head."

"i think that was fucking cool."

"which one?"

"um... both." snickering at that, y/n shrugged her shoulder.

" look, nikki, it's gonna be simple, because i don't really know how to care about others. since you don't have anyone... and i neither have anyone... fuck, we can team up, if you want." she looked at him, smiling, reaching out her little finger to shake it. nikki smiled too, grabbing into it. maybe it's gonna be more than just a companionship, but now, this was enough. "cool. now, we can cut off the other's fingers." she said, standing up to search for a cigarette.

"cut off? in my rules, we just broke each other's fingers!" y/n turned to him with furrowed eyebrows.

"really?"

"yeah, really! fuck, when you do or say things like that i always think you came from fucking new orleans."

"don't care about me, snort some instead." y/n spilled the little packs of drugs on the table. "i made some groceries."

♡

"and then me, and then some other girls accidentally lit fire because somebody didn't pressed her cigarette good enough!"

nikki and y/n almost lived all of the drugs she has stolen. she was released from all the boundaries, telling stories from the time she was in orphanage, and sneaked out from there to party and drink all night. nikki and her played a game that they gotta tell something about theirselves, and then the other did the same.

"and that girl, audrey i guess? she almost got an infection from the needle that we used to her tattoo, and holy shit, it was really disgusting! so you, nikki?"

"the night we met, i'm outed from the band i was in. the frontman was a prick, so i just punched him in the face, but i got some too."

y/n snickered, then looked him, in his eyes, leaning closer to him.

"come on, niks. we both know that's not the hardest story you can tell."

"well... nikki sixx is not my real name. like, it's my real name now, but not what i was born with it, you know."

the girl nodded, faking a wondering face.

"wow, i never would've thought." nikki rolled his eyes while smirking.

"my real name is frank feranna. well, franklin, but that's more shittier, isn't it?"

frank feranna. frank and y/n. nikki and y/n. frank feranna and y/n y/l/ln. nikki sixx and y/n y/l/n. in the haze of drugs, she envied the visionary herself as the media and the tabloids. she didn't even read tabloids.

"i think it's cute."

"fuck cuteness. do you think anyone could take me serious with that name?"

"yeah! i'd take you serious!" the girl tried to contain her smile, but she couldn't.

"don't lie, y/n." she laughed at that. frank feranna could be a sweet schoolboy in a big, beautiful house with rich parents. nikki sixx was the fire that burnt through the veins when you did something illegal.

"okay, okay!"

"you're a shitty liar."

"i'm not."

"yes, you are. but at least this way, i'm gonna trust you."

she yawned, the drugs suddenly sucked out themselves from her veins, leaving tiredness and a slight lethargy. it was unusual, but she had a long day. standing up, she brushed her eyes.

"i'm going to bed, are you coming?" she asked, grabbing her coat and throwing it on a chair.

"do you want me to come?"

y/n shrugged her shoulders. jessica was no longer her roommate, and she hated sleeping alone when she was sober.

"i'm showering first."

after stepping out from the steamy cabinet, digging into her clothes, y/n got the big t-shirt she always slept in. it was her ex boyfriend's, and while she hated him now, keeping his clothes and using them was better than burning it in the kitchen.

"what the fuck is that?" nikki asked as she sat on the bed, nodding at her pyjamas.

"my sleeping cloth?" he surely noticed that it was way bigger than her size, and with rugged moves, nikki tossed his own t-shirt to her. "what the fuck, nikki?"

"ain't no way a dickhead's shitty clothes will exist in my house."

"it's not shitty, and it's mine!"

he didn't even listen as he went to shower. y/n laid down in the bed, almost falling asleep as she turned down the lamp. after ten minutes, nikki came out, a couple black strands sticking to his skin from the steam she left there. almost hitting his toes in the leg of the bed, he crashed to the mattress, turning to her in the dark.

"i know it's your shitty ex's. i tould you, you're a bad liar."

"well, then fuck you, niks." y/n muttered, burying her head into the pillows. it smelled like him, she pulled the blanket on herself.

"i like you too, y/n." he whispered. the street lights painted the room walls orange and dark blue, but y/n only blinked twice before closing her eyes for deep, black dreams.

they slept facing each other.

a/n: i got carried away but it was soooo good )): i hope you liked it, dm or write here for taglist!!

[justreckin]

20 questions for fic writers

alright @emonydeborah said hey there's a thing and i say yes (ages later)

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 6

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 28,070

3. What fandoms do you write for? Honestly, whatever's catching my fancy in that moment. Of the things I've posted, The Librarians is the only fandom that I've ever even posted more than one fic for.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Raising Harry (Harry Potter/Underworld) Where Selene comes across Harry playing at the park alone at night and decides that the best idea is to sorta adopt him.

Never Say He Isn't Grateful (Agent Carter/Captain America) Howard realizes he owes Peggy big time and the best way for him to repay her is to go rescue Steve.

5 Times Ezekiel Called Eve Mum and the Time They Made it Official (The Librarians) 5+1 what it says on the tin.

Second Time Around (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.) Coulson went in on the Bahrain mission, May died. Oneshot re-write of the first episode that I considered expanding and have actually written other chapters for but... 🤷‍♀️

How Apep got Ezekiel Grounded for the Rest of his Natural Life (The Librarians) Season 3 Finale in the same universe as the previous Librarians fic that has a second chapter I have yet to write...

5. Do you respond to comments? I certainly try to. I'm not the best at it, but I love getting to have a conversation with anyone who likes the same things I do.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Heh probably I'm Not Your Mother but even then it's a) not really all that angsty and b) mostly that I dropped a mean bomb on characters and then ran away because I have no idea what else to do with it.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? ...everything else? Look, canon is already regularly very mean to characters. I am here to live in my happy little fantasies where everything works out.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Not hate per se but I'd left up an unfinished multi-chapter fic at one point and someone commented that I was the reason they'd lost faith in authors with unfinished works and is maybe more responsible for me not posting any of the myriad of things I have on my computer than I want to admit.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Nah. I write more family than relationship stuff, really.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? Yes. Uh... it's not posted, but maybe the Harry Potter/Song of the Lioness that I hashed out at one point.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Don't think so.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?  Don't think so.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Ha! @emonydeborah and I spitball all the time (it's wonderful) and she absolutely gets credit if that parent trap fic ever gets finished, but I don't think I'm up to the group project that would be co-writting a fic.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? the Enterprise NCC-1701 dash nothing! All jokes aside, it genuinely is the only ship I go back to on a regular basis.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Uh... honestly, I don't know that I'll ever finish half the things in my WIP folder.

16. What are your writing strengths? Probably dialogue. I feel I'm pretty good at getting the character's literal voice down.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Anything happening around the dialogue. In my head these people are always moving around and doing things, but it always feels so clunky if I try to put that onto a page.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? Maybe an individual word or two for a curse or endearment. I know enough Spanish I'd probably be comfortable writing in it. But that'd be about it.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Uh.... Star Trek? One sec, must check files. Yeah, pretty sure it was a short TOS thing. Hmm might need to take a look at that again, clean it up, repost...

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? Posted? Probably Ezekiel calling Eve mum. Not posted? Nah, actually, don't know that there is one that's not posted.

.... @the-redhead-in-a-dress and @sun-lit-roses did you do it yet, did you do it? I wanna see 😁

[fieldsofview]

20 Questions (for fanfic writers)

I got tagged by the absolutely lovely @sarah-sandwich Thank you!!

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

17 :)

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

157,867 (2/3 of that is SMH hahaha)

3. what fandoms do you write for?

atm all my WIPs and upcoming fic ideas are Spidey related, but I used to write a lot for MLB and OL:BA (and A:TLA back on ffn in hs but we don't talk about the dark ages hahaha)

4. top five fics by kudos:

Under The Moonlight - OL:BA smutty oneshot of what should have happened after the charity ball scene 😳

Crushtomer - MLB coffee shop AU one-shot with Barista!Adrien and Overworked Uni Student!Marinette (heavily inspired by my barista days in College, when I was writing this) ☕

King Agreste - a MLB AU oneshot inspired by the Grimm fairy tale Allerleirauh "all-kinds-of-fur" 🏰

You Said You Loved Me - an MLB kwami swap identity reveal wip i never finished and probably never will sorry 😬

Spider-Man: Homesickness - My take on what the MCU Spidey's life could be like 5 years post: No Way Home and his journey into letting people back into his life and not being so alone (My CURRENT BABY and WIP that I'm ALMOST DONE WITH - it's so fucking long alskdhasasjdkhksdjhfkfh my hope is that it ends up in the no. 1 spot someday when it's complete) 🕸️

5. do you respond to comments?

So I didn't always, but nowadays I try really hard to respond to every comment thread at least, even if I don't always have the last comment on the thread. I really REALLY appreciate each and every comment and I actually often re-read them when I'm feeling insecure in my writing (is that cringe? maybe lol but it's true)

6. what is the fic your wrote with the angstiest ending?

Definitely The Beauty of Green. 268-word OL: BA drabble that smacks you out of nowhere in the last two sentences. I never write things that short anymore but it just worked

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

A lot of my one-shots back when I was writing for MLB like 5 years ago have happy endings. I prefer more *complicated* endings now, but a genuinely happy ending can be nice too. May I present Drops in a Pond for consideration though? Not traditionally fluffy or sweet, but I like to think it's a soft and hopeful kind of ending.

8. do you get hate on fics?

I haven't yet. I think I'm too small of a creator to get hate lol

9. do you write smut?

I've posted one smut fic before, Under the Moonlight, listed above. It's my top-rated fic so I guess I know a little of what I'm doing. OH and my side-wip I'm working on when SMH is too angsty for me is all fluff and kinky Parkner smut and I'm so excited to post that someday when SMH is fully out and done.

10. craziest crossover:

I haven't written any crossovers, unless you count pulling from marvel canon across different adaptations to make SMH (it's got Gwen and Harry and Miles even though they're not in the MCU 19999 as of now). But I used to write a lot of aus

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I would be so honored if someone did! I once had a full conversation in the comments with someone in another language by using Google Translate and that was fun!

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

I think my writing process would be a little too unconventional to co-write with someone unless we were trading chapters and perspectives. I go back and edit my drafts a lot as I move forward and I would be too tempted to edit their writing too, which feels mean...

14. all time favorite ship?

I LITERALLY CAN NOT PICK DO NOT DO THIS TO ME!!!!! I will be a multi-shipper until the day I die, in basically every fandom.

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have an idea for a series of long fics making an MCU HS AU inspired by Degrassi, but I think it would be just too many hours and too many words that I won't ever commit to. I love a good HS AU every now and again, but I feel like a lot of people (across fandoms with hs aus tbh) write the characters as if they already have a lot of the canon quirks the characters have as adults. I would want to write them truly as their HS selves, acting like real teenagers and all the dumb shit teens do, as the reader follows along on the journey of their growing up.

16. what are your writing strengths?

I think I really like detail and trying to portray a level of reality with the characters, even in more fantastical settings. I want the character's choices and motivations to be both complex and clear to the reader, even when they're making choices that the reader disagrees with. I also think this is a skill that is more and more prevalent in my recent writing, so my earlier MLB stuff doesn't have as much of it. My OLBA stuff and now my Spidey stuff though? Yeah.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

Staying motivated to finish WIPS. (This is something I've improved a lot on though and at this point, barring some kind of life-or-death calamity in my life, I will absolutely be finishing SMH. I'm literally 120k of a predicted 150k words deep and going strong sooo).

OH ALSO comedy! I'm so bad at writing funny characters and making them actually say things that are both funny and make sense. Sucks when writing Spidey cause he can be such a little shit with his sarcastic comments and each dialogue point takes me 3-5 business weeks to come up with.

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I do it very rarely and only when it feels 100% necessary. I had a small bit in Spanish in ch 6 of SMH because Jeff and Rio were literally talking about Peter right in front of him and he could hear the words they were saying, even if he didn't understand them. But it was very brief.

I did it because the POV character literally didn't understand it, so it made sense to have it written out. In fics where the POV character understands what's being said, I prefer it all be written in the fic's primary language, for reader ease.

19. first fandom you wrote in?

A:TLA, like I said. That was back in the dark ages of my Junior Year of HS on my old ffn account that will never see the light of day again hahaha

20. favorite fic you've written?

Every current WIP has always been my favorite because that is what I'm thinking about. So SMH is definitely my current fave. It's my baby and I've put literally hundreds of hours into it (I keep a spreadsheet lol, it's nearly 150 hours of sheer writing, not including the early days of brainstorming and outlining.)

HOWEVER, back in the day, I was really proud of writing Answer Me and it's literally my lowest-rated fic, but I was such a fan of the genre and the Night Circus inspiration. Plus, I love Alya as a character and it was really fun to write from her perspective.

OH, and I'm still proud of Under the Moonlight because it taught me that my acespec ass can write smut and is also good at it, lol. I just have to write smut that's rooted in ~*~feelings~*~ and also has an element of humanism and imperfection. Which is the type of vibe I'm putting into my side-wip rn.

Thanks for tagging me, Sarah!

no pressure tagging: @seek--rest, @abcd-em, @missamyshay, @pbpsbff

[tinacentury]

Fic Writer Asks

Been a minute since I crawled out of my cave here, but an ask game remains the best way for me to do so. Thanks for the tag, @folklauerate!

How many works do you have on AO3?

21. Here they are so I don't have to link them all below.

What's your total AO3 word count?

107,797

What fandoms do you write for?

I was vehemently a one-fandom (Sailor Moon) person until Bridgerton season 2 came crashing into my life. I've accepted being a two-fandom writer now, but it's still weird.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

These are skewed because the Bridgerton fandom is bigger, so, by fandom:

Bridgerton: Follow the Sparks, An Involuntary Thing, Unframeable, Mine to Keep Warm, Canis caminan non est

Sailor Moon: Belonging, Familial Eyes, Win a Date with Tuxedo Mask!, Contrition, What Wasn't Said

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I definitely try to, but I fall behind. I like the fandom engagement piece of responding to comments and talking to friends and readers, but when it becomes an expectation at the expense of my sanity, I let myself off the hook. That's generally the approach that has worked best for me with all things fandom-related. This is supposed to be a hobby, not a chore.

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Contrition.

Do you get hate on fics?

Haven't gotten anything I would really describe as hate yet, but I have gotten some "this is boring" comments, and just recently had someone decide my comment section was the ideal place to talk about current world events. I do think it's absurd that we live in a world where I had to turn comment moderation on because of this.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

It's not my main focus, but yes. I'm not sure what it says about me that smut writing comes more easily to me in Bridgerton writing than it ever did in Sailor Moon writing.

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Nope!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Hard nope!

What's your all-time favorite ship?

I think it has to be a tie between Kanthony and Usamamo. Usamamo has the stronger history, being that I've shipped it since I was 11, and while I'm not super active in that fandom right now (tbh is anyone?), I won't be at all surprised if/when I get inspired to dive back in. Kanthony pulled me in the same way Usamamo did, so I can't not include them here.

What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Given my update speed, I tend to lean towards "never say never", but things don't look good for that Contrition sequel I've been banging on about since 2019.

What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm pretty good with dialogue; it comes more easily to me than all the other moving pieces. Went through a phase during which my writing got compared to poetry a lot, but I don't think I've been able to pull that off in any of my Bridgerton work yet.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I can tell you they're all tied to perfectionism -- speed, anything that happens in between dialogue making things sound pretty instead of dry and academic (damn that too many years of schooling), over-explaining things, and writing the same damn kiss the same damn way multiple times.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for fic?

Lol tell me you came of age in the 2000s without telling me. I would sprinkle it into Sailor Moon stuff, but there's a fine line between "this is useful" and "this reads like a geocities fanfic site from 1999." I haven't done it with Bridgerton just because I don't know enough, but I'll definitely ask @folklauerate and @hydriotaphia if I ever do!

First fandom you wrote for?

Sailor Moon when I was very, very, very young (cool that an eighth-grader did this, but not cool enough to show to anyone ever).

Favorite fic you've ever written?

-The Benedict chapter of An Involuntary Thing

-Despite a whole host of issues, 5 Years

This was fun and took me back! Tagging @kasienda, @penny-loaf, and @daikon1

[pinksirensong]

B.F.F.

Finale

At the waking world Y/N's body was found by Austin, since he left the room her painting didn't get out of his head and something told him to come back and see it once more. The boy was far away from an artist, yet all that sadness portrayed there connected with the once inside him. His friend Pietro once said that they painted thinking of something that might be the complete opposite of that the espectador will have, but somehow he knew they shared the same pain.

Her body was cold, yet she was far from being dead and quickly an ambulance was called. The noise was enough to wake many students from their dorms, soon they all made a crowd trying to figure out what happened. Austin didn't know her friends or family, so he could only call Pietro and, after explaining everything, ask for him to find anyone close to the girl.

Owen and Daniel arrived at the hospital when she was already inside being treated. Dehydration. Malnutrition. Reaction to non-prescribed drugs. Blood loss. All things that could be fixed, it wasn't past the point of saving. It wasn't the craziest thing the staff saw, so many students had a mental breakdown and did something extreme that by now they didn't get shocked by it. It wasn't normal the pressure their patients had and before leaving the hospital a psychiatrist would speak to them, but there was only so far they could help.

Y/N should've woken up when it was over, everything was a success and her body was fully healed, yet the artist was still sleeping. Father and son didn't understand why she was in a coma or why Death couldn't find her. A soul could be inside her both or in Dream's sister domain, yet it wasn't in either. Days passed by and no answer was given to them, the doctor said that perhaps she just wasn't ready to come back. Mind and body do not always agree with the necessary time to do things.

Orpheus felt even worse than with what happened to Eurydice, with his lover he at least knew where she was and had the chance to try to bring her back. Yes, he failed, but he went to the Underworld and fought as much as he could. Now, with Y/N, he couldn't do anything to even try helping her, because no one knew where she truly was. After all those years she was the constant in his life, his best friend and family, she was always there when he needed and with all that was happening Orpheus felt like he failed her.

Morpheus shared the feeling of impotence with his son, he was Dream of the Endless and yet couldn't find the one he loved. Perhaps he was being punished for all he had done in the past, for all his last relationship that ended badly because of him. His pride and his arrogance. Ever since Dream met Y/N he started to change even more, his heart was full of love and everyone around him could see it. When he came back from their dates the climate at the Dreaming was always the brightest and most beautiful one, even the dreamers could feel in their dreams the love he felt. How dare destiny try to take this away from him? Destiny. Yes, he could've asked his brother, but even if he didn't answer in riddles…Dream feared the response he would get. If she was truly gone, could the Endless be able to move one? Many came and go in his life, but with Y/N he could see a future…a life. Morpheus wanted to marry her, make her his queen and have children. Children, ever since Orpheus he never thought about it, but now he didn't have to feel guilty for wanting this because his son was right there and he cared for his carus deeply.

During her second week at the hospital, Austin came to visit her, only to find the two men at her bedside. Ever since he found her that night he weirdly started to sleep better, Austin could have sworn that she was in his dreams. It wasn't in a weird or perverted way, she was there like a kind soul leading him to the right path…inspiring him to follow his dreams. Maybe it was his brain reaction to what he felt seeing her painting or the passion she had for her work, but it made him want to do something he loved. Austin wanted to be a doctor, yes, but unlike the future his parents envisioned for him, the man only wanted to help people in need.

"I don't know you." the youngest of the two men, who Austin thought could only be Owen, said.

"Yeah, right… I'm Austin, the one who found her that day. I had just met her, actually." her face was as pale as when he found her, he thought that maybe after two weeks she would look better. "Is she okay? It's been weeks."

"The doctor said that although her body is healed, her mind might not be." for Orpheus' was almost impossible to explain the complexity of the situation. He wished it would be as simple as that.

Austin wasn't the only one having weird dreams, even some people who never met her were having dreams with the kind stranger that inspired them to follow their dreams. It was hard getting out of the bubble to chase the unknown, but it was also necessary to be happy.

Meanwhile, Y/N had no idea what was going on even since she was sucked into this place. Wherever that was she never even saw it in all her years alive, but then again she never saw much of the world. It seemed like a farm away from the urban part of whoever city it was, the people around were unknown to her and once one small child could actually see and talk to her. The boy was cute and sweet, full of dreams to archive in the future.

For days they would talk and she would encourage him to persuade whatever made him happy for without happiness there is no worth in doing something jus to please others. When she was pulled out of it, Y/N hoped that this times helped him see reason. Next was an older girl, no more than 18 years old, with a similar problem to the young boy. Why were people in such a need of help in finding their way?

It wasn't like Y/N knew all the answers, but with her experience and perseverance to do what she loved the most it was easier to help them. A few wise words, but most importantly words from the heart. Courage to do it, to free themselves from other's wishes wasn't something easy, it was painful and took time and effort, but at the end it was worth it. All of it.

Time passed by, perhaps days or months, it was unclear to her as she as puller towards so many people. Sometimes it was day and others night. It could be too warm or too cold. Big city or small town. It was like living many lifetimes, yet none were really hers. Was it bad that she enjoyed it all too much? She belonged there, doing exactly what she was doing. Now her art meant so much more than before.

"Hello, dear. Have someone ever told you that you are a hard person to find?"

"I am deeply sorry, lady Death. It was not my intention to come here…wherever that might be." it felt good to not be afraid of the future, if it was her time then so be it. She inspired and left her legacy, she loved and was loved back…Y/N was happy, if she died now it would be as a happy woman.

"There's no need for formalities, dear. Before we talk perhaps it would do us some good in waiting, I'm sure by brother sensed my presence and is coming to question it."

"Why would he question you for doing your job?"

"Because this is the Dreaming." Dream's deep voice echoed through her ears.

"You came faster than I expected, brother." Death came closer to the young woman, who didn't understand a thing about what was happening. Morpheus didn't seem to like it, afraid of the outcome. "Your soul came to the Dreaming, Y/N L/N. At this instant you're neither alive or dead. I cannot take your soul, but you are not able to come back to your body."

"I don't get it…it just happened. This really strong force brought me here and I've no idea what's going on. There's this people I don't know, but there's this connection to them…like I need to help, to inspire them to become their better version."

"I believe that would be my fault." Morpheus approached her and grabbed her hand with his. "The Dreaming and I are the same, we are an extension of each other. You have always been my dream, my love, my carus. When I thought that…I would lose you the Dreaming pulled you here where it would keep you safe. The rest it all you, your essence of helping others with their passion." while he spoke, Dream didn't stop caressing her hand.

"And now you must choose your path." said Death, she didn't want to interrupt the moment or be the one to break her little brother's heart, but it was her duty.

"Sister, please."

"You know it's necessary." the kind woman turned to the artist. "Y/N, you have a choice to make. You can either stay here on the Dreaming as one of my brother's subjects or you might come with me."

"Wait! Do not answer yet, Y/N. Please, hear me first." his other hand came up to her cheek, she closed her eyes at the contact, happy to feel him close. "I will not take your choice, no matter what know that I will support it. But I cannot let you answer before asking. No. Begging you to stay. Please, carus, choose us. Choose the Dreaming so we shall be together forever. Choose to be my dream, my love, my wife. Let me spend the rest of my endless life by your side, I will do anything in my power to make you happy. Choose me. Please." never once Death saw her brother beg for something, much less for someone. It broke her heart to be the one making this to him.

"Oh, Morpheus." it was the first time Y/N had called him by one of his names and hearing it was ever better than he imagine it. Her eyes now open were full of tears they she couldn't contain. "I choose you, today and for the rest of my life. I will be your dream and your love, just as you're mine. And yes, I'll be your wife. You have me, you've always had all of me. I love you, Morpheus." not being able to hold back for another second, Dream pulled her by the waist and they kissed. They put all lf their feeling in the kiss, how much they missed and loved each other, how they wished to never be apart from the other. It felt like seconds and yet also like centuries. It wasn't enough, but for now it would have to be. After separating their lips, Y/N turned her head on the direction of Death. "I choose to stay at the Dreaming, but I thank you for all your kindness and patient. It's nice to know that the last face we will all see will be your."

"She's a catch, brother. Don't ruin it." it was a bit of threatening towards him, but somehow also a joke.

"I would never." that was a promise he made to himself that day, Morpheus would worship you the way you've always deserved, love you like no one else ever would. He will, for the rest of his days, take care of his queen in every possible way.

"Oh, I can't wait to tell Orpheus that I'm actually your dream now."

.

.

.

a/n: and that's it... clearly I don't know how to make a properly happy ending, sorry...

*Carus is dear or beloved in Latin (source: google)

tag list: @jesllianaquilesrolon @reallystressedhoneybee @waitingformysandman @mypsychoticlove @igotanidea

[asyouleft]

Thank you for the tag @happyaspie

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

- 89! I have a lot of other works that never made the move from LJ to a03 tho.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

- 1,100,235. I like to think this is an indication of how my mental health is, lmao.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

- Mosly MCU Irondad but I have caved and started writing Heartstopper lately. And I have some Our Flag Means Death fics in the works. I used to write a lot of McShep for Stargate Atlantis, as well as Supernatural, Harry Potter, Torchwood & Doctor Who.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

- Five Time Faculty Members Had to Call Peter's Emergency Contact + One Time He Shows Up Anyway 5,410 kudos

-Five Times Tony Stark's Fabled Intern Just Showed Up + One Time He Was Invited  2,824 kudos

- The Hero of Our Own Story 2,033 kudos

- There is Always One Last Light to Turn Out 1,854 kudos

- For We are Bound by Symmetry 1,730 kudos

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! I like to say thank you to everyone who comments because I am forever grateful for it!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

If You Find That You Feel Lost, I'll Be Your Ticket Back which I think has a happy ending to it but others disagree. And Films About Ghost which also is a happy/sad ending. There's resolutions but it's not what everyone wants.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hmm, I think they all end kinda happy? lol Maybe Operation: Graduation but it's very light hearted.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Yeah, not very often but I think sometimes I like moving away from tropes and mixing it up a bit. For We Are Bound by Symmetry got some hate on how I handled the bio!Dad thing. We Always Walked a Very Thin Line got some unexpected hate! And recently there was an anon on Edges of Your Name that poked a little.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, I'm writing one now, lol. I mostly do slash but I've dabbled in het a few times.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Nah, not really.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope! I don't look for it anyway and I doubt anyone would want to steal my shit, lol.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes!! Oh my god, someone did two fics in RUSSIAN and I was so happy I cried! Honestly I felt so good about it!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

A very long time ago, I did a Hanson shoebox AU with my friend, haha. And even before that me and my high school bestie cowork some Hanson fics but nope! I'd love to though. Someone cowrite something with me, please!!!

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Ngggh. This is hard because my brain is like MCSHEP BITCH (John Sheppard/Rodney McKay) and then immedatly followed by Nick Nelson/Charlie Spring, Aziraphale/Crowley, Ed/Stede, Jack/Ianto. And I just realized a majority of these are CANON which NEVER HAPPENS TO ME and I think I might die of happiness knowing my ships are canon. (Also wow my brain did not come up with a single het ship lol opps)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My WIP folder has about 49 fics in it, so yeah. There's a Richard Parker Alive but Terrible Parent fic that I was pretty far into before I gave up. I'd like to actually finish that but I've lost the plot bunny somewhere.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Hmm, I dunno, honestly. I think I can write certain characters well like the funny sarcastic ones (Peter Parker, Charlie Spring, Rodney McKay and even Tony Stark) because it's just me, hi, that's me.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Aside from spelling, lolz? I think I get too wordy sometimes, I have to cut paragraphs off in editing because I just keep going. I also think I can't end a scene to save my life sometimes and get frustrated when I don't think the end point works.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't think I really have? I dunno, Nick hasn't spoken French in a fic yet, damn I might just have to add that soon...

19. First fandom you wrote for?

OKAY if we're going to be for reals about this, most likely the Hobbit or The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe. I was writing fic as a kid (self insert no less) without realizing it. Later I'd write "episodes" of like Rainbow Brite, or Carebears, Inspector Gadget, Captain Planet. I'd also write one off Marvel/DC stuff with a self insert superhero (aka me with powers, usually I was an x-man lmao).

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Nhggh, that's hard. I like, act like I like what I write but I also end up like, hating it? I think I really love how Just an Intern turned out, from conception to finishing it, it was a fun write. And I quiet like how Edges of Your Name has come together too. But I think I had a little magic in me when I wrote There is Always One Last Light to Turn Out somehow. I wrote the thing in like 2 days and I think it came out rather well for something I mostly texted to speech as I was driving to work, ha.

And I'm terrible at tagging people so whomever!

[hummingbird-of-light]

No. 18 “I tend to deflect when I’m feeling threatened.” (blindfold)

~

He had no idea where he was. All he knew was that his body was tied to a cold table. He couldn’t see anything for a blindfold covered his eyes.

There was someone with him. He knew it. The doctor could hear the sound of slow steps echoing through the room.

And yet another familiar sound reached his ears. The sound of someone whistling a song. It sent shivers down McCoy’s spine.

He knew that song very well. His mother used to sing it to him when he was a little boy. But somehow he knew that whoever had taken him was not the type of person to sing him a lullaby.

No. His captor probably had far darker plans for McCoy.

He once again tried to break free, however, it was impossible to move his body. McCoy let out a desperate groan, but his voice got stuck in his throat when suddenly he felt something cold and sharp touching his bare chest.

The doctor’s heart skipped a beat and he shook his head in panic. He knew the feeling of a scalpel when he felt one.

“Whoa! Hey, hey, hey. What do you think you’re doing, man?”

He got no reply. Instead, the whistling, which had stopped for a short moment, only continued.

“Stop it! Please, don-“

McCoy didn’t get to finish his plead for mercy for suddenly the blade started to slice up his torso. The doctor screamed out as agonizing pain filled his whole body.

He couldn’t stop the hot tears from streaming down his face as he violently shook his head, sobbing loudly.

It hurt! It hurt just so much!

He didn’t know how it happened, but somehow the blindfold loosened and merely seconds later completely fell off.

What he saw was the craziest thing the doctor had ever seen in his whole life.

He could only stare in disbelief at the man looking back at him.

It was… him.

His tormentor looked just like McCoy himself. The only thing different were his uniform and the eyepatch covering his right eye. It was accompanied by a huge scar on that side of the face.

McCoy opened his mouth to say something, but no word left it.

And suddenly there was this horrible grin on his counterpart’s face as the man used one of his gloved hands to touch McCoy’s cheek.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Leonard. I didn’t mean for you to see me. To see yourself cutting you up. But I suppose I can’t prevent it now, can I?”

Once again, McCoy shook his head. This was… impossible! It couldn’t be real!

“Why?”

It was the only word he managed to croak out and his captor just sighed heavily.

“Well… it’s not easy to live with a disease that makes your organs fail one by one. Actually it sucks pretty much. So I thought to myself… what better organ donor is there than your counterpart of another universe?”

The smile on the other McCoy’s face only widened and a second later he continued his work.

“The answer is quite simple, Leonard. There is no better donor.”

The last thing McCoy heard was the sound of the familiar song being whistled while his twisted mirror version slowly took him apart.

[akocomyk]

Dating Game

2023’s 8th Most Memorable Moment

When my ex and I broke up, one of my friends urged me to talk and meet new people through Bumble dating. It can be my distraction and coping mechanism from the heavy emotions I was feeling. My goal was to just enjoy the dating experience and not necessarily focus on getting in a relationship—if it does happen, then good, but if not, then that’s also okay.

What’s important is for me to not wallow on the side effects of my grief.

When I set up my profile, I included a video of me doing a cover of Daniel Caesar (and H.E.R.)’s song.

Did it work? It damn well did.

And in turn, it gave me one of the craziest experiences in my life—and there’ll be more about this as we go further up the Top 11 list.

In the first one to two weeks I’d been swiping and talking, at least five people expressed their intentions in going out with me. There was also a period when three people were courting me at the same time. And... Yeah, this wasn’t even the crazy part I mentioned earlier.

There were 14 notable people in this experience, including those I had been in significant talking stages: Steph, Pat, Shan, Gerome, Boom, Rupert, Vry, Adri, Jai, Kenneth, Kim, Keith, James, and John.

Most of these people I talked to or went out with from June to August. One of them was the guy whom I promised to date ‘til the end of 2023. One had halitosis. One hoped he could get a partner before he moved to the US. One I liked but was inconsistent. There’s one guy I really vibed with and we had mutual feelings for each other, but he said he was indecisive and I deserve someone more than him. Then there’s a dentist who hasn’t moved on yet from his past heartbreak—we still talk to this day.

So, unfortunately, none of them ended up being my partner—at least, for now? I mean, we can’t tell what the future has for us. However, I’m still thankful that these people have been a part of my 2023. No matter how small that part may be, I’d still have them etched in my memory.

I’m no longer as active in Bumble as I was before. Because... reasons. And one of those reasons is… dating can be quite exhaustive. You talk to people, you let them in to your life, you meet them, etc., and even after doing all this, nothing happens still. You’re just left emotionally, physically, and financially drained. And it’s not easy to take in the fact that you hurt people when you’re incapable of loving them back, even when they’ve done nothing wrong and only mean to make you happy.

Kaya nga may nagsabi sa’kin ng, “Loving you is not for the faint of heart.”

If there’s any good takeaway from this memory, it’s how I regained my confidence in conversing with other people. And more importantly, I was able to realize my worth as a person. In a sense, no longer will I accept the bare minimum if someone desires to jump on a commitment with me. I have witnessed what people are willing to do to win my heart, and it showed me the difference between the things that I deserve and don’t deserve.

[skye-huntress]

Hello! I'm a big fan of your nuanced commentary/analysis, especially in regards to Weiss.

Do you have any spare thoughts in regards to the trajectory of Weiss and Ruby’s character arcs moving forward? Or what the future might look like for the both of them?

Thank you for the kind words. Hope you don’t mind, I’ve taken some time to get my thoughts in order.

Starting with Ruby, it seems she is being set up for an opportunity to make a change within herself. I do agree that a change is necessary for her to start moving forward again, the question is whether that change will be positive or negative, and what part of her old self will be lost in the process.

As far as I am concerned, she doesn’t need some big, dramatic change, because she already has most of the desired qualities of both a Huntress and a leader. The problem is it doesn’t matter what I think, or what happens to be true, this is about what Ruby believes. She believes her choices lead to Atlas’ destruction, and that she got Penny killed. She believes if she continues to be leader, her friends will continue to get hurt and possibly die, because of her. We saw a bit of this side in Ruby during the board game. It’s a good thing that Ruby cares for her team, and for the people she’s charged with protecting, but the reality of being a leader is that not all of your decisions will work out, and that some things will be out of your control. However, she is far more capable than she gives herself credit for, and not just her, her team as well. She should have more faith in herself, and she should trust her team know what the risks are and yet choose to follow her anyway, because they have faith in her.

As for Weiss, although she finally got to arrest her father and reconnect with the rest of her family, her life is now a complete mess. Worst of all, being stuck in the Ever After means she has no choice but to postpone even attempting to sort it all out, which I suspect is why she more than anyone is so openly frustrated with the situation. Who has the time and patience for fairy tales when your home was just destroyed and you don’t know if your family is even alive? The team’s latest predicament certainly won’t help her mood, she’s now too small to be much good for anything and has to rely on her unarmed, emotionally vulnerable best friend to carry her forward.

And then there is that issue. They’re all aware that Ruby is not okay, but none of them know what to say or do for her. It wasn’t that long ago that Blake and Yang tried to talk to her, but I could tell their words weren’t enough to dispel her deepest fears and insecurities. Yang is her sister and practically raised her, while Blake was very similar to Ruby and can relate to her on being disillusioned with the world and their efforts to change it for the better. Weiss brings yet another unique perspective, yet it is one we haven’t heard from yet. We all know what Weiss thought of Ruby when they first met, and it’s probably not too far off from how Ruby thinks of herself now, yet Weiss has chosen to follow her and to go along with even the craziest of her plans. She was the biggest sceptic that turned into the most faithful believer, which is why I think it is Weiss’ perspective that Ruby needs to hear most. However, I don’t think Weiss has figured out what she should say, and Ruby’s probably not ready to listen just yet.

Moving past Volume 9, for Ruby it will depend on what about herself she chooses to change, but Weiss will probably have other issues to deal with. Her family are in Vacuo as refugees, without any of their wealth, or the resources of the SDC. Vacuo is Salem’s next target, with Tyrian and Mercury likely already beginning the prep work for a repeat of what happened to Atlas. While Vacuo had the space to move thousands of refugees to, and the available Huntsmen to protect them from the Grimm, it’s very unlikely they have the spare resources to do much else for them. It would take time to contact Vale and Mistral for aid, and those Kingdoms are still recovering from their own attacks. If Weiss can’t get her family out of Vacuo quickly enough, they’re bound to get caught in another war zone, and without the benefit of hiding in a manor this time. Of particular concern is Winter, whom now has a massive target on her back. Unlike Raven, she’ll continue to directly oppose Salem, and she’ll have to contend with Cinder pulling every dirty trick she can to steal her power.

I bring all this up to say that compared to the other three, Weiss may end up having a lot on her plate to be worried about, and I only mentioned her short-term concerns. She may end up juggling multiple priorities and obligations: on one hand, there is her team and their mission to stop Salem; and on the other, is her family, their safety and their future. Hopefully, she’ll get the support she needs from both her families, so she isn’t too overwhelmed, but I am somewhat concerned.

Because I am such a hopeless White Rose shipper, I close off with what I think of their relationship. Regardless of whether they end up together-together, what I do see is Weiss often standing at Ruby’s side and constantly watching out for her. She is Ruby’s loyal knight in shining spectral armour, or perhaps now we should consider her Ruby’s guardian angel.

[fangirlwriting-stories]

One Chance To Make A First Impression

Chapter One

Chapter 6/6:

Remus hadn’t done much in regards to considering his soulmate since getting together with Janus.  He hadn’t stopped thinking about his soulmate entirely, but he was also perfectly content with their current plan of “we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”  Janus was what he’d wanted for a very long time, he wasn’t going to not enjoy that because of someone he hadn’t met yet.

So he’d wait and see.  He’d stopped having expectations about his soulmate a long time ago, anyway.  His soulmark read “Are you sure?” which was so generic it could mean just about anything.  Heck, Remus had been asked that a couple times before it turned out the marks didn’t match up.  So he was reserving judgment as best as one really could when it came to these things, and just enjoying his life as it was for right now.

Going on dates with Janus were one of the highlights nowadays, though hanging out with Virgil had started to become a highlight too (Roman and Janus were right, he did love him).  But both of them were fun just to walk around and make fun of people with, which is why when the three of them did stuff together they didn’t plan anything specific, and why today they were just walking down the street together, in an area they weren’t as familiar with, waiting to see what would happen.

And today, what ended up happening was Remus spotted a tattoo parlor, grabbed Janus and Virgil’s arms, pulled them both close, and turned them towards it.

“Guys,” he said.  “There.”

Janus glanced over at the shop, and turned a raised eyebrow back at Remus.  “What?”

“I want one.”

“Just… out of nowhere, like that?” Virgil asked, sounding a little baffled by it.

“Well, I mean, you and Logan told me you want to cover your soulmarks and Roman asked me for help brainstorming ideas, but also yes.”

Janus laughed a little.  “Alright, fair enough.  Though I’d recommend waiting a while to consider what you want before you get the first thing you lay eyes on permanently etched onto your skin.”

Remus turned and gave Janus a very firm look, then walked over to the tattoo parlor and slammed opened the door.

“I want your wildest, craziest, least popular tattoo permanently etched on my skin,” he announced to the shop, currently empty except for the very pretty person behind the counter, who was staring at Remus like he’d grown a second head.

Before Remus could say anything else, or ask why the person looked like he was reevaluating his whole life, the person asked, “Are you sure?”

Remus brushed past his soulmark like usual with a nod, and started towards the counter, pulling the book there with the example art towards him.  Janus and Virgil walked up from behind him, and Remus was about to slide the book over and ask for opinions when the tattoo artist grabbed his hand suddenly, and Remus glanced up.

“Uh…”

“Sorry,” the person said instantly, pulling his hand back.  “I uh, yours is probably a bit more generic than mine, huh?”

Remus stared at him.  “What are you talking about?”

The person turned his hand over and presented his wrist to Remus, and Remus looked down to see the words he’d just said a minute ago written there.

It took a minute for it to process, but once it did, Remus yelped in surprise and jerked backwards.

His soulmate moved backwards too, and held up his hands in a clearly placating way.

Remus looked back at Janus, who now looked nervous but almost seemed to be doing an okay job of hiding it.  Virgil, on the other hand, despite being less involved, was now looking between Janus, Remus, and Thomas in a very obvious way.

Remus opened his mouth but nothing came out.  Then he turned back to his soulmate.  “Uh… fuck.”

His soulmate’s gaze turned slightly curious, and Remus felt a spike of nerves.

“Do you want us to leave?” Janus asked.

“No,” Remus said instantly, turning to Janus and Virgil both.  “Fuck no.  You’re staying right here.  I uh—” he turned back to his soulmate.

“Okay, uh.  So.  Fun story.  I’m Remus.  You’re my soulmate…”

“Thomas,” Thomas said, still seeming confused.

“Thomas!  Cool!  This is my friend Virgil.”

Virgil waved nervously.

“And this… is my boyfriend!  Janus?” Remus said, with a tense smile and a gesture back at Janus.

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but it definitely wasn’t for Thomas’ eyes to widen slightly before he slumped against the counter and sighed in what sounded like relief.

“Oh thank god,” he said, and now Remus was the one confused.

But Thomas did then smile up at him in relief.  “Sorry, I just… I’ve kinda been worrying for a while about explaining that I don’t want to date you right away just because we’re soulmates.  But now I’m thinking you probably get that.”

Remus blinked.  “Oh.  Oh, yeah!” he laughed a little in relief.  “Yeah, that… that’s cool.”

“Very cool,” Janus said with a smile of his own, and Virgil gave a relieved sigh, mostly seeming glad they weren’t going to cause a scene.

“I mean, I wouldn’t mind getting to know you, if you don’t mind that,” Thomas said, rubbing the back of his neck.  “But I’d like to do that first.”

“Totally.  Yes, please, let’s do that,” Remus said, starting to grin.

Thomas grinned a little too.  “Awesome.  Here, let me…” he grabbed a piece of paper from somewhere under the counter, then slid it across the counter.  “That’s my phone number.  Whenever you’re ready.”

Remus tore off part of the paper and wrote his own phone number down, then slid it back across to Thomas.  “Back at you.”

Thomas smiled, and gave a mini salute.

They left shortly after, meaning it turned out that Remus wasn’t going to get a tattoo that day, but he did end up getting a lot to think about.

…

He and Thomas met up for coffee not long after, sans Janus and Virgil this time.  According to Janus, the coffee shop he and Roman had used to meet Patton had good coffee and good vibes, so they went with that one and got a table by the window.

“Would Janus be okay with us meeting without him?” Thomas asked when Remus told him Janus wouldn’t be coming.

“Oh yeah,” Remus said.  “There’s not much he wouldn’t be cool with as long as I let him know first.  He’d be cool with us dating if we decide to do that.  Janus and I are both very poly,” Remus said.  “Janus has two soulmates, and one of his soulmates has two boyfriends who aren’t his soulmates, so we’re all kinda…” Remus waved his hands around in a vague loose motion.

Thomas laughed a little.  “Fair enough,” he said.  “So, uh… tell me about yourself, then.”

“I’m an artist!” Remus said with a grin.  “I draw and I spraypaint.  I’m pretty good too, if I do say so myself.  Definitely better than my brother Roman.”

Thomas laughed again at that.

“Never done tattoos before though,” Remus admitted.  “I’m sure it’s relatively the same, right?”  He grinned wide to make sure Thomas knew he was joking.

Thomas snorted.  “Oh, yeah, very similar.  Definitely no chance for severe bodily harm or anything.”

“That’s what I thought!”

Thomas rolled his eyes, luckily seeming more amused than irritated.

“Okay but honestly, tell me,” Remus said, leaning forward.  “Why tattoos?  What do you like about it?”

“Oh, well at first I hated it.  It scared the shit out of me,” Thomas said with a shrug.

Remus blinked.  “Uh, what?  Why become a tattoo artist then?”

Thomas looked down at his wrist and shrugged again.  “I felt like I had to,” he said.  “My wrist was telling me that if I wanted to meet my soulmate and be happy, I had to be a tattoo artist.”

Remus stopped smiling.  “Shit.  Oh shit, I’m sorry.”

“What?  No,” Thomas said, giving him a surprised look.  “It’s not— you don’t need to apologize.  First of all, you’re not responsible for my choices.  Second, I appreciate what it taught me.  I wouldn’t have the values I do without being a tattoo artist.”

“Oh?” Remus asked curiously.

“You meet a very specific kind of person more often than in any other profession,” Thomas said.  “People come to me to get their soulmarks covered.  I had to get really comfy with it really quick.  And it wasn’t all bad stories either.  Some people do come in because their soulmates turned out to be assholes, but not always.  Some soulmates came in together because they didn’t want the permanent reminder of their meeting.  Some didn’t want soulmates, or wanted to be with someone other than their soulmates.  There’s all sorts of reasons, and it helped me think a lot about what I wanted too.”  Thomas chucked a little, mostly to himself.  “I also got good at my job and it stopped scaring me so much.”

“Huh,” Remus said, considering that.  “I guess I haven’t thought about that before.”  He looked back at Thomas.  “Could I potentially bring you some people who might want their soulmarks covered?”

“I mean, not for free, if that’s what you’re asking,” Thomas said with a slightly teasing smile.  “But of course.”

“Cool.  Might do that, then,” Remus said.  “But anyway, that’s neat.  Honestly my story’s a little less interesting.  I just got so used to hearing my soulmark over and over in regular life that I kind of stopped expecting it.  My perspective on soulmates shifted much more because of Janus.”

“Yeah, how’d you two meet?” Thomas asked, leaning forward and resting his chin on his hand like he was very interested in what Remus would say.

“Janus is my brother’s soulmate,” Remus said.  “They met first.  And I liked him too, but I just kinda figured, you know, Janus has Roman, so why would he need me?  Which was ridiculous in retrospect, because Janus and Roman already had another soulmate, so it’s not like they were against multiple partners, I just,” Remus shrugged.  “I dunno.”

Thomas nodded.  “I get that,” he said.  “Soulmates can be bullshit.”

Remus smiled a little.  “True that,” he said.  Then his smile widened, despite himself.  “I like you, though.”

“You’re not so bad yourself,” Thomas said with a returned grin.  “Enough about soulmates, though.  I want to hear about stuff you like.”

Remus brightened.  “Well, like I said, I’m an artist.  I acted a bit in high school, though Roman took to that far more than I did.  I prefer more improv stuff.”

“I acted in high school too,” Thomas said with a bright smile.  “I’ve always wanted to try voice acting.”

“What’s stopping you?” Remus said, throwing his arms wide with a beaming smile.  “Let’s make a story podcast!  And you can voice all the characters!”

Thomas gave a startled laugh.  “All of them?”

“Why the fuck not!”

Thomas laughed again.  “I’d be very down,” he said.  “I might hold you to that.”

“I’d love it if you do,” Remus said with a grin.  Thomas was fun, he’d just decided.

Remus left that day feeling that if Thomas did want to date, he’d be down for it.  But just hanging out with him was proving pretty good too.

…

Logan decided to turn his soulmarks into constellations, and Virgil covered his with storm clouds.  Remus wasn’t close enough to Logan to be there for the first, but he was there for the second, meaning he was treated to Thomas’ adorable concentration face.  At one point he stuck his tongue out just slightly between his teeth, and Remus decided about that time that he badly wanted to kiss his face.

And then the next second, a voice in the back of his head whispered: You never want to kiss Janus’ face that much.

Remus blinked, startled.  That… so what?  Relationships with different people look different.

Remus shook himself with a roll of his eyes, and turned back to watching Thomas give Virgil his tattoo.

It wasn’t long after that when Thomas finished, and gave Virgil his instructions on how to take care of it, and then told them goodbye.

“Aww, you don’t want me to stick around Thomathy?” Remus asked, leaning in and waggling his eyebrows.  “I can think of some things to do if you don’t want the fun to end yet.”

Thomas gave him a look.  “I have other customers who’ve made appointments, Remus.  I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

Remus blew a raspberry, but left with Virgil.

“Your tattoo looks sick by the way,” Remus said to Virgil as they walked out of the shop.

“I know, right?” Virgil said with a grin.  “Thanks for finding your soulmate, dude, it really helped me and my life.”

Remus snorted.  “Hey, anytime.”

“This was such a great idea,” Virgil said, beaming down at his wrist even though it was technically bandaged for now.  “Logan’s looked good, but mine, fuck.”

“I imagine that’s why Logan didn’t get yours,” Remus said.  “Considering you both have different tastes.”

“Shut up, this moment is too amazing.”

Remus laughed.  “I’m really happy for you.”

“I’m really happy for me too,” Virgil said with a grin.  “Thanks for coming, by the way.  It was nice having someone else there.”

“Yeah, sorry Logan and Patton couldn’t make it,” Remus said.

Virgil shook his head.  “I’m okay with that.  We’ve never really made our soulmates a huge part of our relationship, unless you count the meetings back in high school.  I didn’t need them to be there, I just didn’t want to go alone.”

“Well, I’m happy to be a standin then,” Remus said.

“Oh shut it,” Virgil said, shoving Remus’ shoulder.  “You’re not a standin for someone else, you’re my friend.”

“I am.  Wow, you’re so lucky,” Remus said, and Virgil laughed.

“You’re pretty lucky too, you know,” he said after a second.  “Thomas isn’t bad, as soulmates go.”

“I’d say he’s pretty good, actually,” Remus said thoughtfully.  “I think I wanna kiss him.”

“Oh hell yeah, go for it.”

“I mean, I also think I might ask first,” Remus said, ignoring Virgil sticking his tongue out.  “But yeah, I will ask.  I mean it’s pretty low stakes.  Janus said he’s cool with us dating, Thomas seems fun and I like him, and even if he doesn’t want to, we get to be friends.  I’m gonna go for it.”

“You do that,” Virgil said.  “Also, give me half of your confidence, please.”

“Ha, no.  But I might loan it occasionally.”

“I’ll be taking you up on that.”

…

Janus said he was cool with it, meaning when Remus met Thomas after work the next day, he was holding flowers arranged to look like a skull (because Thomas had to know what he was getting into if he said yes).

Thomas smiled at Remus when he noticed him, and then the smile turned confused and fond at the same time when he noticed the flowers.

“Uh, are those for me?” Thomas asked, pulling his jacket off the hook it was hanging on as he walked over.

“They are!” Remus said, shoving them out in front of him.  “Thomas Sanders, if you would be so inclined, I would like to take you on a date.  Zero pressure, please know I appreciate your companionship no matter the context, and I will give you a flower back guarantee that I will not make things awkward if you say no.”

Thomas laughed.  “That sounds really fun,” he said, and to Remus’ delight, he accepted the flowers.  “Where are we going?”

“Have you ever been to a rage room?” Remus asked with a grin.  “They’re super helpful when you’re angry, but also it’s just fun to break shit!”

Thomas blinked, and seemed to consider that for a second.  “I have not done that before,” he admitted.  “It sounds fun, though.”

“It is!” Remus said.  “I have emergency outfits in the back of my car that I don’t care about getting dirty or messed up, so I can loan you one!”

“You have emergency outfits in the back of your car?” Thomas asked in surprise.

“Yep!  Emergency mess outfits, emergency drag outfits, and one emergency formal outfit that Roman put there without my permission and insists I keep there.”

“That’s an interesting thing to insist on,” Thomas said as Remus opened his trunk.

“Well, I got to put an emergency drag outfit in the back of his car in exchange.  I actually think he kind of wanted one though, so it was really an unfair trade, so I also add a strange object every couple months without ever telling him I’m doing it.  I’m pretty sure he thinks his trunk is haunted.”

“…You said you guys are brothers?” Thomas asked with a small smile.

“Hope it’s obvious enough,” Remus said, handing Thomas the emergency mess outfit and then heading around to the front of the car.

They made it to the rage room just in time for Remus’ reservation, and luckily the people at the front desk knew him well enough that they just waved them both back to Remus’ favorite.  They knew him first from his attempts to get out all his anger and sadness at not being able to be with Janus, and then, after his life improved significantly, they grew to know him as “that weird guy who still likes to break shit.”

Remus’ favorite is a room with a ton of fake skulls, which is an additional reason for the skull themed flowers that thankfully he can tell Thomas is noticing as they walk in.

Remus offers Thomas a bat and a second bat with spikes.  Thomas considers them both for a minute and then picks the one with spikes, with a comment about how if they’re here to literally rage this feels like it fits the theme better.  Remus decides right there that he’s absolutely going to ask to kiss Thomas’ face off when they leave here.

Remus takes off first and starts whacking at the skulls, and though Thomas seems a little startled by the intensity at first, eventually he gets into it, and eventually they’re both whacking the fake skulls on the pedestals against the wall.

Thomas seems a little out of breath by the time they’re both done whacking things around, but that’s relatively understandable for a first time, and they’re both bright-eyed and grinning at each and Remus wants to kiss him so badly it’s kind of making his chest hurt.

Remus looks at him for a moment, and then Thomas turns to him with a bright grin, and Remus is about to open his mouth and ask if he can kiss him, but then an employee sticks his head in the room and says they’re going to need to clean up for the next person soon.

Thomas smiles and nods at the employee, then reaches out and grabs Remus’ hand, grinning at him as they both walked towards the exit.

“That was amazing,” he said as they walked out the doors.

“It was,” Remus said, grinning right back.  “It really looked like you were having fun.”

“I was,” Thomas said.  “Man, there are so many times I could have used that when I was younger.”

“You and me both,” Remus said, beaming at him.  “And now we can come just for fun if you want.”

“I do want that,” Thomas said, turning to face him with a wide bright smile.  “When do you want to come again?”

“I don’t know, when do you want to come again?”

“As soon as physically possible!”

“I think I can hook you up!”

“Awesome,” Thomas said with a wide grin.

“It is, isn’t it,” Remus said, bouncing back and forth on his feet a little.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Yes, I want that please!”

Thomas reached out and pulled Remus in, and they kissed right there in the parking lot, ignoring everyone who was walking past them.  And Remus felt sparks flying, and he pulled Thomas in closer, and even though they weren’t really doing anything more than putting their lips together, Remus felt lit up.

Thomas pulled away a second later with a still-bright smile, and Remus grinned back at him, already excited about the prospect of doing this again.

You never do that with Janus, hissed a voice in the back of his head.

Remus’ heart dropped to his stomach.

Wait.  Wait.  Shit.

…

Okay, so the thing is, relationships do look different with different people.  Remus knows that.  Obviously you don’t have to kiss someone to be in a romantic relationship.  He and Janus are less physical, and that’s fine.  They’re both comfortable with it.

But the thing is… Remus has never felt quite that sparky romantic ‘oh my god he’s amazing’ vibe with Janus.  Janus is amazing.  But the vibe with him has always been closer to ‘I want you in my life and I want to be close to you.’  Is that different?  It feels different.  Why does it feel different?  Why can’t he explain why it feels different to himself?

So now Remus has a big humongous ginormous problem.  Because what he’d said to Virgil about asking Thomas if he could kiss him being low-stakes?  Totally true.  In fact, so low-stakes that Thomas asked him first and Remus rolled with it immediately.

Talking with Janus about how his relationship with Thomas felt different and he maybe didn’t want to date anymore but also did but in a different way?  Super high stakes.  The highest of high stakes.  Potentially life-altering in a super negative way high stakes.

How did he even explain “I want to date you but not really?”  “I don’t want to date you anymore but I don’t want to go back to being friends?”  “I want to be close to you and important to you like we are dating but also I don’t want to date?”  That didn’t even make any fucking sense.

The other problem was, however, that Remus was really, really bad at hiding things from Janus.  That’s probably been made pretty clear at this point.  So as soon as realized something had shifted in his relationship with Janus, Janus noticed.  And with the whole thing they were trying to do now with communication, it definitely wasn’t going to be long before he brought it up.

So, Remus went to his best potential option for weird relationship stuff.

“So, to be clear, you want to tell Janus that you want to date him but also don’t,” Virgil said, sounding just as confused as Remus felt.

“I know it doesn’t make any sense,” Remus groaned, leaning back on his bed.  “I just— it feels different.  I don’t even know how to explain the difference, it’s just— a vibe.”

“Feelings are stupid,” Virgil said with a sagely nod.

“I just— what do I say?  How the fuck do I explain that this doesn’t mean I care about him any less?  I don’t even really want things to change, I feel like I just want to label shit differently!  How do I say that?”

“Uh,” Virgil said.  “Like that?”

“But I don’t want him to think he’s done something wrong!” Remus exclaimed.  “Or that I don’t want him around anymore!  I don’t— I don’t want to lose him, Virgil.”

“Hey,” Virgil said, moving to sit down on the bed next to Remus.  “You love him, right?”

Remus nodded.

“And you two have been communicating better, right?”

Remus nodded again.

“Then ask him to hear you out and reassure him your feelings haven’t changed,” Virgil said.  “I think it’ll go better than you’re thinking it will.”

“Really?” Remus asked nervously.

“Really,” Virgil said with a smile.  “It’ll work itself out.”

Remus took a deep breath.  “Okay.  Yeah, yeah you’re right.”  He pushed himself up into a sitting position.  “I can do this.  I can communicate my feelings like a healthy adult.  It’ll be fine.”

“That’s the spirit,” Virgil said, patting him half seriously on the back.

“Will you still be ready with celebratory-slash-eat-my-feelings-away cakes just in case?” Remus asked, giving Virgil a nervous look.

“I’ll make one with Roman,” Virgil said, giving him a thumbs up.

Remus took a deep breath.  “Okay,” he said.  “Then let’s do this.”

…

“Janus?” Remus said, poking his head into his room.  “Can we talk?”

Janus seemed to pick up on the subject of the talk from the tone of Remus’ voice, but he didn’t acknowledge it as he glanced over from his desk.  “Of course.”

Remus walked forward nervously, stopping before he got too close to Janus.  Janus turned, looking concerned now.

“Is everything okay?” he asked.

“Yes!” Remus said immediately.  “Everything is good and you haven’t done anything wrong and nothing has changed!”

Janus looked alarmed now.  “Remus, what’s going on?”

Remus bit his lip.  “I kissed Thomas,” he said.

Now Janus just looked confused.  “Remus, I already told you I was okay with that,” he said.

“No, I—” Remus took a deep breath.  “I’m gonna say something that’s going to sound worse than it is,” he said.  “Can you hear me out until the end without making any assumptions?”

Janus nodded.

“It felt different,” Remus said.  “My relationship with Thomas feels different than my relationship with you.  And not just because you’re different people.  I think the nature of my feelings is different.”

Janus didn’t know quite what to say, but Remus kept talking.

“Not in a bad way,” he said.  “And not in intensity.  You are just as important to me as Thomas is.  I mean heck, right now you’re probably more important.  I’m still getting to know Thomas.  But… I don’t think my feelings for you are… romantic.  Or, not all the way?  I don’t know, that doesn’t make sense.  I don’t know what they are, because they’re not platonic either.  Or— not all the way,” he said weakly.  “And I don’t, like I super don’t, want my relationship with you to change.  I fucking love what we have.  I want to be just as important to you as I am right now.  I still want to make a life with you, for as long as you’ll have me.  I just… I don’t know if I want to say we’re dating anymore.  I have a problem with the semantics.  I don’t know.  Sorry, I really don’t think I’m making any sense.”

But Janus starts shaking his head, and a light seems to go on behind his eyes.  “No,” he said quietly.  “No, I get it.  What I have with you feels… different.  From what I have with Roman and Patton.  Or even Virgil.  Not less important, just… different.”

“You… you get it?” Remus asked in amazement.  He hadn’t even considered that as a possibility with this conversation, that Janus would just understand.  He thought he’d have to explain away some hurt feelings, that he still loved Janus just as much and wanted him in his life just as much.

“Yes,” Janus said, looking back at him.  “I… it’s not as… charged, with you?  And I don’t think we flirt as much, amazingly, which is weird now that I think about it, because I see you flirt with people all the time.”

“You get it,” Remus said, feeling a little bit like he was floating.  The thing he’d been most scared of losing was how effortless his relationship with Janus had felt since it started, but if Janus just got it, were they not going to have that problem?

Janus smiled a little at Remus, and nodded.  “Yes,” he said.  “I do.”

Remus found himself beaming at him.  “We don’t have to date anymore?”

Janus shook his head.  “We can do something else,” he said, standing up and walking over to Remus, taking him by the hands.  “Though— I’ll admit I have no idea what I want it to be.”

“I don’t either!” Remus said happily.  “Let’s figure it out!”

Janus smiled wider and nodded, and Remus threw his arms around him, picking him up and spinning him with a laugh.

Janus started laughing too, and they both ended up laying back on Janus’ bed, giggling happily like a couple of kids.

“This went so much better than I thought it would,” Remus said with a grin.

“I’m so glad it did,” Janus said, smiling back.  “I cannot wait to figure out what we are together.”

“Let’s fuck up their perceptions of relationships!”

“We do that already,” Janus said with a grin.

“Then we have loads of practice!”

Janus laughed and pulled Remus in for a hug, and Remus hugged him back tightly, and both of them laid there for a minute and squeezed.

“Hey Jan?” Remus said after a second.

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to come have celebratory cakes with Virgil and Roman and I?”

“That sounds amazing,” Janus said happily.  “You should bring Thomas.”

Remus beamed at him and laughed joyfully again, then scooped Janus up and spun him around again, laughing in delight.  Janus laughed too, and Remus got the feeling neither of them were ready to leave each others side yet.

In fact, they’d end up being a little late for the cake, but it was very much worth it, when Remus got to walk in with his boyfriend and his Janus, and whatever they’d all end up being.