#December sadness ig | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lowkeychenle · 6 months

Text

this is me trying [ZCL] (M)

Description: Meeting Chenle was a fluke--a good one, at that, but you never expected things to escalate the way they did. But despite the whirlwind romance, you'd go back to December if you had the chance...

A/N: this is inspired by both 'this is me trying' and 'Back to December' by Taylor Swift. This is a dual timeline-esque story so please make sure to pay attention to the dates and places named...

Genre: Fluff/Angst/Smut triple threat (more fluff and smut than angst I'd say)

Content Warnings: some sadness in regards to being emotionally unavailable, but nothing like....really bad. I don't think. Smut warnings: unprotected sex, dirty talk, some nipple play ig (if u squint), Chenle being down bad, some pet names like baby and pretty girl (or maybe it's just pretty i can't quite remember), and I think that's it! Lmk if I missed any :) oh and oral (m receiving i don't think f receiving is explicitly written m ybad)

Word Count: 10,179

Pairing: Zhong Chenle x Reader (feat. all dreamies)

Juliet's Masterlist | Requests

10:56pm, December 1st, 2022 | Your bedroom

You were scared at first—of the prospect of having a man in your bed for the first time in months. Maybe even an entire year at this point. You never thought going to a bar with a group of your friends would end up with you taking someone home, yet here you are, your body wedged between your mattress and a man.

He’s beautiful, with dark eyes, full lips, and midnight hair parted down the middle. Even as he looks down at you, his gaze is soft, like he knows this is a big deal for you despite only knowing you for an hour or two.

His mouth finds yours, a delicate melody spelled out with each second that passes. Oddly enough, you feel safe with him, a complete stranger. All you know is his name is Chenle, and that he’s got the gentlest hands you’ve ever felt on you.

He’s even more beautiful once your bodies are entangled. His face blissed out, fists clenching the sheets next to your head, length stretching you almost more than you can take. You spread your legs further, wanting him as deep as possible.

The moment is strangely intimate for two people who didn’t know of each other’s existence before this but, to you, it’s not weird. You’re enjoying it more than you should. You weave your fingers into his hair, rocking up to meet his hips with every thrust. Quiet, broken moans slip from both of you.

Three hours ago, he didn’t exist to you.

Now, you’re starting to think he’s the beginning. He’s the door opening to the next stage of your life, and you desperately want to grab hold and never let go.

That first night had your toes curling. He shifted, pulling your legs over his shoulders to bottom out deep inside you. Never before had you called out a man’s name you weren’t familiar with, but there’s a first for everything.

With his tip kissing your cervix over and over again, you start to shake. He leans forward until his chest brushes yours, the stretch in your legs uncomfortable but aiding in your pleasure, and he kisses you. You expect desperation, but instead you’re met with passion. Determination to make you feel good before him.

You call out his name against his lips, a short whine accompanying it. His hair clings to his forehead from sweat, his eyes glazed as he nods.

“Let go, (Y/N),” he whispers, grinding to put pressure on your clit.

You’ve had plenty of loud orgasms in your life—unable to hold back your moans as the other person roughly chases their own end. Even this is different with him. The pleasure is so intense, you’re incapable of those noises. Instead, you're gasping for air, holding onto him for dear life, and shuddering over and over as you clench and unclench around him. Your back arches, and he swallows all of your desperate, quiet sounds with another kiss. He thrusts two more times before his euphoria takes him.

The room around you is silent, but the two of you are panting, still holding onto each other like your life depends on it. He presses a kiss to your lips, on your jawline, down your neck until he places one last one in the center of your throat.

You don’t know him. Not really, but you want to.

God, you want to.

5:43pm, December 1st, 2023 | Something Brew Coffee Shop

“(Y/N), are you listening to me?” Chenle frowns at you from across the table. “Jaemin’s gonna kill everyone if we don’t have this planned by tomorrow.

“Yeah, I hear you.” You sigh and run your hands down your face before picking up your coffee. “Isn’t there someone else who could’ve done this? I’m busy.”

“You’re always busy,” he muses, arms folded on the wooden top as he leans forward slightly.

Busy. Yeah, you are. You work way too many days a week, sleep not enough hours a night, and still somehow have managed to keep your group of friends despite barely ever being able to see them.

“Sorry.” You run your fingers through your hair. “I’m sorry, Le.”

His eyebrows furrow, and for a moment, you wonder if he’s remembering how you were at this point last year. You’d never tell him that you remembered the time he approached you in the bar, but you knew.

You think about it, too. You think about it more than you should, but there’s no harm in doing something no one else knows about.

The memories of that night are practically engraved into your brain. In your entire life, no one had ever treated you so delicately. It made you want more, but ultimately, that was something you couldn’t have.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.” He shrugs. “Maybe it wasn’t fair of Jaemin to ask this of you.”

“All Jaemin wants from me is the bare minimum,” you chime in.

“Sometimes it’s impossible to give even that.”

Your heart sinks in your chest, and you chuckle softly. “Yeah, tell him that when I get the wrong color tinsel.”

8:21am, December 2nd, 2022 | Your bedroom

Honestly, you weren’t sure what to expect when you woke up. The first half of you wanted him to be there so you could see if the connection was more than just a night, but the second half wanted him gone. You didn’t have the capacity for something real, not yet and not for a long time.

But you felt it with him. The realness and the lines of fate that bent to push you two together.

Yet, even then, you wake up alone.

The other side of the bed is mussed, and you sigh toward your ceiling at the recognition of it. You clutch the blanket to your chest, sitting up in an attempt to see if you could grab something to wear without standing up.

You frown at the sight of his T-shirt on the floor still. Everything else is gone except for that—he probably forgot it in his haste since he had a sweatshirt on last night as well. Chewing the inside of your cheek, you reach down and grab it, only briefly hesitating before pulling it over your head.

Disappointment weighs heavily on your chest, but as the hem of the fabric comes to a stop right below your butt, you forget about it. At least, with this thing, you have proof he’s real. An angel was in your bed last night, and even though you shouldn’t, infatuation tugs at your heartstrings.

With a short groan, you get out of bed and head into your kitchen to get some water. Your legs ache from the night before, but the feeling is so sweet, you enjoy the odd cadence to your walk because of it.

You grab a glass from the cabinet, fill it with water, and tilt it to your lips as you lean your back on the counter. A slip of paper on the island catches your eye, and with a subtle frown, you approach it.

Messy handwriting is scrawled on it, but you can read it all the same.

Sorry I left so quickly, I had to get to work

I really enjoyed last night. Call me when you get the chance?

-Chenle

His phone number is written below that, and despite the disappointment you’d felt about his disappearance, a warmth spreads through your body.

2:09pm, December 2nd, 2023 | Jaemin’s House

You always arrive at Jaemin’s early. He greets you with his usual hug, and the two of you sit on his couch while still attempting to devise a plan for how you’re organizing your friend group’s Christmas party. For years, there’s been games, Secret Santa, and just about every Christmas-themed movie ever created. You love it and your friends, and it’s the one time of year you’re actually able to enjoy time off.

“Well, Chenle made the number odd last year,” Jaemin mentions, pursing his lips at the thought. “But I think Mark wants to bring his girlfriend, so we should be back at an even number.”

“Oh, I’m glad they’re doing well.” You grin. “Mark deserves to have a good person in his life.”

“Yeah, he won’t shut up about her.” Jaemin snorts.

“Love is good,” you interject. “Be nice to him.”

“Honestly, I’m a little surprised.” He pauses, quirking an eyebrow at you.

“About what?”

“That nothing ever happened with you and Chenle.” He leans back and crosses his arms over his chest. “You guys had like…one month last year and then things were just…normal. Like he’d always been a part of our group and like neither of you had ever…you know.”

“He’s a good guy, Jaem.”

“I never said he wasn’t.” He holds his hands up in mock surrender. “I just wish you’d tell me what happened. We’re supposed to be friends.”

“I would tell you what happened if anything did happen.” You ignore the tugs you feel at your heart. Usually, you don’t lie to Jaemin. You wouldn’t tell him this side of the story if it wasn’t what you and Chenle had agreed to.

But, holy hell, do you remember all of it like it was yesterday. You thought you’d gotten over it, honestly, but ‘tis the damn season.

“Well, if anything, I’m glad you guys are friends. He’s cool. Nice addition to the group.” Jaemin nods approvingly, like it hasn’t been over a year since Chenle began participating in all your activities.

When you open your mouth to speak, you’re interrupted by the shrill tone of your phone. You and Jaemin look at the same time, and your face heats up as Chenle’s name flashes across the screen. Speak of the devil.

“I’m…gonna take that.” You launch up from your seat, grab your phone, and head into the kitchen to answer. Putting the device up to your ear, you say, “Hello?”

“Hey, are you home right now?” he asks.

“No, I’m actually at Jaemin’s.” You lean on the counter. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m okay. I just…Honestly, I drove by your place on my way home from work and…” he trails off, a short laugh escaping his lips. “I got a little nostalgic, I guess. Sorry, (Y/N), forget I called, okay?”

“Wait, Le.” You put your hand on your forehead. “It’s okay to feel that way. I…I have been, too. A little bit. I’m here to talk about it, if you want to.”

“I…”

“It’s okay. I’m the last person who can judge you.” You try to keep your voice down to avoid Jaemin listening in, if he’s not pressed up to the wall already.

“I’m glad you’re in my life in any capacity, you know? But it feels a little ridiculous to be nostalgic over one month of my life a year later.” He sighs. “And now that I’ve known you for that entire year, it makes me wonder what my life would be like without you and everyone you’ve brought into it. So…thank you.”

Tears prick your eyes, and you wish he’d say more. You wish he’d tell you all the things you know are true, but have never been verbalized. How your mind, heart, and body crave to be with him like you were last year, and how you know he feels the same way.

But you don’t blame him. How can you?

3:34pm, December 3rd, 2022 | Yeouido Park, Yeongdeungpo-gu, Seoul, South Korea

Chenle’s fingers intertwine with yours. Thankfully, the gloves you’re wearing hide the fact your palms are sweaty. You called him yesterday, and let him know he left his T-shirt. He laughed it off and let you know it’s okay because he planned on seeing you again—as long as that’s what you wanted.

You weren’t in the right mindset to entertain a relationship. Not in the slightest. But bundled up in winter gear with him and walking around a park has you more at ease than you ever thought it could.

Truth be told, he came back to get his shirt last night. That ended with him back in your bed, proving to you that your first night was, indeed, not a fluke.

“Do you want hot chocolate?” he asks.

Your face lights up as you nod. “Yes, please.”

You wait off to the side while he approaches the vendor, and soon enough, he returns with two steam hot cups. Grasping yours desperately, you smile as the two of you keep walking. In the spring, this park is beautiful. The trees blossom and the water glistens, but now everything is covered in snow and ice.

When he looks at you, fondness takes over every inch of his features. You loop your arm through his, stealing glances every now and then. The tip of his nose and his cheeks turn red in the frigid temperature, and you admire everything about him. The definition of his jaw, his strong cheekbones, and the sharpness to the brown in his eyes that shows off his wit before his mouth can.

“I gotta be honest,” you say, tapping the top of your cup. “I’ve never been here before.”

“What?” He stops completely, jaw dropping. “You’re joking.”

“‘Fraid not.” You scrunch your face up.

“I’ll have to bring you back here in the springtime. It’s absolutely beautiful.” He doesn’t realize what his words imply, but you do.

You clear your throat, hoping the cold hides the heat rising to your cheeks. “Chenle.”

He wets his lips, distracting himself by sipping his hot chocolate. “Fuck, that’s hot.” He grimaces and recoils.

“Chenle,” you say to him again, softer this time.

He gulps before he looks at you. “Yeah.”

“I…I’m getting cold. Should we head back?” You don’t want to bring down the mood you’re in, especially since you saw the shift in him when his name fell from your lips.

“Yeah, let’s get out of here.”

By the time he parks outside of your house, his car is warm enough that you’re starting to sweat beneath all your winter gear. He doesn’t say anything, he just stares at you. He blinks once, twice, three times.

“I need to be honest with you,” you tell him, blowing out a breath. “I’m…a mess, okay? I don’t want to hurt you or lead you on or anything because you are just…genuinely so amazing. But December is the only time of year that I have the time to think of myself, let alone everyone else, and I can’t…promise you anything when I know I can’t be good for you after this month.”

He stares forward at your building, pursing his lips. “(Y/N), I’ve only known you for three days.”

“I know. But I’m not an idiot, and I know where sex and walks in the park lead.” You fidget with your hands in your lap. “I want to continue, to keep doing whatever it is we’re doing, but I can’t do that if you’re not okay with us…leaving it in December.”

His gaze sweeps over you, slightly narrowing as he comprehends your words. “So, what you’re asking me is if I’ll develop enough feelings in a month for you to hurt me?”

“Under normal circumstances, I know I would. That’s the only reason I’m even saying this. I already know you’re a good guy, Chenle, and I don’t want to make you hate me because I can’t give you something.”

These aren’t normal circumstances, but you already have that feeling deep down in your chest, the one that swirls and lights up your world when you think of him—hope.

“How about this,” he says, reaching over to stop you from picking at your nails. “We have this month, in any way you want, and then after, we’ll just be…normal. Friends. I think we get along really well, so it’d be a waste to not at least try to be friends after this, right?”

“Are you sure?” you ask.

“I’d probably end up getting hurt if we didn’t have this conversation, but I do like you. I hope that’s not weird to say, but we have slept together twice, so…”

“It’s not weird. I like you, too. That’s why I wanted to be completely honest with you.”

“But just to be clear, we don’t have to just be friends this month?” Chenle’s thumb traces shapes onto the back of your hand.

Timidly, you shake your head. “I’m all yours for December.”

8:43pm, March 10th, 2023 | Yeouido Park, Yeongdeungpo-gu, Seoul, South Korea

He was right. The tree blossoms are beautiful, and you’re in awe.

But it’s not the same without him.

4:32pm, December 5th, 2023 | Outside of Seoul Tower, Yongsan-gu, Seoul, South Korea

“Jaemin, put him down!” you shout, forcing yourself not to laugh as you smack Jaemin’s arm.

Jaemin shakes his head, shifting to make sure Jeno is comfortable on his back. The latter looks slightly terrified, but as Jaemin charges forward, he laughs with glee. You chuckle, scratching your forehead as you stay back with Mark, Jisung, and Chenle. Renjun and Donghyuck are off looking for some sort of hot drink, and you’re stuck here trying to stop Jaemin before he slips and hurts both himself and Jeno.

“They’re like toddlers,” Mark points out, sighing.

“Pretty muscular for toddlers, don’t you think?” Chenle pipes in, leaning back on the railing.

You stand next to him with Jisung on the other side, and you take in the view around you. Seoul Tower is in the distance, where the sun has already begun its descent below the horizon. It’ll be dark soon, and that means another day has gone by where you’re still unsure of what this hollow feeling in your chest is.

Maybe you’ll never find out, but that’s okay. You’re happy with your band of friends, and you’d never want anything else.

You think that until you glance at Chenle when he’s not paying any attention to you. He watches Jaemin and Jeno in the distance, and as soon as you hear a shout of alarm from Jaemin, Chenle’s eyebrows jump up before his lips part into a smile, and then eventually a loud laugh bursts past. He doubles over, Jisung and Mark following his lead as they watch your friends tumble over each other down the sidewalk.

Your breath catches in your throat. Your heart pounds.

The genuine expression of joy and happiness on his face, while somewhat concerning considering what brought it up, makes your brain malfunction.

“Are you okay?” Mark cups his hands over his mouth to amplify his voice, but the tears in his eyes give away his actual lack of concern.

“Fuck you!” Jeno yells back, making Chenle and Jisung giggle more.

“You losers need girlfriends,” you say. “I’m tired of being the only girl here.”

“For the record, I have a girlfriend.” Mark glares at you.

“Right, sorry. We’ve just never met her so she may as well be invisible,” you deadpan.

Renjun and Donghyuck approach, and the former hands you a warm cup of coffee. You thank him, and then Mark opens his mouth.

“Yeah, well, what about you? Why don’t you get a boyfriend?”

You flounder for a moment. Honestly, you’ve no idea what to say, and the only man you’ve ever considered dating in the last couple years is standing right next to you, stiff as a board at the idea of you having a boyfriend that’s not him.

“Wait.” Donghyuck holds up a hand to stop everyone. “Dude, are you dumb? She’s dating Chenle.”

Both you and Chenle recoil, and at the same time, you say, “What are you talking about?”

“Are…are you not? I mean, you’ve been hanging out for a year and you brought him into our group, so I just figured…wow. Maybe I’m the dumb one.” Donghyuck blinks vacantly past the group before shrugging and sipping his drink.

You look at Chenle and immediately recognize the frustration on his face. Touching his arm, you wait until you have his attention. “I’m sorry.”

The words are so quiet, nobody hears them but Chenle, especially when Jaemin screeches in the distance. In response, Chenle presses his lips into a thin line, nods, and walks off with the rest of the group toward the two hooligans.

7:31am, December 10th, 2022 | Your kitchen

“Fuck,” Chenle groans as he bottoms out inside you, his fingernails digging into your thighs as yours claw at his shoulders. He spent the night last night, and apparently seeing you in his shirt in the morning made him want more of what he got last night.

The counter is cold against your bare ass, but you’re barely on it once he tugs you to the edge. Originally, your plan was to make breakfast, but he clearly had other ideas. He fits so snugly within your walls, you’re almost certain he’s made for you.

You squirm in his grasp, crying out with every miniscule movement he makes with his hips.

“Hear that, baby?” he whispers as he slowly pulls out of you, sounds of your arousal following. “You get so fucking wet for me.”

“Chenle, I—”

He slams his hips against yours before your sentence is complete, making you cut yourself off with a loud moan.

“Lay back.” He tells you. “Let me see all of you.”

You waste no time doing as he asks, lying down flat on the island as his hands explore your body. The granite sends chills up your spine and hardens your nipples even further. Your sweat makes your back stick to the countertop, but neither of you care.

The lights are on, illuminating all of you for Chenle to observe. His hands drag up your body before he reaches your breasts, groaning as he squeezes them. He rubs his thumbs over your nipples, and you cry out and your walls clench down on his cock.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers, as if you’re not meant to hear those words. “So perfect.”

“Please,” you whine, lifting your hips the best you can. “Need you.”

“Aw, baby. All you gotta do is ask.” He tsks, and before you know it, he’s pulling back to slam himself forward.

Ten days. You’ve known him for ten days, but you’re comfortable enough to be sprawled out in your most vulnerable state, begging him to complete you in the ways only he can.

And you’re metaphorically and physically fucked.

10:51pm, April 12th, 2023 | Yeouido Park, Yeongdeungpo-gu, Seoul, South Korea

All you can think about is him. Chenle should be walking by your side right now.

You reach up, gently caressing the petals the same way he’d touch your face.

You miss him.

You miss him and he’s been so close to you this whole time.

9:21pm, December 14th, 2022 | Chenle’s bedroom

Tonight is one of those slow nights. Considering your timeline, you and Chenle haven’t really wasted any time, either spending the night at his house or yours. More often than not, the two of you would end the night sweaty and naked.

But not this time, apparently. His lips work lazily against yours, but there’s no hint of it heating up. The two of you are simply enjoying each other. His left hand rests casually on your ass, while the right cups your cheek. You love the way this feels. Like there’s no rush.

“I could kiss you for hours,” Chenle murmurs against your lips, inhaling shakily. “Just wanna sit here and kiss you.”

“What’s stopping you?”

“Wanna look at you, too.” He brushes your hair behind your ear. “Want something to remember that’s not just sex, you know?”

Despite the pang in your heart, you nod. “I know exactly what you mean.”

“Whatever happens,” he says, a small smile gracing his swollen lips. “This has been the best time of my life.”

“Bar’s really low, huh?” You giggle, and he rolls his eyes.

“Not at all. You exceed expectations, as per usual.” He kisses the tip of your nose.

You gently push his chest before sliding your touch over his shoulder and onto the nape of his neck. “Can I tell you something?”

“Anything,” he replies.

“You are…the prettiest man I’ve ever met. Not pretty in a bad way. Like…beautiful. You’re beautiful, Chenle.” You trace a finger along his cheekbones, down to his jawline, until you make it to his lips, running your thumb across the bottom one.

“You know, I…I like this a lot. You.” He pauses. “But no matter what I tell you, or how I feel, I hope you know I’d never disrespect the boundaries you’ve set. So if this hurts me, it’s my own fault. Not yours.”

“I—”

“I’m serious. I don’t want to be dishonest with you. We both know I like you a lot. And it’s okay to be scared of that, or to wish things could be simple and meaningless, but…” he trails off, playing with the hem of your shirt. “That’s not reality. I’m falling for you, and I’m okay with it. Even knowing we only have a couple weeks left.”

“Me too,” you whisper. “I’m falling for you, too.”

7:56pm, December 15th, 2023 | Chenle’s house

“Happy one year of your inauguration into the group, Chenle.” Mark claps his shoulder with a bittersweet smile on his face. “I feel like it’s so crazy that you kinda popped out of nowhere, but we like you. We’ll keep you.”

Chenle quirks an eyebrow. “That’s…an oddly endearing speech.”

Exactly a year ago, you introduced Chenle to your group of friends. None of them knew the extended truth of what was going on between you and him, but apparently, people had always assumed from day one. It didn’t help that neither of you had dated anyone since your month together.

Jaemin gathered everyone on the couch and insisted everyone goes through their favorite Chenle memory. One instantly pops in your head, but you’re not sure if you should mention it. Although, you doubt anyone would actually catch on to the meaning behind it.

“Oh, I’ll go first.” Jisung sits forward a bit. “Over the summer, when he helped me burn all of my ex’s old stuff. Was like therapy for us both.”

“Classy,” you cut in.

“Well, my favorite Chenle memory is when we all went to dinner after (Y/N)’s promotion and he got drunk as hell. (Y/N) had to basically wheel him out of there, and the whole time he was mumbling about how happy he was. Comedy gold.” Jeno gives Chenle a thumbs up, who snorts in response.

“Yes, let’s bring up all the times I got drunk.” Chenle leans back, but a grin spreads across his face anyway. His arm brushes against yours, and soon enough, everyone looks at you expectantly. It must be your turn.

You purse your lips to hide your amusement, tapping your nails against your wine glass. “My favorite Chenle moment.”

“Can’t believe it’s this hard for you,” Chenle teases you, nudging your arm. “You have plenty of choices.”

“That’s why it’s hard.” You run your fingers through your hair and sip your wine. “Okay, okay. My favorite Chenle moment is from exactly a year ago tomorrow.”

You don’t elaborate further, but Chenle hides his smile with his drink. Everyone around you waits for you to elaborate, but you and Chenle are caught up in the memory now that you’ve mentioned it.

“Wait, what?” Jaemin frowns. “That’s not fair! We have no idea what happened.”

“It shall forever be a mystery.” You hold up your glass in a fake toast.

“We’re going to assume the worst if you don’t tell us,” Jisung mentions.

“Assume whatever you want.” Chenle shrugs. “Some things are meant to stay private.”

A chorus of oooh’s flood from the boys, and all you can do is roll your eyes. Had it been any other day, they’d probably be right, but December 16th, 2022 was far from a sexual encounter.

5:00pm, December 16th, 2022 | Han River, Seoul, South Korea

Chenle stands against the railing, overlooking the river as he waits for you. You approach him as quietly as possible, not wanting to disturb him while he looks so ethereal. Despite your efforts, it’s almost like he senses your presence.

A wide smile overtakes his features when he sees you. He straightens up, and from this angle, you see the bouquet of flowers in his hand. You make it to him, and the next thing you know, your back is pressed to the rail and his lips are on yours. And you don’t mean to giggle, but you can’t help it when you’re in his embrace. Everything about him makes you feel complete.

“You look beautiful,” he mutters against you before nuzzling his head into your neck. “And you smell so good.”

“Are you only saying that because you’re hungry?” You laugh and gently push at him. “You need real food or you might eat me alive.”

“Trust me, I’ll do that anyway.” That comment earns him another push, but his laugh echoes in the air in the most pleasant of ways.

The two of you start walking, your arm looped in his as he hands you the flowers. You accept them gratefully, sniffing them and sighing at the scent. Resting your head on his shoulder, you allow him to lead the way—something you’d struggle with if you were with anyone else.

“I’m glad we’re able to do this stuff,” Chenle says, smiling at you. “That you’re okay with me taking you out places and all that.”

“We’re not hiding what we’re doing,” you say, stopping and waiting until he turns to you. “No part of this is wrong. Maybe it’ll be a little hard, but we’ll still be friends.”

His chest deflates. “Yeah, we will.”

“Chenle…”

“I know.” He holds his hand up. “I know, (Y/N), I promise. It’ll suck for a while, after having you like this to get demoted to friend, but if it keeps you in my life, I’ll do it. I want you to be happy.”

“You’re supposed to be trying not to fall for me.”

“This is me trying.” He shoves his hands into his pockets. “I’m trying, but nothing’s working. And I don’t really want to talk about it. I want to take you on this date and pretend like…like you’re really mine. If I’m going to get hurt, I may as well make it worth it.”

You’re not sure how it happens, but you must step on some ice. Your feet slip, and you let out a squeal. Chenle darts forward, wrapping his arms around you to steady you on your feet, but he also hits the ice patch. Without another thought, he cradles your head to his chest while both of you fall, taking the brunt of it as his back hits the snow. Luckily, it’s soft enough to give way for him, but it still knocks the air out of him.

“Fuck,” he groans, his grip still tight on you. “Are you okay?”

“Am I okay?” You gasp and roll off him, sitting up. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I am.” He pulls you back down to the snow, turning so he’s looking at you.

As the cold seeps in, you both start laughing. The gleam of the stars catches in his eyes, and you know that either of you fighting your feelings will be futile. You’re not just falling for him, you’re diving headfirst, and when he lays in the snow with you, tugging you closer to kiss you instead of hurrying you to stand, you know you’ll never reach the bottom.

11:08pm, December 19th, 2023 | Your bedroom

How do you still miss him a year later? How does he occupy every single one of your thoughts?

You curl your comforter to your chest and turn to your side, almost certain you can imagine what it felt like to have his sleeping form next to you. Tears prick at your eyes, but you refuse to let them fall.

This is all your fault. He’d be yours if only you had the nerve to ask for his forgiveness.

11:08pm, December 19th, 2022 | Your bedroom

Chenle’s always a peaceful sleeper when he’s with you. He’s lying on his chest, arms under the pillow and the blanket hanging off his bare lower back. You want to trace shapes into his back, any sort of physical touch, but you fear waking him when you’re in a state like the one you’re in right now.

You want him. All of him. Every day.

You’ve only known him for a short amount of time, but you fell hard and fast. The only explanation for the tears in your eyes and the pang in your heart is love.

You’ve fallen in love with Chenle, with his laugh and his smile.

And you’re not sure what you can do to fix it.

6:23pm, December 20th, 2023 | Your house

“It’s almost Christmas,” Mark notifies you through the phone. It’s on speaker, sitting on your counter while you do your dishes.

“There’s five days left, trust me, I know.” You snort. “Jaemin’s present is still in the mail, let’s hope it’s not late. He’ll cry.”

“I think the last one I have to pick up is Chenle’s,” Mark says absentmindedly.

“He’s the first person I bought for,” you admit, shrugging despite Mark not being able to see you. “He’s easy for me.”

“Please, give me some of those vibes.” Mark chuckles. “But actually, is it okay if I ask you a question?”

“You just did.”

“Well, another one, you dick.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

Mark clears his throat and shuffles around. “So…anything happen this year? With Chenle?”

“What?” You frown. “No. Why would it?”

“(Y/N).”

“I’m serious,” you defend yourself. “Things are still the same as they were.”

“Except that’s not true, because you were in love with him last December, dude. Love doesn’t fade if you’re still around the guy every day.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.” You turn off the water and rinse your hands. “Whatever happened between me and Chenle is in the past. It’s gotta stay there.”

“But what if it doesn’t? He clearly wants you.”

“How could you possibly know that?” You grab your phone and head into your living room.

“You may have introduced him to the group, but he is our friend now, too, you know. And since I’m, unfortunately, the only one who knows the shit that went down between you two, I know very well how both of you are feeling.” Mark opens some sort of bag, and when you hear the crunch, you surmise he must be snacking.

“I’m busy.”

“Yeah, so are the rest of us,” he deadpans.

“That’s not fair.”

“What’s not fair is you telling Chenle you’re too busy to love him and then loving him anyway. We still go out throughout the year, we all hang out. He’s seen you just as much over the last eleven months as he does now.”

“Then why hasn’t he said anything?”

“Are you serious? Maybe because you came up with your dumb rules and he’s too good of a guy to break them.” Mark snorts, and you imagine it’s accompanied by an eye roll.

You open your mouth to say something, but a knock sounding interrupts you.

“Oh, let me call you back.” You hang up on Mark before he responds, quickly bounding over to your door to see who it is.

The smile drops from your face when you see Chenle.

“Hey,” you say, quickly moving aside to let him in.

He hasn’t been alone in your house with you in months, and you begin feeling the tingle of awkwardness and anxiety at the base of your spine.

“What…what’s up?” you ask, clasping your hands together behind your back.

“What are we doing?” he shoots back.

You recoil.

“Nevermind.” His eyes close and he shakes his head, running his hands down his face. “I’m…tired.”

“What can I do to help you?” You step toward him, and he watches you closely, almost as if he’s scared of you.

“I thought I could do this.” He scoffs. “I thought I’d be okay with having you in my life even if I couldn’t—”

Tears already brim your eyes, as if you know what’s about to happen.

He’s leaving you. For real this time.

“Chenle, I…”

“Don’t,” he says. “I was doing good, you know? And then December came and I kept thinking about you and everything we had last year. It won’t leave me alone. And I’m sitting here waiting for you, when I don’t even know if you’ll ever want me in the same way.”

You stay silent, acknowledging that this is something that’s built up inside of him over the course of a year. He said he wouldn’t get mad at you, but you can’t help but understand why he is either way. You’re mad at you, too.

“Hanging around you and our friends and not being able to touch you or kiss you or just tell everyone that I love you fucking sucks. Hearing Mark tell you that you should get a boyfriend sucks. Donghyuck assuming we’re together sucks. I’m tired of this.”

“Chenle…”

“At least I’m trying!” He lets out a bitter laugh and tugs his hands through his hair. “We could make this work if you were willing to put in the effort, but somehow I’m not enough for you.”

“No,” you cut in quickly. “That’s not true at all. Chenle, you deserve so much more than me. That’s why I can’t let you love me, because I’m not worthy of your love. You need someone who can let go around you, who can have fun and love freely, and that’s not me.”

“That is you.” He wets his lips. “That’s always been you.”

“I can’t.”

“You can.”

“I can’t!” Your body shakes as you raise your voice, daggers in your tone as they sink into his skin and cut him down. Tears pour down your cheeks, but there’s no sign of any emotion on his face.

“This is…” He scoffs. “Fine. I’ll see you when I see you. Have a good Christmas, (Y/N).” He turns his back on you, and before you even attempt to comprehend what just happened, he’s gone and your door is slamming behind him.

12:30pm, December 25th, 2022 | Your bedroom

You and Chenle had a late night. You’re just beginning to stir from your slumber, groaning as you turn toward him. Since you’re not sure what time it is, all you do is cuddle close to him, hoping he’ll bring his naked body as close to yours.

“Merry Christmas, baby,” he mumbles sleepily, cradling you into his chest and kissing your forehead.

“Merry Christmas.” You grin, squeezing your arms around him.

You’re not sure exactly how it happened, but suddenly, your bedroom door flies open. You squeal and pull the blanket up to cover yourself, and Chenle pulls you to him.

“What in the hell—” Mark blinks, as if he can’t believe what he’s seeing. “Chenle?”

“Observant,” you deadpan, flipping him off. “Nice job knocking.”

“Well, you two get dressed. The others will be here in like, four minutes.” Mark slams the door behind him again, and you sit up.

Chenle joins you, lips finding your neck. “We could just let them find us like this.”

“That’ll be really easy to explain come January 1st.” You allow the blanket to fall and stand up to grab more clothes. As you sift through your drawers, Chenle’s gaze is glued to you.

“I thought we weren’t hiding this?”

“We…we’re not.” You frown. “I just don’t exactly want all of our friends to see me naked. Or you, for that matter.” You put on a new bra and change your panties before grabbing a T-shirt and some jeans.

“(Y/N), be serious. You don’t want them to know about us.”

“It’s not that easy, Chenle—”

“Then make it easier.” He frowns.

“I don’t want them to know because I don’t want things to be awkward after this. It’s already going to be hard enough, okay? I just want things to go as smoothly as possible.”

“Do you have feelings for me?” He crosses his arms over his chest as you button your jeans.

“Are you serious?” You scoff. “I’ve told you a thousand times that I do—”

“Do you love me?”

His words freeze you in your tracks, and as you open your mouth to speak again, you find no words come out. How do you tell him you love him so desperately that you can’t be with him? Does that even make sense?

“Jaemin’s here!” A loud voice carries from the living room and you cringe.

“We’ll talk about this later.” You pull your shirt on and point a finger at him. “Don’t do anything you’re going to regret. Get dressed and act like I asked you to carry the presents down from my closet.”

Without another thought, you tie your hair up messily and head into the bathroom to brush your teeth.

10:14pm, June 10th, 2023 | Yeouido Park, Yeongdeungpo-gu, Seoul, South Korea

Nothing is right without him.

Nothing.

11:20am, December 25th, 2023 | Your bedroom

Dialtone.

Voicemail.

“This is Chenle. Don’t leave a message because I don’t listen to them.”

Beep.

That’s the sixth time you’ve tried him this morning. He hasn’t responded or texted you once. Your heart is racing and breaking at the same time, and you wonder if this time, you’ve gone too far.

2:37pm, December 25th, 2022 | Your house

Everyone has opened up their gifts, and now you’re all hanging out around the house. You know you’ve set yourself up for a difficult conversation later, so you avoid Chenle as much as possible that day. Mark glances between the two of you knowingly, clearly realizing that something isn’t as obvious as it seems.

You don’t want to hurt Chenle. That’s the last thing you want to do.

Either way, you’ll break his heart. You just have to pick the decision that’s better for you both.

12:30pm, December 25th, 2023 | Your house

Everyone’s here.

Everyone except Chenle.

4:13pm, December 25th, 2022 | Your house

You look at all your friends seated at your kitchen table, casually conversing and eating the dishes each person brought in. It’s a casual Christmas—one that you have every year. This time, even though he’s mad at you, Chenle makes it feel a little fuller. A little more perfect.

You want to keep him around forever, and you’re sure the only way you can do that is by being his friend. If you love him, it’ll be destined to fail.

2:37pm, December 25th, 2023 | Your house

You’re off. You know everyone can tell you’re in your head right now. They notice Chenle’s absence, but they don’t say a word. How could they? They don’t know the truth. No one does except for Mark, and the grim look on his face tells you that he’s heard from Chenle.

You pull him into the kitchen and cross your arms over your chest. “Where is he?”

“I don’t know.” Mark shakes his head and shrugs. “He told me he wouldn’t be here, but he wouldn’t even tell me why. I’m assuming something happened between you two?”

“He…he said he’s still in love with me. You were right, okay? But I couldn’t do it.”

“Why not?” Mark asks, giving you an incredulous look.

“I’m scared.”

“Yeah, get in fucking line.” He glances over his shoulder to make sure no one else has entered the room. “Look, (Y/N), I get it. Life sucks and things don’t work out all the time, but you and Chenle…I’ve known it since you first introduced him to us. He means something to you, and you’re an idiot if you let him go. And instead of spending Christmas with us, he’s alone in his room and hating his life—”

“I thought you didn’t know where he was.”

“Shut up. That’s besides the point.”

“He’s alone?” you whisper the words, clenching your eyes shut and trying to think of anything but him sad and alone on Christmas.

“We’re all he has. You know that.”

“What do I do?” You wipe at your eyes, jaw quivering. “It wasn’t supposed to end like this.”

“Figure out if you want him or not.” Mark sighs. “He’s not going to hurt you, but you have to give him the opportunity to prove that.”

9:43pm, December 25th, 2022 | Your house

Jaemin is the last person to leave, meaning you and Chenle are alone all over again. You clean up some of the stray cups and snack dishes, ignoring his presence while he helps you. Every second that passes builds the pressure on your chest, and you want to scream and cry and ask him why he’s making this difficult when he swore he wouldn’t.

“Can we talk?” he asks as you set your handful down in the sink.

“About what?” You turn the water on, anything to avoid looking at him.

“Stop doing that, damn it.” He grabs your wrist and turns you around.

His face is contorted in an emotion you haven’t seen from him before. He’s desperate, upset, and irritated all wrapped up into one.

“I don’t want to lie to you anymore,” he says. “But I can’t keep doing this. I’m in love with you, (Y/N). I want to have you every day. Everything you have to offer, I want it. Being busy is a shit excuse not to love someone, and I promise I’ll prove to you we can do it if you let me.” Despite the confidence in his posture, his voice shakes as he speaks. He holds onto you, gaze begging you to see reason.

“You said you wouldn’t get mad at me,” you reply.

“I’m not mad at you,” he insists. “I love you. I love you so much that it fucking hurts to think that all I get after this is friendship. I told you I would respect your choice, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to ask you one last time to pick me.”

You glance up at the ceiling to stop your tears, sniffling. “Please.”

“Do you love me?” He puts his hands on the counter on either side of your, his face inches from yours. “Be honest with me, please.”

“Do I love you?” You scoff, voice thick. “Of course, I do.”

“Say it.”

“I did.”

“No, tell me you love me. Say it properly and to my face.”

Tears blur your vision, and you cup his cheeks. “I love you, Chenle.”

“Then why isn’t it enough?” He leans forward, resting his forehead on yours. “Why isn’t what we have enough?”

“I’m sorry.” You shake your head. “We had a deal. You said you’d respect my decision. That we could be friends.”

“And we will be. But I…we can’t spend the rest of December together. It’ll be too hard for me, and that’s not fair.” He gulps, blinking back his own tears.

“Please don’t go.” You grab hold of his shirt sleeve. “Just a few more days, Chenle. I’m not ready to let you go.”

As a tear falls down his cheek, he leans forward and kisses you. It steals all the air right from your lungs as if you’ve been punched in the gut. You feel every ounce of desperation in that kiss, but in the end, it still wasn’t enough.

Chenle pulls away, wipes his face, and lets out a shaky sigh. “I love you.”

As soon as the door shuts behind him, you slide down until you’re sitting on the floor. You watched him leave, and with him, your heart trailed not too far behind.

8:59pm, December 25th, 2023 | Your house

You can’t take it anymore.

You never stopped loving him either, and Mark was right. Hurt is inevitable, and the only thing you’re doing by protecting yourself is hurting both you and Chenle. You don’t plan on stopping to tell anyone where you’re going despite it being your house, but Jaemin and Jeno stop you as you grab your purse by the door.

“Where are you going?” Jaemin asks.

Everyone stops—Mark, Renjun, Donghyuck, Jaemin, Jeno, and Jisung—and waits for your response. You send a panicked look at Mark, but he only gives you a nod. How do you admit this to your friends? You lied to all of them, but you want them to support you in getting Chenle back?

“I…I’m gonna go buy more alcohol.”

“Boo!” Mark yells, crossing his arms over his chest.

You roll your eyes and shift on your feet, suddenly uncomfortable by the confused looks your friends are giving you. “I…Okay, Chenle’s not here because of me, and I’m really scared I’ve ruined everything, so I’d like to go check on him if you guys could hold down the fort.”

“And…” Mark makes circles with his hands, urging you to continue.

“And what? I really have to get into that right now?” You frown at him.

“Yes.” He glares at you.

“Fine. I’m…in love with him, I guess.” You cringe at yourself. “And we were…something last December, but I was an idiot and I let him go. I don’t want to do that again.”

Mark looks smug when you glance at him for approval. You’re not expecting it, but all the boys sigh in relief.

“Finally,” Jaemin groans. “I thought we were gonna have to perform a lobotomy on you to get you to admit that.”

“Huh?” Your jaw drops.

“Well, yeah, you look at him like he gave you the best dick of your life,” Donghyuck interjects.

Mark slaps him upside the head. “Dude. PG. Love and feelings, not dicks and sex.”

“Well, he looks at her the same way.” Donghyuck throws his hands up in mock surrender. “You know, except that it’s like…magic pu—”

“Donghyuck.” Renjun cuts him off, facepalming. “Yes, (Y/N), please go save Chenle from himself and tell him the truth. We all know you love him.”

“I…Right. Thanks guys. I’ll be back soon.” You grin at them.

“We hope not.” Jisung purses his lips, and Donghyuck high fives him.

“You guys are children.” You’re still smiling as you exit your home, rushing over to your car.

You were going to make things right.

9:43pm, December 25th, 2023 | Chenle’s house

You give yourself a mental pep talk before walking up to Chenle’s door. It’s much more daunting than you remember. Behind it is your love, the man who’s put up with your denial and bullshit for over a year. He deserves an explanation.

You knock a few times, careful not to be too loud. Rocking on the balls of your feet, you wait for him to answer. When he doesn’t come at first, you almost go back to your car. You almost give up.

He doesn’t want to see you, and he has every right to feel that way.

But you refuse. You knock harder, hearing the sound echo inside his house.

Within a minute, he’s opening the door, eyebrows furrowed. He opens his mouth to speak, but it’s clear he’s used up all the words he’s wanted to say to you. You hoist the bag over your shoulder to his feet, chest heaving from the strain of carrying it from your car.

“These are your Christmas presents.” You nudge it closer to him. “Not just from me. From the guys, too.”

“(Y/N)...” He sighs.

“You have every right to hate me and be mad at me and have a dart board with my face on it. I get it. But our friends are concerned and worried.”

“I’m pretty sure they’d understand where I’m coming from if they knew.” He shakes his head and goes to close the door. You panic, unsure of how to get him to listen to you.

“I told them everything,” you blurt out. “About us. And how we had our stupid deal and it was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done in my life. How I sent you away when I knew I’d never be able to or want to love someone else the same way I love you.”

He stops—moving, breathing, blinking, everything.

“And how you not being there for Christmas hurts so bad. Because I lost you in a different way last year, so I can’t lose you any further this year. I won’t allow it, Chenle. I fucking love you, but I’m scared. Terrified that we’ll burst into flames the second anything good happens to us because that’s…that’s fucking life, you know?

“And if we don’t work, I’d lose you for real. Never see you again, never hear your laugh, never watch you bully the boys affectionately. I wasn’t ready for that. Not that I am now, but I’m not scared of that anymore. I…I love you. And I know I said that like seven times already, but it’s true. I’m not scared of losing you anymore because I know how real these feelings are.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that I broke your heart last year and that you’re so upset that you had to spend Christmas by yourself. I think about our time together…all the time. How you used to pull me a little closer in the mornings when you woke up, how you kissed the tip of my nose when you thought what I was doing was cute. I miss that. I want that back. If you’ll trust me one more time.”

You pant, fear pulling at your veins as his expression doesn’t change. He’s still frozen, looking at you with a blank face. After a few moments, you take that as his answer, and your heart starts beating in your throat.

“Um, yeah. I get it. There’s such a thing as too late, and I’ve been a fucking idiot, so why would you wait for—”

“Oh, for the love of God, stop fucking talking.” He grabs your wrist and yanks you to him, a gasp leaving your throat as you almost stumble over the bag of presents.

Next thing you know, your back is against the wall and his body is firmly against yours. You stare up at him in shock.

“But those are kind of temperature sensitive, so you should bring them inside—”

“You’re such a fucking nerd.” He laughs, dropping his head on your shoulder. “I love you so much.”

Your heart floods with relief, and you forget all about the temperature-sensitive presents, kissing him as hard as you can. He stumbles back one step before pulling you as close as he can. Returning your kiss with equal fervor, he runs his fingers through your hair.

“You called me a nerd, you dick.” You wrap your arms around him and bury your head in his chest. His heartbeat is rapid, thundering in his chest so hard you know he’s equally as shocked as you.

“I missed you so much,” he whispers. “I’ve missed you since last December.”

“Me too,” you admit to him. “It’s not the same when I don’t get to wake up to you.”

“I thought you didn’t care about me.” He grabs the bag to pull it inside and closes the door.

“I cared too much,” you say. “That’s why I couldn’t do it.”

He kisses you again, fingers weaving into your hair and his other hand trailing down to the small of your back. You know what he really wants, so you guide his touch down to your ass. He grins against your lips before giving you a firm squeeze.

“It’s been so long,” he breathes out. “So, so fucking long.”

“What are you saying?” You roll your hips forward, already knowing what he means.

“I’m saying I want you so bad, I can’t keep my hands off you.” His mouth traces along your neck. “But our friends are waiting at your house, and they’ll know if we take too long—”

You turn the two of you around so his back is on the wall. “Good.”

Sinking to your knees, your hands quickly reach for the button on his jeans. His eyes widen at the sight.

“What are you doing?”

“Think it’s pretty obvious,” you say, giving him a pointed look. “Do you want me to?”

“I’m gonna bust in my pants just thinking about it, so…yeah, I want it.” He takes a deep breath and strokes the top of your head while you pull his pants down to his knees.

You palm him over his boxers, listening to the way he inhales sharply. To your pleasant surprise, he’s rock hard already, proving he wants you just as badly as you want him.

“This is going to be very embarrassingly short,” he says as your fingers tug at the last piece of fabric keeping him covered.

“Good thing you have all the time in the world to make it up to me.” You glance up at him and see a grin on his face as his head leans back on the wall.

“For the record,” he groans as you pull his length out of his underwear. “You don’t have to do this. No pressure.”

“I know.” You lean forward and kiss the tip. “I want to.”

You lick up his length, and his hands clench at his sides. Grabbing his wrist, you lead his grip to your hair, instructing him silently to guide your mouth onto his cock. He does as you ask, pushing into your mouth with a drawn out moan. You immediately relax yourself to fit him down your throat, not wasting any time in moving your head.

Drool already falls from your lips, and the feeling of him bottoming out has your eyes brimming with tears. He rocks his hips, cursing under his breath every time your warmth engulfs him in his entirety.

“You’re so fucking good, baby,” he mutters, teeth biting down on his bottom lip.

Your tongue traces along the prominent vein on him, and he tightens his grip. He jerks forward with a hiss, and you gag hard around his cock.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” His head thuds back on the wall. “Gonna cum soon.”

You squeeze your thighs together, rubbing them in an attempt to get any sort of friction. Your hands move to his balls, and as soon as you make contact, he yanks on your head as he thrusts forward, gagging you on his length while he pumps strings of white into your throat.

“Take it,” he coos, stroking your face. “Swallow it, baby. Don’t waste it.”

You pull away from him as he comes down from his high, and you do exactly what he says.

“Let me see.” His thumb caresses your cheek.

You open your mouth, and he moans again at the sight.

“So fucking pretty.”

As he settles himself back in his boxers and buttons up his pants, he watches you closely. “If we weren’t expected somewhere else and you hadn’t sucked the life out of me, you wouldn’t be able to walk right now.”

“Later.”

He kisses you quickly. “And you look so sexy with your lips swollen from sucking my cock.”

You blush, looking away from him.

“You confuse me sometimes.” He laughs, kissing your forehead once. “You’re mine later, baby. I’ll make the wait worth it.”

You know he will.

For now, time to tell your friends you’ve succeeded.

11:33pm, December 25th, 2023 | Your house

You quietly unlock your door, curious if any of the boys are still there at this time.When you walk into your living room, you’re surprised to find all of them staring back at you, eyes honing in on the way you’re gripping Chenle’s hand.

“It’s about time,” Jaemin grumbles. “I thought I was gonna have to sleep on your couch.”

“Yes, congratulations, you two. But I’m exhausted, and you should’ve waited til you got here to fuck so we could go home earlier.” Donghyuck pats his thighs as he stands. “Goodnight.”

Jaemin and Donghyuck leave, and you and Chenle share a glance.

“Ah, I knew you two could do it.” Mark throws his arms over both of you, squeezing you. “But they’re right. It’s way past all of our bedtimes. Let’s go, guys. They probably have a lot of…catching up to do anyway.”

Mark guides everyone out of the house, and before he leaves, gives you two one last encouraging thumbs up.

“What just happened?” You frown.

“I think our friends were more excited about going to bed than us finally getting together.” Chenle raises his eyebrows. “Huh.”

“Oh, I’m sure we’ll hear about it tomorrow.” You scoff, turning to him to kiss him gently.

“Yeah…that’s if I let them interrupt our time together tomorrow.” Chenle grins at you, walking you backward until your back presses against the couch. “I have big, big plans for you.”

You’re in the longest, best night of your life.

#nct dream #chenle #nct imagines #nct #nct dream smut #nct scenarios #lowkeyjaemle #chenle smut #chenle angst #chenle fluff #nct smut #nct angst #nct imagine #nct fluff #nct dream angst #nct dream fluff

198 notes · View notes