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dandelionsresilience · 2 months

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Good News - July 8-14

Like these weekly compilations? Tip me at $Kaybarr1735! And if you tip me and give me a way to contact you, at the end of the month I'll send you a link to all of the articles I found but didn't use each week!

1. Zoo welcomes birth of four endangered horse foals

“[The Marwell Zoo in GB] said it was "delighted" to welcome the arrivals to the endangered Przewalski’s horse herd. All four are female and said to be "doing well" after two were born in May and two in June. […] “These horses, that were previously listed extinct in the wild, are an example of how zoo breeding programmes can help restore threatened species around the world.” […] All the Przewalski’s horses alive today are descended from just 12 individuals. Current estimates suggest there are 178 mature individuals living in the wild.”

2. Restoring woodlands and planting trees for sustainability success

“In 2023, [the Marwell Zoo] planted 9,000 new trees […] both within the zoo and on our surrounding land. […] Marwell tries to encourage natural feeding behaviour and nutrition by including leafy material [in animals’ feed] as much as possible. […] Planting more trees and enhancing management of our existing woodlands, prepares the way to further self-sufficiency in browse production in the future. Plus, it creates new habitats for wildlife in our woodland areas.”

3. Inclusive Playgrounds Allow Children Of All Abilities To Play

“With ramps allowing children in wheelchairs to ascend the central play structure, as well as numerous other swings and apparatus usable for children of all abilities, the 16,000-square-foot P.K.’s Place is St. Paul’s first fully inclusive playground. […] To be universally accessible, a play area must have at least 70% of its play features fully accessible, far more than required by the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). […] Play areas should allow parents and grandparents with disabilities to participate as well.”

4. Combination treatment can increase human insulin-producing cells in vivo

“[Diabetes-model mice] were treated with the combination therapy [of a plant product called harmine and “a widely used class of type 2 diabetes therapy”] and their diabetes was rapidly reversed. Strikingly, human beta cell numbers increased by 700 percent over three months with this drug combination. "This is the first time scientists have developed a drug treatment that is proven to increase adult human beta cell numbers in vivo. This research brings hope for the use of future regenerative therapies to potentially treat the hundreds of millions of people with diabetes," said Dr. Garcia-Ocaña, the paper's corresponding author.”

5. Decades of Dedication: Australia’s Largest Ongoing Urban Restoration Project

“[Friends of Lake Claremont] has transformed the area into a thriving ecosystem, re-establishing native habitats and fostering biodiversity. This year, 800 native seedlings (100 trees, 350 shrubs and 350 ground covers) have been planted on the northwestern buffer of Lake Claremont. Volunteers replaced a large Port Jackson fig (Ficus rubiginosa) affected by [beetle] infestation with native plants to enhance the local wildlife habitat, thereby benefiting insects, frogs, birds and brown bandicoots. […] Overall, the project contributes to the area’s function as a regional ecological corridor, linking inland bushlands, the Swan River and the Indian Ocean.”

6. Important habitat for fish in Heart of the Fraser now conserved

“British Columbia’s iconic salmon now have more protected spawning habitat in the lower Fraser River, thanks to the Nature Conservancy of Canada’s (NCC’s) conservation acquisition of Carey Island. […] Carey Island and its gravel channels offer calm and crucial spawning and rearing habitat for the river’s fish and aquatic species. […] The Pelólxw Tribe […is also] actively working to restore the resilience of aquatic habitat within this stretch of the Lower Fraser. NCC is exploring opportunities to collaborate with the Pelólxw Tribe in support of their vision for stewardship of the area, which prioritizes both ecological and cultural values.”

7. Prime editing efficiently corrects cystic fibrosis mutation in human lung cells

“[R]esearchers have developed a gene-editing approach that efficiently corrects the most common mutation that causes cystic fibrosis, found in 85 percent of patients. With further development, it could pave the way for treatments that are administered only once and have fewer side effects. The new method precisely and durably corrects the mutation in human lung cells, restoring cell function to levels similar to that of Trikafta [the standard treatment since 2019].”

8. Montana’s High Court Considers a Constitutional Right to a Stable Climate

“At issue was the appeal of a decision last year, when a Montana judge blocked a state law that prohibited agencies from considering climate impacts when deciding whether to approve fossil fuel projects such as new power plants, pipelines or mining. The ruling, by District Judge Kathy Seeley, was prompted by a lawsuit filed by 16 youths who argued that the law violated Montana’s constitutional right to a “clean and healthful environment.” It was the first ruling in the United States to effectively establish constitutional rights to a stable climate[….]”

9. The US is about to get its first solar-covered canal

“The first canal-based solar project in the U.S. is nearing completion on tribal lands south of Phoenix, Arizona. […] The long, narrow solar array design would snake along the line of the canal and tap into the local electrical distribution grid every 1,000 feet, or every one megawatt. […] “Canal solar allows for greater power production per land size, cleaner water, less power transmission losses, and significant reduction in evaporation[….]” Covering the entire 8,000 miles of canals and waterways managed by the Bureau of Reclamation with solar panels could generate over 25 gigawatts of renewable energy and reduce water evaporation by tens of billions of gallons[….]”

10. Camera traps offer glimpse of first beaver born in Northumberland for 400 years

“"It’s such a relief that they have bred successfully and to see a new fluffy kit swimming with the family[….]” In just one year [since releasing the beavers], there has been a noticeable increase in resident trout, says the National Trust, along with more regular visits from kingfishers and grey herons. There are more insects at the site, too, thanks to the organic matter that builds up behind the dams, which in turn provides food for Daubenton’s bats. […] Beavers also play an important role in creating habitats that are more resilient to the effects of climate change[….]”

July 1-7 news here | (all credit for images and written material can be found at the source linked; I don’t claim credit for anything but curating.)

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16woodsequ · 5 months

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Things People Seem to Forget About Steve Rogers (aka the past is complex)

Things in the future didn't happen in a vacuum, and while Steve missed a lot of stuff while he was in the ice, he would have seen the roots of things like the Civil Rights, Women's Rights and even LGBTQ+ Rights movements in his time.

While I'm sure Steve encountered a lot of people expecting certain right-wing behaviours from him, due to his birth year and the things he missed in the ice, this doesn't mean he would act that way—even right out of the ice.

But first lets take a look at the things Steve missed and see what he did in fact know:

The atom bomb. Steve never saw the atomic fallout, but what did he see? Hydra bombs literally being flown to his home city. There is also a possibility that as a specialty team, he learned about the German Nuclear Program during the war. His unit was tied to the Strategic Science Reserve, so I wouldn't be surprised if between that, and Hydra's bomb initiatives, Steve was well aware of the potential of a bomb threat. I doubt Steve has clearance to know about the Manhattan project, and I think he would be horrified to learn about the impact of the atom bomb on Japan (especially since he essentially thwarted the same thing from happening to New York) but majorly powerful bombs would not surprise him.

• The Cold War. Steve may not have experience the Cold War, but he grew up surrounded by the outcome of the First World War after the Communist take over of Russia. The debates surrounding Communism, Socialism, and Capitalism aren't new. Steve would have grown up with them and would probably be familiar with American pro-capitalist, anti-communist rhetoric. But would he agree?

Here's some things we know about Steve: He's an artist, he grew up during the Depression which was heavily mitigated by socialist measures, he grew up poor, he grew up disabled. As an artist Steve would be well aware of the debates between the political movements, and with his background, and the success of Roosevelt's New Deal reforms, it would not surprise me if Steve leaned more towards the Socialist side of the scale.

All this to say: Steve would not be unfamiliar with the tension between Russia and the USA. Especially since even though they were allies during the war, there were already concerns that the USSR wasn't so much 'liberating' the countries they drove Germany out of, as putting them under new management.

Steve would be familiar with the tensions underlying the Cold War, and his background might lead him to have a critical view of some of the pro-Capitalist propaganda that came out during the Cold War. While I don't think Steve would approve of Russia's methods and the ultimate outcome of Communism there, I don't think he would approve of the Red Scare Witch Hunt that happened in the States either.

• Civil Rights Movement. While Steve missed the major changes that occurred during the 50s and 60s, he would not be unfamiliar with movements for equality. Steve would also not be unaware of the inequality that minorities faced in his country.

For example:

National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) was established in 1909 and is still run today. The NAACP fought and fights against discrimination and advocates for equality.

In the 30s President Roosevelt responded to "to charges that many blacks were the "last hired and first fired," [his administration] instituted changes that enabled people of all races to obtain needed job training and employment. These programs brought public works employment opportunities to African Americans, especially in the North" (Link)

"The first precedent-setting local and state level court cases to desegregate Mexican and African American schooling were decided during [the late 1930s]" (Link)

In 1941 thousands of Black Americans threatened to march on Washington for equal employments rights which pushed Roosevelt to issue an executive order that "opened national defense jobs and other government jobs to all Americans regardless of race, creed, color or national origin." (Link)

The Double Victory or Double V Campaign during the war was an explicit campaign to win the war against fascism in Europe and the war against racism as home.

All this to say, Steve would not be unfamiliar with many of the issues tackled during the Civil Rights Movement of the 50s and 60s.

Not only that, but Steve led a multi-racial special unit during the war during a time of active army segregation. Not only does he have a Black man on his team, but also a Japanese man. This would have most definitely led to backlash from higher command as well as discrimination from other units against Jones and Morita. Steve and the entire Howling Commandos would be explicitly aware of prejudice against two of their members and likely had to fight for them many times.

• Anything space travel. It's true Steve wouldn't know anything about attempts to reach the moon. But there were still several space discoveries he could know about, especially since he and Bucky are clearly interested in scientific discoveries, considering how they went to the Stark Exbo before Bucky shipped out.

Some discoveries:

Hubble's Law: In 1929 Hubble published evidence for an ever expanding universe, and thus provided evidence of the Big Bang theory.

1930: Discovery of Pluto (makes me chuckle to think this is a relatively new discovery for Steve and he wakes up to find it is a dwarf-planet now. You think Millennials are protective of Pluto? I think Steve would be too 😆.)

1937: "the first intimation that most matter in the universe is `dark matter'"

Personally I think Steve would be absolutely amazed by the advances in space travel.

• Women's Rights. Like with Civil Rights, while Steve may have missed the large movements during the 50s and 60s, he was around for the early movements. The 60s movement is called Second Wave Feminism for a reason. This is because there was already many pushes for women equality in Steve's time.

For example:

1920: White women win the right to vote. This means Steve's mother first voted in his lifetime. I feel this alone would make Steve heavily aware of inequality faced by women. (As a side note I feel that Sarah always emphasized voting to Steve since it was such a major development in her lifetime.)

Also in the 20s the Flapper trend rose, along with hemlines. Women's skirts were shorter and they smoked and drank with men. Middle-class and working-class women also worked outside of the home. The 1920s-1930s 'modern' woman is very different from the Victorian vision of a woman in petticoats and skirts.

Early Birth Control movement: Was "initiated by a public health nurse, Margaret Sanger, just as the suffrage drive was nearing its victory. The idea of woman’s right to control her own body, and especially to control her own reproduction and sexuality, added a visionary new dimension to the ideas of women’s emancipation. This movement not only endorsed educating women about existing birth control methods. It also spread the conviction that meaningful freedom for modern women meant they must be able to decide for themselves whether they would become mothers, and when."

1936: A Supreme Court decision declassified birth control information as obscene. Legalised doctor-prescribed contraceptives.

WW2 Watershed: Women serve in the army and work factory jobs. The government establishes universal childcare while women work.

Women also wore pants and form fitting clothes to work in factories. We also see Peggy wearing pants during the last assault on Hydra. While Steve may need to get used to modern fashion, he would already be familiar with the 'morale outrage' over women's clothes in his time, and probably try to manage his surprise in private as well as possible.

• LGBTQ+ Rights. Like with the rest of the equality movements, LGBTQ+ rights movements also started before the late 1900s.

1924: "Society for Human Rights is founded by Henry Gerber in Chicago. The society is the first gay rights organization as well as the oldest documented in America." This organisation was broken up soon after founding due to arrests, but it published "the first American publication for homosexuals, Friendship and Freedom."

In the 1920s and 30s "the gay and lesbian movement started taking shape. Social analysts began rejecting prior medical definitions of "inversion" or "homosexuality" as deviant.

Communities of men and women with same-sex affiliations began to grow in urban areas. Their right to gather in public places such as bars was tenuous, and police raids and harassment were common." (Link)

WW2 Watershed: While many LGBTQ people lived in rural areas or outside 'queer neighbourhoods' the war brought people from all backgrounds together. "As with most young soldiers, many had never left their homes before, and the war provided them an opportunity to find community, camaraderie, and, in some cases, first loves. These new friendships gave gay and lesbian GIs refuge from the hostility that surrounded them and allowed for a distinct subculture to develop within the military."

They still had to hide their identities for fear of persecution and a 'blue discharge', however "Gay and lesbian veterans of World War II became some of the first to fight military discrimination and blue discharges in the years following the war."

It's unclear how much Steve would have known about the gay and lesbian rights movement. But in the comics he has a gay friend Arnie Roth, and there are many meta posts (X X X) about how Steve may have lived in a queer neighbourhood.

And, according to my history professor, gay and lesbian soldiers were often protected by their friends in the army instead of outed. This is not to downplay the discrimination and pain outed veterans faced, but there was a comaraderie and understanding that developed between soldiers that protected many gay soldiers.

• Computer and the internet. The seeds of modern computers began during World War Two. Arguably it began earlier with Ada Lovelace. While technology has changed a lot for Steve, there is a long history of it's development.

Colossus Computer: Kept secret until the 70s, it's unclear if Steve's association with the SSR, Peggy (who was a code breaker before SSR) and Howard, would have led him to know anything about the "the world's first programmable, electronic, digital computer", but we see electric screens and machines being used in Captain America: The First Avenger. So he would know something of those mechanisms.

Also the first American TV was broadcasted in the 1939 World Fair, And since Steve and Bucky are already shown going to a science fair, I believe it is reasonable for Steve to know about the concept of television, though it looks much different in modern day.

• Rise of Neo-Nazis. Steve already saw the rise of fascism in his own country before the war, so while I think he would be horrified and saddened to learn of the Neo-Nazi movement, I don't think he would be surprised.

Because:

Eugenics: A large part of the Nazi campaign, this part of the movement originated and was inspired by the United States Eugenics movement. "It is important to appreciate that within the U.S. and European scientific communities these ideas were not fringe but widely held and taught in universities."

Lobotomies and institutionalisations were part of the treatments for disabled and 'weak-minded' individuals during Steve's time. With Sarah being a nurse it is likely Steve knew of these treatments and more. And as a disabled child of immigrants, I have no doubts Steve brushed up with eugenics beliefs many times.

1939: More than 20,000 people attended a Nazi rally in Madison Square while "[a]bout 100,000 anti-Nazi protesters gathered around the arena in protest".

In the comics Steve canonically has a Jewish friend, Arnie Roth. If he wasn't part of the protests against the Nazi rally, he would have heard about it and known about the rise of antisemitic sentiment in the US before the outbreak of the war.

So Where Does That Leave Us?

Steve has a history of anti-racist behaviour. While he would still have a lot to learn from the Civil Rights Movement and no doubt has unconscious biases he grew up with, he also explicitly builds a multi-racial team that would have led to clashes with systemic racism in the army. This would have inevitably led to him and the Howling Commandos taking an anti-racist stance in protection of their members.

Would Steve say the N-word? Likely not. The N-Word already held negative connotations by the 19th and early-20th century. I doubt Jones would be willing to follow a man who would knowing use the insult. 'Coloured' or 'Negro' were seen as the more acceptable terms. So Steve may use those words at first, instead of 'Black' or 'African-American'. 'Negro' is a controversial term for some Black Americans, so this would be something for him to learn, but he would not purposely by insulting or hurtful. And I believe he would adapt as quickly as possible upon learning.

Steve saw the early steps of many social movements. Given what we know about Steve—artist, disabled, immigrant, poor, raised by a single mom, gay and Jewish friend, potentially lived around queer people, worked with Peggy and smiled when she punched a sexiest, and built a multi-racial team—Steve would not only be aware of the social movements of his time, but he would be happy to learn of the developments after he went into the ice.

While it would take some time for him to learn all the changes that happened, Steve's background would led him to be pleased with the changes in society. This is the opposite of being racist, sexist, and homophobic. Some things might take some adjusting for Steve to get used to, but he is already open-minded and has a frame of reference for many of the social changes that happened.

People sometimes bring up Steve's Catholic upbringing to argue about some beliefs he might have. But while I do think this upbringing would lead to some biases, I think Steve's life experience helped counter, or helped him unlearn some of those biases, even before he hit the ice.

Also, as an Irish-Catholic, Steve would have faced some discrimination of his own. It is most certainly not on the same level as other minorities, and things were better in the 20th century. Being very clear, any discrimination Steve faced for being Irish-Catholic would not be systemic or commonplace like racism. But adding his heritage to the rest of Steve's background helps give us a better idea of why he was already open to social movements like the Civil Rights movement before the ice. And it may have made him already more understanding of LGBTQ+ people, who he may have lived around, even if he grew up being taught certain biases.

Other Things We Forget About Steve

He is quite tech-savvy. While Steve would have a lot to learn, we know he is capable. There are a lot of jokes about his technical know-how in Avengers, but I think he's actually managing very well considering it's probably only been a few weeks or months since he came out of the ice.

Examples:

Deleted scene where we see Steve using a laptop in his apartment. He presses the spacebar to pause a video, which is a keyboard shortcut. So not only can he set up a laptop to watch a video, but he already knows key shortcuts.

Deleted scene where waitress mentions 'wireless'. Steve is confused and thinks she means radio. But I think he actually knows about wi-fi at this point, but probably had never heard it referred to as 'wireless' before. By this point he knows radio is not as common, so his real confusion is why the waitress is offering him 'free radio'. If she had said free wi-fi (the more typical phrase in my opinion) I think he would have understood.

Canon scene of Steve helping Tony fix the Helicarrier engines. This is my favourite evidence because Tony asks Steve to look at the relays and Steve makes a quip that they 'seem to run on some sort of electricity' indicating he is out of his depth. But we never see Tony tell Steve what to do. Steve figures out how to fix the relays himself. Tony is busy with the debris in the rotors and the next thing we see is Steve telling Tony the relays are all good.

Steve is much better at adapting and figuring out technology than we give him credit for. This doesn't mean he won't be anxious or uncomfortable with the sheer amount of stuff he has to learn (especially if everyone keeps making jokes about it to him). But by 2014, it's clear he's already mastered all of it, which is amazing when you think about it, because that's only two years of learning.

Steve is very book smart. In the comics Steve goes to art college, implying he finished high school. Even if he did drop out of high school to work, we know Steve is very smart.

We see him unloading a whole suitcase of books in the barracks before he got the serum.

The mental math is must take to throw the shield at the right angles for it to bounce back is insane.

Steve is also known as a master tactician. So it is clear he has the brains and smarts to run his team during the war. Not only that, but he is not just Captain in name. He actually has that rank, which means he passed the Captain's exam. I also have a feeling he would have needed to pass some kind of evaluation to get the serum in the first place.

We see in Steve's 2014 apartment that his bookshelves are full of history books. Steve is a veracious reader and spends a lot of his time catching up on what he missed. Things he didn't learn or were taught differently growing up would definitely exist, but Steve is actively working to counter that.

Steve would swear. Swearing has been a constant throughout all of history. So too, the backlash against profanity. Even if Steve grew up being told not to swear he would have heard it. And, Steve became a soldier. If he didn't swear before the war, he most definitely picked up some of it then.

I think Captain America isn't supposed to swear, and I think Steve would be aware of this perception of the symbol of him. But I think when Steve is comfortable with people, he would swear. We see in Avengers he doesn't swear, but in Avengers: Age of Ultron, he does.

We joke about Steve and the "Language" line, but I think that line has something to do with Steve's history of being perceived as a symbol and as Captain America since he said it 'just slipped out'. So, while Steve may have been encouraged not to swear growing up, and expected not to swear as Captain America, I fully believe that soldier, veteran, and Irish man Steve Rogers does swear.

Wrap up

I hope you liked this deep dive into Steve's history and character.

I think it can be easy to take the past as a lump sum and view everyone in the past through one lens. We know the past was racist, sexist, and homophobic, so we view everyone from the past that way.

And while it's true things were different back then, people were most definitely fighting for change and aware of the issues. There is also a lot of nuance to the past, and a lot that can be gleaned from what we know about Steve.

It's true that Steve would have a lot to learn when it comes to terminology and specific technology, but I believe Steve's background would prepare him for a lot of the social changes that happened after he went into the ice.

#steve rogers #meta #deep dive #long post #captain america #historically accurate #research #sources cited #early 20th century #20th century history #20th century #social movements #marvel #mcu #please don't tag the other post #no drama please #iykyk #historically accurate steve rogers

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literaryvein-reblogs · 2 months

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how to write characters with muteness/mutism? (i hope i'm using the right words)

Both words may be used :) Mutism seems to be the more frequently used term in research and clinical settings.

Character Development: Mutism

Mutism - an inability or unwillingness to speak, resulting in an absence or marked paucity of verbal output

It is a common clinical symptom seen in psychiatric as well as neurology outpatient department

It rarely presents as an isolated disability and often occurs in association with other disturbances in behavior, thought processes, affect, or level of consciousness

The condition may also be voluntary, as in monastic vows of silence or the decision to speak only to selected individuals

Mutism occurs in a number of conditions, both functional and organic, and a proper diagnosis is important for the management

To write your character with mutism, you may want to begin with their backstory. Below are some types of mutism you could consider.

Types of Mutism

Selective mutism - having the ability to speak but feeling unable to, often because of social anxiety and debilitating shyness

Organic mutism - caused by brain injury, such as with drug use or after a stroke

Cerebellar mutism - caused by the removal of a brain tumor from a part of the skull surrounding the cerebellum, which controls coordination and balance

Aphasia - occurs when people find it difficult to speak because of stroke, brain tumor, or head injury

Additional definition: Selective mutism is characterized by a consistent failure to speak in social situations in which there is an expectation to speak (e.g., school) even though the individual speaks in other situations. The failure to speak has significant consequences on achievement in academic or occupational settings or otherwise interferes with normal social communication.

After determining the possible type/s and/or causes of your character's mutism, below are some characteristics and behaviours. Choose which ones are appropriate for your character. Also determine the frequency and the degree in which these occur.

Some Characteristics of People with Mutism

Social anxiety or shyness outside of the home

Silence that interferes with work or school

Mutism that can't be explained by trouble with language skills

Having experienced trauma

Suddenly becoming silent after speaking regularly

For organic or cerebellar mutism, not being able to speak despite wanting to

For aphasia, mutism can come with difficulty reading, telling time, understanding numbers, and writing

Being silent in social situations outside of the home

Paralyzing anxiety

Using nonverbal communication when spoken to

Asking others to speak for them

Interruptions in daily well-being because of mutism

Is caused by intense anxiety or social phobia

The symptoms interfere with school or work

Difficulty connecting

For Selective Mutism:

Ability to speak at home with family or people they are comfortable with

Fear or anxiety around people they do not know well

Inability to speak in certain social situations

Shyness

This pattern must be seen for at least 1 month to be called selective mutism. (The first month of school does not count, because shyness is common during this period.)

Note: In selective mutism, the child can understand and speak, but is unable to speak in certain settings or environments. Children with mutism never speak. Selective mutism falls under the "Anxiety Disorders" category.

Sample Case Report from this article

A 35-year-old married male was brought by police personnel with chief complaints of not speaking for the last 3 months. The patient had been under trial for the last 6 months for the alleged charge of setting fire in a cowshed. He would not interact with any of the jail inmates. He would however ask for food by non-verbal communication/gestures and would perform all his daily chores normally as reported. He was asked to follow up with family members. History reviewed from wife and elder brother reveled history of 18 years history characterized by violent abusive behavior, wandering behavior, irritability, decreased sleep, restlessness, muttering to self, and at times reporting that other would harm him, associated with withdrawn behavior and socio-occupational dysfunction. On one occasion, he became mute also and did not talk for a period of around 4 months associated with sadness of mood and decreased interest in surroundings. 6 months back, he had symptoms of muttering to self, would often roam about naked and get irritable on minor issues. No other significant history was obtained. MSE revealed decreased PMA, rapport not established, eye to eye contact could not be maintained, he was mute and would communicate nonverbally appropriately. His affect was blank with no facial expressions. All his routine investigations were within normal limits. A diagnosis of schizophrenia was entertained, and he was started on risperidone 6 mg per day and lorazepam 4 mg per day. Gradually the patient started showing improvement in symptoms.

Sources: 1 2 3 4 5 6

If this inspires your writing in any way, do tag me, or send me a link. I would love to read your work!

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another-lost-mc · 1 year

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When you arrive in the Devildom as part of the student exchange program, you discover their famous AI program isn't what it seems.

feathered friends | karasu x reader

3.8k words | sfw | gn!reader | canon divergence

cw: implied social isolation/loneliness; protective thoughts/behaviours; jealousy; minor blood/violence.

feathered friends (series): part one | part two | part three (nsfw)

When Karasu designed the AI program for the D.D.D., he didn’t expect the higher-ups at the Three-Legged Crow Conglomerate would name it after him. By the time he realized it wasn’t a joke, it was already too late – the KARASU AI was born, and it was his responsibility to maintain it.

He doesn’t attend RAD anymore, but Karasu regularly communicates with Diavolo and Barbatos to ensure that the D.D.D. apps and KARASU AI are designed in correspondence with the Devildom’s long-term goals.

One of Karasu’s responsibilities is to oversee the research and technological development necessary to make communication between the realms more streamlined. In a perfect world, D.D.D. users should be able to use their device and apps outside the Devildom. This was a critical piece of Diavolo’s plan for future students coming from the Celestial Realm and human world to attend RAD.

When the exchange program commences and the students are given D.D.D.s of their own, Karasu oversees their files personally. He tracks their data usage and AI requests to understand how humans and angels interact with Devildom technology. He studies which apps they use the most, and which apps or features they don’t have but might find useful.

Diavolo is most concerned with the types of questions and requests they make of the KARASU AI program. He’s equally concerned about their satisfaction with the Devildom as well as their safety. A newcomer to the Devildom may not have the courage to come forward to a demon about a concern they have, but they might ask the AI instead.

It’s Karasu’s responsibility to sift through the questions and requests the students make while using the AI program. He compiles the data for analysis later, and he forwards any concerning messages to Barbatos or Lucifer directly for follow-up.

Karasu learns quickly that certain students are less capable with technology than others.

From: [email protected] To: [email protected] CC: [email protected]

Subject: Exchange Student (Simeon – Purgatory Hall)

Based on the data collected so far, it seems that this student is having difficulty using his D.D.D. properly. Immediate action is recommended to prevent further data corruption.

Thank you.

(Despite his warning, Karasu had to replace Simeon’s D.D.D. after the angel managed to brick the device.)

Out of all the exchange students, you’re the one that interacts with the KARASU AI bot the most. Most of your questions are about human world apps and whether you can access or use them in the Devildom. Even though you can’t – and the AI relays that response to you – Karasu notes what apps you’re trying to access, and whether it’s worth developing Devildom alternatives.

(Karasu chuckles when he reads the logs and sees that you’ve asked for a Devildom version of a VPN to access human world websites - how cute! But no, that’s not possible yet.)

From: [email protected] To: [email protected] CC: [email protected] Subject: Request for equipment

Please be advised that I have received a request for a computer from the human exchange student residing in the House of Lamentation. They have been provided with one of RAD’s laptop computers (#302) to use for the duration of their stay.

Karasu is monitoring data at his desk when you start asking the AI bot about setting up your new (borrowed) laptop. He can see the two issues right away: the laptop is an older model that doesn't run very well, and you’re unfamiliar with the Devildom operating system installed on that machine.

Karasu disables the bot and takes over manually so he can type instructions and answer your questions instead. He tells himself that it’ll be less frustrating for you this way. He can imitate the bot’s speech patterns easily since they are based on his own. If anyone questions his decision, he can tell them the simple truth: this is more efficient.

With his help, you get the game you want to play installed and running – barely. But you seem genuinely happy, and you thank him with such gratitude he feels a little flustered. He assumes it’s part of your human nature to talk to a piece of technology like it’s a living being.

(He’s glad that he normally works alone – he doesn’t have to explain the bashful smile on his face to anyone.)

After that, Karasu overrides the AI bot more often so he can interact with you personally. He still tells himself it’s more efficient this way - you have such a curious nature, and he enjoys helping you. He feels like it’s his personal responsibility to make sure you’re able to use his software properly - at least, that’s the plausible explanation he tells himself to justify his unusual interest in you.

It also has nothing to do with your requests about job opportunities, or ways to acquire money to pay for things you seem to be missing.

(He starts monitoring your Akuzon search history to make sure Lucifer is aware of any necessities you might be lacking.)

It definitely has nothing to do with his concern for you, even though you’ve admitted (more than once) that you feel isolated in the Devildom without any contact with your friends or family. Part of him wonders if you interact with the AI bot so often because you’re lonely. Do you feel comfortable talking to him – it – more than the demons you live with?

He thinks about you often and decides there’s no harm letting whatever this is continue. If he feels eager anticipation for the next time you want his help – well, that’s what he’s here for, isn’t it?

Sometimes when you ask the AI bot silly questions, Karasu will give you silly answers. (You have such a nice laugh.)

“Karasu, why does Mammon gamble so much when he’s so bad at it? I think he’s being strung up again…”

KARASU AI: Well, you know what they say – go big, or go home. Unfortunately for Mammon, he goes home to Lucifer.

Karasu doesn’t realize how comfortable he’s gotten speaking to you like this, and he doesn’t realize you’re becoming suspicious of the AI bot. Sometimes the responses you receive are too intuitive, like it can read between the lines of the questions you’re asking. Sometimes it makes witty or sarcastic remarks that feel too real.

You know technology has come a long way, but you doubt even the Devildom’s AI is capable of reproducing sentient conversation the way the KARASU AI does. When you borrow the angels’ phones to compare your bot responses to the ones Luke and Simeon receive, you know there’s something strange going on.

“Karasu, you’re not really a bot, are you?”

KARASU AI: …do you want me to be?

“I would feel better knowing that someone I talk to on a regular basis is a real live demon, instead of a fake one that lives inside my phone.”

He’s caught off-guard by your confession. He’s an old demon, well-known and respected within the Devildom for his work, but he’s not very sociable. He has many acquaintances but no one he would consider a friend. Perhaps the hope of friendship is the true motivation that’s kept him interested in you this whole time?

Whatever the reason is, Karasu accesses the Contacts directory on your D.D.D. profile and adds his own personal contact information. He feels bad for deceiving you, and he sends you a message with a heartfelt apology. You seem so excited to be talking to him - the real him - that his guilt doesn’t last for very long.

You: Since your name is Karasu, won’t that confuse the bot if I’m trying to talk to you instead?

Karasu: I admit that I didn’t anticipate this situation. Perhaps I can modify the name triggers for the bot, but that will take some time to test before I can patch the AI software on your device.

You: Do you have a nickname I can call you instead?

Karasu: I don’t have many friends, so I’ve never needed one.

Karasu: That is to say, I don’t have a nickname.

Karasu: Many nicknames seem juvenile, but for you…I think I would make an exception.

Karasu: If you find it more convenient, of course.

You: Definitely, it’s all about convenience. Sure.

You: How does Kay sound to you?

Karasu: I think I like it very much.

You: :D

Karasu: :)

(He doesn’t tell you how much he treasures the name you gave him as a sign of friendship. He cherishes it and is fiercely protective of it; only you are allowed to call him that from now on.)

Karasu starts to consider you a friend when you text him about how classes are going, or the things in the Devildom that amaze you (and frighten you). Sometimes he calls you in the evenings once he’s done his work for the day, and he enjoys relaxing conversations with you while he makes himself dinner.

You convince him to play a multiplayer game with you, and he doesn’t have the heart to tell you that he dislikes video games. He’s grateful for your company instead, and he surprises himself that he doesn’t mind making simple concessions if it means spending more time with you.

One evening you’re playing a game together after you finished your homework. You disconnect from the game suddenly. He calls you and walks you through the troubleshooting steps when your school laptop shuts down and won’t turn back on. He knows that the machine is an older model and, based on your feedback, he makes an educated guess that it’s no longer usable.

“I’m worried Lucifer will think I had something to do with this,” you confess to him quietly. You’ve been lucky and avoided his punishments so far, but you don’t want to make a bad impression now.

Karasu is already drafting an email on your behalf so that any concerns Lucifer has about the school’s faulty equipment will go to him instead of you. “I’ve mentioned to the RAD administration in the past that some of their technology needs to be updated. There’s no need to worry - you won't be blamed for this.”

You chuckle quietly. “I’ll miss playing games with you,” and you realize it’s a silly thing to admit, but you can’t help it. “I’ve tried to invite Levi to play games with me, but he usually ignores me. I’m not sure he likes me very much.”

Leviathan isn’t the most sociable of the seven brothers you live with, and Karasu feels disappointed on your behalf that they might not be treating you well. You’re such a nice, warm human. What problem could Leviathan possibly have with you?

“I’ll think of a better solution for you so that you’re not without a computer for long,” Karasu says, trying his best to reassure you. “And I guarantee it’ll be more dependable than the paperweight of a machine they gave you before.”

Karasu’s heart races long after your phone call finally ends. He thinks about you often, more than he probably should, and he tells himself it’s out of concern. You’re still a stranger to the Devildom and he knows you struggle to find your place within it.

He thinks about your busy schedule that’s full of classes at RAD, followed by the chores you share with your demon roommates. He thinks about how difficult it might be for someone of your status to get a decent-paying job, or to save enough money for a replacement computer of your own.

He thinks about your problems, and he knows how he can help. The simplest solution is usually best, after all.

Two days later, he’s finishing some coding updates for the KARASU AI bot when he picks up your incoming call. He can’t help the laughter that bubbles out of him when you thank him, loudly and excitedly, over the phone.

“Kay, what did you do?!” You came home from RAD and found several large, heavy boxes from Akuzon stacked near your room. The gift receipt for all the pieces to build your new computer said it was from Your Friend.

Your happiness is contagious and he can’t stop smiling. “I’m hoping we’ll have more uninterrupted game nights together,” he teases. “I suggest you put it together and test everything to make sure none of the parts are defective.”

He frowns worriedly when you sigh, and your voice is a bit deflated, lacking the joyful enthusiasm from only a few moments ago. “I’m not great with building computers like this,” you admit. “I asked Levi for help, and he said – well, he told me he was busy,” you mumble awkwardly, and you hope your lie is convincing.

Your ignorance of technology - especially Devildom technology - irritated Levi when he noticed that someone sent you a cutting-edge, state-of-the-art computer. All you had to do was put it together, and you couldn’t even do that! He sneered and told you he wasn’t going to help you if you couldn’t figure it out on your own. When Levi stomped off towards the stairs to his room, he was still grumbling about normies and stupid humans and what a waste of space you are.

Despite your effort to hide the truth from him, Karasu can tell you’re not being completely honest. You’re not a very good liar, and if it were about something less serious, he would let it slide. Instead, he thinks about what he knows about Leviathan - the Avatar of Envy, the anti-social self-proclaimed otaku that viciously guards his interests. Karasu can imagine how the demon treated you when he realized what was in those boxes.

He knows how hard you’re trying to get closer to the demons you live with, and it seems that Leviathan purposefully stonewalls all your attempts to find common ground. It’s not the first time you’ve mentioned it, and it might not be the last unless something changes.

This is another problem he believes he can solve for you.

“Don’t worry about it tonight,” Karasu suggests, and he changes the subject to distract you. You tell him about one of the RAD classes you’ve been enjoying and some of the nice classmates you’ve met.

After you go to bed, Karasu feels lonely without your voice in his ear. He thinks about your situation with Leviathan, and he feels indignant on your behalf. He ignores the twinges of rage that make his fingers twitch with the urge to defend you. He decides he can - should - fix this without bloodshed. It doesn’t take long to access Leviathan’s device history, and his lips twitch into a sharp smile when he finds what he’s looking for.

Karasu is suspiciously less talkative the next day, even though he still responds to your text messages. He tells you an amusing anecdote about Simeon sending Barbatos photo-spam of the inside of his pocket by accident, but otherwise he’s quieter than usual.

You try not to take it personally, but it’s difficult not to worry about his sudden change in demeanor. You glance worriedly at the boxes near your desk and wonder if he regrets getting to know you. Maybe he’s realizing later than everyone else that you’re really as useless as Levi says you are–

The sound of the doorbell echoing in the hallway scares you. The House of Lamentation doesn’t receive many visitors, and some of the demon brothers are just as curious as you when you head to the front hall.

Lucifer is the first to arrive and opens the door. “Karasu,” he says, obviously surprised, “we weren’t expecting you. I take it this isn't an official visit?” Even though Lucifer is visibly confused by his sudden appearance, he steps aside and lets in the unexpected visitor.

You’ve tried to imagine what Karasu might look like. Part of you wondered if he was just a large talking crow, but the thought seems ridiculous now. He’s shorter than the demons you live with, and his form-fitting suit compliments and accentuates his slender build. You’re captivated by his deep red pupils and dark sclera behind the glasses he wears. You assume his wings are only visible when he's in his true demonic form because you see none now.

He still looks more monstrous than the other demons you’ve met so far. Before coming to the Devildom, you might’ve found him terrifying. Instead, you’re just excited to finally meet him. You offer him a bashful grin, and he turns to you properly, offering you a bow and small but genuine smile.

He straightens and clears his throat, addressing Lucifer properly who watches your exchange with wary amusement - Karasu isn't known for making friends.

“I’ve come to help my dear friend with some technical concerns,” his eyes flickering briefly in Leviathan’s direction. “I hope that’s not a problem.”

Lucifer seems satisfied and they exchange a few more pleasantries. Eventually he and the rest of his brothers disperse.

“You didn’t have to come all this way for me,” you remind him nervously when you're alone with him. You already felt guilty before, and now he’s here because of you–

But he steps forward and places his hands on your shoulders and squeezes them gently. “I came because I wanted to come,” he admits, and his eyes gaze into yours with so much sincerity that you believe him.

You lead him to your room, and you’re thankful it’s not a complete mess when you let him inside. He looks around your room with interest, glancing at the books on your shelves and the small stack of movies you’ve been watching. He’s happy to see your room is comfortable, although the stack of Akuzon boxes take up a lot of space.

He should’ve offered to do this for you from the start.

Karasu slides off his jacket and drapes it over your bedspread, and he rolls up his shirt sleeves to his elbows. He opens the boxes carefully, inspecting each computer component for damage and explaining how the different pieces should be assembled. He takes care of putting together the complicated parts himself, but he guides you through some of the simpler steps.

He realizes that it’s so satisfying doing this with you. You’re even funnier in person, and you don’t shy away from casual touches - brushing against him when you reach for something, touching his arm when you thank him for coming. He’s not used to this kind of attention, especially since you offer him compliments and praise and kind words so freely.

There’s a warm current of emotion simmering under his skin. He recognizes what it is - attraction, desire, overwhelming need - and it blindsides him. He hasn’t felt this way for anyone in so long. How did things between you lead to this?

When your new computer is set up and working perfectly, he tries to shove aside those thoughts so he can bask in your excitement instead. He enjoys your pleasant company and he wishes he could stay with you, but he has one more task to accomplish while he's here.

“I need to have a word with Lucifer before I go,” he murmurs apologetically, a small lie but a necessary one. When your face falls, he adds quickly, “I’m not leaving just yet, but I don’t want to disturb him too late in the evening.”

You walk him to your door and point down the hall where he might find Lucifer in the library or his private study. You offer to go with him, but he insists that he’ll be fine. He wants you to stay and enjoy your gift instead.

Karasu walks slowly down the hall, humming quietly while his shoes click lightly against the floor. He studied the layout of the House of Lamentation before he arrived and knows exactly where to go. He breezes past the library, heading towards the stairs leading to the second floor instead. He finds who he’s looking for before he gets there.

Leviathan is surprised to see him wandering around the house alone, but his expression quickly shutters into a frown. He ignores Karasu instead and tries to push past the crow demon blocking his path.

There’s a small gust of air and a metallic swish, and Leviathan walks into one of Karasu's wings, a barrier of steel-hardened black feathers that appears out of nowhere. He jumps back and hisses in pain. One of the feathers scratched his arm, and he covers it with his hand to stop blood from dripping on the floor.

“WHAT THE–” Levi begins to yell, but Karasu interrupts him before he can draw too much attention.

“Your pettiness surprises me, even though I know envy is your specialty,” he lectures him quietly, “but I would reconsider your treatment of our mutual acquaintance. You let your feelings get the better of you, and they only want to be your friend.”

Leviathan’s face crumples into an ugly sneer and looks ready to argue, but Karasu is undeterred.

What a petulant child.

Karasu leans forward, crowding into Leviathan's space, and whispers, “May I remind you, incognito mode doesn’t hide your secrets - not from me.” Leviathan inhales sharply when the threat sinks in. Karasu smiles at him, all teeth and no humor, then steps back. His feathers return to their natural texture before his wings disappear completely.

“Good evening, Leviathan,” Karasu says when he finally moves aside to let him pass. Leviathan turns around and storms back up the stairs to his room instead.

When Karasu walks back to your room, he feels invincible. He protected you and he would do it again, gladly - whether you asked him to or not. He cares for you now, perhaps more than he should. He wants to care for you even more and refuses to feel guilty about it.

It’s getting late and he has to be cautious not to overstay his welcome. He has too many overwhelming feelings to untangle when he’s alone, but now that he’s met you, he’s loathed to be parted from you for long.

He thinks it’s so sweet that you walk him to the front door when it’s time to finally leave. “I hope we can see each other again soon,” you admit, and you try not to pout. “I had fun spending time with you tonight, and I can’t thank you enough…for everything.”

Karasu tilts your chin towards him when you look away, and he smiles reassuringly so you know there’s no reason to feel embarrassed. He hopes you feel the same eager anticipation he does when he asks, “Would you like to join me for dinner this weekend?”

Your happy grin and flushed cheeks answer for you, and when he finally leaves you, it’s with the promise that you’ll see him again very soon.

read more: karasu masterlist | obey me masterlist

#obey me karasu #obey me karasu x reader #karasu x reader #obey me oc #obey me oc x reader #obey me x reader #my oc: karasu #x reader #gn!reader #series: feathered friends

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tavyliasin · 3 months

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Disability Pride Essays - Gale, Neurodivergency, and Chronic Illnesses

The third of the disability parallel essays is going to focus on everyone’s favourite wizard, the legend of Waterdeep, Gale Dekarios. Immediately I can hear the neurodivergent (ND) side of fandom sitting up and pointing at the screen: “He’s like me!” and you’re absolutely right, but there is even more to him than this too! Gale can arguably represent several chronic physical conditions as well as being the chosen of the god of Autism. Sorry, god of Magic. Both? It’s probably both, isn’t it…

So with this in mind we will be discussing neurodiversity as well as long term chronic conditions and “spoon theory” (don’t worry if you don’t know what that is yet, we’re going to go over it along with “spell slot theory” in a way that might help abled people understand how many of us manage long term illness). I may also touch on the plot point around the Orb and Gale’s fluctuating relationship with his will to live, as well as the desperation to find a cure - so please be aware that if these are things you may find to be triggering. As always, look after yourselves and each other first and foremost. And, of course, your input and thoughts on these topics are more than welcome!

What is Gale’s Disability?

Gale has several conditions that we can see affecting him in the game. Whilst “armchair diagnosis” of real people can be a harmful exercise, and not something we would usually encourage, when we look at him and his behaviours it is easy to see a lot of traits common in Neurodivergent people. So this can mean Autism Spectrum Disorders as well as ADD/ADHD traits, though as anyone with either (or both) diagnosis will likely tell you, these can vary wildly from person to person. The same diagnosis can present completely differently between two people, so we will be looking at specific traits rather than an overall diagnosis for Gale. A more subtle thing shown with Gale is some joint pain, stiffness - he will complain about his knees aching when rain is due, and generally casually describes a lot of aches and pains that are common with ageing as well as in chronic conditions that affect joints. This is potentially easily missed as it’s in just a few lines of dialogue here and there and some background conversation, but we can see it sometimes too in how he moves and reacts. And then, of course, there is the Netherese Orb… One not quite so fun little fact here too is that in the real world there can be a lot of overlap between chronic pain conditions and neurodiversity. Not necessarily causative, and there’s no strongly established link that I’m aware of, but it isn’t uncommon at all to come across in disabled and ND communities. I’m sure more research can be done into specific genetic conditions that may have a stronger and potentially causative link to them, but that would be going too far down the wrong rabbithole for now. Did I mention I have ADHD? What do you mean “obviously”?...

How Do We See The Disability In The Game?

With Neurodiversity, a lot of the “problem” from the condition does not actually come from the person themselves but in how the world and people around them react to them and their behaviours. We can see this in the player base, where some people just cannot stand Gale’s infodumping or talking in depth about his special interests in magic, or how they find some of his personality and interactions to be more frustrating than endearing. There’s also how he was treated by Mystra - if we remove the relationship and abusive part of that for now, he went from being a gifted student, a prodigy in his field, to being rejected and cut loose from that validation.

Plenty of players found they disliked Gale, that his romantic advances and compliments to them were unwelcome and “too much”. In terms of Neurodiversity, Gale is expressing himself relatively openly with his feelings, and could potentially be seen as attaching to the player on a deeper level as a “favourite person” which can be a trait for some. Of course this was changed in the game to a degree after some backlash from those who weren’t keen on him expressing romantic interest after very little interaction, but not all of that is gone from his interactions or the speed with which he forms a strong attachment to someone he trusts. Then there is his “specialised diet”, which in this case is that need to consume magic objects. Honestly there are several ways we can look at this one. From a more literal point of view, we can consider him as literally eating the items like a food source which might be akin to people desiring to eat non-food items. It could also be similar to having “safe foods” which are things that have familiar flavours and textures. However the theory I find most interesting around the “consumption” of magic items is thinking of it more as medicinal.

Either way, Gale needs regular “doses” of the “cure” to stave off some very visceral symptoms. We not only see the relief when he is able to take the “cure” by consuming the item, but we also see the pain and struggle if too much time is left between “doses”. It’s shown in his character model, how he holds himself, you can hear it in his voice breaking as he’s overwhelmed by the symptoms of the Karsite Weave trying to eat away at him. If he doesn’t find any help from the player, too, he will simply leave to find his own solution. There isn’t a choice to just “ignore it and it will go away” - much like any serious illness it needs to be treated or it will get worse.

How Does This Reflect Real Life?

The real life reflections of Neurodivergency are quite easy to see for those of us familiar with those feelings and behaviour patterns. I could spend a while going over them, but then in my experience the fans who are deep enough into the fandom to be reading an essay of this length dissecting the character and the nuances of him…well, if you’re still reading and you’re neurotypical then I will be a little surprised. I mean this in a lighthearted way, of course, I’m sure there are a good number of neurotypical fans and those interested in this kind of topic (in fact it would be lovely for more NT people to spend a little time listening and learning when possible) but there is a very strong correlation between those of us who are ND and having a hyperfixation on one topic. A little like Gale’s hyperfixation on magic and learning everything about it, even to his detriment. It’s a special interest - he could never be satisfied just knowing most things about magic, he needed to know everything. That’s how he ended up in the situation with the Netherese Orb - he found a problem and became quite fixated and determined to solve it. That’s what problems are for, after all, to be solved. And he did it all with good intention, hope, and unfortunately without thinking through the greater consequences either. The single-minded devotion to a task, without seeing the bigger picture, can be a boon as much as it is a curse to ND people. The pain is also one that will feel familiar to people in the real world - whether through age or chronic conditions, this can often be affected by things like the weather and changes in temperature and air pressure. We need more rest, we complain casually, we make small pained noises when we move, and we adjust our actions to fit our needs. In some ways, we could see Gale’s need for magical items to stave off the condition the Orb gives him is like a need for insulin or similar long term medicines. It’s not optional and the consequences of putting it off - or avoiding it entirely - can be dangerous or even deadly. The way he feels around the outcome there could also be similar. Whilst in the real world someone isn’t going to just explode and take out a 10 mile radius with them if they don’t get their medication in time, if they were to pass away then the loss would be felt keenly amongst those around them, leaving an impact on their loved ones.

Neurodiversity

There is just so much we can say about neurodiversity, but rather than dissecting it piece by piece I think it might be better to take this opportunity to reflect on how meaningful and validating it can be to see these traits in characters we love. These aren’t things that are shown to be flaws or undesirable, simply a part of the entire personality of the character - connecting can really just be, well, validating. That’s the thing with representation. It’s not about making a huge fanfare over every little thing, it’s integrating characters and character traits naturally and treating them normally - the way that we would rather like it if the real world around us might do. It’s also a way to learn to love ourselves through the love of the character - to think something like “I adore listening to him ramble on about his favourite topic” and perhaps feel a little less self-conscious when we ourselves talk more in depth over a hyperfixation or special interest. Something like, oh I don’t know, writing a long series of essays about subtle disability representation in a popular video game…

Chronic Illness and Spell Slots

This is where it gets interesting with the comparison to game mechanics. An old theory that people have used to describe the long term impact of chronic illness is “spoon theory”. Spoon Theory was a way that a chronically ill person described their energy levels to a friend to help them understand more clearly how we have different limits. So the idea is at the start of a day, you have a certain amount of “spoons”. Every task in the day requires one of these spoons to be used - that might be going to the shop to buy food, taking a shower, going to work, socialising with someone, making an important phone call, or even something as simple as getting dressed. You have to be careful where you use those spoons, because once they’re all gone, that’s it. No more. You can’t just get more from nowhere, and if you try to borrow one of tomorrow’s spoons you’ll have even less for that next day. A newer and far more accurate comparison, at least in my opinion, is spell slots. So different tasks are like different spells, and might take a certain level of spell slot to complete.

Easy tasks we can repeat a lot without trouble, like perhaps talking to a friend online or taking a nap, those are like cantrips. We can do them whenever we need to. Small tasks might be a level 1 or 2 spell slot, which we have more of, but a large task that is very tiring and/or causes a lot of pain need a level 5 spell slot. And there’s the trick - you can spend your level 5 slot on a lower level task, potentially doing more than you might usually do with that task, but you can’t spend a level 2 slot on a level 5 task.

There’s no way to refresh those spell slots without adequate rest, too. In the tabletop version of D&D if you’re suffering levels of exhaustion or don’t get the right amount of uninterrupted rest, you won’t get back all of your spell slots. Which is quite accurate to real life, where not getting what you need means you may not be fully refreshed and replenished for the new day either.

When we talk about chronic illness too, depending on the person there might well be things that would be cantrips for other people - things that don’t feel like they expend any real energy at all to do - which take a whole spell slot for us. Having a shower might make an abled person feel refreshed and energised, but someone with a chronic illness might instead feel drained and tired after expending that energy. This can apply to both physical tasks and mental or social energy too. People who are introverted will likely understand when I say that for some of us it takes away our energy to socialise with others and we need time alone doing our own thing to recover some of that. Extroverts might find this strange, as they more often feel like a positive social interaction is energising to them and gives them a real boost.

So there you have it, spell slots! A way that might make it easier to explain how tasks take energy, and how we’re simply not able to conjure more energy out of thin air.

The Cure and The Desperation

I’ll preface this section straight away with a very simple part - most neurodiversity neither wants nor needs a cure. What’s needed is understanding and adaptation, patience and compassion to work with what the individual needs in order to succeed. Child has a special interest? Let them indulge that passion and learn all they can about it, that might become their career or long term hobby later in life and bring them a great deal of happiness and satisfaction. This section, when we’re talking about a cure, it’s for those chronic conditions that cause suffering. The parallel being how Gale researches and is willing to trade anything to end the agony that the Orb causes him. He’s ready to throw his whole life away because the torment is too much, until another option becomes available. Even when there are other choices, he’s still willing to detonate, potentially because he feels he has become a hindrance or a burden to those he loves. This…honestly this is something that those with complex and/or long term care needs can struggle with. It is hard not to feel like a burden when you need someone else to take care of menial every day tasks on your behalf, or need to keep asking for aid from those around you. That’s where the right support is absolutely vital. In those lower times, to remember in ourselves and sometimes to hear from others that they choose to care for us and that there is more we bring to the world. That our worth is not tied to what we can and cannot do, but instead in who we are and what our presence means to those who love us as we are.

It’s something we don’t always talk about, even within disabled communities, because these are deep and difficult feelings within ourselves and we don’t want to inadvertently cause more upset in those who are struggling or have been affected by loss of this kind. So to see that reflected too, the sorrow, the struggle, those very heartfelt and genuine conversations with Gale as he weighs up his options…that’s important to recognise too. Particularly for abled people to try to understand the depth and complexity of our feelings around the exhaustion of dealing with an illness that never goes away - we want to live, but sometimes we feel the weight of that struggle burying the will to keep fighting it. Even if the condition itself is stable, not degenerative, and not deadly, it is still a burden to ourselves.

What We Can Learn From Gale’s Story

Gale’s parallels to disability are complex, but there’s a lot worth learning from it. Whether it is about fully loving someone’s eccentricities and neurodivergent traits, or learning to understand chronic health through the lens of spell slots, it’s important to know more about ourselves and those around us. For Gale, I see so much of people finding him to be a comfort - “he’s like me”, “I can relate to him” - and that’s what we need. Of course not every person playing the game will feel a connection to him, or even like him as a character, but he is there and to a lot of us he has been an important and meaningful influence through his story. We can also look at the different ways his story can end - several options all quite drastically removed from each other. The ambition is a cautionary tale, the temptation of a “simple fix” is another when the crown can arguably lead to worse endings either under Mystra or losing sight of the better parts of himself beneath the allure of power and godhood. I could probably ramble on for another thousand or so words, but I’ll leave it here for now, with that reflection on everything he can mean to different people and disabilities.

Remember to be kind to yourself, and allow proper recovery of your spell slots before you try to spend levels you don’t have available.

#baldurs gate 3 #gale dekarios #disability #chronic illness #essayposting #bg3 essay #disability pride month

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joelsbloodyhands · 4 months

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MANDALORIAN IMAGINE

Din didn’t realise you have piercings

DESCRIPTION: You tend to Din’s injuries caused by a weapon you didn’t know he was carrying. In the process of cleaning his wounds, he learns something new about you too.

WARNINGS: Din getting hurt, blood, discussion of injuries, open cuts, discussions involving medical equipment, references to shooting guns, Din being a big dumb dumb getting himself injured 😈 newly established relationship, bossy behaviour, basically Din getting injured and he’s not used to being taken care of, reader has seen Din’s face before, established clan/family, just fluff.

A/N: I actually stole this from a draft series I was writing and liked the little snippet on its own so here ya go 😊 Note: Din has the dark saber in this plot but it isn’t mentioned that it takes place in any particular time during the Mandalorian series.

READER does not have a specified gender, they/them pronouns used. Reader is in an established romantic relationship with Din. Reader has parent relationship with Grogu (no gendered title used). Specific to this fic - reader does not have a visible disability and has hair long enough to be tucked behind their ear.

"Dank farrik!" Din exclaims, shooting back at the overconfident rodian chasing the Razor Crest down from the sandy floors of Tatooine. He’s out of breath, sending erratic shots back, warding off the rodian and it’s array of gang members. They had chased him all the way from Beggar’s Canyon, attempting to steal the head of a bounty that Din had managed with great difficulty to acquire. The head that now hung over his shoulder, bleeding through the make shift sack he’d half-heartedly tied it in. Din groans, glancing down at his throbbing shin. He struggles to keep balance on his right leg before being thrown across the cargo hold into the opposite wall when the ship thrusts up harshly towards the airspace.

“Din!” You yell, sliding down the ladder and shooting the airlock closed, preventing any further blaster fire from striking him. You look down at Din’s collapsed form slumped against the wall, gloved hand releasing some wiring he had grabbed to stop himself from rolling down the ramp completely.

Din immediately puts all his strength into shoving his feet into the steel floor, climbing his way up the wall awkwardly and stumbling into a standing position. It’s then you notice his leg, horror reaching your features. Before you can grab his arm, he staggers past you, throwing the disgusting sack off his back and into the corner of the cargo hold before uncomfortably climbing the ladder with pained groans. You follow, scrambling up the ladder after him, your head popping out of the narrow entryway to watch Din collapse into his chair and pull the crest off into the stars.

Wanting nothing more than to tend to his injury, the sound of cries catch your attention, your head whipping around to lower deck. Din’s head arches back while he controls the ship but your body slides down the ladder hurriedly. Din listens, while checking the navigator as he hears you gather your son and murmur words of reassurance to calm him down. Din releases a heavy breath, his teeth gritting as he feels the clothing covering his lower leg to stain coldly with his seeping blood. When he finally manoeuvres the ship far from the desert planet, he hits it into hyperspace and drops his head back against the chair, head spinning.

“Din!” You call again, your arms dragging you achingly back up the ladders after laying Grogu back down, his upset momentarily subsiding. Din feels his eyes growing heavy until your hands find his shoulders urgently, turning the chair harshly to the side to allow more room for you to kneel before him. You yank his shin armor off and tear open the already gaping hole of his flight suit.

“Shit, Din,” you grasp his leg where the wound is causing Din’s eyes to burn, pain erupting around every nerve. You look up at him in worry as he breathes heavily and goes to stand but he collapses just as you hold out your arms. You hitch a breath, trying to gain air back into your lungs after he knocks it out of you when you realise he’s heavier than you realised covered in beskar.

“I’m okay,” Din barely manages, his voice strained.

“No you’re not,” you assert, eyebrows furrowing in your difficulty to maintain his weight. You attempt to manoeuvre him to the ground, causing you to fall back with him in the process until you eventually manage to set him upright against the control panel, legs flat out in front of him.

Meanwhile you turn your head to notice a pair of green ears and big eyes watching you from the entry. You smile weakly at your son who watches you both silently.

“What happened?” You ask, pulling your vibro-knife from your ankle strap and using it to cut through the rest of Din’s clothes to give you access to his sliced leg. You wince as you realise how deep it is, hand palming your temple in confusion as to why the skin surrounding appears burnt and smells charred.

“I…it’s my fault…” Din manages slowly.

You frown, “How?”

In the midst of you tearing at his clothes, he shakily pulls the saber from his waist and holds it out to you, breathing heavily with his head back. You look to it inquisitively before Din pulls it to the side and unsheathes the glowing blade.

Your eyes widen.

“What the kriff is that?”

Din pulls the blade back in and sets it down, his head cocking to the side to analyse you.

"Called the...huff…dark saber. I…huff…caught myself with…huff…it."

You shake your head, completely bewildered by this foreign object but more angry at it for causing your love so much harm. And at his own doing.

"Stop talking. Stay here. Don’t move. I mean it."

He watches you stand up uneasily, sliding back down the ladder and listening to you rummaging around while he tries to regain his breath. His hands go to his helmet but his arms ache so he drops them before he can remove it.

You’re in front of him again before he can call for you, shaking bacta spray when he says your name. You lift your head, frozen by his sudden flinch when you angle the nozzle over his wound.

“My helmet.”

Your face falls, giving him a knowing look which he takes as you asking him if he’s absolutely sure.

He nods in response and you place the bacta spray down, hesitantly placing your hands on either side of the cold beskar and lift it from his head. What greets you is his flushed, sweat-stained features. His dark curls plastered meticulously over his forehead, skin lightly blushed red from enduring the heat of the hot planet and marvellous brown eyes meeting yours.

“Thank you,” Din smiles meekly at you.

You evade his gaze immediately, cheeks growing hotter at his unmodulated voice and softening gaze. Din had only recently started removing his helmet around you and even then it was a rare occurrence. You nervously mutter a “sure” before turning your attention back to his wound.

Once again, you angle the nozzle and spray a generous amount of the fluid over the wide gash. You watch as it gently binds the skin together and closes the wound slightly while Din groans at the stinging, burning sensation, biting his lip harshly. You frown unhappily at his discomfort, placing a hand on his shoulder and massaging gently to ease him.

Knowing you need to prevent him from moving around and get him as comfortable as possible, you move your hands towards his beskar chest plate but hesitate.

Din’s eyes meet yours knowingly, “go ahead”.

You nod and start working to remove his armor piece by piece until he’s in nothing but his torn flight suit. You’re completely in awe at the pile of metal next to you, having never truly realised just how much weight he carries daily.

From a medical kit you had retrieved along with the bacta spray, you begin working to dab gauze and bind his leg with bandages.

Din watches you.

His eyes monitoring your facial expressions, wincing along with his pain. He finds himself starting to calm as he watches you work away. His hand trails subconsciously and tiredly across your shoulder. You notice but try not to seem alarmed by his sudden touches.

Din pushes a strand of your hair back behind your ear, revealing some shiny adornments he remembered noticing once before but never took the time to look at.

Most of the piercings look like parts, screws, and bolts that have been modified into jewellery. An array of colours from dolovite, steel, and gold. Some with attachments hanging down, tickling your neck. Din’s fingers running compellingly across small stones. Some of which he could only identify as Heart of Fire, a burnt orange-red that contrasted perfectly against your skin. He admires them, painting a picture of when you may have gotten such things done.

Had you done it yourself or gone to a vendor?

“Do you like them?” Your quiet voice breaks his trance.

“Hmm?” He hums, his finger smoothing across the arch of your ear thoughtfully, making a shiver run up your spine.

You dare look to him and it’s then he stops his movements having not realised how intimate it seemed.

“My earrings,” you murmur.

Rendering you speechless, he smiles but it’s the smile that’s so heart shattering, it has your knees shaking.

“I do,” he returns tenderly.

You lower your head, trying to hide your flustered expression as you cut the bandage away and rub at his leg gently.

“You’re all good. You need to stay off your feet for a while,” you instruct gently.

“I will. Thank you,” he responds, dropping his hand from your shoulder and assessing the bandage with a grimace.

“You better,” you playfully threaten, holding the scissors to him causing him to grin at you making you blush incredibly and turn away.

Din clears his throat, “We can lay low in Coruscant.”

“Sounds like a plan,” you agree, before getting up to turn your head towards a small green bean of an intruder eavesdropping on your conversation. Your sons little padded footsteps wander over, big brown orbs focused on his fathers injury and whining unhappily.

“It’s okay, bub,” you reassure when he gets close enough to place a small clawed hand on Din’s foot. Din watches you, heart fluttering as you lift your son into your arms and rock him gently. Grogu clings onto your shirt, looking up at you and then back to his father, clearly still distressed.

“Is he okay?” Din inquires, trying and failing to lean forward off the control panel behind him.

“Shaking but he’ll be okay,” your eyes run protectively over your son, fingers stroking light touches over his ear.

You walk over to Grogu’s chair, sitting him down while Din attempts standing up uneasily before limping over to the both of you. At the sound of his footsteps, you turn swiftly, eyes narrowing on him and arms folding disapprovingly.

“What did I say, Din?”

He sighs, “I know what you said.” He hobbles over and puts a hand on Grogu’s head, towering over you both. “I just want to check on the kid.”

“He’s okay,” you reassure gently but firmly.

“And you?” You feel so small compared to Din when he moves closer, his head just above yours with warm eyes fixating down at you with concern.

You nod and give him a small smile, “I’m okay.”

Din nods back slowly and you watch his eyes run over your features almost trying to gauge an understanding that you’re not lying to him. It seems what he finds there eases him and his shoulders finally relax.

“Good. I’m sorry about that. Thank you for having my back,” you close your eyes when he lets his forehead knock yours carefully. You smile nervously when you feel his other hand touch your waist ever so gently, arm curving around your lower back to pull you closer. You breathe him in, adoring this domestic side of him. Each hand protectively holding the two people most dear to him.

“Of course,” you lean into him, your nose gently nudging his. Din smiles.

Grogu cooes at you both.

“You should rest,” you open your eyes, meeting Din’s affectionate but tired gaze. He nods and gently sways your body contentedly in his hold.

“We all should,” he looks back to Grogu, his grabby hands flailing towards the Crests shifter knob. Din reaches for it and you watch him pass the small ball to the babbling child, “It’ll take some time to get to Coruscant.”

#din djarin x reader #mando x reader #the mandalorian #mandalorian imagine #joelsbloodyhands writes #pedro pascal characters #din grogu #star wars #star wars fanfiction #din djarin x you #din djarin one shot #Pedro Pascal character imagines #mando x you

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pulse-for-life · 4 months

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yellowbunnydreams · 2 months

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The Blood Runs Thicker (part 16) ~vampire!William Afton x F! Reader~

~I was meant to be writing Bunny Ears but I am getting so incredibly frustrated with how it's turning out and I'm not prepared to force myself into compliance and publish something that I'm not happy with. Sorry but hopefully I can clear my head and write it soon!~

Tag-List; @ruh--roh-raggy @randymeeksisafinalgirl @sleepy---head @robin-the-enby @hungrhay @likoplays @slxsher-whxre @nicolezghostz @spiderlilytengu @yondus-girl @puppetstr1ings

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* Want more or something different? *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

CW:Minors DNI, (18+ ONLY), Female Reader, legal age gap (Reader- 20's, William - ??), graphic acts of violence, biting, knife-play, blood, blood-drinking/licking, mention of dead children, anaemia. Mentions of torture. Drama/Angst. Possessive behaviour. Descriptions of a medical nature and disability.

The tension in the quaintly decorated living room almost left a metallic taste in your mouth, unlike the taste of copperish pennies you had somewhat become accustomed to running into in the last however long it had been since you came into William Afton's care, this one carried something cold and acrid behind it. Nobody seemed comfortable.

Faded floral curtains and pillows, dumpy worn out couches and worn out wooden furniture that were cluttered with poorly made clay sculptures that you couldn't even tell what they were meant to be and framed photos that had started to turn sepia in the years of sunlight told of a life well lived and fulfilled. But something about it was...odd. Off. A carefully wandering eye could pick up the dust that could no longer be reached, or perhaps it was no longer cared about. First aid kits and boxes of medications were tucked away out of first impressions line of sight, an unnerving amount of drugs for a singular man to have possession of, photos that looked like they had been folded and partially hidden away. The magazines on the table twenty years or so out of date, locked in a time perhaps happier for the family who lived there.

And then there was Henry Emily himself.

You could make out that once upon a time he was probably strong and wirey. His green eyes carrying an almost unnerving sharpness to them despite the skin that started to be marked with liver-spots and form a paper-thin barrier against the world, bent back and sallow cheeks. Greyish hair unkempt not in a playfully curly way, but like he hadn't had the energy to brush it in a while.

Even the tea he had made for you all seemed weak and cold in your hands as you cradled it between your palms.

"How is the tea?" He finally spoke after what had seemed like forever in silence. Making you jump at the sudden noise before you made a non-commital noise of affirmation. Those green eyes never wavering from William's face even though he was clearly addressing the pair of guests.

"It's..it's what I needed, thank you Mr. Emily." Was your polite reply, taking a sip of the lukewarm beverage and trying to hide your distaste as William brought it to his lips too and you watched as he managed to keep a strong poker face whilst drinking it down in only a few gulps. You were beginning to envy the fact that the vampire couldn't taste.

"Quit staring at me Henry, you're freaking your other guest out if not me." William's gravelly voice broke through and Henry blinked for what felt like the first time in hours.

"You're dead William. You were declared dead over twenty years ago."

"A common misconception."

"'A common misconception'? Misconception?! I remember them dragging the lakes nearby for your body! You disappeared, Clara had fucked off to how knows where and Michael and Elizabeth disappeared shortly after you." You could hear the hurt in the older man's voice as it wavered slightly, watching him swallow hard. You hadn't known William long in the grand scheme of things, but you could tell he was intensely uncomfortable with the way his eyes unwaveringly lingered on some loose threads on the arm of the couch rather than his old friend.

"You were declared dead?" You asked, receiving a stern look from the vampire before he sucked at his teeth. He supposed that Henry's own daughter would have been a little older than you were, he honestly had found it harder to keep track of the ages in his old life the longer it had been since he interacted with it.

"Again, a misunderstanding. I simply needed....to remove myself for a little while."

"You disappeared when your family needed you William. When I needed you." Henry swallowed again as William finally brought his eyes up to meet Henry's like they were old friends once again, that lingering feeling like somebody was supposed to be there with him finally at peace for a multitude of reasons, although he would never admit it.

"I'm sorry."

Henry stared incredulously at the man before him. William Afton did not look different to the last time he saw him, not a day over. He seemed to occasionally glance towards the daylight lamp that the Emily house sported by the medicine cabinet, and then wince away like it hurt him, and Henry certainly didn't recall anybody that would have been around to produce somebody like you. You seemed almost the polar opposite of his former best friend, although you carried your own reserved posture that made Henry wonder what you too had lost. Glancing back at William and then back at you, Henry pursed his lips before speaking again.

"Is this your..." He asked, gesturing his hand vaugely before Afton snorted and shook his head, leaning back in the seat and crossing his arms.

"Really Henry? No, she's not my kid, she's....Look, we're travelling together right now, she's been a life-saver." You glanced at the vampire and wondered if he was feeling alright. The closest thing you'd had to a compliment from him, aside from when he had called you pretty in that always slightly demeaning way like it was your only redeeming quality.

"Right...Aren't you going to ask about Charlie then? It's...It's been a while, she was still in the hospital when you left." William stiffened slightly next to you, and you recalled Elizabeth mentioning somebody called Charlie when you had unfortunately met.

"I wasn't aware that she had..."

"No. The doctors have said she'll never walk again, she can't speak. I can only pray that she isn't stuck in her own mind."

The silence was deafening, William's stony, sculpted face twitched with hints of many emotions that you couldn't decipher in that moment, but you said nothing. Henry obviously wasn't aware of what William was, and mentioning it could damage whatever frail olive branch either man had, but you swore for a split second that Afton's face was riddled with guilt.

"I'm sorry, Henry." Henry's face softened as he looked down at his hands, wringing them together as he seemed to contemplate something for a moment before sighing.

"Me too, Will."

Looking between the two men, you saw Afton's expression softening in a way that it never did when he looked at you. There was an unexplained pang in your chest at the realisation, that you had started developing sincere feelings for William Afton despite all you had been through thanks to him, but that they would never be returned as you watched the way his eyes crinkled at the edges when he smiled at Henry sadly. The lopsided smile that revealed dimples and smile lines.

You had almost forgotten that you were a convenience for him.

The sound of an alarm going off near to Henry was what made you jump out of your pity party, seeming to Snap William out of whatever his thoughts were too as Henry pulled out his phone whilst muttering an apology and pressing the screen to dismiss the alarm, sighing and running his fingers through his lack-lustre curls.

"Sorry, that's my alarm to remind me to go and get Charlie into bed. I should-"

"How about I go and get her sorted?" You offered, watching both of the older men blink slowly in surprised before Henry's shoulders relaxed a little more. "You two seem to have a lot to talk about and catch up on, I don't mind."

"Are you sure? She can be quite heavy..."

"I've dragged William's drunk ass home, I'm sure Charlie will be fine." Giving a warm smile and watching William scowl before Henry's laugh distracted him. Devolving into a rattling cough after a moment that made the taller man move couches and gently pat his friend's back in a soothing motion. You supposed that once, he had been a dad after all. But you left them to it, William comforting Henry as they said nothing about his frail condition.

Despite the fact that you never got directions from Henry, you somehow managed to find your way through the house, something whispering in the back of your mind like it had when you first arrived at Freddy's.

That did not leave you with a good feeling.

The whirr and beep of medical devices alerted you to where you needed to be, seeing a woman who looked closer to Elizabeth Afton's age than yours sat in a wheelchair, staring at a TV that seemed to be playing a random channel that it had been switched onto at some point. You recognised it as being a kid's channel, but now her gaunt features were illuminated by the static screen that apologised for the end of scheduled programming.

You could see from what little of the room that wasn't taken up by the large hospital bed and moving equipment, that the room was a shrine to when Charlie Emily had come to be as she was now. Faded pink walls and brighter outlines on the paint where butterfly stickers had once been placed with care, a beaten up white dresser that now stored medical supplies rather than the colourful outfits of childhood. She was rail thin, pale, but her dark hair was immaculate and she was dressed in comfortable, clean clothing that showed no sign of being distressed in any way.

It was clear that despite his own complications, whatever they were, that Henry took immense care of his daughter.

As you grabbed the handles on the wheelchair to move her closer to the bed, you noticed the way her hair sat against the back of her neck wasn't quite right. Frowning, you brushed the hair aside and felt your fingers pausing as you revealed a slightly mangled, but large scar across the back of her neck. Almost like something had grabbed at four separate points and dragged inwards, Charlie gave a tiny twitch as you touched them, and you felt sorry for whatever had happened to the young woman.

"Sorry Charlie, I offered to put you into bed for your dad." You offered your name, like she was going to respond as she continued to stare blankly ahead, blinking slowly like her papery lids were heavy against her sunken sockets.

'You're the first person in a while to actually speak like I'm a person.'

Your head whipped around, searching for the voice. Heart pounding in your chest as a cold breeze brushed across the back of your neck. You knew that you had felt something off, but this wasn't the sort of confused, sad feeling that seemed to accompany the ghosts of Freddy's, including Evan. No, this seemed sad still, but far more....bored?

"Charlie?"

'In the...Well, I would say flesh, but that would sort of be a lie wouldn't it?'

You stopped looking after a moment, and then you saw her. A greyish shape from the corner of your eye that only certain features could be made out from. Dark, curled hair, a green t-shirt. It seemed to flicker and fluctuate between being small like a child and larger like the physical body in front of you.

"But you're not dead....and you're not surprised I can hear you." The tone was perhaps slightly accusatory as you gently reached under her body and picked her up with a grunt, placing her onto the bed and jumping slightly as you realised the eyes had rolled over to focus on you.

'No, I'm....between. Didn't quite die, but I'm not exactly living it either, am I? I suppose I've always hoped that somebody could hear me, dad just thinks he's imagining things when he occasionally picks up on it.' Charlie shuddered again as the grey shape passed by, the eyes rolling about slowly in the sockets and you watched as her left hand twitched slightly, though nothing more as the shape passed onto the other side of the room. Constantly in your peripherals.

"I... I suppose you've sort of aged with your body then?" Hearing what might have been a laugh from the not-quite ghost who seemed rather invested in communicating with you, and you weren't sure you blamed her, seeing the way her physical body was before you whilst you tucked in the covers carefully around her.

There was no answer for a moment, but you felt the cold circling around near by. It was always a strange feeling when the ghosts were around, but you had sort of gotten used to the few times that it had popped up. Charlie was the one. aside from Evan, who had lingered most, and you were curious if she could articulate what had happened to her.

'Sort of. It's a bit weird....'

'Can I ask a question....or rather a favour?'

"Sure, what do you need? Not to be stuck on the kid's channel all day? Are you in pain?" You asked, side-eyeing the ghost as you brushed some dark hair from her physical face.

'Can you get Uncle Will to finish the job that he started twenty years ago?'

"What do you mean?" Brow furrowed in confusion as the woman in front of you gave a shuddering sigh, like the ghost influenced her still physical and alive body.

'I want him to actually kill me this time.'

#william afton #william afton x reader #steve raglan #springtrap #steve raglan x reader #fnaf movie #springtrap x reader #william afton x you #william afton smut #fnaf x reader #vampire william afton #monster au

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pep-the-artemis · 5 months

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Is CYN Autistic and is She Good Representation?

Murder Drones ⟨00⟩ is an indie show about robots; created by Glitch Productions ⟨01⟩; directed by Liam Vickers ⟨02⟩: all episodes are free to watch on YouTube and I do recommend watching. The show follows a robot girl named Uzi and her best friend N; CYN (the subject of this post) is N’s adoptive younger sister. Many people in the Murder Drones fandom (including myself) have identified her as being autistic but is this the case and is she a good representation?

In this post I will try to go over all the evidence we have which suggests she is/isn’t autistic and discuss what it means to be a good representation. I have split this post into three parts,

Is CYN Autistic (Minor Spoiler warning)

Is CYN Autistic (Major Spoiler warning)

What is Good Representation and does CYN qualify?

If you enjoy reading this, consider reblogging and checking out my other post where I go into the science behind "if N is colour blind?⟨3⟩”. I must forewarn, I am not a medical doctor nor am I qualified in any adjacent fields relating to disabilities, I am just an autistic person who enjoys film theory.

All references used are linked too and also supplied at the bottom.

[image transcript; a picture of the character CYN from Murder Drones Episode 5 sitting behind a bar counter holding a ceramic teacup]

The first point I want to make is to address the possible concerns over CYN being a Worker Drone (the name given to one type of robot in Murder Drones) as, in media, autistic people are often negatively represented through machines. This is not the case here, in the show most characters are robots and behave neurotypically; the behaviours and mannerisms of CYN will expressly be discussed in comparison to the rest of the cast. This will also be discussed more in greater detail later in the post.

Part 1 - Evidence : Minor Spoiler Warning

Posture

The manner in which CYN stands gives us multiple strong indications that she is neurotypical. Contrary to common belief, autism both affects a person mentally and physically with a strong overlap between the two⟨04⟩.

[image transcript; a picture of the character CYN from Murder Drones Episode 5 standing looking upwards towards the camera smiling with a crooked posture]

Going from top to bottom, the notable traits are;

CYN is very short, being estimated to be ~100cm or ~3'4''. For comparison, most Worker Drones are around 132cm or 4'4''. This is likely due to her being a child but there have been studies which have found that Autistic people are generally taller than their neurotypical counterparts⟨05⟩.

CYN holds her head at a tilt which is an common autism stim⟨06⟩. We also see that she often uses her hand to adjust her head or to hold it in support, leading to the conclusion that she has hypotonia (weak “muscles”) which is characterised by symptoms like difficulty holding the head up, difficulties with sitting up⟨07⟩, and poor posture; all identified in CYN. The source just provided focuses mainly on infants but I did manage to find a case study of a ten year old written by Mark Hutten⟨08⟩. I also found an interesting study saying head tilting can assist in helping an autistic person with facial recognition⟨09⟩.

CYNs elbows are constantly bent over a 90 degree angle pulling her arms towards her chest. This is known as “T-Rex Arms” in the autistic community and is usually believed to be a form of stimming⟨10⟩.

When not being used, CYNs hands are constantly limp. This is a commonly seen extension to the “T-Rex Arms”. I was unable to find a scholarly article but I did find a discussion point by the online influencer Autistic Emmalyn⟨11⟩.

CYN leans towards her left leg and her right leg is distinctly more bent, this is common in autistic people caused by what's known as “Leg length discrepancy”⟨12⟩. Note, I've found contradictory evidence for what causes “Leg length discrepancy”; does the posture decrease leg length, does the leg length induce posture, or is differing leg length an illusion. It is also unusual for both legs to be bent so it's hard to say with certainty this is the cause.

CYN points her feet inwards which is known as in-toeing which is a common symptom of autism although only generally present in young children⟨13⟩. In-toeing can be caused by “femoral anteversion”: I found no study directly correlating “Femoral Anteversion” and autism but I did find a study which correlated hypermobility with autism⟨14⟩ and a study which correlated “Femoral Anteversion'' with hypermobility⟨15⟩. Hypermobility has also been shown to be correlated with hypotonia⟨16⟩.

CYN is seen pulling her thighs inwards which is a sign of autism and many autistic people (specifically autistic children) do it to help them find balance⟨13⟩.

Note that there is one scene in which she doesn’t stand in the manner described above, in this scene she is not the focus and she’s very much obscured. I believe at this point this is likely an animation error. I will be discussing this in greater detail later on but cannot currently due to the problem of spoilers.

[image transcript; a picture of the character CYN from Murder Drones Episode 5. The shot is of her standing neurotypically from behind while holding a ceramic teacup]

Walking

The problem with discussing the manner in which CYN walks is that we get limited shots of her walking, particularly unsupported. The best evidence we do have comes from the gala preparations in episode 5 but in that scene the lower parts of her legs are obscured and she is taking aid from N. There are other scenes where we somewhat see her walk but they each come with their own problems.

[image transcript; a picture of CYN (left) walking holding onto her older brother N (right)]

By comparing the number of times CYN and N’s head bob while walking together we get an indication of their respective stride lengths, by watching the scene at 0.25 speed CYN takes ~16 steps and N takes ~9 steps. Since they’re walking in tandem, we can conclude that CYNs stride length is 9/16=~0.5625 times that of N’s. Since stride length and height are directly proportional17, we can take into account their height difference by multiplying by the ratio of their heights (132cm/100cm=1.32) which gives us 1.32*0.5625=0.7425 so even when height is taken into account, CYNs stride length is significantly smaller than N’s and a smaller stride length is a symptom of autism⟨17⟩. This is also backed up in other scenes where we see CYN move and her stride appears very short.

While walking with N, her gait (distance between feet) is neurotypical, in other scenes where we see her walk, without aid, this is not the case so this is a direct example of where we cannot be certain of the information we’re getting from the gala preparation scene. A wider gait length is a sign of autism⟨18⟩.

When looking at the movement of her kneecaps compared to N and the other servants, she has a distinct increased hip flexion which is a symptom of autism which is an action taken to mitigate the effects of autism on mobility⟨18⟩.

Although she has an increased hip flexion, her knee’s do not appear to bend significantly which is another sign of autism along with limited ankle movement⟨18⟩. We only see one shot in the show where we see CYN feet while she’s moving and in that she takes only one small step backwards but it does seem that her ankles don’t bend, I am reluctant to push this as evidence due to how limited the data is.

In the cathedral scene, we see that she seemingly pauses between steps as she walks (this behaviour is not present when walking with N). This is referred to as an increase in the stance phrase which is a sign of autism⟨18⟩.

Oral

CYN (voiced by Allanah Fitzgerald⟨19⟩) has a very distinct manner in which she talks, for those unaware her voice sounds very reminiscent of Siri/Alexa which strongly contrasts most other characters in the show who have fully articulated voices. Without going into details (to avoid spoilers), there is an argument that can be made that her voice is the default for Worker Drones.

[image transcript; a picture of the character CYN from Murder Drones Episode 5 kneeling on a bar counter holding up her head with the back of her hand]

Here is a transcript of a conversation between CYN and N.

N - *walking in*

CYN - “You seem, upset—big brother—N. Perhaps you'd like to attend the gala with me?—light sip”

N - “Ahh, not sure we’re invited, little buddy. Why not just hang with me?”

CYN - “climbing, criss cross applesauce—am I—not wanted, N?”

N - “aww dude, you know its her parents… ahh, don’t give me those eyes”

CYN - “giggle, I am so naughty.”

certain parts of N’s lines being altered to avoid spoilers (CYNs lines have been left virtually unchanged).

The most obvious part of her language is her rigid voice, it is very monotone. This is not hard to correlate to Autism as ‘robotic’ is a common descriptor used to describe one of the ways people who are autistic talk⟨20⟩. I do want to mention that although her voice is robotic, she isn’t emotionless, through her actions it is clear she can feel a wide range of complex emotions including humour and annoyance; it's just she struggles showing it⟨23⟩.

CYN also uses phrases when performing certain actions such as “criss cross applesauce” when she is sitting down; this is a sign of Echolalia⟨20⟩ which is very common for autistic people⟨20⟩. Her phrase “you’d like to attend the gala with me” also gives the implications of delayed Echolalia⟨21⟩. Note, certain things she vocalises like “giggle” and “annoyed expression” aren’t Echolalia.

CYN does not show any sins of having narrow interests which is usually a common symptom of Autism⟨20⟩. This may be a result of her limited screen presence as we don’t get significant indications of any of her interests.

Since we don’t see CYN through multiple stages of her life, it is difficult to determine if her language skills have developed unevenly⟨20⟩. She does mix childish and formal language together as she talks which can be interpreted as implying uneven language skills. I think the explanation of Echolalia fits better.

[image transcript; a close up picture of the character CYN from Murder Drones Episode 5 kneeling on a bar counter holding out her hands making an excited expression with her tongue out] (author note, do not question why she has a tongue)

Her face, although much less emotive, isn’t devoid of emotion; she can somewhat show emotions like fear and can be very expressive but only in a rigid and forced manner although her face is usually unexpressive. She also sometimes she visually shows the wrong emotions like with the picture above she is excited but here eyes are showing the scared emotion. All these is very stereotypical of autistic people and defies the common stereotype⟨22⟩.

Now we have come to the end of part 1, which is sad ): . Please consider reblogging, this took a lot of time and research to put together and I'm sure there's still mistakes and inaccuracies. So what conclusions can we draw from this information… not much since a lot of important information has been left out since they cannot be discussed without major spoilers for the show. Thank you for reading.

References

⟨0⟩Liam Vickers | Murder Drones Episodes

⟨1⟩Luke and Kevin Lerdwichagul | Glitch Productions

⟨2⟩Liam Vickers | Liam Vickers Productions

⟨3⟩pep-the-artemis | Is N ColourBlind?

⟨4⟩I lost the intended link | so here’s a cat

⟨5⟩Interactive Autism Network | Relationship Between Autism and Height

⟨6⟩Carmen B. Pingree | Signs of Autism

⟨7⟩Medical News Today | Hypotonia

⟨8⟩Mark Hutton | Hypotonia Case Study

⟨9⟩NeuroScience News | Head Tilt Social Engagement

⟨10⟩Cross River Therapy | T-Rex Arms in Autism

⟨11⟩Autistic Emmalyn | Autistic Arms

⟨12⟩YAI | Posture and Gait of Autistic Individuals

⟨13⟩NHS | In-Toeing

⟨14⟩National Library of Medicine | The Relationship Between Generalised Joint Hypermobility and Autism Spectrum Disorder in Adults: A Large, Cross-Sectional, Case Control Comparison

⟨15⟩National Library of Medicine | Is there a correlation between the femoral anteversion angle and the elasticity of the hip muscles in cases of intoeing gait due to increased femoral anteversion angle?

⟨16⟩The Royal Childrens Hospital Melbourne | Low muscle tone

⟨17⟩Scientific America | Stepping Science: Estimating Someone's Height from Their Walk

⟨18⟩National Library of Medicine | Gait deviations in children with autism spectrum disorders: a review

⟨19⟩Allanah Fitzgerald | FitzyVA

⟨20⟩National Institute of Hearing | Autism Spectrum Disorder: Communication Problems in Children

⟨21⟩The Autism Therapy Group | Echolalia in Autism: What It Is and How To Treat It

⟨22⟩app2vox | Understanding autism and emotions

#murder drones #murder drones details #murder drones theory #cyn murder drones #cyn md #md cyn #murder drones cyn #autism #autism representation #disabled representation #neurodivergent #neurodiversity

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hereticpriest · 6 months

Text

Bite

Rating: Mature?

Relationship: Laszlo Kreizler x reader

Warnings: Heavily implied odaxelagnia, period typical misogyny, period typical relationship culture, period typical discussion of a physical disability.

Note: Kincsem means 'my treasure' and szerelmem means 'my love' in Hungarian.

Warmth sinks into your back as you lean heavily against the strong legs and plush sofa behind you, chasing away the chill you might've had from sitting on the cold floor. Your upper body is wedged somewhat between bony knees and soft thighs, holding you in place in case you were to fall asleep. It wouldn't be the first time. A blissful sigh leaves your lips as you nuzzle your cheek against your arms, pillowed beneath your head and draped lazily over your dear doctor's thigh. The fingers of his non-dominant hand comb shyly through your hair, still learning to touch you with what he refers to as his deformity when he manages to speak of it.

His voice, thickly accented when he's as relaxed as he is now in the fire's crackling light with you at his feet, lilts over the words of whatever book he's chosen to read for you tonight. You haven't absorbed much of it, though you believe it to be a text rather than a novel - delving into the science behind love, how quaint - since he keeps pausing to underline passages as he goes. He doesn't ever seem to do that with novels - that's your territory. He often remarks that he likes to read some of his favourites again after you've made your way through them simply because he likes to read the little notes you've jotted down in the margins.

You let out a plaintive noise as he removes his hand from your hair, blinking open heavy-lidded eyes to look up at him with all the disgruntled displeasure of a toddler told no. His eyebrow raises at you as if to ask what you plan to do about it, and you scoff, shifting your arm ever so slightly to give you room to sink your teeth into the meat of his thigh. He yelps, fisting your hair in order to wrench your head back, and you let him. Your lips form a smug grin, eyes half-lidded and smouldering. The would-be pain of having your hair pulled bleeds into pleasure instead, sparking like wildfire under your skin.

"No biting, kincsem." He murmurs, guiding your head back down to his leg delicately for a man who’d just yanked on your hair. You wait on baited breath to see if he'll keep touching you, and hum with delight when he does, indulging you despite the fact that it reinforces your unfortunately bratty behaviour. He's been trying to get you out of the habit of biting since you met, with very little success. First, as a typist at the Kreizler Institute with a bad habit of biting the skin around your nails - stress induced, due to the pressure from your parents to marry instead of working for him. He had recommended a healthy outlet for your stress and a set of gloves to redirect you, and while the gloves did work when you weren’t actively typing, you hadn’t yet found an outlet for your stress. Then, your parents found a suitor for you willing to overlook your unfortunate desire to make something of yourself beyond a wife and mother, which led to you biting the thenar eminence of your dominant hand until you had to wear gloves to hide the marks and bruises. The gloves were somewhat of a deterrent when you wore them, as you learned to get quite adept at wearing them while typing, and had to pull them up to bite properly.

As you were reluctantly contemplating the aforementioned suitor's offer of courtship, Laszlo came to you with an offer of his own, a decidedly sweeter offer despite your parent's distaste for foreigners and lack of respect for his profession. He was still a wealthy man (wealthier than the alternative) of good standing (relative to the man they'd found for you) with a somewhat prestigious job, who wished to marry you with some level of expediency. Up until that point, you'd done your best to look at Laszlo as Dr. Kreizler - your boss first, and a man a distant second - in order to avoid any misunderstandings or scandals. You did not acknowledge his good looks, or his delectable accent, or the way his eyes seemed to see right through you. None of those things were relevant to your job. Somehow, you’d managed to do quite well in removing the man of him from the equation.

When he proposed a courtship, it had not been a way to save you from a worse fate like you might have feared it to be if you'd ever even had an inkling to the idea that he might ask. Which you hadn’t, because you had blinded yourself to him willfully to achieve a healthy working relationship. An entire world of possibility opened up between you when he forced your hand and made you finally acknowledge him as something other than your polite and kind boss, Dr. Kreizler. Your good doctor had asked you with sweetly pink cheeks and a flustered tongue, an honest fear in his eyes as he attempted quite needlessly to be forthright about his faults and how he might make up for them. You knew who he was. As you allowed yourself to think of him as an option, you realised how good of a man he truly was. He wasn’t a perfect man, certainly. He had a habit of being manipulative, and was far too shrewd not to recognize it. He lacked some social graces, which had given him the ability to see people that society had shunned, but also made him a bit abrasive at times. He was profoundly intelligent, which led him to sometimes confront people with the things they did not want to be faced with.

And yet, he was kind. Compassionate. He saw beyond your pretty wrapping to the heart of you, and appreciated both. He indulged you even when you were difficult. He gave everyone a chance based on merit, not class. His love warmed you like a fire, and very rarely burned you in equal measure. He was incredibly handsome, distinguished, and carried his age well. He dressed well, groomed himself appropriately and his voice made you quake. His arm did little if anything at all to quell your passion for him, once he lit the fire. All it took was one spark for you to burn.

It was as if the moment he began courting you, you began to see things you had never noticed before. Things that had always been there, and yet you had been completely blind to them. Despite the difficulty it gave him, he always pulled out your chair for you. He offered you his arm anytime you two had to walk anywhere together, and helped you in and out of the carriage despite having Cyrus there to do it for him. You, quite by accident, noticed him staring at you in the quiet moments in his office while you were typing up his notes for him, or taking his dictation. It wasn't the first time, though you had always passed it off as the man thinking, the direction of his gaze less important than the thoughts running through his brilliant mind. It wasn’t until you knew the fire in his eyes when he looked upon something he wanted that you began to recognize it in his gaze whenever he was looking at you.

Once, long before your courtship began, he had invited you to dinner with his motley crew of investigators at the Delmonico. You remember playfully remarking that you would have to buy a new dress for the occasion, only to find a dressbox laying on your desk the following morning when you came into work. Your insistence that he not waste his money on you was met with a disdainful look at the simple notion and a reminder that it would be impolite to refuse a gift given in earnest. Your parents would have had a fit if they knew you accepted such a gift from a man, but what they didn’t know couldn’t possibly hurt you. Every compliment from Ms. Howard and Mr. Moore made Laszlo subtly preen, apparently pleased to have picked something that suited you so well. You had thought his behaviour a tad odd - inviting the group's admiration of your dress, subtle as it may have been, was certainly not the doctor's usual style.

You had kept yourselves to courtship rules, holding hands only in presence of a chaperone for your good public image, what little remained. He took you on several long, chaperoned walks in between dinners with your family, and exchanged letters with you despite the fact that he saw you nearly every day for work. Your engagement swiftly followed, perhaps a bit faster than might’ve been acceptable if your parents hadn’t been in such a rush to be rid of you. The first time he kissed you, you swore you heard and felt him whimper. He was endlessly gentle with you, cherishing you in ways you never expected. He loved you long before you even knew that was a possibility, and he had hungered. Your next bite was to his lower lip, and then his chin, and then his neck. Instead of using gloves to redirect you, he now wore higher collars or guided your nipping mouth further down under his clothing.

It was a happy marriage. It is a happy marriage. Only a couple of months in and you’ve never been happier in your entire life. Your doctor, your husband, takes very good care of you. You want for nothing, except a moment more of his time. Just one more look. One more touch. One more kiss. You’re voracious - he’s accused you multiple times of being spoiled with a fondness in his voice that said he was perfectly okay with that. You think he’s been so hungry for you for so long that it’s only fair that you suffer the same ailment.

Your doctor combs your hair back from your face, leaning over you just the slightest bit to see your open eyes before he speaks, “You, my little wife, have not heard a single word I have said for the last hour, have you?”

You smile against your arm.

“Oh, no, my love. I was definitely listening.” You correct him, and he sighs, stroking the pad of his thumb over your plush lips and inviting a bite he knows is coming. He barely even flinches as you clamp your teeth around his skin, then he does shudder when you pull his thumb into your mouth.

“Some day, I will rid you of this compulsion.” he murmurs, and you bite around the base of his thumb before letting him pull free of you. His hand slips below the neck of your nightgown, and you shiver at the wet swipe across your nipple.

“You hardly want to, husband. Deny it all you like, we both know you like when I bite.”

He smirks, his strong hand slipping under your arms to help you stand on shaky, numb legs. Despite himself, he likes when you walk like a baby deer around him, whether due to his nightly (and often daily) passions, or simply because you like to kneel at his feet so often until your legs go numb.

“Come to bed, szerelmem. I think there’s still an inch of my neck that is yet to be bruised.” He teases, and you laugh, leaning into him as he helps you towards your bedroom. You’ve no doubt he’ll find yet another way to make your legs shake before the end of the night.

#laszlo kreizler x reader #laszlo kreizler #the alienist #female reader

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