#Divorce Forms Online

[roseband]

whelp.....EDS is on my medical chart now *barfs*

[saerotonins]

biggest scandals they have faced

ft. actor!nanami kento, fushiguro toji x wife!reader (separated) 

content warnings: fluff, light angst, jjk actor au, celebrity issues, cheating allegations, divorce allegations, none of them are true, misogyny, mentions of infertility, just cruel stuff based on the issues i see online, slightly suggestive (making out), toji and wife call each other "ma" and "pa", mentions/hinting of sex, internet trolls, horrible people online, pls don't read if these issues are triggering to you, shitty article names lol

wc: 2052

note: this got too long, will do other parts for the other actors instead <33 happy holidays, everyone!

NANAMI KENTO:

Jujutsu Kaisen Star Nanami Kento Facing Trouble in Paradise: Leads to Divorce

to say he was irritated when he saw the headlines from the tabloids was an understatement, he is beyond livid. but the comments just made everything worse.

user_1: wow aren't they married for years already? maybe his wife can't conceive any babies? LOL

user_2: must be, or maybe nanami's just realized his wife is just using him for his actor money 

user_3: the wife doesn't know to make a sandwich i fear 

user_4: maybe he got tired of his wife's ugly face, no wonder he hides it from the internet hahaha

kento doesn't give a fuck if people were dragging his name left and right but god forbid it involves you, his loving wife who has been nothing but utterly supportive of his career. for someone who stuck by his side for years, it angers him that people immediately assume that you were the problem. he knows the news isn't true, he literally just cuddled with you last night, so to say that you were getting a divorce almost makes him laugh if it weren't how stupid this situation is. 

when his manager informed him about the situation, he immediately cancelled every schedule that he has for today, he will call the lawyers to settle this later but for now, his main focus is you. 

you are someone who is used to the privacy of your own space which is why you opted to keep your face off his socials and remain anonymous to the eyes of his fans. kento hates it that your peace is getting disturbed due to his stardom, so he is willing to drop everything just to go home to you and comfort you. no one knows who you really are but the way it made people talk like they do, makes him angry. no way his wife is going to be disrespected like this.

the moment kento opens the door the your shared home, he's panting, sweat evident in his forehead and worry present in his eyes as he looks at you across the living room, sitting on the couch with your phone in your hands. 

"shit," he thought, he knows you already saw the news, and worse the comments. he can tell just by your body language. your eyes sunken in sadness and your lips form a frown. he doesn't see it but he knows your heart is breaking too.

"honey," kento breathes out as he walks towards you. he knows you heard him, but you stay in your position, disbelief flooding your senses. suddenly, you came back to reality when you feel kento's warm embrace, his large and quick hands getting rid of your phone before placing it on your head and immediately feeling his chest against your head.

his breathing his ragged, unstable deep breaths as he tells you, "it's gonna be okay," and a thousand apologies to go with it. you nod instead, finding yourself difficult to talk. you opt to rub onto his arm, a silent reply to his comforting and kento seems to understand your gesture. he then kisses the crown of your head as he pulls you tighter in his embrace.

"am i holding you back, kento?" you asked, your voice quite muffled as you speak through his button down blouse.

"oh god, darling you will never hold me back, if anything, you keep me moving. don't listen to them, alright? i'm happy and contented to where we are right now, don't worry about it." he lets go of the embrace and cups your face with both of his hands. he looks at you with loving eyes as he brushes your lower lip with his thumb. you close your eyes as he leaned closer, then you finally felt his lips against yours. he gives a peck, another, and then a third one before he crashes his lips onto you for the last time as he takes his time to explore your mouth.

kento knows a lot of ways to apologize, and this is one of them. he is gentle, but his love is loud as he allows his tongue clash against yours, the wet squelch filling up the room as he allows himself to be drunk with your lips.

when kento lets go, his breathing is heavy but satisfied. "i'll take care of everything from then on, okay?" he says as he caresses your face and a smile creeps to his face when you lean towards his touch with a nod. "will you be releasing a statement?" you ask.

"yeah, i'll contact our lawyer about it and then we'll see what we can do." his answer earned a curt nod from you. kento noticed pursed your lips, obviously thinking about something.

"are you still bothered by the comments?"

"no, i mean, i'm a bit upset about how people were talking about me online but i'm just curious as to where all this came from." 

"hmm, yeah, we'll take care of that too, for now, just rest your pretty mind and always remember that i will never leave you. that okay?" his gentle voice makes your heart feel full, and that's you know that your husband will always be at your beck and call. "yeah." you answered as you give his lips a quick peck, "i love you," you added.

"i love you too."

not a even a day later, the JJK LABEL had released a statement and an article regarding the fake news that had surfaced.

Nanami Kento Slams Fake Divorce Article: "Don't project your problems in your love life through me and my wife."

"the article itself and the comments are horrible and people are stupid enough to believe something that came from a tabloid known to release fake news. maybe this just tells about how gullible and stupid people are for believing groundless rumors and not my relationship." the artist stated.

"to everyone involved in the release of this article, we will see you on court and i hope you have any evidence about your claim. to the people who threw disgusting comments about my wife, please worry how alone you are instead of snooping around our relationship." he adds.

that day, kento's fanbase rejoice as the tabloids finally got their karma when it was reported that their company was finally shut down.

FUSHIGURO TOJI:

it was a normal day in the fushiguro household until megumi bursts in through the door with a loud and resounding—

"dad, what the fuck?" 

"megumi, language, please!" you warned him.

your word goes through megumi's ears and went to his dad who is currently lounging in the living room reading his script. he paid his son's words no mind and gave him a raised eyebrow, urging him to continue.

"your name is all over tabloids because of a forum post. look," megumi says as he faces his phone screen to toji's face. to say that he's horrified to what he just saw is an understatement. so, with a worry mind, you go behind toji's lounging chair and read what's on the screen.

Acting Veteran 'T' Caught in An Affair! 

At the night of Tuesday, Actor 'T' is caught leaving a hotel with a seemingly younger woman clinging on his arms. The two are being lovey-dovey in their Shibuya rendezvous. Actor 'T' is currently married with a child which makes everything even more scandalous. What would actor 'T'’s wife and child think about this? Seems like the man really took a liking towards sneaking away with younger women.

Actor 'T'’s identity will be released by [MM/DD/YY] so stay tuned! For now, let us know your thoughts below.

user_1: actor veteran and the code is T? must be toji then?

user_2: this is definitely toji lmfao he looks like someone who would fool a younger woman

user_3: his wife must be so rusty now so he's running to the younglings LOL

user_4: respect for having the balls to cheat on his wife after this long, ik his ass is itching

user_5: @user_4 LMFAO should've done it sooner! bet he doesn't want to pay child support so he's staying 😂

user_6: NOOOO the GOAT got caught damn we were rooting for u 👑

"what the fuck?" both you and toji's voice were erupting in the whole room. out of shock? anger? rage? megumi is not sure but there is one thing he's sure of, both of you are being scary right now and the red in both of you and husband's eyes are almost showing due to the high range of emotions you were both feeling right now.

despite knowing that toji is utterly in love with you and he was actually with you that day, it scares him that his father is facing this kind of scandal. people are horrible out there trying to ruin his father's career that he worked hard on and this is the proof.

toji might be used to having false rumors spread about him all over the years he is in the acting industry, but what he can't take is people talking shit about his wife and thinking less about her. the comments that he just read just woke up the rage inside of him.

"mom?" megumi had called you since it's been minutes when you had gone quiet. the sight before him broke his heart. 

your eyes are trying not to let your tears fall, but the comments are too hurtful to ignore, too cruel to set aside. even though you know that it's covered with a codename (barely), you exactly know it's your husband that they are talking about. you're hurt about the comments but you're most scared of your husband's career coming to a screeching halt.

you suddenly feel your husband hug you so tight and you let it all out. his shirt might get damped but toji doesn't care, comforting his wife comes first. he then tells megumi, "call our lawyer, tell him what we just saw, they'll know what to do," megumi frantically nods and gets out of the house to do what toji had said.

"come on, ma, let's go and get some rest." toji had urged you to go with him.

"pa, this is so ridiculous, i know you know how to deal with these but this is just too much, they're targeting our family now." the sadness in your voice and the tears that flow through face break toji's heart. you don't deserve this. these assholes needed to be taught a lesson, and he knows he won't be nice about it. "i'll take care of this, 'kay? i love you and megs so much, angel."

toji's voice somehow calmed your senses and you let yourself cry in his arms until you're left with no tears. "i'm sorry, i'm too old to cry like this." you said as you try to wipe the remnants of your tears from your face.

"no one's too old to cry, darling," toji coos, glad that you're finally able to calm down, and caresses the back of your head. then, a sly smirk forms on his lips, "you know what else we're not too old for?" 

genuinely curious, you look up to him, "what?" you asked. 

toji leaned down and whispered, "another child, think we can give megumi a sibling?" and gave you a mischievous look.

"toji!" you exclaimed as you smack his chest, flustered of his words. 

"gross, get a room, and is now really the time for this?" you suddenly let go of yourself from toji's grasp the moment you heard megumi back in the living room. toji chuckled, "i got it all covered, both of you rest up and i will deal with all of this." toji walked towards where megumi is standing and gives his head a gentle pat, "no one's gonna ruin us, alright?" 

the conviction in toji's voice made it clear to both of you and megumi that he already has a plan in mind, and you trust him enough to believe him. he has never let the both of you down, after all.

the next day, news break out the the person who posted the rumor on the online forum is caught with other criminal charges aside from the defamation he just attempted to do. the horrible comments also seem to magically disappear.

Fushiguro Toji Busts Down Anonymous User, Other Criminal Charges Involved

"I hope this serves as a lesson to everyone else. I'm not backing down until everyone gets what they deserve for ruining the names of the people I care about. I will not let go until every single horrible person who rises their tongue against my family is punished." Toji stated.

"Be careful what you read and comment online, please don't forget that the people you talk about are not just subjects, but real human beings." The veteran actor added.

the fake news spreader should have really known not to deal with a veteran who is powerful enough to protect the people he cherishes.

edit: i just noticed that i wasn't able to add the ending to toji's part 😭 my apologies, i fixed it now!

[nhlegalforms]

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[snekdood]

The biggest scam in leftist spaces is "leftists" selling other leftists fear, fear of everything around them and anyone who disagrees with them- you're not supposed to be so scared of other ppls opinions that you avoid them. You should be confident because you know you're right, you know reality has a leftwing bias, theres no reason you should be scared of rwingers when their whole ideology falls apart the more you ask them questions. Unless theyre physically threatening you, you should stand your ground. Do more research on your beliefs to be more firm in your position. You dont have to have a special intellectual debate or anything but you do need to be able to counter misinformation when it pops up in social situations and not get frustrated and leave. Because whoever sticks behind to hear the dipshit speeing misinfo will sit there and digest what he says w/o much pushback, and since we know how manipulative republicans are, when/if they do pushback the rwinger is just going to try to convince them to his side by appealing to their stances and trying to twist them into how whatever hes saying totally doesnt conflict with what they want. Since you cant trust average ppl to know shit, and even if you feel you can safely where you live, still, nonetheless, you need to counter them and assume everyone surrounding them doesnt know better. You can be scared in these situations, but you need to have courage and you shouldnt back down or retreat. Ik this post is supposed to be how ppl avoid anyone with different opinions but lets be honest. The reason left leaning ppl avoid anyone w even slightly different opinions is bc theyre worried theyre gonna be right wing opinions and have so little faith in themselves, their knowledge of their own beliefs and their ability to defend them that its easier to just run away from anyone who might potentially be sharing rightwing opinions/is rightwing. I also think the reason a lot of leftists online avoid having these conversations is because since they have so little faith in their ability to defend their beliefs, theyre worried theyll be subtley convinced to the rightwingers position. And like we know, theyre incredibly manipulative, so its a fair concern, but thats why you have to educate yourself, you especially in this day and age need to know their dogwhistles so you can point them out, everyone should be keeping up w them imo. Theres websites that has them all listed. Because otherwise if you just hide away and trust random "leftists" online to know everything for you... You're actually still likely to fall into rightwing beliefs. Because you dont know how many of those "leftists" are secretly comservatives try to slowly bring people over to their side, like by overtime eroding their ethics or the value of basic human decency... You need to be educated enough about these topics and honestly be socially and emotionally educated enough to be able to detect when someones manipulating you, rather than assume everyone w a slightly different opinion than yours might or wants to.

[morganbritton132]

The kids have a running series across all their Tiktok accounts called “Eddie Munson Doing His Best To Get Divorced.” It includes:

Part 3: Mike’s filming. Steve, halfway through putting together a bookshelf, asks Eddie for some help. Eddie says, “Stevie, I’m gay. The internet says I’m allowed to be useless.” Steve is just ????

Part 4: Filmed by El. Eddie hugs Steve from behind and then bites him. She captioned it: Cute!

Part 6: a video filmed by Will of Eddie returning home after taking Steve’s service dog Ozzy to the groomers. Ozzy is pink now. Eddie’s got a smile a mile wide and Steve is just like, “Babe, why?”

Part: 8: a video by Lucas of Eddie changing out the letters on the letter board in the kitchen that used to have a quote about teaching from when Steve did online classes but now says LET’S HAVE SEX.

Part 8.5: a video by Max of Steve noticing what the letter board says fifteen minutes into a zoom study session with his sixth period algebra class four months after Eddie changed it.

Part 13: Dustin is zooming in and out on Steve’s face as he insist that he is not falling asleep. It’s a losing battle because Steve is already laying down on the couch. He shifts the camera up when he sees Eddie so you can see the thought forming in Eddie’s mind right before he throws himself over the back of the couch and directly onto Steve. It obviously startled Steve and wakes him up, but Eddie says as if he did not just scare the life out of him, very casually, “Let’s cuddle, babe.”

Eddie, while Steve is still trying to process what the hell even happened, “You’re watching Lord of the Rings? Without me, Henderson?”

Part 24: Jimmy Fallon asking how Eddie is friends with well-respected, hard hitting journalist Nancy Wheeler and Eddie saying that they actually have a lot in common. His husband has been inside both of them. Erica films her tv. The caption says ‘Boy, he’s going to kill you.’

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[schtrawberry]

[3] personal astrology observations

[!] this is mostly an introspective view into my chart; in no way, shape, or form am i saying that any of this is fact or set in stone, nor am i saying that i am a professional astrologer. these are just presences that exist within my chart that i've felt manifest themselves in real life. simply put, take what resonates and leave what doesn't :)

— the observation that venus in the 9th house and sagittarius mars natives are far more likely to be attracted to foreigners and/or meet their future partner/s in a foreign country is true!

[nothing, just felt like confirming, esp as someone w both these placements 🤭 like, i honestly am more likely to be approached (in a romantic setting) by a foreigner both in-person and online!]

═ sun square neptune is the aspect of daydreamers. they're always thinking about an idealized version of the future or dwelling on the past. rarely do they ever think in the present. it is often easier for them to drift off into a daze either thinking about what could have been or everything that could be.

☰ chiron in fifth house indicates pain associated with creative passions and self-expression. one may have had negative experiences that have led them to feel insecure about these aspects of life; thus leading them to distance themselves from openly expressing themselves creatively. they may take great care to keep their works of art private, tone down certain parts of their personality, and may even feel ashamed to explain themselves when others ask them about certain aspects of their creative and self-expression because of negative feedback they could have gotten in the past.

but with such pain comes empathy and understanding. once developed, these natives are the first to take notice and are the fastest to lend a sensitive ear as well as a supportive hand as soon as they see others going through the same struggle.

☱ sun-lilith in harsh aspects might have been told to cover up more by both peers and grown-ups, even when wearing "acceptable" clothing when they were kids. this placement can indicate an individual that was more sexualized from a young age, which can lead to them either being hypersexual or overly-reserved sexually in adulthood.

☲ lilith in the 7th house can indicate an individual that struggles to commit and open up about who they are to their partner/s. people with lilith in this house may have had bad experiences with marriage (perhaps witnessing bad divorces or tumultuous long-term relationships between their parents) and therefore might be turned off by the thought of marriage and/or long-term partnerships.

and though this doesn't mean that the native will be a lone soul forever, it does make one more likely to have these sort of relationships at a significantly older age in comparison to other signs.

[tw: mention of domestic violence in my personal experience, i have witnessed my parents go through an incredibly bad separation (tons of emotional abuse, infidelity, and a situation actually involving domestic violence) which has honestly made me quite hesitant to get married, even as i approach my mid-20s.]

☴ the cancer rising urge to cry when someone you care about is crying or in distress in general.

☴ a few asteroid notes:

note: asteroids are less impactful to one's personality, physicality, etc. compared to personal planets. they tend to only be relevant to one's chart if they are either in a tight orb (0-1°) or have major aspects to personal planets, preferably conjunctions or oppositions.

✢ messalina (545) known as the most promiscuous woman in rome, empress messalina is still recognized today as a symbol of uncontrolled, violent, irrational, and impulsive behavior. this asteroid reminds me very much of lilith in that it is representative of dark feminine energy and having this prominent in one's chart can be indicative of an individual that is not afraid to use their sexuality to their advantage or to create harm unto others in different aspects of their lives, but especially in terms of romantic and sexual relationships.

✢ anagolay (3757) is an potentially hazardous asteroid named after anagolay, the tagalog goddess of lost things and the daughter of the hermaphroditic goddess of seasons, lakapati. she is culturally-recognized for her ability to find not only physical objects but also abstract possessions like lost opportunities and faded memories. having this prominent in one's chart can suggest an individual that is very in-tune with cycle of nature and the subsequent passage of time. they may be more sensitive to bouts of nostalgia where they dwell on things that could have been and the way that things were. may also just indicate a person that is hypersensitive to losing physical things, though.

[`] film: go (2001) dir. isao yukisada

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[starkwlkr]

the perfect dad | lewis hamilton

warnings: child loss, depression, online hate (if these topics are sensitive to you, please don’t read, your health is much more important!!)

The day Y/n and Lewis met, it felt magical, those were her exact words. It was 2008, a year after his F1 debut. Y/n, at the time, didn’t know anything about the sport other than the cars go really fast and there’s a world champion every year. She worked as a presenter alongside Natalie Pinkham. It took one interview for Lewis Hamilton to fall in love with Y/n L/n. After their interview, Lewis asked her out and from then on, they were named the paddock’s it couple.

Their relationship was made public after Lewis won his first championship and kissed Y/n on live tv. It became a regular occurrence for them. After every race win, Lewis would be interviewed by his girlfriend and interrupt her for a kiss.

The year was 2011 and after three years of dating, Lewis had proposed to Y/n and of course she said yes. The wedding was small with only close family and friends attending. Their perfect family was slowly forming and that’s all they could ever hope for.

Five months after the wedding, Y/n and Lewis found out the incredible news. They were going to be parents to a little boy or girl. Lewis immediately started buying baby related items and asked his father and brother for help on the nursery even if Y/n had no visible bump yet.

“We’re going to be parents!” Lewis kissed Y/n’s lips as he held the pregnancy test in his hands.

“The baby is going to be so loved.” Y/n smiled.

Everything was going perfectly fine. Y/n and Lewis went to all the checkups, Y/n read any books in order to prepare while Lewis dealt with baby proofing their entire house. They were more than ready for Baby Hamilton.

When the day finally came, Y/n was scared. She held onto Lewis’ hand tightly as the doctors and nurses motivated her to push. Her body ached and sweat began to form on her face.

“You can do this, love, you’re the strongest woman I know. Think about our little baby. They’ll be here soon.” Lewis whispered in her ear then gave her a kiss.

“Lew, I’m tired.” Y/n replied, breathing heavily.

“I know and I’m so sorry I can’t take your pain away. You can do this, Y/n, just a few more pushes.” Lewis said.

It felt like forever, but Baby Hamilton had finally arrived, the only problem was that neither Y/n or Lewis heard any baby cries. Y/n looked over at Lewis, who was just as confused as his wife.

“Where’s our baby, Lewis? I can’t hear them.” Y/n started to sit up, but the nurses told her calm down and sit back down. “No, I want my baby. Where are you taking them?”

Lewis instantly knew what had happened. Baby Hamilton didn’t even take their first breath. Lewis took his wife into his arms and let her cry as the doctors took their baby away.

“Our baby. . .” Y/n sobbed as Lewis held her. His heart had broken into millions of pieces. Why did it have to happen to him and Y/n?

For six months, Y/n stayed in her and Lewis’ room. She became a stranger. She skipped out races making the media believe that her and Lewis had divorced. Everytime a friend or family member reached out to her, she would push them away. Lewis tried his hardest to talk to her, but she would either kick him out of their room or leave the house then return an hour later.

It was supposed to be Baby Hamilton’s seventh month when Lewis finally got Y/n out of the house. Y/n had apologized to her husband for pushing him away when they were both grieving the loss of their baby.

“Baby Hamilton is with us always.” Lewis showed Y/n a tattoo that he had recently gotten last weekend. It was Baby Hamilton’s birth date along with a tiny heart. The tattoo was on his wrist so whenever he missed his child, which was often, he looked down at the ink and remember them.

“I love you, Lewis.”

After their talk, Y/n and Lewis got changed and dressed to go out to a restaurant to eat. It wasn’t one of those fancy ones that Lewis took Y/n whenever it was an birthday or anniversary or just because he felt like it. It was a small restaurant that sold vegan food that both Lewis and Y/n loved so much.

“Taste this,” Y/n held up her sandwich for Lewis to taste. He took one bite and stole the sandwich from Y/n’s hands. “Hey! You ordered the wrap!”

“But this one tastes good too! I’ll order you another one, love.” Lewis got up and walked to the counter to order another sandwich. While he was gone, Y/n could hear camera clicks and saw flashing lights from the corner of her eye. Paparazzi had found them. Of course every celebrity hated paparazzi, but Y/n absolutely despised them.

She felt uncomfortable as her body had obviously changed from the pregnancy and from her not taking good care of it after. She tried to ignore it, but soon some paparazzi had yelled out her name. It was impossible to ignore now.

“Y/n! You look different! Tell Lewis to order you more food, you look skinny!”

That was all it took for her to start crying.

When Lewis returned, he saw the paparazzi outside. “Let’s go home, come on.” He said and took off his hoodie. He gave the hoodie to Y/n and as she put it on, he asked a waiter for boxes to take their food home. “Ignore them, we’ll be home soon.”

As they left the restaurant, the paparazzi got more pictures of Y/n hiding her face from the camera. It was clear that she had lost tons of weight after the pregnancy. As Lewis opened the car door for her, a man called out for Y/n once again.

“Mate, fuck off.” Lewis said and walked to his side of the car. On their way home, Y/n ranted to Lewis about how the paparazzi makes her feel and him being the best husband, he listened to every word she had to say.

When they arrived home, Y/n walked into the house, Lewis slowly followed her. He was picturing them coming home from lunch of dinner with Baby Hamilton in a stroller. That was his version of a great day.

“It’s too quiet here, Lew. I don’t like it.” Y/n sighed.

“I know, I’m sorry.” Lewis grabbed her hand and together they walked to their shared bedroom. Baby Hamilton’s nursery was right across from their bedroom. It remained untouched ever since Lewis and his father finished painting the walls and installing the furniture.

“We are going to get through this, Lewis Hamilton. I know we are.” Y/n faced her husband.

A new year came and so did new changes. Y/n still remained with returned back to work with Sky Sports F1 and Lewis was still with Mercerdes. After every race, Lewis would look down at his wrist and see the date that belonged to Baby Hamilton.

“Well Lewis, it’s been a hectic week for you, where to start, but firstly I want to ask about something the fans noticed you’ve been doing at every race and that is you kiss your wrist before getting into your car. Is there any meaning behind that?” A lady from ESPN asked him during the Monza Grand Prix.

“There is a meaning and it’s something only my wife and I know about. It’s something to represent that my child, who is now looking down at me, is always with me. It’s to represent that no matter what, I’m always going to be their dad.” Lewis proudly stated.

Y/n watched from a tv inside the Mercedes hospitality as her husband was being interviewed. The couple had talked about announcing Baby Hamilton before since during the pregnancy, no one other than close friends and family knew. Lewis wanted to make sure Y/n was okay with announcing it before anything else.

After Lewis was done with his interview, the tv changed to another interview happening live. Y/n knew it would be a while before Lewis returned so she went onto twitter to distract her mind, which was the wrong move.

Her name was trending after the paparazzi photos of her and Lewis were finally posted. Mean twitter users were pointing out how skinny and tired she looked.

formula1facts this is hamilton’s wife?😂

paddockinsider someone give her a burger

lolurnotmichaelschumacher Lewis finds her attractive?? get this man glasses or something

Her mentions were all about her body. Every single one of them were how she had changed. Without thinking, she went to her settings and pressed the ‘delete account’ option.

Y/n and Lewis continued with their lives, occasionally having breakdowns when they remembered how their child was taken from them too soon. But that didn’t mean Y/n and Lewis stopped calling themselves parents. They were still a mom and a dad, their child was just waiting for them in the sky.

One day, Lewis had the bright idea to bring up a solution to the quietness in their house. A dog. The couple was laying in bed in a hotel since the Singapore Grand Prix was just a few days away.

“A dog? Are you sure we’re ready to have a dog? We travel like crazy and who would take care of them when you and I can’t?” Y/n asked.

“Dad could or we could just bring them on the road with us. Everyone loves dogs.” Lewis said.

“Something tells me you already have one in mind. Did you adopt a dog and didn’t tell me?” Y/n chuckled.

“Not really. But I can ask around.”

Lewis did just that. Eventually he did find the perfect dog for him and his wife. After the 2013 season ended, Lewis took a well needed vacation with Y/n where he would surprise her with their dog. When Y/n met the dog, she was in love.

“What their name?” Y/n asked as she scratched the dog’s belly.

“Roscoe.”

Roscoe became a family member. He wasn’t ‘just a dog’. He traveled with Lewis and Y/n, ate with them, slept on their bed. He was their second child. A few months after adopting Roscoe, Coco came into their lives. Both Y/n and Lewis treated the dogs as if they were their own kids because in a way, they were.

Often Lewis would show Roscoe and Coco the ultrasound pictures of Baby Hamilton and would tell them how excited he was to be a dad. Y/n would smile so much as how Lewis talked to their dogs. It didn’t matter if they were a dog or an actual baby, Lewis Hamilton was the perfect dad.

[aaagustd]

room for two | jjk: prologue

a series from the "Misfit Parents Collection"

⌞banner and dividers by @itaeewon

title: room for two

pairing: heir/retired boxer!jeon jungkook x single mother!reader

genre/rating: angst, slow burn, eventual smut, strangers to lovers, ceo!jungkook, divorced!reader, aged up characters (in their mid thirties), surrogacy/pregnancy au; 18+

summary: As you signed the contract, you thought all your problems were solved—and so did he. However, no one can predict what life will throw your way. 

Despite your prejudices, this journey will reveal that the bond you share goes deeper than your womb.

wc: 1.7k

warnings: alcohol consumption, mentions a sh*tty parent, character death, borderline inappropriate workplace relationships but nothing has exactly happened, swearing, mentions boxing & knockouts, people either like jungkook or they hate him, let me know if i missed anything 

release date: april 26th, 2024; 10:50pm est

note: the prologue is here !! i hope you all are ready for this ride. it's been a two year journey for me and i'm so happy you all get to join me. we have a lot to cover and so many people to meet. i hope you're ready !!

series masterlist | main masterlist | inbox | join the taglist? | read on ao3

One year ago.

The doors open to reveal the setting sun on the horizon. Shades of orange and red paint the sky as the faint presence of stars patiently awaits the giant orb's departure. 

Jungkook steps out into the crisp evening air without regard for the gusts that violently displace his perfectly styled bangs. 

His urgent steps have nothing to do with the conditions. After a long and exhausting day, he tends to enjoy a nippy pre-spring breeze. 

When he approaches the exit, his energy is almost completely drained. The first step he takes out of the building is like an instant charge, and the wind hitting his face is like a slap that brings him back to reality.

If that isn't enough to wake up his brain, the sharpness of his security personnel's tone will surely have him alert. 

Two men of large stature guide him to his Porsche. He can only imagine the twinkle in his eyes when they land on his baby—resting idly while she waits for him to claim his rightful seat behind the wheel.

Jungkook nearly bypasses his guards as he takes excited strides toward his vehicle. However, a muscular bicep forms a barricade directly in front of the young CEO, reminding him of the dangers of wandering ahead of them in public. 

Only authorized staff are allowed on the premises. Still, even a company as large as Sport's 5 cannot dictate who stands on a public sidewalk. Fortunately, most of the people who choose to spend their time out here are harmless. However, he still understands the importance of safety.

Some people are so desperate they'd do anything to get a picture with the Big 5—a panel Jungkook used to sit on before being offered an executive position. 

Sport's 5 comprises five individuals who have had exceptional professional sports careers. These are mainly retired sportsmen and women who still love the game.

Jungkook was offered a seat at the table before he could properly hang up his gloves. Everyone wanted to know his story, his input and opinions, and his firsthand account of the KO he delivered right to Joey "The Rhino" Reese.

Although it was the best highlight of his career, he's never publicly spoken on that night out of respect for the legend and his family. It'd be pointless to keep retelling the events when they're online for everyone to see. 

Despite keeping his mouth shut about the fall of an icon, he still receives his share of hate from the boxer's diehard fans.

"Coward!"

He hears a man shouting insults from across the street, but most of his words are inaudible due to the distance. It can't be anything good because a family walking by promptly covers their child's ears every time the man opens his mouth.

Like on any other occasion, Jungkook shrugs off the spew of hate and gets into his car, wishing security a safe night. The engine roars as he pushes start. The sound of purring grasps one of the men's attention, and he turns around with a point, a silent compliment that Jungkook accepts with a nod as he speeds away.

With only headlights in his rearview mirror, Jungkook zooms through the city—wondering where his journey will take him. After the day he's had, home seems like a great option, but he isn't in the mood to spend a weeknight surrounded by silence in a large penthouse.

So, he drives downtown, aiming for any bar without a crowd. That shouldn't be too hard. Most people have work tomorrow, and they aren't in the mood for a party, and neither is he. 

A distraction is all he needs to ease his restless mind.

He reaches the heart of the city and parks near the curb. Heads turn as he exits his vehicle, wondering who he could be. With his shades on and natural hair color, it's hard for people to recognize his identity these days. 

Still, everyone is captivated by the car he steps out of. They could care less about his appearance. The real attention grabbers are the wealth that oozes from his body and his Porsche. Without money, he's just another guy.

Jungkook adjusts his suit as he scopes out the area. He notices the establishment across from him has upbeat music blasting through the speakers. Judging by the people lined up, waiting to get in—it's more of a nightclub than a lounge.

He sighs as he eliminates one place after another, eventually deciding to walk the strip and see what it offers. 

He nearly misses it as he strolls aimlessly, but tucked in the corner—dark and rustic—is just what he's been searching for.

Somewhere laid back and secluded; just somewhere you go for a drink and maybe a few rounds of pool.

He can count the number of occupants in there on one hand, so before anyone can figure out who he is, he steps inside and removes his glasses. He scans the room and acknowledges those who randomly lock eyes with him.

Jungkook can't help but admire the way this place is set up. The outside doesn't do it any justice; he can't even remember the name on the sign. He'll have to check on his way out; tell some of his colleagues to visit so it can gain some more customers.

He'll have to look into that another time, though. He wants to spend only a little time here, so he makes his way to the bar. 

Two women stand on each side; one is at the register printing someone's bill, and the other is already waiting for him to order.

The greeting he receives is warm and sincere. One you will only find in a few places. He offers a smile, the best he can give, at least.

"Hey. Just a Jack & Coke for me," he replies.

With a slight nod, the bartender begins preparing his drink. 

While Jungkook waits, he starts going through his phone, checking texts he missed while he was up to his neck in paperwork.

Most of them are from associates, his trainer, and…

His assistant?

The number isn't saved because he hasn't used it, but he sees the name in a previous message—letting him know he's speaking with the woman he hired four months ago.

6:54 pm (###) ###-####: Hi! I think I dropped my earring in your car when we grabbed lunch today. Can you check?

He doesn't have to.

Jungkook saw when the earring "fell" between the center console and the passenger seat. It happened right after its owner dropped it there. 

He can't help but laugh at the whole thing. Had he remembered, he would have said something immediately, but he has to admit that the low-cut blouse was a great choice. He can't count how many red lights he almost ran, sneaking glances.

Usually, he has no problem keeping things professional, but with all the flirting and teasing over the last few weeks, the temptation is becoming a bit unbearable. 

Maybe he should take a detour on the way home and return the "lost" item.

7:49 pm Him: I'll look in a few

After he sends the message, his drink is placed before him, and he abandons his phone without hesitation.

"Tab or no?"

"No, love. That's it for me.."

He places a twenty-dollar bill on the bar and pushes it toward the woman behind the counter.

"Keep what's left," he insists.

She takes the cash and walks to the register, leaving him alone to sip his liquor and bob his head to some classic rock.

As soon as the glass touches his lip, he takes a large sip, and regret washes over his entire body.

"What the—"

"Don't drink that," the other bartender whispers sharply.

She rushes over and takes the glass from his hand, instantly replacing it with a new one.

"She's trying, but…"

Jungkook understands entirely. She's still learning. Everyone's been there, even him.

"Don't worry about it," he insists. "Let me grab my wallet—"

She declines.

"It's on me, sweetheart."

Before he can argue, she walks away and disappears with the horrible drink her coworker made.

Despite the little hiccup, Jungkook is glad he found this little gem. It seems like a nice place for a good time, but also somewhere to unwind. There's a bar, a dance floor, a billiards table—and whoever is in charge of the music has great taste.

He'll definitely be back, maybe even tomorrow.

The next sip he takes does exactly what it's supposed to do. "Goddamn it."

The liquor makes his mouth and throat tingle as it travels into his body. He can feel his body relaxing already. Now, all he needs is a shower and—

His phone buzzes in his pocket, snapping him out of his thoughts. 

Once again, the number is unknown. 

Jungkook intends to ignore it, but his thumb accidentally presses accept. He stares at the screen in disbelief as he hears the faint sound of someone's voice on the other end of the call.

Slowly, he brings it to his ear and acknowledges the caller.

"Hello?"

"Hi, son."

Great, this is just what he needs right now. A call from his father, someone who basically disowned him for chasing the same dream that led to his wealth and success. 

"Yeah, I'm kind of busy. Can I call you back?"

He lies so he can end the call. There isn't a drink here that can give him enough strength to put up with this man. He can't deal with this tonight, and he won't.

"Hold on!" he shouts through the phone, making Jungkook release a defeated sigh. 

He's entirely prepared to hang up in his father's face if he has to, but he'll entertain him for a few more seconds.

"Look, I don't know who pumped your balls up so large that you have the audacity to call me, but—"

"It's your grandfather, Jungkook."

There's a pause.

There is a long, dreadful pause. It's as if Jungkook already knows what he's about to say, and unfortunately, his instinct is right.

"He's dead."

[pocketsizedquasar]

TPOC-Prioritized writings on anti-transmasculinity / transandrophobia

transandrophobia / anti-transmasculinity are both theories that have been spearheaded primarily by trans poc, particularly Black transmascs and transfemmes.

unfortunately, as with Everything created by queer and trans poc, particularly Black queer ppl, white trans ppl (regardless of gender, and regardless of whether they "believe" in this form of oppression or not) have coopted these theories and dominated these conversations, such that both "sides" of the "discourse" are divorced entirely from the racial connotations in which these theories were created, and the ways in which they were created specifically as an intervention against white feminism, and to highlight the ways multiple marginalizations affect the marginalization of masculinity. these are theories that explicitly interact with and can only be understood in conjunction with transmisogyny, as well as other oppressions like racism and misogynoir.

*"anti-transmasculinity" as a term and theory was coined by Black trans folks (some of whom's writings are linked below), and is specifically a theory within the context of Black transfeminism antiBlackness, and transmisogynoir, and cannot be divorced from that context. i try be very intentional about my use of the terms 'anti-transmasculinity' and 'transandrophobia' in different places here, because i do not want to dilute the former’s very particular context.

anyway, here's a list of miscellaneous writings on the subjects, with a priority for collecting writing from trans poc (not all of the authors are tpoc, but this list was intended to prioritize tpoc voices). the intention of this is not to be a be-all end-all on the subject, nor exalt any one of these individuals or pieces as exclusively ~correct~ or whatever, but to combat the whitewashed nature of these discussions online, and raise awareness to the myriad of people speaking on this subject. (nor do i claim to speak for any of them, or claim that any of them speak for me. i tried to make sure i didn't platform blatant racists, zionists, transmisogynists, or other bigots, but i'm not pretending to be 100% accurate about that.)

they aren't in any particular order (except the first one, which i think is an extremely foundational text for anti-transmasculinity theory as delineated by its creators, within the context of antiblackness and transmisogyny, and necessary reading to understand anti-transmasculinity as a theory). I tried to group all the links from the same authors together.

This is a non-exhaustive list! I will likely come back and add more writings as I find them. please feel free to recommend to me any works to include (including your own! especially if you yourself are a Black trans person or a trans POC).

Now with an Archived Read-more Link!

Racial-Class Paternalism and the Trojan Horse of Anti-transmasculinity by Nsámbu Za Suékama. if you read nothing else from this list, read this.

“But even as TME struggles escape the mainstream imagination, they persist, and are often both fueling and being fueled by the war on trans women and transfeminine people. Nothing makes this clearer than in how a Western binary system triangulates that war with Anti-transmasculinity. This is why I say that Anti-transmasculinity is a Trojan horse for Transmisogyny. Like the wooden horse in the Greek myth, it might not seem like what it is, for its actual contents and character are invisible, but at the heart of it, there is a violent campaign going on that is key to how the West aims to lay seige to its civilizational "enemies." And, like the walls of the city of Troy, materialist transfeminism has fortified the opposition to Western domination, in such a way that to overcome the stronghold requires a new strategy for the Man, one that follows up the open and vicious attacks on TMA people with a different, more hidden form of warfare.”

“today’s gender paternalism frames any manhood and masculine embodiment outside of (western) cisheteronormativity as not just biologically illegitimate but also the result of a barbaric threat to civilization. And who typically figures as the face of that barbarism but the Black trans woman? Materialist transfeminism has to theorize Anti-transmasculinity.”

"Non-Men", maGes, and Black Masculinities by genderfugitive / disrupthehuman

One such argument, which is really a collection of arguments but can be consolidated into one, is that trans men are attempting to take a place alongside cis men in the hierarchy of patriarchy. In other words, while they may not have been so before naming themselves as trans men, they are aspiring to be oppressors. This employs a number of rhetorical devices that I have identified before including the idea that trans men are “betraying” cis womanhood and therefore should be seen as threats unless they act as footsoldiers for transmisogyny. The problem with this is that it treats trans manhoods as embodiments that exist as something which merely aspires to be cis manhood.

"For Those Seeking Fight or Flight: Black Trans*feminist Nihilism" / primer on transmisogynoir by genderfugitive / disrupthehuman (not about anti-transmaculinity specifically (though it does come up), but a very good + important read on Black transfeminism & transmisogynoir, so I'm including it)

anti-transmasculinity needs its own theorizing outside of general "transphobia" by genderfugitive / disrupthehuman

anti-transmasculinity & antiblackness inherently linked (& another) both by genderfugitive / disrupthehuman

There is a hidden epidemic of violence against transmasculine people by Orion Rodriguez

a thread master post linking to multiple threads about anti transmasculinity by Salem L. Void / thewarmvoid

a thread on anti-transmasculinity as an epistemic injustice (translated) originally by magicspeedwagon in French; English translation by Salem L. Void / thewarmvoid

Not transmasc invisibility, but erasure by Salem L. Void / thewarmvoid

Girlboy Boygirl Blues - antitransmasculinity as a denial of individual history & more by Salem L. Void / thewarmvoid

"irl we just kiss" - ‘transmasc vs transfem’ discourse & reactionary ‘boys vs girls’ politics in trans spaces by Salem L. Void / thewarmvoid

transmascs & being treated as predatory by Salem L. Void / thewarmvoid

transmasc mental health statistics by Salem L. Void / thewarmvoid

violent anti-transmasculine hate crimes by Salem L. Void / thewarmvoid

thread on examples of systemic anti-transmasculinity by magicspeedwagon

a thread on anti-transmasculinity and its erasure by storyjunkie

anti transmasculinity & transmisogyny and the degendering of Black people by afrodykee

anti transmasculinity & transmisogyny cannot be theorized in opposition to each other by afrodykee

white transfeminism's anti-transmasculinity by afrodykee

Black trans people & erasure of TPOC voices from the trans community by thatspookyagent

transmasculine nonwhite expereince by thatspookyagent

trans men being silenced by thatspookyagent

queer POC being pushed out of conversations by thatspookyagent

cis women's harm to trans men by novascotioducktoller w/ addition about TMOC by thatspookyagent

medical violence in anti transmasculinity by Caleb / sethpuertoluna

example of medical anti transmasculinity by Dominick / transguyenergy

response to inclusion of a trans man in an ad (thread) by Dominick / transguyenergy

anti-transmasculinity around periods by Dominick / transguyenergy

anti-transmasculinity towards pregnant trans men by Dominick / transguyenergy

transitioning as a transmasc of color by gendercriminals

white (cis) women & racist transandrophobia by dead-lavender-society

transandrophobia as an indigenous trans man by petrichorvoices

examples of transandrophobia by transvermin

the “lost lesbian” narrative & antitransmasculinity by vaguefiend

cis women & transandrophobia by vaguefiend

intersectionality & transandrophobia by visible-schizo-spectrum

more transandrophobia from cis women by cock-holliday

tl;dr : there’s LOTS of theory and discussions out there abt anti-transmasculinity, transandrophobia, how these things relate to other forms of transphobia, how it interacts with other marginalizations, most especially race, and the ways in which it affects transmascs. this information is everywhere. it’s out there. y’all (white ppl) are just refusing to engage with it.

[astrobiscuits]

Asteroids you should check out in Solar Return chart part 1

Hii, i'm backk all :3

Before i start today's post, i'd like to thank each and everyone one of you who engaged with my last post! Your support means the world to me <33

I was really shy to start posting and i postponed it for a long time lol

Anyway, back to astro business🪐

(The first asteroid observation is inspired by one of @a-d-nox post's)

🌹 Asteroids Orpheus (3361) and Eurydike (75) indicate the year you’re gonna get engaged or married.

If the aspect is positive (trine, sextile) then it indicates marrying one of your greatest loves, but it will eventually end in divorce. If the aspect is negative (opposite, square) then the marriage is doomed from the beginning and it will still end up in divorce. The girls (for some reason i noticed it's only relevant in your chart if you're a female? idk why tho) who don’t have an exact aspect (0-3 degree orb) between these 2 asteroids in any year in their solar return chart may still get married, but it won’t be a passionate love marriage and it’s much more likely for it to last a long time.

(For the next asteroids, check if they aspect SR Sun, Moon, ASC, DSC, IC, MC, Venus, Mars or Mercury)

⚰️ Having asteroid Grieve (4451) prominent in solar return chart indicates a year when someone important to you will die.

It gives you information about the way you process this person’s death. It may also indicate just a great loss, even if the person hasn’t died in the physical realm (for ex. a difficult break-up).

Story time! (nobody asked me lol)

Back in 2021 i used to talk with this guy online, we were in a "long-distance relationship" even if soon after i realised i just got attached to him strongly and i didn't actually have romantic feelings for him. It lasted around 5 months which is a lot for me (i've got Sagittarius Venus y'all, i'm noncommittal af). Even if i've been wanting for the relationship to end for a long time, when it actually ended, i had a very hard time moving on from him. Turns out i had Grieve conjunct my Sun in 3rd house that year, which was also opposing my 9th house Uranus. I'm honestly glad i'm over it now.

⭐ I noticed nobody has been mentioning this asteroid yet, but having Zdislava (5275) proeminent in solar return chart is a big indicator of becoming famous that year.

Zdislava is a Czech girl name which literally translates to "created with glory". It is the feminine form of Zdislav, which was duke of Croatia in the late 9th century.

⭐ Of course, you can also check asteroid Fama (408) which is, well, self-explanatory.

Having Zdislava/Fama asteroid conjuncting your SR Mars would make you gain fame suddenly, basically wake up the next day famous lulz. You might also be known for your drive, never giving up attitude or you might become popular in the sport industry that year (it does depend on the sign it is in tho).

Having Zdislava/Fama asteroid conjuncting your SR Venus would make you famous for your looks. You will attract the attention of the opposite sex quite easily that year. You might also become famous in the fashion industry or in the arts.

That's all for today folks!! Soon i will start to give paid readings, so follow me if you don't wanna miss it <3

[zfiledh]

Headcanons: The Owl House

In no particular order:

Luz and Camila took Amity, Hunter, Gus and Willow to Comic Con dressed like characters from Cosmic Frontier. They actually got to meet the creator(s) of Cosmic Frontier, who were very bemused by Gus and Hunter asking a multitude of questions and Gus’ warning about the giraffes. Luz and Amity got to hang out with fans of The Good Witch Azura.

After the Collector installed the new portal door, Jacob Hopkins managed to get out of jail and attempted to sneak into the house. The last anyone heard from Jacob, he was trying to set up an online fundraiser to get home from Mars (when he really was sent to a place called Quinhagak, Alaska.)

Months after Belos fell, Alador and Odalia divorced. Odalia tried to revive their original arms business, but it fell flat. Amity, Edric and Emira never spoke to her again.

Masha learned the truth about Vee and the Demon Realm. In fact, they’re one of the first humans to attend Gus’ Human Student Exchange Program.

Some sketchy ex-Coven Heads (the Potions Head, Terra, & Adrian) and Kikimora attempted to take over the Boiling Isles and replace the vacancy left by Belos. This was quickly thwarted by the B.A.T.T.s C.A.T.T.s and the Hexside squad and a thorough investigation and trial took place. Unsurprisingly, Odalia was also implicated in the plot because of the subpar Abomotons that were used. The plotters and Odalia were banished from the Boiling Isles and sent to Titan Trapper Island to live out their sentence. Kikimora worked out a plea deal and that’s how she was found working with Matt Tholomule to rebuild Bonesborough.

Eda and her dad have a better relationship these days, to Gwendolyn’s delight. Dell and Gwendolyn have also doted on King and Hunter. In fact, Eda was the one who introduced Hunter to Dell after Luz mentioned that Hunter wanted to learn how to carve Palismen.

A delegation was sent to Titan Trapper Island, and Bill is no longer the leader there. Tarak was appointed as the new leader and he promised that he and his people will not to go after the last Titan (King). It also helped that The Collector was included in that delegation to seal the deal and promised to build a portal between the two islands if the Titan Trappers behaved...and changed their way of dressing and the name of their island.

Lilith unlocked her harpy form the same way Eda did: with cookies made by Hooty. However, it wasn’t as “smooth” as Eda’s transformation, but with the help from Eda, Gwendolyn, and Camila, she was able to take control of her transformations. Hooty was also temporarily banned from the kitchen. Right after she managed this, Lilith showed off her transformation in front of Flora.

Luz told Eda what Papa Titan told her, and Eda felt honored. Though Eda was a bit offended about the Titan questioning her homemade apple blood recipe.

The Therapy Coven had never been busy after the fall of Belos. Hunter and Raine in particular spent some time with them because of the shared trauma of possession by Belos.

Hunter elected to stay with Darius, though he's always welcome with the Nocedas back in the Human Realm, with the Parks, the Blights (minus Odalia), Eda, and the senior Clawthornes.

Willow introduced Hunter to her dads after Hunter finished gushing about sewing and wolves with Darius and Eberwolf.

Boscha peaked in high school.

The Bat Queen sensed that there was something about Hunter, and Hunter told her about Flapjack’s sacrifice. After that talk, Hunter also became welcome in The Bat Queen’s forest.

Luz and Amity got more “mundane, slice-of-life dates”, both in the human realm and the demon realm.

The Collector visits King from time to time, and the Hexside squad learned to relax around them and teach them about how to approach people and play other games.

There was an attempt to introduce Camila to the food in the Boiling Isles. Suffice to say, she was only able to eat griffin eggs like Luz, though she found the animals there quite fascinating.

Viney and Jerbo eventually became friends again, to Barkus’ relief. (Barkus knew they would become friends, it was a matter of when.)

Principal Bump officially retired as Principal the following year. That was not the end of his love of education because he spent the next year to reach out to Glandus and St. Epiderm about revising their curriculum and offering multiple magic tracks.

[fhatbhabiee]

Peligro

Javier Gutiérrez x Reader

inspired by the song Peligro by Aventura

word count: 712

warnings: toxic!reader, money mooching!reader, toxic relationship, reader is referred to as the devil, angst, spanish dialect w english translations (no need for the SAP button), told from Javi's POV, divorce

note: i'm fully aware this is something 100% different from all the other stuff on here and i too know it won't be everyone's cup of tea. as i've said before- if you don't like it don't bite it. if you have a problem with this guess what i put as much as i could in the warnings so don't get mad at me bc you refuse to read them. but for those who do read it- i hope you enjoy 🤍

“Javier no se como me siento de tu esposa.” (Javier I don't know how I feel about your wife)

“Mama por favor…” (Mom please…)

“No puedes ver como te trata?” (Can you see how she treats you?)

I leaned back in my chair and let my mind wander. My mother had a point- you weren't the best girl I had been with but you were my wife. I love you.

— • —

I walked into the house, tossing my keys in the small bowl we kept by the door. You must've heard me because you came stomping into the entryway of the house.

“Where have you been?” you called out.

“My mom's house.”

“What about me Javi? What about your wife?”

I let out a small sigh and walked over to you, wrapping my arms around your waist.

“I'm sorry amor. She just wanted to catch up is all.”

“It's not like you don't see her almost every day.” you pulled away from me. “You're such a mama's boy.” you grabbed your purse and the keys to my car before walking out of the front door.

“Where are you going?” I called out as I chased after you. “Amor, wait. How about I take you shopping? To say I'm sorry for being gone all day.”

You stopped and looked over at me. “Really?” you said, eyes literally forming into dollar signs like they did in the cartoons.

“Yes amor. C'mon I'll drive, just tell me where to go.”

We spent hours in the stores, coming out with bags and bags of all the best things you wanted. Anything for my wife. But they were right- the devil does wear Prada. I know because she used my credit card.

That night we laid in bed together. You were asleep as I stayed awake, staring up at the ceiling. My mothers words rang through my ears along with everyone else's. You were dangerous- toxic, manipulative, and a cheater. After thinking about everything you've done to me for almost 3 years, I think love stopped being a reason to still be married to you.

— • —

The next morning I woke up, alone in bed. I got up and saw no sign of you anywhere. I opened your closet and saw that all your clothes and shoes were gone. I quickly ran downstairs and noticed my car keys were not in the bowl.

What else did you take?

I walked into my office and logged into my online bank account. It took a solid minute to log in but that's when I realized all my accounts were drained to zero. I walked back to my bedroom in search of my wallet but it was nowhere to be found. You had taken everything. Taken 3 years of my life, all my money and financial assets, my car-If you could you probably would have taken the house too.

I walked back downstairs, racking my mind with ideas on what the fuck to do, when I saw a stack of papers sitting on the kitchen island. Divorce papers with your wedding rings sitting on top of them. The bright yellow sticky note caught my attention more than anything though.

Me and my boyfriend will be out of the country. If you have any questions, call my attorney.

The word boyfriend hurt more than the divorce papers. I always suspected you of cheating but I thought it was just my imagination. Guess I was wrong.

— • —

“Is there anything else anyone would like to say before we finish here?” my lawyer asked.

“Can I say something?” I asked as I looked over at my now ex wife.

“Go ahead.” you said, leaning back in your seat.

“Que Diosito te mande castigo, que te hagan lo mismo y me pidas perdón. Así yo me rio en tu cara y celebro tu pena por esa traición.” (May God punish you, have him do the same you did to me and you ask me for forgiveness. That way I can laugh in your face and celebrate your embarrassment for that betrayal.)

You chuckled and sat up, leaning against the table. “Que lo sueñas Javier.” (Dream about it Javier.)

“Oh I will.” I got up and walked out of the room, never looking back again.

beta'd: @nerdieforpedro & @ilovepedro thank you ilysm 💕

divider: @saradika-graphics

Masterlist

[privately-andre]

╰┈➤ TEEN GAYS

- Boys (Jongens)

Two teen runner athletes discover their sexualities while forming a beautiful friendship. IMDb: 7.4 My rating: 7/10

- North Sea Texas

Young Pim experiences his firsts with his best friend / next door Gino. IMDb: 7.1 My own Rating: 9/10

Ps: The end scene is incredible ;)

- The Way He Looks

Leonardo is a blind teen. Everything changes when a new boy arrives at school. They form an amazing bond really fast. IMDb: 7.9 My own Rating: 7/10

Ps: the sweatshirt scene !

- Centre Of My World

Phil is a classic twink. He falls in love with the newbie cool boy. IMDb: 7.2 My own Rating: 5/10

Ps: fuck this newbie to be honest.

- Seashore (Beira-Mar)

Two teens travel to countryside just two of them and question their friendship (or their love?) IMDb: 6 My own Rating: 7/10

- Just Friends

Two young men from different cultural backgrounds try to be together without their mothers approval. IMDb : 7.2 My own Rating: 6/10

- Love, Simon

Simon has a secret. He is gay! And he is also in love with an anonymous guy he met online. IMDb: 7.5 My own Rating: 6/10

- Handsome Devil

Ned is gay and he has to share a bedroom with hot rugby player Conor. (They do not become lovers) IMDb: 7 My own Rating: 7/10

- Summer Storm

Tobi realises he is in love with his best friend. This tests their relationship. IMDb: 7.3 My own Rating: 5/10

- Heartstone

A boy falls in love with his best mate in a very homophobic town in Iceland while his best mate falls in love with a girl. IMDb: 7.4 My own Rating: 6/10

Ps: not enough gayness…

- Sublime

Manuel and his friends have an indie band. Then he starts to fall for his band mate Felipe. They are also best friends… IMDb: 6.6 My own Rating: 7/10

Ps: the song used in this movie is so cool also the movie has an open ending.

- Summer of 85 (Été 85)

Alexis’ boats turns upside down when a storm breaks. He is saved by David. Then they start dating. IMDb: 6.9 My own Rating: 6/10

Ps: this movie was hilariously funny to me as a francophone even though it has major character death!

- I Killed My Mother (J’ai tué ma mère)

Hubert is a teen gay and has MASSIVE problems with his mom.. IMDb: 7.4 My own Rating: 7/10

- Prora

Two young boys decide to visit an abandoned Nazi holiday camp called Prora after a great party night. They test their relationship there. IMDb: 7.2 My own Rating: 9/10

Ps: the only bad thing about this movie is that it’s a short film.

- Departure

Elliot and his horny milf mother goes to their holiday house in france after his parent’s divorce. He meets a young french boy there and fucks a carrot. (I know I don’t sound serious :D) IMDb: 6.6 My own Rating: 2/10

Ps: I have no idea why they filmed this it’s so shit. Alex Lawther’s acting is horrible although I love Phénix Brossard here.

- Punch

Jim is a boxer forced by his father. He meets Whetu a gay Māori boy. He discovers his sexuality in the most beautiful way. IMDb: 6.4 My own Rating: 8/10

Ps: Trigger warning ❗️ Rape. (I wish I knew this before watching so I’m warning you)

- As You Are

Set in 1990’s. Young boy Jack falls in love with his new step brother Mark who is a crack head . They become friends with Sarah. These three kids go through rough times. IMDb: 6.5 My own Rating: 5/10

Ps: Acting is good but the plot is not well build.

[ghostflowerdreams]

The Lost Boys (1987) Novel

Ever wonder what extra details or differences about the characters, scenes or what was left out when it comes to its novelization and the film? If not, I hope I made you curious enough to find out.

The Lost Boys by Craig Shaw Gardner, is a novelization of the 1987 American supernatural horror film directed by Joel Schumacher.

A mother and her two sons move to a small coast town in California. The town is plagued by bikers and some mysterious deaths. The younger boy, Sam, makes friends with two other boys, the Frogg brothers, who claim to be vampire hunters. Meanwhile the older boy, Michael, is drawn into the gang of bikers by a beautiful girl named Star. Michael starts sleeping days and staying out all night while Sam starts getting into trouble because of his friends' obsession.

This book has been out of print for over two decades and is a rare, highly sought-after item within this film's massive cult following. At the time I write this the prices for the physical book ranges from $300-$500. Even a previously used one can run up to $100 or more. You're best best is to stick to a digital format, which I heard there's a free PDF version somewhere online.

It's only 220 pages long and despite being so short it's a novelization that's pretty faithful to what was on screen. It even includes several scenes that were later dropped from the film, such as Michael working at the beach as a trash collector. The roles of the opposing gang, the Surf Nazis, who were seen as nameless victims of the vampires was actually expanded upon. It also included several tidbits of vampire lore, such as not being able to cross running water and salt sticking to their forms.

Anyway, here are my notes and thoughts about it, along with what I've learned from the novelization about the characters, their fictional world and whatnot.

Why did the Lucy, Michael and Sam Emerson move to Santa Carla, California?

"His mother had explained it to him [Michael] until he had practically memorized the words. Even after their little scandal his father was still a pretty important person in their part of town. There was no way they could stay in Phoenix [Arizona] without running into him. He didn’t want the kids, and Mom didn’t want him. So Michael and Mom were on their way to Santa Carla, along with brother Sam, dog Nanook, and all their worldly goods.

Their grandfather lived in Santa Carla. From now on they would stay with him."

It's never outright mention, but strongly implied that the scandal is that his dad was having an affair. Well, that's what I think because an affair would indicate premeditation or deliberate intent over a period of time, while cheating is usually a one-time event.

This would probably explain why Lucy's financial situation wasn't improved after the divorce. There was no repairing the relationship, especially if it's an affair. She just wanted the divorce to be done with as quickly as possible and have full custody of her sons, even if it meant she wouldn't get a fair amount for child support.

Fun Fact: Santa Carla is a fictional quintessential beach town, located in California. It was actually based on and filmed at Santa Cruz, however the name, Santa Carla is actually an anagram of Santa Clara.

Fun Fact 2: Santa Cruz also earned the moniker "Murder Capital of the World," because of the town's real life history with serial killers in the '70s. The film borrows that aspect from Santa Cruz as well.

Director Joel Schumacher thought the location fits so well for the fictional world of the Lost Boys' vampires.

"The movie didn't come together until I saw it [Santa Cruz]," he told the Santa Cruz Sentinel. "At the time, there was an enormous amount of transient kids moving through Santa Cruz. This is exactly where I would come if I was a teenage vampire." [x]

Fun Fact 3: In real life, a trip by car from Phoenix to Santa Cruz takes about 11 hours. I was curious about how long it would've taken for Lucy, Michael and Sam Emerson to drive all the way to Santa Carla. So I imagine it'll be about the same amount of time in the fictional world too. This is also good to know if you want to be super accurate or better plot out your Lost Boys fanfiction. XD

Also, in 1987 the average retail price of gas was $0.90 cents per gallon. [x]

Fun Fact 4: The most iconic part of the Santa Cruz boardwalk is the wooden red-and-white tracks of the Giant Dipper, which was feature in The Lost Boys and among other medias.

The Giant Dipper was built in just 47 days at a cost of $50,000. Today, labor and materials for merely painting the Giant Dipper are estimated around $300,000. It also now costs a little more to ride the classic coaster compared to May 17, 1924, when the Giant Dipper opened to the public. The fare then was 15 cents; today (as of 2023) it’s $8.00 per ride.

On February 27, 1987, the Giant Dipper and the Looff Carousel (which was also in the film) was designated a National Historic Landmark. I tried to find the fare during that time period, but the closest I could get was an old article from Los Angeles Times which mention that the fare for the Giant Dipper was $2.00 in August 12, 1990. [x]

What is the name of Michael and Sam's father?

We don't know in the film, but the readers find out that his name is Lance.

Did you know that the Lost Boys entrance scene in the novelization differs from the film?

And then the Lost Boys walked in. Another gang, a lot better dressed than the Surf Nazis, but still a gang. Their leader, a tall, blond fellow named David, walked up and got right on the slowly moving carousel. The ride was almost over. The other Lost Boys followed him on. And as they spun around, Shelly managed to smile in David’s direction. David smiled back and nodded his head slightly in greeting, a polite gesture, the sort of friendly nod you might see a hundred times in the course of a day. Greg didn’t think so. He scowled at his girlfriend and jumped up from his seat. He took a couple steps in the Boys’ direction, but the other gang was moving too. No, not to face Greg. He realized they were going to go by him as if he weren’t even there. Greg stood up and said something that wasn’t exactly flattering. He shoved the Lost Boy out of the way. But now David was there. The calliope played on. Waltzing Matilda. The Surf Nazis joined Greg. Waltzing Matilda. The Lost Boys closed ranks as well. If the Surf Nazis wanted a fight, they were ready. Won’t you go a-waltzing, Matilda, with me. Greg stared at David. David took a half step forward. He found a nightstick pressed against his Adam’s apple. David let his eyes follow the nightstick down to a beefy hand, attached to the body of Big Ed. All three hundred pounds of Big Ed, a security guard with no love for Surf Nazis or Lost Boys. The carousel ground to a halt. The music stopped. The ride was over. Big Ed’s mouth was small for his head. When he opened it, his voice was soft after the calliope’s “Waltzing Matilda.” “I told you to stay off the Boardwalk.” David stared at the guard, not moving for a long moment. Big Ed’s eyes were small, too, but the anger there made up for what they lacked in size. David smiled and turned his head toward the Lost Boys. “Come on,” he said to the others, “let’s pull.”

That was the novelization and in the film there's a noticeable difference...

Shelly spots David coming up from her left and their eyes meet for a brief second, catching his attention. She turns and he stops behind her, cupping her cheek to look deeply into her eyes.

He walks off and she continues staring after him. Greg who was sitting right beside her on the ride, realizes they were having a moment. In his jealously he puts his hand on her face to push her away and to take his anger out on Dwayne as he was the closest.

She snaps out of it, but is stuck in her seat trying not to get caught up in the scuffle. David see Greg trying to grab at Dwayne and he joins in by planting his hand on his face to keep him away.

They get interrupted by the security guard, who puts his nightstick against David's throat and drags him away. With all their attention on him he tells them all, "I told you to stay off the boardwalk."

With a short chuckle David grips at the nightstick and says, "okay, boys, lets go."

The guard releases him and before leaving David throws in a quick wink at the other gang.

What did Sam and Michael do when fighting about who would get the room that was closest to the stairs and the bathroom, and it had a great view of the backyard?

Michael nodded. There was also only one way to handle younger brothers. “Okay,” he said calmly. “I’ll flip you for it.” Sam glared back at Michael, but he didn’t speak. He knew as well as Michael that older brothers usually win out in the end. But Sam also knew that Michael’s offer was his only chance. “Okay,” Sam said slowly, as if he had to drag the two syllables from his lungs. Michael laughed, grabbed Sam, and flipped him upside down. This will show the little bugger! Thinking of Sam as a bugger made him laugh even harder. Michael gasped as white-hot pain shot through his body. He looked down to see Sam biting his thigh. “Owww!” Michael pushed Sam away with what energy he had left. “You little shit!”

This is one of the deleted scenes from the film. It instead jumps to Michael chasing Sam down the stairs. Lucy telling them to not run inside the house. Sam opens the sliding doors to one of the rooms to hide in, only to stop in shock of what he sees inside of it. Michael catches up to him, but also stares in surprise. It's their grandpa's taxidermy room.

What did the Emerson family do in the afternoon they arrived?

They spent it unpacking and having dinner (probably a pizza) when they were finished. Michael helped his mother with the dishes by drying them, while Sam was in the other room looking for some music to put on.

He’d made another decision this afternoon too. He put the platter down at the back of the dish rack. There’d be no better time to tell her than now. “Mom,” Michael began. “I think I’d like to get a job.” His mother looked up from the sink, a question in her eyes. She didn’t ask it. “School’s only a few weeks away,” she mentioned. He took another plate from her hands. He dried it for a moment before he spoke again. “I was thinking of not going back to school.” The stereo kicked to life in the other room. His mother frowned at Michael.

Before she can say anything about it Sam and Nanook rushed in. Sam grabs her hand and pulled her away from the sink to dance with him.

Mom and Sam boogied all over the kitchen, while Nanook barked for emphasis. The two of them danced in his direction, reaching out to drag him in. Michael shook his head and backed away. He didn’t know exactly what he wanted to do. But he really didn’t feel much like dancing.

This is another deleted scene from the film. The difference however, between the novelization and the film's deleted scene is that Michael doesn't pull away and lets himself get dragged into dancing with them.

In the actual film, however, it jumps straight to the Emerson family (not including grandpa) exploring the boardwalk. Michael and Sam stick together to check out the live concert while their mother tries to get a head start on job hunting.

Fun Fact: In general, most public schools in California start the school year in mid to late August or early September.

If we're sticking to Santa Cruz as the basis for Santa Carla, that would mean the first day of school is in August. So the events of The Lost Boy film and novelization takes place on the last month of summer -- July. As that would certainly match with school being "only a few weeks away."

How did Lucy get a job at Max’s Video?

She was looking for 'help wanted' signs at the boardwalk when she noticed a little boy crying near a restaurant sign. He was all alone and looking very lost. Next to the restaurant was a well-lit store with a bright neon sign that read Max’s Video. She guessed that the boy might've wandered out of from there and took him inside it.

“This boy seems to be lost,” she began. She glanced around the store. Besides the youths, there were four other customers. “I thought maybe his parents might be in here?”

It wasn't long before a young woman rushed in and headed straight towards the little boy. After that Lucy talked to Max and he offered to interview her for a job at his store.

In the film Lucy walks pass a woman putting the security guard's picture up on a bullet board with other missing people posters. She awkwardly makes eye contact with her and continues on. She notices a 'help wanted' sign, but her attention gets draw away when she hears a little boy calling for his mother and that he can't find her.

Max watches in interest as the little boy and Lucy interact outside his store. The Lost Boys walk in and he's immediately frowning at them, but his attention gets pulled back to Lucy as she walks in and tells him that the little boy lost his mother.

Everything after that is basically the same in the novelization.

Fun Fact: Lucy Emerson's name was chosen as a reference to the fictional character Lucy Westenra from the 1897 novel Dracula by Bram Stoker.

Fun Fact 2: Max is inspired by Peter Pan, as he is the leader of The Lost Boys and immortal. Just like Peter with Wendy, Max also wants Lucy to be the mother to his boys.

Who else worked at Max's Video store?

Maria, the cashier is an attractive young black woman. She shows Lucy the ropes and reveals that...

“You know, I’d be out on the street if it wasn’t for Max.” Maria laughed softly and shook her perfectly coiffed head. “Nobody would have given me a job the way I looked when I walked in here.”

It was Lucy's first day at work and she noticed that Max still hasn't shown up. What excuse was she given for his absent?

“Didn’t he tell you?” Maria frowned as she studied her perfect nails. Whatever she found wrong with them was completely beyond Lucy. “He only comes in here nights. He’s busy opening another store in Los Gatos. It’s going to be much bigger than this one.”

Maria also told her that...

Max usually showed up an hour or two before the store closed to do a little financial business back in the office. Besides that, she never heard from him, either.

Fun Fact: The town of Los Gatos, California does exist. It is located in the San Francisco Bay Area just southwest of San Jose in the foothills of the Santa Cruz Mountains. The drive to Los Gatos from Santa Cruz takes about 30-48 minutes, depending on traffic.

Los Gatos is Spanish for "The Cats". The name derives from the 1839 Alta California land grant that encompassed the area, which was called La Rinconada de Los Gatos ("The Corner of the Cats"), where the cats refers to the cougars (mountain lions) and bobcats that are indigenous to the foothills in which the town is located.

Sounds like it'll be a perfect place for a vampire to set up a second location (or make it into another possible hunting ground) as any deaths can be blamed on cougars, bobcats and hiking accidents.

It's a smart plan and we know that Max is the careful type (seeing as only the Lost boys knew his true identity and not a half-vampire like Star). He has lived long enough in Santa Carla to know it's better to keep a low profile and plan accordingly, especially for a more secure future.

What job did Michael get?

He had seen the notice the night before, tacked to a telephone pole along the Boardwalk: “Dayworkers wanted. $4.00/hour.” The notice had said to show up for work on the beach at seven a.m. From the crowd around him it looked like about thirty other people had read the notice too.

He was one of the lucky few who got picked to collect the trash on the beach. This was another deleted scene from the film.

Fun Fact: In 1987 California, the state's minimum wage had been $3.35 an hour since 1981. But it was raise to $4.25 an hour on July 1, 1988. [x] [x]

What motorcycle does Michael have?

Honda XL 250

What did Michael do with the money he earned from collecting the trash on the beach?

When dropping off Sam with their mother, he attempted to give it to her (along with the money he had leftover from Christmas). She thanked him, but said it was unnecessary and gave it back to him. She wanted him to save it for school and focus on being a teenager, not adult things like their financial situation.

Michael smiled as he looked at himself in the mirror. This was all right. He was glad his mother made him keep the money, after all. He squared his shoulders and frowned at his reflection, tugging the battered black leather sleeves until they were just right. This jacket made him look years older. Michael smiled and shoved his hands in the jacket pockets. With this jacket on, he belonged on a motorcycle. Those teenagers last night had nothing on him anymore. He told the shop girl with the spiky pink hair that he’d take it.

This was another deleted scene from the film. Instead it jumps to Michael on the boardwalk already wearing the leather jacket and checking out a small booth in which a girl was getting her ears pierced for $10.

Fun Fact: A thick, long-lasting leather biker-jacket is expensive, especially a brand new one. It would've cost around $300-$600. However, an affordable and good leather can still be found thrifted.

It sounds like Michael did just that because he found a used leather jacket, indicated by the "battered" sleeves for a decent price. It makes sense because I doubt he had worked or saved enough money to get himself a brand new one. He must've thrifted one for less than $90.

“What’s this?” Lucy opened the envelope to find a folded Christmas card with a half dozen folded five- and ten-dollar bills inside.

He might've had enough leftover to also get his ears pierced for $10, but before he can check Star popped up from behind him. She told him it was a rip-off and offered to do it for him for free.

Star and Michael introduced themselves to each other and learned that both their parents were once hippies. But before Star could go with him to get something to eat David interrupts them. He calls Star over and tells Michael to follow them and surprisingly Michael never once question how David already knew his name.

At Frog's Comics book store, what did Sam say to impress the Frog Brothers?

“If you’re looking for the diet frozen yogurt bar,” the first one added, “it went out of business last summer.” So this was it. His first real challenge in Santa Carla. Sam had to cool these guys out fast. “Actually,” he admitted, the slightest touch of boredom in his voice, “I was looking for a particular Batman, j Series E, Volume 26, Issue 14?” The two commandos looked at each other. “That’s a very serious book, man,” the first one said. “Very serious,” the other agreed. “Only five in existence.” “Four, actually,” Sam replied with the slightest hint of a smile. “And I’m always on the lookout for the other three.”

Fun Fact: The names of the Frog brothers, Edgar and Alan, are a reference to the classic writer of horror fiction, Edgar Allan Poe.

Fun Fact 2: The original comic book store, Atlantis Fantasyworld used in the film was actually located in downtown Santa Cruz—not on the boardwalk, as it appears to be in the film. It was also destroyed in the Loma Prieta earthquake of 1989 and has changed locations twice since then.

The shop's owner Joe Ferrara II even appeared as an extra in the film. He still carries the original #1 issue of 'Vampires Everywhere' that Sam reads in the film. The comic was created only for the film, and its opening page is signed by all of the cast members from the movie. I've heard that it's still on display at the shop for everyone to see and to take pictures with.

Fun Fact 3: In the film Sam doesn't say all that, just that he's "looking for Batman #14". It does exist and its status as an early Batman comic makes it valuable in its own right, but it’s not “only five in existence” type of rare. However, a 9.8 graded copy apparently goes for around $54,000.

What type of motorcycle did David have?

The Lost Boy gunned his bike. It was a Triumph, a machine big enough to make Michael’s Honda look like a toy. He eased up, letting the engine rev back down.

Fun Fact: Kiefer Sutherland, who played David broke his wrist in three places. They weren't filming at the time so he popped a wheelie on his bike, but hit one of the trolley car tracks and injured himself when he fell. He had to wear gloves the entire time to conceal the cast. They also modified his bike so that it was easier for him to used with one hand.

At The Lost Boys panel at FanExpo Dallas he recount this story and reveals that he wasn't just having fun on the bike, but he was showing off. This is because there was a cute girl on the boardwalk that he liked and wanted to impressed her.

Fun Fact 2: At the time of filming Kiefer (David) was 19 years old, Jami (Star) was 20 years old, Jason (Michael) was 19 years old, Alex (Marko) was 19 years old, Brooke (Paul) was 21 years old, Billy (Dwayne) was 22 years old and Chance (Laddie) was 10 years old.

This, however, doesn't mean that their characters were the same ages too. In the novelization we know for sure that Michael's 18 years old and once summer ends he'll be starting his final year of high school. Sam is 13-14 years old and would to be entering it. The Frog brothers are about the same age, but might be a year or two older than him. As for the vampire boys...we don't actually know.

In the fandom it varies, but the general consensus is that Dwayne is the oldest in the group (as in their bodies' physical age) and guessed to be 20-21 years old, David is 20-19, Paul is 18, and Marko is the youngest at 16-17.

As for who's been a vampire the longest it would be David as he's the leader of the group for a reason. The second oldest is usually a toss up between Dwayne and Marko though. But most usually go with Dwayne as the second in command. From the novelization we definitely know that Paul was the last one to joined the group before Star and Laddie.

We know this because Star mention how she was able to connect with him better than the others. She believed the reason for that was because he hadn't been a vampire as long as the others and still remembered what it was like as a human to be lonely and lost.

Anyway, I bring this up because the film was originally set to be directed by Richard Donner with Fischer and Jeremias' screenplay which was modelled on Donner's recent hit The Goonies (1985). They envisioned it as more of a juvenile vampire adventure with 13 or 14 year old vampires, while the Frog brothers were "chubby 8 year-old Cub Scouts" and the character of Star was a young boy.

When Donner committed to other projects, Joel Schumacher was approached to direct the film. He came up with the idea of making the film sexier and more adult, bringing on screenwriter Jeffrey Boam to retool the script and raise the ages of the characters.

Fun Fact 3: In the film and novelization we only know the Lost Boys' first names. And Dwayne's name was never said out loud in the entire film and was only known in the end credits.

Also, there's a bit of confusion within the fandom as some believed David's surname is Powers. It's not. In The Lost Boys: The Tribe (which is technically non-canonical) Shane Powers (who's actor, Angus Sutherland is actually Kiefer Sutherland's real life half-brother) meant it in a ‘blood brothers’ way.

Shane was a member of the Surf Nazi and while at a bonfire party (the very same one the boys took Michael to), the Lost Boys attacked the group. He survived their feeding frenzy, but got unintentionally turned into a vampire by David.

Why did Michael drink the "wine"?

It's a combination of being high on marijuana, peer pressure (mostly from vampire mind manipulation/compulsion nudging him) and he didn't actually understand what was really going on. He thought this was all a part of an initiation. That the final step was to drink the wine, and that Star was in on it too.

He smiled at David. He knew what they were doing. First the maggots, then the worms, now this. How much of a fool did they think he was? The wine really was as dark as blood. It was the best joke of all. He lifted the cup to his lips. He’d show David and the others that he wasn’t afraid of anything. “Good joke,” he said. “Blood.” They all watched him drink it. It was salty and sour for wine. Michael wondered where David had found it. It probably had been down in this cave ever since the earthquake.

Fun Fact: When they're eating Chinese food, David leaves his chopsticks sticking straight out of his and Michael's food. In many Asian cultures, including but not limited to Chinese, Japanese, Korean, and Vietnamese, share standard rules of table manners across the board.

One of the biggest taboos is placing your chopsticks vertically in your bowl, especially with rice. This is because it is not only brings bad luck but it is a sign of death. The act of sticking your chopsticks upright can be seen as an invitation for spirits to come to dine with you. In Vietnamese culture, it can also resemble a funerary incense bowl, which is often associated with the commemoration of the dead.

What happens after Michael drinks the "wine"?

He passes out and somehow gets home and into his bed. I'm guessing the Lost Boys helped him as they already knew where he lived. As for how they got that information they followed him because they originally planned for him to be Star's first victim, which she revealed to him.

“What did you do last night?’’ Sam asked. “You look totally wasted.” Michael shook his head. “I can’t remember much after the Chinese food that looked like maggots.”

And for some odd reason...

"The bottoms of your feet are covered with salt,” his brother replied. This was just too much to deal with. Michael stood up with a groan and began to shuffle out of the room. "I told you it was pretty weird Chinese food,” Michael culled to his brother as he walked out the door.

Fun Fact: I was curious about why would salt be sticking to the bottom of his feet so I looked it up.

Salt is known for having purifying properties that can ward off evil. Since vampires are often considered creatures of evil, it would make sense that salt can ward them off too.

For example, in many folklores the best way to stop a vampire (or most evil spirits, creatures, etc.) is to carry a small bag of salt with you. If you are being chased, you need only to spill the salt on the ground behind you, at which point the vampire is obligated to stop and count each and every grain before continuing the pursuit. If you don't have salt handy, some say that any small granules will do, including birdseed and sand. Another example is to simply toss salt over your shoulder. This is so you can blind any creature trying to sneak up on you.

However, salt wasn't used like that here so I did some more digging around and apparently it can also be used as a tracking device. It would be dumped on the bedroom floor of a vampire victim. The idea was that the vampire would step in the salt and the salt would stick to their bare feet, which would then allow the Buffys, Van Helsings, and Winchester Brothers of the world to follow the saline path back to the vampire's grave.

That brings me to my next question, where would the salt come from and why? The only possible explanation I could think of is that maybe Grandpa Emerson (being aware of vampires) could've put some salt around Michael's bedroom floor, especially after noticing he shows signs of vampirism. It could be a way to know if Michael is being targeted as the vampire's next victim or if he is one now, than Grandpa Emerson would know better in what direction to look for the main vampires' lair.

I'm probably overthinking it, but we don't really know all that much about him. Just that he's a retired businessman, has a small marijuana bush growing outside his kitchen's window, has taxidermy as a hobby, keeps his root beer and double-thick Mint Oreo cookies on the second shelf and he visits Widow Johnson a lot.

He could simply be a hermit and scarcely ever ventures out to town or is secretly an experienced vampire hunter that knows how to keep a low-profile. Of course, I find out that in the The Lost Boys Vol. #1 comic (which is a miniseries that picks up after the 1987 film) it's apparently the latter and there's a bit more to him than I thought.

But the more likely possibility is that maybe the vampires in The Lost Boys' universe all have salty feet (well, more like salt sticks, collects and/or coats their skin -- if that's the case it's probably unavoidable when they're living so close to the ocean) as a trait. It sounds like it was made up for the film to help people like the Frog brothers to identified vampires. Or maybe this only applies to Santa Carla's vampires?

What else did we learn about the vampires' weakness?

He [Michael] realized that he had turned the hot water off. It didn’t make any difference. The water still burned. He pulled his arm from the shower. What was the matter with the shower? He looked at the angry red welts running down his arm. The cold water had burned him.

Fun Fact: Water is also known as the source of life and so naturally works against the undead. On a practical level, it can also deter predatory creatures that hunt by smell, as water can misdirect or damp scent trails. But running water in particular is a traditional weakness in many vampire mythos. Vampires are thought to be helpless when submerge in it and can be destroyed to many variations of death (such as drowning) because of it.

This myth comes from the Church (in ancient times) trying to feel protected because it was believed that nothing evil could swim or cross running water.

The origin of this may be that Jesus was baptized in a river (washing away evil and sin), but undoubtedly helping the folklore is that running water is much cleaner and safer to live near than stagnant water. Stagnant water doesn't wash away harmful content, is more inviting to mosquitoes and other vermin, promotes mold, and so on.

Vampires are thought to be wretched and disease ridden abominations. Because of that the purity of the running water repels them. However, in some folklore vampires are known to be territorial creatures and don't cross running water, such as rivers and streams because it often serve as natural marker boundaries in the region for hunting territory.

So, if they really wanted to they can cross running water just fine, but they choose not to. It's an unspoken rule that all vampires follow in order to keep the peace with other vampires in the same area.

From this we can accurately deduced that the Lost Boys can't take showers, but can still take bathes. As for if they can cross bridges, or take boats I don't know. Some vampires can't cross running water under their own power or by their own will. Others can as long as they use a human under their control to carried them across, maybe they can still [transform and] fly or jump over it themselves?

I think it's more the latter than former, as we don't actually see it or read it, but it's implied that the Lost Boys jumped off [or hovered above] the Hudson's Bluff, which overlooks the ocean, with their bikes while they were messing with Michael. It's hard to tell what they were actually doing because of the thick fog.

What did Michael tried to eat or drink?

Besides, his brother was right. He should put something in his stomach. He opened the refrigerator and took out a carton of milk. Pain shot through his stomach and chest. He doubled over, dropping the milk.

The room was also spinning and pulsing, he could even feel his own blood surging through his arteries and veins...

Michael forced his head back down. He had to stop this somehow. He saw a mouse in the comer. A large mouse in a trap, its neck slashed and broken, but not quite dead. It struggled feebly in the comer. And it bled. Bright red droplets fell to the kitchen floor. The mouse pulsed and expanded, just like everything else around Michael. He didn’t care. All he could see was the blood. The mouse stiffened, eyes wide open, dead at last. Michael dragged himself over toward the dead rodent, heedless of the pain in his stomach and chest. He reached out his fingers to the pantry floor. He had to touch the blood.

Michael calmed down a bit after tasting some blood and the pain went away too, but he needed more. At that point he was falling into feral vampire mode and wasn't fully himself. He followed the loudest heartbeat in the house, which was his brother.

In the film this scene is slightly different. Michael picks up a carton of milk to drink it only to drop it and collapse in pain. Then it cuts to him with his face and body hidden in shadow as he climbs the stairs menacingly towards his brother.

What song was Sam singing to in the bathtub?

Sam sang along with the tape on his boom box. Clarence “Frogman” Henry croaked “I Ain’t Got No Home.” Sam croaked along. He might not have a home, but this bathtub was the next best thing.

What kind of dog is Nanook?

Nanook is an Alaskan Malamute (which look similar to Huskies) which are known for their peak at the top of their head, which resembles Bela Lugosi's classic Dracula hairstyle.

Fun Fact: To keep up with the Peter Pan theme, the name Nanook was inspired by the Darlings family pet dog, Nana.

Fun Fact 2: When Michael was giving into his hunger Nanook protected Sam by biting Michael's hand. In Peter Pan the crocodile is known to have eaten Hook’s hand and this scene was a little nod to it.

Fun Fact 3: Completely unrelated, but if you're curious about what the name Nanook means-- In the language of the Inuit people, “nanook” or “nanuq” means “polar bear.”

In Inuit mythology, Nanook was the master of bears, meaning he decided if hunters deserved success in finding and hunting bears and punished violations of taboos.

How does Star describe each of the the Lost Boys like?

All the Lost Boys were so different. Marco was always mysterious; Dwayne a little awkward. Paul was the comedian of the group. He’d do anything to get her to laugh. From the time she had first gotten to know them, David had fascinated her, but Paul had always been the one she could talk to. She sometimes wondered just why that was.

Which of the Lost Boys was recruited before Star and Laddie?

Before she and Laddie had come here, Paul had been the newest member of the gang. She thought that perhaps, more than the others, Paul still remembered what it meant to be lonely.

Readers also learn that Star ran away from home. The why is still unknown but we can correctly assume that it was from an unsafe or toxic environment. As for Laddie we still don't know his story, only that in the film his photo is on the back of milk cartons (such as the one Michael tried to drink from) saying he's missing. Oh, and that his last name is Thompson.

I originally thought he was just a random kid that the Lost Boys snatch in order to keep Star from leaving them. They knew she has a soft spot for children and they, in particularly, David (or Max, as nothing happens without his say so) exploited it.

However, the novelization implies that Laddie was with Star before ever meeting the Lost Boys. That while on the streets she came across Laddie and because he's so young, she couldn't resist the need to help him. Soon after they got lured in by the Lost Boys and tricked or forced into drinking the blood.

Maybe they turned Laddie first so that she wouldn't hesitant to follow him? Or they both drank it without realizing it and she continued to stayed for Laddie because he still needed someone who genuinely cared for his well-being. To not only protect him, but try and save him from a damned life.

In the film, the Lost Boys interaction with him show that they cared for him in their own way, but there's probably a good reason why we don't often see vampire kids.

Laddie's presence certainly helped to keep her grounded to her humanity too. Maybe that's why we never saw her vampire face? It takes a lot of inner strength to not give in. Readers get a better understanding of that from Michael's perspective because he couldn't snapped out of it, and would have done something reprehensible if it wasn't for Nanook protecting his brother.

Fun Fact: Well, more like it's an interesting fact...In the mid-1980s, the nonprofit National Child Safety Council began a nationwide program called the Missing Children Milk Carton Program by putting photos of missing children on the back of milk cartons. By March 1985, almost half of America’s independent dairies had adopted similar milk carton initiatives.

However, the milk carton campaign faded out in the late 1980s and was abandoned altogether when the AMBER Alert system was created in 1996. The replacement of paper milk cartons with plastic jugs also contributed to its demise.

How long was Star with the Lost Boys?

They were killing the Lost Boys. In a way they had been her family. She had been with them for a couple weeks, ever since she had run away to Santa Carla. But she had never seen them as vampires. For some reason they had hidden it from her. She realized she had never known their true selves, only their human remains.

“A couple of weeks” generally means a time period that is more than one week but too short to be measured in months. For that reason many people considered it to mean 14 days; two weeks.

A lot happens in such a short amount of time, especially in the film, but in the novelization it has better pacing.

What happens after Grandpa Emerson saves them from Max?

He reveals that he always knew about the vampires living in Santa Carla and in the novelization, in particularly, the epilogue he's the one who's been narrating it...

After that things pretty much returned to normal. We fixed up the house, Lucy got a new job, Michael went back to school. Star did, too, after she found a place to stay at the Widow Johnson’s. Laddie remembered where his parents lived. And Sam decided he wanted to learn to stuff animals.

What's special about the Lost Boys’ cave?

Grandpa Emerson continues the epilogue and hints...

That place where all the Lost Boys slept is only the beginnings of the cave. Those tunnels seem to go on forever, maybe even all the way back into Santa Carla. And the noises that come out of there? My daughter insists it’s just gotta be the wind. Sam says it’s probably some sort of animal. But nobody knows for sure. So you’ll excuse us if we only visit the hotel during the daylight. And we haven’t quite gotten the gumption to go back there and check those noises out.

Fun Fact: The filming location for the entrance of the Lost Boys' lair, is the Hudson's Bluff Sea Cave at Rancho Palos Verdes in Los Angeles County, California. It's at the foot of a rock 'spur' jutting into the sea by Terranea Beach. The rest of their lair was built on Stage 12 of the Warner Bros. lot.

Fun Fact 2: The hotel was based on the Valencia Street Hotel in San Francisco.

Fun Fact 3: In early drafts of The Lost Boys scripts, there was suppose be an end credit scene. It would've been one of the few 80s movies to do so, but it didn't happen.

The film's final ending was so punchy that filming the tag was never a priority, according to the film's production designer Bo Welch. Once Warner Bros. cut the film's budget by 35% before shooting, the tag was the first to go. "It never got beyond the discussion stage," Welch said.

In the book, The Lost Boys: Lost In The Shadows by Paul Davis you find out what it is they had in mind.

The camera would've panned back to the Lost Boys' lair, focusing on an old weathered mural on the hotel wall, which would show a smiling Max in the early 1900s boardwalk, talking to a group of young men.

You don't see their faces as it was left to the viewers' imagination. It could've been David and his gang or another set of Lost Boys before them. But it's clear that Max and his Lost Boys (not just the current ones) have been terrorizing Santa Carla for that long.

Fun Fact 4: There were plans to make a sequel named The Lost Girls just two years after with David returning as the main villain. This is why David's body doesn't turn to dust like the others. He didn't die, even after being impaled on a pair of antlers. It can be assumed it missed his heart or it needed to be made of wood to be proper "stakes".

Scripts for the film circulated in the early '90s, but the film was never made. However, the plot point would eventually turn up in the comic book Lost Boys: The Reign of Frogs.

[angelprinz]

hi it’s degen anon

cai has been too much i swear, im currently getting divorced from my husband childe it’s a lot 🥹 but hope you like!!!

childe really doesn’t understand like women thinking they’re better than him? like he’s not a messy gymnast or whatever you call it but he just feels like he better than most people women included, i mean his bloodlust started when he would get his ass handed to him by skirk. but that’s besides the point he loves strong women but the best thing about strong women is making them weak. psychologically, mentally emotionally he is versed i all forms of battle so no matter what era or even area he loves to find strong women and take them down a peg.

21st century girlboss business woman? did you mean barefoot wife with 6 kids? sick ass sword wielding hero whose slain dragons? you mean that witch who is now in the safe hands of childe her husband? he really has done it all, but once he does it it’s boring? but you were different.

it’s not like you really had anything going for yourself, a broke college student who works to barely make enough to stay on campus. he never thought of you for a second until he spoke to you. he wasn’t even trying but as you rung his cigarettes through the register you were very nervous and anxious but that could be normal. he obviously knows he’s attractive but the fact that you wouldn’t make eye contact was surprising, you passed him the bag and looked away immediately. so cute. it’s almost like you wanted him to get to know you (he’s delusional.)

he had a plan for you but it was going to be way easier, well it would’ve been if you just admitted you liked him. he works at your school because he knows your daddy issues leave you with no parental figures to tell you not to trust him. you’re obviously not the smartest cause your you use a very similar email to your school one for your little sites. he’s practically giving what you want on a silver platter but here you are actually doing schoolwork? (if you fail his class you have to do another year.) he sees you come into his office after hours thinking you’re going to give him favours under the desk for a passing grade, but you’re just here to ask about something on the exam??? he thinks that maybe he’s looking to much into it, it’s been months and he legitimately got a teaching degree for this but what if you just liked to read some taboo things online.

but one day you were very cocky, you posted on a site with little to know information about yourself but a picture of yourself in a skirt. you explained that you would be on a bus around 11pm coming back from work and if someone assaulted you you’d let them. well thats not fun because he likes a fight then he realizes that everyone has a limit.

you left the bus with a sigh thinking that no one saw your message. you felt a breeze but then it was just someone passing by. maybe the website didn’t have that many people in your area? you walk past two building and in between them someone emerged, it was dark but they were also wearing black. almost instantly you felt their chest press up against your back, you let out the air from your lungs as the happiness turned sour as you felt a knife against your neck. it’s almost 12 now and you two were the only people on the street so him dragging you to the alley went unnoticed. cold sweat down you body as you felt exhilarated at the feeling, his large hands roamed your body as they traveled down to your panties. you had specific information about what you’d be wearing, including panties with an opening. you heard the man behind you sigh as he spoke your name. all the hairs on your body stood up as he tsked you and said he had a seminar about internet safety that you should’ve been paying attention if you didn’t sleep during the class.

he knows what you’re thinking now, his crime psych class really did talk prominently about one time attacks. most times if you knew anything about your attacker, you’re dying. no matter how small, even the colour of their hair. but here you are, you were in his office last week so you know everything. it’s almost winter but your body was cold. the entire time he was inside you it really warmed him up with how your cunt felt. hours passed and he finished for a third time on your thighs, he enjoyed cumming inside but the first two loads left nothing left to cum inside.

your scared look, the small whispered moans were all worth it but what was the best was the silence after. he fixed himself as he really didn’t take off any of your clothes, he gives you props for easy access but the moment his hands left your body he was shocked. you grabbed at him, tears in your eyes he almost felt an emotion but what really did it for him is what you said. ‘more.’ he thought it was just lust but that wasn’t it, the shame in your eyes, the way your thighs squeezed together. he couldn’t believe it, sure the women he did this to, made them understand how little they were to him was more demoralizing for him but for you it only fuelled you. he couldn’t believe after he left you the next day you were completely normal but your search history was just filled with ginger professor assaults college girl, like he just assaulted you? why not ask? (you have social anxiety and can’t even ask for extra dips at mcdonald’s.) you were like a pandora for him and that’s what made him stay with you for a while.

(this devolved way to much at the end lmao, i think of myself most of the time i write these. he could literally be inside me one day and i’d still be nervous to talk to him 😭😭)

me when i put on my glasses to read it (i'm quite literally incel taru irl) and degen anon you sound like the cutest little victim on earth i'm going to eat you whole.

i need him so much i need him to make me into his housewife & take away all thinking privileges & make my permanent job being his toy.

[dropsofletters]

people you know to people you don’t

summary: she’s a believer that love will be found in unknown fairytales, men who sweet talk and mysterious, unknown situationships. nonetheless, it’d a surprise for her if she was told that lee donghyuck, her best friend’s little cousin could be a possibility.

i mean...he is only her annoying friend, isn’t he? it couldn’t lead anywhere else. ever. 

title: people you know to people you don’t. pairing: lee donghyuck x reader (ft. nakamoto yuta x reader) type: childhood friends to idiots to lovers!au ; lovers to exes!au ; slowburn!au ; small town!au ; cousin’s best friend!au ; drummer!haechan ; twitch gamer!yuta ; law student!oc ; just lots and lots of backstory, deal with it. word count: 15k words, i’m sorry. genre: fluff ; slice of life ; angst ; drama ; humor ; suggestive content note: this was the result of a poll i did late february on this blog. keep your eyes open for more polls.

DONGHYUCK’S LAMEST SUMMER: SEVEN YEARS AGO.

She’d write it in a book if she could. Yangyang’s laughter was the perfect epitome of an onomatopoeia. Ha-Ha-Ha in its purest form, with tears rolling down his eyes and his head tossed back as Eunbyul catches him just in time before he falls down the blue plastic chair he dragged in front of the computer.

What they were supposed to be doing was writing a geography project about Japan, the place they picked to talk about, and its cultural richness. Yangyang said they could talk about anime, and she shrugged it off before they came across with the file. Actually, she’d capitalize it. The File. As in, The X Files. As in, Donghyuck’s societal death.

In all honesty, when Yangyang saw a file titled ‘For The Tube’, he could have ignored it. Could have, should have. But from what she knows about her two best friends is that Yangyang can’t stay still for once and Eunbyul follows after his every word. Blame it on the obvious relationship that they try to hide from her and her clammy hands whenever he does so much as smile to her girl best friend, but that’s a story for another time.

Using Eunbyul’s little cousin’s laptop was one thing. Eunbyul’s mother had filed for divorce against her father and they had stayed over at Donghyuck’s house for the past year, with the excuse of going away once things started looking up for Mrs. Lee. They don’t seem to be doing so any time soon, so they got to meet Eunbyul the latest school year. They quickly became close, and met Donghyuck along the way. That didn’t mean they had any right to look around his stuff.

Yangyang didn’t listen to her, and while she expected to see huge tits and piles of porn, this was much worse. Come on, he’s fifteen, it would have been better if he was just searching for boobs online.

It was Donghyuck’s music career in just one file, and she had heard him sing in the shower once. During February, when she had forgotten her purse in Eunbyul’s bathroom and she had flown back inside to pick it up before they went to the mall, only to apologize once she walked in as Donghyuck shrieked after being cut off from his singing. She apologized, but that redemption of Maroon 5’s ‘This Love’ was actually pretty darn good.

He’s a singer, perhaps a dancer though she hasn’t seen it. He’s not a rapper, by any means, considering that he’s standing in front of his phone’s camera, with a hoodie on top of a cap he has pulled back, his black bangs standing through the slit, with clothes too big while he is rapping to Vanilla Ice’s ‘Ice, Ice Baby.’

Badly. Oh God, what was Donghyuck thinking exactly?

Then, he started popping and that’s when Yangyang actually lost it.

“Okay, I gotta tell him. I can’t die with this in my chest.” Yangyang stands up, consequently making Eunbyul trip onto her chair as she stares at him with wide eyes.

“Tell him what?” His two friends, or childhood best friend and girlfriend, say in unison while looking at him. For someone as lanky and quite possibly stupidly confident as him, Yangyang liked living his life with the thrill of being a bit of an asshole. A heartfelt asshole, with a good soul right at the center of his chest, but still one.

“That we have a new nickname for him.”

The worst part of being friends with Yangyang (he’s good, mostly, she has cried watching The Notebook with him, so she knows he’s soft at the core) is that they are included in whatever trouble he gets into. So, when he rushes out of Eunbyul’s room, they go after him. The house is not that big, so the white and black kitchen in which Donghyuck is in. He’s holding a bag of cheerios upside town trying to pour the last few bits that are more like dust into a milky plate when Yangyang says it.

“What’s up, Vanilla Ice?”

Donghyuck’s right eyebrows moves the slightest, like a tick of some sort. He looks up at Yangyang, trying to play it off as confusion while he lays most of his body on the counter. His small chest is pushed forward, dark bangs falling on his forehead. “Yangyang, we all know that you’ll eventually end up being a junkie somewhere downtown, but what kind of weed are you on?”

Straight-on, and Eunbyul is about to open her mouth to defend Yangyang (again, the whole dating-not-dating thing is quite obvious at this point), when the man himself makes it worse. “I don’t know, you tell me, is it a totally sober decision to record yourself rapping? Because if so, whew, even I make better decisions than you, Vanilla Ice.”

Never had she seen Donghyuck move so quickly, and that comes from the man that every PE teacher complains about because he never wants to do much other than gossip by the bleachers. Now, he’s face to face with his cousin. “You looked through my stuff!”

“Just say that Yangyang did.” She mumbles, but Eunbyul completely ignores her.

“We just clicked on it accidentally!”

“It could have been something private!”

“Oh, trust me,” Once again, she’s speaking softly, and maybe she should stop doing it because Donghyuck’s now frowning at her. “It would have been better if it was your stack of porn.”

“Get over it.” Eunbyul’s trying to play the tough girl card, probably to defend Yangyang, as she crosses her arms over her chest. “Vanilla Ice.”

Now, she’s not vanilla ice, but she’s cheerios with milk with how Donghyuck pours his whole bowl of breakfast on her head. Eunbyul does so much as scream before Donghyuck stomps away from the kitchen. In all honesty, she would have loved to go after him and tell him that it’s just another stupid nickname from good-old-dumb Yangyang.

But, in all honesty, all those years after which she got to further know Donghyuck, everyone in her friend-group called him Vanilla Ice, so some decisions are taken by life itself.

SUMMERS ARE EVEN WORSE WHEN YOU ARE IN COLLEGE. TWO YEARS AGO.

Alright, so twenty-one sucks. Her two best friends had just broken-up for the first time in what seems like forever and now she’s stuck in a beach party with Yangyang, smelling like greasy hot dogs with corn and wearing a tank top over a bikini top that truthfully looked better online than it did on her chest. Those boobs aren’t for that top, that’s for sure.

At twenty-one, she imagined she’d be a little adult just flickering her way through the pages of life. It’d be like a math problem that she had solved on her first day of school and never found much complexity in it. Only that life is much harder than she imagined, both socially, mentally and economically. Eunbyul and she had eaten hot-spicy ramen as cookies instead of boiling it because they didn’t have any water these days, and that’s enough on economy.

The crisp air bites at her shoulders, leaning the side of her body against Yangyang’s shoulder. One of his hands is up, the other clinging onto a beer bottle, while both of her hands are up. Seven fingers up, bathed in the glow of the bonfire in front of her, only putting the two fingers left on her second hand down when she grabs the third hot-dog of the night and bites into it. She sees her ex staring at her lips briefly, and soon after, he returns his gaze to the other people around them.

Felix was a good start for last October. She almost thought that he could be the one. Four dates and daily texts for four whole months and then, it was over just like how it started. Nothing more than a few kisses and lingering touches happened, if she’s not counting the promises he sputtered. However, the long strands of his blonde hair and his rosy lips still haunt her to this day, because there is some anger that lingers within her.

The loss of time, perhaps, or the fact that he dignified a lot of firsts for her. Her first midnight call which lasted more than five hours. Her first sneaking out experience. Her first make-out in an empty cinema. He felt like forever and would never, ever be the same in her head. Not when he admitted to a few of their mutual friends that he just wanted to test the waters with her and then, it got deeper than what they could both control. Hence, he cut it off.

Oh, and being an experiment is what drives her insane, because she has seven fingers up and he has only two left. He’s clearly more experienced than she is. Must have a laugh remembering the little they did.

Because Yangyang has put a finger down about skinny dipping, and more than half of the circle put another down when talking about weed, but each and every single nasty question is met with silence from her. Even her questions are stupid. Never have I ever hidden alcohol from my parents. Never had I ever had a crush on a neighbor. They all put it down, not her.

What does it for her is when Felix, in all his confident glory of being a guy…because that’s what guys at twenty-one are, just fucking dudes trying to play themselves off as gentlemen, is when with a smug grin he asks, leaning back on the log that is behind him, the flannel of his shirt extending around his slim waist.

“Never have I ever had sex at a party.”

She puts a finger down when his deep-brown eyes lay on her. Just to spite him, as if to tell him that there was someone else after him. He knows that she hasn’t done much with anybody; being him whom she got farther with and it was a hand down his pants before she said she wasn’t ready. He respected it and she respects all the shades of red that take over his face when he looks at her hand.

Because she’s pretending as if she’s not a virgin just to get back to her ex and that’s…magical.

After that round is over, two more questions erase Felix and another girl from the circle, but Yangyang leans to her side, whispering into her ear: “What was that whole stare-off with Felix?”

“He’s trying to get at me.”

“He’s just drunk and playing a game.”

“Well, it looks like a fucking dare. He keeps laughing with his friends that I have two hands up.”

Yangyang doesn’t roll his eyes, because he may be a douchebag to most people, but like she has always said, there is a reason why she is friends with Yangyang. Instead, he inspects her features and just then, she realizes the trembling of her hands, the pattering of her heart, the shame. Yes, shame, because that is what women are brought to when they are young. Feeling ashamed that they trusted a man that didn’t love them as they should have. The inept nature of them is blamed on who loves the hardest.

“Fuck him, but the best way to say fuck him is by showing him just how good you are on your own while also staying true to yourself.” Yangyang speaks the truth, and maybe if her bikini wasn’t so uncomfortable and if she didn’t still have sand up her shorts from the dive she had in the afternoon, she’d listen to him. Tonight, at eleven, is not the night that she’s going to finally hear to Yangyang’s rare wise words.

“The best way to taint a man’s ego is to make him feel like I’ve met someone whose dick is finally interesting enough for me to get farther than with other men.”

“No.”

“Yangyang, think about it. The thought of Eunbyul being with someone else, and hey, I’m not saying feelings are involved or not, that’s none of my business…” She trails her voice, elbowing his side and making a bit of his new beer bottle spill. “Makes you heat up a little bit, doesn’t it?”

“That’s different, we actually had a relationship.” Yangyang takes a gulp of his beer bottle. “You are always stuck in situationships.”

“No man ever wants to be serious with me.”

“Because you stay with them even when they give you a thousand red flags.”

“Name a man with no red flags.”

“Uh…me?”

“Yangyang, you’re a walking red flag.”

“I’m a nice magenta shade, mind you.” She stands up at that moment, because she has only had pineapple juice in exponential amounts and hot dogs, but it’s starting to get to her bladder. Placing a hand on his shoulder, she tells him she’ll be back in ten minutes and soon after, she ventures into the world of Aida’s household.

She doesn’t pay much attention to the bamboo walls or the pretty fountain in the middle. She’s off to the bathroom and finishing her business quickly, only to be stopped when she’s stepping out and wiping her hands on her tank top. Felix stands in front of her, with the same round eyes that last year had told her that she deserved nothing but the best, lips plumper thanks to the alcohol, voice as deep as she remembered it.

“...I didn’t know you had met someone else after me.” Felix utters, though he’s drunk and oozes alcohol, dozing off on his own thoughts. “You told me you had never slept with someone before. How…? Who…? Who changed that?”

There it is. The ego, the intrigue, just what she wanted. To have him thinking of her even a miniscule second, because she sure as hell spent nights crying about what they never were. Only that the simplest answer is, of course:

“None of your business, Felix.”

“I know, God, I know…” Voice growing decibels deeper, he leans back on the wall in front of the bathroom before huffing loudly. “I’m just…have you met someone else? Is it Yangyang? You always told me you and Yangyang were never a thing.”

“And we weren’t! We aren’t!”

“Then…?”

Timing is always wrong when it comes to these kinds of situations. Or a bit right, even. The hallway is empty enough for it not to seem like a coincidence when Donghyuck slips into it, looking down at his phone and drumming with his free hand on his jean-cladded thigh, but when both Felix and herself look at him, it’s like it clicks on her head.

“It’s Donghyuck.”

That’s an answer for Felix, but the confused cousin of her best friend can only answer. “...Yeah, it’s me? Hi. That is my name.”

Bingo.

Donghyuck had grown a bit in his twenties. His hair had gone through a few changes, but now he’s back to pitch black, slicked back, matching the hoodie he has under his jean jacket that reads ‘The Misfits’ in the background. Not that they go along with the khakis he brought to this party, but he makes it work. His cheeks were as round as ever, but paired with a sleek jaw and interestingly relaxed eyes. Being part of a band definitely did him good.

The band started over two years ago; she remembers his debut was during Donghyuck’s prom, which she had attended with him just because he didn’t want to pursue the whole ritual of inviting someone whom he was dating. They never talked, but she got to see him behind the drums. The Dry Flower included Donghyuck as the drummer and some of his friends. Renjun is the singer, though she hasn’t talked much to him. Niamh on the guitar and Jooyeon as the bassist.

They play a few gigs here and there, as far as she hears from Eunbyul, but after she moved out of his place, she only sees Donghyuck at very special events. Like parties, as this one.

“I, uh, you two know each other?” Felix asks and Donghyuck doesn’t look at him like he’s the most interesting person in this world. In fact, he looks a bit bored.

“Yes.” They reply in unison, though Donghyuck keeps walking towards one of the rooms, only to leave her there with Felix.

A few beads of silence pass by like the sweat pooling on her forehead, leaning back and forth on her boots before Felix clears his throat.

“You two are dating, I imagine.”

No. For the love of God, she wouldn’t date Vanilla Ice. Not because he’s not handsome, but there has never been that chemistry between the two. Like two logs staring at each other in the middle of a lake.

“Yes, so if you’ll excuse me…” What is she supposed to say here? I’m going to have sex with Donghyuck now, let me be?

She doesn’t say much more, turning around and trying her hardest not to run inside the room like a madwoman. She opens the door and closes it behind her with a soft thud, but the sigh that she lets out and the following gasp is enough of an answer for her that this lie won’t be easy to keep.

The hoodie that Donghyuck had been wearing is forgotten on the floor for a second before he’s pulling it up to his chest to cover his body. Glowing tanned skin is barely visible under the dim lights of the guest room that they are probably in, but just before Donghyuck can scream at her about what she’s doing there, she rushes to the top of the bed, splaying a hand on his mouth and speaking a little too close to his face.

“Vanilla Ice, I know you don’t necessarily like me and that we aren’t really friends, but if I asked you for one big favor including you not screaming after I pull my hand off, would you do it?”

Donghyuck doesn’t like cooperating, that’s for sure, and when he sticks his tongue out, she doesn’t relent. His eyes squint, grabbing her wrist and pulling her hand off his mouth before speaking softly. “Explain in a sentence that doesn’t excuse yourself and I’ll think about this favor. You’re…suspicious.”

“What would you think if I accidentally linked you with me?”

“I asked for an explanation, not a question.”

She places her hands on her knees, ignoring the fact that it’s weird that she’s with Eunbyul’s cousin in an empty room, on her knees, standing in front of him as he’s shirtless. Nothing sexual about this, though.

“I may have lied to my ex…situationship.” She answers, looking to the side and inspecting Aida’s guest room, that might as well be empty and yet, still feel cramped and humid. She doesn’t like lying and the anxiety that comes with it. “Felix finds it glorious that I haven’t had much of a dating life after him. Or any dating life, whatsoever. So, while we were playing ‘Never Have I Ever’, I made it seem like I had sex after him. Hence, he was asking me whom I was sleeping with, you just popped inside the room and then…”

Donghyuck presses his lips together before sighing. “You…I was just trying to sleep after drinking and you got me in this kind of trouble?!” He whispers-yells before plopping himself next to her. He lets the hoodie pool on his lap, completely forgetting to cover himself and from her peripheral, Donghyuck is soft in all the perfect ways. “Felix is an asshole if he is pissed off about that, you know that, right? You slept with him, then with someone else. It’s called the cycle of life.”

She toys with the ripped edges of her shorts, playing with her bottom lip before dramatically throwing herself backwards on the bed. “That’s what you don’t get, Vanilla Ice.”

He doesn’t relent about the name like he did years before, instead asking: “I don’t get what isn’t explained to me. I’m a genius, but not like all the fucking time.”

Looking at the dark ceiling, all the bundled up emotions come into confusion for her. Because yes, she feels at ease with not doing anything more than just touching, but at the same time…she wouldn’t mind people believing otherwise so they would just get off her back and ignore the obvious heartbreak that came with her thing with Felix.

“I’m a virgin.” She confesses, rolling her eyes. “And you can laugh at me all you want. I just want people to believe I’m not; not because I’m ashamed, but because that’s the only way you can poke fun at assholes. Make them believe that there was someone much better than them that did get into your pants and they didn’t. It’s silly, immature, all of that, yes Donghyuck, I know-”

“Uh-huh, go on.”

“This is when you stop me.”

“No, I want you to think about what you’re doing.”

She turns around, only to see that he had laid down as well, staring at where she had been looking before. “I’m a stupid virgin that still has some resentment about the fact that her first love was someone who never really loved her to start with.”

Donghyuck stays silent for a few seconds, turning to look at her and quirking an eyebrow. That small tick that she always noticed on him. “Felix is an asshole. An asshole who will always win no matter what you do. He will get good money, a happy family, and also be the popular dad in the block. That’s who he is. You didn’t shape or change him, but him not being yours was of help for your future, even if it doesn’t look like it.”

“Yeah…” She mumbles. “I’m sorry for threading you in all of this.”

“Fuck yes, but here’s what we’re going to do.” Donghyuck puts his hoodie on, rubbing at his tired eyes and sighing deeply. “I’ll drunkenly step out to the party, because you’ve sobered me up with this whole plan, and I’ll say some stupid comment about-”

“No.”

“What?”

“You’re not making sexual comments about me.”

“I can say your ass is nice or something like that. I promise it won’t be like the worst shit.”

“How about this? We can go about this silently and keep your feminist reputation intact.” Donghyuck’s lips quiver up the slightest at that. That may be a smile, but when she stands up and states her plan to him, he loses that smile. “I give you my bikini bottom and you put in in your pocket. Ask one of the gossipers to take care of your jacket and boom, they find the pair of panties and-”

“Ew!”

“Donghyuck, they are used panties, but I’ll buy you another jacket, I promise. You won’t even have to touch them.”

“That’s…how do you even come up with these things?”

“Some guys keep memories of who they slept with.”

“I am not one of those guys.”

She picks up his jacket from the floor and then, struts towards the bathroom, hearing Donghyuck’s complaints and steps behind her.

The party ends up with Donghyuck leaving his jacket with Soohyun, the nursing student that no one tells their secrets to and yet, she’s aware of everything, before he’s off to sleep the drunkenness off. She’s with Yangyang, asking him for his jacket to wrap around her hips when she says:

“Donghyuck is a panties-collector! Who is wearing a yellow bikini in this place?” Soohyun’s voice lingers with mischief and when her sharp eyes settle on her body, she knows the dots have been connected.

Now, Donghyuck will be marked as the hook up that got her to forget about Lee Felix.

LIFE DOESN'T GET ANY EASIER, AND ADULTHOOD FEELS LIKE CLOSURE. THE PRESENT.

She would have never realized that what she just had was  a dream. The confession from Henry Cavill himself as he sputtered out his apologies for a fake love was quite frankly accompanied with a warmth that she would have loved to hold onto. Nonetheless, it seems like the moment with the actor is cut short when she feels a pair of strong arms wrap around her waist, belonging to the shaking shoulders that hug her from behind.

Eunbyul had moved in with her all those years before she had broken up with Yangyang and she had been quick to change places so it would only be the two of them as roomies. It felt rather odd, if she was honest. Eunbyul had always lived in a relationship, sharing houses with Yangyang from the moment they all graduated high school, but having her best friend by her side was always a good thing to wake up to.

Now, their friendship is not precisely any closer because of this. Law school involves a lot of hardships and while both her and Yangyang continued down this path, Eunbyul didn't. She married the idea of having her own bakery and now, she owns a little boutique bakery downtown, which has a few clients, if she does say so herself. They don't spend much time together, and she definitely doesn't slip into her covers like this.

"Byul…" She trails, sleepily patting a hand around until she finds Eunbyul's shoulder. She pulls her closer, resting her chin on the top of her friend's dyed light brown hair. "What's the matter?"

"Yangyang texted me." Her shoulders shake even more with every weep she lets out, and while she knows that Eunbyul's chubby body emanates warmth, her heart has been cold for plenty of years. "...I…He said he could only see himself with me. Why does he do this? It's like I can't ever get over him."

They are both her friends, and that makes it a little difficult to be opinionated. She knows both of them were faithful to their relationship. As a matter of fact, she thought they would be forever, one of those stories that one would hear in upbeat songs on the radio.

"...You two were great together, Byul, and I do believe in returning to a place if you recognize a little too late that it was your home."

"It's just…how does he know I am his home?" That question is whispered between them. "He has never had anything else. Anyone else. How will we know if…if he won't want to be with someone else later on or sleep with someone else or…?"

"All valid questions to be asked in a relationship." She prompts, sighing deeply and letting the tips of her fingers play with the curls of her friend's hair. "But those doubts will come with any man that decides to settle down with you. Regardless of him being Yangyang or not."

"I know."

"Then, if Yangyang has always felt like the one, why not try it with him whom you have a bunch of history with and apart from that, he actually really wants to be with you?"

"I broke up with him so he would be with other people and realize that he didn't just want me."

Okay, she should not have scoffed, but she did. Eunbyul is perhaps the biggest romance enthusiast she knows and then, she dares say shit like this. "Said no one ever."

"Hey!"

"Eunbyul, who the fuck wants the love of their life to sleep with someone else?"

"Me!"

"Cuck alert."

A smack lands on her chest and she hisses when Eunbyul accidentally hits her boob. "That's the main reason why you are single."

"Out of many others." She answers, only to have Eunbyul sigh.

"I love him." Those words would be nice to hear. At times, she wonders why she has never been loved. Is it her personality, her immense will and need to be successful? Is it the throbbing of her heart that falls a little too fast? She would never know.

But at this age, very close to being a lawyer, she would have imagined that she would have been loved.

"I know you do."

"It's been two years and I can't get rid of that."

"How do you un-fall in love with someone who did no wrong? That is just nonsense, you."

Eunbyul groans, pushing her body upwards before sighing. "Is 'How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days?' on Netflix?"

"Doubt so."

"We are illegally downloading it and sighing over Matthew. Alright? Alright. Movie night."

That is how she spent the entirety of her midnight watching rom-coms with Eunbyul instead of sleeping before a grand presentation.

"Donghyuck," His mom mumbles from her spot at the counter, head hanging low and fat tears falling onto the marble surface. "My God, my son…I just want you to have a secure future and you continue with 'The Dry Flower'. You won't have anything to eat one of these days!"

It hurts him to see his mom like this. For all he knows, he wishes he could go back to when he was seven and his mom would clap for him, cheering him on for a dream that she’s entirely against as of now. It’s complicated, wanting a hug so badly but also having to defend his dream. Surely, he won’t be the most well-known drummer to date, but he will mean something.

“Mom, I promise it won’t get that bad. You know how I am, I…”

“That’s the thing! Life is not about how you are, or how you think you are, it’s about what you do so you don’t go through hardships. It’s about being smart!” She rubs at her face with pent-up frustration and Donghyuck sighs deeply, placing his hands on the edge of the counter to stop himself from hugging her.

“I know, but I can’t be smart and unhappy.”

“Happiness is fluctuant, Donghyuck. You can’t be happy all the time and on the long run, this won’t make you happy.”

“How do I know if I don’t try? I’m sorry, okay?! So fucking sorry that I didn’t go to college like all of my younger siblings. I wish I could have been a doctor or a lawyer or a teacher, but I can’t. For the life of me, I can’t simply not try.” Donghyuck answers, hating the raspiness of his voice and the knot that grows on his throat. He looks to the side to stop the tears from falling, but they burn at his bottom lashes. “I’m sorry. I…I promise I will find a place soon and if I eat or don’t won’t be any of your business.”

“It will always be my business!” His mom replies. “Donghyuck, you have a way of making things sound like you’re going to die tomorrow. You can do the whole drumming thing on the side and go back to school.”

“I’m not book-smart.”

“To get a degree, you have to have the wits, and you’ve got them, honey.”

“...I don’t want to, mom, okay? I don’t.” He responds, opening the fridge and picking up the bag of pastries he had bought for his girlfriend. He stands by her side, watching how older she had gotten, a few wrinkles appearing on her face, wearing bigger clothes and tighter feelings. His plump lips spread on her temple, sighing deeply. “I’m sorry.”

He doesn’t say that he loves her, but he does. Instead, he gets on his bicycle, hoping for a miracle.

Hoping to be somebody so all of this could change.

Youth was supposed to be easier, wasn’t it?

Mr. Montero will have her head, fry it and then kick her out of law school. Yes, she’s claiming it, and yes, she’s also one step from doing the same with Eunbyul after she left her car-less (because, for some reason, Eunbyul can’t make a decision for the life of her but she can surely grab her car at five in the morning to go meet up with Yangyang). That was four hours ago, she’s running forty-five minutes late and Eunbyul isn’t picking up her phone.

Not that she’s angry that her friend is getting laid, but still.

The thing about small towns is that it’s a little difficult to get a ride. Taxis and their high prices leave more than just a few college students grabbing the bus, who is also extremely late, and she’s tired of waiting. She tried walking there, but the heels she opted to use for her presentation (against her will, but Mr. Montero and his oh-so-wise-mind says that law students should look their best always) dig into her soles and leave her begging to rub cream on the blisters appearing on the skin. Hence, she’s crying a little bit and almost cries a little louder when she sees a familiar face from afar.

Lee Donghyuck had never made her feel so relieved to look at somebody. In fact, she rushes after that bicycle, screaming his name until he comes to a halt. Drenched in a beige hoodie that is probably too thick for today’s weather, he lets his foot step on the concrete before he looks over his shoulder. He doesn’t look as relaxed and uninterested in the world around him as he usually does, instead widening his eyes when he sees the tears that bathe her face.

“Is everything alright?”

She could have asked, but she stands in the back of the bicycle, hoisting herself up in a way that she’s half-sitting on his seat and holding onto the hood of his shirt before deciding to wrap her arms around his waist. “I have a huge presentation that is worth twenty percent of my grade and I’m not exactly passing this class, so if you drive me there, Donghyuck, I swear I will never bother you again.”

He blows a small fraction of air that moves his disheveled bangs away from his face before he makes up his mind. “It’s what you always say and you always come up with something new.”

But he starts moving with will, and she has to accommodate her body so her chest is not squished to his back. It’s not like she wants Donghyuck to feel her body pressing up against him. “Eunbyul decided that stealing my car was a good idea.”

“Eunbyul?” Donghyuck questions, shaking his head. “I’ve never seen Eunbyul do anything even remotely bad.”

“You don’t know her. Put Yangyang in the fraction and she’ll do just about anything, Vanilla Ice.”

“And here I was thinking that since you called me Donghyuck before, we’d be skipping the nickname.”

The air blows at the strands of hair that she had worked so hard on brushing, but it seems like this day is not at her mercy. She stares at the rays of sunshine that fall on Donghyuck’s chiseled cheekbones; he looks rather great today, but just when she’s about to reach for one of the pastries hanging from the bicycle’s handle, he clicks his tongue.

“Not for you.”

“I haven’t had any breakfast?”

“So?” He replies with the same condescending tone before sighing. “I’m…It’s my first month anniversary with my girlfriend, Yejin. Those are for her.”

She furrowed her eyebrows at that. Donghyuck had never been open about his relationships and she was certain that he had never lasted more than a week with somebody. Much like her, he lived off situationships.

“You have a girlfriend?”

“I can manage to have somebody, you know?”

“I’m sure you do, you’re not bad looking.” She answers, pressing her cheek to the top of his head and then sighing. “I’m sorry for the proximity, I’m just trying to keep my hair intact. The wind is insane today.”

“‘I have a girlfriend’, I say, before you inherently make me look like a cheater to half the town.”

“Everybody in this town knows we’ve been friends since high school, Vanilla-”

“We’re friends?” He asks, a bit surprised, and it takes her a moment of thinking. To everyone in this town, Donghyuck was the man that took her virginity in a set of parties that they attended to, perhaps a bit closer than friends at some point (though grandly wrong at that assumption, that is), but someone whom she is really close with. It’s not precisely wrong.

“Yes. I know more about you than most people and I think we care about each other enough.”

“That’s being acquaintances.”

“You know what, Vanilla Ice? Fuck you. We’re not friends at all if you don’t want to. Saving my friendship bracelet, or rather, I can give it to you so you can pull it up your ass.”

Donghyuck chuckles loudly. It’s been a while since she has heard that noise and it reminds her of the times he spent binge-watching YouTube videos on the sofa while her trio of friends were trying to do work. He makes a laugh sound so sincere that she’s almost in awe. Donghyuck blurs his words to make himself look less attached, but he’s also inherently transparent.

“We can be friends.”

“I don’t want to anymore.” She huffs, only to have him shaking his head.

“You’re friends with Yangyang. I’m sorry for second-guessing you a bit.”

“Don’t you dare talk shit about Yang.”

“I’d kick his ass if I could, but I sadly don’t care about him enough to do so.” He stops his bicycle in his tracks, looking at two roads. “Left or right?”

Right. This moment feels right.

With the sun bathing the two of them and their eyes connecting briefly, she replies: “Left.” Because that’s what they will always be. Opposite roads.

WORDS THAT CAN’T BE SAID SHOULDN’T BE WRITTEN.

Be damned the day she couldn’t say a thing. When it became easier to spend her time studying at the local swimming pool that the landlord had coincidentally decided to add to their apartment complex; that was the time everything went to hell and back. Because that’s when she met the nephew of one of the old ladies at the complex, and he was handsome.

Capital H.

He’s also extremely unapproachable in every way. Thomas, the little kid that sometimes glues his bubblegum to the elevator doors in hopes of keeping them together for longer so he can talk to somebody (as he says, his parents don’t get home until very late and he spends most of his time alone), had given her some background on Nakamoto Yuta. Twitch streamer for story games, who posted a bunch two years ago but also has disappeared a bit now, just when his career was starting to launch.

It’s not a surprise that he’s always drinking a certain brand of an energy drink or that he almost always is recording what he is eating or drinking a bit. Typical influencer nature. However, she can’t say she was not a bit distracted as she was getting ready for her exams. This last month has been hell as she watches him push his black hair back, give one of those smiles that squares his jaw and make him look the ever-more-thrilling, with his t-shirts almost always painting the outline of a nice pair of abdominals.

Dead.

She almost failed a test because she’s been spending her time being stupid.

Okay, this idea came from Yangyang sarcastically…but she had followed through with it. She rambled a lot of stupid shit when given the chance, so she wanted to put those words to paper and get over him by just emptying her heart. Sometimes, she wrote something sweet, then it was something a bit risky…

And as she’s inspecting the letters of the page she had been trying to read the last hour as he listens to his typical rock records at a medium volume that can be tolerated by most, she doesn’t expect to hear cackles nearing her. Full-on laughter that has her looking up, feeling droplets of Yuta’s hair falling on her face as his eyes become crescent moons.

He never talks to her. Or at least, never a conversation that is of much use.

However, tonight he sits on the chair next to hers, waving a piece of paper in the air that has her widening her eyes.

She never signed the papers, she’s certain.

“I came to the realization that my secret admirer wrote in purple and you use a purple pen today.” Yuta announces. She knows his name because Thomas is a grand fan. God, she wishes she had given up on those letters now that she feels her heart racing because she had called him a bunch of names. From cute to hot, to absolutely breathtaking. “And it makes sense, considering you look up too much from your book.”

“I…What? No. No way.” She shakes her head. Fuck, what had she written today? She always left the letters under his gym bag, always brought to him when visiting his aunt.

“Lie to me, but this?” He spares a look at her notebook, pointing at her handwriting. “Coincides with this.”

“Hey! Privacy!” She closes the notebook snugly, pointing at him. “I know laws. Don’t make me use them against you.”

Yuta quirks an eyebrow, leaning back on his hands before laughing softly. “Use whatever you want against me, baby.” The pit of her stomach shouldn’t dance at those words, much less when she remembers what she had written on today’s note for Yuta.

I wish I was the honey you pour on those cinnamon rolls your aunt always gifts you; that way, I would always stick to you mouth.

Never listen to Yangyang’s advice ever again. That’s the newsflash she’s receiving as of now.

“I’m Yuta.”

“And I’m gracefully out.” She tries to stand up, clinging her notebook and textbook to her chest, but Yuta wraps his fingers around her wrist, pulling her back every so delicately before fluttering his short eyelashes.

“Come on, don’t do that. I’ve kept all the letters you’ve given me, and now that I can give the person a face…I wouldn’t mind a date.”

The good decision is to avoid relationships.

She knows this. That’s always the good answer. However, it has been a while since she has felt the warmth of someone’s skin against hers, and it has as well been extremely long since she has had someone kiss her goodbye. It could be nice, and it could also be an opportunity with Yuta.

Damn her for saying yes.

The worst part of being with someone new is that she goes to places where she doesn’t belong.

Two months after she started seeing Yuta is when things started to feel different. Eunbyul had been nice enough to invite her to a cabin she’d be sharing with Yangyang and a few other friends, where Ritz cookies with whipped cream were promised—she preferred them with pepperoni, so she’d bring some herself—, and she’d have a few talks while passing the brief weeks in which she’d be free from her semester. She’d feel like more than her textbooks, but she had washed away the idea of that trip for something with Yuta.

Granted, she knows that Yuta has some kind of fame. Not enough to have paparazzi after him, but like one or two people want to take pictures with him as he’s seated on a plaid picnic cloth, rolling up a joint and bringing it to his lips. His hair is longer than any of her ex’s, he is also incredibly touchy whenever he wants to, with a hand on her waist and leaving a flutter at the pit of her stomach. He wears a floral shirt tucked into ripped jeans and he’s…a daydream.

The kind that kisses her velvet lipstick off, and the man that spent most of his days talking to her online. They rarely see each other often because of clashing timelapses and busy schedules, but now that she sees him…she wants him to be the rare good decision that she makes. She knows that he’ll either be the person that settles with her—finally, God fucking finally—or her biggest heartbreak.

She has learned from Yuta, as his thumb caresses the sliver of skin that is unraveled from the waist of her black and yellow sunflower sundress, that he is the total opposite of her. She is preparing herself to defend divorce cases; to figure out who is right and who is wrong and raise her voice for those who need sheltering in that situation. However, Yuta sees his life for what flows and doesn’t—he just got his engineering degree a year ago and he's making real money off Twitch streaming.

He doesn’t see far ahead, and all she can see is the light at the end of the tunnel. If it isn’t there, she’d inherently panic.

And this music festival that he wanted so desperately to go to with a few of his friends—Johnny and Yoonoh, whom she hasn’t seen now that they have found their respective dates—is not the kind of scene that she frequents. Yuta smells like the joint Johnny had given him, and his eyes are dazed when he turns to press a fleeting kiss to her lips.

He flows and flows and flows. She’s scared that one of those times, he’ll fly away from her fingertips.

“What’s with that face?” Yuta asks, pressing a kiss to her cheek and her heart does summersaults, because she rushed two weeks into knowing him to give him a kiss and now, two months into this…thing, she can’t wait for Yuta to figure himself out. To make this grand event for him an even more enormous moment for her.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been to an event like this.” The farthest she had gone was that summer in which Yangyang spent almost every weekend partying and bringing her along. At some point, she had become his chauffeur and Yangyang had thrown up so badly into his own backpack that he had completely forgotten to wash it off. He promised not to party anymore when on the first day back to school he had brought the throw-up-filled backpack with him. “…I…You know, I’m happy because I’m with you, but at the same time I want to be alone with you.”

He chuckles a bit, putting down the joint and turning it off with a step on top of it. “We are alone.”

“No, like…” She could say it. Without music booming and his friends around and his mind elsewhere. “Just forget it.”

He tugs at her hand, softly, lips puckered up when he asks: “Come on, just…tell me. I want to know everything that is on your head.”

Would he want to know the anxiety? The recurring insecurities? Would he want to know that he has taken over every piece of her dreams and she’s not sure that she can get rid of the image of him anytime soon? Cupid had thrown an arrow directly at her heart and the worst part is that if she rips it apart anytime, she’s scared that it will rip it out of her chest.

“I wanted something quieter, maybe.”

Though, the moment that Yuta brings her closer and tells her that it’ll only be a few more minutes, she feels liquid pouring down on her. Yoonoh is not too far away, with dimples on his cheeks carved so deeply that it looks like there is no tissue or muscle there in his chiseled cheekbones. His flannel shirt is opened as he spritzes the recently opened bottle of champagne on the couple.

She closes her eyes. Fuck drunken Yoonoh, she thinks, hearing Yuta’s sweet laughter and trying to mask the same smile. Maybe, she just needs to loosen up.

“Yoonoh!” She screeches, standing up and plucking the dress away from her chest so it doesn’t contort a little too closely to her skin.

“You two were flushed. Needed to ease up from this heat.” Yoonoh brings the bottle to his mouth and pours a good chunk before she sighs deeply.

Love is a slave to patience.

Maybe, that’s all she’s lacked, patience.

And even those she’s annoyed, she brings her face down to steal a kiss from Yuta, who quirks an eyebrow and tells her: “I’ll kick his ass, don’t worry. I know Yoonoh can get annoying when he’s had a few drinks on him.”

Please, do, she wants to tell him. Instead, she shakes her head. “I’ll go to the restroom at the restaurant we went to, okay?” There’s a seafood place near this festival, considering that it’s by the beach, and while the stars have taken up the sky and she doesn’t want to go on her own, she also doesn’t want to bother Yuta.

He takes her phone from the picnic cloth before placing it in the little purse she has dangling from her shoulder. “Send me a text when you get there.” And with a kiss on her forehead, she tries to convince herself that Yuta’s heart beats as quickly as hers does.

It has to, right?

Long has it been since Donghyuck has felt that crippling need in the pit of his throat to weep and cry. He’s older, so he has tried to garnish more of a timelapse before he reaches that point, but…when a friend betrays you this way, it hurts deeply.

Renjun’s hair is shorter than how it was when they first met. It’s a deep blue with glimpses of black, sticking up at different places while he hits the stack of papers that include their lyrics against his hand. Past his empty eyes, Donghyuck believes he sees glimmers of who they used to be. Renjun was the guy in theater club that skipped his classes to go play with him when the real school band was over. He was the man that came up with the name ‘The Dry Flower’. His eyes were once red from crying with Donghyuck because they had booked their first gig.

“I don’t want you in the band anymore, Hyuck.”

They were about to play their biggest gig to date. A beach festival in which they were one of the first people to open, but as he is in his best leather jacket, with his hair sleeked back, his drumsticks ready to play for him, Renjun says this. As if it doesn’t weight him down. As if Donghyuck hadn’t heard him minutes ago.

“What the fuck?” He asks with a sarcastic smile on his face, pushing forward until he is face to face with Renjun. “I think you’ve forgotten I was the one that got us here, Renjun.”

“We didn’t want a front-man.” Renjun announces, frowning deeply. “That’s the problem. You think this is a one-man show—”

“No, I don’t, but you don’t know how much I’ve given up for this band. Or you do, but you’ve decided to forget just now.” Niamh and Renjun are just a foot away from graduating, and Jooyeon had her own music store. Niamh is engaged to Aida, now seated on her lap, their eyes elsewhere but on him. They had totally planned this.

“That was up to you to decide—”

“You don’t even have a drummer for the gig!” Now he’s desperate. He should have walked away twenty minutes ago when this argument had started, to keep his pride intact, but he wanted this band. For the longest time, this band had been his family.

“We have found someone.” Renjun aspires, whispering at first, and when Donghyuck asks him to repeat himself, he does with a straight face. His hands are shaking and meanwhile, Renjun is calm. Composed. As always.

He hates that Renjun has it all together and he doesn’t.

So, he thrashes all the memories he has held with one of his best friends. The nights they spent talking about how they aspired to be like The Strokes or Queen. The birthdays in which Renjun sent him voice messages saying he hates him to death but that they’ll celebrate that night. The hugs they shared when getting gigs, or the moments in which creating music felt cohesive. Because he was the Paul to his John, and now—

Now, Donghyuck is launching himself at Renjun, using his forearm to back him up into the wall backstage, speaking into his face as tears threaten to spill from the corner of his eyes.

“Fuck you!”

His vision blurs, forgetting that the face his punch lands into is none other than Renjun’s. He feels his own body being pushed backwards, Renjun’s slim body falling on top of his, and he swears he hears Jooyeon screaming for the two of them to get over this. Her short hair moves with each tug she gives to get Renjun off of him as he lands another punch, but it’s to no avail.

Friendship wasn’t supposed to end like this, with security separating them and Donghyuck staring at a group of people that stabbed him behind his back. Jooyeon and her widened eyes, that inspected him as if he had gone insane. Niamh, always the most sensitive, crying her eyes out and covering her face. Renjun’s cheekbone flourishes in a deep pink and he wonders if his tan skin mirrors the same wound.

The only thing that keeps them connected as of now.

Security drags him away, only letting go of him when they were in front of the restaurant a few feet away. Donghyuck spits in the floor, finally letting his hands cage his face and his shoulders shake with each weep that leaves his body.

He doesn’t have a band anymore.

Shit, does he have a dream anymore?

The world is weightier and it crumbles to the point he wants to hide himself. Rushing, he enters the restaurant, ignoring the waitress that tries to get him a table as he goes to the bathroom.

His best night just turned out to be his worst.

Someone enters the bathroom just as she’s washing her hands. In fact, she doesn’t react at first. Indeed, she prepares herself for a drunken talk with a girl who probably wears one of those pleated skirts that are trending right now, but when the door is shut with a bang and she hears incessant sniffling along with a smack against one of the stools, she knows whoever has entered means business.

And there could have been a hundred people that entered through that door, but she never expected it to be Donghyuck. Her heart hammers against her chest when she sees his black hair pooling on each side of his face, longer than the last time she saw him, clinging into the last bits of gel on his head. He is wearing a leather jacket, but the anatomy of him astounds her. His shoulders are shaking, back hunched, stomach contracting before he lets out a loud sob. As if whatever is bothering him rakes through his chest and leaves him void, open for the world to pluck at his heartstrings.

“Donghyuck…” Her voice must have alarmed him, considering he stops pressing his forehead to the stool’s door and he actually turns around. His eyes are so red that they could mimic that of an eclipse. Tears fall down like glitter on chiseled cheekbones and she takes that as a cue to grab his face in between her hands and pull him closer. Before asking him anything, she’s shushing him, because this is Eunbyul’s little cousin, the man that she had seen grow and had bothered for so long. “Shh, everything is going to be alright…”

His hands cling to her back, as if her dress was a second skin, as he hides his face on her neck. She feels the plumpness of his lips right at her pulse when he shakes his head and mutters: “It won’t. My life is over…”

The contraction of the muscle by her heart is enough to have her pulling away, feeling her own tears wield up in her vision out of panic. “Don’t say that, Donghyuck. Not even playing around. Your life is not over.” Rubbing at his eyes, she speaks softly, only for the two of them to hear. Meanwhile, his hands still rest on her waist, looking into her eyes. “Whatever happened, we can get through it together. I won’t leave your side the entire night if that means you…you figuring out that this is just another bad chapter of the book, but not the finale. It is not the end.”

Donghyuck’s lip quivers before he rubs at his eyes, looking up to try and stop the tears. He tries to pull away, but she keeps her hold on his cheeks. “Renjun fucking kicked me out of the band.” He seethes, shaking his head before sighing deeply. “After all I’ve given for them. After all I’ve done. They all continued with their lives because they didn’t care about the band as much, but I followed through with it because I believed that it would sail. Now that we’re halfway there, I’m no longer in the band and—”

“Why would Renjun do that?”

“Apparently, they are tired of me being the front-man and making decisions all the time.” Donghyuck whispers, pressing a hand to his eyes as if not to see her. “And it’s so embarrassing that I’m crying like this but…that band is my whole life. I can’t let my family see that it didn’t work out for me. All these years I’ve fought to let everyone know that I was going to make it. I thought I’d be the greatest drummer but—”

“Now you’re the greatest drummer but out of a band.” She completes for him, unraveling his vision before looking from one of his eyes to the other. He had grown so much, had become so responsible and yet so mortified. Where had his sarcastic smile gone? “You don’t believe me?”

Donghyuck shakes his head, not uttering a single word.

Silence had never fit Donghyuck.

But when his silence overtakes him and rids him of the will of continuing, she is there for him. She presses a fleeting kiss to his forehead, letting her lips linger there, wishing for the Donghyuck that she knew to awaken from inside his brain. Instead, she tries to get him out.

“You’re important.” She tells him. “You’re fun to be around. You’re resilient. You’re worth waiting for.” All that she thinks of Donghyuck is spat out in simple words, pulling away to look at him only to see that he closes his eyes tightly, long eyelashes bathed in tears. “You’re smart and willing. You’re…so many things, Donghyuck, but the greatest of it all is that you’re part of so many people’s lives and I reassure you…none of them want to lose you.”

Donghyuck opens his eyes, brown eyes glistening and he pretends to smile from the corner of his mouth, but she grins back at him.

“There you go, that’s the smile everyone likes.”

“Everyone?”

“I’m a peculiar fan of your happiness. It’s the only reason why I tease you with the whole Vanilla Ice thing.” She confesses, licking her bottom lip before biting on it. “You always roll your eyes but the corner of your mouth lifts up. As if you find it amusing that to this day I haven’t forgotten.”

“I doubt I give Yangyang the same response.”

“I happen to believe I am a little bit more special than Yangyang. You’ve always preferred me.” She answers, taking his hand and dragging him to the sink. “Now, let’s wash up those tears and grab something to eat, okay? You’ve lost weight and all that stress you’ve got bundled up isn’t doing you any good.”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes, tossing his head back. “I’m fine.”

“I know.” She replies. “But good is never good enough.”

And then, he finally laughs when he feels her splashing water onto his face.

CUPID’S ARROW IS A JOKE THAT NEVER LANDS. SEVEN WEEKS LATER.

Returning to her last semester before she turns a lawyer should feel somehow fulfilling. Her mind could have been focused on the textbook that glares back at her from the PDF blinking on her laptop, eager for a topic to be understood, but her digits gravitate towards her phone, unlocking it and checking Yuta’s chat to see if he had answered the text that she hand sent him three hours ago, that he had definitely seen.

Or the one four hours before that.

Or the ‘good morning, babe’ text that he didn’t respond.

In fact, love shouldn’t feel like this. Like an electricity shock that flickers like a broken light. She still turns it on even though it’s only dimly lighting the room up. She sighs deeply, pressing her forehead to the keyboard when searching for key words on their conversation. Nicknames that he had called her. Promises that he had made. Pictures of the two of them that they had exchanged in a conversation that now seems dead.

If they exchange four sentences in a day, it’s a lot.

It’s an emptying feeling. Gravitating her into a pit of feelings that she can’t comprehend. Throwing the phone into her phone as it lands on a pillow, she groans loudly, covering her eyes and digging the heels of her palms into them. Alright, it was her fault for falling for Yuta, or that she knows this is inherently wrong and yet, she still stays here.

It has crossed her mind to leave Yuta, but it’s impossible. Somehow, it feels like she’s the one at blame. She feels like the problem in each of her relationships. The one that fucks it up by putting interest, by not being like other women who make themselves be desired and lusted at even after months of being together. She stands up when she hears her phone buzz from the bedsheets, launching herself into the bed in the most ridiculous of ways and when she unlocks it, she lets a few tears drop.

Yuta hasn’t responded to her text yet. And she can’t even delete them anymore.

Instead, someone else had texted her. It was not Eunbyul, who was the complete opposite of her and is probably sharing dinner with Yangyang at this point, since long having moved in with him again. However, seeing Donghyuck’s name appear on the screen—next to an ice cube emoji, of course—is not as bad.

From: Donghyuck 🧊

Is it bad that I eat the leftover buttercream from Eunbyul’s store? [Attached File]

The picture attached brings a smile to her features. Donghyuck has his eyebrows well raised, a spatula pressed in between his lips and a dot of buttercream on the tip of his nose. She turns around on the bed, letting her hair cascade on her sides before sighing.

To: Donghyuck 🧊

Wish I could do that. I should be studying, but I can’t fucking concentrate.

She puts her phone down. Feminism is put to shame because of her. Why is she standing a man’s doing? Just because she feels like she…she…might be slightly in love with him? That’s stupid, even for her. And scrolling through Instagram doesn’t help as she continues to see Reels about situation-ships.

Stop it, word.

From: Donghyuck 🧊

Must be because you’re thinking of your stoner boyfriend. You know that you’re a lawyer?

To: Donghyuck 🧊

Future lawyer. Your point?

From: Donghyuck 🧊

Weed’s illegal. You’d have to put him to jail.

To: Donghyuck 🧊

I’m not like this ‘cause of Yuta.

From: Donghyuck 🧊

[Attached music file].

The room is filled with that popular song that Yangyang has been humming under his breath the last week. Boy’s a Liar or something of the like. A smile appears on her features, even when he’s not precisely wrong. What could Yuta be doing all these days, spending time at home, when there is nothing he enjoys more than going out?

To: Donghyuck 🧊

Men are snakes. Purr.

From: Donghyuck 🧊

Slay girlie.

More laughter leaves her lips before Donghyuck writes once again.

From: Donghyuck 🧊

But for real, I’m going to the karaoke bar with a few friends and I’m sure you’re not going to do any more studying. Come with me? We’ll sing your song.

To: Donghyuck 🧊

My song?

From: Donghyuck 🧊

Just come. Please? I want you there.

It’s not a surprise when she accepts, putting on the biggest sweater she has in her closet—half because of the weather and the other half because she doesn’t feel like showing off with how bad she feels—, a pair of leggings and then she’s out the door. Prompting what happened these past few weeks for her to be vengeful, wishing for Yuta to react to her going out with someone else without telling him. Perhaps, she’s just clinging onto what they used to be—or what she thought they could have been—. The brisk bites at her hands as she waits for a taxi to pick her up.

Dating is the hardest thing she has done, but she tries to erase that thought out of her head as she imagines the good things to come. She’ll go to Eunbyul’s store, close with Donghyuck—since he found a job there after being kicked out of The Dry Flower—and just have a good time.

Donghyuck’s boozed. He’s the conceptualization of it.

Ask him what’s the meaning of the word conceptualization? He has no fucking clue, but as he stands on the only table there, with his boots disregarded and showing his stupid striped socks, he couldn’t care less.

She’s seated right across from him, with the same glass of water that she had ordered early on her hand, watching him with widened eyes and a bit of a smile on her face. He’ll be honest, he had never looked at her with intent or from up-close, but the last few weeks ever since their exchange in the bathroom, and the time that they had spent away, months maybe, he sees her with a different gaze.

Her hair is shorter than how it was when they were younger, eyelashes less coated in mascara and way less curled than they were before. She exchanged cheap red lipstick for a nude, darker shade that match the real tone of them. The sweater she wears probably leaves her skin damp, but the little glint of sweat around her nose makes her look adorable. Donghyuck wishes she just wasn’t so bad at picking men.

Because there he is, choosing a song as one of his friends—to be honest, he had just tagged along with Mark’s group because they were good fun, but he doesn’t consider them that close to him—asks him to. He turns around, making his dramatic entrance and singing while looking at her. When she realizes which song it is, she cackles immediately, tossing her head back and yet, not stopping looking at him.

Yes, he wishes that the only way he got her to look at him wasn’t by singing Vanilla Ice’s ‘Ice, Ice, Baby’ but he knows that’s the only way he can get her to remember who he is.

He moves his hair around, parting his legs and reciting the songs like the palm of his hand. He gets off the table, extending his hand and taking hers in his even when she covers her face. Donghyuck feels a blush rise up his cheeks, could be the beers he has had or the fact that he is looking at the screen to remember the next verse because of his mind is a blur, his tongue is intertwining in words that he can’t let out at this moment.

When the song is over, the moment isn’t. Donghyuck splays himself next to her side, their knees touching and his eyes immediately going to her profile. He expects her to see her looking away, but her eyes are already on him, looking from one orb to the other and he might go insane—

God, since when was she this hot? This beautiful?

He remembers being annoyed at her, much more at Yangyang, but she was friends with Eunbyul for a reason. Then, he pretended to be her first time at a party because she was still into that asshole Felix. Now, she’s dating another asshole and he wishes nothing more than for her to open her eyes.

“You’re blushing?” She questions, splaying a hand on his cheek before pinching it softly. She’s in awe, but she can be even more surprised when he lets his fingers spread on top of her own, closing up her palm to his cheek so she cups it with more intent.

“Maybe.” Donghyuck slurs out, chuckling a bit before pushing his face forward the slightest. They are only breaths away, her mint mixing with his beer. “How does one get you to blush?”

She chuckles at that, shaking her head. “It’s been long since that’s happened.”

He can’t imagine not bathing her in reasons as to why look at the world in a romantic glare, and maybe he’s insane for it. Donghyuck pulls her hand down, trying to stop the beating of his heart and the stupidity that threatens to slip from his lips and ruin what possibly is some kind of…friendship? “I can make it happen, truthfully.”

“I don’t think Vanilla Ice has it in him.”

“Vanilla Ice doesn’t. I do.” Donghyuck replies, and maybe it’s the invitation in her eyes when she lets go of his hand and stands up, looking over her shoulder before walking away from the karaoke room that has him following after her.

Donghyuck doesn’t have a second to think when he catches her by the forearm before she walks away. Her chest collides against his own, taller than he was when they were younger, and definitely in a position that they never had been in before. His black t-shirt becomes his axis as she looks into his eyes, cutting the distance between the two and capturing his bottom lip in the softness of her own mouth. She kisses with gentleness, a bit of trembling to her body that he stops by pulling her closer, molding her hips with his own, back contorted to the dip of his stomach.

Donghyuck wishes it didn’t feel fitting for him; everything that she does, he means. From running her fingers through his hair, to the way her body shakes, heart racing against his ribcage. He pulls away to look at her closed eyelids before dipping in again. Her hand disappears under his shirt, touching the skin that he knows he’s insecure about, the places in which he hid his overthinking…

She touches him like this means forever, and he doesn’t even know what that means.

He pushes her to the wall, her back landing softly as his leg gets lost in between her own thighs. A small trembling breath leaves her mouth, opening her eyes and looking at him as his thumb traces her bottom lip.

She’s not his, and she proves it when closing her eyes tightly and saying: “God, what am I doing?”

He’ll be an interrogative, even an insecurity for her. A secret that she’ll broom under her memories to never get out. She had touched him as if she meant all those words she said at the bathroom. That he was kind and irreplaceable, and here he is, being a band-aid to a wounded heart.

“Excuse me?” Donghyuck asks, pulling away the slightest and laughing sarcastically at her words, though it doesn’t last long.

“Donghyuck, I—”

“You say it as if I’m fucking disgusting to kiss.” He compliments and she doesn’t say a word, looking over to the side and biting that lip that he wants nothing more than to kiss. “Look at me.”

“No. I…I can’t. I’m seeing someone, Donghyuck.”

“Someone like everyone else you’ve had. You don’t know how to see someone who truly respects you.”

Now she looks at him, glaring directly through his heart. “Donghyuck, you don’t know how this shit is.”

“Yes, I know how you are. You stay and feel guilty for acting with your heart once just because you believe tying someone who doesn’t want you to you is going to make them stay.”

“Don’t say stuff like that!”

“When have they ever stayed, huh?” He asks, only to have her pushing at his chest, pointing a finger at him.

“Well, I’m not sure you’d stay either! It always starts like this, with promises of being different and I always end up hurt!”

She shakes her head, giving a few steps backwards away and towards the entrance. He calls her name softly, clicking his tongue at not knowing precisely what to say.

He could start with what he feels. Hey, I’m not sure when these feelings blossomed, but I am not willing to kiss anyone else but you. Not willing to be of anyone, but yours.

“Thank you for reminding me.” She adds. “No one fucking wants me as more than a moment—”

“I could say the same about you.” Donghyuck replies, crossing his arms over his chest, hating how prideful he can be. “You called me so many beautiful things, even fucking kissed me back, and yet…I’m not enough to make you change your mind.”

He hates to see the tears that she tries to make disappear by blinking, or that she doesn’t have any words to say. Not even an excuse as she picks up her bag and turns around.

She leaves.

Don’t they always?

BLAME IS ALWAYS SHARED. THREE DAYS LATER.

The peak of her idiocy comes when she looks at her phone while in class.

She’s seated at the very back, jotting down notes on her laptop about what her classmate is explaining, but she gets distracted. In fact, all she has been able to think is the way Donghyuck’s lips spread on hers, how his body molded perfectly to hers and how bad it feels to cling to Yuta in hopes of making her feel the same. The same way even when he doesn’t text her as much anymore, or how he has been avoiding seeing her for the past few weeks.

But looking at her phone gets her to look at his social media, because that’s the hobby that she has partaken on to feel a little closer to him. His Twitch, most of the time unused, blinks with the appearance of a new stream. He’s playing one of his favorite videogames, as relaxed as ever, as if they weren’t going through a point in their…who is she kidding? This is also not a relationship, just like everyone else she has had. And there she is, withstanding shit from a man who doesn’t even want to call her a boyfriend.

Who, coincidentally, also hasn’t responded to her ‘good morning’ text again. Great.

She looks at that conversation, then clicks back into Yuta’s Twitch stream, careful not to have the volume up. His now red hair is tied behind his back, one of his legs propped over the desk as he has one earphone on and the other tossed on top of his knee. His eyes cast down on the screen, though she sees his phone from her peripheral, on a corner of his lit-up neon desk.

So, she writes the text, even with a pattering heart and fear of making a mistake. Yuta is not the only man in the world, and this anxiousness that follows after her has been enough to make her crazy. Even break her sly friendship with Donghyuck.

To: Yuta Nakamoto.

You know what? I’m not here to stay with a man who would much rather stream on his forgotten channel than answer my text. I hope you have a good one, Yuta. It’s over.

She would want to say that she was the better person and that she didn’t stay in the stream until she saw his phone screen light up and him stopping his game to look at the conversation. His eyes widen for a fraction of a second, frowning his eyebrows before tossing a look at the camera and putting the screen face-down.

That’s an answer, right? He couldn’t give less of a shit and it could be easier to curse him out, call his phone and make a fool of him in the middle of the stream, but she puts her phone down as well. It feels liberating not to live through a screen, and she’s damn happy to do so.

One less worry, and more time for herself, finally listening to her class once again and writing in her computer. Heart weightier, but liberated from its confining chains. It’s easier to love oneself, she tells herself, or perhaps her career who will give her much more than a man.

Now, the problem is that her life is more than the complicated mess that Yuta made it out to be. In fact, she had messed it up a bit, too. Donghyuck roams her head when she gets out of her class, with zero messages from Yuta, but also nothing from him.

It feels worse not to have the possibility to text Donghyuck, because she knows the things they said and how hurtful they were. She knows she touched portions of his heart that he never let anyone see, much more after his break-up with that girl he had dated all those months ago.

Though, for the time being, she’ll concentrate on her exams and nothing more. That should do it. No men allowed in her head.

HOW DID THAT SONG GO AGAIN? WE DON’T TALK ANYMORE? A MONTH AFTER.

Eunbyul just had to make things difficult and offer free sweets for her best friends, didn’t she?

Donghyuck rubs at the same spot on the counter that he had been working on all those minutes ago after she had gotten here. Like every Thursday, when she wants to spend some time gossiping with her best friend and braid Eunbyul’s hair as she speaks her elbows off. He rarely looks at them, considering that Eunbyul is the one to serve her the all-time-favorite, Caramel Cupcakes, but Eunbyul is down with the flu and her best friend is still coming, nonetheless.

Today, she is wearing a suit. She has worn more of those nowadays, considering that she’s working on her thesis and also interning. Information that Donghyuck got to know about thanks to his cousin, and he pretended he didn’t care, but he would not lie to himself and say he is not a little bit proud. Even though he can’t bear to remember that night in which everything came crumbling down.

At the end of the day, according to Eunbyul, Yuta and her were over just a few days after that night at the karaoke bar. Not that she knows about the shared kiss, but she had spoken from the bottom of her heart saying how sorry she was that something like that happened. Donghyuck wasn’t surprised, but still.

Worst part is that she came to the bakery just as they were about to close, and she’s looking at the menu as if she isn’t going to pick the same thing as she always does. She doesn’t call him over, instead standing up and letting her heels ring in the silent golden bakery. The leftover pastries glisten behind the glass, waiting to be microwaved and enjoyed before the shop closes, but the only client is her.

And Donghyuck’s breath traps in his throat when she looks into his eyes. As always, concentrating on one eye and then the other. As if she can’t take all of him in just in one go.

“I want a croissant.”

Donghyuck shakes his head, stopping his motions on the counter and fixing the beige apron around his waist. “You never have a croissant. I saved you a Caramel Cupcake.”

Alright, that’s stupid. He can’t believe he said it out loud. Silence prolongs between the two, eyes staring at one another before she clicks her tongue.

“Why would you?”

“You always ask for the same thing.” He responds quickly.

“You hate me, Donghyuck.”

“I never said I did.”

“But you do.”

“I’d like to say I do, yes.” He tries to play it off coolly, only to have her laughing a bit. She leans forward, playing with the collar of her gray jacket.

“I don’t hate you.” She tells him, licking those nude lips that he has to stop looking at because she’s totally not interested in him. “And I’ll take the caramel cupcake, sure, but the croissant, too.”

He turns around, ignoring her as he starts the microwave with the croissant inside. He packs the cupcake up in those pretty see-through boxes with yellow ribbons that Eunbyul had ordered for her shop.

“Why don’t you hate me? I said a bunch of nasty shit to you.”

“It’s easy to say I hate you. Harder to do so, I think.” She answers, and he doesn’t see her, but he imagines her lips parting and sighing softly. “Because the things you were telling me weren’t wrong, Vanilla Ice.”

He seethes through his teeth, turning around and spreading his hands behind him, crossing one leg over the other. “You have never seen me as anyone else than Eunbyul’s little cousin who had a video of him rapping, haven’t you?”

“I hadn’t.” She says and he swears he sees her patting the tips of her ears, as if checking if she’s blushing. “…Until someone decided to kiss me and make things complicated.”

“You kissed back.”

“I did.”

“Then?”

“We made it complicated. There, better?”

“Worse.”

“Agreed.”

The microwave beeps in time for him to cut the conversation, turning around and packing in another bag with the bakery’s name imprinted on it the croissant. When everything is done, Donghyuck serves it in front of her, their fingertips barely touching when placing it upon her hands. She won’t eat there, that he is sure of.

She parts her lips, as if to say something important, before she looks down at the sweets on her hands. Instead, she spreads her ribcage in a long breath before saying what disappoints him entirely, yet the most fitting thing to say in this situation.

“See you, Donghyuck.”

With that, she leaves. As if nothing happened. At this point, he may start to believe that nothing will ever happen.

Yangyang just had to propose to Eunbyul on Halloween, didn’t he?

The thing is…all would have been alright if he hadn’t decided to involve everyone in his Halloween proposal. It was going to happen at their house, of course, but he wanted it to be in the middle of a Halloween party, with everyone dressed up as the cheapest costume they could find. Yes, that’s precisely Yangyang asked for—because he didn’t want to scare Eunbyul off, he said, but he also wanted it to be in an important date and Christmas was a little too far away—.

Now, the problem was that she wanted to be Wednesday and the costume that she bought online had come two sizes smaller. Instead, she’s left with a dress that doesn’t close behind her and a black coat on top of it to cover up the fact that she can’t breathe completely without feeling the fabric tear a bit. It’s either that or wearing Yangyang’s sexy Spiderman costume, and she doesn’t think it’s a great idea…

The celebration downstairs booms with laughter and the brief sound of music, with the closest family and friends hanging out, but she wants to see her two best friends get engaged.

Okay, she’s getting the dress off.

Though, her own hands and a bit of fidgeting is not enough to get the second skin off. Yes, because this black dress counts as a second skin now. A bit more moving and a few jumps in front of the mirror are interrupted by the door opening, a screech leaving her lips when she sees a man in all black clothing with a pumpkin on his head, with eyes and a mouth carved, but still.

“What the fuck?!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” The voice is completely familiar. Donghyuck fumbles with the doorknob, eager to get out of the room before she calls out his name. That makes him stop, though he turns around slowly, comical considering he hasn’t taken off that damned pumpkin head.

“I can’t get this dress off and it’s literally killing me. I can’t breathe—” She speaks a little too quickly, huffing when extending her arms behind her back to ease herself from the tightening fabric.

“Alright, I’ll help you. Stop moving.” Donghyuck gets the pumpkin off from his head, tussling his hair up with a hand—light brown strands as of now, long and gorgeous in their messy stance—. He nears her, turning her around and from the view she gets on the mirror of the two of them, his gaze lingers on her back the slightest before he bites his bottom lip. “Would it be okay if we tugged down? I think it has more of a chance of going down your hips than up.”

“O—Okay.” She answers, letting his strong hands settle on the fabric around her waist and tug down, bringing her arms down. “Ouch!”

“It’s moving. Just…stay still. I’m sorry for doing this.” His legs spread when kneeling behind her and she goes where her mind is going, but Donghyuck’s hands keep working on tugging the dress down, the sleeves now off, skin tainted and burning, while her arms spread on front of her chest to cover her bra.

“I hate that I’m in this situation.”

“I’m not looking, I promise.”

“That’s the bad part, I guess.” She jokes around, though Donghyuck doesn’t laugh, looking at her through the mirror before looking up.

“I was about to say something but you’re like half naked—”

“Just say it and get it over with.”

“Don’t play around, that’s all.”

He gives a few more tugs until the dress pools at her feet, her hands clinging onto the coat and spreading it on top of her body like a robe before turning around. “Thank you.” Donghyuck nods curtly, about to put on his pumpkin mask again before she says: “Is it that hard to believe that I find you attractive, Donghyuck?”

He stares at her, blinking slowly, before he raises his eyebrows. Then, his hand finds leverage on his nape. “I mean…you’ve never been into me—”

“In the past, I hadn’t.” She tells him, getting closer and tightening her hold on her coat. “But me going every week to Eunbyul’s bakery has to mean something, right? I miss us, Donghyuck. What we were in those weeks. What we could have been in that night we kissed but…” She trails off. “I don’t want someone who won’t take me seriously and if you do the same as everyone else, I’m afraid I won’t be able to try again.”

She can’t believe that the arrow that Cupid apparently throws had landed on Donghyuck, how he gives a step forward too and looks from her lips to her eyes, down again. “I would never hurt you. Not again.” For some reason, from him, she believes it. He could be his own self, perhaps fights would ensue, but she knows he is the most truthful person she can find.

“I would ask you to promise, but I don’t want to hear any more promises.”

“That’s not wrong,” He spreads his hand on her cheek. “Because if we are going to try this out, I plan to show it to you.”

Her lips connect to his own, relishing on the feeling of his hand dropping from her cheek to her neck back to her nape. Her heart doesn’t hammer, it feels tranquil, with anxiety going out the window as Donghyuck smiles against her lips.

For the first time, she might be called a girlfriend.

And for the first time, she realizes that sometimes love hides in the people she knows, not the people she doesn’t.