#Doug: hey what's happening?

[clonerightsagenda]

I am not typically interested in making up new characters for existing media properties, but I am very attached to Persephone, the mother program for the Hermes relay station that the group chat made up.

She got collared while the rest of the crew got bolted, and when the survivors swing by the Hermes to make sure there's not anything or anyone salvageable left behind, they're greeted by an oddly vacant, chipper AI program who's happy to help - until she sees Miranda and loses her goddamn mind.

[primatechnosynthpop]

The other day while trying to think up hypothetical surnames for mel flightoftheconchords (not for any particular reason, just as a thought exercise) I accidentally stumbled into a crack theory about her parentage but I initially got my math completely wrong so now I'm struggling to come up with a way for it to still make sense

[munsonsmixtapes]

Something More

fuckboy!Eddie x fem!reader

summary: you and Eddie have been hooking up with each other for a while and have unknowingly been falling from each other. After overhearing him talking with his friends, you’re convinced that he only sees you as a hook up, but he’s more than willing to show you just how down bad he is for you.

based on a comment from this post!

cw: hurt/comfort

If anyone had asked if you liked Eddie Munson romantically, you would have easily said yes, gushing about how sweet he was despite his reputation for being an asshole. You told anyone who would listen. Everyone besides Eddie, that is. You had been afraid to tell him even though your romantic attraction to each other had only gotten stronger every time you hooked up.

You could tell he was becoming interested by the way your hook ups when he started out by kissing you instead of it all just being penetrative. With the way he held onto you gently as he slowly thrusted into you, nothing but encouraging words falling from his lips.

You and Eddie had also been hanging out outside of hooking up, catching a movie here and there or just cuddling in his bed to watch a tv show. You were falling for him fast and hard and this time, you didn’t want to stop. You didn’t want to run away like you usually did, but you still couldn’t get yourself to mention it to him.

Eddie had invited you over to watch yet another movie and you accepted, finally deciding that you were going to tell him how you felt. Sure, you were terrified of rejection, but you were pretty confident that he felt the same way.

You opened the front door that Eddie unlocked for you, but stopped when you heard other voices. Just by listening, you could tell that it was the usual suspects since Eddie wasn’t really close to anyone else. You were about to close the door and wait out their visit since you didn’t want to intrude, but you stopped when you heard your name.

“What about y/n?” Jeff asked. Your ears perked up at that. What about you? Why had you even been brought up in the conversation? You were just one of Eddie’s many hook up’s, right?

“I don’t know. She’s different.” That statement could have gone either way and you weren’t sure which one he was going to be.

“Different how?” Gareth asked and you stepped closer to hear better.

“I can’t explain it. Sex with her is just…different.” Now he was talking about your sex life with his friends? How often did that happen? Thinking about it made your stomach churn.

“Different, huh? Falling for her already?” Doug teased and you watched Eddie shove him.

Maybe you were wrong and all of the nice things he said were just to get you back into bed with him. That did seem just like him. But maybe it didn’t because you think you knew him well enough to know he wasn’t that kind of guy, no matter what people said.

You went to shut the door, thinking that you had heard enough, but your foot got caught on the step leading into the house, causing you to fall into the foyer with a loud thud. All four pairs of eyes turned to you and Eddie was quick to rise up from the couch.

He rushed to you and helped you to your feet, making sure you were okay and didn’t need any bandages. Once you brushed yourself off, you turned to leave, not wanting Eddie to see the tears that were welling up into your eyes.

You raced out the door and Eddie was hot on your heels, reaching out for you, but you were just out of reach. He called after you as you headed to your car and you stopped as you opened the car door.

“Hey,” he said softly, reaching out to wipe away your tears, but you beat him to it. “What’s with all the tears, hm?”

“Nothing, it’s nothing.” You turned away from him, staring at the driver’s seat, the idea of leaving sounding very inviting.

“It’s not nothing if you’re upset, darling.” The name that usually made your heart flutter now made your stomach feel sour. How dare he call you that after what he had said about you?

“Don’t call me that,” you pointed at him before slamming the car door and standing in front of him. “You don’t have the right anymore since I overheard you talking with the guys.” Tears were welling up in your eyes again and now you weren’t going to stop them.

Eddie honestly had idea what you were talking about. What had you thought you heard? He hadn’t said anything that would have hurt your feelings. At least, he didn’t think he did.

“What did I say?” He was desperate to know so he could fix it. Seeing you cry was like a stab to the heart and he really couldn’t take it anymore. He wanted nothing more than you pull you into his arms and comfort you as long as you needed it.

“You were going to tell Doug that you don’t have feelings for me. Now if you’ll excuse me,” you turned back to your car, but Eddie grabbed your wrist and turned you around to face him. He pulled you to his chest, his brown eyes turning into that honey color you admired.

“I was going to tell him that I have feelings for you.” So you were right. All of your suspicions had been correct and you had been upset for nothing. Now you were beginning to feel stupid.

“You were?” Your lips parted and your eye widened in shock, still in disbelief.

“I was. I’m in love you with.” Your mouth fell open at his words and then a wide grin broke out on your face as you threw your arms around his neck. For once in your life, your feelings were actually reciprocated.

“You are?” Your words came out as a whisper but Eddie could hear you loud and clear.

“Completely and totally,” he breathed, his arms wrapping tighter around your waist. As soon as the words left his mouth, you pressed your lips to his, pulling him in for a kiss.

Eddie let out a gasp but quickly melted into you, moving his lips with yours. You smiled into the kiss and he couldn’t help but smile as well, the both of you laughing into each other’s mouths, your teeth clicking together.

“In case it wasn’t obvious, I love you too,” you told him, pressing another kiss to his lips.

“And thank god for that,” he replied, slotting his lisp between yours, that being one of many kisses to come.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

can you do mike schmidt x reader with abby trick-or-treating?

NOTE: This takes place after the movie

........

"Come on, slowpokes! Keep up!"

"Abby, don't go too far!"

"Relax, Mikey. She's just going two houses over. There's other kids already there. See?" You calmly pointed out the decorated home that Abby was rushing towards, disappearing into the crowd of kids who complimented her costume.

She was dressed as her "friend": a yellow version of Freddy Fazbear complete with a mask she painted, a yellow undershirt, and a black vest that was a tad bit too big for her.

Curiously enough, she removed one ear from the mask and covered one eye with black paint. But it didn't bother either of you too much, thinking she wanted to do something unique and creative with her costume.

Considering everything that happened at Freddy's Pizzeria, you were surprised that she wanted to dress up as one of the characters at all.

Yet neither you nor Mike recall ever seeing a "Golden Freddy". Not even backstage.

But you did, however, meet a golden Bonnie...and the person wearing his suit was none other than the bastard who murdered those poor children, including Garrett.

You just hoped their souls were finally at peace now, and that William rotted away in that suit, never to be found again. It was a rather fitting punishment--the perfect karma someone as sadistic as him.

Sometime later, you started dating Mike after you both officially quit that job, found something new to save his home from eviction, and helped him regain custody over his sister (Doug was more than eager to write you both off as her legal guardians).

He still had his nightmares, of course, that now involved visions of a decayed Springbonnie suit chasing him through that same forest. But you were always there to wake him up, cuddling together and helping him fall back to sleep without needing to down a bunch of pills.

He's genuinely been trying to depend on them less and less. Abby notices it, too, and has incorporated you in her drawings now, standing beside her happy-looking brother.

It's her own way of saying "thank you", and you accept it wholeheartedly.

When Halloween rolled around, you and Mike got too work decorating the house, surprising his sister after you picked her up from school. She did mention how he used to do the "bare minimum" before you came along.

And by that, she meant that Mike only ever put a jack o'lantern outside, a bowl filled with cheap candy, and a sign that said "take one".

Well this year...you made sure to buy better candy bars for the kids this year and add the finishing touches to the outside of the house. After that, you both took her trick-or-treating.

While she was occupied at the current house, you and Mike stood back to admire all the decorations and other costumes people were wearing.

"I honestly thought that whole near-death experience with the robots would've scarred her for life, but...she's been doing better." He remarked. "A lot better. It's like nothing ever happened."

"Well..she did help those kids find justice. They never knew their killer was standing right in front of them..they just needed that little push to finally recognize him."

"I'm surprised she hasn't told the whole story to her teacher yet."

"...because she knows we'd probably get some phone calls about that." You chuckled lightly, squeezing his hand.

Then you noticed Abby leaving the house, running down the steps and about to cross the street to reunite with you-

"Hey, hey, hey." Mike let you go to put both hands out, and she stopped in her tracks, mere inches from the road. "What did we talk about before we left the house, Abs?"

"...look both ways before I cross the street?"

"Exactly."

Huffing, she quickly glanced to her left and right, deeming it safe to cross. And only then did she resume her sprint, removing her mask once she was in front of you. "[Y/n], look at all these chocolate bars I got so far!"

You looked into the pillowcase, nodding in agreement. "Wow, you did get a lot! I sure can't wait to gobble them all up when we get home." A coy smirk appeared on your lips, watching her eyes widen in shock.

"Nooooooo, they're mine!" Protectively holding the sweets to her chest, she pouted and looked to Mike for help, yet he simply shrugged.

"I dunno, Abby.." It was hard for him to hide his own smile. "[Y/n] and I gotta make sure they're safe to eat, so we're gonna take one bite of every single bar-"

"Now that's just cruel!" She stomped her foot.

"We're only joking, sweetie." With a chuckle, you ruffled her hair, watching as she put her mask back on. "I think the next street over has a little haunted house maze. Do you wanna go check it out?"

She perked up and nodded in response, heading down the sidewalk with a spring in her step. You linked arms with Mike and followed her, looking around at the rest of the decorations.

But your eyes soon lingered on your boyfriend's soft brown ones, and he gazed back at you for a few moments. "What?"

"Nothing." You shook your head, smiling lightly. "I'm just...glad to be with you."

"So am I." He kissed you on the cheek. "Thank you, truly..Abby deserves a good Halloween."

"I think we all deserve a good one."

Unbeknownst to the three of you, there was a peculiar figure standing across the way. He was hanging out near the trees, almost perfectly blending in with the surrounding darkness so that nobody else could notice him:

A large mechanical bear with dirty yellow fur, one ear, and one glowing blue eye, smiling fondly at Abby and her costume.

It's good to see that she had not forgotten.

[raphael-angele]

Bianca di Angelo and Her Reputation as the Child of Hades

POV: Bianca visits Nico, who is staying with the Jackson family + Paul and Annabeth for school time

Sally, getting a call from the principal: Okay. Okay, please wait. I'll ask her. Bianca, dear?

Bianca, playing mythomagic with Nico and Paul: Yes, Ms. Jackson?

Sally: I just got a call from the principal. Did you tell a few boys to turn themselves in for bullying?

Paul:

Bianca: ...I remember doing something of the sort.

---

Bianca, dropping off Nico to school: Okay, now, you remember what to do if someone calls you that again?

Nico: I tell an adult or Mr. Blofis.

Bianca: That's right. *kisses his forehead* Go.

Nico: Bye, Bia! :) *waves goodbye and leaves*

Bianca: :)

Random guy: Hey. Haven't seen you around here before. You new?

Bianca, getting bad vibes: No, I go to the other side of the school. I'm just dropping my brother off.

Guy: I'm Doug. I'm...part of the welcoming committee here.

Bianca: not interested.

Doug: Psh. Give it 30 minutes in the janitor's closet and-

Nico, running over: BIA! Look, I made this flower yesterday *shows paper flower*

Bianca, smiling: That's very pretty Nico. Why don't you go show your teacher?

Nico, sees Doug: *hides besides Bianca* That's him. That's the guy who keeps calling me the f word.

Bianca:

Doug Friend: Get out of here, kid.

Bianca: Don't talk to my brother that way.

Doug Friend: Don't tell us what to do, bitch.

Nico: MY SISTER ISN'T A BITCH!

Doug: SHUT UP!

Bianca: ...Nico, go back to class.

Nico: ... *sticks his tongue out then leaves*

Bianca: *sighs* Why don't we start over? I'll take that closet offer if it's still available.

Guys:

Doug: Hehehe. Now that's more like it

---

Sally:

Paul:

Sally: What happened then?

Bianca: Oh, nothing much. Just a few things that I can't mention with Nico around.

Sally: Okay, well. The principal called to ask me how long you think he should suspend them for.

Paul: ...He...asked Bianca how long they should be suspended.

Bianca: Hmm, two weeks school suspension and one month detention should be enough.

Sally: ...I'll tell him that. *goes back to the phone*

Nico: I WIN!

Paul: What- AGAIN?! Okay, do over! I'm taking you down this time

Nico: That's what you said 5 times ago.

Paul: Hey, 6th time's a charm.

Percy, coming home with Annabeth: We're home!

Sally: Ah! Hey, you two.

Annabeth: Oooh. You guys playing mythomagic? Who won?

Nico: I DID! I WON 5 TIMES NOW!

Bianca: No, we were tied on the 3rd round

Percy: The weirdest thing just happened.

Paul: What is it?

Percy: I got called into the principal's office today. He said that there are some guys who wanted to apologize to Nico.

Everyone: *looks at Bianca*

Bianca: That one I had nothing to do with.

[writersmess]

LET’S BE A MESS TOGETHER | EVAN BUCKLEY

Pairing: Evan Buckley x fem!reader

Summary: after Buck gets injured during a call, you realize you can’t live without him.

Warning: angst but fluff at some point

Word count: 2k

a/n: hey there! This is my first time writing for Buck so im pretty nervous hehe english is not my first language so im sorry if there’s any mistakes. Also it’s based on 6x11, cause nobody knows how much I cried on that episode. Hope you enjoy!!

Masterlist

................................

You’ve been friends with Maddie for a while now. You’ve met in nurse school, and even after she moved to another town with Doug, you still managed to keep in touch. After you found out about everything she’s been through, you’re really important in her recovery. You two were really inseparable now.

Being so present in Maddie’s life made you participate in the major events of her life. Her meeting and falling in love with Chim, becoming a dispatcher, and the best thing that could have happened in her life, Jee-Yun.

As time passed by you really became part of her family and with that being said, you became a very important figure in the big family that was 118.

They all loved you.

You were so caring, loving, willing to help anyone any time. Oh and your hugs, they were the best. And because you work in the hospital, it was quite common to bump into one of them between calls.

Although you were close to everyone, it was this pair of big blue eyes that always catch your attention.

Evan Buckley.

No matter where you were, your traitors eyes were always searching for his, and that side grin. Whether in a crowded bar, or at the hospital, or even at Maddie’s house, there you were, involuntarily looking for him. And surprisingly those blue eyes were already looking at you from the other side of the room all the time.

And the touches.

Somehow you were always touching each other. There was always an excuse for your hands to search each other’s bodies. When he told a very bad joke and apparently only you laughed, your hand was patting his arm. When after your usual breakfast together he would fix the collar of your jacket. When on cold days your arms would reach for his for warmth.

Eventually your hands moved like it had a mind of their own, reaching out to grab each others hands even if your eyes didn’t leave whatever you were focused on.

Everyone noticed the way you acted around each other. And even when one was not around, the other would always brought their name into the conversation. It was very clear to everyone the way you two felt about each other.

But nobody understood why you didn’t get together soon, why it had to be so complicated.

And what nobody really understood, is why he chose Taylor.

This broke you in so many ways and everyone could see how hurt you were. The way you stopped going to the weekly meetings, or how you stopped going to the bar after shift, or how you started avoiding them in the hospital hallways.

Hell, even Buck didn’t understand what he did.

The problem is that he got too carried away with that one night stand, and the next thing he knew he was too involved in this turbulent and full of lies relationship, that he just couldn’t get out of it.

So it was pretty normal to be surprised when you opened the door on a weekday and saw him standing at your doorstep.

“i broke up with Taylor” he said looking at you.

“oh okay?” you let him in and while closing the door, you close your eyes and took a deep breath.

“im so stupid you know”

You did know

“im not trying to be rude or something, but i don’t get why you came to me” he looked at you confused “i mean, we haven’t been talking much since you started dating"

“i know and that’s why I’m such a fool. I should’ve never done that with you, with us.”

“look Buck I’m really not getting your point” your heart was beating so fast.

“my point is, that I’m a mess, okay? And I have this thing where i self sabotage in literally every aspect of my life, specially my love life”

You keep quiet as he blurted out.

“every single time i was with her, every touch, every breakfast, every lunch or dinner, I was thinking of you”

You were still seating on the couch while Buck was about to make a hole in the ground from walking back and forth.

You were so hurt. He chose her, and the minute it’s all over, he simply comes after you to pour out a bunch of words full of feelings. It wasn’t that simple. What about you? What about what you had felt for so long? It wasn’t fair.

“look y/n i want to be with you”

He knelt in front of you and put his hands on your face. You finally let the tears roll down your face.

“you have no idea how long I’ve waited for this Buck” you started and could see that beautiful smile in his lips, only to be replaced with a confused expression when you took his hands out of your face. “until I had my heart broken when you decided to be with Taylor”

“y/n pleas-“

“you don’t get to show up at my door after months with her and say you'd rather be with me. Not when I was getting used to having our Sunday breakfast alone, not when I was starting to go back to the bar with the guys, because looking at you didn't hurt so much anymore. Not when-“

He hugged you.

Buck hugged you.

The words could no longer come out of your mouth and you simply let the tears roll off your face.

“i’m sorry. I really am.” He looked at you again while wiping your tears away. Buck gave you a sad smile. “i’ll give you some space, but i swear I won’t give up on you. On us.”

And with that he left.

***

A few days has passed by and you were still trying to get yourself together after that night, but honestly you were hardly having time to think about anything since the days at the hospital have been intense due to these recent winds. You just couldn’t wait to get home and have some sleep.

Today was one of those days. The hospital was crazy, the atmosphere was tense. Each patient admission was a surprise and you just wanted it to end.

You were heading to the nursing bay so you could update some medical records, when your colleague called you aside.

“some bizarre case is coming up. The truck called the dispatch, i think it’s pretty serious.” She looked at you carefully.

You worked with a very special team, everyone got along very well and liked each other so much. So basically all your colleagues knew about your situation with Buck, but not because you went around talking about it, no. Everyone saw the way you treated each other when you met in the hallways, the care and concern for each other. And outside of it, too.

You had a bad feeling in your chest since you woke up, something was not right. The rain was heavy outside and from afar you could hear the sirens approaching.

And suddenly it was as if the ground opened up beneath you. Bobby was yelling to the doctors about the patient’s condition, how he was having a cardiac arrest. Everyone from 118 was there, looking at the person on the stretcher. You were not prepared for this, you were not prepared to see Buck lying unconscious on that stretcher. When you threatened to run towards the team that would take care of him, your boss yelled at you to stay there.

“we’ll do our best” a doctor said before the doors closed behind him.

“do more” you heard Eddie scream behind you.

You were petrified. This couldn’t be real. You couldn’t speak, the voices around you were like hums, and your eyes were beginning to fill with water. You were in shock.

Bobby noticed how you were paralyzed in the middle of the way and went to meet you. He didn’t have to say a word. As he sat you down on a chair, you could see your hands trembling and sweating. Eddie crouched down in front of you and you looked into his eyes. He knew that you were about to collapse, he was also on the verge of a panic attack.

“w-what- is he-“ You couldn't form a complete sentence and you could notice the fear in your friend's eyes.

“i don’t know”

And after that he hugged you.

***

You were in the corner of the room watching Christopher talking to Buck and the tears kept falling down your face. You just couldn’t stop the tears to roll down your face every time you looked at him like that, your Buck. He was so vulnerable.

You were a completely mess.

You hugged them goodbye and cried even more when Chris told you to be calm, he was going to wake any time soon. He was so pure.

“i can’t handle much more like this. I need you here with me Buck” you held his hands tightly while speaking “i can’t lose you, not for good. you said you’re a mess, but so am i. I need you alive so we can be a mess together”

And this has been your routine for a few days. You spent the day with him until Bobby arrived and practically forces you to go home and rest. And that’s when he didn't bring Athena as a backup and she forced you to go home with her, because they knew you hadn’t been eating or sleeping properly.

But in the meantime, you tried to distract yourself by reading books, watching movies, or trying to tell some jokes to an unconscious Buck. God, you were being pathetic.

You were on your way back to the hospital after a few hours of rest when your phone started ringing non-stop. It was Bobby.

Your heart froze.

Something must have happened.

You didn’t answer the call, you preferred to go straight to the hospital room preparing yourself for the worst. You were confused as you noticed the movement in the room and how the laugher was heard from afar.

“buck?” you ignored everyone and went straight to him. Your hands ran down his face lightly, afraid that if you touched him too hard he would disappear.

“hey y/n” he said softly with that side grin.

“you scared the hell of me. Of us” you whispered getting your face close to him, your hands still touching him. He put his hands over yours.

“I said that i wasn’t giving up on you. You really thought i was going to brake my promise?”

You let out a muffled laugh as tears rolled down your face.

“you idiot. I love you so much” you could see that beautiful smile at his face “please don’t ever do that to me again, I need you here, alive” you murmured and leaned in to planted a quick and shy kiss on his lips. It was your first kiss.

“i love you, princess. I’m not leaving any time soon”

Everyone gathered around you two. Bobby gave you a side hug when you step back so that Christopher could hug Buck. He was like a father to you and Buck, so he was the biggest supporter of you being together, he could see how happy you were when you were together. You both deserved it, you deserved to live this love.

And even though everyone was around him celebrating his return, Buck’s eyes, as usual, were searching for yours, only to be met with your passionate and comforting gaze. Calming every fear and anxiety that could exist inside the firefighter’s heart, as you always did and always would.

After everyone had gone and left you two alone, Buck made room on the bed for you to climb up and snuggle into his side. You couldn’t look away from each other and Buck was giving small pecks on your lips every now and then.

“by the way, you’re a terrible joker”

You stared at him with confusion as he kept smiling.

How on earth did he know you were telling him jokes while he was unconscious?

What you didn’t know, and he probably would never tell you, is that while unconscious, Buck got a glimpse of a life he would never have. A life that made no sense, in a job he hadn’t dreamed of, without the friends he loved so much, and especially without you. You were the reason he fought his way back into this life. He couldn’t continue in a life, in a universe that you didn’t exist.

You were his beacon, who with your light so bright, guided him back to your side. The place he would never leave, never again.

[talesfrommedinastation]

My Redneck Neighbor Doug has watched The Bad Batch Season 3 opener:

LEEEEET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!

This is more pithy than normal: Doug's been busy with work, as have I. But I'm determined to hear his thoughts on The Daddy Warcrimes 'n Company so here we go!

These were all via text messages, btw.

CW: Doug Doug's as you know Doug will do. Away!

---------------------------------------------------

Episode 1: 'Little Orphan Blondie's Shit Internship at The Museum of Science and Industry'

Poor Little Orphan Blondie, stuck in The Museum of Science and Industry in a shit summer job because they got bills to pay. Except they got rid of the dinosaurs and walk in heart and filled it with gross shit.

Hey look, they still got the coal mine exhibit! Man I miss Chicago.

(Doug, that museum has never had dinosaurs. “What, since when?”)

MUTANT JIMMERS EVERYWHERE! Aw, Little Orphan Blondie gave one her chicken nuggets! And it’s shy, aw, I hope it’s okay.

Poor Mutant Jimmers…she named her?! Swear to Christ Almighty if that dog gets Old Yeller’d I’ll just lose it. 

That freaky alien thing that ran the mall on the ocean looks sad, I bet she wishes she fell into the water and got eaten by a shark or something. I wish you did too, lady. 

The Sons of Robocop really are everywhere, they must be a cult or something. They look cool, I’d join, why not. Think they get 401ks?

Oh man, Daddy Warcrimes is down bad. Poor Daddy Warcrimes. Man, all my clone boys are stooped and sad…this ain’t good. 

At least Little Orphan Blondie can craft! Man, she should start selling those at the Museum of Science and Industry’s gift shop. Maybe Tarkin can bring one back for the grandchildren he’s not allowed to talk to since the restraining order was put in.

Oh, there’s Stepsister Beth, she seems on edge. Must’ve gotten divorced recently, don’t blame her ex, I bet she screamed at him for leaving cabinets open who knows. How do her eyeballs not hurt after wearing those dumb glasses all day?

Episode 2: 'Night Elves and Neverland Ranch'

The night elves from Warcraft invaded Star Wars and got horns or something and now they have a castle that looks like a boss level in Diablo IV or V or how many Diablo games they got now.

Now they yelling at people and throwing them in the basement today. Makes sense, gotta fight the orcs and stuff. Think they fight the orcs in the basement?

The Night Elf Horned Queen hired Daddy Rambo and Julio to get people, I guess they’re turning into Boba Fett or something. They got her son's horn back, guess that's good. Oh they need new paint jobs on their armor.

Do they end up in the basement in the Diablo Boss Level? No? And off they go! 

Daddy Rambo and Julio are in their homeland of FLORIDA! Hell yeah, SPACE FLORIDA! And they’re bringing the talking trashcan with them using straps! Go Julio go!  Yeah, boa vines, this is TOTALLY the Everglades! 

Escaped clone boys! Oh man! Shit, is Neverland Ranch in the jungle? Oh man–oh, they know what they’re doing. Good kids. Real good kids. Oh what happened to the rest of them? Oh Meat Muffin, this ain't good :(.

You know what? Them clone boys are smart, take it back, this ain’t Space Florida, this is Space Louisiana! Them baby boys gone get feral and run off into the bayou and live in the caves and now you know my origin story, Meat Muffin! 

If this was Florida they'd just end up working the late shift at Zaxby's and smoking rocks in the parking lot. We know better, we French and all.

I bet they’ve been living on nutria and half-empty chicken boxes from behind the gas stations. Resourceful scrappy kids and I can tell its making Daddy Rambo proud.

Oh holy SHIT, there go them vines! It's like the kudzu all over again, maybe this is LaFourche Parish?

See, them boys are definitely white trash, Mandalorian rednecks. Look at em, living in the woods and hijacking a plane, but they good kids, saving their brothers. Even saved the robot too. 

Man, all the feels, them poor little boys. What will they do now?  Oh, they're going to Space Daytona! Good, wait, I saw the trailer, doesn't the Empire invade it? THIS AIN'T GOOD MEAT MUFFIN!!!

Wait...where's Toaster Strudel and Rex?

Episode 3: 'Blondie Got a Gun'

Well here's the Emperor. He wants to be immortal. Gotta make that other movie make sense or something.

Where's Darth Vader? Is he running the government when the Emperor is running around giggling?

Don’t you DARE kill Mutant Jimmers, you damn droid. I hate that ugly assed stupid thing. It looks like its scarecrow daddy fucked a microwave and then left it enough money to go to Planned Parenthood but instead spent it on crack and there ya go.  

Oh shut your goddamned yap, Jimmy the Scientist. I bet he gloves that hand up because he keeps shoving it up his own ass and that's why he walks funny all the damn time.

The Emperor also has a Diablo IV or VIII boss level all to himself too at the Museum of Science and Industry. How many Diablo games are there, Meat Muffin?

YEAH, LITTLE ORPHAN BLONDIE! GIT ER DONE!!! They're out! Oh wow! There she goes with Daddy Warcrimes! Kill em all and let GOD SORT THEM OUT! That's my GIRL!!!!

Blondie’s got a gun 

Blondie’s got a gun

Her whole world's come undone

Shooting droids is FUN!

GO MUTANT JIMMERS GO!!!! 

YEAH BLONDIE DADDY WARCRIMES AND MUTANT JIMMERS!!!!!!

I AIN'T A BULLS FAN BUT REPEAT THE THREE PEAT! YEAH!!!!!!

....so when we gonna get Toaster Strudel and Rex? Next one? Where's my reg boys?!

-----------------

Tagging those who missed my Cajun neighbor. LOOKS LIKE REDNECK DOUG IS BACK ON THE MENU, BOYS!

@skellymom @amalthiaph @eyecandyeoz @cdblake1565 @sued134 @merkitty49 @supremechancellorrex @yeehawgeek @wrenkenstein @techs-stitches @deezlees @autistic-artistech @perfectlywingedcrusade @auntie-venom @megmca @thecoffeelorian

[cissyenthusiast010155]

Except Me ~S16!Emily Prentiss xFem Reader

Inspired by @captainchilly ‘s post. Felt like this needed a blurb/fic of Emily finally getting fucked after the events of Season 16. With a cameo of S16 Spencer Reid!

Mommy…Master List

Requests & Prompt-List

Warnings: NSFW, 18+!!, pet names, smut, eating out, fingering, age gap (all legal), sex, etc.

Enjoy (;

It had been a week since the Sicarius case had closed, and Emily still couldn’t get a wink of sleep.

She was restless. Too restless.

There was so much unknown in the balance… What exactly was going to happen with Lee Duval? What was Gold Star? How were Doug, the Atorney General, and Tara’s ex connected to it?

In light of all this, Emily decided she would go visit one of her oldest and most trusted friends from the BAU— Spencer.

It was restless, too quiet Tuesday when Emily was making her way to the university Spencer was currently lecturing at.

Being a professor fit Spencer well; he had found more community and even a girlfriend. Emily was truly happy for him. But she also missed seeing his hope filled face and being around his information stuffed mind.

She sighed, exiting her parked car, and making her way to the lecture hall in which Spencer was just about finishing his 8am lecture on behavior.

Emily silently entered the classroom and waited patiently in the corner for Spencer to wrap up. He looked like he was truly in his element, Emily thought as she watched him talk.

Spencer noticed Emily the second she had entered the hall. He had sent her a warm smile as he continued to teach, followed by a look of concern washing over his face.

Eventually, Spencer wrapped up and dismissed the class, and the students all exited the lecture hall.

Emily made her way over to Spencer, “Hey Reid. How’s teaching treating you?”

“Hey Em, really good, thanks. How are you, I heard about your recent, more difficult case?” Reid responded, voice laced with concern and care.

As the two caught up, Spencer led Emily into his office for more privacy. They both sat down.

Emily sighed in defeat, “So yeah… and now where trying to figure out what this gold star is…”

“Emily, have you been sleeping?” Spencer interrupted Emily’s finishing conclusions on the case.

“Uh… I’m trying. It’s hard. Why?”

They both knew why…

There was silence in the room between the two old friends for a while.

“I… have a suggestion…” Spencer hesitated.

“Yes?” Emily asked, her features perking up at the sound of Spencer’s mind working out some sort of possible solution.

“When’s the last time you got laid, Emily?”

“I’m sorry?” Emily chocked on her own air.

“It.. it might be beneficial…” Spencer went right back to his younger, stuttering self, trying to explain himself, which made Emily’s heart melt.

He cleared his throat, “It might be beneficial for you. Sex is often shown to help with stress relief and insomnia.”

Emily scoffed.

“I wouldn’t even know where to begin.” She said while rubbing her temples.

“I may have someone.” Spencer offered.

“What?” Emily asked, not fully registering what Spencer was saying.

“A colleague of mine, a professor L/N, has her own set of obstacles, but the point is that she could benefit from having sex as well.”

Emily was flabbergasted.

“Spencer… You do know that just because we’re both not straight, does not mean we will immediately like each other right?” She skeptically questioned her friend.

“No, no, I know. But, will you just meet her? Her office is room 116.”

“Spencer, you amaze me sometimes…” Emily sighed in defeat, “But sure, if it will satisfy you, I will go talk to your colleague.”

Spencer had a grin plastered on his face at her words.

As Emily walked out to go find you in room 116, Spencer called out, “You can thank me later!”

Emily huffed as she made her way through the campus to your office.

Spencer wasn’t wrong though… She desperately needed to get laid…

But she was tired. She didn’t want to go deal with a rejection from a stranger. Especially right now.

Eventually, Emily found your office. She knocked at the door.

“Come in!” You called, while grading your seemingly never ending stacks of papers.

Emily heard your words, opened the door, entered the room, and closed the door behind her.

“Hello, How can I help you?” You asked the stranger in your office, setting your grading pen down for the moment.

“I’m Emily Prentiss, Dr. Reid’s friends.” Emily introduced herself, shaking your hand.

Your face lit up at her words, “Oh yes! I’m Y/N. Spencer has told me a good deal about his old team at the BAU. Please, do sit, although I don’t know exactly what I can do for you.”

Emily smiled at your kindness.

You both sat, and she began, “This is going to sound weird, but…” Emily took a deep breath, damn she hadn’t been this nervous in years… why was she this nervous…?

“But Spencer asked me to come down her and see you.”

“Oh is that so? And why might that be?” You asked, skeptical of what Spencer was pulling this time.

“He thinks… he thinks both of us need to get laid… and that we could help each other with our mutually respective dilemmas.” Emily tried to explain in, in the most understandable way, but she was being distracted by the butterflies in her stomach and the wetness pooling in her panties…

“He wants us to fuck?” You bluntly asked.

Oh, Emily was done for once you uttered those words…

“Yes.” She managed to respond with a even voice, even though her legs were clenching uncontrollably…

“Hmmmm…” you mused, taking in the woman in front you, you had to admit… Spencer taste for you was spot on…

“And what do you think? What do you want, Emily?” You asked the older, seasoned woman.

God, she wanted to hear her name in your mouth again…

“I think your quite young…” Emily responded with a slight strain to her voice.

“Hmmmm, does that bother you?”

“Not if it doesn’t bother you…” she whispered, her eyes clouding over with need.

“It doesn’t…” you immediately, lightly spoke back.

“Well in that case…” Emily began, but was interrupted as you got up from your chair.

You went over to the door, and for a second Emily panicked thinking you were leaving, but then she heard the lock click.

You then walked back and over to where Emily was sitting, scooting her chair to face you and not the desk.

“What were you saying…?” You whispered, looming over Emily, your eyes darkened with desperation.

“Doesn’t matter...” Emily whispered, grabbing your blouse and crashing her lips into yours. She pulled you into her lap, as her tongue explored your mouth.

You moaned in response, straddling her on the chair.

Emily grabbed a fist of your hair and pressed your lips into her hers even harder, eliciting whimpers from both of you.

Both of your hips grinded into the other in desperate need of some sort of friction.

You pulled away first from the kiss, quickly knelt down on the ground, and hurriedly began undoing her pants.

Emily realized what you were doing and moaned at the thought, quickly helping you to remove her pants.

You tore off her soaked panties and spread her legs across the chair legs.

“Please, god… fuck me…” Emily pleaded, grabbing your hair again and thrusting her soaked cunt to meet your face.

You happily complied to her request, diving into her pussy, lapping up her wetness and exploring her folds.

Emily moaned and mewled in delight.

You skillfully tongued through her folds, drawing out lewd moans which went straight to your own core.

And soon enough you felt Emily’s walls clenched around your tongue as she screamed out in pleasure.

You looked up after lapping up all of her juices to find a panting, sex fogged goddess.

You moaned at the sight.

Emily met your desperate eyes.

“Get on the desk, will ya love?” She lustfully moaned.

You quickly got up, sitting your ass on the edge of your desk.

Emily got up from her chair, legs a bit wobbly which you cheekily grinned at.

“Oh don’t worry Baby. You’ll be the one who can’t walk at the end of this…” Emily taunted at your cheeky grin towards her legs.

You gulped.

She grabbed your knees and guided your legs open for her access.

“I love your outfit, but it would look so much better on the floor, don’t ya think?” Emily purred.

You bit your lip and eagerly nodded, desperately removing all of your clothing.

Emily watched you, her mouth salivating at the sight of you.

You sat back on the edge of the desk, legs wide open for her access.

Emily hummed in delight.

She then kneeled on the floor, never losing eye contact as she licked a strip of your folds, causing you to shutter and let out a whimper.

“Please… no teasing…” you begged, bucking your hips up to meet her face.

Emily grinned at your begging, and complied with your request.

She just went straight into your pussy, tongue fucking your aching cunt relentlessly.

You grabbed and tugged her hair which only seemed to spur Emily on even more.

“Oh God!” You cried out, feeling yourself climbing to the edge of your high.

Emily couple sense your fluttering walls and how close you were. She added her thumb to your clit, and you were done for…

You came on her tongue, crying out her name, eyes rolling back in pleasure.

You panted heavily and whinced as Emily cleaned your sensitive cunt up with her tongue.

She came up to your eye level with a mischievous little grin and a face full of cum to match yours.

Her lips crashed into yours once more. It’s was intoxicating, your taste mixing with hers.

Eventually, you both pulled away breathless.

“Damn.” Emily exclaimed, “We should do that again sometime.”

You chuckled at her comment and nodded, too speechless to form any words.

[paranormalactivity5]

you were right in front of me.

༺♡༻

Bestfriend!Eddie Munson x fem!reader      

Notes: looked it up and apparently there is a member of hellfire named doug so he’s in this, y/n has an aunt. The confession is based of a tiktok i saw. As always constructive criticism and feedback is welcomed!

Summary: Eddie realizes hes in love with his best trend and a freudian slip occurs.

WC: 1.2k

Everyone was sitting at the Hawkins High lunch table in their assigned but, not assigned seats chatting along as usual, but when Eddie sat down he immediately noticed something was wrong. “Wheres y/n?” “oh she's helping her aunt move today, she didn't tell you?” Steve said confused, the two told each other everything. “No….” he replied confused himself, they did tell each other everything; why didn't she tell him? And this was such a small thing, why was it bothering him?

Gareth arrived at the table, sitting down making an upset “oomph” sound when he hit the chair “What up with you?” Robin asked “Bethany totally shot him down when he tried to ask her out.'' Jeff remarked “Yup, I saw it, he barely got past one word, crashed and burned” Doug said making a fake missile fall and explode with his hand for extra salt in the wound. “You love this too much! I mean you're basking in my humiliation!”. Everyone laughed  and then Robin interjected “Hey don't laugh at him, I'm just as bad, I mean Vicky doesn't know I like her and I can barely get a word in.” She continues to pick at the carrots on her plate. Everyone continues ranting about their relationships or, lack thereof when Dustin butts in “you know you've been awfully quiet over there Eddie?”

“What?” he asks confused “surprised he havent started wailing on about y/n.” Gareth says with a chuckle but quickly shuts up when eddie gives him a glare “Seriously what the hell are you guys talking about?” “how you’re so hopelessly in love with her but she dosent seen to notice?” robin states like its obvious, he dosent notice the smirk on her face when she says the last part. the whole table nods “she's so pretty, her style is so cool!” Jeff remarks quoting eddie “she's so smart!” lucas adds, this continues on until eddie relalizes, holy shit are they right? Is he in denial? I mean yeah he’ll admit that what he feels for her is a bit more then friendship but, is he in love?

Youve been helping your aunt move all day and were exhausted but now it was time to get ready for your weekly hangout with eddie and knowing you were going to see him gave you just enough energy to get there, eat some pizza, and watch a movie. As you were getting ready you were overthinking as you always did before you saw him; Should you wear a skirt? Or would that make it to obvious you were trying to impress him? You landed on just some black ripped jean shorts, some spiderweb tights and a metallica shirt with some combat boots. A simple outfit, a little over the top for movie and pizza but, maybe just enough for eddie to finally get the hint

When you arrived at eddies you hugged him like you usually do but he seemed stiff, which was odd because he would always welcome you into a big bear hug, sometimes even picking you up off the ground! He seemed so uncomfortable throughout all of “little shop of horrors” until you finally made the suggestion that you should smoke a joint and order pizza, maybe it would loosen him up and he would say what was so obviously bothering him

He began to rifle through the drawer next to his bed where he kept his own personal stash and pulled out all the things needed and began to grind up a small nug. Most of this happened silently, whatever was bothering him must be really bad, usually he would be talking up a storm.

He was feaking out, the second he saw her smile and felt him hug her he knew he was screwed. Hes definetly in love. As he was preparing the joint he decided he cant keep acting all weird she might catch on. Hopefully a joint can helf him lossen up.

About 10 minutes of smoking later and Eddie and defineitly chilled out some. Just as you were about to ask him what had him so worked up in the first Place the doorbell rang, Eddie got up to get it quite quickly, “That must be the pizza, ill go get it.” guess he was still a little nervous. In Eddie's head he was once again freaking out. Your eyes were heavy, your voice and body relaxed, you looked so pretty…..you always did, but since the realization he loved you it became increasingly hard to not throw himself into you, hopefully you didnt notice.

By the time he had paid the guy, gotten you both a slice and some beer you had picked up and began flipping through it. “You ever think about your wedding?” you asked “sometimes, why?” “there were some wedding dresses in this magazine…..i bet yours would be like, lord of the rings themed or something.” you snarked while chuckling “i meannnn…” he looks at you with a knowing look in his eye. “No you’re right that would be cool as fuck” you admit “expensive as hell tho.” you nod in agreement. “Well who would i be like your best- maid of- best woman..is that a thing?” or i could be the bride, you think to yourself. “Yeah i think thats a thing”

“Shit I mean you could be the bride who knows” he says laughing. Holy shit holy shit does he even realize what he just said? It seems he does when he looks up and you're staring at him “What?”  “you know like.. it's a possibility…like with all the roles you could possibly take its…in the realm. Not like I want you to be the bride” he lets out a small laugh. He's messing with his hands and touching his hair, which he always does when he lies. Hes lying. “You’re lying” you blurt out before you can stop yourself. “Huh?” “you’re playing with your hands and your hair while looking down, you always do that when you're lying….You like me?”  “I love yo-” he begins to admit nervously, but before he can get another word out your lips are on his, youre not sure what caused such confidence to come over you, maybe years of pinning. You could tell he wasn't expecting it but he soon melted into the kiss, years of what was thought to be unrequited love being poured in from both sides. 

Once you pulled apart you spent a moment just staring into each other's eyes. You're the first to speak “Why didn't you tell me?” the answer would've made you fall to your knees if you weren't already half straddling him “Baby I can barely hear my own thoughts when I'm with you.” you smile and giggle, hiding your face in the crook of his neck, he does the same. “Robins gunna freak.” you point out with a laugh and his head slightly turns to look at you quizzically. “She's been trying to set us up forever” you state. He thinks back to the conversation from later today…. he's going to have to thank her.

[princess-ibri]

For the Descendants kids with horrible and trashy names, how would you name them? From books and movies.

So I'll just go ahead and give how I changed each name for My Canon Descendants AU, to make them feel more like their own character/fit better with the og movies time periods/cultures. I didn't give them all unique names as the point of the project was to translate the Descendants kids into the actual movies, not make full OCs, (though I did end up making a few of those anyway xD) but I tried to at least adjust them.

Mal--Mallow (to go with the Nature name theme the Three Good Fairies had going on with their own names/Briar Rose)

Audrey I kept as it was actually a Medieval name!

Evie-- Eva, it's a pretty easy fix to more period accurate/Germanic sounding

Doug -- Doleful, to fit better with the Dwarfs Attribute names, plus he seemed kinda down in the first movie so the meaning felt like it fit

Carlos I kept because honestly I felt like it could fit in universe if Cruella's husband was a Spanish man, which he conceivabley could be

Jay--Jaamil, and no not because of Twisted Wonderland that just happened by accident xD

They orginally had Aladdin's deleted sin be named Aziz but there was already an Aladdin character named that in the TV show who was a villain so I changed it to Ahmed, like one of the other Arabian Nights heroes

Ben--I changed from Benjamin to Benedict as that was more French/period appropriate

Honestly I could 100% see Gaston naming his sons after himself so I kept Gastons 1 and 2 but I changed Gil to Gilbert (French pronunciation of course)

Lonnie...oh Lonnie. I changed her name to Chi, as with her patronymic of Li she would be Li Chi, which sounded similar to Lonnie but would actually be Chinese and is the name of a girl in a Chinese legend who slays a dragon, which was what I based her hypothetical movie plot on

Chad I changed to Charles, easy enough. Much more elegant and formal

Jane I just changed to Janet to make it a little fancier/Frenchier as well xD

Dizzy I changed to Daisy (though I suppose since she's French based, it really should be Marguerite...eh Daisy can be the nickname)

Uma I kept cuz honestly its a good name and her song is a banger 👌

Harry is fine, good pirate name, short for Henry, which also works. Harriet was fine too, just made her and Harry twins and made CJ go by her first name only of Calista.

Honestly with a pirate dad named Smee Squeeky and Squirmy also work, though they're definitely nicknames.

Celia works fine, it fits with the time/culture of 1920s New Orleans, though I did change Freddie to Frederique.

Getting into some book characters now:

Artie I changed to Amhar, a lesser known son of Arthur (could have done Mordred but as the kid was meant to be heroic I decided to go with Amhar, plus it started with A x)

Mad Maddy honestly isn't a bad name, but I did change it to Matilda to be a bit more Medieval sounding, plus linked her to Matilda of the Night, a Medieval witch legend.

(And apparently there's gonna be a son of Morgana Le Fay in the new movie named... Morgie. My gosh. Well we'll change that right back to Yvain. Her actual son, no she's not Mordred's mother no matter what the movies try to tell you she's his aunt and I will die on this pedantic hill)

Hadie I instantly changed to Zagreus. He's the literal son of Hades and goodness its such a better name. Same with changing Herkie to Hyllus. Also an actual son of Hercules and doesn't sound like a euphemism for throwing up.

Allie I changed to Mary Jean after the Real Alice's grandaughter, and when I made my Queen of Hearts Kid D4 hadn't been announced yet so I named her Aceline (a pun on Ace of Hearts)

Ruby and Anxelin weren't terrible names so I kept them, just made Anxelin a Dark Kingdom name xD (and apparently they're giving Rapunzel a third daughter in the new movie? Her name is just Zellie though...so I think I'll just keep these two. Zellie could definitely work as being short for Anxelin and hey, Rapunzel had twins in the actual fairytale so two just works)

Wrapping it up:

Claudine isnt too bad and fits the time period but I changed her parent from Frollo to his brother Jehan cuz that man should never ever get to be with any woman.

Clay Clayton I changed to Cecil after the actual Clayton character in the books who wasn't that bad of a guy.

Yzla works fine as a name for Yzma's daughter. I just changed Zevon to Yzon to match better and not sound so much like he escaped the 23rd century

Ginny Gothel I just lengthened out to Ginevra to sound more fantastical

I didn't actually do anything for Pocahontas as it always kinda controversial to touch. But if I did I'd of course just make her descendant her actual son Thomas Rolfe and apparently they gave Ratcliffe a son named Rick? So...we'll change his name to Richard or--well one sec let me see if Actual Historical Governor Ratcliffe had any kids.

OK! Looks like he didn't but he did die horribly. My Gosh.

Anyway I think that's everyone!

[halogalopaghost]

Hey idk who needs to hear this, but tagging disfigurement/serious injury/etc etc as "body horror" Is Bad and I'm gonna need you guys to stop doing that immediately please. Tag as "gore", "injury", hell you can even tag "disfigurement", but injuries and/or physical appearances within the realm of physical possibility should not be tagged "body horror".

What you need to understand is that "body horror" is a fictitious concept. It's when something has too many eyes, too many ribs, a head that moves 360°, joints that bend backward, etc. Body horror is NOT a missing limb; burns or burn scarring; broken bones; disfigured, missing, or otherwise atypical of facial features; congenital disorders; surgical scars, etc.

When asking yourself if you should tag body horror, consider this: is it something that can happen to a real human person? If the answer is yes, don't tag body horror.

People with physical disabilities and atypical features suffer enough othering and stigma as-is; let's not talk about actual people like scary horror creatures, yeah?

EDIT: sighs. Ya'll have the reading comprehension of a fucking bonobo. I AM HYPERMOBILE, I know joints sometimes move a little funky. That's kind of the point here, no? If the mobility is within the range of an actual human then don't tag it body horror! Doug Jones DNI (joke)

[stickofcha0s]

'Walk In' Doug Remer x Reader Pt. 2

Read part one here

Pair: Doug Remer x afab reader

A/N: heyyy, thanks for the positive feedback on part one!! made me feel good about writing again. If you haven't read part one its linked above, I'd recommend doing so. I haven't written a scene like this in literal years so hopefully its good lol. If ti is lmk an I have a spicier part 3 in mind.

word count; 5,233

warnings: NSFW; oral (f! receiving), p in v, hj, slight roughness (little hitting and choking), more perv Remer. I think that's it but just prepare yourselves in case.

Summary: a few weeks after the 'incident', you accidentally walk in on Remer.

———————————

Walk in pt2

 It has been a week or so since the…incident. That’s what you were calling it.

After Joe had come home Remer was walking around like nothing had even happened.

You spent the rest of your night finishing the pasta which turned out a little too soft, and then hiding out in your room, flustered about the whole situation.  

Tonight Joe was out with Jenna and so it was just you and Doug at home. You were both on the couch watching Road Kill: Caught on Tape. Instead of the usual sitting side by side under a blanket, you were sitting at the opposite end of the couch, your feet tucked under you as you covered yourself with your own blanket. 

Remer had his head resting in his palm, beer in his other hand which he occasionally sipped from. 

There was definitely an awkward tension between you two and your pretty sure it was from your side. Remer could blow situations like this off with ease as he often had one night stands with fans or random chicks at the bar. 

You tried to focus on the tv, trying to distract yourself, glancing at him from the corner of your eye. You looked at the time on your phone 9:57.

You knew Joe wouldn’t be home until after 3, if he even decided to come home at all that night. He occasionally would stay the night at Jenna’s. 

You felt restless as you sat on the couch shifting. 

“You good?” Remer asked raising an eyebrow at you and bringing the can to his lips.

“Uh huh” you nodded. You watched his Addams apple bob as he gulped down the drink, just stirring up the restlessness feeling inside you. 

“I’m just tired, I think I might go to bed” you said faking a yawn.

“It’s only 10.” He pointed out. He was right. Usually you guys were up until the early hours of the next day watching movies or talking while shit faced. 

You shrugged “works been taking a toll on me” you explained trying to excuse yourself, rubbing your shoulder as if you were sore. 

He nodded “yeah, okay get some rest, yeah?” 

You nodded at him starting to get up.

“Hey- grab me a beer before you head out would ya?” He asked.

You gave him a thumbs up before heading to the kitchen, your blanket draped over your shoulder. 

You grabbed a beer from the fridge and a drink for yourself and some snacks, heading back over to the couch. 

“Here” you extended your hand out handing him the can. He reached out to grab it, fingers brushing yours.

“Thanks, you’re a doll.” he smiled settling back into the couch. “Sleep well” 

“Thanks..” you mumbled heading down the hall to your room.

You went to your room closing the door behind you. 

For the next few hours you were pent up in your room watching movies on your laptop, and snacking. 

Around 11 you heard the hall light click off. Remer had probably headed to his room. 

You waited until around midnight to wander into the kitchen to get some water. Your feet padded against the carpet, trying to navigate in the dark. You flipped on the kitchen light filling yourself a glass of water. You leaned against the counter taking in the silence. 

Joe probably wouldn’t be home anytime soon considering he hadn’t even bothered to text you to let you know.

You rested your head against the cool counter, it was hot and stuffy in your room and it got nearly unbearable during the summer months. Keeping your window open at night barley helped, it just cleared up some of the humidity. 

A soft noise broke through the silence of the apartment. You stood up straight looking around.

There it was again.

You let your curiosity get the best of you as you wandered towards the noise. Of course it was coming from Remer’s room. What was he doing now? 

The door was cracked open and a faint light leaked from the door across the carpet. 

The noise came again- a frustrated groan.

“Remer?” You asked quietly approaching the door. 

He could be having problems putting the sheets on his bed again. You always had to help him with that. 

You peeked through the door, your hand flying up to your mouth at the sight. 

Remer was lying on his bed, shorts pulled down just enough to have a hand wrapped around his hard, leaking member. Your eyes widened at the thickness. You wonder how you were ever able to take that during the drunk hookup a few years ago. 

Only his bedside lamp was on, illuminating the sheen of sweat that covered his face and bare chest. 

His glasses had slipped and were sitting on the tip of his nose as weak whines and pants came from his mouth, eyes screwed shut. 

His hand moved faster as he arched his back. 

“(Y/n)..”  he choked out in a panting moan 

Oh my god 

You held your hand up to your mouth as you moved out of the doorway as so not to be seen. 

Wait a second.

Was that-

He brought it up to his nose burying his face in it as he groaned, his hand picking up speed.  The sounds going straight to your core.

“Is that my bra?” 

As soon as those words had come from your mouth you clamped a hand over it. 

Shit. You hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

His head snapped towards the door, pushing his glasses up as he cried out going to cover himself. 

“Sorry I-“ you backed away from the open door. 

He quickly pulled his shorts up, a large tent still remaining. 

He panted softly. “I’m sorry-it was just there and you haven’t been talking to me-so you’ve been on my mind..“ he choked out his voice cracking mid sentence.

Jesus, he sounded so desperate 

You walked into his room, your knees weak as he sat up, your bra clutched in his hand. 

His eyes took in your body, again stopping at your chest. 

You snatched the bra from him, furrowing your eyebrows. 

“Perv..watching me.” He mumbled under his breath. 

You raised an eyebrow “what was that?” 

“How long were you watching?” Remer asked moving closer. 

“I-“ your cheeks flushed.

“It doesn’t matter-don’t take my stuff” you scolded trying to change the subject.

“I didn’t steal it, you left it” Remer protested. 

“Plus shouldn’t I be the one mad at you? You’re completely invading my privacy right now” he crossed his arms over his chest, getting up and towering over you. 

Some of the more loose curls were matted to his forehead. 

“I- your door was open!” You sputtered. “You sounded distressed and I thought you might need help or something-!” 

His eyes changed and a small smirk appeared on his face. “I mean, I could use some help” 

You rolled your eyes, in the process they got lost and trailed down his chest, a thin layer of sweat still covering his skin. Then Down to his member which was still straining against his shorts just begging to be touched. 

God…

“You’re gross” you scowled. 

“You’re a perv” he shot back. 

“I could say the same about you” You huffed softly. 

He looked down at you hungrily. Just his look made you nervous, your heart starting to pick up its pace. 

“I thought you were going to sleep” he said after a moment of tense silence. 

You shrugged softly. “I tried, I couldn’t..”

“Y’know” his hand swept from your wrist up to your shoulder. “I could help you with that.” 

“Doug..” you breathed disapprovingly. 

His brows furrowed. “Hey you can’t deny it, the energy between us has been different lately.”

He was right. Even before the incident things had shifted. You didn’t get after Remer as much when he was a little too touchy. And then after the incident the tension was so thick you couldn’t be within three feet of him without your stomach doing flips.

He stepped closer and leaned down his lips ghosting past your ear.

“Whadya say..” he breathed. He pushed his hips closer his hardened member pressing against you.

Fuck..

His words went straight to your core, feeling your body heat up. 

“Cmon it’ll be between us.” He persisted, twirling some of your hair around his finger. 

His lips moved down to your neck and his arms snaked around your waist. 

You let his lips ghost across the skin sending shivers through your body.

“You’ve been on my mind constantly since the other night” he mumbled against your skin.

“Oh yeah?” 

He nodded. “Can’t get the sight of you in your bra, looking helpless outta my head..” 

“You wanna know what really turned me on?” he asked as he started to kiss your neck softly. 

“What’s that?” You hummed. 

“When you hit me..” you could feel him smile against your skin as the words left his mouth. 

You looked down at him furrowing your brows, his curls tickling your nose.

“Huh? When I hit you?”

He nodded his head lifting up to meet your eyes again. “You’re hot when your angry” 

“Is that why you’re always trying to get on my nerves?” You asked smiling at the boy. 

He shrugged. 

Remer loved it when you got frustrated. The soft sighs and groans that left your lips as he hid your things around the house. He imagined they’d be close to the noises you’d make when he finally got his mouth between your legs. 

“What so you like it rough or something?” You asked laughing a little joking around. 

Remer brought his lips to your neck again. “Maybe” he mumbled. “Would you be upset if I told you I intentionally try to piss you off?”

“By doing what?” This intrigued you.

He hooked his arms under your legs as he lifted you up. You wrapped your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck. 

“Mm you know how your computer stopped working last week?” He asked against your shoulder. 

“Remer what did you do?” You asked getting serious, your smile disappearing. 

“I uh- well Coop was using the tv and I was just really horny- I had to get off and I was having trouble and-“ 

“Doug!” You gasped. You struggled against him until he let you down.

“Are you fucking serious?” 

“I needed something to get off to- I didn’t mean to download a virus.” he protested. 

“Remer I need that for work” you scolded him. 

He gulped softly as your voice started to raise. 

“I also, I did go through your drawers” he admitted sheepishly. 

You felt heat rise to your face. 

He started to approach you again.

“It’s just hard to control myself around you” he whined. “Your scent is just like intoxicating and you look better in your underwear than any model in a magazine I’ve ever seen.” 

You couldn’t have any privacy living with two guys. They were always in your goddamn business. 

“What, you want me to slap some sense into you?” You Huffed. 

His eyes lit up. “I mean maybe that’d help me..” he said trying to restore him composure.

He definitely had pissed you off. You’re laptop was unusable due to the viruses he downloaded and you would need to buy a new one, you could hardly afford it and had to pick up extra shifts to even make the first payment. And he had denied touching it when you had confronted him and Coop. 

But…the fact he liked being hit kinda turned you on and flipped a switch in you.

“Sit on the bed” you instructed. 

He did as told rushing over to the bed. You watched his hard on which had started to go away grow again. The sight making you weak in the knees. 

“I can’t believe you did that.” 

“M’sorry, I’m just horrible aren’t I?” He teased pouting a little. 

You bit your lip shaking your head in disapproval. He gulped nervously as you stood between his legs. His hands raised to your hips gripping them tightly. He looked up at you from where he was sitting. 

“Someone’s gotta teach you not to touch other peoples things” 

He nodded.

You stepped back a little watching him. “You’re always-always going through my shit. I never have any privacy.” You deprecated. 

You could see the excitement in his eyes grow as you went on. 

“You’re a fucking perv. Even to live here I had to expose some part of myself to you! You walk in without knocking, my clothing is always disappearing. When will it be enough?” You asked, getting yourself worked up. 

“I can’t help myself around beautiful women” he shrugged innocently.

That’s it, he’d get what he wanted so badly.

You raised your palm seeing him wince before striking him on the cheek. The sound echoed throughout the bedroom and a thick silence lingered after. Doug’s face was turned to the side and his glasses had slipped down his nose. 

A red mark was left behind on his cheek. 

He grinned a little after regaining his composure. “Let me make it up to you”.

He stood up again towering over you. He turned you so the back of your knees were pressed against the bed. 

“I’ll make you feel so good that you won’t have any choice other than to forgive me.” He looked down at you leaning forward. 

“Yeah?” You looked up at him then back down at his soft lips. 

“Mhm” his hand went to your chin tilting your head forward.

You don’t know how he could make your mood change back and forth this quickly. 

“I’ll show you How well I can behave” he moved your chin forward so your lips met. 

Sparks erupted in your stomach when you guys kissed. His hands trialing from your chin to your waist. 

When he pulled away he kissed your jaw softly. 

“‘N I still didn’t finish showing you what my mouth could do..”

This excited you your heart picking up pace. 

He stepped forward, forcing you to fall back on the bed. You scooted towards the headboard as he followed in suit crawling onto the soft mattress. 

“Let’s get these out of the way” he said placing his hands on your knees.

He parted your legs so he could get between them, his hands going back to grab your hips.

His hands slid under your shirt as he pressed kisses to your jaw, down your neck, sucking softly. 

He rubbed circles into your hips as you sighed.

He was good with his mouth. And he was still only above your neck. 

His hands slid up under your shirt, removing it.

“There.. now we’re equal” he smirked as he tossed it to the side. 

Now you were both shirtless.

He kissed down your chest as your hand went to his hair massaging his scalp softly. He hummed against your skin. 

He bit at the plush skin, causing your breath to hitch as you threw your head back.

“Mmm” 

“You like that?”

“Mhmm” 

He pulled your bra down releasing one of your breasts, coming free and bouncing softly. 

Remer could have cum right there just at the sight of the soft skin jiggling and your nipple hardening as it hit the air, excited.

Like last time his mouth was quick to attach itself to it. 

You let out a whine tugging on his hair. His moans vibrated against the sensitive bud causing you to tug even harder. 

You could feel yourself getting wetter by the minute, your muscles contracting around nothing.

“Fuck..” you breathed out as he let his teeth graze past it.

“Doug..” you whined.

You hardly called him Doug. Usually it was only when you were mad at him. You usually addressed both boys by their last name like some sort of teammate or something.

Remer loved it when when you called him this.

He lifted his head up to meet eyes, going back to attack your lips. He bit down on your bottom lip sucking as he let his hand snake between your thighs, cupping your heat through your shorts. His glasses pressed against your face as he hungrily kissed you. 

He removed his hand to hump against you, his hardened member poking your entrance through both your layers of clothes. You could start to imagine his girth just from that, making your heart beat excitedly in your chest. 

You whined as you gripped his shoulders bringing your hips down to meet his. 

He let out a low moan letting his hips buck back up, on instinct trying to push into you. 

Precum was already starting to leak through his shorts as he was painfully hard, basically getting unintentionally edged when you had interrupted him earlier.

“As much as I like this…last time you said you’d only just begun to show me your mouths abilities..” you mumbled as breathed into his mouth “I wanna see what else that mouth can do.” 

He pulled away grinning. 

“If you insist.” His mouth went back to kissing your body, leaving a trail down to your stomach, Kissing, licking, and sucking all its way. His kisses were hot and wet, leaving a noise every time he let his lips detach from your skin. 

When he made it to your waist band he sat up a little. He tapped your knees. “Up” 

You brought your knees up so they were bent, Doug still in between them. He kissed your navel, licking the skin. 

He sank down between your legs letting his nose rub against you through your shorts.

You gripped the sheets trying not to react. 

“God I can feel the heat through your shorts, I didn’t know you had the hots this bad for me” he simpered up at you. 

Your sure you were bright red from that comment. “Shut up” you scowled at him.

“Cchh-shh, calm down” he shushed. 

He hooked his fingers under your waistband pulling your shorts off. 

A smile crept up on his face as he pulled them past your ankles discarding them somewhere in the room.

“Shit, you do have the hots for me! Look how fuckin’ wet you are- I can see it through your panties” he grinned.

His words made your core throb, probably soaking the fabric even more. Of course you had the hots for him. Though you would never admit it because he could be the biggest ignorant and inconsiderate asshole ever, and you weren’t going to let him live with that satisfaction of his roommate fantasizing about being railed by him. 

“Y-you’re just convenient” you fired back.

“Sure thing boss” he hummed raising his brows.

After taking off your bra, He hooked his fingers under your panties pulling them down, revealing your heat, exposed. You shivered as the cold air hit you. 

He hooked one finger on each side of your underwear displaying it. 

“Mmm- y’know I won’t take your bra but I’m definitely keeping these.” 

You furrowed your brows at him.

“Remer- what did I say about taking my shit?” 

He balled the panties up pressing them up to his nose, inhaling letting his eyes flutter shut. 

The sight made you force out a shaky breath. 

He opened his eyes, moving from between your legs. He moved to his bedside table, shoving the panties in the top drawer. 

“Too bad” he mumbled pushing out his bottom lip, pretending to pout, mocking you. 

He sunk back between your legs, brining his face down to your opening. 

He blew softly on your heat, earning a whine out of you. 

“You look delicious”  he hummed.

You looked down at his curls, unable to see his face. 

“I hope todays an all you can eat buffet” he said chuckling softly. 

You rolled your eyes letting out a small laugh. “You’re stupid Doug.”

“I can’t think smart around you” he responded.

You painfully waited as he teased you, using his fingers to part your lips and mumbling things to himself that you couldn’t understand. 

You whined, trying to urge him to touch or do anything to stimulate you.

“God you’re so fucking wet…” he muttered.

Finally he brought his face forward, starting slow and then picking up his pace, attacking your folds. 

You bucked your hips at the sudden feeling, hand going to grip his hair. 

He sucked on your clit, letting his teeth graze over your bud. 

You pushed his face closer, causing his nose to press into your pubic hair and his glasses smushing against the skin. 

You let out a mewl as he basically made out with your clit sucking at the sensitive skin. Lewd noises filled the room as he hungrily fed on you, echoing in the hot and quiet room. 

He pulled his mouth away moaning softly, looking up at you. Your  juices covering his chin. 

“You taste so sweet” he whined out. 

You reached down to pull his glasses off his face 

“There, now they won’t be in the way” you put them on the dresser. 

He Dove back down blowing on you.

He tsked

“Getting all over my clean sheets, you’re so messy” 

Your cheeks flushed as he made comments about you.

“Gonna have to clean this mess up-“ he pushed his face between your thighs, his tongue entering you. You yanked on his hair. 

“Doug!~” 

He gripped onto your thighs to steady himself as he pushed his face forward seeing how deep his tongue could reach. 

You let out a string of lewd noises as he tongue fucked you, muscles trying to clench around his tongue. his grip tightened on your thighs, definitely leaving bruises.

He lapped at your folds trying to clean up the mess you kept creating. 

You could feel yourself already approaching your high. You hadn’t been touched in forever, let alone like this. And you were embarrassed to already be so close. But you’d never felt this pleasured before. 

You bucked your hips up to meet his thrusts, his nose rubbing against your clit driving you crazy. He let his head relax as you gripped onto his hair, guiding it for him. 

You moved your hips as you guided his head up and down, forcing his nose to stimulate your aching clit. 

“I’m close” you cried as he sucked on your bud, feeling your muscles tighten. 

He pulled his head away as you said that. When he looked up at you, you almost came at the sight. His cheeks were flushed and his nose down to his chin was glistening. He looked at you through half lidded eyes smiling.

You whined at the loss of his mouth, the cold air hitting you again making your muscles clench. 

He sat up going to kiss you, forcing you to taste your own juices. You moaned as he knotted a hand in your hair, tugging gently. 

He brought it around to the front where he squeezed your throat.  You threw your head back gasping softly. 

“Mm y’like that?” He mumbled into your neck nibbling on your ear lobe. 

You nodded. 

He kissed your jaw as he sat up.

“My tongue’s a little tired, I think I’m gonna show you the thing I’m best at” he smirked. 

You gazed up at him through your lashes

“And what’s that” 

He pulled down his shorts tossing them to the side leaving him in boxers, his member straining against them leaving no need for the imagination. A wet patch had leaked through. You pressed two fingers to the dark patch.

“That’s all because of you” he said nodding softly. 

You hooked your fingers in his waistband, pulling them down. His member sprung out slapping against his stomach. He hissed lightly as the cool air hit him. Your eyes widened as you looked at him between your legs. 

It looked even thicker up close and he had a thick bush. This somehow turned you on even more.

He seemed to notice the nervous expression on your face. 

“Don’t worry. I’ll try not to split you in half” he said trying to suppress a smile.

You nodded as you leaned back resting on your elbows.

He rubbed his tip softly, precum leaking from it. He ran a hand down his member slicking it up with his own juices. 

He leaned forward looking down trying to guide himself, a hand on his base.

The only sound was your heavy breathing, your chest rising and falling. 

He kissed your neck softly.

“Don’t worry, I’ll go slow” 

He lined himself up, pressing through your folds and guiding the tip in. You spread your legs apart even more hoping it would help open you up. Luckily you were wet enough for it not to be horrible. 

“So wet I don’t even need lube” he breathed out. 

You screwed your eyes shut digging your nails into his shoulder as he pushed himself in inch my inch. 

Your muscles tightened around him as he slowly inched in until he bottomed out.

He filled you up perfectly. You felt so full.

He pressed his face into the crook of your neck as he let you adjust, waiting for the pained look on your face to go away. 

You gave him a nod and he propped himself up. 

His pace started slow at first. His girth moving in and out of you causing your head to roll back. 

“Oh Doug..” you whimpered.

“Tell me how bad you want it” he mumbled into your ear.”

“I need you…so bad” you mewled cupping his face as he panted into your ear slowly thrusting in and out. 

Those words were all he needed. 

He pulled out to shift you, throwing your legs over his shoulder to get a better angle. 

He Gripped your hips and gave you a quick kiss on the lips before slamming into you. You gasped gripping the sheets. 

He immediately started ramming in and out of you at an inhumane pace.

You used one Hand to grip his shoulders, your nails digging into his soft skin and your other hand naturally went to his hair.

Wet noises filled the room as his hips met yours over and over again.

Doug was not quiet in bed and his moans and whines drove you crazy. He was definitely enjoying this as much as you were. 

He leaned forward to give you a kiss every now and then, his nose pressing against your face. Though kissing wasn’t very successful. So lust drunk that it was basically you just moaning and panting into each other’s open mouths. 

“So fucking tight- gonna loosen you up so much that you’ll feel empty unless I’m the one fucking you” he growled into your ear.

You nodded crying out as you yanked on his hair, his head falling back. You watched his eyes screw shut and his mouth hang open. 

“Oh god..” he whimpered.

“Do that again” he begged as he fucked you harder, the headboard starting to hit the wall. 

You tugged again harder this time.

“So good babe” he mewled. One of his hands went to your throat clamping around it as he fucked you senseless. Hips snapping forward. 

You screwed your eyes shut as he cut off your airway feeling the high within your brain. Every few seconds he loosen his grip to hear you moan and let you breathe. 

You felt your legs shake as they sat on his shoulders, heat pooling in your stomach. 

Doug was determined to have you finish before him. He pressed a hand to your lower stomach increasing the pleasure.

You cried out, bucking your hips do meet his thrusts. 

“Oh fuck Doug- I’m so close” you cried as he pressed in your stomach.

He nodded, a bead of sweat dripping down his face. 

“Look at this (y/n)!” He grabbed your hair, yanking your head up to watch him thrusting inside you. You moaned as he did so. 

“I’m the only one who can fill you this good!” He raised his voice, but a shaky whimper remained behind it. 

“I’m the only one who can fill up a slut like you” he growled. His words sent you over the edge as you clenched around him, earning a high groan from him. 

He furrowed his eyebrows as he let your hair go, letting you fall back into the pillows. Your body buzzed as he thrust into your sensitive spots, making you whimper. 

His hand came up to palm your breast as he felt you start to clench around him, rolling your nipple between his fingers.

“Doug I’m close~..” you panted. 

He nodded. “Come for me- look at me when you do” 

You lifted your head to make eye contact with him as he thrust into you. You clenched around him as he watched you, his mouth slightly open. 

You gripped his shoulders as you felt yourself peak. 

“Mm say my name when you cum” he told you. He thrusted over and over into your sensitive spot as you reached your climax.

You felt your eyes roll back as your body clenched around him, shaking.

“Jesus- Doug!” You cried out as you came, harder than you had in a long time. 

“M right here baby” he assured you, as he slowed down his pace a little.

You panted as you came down. He kissed you as you came back. 

“M right behind you” he slowed down pulling out, his length fully erect and painfully hard. 

You rushed to sit up shaking as you wrapped a hand around his length, pumping it as fast as you could get your buzzing arms to go. He sat between your legs moaning as he tugged on his own hair whimpering obscenities. 

“M’ cumming” he warned. 

You bit your lip panting as you sped up, rubbing his tip. 

“Oh fuck, yes- yes (y/n)!” He cried 

You watched as his eyes rolled back and hot cum spirted from his tip, getting on your stomach. 

His mouth hung open as he came to, panting.

“Holy shit” he mumbled.

You nodded.

“And you were down the hall this whole time?” He breathed. 

He looked down at you, propped up on your elbows, cum on your stomach and your own juices wetting the sheets beneath you.

He grabbed a tshirt from the floor cleaning your stomach.

Gross.

He laid down next to you, putting on his glasses and looking at you with half lidded eyes, pulling the blankets over you both.

“So m’ i any good?” He smirked kissing your jaw.

You nodded, still exhausted. “I can’t believe we hadn’t done this sober yet” 

He nodded in agreement. “I can’t imagine how that time we were wasted went” 

“I’ve been wanting you for so long” he smiled.

“Yeah?”

He hummed. “Yeah”

“Was it as good as you imagined?” You asked

“Better” he panted running a hand through his hair. 

You sat in silence for a bit, listening to the air conditioning.

“Next time it’ll be even better” he assured you.

“Who said there’s gonna be a next time?”you said turning to face him. 

He smiled “what, are you saying you didn’t enjoy this enough to do it again?” 

You shook your head “wasn’t saying that at all…” 

“Mm so like I said next time will be even better” he repeated turning to burry his head in the crook of your neck and splay an arm around your waist. 

[mikeandikeschmidt]

FNAF Movie! Incorrect Quotes (Part 3)

ABBY: I wanna walk home

MIKE: I'll join you. I'm always game for a brisk walk. Also, if I leave you alone, I'm pretty sure you'll die.

***

VANESSA: So, are we friends?

MIKE: I guess.

VANESSA: You sure?

MIKE: Sure.

VANESSA: ...Should we kiss?

MIKE: No.

Because there's still a small chance they could be siblings and I like their friendship

***

MIKE: You read my journal?

ABBY: At first, I didn't know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.

***

VANESSA: Have I ever let you down?

MIKE: Do you want me to answer that or should I just glare?

***

ABBY: You promised you'd stop drinking milk in the shower!

MIKE: Stop trying to change me!

***

VANESSA: If Abby jumped off a bridge, would you do the same thing?

MIKE, sighing and getting ready to jump off: Yes. She can't swim.

***

ABBY: Mike, you love me, right?

MIKE: Normally I'd say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won't like.

***

[Shortly after what happened to Garrett]

MIKE's Teacher: You are very mature for your age.

Younger!MIKE: Thank you, it's the trauma.

***

MIKE: Everybody's tragic backstory gave them mad skills, and all I got was trust issues and anxiety.

***

CASSIDY: Are you the chosen one?

MIKE: I'm very much the guy who's here

***

DOUG: How much stuff do you need to be happy?

AUNT JANE: Gee, I don't know...how much stuff is there?

***

WILLIAM: Why do you think I'm incapable of doing anything nice?

VANESSA: Experience.

***

AUNT JANE: I love it when you get your comeuppance

MIKE: I love it when you shutuppance

***

ABBY: Hey, what does coffee taste like?

MIKE: Not as good as it smells.

ABBY: Oh, like shampoo.

***

MIKE: Why do people say, 'you'll understand better when you're older'?

MIKE: I'm older now, and I understand nothing

***

AUNT JANE: You're really aiming to be jerk of the year, huh?

MIKE: As reigning champion, are you nervous?

***

MIKE: Don't forget to take a scarf. It’s going to be pretty cold today

ABBY: I love you too.

***

VANESSA: What, I can't be in a bad mood? It's like people think, "Oh, Vanessa is such a nice girl, Vanessa is so happy-go-lucky! Vanessa can't be in a bad mood!" Well, you know what? Vanessa CAN be in a bad mood. And right now, Vanessa is in a very bad mood.

***

AUNT JANE: Degenerate

MIKE: Blocked

AUNT JANE: Unblock me! I got to tell you something important!!

MIKE: Fine, unblocked

AUNT JANE: DEGENERATE!

***

ABBY: Mike won't wake up after he took those pills. What do I do now?

CASSIDY: Did you try kicking him?

ABBY: Just like you suggested

CASSIDY: Then I'm out of ideas.

***

ABBY: Hey, if you put "violently" in front of saying what you're doing, it becomes 100% funnier

VANESSA: Violently dances

MIKE: Violently sleeps

WILLIAM: Violently stabs people.

MIKE: ...Violently worries about the previous comment.

***

MIKE: I don't know about this, Abbs, it's pretty dark in there.

ABBY: Don't worry, I got this.

ABBY: *stomps her feet then her Skechers light up*

***

VANESSA, walking in: What are you doing?

MIKE: Abby's making me watch this horror film about two ex-convicts who try to rob and murder a neglected child.

*Home Alone plays on the TV in the background*

***

AUNT JANE: If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee

DOUG, internally: If I were your husband, I'd drink it

***

[When Vanessa was a kid]

WILLIAM: *sharpens knife* We got ways of making you talk.

VANESSA:

WILLIAM: *cuts piece of cake*

VANESSA: ...can I have some?

WILLIAM: Cake is for talkers.

***

ABBY, at 3 a.m.: If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of the chickens, then that means you're a chicken tender

MIKE, staring wide-eyed at the ceiling:

***

[Basically, the career counselor scene]

WILLIAM: I can excuse killing children, but I draw the line at not being able to hold a job

MIKE: You can excuse killing children...?!

***

[rubyrootwo]

hey 911 tumblr, im a victim of an abusive relationship and as much as i love the show it contains a lot of content that could be triggering to someone who endured domestic violence. so, ive compiled a list of every episode that triggered me in hopes to offer some support to everyone else here

disclaimer beforehand, this list is continuing to grow as im only on season 6 and may have missed some things (i am accepting advice and suggestions on episodes or details to include) also this goes without saying but this WILL include heavy spoilers

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

season 1: episode 2; buck gets sa/d by his therapist, not graphic, violent or later discussed but he still gets taken advantage of by someone in a position of power 

season 1: episodes 7&8; hen sleeps with her ex-wife, could be considered a reaction to extreme gaslighting or manipulation 

season 2: episode 1; maddies ex-husband (doug) threatens her over the phone. not particularly scary at first watch but after what happens later it brings bad connotations and could be triggering

season 2: episode 10; doug shows up at the last 5 minutes of the episode and stabs chimney, good to watch up until then essentially 

season 2: episode 11; maddie goes missing, chimney is in the hospital, i generally recommend skipping this one

season 2: episode 12; a good break from maddies assault but still discusses chimney being stabbed

season 2: episode 13; if you're have an issue with domestic violence, kidnapping, or assault skip. this. one.

season 3: episode 10; maddie has flashbacks but it's not the whole premise of the episode

season 3: episode 16; serial rapist on the loose, brief images of women being assulted

season 3: episode 17; again, about the serial rapist, i skipped most scenes with him in it but he assults athena

season 5: episodes 1, 2,3; the rapist is back, he murders a woman and licks athenas undergarments, he ends up kidnapping athenas son, generally recommended skipping this storyline if you skipped maddies. (also worth noting they unpack this series of events a significant amount in the season, with flashbacks and other things but usually referencing harry's kidnapping and not athenas abuse related trauma)

season 6: episode 4; one scene near the middle of the episode features a mother and daughter being threatened and kidnapped by the father. the mother gets injured but doesn't die. later in the episode maddie gets the girl and her mother help and they both end up fine, its actually kind of heartwarming

[lovelymel]

❛ 𝓝ext 𝓓oor ❜

joe “coop” cooper x fem!reader x doug remer

✧ ✧ ✧

a/n :: I LOVE BASEKETBALL i literally have watched it so many times + im a coop girl 🤭

warnings :: swearing, coop n remer being coop n remer

✧ ✧ ✧

ever since you moved into a cheap little neighborhood in milwaukee, you’ve found yourself concerned with your next door neighbors. just two twenty-something year olds with nothing to do apparently, as signaled by the fact that all they appeared to do was shoot hoops in their driveway and cause a racket with their pets.

although they admittedly dressed like bums, you had a thing for them. how could you not? there was something about them.

despite their good looks, you could not stand the noise they made. their dog growled whenever you walked past their house, the cat hissed and mewled throughout the day, and you could even hear crude jokes from the thin walls of the cheaply built houses.

on one particular summer evening, you decided you had enough of their ruckus as you heard non-stop blowtorch noises.

what are they doing?! you frowned, slipping on your shoes and stomping over to the house next door.

ding dong.

you stood at their door, tapping your foot and crossing your arms. whoever was in there took their sweet time coming to the door. it felt like you had waited there for hours.

finally, a blond opened the door, sporting goggles covering his eyes and a blowtorch in his hand, “oh, hey, we’ve never actually talked before, miss…?”

“y/n l/n. i just wanted to know what you’re doing.”

“joe cooper, “coop”, and uh, just some building.” he says, quickly taking off the goggles and tossing the torch to the side.

you just nod, “ehm, well could you please keep it down? i have work to do.”

“oh, yeah, sure,” coop said, “i never really see you that often. what do you do?”

“i’m looking for a job still…” you sheepishly reply.

coop gives you a tiny smile, “i’m sure you’ll find a job! it can’t be that hard.”

“well, what do you do?”

“i don’t actually have a job either…”

steps from another person were starting to get louder. you could hear another man yapping at coop, who was obviously very embarrassed. his face was dusted with a light pink.

“coop, man! you gotta start cleaning the hairs off the soap bar! and what happened to the la-z-boy? what happened to my baby???”

coop closed the door a bit, “would you excuse me for a sec?”

despite him closing the door, you could hear both guys shouting.

“shut the hell up!”

“you’re the one who decked the la-z-boy!”

“there’s a chick outside!”

a few seconds later, a man with curly hair and a set of glasses opened the door, “hi miss l/n, we’re really sorry for the disturbance. if there’s anything i could do—”

“—we could do.” coop butted in.

you looked down, tapping your foot on their porch, before glancing back up. god, they were attractive. “it would just be great if you guys could keep it down.”

you were turned, facing your house. before you stepped past their driveway, coop called after you.

“hey! you said you needed a job right?”

“uh, yeah… why?”

remer piped up, “we’re making this new sport, and if you want we could pay you to be a cheerleader to promote it. you’d be great.”

“y-yeah. you’d be perfect.” coop chirped.

you grinned at them, noticing how rosy their cheeks were. you told them you would sleep on it before making your way back to your house. it honestly didn’t seem like such a terrible idea…

[sortasirius]

"There Goes the Groom" and Buck's Queer Joy

Hey so...remember when I did post ep meta for two years? Anyway we're back like we've never left.

Best Hen <3

OBSESSED with micromanaging party planner Evan Buckley. The clipboard was there in spirit.

"You are late."

I'll take married for several years for $500, Alex.

"Ooo sliders."

"Ah ah. No."

"You didn't just do that." PLEASE

Tommy giving Eddie a bro-y high five and then a soft, sweet "hey" for Buck and a hug??? Fellas I might need to be sedated.

Also obsessed with the tinge of bitchiness in Eddie's tone. It's like jealousy without even realizing it's jealousy. And I think it's an interesting mix of "hey my best friend has a new friend" and something else that Eddie cannot label.

Ryan Guzman you must be studied for that little side eye lmfaoooo

I LOVEEEEE TOMMY HE'S SUCH A BITCH, he said I do not care for your party themes. Me for real.

Why were they all so obsessed with the sliders???? I love them all so much.

"Reach for them and you'll be pulling back a bloody stump." WITH THE RAISED EYEBROWS AND THE LITTLE HEAD TILT RYAN GUZMAN I AM KISSING YOU ON THE MOUTH.

"Wholesome, 80s-themed karaoke."

Buck was a party planner in another life and I stand by that.

"We should totally go as Crockett and Tubbs."

"Absolutely."

They are literally this meme:

The little shoulder rub that Buck gives Tommy <333333333333

The way Buck and Eddie are sitting during the party scene, Buck's arm absolutely SLUNG around his shoulder...yeah okay. Okay. I'm normal about this.

The whole party was two idiot best friends pointing at each other and saying "exactlyyyyyy." Yes, I would die for them.

I just want to say that every single thing about Chimney's journey this episode was heartbreaking and scary and I HATED that I didn't know what was going to happen to him the whole time. Ok thanks for your time.

From that guy stealing his car to every Doug jumpscare, I think they did a really good job freaking the audience (at least...me) the fuck out without actually revealing what had happened. Like..we know he's sick, we know something's wrong, but it was a well-paced episode, even if in my perfect world it would have been like two hours long lol.

And the fact that Maddie is always going to look for him, always going to find him, just like he would do for her...don't look at me I'm emo.

Chim essentially pushing the fact that he is actively dying from encephalitis to the side because being a paramedic and saving lives is so deeply ingrained in him it's something the can't forget? He's so important to me.

Then...Kevin. He's such a huge part of Chim's life, his arc, how he became a firefighter, and it essentially include him in the wedding (even though it was in a very scary way), I think it's a really great take on the idea that our loved ones who can't be there for milestones are there even when we can't see them, especially with his line "you invited me, remember?"

Doug was never there, but Kevin was, Kevin will be there even when Chim can't see him.

"I was trying to get back to you the whole time." THEY ARE EVERYTHING HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THEM. ALL THEY'VE BEEN THROUGH, ALL THEY'VE HAD TO DO, AND THEY STILL FOUGHT FOR AND CAME BACK TO EACH OTHER!!!!

Bobby officiating and saying "and the Los Angeles Fire Department" THEY ARE A FAMILY!!!!

And then...perhaps one of thee most important scenes ever aired on television ever:

"Sorry I'm late, that fire was a beast."

"So are you."

And STRAIGHT in for a SERIOUS kiss??????? 911 writers room you can have my life, take it, it's already yours.

Tommy's little huff of surprise and then hum of "yeah okay I'm down for this." PUT THEM IN THE DICTIONARY NEXT TO THE CUTEST COUPLE OF ALL TIME

And last...Buck coming in to the room where his family, both blood and chosen, is, with soot all over his face, and a smile so bright that it had to have lit up the entire west coast, not caring who saw him or who knew exactly what he had just been doing...yeah, that's what this shit is all about.

EDDIE'S beautiful smile when he realizes how happy Buck is they are best friends FIRST and that is all that matters to me!!!

Hen being like "it's about damn time." SO TRUE QUEEN OF COURSE SHE KNEW!!!!!

I haven't really been able to put this into words yet, but the way they are handling Buck's bisexuality and his first relationship with someone of the same gender as him is just...it's almost astounding. It's been handled with such care, from Oliver to Lou to the writers to the NETWORK, everyone is so clearly fully onboard with this and not afraid of it.

And there's no pain here, his coming out is not born out of trauma or being forced or caught or guilty. Tommy made him feel something that he had never been able to put a name to, and Tommy is helping him figure it out. He's letting Buck be overeager without taking advantage, he's letting him move at his own pace (which, of course, is at light speed) but is also confident enough in himself to pump the brakes when he feels like he needs to.

I just can't get enough of that smile, of how fucking happy Buck is. Happy in himself, happy with Tommy, happy to finally have a name for who he is, and not be afraid to share it with the people he loves. His parents' reactions don't matter, because he knows the people that matter to him most won't care who he's with, as long as he loves them and they treat him well.

It's such a huge step for Buck, who has so often fallen prey to what other people might think, it's so refreshing to see him get to explore this without fear of what others will say. Tommy is a steady constant, experienced and knows who he is. He teases Buck and calls him Evan and flirts with him shamelessly, and it flusters him in the best way.

To see a character like Buck, who was, essentially, billed as straight from the beginning of the show, be able to come in to himself and experience real queer joy...wow. For me, it just can't be overstated.

I can't wait to see where Buck's journey goes, and I am just so...grateful to be able to watch it.