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genieofthebooks · 1 year

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Family Line

Pairing: Anthony Lockwood x Fem!reader

Part One: Ghostly Memories

Warnings: Angst, Swearing, Mentions of Child Abuse and Neglect, Crying, shouting, Some Comfort. (Photo is not meant to be a description of the reader)

You were avoiding everyone. Everytime some one would walk into the room that you were in but you always came up with a pathetic excuse on why you could not stay in the room or you would quietly slip out before anyone could say anything to you. It had been a few days since the case at your old house and you have never felt so weak in front of your friends, waking up from nightmares every night of repressed memories that you thought had been lost and forgotten but were brought back to the surface like blood when you pick at a scab.

You padded out of the attic as quietly as you could skipping over all of the creaky floorboards that you had memorised so you did not wake Lucy. Sneaking around was a skill of yours, it was a survival especially in your old house and It comes in handy sometimes during cases because of Lockwood's Idiocy. Deciding that the library was your safest option as George likes to go down in the middle of the night for a glass of water. Slowly pushing the door open, seeing the soft glow of the lamp in the corner made you hesitate but whoever was sat in the big armchair had seen you before you could run back away.

"Lockwood what are you doing here at-" You looked to the clock, the small hand just passing one. "One in the morning?" You moved to sit in the armchair next to Anthony. Where the boy in question lowers his magazine to look at your pajama clad form and the anxious clawing that you were unkowingly attacking your wrist with leaving a bright red mark on your skin. He leant over the arm of his chair and pulled your hand away from your wrist so you could not inflict any more damage to your skin.

"I could say the same to you L/n" You paled at the usage of your last name, it was never used unless you were in trouble.

"Last name. What have I done?"

"You are pulling away from us, I know very hypocrytical coming from me but Y/n, we know you are not okay. Please just let one of us in." He shook your hand and swayed it gently in the air, both of you still sat in the two arm chairs but your arms interlinked brought you two together. Oceans apart but your hands were the rivers on land keeping the two of you connected.

"I don't want to talk about it" you muttered keeping a grasp on the final shield as the rest of them had fallen.

Lockwood nodded and the two of you sat in comfortable silence, your grip on his hand slowly loosened until your arm dropped hitting the edge of the arm chair. He sat up quickly but soon relaxed when he saw the rare peaceful expression on your face, asleep in the weirdest position possible. He threw a grey blanket over you. It was your favourite one that you must have left down in the library during your other midnight escapedes. He moved the hair that has slightly fallen across your face and moved it behind your ear so your were not suffocated by your hair in the middle of the night. He leant down and pressed a light kiss to your hairline, making sure you were as comfortable as you could be before switching of the only light source in the room and going to his own room.

It was morning when you awoke. Finally deciding to stop hiding and stay with your friends you got dressed into a black tank top and a pair of black ripped jeans, blue fluffy socks finalizing the look.

You walked into the kitchen where everyone was sat eating or drinking, you quietly walked over to Lockwood who was buttering toast and then slid it over to you with a soft smile on his face. You lifted the piece of toast and walked to the table with one half in your mouth, you sat next to Lucy who gave you a smile before taking a sip of her tea and George passed you the sugar to put in your tea that Lockwood placed on the table with his. He sat next to you and slung his arm on the back of your chair. The four of you were sat in content silence as it was still early morning and none of you had woken up yet.

The peircing ring of the doorbell woke you all up as you walked with Lucy to the door, knowing if you went by yourself you would not be friendly with the person at the door.

It was the same man from a few mornings ago. Your father. Once you caught his face you slammed the door back as hard as you could, not wanting to deal with him, the door rattled in the hinges when it slammed, echoing throughout 35 portland row. "No"

He knocked again and by now Lockwood and George had joined you in the hallway confused on why they might need to change the hinges and lock because of the strength that you used to slam the door. You re-opened the door and yelled. "Go away"

You went to slam the door again but when you did a foot got in the way and you seriously considered squashing it like a bug. "Please can We talk."

"Why, you never wanted to talk when I lived in the same house as you." You muttered hiding what you really wanted to say but you wanted to give him another chance because there was a stupid feeling in your heart, you thought maybe he had changed.

"Please!" Your father begged when he saw you hesitate closing the door. You turned around to your friends, you met Lockwood's eyes, who nodded, signalling that you can do it and whatever happens, he will be there for you.

"Fine" You coldly stated opening the door further, letting your father walk into the front room, where you normally meet the clients.

You walked up to Lucy and whispered in her ear. "You might not want to stay, with all the things that happened between your mother. I don't want it bringing back any painful memories."

She grabbed onto your hands and shook them before walking into the front room as her answer where your father was waiting with George and Lockwood staring at him. You sat next to Lockwood who pulled your hand into his. Being the gravity that will hold you to the ground if you start to drift off.

You glared at him. No more childish cowerdice, you managed to look your mother in the eye and taunt her while she held a gun to your head so you should be able to do this. "What are you doing here?"

Everyone got deja vu to a few days ago. Especially when your father started to shift in his seat unvomfortable with the coldness you, his daughter was presenting him with. "I came to ask for forgiveness"

You raised your eyebrow and scoffed. "Mother is in jail and you don't want to go either so you are trying to get me to forgive you"

He stretched his hands out towards you, where you sank back into the sofa, sinking into Lockwood's safetly. Glad he kept a hold of your hand. "No, My daughter that is not it."

You closed your eyes and took a few quick breaths to stop your rising anger or sadnessbut it did not work. You bit your lip while thinking of how to rationally answer him. That all flew out the window. "No. No." You frowned. "You don't get to call me that. After everything that happened. You are just being cruel." You were surprised at how quiet your voice was.

"I'm being cruel" Your father questioned shocked that his own daughter would call him cruel.

"Yes. Yes. Do you know how worthless you made me feel. The fact that my own father did not stand up to me against my own mother. You never loved me and I thought my whole life that there was something wrong with me but there is not. You are incapable of Love" You leant forward staring right into your fathers eyes.

"I did not do anything to you!" Your father stood up trying to defend his case but in reality was making it worse like in a court when the defendant screws it all up at the stand.

You stood up, Lockwood standing up with you ro provide support if you needed it. "Oh but you did. By not doing anything. You just stood there and watched me get hurt by one of the other people who should show me what love was." Your voice cracked as you pointed to yourself. "You just watched and made no move to protect me because you are pathetic. You made no effort to help when she locked me in my room for nights upon end with little food to feed me. When she held a gun to my head the first time, trying to kill me because I killed her child. But I didn't he fell off a tree. It was an accident. You know it. Mother knows it but you were both filled with hatred that the only child you loved died and the unwated child was left. I was a child. But you never loved me so I'm guessing I don't count as a child"

You were stood face to face with your father and for the first time he hit you. You felt the world stop. Lockwood stepped next to you, he glared at your father with such intensity that even Lucy and George were slightly afraid of him "Get out"

You and your father were both stood frozen shook that he hit you. He never did that but now he finally did, he was just as bad as the rest of them. Only was he taken out of it when he heard Lockwood yell "Get Out! Now" he looked to you where a red handprint started to show and fled like a criminal fleeing from a crime scene. Lucy and George following behind and closing the door.

Lockwood pulled your shellshocked frame into a hug, his arms going around your shoulders. Pulling you close to him so the rythmn of his heart would lull you and ground you. Still in your fragile state but as you could move you wrapped your arms around his waist. Crying into his shirt.

Soon he pulled away from you but moved one arm down to your waist and another hand to your chin lifting it to assess the mark, he wiped away the tears that were falling with a softnes that you had never felt against your face before used to harsh touches not soft and light. He placed his forehead against yours, and you just stayed there until you could focus normally.

"Hey, you're safe. I've got you"

Sorry If it was not the best and there was not much of a confrontation but I hope you liked it.

#lockwood and co x reader #anthony lockwood x reader #anthony lockwood #lucy carlyle #george karim

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archipelago-siren · 4 months

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Ianto's dying words to Jack: In a thousand years time, you won't remember me

The Face of Boe's (Jack's) dying words to the Doctor: You are not alone.

We know that TFoB/Jack was forewarning the Doctor about the Master being alive.

During that whole escapede, The Master sent Torchwood (Ianto included) to the Himalayas.

My personal headcanon (or what I tell myself to be able to go to sleep) is that when TFoB takes his final breath, he's remembering being reunited with Ianto after the year that never was

#After shooting an alien fish man in the head #captain jack harkness #ianto jones #torchwood #jack x ianto #doctor who

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teaah-art · 1 year

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Desi LGBT Fest 2023 (hosted by @desi-lgbt-fest)

Day 7 : Faith/Rituals of Love

Definitely geared heavily towards the 'Faith' part of this prompt as soon as I read it!

If being Queer is defying conventions and if being a part of the Queer community means going against heteronormativity and gender conformity, is it not Queer to forego materialistic ties and the love of a human partner and embrace the love of a greater being you have only heard about in stories?

All four individuals featured here were integral part of the Bhakti Movement and/or Sufism in South Asia. None were married other than Meerabai.

(Panel order from top to bottom)

Chaitanya Mahaprabhu (1486-1534) : A key name of the Bhakti Movement and the Gauriya Vaishnav tradition in 15th Century Bengal, Chaitanya Mahaprabhu was believed to have been a vessel for both Radha and Krishna. Bengali doesn't use pronouns or gendered language and we may never know what they would have preferred to be identified as in a language they didn't know (English), I will simply resort to using They/Them for them. Their written teachings are few and far between but the verse mentioned here is the seventh verse of the only written record of their teachings, the Shikshastakam - a collection of 8 total verses. The translation here is my own and quite literal so that the interpretation is left to the reader.

Meerabai (1498-1597) : [CW : IMPLIED QUEERPHOBIA/APHOBIA] Meerabai was born into Rajput royalty and was married off, also to Rajput royalty, in likely an arranged marriage. While most of the stories surrounding her are folklore whose historicity is yet to be confirmed, her marital status can be confirmed, and so can her devotion and affection for Krishna and the divine, which she has herself penned in numerous poems and songs. Folklore does strongly imply that she was non-committal to her marriage and that her in-laws tried to poison her to death multiple times for it.

Kabir (1398–1448 or 1440–1518) : Found as an orphan by a Muslim weaver couple, Kabir's religion grew to become somewhat of an enigma for future generations. His stance, however, on the topic romance and marital relationships is quite clear - he looked down upon them and a huge chunk of his couplets strongly imply that romantic and sexual relations simply obstruct spiritual enlightenment.

Bulleh Shah (1680-1757) : Bulleh Shah, though an ardent proponent of loving the divine, was declared a Kafir, a non-believer/non-Muslim by a quite a few Muslim clerics of the time. He was known for speaking up against existing power hierarchies of the time and used vernacular speech for his writings (Punjabi, Sindhi) which not only served to popularize his works, but also let people connect to his words.

A personal note on my motivations under the cut.

A while back when I was actively going through the anxiety of finding out that I am ace and that I will never fit into the current South Asian society that the wedding industry has a chokehold on, I desperately wanted to see people from my own culture living happily without a partner. During one of my history rabbit hole escapedes, I restumbled upon the story of Meerabai, how she always insisted on loving and devoting herself towards Krishna, despite being married into a normative and wealthy household and despite her in-laws repeatedly attempting to poison her for not committing to her husband. Most of us from India grow up hearing about Meerabai, her spiritual connections to Krishna, and her struggles. The moral of those stories is always framed as 'believe in god, he will help you through tough times'. But this was the first time I was making a different connection, I was drawing different morals. And when I took Meerabai's non-conformity to her married life and started looking for more examples like hers, I was overwhelmed by how many more individuals existed without a partner, condemned being in a normative, married relationship, admitted to having lost human connections and faced resistance even, and yet stayed true to their orientation and sounded HAPPY! It was extremely hard to narrow it down to these four, but these do make my point! Labels are hard to transpose across cultures and history. But if being queer means being nonconforming of marital structures and being aspec/arospec implies neutrality, indifference, or aversion to romance and intercourse, then no one fits the label if they don't.

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toriliashine · 1 year

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Ougoku flowershop worker x tattoo artist au concepts and excerpts the zorp into my brain

Thinking of writing something for ao3 but my brain cant stay in one place'

Hope's peak academy' is now a research based university. Students are all adults, except a certain protected few. ('warriors of hope' who got in by recommendation and to get away from abusive family?)

but i'm getting off topic...

Gonta Gokuhara, lost in the forests for near a decade, gained incredible insight into insects, found by his rich and well-known family and rightfully dubbed the 'Ultimate Entomologist', now also works part time at a (his family's ?) florist shop. Sweet guy, a gentle giant who's more than happy to teach and learn about the flora that house and nurture his 'bug friends'. With his ways of somehow understanding what the bugs in the gardens were after, he was a perfect candidate for growing the produce. (will continue on how he's such a great florist later bc now it's time for!)

Ouma Kokichi, short guy with baggy clothes and a sharp mouth that just seems to love playing pranks on friends and unruly customers alike, that's all random people know about him anyway. A closer friend group consisting of his classmates from HPA would know the grape as someone whose a lot smarter and agile than he seems - and like playing pranks on his friends. He runs a tattoo parlor with 9 other people who blend into the background and pop out seemingly whenever they please, though he always says there are 10 to those who come, where's the last one? hhh Essentially a smart guy who doesn't show it, and goes on a lot of insanely well planned escapades with his colleagues in between work hours. Such successful escapedes and all round leadership of his group got him scouted by the uni - dubbing him the 'Ultimate Supreme Leader' - not that he'll ever tell anyone exactly how. His talent is real, the detail are between him, his team and the appointed teaching facilities at the HPA now take that or leave (he says to a prettyyy nosy customer who won't stop questioning the grape while he's sticking a needle :) into :) their :) skin :) )

Want Gonta to have a flower in his hair or a bunched of them scattered around in a florist uniformm.

Should i have Ouma have his dice uniform here or nah? just petty crime. Still his uniform would be convenient for hiding him. Here he'd have almost sleeve tattoos (or a number of tattoos on his arms and back but still pretty notable gaps here and there). For his uniform, it could be a simple black vest/shirt and baggy grey joggers lol. comfy clothes for the long sittings, sketching and chatting to customers. His Dice uniform would be pretty similar. 'Cept his cape can be buttoned up into a kind of shawl/poncho for easier movement. Ditches the hat for parkour missions hmmm.

How do they meet?

Gonta walking past the tatooshop longingly, his parents look down on such things harming his skin (its scarred already, they whispered when they thought he couldn't here. When he was in the forest, all the fighters he met said they were things to praise! His human family uttered it like it a bitter to their tongues). He usually sees a variety of people busting around, enough to be able to pick out which were the workers, they all wore similar white articles of clothing and despite being wildly physically different you could just tell they were all together. He walked and looked into the shop windows enough times for the workers to recognize him and give him a wave or a wink mid-work when he looked in. This time should've been no different. He's carrying some planters and rough stems back to the shop when he looks into the clown's stomping ground - they seemed to be having a break

----

edit - tldr gonta would like a nice tatto but his parents look down on it, slightly envies the tatto workers carefree nature.

kokichi catches a glimpse of him here thru DICE's chatting and throws a casual smirks that gonta freezes at for half a second before a light blush brushes his cheeks and he leaves the storefront.. for nyow(?)

One or two of the dice members take notice and tease kokichi abt it a little bit. laughter , this, that, bleh.

The dorky guys face and totally weird glasses dont seem to leave his mind tho and he offhandedly thinks of making a more lasting impression next time they meet

---

Ouma going to the flowershop, in his casual gear, hair in the usual mess, out of his pony tail with his signature upwards side curls, a beach outfit in the middle of autumn and star sunglasses he got on the way.

'makes a joke with the guard who holds back a chuckle before -jokingly- shoving him inside. the newcomer's laughter is heard throughout the shop. He strides in and admires all the admitably gorgeous bouqets decorating the walls and walks up to the cashier. Brown haired person with an affininty for green they seem nice,

-blah blah order the flowers bonehead - and is about to pay

edit 2 - ey that's chihiro! Ouma and him are on decent term i think with some light bickering here and there. they respect each others talents and work they do b hrkk.

Chihiro - Gonta get the (florist speak witches brew, eye of frog times by two) -- heh heh, fancy flower speak, idk yet--

and he turns to see what he's been offered when he sees a familiar guy with wild green hair and an armful of flowers. The leader's face blanks as one single thought flashes through his mind.

Oh no fucking way...

#in a draft posting spree ahh #ougoku #kokichi ouma #gonta gokuhara #danganronpa au #if i remember right gonta n chihiro work together in the flower shop n maybe kaede hops in frm time to time #and hmm #i really need to reread this later but let me clear by drafts a bit more ahh #ndrv3 #danganronpa

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most-tragic-character-tournament · 8 months

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first: fuck those antigone guys calling lloyd voters misogynistic? second: the reason that you should vote antigone instead of lloyd isn't misogyny or tiktok beef or whatever.

it is because lloyd is given brief moments of happiness. his bloodline may be cursed by an evil snake (unconfirmed; purely fanon guessing. it's just his dad in canon) but antigone's father accidentally committed patricide (they're both stubborn bastards), slept with his own mother, produced children, and then gouged his eyes out once he discovered what he'd done.

antigone is the very end of the tragedy of oedipus rex. her prequel, telling the story of how her brothers died, is ancient lost media.

lloyd's family always comes back to him. lloyd always has the possibility of things improving. lloyd is protected by a loving world, where family can be found. antigone is from ancient greece; everything is against her. "who can make me a new brother?"

antigone has not only the curse of the protagonist (in an actual tragedy, nonetheless; where actions are etched before they can be followed. lloyd has the chance of a happy ending. antigone doesn't have it) but also her father's motherfucking escapedes have cursed his entire bloodline, canonically, to suffering

yes i'm autistic. yes i have watched ninjago since the start. do not question me (that's a joke) (just the last bit. the rest is me just spitting straight facts, as the youth say)

[Propaganda]

#propaganda #antigone #tw death #tw murder #tw incest #tw gore

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l-flyhight · 1 year

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"A signatures kiss"

It had been 2 years since the dragon warriors globe trotting adventure. The furious five often when seated for the evening meal would partake in pos past escapede.

Po would leave out details and embellish others. How he fought iron scorpions birthed from the rage of a volcano was just one exaggeration. The five humoured him.

Their where parts of the story po would start to describe. Giving vigor and enthusiasm to suddenly pause and a sad smile would grace his features. Only to shake it off and continue.

"The weasel mage furious with vengeful rage of veageance! the souls of the army at least a thousand were unstoppable. Getting closer! But dad, me and our ragtag team of awesomeness were just as unstoppable"

On he continued on the very improbable version of events. Using strings of noodles to mimic verucas vines and occasionly interpreting the various accents. Earning him a chuckle from Viper.

"We were victorious in our quest! Blade and i had cleared our names, restored honour and later we....urm...we"

Po paused. Stopping himself. The memory of what they did. Under the influence. Hi off the victory...a flash of melancholy graced his maw.

Viper grew concerned at po's sudden demeanour. Sharing a glance to her conrades she then offered po some encouragement.

"Po? Then what happened?"

"Hmmm? Wha-oh! Yeah! We all celebrated. England really know how to get down. Weird but fun. Dancing. Alcohol. Did you know that they have special types that they just eat cheese with? Yeah....an acquired taste"

Tigress shot him a look of dissaproval

"That i never partook in...just heard"

Po sighed and sat at the table. Munching on a bao bao bun. Crane and mantis shared a sly glance.

"Sounds like quite the tale. Tell us po. this Blade, what was she like?"

Mantis started to chuckle. The giant panda paused. Feeling exposed.

"I wonder what kind of person she is. To grab the attention of the dragon warrior. Must be quite the master"

Mantis and Crane started to chuckle. Viper shot them both a glance.

"I wonder po. You only mention Blade in snippets. Was their a confrontation?"

The panda recoiled a bit. He shook his head. Now he was feeling awkward. Embarrassment painted his cheeks.

FLAP FLAP

suddenly a goose of the jade palace entered the room. Po suddenly relieved at the distraction. The goose digging into his sachel.

menus where delivered from mr pings shop as well as other matters of interest. Scrolls depicting urgency or occasionally support from the Valley of peace.

Pos eyes lit up.

The messenger giving monkey a small napkin bag of his favourite cookies.

"Haha! Yes! Ill have to thank mrs yue!"

A scroll was presented to Viper. She nodded her thanks. Grateful. Another scroll embelished somewhat, politics of some issue for Shifu's attention.

"Ah! Here it is. Such a strange document"

He offered it to Po. Hes was trembling ready to burst. It was strange. It wasnt a scroll. Instead it was flat and ordained with strange characters. Parchment wrapped within parchment.

The five looked curiously at how po opened it. It didnt unravel but intead the parchment was torn. Po plucked out it contents. Before the panda could even read it mantis snatched it.

"Hey! Come on guys"

Po tried to take it from the minibeast whom passed it to monkey. Rotating between the group in a light game of keep-away.

Mantis once again had the paper.

"Who could be sending you these strange letters po? Heheh"

Monkey chimed in

"For two years no less, takes dedication. Wait?"

Crane added

"Oooh i bet their from this blade person"

Mantis turning his back pretending to make out with someone. Monkey took the letter and glanced at it. Perplexed. Strange characters were arranged in a perculiar way. Squiggles and elongated strokes. Perhaps it was in code?

" pffft very funny guys"

Over the course of two years po sent and received messages from england. Occasionally a few from latin America were sent his way. He missed those warm hugs in a cup. Chocolate.

He was always elated recieving a response. However would become dissapointed when the messenger was empty handed. Weeks po would wait...

Po took the letter and instead tucked it away. To read later. The group grew dissapointed.

"Oh theirs this aswell"

The messenger gave po a small box. He beamed.

Tigress was curious.

"What is it?"

Po placed the box infront of them and opened it. In it where flat looking disks. Plain looking. Monkey grabbed one and sniffed it.

"What is it?"

"England call them biscuits"

Monkey bit into it. He grimaced. It was plain as was its taste. A hint of sweetness but very dry. Po chuckled.

He placed in front of each member some tea. Monkey looked at po confused.

"Dry? Try dipping it in the tea"

Wary but monkey did as was told. Meekly he dipped the disk into the tea. Then proceded to nibble it.

It was soft. Warm. Inviting. Gracing his taste buds was a peculiar notion. Comfort? Monkeys eyes lit up. Confident he did it to the rest of the biscuit. A smile on his face.

This was all the rest needed as they took a disk and did the same. Content now on the expression.

Po had asked blade if it were possible to send them as he couldn't get enough. Glad she did.

"Their such a comfort, po"

"Ask your girlfriend to send more of these diskit things"

Po flinched. Girlfriend? A nice sentiment but it left him....numb. he shook it off. Happy to share the little bits of joy he recieved.

After their victory po had stayed for a week in England at the behest of the Queen. Him and blade grew more...intimate. Holding hands. The occasional argument. Making up.

Hed never forget. Never.

.........

Dark hues painted the heavens. The day absconded to places unknown. Melodious melodies of the night gave comfort. Most were under the blanket of sleep. A panda however was wide awake.

He was at the peach tree. Sitting in comfort. Parchment in his paw reading.

"Dear the bumbling panda,

Two years already and still you pester me with your shenanigans. You haven't changed. Excited over every little blessing that comes your way. you sentimental fool...

Telling me every detail. I swear their are times i can almost hear the elation in your letters. Po? Dont stop... promise me you wont.

As Resquested i hope the biscuits make it to you in one peice. Remember to have them with tea for a better experience. I hope your well

I miss you...

Luthera of Landreth "Blade"

The panda leant against the tree. Peach in other hand. He wondered how akna was doing. What kind of trouble Rukmini had gotten herself into brought a chuckle to his lips.

He was always brimming with joy when he received his letters. Yet he ached when he finished reading them....hed write as long as it was possible.

Reading her message was like a punch to the arm. Direct. Offering sentiment without the anxiety of being vulnerable. However when she wrote her name it was as if she would plant a gentle kiss to his brow. Biding farewell.

He smiled at the notion. Somethings dont change and in that he was grateful....

(Yay another little drabble. Such a comfort ship. Probably the last little drabble for a bit but still i hope season 3 will be decent)

#drabble #fanfic #polade #kung fu panda dragon knight #kung fu panda #po x wandering blade #po x blade #hints at suggestive material

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sludgewolf · 7 months

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Uhh hello if your writing requests are open can I get some uh. Aradia megido <3 shy!fem!rustblood!troll!reader bits/scenarios/whatever with a little fluff and a little angst (I especially have a soft spot for whump or whatever its called)

Sorry for taking so long, but this went out of control so I had to split it up in two parts, this is the sadder one but it does have a happy ending, I hope you like it

Warning: self hate/ loathing, spiraling, use of "shit blood" as a derrogatory term

Disclaimer: do not copy, repost, take or feed to AI or NFTs anything I post

Masterlist

Aradia x Shy!Fem!Rustblood!Reader pt1

angst no comfort + some whump

Aradia isn't the most perceptive trolls, she already has difficulty with focusing on things that aren't of her immediate special interests and now with the voices of the dead that have recently started whispering in her ears it made it all the harder on her.

That plus her still recoveing from your last escapede, and on top of that you avoiding her like the plague didn't help in the slightest. But she did make an effort to talk to you whenever she could find you, coming to see you even long after her nugbone had healed, asking you about your own broken thoratic struts that you didn't notice at the time because you were so worried about her well being to take care of yourself.

Still, when she did come you could never quite look her in the eye, giving her a half assed excuse and hiding back into your resprite block.

Your face burning up and you feeling the phantom pain from your not fully healed bones on your side, but this was better than facing the facts head on.

She hated you, she had to, you were so sure of that as your lusus was sure that the one week old carcass she brought back was still edible.

So you kept pushing her away trying and trying to avoid letting her say it to your face. Knowing it already hurt, hearing it from her would just break you. But keeping your distance didn't keep you frim falling more and more for her, at the same, it broke your heart bit by bit

At this point you doubt anything you could have done would've saved it.

Not long after you got to move without feeling much pain you took to walking along the wastelands you called a home, this went on for almost two dark seasons. This night wasn't any different, you walked and walked getting so lost in thought you didn't notice you walked right up to Alternia's many beaches until tou felt the waves splashing your ankles and it's cold permeating you carapace.

You stare out at the sea, watching it as if you've never seen it before, witnessing it's power and magnitude, you forget about yourself again. Your mind letting go of all your self loathing for a moment and spiraling into someting much more existential.

Unfortunately this lasts just enough for you to jump at the sudden noise of two fast approaching voices.

Voices you knew way to well, voices that belonged to - shit Feferi and Aradia!

Are they in a date? It has to be! Right??

They're here being all cute, laughing and walking alone at the beach TOGETHER

Of course Aradia would go out with the heiress, that's what she deserves, someone that can treat her like the absolutely unhinged - archeology loving- troll that she is!

and not another shit blood lik-

You snap yourself out of it, hearing their steps coming closer and closer, self hate can wait until you're out of here.

You all but book it from there trying to avoid them but royally failing at that.

They easily see you running on the barren beach and call you over.

Aradia's voice calling your name is like a siren song that freezes you in place , you turn to them, feigning a smile and feeling you face burn with embarassment.

You pretend nothing happened and wave hi to the pair, You pretend nothing happened and make small talk, You pretend nothing happened and make up yet another half assed excuse and throwing what's left of your dignity you run from them.

All the while your ears ring with the sound of your blood in your ears, your thoratic struts ache as you hyperventilate and your eyes sting with unshed tears.

You should've known better than to fall in love with Aradia.

You should've known better than to even dream that you'd ever have any chance with her.

#homestuck x reader #aradia megido x reader #asks #angst no comfort #cw self loathing

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