#Every single album is a tragedy

[siren-of-agony]

Made the absolute mistake to start listening to the mechanisms, a band that doesn't exist anymore and seems to have like 20 fans that actually know what's going on, a lot of lore on multiple different platforms, time travel, and barely any videos so uh

I thought I'd just recommend it here cause they're basically whump, the band

[angeltannis]

I found a copy of one of my favorite albums of all time at the thrift store today!! I never owned this one physically, and now for $2 I do 😤

[lafemmemacabre]

My personal top albums of all time

If anyone who respects my music opinions is interested, IN NO ORDER because I can't choose between my babies. Also, warning, it's mostly gonna be albums from the 90s. Only the albums that are described as Gothic Rock, Darkwave (Neoclassical or not), Deathrock and Ethereal Wave are goth, the rest are some other flavor of dark alternative.

Aégis, by Theatre of Tragedy (1998)

Exquisite Gothic Rock, despite the band usually playing Metal, with themes of mostly Greco-Roman mythology with some other European folklore thrown in. The most angelic and soft soprano vocals delivered by Liv Kristine with baritone whispers delivered by Raymond. Ethereal yet complex atmospheres with soft guitars, strong bass, poetic lyrics in Shakespearean English.

Highlights: Cassandra, Venus, Poppæa, Bacchante.

Inferno, by Lacrimosa (1995)

Gothic Rock that flirts slightly with Metal in some tracks. This is when they made the jump from Neue Deutsche Todeskunst (basically late 80s/early 90s German Darkwave except it's a little weirder than most other Darkwave at the time) to more Rock-based styles of music, as well as the first album Anne Nurmi was featured in. Tilo's best studio vocal performance in my opinion. Beautiful lyrics about love, passion, devotion, and the end of the world, could only be written by a goth guy with a gift for poetry who just fell in deep love. Only iffy track is Copycat but even that one is still a classic among fans if only because of its high energy, and killer guitars, bass and percussion.

Highlights: Schakal, Vermächtnis der Sonne, No blind eyes can see, Kabinett der Sinne.

Passion's Price, by Diva Destruction (1999)

Diva Destruction's debut, from back when Darkwave was actually dark and dreary in sound. Songs about heartbreak, betrayal, abuse and love, in the band's most musically complex and hauntingly atmospheric album. A definite classic with nothing but great track after great track.

Highlights: The Broken Ones, Snake, Prey, Glare.

Selected Scenes from the End of the World, by London After Midnight (1992)

Some of the best Gothic Rock to have ever come out, in my opinion. Deep, rich, dark, mysterious, sensual, macabre, romantic (arguably too romantic even by 90s goth standards as the album apparently got criticized for being almost entirely love songs? Wtf). The song that introduced me to goth in February of 2007 is in this album and it's the reason why I never looked back.

Highlights: The Black Cat, Claire's Horrors, Sacrifice, Spider and the Fly.

Annwyn, beneath the Waves, by Faith and the Muse (1996)

Ethereal Wave royalty in maybe not their most iconic album, but definitely the one closest to my heart by them. Despite goth music being associated with darkness in the minds of most, this album is full of glittering light in the most poetic and heartfelt way possible. The vocals are soft and tender when they need to be, delivered by Monica Richards, or firm and epic when needed, as delivered by William Faith. The lyrical themes are full of Celtic folklore, love, hope, magic and a feeling of reclamation of nature and an ancestral past (but not in like, a white supremacist way, I promise).

Highlights: Annwyn, beneath the Waves, The Hand of Man, The Silver Circle, Rise and Forget.

Treasure, by Cocteau Twins (1984)

Walking a thin line between Ethereal Wave and Dreampop (as they're pioneers in both genres). Some tracks are darker than others, but they're all equally delightful, full of beauty and a dreamy gaze hovers over every single song, all of which contain some of the most heavenly vocals in the scene. One of Robert Smith's favorite albums (he also really liked Diva Destruction's debut!). If you're into more relaxing and atmospheric music, this might be your intro to goth.

Highlights: Beatrix, Persephone, Pandora (for Cindy), Lorelei.

Anthology, by Nosferatu (2006)

Legendary Gothic Rock band among those of us who enjoy a campier vampiric goth sound that takes itself too seriously, and deliciously so. Yes, I know I'm cheating by going with a compilation album, sue me. It's simply a collection of their best tracks and I honestly couldn't choose between all their actual albums, so there!

Highlights: Inside the Devil, Lucy is Red, Rise, Witching Hour.

Es reiten die Toten so schnell (or: The Vampyre Sucking at his Own Vein), by Sopor Aeternus & The Ensemble of Shadows (2003)

Probably the gothiest and most elite Neoclassical Darkwave out there. Deeply macabre, equally horrific and beautifully crafted, with expressive and dramatic vocals, themes of vampirism and death masking more human subjects such as social rejection (Anna Varney-Cantondea is a trans woman/transfeminine person who's battled suicidality and depression from a very young age), depression, gay/trans desire, and suicidality. It truly is a masterpiece of macabre and neoclassical goth.

Highlights: The Feast of Blood, Holy Water Moonlight, Baptisma, Dead Souls.

Blood Death Ivory, by Angelspit (2008)

Probably one of the few modern Industrial bands who have thoroughly kept the spirit of early Industrial alive, fashioned after greats such as Skinny Puppy and Die Form, especially in the 00s when the Industrial scene heavily turned to more superficial lyrics based on the aesthetics of cyberpunk art rather than its subversive content. The music is aggressive, simultaneously animalistic yet robotic with a touch of demonic, rarely ever without smartly phrased critiques of capitalism and consummerism. At this point in time the band was a duo between Amelia Arsenic/Destroyx and Zoog Von Rock. It's definitely some edgelord shit (affectionate), but by no means in a vapid, only-for-shock-value way.

Highlights: Skinny Little Bitch, Lust Worthy, Devilicious, Jugular.

Alles für dich, by Grausame Töchter (2012)

Some of the most dynamic, deliciously quirky, sexual, hyper and twisted Dark Electro bands currently making music. The lead vocalist and lyricist of the band, Aranea Peel, is a lesbian dominatrix, fetish model, trained ballet dancer, and lover of Weimar republic era artistry who absolutely imprints lots of dark flapper energy into the band's music and imagery. The lyrics are unabashedly perverted, kinky, sapphic and fucked up. Her singing is nothing short of chef's kiss worthy, always expressive and strange, but with pristine execution and technique.

Highlights: Tanz für dich, TABU, Therapie für dich, ICH DARF DAS!

The Astonishing Eyes of Evening, by Cinema Strange (2002)

KINGS of 00s Deathrock with touches of Dark Cabaret influences, as inescapable in the goth scene in the 00s as She Past Away and its many copycats are now, and for very good reason. Delightfully macabre, not the first to use ghostly androgynous vocals but certainly one of the bands who better utilize that style of vocals. Imo, this and their homonymous album are must-listens for people interested in the goth music scene in general, but especially those interested in Deathrock. Truly Halloween turned into an album.

Highlights: Tomb Lilies, Catacomb Kittens, 'Ere the Flowers Unfold, Legs and Tarpaulin.

Opheliac, by Emilie Autumn (2006)

Literally music for mentally unstable sapphic girls with a poet's soul and flare for both irony and intense earnest feeling. It's a very original combination of Synthpop, Punk Cabaret, and Neoclassical music, with influences of Industrial and Darkwave. It's all masterfully crafted by classically trained violinist, poet, writer, actress, and somewhat of a burlesque performer with a rich alto voice; Emilie Autumn. She wrote this album after suffering medical abuse at a mental hospital after a suicide attempt brought on by an abortion and emotionally abusive relationship. I'm not exaggerating when I say this album saved my life and also changed me as a person.

Highlights: Opheliac, Liar, The Art of Suicide, 306.

Of the Want Infinite, by Requiem in White (1995)

You don't often hear of bands combining Deathrock and Ethereal Wave as they're often perceived as the polar opposite ends of the spectrum of goth music; Deathrock being the goth subgenre closest in sound and idiosyncrasy to punk, and Ethereal Wave being one of the goth subgenres furthest from goth's punk roots. Add in an operatic soprano and you get... Some of THE best, most underrated goth bands of the 90s. Dramatic, ethereal, creepy, elegant, ghostly and complex, with incredible vocals. Truly a pity they only released one album and a couple of EPs.

Highlights: Everlasting Peace, Beneath the Leaves, My Shame, Acanthus.

Agony of the Undead Vampire Part II, by Two Witches (1992)

Truly another giant of vampiric Gothic Rock, absolute 90s legends and Finland's most iconic goth band. Themes of vampirism, occasionally anti-Christianity, sex, sensuality and kink abound. The vocals might put some people off, but it's definitely worth it.

Highlights: The Hungry Eyes, The Omen, Mircalla, We All Fall Down.

Mors Syphilitica, by Mors Syphilitica (1996)

Requiem in White may have disbanded after their first proper album, but two out of its three core band members, then spouses Lisa and Doc Hammer, went on to form pure Ethereal Wave act Mors Syphilitica right after and while it's generally less dark and spooky than its predecesor band, they're still a delight to the ears.

Highlights: The Woman Who Believed, Fell a Dance, The Vain Stroke, Below the Baleful Star.

Beyond the Veil, by Tristania (1999)

I've raved about this album so many times. Just... THE definitive Gothic Metal album to me. The lyrics, the choir of sopranos (aka all Vibeke Stene and her rich, sensual, dark, gorgeous voice), the perfect growling, the somber baritone vocals, the perfectly crafted guitar riffs (no guitar salad, all expressive and precisely timed), the exciting epic percussion, the piano, the violin solos, THE SYMPHONICS. Oh, my God. There's not one second wasted in the entire album, and I'm not being hyperbolic, I mean that. Truly the perfect Gothic Metal album.

Highlights: Beyond the Veil, Angina, Heretique, Opus Relinque.

Serpentine Gallery, by Switchblade Symphony (1995)

Tbh all of Switchblade Symphony's discography is fantastic, but their debut truly is a masterpiece. Creepy ragdoll vibes all over, great vocals, rich composition, poetic yet accessible lyrics. If you're into a more kindergoth vibe (Wednesday Addams, creepy dolls, child-like or even lolita-esque looks), this might be the band for you.

Highlights: Clown, Mine Eyes, Dollhouse, Bad Trash.

Vampyre Erotica, by Inkubus Sukkubus (1997)

The other band that introduced me to goth in 2007 and got me to never look back. Though the first song by them I ever listened to, Samhain, isn't from this album, this album is the one that truly got me hooked for life. Vampiric, sensual, decadent and dark. It has everything including really sweet vocals.

Highlights: Vampyre Erotica, Danse Vampyr, Hell-Fire, Heart of Lilith.

Link to a YouTube Playlist containing all the songs from all the albums above.

[toskarin]

»GET://NOISE« WORKING WITH RI47 HEAVY INDUSTRIES FOR PROFIT AND UNPROFIT

so, I do feel like I should clarify my actual policy on using my tracks in projects. I do this every now and again, but to be fair, circumstances change pretty often

these aren't blanket licences or anything because honestly a few of these are like... complicated enough that it's literally easier to just talk to someone after the conditions are met and give them permission in writing. in nearly every single case, the first step is "contact me directly and we'll make things work"

if you're working on a project to raise money for Palestinian aid, I am especially interested in working with you. of course, I will be checking to make sure the money is actually going to help the people it's supposed to, as I'm unfortunately aware of how many people are trying to take advantage of these tragedies for their own benefit

a case-by-case reference with slightly more detail is included below

-

if you want to download Ri47 music to listen to but can't afford it... legally, I care that you pirate my music. personally, never tell me about it. I don't want to see that, I'm not signed to a label that seeks out uses of my music, and I understand that the international economy is in shambles. ideologically, I am pro-piracy. don't do anything that will legally force me to care (using my work in a commercial project without permission, for example) and we'll both keep on living our lives as we were

if you want to remix a Ri47 track and need stems… I don't have the stems either. I'm bad at recordkeeping, tune my samples by ear, and primarily do my own last pass of mixing in audacity. I might have some stems kicking around, but the odds are that I'm as empty-handed as you are. sorry about that lol

if you want to use a Ri47 song in your freeware (read: not for sale) project... that's probably fine. contact me first, not because I'm going to spring a fee on you, but because a few of my songs are already licensed out to projects that make it a little more challenging to hand them out. this is mostly applicable if you're making rpgmaker games you don't intend on selling

if you want to use a Ri47 song in your small-scale commercial project... if you're making a promo video for a stream, need music for a podcast, or anything like that, contact me first. in almost every case, as long as what you're making isn't a persistent standalone work (read: something you are selling directly, with my music as part of the package) the most I'll usually ask is that you buy one copy of the album

if you want to use a Ri47 song in a more serious commercial project... you can contact me directly to get a licence. I usually don't work on royalties unless you are selling a product that I'd consider "reselling" my work (read: an OST album or other primarily audio-based product) and I'm happy to work with people to find a deal that works for them

if you want to use a Ri47 song in a project that is intended to raise funds for a not-for-profit charity, especially in providing aid to Palestine… the freeware conditions apply. let me know about your plans beforehand, because I almost certainly want to be more directly involved, but there are very few cases where I would say no to this sort of thing

if you need original music or sound design done by Ri47... I'm booked out about a year or so in advance, so I can't promise I can actually join a team actively, but this is extremely contextual. if you need some UI sounds or a handful of piano pieces to feature in a project, I'm much more likely to find time for that

if you want me to feature on an album or compilation, whether that be contributing a song or remixing one that you provide… contact me and let's talk. this one's the most complicated conditions-wise, but I don't bite

the bottom line being... I work within all budgets and project scopes. even if you think the answer is no, drop me a line and you might be surprised. if you're unsure, I'll happily help you figure out what exactly you need. it's easier than taxes!

[empty-blog-for-lurking]

i dont know how to explain it but to me udad and hnoc are like opposites of each other. (Under read more, cause it is loooooonnnnng)

With udad the situation everyone is in is bonkers shit. The world they live in is absolutely shithole of a place that exploits everyone but the richest of the rich and the people there cant escape even after their death. Every single one of them is bitter and depressed and wronged and just wants to survive and they'll do anything to survive even if it meant killing the other one. All the natural part of that world is long dead and only thing exists is this cold dark metallic hellscape of a city that swallowed its own planet like a cancer. Almost all the songs are just how everyone was exploited, used, wronged, and discarded they were. Ulysses is a drunk fallen 'hero' completely guilt ridden by their role in Illium's fall. They had lost everyone and everything even before the album began. They spent so much of their throughout album getting their shit beat in. They, Heracles, and Orpheus go to Hades (Ashes) in hopes to be freed whether as a request, through theft, or through a deal. And Ashes all but set them all up to die for their own amusement (which btw very sexy of them <3 but that is besides the point). There seemed to be no hope for them.

And yet, despite everything the ending is so hopeful. We know that Ulysses would die, if it wasnt obvious from the title of the album itself it certainly becomes obvious when we learn how their world works. And yet they died a happier ending, they escaped the curse of their city and died reunited with their love. Ulysses died under an oak tree in a grassy fields, among nature which was thought to be dead since The City's takeover. Ulysses died being warmed by sunlight, a right denied to so many others like them. Ulysses died at dawn.

And then there is hnoc. Hnoc starts heroic. Arthur, Lancelot, and Guinevere take over Camelot from the corrupt Stone clan through their skills and teamwork. They turn it into a place of safety with all three of them incharge. Their lives are hard and filled with violence and hatred and fear and the world they live is harsh and unforgiving. But they still have each other, and they still care for the people around them. There is nature like scorpions and vultures despite it being a space station. The album has songs about love and being in love, about hope of peace, about power of faith. Everyone wants to survive and they are willing to work together to do it. Arthur is embittered by his "daughter's" death but still has his partners to keep him grounded and is ruler/sheriff of a powerful town with lots of knights working for him. What is more, the tragedy that hardened both Arthur and Gawain can be healed because the person they mourn isnt dead, he is Mordred and he is here to make amends. Arthur, Gawain, and Galahad go to Merlin (Brian) to seek aid, and he gives them advice that truly could have saved them, because Merlin really did wanted to save them and the entire station. There seemed to be hope for them.

And yet in the end it meant nothing. It was all for nothing. Alfred and Gawain did not listen to Brian's advice and ended up sealing theirs and everyone else's fate. Galahad did take Brian's advice and it destroyed him in a self sacrifice that ended up being for nothing. Mordred tried so hard for peace but at the end seeing the hatred and cruelty of his world hardened him to the core. Gawain's hatred turned peace talks into war and turned him into sawage barbaric monster he thought Saxons to be. Arthur's hardened core did not let him hope that his child could ever return to him and ended up not giving Mordred even a chance. What could have saved everyone Fort Gallfridian ended up turning into what destroyed Fort Gallfridian whether it be the GRAIL or Mordred. Almost all of them died a pointless avoidable death. And Arthur? Arthur lost everything. He lost his partners, he lost his chance to embrace his son, he lost his home, he lost his people. He may have survived but at the end he lost everything. High noon over Camelot. We didnt understand what it truly meant (all of them dying in the sun) until it was too late.

Ulysses shoots once, and it led to their happy ending. Gawain shoots once, and it led to everyone's tragedy. 3 shots all for Ulysses and it killed them. 3 shots for Arthur, Lancelot, Guinevere, and it hurt Arthur but never killed him. Ulysses was the only one who got to die under the sun, Arthur was the only one who didnt die in the sun.

[sweet-creature101]

Kiwi

Summary: Harry and y/n meet after a long time. Harry sees that y/n’s the same yet also very different from the girl he first set eyes on.

famous!harry ; part one

warnings: mention of alcohol, substances, abuse, sex

Harry felt his heart rip to shreds and break apart as he saw he you leave. Albeit he wasted no time in reminding himself that he shouldn’t feel this way. He kept on chanting things like I don’t like her, I don’t like being around her, she’s obnoxious, her head’s too far up her ass.

The real tragedy was that Harry had dated the most affluent of all women, beautiful models and actresses yet he found himself peering at Sarah’s phone everytime it rang, hoping it would be you.

He would dream of you, consciously and subconsciously. It were as if every fibre in Harry’s body told him that he missed you and how your skin felt next to his, and Harry being as arrogant as possible only brushed off the feeling.

Harry wondered about you, where you were and what your were doing at times. He knew you were touring with 5 Seconds Of Summer. He knew you had helped them write their album, Youngblood. Harry had played that album out of curiosity and immediately recognised your work which consisted of youngblood, want you back and empty wallets.

He had fallen into a new and mudane routine, one of checking everyone’s stories and posts on Instagram. Harry happened to check Luke Hemming’s private account, and he saw Polaroid’s of you.

In one, you were naked lying on your stomach as a white blanket only covered you up to the curve your spine, little modesty but enough to cover your ass. In another, Luke had an arm snaked around your waist with a smile etched on his face as you laughed with a hand covering your face. And in the last polariod, your back was against Luke’s chest, his hands around your waist as you lean towards him. It seemed as if your were about to kiss him.

Harry couldn’t sleep that night.

And that’s how the intial steps of engineering Fine Line took place, with sleepless nights and daydreams of you.

—————————————

Fine Line in a single word was an absolute and utter success. Harry felt as if he had been catapulted straight into intense limelight and scrutiny. Everything he did was placed under a microscope, although he was used to it by now.

Harry hummed the melody of She, one of his favourite songs in the album. The muse, undoubtedly being you. The pencil in his hand bounced up and down. He was going through some last minute tour arrangements. He was excited to say the least, Love On Tour was coming together and that exhilarated him.

“Be quiet I’m calling y/n.” Sarah told him. Harry hadn’t heard from you in a long time. You had phoned him a few months ago, to congratulate him.

“Hello?” Harry spoke into the speaker of his phone.

“Hi Harry.” You spoke. Harry felt his heartbeat go haywire at the sound of your voice.

“Aah, to what do I owe this pleasure y/n?” He tried his best to sound calm and collected, afraid his voice might betray him.

“Just wanted to congratulate you. You’ve done some great work on the album Harry.” You said, your voice soft and sweet.

“Thank you Love. How’s everything going with you?” He needed an excuse to hear your voice.

“Same old stuff. Play this show, play that show, write this song and write that song y’know. Really need a break.” You muttered, huffing out a breath in annoyance.

“How’s everything with you?” You added.

“Good. Even better now actually that I don’t have someone like you up my ass the whole time. Songwriting without you is less stressful.” Harry said chuckling.

You feigned shock, a very dramatic gasp leaving your lips. “And here I was thinking we’ve begun to tolerate each other.”

“I know; I know. You could be a bit more subtle when it comes to telling me how much you like me y/n.”

“Like you?! Seriously Harry?! I can barely even look at you without hurling my guts out.”

“Why are you calling y/n?” Harry asked Sarah.

“Because Mitch and I want her at the party Haz.” Sarah said rolling her eyes.

Every year, Sarah and Mitch host a Halloween party. The kind of party that never goes the way it’s supposed to go. It ends up with at least one person missing for a few days. The last time it happened to be Harry, who found himself in a motel, five hours away from their place after he sobered up. Funky times, he called it.

“Quiet as a mouse.” He said, pretending to zip his lips.

“Y/n! Lovie how are you?” Sarah spoke, her voice warm and a lovely smile on her face as she heard you speak. “That’s great! Are you free this Saturday?” Sarah spoke. Harry wish the phone were on speaker, he wanted to hear your voice again. “Yes…. No! Yes, it’s a Halloween party; well the Halloween party.” Sarah was quiet for a moment, her eyebrows sinched in understanding. Sarah went quiet for a moment, whispering a “I know it’s hard.” Harry wondered what bothered you. “You can’t wear jeans! Well not unless they’re a part of your costume.” Sarah said rolling her eyes. “Listen listen, slow down! You can stay at my place yeah?”

“Oh my god I love you I love you I love you. See you. Mwah.” Sarah squealed after the phone call ended.

“So?” Harry asked her, a smile of anticipation on his face as he looked at Sarah.

“Oh wipe off that smile off your face. You’re insufferable.” Sarah said rolling her eyes.

“M’not!”

“We all know you like her. So you can stop with this charade.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’m talking about that look.” Sarah said raising her eyebrows at Harry who looked at her with wide eyes at her statement. “There is no look.” He huffed.

“No there is. It’s a ‘i miss y/n but I don’t like her’ look”

“No there’s not.”

“There is.”

“She’s rude, obnoxious and an unpleasant person.” Harry said crossing his arms.

“Sure sure, that’s why you wrote a whole album about her.”

“It was only a few songs!”

——————————————

The music was blaring and loud. You stood outside Mitch and Sarah’s house, contemplating if you should leave or stay. Truth be told, you were exhausted. You didn’t want to party today, not even in the slightest. You wanted to cocoon yourself and stay away from everyone tonight but Sarah convinced you to come. Even dressing up seemed like a hefty chore.

You got out of the car, muttering a thank you to the driver as you handed him his money. You ran your hands over your dress, a sigh leaving your lips. You had dressed up as a pirate, although it was Vanessa, a good friend of yours who had forced you. You intially planned on dressing up in jeans and a tee shirt.

You push through the crowd, searching for Sarah. You find her near the kitchen island with Mitch and Harry behind her. You feel your heart burn when you set your eyes on Harry. Harry was dressed up as a cowboy clad in hot pink. His arms were bare and he was wearing an open waistcoat, showing off his muscled chest. Sarah spots you and waves you.

“You dressed up!” Sarah says, encasing you in a hug. You hug her back. “Sure did.” You said smiling. Mitch huged you tight and you smile a bit at the gesture.

“That’s the finest pirate booty I’ve laid me eyes on.” Harry said, mimicking a pirate accent. You roll your eyes with a small smile as you hug him. “How’ve you been?” You ask Harry. “Tour is kicking my ass. Excited yet scared y’know.”

“Don’t worry about it you’ll do well.” You said, squeezing his hand lightly as you left the trio to themselves.

Harry noticed something was off. You would’ve retorted back to him. Hell, you would’ve done anything but roll your eyes lazily. He noticed your smile didn’t reach your eyes. You seemed sad and exhausted.

After an hour of talking and drinking Harry decided to look for you. He searched the whole house, up and down and couldn’t find you. He was worried to say the least.

He entered sarahs room, scanned it thoroughly and was about to leave but when he saw you, he felt a tug at his heart. You were in balcony, leaning against the railing with your face in your hands as your body racked with sobs. Harry didn’t know what to do.

“Y/n?” Harry whispered as he entered the balcony. He noticed that you had washed your face bare. There was nothing lining your eyes, only your bare heavy red eyes.

You look at Harry with panic ridden eyes, and immdiately begin to rub away the tears. Harry walks upto you and gently holds your hands in his.

“Hey hey it’s okay.” He shushed you.

“I don’t know why I’m crying. I’m not weak I swear.” You said, your voice heavy and hoarse.

“Never said you were.” Harry replied, holding you in his arms. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I feel like, I don’t deserve this life. I shouldn’t be here, in the place I am today.” You said. You began to cry once more, feeling your chest become heavy.

Once that first tear broke free, the rest followed in an unbroken stream. You bent forward where you stood on the floor, leaning against the balcony and pressing your palms to your face, as you began to cry with the force of a person vomiting on all fours.

Harry felt his heart break even more at your condition. He wanted to soothe you and would even kiss your tears away if that were the price to see you smile again.

“Why do you feel this way Love?” He asked you, tightening his arms around you.

“Because I’ve left behind people.” You said. You couldn’t control your tears.

“I’ve had to do the same y/n. It’s a part of life.” Harry said, your neck buried in chest. You could heart his heart beat through his care chest.

“No no not like that. I gave up on my mom and dad.” You said, squeezing your eyes shut hard. “I left them Harry. I saw them ruin themselves because of drugs and I left them.”

Harry was unsure of what to say. He never expected to hear such a confession from you and in all honesty, you had no clue as to why you were discussing this with Harry. But it felt right to talk to someone about it, especially if that someone was him

“We can go to my place. It’s much more quiet.”

“Okay.”

You sat down in the passenger seat of Harry’s car, looking outside. You were oddly silent. Harry started humming a song to get your attention. You still said nothing. Harry started to sing now. You still said nothing. Harry began to change songs on the radio quickly, one after the other. You still said nothing.

“You look pretty tonight.” Harry said. You only looked at him and nodded. “But the boots y/n, hideous.” He dramatically sighed. “You’ll cause a hole in the windscreen if you keep staring this hard.”

It were as if Harry was desperatly trying to say play with me. You were silent and that’s when Harry decided to pull out the big guns.

“How’s everything with that guy.. Luke Hemmings right?” Harry tried to act clueless. You only rolled your eyes at him.

“What? Broke up with him because he fucked you missionary style?” Harry said, snickering as he remebered your drunken confession.

“Your ass must be jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth.” You grumbled. Harry heard the smile in your voice.

“There’s the y/n I adore.” He said, a smile cracking his face.

“Shut up. You’re making too much noise. I can’t even hear myself losing the will to live.” You said as you closed your eyes and laid your head against the back of the seat.

“Great because we’re home.” Harry said as he got out and opened the car door for you. “M’lady.” He said, extending a hand towards you which you took as he led you up the elevator.

You entered the flat and realised it’s still the same. It still smelt of candles and honey. The yellow bean bags lay mushed in the same way and the coffee tables were still dusty. You look around and remembered all the fights, laughter, song writing and mini concerts that took place here. Nostalgia wasn’t very nice to you tonight.

“It’s still the same.” You said, looking around as you stood in the middle. Harry smiled at you. “Never had the time to change it up.” He walked into his room, bringing with him a tee shirt and a pair of boxers. “Thought you might want to change in something more comfortable.”

“Thank you.” You said as you walked into the washroom. You looked at your reflection and reminded yourself to get your act together. You washed your face and tied your hair up in a ponytail and slipped on the tee shirt not bothering to wear the boxers because the tee shirt was good enough at protecting your modesty.

You step outside to see Harry brewing a cup of coffee. He was dressed in a loose tee shirt and a pair of sweatpants. He smiled at you and handed you the cup.

“I’d much rather have whiskey.” You said. Harry raised his eyebrows in amusement.

“Your wish is my command.” Harry said and went to fetch you a glass. “So…” he trailed off as he brought you the glass and drank some from his.

“It was a moment of weakness. Nothing more nothinh less.” You said as you drank.

One glass multiplied to two, two multiplied to four and four came kept on multiplying until Harry had to literally pry out the glass from your hand.

“You’ll have a headache tomorrow y/n.” He said, keeping the glasses away.

“Good thing I know how to handle handle my liquor then.” You said smiling, your cheeks flush and hinted with pink. You lay down on the sofa with a thud and sigh as you stretch your legs.

“You know, I never told you this but Ive always liked coming here.”

“Really?” Harry asked you, his smile gentle and surprised. “Yeah. It’s a good reminder.”

“A reminder of what?” Harry asked you out of curiosity. “That a place away from home can feel like it.”

“This place feels like home?” He asked you, his eyes gentle and warm. “Yeah. I mean, might be the whiskey talking at this point.” You chuckled as you set the glass down.

“I think you’ve had enough.” Harry said.

“Is that a tattoo gun?” You ask, getting up and fetching the tattoo gun. A mischievous smile on your face. “Yes.” Harry said, his eyes wide in uncertainty. “Give me your hand.” You said, as you plugged in the gun into a power outlet. “I don’t think this is a good idea,”

“Shh Harry I know what I’m doing.”

You didn’t know what you were doing.

“Okay.”

You grab the gun and sit across him, thighs touching. You hold his right hand in yours and begin to tattoo half a heart on the outer part of his little finger. Harry watched you intently, brows sinched, your lower lip encased in your teeth as you carefully drew the heart.

“There.” You said once it was completed. Harry looked at you with an incredulous look, “half a heart?”

“Wait a second fuckface.” You said snorting as you the other half of the heart on your left little finger. “Give me your hand.” You said to him. Harry brought his hand next to yours and there it was, a full heart.

“We have matching tattoos.” You said, “wait, we have matching tattoos.” You repeated with a grievous tone. “HARRY WE HAVE MATCHING TATTOOS!” You exclaimed for the third time, bringing your hands to your face.

“You shouldn’t have let me use the gun.”

“You would’ve done it anyways idiot.” Harry mumbled rolling his eyes. “Besides, they’re not that bad if you look at it from a distance.” He said.

“I am pretty good at this though.” You said smugly, a smirk on your face.

“Yeah yeah wipe the smile off your face.” Harry said makinh a face at you that only made you smile wider.

You raise your hand to flick his nose but he catches your wrist in his hand. The smirk on your face faded and Harry looked at you with raised eyebrows as his hand slowly travelled to your elbow, tugging you close to him until you were almost but not fully in his lap.

“Want to try that again sweetheart?”

Everything happened far too quickly. You had lost the ability to comprehend the fact that you had reached such a juncture. You lean in, brushing your lips against his but not kissing. The fingers of your free hand trail the curve of his jaw and settle down at the base of his neck.

Harry chuckled and said “are you holding back Love?”

You look at him with glassy eyes as you remove his tee shirt. Your hands shaking and fumbling with every move. Harry removes your tee shirt hastily as if he were a hungry man begging on all fours for food. He wraps your legs around his torso and dips your backwards until the springs in the sofa begin to squeak. He cups your face in his hand, his thumbs encasing your face carefully. He kisses you. He kisses you until time topples over and you are sweeped by heavy oblivion.

“If you plan on fucking me, do it right now or else get out so I can make myself come.” You said. Harry smirked.

And then, he fucked you. He fucked you hard against the sofa, claiming you as his his. He buried himself in you again and again. Glorifying in the feel of you, your smell, your taste. He fisted his hand in your hand in your hair, holding you in place. Your legs were wrapped around his waist as sinful noises escaped your lips.

Your hands were wrapped around his hair, tugging harshly as you both felt your core muscles tighten. “Oh shit.” You whisper in his ear as you felt yourself uncoil slowly. Harry lolled his head back in his ecstasy as he reached his climax.

“Fuck, you make missionary feel good.” You said completely breathless. “That’s how you deserve to be fucked.” He said kissing you.

———————————————

“Oh my God you were fucking amazing!” Sarah said squealing as she hugged Harry.

Harry started touring again and this time, the whole world was familiar with him and his work. He was proud, he was proud of himself and his whole team but he couldn’t help missing you.

Harry and you had a certain arrangement for a while but both of you broke it off perhaps three months ago.

“Harry?” you called his name. Harry looked up at you, his eyes laden with a sheen of lust as he looked at you. “Yeah?” He asked you.

“I think we should stop.”

“Stop?”

“Hooking up i mean.” You muttered as you fiddled with the hem of Harry’s tee shirt you wore. Harry raised his eyebrows at your eyebrows at your words and rubbed his eyes.

“Why do you want to stop? I thought things were good.” Harry said, evidently confused with your behaviour. You had always been bold when it came to telling how you felt and what you wanted so seeing you like this, timid and quiet was a surprise to say the least.

“Look at us. Im wearing your tee shirt to bed, we talk all day, we’re always around each other and what not.”

“Are you afraid you’re going to catch feelings?”

“Yes.”

“That’s ridiculous. You know that i’d never do anything to hurt you.”

“Harry. We’re different people. I don’t want to tie myself down to someone. You have your career ahead of you and I have mine.” You reasoned. Truth be told, you had predicted this conversation months ago.

“I think theres something more to this y/n. Talk to me.”

“There’s nothing beyond what I said.”

“There is.”

“No there’s not.”

“Is it Luke?”

“No.”

“Stop with the curt answers and spit it out.”

“Oh fuck you Harry. I can’t deal with this right now.” You spat at him, visibly frustrated.

“It’s Luke isn’t it?”

“No it’s not. We hooked up a few times and that’s it and you shouldn’t even care. Why don’t you go and kiss Kendall’s ass like you always do.”

“What are you even trying to say? It’s impossible to have a conversation with you, Jesus.”

“You want a girlfriend. I can’t be one. You want someone who’ll kiss you out of the blue and cuddle you. I can’t be that person for you Harry so stop wasting your time with me.”

“Y/n listen to me-”

“Goodbye Harry.”

That was the last conversation he shared with you. He felt his heart clench at remembering the conversation that had taken between you two.

Harry saw Sarah rush to the door with a bright smile on her face. She was about to open the door but turned towards Harry after mumbling “oh shit.” under her breath.

“Harry.” She called out his name, drawing it out. “Yeah?”

“Y/n wants to talk to you.”

“Okay.” Harry felt his heart burn and his palms turn clammy.

“She’s outside.”

“What?” He exclaimed.

“Okay bye.” Sarah said rushing out the door.

Harry saw you stand outside the door, you hair loose and falling into straight waves with your eyes lined with your signature liner. You wore a short black dress that was sinched at your waist and fell losely at your hips with a pair or red cowboy boots.

“Hi Harry.” You said, your voice unwavering as you stood in the doorway.

“Y/n, i didn’t expect to hear from you.”

“Before you say anything, I’m sorry. I was afraid and this is all so new to me. I fucked up i know. I was too caught up on being tough and not letting you in and what not…”

“Y/n it’s fine listen,”

“No shut up and listen to me first. I’m sorry and I like you, fuck I think it’s more than that and it’s important I get this off my chest. Okay you can speak now.”

“Fuck, get over here so I can kiss you.”

———————————

a/n: I’m yet to re read this so please excuse any typos. Interact with my work, leave me comments, let me know if you liked it! small interaction goes a long way guys! Love you <3

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 2/13/2024

writing cover letters like "Market Research Firm 953989464860, will YOU be my Valentine?"

also, a fallout 4 femslash fic for femslash feb

listening

Fresh Blood by the Eels off their 2009 album Hombre Loco. i would say this is another "i think a vampire probably wrote this low, grooving track" but there are several howls featured. wikipedia says it is about a werewolf. this song sounds like it has a simple bassline and simple drums but it knows what it's about. it's probably secretly really complicated but i specced in knowing about fabric, not about music.

it makes me want to ice skate really fast and also sounds like watching broken highway lane dividers go by late at night. fascinating that the back half of the four-plus minute song is fully instrumental. definitely a song for when you are traveling, or perhaps proceeding. spotify

Sun down on the sorry day By nightlights the children pray I know you're probably gettin' ready for bed Beautiful woman get out of my head I'm so tired of the same old crud Sweet baby I need fresh blood

i've been mainlining The Black Keys' album Brothers so it makes sense this popped up on my Discover Weekly spotify playlist

-

reading

in 2015, the year i dropped out of college, the closest comic/weird nerd shit store was a forty minute drive from my house. i bought the first issue of the serialized anthology comics magazine The Island bc i liked the Moebius-esque cover by Brandon Graham, before i knew who either of those artists were or that i liked them. i think it was ten bucks, and having to show my drivers' license really sticks in my brain for some reason. the point i am slowly approaching is that the magazine only ran for fifteen issues, and i didn't buy any other copies bc ten bucks a month was too dear for me, but it was a tremendous incubator for artists i would end up loving. about half the time i stumble across a lovely self-contained book that knocks my socks off i find out it started life in The Island.

All his life, Hank Cho wanted to join the ranks of the Habsec—the rulers of the orbital habitat his people call home. But when he finds a powerful, forbidden weapon from the deep past, a single moment of violence sets his life—and the brutal society of the habitat—into upheaval. Hunted by the cannibalistic Habsec and sheltered by former enemies, Cho finds himself caught within a civil war that threatens to destroy his world. A new barbarian sci-fi adventure by SIMON ROY (PROPHET, JAN'S ATOMIC HEART, Tiger Lung), originally serialized in ISLAND MAGAZINE.

Simon Roy's Habitat asks: do you want to hear a story about a generation ship gone wrong? this is a guy who really knows how to draw mechs and all their fiddly bits and loves doing it, which is a really transferrable skill to lovingly detailing the crumbling brutalist neo-mesoamerican architecture. the Habsec cannibals and their bits and pieces of scavenged armor blend in so well, it's genuinely shocking when we see someone in full, kept up, incredibly colorful armor. gorgeous, gorgeous book. love a fucked up generation ship.

found while perusing the stacks of the library that was closest to a bunch of other admin errands i was running, bc i finally have a tx drivers license and can start collecting tx library cards

-

watching

im also asking myself why the hell i'm watching yellowstone with my bestie and her husband. it has every trigger warning and a lot of them would make me decline the experience had i looked them up beforehand. however, the inevitablilty of each little tragedy feeding into the circular threshing maw that is the Dutton family is really clicking for me. like well! that mom sure did die in the most traumatizing way possible! and wow that really does go a long way toward explaining why the daughter is self-medicating to an alarming degree AND why no one else is doing anything about it bc they're all still mad at her for being very tangential to her mom's death!

the amount of Stuff that happens per episode is truly astonishing. one of my favorite parts of the ttrpg Beamsaber is the downtime between missions, bc you get to have some really bonkers interactions with people who don't usually interact. despite its huge cast, Yellowstone doesn't yet feel incoherent or like it's jumped the shark in its first season bc it's really successful at getting its huge cast to have unexpected interactions with each other. this sounds a little bit like praising it for knowing how to be good television, but this is a neowestern about a land grab that's also a familial dynasty drama that's really leaning into the familial dynasty part of it. it would be very easy for this to become incoherent or bad at switching between storylines, but so far it's really good at it. it's not beamsaber or black sails bc nothing will ever be beamsaber or black sails but it's really scratching that itch of many small rapidly shifting factions and rapidly shifting political goals bc each child is their own horrible little faction and they have a lot of time where they're trapped in cars or helicopters together getting around their ranch, which is simply too large.

we're trying to watch the yellowstone franchise in release order, and the yellowstone prequel with tim mcgraw came out between the first and second seasons. we will not be continuing this. this is a bog standard wagon train western. cripplingly boring after the brazen insanity of the first season. also i think it is in poor taste at best and irresponsible at worst to show a suicide on screen.

i said i don't know why i'm watching this but i do know why i'm watching yellowstone, and that's bc my bestie keeps seeing tiktoks about it. sometimes im influenced in real life

-

playing

changed my sheets this week and didn't chortle at the TOP OR BOTTOM tag which is how i know im having. a brain time. another way you can tell im having a brain time are these screenshots of the Breath of the Wild map. as you may or may not remember from last week, last week i had very little of the map filled out.

now is this EXPLORED? good heavens no. i have under 40 shrines DISCOVERED. i have simply beelined to each tower and went VERY fast. or was very sneaky. the three towers i have not bothered to climb yet are the ones i would have to actually fight some guys about. fuck the akkala tower for real.

i love to accidentally get way too close to dragons and die. some fun things about this run: incredibly, exceptionally rainy. except for the stint in the literal desert and the five minutes in the snowfield it has been raining about 70% of the time, which has made climbing very annoying. another fun thing about this run: exceptionally low ancient shaft drop rate, which makes getting ancient arrows to safely kill guardians from afar very difficult. bc as discussed above i have optimized this little blond boy to be very fast and very sneaky to get up the towers very quickly in the two minute spans of time it is not raining.

another fun thing about this run: not very good at successfully spitting out riders next to horses. you can only see the tip of spinch's hat bc he is underground.

i have unlocked the elephant and the falcon, i haven't gotten much farther than finding painkillers for the goron boss and stalled out at the yiga clan stealth mission. bc despite liking being a sneaky fast sniper out in the world, i fucking hate an enforced stealth mission. i don't think i ever got past this part in my other run either.

not jacked enough to unlock the master sword, i think you need twelve hearts? i would rather have more stamina so i can get faster horses + the princess's horse.

after i unlocked a bunch of towers i spent a goofy amount of time in the Lake Floria system herself hunting for treasure chests (there are easily fifty chests in the water. wild) to get the 10k rupees to unlock the last great fairy. i also spent several real-life hours video game mining video game ore. this was deeply annoying bc i sold off all my gems to get 10k rupees and then had nothing to get those sweet sweet high level upgrades with. this was the point on sunday night where i realized i was getting irrationally annoyed with a game that is supposed to be fun, and is NOT meant to support the kind of grinding i was doing. that was enough video game for one day thank you.

did you know there's a korok in the shrine of resurrection? me either.

also did you know magnesis ACTIVATES on the windmills in Hebra but i can't figure out how to get close enough to any of them to do anything about it. annoying.

this has got to be so funny from ganons point of view. i unlocked the elephant and the falcon in under a week of in-game time and then spent several in-game months mining and collecting clothes. would that make ganon more or less anxious d'you think

making

cross stitch update. this confetti in the rover square. i am dying. here’s what it will look like finished, and a link to buy the pattern

i had such high hopes for pin stitches as a thread finishing method but i had to rip out a mistake near a pin stitch and accidentally ripped out the entire pin and single confetti cross stitch. so what the fuck. i am an insane woman who likes to fully submerge and lightly hand wash projects before they get framed to remove all the oils (yes i wash my hands before stitching, i do get paranoid) and i am not confident pin stitches will hold up to that. oh well. the loop method is pretty great in halving the number of ends i have to weave in, even though i feel like it is extremely wasteful and leaves me with lots of short useless lengths my cats would love to eat. so the gains from halving thread management are really not offset by the meticulous cat management i must embark upon every time i do my fun relaxing hobby.

and the back, which is a horror. and will only become more of a horror. but once this is framed no one will actually see it so it's FINE. i am FINE with this. i started this knowing there was going to be lots of confetti. that's the point of this masochistic pattern

i wrote the first chapter of this fic last summer and outlined the emotional beats (but not much else) while procrastinating moving and have finally lightly polished the first chapter and threw it on the archive. im trying to let things molder less and just fucking post them in the hopes this activates the writing part of my brain again but who could say what's going on up there. this is still something that hasn't quite returned to me post-covid round 2

this will eventually be an E-rated 5+1 fic fixing all the fucking bullshit around Cait Fallout4's companion quest. she will NOT go in the magic chair that tortures her into not being a junkie and being the perfect waifu. she is going to stumble backwards and accidentally into some harm reduction and get railed by a mean top. the mean top and the harm reduction won't fix her but they certainly won't hurt.

[onehundredandeleventropicalfish]

and in part 2 of my delirium audio journey - i've finished my first song for her! being a singer/songwriter is a pretty big part of my offline life, and i've been wanting for a while to turn those skills in a more fandom direction, so here's the first of what might hopefully be a full sandman fan album! (at the very least i have too many ideas to fit into a single song, so others are in the works - this one is inspired by the first page of comic lore we get about her; that her real tragedy is being one of the oldest beings in the universe and yet never seen as more than the baby of the family)

lyrics under the cut:

A long long time ago, there was a girl, who was a child, who thought the world would keep on turning every day at the same time

She was joy and she was bright, she was a beacon in the night, and everywhere she went she left the people merry

But time is broken, don't you know? It broke that long long time ago, and so did she, that girl of cheer and youth and fancy

And so they built a shield

So she'd not see

The world she left in misery

And never asked what she was now

Or if she'd become new somehow

I am every thought in you that says to lose yourself or break instead, so why do you think I need protecting?

And from what, it’s all me, but when you look at me you see a helpless little girl

I'm not your little girl

And so that girl went on and on, her pieces came together wrong, she grew in spirals and the world began to fear her

A foolish child lost and alone with nothing there to guide her home, and all she touched, they said, turned broken with no purpose

But see I don't think that's true, ‘cause Brother, I know more than you

I've seen our truth, I've seen our pain, I've seen our future

And so what happens now

I've found the cracks

We’re all a slave to what we lack

Each choice you make, you come undone

And still you laugh as if you've won

I am every storm cloud in the sky, I’m every fish that’s floating by, older than stars, older than skies, a child of Night, a child of Time

But all I’ve learned’s never worth anything at all

They just see little girl

Their endless little girl

Brother think he's scared of me

Sister always busy

Brother talks and talks but rarely sees

Brother never coming back

Sibling thinks it's all an act

Sister sitting, feeling lonely, think she’s fine, no think she’s only waiting for the day it all caves in

And I don’t know where I fit in

And then I break

And then I fall

And I know nothing

Nothing at all

Scared and defenseless 

Maybe they’re right

I’m just a little girl

But I’m the one who put the pieces back

The one who sealed up all the cracks

I’m not as sane

I’m not the same

But then I never needed that

And though I’ve changed I’m all I’ve ever been and more

Come see your little girl

No longer brittle girl

Became a bigger girl

Endlessly

[skepticalarrie]

hello!

I have to ask. In both All Along, Always You and Too Young Louis talks about finally realizing Harry was IT and THE ONE for him after time away from Harry (traveling to different places) And wishing he had seen it all along. But what do you think that means? It seems like Louis doubted Harry was THE ONE for him and maybe he doubted between Harry and someone else.....?? But then again Louis talks about having only one proper relationship so this all doesn't make sense to me anymore. Because I always thought Louis saw Harry as THE ONE since 2010....

Hi! I don't think these songs are exactly about that though, I don't think it even scratches the surface of what he's trying to say with these, actually. And I think it's way beyond our compression as fans, but keeping in my this is just a theory and incredibly subjective, this is how I see it:

As I was just saying in this analysis of Lucky Again, there's a running theme in Louis' songs that he always talks about getting lost and running out of energy, looking for something... but I don't think that something is love. I don't think he was looking for someone else or anything along these lines. Louis went through a hard time, I'm not sure exactly what he went through but I'm assuming it was a sum of different feelings like their fame, the oppression of their closeting/sexuality, and then the hiatus was clearly very hard for him followed by tragedies in his personal life. And then eventually he lost it, a little bit. A lot of people who went through a hard time with severe anxiety, and maybe even depression can relate to the feeling of trying to find "something", because you feel lost, you don't know who you are anymore. So he built walls, he shut everyone out (us included). And I think that in Louis' situation shutting Harry out was especially hard for them, adding that to the physical separation because now they were solo artists - also a running theme on their songs. So I mean... I think they went through a very difficult time, and that's just considering Louis' "side", not to mention everything Harry was feeling and his own personal difficulties as well.

I think the turning point - and maybe the answer to your question, anon - was Walls. The album, because I think every single song on that album is an exemplification of that feeling of getting lost and overcoming it, but also the song. The song Walls is about finally getting his walls down because he realised. For every question "why", you were my "because". That's it, he had what he needed right there with him all this time, since they were way too young to even realise how special that was and how easy it was before everything got hard and messy and "before the world had got too serious". So I don't think there's even a discussion whether Harry was "it" for Louis or not, if he was the one or not.... it's about realising Harry was literally everything. Love is healing. This is some soulmate shit, guys.

And I couldn't possibly end this post without mentioning Harry's side of this. Which are Satellite and Adore You, two of the most underrated love declarations of all times. Adore You where he goes on and on about loving and idolizing Louis to a point of not asking anything in return. Just let me adore you. And then Satellite..... oh boy. About just waiting, being patient. Just being there waiting for Louis to realise and finally pull him in again.

[freddiemercurylegendabovelegends]

Today, on 15th September, 1986 - Queen Story!

“Who Wants To Live Forever” (by Brian May) / “Killer Queen” (by Freddie Mercury) released in UK

🔸“Who Wants To Live Forever”

"This is a very different era, of course. The song was written – I've documented this very well, I know – but what happened was we went to see the Highlander rushes with Russell Mulcahy, and that was our first experience in any way with Highlander – I hadn't read the script; I don't think any of us had – and it was very moving. [The film is] about a man who becomes conscious that he's immortal, and he's reluctant to accept that fact, but he's told that if he falls in love he's in big trouble, but of course he falls in love anyway. And the girl that he falls in love with eventually grows old and dies in his arms, and that kind of opened up a floodgate in me – I was dealing with a lot of tragedies in my life: the death of my father, the death of my marriage, and so forth. I could immediately hear this 'Who Wants To Live Forever' in my head, and it was almost complete in the car going home – I remember singing it to my manager as he drove me home, and he was pretty surprised. He said, 'Where did that come from?' and I said, 'I don't even know.'"

- Brian May - Interview 2003

🔸"Killer Queen"

"We're very proud of that number. It's done me a lot of proud. It's just one of the tracks I wrote for the album to be honest. It wasn't written as a single. I just wrote a batch of songs for the Sheer Heart Attack album and when I finished writing it, and when we recorded it, we found it was a very, very strong single. It really was. At that time it was very, very unlike Queen. They all said: 'Awwwwwww.' It was another risk that we took you know. Every risk we've taken so far has paid off."

- Freddie Mercury

Interview, Record Mirror, 21/05/1976

A: Taken from the album 'A Kind Of Magic'

('Who Wants To Live Forever' soundtrack to the film Highlander)

B-side: 1st international hit in autumn 1974. Taken from the album 'Sheer Heart Attack'

Pic: September 1986 - Freddie mercury on the set of promotional video 'Who Wants To Live Forever'.

Directed by David Mallet

The video was filmed in a (now demolished) warehouse at Tobacco Wharf in London's East End

[emotionally-charged-arson]

A Very, Very Unfinished Pile of Theory of Everything Headcanons (Ayreon)

Last semester, my English final was a presentation relating the overall theme of the Forever saga to that of the more popular works of H.G. Wells. Details of that argument aside, the thesis was that Ayreon’s emotional core was the presence of small-scale acts of love juxtaposed against large-scale existential tragedy, balanced in their individual power. That we are messy and self-destructive, and in the grand scheme of things we mean very little in the universe, but we are resilient and alive and human and that has to be worth something.

I really like this aspect of the main story, and it got me a perfect score on that assignment. It had a ten minute time limit and I was fighting for my life to stay under it. While I was downsizing the script, I couldn’t help but think of an earlier idea I had drafted about how The Theory of Everything on its own was a really incredible example of the mad scientist archetype turned completely on its head (it was a science-fiction analysis class). Specifically how that script was almost three times longer than the original H.G. Wells one, that took me a solid twenty minutes to read aloud. 

I literally wrote an hour long lecture about The Theory of Everything. No headcanons. No extra theories. Literally just picking apart its canon plot. 

I think this is why I have so little extra writing for it. The story as its given is airtight and just…fucking incredible. Arjen wrote it with a very clear theme in mind like he did with Transitus, but TToE isn’t missing half of its story because he couldn’t pull in the cash to make a movie out of it. You can feel the intention behind every single character, they feel like real people, it has so many layers to it and it is literally, objectively, the greatest prog album ever made. Fight me. 

But anyways: For lack of better phrasing, there isn’t much to “fix” in that sense. Almost all the headcanons I have for The Source or Transitus boil down to a few things:

I was being self-indulgent with a favorite character and it snowballed into a genuinely informative trait/subplot that informs the main story (a certain hc I have where Henry just fucking shoots Daniel in the back by mistake sometime between Two Worlds and Talk of the Town, turning into this weirdly effective commentary of how Daniel is conditioned to his brother’s shitty behavior and Abby hauling ass to get him out of that headspace)

I am curious about aspects of an album’s worldbuilding and get a little excited while filling in the blanks that were perfectly fine being left alone (doing mental gymnastics trying to build a version of The Source where these five academics, three politicians, two religious figures, one robot and one random spaceman viably know each other)

The rarer option that I am genuinely disappointed by how a part of the story was handled and completely ignore this small part of canon to make the overall story be more effective. Or attempt it, at least (Lavinia’s entire character undermining Transitus’ themes and her contradicting her own motivations, and me, in turn, just writing her character from scratch while keeping with the basic story beats [her seeing ghosts, doing shady shit with Henry, etc.])

But with TToE I’ve felt very little need to do any of these. If I were to really dive into it with intention I think I would start building off of the whole bank robbery plot in Phase III (just a slightly weirdly framed plot point for me), but I haven’t thought about it. It’s not that glaring of an issue and there’s few other places in the story where I think adding anything would make it more effective. 

This isn’t to say that Transitus and The Source are objectively worse in any sense, but they leave a lot more up to interpretation, allowing me to write so many add ons that they become structured and essential to each other’s function. 

It’s fun with those two albums. With TToE I really have to look for cracks to fill and it’s kind of useless. 

Not entirely, though. I’ve got a few hcs, and maybe they’ll warrant dozens of google doc pages of context one day like the other two albums: 

Two central things sparked curiosity. Setting, and how the parent characters came to hate each other that much. Naturally. 

This started four-ish years ago when I was pacing around my parents’ house with TToE on the mind (as it often is), and my brother put on this show called His Dark Materials. I watched the intro to it all of one time and just…knew this was the aesthetic TToE should have.🔗 At least combined with dark academia. It’s an album about physics and ghosts, that seems reasonable enough. 

…funnily enough, as I later found out, His Dark Materials itself has a very dark-academia-esque vibe, and the plot is entirely based upon the intersectionality between science and mysticism and trivial human attempts to make sense of it. 

So. Pretty fitting. 

This really stuck with me, and a handful of the characteristics of the show and books became the basis for the way I picture The Theory of Everything. Mainly the visual aesthetic, like I said, but also the fact that the story starts at a parallel version of Oxford University. I don’t have some giant case study for this like with Transitus/New England. I just think it’d be a cool and vibey setting. Maybe it’s the American in me but there’s something about a thousand-year-old college with a campus made of literal goddamn castles that borders on the fantastic. 

From there, you have a decent excuse for The Prodigy to run off to Ireland, where you can choose from one of like 200 different pretty little isolated lighthouses for him to lose his mind in, far enough away for him not to be found as long as he did. Not to mention it lowkey matches with the overt Celtic influence of the music. Or Scotland, if you want some weather symbolism from the North Sea. 

Solid setting, if I say so myself, and it actually influenced the family’s whole situation. Here, The Father (Mike) is a physics professor at Oxford, and The Mother (Cristina) is the director of the Bodleian Library. It’s how and where they meet in 1991 (though the mother is in an attendant position at the time), as shown by the only part of this I have drawn out:

They hit it off, and marry in 1993. Their first and only child is born two years later and they love him half to death. Everything is more or less nice and normal. 

In 1996, Mike stumbles into “proof,” more or less, of the theory of everything being a singular, solvable equation through his work, practically by accident, and begins focused work on it with enthusiastic support from his wife. Life is going great, Cristina is promoted and the two are balancing things well enough. 

The boy shows little to no social development into his toddler years, but his parents don’t think much of it. His father was similar at his age; they’re not worried. They even go as far to say he’ll turn out just as ambitious and smart as his dad and relatives, coworkers and family friends go along with it, setting insanely high expectations for this literal three year old. Mike keeps working on his theory. 

The boy enters preschool at age four; still no improvement. Just isolates himself and draws indiscernible patterns on everything you put in front of him. His parents finally try to intervene to some degree, hiring private instructors and talking with some other psych/child development people they know through the university, to no avail. Nothing changes. He just stares off into space, doesn’t interact with any of them and supposedly doesn’t pay attention to lessons. He still isn’t speaking. Cristina is finally concerned

Around the same time, Mike makes a significant breakthrough in his work, gaining worldwide attention. He receives massive grants from in and outside of Oxford to continue his work, and quits his teaching job to make more time for the endeavor. Cristina is left as the family’s sole provider. She understands and is in agreement on that decision, that’s not the problem yet. The problem is that Mike is becoming more or less indifferent to their son hits five, not seeing any previously projected greatness he was supposed to have in his father’s footsteps. Cristina, much more conscious of balance in her life and how having kids works, isn’t sure what to make of that. Their relationship starts to strain. 

From there, as Mike keeps working, Cristina takes the kid to all sorts of specialists around England but none of them can pinpoint what’s “wrong” with him. She tries much more actively to connect with him like they’re telling her to (though she still enrolls him in the university’s affiliated primary school program, against their suggestions), bringing him everywhere. Buys him little memory games since that’s all that seems to hold his attention. She’s past any belief of him being some secret genius like his dad, not that her opinion of her husband is super positive at this point anyway. She’s just dead-set on her son having some sense of normal in his life. 

By 2002, Mike has completely secluded himself and works nearly constantly. He has made no progress on his theory since 1999 and the fame garnered from his breakthrough has faded. The family is running out of money and Cristina is exhausted. The boy is ostracized at school and still (almost) totally nonverbal. Her coworkers keep suggesting these weird holistic remedies that she refuses. She knows better than to fall for all that new age, pyramid scheme bullshit. 

The son’s condition, whatever it is, worsens until mom, desperate, puts her foot down in 2008 (or “gives up,” if you wanna put it like that) and drags her husband and son to this private practice in Scotland she was told about by a friend, suspicious but ready to put up with anything at this point. 

😐👍

[blorbobird]

One shot fic | Jegulus (hint of Jily + Jegulily?). Regulus is on tour for his second album. He’s got everything he’s wanted … or so he’s thought? Paranoia fucks with a person.

There was chunky, glittery silver eye shadow smudged on Regulus' lids. Dark, kohl liner placed intricately in his waterline. He blamed both for the tears in his eyes. 

"Fuck," He cleared his throat. "Yeah, no. I'm fine." He forces out of his throat. His voice raspy and hoarse, he'd blame that on the singing. Forcing a smile he looks into his reflection. 

Lifeless green eyes staring back at himself. Looking as if all the color has drained from the world, even though everyone runs about him in a mess of rainbow chaos confetti. 

A cigarette is passed to him and he takes it gingerly between his knuckles. Snapping himself out of his trance. 

"You look like you got the shit fucked out of you," Barty says casually in such polite phrasing. Fingers free from any blunts. Passing a drumming stick between his fingers in a mindless, constant rotation. 

"Depends," Regulus winces. Looking to his friend for guidance towards opinion. Inhaling a shaky break. "In a good way or in a bad way?" Exhaling a cloud of smoke through his nose.

A smirk carves up the drummer's features in such a wicked, humored way. "A good way because you're so damn good looking," Reaching a hand forward and reassuringly messing up the Black boy's dark curls. "You could make anything look devilishly handsome."

"Almost ready?" A new voice chimes in. Barty's hand snapping away at the tone of it. "Two minutes for-." Evan sing songs as he skips over to the trio. His smile fading just as quickly as he appeared as he takes in Regulus persona. "What the bloody hell happened to you?" 

"He's fine," Barty says quickly.

"I'm fine." Regulus says. Smile and all.

It's a lie, they all know it. Evan begins to search the singer's eyes for a story to tell but they say nothing. Not a single detail. Not a single scrap. The blonde male doesn't have one ounce of an idea to what made him such a torn apart tragedy in just a break's time. But it's Barty's eyes who give it away. Barty's eyes who say it all.

A quick flicker, a if-you-blinked-you-missed-it glance, towards the opposite side of the closed curtains. Before he looks back. Quickly clocking his mistake and giving a warning glance to the guitarist.

Evan's eyes follow the movement and it clicks into place. Not all, but most. James Potter, Regulus' boyfriend and heart throb actor, and his ex girlfriend Lily Evans. They all knew her, they all loved her, they all trusted her. She had a personal invite and all to this, the Madison Square Garden performance. 

A personal invite their dear hearted singer was just now beginning to regret.

They stood so close to each-other. So, so close yet not touching. His hands were in his pockets, hers were on her hips. Whispering to each-other so intently a joke no one understands but them. It made Regulus' insecurities grow. Manifest themselves worser into existence. Dark and cruel.

If Regulus cut himself open he was half sure his blood would be green. Envy itself. Spilling onto the floor.

The entire first half of the show Regulus dance and twirled and screamed and sang. Every eye on him. Beside the pair of eyes he wanted most. The ones he always had on him, with love and adoration. Finishing the first set he was lowered beneath the stage but this time ... his boyfriend was there waiting.

A quick water break and costume change later he left his private bus to see it. Them. Drinking coffees on their way back. Their hips so close they should've practically been holding hands.

Paranoia. Paranoia. Regulus had to stop. It was all in his brain. 

Lily and James hadn't seen each-other in person for months. Simply old friends reconnecting on lost time. It was all in his head. It was all in-

A brush of red. It all became a blur.

The next moment James saw Regulus he stopped talking to Lily he ran over, and picked him up. Bringing him close. James smelled of flowers, perfume, and not the artists cologne or his very own. The moments replaying in Regulus' head. 

The pull away moment from the hug. The brief second. Half there, hardly. The small smudge of red lipstick on James' white shirt collar, just near his open throat. Eyes securing onto it before just the slightest movement of him rearranged it unknowingly into concealed perfection.

Had he hallucinated it? James didn't look freshly kissed. But his skin was flushed ... perhaps it was the alcohol.

Regulus stared at Lily than, for clues, for anything. But she only smiled back. Thanked him. Perfectly confused.

Did he? Did she? Did they? Or was he-

Panic had sunk deep into his bones. Regulus quickly dismissed himself for stage. A passing of 'enjoy the rest of the show!' before he stood brainless in front of the makeup crew. Them, stamping on shadow and powder. Putting a microphone in his hand as the fans roared on outside.

Eight minutes, the longest break in the show for Regulus, has turn into the worst eight minutes of his life. He felt like he was gonna vomit glitter. Spew his guts all over the stage but all it would be was plastic jewels and purple star confetti.

What time was it-

"Oh," Evan frowns. "You don't look to well-"

"Rosier, it's your turn to enter in—" Their manager, Mr. Riddle, suddenly enters the scene. Shooing Evan away to the right. "Then Regulus I want you- how'd you get fucked in five minutes?" He stops as he looks at the pale performer. "Or at you sick? I can't tell."

"It's intentional." Barty informs. Giving a 'cut it own' movement across the throat when Reggie isn't looking his way.

"I got glitter in my eye." Regulus repeats like its lyrics. Like it's words he knows so well, "I'm so fine."

But it falls on deaf ears. 

"Perfect! You're up. Barty to the left-" The crowd nearly drowns him out because Evan finally got on cue. The drummer follows. Regulus stands alone.

Feeling the beat of the count down drumming in his ears. 

A final glance to Lily and James is all it takes. 

He's moving towards them, away from his entrance.

"Oh!" James tears his eyes away from Lily, finally. Finally! Yes, stop looking at her- "It's time already." He's lost track of time again. He's lost track of Regulus. He's not his center clock anymore. "Love, you look-" Words fall short as he takes in his boyfriend's appearance.

"Go find your seat," The pop star smiles out so perfectly, such a chipper tone. He's so good at faking smiles. "I'll find you after," A solid nod. Forty seconds. He's unphased.

James goes in for a kiss, Regulus turns his head last minute. A brush of warm lips awkwardly meeting cold skin.

He pulls away. Confusion etched in his eyes but Regulus smiles, and he smiles some more. 'Go on,' he seems to say without saying anything at all.

'I'll look into that after,' James thinks. Trying not to be concerned. Maybe Regulus was ... no best not to think of such dark things now. No time. He'll figure it out later. After. Now there was a show.

"Come 'n, Lils." James nods, walking away from the stage towards his seat. Twenty five seconds.

The ginger girl follows. Giving two thumbs up of encouragement towards Reggie but his smile drops at her from the action.

He's staring at her red lips. That damn, stupid lipstick. Whatever the shade was, was ruining his mental health.

He doesn't even think to do it. Infact, he doesn't think at all.

Grabbing her chin with his ringed hand he pulls her towards him. Wanting a stain of his own. His mouth on hers, her mouth on his. Perhaps just to test how easily it wipes away. Perhaps just to send a message.

Once, twice. They kiss.

Lily nearly reciprocates it but Regulus is too quick, too chaotic. Removing his touch from her all together. Quick and sudden. Walking away with seven seconds to spare. 

Anger pumping through his veins. White knuckling the microphone. 

- 

James Potters stands at his seat front row. Wondering why his boyfriend has a smudge of lipstick on his lips in the enlarged motion-following video on the right of his stage. Features so clear he could practically see his pores. 

He wonders why Lily won't meet his eyes. What happened? It couldn't? They were alone for two seconds? Why would Reggie-

"I have a new song," Regulus says into his microphone as he adjusts his ear piece. The audience goes wild and in return he smiles. A cheeky, people pleasing bastard. "That's never been played in public,"

He's walking on the stage as he talks. Green Doc Martens, a white tank top with a bedazzled "Fuck You" on the center of his chest, acid wash jeans to match, and a shiny reflective jacket that makes him look slightly more mirrorball than human. It's a simple outfit. But he looks hot, he looks so fucking hot. 

Barty's in a leather jacket, Evan wears a denim one. They both wear an equally startled expression.

"My label hasn't let me officially release it yet but," He holds up a finger. More fans scream. An exclusive song performance. This never happens. Regulus always does what he's told! It must be a marketing tactic. "I think today's the day! Hm?"

He begins to sing.

And James Potter’s entire worlds shatters at the drop of his lips.

[mirrorballtales]

Now that I’ve had two sleeps to absorb TTPD and all 31 songs I think I’m ready to share my thoughts. I think they’re still all over the place. I’m having to separate so many pieces of my sadness, reframe timelines all while trying to not fall to my knees and break down.

Before I go on, I have to say I think this album is definitely for the older fans. I mean obviously it’s for everyone but as someone who understands the lore or as much as we’re let in, and the discography, some songs have a bigger significance so I understand it’s not connecting with everyone. I hope it grows on them. Her fountain and quill pens have always meant so much to me. I cannot imagine the insurmountable pressure she must feel having a random place their existence in her hands. As much as I love her I have to just appreciate the art and interpret it the best way it fits me.

I won’t talk about every song - just the ones I’ve had visceral reactions to.

Fortnight, so when I first heard it Thursday night I started crying. The line “I was supposed to be sent away but they forgot to come get me.” Before a video was even released all I could think about were my hospital stays. I always joke about them. And all those jokes were funny and riddled with humorous truth. But when the punchline is given, and the laughter dies down, I’m left alone to grieve all that time I lost because of men and boys and people who ruined my life. They made me out to look crazy, like stints in these rooms were going to fix me. Pills I took to forget them just made me want to die. The scars I acquired like trophies are mine to wear like badges of honor. All of that is what I thought with just that line. Then the music video was released. I literally screamed. I saw it and sobbed with a sweltering scream of pain. Seeing myself chained up to a painfully lit room, chained up, drugged up all because I loved. All my life since, I’ve thought I only belong there. Every day, every emotion I’ve had has ruined my life. Ever felt so fucking crazy and no one sees you? That’s what this feels like. But every day. There was something about the way Post Malone hugged Taylor that broke me again. I can’t explain it. I don’t think I’ve ever been held like that. Not as a child. Not as an adult. In that moment I realized I’ve needed a tortured tragic poet hero to come break me out of the asylum. And I’ve waited. I’ve tried escaping but I am pulled back. I think it’s the first time I’ve admitted it to myself I don’t think I can do this myself. But I have no choice and it’s a painful realization that all my life I’ve had to save myself. I’ve been the crazy one in the family. I am the one that isn’t all there. I just want to run to anyone who wants to hold me and tell me they’re getting me out of there. Like I said the song had an incredibly raw and taxing effect on me.

Down Bad, I think this one is really easy for anyone who sits there crying because you’re well, down bad. And it makes you angry. It makes you sad. I think a reel of me being second choice plays in my mind. The boy I like telling me he doesn’t want me. Or the boy telling me I’m nice but there’s better out there. Or begging the guy you love not to leave and him telling you that you’re too much. So he leaves you stranded like he’s doing you a favor. And yeah fuck every single one of them. There’s a petulance saying that. Saying fuck you for not wanting me. Fuck you for not being down bad for me. Fuck you for not doing the all the fighting so you don’t lose me.

So Long, London. It’s track five. I gave all my youth for free. And to have to say goodbye to all of that like it’s my fault? Like it’s my prophecy to be a tragedy.

Fresh Out the Slammer, I’ve lived this song so many times. And then I grew up. I erased the number. Forgot it like my life depended on it but for a while, I knew who’d my first call was too. Then I realized they’d never pick up anyway. I know better.

Guilty as Sin? I’m very guilty. Listen to the way song builds like nirvana. And imagine yourself in it. Alone. I say this a lot but if you read my diary there’s an entry with these lyrics lived out by me. Tell me, you haven’t fantasized. Tell me you don’t recall things you never did. Tell me your body hasn’t longed before but you told yourself to let it stay in a vault. A fantasy where you’ve already done it in your head? I think it actually follows edging to completion. Your mind playing tricks on you, your sheets your only grasp, your chest rising and falling harder and quicker, labored breathing, waves of pleasure crashing into you, words escaping your lips, longing glances into other eyes while yours are closed. It’s a fatal fantasy that takes over you. And you worship it, religiously. Go ahead, recall the things you never did. Be guilty as sin.

Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me? You should be. This is a response to mirroball. It’s so easy to vilify the quiet, the nice, the good girl. And then she breaks. Then she’s done playing your chess games. Being a pawn in schemes. I feel this so much as an eldest daughter, as the one that has to be perfect and a degree below that was unacceptable.

loml, I want to acknowledge that this song broke me. I still can’t listen fully without losing it. They say wounds heal with time. But I’m still waiting.

I Can Do It With A Broken Heart, I think for me this is just how I’ve lived my life. I don’t get to be shattered without movement. I must be broken hearted and figure it out, be a tough kid, fake it, smile even if I want to die. It’s an art I’ve perfected.

The Alchemy, I’d like to wake up from the hospital stay. I’d like to be out of the vision in my head. Chemistry is something I’ve always been so fascinated with. You cannot fake it. You cannot learn it or grow it. It’s either there or not. It borders on magical. It’s the only time I believe in something otherworldly. You can’t fight it. You can hide it. Sure. But it’ll pull you out of darkness. It’s my favorite trope. Magnets. Addiction. The most human thing because you can’t make it in a lab. Like the hand of God said here’s the alchemy, you’ll find the other part of that equation.

In-depth thoughts for The Anthology will come later tonight.

[wallisninety-six]

The Bittersweet Tragedy- and Triumph of The Beach Boys' "Sunflower" (1970)

Pet Sounds and the collapse of Smile in 1967 is often seen by mainstream critics and some fans alike as *the* defining moment where The Beach Boys lost the script, lost their knack for quality album-making and started a creative downward spiral for the band and Brian Wilson himself. Things *were* far from rosy, but this is also far from true. In reality, that exact moment occurred with the release, and total chart failure of Sunflower in 1970.

The truth is that Brian, while definitely ceding his leadership role slowly, was still writing tons of music for the band and remained heavily involved (with the exception of the album 20/20 in 1969, when he was in a psychiatric hospital) with the creation & production process of the band's albums from 1967-1970, and Sunflower was no exception. This time though, he wasn't alone.

Since Brian had taken a firm leadership role since the band's early days and practically cemented his position with Pet Sounds & Smile- the group's unease with his direction grew, tensions rose considerably, and infighting at times got really heated- and after Smile's collapse, the rest of the group emerged to slowly & gradually offer their songwriting talents and make music more as a collective than ever before. Although very fragmented- 20/20 represented a new peak for the band actually working *as* a band together.

With the band in a severe amounts of debt, depressed, struggling to find their footing in a practical power vacuum, plus submitting album after album to their new labels (with nearly 40 tracks) and having them constantly be rejected- the fact that Sunflower exists as it does is nothing short of a miracle. Not less because the Boys- even if it was for a fleeting moment, found harmony and could work together effectively as a true collective, making a unanimous statement about the power of music and love, each in their own way. It's seen by some as the band's Abbey Road, and it's not hard to see why.

Each and *every* single member showed off their music chops and in their own way- with so many moods and feelings, a variety of vocalists plus different (and even groundbreaking) instrumentals. The stars aligned for this extremely hard-fought and incredibly genuine album. But it wasn't enough.

When it was released, critics liked the album fine enough, but most questioned the need for anyone to listen to the Beach Boys anymore, throwing them to the wayside. Sunflower *peaked* at 151 at the Billboard 200, their worst showing ever at that time- *this* was the defining moment that started the downward spiral.

Just like with Pet Sounds, Brian was absolutely devastated by the commercial failure & lukewarm response of Sunflower- only now his psyche was much more damaged and rattled than it was in 1966, and he retreated further and further away from the band, famously staying in bed for over 2 years, overeating and abusing drugs, and barely appearing in later albums until 1976, and even then he wasn't as involved thanks to the extremely toxic relationship between him and his abusive, controlling "therapist" Eugene Landy.

The rest of the band started to drift apart in a major way, with acrimonious and even extremely bitter tensions hitting a fever pitch- with individual members traveling to concerts *separately* and with Carl Wilson being the one single thread that kept the band from completely collapsing. Fellow Beach Boy Bruce Johnston would leave the band in 1972 and wouldn't return many years later. Dennis Wilson would chart out his own solo career, but his promising rise was tragically cut short by drug & alcohol issues that would eventually kill him in 1983. Carl Wilson- the youngest member, would die from lung cancer in 1998 at only 51 years old, and the band completely fractured virtually for good. Creative and fully collaborative songwriting would end as the band became an oldies act cashing in on their past success.

Sunflower has seen a bit of a resurgence since around the 2000s, not only slowly but surely becoming a cult classic with a devoted following, but it's also finally received recognition from the types of major publications that once shunned it (and the band)- with the likes of Rolling Stone, The Guardian, and AV Club ranking it as one of the greatest albums ever made. Perhaps the biggest tragedy is that the rest of the band members' individual hard work and legitimate talents for music weren't recognized for decades- and for Carl and Dennis Wilson, they never would in their lifetimes.

The history before and after Sunflower makes the listening experience much more emotional and incredibly bittersweet- not less because it still feels so tragically timeless and genuine- the band came out of some of the darkest years of their life to make an incredibly gorgeous work of love. Unlike many of their much later albums, there was more of a broad, positive reception to Sunflower among the band members- with lifelong rivals Brian Wilson and Mike Love coming together in agreement to sing it's praises.

It just wasn't made for it's time- but with the band members getting older and as the past fades away, it's about time to give it a shot, and realize (as much as i admire him) that The Beach Boys was not just Brian Wilson- it was filled to the brim with talent, and that even in the darkest times, setting aside differences and working together can truly create something beautiful.

[oldhabitsdiescrming]

prefacing this with saying i haven't listened to the leaks. let's go.

every single time taylor releases an album, people who love critiquing leaks say it's the worst one yet.

this isn't new. i call it the eminem complex - every time a new album drops, everyone is all over it because they need it to be the worst thing in the world. they need it to be awful. they need it to be trash. they need it to be whatever they're saying it is because they cannot STAND certain people staying on top. a woman, a poc, an lgbtq+ artist, that doesn't matter. it happened to beyonce. it happened to eminem ("every CD, critics give it a three/then three years later go back and re-rate it.", "i guess enough time just ain't passed yet/a couple more years, that shit'll be illmatic."). pretty sure it happened to lil nas x. doja. megan thee stallion. i could go on, but you get the point. this has been a thing forever, but i'm focusing on strictly recent examples.

if you're on top, some fans/critics are gonna hate it. they want their indie artist. they want their underground. they wanna go against the mainstream and be seen as someone cutting corners with this critique of this high-end artist, and in taylor's case, they're gonna cling to when she hit a new peak: quarantine.

they want another folkmore situation so bad that it's almost tragic, but at the same time, how dare her albums sound similar? they want their sad indie girl who sings about heartbreak while staring out her window, donning her cardigan and sipping on white wine. they want their girl who felt like she was gonna fade from relevancy until she didn't.

because we all noticed that, didn't we? people want the pheonix after it burns itself down. who wants what it becomes when the ash rebuilds? we want tragedy because tragedy is relatability. we crave heartbreak from a woman fading out of mind because we feel like we're in on something the rest of the world isn't. we suffered with her back then. when midnights came out, hundreds of new fans claimed it to be her worst work yet without understanding that taylor swift isn't a one trick pony. notice how it's grown on seemingly everyone since the announcement of ttpd? notice how critics are going back and re-rating, re-evaluating because now it's old news. now it's not got everyone's eyes on it. now there's this new shiny toy to chip away at until the next one is announced.

because if it sounds similar to midnights, it's a copycat. if it's entirely different then it's a joke. if it's too cunty then it's her being a bad person, if it's too sad then she's a whiny bitch once again. because being on top means one thing: people want to bring you down.

veteran swifties are used to this. i've loved her since the original fearless era, i've seen this film before (sorry). we've all been here, done that, but i've only been on tumblr since late november/maybe early december, and the amount of people i'm seeing who are fans until they're not?

give it two years, they'll be calling this underappreciated and misunderstood while the cycle repeats itself.

happy ttpd release day 🖋️

[jeeyuns]

get to know me even better 🥂

this is sooo so visually interesting and i loved learning more about my beloveds who tagged me: @forthewolves @daffi-990 @wikiangela

🎈

jellyfish - picked this as my aquatic creature to research in a random first-year seminar in freshman year of college and oh boy ARE THEY COOL OR WHAT. you'll learn more about what i learned about them in ch2 of my bethlehem fic 😉

The Before Trilogy (Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, Before Midnight) - guys, this is my end all be all romance film trilogy. the chemistry between ethan hawke and julie delpy? the sometimes improvised dialogue? the sweeping emotions? them filming the two sequels exactly 9 years apart from each other???

autumn - best best season forreal. and i currently live in new england so get to reap the benefits every year as the leaves turn and the pumpkins are ready to be carved

(cut to save your dash)

Richie Jerimovich, The Bear - guys, Eddie Diaz owns my heart, but i will defend my boy richie with MY LIFE. you hear me? this secretly tswift loving idiot takes 2 seasons to grow on you to the point where you DON'T want to stab him in the ass but SHITTTT did he make me cry

vermillion into indigo - so i cheated and basically chose two, but the sweet spot between these two colors, and how they just look next to each other. uuunnnffffff. obSESSED

astrology - everyone in my real life knows that i will ask them their exact birth time and birth place to keep a listing of their astro charts and talk astro with them if they give me the green light. the above chart is one i did for our very own buck in my first fic and i stand by it. that boy is a cancer/sag/aquarius

the Oresteia, translated by the imitable Anne Carson - we're all obsessed with these three greek tragedies on tumblr dot com. you see quotes about orestes and euripides all the time. well, anne's translation is my favorite of them all. if you ever have the chance, please read her translation. it is life-changing (and also helps me weep more as i'm writing buddie)

Bug Like an Angel by Mitski - goddd i am so excited for her new album. this is the lead single off it it and i get teary-eyed each time the gospel choral kicks in. she's singing about religious themes, offering a rueful reflection of the narrator’s broken promises and mistakes while brushing on the topic of alcoholism and it just sticks with me on a broken loop for days

Vodka Martini, extra dirty - i am still a whiskey gal, but lately (maybe it's the old age i'm embracing) but a classic vodka martini with a couple extra olives on a stick and rinsed into the cocktail is my go to

tagging because i love my friends and want to see yours too or just to chat, no pressure: @shitouttabuck @alyxmastershipper @diazblunt @devirnis @lucydonato @barbiebuckley-han @transboybuckley @lesliesknopes @pirrusstuff @911onabc @disasterbuckdiaz @ice-sculptures @wildlife4life 💋