#Exactly?

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

Charlie: "I have to put my hoof down on this, I've got one hard rule- I am NOT going to date an active murderer."

Vaggie: "...."

Vaggie: "What if the stab wound doesn't kill them."

Charlie: "Depends."

Vaggie: "On?"

Charlie: "Did they attack first were they very rude are they an Overlord you need to distract so you can run was it an accident am I around to help or is this a potential life and death situation how nicely does the blood spatter accent your beautiful jawline did you say sorry afterwards-"

Vaggie: "Wait go back, what blood splatter thing."

Charlie: "I mean this is HELL so it's not that big a deal? We're pretty used to getting gore and bloodstains out of clothes- there's even a special washer setting for-"

Vaggie: "My jawline."

Charlie: "Mmm no I think kisses are better for that? Or licking."

Vaggie: "Licking?"

Charlie: "It works for cleaning too! Honestly Razzle and Dazzle might be onto something there, because- "

Vaggie: "Even when I'm spattered with blood?"

Charlie: "...."

Charlie: "maaaaybe"

Vaggie: "...that's not a huge incentive to avoid violence, babe."

Charlie: "Murder. I specifically said, try not to do MURDER. Murder isn't sexy."

Vaggie: "But if it's just a little blood dripping down my face-"

Charlie: "-THis topic! Is no longer safe for work!"

Vaggie: "Oh my girlfriend-"

Charlie: "T-TAKING MY TITLE IN VAIN ISN'T HELPING EITHER!!!!!!"

[arsonshub]

the one thing i critique beastars about is

if wolves and other carnivores can survive off fucking bean-protein and eggs then like

i dont feel is super unreasonable an "Herbivore" could eat meat and not throw up/their body reject it entirely

[bonesandthebees]

one of the most infuriating things about becoming an adult is when you realize that it actually is 10x easier to solve problems by making a phone call vs literally any other communication method

[batri-jopa]

world_of_engineering_75 on Instagram

[myimaginationplain]

white queers are always so damned certain that "true" queerness is for them & them alone. expressions of queerness from Black people (most notably, Black women & those percieved as women) that don't center whiteness & aren't tailored for white audiences are always, always pegged as being unbelievable. all this plus a heaping dose of thay classic "all bi women are dirty attention seeking liars" brand of biphobia. fuck off man

[mudanonaito]

[tuttle-did-it]

David Tennant for Prime Minister, please.

edit- Since this is getting so much attention, edited to include descriptions of screenshots.

This woman has lost her fucking mind.

Jo, are you okay?

[mumblesplash]

reaction image

[marisatomay]

Bit telling that for years and years evangelical religious extremists have been allowed on university campuses with their bullhorns and horrific imagery where they harass students into physical altercations and when students complain to the university’s administration they just shrug their shoulders citing freedom of speech but when those same tuition-paying students start protesting against war and genocide they call SWAT

[inkskinned]

i got rickrolled today but it didn't work because i have adblocker installed, so youtube just told me i violated the terms of service. yesterday i was trying to edit a picture as a joke for my girlfriend, and google made me check a box to prove i'm human because i wasn't "searching normally".

it isn't just that capitalism is killing fun and whimsy, it is that any element of entertainment or joy is being fed upon by this mosquito body, one that will suck you dry at any vulnerability.

do you want to meet new friends in your city? download this app, visit our website, sign up for our email list. pay for this class on making a terrarium, on candlemaking, on cooking. it will be 90 dollars a session. you can go to group fitness, but only under our specific gym membership. solve the puzzle, sign up for our puzzle-of-the-month-club. what is a club if not just a paid opportunity - you are all paying for the same thing, which makes you a community.

but you're like me, i know it - you're careful, you try the library meetings and the stuff at the local school and all of that. the problem is that you kind of want really specific opportunities that used to exist. you are so grateful for libraries and the publicly-funded things: they are, however, an exception - and everything they have, they've fought tooth-and-nail to protect. you read a headline about how in many other states, libraries have virtually nothing left.

do you want to meet up with your friends afterwards? gift your friends the discord app. you can choose to go to a cafe (buy a coffee, at least), a bar (money, alcohol) or you can all stay in and catch a movie (streaming) or you can all stay in bed (rent. don't get me started) and scream (noise complaint. ticket at least).

you want to read a new book, but the book has to have 124 buzzwords from tiktok readers that are, like, weirdly horny. you can purchase this audiobook on audible! your podcast isn't on spotify, it's on its own server, pay for a different site. fuck, at least you're supporting artists you like. the art museum just raised their ticket price. once, they had a temporary exhibit that acknowledged that ~85% of their permanent art galleries were from cis white men, and that they had thousands of works by women (even famous women, like frida! georgia o'keefe!) just rotting in their basement. that exhibit lasted for 3 months and then they put everything away again.

walmart proudly supports this strip of land by the street! here are some flowers with wilting leaves. its employees have to pay out-of-pocket for their uniforms. my friend once got fined by the city because she organized a community pick-up of the riverfront, which was technically private property.

no, you cannot afford to take that dance class, neither can i. by the way - i'm a teacher. i'm absolutely not saying "educators shouldn't be paid fairly." i'm saying that when i taught classes, renting a studio went from 20 bucks an hour to 180 in the span of 6 months. no significant changes to the studio were made, except they now list the place as updated and friendly. the heat still doesn't work in the building. i have literally never seen the landlord who ignores my emails. recently they've been renting it out at night as an "unusual nightclub; a once-in-a-lifetime close-knit party." they spent some of those 180 dollars on LEDs and called it renovating. the high heels they invite in have been ruining the marley.

do you want to experience the old internet? do you want to play flash games or get back the temporary joy of club penguin? you can, you just need to pay for it. i have a weird, neurodivergent obsession with occasionally checking in to watch the downfall and NFT-ification of neopets. if i'm honest with you all - i never got into webkins, my family didn't have the money to buy me a pointless elephant. people forget that "being poor" can mean literally "if i buy you that toy, i can't afford rent."

you and i don't have time to make good food, and we don't have the budget for it. we are not gonna be able to host dinner parties, we're not made of money, kid. do you want some kind of 3rd space? a space that isn't home or work or school? you could try being online, but - what places actually exist for you? tiktok counts as social media because you see other people on it, not because they actually talk to you.

there was a local winter tradition of sledding down the hill at my school. kids would use pizza boxes and jackets and whatever worked, howling and laughing. back in september, they made a big announcement that this time, rules were changing, and everyone must pay 10 dollars to participate. when im not scared shitless, i kind of appreciate the environmental irony - it hasn't gone below 40. so much for snow & joyriding.

i saw a bulletin for a local dogwalking group and, nervous about making a good first impression, showed up early. the first guy there grimaced at me. "sorry," he said. "there's a 30-dollar buy-in fee." i thought he was joking. wait. for what? the group doesn't offer anything except friendship and people with whom to walk around the city.

he didn't know the answer. just shrugged at me. "you know," he said. "these days, everything costs money."

[christadeguchi]

(✿◕‿◕) die (ꈍ ꒳ ꈍ✿)

[adriles]

they are Cancelling me for dealing with my grief as best i can . also for the vicious war Crimes

[prolibytherium]

David Attenborough narration: But this very special Fish has not come here to feed...

Me: No way dude I was so sure he was hungry but my expectations are subverted Listening and learning.

David Attenborough narration: ...He has come here... To Breed.

Me: WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[inkubadoramagica]

Looks like the Wolverine has nightmares, thank God Wade is there to comfort his babygirl.

[problemnyatic]

While we're on the subject of swinging our fists at God

The ACLU is gonna take action against Mastercard for their anti-porn schtick! Y'know, one of the major reasons the internet turned to shit in the last ten years? It's literally like 95% of the way there, we just need a few more signatures and the petition Gets There. You have to be USAmerican to sign, but there's enough of us here to fill in the last few signatures needed several times over, so go on over and throw your name on there!!

[hinamie]

mentor