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teapartyprincess4two · 1 year ago

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Can i ask for a johnnie guilbert x reader where the reader is a friend of tara who is a very private person, so she gets know in the channel as "baby" and people start to notice that johnnie gets shy and is always looking somewhere off camera (to her)

A LOTTTT of pinning by johnnie (like so much it hurts)

And maybe at the end he confesses she kisses him and a lil sum-sum 😏

Thank uuuuu 😘

Babygirl- J. Guilbert

pairing: shy!reader x Johnnie

classification: fluff

warning: use of y/n, slight cursing, slow build up, Jake and Tara are dating in this, suggestive content but NO smut, very long

inspiration: request^^, Deaf, Mute, and Blind Baking, Becoming Tara Yummy for a Day

summary: You didn’t choose a life in the limelight, you were just famous by association, and now you’ve earned yourself the nickname “babygirl” by the entire internet.

—

Most people wish they had the fame you had, they spend their entire life reaching for an unattainable dream that fell in your lap by coincidence. They wish for the fancy cars, the expensive clothes, and especially to be so famous they’re stopped by fans on the street for a picture.

Tara, your best friend, was one of those people. She spent her childhood and teenage years fangirling over pop stars and YouTubers, hoping that one day people would be fangirling over her too. She worked hard to earn the platform she has today, bringing you along with her to the top. But you never asked for any of this.

At first her newfound fame didn’t affect you, you were just a recurring background character in her videos and would sometimes, but very rarely, have a main role in them. Although you tried remaining in the background, the internet is quick to get attached to shy, background characters and before you knew it the fans were begging for more content with you.

So now you and Tara are a well known YouTube duo and you’re featured in almost every one of her videos, most of the time opting to participate from behind the camera. You especially remain behind the scenes when Jake and Johnnie are involved, specifically because you’re never able to hide your crush on Johnnie and would probably die from embarrassment if the fans caught on.

Like today for example, Jake and Johnnie are over at your house filming. They’re filming a video they’ve filmed many times before, they’re turning Tara emo. The three of them are piled onto the couch, discussing topic after topic as Johnnie packs on black eyeshadow on Tara’s eyes.

“Ow, Johnnie. You’re hurting me!” she squeals as Johnnie accidentally pokes her in the eye with the bristles of the brush. You can’t help but giggle from behind the camera, watching as Johnnie becomes flustered. “Sorry! I only ever do my own makeup, okay?” he apologizes, not becoming any more gentle with his motions. Johnnie glances at you quickly, a smile forming on his face because of your laughter.

“Why are you laughing, Y/n? You’re next,” Jake chimes in, following his statement with a boisterous laugh. Your face flushes slightly as you reply with a laugh, “no I’d prefer not to be tortured.” Johnnie laughs at this, sending you a fake pout, “you hate my look that much?”

Your face becomes even more red, if that was even possible. You didn’t mean the comment like that. Tara, whose face is being attacked with makeup, chimes in, “No, Y/n is too babygirl for this.”

“Oh God, you’re making me sound so high maintenance,” you laugh, shaking your head in disbelief at Tara’s comment. “It’s true though!” she exclaims, turning to face you just as Johnnie begins applying eyeliner, causing a black streak to run from the corner of her eye to her hairline.

“Guys, Y/n is probably the most high maintenance out of the four of us. She gets a manicure exactly every two weeks, she gets her hair redyed like once a month, her room is NEVER dirty. She almost never ever has dirty laundry, AND she irons her clothes. Who irons their clothes?” Tara exclaims, flailing her arms in the air dramatically.

“So yes, she’s babygirl,” Tara’s talking to the camera now, completely oblivious to her appearance. You scrunch your name at the nickname, the internet tended to latch onto things like that, “First of all, you look ridiculous right now. And secondly, don’t call me that. I don’t need to be known as ‘babygirl’ for the rest of my life,” you reply, laughing as Johnnie tries to fix his mistake but fails.

Jake, who’s sitting on the couch next to Johnnie, straightens up and leans forward to look at Tara. He immediately laughs at the sight, the black eyeliner smudged all over her face. “You’re just mad that it has a nice ring to it,” Tara retorts, choosing to ignore the mess Johnnie made. You scoff, glad that the camera isn’t on you to catch how your eyes train on Johnnie.

“Okay, but doesn’t it sound cute?” Tara proposes the question to the boys, waiting expectantly for them to answer. Jake was always quick to agree with her, it was a trait she trained him to have over the years of their relationship, “yeah, it’s pretty cute.” Tara nods her head in triumph, turning to Johnnie for his response.

Johnnie doesn’t know what to say, he agrees that the nickname is cute, but he’s afraid he’ll say too much and expose his crush for you. “Johnnie?” Tara says, widening her eyes as she awaits his response.

“What was the nickname again?” Johnnie asks, trying to act casual. But if the cameras zoomed in they’d easily catch how his hands tremble as he fixes Tara’s eyeliner. “Babygirl?” he reiterates, attempting to sound confused and oblivious. Tara nods her head, causing Johnnie to mess up once again, but he’s too busy trying to keep his composure to care.

Coming from him the nickname doesn’t sound so bad, it actually makes you want to take back everything you just said. “Babygirl is cute,” he murmurs, sending you a small glance before quickly turning back towards Tara. You hide your face in your hands, trying to hide your flushed cheeks and the smile that won’t go away no matter how hard you try.

“Enough with the babygirl talk,” you groan, but you really loved hearing him say it.

—

From that moment on, you were known as babygirl within the fandom. You couldn’t escape the nickname no matter how hard you tried, and the fans loved teasing you about it. Whether it be through edits, Instagram comments, or tweets; the fans were always calling you the nickname.

Johnnie, Jake and Tara are currently filming yet another video, despite your protests. The three of them are standing behind the kitchen counter, with either tape on their mouths, earmuffs on, or blindfolded. They were trying to bake a cake, something they struggled to do even without the inhibiting factors, so all they were really doing was making a big mess.

They understand your hesitance with being on camera, so they never force you to make any special appearances, but you still loved to watch. You sit behind the counter, just out of view of the camera, watching in amusement as the three interact.

Johnnie keeps getting distracted by you, fumbling and stuttering his way through the intro. You watch as Johnnie struggles to find the supplies needed for the video, searching through every cabinet in the kitchen. “Every time Johnnie says he’s ready, he’s never ready,” Jake comments, adjusting the black beanie on his head. “Where the fuck did I put it? No, Jake where did you put it?” Johnnie replies, scavenging for the baking supplies.

“They’re in the pantry,” you comment, walking over to Johnnie briefly and guiding him towards the pantry. Johnnie smiles at you, grateful that there’s at least one sane person here to help him. The interaction was caught on camera, but you were too distracted to realize.

“Thanks babygirl,” Tara exclaims, bopping her head to the music blasting through her headphones. You roll your eyes, helping Johnnie take everything out of the grocery bags and sprawling them out onto the counter. Once everything is in order, Johnnie’s mouth is quickly covered with a sticker, but he’s happy he isn’t blindfolded because he can keep sneaking glances at you.

The entire situation was chaotic, none of them had any clue how to communicate properly and they had less knowledge on how to bake a cake. Jake’s arms were stretched forward as he tried finding his way through the kitchen, Tara’s loud singing making it hard for them to concentrate on one task alone.

Tara, who wore the headphones, was more focused on singing than the cake. You watch them intently, unable to stop yourself from laughing, “you need to whisk the cake!” Tara, who can’t hear a single thing you’re saying, repeats your statement causing you to burst into laughter.

Johnnie pulls out a plastic butter knife, deeming it appropriate for the task. “Get the beater!” Tara yells, following it by belting out song lyrics. Johnnie has no idea what Tara is talking about, so he sends you a pleading look. If there’s anyone here who’s going to help him finish this cake, it’s you.

“The whisk, get the whisk!” you exclaim, trying to talk over Tara’s singing as best as possible.

“What’s going on?!” Jake asks, one of his flailing arms slapping both Johnnie and Tara. Johnnie’s laughs are muffled by the sticker as he holds the whisk out for Jake, guiding him to the bowl.

“Babygirl?!” Tara is being so loud, her voice a good three octaves higher than normal. “Stop yelling!” you exclaim, but she ignores you and changes the song, continuing to belt out the lyrics.

“Y/n, we need your help,” Jake comments, stirring the bowl so aggressively that it was twirling. “We have no idea what we’re doing,” he continues, lifting the whisk up and blindly taking a lick.

“JAKE DON’T LICK IT!” Tara yells.

Johnnie’s laughter and shocked scream are muffled, his face scrunched up as he laughs uncontrollably, and you can’t look away. You wish you weren’t so shy, so that way you’d be able to join them in this fun activity without feeling anxious.

“This cake is going to be so bad,” you chuckle, catching Johnnie’s attention. His eyes linger on you for a little too long, a moment the fans were definitely going to clip and edit.

“What did you say?! Did you say my singing is bad?!” Tara is still yelling, following each and every statement with loud singing.

Many dirty dishes and a messy kitchen later, the cake is finally done. The oven rings throughout the kitchen, and Jake and Tara send Johnnie to fish the hot pan out. The cake didn’t look too bad, but considering you watched them make it, you weren’t too excited to actually try it.

“You have to wait until it cools to frost it!” Tara exclaims, the headphones causing her volume to be more than pleasant. Johnnie can’t respond because of the sticker, and he doesn’t want to wait for it to cool, so he continues haphazardly spreading the icing over the camera. Jake, on the other hand, is in his own world.

“That actually looks disgusting. It’s raw,” you gasp, watching as Johnnie lifts the spatula to reveal an uncooked, watery mess. “It’s undercooked!” Tara yells, her inability to hear you causing her to repeat everything you say in different words.

Johnnie’s muffled laughter is infectious, earning a string of laughter from you. “Let’s just eat it,” Jake suggests, facing the complete opposite direction of the group. The beanie on his head inhibits him from seeing the state of the cake, but even if he could see it, he would probably still ask for a bite.

“Wait let me help,” you get up from your seat and walk behind the countertop, immediately searching for something to serve the cake in. “This is gonna have to do it,” you hand Johnnie three plastic cups. He scoops up the raw batter, the liquid cake jiggling in the cup and running down the sides, immediately coating his fingers in frosting and batter.

“We’re gonna get salmonella,” Tara is staring at the goopy mess in shock, how had they managed to mess up such a simple recipe?

“I wanna see… I think we should take this off,” Jake yanks his beanie off, a fit of laughter attacking him as soon as he sees the state of the cake. Tara was subconsciously poking at it, creating a big hole in the center. Johnnie’s hands were full of chocolate frosting, and he held them up in exasperation as he waited for someone to remove the sticker from his mouth.

“Here lemme help you,” you murmur, gentle hands removing the sticker. Your touch lingers a little too long, but he doesn’t complain. If he had it his way, you’d have your arms around his neck and his lips would be on yours.

“Thanks, babygirl,” he whispers in return, loving how easily the nickname riled you up. You hated how much you loved hearing him say it.

“This is actually not that bad!” Tara’s boisterous voice breaks you two from the intimate moment, forcing you to reenter reality. “Try it,” Jake suggests, going back for a second scoop.

Johnnie is hesitant, but he grabs the cup and puts a spoonful of the raw cake batter in his mouth. His face contorts in disgust, but it couldn’t be that bad, could it? “Here let me try,” you take the cup from him, using his spoon to take your own bite.

As soon as the cake hits your tongue, you’re gagging. “Oh wow this is horrible,” you say, fighting the urge to throw up. They’re all laughing at your reaction, Jake pulling a long hair from his mouth in the process. “I love this hair, adds flavor.”

“Oh my God, I’m gonna throw up,” the hair Jake held between his fingers was only making the situation worse for you.

“See, she’s so babygirl,” Tara laughs, joking about the situation even if she found it equally as gross.

—

It seemed like your friends were always filming because every time the four of you hung out there always seemed to be a camera lurking not too far. Like today for example, Tara gathered everyone for a casual hangout, but once you arrived she explained that everyone was going to be living like her for the day. At first, you declined her invitation, making a lame excuse about not feeling good. But she begged and begged for you to be in the video, and before you knew it you were an integral part of it.

“Okay, since you guys are becoming me for the day, it’s only fitting that you dress the part. So, put on these track suits,” Tara says as she hands you, Jake, and Johnnie each a pink track suit. You’re trying to hide from the camera as much as possible, but Tara keeps pulling you back in every time you almost wander away.

The three of you shimmy into the outfits, immediately feeling the Tara Yummy essence wash over you.

“This is sexy,” Jake comments, admiring his figure as the sweatpants hang loosely from his hips. “I’m serving cunt,” Johnnie says, joining Jake in admiring himself. Their tattoos peeked through, contrasting the pink outfits entirely.

You emerge from the hallway seconds later, the track suit providing you with a newfound confidence, “I feel so stupid, but I also kinda feel like that bitch.” You stand still, allowing the camera to pan to you before hitting a dramatic pose. You turn around to show the camera the backside of the suit, the word babygirl written in curly white letters across your ass. “Slay, babygirl, slay,” Tara chimes in, strutting over to you and hitting the same pose.

“Let’s please not start with the babygirl jokes,” you groan jokingly, adjusting the sweatpants that kept riding up, you were starting to get a wedge. But you knew you weren’t going to escape the babygirl comments today, especially not with it written across your backside. It was like a label that you were forced to wear for the rest of the day, and the fans would surely seize the opportunity and run with it. To top it all off, the four of you were so well color coordinated that you looked like a 90’s girl group, ready to perform on stage at any moment.

“This is fun, but I still don’t understand why I’m being forced to do this,” you say, staring at Tara blankly.

“Because you’re my best friend,” she replies cheerily, offering you a big smile and booping your nose. It was hard to stay mad at her. She walks away, joining Jake as they engage in conversation.

“And you’re babygirl,” Johnnie teases, coming up from behind you unexpectedly, immediately causing a blush to form on your face. He loved watching you get flustered over the nickname. He laughs at your reactions, relishing every bit of it.

“Alright, first things first, time to eat. Mama’s hungry,” Tara says, ignoring yours and Johnnie’s interaction before facing the camera and leading everyone to the car. Jake and Tara are far ahead, leaving you and Johnnie to trail behind.

“It’s gonna be leaves,” Johnnie whispers to you, earning a laugh in response. He loved making you laugh. “Yeah, how much you wanna bet we end up at Health Nut?” you ask, settling the bet with a firm handshake between you and Johnnie. His hand holds a firm grip on yours, almost like he’s hesitant to let go as he says goofily, “$2, take it or leave it.”

As predicted, the four of you end up at Tara’s favorite restaurant; Health Nut. It’s no one else’s restaurant of choice, but you’re living as Tara for the day so it doesn’t matter what the rest of you want. You’ve been here with Tara enough to be familiar with the menu, so you order a simple salad and drink before moving to the side and allowing Johnnie to order. Once he’s finished ordering, he pays for your meals before letting Jake and Tara order.

Johnnie is playing it up for the cameras, trying to embarrass himself with his actions before the pink track suit does it for him. He’s sitting on a toddler chair and you stand next to him, choosing him as your comfort zone.

Because you always opted to remain behind the scenes, most of the viewers weren’t completely aware of yours and Johnnie’s dynamic. You two were always clinging to each other in uncomfortable or unfamiliar situations, making quiet jokes to make the other laugh. You both also had a huge crush on each other, which further served as a gravitational pull.

“Order for… babygirl?” the employee calls out, a hint of confusion in their voice as they read the name on the order. This immediately causes you to laugh out loud. “You did not do that,” you whisper shout at Johnnie, who held his hands up in feigned defense as he tries not to burst into laughter. You awkwardly grab the food, both of youwalking over to Tara and Jake’s table.

“Did they just call you babygirl?” Tara asks as soon as you’re sitting down. “Yes dude, fucking Johnnie told them that was my name,” you laugh, hiding your red face in your hands. They call out Tara’s name and she dismisses herself briefly to pick up the food.

“Let’s go!” She exclaims from the restaurant’s front door, bag and drink in hand as she pushes the door open and walks outside. “Oh, I guess Tara Yummy eats in the car,” Jake says sarcastically, the three of you following Tara to the car.

Once you’re in the car, you and Johnnie sit in the backseat while Jake and Tara occupy the front. “I wanted to eat in there, but you guys are so embarrassing,” Tara says, handing Jake his food.

She doesn’t give any of you enough time to respond, “you guys are already pretty embarrassing, but the pink track suits make us all look genuinely crazy.” She’s obnoxiously shaking her salad from the front seat, causing the entire car to rock.

“Damn, don’t gotta put your whole pussy into it,” Jake laughs, earning a sly remark from Tara. Soon, they’re lost in a conversation of their own, leaving you and Johnnie to talk quietly in the back seat.

“Why do you keep pushing this ‘babygirl agenda,’ sir?” You ask, both in true curiosity and to make light of the nickname. He blushes, mindlessly picking at the salad in front of him.

“Oh come on, don’t get all shy now,” you tease, piling up a good bite on your fork. He smiles at you awkwardly, preparing to admit something embarrassing.

“I think it’s kinda cute,” he admits with a shrug, taking a big bite of his food. Your eyes blow open in shock, this whole time you thought he was teasing you, but now it turns out he thinks it’s a cute nickname? “Don’t make fun of me,” Johnnie pleads in defense through a mouthful of food.

“I’m not, I just wasn’t expecting that,” you respond, trying not to be too loud. You couldn’t help it though, your giggles were soon filling the backseat. There was something about the confession that gave you hope that maybe you and Johnnie could be more than just friends. But you don’t want to get your hopes up, ir could easily all be for the video. You’re about to say something crazy and bold, but you’re cut off by Tara.

“Are you two done flirting? Cause I’m in the mood for coffee.” Leave it to her to ruin a sweet moment.

—

The day is finally over and the four of you are now wearing pajamas, reminiscing on the day’s events. Tara and Jake leave once the video is over, leaving you and Johnnie to lay on the large couch. The room is silent, but it’s not awkward, you’re both just catching up and joking.

“I was serious earlier, by the way,” he murmurs, staring at the ceiling above. “Yeah?” you say in a teasing tone, rolling over on your side so you’re facing him.

He takes a deep breath before continuing, “Yeah. If I’m being honest, I’ve had a crush on you for a long time. I’m surprised you haven’t noticed, I mean the fans definitely have.” You mindlessly play with the strings of your robe, subconsciously scooting closer to him.

“So that’s why you keep calling me babygirl?”

“Mmm yeah, mostly. I think it sounds cute,” he smiles down at you, your figure just slightly further down the couch. You feel a surge of confidence wash over you, something you don’t usually feel as a shy person, and straddle his lap.

He looks at you in shock, both arms limp at his sides. “Say it,” you whisper, moving your face dangerously closer to his. You use your hands to grab his, placing them on your waist. He feels excited, nervous, and shocked all at the same time, was this really happening?

You grind your hips down onto him, hoping to elicit a response from him. “Babygirl,” he whimpers, the sudden friction sending a shiver up his spine that has his hips bucking. You hum in response, finally inching close enough to connect your lips to his.

You’re in a heated make out session, completely obvious to the world around you. Johnnie’s hands are roaming your body, your hips are grinding down onto him, and your fingers are tangled in his hair. You kiss from his lips down to his neck, sucking and biting the delicious skin until you leave a hickey.

The situation is about to escalate, but Jake and Tara interrupt before it can. They saunter in loudly, both you and Johnnie jumping off of each other in shock.

“About damn time!” Jake says, applauding you both for finally make a move on each other. “Get it babygirl!” Tara laughs, joining Jake in his obnoxious round of applause.

“So annoying,” you groan, throwing a pillow at them and shooing them out. Once they’re out of the room, you and Johnnie share a sheepish look.

“You’re never escaping that nickname,” he chuckles, silently pulling you back on top of him. “That’s okay. If you’re the one saying it, I don’t mind,” you murmur, kissing him again.

“Okay, babygirl.”

—

MASTERLIST

a/n: Such a good request, I LUV being challenged with these specific requests!!! Hope I did it justice bby, I rewrote this like 5 times & had a different storyline each time. Also, I mentioned the famous hickey (💀💀) and I changed it from “baby” to “babygirl” because he mentioned that he’s “so babygirl” on Trisha’s podcast.

anyways, enjoy hunny bunches. Luv uuuuu

-L.A.M.B👼🏻💗

—

note: if you want to be tagged in my fanfic related posts, you can access my TAGLIST and comment 💐

note: requests are open, I will be writing as many as possible because you guys have sooo many good ideas. Please be patient 💗✨

#teapartyanonreqs✨💗#johnnie one shot #johnnie and jake #johnnie guilbert oneshot #johnnie #johnnie guilbert x y/n #johnnie guilbert fluff #johnnie guilbert x reader #johnnie guilbert fanfic #johnnie guilbert smut #johnnie guilbert #jake and johnnie #johnnie guilbert <3 #johnnie guilbert headcannons #johnnie guilbert angst #johnnie guilbert x you #Johnnie guilbert fanfiction #i love my emo boyfriend

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luvlunajpg · 1 year ago

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Caught ♡

♥︎ Pairing: Johnnie x fem reader

♥︎ Summary: Jake accidentally walked in on you and Johnnie doing the dirty while he was streaming

♥︎ Classification: slight fluff and smut

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ ༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆.✧˚ ༘˚⋆ ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ ༘˚⋆ ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹

It was 9pm you just got off your computer after a long day of streaming. You stretched your arms and cracked every knuckle to refresh yourself from the amount of cramps that was ignored during the stream. You decided to check on your boyfriend johnnie which was also streaming in his own office. You lightly opened his door to see him streaming while answering fan questions. he noticed you peeking through the door and gave you a quick wave before turning back to the computer.

“Sorry guys Y/N is spying on me right now. What a creep, wanna say hi?”

johnnie asked while waving at you to come over. You smiled and walked over to the camera to wave at his viewers.

“Hi guysss! How are you guys doing today? I just ended my stream a minute ago muah muah muah”

Johnnie giggled at the sight of his girlfriend blowing kisses at the camera. He rests his hand on your waist and rubbed his thumb over your hip bone causing you to have goosebumps.

“Alright babe this is my stream, yours ended a minute ago. Byeee”

Johnnie laughs as he lightly pushes you away from the camera. You rolled your eyes playfully and wave one last time to the camera before heading out. Before you head to your room, you saw Jake eating a box of Crumbl Cookies while streaming as well. At this point this has been something that is normal for you. you’ll often see the lights and cameras being set up around the house as if you’re a movie star but in reality, you’re just living with jake and johnnie. They need to make content and entertain their fans, you do the same thing as well nothing abnormal about this. You took a sip of cold water and waved at jake’s camera before jogging back to your room.

You took off your makeup, washed your face and slipped into the matching black lingerie set that johnnie bought for you on your birthday. You knew it was expensive so you just wore it to bed when you feel like it just to make his moneys worth. As you were scrolling through instagram you heard your door opened slowly. You looked over your shoulder to see your boyfriend johnnie walking in with the most exhausted face you’ve ever seen. You giggled at the sight of your tired boyfriend and pat on the empty space on your bed beside you. He groaned and flopped on that empty spot, letting him sink onto your soft velvet sheets. You played with his hair for a few minutes which caused him to lift his head up and whimper.

“mmmm babe~ you know i love it when you wear that black set. It looks so good on you” Johnnie whines as he sits up

“Oh really? I never noticed” you joked as you notice a bulge starting to form under johnnies jeans

Johnnie rolled his eyes and crashes his lips onto yours. Both of you started to make out and strip johnnie’s clothes one by one, leaving him with only his boxers on. You climbed onto his lap and gently rest your ass on his bulge causing him to groan. Johnnie leaves a trail of kisses from your lips all the way to your cleavage, leaving hickeys on your chest. You moan at the feeling of your chest being sucked and licked, you grind yourself against Johnnie’s bulge causing him to let out a moan.

“Y/N i want to fuck you so bad” johnnie moaned as he removes your lingerie and his boxers.

“Gosh they’re so perfect Y/N” johnnie sighs at the sight of your pierced nipples and perky breast infront of him. He place one of your boobs in his mouth causing you to moan and throw your head back. He swirls his tongue around your nipples as your hand gets lost in his hair. Both of you were grinding on eachother while Johnnie is leaving hickeys on your boobs. And suddenly the door slammed wide open

“OMG JOHNNIE YOU NEED TO— OH MY FUCK! SHIT! FUCK AHHH MY EYES OMG!!” Jake yells as he covers his eyes and drops the box of cookies on the floor

I jumped off johnnie and hid under the blankets as Johnnie covers himself as well

“WHAT THE FUCK DUDE ARENT YOU STREAMING?? GET OUT!!” Johnnie yells back at jake

“I AM STREAMING! I WAS LOOKING FOR YOU CAUSE I WANT YOU TO TRY THIS FLAVOUR OUT AND I KNOW YOU WOULD LOVE IT CAUSE-“

“JUST GET OUT!! JAKE!!!” Jake gets cut off by you and johnnie yelling at him. Jake apologises a countless of times as he attempts to leave the room with his eyes closed. After he finally leaves the room, johnnie locks the door behind him and nervously chuckle while scratching the back of his head. Your face was now as red as your velvet sheets and you still could not process how jake just walked in on you and Johnnie. Johnnie climbs back on the bed and giggled at your red face, giving your cheek a peck

“Now.. where were we?” Johnnie smirks while rubbing his thumb over your nipple piercing.

———————————————————————————

A/N:

hi you guys! I hope you guys enjoyed it ;-;, this is my first time writing smut or even fanfic in general so pls be nice hehe. Anyways! I’ll try and write more fanfic in the future. So far i am only comfortable in writing fluff and smut so feel free to give me any ideas on what i should write next. And yeah…

I LOVE YOU GUYS 🩷🖤

#jake and johnnie #johnnie guilbert #johnnie x reader #smut #johnnie smut #johnnie guilbert smut #johnnie fanfiction #johnnie guilbert fanfic #johnnie guilbert fanfiction #johnnie guilbert smut fanfic #johnnie guilbert fluff #johnnie fluff #johnnie x fem reader #johnnie x female reader

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neechees · 1 year ago

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Obviously the "Native Americans sell x thing for some worthless beads" thing is a reductive myth but even so stemming from that, I think people really misunderstand this as "1 plastic bead = money" type of thing because it's not so much the beads themselves that we'd place value on, but what someone who knows how to use them can do with them, and the labour associated with it. It's kind of like if you reduced the value of silk or muslin during the silk road era & just referred to it as "fabric".

Do you know how long it takes to even bead something small? A long ass time. Fully beaded clothing & works are expensive for a reason & still are. Having a fully beaded, fully matching pow wow set is considered bougie. It's part of a wider racist classification of Native art & labour as just silly "crafts" instead of fully appreciating the amount of work & talent required to do beadwork but still

#especially back then like GLASS BEADS BITCH? thats expensive #ndn

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fatehbaz · 1 year ago

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Tallying every single tree in the kingdom. Endangered South Asian sandalwood. British war to control the forests. Failure of the plantation. Until the twentieth century, the Empire couldn't figure out how to cultivate sandalwood because they didn't understand that the plant is actually a partial root parasite, so their plantation monoculture approach of eliminating companion species was self-defeating.

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Selling at about $147,000 per metric ton, the aromatic heartwood of Indian sandalwood (S. album) is arguably [among] the most expensive wood in the world. Globally, 90 per cent of the world’s S. album comes from India [...]. And within India, around 70 per cent of S. album comes from the state of Karnataka [...] [and] the erstwhile Kingdom of Mysore. [...] [T]he species came to the brink of extinction. [...] [O]verexploitation led to the sandal tree's critical endangerment in 1974. [...]

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Francis Buchanan’s 1807 A Journey from Madras through the Countries of Mysore, Canara and Malabar is one of the few European sources to offer insight into pre-colonial forest utilisation in the region. [...] Buchanan records [...] [the] tradition of only harvesting sandalwood once every dozen years may have been an effective local pre-colonial conservation measure. [...] Starting in 1786, Tipu Sultan [ruler of Mysore] stopped trading pepper, sandalwood and cardamom with the British. As a result, trade prospects for the company [East India Company] were looking so bleak that by November 1788, Lord Cornwallis suggested abandoning Tellicherry on the Malabar Coast and reducing Bombay’s status from a presidency to a factory. [...] One way to understand these wars is [...] [that] [t]hey were about economic conquest as much as any other kind of expansion, and sandalwood was one of Mysore’s most prized commodities. In 1799, at the Battle of Srirangapatna, Tipu Sultan was defeated. The kingdom of Mysore became a princely state within British India [...]. [T]he East India Company also immediately started paying the [new rulers] for the right to trade sandalwood.

British control over South Asia’s natural resources was reaching its peak and a sophisticated new imperial forest administration was being developed that sought to solidify state control of the sandalwood trade. In 1864, the extraction and disposal of sandalwood came under the jurisdiction of the Forest Department. [...] Colonial anxiety to maximise profits from sandalwood meant that a government agency was established specifically to oversee the sandalwood trade [...] and so began the government sandalwood depot or koti system. [...]

From the 1860s the [British] government briefly experimented with a survey tallying every sandal tree standing in Mysore [...].

Instead, an intricate system of classification was developed in an effort to maximise profits. By 1898, an 18-tiered sandalwood classification system was instituted, up from a 10-tier system a decade earlier; it seems this led to much confusion and was eventually reduced back to 12 tiers [...].

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Meanwhile, private European companies also made significant inroads into Mysore territory at this time. By convincing the government to classify forests as ‘wastelands’, and arguing that Europeans would improves these tracts from their ‘semi-savage state’, starting in the 1860s vast areas were taken from local inhabitants and converted into private plantations for the ‘production of cardamom, pepper, coffee and sandalwood’.

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Yet attempts to cultivate sandalwood on both forest department and privately owned plantations proved to be a dismal failure. There were [...] major problems facing sandalwood supply in the period before the twentieth century besides overexploitation and European monopoly. [...] Before the first quarter of the twentieth century European foresters simply could not figure out how to grow sandalwood trees effectively.

The main reason for this is that sandal is what is now known as a semi-parasite or root parasite; besides a main taproot that absorbs nutrients from the earth, the sandal tree grows parasitical roots (or haustoria) that derive sustenance from neighbouring brush and trees. [...] Dietrich Brandis, the man often regaled as the father of Indian forestry, reported being unaware of the [sole significant English-language scientific paper on sandalwood root parasitism] when he worked at Kew Gardens in London on South Asian ‘forest flora’ in 1872–73. Thus it was not until 1902 that the issue started to receive attention in the scientific community, when C.A. Barber, a government botanist in Madras [...] himself pointed out, 'no one seems to be at all sure whether the sandalwood is or is not a true parasite'.

Well into the early decades of twentieth century, silviculture of sandal proved a complete failure. The problem was the typical monoculture approach of tree farming in which all other species were removed and so the tree could not survive. [...]

The long wait time until maturity of the tree must also be considered. Only sandal heartwood and roots develop fragrance, and trees only begin developing fragrance in significant quantities after about thirty years. Not only did traders, who were typically just sailing through, not have the botanical know-how to replant the tree, but they almost certainly would not be there to see a return on their investments if they did. [...]

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The main problem facing the sustainable harvest and continued survival of sandalwood in India [...] came from the advent of the sandalwood oil industry at the beginning of the twentieth century. During World War I, vast amounts of sandal were stockpiled in Mysore because perfumeries in France had stopped production and it had become illegal to export to German perfumeries. In 1915, a Government Sandalwood Oil Factory was built in Mysore. In 1917, it began distilling. [...] [S]andalwood production now ramped up immensely. It was at this time that Mysore came to be known as ‘the Sandalwood City’.

---

Text above by: Ezra Rashkow. "Perfumed the axe that laid it low: The endangerment of sandalwood in southern India." The Indian Economic and Social History Review, Volume 51 (2014), Issue 1, pages 41-70. First published online 10 March 2014. DOI: 10.1177/0019464613515533 [Bold emphasis and some paragraph breaks/contractions added by me. Italicized first paragraph/heading in this post added by me. Presented here for commentary, teaching, criticism purposes.]

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jessaerys · 6 months ago

Text

it's prohibitely expensive to eat ethically euthanized meat and cruelty free dairy/eggs etc which is why im making an effort to eat less animal products and ideally go vegan which is not the same as considering all meat eating to be unethical. i'm just broke. it's evolutionarily natural as we are ominivores is a compelling argument. to me. but i know not-insane people (ie. not the "kill all obligate carnivore natural predators" weirdos) do argue that as ethical thinking beings that can survive without meat we have an obligation not to kill if it's not necessary for survival. which i can understand even if i disagree but my reasoning is that i think we will eventually discover and are discovering that plants possess forms of sentience (wherein sentience is not the same as but a primitive form of consciousness), memory, intelligence, observation skills and social behaviors (forests for example keep alive certain respected members of the community after they've been felled thru root sharing, as well as communicate and even depend on social networks of underground fungi. there is a plant that mimics the leaves of the plant it is climbing over through some form of vision, as experiments show it will even mimic plastic plants) then what is a bitch going to do. eat rocks. i already dislike the sentience hierarchy that exists within animal classifications. id rather bc ok with ending some sentient lives as morally neutral when done without cruelty than have a crisis in 2075 when we discover plants have feelings. legitimately can't tell how fringe this is but i think it has internal logic at the very least. they need to invent an as-seen-on-tv countertop machine that easily spears lobsters in the head japanese style. sorry i forgot where i was going with this

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haveyouseenthisskeleton · 1 year ago

Note

Undertale cast react to their S/O getting struck by lightning… and just walking it off.

(Bonus points if the lightning is completely out of the blue and/or hits them multiple times in succession)

Undertale Sans - He runs to you, in shock, but you're actually more than fine? What? You can see his scientific mind working at 300% right now to try to explain what he just witnessed. Because he's pretty sure you should have at least burned alive. How are you fine??? No, but please, tell him! He won't stop asking you until you give him an answer.

Undertale Papyrus - He gasps loudly, then calms down when he sees you're actually perfectly fine. ??????? He's pretty sure that's not how it works but he doesn't know everything so maybe that's just perfectly normal? Perhaps it explodes only big trees like the one in his garden but not humans? He's a bit confused, but glad you're fine.

Undertale Toriel - Her soul leaves her body honestly. She runs to you, screaming to not move, and immediately starts to heal you, even though you're perfectly fine, and tries to tell her. Except she doesn't believe you. You put your ass on the floor and you stop moving this instant. You're not moving before she allows you to!

Undertale Asgore - Uh. That's all that escapes from his throat. He got a little spooked by that and swears he saw you get hit by lightning at least three times. But surely, he was hallucinating because it would mean you being very dead, and obviously you're not. Maybe he should see someone to talk about this. He's an old man, who knows if he's not seeing things.

Undertale Undyne - That was AWESOME. Do it again! She's cheering you! She wants you to get hit by lightning again! Do her next! She wants to be struck by lightning too!

Undertale Alphys - She got a soul attack, both because of the noise and you just getting struck in the face by lightning. She's a bit in shock when she sees you walking out of this somehow still alive and not cut in half. Uh. She should have recorded that. Maybe Sans knows why you're alive? She so needs to gossip with him right now. She wants to nerd for hours about this.

Undertale Frisk - That was awesome and super cool! They got struck by lightning once and they almost died right in front of Toriel, how can you even survive that? They want to know! Share your cool secrets, definitely, not so they can do it again!

Undertale Chara - They look up their phone to make sure you're still alive, and since you seem find, they walk over your body and continue with their day. They're not impressed.

Undertale Mettaton - He is impressed, even though it's probably his fault you got struck with lightning honestly. Maybe going out during a storm when you're full metal was not his brightest idea. He takes two steps and the lightning struck him too lol. That's going to be a long walk back home...

Undertale Gaster - It hurts, right? He understands. The last time he got electrocuted, his whole body literally flew into the lava of the CORE. He can understand your pain. Even though lava hurts more if he has to make a classification. Uh. That's not the info you wanted to learn today.

Undertale Grillby - He ran to you to help but he got badly spooked and, uh, his flames are really burning right now. Good news is, you don't get burned by lightning! Bad news is you get burned anyway by Grillby lol. He won't stop apologizing to you for the next three centuries he thinks.

Undertale Muffet - Well, you were used as a spider car for a lot of her baby spiders, and let just say she's not too happy about the thousands of little spiders that got killed first with the lightning and then with you falling on your back, crushing hundreds more under your weight. She's counting the casualties, looking pissed off. I hope you have money. Because the workforce is expensive. You wish you weren't fine after all.

Undertale Burgerpants - He got so scared he puffed up. His fur is all dishevelled and all his claws are out. Please don't do that again. You almost gave him a soul attack for Asgore's sake. Now everyone will mock him all day long because he looks like a spiky pillow. He's mad at you, even though he's glad you're fine. But still!

Undertale Flowey - Well. Unlike you, Flowey is really not ok right now. He was in your arms when he got struck by lightning and let just say he felt this a lot more than you did. He's lucky he doesn't have a soul because he swears it would have dusted again. Flowey is mad at you and refuses to talk to you for an entire month after this, mainly because he lost all of his petals in the battle and had to go in cure with Asgore for two months to grew them back. He hates you, never talk to him again.

Undertale Gerson - He shrugs and gently pats your shoulder. "Better you than me, kid. Better luck next time. Ya won't have my life insurance so soon." You're confused but walk away. Wait, does Gerson even have life insurance? You're curious now!

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th3-new-rom4ntics · 1 month ago

Text

-ˋˏ ༻❁✿❀༺ ˎˊ- val's jjba x jjk dr -ˋˏ ༻❁✿❀༺ ˎˊ-

about me

19th of june, 1999.

dear diary, let's start from the start. my name is MARIYA MATSUBARA. born MARIYA ZEN'IN. yes, i'm the one that wrote 'my wandering warrior existence', 'the vegetarian' and 'the house of the sleeping beauties' my mother was HIRA ABBAS, a foreign student who came to study buddhism. however, before she could even start on her thesis, it was too late; she caught the eye of my father MUSASHI and was forced into a marriage she didn't want or desire. despite this, she loved the only child born from this arrangement; despite her daughter being sickly, frail and withdrawn. so that's how i grew up. alone, in a corridor of the zen'in estate, basically by myself. the only reason i wasn't completely thrown out? my immense cursed energy, a product of heavenly restriction-- the complete opposite of my half-brother TOJI, who was also my only friend. me and my mother stayed in that awful place up until i was ten, when my father died and toji left home. with nowhere to go, my mother left the estate with naobito's permission. we lived in sapporo, where she worked as a waitress, receptionist and janitor to pay the bills. i grew up pretty ordinary after that. toji popped in occassionally-- whether it was to extort yen from my mother or to check up with me, i don't know. either way, it was a normal adolescence. i went to school. got decent grades. got involved in a couple of clubs. won some writing competitions. made some friends. the highlight of my high school years was when i did two months of exchange in england, expenses paid by a scholarship, my mother and a part time job at a bakery after high school, i didn't really have direction. university wasn't an option because i needed to help my mum through her COPD diagnosis. so i continued my job at the bakery and picked up another one at a book shop, where i got to indulge in my true passion; writing. it was at that book shop where i met ROHAN KISHIBE, my current partner. i was a huge fan of his manga 'pink dark boy' and recognised him, though i kept my fangirling to myself. i showed him my favourite books before i accidentally let it slip that i was a writer myself. so it began; i'd meet up with rohan, where he'd sketch me, ask about my life and read my stories. he encouraged me to get them published-- so i did. and success came! my first essay, 'my wandering warrior existence,' was far more successful than i could've ever anticipated. i could pay mum's bills, buy myself nice clothes and quit my jobs. i also moved in with rohan, because somewhere along the way we fell in love.

here i am now. successful, happy and stable.

that is, until my brother decided to abadon his kids with me.

great, just great. i guess this perfect life of mine is going to fall apart. either way, you're here for the ride! love,

mariya

report #1 - special-grade cursed object mariya zen'in

Classification: Special Grade Object Name: Mariya Zen’in

MARIYA ZEN'IN is classified as a living cursed object. It was initially believed it to be a non-sorcerer with latent cursed energy due to its lineage within the ZEN'IN clan. It is in fact product of HEAVENLY RESTRICTION. Instead of lacking cursed energy like its biological half-brother TOJI FUSHIGURO, it possesses immense cursed energy.

Though a non-combatant, the subject's cursed energy manifested fully in early adulthood, with its cursed technique SAMSARA solidifying it as an existential threat.

Function: Samsara allows the user to impose a rewritten version of reality upon individuals or localized phenomena. The user declares a modified causal outcome (e.g., “I already dodged that,” or “You were never born”), and the universe complies retroactively, erasing the original sequence of events to reflect the new “truth" temporarily during the duration of the technique.

This technique bypasses nearly all conventional cursed energy defenses, barriers, and even Domain Expansion effects, as it rewrites the context in which those abilities occur.

recommended containment protocol:

Do not engage the cursed object

Under no circumstances should it be provoked emotionally.

Do not survey the target.

Should it activate in a combative context, all non-special grade personnel are to immediately evacuate the vicinity.

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teapartyprincess4two · 1 year ago

Text

I. Inheritance

classification: sad, angst

warnings: death of parent

PREV, NEXT

—

The ceremonial jewels of the king’s crown glisten under the soft candlelight of Nick’s room. A heavy robe rests on his shoulders, adding to the growing pressure he already feels.

Nick’s nervous, anyone in his position would be.

A soft knock echoes through the room, the sound being followed by clacking heels against the marble floor. “Sir Nicolas, are you ready?” Johannes asks.

Nick gulps, of course he isn’t ready, he’s about to sign his life away to rule a kingdom he isn’t sure he’s ready to inherit. Johannes is met with silence.

“Everyone is waiting for you, Sir.”

‘Everyone,’ the word sends shivers down Nick’s spine.

Nick finally musters up enough courage to respond, “Give me a moment alone. I’ll be right down.”

Despite the annoyance that bubbles up inside of him, Johannes hums in response, elegantly leaving the room. As soon as the door clicks closed, Nick stares at his reflection. The longer he examines himself, the more he realizes how unfit, how unready, he is to become king.

“I can’t do this,” he says, choking on the words as he gasps for air. Nick’s fingers hook around the robe that’s buttoned around his neck, removing it in one swift motion before throwing it on the floor. He’s not sure what he’s doing, but he knows that he can’t sit in this room any longer.

Johannes hears shuffling come from inside the room, becoming more suspicious and impatient with every passing second. “Sir Nicolas! We truly cannot wait any longer!” Johannes’ voice booms, a closed fist slamming against the aged wood of Nick’s bedroom door.

No response, in fact, the shuffling has stopped altogether.

Normally Johannes would never be this bold, but an entire church of citizens, ministers, priests, and even other royalty are waiting for Nick. So, he knocks one last time before opening the large wooden door abruptly. He’s fully expecting to find Nick in the same position from before, sitting in front of his large vanity with a pained expression on his face. But instead, he’s met with an empty room and the sound of sheer curtains flapping with the cold breeze that enters through the open window.

The room is desolate, but Johannes gives Nick the benefit of the doubt. Surely he’d never be negligent enough to abandon his royal responsibility, right?

“Sir Nicolas?” He throws the billowy comforter off the bed. It’s barren, only revealing a sunken mattress and wrinkly sheets. ‘That’s fine,’ he thinks, maybe Nick is elsewhere in the room.

“Nicolas?” Johannes crouches near the bed, pressing his face to the cold floor to inspect underneath. A dark void stares back at him. Now he’s beginning to get anxious, his quickening heartbeat a clear sign of the stress Nick was putting him through.

Still, he gives Nick the benefit of the doubt, muttering, “Surely he’s in here somewhere.”Johannes scavenges the large wardrobe, expecting to find Nick isolated in a corner, but instead finds elegant suits and shoes so shiny they reflect even in the darkness.

“Nicolas, this is no longer humorous,” Johannes’ voice is stern, almost like he’s scolding a small child. He continues searching the room relentlessly, eventually entering the adjourned restroom. A large, white tub sits in the middle and Johannes takes a quick moment to say a prayer. He prays that when he peers into the tub Nick will be laying in there, in need of nothing but a pep talk to up his spirits.

But as he creeps inside, all he sees is a dripping faucet and a bar of soap. “Sir Nicolas! The coronation is set to begin soon!” Johannes shouts, busting through the restroom door back into the main bedroom.

He does one last sweep of the room in hopes of somehow, someway, discovering an unexplored area. But as he nears the window, he finally sees it, a long make-shift rope made up of fitted sheets and expensive scarves. The rope hangs on the edge of the balcony, swinging back and forth with the cold, howling wind. Muddy footprints run across the courtyard, marking a clear trail into the foggy forest.

“Oh no,” Johannes gulps, all the color leaving his face. What were they without a king?

–

A church full of people awaits the future king's arrival, and although they should also be occupying a pew, Chris and Matt sit in the lounging room near the fireplace. The flames flicker, casting orange shadows on the pair as they recount stories.

“That armor looks good on you,” Matt jokes, delivering a playful punch to Chris’ broad shoulder. It had been a long time since they’d seen each other and Chris was only granted a temporary leave from the king’s guard for Nick’s coronation.

Chris is much burlier than he was when he left, long hair cascading past his chiseled jawline. He’d been through a grueling amount of training and it showed on his chiseled physique.

“Yeah, but not as good as that council cloak is going to look on you though,” Chris jokes in return, slapping his brother’s back with a strong hand. Matt offers him a sarcastic smile, the slap causing him to jolt forward slightly.

The slap twists the collar of Matt’s suit, nimble fingers quickly adjusting it. He felt so overdressed compared to his brother, but he knew Nick’s outfit would take the cake.

Moments like this were becoming scarce nowadays, especially after the passing of their father. The extenuating circumstance is the only reason Nick is even being crowned in the first place, he was nowhere near ready to become king.

“Nick’s going to look absolutely ridiculous in that crown,” Chris chuckles, glancing towards the stairs in hopes that the footsteps he hears are Nick’s. It’s been years since he’s seen anyone outside of the king’s guard and he wants nothing more than to engulf his two brothers in a strong group hug.

To his dismay, it isn’t Nick who descends the staircase, but Johannes. Nonetheless, he greets the old man with excitement. “Johannes! Long time no see, how’ve you been?” Chris shoots up from his seat, his metal armor clanging against each other as he goes in for a hug. His strong arms wrap around the man, only Johannes doesn’t hug back; his arms remain stiff and rigid at his sides, sweat visible on his forehead.

Matt notices the anxious body language immediately, “Johannes? Is everything okay? Where’s Nick?”

Johannes stares straight ahead, afraid to crack under the pressure that comes with making eye contact. He clears his throat, attempting to compose himself as he replies, “Sir Nicolas is–”

A nervous cough interrupts him mid-sentence, forcing him to start again, “Sir Nicolas is gone.”

Chris and Matt share a look, their faces painted with confusion and doubt. “Is he at the church already?” Matt inquires, peering up the stairs as if it would make Nick magically appear. But for some odd reason, he can already tell that this is more serious than Johannes is letting on.

Johannes shakes his head, too nervous and afraid to form coherent words. “Well, is he at least on the way there? The guests have waited long enough,” Matt continues, becoming visibly anxious. The guests have been waiting for over 3 hours, an hour longer and they were sure to revolt.

Once again, Johannes shakes his head, running his clammy hands down his sweaty face. This time Chris speaks, “So then where is he?!”

If being in the king’s guard taught Chris anything, it was how to scare someone and it seemed to be working because Johannes cowers away in fear, a small yelp escaping him as Chris’s commanding presence towers over him. Matt’s eyes blow open in shock, wiggling his way between the two to break the tension. Chris scoffs and rolls his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest.

Matt’s tone is much softer, slowly easing the information out of the scared man in front of him. “Johannes, where is Nick?”

The man clenches his eyes, shaking his head profusely. He lost the future king and is so unbelievably afraid to admit it out loud.

“Tell us where Nick is or so help me God!” Chris shouts, inching towards the terrified man in front of him.

When Johannes hears this, his words come out a mile a minute, “ I don’t know, Sir. One second he was in his bedroom and the next he was gone. I looked everywhere, I swear I did. You can check for yourselves, but Sir Nicolas is gone.”

“Wait, repeat the last part,” Matt instructs, finding it hard to believe that Nick would just up and leave. Johannes looks like he’s on the brink of tears.

“Sir Nicolas is gone,” Johannes repeats, his voice cracking slightly.

Chris is angry at Johannes, but mostly at Nick. His hands are running down his face as he scolds the older man for losing his brother, screaming something along the lines of “How do you lose the king?!” Each word he shouts emphasizes the importance of the day and the stupidity of Johannes’ mistake.

Matt slumps back into his seat in disbelief, he knew Nick wasn’t ready to become king, but he never realized it would lead him to make a decision as irrational, as dumb, as this. A stressed hand pushes his hair back only for it to flop back onto his forehead.

“So what are we meant to do now? Huh?!” Chris’ loud voice asks, the sound echoing through the walls of the room. It seems that the louder he gets, the brighter the roaring flames becomes. Chris holds Johannes by the collar, waiting for a response worthy enough to prevent him from becoming violent.

“Answer me!” Chris shouts, pulling the man up higher. Johannes whimpers, turning his face away from Chris’ piercing, fiery glare.

“If Sir Nicolas fails to return within three days, his coronation process will be nulled and the responsibility will fall on the next of kin,” Johannes’ voice is so high-pitched from fear and the information is so foreign to Chris that it might as well be another language.

“Stop using big words! What does that mean?!” Chris exclaims in frustration, his grip loosening on Johannes’ collar enough for him to fall to the floor. The many scurries away, opening his mouth to respond, but he’s quickly interrupted by Matt’s figure slowly standing from his seat.

Matt’s not dumb, he made the realization as soon as Johannes went on his nervous ramble. He knows that if Nick doesn’t return as soon as the third day comes to an end, the responsibility of this kingdom will be handed to him whether he likes it or not. So, for the past couple of minutes his mind has been racing. How could one small moment determine something as significant as his future?

“What does that mean, Johannes?!” Chris exclaims again, the question painfully bouncing around in Matt’s mind. What did it mean?

“It means that I would become king,” Matt says, jaw clenched. He’s upset beyond belief — Who wouldn’t be?— but somehow he can’t find it in himself to hate Nick for this. Matt knows that, if presented with the same situation, he’d do the same; he’d grab all his things and run, never daring to look back.

Yet, he finds himself in the same position and instead of being granted the freedom to run, he’s backed into a corner with no escape.

“Oh fuck,” Chris whispers, the gravity of the situation finally settling.

This was the inheritance Matt never asked for, but what were they without a king?

—

The air outside is hot and stuffy; it always is in Solara. It’s ironic how a feeling as comforting as warmth can feel so suffocating. The tears that stream down your face are the only thing cooling you down, but they also blur your vision as you watch knights lower your mother’s casket six feet under.

You knew this day was coming, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. The worst part, though? You couldn’t even allow yourself to fully grieve because there were so many wandering, judgmental eyes. Everyone here who didn’t know your mother personally viewed her death as a transaction; as a the loss of one queen, but the gain of another.

A singular sob, or even a strained whimper, would send these vultures into a hungry frenzy. They’d eat you alive if they could, but they’re waiting to catch you in a moment of vulnerability before they feast. So as the tears flow, your face holds a stoic expression.

Your younger sister Selma, the only other person you can still call family, sits to your left. Loud cries rack her small figure as her delicate hand lays on yours. Maybe if you were her you’d do the same, but you’re not and you never will be.

You wish you didn’t have to, but you pull your hand away urgently because the longer it stays there, the quicker your resolve is bound to break.

Martina, your handmaid, sits to your right with a handkerchief pressed against her face. She switches between sniffles and sobs, murmuring something along the lines of, “Oh what a tragedy.”

“Princess— Your highness, any last words to share about your mother?” the priest asks. He doesn’t even know what to call you, and the slight slip up makes your teeth grit. You keep your composure though, elegantly standing from your seat and preparing to summarize your mother’s life in a few words that everyone was sure to forget.

A part of you knows that no one here cared enough about your mother to listen to a heartfelt speech, and her passing was so devastating that you couldn’t bring yourself to prepare a eulogy, so you keep it short and simple.

“The Queen, my mother…” your voice falters. There’s a small pause as you gather yourself before the emotion can consume you.

“My mother was a fearless, relentless leader. She lead the people of Solara to greatness for decades and as her eldest daughter, as the heir to the throne, I hope to uphold her legacy.” A distasteful applause follows, the people watching grossly unaware of the sad twinge behind every word.

“All hail the Queen!” one shouts. The rest follow, breaking into a unified chant. The new title feels like a slap to the face but you don’t say anything, you can’t say anything.

After all, what were they without a Queen?

—

Three grueling days have passed since your mother’s funeral and the first summer rain is showering the ground. Your black dress soaks the rainwater completely, weighing the material enough to force you to collapse onto the muddy ground. Your mother’s tombstone stares back at you, urging you to be strong, to get up and be the Queen you’re meant to become. But you can’t do it, not yet at least.

Her name is chiseled in the marble, each letter reminding you of the great woman she was and the legacy she left behind; a legacy that you’re not sure you’ll be able to live up to.

Now that you’re finally alone, it’s easy to finally let loose and cry. A mixture of emotions is swirling inside of you, and in this moment you wish your mother would resurrect and engulf you in a hug.

“I can’t do this without you,” you whisper, fat tears flowing freely. Of course you couldn’t do this without her, you had no clue what it was like to rule an entire nation. And to top it off, you were now made responsible for your sister as well.

“Isn’t it ironic how I can’t do this without you, yet I wouldn’t have to if I still had you?”

It’s the cruel reality of your life, a reality you’d never be able to escape no matter how you flipped it.

A loud clap of thunder resonates through the kingdom, the bass of the sound vibrating in your chest. “Please… come back,” you whisper, resting your head on her tombstone like it would change the fact that she’s gone.

For a while all you hear is the pouring rain and your own cries. You’re wallowing in grief, the mourning color of your dress become darker the more water it absorbs. The faint sound of sloshing mud brings your attention towards the far end of the cemetery.

“Sister?” Selma calls out, her voice is drowned out by the thunder, but you still manage to hear her. She uses her hands to pick up the front of her dress, but the long train drags on the cakey ground. Martina walks beside her, quick steps attempting to keep up with Selma’s long strides. Martina holds a black umbrella, an extended arm casting it more over your sister than herself.

“Princess?” Martina speaks this time. Her voice sounds heartbroken, almost like she can feel everything you do.

They stop in front of you, feet sinking into the plush ground. Your disheveled appearance paints sad smiles on their faces. Selma kneels next to you, completely abandoning the security of the umbrella and bringing you in for a strong embrace.

As soon as her arms wrap around you, you’re burying your head in the crook of her neck. Loud sobs, strained breathing, and a string of hiccups is what you’re reduced to as you hold onto your sister like your life depends on it.

“Shhh, it’s going to be okay,” Selma murmurs, putting on a strong front as she delicately caresses the back of your head. You need her and she knows it, but all she wants to do is join you in crying.

“It isn’t fair,” you hiccup, finally pulling away. The rain gets stronger, camouflaging your tears. “I know, sister. I know, and it’s never going to be fair. But you need to be strong, okay? For Solara… for mother.”

Selma holds a firm grip on your face, forcing your glossy eyes to lock with hers. You take a deep breath, nodding your head as you try pulling yourself together. “Now come on, everyone is waiting,” Selma whisper, planting a gentle kiss on your forehead before standing up.

She extends her arms for you, serving as your support as you stand up as well. Your dress is soaked and muddy, your face is red and swollen, and your hair is so drenched that it’s stuck to your face. Martina watches with a sad smile, taking in the bittersweet sight in front of her.

“I look pathetic.”

The three of you have begun the walk back to the castle and for the first time in your life you’re grateful for the mud, it makes the already long walk that much longer.

“You look beautiful, Sister. You’re the most beautiful Queen I’ve ever seen,” Selma says, whispering the last part. You appreciate her motivating words because without her you’d surely be lost.

“Selma, look at me,” you gesture towards your dress. She glances down, a tiny giggle escaping at the sight, “Okay maybe you do look a little crazy.”

“Yes, I’m the craziest Queen you’ve ever seen,” you reply with a dry chuckle, grateful for the mood shift.

“Oh that’s nothing a good bath won’t fix, Ma’am. Then you’ll be the cleanest Queen we’ve ever seen,” Martina chimes in, earning another giggle from Selma. You smile too, realizing that you’re at least not alone in all this; that your sister’s dress is as dirty as yours and Martina’s as drenched as ever.

But one thing remained true; you could be the prettiest, craziest, or even the cleanest, but you’re still the Queen regardless of the rest, and that was the inheritance you never asked for.

—

MASTERLIST, SERIES MASTERLIST

a/n: whoopeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee 💃🏻 we just getting started & I would love feedback babies 🌹

- L.A.MB👼🏻💗

—

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note: if you want to be tagged in my fanfic related posts, you can access my TAGLIST and comment 💐 if your user is striked through, I wasn’t able to tag you :(

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kaurwreck · 9 months ago

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karl the raccoon is not a reference to karl marx in either the raven (2012) or bungou stray dogs. he's likely named after carl linnaeus (1707–1778), the father of modern biological taxonomy.

linnaeus had a beloved raccoon named sjupp, a gift from the crown prince of sweden. sjupp loved eggs, almonds, raisins, sugared cakes, sugar, and fruit of every kind. sjupp could not bear anything with vinegar on it, or sauerkraut, or raw or boiled fish. he was friendly and playful, especially to those who ingratiated themselves by means of a few raisins; but, when scorned, prone to irreconcilable hatred.

we know these things about sjupp because upon sjupp's untimely mauling by a dog, linnaeus, man of science that he was, dissected the little rascal, and wrote an immensely fond anatomical study.

linnaeus's watercolor of sjupp, btw. if you even care.

[all of the above comes from here, and The Compleat Naturalist: A Life of Linnaeus by Wilfrid Jasper Walter]

linnaeus's connection to america's own beloved raccoon—the architect of detective fiction and gothic luminary edgar allan poe (1809-1849)—relates to poe's only bestseller as a living author: The Conchologist’s First Book: A System of Testaceous Malacology.

the first edition was already written by the schoolteacher thomas wyatt. wyatt had built upon the work of other naturalists (including linnaeus) to create a comprehensive overview of known shell classifications so that he could fall into the trap of academic publishing. his tomb on mollusks was too expensive and too large for his audience, but he couldn't adapt it into a more practical volume without incurring his publisher's ire.

meanwhile, poe; his teenage cousin wife, virginia; virginia's pet fawn; and his aunt mother-in-law, maria, were suffering for want of food. so, when the two men were introduced, poe was eager to freelance for wyatt by revising the shell book and republishing its abridged version under his own name. unlike most of poe's works, this one was a great success: it sold out in two months and was reprinted twice in six years.

(Color plate from the second edition of Edgar Allan Poe, The Conchologist’s First Book: A System of Testaceous Malacology)

his contributions, as it turned out, weren't shallow: poe's revisions to the text were breakthrough in their era. at the time, shelled creatures were organized typically by only their shells; the little beasties within the shells were largely ignored, including by wyatt. but poe didn't only slim down the text he was given; he reorganized its shell-centered pages to focus instead on the internal anatomy of the animals inside the shell. poe, who was fluent in french, also translated descriptions of the animals provided by preeminent naturalist georges cuvier to include alongside the descriptions of their shells. in other words, he helped to develop the field of mollusk studies.

to quote malacologist matthias glaubrecht notes, poe “was among the first to recognize and comment that a reliable classification of mollusks requires a combined analysis, which meant in his times reconciling a system based on hard shells . . . with evidence from soft body anatomy."

of course, because poe couldn't catch a break, it later became evident that wyatt plagiarized much of the text, the sin of which fell onto poe publicly. nevertheless, poe's sincere fascination with natural science and his inability to escape ridiculous situations left a legacy of camp gothic horror, science fiction, and, somewhat absurdly, taxonomy.

[a much better recounting of and retrospective on poe, mollusk scientist, can be found here.]

so, yeah, that's why edgar allen poe is paired with raccoon carl linnaeus in bsd (and likely the raven (2012)). though they might be an odd couple, they do share a common classification.

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd poe #bsd karl #carl linnaeus #edgar allen poe #there's so much more to say about this choice but ive already started to ramble #(this is also why ranpo and karl get along so well — they are similarly motivated)#anyway. i know everyone thinks it's karl marx. but why. there's a raccoon man right there already in poe's legacy.

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tadc-harlequin-au · 1 year ago

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I noticed that we have six types of robots/puppets. But considering the fact that Bubble is a drone and Caine is a who knows what, I can tell there might be more than just six.

There definitely is more than six.

Those six classifications are just the default and most well-known ones, if there's a Puppet that has a job not capable of being handled by any of the current classifications (and isn't too resource-expensive like a Harlequin, sheesh), companies would commission a Puppetmaker to make a new classification specifically for that job, and mass-produce it.

That's why I said the classifications are FREE GAME; because there's a LOT of custom-made Puppets, or special made ones. Obviously, in typical human nature, if you could automate manual labor... why wouldn't you?

#thanks for the ask!#tadc #tadc au #harlequin au #tadc harlequin au #the amazing digital circus

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vcreatures · 2 years ago

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The term fairy covers a large swath of beings and in some cases clear delineation between species and their classifications hold only ephemeral standing. Imps are a prime example of this. While classified under fairies, the Imp has also been labeled as a lesser demon.

The Imp comes in a vast array of shapes and sizes. Two of the species catalogued here is the Corpse Imp and the Owl Bellied Imp. Primarily an earth or fire elemental you will commonly find them dwelling deep within cave systems.

Much like the pixie, Imps are known for their mischievous nature verging on malicious in some cases. With that, it is not uncommon to find them as the familiar for darker forces. Should a being win favor of an imp, they will server their master dutifully, even at it’s own expense in some cases.

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covid-safer-hotties · 8 months ago

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Also preserved on our archive (Daily news updates! Many can't/don't make it to Tumblr! Check it out!)

Just wanted to add a quick note: The author states that vaccination helps to prevent long covid. This is a bit of an overstatement: There is a correlation with vaccination and a small reduction in long covid diagnosis (about 30% in one study, less in others). This is a real sticking point for me, because recent studies have also shown that 1. by their own admission in surveys, doctors don't know how to diagnose long covid 2. long covid diagnosis is expensive 3. you can have long covid without a diagnosis 4. there still isn't a standard terminology or diagnostic criteria for long covid, and this has caused issue among general practitioners especially. Vaccination is best at keeping you from developing life-threatening symptoms if/when you get covid. The only way to truly prevent long covid is to not contract covid, especially if you've already been infected. Mask up. Clean the air. Avoid risky behaviors. That's real long covid prevention.

By Pandora Dewan

While nationwide COVID-19 cases have dwindled in recent weeks, wastewater detections of the virus still remain "very high" in certain states.

Newsweek have revealed this variability in a map based on data from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

As of October 5, the overall viral activity level in wastewater across the country has been demoted from "moderate" to "low," although "very high" levels are still being detected in two states. A further 14 states have "high" wastewater detection levels, with seven detecting "moderate" levels and 15 classified as "low."

Eight states, including D.C., are now reporting "minimal" detection levels, the lowest classification in the CDC's system.

After a surge in COVID cases this summer, infection rates seem to be on the decline. As of October 5, positive results account for only 7.7 percent of all tests (excluding at-home testing) in the U.S., down 0.8 percent from the previous week. However, coronavirus levels do remain high in certain states, especially in the Northwest.

The map below shows which states have seen the highest detections in wastewater. (Follow the link to see the interactive map!)

Viral levels in wastewater are a helpful indicator of disease prevalence within a population.

Recent spikes in COVID cases have been largely driven by a new class of subvariants nicknamed FLiRT after the position of the mutations on the virus' spike proteins, the projections that allow them to enter our cells.

These proteins are also used as targets by immune systems and vaccinations, so changes in their structure can allow the virus to bypass the body's defenses more easily. However, existing vaccines are likely to provide at least some form of protection against more severe symptoms and long COVID.

As of October 12, the now dominant subvariant, KP.3.1.1, accounted for more than 57 percent of all U.S. COVID-19 cases over the previous two weeks, according to the CDC, with the FLiRT variants accounting for more than two thirds of cases in total.

However, while the U.S.saw a steady rise in infections over the summer, hospitalizations and deaths have remained relatively low. It appears that the new FLiRT variants, while more infectious, do not generally cause such severe symptoms.

The symptoms include the following, according to the CDC:

Fever or chills Cough Shortness of breath Fatigue Muscle or body aches Headache Loss of taste or smell Sore throat Runny nose Nausea or vomiting Diarrhea More vulnerable individuals may still be at risk of severe illness, so it is important to self-isolate if you receive a positive COVID test.

#usa news #mask up #covid #pandemic #wear a mask #public health #covid 19 #wear a respirator #still coviding #coronavirus #sars cov 2

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justinspoliticalcorner · 1 year ago

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Craig Harrington at MMFA:

The economic policy provisions outlined by Project 2025 — the extreme right-wing agenda for the next Republican administration — are overwhelmingly catered toward benefiting wealthier Americans and corporate interests at the expense of average workers and taxpayers. Project 2025 prioritizes redoubling Republican efforts to expand “trickle-down” tax cuts for the wealthy and deregulation across the economy. The authors of the effort’s policy book, Mandate for Leadership: A Conservative Promise, recommend putting key government agencies responsible for oversight of large sectors of the economy under direct right-wing political control and empowering those agencies to prioritize right-wing agendas in dealing with everything from consumer protections to organized labor activity. [...]

Project 2025 would chill labor unions' abilities to engage in political activity. Project 2025 suggests that the National Labor Relations Board change its enforcement priorities regarding what it describes as unions using “members' resources on left-wing culture-war issues.” The authors encourage allowing employees to accuse union leadership of violating their “duty of fair representation” by having “political conflicts of interest” if the union engages in political activity that the employee disagrees with. [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023; National Labor Relations Board, accessed 7/8/24]

Project 2025 would make it easier for employers to classify workers as “independent contractors.” The authors recommended reinstating policies governing the classification of independent contractors that the NLRB implemented during the Trump administration. Those Trump-era NLRB regulations were amended in 2023, expanding workplace and labor organizing protections to previously exempt American workers. [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023; The National Law Review, 6/19/23; National Labor Relations Board, 6/13/23]

Project 2025 would reduce base overtime pay for workers. The authors recommend changing overtime protections to remove nonwage compensatory and other workplace benefits from calculations of their “regular” pay rate, which forms the basis for overtime formulations. If that change is enacted, every worker currently given overtime protections could be subject to a slight reduction in the value of their overtime pay, which the authors claim will encourage employers to provide nonwage benefits but would effectively just amount to a pay cut. The authors also propose other changes to the way overtime is calculated and enforced, which could result in reduced compensation for workers. Overtime protections have long been a focus of right-wing media campaigns to reduce protections afforded to American workers. [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023, Media Matters, 7/9/24]

Project 2025 proposes capping and phasing out visa programs for migrant workers. Project 2025’s authors propose capping and eventually eliminating the H-2A and H-2B temporary work visa programs, which are available for seasonal agricultural and nonagricultural workers, respectively. Even the Project 2025 authors admit that these proposals could threaten many businesses that rely on migrant workers and could result in higher prices for consumers. [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023]

Project 2025 recommends institutionalizing the “Judeo-Christian tradition” of the Sabbath. Under the guise of creating a “communal day of rest,” Project 2025 includes a policy proposal amending the Fair Labor Standards Act to require paying workers who currently receive overtime protections “time and a half for hours worked on the Sabbath,” which it said “would default to Sunday.” Ostensibly a policy that increases wages, the proposal is specifically meant to disincentivize employers from providing services on Sundays as an explicitly religious overture. [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023]

[...]

International Trade

Project 2025 contains a lengthy debate between diametrically opposed perspectives on international trade and commerce.Over the course of 31 pages, disgraced former Trump adviser and current federal inmate Peter Navarro outlines various proposals to fundamentally transform American international commercial and domestic industrial policy in opposition to China, primarily by using tariffs. He dedicates well over a dozen pages to obsessing over America’s trade deficit with China, even though Trump’s trade war with China was a failure and as he focused on China, the overall U.S. trade deficit exploded. Much of the rest of Navarro’s section is economic saber-rattling against “Communist China’s economic aggression and quest for world domination.”In response, Kent Lassman of the conservative Competitive Enterprise Institute promotes a return to free trade orthodoxy that was previously pursued by the Republican Party but has fallen out of favor during the Trump era.

The Heritage Foundation’s Project 2025 agenda would be a boon for the wealthy and a disaster for the working class folk.