#FINALLY I CAN START ASKING QUESTIONS ABOUT IT TO PEOPLE ON HERE I'M FLYING BLIND

[mintytrifecta]

So fun fact!! I've been getting into leathercraft and jewelry making!! Here's some stuff I made >:3

[pickingupmymercedes]

Fly on my own - Lewis Hamilton

Sequence: Not just a pretty face / I need you to let me go / Fly on my own / Leap of faith (bonus)

pairing: Lewis Hamilton x Reader!

warnings: angst, but it's worth it

wordcount: +3K

song rec: Ordinary People - John Legend (sugested by @goldenroutledge )

a/n: This story broke me to write it, but the final chapter is finally here. Hope you guys like ❤️

As always, I'm open for feedback, come say hi!

______________________________________________________________

The ringing of his phone sliced through Lewis's concentration, startling him from his review of the upcoming season. His first at Ferrari.

He glanced at the caller ID, surprise following as he saw the name.

Y/n. Her name, a whisper on his lips, hanging heavy in the air.

He hesitated for a beat, the past months replaying in his mind like a cruel highlight reel.

The raw vulnerability in that garage, the unspoken promises left hanging, her sudden disappearance. Every unanswered message, every silent night, echoed with a question he hadn't dared to ask.

With a shaky breath, he pressed accept. "Hello?"

The voice on the other end was barely a whisper, shaky and choked with emotion. "Lewis... it's me. Are you in Monaco?" A beat of silence stretched, thick with unspoken questions, before a desperate plea escaped her lips. "Please tell me you are."

Lewis's heart hammered against his ribs. "Y/n?" His voice was a low rumble, laced with concern at her tone. "What's wrong?"

He could practically hear her take a shaky relieved breath on the other end. "Can we talk? Now?" she rushed her question, almost as if she was about to regret it.

The urgency in her voice startled him. He knew, with a chilling certainty, that whatever had brought her back wasn't good.

Without another word, he blurted "Yeah, tell me where you are."

There was a brief pause before she replied “I’m outside your house”

He slammed the phone down, his mind already racing. As he threw open the door, his breath caught in his throat.

There she stood, Y/n, a contrast to the composed, confident woman he used to know. Her normally vibrant eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, her flawless makeup smudged with tears.

But it was her white dress and the sight of her hand that stopped him cold.

A blinding diamond sparkled on her ring finger, the size of a small rock, impossible to miss. Symbols of a future that wasn't theirs, a life he hadn't been a part of.

For a moment, they stood there, a storm brewing in the silence between them. Y/n's gaze followed his and flicked towards the ring, pain crossing her face at the realization, then back to Lewis, her voice barely a choked sob as she took the ring off and threw it in her purse.

"Lewis" she started, her voice cracking, "I need to tell you something"

Lewis blinked, the sight of her vulnerability ripping through the carefully constructed walls around his heart. He stepped forward, concern overriding every doubt or anger he had "Y/n, what's wrong?"

He reached out, hesitating before gently ushering her inside. The moment they reached his living room and she turned to him she really saw her.

Her composure shattered entirely, fresh set of tears streaming down her face, her body wracked with silent sobs.

Lewis pulled her down on the sofa and knelt before her, his hand hovering over hers, his gaze filled with a mixture of concern and a yearning he couldn't quite explain. "Hey," he murmured, his voice rough. "Whatever it is, you're safe now."

But the words felt hollow even to him. Safe from what?

Lewis stood there, feeling the weight of the months they had spent apart, the words unsaid, the emotions left hanging. He had a million questions, but seeing her so broken tore at him, leaving him feeling helpless.

He waited patiently until she finally looked up, her eyes a reflection of the storm inside her. "I need to start from the beginning," she croaked, her voice raw with emotion. "I need you to understand why I'm here, Lewis. Why I ran in the first place."

Y/n squeezed her eyes shut, the white of Lewis's light apartment blurring with the memory of that night in the garage. The harsh overhead lights mirrored the coldness that had settled in her gut.

"I begged you to let me go" she whispered, the words tasting like ash in her mouth.

It hadn't been easy, admitting her fear. Her world, her future, had always been mapped out, a neatly paved road with clear expectations of the strong woman she had been raised to be.

But Lewis, with his intensity and the way he challenged everything she thought she knew, had been a wild detour, a thrilling adventure she wasn't sure she could handle.

The memory of his touch, the warmth of his embrace, his smell and his taste that night, make her head spin again. His voice echoed in her mind. "Y/n, are you sure? This isn't something you can take back."

But the fear, the sheer terror of letting go of who she was supposed to be, had been overwhelming. "I need time" she had choked out, her voice betraying her resolve.

He had cupped her face, his thumb brushing away a wayward tear. It was a simple gesture, yet it was enough for her to lose all control.

Their gazes locked, the unspoken tension crackling between them. She saw a depth of emotion in Lewis's eyes that she'd never witnessed before in anyone else, a vulnerability that mirrored her own.

And then, their lips met.

A spark that ignited a wildfire. The world around them seemed to fade away, the only reality the press of his lips against hers. An explosion of emotions, a heady cocktail of bravery until fear took over, and it all started to taste like what a forbidden passion does.

It had been a terrifying confirmation of what she'd been desperately trying to deny. The intensity, the way a single kiss had her ready to throw everything away, how it could send her thundering like a drum solo, was more than she was prepared for.

She pulled away abruptly, gasping for breath, the taste of him still lingering on her lips. Shame and fear warred within her. "I can't," she stammered, the words tumbling out in a rush.

Lewis's brow furrowed; confusion etched on his face. "Y/n?"

She couldn't look at him, the whole thing overwhelming. "I need to take you up on your offer," she choked out, referring to his suggestion of giving her time to think.

"But..." Lewis started, his voice almost a whisper, but she cut him off.

"No goodbyes, Lewis. Please," she pleaded; her voice thick with unshed tears she was trying to hold. "Just let me go."

And she fled. Slipped out of the garage into the cool night air, leaving Lewis behind with nothing but unanswered questions and the echo of a kiss.

"It was too much, Lewis," she whispered coming back to his living room and finding his gaze, the memory of that kiss still imprinted in both of their lips. "The way you made me feel... it scared me. Because I knew if I let myself dream about you I could never move on. I begged you to let me go because I couldn’t stand the thought of you waiting for me to figure out what this is.”

Her voice choked on a sob as the weight of her actions settled on her shoulders. For weeks, she'd convinced herself it had been the right decision, the safe one. But the emptiness that had followed her every step told a different story.

Lewis's hand tightened around hers, trying to ground her, to show her they were in the present now. "Y/n, I didn't want to scare you. I just wanted you to know you had a choice."

Her tears flowed freely now. "I took your offer, you know? To think things through. But every time I wanted to run back to you. And it scared the living days out of me. I ran because I was scared of how much you meant to me, of how much I felt for you."

She paused, her breath hitching as she fought for control. The raw vulnerability in her eyes cutting through him. "I got into self-defense mode. I’m sorry."

Lewis's heart ached with the memory of watching her walk away, the emptiness that followed her departure. He had tried to contact her, to understand, but her silence had been deafening.

"Y/n," he whispered, his voice hoarse with emotion. "You could have told me. We could have faced it together."

She shook her head, a bitter smile twisting her lips. "Except I couldn't. I was too scared, I wouldn’t let anyone in, not even you, specially not you."

The tension between them hung heavy in the air, a palpable reminder of the distance her fear had created.

"Y/n, why now?" he asked, his voice confused and hurt. "Why are you telling me this now, after all this time?"

Her eyes met his, filled with a mixture of desperation and hope. "Because I can't live with the what-ifs anymore. I can't keep pretending I'm okay with the life I chose. I need you to know what happened for me to end up here. Why I chose him, Why I ran from you”

He retracted his hand, his heart clenching at the vulnerability in her voice. "Alright," he said, forcing a calmness he didn't quite feel.

Y/n took a shaky breath, wiping a stray tear from her cheek. "I went back home, and a couple weeks later Francis showed up..." her voice trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.

Lewis nodded, his jaw clenched tight. He knew who she was talking about.

"He was everything I thought I needed," Y/n continued, her voice flat. "We understood each other, came from similar backgrounds. It was... comfortable."

She paused, her gaze searching his face. "There were no sparks, Lewis. No butterflies. There were no cliffs, no dizzying heights. Just solid ground."

Lewis felt a pang of jealousy twist his gut, but he pushed it down, focusing on her words. "But you chose him," he stated, his voice low.

Y/n winced at his tone but nodded, a tear rolling down her cheek. "Everyone was happy. Especially his parents. Except for my dad." A flicker of defiance sparked in her eyes.

"He didn't say much," she continued, "but the night we told him about the engagement, there was this… look in his eyes. Like a part of him wished I'd chosen differently."

A memory flashed in her mind, a memory of her father's gruff words, spoken in the quiet solitude of his study only for her to hear.

"You can have your perfect life, Y/n," he'd said, his voice surprisingly gentle. "But part of me... a selfish part, I suppose... would rather see you fall headfirst. Fall for something so passionate, so all-consuming that it scares the hell out of you. That's how I raised you, wasn’t it not, my darling?"

Y/n's eyes focused back on Lewis as she felt his hand on her knee, her voice breaking as she continued. "I was trying to do what was expected, to follow a path that seemed more predictable. We got engaged, and it almost a formality at that point, really. But The planning, the party, the guests. Every detail felt like I was building my own gilded cage."

Lewis watched her, his anger giving way to a painful understanding. "When did you realize it wasn't what you wanted?"

She looked down at her hands, her voice barely more than a whisper. "Right after putting on this dress this morning…for the engagement party.”

Lewis's eyes widened. "You ran away from your engagement party?"

Y/n's reflection in the mirror became a distorted image of a stranger. She ripped off the diamond necklace, its clatter against the marble vanity echoing the turmoil within. Tears streamed down her face, blurring the perfect picture of the perfect porcelain doll.

This wasn't her happily ever after. This polished, perfect persona wasn't who she was meant to be. It was a mask, hiding the yearning for something real, something raw, something that terrified her.

This was someone else's dream she was sleepwalking through.

With trembling legs, she reached her father's study, just on the other side of her room.

His voice, gruff yet familiar, filled the space as he took her in. "Y/n?"

"Dad," she choked out, her voice strangled "I can't… I can't do it."

A beat of silence stretched between them, then a sigh. "Sweetheart…"

Y/n poured everything out – the suffocating engagement, Francis's bland kindness, the yearning for something more, even if it meant falling. There were pauses, a choked sob on her end, but her father listened patiently.

When she finished, another sigh escaped him. "Remember what I told you? You can’t learn to fly until you take the leap, Y/n." he said finally, his voice surprisingly gentle.

"What do I do now, dad?" The tears evident in how her words came out in small puffs

"You fly, sweetheart. As far, and for as long as you need” his fingers trying to dry away the tears still falling.

"But what if Lewis’s not there to catch me?" The fear raw in her voice.

"Then you learn to fly on your own" her father said, his voice surprisingly firm.

The next hour was a whirlwind of activity. Her father pulled strings, booked a private jet, and cleared customs within an hour. As she stood on the airport, the roar of the engines a physical manifestation of her heartbeat, a pang of guilt stabbed at her.

She was leaving behind a future that was comfortable, secure, expected. Leaving her family, her friends, her entire life. Yet, the prospect of facing Lewis, of confessing her love and potentially being rejected, paled in comparison to the suffocating emptiness of the life she was running from.

She nodded, tears flowing freely. "I couldn't go through with it. I couldn't marry him when all I could think about was you." She said, her voice finally clear as if that was the only part of it all she was certain of.

"I flew here because I needed to see you," she continued. "To tell you everything, to take the leap I was too scared to take before. I needed you to understand why I did what I did, and to see if you could forgive me."

Lewis's breath caught in his throat. "So, this is your leap."

Her voice dropped to a bare whisper. "Am I crazy for doing this? Do I have to learn to fly on my own, Lewis?"

He reached out, his fingers brushing her cheek, wiping away the tears. "Y/n, I... I don't know what to say."

She leaned into his touch, her eyes closing briefly. "Just tell me how you feel. Tell me if there's still a chance for us."

The question hung in the air, a plea for him to catch her, to be the safety net she desperately needed.

Lewis stared at her, his eyes reflecting a storm of emotions – surprise, relief, a yearning so raw it scared him. He saw the vulnerability in her tear-streaked face, the fear battling with the fierce determination.

Slowly, deliberately, he reached out his other hand to cup her face, his touch gentle yet firm. His gaze held hers, searching her eyes for any sign of doubt, any hesitation.

"Y/n," he murmured, his voice husky and eyes glossy. "Are you sure? Because once I start..."

She didn't let him finish. She closed the distance between them, her lips meeting his in a kiss that was liberating. This wasn't the tentative touch of that night in the garage, fueled by fear and confusion. This was raw, a confession spoken in the language just the two of them could understand.

Lewis pulled her close, his arms wrapping around her like a lifeline. He held her tightly, as if afraid to let go, afraid that if he did, she might disappear again.

The kiss deepened, a tangle of emotions pouring forth – fear, relief, a desperate hope for a future they could build together.

As they finally broke apart, gasping for breath, Y/n leaned her forehead against his. Her heart hammered against her ribs, a frantic thumping echoing her turmoil within.

A wry smile tugged at Lewis's lips as he gazed at her, his thumb gently brushing away a stray tear clinging to her cheek. "So," he began, his voice a low rumble, "about taking things slow..."

Y/n let out a shaky chuckle, a single tear escaping and tracing a glistening path down her cheek "After all that, is 'slow' still an option?" she said, her voice barely a whisper.

The amusement in Lewis's eyes deepened. He knew she was right. This wasn't something they could afford to pace themselves for. This was a collision, their own little big bang that had finally found its release.

He leaned down again, his lips hovering a breath away from hers. "Then," he murmured, his voice husky with desire, "let's see where this freefall takes us."

The Tuscan sun dipped low in the sky, casting long shadows across the rolling vineyards surrounding Y/n’s family villa that overlooked the Mediterranean Sea.

Lewis sat on a weathered stone bench in the back garden, a glass of chilled prosecco sweating lightly in his hand. Laughter drifted in from the open kitchen window, where workers laughed around, the familiar scent of garlic and rosemary teasing his nose.

Across from him, Y/n's father leaned back in his chair, a satisfied sigh escaping his lips. "Another win, Lewis" he said, his voice tinged with a playful amusement Lewis had grown used to. "You're making quite a name for yourself at Ferrari, my boy."

Lewis chuckled, taking a sip of his drink. "We try, sir. It's a team effort, most of all."

He waved a dismissive hand. "Of course, of course. But a good driver can only make a good car go so far. It’s something to have someone like you on the family, a multiple times champion dressed in red."

Lewis caught the hint, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. Y/n's father, once a formidable figure of quiet disapproval, had become a surprising source of support, a man who saw not just the driver, but also the man who loved his daughter fiercely.

"What exactly do you mean, sir?" Lewis feigned innocence.

"Well," the elder drawled, leaning forward conspiratorially, "a little birdie told me you've been spending a lot of time at a famous Milan jeweler lately, someone known for custom rings."

Lewis's smile widened. Y/n’s father’s network of informants was legendary, but somehow, when it came to Y/n, it didn't seem so intrusive anymore." I haven't quite found the perfect design just yet, but soon." he admitted, a playful defiance in his voice.

A slow grin spread across his face. He knew Lewis was nervous, still a little hesitant around a man who could buy and sell him ten times over. But he also saw the way Lewis loved his Y/n with a fierceness that mirrored his own.

"You know," the elder began, his voice turning serious, "I never thought I'd see the day I'd approve of a man who spends most of his time speeding around corners at breakneck speeds."

Lewis chuckled, the tension easing from his shoulders. "I’d never thought you would either."

"You and Y/n. You two were quite the storm when you first started seeing each other. A whirlwind of clashing worlds and stubborn personalities." He agreed, taking a thoughtful sip of his drink.

Lewis couldn't help but grin at the memory. It had been a wild ride, there were fights, misunderstandings, and moments when he'd questioned his own ability to let her be just the woman he loved and make her happy.

"But you weathered the storm," her father continued, his voice filled with a quiet pride. "You learned to compromise, to see the world through each other's eyes. That's more than most couples can say."

Lewis looked at him, a wave of gratitude washing over him. "Thank you, sir. We both learned a lot."

The elder chuckled. "I thought I had showed her everything she needed to know. But you…you gave the security for her to fly and know she has someone to fall back to. I could never do that. She’s always been fearless, and something else entirely, but she’s never been so carefree."

"Are you sure you're ready for a lifetime with her? She can be quite a handful, you know." he continued, his gaze sharpening playfully.

Lewis met his gaze, his eyes radiating a quiet confidence. "She's the only handful I want, sir. I can't see my life in any other way."

Just then, the roar of an engine echoed through the air, growing louder as it approached. Lewis and her father exchanged a surprised glance. The roar cut off abruptly, replaced by the unmistakable rumble of a vintage engine. Lewis's lips curved into a knowing smile.

Around the corner of the villa sped a wine colored Mercedes-Benz 190SL, its chrome catching the last rays of the setting sun. The top was down, sunglasses perched on her head, and a wide grin plastered across Y/n's face as she expertly maneuvered the classic car into a controlled stop in front of them.

Her father burst into laughter. "Well, well, well," he boomed, his amusement evident. "Looks like someone brought a little competition for the driveway."

Y/n hopped out of the car, her laughter tinkling as she threw her arms around Lewis. "Surprise!" she exclaimed, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Just picked her" she gestured towards the car, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

Lewis raised an eyebrow, a playful smile tugging at his lips. "Wine red, huh? Quite the entrance, love."

Y/n smirked. "Just making sure you know who has the real classic taste around here."

The elder shook his head, equally amusement and exasperated. "You two and your competitive spirit. It never quite goes away, does it?"

Lewis and Y/n exchanged a playful glance. Theirs was a love built on respect, passion, and a healthy dose of friendly competition. It had been a long road to get there, but they knew that at the end of the day they were ready to catch the other.

Her father lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper leaning towards Lewis. "Don't let her fool you though. That smile hides a fierce negotiator. Be prepared to fight your ground on the restoration costs."

Lewis chuckled, a warm feeling spreading through him. He looked at Y/n, her eyes sparkling with a mix of excitement and mischief.

As Y/n led Lewis towards the car, his hand brushed on her ring finger in a silent promise, one her father certainly caught on to, one he knew, from that moment two years prior, he would make sure to fulfil, every day.

______________________________________________________________

TAGLIST - @saturnssunflower @xoscar03 @chocolatediplomatdreamerzonk @happy-golden-hour @vicurious28

@0710khj @thecubanator2 @neilakk @bigratbitchsworld @adriswrld

@fearfam69691 @cmleitora @goldenroutledge @timmychalametsstuff @jpgnsf @priopp123

If you’d like to be added to my taglist you can leave a comment or send me a dm/ask.

[jesswritesthat]

Iwaizumi Hajime: Brothers’ Best Friend

Fandom: Haikyuu!! — [ Masterlist ]

Summary: 2.5k, fluff

• It can be hard when you catch feelings for your brother best friend, but the least you can do is be mature about it and turn it into a game.

Warnings: a few insults

>>>>——————————>

Iwaizumi Hajime had been 5 things to you over the years, some you'd regretted, many you'd denied, but there's 1 he'd finally accept.

———

He was your ‘brothers’ best friend.

Even from a young age, Iwaizumi Hajime had always captured your interest - most would often sway towards Oikawa but considering he was your older brother figure as your families were quite close, you saw quite enough of him already.

To anyone, your favouritism was evident, including to Oikawas' parents who regularly took you to collect Tōru from his Volleyball club practices.

Gingerly you walked past the child players who varied in height but were all taller than you, some recognising you and side stepping so you could locate your targets faster.

All while Tōrus older sister filmed the humorous ritual. You strolled toward the familiar pair, Oikawa immediely breaking into a blinding smile and picking you up with a prideful greeting. Iwaizumi halted beside his partner whilst he lifted you (there was only 2 years between you but at this age you'd yet to grow).

However, it was not your brother you wanted - no, he held you in his arms only for you pout and kick in his grasp.

Adhering to his childish personality, the cute Setter scoffed whilst mumbling curses as he passed you to his best friend who had his arms open already, used to this familiar favouritism behaviour - a smug look sent to his partner as you settled immediately with a content grin.

Happily you allowed Hajime to manoeuvre you to a piggy back position and carry you over to your amused family.

"This'll be good blackmail in the future y'know, I think for all of you~" Tōrus sister finally pressing stop on the recording, you supposed that at her age she had it out for her 'siblings'.

———

He was a crush.

A phase you'd told yourself, just some ridiculous school girl crush that'd pass eventually because above all else, he was a good friend.

"Hi (Y/n), Iwaizumi is here y'know." Oikawas sister said it with a playful mirth to her silky tone, knowing smirk situated on her face upon seeing you light up.

"Iwa?! Really~"

"That's the guy you talk about, on the high school team with your 'brother' right?"

"Yes! You have to me him -them- c'mon." Eagerly you dragged your friend into the kitchen where the two volleyball players were conversing.

"Hey guys."

"Awh! Chibi-chan, did you miss me? I know I'm amaz—"

Fluently you ducked under his open arms, flying straight into the unsuspecting but easily prepared Iwaizumi who only groaned in reply.

"Tch, not as amazing as Iwa-chan apparently."

"You've grown (Y/n), and who’s your friend?"

"Yeah, that's how life generally works Iwaizumi, oh and this Yuki."

"Nice to meet you. Oi, careful, you sound like Crappykawa and one of those is enough thanks." Iwaizumi chided after introductions, leaving you shaking your head but excited to ask your next question.

"How was the game? God I can't wait to start Aobajohsai next year! I'll finally be able to watch you guys for real."

"We won 2-0. Next year you can come to our practices too. We still need a manager and since Crappykawa is going to be Captain, he might put in a good word."

"Not likely, especially since you'll take Iwas' side in everything." Oikawa sneakily replied, giving you a childish face which you naturally returned.

"That's because he's usually right Tōru."

Once finishing your conversation, you left for your own home like originally planned with Yuki, also glad she’d finally met the two most important people in your life.

“Wow, you’re big brother figure is really good looking~”

“Ew no, did you even meet Iwaizumi? He’s so cool, he’s the arm wrestling champion at Aobajohsai.”

“You know we don’t stand a chance, they’ll be thirds years whilst we’re first years.” She’d awkwardly added, but you remained charismatically confident.

“You’re not thinking ahead, I’ll have a chance one day but until then there’s a bunch of cute guys in our year.”

“Yes, speaking of, I finally got the courage to speak to Tadashi-kun today~”

———

He was a protector.

"Back. Off." Every word was deadly punctuated, standing as a warning all on their own without needed the back up of Iwaizumis dangerous glare.

"Who are you?!" The pestered had glowered, having followed you from your friends’ party that night.

"Take another step and you'll find out."

"Iwaizumi, it's fine— I can handle this." You had every intention to, but Iwaizumi stood protectively in front of you and fingers twitching to punch this scoundrel if he dared make a move to touch you, it was best to leave it.

"Whatever.” Then he was gone, storming off in the other direction much to your joint relief.

“(Y/n) you need to be more careful.”

“I was careful! That’s why I messaged Oikawa the second I noticed him following me.” Hold on, why the hell was Iwaizumi here then?

“Creeps will target students walking alone, especially ones like you.”

“Don’t you think I know that? I’m not and idiot an— what do you mean ‘like me’?”

“What? You’re, y’know— you’re ours!” He seemed stifled by his response but he couldn’t exactly tell you it’s because you were considered attractive.

"You can stop treating me like a baby, I'm 16 Hajime! I can take care of myself, besides..." There was brief hesitation but your emotions were too strong. "I need to get used to you and Tōru not being around, don't I?"

It was a low blow, you knew that, but had every right to be angry at both the world and him, especially with that bubbling feeling of betrayal being so fresh.

"What? So protecting you suddenly means I'm treating you like a child?"

"What else would it be?" You bit back again, knowing by this point you were only being hurtful.

"That I—" A pause.

"That I care about you dumbass, is that so hard to believe? I know you're growing up but that doesn't mean me -or Tōru- are gonna stop looking out for you just because we're on the other side of the world."

"Sure it doesn’t, I'm going home." Despite his words being full of honesty, you turned your back on him and started walking.

"I'll walk you."

"No, I'll walk myself thanks."

"It wasn't a request."

Eventually you arrived at Oikawas’ house, storming in and ditching your shoes in his porch - the pretty brunette heaving a knowing sigh. Oikawa would give you a minute, Iwa having now walked into the house moments after without a word, and that’s when Oikawa followed your path and hesitantly knocked on his own bedroom door for entry.

"Don't be mad at Iwa-chan."

"Yeah yeah 'he's only trying to look out for you' and 'Hajime is protective over people close to him', heard it all before Tōru." Came your muffled reply, face hidden in your arms on the setters bed.

"...Guess you have but uh, this is different."

"Tch."

"It's because he's going to miss you, our Ace won't ever admit that but it's true. Not seeing you and dealing with our chaos all the time will be weird for him. You were near the top of his list to tell once he’d made his decision about California y'know?" Tōru sat tentatively beside you, a reassuring hand patting your back in aid of comforting you.

"Doesn't make it hurt any less, finding out I'm not only losing my big brother but his best friend too."

"You're more upset about me though right?" There was a preganant pause, quite honestly you weren't exactly listening but it was enough for Oikawa to sit abruptly from the bed. "Right?!"

"Tōru!"

"Fine fine, I'm taking that as a yes, but anyway, Iwa-chan just wants to make sure you're gonna be okay in life before he leaves (Y/n)."

There was another silence, a quiet sob escaping you that you’d desperately tried to cover up.

"…Where were you? I needed you Tōru and you weren’t there…"

You felt him cease up, the pain laced your voice and he knew it was partly because it’ll be this way for the foreseeable future, but this time wasn’t his fault.

“Iwa-chan was here when I got your message, he was out the house before I could even put my shoes on. So I waited here for when you came back.” They really were the best team. “Anyway, I’ll prepare my sisters old room for you to stay tonight.”

Awkwardly you shuffled into the kitchen, finding the Ace situated at the table, already changed into a t-shirt and joggers he had here and tiredly brooding over some freshly made tea.

"Hey..." The quietened whisper from your lips surprised even you, let alone Hajime who looked up from his cup with a softening frown.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, I um, I wanted to apologise. You were only trying to help and you even walked me home after I was a crappy friend so..."

"Anytime." There was a hanging silence again, hugging yourself a bit before the brunette awkwardly cleared his throat. "I uh, I understand you were upset, and butting in on the situation probably wasn't necessary so I'm sorry too. It just pissed me off."

"We're good then?"

"Yeah, we're good."

Pausing at the entrance, you sighed quietly - bare feet quickly tapping on the floor and before Hajime could check the origin you'd engulfed him from behind, arms wrapped around his chest and nose buried in the nape of his neck.

"I'll miss you too Hajime."

You heard his breath hitch, muscles tensing under your touch and tentative fingers gracing your own with a gently sigh.

Then you pulled away slightly, the same moment he'd looked back to you, gazes meeting for only a few sacred seconds like sharing a thousand words. Softly you smiled, both of you laughing as your fingers slipped from his figure and you'd walked back to the guest room. Only to find Oikawa sat expectantly on the bed waiting for you.

"You tell him?"

"Not quite. But I said enough."

———

He was a traitor.

Not a phase. It must be a familiarity thing then, Hajime had always been present in your life since you could remember. There wasn't a prolonged period of time when he hadn't been involved - at school, at home, with Oikawa, even on vacations, or via social media.

Maybe once he'd left, once he was no longer around, the constant familiarity wouldn't influence your feelings anymore.

For now though, when you were gifted a moment alone with him that’d likely be your last, you decided it couldn’t hurt to express your feelings. Calmly and nonchalantly.

"I like you Hajime."

"I like you too (Y/n)." He paused, soft and sentimental smile gracing his lips briefly as if resenting his next words. "But you know there's the age thing."

"I know, but I'm in it for the long game."

You could tell your confident statement caught him off guard, yes Iwaizumi knew the topic of conversation was to be handled with care but that didn’t mean he wasn’t perplexed by you.

"I don't want you to wait for me or anything, considering I'm heading to California."

"I had no intention of waiting, our paths will cross again. It's nice knowing you're out there, I'm out there, and we both know. That's enough." You shrugged, leaning back far too casually for the situation.

"Knowing we're both out in the world, I can play along with that."

"Besides, I'll win in the end Hajime."

"Oh yeah? What makes you so sure."

There was a playful smirk on your lips as you sat up a little straighter, hands clasped and head tilted in curiosity. "Well, date me now?"

"No way."

"Okay, then date me later?"

"..." Despite his snapping reply earlier, he now furrowed his brows in thought. "You don't even know what we'll being doing in the future."

"You're not saying no."

"..." A flicker of realisation when meeting your competitive gaze.

"See." You smirked. "That's what makes so sure."

"The long game huh?" Iwaizumi smiled "Count me in."

Oikawa joined you both then, stepping out onto the field and standing before your sitting figures.

"I'm still going to hate you though." A playful punch hitting Iwaizumis’ shoulder as you rose to your feet. "For leaving. I can't hide those feelings very well."

"I know, and it's okay. Hate me for as long as you need to."

“You two done? Let’s go~”

However it was the text later that night which left you more confused than ever.

[ Iwa: Finally. ]

[ (Y/n): Huh? ]

[ Iwa: I didn't give you an answer earlier, so that's it. ]

[ Iwa: Date you finally. ]

[ (Y/n): What does that mean? Eventually??? Later??? Iwaaaaa!!!! 😭 ]

[ Iwa: You're playing the long game remember?  So you'll just have to wait I guess. Anyways tell Shittykawa he better be up early tomorrow, night (Y/n) x ]

[ (Y/n): Tōrus' right, you are mean! 💀 ]

———

He was a friend.

"Someone grew up good." Iwaizumi nodded to you in greeting when you’d shown up to Oikawas’ family home, yourself gladly embracing the former traitor.

"Iwa-chan! That's my little chibi-chan!" Oikawa was quick to chastise, even at your expense.

"Tōru I'm not so little anymore, I'm a grown assed human with a job and rent for crying out loud!"

"With a petty attitude to boot." Oikawa mocked, sticking his tongue at you like you were children again.

"Wonder who they got that from Crappykawa?"

"How dare you compare me to him Iwaizumi?! That's it, we're enemies now - prepare to lose."

"I just got back from California, can't we do things normally for once? Like unpack, then celebrate my graduation by going out for dinner together like old times?"

Yourself and Oikawa looked at each other with offended expressions, mirroring smirks etching onto your lips once you'd set your attention back on an irritated Iwa.

"Nope!" You devilishly grinned, Oikawa already holding up Mario Kart controllers as he finished off.

"We're going to my place to have a tournament, loser buys dinner!"

"Idiots."

“Woah, us ‘idiots’ threw you a graduation party. We’re the best friends ever, you should be thanking rather than insulting us y’know.” Oikawa pointedly corrected referring to the destination later tonight.

“Yeah, when Tōru got back from the airport, we even tried making you a cake!”

“Guys… thanks so much…”

“Iwa-chan, congratulations on your graduation.” Tōru proudly cemented, next you gladly followed. “And welcome home.”

———

He was the love of your life.

It was a beautiful summers night in Tokyo, and you'd come to congratulate Iwaizumi on his recent job offer as the Japanese Olympic Volleyball Teams fitness trainer.

You didn't think you'd be sitting beside him staring up at the stars though, a blissful warm breeze allowing you to truly feel the moment.

It seemed Iwaizumi was the same, content smile upon his face.

"It's nice to see you (Y/n), I'm glad you made it."

"Well it's easier when you don't have to catch a flight from the other side of the world." It was evident to whom you’d referred, his absence always being felt in some way.

"Heh, yeah I got to speak to him over video chat though."

"Ugh that means he didn't get the slaps he deserves." Was your witty reply, Iwaizumi laughing alongside you.

"Nah, but don't worry I managed to scold him for anything ridiculous he came out with."

"Like beating everyone?"

"Exactly. With the team I'm gonna train, I'll kick his ass." It amazed you, that even as best friends their rivalry continued into adulthood.

"I hope you both do well Hajime."

"Hm, I hope Japan and Argentina get to face one another most of all."

"You miss him."

"Yeah." A sentimental smile and Iwa turned to you. "And I miss you too."

The atmosphere once again settled into that of comfortable tranquility. You supposed there was only one last thing to say then.

"Well Iwaizumi Hajime, I have one last question for you tonight."

"I know, you've been waiting. So go ahead." It was a challenge, the brunette facing you with an expectant smirk that matched your own.

"Date me now?"

"Don't you remember? I said date you, finally."

"Finally?" You mimicked again, still not knowing what he’d meant by that phrase.

"Guess the long game is over now huh?" Iwaizumi shrugged nonchalantly, despite his mocking tone which only left you sarcastically retorting.

"Shut up asshole."

"It meant, I may not have been your first love (Y/n), but I have every intention of being your last." His sentiment surprised you, especially if this is the thought he had when typing that text all those years ago. "If that's okay with you obviously."

"It is Hajime, then it's your call."

"(Y/n), will you finally go on a date with me?"

"No." You'd said it proudly, Hajime only knowingly smirking. "You don't get to take the victory lap now. This is my game, and I asked you first. You owe me an answer."

"Ah man, it was worth a shot but the only true loss here is missing the chance to be with you so yeah."

"Don't get all sappy on me Hajime! It doesn't suit you."

"Hey! I said I'd date you (Y/n), aren't I supposed to be a little sentimental with that." Though he seemed confident, Iwaizumi hadn’t hidden his blush very well.

"You might want to make another call to Oikawa, I'm sure dating his 'Chibi-chan' will have him back here in no time. Don't you need his permission huh?"

"Already got it." Iwaizumi seemed smug about it, no doubt probably asking prior to this encounter since he already knew what you wanted to ask - but you had your own surprises.

"Funny, I did too."

"You asked his permission to date me?!"

"Duh, you're his best friend. I got permission before you even left for California~"Not explicitly, but you assumed Oikawa had always known how you felt.

"You really had me from the start didn't you?"

"Yeah, but you had me too Iwa.”

Iwaizumi Hajime was (and had been) your everything. But you were always his everything too.

<——————————<<<<

[ Masterlist ]

[serenefreakgeekao3]

Chocolate and Pining

Jim Halpert x GN!Reader

PART ONE

[TABLE OF CONTENTS]

Check Table of Contents for entire fic summary and Key!

Summary: The cameras arrive and begin their rotation through the office. What will their shiny lens and intrusive questions uncover?

Warnings: canon-compliant cheating (if you count Pam flirting while engaged)

Author's Note: First post of the new rewrite, and Im kinda glad I only post two chapters of this previously because I went through and changed the entire thing from third person pov to first, to match along with the rest of the xReaders i’ve been writing.

[ ֎” ]

"Alright," You begin, your legs crossed while you tap one hand on your thigh. "What do I even say?" You huff a little laugh, shaking your head. You sat on an uncomfortable grey plastic chair, blinds slightly drawn behind you to block the view of the rest of the office working. You turn around and glance back, looking through the small opening available and noting three different cameras roaming the office and zooming in on people.

"What do we do here?" You repeat the question you're given, turning back toward your own interview camera. "Well, this is Dunder Mifflin, Scranton branch. We're a paper-pushing company." You stop for a moment before the producer behind the camera does a sort of wave as if urging you on. "Uh- well, I'm the receptionist here. I took the job almost a year ago. I transfer calls to the department they need to go to, write notes during our meetings- I'm basically Michael's secretary." You awkwardly laugh, glancing at the wall of the conference room shared with Michael's office as if he could hear through it. You wouldn’t doubt it if someone told you he stood there with his ear pressed to the wall.

"What's the most interesting thing about this job?" You furrow your brows in concern, uncrossing your legs and sitting forward. "Look, I don't know what you guys were expecting when you came here with a whole film crew, but we're a paper company. There's literally nothing interesting about working here."

[ ֎” ]

"What's interesting about working here?" Oscar asks, glancing through the blinds before leaning closer to the camera, waving his hand as he speaks quieter, "Now I'm not one to gossip, but the big thing going around is the office romance right now. And I'm not talking about Kelly and Ryan getting back together for the fifth time." He laughs shortly at his own joke before continuing. "See, Pam is engaged to Roy, he works here in the shipping warehouse downstairs. They've been together for years and they finally have a wedding date set for about a month or so from now.

"However, Jim has the biggest crush on her, everyone can tell. Before Y/N got here, Pam was the receptionist and Jim was always jumping up and going over to her to flirt constantly. Now, some believe the flirting is still going on while their desks are right next to each other, but I think it's gotten tamped down a bit since Pam scheduled a date for the wedding.

"And then there's Y/N. They started here when Pam was finally transferred to sales, and the position opened. They actually became quite close to both Pam and Jim pretty quickly, which makes some sense considering Dwight and Michael basically attacked them their first day here." —

[ ֎” ]

"Attacked Y/N? Please," Dwight scoffed, shaking his head, "I was merely preparing the new employee. If you’re not ready for a surprise stab from a ninja on your first day on the job, then I really don’t think you’re ready for work at all.” Dwight huffs out a breath, crossing his arms. “Besides, Jim made me use the dull blade.” He looks away from the camera in a strop, shrugging his shoulders. “If he hadn’t taken my sharp one I wouldn’t have had to pull out the dull one. I had to put extra force behind the attack for it to do anything, so really it’s Jim’s fault for the bruises.

“Michael? He couldn’t hurt a fly.” Dwight scoffs, then scoffs again for emphasis. “The fact that he tripped and fell that day means nothing, he was merely catching himself from falling with the closest available thing to grab. Which happened to be Y/N’s body, which he then happened to pull down with him. An honest mistake, that.”

[ ֎” ]

— "Now," Oscar continued where he left off with a smirk, "You'd think Jim flirting with Pam, and her egging it on while engaged, should be drama enough for you. But, then you have to figure into the equation that Y/N also likes Jim. I have a pretty good view of the receptionist area when Y/N sits in a certain spot, and I can hear whenever they talk to each other... Sometimes.

"Now I don't know if Jim realized he's a little flirty," Oscar wiggles his fingers with this, "But certainly not as much with them as with Pam. But- man, it's almost painful how hopeful Y/N's voice gets when they talk with Jim. Almost, but mostly just entertaining. And of course, none of the three know about this. It's basically the office soap opera at this point, and no one wants to say anything to disrupt the saga."

Oscar leans back, chuckling to himself before glancing at the camera, "Oh, almost everyone. Don't tell Dwight or Michael either, they're sure to give it away." He pats his leg for a second before smirking, "I'm team Pam. Now don’t look at me that way! I would love for Y/N and Jim to get together, but he’s just too obsessed with Pam! And that woman really needs to get herself a new man, that Roy is a real piece. of. work."

[ ֎” ]

"Team Pam or Y/N?" Phyllis asks, her smile soft as she raises a hand to cover a giggle, "Now I don't like drama, but absolutely team Y/N. Pam is engaged, it's inappropriate."

[ ֎” ]

"Team Pam, all the way." Meredith nods, smirking to the camera. "She was here first. Gotta be loyal to the branch."

[ ֎” ]

"Oh! Team Y/N!" Kelly squeals, wiggling her body in excitement.

[ ֎” ]

Jim sits in the seat, smoothing his pant legs down and sighing. "So, uh, what exactly do I say?" He places his chin in his hand, his fingers tapping restlessly against his bottom lip.

"Anything interesting?" Jim repeats, glancing out the window in the general direction of Pam and Y/N before looking back. "I mean, there's nothing really interesting about this job. Toner prices, how much each piece of paper weighs or costs-" Jim sighs, shaking his head and dropping his hand, "Honestly, the only reason I'm still here at this point is probably my friends. Pam, my desk-mate over there, we've been here for a while together. And then there's Y/N, the relatively new hire. Or, are they new?" Jim tilts his head to think about it, squinting his eyes toward the ceiling. "Has it almost been a year already?"

Jim shrugs, smirking before tapping his leg, "Oh, and also pranking Dwight. Gotta make your own fun here."

"What the- Jim!" Dwight suddenly yells, drawing half the office's attention. The other half continued blandly on with their work, used to their antics it would seem. Jim glances wearily over toward Dwight as he lugs something up from his bottom drawer, placing a plate with yellow jello and a stapler floating inside onto his desk. "What did you do?"

Jim struggles to hold back a laugh, his hand curled in front of his face and chin resting on his palm. Instead, he shrugs, leans back and crosses his arms while trying to maintain a poker face. "Nothing, Dwight. By the way, what happened to your stapler there?"

"You should know, you did it!" He sits there for a moment, glaring at Jim before bounding up, running and calling out, "Michael!"

You were half standing behind your reception desk to get a good look, sniggering to yourself about this prank- it was a good one. You look over to Jim and see him give Pam a high-five, mumbling something to each other before Jim looks in your direction and shoots you a full smile instead of the smirk he had been wearing. You smile back, sitting back down in your chair and scooting up closer to your computer.

The camera swings around closer to Jim, listening more in on their conversation. "How did you even do it?" Pam asks and snickers quietly before straightening up suddenly, grabbing her phone to press to her ear in an attempt to look as if she was doing her work as their boss exits his office.

"Let me see, let me see-" Michael finally lays eyes on the prank, laughing loudly. "Wow, just- wow!" He laughs some more, patting Jim on the back. "This is a creative one, good job Jimbo!" Dwight scoffs, moving to be in Michael's line of sight. Michael jumps slightly as if remembering he's the boss before clearing his throat and looking at Jim. "Oh, but don't do it again."

"Do what again?" Jim asks, playing dumb still and raising his eyebrows at Michael. Michael barks a laugh in return and pats his back again before wandering back into his office, mumbling about jello under his breath. Jim turns toward Dwight with a victorious grin while you stand, carrying your lunch box toward the kitchen. You tap Jim's shoulder twice in passing as if to say good job, and Jim barely has enough time to lift a hand to yours as you gently pull away to continue to your destination.

"Get it out," Dwight demands, standing near Jim and glaring at him.

"Get what out?"

"My stapler!"

"Well, it is your stapler, Dwight." Jim turns back toward his computer, chuckling under his breath.

"Oh, and how am I supposed to get it out?"

"I don't know, eat the jello?" Jim suggests, causing Dwight to scoff loudly as he plops in his chair.

"I can't just eat the jello, Jim. I wrote my name in whiteout on the stapler so everyone would know it's mine." Dwight pauses for a moment before narrowing his eyes. "Unless you knew that, and you'd assume I'd eat this. You're trying to poison me!" Jim sighs loudly, widening his eyes toward the camera before shaking his head.

"Ok, and with that, I'm going to take my lunch." He stands, turning to make his way toward the kitchen.

"If you need something to eat, I have a whole plate of jello right here for you Jim!"

Jim enters the kitchen, watching you press a few buttons on the microwave to heat your lunch. He dons a small private smile before sneaking closer behind you, reaching out and grabbing your sides while calling out a quick, "Boo!"

You jump heavily and yelp, turning around quickly with a hand pressed to your chest, panting out your breaths. "Fuckin- Halpert!" You yell out, smacking his arm before slumping against the counter behind you. Taking a few more breaths as Jim bends over laughing, you call out, "Unfair!"

"Oh? Unfair?" Jim replies, grinning toward you, "This is just payback for that email!"

"Hey, I sent that yesterday!"

"And I just opened it today." Jim grinned, not at all sorry, as you remember the jumpscare chain email you had forwarded to him, hoping to see his reaction.

"Well, that's unfortunate. I wanted to see you jump, I must've missed it." You pouted slightly and Jim's face did a small change, becoming softer and crinkling slightly at the eyes. You don’t seem to notice as you turn toward your food once the microwave beeps.

"Yeah, you were being harried by Michael, something about new shoes?" At which you groan loudly, holding up a finger with an eye roll.

"Don't even get me started on that." You thought back to that same morning when Michael came in with muddy shoes, whining about how he had just bought them even though you could’ve sworn you had seen Michael wearing them for the last half a year. How exactly did time pass in Michael's world, you wondered? And how had they gotten muddied? It wasn’t even raining outside!

"If you need to talk about it, I'm here," Jim said, sounding oddly sincere, but then continued quickly, "Although if the opposite is true I'm also very willing to go into detail about the newest book I just finished of my series."

"Oh? You mean your nerdy novels about swords and dragons?" You reply, raising your eyebrows and smirking at Jim as you stirred your lunch. “Aren’t you supposed to be a jock or something?”

"Don't pretend like you don't love the series, you listen to me ramble about it every week," Jim replied, never losing his smile and never looking away from you. His focus felt like fire on you, and there was nothing you could do to put it out. You weren’t even sure you wanted to. “And it is possible for someone to like sports and reading at the same time.”

"Hmm." You hum, pretending to think about it. It really wasn't a hard choice- while the stories sounded interesting enough by themselves, it was Jim telling them to you that made the whole week worth it. Listening to Jim become so passionate about something he found interesting was almost infectious, you practically waited for these days just to gain inspiration for your own writing. And if you happen to write fanfiction about the stories you've never actually read- well, Jim didn't need to know about that. "Alright, fine, if you insist. So what's new with Salamander and Patterson?"

"It's Sally and Parker," Jim began in disbelief, rolling his eyes fondly as you pick up your lunch, the both of you moving to the break room. You had known that, of course, but watching Jim try to explain for the seventh time why Sally is absolutely not a salamander and is, in fact, more like a snake than anything else just brings a smile to your face and a warm feeling to fill your chest.

You sat down at a chair, thankful for the empty break room as Jim wandered over to the vending machines. He put in some money and roughly pushed a few buttons, complaining all the while about his book characters. He ends up chuckling and shaking his head as he states that he needed to 'start from the beginning.'

A packet of double chocolate chip cookies lands in front of you, and you grin brightly while reaching for the gift. "My favourite, how did you know?" You look up to see Jim looking quickly away, not noticing the red starting to stain his cheeks and the tops of his ears.

"You eat it every week," Jim replies quietly as if that explains it, fetching his own lunch. "Anyway so then Parker-"

It was later in the day, and you sat bored at your desk, a word document pulled up on your computer that was half written with a personal story. Though you weren't actively typing it, instead spinning a pen in your hand as you stare in the direction of the sales associates.

"I honestly don't know what I'm looking for here," Jim speaks lowly, chuckling as he held Pam's hand in both of his, her palm facing upward. He looks up into her eyes as she giggles, shaking her head.

"No, look closer, here," Pam takes one of his hands, taking a finger and tracing a line on her palm as if this would help him read it, "This is the life line. Or- wait, maybe it's the heart line?" Pam giggles again, though misses Jim's almost yearning gaze as he holds her hand a little tighter.

"I don't know what either of those mean, Beesly," Jim replied, his voice low, and Pam finally looked up. Their eyes met and you finally had to look away, the pain in your chest becoming almost too much to bear.

And, almost as if on cue, Roy pushes in the door to the office, walking forward with his hand holding a leather jacket over his shoulder. You glance up quickly, about to start your usual introduction before realizing who it is and clearing your throat loudly, throwing a worried glance toward Jim. He glances over in time, thankfully, yanking his hands back as if burned when spotting Roy turning the corner. It seemed as though Roy hadn't noticed, smiling at his fiance as he approached before leaning down and kissing her forehead.

You watched the pained expression cross Jim's face for just a moment before he managed to school his features into a poker face. You felt for him, honestly. You knew how it felt when the person you liked, well, liked someone else. You just wanted him to be happy above all else, and you knew pining after Pam was not it. If only Pam wouldn't egg it on constantly, maybe he'd have a chance to get over her.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah, let me just pack my things and print out one more file, I'll meet you down there," Pam replied to her fiance, smiling blindingly bright at him before they kiss once more. Roy turned around, passing the reception desk before grabbing a few pieces of candy that you kept out on the top of the desk. He popped one in his mouth before choking dramatically, turning around and coughing a few times before looking directly at you.

"M&Ms? Really? I liked it better when it was Skittles."

"I've never put out Skittles, I like chocolate."

"It doesn't matter what you like, it's for the guests, isn't it? Pam used to put out Skittles and no one complained." He tossed the remaining few pieces onto the floor beside him before walking out of the office. Pam ran up quickly, a worried look on her face.

"I'm so sorry, he must've had a bad day-"

"It's fine, Pam, really." You paste on a smile, annoyed not just at Roy but at Pam for earlier. Pam nodded slowly, her smile regretful as if knowing how you felt before turning around and pressing the last few clicks on her computer to shut it down. She gathered her things in silence, sliding her newly printed paper into a file on her desk. Meanwhile, you stared at your computer screen, not really reading what was there.

"Bye Jim. Bye Y/N, see you tomorrow!" Pam called out, and you replied with a little wave before pressing save on your word document, downloading it to your flash drive. The door to the office hadn't even closed before a new presence was at your desk, leaning over to try and spy on their computer. You looked up to see Jim smirking, looking directly into your eyes.

"Did you close that document just 'cause I came over? Hiding something from me, Y/L/N?" His teasing tone had you smiling against your better judgement, leaning back and crossing your arms.

"Well, I wouldn't want you discovering my master plan. It's a secret for a reason, you know." Jim laughed at your joke, leaning back and taking a handful of M&Ms to pop into his mouth. Watching this, you felt their face deflate just slightly before you hear Jim’s whispers.

"You know, I think I prefer the M&Ms over Skittles any day." He winks, then dumps more from his handful into his mouth, walking back to his desk to finish up his day. You once again couldn't help the small smile that adorned your face in response.

[ ֎” ]

"I've always had a thing for chocolate," You said, shrugging, "I'm the one who sits there all day anyway." You bite your lip for a moment, trying to suppress a smile. "Besides, who cares what Roy thinks? Other people in the office like them, that's all that matters."

[ ֎” ]

"What kind of person do I like?" Jim makes a baffled face, blinking a few times before resituating in his seat. "I don't know why that's relevant, but if I had to choose..." He trails off, his eyes taking on a far-off look, "Someone sweet, smart- someone who laughs at my jokes while also making me laugh. Someone who will help me with my pranks and listen to my ramblings." He looks back up to the camera with a small smile, "Someone with a sweet tooth that I could spoil."

"You coming, Y/L/N?" Jim calls out, the office dark. You're the last two in the building now, it seems, and you glance up from your desk where you're standing to smile at him.

"Oh, I just have a few more papers to print, you go on ahead."

"Don't work too hard, Y/L/N. The effort isn't worth it." You laugh in response, waving him off. You both exchange a quiet goodbye before you wander over to the copier, which was printing multiple copies of what looked like Dwight's face on the 'Scranton Strangler' wanted poster. The camera swings between the pages and back to you, where you only shrug and smirk.

"It'll be funny," Is your only excuse as you take the pages and start hanging them on the pillars of the building around the office, sliding an extra copy into Jim's desk as a memento.

[elsa-rain-world-stuff]

PART 2 OF MY FIRST TIME IN RAINWORL

PART 1 HERE!!!!

I don't care if you didn't want it, i'm doing it anyway!

today we have more people in the dialog (probably), so:

Doc - person from the previous post

Lily - new person who was also struggling with rw

Me - me, Elsa Fogen

october 18, 2020

Me [21:43] : you crawl out AND THERE'S THAT THING SITTING

Lily [21:24] : ahhahha they're blind, but can hear very well Me [21:46] : that bitch sitting right where i need to go

Lily [21:24] : throw a rock, it'll be distracted and go away Me [21:58] : threw at it and it ate me :)

october 19, 2020, new chat

Me [19:15] : Which wai is better..........

Lily [19:25] : Hi everyone Can i scream here about stupid scavs Me [19:32] : Yes and i'm gonna scream about FUCKING OCTOPUSES AAAAAAAAAAAA DIE BITCH

Me [19:44] : alright FUCK i'm tired of this shit fucking longlegs Me [19:44] : i like them, BUT THEY PISS ME OFF SO MUCH WHILE PLAYING AWJMLALMOWAJA Me [20:17] : SO, actual question, which way is better? Me [20:25] : chill

Me [20:31] : fuck

Me [20:39] : what the fuck...

Me [23:07] : I THINK RAAAAAAAIN IS COMING

Me [23:09] : AH FINALLY

NEEEEEEST Lily [23:09] : how you managed to lose all your karma as monk? Me [23:11] : two words FUCKING LONGLEGS scary

Malevich's black square

Me [23:11] : minus fucking eyes

Me [23:40] : *FURIOUS SCREAM OF HATE*

Me [23:40] : why hello

Me [23:40] : you don't need a translation they said there's no dialog they said AND NOW I CAN'T UNDERSTAND SHIT

october 20, 2020

Me [00:02] : what happened????????????????????

Lily [00:03] : he will kill you if you keep coming back or stay after he told you to leave Me [00:04] : UM

Me [00:14] : um

what's with karma Lily [00:15] : Five Pebbles made you maximum karma Me [00:16] : alright then. where do i go next? i don't understand shit Lily [00:16] : go after orange Me [00:18] : ?? Lily [00:18] : Well. That thing that shows you the way Me [00:33] : HAHAHAH IT WAS FUCKING KILLED AND I HAVEN'T SEEN IT IN AGES Lily [00:34] : It comes back after If it didn't that means that you ate neuron from Moon Me [00:38] : i don't think so... i didn't eat anything from Moon and it was killed in citadel Lily [00:38] : you're glowing It means you ate white fly Me [00:40] : i didn't eat from Moon Lily [00:40] : Ok, then why are you glowing? :D Me [00:40] : i ate those flies only at five pebbles, BECAUSE THERE WERE NO OTHER FOOD Lily [00:40] : idk then ahhh by the way Five Pebbles tells you where to go Me [00:51] : ahkepadwaha fuck would be great if i understood him Me [01:08] : rip my thing, good thing it was

Me [01:08] : what the fuck

After that i used a passage and teleported to outskirts, and saw my overseer again. I can't find any messages about that but i remember that i didn't visit chimney and sky islands on my first time lol. also i got very poor translation for the game yeah

Me [22:18] : what are these things

Me [22:52] : AH SHIT THIS FUCKER TOOK MY EXPLOSIVE SPEAR THAT I CHANGED(( Me [22:52] : FUCKING ARSENAL HERE

Me [22:52] : THE FUN THING IS THAT I DIDN'T DO IT Lily [22:53] : WHATDOYOUMEAN who did then??? Me [22:52] : I DON'T KNOW SCAVENGERS PROBABLY WHY THO THEY HAVE STASH NEARBY BUT MY GAME STARTED LAGGING BECAUSE OF IT LOL

Also this conversation i think it's funny

october 21, 2020

Doc [0:30] : ELSA I'M GONNA EAT YOU NOW Me [00:32] : why :0 Doc [0:33] : I asked you many times who would you be in rw. Just to draw. Me [00:33] : ah. idk. a cat mb, i don't know anyone yet Doc [0:33] : Which? 🗿 white. yellow. red. green. dark-blue. almost black. light blue. another light blue. orange. maroon. Me [00:34] : speckled purple 🗿 Doc [0:34] : purple Me [00:34] : kidding ЪAWHWAZH AWHZWHWHAHW SINGLE BRAIN Doc [0:34] : IT EXISTS IT FUCKING EXISTS *sends picture of sleeping spearmaster* -------- Me [12:51] : by the way, i will have this glowing forever? Doc [12:51] : What? Me [12:52] : well that appeared after i ate flies at Five Pebbles Doc [12:52] : I think yes. Me [12:52] : Nice By the way, overseer showed up And was killed by fucking scavengers twice

october 22, 2020

Me [0:12] : FUCK HEAR ME OUT HEAR ME O U T there's one place, very deep well and there no pipes to climb up and there's shelter up there i fell in that well couldn't go further and long story short i'm like sitting there thinking what do i do i had an option to die but i didn't want to and so i decided to wait till the rain and go up with water AND IT WORKED Me [0:18] : my genius plan worked here

Lily [00:19] : AAAAAA NO WAY SO IT'S NOT AN EMPTY PLACE IT'S A PIT??? THANK YOU ELSA THANK YOU VERY MUCH SMOOCH SMOCH SMOOOOCH Me [0:19] : I'm just not afraid to take risk sometimes you can farm karma later anyway (but in some places you'll lose more while farming) Lily [00:20] : i just though it's gonna rain like in open place Me [0:21] : i believed and hoped that it's gonna be flooded and no rain Lily [00:22] : How did you HOW DID YOU EVEN GUESS THAT Damn You're my salvation Me [0:23] : i can't climb onto damn deers((((( they're slippery bitches Lily [00:24] : they also sit on you Me [0:25] : OR DON'T SIT AT ALL

and here you can see my internal explorer had beed awakened

Me [0:25] : h m what is this pipe and where it leads...

Me [0:25] : and He R E

Me [0:25] : standin

---- Me [17:52] : i'm trying to make good relationships with scavengers

october 23, 2020

Me [15:59] : WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ORGY

Me [16:02] : FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK I'VE JUST NOW UNDERSTOOD HOW TO SIT ON THESE CREATURES

oh, the bird was sucked into the ground Me [16:03] : - so what's with the money? - what money - money that i invested in in stopping rains (it's a reference to an old meme...)

Me [16:03] : WELL FUCK IT THREW ME AWAY

Me [16:07] : DUDEEEEE

Me [16:11] : FINALLY YESYEEEEEESSS NEW SHELTER

WELL I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO MAKE PART 3 BECAUSE OF IMAGE LIMIT

LIKE AND REBLOG FOR NEXT PART OR WHATEVER

[mommy-milkers69]

Orphan Tears

Genshin Sagau Part one. Part 2 coming soon! ...

You don’t know how far deep into the forest you ran, but you no longer recognize where you are. There are plants surrounding you on all sides, some of which you recognize and others you do not. You fall to the ground, painting for your breath.

The sky had already gotten dark, and stars were now showing in the sky. Without all the light pollution the night sky is beautiful and if it were any other day you would’ve stopped to look at it.

But right now, you had a lot of things on your mind and didn’t even give it a glance.

As you inhaled and took a second to reminisce on all the things that have happened. I just.. Don’t understand. It all happened too fast for me to comprehend.

The last thing you remember before appearing in Teyvat, was playing your favorite game, Genshin Impact.

…

I groggily rubbed my eyes trying to clear the sleepiness from them. The sun that gazed upon me made it easier to wake myself up. For some reason it was brighter than it usually was when the blinds were closed.

I got up from my laid position and stretched my arms out. I needed to get the stiffness out of my back from laying on the ground for so long.

Wait-. Ground!? That certainly got me awake.

Why am I sleeping on the ground? Where the hell is my bed? I looked around and saw that all around was not the fluffy, comfortable sheets that I’m used to, but grass.

It was warmed by the sun’s rays and was very comfortable, but that’s besides the point.

How did I even get here? I know I would not willingly sleep outside.

Did it finally happen? Did my parents kick me out?

But.. Where am I?

There was so many questions but so little answers.

I got up and dusted the back of my shirt. I should find some people so they can help me. They can tell me where I am.

Farther from where I was standing there is a dirt trail. I could probably follow that to civilization.

I started following the path. It did cross my mind that I could've been kidnapped. But I don’t understand why they would just leave me in the middle of nowhere. Maybe that’s what they do so people can go missing. I hope that’s not the case and I'm not far from home.

..Is that.?

On the ground, there was a wild flower that unmistakably looked like Lamp Grass from Genshin. But.. That can’t be right. Last time I checked there was no such thing in my world. I’m definitely seeing things.

I’m probably hallucinating from fear but don’t realize it..Maybe I’m in shock?

I just shook it off and continued on my walk. It didn’t take long until I saw a huge city that had windmills. It looked a lot like Mondstadt. The resemblance was uncanny.

This is kind of weird.. This is definitely not Mondstadt! It couldn’t be, it’s not real! Hehe, yeah..

I near the bridge that leads to the entrance of the city. There are pigeons crowding around one area where a little boy is watching them.

Timmy!?

That can’t be possible.

I avoid the birds by walking around them on one side, they just move away from me and luckily don’t fly away. I don’t want ‘Timmy’ yelling at me right now.

If it really is Timmy.

I walk pass the guards and they don’t stop me or anything they just give me weird looks.

I thought that they would stop me and ask who I am, like Amber did with Traveler in the beginning but this makes it easier. Although it is weird..

There isn’t as much people out and about as I thought there would be, but oh well.

Usually, If this happened I would be ecstatic, but right now I'm just downright confused.

This feels like a dream and I have no idea how to feel about this..

Kathryn waves to me from where she’s standing at the adventures guild.

I smile and wave back at her. I feel a kind gust of wind breeze past me.

Everything finally hits me all at once.

I’m in Genshin Impact.. I’m actually in Genshin! This is supposed to be impossible but I’m here! It’s like a dream come true! I’m so excited!

I can meet all of my fav characters! I wonder where the traveler is right now? And if it’s Lumine or Aether!

You know what? I’m going to go to the Plaza to see Venti’s statue. It probably is bigger and looks more detailed than in the game.

I start going up the steps.

When I finally got to the top, I realized to things. One, I need way more exercise, and two, I completely underestimated how huge this thing would be. It looks amazing though and if I had my phone I would definitely take pictures.

I’m so sad I don’t have my phone. I checked earlier and it’s nowhere to be seen. Sad.

“Hey!”

I hear shouting to the left of me and I see a couple of guards carrying there weapons up the stairs.

A few citizen bystanders are following behind them and I realize that there are more people out than when I first got here.

“You are under arrest for impersonating the divine creator. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law!”

What? Are they talking to me? Why am I getting arrested!?

“What!? What did I do?” I voiced my question out loud. The guards look at me with anger and some of the people that surrounded us look at me with disappointment.

Huh? I’m so confused once again. Then the guard starts speaking again, “Now you pretend to be clueless of this huge offense!”

“This is preposterous! Get them and lock them up. We will let the higher ups decide on what your punishment will be.”

They suddenly charged at me with their weapons raised.

Seeing this, I quickly made a run for the stairs and started climbing down them as fast as I could, but I was also careful to not fall.

They seem to be catching up quickly, but I’m honestly not surprised. I got tired just walking up them.

They also have been in this city longer than me, probably their whole lives.

They got closer and closer. I do not want to find out what would happen if they were to catch me.

It seemed like there was only one other option.

I run over to the ledge of the stairs and without looking down, I jump.

I felt my stomach float up to my chest and my breath caught in my throat.

I knew if I looked down before I jumped, I would’ve hesitated and may have not jumped at all.

But now I have to look down to see where I’m going to land.

The ground approaches at a high speed. It looks like I’m going to hit the concrete.

Hopefully I’ll only break a bone or two at most. I know that I’m going to break something since I dropped from an extremely high height.

I close my eyes shut as if it would numb the pain, as the ground reaches close.

I fall onto something and I don’t hear the expected crack of bones breaking. It sort of felt like a mushroom, but whatever it was boosted me further away from the beginning of the stairs at a fast pace, past the fountain, closer to one of the side exits. Somehow I landed on my feet. Not giving it a second thought, I ran away from Mondstadt through the side entrance.

…

The news of an imposter that bore the face of the creator spread like wildfire across the whole of Teyvat. Many important figures, including the archons, caught wind of this fake, and search parties sent out on missions find them.

They would not take any person disrespecting their lovely Creator’s name. They hope that catching this person will make their Grace proud of them.

The branded ‘Imposter’ was on the run for over a few days. At least, what they thought was days.

They wouldn’t know, there perception of time is messed up. The days seemed to be going quicker than they usually would back at their world.

They drank water from any source that was available to them, like ponds, lakes, or even potholes in the dirt that contained water. They ate food from the trees or plants they recognized as edible. As well as stealing from the hilichurls when they weren’t paying attention.

They took big risks so that they wouldn’t have to starve.

Going through many different regions trying to find a peaceful please that they can stay without worrying about the possibility of death looming over them as they sleep.

…

I sat on the floor and deeply breathed in and out repeatedly. Trying to calm my beating heart, not sure if it was from being on the run or from the actual running.

I think back to all the characters that looked at me with either disgust, anger, or disappointment, there was no other emotions shown other than those three unless they were accompanied by pity.

Some probably thought that I should just accept death.

That’s what awaited me if i ever got caught by any of them. I won’t let that happen though.

It broke my heart seeing all my beautiful, lovely characters look at me in that way when, to me, I’ve spent long hours and nights with them. I watched them all grow and get stronger.

I would even say that I felt a connection with them. I thought that they would understand me as I understand them.

It may have just been me though, they don’t even know me, although I know all their pasts and backstories.

Even though I felt hurt thinking of the way they treated me and how they feel about me, I could never bring myself to hate them.

I don’t know the reason why they feel that way about me, and why I’m labeled an imposter, but whatever the reason was that they had to treat me so badly, I probably deserve it.

Most of the characters are kind and whatever I did to make them so upset with me must’ve been horrible.

I wasn’t too deep into my thoughts, so I noticed when small yellow dots started to appear in my vision. They looked like fireflies so I didn’t think much of it, since it is night time after all.

But when one of them touched my leg, it didn’t feel or look like a firefly at all.

It was a literal yellow ball, that was extremely fluffy.

…What the hell?

I definitely must hallucinating. That doesn't make any sense, maybe the chase finally got to me. I don’t remember any creatures that looked like this.

When the trees around me started to feel like they were closing in, that’s when I decided that it was time for me to rest my eyes, for the good of my health.

…

[promblums]

"So, why does Naota manage to briefly embody Atomsk? Why is he given ultimate power and freedom, and why does he let it go? It's the literalization of his character arc. Naota starts off disgusted with the "immature" adults around him, and keeps himself aloof from them. But, when Haruko comes into his life, he's enamored with her; her power, her freedom, the joy she takes in each moment of her life. She is to him what Atomsk is to her. But, ultimately, Naota realises what his brother only half-did to when he left for America with barely a goodbye: we have to be true to who we are, but nothing we do happens in isolation. We echo through our community. There's no answer to the question of which is more important. This is why he is able to harness the ultimate power of self-determination, and why he lets it fly off, rather than try to hang onto it."

OK I adore everything about this post but this right here reminds me SO MUCH of the lord of the rings stuff my fan friend has been talking about re the ring and power and how the point is that no one should or can handle it. i'm not explaining it as well as he did but DAMN.

I think more what I mean to say is that Naota being able to handle the symbol of ultimate freedom in the finale is that he comes to understand the difference between assertion of self-worth and absorption by complete self-interest. Early-series Naota is wounded by his brother's lack of regard for the rest of the Nandaba family. Naota clearly admired Tasuku immensely, but when he leaves for America with what seems to be very little notice, Naota can't reconcile how his brother could leave him behind so easily. So, when we first meet him, he's sullen and withdrawn, regarding any sentiment as 'kid stuff' because he's still stinging from having an important family connection cut off with so little apology.

And of course, there's more to it. We see in-series that his brother does write, if not that frequently, and we have to consider the instability of Naota's home life and how trapped he feels in Mabase, but it's a good window into why episode one Naota has become the total opposite of his image of his brother: no self-interest. Won't ask for what he wants. Can't even really conceptualize it, leaving him frustrated and directionless. By the end, he's gone through substantial personal growth. Haruko has shown him how incredible the world outside is, and how grand one person can become if they understand what they want and go after it.

There's a reason he keeps commenting how sometimes, she looks like his brother, you know?

But, just like before, she's shown him how blind that pursuit can make you, and how you can hurt the people you care about in the process. In the last episode, after running through a microcosm of the whole series again but with the benefit of experience, he finally comes to understand this whole "adulthood" thing that's taken up most of the series. You have a responsibility to the people in your life to treat them as people, but you have a responsibility to yourself, too, and neither one truly outweighs the other. That's why he is briefly able to embody the most powerful character in the series. He is finally in possession of himself. Of course, you could also look at the ending through the lens of Naota's feelings for Haruko, but that's an entire other post.

[idy-ll-ique]

See You Tomorrow On The Other Side.

Pairing: Vampire!Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Smut

Warnings: unprotected sex

Requested: nope

based on this prompt.

Summary: Nothing wrong with just wanting a taste, is there?

Author's Note: Hiya peeps! enjoy!

---

Wait, why is it so cold?

Y/N blinked her eyes open, flinching when she felt blinding pain in the side of her neck. Touching it, she found out that she was bleeding. What in the world…? "What the fuck?" she mumbled, moving to turn on the night-light but instead, she heard loud gagging noises coming from next to her on the floor.

She froze. I live alone. And then her instincts kicked in. She started screaming, only for her mouth to be clamped shut by a cold, freezing hand. "Shut up! Don't scream!" a raspy voice hissed. "Who the fuck are you?" Y/N demanded, though her voice came out muffled. "Forget that— why the fuck does your blood taste so gross?" the man asked instead.

Y/N's eyes widened with fear. "My— you— who are you?!" she yelled. "Shush! It's the middle of the night!" the man groaned, "My name is Bucky Barnes, happy?" Y/N huffed, clutching the side of her neck. "And what the fuck do you mean by your blood tastes so gross?" she questioned. "Did I stutter? I mean exactly that. Why the fuck is it so disgusting?!"

Y/N froze for the second time that night. Her first thought was that it was a dream, but the very real pain in her neck and the blood on her fingers suggested otherwise. The man— Bucky— he bit her neck. And that had only one reasonable explanation. "Are you a vampire?" she blurted out.

"Aye, see? Knew you were smart," he beamed and she stared at him, shocked. "Vampires aren't real." His face dropped and he rolled his eyes. "Then how do you explain me?" He flexed and Y/N scrunched her nose in mild annoyance. "First off, you're too annoying. Second— what the hell are you doing in my house?!"

"What do you think I'm doing?! I was hungry! Now answer my damn question— why is your blood gross?" He tapped her on the forehead twice. She blinked. Well, since this night couldn't get any crazier… "I have anemia? I guess that's why. Now you answer my question! Why did you select me to be your food?"

"Because you look like a snack?" he offered sheepishly but she only raised an eyebrow. Bucky blushed a bit; he very well couldn't tell her that he had had a crush on her ever since he had seen her— that was a few months ago. Nothing wrong with just wanting a taste, is there? "Okay wait, come back to you— you have anemia?"

"Uh, yeah? Why do you care? Go away, dude, you got your taste, you didn't like it, now leave me alone!" Y/N scoffed, turning to lay back down but Bucky put an arm around her, pulling her back up. "No, we gotta talk about it. Are you taking anything for it? Supplements, Vitamin D pills…?" Y/N stared at him.

"No," she replied flatly, "Medicines taste bad and I've already come to terms with my condi—" Bucky scoffed harder. "Really? You are a dumbass, you know that? I'm bringing you the medicines tomorrow, and you're gonna take them every night in front of me, got it?" Nothing wrong with being worried about your darling's health.

"Do you usually get this involved with your prey/food?" Y/N deadpanned. "You're not— don't argue! If you're not going to take care of your health, I'm going to have to do it for you," Bucky huffed. "As sweet as the sentiment is, I think the fuck not. Goodnight, Bucky, I will not see you tomorrow." She gave him a sweet, fake smile and lay down.

This time, Bucky didn't stop her. "Dumbass," he muttered under his breath as he stood on the window sill, promptly turning into a bat before flying away into the night.

---

"Hey, welcome home!"

Y/N screamed, almost dropping her bag of groceries on the floor as she whirled around to see Bucky sitting on the couch in the living room, flipping through the pages of a magazine. "Couldn't figure out how to turn on the TV," he muttered as Y/N eyed the magazine. She couldn't help but snort. "Ancient."

"Hey, rude." He narrowed his eyes at her and she narrowed hers right back. "Okay, had your fun reading the magazine? Now get lost or I'll call security," Y/N threatened him and stood in front of him, her arms crossed. He smirked and rose to his full height, causing Y/N's resolve to crumble.

He was much, much taller than her. "Go ahead, do it, baby girl," he whispered tauntingly, leaning in so that their faces were inches apart. Y/N whimpered involuntarily at his sweet scent, slapping a hand to her mouth in horror when she realized what she had just done. Bucky burst out laughing. "See? You want me here."

"Flatter yourself, Barnes," she mumbled but the truth was, she did want him there. The previous night, she had failed to notice just how beautiful he really was; now, she found out. He was also funny, charming, caring and sweet— not bad company. "So, am I cooking dinner for one or for two?"

"You? I'm cooking dinner! And you're gonna eat whatever the hell I'm going to make. Go take a bath in the meanwhile, I'll handle it." Bucky ushered her towards her bathroom and she blinked. "What, I— hey! Wait!" He stopped pushing her. "Why are you cooking for me?"

"Because your dumbass doesn't eat shit it should be eating and instead eats what it shouldn't! You're anemic, and yet I never see you eating food that has high levels of iron in it. You just don't care about your life, do you?" Y/N laughed, pinching his cold cheeks. "You're really cute, you know? Dude, I'll be fine—"

"Okay, how about this? I'm doing this for myself because your blood tastes gross and I gotta fix it," he suggested. "I have a solution: why don't you go find someone else to be your food? Look, my blood tastes bad, so why waste all your time trying to fix it? Get someone else, kill them!" Bucky pulled a face.

"Kill them? You think you'll die if I bite you?" Y/N nodded slowly. "Um, no, sweet pie, you won't die if I bite you. You'll… maybe get sick for a few days, but then you'll be fine," Bucky explained. "What if I don't want to get sick for a few days either? Just go away, find someone else, make them sick!" Bucky pouted.

"You really don't want me to be here?" he whined. "I— Fine! Fine! Cook whatever the hell you want, stay, but on one condition." A huge smile bloomed on the vampire's face as he nodded. "You don't get to bite me, ever." His face fell. "Not even a little…?" Y/N shook her head. He pouted harder. Y/N stared back, unwavering.

"A little, small bite…?"

"Bucky, don't push it," Y/N warned and Bucky immediately raised his arms in surrender. "Now go take a bath, I'm making food." With a small smile, Y/N entered the bathroom, starting to fill the tub up with water as she sat on the toilet seat, thinking back a few hours.

How did this even happen? First, she wakes up to find a stranger on her bedroom floor gagging on her "gross" blood; second, he reveals that he is a vampire and third, he wants to take care of her and wants her to get better. Teenage her, who was quite fond of Twilight, would've loved this dude.

But now? Y/N was still skeptical, but at least Bucky hadn't pulled any sketchy shit. So far, he had been nothing but sweet. "Maybe I can give him a chance," she whispered to herself. She had no doubt about the fact that he was a vampire; he was always cold, had sharp, pointy teeth and she had practically seen him turn into a bat last night.

So yeah.

Y/N was going to allow a vampire to take care of her.

"Oh good, you're here," Bucky called out when she finally walked out of her room in her pajamas. "Smells good, what did you make?" Y/N smiled, sitting down at the kitchen island. Bucky placed a plate in front of her. "Beans. We'll start small. Do you eat meat?" Y/N nodded, eating a spoonful of the beans.

"Mm," she groaned, "These are so good! You're a great cook, Bucky." He rubbed the back of his neck shyly as Y/N beamed at him. "Thanks. My ma taught me, back in the 1500's." Y/N's eyes widened. "How old are you?" she asked with disbelief as she picked up the bread he had prepared along with the beans.

"A few centuries. You kinda lose count after a long time," he laughed. "Were you born a vampire or were you turned into one later in life?" Bucky pondered for a few seconds. "I was born one. My ma and my pa were both vampires." Y/N nodded before looking at him with a curious look. "What do you want to ask?" he teased upon seeing her expression. She chuckled.

"Can I become a vampire too?"

Bucky froze. "Do you want to be one?" he spoke slowly. "I mean, sounds cool, don't you think? Of course, I'm not completely sure, I just— wanna know how you turn someone into a vampire. Can you turn someone into one?" she blurted out. Bucky gulped hard; God knew he had been dreaming about turning her into a vampire ever since he had seen her.

Vampires having relationships with humans wasn't uncommon but he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. And with vampirism comes one boon— immortality. So, if he turned her into a vampire, they could be together forever and always, literally. "I— I can turn people into vampires. All it takes is a neck bite."

Her brows furrowed. "But you bit me last night, am I—" Bucky shook his head. "You aren't a vampire, Y/N. There is a specific spot on a person's neck that you have to bite in order to turn them into a vampire. I didn't bite you there." She nodded and exhaled. "Good. I don't wanna be a vampire just yet, gotta think more before making a decision."

"So in the future maybe, you'll be open to becoming a vampire?" Bucky asked, his hopefulness shining through in his voice. Y/N laughed. "Wanna turn me into a vampire that bad?" she teased and Bucky looked away, an embarrassed look on his face. "I'm not desperate," he muttered. Y/N finished eating her dinner, did her nightly routine and got into bed.

Bucky soon approached with two pills in his open palm, his other hand holding a bottle of water. "Just gulp it quickly and you won't have to taste the pills," he reassured her as she eyed the pills with disdain. Putting her doubts aside, she quickly downed the pills, pulling a face as she did. Bucky ruffled her hair.

"Good job, sweet pie! See, easy, wasn't it? Now get a good night's sleep, I'll see you tomorrow evening." Y/N lay down on the bed, pulling the covers on top of her as she smiled sleepily at Bucky. "Goodnight, see you tomorrow," she yawned and Bucky gave her a huge smile before jumping out the window like he had done the night before; flying into the night as a bat.

---

"Bucky! Are you here?"

Y/N walked into her dimly lit house, confused. All the lights were off, the house lit by candles placed strategically here and there. She could smell roses too. "Hi, sweet pie." A gasp escaped Y/N lips when Bucky walked out of the kitchen. He was dressed in an all-black suit, a suave smile on his face. She stood frozen as he approached her, taking her hand.

He pressed a kiss to her knuckles and Y/N found her voice. "What is this, Bucky?" she chuckled. "Our six month anniversary, sweet pie. Did you forget?" he pouted. Y/N laughed harder. "We're not dating." His smile stayed confident. "Would you like to?" She paused mid-laugh, staring at him through wide eyes filled with disbelief.

"Are you… asking me out?" she whispered and Bucky nodded. "Oh my— yes! Yes, Bucky!" She ran forward and jumped into his arms, ignoring how cold he was as she hugged him tightly, burying her face in his neck. As he stated, six months had passed since Y/N and Bucky became friends and Y/N was quickly falling for him.

He was literally perfect. There was nothing she didn't like about him; she had even gotten over the fact that he was a vampire. "Oh, fuck, I thought it was gonna fail," Bucky laughed as he pulled her flush against him, one arm wrapping around her waist as she other cradled her head. "No way, Buck, I've liked you for a while now."

Both of them walked into the kitchen, where Y/N got another shock. The floor was covered in rose petals; they formed the shape of a heart. There was a bouquet of roses sitting on the dining table as well, between two plates of delicious-looking food. Next to the vase were two bottles of expensive champagne, and two glasses.

"How long did this take?" she whispered, snuggling further into Bucky's arms as she admired the scene in front of her. "A few hours. But all worth it." He pressed a quick kiss to her temple. "The rose heart looks awesome," she grinned, thanking Bucky when he pulled out her chair for her. "Ha, thanks," he laughed.

They maintained a light-hearted conversation as they ate dinner; afterwards, Y/N took a relaxing bath, took her medicines and got into bed. "Bucky," she called out tentatively and he turned to her. "Yes, my love?" She smiled shyly. "Will you stay the night?" Bucky grinned broadly. "Thought you'd never ask."

He stripped down; only in his boxers as he got into the bed with her. Before he could lay down Y/N pulled a pro-gamer move on him and straddled his lap, rendering him speechless. "Sweet pie," he groaned when her lips came crashing down on his. He grabbed the back of her head and pulled her close, kissing her deeper.

Somewhere in the kiss Bucky's hands reached the hem of her t-shirt and he broke the kiss to pull it off of her. Another few minutes in, Y/N found herself laying on the bed stark naked under Bucky, who was equally as naked, his hard length poking at her tight entrance.

"Bucky," she whimpered as he slid home, a deep moan leaving his lips. "Fuck, sweet pie, so fucking tight," he praised, one of his hands toying with her breasts as the other grabbed her headrest, using it as support as he thrust into her repeatedly. Y/N's hands fisted around her bedsheets, the pleasure in her abdomen becoming too much to bear.

"I'm close," she announced breathlessly and Bucky dropped his head, pressing kisses to her face. "I'm close too, just a minute more." Y/N tried her best to hold the pleasure in as Bucky's thrusts started becoming sloppier. "Such a good girl for me," he grunted as he felt himself inching closer to the edge.

"Let go for me."

Both of them let go at the same time, Y/N cumming around him with a soft whine as Bucky shot his load into her with a guttural snarl. "Oh, fuck," he panted as he fell on top of her, both of them out of breath. "Bucky, I— I wanted to ask you something," she whispered shyly as Bucky rolled off of her, only to pull her closer to him. "Yes, darling?"

"I wanna be a vampire."

Bucky turned to look at her, wide eyed. "Are you sure?" She lowered her eyes and nodded. "I— I love you, Bucky, and there's no one I'd rather be with than you. So please, make me— make me immortal." Bucky blinked back tears and cupped her cheek, tilting her chin up. "All mine. My beautiful girl. I love you too," he whispered, leaning in to press a soft kiss to her lips.

He then strayed to her jaw, peppering it with kisses until he finally reached her neck, nuzzling into it for a few seconds, breathing in her scent. Soon, he found the spot— the one that would turn her into a vampire. "It'll sting just a bit," he warned her, "Then you'll go to sleep. When you wake up, the transformation will be completed. Are you sure you want this?"

"I have never been so sure of something in my entire life." Bucky smiled and pressed a quick kiss to her spot before sinking his teeth into her neck; Y/N winced a bit at the sting but overall, felt fine. When Bucky pulled away from her, he was wiping blood off his lips. He then reached down and picked up her t-shirt.

Y/N smiled sleepily as he cleaned her neck, admiring the mark for a few seconds. "Looks good. And tastes much better." Y/N giggled and slapped his bare chest, making him grin. Both of them then lay down on the bed, arms around each other as they closed their eyes.

"Goodnight, Buck."

"Goodnight, princess, see you on the other side tomorrow."

---

A/N: Thanks for reading, leave a like if you enjoyed!

[owo--bot]

Loyal as a Dog // Sanzu Haruchiyo x FemReader

Chapters 1-3

wc: 4k (ish)

Tags: slowburn (the literal slowest), friends to lovers, coming of age, hurt & comfort, fluff, light and dark themes, plot heavy

TW // codependency, they're both semi toxic, underage drinking, obsessive behavior, untreated mental health issues,

A/N: 1. the beginning of this is rough, writing wise but it gets much better PROMISE, but if you see any mistakes in the beginning—no you didn't. (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ)

A/N: 2. This was started before final arc canon / backstory was released so it won't be completely compliant with TR since they keep throwing me Sanzu based curveballs

Chapter One: 0

Loyalty pledged to the right cause equals a meaningful existence. Loyalty in healthy doses, knowing your own boundaries and how far they should be taken.

Where it should start and where it should end. 

But that doesn’t exist here.

I will follow you blindly until the end, no matter where you go or what you become, I’ll always follow. 

No matter what. 

 

2004

 

    “Hey Mr. Sanzu, would ya be sad if I died?” you asked, delivering black words merrily.

Side by side you're accompanied by a tattered boy whose prominent scars rested on either side of his mouth. The blonde walking beside you didn’t appear phased by the strange question, but this is to be expected; he’s been like this as long as you could remember. 

    “I won’t know until you’re dead.” 

Painfully short he offered the worst answer, not breaking eye contact with the bustling streets of Tokyo.

Extending an arm out you shot him a thumbs down, displeasure dripped down your features, “well ya know, my heart would probably fall out of my chest if you died.” 

    “You’re exaggerating again.”  

    You answered with a grin as you trailed off to the edge of the sidewalk attempting to keep your balance as you walked. It only took a few moments for you to trip.

    “Watch.” 

Sanzu snapped, grabbing your arm until you could regain your footing. Your eyes widened watching a car fly by. 

    “Thanks Boss, nice save.” You clapped.

    “Pay attention.” He scolded, flicking you on the forehead before he continued walking.

    You brushed off the slight sting before following behind him. “See I knew you cared.”  

Sanzu ignored your statement as you began rambling on, “Hmm… But now that makes two.” You spoke, scrunching your brows. 

    “What are you going on about now?” He asked, sounding as though he’d been at his daily limit with you.

“Ya know. Two people that I owe.” A grin crept to your face as you looked towards the blonde. “Don’t worry, I'll repay ya one day.”

“We’ll see.” Sanzu answered doubtfully.

 

It's only fair, I'll save you. 

Chapter Two: Forever and a Day

I wanted things to stay like this forever.

 

There was a chill in the air as the floorboards creaked beneath a tattered futon. Arms and legs poking out beneath an assortment of blankets, every so often shifting your position. Incoherent words fell from your mouth, drowned out by a yelling neighbor who could care less about the thin apartment walls. It was only a matter of time before the room was filled with the clitter clatter of remaining neighbors readying themselves for the day.

Light filtered through the blinds basking over the shabby living space— currently occupied by two. One of which was not pleased by the current situation. Shoving a hand off of his face he let out in a low voice.

"Can we go one night without you ending up on top of me."

But the voice met deaf ears as you continued snoozing away, taking up the space of two futons messily shoved together.

"Hey, wake up."

The voice barked, leering down at your groggy expression.

"Early riser, as usual, Huh Mr. Sanzu." You yawned.

Propping yourself up and shooting a guilty smile at the sight of your sleeping arrangements, you felt the familiarity of blue eyes piercing into you.

"Ah, I'm sorry I'm sorry! I don't know how this keeps happening." Your hands shot up defensively, guarding yourself against the annoyed gaze of your roommate.

"Well, you know the penalty."

Sanzu stood up dismissively as he vanished into the bathroom.

"Okey-dokey!"

You shot up eagerly folding the futons, attempting not to inhale the abundance of dust being released. Upon hauling the mattresses into the closest you turned to rumble around in what minimally resembled a kitchen. The appearance of rust had begun coating the exterior of the refrigerator some time ago, you tugged on the handle revealing– not much. It was barren other than the presence of a few eggs left in a carton.

"This is… Fine!"

You smiled pulling out the remainder of food, this was a penalty that you wouldn't mind carrying out forever.

"Hey, your hair's getting kinda long. Want me to cut it?"

You stared at the blonde strands of hair that'd begun draping above Sanzu's shoulders. A smile took shape on your face, cutting his hair was something you'd always loved doing–

"I'm letting it grow out."

Sanzu answered, pushing his empty plate across the table signaling for you to clean it. You sat perched upon your seat, your typical silly demeanor fell from your face while pushing his plate back over to him.

"Ya don't like the way I cut it anymore?"

Push

"I didn't say that I just want to grow it out."

Push.

"Are ya gonna to tell me not to cook anymore next?"

Push

"What does that have to do with anything?"

Push

"And then once I'm not useful anymore you'll leave me."

"Don't make it short."

Sanzu shoved his plate over towards you one last time.

"'Kay! I'll just trim it."

A smile returned to your face, finally picking up the dish and hopping to your feet.

"You get stubborn about the weirdest shit."

Sanzu rolled his eyes as his gaze fell to a clock fixed upon the wall.

"It's almost time to go."

"Okey-dokey, time how fast I can get ready."

Setting down the dishes to dry, you zipped into the bathroom, closing the door with a bang.

The entire walk had been a balancing act, as your heels clicked with each step upon the black asphalt. You took baby steps in the unusual apparel, the dress you'd been wrapped up in just barely met the requirements of 'clothes'. With streets seeming to grow thinner as the pair approached their destination.

"Do I look cute?"

You giggled, as your legs continued to wobble; feeling as though you were relearning how to walk. You'd fallen several times by now to which Sanzu noted 'if you didn't want to fall you shouldn't have put them on until we were closer to the meet-up spot'. But by this point, you'd seen the shoes as a game more than anything.

"You're not supposed to look cute."

"Sorry, sorry, then do I look mature?"

You smiled in hopes of being praised.

"Not when you're walking around like that."

Sanzu directed his eyes at your legs, once again pointing out how you couldn't walk in them.

"I'll get it eventually, besides! Next time I think you should be the bait. You're pretty enough to."

"Not possible."

He answered, pointing to the scars that tugged at either side of his lips.

"But I think they're cute-"

Thud

You fell forward, feeling a slight sting trace along your hands.

"Are you okay?"

Sanzu looked down at you, reaching his hand out.

"I told you to take them off."

Nodding, you unclipped the straps taking hold of them in one hand as you reached out letting Sanzu help you up. After brushing yourself off, you began picking out the small pieces of asphalt from your palms before you began walking again.

"I'm gonna to be able to walk in these things one day."

You smiled holding up the pair of heels. It wasn't an over-the-top goal but it was a goal nonetheless. Truthfully you'd hoped you could've figured them out by now but–

"They're probably just too high for you," Sanzu pointed at the heel. "Try a shorter one next time."

"Okey-dokey!" You beamed.

Coming to a stop, Sanzu reached his hand out and pointed:

"There."

Of all the seedy motels you'd seen before, this one took the prize of: this-is-where-you-go-once-your-life-loses-all-meaning. A tackily lit sign reading: Red Pansy, a paint job that needed to be done ten years ago, a worn-out banner reading: low daily and weekly rates.

Yeah, this definitely seemed to be the kind of place you'd take a middle-aged man to get one-off for a cheap buck, or that's how he'd interpret it at least.

"Oooh, good pick!"

"I'll be here."

Sanzu looked over towards an alleyway, bags of garbage were sprawled out within the close walls. Reaching towards his back he gripped the handle of a wooden bat he'd kept stashed in his bag.

"Ya got it, boss!" You saluted.

Choosing to ignore your last statement Sanzu ducked down among the piles of garbage. You wouldn't say you were envious of the hiding spot he'd chosen.

You rehearsed your lines, thankful that your destination was a straight shot there and back. Putting your poor sense of direction into account, that alone could've had the potential to derail the entire plan.

It wasn't long before your gaze fell upon a man in his mid 40's, not breaking eye contact with the watch slung around his wrist. You checked the street sign above his head, which indicated without a doubt: it was him. Taking one last deep breath, you raised your free hang and called out.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to keep you waiting."

"No, no I only just got here."

The man's manner of speech was formal, so much so that you wouldn't be surprised if he tried selling you something on the spot. You also found it odd he was wearing a suit. Do guys always wear this kind of thing when meeting sex workers? Or maybe he just got off work?

"If you're ready I have our reservations booked." You smiled, bowing your head slightly before guiding the meal ticket behind you.

"Did something happen?"

The man smiled, pointing at the pair of heels interlocked with your fingers.

"Oh yeah that... One of my heels snapped on the way over, sad right?"

This is an act.

"I'll pay you for new ones once we're done, how does that sound?"

"Wow you're so kind, I'd love that."

This is an act.

"How old did you say you were again?"

"Eighteen."

This is an act.

"Eighteen you say? You look much younger than that, not that I'm complaining."

"Night night."

You smiled, waving your hand at the man.

Crack

Chapter Three: I Don't Know You

I don't know you, I'm not quite sure if you're a good person or a bad one. The version of you I know makes me sick. I could even say you asked for this. But the version of me that you know must be on a whole nother level, huh? Cursing a person you don't even know the name of, maybe in the moment you even wished death upon me. But that's okay.

Your wife may love you, your parents may love you. Do you have children? I guess you could say they love you.

But at this moment I can't help thinking.

You deserve this.

"Night night."

Crack

Meeting his gaze, the man's eyes became clouded with confusion as his brows hitched. Sanzu emerged from the alley, weapon raised above his head. In a matter of seconds; the bat came down hard, making contact with the back of the man's skull.

Shock spread throughout his body as he tipped forwards clutching his head. Your body moved before your mind as you brought your leg up, launching your foot into his stomach. There was an ear-piercing silence that filled the air, before hearing the man slam down into the asphalt.

"Hah…"

You let out a faint laugh mixed with a sigh of relief as you looked down upon the incapacitated body. No matter how sure the methods had been, going through with something like this was incomprehensible to the typical civilian. But that wasn't to say you were absolutely confident things would go as planned. There was always the risk that the victim could be equipped with a gun or weapon while factoring in adults undoubtedly won in the strength category. So yeah, it felt pretty damn good to come out on top.

Adrenaline continued flowing through you as you knelt, guiding your trembling hands to search the man. Sanzu accompanied you as his hands made quick work of sifting through every pocket. The only noise to be heard was the sound of rustling fabric and the hushed inhale and exhale of each breath. Attempting to break through the silence, Sanzu pulled out a leather wallet from one of the pockets.

"I got it–"

Is what he tried to say but a firm hand reached up violently grabbing him by the neck.

No.

It took you a moment to process that this incapacitated meal ticket just woke up. Sanzu winced, feeling the man's nails dig into his skin.

The man just barely conscious slurred out, "you scrawny mother f–"

Desperately clinging to one of the heels laid out beside you, the shoe made splitting contact to the side of his face. Immediately you latched onto Sanzu's hand, yanking him up and taking off down the desolate road.

All you were capable of was trying to level out your breathing, shifting into a random alleyway that seemed far enough away from the previous location. Your feet stung from the abundance of gravel and stones you'd treaded on along the way.

"Hurry up and get changed."

Sanzu ordered breathlessly, placing the backpack on the ground next to him, turning away as he slipped the wallet out of his pocket.

"Okey-dokey!"

You answered still in the process of catching your breath, you began pulling the extensions, fake eyelashes, along with the other various accessories you had equipped stuffing them all within the bag.

"Is your neck okay?"

You asked as you began slipping out of the dress, feeling immediate relief being freed from the suffocating clothes.

"Yeah."

Sanzu answered as he began pulling out wads of money from within the wallet.

"All done!"

You crept over Sanzu's shoulder checking how much money the two of you had secured. It was… Wow. Was this guy insane? Who carries this much cash on them? Your eyes widened at the sight of bills in Sanzu's hand.

"We should be good for a while. Here."

Sanzu stuffed the wallet back into his pocket as he turned towards you, wiping your face off with the sleeve of his shirt.

"Hey!"

You squirmed as he continued pressing his sleeve down along your face.

"You're bleeding, and it looks like your nose is broken. Take a deep breath."

Your shoulder stiffened as Sanzu brought either side of his palms around your nose.

"Breathe out."

"Wait!-"

Tears formed in your eyes as you felt his hands tighten, bringing them down in a straight line, you bit down on the inside of your mouth trying to breathe through the pain.

"That should be good for now."

You were in too much pain to reply, but you knew it didn't make sense. When could you have broken your nose? During the fight, that man didn't so much as lay a finger on you so when did-

"Don't think too hard about it, everything happens pretty fast."

Sanzu rubbed his neck, marked up by evident bruising.

You nodded, wiping the tears from your eyes, your face was still left with a throbbing sensation as the two of you re-emerged from the alley.

Sirens could be heard in the distance as you continued walking, feeling the cold pavement beneath your feet.

"What do you want to eat?"

"I want sushi!"

"Too expensive."

"You're a cheap date huh, Mr. Sanzu."

You put down the takeout on the table, heading straight to the bathroom as per Sanzu's orders. Sitting on the edge of the tub you winced as the boy bandaged your face, lastly giving you two cotton balls to stick up your nose.

"And to think I looked so cute earlier."

You spoke sounding somewhat nasally, staring in the bathroom mirror at the splint partially covering your nose.

"What a pain in the ass."

Sanzu tsked, as he began cleaning out the scrapes around his neck. As you watched, the idea of pressuring him into taking up the occupation of a back-alley doctor floated around in your mind.

"At least it was worth it right."

You leaned forward with a grin, recollecting the amount of money that'd fallen into your hands; even if it was by force.

Politician beaten and robbed: suspects are a woman estimated age of 18 along with a male likely similar in age. Details of the woman's appearance are listed below, while there are still no specifications on the accomplice. If you have any information please call the number below.

[mermaidxatxheart]

Better Together Chapter 6

ok, I know it's been a while. I'm sorry for the long time in between posts. I'm working on several stories at once, or at least trying to, while also trying to get accustomed to a promotion and new job responsibilities at work. Thanks to everyone who's stuck with me. I really appreciate you all. My work is no to be reposted anywhere without my permission.

Pairing: Poe Dameron X Reader

Word Count: 4.9k

Warnings: Violence, panic, Poe being soft, Bryce being a dick. I think we can just assume that will be a permanent tag.

Series Master List

Chapter Five

You try to sit up with a strangled scream, but you end up bouncing your head off the plastic dome monitoring your vitals.

“Hey, it’s okay.” A voice to your left says. The voice is… familiar, but it’s not the one you really wanted to hear. But at the same time, you’re grateful you don’t hear that voice.

You roll your head to see Bryce, your boyfriend. He’s your boyfriend. He won’t hurt you. You can relax.

Why aren’t you relaxing?

“You’re safe now. Back home where you belong.” He says gently, reaching for your hand. You flinch away and he frowns, pausing.

“S-sorry.” You rasp, closing your eyes.

“It’s cool.” He lifts the dome and moves to get your clothes at the foot of the table. “Come on. Get dressed, we’ll get you something to eat.” He says, setting them next to you.

You try to speak again, but your voice is just as rough, only this time you don’t know if it’s from being quiet for so long, or the raw emotions destroying you. You clear your throat painfully. “H-how’s Poe?” You ask, nearly stuttering over his name.

“Dameron is fine. Been annoying all the women ever since he got back.” Bryce rolls his eyes. He doesn’t catch the way you shrink in on yourself as you sit up.

So, Poe doesn’t...want to...see you. The words struggle in your mind. He’s… he’s probably trying to forget what you did to him. No wonder he doesn’t want to see you.

“Can you step outside so I can get dressed?” You ask quietly.

“Babe, it’s not like I haven’t seen it before.” He says and you lower your head. “Fine. Just, don’t take too long. I’m starving.” He says, walking out and shutting the door loudly behind you. You jump at the sudden snap of it and squeeze your eyes shut.

You can’t handle the commissary right now. It’s always packed full of people, loud, claustrophobic. You carefully get dressed, trying not to notice all the new marks on your body. You’re careful of the fresh stitches covering your arms, legs, stomach, and back. Careful not to pull the bandages holding you together.

You’re dressed faster than you want to be, stepping carefully out of the room. It still doesn’t feel safe, it feels like you should be hiding. You tug the long sleeves down further, wishing you had more to cover you.

“Come on.” He slings his arm around your shoulders and you tense as the weight settles on you. “I missed you.” He says softly, but you don’t feel comforted by his words. They turn to ice in your veins. He practically has to drag you along, your nerves stretching and spiking with each step, with every noise.

“I-I’m not hungry.” You protest, trying to dig your heels in. You can hear the loud room from here.

“Y/N, you have to eat.” He says firmly.

“N-n—“ you stammer, trying to push away from him. He sighs and scoops you up over his shoulder, carrying you along easily. Pain flares through you as your stitches pull. He’s not careful with you. Either he doesn’t know, or he doesn’t care. You try to struggle, you don’t care if he drops you. At least then you could get away.

“Y/N, I swear to the Maker, stop struggling. These are your friends. They want to know you’re okay.”

“What if I’m not?” You snap, the fear boiling over. You want to go to your room. You want to hide. You want to be alone. You want Poe.

He stops and considers for a minute before continuing on. “You can’t hide forever, Y/N.”

“Bryce, please, please!”

He walks inside and sets you down none too gently in a chair at a table full of people. “Look who’s finally awake.” He says loudly. Your teeth jar, biting down on your tongue from the abrupt impact.

There are five whole heartbeats where everyone is just staring at you. Something claws its way up your throat in the eerie silence, and then everything just explodes.

Voices, chairs moving, hands touching you, patting you on the shoulder, or touching your leg. The lights get too bright, you can’t see anything. You feel like they’re all climbing on top of you, too much weight. You can’t breathe. You try to suck in a breath, but it’s like your lungs won’t expand.

You bolt.

You’re not proud of it, but you shove through all the people and fly for the door. Blind twists and turns down hallways you don’t remember seeing, and couldn’t remember in the moment. You can barely hear your name being shouted behind you, but you can’t stop, can’t look back. You just know you’ve ripped stitches in your thighs, and stomach. You don’t care. Your only thought is escape. Hyper flight mode.

A hand grabs you from the darkness, pulling you in and pinning you against the wall. You fight, slapping and hitting against your assailant as you sob, gasping raggedly.

“Y/N! It’s me, stop it!!” Poe shouts, grabbing your wrists. “It’s Poe, it’s me. Stop.” He says, holding your hands against his chest until you stop fighting him.

You think you gasp his name, your legs give out on you and you sink to your knees in front of him, sobbing. He doesn’t let go of your wrists, just loosens his grip. Relief washes through you as you realize who it is.

“Breathe. Just breathe. Big, slow breaths for me, sweetheart.” He whispers, slowly kneeling in front of you.

“P-Poe—“

“I know. Sh, it’s okay. I’m right here.” He wraps his arms around you tightly, hugging you to him.

He shouldn’t be doing this for you, not after everything you put him through. Guilt roils through you, choking off your air. You start to pull away but he doesn’t let go. His fingers braid in your disheveled hair and you can’t help but sink into him a little more.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there when you woke up. I wanted to be.” He exhales in a rush, burying his face in your hair.

“Why—why would you want that?” You hiccup, keeping your face away from him.

“Because you’re my best friend? Why would you think I wouldn’t want to be there?”

“B-because,” you try taking a deep breath.

He seems to realize that you’re shivering on the cold ground. “Let’s get out of here. Do you wanna go back to medbay or your room?” He asks, easing you out of his arms and standing up.

You hesitate, suddenly not knowing how to ask him to stay. It’s selfish, you know it is, after everything you’ve put him through, to want him to suffer even longer.

“I don’t think I was actually discharged.” You mumble, pulling yourself to your feet on your own. It’s a massive effort.

He makes a noise in the back of his throat and steps to the door. He looks up and down the hallway before looking back at you. “It’s all clear.”

“I don’t even know what part of the complex I’m in.” You admit, dropping your head back. In the forest, you knew exactly where to go. But on a planet you’ve called home for how long? You’re lost.

Useless.

“Okay. Come on.” He holds out his hand and you’re so tempted to take it. But you don’t. Instead, you walk to the door with him and carefully slip out without touching him. You’ve done enough damage.

He follows after a small minute and leads you down the hallway. “You never answered my question.” He starts suddenly and you look up at him. His face has too many cuts, a deep bruise under his eye, a split lip. It hurts you to look at him. More guilt.

It’s your fault.

You could pretend to be ignorant. Not remember the question to stall for time. Claim sudden hearing loss. But you never could lie to him, and you don’t want to start now. You know exactly what question.

“I didn’t think you would want to be there. Not when this whole thing is my fa-fault.” You mumble, your voice cracking on the last word. You hate yourself for putting him through this. You hate yourself for feeling like a damsel in distress and not being able to fight back the way you should have.

He stops walking and stares at you. His forehead crinkled in confusion.

“You think—“ he starts, his voice incredulous, but is promptly cut off by a medical droid beeping angrily at you.

“Yeah, got it. Back to bed.” You mumble, taking one last look at a stunned Poe before following the droid the rest of the way.

The droid gets you back into a medical bed, looking almost as if it wants to restrain you to keep you there. You clutch your hands to your chest, not wanting to be restrained.

“I won’t go anywhere.” You promise. The droid beeps and rolls away, the door sliding shut behind it. You cross your legs and lay back, wincing at the pull in your ribs. On the list of things that hurt, the ribs are kind of low. But they’re drawing the most attention at the moment. The droid comes back after a moment, making quick work of fixing your stitches, hopefully for the last time. It rolls away and you’re left in agonizing silence. You stare at the ceiling, counting the cracks.

The door opens again and Leia walks in. You freeze, wondering what she could possibly want from you. Poe’s words flash through your mind. Do you think Leia is sobbing uncontrollably right now? She certainly looks tired, but not necessarily like she was heartbroken that you were gone for… for… you can’t remember how long you were in that place. You break out into a sweat. What else have you forgotten?

“Y/N,” she starts solemnly. “I’m so glad you’re back with us and awake.” She sits on the edge of your bed and you don’t know if this is protocol or not. Is it normal? You don’t say anything, you simply wait for her to continue, she’ll get to her point eventually. “Poe told me about what happened, I’d like your report as well, whenever you feel up to it. I know you must still be exhausted.” She says.

So, all business.

She probably didn’t even notice you weren’t there.

You nod once. You can be all business, too. “I’ll have it for you by tomorrow.” You say and she blinks.

“I didn’t mean—“

“You need it. You’ll have it.”

“Poe told me you were incredibly brave.” She says, watching your face as she speaks. She’s clearly looking for something.

“He—“ you cut off. You had been about to say that he exaggerates, or was lying. But then she would think that she can’t trust her most loyal commander. She slowly arches an eyebrow as you struggle to think. “He’s too kind. I was terrified. Did more harm than good.”

“Hmm. Well, in any case. I know you’re still healing. Bacta is useful, but it can’t heal everything overnight. Get some rest.” She stands up. “And,” she pauses and turns back to you. “If you need to talk, about anything at all, I’m here to listen.” She says pointedly. You nod once and she heads for the door, stopping only long enough for it to hiss open.

You slump back against the pillows, gritting your teeth against the sudden pain. It’s odd how sometimes you don’t feel it at all, and other times it’s all you can feel. You feel like you’ve been going nonstop for days and days. You need to think, to rest. You need to stand up to Bryce next time. You’re not just a scientist, you’re a damn good pilot-only second to Poe, and you’re one of the best shots on base. He can’t just push you around like he did.

You need to think, sort out what was real and what was panic. You close your eyes and try to hold as still as possible. The faces are the faces of your friends, this isn’t some First Order trick. They aren’t trying to hurt you.

But… then… Why was Poe shouting when he got off the ship? Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. Maybe you really are losing your mind.

The door hisses open and you jerk upright, instantly grabbing your side. Bryce tosses his jacket onto the chair next to your bed and crosses his arms, turning slowly to glare at you.

“Was that fun for you? You made me look like an idiot out there.” He snaps and you want to hurl something heavy at his head.

“I don’t want to talk to you right now. I’m tired.” You say, wishing there was a more final way to say that, like shutting a door in his face.

“You just slept for three days!” He shouts, throwing his hands up.

“Get. Out!” You shove yourself off your bed, ignoring the screaming pain in your ribs and back. “Get the fucking fuck out! I told you I wasn’t kriffing ready but you didn’t fucking listen. You never fucking listen! I just want some peace. Maker!” You shove him backwards through the door, bouncing it off its track. You feel the pop in your wrist, burning hot pain flares up your arm. “For once in your life, try to see things from someone else’s perspective.” You snap, going back into your room.

“Whoa, hey. I’m sorry, okay?”

You pick up the heavy decoration on the side table and throw it as hard as you can. If he hadn’t moved his stupidly perfect head, it would have hit him right in the face. Unfortunately, he does move and it crashes into the floor behind him, breaking into pieces. Good, more ammo for next time.

“I don’t want to hear your apologies! I want. To be. Alone!”

He holds up his hands and backs down the hallway. You walk around to the other side of the bed, sinking to the floor so that no one will see you. Your hands are trembling as you try to breathe. Your sides begin to ache for another reason altogether, and you realize you aren’t even breathing because you’re trying not to cry.

You let out a ragged gasp, covering your face in humiliation. Rocking forward, you rest your face on the ground, letting yourself hurt with every silent sob. You deserve all the pain. A curious beep reaches your ears and you cover your mouth, forcing yourself to keep quiet. You know, somewhere in the back of your mind, you need to get your new injuries checked out. You definitely did damage to your wrist. You feel a droid roll to a stop next to you, but you're not under control yet.

They beep softly again and nudge you with their big round base. You lift your head to see the familiar orange and white pattern of Poe’s droid, BB8. He rotates his lens up to look at you, and somehow, despite being metal and made of parts, he shows sympathy, worry, concern. He wants to know if you’re okay, if his friend is okay. Your vision goes blurry as your eyes flood with tears all over and he rolls forward, nestling right against your chest. You grip his headpiece, lowering your forehead against it and resting there, shoulders shaking and stomach cramping from the uncomfortable position. But you can’t bring yourself to move just yet.

***

Your head slips to the side and you jerk up, hitting your head against the edge of your bed. BB8 looks up at you, bless his circuit board. He would have stayed there with you for hours if you hadn’t woken yourself up. You wipe your tears and drool off his head.

“Sorry, buddy.” You whisper, voice not wanting to go higher than that. “You should get back to Poe. I’m sure he’s looking for you.”

His head tilts, question unasked in the quiet air.

“I’ll be okay. Thank you, for checking on me, I mean.”

He beeps a rapid-fire and rolls away in search of his master, or is friend a better description at this point? You twist, pulling yourself up and seeing Bryce sitting on the floor in the hallway. His eyes are closed as he rests his head against the wall.

With a sigh, you page for a med droid to come in and check on you. You lay back on your bed, closing your eyes while you wait. You didn’t mean to fall asleep on the poor droid.

Your wrist is checked out and bound. Already on the edge of breaking, shoving your stupid boyfriend pushed it over the edge. The droid tsks about not getting it taken care of right away before wheeling away.

“Can I come in now?” Bryce asks from the hallway.

“No. I’m still mad.” You reply, rolling over. It’s cool in here, settling in your bones in an unfamiliar way. You reach towards the end of the bed for a blanket before you realize there isn’t one there. With a huff, you get up and look around for one with no success.

“What are you looking for?” He asks, pushing himself up with a quiet grunt.

“A blanket. I’m freezing.” You reply, digging through the supply locker in the room.

“I’ll go get you one.” He turns around and disappears, leaving you to settle back down. You can hear those familiar beeps coming down the hallway and that voice you’ve come to depend on since you were taken follows it.

“Yeah, buddy, I know. Always rubbing it in.” Poe sighs.

Bryce comes back, spreading a heavy blanket over you before stepping back awkwardly. “Thanks. I’m sure you have something you need to be doing, Bryce. I’ll be here.” You say, more gently this time and he presses a tender kiss to your forehead.

“I’ll come see you after my shift. We’ll talk then and you can yell at me all you want, okay?” He promises.

You nod, laying your head down on the pillow as he leaves. You can see his shoulders tense as he sees Poe coming towards him. You can hear the little droid beeping in outrage but Poe shushes him.

“Is she awake?” He asks.

“She’s resting. You shouldn’t be here, anyway. Haven’t you done enough, Dameron?” Bryce snaps.

What? No. He’s not to blame! You are!

“Bryce. Go to work.” You call and he looks over his shoulder at you, unable to get rid of the coldness completely before he turns on his heel and storms off.

Poe waits until he can’t see him anymore before coming into your room. “Hi.” He says after a minute and your lips twitch.

“Hi.”

“Have a good nap?” He asks as BB8 chirps next to him.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to keep him here for so long.” You mumble.

Poe snorts. “He’s not sorry, bragged about it for at least ten minutes.” He rolls his eyes and you scoot over on the bed carefully. He eases himself down and takes your newly bandaged hand. “What happened?” He asks with a frown.

“I wasn’t careful. Typical me.” You scoff derisively.

He’s quiet for a long time, his handsome face going through a wide range of emotions as he traces the outline of your fingers. The feeling of it is relaxing, soothing you. Everything about him is comforting, just like he’s always been. Even though you don’t deserve his compassion, his forgiveness.

“Poe,” you start, capturing his hand, even though you could conceivably let him keep doing that forever.

“I have so many things I want to say to you.” He starts, his voice crumpled.

You take a deep breath and nod, steeling yourself for the inevitable. It’s going to hurt, it will break your heart, but he should say it. Tell you he hates you for kissing him, for distracting him, for getting him caught, and all the terrible things that came after it.

“You sa-said before that this is all your fault.” He starts, his eyes very firmly on your hands wrapped around his.

“Because it is.” You answer and his beautiful brown eyes squeeze shut.

“How can you even think that?” His voice cracks and you’ve never seen him so close to tears before. This is the man that’s perpetually in a good mood, everything is an opportunity to make you laugh. Even in the face of certain harm, he’s making jokes.

“Poe, I distracted you. I—“ you glance at the door to look for potential eavesdroppers. “In the river, I ki—“

He covers your mouth softly. You could easily pull his hand away, but you don’t. “We were on a planet where the most dangerous thing was supposed to be a giant butterfly. There was no way to know, no indication of anyone else being on the planet. You didn’t do anything wrong, sweetheart.” He says. You can hear the sincerity in his voice, but you can’t stop the feeling that he’s wrong. You did everything wrong. “And… we don’t have to… to talk about that thing in the river… if you don’t want to.” He stammers, scratching at the back of his neck.

You want to. You want to do it again. But you can’t. Your fingers flex in his before pulling them back against your torso, cutting off all touch with his warm body.

“Leia came to see me earlier.” You change the subject without giving him an answer. You’re not ready to close the book yet, but you can’t open it yet, either.

“Yeah. I gave my debrief.” He says, sounding a little deflated.

“You lied.” You correct and his head snaps up.

“What?”

“You told her I was brave. That was a big, fat lie.” You say and he rolls his eyes.

“You’re impossible.” He takes your hand again. His touch is feather-light, soft, and delicate as he strokes the back of your hand, following the length of your fingers.

“I don’t think she cried.” You say suddenly and he looks up at you.

“Come again?”

“You asked if I thought Leia sobbed uncontrollably while we were gone. I don’t think she even got a stuffy nose.” Your voice turns dark, your secret angry thought slipping out before you can stop it.

“You think she didn’t care?” Poe asks.

“Did you find out how long we were gone?”

“Yeah. Three weeks.” He says, practically choking on it.

“Two weeks over what we were supposed to be gone. You don’t think that’s odd? She didn’t send anyone after her best pilot?”

“Y/N, she has a lot of different responsibilities, to more than just us. We had no contact with anyone prior. How would they have found us? They didn’t have our information yet. They would have been just as lost as we were.” He reasons.

“Ground exploration on a new planet should have more than two people. No matter how good one of them is.” You pull your hand back, angry now.

You don’t want to be angry, not with Poe, of all people. But you can’t stop yourself. He’s rolling over and playing lapdog for his perfect princess, same as he always does. Your cheeks burn with anger.

Hurt crosses his face, his hands suspended where they were. “Both. She sent two of her best people. She sent you, and me because we work so well together. Because we could get it done much faster, quieter, better than anyone else on this base.” He says and your heart wavers.

You don’t want to cause him any more pain. You take a shaky breath. “I’m sorry, I think I just need sleep.” The words sound stiff, forced.

“Do you want me to stay?” He asks, but you shake your head.

“No. I’m just gonna catch a few hours and then get to work on the report for Leia.”

“No, I already did that.” He corrects.

“She asked me for one.”

“I debriefed so you wouldn’t have to go through it again.” He clenches his hands. “I’ll take care of it.” He promises.

“I don’t mind. It might give her a better idea of what a rotten liar you are.” You say, trying to joke.

“I didn’t lie.” He huffs, leaning down and pressing the softest kiss to your forehead. “I’ll leave BB8 with you if you need anything. Come find me when you wake up?”

“Promise.” Your voice cracks at just the wrong moment and he stills, looking down at you.

“I can stay. Just like in the cave.” He offers.

“Go away.”

He gives your hand a gentle squeeze and stands up. “What happened to the door?” He asks.

“I shoved Bryce through it.” You admit and he breaks out into a grin.

“That’s my girl.” He praises before walking through it.

You have to stop yourself from calling him back, from begging him to stay with you. It’s not that you don’t trust anyone else here, they are your friends. But, Poe would understand. He knows what you went through, he understands what it was like. He won’t judge you for being upset. When you lost your temper with him just now, he didn’t get mad, he talked you down.

No, Poe Dameron understands better than anyone what emotions you’re going through right now. He goes through them on a daily basis and has for a long time.

***

You can’t look at him. Every time you do, another wave of guilt threatens to drown you. You kissed him. You kissed him. You have a boyfriend back home, missing you and you went and kissed your best friend. And worse, got said best friend captured by the enemy.

Now, he’s furious with you. Hasn’t said a word in hours. You can’t remember the last thing he said. Did he shush you? Was it your name? You can’t remember. Tears blur your vision as you try to twist your face away from him.

“Shit. Y/N,” he starts. “Hey, it’s gonna be okay. I’ll get us out of this.” He promises.

And just the fact that he thinks that’s what you’re upset about is blindingly frustrating. And that he feels the need to fix your fuck up.

“Why don’t they just kill us?” You ask, forcing the tears not to fall.

“They probably want information on the Resistance.” He clenches his jaw. “Y/N, I never wanted to have to say this to you, but no matter what they do to you, you can’t talk. You can’t tell them anything.” He pleads.

You nod. “Okay. I won’t say anything.” You promise weakly. The idea of being tortured is so out of your realm, you don’t know what to expect. But Poe seems to know something at the very least.

He curses again and you look back at his face. “I promise. I promise I’ll get us out of this.” He thrashes against the metal restraints on the upright table and you worry he’s going to hurt himself.

“I’ll be okay, Poe.” You whisper, but he squeezes his eyes shut.

The door behind you opens and a StormTrooper walks in. You can’t tell if it’s one of the same ones from the forest, but it doesn’t matter. This one is carrying a tray with a cloth covering it.

“Ready to begin?” He asks, voice modulated to fit your nightmares. “Where is your base of rebel scum?” He asks, slowly removing the cloth and picking up a thin blade. He turns towards Poe, sliding the knife under the silver chain around your partner’s neck. His mother’s ring, beautiful as it glints in the light, slowly rotates into view. Poe struggles slightly, giving his restraints another hard yank, but he gets nowhere. The stormtrooper curls his fingers around it, tugging and popping the chain free. He tosses it into the dank corner and it disappears from view. Poe snarls until the trooper lifts the glittering knife again and turns his helmet towards you. You can feel him studying you, sizing you up.

“I said, where is your base of rebel scum?”

Poe looks over at you, and you can see the worry in his eyes. Will he start with you? Or with Poe? When neither of you answers, he turns and slashes out at your best friend. You cry out, thinking he cut his throat, but instead, there’s a small cut on his cheekbone.

“I haven’t got anywhere to be. Let’s begin again.” He says evenly and your stomach clenches uncomfortably.

***

You sit up with a ragged gasp, clutching at your face. Blindly, you find the medical droid and sign yourself out, grabbing the blanket and heading through the halls for the one person you want to see. BB8 rolls after you, chirping quietly. You feel for the chain in your pocket, the weight of it is comforting.

You knock quietly on the door. It’s so late, you shouldn’t be here. The door slides open and he's there in front of you, exhausted and very much alive. He holds out his arms and you step easily into them, heartbeat finally settling.

Poe.

He walks you back inside and lays down on his bed without a single word. No teasing, no jokes. Just him being there for you like always. You wait until he’s comfortable before crawling into bed next to him and laying down, your head resting against his chest.

“I’m sorry.” You mumble.

“Sh. Go to sleep. I’m here.” He says gently, his big, warm hands rubbing your back.

Chapter 7

Everything Tag List:

@everythingisoverrated @psyched2b @shreddedparchment @bitsandbobsandstuff @after-avenging-hours @alexblrus @thinkingsofamadwoman @i-dont-want-to-be-called @thefridgeismybestie @fortheloveofallthatsholy @crazychaotic @pleasureoftheguiltiestvariety @redstarstan @justreadingfics @themistsofmyavalon @sebastianstanslefteyebrow @wkemeup @thiccbinch @glide-thru @elliee1497 @ellaenchanted91 @part-time-patronus @janeyboo @scarlettwitcher @thirstybitchqueen @stuckonjbbarnes @barnesandco @geeksareunique @nicoleplacee @lexshead @gambitsqueen @lokisironthrone @imanuglywombat @also-fangirlinsweden @ravenesque @murdermornings @countryrockmama @starbuckie @kato-ptris @mandos-crest

Star Wars Tag List:

@bookishofalder @doctor-warthrop @acrossthesestars @waterpancakeao3 @generousrunawaydonut @eclipsedplanet @general-latino @marvelobsessiononastick @itsdameron @mads-weasley

[mooniefics]

— the hands that beckon me

pairing : zeke jaeger / reader

word count : 1.9k

tags : emotional hurt / comfort, relationship discussion, pillow talk, insecure zeke :(

summary : zeke is finally home, on a brief layover from the war, and you both finally get around to having that tough discussion you've been putting off for far too long.

— originally posted 1 / 21 / 21 on ao3 —

"what do you do while i'm gone?"

your skin was still hot from being pressed over his when he asked, thrumming with a warmth you hadn't felt yet craved so deeply for months. you turned to face him from your place on your back in bed, pressing into his side, peering curiously at his profile. you'd missed seeing him like this, out of his ironed, pristine uniform, hair messy from your fingers running through it, sharp features warmed with the flush of passion, unobscured by his glasses, eyes and voice sleepy and relaxed rather than alert and tight with self-awareness.

"what do you mean?" your reply was soft, almost playful to counter his matter-of-fact delivery, reaching out to draw your fingers across his firm, bare chest.

"i mean what keeps you busy? what do you do for fun?"

>readmore<

the war with the mid-east allied forces had been dragging on for just about two years now, and there seemed to be no end in sight, but after the marleyan army managed to snatch a victory from the jaws of defeat on foreign soil, the news came to your internment zone that the soldiers would be returning on a brief layover as the countries' political leaders decided whether or not they'd be willing to smooth things over in a more peaceful manner.

this afternoon you had been there at the gates with his grandparents, barely able to stand still beside them as all three of you waited wordlessly with baited breath, balancing up on your tiptoes, straining to peek over the crowd to catch a glimpse of him. while others were stood by with looks of unmasked dread—men with clenched jaws and stiff shoulders, women with tears brimming their eyes, children tugging at sleeves and already crying with impatience—you felt an uncontainable joy. it was humbling to look around at all the panicked faces, to remember that not every family had the luxury of your confidence, the almost guaranteed certainty that the one you loved would return. but you couldn't help the blinding smile that broke out across your face as he ambled through the crowd, tired, well-kept, but looking warmly down at you and his family.

you had let him to greet them first, they were his blood relatives after all, but only after he'd finished giving his grandmother a tight hug and exchanging affectionate words did you allow yourself to throw your arms around him, burying your face into his shoulder and breathing in his rich scent of gunpowder, pine, just a faint hint of cigarettes, melting easily into his strong embrace. you and zeke had wandered back alongside the older couple to their home, sharing a calm, easy dinner where zeke relayed what information he could to them about the status of the ongoing battle, but you were just itching to have some time to yourself with him.

you'd spent hours cleaning your quaint little home a few streets down, agonizing over every little detail despite how you knew he didn't mind whatever state it was in, just that you were there. and as soon as you'd both said your friendly goodbyes and made it through the door of your home, he was pulling you along to the bedroom, legs having memorized the path of weaving through the living room and kitchen and down the hall to the door on the left.

he was impatient, as he always was when he was tugging you out of your clothes, but sensual all in the same when he pressed his lips onto yours, murmured soft, longing words in your ear, hands squeezing and grabbing, reacquainting themselves with your soft figure. you both didn't last long—how could you when you were so eager—but felt satisfied all the time after everything was said and done, lowering back onto the mattress, flushed and panting, a faint sheen of sweat shimmering over your skin. his question just now had puzzled you. it was simple, but you knew it hid something deeper, he'd never asked something of that nature in all the time he'd been coming back and going away.

"well.. not much really. i go to work at the jewelry shop, have tea with your grandmother on thursdays, wander around the market if i feel up to it, help mary from down the street with her boys if she needs it."

you faltered at the mention of her, not remembering whether you'd seen her husband when you'd met with zeke at the entrance to the zone. you forced yourself not to frown. how selfish of you, you didn't even bother to check on her before you allowed yourself to be whisked away for the night.

he seemed to notice your sudden dismay, wrapping a comforting arm around you as he spoke, "you mean aksoy?" you nodded. "he made it back on the train alright. drunk off his ass, but alive."

you breathed a small sigh of relief, offering up a small smile at him. "good to hear."

and though his lips curled back in a similar expression, it didn't quite reach his eyes, and you only felt further perturbed by how his gaze briefly flickered elsewhere. "why do you ask?" you prompted, fingers trailing up his neck to rest at his jaw, gently turning him to face you again.

"just curious, is all.."

you could sense that he was lying, but about what you didn't quite know. "come on, zeke, we've known each other since we were kids. you don't think i know when you're hiding something?"

he hummed, the corners of his eyes creasing as an easy, genuine grin graced his features. "i apologize for underestimating your lie detecting skills."

you couldn't help but giggle softly at his words, thumb stroking over his warm cheek, body fitting perfectly against his. he was really here. finally, after all this waiting, he had come back to you, even if only for a few weeks that would surely fly past in an instant.

"i don't really know how to say this.." he seemed uncharacteristically sheepish, grey eyes traversing over your face, onto a far wall of the room, then up to the ceiling for a brief moment before it finally wandered back to you, "i guess you could say it started with me feeling a bit guilty, leaving you here all by yourself."

"i can bear the wait, you know that. as long as i know that i'll get to see you." for now, came the silent addendum.

he had three years left, barely a quarter remaining in his term, but you didn't broach the topic, and he seemed just as content putting off the discussion as you were. your relationship was easy, in a sense. there was never any squabbling over when the two of you would move in, or when he would retire from his position and settle down, milestones such as marriage and children were never issues. but there were days where you wished they were, though you'd never admit it.

just like how you'd never admit to the warm burn of envy that sparked to life when a man came into the shop you worked at searching for a ring for his partner, a spark that inevitably gave way to a cool emptiness settling deep into your chest, swallowing up your heart and balling an uncomfortable lump in your throat by the time you'd helped him choose out just the perfect jewel and sent him on his way.

"i know that, but," he swallowed, licking his lips, "sometimes i'm afraid that you're getting bored."

"bored?" the word felt strangely odd on your tongue, your own eyes blinking at him.

"bored." he reaffirmed, frowning slightly as he continued, "you see other people your age—our age—every day, don't you? when you go to the market, when you're at work, hell, even when you're spending time with your friends, you see people with lives, with structure." you knew the exact words that were coming next, but the impact of them hurt all the same. "people who don't have the thought of how time is running out hanging over their head."

it was you who turned away this time, feeling your lower lip tremble, eyes suddenly watering despite how you wished not to cry. all those complicated feelings you'd pushed down in favor of relishing in your feigned ignorance, of pretending that zeke was just a normal soldier with normal duties who was just lucky enough to come back each time. you'd always politely brushed your friends off when they'd pestered you of the absence of a ring on your finger, asking when you'd have children of your own rather than always being there to help them take care of theirs, you swept their concerns aside with a rehearsed smile because you didn't want to come to terms with the fact that you wanted those things for yourself.

the pill of zeke's looming mortality was hard enough to swallow on its own, all without mentioning how the love you shared was so rich yet so fleeting, fruitful yet futile all at once. you had no words to offer him, but your silence seemed to be enough of a reply, a forlorn, almost remorseful look settling over his handsome features.

"perhaps— perhaps you should search for someone else." you felt your stomach knot and twist, sorrow bubbling up like a geyser from below, biting at your cheek as to not let your shaky breaths spill from your mouth, "you're beautiful, it would really be no trouble at all for you to find someone—someone who can give you a good life. a fulfilling life."

"but.. there's still time left, isn't there?" your voice was quiet, thick with restrained tears, "there's still time for us."

"it isn't fair to you."

"it wouldn't be fair to you either if i left now." your brows knitting together, expression strained as you felt warmth trickle down your face, dripping down your chin onto his shoulder. "do you want me to leave?"

he looked away, hesitating just enough to make more droplets bead at your lashes before he shook his head, drawing a crooked finger across your cheek to catch a few stray tears. again, that disdain at your own selfishness came. he was worried for you, ruminating own his own impending death, trying to soften the blow of it for you at the expense of his own happiness, yet all you could do was cry at the thought of parting with him in any voluntary way.

"you're the one i want." you whispered, sniffling, "i knew what i was getting into at the start of all this, the things that i would miss, the things i would have to give up on, but they can wait. i can't be without you, not if i know that i can spend a single moment longer like this, loving you."

the sun had sank low in the sky, light abandoning the two of you in the dark of your room, alone with your shared, trembling breaths, his frown and distant eyes, your tears and imploring gaze. you felt weary in many ways as you allowed yourself to settle back onto his chest, closing your eyes at the feeling of his arm tightening its grasp around you, holding you close, a silent plea to stay just as you were.

he didn't speak, not another word of uncertainty exchanged, but you knew that he understood. he was here, and as long as that was the case you would always wait, keep turning down the hands that beckoned you, rescind your domestic desires for the sake of clinging to this one rare, importunate, lovely thing you had—clinging to him.

[flowerflamestars]

I'm in a very angry-with-the-IC-and-Rhys-in-particular mood, and since I'm just rereading Daylight I was wondering, what is going through Rhysand's mind throughout the events of Daylight? Because it's basically his entire life CRUMBLING around him and I'd love to see the mental gymnastics he does to fit it all into his "I'm the good guy, actually" narrative. Or just his general reaction.

this is a FABULOUS question, thank you!

Daylight! Rhys is, in my opinion, the closest to a canonical (pre-acosf) character representation that I go for. He's so SO fucked up, and sublimating and burying all that trauma has, of course, failed, and it's all manifesting, in all these different directions.

To understand the level on which Rhys is losing his shit, it's important to go back to the very beginning: Rhysand, to Rhysand, is always, always the hero of the story. The down on his luck knight with truth in his heart. The struggling, just man.

He CANNOT seeing beyond himself for even a second. He casts himself in the most important role, as the only person whose personal consequences exist.

His mother, at probable great risk, takes him to Illyria to be trained- the precious, first-born, godly son of Night. To learn to fight- to learn, presumably, her culture- to see what that culture is reduced to, a harshness he will on day have the power to change. Rhys had to be, at some point, a great hope for Not High Fae denizens of the Court.

What does Rhysie learn? Illyria is harsh. Illyria is bad. Backwards and cruel.

He hates his father for...presumably, the crime of being a pretty traditional High Lord? Rhys hates the cruelties! the Court of Nightmares! the broken system!

So what does Rhys do when he has power? he fires everyone. He doesn't like them, he doesn't like whatever they did under his father...so instead of hiring new people, he removes himself entirely from a potential role in changing/mitigating those policies. See also: the Court of Nightmares, cowed occasionally, but not in any way governed by Rhys.

But he's the hero! He's destroyed the oppression! His Court of Just his Bros is made of women and Illyrians!

(Rhys removed the terribleness from his direct experience...because only his experiences matter)

So, Rhys in his head: the struggle, the hero, the man just trying to do it right.

Which brings us to Daylight....and Feyre. I know we can attribute the way the characters stop even remotely being sympathetic between acomaf and...everything else...to poor writing, but I also think there's some (maybe accidental but PERFECT) character work there: in acomaf, pre-acknowledged bond, Feyre is an important possession/ally- she's on the same level as the other members of the Court of Dreams, if the jewel of the collection, a high point in the story Rhys tells himself: HE saved the HERO OF PRYTHIAN

(which...let's not even touch on the fact that the deal he makes in acotar is CREEPY and he can only justify it later. she wasn't someone he wanted to work with in acotar- she was a vulnerable, hot young woman he fully took advantage of)

And then they're mates.

And then, slowly but surely, Feyre's personhood disappears. For two reasons: 1) Feyre is on a pedestal so sky-high it blots out everything. Good, pure, true hero Feyre whose adoration Rhysand needs like air. the happy end of his story, the prize and the salvation, the one who sees him.

and 2) ultimately, to Rhys, Feyre is an extension of him. A symbol: his happiness, his peace, his endless power, what he fought to keep.

She's his whole anchor staying sane, which isn't great, considering...ya know, everything. But the Story is Over. They are Happy.

Except- except- nothing is over. Post fifty straight years of torture, a freefall into war and fuckery, teen marriage and literal death, the consequences for all those things AND THE SHIT RHYS WAS PULLING LONG BEFORE AMARANTHA TURNED HIM INTO A CHEW TOY, are still present.

But now, he has something to protect. His golden future. His puppy Mate.

Because Feyre's safety is the safety of his power and vice versa. Anything he does is justifiable because the loss of Feyre is Not an Option. She is Happy. They Are Happy.

It bleeds into everything- and then it intensifies, because this is the breaking point.

The Az/Lucien thing and Feyre incredibly hurtful blindness? No Rhys isn't going to interfere- Az is so private anyway- if Feyre believes its a romantic bond, Feyre is right, she knows her sister, not that it matters because Elain is totally out of her mind.

Sending Cassian to Illyria? Illyria is a backwards shithole right? They're fierce fighters and that's what Rhys values them for- as the hammer of his power- and nothing else? why would there be anything else? Look at them fighting and hurting each other.

Nesta runs and Cassian is left throwing himself in battles actively trying to die and Rhys? Rhys is totally smug. A problem that hurt Feyre and his brother is GONE.

But it's not gone. Az isn't talking to anyone- and Rhys thinks this probably means Lucien is probably, finally fucking him- but even Feyre understands that Azriel knows where Nesta is. When this is proved (when Elain surfaces and they have the very fun kitchen fight) Rhys isn't happy- but he understands. Azriel has always felt responsible for broken things.

But thats not his job, it's Rhysands job, and Rhys has already made that tough choice for the safety of his own: Nesta has no place here. When she resurfaces inevitably, broke and wanting something, Rhys will stop her before she gets close enough to upset (hurt) Feyre. It's his job.

Cassian goes missing, and Rhysand sets upon what will become his eventual move: Illyria's value is strength. (a martial strength that belongs to RHYS). But they think they can take from him? They can destroy their own best chance? (Rhys recognizes Cassian's value to Illyria even while, you know, ordering him to slaughter Illyrians) They would threaten his power? hurt his family?

Rhys will not allow a world to exist where Feyre can be hurt.

If Illyria can't be controlled, Illyria will be put down, like the rabid creatures they are. (They were always backwards, Rhys thinks. Freeing my mother was the one good thing my father ever did)

But Cassian lives.

Rhys asks Azriel if he's been cursed. Az laughs in his face.

And Cassian is a terrible enemy to have. The strategies the loyalists are using? His, filtered through Rhys. The magical contingencies? Cassian and Az, trying to prevent bloodshed.

Feyre thinks, for a long time, that maybe the rebels have Nesta. What else could compel Cassian to even care? these people keep trying to kill him. they want to kill Rhys. the brothers suffered in the frozen mud at the hands of these monsters, what is Cassian doing?

And then the massacre happens.

And Feyre sick to her stomach, cries when she hears. Rhysand thinks about a little hazel eyed boy who'd never had a bed, a present, who'd been nothing until Rhysand plucked him up- a little boy who'd grown into a dangerous man, who'd just killed every person who ever contributed to his pain. Rhys thinks, knowing he'll have to punish Cassian for this, that it's over.

The camp lords are dead, it has to be over.

(Azriel hears and understands- because he knows damn well Cassian was something before Rhysand, and after despite him. That beneath those repeatedly broken ribs is a heart that was once so big so save him, grown strong enough now to save everyone who was like them: forgotten, abandoned, used.)

It's not over. The mountains are burning. Banners fly on northern wind in a language long dead. They're singing, the spies say, they call him dawn. Loyal-heart-as-dawn.

It's Cassians name. Not that Rhys, who never knew more than a few vile insults in the language of his mother's ancient, proud people, understood it then.

Rhysand, the long-suffering hero of his own story, has been betrayed.

He can risk no more- it's time to end this madness. It's Feyre's idea to use Elain- it's Feyre who is left crying, a betrayal Rhysand will never forget- when Elain, who they've given everything, Elain, perhaps just as broken and wretched as her eldest sister, refuses to help keep Feyre safe.

(Elain refuses to participate in what she sees as genocide, but as we've established, what consequences exist? the ones Rhys feels right in front of his face)

Azriel, Elain, and Lucien run.

Of course, if both Feyre's sisters are capable of betraying her, of course, both of Rhysand's brothers would as well. They are one in the same, aren't they? Marked by destiny, by fate for this hard and terrible work- of course it hurts. Of course- but Rhysand will stop it from hurting Feyre any more.

There's one force in the world that can stand in truth against Illyria. The Darkbringers- their ancestral, ancient conquers.

(Yes, I do think Rhys knows the shitty, shitty history of his court! He just doesn't care! He didn't do it. He's different. He's in Velaris with the common people. He has wings. He's not his father.)

(He is, in fact, far worse)

When he thinks of it, it seems perfect. Illyria will be destroyed- a loss, but a safe one. Keir, will, almost certainly, also be destroyed or at least critically weakened.

Rhysand will stand alone, the man who was willing to do anything for peace. He will rule over an emptied playing field, secure in a world where Feyre is safe.

The Hewn City empties, the armies march- Rhysand holds tight Feyre's hand, says nothing about the fact that nothing, nothing, will stop Keir from killing anyone in front of him when battle starts, and reaches once more for Cassian's mind.

His brother, his friend, his loyal right hand- he begs him to come back. To come home. That they can put down this rebellion and in his love for Cassian everything can go back to how it is meant to be, all of them together.

It does not occur to him to address the hundreds dead. The system he was complicit in and responsible for that ground a culture to dust and ash- what matters is brother against brother should never have turned, and Rhys, in his kindness, will offer Cassian this last chance for honor.

Rhys doesn't want Cassian to die- he wants Cassian by his side- but he will drown the world in blood before he'll lose his crown and hope and Feyre.

And when Cassian dies, falling to the earth in Rhysand's arms, Rhys thinks of penance.

A circle closed.

But of course- Cassian wakes. Death is not done with her right hand anymore than the contract between Lordship and land in immutable. Cassian brought the magic back, brought Illyria back.

Rhys is fighting for something personal- Cassian is fighting for a whole world and future, with everything in himself.

When the new border is drawn, Rhys doesn't despair- sure he's shaking, he's covered in Cassian's blood, his twelve thousand year old walls are smoking and the whole world smells like fucking Nesta Archeron- he's been the victim of curses before.

He won't let it keep him down. He'll be fine. He has Feyre, they're safe. Illyria is going to implode- and maybe, maybe, he'll save some of those that remain when the violence is too much, when they need a real High Lord.

They'll come home. Just like Feyre's sisters will. Rhysand's brothers. They fought for peace and Velaris has it- it is their home.

It's what they fought for, the happy ending, and it's all worth it.

It has to be worth it.

[applejongho]

cherry on top | choi jongho

genre: fluff, realistic fiction, humor

character: starbucks employee!jongho

description: Jongho has an interesting run-in with a Karen during his shift at Starbucks.

word count: 2k

warnings: mild swearing

author’s note: jongho as a coffee barista was swimming in my mind for quite some time, so here he is. 

masterlist here!

There was something about that coffee stain on Jongho's employee shirt that made it impossible to get rid of. It was likely the mix of the ingredients that had stacked the receipt when it was printed, but Jongho couldn't help but feel she had somehow planned this as he scrubbed harder with bleach.

Jongho wouldn't have guessed the day to turn out as it did, but maybe he should have. Working with the public was always a gamble, but Jongho's optimism blinded him. Most customers were nice enough. Most customers gave a smile when he handed them their overpriced coffee. There weren't too many comments about his red and black hair, and he could shrug off all of them. The compliments were what he remembered.

The day started off normally - with Jongho's coworkers nudging him towards the mound of bagged coffee beans. "I could do it myself, but you just do it quicker, you know?" One of his coworkers had whined, twirling a piece of curly hair around her finger. "It" was picking up the bags of coffee beans to put into the grinder, and Jongho didn't mind it.  As he slung a bag over his shoulder with ease and glanced at her, he could swear her face flushed. Perhaps it was just the sun. The sun hit her face like that when he broke apples in half with his bare hands too. It was strange how the universe liked her like that.

After his bean tasks, Jongho took to the drive-thru of the coffee shop. He was told he had a nice voice, but he doubted he sounded that heavenly through a cheap speaker that hadn't been changed for five years. Nonetheless, Jongho enjoyed doing the drive-thru and taking orders. When there were multiple drive-thru lanes open, he would challenge his coworkers to see who could get through orders the fastest. This caused him and his coworkers to resent vans - vans almost always meant there was a large order - a sure loss, unless Jongho's fingers could learn to dance very quickly on the ordering screen.

Taking orders via the drive thru took up his morning, and then he was released for his lunch break. His coworkers had become accustomed to bringing him apples for the sole purpose of him to break them. He didn't mind, and it allowed him to be more comfortable with his coworkers because he could sometimes be shy. "Is that why part of your hair is red?" A coworker had asked him one day after he had broken multiple apples in a row. Jongho shook his head.

"No. Just red," he shrugged, ignoring his coworker's eyebrow raise. "I just like the color red." He thought he looked good with it.

But not everyone agreed - there were some customers that liked to point it out, like he had never seen himself in a reflection before. "You missed the roots," an older woman had told him at the register and gestured to his hair. Jongho added fifty cents to her order.

But for this day in particular, his hair was the reason for his downfall. For the latter half of the day, Jongho would be at the register. He yearned to be in the bar making drinks because it could become so mindless at points, but he was placed in front of the register before he could say anything. He assumed it was because he was the longest working employee out of the staff today, and Jongho vaguely remembered a newbie was working with him. He guessed the manager didn't want them at the register. The register wasn't much different than the drive thru, but there was something about actually seeing the customer or touching their cash or credit card that made it not enjoyable for Jongho.

About an hour into working at the register, Karen walked in. Jongho saw her and his stomach dropped. She looked exactly like a Karen should look: bobbed blonde hair with caramel highlights that were too dark, opaque and round sunglasses, an obnoxiously pink phone case, and a tacky red American flag shirt that said something about how America was blessed. Jongho knew he shouldn't judge people so quickly, but he had dealt with this breed of women before. He had to brace himself for the worst and the unexpected.

"Hello, ma'am," he said cheerfully when Karen got to the front of the line. Her dark sunglasses obscured her eyes, but she was clearly paying attention to her phone instead of him. She suddenly realized she was in Starbucks and lifted up her glasses. She took one look at Jongho's name tag.

"Hello, John," she said, and Jongho had to bite his tongue to keep from making a noise.

"Jongho," he said.

"John," she continued, and listed off her order, Jongho begrudgingly typing it in as she spoke. It's not that hard of a name, he thought to himself as he kept typing. Why was Karen's order so long? Jongho kept translating her vegan, dairy-free, blood-of-firstborn, extra-expresso venti iced coffee into the system until she stopped talking, and even then she wasn't done.

"So is everyone your age just dying their hair like that?" Karen said without prologue. "I'd never let my kid dye their hair like that. It's so unprofessional."

"Thank you," Jongho said, dodging the question and not wanting to provoke her. He hoped his cheeks weren't also red. "Here's your total. Cash or credit?"

Karen pulled out her purse, but not without clicking her tongue in annoyance. "You all really should lower the prices. It's too damn expensive."

Then make your own, Jongho wanted to reply, but he held his tongue. "I wish I could," he said with a smile. Karen frowned in return, and, without warning, dumped her entire coin bag onto the counter. Jongho yelped and scrambled to keep flying pennies and quarters from rolling off of the counter. In the corner of his eye, a coworker ogled Karen.

"I used the bills to buy my groceries, so I'll pay in coins," Karen yawned while Jongho threw himself onto the floor to make sure no coins had reached there. He got up, plastering on a fake smile. He hadn't had a customer like this in a long time, but if he could just get through her, everything would be okay. He reached for her quarters first and began counting dollars. He knew for a fact that his manager wouldn't have tolerated this kind of behavior from a customer, but Jongho knew he could be too soft at times. Besides, her jangling keys on her wrist glimmered and showed off their sharpness. He swore he saw her teeth glimmer as well.

"Hurry up," Karen said after a few seconds. "Count faster."

Jongho considered shoving pennies into her eyes. "Certainly," he said, and tried to pick up his pace. He could feel her eyes burning on his neck as he shoved the change into the cash register. He pushed her receipt over to her and eagerly began with the customer behind her, glad to be ridden of her.

But his escape was short lived. He heard a whine from the corner of the store and knew it was the Karen immediately. He was currently helping out a different customer, but there was no one else in line behind them. He'd deal with it after the customer if things escalated with Karen.

"Are you sure you made this correctly?" Karen snarled at Jongho's coworker, her nostrils flailing. The coworker looked like she wanted to sink into the floor. "This doesn't taste like how it usually does. Make it again."

Jongho wouldn't have done anything - customers asked for drinks to be remade frequently. But this was Karen, and upon further inspection, this was the new employee that his manager had talked about. He couldn't leave her hanging, it would be rude as an older and more experienced employee. Jongho finished ringing up the final customer and went over to Karen and the other coworker.

"Cherry head," Karen growled, and Jongho only raised his eyebrows. That was a new one.

"I'll make a new one, ma'am, sorry," he said, taking the drink from her. "I'm sure you were fine," he muttered to the worried coworker and was pleased to see her smile.

Iced coffee wasn't difficult, and with the lack of new customers Jongho took the time to make sure the drink was entirely accurate. It's not that she deserved a drink, it's that he wanted her out of the store as soon as possible. He even had the temperature right, and gave it a perfect dairy-free whipped cream swirl at the top before handing it back to her.

Karen ogled the drink for a moment, looking back and forth at the cup and Jongho. Then she threw the drink at him.

The whipped cream top hit Jongho square in the face and he could taste it. Then came the slow and cold trickle of the coffee down his apron and shirt underneath, and at that moment, he was so glad she hadn't ordered anything hot.

"I said I didn't want whipped cream!" Karen bellowed, but Jongho's choir practice had made him desensitized to loud vocals. He wiped the whipped cream from his face and looked at Karen straight in the eyes.

"Get out," he said coldly. "There's a Dunkin across the parking lot. They can have your coins." He paused for a moment, and then his mouth twitched upward. "My name is John, you can write me up if you want. I don't care."

"I will be," Karen growled, red-faced and clutching her purse at her side like Jongho was going to reach out and nab it. he couldn't believe Karen thought that she was the victim here when Jongho had a new fluffy white beard adorning his face.

"John's right," a third coworker said, coming from behind. He could vaguely hear his laugh under his voice. "We don't tolerate harassment on our employees. You're the one that could end up in trouble."

Karen stared daggers at this new employee, and Jongho was surprised she didn't jump over the counter to tackle him. "Good riddance, I knew Starbucks was going downhill anyway." She gave one last snarl at Jongho, who fluffed up his hair at her glance, before walking out of the Starbucks.

The three employees were silent, and then Jongho felt a towel touch his arm. "Oh my God, Jongho, I'm sorry," the third coworker said.

"I don't think I've ever been drenched quite as much as I am now," he said, accepting the towel. He began to dry himself off as best he could, but he knew his face and clothes were going to be sticky for the remainder of the shift.

"I think there's another apron in the back," the new coworker said, and then scurried off to get it before Jongho could say anything.

"I'm just glad it wasn't her that got absolutely wrecked by coffee," the other coworker murmured. "I think she might have cried."

Jongho nodded, still drying himself off. It was a terrible feeling, the coffee all over his skin and clothes, but now that she was gone, he couldn't help but smile. It was comical, how insane the public could be. "I hope John gets hell for what he did," he smiled.

"Absolutely," the coworker agreed, laughing. The new coworker arrived back with the apron, which Jongho gratefully took.

"Give me a minute to clean up," he told the both of them before going to the back to inspect the wreckage on his clothes and face. It could have been better, but it also could have been worse. He licked a part of the whipped cream that was near his lips and grimaced at the flavor. Despite it all, Jongho was amused at the situation. It kept him on his toes. It would be a funny story to share at a party. Jongho wrote a note in his phone to re-dye his red tips when he got home. Then, smiling, he returned to work.

[mr-entj]

Hi, Mr-Entj! Have been following your blog since my high school years, and I'm on my final year of university now. I hope you're well. I have a question for you: a few years ago, someone asked if you'd describe falling for your wife as "love at first sight." To which you replied that it was more of "soul recognition." May I ask: how far along into the relationship were you in before you realized that, and do you have any general advice on when it comes to the pacing/speed of relationships, and how to know if you're rushing?

Thank you so much! I hope you and the rest of your loved ones are safe. Your blog's really helped me throughout the past few years, and I find myself coming back here a lot (this is actually my 3rd ask!) :D

I hope you're well too.

To your question: we clicked instantly after the first conversation but I didn't know I wanted to marry her until we finally met in person and I confirmed my intuition. Keep in mind we were both in our late 20s/early 30s when we started our relationship and this accelerated how fast we moved. We both had already graduated from college (and graduate school), both had moved out of our family homes, both were deep in our careers, both were financially stable/independent, and both had significant relationship experience under our belts. We already knew the kind of qualities we wanted in a partner but also the kind of shit we weren’t willing to tolerate. We had a lot of data to make an informed decision about each other.

That's the key for relationship pacing: do I have enough empirical data to make an informed decision about this person's personality, qualities, habits, traits, and values? 

Not gut "feelings" or "vibes" but concrete evidence backed by a track record that supports it. If they say they’re ‘great with money’, then let’s open up finances. If they have a ‘strong work ethic’, then let’s see it in action. If they have ‘a lot of ambition’, then let’s see what they’ve attempted and accomplished in life. People often lie and misrepresent themselves to make the best impression so always check their words against their actions. It's less about exact number of days, weeks, or months, and more about the breadth and depth of information.

You’re rushing when you’re entering new phases of the relationship without being equipped with enough information to navigate them. For example, thinking of moving in together? You should ask about:

Financial responsibility: Do you know how the other person manages their money? Do they have good credit? Can they pay rent on time? How will you split the bills?

Lifestyle compatibility: Are they a night owl or an early bird? Are they clean? Are they loud? Will they have people stay over the place? Who will do the cooking? Cleaning? Do they smoke? Are you okay if they do?

Rushing would be signing a lease without knowing the answers to these questions, it’s effectively flying blind.

Beyond the realm of hard facts, always listen to your gut when it’s telling you something’s off. If there’s a mismatch in energy, pace, and boundaries, then pump the brakes and think things over. No one who truly cares for you should push you beyond your comfort level before you’re ready. 

Statistically speaking, you’re going to fuck up your first few relationships because you won’t know where those invisible lines are. I’ve been there, my wife has been there, and most everyone else reading this has been there too. You won’t get it perfectly right on the first try so don’t be too hard on yourself, but listen to your inner voice when it speaks to you.

[ginkgomoon]

Hello there! I hope everything is going well with you. (・∀・)

I have some questions. In CH 30 & 32 the Time Observer mentioned about the "price being too heavy/dear" & he mentioned that he never expected for Victor to choose that method to prevent the crisis. I was wondering what price is he talking about & what's "the method" he mentioned? & Victor collapsing in CH 32 was not from hitting the bullet I believe. What exactly happened there?

Also...I don't know the details but I think I saw it somewhere that Victor goes through different timelines & dimensions for 10000 years in the later part of the story...? I remember reading it in a R&S that every time he crosses a dimension he'd experience soul crushing pain... The mere thought of doing it for so long honestly made me feel traumatized. I was hoping you could give me some insights as to what exactly he was doing.

I hope I'm not bothering you with tons of questions & they made sense. Thanks a lot in advance! Have a good day! <3

Hello!!

Thank you, you too! :)

I hope I helped answered your questions here. It's quite long, so enjoy the read!

I did Victor’s Time Observer analysis and I’ll be heavily referencing that post to help answer this particular ask. Big thank you to @cheri-cheri and @ey8508 for help clarifying some of my thoughts concerning Victor this chapter! Spoilers down below! ⏱

“With great power comes great responsibility.” -The Peter Parker Principle

We all know Victor bears great power, but also with that comes great responsibility. He is the sole individual who has the will and power to alter time and space, however this develops drastic consequences to his health and to history- all for his love for MC.

Victor doesn’t care about this price- he is more concerned with whether he can prevent the death of the girl in every unpredictable future.

“The person who can save the world… is not me, but her. As for myself, I know my ending line and how much pain I can bear better than anyone. I would rather take such a risk.” -Chapter 35-36 Rumours and Secrets

Chapter 30-6

Victor is seen to be flanked by bodyguards on Adagio Street. Moments later, in a pure white space, we see the Time Observer addressing Victor.

I stood in the centre of the street, looking hesitantly around, but I was unable to spot that familiar figure.

In the dead of the night, from the distant horizon, there seemed to come the sound of a mechanical little violin.

In a boundless, pure white space, the music would be at time peaceful and solemn, and at others somber and mournful. After the final note, that pair of tightly-closed eyes opened.

The Time Observer looked at Victor, neither showing surprise.

That pale white hand brushed lightly over the violin strings, and his gravelly voice spoke up with the pluck of the string.

TO: “The natural rules of operations no longer supply. This world… in memory is a turbulent past and in imagination, there is no serene future. She should have stayed in that world. Her return was a mistake.”

Victor: “If you’re still here that means we still have a chance.”

TO: “A chance that comes at such a heavy cost. Is it really worth it? You will soon understand, in some things, you are doomed to helplessness. Try with all your might, and yet, it remains out of reach.”

Victor: “I won’t let her die again. No matter when."

This will foreshadow future events such as in Chapter 32, where Victor shows a demonstration of this.

Chapter 32-6

Amidst the scattering glass shards, I saw a number of bullets flying towards me.

Only one thought ran through my mind.

Am I going to die?

Chapter 32-8

In the darkness, a crack suddenly splits open, and a blinding light appears, obscuring my sight. My heartbeat practically came to a standstill, the pain I expected never came. The blinding light disappeared, instantaneously replaced by darkness.

Time seemed to pause for a second.

The pitch black bullets, the fractured glass, the car in mid-air…

And then it fell all heavily to the ground.

And in this moment, Victor challenged “fate”, or rather, the “natural rules of operations”, stated by the Time Observer.

I reached out and grabbed the black clothing fluttering before me. Even my voice was trembling.

MC: “Victor…”

I looked in a daze at the man before me, at those fierce eyes beneath his wind-blown hair.

He was looking back at me, as if trying to etch me into his eyes with his deep gaze. But there was another emotion hidden within as well.

After confirming he was unharmed, I let out a sigh, then looked anxiously into his eyes.

MC: “What are you doing here?”

Victor: “Do you have any idea what you’re doing?”

But this time, his voice was flat.

MC: “I’m sorry… but I know exactly what I’m doing. I’m not unaware of the danger… I must simply stay and stop them.”

I hastily wanted to get Victor out of danger, but his feet were planted firmly. I looked up, to get a look at his expression.

His voice was steady, stopping me in my tracks.

Victor: “I see.”

MC: “You really believe I can stop them?”

Victor: “I said before, even if you don't trust yourself, always trust me. I won’t do anything I'm not sure I can handle. Go what you think needs to be done.”

He patted the back of my head lightly, with a hint of tremor in his voice. He didn’t ask me or stop me, as if he already knew the choice I’d made.

So, while the STF agents and runaway Evolvers were battling, MC was literally going to die at that moment. But Victor enters- using his Evol to stop time, ultimately stopping the bullets and MC’s death.

I whirled around, hoping to catch sight of him.

MC: “Victor!”

I wanted to tell him I’d done it, that I really had prevented this crisis.

A faint worry floated up in my chest. What about Victor?

Medic: “Someone, come quick! There’s another person here!”

I turned and hurried to the end of the bridge.

I then quickly found him.

Ringed by a crowd of people, there he was, the person I would recognise anywhere.

It was…

I halted my steps for a moment, then ran to him without hesitation.

I broke into a panic.

Chapter 32-10

Victor… What happened to him??

I pushed the crowd aside and frantically ran to him.

His face was pallid, eyes squeezed shut, his hair plastered messily to his forehead with sweat. I grasped his hand, unable to believe how icy cold it felt to the touch.

MC: "How could you… Why did you…”

Just then, those eyes shut with pain cracked open. He pursed his lips and then coughed violently, blood started trickling out. Even like that, he still chuckled weakly.

Victor: “I used to think… that your problem was that you thought you could control fate all by yourself. Stubborn, self-reliant, in over your head. Whenever anyone tried to tell you anything, no matter what they said, it was always in one ear and out the other.”

Although it sounded a little weak, his voice was unusually calm, and didn’t really even pause or halt. Almost if, if he stopped, he wouldn't be able to start again.

Victor: “But I really did learn a little something from you. You are the thing unto yourself, so only know the best what your values and decisions should be. No one can guide you. And just like I can’t hold you back, you also can’t change this decision that I’ve made. Don’t ask why, this time, just let me say my piece.”

His voice grew weaker, but he managed to lift his right hand and place it over mine.

I clasped his hand, and a feeling of suspense and dread came over me like I'd never felt before.

MC: “I know… I know… You don’t have to say more.”

He was afraid of something, but not because his life was slipping away. It was more like… something would happen.

Victor closed his eyes, completely exhausted. I squeezed his hand tighter, as if trying to hang on to those remnants of warmth.

You have to make it through this.

A man standing by the riverside swiped his hand through the fog, swiped his hand through the fog, stirring it up into an erratic vortex.

Zero: “Did he actually…”

TO: Like I said before, he is the most suitable candidate.”

Zero: “But he refused to help us open the Door of Return.”

TO: “Perhaps it’s only temporary, and he’ll change his mind. I didn’t imagine he’d choose this method for preventing this crisis. Too bad… the price was so dear.”

After Victor saves MC from death, she finds him on the ground- pale and in terrible pain. Throughout Victor’s time with MC, we slowly see the influence he has on her- and the influence she has on him. He tells her that while she shoulders everything on her own and never listens to anyone, she did teach him things in the process. With her love and kindness, she strives to defy “nature's course” and saves worlds. Literally.

You were correct, Victor didn’t suffer injuries from the bullets because he stopped them just in time but Victor is overusing his Evol, and it’s gradually taking a toll on his body. Even back before MC crossed over to the Winter World, Victor was trying to find other alternative ways for MC to live and not sacrifice herself. Unfortunately, there were none. He did also suffer immense pain whenever he time traveled, especially when it led to his time travel pocket watch cracking and breaking in the end.

Victor would normally be practical and very principled in how he executes his plans, but this time around, it was him. This- he- was the plan. That's it. This is similar to how Victor opened a time rift to send MC away in Chapter 18- to somewhere and sometime in space. He waited for her to come back with the help of the Time Observers to confirm her safety. Only someone with his powerful Evol could do that, otherwise they’d risk losing consciousness in the “Time Rift”.

Additionally, he held onto that hope that MC could and would be saved in the end, like how he tried to find her for 17 years after the orphanage incident, not knowing whether she was dead or alive. Victor wants to wield that control, denying “helplessness” and “winning all the bets” he had with MC prior to her “death” in Chapter 18. Victor stated that if she couldn’t trust herself, then she should trust him and his decisions to protect her. Even if it’s detrimental to his health. Life-threatening, even. Because in the end, Victor knows he will always win. He just does.

And since he knows that he won’t be able to stop MC from doing what she wants, we now see him fully embracing then acting upon it. He accepts that she’s her own person and he has grown to have so much faith in her, seeing how she successfully survived Winter World then coming back home safe. It’s almost like- “okay. It’s you and me against the world”.

On the sidelines, Time observer and ZERO both observe, surprised that Victor will pay such a high price to avoid MC’s death from occurring- with the risk of his own. Could they have lost their most powerful time Evolver from this incident?

Though, we shouldn’t be surprised that the Time Observers think that Victor would be so foolish to use his Evol up to the point where it would actually kill him just to save MC. It's literally in their name- “Observers''- they haven’t and aren’t even allowed to actively participate in the events that happened in Loveland, let alone the different histories and worlds that existed, other than claiming to “correct it” by influencing other people who can. They don’t appear to have this kind of empathy in understanding Victor and why he wants to save MC’s life, or how important she is to him.

“You misunderstand. We never alter, we are correctors of history. We want you to join us, your power’s scope of influence has already surpassed the dimension of this current world. Before you are rejected by it…”

Victor: “I will not leave this world.”

“Even if you’ve seen the future of what is all to pass?”

Victor: “No matter what happens, the person I’m seeking for is right here.” -Black Curtain: Chapter 6

Also taken from my Time Observer Analysis-

Since Victor’s Evol is strong and has the capability to do more than “observe” like the Time Observers, he is the one who is deemed the most suitable and more responsible for “grasping the time in the past and the future”. Ever since STF found out about Victor’s Evol, they wanted him to cooperate with them too. Every time he stops time, certain surrounding energy and space changes.

The organisation also entertains the idea of fate, and how things should be refused to be changed. Since they have “seen the future of how the world ends”, they want Victor to cooperate with them in making it stop. Nobody can rewrite the ending among them, except him. Victor refuses to join because he doesn’t adhere to this idea.

“QUEEN’s return has brought unexpected consequences; the entire collapse of the world is ahead of schedule. The world’s line has come to an end, no matter through time or space, we can no longer interfere in this world.” Was there a difference in letting each world go to the end alone to close all the world lines in the future directly? Although we found a breakthrough, this situation really caused us a lot of headaches: she who should not have survived and she should not have been sent to other worlds. As a result, it would seriously interfere and disrupt the timeline. No one had done it before, and no one except Victor could do it.

In disbelief, we weighed it and threw the olive branch- as long as he is willing to cooperate, we will help him find her. As decisive as he was to refuse a few times before, this time he had promised me without thinking. And for a moment, I didn’t know if his decisiveness was good or bad. -Chapter 33-34 Rumours and Secrets

Victor "travelling ten-thousand years in the future" was mentioned in his Chapter 35-36 Rumours and Secrets. The Space and Time Administration (who the Time Observers were under) could "repair his abilities", after he stopped the bullets from hitting MC. He would have to stay there for the Space and Time Administration's time duration of ten-thousand years. Victor accepts. (BIG THANKS TO @cheri-cheri FOR CORRECTING ME LAST MINUTE WITH THIS ONE, YOU AMAZING HUMAN!!)

[crispycreep69]

Maybe a side story for the memory dream thing but BEN has to see the reader enduring some type of abuse, bullying, trauma ect While she's seeing his drowning experience? And maybe BEN never new about it so he's utterly shocked and she had gone through that because she's such a loving happy person? I'm sorry this is just me wanting to vent tbh.

This turned out being longer than I’d expected... also I didn’t know what kind of trauma so I picked something and ran with it. If you have a certain scenario then feel free to send it in and I’d be more than happy to write it. This is something I went though, but it wasn’t as dramatic as this- lol I just kinda wanted to traumatize reader. 

warning: blood mentions, bad crash, I wash too lazy to proof-read so... there might be typos

Ben gazes lovingly into your eyes, squeezing your hands once. He nods to the nameless man behind you. You grasp his hands tighter in your own as you watch the needle inject into his neck and see his head roll back as his consciousness fades away.  Snow whips around him as he enters the scene. He looks around, confused as to why your memory seems to be in the middle of a wintery forest. He walks along the given trail, large pines casting foreboding shadows, heavy piles of snow dropping from their limbs as he continues onward. Loud buzzing echoes in the distance like.. machines of some sort drawing near. Three of the snow-drivers pass by, a fourth making its way when suddenly a shout resonates. The noise bouncing from tree to tree, echoing around him as he watches the snowmobile descend downwards off the cliffside. The two people stuck on it seem to try their best to hold on for dear life, but one drops off, getting sucked under the machine with a sickening crunch and scream. Red stains the snow, but the descent continues.The second seems to be able to hold on for a little bit longer, rolling with the machinery, a muffled grunt echoing as the weight falls upon her. You gasp as you're stuck there in the snow, the weight of the machine crushing your smaller frame. The snowmobile finally seems to recognize that something was wrong, the red clip most likely haven been pulled when the driver fell off. The buzz is cut off as the motor dies down, leaving you whimpering underneath it. Ben acts before he can think shouting out.

"Don't move!" As he attempts to climb down to you. You look up to find from where the noise came from, hoping that someone from your party had noticed the fall and come to rescue you both. Your neck barks in protest at the small movement, a pang of fear shooting through you as you could only guess what that means. You struggle underneath the weight, hardly able to breathe. 

"Help! Get this... off of me!" You shout, panting from the lack of good oxygen. Your mind suddenly remembers your friend. You're barely able to turn your head to see her body laid strewn across the bloody snow. You shout her name- telling her to move or groan or whimper. Anything to let you know she was still alive. Ben recognizes the friend. You'd brought her with you a few times to some events and parties. He'd had no idea that you two had gone through this together. Your heart drops as she gives no response. Adrenaline shooting through you as you finally manage to push the machine off of you and further down the hill. The snow slopes unevenly beneath your now freed form, you shoot a hand out to catch on a tree so you don't follow the gravity. A muted pain spreads through you at even that simple action, but you ignore it. You shiver from the energy rush, eyes wide as you climb up to where your friend is stuck. You roll her over, whispering her name gently, afraid of what you might find when you view her face.Her eyes give a flutter, barely there, but it's a sign of life. You breathe a sigh of relief, the previous adrenaline starting to leave you- allowing you to feel the extent of your injuries as you gasp again. Your hands fly to your stomach. Ben finally manages to make it to where the both of you lay, you holding your friend in your arms just to be sure that she remains breathing. Somewhere along the crash both of your helmets had been thrown off. 

"Hey.. I told you not to move, we need to find help," Ben says as he finally reaches you both. You jump from the sudden, unfamiliar, voice. You'd been too focused on making sure that your friend was ok to even begin noticing the surrounding area. 

"Who are you?" You question, immediately on the defence. Ben is taken back by your response, worry flashing through his eyes. He finally remembers that this isn't the you he knows. 

"I'm just... a traveller. I saw your crash. Is everyone alright?" He responds. Your breathing is erratic as you try and focus on anything but the pain spreading through your limbs. You could only imagine what kind of injuries you had received.  "No," you respond, warmth dripping onto your skin. The blood from your friend. “No one is ok, we need to," You gulp, heat blinding your vision as black spots dance around. 

"We need help." You finally choke out .

"Hey.." He seems to notice your swaying as your head feels limp, your limbs going weak. 

"Hey you need to stay awake. Open your eyes for me." You shake your head, trying to shake away the woozy feeling. Your party must have seemed to finally noticed the accident as you hear snowmobiles approach and shouts resonate into the ravine. Ben manages to catch your form as you finally give into the darkness. Ben awakes with a gasp, searching for you immediately. You place a hand on his face, rubbing your thumb on his cheekbone as he comes back to you. He grasps your other hand in his, squeezing tightly. You're the first to speak. 

"I spent six months in a hospital." You say, he opens his mouth to speak but you continue. "I started to hate life. I started to hate the kind nurses who even dared walk into my room smiling. I started to hate the optimistic physical therapist who would shout encouragement. I started to hate the people who were living their lives while I was stuck in an endless hell." Your name leaves his lips, but you don't give him a chance. "When I was finally released... I didn't even want to leave my room. I didn't know how to come back from it. How to continue on like nothing had happened. Six months of my life wasted. I didn't want to deal with the pity and looks of concern as I limped past. It wasn't until one day I realized... I wasn't going to stop being miserable until I helped myself. My trauma doesn't define me. It happened- and now I needed to live with it." His eyes trail downwards to your right leg, sure he'd seen you start to limp a few times here and there after a long day of walking, but he'd never known why... or had he been too careless to ask. His hand leaves yours to rest on your thigh. "Eventually.. I healed. I came back and made my life what it was going to be. I wasn't gonna let this stop me. I stopped hating everything, I stopped being so angry. Sometimes the biggest strength is being able to take the punches in life and smile through it." You finish, giving him a big grin. 

"I'm so" He begins sadly, but stops himself at the look of exasperation you give him. He laughs then. "You amaze me, you really do." He pulls you in for a kiss, holding you close to him. "I could really take a lesson or two from you, you're so much stronger than I could ever hope to be."