#Fatigue Analysis

[ajayexplore]

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[mari-lair]

Let's talk about Teru and Aoi and how interesting Teru behavior with Aoi is.

Teru is on a mission to see what has changed from the original timeline to this one, he said so himself.

But he makes a strange move and completely ignores the very big change he was presented with: His engagement with Aoi. The plan was to abandon his 'brand new fiance' and go look for other changes.

Aoi holding his armband, asking for his attention in a very Aoi way and showing a willingness to go on a date with him shocked Teru less than the engagement news but it stuck to him in a way the engagement did not.

Just compare how Teru go 'welp it is what it is, what a strange timeline,' with a level of dismissal that makes him talk to Akane instead of Aoi about the situation.

To how he takes this Aoi at least seriously enough to question her request for them to go out.

So the idea Aoi wants to date him is more confusing to him than being engaged. So much so he does what he does with the original Aoi and starts asking her questions, even picturing the old Aoi as he ask for her hand, adding a lot of '...' in it.

It feels like a test.

A test Aoi failed by accepting his hand, doing something the Aoi he knew never would.

Teru is closed up during his date with Aoi.

He goes with the flow because he needs answers to go back home, he needs to figure out why she is so different but he is tense about this date. His sword bag strap is in a tight fist, which he pulls at it when she clings to his arm.

During their entire date, he keeps this fake little smile on. Avoiding to touch her as much as he can, and not having much to say despite usually not only being good at acting like a flirty prince when people want him to, but having fun in the role.

So Teru isn't indifferent in his date he is tense as fuck.

When he decides he'll send the picture to Akane and Aoi breaks character from lovey dovey fiance, Teru shows a hint of interest again, he goes "ohh? is there a problem?"

It's another test.

She fails but her panic about hurting Akane must either remind him of the og aoi or entertain his more sadistic side, so he goes 'hmmm', which is unimpressed for sure, but still a far more positive reaction than the "unease" that popped up when aoi had held his hand.

By the end of their date i'm pretty sure Teru comes to the conclusion Aoi likes him. I believe this for two reasons.

First, he start playing along with his fiance role instead of being guarded and silent, asking her to feed him with a smile that doesn't feel fake or tense, it's his usual :D expression instead of the :) he has been wearing this whole chapter.

The second thing of note is that this is the first time he actually touches Aoi.

During the entire manga, even in the old timeline, Teru had never even poked her shoulder, but this time he lightly holds her hand to stabilize the snack.

He seems bothered by people crowding them and he actually perks up when Aoi asks him to go to a more isolated place, his smile feels somewhat casual at the invite too, not like his tense ones from before.

When Aoi slaps him he is surprised.

And this part only further suggests that when he had asked her to fed him, he was under the impression this Aoi genuinely likes him.

So he doesn't have a problem doing couple things like being fed by Aoi as long as he believes Aoi enjoys it too.

But she doesn't like him.

Just like the Aoi he knows doesn't. It feels right.

Teru is happy.

Immediately after learning this Teru tries to find more similarities with the old Aoi, asking about her crush on Akane and going back to his mission of determining why changes happened.

Aoi mentions they are both unhappy in this arranged marriage and that they are only playing along to appease their families. Teru is surprised that he is unhappy too.

I am not entirely sure what this means but it is noteworthy that he seems genuinely surprised the 'him' of this timeline is opposed to the marriage with Aoi.

This little Teru is a brat, but his smile and blush contrast with his word. Either he is displeased greatly by this but refuses to 'play victim' like Aoi, or he cares more than he lets on.

He was the one who found her when Aoi admitted her intention was to hide. So he went out of his way to find this "annoying victim blaming girl"

Maybe this means his parents ordered Teru to go find her fiance, make a good first impression, and put on appearances, maybe he went to find her himself for some reason?

As of now, it's hard to say, we don't have enough info about the new timeline to guess very well, but it's food for thought.

Now back to the old timeline, with the Teru we are familiar with: Aoi asks about his family, about expectations and performance, and that isn't a topic he is very comfortable with, just look at his face.

But he does answer her.

He is very awkward, but he doesn't lie, it feels genuine.

He even mentions his mom, which he hasn't mentioned to anyone before.

[gerogerigaogaigar]

Phineas and Ferb fascinates me from a structural standpoint. I'll admit I haven't watched the show front to back, but I've caught the odd episode here and there and I certainly get the gist of it.

The first time I saw P&F it seemed charming but unremarkable, the second and probably third time it became obvious that it was a clever but formulaic show. At some point it clicked. Children's shows are usually formulaic, Dee Dee will destroy Dexter's invention, Elmer Fudd will fail to hunt the Wabbit, He-Man will defeat Skeletor, and Sisyphus will roll that boulder up that hill. Phineas and Ferb asks not just that we imagine Sisyphus happy, but that we imagine that he is ecstatic to see that boulder roll down the hill.

Where the status quo is an unspoken rule of older cartoons it is the explicit law of the P&F universe. There is a roadmap to every episode, you probably already know it but I will spell it out regardless. Phineas will say the phrase "I know what we're gonna do today" thus kicking off their project for the episode. Candace will try and fail to get them "busted". There will be a musical number. Meanwhile Doofenshmirtz will have made an -inator that Perry will be called upon to destroy. Perry will get caught, Doofenshmirtz will explain his plan, Perry will escape, destroy the -inator and the ensuing chaos will clean up Phineas and Ferb's backyard shenanigans just in time for their mom to get home. Ferb says something at the very end, often his only line in the whole episode. The end.

There are stock lines that must be said. "I know what we're gonna do today" "I wonder where Perry is" "Busted" "🎵Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated🎶". The show doesn't just have a cartoon status quo, the universe operates off of the laws of cartoon status quo to the extent that characters actively notice when the cycle doesn't complete correctly. The characters seemingly know that their world operates on cartoon physics, but to them it's just physics. In P&F a giant whirlwind carrying away a giant backyard amusement park is as natural as gravity.

Candace's place as the character who knows this is all insane must be a tortuous existence considering the whole world is conspired against her. Not out of a cosmic meanness but a deep thematic kindness. Candace is the only character whose intent is to cause purposeful harm and the universe will not let her get away with it.

Truly this is one of the most unerringly kind shows I've ever seen. It is unreal how much faith it puts into wordplay, running jokes, and raw absurdity to carry itself while never stepping into the realm of cartoon cruelty.

You know cartoon cruelty. It's why Tom gets punished for Jerry's actions and why the Trix rabbit can never eat his own damn cereal. At its best cartoon cruelty manifests as Ed, Edd n Eddy or the Looney Tunes short Duck Amok where there is catharsis in seeing the characters hoisted by their own petard. At its worst you get CatDog which is so intensely cruel to the character of Cat that I can't comprehend what the writers were going for.

The confident lack of irony is part of what makes Phineas And Ferb work. The show is a parade of cartoon cliches and dad jokes and it never it never winks at the viewer or lampshades how silly this is. It just has absolute faith that the corniest jokes ever really are that funny. And so they are. I actually laugh out loud every time they do the "Aren't you a little young for this?" "Yes, yes I am" bit. Maybe it's the delivery, maybe it's just the confidence in the bit. Probably a bit of both. I am smiling to myself just thinking of this dumb running joke.

But what this all amounts to is what every bit of fandom wankery amounts to. I am of course talking about shipping. For my money the best bit in the show is the romantic framing of Doofenshmirtz and Perry's rivalry. This is where the show's cartoon logic and unrepentant kindness synthesize perfectly. The homoerotic undertones of the spy/supervillain dynamic are an extremely tired observation and are usually only emphasized in an ironic sense to poke fun at pieces that never intended the gay subtext. P&F flips this joke by not being even a little bit ironic about it, but still adhering to the unspoken nature of the gag.

The end result is that Perry and Doofenshmirtz's status as a romantic couple is tacitly understood to be part of the shows status quo, but never commented on. The world of P&F is too inherently kind to be homophobic (homophobia being a key component of the joke) but it still has a joke shaped hole to fill. So it does the funniest possible thing and fills the hole with nothing. The joke is the lack of a joke. The expectation of a joke that is met with a shrug from the show's own internal logic. And that's really funny. An evil scientist and a platypus are in a loving relationship that happens to also be a hero/villain rivalry. Don't worry about it. It's not the weirdest thing happening in the tri state area I promise.

[hot-on-my-watch]

Script for 'The Tarmac Scene' in BBC Sherlock S3E3 His Last Vow

All of the different bits in 'The Tarmac Scene' that me and @whipsoutlaptop were somehow both reading the other day:

Re. my use of screenshots: it has been brought to my attention by a dyslexic friend of mine that screenshots with text are really not accessible for her (as well as obviously for blind people). I would really like to ultimately add plain text to these posts and hopefully I'll get the chance, but it is very much a matter of competing access needs at the moment! Some people need plain text; I have a severe energy limiting illness, so I need posting to be quick and dirty easy. Apologies to anyone unintentionally excluded! Xx

[good-beanswrites]

My thoughts on how the Milgram mv machine works based on the evidence we have:

(I know there’s been discussion about where exactly the interrogations take place, but wherever they are,) the prisoners are made to sit in a specific chair near the wall that houses the machine.

It’s ordinarily hidden, but the wall panels shift aside to reveal it when the mechanical sounds play in the dramas. As well as the walls moving, the chair transforms to restrain the prisoner and attach whatever it takes to access their brain. The fact that none of the more frightened prisoners try to run or break it makes it seem like they physically cannot. This is why Fuuta sounds so panicked, and why Amane is suddenly helpless in front of Es in their T1 vds.

(My mind conjures very classic sci-fi mad scientist machines with wires, pipes, lights, nodes, needles, etc, but I’d love to hear how other people visualize it.)

In some vds (maybe all? I’d need to check,) you can hear Es take some steps right before their iconic line -- it would make sense that for safety reasons, the power mechanism is placed across the room. Once again it could be anything, but the sound effect makes me think of one of those giant wall-mounted levers you have to pull down.

The voice dramas don’t really provide the type of crime details that an actual interrogation would reveal, and it’s odd that they’re placed before the extraction rather than after Es gets to see the new details. This leads me to believe the machine functions with priming. All Es needs to do is get them talking about their murder, so it’s on their mind.

The video produced is much like a (non-lucid) dream. Even if the prisoners figure out that this is how it works, they can’t control it just by thinking really hard about something else. The murders produce the strongest emotional affect, and that’s what it picks up on. If someone else used the machine, it would default to whatever gave them the strongest emotional reaction in the ~15 minutes beforehand, hence why Es’ video focuses on their daunting task ahead. (The Undercover theory is still a bit loose, though, given the private shots that Es wouldn't have known about). It’s why the videos are usually closely linked to the vd topics/beats. I also like to think that the reason their prisoner colors appear so much is because they’re looking at those colors on their uniform 24/7.

The bell rings to inform Es that it’s the optimal time to use the machine -- the prisoner has been thinking about things for long enough that the video will be about their crime, and if the conversation lasts much longer they’ll start thinking of other things. It’s at a different time for each prisoner because it’s based on the specific conversation. I guess Jackalope is listening in to the interrogation, timing it perfectly. (The only one that kind of messes with this theory is Yonah, because they just keep talking afterwards lol, but it could just show that the interrogation is still in Es’ control.)

Their “Sing your sins” is the final priming nudge to get them to think of their actions as a sin, revealing their guilt.

Once activated, the prisoner enters a sort of trance/sleeping state. It’s very much like REM sleep, with the machine forcibly activating neurons and recording the output. The prisoners have asked Es what they saw, meaning they don’t remember the mvs. I like to think the prisoners do experience the mv in real time, acting as the major version of themself that appears, but can’t remember it afterwards. It’s when you experience a dream, but as soon as you wake up you’re just left with fleeting emotions and memories right on the tip of your tongue.

The video plays immediately upon extraction -- whether on a huge projection or little screen depends on which room it’s in. It simultaneously saves the memory so that Es can rewatch it later (on those old TVs in the jailbreak mix). The machine downloads the song and video together, but requires special parts to retrieve them. The technology is pretty new and fragile, so if one is broken, there might be a delay between when Es can hear the extracted song and see it with the video. (That’s my justification for Kotoko’s delays -- after 9 prisoners the parts wear out, or maybe Mikoto himself overheats it with his complex situation.)

Based on the lack of conversation we get afterwards, I picture Es leaving before the prisoner wakes from the trance. The machine adjusts their brain back to normal before they awaken, restraints freed and able to return to the rest of the prison.

It’s very much like a dream, so it’s not harmful despite the amnesia/head injuries the prisoners have. It does, however, exhaust them. Brain activity alone takes a lot of energy, so forced brain activity with added emotional strain would cause them to feel pretty drained the rest of the day.

[hellostarposts]

Episode 74 - Fatigue

Lydia Halligan

Standard insomnia description so far.

A coffee ad right beside an insomniacs window is like a giant fuck you from the capitalism overloards.

Hey that man has a name! It's Micheal!

His laugh causes nosebleeds. Good to know.

A TOOTH IN THE COFFEE IS A NEW FEAR

Those are called hallucinations sweetie.

Wow she's an easy target for Micheal. She’s making herself delusional and he’s just waiting.

Confirmed that it's Micheal, spirals and sharp fingers.

So is Micheal what’s actually causing the insomnia?

I’m starting to think that he just made her insomnia worse.

Supplemental.

Tunnel creature!!

FINALLY He’s onto Not-Sasha

The camera is like the smartest thing jon has done about the tunnels.

So we’ve got a tunnel guy coming into the archives and taking files. But we aren’t concerned about that?

Not much about Micheal that’s new. But slightly more about the tunnels and Not-Sasha. I’ve got nothing. Unless I want to throw out that the tunnel guy is Gerard, continuing to be a freak.

[heroes-fading]

andor thoughts

one second, gotta yap.

The amount of history and care that goes into this show is just absolutely stunning. The war in Algiers, genocide in Palestine, British occupation in India, the Tlatelolco massacre, the French Resistance, fascist Italy...processing this show in conjunction with the history of the CIA's bloody, genocidal interventions that so perfectly mirror the ISB is just. Manufacturing consent in Ghorman! False flags! The fact that Disney let them get away with this is incredible.

Syril and Dedra got the perfect endings for both of their characters. The system eats its own. They are caught in the gears. Dedra was a true believer and all that got her was prison time! Syril threw his life away for a man who doesn't know who he is! AMAZING.

The Luthen and Kleya relationship was so special to me. Luthen defecting from the empire, reeling from the atrocities of the army he joined, Kleya just trying to survive. Luthen knowing this life will kill her soul and letting her join anyway, because what's the alternative?

Partagaz killing himself after listening to Nemik's manifesto goes so incredibly hard. Holy shit. Nemik's manifesto living on. Authoritarianism is leaky. Freedom is everywhere. One of the best pieces of writing from the show.

I don't really have the problem with Bix's ending that other people seem to! Frankly by end of ep 9 I was just relieved she was alive because I assumed she was going to die! But the context of her pregnancy makes her decision to leave make sense, and that is fundamentally a sunrise Cassian will never see. Her decision to return to the last place she felt safe/had community before the empire interceded -- much in the fashion that they did in Ferrix -- also felt narratively satisfying to me! I much prefer that over the alternative of her a) death or b) being completely alone without a sense of community!

Also there are so many other female characters on this show that DO make a different choice. Mon chooses the rebellion over her family. Vel is forced to choose the rebellion over everything. Kleya never even makes the choice, it's so automatic. Dedra chooses the empire over Syril, but they're both fucked either way because the empire does not care about them. This is not a feminist issue to me? I don't get that framing? It feels a little disingenuous?

Overall I think the tumblr style of analysis here is coming up short for me in processing this show. It's fundamentally not about which each character deserves since they're nearly all universally doomed in some way or another. It's about the relationships and complexity that exist within a system that is cold, hard, and unfeeling. The good guys die. Frequently! This is the design of a callous system. Nothing here was lazy or ill-thought out, but deeply intentional!

A character's death is not a judgement of their goodness or morality -- it's a judgement of the system that kills them! No death is random in this show. The cruelty is the point!

No one is getting a completely happy ending. This is the nuance, for me! Vel lives, but lost the love of her life. Mon Mothma lives, but her daughter is cursed. Kleya lives, but in a system that doesn't understand or fully respect her or her surrogate father's sacrifice. Bix lives, with her kid and her community, but never sees Cassian again. These characters are forced to make impossible choices in an unjust world! THAT'S THE FLAVOR.

Rogue One was fine, but between Andor and the film I find the former a lot more narratively well-built and satisfying. Maybe it's a matter of personal preference, but I thoroughly enjoyed Gilroy & co's vision. I'm a lot more interested in a story about fascism and the way it distorts and affects the world it exists in than I am anything else in the Star Wars universe, so that colors a lot for me!

So much of what's discussed in leftist spaces is this idea of "planting a tree you will never sit in the shade in" and how so much of this is bigger than each individual. We are not the heroes of the story, we are the background figures working tirelessly so the people after us suffer a little less. Andor turns that into a sunrise the characters will never see. That's so satisfying to me! I get how that wouldn't be to everyone, but this style of storytelling is so rich and unique -- and it's done with such a deft hand, which many attempts have failed miserably at -- and on top of that, it's also believable and textured!

To call Andor lazy or unimaginative writing just feels so out of pocket to me? It is incredibly intentional and deliberately imaginative, and every arc is so narratively satisfying. Universal critical acclaim is not because "dudes be reviewing." You do have to actually engage with the text at hand!

[dandelionsprout42]

The market for magic mermaid princess cartoons is getting very crowded.

There's pretty little that differentiates no less than 5 different cartoons that are either airing, pretty recently aired, or which will air pretty soon.

In loose order of release dates, earliest to recentmost:

Mermaid High

Mermaid Bubblegem

Mermaid Magic

Mermicorno Starfall

Bubble Guppies Mermaids

It is a pretty narrow genre, in regards to just how specialised it is and that there's not all that much room to come up with anything that differs from their competitions.

So now there's 5 cartoons that more or less strongly resemble each other. In fact I can't really tell the shows apart except for their artstyles. One of them got a small handful of unicorn mermaids instead of mermaid mermaids, but even then.

If these shows' goal was to spread magic mermaid princess to viewers and the world, then it has become overkill squared.

[ballinandcantgetup452]

I Genuinely Do Not Know if Gege Akutami is a Good Action Writer

Don't get me wrong, when Gege works, he REALLY works. The cursed energy power system by ITSELF is proof that Gege is bare minimum a genius when it comes to worldbuilding. But, I don't think that Gege Akutami knows how to write a story with a big cast using that system.

I'm specifically referring to how Gege has a really bad habit of benching people that are too powerful. Now, this isn't entirely a bad thing that Gege does. When he benched Gojo, it made narrative and thematic sense. I'm considering Gojo to be the exception to this problem that Gege has. But, let's look at every character that Gege has benched for what I could see to be no other reason than they were too strong in order of most to least justified.

Fumihiko Takaba: This one is definitely the least offensive benching on this list. I can imagine that Comedian is a very tough CT to choreograph in a group setting while keeping your overall serious tone. The Shinjuku Showdown for just about its entire runtime feels tense. Comedian is not only an overpowered CT, but it's also a tonally overpowering CT. You can write Comedian to be scary if you have no idea how it works; but, that's still making the Shinjuku Showdown all about Takaba and not Sukuna like Gege intended. So, having Takaba being on the Sukuna Squad would be a lot of work on Gege to properly balance. You were going to have to bench him in some way. I'm fine with him being in charge of taking down Kenjaku. That fight was probably my favorite fight in all of JJK, and, it makes complete sense as to how and why he got benched.

Nobara Kugisaki: While I'm ecstatic that Nobara's alive, it does kind of hurt the story in retrospect, even if her return was properly built up. If Gege had simply killed Nobara, then I wouldn't be putting her on this list. Because sure, Nobara had a technique that would've allowed her to damage the soul from a distance-something that proved to be INTEGRAL during Shinjuku-so killing her could make the Shinjuku Showdown a whole lot harder, but her death meant a lot to the cast. It deeply affected Yuji and caused him to grow even more as a character. So, I was willing to let it slide. But, the fact that Gege kept her alive is proof that he knew that he had made her too powerful and he wanted to use her for later. If he had built this up more instead of one passive "well she might be alive" comment, I wouldn't be complaining. However, here we are.

Hiromi Higuruma: This one is definitely the most egregious in my opinion. The fact that he is alive significantly hurts this story in retrospect. I wouldn't even be making this list in general if he was alive. Something to keep in mind is that I'm trying to look at this story from both a powerscaling and a narrative perspective. So I get why Gege killed him. Anybody with an insta-kill weapon has to be dealt with in some shape way or form. And, once again, killing him gave Yuji more motivation. I honestly don't even get why Gege did it this time with the knowledge that there isn't going to be a JJK2. Keeping Higuruma alive exclusively hurts the story. Especially because he had already mainly served his narrative purpose in the Culling Games.

I know that this is a pretty small list. However, keep in mind, this all happened in one arc. At the very end. So, it overall hurts the package. In making this list, I have gotten to thinking about it, and, I don't think that Gege is a bad writer. I think that he does phenomenal with smaller casts. I genuinely believe that Hidden Inventory is one of the best arcs in the series. I just think that Gege got a little too ambitious and he couldn't wrap things up in time because of mangaka fatigue so he got sloppy at the very end.

[taintedwrote]

Why I personally think: 'This is Love' by Air Traffic Control could be about being Disabled/Chronically Ill 🙏

This gets really long and I'm running on no sleep making this but I've had this thought for a while and I had a surge of energy 🙏

Starting out with the very first line of the song, the opening that sets the tone for the rest of the song: "You're no good, you're no good, you could kill me and you should." For me, when I first heard this line I correlated it with love, but as I thought more about it and attempted to think about the song without the context of knowing it was a type of 'love song' (I say this loosely) I began to think about it in the context of being disabled.

For a lot of people, finding out you're disabled (especially as a teenager/kid) can feel horrible, it's a damning feeling that leaves you feeling lost.

It feels like a type of death.

The death of a life you dreamed about, the death of dreams that kept you going, the death of having that typical romcom life, the death of a future you thought you could reach.

Which, only cements itself with the next line: "I'm an idiot for thinking, this was anything but blood,"

Being disabled/chronically ill, for as much as abled people want to deny it, is a fight. It's a constant battle against your body with no surrender in sight; it's something you learn about and then have to consistently sit at the table to find ways around it, to find things that help but will never lessen the bloodshed.

The next line, personally, is the one that cements the underlying subject of disability within the lyrics: "On the wall, on the couch, on the corner of my mouth. You must like being the victim, you've done nothing to get out of this pattern of pain."

Abled people tend to assume that disabled people are simply unwilling to 'get better' and just wish to wallow in their pain in order to garner sympathy (which is laughable) from abled people. Doctors along with regular people on the street will offer advice that isn't anything other than "if I can do it so can you," or "You're just not trying hard enough," and refuse to listen when disabled people say they've either already tried it and it doesn't work, or that they are physically/mentally incapable of doing it.

Chalking it up to 'laziness' instead if an inherent issue within the culture/systems we live in.

"Washed away by the rain, you'll forgive me if I promise, and do nothing but the same." This line, to me, speaks to many of our shared experiences and traumas surrounding doctors or medical practitioners. We continuously go to doctors, ready to fight for ourselves, advocate, and just want to be heard and nearly every time they ignore symptoms or refuse to help (especially in regards to afab people).

It's... Exhausting to say the least.

"This is life until death," being chronically ill/disabled is something you can never get rid of, it's a life long aspect of your life. "Could be my last dying breath," many chronic illness and disabilities can kill you. Whether it is by the illness/disability itself or by outwards circumstances (caregivers, hate crimes, malpractice, ect).

"But this is love, love, shut up, this is love," this line just reminds me of people telling you they love/care about you while also diminishing your disability or your needs.

"Forget everything you used to know," when you're newly diagnosed, or when it's finally confirmed, it feels like you have to forget who you used to be; finding new tools and new understandings that could make you feel like a new person entirely even if nothing changed. The "rules of life" that were previously understood were now worthless with this new sheet of societal rules we're meant to follow.

"I think you better tell your friends to go," it is extremely hard to have/keep friends as a disabled person. (Especially as a disabled teenager which is where I have most of my own experience from.) Often, when you're newly diagnosed the friends you have will pull themselves back. The knowledge that they might need to accommodate or that they might not get to do the same things as before can make a lot of abled people pull away from their disabled friends.

"Stick around cause I'm about to show you, the beginning is the end." (This connects to the above paragraph about how it could be the beginning of the end of a lot of relationships)

"Yeah, I know wrong, I know right, but I just love to pick a fight," this line just makes me think of people trying (Ill intentioned) to offer advice contrary to what you know works best for your body (especially doctors) where you're then labeled as argumentive or difficult.

"I can sleep with one eye open," I just interpret this as being hyper vigilant of your disability. "If there's any sleep at night."

"I got my knife, got my gun," Your medication, "Let's see how fast you can run, you might think that you can hurt me but the damage has been done." I just thought about the medication chasing the disability and thought that was kinda funny. I could go deeper with this but it's already getting long.

"It's pathetic, I know, a jealous fool who won't let go." This line just personally hit me in the gut because for so long I was jealous of my friends who could live their lives without needing to make sure they would be safe or without planning ahead so they didn't end up hospitalized/in a flare and unable to move. For a long time I refused to let go of the wants I had for my future that I realized if never be able to get to, it was a mourning process they didn't understand which only made me even more jealous.

"If I was sorry for my actions, would I ever stoop so low?" This just made me think of all the times I had to apologize for being sick/unable to do something and it pissed me off so that's all I'm gonna say.

"Got no reason to live," Again, it just made me think of the mourning process that tends to happen when you have to let go of the life you wanted to live in the life you got.

"And I've got nothing left to give you, but my love!" This line felt like those moments when you're trying really hard, when you're putting all your tools and spoons into doing something and trying to keep other people from needing to accommodate only to be told you're not trying hard enough.

"Oh, I was hit as a kid," (refer to top paragraph)

"I was good but then I quit," most chronic illnesses that "don't show" in childhood usually get worse during puberty when your hormones are all fucked up and messy. Hensel feeling both like it's always been there and that it just spawned one day.

"Everyone that tried to fix me knows that I can't change a bit." Just...the constant ring-around of doctors that have been either unable to diagnose or unable to help.

"I've got no shame, got no pride, only skeletons to hide." Just, that odd feeling where a lot of people feel like they need to hide their disabilities to the best of their ability.

"And if you try to talk to someone, well then someone has to die." This just makes me think about the disabilities hiding themselves (or unconscious masking to the best of their ability) in front of Doctors, like they're a vampire hiding from the sun.

"Once you chase me down the hole," or once you try and figure the disability out, "yeah once you think you're in control," when you've been able to manage it for a few weeks or months or even years, "you'll believe that we are partners and you'll feel uncomfortable." or the classic "was I really that bad or was I just being dramatic" feeling that comes with feeling too good for long periods of time.

"Oh then the darkness rolls in," a flare, or a bad day. "And you'll forget who I have been," how to manage it.

"The simple love that your grandparents had, this kind of love will only make you mad." Realising that finding a partner will also include making sure it's someone that is okay with being "with a disabled person" which is, for some reason, not something people are okay with. 🙄

"It hurts at first but it ain't that bad," the beginning tends to be the worst but once you understand your body and it's limits it's not hard to "deal with" (I can't think of another word for what I mean) anymore. "You gotta wonder what it meant."

Anyway, this got really long but relating love songs (I use the term loosely) to the relationship disabled/chronically ill people tend to have with their disabilities. So.... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[deanwax]

I am actually so grateful for people who make YouTubes analysing films because when I am a sad little fatigue baby who now also has a fractured toe (ridiculous I know) I can't PAY ATTENTION enough to understand what I just saw so now I can go through it again with a support human

[hot-on-my-watch]

Final Script- BBC Sherlock S4-

The Lying Detective

For a bit of recap and a few things we might have missed I recommend this vid:

And onto the script!

As I suspected, there were FAR fewer differences between the script on the BBC website and the broadcast episode than with The Six Thatchers, which had many! I do think there may have been a later 'Amends' script for TST and the Beeb uploaded the wrong one, but hey, I'll never know.

Anyway, what follows are a few minor changes I did spot, interspersed with my favorite bits of stage direction.

Fake Faith's Hair

The 'Faith Smith' that comes to Baker Street is described as having both jet black hair and her roots grown out- it seems at some point they were considering Eurus appearing with her 'natural' hair colour here but looking as 'Faith' as if she's dyed it. I mean Eurus' looks completely too, but I've headcanoned about that elsewhere! So perhaps that was a discrepancy left from an earlier vision. That or someone had to fill in Steven Moffat on the workings of dye.

It's Mrs Hudson's Episode!

There are too many amazing lines of hers to quote here, but I also enjoy these notes.

"Sherlock Vision"

Mildly amusing.

Childhood Flashback

As with TST, they were intending to go further with this sooner. Notice also that Sherlock 'freaking out' has been condensed from two incidents to one.

Another interesting line here that I think got cut:

And...

I think my tiny attention span and poorly ME/CFS addled brain failed up pick up on the cut to the aquarium until now.

"We just carpet the wall.."

I enjoy the 'it'll be easy I promise!' vibes of the description of Sherlock blurring locations and dimensions on his return to the flat. Tumblr won't let me upload more images though.

"Once More..."

Something that surprised me about the script is that it has much of Sherlock's Henry V 'Once more unto the breach dear friends' speech delivered off-camera, showing Mrs Hudson nervously moving to investigate in the hallway and Wiggins dashing out, building for longer to the reveal of Sherlock reciting and gesticulating wildly with a gun.

One can only imagine that the decision was (correctly) made not to waste even a few seconds of Benedict Cumberbatch having the time of his theatre nerd life!

Missing Scene

We eventually get to the deleted part that sent me down my script-study rabbithole: John's failed attempt at drink driving. I too was horrified when I first read these lines, having always had the abject disgust at the very notion of drink-driving that many millenials do and that older generations often lack.

Not that I approve of John's extramarital text flirtation, of spectacularly dumping his best friend and violent attack of the same!

John really is out of control and as always, he appears somewhat normal next to Sherlock. John's quiet breakdown involves whiskey at home, chronic insomnia and just about managing to hide his hallucinations from his therapist; Sherlock's much louder one involves wild eyes, track marks, an elderly landlady in a sports car, a helicopter chase and an ambulance. But as always, while Sherlock is by far the most unpredictable and flamboyant, John is just as dangerous if not more so.

I feel that this scene was cut because it really wasn't needed, and it doesn't make massive sense for Sherlock to have been sneaking around successfully watching over John when he was meant to be "off his tits" anyway.

Smith's Mobile Phone

There's then a minor point in the script about Sherlock having deduced Smith's phone password/code and another reference to something being hidden "in plain sight". It seems that it was actually the "Serial number" on the back of the phone. I don't think we lose anything from this seeing as 'plain sight' comes up a lot and it's been long established that Sherlock can crack most passwords with ease.

Smith as a Mirror for John

I have seen Smith described as a John mirror before, particularly in the shot where they stand opposite each other across the slab. And while that shot IS compelling and lord knows their hair styles are the same, I did wonder if it was just a case of them both having the same stylist- Mary's do has the same kind of vibe about it after all. However, on this rewatch I finally got it: neither is the man with morals beyond reproach that he is often seen as, both carry darkness and at least one secret, and both have killed without remorse. The irony of Smith- clearly delighted- saying "no violence please" as John takes out all his fury on the frail, felled Sherlock is appropriately sickening.

The Stolen Scalpel

The script in the mortuary scene describes close ups on the tray of tools when Culverton Smith would've had a chance to swipe a scalpel, and him standing with his hands behind his back as if he has, giving the impression that Sherlock was reasonable to think he had done that- when in reality of course it was Sherlock who had grabbed it. In the episode Smith does stand right by the tools and technicaly could've pocketed one or something but shows his hands very demonstrably after that, making Sherlock's accusation seem to appear from nowhere. I'm not sure if this will have been cut down because of the blocking and camera stuff not quite having worked, but making Sherlock look even more unhinged doesn't hurt. If he can hallucinate Smith taking the scalpel, Smith laughing non-stop, then has he hallucinated Faith?

'The Scene'- Yes That One :-(

I was intrigued to see the stage directions for 'the scene' i.e. John's rather extreme violence against Sherlock, and indeed the script describes him as having completely lost control in a fury that's upsetting and disturbing to see.

Without any intention of trying to justify John's behaviour (though he clearly was Not Fucking Okay), I have mentally disputed the idea that John "put him in the hospital" before. Sadly I did once see a loved one take a beating at least as bad as that and the police barely even check them over, let alone have them taken to the hospital. But enough of my trauma...

In the script Nurse Cornish says that Sherlock will "probably need" the walking stick, and that has been cut from the final product- as have a lot of unimportant lines, to be fair. Though we can assume John, being a doctor, reasonably thought he might benefit from it, perhaps having cracked a rib or too.

It was only on my latest rewatch that I realised "Mary" isn't in this scene at all. And last time we saw her, she was asking if John still missed her- presumably now that's back out on a case with Sherlock. In fact since Sherlock arrived to get John, Mary's ghostly prescence has been less and less. Here in the mortuary, John's mind is completely occupied with the drama of it all, never projecting her.

I'm not sure what I think of this, especially because there can only be so many things shown at once, but back in The Empty Hearse it was Mary constantly trying to calm John and push him.to reunite with his old friend. Here hallucinated Mary encourages John to tell the truth to his therapist and sticks up for Sherlock at every turn. Is this the nadir of what John and Sherlock could become "without (her)", as Mary intimates in the "I miss you" video next episode? Sadly it seems so.

"Isn't That Right, Mary?"

On to a much more pleasant scene: drinking tea in Baker street. The script mentions here that it be blocked and shot as if John is talking to theoretical Mary instead of a hallucinated/visualised Mary that's actually there. Sherlock doesn't say "isn't that right Mary?" after "I'm Sherlock Holmes, I wear the damn hat." A nice addition I think. I'm not dure it would really have worked without John speaking to a specific Mary there and then without Sherlock deducing otherwise.

"Unless she calls."

Finally, in the following scene between Mycroft and Lady Smallwood, the gender of the PM has been changed. The script calls "him" an "idiot", where the finished episode merely implies that "she" is a nuisance of some kind. Another minor change is that Mycroft is more indecisive about taking Lady Smallwood's card-in the script he is seen nearly taking the card at least twice. Her seeming to be hitting on him threw me a little the first time as I read Mycroft as openly gay, but hey, that's just me. I hope they became besties at the very least!

If you made it this far, thankyou for tolerating my ramblings and proving to myself again that yes, the changes made from the shooting script were improvements. You're welcome Moftiss.

[jayjamjary]

HAHAHAHAHA I WIN

It may be almost 3 am when I have to wake up at 6:30 am but I DID IT !!!!!

I finished that entier stupid formal lab poster in 1 night !!!!! Hahahahhahaha I win.

[jcmarchi]

A protein found in human sweat may protect against Lyme disease

New Post has been published on https://thedigitalinsider.com/a-protein-found-in-human-sweat-may-protect-against-lyme-disease/

A protein found in human sweat may protect against Lyme disease

Lyme disease, a bacterial infection transmitted by ticks, affects nearly half a million people in the United States every year. In most cases, antibiotics effectively clear the infection, but for some patients, symptoms linger for months or years.

Researchers at MIT and the University of Helsinki have now discovered that human sweat contains a protein that can protect against Lyme disease. They also found that about one-third of the population carries a genetic variant of this protein that is associated with Lyme disease in genome-wide association studies.

It’s unknown exactly how the protein inhibits the growth of the bacteria that cause Lyme disease, but the researchers hope to harness the protein’s protective abilities to create skin creams that could help prevent the disease, or to treat infections that don’t respond to antibiotics.

“This protein may provide some protection from Lyme disease, and we think there are real implications here for a preventative and possibly a therapeutic based on this protein,” says Michal Caspi Tal, a principal research scientist in MIT’s Department of Biological Engineering and one of the senior authors of the new study.

Hanna Ollila, a senior researcher at the Institute for Molecular Medicine at the University of Helsinki and a researcher at the Broad Institute of MIT and Harvard, is also a senior author of the paper, which appears today in Nature Communications. The paper’s lead author is Satu Strausz, a postdoc at the Institute for Molecular Medicine at the University of Helsinki.

A surprising link

Lyme disease is most often caused by a bacterium called Borrelia burgdorferi. In the United States, this bacterium is spread by ticks that are carried by mice, deer, and other animals. Symptoms include fever, headache, fatigue, and a distinctive bulls-eye rash.

Most patients receive doxycycline, an antibiotic that usually clears up the infection. In some patients, however, symptoms such as fatigue, memory problems, sleep disruption, and body aches can persist for months or years.

Tal and Ollila, who were postdocs together at Stanford University, began this study a few years ago in hopes of finding genetic markers of susceptibility to Lyme disease. To that end, they decided to run a genome-wide association study (GWAS) on a Finnish dataset that contains genome sequences for 410,000 people, along with detailed information on their medical histories.

This dataset includes about 7,000 people who had been diagnosed with Lyme disease, allowing the researchers to look for genetic variants that were more frequently found in people who had had Lyme disease, compared with those who hadn’t.

This analysis revealed three hits, including two found in immune molecules that had been previously linked with Lyme disease. However, their third hit was a complete surprise — a secretoglobin called SCGB1D2.

Secretoglobins are a family of proteins found in tissues that line the lungs and other organs, where they play a role in immune responses to infection. The researchers discovered that this particular secretoglobin is produced primarily by cells in the sweat glands.

To find out how this protein might influence Lyme disease, the researchers created normal and mutated versions of SCGB1D2 and exposed them to Borrelia burgdorferi grown in the lab. They found that the normal version of the protein significantly inhibited the growth of Borrelia burgdorferi. However, when they exposed bacteria to the mutated version, twice as much protein was required to suppress bacterial growth.

The researchers then exposed bacteria to either the normal or mutated variant of SCGB1D2 and injected them into mice. Mice injected with the bacteria exposed to the mutant protein became infected with Lyme disease, but mice injected with bacteria exposed to the normal version of SCGB1D2 did not.

“In the paper we show they stayed healthy until day 10, but we followed the mice for over a month, and they never got infected. This wasn’t a delay, this was a full stop. That was really exciting,” Tal says.

Preventing infection

After the MIT and University of Helsinki researchers posted their initial findings on a preprint server, researchers in Estonia replicated the results of the genome-wide association study, using data from the Estonian Biobank. These data, from about 210,000 people, including 18,000 with Lyme disease, were later added to the final Nature Communications study.

The researchers aren’t sure yet how SCGB1D2 inhibits bacterial growth, or why the variant is less effective. However, they did find that the variant causes a shift from the amino acid proline to leucine, which may interfere with the formation of a helix found in the normal version.

They now plan to investigate whether applying the protein to the skin of mice, which do not naturally produce SCGB1D2, could prevent them from being infected by Borrelia burgdorferi. They also plan to explore the protein’s potential as a treatment for infections that don’t respond to antibiotics.

“We have fantastic antibiotics that work for 90 percent of people, but in the 40 years we’ve known about Lyme disease, we have not budged that,” Tal says. “Ten percent of people don’t recover after having antibiotics, and there’s no treatment for them.”

“This finding opens the door to a completely new approach to preventing Lyme disease in the first place, and it will be interesting to see if it could be useful for preventing other types of skin infections too,” says Kara Spiller, a professor of biomedical innovation in the School of Biomedical Engineering at Drexel University, who was not involved in the study.

The researchers note that people who have the protective version of SCGB1D2 can still develop Lyme disease, and they should not assume that they won’t. One factor that may play a role is whether the person happens to be sweating when they’re bitten by a tick carrying Borrelia burgdorferi.

SCGB1D2 is just one of 11 secretoglobin proteins produced by the human body, and Tal also plans to study what some of those other secretoglobins may be doing in the body, especially in the lungs, where many of them are found.

“The thing I’m most excited about is this idea that secretoglobins might be a class of antimicrobial proteins that we haven’t thought about. As immunologists, we talk nonstop about immunoglobulins, but I had never heard of a secretoglobin before this popped up in our GWAS study. This is why it’s so fun for me now. I want to know what they all do,” she says.

The research was funded, in part, by Emily and Malcolm Fairbairn, the Instrumentarium Science Foundation, the Academy of Finland, the Finnish Medical Foundation, the Younger Family, and the Bay Area Lyme Foundation.

[egg-emperor]

oh we're back in business baby lol

[fappellmoan]

so ok my life is crazy right now i can’t even get into it rn but i made up a lie to miss work friday so i can go see bottoms instead lmfao and now tomorrow something really big just came up for like us film kids and theres no way i can miss it but like i am soooo anxious abt messaging my bosses again but like also it’s not that serious and i make 10/hr there. so. regardless pray for me