#Frankly I think the fact his love is genuine is genius

[clericofgale]

Spoilers for Patch 5 and the whole game.

I posted my thoughts about the new ending Gale got in patch 5 on Reddit first, but I might as well post it here with some revisions. I'll say it, I love the god Gale ending. But it is NOT his good ending to me. Before I would never have pursued it, but now it is tantalizing to say the least. I'm into it though Gale the mortal is still my preference.

"Gale Dekarios cuts a poor figure next to the wizarding prowess of 'Gale of Waterdeep. You like so many things about me I'd have sooner discarded…"

By ascending Gale, you are killing Gale Dekarios. The nerd that hits on you in front of everyone while you're covered in zombie blood, procced to infodump an entire tangent to complement you, and yet somehow stick the landing to hit you with the most romantic poetry you've ever heard. A sensitive man who wears his emotions on his sleeve and wants to make the world a more beautiful place. An artist of the weave and a poet. The owner of the most overbearing tressym in the world. The moment the spell was complete, Gale Dekarios died and Gale the divine was born.

Even then, why is god Gale now so enticing to me unlike ascended Astarion? Because he loves you. He wants you by his side as an equal. It's actually sweet and romantic, just like all of Gale's romance is. I'm nothing if not a sucker for a romance.

"Follow my Lead" "Show me more. Show me it all." "I want you to seize the crown and make us a new world"

BeMyGod is the name in the data file for the boat scene where Gale asks you if you'll be with him when he seizes the crown. I know file names can be arbitrary, but if you agree to his proposal, you really are asking Gale to be your god. It's so easy to say yes. You're in the stars, Gale says I want to show you so much more, but it's not worth it without you. All you need to do is say yes. You're angry at Mystra who demanded so much of Gale, caused him such suffering and won't lift a finger to help. So You say yes. You love him. He loves you.

When Gale ascends, even in 6 months he is a different entity. The devs indicate: "His posture/demeanor here should feel slightly more aloof/detached than the regular Gale - he's been immortal for six months, his ego is as powerful as his magic. The real Gale's insecurities still lurk beneath his godlike confidence, as does his love for the player, but this is clearly a Gale setting out on a darker path."

The Gale here is a twisted version of the one we loved. His flaws are worse, he good traits have mostly disappeared. Namely his kindness and tolerance to deprecating humor. He no longer tolerates any perceived slight or jab. He doesn't let go of his bitterness towards Mystra. His ego is large yet fragile. You saw a glimpse of it at the ritual circle scene if you succeed in upstaging him in magic. Now it's only gotten worse. Yes even his insecurity. If you rejected him after accepting the proposal, Gale says this.

Tav: No, I think it's the end. What happened to the man I once loved? Gale: He's the god he deserves to be. I achieved everything we hoped I would, and still I'm not good enough for you?

He's also lonelier than ever. His last 6 months were in isolation, with nobody he could trust while dealing with the crown and celestial politics. Immortals don't really have friends. They have allies and lovers. He stops talking to his mother who was so dear to him. He develops a spell to polymorph people into Tara, his oldest friend who rejects him after ascension. He then develops a spell that summons Shadowdark ale and forces people to dance and be happy, just like the vignette he told you about the Yawning Portal. The third spell is Power word: Ruin. he's finally back to speaking death into being with a single word, just like he used to.

Gale wanted to be a god to make a better world, but now he's a neutral god answering prayers from any alignment. He doesn't care if they are Thayan wizards aiming for lichdom or unscrupulous Amnian merchants. Ambition is a neutral idea. Ambition also drives healers to develop a cure. For adventurers to slay monsters.

What's the most noticeable remaining good trait in Gale? Gale still loves you. He's much nicer to you if romanced. He refuses to be with you if you don't go with him because he doesn't want to hurt you. He admires your good heart if you want to honor the pact with Raphael. He calls you my love just like before. He will fulfill the promise sealed that night in the astral sea. All you have to do is say yes. And the ascension cinematic is a callback to the romance scenes from before.

"Follow my lead. Close your eyes. I have so much more to show you."

And you know what. I'll go with you. Even if we will eventually lose both our humanity in our folly, and dreams become nightmares. Even if I'll come to regret that night when I said yes to the mortal you, I don't want you to be lonely. Where ever you go, I'll go. You'll always have me. And I'll always have you.

As God Gale would say… "A toast then, to our myriad ambitions. May we each get what we deserve."

[onlycosmere]

I wasn’t going to say anything about it because, frankly, I regularly read much better criticism of Brandon Sanderson on tumblr.

However, Brandon responded to that Wired article, so I’ll share his response with you all.

Brandon Sanderson:

All,

I appreciate the kind words and support.

Not sure how, or if, I should respond to the Wired article. I get that Jason, in writing it, felt incredibly conflicted about the fact that he finds me lame and boring. I’m baffled how he seemed to find every single person on his trip--my friends, my family, my fans--to be worthy of derision.

But he also feels sincere in his attempt to try to understand. While he legitimately seems to dislike me and my writing, I don't think that's why he came to see me. He wasn't looking for a hit piece--he was looking to explore the world through his writing. In that, he and I are the same, and I respect him for it, even if much of his tone seems quite dismissive of many people and ideas I care deeply about.

The strangest part for me is how Jason says he had trouble finding the real me. He says he wants something true or genuine. But he had the genuine me all that time. He really did. What I said, apparently, wasn't anything he found useful for writing an article. That doesn't make it not genuine or true.

I am not offended that the true me bores him. Honestly, I'm a guy who enjoys his job, loves his family, and is a little obsessive about his stories. There's no hidden trauma. No skeletons in my closet. Just a guy trying to understand the world through story. That IS kind of boring, from an outsider's perspective. I can see how it is difficult to write an article about me for that reason.

But at the same time, I’m worried about the way he treats our entire community. I understand that he didn’t just talk about me, but about you. As has been happening to fantasy fans for years, the general attitude of anyone writing about us is that we should be ashamed for enjoying what we enjoy. In that, the tone feels like it was written during the 80s. “Look at these silly nerds, liking things! How dare they like things! Don’t they know the thing they like is dumb?”

As a community, let’s take a deep breath. It’s all right. I appreciate you standing up for me, but please leave Jason alone. This might feel like an attack on us, on you, but it’s not. Jason wrote what he felt he needed--and as a writer, he is my colleague. Please show him respect. He should not be attacked for sharing his feelings. If we attack people for doing so, we make the world a worse place, because fewer people will be willing to be their authentic selves.

That said, let me say one thing. You, my friends, are not boring or lame. In Going Postal, one of my favorite novels, Sir Terry Pratchett has a character fascinated by collecting pins. Not pins like you might think--they aren't like Disney pins, or character pins. They are pins like tacks used to pin things to walls. Outsiders find it difficult to understand why he loves them so much. But he does.

In the book, pins are a stand-in for collecting stamps, but also a commentary on the way we as human beings are constantly finding wonder in the world around us. That is part of what makes us special. The man who collects those pins--Stanley Howler--IS special. In part BECAUSE of his passion. And the more you get to know him, or anyone, the more interesting you find them. This is a truism in life. People are interesting, every one of them--and being a writer is about finding out why.

In that way, the ability to make Stanley interesting is part of what makes Pratchett a genius, in my opinion. That's WRITING. Not merely using words. It’s what I aspire to be able to do. People are wonderful, fascinating, brilliant balls of walking contradiction, passion, and beauty. I find it an exciting challenge to make certain that the perspective of the washwoman or the monk sitting and reading a book is as interesting in a story as that of the king or the tech-mogul.

And I find value in you. Your passion for my work is a big part of why I write. You make my life special. Thank you.

(NOTE: I do want to make it clear, again that I bear Jason no ill will. I like him. Please leave him alone. He seems to be a sincere man who tried very hard to find a story, discovered that there wasn't one that interested him, then floundered in trying to figure out what he could say to make deadline. I respect him for trying his best to write what he obviously found a difficult article.

He’s a person, remember, just like each of us.)

[lonesomedreamer]

SNW Liveblog: Episodes 6 & 7

“Lift Us Where Suffering Cannot Reach”

I do get the concept of having an interning cadet performing various duties across all divisions…I just highly doubt that said cadets would ever be entrusted with the ship’s phaser banks—for obvious reasons!

Now this look is what I’m talking about. Yeah, it’s tacky and cheap-looking, but it’s also geometric, iridescent, eye-catching…retrofuturism, baby!

“This is my Number One.” Is Pike allergic to the term “first officer”?

At least part of my question about M’Benga’s daughter was answered! She does know that her father is keeping her in the medical transporter.

Somehow, I doubt that this alien child with a genius-level IQ would say “Deal!”

Christine being good with kids is still canon. <3

Ah, yes, the condescending “our technology is so vastly superior to yours that you wouldn’t understand it” aliens.

52,000 times the speed of light? “Wow, that’s super slow.” Annoying!

Spock’s interaction with this kid is really cute, though.

“[My phaser’s] not on stun.” It should be! Jesus, Pike!!!

Oh, look: Sam Kirk, who might have been dead for the last three full episodes, appears out of nowhere! And no one’s even going to acknowledge that he’s been MIA for an undisclosed period of time.

I know a lot of people love Anson Mount’s Pike and find him to be the ideal Starfleet captain—but imo, he lacks both Kirk’s warmth and charisma and Picard’s eloquence and discipline. Though he’s had his moments, neither his lines nor the way he delivers them are doing anything for me. It usually seems like he’s doing just that: reading lines.

“Here, on Enterprise.” It’s THE Enterprise, dammit.

Pike finally expressing some genuine emotion is refreshing.

This plot twist is horrific and reminds me of Stephen King’s The Tommyknockers, in which aliens also use living beings as “batteries”.

Even acknowledging my deep bias in favor of previous installments, I feel like both Kirk and Picard would have caught on sooner and/or done more in an effort to save that little boy—done anything they could, in fact! Pike just struggles a little, then goes back to his cabin for a shot of liquor. I also don’t think Kirk or Picard would’ve listened to such empty excuses about how well, Federation children suffer, too! Because frankly, fuck that noise.

This episode did feel very Trek, like you could swap out the SNW cast with, say, the TNG cast (though imo, the outcome would have been different…or at least, the crew’s involvement would have differed). I’ve seen a few people suggest that this is a “needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few” situation, or call the scenario a “moral dilemma,” and I disagree in both cases, especially considering the technology and general knowledge of the featured alien society is shown to be wildly more advanced than that of the Federation. There’s no conceivable reason they should remain on a hostile planet on which their mere existence depends on a never-ending cycle of child torture. Are we meant to think that the “voluntary” disintegration chambers are ethical in “A Taste of Armageddon” just because humans are capable of killing, too? No! (That said, the episode does raise an interesting question about consent: obviously, the First Servant cannot consent to becoming a power source…so can M’Benga’s daughter consent to being kept in stasis in the medical transporter?)

The Good: Some good costumes—authentic Trek vibes—actually visiting an alien planet—M’Benga’s daughter.

The Bad: Holier-than-thou aliens who condescend and use whataboutism arguments—a lot of this episode is just illogical in many ways—the false moral dilemma/dichotomy.

“The Serene Squall”

Whyyyy is T’Pring back already, and why does she have a personal log that’s being used as narration to open an episode? Who’s asking for more T’Pring??

“I have been doing research on human sex.” Spock and I are on the same wavelength here.

Fortunately, the real power couple appears in the very next scene!

Christine, like me, is thinking: I really don’t want to talk about your girlfriend, Spock.

“I need a friend.” :( Hailing Kirk and McCoy—come to the rescue of this sad Vulcan boy!

This is another very cute Spockstine heart-to-heart…but the cringe dialogue strikes again: “Pro tip!” SNW is going to seem so dated a decade from now. It’s sad.

Starfleet calls Pike “their Boy Scout”? In his official file? That’s…weird—and it’s ripped off from Carol Marcus’ (deragatory) nickname for Kirk. It’s also going to be awkward when Kirk, who’s younger than Spock, takes over the Enterprise in the not-so-distant future. (I guess in theory it’s going to be ~8-10 years in the future, but since I know that a) they introduce Kirk in this series, and b) he’s probably not going to be 22 in-universe, I somehow doubt that he’ll be waiting in the wings to take over for years.

“It looks like a net…except, you know, made of lasers.” Once again, I am asking: who tf okayed this script? It’s so BAD.

What’s “playing fast-and-loose with the rules” about the captain leading a landing party? Pike’s done so multiple times already on this show, without taking the many times Kirk did it into account, of course—it’s only in the twenty-fourth century that it becomes frowned upon/against regulations (probably because of what happened in the twenty-third, lol).

Ahhh, I do love this—very close to the look of TOS!

Spock and Aspen got in the turbolift from the Bridge, went to another deck, and then run into…the Bridge crew being led into the corridor as prisoners??? Make it make sense.

Lmfao of course Aspen was married to a Vulcan, which at this time is so rare that surely Spock—the son of a human woman who’s also married to a Vulcan man—would already know about it, at least in passing, especially since Aspen is ex-Starfleet?

I see. She was lying…which Spock should probably have figured out based on her claim to be married to a Vulcan.

Unfortunately she’s not a better actress as “Angel.” Now she’s just really over-the-top.

“One of Vulcan’s favorite sons” Despite Sarek’s social rank, I really doubt that’s true of Spock yet. He’s also definitely not T’Pring’s “one true love” lol.

But that’s the thing: T’Pring doesn’t love Spock. We all know that! (Someone on this Bridge does love him, though!)

Angel’s threats to kill Spock are empty, because we, as the audience, know that there’s absolutely NO chance of him dying.

THIS is the context of their first kiss?? A fake-out?!? After 57 years, I guess I’ll take what I can get, but it’s still disappointing.

Christine hasn’t even had much of a chance to flirt with or pine for Spock. I’m only watching SNW for this ship, so I can’t believe I’m complaining, but where’s the build-up? The not-so-slow burn? It’s just bad writing. So, the norm for this show.

It is a great kiss, though.

And then T’Pring says she knew it was a ruse all along, and they just…get back together? Like nothing happened? When Spock and Christine’s mutual attraction is obvious (despite that I said about build-up)??? Thanks, I hate it.

“I know for certain there’s no feelings between us.” Except there clearly are, and this line is a total betrayal of Christine’s character. Again. She was always more than a lovelorn nurse, but she did always love Spock, from “The Naked Time” on, unashamedly! So for this Christine to say that she “knows” there are no feelings between herself and Spock after they made out in public, regardless of the reason…sure, fine, whatever!

Stonn is in the credits. He must be the guy T’Pring is with at the very end of the episode, I guess? And if so, hopefully that mean she’ll disappear from Spock’s storyline to carry on her own “affair” soon…?! (Not holding my breath.)

I have yet to watch any movie after Search for Spock, so I’m stuffing my fingers in my ears re: anything to do with Sybok. I’ve somehow avoided spoilers for 3+ years, so don’t need to be influenced by a bunch of retconning before I’m even properly introduced to the dude in canon.

So you can probably tell that I didn’t care about the pirate plotline at all. Was it good? Was it memorable? Was it at least funny? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’m just here for the Spockstine, y’all. But I did notice Uhura wasn’t in this episode…which, tbh, is fine since she’d probably be wasted by the writers.

The Good: So much Spock/Christine interaction, especially that kiss! T’Pring breaking up with Spock. The writers remembering that Orions exist.

The Bad: Cringe dialogue—Aspen/Angel’s acting—the kiss being a fake-out—T’Pring immediately re-bonding with Spock.

[rollflasher]

So, since I’ve been fond of writing pseudo-essay type of posts regarding Sonic, I might as well do another one that’s similar to my hot take regarding Shadow, in particular involving a topic I talked about with some friends that involves the character.

Those who follow my blog will be aware that as time went on, I became a lot more critical of the idea of Eggman getting softened in a misguided attempt at making him more human, mostly because this in turn comes with the implication that he’s ‘’not so bad after all’’, despite the fact that the character’s selfish acts don’t match up with that. Well, there is another reason I have for thinking that keeping Eggman an evil bastard gives the character even more depth than what could be initially thought of and it specifically involves his connection with Shadow.

Both Eggman and Shadow are the extensions of Gerald’s will, and the contrast between the two characters’ agency is incredibly interesting to say the least.

Now let me explain what I mean by this, last time I wrote a whole essay about why Shadow’s agency in his devotion to justice is so important, and why he shouldn’t be tied to a morality pet in order to be an unambigous hero, but when you look at Eggman’s character there is a surprising contrast in his own agency and there’s a lot to be said about it.

Just like Sonic, canonically we don’t know much about Eggman’s past other than the fact that Gerald was his hero and role model, but what we do know is that we all did it together he didn’t know exactly what went down when the ARK got shut down, so we can confirm that for all intents and purposes Eggman most likely never angsted about his grandpa’s death, chances are he may have not been aware of it and by the time he did, he probably couldn’t care less by that point. (As a matter of fact, in SA2 when he mentions he found Gerald’s diary, he was more interested in the benefits he could get from it instead of what exactly happened to his grandfather) With this in mind, it’s safe to assume that Eggman did not endure a difficult childhood and probably it was quite the contrary, after all we are talking about a psychopatic manchild who’s massive ego has an endless hunger for attention, that ego had to come from somewhere.

This is a stark contrast with Shadow, who’s past we know very well, he has every reason to hate humans and do evil out of vengeance, whereas Eggman quite frankly lacks any reason whatsoever to hold grudges against the world.

Not only that, but unlike Shadow, Eggman’s motivations are completely selfish. When you think about it, Eggman has gotten chances to redeem himself, he’s worked with Sonic before and in the end of SA2, he got a moment to reflect with Tails...and yet, he still decides to be evil and if that wasn’t enough, with each game he appears to get progressively worse. Why? Because Eggman lacks empathy, he understands others' suffering but is too apathetic, as long as it doesn’t affect him it’s not his problem. All Eggman cares about is having the world all for himself, as he puts it, it doesn’t matter how much damage he causes as long as there is something to conquer, even if he has to enslave others or take lives for that matter. He doesn’t care about allies and when he does show care for his creations, he’s pretty much congratulating himself and we know from the E-Series robots’ perspective that living as Eggman’s creation is not pretty. This makes quite the contrast with how Shadow is troubled by the idea of making a bad use of his powers.

Okay, but what does this have to do with Eggman and Shadow being the extension of Gerald’s will? Simple, Eggman goes against everything his grandfather stood for, but in a way serves as a perfect representation of Gerald’s genius being used for wrong, and in a way mirrors how he ended when he eventually went insane.

Gerald dedicated his life to the benefit of mankind and was genuinely a good man who loved his creations as family, hence him considering Shadow his son, and he clearly cared about life-forms like him and Emerl having a soul and being individuals rather than weapons of war. Eggman in contrast only lives for his selfish desires and prefers a world where everyone is devoid of a soul, only living for the benefit of him. Meanwhile, Shadow being a hero out of his own will fits perfectly with the legacy old Gerald had, not because such role was imposed on him, but because that’s his nature.

When Gerald went insane, you can say that he became just as selfish as the people he condemned, because once he jumped the slippery slope, he only cared about satisfying his own wrath and eventually threw away his previous philanthropist ideals. In a way, while not motivated by revenge, Eggman fits perfectly with that selfishness that corrupted Gerald and could be seen as a representation of that darker side of the genius of the Robotnik family being used for malicious purposes.

Shadow represents the good legacy of Gerald while Eggman represents the darkness of it. Both characters had moments where they could have taken another path, but whereas Shadow eventually had the maturity to move on and do good because that’s the right thing to do regardless of having every reason to hold a grudge and not do so, Eggman chose to do evil because he simply refuses to change, the world never wronged him and gave him chances for an epiphany but the doctor is just too emotionally stunted and self-centered to ever change his ways, if there’s no Eggman Empire, life simply has no meaning for him.

Honestly, while Sonic will always be Eggman’s nemesis, I find it fascinating to notice just how deep Shadow and Eggman’s parallels could get, in a way, they can really reinforce the message that it’s choices what defines people, not their past. I think exploring the deeper implications of this makes the Robotnik family more interesting and even somewhat tragic, and is something that could have a lot of potential. Shame that IDW had the perfect chance to explore that but completely wasted it, but that’s besides the point.

Am I analysing a bit too much a franchise about a blue hedgehog? Probably, but it’s still pretty fun.

[yrpreciousmoon]

My brain is doing weird things right now so I’m channeling this energy into spitting out some thoughts~ Here we go binches, it’s time for Akira (& Akirohan) hcs!

First of all... and this is a big one... after his time in prison, Akira is a new man. A punch-drunk crime spree REALLY wasn’t worth three years of only being allowed to play shitty fucking guitars in their shitty fucking music room. That alone was enough to ground him (lol, electricity humor) and convince him to change his ways. The major way this manifests is him being really into meditation. He likes to (and frankly, has to) step outside of emotional moments to breathe and get some perspective. This doesn’t mean he isn’t thinking horrible things about you, it just means he’s going to tuck those thoughts away for later when he can write a nice hook under them.

He’s still a kleptomaniac at heart, and gets a thrill whenever the opportunity to steal presents itself. (huh? wha? me, projecting? never!)

He’s also kind of a huge manga nerd, and when first meeting someone will size them up to determine if he should let this fact go unmentioned or if he should invite them in to see his obscene collection of tankoban and figurines.

It’s been established in canon that he’s a fan of PDB, but let’s be real, it’s his absolute /fave/ and he’s a wreck waiting for each monthly update.

He may or may not sneak PDB references into his songs, but only the real fans will get it.

Which leads us to...

The key to their relationship is that Rohan makes Akira laugh. Usually, it’s because the mangaka says out loud what Akira /wants/ to say. His dry humor and lack of fucks to give absolutely delights Akira. (And getting a reaction out of someone that /isn’t/ utter disgust gives Rohan ALL the serotonin.)

He also genuinely thinks Rohan is a creative genius, and sometimes he’ll be watching his partner work, or even just idly doodle, and be awestruck. He never grows out of being a Rohan Kishibe stan.

But sometimes he’ll find out about something Rohan’s working on through a press release and be LIVID that Rohan never mentioned it. (”Oh, I must have forgotten.”)

Rohan tends to hover somewhere on the aro/ace spectrum (possibly demi, but he’s infuriatingly vague about it and never gives anyone a straight answer) whereas Akira leans more towards bi/pan. It takes them time to find their rhythm, but love is at the core of it (neither of them will ever admit this).

Rohan is secretly into bdsm (I’m convinced this is canon, but that’s a discussion for another day). Akira is very into him being into it.

To satisfy his red-blooded urges, Akira is allowed to flirt (and perhaps do more); however, 9 times out of 10 it just makes Rohan determined to prove that no one can satisfy his man as good as he can. 

Akira thinks Rohan is the most amazing person in the world. Rohan thinks Akira is everything he wishes he could be.

Bonus: Akira is haunted by having taken a life, and will periodically check in on Okuyasu, if at a distance. Thank u for coming to my Ted Talk

[reidsconverse]

matchmaker • spencer reid

Spencer X Fem!reader

Warnings: None!

Based on this request: Omg blurb where the team is having a night out and the girls and the guys are separated at the bar hanging out and all the girls are talking about who the hottest guy is and everyone says Derek and reader says she thinks spencer is hotter and everyone is kinda shocked and then Penelope tells him/tries to get them together?? (sorry its almost a month late anon)

“Oh my god, look at him go.” Garcia said, pointing at Derek who was currently in the middle of the dance floor surrounded by girls. This came as no surprise to any of you, he was known for his good looks and charming personality, both of those combined made him a catch to most girls.

“God, theres a reason he’s the most attractive guy on the team. Oh look at him move!” She squealed which made you giggle. Yeah, Miss Penelope Garcia was most definitely drunk.

“Hey,” Emily said in disagreement, she was equally as drunk which led to her having even less filter than normal, “Hotch is up there, something about how he’s always so tense just does it for me. I just wanna hold him down, loosen him up and show him who’s actually in charge, y’know.”

JJ groaned in disgust, not wanting to think of her superior in that way, “Ok Emily, time to slow down.” Her mom side coming out as she slyly replaces Emilys vodka with some water.

“What about you Y/N? Derek or Hotch... ooo what about Papa Rossi...? Garcia asked animatedly, wiggling her eyebrows and laughing at her addition of the older man who honestly, you viewed as a father.

“First of all, please never say that again. Secondly, none of them.” You said, taking a sip of your drink, now you certainly weren’t sober, but you also weren’t the drunk enough to reveal your secret crush... or so you thought.

“Oh come on,” JJ spoke up, “you’re telling me you find neither of them attractive.”

“No Jennifer, I just don’t think they’re the most attractive...” You said, a slight smile on your face.

Emily adorably scrunched up her face in confusion before it hit her. “No way... Dr Genius, really?” She didnt mean it in a bad way, you had just never outwardly expressed anything but a friendly interest in the doctor.

You felt the 3 girls stares boring into you and you caved. “Ok Ok, yes personally its Spencer. I’ve liked him since I first started but he would never be interested in me so lets not discuss it”

Penelope’s face lit up at your confession, completely ignoring your request. “Ooooo y/n, oh you have to tell him, oh you’d be so cute together.” Her voice was progressively getting louder and you didnt wanna risk anyone overhearing.

“Pen, seriously, he wouldn’t be interested, I mean he can do so much bett-“ You started, before you were cut off by Penelope.

“Dont be ridiculous, have you seen the way that boy looks at you, he’s totally into you.” She said, and before you could realise what was happening, she was calling him over.

“Penelope no what are you do-,” You began to protest but stopping when he approached the table. “Hey Spence.” You waved up at him, earning a smile in return.

“Hey! What’s up?” He asked.

“Reid, JJ was just about leave and she’s mine and Emily’s ride so I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind keeping our good friend Y/N here company” She said, slightly slurring her words and smiling as she looked back and forth between you and him. Oh my god you were gonna kill her.

“Uhh, sure yeah I have to wait for Derek anyway, I promised to drive him home.” He said, nodding towards the man in the middle of the dancefloor, clearly too drunk to be driving himself.

Penelope glanced at the other two girls, who quickly began gathering their things in order to leave. She placed a hand on Reids shoulder and smiled at him. “You, Spencer Reid, are a good friend.” She said before leaning down to whisper in your ear. “Maybe even boyfriend.”

She pulled away before you could say anything back, giggling to herself before wishing us goodbye and joining Emily and JJ by the door.

You watched them leave, as Spencer took a seat next to you, “Sooo... how’s your thesis going?” He asked, genuinely interested in your work which made you smile, Penny was right about one thing, he was a really good friend.

“Uhh its ok, research is a killer and I kinda hit a dead end but i’m getting back into it.” You replied, and he nodded. It was quiet for a second as you fiddled with your glass.

“I-“ “So-“ You both said at the same time, making you laugh nervously.

“You first.” You offered, and he nodded. He also seemed nervous about what he was gonna say which made you curious.

“I- uh, I kinda overheard your conversation earlier...” He said, and your smile instantly dropped, and you could feel your stomach churning. He knew your secret, he knew that you liked him.

“Oh my god, Spencer i’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” You said, about to begin a rambling of apologies when he quickly cuts you off.

“No! No you didn’t. I just, it was unexpected. Why would you think I wouldn’t be interested?” He asked, head tilting to the side as he looked you like a small confused puppy.

You looked down at your glass and sighed, “C’mon Spence, you’re you...” His confused silence made you elaborate, “You’re amazing Spencer, you’re kind, smart, funny and... and frankly you’re incredibly attractive. You’re way out of my league.”

You looked up when you felt his hand gently graze yours, Spencers aversion to touch was well known by everyone at the fbi, so this physical...almost intimate contact came as surprise.

“I- I’m not good at this,” He stuttered and it was your turn to be confused but luckily he continued. “I’m pretty sure I’ve been in love you from the first day we met and... I know that might be ridiculous to say because we havent spent much time together and love at first sight isn’t that common, actually a study showed that-“

Whilst you normally loved to listen to your favourite genius ramble on about facts and figures, right now all you wanted was to tell him you loved him too, honestly it felt like a pinch me moment and if it weren’t for the warmth of his hand against yours, you would’ve thought it was a dream.

“Spencer,” You looked up at him and smiled, gently squeezing the hand that was holding yours as reassurance... to tell him it was real, “I love you too.”

He slowly leaned in, his eyes darting from your lips to your eyes silently asking if it was ok to kiss you and you didn’t hesitate to pull him forward and do what you had been waiting forever to do, your lips moulding together perfectly as if they were built for each other.

Little did you know that Derek was filming the whole thing to send to Garcia, who no doubt would not stop talking about what a matchmaker she is, and truthfully shes a damn good one.

[ellynneversweet]

For the reverse unpopular opinion meme, what's your favorite adaptation of a Jane Austen book, and why?

My absolute, sentimental favourite is the 05 Pride and Prejudice, partly because it’s a genuinely good film and partly because it came out when I was just barely eighteen and my favourite media franchises were, uh, Pirates of the Caribbean and Spooks.

This is a reverse unpopular opinion IMO (although the definition’s a bit vague) because of the loyalty to the 95 version as the one true adaptation; but! this is a good vibes ask meme so here’s your good vibes:

- Joe Wright is a good director who uses cinematography in a thoughtful and interesting way. The lighting is incredible and manages to make different times of day and night look beautiful and readable while still reading like the intended time. The foley and soundtrack genuinely adds to the storytelling, although it’s sometimes a little dubiously mixed for home viewing.

- the costuming reflects a very mid-2000s attitude toward period dramas. Whatever. I love Lizzy’s homemade dresses and the all-white ball and the very careful progression of fabrics and colours literally softening up Darcy’s wardrobe.

- The main characters look and feel young. Elizabeth looking red and sweaty and frankly post-orgasmic when Darcy sees her at the Meryton assembly is a three second introduction to ‘this is a story about a repressed nerd suddenly confronted with hormones’ (and bookends the ~controversial~ setting of the second proposal lingering on Darcy wandering dewily through a meadow with his shirt open). Continuing on this point, I think Joe Wright has a better grasp on the characterisation of basically-good-but-young men than uh, some other people. They’re not assholes (except Wickham) but they are strutting, preening idiots who check their moustaches in shop windows and practise proposing to each other.

- the casting is spot on. Lydia is a a gawky baby with spots and an oily t zone. Kitty won’t stop eating and making badly timed jokes. Mrs Bennet is annoying and deeply sympathetic, as she should be. Jane has actual depth! Elizabeth is, in fact, just as she should be — a clever, sarcastic twenty year old who thinks very highly of herself. I won’t hear any criticism of her giggles by people who apparently forget that Elizabeth Bennet laughs in text. Caroline is, I can’t stress this enough, actually clever and attractive in a way that her crush doesn’t respond to, rather than an objectively repulsive hag bitch. Matthew McFadyen is an underrated comic genius and I laugh every time he nearly takes out Tom Hollander’s Mr Collins with an elbow in the Netherfield ballroom.

— the family relationships feel right. The Bennet girls steal each other’s wine and drape over each other on couches and tell each other off; Mr Bennet makes dad jokes, Mrs Bennet is correctly shown to be worried for her daughters as much as herself (while still doing everything wrong). Mr Gardiner and Mrs Bennet are believable as middle-aged siblings. Georgiana is a bit bubblier than she should be, but I’ll overlook that because of the way she displays the inescapable instinct to embarrass one’s older sibling in front of their crush.

— it’s an adaptation, not an audiobook. Changes are made from the source material; yes. P&P is kind of a dense story, although Austen writes with surprising economy. It’s got a large cast, and a lot of it is about emotional change and reflection. That’s not easy to film, and I think most of the choices make sense. Furthermore, it’s a brave choice to take something as well known as P&P and try to engage with it on the level of the emotional core of the story, rather than doing a plodding beat-by-beat that gets the wording of the dialogue right while ignoring the point like some kind of high school cold reading of This Year’s Compulsory Shakespeare.

Also, it’s got Real Art in it, and the fake art (props) is sensitively done and not printed out from a photo run though an ‘oil paint’ filter. That’s like, literally all I need to watch a movie.

[captainshadowgirllostfan]

So there’s this guy whose comments always sort of bothers me even though I half agree with what he’s saying, and I couldn’t resist commenting but it turned into an essay and now I just want to share:

“I kinda disagree with your notion on "improved character"... frankly I don't think a good character has to be likable. He/she has to have flaws and bring something to the story. By that notion, I personally would've probably prefered a mean Billy because I prefer continuity. This idea that Sheldon has got his entire history wrong is discrediting one of the most popular and iconic characters in Big Bang into nothing more than an idiot. Never mind that Young Sheldon is deliberately not showing key events mentioned in the Big Bang show. Sheldon says that Billy put something deep into his nose. Maybe that was his mind, that whatever was put in his nose wasn't that deep and he just thinks that. That's fine. But the fact is that it must have happened. I saw an article the other day by screenrant (horrible publication like most papers about entertainment that just spat out drivel to appease the creators instead of what people are really thinking but then are people really thinking when they watch these shows?) that Missy apparently forgot her childhood and how she and Sheldon split rooms when they were older and how the easy bake oven story might happen in the future except why would a 12-year-old Missy play with an easy bake oven when easy bake ovens are mostly for elementary kids. This Missy seems keen to grow up. Anyway, I do agree that Billy has become developed. There are hints that he's going to grow troubled. They're making Billy more relevant and I do love complicated characters. So if they're going to do the same to Billy as they did with George Sr, show why Billy became mean to Sheldon (I'm sure there was a justifiable reason. Sheldon says previously that he wished he was more mindful of Billy's feelings about his father leaving him when he complained about how he'll never get back the data he lost in his computer and how Billy would never understand that) then I'm okay with that, just like I do like how they're showing a very understandable reason why George Sr is kind of distant to Mary and why he's having problems committing to his marriage (though he is trying...) and his family and that the guy made so many sacrifices for his family over his own happiness. George Sr, in my opinion, is the best character in the show. As is George Jr. (even though I would've preferred to see what was said in Big Bang. A drunk father who was too macho, manly, and domineering, and kind of an idiot...Georgie is the only one that fits continuity which is why I have the least problems with him but I've come to love George Sr honestly. I love his story arc and how much the character tries, honestly, he tries so hard with his family to be a good husband and father and everyone just puts him down. This man deserves better. He deserves a reward.) though I honestly do wonder if that "cheating" will even happen because well you know everything Sheldon says in Big Bang is just a misunderstanding and he's basically wrong about...everything... sighs. tbh that does seem to be what the writers are doing. 187 IQ genius, idiot about the things going on around him.”

I’m sorry Young Sheldon’s lack of continuity and it’s excuse of Sheldon just didn’t know, misunderstood the situation, and was just basically wrong about everything will always annoy me. Why you ask? Because the moments where he becomes fragile, where he breaks down and spouts out some childhood tidbits of his are so genuine and seemingly traumatic for him, that I’m like seriously? 

You’re just going to sidebrush the fact that this character seemed bothered that he could never relate to his father because his father wanted him to be into football, hunting, and archery when he would’ve preferred to do science. 

You’re going to sidebrush the arguments his parents had that he listened to but apparently “misunderstood” when his dad was shooting up his mother’s china or when his mother prayed for the will to not grind up glass in his father’s own meatloaf?

You’re going to sidebrush the fact that his mother said that his father once fought a bobcat for a stick of liquorice?

Or the fact that his father after getting angry at the Dolphin’s win, wanted to shot the television and actually did. (I hope this gets shown in Young Sheldon).

Or how Sheldon used to cry after hearing his parents argue and how his mother admonished his father to stop yelling because Shelly’s crying and George Sr answers “He’s upset because his name is Sheldon”.

Or how Missy mentions that Sheldon created a Death Ray against the neighborhood kids who used to pick on him but instead pissed off the neighbor’s dog (I believe this might’ve been off-handedly mentioned in Young Sheldon though when Georgie asks one of the neighbor’s to buy a snowglobe and again when Mary confronts Brenda and Herb about their dog and Brenda mentioned I think the Death Ray) 

Or how he messed with her Easy Bake oven and it fizzled out her eyebrows so that her mom had to scribble on eyebrows when she entered the second grade (the series happens a bit later when Sheldon is 9 years old so I guess this could be excused but god that screen rant article annoyed the hell out of me). 

Or how he created a CAT scanner and tried to use it on her hamster Snowball but ended up killing Snowball and suffering radiation burns. How about that saying that came about after that incident, “Not a Snowball’s chance in a CAT scanner”. That saying is NOT even mentioned in the entire series!!!

Or how he tried to bring free electricity in his own neighborhood only for the Feds to come and ruin his project... (though actually I think they did try to make an episode... an episode probably exist of this actually so there’s at least that)

Or how he messed with the staircase for an experiment and broke his father’s clavicle. 

And how he had to go to boarding school (which was never shown in Young Sheldon. It just shows him going to high school with his older brother). 

Or how their dog Lucky got run over by a truck.

Or how Sheldon asked for a centrifuge for his birthday and got a dirt bike instead and was so upset about it that he came to hate birthdays. They don’t even show him hating birthdays! Just that he didn’t want to attend a birthday party. What about his own birthday? His and Missy’s?

Am I missing anything else? Please be free to add more if anyone can think of anything.

The point is, Young Sheldon is a good show, but it sucks as a prequel in my opinion. It’s retconning so much. 

Exhibit 1, Sheldon’s family which is hinted to be poor IS NOT POOR. They are middle-class. 

Exhibit 2, young Sheldon for some strange reason is dressed up like he’s a young version of Bill Nye or Urkel instead of the superhero tees that’s shown throughout the series and we know how neurotic scientist does not like change. Why is he dressed up like a middle-schooler as an adult but like a grown up (a dorky grown up) as a child? 

Exhibit 3, George Sr is shown to drink a lot but no where does it indicate that his drinking is causing problems to the family aside from the fact that it’s eating their finances. It’s hinted that George Sr’s drinking has caused problems in his marriage with how much Mary wanted him to stop. In Young Sheldon, Mary barely tries to do anything about George Sr’s drinking. 

Exhibit 4, Mary in Big Bang seems exasperated by Sheldon’s neurotics, in Young Sheldon, she indulges them (though it is likely she changes her methods of dealing with Sheldon later on...)

And again like I mentioned, it doesn’t bother to show the scenes mentioned by Sheldon. Instead it deliberately tries to make it like he’s got his personal memories wrong. He. The guy with the eidetic memory who can remember Penny’s outfits and menstrual cycle and also when Howard and Leonard made a pact to never date Priya. Like wth is with this show. I’m sorry as a Big Bang fan...Idk how you can like Young Sheldon without ignoring the fact that it’s a prequel. Because it’s a great show, but it sucks as a prequel.

[cacoetheswriting]

fluff alphabet - spencer reid

A = Attractive (what do they find attractive about the other?)

It would be safe to say you’re strangerly attracted to his genius. Many people find it annoying, how he spits facts completely unwarranted, but not you. His vast knowledge of quite literally anything is what sparked your interest in the young doctor in the first place.

Spencer on the other hand is captivated by your smile. The kindness behind it; how truly genuine it always is. He especially likes when he is the reason that smile spreads across your face, from cheek to cheek, illuminating your perfect features.

B = Baby (do they want a family? why/why not?)

Definitely yes, and you know Spencer would make a great dad. He has a way with kids and it comes to him so naturally. Frankly you can’t wait for the day you get to tell him you’re expecting.

C = Cuddle (how do they cuddle?)

One arm wrapped securely around you, pulling you in as close to him as possible. Your head resting on his shoulder landing just below his chin. He smells your hair taking in the scent of your shampoo before placing a soft kiss on the top of your head. 

D = Dates (what are dates with them like?)

He likes to take you out to the movies where you share popcorn and a large soda. A lot of coffee dates where he enlightens you on books he read or reread and you fill him in on the latest pop culture gossip. Nothing too adventurous but never boring.

E = Everything (“you are my ____” (e.g my life, my world…))

“You’re my home.” Spencer whispered, his hands cupping your face. You blinked a couple of times registering what he just said but before you got a chance to respond he continued. “When I’m with you, I feel so comfortable and at peace. I can truly be myself around you, no judgement or scrutiny.” He took a soft breath. “When I’m with you I feel at home and that doesn't make much sense to me but you’ve told me before that not everything has to make sense. Especially when it comes to love.”

F = Feelings (when did they know they were falling in love?)

One evening at a bar with your friends you repeated a fact to the group that Spencer had told you earlier in the week. It caught him off guard because no-one really listens to the rambles that come out of his mouth. Yet here you were, the biggest smile on your face as you reiterated: “chewing gum boosts concentration.”. You glanced at the young doctor from across the table. His eyes lit up as they locked with yours. That’s when he knew. 

G = Gentle (are they gentle? If so, how?)

Spencer is one of the gentlest souls you have ever met. He has an incredibly pure and kind heart. He always puts you first and would never dare to do anything that could hurt you. Your happiness is his priority and even though he’s not the most physical person he always does everything in his power to make you see how loved you are. 

H = Hand/Hold (how do they like to hold? how do they like to hold hands?)

For many reasons he isn't the biggest fan of public displays of affection. But when he does hold your hand, he traces down your fingers gently with his own before intertwining them. He’d then lift your hand to his lips and place a soft kiss on your knuckle.

I = Impression (first impression/s)

At first Spencer found you quite hard to read. He’s usually not good at social cues or interactions therefore it took him longer than the rest of the team to really get to know you. 

You on the other hand were instantly mesmerised by the young doctor. The wealth of knowledge he possessed was captivating and in a way inspiring.

J = Joker (are they into pulling pranks?)

Definitely; Spencer loves a good practical joke. He also has quite a good sense of humour. Not everyone always understands his jokes but they never fail to make you giggle.

K = Kisses (how do they kiss?)

When Spencer kisses you he does so with all his might. Unlike his usual gentle demeanour, when he kisses you it’s always with immense passion. He cups your face with his hands and pulls you in as close as humanly possible. 

L = Love (who says I love you first?)

You do - however completely by accident. “Did you know nutmeg can be fatally poisonous?” Spencer asked as the barista handed you a brown paper bag with a pumpkin dessert bar inside. “A little dash of nutmeg in a pumpkin pie or on your eggnog gives it extra flavour Spencer.” You noted flashing him a smile. “Too much nutmeg, however, can be toxic. Two to three teaspoons of raw nutmeg can induce hallucinations, convulsions, pain, nausea, and paranoia that can last for several days.” He stated. You couldn't help but laugh. “I love you Spencer but I’m not going to die because of a sweet indulgence.” It took you a second to register what you just said. Your free hand travelled to your mouth covering it with a soft gasp. “Shit Spencer, I didn-” “You love me?” He interrupted. All you could do was nod in response. 

M = Memory (their favourite moment together)

After a particularly hard case Spencer drives you home, like he has done so many times before. He walks you to the door of your apartment and waits until you are safely inside. He places a soft kiss on your forehead and says goodnight - which is when you ask him to come inside, stay the night. Rather than going to sleep however you stay up baking what turned out to be the worst brownies either of you have ever tasted. 

N = Nickel (do they spoil? do they buy the person they love everything?)

Spencer is not an overly material person. He prefers to shower you with words of affirmation and subtle compliments. Although when he does give you a gift it is always extremely thoughtful and definitely something that means a lot to the two of you.

O = Orange (what colour reminds them of their other half?)

If he had to associate a colour with you it would be yellow. Yellow - the colour of optimism. The colour of sunshine and enthusiasm. It stimulates the left side of the brain, helping with clear thinking and quick decision making. 

P = Pet names (what pet names do they use?)

He shortened your name. It was unintentional when it first happened but you liked the way it sounded so it stuck. You on the other hand, if you’re not using his first name, usually call him ‘honey’ or ‘sugar’ which he used to hate. If you’re feeling giddy you’ll call him by the original nickname you came up before you were dating: ‘suspence’.

Q = Questions (what are the questions they’re always asking?)

“Are you okay?” - you are his priority therefore he likes to make sure nothing is ever wrong. “Do you need anything?” “How are you feeling?” 

R = Rainy Day (what do they like to do on a rainy day?)

When the weather outside is far from ideal and the two of you are not out working a case, Spencer likes to curl up on the couch with you. He’ll put on an old back and white movie as you provide the drinks.  

S = Sad (how do they cheer themselves/each other up)

If he’s feeling sad you find yourself reaching for a random book on his shelf and reading the first few chapters aloud. His head rests in your lap, eyes closed, as he listens to the sweet sound of your voice. 

If you’re feeling down, Spencer will draw you a bath. He’ll light a couple of candles and dot them around the bathroom. He’ll play relaxing music through the speaker of his phone as the two of you enjoy the warm water together. 

T = Talking (what do they love to talk about?)

The short answer, everything. You never run out of topics to discuss and the conversation flow is always pleasantly smooth. 

U = Unencumbered (what helps them relax?)

Quite simply you. No-one knows Spencer the way you do and even though the two of you haven't been together for very long you know exactly what to say or do to calm him down.

V = Vaunt (what do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

Spencer is modest which is one of the things you admire about him. The one thing he truly shows off is his knowledge of pretty much everything - even if he does it unintentionally. 

W = Wedding (when, how, where do they propose?)

“Almost fifty percent of all marriages in the United States end in divorce or separation.” Spencer said turning off the documentary you just finished watching. “Researchers estimate that forty-one percent of all first marriages end in divorce.” He continued. “Well, lets hope when we get married we’ll be in the lucky fifty-nine percent that lasts.” You teased, a small smile circling your lips.

X = Xylophone (what’s their song?)

Let’s Groove by Earth, Wind & Fire. The song was queued by Penelope at one of Rossi’s famous get togethers - before you and Spencer were dating. She swayed and twirled, soon joined by Morgan, as the rest of the group watched and laughed. You glanced at the young doctor and before he got a chance to protest you dragged him into the middle of the room to dance. 

Y = You’re the ___ to my ___ (e.g the cookies to my milk, the macaroni to my cheese)

“You’re the Holmes to my Watson.” He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Why am I not Watson?” “Because you’re not that kind of doctor.” You nudged Spencer playfully. He couldn't help but laugh under his breath. “That is a terrible analogy.” “Terrible or not, it’s true.” 

Z = Zebra (if they wanted a pet, what pet would they get?)

He wouldn't want a pet for now. The job is too demanding, he’s away for long periods of time and there'd be no-one to take care of it. Perhaps in the future, when you’re married and have kids. Perhaps. 

-

[icybeanheadcanons]

ok ok ok ok I frickin LOVE this blog and finally got the courage for an ask so here we go (only if you wanna, no pressure)- how would Nightmare's Scary Band of Sanses (nightmare, error, killer, horror, and dust) react to a SO who's incredibly badass but kind of crazy? Idk man I'm just thinking of Jack-Sparrow/Mad Hatter type deal; they'll go on what seem to be completely hairbrained schemes right in the middle of battle exept they always EnD Up WOrKinG as if they were genius, thought out plans all along (no one can tell if the SO's incredibly smart or just insane; the SO never confirms which so most just say they're both). nobody knows what this SO is thinking at any given moment. jus gimme fluff and headcannons for an absolute wild card being lovey dovey with a band of au destroying murderers. thank youuuu~

OH I LOVE ME SOME CHAOS GREMLIN, I haven’t gotten too many asks yet for Nightmare, error, killer and dust, as they are the newest editions to the blog. My horror sans isn’t apart of their gang either, as he is just trying to heal from a life time of trauma. (but frankly, the idea of Axe getting a bunch of off their rocker friends showing up at his house, eating his food, bringing him things like little magpies is absolutely hysterical) 

----------------------------------------------------------

Nightmare

He doesn’t understand a single thing you say to him EVER. He doesn’t know how to process positive emotions very well, but he tries very hard. He concludes the wrong thing, constantly. The fact your around him at all, is the absolute hardest thing, for him to process, of all the things. He complains, but frankly, it doesn’t sound even remotely genuine. “You spout nothing but bullshit don’tcha??” You tell him and he’s losing his mind. “yOU  ARE THE ENTIRE MONARCHY OF BULLSHIT??” 

“That’s why I can say it!”

“nO.”

He’s frankly, a big cuddler, one of the biggest signs his words are nothing but bullshit. He sounds exasperated, but he’s smiling. You try to stop cuddling him and he’s pulling you back, or finding some other way to interact or have some semblance of touch with you. 

Error

Teach him the bullshit madness, how do you do things? You... improvise?? Terrible, disgusting, keep your fucking secrets then. For some reason he just, cannot accept that you just Do Things (tm) and its the funniest god damn thing in the world. Everything you do is so not put together and yet, like the mad lad that you are, they WORK. He’s happy you’re with him. He’s not big on touch, its overwhelming and upsetting, so words and the like is enough for him. Its his love language frankly. He doesn’t realize, but you’re part of the reason his schemes fall apart the way that they do. In a comical villain sense. He is one, but you increase that factor tenfold. He’s busy, doing his thing, and you interject with some form of question. “i’M GLAD YOU ASKED-” and there he goes, going off the deep end of his trauma, and absolutely, wrong, conclusions that the multiverse is in need of elimination. 

Killer

He thinks you’re HILARIOUS, and frankly, he’s correct. You guys just kind of go places together, goofing off. He’s distracted from killing when you’re around. You make him laugh and smile for real, and with that, the numbness wears off. The flood comes out and he kind of randomly has a mental breakdown at times, and you just. Scoop him up. Talk him down, and through it. And once he’s done, you both head back out to do more stupid shenanigans. Its easy to be with you, and he’s able to just vibe a little more, like an exhausted demon who decides to start going fishing because murder just doesn’t cut it anymore.

Dust

Papyrus thinks, you should probably calm down, but he thinks Papyrus is WRONG and that you’re GREAT. He’s not really making any sense either, but its okay because you just. Get it. You get that his brother is there, at least in his mind. You get just telling him he isn’t, makes things worse and just upsets him. You help him set up a nice greenhouse, and just, name all his plants with him. You have so many plant babies. Look at em. You don’t judge him, and so he’s able to be so much more open with you. You don’t look at him like he’s insane, or like he’s lost his marbles. He feels like he makes sense and belongs with you. No one understands the two of you, but you guys get each other and that’s all you really need.

Axe

You remind him of a stray cat who can’t sit still. You crawl in through his window, yelling that you come baring gifts, excited and enthusiastically. He’s your tired, aggressive boy, who doesn’t have too much oomf anymore. He never liked what he was doing in the underground, and he’s happy to be on the surface. He always makes sure the window is unlocked so you can come in, as it is your preferred method of entering his house. He never knows when you’ll come, but you always do. And frankly, its sweet that you meet him in the middle everywhere you two go. Every once in awhile, he lets you bring him on an adventure, just for kicks. 

[royalnugget42]

3RD Life x Steven Universe

Green Pearl. It was irregular for an emerald to have a Pearl, but this emerald was one of the best of them. Such a rare gem, and with a more decorated past than any but the diamond commanders. It seemed only fitting that she be gifted a Pearl as reward for years of service to the Diamond authority.

Of course, she didn’t really spend much time with said Pearl. More often than not, she was out fighting insurrections or attending ceremonial battles in the arenas. It didn’t leave much for her Pearl to do really. That’s where the trouble started.

Green Pearl, or just Green, as he liked to call himself, was not a very well behaved gem. The first instance of this being his constant use of he and him. It was a habit he’d picked up from one of the more distant colonies, something that the organic lifeforms apparently used. He just couldn’t get enough of it, and though he didn’t correct his Emerald, that didn’t stop him from correcting everyone else.

He was bored so often. With nothing to do but stand around and hold things and sing songs every now and then. He liked singing, but Emerald didn’t ask him to often, so most days he spent thinking up ways to perform his usual acts of petty mischief. Because Green Pearl absolutely loved to prank people.

Usually these pranks consisted of sneaking up on unsuspecting gems and scaring them. Sometimes he’d make a loud noise, sometimes he’d announce the presence of his Emerald, and sometimes he’d sneak up to just say hello. Something he loved to do was give them strange random items that he’d collected and stored in his gem. He had fabric scraps, balloons, dirt, some flowers, and his favorite, something Emerald had called a tree branch. This he never gave away, choosing instead to poke other gems with it from a distance.

It annoyed other gems of course, but for a Pearl he spent so much time with soldiers who either laughed it off or just ignored him, that he faced little to no punishment most of the time. At most one of the soldiers could call Emerald over, and she’d just sigh and put him in her chambers for awhile.

He was still in there plotting his next practical jokes when she returned, talking loudly into her communicator.

“Yes of course, my diamond. I will of course be present to observe.”

Immediately he hopped up from where he was seated, hands outstretched for anything she needed him to hold. She ignored him, finishing what sounded like a very important conversation.

“Yes my diamond. Thank you for this honor, I am so unutterably flattered. Emerald, out.”

She waited for her diamond, yellow diamond, to hang up, and passed the communicator off to Green. He dutifully stored it in his gem, eagerly awaiting what he assumed was important news.

“There’s to be another tournament, and I will be attending to oversee the event and evaluate the battle. Begin preparations to leave for sector 3,” she instructed.

“Right away, my emerald.”

“Oh and Pearl?”

He frowned slightly, at not being called Green, but replied, “Yes, my emerald?”

“Please, for your sake if not for mine, do try to behave yourself. This will be a very important event, and I’d rather not deal with any of your little pranks.”

Without waiting for a response, she left the room, slamming the door behind her.

Little pranks. It was all he could do to pass the time, though, and other gems fighting each other wasn’t nearly as exciting as they made it seem. It was all respectful dueling and perfectly choreographed movement. At the end of the day it was all staged. It wasn’t a test of skill or instinct, or reflex, just memorization. It bored him to death. They could at least add a few explosions.

Behave yourself. Stay still. Don’t bother the agates, don’t upset the hessonites, don’t ever disobey your emerald. It seemed like at every turn he was ignored and told to sit still and make as little noise as possible. Maybe he should try to behave, just once, but the more he thought about it the more it irked him. No, he would simply have to do the opposite. Maybe if they wouldn’t add explosives to the fight, he’d just have to bring some of his own. He smiled, and brought some of his more secret items out of his gem.

***

Not much can be said about the actual event other than the fact that it was utterly boring until Green managed to sneak away to prepare his joke. Of course, it wasn’t supposed to actually cause any real damage, just some colorful lights and loud noises. Really, that Sardonyx Agate was so oblivious that it was hardly his fault his form was destroyed.

But of course Green took the blame, and there he sat in a room listening to one of the other agates complain and berate him. His punishment was apparently a demotion. He would serve not as an Emerald’s Pearl, but as the Pearl to the Sardonyx he had inadvertently damaged. It was fair enough, he supposed, he just wished he could have at least told off Emerald if he was going to be punished. In for a penny in for a pond right?

But no, he just had to wait quietly for his agate to reform, and then he’d help with whatever it was that an agate does. Maybe it would at least be more interesting working for someone who hated him, but he doubted it. Most likely his agate would just ignore him like everyone else.

It didn’t take long for the reformation to be complete. Green supposed it was a better punishment than being shattered or rejuvenated, but he had to grit his teeth for what would pass through them when the light started shining.

As soon as the agate reformed, Green went into his prepared speech.

“My agate, I’m glad to see you have reformed.”

Sardonyx just looked confused, which was understandable. A Pearl being assigned to an agate, well, it was probably something that very rarely happened, which of course served to make the appointment even more embarrassing.

“I see you are confused, allow me to introduce myself,” he said with a humble bow. “Your physical form was destroyed by some mischief that I caused at the tournament. Therefore, I have come to offer my deepest apologies for my transgression, as well as my service. I am Green Pearl, but you may call me Green if you so choose.”

All in all it was a masterful speech. He had spent a while working out the exact phrasing, and to practice sounding genuine in his regret.

“Well, I am a little surprised, but I accept your service, and your apology.”

“Thank you, my agate,” he said, breathing a small sigh of relief. The Sardonyx wasn’t angry then. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. “I assure you, it will not happen again. I look forward to serving you.”

Green waited quietly for a response, or a dismissal, or something, but when he looked up he saw his Sardonyx staring intently at him.

“Um...my agate?”

Then suddenly his agate laughed. And laughed and laughed. Green started to join in nervously, unsure of what was so funny.

“Oh you nearly had me,” Sardonyx said, still chuckling. “You’re an excellent liar, Green.”

What?

Had he said something wrong? Had something in his manner been incorrect? He had practiced so much. No one could tell when he was lying, not even Emerald! Perhaps this was a test of some kind?

“I...I assure you, I meant every word. I-If you are still upset I understand, but please, I really am sorry!”

“Relax, relax. I’m not upset. You don’t need to lie to me, though. You shouldn’t apologize if you don’t mean it,” Sardonyx said matter of factly, as if he wasn’t accusing Green of something he could be destroyed for.

“Wh-why? Why won’t you just believe me?”

“Are you angry?”

“Yes of course I–“ he cut himself off before worse words could be spoken. He didn’t want to be shattered. I’m the agonizing moment after he made his mistake, before anyone realized what had happened he had come to that conclusion. He didn’t want to be broken.

But if he was going to be shattered anyway, he might as well say what he was really thinking for once.

“You know what? Fine. You want the truth? I’m not sorry, I never have been, for anything that I’ve done. It was your own fault you weren’t paying enough attention to avoid the fireworks and still, even if you were standing directly in the line of fire, I’d do it again in a heartbeat. The look on your face when you got spooked was worth it, it was hilarious.”

Sardonyx looked up as though preparing to interject, but Green just cut the agate off.

“And frankly I added better entertainment than anyone else at that awful tournament! Do you know how agonizing it is to sit there clapping politely for a victory you already know is predetermined? There’s nothing interesting about it. And for the record, when you do have me shattered, feel free to call me Green, because that’s my real name, and use he and him when you refer to me, and–“

“Whoa whoa whoa, why would I have you shattered? This is great!”

Ok, now that was a weird turn to take. Either this agate was especially cruel, and willing to drag it out, or they were being genuine.

“Why...why is it great? I just insulted you, my Emerald, and plenty of other gems.”

“Because I don’t even have to get you one my side about this! You’re already very anti Diamond I bet, and what did you ask me to call you? Green? And you use he and him instead of she and her? That’s so genius, it sounds so much better, wherever did you learn that?”

“Um...thanks...I guess? I just sort of picked it up. Seemed to annoy people so I kept it. You can also use his for when something belongs to you.” Green was very confused now but he wasn’t going to question it. What was the phrase one of the soldiers taught him? Don’t look a gift horse in the towel?

“Yeah, ‘He walked. He is an agate. His Pearl taught him something new.’ Oh that is fantastic, can I use he and him, too?” The Sardonyx was beaming, like he had been given a new toy.

“Sure, I’m...uh...not in charge of you. So…”

“Great. My name is Scar by the way, so you can drop the whole ‘my agate’ thing.”

“Uh...why Scar?” Green asked, growing more curious and less scared by the second.

He replied, “Oh it’s sort of a joke. I have a stripe that looks like a Scar on my chest, so some of the others started calling me Scardonyx, and then it just got shortened to Scar.”

Now that was intriguing. “Others? What do you mean others?” Green asked excitedly.

“Oh just you wait, they’re gonna love you! We already have a Pearl with us, we call her Moon, but she took so much longer to really open up to us. Come on!”

“I’m still confused, where are we going?”

Scar turned around, smiling blindingly bright. Green could see in his eyes that this was someone like him. This agate knew how he felt. Suddenly, for the first time in his life, Green was not alone.

“To freedom, Green. We’re going to freedom.”

[backdraft-bimbo]

The musical genius of Castiel’s confession (15x18 “Despair”)

Let’s talk about the background music during Cas’ monologue; something I haven’t seen a single person in this vast fandom mention, so lemme just let y’all in on some genius moves Supernatural made with this scene. In other words: reason number 194850 of why it’s my absolute favorite. Here we go. 

The scene starts off with obvious tension, since Billie is trying to kill them and there looks to be no way of escape. Supernatural and a variety of other mainstream shows typically use the string section–violins, cellos, bass, et cetera–when needing to emphasize stress or anxiety. It didn’t really catch my attention at the beginning since it seemed like the generic Supernatural horror soundtrack.

But then, Cas finds the figurative light in the tunnel–their hope in a seemingly hopeless situation. Right as he says, “There’s one thing strong enough to stop her”, the string bass cuts out and leaves only violins, which slide into a falling cluster chord and allow a softer, less overwhelming bass to join in. They also used a bit of piano/some kind of mallet instrument to soften the mood even further. Since music tells you a lot about a scene even before the characters say anything, that’s kind of when I was like, Okay this is happening.

As Cas begins talking about how Dean sees himself, the orchestral sounds disappear and the piano takes over. I don’t know if it’s just me, but Supernatural seems to only on seldom occasions use piano. And even rarer occasions use piano alone; it’s almost always accompanied by strings. Just rewatch some of the emotional scenes in the past (Sam’s first death, Cas’ funeral, the Destiel hospital talk) and you’ll notice how Supernatural usually leans toward the clarinet, oboe, and typical orchestral sounds. Sometimes they use no music at all, like in the s5 finale where there was only the howling wind. 

Anyway, I could go line by line on Cas’ monologue and how excellently the music follows Misha and Jensen’s acting and the emotions playing out, but I’m just gonna highlight my favorite parts below the cut. 

“I know how you see yourself, Dean.” As Castiel gets closer to his eventual confession, the most noticeable tone shift starts right here. Clarinets and strings fade out, and the piano arpeggios fade in. There are some noticeable major to minor shifts that kind of caught me off guard because Supernatural rarely goes with that kind of style, at least not in my memory. 

But my absolute favorite part is when the camera cuts to Dean’s face as the piano climbs higher and higher with this gorgeous, romantic tone, right when Cas says in his most genuine voice: “It’s not.” Nothing else in 15x18 could compare to those few seconds of Superior Composition. It wasn’t just the music choice; it was a combination of the excellent acting, how Misha delivered his lines, and the cut to Dean’s lain-bare gaze. 

And the piano just seriously blew me away in this scene. Piano is, quite frankly, the most romantic instrument. I will defend that statement till I die, and I’m certain that its inclusion was not unintentional. It clued me in that something was different about this specific interaction between the characters of Cas and Dean. Like, come on. Just listen to it. 

But even if you completely disregard the music, the message doesn’t come across any less poignant. Context slammed into me with the force of a semi-truck. This man, Dean, has never heard anyone outright deny his faults in favor of his goodness just like that. You can feel the vulnerability in Dean’s eyes, how utterly lost he looks, as Cas tells him all these things that he needs to hear. And man, oh man, that single, fleeting moment redeemed the rest of that entire episode for me. 

Dean hasn’t been on the top of most folks’ Favorite Characters lists for this season. He’s falling apart, hurting those he loves, and going through a very long identity crisis arc. But you gotta take into account that this entire season has been building up the fact that Dean has a temper–this bleeding, aching rage he can’t control, that hurts everyone in its path. And it’s destroying Dean himself too. Right up until this moment. 

“And everyone who knows you, sees it.” Back to the musicality–when Cas finishes the first portion of his speech, it ends on a soft, simple chord. There’s no unnecessary additional instruments–it’s just this assuring, beautiful piano chord that accompanies Cas’ declaration that Dean is a better person than he gives himself credit for. 

Oh, and the piano doesn’t stop there. It just increases in intensity, strings getting louder, building up behind it, until Cas reaches his next declaration: “You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know.” And the piano just gets softer and higher after he says this, gone solo again. There’s this ingenious, continuous play of building up musical intensity with the script until it reaches a climax, cutting back the instruments until only one sound remains, and then restarting it all over again to make the viewer feel something. 

And right after Dean says, “Why does this sound like a goodbye?”, a mournful sounding cello kicks in, and I don’t know how anyone could make a more romantic soundtrack. It’s so good. I swear the more I watch this scene the more I fall in love with it. 

Finally, Cas speaks his deepest truth, an “I love you” to Dean, and the cello continues until he tells Dean goodbye. Thus returns the Sad Supernatural Piano that I’m seriously becoming attached to, and it shifts into orchestral, ending on this tragic, burden-heavy note as Dean tries to comprehend all that Cas has told him. 

I’m personally hoping for more of this kind of composition in the last two episodes since it worked so well with our characters in this episode. (Destiel smooch, pretty please?)

What did y’all think of the music? Personally, I loved it. Tell me what you think. 

[thecreedsgambit]

Sam Dalton, CEO

author's note: i’m not entirely sure what it is that draws me to sam, but i actually enjoy the nanny affair. despite my uppity claims that i would turn my nose up at the plot (which i, in fact, do) and that i would deny choices the satisfaction of spending endless amounts of diamonds on smutty, indecent scenes with a completely fictional man (which i, in fact, do not do), i cannot ignore my attraction toward sam dalton. it has little to do with his personality and intent. quite frankly, i blame it on the soundtrack. there’s a particular track that’s smooth - almost sexily playful - like a steamy but timid caress that throws a casual smirk at potential and possibility. i’ve grown fond of it, and, of course, it’s the very track that plays when sam freshly enters any scene. so, yes, i completely blame the soundtrack. it’s possible i’ve somehow drawn a loose connection between it and sam. whatever it is, i will continue to read tna and roll my eyes at choices seemingly unobstructed ability to rope me into whatever they present me with (much like sam dalton, i suppose).

"for you, i'll risk it all." - unknown

00. At a Glance.

affiliate: the nanny affair

pairing: m!sam x reader

word count: 1972 (fairly short, i know. but this was poking my imagination after today's chapter. i couldn't deny myself the freedom of writing it down.)

summary: you and sam continue to make eye contact during the regatta, despite your pr plan to lie low and ‘meet-cute,’ if that’s what an outsider might refer to it as.

You had long since forgotten the races. In fact, your eyes weren’t trained on the glistening yachts before you. Instead, your gaze latched onto the picturesque waterfront. The sun’s rays bore into the blue depths beyond where you sat, casting a faint reflection that rippled with every rise and fall of the tide. Slowly, methodically, as if your eyes might blink shut at any moment, you let your gaze lazily trace the waves as they lapped against the dock and collapsed against one another, like a playful fight between two warring siblings.

As if on cue, Mason and Mickey billowed past you with a giggling Jovi in their wake. Jordan scrambled after them, sending you an apologetic smile over his shoulder, before calling - rather, begging - for them to slow down. A short chuckle escaped your lips as you returned your sights to the race before you. Your head tilted, just slightly, as the sun cradled your cheek and warmed your skin with the softest touch.

It was nice. A brief moment to rest from the pressure to look and be impressive. For once, being impressed made a rush of tension leave your already heavy shoulders. The majestic waters and stunning views were enough to draw awe and calm the seemingly desperate need to feel warranted and respected.

Your dignity, poise, and grace sloped, only slightly, as you let your shoulders drop and your hands take refuge on your wrist as you fiddled with one of your bracelets.

For just a moment, you were you. And that was enough.

“No, please. Go on, Will.” Marisol’s voice nearly wrenched you from your stupor. You straightened and resumed your position as a subtle reflection of your new peers you’d almost forgotten sat on your right. Marisol gave you an amused smirk, as if hinting for you to join her harmless teasing. “Perhaps your ramblings about the history of yachting might help me place a few bets.”

Marisol took a small sip of her wine, hiding a whimsical smile behind the tip of her glass. Will only huffed and reluctantly turned his attention back to the race. You bit your lip in an attempt to conceal the grin threatening to lace your earnest expression. You feigned a swat on Marisol’s arm before speaking.

“Oh, Will. Marisol’s only joking. I would love to hear the rest.”

With a quick turn back toward the table, Will grinned triumphantly, clearly elated. “I knew it. At least someone appreciates my genius.”

“I’m sure,” Marisol mumbled, taking another quick sip of her drink to avoid bursting into a fit of laughter.

You dared to throw a sly smirk in her direction before giving in and facing Will directly. He’d already dove into several backstories regarding yachting, each going unfinished as he hurried into the next with enough excitement for the three of you combined. A genuine smile graced your lips as you, momentarily, reveled in his enthusiasm.

Unfortunately, much like your attention on the race, your attentiveness was short-lived. As was your politeness.

For a moment, your gaze slipped once more toward the luminescent waters. You had every intention of returning to the conversation at hand and concentrating on whatever quips Marisol was currently, and once again, uttering toward Will, but your eyes regarded the crowd, instead. Briefly, ever so quickly, you made eye contact with him - with Sam.

He had long since fixed his own sights on you. Normally, your heart would flutter and your stomach would lurch at the slightest glance. Reflexively, you’d wander toward him like a moth drawn to a fiery flame, waiting to be engulfed by his very presence. Even under these circumstances, you wanted to. You wanted to make your way toward him and let your fingers get lost in his hair; public images be damned.

But everything you worked toward thus far hung over your head and your shoulders - a load almost too burdensome to carry.

Your eyes widened with alarm, quickly flitting toward Will and Marisol. Not here.

Sam stood in a semicircle with three other men, who seemed to be lost in a conversation Sam took no interest in. His arms rested at his sides, and his fingers swirled a small glass of whiskey, as he continued his ruthless - almost challenging - stare. It didn’t take long for your demeanor to falter and a restless smile dared to break your masked facade. You tried desperately not to squirm under the intensity of his gaze, so you looked away, forcing yourself to come to terms with the ever-enchanting thrills of yacht history.

Except that topic was long gone, and Marisol was waving her hand at a dismayed Will. “You say that every year. Placing a higher bet on Estate Sail hardly makes things any more interesting.”

“What would you propose, then?”

You couldn’t help but to lose focus almost as quickly as you'd gained it; your entire form now rigid under Sam’s steely gaze. Sparing a quick glance in his direction, you noticed he’d done little to disguise his observation of you. Slowly, painfully so, he brought his whiskey glass to his lips and took a slow drink. His eyes never once left yours.

It was intoxicating. Entirely too heavy. Your chest nearly felt hollow as your heart dropped to the pit of your stomach and heat rushed to your cheeks.

Your own stare fell to his chest, sweeping over his broad frame as you consumed every aspect of his person. The purple button-down he wore was quickly becoming your favorite as your eyes traced his taunt muscles under the fabric. His exposed chest seemed to catch the sprawling daylight as the sun chased his neckline and washed over his tan skin with every regard to the glow of his complexion.

Daringly, your eyes fell lower until you cautiously eyed his brown belt. You wondered just how quickly your fingers could trail over each and every loop and how any such movement might elicit a delicious sound from Sam’s lips. You even ventured to imagine one of his hands working the belt off in one, swift motion -

Your eyes snapped back to his. He arched one eyebrow, subtly, as a knowing smirk crossed his seemingly neutral expression. You wavered, feeling absolutely powerless under his scrutiny. Biting your lip, you pointedly angled away from him and desperately made every attempt to heed Will’s words.

Oh just how timely that was.

“I don’t know about that. I’m sure Steffi will take an interest eventually. What about you, (y/n)?” Will’s easy smile made you relax despite how quickly your startled heart raced. You struggled to remember the last thing you heard as Will shrugged. “I know I can be a bit long-winded, but I hope you’re enjoying the races.”

“Yes, you fit right in with us now.” Marisol gave you a genuine smile of her own. “Despite what some people may think, aren’t you glad you decided to join us today?”

You maintained a steady smile as you pushed pesky thoughts of Lana out of your head. “I am. Where else will I hear the harrowing history of yachting or place a wager on anything other than Estate Sail?”

“Hey,” Will warned good-naturedly, laughing despite himself.

Marisol noticed Jovi running after a makeshift sail the twins had tied to a string and shook her head with a warm smile. She and Will turned back to discussing their children and Sterling Academy as you chanced another glimpse of the crowd. Sam still stood firmly in his spot. The men surrounding him were pointing at the yachts in the distance and making idle conversation as Sam’s attention remained on you and only you.

He offered his counterparts around him a brief nod and a clink of his glass, but it was passive. Half-hearted. His eyes bore into you with enough passion to ignite the already kindling fire within your being. You were desperate. Completely at his mercy.

And utterly annoyed by how quickly you’d succumbed to his will. You wanted to prove your ability to do the same - toying with the inevitable long enough to make him flush with desire and writhe under all that you could offer.

You could do it from here; same as him.

Suddenly, shamelessly, your previously obstructed air bent to your change in attitude as you shifted to address his gaze. You arched an eyebrow as you matched his seemingly indifferent composure. You could tell he found your sudden roused behavior amusing, but his jaw quickly feathered as your eyes now held a challenge of your own: Two can play at this game, and I usually win.

Your sudden burst in confidence swelled your chest with enough boldness to dart out your tongue, wetting your bottom lip before pulling it between your teeth.

Some part of you wanted to make the conscious effort to tune into Will and Marisol’s conversation, but their distant chattering proved what you already knew. They weren’t paying either of you any attention.

Sam’s stare grew more intense; his eyes squinting ever so slightly as he watched your every move. With a coy smirk, you moved to pick up your wine glass at a leisurely pace that you were sure would seem like a lifetime to him. Even as the tip of the glass connected with your lips, you were sure to exaggerate every motion. One quick sip left a few drops of wine chasing the curve of your mouth. Using your finger, you wiped away the remnants and brought them to your lips. Your tongue flicked against your fingertip, closing your lips around it entirely, lapping up what was left of the wine.

All the while maintaining eye contact.

Finally, with a barely concealed chuckle, Sam dropped his gaze and shook his head. Every rapid rise of his chest and tense of his shoulders proved he was thoroughly distracted. Satisfied, you turned back to Will and Marisol. Both were watching the next race with an almost unexpected eagerness.

“I told you Estate Sail would win again,” Will stated happily.

Marisol only smiled. “The race isn’t over yet.”

Feeling superior still, you wanted nothing more than to continue your game with Sam, but, when you glanced back at his previous spot, he was nowhere to be seen. You couldn’t help but to frown until Will’s eyes caught on someone behind you and called out:

“Ah, Sam. Care to join us?”

“Actually, yes.” You tried to quiet your usual disposition, avoiding any instinct to turn and gratefully accept his presence with unadulterated mirth. It wasn’t a hard thing to do. In fact, you had to shake yourself from your frozen, shocked posture long enough to glance over your shoulder. Sam stood close enough behind your seat that you could nearly feel the heat emanating from his being, rivaling even the sun’s warmth. “Do you mind -?”

You shook your head, not fully trusting your own voice but not fully committed to throwing away the careful and meticulous planning for your public appearance together either. You waved, feigning carelessness, toward the empty seat across from you. “No, not at all.”

Before he sat, Sam made it a point to glance at Marisol and Will before settling on you. “Does anyone need a refill on drinks? Perhaps another round before the next race?”

The two of you shared a soft, lingering look - one filled with knowing desire and bridled actions. You weren’t sure how you were able to retrain your urge to surge forward and grab him by his shirt collar or loop your fingers through his belt loop, or, even, how you had the strength to manage the rest of the Regatta with a practiced smile. But, then, a minute smile spread across Sam’s features.

Another coy smirk traced your lips as you shook your head. “I’m fine, thank you. Everything I need is right here.”

[realisaonum]

book meme

thank you, jen @det395​ !! i feel like this meme got away from me a bit, but no shame! i love talking about books and writing so onward ~under the cut~

1- how many books are too many books in a series? 

mhmmmmm i guess it depends on the objective of the series, right? is the plan to have x number of books in the series and if so, when we finally get to the end will it be satisfying considering all the books we’ve read leading up to it? OR is the objective of the premise / characters just to exist doing whatever? both can be done well. i would say a lot rides on how much i trust the author.

2- what do you think about cliffhangers?

so this is meant for cliffhangers in a series like between books? i don’t really care if there’s a cliffhanger as long as i have the next book sitting right next to me. otherwise uh, only if the wait between books is tolerable, because at that point you need to know that the author can clear this mess up, right? there’s this other thing, like you know how if the entire series was already written, then they might release the books a month apart or a quarter apart - that could be alright too. but years in between? not especially a fan. is anyone a fan?

3- hardback or paperback?

jen, you and me are complete opposites here. paperbacks stress me out. i will go out of my way to buy a used hardcover if given the choice. of course, there are some publications i don’t mind in paperback —thinking poetry and super indie books that don’t have a hardcover release OR books where the spines are thin enough they won’t break and i won’t be holding them long enough for them to wear. hardcovers are sturdy and i don’t have to worry i’ll accidentally bend the cover in some damaging way. I am invested in keeping my books nice to the point that i create covers for my books out of kraft paper or brown grocery bags while i am reading them. this is something i started when i was in college and didn’t want these books i was hoping to probably resell get thrashed coming in and out of my bag for all these classes. My home library is probs more half and half paperback/hardcover but if given a choice usually it’s hardcover.

4- least favourite book?

i think it’s good to at least attempt to meet a book on its level. there are lots of books i didn’t like, but i wasn’t meeting them on their level and i know that so we’re ignoring those. i do however have a shelf on my goodreads dedicated to books that i have beef with so i’ll just go off on two of them.....

tana french’s the likeness for being plagiaristic shit. it is essentially poorly concealed alternate universe OC insert fic of the secret history. you’ve got french’s dublin murder squad folks and then this group they are investigating who bear a STRIKING resemblance to the greek students in tsh 🤔. this would be one thing. it is pretty well acknowledged that nothing is original and there are enough changes to The Likeness that MAYBE i could let it slide if not for this other thing: french’s book, the likeness, has lines that are just basically reworded quotes from the secret history and french positions these lines so they are said by the counterpart (essentially same!) character that gave them original life in tsh. i cannot stress this enough: you can HEAR how similar the sentences are and their core intent is always the same. it’s thinly veiled theft! it astounds me that French hasn’t been sued frankly. it is one thing to want to capture some of the genius that tartt’s debut novel holds, but it is completely lazy and disgusting theft to go about it in the way French did with this book. and YES the secret history was published before french’s book. if i could stomach how fucking goddamn boring the likeness was to read it a second time and cite every one of these offenses i would, but that’s yet a third strike against it—it’s too boring to be worth it. 

T. Kingfisher’s second book of the Clocktuar War duology : The Wonder Engine. this is a book that i feel violated the contract between writer and reader. the first book feels almost like a YA book. the stakes while described as very high are treated, as actions unfold, as very low. nothing truly irreparable happens until the climax of the second book and the fallout of that action is so off-tone of everything that came before i felt deeply betrayed. no, like, completely betrayed as in it ruined the rest of my afternoon, i am still viscerally angry eight months later, and i will never trust this author again. sure, maybe none of those actions that led to the climax were out-of-character, but there was nothing NOTHING in the proceeding action that even came close to that level of consequence. it’s a pity because right up till that point i was having a really good time. the entire vibe of the rising action to the climax of book one all the way through the rising action of book two was just a quippy fun version of roadtrip/quest - it felt like a comfort read. the abrupt tone shift had all the subtlety of dropping a graphically, brutal murder into Blue’s Clues. you don’t do that - this is a basic tenet of a writer / reader relationship. i’m not touching this bitch’s shit again.

5- Love Triangle, yes or no?

not so much. i like jen before me will scream ‘just be poly.’ love triangles that lead into poly relationships? yes, awesome will be glad i read. but i am at a stage in my life where your standard will-they-won’t-they-love-triangle is just fucking pointlessly frustrating to me. an example: i read a Nic Stone’s book Odd One Out a couple years ago and something about the synopsis or the hype made me think that it would resolve the love triangle that way, so when that did not happen i was incredibly frustrated and immediately wanted to resell the book. it’s the potential of the thing. stone’s book could have been the perfect vehicle for opening up the concept of polyamory to a ya audience but instead just really squandered that potential with weak floundering — in my opinion!

6- the most recent book you just couldn’t finish

uhhhhh i’ve got two and i’m not sure i’ve entirely given up quite yet buuuuuuuut 

fucking dune. i got really pissed off with this book. So just…setting aside the whole vaguing at a pedophilically inclined queer coded villain - it’s done so poorly, that it's almost funny? like it doesn’t (as of half way through) actually have any consequence on…anything at all and is tacked on like an afterthought to the end of his scenes. honestly it all could just be cut out entirely with no recourse to the larger story. So my actual beef with this book is the pacing is ATROCIOUS. like yo, not only do you expect me to give a shit about these Atreides cunts, when we just met them and we spend the same amount of time with them IF NOT MORE with the antagonist? but you also expect me to believe Paul was able to just convince the leader of the Arrakis people —the leader of an entire planet!!— with a single fucking sentence??? yeah, not so much. it was not set up for me to believe that Paul could do that! maybe if Kynes hadn’t died immediately after—or at least not died at that moment? baring the fact I thought he was by far the most interesting character, IF he had been convinced by Paul in that scene, it would have been great to see some actual work done around that - with a transfer or a liaise of power between Kynes and Paul and the Fremen. By not having any substantive scene that does it - it begs the question of what the fuck was the point of the character in the first place? unplumbed potential!!! over all there seem to be some key scenes missing to get the reader to where the narrative expects us to be? but the choices made of the characters we spend time with and the moments we see with them, the benefit to the larger story…is not always there. hey herbert, these words you have written aren’t doing what you want them to?? i feel like i should finish it but i reaaaaallly don’t want to :) the only thing i can say is it looks like from the trailer, villeneueve is giving space to these moments so that the viewer can foster a genuine connection with the characters? radical concept.

our lady of perpetual hunger - i started this one optimistically bc i like chef memoirs, but i am at the point where she has just given birth to her son and honestly DON’T CARE. i still haven’t officially given up on it yet since i actually fucking bought it like a dope. i certainly would not have if i knew how much NOT about working the line this was gonna be

7- book you are currently reading

Aside from the failures mentioned above, I am working on the second book in B. Catling’s Vorrh trilogy, The Erstwhile. Also very close to finally finishing Iain Sinclair’s The Last London - there’s a review of his work from the LA Times that goes “One of Sinclair’s greatest skills has always been his ability to take diverse if not chaotic source material and refashion it in a way that sometimes seems downright alchemical” which captures some of the wonder I experience when reading his work. His style and how he creates atmosphere and setting is just unique and astounding.

8- last book you recommended to someone

The Secret History by Donna Tartt. Before that I told my brother to read Eat a Peach, as we both love Anthony Bourdain and David Chang talks about him a bit here, plus it’s just a fucking great book. any book that gives insight into Chang’s methodology and paradigm is worth a shot.

9- oldest book you read

I think it might have to be Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night (which apparently according to wiki premiered on the stage a whole four months before Hamlet so that’s what we’re going with) and if plays don’t count, I don’t care. I think they count and that’s what we’re going with.

10- the most recent book you read ?

Given the previous question, the most recently published book, right? It’s gotta be the one I just finished: The First Collection of Criticism by a Living Female Rock Critic - Revised and Expanded edt., which like just came out this summer. I watched Jessica Hopper’s promo zoom, curtesy of my local indie bookstore, and went ahead and bought it. This was a great decision! It was just what I needed to read these last couple of weeks. i love there’s lots of short pieces that made the read quick and the fact that it’s non-fiction so there was no pressure of a plot or the emotional weight of character investment when I had a lot of big stressors dragging me down irl -it was such a relief. Hopper’s criticism is fun to read and there’s some real art in her appreciation of music here.

11- favourite author?

These are the top in a kind of order but not really: Donna Tartt, Jeff VanderMeer, Megan Whalen Turner, Flannery O’Conner, Chuck Palahniuk, Anthony Bourdain

Other faves very much worth mentioning: Emily O’Neill, Richard Siken, Brandon Sanderson, Warren Ellis, Nathan Englander, Stephen King, Eddie Huang, Carl Hiaassen, Anne Carson, and Iain Sinclair.

12- buying books or borrowing books?

Depends on if my library has it, of course! I nearly always see if my library has a copy first if i have never read it or the author before. If i’ve read the book before or trust the author, I’ll buy it. Like I’ll straight out buy new stuff from Jeff VanderMeer even though with him it’s either this-hits-exactly-and-is-my-new-fave or i-really-disliked-this-but-admire-the-boundaries-you’re-pushing-my-dude - so it’s always a gamble but a worthy one.

12- a book you dislike that everyone else seems to love

a little life (just bc it's torture porn elevated to art doesn’t negate the fact that it’s torture porn. Yanagihara’s project here is repugnant and the fact that this book is lauded as moving lgbt fiction makes my skin crawl)

sharp objects (good writing, compelling story, BUT typographical scarification doesn't work like that - i am not going to get into it but i know from first hand experience how Flynn described it is not accurate)

nesbø’s the snowman (what kinda dumbass detective would think THAT when a woman finds her missing father’s corpse? absolute idiocy - so obviously reverse engineered with that end in mind)

the raven cycle (fuck ronan lynch to start and then fuck him to end as well - there’s some other stuff but mostly he’s a total CUNT and if i don’t say that once a day i have probably died)

14 - bookmarks or dogears?

Bookmarks and sticky notes. Then I can place it pointing directly to the paragraph I last stopped on.

15- The book you can always reread?

This is my question because I reread all the time. ALL THE TIME. Books I reread often: The Secret History, Medium Raw (especially chapter 17 The Fury), Crooked Kingdom, The Violent Bear It Away, and The Goldfinch. Every year like clockwork (since it came out apparently) I will reread Stephen King’s The Outsider.

Other books I feel the urge to reread: VanderMeer’s Acceptance, Englander’s Dinner at the Center of the Earth, Frazier’s Nightwoods, Fresh Off the Boat, the Mr. Mercedes trilogy, the Peter Grant Series (which is queued up for another go here soon I think), any of the stories from A Good Man is Hard to Find, Sanderson’s Wax and Wayne Mistborn books, simon vs the homosapiens’ agenda, and there are two of Alan Morinis’ books on Mussar that I am technically always revisiting—when i need a reminder, i’ll jump around and read specific sections to get centered again.

16- can you read while listening to music?

Yes, but only ambient or near ambient (only usually one track on repeat) or a soundtrack I am extremely familiar with. No new music. I do usually need some audio stimulation or my mind will wander terribly.

17- one POV or multi POV?

Multi pov can certainly be done well (looking at the soc duaology and VanderMeer’s Acceptance) but working a multi-pov means there are more plates spinning, it’s more of a challenge, and some authors pull it off better than others.

18- do you read book in one sitting or in multiple days?

I don’t really do this anymore. that might have something to do with me picking up thicker books? but also i have a full time job now and let’s be real the book has to be hella good if i don’t want to put it down. the last book i attempted to shotgun was the final installment of my favorite series and it still took me two days so....i can get through a lot of books but none of them are ever in one sitting anymore.

19- who to tag:

@sybilius​ @mouth-rainboy​ @iwonderifthatisart​ @phereinnike​ @magnificentmoose​ @wambsgangs​ @moriarteaparty​ and anyone else if you feel so inclined!

Bonus Question: What’s on your to-read shelf? 

As for me, I am excited about one i just picked up, Danforth’s Plain Bad Heroines, which i might start tomorrow and I will be taking Paul Madonna’s Come to Light on my trip to see my brother this coming weekend. 

[hellsbellschime]

I was wondering if you could do an analysis on Sansas and Daenerys interactions in 8x02?

Totes, because I think it’s an extremely interesting character interplay that needed more development and that was either actually rife with subtext and just written really poorly or it was just dumb. But while I wish there had been more development for literally everything in season 8, I think that the dynamic between Dany and Sansa needed far more room to breathe and grow given that their incredibly brief relationship is one of the main catalysts for the climax of the story. 

Jaime’s whole “trial” scene is one that I really wish we had been able to see the lead up to, because while the drama of starting off the episode with it is certainly compelling, I’d honestly really like to know how everyone even got to that point in the first place. Like, Dany is furious that Cersei has betrayed her and lied to her about her intentions... except how exactly does that square up to someone who came to a truce with their enemy and then immediately arrests them and puts them on trial when they actually follow through on their end of the bargain?

However, looking beyond that there is not just Dany vs. Sansa, it’s kind of Dany vs. Team Stark. Dany lays out all of the reasons why Jaime deserves to be punished and Sansa actually completely agrees with her and says she completely understands how she feels, but then Brienne speaks in Jaime’s defense and Sansa immediately agrees that Jaime should stay. Now as viewers we understand what Sansa is doing here, but I think that Dany does not. I think that this may be a sort of crucial moment for what happens later, because someone who is unfamiliar with Sansa but sees that she is popular among the Northerners might come to the easiest conclusion, which is that Sansa is easily manipulated, weak willed, or likes to agree with people and thus everyone kind of likes her even though she’s the type of person who shouldn’t really be seen as important or authoritative. 

But when Dany kind of ropes Jon into it I think it’s even more interesting, and once again could be an implication that she doesn’t understand people who put the interests of others before themselves. Because way back when Melisandre told Dany to invite Jon to Dragonstone, Tyrion tries to sell her on it by explaining that the Lannisters have treated the Starks even worse than they theoretically treated her, so they have even more reason to want to see their downfall. So I think she inquires about Jon’s thoughts expecting her to agree with him, because quite frankly it’s just not in her wheel house to put the needs of others before her own. But he winds up agreeing to let him stay, and she feels peer pressured into acquiescing when she really doesn’t want to. That really puts her on the back foot and makes her extremely uncomfortable because it’s something she never does, and it’s basically taking her whole fantasy of conquering Westeros and destroying her enemies and basically forces her to give it up for the sake of maintaining her own mystique. 

So she’s super pissed and Jorah talks her down, and while once again the show cuts away from shit that we actually need to see, it’s fair to assume that he said something along the lines of Sansa is Regina George and you’re currently Janis Ian, so you need to go talk to her and charm her into liking you and the rest of the Northerners will fall in line. So, Dany follows his advice and tries to actually talk to Sansa and to get her to see her as the Enlightened Despot she imagines herself to be. 

Frankly, the conversation between Sansa and Dany is extremely weird and vapid on the surface, but I think it makes sense within a certain context. Namely, that Sansa and Dany both have very clear preconceived notions about each other, however Sansa’s assumptions are generally correct while Dany’s assumptions are completely incorrect. 

Obviously at this point, Sansa isn’t being fooled by charm, and Dany unfortunately reveals herself to Sansa in completely unintentional ways that she doesn’t realize are actually really hurting Sansa’s perception of her. Dany is here to conquer Westeros and force the North into submission, and maybe I’m overestimating Sansa’s political genius here, but what I find extremely interesting is that Dany asks Sansa why they’re at odds with each other but she doesn’t answer. She waits for Dany to answer, and Dany’s answer frankly gives Sansa an enormous political and manipulative advantage by letting her know that she assumes Sansa would not like an invader with dragons and an army the size of a city because she’s jealous that Dany has her brother’s attention. 

And yes, of course, Sansa loves Jon and is likely extremely concerned, but I just cannot believe that Sansa is being genuine in this conversation. This is the woman who had to convince Jon to accept the inevitability of their baby brother dying because focusing on saving him was an existential threat to their family and the North. I cannot believe that she would have more issues with the potential safety and manipulation of her brother who was a king, Lord Commander, and survived with wildlings beyond the wall than she would over Rickon. Not to mention, the notion that at this very moment when the North is on the brink of destruction and everyone is facing down the apocalypse, but somehow Sansa is concerned about the person that Jon may or may not be smashing, is an incredibly condescending and childish assumption to make about her. 

However, Dany does seem to make that assumption. Dany’s whole impression of Sansa seems to initially be that she’s just a catty and frivolous girl, and she seems to think that assuring Sansa that her super cute new crush is the one who really has her wrapped around his finger is enough to reassure her that everything’s fine and that that’s enough for Sansa to accept Dany as queen. 

But then Sansa quickly flips the script and asks about Northern independence, which I honestly think was a mistake on her part. Dany initially saw Sansa just like Cersei and Joffrey and Tyrion and the Tyrells and every other person saw her, as just a superficial idiot who can be easily managed and bent to someone else’s will. I understand why Sansa would never want to play that game again, but it also left her in an enormously advantageous position, and letting Dany know that she was actually very politically minded was not the right move at that moment. But of course, because this is the season of constantly interrupted interesting conversations, as soon as the discussion turns political it’s interrupted. 

Now, what I think is very interesting about Dany is her desire to essentially acquire special people. She wants Tyrion, the “most brilliant man in the kingdoms”, to be her hand. She knows he’s exceptional, and she wants to basically own him. And she goes through the same thing with Jon. She perceives her feelings towards him as love, but I think she really knows nothing about him and just thinks that he’s extraordinary enough to be worthy of her and therefore they must be in love with each other. Dany sees herself as a person unlike any other, with no equal in existence or history, so when people fawn all over her or give her unquestioned loyalty it’s nothing more than what she expects, but when literally anyone seems to care about or respect someone more than they do her, she doesn’t understand it and often sees it as some kind of a betrayal. 

So when Theon shows up to fight for the Starks, she doesn’t necessarily seem mad, but she is clearly baffled, especially because she has already categorized Sansa as someone not special. If she thought Sansa were special or important enough to warrant her attention, Jorah wouldn’t have had to tell her to go try to be friends. But when Theon arrives and asks Sansa to fight for her, she doesn’t get it because in her mind Sansa is not worthy of that kind of devotion because she’s too ordinary, and the fact that someone is prioritizing Sansa over her right in front of her face really puts her off. And what seemingly makes this interchange dangerous is that Dany’s reaction to seeing this doesn’t seem to be a desire to actually understand where it stems from, but seems to result in the immediate conclusion that Sansa herself must be stopped (which is an idea that Dany toyed with in the season premiere as well, but I think it only solidified that idea for her further).

But I think that Sansa and Theon’s interaction here is obviously fascinating as well, both in relation to Dany and in general. Honestly, that kind of raw emotion and vulnerability is something that people in GoT rarely display around one another, and I can’t even think of another instance of Dany actually witnessing two people who genuinely love each other emotionally connect in that way. That’s not generally a way that she feels about a lot of people, and in her world, she is always the center of attention. So even if there are people in her orbit who love each other, she never really sees that. I actually think Emilia’s expression captures that perfectly as well, she both seems put off but unsure of how to react and borderline unsure of WTF it is that she’s actually seeing, because again, it’s pretty abnormal to see people be that emotionally open in public anyway and because it’s something that Dany is completely unaccustomed to seeing when it’s not directed towards her. 

And of course, for Sansa and Theon as a pair, it’s extremely heartwarming and emotional to see how deeply they care for one another, and it’s even more touching to realize how powerfully they have had to repress their own emotions for so long and that they have now gotten to the point where they’re so completely unashamed and completely lacking in self consciousness that they’re willing to be that raw no matter who’s looking. 

Overall, despite the massive flaws of season 8, I do have to say that the scenes between Dany and Sansa are some of my favorite and I wish we had gotten so much more out of them. I actually think the performance chemistry between Emilia and Sophie is better than nearly every other character that Dany was introduced to late in the game, and I think it was a huge mistake to not explore that more and to not fully clarify that these two literal queens are not bickering over a boy’s attention. 

[arhvste]

TSUKISHIMA KEI - INSUFFERABLE AND IMPOSSIBLE

requested by jaceyandme on wattpad

summary - after spending more time with a classmate, tsukishima finds himself caring more than what he’d like leading to you both reaching your limits - angst

warnings - cursing

an - i might do a part 2 i really wanna. this is also kinda rushed i’m kinda under time pressure rn so i might improve later or go into more depth in a later part

Your usual routine in the morning would be to get ready, meet your boyfriend outside your house, walk to school together (Wednesdays and Fridays Yamaguchi would join the two of you), change your shoes at your lockers and finally say your short goodbyes as you both departed to your separate classes. That was how things usually ran.

Not for the past two weeks however.

Tsukishima was a man of routine. He liked things to be in order and found satisfaction in things fitting in place, the fact that the usual routine the pair of you shared had been broken recently did not sit well with him and he knew exactly who was the ultimate cause of it.

Hara Itsuki.

His teeth would grit whenever he heard that name, a discreet but stewing anger would boil inside him and it didn’t help that sometimes you were oblivious to the middle blockers change in demeanor.

In your defense though you sometimes found Tsukishima hard to read. He was a sarcastic piece of shit with a tongue too sharp for his own good. It wasn’t rare for your boyfriend to take a hit at people out of nowhere. Tsukishima wasn’t the type to openly express genuine emotions either so it would’ve been hard to pick out his particular distaste towards Hara.

Hara Itsuki was a boy in your class who had recently come to ask for your assistance in literature. You, being the kind and helpful girl you were raised to be, agreed to help him after school while your boyfriend would be at practise.

You hadn’t intended to spend time with your classmate outside of the one hour after school you tutored him in, but the more you spoke with the boy, the more you found you had in common and found him easy to confide in.

At first Tsukishima didn’t care about your new friendship with your classmate, he wasn’t insecure or bothered by it and it’s not like he had any valid point to argue against it at first, but those one hour tutor sessions became 2 hour meet ups after school and a few lunchtimes a week you would be missing from your regular spot at your usual table as you would be eating elsewhere with your new friend.

This began to raise concern with Tsukishima but his pride wouldn’t allow him to confront you just yet at least.

It wasn’t until 4 weeks into your sudden new bond with Hara, Tsukishima felt himself edge towards the end of his relatively thin patience. The two of you rarely spoke due to Tsukishima’s everlasting bad mood and when you did speak, all you’d talk about is how great this Hara Itsuki was and quite frankly, the middle blocker would rather rip his own ears off than listen to what you’d have to say about this boy.

Yamaguchi would sometimes bring up your absence of late but it would always end in Tsukishima telling him to “Shut up.” and the boy would comply.

It wasn’t just Yamaguchi who noticed the effect your absence had on your boyfriend. The rest of the volleyball team noticed the tall middle blocker had become more hostile and cold towards everyone. Rarely talking to anyone and snapping at them when he did. Kageyama and Hinata made mental notes to keep out of his way for the time being and hold back on the provocative comments and snide remarks.

“Tsukishima, are you -uh, well you know -”

“Spit it out already.” The middle blocker spat.

“Are you missing Y/N?”

Everyone in the gym went silent. Tanaka took a step back from Tsukishima once he saw the look in his eye from his question.

“What sort of question is that? I couldn’t care less about the girl and who she's hoeing about with.”

The team stood wide eyed not sure on how to respond to such hostility.

Sugawara took it upon himself to attempt to diffuse the heavy tension in the air.

“Hey, If Tsukishima-san says he’s fine then we should just take his word for it and let it be.”

“But he’s obviously not fine. His blocking has been off and he’s not as observant on the court like he usually is. Quite frankly it’s annoying he can’t get it together, if we were playing in real matches right now we’d be thrashed within the first set because he can’t get a grip.”

All eyes turned to Kageyama. In truth, Kageyama had only said what was on his and potentially most of the team’s mind. The genius setter held a glare towards his teammate as he awaited a reply for his blunt comment.

“Sorry not all of us are fucking geniuses with no emotion. I don’t want to hear anything from you when your middle school teammates didn’t even want to play with you because of how selfish and obsessed you were. If Y/N wants to be a whore that’s fine I’ll deal with it myself, but I don't need any of you nosy imbeciles invading into my personal life!”

Tsukishima’s patience had finally snapped and nobody dared speak a word.

“I think we should call it a night. This isn’t a good atmosphere to be training in and I think we all need to clear our heads.” Daichi spoke up as both Asahi and Sugawara nodded.

The gym was cleared in silence and the team began to slowly disperse out the gym.

“Hang on a minute Tsukishima. I think we should have a quick chat.”

Tsukishima mentally cursed but approached Daichi anyway. Who was he to deny his captain and upperclassman’s request.

The two were the only ones left in the gym and Daichi patted the bench next to the court as they sat down.

“Listen, I know you’re going through a rough patch with your girlfriend right now and I’m by no means trying to invade or involve myself into your personal life but, from what we witnessed tonight it’s clear to me that it seems to be affecting the teams dynamic and that is my concern.”

Tsukishima couldn’t quite find the right words to respond to Daichi. It’s not like he could pull out a snarky remark about how he didn’t care about his girlfriends actions because deep down he knew he did in fact care and apparently more so than what he led himself on to believe.

“I’m not telling you what to do. Only you can decide how to handle the situation but I advise talking to L/N about how you’re really feeling. I know you’re not the most expressive person, but I also know that you do have a genuine concern for others whether you show it blatantly or not. Talk to her so you can both figure this out. I’m not just saying this for the best interest I have for our team but rather my best interest in you. Regardless if you want it, myself and all the others are concerned for you and want you to feel like you can rely on us.”

“Yeah. I’ll have a chat with her tonight.” The middle blocker stared at the ground as he began to rise from the seat. “I’ll have a think about everything.”

Daichi gave the first year a soft smile and patted his back.

“Good. Nobody’s mad at you, we’re just worried. Even Kageyama.”

To this Tsukishima snorted. “Whatever you say.”

“The kid’s blunt but he does care about you in his own way.”

After Daichi finished locking the gym up, both players said their respective goodbyes and went their separate ways.

Tsukishima made his way home but was stopped by the sight of you and Hara talking and laughing outside the school gates. Just from having that pep talk from Daichi was enough to encourage him to finally confront you. Not because he cared but for the greater good of the team, well that’s what he told himself anyway.

“Oh hi Kei...”

You nervously smiled at your boyfriend's irked expression.

“Oh so you do remember my name?” he sharply hissed at you.

Tsukishima had initially intended to have a civil conversation between the two of you, but seeing that bastard Hara standing there with a smug expression fuelled his hostility towards the whole situation.

“W-what? Of course I remember your name! You’re my boyfriend!” You replied as you fidgeted under his intense stare.

“Oh am I? Because from the way I see it, this loser over here seems to be your boyfriend rather than me.”

“What are you talking about?!”

“Don’t play clueless with me Y/N! If you wanted a side hoe you could’ve just said so and we wouldn’t have wasted time!”

“Side hoe?”

“Yes side hoe! And if you’re degrading me to second best to that thing -” Tsukishima pointed to where the now uncomfortable Hara stood . “- then I don’t want any association with you!”

“You’re insufferable!”

“And you’re impossible!”

Tears began to pool in your eyes as your anger began to flare.

“You know why I spend so much time with Hara-san? I’ll tell you why. He isn’t rude, obnoxious or judgemental. He is always considerate and never brings people down with snide comments and unnecessary insults. I love you Tsukishima, I really do, but right now you’re showing a perfect example of what I’m talking about.”

“If you really loved me we wouldn’t be having this argument. If you really loved me my team wouldn’t have to point out my lack of focus recently. If you really loved me you would’ve just told me the things about me that bother you so much. But none of that has played out has it? So tell me Y/N, do you really love me or am I just a test subject for you to use and compare to other people before you decide to settle down?”

You were in shock. You knew you were spending an increased amount of time with Hara but you didn’t know how big the effect was on Tsukishima.

“Uh, I’m gonna go.” Hara said suddenly as he began to turn to walk away.

“No you’re not. While Y/N is busy thinking about whether she really loves me or if that was just shit pouring out of her mouth, you’re going to tell me what exactly was running through your head approaching a girl who obviously is in a relationship.”

“For literature, I needed help.”

“And you got it. So why are you still hanging around her like some lost puppy?”

You finally had enough. Snapping your gaze up to Tsukishima you gave him a deadly glare.

“Will you shut up? Questioning my love for you like I’m some sort of slut who tests the water with every boy. I have never ever once complained about any girls approaching you to confess their love for you. I’ve never once stepped out of line. I’ve always supported you Kei.”

“Dont ‘Kei’ me L/N. You have no right to complain about the confessions I get because I turned each and every one of them down and for you. I know I was genuine to you but it was clearly not reciprocated. You’ve wasted enough of my time I’m fucking done. Messing up my performance in volleyball and making me look stupid, I’m done with you L/N, go have fun comparing Hara to other boys when you’re done trying him out.”

And with that Tsukishima turned around and stormed off out the gates.

You stood there speechless. You knew Tsukishima could be cold and make uncalled for remarks but this hurt. Him denying your feelings and calling you out to be like some sort of whore.

Hara wrapped his arm around you and pulled you into his chest.

“Hey it’s gonna be okay. You deserve better than that four eyed loser anyway Y/N.”

You didn’t particularly want to be comforted by Hara right now. In fact you wanted to be away from the boy who had contributed in homewrecking your first real relationship whether that was his intention or not but, you also didn’t have the physical or mental strength to push him away just yet. You needed someone and Hara just happened to be there.”

Sniffling into his chest you nodded slightly as you wondered if Tsukishima was upset or if this whole break up had no effect on him. You thought the latter as your anger towards him grew.

“He probably doesn’t give a shit anyways. It’s not like he can’t have a replacement for me by now anyways. He probably does have a girl waiting on the side for him as we speak.” You snarled as Hara pulled you closer to him.

“Probably, what a man whore. He doesn’t deserve you Y/N.”

You walked home with Hara that night trying to take your mind off of what had happened. The thought of Tsukishima not being bothered or phased by the break up lingered at the back of your head though.

What you were unaware of was that Tsukishima had immediately let his tears fall as soon as he reached the safety of his own room, and rather than watching dinosaur documentaries or studying, he spent the whole night in his room silently sobbing and wishing he could turn back time. He had loved you in his own way and would’ve worked on improving his snarkiness for the sake of you if only you had brought it up to him. But you didn’t and for that, Tsukishima stayed up all night tear stained wondering if you had ever really loved him the way he loved you.

part 2